#kinda venting

[awakefor48hours]

"Why do you talk like that?" "Why do you say that so much?" "Why do you talk so much?" "Why does your voice sound like that?" *interrupts me while I'm talking* *insults my interests*

"Hey why do you never talk?"

[txna-blxckthorn]

I used to think that whenever I'd be sad for no reason that I was just being an idiot and there's no reason for me being sad

So I just used to beat myself up about it lol

[rustedmonkeyking]

I interviewed at a place that ended up offering me a position different from the one I applied for, then sitting here on my ass waiting for the 'bg check' to clear, I didn't know I technically had to apply for this other position on the company website to be queued into the system. I JUST now did that a little over a week after the interview, I'm now sweating bullets over this hurting or potentially killing my new job.

[rabidhiena]

PREVIEW OF AABAN: UNTITLED ZINE

I made this zine in around 1-2 weeks while i was working in my character ambient and settings of the short film named the same as the zine.

A vague storyline of it I'm gonna type:

It felt right to put him in a life or death situation where someone or something has to die with no other option -- Aaban chooses to kill his career instead of putting himself in danger on purpose of creating art ever again.

I put my heart in this. Aaban put it too. But to be honest, I felt I needed to risk something else from me, something bigger, an open chest on the table, to just get the monetary support I wanted and needed in this story.

Now I'm typing, with a lot of mixed feelings in between that, maybe, I wanted support but this “rejection” means that I can keep trying, of course, with the precaution that ironically, before making this story I didn't have and I learned through it: I won't create something destroying myself while doing it.

Maybe I just wanted to feel I take a responsibility for once. Of course it was way more bigger than just having monetary support to get this last-self-destructive-show done. It's always more than money when it comes to me making art and creating in general -- that's why I love what I do.

More Aaban, more rambling, more ocs in:

Ig: _coolnout

[gl4ssfan]

RAHHHHHH WHY DO I FEEL INADEQUATE WHEN I SEE MY FRIENDS ART

RAHHHHHH I SHOULD BE HAPPY FOR THEM BEING AMAZING AND I AM BUT RAHHHHH

[vampire-bat-boy]

I don't feel particularly depressed or stressed out, it's more like "Just one more day until it's tomorrow and tomorrow is Friday and that means it's weekend which means only two more weeks until it's next month which is one month away from school being over"

I'm living one day after another just to get this over with

[tinybitofart]

you guys im fucking done being upset with my teetg

im SO over it

yes ill still brush the em. because its fucking healthy

but im NOT gonna strive for perfect, straight, blindingly white teeth.

i have a gap tooth and an overbite. one of my bottom teeth is pushed back. i used to have ‘fangs’ (the ones beside my twi front teeth were pushed up). i dont recall this affecting my health or how i eat.

yk who else has an overbite? david sexyman tennant. but for him, its beautiful.

you know who has a tooth gap? Madonna. does it make her songs any worse?? NO??

i wore braces for two years, and they made my daily life pianful and inconvinient. i dont want to go through all of that agin for something that my parents want for me.

i know nobody fucking cares abojt me and my teeth but god fucking dammit i care and im gonna post about it

[thatphantomtroupelady]

I have literally the day 5 entry for hxhtober all written out. But trying to copy paste it here and then edit it is just so much more frustrating than usual argh. For absolutely no fucking reason, it decides to deselect before I can italicize or whatever it or it just refuses to be selected at ALL. Like whyyyyy >:(

[lotus-mirage]

Baby’s first twitter argument. ᕕ(ᐛ)ᕗ

I should not have done that honestly I’m gonna be angry about it for like a solid week.

[jellythefishess]

Shout out to all the other super un athletic kids who always wanted to be good at sports and be apart of a team but their parents would never sign them up for any sports (and even if they did it was one you got no say in and hated so they gave up after like one attempt) and so now cope with the feeling of missing out on friendship and a fun hobby/career by watching sports anime’s and feeling like shit

[she-anemone]

there is a great asteroid that hangs in the sky below the clouds but above the buildings. the only thing keeping it from finally falling and killing us all are my thoughts and my feelings. I can't falter. I can't lose hope. I can not let the bad thoughts win. I have to keep my mind focused away from all doubts, or else the asteroid will fall. everywhere I walk, I see it in the sky, judging me. I can not see the sun, I do not believe it exists. but I have to hope it does. I can't let the asteroid win. I have to bear this weight for humanity. I can never know peace, but I have to keep hoping that it will come.

[oleolesimeeligen]

my parents are watching supernatural “so they can get why I like it so much.”

they won't because 1. my mom refuses to believe anything is queer UNLESS all the people implied look directly into the camera and say so (my mom's favorite show is xena. she gets mad every time someone even suggests xena and gabrielle were anything other than friends) 2. they're watching with spanish subs that 90% of the time don't even match the meaning of what's being said (they're even more homophobic and misogynistic than the show itself) 3. my parents are cishet and have their heads so far up their asses I shouldn't hear them when they talk, so they don't get any queer symbolism of any kind 4. they never understand anything that differs from their preconceived ideas 5. I mostly like supernatural thanks to some fans and fanworks they will never know

[danceyour-problemsaway]

"It's only natural that we question things in our time of grief. It's normal to find regrets. You're always going to feel like you could have done something. You're not weird or unhealthy to feel a sense of guilt, but you need to learn to let it go eventually. There's nothing to gain from holding on to it. Instead, turn that guilt into nutriment for what is still alive. Learn from your regrets and use them as a guide to ensure that you live the life you have to the fullest."

[mismatched-ideas]

It makes me kinda sad that people don't seem to comment on fanfic anymore. I get a lot of kudos, often from the same person reading multiple works, and they never comment and it's like "come on, I need validation!"

[ayviedoesthings]

Come get your membership card if they made you terrified for life of the idea of being mediocre as a "gifted kid", so you applied a lifelong nerf on yourself as safety.

[foxlungz]

They should invent a way to kill yourself that doesn’t disappoint anyone