#kunikidazai fanfic

[knockyasocksoff2022]

IDEALS [kunikidazai]

Ideal No. 5

(1,325 words)

It seems that the more I try not to pay attention to Dazai the more of my attention he takes. It almost makes me think he would prefer I yell at him and scold him, but I won’t because if I say one word to him it will become ten and so on until I’m so deep in I’ll never be able to escape.

I feel a presence behind me at my desk,“Oi Kunikida-kun~~~”

I say nothing.

“Did you know that in America people date and even marry their cousins?”

As shocking as that is, I doubt it’s true, (I definitely will not look any further into it.) so I say nothing.

-

“Hey Kunikida! WHat do you call Batman and Robin after they’ve been flattened by a steam roller?”

The joke is easy to ignore but I'd really like to tell him to shut up.

“ . . . Flatman and Ribbon!” He laughs a fake obnoxious laugh. I don’t grace his behaviour with an answer.

-

I decide to be proactive during my lunch break.

After making sure it’s alright with the owner I sat down in one of the quaint cafe booths to enjoy my lunch in peace. The others went with Yosano-sensei to try out a new restaurant specialising in vegetarian dishes.

A few minutes after I start eating, Dazai strolls in. I focus on my food, pretending I don’t notice him at all. Maybe he’s just here to flirt with the waitress. (I’ve noticed that he hasn’t been doing that as much of late, maybe she got married or got a boyfriend.)

He isn’t. 

He sits down in front of me, I keep on eating. Then he retrieves a pair of chopsticks from inside his trench coat and starts to reach for my plate. A thieving freeloader as usual. I wonder for a moment if he’s really hungry, lord knows his eating habits are horrible. He probably hasn’t eaten in a while, but I legitimately don’t think he gets hungry.

The kind thing to do would be to let him have it, and I almost do, but I know the more of these small things I do, the more I give these small kindnesses, the more I’ll want to do something bigger.

So instead I knock the chopsticks out of his grip, using one of them to press against his throat, if it were a blade he’d probably be dead.

“Ah, so selfish Kunikida-kun, isn’t it in your ideals to feed the hungry?”

‘Are you hungry?’ I want to ask, but I don't.

Taking my silence as a no he strides out, humming his suicide song.

I wish he would’ve stayed. I would’ve gladly let him have the rest of my bento gladly, even if he hadn’t told me he wanted it. I’ve never been a stellar cook, but I can make a decent meal. I want to make something for him, to get some food besides canned crab and whiskey in his stomach. I want us to have dinner together, or any meal really. 

But that’s never going to happen so I go back to my meal in silence. The wanting fills me up inside so much that it’s hard to make myself finish my lunch but I hate wasting food so I do.

-

When my break is over I continue work as usual. We haven’t been very busy so I’ve taken to researching in the Special Operations Division’s archives with Katai’s help. My goal is to try and determine what makes Atsushi’s ability so special.

-

Dazai, of course, clocks out early, sighting a new method of suicide he wants to try. I know he probably won’t succeed but the same worry still fills me. I don’t voice my concerns though. What would I say, anyways? Any words I could think of would surely result in an admission of my affections which would mean nothing given his heterosexuality and like of me strictly because I’m someone he can get a reaction out of.

-

As I walk home my mind wanders as it always does, and since I’m away from the office I let it. I wonder if he’s alright, is he standing soaked on the riverbank or is he already back in his dorm passed out drunk by now.

I turn, startled out of my thoughts when something nips at my heel. It seems one of the stray cats that hangs around the agency has followed me home.

“Go!”

It sits down, blinking owlishly.

“I said: Go! Off with you!” I shake my foot gently in the direction of the agency, hoping it’ll find its way back safely.

It doesn’t budge.

“You shouldn’t be here, Cat, begone!”

It meows loudly, but gives no indication of moving. I sigh.

The cat is clearly a street cat. Its fur is off with a tan spot down its back and almost bluish patch on its chest. There's a black stripe on its head in between its black ears and two black dots almost looking like eyebrows. It’s dirty with leaves and twigs stuck in its fur but I can still see the white stripes going all around its body. The most noticeable features though are the torn left ear and scratches over its left eye, which judging by the slightly milky colour must be slightly blind.There are matching scratches all over the poor thing’s body and its whiskers are sticking out in all directions, like it's taken a shock.

Still it sticks its tongue out, looking almost mischievous. It reminds me of Dazai in a way that makes my heart ache. I’m not a  monster, I can give her some milk or something.

“Fine, cat, you can come with me, but you better not have rabies or anything like that.”

I’ve never tried to create food with my notebook before but now I write “Cat Treat” and one appears in my hand where the page once was. I sniff it, it smells like it should . . . I think?

The cat takes it, sniffing suspiciously for a second then gobbling it down in one bite. It looks at me for more, but I don't want to use another page so I shake my head. It meows almost as if it’s whining as I open the door.

I shouldn’t have a feral cat in here, especially since It’s not technically my house. I’ve been living here alone for years and I pay the bills, but it still legally belongs to my parents who used to live here. They officially gave it to me when they went off to travel the globe a few years back.

The cat hops up on the counter, I turn on the tap and to my surprise it jumps right in. I have to shoo it out before I wash my hands.

-

Now I’m kneeling beside the bathtub, heavy rubber cleaning gloves on and bath soap in my hand. The cat, a she cat, as it turns out, isn’t afraid of the water at all. She rolls over and pounces onto her back, splashing me. 

I occupy the rest of the evening cleaning her up and treating her wounds as best I can, not letting myself of a certain bandaged man. I’ll have to take her to the veterinarian tomorrow but for now the gauze and canned sardines from my emergency food stash with a bowl of warm milk will be enough.

What to name her?

The first anime that comes to mind is the name of the famous author Oba Yozo.  Yozo is a masculine name, but somehow, it fits.

I hear her meowing as I shower, brush my teeth and dress in my night clothes.

I don’t let Yozo sleep in my room, though she wants to, but eventually she gets comfortable on the sun porch. Being a human is so complicated, I wish I could have as few worries as a cat.

That’s what I think of as I drift into sleep.

[deluluzai]

Am I the only one constantly sad about the fact that Kunikida's and Dazai's partnership isn't focused on enough instead it's abt Dazai and his ex partner, Chuuya or Fyodor and so on?

Like, yeah this doesn't have to be in the ship sense but I've seen so many ppl in this fandom summarise Dazai's and Kunikida's relationship that Dazai is a smart, silly, perfect character who does what he wants, and Kunikida is the annoying, stuck up, fun-ruiner who hates Dazai with a burning passion, unlike Soukoku.

We need more Kunikida appreciation, and more Kunikidazai acknowledgement bc yeah Dazai's past is focused on a lot, but ppl seem to forget his current partner who Dazai also means a lot too :((((

Anyway I'm rambling sorry ppl I'm sleep deprived

[lesbianranpoe]

i dont believe in the 'dazai goes back to the pm' theory but like.... if kunikida stays in the ADA and dazai goes back to the port mafia it would be The kunizai arc. kunikida having to choose between his ideals and his partner??? dazai having to leave the pm of his own volition instead of having oda/something else force his hand (showing that he's changed since his port mafia days/developed as a character)??? acknowledging how much kndz care about each other??? dazai n kouyou interacting and talking about how neither of them could escape the pm???

[inamagicalhallucination]

kunikidazai fic up <333

oblivious kunikida x "we're already dating" dazai

featuring atsushi for a sskk subplot becuz i lack self control

[jkooktray]

pspsps at the kunichuuzai fans

[lexjades-journal]

I wrote this for someone based on an idea they had!

looking up at you

by: Lyx_Jade

Except… they weren’t eye to eye until Dazai tilted his head up. Kunikida began to shout but was unheard due to a certain realization of Dazai’s. This realization turned Dazai slightly pink in the face.

Or,

Kunikida is tall and Dazai regularly forgets.

@whathorselegs

[sickficideas]

may i propose the idea of dazai crying until he throws up but Actually. do what u will with this information😭

hello anon, i greet you 11 months later...i am so sorry....and I have no idea if this was even a fic request or just a Hey. This Concept is Cool. and you're right so I wanted to write a fic about it and it took me 11 months. so. here you go Im so sorry LOL

just get up, get up || kunikidazai sickfic

ao3! 5.2k - please refer to the tags in the link for content + warnings! this one is a little heavy (past suicide attempt references, death mentions)

Kunikida is standing outside of Dazai's apartment, originally with a bone to pick with him for not showing up to the company dinner, but he’s long forgotten that. He's far too focused on the fact that he hears Dazai crying through the front door.

Dazai doesn’t cry.

Kunikida has the key to his apartment, as a precaution. He’s had it since the first time Dazai seriously attempted to kill himself, swallowing nearly forty pills from something he stole from Kunikida’s bathroom, that being the only reason Kunikida found him in time. He’s told Dazai he won’t disrespect his privacy unless he thought he had good reason to, and he thinks he has a good reason to do just that right here. He fumbles with his keys to find the one labeled Dazai.

Because Dazai does not cry for no reason.

He barges in, closing the door behind him but not bothering to even lock it properly before he runs to Dazai’s bedroom, where the sobs are coming from. Kunikida’s praying in his head on repeat that he isn’t in a life-threatening situation because that’s not a farfetched idea here, but he doesn’t quite get that feeling here.

Dazai is curled up in the corner of his nearly barren bedroom with the lights off, on his side, on the floor. Kunikida doesn’t see any signs of a suicide attempt, but that doesn’t mean much - just because he doesn’t see a noose or a pill bottle doesn’t mean he’s fine, and clearly, he’s not.

Kunikida can count at least five empty bottles of various types of alcohol on the floor.

“Dazai,” Kunikida starts, but he doesn’t detect any reaction from him, he’s just choking on sobs and sounding nearly unable to breathe, and Kunikida is contemplating calling Yosano. But he can’t do that. Dazai won't do any better with a doctor here, even one he’s familiar with.

Kunikida, for once, can't think of anything to help.

He's seen Dazai drunk before, but he doesn't think that's what's going on. Something else is causing this.

Kunikida kneels down in front of him, laying a hand over Dazai’s arm, covering his face for the most part. The bandages on his arms have long come loose, which tells him just how far off his mental state is right now.

Dazai’s face is red and his eyes are shot, a fact that Kunikida is only able to tell because of how Dazai looks up at him, brow furrowed and almost somehow begging Kunikida to make it stop. What exactly that is, he doesn’t know, but he can’t stand seeing Dazai like this. He needs to do something.

"Did you take something?" Kunikida asks as Dazai’s eyes drift away from him again. Kunikida’s forcing eye contact with a death grip on his arm. "Medications? Drugs?"

Dazai shakes his head just barely, and for some reason, Kunikida feels inclined to believe him. Kunikida is shocked Dazai is even listening to what he’s saying.

"Were you drinking?" Kunikida asks, even though the answer is obvious. Dazai barely nods before pulling his arm back over his face, trying to make himself smaller in some feeble attempt to tell Kunikida to leave, but he won’t even consider it.

"Are you hurt?" he asks, but Dazai doesn't answer. He cries out like he's in pain and his body twists, eyes screwed shut. Kunikida panics, he presses against Dazai's shoulder to lay him flat on the floor and check him over for injuries, but he sees nothing. No blood, no rips in his clothing, nothing. Dazai's eyes have relaxed, but they're still flooded with tears.

“Dazai,” Kunikida starts, not even sure what to follow up with. He feels dizzy. What does he even do here? He needs a plan. He needs to figure out how to help Dazai at least feel better enough temporarily so he's not choking on his sobs. “Let's get you to bed, come on.”

Kunikida scoops a hand under the shoulder that's against the ground to encourage Dazai to get off of the floor, at least, hoping that he can walk himself. Dazai's not crying as hard right now but it almost sounds like there's something else keeping his focus. He manages to get himself together enough to prop himself up, but Kunikida realizes too late that he looks nauseous all of a sudden, and the gag confirms his suspicion. The choking he was hearing were probably half-gags to begin with.

Dazai leans forward and chokes up a torrent of pale, watery vomit, just barely missing Kunikida's knee, but he's not to lucky the second time he gags, most of it splattering up the side of his thigh.

In any other circumstance, Kunikida would have certainly shouted at him. For drinking so much, for not being able to control himself, but he can't even bring himself to say anything, much less reprimand him. All he can do is make sure Dazai doesn't fall face forward in his own vomit.

His seemingly endless tears join in the vomit and drool that drips from his chin as he breathes heavily over the puddle, not able to keep himself up anymore. Kunikida doesn't want him to lay back down anymore -if he's not down throwing up, the last thing he needs is to choke on his own vomit, so he tries to at least prop him up.

He isn't finished, so it was a good call. He manages to avoid Kunikida this time, gagging and spitting up more of his stomach contents to add to this existing puddle, a hand pressed against his tummy.

He hasn't calmed down at all. His eyes look wild, as if throwing up has just made him feel a hundred times worse. Another thing that Kunikida can't do much about. He's so helpless, sitting right in front of him and watching him cry his eyes out without any idea what's going on.

Kunikida leans forward and holds him close, both arms wrapped around him in some kind of attempt to ground him.

“Dammit, Dazai,” Kunikida murmurs quietly. He’s completely and utterly heartbroken. Dazai was just suffering here. He wasn’t trying to end his life. He wasn’t hurting himself. He wasn’t even on anything, he just drank his sorrows away and sobbed for what must have been hours before Kunikida got here. “I'm going to stay with you tonight. Okay?”

He feels Dazai nod against his shoulder. That's a good sign, but he still shakes and sobs against him, like he wants to curl up and disappear in his arms.

That's fine with him, if the feeling helps. Kunikida will hold him as long as he needs him to.

He can't tell how long it's been once Dazai starts to breathe normally, but Kunikida takes the opportunity. He manages to move him over to his bed and under his covers. Dazai's eyes have glazed over. His lashes are still wet but he doesn't seem to be crying much more right now, and he's hoping he will at least be able to sleep for a few hours.

Kunikida tries to straighten things up, per his nature. He picks up all of the empty alcohol bottles and trash that litter his bedroom floor and brings them to the kitchen. He brings a trash bin beside Dazai's bed in case he needs to vomit again soon before he cleans the puddle in the corner. He feels nauseous himself, but he certainly won't make Dazai do the job right now. He wipes up the now-dried bits of vomit on his pants, and grabs another rag for Dazai's face.

He's almost asleep, finally. Kunikida wipes up his mouth and his chin. His face is warm, he lays a hand against his cheek to feel it. He's not worried about a fever, thinking it's probably just how much Dazai has worked himself up.

“I wish you would've called someone,” Kunikida says quietly.

He's glad he got to him before it got worse, at least.

…

The next morning, Kunikida opens the screen door to Dazai's porch. He should have done that last night. The entire dorm room reeks of alcohol and vomit, something he's only realizing with a taste of fresh air.

The rest of the night was easier than it could have been. Dazai somehow managed to sneak past Kunikida at some point, who had fallen asleep on the floor next to his bed, to puke in the bathroom for a few minutes. He would've fallen asleep there if Kunikida hadn't noticed and put him back to bed.

He groans, trying to stretch out the aches in his muscles from sleeping on the floor.

There's not a long list of people he would do that for.

When he wanders back into Dazai's bedroom, he sees him watching. On his side, head halfway engulfed by his pillow and looking at least seventy-five percent asleep, but he's awake.

"Hey," Kunikida says quietly.

"Hi,” Dazai croaks. The first coherent word he's spoken.

“I'll be right back. Just going to my dorm room for a moment,” Kunikida tells him. Dazai only nods. He wonders if maybe he shouldn't leave him alone, but it doesn't look as if Dazai has any energy at all to do something he shouldn't. “Do you need anything?”

He shakes his head, and lets his eyes fall shut. Kunikida feels relieved.

Thank god they have today off, too.

He disappears into his dorm for no longer than ten minutes to change clothes and do his morning routine - brush his teeth, wash his face. He thinks about showering but decides to put that off, not wanting to leave Dazai alone for longer than he needs to. He thinks Dazai would certainly benefit from a shower, too.

He makes it back soon enough to Dazai's bed room. The air feels much more fresh now, which will certainly do Dazai some good. He's turned around, now, the glass of water Kunikida had places beside him on the other side, but still full. Like he had tried to drink some, but decided not to. Kunikida wouldn't be surprised at all if he was still nauseous.

He needs to make him something to eat. Rice or soup would do him some good. Nauseous or not, he needs some substance in his stomach or else throwing up will be much more painful, and leave him feeling much worse - especially when he's pumped full of alcohol.

He turns to walk back into the kitchen, but Dazai's hoarse voice stops him before he can go any further.

"Sorry about last night. Kunikida," Dazai mumbles, his back still turned to him.

Kunikida doesn't think he's ever heard him sound that sincere about an apology before. It's genuine but dripping with guild all the same. It feels strange to hear. He almost wants to joke back.

"It's alright," Kunikida tells him, deciding now is not the time to be having any sort of conversation about it. He'll talk later, right now he just wants Dazai to feel normal. "I'll make you some food. You need to eat."

"I'm not hungry, ‘s okay,” Dazai replies quietly. He’s lowered his voice, like it hurts to keep it over a certain volume. Kunikida watched him shift like he wanted to move, but ultimately decide to sink back down.

"You still need to eat, Dazai. You threw up at least six times last night,” he says with a little sigh. “Just a little so that there's something in your stomach. It doesn't need to be right this second.”

Dazai has two packets of instant rice if he remembers correctly, and nothing else. Kunikida decides he'll go get groceries for him tomorrow. He's pretty certain those packets are left over from the last time he got groceries for him, too.

“I’ll eat later,” Dazai agrees begrudgingly, which Kunikida thinks is certainly better than the response he was expecting. “What’s the time?”

Finally, he turns so that he’s on his back. He tilts his head in Kunikida’s directly. He looks like he’s nearly on his deathbed - he’s so pale and looks exhausted.

“It’s almost nine in the morning,” Kunikida tells him.

“It feels like it’s five AM,” Dazai grumbles.

“Do you want to shower?” Kunikida asks. He’s trying to think of ways to get him out of bed. He doesn’t think wasting away in his dark room is any good for him, and he thinks a shower would certainly help him feel better.

“No,” he grumbles, glaring at Kunikida.

“Well, you should,” Kunikida says, leaning against the door frame.

Dazai groans like a child, turning away so his back faces Kunikida once again. This reaction, he should have expected.

“I'll help you,” Kunikida offers.

“Can it be a bath instead?” Dazai mumbles. Kunikida can hear the pout on his lips.

“Whatever will get you smelling better than a bar,” Kunikida says. He doesn’t care either way. “I’ll start it now, then. I’d really like if you had some water, I don’t need to you pass out on me.”

Dazai makes a vague noise in acknowledgment, but the way he pulls the sheets over his head tells him that he’s going to take advantage of his bed before he makes any plans to drink water.

Thankfully, Dazai doesn’t make the rest of it difficult for him. He doesn’t even argue about the bandages anymore.

Kunikida massages a second round of shampoo into his hair, with Dazai underwater from the shoulders down, quiet for the most part. The water is the perfect temperature and it’s certainly doing him some good, some color has started to come back to his face. He’s a little more quiet than Kunikida is comfortable with, though.

“Anything you usually do on Sundays?” Kunikida asks him, leaning Dazai’s head back just a bit before taking the pitcher of water to rinse the shampoo out.

"I usually…" Dazai mumbles, pausing like he’s not sure he wants to share. He keeps his eyes shut as Kunikida continues to rinse out the shampoo. "I go visit a friend."

"A friend?" Kunikida asks. He thinks most of the shampoo is out. There’s a bottle of conditioner that Kunikida put in here years ago that Dazai clearly never uses - he decides he’s going to do it now, while he has him here.

"Yeah," Dazai nods. He pauses again as Kunikida words the conditioner into his hair, but the silence must have encouraged him to say what’s on his mind. "Do you…can you come?"

Kunikida's surprised at this.

"I don’t have any plans today,” Kunikida says. Not entirely true. He has a Sunday routine, but he can make sure he gets to that in the evening, and just stay with Dazai this morning. “Does he live here? In Yokohama?”

“At the cemetery. By the Port.”

Kunikida almost replies, wondering which neighborhood that is exactly, but his stomach drops once he realizes what Dazai is saying.

Oh.

He's visiting a grave.

Somehow, all of this makes sense, now.

…

Kunikida lets Dazai take his time. Of course, he’s not going to rush him out of the dorm room to go see his friend’s headstone, but he’s moving much slower than normal this morning anyway. Kunikida dries his hair and gives him a change of clothes as he cooks some rice for him to eat, even if it’s only a few bites. He argues, hopes he’ll win, but Kunikida manages to get him to eat at least half of it.

“You go here every Sunday?” Kunikida asks him as they approach the cemetery, now within their sight. Dazai’s been relatively normal on the trip there. It was only a stop away on the train station and a few blocks of walking, but still, he seems much more like himself, he’s realizing now, though, that he was simply trying to distract himself.

“Every Sunday,” he confirms, the tone of his voice now changed. He sounds far away, living some past memory, but his voice holds the same texture of when he was trying his eyes out last night. Kunikida chews his lip.

He’s not sure how he never noticed this tradition of his, either, unless this death was recent. Dazai’s never around on Sundays but he’s never clear about his plans either. He’ll say anything from he’s getting a coffee to he’s planning on overthrowing the government, if he threw in a I’m visiting my dead friend, Kunikida would have thought nothing of it.

Atsushi’s mentioned finding him at a cemetery before, once, when Dazai failed to show up to an emergency meeting. But even then, Kunikida never thought he was there to visit someone.

Dazai slows down as they make it to the entrance, and Kunikida makes it further ahead of him before he realizes he’s stopped. He’s turned away from the direction of the sea, almost looking like he’s holding his breath. Kunikida decides if he should ask him if they should turn around before Dazai brings a hand up to his mouth.

"Dazai, are you - " Kunikida starts, but Dazai is already bent over with a hand on his stomach, throwing up onto the sidewalk before Kunikida can finish his question. “Shit.”

Kunikida curses, laying a hand on Dazai's back. Dazai probably assumed the rice would come right back up anyway, that’s no doubt why he was refusing to eat, but Kunikida wonders if it has something to do with the nerves of where they are right now. But certainly, he wouldn’t react like this every Sunday?

“I’m fine,” Dazai breathes out, spitting up the rest of what’s in his mouth into the small puddle at his feet. It’s not much, but he didn’t have near anything in his stomach to begin with. He looks even worse, now. Kunikida wants him to sit down and drink some damn water.

Kunikida keeps his hand on Dazai’s back as he straightens up and tries to take in a steady breath. Kunikida is almost certain he’s going to throw up again, but he manages to pull himself together enough to continue on to the cemetery gates.

Dazai snakes his hand into Kunikida’s and squeezes it, hard. Kunikida squeezes it back as Dazai leads him to a gravestone, right underneath the tree on the far side of the cemetery.

S. Oda.

Reading the same sends a chill up his spine and he can’t explain why. Kunikida's never heard Dazai mention this person before, not even unnamed. A friend. Dazai doesn't seem like the type to have friends at all, not outside of work.

Whoever he was, he must have been very important to Dazai, to affect him like this.

And the longer Kunikida stands there beside Dazai and stares, the faster he starts to realize that the date of death on the headstone was yesterday's date.

"You should've said something," Kunikida sighs quietly as Dazai slips his hand out of Kunikida’s grip.

"I have a friend who I've never told you about who died in my arms four years ago yesterday. There," Dazai says. It's incredibly nonchalant, something he's trying to pass off as a joke, but Kunikida can hear the pain in his voice. He can feel it.

It must have been an awful death, to break down Dazai like that.

Dazai kneels right in front of the headstone and lays his forehead against the cold marble. He chokes back a sob, evidently, completely incapable of holding himself together. It hurts him so much. He can’t fathom what could have happened. Dazai’s completely broken by this.

Kunikida can't just sit there and watch. He kneels beside him, a little further back. He wants to lay a hand on his shoulder, but he hesitates, and takes his hand again to squeeze it hard instead.

“I'm sorry,” Dazai mumbles quietly, wiping his tears with the sleeve of his hand. “I think…he would've loved working at the Agency.”

“You think so?” Kunikida asks. Four years ago would have been someone in the Port Mafia with Dazai, Kunikida is fairly certain.

“He would've…he would've deserved it more than I do, Kunikida,” Dazai tells him, a few teardrops landing in the earth right in front of the headstone. He’s getting that look in his eyes again, like he’s somewhere else.

Kunikida bites his lip. “Don't say things like that, Dazai.”

“Maybe…maybe if he found him instead of me, then…then they both would've…” Dazai murmurs, and Kunikida starts to worry, because he's not making much sense. He’s not sure who he’s talking about. “but then Atsushi…what about…”

“Hey,” Kunikida starts, squeezing his hand a little tighter, “I don't know what happened to your friend, but no matter how things ended for him, there's nothing you can do to change the past.”

Dazai’s shoulders tense up. Kunikida worries he's having the opposite of the desired effect, but there’s nothing he can do to guess what Dazai could possibly be thinking. 

Dazai lifts his head off of the stone, a little too quickly, it seems, because his whole body slumps forward and he smacks his forehead into it before Kunikida can stop him. He holds his shoulders to move him off the stone and he seems to have come back to him already. Kunikida steadies him and makes sure he gets a good look at his face. He still looks dizzy. "You're dehydrated."

"Mm," Dazai huffs. He doesn't seem to care. He rubs the part of his forehead that smacked against the stone and groans.

"Let's take you to Yosano,” Kunikida insists, taking Dazai’s hand and helping him off the ground. He’s really concerned. All of this is very out of the ordinary for him. He wants to take him somewhere he can rest for a few hours, at least.

"I'm okay, Kunikida,” Dazai mumbles, his eyes still pointed down at the headstone. He’s not crying anymore, but he's certainly not all there.

"Like hell you are, Dazai," he huffs, reaching out to lay a hand under his chin and point his face up to look at Kunikida. He looks like a sad, wet cat. "She could get some fluids in you, at least."

"I don't like needles," he murmurs. His eyes drop back down to the ground.

“I know you don’t, but you just fainted because you’re so dehydrated. And I don’t think you have any interest in drinking water right now,” Kunikida says with a deep sigh. Dazai doesn’t argue, but he leans forward to lay his forehead on Kunikida’s shoulder.

Kunikida holds him, one arm around his back and the other on his head, for as long as Dazai needs him to. He knows a lot of what Dazai shows him on a regular basis is a front, a disguise, he’s learned that after many years of working with him - but to see it completely torn down like this breaks his heart.

After a while, Kunikida leads him out of the cemetery. Dazai doesn’t object. He keeps his arm around Kunikida, his eyes on the ground in front of him, not lifting his head. Kunikida lets him. He plans to walk the two of them to the Agency, which isn’t more than a fifteen-minute walk. He knows Yosano is there today, even though it’s closed - it’s when she catches up. He can at least have her look him over.

The Motomachi shopping structure starts to come into view as Dazai starts to lift his head a little and slip his arm out of Kunikida’s. There’s more people around here now, and he can already see Dazai start to mask on, even around people he doesn’t know, people he’ll never meet.

Kunikida feels Dazai’s hand slip out of his grip, and he worries for a moment before he hears a voice coming from behind them.

"Dazai? Kunikida?"

It's Atsushi, Kunikida realizes upon turning around. 

"What're you guys doing here?" Atsushi asks. He’s by himself, it looks like.

"Work," Kunikida answers simply, trying to avoid any tough conversation for Dazai. He doesn’t think Atsushi will ask any questions beyond that. "And you? Are you by yourself?"

"Kyoka's in the bakery over there. But I saw you guys from the window and wanted to say hi," Atsushi says, but the smile on his face fades as soon as his eyes peer over to Dazai, who, no matter how much he's trying to fake it, still looks miserable. "Are…you okay, Dazai?"

"Oh, I'm fine. You know. Hungover," he jokes, but he still doesn’t sound like himself, no matter how hard he’s trying. Kunikida supposes the hangover bit might be partially true.

"You really should stop drinking so much," Atsushi scolds. Kunikida mirrors that sentiment, mentally, but he thinks Dazai probably has a much bigger problem than they can address with scolding.

"Mmm…maybe you're right," Dazai says, but it's impossible to tell if he's going to take that to heart or not. Kunikida is going to guess, likely not.

"Me and Kyoka were going to try out this new tea house. It’s like, a block over," Atsushi tells them, gesturing in the general direction. "Would you guys wanna come?"

"Hm. We're pretty busy with work," Kunikida lies, but he's trying to give Dazai an out in case he needs one. "Dazai?"

"We should go. Tea's good," he says simply with a shy-looking smile.

Kunikida's heart melts. Atsushi looks a little suspicious. Certainly, Kunikida would never let Dazai decide if they were going to work or not. Maybe he’s not covering their tracks as good as he thinks they are.

"Alright. We'll come."

"Why are you guys working, anyway? We're closed today," Atsushi says, turning around and leading them towards the bakery down the street, where Kyoka is, presumably.

“Just something the president asked us to take on,” Kunikida explains. “Classified, though.”

“Uh-huh…”

He’s not buying it, but he doesn’t press on. Kunikida’s relieved.

Once they meet Kyoka, the tea house isn’t far at all, and in the direction of the Agency anyway. Kunikida still plans to take Dazai to Yosano afterwards, but he thinks this is a good idea. Tea would definitely do him some good, if he’s willing to drink it.

He doesn’t last long at all, though. He only takes a few sips of what Kunikida had ordered, claiming he would decide from there, before he sneaks off to the bathroom. Kunikida say the nausea on his face, though, that green tinge, his hand over his stomach. He can’t keep anything down right now. He really needs to see Yosano.

“Do you think he’s sick, Kunikida?” Atsushi asks, concern written all over his face. He knows something’s going on.

“He might be. I need Yosano to take a look at him,” he says with a shaky sigh, already having finished sending her a text that they would be on their way over very soon. He’ll flag down a taxi to get them there. It’s not far, but he doesn’t think Dazai should be doing any more activity than he needs to.

When Dazai comes back, looking even worse than before with three concerned faces staring at him, his shoulders sink. Kunikida thinks that he can’t possibly believe he wouldn’t get caught.

“I’ll meet you guys there after we pay,” Atsushi tells them, and Kunikida thanks him. He’ll send him money to cover the bill later. He takes Dazai by the arm and leads him outside. He’s hoping he can get him feeling a little better soon.

…

Atsushi gets to the agency about an hour later, so worried about Dazai that his stomach hurts because of it. Something’s not right, he could tell that as soon as he saw the two of them in the street. Sure, he’s certainly sick with something, but he’s too quiet. He looks sad. That’s just not something he ever sees on Dazai’s face.

He makes it up to the Agency floor. Kyoka decided to go back to the dorms, so it’s just him, and no one but Yosano, Kunikida or Dazai should be in the office. The door to the infirmary is open, but he hears something coming from the office couch.

Dazai sounds like he's gagging again.

He carefully wanders over, not seeing any sign of Yosano behind the partition, it’s just Kunikida and Dazai - he’s curled up on the couch, his arm attached to a fluid line. Kunikida is in the middle of laying a blanket over him and holding a trash bin under his chin. Atsushi wonders why Dazai isn’t in the infirmary instead, but he does like this couch. Maybe he’s just more comfortable here.

Atsushi knows something must be wrong with him if Kunikida of all people is being so kind and gentle with him. Laying a blanket over him just can't be something he'd do for no reason.

Dazai spits up something into the bin before Kunikida lowers the bin. He groans and curls up in on himself again. He doesn't look good at all. Atsushi isn't sure if he's sick or not, but even if he is, it's concerning.

"He's having a hard time today, Atsushi. Don’t bother him too much," Kunikida says sternly, quietly, before he disappears into he infirmary. He hears him and Yosano faintly chattering about something, but the sound is lost on him as he focuses on Dazai’s miserable form.

Atsushi sits on the couch opposite of Dazai for a minute, watching him. Dazai knows he’s there, but he doesn’t look up. His eyes are on the floor. His breathing looks off, like it’s a conscious effort every time. He’s pale and he looks terribly nauseous. Atsushi feels guilty. He wouldn’t have offered for them to come if he knew he stomach was bothering him this much.

"Are you okay, Dazai?" he asks meekly, even though he knows the answer. It's a stupid question to ask, really. Dazai’s eyes finally dart up to meet Atsushi’s.

"I'm always okay," he says. The most non-answer possible.

“You don’t look okay,” Atsushi tells him with a little pout. He’s seen Dazai hungover before, it’s never, ever this bad. The worst it does it make him complain and give him a headache.

Dazai sighs quietly. "Just…missing a friend."

"A friend?" Atsushi asks, scooting up a little further. Dazai doesn’t ever talk about friends. "Why don't you go see them?"

"I saw him this morning."

Atsushi’s heart sinks as he puts all of the pieces together. He’s seen Dazai’s friend before, too. He and Kunikida were coming from that direction before Atsushi met them today. “Your friend in the cemetery?”

Dazai nods slowly.

“I'm sorry, Dazai,” Atsushi says quietly. Dazai shifts his body so that he’s lying on his back, staring up at the ceiling. “He must’ve been really important to you.”

"He's the reason I left the Port Mafia," Dazai says gently. “I wouldn’t…be here without him.”

Atsushi gives him a halfway smile. It’s not often that Dazai ever opens up about anything. Maybe it’s how he’s feeling, maybe he’s just deep enough in his thoughts to let his guard down, but Atsushi’s thankful that he’s shared that with him.

“I’m glad you knew him, then. Even if…even if you wished you knew him longer. He changed your life, right?” Atsushi says. He can’t part much wisdom to Dazai, someone who seems to know everything, but Dazai turns his head to look at Atsushi. It’s a warm expression on his face. Atsushi can’t tell what he’s thinking at all.

“Right, Atsushi.”

[silawastaken]

confused and upset all the time bc i love kunizai in edits and art but i just cannot bring myself to enjoy it in fanfic. I can't read abt it and like it, I can't watch bsd or read the light novels and see it. I might be blind- and I swear they're literally work husbands, but I just can't like it outside of art :(

[nonbinary-akutagawa]

Against Ideals

~paper version~

→Ao3←

→digital version←

[chupenguin]

It’s not pain, it's applause✨

5 + 1 moments between Kunikida and Chuuya

Getting together

Fluff and pinning

22k, updtes every Wednesday

Link

[knockyasocksoff2022]

IDEALS [kunikidazai]

(A/N: I've been palying around with ship names for these two and came up with Ideal Human because together these two make one perfectly functioning person. Kind of like how Tachizaki is Midwinter Snow because if their abilities)

SUMMARY:

Dazai Osamu is the farthest possible thing from the ideal woman Kunikida Doppo has written so much about in his notebook.

And yet . . . Kunikida is hoplessly in love with him anyway. Kunikida doesn't belive he has a chance with his coworker, I mean, have you seen the way he flirts with women? Straight as the rulers Kunikida used to use in his maths class.

Dazai meanwhile is also inlove with uptight but still charming coworker. But how can Dazai ever come close to the woman Kunikida has in mind?

Will these two damn idiots figure their shit out or not? God, I hope they do, for all our sanity!

(Summary sponsered by Edogawa Ranpo)

Categories: angst, fluff, getting together

Warnings: N/A

Thank you to @wildroseroguefor inspiring me to write Kunikidazai for the first time. Rose has lots of Kunikida content on her blog, check it out.

[fyodorkitkat]

Thank you to everyone who has supported me and my first fic Angel Collective . It hit 200 kudos today and it makes me so happy that ppl enjoyed it 🙏💜 My expectations were super low when I started since I was new to writing and it is a rare pair polyship which I realize isn't everyone's cup of tea. So it absolutely blows my mind that it has been received so well and that is so motivating yall have no idea.

If anyone is interested and unfamiliar with it, it is a Fyosiglai canon divergence AU (Fyodor "won" and used the book) where the DoA trio opens a boutique, tries to build their own international fashion brand, and sorts out their relationships with each other along the way 😌

I am also currently working on a Kunikida-centric hurt/comfort themed spin off of it in the same AU (end game Kunikidazai) called The way out is through.

Thanks again to all of my readers and everyone on tumblr as well who encourages my writing 💜🙏

[lesbianranpoe]

i have so many bsd zombie apocalypse fic ideas in my google docs folder and idk which to write so im posting them here lmao

Soukoku

Fifteen-year-old Chuuya is on the run from Arahabaki Lab---the lab that tried to perfect the ARAHABAKI Project, an experiment with the goal of creating a human immune to the zombie virus that's ravaging Earth.  Chuuya searches desperately for a place where the scientists can't get to him, even if it means crossing the Wastes, the large expanses of infested land between Suribachi City and Yokohama, where he hopes to take refuge.

However, the Wastes are hard to cross, and when Chuuya runs into a boy who offers to guide him to Yokohama, he says yes. Dazai is annoying, but he's a good shot; and best of all, he doesn't ask about Chuuya's past.

The trip is long and dangerous. Zombies, violent groups of survivors, and scavenging missions are all hazards, and if they want to survive, they have to work together. Fighting their way through the ruins of Japan, bickering, and encountering new people, the two grow closer, but Chuuya begins to wonder... just who is Dazai? And what is he hiding?

2. Ranpoe

When the apocalypse started, Poe lost all communication with his best friend, Ranpo, who lives overseas in Japan. Now five years later, Poe decides to go looking. (Or: Ranpo and Poe are long distance besties, The Guild are a smuggling ring with a giant ass boat that is actually plot relevant, the Armed Detective Agency are doing ADA things in Japan.) (Or: Poe and the rest of the Guild sail to Japan on the Moby Dick five years after the apocalypse after like 50k words and ranpoe canon)

3. Kunikidazai

Kunikida and Dazai are college roommates that don't really get along. but after the apocalypse starts, they have to work together to survive, at least until they get to the safehouse on the other side of the city. But as they fight their way through Japan, they end up getting closer. (Dazai is immune to zombie bites lol. The idea of having a scene parallel to that one in Dazai's Entrance Exam where Kunikida threatens to shoot Dazai but its because Dazai might turn into a zombie??? mmm)

4. Fukumori (ik, im suprised too. i dont even ship them, idk where this idea came from)

When Fukuzawa was 32, the world ended. Now three weeks later, the Silver Wolf travels from place to place, searching for somewhere to settle down as the chaos of the apocalypse takes Yokohama by storm. When he finds a seemingly abandoned building, he hopes to start a new life there, away from the city.

However, Fukuzawa is not the only one looking for somewhere to live. The building he had intended to make his home was actually an elementary school—and the four children left; Ranpo, Yosano, Dazai, and Kunikida, are still alive. Most interestingly, there is a man there—a children's physician who introduces himself as Mori Ougai. His leg is injured, but as a doctor, Mori is a useful asset to both Fukuzawa and the children, so the two make a compromise: Until things in Yokohama calm down, Fukuzawa will scavenge for food and protect Mori and the kids, and Mori will take care of any medical necessities. It's only meant to be a temporary arrangement, but time passes, Fukuzawa and Mori stay; more kids are rescued, friendships form, and before they know it, years have gone by. (Or: i slamdunk fukumori into the found family trope)

5. Fukuzawa + Ranpo

This is just an Untold Origins zombie au.

When the apocalypse started, Fukuzawa lost his best friend. Five years later, Fukuzawa is a powerful hunter capable of bringing a whole hoard down. And he does it all alone. But when he saves a 14-year-old boy from a zombie hoard and the child insists on staying, he finds that maybe it isn't too late to try again. And when the kid gets in danger, Fukuzawa has to choose between keeping his current life, and starting a new one.

anyways. if any of you guys want me to write one of these, pls comment. (or if u guys want to use any of these as prompts, go ahead, just tag me when ur done writing !! i want to see the finished product lol)

[gay-snufkin]

kunidazai angst is finally here!!!

this took longer than i wanted, but tbh i like it a lot. they just have so much angst potential i can't stop thinking about them

[anime-fixation]

A Kunichuuzai fic cuz they are one of my favorite ot3s.

Fragile: Please Handle with Care

The way Chuuya was shaking and crying in Kunikida’s arms made his heartbreak. Meanwhile, Dazai sat solid as stone and stared into memory on the bed above them. He was mumbling to himself but Kunikida could make out a few words, ‘boss’, ‘favorites’, ‘accident’. He eventually decided to move chuuya and himself when he saw the tear tracks running down Dazai’s face.

(Or the boys have terrible ptsd from Mori and Kunikida learns about it he hard way)

Rated: M

Warnings: Graphic Depictions of Violence, Rape/noncon

Word count: 4126

Check it out on AO3

It all started when a very drunk Dazai made a joke about Kunikida not being able to be in charge of Chuuya and him in bed. They all had been sexually involved with each other for a while, yet Kunikida was never given the chance to be in control like that. After some quick bickering and teasing all because of Dazai’s comment, the three of them drunkenly agreed Kunikida would be in charge tonight. No one knew that something was going to go very wrong.

-

The three men returned to Chuuya’s lavish apartment. Dazai and Chuuya had had a few too many drinks and all three of them were horny. Kunikida was carrying a very desperate Chuuya who clung to him with his legs wrapped around his waist. He was grinding his very hard cock into Kunikida’s stomach through his pants. Dazai stumbled in right behind, still holding a bottle of wine. He was being forcibly led by one of Kunikida’s hands that had intertwined itself in the brunette's hair.

Kunikida tossed Dazai onto the couch. He fell against the cushions and let out a soft grunt while struggling to keep the wine bottle upright.

“You could be gentler!” Dazai complained.

Kunikida raised an eyebrow at his partner, “You could listen better.”

Chuuya chuckled from his spot, still clinging to Kunikida. “If you listened you might get to have a little more fun like I am.”

“What fun would that be, Slug? Grinding myself desperately into him.” Dazai mocked taking a large swig from the wine bottle.

Kunikida smiled at the redhead, “or this.”

Kunikida captured Chuuya's mouth in a kiss. Their lips crashing together in drunk desperation. The smaller man ground his hips harder into Kunikida’s abdomen. The blonde moved his hands around grabbing Chuuya’s ass. Kunikida moved the smaller man with ease, using his hands to grind Chuuya’s hips faster into his own body.

Dazai sat on the couch, his boner painfully obvious from the tent in his pants. He was white knuckling the bottle in his hand, any tighter and the glass might have shattered.

“Bedroom. Now.” Kunikida broke his kiss with Chuuya to bark out the order at Dazai. The brunette took off without a single snarky comment back. Kunikida had learned the other detective was a better listener as soon as you made him horny enough. Kunikida went to follow but Chuuya’s voice made him pause.

“Grab the wine for meee,” Chuuya slurred. Kunikida let out a small laugh and grabbed the abandoned bottle of wine from the table where Dazai had left it. He handed it over to the redhead who grabbed it and started downing the dark red liquid.

As chuuya chugged wine, Kunikida brought them over to the bedroom. Dazai was waiting patiently on the bed just like kunikida ordered. When they crossed the threshold, Kunikida put Chuuya down.

“On your knees in front of the bed,” Kunikida ordered.

“Yes sir,” Chuuya slurred. He stumbled over to stand next to the bed ending up in front of Dazai.

“You’re such a lightweight, slug,” Dazai blurted out, laughing at chuuya.

“Like you’re any better! You’re just as drunk as I am,” Chuuya yelled back. He began gesturing with his hands at Dazai. The motion caused the wine to slosh around in the bottle, drops of red liquid were now running down the outside of the bottle.

“If you two keep arguing things are going to get much worse for you,” Kunikida cut in.

“Sorry,” They immediately responded. Both boys stiffened up looking much more attentive than they did a moment ago.

“A punishment isn’t useful unless it is effective.” Kunikida said in his usual matter of fact tone. “And I’ve been thinking of ways to punish Dazai for some time. I do believe they’d work on you too Chuuya.”

“We understand. We’re so sorry, bos-,” Dazai apologized. Dazai cut himself off before he finished the last word. Leaving Kunikida a bit confused but overall happy that Dazai was being so obedient.

“And give me the bottle of wine before you spill it. If you make a mess there are going to be even more consequences.”

Chuuya’s shaky hand shot out, holding the glass bottle out for Kunikida to take.

“Looks like you two know how to behave after all.”

Kunikida went to grab the wine bottle from the redhead, but with how shaking the shorter man’s hand was and the wine dripping down the side, it caused the bottle to slip from the blonde's hand. It fell and shattered on the floor between him and the mafia executive. A small puddle of wine and glass flooded the hardwood.

‘Damn. Guess I was the one to drop it after all that.’ Kunikida thought to himself. ‘That needs to be cleaned up quickly or it will stain…’

An idea then dawned on the tall man, “Clean it up,” he ordered the redhead. The agency member was too busy keeping an eye on the spreading stain that he missed the major shift in Chuuya’s body language.

“Y-yes boss…”. Chuuya mumbled, falling to his knees quickly.

“Boss?” Kunikida looked at Chuuya confused. Chuuya was already on his knees shaking like a leaf in autumn. Blood was smeared on the floor from the glass now wedged into the redhead's knees. It was as if he didn’t look before he dropped onto them a moment ago. His eyes focused on the shattered glass in front of him frantically cleaning up the shards with his bare hands, cutting himself in the process.

“Chuuya! Don’t hurt yourself.” The worry in Kunikida's voice was evident.

The redhead didn’t seem to hear him; he just kept picking up glass shards.

“Chuuya…”

“I’m sorry,” Chuuya’s eyes never left the floor. “Punish me, Boss. I deserve it.”

‘Punish him for my accident? I know what I said earlier but… it wasn’t his fault? And he’s calling me Boss?’ Kunikida’s thoughts were beginning to fill with questions he needed to ask. First though, he had to calm down Chuuya.

“It’s okay Chuuya. Please stop,” Kunikida’s voice came out like he was talking to a scared animal. He took a step towards the smaller man. The motion caused Chuuya to violently flinch.

“I’m sorry! I’m s-sorry! Imsorry! M’sorry…” Chuuya apologized as he began to shake even harder. He ripped off his hat with one bloody hand throwing the glass he was holding with his other inside it.

Kunikida turned his attention to Dazai for help or an explanation. What he found was Dazai sitting still as stone. He had never seen the demon prodigy so pale.

“Dazai…” Kunikida said, gaining his partner's attention.

When Dazai met his gaze, Kunikida saw just how empty his eyes were. It felt like Dazai was looking through him, not at him.

Kunikida tried again, “Dazai?”

“…”

“Osamu?” Kunikida tried one last time to get Dazai’s attention. It didn’t work. Dazai remained in the state he was in. Kunikida was too smart to think this had anything to do with him anymore. These two had gone through something kunikida couldn’t imagine.

A sob forced its way out of Chuuya's body drawing Kunikida’s attention back to the mafia executive. Chuuya was beginning to hyperventilate while he continued to try and clean. He dropped two more handfuls of bloody broken glass into his hat. There were significantly more cuts on the smaller man’s palm and fingers than a moment ago, drops of blood were starting to mix with the wine on the floor. Kunikida cursed himself for not trying harder to stop Chuuya sooner.

Kunikida took a cautious step towards the mafia executive. Again the redhead flinched but kunikida didn’t stop moving this time. The blonde man knelt down next to Chuuya pulling off his tan vest as he did.

“Hold this. We need to stop the bleeding,” Kunikida stuck his vest out. His eyes never moved from the mess of a man on the floor.

“It’s not cleaned up yet. I can clean it up. I can-“ Chuuya’s voice faded out as Kunikida forced the vest into his hands. He flinched when the fabric touched his open cuts. They met eyes for a moment. Chuuya’s eyes were wide open and there was no hiding the fear that Chuuya was feeling.

Kunikida spoke softly to the redhead, “Can I touch you?”

Chuuya's expression changed to confusion but nodded yes to Kunikida anyway. Kunikida gently put a hand on chuuya shoulder, rubbing gentle circles. When he saw Chuuya take a less shaky breath Kunikida moved his arm completely around his shoulders. The mafia executive fell apart in his arms. His sobs became much louder again and he curled into the blonde man’s chest as he cried.

Kunikida heard a voice from behind him. He couldn’t make out what was being said, only able to make out a word here and there. “Favorite”, “accident”, “boss”.

“Dazai…” Kunikida looked over his shoulder. Dazai was still just as pale as before. This time there were two glistening streaks down his face. His tears dripped from his cheeks onto his bandaged arms that were wrapped around his body holding himself tight.

Kunikida sighed, his chest felt tight watching the most composed man he knew crack in front of him.

“I’m going to move you a bit,” Kunikida warned Chuuya. The smaller man nodded into his chest.

Kunikida scooped up the mafia executive as smoothly as he could. Transferring both of them onto the bed next to Dazai.

“Can I touch you?” Kunikida asked his partner.

Dazai nodded. Kunikida pulled him to his other side. When he did, Dazai let out a broken sob. They stayed like that for a little while. Kunikida gently rubbed their backs, providing any sort of comfort he could.

Dazai stopped crying first. He lifted his head up and straightened his bandages out avoiding eye contact with the blonde man watching him.

Dazai’s horse voice broke the silence, “I can start explaining if you want…”

“I’d like to know. But-“ Kunikida answered. He motioned to Chuuya who wasn’t crying anymore but still hasn’t moved from his position tucked into Kunikida’s chest. “-Only if you both are okay with it.”

“Mori,” Dazai started to explain. “He started touching me when I was 14. Back before he was the boss of the Port Mafia. It was never violent back then. He used to lie and give me all sorts of drugs saying it was good for suicide. Then he would do things to me while I was too drugged to move. It didn’t get violent and abusive until after he became the boss. He found his power could come out in many new ways. When the drugs were mixed with hard punishments he almost seemed joyful. It only happened like that a few times to just me… then Chuuya joined…”

“I made him worse,” Chuuya’s words were muffled. His face was still buried. His fist now clung to Kunikida’s shirt like that of a small child. It created a few stains from the blood still seeping from a few cuts that had glass wedged deep into them.

“He was already getting worse. It wasn’t you,” Dazai said, trying to comfort his old partner.

Chuuya's voice was small and shaking but still Chuuya started to explain his side of things, “It started with him being a bit nicer to me. He gave me jobs that had clearance way above what I should’ve been doing, so I could progress faster in the mafia. He spoiled me every time I came back from a successful mission, dinners, gifts, that sort of stuff. He even let me talk back at meetings without repercussions.”

Dazai took a deep breath before he took over, “He only started calling Chuuya in after we fucked up our first mission. I knew how the night would go as soon as I received the message. I got there first just as Mori had planned. He did it so he could watch me beg to spare Chuuya. Of course that didn’t work. He wanted to ‘break Chuuya in’.”

Kunikidas shirt started to cling to his skin. A wet spot had formed on the front of it. Chuuya had started crying again.

Chuuya straightened up pulling himself together the best he could to continue, “Then we messed up. I knew something was wrong as soon as we came back. Dazai usually would come back from missions and run off to try a new method of suicide but this time he dissapeard to go report to Mori first.

“I was called in an hour later. When I walked into the office Dazai was on his knees in front of Mori… he had Mori’s cock in his mouth, fresh bruises and was only half dressed. Even his bandages were starting to unravel. I froze for a bit at first, not sure what to do. Mori reassured me that Dazai was okay with what was happening. The more he takes the more I knew it wasn’t like that at all. Not that I could do anything Mori started to lead me around soon after. He showed me what he wanted me to do when we got punished in this way. I remember him telling me how this was an ‘unusual punishment’. I shouldn’t worry too much about it happening again. Surprise surprise, that was a lie…”

“The boss started to like Chuuya more than me as time went on,” Dazai visibly grimaced, “We all know his type. I was starting to look too old to play with and well, Chuuya’s smaller. It was easier for him to pretend that he was younger.”

Chuuya rolled his eyes. “Fucking pervert.”

Even despite falling apart a few moments ago the redhead was trying his hardest to seem back to normal.

“Chuuya you’re one of the most powerful gifted I know. How did he…?” Kunikida started to ask but not finishing it when he realized it might be too much.

“That’s why he kept Dazai nearby.” Chuuya answered. “Part of it was to force him to watch the punishment I received. The other part was he was there to help stop me if I started to act out.”

Chuuya shivered, gripping Kunikida again as memories filled his head.

Dazai didn’t need to be told to take over before he continued to explain, “When Chuuya tried to fight back a couple times too many, Mori learned he could just tie us together so there wasn’t even the possibility Chuuya could use his ability. After he realized how well that worked, it happened more and more.”

Chuuya curled back into Kunikida. The harsher details were making it harder and harder to remain calm as they told Kunikida their tales.

Dazai’s eyes were glassy again watching something no one else could see, “I still have the scars from all the times Chuuya would dig his nails so hard into me that I would bleed.”

Dazai trailed off; he was still stuck in his head watching an old memory.

“Dazai, did you ever try to fight back? Mori is threatened by you right?” Kunikida asked before he could stop himself. Dazai grimaced in response.

Chuuya answered instead, “He did. Once. It ended with Dazai staring down the barrel of a gun and a scalpel to my throat. That night was the second worst time we had with him.”

“I’m still sorry about that,” Dazai mumbled, not looking at the redhead.

“You didn’t know he would go as far as he did,” Chuuya reassured.

Kunikida was filled with questions about what happened that night . All of which he knew better than to ask.

So he just started to ask another question to change the subject, “So tonight… what uh…”

“Our worst night with him started with a shattered wine bottle…” Dazai began explaining.

Chuuya cut in before Dazai could continue, “well it didn’t start with that.”

Chuuya started to stare into a memory like Dazai was earlier as he continued to talk, “It was one of the few times that Mori asked for me before Dazai. I tried to keep control. It was hard to fight my own desire to use my ability while Mori ra- …used me... Dazai walked into the room right as I threw Mori off of me. I didn’t mean to, I just acted without thinking.”

“I’ve never seen him so mad,” Dazai took over telling the story again. “If we hadn’t established our great reputation and were just average members of the mafia, I think Chuuya would be dead right now. I went to nullify Chuuya as soon as it registered what happened but Mori stopped me. That’s when the bottle was thrown at Chuuya. Just as Mori wanted, Chuuya didn’t use his ability to stop it. It shattered when it hit him, glass and wine went everywhere. Chuuya was lucky he was already on the floor, or that might have knocked him over.”

“I wasn’t really that lucky with what happened after that,” Chuuya jokes. His voice sounded distant but at least he was trying to keep it together. “He wasted no time to call Dazai over to nullify me after I was covered in glass. Once he knew I wouldn’t kick him off me again, he flipped me over and he…”

Chuuya took a deep breath. His voice had started shaking while he recounted his past “ He f-fucked me into the broken glass. It felt like it lasted forever and the pain never stopped.”

Dazai took over from there, “When Mori was done he made Chuuya clean up the remaining glass and wine from the floor but he could only use his hands for the glass and his clothes to sop up the wine.”

Kunikida felt sick to his stomach. Of course Chuuya would freak out at a simple spill after something like that. Kunikida leaned down to kiss the top of the ginger’s head. Chuuya was shaking again, his breath uneven, and he was back to clinging to Kunikida’s shirt like a small child.

“I’m so sorry,” Kunikida apologized. His voice was soft and gentle. Chuuya made a small noise in response, just enough to let the man know he heard him.

“After that he made me pull each piece of glass from Chuuya’s body with my bare hands,” Dazai continued, determined to give kunikida the whole story. “It took a very long time and Mori sat and watched the whole thing. He kept telling me how I was hurting Chuuya and that there could’ve been an easier way if we behaved better. The fucker made me blow him for a pair of tweezers in order to get the smaller pieces out of Chuuya’s skin.”

Dazai shook his head and let out a dry chuckle. The way Dazai crumbled immediately after shattered Kunikida's heart once again. The brunette curled into himself once more letting out broken sobs between his hyperventilating breaths.

Chuuya’s shaking body crawled out of Kunikida's arms and made his way to Dazai. He wrapped his arms around the other man.

“We’re not there anymore Dazai. I’m okay now. You did what you had to,” Chuuya whispered small comforts to his ex-partner.

“I’m sorry Chuuya… I’m so sorry,” Dazai kept repeating those words over and over as Chuuya held him.

Kunikida wasn’t sure what to do. He was frozen in place watching the two men behave in ways he never thought they’d let him see. They were both so broken and traumatized.

As he watched them, guilt was beginning to grow in the pit of Kunikida’s stomach as the realization of how they ended up talking about all this hit him. Kunikida’s thoughts started to spiral. ‘I would’ve waited until we were sober. I could’ve asked them more questions about hard limits. I should’ve paid more attention to body language. I-I-‘

“Doppo?” Chuuya’s soft voice pulled Kunikida out of his thoughts. “Are you okay?”

“I'm fine. I should be the one asking you that. You still have glass in your hands,” Kunikida redirected.

“You did nothing wrong, you know? No one knew this is how tonight would end up,” Chuuya pointed out. “Also you’re crying so it’s easy to tell you’re not okay.”

Kunikida didn’t realize he started crying. He reached up and touched his cheek. It was in fact wet. He was crying. “…I’m just… I’m so sorry. I didn’t know-“

“-How could you?” Dazai cut in, his breathing was still returning to normal but he stopped crying. “Also it was my idea for you to be in charge. Clearly I didn’t think this is how it would go.”

“I guess you’re right,” Kunikida reluctantly agreed, wiping his tears away.

“Now come here,” Chuuya invited him to cuddle.

“We should get the glass out of your hands first…” Kunikida said cautiously.

Chuuya looked down at his hands, glass shards stuck up out of the skin in various places. His hands had turned completely red from the dried blood and wine stains. Chuuya let out a big sigh, Kunikida knew it was mostly for dramatics.

“I guess you’re right. Can you get me a trash can then,” Chuuya asked.

Kunikida nodded and went to grab the trash can from the bathroom attached to the bedroom. Kunikida returned a moment later with the trash can and a pair of tweezers. In his absence the other two men had untangled and chuuya was sitting off to the side waiting.

“Do you need help?” Kunikida asked. He handed the trash can over to Chuuya and held up the tweezers.

“Not yet, watch this,” Chuuya’s hands began to glow red. With a quick flick of his hand almost all of the glass flew out and into the trash can. “I can get most of it out this way. There’s still a few small pieces stuck in there I’ll need help with…”

Chuuya held up his hands to kunikida, “Help me with the rest?”

“Of course,” Kunikida answered while he sat down next to the redhead on the bed. “Let me know if I hurt you.”

Chuuya nodded. The room fell quiet except for the occasional clink of glass into the trash can.

Chuuya broke the silence first, “Dazai, would you go grab a towel and broom for the hall closet? We still need to clean up the wine.”

“Why can’t you make Kunikida so it,” Dazai whined out.

“Well he’s a little busy. Unless you want to take over for him?” Chuuya snapped back at him.

“…fine.” Dazai begrudgingly accepted his task and ran off to grab the supplies.

While Dazai was off, Kunikida managed to pull all the glass from Chuuya’s hands.

“I think that does it…” Kunikida said.

“Thank you,” Chuuya’s voice was soft again. “Could you do my knees too? There’s not much.”

Kunikida nodded yes. Chuuya threw his legs over the blonde's lap. Dazai returned right as they settled in.

“Oh so you two are just gonna cuddle while I do all of the work!” Dazai complained from the doorway. A towel in one hand and a broom in the other, just like Chuuya asked for.

“Shut up mackerel! He’s pulling even more glass out of me!” Chuuya yelled back. “Now clean up my floor.”

“This wasn’t even my mess! I was on the bed!” Dazai continued to complain.

Kunikida cut in before Chuuya could tell again, “Dazai just clean it up. I’ll do your paperwork for the next week if you do it without any more complaining.”

“Hmmm… two weeks?” Dazai bargained.

“No. One week. You don’t even do your own paperwork half the time. You make Atsushi do it.” Kunikida pointed out.

“You both are against me.” Dazai flung his arms up in the most dramatic fashion he could manage to act hurt.

Chuuya threw a pillow at Dazai which the brunette doged with ease.

“Fine. I’ll take you up on your offer only if I also get to request blowjobs anytime I want during that week too,” Dazai said.

“Fine.” Chuuya and Kunikida said at the same time.

“Whatever will get you to clean,” Chuuya grumbled.

Dazai beamed with happiness at his successful bargaining. As promised he didn’t even complain while he quickly cleaned up the mess on the floor.

Dazai finished cleaning around the same time Kunikida finished pulling the glass out of Chuuya’s knees.

Chuuya got up off the bed. “I’ll need to go wash all this blood off. But after, how about a movie on the couch?”

The other two nodded in agreement. An hour later Dazai and Chuuya were fast asleep on the couch. Dazai fell asleep on Kunikida’s shoulder and Chuuya’s head was in his lap. Kunikida was ignoring whatever movie they decided on. His chest still ached from guilt but was soothed by watching the two men peacefully sleep.

[lexjades-journal]

I wrote a fanfic a while back! I thought that I should post a link here so that people can click if they want :) Link is at the bottom!

Do Fevers Make Us Delirious?

By: Lyx_Jade

Kunikida dragged the heap of blankets the rest of the way down so that he could assess his partner's condition.

Kunikida's eyes widened in shock when he took in Dazai's state. His hair was a matted mess, and it stuck to his forehead with sweat. His skin looked pale, and there was a flush to his cheeks.

Or,

Dazai has a fever, and Kunikida helps him take care of himself.