#lang thinking all his coworkers are the best and wanting them to see it in themselves

[notmoreflippingelves]

Shi Long Lang insisting all of his agents identify themselves as "1" during team countoffs, and Manfred von Karma setting his bank PIN to #1 have the same and yet opposite energies.

[luveline]

can we please have more coworker JAMES 💜

james calls you something he maybe shouldn’t | fem

You’re feeling at a James-given mark when Sirius appears. 

You don’t know Sirius half as well as you know James nor Remus, but you’re ninety five percent sure he’s a good guy. He’s funny at lunch, whenever Remus has managed to convince you to go with them. He’s like James in terms of scandal. They like making bad jokes. Sirius really likes making Remus laugh, so he must be nice. 

“Hey,” he says, “where are they?” 

You nod toward the boss’ office. “Presenting the last of the Lang and Co.” 

“Oh, right.” Sirius moves in to James’ desk. He knocks one of his figurines over purposefully, then moves one to have its face in the other’s backside. 

“I’ll have to tell him that was you,” you say. 

“Rat. Why?” 

“He’ll think it was me otherwise, and then–” He won’t kiss me later, you’d been about to say. James has grown suddenly and enthusiastically fond of withholding affection whenever you mess with him. As a joke, of course, but you refuse to risk your lunchtime kiss. “You know what he’s like with me.” 

Sirius smiles oddly. “I do.” 

He sits at James’ desk. Ever since you and James… started whatever it is you’re doing, things have been raw for you. Maybe you’re stupid, it’s only kisses, but you’re sort of thinking it isn’t. Like, this is dating. You might not be boyfriend and girlfriend, but you’re exclusive. 

James is too good, and some small part of you doesn’t like admitting it, but the bigger part (the part that wants to kiss him and be kissed by him) knows it surely. How could you have grown to fancy him otherwise?

“Doing anything fun this weekend?” you ask. 

“Not likely,” Sirius says, tucking hair behind his ears. “We’re all helping Remus’ dad paint the house. It’s a tiny thing n’ it won’t take long, but he lives in Aberystwyth. S’gonna take hours to get there and he wants to stay up there ‘cos his dad gets lonely.” Sirius scratches his jaw. “His dad’s nice, mind. I don’t mind going up there. Just hate being stuck in the car when James is driving.” 

You won’t see James this weekend, then. He hadn’t mentioned it. “It’s beautiful in Aberystwyth. Maybe you can go to the beach,” you say. 

“That’s what I’m trying to convince them to do.” Sirius grins. 

“Not the best weather.” 

“It’s always nicer up there. We spent a lot of time up there, you know, in the summers. We ping-ponged between Remus’ house and James’ parents.” 

“Do they live there too?” you ask. 

“Nowhere near.” Sirius laughs, a deep, rich sound. “You think I’d be used to long drives.” 

“Where’s James from?”

“My parents live deep in the West Country,” James says, his hands sudden on the back of your chair. 

Fuck, you think. You had no idea he was coming, distracted by Sirius and the patter of rain against the window. “You creeper.” 

“You’re the creeper. Grilling dear Siri for details on my personal life.” James dives for a biscuit from the plastic packaging laid out on your desk and then away from you. “If you want to know where to send your fan mail, just ask me, sweetheart.” 

“How do you sneak up on me like that?” you ask. 

The space between your chair and the wall isn’t super tight, but it’s still weird to think he’d approached from the right and you hadn’t noticed. Just, James isn’t generous with details about himself and you’re too timid in your standing with him to ask. 

“Practice… Sirius, what have you don’t to my little women!” 

“I thought they were boys?” Sirius says. 

“That gives you no right to knock them over and make them do frankly obscene things to one another. This is a workplace.” James knocks Sirius out of the way, desk chair and all, to set each of his little green figurines onto their feet. The ones that are standing, that is. The sleeping one he puts back in pride of place underneath his computer’s monitor. 

“She told me not to,” Sirius says, not looking at anyone now, peering backward toward the office. “But I didn’t listen, don’t blame our sweet Y/N.” 

“I wasn’t going to.” James sends you a secret smile. 

“She wouldn’t physically withheld me if I weren’t so devilishly fast.” Sirius’ voice warms. “Hello, darling.” 

Remus huffs as he sets down a huge binder of paper. “Hi.” 

“You okay?” 

The tone he uses is so tender, so soft, you aren’t jealous of Remus but you’re not far from it, either. Remus’ frowning is quick to turn up at the sight of his meddling boyfriend. It must be nice to see someone and have them make a bad day good. 

You look up, finding James paused with a hand on his desk. He’s looking at you, impassive. 

“You okay?” you ask him. 

He squints, wrinkles his nose. “Fine. Got shouted at a bit for the reports. Bet you’re glad you have a twisted ankle.” You’re confused at first, then caught. James’ wrinkled face darkens to glare at you. “You lied?” 

“I really didn’t wanna see him today.” Your boss sucks. 

“And we did? Remus, we’ve been betrayed.” 

“James, I knew she was lying, I just don’t care.” Remus rubs his face. “Why shouldn’t one of us escape him?” 

Sirius takes Remus’ empty hand hanging at his side, picture of a concerned lover. 

James, on the other hand, steals another biscuit despite your laughing protesting and nimbly switches off your monitor. 

“Had enough,” James says. Turned away from the boys, he smiles at you playfully, hand twitching at his side like he wants to give you a squeeze. Or a shove. “Your betrayal is noted.” 

“Mm.” You take a third biscuit from your pack to offer him. 

He takes it, letting his knuckles brush under your arm before pulling away. “And filed away for a later date.” 

When Sirius has pulled Remus away for another early lunch, James retakes his chair and slides as close to you as he can be. He looks for your hand under the desk. You pretend it’s just casually there on your knee and not waiting for him to hold. 

“My dad’s family is very well off,” he says, rubbing your index finger with his thumb, “so the estate is huge. They own a lot of land, but he’s not, like, a lord or anything. You’d love it down there though, it’s nice.” 

“I bet I would.”

“Don’t look so surprised.” 

“No, I’m not, I know you’re rich.” 

“Not that sort of surprise. It would be nice to go down there together.” He can tell he’s getting ahead of himself and backtracks. “Well, this weekend I’m going to gorgeous Aberystwyth and you’re…” 

“Doing laundry.” 

“Well,” he says quietly, “maybe you can make some time Sunday night after all of that and we can get a late dinner.” 

“I thought I was in trouble over the twisted ankle.” 

“Who could be in trouble for an injury?” James sandwiches your hand in his. 

“Fake injury.” 

“Oh, my girl,” he murmurs, almost inaudible, “so honest. No punishment on account of owning up to it.” 

Great. My girl and he’s going away for the weekend. James Potter’s your personal nightmare. 

—

james coworker au

[genderfluid-insomniac]

"Drama at S" ~ Cherry Blossom x reader x Joe

words: 1.8k

You ran up to the gate out of breath and pulled down your hood, showing your badge to the people at the gate.

You had gotten caught up with work and rushed off once you realized that S was about to start, grabbing your rollerblades you skated off to meet your friends. Seeing a group of bright-haired people waving you over,

“Hey Y/N! You’re just in time!”

Reki called over to you and gave you a high five, Langa fist-bumping you as well. “Hi, guys! I’m glad I didn’t miss anything! I got off work a bit late, I thought I wasn’t going to make it.” You laughed and spotted Miya invested in his phone, looking up and waving at you, smiling. Skating over and handing him a portable battery,

“I know you always lose power during these matches, so here’s my portable charger! I brought it in case my phone died but luckily it didn’t.” “Oh, thanks! Ready for the beef? I heard it's going to be awesome!”

Agreeing you talked with the group, hearing the crowd around you loudly cheer and shout for someone. You were still relatively new to S, since you had started dating two of the skaters here and met the group that you came to know and love.

It was always a fun time whenever you came and it was certainly never dull, your two lovers competing for your attention.

“Look! It’s Cherry and Joe!”

“Ah! They’re here!”

“Tonights going to be awesome! Maybe we’ll see them skate!”

“They’re both gorgeously stunning as always! When are they not?!”

The last comment made you roll your eyes. You couldn't help but agree, they were both hopelessly attractive and you couldn't help but wonder why they chose to date you of all people. Of course you weren't complaining, but your self confidence wasn’t in the best shape.

You saw both of them spot your group and skate over, jumping off their boards to greet all of you. “Hi everyone, did we miss anything?” Reki and Langs shook their heads, Miya perking up and grabbing his board to talk with the group.

Kojiro turned his head to you and pulled you towards him, “Hey baby, glad you could make it. You look beautiful as always. Miss me?”

“Of course, I’d never miss this. We just saw each other earlier, how could you miss me already?” You laughed as he kissed your cheek, shyly turning away when the others made noises at your PDA.

“Well it’s hard not to when I want to be by your side 24/7.”

Feeling another hand on your shoulder, giving you another kiss on the opposite and his light pink hair coming into view, “I hate to agree with the dopey gorilla but our lover is right. How could we not want to spend as much time with you as possible when you’re perfect for us.”

You stood in between them and smiled with excitement, “Fair, you two are hard to stay away from. Maybe I’ll have to visit you both more.” They smiled and wrapped an arm around your waist. The others began to talk about who was going to race and how pumped they were.

Langa was giving Reki advice with Miya pitching in occasionally about a move that he’s taught the red head earlier. Not missing the quick peck that Langa gave him and seeing Reki’s face blush a bit, scanning the area to see if anyone saw.

Shadow was tuning his skateboard, making sure everything was in shape and chatting with your boyfriends.

You admired how Kaoru always looked perfect wherever he was and his long pink hair pulled back, his black mask covering his face and highlighting his gold eyes. Looking over at Kojiro, as per usual not wearing a shirt for some reason and showing off his body and tattoo, which never failed to fluster you and even still when you thought you had gotten used to it.

Both of them went together perfectly and matched each other like soulmates, despite the arguing that always ensued. You loved them both dearly and yet you still doubted your place in the relationship.

Which evidently was the only thing they agreed on, was that you belonged in their relationship and they wouldn't be the same without you. Leaning your head against Kojiro’s arm and closing your eyes contently, feeling him hum and rub your arm,

This was of course interrupted by a loud band from across the way, shocking you all and making you jump a bit, moving closer to Kaoru and Kojio. There was one person you were warned about by everyone and judging by everyone’s facing you were about to meet him,

“What a wonderful turnout! It seems we have a new face that little group brought, hm?” Reki stood closer to Langa and Miya moved closer to you three and Shadow, everyone seemingly being on guard. You saw the blue haired man skate towards you and circle you all, your lovers moving in front of you and anger painted on their faces.

He stopped in front of you and stepped off his board, closing the distance between you both but Cherry stepping in front of you,

“Step away before you start something you can’t finish.” “Oh! Someone special to you I’m guessing. Now I have to learn more~”

Joe stepped up next to Kaoru, “Trust me when he says that. We’re not letting you mess with them. Back off.” Miya moved closer to you and you put an arm around him, hugging teen. You knew about what had happened to him with Adam and needless to say you were pissed. Seeing Reki, Langa and Shadow move closer to the other two, you squeezed Miya tighter and stood your ground,

Adam frowned, “Okay, okay. I get it, they're important to you all. Well, I guess tonight’s not my night.” He went to skate away but turned back, “I will skate with you little mystery”

You shivered and looked down at Miya, shooting him a smile and pushed off towards the others, “So, that’s the creepy fucker that you warned me about. Yeah, I can see why,” Laughing nervously as the other shook off what happened and tried to enjoy the rest of your night.

After a couple matches you saw people whispering and pointing at you. Some of the girls and some guys gave you jealous looks as you scooted towards your boyfriends, trying to brush off the anxiety that now crawled up your back.

Kaoru noticed and gave you a look, silently asking what was wrong. You motioned to the other people staring at you and he looked around, seeing what you meant. Whispering in your ear,

“Don’t worry, darling, they're just jealous of us, but you’re ours. We’d have to be idiots to leave you. I mean look at you, this beautiful body and those luscious hips.” He laughed and continued, “ Hearing that voice cry out in pleasure when you climax on us, nothing could beat that divine sound~”

Instead of simply talking down your anxiety, Cherry leaned down and put a hand on the back of your neck, kissing you.

You made a noise of shock because this was the last thing you expected him to do but in hindsight it should have been on your radar. Closing your eyes and returning the kiss, hearing the people gasp and whisper around you even more.

He moved his hand, cupping your cheek and passionately deepened the kiss. Kaoru’s eyes open, adoring your blissful expression, no longer full of anxiety and flicking his attention to his lover. By now Kojiro had noticed people murmuring to themselves and getting whipped up, turning around to see what the big deal was,

“Hey!” He met Cherry’s eye and noticed the playfulness in his eyes, saying ‘come on, I dare you’. Chuckling to himself and stepping up the challenge. Pulling his boyfriend away from you and smirking, “Really think you could keep them all to yourself, four eyes? You should know how to share by now.”

You still were against Cherry with a hand around your waist, seeing his eyes flick to yours and then the crowd eagerly watching you. Getting the message, Joe’s gaze met yours and he pulled you against his chest, feeling his warm tan skin against your hands.

“Oh, so that’s what’s going on. I’m sorry baby, I thought you knew.” He lifted your chin with his fingers and closed the gap between you two so that you could feel his breath against your lips, “Let me make it clear to you,”

Kojiro kissed you softly and pulled you against him tighter, you wrapped your arms around his neck since he was so tall. Leaning in and returning the kiss immediately, running your hands through his short soft hair. You broke away for air and hid your face in your boyfriend's chest, a heavy blush covering your face.

Your lovers laughed at the disgusted responses from the teens and turned their attention to you. Some of the crowd started excitedly whispering amongst each other and you heard some chatter about how you all looked cute together and others expressed jealousy at both of them being taken by someone they’d never seen before. It didn’t matter to you as you tried to recover from what just happened and stared at the ground, your roller blades shifting back and forth from your small movements.

“Well, I never expected you both to do that.” They laughed again and pulled you between them, continuing to talk with the others.

As the night progressed you were talking to Reki about some of the skaters that had beefs with each other and how they each used a different technique to advance. You heard a buzzer go off and realized most people had already left, luckily including Adam.

You went to say goodbye to the red and blue teens and Miya who went to give back the portable charger, thanking you and saying his farewell as well. Going to put your headphones in and skate off, you saw that Shadow had already left, apparently having to help his coworker with something.

Kojiro and Kaoru were talking near the entrance, pausing when you came over, “Guess it’s time to say goodbye, huh?” They shared a look and the pink haired calligrapher spoke up,

“Kojiro had quite an idea and I thought it was wonderful as well. What do you say?” “Okay, sure. But what is it?”

Cherry took your hand and pulled you along, Joe skating next to you, “That is for us to know and you to find out, sweetheart.” Smiling as you pull ahead, they race behind you as you all head back to your shared home.

[glenncoco4]

You Can Count On Me

A/N: Chapter 2

••••

18 years later...

She steps into the gym, immediately sensing something in the air shift. It’s not a bad shift more like a welcomed shift, almost the same feeling whenever she enters a room that he’s in. Taking a quick scan across the room, her eyes land on a familiar mop of golden blonde hair attached to a man who’s pounding away at a punching bag. 

Schooling her features, Kensi or “Tracy” strides over to a man that introduces himself as Janklow and begins talking about Danny, how she wanted to come to the place that her boyfriend talked so much about. 

Janklow drops his guard just enough, calling the rest of their teammates over to introduce her, including one Marty Deeks, only today his name isn’t Marty and he’s not her best friend. Today he’s Jason Wyler fighting for a spot on an MMA team full of Marines. 

••••

The three agents along with the tech operator and psychologist continue to stare at the monitor displayed with men from the gym, trying to figure out each ones possible motive to kill Zuna. 

Callen’s brow furrows, his focus solely on the shaggy blonde. “What about Wyler?”

“He’s a bit sketchy.” She sends herself a mental high-five as she pictures her best friend’s reaction at her quip. “But he’s definitely not our guy.”

“He’ doesn’t fit in with the others. What makes you so sure its not him?” Sam questions, turning his attention to the brunette agent. 

She shrugs, trying to remain nonchalant. “It’s just a feeling.”

The team leader share a look with his partner. “Or maybe its his baby blues.”

“Or his fluffy hair.” The ex-Navy SEAL finishes. 

She huffs a laugh, shaking her head. “Listen, guys, I’m telling you, it’s not him.”

“Tell us, what makes you so sure.” Nate finally interjects, wondering what she saw in the blonde. 

She wasn’t sure if she was going to have to out her friend but now she knows she does, there’s no way around it because if she doesn’t her best friend could end up hurt so she takes a deep breath. “Because his name isn’t Jason Wyler, it’s Marty Deeks and he’s an LAPD Detective.”

Callen’s eyes widen in shock. “And you know this because...”

“I was with him when he got his promotion.”

All four men’s brows simultaneously furrow in confusion.

Knowing they’re not going to give up until she gives them a little more, she relents. “He’s my best friend, the person I trust most in the world. He’s not our guy.”

The confidence in which she says it must be enough for the leader because he just shares aa look with his partner before turning back to her, trust written in both their eyes. “Okay.”

••••

Kensi’s just about to open Zuna’s laptop, when the doorknob starts to jiggle. Slowly reaching for the small of her back, where her weapon is secured, she watches as the door slowly opens and is caught off guard for the second time that day.

His cerulean blues widen in surprise when he meets her mismatched chocolate orbs for the second time that day. He really missed her, but that’s besides the point right now. “What the hell are you doing around here?”

“We’re investigating Zuna’s death. What are you doing here?”

“I’m undercover.”

“No shit.”

Before anything else can be said, Callen steps in from the kitchen, joining the two childhood friends. 

“Marty this is Special Agent G Callen. Callen this is Detective Marty Deeks.”

The team leader takes the detective’s offered hand in greeting. “So I hear you know Kensi.”

“Yeah, know might be a bit of an understatement.”

Callen watches in awe of his coworker exchanging a smile with the detective. He’s not certain, but something tells him that the two are fighting something that’s inevitable. “Well we don’t want to step in on your investigation but we do need to find out what happened to Zuna.”

“Understandable.”

“Can you tell us what you’re under for?”

Deeks shakes his head, knowing that someone from the gym could and most likely is watching them. “Not here. There’s been a couple guys coming in and out from the gym since I’ve been here. I can probably slip away in a few hours.”

“You got your cell on you?” Kensi questions her friend, already knowing the answer. 

“Just a burner.”

Callen nods in understanding. “Okay, give Kens your number and we’ll send you an address.” 

“Sure thing.” 

••••

She nearly jumps out of her skin when there’s a knock at the window. He’s definitely gonna pay for that later. Rolling down the window, Kensi see’s the confusion on his face.

“A Wendy’s, really?”

“Well, I couldn’t very well send you the address to the boat shed on a burner.”

When the words hit his ears, realization spreads across his face like an excited puppy that just got a new toy. “No!”

“Get in before I leave you here.”

Not having to be told twice, Marty hightails it around the SUV and quickly jumps in the passenger seat, shaking with excitement. “Kens, are you serious?”

Shaking her head, she checks her rear view as she slowly backs out of the parking lot. “I don’t know what your fascination with the boat shed is.”

“Are you kidding? It’s a secret hidey hole on the water, what’s not exciting about it?”

“Oh right, the Aquaman fantasy.”

“Okay, Miss I wanna fall in love on a ship and have sex in an old jalopy.”

She feigns shock and a little bit of outrage. “Hey, I told you that in confidence.”

“Yeah, but it’s slowly becoming my fantasy too so technically it’s okay.” He wiggles his eyebrows at her playfully. “Besides its just us here.”

Something in his demeanor feels a little flirty to her. Is she going crazy? When he flashes her a smile, she feels an unfamiliar surge of excitement run through her body. What the hell is going on?

He notices a look cross her features that he’s never seen before. “What?”

“Nothing. It’s just...I missed you.”

“I missed you too, Kens.” Marty feels a sudden sense of contentment as he watches her look back to the road and sees the blush rise to her cheeks. There’s a fluttering in his chest that’s unfamiliar to him.  What the hell is happening?

••••

Deeks caught the team up on his op and all that was involved. He explained how Danny hadn’t come home the previous night, something about meeting up with this new girl Tracy. That earned him a famous Kensi trying not to smile, smile, which to be honest is one of his favorite things.

It didn’t go unnoticed by the other two agents in the room at the change in their coworker when she was around the detective. She seemed happier, like she wasn’t carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders. 

The rest of the case goes off without a hitch, NCIS gets their killer and LAPD gets their drug ring bust, but most importantly Marty gets to go home...to his own bed.

••••

There’s a knock at his door, a smile spreading to his lips knowing exactly who it is. He unlocks the deadbolt, twisting the knob and pulls it open. “Well, well, well, if it isn’t Agent Blye.”

Kensi steps around him and into his apartment, case of their favorite beer in her hand. “Well, well, well, if it isn’t Shaggy Rogers.”

“Oh, touché.”

She sends him a smile over her shoulder and something washes over him. The spark in her mismatched orbs, is something he can’t quite describe. He shakes his head, trying to rid this unfamiliar feeling as she goes to the fridge, depositing the rest of the beer after taking two out. 

“Pizza should be here in 30 minutes.”

“You got-“

“Hawaiian, yeah, yeah, but only half.” She shivers with disgust at his preference for toppings as she hands him the bottle. 

“I would expect noting less.”

She squints her eyes, stepping up to him almost in a challenge. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Kensi Blye doesn’t eat any fruit unless its covered in chocolate.”

“I-I ate that apple that one time.”

“Only because your mom hadn’t gone to the store for groceries yet.”

She wants to retort but knows he’s right. So she steps around him, walking over to the couch, landing a soft punch to his shoulder on her way. “Just play the damn movie.”

“You’re the boss...KayKay.”

“I will kill you.”

“No, you won’t.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“You’re my best friend and the person I trust most in the world.”

“Clearly you’ve never seen Snapped.”

He shakes his head in disbelief, unable to stop the grin from appearing on his face. He missed this. He missed her and their banter. 

A sudden knock on the door draws him out of his trance. “I think maybe you should get it. I don’t really want to have my back turned to you right now.”

“Haha.” She steps over his legs, whacking him with his cat pillow as she heads for the door. When she pulls it open, the last person she’d ever think it would be is standing there, all four foot and nine inches of her. “Hetty?”

“Miss. Blye.”

“Come in.”

Kensi ushers her boss into the apartment, eyes wide as saucers as she locks on with his. 

Sending him a hint of a smile, Hetty takes a seat in the chair next to the couch. “Hello, Mr. Deeks.”

“Hello, Ms. Lange.”

“Please, call me Hetty.”

“What can I do for you, Hetty?”

“Actually its more what I can do for you.”

Kensi’s brow furrows along with Marty’s as the OSP manager hands the detective a manila folder.  

Opening it he’s a little caught off guard when he sees all his information spread out before him. Everything from his statement from when Donald Blye saved him and his mother all the way to his most recent case. “Wow, Kensi was right. You are a secret ninja lady.”

The brunette feels the heat rise to her cheeks, feeling the scrutiny of her boss’s gaze fall on her. 

Shaking her head, a tiny smile curls at the old woman’s lips. “It’s clear to me that you two work quite well together...even better than Mr. Callen and Mr. Hanna.”

“Tell us something we don’t already know.” Marty playfully nudges his best friend, trying to get a smile out of her but is unsuccessful. Instead her features are unreadable. What Hetty’s asking would be a huge deal...monumental. I mean working with his best friend, not going under by himself anymore, working with a team...with her. “Can I think about it?”

Kensi’s eyes find his, trying to figure out which way he’s leaning. She can tell he’s holding back because of her, he doesn’t want to over step. He deserves this, a team and people that will truly watch his back and selfishly she wants to be the one to do it and he do the same for her. 

He sees the hopefulness in her eyes and knows the same is mirrored in his own. Getting a nod of approval from his best friend, he turns to his new boss with a smile. “I’m in.”

After he signs the form, Hetty gladly takes the folder back from their new liaison before taking her leave. “Well then as I understand it, you have a major undercover you’re working on and when the time comes you’ll get pulled back in but in the mean time, you’ll be reporting to OSP.”

“Thanks, Hetty.”

“I’ll leave you to it.” She sends them each a smile, showing herself to the door. 

Once the door click shut, Kensi turns to her best friend and now partner...he’s her partner. She can’t help the Cheshire Cat like grin on her face. “We’re gonna be partners.”

Unable to stop himself, Marty closes the distance between them, wrapping his arms around her in hug that’s so familiar to them its like second nature. “We’re gonna be partners.”

••••

The following Monday had Kensi leading her best friend, now partner into the OSP Headquarters. She couldn’t help the smile that was tugging at her lips as she watched the shaggy blonde in his awestruck wonder as she showed him around the building. 

Their first case together is a high profile missing persons case which results in Kensi being held captive but like always, her partner along with Sam and Callen has her back and they live to see another day. 

••••

He’s waiting at the car for his partner when the buzzing from his phone draws his attention. Reaching into his pocket, he pulls out the offending object and immediately rolls his eyes as he reads the caller ID. “Bates, what do ya got?”

As his Lieutenant fills him in on what’s going on, Marty’s brow furrows and his body deflates, his eyes catching those of his best friend as she walks towards him with a bright smile on her face. One thing he hates most is having to cancel plans with her.

“Alright, I’ll be there.”

She waits until he hangs up the phone, her eyes meeting his, already knowing that their plans to go to the music festival this weekend are trashed. 

“I’m not gonna make it in tomorrow. Bates just called me, undercover op we’ve been working on and I finally got my in.”

A sad smile crosses her face, she knows its not his fault. This is what they signed up for. “The sex-trafficking case?”

“Yeah.” 

“When do you leave?”

“Tonight.”

“Okay.”

Her reaction is something he can’t quite describe. He knows what he wants it to be, but he’s just not sure. One thing he knows for sure is that now is not the time to lay it all out on the table. “Kens-“

“You’ll be careful, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

She scolds herself for letting her emotions slip, he doesn’t need this right now. He needs to be focused on his mission, but if she can get a little more time with him, she’ll gladly take it. “Do you have time to grab something to eat before you leave?”

He throws his arm around her shoulders, placing a kiss to the top of her head as they turn to walk towards the pier. “Always have time for you.”

There’s something about this goodbye that shifts their entire relationship, what it may be, they’re not sure. One thing is certain though, their lives are even more intertwined than they thought.

[nyerus]

Hi there! I'm so sorry for how long it took--this week has been so hectic! I'm so excited to answer all of these haha! I’m gonna do them all in one shot, if you don’t mind~ Prepare for a huge wall of text lol:

Xie Lian and Lang Qianqiu:

Honestly I think the interesting part of this relationship is how open-ended it is. LQQ's feelings towards XL fundamentally change after learning the truth and he has absolutely no choice but to accept the fact that everything he once thought he knew was utterly wrong. It's still true that XL delivered the mercy kill on LQQ's father, and took responsibility for that regardless, but he was innocent of the crimes LQQ "killed" him for in return. That's a hard thing to grapple with. After all, LQQ went centuries ignorant of the truth, never dug deeper, and also benefitted from that ignorance by thinking he delivered righteous retribution. Possibly also ascended from it. Now to realize it's all untrue? Such a blow for someone like that. It's not surprising he doesn't know how to deal with it. XL himself thought it would be unfair to take that away from him, but the truth is the truth, and no one could protect him from it (nor should they have had to) forever.

XL and LQQ's relationship before all that, though -- back when XL was Guoshi -- seemed to be quite good. XL was a strict but fair mentor, who wanted to help guide this child to his fullest potential. I think he saw a lot of himself in LQQ, and wanted to do right by him. (This is an interesting parallel between XL and JW, too. How they both had protégés, but XL wanted to protect his protégé, while JW wanted to break his.) On LQQ's side, there was definitely some idolization of his teacher. Understandable that he would be awed by the mysterious and skilled Guoshi, who not only saved him, but went on to become his teacher for years.

I think XL always continued to see LQQ favorably, and felt a great deal of guilt for not being able to give him a good life, free of the troubles he himself faced. It clearly weighs heavily on XL that they turned out too similar in some aspects, like how they lost people they loved. But it's clear that LQQ doesn't really blame him anymore, even if things are now awkward between them post-canon. He clearly still feels things towards his old teacher, and I think it's interesting that he kept watch over Guoshi Grave -- even had special wards around it centuries later -- and when it was "disturbed" in the final extra, he immediately went down to investigate. And he also clearly wanted to do something to help XL, but didn't know how, and was sick with guilt that he caused XL that much pain. On XL's side, he definitely didn't want Hua Cheng to kill his old disciple lol. (I also think it was very shocking for LQQ to see XL so... different than how he was as Guoshi! So much to process for him.) Who knows how they’ll ultimately turn out~

Backtracking a bit: the ending scene we get for them in the main novel, with LQQ returning the earring, is actually really beautiful and symbolic. I don't think it's a coincidence that MXTX had it be LQQ. (While realistically, he does make the most sense as King Lang Ying's descendant, there are countless ways the coral pearl could have ended up in anyone's hands.) That whole thing represents that your kindness will come back to you. It isn't for nothing. That doing good and helping others IS worth it. This is not only what XL believed, and what he wanted to specifically teach LQQ, but also what one of the themes of the novel is. Kindness is difficult, and often met with harshness or even hate, but ultimately, it is worth it. Because the difference you make for one person will last an eternity.

Xie Lian and Banyue:

I think that's a good segue into XL and BY's relationship too! They have a very different relationship than XL and LQQ. XL was able to actually impart his beliefs on BY, who continued to always follow them, though unfortunately she turned out too similarly as well. I think it's a bit too far to say that XL was like a father to her, but I think moreso XL was a guardian and role model who was present in her life for a while. But XL was also very busy during that time as General Hua. No doubt he was stretching himself thin trying to protect people, taking care of his myriad of injuries, and trying to look after not only BY but the other kids as well (including Pei Su).

Naturally, BY herself is extremely different than LQQ. In every single way possible. But she also took what XL taught her and wanted to do the right thing for others. I think her seeing XL protecting other people -- though he often got hurt (and then later "died" for her) -- was really foundational. In both positive and negative ways. Positively because helping others is good, but negatively because XL was so self-sacrificing and that carried over to BY, too. Not to mention him getting trampled to death while saving her would have been traumatic to her, though it's not either of their faults. That's war. And later, when XL finally healed from that months later, it was too late for him to even attempt to find her again. (Especially since he floated away somewhere, and is absolutely cursed with directions lol!)

Still, it's clear that BY kept him in his heart and tried to follow his principles, even after death. I think she sees him now as a bit of a mentor figure, with a great deal of respect. From XL's side, he wanted to do more for her -- and probably also saw her as a beloved student of his -- but is ultimately just glad she is alright now.

Personally, I like to think they catch up from time to time when they are free, post-canon!

He Xuan and Hua Cheng:

I think these two are definitely along those lines, yeah. Basically begrudging allies. They aren't really friends, nor do they really want to be (alas), but they know it's mutually beneficial to work together. They give each other a large amount of leeway, but definitely collaborate on what they need to. HC can give HX resources, and HX is at the very least a reliable set of eyes in Heaven (all other supposed spies aside). They don't have any reason to work against each other, and if they work together, then they both get something out of it. Simple as that.

I think the best way to describe them is that they're like co-workers. Even if you don't necessarily like or agree with your coworker, you still work with them to get the job done. Maybe you'd share a meal or a drink with each other, make some small talk, but you aren't actually buddies and you aren't gonna hang out on the weekends.

However, I LOVE their dynamic a lot lol. This makes it sound a bit boring, but I think they have a very unique relationship. Interesting that they have a lot of similarities (which is why they can tolerate each other to begin with), but they're polar opposites in so many ways.

[chibimuiwritesstuff]

Ex-MMA Fighter Xie Lian AU

A super random AU I thought up in the shower (because that’s where all our best thoughts come from). Essentially borne from my amusement at how Xie Lian, in his youth, was super obsessed with really good fighters (a tidbit that I feel goes woefully unmentioned in fandom and even by the author later in the novel). Posting because I need to get the idea out of my head and possibly actually start writing it.

(Also I don’t actually know anything about the MMA world, especially competitively - I just dabbled in Judo/Karate in my late teens, but that’s about it).

So basically. Imagine, XL is a super sweet but clumsy department head at Heavenly Officials Ltd. (I have no idea what kind of company this actually is, ideas are welcome), whom his staff all adore but also kind of worry for cuz omg is he super air headed and clutzy and fucking hopeless. Just the other week he managed to spill coffee all over his laptop--his third one of the year and it’s only March! But he is literally so nice, and despite his clumsiness is actually super competent at his job and his department always gets stellar results (what department are they? I have no clue, I know nothing about the corporate world).

What none of his staff/coworkers know is that their ridiculously clumsy boss used to be a champion mixed martial arts fighter in his university days. Or that he would even be interested in something as brutal as MMA cage matches since XL is a known pacifist who will go out of his way to catch bugs and place them safely outside when he has the time. But then one of the IT guys - in the process of fixing his laptop and restoring his hard drive finds a folder filled with videos and pictures of MMA cage matches all featuring the same fighter... you guessed it, Hua Cheng (I know MMA is not wrestling, but let’s pretend stage names are a thing in the competitive MMA world as well so HC is his fighter name in the arena)! The gossip spreads like wildfire, but everyone just thinks XL is just a fan of this ridiculously attractive fighter and don’t really think beyond that (although they do think it’s kind of adorable that XL  seems to be such a huge fanboy of this gorgeous, gorgeous man).

And the thing is - the staff have heard vague snippets from XL himself about his husband, “San Lang” who they have yet to meet because apparently he is often busy in the evenings and is therefore unable to attend corporate events. But they don’t make the connection that the adorable San Lang who cooks and pampers their boss could be the incredibly brutal and violent HC (his staff all decided to review some videos just to see who has captured their bosses interest and most of them are erm... quite surprised).

Then of course, someone does find out that SL and HC are the same person and this is when shit really hits the fan because the thing is - the staff generally knew that XL and his partner could be quite *ahem* adventurous and coupled with XL’s inherent clumsiness they had gotten used to seeing random marks and bruises on their boss that they probably shouldn’t be witness too, but whom he always insists are ‘nothing’. But when they learn that his partner is a potentially super violent MMA fighter his staff get awfully protective and worried because... could their boss be in an abusive relationship that they aren’t aware of???? This opinion is not helped by the fact that when they try to discretely ask FX and MQ about HC they ofc give some pretty bad impressions (because both of them can’t stand HC--but the feelings are pretty mutual).

So of course, they must staff an intervention! And a perfect opportunity comes up--as part of some charity event their company is partnering with the local MMA organization to hold a friendly exhibition charity match and surprise-surprise, they’re bringing in their big gun, HC and he’s apparently going to fight some old veteran whose fighter name is “His Royal Highness”. (google reveals a fighter who constantly wore a mask to hide his identity). This is their chance to meet the bosses partner and maybe subtle-y threaten him enough to let him know that their boss is cared for and they will protect him at all costs if necessary.

(side note: Feng Xin and Mu Qing don’t bother to correct anyone because a) they generally stay out of gossip surrounding XL because b) they respect Xie Lian’s privacy c) they hate talking about HC in any capacity and d) they have an on-going bet to see when ppl will learn their ‘adorable clumsy boss’ could theoretically take out an entire swat team without batting an eyelash if he really wanted to--he was nearly recruited to be a special ops agent, but anyway)

So. The day of the charity match arrives and XL is... nowhere to be found??? Perhaps he’s somewhere else, VIP seating with the CEO (Jun Wu) or something since HC is his partner after all. Anyway, they watch the fight and it’s... Wow. But also a bit different? HC doesn’t seem as wild or brutal as he seems from online videos, although there is still this energy that everyone can feel in the fight that they can’t really place. But wow is it a fight and in the end HC surprisingly loses????

Ref blows the whistle and the staff all clamber down hoping to get in a word with HC when they all stop short because “His Royal Highness” suddenly rips his mask off and flies into HC’s arm and... and is that THEIR BOSS???

Minds are blown. Jaws are dropped. The two of them are practically three seconds away from full-on making out on the cage floor before FX/MQ yell at them to “stop being fucking gross, you’re in public damn it” and then XL snaps out of it and remembers, oh right, his entire staff team from work is here and they all just scream at him and he’s just like ???? because... well...

He hadn’t been trying to keep this a secret at all?

But now that the cat is out of the bag he is super happy to introduce HC to everyone, and then hopefully drag his partner off to the nearest secluded space because half the reason XL retired was a) he was done uni and was offered a nice position by Jun Wu (CEO of HO Ltd) - who was also an ex-fighter and trained under the same master as XL so they know each other pretty well - so he had less time and b) he felt he had found his match with HC and so the thrill of fighting others wasn’t as big anymore and c) ...after getting together cage matches were just another form of foreplay and it made things rather... ah... difficult to say the least. So XL bowed out without any issue. HC stayed in the profession because he knows XL likes watching him fight :)

Also just because XL doesn’t compete anymore doesn’t mean they don’t still spar on the regular in private. There is just something about the atmosphere of competitive cage matches that just got their blood flowing more than just sparring on the side for fun (although that would often lead to sex afterwards too, but at least in that case there wasn’t an audience).

So. There you have it.

[mxrvel-imxgines-blog]

Car Ride Conversations (smut)

Scott Lang x reader

warnings: SMUT (unprotected sex) [pls use some form of protection babies can be scary]

Request by Anon: #183: “car sex looks so much easier in the movies”, #186: “No strings attached, #190: “But we can’t do that here!”

As a secretary of X-Con’s, there was little you didn’t know about the personal life of your coworkers. After working extensively with the guys, you became like family to them, spending late evenings together at bars after a particularly tough assignment, talking about the latest superhero exploits, or picking up their kids from school when they were busy with a client.

However, there was one who you had begun to see in a different light lately.

There wasn’t ever a moment it seemed like where Scott Lang hadn’t been on your mind. Something about his goofy personality and optimistic demeanor had drawn you in like a moth to a flame - or rather - an ant to a sugar cube. His kind eyes and charming smile had only made you fallen harder in the past coming weeks, and it was getting rather difficult to hide your growing attraction and desire around the workplace.

You figured these feelings were only a mild infatuation and would pass with time; besides, you had seen Hope around a lot lately and figured that she had some type of relationship with Scott.

One late night after leaving the office, you and Scott decided to go and grab some drinks at a nearby bar to relax after a hectic day. Scott was looking into moving into a different building so you were busy looking into the financial aspects of things while Scott spoke to the landlord. All in all, both of you were exhausted.

After a few hours of chatting and a beer or two, you began to walk your separate ways, until Scott paused. You frowned, adjusting your purse, looking him up and down, “What’s up?”

“Can I give you a ride home? I can’t leave a pretty lady like yourself alone on the street.” Scott offered a teasing grin, thumbing towards the X-Con’s building down the road, where the “company van” sat in front. 

Heart thumping in your chest at the fact that he called you pretty, you managed to smile and nod nonchalantly instead. You walked towards the van side by side, and your stomach jolted when you felt your hand bump into his.

Scott’s heart fluttered as he caught your glance, purposefully swinging his hand into yours to see if maybe you’d catch his hint. 

You merely smiled bashfully at the ground. It was only an accident, he hadn’t meant to, did he?

Climbing into the front seat, you and Scott jumped as the radio began blaring on of Luis’s mix tapes, which were all terrible cover bands that played Spanish hit songs, laughing afterwards.

It was a refreshing ride home, just joking and laughing for once instead of having to worry about staying under the streetlights and away from wandering men. At one point you got onto the topic of movies and how they make everything look so easy.

“Sex is the biggest one - it’s so much more work in real life, especially when they do it in cars and in bathrooms and unorthodox places.” You rambled on carelessly, not noticing Scott’s grip tightening on the steering wheel, “It’s like propaganda for teenagers, like I don’t think many of them realize that car sex looks so much easier in the movies than it actually is in real life.”

Scott scoffed playfully, his cheeks burning as his thoughts ran wild, fantasizing, “I don’t think it could be that hard.”

“Have you ever had sex in a car?” You asked, eyeing his flustered state over. You had, once in high school with a previous boyfriend, however it hadn’t been so great.

“Well, no. But I’m sure if I were to, it’d be the best sex you’d ever have in a car.” Scott realized his mistake as soon as he said it. His dirty thoughts of you were still lingering in his mind and it just happened to slip out. He wasn't expecting your next words.

“Then prove it.” 

The temptation of your challenge swirled in Scott’s mind for only a lingering moment; the possibility of ruining whatever was going on between you two was nerve wracking, but the way you were leaning over towards him to where he could smell your perfume and the growing hard on in his jeans was unbearable.

Scott swerved onto a side road and into a nearby vacant lot behind an old rundown strip mall. “I could prove it to you right now.”

“b-but-,” You stuttered pathetically, a red flush crawling up your neck. When you said ‘prove it’, you only meant it jokingly, you hadn’t expected him to heed your words so quickly.

“No strings attached.” His hand found yours, just your fingertips, shyly interlacing them. He met your gaze, eyes wide with a sense of seriousness you hadn’t seen in a very long time, “This can be whatever you want, if you want anything at all.”

“Yes.” You tightened your grip on his hand, suddenly desperately aware of the heat between your thighs. “I do - I have wanted... this.” You murmured shyly. “But we can’t do that here!”

“You’re the one who wanted me to prove it.” Scott chuckled as his other hand moved up towards your face, caressing your neck. His fingers were warm and smooth against your skin and it sent a shudder through your system to imagine what they’d be doing. “Let me show you how easy it can be.”

Leaning forward, you pressed a chaste kiss against his cheek, slowly trailing down along his jaw. He let out an airy sigh of relief, his fingers twisting further up into your hair.

Your hand that wasn’t still intertwined with his grasped at bicep, nails pressing indents in when he gently tugged your head up to look up at him, lips nearly touching.

“I can kiss you right? This is okay?” He mumbled, his eyes nearly closed but full blown with lust and affection. 

“Yes.”

His lips met yours softly, almost hesitantly, until a rhythm was established. His teeth grazed your bottom lip, and you let out a soft whimper. 

Scott reached for the hem on your shirt, looping his fingers underneath when you paused. “Wait, lets go to the back.”

You crawled into the back of the van. Scott followed suit, quickly resuming where he had left off. 

He quickly tugged your shirt off and tossed it aside, hands roaming your body as his lips met yours again. You hummed into his mouth as he hands wrapped themselves around your ass, squeezing the excess flesh. Craving more contact, you pulled away, pealing the rest of your clothes away. Scott stripped his shirt and jeans, immediately pulling your naked figure back onto his lap. You could feel Scott’s erection twitching between your legs and you parted them further, craving even more friction. 

Scott thrusted up into your hips, his face buried into your neck nipping and sucking on your hot skin. Soft moans escaped your parted lips and you gripped his biceps tightly, relishing the sensation of his hands tracing down your back, along your sides, down your thighs.

Cupping your exposed breasts, Scott’s lips met yours once more, a low groan emitting from his throat as you rubbed against him, urging for him to continue. He pulled away from your mouth, moving to your chest, marking every inch of skin with his tongue and teeth. 

You ran your hands through his hair, whimpers leaving your mouth as he sucked hard on your nipple, leaving a dark hickey that would last for a few days. His eyes peered up at yours as he continued to run his tongue down your body, and you let out another whine, feeling warm slick accumulate between your thighs. You wanted him bad and he knew it.

Scott pulled away from your flushed skin with a smug grin, his hands gripping your legs apart to expose your soaking core to him. He let of a low hum of pleasure seeing how glistening your upper thighs were. “Wow, babe, you’re absolutely soaked.” Placing his thumb barely against your clit, he leaned closer to your ear, “Now tell me how you want it, and I’ll show you how good I can make you feel.”

Your breath was caught in your throat, Scott’s eyes peering right into your soul. Cheeks burning, you arched your back, lifting your hips to him. “I want you i-inside me.”

Scott let out a soft groan, and you could feel his erection twitch excitedly in his boxers. His thumb pressed firmly against your clit now, rubbing slow tantalizing circles, “Ugh, [Name], you don’t know how much I’ve wanted this.”

“Tell me...” You panted out, a heated knot slowly building in the pit of your stomach from the way he touched you.

“Oh you’re a naughty girl, aren’t you?” Scott bit his bottom lip, slipping a finger into your wet folds, making you moan out in relief. “Does hearing about how I want to fuck you turn you on? How I want to make love to you and show you how beautiful you are?”

“Oh... Scott,” You paused, pushing yourself up. He halted his motions, brows furrowing in concern. “...You want to make love to me?”

“I- uh, yeah, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t of-” Scott rambled, until you pushed him down, crawling on top of him. Yours hands flowing up and down his chiseled body, tugging at his boxers.

“Then do it.” 

Scott sat up, pulling your body close against his own, lining himself to your entrance. He pressed his forehead against yours, “Are you sure? This is okay?”

“Yes please,” You moaned out as you sunk onto him. He squeezed your waist tightly as you adjusted, his chest heaving as you throbbed around him.

Shifting his hips below you, you sighed out in pleasure, resting your hands on the back of his neck. A low growl emitted from Scott’s throat as he thrusted up into you, grasping at your skin like you were going to disappear from his arms.

The hot coil in your stomach grew as he continued to thrust upwards, and you made sure to match his pace evenly, slamming yourself down onto him. He then reached down between your bodies, rubbing your clit again teasingly. His deep thrusts and soft touches were enough to get you close to the edge, but not over. You whined, pressing your lips against his, desperate to be closer, wanting more. He hummed into the kiss, and when he pulled away, he grunted, “G-god, I love you so fucking much.”

And you came. You shuddered and cried out as your orgasm overtook you, Scott’s quiet groans and grunts of pleasure sending your head spinning. Scott continued to give everything he had to offer, soon spilling his seed into you, the milky liquid running out from between your legs.

He grinned at you, planting sloppy kisses against your neck and face, leaving you breathless and giggling. He pulled out of you, and suddenly you felt helplessly empty, and suddenly you longed for more. Leaning into the front, he clicked open the glove compartment and turned around, holding some napkins out to you, “Here’s a little something to clean up with. I know it’s not much.”

You put a finger up to your lips in playful thought, a devious plan forming in your mind. “Well, I’m sure if I get home you can make it up to me and clean me up proper.”

A dark look settled in Scott’s eyes once more. “I can prove how easy it is in the shower if you want.”

It didn’t take long for the both of you to throw on your clothes and get back to your house for another round or two.

[greenhanded-redthumbed]

Just A Small Town Boy

Clark grew up with his parents telling him how he fell from the sky. He wouldn’t believe them if it hadn’t been for the other things: that he’s strong enough to lift a tractor, that he can start a fire a hundred metres away with just his eyes, that he can fly. They tell him that he’s a miracle child: a gift. And that everything he can do just makes him more perfect, even if they have to hide them away for now. 

Not yet, they insist, they’re not ready for you yet. 

He accepts it, practicing to control his powers at night in the field next to their house. He wades through the wheat stalks that rise to his shoulders and is careful not to face anything important (he’d accidentally demolished far too many walls growing up, and even though his parents were more than happy to keep up with the continuous renovations, he still tries his best to keep everything in one piece). He learns to avoid certain bright lights that bring about a burning in the back of his eyes, to keep headphones with him for when his hearing runs rampant picking up anything said for miles and to always have an elastic around his wrist to keep him present and remind him to use human strength rather than super strength. (The Kents have an entire draw devoted to the elastics and other such trinkets ready for them to give way).

Clark’s gotten better at controlling his powers over the years, with the reports of alien sightings around Smallville dropping as he gets older. But he can’t stay forever.

He loves his parents dearly - loves the farm too, it’s the only home he’s ever known. And as much as he’d love to stay here, he can’t. He can do things no one else can, he can help people no one else can. But there’s not that many people in Smallville, and not much to save them from.

So he leaves, heads to the big city to pursue a career in journalism (because how else is he going to know who’s in trouble). Clark considers working with the police, but a quick read of the papers tells him of the high levels of corruption - all of them probably aren’t bad, but Clark has never been good at reading people and thinks he’s better safe than sorry.

His spotless record, good grades and glowing letters from his high school teachers is enough to land him an internship at one of the bigger newspapers in the city. The Daily Planet.

Clark turns up for his first day bright eyed, watching the chattering reporters move around the cubicles on the office floor - some darting forward with bundles of papers in their arms as they reach a breakthrough while others meander slowly and chatter greetings to their coworkers.

He doesn’t know what he expected - certainly not his own office and free reign, but maybe something more than cramped square metre cubicle with a desk crammed in (the walls of the cubicle barely reach his ears so the full-time, seasoned journalists can see if there’s someone to make coffee for them). 

Occasionally, someone drops off a list of some kind for him to grab files on:

“I need the profit margins of these companies on my desk by six”

“Can you get the M.P.D crime stats to me by this afternoon?”

“I want you to pull up all our previous stories on the mayor and check what our bias is.”

It’s not exactly saving anyone, but it’s a foothold as a journalist. He’ll get there. 

And he does - after a few months or so of perfecting his coffee-making skills and navigating the achingly slow computer he’s been given, a file is dropped unceremoniously into his cubicle. Clark pulls the headphones from his ears, letting the office chatter settle around him and turns to see one of the reporters looking down at him. The dark-skinned man would be shorter than him if he was standing, bulky and dressed in a neat, navy suit - Clark recognises him instantly as one of the more senior reporters.

“What do you need Mr. White?” Clark asks, one hand moving to fiddle nervously at the hair at the nape of his neck. It’s the latest manifestation of his fiddling - he doesn’t have his parents stockpile of rubber bands and always seems to lose them in the mess of his tiny desk. 

Mr. White, Perry as Clark recalls, “I want you to write this report. Twelve lines. Puff piece: local orphanage.” 

“Write a- write a report?” Clark stutters, surprised it’s not just another files request.

“Yes, Kent,” Perry White says slowly and Clark jumps at his own name, “You do want to be a reporter, don’t you?”

“Y-yes, of course,” Clark stammers, pulling the paper-thin file closer, “I’ll get on this right away, sir.”

“I’m not ‘sir’, Kent. Not yet anyway,” Perry says turning away. He calls back, “On my desk, tomorrow at five.” Clark’s too nervous to remember he doesn’t know which desk is Perry’s. He supposes he’ll just have to work it out when he comes to it.

As he goes to open the file, he notices a face watching him over the cubicle divider. A fellow intern, with long black hair and pale blue eyes that make her features seem sharper. Colder. Like she could open her mouth and freeze him to the core.

“Um, hi?” he starts, “We haven’t met, I’m Clark-”

She cuts him off. “A newbie.”

He doesn’t know what to say to that. She’s not wrong or particularly rude. Just matter-of-fact in a way his southern hospitality hadn’t prepared him for. 

“Yes, a newbie-” He replies with a grin. She cuts him off again by picking up the file from Perry and flipping it open. 

“What are you doing?” Clark questions, hoping he’s not going to end up in a fist fight with a fellow intern for this story. 

“Just checking this out, don’t worry,” she mumbles preoccupied scanning through the loose sheets, “I’m making sure the big dogs aren’t screwing me over.”

She looks up at him and her face briefly contorts into a smile - not a warm one, a happy one. A cold, practiced greeting to show no harm done, a I don’t mean to be a weirdo going through your files I’m actually a rational and normal person kind of smile. “But Perry’s right, this is a bludge.”

“Okay?” Clark replies, honestly confused by the whole interaction more than anything, “Well, it was nice meeting you Ms…”

“Lane,” she answers him, “Lois Lane, the top intern. That’s not an official term, but it’s the truth.”

He offers her a smile and a nod before turning his attention back to the file that has once again been dropped on his desk. It’s only two loose sheets, almost no info and a basic piece. But at least it’s him who’ll be writing it. One step at a time.

(When it’s printed in the lower corner of page twelve two days later, he cuts it out and sends it back home to Kansas. Ma and Pa are deliriously proud and request copies of all future articles. He doesn’t find out until Christmas that they’ve turned one of their walls into a display for his published pieces.)

Three weeks after his first article, a new intern moves into the cubicle next to him. (Ms Lane’s now one of the people bringing bludge stories and requests to his desk. She must have been right about being top intern). The new intern, Ms Lang, is a city girl. Born and raised in Metropolis. But she has a warmth that reminds him of home. Warm brown skin and wavy brown hair and warm brown eyes that seem to shine when she smiles.

He’s more than a bit enraptured. 

She leans over half way through her first day to talk to him. “So, how long have you been an intern here?”

He grins back and the office fluorescents suddenly shift to the warm summer sun reflected off the wheat fields. “Almost five months now.” 

“Huh, good to know,” she replies and he notices her nails are painted the same shade of pink as her dress. 

“Why’s that?” he asks before she can disappear back into her cubicle.

“Because on my tour round here I heard you were the new top intern. And I want to get there faster than you.” Then she’s gone, back to becoming the hardest working journalist of Metropolis.

It took Clark a moment to let her words sink in. He knew the Daily Planet requires journalists to show their replacements around. He cranes his head over the wall of his cubicle and catches sight of Ms Lane on the other side of the floor. She’s arguing with a colleague over something or other and doesn’t so much as glance at him. It’s kind of surprising that she thinks so highly of him. It’s also kind of the best.

It’s around this time he makes his first appearance as superman. He puts on the suit his father left him (the one Pa and Ma kept for him until he turned sixteen) and sets out to help people. It’s strange, giving in to the sounds and sights and smells he’s been blocking out all his life. He can hear the whole city buzzing beneath him as he floats above it, tuning in and out of conversations like a radio.

He decides to start small - he picks cats out of trees, clears trees off of roads and flies the dying to the hospital at super speed. An alien in primary colours zipping around the city catches the attention of the Daily Planet pretty quickly. He reads the article one of the reporters, Mr John Corben, writes on him and is happy to see it’s mostly good (wary, but still praising his actions).

Clark steps up his attempts at heroism - he now shows up to confront active shooters and floats above witnesses for particularly nasty cases. Praise starts getting thrown his way, with t-shirts and fan-blogs. They treat him like a celebrity.

Then his first supervillain arrives. He calls himself the Ultra-humanite and the papers obligingly print it in their headlands ‘Superman vs Ultra-humanite: Shocking Defeat for the Man of Steel’. The Ultra-humanite - Clark doesn’t even know his real name - isn’t like the regular street thugs and gun-wielding cowards. He can’t match Clark physically, so he does it mentally. He outsmarts Clark at every turn with automations and traps and a thousand other misdirections. 

The Ultra-humanite also introduces Clark to a new weakness: a small, almost fluorescent green rock he calls Kryptonite. It leaves him weak and dizzy. All the hyperawareness sinking away as the world dulls and blurs. He can safely say he doesn’t like it.

It dawns on him that he’ll need help. So he turns to the person he thinks he can trust. 

“Right,” Lana says slowly as he hovers in front of her, work shirt unbuttoned to show his famous emblem, “So you’re the superman with the superpowers who wants help taking down a supervillain. Super.” 

“You don’t have to be apart of the fighting or anything,” he assures her, “I just need a plan or something to get the upper hand on him.”

They’re on the roof of the Daily Planet. It’s the only place he could think of that wouldn’t have security cameras or be too suspicious to visit. Enough people still smoke to make it an acceptable break spot.

“You want me to outsmart a supervillain. Outsmart a supersmart evil genius supervillain.”

“Or help, just offer any insight,” Clark says, bringing himself back to the floor and doing up his shirt. That seems to calm Lana down, and she tilts her head slightly, gazing dazedly out at the horizon

It takes her a minute, but when she looks at him again he knows he made the right decision to come to her. “So he’s found ways to outsmart all your super powers.” Lana starts slowly, “Because he studied Superman.”

“I guess so,” Clark says.

“So,” Lana continues, “Use your abilities as Clark Kent. The ones he doesn’t know about. Track him down in his lair like a reporter - with paper trails and good old investigation.”

He does, tracks down all the stores that sell the fancy equipment the Ultra-humanite - a man, Clark learns through his investigation, who is called by the far-less threatening name of Gerard Shugel - and traces the sales back to accounts and addresses. 

He finds Shugel’s lair, crashing in dressed in full Superman regalia to see that very man tinkering on his next trap. It’s easy for Clark to apprehend him on his own turf. Just carrying him to the police station and leaving his address for them to search through. Clark was raised to believe that everything gets easier with practice, so he knows he’ll be ready for the next supervillain to threaten his city. And he knows he has someone to turn to when he gets out of his depth. 

 After a year of intern work, Clark finally gets a position as a full-blooded journalist. (Investigative, which is the same department as Ms. Lane. There are some whispers going around that two newbies handling a department is risky business, but those are shut down by an icy blue glare.)

They work side by side in matching offices, with Clark dibsing the police corruption case. (Which Ms. Lane thinks is undignified but lets him have it so she can keep working on her inquiring into the company practices of one of Metropolis’ largest businesses. Something called Lexcorp.)

Lana inherits the role of top intern, a placement which Clark confidently informs his replacement of. He knows it’s not long until she’s on the detective side of the office and looks forward to it.

He knows that the people are ready for him now. And more importantly, he’s ready for them.

[kezikatescribbling]

Where Did You Go?

Chapter 2: Office Secrets

Leon S. Kennedy x Reader

F/M

Leon and [Yn] have been friends for years, but over the past two weeks they finally began dating. It's all going well until [Yn] goes missing. With a trail of clues that leave Leon more questions than answers, will he be able to find her?

Also on AO3:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/20546981/chapters/50083046#workskin

The first thing Leon tries is calling her friend at work, who she was supposed to be meeting with earlier in the day. After a couple rings a deep, pleasant voice answers.

“Is this the famous Leon [Yn] has told me so much about? I’ve had my ear talked off about you over the last couple years. I hear you finally made a move on her too! Good for you. [Yn] has been a wreck of nerves the last, oh, seven months or so? She kept wondering if she should make a move, or if it would ruin things between you two, and she kept chickening out. Nice to see that you at least have some ba-”

“I’m guessing you’re Felix?” Leon had been waiting for a pause to break into the conversation, but evidently this man didn’t need to breathe. “How did you know it was me calling?”

“Photographic memory love. I saw your number on [Yn]’s phone at one point, and there you go, locked in my mind forever. It’s a handy little trick, but I’d never survive combat, so I’m resigned to being the best damn secretary you’ll ever see.” This man...had a story to tell about anything and everything. Leon didn’t have time for this.

“Listen, I’m sorry to interrupt, but this is urgent. Did [Yn] come into work this morning? She said she had some files she needed to deliver to you.”

“Why, yes she did. And you must have done a real number on her this morning, she looked like a right mess. Makeup a mess, hair in a tizzy, and boy was she distracted! She barely said two words to me. Gave me the files then holed up in her office.”

“But I didn’t…” Leon’s mind was racing. She was a mess when she got to the office? It was only a half hour drive from Leon’s apartment to work. “What time did she get there?”

“Oh she got here close to noon, I would say? I was swamped with calls this morning, I barely had a moment to breathe, let alone look at the clock.” 

[Yn] had left Leon’s place close to ten o’clock, and with the half hour drive, that left another hour and a half where anything could have happened. Leon knew Felix wasn’t an idiot, he would have noticed if [Yn] was in any kind of distress, and he assumed it had been Leon that mussed up [Yn]’s hair and makeup, so he must not have sensed anything amiss. That told Leon something very important; whatever had happened to [Yn] in that missing time, she had felt the need to keep one of her closest and most trusted friends, as well as a government coworker, in the dark about it.

[Yn] was an excellent liar when she needed to be. She had been trained for it after all. But Leon knew she hated it, and would never use that skill on someone she knew unless it was absolutely necessary. In this case, most likely she had been either protecting herself, or more likely, Felix. He said she had gone to her office.

 “[Yn] mentioned that she left some papers she needed in her office, and since I was already out, I told her I’d grab them. Mind if I come in and take a look?” Leon tried to keep most of the desperation out of his voice, not wanting to tip off Felix that something was wrong.

“Oh, uhh, sure love. Normally I wouldn’t do that, but given all the amazing things [Yn] has told me about you, I think I can make an exception. Just come see me when you get in.” Leon said a quick goodbye to Felix before he could launch into another story, and ran out the door, with his gun strapped to his thigh, and ammo belt around his waist. Something was definitely wrong, and he was going in prepared for anything. 

                                                    🙠

After twenty minutes, and several broken traffic laws, Leon arrived at [Yn]’s office building. He shows his badge at the security point, then breaks into a brisk walk, half jogging to the elevator. Once he gets to [Yn]’s floor, he quickly makes his way to Felix’s desk, smiling in greeting and catching the keys that are tossed to him.

“Here’s the spare key, just make sure you give them back, Boss will knock my teeth out if I lose them again. After only a month, I’d be lucky if it was only my teeth that were knocked loose.” Felix continues to mutter to himself, and Leon smiles, takes the keys, and walks over to [Yn]’s office.

Unlocking the door with the key numbered the same as the office, Leon steps in cautiously, checking all the corners and hiding spots for threats. When his quick scan reveals none, he walks the rest of the way in and shuts the door with a soft click, hoping that no one noticed him.

“There has to be something here. Come on [Yn], give me a clue here.” Leon speaks softly into the silence, trying to keep calm. [Yn] had been here, maybe a bit tousled, but alive and unharmed. But that was close to twelve hours ago now. A lot can change in twelve hours.

Leon does his best to look quickly and thoroughly through the office, making sure to put everything back in its place, just in case someone was keeping tabs on [Yn]. The blinds were closed now, so no one was watching him, but Leon couldn’t be sure that they wouldn’t check to see if anything was amiss or missing after he left.

Upon closer inspection of the desk, Leon realizes that [Yn]’s computer is still on, only the screen is off. He presses the button to turn on the screen, carefully sitting down as it flickers to life. The desktop is open and blank, but the browser was left open. Leon opens the window to see [Yn]’s email, open to a message she received early this morning.

The message came from an official company email address, based on the name of it, another agent, Jocelyn Lang. The message is asking [Yn] out for drinks when she has the time. [Yn] had sent a reply that morning, before she left Leon’s apartment, saying to meet at the usual place. Besides the fact that they were meeting for drinks at ten thirty in the morning, the email seemed normal. But Leon knew better.

Looking back on it, [Yn] had seemed rather rushed to leave that morning. Leon had assumed that she was just excited about their date later, but now her rushed goodbye and playful refusal to stay for breakfast had more sinister undertones.

Leon sifts quickly through [Yn]’s computer, but it’s clear this was what she wanted him to see. He takes out his phone and snaps a picture of the correspondence, making sure the information isn’t lost. Leon is about to stand after closing the browser and turning off the computer, when he notices a faint green glow coming from something under the monitor. It’s a phosphorescent stamp on a business card.

“Delphi Bar and Grill, 24 hours,” Leon reads softly, “that’s the clue. I’ve got it [Yn],” Leon says to the empty room, quickly putting the chair in its place and shutting off the lights, ready to leave, “I’m coming for you [Yn]. I’m coming.”

Leon locks the door and goes back to return the keys. After waiting a moment for Felix to finish his call, Leon hands over the keys, and after a moment of thought, decides to subtly question him.

“Find what you were looking for, love?” Felix rests his head in his palm, elbow propped on the desk. The sudden focus throwing Leon off a bit, but not enough to distract him.

“Yeah. Can I ask you something?” Felix nods,  “[Yn] mentioned something about Jocelyn Lang this morning. I don’t think I’ve met her. Was she in this morning?” Leon watches Felix’s face carefully for any sign of deceit.

“No, I haven’t seen Ms. Lang today. I think she’s supposed to be on vacation. I haven’t seen her in a couple weeks, actually.”

Leon forces a laugh, “What do you mean she’s ‘supposed’ to be on vacation? Does she have a quota for how many margaritas she’s supposed to drink?”

“Hey, all I know is that she hasn’t been in to work. How am I supposed to know what you agents do in your spare time?” Felix’s words are innocuous enough, but coupled with his intense, unwavering gaze, Leon reads more into the words. Reading between the lines, Felix seems to be saying ‘She may have time off, but that doesn’t mean she wasn’t working’.

Leon nods a few times to himself, before meeting Felix’s gaze again, “Thank you Felix. For your help.” Felix smiles and nods in return, a conspiratorial glint in his eyes.

“Anytime Leon. Give [Yn] a hug for me.” He says with a hard look, before turning back to the phone, answering in his usual cheerful voice.

“I will.” Leon waves and leaves. No, Felix certainly is no fool. He knew something was up, even with the lies he’s been given by both Leon and [Yn], and maybe even this Agent Lang. He’s pieced together something, he knows [Yn] is in some kind of trouble, and he’s counting on Leon to find her. He’s not the only.

And now, Leon has a lead.

Ch. 1

[migleefulmoments]

"for those of you are are drinking the Kool Aide, you all believe that he shares his entire private life, because we see him all the time and constantly out and about." I can't get over how black and white she sees everything. Darren has to share every part of his life or share nothing. It's just not how things work for any celeb or even people we know irl. I don't know every single detail of my own friends lives and I don't need to, people are entitled to share/not share as much as they want.

Isn’t it incredible? She really has a very literal interprotation of words- several times a week I am still shocked by one of her revelations. That entire ask was pretty interesting.   

Anonymous asked:

It perplexes me that stans try and say we read too much in to D's friendships with people like AC, HS, etc and that they're only his PR friends when they do the same thing with the SKs and others. Just because D says RR and the SKs are his besties on social media doesn't make it true in the same way us believing in a friendship based on social media doesn't make that true. Funny how they use the same tactics as we do to prove their side but we're chastised for it!

Nonnie, the stans are desperate right now. 

I love how she always claims were are shaking in our shoes because we know she’s right-it’s so childish. I think that was the argument strategy I used with my younger sister when I was in middle school. Abby projects her own anguish by claiming “they are desperate”. Except I'm have never said #Iamveryupset over something in Darren’s life, I don’t hate 2019, and I don’t come up with derogatory names to bully his friends and disparage his wedding and the show he created. 

One of them spent hours researching each person we posted about to tell us where said individual was on the day of the horror film  Hours, her post is laughable, because she needs to feel better about the fact that she too knows that the guest list was off. 

It’s hilarious that she believes I spent hours searching for where each person was on February 16. First of all, I mentioned that my fairy godmother sent me those links and second of all, they were from Instagram so not hard to find. 

Not to mention she completely discounted that D&M were ecaged for over one year, 

Then she lays on some classic Abby logic- they were engaged for a year so their “friends” (as defined by Abby) should have known to get the day off. Of course they should have because that is what she did for her friends’ wedding. I’m sure that those who wanted to be were there. But some times work gets in the way (Why are we taking about this 7 months later?).

and most people who wanted to be there would have been there, not one of the excuses she names to me was something that had to happen.

Wow...the people who paid to see the live performances and the costars and crew who worked those show would disagree. Alan, Lena, and Laura all had live shows that weekend soooooo not exactly the same as Abby getting a coworker to cover her at a conference while she was in a wedding last weekend. But more importantly, isn’t this an argument in my favor? I agree, everyone who wanted to be there would have been hence those people You believe are his real friends- that I'm arguing are coworkers- weren’t there (X) (X) (Xk)

I have gotten countless anons saying D is “private” and we don’t know who he hangs out with.  Not true, if you believe in the marriage, he is not private”

 FACT: Each and every time I debunk a cc trope, I methodically lay out the proof and provide evidence showing why and how ccers are wrong. I include links, dates, photos and quotes- all which can be double checked for accuracy.  There is nothing fun about making up facts- it’s only fun if I can prove I’m right. Here you are “taking me down” with some sweet cc proof (X) Take note- they are all gifs. 

I get it, you believe Darren’s closest friends are his former coworkers because those are the people you’ve seen with him in so many photos on social media. Those are the people he said such nice things about while promoting the project but of course, that is what you do when you are drumming up publicly for a show. While I have no doubt he likes those people and they are friendly acquaintances- friends even- they aren’t his closest friends. If the only time he is with those people are when they are working or promoting a project-that is a pretty good hint that they are not his ride-or-die friends.  You have to look for consistency-are they hanging out while working on a project or have thy been friend for 16 years?  The people he has literally called “one of my best friends” are also the people he travels with (Vegas, Palm Springs, overseas, Ann Arbor, NY), they attended each other’s weddings and performed at each other’s ceremonies. They are the people he takes to shows in and around LA. see various music and theater shows in and around LA, Do they mention Mia on social media? All of Darren’s close friends have a friendship with MIa. 

If you really want to have a clue about what is going on in Darren’s private life, you have to look a little deeper. You have to listen to what he says in his interviews-even if there isn’t a gif-worthy moment to manipulate. You ignore the audio and print interviews- even those where he divulged a lot -because they can’t be altered- there is no video to crop, slow-down, and make into an emotional gif. 

Another telltale sign -does he talk about the friends in relation to his future? He calls writing a show with TheStarKid “the most fun thing to do”. Taking in all of the evidence, it is clear to me that the people at his wedding were the people he considers his closest friends.   He hired Nick Lang and John and Jennifer for Royalties because he likes them.  

Fact, they can’t have their cake and eat it too. If you accept that m/iarren is real, they you must accept that D has lied repeatedly about privacy being precious.  I feel like i went to JLB’s wedding. I felt like i went to MS & BH’s wedding.  And like I was on the great family honeymoon in the Philippines. And both European trips.    I see that he has been with the creepster and his “not gf” repeatedly over the past few months.  And I lived the sham mockery we have so much footage.

(starts beating my head against the wall) “He’s private so we don’t know who he hangs out with” except we can see with our own two eyes who he is with. Do you imagine that he stays home so he can hang with Edgar, Jane, Alan and Elvis privately? Oh wait, I know they  all have invisibility cloaks. For the 9000th time, “being private” means he doesn’t share his intimate life secrets. All celebs have to give up some level of privacy. Darren keeps mentioning it to explain why he doesn’t post on social media more- it’s something he thinks? worries? about a lot. He isn’t telling us he’s private because he thinks it’s our responsibly to worry about it. 

He is actually private-compare him to Kylie Jenner or Gigi Gorgeous who share everything. He does however leave his house and we can sometimes see who he’s with. The only person in your list of “friends” that we know he spent appreciate time with when they weren’t working together is Ricky Martin. He has spent personal- non-working time- with StarKids, Ricky, Ben, and Ashley . 

(still beating head against the wall) You didn’t “almost go to” any of thoseweddings. You saw a few short videos and some photos because you stalked all of the people who were invited to those weddings. Darren had NO control over any wedding outside of his own and he clearly wasn’t worried about his privacy at his friend’s weddings and that isn’t something for you to worry about. Darren is an adult and he is making choices in his life.  You let him handle his own life- you will be way less anxious.  

 If they insist the people we see are real friendships like SK, they can’t then go the opposite way and say he is hiding his very private friendship with JC, AL, BF, and PA.  It doesn’t work that way.  If you accept what they repeatedly show us, weekly, often daily, then you accept D is an attention whore. Plain and simple.

(hitting my head against the wall EVEN HARDER) I can absolutely accept that Darren feels like privacy is precious AND also feels very comfortable that what he shares about his life AND is happy about his life choses.  I do not believe that he is hiding his relationship with Jennifer, Ben kor Pamela, and whomever else your initials represent (my brain hurts from all the hitting). Darren’s personal life is private and there is no doubt he has relationships with people we don’t see- they might also be Mia’s friends. Or he knew he was hiring Jennifer for the show and invited her. There are lots of solutions to the equation-it isn’t my job or yours to solve it. Your need for everything to be “all” or “nothing” is what is tripping you up here. It absolute can go both ways.  He sees Ricky, Ashley, StarKids and Ben more often because they are friends who and out, they have a lot in common and enjoy seeing time together because they are at the same stage of life. Pamela and Jennifer can be special to Darren even if they aren’t people he spends a lot of time in public with. People can be very special even if we see them very rarely. Relationships aren’t predicated on spending time together. But the fact is WE DO SEE his friendship with StarKids, Ricky, Ashley and Ben and we know they are good friends because he’s told us so. We have verbal confirmation and we have seen physical evidence.  With Jennifer, Ben and Pamela, we have not seen evidence of a friendship besides the wedding but they were at the wedding and it isn’t our responsibly to figure out who each person is friends with  and how special that friend is. The message is that that person meant enough that they invited them to the wedding.  As for you list of “friends” Alan, Elvis, Jane, Ricky, Edgar etc, we saw a ton of interaction while they were promoting their projects but then it stopped. They also weren’t at the wedding which leads me to believe that they are friends but they aren’t al that close that they would fly to NOLA for a wedding.   

It is Darren’s responsibility to decided how much he wants to share and to know whether he is sharing too much with his fans. It Is NOT my responsibility -as a fan- to make sure he is comfortable or to determine what he means by   “private”.

I don’t agree with you that “If Miarren is real then we must accept that Darren is lying repeatedly about the privacy thing”. What I will agree with is that you constantly misconstrue what he means the says he is private. I also believe that as a general rule, those of us who grew up before social media have a much more restricted definition of “private” than those who were younger when it became popular. So what you think is “private”, younger people  willingly share. 

What I don’t understand is that you claim over and over that everything out of Darren’s mouth is a lie. You claim he isn’t straight, he is with Chris or married to Chris, he is not married to Mia, his wedding was a sham, and that he doesn’t own or even like TSGs, that he doesn’t live with Mia in the home he show off as his home, and that he lies during interviews because he team forces him to interviews 

Sp the question is what lie are you willing to accept?  Because either D is lying about his sexuality or he is lying about his desire to keep his private life private and off of SM.  

 My question to you is “what lies are you willing to accept?”   

[a-lbeit]

2019: a year in review

a doozy

rang in the new year at jellyrolls in orlando with a complimentary champagne toast, hats and noisemakers, and a round of “auld lang syne,” just as you’re supposed to, ending the night at steak n shake with some of the best people i’ve known. it was a traditional new years, and i couldn’t be more grateful.

watched most of my roommates go back to where they came from--australia, ohio, brazil, hawaii. it was a sad few days when i was alone in the apartment before moving to a new place, continuing on with the college program.

had a visit from my parents and aunt. it was nostalgic, in a way, and i’m so glad they were able to visit me. my aunt has already visited me out here in california, and i hope my parents can make the trip out at some point.

found out that i had been accepted to participate in the college program in disneyland. i remember opening that email at the bus stop after a morning shift at the hotel. it was unthinkable, the idea that california was on my horizon. i hadn’t been that excited about something in a long, long time. in the coming days, i remember researching driving across the country in an old and unreliable car.

finally took the free tour of the wilderness lodge. it certainly held my interest, but i took the information with a grain of salt. it’s still disney, after all.

started hanging out with katie, nicole, and estevan, the first group of people i didn’t live with that i felt close to since high school. going to the parks with them was so pure, the way i picture young people’s experiences at disney world should be like. we went to the butterfly garden at epcot, got food at the flower and garden festival, and watched happily ever after countless times. i’m not often one for that type of shit, usually, but with them, it was incredible. 

drove back to charleston on st patrick’s day to see mumford and sons with callie. that was one of the groups i’d always wanted to see, and callie is one of the best people to see a concert with. i’ve said it before, but marcus mumford is one of my favorite celebrity-type people. he seems genuine and personable.

drove back a couple days later and went to bob ross’s grave with katie

the next day, finally bit the bullet and bought a ticket to universal. katie and i had so much fun that day. it was strange being back there and seeing all the changes since i had last been on my senior trip in high school. seeing everything, especially on the universal side, that i had missed or never had time for, was far out.

had a visit from lisa and toby somewhere in there and also from my cousin

went to blizzard beach with katie and nicole

went to clearwater beach with katie, nicole, and estevan. i found $20 in the sand, we took nice photos, and blasted music in the car.

had some late night walmart and target visits with them, where nicole and i started our “hello/hi” snapchat epics. i miss those.

nicole spent a few nights at the hospital, so we visited her. we had fun, even though i know she was scared. 

went to magic kingdom on 4/20 lmfao 

went to jellyrolls one last time

was given a cupcake for my second to last day at port orleans (and for my last, as well). one of the managers was quite kind and i do appreciate her.

went to universal one last time. cracked my phone that morning lmfao. still had a great day, though. 

the last evening before moving out, katie, estevan, and i went to magic kingdom. daniel took some photos for us in front of the castle, we said goodbye to estevan, watched happily ever after, and for our last ride, attempted to go on thunder mountain. we were evacuated. what a way to end it.

despite these memories, the first part of 2019 is kind of a blur. i remember being infuriated with my workplace environment--the lack of hours, the shitty treatment of employees, particularly by one of the managers. i do not miss him and i do not miss that place. i am only thankful to have met katie, nicole, and estevan through it. port orleans riverside, and disney world in general (not disneyland, on which i will speak later) is the absolute most awful place i have ever worked. i cried in my car in the rain starting my 6 hour drive back to charleston on may 2nd to have to leave my friends, but i was overjoyed to be leaving orlando.

returned to charleston, no money in my bank account, worried about the plausibility of getting a job just for a few months before leaving for california.

saw shakey graves with callie and some others. it wasn’t the best shakey graves show i’d seen, but it was nice nonetheless.

went to folly beach for the sunrise with melissa. it was beautiful and empty, and i was even wearing a jacket in charleston in may. 

also went to the grand reopening of one of the local mcdonalds with melissa LMFAO

got a job at east bay deli and also back at the college bookstore. thank god for them.

spent the next 8-ish weeks mostly just working close to every day. i might have had 3 or 4 days off in that time. but i wouldn’t have had it any other way. i actually looked forward to the 2 days a week i got to work at the bookstore--i loved my supervisors and coworkers so much. and the deli was chill and i enjoyed my coworkers there, too. i miss them, to be honest. both of those jobs. i didn’t make much money, but it was something to enable me to get a start in california and to enjoy a couple of summer trips. 

in mid-july, rented a car and drove up to the smokies, one of new favorite summer traditions (although i’m not sure if i’ll be able to continue it this year). on the way there, i even got a new phone, making the trip even better, since i now had a battery life that lasted, gps that actually worked, and a nicer phone camera. i did some really great hikes, ones that i’d had on the back burner for a couple years. i even did 2 hikes in one day that added up to about 15 miles. that’s not really that much, but i was proud of myself. i also found myself once again at looking glass falls, feeling that this is what summer should look like. i miss that place, where everything seems simple, even though it’s not.

returned, worked for a few more days at the bookstore (with my birthday in between, a lovely day spent in edisto with my parents), and flew up to the new york area for a couple days. man, what a trip. 

after arriving at jfk, i took the airtrain into manhattan and headed uptown to finally visit the general grant mausoleum, something i had wanted to do the last couple times i had been to new york but had never had the chance to. it was beautiful to look at and fascinating to learn about. i love that the nps has so many different kinds of sites. then, i went to columbia’s wallach art gallery because i had the time to. bob dylan’s “mozambique” was part of one of the pieces. 

finally took the train down to lauren’s. it was so incredible to spend the night at her apartment and then to come back to the city with her the next day. we went to the color factory, walked around soho, got food in chinatown, and went to a drag performance, after which we met up with kai and got a late dinner in harlem. 

the next day, we walked around to a few color factory spots and parted ways at penn station. i continued on to my next airbnb in queens and went to primark to end the evening. 

went back to flushing meadows corona park, reminiscing about the paul simon concert i’d seen less than a year before and how strange it was to be back on the same soil. i explored the park in more depth. it’s such an overlooked place full of early 60s futurism. i went to paul simon’s childhood home, which is up for sale now, and got a snack at the lemon ice king of corona. on i ventured to the jamaica bay wildlife refuge, another nps site checked off my list (not that any nps site is a place to “check off.” i want to see them all because the diversity is so unique). 

that evening, i met up with ciaran. it was so cool to be able to see him for the first time since berlin. besides zuri and the people i went to school with, he’s the only person i’ve seen since that semester. i loved talking about berlin and what we’ve been up to since then.

my last day, i wandered around prospect park (at the recommendation of ciaran), went to federal hall, and finally to governor’s island where i got soaked in a rainstorm but it was all right. i ended the night with pierogi and thoughts of the coming week.

flew back and packed for the start of a different life

once again flew out of charleston for what i thought would be the last time for a while. i arrived in chicago for a nice few days before chugging out of union station.

trying to get to my airbnb on the l was an experience. lollapalooza was going on, and i arrived at my transfer station just as everyone was leaving for the night. it was packed and i ended up going in the opposite direction i needed just so that i could get on the train in the right direction before everyone else piled on. it was funny, though, even in the moment. 

it was my first time in chicago, so i started my first day at millennium park, which was honestly really cool, despite the crowds. from there, i went to the art institute, where i could have spent all my time if i had the chance. i remembered scenes from ferris bueller. 

travelled down to the university of chicago, where i toured the robie house. i think that was the first frank lloyd wright house that i’ve seen. maybe someday i’ll get to fallingwater and the like. 

more south, there’s a place called the stony island arts bank. they had on display an artist’s work who had painted a photo from each day of obama’s presidency. there were thousands of them. i loved it so much. 

my second and last day, i walked along lake michigan, visited a mexican art museum, and went to the zoo, ending the night at the navy pier gazing at the city lights. this trip was a tourist’s one, but i wouldn’t have had it any other way.

dragged my shit to union station the next morning, ready to depart on an over-two-day long train trip to the west. 

to begin with, the train left probably 2 hours late. it was all right, though. when we finally started moving, i felt it--the wheels against the track, sure, but more so the wind in mountains thousands of miles away that i would soon see. 

sunset in illinois and sunrise in nebraska, a concept

i had both seats to myself from somewhere in illinois until salt lake city. what a time to be alive.

sure, the stretch between denver and colfax might be the beautiful part, but all those plains of nebraska and eastern colorado did a number on me. 

in denver, we had about a 35 minute refuel break, so i left the train and union station and walked to a 7 eleven a few blocks away. how strange it was to be in a city i’d always heard of, but just for a few minutes. when i got back on, a man had boarded and sat in front of me that sure was a loud talker. i was thankful to be behind him rather than next to him. 

we left denver, only to be held up about a half hour later by a freight train stuck in a tunnel. the man started freaking me and the other passengers out a little--he was muttering and sort of rocking back and forth, clearly uncomfortable with the delay we were faced with. i moved to the observation car for the first time to get away from him, and boy, am i glad i did. i spent a good amount of time there for the remainder of my journey. when we were still stuck behind that freight train, the conductor came in and played someone’s guitar, leading us all in a singalong. it was pure and i’m glad i was a part of it.

after we finally got moving again, we started to see the scenery we had signed up for. apart from badlands and the black hills last year, i’d never seen the west at all. this was terrain on the level of ansel adams’s iconography. thank god for that part of the country.

to see and do this on a train made it so much more meaningful. to realize you’re looking at the path that people’s ancestors blazed through all those years ago is something else. 

a lot of utah was passed through at night, unfortunately, but from salt lake city on, we could see the alien landscapes of the state. i still can’t fully fathom its character, but i have at least a bit of an idea now. wow. 

at one point, i think in nevada, we were delayed again by a passenger needing an ambulance. i can’t even imagine what it must have been like for them. i hope everything ended up working out fine for them.

leaving out of reno and crossing the state line into california was anticlimactic but incredible. i was really in california. 

everyone ended up getting a free meal because the train was so late. at that point, it was over 6 hours behind schedule. that beef stew, mashed potatoes, and bread sure hit different when i hadn’t had substantial food since denver.

the train emptied out as time went on, and after the last sunset somewhere in the middle of california, it was just me and a few others in the observation car. trev and i had been talking for months about meeting up once i got to california, and he ended up calling me to ask if he could come to my airbnb the night i arrived in anaheim in a few days. i said yes. it remained in the back of my mind. 

we rolled in to emeryville 5 minutes before midnight, 7 hours and 45 minutes late. it was cold and i was unsure of the reliability of my airbnb host, but i wouldn’t trade it for anything. i ended up taking a lyft to the airbnb because i just couldn’t deal with waiting for or even learning the bus. my airbnb host was probably the worst i’ve ever had, and i only was able to get into the apartment complex because another resident came back and let me in, but it doesn’t matter.

i worried about transportation costs in san francisco, but i bit the bullet (as gently as i could). it’s fucking san francisco in the summertime. what else can you do?

i started everything off with a visit to the hyde street pier after taking the bus into the city from berkeley. i saw a sea lion or seal or whatever and got my first view of the golden gate. it was like nothing else. 

had in n out, since i guess it’s blasphemous not to

walked to the palace of the arts and then went to the bridge. i didn’t cross it or anything, but i walked down to the beach and admired the bay. how do places like that exist? 

climbed back up to the level of civilization and rushed over to the embarcadero to meet up with brandon. i feel so grateful that i was able to meet up with him. we walked around chinatown, had dinner, and ended the night at burger king in union square.

the next morning, i made my way to golden gate park, where outside lands was to be held later that day. i saw the windmill, the bison enclosure, strawberry hill, the aids memorial grove--a message on one of the stones said the names of two men who had “met the day humans walked on the moon”--and hippie hill. that park is full.

i thought about trev on my long walks, how i’d probably be seeing him in a little over 24 hours 

ventured into the haight-ashbury district, where i wandered around amoeba a little bit and saw the music history which has become such a piece of consumerism nowadays. i guess it always was, though.

saw a beautiful church in mission delores and looked around an alley of street art; then went up to the richy rich part of town (although i guess that’s the entirety of sf, isn’t it?) to see the painted ladies and look at everything the beat museum had to offer. that place was so fascinating.

went back to my airbnb briefly before taking the bart down to oakland to see paul simon in his pop-up show at the fox theater that he’d announced about a week beforehand. i was lucky enough to score a ticket, and even though his setlist was mostly the same from when i’d seen him twice the year before, there’s something about him that just makes me wide-eyed. 

the next day, flew out of sf and into orange county, my new home. flying down to southern california was a feeling of hope and freshness. i don’t feel it as much anymore, but it sure did make my heart jump at the time. i still couldn’t believe i was in california, seeing the pacific outside my airplane window, and that just 4 or 5 days before, i had experienced so much less in my life.

that evening, trev came over. it was certainly a day of firsts. i remember that night so well, how he kissed me good night at the end. i still like him as a friend and i’ll probably hook up with him again, but blech. cringe. i’ve changed, i think.

the next day, i moved into a new apartment to start the disney college program once again. meeting my 4 roommates, who knew what kind of shit was to happen over the next few months? i was so guarded that day, as i always am with meeting people, but especially with the self-hatred of continuing to work for disney.

in the next few days before the orientation where we get our disney IDs and entrance pass to the parks, i got settled and explored the area a little bit. i walked onto disney property, seeing the disneyland sign for the first time. it was otherworldly. i had thought about this for so many years, not just california, but disneyland specifically. it was the original, the first. seeing downtown disney, the hotels, and a few views of the parks was insane. 

the day of the orientation was like a door opening. we went on a small tour of the park. it was just me and one other guy in our group who had never been to disneyland, so we got to go out into it first. i will always remember that first second. i also learned that i would be working at autopia lmfao and i was NAWT happy. look at me now. i am so goddamn indebted to that place.

that evening, my roommates and i went into the park as guests, and i rode peter pan as my first ride. i was happy. 

went to la for the first time the next day. seeing the hollywood sign in the distance doesn’t faze me quite so much now, but that first time, wow. it’s beautiful when everything is new to you. 

went to the parks a few more times in the midst of training at auto. i met and befriended abby, greg, and alex. my second day of auto training was blake and jacob’s first. i remember meeting them and shaking their hands and discussing how we had all done a program in florida.

went to joshua tree one night with zuri, where we stargazed and saw all kinds of flora and fauna. it was beautiful, and i loved being the one to drive back at 4 in the morning through the blackened californian scenery.

the day i got signed off, i went back to la to spend the night at trev’s LMFAO, with the next morning spent at venice and santa monica. i remember feeling so grateful for my life, for california, for getting laid, for disneyland.

a few nights later, a big group of us all went out. i got drunk for the first time. i met britt then, and i got closer to blake and everyone.

in the next few weeks, i went to an angels game with abby and her roommates, went bowling with coworkers, and had a tipsy la day with abby.

then came september 11th. we were all going to go out again. after work, i went to walmart to buy vodka and strawberry lemonade. i made a detour to mcdonald’s because i wanted to eat something before getting lit. and i broke my ankle. never got to go out that night. the defining point of these past 6 months.

i sat on the ground after falling for about 20 minutes, maybe, waiting and hoping for the pain to subside. it didn’t. before the swelling started, i noticed that when i moved my left ankle, it didn’t look the same as my right one. i admitted defeat and called my roommate to drive me to the er. thank god for her. 

we sat in the er waiting room for a couple hours. my ankle hurt, but i don’t really remember it being too bad anymore. they finally saw me. i got an x-ray. the technician said it was broken. i started crying. the nurse splinted me up and gave me crutches. the doctor wrote me a recommendation for an orthopedic specialist. i fell again trying to use the crutches on the way out. they re-x-rayed me. re-splinted me. sent me home.

i somehow took a shower the next morning. blake messaged me, asking how i was. he brought me coffee and pastries. i will never forget it. 

i couldn’t get an appointment until almost a week later, but in the meantime, my roommates and i held a couple game and movie nights. abby and jacob came by, blake always made an appearance, and i met tucker.

i would start a lot of days by listening to the sigh no more album and contemplating my future. it was a low time, but not the lowest it would get.

britt and i talked a lot, comparing our experiences. i asked her a lot about medical leave. we grew closer because of it all.

when the appointment finally rolled around, i was told that i would most likely need surgery. he re-splinted it and sent me on my way, as it was still too swollen to do anything. i cried in blake’s car. 

i called my parents and they said i should come home. i was devastated, but they were right. i was going to do absolutely EVERYTHING in my power to be able to continue with my college program, though. this shit would not end me. (and it didn’t. but i didn’t know it at the time.)

a flight was booked for me to fly back to charleston on september 21st. the night before, we had a final game night with everyone. blake gave me a letter, saying not to read it until i got on the plane. hugs goodbye were tight and i felt my chest close. it was melancholic in a way i’d never felt before. 

i sat in the airport the next day trying not to cry. i was able to hold it in. then i was in the air and i finally let myself read the letter. tears escaped often throughout that entire day. i tried to be as discreet as i could. 

i reunited with my parents much sooner than i thought i would. it had only been just over a month, after all. i had an appointment that tuesday and we set up surgery for thursday. 

i was in charleston for 6 weeks exactly, one of the longest stretches of time in my life. i was constantly forlorn about california and worried about my finances and my participation in the program. the lowest point hit when one of the program people said i should consider cutting my losses and quitting, that they’d only make me pay rent through the middle of november because of my circumstances. i got a medical bill from the er in anaheim that was exponential because my insurance hadn’t gone through yet (but i didn’t realize that part). the only thing that kept me all right was the thought of my friends in california and the hope of a grandiose future, although i wasn’t too sure about that possibility. i wrote blake a letter and he wrote me back. i read east of eden and some other books. britt and i texted. rozi and i became incredibly close. i hung out with my parents and we watched queer eye. i recovered. i became better. my blind resilience (or perhaps stubbornness) was the main reasoning behind my (stupidly naïve) unwavering assuredness of a return to california. 

LMFAO at the fact that i almost forgot about this, but i texted tucker a lot during that stretch, as well. he asked me out, and we grew closer during my stint in charleston. i looked forward to hanging out with him when i got back.

and the day of my return did come. november 2nd, the most beautifully pure day of my program. i flew back with grace in my heart and stars in my eyes, even though i was still on crutches. i had a window seat and clear skies to admire the southwest, another part of the country i had never had the chance to lay eyes on. and i landed at john wayne airport to texts about my return. britt picked me up and everything seemed positive and optimistic. 

reuniting with blake was something in itself. it was brief, but it had been such a long time coming that i almost cried again. he called me a kindred spirit one time, and that is such a perfect description of what he is to me, as well. 

finally met up with tucker. we went to in n out and came back to my apartment, where we talked for a while and made out for a while. 

had an appointment less than a week later, where i was told that i could start putting weight on my ankle again. within another week, i was down to one crutch. it was freeing in a way i’d never known. by now, it was the middle of november, and i still wasn’t certain when i’d return to work, but it didn’t matter anymore. i was here, in california, surrounded by people i’d grown unfathomably close to in such a short time. 

went to the ellen show somewhere in there and had sex with tucker LMFAO. we spent a lot of time together in about three weeks (he ended up quitting the program and moving back to georgia, so our time was quite short). i had a good time, although i now realize how blinded i was by his laziness and selfishness. i don’t miss him, but i don’t regret it. 

had a photoshoot with my boot and my crutch. it was nice to be able to have fun again. 

finally returned to the parks, which was something of a homecoming, but not as much as when my aunt visited a few days later and i rode autopia for the first time since everything happened.

tucker moved out, and i cried. i roll my eyes now. i wrote him a letter and he never acknowledged it, and never texted anyone back that wished him well. fuck him.

on november 25th, the program gave us a thanksgiving dinner. after that, rozi, blake, britt, and i all wanted to do something, so blake found this place called the juke joint less than a mile away. it was the start of our close group. we would go and play pool and have a drink or two. by that point, i was down to no crutch, as well.

one night, we all went to abby’s. i got a little drunk and talked about socialism and the national park service for like half an hour.

went to medieval times lmao

it kind of became a thing for us to drag blake out of his apartment to go to juke joint. those were the days.

got cleared to go back to work on december 4th, but didn’t go back until the 13th. in that time, i chilled, tried not to spend money, and slept over at trev’s again after a fun karaoke session with zuri and her coworkers. we went to amoeba and guitar center, and i went to a book talk at the morrison hotel gallery.

one juke joint night, rozi, blake, britt, and i ended up staying out all night, driving to the top of the world in laguna to see sunrise. it started with rozi needing toilet paper, so we went to target after leaving juke joint. then we didn’t want it to end. we got tacos and donuts and we sat in a park for a while talking about life. rozi wanted to go to a view. we found the top of the world. and we drove there. there was fog and gas station snacks. i am thankful for that night and for rozi initiating it all.

went to the dcp end of program celebration and got drunk at abby’s apartment afterwards. i had a lot of fun that night. i met matheus there. 

finally went back to work on december 13th. that morning, all the program participants had an opportunity to take a photo in front of the castle, and jacob, abby, and i all posed together. at work, i felt a real sense of joy. my ankle and feet hurt by the end of the day, but the knowledge of forthcoming paychecks and a renewed sense of purpose overpowered any pain.

went to the newport boat parade

another night, rozi, blake, and i again stayed out all night after juke joint. we went back to the same park, and after a while, we said “let’s go to la.” i drove there in blake’s car, and we tried to go to griffith, but it was closed. so we went up to the start of a hollywood sign hike and looked down at the city’s lights. the juxtaposition of the natural and the man-made is really captivating. then we went to hollywood boulevard and had fries at a 24 hour burger place in the roosevelt hotel at 4 in the morning. it was beautiful. on the way back, rozi slept in the back and blake and i talked about politics and the park service, about trump’s impeachment. i called out of work and slept all day, that evening going to jacob’s housewarming party. after we left, the four of us went back to blake’s (i, at least, was crossfaded at that point lmfao) and all laid on his twin bed. 

on christmas eve, rozi, blake, and i went to california adventure and had food from the festival of the holidays. it was an incredible evening. it felt pure. 

i worked on christmas morning again, but i enjoyed myself. blake and i would fuck around, and it really made everything all right.

went out with some coworkers a few days later. we laughed and got low. 

worked a hell of a lot, trying to make up for the three months i had been out of a job

new years eve almost was anticlimactic--almost. blake, abby, and i all worked and came home together, making a stop at vons for champagne, pizza, and chips and salsa. then, i found out rozi wasn’t going to be around because she was going to spend the evening with her family. i was disheartened. new years is the only holiday i really care about, and it was about to be the start of the roaring 20s. i wanted to do something big. but it ended up being all right. i went to abby’s apartment and hung out with her roommates. blake came a bit later. we all drank together until abby and bailey decided to go to california adventure, while the rest of us decided to stay. at midnight, it ended up just being me, blake, mackenzie, and lauren, which was all right. i was drunk by that point and i don’t really remember the ball dropping, but i know it was a nice way to roll in the new year. britt came through eventually, and we went back to blake’s, but he wanted to take a smoke, so we all went outside, me in his blanket. as he smoked his cigar (of which i took a few drags, unfortunately), britt went up to this party that was happening across the way and somehow got us all in. we put his blanket back and went into the party, which is fuzzy to me. i remember eating doritos and drinking jameson lmfao. i saw rod and matty at one point. i kissed them. i don’t remember coming home, but i got to work at 8:45 the next day on time. i was still drunk, but i sure did have fun that new years morning. i laughed and joked with blake and abby. it was their last day. i almost cried when blake came up to me as he was leaving.

saw a lot of movies thanks to my cousin working at amc and giving me a card that lets me see any movie any time for free

drove a little, even in california

spent way too much money on food

thought a lot about the differences between working conditions at disney world and disneyland. i’m thankful to be in california now, where the laws give more power to employees, where i’m part of a union, where the weather is good and the people are better

counted my endless blessings. i have never been more grateful of my life.

analyzed my broken ankle. it could not have come at a better time, in all honesty. i had already met incredible people on this program and had gotten to know them a little bit, so i didn’t feel like i was on the outskirts of the program, even when i was back in south carolina. it made me grow closer to everyone somehow, and i am thankful and appreciative beyond belief for that. rozi and i probably wouldn’t be as close as we are now without it. britt and i wouldn’t have bonded over our injuries. blake and i, oh man. we would have never written each other, i probably wouldn’t have read east of eden, and we might never have formed the juke joint squad. i remember writing about how hard it was, dealing with my broken ankle, with the lack of mobility, with the impending medical bills, but that i still thought that in the future, i would think the whole thing was soft. i think that even now, just a month or so later. even with the debt, with the worry of my mobility, i am so content with how my life has developed just over these past 4 months.

laughed and cried 

missed school

listened to music in a new light, but maybe not as much as i used to

became incredibly busy, but would not have traded it for anything

looked into the aspire program with the realization that i would probably be starting the road to my master’s quite soon 

became less conflicted about working for disney. i still hate myself sometimes, but it’s a different vibe out here. it seems more genuine than in florida. 

completely embraced a life in california. i don’t really think this is where i’ll end up (although who really ever knows?), but i am so genuinely happy to be in this place for a bit--and i don’t think i’ve ever unabashedly or truly thought that about a residence before

loved the national park service, as i always do, and loved discussing it with blake

songs of the year: “timshel,” mumford and sons; “this life,” vampire weekend, “the cool, cool river,” paul simon; “count your blessings,” bing crosby. “timshel” made me think about my somehow unfaltering strength and independence, about how i have to be the source of affirmation in my own life. “this life” encapsulated the beauty of a never-ending summer. “the cool, cool river” let me remember to show weakness sometimes. and “count your blessings” is always in the back of my mind.

album of the year: norman fucking rockwell, lana del rey. that entire album was such a soundtrack for me when i was dreaming of nothing but california, of my friends, of walking. 

man, 2019. the end of a decade. the change i had been waiting for. i am a completely different person than i was even 6 months ago. the events of this year affected me unlike anything in the past. i said last year that 2018 was the most eventful year of my life, but this year was something else. and i am so unendingly grateful for the trials, tribulations, and victories that it threw at me. romance, friendship, sex, drinks, travel, financial worry, pain, and overall, an enduring lust for life have carried me through this year into a new decade, and i wouldn’t have it any other way.

the first part of 2019 was completely different than the second half, and it is wild to think about it in those terms. i’m not too sure why california changed me the way it did, but man, the people i’ve come in contact with over the past 5 months have had such an impact on my life. the relationships i formed were the newest but also somehow some of the closest ones i’ve ever had. and it’s strange to think about them, but they completely envelop my outlook on this entire year. 

i’ve been so caught up in my own life that i haven’t even touched on global events. you only have to remember a couple things to become overwhelmed by the horrors of the planet. climate change, hate crimes, poverty, war. it all blends together, honestly. i think about how the world is shitty and i just kind of close myself off from it. but there is always the occasional beautiful moment that you easily pluck from the depths of your brain to renew your hope. because even though it can constantly seem like you have lost all your hope, it is never actually gone. i think it’s impossible for hope to leave your being. that sense of longing and anticipation for an untouched tomorrow always gets me through the night. 

and sometimes, you don’t even need hope. when you’ve got this incredible entanglement of all the people you love so much surrounding you, you can just picture their faces and remember the good times you’ve had so far with them and rest assured that life just might have mercy on you, on your weary but persistent and trailblazing soul.

“maybe it’s true that we are all descended from the restless, the nervous, the criminals, the arguers and brawlers, but also the brave and independent and generous. if our ancestors had not been that, they would have stayed in their home plots in the other world and starved over the squeezed-out soil.”

[punk-rock-pixie]

1-100

I need to be careful what I ask for lmao

Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora?

Spotify

is your room messy or clean?

It’s messy rn just cuz I was looking for something

what color are your eyes?

Hazel

do you like your name? why?

Yeah. Picked it myself.

what is your relationship status?

single

describe your personality in 3 words or less

Really McFuckin Gay

what color hair do you have?

Black and blue

what kind of car do you drive? color?

Grey chevy cruz

where do you shop?

I’m a slut for Barns and Noble lately. Dropped $60 on classic ghost stories, Norse Mythology, and a Deathly Hallows journal. I’ve dropped over $100 literally in the last two months on books. I don’t work anymore though so that won’t be a thing anymore

how would you describe your style?

Sad college kid chic 

favorite social media account

Youtube

what size bed do you have?

Queen

any siblings?

One older sister.

if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why?

The Nordic region. They’ve been doing so much right in terms of education and gender equality. 

favorite snapchat filter?

The anime one

favorite makeup brand(s)

NYX, E.L.F. and Bare Essentials

how many times a week do you shower?

I shower every other day, but I wash my hair like every 3-4 days to keep the color in.

favorite tv show?

Currently, really love trollhunters. 

shoe size?

Like a 7 in mens or something

how tall are you?

5′6.5″ The half is so important to me because I’ve hardly grown since 2012 

sandals or sneakers?

Trick question- no shoes at all. Our feet get hurt like men.

do you go to the gym?

Rarely, but yes.

describe your dream date

Dear god. Almost any date I’d be okay with. Coffee? Sign me the fuck up. Hang around a park/go on a walk? Lemme get my heckin sneakers. Cryptid hunting in the wee hours of the night? You just won my heckin heart buddy.  

how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment?

Like $30-$40 I think????

what color socks are you wearing?

None sock

how many pillows do you sleep with?

Too many for my own good.

do you have a job? what do you do?

Not anymore :)))) There weren’t enough hours.

how many friends do you have?

How many friends? Many. How many close ones? Like 3-4

whats the worst thing you have ever done?

Something I’d rather not say.

whats your favorite candle scent?

Lavender always but peppercorn and pumpkin are the ones I’ve been using lately.

3 favorite boy names

Marshal

Ethan (NOT BECAUSE OF NESTOR)

Quinn

3 favorite girl names

Rose

Sadona

Rickie 

favorite actor?

Always and forever Chris Evans, but also Hugh Jackman found his way back to my heart recently. The Rock, Ramin Karimloo, Sean Gunn, Michael Rooker

favorite actress?

Zoe Saldana, Zendaya, Melissa McCarthy, Allison Janney, Julie Andrews, Maryl Streep.

who is your celebrity crush?

See above two questions, but mainly Hugh Jackman, Chris Evans, and Zendaya

favorite movie?

If you couldn’t tell, I’m hyperfixating on Greatest Showman, but also Book of Life, Monster in Paris, 1937 Phantom of the Opera

do you read a lot? whats your favorite book?

My favorite book is Dracula currently, but I also love Dodie Clark’s “secrets for the mad”, most of Shakespeare’s plays and Edgar Alan Poe’s works

money or brains?

Brains. 

do you have a nickname? what is it?

I have way to many dude.

how many times have you been to the hospital?

Like 7-8 I think???

top 10 favorite songs

In no order:

-I’m counting all of greatest showman as one

-Cat Stevens: Father and Son

-Raspberries: Go all the way

-Silver: Wham Bam Shang a Lang

-Babeo Baggins: Thunder Bird

-Dodie Clark: You

-Beatles: Wanna Hold Your Hand

-Vanessa Paradis and Sean Lennon: La Seine 

-Dear Evan Hansen: For Forever

-Karen O: Moon Song

do you take any medications daily?

No but I should probably get back on them.

what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc)

Normal to oily

what is your biggest fear?

Abandonment :) Also I have claustrophobia

how many kids do you want?

I mean if we’re talking baby goats, as many as I can afford.

whats your go to hair style?

I kinda just brush my hair back and hope for the best

what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc)

It’s not a mansion, but it’s pretty big

who is your role model?

@thatsthat24

what was the last compliment you received?

From @mild-soapog something about how I deserve a wholesome life and honestly I just love Elle???

what was the last text you sent?

“Hey, how are you feeling?” to a former coworker

how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real?

I grew up Jewish so I never really thought it.

what is your dream car?

I don’t really care tbh. I’m pretty happy with the one I have.

opinion on smoking?

You do you just not around me cuz I will cough like a mad man.

do you go to college?

Soon

what is your dream job?

Professional film or stage actor or singer/guitarist in a band

would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs?

suburbs

do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels?

Nope. I’m a good noodle.

do you have freckles?

Several

do you smile for pictures?

Yes, but only after make a bunch of stupid faces

how many pictures do you have on your phone?

659

have you ever peed in the woods?

Yes and uh 4/5 would not recommend 

do you still watch cartoons?

Yup

do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds?

Neither.

Favorite dipping sauce?

hek dude idk 

what do you wear to bed?

Usually like a tank top and underwear. if it’s super cold I’ll wear sweats too

have you ever won a spelling bee?

Have I ever even competed in one????

what are your hobbies?

Guitar, singing, ukulele, drawing, writing poetry

can you draw?

I’d say so

do you play an instrument?

Check hobbies with the addition of bass guitar

what was the last concert you saw?

I think it was a Beatles tribute band???

tea or coffee?

Both

Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts?

Starbucks

do you want to get married?

Honestly, first let me find someone local that will love me for more than 4 months

what is your crush’s first and last initial?

HJ, EJ, EN. 

are you going to change your last name when you get married?

You mean… IF I get married

what color looks best on you?

Blacks and purples

do you miss anyone right now?

Several people

do you sleep with your door open or closed?

usually closed

do you believe in ghosts?

Yes and no???

what is your biggest pet peeve?

chewing with your mouth open, snoring, pen clicking, leg jiggling (if it’s in my peripheral vision)

last person you called

My crush actually. He and I are friends and I asked if we wanted me to hang with him after school since he had to stay up until I had my callback scheduled

favorite ice cream flavor?

Chocolate chip cookie dough and cookies and cream

regular oreos or golden oreos?

What the shit are golden oreos

chocolate or rainbow sprinkles?

Rainbow cuz I’m queer

what shirt are you wearing?

 A black tank top

what is your phone background?

a greatest showman wallpaper

are you outgoing or shy?

it depends on the situation

do you like it when people play with your hair?

Yes but ONLY IF THEY ASK BEFORE HAND.

do you like your neighbors?

I don’t even know my neighbors

do you wash your face? at night? in the morning?

Both

have you ever been high?

nope

have you ever been 

Nope

last thing you ate?

Like half a pizza

favorite lyrics right now?

Idk my favorite currently, but these are the ones that keep circling my head

“When the world becomes a fantasyAnd you’re more than you could ever be‘Cause you’re dreaming with your eyes wide openAnd you know you can’t go back againTo the world that you were living in'Cause you’re dreaming with your eyes wide open

So Come alive”

summer or winter?

Winter

day or night?

Night

dark, milk, or white chocolate?

All????

favorite month?

October-November

what is your zodiac sign

Scorpio

who was the last person you cried in front of?

Honestly, I have no fuckin clue lmaooooo

[getoutofthisplace]

Dear Gus,

As always, I was humbled by the number of happy birthday wishes I got on Facebook. I’ve made a tradition of sharing with everyone a detailed account of how I spent my birthday. Here’s what I told them about today:

It started around 3am, when I woke up with a piercing headache. I rolled around until I found a position on the pillow that somewhat alleviated the pain, I convinced myself I didn’t have brain cancer, then I fell back asleep until I heard Gus quietly crying in the next room around 5. I walked by the light of my phone screen from our bed to Gus’s room. When I opened the door, he pushed himself up and looked at me from his crib—he’s a stomach sleeper, like me. I closed his louvered closet doors some so the light wouldn’t be blinding, and I reached in to pull the string so I could see well enough to change his diaper. He stopped crying when I leaned over the crib rail and picked him up. Holding him against my chest in the middle of the night is always a reminder that I have the power to calm him with nothing but my presence and love—a power so raw and wonderful that I don’t understand how any parent ever takes it for granted. Gus cried again when I placed him on his changing table, but I quickly put a pacifier in his mouth, which stopped the crying and allowed me to switch his wet diaper out for a dry one. I put him back on my chest and walked him over to the closet, where I again pulled the light string, but I didn’t rush to place him back in his crib. I walked slowly, stepping side to side trying to rock him back to sleep while his trusty owl nightlight on the table emitted a constant stream of white noise. But even after he fell asleep I didn’t want to put him back down because he felt too precious in my arms to abandon for even a moment. But I did put him down, and he complained sleepily, but then fell asleep again.

I used my phone to light the path to the bathroom, where I stepped naked onto that unforgivable bastard of a scale, which read 195.2 pounds, up a little from Sunday morning because I gorged myself on corn casserole and cherry pie at my grandmother’s house in honor of my family’s plethora of January birthdays. I showered, spending more time than usual letting hot water run over my head because it made me forget about the headache, and I dried off in the dark so my eyes could adjust well when I tiptoed back through our bedroom without waking Liz up. However, when I opened the bathroom door and came into the room, I heard her whisper “Happy birthday” from our bed in the darkness. I felt my way to the side of the bed, then sat. I leaned down and began making kissing noises, which she reciprocated—it’s a game of “Marco Polo” we developed long ago to find each other’s lips when it was too dark to see them—until our lips met. “I hope you have a great day,” she said, before I tiptoed out of the bedroom and into the hall bathroom, where I got dressed and brushed my teeth. I let Suki out into the backyard to pee, put food in her bowl. I let her back in, grabbed my backpack, then went out to my truck.

At the office by 6:30am, I got the parking spot closest to the door, but there were a few cars scattered in the lot. I saw the light on in the gym and wished I had the discipline to develop a regular exercise routine. When I got close enough, I could see Jordan Culver in there like a champion with his headphones in his ears and a kettle bell in his hands. A few minutes after I got to my desk, my sister showed up at my cubicle in workout gear. “I have breakfast for you, but you can’t have it until after I get done in the gym.” “Oooo…” I said. Sometimes my brother-in-law makes breakfast for her and makes enough for me, too. I assumed that was the case. Around 8am, my headache intensified, which reminded me of the promise I made to Liz to call the doctor. I set up an appointment for 1:30. At 8.30, my coworkers gathered in a conference room around a breakfast casserole Chris Nick made and some fruit and they sang happy birthday to me while I wore the designated birthday sombrero and I assured them that—despite the #40andfabulous hashtag Liz used in the Instagram post she made that morning about me—I am not 40 yet.

I worked at my desk until noon, when I drove to Boulevard Bread for lunch. When I got there, I found Clayton Scott Grubbs and Ryan Hitt behind the counter making sandwiches. I asked Ryan what the special was, but he said there wasn’t one. “The first rule of business is to always have a special,” I said in a mock corporate tone the two of us used when we worked together back in 2010 at the now-defunct House Restaurant. I ordered a smoked turkey sandwich and some Zapp’s chips, then sat down until Joshua Asante came over to say hello. He asked me what I’m up to and I told him I was meeting the woman who just walked in. Hilary Trudell runs a storytelling show called The Yarn. We agreed to have lunch because I’m trying to back out of participating in her January 22 show because I don’t think I can tell my story in a compelling way within the allotted time. The show’s theme is “Adoption Stories” and I have a good one about how Lance Lang is my blood, but was adopted by another family at birth, then he sent me an email 52 years later because 23andMe.com said we share some DNA and now he’s family again. Hilary said she really likes the story and she gave me some ideas on how to approach it with brevity. Then we talked about Argenta Reading Series and how she and I are both trying to navigate the waters of nonprofits when neither of us knows anything about it, but we’re both committed to our causes. I promised her I will do my best to get my story where it can be told from her stage, and I’m 50% sure I can make it happen. I want to, and not being able to see the finished product in my head, which aches, so close to the date of the show disappoints me. It makes me feel inadequate as a writer. Like maybe all I’m good at is unnecessarily documenting things—like an entire day—and posting that exhaustive documentation to social media in the hopes of approval from a group of friends and acquaintances who might see it, based solely on some kind of bullshit algorithm that I used to feel I had a grasp of, but now I don’t know.

I drove to North Hills Family Medical Center, watched some sort of house-hunting show on HGTV in the waiting room for 40 minutes while I waited on someone to open a door and call my name, which finally happened. A nice woman in a surgical mask recorded that the scale she put me on read 204 lbs. “The boots,” I told her. She chuckled, and walked me to an exam room, where she declared my blood pressure is great. I told her about how I’ve had a headache since January 1. How the intensity of it comes and goes. The doctor told me a CT scan would be the course of action, but it’s probably just allergy-related, so a scan probably isn’t necessary. “I should tell you my father died of brain cancer in March,” I say. The doctor tried not to react, but his stumbling over words gave him away. “Just to be safe, let’s go ahead and do a CT scan.” And I could feel the pressure of my headache consuming me in that moment as I was reminded of all the doctors’ offices I sat in with my father in those three and a half years that it took him to die.

“If you aren’t in a hurry, he wants you to sit tight while we go ahead and get approval from your insurance to do the CT scan so we can get this going as quickly as possible,” the nurse told me. The urgency. I sat in the exam room and thought about how cruel life is and how I’m already aware that I should’ve met Liz and had Gus a decade ago so I could’ve spent more time on this earth with them as a family. I will be 71 when Gus is my age. To take my mind off of the fact that I may need to gear up for a fight against a brain tumor, I picked up the copy of WebMD Magazine on the table beside me. (How do you have a print magazine when your whole schtick is that you are on the web?) I skimmed it carefully when I read how broccoli might break-down cancer cells. I love broccoli. I should eat more broccoli, I told myself. And then I questioned why in the hell I would be eating turkey sandwiches for lunch when I am smart enough to understand the detrimental effects deli meat has on my body, not to mention the turkey’s. I committed silently to eating nothing but fruits and vegetables and beans and whatever else Clayton Bell's Facebook posts tell me to.

When the nurse came back, she told me the doctor changed his mind about calling me with the results of the CT scan, which will be Tuesday at 2.15pm. Now he wants me to come in on Wednesday so he can go over the results with me personally. It occurred to me that he’s taking the necessary steps to deliver bad news.

Liz wanted me to call her on my way back to the office, so I did. I told her the headache is probably nothing, and she agreed that it’s probably nothing. But she registered my fears through the phone because she picks up on the nuances of my behavior that I am unaware of. It’s a wonderful thing to share this life with someone who loves you enough to notice the subtleties of your voice.

Back at work, my coworkers asked me if I felt better. I can’t remember if I told them about my headache or they deduced that I wasn’t feeling well because I went to the doctor. Either way, I said, “Not really.” The left side of my head pulsated. Around 4:45, Laura messaged to ask me when I was leaving work. She had a gift she wanted to give me before I left. I walked to her office and pulled a box from a bag. Inside was a framed Kodak newspaper ad from way back. “I saw this at an antique store and it made me think of you and Liz.” It’s a black and white photo of a man and woman on snow skis. The man is looking into an old camera and the woman is grinning playfully beside him. It looks like an old-fashioned mirror selfie. “Kodak as you go,” the copy reads. I pulled a card from the box. Inside the envelope I saw Laura’s handwriting on folded up notebook paper. “I wrote some thoughts down on paper when you were in Arizona, I think. August 2016, I think. Dad was sick and you were gone and I know I’ll never do anything with them, but I thought you might like to have them.” I read the small pages. A rare glimpse into my always-professional sister’s emotions. She is my father reincarnate. The note says how she remembers us going to take family portraits in the early 90s, when Dad was preparing to run for the Arkansas House of Representatives. She remembers the man being there that served as Dad’s campaign manager and how she knew from that point on that she wanted to do marketing in some capacity. She and I have never talked about that time, but I tell her, “I think about that guy a lot, too, and what his job was,” but I never thought about the influence he had on my own desire to work in marketing. He was such a minor character in our lives—he had nothing more than a cameo—but then there Laura and I were, sitting in the office where we both do marketing, trying to remember his name. Only now that I write this the next day do I actually remember it. Chuck Hicks.

At home, I found Liz and Gus and Suki on the couch. My head hurt. “Gus is exhausted, I think we can put him down early,” Liz told me. So I took him back to his room, changed his diaper, put him in his pajamas. I turned on the space heater we have in his room, then handed him to Liz, who would feed him in the rocking chair after I turned out the lamp and went outside to throw the tennis ball with Suki until I could see Liz through the window in the kitchen, starting dinner. She bought things to make pad thai for my birthday dinner. I love Asian noodles. While she cooked, we traded stories about what happened during the day. “Oh, God. Were you able to contain yourself?” Liz asked me when I told her about talking to Joshua Asante at Boulevard. I’ve always admired his commitment to his art, and when Liz and I first started dating, I mentioned that I was possibly too intimidated to even talk to him. Now she always ribs me about it. But once she’d had her fill, we agreed that we should go to the gallery opening for his and Matt White’s photography at the CALS bookstore Friday. We decide we can just bring Gus with us. That some art will do him good. And then my head started hurting again, so I sat on the couch and rested my skull against the back of the sofa. After a couple of minutes, Suki pressed her nose against my hand, so I reached down to pet her. I touched dirt on her leg. “How much time do I have until dinner?” I asked Liz. “25-30 minutes,” she said, cutting tofu. “I’m going to give Suki a bath.” I picked all 45 pounds of her up and carried her to the hall bathroom where we have an outdated whirlpool (that I like but Liz says it has to go). I stripped down and got in the tub with Suki. I stood her up under the faucet and shampooed her. She hates baths. When I let her out, she got crazy, as she always does, running around the house spastically, and I tried to rush her into the back yard before she woke Gus up. I closed the patio door behind her and rinsed off in the shower. When I got out and dried off, Liz and I ate pad thai on the sofa while watching The Wire and she said, “I’m sorry the pad thai didn’t turn out better.” She always apologizes that her meals aren’t better, but they’re delicious 95% of the time. I’ve always loved her cooking and I always will. She doesn’t follow recipes.

We were in bed by 9pm, tired, but happy. When my headache surged again, I placed a helpless hand on my head the way my father used to and I tried not to think about it.

“It’s probably nothing, right?” I said.

“It’s probably nothing,” she said.

Dad

North Little Rock, Arkansas. 1.8.2018 - 8.24am.

UPDATE: The CT scan was clear. Turns out I have tension headaches caused by stress. The doctor recommended muscle relaxers and a massage.

[justsomebucky]

The Only Exception (Part 10)

Summary: AU. Reader is given the task of running a popular love advice internet show when her coworker is fired. Her cynical attitude toward love makes her offer some harsh advice, and more than a few hearts are caught in the aftermath. Will hers be one of them?

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader

Word Count: 1,937 (End!)

Warnings: language, fluff, it’s an innocent lil epilogue

A/N: Sorry I get so cheesy in this space. Thank you to the people who encouraged me along the way, most of you total strangers who didn’t need to stop and take time out to do so, but did it anyway because you’re good people. Thanks to the other writers who sympathized with and cheered for me, I adore you. This is dedicated to you empathetic, beautiful people.

Part - 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10

Six months later…

The lobby of the Red Wing Community Center was tremendously crowded, and for that you were grateful. You’d only caught a glimpse as you walked past, but it was more than enough to make tonight’s dedication ceremony that much more exciting.

As you walked back to your office, you thought about all you’d gone through to get to this point. So much had happened in your life, and you felt like a completely different person now, for the better. You were leading your own group and one-on-one sessions now, and you really felt like you were finally getting a chance to make use of all that training and empathy you’d accumulated over the years.

Maria had been given a psych evaluation that yielded some interesting (read: alarming) results, so she was now in a treatment facility designed for criminals. It was better to have her there than roaming free to hurt others, and rotting in prison without working out her issues would have been useless.

You hoped she would someday feel sorry for the harm she caused to everyone.

It turned out that Leah’s unemployment stint led her to a new job with the New York Yankees organization. Rumor had it that she was also sleeping with one of the top stars of the moment.

May Parker’s employment was terminated when Tony Stark dissolved September Media. You hadn’t heard a peep about her since.

Scott Lang was now no longer reporting on engineering feats, he was designing them himself under Stark Industries.

Bucky’s surrogate mother found solace in becoming the head cook at the new kitchen for the less fortunate members of the community center, which was part of tonight’s dedication ceremony.

Bruce Banner became a top investigator at his station. His research skills helped save many lives since this promotion, and Brooklyn had never felt safer.

Steve and Natasha were still a thing, and you knew from a little birdie that Steve was looking for a bigger place for the two of them to move into together. It wasn’t easy keeping that a secret from your best friend, but you were getting pretty good at no longer spoiling things for other people.

You smiled to yourself as you flipped the light switch, illuminating your renovated office.

The two of them were cute, sure, but you knew someone even more adorable. You walked over to the wall behind your desk, where a calendar was hanging next to your trauma certifications and degrees.

The featured image for May was a woman you hadn’t met yet, but she looked damn good standing in her firefighter uniform and holding a big brown puppy. The New York fire stations all did charity calendars benefiting Brooklyn non-profits. Steve and Bucky’s station was going to make a calendar to benefit the community center, but you convinced them not to after your grand idea came into play.

Instead, they did a charity calendar for the local animal shelter, and it sold so fast they had to order more prints. Every single firefighter there posed with animals that were up for adoption, and you absolutely adored it. You had a copy for work, and one in almost every room of your new apartment (except the bathroom, because that would be really weird).

You flipped the calendar to Steve’s Mr. July picture, complete with a bunch of golden retriever puppies all dressed in red, white, and blue ribbons. Natasha had almost passed out when she saw it.

That wasn’t even the best part. No, your favorite was Mr. October. When you got to that page, you grinned at the photo of Bucky in nothing but his pants, suspenders, and fireman’s hat, holding a tiny orange kitten in his muscular right arm, and a tiny black kitten in his left. They were posed around pumpkins for a Halloween theme.

You couldn’t wait for October.

“Could you please stop ogling me? It’s embarrassing.”

You let go of the calendar page and turned to see Bucky standing in the doorway, shaking his head at you.

“I just really love kittens and Halloween,” you joked, moving around your desk to stand in front of him. “I can’t help it that you’re in the picture, too.”

“Funny.” Bucky reached for you, grabbing you by the hips to pull you closer to him. He leaned over and brushed his nose with yours, then placed a sweet kiss on your lips. “Hi.”

“Hi,” you murmured, wrapping your arms around his neck. “How was your shift?”

He shrugged. “Nothing too dangerous.”

“Good. This city had better keep my hot fireman safe.”

Bucky was your biggest source of comfort and strength in the months following Maria’s arrest. He never pushed you, never expected anything out of you, but instead was simply there for you when you needed someone. He helped build your confidence back up.

Along the way, you found yourself genuinely falling for him. It was more than the bar date had been; that was just banter and flirting, you knew that now. No, this was blossoming more every day into something incredible.

This time around, you and Bucky had a partnership.

“You see the crowd out there?”

You nodded. “Sam is beside himself. There’s so much attention on the center now, he’s going to have to hire another assistant.”

“Maybe an intern? Steve knows this kid from Queens who seems really caring, like he wants to help people.”

“Tell him to talk to Sam.” You reached up and brushed his hair back. “I guess we should be going, they’re going to be expecting us.”

“You,” Bucky corrected, his blue eyes bright as a proud smile formed on his face. “They’re expecting you, Doll. Not me. You’re the one who brought this all together.”

“I had help. I couldn’t have done any of this without Sam and Mr. Stark.”

“And his money, don’t forget.”

“That too.”

After Tony Stark offered to find you a new place to live (and you now lived in a top-floor, elevator-accessible apartment in Williamsburg, a much nicer part of your beloved Brooklyn), he wanted to know what else he could do to make things right.

There was only one thing you could think of. Money wouldn’t change what happened to you. Money couldn’t take away the pain Maria caused.

It could, however, improve the lives of a shit load of New Yorkers who needed the help.

Sam’s center ran almost entirely off of funding from generous donors. You knew he had a wish list of additional programs he wanted to start, as well as other helpful improvements to the center itself. One of them was the soup kitchen. Expanded group rooms, temporary housing for domestic violence victims, a new gym and rehabilitation center for injured vets and first responders, and on-call support staff were a few of those things.

Now, thanks to Tony’s generosity, they were becoming a reality, and you couldn’t be happier for Sam.

“Y/N? You look lost in thought aga-“

You interrupted Bucky by brushing your lips across his again, having spent far too long talking and thinking instead of kissing. It was hard to find time for yourselves lately, with all the extra work you had to do for the center, and all the crazy shifts Bucky was on.

Bucky seemed to agree with this new direction. He pressed closer to you as he deepened the kiss, his fingers digging into your hips just a little. The two of you were so lost in each other that you didn’t hear Sam until he cleared his throat in exaggeration.

You and Bucky pulled apart, sheepishly turning to look at him.

“They’re about ready, if you two are done playing tonsil hockey,” Sam said. “Y/N, I want you to be at the front and center, if you would.”

“Nah, Sam. This is your dream. This is your hard work. You deserve it.” You smiled at your friend, mentor, and boss. “Helping people is the only thing I ever wanted, and you gave me a chance to do it. Anything else I do for you is just me trying to return the favor.”

Sam shook his head. “You’re something else, Y/N.” He turned, motioning for you to follow.

Bucky took your hand in his as the two of you walked behind Sam to the main lobby, where a crowd of supporters, neighbors, and press were gathered to watch Sam and Tony Stark cut the ribbon on the expanded facility. You found a spot off to the side so you could get some good pictures on your phone.

“He’s right, you know,” Bucky murmured in your ear. 

“Hmm?” You stood on your tiptoes to try to see if Tony was there yet, and bit back a grin when you saw him shake hands with Sam.

Bucky continued talking. “Although, you aren’t just something else to me. You’re everything. I love you so much.”

You turned to look at him with wide eyes, feeling a little speechless.

Bucky’s eyes were sparkling as he lifted a hand to cup your cheek gently. “You don’t have to say it back. I’m not just saying it to say it, either. I’ve been thinking about it for a couple months now, but you’ve been so busy with these amazing projects…anyways, I just wanted you to know that I love you.”

He dropped his hand from your face and shoved both hands into his pockets, turning to face the front where Sam and Tony were ready to cut the ribbon.

He was so casual about it, you wondered for a moment if you imagined it all.

Did he just…?

You heard Sam’s voice as he thanked everyone for coming, and then thanked Tony for his generosity. It all became white noise as you focused on the man beside you.

This wasn’t some blundered attempt at making up. This wasn’t a cover-up for a mistake. It wasn’t a last-ditch effort to not lose you.

He really did mean it.

From where you started with Bucky and where you were now, it seemed like there was a whole lifetime in between. There were moments of happiness and sadness, tragedy and triumph…moments you’d love to forget, and moments you’d cherish forever.

That was the point of anything, wasn’t it? To live life to the fullest? To take the good with the bad, and find someone to walk beside you along the way?

Not one human is flawless; everyone has both a good side and bad side. Everyone makes mistakes. It’s how you use those mistakes, how you learn from them, that shape you into a better person.

You’d been reading about other people’s romances your whole life, while slowly developing that now-infamous cynical attitude toward all of it. Deep down, though, your heart had always longed for a love life worthy of a Jane Austen novel. Hell, for a while there, you were even willing to settle for a little Sophie Kinsella-type romance. But what you really ended up with was more like that bastard Nicholas Sparks, with his flair for melodrama and deep connections.

You pulled Bucky’s hand out of his pocket and gripped it tightly in your own, causing him to look at you in surprise.

The two of you locked eyes as if you were the only two in the room. It was straight out of Pride and Prejudice movie or something, when Elizabeth stares at Darcy while they’re dancing. Only you weren’t dancing, and this wasn’t a romance from classic literature.

This was real.

There was a brief pause before you finally found the courage to let the words slip.

“I love you, too.”

Part - 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10

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[falconisms]

Mr.Lang - Ch 1

Fandom: Marvel Pairing: Scott Lang/Sam Wilson Warnings: None Word Count: 2,977 Summary: Scott is a single, overworked dad that has come to the realization that he can’t keep asking his ex-wife and friends to watch Cassie five days of the week when he comes across an old babysitter ad by a Sam Wilson.  

A/N: i got lazy editing so if theres any mistakes or if it flows weird i M SORRY

ao3 link

“What do you mean you can’t watch Cassie?”

“Scott, it’s a two hour drive out. I can’t be doing it three times a week.”

“I’m working four jobs to make sure I can care for her. Isn’t this what you wanted Maggie? Me to clean up my act and be able to support Cassie?”

“It is, but isn’t four jobs a little excessive? She’s your daughter, you need to be able spend more time with her. Finding people to watch her in such short notice was bound to stop working.”

“I can’t afford to have daycare five days outta the week Maggie. Sometimes I can barely make rent.”

“I’ll take her this time but seriously Scott, I’m sure you can find a babysitter that will change wages because of your situation. I know it’s hard, but you really are doing a great job.” Scott briefly heard someone whisper to Maggie on the other line. “ Alright, I gotta go. I’ll see you tomorrow when you get off work.”

“Thanks Mags.” Scott let out and pulled the phone away from his ear, watching the call end. Find a babysitter that’s willing to work five days a week and willing to change their pay rate because of Scott’s sob story. No problem.

**

Turns out finding a babysitter to do just that was a big problem. Either they were willing to work five days a week but didn’t even blink at Scott’s story or they felt bad for his situation but weren’t willing to put in the time. Having lost all hope, he moped around his whole shift at his gas station job.

The store was run down and dead silent except one old man who was actually dying as he looked slowly over all the lottery tickets, and back over them again. Searching for anything to keep Scott from falling asleep, he pulled out one of the month old newspapers they had shoved behind the newer ones. Turning from sports to comics to local news, he ended up in the job search.

Scott already was tossing around four jobs on top of raising a kid, he shouldn’t be looking at old job offers. It’s just light reading material, don’t get any ideas Lang. He thought to himself. So that’s what he did, mindlessly scanned over the words until one ad actually caught his eye.

Babysitter for hire. Flexible, open hours and cheap. Everything Scott needs.

Should he really trust an old babysitter ad that charges $5 an hour? Probably not. Who knows, the person might not be a great babysitter at that rate, or their offer might not  be open with all the time that’s passed. But he’s willing to try, he has to. Looking closer at the fihe print, Scott sees a name.

Sam Wilson.

Under the name simply has a phone number. Alright, this is just something Scott will have to do. He’ll call this “Sam Wilson”, talk to them about the ad and then he’ll leave them with Cassie for a few hours and report back to see how it went on her standards. If she’s willing to try a babysitter.

Scott grabbed some scissors from the managers keep behind the counter and cut out the full ad and shoved it into his pocket. To look like he was working, he sorted the papers by date and threw away all the older ones.

**

A sweet cry of “Daddy!” and sounds of sock covered feet running down the cramped hallway when he opened the front door put smile on Scott’s face immediately. He bent down right when Cassie came into sight. Her hair was braided into pigtails and a crown sat on top of her head. She barreled towards her dad with her short arms spread for a hug. Scott scooped her up as soon as there was contact between the two.

“Hey Princess!” He beamed, lifting Cassie up. “Did I miss the tea party this afternoon? I never got an invitation.” She laughed while shaking her head, making her pigtails bounce back and forth. “I didn’t miss it? Then what are we standing around for Cass? We got a tea party to throw.” Scott gently put her down so he could take off his shoes and put his keys away.

“No Daddy!” She wrinkled her nose and shook her head again. Scott bent down to meet her face to face, raising an eyebrow in question. “I didn’t invite you ‘cause you’re busy all the time.” He immediately placed his hands on her small shoulders and  ran them up and down the upper half of her arms.

“Oh but I’m never too busy to spend time with you Peanut.” Scott looked up from Cassie to meet Luis’ gaze, hoping he’ll get the message that they need to speak before he heads out. “Now, would you look at the time?” He looked at an imaginary watch on his wrist, causing Cassie to laugh a little, “It’s time for the after party tea party!  Is the table all set for your guests?” Cassie’s eyes were wide as she quickly shook her head. Crossing his arms, Scott puffed out his chested, “Well, you better go set it! Your guests will be arriving shortly Princess!” Cassie let out a short scream and ran back towards her room to set up for a second tea party.

“Two tea parties in one day? That’s a lot for one little girl to handle.” Luis had a cheeky smile on his face at the sight of Cassie running excitedly into her bedroom. He lifted off the tiara Cassie surely convinced him to wear.

“Ah, Princess Luis,” Scott stood up from his kneeling to speak to his daughter to do a deep bow towards his best friend. “How was this evening with Princess Cassie?” Standing up straight again, he walked over to Luis to clap their right hands together, pull each other in and patting each other sharply on the back.

“As good as you can expect, you got a great kid Scotty.” They both looked down the cramped hallway leading towards the two bedrooms in the small apartment. Cassie’s door was open and you could hear her humming as she set up her plastic tea set.

Nodding, Scott turned back to Luis, “Well man, thanks again for watching after her today. I’ll make it up to you somehow, promise.”

“Nah, you’ve done enough for me man.” Luis shook his head and walked over to the stuff he brought along. Slinging his backpack on, slipping his shoes on and handing Scott the small tiara, Luis headed towards the door to leave. “You and Cass have fun, I’ll see ya later.”

“Hey before you go, I need your advice on something.” Luis turned back to Scott at that in time to see him pull out the newspaper ad he got earlier at work. He held it out for Luis to grab and look over. “It’s a babysitter ad. A cheap, flexible one, like it’s too good to be true.”

“And that’s exactly what’s setting you off,” He replied, taking the ad from Scott and looked it over. “So what’s on your mind?”

“I need to take it up with the Princess,” Scott pointed his thumb over his shoulder, “ and depending on how she reacts, hire them for an hour or so and see what Cassie thinks of them?” Scott fidgeted with the hem of his polo work shirt. “But isn’t that weird? Hiring a stranger to watch your kid for a few hours and asking send kid to tell you how it went? Yeah that’s too weird. Maybe there’s a coworker at one of my jobs who’s kid coul-”

“Scotty.” Scott snapped his mouth shut at the tone of Luis’ voice. “Give it a try. Cassie will be totally ok with a babysitter. How much is at risk here really? Ten dollars?” Luis handed the ad back to Scott and opened the front door. “Whatever happens, you’ll figure it out amigo, you always do.” With that, Luis waved his hand up and left Scott to decide on his own.

However when a “Daddy!” was called out from down the hall, Scott knew he wasn’t totally alone in this decision.

Heading down the hallway to the little girl’s room with a bright smile on his face, Scott called down to her “I’m coming Princess.” When he appeared in Cassie’s doorway, she took hold of three of his fingers, her way of holding his hand, and led him towards her small table with plastic china set out on it for a tea party.

“You’ll sit here Daddy,” She pointed at a spot on the ground, Scott sat down at with his legs crossed. The table was low to the ground and had chipping paint, it was missing its matching chairs so instead Cassie took pillows and cushions from around the apartment when she sat at it. Around the table on the other cushions sat Cassie’s favorite stuffed bears and toys, playing the part as the other guests at the party.

The eight year old sat straight across from Scott and began to pour imaginary tea into each plastic cup. She started on her left, making it around to each guest, asking if they want any sugar or milk. “Milk for your tea?” She looked up at Scott once she was done pouring him his own cup of tea.

He place the small silver tiara Luis was previously wearing on his head and nodded with gusto, “Of course Princess Cassie, you always remember how I enjoy my tea.” Scott sat up straight and spoke in some sort of accent. Cassie giggled with a wrinkled nose, finishing her cup of tea with three imaginary sugar cubes. She lifted her tea cup with her pinkie extended out, sat up straight like her father and tried to mock his accent.

“Thank you for coming Princess Daddy,” Cassie held the cup towards Scott to initiate a delicate cheers. Scott followed her lead, lifting the cup with his pinkie finger out and carefully met his daughter’s plastic tea cup halfway. A soft clink of the plastic signaled them to left the cups to their mouths and pretend to take a sip of the tea.

“Ah! The best tea as always Princess Cassie!” Scott exclaimed after he took a sip of his imaginary tea.

“Daddy?” Cassie put down her teacup and looked intently at Scott. “What’s wrong?” He blinked, taken aback.

“What do you mean Cass?” She lead forward over the short table and placed her small hands on his face.

“Your face is all crinkled.” She rubs up and down his cheeks, stretching his skin down slightly. Scott didn’t realize his brows were furrowed this whole time, constant worry on his face. Of course Cassie picked up on it. He relaxed his face and gave her a small smile while grabbing her hands.

“I have a question for you.” He pulled his daughters hands off his cheeks and let out a sigh through his nose, “Would you be okay with having a babysitter that watches you when I’m not home?”

“But I have Mommy and Uncle Luis to watch me.” Cassie said, “I don’t need a babysitter.” Scott nodded and stood up, still holding one of Cassie’s hands, leading her out of the room and down to the apartments kitchen.

“I know Peanut, but Mommy and Luis can’t be here every time I need them to be.” The kitchen was cramped, holding one counter top and a square dinner table in the corner. Scott lifted Cassie up to sit in her spot at the dining table. “A babysitter can be here when I can’t.” Cassie pursed her lips while kicking her short legs back and forth.

Scott pulled out a tub of vanilla ice cream from the freezer in the fridge that was only a short distance away from the table. Scooping three scoops into a bowl and grabbing two spoons, he brought the bowl to Cassie. As soon as the bowl touched the table Scott held up one finger towards the young girl and went to put the tub away.

“Also,” He came back with sprinkles, “We’ll do a test run.” He poured some sprinkles on Cassie’s half of the ice cream and handed her one of the spoons.

“A test run?” She questioned before taking a bite.

“Yup. Tomorrow is Saturday, I don’t have to work. But I do need to get groceries. So I’ll ask them to watch after you for a few hours while I shop.” Scott took a large bite of ice cream.

“What’s their name?” She asked, a bit of ice cream on the corner of her mouth. Scott smiled, wiping the food off her face and pulled out the newspaper ad. “Sam Wilson.” She read. “Will they have tea parties with me?”

“I’m sure if you ask nicely they will have tea parties with you.” Scott ruffled her hair, “Now let’s finish up, it’s almost your bedtime.” Cassie nodded and shortly after they cleaned out the bowl of ice cream.

**

The clock read 8:45 pm by the time Cassie fell asleep. Scott left her bedroom door slightly ajar and headed back to the kitchen. He grabbed an apple for the fridge, the newspaper ad from the table and made his way to the ratty couch that resided in the living room area. Taking a bite of the apple, Scott pulled out his phone to dial the phone number on the ad. Soon he realized that it was late to make business related calls, and maybe they weren’t even available tomorrow, it was the weekend for god sake. They can afford a personal ad, they must be an adult. And if they don’t answer tonight, I’ll leave a voicemail. Cassie will understand. Besides she loved to go to the grocery store. Scott nodded to himself and pressed the call button before he talked himself back out of it.

The line rang a few times before being answered with a “Hello?” and some loud background noise.

Scott stuttered, “Hello, is this Sam Wilson?” He raised an eyebrow at the sound of glass clinking together.

“This is he, may I ask who is calling?” The man on the other end was now trying to speak over the background noise now.

“Oh. Yeah, This is Scott Lang?” He immediately slapped himself mentally for adding a question mark after his name. “I’m calling about your babysitting ad. In the paper. Babysitter for hire. That’s you right?” Scott placed his hand over his mouth before he rambled more.

“Babysitter ad?” Sam went quiet under the noises in the background, it sounded like voices and music? “Wait, that ad I put out like a month ago? I didn’t think anyone saw it.” Sam let out a breathy laugh, “Give me one second man.”

“Okay,” Scott stuttered again, left to the loud background until it suddenly stopped. “Hello?”

“Hey, I’m still here.” Sam’s voice replied immediately, “Sorry about that. So, the babysitting ad?”

“Um,” Scott blanked out from hearing Sam Wilson’s voice fully. It was smooth, calming even. “Are you still looking for a job?” He rushed out quickly.

“When do I start?”

“Wait. Really? Just like that you’re ready to start?” This Sam Wilson really seems like something else, thought Scott.

“Yeah, you’re the only person who has called me about that ad. You’re probably the only one who actually saw it.” Scott snorted at that. “So, what’s your story?”

“My story?”

“You call me about a month old babysitter ad. You have to have some life to lead you to this conversation.” Was Scott really that easy to figure out? That a mystery man that he’s been on the phone with for two minutes can come to the conclusion that Scott is in a tough spot.

Life could always be described as a ‘tough spot’ for Scott, ever since he was young with his sick mom. From theft to jail to release to starting his life back up while taking care of Cassie, calling a tough spot would be taking it lightly. But he can’t drop all that on a babysitter, a stranger, one that could be temporary no less. So Scott breathed in through his nose, gathering the courage to tell the other man how he sees it.

“I do lead some life, and the most important thing to me in that life is my daughter.” He nearly whispered. “Being a single dad in New York is nearly impossible. So here’s the deal. The idea of a babysitter is new to Cassie, I want her to be able to tell me if she’s okay with it or not. If you’re available, can you watch her for a couple of hours tomorrow morning?” Scott rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand, clutching the apple he’s been holding. “If she likes you, I’ll tell you my story.”

Silence, he quickly brought the phone away from his ear to check if the call was still going and back. “Sounds like I got an impression to make. How old is she?” Sam asked after a while.

“Eight.” Answered Scott, hints of pride in his voice.

“Alright. Text this number with your address and when you want me to watch Cassie tomorrow and I’ll be there.” Sam ended the call before Scott had a chance to react. Pulling the phone away from his ear, he took another bite of the apple to collect his thoughts.

What’s done is done, it’s up to Cassie now. Scott concluded while pulling his phone back into his range of sight. He began to compose a new text to Sam Wilson. Running all the things he could say through his head, he decided to keep it to the point.

5621 43rd Ave Queens. 9:30 am. -Scott Lang

[loregoddess]

hmmm..... do Kay, Apollo and Shiro for Variety™

Guess who still doesn’t have any idea how to answer things in moderation? Everything’s under the cut.

KayFirst impression: I honestly didn’t know what to think of Kay, like…oh, another peppy, very young girl sidekick…how original Capcom…Impression now: I love her, like yes, she is another peppy young girl sidekick, but she’s got so much personality and stands as her own character, and she’s just…I love her, she’s a good person.Favourite moment: So many….pulling Edgeworth into a commemorative photo, singing the Yatagaresu theme song (any time), arguing with Lang over whether wolves or ravens are better…so many good moments…Idea for a story: When Kay isn’t helping Edgeworth out, she’s hanging out with Franziska, stealing junk food for her and helping her on Franziska’s various international adventures. Cue cute romance blossoming, Franziska being able to unlearn some of her more harmful perfectionist behaviours and just be more at peace with herself, and Kay learning how to best be a Great Theif legally while realising that she can help other people who’re in bad situations as she once was, and the two of them just being an awesome, wholesome team and couple and getting into all sorta of wild adventures together.Unpopular opinion: Dunno how “unpopular” is is per se, but I headcanon that Kay became a detective instead of following in her father’s footsteps? Like I dunno, in my head detective fits her inquisitive nature and willingness to help out better.Favourite relationship: If it wasn’t obvious from above, Kay and Franziska would make a beautiful couple.Favourite headcanon: That she steals junk food for Franziska, but also keeps it a secret, and that she also tries to recruit Franziska for the “new” Yatagaresu.

ApolloFirst impression: Some kid with rabbit ear hairImpression now: A very good character, whom I love, and who has suffered far too much. Honestly though, his snark, sarcasm, and wit is always fun, but boy howdy this kid does need a break.Favourite moment: Also so many…wanting to modify the sign of that one park in a twist of dark humour, “I’m a lawyer, I live for needless procedures.”–reading manga and keeping it at his desk at the WAA…I love this kid…Idea for a story: A story where Apollo doesn’t suffer, but is instead allowed time to actually grieve and deal with some of the shit he’s been through (like, how did he feel about all the shit that went down in AA4? the world may never know). Also a peek at how his life post-SoJ would be interesting for reasons I can’t discuss with you until you beat the game. Also a game where he and Trucy learn the Truth, and are given time to process that and deal with it in a believable manner. Also a game where the talks to Klavier more.Unpopular opinion: I dunno dude, what are the popular opinions on Apollo Although I do think he’s distinctive from Phoenix, I’ve heard some complaint about how he’s too similar to Phoenix but like, they don’t seem alike to me at all? I also read too much in between the lines though so…Favourite relationship: Romantically he has potential with Klavier if, y’know, Klav ever got some character development and they interacted more. His brother-sister relationship with Trucy is both adorable and frustrating because someone won’t tell their kids they’re related. His coworker relationship with Athena is ever amusing. His implied deep friendship (possibly romantic relationship if you’re looking for angsty shipping) with Clay still breaks my heart because there are few things more terrifying to me than losing a dear friend…Favourite headcanon: That he was sort of unknowingly using his perceive ability before Trucy told him to focus in on it. Also that he’s good at astrology because he confused it for astronomy when Clay told him about wanting to be an astronaut. Also some headcanons that come with SoJ spoilers…

ShiroFirst impression: You told me I would like him, but all I knew was he Suffered.Impression now: I love him, I really do, he’s a good person and deserves a break and I hope he’s able to live a long, healthy, good, unstressed life.Favourite moment: When he joined in on the gun sound effects.Idea for a story: I dunno, Voltron is still on-going so I’m happy to just, wait and see where it goes? I do want him to get some rest and also just, come to terms with shit at his own pace and be at peace with himself.Unpopular opinion: I don’t ship him with anyone, and the Voltron fandom is shippier than the Fire Emblem fandom, and sometimes more aggressive about their ships than the LoZ fandom, and that my friend, is saying something.Favourite relationship: He gets along really well with everyone, and also seemed to get along with the Holts really well, and just generally I like all his positive interactions with the other Paladins and Allura and Coran.Favourite headcanon: I can’t think of any of the happy headcanons that I live off of, and the first headcanon that came to mind was the one where he can’t sleep on a bed because of the year of Galra imprisonment, and doesn’t sleep well in general, and I just hope if that turns out to be canon that he’s eventually able to be free of that and get to sleep peacefully in a nice bed without any issues. He deserves the rest.