#lazard is bullshitting

[preposterousgreen]

Lazard: So, how did everyone spend their long weekend?

Angeal: Looting peasants’ houses right in front of them.

Genesis: Getting sworn at by twelve-year-olds.

Sephiroth: Fishing with high explosives.

Lazard:

Lazard: [to Zack] New game release?

Zack: Yep.

Zack: I couldn’t find my charger cable, though. :(

[getvalentined]

I do wanna say that there is one (1) Cloud Shinra theory that I really like, and it's my kid sister's, and it's that Claudia is President Shinra's estranged younger sister who had serious ideological differences and fucked off at like 14 because the old man expected her to raise Rufus after his mom died and she was like "ABSOLUTELY NOT."

This would explain why Lazard came to Nibelheim after defecting (visiting Aunt Claudia because if she could disappear and not have the company chasing her down then surely she has advice for him) and also it's just super funny to imagine Claudia being so down to clown in poor folks' town because she just hates her family so much that eating raw potatoes that she grew herself and then tore out of the ground with her bare hands is the most liberating thing she's ever experienced.

It's not a headcanon I've ever used or incorporated into anything, but it's genuinely one of the best subversions of common fanon theories that I've ever had the honor of engaging with.

[altocat]

does genesis and angeal know seph is gay

Angeal knows. And that's because Sephiroth trusts Angeal enough with some of his deepest secrets. Angeal has reassured Sephiroth many times that he should be proud of who he is and that Shinra doesn't have the right to police his identity and relationships. Sephiroth...honestly hasn't listened to Angeal as much as he should.

Genesis, on the other hand, was never told but has always suspected. It's part of the reason he enjoys teasing and flirting with Sephiroth on occasion. He has a clue. What he DOESN'T know is that Sephiroth has had feelings for him for a long time. And that, with the right communication, the two of them could toss their rivalry out the window and form something real and meaningful together.

Bonus:

Lazard fucking knows. And I mean KNOWS. Just because he's quiet and tolerates a lot of bullshit doesn't mean he doesn't see exactly which way the winds are blowing. He just keeps it to himself.

Zack doesn't know shit and as far as he's concerned, Sephiroth is a HUGE womanizer and he is not to leave Aerith alone with him under any circumstances. You're only half-right on that one, Zack.

[rottenpumpkin13]

It's mental health day in SOLDIER! Thanks, Lazard! The evaluation is mandatory, the rest will depend on the results of evaluation. Yes, we know shirt is also "mandatory", but this is mandatory-mandatory. The therapist specializes in PTSD and childhood traumas, but is good with any issue. Yes, it is possible the therapist will get PTSD themselves, but as long as they manage to help some people, they're happy.

(Afterwards)

Genesis: That mental health evaluation was bullshit! My therapist told me to my face that the continuous neglect and pressure my parents inflicted upon me is the root cause of my current need for approval, inflated ego, and low self-esteem!

Angeal: Wow. Mine told me that I'm depressed and have all the qualities of a ticking time bomb that will break down the moment I face a big enough disappointment....Oh! And did you know that experiencing poverty during your formative years leads to a heap of mental health issues?

Genesis: What about you, Sephiroth?

Sephiroth: I don't know what happened. Halfway through the session my therapist started sobbing. I had to console him.

[kaonarvna]

I am going to write more domestic, slice-of-life-y single-scene sephesis (and adjacent persons) fics. That little scene I did a week or so ago was such a good little palate cleanser between WIP sessions. I want to make a habit of it. I'd probably end up placing them all into a "multi-chapter" collection sort of deal, just for the sake of convenience.

I'm playing with it very loosely in the back of my exhausted little brain. Currently in my wee notes for things to hit, we've got a handful of "prompts" to play with (in no particular order, I may as well draw them from a hat). I've stashed them below the cut for the curious.

But that begs the question - is there anything people are hungry to see those fate-damned bastards go through together? Any scenarios or particular behaviours that could be explored? I absolutely will take requests: added tags; comments; dms; ask box; all means of communication are perfectly acceptable.

Genesis being called upon to deal with one of Sephiroth's "foul moods" within HQ.

Difficult stealth-related conversations in the workplace.

Uncomfortable discussions with PR about "seeming available" and other personal autonomy violations around sexual-romantic relationships.

Sephiroth fighting the urge to pre-clean Genesis' living space for "the help"; Genesis refusing to clean at all. Class related dynamics.

Tender outercourse. Shameless sensory enjoyment of bodies and touch.

Counting macros. Making sure everyone is well-fed in that mass-gain and maintain centric way of thinking.

Sephiroth getting Genesis to bully Zack on his atrocious squat form, because he respects Angeal too much to say anything to the little dog.

Very discreet PDA moments.

Trying to leave a work social (together) discreetly. Lazard choosing to let it slide/make nothing of it. As a treat. He knows.

Getting Sephiroth to proofread a piece of academic writing. Realising Sephiroth has some difficulty with reading large pieces of text (difficulty discerning one line from the next; vertically blurred).

Hungry to make them suffer through office politics bullshit and horrible treatment by SHINRA's PR department fr fr. My little achillean pincushions.

[oddlyspecificff7headcanons]

Lazard went above and beyond to increase the quality of life for SOLDIERs, anything from more comfortable boots, more modern helmets and better beds to better work and leasure schedule. 1st class SOLDIERs got special treatment, some of them learning for the first time in their lives that human rights existed and applied to them. Lazard worked day and night to fight for more funds, better conditions. He studied his 1sts likes and dislikes, making sure every mission was tailored to their specific needs. Lazard never had to punish his SOLDIERs, it was more than enough if he withheld their privileges.

Sephiroth learned it the hard way. After being proud and uncooperative, he found himself in a very hot, very humid and rather smelly small village, housed together in a mosquito ridden shack together with Reno for a week. Even after the horrors of Wutai war, he never imagined he could be so miserable.

After that, Lazard had to raise his voice once and adviced against ever making him raise his voice again.

He never had to raise his voice again.

Sure, SOLDIERs were still prone to all sorts of bullshit, but THE LOOK from Lazard was enough to make them immediately stop doing whatever it was that made Lazard give them THE LOOK. Lazard made sure they had an outlet and there were rules like "if you absolutely must murder one another, please do so after work and inside the training room".

SOLDIERs were a bit overprotective of Lazard as well, knowing very well they can kiss their humam rights goodbye if Heidegger took over

op your lazard hcs are what feed my crops and clear my skin i hope both sides of your pillow are cold

[snowbanshee]

I have this feeling that Vincent was seriously bullshitting everyone. "Let me predict what Cloud knows and thus somehow reason that it's a sign form the Gods I don't have to fight Sephiroth". And then he just predicts that Cloud will know about Kadaj turning into Sephiroth. Yes, he will know. You told him, but I guess nobody on the ship knows that.

I just hope, pray, that in Remake/Rebirth/Re? they won't change this. Can we please have Vincent as the only person on the Planet who didn't betray Sephiroth? Come on, Vincent! It won't kill you. No, wait, it literally would kill you. But it's not like you care if you live or die anyways, so...

Or do I have to go back to pretending Lazard was okay with offing Genesis and Angeal, but somehow still tried to protect Sephiroth?

[kazumahashimoto]

one thing i've been thinking about vis a vis zack's kazu esque status is like. and i feel like i'd have to give all the crisis core cutscenes another rewatch to fully confirm this. but i think, generally speaking, a lot of people blow zack's facade out of proportion. and it's funny because it was that "zack fair is TIRED of this BULLSHIT" video that got me thinking about it but i watch that video and i'm like yknow. kazu would never do any of this. and sure, "kazu esque" is a completely arbitrary classification i made up for characters i enjoy, but the whole "zack is secretly really sad" thing is a concept i see people dig into a lot. a lot more than i think zack actually does it himself. zack is a spunky happy go lucky guy yes, but he also gets annoyed easily and he never shys away from expressing that. when sephiroth tells him the higher ups don't want him going on a mission because they're worried his personal feelings will get in the way of obeying orders, he says, "well of course!". he's not masking anything for anyone by this point. i don't think he's masking for aerith either, not with his bravado and not to hide his discontent. a HUGE difference in this to me is to look at some of their lowest points. for kazu, when he gets found out, and for zack, when angeal dies. kazu did not seek out his friends. not once. not even slightly. the only reason anything even happened was because saku noticed he was slipping up in his performance. kazu never intended any of them to find out about anything, not after he decided he needed to keep this up in order to hold himself together. but he fell apart, and they noticed, and they helped. kazu does not hug haru back in this moment, and he never asked him to come. zack on the other hand, GOES to aerith. we don't see zack explain to her what happened, he sits in the middle of the church with his back faced to her, crying. he does not hug aerith back, but he still reached out. aerith didn't find HIM, he found HER. kazu would not have done that.

zack's facade isn't something that comes into effect until after nibelheim, and it's only ever to cloud. emphasis on AFTER NIBELHEIM. zack is a friendly guy, i don't think any of their interactions before this were built on trying to. idk keep up the rose tinted idea cloud had in his head of what soldiers were like. and in nibelheim, when cloud prods, zack tells him outright how he feels. zack is angry, he's upset, he's confused, oh but he's a soldier so who cares, he's just paid to hit stuff, not ask questions. he TELLS cloud this. it's only after all they went through in the mansion's basement that zack starts putting up a front, and again, just for cloud. when he sees genesis, lazard, cissnei, he's still just as angry and upset as he was before. he just keeps the smile on for cloud, and maybe himself too in a way. to hold onto normalcy. and so because of this, perhaps because it's how his character goes out, smiling, despite it all, this is were people decide he would continue being if he lived. idk that that's true though!!! like honestly i don't think The Facade was actually that big of A Thing for zack. he smiles and pats his head and makes sure to tell cloud how things are going great whenever he's around, because jesus christ!!! cloud is dying!!!!! cloud is POISONED!!!!!!! he didn't lie to cloud about how fucked shit was when cloud was FINE, but cloud is barely conscious, you think zack is gonna be venting his frustrations to his sick friend?? no!!! he's gonna sit there and smile and tell him everything is gonna be okay!!!! and i don't think that would carry over for long, if zack lived. i mean especially not to cloud, who would absolutely call him on his bullshit. so anyway. my point. i feel like, above all the other arbitrary traits on my kazu esque list, masking all emotions and having a facade is, to me, the most defining of what makes a character kazu esque. and so while YES, i think there are other traits i would classify zack being kazu esque for, i feel like THIS trait in particular regarding zack is one blown WAYYYY out of proportion. zack doesn't actually hide how he feels all that much, he's just a nice guy who also has the capacity to get upset about things. he's multidimensional and he shows that. so. a zack/kazu parallels dissertation may or may not happen, we'll see!

[kunselxsoldier]

Gentle arms wrap around Kunsel, and he was pulled into a familiar embrace. One where Aerith swayed him to unsung humming. He tried to hide it. Tried to bury it deep when being a SOLDIER meant asking too much — when that line between personal values and professional values had to blur.

But he could never hide that sadness in his eyes.

Something had happened. If he deemed to tell her, she would listen. If not?

She would be here all the same.

"... do you want me to cook up some food?" she offered, an alternate topic to pick at. A distraction from problems. "Or would you rather sit down and talk a bit?" Thanks to him she was getting better. Not everything needed to be side-stepped. Some things were better discussed.

How long could he keep this a secret for? That question related to so many aspects of his life right now, that Kunsel was entirely sure which facet concerned him more these days - which deserved more of his worry and attention?

Personal and professional had always been something he struggled with. He was talented at information-gathering, building rapport with new recruits, learning names and faces, retaining intel and keeping a very low profile. But things were beginning to compound.

SOLDIER was becoming a den of monsters; Director Lazard was in the wind, Veld and multiple Turks had defected, Angeal was gone, Genesis gone, Zack reported MIA, security grunts missing, SOLDIERs missing, villages burned to the ground and now Heidegger was placed in charge of their department; bullshit.

And now there were fresh-faced teenagers lined up to undergo 3rd Class training ... had they always been that young, or as he just realising how utterly shocking the recruitment age was? They were kids.

"I don't even know where to start," the words were quiet and Kunsel stayed rooted to the spot, swaying gently from side to side as Aerith hummed.

His first reaction to the arms around him was to turn and press a kiss to Aerith's forehead, grin and tell her he was fine. But he didn't; he wasn't fine. It was weird because the guilt hadn't welled up in so long now - Zack was missing and he had been for a few years now. The early guilt had slowly ebbed away as he and Aerith realised their friendship could be more. But now it roared back into life and Kunsel felt the entire weight of it on his shoulders.

Along with the people they had lost; Essai and Sebastian, and so many more. And now the faces of the new recruits, the excited kids, swam in his mind's eye; what if he failed them like his former comrades?

"SOLDIER's a poisoned den, Aerith ... I don't know what to do anymore."

[trilies]

[snippychicke]

CRISIS CORE REMAKE FOR SWITCH.

FFS. ANGEAL AND GENESIS BETTER BE DONE RIGHT. please, give me more Angeal. This man has been my husband for so long it isn't funny. I need more characterization.

But at the same time, he's fleshed out in my head. Will he be the same? Or will he be different? Will honor and friendship mean so much to him? Will he continue to be the big brother of SOLDIER?

AND WHAT ABOUT KUNSEL?! OMG. WILL WE SEE HIS FACE? WE WILL LEARN MORE OF HIM?! AND LAZARD?! MY TRAITOROUS BELOVED? What about Luxiere? And Gillian? And just Banora in general??? The Goddess? Minerva???

*is dead*

[121ubyday6]

I miss lazard ff7 so much gn

[altocat]

Sephiroth: Oh boy. Glenn doesn't hate me. Maybe we can rekindle our friendship, despite being on opposing sides-

Rufus Shinra: *shoots Glenn* Sorry my guy, we don't do that "friendship" bullshit.

Sephiroth: "Okay wow, uncalled for. But hey, I still have Angeal."

Lazard: "Sephiroth, I've got some bad news."

Sephiroth: "Okay. Well, fuck. Goddamn it. At least at the end of the day I know me and my best friend Genesis will eventually reconcile!"

Genesis: "Fuck you. Literally fuck you. Eat shit. Eat a dick. Go cry about your mom you hack fraud loser. Unless you're going to save me. Otherwise fuck you."

Sephiroth: "At LeASt I hAvE mY DiGnitY as A hUmAn BeInG..."

Hojo: "SURPRISE MOTHERFUCKER."

[little-black-dress-zack-fair]

Reeve: Lazard are you just going to do stupid bullshit for the rest of your life?

Lazard: You mean like, for work? Or, like, in general?

[antoine-roquentin]

When advising on how much to pay for an acquisition, whether and how to begin a hostile takeover or when to bluff during a sale process, what often matter most are things that are impossible to convey via a tiny video-chat rectangle: emotional nuances, body language and subtle social cues. That’s why Wall Street bankers and traders need to get vaccinated if they aren’t already and return to their offices as soon as possible, even as the Delta variant of the coronavirus surges.

In the early 1990s, I watched Harvey Miller, a bankruptcy guru at Weil, Gotshal & Manges, go toe-to-toe in a conference room overlooking Central Park with my boss at Lazard, David Supino, as they divvied up the carcass of the disastrous leveraged buyouts of Federated Department Stores and Allied Stores. The yelling! The robust intellectual debate! The alpha male mind games! The subtle power dynamics of who pounded the table when and who ate off whose plate. Yet their jousting enabled the business — and many others — to get back on its feet.

I learned by studying Mr. Rohatyn, the mergers and acquisitions legend, as he roamed the narrow, threadbare halls of the 32nd floor of 1 Rockefeller Plaza. He wielded his absolute power through a wink or a nod to lesser Lazard partners or ignoring some of them with a stony stare. I learned to watch for those signals closely, as he advised Martin Davis, the head of Paramount Communications, in the sale of Paramount to Viacom’s Sumner Redstone in the early 1990s, a deal that transformed the Hollywood landscape.

By watching my mentors press an advantage or bluff an opponent, I absorbed their deal-making wisdom. There is simply no way that an endless series of video chats could have replaced the lessons I learned darting in and out of the offices of these men and women in Rockefeller Center or at 270 Park Avenue as I was making my way up the investment-banking ladder. (Let’s face it: You can’t suck up on a Zoom call.)

remember, our society is structured around this fucked up game of charades being compensated at a greater rate than the work everybody else does and ensuring the ego stroking, the bullshit artistry, the con man tricks, and the bluster are the most essential part of our economy’s continued functioning

[breezeinmonochromenight]

I like the idea that there were quite a few 1st class soldiers alongside our Holy Trinity but when they left Shinra and went a little coo coo, Shinra decided to put the rest of the 1st class in the underground labs to be experimented on.

Oh GOD. This is really neat but also terrifying lol.

You could actually spin this to legitimately make it work with the universe for FF7.

Like. Say there’s not that many 1sts to begin with. So they’re in high demand to do missions. But after the shitshow with the Big 3, all remaining ones are all deemed failures because it’s just assumed they’ll degrade mentally/physically and cause more trouble. Lazard’s gone too, so it’s not like there’s anyone left to keep SOLDIER out of the hands of (further) corruption.

So ShinRa keeps up face and makes everything seem like everything’s going along like normal. 1sts are just in high demand and you don’t see them that much. And I’m sure you can bullshit reasons why no one is really getting promoted into 1st Class.

But the reality is they’re being shipped off to the labs or Deepground or smth and ShinRa is basically turning a blind eye to Hojo going buck-fucking-wild with the ethics violations.

It’s... on brand... for them, to say the least. Lol.