#learning to be part of your community is very hard! we live in strange times and we are increasingly disconnected from each other!

[violetsandshrikes]

how do you help so many different kinds of people? i have noticed you know about lots of different things and meet lots of different people. i want to do that but i cant figure out how? /gen

A little bit of background is probably needed:

I have had people ask me this before, and honestly I had a little bit of a cheat code. While my life has been filled with a lot of trauma and bad shit, I was raised by a mother from an incredibly leftie family who walked the talk when it came to values and doing the work.

She had a lot of ideas imparted on us from a young age: social and community responsibility, ideas of collectivism, eduction. Even as a poor, trapped young mother, she was believed that many people behaved badly based on ignorance outside their very limited bubble, and that when life became difficult economically or socially, people would immediately point fingers at groups they knew little about or saw as distinctively different in order to have a blameable target.

From about 4-5, outside typical schoolwork, my mother also taught us about the world. This included different conflicts and genocides (which may sound horrific to some people, but basic information and explanation was given, and then it got more in depth with age), different countries and cultures (often she would randomly select a country from a world map, and we would spend a set amount of time learning everything we could about the place, culture, people, etc), different religions (I attended many different types of religious institutes at least once, and my mother often found people willing to talk about their belief system with us), volunteering, etc.

I have definitely had a head start and a lot more guidance than many people, which I am incredibly grateful for. It can also make it difficult to advise though.

Realistically:

Honestly, the two best things you can do if you don’t know where to start are: listen and learn. Find any local group, start participating and volunteering. Listen to the stories of people there. Ask questions. Expose yourself to all sorts of different ideas and opinions.

In the last year, I’ve started doing a little throwback to my childhood. I have a schoolbook, and I choose random topics, and spend a few hours every week learning basic things about it. Choose a country, choose a place, a time in history, a religion, a culture, a people. You don’t have to be a scholar. You just have to expand your horizons.

As you get involved with more things, you will begin to narrow down your core values. This is good: you can’t do everything at once. I would say roughly 2-3 core issues or topics you care about is good (this doesn’t mean that you don’t care about things happening outside it - it just means you don’t spread yourself thin). There’s different things people make their focus: LGBTQ+ issues, BIPOC issues, environmental issues, homelessness, disability, refugee issues, etc. Your core focus will be the ones you feel most passionate about, which is good, because it means you will put in genuine work and care, and you will lower the risk of burning out fast and being of help to no one, including yourself.

You also have to get comfortable with the fact you will never be perfect. You will never be up to date with every idea and practice. There is always something you will need to learn or unlearn. Becoming rigid about being correct all the time will make you more of a menace than a help to any reputable movement or group. You might feel uncomfortable when you realise the gap or misunderstanding you had - that’s normal. Be open to learning and expanding your understanding of things vs burying your head in the stand stubbornly. I say things and then months later I realise that actually, I don’t agree with that anymore, or my understanding has deepened, or changed, or pivoted. This tends to make people feel very bad or uncomfortable, but you have to get to the stage where again, you acknowledge that that’s normal.

[dyns33]

Flufftober 2024 - 29 Eddie Brock / Venom

Y/N had met Vee during a Halloween party.

A little intimidated by the crowd and not knowing anyone, she had stayed in her corner for a good part of it, until this giant with his incredible costume came to talk to her.

It would be a lie to say that she had not found him adorably charming, and she would have liked them to be more than friends, if he had not spent most of the time talking to her about his Eddie.

It was obvious that there was something strong and unique between Vee and this Eddie, even if he did not seem to appreciate him at his true value.

"He never agrees with me… He wants to control everything !" he had sobbed against her shoulder. "He says that I won't even be good at cleaning toilets."

"That's not nice. Maybe this relationship is not very healthy."

"But I love Eddie. He takes care of me and even though he's a stupid loser, he tries a lot. Maybe… Maybe I'm too hard on him."

"It's normal to have expectations from your partner. You need to sit down and communicate, to see what's wrong and find solutions."

"You're right, little morsel ! You're a good friend !"

Obviously very busy, Vee kept in touch with her by calling her almost every night and sending her messages, but never having time to see her.

He used Eddie's phone, while he slept. Before meeting her, Vee had never seen the point of having one, and he contacted her secretly because he found it funny to have a secret all to himself.

"But I'll tell him at some point, because we share everything. We're in symbiosis, we're one."

"That's cute. Do you think he'll be angry ?"

"No. Scared maybe."

"Oh." she wondered. "Is he the jealous type ? He'll be afraid that I'll steal you from him ?"

"I'd rather be afraid that he'll steal you from me, I think he'll love you a lot. And that's why he'll be afraid for you. He'll think I want to eat your brain."

Sometimes she didn't understand everything he said, but she found him funny and considered that he simply had a particular sense of humor.

But after several months of talking to him, he finally ended up running into him while a guy was trying to take her purse in an alley.

Vee jumped from a rooftop, growled at the thief, grabbing him with one hand, before biting his head off. Then he turned to Y/N, smiling.

"Eddie, she's my friend."

"Y/N ?" a voice that seemed to come from inside him asked. "Great, Vee, she's not going to freak out at all because you just killed someone. I already told you to go get some chickens if you were hungry."

"You never let me do anything ! He was mean ! He was attacking my Y/N !"

"Let me talk to her, okay ? So I don't traumatize her more than necessary."

In the end, Venom was an alien, and Eddie his host, a man not as horrible as she had imagined, simply trying to keep his symbiote from doing too much mischief so that they wouldn't be spotted by the government.

They fought often but they couldn't live without each other. Literally for Venom, even if they also loved each other too much to want to be apart.

As he had expected, the human had panicked a bit when he learned that he had a friend, that she didn't really know what he was, and that they were therefore putting her in danger just by talking to her. But Eddie had understood that she was important. He had felt it.

When Vee said that they shared everything, he was dead serious.

"I showed him a picture of you. He got an erection."

"Vee !" Eddie shouted, trying to silence the head floating next to his shoulder. "Shut up ! Those are not things to say ! Excuse him."

"Why ? I like Y/N, and you like her too, and she likes us. Her pheromones don't lie."

"Vee ! You're making everyone uncomfortable, stop."

"See ? He never agrees, he controls everything."

Y/N saw clearly, now understanding many things that had seemed a bit strange to her. She could have run away, but despite this surprising discovery, she really liked Vee, and Eddie seemed as charming as he was.

So she suggested that they spend the next Halloween, all together this time.

[himasgod]

hello!! i saw that requests were still up, and to seize this opportunity... may i request for diasomnia dealing with a merperson s/o? it'll just be interesting seeing them deal with fish... - 🎣 anon

Diasomnia x Mermaid/Merperson!Reader

Headcanons of what a relationship between the Diasomnia boys and a merperson would be like…

Malleus Draconia

For him, having a mermaid partner is something fascinating and unique. He's heard stories about sea creatures, but he never imagined falling in love with one.

He has no problem with the water, but the ocean isn't exactly his favorite habitat. However, for you, he'll learn to swim in the depths without difficulty.

He takes you to explore places on land you may have never seen, like ancient forests and hidden ruins.

If there's an oceanic tradition for engagement, he wants to participate in it.

He finds it adorable when you get excited about seeing rare human objects on land, but he doesn't understand why you're obsessed with forks. (REFERENCE ❗❗)

Lilia tried to explain the reference to him, but he didn't understand.

When you try to teach him how to communicate underwater with songs or ultrasounds, his voice booms so loudly it scares the fish away…

But we all know he sings very well. Thanks, masquerade event 🙏

If you choose to sleep out of the water, he'll use his magic to make sure you're hydrated and comfortable.

Lilia Vanrouge

"Oh, how interesting! It's not every day you meet someone who can breathe underwater~"

He's met merperson in the past, but each one has their own habits. He has a blast discovering yours.

Without warning, he can jump into the water to surprise you. The worst part is that, while it should be difficult for someone his size to move so quickly in the water, Lilia seems to simply defy logic…

He loves to cook for you, but his dishes aren't always suitable for sea dwellers (or anyone, really).

The first time you tried his food, you were sick for two days. Still, he remains convinced that "maybe this time it will taste good."

Sometimes he uses his magic to turn things around: if you have a tail, he'll give you legs for a day, and if he has legs, he sometimes puts on an artificial tail to swim with you.

He finds it very amusing to watch others deal with the problems of him dating someone who lives in the water. Especially Sebek.

"Did you know that mermaids used to seduce sailors in ancient times to sink their ships? I wonder if that's what you did to me~"

He's just joking, but who knows…

Silver

At first, he wasn't sure how the relationship would work, since his world and yours were so different. But that doesn't stop him from wanting to be with you.

If you sleep in the water, Silver will try to stay on the shore to keep an eye on you…

Bro fell asleep on the sand

Sometimes he wakes up in the water because the waves have swept him away. More than once, you've had to pull him out before he floats too far out.

He prefers to swim in lakes or rivers with you rather than in the open ocean. Partly because he doesn't want to lose sight of you, and partly because the salt water gets in his eyes MY POOR BOY 😭😭

He wants to learn to understand the mermaid language, but it's complicated. He hears you sing underwater and sometimes tries to imitate it, though he's not very good at it.

If you teach him how to breathe underwater with the help of a spell, he'll feel strange at first, but he'll love the experience.

Gentle underwater caresses and hugs. Since he moves slower than you in the water, you use him as a floating pillow when you need to rest <3

Sebek Zigvolt

"A MERMAID?! HOW IS IT POSSIBLE THE YOUNG MASTER HAVE A FRIENDSHIP WITH A MERMAID?!"

He doesn't really have anything against you personally… but he's having a hard time accepting it. You have a different culture and different customs, and that baffles him.

So he started watching you every way he could to make sure you didn't do anything strange with Malleus.

It takes a while to get used to it, but he eventually accepts it and becomes a very protective companion.

Bro ended up falling in love with you 💖💖

He doesn't like swimming. Or rather, he doesn't like to admit he's not very good at it. He tries really hard to keep up with you in the water, but sometimes he feels more like a dog splashing around I LOVE HIM

"I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP! I CAN SWIM PERFECTLY WELL!"

Meanwhile malleus magically floating him so he doesn't sink

He gets very excited when he learns about merperson traditions and the importance of music and song. He may not admit it at first, but he enjoys it when you sing to him ❤️‍🩹

"IF A MERPERSON IS GOING TO BE MY BELOVED, THEN I'LL GET STRONGER TO PROTECT THE SEA!"

Suddenly, he has a new personal workout: holding his breath as long as possible to patrol the water with you…

but ends up passing out.

I love him sm please protect him

[innominaterifter]

You can fall madly in love with someone and let them into your heart, but the Worm was there before and will remain forever.

Or

How the Worm saved my friend from a dangerous man.

I'll tell you the story. My friend really loves Worm (who doesn't?) and its sequel Ward. She especially likes Victoria Dallon, aka Antares. It's funny that my friend's name is also Victoria (however, this could also have influenced the emergence of a feeling of kinship with the character).

Some time ago, my friend started to communicate less often, started skipping workouts, and I asked her if everything was okay.

She said that everything was fine. She just had a crush on a guy and was trying to spend more time with him. It was weird because it was so different from her usual attitude towards training (she hadn't had this with her other crushes). We talked a little more, and I found her general behavior strange and out of character.

I made the assumption that if nothing had changed in her life except for the appearance of this person, then he was the reason for the change in her behavior. I decided to observe the development of events, maintaining contact and not expressing my suspicions so as not to cause rejection.

I managed to learn more about this guy and even keep an eye on him at a meeting with a friend and mutual acquaintances. Overall, I had enough red flags to confidently identify his behavior as abusive and dangerous.

I decided to talk to my friend about it. I made a list of red flags that I noticed in him and uncharacteristic behavior patterns in her. I also prepared a list of red flags that are characteristic of abusive behavior and signs of the abuser's influence on the victim's behavior. And I highlighted the points that matched in both lists (and there were a lot of them!).

I was confident that I had crafted my message well. I had made a point of eliminating anything that could be perceived as bias or attacks on him. There was no bias in the message, no insults to this person, and no subjective interpretations. There were only and exclusively facts and a list of abusive behaviors for cross comparison.

Well...

I clearly didn't expect such a reaction from her. There were a lot of emotions, a lot of resentment, a lot of hurtful words addressed to me and the desire to stop communicating with me expressed at the end.

I didn't have time to answer before she blocked me. And literally, 5 minutes later, a message came from her boyfriend, where he wrote that he didn't want me to communicate with his girlfriend, that I was toxic, paranoid, and generally crazy. Well, and some other very personal things that I said to my friend, but not to him.

This hit me hard. I felt total injustice, ingratitude and betrayal towards myself. I won't describe my thoughts here, but besides everything else, there was strong anger and a desire to hurt both him and her in return. But then the skills of self-observation and self-control kicked in, I exhaled and took a break.

As a result, I decided to try to reach my friend again. But even just contacting her turned out to be a difficult task: she banned me everywhere, didn’t come to training, and I didn’t want to pass it on through a third party, as this could cause even more rejection on her part.

I knew where she lived and could have just approached her on the street. But I figured that might be perceived as stalking, which would certainly not endear her to my words.

Moreover, it turned out that her boyfriend now lives with her, and she practically never appears anywhere without his accompaniment.

I considered the option of targeting him instead of her but decided to leave it as Plan B.

I decided to leave a message for her in one of the places she visited on her own, without that guy. One of those places was a cafe she went to when she needed to work on her laptop. She had mentioned that cafe in a conversation once, and I decided to check if she still went there. As it turned out, she did. But now that guy was coming there with her and coming back for her when she needed to leave.

I decided to give her a note through the barista and asked they to do it only when she was alone, without her boyfriend. The barista looked at me and asked only one question: "Is it that bad?" I answered: "I'm sure it is, but I think she can handle it. She's really smart and strong."

I thought for a long time about what to write in the note. It was actually a difficult question because what seemed to me to be the ideal and logical choice did not work. Moreover, it caused rejection and a break in contacts.

I was also sure that her boyfriend had done his best to destroy her connections with her friends, creating a prejudice against any criticism that anyone might say about him and the destructiveness of their relationship.

Thus, any message from me, any of my arguments, thoughts, and attempts will initially be perceived by her as coming from a hostile object. So what should I do in this situation? Well, I had an idea.

To get past these defense protocols, I needed to reach out through something that wasn't marked as hostile to her. Something she loved, liked, and trusted. Something that made her feel warm inside.

At the same time, something that would help her to turn to those qualities of hers that she needs in this situation: reason, analysis, and logic.

And I knew what it could be.

I composed the message based on this. The message was not long; I was afraid that she might stop reading as soon as she realized that it was from me. So I had to compress the whole meaning into just a couple of lines so that they would have time to penetrate her mind at a glance. Such a nam-shub, you know.

Also, when I handed the note to the barista, I dressed differently than usual so that my friend wouldn’t immediately understand who the note was from if she asked the barista who gave it to them.

I am not a fan of strict style, I almost never wear it, and that is why I decided to use it in this situation. I have one black suit with a white dress shirt and a black tie.

To make my hair less noticeable, I pulled it up into a ponytail and used contact lenses instead of glasses. When I looked at myself in the mirror before heading out, I realized that this look needed one important detail to be complete. I'll be honest, I was giggling while adding this detail.

I came to the cafe, had that conversation with the barista that I mentioned above, left a note, and left the establishment. I had an idea to stay and watch from the side, but firstly, I didn’t know when exactly my friend would be there, and secondly, there was a risk that she would see me and recognize me. And hanging around on the street, staring at the cafe window - that’s a bit too much, don’t you think?

So I left, crossing my fingers and hoping for the best.

Four days have passed since then, and guess what? Today my friend called me! Her voice sounded muffled and nervous, but how happy I was to hear her!

She said a little, literally it was "Um, hi, it's me... I know I was rude to you, and I'm really sorry, but... maybe we could meet and talk? There's really some shit going on."

Of course I said yes, we will see each other soon and I hope everything will be ok.

P.S. What was in the note? Literally, these lines:

“Follow the protocols,” he said.  “You’re compromised.  You know you just interacted with a strong Master.  Your team’s at stake.  Master stranger protocols.”

— Ward, Gleaming – 9.3

Vicky, you are actually in contact with a strong Master. Use the protocols, please. I am available at any time."

[queerprayers]

i've grown up in quite a secular family, never went to church etc, and only in the past couple of years started celebrating serbian orthodox christmas with my mum where we attend part of the christmas eve mass. i want to get to know christianity a little better, and i know ur lutheran and not orthodox but i was wondering if u have any tips for just. starting somewehere? it feels very strange to sit down and think "Im Going To Pray" when ive neither done it nor seen anyone do it before, but i want to explore a bit, if that makes sense. your blog is very nice and calming i feel like you might have some insight :)

Welcome, beloved!

Prayer is quite strange sometimes and Sitting Down and Doing It does not come easily to most, especially if you didn't grow up doing that. I'm honored to be asked and I have a few thoughts.

At some point as a kid I was taught the acronym ACTS—Adoration, Confession, Thanksgiving, Supplication. I was told a prayer should contain these elements. And I don't technically disagree; I think those are all good necessary things. If you want a formula, there's a formula. But I always found "I pray because I can't help myself. I pray because I'm helpless. I pray because the need flows out of me all the time- waking and sleeping" a much more real description of prayer.

We're told to pray always, without ceasing—prayer is something to bring with us. It is to be in relation with the God who is Love, who knows our suffering, and who hears. To pray is to be heard—and to listen in return, even if what we receive may be holy silence. 

Mass is a prayer, one the Church does together. Liturgy is where I learned most of the prayers I say, where I first chanted the psalms. I learned to read in church. Even once a year, it shows us many parts of prayer—it fulfills the acronym, sure, but attending services has shown me that prayer can be somber, joyful, certain, wondering, penitent, musical, silent. We can also think of things prayer can be that we don't want to replicate—Jesus talks about hypocritical ways of praying, of calling attention to oneself, of "heaping up empty phrases."

It doesn't always look like Sitting Down. There are not always words. I sit down (or lie down, depending) and pray at certain times—this was a hard-won habit, that still doesn't come easy—but it's easier for me to use my own words in the woods.. You can be anywhere, and be doing anything. You don't have to commit to a form—do it a little bit differently each time. Ask a question. Confess something. Picture someone you love in your mind, and feel that love. Look at each person on the subway and wish something for them. Set a timer on your phone to spend five minutes tentatively thinking about God—this is a prayer that can be more deeply felt than all the books in the world.

Whatever strangeness or embarrassment there is in addressing an unseen being, in coming to the Universe with your one quiet voice, it is the strange embarrassment of caring, of attempting what seems impossible, of being earnest about this whole being alive thing. The uncertainty of a new relationship, the doubt of whether it all matters, the unfamiliarity of learning a new skill. But you can do strange things, new things, vulnerable things. Love is continuing movement, and each step takes more bravery. You need communication with Love to live in it. 

Of course there are countless people who do not purposefully pray and yet show more love than I could ever hope to. God has met many, and sustained many, without their ever asking, sometimes without them ever knowing his name. But the asking is another kind of love, and I am one of the many who devote myself to even slight knowledge of his face. You have all you need to join me—because you have God.

The need that flows out of you, all the time—the draw you feel to start—is a prayer already. Really, there is no start—only a joining of a current already in motion. A dipping into a well that never runs dry. Others have the words, if you don't. I learn the psalms because, for all my poetry, I can't say it all, and never as perfectly as they do—and because it's a connection with centuries of voices. The practicing of the divine hours is another connection.

But really, putting aside the walks in the woods and the going to church more and the acronyms and the metaphors—how do you pray on purpose? Ultimately, there is no better answer than the one Jesus gave: Go into your room, shut the door, and (without an earthly audience, without looking a certain way or believing a certain thing) pray to the secret, listening God, in whatever language/version you have,

Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, forever and ever, Amen.

You've never done it or seen it before, sure, but it's built into you, to need this. Once you've done it, you will have seen it. Once you've seen it, I expect you'll realize you have done it before, without noticing. You don't have the words, so they have been given to you. You don't have to believe wholeheartedly each word—that comes later for those of us who grow up in it, and it can come later for you, too. Start in the somewhere you have been placed. 

The first thing we learn how to ask for as babies is the result of every prayer: being heard. So cry out.

<3 Johanna

[bigmpregnm]

Movie Night - Part 2

[Story Collection] | [Part 1] [●] [Part 3]

With a playful smile, Hunter nodded, and I helped him take the apron off. I loved seeing his big body in its full glory, and with each passing day, there was more of him to admire. Taking the bowl of popcorn from his hands, I grabbed his hand to lead him to our dining table. On our way there, I started taking my shirt off, and even though Hunter was behind me and I couldn’t see his face, I could feel his lust and desire for my muscles.

Things between us had been developing strangely nicely. We were only friends, or at least, that’s what we told ourselves. Part of me had considered making it official because it was clear we were more than just friends. However, a part of me still wanted to remain friends with Hunter. It wasn’t that I didn’t want him, but rather, I wanted to avoid complicating our friendship.

“Ryan, slow down. I’m kinda heavy, and I can barely keep up with your pace,” Hunter said, and I excitedly turned back to him. The fact that a short walk inside our apartment was a challenging task for him was a major turn-on for me.

“Sorry buddy, you know I get kinda excited about movie night, and I want you to see all the food I brought for you… I mean, for us,” I replied as Hunter placed his free hand on his lower back, making his big belly stick out even farther in front of him.

“Yeah, right. We both know I’ll end up eating most, if not all, of it,” Hunter laughed, and I smiled at him. He already knew how much I loved it when he surrendered to my desires, which aligned perfectly with his constant hunger and unstoppable growth.

Just a few steps ahead of us, the dining table was full of bags of food. I knew Hunter’s favorites very well, so I always brought the things that would make him eat the most. He had a special liking for cheeseburgers and french fries, so I had a few dozen burgers and tons of fries for both of us. Apart from that, some donuts for dessert since the sweets always got him in the mood for some wild sex. It was strange, but I knew better than to deny him what he wanted.

I took part of the food out and placed it on the table for him to see the amount I wanted him to eat. I showed him the burgers, french fries, and donuts, and I could see his eyes shining bright in excitement. He rubbed his belly in anticipation of what was about to come. He came closer to me, and even with his big belly in the way, he kissed my cheek. He always did that to say thank you. I had already learned his nonverbal ways to communicate, so I knew he was super excited.

“What do you say if you sit on the couch, and I’ll bring this all for us to enjoy? I’ll let you pick the movie if you promise me all this food will be gone before the movie finishes,” I said and winked at him, already knowing what he would answer.

“You have a deal, mister,” he kissed my cheek again, and he started waddling to our living room. It still felt somewhat strange when he kissed me or when I kissed him, but it felt nice at the same time. I guess we weren’t only friends after all.

I couldn’t take my eyes off his ass as he walked away. I couldn’t help but get hard whenever we played this horny game, which was happening quite frequently. My cock got hard as Hunter waddled away, prompting me to take my clothes off, and my cock was finally able to stand at full mast. I sighed in relief.

Some specific aspects of Hunter’s appearance were turning me on a lot, and the more I looked at him, the more I convinced myself that it would be a super special night. I noticed that Hunter’s waddling was more pronounced than ever before, or perhaps it was due to his undeniably wider hips. It was clear he couldn’t walk normally, but given the size and weight of his big belly and his huge ass, it was to be expected. It was just a result of his heavy body being so… heavy.

Part of me wanted to skip the movie and the food and jump straight to fucking him because another detail caught my attention and turned me on even more. With each step he took, a soft moan escaped his mouth, and I was sure he didn’t even notice. It was like his own body was shouting out, both to him and to me, that he was getting way too big. Those moans, however, sounded so sexy that I could barely contain myself.

“Don’t leave me waiting for too long. I’m starving,” Hunter said as he reached the couch and plopped down heavily. I loved when he did that because it proved that he couldn’t handle how heavy he was getting.

“I’m on my way, big guy,” I replied, grabbing the bags of burgers and bringing them over to the couch.

Hunter was frantically rubbing his belly, but his face showed some discomfort. Considering his size and the amount of food I knew he had eaten, it was to be expected. However, I couldn’t help but get a little bit concerned when I handed him the bags of french fries, and suddenly, Hunter gritted his teeth. He was almost clutching his belly, and his breathing showed he felt some pain. Even then, he forced a weak smile to reassure me that he was okay.

“Told you. I’ve been having cramps all day, but they come and go suddenly. I’ll be alright,” Hunter said as the cramp passed, and he tried to get comfortable again. I nodded in response, but deep down, I knew the cramps weren’t that normal.

“If you say so, but if you’re too full, we can leave all the food for tomorrow,” I replied as I sat beside him on the couch. He smiled at me and, without saying a word, took a burger out of the bag and quickly unwrapped it. I smiled as he took a big bite of the burger and chewed with evident starve. The burger was gone in just a few seconds as he rubbed his tight belly.

I looked at his midsection for a while and noticed it was heaving up and down more than ever before. It was strange but so wonderful that I couldn’t stop looking at it. The more I looked at it, the more it looked like it moved. Hunter had been complaining about an annoying gas problem for a few months, so I thought the movement was related to that.

Hunter took another burger out of the bag and used the remote to search for a movie while devouring the second burger like it was nothing. With one hand busy with the remote and the other with the burger, I reached for his big belly to rub it. I was amazed by the sensation of his skin under my palm, which had stretched unbelievably taut over the past few months. What surprised me the most was that it didn’t matter how full and bloated Hunter looked; he always wanted more.

While I rubbed his belly and he kept eating burger after burger, accompanied by some french fries, memories of a special night flooded my mind. After the first time we had sex, the two of us didn’t do it again for 4 months. Even though we hadn’t fucked again after that night, we were already getting closer because we rarely wore clothes in front of each other.

On that particular night, when I arrived home from work, I found Hunter looking at his reflection in a full-length mirror he had in his bedroom. He stood sideways in front of the mirror, proudly holding his belly. While I had noticed his weight gain, it was only at that moment that I finally realized how big he was getting. His once-defined abs were gone, replaced by a round belly that made him look incredibly hot. He was completely entranced in his self-reflection while holding his belly, so he didn’t notice I was getting closer until I was right behind him, with my bulge pressing against his ass. I made sure he could feel my hard cock.

Hunter couldn’t contain a soft moan as we both rubbed his belly. It was getting pretty round, and I was amazed because it was getting so firm. While most of his body was getting fatter, which meant it was softer, his belly was different. My hands traveled up to caress Hunter’s pecs, which felt fuller than before. As soon as my hands touched around his nipples, he let out a deep gasp. He said that his nipples were really sensitive and unable to contain myself, I continued teasing his chest to hear him gasp and moan some more. Those sounds were like music to my ears.

As I continued to caress Hunter’s soft pecs, his hands remained on his belly, rubbing it in big circles. I was getting really horny, and Hunter was panting. Part of my mind was shouting that we were just friends and what we were doing wasn’t right. However, the more Hunter moaned and gasped, the more my horny thoughts took over me, making me long for more. Then, three words escaped Hunter’s mouth, igniting new levels of lust within me.

“Please, fuck me,” he said, and in a blink, my clothes were off. We moved to his bed, where he lay on his back, and I positioned myself on top of him. He looked so hot. His thicker body was perfect, and as I passionately and vigorously fucked him that night, I realized our friendship would never be the same again. That second time was even better than the first, and it initiated a new stage in our friendship because we started fucking frequently.

I smiled as I remembered that fantastic night when we had multiple rounds of the most mind-blowing sex I had ever experienced. Hunter was so hot back then, but now, sitting next to him on the couch, witnessing how much bigger he had gotten, I could only think about fucking him over and over again. However, my fantasy was cut when I felt a strong movement coming from his belly, making Hunter groan in discomfort.

I looked at him in concern, and even though the movement had been strong, Hunter continued eating as if nothing had happened. His flushed face and loud groans evidenced he had felt the movement, but he acted as if it was normal. Hunter was breathing heavily and constantly readjusting his heavy body on the couch, clearly uncomfortable. I knew something was wrong, but I remained silent because he acted like everything was fine.

“Buddy, what about an old comedy? Have you ever seen ‘Junior’ with Arnold Schwarzenegger? It’s a great move,” He suggested, pressing play. I wasn’t very familiar with that film, but I knew what it was about, and I could never resist a big man with a belly.

“Sure, sounds good,” I replied, but my eyes remained fixed on Hunter’s body instead of the TV. “Dude, are you okay? You look uncomfortable,” I asked as Hunter grabbed a handful of french fries and brought them to his mouth. I loved watching him fill his mouth to the brim, so I could only smile as he chewed and swallowed.

“I’m fine. I’m just really full, but I’m so hungry at the same t…” He was interrupted by his belly shaking violently again, and this time, Hunter couldn’t pretend to be good. He gritted his teeth again and clutched his belly while my hand was still on it. It felt strange because it wasn’t just movement from within but his skin suddenly getting so incredibly taut that I feared it would tear.

“Hunter, are you okay? Hey… talk to me,” I said as his tense body slowly relaxed. Hunter was sweating and as red as a tomato. I knew something was wrong, and as horny as I was, I knew our plans for the night were over. “I’ll call 911. Hold on for a second,” I added, attempting to stand up and get my phone, but he grabbed my hand and made me stay.

“No, no. I’m fine. It was just a really strong cramp. Just stay by my side. The belly rubs felt great, and if you could give my pecs a good massage, I’d appreciate it,” Hunter said as he leaned back again and caught his breath. He just took another burger and bit into it like he hadn’t eaten in days.

I was speechless because even though I knew something wasn’t right, he kept eating like nothing had happened. His face showed a lot of discomfort, and his belly was still shaking, not that hard, though. He smiled weakly at me, and even though I was concerned, I obeyed him and got my hand on his pecs. They felt incredibly full and plump. They had been soft and kinda saggy when he started gaining weight, but now they felt plump and full. It was a weird feeling, just like his belly, but I loved to massage his big pecs.

“Hunter, maybe we should just go to bed. You don’t have to eat this all,” I said, and he rolled his eyes.

“I’m fine. Also, there’s only one burger left. I finished the fries too, so you better get those donuts ready for me, big stud,” Hunter said, sounding really cool about everything but sweating even more than before. His breathing was getting heavy again. I continued massaging his pecs, occasionally teasing his nipples. I knew he loved whenever I played with his nipples, and despite my concern for him, I really wanted him to enjoy my touching.

Hunter finally finished devouring the 36th burger a few seconds later, and his belly looked so incredibly round and full that I wondered how it hadn’t exploded yet. His skin glistened from being stretched so tightly. It was drum-tight. Hunter lovingly caressed his huge belly as if he was enamored by its size. I also loved his belly, but there seemed to be a peculiar connection between the belly and his mind. It was a bit strange.

I was so entranced by Hunter’s huge belly that I didn’t notice my hand was getting moist. Initially, I thought it was sweat, but looking at my hand, I realized it was coated in a white liquid, which was definitely not sweat. When I looked at Hunter’s pecs, I noticed the white liquid was oozing from his nipples. I knew Hunter was a man, but I would’ve sworn he was lactating. 

“Hunter, what’s… what’s that?” I asked, a little bit scared.

“What? Haven’t you seen…” He was abruptly interrupted by his belly violently contracting, and this time, it made Hunter scream in pain. I was scared, and it all got worse when I felt the couch beneath us getting wet. I thought Hunter had peed right there, which was not a good sign. I wanted to stand up and get my phone, but Hunter held my hand so tightly that I couldn’t move. Then, I looked up at the TV and saw Arnold Schwarzenegger holding his own belly. That image triggered memories from the past few months, making me realize what was happening.

It wasn’t supposed to be possible, but it all matched. I looked at Hunter and saw that he was still in immense pain, unable to speak. I looked at his pecs, and I realized he was indeed lactating. It wasn’t sweat. Then, I looked at his belly and knew that the movement was caused by a baby, or babies if the size of Hunter’s belly was any indication. And the wetness on the couch… it was his water breaking.

“Hunter, you’ll say I’m crazy, but I think you’re in labor,” I managed to say as Hunter screamed out in pain once again, indicating his contractions were one on top of each other. Our movie night had become a very special one.

...

[satureja13]

The Boys told Dayn about their issues to repair the ship and he was wondering why they just didn't ask Lenny. Saiwa: "Eh, we cant understand him?" Dayn: "But he could have shown you. Like this: Lenny, where did you break the communication system?" Lenny pointed his little paw towards the stern of the ship. Dayn: "See?" Saiwa: "We didn't know that was a thing ^^' " Dayn cuddled Lenny: "Aouww, he's so shy and cute!" Well, Lenny wasn't all that 'shy and cute' when he crashed and rumbled through the ventilation shafts and scared them to death and destroyed the ship...

Vlad and Jack went back to duty at the bridge and the others followed Dayn and Lenny to the ship's stern. Where they found another engine room they hadn't even noticed before...

Dayn: "It's here? Oh my, poor boy! You must have been so afraid when you hid back here!" The Boys almost felt bad, but just almost. They haven't forgotten yet how they cowered at the bridge in fear - for days!

Dayn collected a few parts together from Great A'Tuin's storage and his own ship and started the repairs. Jeb watched him eagerly so he could learn from him. Dayn: "So this is just an interim solution. I hope it will last until you reach the nearest outpost to replace the broken parts. I'll message the owner you're on your way and if you should get lost, he's going to search for you." Jeb: "Thank you so much. So, what is the purpose of this second engine room?" Dayn: "This is mainly for cooling the engines and devices. A strange coincidence though, that Lenny ended up here destroying the only parts here that are crucial for communication and routefinding..." Lenny looked aside. He might have had his reasons? ö.Ö'

Dayn kept rambling on: "... and what did we have a ball back here! The cooling water in the bassin is very clean. Like almost all the water on the ship it runs through a reprocessing cycle. Yeah, and we used it as a hot tub and had quite the fun, if you know what I mean! ^^' " Well, at least Ji Ho and Kiyoshi know what it means to have a ball in a hot tub ^^' (Ji Ho even three times! 1 - 2 - 3) The last pic doesn't look like they're really having a ball. That was before their first woohoo and they'd been so nervous!)

Ji Ho and Kiyoshi are still reliving their former hot tub experiences, while Saiwa is plotting his first - with Jeb :3 (Their faces!) And poor Jeb didn't get it or he's just too shy to respond ^^' He's still peppering Dayn with questions about the devices of the ship and how to handle them so he can brief Jack what he'd learned. (That's important too!)

And after Dayn finished, they invited him over to have a hot cocoa. But no matter how hard they tried, the tray didn't produce any mugs... So they talked about their adventures instead. Dayn, from when he was part of the Sixam Away Team and they explored a meteorite crash scene and the Boys chimed in because they also found a meteorite crash scene in Selvadorada! Kiyoshi went silent. He wasn't with them then. That was when he lived in the tree... He'd missed out so much because he'd been so busy all the time. Fullfilling his duties for the Resistance and the Council. He's determined to make it up to Jack and the others. This time, he won't fail them again. The decades in the tree reformed him. Jeb looked lovingly at his best friend <3 He's glad it all turned out so well in the end - well, at least until now. Kiyoshi is back together with them for almost a year now and he and Jack are slowly figuring out their fated-mates-thing.

Eventually, Vlad was able to pour some cocoa for them! (Turned out that it can't be served while sitting? -.-)

Dayn also tought them some basic words/meowls in Lenny's language, so they'll have less misunderstandings ^^' He also already messaged Albaleyh and the Kids about Lenny's whereabouts. Seon Mi and Joon Gi are still sad he left. But they are happy he's helping the Boys out to rescue their father. For them this is the turning point and they are positive it'll work out now :3 And they are finally eating again.

Vlad and Jack sat at the bridge and drank their cocoa. Having a break and cherishing the silence after all the commotion. Experiencing thrilling space adventures really isn't as fun as in the movies...

The Little Goats Sartyrs ogled them from their meadow in the cargo bay below. Little Goat: 'That hot tub basin thing will provide so much fun!' Little Goat: 'Ikr! I wonder which couple will explore it first!?' Little Goat: 'Let's place bets!'

What will await them on their odyssey through the galaxy? Stay tuned and find out in the following episodes of

Star Trek - The Original Series Theme (What I was going for starts at 0:29. I didn't find a clip without the intro ^^')

'Space: the final frontier. These are the voyages of the starship Enterprise. Its five-year mission: to explore strange new worlds; to seek out new life and new civilizations; to boldly go where no man has gone before!'

From the Beginning 🔱 Underwater Love 🔱 Latest

Current Chapter: starts ▶️ here Last Chapter: 'Here comes the Sun' from the beginning ▶️ here

📚 Previous Chapters: Chapters: 1-6 ~ 7-12 ~ 13-16 ~ 23-29

[marleykay]

I hope I haven't been bothering you with my asks and comments. I just find your readings in particular fascinating. They're distinct from others I've seen.

Would you be willing to share about his Divine Counter part? I know a karmic has tried to come in between them, but I'm a sucker for a good love story. And seeing multiple readers speak about her on a few different platforms and how even one reader on YouTube said they would have a romance of a life. It makes a romantic like me root for them.

I've seen a few different readers say she is intuitive and part of the spiritual community. Do you agree?

Will we ever see her?

I am unsure I have anything new or interesting that has not already been said.

A karmic has tried to come between them, and this has been a karmic cycle that's lasted lifetimes. It doesn't feel like the first time this happened for this divine pair. They've experienced similar events in past lives. They've always had to fight to be together. And sometimes they've failed.

Divine counterpart is just a fluffy phrase for a high-level soulmate that's always romantic in nature. People have multiple soulmates, but they aren't always romantic. Your best friend who is your ride and die, who always seems to get you. They are your soulmate because you come from the same soul family. A divine counterpart is technically a soulmate because you also have merged enough and become part of the same soul family, but there is just a slight difference. So it gets a different title.

Divine counterpart energy will always affect the other. It does not matter how separate they are. Henry and his DC in this lifetime could decide to not unite but their energies will still affect the other. Its just the way of it. They share a very strong, high-level connection.

I feel like his DC went through a period of transformation. I'm seeing roses bloom, which is my symbol of someone blossoming quite literally and transforming while embracing their true beauty.

Her frequency has heightened. That alone could have triggered feelings or occurances in his life in order for him to catch up because he was falling behind. I've seen and worked with a few divine pairings, and I have found this is common. So even while apart, they still manage to influence the other on a frequency level.

We each come into this life with a divine plan. A soul contract.

That means Henry decided before incarnating this lifetime what he wanted to experience, learn, and achieve. He chose to be famous. It's in his astrological chart. Our astrology chart is our soul contract. You can derive the plan from it. Who knows why he chose to be famous. Only his higher self knows and can share why he chose to experience fame. What he wanted to learn from it. Maybe it also served the purpose of putting him in the open so it was easier for his psychic military to find him.

Because I'm seeing him and his counterpart trying to snap a wheel. It's a big part of why they're here. It also feels like tired of having to keep fighting the same fight over and over. Trying different avenues to break the karmic cycle.

I feel like their union this lifetime, is almost strange. Not in a bad way. But just with how Source has worked around and with them. I feel like if they shared their love story and how things played out and were 100% truthful, people would have an element of disbelief. It would be hard to comprehend because it has that otherworldly quality. That's the impression I feel from it. But I feel it happened in order to help them do what they set out to do and snap the wheel. I couldn't tell you if they've succeeded. The story hasn't ended. But I will say if they don't succeed, they will just have to come back and do it over again. If you don't achieve your soul contract, you have to come back and try again. The contract is your deal and promise to the universe.

I'm also being told she had to be given time to catch up to him. I do feel she has lived and learned many life lessons. A lot in a short amount of time. She had to be given time to process and integrate them. This was preordained. She chose to do that. In order to learn and help her achieve what she wanted in this life. Because of this alone, I will say there is an age difference. I could not tell you how much of one. It could be 3 years, it could be 12. But I do know there is one in order for her to have time before they came into union. I do not know which direction the difference is. Older or younger.

I don't mean to offend anyone and I will explain myself.

But I feel like DC and NV have similarities. Let me explain.

I feel like they both have experienced toxic childhoods where there was a lot of instability, and they both had to fight for what they needed. But these experiences turned NV cold and hard. There's been damage to the psyche. She grew up money hungry, dreaming of glamor, and the attention of stardom. She turned out to be a very unpleasant person.

Whereas these experiences for DC taught her humility, compassion, and kindness. She didn't let these experiences turn her hard and cold. She could have, but they didn't because at the core of her being, her soul essence, they're polar opposites. Night and day.

I do wonder and speculate that this was intentional on the karmics end. The karmic has been following them for lifetimes. It has learned them.

I also feel DC wants a partner who is strong and deep in their masculine energy. That means she wants someone who she can rely on to guide, lead and protect. Those are natural qualities of masculine energy. I'm being told she wants to be able to fall into her feminine energy. She wants to be soft and nurturing. She doesn't want to be the one having to lead anymore. I'm being told she feels has has been in her own masculine energy too long and she wants to step back and be allowed to be in her feminine.

And by masculine energy, I don't mean a big tough alpha male. A man can still be quiet and compassionate but firmly rooted in their masculine. Where they will lead and support their partner and families. Where they will protect and provide. And in turn, the feminine energy will nurture.

This is how I interpret it. Research the difference between masculine and feminine energies, and it will make sense. I'm already going on a tangent. The are terms I regularly use, so that's how I see it. Others might be wondering what am I going on about.

I couldn't tell you how their love story will end. Henry doesn't want his feelings and thoughts on the matter known.

I do feel like the door is still open. It's up to them with free will. Yay or nay. They can still find contentment with others. Doesn't mean it would be the end of the world for them if they decide not to. But I do think they're soul contracted, and I do think that would just mean there was a failure, and they would have to come back and try again. Take 2! Or 15! Whatever try they're on. Because if they sat down and broke it down, they would probably realize they share a lot of the same dreams and goals....because they came into life to achieve them together.

I will say, as someone who is being or trying to be, in her feminine, they don't pursue. They like to be pursued. It's not even a traditional thing or whatever society thing people sat. Masculine people like to be the ones to pursue. They like it. They enjoy it. In turn, the feminine also enjoys it. It's energy. You see it in the animal kingdom. Male birds put on a show for the females. Male deers bellowing and making their mating calls for does. Animals are connected to energy easier than us. They don't have the ego getting in the way. So, based on what I've been told, she will be the one who wants to be pursued. I don't know if she is even aware of it consciously or if she's "just letting love find me". I want to say she will not react well to groveling. I've had people comment that to me. That he would need and should beg for forgiveness from her. I think she would lose respect if he did that. The feelings and impressions I get are that she wants someone who stands strong. Who has a mind of his own. That holds himself with dignity. I think if he went sniveling and begging for forgiveness, it would be an ick for her. As long as he expressed genuine accountability, that would be enough. And I can already hear the comments saying well he hadn't seemed to stand strong before. And I think that did raise red flags. He will probably have to take that into consideration. I do feel like she has specifications in what she's looking for in a mate but I also will say he can be it.

I also don't want to say their lives revolve around each other. They did also come in with separate life purposes and lessons. They are still individuals who want to learn their own things.

I'm trusting I'm saying all this for a reason. It was not planned.

Henry is going to shut away and retreat. He is going to be hush-hush about his private life. So I will say you seeing DC if they manage to come into union will be unlikely. She feels like a private individual. So she wouldn't be putting herself out there. As for being in the spiritual community, I do agree. I do feel like there are lineage gifts. I feel a strong connection with the divine. And maybe that is helping her sense of calm and her letting go. I am not saying she is letting him go but just control of the situation and trusting Source will deliver what it deems best. She's letting go and believing in her protection. She's not fighting or chasing, but just letting it find her.

I hope I explained it all well enough. I sometimes get on tangents and forget to expand because I already understand and know. Have to remember not everyone speaks my language lol.

[ceilidho]

Hi, really strange question, so feel free to ignore, but how do you deal with the constant surge of content - art, really. You seem to be a generally more well known/viewed blog, and so I'm sure you've developed quite a community on here, whether it be people you know or interactions with other artists. And I've been following you for quite some time, and I always get excited when I see the "updated now" for your blog. But (here is my actual question), do you ever get overwhelmed knowing that you can't read/see/experience everything? I'm very new to social media, and online spaces in general, and it's generated this fear in me that if I don't keep up with what has been posted by those I follow, I am now suddenly lost. Missing a piece of what should have been catalogued in my mental history. Fanfiction has become such a relief in my life now, and I've gained this new appreciation for human creativity and the beauty of sharing yourself in your art. But I am constantly left wondering that if I miss something, will I also miss an opportunity. I love learning more, and reading, and viewing; appreciating beauty in this lifetime, but I don't know how to combat the overwhelming feeling when I cannot keep up with those who I admire, what's left of me, simply as a viewer?

Oh absolutely!!!! I wrote about this in another post around the traditional publishing industry in general and this overwhelming sense of FOMO that’s super evident in both readers and writers (for readers, that they won’t be part of the current discourse and won’t be part of the reading community, and for writers that they won’t keep up with demand and lose their reader base to other more prolific writers or just to new trends in general because to be honest, the constant microtrends in the book community are hard to keep up with even if you are a relatively fast writer).

I think I’m lucky that for some reason I tend to write very fast - I have a solid backlist of ideas, when I do sit down to write it tends to all come out at once, I (fingers crossed) haven’t dealt with a really bad bout of writers block in awhile - but yeah even I sometimes have moments where I feel guilty that I’m not writing enough. I think it’s super easy to feel like people are simply going to forget about you if you take any time off or if you start a multi chaptered fic and it takes you awhile to finish it.

And I won’t lie, sometimes that pressure isn’t just imagined! Most people that leave comments like “more people!” “Part 2??” “I need more of this!!” are simply expressing their love and I understand that, like I’m not completely insensitive to that (some creators tend to take it very very personally and I understand that too but I think we all have to have a little bit of grace and understanding and give each other the benefit of the doubt), but I will say that I have gotten some seriously rude comments before about taking too long to finish a fic. There is a grain of truth to the fear that some readers will lose their patience with you for simply taking your time to write.

I experience this more as a “creator” rather than a reader (tbh I don’t feel much guilt about not being able to keep up with what my mutuals are posting because I know it’s always there for me when I’m ready) - although actually now that I’m saying this, I take that back. I do sometimes feel very very guilty when I don’t have time to get into a friend’s fic. Oh wow yeah that was a huge lie, I DEFINITELY have felt extremely guilty before about not having enough time to read someone’s fic and feeling like I’m letting them down in some way and not adequately supporting them. Yikes. Goes to show ya.

I am hoping that as more and more people become aware of this that people will start appreciating slowness and ephemerality - taking your time to read or write something, starting incomplete fics just to appreciate them even if they’re short lived or never completed, forgiving yourself for not being able to read everything or write everything right now and realizing that you’ll get to it when you get to it. It’s easier said than done and I do feel guilty sometimes about perpetuating this by being a very fast writer, but yeah! Unfortunately it’s sort of on each of us to do this since the very medium of social media demands instant gratification - tumblr and ao3 (the latter by virtue of being an archive) are perhaps the least egregious of them, but it’s definitely in the nature of social media to induce this kind of behaviour.

[shannonsketches]

I think something that I like about Goku and why I defend Goku's increasing societal detachment so much is that I think it's something I witness a lot in both myself and other creatives, especially in professional fields.

I'm a professional story artist, I've wanted to work in comics and animation for as long as I've been alive, and that has made me very Strange in terms of what people in non-creative fields think I should want/like/be interested in my age (at any age). I remember in my 20s I was talking to my niece about a show she was into, that I really liked as well, and she told me she liked talking to me because I was like a big kid (HIGH compliment from a 10 year old). Her hype is not shared by the elders aklsdaj

My older family members think that it's really weird that I care about cartoons and comics and animated film as much as I do, and have joked that they hope it pans out so I never have to get a "real" job. The fact that I am aroace and have no interest in dating, marrying, or having children also lends itself to the idea that I'm somehow naive and childish. But the fact is, I'm a perfectly capable, independent adult happily living on my own, and my applied skillset in my field is pretty damn good.

Everyone around me in non-creative spaces keeps expecting I'll grow up eventually. But this is me grown up. I'm still learning and growing, obviously, I'll be doing that for the rest of my life, but it's my choice to remain silly despite the horrors. It's my calculated decision, based on my lived experience, to work hard and pursue my passions at a level that has and will again bring me joy and success.

But it's not just me! This is a very standard experience for a creative professional, especially queer and/or neurodivergent creative professionals. Especially those of us who work in teen, youth, or children's media, and who consume media in those ratings as a result (or as an extension of things we loved as kids, and things that inspired us to pursue this path to begin with).

So, as I get more years in the field, and the more I observe that gap in worldviews, Goku's writing feels more genuine to the experience of someone in a dedicated pursuit of their passion (written by people who've built careers out of that exact experience). That's a hard thing to explain to someone who's never experienced a fanatic drive to do something they consider insane and impossible (like making art your career, for example), because someone with different priorities is never going to think that's a valuable use of your time. But you do, and so you do it (and it is -- and they don't get why you invest so much time in it but they always think the results are impressive??)!

And it does take luck. And it does take community. And you can't do it alone. But that doesn't make it any less important to put in the work and push yourself to keep being better, so that when those opportunities do line up, you're ready for them and then some.

The older I get, the more Goku feels very anecdotal and reflective to me, on both Toriyama and Toyotarou's part. Just because you've achieved great success doesn't mean your foundations aren't important. Just because you've been lucky doesn't discredit your hard work and determination. Just because you're highly skilled doesn't mean you're above making mistakes or being a team player. Just because you're not what people want or expect you to be doesn't mean you're stupid. Just because you choose kindness and joy where someone else would choose cynicism and spite doesn't mean you're childish or naïve. And being flawed doesn't make you a bad person, it just makes you a person.

It just feels very Real and Relatable, in that sense, and I like it a lot.

[inside-nordic-life]

Hej guys

Welcome to my blog!

I’m Julia, 18 years old, and currently volunteering in Denmark. It feels strange to write those words down. I’m a volunteer. Just a few months ago, I was still in my home country, thinking Denmark was far away. But time flies, doesn’t it? And now I’m already three months into my stay—three months of great experiences, meeting wonderful people, and learning about Danish culture.

Let’s start simple:

Where do I live?

So far, I’m staying with a host family near Aarhus. Christoph and Karen, who have two very adorable daughters, Alma and Ida. I had never been abroad for such a long time before, so staying with a host family was a completely new experience for me. First of all, I didn’t know them until a week before I came to Denmark. That made me nervous about what it would be like. Would we get along? How should I behave around my host family? What would they expect of me? I had a lot of questions! But I’m glad to say it all turned out well in the end. We get along really well, which isn’t hard because they’re very nice people. The children are sweet and are able to communicate with me, even though I can’t speak Danish yet. Living with people I didn’t know before turned out to be surprisingly similar to my family life back home. I join them for dinner, sit in the living room reading, help with cooking, or spend time with the children. Being around them is much easier than I imagined. At first, it felt a bit awkward to sit in the living room or eat their food, but I’m getting used to it. I’m still adjusting to the food part tbh, but I’m lucky to get along with them so well. I imagine it might be harder if your host family is very different from your own, or if you’re not a family-oriented person and need more alone time. But I believe this depends on what kind of person you are—whether you’re more extroverted or introverted.

What do I do?

I work at a forest kindergarten near Aarhus. Every year, three volunteers work there so they are used to having volunteers. I really enjoy my work. From the very beginning, the staff were very welcoming and friendly. I work in the "wolf group," the Ulve, and accompany the children through their daily routine. In the morning, I help the children hang up their backpacks, and then I bring the lunchboxes with fruit and bread from the kitchen for our breakfast together. After breakfast, the children either play in the kindergarten or we go on excursions to the meadow at the hunting lodge or into the forest. Lunch is usually eaten during these outings, unless we stay in the kindergarten, in which case we eat on-site.

After the excursion, some children take a nap, for which we hang up hammocks. Around 12:30, I prepare the next meal: crispbread, smørrebrød, and cold cuts. The children can then choose whether they want cheese, sausage, or leverpostej on their bread.

In the afternoon, it’s time for the children to play again. I spend a lot of time with them, whether in the sandbox, playing tag, or simply listening when they want to show or tell me something. I’m still practicing and trying to learn Danish, but it’s enough for simple conversations, joint activities, or just listening to the children. In the beginning, it was very hard to interact with them. I didn’t know their names yet and couldn’t say anything except my own. Most of the simple phrases I use now are things I learned by listening to the Danish staff. I’m really looking forward to starting language school next Monday. Although I use Duolingo and hear Danish every day, I still need to learn how to express myself. Moreover, working with children can be exhausting. Sometimes, when I get home from work, I wonder why I’m so tired because it doesn’t seem like hard work at first. But it’s the mental load—the exhaustion from social interactions 24/7. On top of that, I’m listening to Danish all day and speak English, which can also tire me out subconsciously. But overall, I’m very happy with my workplace.

For example, I understand more now, but I still can’t reply properly. If I can respond, it’s not always exactly what I want to say because I don’t have the right words. If you asked me whether Danish is hard to understand, I’d say no. But if you asked me whether Danish is hard to read or pronounce, I’d definitely say yes. I feel like they leave out most of the letters in the words when they pronounce them, and the o’s can be really tricky to pronounce. Although I’m German, which is apparently helpful for learning Danish, I still struggle. I hope language school will help me because I really want to learn Danish.

Now, this was my very first entry. I’m going to write more soon, but for now, this is it. I plan to write one blog entry every week. If I have the time or something interesting to write about, I might post more entries per week.

Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed it :)

[112b-barbods-blog-assignments]

Blog Post #4

Since starting this class over six weeks ago, Afrofuturism has changed for me from a genre into a new perspective in my life. I imagined the content would all be about Black characters in future settings, but that’s only part of the picture. I have learned over the last few weeks that Afrofuturism inspires us to rethink history, our identities, justice issues and even memory. A number of the stories we’ve analyzed recently showed me this even more clearly. I found Lion’s Blood to be one of the most striking novels. The novel told a story very different from any other I’ve read before since everything I had learned about slavery, power and race was now reversed for me. The idea of African nations ruling over the world and Europeans being their slaves was extremely strange to read. It was a bit difficult to perceive but that was the reason it got the point across. It helped me become aware that many versions of history come across as normal just because I’m familiar with them. The author wasn’t only swapping roles to catch us off guard but he wanted us to think about things regularly accepted as normal. This really impacted me and got me thinking about changes in the past and in the future we might imagine. It also made it even more meaningful being able to hear him speak live during our lecture!

Herd Immunity felt a bit more familiar, but was still pretty hard to imagine since its themes were surrounded around struggle. I felt it was a story about our world on the brink of even bigger collapse. Throughout the story, I noticed the way the characters moved boldly without fear just like people who actively tried to serve and care for others in the worst of the COVID times. I liked that they tried their best to withhold their community even though everything else was coming undone and through all the struggles. I was amazed that the story highlighted how individuals try to support each other even in the most broken situations. Reading it gave me confidence and hope that prompted me to consider what I could do to support the people in my life community.

Reading Like Daughter also took me by surprise with how I felt. It was both highly personal and a little odd at the same time. Although the thought of cloning a missing child seems unlikely and science fiction, the way the novel was written focused more on grieving and being in control. I kept asking myself if it was right to clone someone solely for your own needs. It reminded me that sometimes people try to keep memories alive by revisiting things like pictures, old posts or even memories. The story left some loose ends and I appreciated that as well. It allowed me to feel and think without directing my response.

At this point in the course, I am discovering through the material that Afrofuturism challenges us to view our present day in different ways. These stories allow me to understand the current world by giving me other examples of what might have or could happen. They are artistic, moving and not as simple as most other novels. I’m grateful that we’ve gotten to read such a wide range of materials because each one brings something totally different, yet somehow they all speak to the same core ideas of change, survival, and imagining something better.

[jessilynallendilla]

SPIRK KID FIC

TITLE/LINK RATING COMPLETED-WORD-COUNT SERIES

HOME POST

let me know if the links aren't working and feel free to recommend any

What Makes A Family   M 81467 SERIES 

One day, the Enterprise crosses into the Neutral Zone on a top secret mission to rescue some half-Vulcan, half-Romulan kids. Jim decides to adopt one of them. Only problem is, he's not a Vulcan citizen. Cue green card marriage. 

So Wise We Grow   M 81248 SERIES 

Commander Spock, we have located your son," the Vulcan lady on the screen says, which would be great, except Jim can tell by the look on Spock's face that he's never heard of this kid before in his life. "If it is expedient, the child will be sent to join you on the Enterprise within the week." 

a sequence that you never learned    EX 64624  

"'Spock,' Jim breathes out, completely overwhelmed by the gesture—not quite believing that Spock knows him so well, that's he's already started researching, that he trusts Jim with a member of his own endangered species." When Jim gets it in his head to adopt an eight year old Vulcan, Spock presents a logical solution to the issue of Jim's humanity: marriage to a Vulcan citizen. 

THE SUM OF BOTH OF US   M 207623 

Jim Kirk is nine when a massacre on Tarsus IV leaves him without a family and without a home. Spock is twelve when a strange boy in the desert saves his sehlat. Families aren't born; they're made. The look in mother’s eyes at his correction remained a mystery long after the colors of the night sky and the complex patterns of distant nebulae had become translatable by means of distinct and relatively straightforward equations  

All In    T 87831 

Jim opens his eyes. Spock’s face is calm. It’s like they’re not talking about what they’re talking about at all - a living, breathing entity that’s made up of parts from both of them. She’s her own individual, sure, but they’re the ones who made her. And Bones. Bones had something to do with it. Jim’s red blood and Spock’s green blood and this steady, soothing heartbeat. 

Not This Time   T  28432 

The crack of rock startled Spock, causing him to bark for a status update from Chekov. He wrapped an arm around his mother’s waist, fingers gripping hard enough that he hoped he wouldn’t bruise his human parent. And then the ground gave way. Distantly, the words, “I’m losing them, I’m losing them!” echoed from the communicator clipped to his belt. White surrounded them, and he felt himself falling . . . 

Adventure Is Out There   T 12922 SERIES 

Regardless of her feelings about parenthood, Winona will be dead before she leaves her last remaining link to George on Earth. Jim is just the average, everyday, Starfleet-brat boy genius. His time is split between the mostly-Vulcan engineering crew and raising hell on the rest of the ship. If anybody (including Jim) knew the details of what occurred during his first trip to Vulcan, they wouldn't be surprised. 

Nature Boy    G 29396 

The story of a young boy on an unfamiliar planet who makes friends with the trees. 

I Will Have This   G 15541 SERIES 

Just as she finished adding a small box of sweets to her items, she felt a tug on the sleeve of her robe. Turning, she had a smile prepared, and a praise on the tip of her tongue for whatever item her son had chosen. That turned into a sharp gasp when she realized that carefully ensconced in her son’s arms was not any item for sale in the shop, but a very human baby. “Mother, I will have this.” 

I Will Rearrange The Stars (Pull Them Down To Where You Are)   G 3918 SERIES 

After Euridian, the crew of the USS Enterprise are on the exhale. The danger has passed, the war is over, and while traumatic memories linger, their Captain and Commander in particular are ready to accept some brightness into their lives. Lucky, then, that there's a little someone ready to exude just that. 

Daffodil Time   M 88568 SERIES 

Because the kid who’s coming is Vulcan, for heaven’s sake. There’s nothing fun about Vulcans. They’re logical and boring and, if Jim’s being completely honest, just the tiniest bit scary. And this is the boy who will be in his house, sharing his room, sleeping in his brother’s bed. How is he even supposed to start trying to make friends with someone so . . . well, alien? 

It Started Way Back in Third Grade   T 10371 

S'chnn T'gai Spock hadn't been pleased when his mother had convinced his father that they should spend some time living on Earth. Of course, as he became adjusted, he met a boy his age who would change things for him forever. 

Miles To Go Before I Sleep   EX 87112 

Friendship is all Jim Kirk can expect from his First Officer, for a plethora of reasons. However much that might hurt, he’ll take whatever he can get, so long as Spock is in his life. But just at the moment that it seems even friendship might be too much to ask for, the two of them are gifted with a temporary responsibility that neither ever expected. A responsibility far more personal than ship and crew, and one that forces them together just as it seems like they are falling apart. Still, the clock is ticking, and as time goes by, the thought of letting go becomes an impending reality that feels impossible to bear. In the end, they are only theirs to borrow. 

saying it outloud is hard (words are futile devices)    T 27995 

They meet through a penpal program. Spock is the most professional twelve-year-old in the universe, and Jim is so human. Somehow, though, they work. Somehow they fall in love. 

Children of Distant Worlds   G 12116 SERIES 

Jim Kirk finds friendship in a lost kid from a planet sixteen light years away from Earth. 

Beta Lyrae    T 

A young Spock crash lands in a field in Riverside, Iowa after the ship he and his parents were on was attacked by Klingons. Jim saves him from the burning wreckage and then the pair, armed only with a rusty screwdriver, a microwave, and their new, mysteriously developed bond attempt to help Spock get home. This would all be a lot easier if the 1980’s was warp capable. 

A Measure of Worth   M 4823 SERIES 

An encounter with an Orion slave ship, brings with it an unexpected gift. 

Mirror Mirror   NR SERIES 

An ongoing story about Jim and Spock's big, crazy mirror family. 

Unknown Bond   EX 

Spock is deep in the throws of Pon Farr and is preparing to die, hiding his condition to the best of his abilities. On a trip to Riverside shipyards he encounters Jamison Kirk and instantly knows she will save him from the fires of the plak tow. After, he cannot find her. He can feel the bond they developed during his Time but she is gone. It isn't until a few months later when he sees her across the grounds of Starfleet Academy...pregnant. 

What They Could Have Had (And Now It's Ours)   EX 

Spock leaves Starfleet to assist in rebuilding New Vulcan. Jim chases him. 

[pacifymebby]

I think a lot of people are desperate to get out of their hometown when they're a teenager but then start to see the place differently as they get older

Yeah, I think that mostly comes naturally too you know, when you're a kid you're really helpless, you have very little control of your environment and surroundings, when you're really small I suppose you don't notice that, your hometown is still very big and unknown, if you're lucky you're not seeing all the darker corners and the suffering that's built into most communities, then when you become a teenager you notice it all, and you notice it all the more emotively because you're still pretty much powerless to get out or to help anyone or yourself in anyway, you can get a job at 14 but they don't really have to pay you, you can't move out, you have to stay in school until you're 18 and if you're from a certain background you feel like that's holding you hostage... You probably start to notice the patterns things work in, how your parents went to the same school as you, how they met in a pub up the road, how you're going to end up just like them if you don't do something and get out... And you're still powerless to change it, you have that instinct to rebel against it and most importantly you don't have so much respect for the connections and stuff that you already have and you don't have enough to root you...

Then I guess you get older and some people leave for uni and leave home, or they move for work, or you don't leave and you stay behind and you watch a lot of your friends leave, or you lose people along the way as that happens... Your families shrink when older relatives die (and you realise maybe how much it meant to have those people around) and then families grow when siblings or cousins or friends have kids (and you realise how important and special it feels to be a part of people's lives and to have these little families which grow and grow). And if you did leave home for uni all that stuff carries on without you and you realise what you're missing...

And obviously this doesn't happen for everyone (I don't miss the town I spent my teenage years but I occasionally get nostalgic for a time when I was 16 skipping college to drink dark fruits in a park one summer with my friends before my childhood was snatched away from me). And I've learned through moving away, how much you can miss a house where you grew up, how much you can miss family once they're gone, how hard it is to live hundreds of miles away from the one person who can give you a good hug when you're feeling sad.

I know I've been ranting here but I think the thing is that the longer you stay somewhere the more connections to a place you weave, you have milestone after milestone in a town and it becomes a part of your personal history... I find it so strange that I won't be able to show my future kids the house I grew up in (because I've lived in so many and they're so scattered) or the school I went to (I remember being totally in awe when my dad drove my past his primary school or when he showed me the pub he met my mam in) I sometimes think about the country lanes I used to walk home from school down, it took me an hour and a half to get from school to my house but in the summer it was blissful and I'd go the whole way listening to Born to Die smoking cigs with my best friends, thinking we were cool when we were so not. And that's a really big part of my teenage years I'll never retrace because I'll probably never go back?

I think we get really comfortable walking streets that we know but which also know us? And then when you leave as well you start to realise how hard it is to grow those roots anywhere else. I've lived in the same city for 3 and a bit years now and though some of its familiar so much of it feels like being on holiday? I still get lost, still have to rely on Google maps, feel kind of lonely sometimes when my boyfriend points out a little piece of his history in the first bar he got kicked out of for being drunk when he was 18... and I realise that I don't have any of those memories or pieces of me to anchor me to a place.

And even if your hometowns shit and it felt like a prison, even if it holds traumatic memories (there's a street I can't walk down in the town I lived when I was a teenager because of trauma) it's still a town that knows you and knows how to hold you, and you still have those roots there, it's still the place you made your first friend, still the place you fell of your bike and grazed your knee and got a really cool scar from that you were so proud of when you were 10 years old and falling off your bike was the scariest thing you'd ever had to face...

I really am ranting now but I'm sleep deprived and this has made me nostalgic... But yeah, if you're someone who did stay in your shit hometown then you had to make it good, you had to stay and be connected to people and make those friends and be with your family and you had no choice but to become even more ingrained in your shit hometown and it's your shit hometown. Like you do learn to see it differently over time and idk if you necessarily have to like it at any point to feel like you want to stay there.

My dads always raised me on the idea that home isnt a place it's about the people you feel at home with, because we moved so much and he was keen to make me feel secure no matter where we were... But I reckon that's true of shit hometowns too, it doesn't matter about the place so much as the people you grow up and grow close with... It's hard to leave a family behind no matter what kind of family you have found?

[fadebolt]

Personal room rankings:

1 - Submerged Superstructure: LAB14 (10/10) 2 - Shoreline: AI (10/10) 3 - Silent Construct: E02 (9/10) 4 - Metropolis: splitpath (8/10) 5 - Outer Expanse: RAIL01 (8/10) 6 - Chimney Canopy: S07 (8/10) 7 - Metropolis: LAB03 (6/10) 8 - Looks to the Moon: O02 (6/10) 9 - Arena Submerged Superstructure: Memory Bypass (4/10) 10 - Subterranean: G0R01 (4/10)

Extra comment: Okay, I'll admit it, this is quite the biased pick from me. Why? Because I'm not sure if I mentioned this before, but I did go to Submerged as a non-Rivulet Slugcat before (I believe it was Monk, specifically), and I found it weirdly enjoyable. Especially rooms like this where you have to figure out how to get up with your limited mobility, as they sort of brought back the feelings of exploring this game for the very first time, where you still had no idea about the optimal ways of traversing rooms.

As for the list, we've got two pretty neat ones for today.

The first is one that I expected to see lots of votes on, only for that to not really happen - RAIL01. Outer Expanse has 3 rooms like this, and while I would technically consider this to be worse than the second, it is only slightly below it. It's really hard to comment on it, because its layout is so strange and different, but in like, a good way. I guess I like that there's a decent bit of decision making that goes into traversing this thing, and it's nice that Squidcadas spawn here. Sorry that I couldn't come up with anything more to say, but I just like these kinds of unique and well designed rooms.

Now, there was one other room that I also expected to be highly voted, which did in fact live up to my expectations. And yep, it's AI. One of the most important rooms in the game. The place where we'd originally get all of our sweet lore and world building from (which still holds up for every Slugcat, except Spearmaster and Artificer). The design of this place is very iconic, and for a good reason - it perfectly communicates everything a player needs to know, and it makes for a very effective introduction to the character, one that makes her appear humble, lonely, quiet and powerless. And as many people have pointed out before, that makes for a perfect contrast for Five Pebbles' introduction, who is also lonely, sure, but absolutely not humble, powerless or quiet. The thing about this room is that its quality is very much dependent on the game's writing, the quality of its story. But since the story is excellent, the room also ends up becoming one of the greatest, as a result.

I uhh… don't really have a segue for this, cus y'know, AI is quite a special room and all. Anyways, we have two bonus rooms coming up!

First up is C11 from Chimney Canopy, which is alright. The one issue I have with this place is how most of it is basically always unused. Why? Because you have a decent amount of distance (try saying the last 4 words quickly multiple times) that you need to climb up, to reach the connection pipe to B12, which is a one-way leap that more often than not, you will not want to take, because no matter where you're going, it'll just unnecessarily make your route longer and more complicated. And unfortunately, there's nothing interesting about the lower parts, you just have that one jump, and sometimes, you gotta do some combat or pipe juking. So I'd say this is probably a 6/10. Really cool if you wanna climb it, you just usually don't.

And for the last one, there's G02 from Subterranean. For this one, I kind of have to look past how much this general area of Sub has tortured me on an Expedition recently, because in the grand scheme of things, the room is very well designed. You have the dangerous Adult Centipedes, but there's also plenty of Cherry Bombs, so players can easily learn that they're perfect for deterring these crawling batteries. There's also a Popcorn Plant that you can use whenever you won't eat the Centipedes (either they died in a previous cycle, and didn't come back yet, or you just avoided them). You do have unfriendly flora too, those being the Monster Kelps, but this place is often filled with spears, and even when it's not, the ground is perfectly flat, so you can just crawl. Oh, and the number of Mushrooms is quite the overkill, but honestly, I'd never complain about those. So yeah, this place is nice. I'd say it deserves an 8/10, maybe potentially even a 9/10. (Although…. the nasty Dropwigs on some campaigns…. cus I guess the Centipedes are just not enough. At least they only appear for combat focused slugs)

Pick Your Favorite Rain World Room, Day 215.2 R2

This is not single elimination! Every room with at least 15.0% vote will move on to the next round.

There is a hidden slugcat in one of the rooms (they can be in any color). If u can see it comment or reblog with where they are and if u are first, u get a cookie!

Credit for game screenshots goes to: Rain World Interactive Map, Rain World Wiki and me

Congratulations for day 214 winners!

[c-is-for-circinate]

For a long, large part of my life, being queer in a media landscape--finding queerness in a media landscape--has meant theft.

I'm a Fandom Old, somehow, these days, older than most and younger than some, in that way that's grown associated with grumpy crotchetyness and shotguns on porches and back in my day, we had to wade through our Yahoo Groups mailing lists uphill both ways, boring and irrelevant anecdotes from Back In Those Days when homophobia clearly worked differently than it does now, probably because we weren't trying hard enough. I've seen a lot of stories through the years. I've read a lot of fanfic. (More days than not, for the past twenty years. I've read a lot of fanfic.)

When people my age start groaning and sighing at conversations about representation and queerbaiting, when we roll our eyes and drag all the old war stories out again in the face of AO3 is terrible and Not Good Enough, so often what we say is: you Young Folks Today have no idea how hard, how scary, how limiting it was to be queer anywhere Back In Those Days. Including online, maybe especially online, including in a media landscape that hated us so much more than any one you've ever known. And that is true. Always and everywhere, again and again, it's true, we remember, it's true.

We don't talk so much about the joy of it.

Online fan spaces were my very first queer communities, ever. I was thirteen, I was fourteen, I was fifteen--I was a lonely, over-precocious "gifted kid" two years too young for my grade level in an all-girls' Catholic school in the suburbs--I lived in a world where gay people were a rumor and an insult and a news story about murder. I was straight, of course, obviously, because real people were straight and anyway I was weird enough already--I couldn't be two things strange, couldn't be gay too, but--well, I could read the stories. I could feel things about that. I would have those stories to help me, a few years later, when I knew I couldn't call myself straight any more.

And those stories were theft. There was never any doubt about that. We wrote disclaimers at the top of every fic, with the specter of Anne Rice's lawyers around every corner. We hid in back-corners of the internet, places you could only find through a link from a link from a link on somebody else's recs page, being grateful for the tiny single-fandom archives when you found them, grateful for the webrings where they existed. It was theft, all of it, the stories about characters we did not own, the videotaped episodes on your best friend's VHS player, one single episode pulled off of Limewire over the course of three days.

It was theft, we knew, to even try and find ourselves in these stories to begin with. How many fics did I read in those days about two men who'd always been straight, except for each other, in this one case, when love was stronger than sexual orientation? We stole our characters away from the heterosexual lives they were destined to have. We stole them away from writers and producers and TV networks who work overtime to shower them in Babes of the Week, to pretend that queerness was never even an option. This wasn't given to us. This wasn't meant for us. This wasn't ours to have, ever, ever in the first place. But we took it anyway.

And oh, my friends, it was glorious.

We took it. We stole. And again and again, for years and years and years, we turned that theft into an art. We looked for every opening, every crack in every sidewalk where a little sprout of queerness might grow, and we claimed it for our own and we grew whole gardens. We grew so sly and so skilled with it, learning to spot the hints of oh, this could be slashy in every new show and movie to come our way. Do you see how they left these character dynamics here, unattended on the table? How ripe they are for the pocketing. Here, I'll help you carry them. We'll make off with these so-called straight boys, and we only have to look back if somebody sets out another scene we want for our own.

We were thieves, all of us, and that was fine and that was fair, because to exist as queer in the world was theft to begin with. Stolen time, stolen moments--grand larceny of the institution of marriage, breaking and entering to rob my mother's hopes for grandchildren. Every shoplifted glance at the wrong person in the locker room (and it didn't matter if we never peeked, never dared, they called us out on it anyway). Every character in every fic whose queerness became a crime against this ex-wife, that new love interest. Every time we dared steal ourselves away from the good straight partners we didn't want to date.

And: we built ourselves a den, we thieves, wallpapered in stolen images and filled to the brim with all the words we'd written ourselves. We built ourselves a home, and we filled it with joy. Every vid and art and fic, every ship, every squee. Over and over, every straight boy protagonist who abandoned all womankind for just this one exception with his straight boy protagonist partner found gay orgasms and true love at the end.

Over and over, we said: this isn't ours, this isn't meant to be ours, you did not give this to us--but we are taking it anyway. We will burglarize you for building blocks and build ourselves a palace. These stories and this place in the world is not for us, but we exist, and you can't stop us. It's ours now, full of color and noise, a thousand peoples' ideas mosaic'ed together in celebration. We made this, and it will never be just yours again. You won't ever truly get it back, no matter how many lawyers you send, not completely. We keep what we steal.

.

Things shifted over time, of course. That's good. That's to be celebrated. Nobody should have to steal to survive. It should not be a crime, should not feel like a crime, to find yourself and your space in the world.

There were always content creators who could slip a little wink in when they laid out their wares, oh what's this over here, silly me leaving this unattended where anybody could grab it, of course there might be more over by the side door if you come around the alleyway (but if anybody asks, you didn't get this from ME). We all watched Xena marry Gabrielle, in body language and between the lines. We sat around and traded theories and rumors about whether the people writing Due South knew what they were doing when they sent their buddy cops off into the frozen north alone together at the end of the show, if they'd done it on purpose, if they knew. But over the years, slowly, thankfully, the winks became less sly.

A teenage boy put his hand on another teenage boy's hand and said, you move me, and they kissed on network TV, in a prime-time show, on FOX, and the world didn't burn down. Here and there, where they wanted to, where they could without getting caught by their bosses and managers, content creators stopped subtly nudging people around the back door and started saying, "Here. This is on offer here too, on purpose. You get to have this, too."

And of course, of course that came with a whole host of problems too. Slide around to the back door but you didn't get this from me turned into it's an item on our special menu, totally legit, you've just got to ask because the boss throws a fit if we put it out front. Shopkeepers and content creators started advertising on the sly, come buy your fix here!, hiding the fine print that says you still have to take what you've purchased home and rebuild it with your semi-legal IKEA hacks. Maybe they'll consider listing that Destiel or Sterek as a full-service menu item next year. Is that Crowley/Aziraphale the real thing or is it lite?

And those problems are real and the conversations are worth having, and it's absolutely fair to be frustrated that you can't find the ship you want on sale in anything like your color and size in a vast media landscape packed full of discount hetships and fast-fashion m/f. It's fair to be angry. It's fair to be frustrated. Queerbait is a word that exists for a reason.

There's a part of me that hurts, though, every time the topic comes up. It's a confusing, bad-mannered part of me, but it's still very real. And it's not because I'm fawning for crumbs, trying to be the Good, Non-Threatening Gay. It's not that I'm scared and traumatized by the thought of what might happen if we dare raise our voices and ask for attention. (Well. Not mostly. I'll always remember being quiet and scared and fifteen, but it's been a long two decades since then. I know how to ask for a hell of a lot more now.)

It's because I remember that cozy, plush-wallpapered den of joyful thieves. I remember you keep what you steal.

Every single time--every time--when a story I love sets a couple of characters out on a low, unguarded table, perfectly placed to be pilfered on the sly and taken home and smushed together like a couple of dolls, my very first thought is always, always joy. Always, that instinct says, yay! Says, this is ours now. As soon as I go home and crawl into that pillow-fort den, my instincts say, I will surely find people already at work combing through spoils and finding new ways to combine them, new ways to make them our own. I know there's fic for that. I've already seen fic for that, and I wasn't really interested last time, but the new store display's got my brain churning, and I can't wait to see what the crew back at the hideout does with this.

Every time, that's where my brain goes. And oh, when I realize the display's put out on purpose, that somebody snuck in a legitimate special menu item, when the proprietor gives me the nod and wink and says, you don't have to come around the side, I know it's not much but here--there is so much joy and relief and hope in me from that! Oh, what we can make with these beautiful building blocks. Oh what a story we can craft from the pieces. Oh, the things we can cobble together. Look at that, this one's a little skimpy on parts but we can supplement it, this one's got a whole outline we can fill in however we want. This one technically comes semi-preassembled, and that's boring as shit and a pain to take back apart, but that's fine, we'll manage. We're artists and thieves. I bet someone's pulling out the AU saw to cut it to pieces already.

And then I get back to our den, which has moved addresses a dozen times over the years and mostly hangs out on Tumblr now (and the roof leaks and the landlord's sketchy as fuck but at least they don't charge rent, and we've made worse places our own). And I show up, ready for joy--ready for a dozen other people who saw that low-hanging fruit on that unguarded table, who got the nod and wink about the special menu item, who're ready to get so excited about this newest haul. Did you see what we picked up? The theft was so easy, practically begging to be stolen. The last owner was an idiot with no idea what to do with it. The last owner knew exactly what it could become, bless their heart, under a craftsman with more time on their hands, so they looked away on purpose at just the right time to let me take it home. I show up every time ready for our space, the place that fed me on joy and self-confidence when I was fifteen and starving. The place that taught me, yes, we are thieves, because it is RIGHT to take what we need, and the beautiful things we create are their own justification. We are thieves, and that's wonderful, because nothing is handed to us and that means we get to build our own palaces. We get to keep everything we steal.

I go home, and even knowing the world is different, my instincts and heart are waiting for that. And I walk in the door, and I look at my dash, and I glance over at twitter, and--

And people are angry, again. Angry at the slim pickings from the hidden special menu. So, so tired and angry, at once again having to steal.

And they're right to be! Sometimes (often, maybe) I think they're angry at the wrong people--more angry with the shopkeeper who offers the bite-sized sampler platter of side characters or sneaks their queer content in on the special menu than the ones who don't include it at all. But it's not wrong to be mad that Disney's once again advertising their First Gay Character only to find out it's a tiny sprinkle of a one-line extra on an otherwise straight sundae. It's not wrong to be furious at the world because you've spent your whole life needing to be a thief to survive. It's far from wrong. I'm angry about it too.

But this was my den of thieves, my chop shop, my makerspace. Growing up in fandom, I learned to pick the locks on stories and crack the safes of subtext at the very same time I learned to create. They were the same thing, the same art. We are thieves, my heart says, we are thieves, and that's what makes us better than the people we steal from. We deconstruct every time we create. We build better things out of the pieces.

And people are angry that the pre-fab materials are too hard to find, the pickings too slim, the items on sale too limited? Yes, of course they are, of course they should be--but my heart. Oh, my heart. Every single time, just a little bit, it breaks.

Of course the stories are terrible (they have always been terrible). Of course they are, but we are thieves. We steal the best parts and cobble them back together and what we make is better than it was before. The craftsman's eye that cases a story for weak points, for blank spaces, for anywhere we can fit a crowbar and pry apart this casing--that's skill and art and joy. Of course we shouldn't have to, of course we shouldn't have to, but I still love it. I still want it, crave it. I still thrill every time I see it, a story with hairline cracks that we can work open with clever hands to let the queer in.

That used to be cause for celebration, around here. I ask him to go back to the ruins of Aeor with me, two men together alone on an expedition in the frozen north, it feels like a gift. And I understand why some people take it as an insult. I understand not good enough. I understand how something can feel like a few drops of water to someone dying of thirst, like a slap in the face. If it was so easy to sneak it hidden onto the special menu, to place it on the unguarded side table for someone else to run off to, why not let it sit out front and center in the first place? I know it's frustrating. It should be. We should fight. We should always fight. I know why.

But my heart, oh, my heart. My heart only knows what it's been taught. My heart sees, this thing right here, the proprietor left it there for you with a nod and a wink because they Get It. It's not put together yet, but it's better that way anyway. It's so full of pieces to pull apart and reassemble. I bet they've got a whole mosaic wall going up at home already. We can bring it home and make it OURS, more than it was ever theirs, forget half of what it came from and grow a new garden in what remains.

And I go home to find anger, and my heart breaks instead.