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jockpoetry · 3 years

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supernatural sees women as a tool for development and strengthening of narratives/motivation and dean sees his body as a tool. is that anything?

When I saw this ask I really made the 🥴in real life. So, yeah anon, I do think there’s something to this.

Quick Disclaimer before I actually launch into my thoughts™: A lot of my read of Dean stems from my experience as both an oldest daughter and a transman. Being the oldest daughter was an experience I lived for many years, but I am also a man. I wasn’t raised as a man, I wasn’t socialized as a man, and even though once I came out upon reflection my masculinity was obviously there. Like I was a man™ before I knew I was a man. Even when I actively tied my identity to femininity for a long time! A lot of my prideful moments were based around statements like: “I was the only girl who (fill in the blank).”

So I am just putting that out there before I launch into my spiel about Dean/Gender/Tool because they all interlock for me.

I am also going to apologize in advance because I know this has fully gone off the rails and I’m not even done writing it yet. If this is incomprehensible ! Well, happens to the best of us.

First off, most importantly I guess before we discuss womanhood and Dean and the way both are utilized on the show I need to say that I personally don’t subscribe the whole Dean is female coded thing.

It’s a read I can absolutely understand. But for me..he’s not.

He’s a hypermasculine man to the point that when (and because he is written as a punchline, as the stupid™ brother, as the whore™, as the mother/father™, as daddy’s blunt instrument™, etc) Dean deviates from the pre-accepted definition of hypermasculine it’s Wrong.

It’s Instantly Feminine.

I think the internet has made the world very black and white, or blue and pink maybe. This point, I think, colors a lot of these discussions. Dean cooks, he cleans and so therefor he’s female coded. When that really just feeds back into the whole toxic masculinity loop. You can’t be masculine and cook and clean and cry. That’s for feminine people only.

I get the argument! I do, I just think that Dean’s actions are not inherently feminine, it’s just in the vacuum of Female and in the Absence of Traditional Masculinity it makes sense to assign him female coded and move on.

IN FACT the way that Dean is the action hero of the show, the Masculine™ one on the show - but he cries, and he rages, and he cooks (Again and Again) and cleans (Again and Again). The fact he’s macho and confident but he has so little self esteem. Is frankly insane to me. You have this blaze of glory character who is so depressed that they have him kill himself. Twice. In explicitly “I hate myself, I hate hearing all the things I hate about myself, I want to destroy myself” ways.

On just a regular ol’ network show that is just ungodly bad at times. They let their Male Hero cry - all the time (if I linked every example of this the essay would be...longer than it already is, but just take my word for it). Dean tears up and grieves and shows more than just Angry Horny Violent™ (he shows plenty of that, don’t get me wrong) but he’s Emotional (Again and Again and Again). In many different ways!

I mean, beyond even just tearing up, they make their Male Hero™ face sexual violence in pretty, uniquely horrifying - and queer! - ways.

Let’s make it clear, they did a lot of this unintentionally.

Or they do it as a joke.

Off of dean for a moment to say women are plot devices in this show. I could probably count on one hand female characters who have sincere depth to them that have roles outside of progressing plot, filling a filler episode, and who are still alive. Like even characters such as Charlie who are wholly developed, and interesting, are only remembered/mentioned/utilized to progress plots or fill an episode out - and then she dies. For pain™ for plot™ for no other reason than to traumatize a character.

Which let’s also make it clear Dean’s trauma is also only used as a plot device (as is Sam’s but in a different way, and Cas’ trauma is a whole other barrel of fish we’re not gonna dive into right now). Like wholesale full stop they don’t actually care about what happened to him. Unless it’s relevant in an episode.

Oh that boys home he was left at when he was 16 for months? Sure we’ll sprinkle that in in the back half of the series. Oh he was covered in bruises and said it was from a hunt (when it’s clear contextually they were from his father but saying the fantastical but true is easier than saying the uncomfortable but true). As Dean says though the story became the story, he was sixteen. He just went along with what John said.

We only see Dean ever truly rage at John, by the way, when either Dean is dead (when he’s between life and death and he rages at John, right before John “apologizes” for traumatizing him, for putting too much on Dean’s shoulders, and fucking dying) or John is dead (the Djinn episode where Dean is straight™ and John is dead™ and he goes to his grave and just yells and rages like he should have to his father in the real world).

Dean’s trauma from being both tortured and torturer in hell? Yeah, we don’t talk about that after it’s Relevant™. Even though it’s clear - especially in the demon!dean, mark of cain era, all those years later - Alastair still has his hooks inside of Dean. I stopped watching originally after s8 ended. I was fed up with the show, and with this whole renaissance I’ve been doing a rewatch and I’m into season twelve now and it really has never come up again.

Even when he had the mark of cain and he was tasked with questioning and accused of torturing it was “the mark has changed you” and not “you were victim and victimizer in hell for forty years, which is longer than you’ve been alive on earth” (and, was about as long as he wound up living. Which is desperately sad.

Because we talk about Sam’s desire for a “normal” life but, Dean wanted out too. He was tired in the first few seasons of this show, he never had a chance to taste freedom (we don’t count the boys home, because that was a different kind of regimented life, and it was a false freedom) the way that Sam did in Flagstaff with Bones or at Stanford with Jessica. Love for Dean is sacrificing, it’s putting himself/his happiness/his well-being last.

Because Dean only knows love in the context of violence (like all of these fun examples, for starters) is a phrase that I’ve said a lot both in private chats and on here, and I absolutely think it goes to him being a tool (a blunt instrument, a plot device, so both textually and metatextually) instead of a person. Which Cas sees Dean’s shame/guilt and sees that side of Dean because he touched his soul, and saw more than just the Righteous™ man, more than just the tool, he saw A good man, not a machine.

On the other side though you have how “bad guys” view Dean: Desperate, Sloppy, Needy, Dean’s hole (Again), which is again so wildly counterintuitive to the story of a Macho Man Hero™. You’re using vocabulary that is both queering him and feminizing (and I know this a meme format, but sincerely it is done in a derogatory way it is feminizing. It’s breaking him down to bare parts, to a sloppy hole).

My whole rewatch I have been absolutely fascinated by how identity and free will is utilized/conceptualized on this show. Castiel has been my main focus, but Dean and how he is framed by himself and others is...fascinating - and frustrating. The writers inconsistency lends itself not only to this unintentionally queer character, but also one that again is incredibly easily read as a non-traditionally masculine character.

As a feminine character.

This show has so few female characters that of course it had to foist the roles/behaviors/plots that a female character might have onto a male character. Which I think is part of why reading Dean as trans (either transmasc, or transfemme) is so easily done like.

Half of these are shit posts, but you can find trans allegories/textual evidence in this show again, again, again, again, and again. And this is unintentional, they don’t want you to look at Dean and see woman, former future or present. Like a lot of these I’m sure are punchlines for them, because women/queer folk are punchlines to them.

Sometimes the only women in an episode are random witnesses who get two sentences of dialogue, and then the main guest character is a man. Who flirts with Dean, and Dean is receptive to it.

They paint themselves into a corner, there are female Rabbi. So easily could Aaron have been a woman instead of a man, but they made the choice to play up the HaHa Dean & Men card.

Because, again, Dean has filled the slot of Woman™ of Female Lead™ and the flirting would’ve been straight if Dean was a woman. It’s a plot device, they needed to have the guest character be disarming, be cute, make the main character flustered.

It’s just the main character is a man, because they’re allergic to women. But they still need those female plots, tools of femininity, to move their show forward. I mean I am a big subscriber to transmasc Jo (no idea if anyone else is with me on this one, but let me explain). Jo is in love with Dean (concept) not Dean (actuality). Which, we’ve all had our eggs cracked by someone like that. We were in love with them until we realized we just wanted to be them.

He loved her like a little sister, she loved him like a lost idol. He’s a golden calf and she dies for him, because she believed in him, she was the original character dashed at the altar of the Winchesters.

I fully believe if she had lived and if this show had a crumb of actual good writing Jo could have been a deeply compelling transmasc character. But I also think she’s a fascinating inversion of Dean. Dean is a Masculine Character who subverts Toxic Masculinity, Jo is a Tomboy™ she’s not your (if you take it straight, literally and metaphorically) average female love interest. She’s angry, she’s not soft at all, all edges and corners and thorns. She isn’t helpless, she’s stubborn but not in a “you’re going to get punished for this” way. She’s right when she’s stubborn. She’s helpful, she’s a martyr.

I could do a whole other essay just on Jo (and Ellen, and Ash, what a fucking trio!) but needless to say Jo was one of the first...plot device feminine tools sacrificed to this show. She was a regular, she was unique, she was an engaging character, and she still died (to progress the plot? no. for man pain? yeah, for like three episodes maybe, and then it’s forgotten just like the rest of Dean’s trauma, as we mentioned above).

Dean and Women and Love is a very interesting tool used too because. Boy they sure try to make Dean love women and it fails in small ways, and in big, meaningless, failed het domesticity (again) ways. Not to mention whatever Lust (in the form of a woman) having no effect upon him, when they could have used that moment to assert his Masculinity and Heterosexuality. He behaved normally? And...also...whatever the fuck the Adios thing was!

Like they have these opportunities to make him Traditionally (toxically) Masculine, but make the choice to...not? To soften him. Because it’s a tool. He’s their female lead, textually he had to take on the role of mother(/father) to Sam, but...I mean this is a million miles long already. I know, but we absolutely can’t not talk about his Paternal/Maternal behaviors. (Which appear again and again again and again, outside of his relationship with Sam even/especially). He’s the mother hen, sage, safety net, beacon, home to so many side characters they meet.

I mean in many ways Jody is also a Dean comparison. Lost her family. Found a new family. She is non-traditionally feminine, but easily flustered and Silly™ (let’s just drop the entire sex talk over family dinner scene with Alex and the boys and looking to them for help, even though she was already a mother, and she’s a cop, and a hunter and this confident no nonsense individual.... She’s not). We are meant to see her as this hard ass, but she makes extra food for the boys to take back to the bunker. She’s deadly in a fight, but also still easily overwhelmed and put into damsel mode, and she cares so much even in the face of adversity.

It’s also fun to see how Jo | Jody are reflections of Dean at different points of his life. Younger, cocky | Older, settled.

Even when the text tries to tell us that he’s not.

When it reminds us that he’s violent. That he is his father, even if he says that Sam is more like John (which was reflexive, which was angry because of Adam and how Sam was behaving like Dean in that episode, and yes there are parallels to be drawn between Sam and John, the show barely dives into them). Instead we’re told that Dean is John (Again and Again and Again and Again).

So intensely that a fanfictionalized version of the Winchester Gospels makes it an entire fucking musical number.

And yet, despite the texts insistence to make Dean Macho Man Father Reborn™ We get this Dean who is silly (and directly compared/contrasted to the female character in this scene), soft, in heels, nagging, and... Sully (you know Sam’s imaginary friend who has the same Haircut Dean has, who is a softer, shorter, friendlier, campier, version of Dean who was a replacement For Dean until the real one let Sam back in? That? Sully?) it’s hard to take them seriously.

Hell, even when he was A DEMON? What did they do? They had him sing off-key drunken karaoke, they had him doing this ! Like that’s your hero, unhinged, free to be as bad as he could be, and you put him in a cowboy hat in a romance with the king of hell.

The Female Lead, everyone. Who’s biggest betrayal(s) comes at the hands of his love interest (again, a man even though it was an angel who could’ve taken any vessel! who could’ve been recast, who canonically dies admitting his love to Dean - that one), who he tries so hard to be loyal to.

The contradictions of his character are laughable. He is so emotional, but if he is engaged about his emotions? He shuts down, or he’s exasperated about being asked about them. It really is Female Lead/Only Here For The Plot disease, because everything is more important than him. How’s he doing? Doesn’t matter outside of the context of how x character is doing or that y character is dead. Or his emotions only matter if they’re done in penance.

They also really do frame him as Pretty Boy™ in a violent way, or in a derogatory manner. They’ll give us homoerotic shots like this or these and never really acknowledge how these are gay shots. Sorry the gun scene is a a straight up sex scene, the beer sip spilling out over his mouth is oral, the scene where Cas fills up Dean’s glass with whisky is also a sex scene, they do this shit on purpose but accidentally queer it up. If Dean was a woman these scenes wouldn’t even matter. They’d be passing moments, but because he is not just a man but A Man™ they’re insane to see.

Not to mention all of these scenes and all the ones I haven’t linked where Dean dresses up. He performs masculinity, but he performs femininity too. He’s a plot device that is slotted in to whatever role they need. He’s Super Straight Butch Man™ but coaches the lesbian on how to successfully flirt with a man. He’s Action Hero™ who sits through a montage with the same lesbian and yays and nays her outfits, and enjoys himself.

Fuck he loves dressing up, he feels better in these costumes because performing a character is easier than being himself. Because who is Dean? He’s a tool, both textually and metatextually. It is exactly how the women and because of the women on the show that Dean is the way that he is. If there was a more steady female presence Dean would not be half as much of a plot device or half as camp/gay/feminine/non-traditionally masculine/queer coded as he is.

In conclusion....

#dean winchester #supernatural #spn meta #spn #gender #anon #replies #messages #my writing #ANYWAYS PHEW okay anon i don't know if i even fully got to your point but i woke up at like 3:30 to this ask and i've been fixated on it #HOPE THIS IS EVEN JUST a little bit coherent #the way i meant for this to talk so much more about transness and eldest daughter syndrome and just FORGOT #oops #oh well

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kiki-shortsnout · 3 years

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For intimacy prompts: #36 being pushed against a wall for Frostironstrange! 💚❤️💙

I might have cheated a little and made it a door....

***

Jealousy wasn’t an emotion Stephen had much experience with. He’d been top of his field when he’d been a doctor, a pioneer, a trailblazer, he was the one people regarded with envy. Even in his romantic life, jealousy wasn’t an emotion he’d fallen victim to, never having formed a lasting attachment to another person.

He knew the root of the emotion stemmed from a feeling of insecurity, that the best thing he could do was turn his gaze inward and think about his own personal growth, to address his feelings of low self-esteem.

This…didn’t feel like feelings of low self-esteem. It felt like a coiled ball of barbed wire and razor blades sitting in his stomach, strangling the life out of him every time he saw them together.

The words on the page wavered as his eyes went unfocused, his ears straining to hear sounds of them whispering, torturing himself further by hearing fragments of their conversation, his mind filling in the blanks.

Why couldn’t it have been me?

Stephen had fallen in love with Tony first. He’d agonized over that, spent countless nights thinking about the reason why, if the rationale behind his jealousy was born from some adolescent feeling such as, I saw him first so therefore he’s mine, but that wasn’t it.

A bond had formed between them when fighting Thanos, a trust that Stephen seldom found in others. He knew Tony, probably better than anyone else in the world after his little exploration of millions of possible outcomes, but that wasn’t what made him fall in love.

It was the man’s determination, his courage, his sarcasm, all wrapped up in an appealing aesthetic package that was Tony Stark. He had been willing to sacrifice himself for the world, just as Stephen had sacrificed countless lives in the Dark Dimension, and at that moment against Thanos, Stephen knew he’d found someone in this huge, boundless universe who could understand him.

He looked up at that moment, staring at Tony across the gloomy Sanctum library. His legs were folded beneath him on the armchair, his elbow on the desk as he rested his head on it, idly swiping through his Starkpad as he worked.

Stephen hadn’t been able to let him die, had used every possible resource he possessed and those around him to save his life. He hadn’t even known Tony that long, but he had still sobbed alongside Rhodey and Pepper as Tony finally inhaled a lungful of battle charred air after excruciating seconds of being dead.

Sensing Stephen’s stare, Tony glanced up, giving him a gorgeous smile, the type that sent euphoric sensations squirming through his stomach. Ignoring Tony’s mouthed question asking him if he was okay, Stephen turned back to his book.

He’d never understood what it meant to love someone until the moment he’d lost Tony. Despite already witnessing millions of potential lifetimes, ignoring millions more, Stephen still wanted to remain by Tony’s side, as a friend, a lover, whatever capacity he was allowed as long as he could be part of the man’s life.

‘What’s got your attention, Anthony? I’m over here.’

Then Loki had happened.

The trickster had faked his death at Thanos’s hand. Not for his own personal gain this time, it was the only way he could save Thor and Bruce, ensure that Thanos would leave whatever Asgardians he hadn’t slaughtered alone. Stephen had doubted Loki’s intentions were as honorable as that, believe a large part of his actions were to save his own hide, but he wasn’t made of stone, despite how he was perceived, and Thor begging him to help find his brother hadn’t fallen on deaf ears.

It was Tony asking him to help bring Loki home, to give him the second chance they’d all had at some point in their lives, that swayed Stephen into action. The man didn’t even know about his repressed feelings, and even then, he was powerless to Tony’s wishes.

‘Lokes, I can barely concentrate as it is when you’re near me,’ Tony flirted.

He ripped the corner of the page from the tightness of his grip.

Stephen couldn’t actually put a finger on the exact moment where his feelings for the God of Mischief had changed from irritation to begrudging respect.

And then into complex complicated feelings of their own.

But he’d known when Loki’s and Tony’s relationship had changed, had seen the way both of them looked at the other, the swollen lips after they returned from meetings.

‘Stephen? Everything alright?’ Tony asked, destroying the painful recollections, making him look up at them both. They were trying to hide their relationship from him, and he wasn’t sure why.

I’m not important enough to know.

‘Yup,’ Stephen snapped, slamming his book shut and throwing it onto the desk between them.

‘Usually, you only look like that after I have spoken to you,’ Loki teased, placing both hands flat on the desk and leaning forward, goading him. That was their relationship, provoking each other, encouraging character growth through spite and teasing.

Today it felt like salt was scouring the wounds on Stephen’s soul.

He needed to control these feelings, these emotions. He’d already convinced himself that he was content with being Tony’s friend, that whatever stirrings of interest he had towards Loki had to be his libido talking. Tony Stark deserved whatever happiness he could find, and Stephen was the biggest advocate for it.

‘No, you’re not, honey.’

Stephen flinched in his chair as he looked up, Tony directly in front of him, his hand reaching out. The way his eyes had become soft and tender with worry for him made Stephen want to weep, to launch himself forward into his arms and speak his deepest desires.

They already have each other. There isn’t room for you.

He batted Tony’s hand away, ignoring the way the man flinched even as a wash of shamed nausea crept over him.

What are you expecting, Strange? That they’ll include you? That Tony will leave Loki for you? Normal people don’t have two partners.

‘Hey, it’s okay…I didn’t mean to scare you, we can leave if you’ve got things on your mind,’ Tony reassured, taking a step back.

‘Nothing’s on my mind,’ Stephen answered straight away, his voice coming out too loud and panicked. He saw Loki’s eyebrow raise in question, the Asgardian looking between them both, analyzing.

Shit.

‘Stephen, something’s obviously wrong, and I don’t think it’s because you don’t understand…’ Tony paused, tilting his head so he could try and read the title of Stephen’s book. ‘Yeah…I don’t know what you’re reading. Look, if it’s something I did don’t be shy,’ Tony told him with a playful grin, but Stephen knew what was behind it, the insecurity he hid behind those smiles.

‘No! It’s nothing you’ve done,’ Stephen lurched forward to grasp Tony’s elbows before remembering who else was with them. Immediately he let go, shoving his chair back with the force he used to escape. Cursing his treacherous body, his gaze went to Loki who was watching the whole thing unfold with shrewd eyes.

‘Come on, asshole, what is it? I’m not a mind reader you know.’

‘No, but I am. I have a glorious feeling this is going to be fascinating,’ Loki’s silky voice wrapped around them both, his fingers lit up with his magic.

He can’t find out.

‘Leave me alone…’ he spat, his hands readying themselves to create a portal as he leapt to his feet. ‘You can’t be serious?’

‘Deadly,’ Loki growled, extending his fingers with a snap, his emerald magic twisting forward and nullifying the portal Stephen had been trying to create.

I need to get out of here.

‘What? What’s going on? Loki, stop it don’t-’ Tony yelped as Stephen launched himself into a run, barreling him over in his haste to escape. Loki gave chase, both of them scrabbling against the wooden floor as they sprinted to the door.

Tony can’t know. Neither of them can know.

Stephen ignored Tony’s frantic shouts for them to stop, the burn in his lungs as he ran, the pain in his shoulders as he collided with the bookcases. Books rained down on him, the library around him fading to one, singular point.

Get to the door!

He could hear Loki hot on his heels, felt the tendrils of his magic trying to ensnare him, his snarls of frustration as Stephen ducked and weaved around the bookcases, no finesse to his movements, just a dogged determination to escape the situation.

Crying out in relief when he made it to the door first, he skidded to a halt when the Cloak billowed up, blocking the way, trapping Stephen inside.

‘They can’t find out! Move!’ Stephen hissed at the Cloak.

The Cloak shook its collar, spreading itself out so it appeared huge.

‘Please!’ Stephen pleaded, his voice cracking. ‘I’ll lose them both otherwise!’

‘What the hell is going on? Are we under attack?’ Feet pounded on the floor behind him, the sounds of his suit forming was audible even over Stephen’s pounding heart.

Think. Think!

Reaching forward to rip aside the Cloak, Stephen found himself slammed against the back of the door, a lithe muscled body pressed against him, and a hot mouth sealed over his. Despite wanting to moan into it, the electric current of unbridled lust surging inside of him, he didn’t stop fighting to escape.

He didn’t want to hurt Tony with his lustful feelings and burgeoning affection for his lover, didn’t want to damage their friendship. Then there was Loki, whose tales of cruelty had reached them all. Who knew what he would do to Stephen for coveting his lover? He would desecrate the feelings he held dear, spinning this into a story that they shared with other while in bed, their mocking laughter surrounding them.

‘Desist your struggles, Strange,’ Loki whispered when he stopped, leaving another scorching kiss on his lips as he held him still. ‘Your feelings are making you foolish. You know I cannot read minds, yet you crumbled under your fear and left your true self bare.’

Stephen strained against the hold, his head banging back against the heavy door, nails gripping the wood. Loki didn’t budge, his strength far exceeding Stephen’s, but he moved his hands to his forearms, allowing the blood to flow back into his damaged hands with a pained hiss.

‘Sorry,’ Loki murmured. ‘It is not my intent to-’

‘You already knew I had feelings for him,’ Stephen hissed, looking over Loki’s shoulder, trying to understand what the expression on Tony’s face was, memorizing the detail of him before he’d be no longer allowed to look.

I never wanted this to happen.

‘Yes, but I did not know of your attraction to me. Which makes this conversation so much simpler,’ Loki answered.

‘What conversation?’

‘You are not alone in your feelings, darling,’ Loki called over his shoulder, his sharp green gaze never leaving Stephen’s.

He slumped in Loki’s hold, hanging his head as shame burned his cheeks.

‘You’re not listening to my words, Stephen.’ Loki brought his head down to whisper in his ear, adjusting his grip so Stephen could rest against him, holding him instead of restraining him. Even with all of the panic making him light-headed, his chest flayed open for all to see, Stephen still took the time to breathe in Loki’s scent, the unique alienness of it.

‘Stephen? Is Loki right? Do you…have feelings for me?’ Tony asked, his voice wavering in bewilderment.

Rubbing his head against Loki’s shoulder for a moment, Stephen took a huge, quivering breath before he drew back, trying to find his courage.

‘No, Loki’s voice rumbled through his chest, oscillating through to Stephen’s skin. ‘It isn’t just lust you have for me. You hold feelings for us both.’

‘Stephen?’

‘Yes. God, I’m sorry, I fell for you, months ago, Tony,’ Stephen sighed, not looking at him, staring at the glossy black hair brushing against Loki’s collarbone. ‘I knew you were together, thought I could be happy…No, I wanted to be happy for you-’

Stephen stumbled as Loki vanished from before him, flailing until he was caught by Tony’s smaller frame. He only had a second to figure out what had happened before he was being kissed again, a sharp whipcrack of shock drowning out any thoughts.

He retained enough sense to break apart, his gaze seeking out Loki, fearful of retribution. Loki’s façade cracked at his stare, relaxing into an expression he’d often seen him look at Tony with.

‘You were blinded by what you did not have, saw only what you wanted to see. You never realized that Anthony was watching you too, snatching gazes of you when you were preoccupied with your melancholy.’

Stephen looked down at Tony in his arms, his brown eyes blazing in that look of determination he’d fallen for.

‘Stephen, I…you too? I never thought…you never gave any indication of-’

Stephen silenced the words with a kiss, reaching up to cup Tony’s face with his hand, expressing everything he could through his actions, his longing, his repressed desire, his love. Their tears mingled together, seeping down to their lips, binding their kiss with suffering sweetness.

‘Idiots, the both of you,’ Loki said, wrapping his arms around them. ‘I know this type of relationship might not be considered… acceptable on Midgard, but I believe now that I know of your feelings, it would be wise to explore the possibilities.’

‘This, this isn’t normal though,’ Stephen mumbled against Tony’s lips, lifting his free hand so he could grip hold of Loki.

‘Who cares about normal? I’m Tony Stark, I do what I want,’ Tony asserted, kissing him soundly on the lips, before turning and kissing Loki’s jaw.

‘Ineloquent as always, but I believe this time the sentiment comes across nicely,’ Loki said, eyes closing as he accepted Tony’s bestowed kiss.

‘You both? How long?’

‘Since Thanos-’

‘Since you found me-’

They answered together. It was Loki who blushed though, uncertain how his own declaration would be taken.

‘I’ve known Tony longer, understood and accepted my feelings for him before I found you, but that doesn’t mean what I’m feeling towards you isn’t real, Loki,’ Stephen assured, his confidence growing, the earlier panic and fear dispelled by their touch.

Loki swallowed and nodded once, his grip tightening before he took a step back, gesturing at the Cloak to move aside.

‘I realize we’ve forced this confession from you, and if you would rather take some time to-’

‘Do you want to go on a date?’ Tony interrupted.

‘A date?’ Loki deadpanned.

‘A date? Like drinks? Food? Music? Somewhere we can get to…well not know each other better, but talk. About what this means for us?’ Tony encouraged, his gaze darting between them both.

‘Anthony. I do not think-’

‘A date sounds great,’ Stephen interrupted him this time, pressing his lips together to hide his amusement at Loki’s confusion, reaching down to take both their hands in his.

#frostironstrange #fanfic prompt #ask answered #thank you so much #thanks for this!#stephen strange #tony stark #Loki #Yet more Kiki prompts!

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iamdarkness · 3 years

Text

To Feed a Tiger. Forces of Will.3

Chapter 3

Alfonse x Summoner, Alfonse X Summoner X Lif

And one sided (as of now) Dimitri X Summoner X Alfonse X Lif

Triggers for talk about mental health. It is Feral Dimitri after all. Mentions of death and depressive thoughts.

Sexual Harassment and maybe more than that.

Incest. (Freyr and mentions of Freya). Rater R for a little graphic scenes of battle and character death. Nothing we have not seen in the game itself.

-Hrid…- You hear Sharena say under her breath and it feels like all the happiness has been drained from her voice. Of course she would feel sad. Her big brother meant so much to her and seeing him suffer would make her suffer as well. They were so close. He was her best friend, confidant, protector and hero. Watching him so defeated had been a shock and more so that she herself had not reacted fast enough to prevent this. In a way she felt responsible as well.

-Summoner _______. Princess Sharena. Heroes. It is a pleasure to be your guest again.- Hrid says when he is close enough to take your hand and Sharena’s. His hand lingers on yours and you take it back to take Princess Laegjan’s.

- It is indeed as King Hrid has said, a pleasure to be here again.- Laegjarn says as she takes your hand and Sharena’s, her piercing red eyes watch you searchingly.

You greet them equally and introduce your heroes by name and title. You will not have them be nameless heroes to no one. They deserve to be treated, like the heroes that they are. As if sensing your unrest and because he has dreamed of your pain Freyr comes and stand by your side . He blocks Hrid from getting too close to you. You hear young Claude snicker behind you.

-How was your trip to the beach Summoner? I would have liked to come sooner so we could meet you there, but we had a little delay.

- It was great! We even had a sand castle contest and a nice nap.

-They even got a great tan!- Said King Claude nodding to Freyr in particular and you turn to give him a fake angry look. You notice he is watching Alfonse and he winks at him. Alfonse looks like he understands something unspoken.

- I will cherish mine. It was a wonderful and invigorating nap.- Says Lord Freyr to bring attention to his chest and he “looks” sideways to smile at you.

- I can’t say the same about mine my Lord! It stings a lot!- You tell him smiling.

- Yeah we got the wrong lotion, so now we need to go to the infirmary to get fixed up.- Said Sharena sheepishly. You notice Alfonse and Hrid are looking at Freyr’s bare chest. They can clearly see the white mark of your arm on it. Hrid looked a little scandalized and Alfonse… he looked amused. He looks sideways at Hrid.

-Is that…?

-Oh it’s my hand. I kind of hugged him while I was sleeping. Now if you all don’t mind. We need to get to the infirmary. I’ll see you all at the meeting.- You say and leave with the rest of your group to the infirmary. You hear Alfonse talking to Hrid.

-Everyone loves our Summoner. Some more than others and in different ways.- And there is a hint of humor in his words. <<At least he is having fun.>>

~*~

The meeting lasted three hours. Besides the heroes Anna had asked to attend, you had asked Hero King Marth, who was the oldest of the Marths and with more experience, Micaiah, King Claude and Lord Freyr. You were sitting between the former two. They had sat themselves with you in between before Hrid had claimed the chair next to you. You had seen Claude talking to Alfonse and thought they had a plan to distract Hrid or may be just make him re think his life. There was no announcement about the engagement, but Hrid said the royal ball that was supposed to take place in two wees was pushed back for two months. This would give them all time to prepare and gather more information.

- I also hope that by then it will be two good news to announce and not just one.- He tells you and Fjorm when the meeting was over. You feel Fjorm’s cold hand take yours and give it a squeeze.- Dear summoner, would you be so kind to sit by my side at dinner? I would very much like to talk about some important things with you.

-Sure.- You agree to it because, you want him to give you a reason to tell him you are not interested. Alfonse and Fjorm did not sacrificed themselves, for this man to think you are going to fall at his feet after a dinner. Besides, you were sure Claude and Alfonse were planing something and you trusted them. You turned to Fjorm and winked to let her know you got this. She blushed at this.

Once at dinner you do sit by his side. Commander Anna is sitting at the head of the table.Alfonse is sitting about three chairs from you, between Fjorm and Sharena. The chair next to you is the other head of the table and it is still empty. Suddenly, you see F Dimitri come inside the dinning hall. He seldom comes in here and you signal for him to come and sit by your side. He complies. Claude and Freyr sit on the chairs in front of you and Hrid.

Dimitri was dressed in a dressy black suit with blue cape that Forest had designed for you to give him. His hair was up in a ponytail.

-Dimitri. You look so handsome! Did you like the clothes?

-Thank you _______. I…they feel comfortable.- He says and his face is crimson red.

All through dinner Freyr and Claude kept on talking to you and taking your attention from Hrid. Claude was blatantly flirting and Freyr...you were looking at a different side of him, to be sure. It must have been because as someone who could be in your dreams, had the ability to see things others didn’t and know things about you that no one else understood, but he got your sense of humor. Something even Alfonse had, had trouble to adjust to, not understanding your references and knowledge. You had to read his same books to be able to make new references and jokes. After years of being together he had taken your humor and understood what you meant and some of the heroes even used your slang. Freyr was different. He knew stuff and he used the obscure references to make you laugh and it gave the conversation a more intimate feel.

Still you were giving Dimitri all the attention you could because he was important to you and wanted to make him feel that he was cared for.

-We should go to the beach tomorrow and make it a drink contest.- Says Claude smiling at you.

-Oh my Lord give me patience! I am not taking you to get drunk Claude. I have never seen you drunk, but let me tell you; you do not need it.

-I can not give you patience child. Only good dreams and many children.- Lord Freyr says smiling at you. Hrid stops eating to look at him. You notice Claude and Dimitri are doing the same. You laugh at it. You keep forgetting he is the god of fertility as well. Freyr turns to them and says amused.

-I am the god of dreams and fertility. Do you want my blessing?- He turned his closed eyes at Claude who laughed out laud and bring his hands off in a guarding motion.

Everyone seemed to breath again.

-Wait have you given ______ your blessing?- Claude asks and winks at you. You feel your cheeks heat up.

-I would give her, as many children as she desires.- He answers Claude. The wording is very on purpose and it seems it is not lost on the people sitting at the table. You hear Hrid chock on his food.<< Oh God! What are these guys doing!?>> You spy a look at Alfonse and he looks amused if not a little red faced and concerned, but amused non the less. You give Hrid your glass of water to drink and wait to see if he needs you to perform the whatever maneuver. He drinks the water and start breathing right. He thanks you with a blush to his cheeks. He looks mortified about the incident.

-Yes Claude. I’ll be having thirteen children.- You say the first number that comes to your mind.

- I’m going to need a bigger table at home then.- His eyes twinkle with mischief.

-You better. My whole soccer team and I will be visiting you often.- You hear sounds of laughter coming from various sides of the table.

-Hey! I meant children with my beautiful green eyes.- He wiggles his brows.

-Well you better start looking for a wife then, because those are a lot of kids to have. You better start soon.

-That is so mean!- He says fake hurt, dramatically touching his heart.

-You gave Dimitri your blessing.- Dimitri says suddenly, breaking the conversation and looking at Claude in a cold and annoyed manner. He is asking Freyr about baby Dimitri.

-May he never lack good dreams. They are the rest of the mind and the refuge of the soul.

-God, that is so true. I’m tired of dreaming of going to battle and finding my self back in school butt naked - You hear a noise like someone almost spit their drink. Hrid by your side actually laughs.- or zombies in the battlefield eating my heroes. The living dead. - You elaborate after you see Hrid’s confused expression.

-Are you afraid of school and the risen?- Asks Hrid trying to catch your attention away from Freyr and specially Claude.

-Heck no! Zombies are rotten corpses that eat the living like wild rabid animals. I used to watch a lot of moving pictures about them before coming to live here. I’m cool with risen. I even like the red eyes. I like red eyes. They’re kind of sexy, depending of whoever has them.- Of course you are talking about Lif.- And school…I mean…the bad part is finding yourself butt naked in a public place.

-I wonder what that dream means if it is a recurring dream.

-I think it means…- You get cut short by the conversation in the table next to yours.

-Oh You heard that Lord Corrin? The summoner finds red eyes sexy!- You hear Nile’s voice loudly tell Corrin.

-What the hell Niles! Why are you listening to my conversation?- You throw him your balled up napkin. He only laughs. Corrin who is sitting by his side, hits him with his elbow. You hear an “Ouch” followed by Niles laughing.

-Summoner you were talking loud enough for the whole kingdom. This makes you laugh too.

You look sideways at Alfonse who is talking to Fjorm. She seems to disagree with something he said, sighs and nods.

After a while when some of the heroes start to get up from the tables you hear Alfonse clear his throat. Claude is looking at him and you turn just in time to see Fjorm say something to Hrid.

-_______. Would you care to sing something for us?- Asks Hrid.

-Right now?- <<Are this guys trying to kill me of embarrassment?>>

-Yes _____! Sing that song you sing with the guys on campaigns! - That was Claude.- Make it to Freya like last time! You don’t mind, do you?- He asks Freyr. Freyr shakes his dead.

<<WTH is he talking about?>> there are many songs you like singing with the heroes when in campaigns by the fire light so you are kind of confused. He makes a gesture and you get it.

-Oh…Fine.- You agree mostly because that song does not need the best of voices. You lean in to talk softly to Dimitri.- Dimitri. It is going to get loud.- He nods at you like he is ready.- You look around and catch Shigure’s eye and signal to him. He goes pink but nods.

-When a humble bard…-There was a choir of whistles, “Yeah!”s and shouts.

Graced a ride along

With Geralt of Rivia

Along came this song.

From when the White Wolf fought

A silver-tongued devil

Her army of elves

At her hooves did they revel . - Freyr does look entertained.

They came after me- Shigure stands and sings alongside you.

With masterful deceit

Broke down my lute

And they kicked in my teeth

While the devil's horns

Minced our tender meat

And so cried the Witcher

She can't be bleat

Toss a coin to your Witcher -Everyone starts singing. Hrid’s brows are knitted and he is looking around to see everyone singing. Even some of the heroes like Tibarn who had gone out had come back to sing.

O' Valley of Plenty

O' Valley of Plenty, oh

Toss a coin to your Witcher

O' Valley of Plenty

(Rest of the verses here)

Toss a coin to your Witcher

O' Valley of Plenty

O' Valley of Plenty, oh

Toss a coin to your Witcher

A friend of humanity X3 - You leave the last choir to Claude who has the perfect voice for the part. ( 1)

By the time you finish the song everyone starts screaming. You have no idea why they like that song so much but every time you all sing it; it feels like you are all pirates or something.

-Goddess! I love that song. For a minute I felt I was in a tavern somewhere in a town far away riddled with monsters and villains.- Says Claude.

-You mean Fodlan taverns anywhere?- Asks Dimitri. He sounds serious, but the gruffness of his voice is gone and it makes you happy to see him put the effort to joke around. Claude laughs out loud and can only nod to agree.

All around you could hear the heroes talking excitedly about one thing or another. Some where inviting others to the town tavern. Others like Lady Camilla is heard telling someone something like “We should dress like pirates next Pirate Festival dear!”.

-That was something, you don’t see every day.- Says Hrid smiling and he looks entertained.- You are something else summoner. Who is the Witcher?

-Freyr.- Says Claude at the same time that Freyr says your name.

- It is a story about a monster hunter called Geralt of Rivia, that is sent to fight a half goat or ram and half man who was helping some elves, who were the “terror” of the nearby towns. I changed it for Lady Freya and her dark elves, who we had to fight in our dreams some time ago, with the help of Lord Freyr. I say the Witcher would be Lord Freyr. He was the one who gave up his life to save us. I summoned him some time ago.- You raise your cup to him in a toast. He smiles at you.- Besides he has the long white hair and beautiful golden eyes.- Hrid looks at Freyr and Freyr opens his eyes to reveal his beautiful eyes. They are a liquid, luminous gold color. They glow as if with the light of liquid fire but not quite lava.

-I thought he was blind.- He says in wonder. You could understand him. Lord Freyr was a beauty to behold. Even in his animal form he was the most beautiful being you had ever seen. Even the ethereal beauty of Lady Freya was nothing compared to him. Everyone was either a little jealous of him, felt intimidated by him, or had a crush on him.

-Just sleeping. - Freyr says calmly.

-Talking about sleeping. I need to get the younglings to bed. Dimitri what are you going to do?

-Whatever you ask of me.- He says readily eyeing Hrid. He has noticed how clingy he seemed to be with you and he does not trust him.

-I would like you to come with me on my patrols tonight; if that is alright with you. -His brows furrow and he gives Alfonse a long look. Alfonse seems to be listening but avoids looking at you.

-I will come with you.

-Hey I thought I was coming with you my dear!- Says Claude.

-You can come to get the kids to bed if you want to. I am going to need a handsome prince for tonight’s fairy tale and Marth is busy.- You tell him teasingly. Hero King Marth who is walking by looks your way and blushes.

-That is so cruel.- He says and pouts.

-Summoner. I was wondering if you would like to take a walk with me in the gardens or I could take the watch with you.- Says Hrid.

-Omm, I really need to take Dimitri. There are things I would like to talk about with him, but if you do not mind you can come to story time and then take a walk. Since my prince charming is sulking right now. It looks like he does not want to cooperate.- You notice Claude is looking at Alfonse and you have this distinct feeling that surprises will keep happening before the night was out.

<<Seriously guys? Like my heroes need to be told to do weird crap.>>

Dimitri went to prepare for your watch together, but before he left, you saw him frown at Hrid who returned it with a cold look. This of course annoyed you to no end because no one treats your babies that way. You go to the living area where the children gather every night for a hero to tell them a tale. You do this twice a week, usually with Alfonse by your side. You really wanted to be petty and reenact Frozen with Hrid as the prince, but you remember Anna and Alfonse said to treat him right.

<<Fine>>

When you are done with the kids you and Hrid go take that walk in the garden and decide that if he starts coming on to you; you will have to nicely let him down. You are even waiting for the chance. You are sitting on a bench around the entrance that lead to the Eastern stables. Hrid has like the spot to take a rest and sit as close to you as possible. Lucky for you the hour was still early enough that many heroes are still around and you do not feel uncomfortable.

- The heroes are very fond of you _____. It is very impressive to see. I have been told so many things about you and I thought it would be impossible for someone to posses so many qualities like you; but I can see that not only are all of those rumors true…they do not make you justice . I can see what you do for the heroes and for the people. I was told you aided in a birthing yesterday.-You nod but say nothing when he keeps talking.- I remember the first time I saw you. You came to help heal me and ask if I needed anything. My sister Gunnthra was so fond of you. She believes you are destined to be part of our family. I can only agree with her good judgement.

- I feel very humbled by her favor towards me. I…- Just thinking about her, and her horrible demise brought tears to your eyes.- I wish I had, had more time to know her better. Sometimes… I wish I could see her in a dream and see her happy again. I also wish I could save Fjorm…from everything. -He looks moved by your statement but he has no idea that he is the one you want to save her from.

-It may do her good to spend a weekend at home. You could come and visit with her. It would bring us happiness if you did. It would make me very happy.- He says and takes your hand in his cold one.

-I think it would be good for her to do so, but I am afraid that as long as there is a war; my place is here and I can’t take more than a day off every week. You see…I…-There is a pause since you were distracted by someone walking on your far left, as if trying to not be seen.- Hey!! Valter? You are back!. What do you have there?- You get up and walk towards the tall man.

-A shake…- He says . He has heard you say that to other people jokingly. He is not turning around to face you and has something big on his shoulder.

- Valter?- He finally turns around and you see he is all bloody from a wound on his arm and leg. There are gashes as if from big paws.- Oh god Valter! You are hurt! Let me see! You’ve been gone for three days! I know you came early but look at you!

-I am fine summoner. I will go to the healers in a while. Here.- He lowers the thing he has been holding on his shoulder.- I gift you the man eater,that has been plaguing the villagers in the Western villages.- He places the mountain lion at your feet. His tall figure kneeling on one knee to better show his prey.

- A fine prey Valter. I could not have chosen a better hunter. -He smiles with pride. At first you and Valter had not see eye to eye, with his way of trying to make you be afraid of him and calling you prey. Alter he had a lot of talking to by Alfonse and Leon/ Fomortiis, you had come to an understanding and now It was a better relationship. You may not trust him as a person but you trusted him to be himself and now you had a better understanding of his motivations and personality. You also valued and respect his skills.- I thank you for an excellent job.- You take our your handkerchief and clean his mouth. It is dripping with blood and it is not his.

-Will you partake of it Summoner?- He asks lifting it up to his shoulder again.

-Of course, but only after it is cooked if you don’t mind. Are you going to skin it in the kitchen? -He nods- I’ll go take a look during my watch. Valter don’t eat it raw! Those cats have worms in their meat. - He nods and smears your cheek with blood. - Valter…- you whine at his retreating back. He gives a loud laugh.

- Was he drinking its blood?

- Yeah, probably.- You say whipping the blood off of your face.- I’ve told him not to eat it raw. I am afraid he is going to get sick in the long run, but he told me he was not going to live that long. Now I am seriously thinking of not returning him to his world… I’m gonna have to adopt him or something. - You notice now Hrid is looking at you a little open mouthed.

<<What did I do?>>

-Summoner!- You hear the shout of a familiar voice. You see a mop of white hair shinning bright in the light of the torches. His red eyes burning with annoyance.- Naga’s brat changed his patrol to be my partner. Did you allowed this?

-No Mr. Grima. I didn’t know about this. Which of them?

-The first one…the one from the river.- <<Oh Marth>> He says it pouting. You take his hand.

- Grima, dear. You have to understand that sometimes people may want to be your friend. Has he ask you about Robin?

-No. Never.

-See? He is not interested in returning Robin like Chrom wanted to, not only because he has never been friends with Robin before, but because he knows quite well there is only you in that body. What he wants is to be your friend. You see, like you; Hero King Marth was summoned after death. He will be staying here after the war, like you. I have talked to him already Grima dear. He has no evil intention towards you. He just wants to be your friend.- He looks to his side and thinks for a moment.

-Fine worm; but if he so much as thinks about “bringing back” Robin, I’ll eat him.- He is still kind of pouting and kind of bashful about it. You ruffle his hair playfully. He growls but lowers his head to rest on your shoulder.

-Come here you grumpy dragon. -You give him a hug.- Give the man the chance you gave me and Alfonse. And if he so much as hurt a single hair of my -You whisper so only he can hear- Baby dragon ( 2 )…I will personally behead him or something.

-Don’t call me that worm!- then he adds in a softer tone-…eat him…- He sounds angry to other people but you know him well. He does not move his head. You don’t know it, but he sends Hrid a venomous look.

-I’ll eat him whole Grima. He’ll make some great tacos or burgers, sausages…Ug! I grossed my self out now.- You say laughing. He gives you a low laugh as well.- I didn’t see you at dinner Grima.

-I was busy training.

-I know. Here if you go to the kitchen and get something to eat’ I’ll give you this candy…but don’t tell Gaius about it.- He lets go.- Oh Valter is there with this mountain lion he killed. We ate roasted beef.- He makes a face. He dislikes Valter and mountain lion.

-I don’t like mountain lion. Fine. I’ll eat him instead.- He says smirking and turning to leave.

-No Grima! You’ll get sick!- You say laughing hard. You know he is kidding.

-That…That is the Fell Dragon Grima?- Asks Hrid when Grima is gone. You nod smiling.- The terror and destroyer of the world?- He looked at your face and can almost see pride in them, like a mother showing off his child who has done something great. And of course you feel pride. Grima was loved and happy. He no longer wanted to avenge himself, he wanted to be loved and be accepted. This was a big win for you.

The rest of the walk is spend like this. You walk for a while and then a hero shows up and take your attention away from Hrid. He seems a little frustrated but at the same time, that look he gives you, like you are something precious does not fade from his eyes. It is the time for you to go and you are about to say good night when he asks something of you.

-This night has been wonderful. I have seen you work your magic and the more I see, the more I think you would be a great queen.

<<Oh crap!>>- I am just a regular person who wants what’s best for her people and home. -<<Yeah sound more patriotic why don’t you?>>

- I know. That is the reason. I - He makes along pause and seems to change his mind on what he wanted to say.- I know, I asked this of you before but, I really would like to hear you sing. Only this time. Would you sing a love song? What would you sing to the person you want to spend the rest of your life with?

-I really am not that great a singer. I just like music a lot and since I came here I lost my… music so I sing it, to not for get it… besides I…that is very personal.- You say uncomfortable. This was going sideways fast and you knew it.

-I understand. I also understand you do not know me enough to fall in love with me. You must know by now I wanted ask for your hand in marriage, but I will not push it. I just want to hear what Fjorm has heard. It would make me really happy.

You think about it and realize that how worst could it really get? It was not like you were going to accept him any way. -OK, let’s walk this way.- You tell him and start singing when you are almost under Alfonse’s balcony.

I say I'll move the mountains

And I'll move the mountains

If he wants them out of the way. -- It did feel like you had to move a mountain to reach Alfonse, when you had just met. Now

look at you now. You could barely part from each other.

Crazy he calls me

Sure, I'm crazy

Crazy in love, I say.

I say I'll go through fire

And I'll go through fire -- There are flashes of you fighting alongside Alfonse to beat Surtr.

As he wants it, so shall it be

Crazy he calls me

Sure, I'm crazy

Crazy in love, you see.

Like the wind that shakes the bough

He moves me with a smile -- Yo see him in your mind’s eye smiling that rare sweet smile he has only for a few precious people and you.

The difficult I'll do right now --Well you did gave him an army of heroes and manage it well.

The impossible will take a little while -- And you will end the war and win it for him.

I say I'll wait forever --You look up to his window. Up till now you had been looking at the starry sky but the light in his room had gone out. He was surely looking out the window.

And I mean forever-- That was your promise. You will wait for ever for him.

If I have to hold up the sky

Crazy he calls me

Sure, I'm crazy

Crazy in love am I

Crazy in love am I. ( 3)

Luckily Hrid had not been here long enough to know where your room or Alfonse’s room lay. He did not know he had witnessed your promise to him.

-That was beautiful. That song… I could imagine you fighting against Surtr…Saving my land and my people.

<< Oh Lord! You have to be kidding me. This is what he got from this?>>

-You have to remember your highness, that I was not alone and I did the least of the fighting. You have Alfonse to thank for that and The Order. -<<And your sister’s sacrifice…>>

- I was lost in the song I have to confess. You look so beautiful right now. It is easy to forget everything else.- He steps closer to you. You are hit with the urge t to step back, but you have to stand your ground.- _____ I want to get to know you better. I want to be more than just acquaintances. I want to be..

<<God I hope he says best friends! Why can’t someone just come and save me?>>

-...more than just your ally. I want to be there when you need me and be the one you can count on.

<< Sir you are describing Alfonse…>>

-Hrid. I appreciate the sentiment. It is always a good thing to get to know the people that are important in our lives. I do agree with that, yet I need to tell you; that with the war and all the work I need to do; I can not offer you more than friendship. My priorities..

-She tells us all the same thing. Can you believe that? So very cruel Summoner.- Says King Claude from behind you.- I apologize for the intrusion, but princess Sharena has need of your help. Delthea drunk a kettle of coffee and is now running around playing pranks on unsuspecting heroes. I think she hid in the tower. Also Dimitri said he will be waiting for you in the library in half an hour.

-Oh Lord! Hrid, please forgive me for leaving you. Delthea is a very powerful and very imaginative witch, I can’t have her do this at this hour.

-I understand completely ______. In fact I would like to be of assistance.- Hrid said eyeing Claude.

-That would be amazing. I just need to warn you about the consequences; but if you are alright with cat ears, be our guest. -Claude points to his head. Sure enough there lays a set of black velvety cat ears.

-Oh for God’s sake Claude! Wait. Is there a tail to match?…Oh what am I saying. I’m sorry Hrid. You better sit this one out. There are just so many guys with cat ears and tails I can manage in one night. I will see you tomorrow. Have a good night.

-As you wish. Good night and pleasant dreams.- You thank him and go away with Claude.

- You look so cute Claude.- You say and laugh.

-Mm interested in petting my ears _____?

When you two are far enough, Claude takes his fake cat ears off and meet up with Freyr and Delthea who is not really playing tricks on anyone.

- I almost didn’t make it. I apologize ______ . I did hear you tell him you are not interested. That is good. I don’t think it will stop him though. It feels like no matter what we do, he can’t seem to mind that the heroes flirt with you. I mean I understand. I see you do this every day. You care for everyone and they can’t help but adore you and I understand it quite well and it only makes me love you more.- He says it matter of fact like he is not baring his feelings in front of other people.

-Claude…

-I know ____. I should have considered it. He just looks so stiff, controlling, possessive and well cold, I thought he would find it uncomfortable. Make him re think his choice. I’m thinking even you telling him you are not interested in a relationship may be making him more persistent. Like whenever you tell Valter not to eat mountain lion raw…He already ate the liver by the way. I saw him a couple of minutes ago.

-What?- Face palm <<OMG Valter. I feel like I’m dealing with toddles!>>

-Well. It is done. We will see what we can do tomorrow.

-I suppose. - You start walking towards the library where Dimitri would be waiting for you, but make some space to talk to Delthea quietly. -Oh Delthea. Did you ever find out what the book was about?

-Oh…I did ask Alfonse but he could not open it. He asked me where I had found it and I showed him. He had never seen it or heard about it before. He did not tel me the exact translation, but said it was about the first King of Askr. I asked him if I could help him find out how to open it and he said it was fine by him, so as soon as the Ice King takes off we get to work. I also told him I wanted to help him with his project and I managed to convince him to let me help. Like you say: “ Two heads are better than one.” he just told me not to tell you. ______ he is very upset. I am worried about him. I mean if he asked Claude to help him it means he is very desperate. That man better leave tomorrow or I will bewitch his underpants to be itchy for a month! What?! I can guarantee you he will never know it was us. Just like the time I turned Lord Virion’s undergarments pink. -she giggles.

- Was that you? Oh my God. -Virion was still looking for the culprit.- Please don’t do that. I don’t need more trouble for the Order or Askr. We can leave it as last resort though; in case we can’t find a way to break the deal.- You tell her to settle her down. When you finally meet up with Dimitri, you notice he is talking to Freyr and offering him something. On a closer inspection you see it is one of the key pendants to the tree house.

- I can not guarantee you she will not follow in a way, but no one will be getting in there but you, _____ and I, so there will be less chance of someone spiking your drinks. I am taking dreamless sleep pills and can’t dream. She will not tempt me.

- I feel touched by your gesture. I will take you up on your offer if you are sure of it.

-I am. I thought about it. I figure it would be hard to return to your room.

-Then I will stay with you. Thank you. I will wait for you reading in the library until you are done with your patrol.

- You can join us, if that is your wish.- Says Dimitri. Freyr seems to be thinking about it.

-I thin it is better for me to wait here. There are books here I have never read before.

Claude says his goodnights and leaves. Delthea stays to tell Freyr about the awesome book she found and where she found it. You are crossing the door to the outer grounds to talk to the inner wall guards. It is half past midnight.

-Dimitri. What you did back there for Lord Freyr. I am really touched and thankful for it. I thought about changing his room, but you know how all the rooms are the same except for Alfonse’s and mine, so it would be all the same. I was thinking to take him to my room and sleeping on the study. I was sure he would not agree to that. Then I thought to let him stay in one of the rooms at the infirmary.

-I thought about it when you told me what had happened to him. I am sure it was much more serious than what you mentioned.

- It is. It is much more serious.

-He seems to feel safe around you.- <<As do I>> He thinks.

- I wish I could save him from her.- << I already watched him die once…I could not take it if he were to die again because I failed.>> You do not voice your fears with Dimitri. It is better for him not to trouble himself with your fears.- I could have offered to sleep with him, but even voicing this sounds bad. Askr is so very conservative. - <<Although…We could camp out in the tree house with Dimitri! Wait…that sounds like a threesome or better yet a “treesome”…Damn!>>- we could…- You get cut short by your messaging pendant getting too warm. Something is wrong. Then you hear someone shouting your name. It is Gordin.

-______!!! Lord Freyr told me to tell you the Elmblan Empire is crossing our borders! They are about to attack the keeps in the Northern towns. He saw it some moments ago and sent Delthea to tell Commander Anna.

-Thank you Gordin! Dimitri. I need to tell Alfonse and Sharena.

-I can tell the princess!- Says Gordin seriously.

-Thank you! Let’s go Dimitri.- You feel the pendant again. It was Anna. The message was to get ready.

You are running down the hall to Alfonse’s room when his door opens up. You see Hrid and Fjorm getting out of her room down the hall.

-Lord Freyr saw Embla crossing the Northern border and attacking the keeps.

-Let’s get ready. Inform the heroes on rotation. We will wait for you in the War room.- You nod and walk yo your room to get to the list in the study, but you get waylaid by Hrid and Fjorm who tries to persuade him to wait until they are called.

-Are we being attacked?

-Not ourselves. The keeps in the Northern border are about to be attacked. We will probably march in a while. I’ll keep you posted. I need to call my heroes on rotation.

You enter your room and then the study. You hear Dimitri say something and then shut the door.

-_______. I am not in rotation, but I want to fight. Is Lord Freyr fighting too?

-Let’s see. He is in rotation…but…

- Let him go. It will keep his mind off of his troubles. I will fight too and keep my eye on him.

-If you are sure; I’ll add you to the rooster.- You start sending the magic signals to the heroes in rotation and once you are done you take the list with you to the War Room. On your way out you see Fjorm and Hrid are meeting after preparing themselves to fight. They follow behind you to the War Room.

-Fjorm, you are not in rotation. You are part of the base defence today. You want to come with?

- Yes. I already changed my turn with Mathilda. Oh and I found Valter on the way. He said he will be ready when you are.

-He is not on rotation. In fact he was supposed to still be off today, but returned early…well I guess. He can come.

- What is this about rotation?- Asks Hrid. He is dressed in full armor and ready to go.

-It is the way to manage the heroes. One part fights, another part is left as reserves and the defence stays to defend the castle and the people of town in case there is an attack while we march off. The heroes change every battle. Right now we are about to see where we are about go and what we are about to do and decide if we need to do some changes in the groups. Just like the Royal army.

-You manage it all by yourself? Impressive.

-Well it is my job to get to know the heroes abilities and weaknesses . Then decide who works better in what situation and what they should be doing and who to send them with. You know, tactician’s planing. I make the suggestions and then Alfonse, who is the brain decides if the draft is right for what he thinks the enemy is doing and stuff. He’s a genius. Then Anna makes the final decision… but I mean I also like to have other opinions. Like Robin’s and Soren’s for example. It is all simple and regular army managing.

- Well. Not really. Remember when we fist met and you had suggested this to Commander Anna, because you were afraid someone would try attacking the castle when you were away, just like the time Embla had tried to destroy the Summoning Ruins? I also remember Anna apologized to you for not taking your suggestion of having a fire brigade before Surtr attacked into consideration. It was also your idea to make the Heroes their Order Cloaks to blend in with the surroundings and re designed the Regular Army’s new camouflage uniforms. The Royal Army even changed theirs as well! (4)

<< God Fjorm! Don’t help me look good now!>> Hrid looked impressed. Fjorm looks sorry.

-I saw the changes. I like the new uniforms and their usefulness. Amazing!

-Well none of those ideas are mine. I just took them from what the armies use in The World of Steel. I mean, sometimes Alfonse lends me his brain cells and I do come up with some good ideas, but mostly it is him doing the job. I just help along.- Fjorm laughs at this. She knows what you mean, but the two men look at you with different levels of confusion. You finally arrive to the War Room and after asking if you wanted him to wait outside, you let Dimitri stand by your side during the briefing. Fjorm had stood on your other side and signaled Alfonse to stand by her. After a moment she whispers a quiet “sorry” in your ear. She moves from between you two to go talk to Laegjarn. You can feel Alfonse’s hand lightly touch yours when she leaves. God! How you wanted to touch him. Hold his hand and disappear from the world.

Since Lord Freyr’s dream was a forewarning you had time to get to the site and wait for the enemy to attack. It would be an ambush. You fear you will have to spend the trip avoiding Hrid and stealing moments to talk to Alfonse. During the first part of the night when you were walking besides F Dimitri, you remember he had wanted to talk to you about something important.

-So Dimitri. What was it that you wanted to talk to me about?- Dimitri looked taken aback for a moment and then he looked around to see if anyone was hearing you.

- I…I have been watching Lif when he comes to watch you…- He says and suddenly you are attacked by the memories of your last encounter.- I apologize for not telling you directly…I did not know if he was real or not.

-Lif…-<< My Alfonse>> the thought passes your mind faster that lightning and you had no time to question it.- I… I can see why you would think that. He is… He looks so …-<<Beautiful>>- different. My regret. -You had know he had seen Lif. Of course you did, but you wanted to let him tell you in his own time after that one time he avoided the subject.

-I saw him go inside your window…I am sorry. I was not thinking strait. I let him in, not sure of who he was until you mentioned him. I just knew he loved you and he wanted to be near you… so I let him. I wanted to know what he would do. Understand him.

You lower your head before someone notices your watery eyes as they fill up with tears. Those words were breaking your heart… and now he was gone.

-Don’t worry about it Dimitri. I practically invited him. I also understand you… and I can see your instincts are working just fine. I trust them and I trust you. Besides. I wanted to see him so badly. I was not sure if he had survived and now I know he is…still fighting.

- You love them both…

- I… I do…Do you think me wicked?

- At first. When I did not know who he was. I understand now. Would you tell me how it went? All of it? I want to know about him.

- I don’t blame you for wanting to know. He is an interesting person. I mean, he is Alfonse but…They are the same, but different. Alfonse plays the violin you know. He plays like the angels in heaven…They are both violin music, but different pieces you see? Both highly intelligent and both seriously passionate in everything they believe and do…but like music Alfonse is intense but contained, controlled, like Vivaldi’s Winter And Lif is just as intense but unbound like Devil’s Thrill…Both beautiful to behold but …Oh crap I forgot you don’t know what I’m talking about. The music sound kind of like - You hum the music and explain the differences in rhythm and tempo. You look at him to see if he gets it and you see him smiling. You have never seen him smile.- Heh… I got a little carried away didn’t I?- He nodded.- Were you there when he left?

- Yes.

-I still have to tell Alfonse. I forgot to do so with the…arrival of our guests and everything else.-You backpedal to not tell him about the engagement.

-You will tell him? Everything?

- Of course. I don’t want to keep secrets from him. He knew what I was doing. That was the reason he was not home. We wanted to help him. We even had a plan on how to do so and…you saw. It all went sideways. Alfonse knew Lif would decline our offer, but I wanted to believe. I could not even tell him the plan… I felt so selfish asking him to stay.

- It would be painful to be around you and not be near…

- (sigh) yeah…and let’s not forget Sharena.- You start telling him how everything had started. How you all had thought he was the first king of Askr and then found out the truth. You tell him about Sharena’s flowers he had placed in that shine he had made. You tell him about your Summoner’s coat folded neatly among your favorite flowers. His parent’s crowns. How he had built the shrine because there was no bodies to bury and no tombs to take flowers to. You explained his plans and how he had changed his mind to help you. How he had been used like a marionette by Hell to kill you and how you had finished her with the his most precious possession. His Summoner’s Breidablik…you omit it was your own weapon or so you thought.

After a while there is a pause in the trek for rest and meals. By this time the sun was already coming up. While you are talking to the men,you are interrupted by Hrid who wants to be your guard during the battle.

- King Dimitri is her guard today. He is her support.- Says F Dimitri in his gruff voice. Hrid looks coldly back at him, and you sense he is about to retort. There is tension in the air and you have to intervene.

- I appreciate it and you are welcome to stay, but he is right, Dimitri is my baby sitter this time.

- I understand you already have your support, but it would ease my mind if I could stay by your side. This way I can protect you and observe the way you lead your men. If needed I will assist in battle of course and like I said before in the meeting; you can use my men as if they are your own. As I wish you will see them one day.

-I… Thank you your Highness…- Dimitri was scowling and you could tell he was beginning to get angry.

-Were we not on first name terms _____?

-I apologize for interrupting, but I was wondering if his Highness would help me out.- The voice came from behind Hrid. It was Charlotte. Her huge soulful eyes were fixed on Hrid.Her voice was all sweetness and her demeanor bashful and coy. To her side Groom Marth stood looking at Dimitri.- Your sister said you could help me.

<<Oh Thanks GOD! I could kiss Fjorm right now!>>

-Oh Hrid this is Lady Charlotte of Nohr. She is a trusted friend and ally.- It had taken a while to warm up to her after the incident with Alfonse. He had to explain to her, in the coldest of voices that he was not interested in her in any sort of way and that, what she was doing was harassment and it was punishable in Askr. Prince Xander had been called as well and he had been even less lenient. After working with her you found out she was actually pretty cool when she was not obsession with someone. You even gave her pointers on what she was doing wrong with guys. Everyone knows guys do not like desperate women and she radiated desperation.

-I would help her, but I am afraid I am not tall enough.- Says Marth. Hrid excuses himself and goes to help Charlotte. You can tell he is very annoyed by the redness on his cheeks and ears. Charlotte turns to you and winks. Marth gives you a small smirk and asks if he can talk to Dimitri. They both leave to where King Dimitri is waiting for them. As soon as they leave, you feel someone tap you in the back. You turn around and King Claude takes a finger to his closed mouth and signals for you to follow him.

- Please tell me I am not as persistent and annoying as that man!- He says in a quiet hiss. You walk a little into the wooded area by the road and see a figure dressed in white waiting for you.

-Thank you Claude. I owe you. And for the record. You are not annoying at all and I enjoy spending time with you.

-Then minutes Alfonse. Make the best of it.- Claude says and winks. You turn around and Alfonse is blushing.

He walks up to you and takes your hand. He says nothing but his eyes speak volumes. His other hand comes up to your face and caresses your cheek. You lean into his touch and close your eyes. He kisses your forehead and then embrace you. You circle his waist as he cradles your back and head.

Meanwhile King Dimitri, Savior King Dimitri and Marth are talking to Fallen Dimitri. F Dimitri had gone to ask them what was happening to you and what was the deal with the king of Nifl. K Dimitri and G Marth had weighted the options of telling F Dimitri what they knew. They decided to tell him about the treaty and that he should be patient and threat the King with respect so that Askr could gain the aid they will need if they were to be attacked by another kingdom. They will tell him about the engagement after Hrid leaves.

-Yes. Apparently he is interested in building a relationship ending in marriage with her, but we all know she is not interested in anyone but Prince Alfonse. Still, we have to be careful and polite with him.- Explains Marth.

-Fine ,but if he so much as breathes wrong, her way I will cut his head off.- He is about to go when he is stopped by his other self.

-It is not wise to project your feelings towards her. She will not return them. Better men than us have tried and failed. She wants only to help you and it will only hurt you both.- Says King Dimitri.

-I understand who her heart belongs to and I would not come between them.- He wondered if any of them had seen the way you looked at Lif, or had seen how much you love each other, or if they only knew about Alfonse. The way he saw it; he knew better than any of them who your heart belonged to. Divided as it was.

Dimitri found you talking to Alfonse just at the edge of the forest by the road you were taking; but he did not approached you. You were looking at a map, but seemed to be talking about something else. He spied Hrid talking to the blonde girl who wanted to marry a rich man. Her charms were being neglected by the prince who kept scowling and sending you furtive looks. Dimitri could hear you talking thanks to his finer sense of hearing.

-Can we talk about that after the battle?- You ask Alfonse. He scowls.

- What did he do? Did he hurt you?

-What? No! He refused our help, just like you said he would. He left…for good this time.

- There is more.

-We should focus on the battle ahead. I don’t want to mess up something important because our head is in another matter.- Alfonse closes his eyes. He is loosing his patience and probably thinking there was something worst than what actually happened. You sigh.- I wanted to wait until later to tell you. The truth is just that, he refused our help, said he could never be my friend and that even if he agreed to be helped, he doesn’t believe we can help him. He showed me his face…then kissed me. - Alfonse palled and rubbed his face. He looked annoyed but at the same time relieved.- I did not tell him about my “memories”. I don’t know what he would do, if what we think happened to me, is real.- Alfonse looked even more relieved by that. Dimitri wondered what that meant.

-We will talk about this when we get home. Hrid will be your guard today. He asked Commander Anna. -His jaw muscles were moving with tension.

- Goddammit! Well so will Dimitri. I am not changing my plan. He is lucky I did not choose Grima. I’m being nice here Alfonse…a good girl Alfonse.- You smile coyly at him and at first he is confused, but you see him redden. He has no idea of your real meaning, but just looking at you giving him that look is enough to make him melt. He knows you are flirting, but he does not know the context. He is about to say something when you both hear Anna give the command to start the march.

After a meal brake, Fjorm comes to talk to you.

-_____. I heard my brother has asked to be your body guard. You have to deny him.- You look at her confused.- _____ remember our traditions. If he saves your life or Alfonse’s; you will owe him a life debt. I…do not understand him. I would not have thought him capable of using something like this or even demanding it of you, but he seems so different. I am not sure if it is because he has been alone without mother and Gunthra to guide him or something, but he looks different. I am just doing this as a precaution. I swear to you he is a good man and a honorable one, but I also know that he is stubborn and will fight for what he wants and what he thinks is best.

-I believe you Fjorm. I actually like him as a person. I just can’t help be angry at his ideas and the outcome of his requirements for the treaty. I will appeal to his warrior pride and make him be in the battlefield, just not close to Alfonse or Sharena. Deal?- She smiles and blushes when you take her hand in yours.

That night there is no time to put tents up. You put your roll up by Sharena and Fae who sleeps between you and Grima. You have noticed Grima had given the small dragon some of the candy you had given him. Fae is slowly becoming a younger sister of sorts to him. She started following him around and he let her after he was told she was alone in the world and had been isolated for a long time. She had been well taken care of, but had no living family. Although she had people who loved her and knew some half dragons, she was immediately drawn to Grima after she had heard of how he had been treated and how he had been isolated and alone. She had told you she wanted to help him. They were both alone.

You were awaken by a soft voice.

-The family has grown.- Alfonse’s smiling face is looking down at you from his sitting position by your head. You look around to find Fae had moved to Grima’s side and some time in the night, young Tiki had laid down on his other side.

<<OMG! What do I do?!>> You did not want Grima to wake up to find her there and get angry. You look at Grima and see that his eyes are open. He moves his hand from under Tiki’s head just a bit and signals you to not make a noise. <<Oh OK then..>> He closes his eyes again.

-Care to patrol with me?- Alfonse asks and you get up to join him. Hrid had, had the last watch and was sleeping now. You would be leaving in a few hours and arrive at the keeps before twilight.

-I guess it has grown. I wonder why the dragons just leave their kids so young wander around in the world, all alone like that.

-They probably have their reasons to do it.- He says quietly. You were thinking of arguing your point but remember that he himself was not as close to his parents and had had a more or less lonely childhood. If it wasn’t for Sharena he would have been much more of a loner. You decide to change the subject.

-Free for some hours then?- You ask. He looks back to where Hrid is laying asleep by his sisters.

-At last. Care for a tea after the patrol?- He asks you smiling. You take his hand and look him in the eyes.

-I’ll be happy to.

You do the patrol and drink some hot water since you could not find the tea. You talk for a while and fall asleep together sitting by the fire. This is where F Dimitri finds you to wake you up to re start the journey.

The second day goes on just like the first. Hrid comes often to talk to you and more often than not some heroes come to take you away for one reason or another. You walked alongside K Claude mostly and Grima who was followed by young Tiki and Fae. At some point Hero King Marth came to walk alongside and carried a sleepy Tiki who had placed a flower on his tiara. Fae pouted until Grima carried her as well. You looked back one time to find Chrome watching longingly at them.

You arrived past midday to the Keeps and after you help them all to settle and then seek Hrid out. You did not notice Alfonse had followed you and stayed in the shadows to wait for you.

-Hrid. I wanted to talk to you.

-Oh?

-You see… I don’t know how to say this… It is just, I wanted to ask you something. -He he looks at you expectantly with a small smile adorning his face. You also try not to sound flirty but keep it as interested.- I was thinking back at the time we found you in Muspell and remembering how you were fighting. Well the reason I was reluctant for you to be my guard was that I was curious about your style and I wanted to see more of it.

- Oh! I see. I was desperate and not at my best.

-Being desperate to save a loved one is probably when people are at their best in my opinion. Maybe not technique wise but at least morally.- He reddens and bites his lower lip a little.

-I would love to show you my style. Where do you want me?

<<Is he…?>>

-Umm. I was thinking of placing you, if you are alright with it of course; on the right flank, by Lord Seliph. That way you are in the fray and still close enough.

-It sounds good to me.- He says.

- We can talk about it after the battle. - You say because you knew he would want to hog the time again and because now at least you had something to talk about that does not sound awkward to you.

You attended the meeting with the Royal Army Officers. Alfonse had sent a messenger before hand to warn them. They had arrived some two hours before you.The plan was laid out for the officers and and after some debate it was approved. The Royal Army was very set in their ways and your suggestion on an ambush by militia attacks was taken with skepticism. You had met this kind of drawback before and it was always smoothed over by the heroes and Alfonse. The later had avoided your gaze every time you had asked for his opinion and you notice he looked angry. He had stood as far away as possible from you. Meanwhile Hrid had stood next to Claude which was as close to you as he could get.

As soon as the meeting was over, you sent out the mages and scouts to set up confusion wards in case enemy scouts came and saw you already there. Then mines were placed by the mages for when the enemy arrived. Not explosive mines but paint. The paint was magic and it help to immobilize , by temporally blind and confuse the enemy warriors; giving you precious time to attack them or retreat as needed. They also had the side effect of giving people hives. You seek out Alfonse to talk to him. You find him in the armory.

-Alfonse. I need to talk to you.- He does not turn to you and keeps on checking his gear and weapons. He looks like he wants to ignore you.

- I have no time. We can do this after the battle…unless you have someone to talk to later instead?

<<???>>

-Yeah… I promised Hrid we would talk about his sword style and technique…and that is what I need to talk to you about.

-I need to go check on the men.

-It will be just a minute…why are you so angry any way?

-What do you mean angry? Why would I be angry? Did you do something to anger me?

-I don’t think so…Look any way; Fjorm came and told me not let Hrid be my guard…- He looked at you now.- because she did not want him to save me or something and then I would owe him a life debt.

-What? He wouldn’t dare...- Now he looks even angrier.

-Yeah she doesn’t believe that either, but she says he looked different in a way and it is a “just in case” kind of thing, so I went to talk to him and ask him to fight. I was afraid for you as well as Sharena. It is better neither of us owe him something. - He nods. He still looked annoyed but at least he did not radiated that miasma of doom he does when he is really angry.

- I.. heard you talking to him.

-Oh! So that is why…Oh Alfonse!- You look around to see if someone is watching and take his hand. He leads you a little away until he finds a small door that he opens and you find yourself in a small closet full of weapon polishing products.

-I’m sorry I should have told you I was going to do that, but I didn’t found the time with so much stuff to do.

-No…I should not be jumping to conclusions. It is just…- He suddenly hugs you and kisses you on the forehead.- I…I love you so much…- He lowers his face and is about to kiss you. You feel like the butterflies in your stomach are having a party in there.

(Knock, knock)

-You two. It’s time to go!- Alfonse jumps back at the sound of Niles’ always suggestive words. You open the door and frown at him. Niles looks around inside the closet and smirks.- So…how was the sword polishing?

<<Oh I wish Niles!>> You roll your eyes at him.- We were only talking. You look back at Alfonse but he is looking down at his feet. You have never seen him look so guilty before. <<Adorable!>>

-Just talking huh…I love “just talking” with people inside closets too.

-Oh I wish Niles, but you went ahead an ruined it by knocking at the door. Besides we were in there for only like thirty seconds! Oh wait…Is that how long you “talk to people in closets”?

-______!!- Comes Alfonse’s voice behind you.

-.…Oh you got me good Summoner!- He says and starts laughing out loud.- I forget you are not afraid to use that tongue.

<<Oh Niles if only you knew… That’s exactly what I was trying to do.>> He looks at your face sees that little smirk and he just knows and laughs harder.

-Don’t worry your Highness. I am an expert at keeping secrets. I would give you fifteen minutes but we really need to go.- Alfonse comes out after you and his face is redder than a tomato.

-Wait. Let me fix your cloak.- He stops and lets you fix his scarf part of the cloak. You linger around his neck and then pass your fingers through the locks of hair loose from his crown. He is looking at you and you see his lips part and look at your lips for a second. His tongue comes out slowly to lick at his lower lip. The moment is so intimate Niles turns around to give you privacy and for once keeps quiet.

-You look good.- You tell him and his cheeks redden a little more.- Let’s go.- You say and both of you follow Niles out of the armory to Anna who is waiting for you.

~*~

The Emblian Empire attacked at midnight. The Askrn forces had let them get close to the bait, which was the keep where the the town people were hiding. Then the militia attacks were started in the enemy rear. Your surprise attack was successful and when they tried to retreat the mines enclosed them in where the men were not stationed. The battlefield was alight with fires suddenly burning, this way you could see where the heroes were and what they were doing.

From your position on one of the highest hills outside of town you could send the signals to the men and not be reached by enemy fire. King Savior Dimitri was by your left side monitoring the danger and the rear. Waiting for the moment he had to act.

Although you had smoother over the problem with Alfonse, he seemed still to be in a bad mood. He fights with the same skill as ever, but you could see there was something else in there. The same quality to his strikes that Lif had in his…like he really wanted to hurt something.

-Beruka tell Innes there’s an enemy sniper hiding far to his right flank over the tallest tree. - You mouthed over to Beruka who could read your lips. She nodded and before taking of to warn Innes.

Once in a while you look over to Hrid to check on his team and actually evaluating him so you would have something to talk about later on.

Next is Valter whom you had told to stay and rest after being on that hunt he went on. He seemed just as efficient, but there was a slowness to his strikes that if not corrected could end in a bad situation. You touch your medallion and say his name. It would let him know you are watching him or have something to tell him. He turns to you after making sure there is no danger.

- Are we the prey or are we the hunter?- That did it for him. No one would call him prey. He seemed to regain vigor, speed and strength.- Good. That’s my hunter boy.- You could hear Azura and Shigure singing over the noise. You turn to watch the others. Michaelis, Minerva, Seliph, Olivia,Eliwood and Roy, Hector, Rath , Eirika, Lyon and Ephraim…

You take your spyglass to watch the farther part of the field and spy on Xander, who is the leader of the Emblan army. He is watching you it seems, so you wave at him. He lowers the spyglass and for a second it looks like he is about to wave back but thinks better of it. This makes you chuckle. That man is actually a good man and you could understand his position. He not only kept Veronica company and keeps the vultures that try to make her their puppet away from them, but he had smoothed out some problems that could have escalated without his help. Without him the war would be worst and who knows where Veronica would be or what she would be doing. He kept her human.

Then from the North Eastern side of the Keep the flank breaks and reinforcements pour in. You knew about them and were prepared for them, that was what the mines were for. What you were not prepare for, was one of the heroes in the enemy lines. Adrestian Emperor Edelgard, dressed in her Reds and golds armor lead the reinforcements. You hear a hiss from S K Dimitri at the same time you feel your medallion warn you. It was Alfonse. You turn to watch him but you know full well what he meant. He points to F Dimitri. He has isolated himself as he always does. His backup Marth, is blocked form getting to him by a couple of lancers. Alfonse made his way to him, but before he reached him Dimitri looked up. It seemed like he could hear orders being given and recognized the voice.

Dimitri saw Edelgard and he froze for a second. Then he started to walk her way and he looked like he was not paying attention to his surroundings. Alfonse started to make his way towards him and so did Marth. You signal King Claude who is near by covering Alfonse, but he had already seen the scene unfolding. He started felling the enemies that were about to hit Dimitri. You signal Dimitri himself. At last he seems to react, but instead of returning your call, he started to relentlessly and brutally kill the enemies on his way.

You hear SK Dimitri growl in anger. You reach for his hand and squeeze it gently.

You can see with the spyglass that Edelgard has taken notice of Dimitri. She stands for a minute watching him and you see her close her eyes. The face she makes is almost one of regret. She turns around, then signals something to her men and she starts attacking the opposite flank. On her stead another hero is sent. Death Knight.

-Oh FUCK… Death Knight.- You had seen him before. That man was insane and brutal. He did not listen to orders and actively has tried to kill your heroes any chance he has. You see him make a bee line to where F Dimitri is trying to follow Edelgard.

You see it as if in slow motion. Ferdinand came down on Dimitri even before Death Knight arrived. You had not even seen him coming. He drove his lance with enough force to behead someone and the speed to not miss. He had the advantage of surprise. Dimitri could not deflect or evade; but before Ferdinand’s lance hit its mark; a golden shield came up to protect a falling Dimitri. Alfonse had reached Dimitri just in time to jump on the way of the strike and effectively striking the blond out of the way. Alfonse almost fell down with the force of the strike and the effort not to step on the fallen blonde. He stood with his legs on either side of Dimitri’s upper body. Then the second strike came just as he was trying to gain his footing. The force of the second strike almost made him stumble and had him straddling the blonde. Alfonse could do nothing but shield himself and Dimitri. He turned to see if Dimitri was alright and his faces were inches apart.

He was about to tell him to get up when they heard a yell. Ferdinand was falling down his horse and an arrow was stuck on the horse’s flank. Claude was covering him while trying to keep from getting hit by enemy arrows. This gave Alfonse the time he needed to get up. Alfonse was standing up when Death Knight’s scythe came sideways and hit his shield on the side enough to fling it and his arm away form his body. He deflected the rest with the sword.

Sparks like fireworks flew from Folkvangr. Death Knight was poised to strike again. Watching from the ground Dimitri was struggling to get up. He was backing away so he could get up and not be on the way.

You watch it all from your post. Unable to do anything about it. You feel like the life is draining from you with every beat of the heart. Hel’s scythe; coming down slowly and yet so fast. Just like it had done for Anna and Sharena before. It strikes Alfonse to behead , but the angle and motion playing their part have another idea. The scythe misses badly. He is falling down…

-ALFONSE!!!!!

…..He is falling….he is …. outside the Order's castle in a training arena. You followed him to see him train. He is doing something you had not seen him do before. He jumps and twirls his sword to gather power and at the point of the strike there is a beam of power coming out. The attack is one of the most powerful you had ever seen. It may even rival Aether.

-Incredible…- You say behind him. He turns and smiles at you. His naked torso glistening with sweat. In another time he would he dying of shame from being found with so little clothes.

-Do you like it? I am trying to create something powerful to kill her.

-Alfonse that is amazing! How do you call it?

-I don’t know yet…I want to make a future for us with it. Maybe then we can end this absurd war and get married,- He gets close to you and touches your cheek with his fingers. - My beloved _______. He kisses you slowly on your lips and then kisses your forehead.-…I might call it…

-DOOR TO THE FUTURE!!!!- Your yell resonates over the cacophony of voices and yells of the battlefield. Breidablik lights up…

A/N

This program is messing up my grammar instead of helping, especially names. I have no idea how many times I have gone and fixed them. When I transfer it to the page it gets messed up again. I think it gets confused because I write in different languages XD

As a side note, I am trying not to make Hrid sound like he is an asshole at all. I like him a lot, but the guy is in love and is very possessive and jealous of Alfonse who he believes belongs with his sister and passes most of his time with you so…He just wants a chance for you to get to know him and fall in love maybe…and maybe…and maybe…

I have this head canon that if Valter ever hears Guren no Yumiya from Attack on Titan it would become his National Anthem XD. Bless Natewantstobattle and his covers.

Have you ever wonder why Lif’s face and original skin only covers his nose and his mouth seems to be lost and to have no bone inside?….yeah…I do.

1. The song I am referencing here is the metal cover by Dan Vasc:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bS4Q-WWyl3Q

2. It is said that Grima is 2000+ years but I seriously think that he can’t be that much older than Tiki was around the time of Shadow Dragon. So to me he is still a kid. A very neglected and abused kid who is lashing out in the worst way, because he is so powerful. I am doing this because I think that a gown up Grima would be more a love interest and I don’t want that in this story. Also I ship him with Evostrashbin’s Summoner. BTW I’m so happy Evo got Halloween Mr. Grima! I love it!

3. Crazy He Calls Me. Natalie Cole’s version. I love this song all thanks to my father. I choose it because I could see the co-relation with the story line and situation.

4. I mean. I get that the order is supposed to be the good guys but dressing in white all the time in battle? That works well in winter and Nifl, but that’s it. That Lord of the Rings cloak, the Lorien Elves gave The Fellowship would be awesome to have for the Heroes on more stealthy missions. Camo uniforms would also work wonders on the Order’s favor.

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papers4me · 3 years

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Fruits Basket,Se03, Ep 8 (part 2)

I finally got my answer on how will kyo’s confession of kyoko will be & how tohru will react. I love the writing, the pacing, the monologue, the dialogue, the facial expressions, tohru’s reaction, kyo’s rejection & tohru’s shock. Even yuki & akito’s involvement! All of it was a chef’s kiss!

I went & watched lots of eps of se01 & 2 & I’m loving all the hints they dropped abt kyo & how his trauma was looming over him all. this. damn. time! Unfortunately, it has reminded me of how much tohru’s own character exploration was diminished in favor of her being the angelic mother & the sohma’s fixer! but moving on & focusing on her shining moment now! I’ll explore her character here with regards of her trauma, real hidden character & future development.

Kyo’s rejection is the best thing that has ever happened to tohru:

(don’t hate me before you read!) XD~ just like you, I’m mad at kyo for hurting tohru & I feel her pain. However, the writer didn’t write this with a sadistic desire to hurt us. Kyo’s rejection is the core of the entire story as it is not only connected to kyo’s trauma, but tohru’s growth & yuki’s emotional involvement with the two, as well as akito’s insecurities. I have explained in my review( part 1) how kyo rejecting tohru was a logical progression of kyo’s trauma, the only possible outcome from his perspective, & the themes tied with such decision. Now, I’ll explain why this rejection is good for tohru in the long run:

1. Showing the hidden ugly side: (The timid, shy, self-sacrificing girl is angry!): Tohru’s entire consciously constructed personality is borrowed from elements in her mom & dad’s life:

She mimicked her dad’s overly polite style to prove that she is indeed his daughter, so her mom won’t be called w*ore & to console her mom, so she wont leave her. She has deep low self-worth issues. I gotta become someone else to be loved.

she has inner fear of bringing shame to her mom’s name, wants to always be the good girl so mom’s get praised for raising her. Thus, hiding ugly aspects such as anger, loud voice & frustration.

She wants to prove that her mom chose right by not neglecting her. wishes to be worth needing & loving for her own self.

All she ever wanted since being a 4 year old child is her mom. No other desire for anything else at all. Since her mom’s death, she’s been lost on what to do, who to be, what to want! then it came to her to stick to her mom’s memory & live for her. Living for a dead person is a self-sacrifice decision. Tohru just didn’t see herself outside of her mom’s influence.

Ever since meeting kyo, he has been encouraging real aspects of her character: be selfish, complain, cry, get mad, yell, look pathetic, expose unflattering thoughts, show undesirable side, ask for things, no, DEMAND things. She has been reluctantly following his advice & only showing that to him. His confession & inability to accept her love has lead her to show the real hidden tohru behind the “ i’m okay” mask:

The timid, always smiling girl is now showing anger, frustration, stubbornness & determination.

screaming her heart out: “ i don’t believe my mom would say that” stating her opinion in firm voice.

“even if she did, I have to go against her” the real tohru shows her explosive personality that was buried deep down! it is NOT mom’s life anymore. It is MINE. I decide. I choose. I want. My decisions.

“ why can’t you see that?” argues with him. Tohru, who is soft-spoken & tends to get flustered when others insist, is now questioning his decision with passion & fierceness!

“ I love you no matter what”. Say what toy want. look at yourself as a monster, a murderer, a loser or a coward. I don’t care what your brain or trauma makes you think. I see the real YOU & it is my decision! I love you ugly & pretty, sad & happy, broken or strong, coward or brave. I take it all & no one is fooling me or changing my mind. I’m my own person & I chose YOU.

2. Letting go of attachments: Learning to LIVE:

Tohru’s attachment to her mom isn’t healthy. It’s toxic as it hinders her from being her own person. To be able to love kyo, she lets go of “ listening to mommy’s words” . Apparently, her mom condemned kyo as unforgivable. Tohru knows the real kyo & doesn’t even care for forgiveness despite her mom’s alleged words. Breaking the toxic bond. She formed a healthier bond with kyo. However, if kyo is unable to accept this love. what would tohru do? die?? kill herself?? kyoko wasn't able to continue to love her husband cuz he died. her reaction was neglecting her daughter & roaming away in utter grief. Tohru mustn’t follow her mom’s example. Not all loved ones leave us out of hate. Some leave each other cuz of death (kyoko/tohru), ( kyoko/ katsuya), Others might leave each other out of current traumatic pain, mental health, emotional hindrance despite loving each other so dearly (kyo/tohru). If kyo despite his immense love to tohru, can’t forgive himself, they won’t be together. tohru can cry, scream, yell, but if he doesn't overcome his issues & come back, tohru gotta let go. She gotta learn to let go & not kill herself over what she cant have.

Kyo, on the opposite, gotta learn to hold on to loved ones! Let go of pain but hold on to real ppl not dead ghosts of the past. He must learn to act on his own desire & need for tohru. Only when he forgives himself, he’ll hold on to her. It is then, that tohru will decide again if she’ll have him or not.

3- Wanting things doesn't mean you WILL have them: (You are enough by yourself- moderation)

tohru wants kyo, the first thing she has ever wanted. However, she won’t automatically get him just because she now learned to demand things. There are obstacles that can stop that. Tohru must accept kyo’s inability to be with her now & live healthily regardless. This ties to akito as well. She wants the zodicas but she cant have them! Emotional distance separate them. What will akito do if she can’t have what she wants? kill kurno? kill tohtru? kill herself? will this bring the zodiacs back? NO. You are enough by yourself. She needs to let go & learn to accept that love means acceptance between the involved parties, emotional connection isn't enough.

-Realistic depiction of romantic relationship progression: (thro better & worse). EPIC writing!

It is indeed fate that brought tohru back in kyo’s path 4 months after her mom’s death & the they do share a mutual past: kyoko. However, fervor grateful to the author for writing them falling in love together isn’t due to fate, coincidence, mutual past or similar personalities. Kyo consciously avoided tohru while tohru herself struggled to understand kyo initially. The author spend valuable time building their romantic relation based on mundane daily life activities. They themselves don’t quite know when exactly that they fell in love. when they recalled falling in love, we see them cooking together, talking, walking, eating, studying & opening up abt small struggles.

It is genius that the writer will add yet another realistic aspect. While kyo was able to read tohru & approach her when she’s down, this doesn't mean he magically understood her & will forever be on the same page & never ever hurt each other at all. If you fell in love, you are bound to be hurt by the person who loves you back as much as be happy together. It is realistic!!! Adding miscommunication & personality differences enrich the relationship. This relationship isn’t just fluffy & lovey dovey. They have realistic issues that they need to work on by communicating. Even communication wont solve their quarrel if it isn’t done in the right time & with the right desire to connect.

-The weight & future lessons learned from of “ I’m disappointed in you” for both kyo & tohru:

Right now kyo is too emotional to connect & tohru herself is too emotional to understand his response. Tohru understands his pain but her low self-esteem prevents her from seeing that he is rejecting being loved , not rejecting her. He is not rejecting tohru as a person but rejecting kyo as a person deserving love. Thanks to his “ i’m disappointed in you” which really leaves no room for interpretation from tohru’s perspective. I love that!!!! Kyo isn’t good with words. This has been clear from ep 1, his actions has always been his love language, but now he couples bad words “ i’m disappointed in you” with bad actions: running away. This is a perfect opportunity to build their future relationship on a solid foundation: ( off course I’m not belittling their current emotions, I understand why each is very broken now, but I’m talking abt future learning lessons)

Kyo’s current mistake: While him rejecting tohru is justified by the extreme trauma & is logical from his perspective. This doesn’t mean it isnt’t hurtful to her. He chose hurtful words to push her away mimicking how he pushed her in the true form arc. Perfect example of justified mistake yet still a wrong mistake. Thus, kyo needs to learn the effect of his words, he shouldn’t be punished for the past, for tings her cant control, nor for fate. But he should take responsibilities of the present, of what he actually says & does right now. He must fix this mistake with tohru. This is a mistake that CAN be fixed. someone that he CAN get back. a mistake he CAN stop repeating.He CAN hold on to her with immense desire yet allow room for her to decide for herself.

Tohru’s current mistake: Seeing herself solely thro being loved by kyo. she cant see that he indeed loves her cuz he rejected her. Rejection in tohru’s mind equal lack of love. Her mom left her, thus her mom didnt love her. This respective is very justified due to her trauma, & it is logical that she reached this conclusion. She isnt in his head, she cant know whats in his heart if his words say sth else. However, having a logical perspective doesn't mean it is right. it is still wrong to solely exist thro what you can see & hear. Real emotions run deeper. We must take things with moderate approach. Tohru needs to have higher self-esteem, to allow room for misunderstanding without completely breaking down. In her future life, she’ll be in lots of situations where ppl could hurt her intentionally or unintentionally. She needs to take things with calmer pace & open the door in her mind for doubt & better judgement. As much as loved ones words hurt, to build a healthy relationship, you must leave room for communication & misunderstanding. Hence, you’ll get closer & closer.

Side Notes:

I love tohru’s faulty attachment thro only being loved back exactly as she pictures in her mind. it is so human, so real, & so endearing! Very opposite of se01 & 2 image of her being the wise, device-giving mother with right thing to say & do. Screw that unrealistic image! allow tohru to be real! best ep ever! Hopefully, no more of this tohru!

Kyo’s constant repeat of mistakes is the best character trope done right! so realistic. It is genius that the author used this trope to humanize the demonic cat spirit!! what screams human better than the most annoying human trait: repeating mistakes!!!! Kyo, my son! it’s time to learn! cant wait to see how the author will do that.

young boy/ adult woman friendship? Was that ever made without disgusting sexualizion? kyoko isnt much of a mom figure to kyo, she tells me abt a husband, child neglect mistakes, custody! he calls her old hag & pushes her! XD. it is friendship!!

i’m mad they didnt focus on tohru’s face when she screamed at kyo confessing her love.. that's tohru moment. Why pan on yuki? you could’ve showed his reaction after she spoke. The same thing was done when tohru confessed to Isuzu!-_-! loved her angry face tho, it was beautifully drawn, so thanks for that. XD

Yuki is forever the best tohru/kyo shipper & the best tohru-happiness defender. I love how he runs after kyo & yet checks on tohru! I’m curious tho, he didnt hear any of kyo/kyoko confession as he was asleep, only the the “ forgive/not forgive line” so, he’ll be wondering forgive what? tohru’s mom knows kyo? I’m excited on how they’ll put things into context. also, I LOVE YUKI.

I’m forever thankful that everything akito is pushed into next ep. The knife wielding action & akito’s dramatic outbursts would’ve stolen from the emotional weight of kyo’s confession. Kyo’s secret is the core of furuba since ep, 1, the entire dynamics of kyo/tohru/yuki /kyoko/ hat is established based on this ep. Shoving akito, too, would create the same annoying train bullet feeling of momiji’s & tohru’s ep (ep 5 & 6). Emotional scenes pushed together with lesser time for the respective characters to have their well-deserved focus.

This is the most I am attached & satisfied with furuba! it scares me since ep 9 continues the climax. My fears of potential dramatic animation since the knife is there! moreover, akito’s own animation is always over the top. I hope they tone it down to portray her as a human more than a maniac.

Also, I hope they dont drag the climax more than that. What more you can shove in the dramatic raining weather. Tohru/kyo scene here matched the true arc scene bringing back parallel. Now akito/tohru raining scene next ep will match se02, ep10 scene. Now, what will the author do to defuse the climax? Often writing the falling action is harder than the climax itself. Falling action doesnt mean happy times & solving issues. It means dealing with the consequences of the climax. Let’s see what the writer has in store.

Based on the flashbacks, Kyoko didnt have ill feelings with kyo!!!! Until the last time he saw her as a child, she was happy with him. Even when he pushed her, she took it as a childlike behavior. at the accident, she didnt have much time to have any ill feelings. No way she thought he pushed her, no way she thought he could’ve saved her. So if she really recognized him, why would she say “ I wont forgive you”? it doesnt make sense at all. Kyoko doesn't hate kyo!!!! So, either he imagined, which is sth that I’ll hate so much! I spent so much emotions attached to a non existant words! NO. plz! NO!! Other possibility, she said sth else closer to the words! but then again how would we know? I NEED to know! ~ as expected, I’m still attached to this damn line! XD.

Kyo depressed in the mountains after kyoko’s death was very vaguely referenced in (1) se01, ep24 when kyo talked to kazuma! oh shoot! (2) in se02, sp 2 when kazuma thought back to kyo nearly killing himself in depression before meeting the dad, (3) in se02, ep 9 when kyo trampled on the flower! oof! i love this subtle style of writing! connecting the emotional dots! EPIC!

Various characters throut seasons 1, 2 & 3 noticed the real gentle kyo towards tohru: (1) Isuzu’s “ I hope tohru meets someone like haru, to gently open the door” se02, ep19. (2) Momiji having faith that kyo is the right person for tohru & pushing him, (3) yuki constantly musing over tohru/kyo love & drawing inspiration on wanting “ his own person to love like them” (3) Kisa saying kyo is kind to tohru se3, (4) shigure saying, you are exclusively kind to tohru se02, (5) Airisa saying, when will kyo confess in se01, (6) hana saying, marry my sister in the play & pushing him to not be locked! (7) yuki kicking him for saying “ its not your business” to tohru in kyoto trip, (8) kakeru saying “ kyo’s her boyfriend? “ AA~~~~ the whole cast know & can see his love to her!!! TOHRU! He doesnt hate you! KYO!! the entire cast thinks you DESERVE HER & is KIND! not a monster! Is there an image set of those moments of the cast saying that here in tumblr? kindly mention me to see it! I fear going to the tags & seeing spoilers T_T.

#Fruits Basket #Anime Only #Tohru Honda #kyo sohma #happy paper #final season #part 2

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paper-n-ashes · 3 years

Text

sparks and embers - chapter 6

Characters: Poe Dameron x Original Female Character, Kylo Ren x Original Female Character

Story Tags: Explicit (18+), Canon Compliant/Divergent (Set after TLJ), First Person POV, Love Triangle, Slow Burn, Enemies to Lovers, Porn with Plot, Hurt/Comfort, Kylo Ren hates Poe Dameron

Chapter 6 - Ruin

Words: 5.9k

Chapter Tags/Warnings: Mentions of war/death, kissing, a healthy dose of the ‘sharing a bed’ trope, ANGST, sexual education because who doesn’t want to read about that in fanfiction, vague description of a female medical procedure

Read on AO3 or Start from the beginning

A softened sigh left me, knowing it was probably time to let Poe say his piece. He’d been so silent until now that I felt compelled to hear what had been stirring inside his mind while I’d held him in quiet contempt.

“Alright. I’m listening.”

He flicked on one of the dimmed lamps next to the bed, a gentle glow illuminating the room, watching as he proceeded to carefully extricate himself from under the sheets, the soreness as a result of the rehab we’d performed today now evident in his concentrated expression.

I drew myself up into a seated position on the sofa as he made his way to sit on the small table at my front, not attempting to meet my eyes until he’d slowly placed himself down on the metal. His face was less than a meter from mine, pupils drifting upwards until finally, our stares locked.

“I’m sorry,” he declared, his words heavy. “I understand why you’re angry. I get it, okay? Years of battle after battle, fight after fight, it becomes difficult to consider those working under the First Order’s control as people. People with families, loved ones, even children. They appear as targets, there simply to be eliminated. And it’s you or them. Either you perish, or you put the rational thought into the back of your mind and fight back.”

Poe glanced down, fixated to the floor, his jaw tight. “I do think about it sometimes, the people I’ve... murdered. I’ve spent sleepless nights wondering if killing in the name of freedom was a good enough reason to send people to an early death. When you don’t see their faces it’s…. easier. You don’t see the bloodshed, the corpses. You just see the fiery explosion of their ships fading into the black void of space.”

I stayed rigid in the sofa, hands clutching the into cushions. It was difficult to hold down the simmer of anger that boiled in my stomach, since everything so far only reinforced what I felt like I’d determined hours ago. Even while my demeanour remained stormy, Poe continued.

“All I heard in my childhood was my father reminding me of the way he and my mother fought for what they believed to be right. Both of them lived and battled through a time like ours, under the thumb of a regime hungry for power, sparing no innocents in their pursuit of it.” He became lost in memory, the aura drifting around him stained with a subtle sorrow. “‘People were hurting. People were suffering. Your father and I couldn’t sit and do nothing.’ That’s what my mother had told me, a child of two, as her reasoning for joining the Alliance in their efforts to push back against what threatened all type of freedom in this galaxy. My parents offered to sacrifice their lives on the tiniest shred of hope that me, and every other being on every planet, would see peace in their lifetime.”

His eyes finally shifted back to focus on mine. They were determined, yet soft, the chocolate fibers of his irises melting together. “I just... wanted to be like her. Like them. I wanted to do what they did. I wanted them to be proud of me, to have faith that their legacy would live on after they were gone. To provide freedom and peace like they had. Even if that meant sacrificing my own life, even if that meant killing those who opposed it. I had to. I had to join the people that wanted the same thing as me.”

A growing ferocity began to radiate, his voice severe. “I witnessed so many of my fellow soldiers, my friends, die thoughtlessly at the hands of others. And I wanted them to feel the same pain that I felt. Is it hypocritical? Of course, I know that. Is it cruel? Yes, murder is rarely not. But it's in the name of protection, defiance against control from an overpowering force. Those who fight with the First Order, who take over planets and kill innocents for the sake of power, they know what they’re doing. They know the consequences, the outcome, the hold the galaxy will be strangled under if they succeed. And they do it anyway. Our cause isn’t more noble, it’s self-defence. We’re trying to protect the ones who aren’t able to fight back, and those who don’t deserve to be born into a world that will crush them into submission.”

Poe’s features turned darker, leaning in close. “I will never stop thinking about the lives I’ve taken. I will never not hold myself accountable for the sins I’ve committed. But I will also not sit and do nothing. I don’t need you to accept it, but at least try to understand. You and I want the same thing, in the end, to save as many people as possible in our short lifetime. I’m just doing the best I can to see that through.”

While I instinctively took a breath in preparation to speak, nothing came. He’d rendered me speechless.

I had no reply to give, no counterargument, no flaw to point out. His honesty floored me, raw emotion and long-felt guilt rising up for me to observe so openly. The pain behind his eyes seemed so much more acute than any of the other injuries he’d sustained, not trying to shield it from my view as he spoke.

I tried to find words, anything to articulate my forgiveness. Because I did understand. He’d made me see it, the same anguish over death that I felt. But he’d also made me realise what a coward I was.

Against the people who would kill him or control him, he fought back. While I hid myself away under the guise of selflessness.

I thought I was the hero of my story, giving up my home, my old life, for the benefit of the downtrodden people of this planet. In reality, I was a scared little girl, too gutless to push back against those I, and so many others in this galaxy, feared. And here Poe was, putting himself in harm’s way, every day, in the hopes that he could take away our fear forever.

He began to rise in front of me, taking my lack of reply as an answer in itself. He seemed despondent, his face sullen as he turned to limp back to the bed.

A different kind of fury coursed through me, fury at myself for how easily I’d judged him, at how cruelly I’d treated him.

I couldn’t let the night end this way.

I picked myself up from the sofa and quickly lunged at his wrist, pulling him to face me. He was surprised, glancing with wide eyes to where my hand had caught him, then to my face. I tried desperately to convey it there, everything I wanted to say, struggling to find my voice. Poe waited for me to speak the words I clearly had sitting on the edge of my tongue, but everything I conjured didn’t seem to be enough, the jumbled thoughts swirling incoherently in my mind, never letting me quite grasp onto them long enough to form exactly what I needed to express.

Tension filled the space between us, thick and overwhelming. I soon began outlining the lines of his face, the crease currently stuck in his brow, the curve of his nose, the contour of his jaw, the arch of his lips.

My hands found themselves catching each side of his face, pulling his mouth to mine in a desperate kiss.

I’d held it back for so long, too long, now unable to deny the burning urge to melt my lips into his. He was alarmed at first, his mouth frozen from movement as he comprehended my sudden attack.

Yet quickly he was syncing his lips fluidly with mine, a hand rising to clutch the back of my neck, pulling me closer. His casted arm curled around my waist, pressing my body into his, feeling the heat radiating off his chest.

The fire in my lower abdomen roared into bright red flames again, spreading into the rest of my body like molten lava. He tasted even better than I’d imagined, our tongues beginning to find each other through parted mouths. Fingers moved into his hair, hungrily grasping at the curled strands, causing a low moan to seep from his throat. The sound made me even more forceful in my need for his lips to be connected with mine, barely having time to breathe in-between our eager kisses.

I wanted to have him, all of him, so deeply it was painful, the searing burn lighting up in my veins.

Don’t do this Alexys. It will ruin you.

My breath hitched as I reluctantly pulled away, looking up, seeing his pupils swollen. He was cautious then, moving his hand from my neck to push a strand of hair behind my ear, almost if at any moment I would flee from his embrace.

And that’s what half of me was begging to do, the other screaming at me to lock our lips together again. I felt split into two, a cracking beginning to divide me roughly in the middle.

I could see Poe searching through my gaze, trying to assess my thoughts, whether it was safe to continue. He leaned in gradually, testing my reaction. I didn’t recoil this time. I didn’t want to.

His lips melted into mine, less insistent than before, although somehow just as intimate. Inhibitions lowered, my hands slid down to his chest, noticing the hard muscles underneath my palms and feeling the fire inside me surge. I wanted to feel the bare skin underneath, to have it pressed against my own. To explore the other parts of him covered by clothes. To forget even for a short time that this was wrong, that I shouldn’t be doing this.

Poe gently withdrew, leaning his forehead into mine. “I know.”

“Know what?”

He exhaled a long breath. “I know you don’t want to do this.”

I replaced my hands to his cheeks. “You have no idea how much I want this. How much I want you.” The truth of the words made me feel both vulnerable and safe, for the first time giving in to the yearning I’d hoped to keep locked inside my chest.

He tensed, a slight tremble in the arm that curved around my body. But his face grew sombre, almost... sad. “You don’t. Not completely. I can feel you wanting to hold back,” he murmured. “I can feel your fear.”

I swallowed hard, unable to refute him. “…I’m sorry. I want to. But I just… I can’t."

We both looked down, my confirmation making the tone of our connection shift. He was silent for what felt like a long time, and we stayed motionless in our embrace, neither wanting it to end, knowing it was inevitable that we would have to part.

“Why?” he breathed. “Why are you afraid?”

I wanted to be honest with him, like he had been for me, so much the sensation felt like it was clawing out from inside me, determined to burst through the skin. But there was a barrier there, one I had forged long ago. Unyielding and impenetrable to anything or anyone.

Although, I felt another realisation simmer to the surface of my mind, one that was not nearly as exposing, but still true.

“You’re going to leave. And I have to stay here. I don’t… I don’t want that to hurt any more than it has to.”

It seemed to hit him then, like he hadn’t let the thought enter his mind before. The awareness of our predicament shone brightly in his eyes, a light switch flickering on.

His hand moved to my cheek, grazing his thumb softly against the skin, my heart throbbing inside its cage at his light touch. I watched as eyes scanned over my face, back and forth, as if memorising the features. It was then I knew he’d come to the same conclusion.

It wouldn’t be long before we would part, most likely to never see each other again. If we went any further, if we crossed that line, the pain of saying goodbye would become so much more unbearable.

Almost simultaneously, we let our hold on each other loosen, the disappointment in the air almost palatable on my tongue. The smouldering inside had burnt out, suffocated by the gloom weighing heavy in my chest. Poe took my hand in his, his eyes pleading. “Can I ask one thing of you?’

I moved my head in a slow nod.

“Sleep in this bed with me tonight. Just sleep. I promise.” It was an earnest request, his face imploring and unguarded.

In contempt of the voice in my head bellowing at me that this was a terrible idea, I agreed. “Okay.”

Together we tentatively walked to each side of the mattress, making no rush to slip under the covers and settle into the pillows. I faced away, fearing if I looked at Poe's charming face any longer, I would surrender to the pull of desire that never seemed to relent. I didn’t know how I was ever going to be able to fall asleep like this, his body radiating an energy that vibrated into the space between us, keeping me all too aware of his presence.

There was movement, a dip in the mattress, Poe’s arms curling around my torso, pulling me close. His face buried itself into my hair, the warmth of his gradual exhale sending charged shivers down my spine. Placing my arms over his, silently accepting his embrace, I felt my heart thump a calming glow through my chest, all the way to the end of my limbs.

I’d never felt so peaceful, so whole, becoming lost in the comfort of his hold, wishing I could bask in it forever.

But reality bit at me, cold and uninvited, reminding me of the goodbye I would have to give soon enough.

We were still entangled when consciousness came again, the dim light of early sunrise leaking through my window. Poe’s arms circled around me, my body fitting perfectly into his.

He was still asleep, his face resting just at the back of my head, slow breaths bristling into my hair. I relished the feeling of it all, trying to commit it to my memory.

I stayed there, motionless, waiting for time to run out, knowing I would be chasing the feeling of this in the months, maybe years, to come. Thinking about his future absence made me terrifyingly lonely, even with his arms wrapped around now.

Eventually the seconds ticked down to my chronometer alarm buzzing, rustling Poe awake from his slumber. I assumed he would begin to move, pulling away, this one night that bonded us together finally ending. Yet he stayed as unmoving as I had been, the only indication he had awoken the increased depth of his inhale, a small tense of his muscles. I went to move, to switch the screeching sound off, but he clutched me back into his chest, squeezing tight.

As much as my heart thumped at the pressure of his hips into mine, the noise of my alarm was grating. “Let me turn it off,” I whispered. “I’ll come right back.”

Poe loosened his grip reluctantly, allowing me to reach over to the screeching machine and mute its sound. I settled back comfortably into his arms again, as he nuzzled his face into my neck, lips faintly placing a kiss on the skin.

“Poe… please… don’t…”

His sigh whistled past my neck. “Come with me, when I leave.”

It annoyed me, his fleeting demand so easily spoken. As if I could suddenly give up all that encompassed my life before he appeared, the beings that depended on me. But his voice was so sincere, so entreating in the early morning, that the irritation dashed away from the forefront of my mind.

“You know I can’t do that.”

He acknowledged my answer in the shift of his body from around me, moving himself out of the bed we had shared for the night and leaving me alone underneath the sheets.

It burned, the unprecedented disconnection of his shape from mine, my chest forming into a black hole in the realisation I might never feel him that close again.

I wanted to let my emotion to take over, to give in to the pain that rushed to me now as the finality of our night cradled together became evident. But I refused to release it, my resolve from the night before holding strong. I knew I’d made it harder by giving in to Poe's innocent plea of sharing a slumber within his embrace, but I wasn’t going to let our farewell completely ruin me.

With a forced composure, I rose from my bedside, focusing on the appointments scheduled to fill my day. Through my haze I recalled many of them being young female patients in need of birth control. I would somehow have to shut Poe away, wanting to give these women the privacy they deserved.

Poe and I appeared to use the ‘freshers at the same time, the searing heat I usually liked being showered with restrained no matter how high I pushed the temperature button. Eventually I’d readied myself for the workday ahead, deciding on a pencil skirt and lightened blue blouse tucked into the waist, working my hair into a ponytail.

It was when I’d begun making breakfast, for both myself and all the company that I kept in the clinic at the moment, that Poe emerged back into my quarters in a set of dark black hospital clothes. I glanced at him only briefly as he entered, hearing him pull out a chair, not daring to look at his face yet.

“Smells good,” he uttered, breaking the silence that existed in exemption to the sautéed chicken eggs and nuna bacon sizzling in the large pan in front of me.

“It’s almost ready,” I remarked, feeling completely the disconnection between us in his tone. Half of me was glad he accepted the separation we needed to make, the other mourning the severed bond we had formed in the connection of our bodies. But I had to let it go, whatever was left of the fragile link that survived the night.

I continued preparing the hot meal, separating the foodstuff between Poe and Vixur’s crew. Once I’d gently placed a share in front of Poe at the table, a smile meeting him fleetingly, I took the rest with me, balancing the four dishes on my hands and forearms, moving cautiously through the hallway.

With impeccable timing Vixur and his students were conversing between each other, obviously having woken just before I came to greet them.

“I’ve got breakfast for you all,” I announced, setting it down at the meeting table across from my computer. It was generally used as a place I could sit with patients and their families when giving them their diagnosis or explaining treatment plans, but today it would have to work as a secondary dining table. All four men jabbered back thankyous as they moved quickly to sit and eat, their appreciation evident in the way they gulped down the meal without hesitation. I returned to my quarters to find Poe picking lazily at his food, only a few bites eaten.

“Does it taste bad?” I asked from behind him, before circling to my seat at the table.

He looked up swiftly, as if I’d startled him. He must have been deeply lost in thought not to hear me treading down the hallway.

“It’s delicious,” he urged. “I’m just… not that hungry.”

“Are you feeling alright? Are you still sore? Are you-“

“Alex, I’m fine,” he interrupted. “You can’t fix a bad mood with any of your treatments.”

I looked at him curiously. “Bad mood?”

Did I do that to him?

“Did you not sleep well?”

He didn’t answer me right away, a subtle scowl settling in his lips. “It was actually... the most restful sleep I’ve had in a long time.”

I fought the urge to beam at him, a smile waiting to form, but the gloomy expression he wore held it down. I had to agree with him - it truly was the most comfortable rest I’d experienced in recent memory. And knowing I would never feel that peaceful, dreamless slumber in his arms again made me fully understand why he was frowning.

“Thank you so much for the meal Alex. I just... don’t have an appetite right now.” Poe rose from his seat and took his plate to clean, his sombre mood spilling into my body and taking over. Wringing his hands dry, He turned back to me. “Is it still alright if I keep using your office to continue working on BB-8?”

I nodded. “It would actually be preferable. Most of my patients today are women, and I need privacy for their appointments. I’ll let you know when it’s safe to come out, okay?”

Poe understood what I’d only hinted at. “Sure thing. I won’t step a foot out that room without your permission.”

A kind smile formed on his lips, but it fell as he moved from my quarters, leaving me to my breakfast, which now seemed extremely unappetizing.

“Well, Kaia, you’ve got a couple of options,” I started. It was my 5th appointment of the day, and I was starting to lose all hope in the young generation that followed mine. “You can get the implant, which lasts 5 years and protects you from pregnancy. But it can be a painful procedure, and unfortunately the implant itself is quite expensive. There are injections which last 3 months, but you’ll have to see me again in that time frame. I know that’s hard for you being from the South village. But there’s always prophylactics, which your partner has to use, every separate time you want to be intimate.”

Kaia was a 17-year-old human girl who had obviously not been taught any helpful sex education. Although, that wasn’t uncommon in these villages.

“But, like,” she began to question. “Can’t he just, like, not, um, finish in there?”

I drew in a deep breath. This wasn’t the first time I’d explained this today. “Technically yes, if he withdraws from you before that moment comes, it does lessen the chance of pregnancy. But Kaia, there’s a lot of fluid already leaking from him before then, fluid that can contain sperm. It doesn’t protect you. Not fully.”

Kaia was thoughtful, taking in my words. “But what if he doesn’t want to use the sheath?”

“Well... that’s his decision. But then you have to make yours. A decision that you’re more than allowed to make. One night could lead to either a future of motherhood or even diseases that could cause a great deal of damage to your body.”

“Ew,” Kaia recoiled. “I mean, I get what you’re saying. But Miss Jago, haven’t you ever been so swept up in the moment that you didn’t think about any of that?”

My jaw clenched, catching me off guard with her question. None of the other women had posed it to me. “It’s not been an issue for me,” I said flatly.

“Because of the birth control, right?” she surmised. “Which one do you use then?”

Oof, caught me out again.

“I don’t have the need for it. Kaia, this is not about me-”

“Wait, what?” she gasped. “But you’re so pretty?”

I soaked my voice in its professional tone. “This is your appointment Kaia, we’re not here to discuss my personal life.”

Kaia refused to comply. “But you’ve done it, right?”

I sighed, irritated. “Yes Kaia, but we took all the necessary precautions.”

“Well that doesn’t make it sound very fun,” Kaia huffed.

I tried desperately to hold back the aversion wanting to show on my face. It hadn’t been fun. It was clunky, awkward and somewhat painful. And I felt a spike of envy that this teenager already seemed to have had better experience with the opposite sex than I did.

“Look, your options are there. If I had to choose one, and I was with a partner I could trust had nothing that could spread to me, I’d go with the implant.”

She contemplated my advice, pulling her hands up to let her chin rest on them. “I think you’re right Miss Jago. But my parents would never help me pay for it.”

“That’s alright,” I replied, already knowing the home situation Kaia found herself in. She’d made the trek to my clinic alone, without her parent’s knowledge, just to see me for this single reason. I doubted they even knew she had a boyfriend. “How about I put the implant in today, and we figure out payment later?”

Kaia’s face lit up, eyes brimming with delight. “Really?”

I smiled at her and nodded.

“Thank you!” she squealed, face barely containing her excitement.

Really, this was for both her benefit and my own. I wasn’t about to face her parents when it would ultimately be me providing the news their daughter was pregnant. I didn’t want Kaia to go through that, a young pregnancy in a poor village after her parents would most likely cast her out.

“Remember I said this can be a painful procedure, and you’ll be sore for a day or two afterwards.”

Kaia nodded, understanding, yet unable to hold back her joy.

I worked my way through the process of setting her implant, my mind on autopilot while I thought more about the question Kaia innocently queried. I’d never come close to the type of desire that would have caused me to throw away all caution and rational thought. Not until-

“Hey Alex!” I heard from the other side of the curtain I’d drawn for Kaia’s discretion. “I know I said I wouldn’t come out until you said, but I’ve got something I need to show you.”

Poe’s voice was exuberant and proud, annoyingly unaware of the fact I had my hand in a very delicate place. My eyes shot to Kaia’s, her cheeks already flushing red with mortification.

“Poe!” I fumed, not hiding my anger. “I asked you to do one thing!”

I sensed his panic from behind the fabric separating us. “Kriff! Sorry!” His voice changed when he spoke next, a hurried whisper. “BB, come back here! We can’t show her yet!”

A streaming mechanical movement could be heard in my periphery, turning my head to see a shadow moving along the bottom of the curtain. I took the moment to stop what I was doing, covering Kaia with a sheet.

I was thankful I did that when the BB-8 droid slip through a break in the drape, caring little for what Poe had ordered him to do. His little head sat hovering above his balled body, for the first time actually staying in position. The photoreceptor, which looked like a singular eye, was also finally lit as he zoomed closer. While an impressed smirk started to beam as I realised Poe had managed to get his little friend working, it was rapidly overtaken by irritation at the droid’s lack of courtesy.

Poe was cursing under his breath, then apologetic. “Alex and uh, patient, I am so sorry. BB, get out of there!” BB-8 let out a few indiscernible beeps, a language I didn’t understand, although Poe seemed to. “I don’t care! They need privacy. You can see her later!” he hollered.

The droid made what sounded like a high-pitched huff as its head dropped, like it knew it had been scolded. Its head swivelled around on top it’s body and rolled away, again sliding through the break in the curtain.

“Come on, back this way.” I listened to the combination of footsteps and mechanical whirring move back into the hallway, a door eventually clicking closed. Looking apologetically back to Kaia, her face was still stunned at the intrusion.

“I am so sorry. I told him to stay put until my appointments were over. It’s okay if you want to stop for a moment,” I offered, trying to stay as calm as possible.

Kaia blinked purposefully a few times before being able to focus back to me. “No it’s okay. I’m ready.”

I admired her composure, while I remained silently boiling under the surface.

“What the hell Poe?” I snarled, barging into my office where Poe sat, seemingly interrupting a conversation he was having with BB-8. I’d clawed my anger into submission for the rest of Kaia’s appointment, but now it was ready to surge outward.

Poe stood, arms held up in surrender. “I know! I’m sorry! I didn’t think, and it was just really bad timing.” BB-8 beeped in what sounded like agreeance, rolling around from behind the office desk into my view.

“It was the worst timing!” I snapped. “That girl was 17, in a very vulnerable position, and you scared the living daylights out of her!”

“I know, and I can’t apologise enough Alex, really!” His face was pleading, brown eyes soft yet desperate. “I was just so excited about BB working again, and I wanted to show you.”

His sincerity disarmed me, my fury sizzling down, suffocated by his apology. I took a slow breath in, eyes closed, reigning it in further. “Please don’t disregard my instructions again,” I grumbled.

He nodded, as did BB-8, and my eyes focused on the droid. He was oddly cute in his appearance, his small beeps already annoyingly adorable. “Hello,” I greeted, all frustration now clean from my voice. “My name is Alexys.” I kneeled down to his eye level and he immediately wheeled directly in front of me, beeping somewhat of his own introduction.

“He said it’s nice to meet you,” Poe clarified, still hesitant at the easy change in my mood.

I looked up at him, curious. “You can understand those sounds he makes?”

“Most of it,” Poe answered. “It’s a form of Binary. Having him with me for so long helped me grow accustomed to the pitch and time changes in his beeps.”

My eyebrows rose, fascinated. “That’s so impressive.” BB-8 squealed in uneven time, his eye looking over to Poe, who almost looked bashful. “What? What did he say?”

He shot BB-8 an irritated look before meeting his eyes to mine. “It’s nothing important. His circuits are still a little fried.”

I wasn’t convinced, but then again I didn’t speak droid. "I'm glad you got him working,” I said earnestly, pleased there hadn’t been any type of casualty from his crash.

Poe sighed, relieved. “Me too. He’s the best co-pilot I’ve ever had.”

BB-8 whistled happily, evidently pleased with the praise, and its sweetness made me smile.

“Alexys?” Vixur suddenly called, his voice echoing down the hall. “Are you back there?”

I left Poe and BB-8 without a word, finding Vixur standing at the hallway entrance, his clothes smeared in dirt and dark grease. “Everything okay?”

Vixur nodded, evidently tired, still an accomplished grin filled his face. “We’re done actually. The comm-tower’s fixed.”

I wanted to smile back, to show my appreciation for his hard work, but it all became too hard to fake anymore.

This was it, the beginning of my goodbye to Poe. He would now be able to contact the Resistance, his friends, and he would soon be gone from my life just as suddenly as he arrived.

I forced the tears back as I hugged Vixur, doing all I could to hide my pain and show some kind of gratitude for the selfless work he had done.

Somehow Vixur sensed the turmoil simmering through me, patting my back softly. He pulled out of our embrace, speaking softly enough so Poe wouldn’t hear. “You needed this done for him, didn’t you?”

I nodded, the sadness hard to contain on my face. Vixur’s own expression was sympathetic as he squeezed my arm reassuringly. I didn’t need to explain anything, he just seemed to know.

“If it’s meant to be, you’ll find each other again.”

I drew in a long breath, furiously smothering the need to cry. I wanted to thank him more, for giving his time to me for little in return, but I couldn’t say the words out of fear the sudden sorrow would overwhelm me if I spoke out loud.

Vixur understood this, giving me a caring smile as he took his leave. “Well, we best be heading back to the village. I’ll see you sometime soon Alex. If I don’t, I wish you luck.”

And he was gone, the clinic door closing behind him, leaving me frozen in dread. A large part of me was reluctant to tell Poe the ‘good news’, but he’d waited long enough for his rescue from this planet.

I didn’t need to turn around to know he’d slinked out of the office to find me stuck where I stood, BB-8’s soft whirring following him.

“The comm-tower is ready, isn’t it?” Poe asked gently.

I forced myself to smile as I turned around, Poe’s expression not showing the relief I would have expected.

“Sure is,” I replied, the hint of quiver in my voice. “You can finally go home.”

I saw Poe’s lip tremble as he too attempted a smile, the disappointment in his eyes more indicative of his actual reaction to my answer.

Neither of us spoke for a long time, BB-8 looking back and forth quizzically, a few unsure beeps finally pierced in Poe’s direction. The sounds knocked us back into reality, as I moved to find the transmitter I’d stashed back into my tech station after determining its redundancy days ago.

The memories felt foreign, like they were from a different age. So little time had changed me so much, making me feel the most unstable and fragile I had felt in so long, on the verge of tipping into an overwhelming pain.

Poe had watched me in silence, unmoving. I eventually shifted the transmitter into his arms, an extremely aged, large box with an array of dusty buttons poking out of the rusted metal.

“It’s old, but it still works,” I insisted in a monotone, the emotion sucked from my voice. Poe only nodded, and gave me one last despairing glance as he turned away, carrying the machine into the study, BB-8 trailing behind him.

When the door closed, I couldn’t hold onto it any longer, the overpowering misery bursting free, its icy presence consuming me in a singular moment, the cold burn stinging as a few tears trickled down my cheeks.

What did I tell you?

The tears came faster at the sound of the voice, it’s condescension only making the suffering more excruciating.

No.

You’re wrong. I’m stronger than this.

I wiped away the errant tears defiantly, pulling myself together at the seams that had broken a few minutes ago, calming my breathing, trying to settle the trembling on inhale.

I’d made it through so much worse, pushed past crushing loneliness, fear and sadness, to make myself more resilient than I was behaving now. And I wasn’t going to let myself be caught in this vortex of emotion any longer.

I will not let this ruin me.

Next Chapter

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#poe dameron #poe dameron x original female character #kylo ren #kylo ren x original female character #star wars #star wars fanfiction #adcu #adcu fanfiction #poe dameron x reader #poe dameron x female reader #kylo ren x reader #kylo ren x female reader #I SWEAR KYLO IS COMING OKAY THIS IS A SLOW BURN

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my-bated-breath · 4 years

Text

On an Immensely Popular Post

Disclaimer: What I’m writing here may not be completely accurate -- like most works of art, literature, and even STEM tend to be -- and as a new fan of ATLA, a few of the metas I publish may be obsolete or unintentionally insensitive. That being said, I like to believe that I can contribute something valuable to this fandom. In all my (real) metas, I wish to be as objective as possible and not rely on my biases, fanon, or common “knowledge” that may just be misconceptions. If anyone reading this finds something to be false or contrived, I am always welcome to constructive criticism. What I am not welcome to is senseless hate or bashing.

My first experiences with the ATLA fandom begun a long, long time ago, but the most recent and powerful revival of my love for ATLA started with me actually watching the show and soon after, with me falling into the endless abyss of ATLA metas on Tumblr. Sifting through the well-written analyses and the emotion-based rants had taught me a lot about critical thinking and the power of influence, so now I’d like to present a meta that critiques an extremely popular post with over 60,000 notes. And since it’s so popular, this is the part where I must make yet another disclaimer.

Disclaimer: I hold nothing against lesbians4sokka (whose name has now been changed to comradekatara). They have the right to share what they want, but since this particular post has become so influential that it’s still being reblogged regularly to this day, I believe it is within my right to criticize it - emphasis on “criticize,” which is different from “hate.”

Now that that’s out of the way, let us begin:

Lesbians4sokka/comradekatara covers 3 main subjects in their post, which I will quote/summarize below:

(1) Ma/iko: “...the entire foundation of mai and zuko’s relationship was built on how miserable they were together, and how they would just sit there and hate the world together— letting their misery fester as they enabled each other’s depression— and I think that’s really unfortunate because they would work so well as friends if they weren’t trying to make their dumpster fire of a relationship work.”

(2) Zutara: “similarly, what makes zuko and katara’s dynamic so compelling is that they share the same flaws, only as opposed to mai’s apathy and misery, it’s katara’s rage and guilt that zuko identifies with. they both share trauma over having lost their mothers, and both in a similar way (sacrificing themselves for them) and they both cope with their grief through rage, often misplaced… katara and zuko have a deep & profound friendship, but if they were to be in a relationship, they would only bring out the absolute worst in each other thru enabling each other’s rage and emotion-driven decision making.”

(3) Z/uk/ka: this pairing makes for a healthy and wholesome relationship because throughout the boiling rock, we see that “sokka and zuko make an excellent team, as they balance each other perfectly. sokka thinks big picture, and plans ahead, but zuko will charge into situations.” They inspire each other, they trust each other unconditionally, they become more open and supportive of each other, they share a lot of common interests and narrative parallels, and in general, just make each other happy (which could work both platonically and romantically).

As for my response: I’m sure many of you are expecting me to start to save the “best for last.” That assumption would be incorrect because I actually have the least to say about point 3.

I agree that Z/uk/ka can be a good relationship. Their dynamic is funny, playful, supportive, etc. etc. (there are so many positive adjectives I could use to describe their dynamic, the list could go on forever). And they could make a great couple.

…

What, did you expect more from me? That’s it, I’m done.

I’m not here to attack Z/uk/ka as a ship, because while I can never actively ship it (I’m a sad, narrow-minded exclusive shipper, always had been and always will be) I can objectively appreciate them as one. It’s points 1 and 2 I’m more concerned about.

Now, since we’ve already begun working backward, I’ll begin my critiques on point 2: I could write extensively about the parallels between Zuko and Katara, including but not limited to shared pain and a few shared flaws - and just a few, because their weaknesses diverge in many important places. However, since I’m trying to write as objectively as possible and since Zuko-Katara parallels have already been discussed to death, my analysis will focus elsewhere.

However, something from comradekatara’s post that I would first like to address is this-

[Zuko and Katara] both cope with their grief through rage, often misplaced. in the southern raiders, they both act deeply insensitively towards sokka by acting as if his grief over his mother’s death is somehow less valid simply because he is a lot quieter in his coping mechanisms and doesn’t project his rage & guilt onto everyone else.

- or rather, the idea that Zuko and Katara’s shared pain causes them to act insensitively towards Sokka (and though the post does not mention it, Aang as well).

(Note: these points have already been covered by countless metas before mine, so you can skip/skim this section to read a newer argument in the next section.)

Even ignoring the fact that the Southern Raiders had many out of character moments, Katara’s insensitivity towards Sokka is first and foremost a reaction against his insensitivity towards her.

_____

Dialogue from Season 3, Episode 16 “The Southern Raiders”:

Aang: Um ... and what exactly do you think this will accomplish?

Katara: [Shakes her head in dismay.] Ugh, I knew you wouldn't understand. [Begins to walk away.]

Aang: Wait! Stop! I do understand. You're feeling unbelievable pain and rage. How do you think I felt about the sandbenders when they stole Appa? How do you think I felt about the Fire Nation when I found out what happened to my people?

Zuko: She needs this, Aang. This is about getting closure and justice.

Aang: I don't think so. I think it's about getting revenge.

Katara: [Angrily.] Fine, maybe it is! Maybe that's what I need! Maybe that's what he deserves!

Aang: Katara, you sound like Jet.

Katara: It's not the same! Jet attacked the innocent. This man, he's a monster.

Sokka: Katara, she was my mother, too, but I think Aang might be right.

Katara: Then you didn't love her the way I did!

Sokka: [Hurt] Katara!

_____

While I believe that Aang’s principles of forgiveness are morally sound, the way he pushes his beliefs onto Katara undermines much of her grief. At first, Aang tries to relate to Katara’s experiences by comparing them to his own, but there is a forceful connotation to his dialogue that suggests that Aang considers himself to be the moral authority compared to Katara. Hence, Aang judges Katara (“I think it’s about getting revenge”) without trying to reach out and understand her, forgoing the empathetic common ground in favor of taking on the moral high ground.

Thus, when Sokka tells Katara, “she was my mother, too, but I think Aang might be right,” Sokka is not only saying that Katara should choose forgiveness, he is implying that Aang is the ultimate moral authority on this matter and that Katara should accept that. Moreover, similarly to Aang, Sokka’s opening line, “she was my mother, too,” had the potential to establish common ground between himself and Katara, but the added “but…” places Sokka on the moral high ground against her instead. Of course, when we remember that just two lines ago Aang equates Katara to Jet, Sokka agreeing with Aang seems even more thoughtless and unsympathetic.

So when Katara lashes out against Sokka, ostensibly “acting as if his grief over his mother’s death is somehow less valid simply because he is a lot quieter in his coping mechanisms and doesn’t project his rage & guilt onto everyone else,” it is important to note that Sokka undermines Katara’s louder, more visible way of grieving as well (though that discounts that for most of the show, Katara only uses her grief over her mother’s death to sympathize with others).

Moreover, Katara’s line, “then you didn't love her the way I did!” is hurtful, yes, but it is not necessarily equivalent to “you didn’t love her as much as I did.” Katara’s love for her mother is different from Sokka’s because her pain over her death is different -- after Kya’s passing, Katara had to carry the emotional burden of becoming a pseudo-mother to Sokka (see Sokka and Toph’s conversation in “The Runaway”), a burden that did not cease after she joined the GAang (see the entirety of “The Desert”). To Katara, Kya was not only her mother, but the representation of the childhood she lost and the sacrifice made to protect her life. Sokka simply does not have that same relationship with Kya.

I do not mean to say that Sokka and Aang unfairly taking on the moral authority in this situation means that this authority instead belongs to Katara (and Zuko) - “The Southern Raiders” is filled with questionable moments from all parties involved. However, TSR is an episode that delves into Katara (and Zuko)’s relationship with a mother’s sacrifice, so how Zuko and Katara respond to this specific trauma from their past does not dictate how they respond to painful circumstances in the present/future. Let’s see how this is true.

Sozin’s Comet, Part 1: The Phoenix King

No doubt Zuko and Katara felt some form of frustration upon Aang’s disappearance, so let’s see how they “[enabled] each other’s rage and emotion-driven decision making”:

Here, Katara and Zuko make a decision together that turns out to be calm, rational, and not at all emotionally-driven despite their mutual frustration and worry towards Aang.

Sozin’s Comet, Part 2: The Old Masters

Zuko holds immense pain and self-loathing over betraying Iroh, yet Zuko and Katara’s conversation does not enable/exacerbate negativity from any party involved (since Zuko often translates his grief into anger, and Katara was evidently angry at Zuko’s betrayal). Instead, their conversation is open, encouraging, and constructive.

(Note: this is where the review of points made by previous metas ends.)

Hence, to say that “[Zuko and Katara] would only bring out the absolute worst in each other [through] enabling each other’s rage and emotion-driven decision making” - when we are given in-canon examples of the opposite being true - would be a sweeping and inaccurate generalization.

But for the sake of argument let’s say that, hypothetically, Zuko and Katara’s relationship would fail because they only bring out the worst in each other. And here’s where the argument falls apart for me - Is the argument here that Zuko and Katara have an incredibly meaningful friendship yet somehow this “friendship” causes them to enable each other, thus encouraging each other’s worst flaws and regressing each other’s growth? Is a healthy friendship - much less a “deep and profound” one - not one where two individuals can learn from each other in positive ways and balance each other’s shortcomings?

Or is it something different we’re saying here? Are we saying that two individuals can have a “deep and profound” friendship and yet the moment their relationship shifts from platonic to romantic, they are terrible for each other?

While many significant platonic bonds are stunted when they become romantic, I still believe it to be common sense that some of the best romantic relationships stem from a platonic foundation. But since much of “common sense” on the internet sees that “sense” is nonsensical and “common” is a nicer way to refer to mob mentality, I have done my research to show how Zuko and Katara could have been an excellent case of a friends-to-lovers relationship.

An excerpt from my meta, “Research Shows that Zutara Would Have Been the Ideal Friends to Lovers Dynamic.” (give it a read if you want to see references to relationship-research and an overanalysis on diction/tone)

The reason why Zutara is framed as a “toxic and unhealthy” relationship is that their romance would be a classic example of the enemies-to-lovers trope, a trope which modern media has not been particularly kind to. However, when executed correctly, enemies-to-lovers can produce a healthy and loving relationship, frequently relying on friendship as an intermediate between the “enemy” and “lover” stages in the most well-executed versions of this trope. Meanwhile, the trope of friends-to-lovers is just as popular as enemies-to-lovers, though the specific dynamic required between two individuals to achieve this transition is not well-known. Recognizing this, Laura K. Guerrero and Paul A. Mongeau, both of whom are involved in relationship-related research as professors at Arizona State University, wrote a research paper on how friendships may transition into romantic relationships…

According to Guerrero and Mongeau, “...scholars have argued that intimacy is located in different types of interactions, ranging from sexual activity and physical contact to warm, cozy interactions that can occur between friends, family members, and lovers…” Guerrero and Mongeau then reference a relationship model where the initial stages (i.e. perceiving similarities, achieving rapport, and inducing self-disclosure) reflect platonic/romantic intimacy through communication while the latter stages (i.e. role-taking, achieving interpersonal role fit, and achieving dyadic crystallization) often see both individuals as achieving a higher level of intimacy that involves more self-awareness.

In the rest of my research-based meta I demonstrate how Zuko and Katara’s platonic interactions in the show fit into the stages of communicative intimacy (i.e. perceiving similarities, achieving rapport, and inducing self-disclosure) that Guerrero and Mongeau describe as being mutual between friendships and romances. As such, crossing the line between friends and more-than-friends most likely would not cause a dramatic shift in the Zutara dynamic since much of Zuko and Katara’s platonic intimacy easily translates into romantic intimacy. I’ll end off with another excerpt from my meta.

Excerpt from “Research Shows that Zutara Would Have Been the Ideal Friends to Lovers Dynamic.”

“...it would be remiss to simply dismiss the Zutara dynamic as one that would instantly become toxic should they pursue a romantic relationship.”

With that little thought in mind, let’s move onto point 3: an exploration of friendship, romance, and why toxicity is not exclusive to the latter.

Let’s start with what I agree with:

“The entire foundation of mai and zuko’s relationship was built on how miserable they were together, and how they would just sit there and hate the world together— letting their misery fester as they enabled each other’s depression...”

I’m not sure how necessary it is for me to elaborate on this point given that it’s already been accepted by comradekatara and perhaps 60,000+ other users on Tumblr (a gross exaggeration but this remains unimportant), but in her essay, “Zuko, Mai, and the Nature of True Intimacy,” Araeph contributes more nuance to the concept of Ma/iko and mutual misery, stating that,

Unfortunately for [Zuko and Mai’s] relationship, Mai is and will always be a pessimist—a character trait, not a character flaw, in her. The key difference lies in how Mai and Zuko use their negative feelings. When Zuko sinks into negativity, he gives up on any actions that will materially change his world for the better; Mai, on the other hand, can remain negative even at the height of her character development, and it does not impede her ability to act.

So while Mai enables Zuko’s depression, Zuko does not necessarily do the same for Mai. Nonetheless, throughout their relationship for the first half of season 3, neither of them communicate constructively or push each other to grow as people.

This may be the third disclaimer I’m making, but I first want to say I have nothing against Mai. However, I do have something against the idea that “[Mai and Zuko] would work so well as friends if they weren’t trying to make their dumpster fire of a relationship work.”

Their relationship is a dumpster fire, yes, but will the flames cease simply if the amount of intimacy in the relationship changes?

comradekatara state themselves that their entire romantic relationship is quite depressing - they are only able to connect through empty physical intimacy and mutual hatred of the world. Without that, there is little left for them to bond over. Once Zuko overcomes his conflicting morality and inaction from the first half of season 3, he becomes someone who is strongly guided by his principles and beliefs. However, for the entirety of the series, Mai is characterized by her moral apathy. To cite from Araeph again,

It is moral intimacy that is the last and worst omission for Mai and Zuko… Zuko’s struggle to find and follow his principles is the most central aspect of his character, yet it is a struggle Mai neither understands nor respects…

Lack of moral intimacy (not sharing the same core beliefs) is something that applies to both platonic and romantic bonds. Thus, just as transitioning from a meaningful friendship to a romance does not inherently create toxicity in a relationship, switching from a romance that exacerbates one (or both, depending on how you interpret it) party’s misery does not necessarily erase the preexisting negativity in a relationship - perhaps some of it may subside, sure, but as long both parties continue to fail at communicating and understanding each other, even their friendship seems bleak at best. In this case, Mai and Zuko may work well as conditional friends, or in other words, friends who are only friends when they have something to mutually be miserable over. And this tiptoes the line of speculation, but they could be a formidable political team. But unless the Ma/iko dynamic shifts drastically in the lovers-to-friends transition, I’m not sure if there’s much potential in a friendship between them.

In conclusion, there is a lot I don’t agree with from comradekatara’s post, but if there’s one takeaway I want to impart onto everyone who’s read this far, it’s this: crossing and uncrossing the line between platonic and romantic bonds is not always a transformative experience for the relationship, and the nature of human relationships is a complex spectrum -- not a light switch that can only be set between healthy and unhealthy.

Thank you all for reading!

#atla #atla meta #my bated breath analyzes #this is more pro-zukka than anti-zukka #but I will include neither in my tags #zutara #anti maiko #once again this is a critique #not a post meant to tear anyone or their views down #my bated breath's posts

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linkspooky · 4 years

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Shigaraki’s Family

Shigaraki has to date fought against villains, won, and then taken something from them in his victory. This time however he’s not up against a villain but a bad hero. The lesson Shigaraki is going to learn from Endeavor is exactly as he says: you heroes hurt your own families just to help complete strangers. Family is more important. It’s also what makes him the opposite of Endeavor, Shigaraki always chooses his found family over his own ambitions, whereas Endeavor puts his ambitions to be a hero over his family. MORE UNDER THE CUT.

1. Shigaraki and Endeavor

There is actually a lot of connecting threads between Shigaraki and Endeavor’s characters. They are both characters who are considered inferior replacements to the previous king of both the hero and villain worlds, Shigaraki is called a worthless successor again and everybody prefers All Might to Endeavor.

They are also characters who both believe they need to become stronger than anyone. Their quirks are partially incompatible with their bodies and they often hurt themselves going overboard using them and because of that they feel weak even when they are strong. Shigaraki in part - chooses to have Ujiko experiment on his body, even if it is an influenced choice. They both try to settle things with power first.

However even in that they are different: Shigaraki was raised to believe by AFO that he owed AFO, continually made to feel unworthy for everything AFO had given him and had his ambition to be king of villains thrown on his shoulders. Endeavor decided to do those things all on his own from a position of relative financial security and safety within hero society.

However, the way they treat the people closest to them is completely opposite. The League of VIllains that Shigaraki creates is again and again remarked upon as a place where people are allowed to be themselves. The league is a place of trust and acceptance. It’s remarked several times that the league genuinely trusts one another.

Consider Shigaraki’s main personality traits, anti-social, awkward, immature. He’s modeled to act like a NEET and an overgrown manchild. He easily could have made no connection at all to the League of Villains. He could have stayed the person he was at the start of the story, someone willing to kill new recruits five minutes after meeting them. He could have even run things like AFO, choosing to either turn his followers into worshippers, or act entirely from the shadows controlling them like a puppeteer.

My point being - Shigaraki is not the easiest person to get along with, or even understand, and yet he made a deliberate choice to get closer to the league. The league is this way because Shigaraki is this way. The league values people first, because Shigaraki puts people first. It’s who he is at the core of his being. Tenko played with the kids nobody else would play with, stood up to bullies, and wanted to be a hero even when his father told him no. That part of Shigaraki hasn’t changed.

It’s Shigaraki himself who creates the healthy environment of the league. Somewhere along the way, Shigaraki began to consider them a family. Even if he’s not direct in stating it, or even as outwardly friendly as Twice about it.

Shigaraki’s definition of family is made clear in his dreams and flashback. Family doesn’t reject you. Shigaraki in making the league his family sets out to do the opposite of what his father did, create a place where the people close to him are accepted for who they are and valued as individuals. They aren’t judged by their quirk, or even their contribution to the team. Giran is saved even after he stops being useful, Spinner’s quirk is so weak he can only cling to walls and yet he’s trusted as one of the top members.

The way Shigaraki treats his own family - his allies is the exact opposite of Endeavor. He doesn’t try to control who they are, he doesn’t force them, but he does lead and they choose to follow. Even members who insist again and again that they don’t care about the other members of the league, and they’re not in it to help Shigaraki like Dabi are trusted.

Compare this to Endeavor’s interactions with Hawks, someone who has been in Endeavor’s corner from the beginning and yet someone Endeavor absolutely refuses to trust or even understand a little bit. Shigaraki always gives Dabi free reign, Endeavor snaps at and threatens Hawks several times, getting angry in all of their interactions.

If the League is somewhere where you are free to choose who you are, Endeavor creates an oppressive environment. Even if he is repentant about his past actions with Shoto, he still takes every oppurtunity he possibly can to mould Shoto into who he wants him to be.

Even post redemption - Shouto has to be his heir, Shouto has to master his technique. Not only that but if Endeavor suddenly decides he wants to act more like father and son Shouto has to go along with that too. Endeavor’s view of the world is still self-centered. He’s the patriarch,he’s in a position of power, and he uses that to revolve everything around his own desires for other people.

In Shigaraki’s words, Endeavor rejects who Shoto is.

Endeavor has status, prestige, and connections in the hero world and he uses that to get what he wants: Shoto working alongside him, Shoto learning from him, Shoto allowing him to pass on his technique flash fire. When Shoto is reluctant, Endeavor will put pressure on him, send him multiple messages, contact him when he’s not wanted. When Shoto doesn’t want to play father son with Endeavor, and only wants to apprentice to him in an official capacity Endeavor acts disappointed.

Endeavor still views Shoto as the one he pours the most attention into because Shoto has the strongest quirk. Endeavor creates an oppressive environment, Shoto is not free, Shoto is not valued as an individual.

The one good thing Endeavor does is back off with Natsuo and Fuyumi, and allow them to live in a house separate from him even though he personally wants to be with the rest of his family. However, his behavior towards Shoto for the most part hasn’t changed (which is you know the foiling, Endeavor did to Shoto what AFO did to Shigaraki).

2. Family First

Endeavor’s ambitions will always be more important than his family. We see this in the choices he makes so far his arc. Let’s look at the last thing Endeavor remarked upon before the battle started.

He regrets that Toya, a child he was responsible for died under his watch. We still don’t know the exact circumstances but considering the parallel with Shigaraki it’s very possible, Endeavor’s ambitions to be a hero were what directly hurt his own son.

If Endeavor is repetant then family should come first before his ambitions correct: but here are the choices Endeavor makes this arc.

Remember Endeavor is someone who literally tried to raise a child soldier, by forcing five year old Shoto into aggressive quirk training. He of all people should be sensitive to what exactly is wrong with the Hero Commission’s plans to use children and students as a backup against villains who will be using lethal force in a war zone to try to kill them.

Not only that but he chooses this action without permission and without consent of the families of the children. Natsuo and Fuyumi have no idea what is happening to Shoto right now.

In general, the heros choose actions again and again to put the people they should be responsible for into danger. When Midnight is being overwhelmed by villains rather than telling the children she’s supposed to be protecting to retreat from the monster capable of destroying cities she asks them to do something illegal.

Whereas, the league always makes the opposite choice this arc. They choose to protect one another in the tight knit family group.

The league watches out for each other’s well being.

Shigaraki’s first order was to bring his family to him. Gigantomachia would have made it to Shigaraki’s side already, if Shigaraki didn’t value the league so much that he protected them first over himself and instructed Gigantomachia to do so as well.

The heroes right now are choosing again and again to sacrifice not only the individual, but the individuals they are personally responsible and let them go into danger for the sake of a victory.

The villains are making the opposite choice. Shigaraki is personally responsible for the found family of the league as the leader, and the league’s every choice has always been to protect each other and put the safety of their allies first rather than sacrificing them for a cause. It’s even reflected in Twice’s final choice that leds to his death. He cares more about the league to the point where he acknowledges he might be thrown out after all of this is over and still chooses to use his last act protecting them anyway.

While yes, the heroes do make these sacrifices to protect innocent people. Innocent people also get hurt from these same heroes. Hawks was innocent, a disadvantaged child that the hero commission took advantage of. Shoto was innocent, but raising him up as a hero was more important than Shoto’s health and well being as a child. Heroes are supposedly making these sacrifices to protect innocents, and yet innocents still get hurt underneath the hero system that they’re giving everything to protect.

That’s why the themes of friendship and even family resonate so well with the league of villains because we’ve seen them consistently choose each other over and over again. That is likely what Shigaraki is going to awaken to at the end of his fight with Endeavor, that he’s not doing this for ambition like Endeavor, or AFO, that he really is fighting against the whole world to protect his small family.

#shigaraki tomura #league of villains #league of villains meta #shigaraki meta #my hero academia meta #mha meta #my hero academia #lov meta #shimura tenko #tomura shigaraki

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jaeminscoffee · 3 years

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The midnight man | l.ty

Pairing- Lee Taeyong x reader

Mentions- Lee Donghyuck, Na Jaemin, Liu YangYang, Nakamoto Yuta, Seo Johnny, Kim Doyoung, Ten Lee, Lee Dong Wook.

Genre- Horror!au, angst, crack, part fluff.

Warning(s)- Evil entity!Taeyong, Manipulation, Major character death (lmao you'll actually punch yourself towards the end), sexual themes suggested, impulsive decision making, talks with religion.

Word count- 11.83k

Synopsis- 'Lust though pleasurable, innocent and vice, thee shall stay loyal to thy partner regardless of wants. To betray thy partner is to deceive thy people and hence the kingdom. Thou shall pay for thy soul shall remain wandering, driven by the desires but, shall not be able to feel the human love thou took for a grain of salt. And all who shall follow thy steps shall face the same wrath.'

@kpopscape

This story is pure work of fiction and therefore doesn't speak about the mentioned members' personality in real life. I, in no manner, am trying to encourage hate speech towards the members so please don't come at me. This story was written using a mix of a bunch of urban legends and few made up by myself and therefore it isn't going to be spoken about the same way as it is in google. I also worked really hard on this piece and it's by far, the longest story I've written so feedbacks would mean a lot!, also it could get a little boring since i took time to focus on the side characters too. Make sure not to repost my works and sign it off as your own because that's a little disheartening and mockful towards the writer. So all credits reversed to @jaeminscoffee 2020©®

If anyone here doesn't know the story behind the midnight game, then read on! Because I've described it throughout the story! Happy reading!

29/10, Thursday, 10:57PM

"We need to do something this halloween man, Y/n come on!"

Your friends all collectively whined as you constantly kept rejecting their proposal.

Halloween is bullshit. It's overhyped and in all honesty, childish. You'd rather prefer staying home than go house to house and make a fool out of your existence. Not to mention you were all past the age of trick or treating. And to add on top of that came all the sugar rush you'd all go through at the end of the day. "For the last time, Hyuck we're not dressing up like crewmates and going trick or treating. I've got other things to do for the love of god" you grunt, rubbing the scrunched up skin to soothe the pain at the temples. University has been acting up again and so has life. "If your 'other things to do' is binge watch high school musical then no, you have no other better things to do" Yangyang bites back.

"It's just, I don't feel like it anymore, alright? It feels too weird going out asking for candies when we're all literally 19 and above. It's time to up the notch." you say, plopping down.

When Haechan called for an emergency meeting in pure 'among us' style back at the guys' dorm, you'd expected it to be about something along the lines of having to console Jaemin or someone for having been stood up on a date. What you didn't expect was to have the boys prepare an entire presentation on who'd dress up as what character from among us and who'd be the impostor, do a little play and then say 'red is sus' and then ask for candies. What made it worse was that you thought they were just pulling a prank on you when in all reality, they were dead serious which made you go, 'oh, oh they aren't pretending to be stupid, they're just in their original form.'

"It won't be that bad, doll. It's a genius plan if you ask me" Jaemim chirped in on the conversation finally after looking back and forth between you, Donghyuck and Yangyang caught up in a meaningless fight. "I don't see how any of this is genius, Jaem. If this plan's anything, it's stupid." You pull out your phone after making your way all the way to the headboard of Jaemin's bed. "How about we try out one of these creepy pasta games?" Yuta finally spoke up. Jaemin's brother, an early graduate, senior and of course a dear friend of yours. Yuta, despite the age difference between your classmates and you, had little to no trouble blending in with the tiny group of yours. Probably the only one who didn't behave like a toddler and the most sane one according to you. Yuta's been an amazing planner since junior year where you first met Jaemin, Yangyang and Donghyuck who then proceeded to introduce you to their senior friend group that consists of Yuta, Johnny, Doyoung; Donghyuck's cousin and Ten. You guys had a friendship the entire campus was envious of. But two year after you getting into the university, the seniors had to graduate. But that didn't stop all your bonds from staying as strong as ever. Not even after Ten got his posting in a town a little far away from the one you guys lived in. The distance didn't change anything between you guys and you were as close as you could ever get.

"Creepypasta?" Donghyuck inquired, looking straight at the guy who aimlessly scrolled down the screen of his device as Yuta didn't even bother looking up while passing the confused boy a nod. Sitting up cross legged from his previous side sitting posture, Yuta showed his phone screen to Donghyuck, who immediately got surrounded by the other two while you stare at the oldest in the room, slightly intrigued by the idea. "Creepypasta's like these horror-related legends that have been copied and pasted around the Internet by people who're too bored for their own sake." you explain as Haechan took the phone out of Yuta's hand who agreed to your explanation. "I read some sick games that I kinda wanna try out and see for myself," he said, looking at you with expectations and then the rest who seemed too immersed in surfing the website.

"Yuta, you of all people should know better than to think all these made up crap's real" you say nonchalantly.

Yuta's a huge skeptic, and so were you. Which is why you got along really well despite the mentioned age gap. The night gatherings back at the boy's dormitory or the girls (in this case, girl, yours) would always end up in narration of on spot made up stories of all genre, mostly horror because apparently according to Jaemin 'Rom-com's overhyped, sci-fi won't be fun when you narrate it out loud, mystery can easily turn boring, comedy, meh i guess, but a good horror story narrated properly, -yes, like you, Haechan- while adding jumpscares here and there could actually result in y'all being too scared to use the bathroom on your own'. And yeah, you'd startle here and there but the stories weren't believable enough for you to actually be scared. On the other hand, Haechan and Jaemin were scaredy cats. Literal toddler's who're so gullible, you could literally tell them there was an alien invasion news flash two minutes ago and they'd be hiding under their bed. And then there's Yangyang, he just doesn't care. He goes along with the plans solely for the fun of it and for the other's' (Haechan and Jaemin) reaction. "That's the point. I don't" he shuffled around to shift closer to you,

"Which is exactly why i want to try them out"

Maybe it's the feline that crossed over his body, maybe it was the fact that his spirit just wasn't ready to leave the human realm yet. Maybe it's the mourning of his family or maybe it's him himself knowing full too well his potential was truly wasted due to the fast departure. Whatever it was, his spirit was definitely made restless.

The world is a cruel place where harsh actions are always sugar coated by honey like words. It's how he knew the doings of his people were wrong that made him disappointed. The practices of the people, his people, were stupid, meaningless and only harmful to the human kind. They fend off the satisfaction of their almighty even if that means that there needs to be sacrification of their loved ones, their nemesis, or them themselves. And it was his ancestors fault for starting all these practices.

Passed down generations from generations was the curse put on the first of their bloodline by the princess he'd defied to go out and be ruthless by disregarding his duties as a husband, a father, a member of the royal courts and as a human being.

Lee Dong Wook. The root of all evil, the main reason the males of the family line faced the same wrath as him, all cursing at him but one namely enjoying his role. The pagans, dating back to the roman times era had a very, let's say, interesting method of punishing. The said lords they'd worship, the people following the religions had a strong belief that nature is sacred and that the natural cycles of birth, growth and death observed in the world around us carry profoundly spiritual meanings. Gods and goddesses of life, or say, death or anything else that exists beyond life and death, they believed in all.

The doings of his ancestors started off innocent. Sacrifices to the lords of goodness and tranquility, a peaceful life by the towns and outskirts, forgiveness for wrong doings and of course, happiness. It's how any religious rituals would go about and all were happy until the said betrayer of the group came in with that curse of his. 'The doings of his shall be repented for all the men following shall be the one paying it,'

At first glance when the man returned back to his royals, there were little to no suspicions of a curse being casted on him. He seemed normal to his family, his people except for the occasional forcing people to do something they despised. And it wasn't just the men of the family instead, it was all. But mostly the men, unless the same sin were to be committed by the females. Obscure behaviors have been asked to follow starting exactly at midnight to the witch's hour be it hurting your loved one, your enemy, doing sinful things, allowing self to get manipulated and mostly, shortening their own life time in the human realm. It was all unexplainable. Why was he asking people to do things like this but most of all, why are they even listening to him?

It wasn't until they discovered that Dong Wook, for one, was never the one who returned home. On a second note, he, 'Dong Wook' mainly only targeted the men whose doings were similar to his that was fueled by the same sin that had him going. Which only remained undiscovered. The curse was unbeknownst to all still, Dong Wook himself remained undiscovered. Or proposed by the elders of the community, his body remained undiscovered while his spirit roamed restless among the people.

The pagan romanticists are, in most cases, ignorant of the “paganism” they praise—the redeemed paganism of Christianity depicted in the transfigured water of the True Well of Life. Wrestling with the Greek gods, however, leads us to see the hyper-anthropomorphization of the gods with one intention in mind—justification of sexual lusts and displays of power over the weak.

The oldest written account of the Greek deities is from Hesiod. His Theogony, literally “birth of the gods,” charts out the genealogies of the major and minor deities in two branches. The first set of gods come into existence without sex. The second set of gods come into existence with sex; often very graphic and violent sex and they continue to have violent sex after their birth.

As Hesiod continues to describe the birth and death of the gods and great monsters of antiquity, the chaining of Prometheus to his eternal torment is described. So too is Hades’ rape of Persephone. Battle is depicted left and right, and “a terrible din arose from their dreadful wrath, and the work of power was revealed”. Lust, sex, and war reign supreme in Hesiod’s telling of the birth of the gods. Moreover, it is from this brutality and carnality that Hesiod gives them praise—only those with enough cunning and ambition are worthy of having the praise of the muses.

That the gods birthed through sexual lust are themselves lustful was not missed by Christians of the pagan community. Though St. Augustine received the Romanized version of the Greek myths, he goes to great lengths and laborious pains—using the pagans’ own prophecies —to highlight the moral depravity of the gods in Confessions and City of God.

His sin, after all the years, was lust and the want to dominate.

'Lust though pleasurable, innocent and vice, thee shall stay loyal to thy partner regardless of wants. To betray thy partner is to deceive thy people and hence the kingdom. Thou shall pay for thy soul shall remain wandering, driven by the desires but, shall not be able to feel the human love thou took for a grain of salt. And all who shall follow thy steps shall face the same wrath.'

Oh, how lust was a dangerous feeling.

29/10 continued. 11:28PM

It's how you all circled around in the living room like any other day that was comical to you. Instead of reading out your own made up story, it so happened to be the Creepypastas Yuta screenshotted for what he wanted to try out and see for himself. It wasn't even his idea to read them out. Haechan and Jaemin's 'too curious for their own sake' selves were the ones who wanted to read it out loud. "How about we sit in the order of who's gonna read out what and when?" Yangyang suggested, standing up from his seat. "Yuta read out the topics and we'll pick randomly."

"No fun! Hold up," Haechan did some pretty exaggerated hand actions before getting up and heading to his room, well, Jaemin's room to do who knows what. "Okay? I'll get the candles!" Yangyang said, him getting out of his seat too, "And I'll go get the bible, jesus christ" and Jaemin was out of his seat too. You look at Jaemin in a funny manner, as though questioning him with your eyes if he's actually going to get a bible or not, "What? I don't want to die young, I'm too hot for that" he said, before following Haechan's steps to his bedroom, "Yikes, you aren't going to die dude"

"Okayy, I'm back, make way bitches" Haechan dictated to which he earned a few groans and a smack on the ankle from Yuta, "Jaemin! I can't find the candles!" "It's beside the Reese's cups! Second rack inside of the refrigerator!" Jaemin says while walking back up to your tiny circle with an empyre comic in his hand and a cross pendant dangling off of his neck, "That's a bible?" you question. "Shush, do not question the power of avengers and fantastic four." Jaemin replies, holding the comic up close to his chest. You all collectively dismiss it with a concerned look directed towards the male, "Are we not going to question the fact that Jaemin keeps his candles inside the fridge?"

"So here's what we're going to do, I've got these tiny papers which have numbers from 1 to 5,because we're five people and I've folded the paper into chits, once i toss it, we pick random sheets and the number you get is when your turn to read is, any objections?" Haechan explained, "Even if you have any, keep it to yourself because I don't care" he bites in again while juggling the folded sheets in a closed palm while the other supports his body by it being planted behind him. "Okay I'm back with the candles" Yangyang finally joins in on the circle, completing it, "You took that long to find one candle?" Yuta asks, "No i was eating the reese's cups" he replied, wiping his hand on your jean clad thighs earning him a loud whine of 'Eww that's disgusting man' and a little too far from soft smacks on his shoulder, "You piece of sh-" Jaemin starts, "Okay all, Focus!" Haechan cuts him off, ready to throw the bits onto the space between the five of you in front of the now lit candle (Thank you, Yuta), and so he tossed it a little high up from the ground, letting the paper fall of his palms and onto the floor while being cautious of not throwing it anywhere near the flame.

"Now let's arrange ourselves according to the numbers, who's number one?" Haechan asks, Yuta raises his hands while pointing at where he's sitting, "I'm not getting up, y'all arrange yourself so that the person going second is to my right and the last person would be to my left", you all look at him nonchalantly, "What?" with a shake of your head, you proceed calling out numbers, "Number two?" Haechan shoves Yangyang back to take his place beside Yuta, "bitch." Yangyang seats himself beside Haechan, followed by Jaemin and lastly, you.

"First, Yuta!" Jaemin slurs the elders name, receiving a death glare from his cousin. Nevertheless, Yuta cleared up his throat and switched his attention to his phone screen, "The first urban legend is from Japan, ironically." He states as a matter of fact, "It's called Aka Manto."

"Aka manto is an urban legend related to toilets—particularly those in elementary schools.-"

"Is that why you take a relatively long time inside of the bathroom? Are you, you know? Tickling pickles with Aka Mant-ow! Sorry!" Yangyang was wasted as he was tackled onto the floor by Yuta, while the rest of you cracked up, "Now let's get a little serious, come onnn!" Haechan whines.

"This phenomenon is known all over Japan, with countless variations on the same theme. It usually takes place in a specific stall in a specific bathroom in the school. Usually it is an older or seldom used bathroom, often in a stall with an older style squat toilet. Often the fourth stall is the cursed one, as the number four is associated with death." "I'm so glad our university has only two stalls," Jaemin chimes in, suddenly grasping the cross pendant.

"Most stories follow this general pattern: while at school late in the evening, a student suddenly finds him or herself in desperate need of a toilet. The closest restroom available is one that is normally avoided by the students; it is older and less well-kept, separated from the rest of the school, and is rumored to be haunted. But with no time to search for a different restroom, the student enters. He or she does their business, and when they have finished, they reach for the toilet paper only to find that there is none. Then they hear a strange voice" Yuta looks up from the phone screen, "“Do you want red paper? Or blue paper?”"

"None bitch, give me the classic white,"

With a roll of his eyes, Yuta continues, "If the student answers, Red paper, moments later, they're stabbed and sliced up violently that blood seeps out of them, painting the walls of the stall red and it soaks up into their body, making them appear red", "And if the student responds blue paper, then their blood is going to be sucked up dry, leaving them dead and blue-faced on the floor."

"But! If you try to outsmart Aka Manto, by replying to question with, i don't know, "Yellow paper" then too, dead is inevitable, you will be shoved onto the floor where the spirit is said hold your head down in the dirty toilet water until you drown and well, die" Yuta ends with a shrug of his shoulder, "Seems pretty bullshit to me" and you agree alongside, though, it could be a little creepy if the existing legend did turn out to be true. "Okay next!"

Yuta leans back a little more, pressing onto your side which you took as an invitation to lean on his shoulder. When you did so, all Yuta did was beam at you and wrap his arms around you to keep you close after handing the phone over to Haechan, "If you want me to start reading you have to give it up for me. Give me the grand welcome that i deserve" the lad said in a childish voice which again only earned him a few smacks and half hearted applauds. "So this one is apparently called, the one man hide and seek" though all narrations were being taken on a lighter note, the mood set in the room gave you enough space to picture the stories, added to that came the factor that Donghyuck knows exactly how to narrate what.

"The "One-Man Hide and Seek", also known as the "One-Man Tag," is a ritual for contacting the dead. The spirits, which are wandering restless on the Earth, are always looking for bodies to possess. In this ritual, you will summon such a spirit, by offering it a doll instead of a human body." He lowers his voice while focusing solely on the screen.

"The warnings say that if you have any psychic abilities, you may feel unwell or be prone to accidents during the ritual." He raises his eyebrows, looking at all four of you in a curious manner. The things you need for this game seems lowkey sketch"

"One stuffed doll. It must have limbs, Rice, enough to stuff the doll full. One needle, and one crimson thread. One pair of nail clippers. One sharp-edged tool, such as a knife, glass shard, or scissors. One cup of salt water. Natural salt would be best. A bathroom, with a bathtub and some form of counter. A hiding place, preferably a room purified by incense and ofuda. There must be a TV in there." Haechan's face contorts with each requirement for the game. Letting out a defeated sigh, he hands the phone over to Yangyang, "Of all the stories i could've narrated, i got chosen for this and for what? Just to contact stupid poltergeists. Just play a ouija board and go"

Giving Haechan a sympathetic pat on the back, he takes the device. Looking through the screen he cracks up a smile, "Alright, listen up closely. This is an Urban legend classic"

"The Slender Man-" a bunch of 'aahhs' of realization resonate through the room

"-is a supernatural creature that is described as appearing as a normal human being but he is described as being 8 feet tall and he has vectors or extra appendages that are described to be as sharp as swords. The creature is known to stalk humans and cause many disappearances. He is described as a shadow creature that has a missing face. The creature fits into many mythologies in legends from nations such as germany and celts which brings up the possibility that he could be real." Yangyang pauses to add in a little more life to his reading while all of your paid full concentration to him

"A man named victor Surge found this legend and made his own version of it which he called slender man. The slender man is not exactly evil according to mythology but victor Surge’s version shows him as an evil creature that stalks humans to kill. In mythology he was actually trying to save you from a painful death by taking you to the underworld early." he ends, placing the phone down in front of him, screen down. "Kills you to save you from a death and collectively shortens your lifespan? Seems legit to me" Jaemin chimes in while the rest of you chuckle whereas Haechan pouted at the device in front of his friend, "I should've gotten that story"

"My turn!"

"So, ahem-" Once the focus is all on him,Jaemin looks down onto the device containing his part of narration. "- This is an urban legend about a girl named Daruma who was a young Japanese woman that died in the bathroom, which upon entering to take a bath, it stumbled and her forehead ended up against the edge of the tube, destroying it the brain, at the same time that her eye embedded in the tube , leaving it in consequence, one-eyed key and later , dead by bleed out." "Oh god ouch" You hiss as though your forehead was the one that hit the edge, " Her appearance as described is apparently; black hair that is entangled, her clothes rotting and made shreds. She only has one eye. Her left eye is completely open and injected with blood." "That's gruesome," Yangyang adds, earning a nod from Jaemin who's eyes were still fixated on the screen. "And apparently there's a ritual that you can follow to summon her into your house for twenty four hours straight" At the silence, he continues. "I'll shorten it, so you have to begin it right before your bedtime, shed all your clothing and enter your bathroom, turn off all the lights and fill in your bathtub, climb into it while being seated facing faucet, close your eyes and start washing your hair while chanting "Daruma-san fell down" and keep chanting that until you're done washing your hair, and yeah don't open your eyes."

"If you did it right then you'll get this image of a japanese who'll slip and fall in front of you. Even if you hear a noise behind you, do not open your eyes, no matter what it takes, Ask out loud, 'why did you fall in the bathtub' and let that hang in the air. With your eyes still closed, get up and out of the tub and be careful not to slip and do not drain the tub. Go to your room, don't turn the lights on, shut the bathroom door closed and sleep. Wake up the next day and carry on with your day and you'll apparently feel her presence alongside you all day. She'll constantly try getting close to you, when she does, scream 'Tomare!',"

"That means stop," Yuta adds to which you all hum in understanding.

"To end the game, capture her gaze from over your shoulder and say 'Kitta' which means 'I cut you loose' while swinging your arm in a chopping motion. If you followed the procedures then you'll be rewarded but if not then, run. That's all it says here" He stops, looking a little shaken at how he created an image of it all in his mind. "They didn't say how to get rid of her if you fail following the procedure?" you ask

"No." Jaemin shrugs it off

"Alright boys, my turn"

30th October, Friday, 10:53PM

It's probably how you read out your part of story telling, or it was how he felt the game was a little too unrealistic that had Yuta hooked onto the urban legend.

Yuta found himself at his dorm doing a little more research on the midnight ritual. A backpack already consisting of all the elements required for the game, 'could it really be played just by one person?'. Whatever it was, he really wanted to do the game. He wanted someone to accompany him, of course. But knowing his friend group, not many would be ready to play it alongside. Doyoung was probably busy preparing his resumes for his job interviews. Johnny's all the way back in Chicago for a little family time. Ten was a little too far from your town so he'd feel bad calling him all the way over just to perform a probably demonic ritual. Donghyuck and Jaemin are out of the question, they'd obviously say no. Yangyang has a company party to attend as the heir. And you had to study for your test on Monday so he didn't really feel like disturbing you though, he did inform you that he was going out to have some fun and that you could join him anytime. Closing his laptop with a sigh, he gets up and walks over to where his bag was sprawled across the floor, picks it up and makes his way out of the studio apartment like dormitory after grabbing his car keys.

Not like he believed it was real, it's incase if the legend turns out to be even the slightest of reality, he wasn't going to get his dormitory haunted, instead opting to perform it at the house he grew up in, his childhood house. That was left abandoned ever since they moved out months before his younger brother was born after his father had an episode still unknown to him inside the place. It was convenient enough to perform the ritual in and no one lives there anymore, and it was just a few minutes from where his house was anyways.

Reaching the place and swinging the backpack over his shoulder, he makes his way into the surprisingly still intact house. Not much time to waste, looking around, Yuta slowly made his way up the wooden stairs, the wood creaking with each step he took to prove the existence of this house dated long back. The guest room shut lock from lack of human souls even when they used to live there. The paintings still hung off of a single screw, nostalgia hitting him straight as he recalled the one time he was playing catch with a neighbor's kid and ended up breaking the glass frame. The wallpaper's adhesive seemingly had gotten weaker from how they had started coming out from nooks and crannies of the walls. The place, without doubt, looked a little creepy but nonetheless felt homely.

Switching on all switches from the main controller that was in the control room right by the end of the hallway, the entire darkness was replaced with light as the bulbs shockingly still seemed to function. The warm white colour of the lights took Yuta all the way back to his growing up years, missing all the fun he'd had there and all the memories he'd created. He, though grew up mostly by himself from how busy his parents were on the weekdays and sometimes the weekends, missed them more now that they live far off in Japan with his mother's family. Especially now that he was in the place they spent the most time together in. Shaking his head, he had no trouble navigating his way to his childhood room. Where he set the bag down.

He reached out to his back pocket to get out his phone, switching it on as the screen illuminated, 11:28PM, the screen read. To kill the time, Yuta set up all the items required in place to proceed the ritual smoothly. He pulled his laptop out of the backpack once he was all set to maybe watch something on the internet. It being other peoples attempt at the ritual he was about to perform.

11:55PM.

Yuta inhaled, having only a few more minutes until he had to proceed. He recalled your words,

"Alright boys, my turn" You snatch the phone out of Jaemin's hand who seemed really immersed in finding out more about the legend he just read out about, earning a pout from him. "I was reading" he let out in a whiny tone immediately going stoic after receiving a 'do i care' look from your end. "Okay, so the story I'm going to read out is called the midnight man, or the midnight game" You scroll back and forth through the pages the oldest of the group screenshotted. "From what he's gathered, there's not much backstory, but apparently it's a ritual or mostly a punishment that the pagan's use to punish the betrayer of the group who failed to stay loyal to their lords or the group. One of the people of the religion will summon the midnight man to an abandoned house where they lock up the said betrayer who'll then be put through god knows what by the midnight stranger," You stop to look up from the screen to look at each of your friends before letting out a sigh.

"My take on this though is that it's highly impossible since the rules here state that once you start the ritual you aren't allowed the leave the place until the game is completely done unless you want the midnight man to follow you around for as long as you live, so unless the midnight man actually favored the pagans, there's no way they could punish the betrayer without one of the loyal ones passing away along with the one being punished" you state, "But what if, it's the midnight man that they preach? You know, like, they could be praying the midnight man" Haechan adds in a point which seemed to make sense, "That's possible too"

"Why would someone preach an evil entity? That's so sketch" Jaemin asks perplexed. "They did a lot of sketchy things back in the days, Jaem. I wouldn't question it," Yuta chirps. "Is there any other backstory given about the midnight man?" Yangyang finally speaks up, "Well not really, but when i was taking screenshots of this it apparently started with a curse on someone whose identity is unknown to most. There was no such thing as the midnight game or ritual until the said bewitched man came back into town. I only know up to there, but there are high chances that he's probably the origin of the ritual." Yuta explains. "Why does Y/n get the best always, that's so unfair" Haechan's dramatic self whines while leaning onto Yangyang who rolled his eyes but nonetheless threw his hands around the latter's shoulder, "Anyways, the procedure for the ritual is given here."

"You need one candle, a lighter or a match box or anything that ignites fire, a piece of paper, something to write with, a sharp object, it could be a pin, it just needs to be something sharp enough to draw blood, a wooden door, and salt for protection-" You read out, "Now why the fuck would they need blood," Jaemin asks, shaken up. "That's for them to know and us to find out"

"Here's how the invitation for the midnight man goes. Begin prior to midnight,"

Yuta stood up from his bed, and walked up to the backpack on the floor, picking out the papers he'd brought along and took out a blunt pencil.

"Write your full name- first, middle, and last- on the piece of paper with your writing implement." He wrote syllable by syllable, Nakamoto Yuta. "Prick your finger with the pin and squeeze until a drop of blood appears. Dot the blood on the paper and allow it to soak in. Turn off every light in your home." He took out the small safety pin he brought along from his jean pocket, pressing his fingers hard and pricked into the skin as hard as he could, keeping in mind to not draw too much blood. Yuta let the droplet fall right in the space between his last name and first.

"Place the paper with your name and blood on it in front of the closed wooden door. Light the candle using the matches or lighter and place it on top of the paper. If you are using a taper, make sure it is placed in a candle holder." He walks up to the door and places down the paper with his name and blood on it, with the half melted scented candle he brought along. Yuta took out his phone once again, 11:59. "Knock on the door 22 times. The final knock must occur precisely when the clock chimes 12am. Open the door; then blow out the candle and close the door. Relight your candle immediately." He starts to knock on the door, drumming on the dusty wood, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22.

He checks the time once again, 12:00AM.

He leans down to pick the glass jar containing the candle, relighting it,

"I welcome you."

Taeyong loved the tiny creatures in the human realm. They were so naive and so, stupid but weirdly smart at the same time that made playing with them ten times more interesting. The callings from them, or the way they say it in the human realm, summoning the spirit was the only way he could gain access to enter the place. Summoning wasn't even necessary. Saying his name out was more than enough for him to go up to you. Midnight man, midnight stranger, midnight visitor, pagan's god, What not had the human's named him.

The only one besides his ancestor of said curse that enjoyed the power of punishing people was Taeyong himself. The youngest of the bloodline and the freshest of pagan's spirit, he loved the power he had. Sure he had no access to love, instead besides lust and range he felt nothing, maybe amusement too, but none other than that and he seemed perfectly fine with that. Human's always seeked lust more than love either way so he found no problem in being void of feeling a vulnerable emotion. Instead, he found love pathetic. Watching human's from where he lived, he'd seen all from men and women seeking love by going to heights of trouble only to waste away your remaining life with one partner. Leeching off of pleasure at times when you had a significant other. He always got a hearty laugh from all of that. According to him, if you want someone, get them. Instead of tailing them and trying to be a goody two shoes, just make them yours in a way that's inevitable for them to fall for you. Control how they feel. Easier said than done since he was the only one with the ability to do so, 'how fucking pitiful'.

So when he saw you and your small group of friends discussing about him, laughing at all the assumptions you made along the way, he wanted each of you to himself. "My take on this though is that it's highly impossible since the rules here state that once you start the ritual you aren't allowed to the leave the place until the game is completely done unless you want the midnight man to follow you around for as long as you live, so unless the midnight man actually favored the pagans, there's no way they could punish the betrayer without one of the loyal ones passing away along with the one being punished" you're smart and that was intriguing to him. He liked the way you thought of things and the male beside you too, you both seemed to take tales of him as a grain of salt and that, besides angering him, made him feel the want to prove himself to you. Taeyong found the other three cute, seemingly scared of him just the way he liked it.

His ancestor's who held the same power as him, the curse actually, came to be known as said lord because of their power of manipulation and to inject in their worst nightmare into their minds that had the people divide themselves into groups. One that believed the power they had was for the good and considered them to be their god, their savior. And the other being the one's scared of their power and the fear that the same faith would bestow upon them that had them pray for forgiveness for sins they never committed. So your friend had the point a little, but it was inaccurate. They believed him. Believed Taeyong and feared his power. He loved people bowing down in front of him, eyes trembling and body shivering. It gave him a sense of dictatorship. And he had set his mind to have both of you non-believers fear him.

Having been brought up with little to no love, Taeyong followed down the same path as his great grandfather. Not having enough time to feel the vulnerable emotion, he chose to go down the path of pleasure and power play. His powers though, seemingly stronger than the past generations, probably due to the fact that he was young, ruthless and free of care. He could make himself appear physically in the human realm in any shape and form, though he always preferred to go in his original, but less scarier form. His visuals were out of the world. He didn't have to scare people to make them obey, instead all he had to do was pretend to be there and just be himself and that only made humans seem even pathetic to him.

"Relight your candle immediately"

12:01PM, The main event.

"Keeping your candle in hand and your salt and matches or lighter close by, begin to move about your home. Should your candle go out, you must relight it within the next ten seconds. If you are successful, continue moving about your home. Do not stop moving until 3:33 am. If you are unsuccessful in relighting the candle, immediately surround yourself with a circle of salt. Remain inside the circle until 3:33 am. At 3:33 am, it is safe to stop moving or to step outside your circle of salt. You may also turn on the lights. The game Is Over."* You conclude. Hissing slightly at the sudden pain by your shoulder that was exposed from the minimalistic clothing you'd adorned, the stranger looking over it all smirked to himself. 'Got it'

Yuta opened the door again, mindful to keep his phone back in his jean pocket along with the lighter and of course, the salt be brought along. Starting from the end of the hallway, nothing seemed to change except now, the eerie silence was starting to bother him, 'Just 3 hours to go,'. He didn't miss a single corner, walking room to room, corner to corner, mindful to stay inside all the way. The temperature of certain rooms seemingly lesser than others. A cold pocket.

"There are few warnings too," you swipe the image to go to the next one, "At 3:33 am, the Midnight Man will leave your home. After he has left, you may safely end the game. Do NOT turn on any lights during the game. Do NOT use a flashlight during the game. Do NOT go to sleep during the game. Do NOT use a lighter instead of a candle during the game." Check. He had a lighter on him just to relight the candle anyways.

Taeyong, following the guy seemed to be quite impressed by his bravery. Not even the slightest of shaken up as he proceeded to walk about the villa. That's good, no slip ups and he seemed too good to mess anything up either ways, and that bored the entity. Where's the fun if he just succeeded?

To avoid the candle from going off at the sudden flickering, Yuta covered it up the best he could with his hands and checked around whether any windows were left open. Darkness engulfed the surrounding all of a sudden, the lad being taken aback, 10 seconds. He rushed to take out his lighter, 9, pressing the button repeatedly to ignite the flame only to get a small blue flame instead, huh? 8, running back full speed happy that he was in the premises of where his backpack is, he pulled the spare lighter, a brand new one out of the side pocket, 7, repeating the same process of flicking the button over and over, 6 until a bright orange flame engulfed the dark room, 5, he immediately grabbed his candle from besides the bag, 4 reaching in close by the wick, burning himself slightly in 3-, the process. Yuta heaves out a sigh of relief, while the spirit laughs at the frantic boy. 'He's cute.'

For a breaker, he took out his phone, looking at the time that seemed to pass by quickly throughout the ritual, 2:47 AM. A little more while to go until he'd finally get it over with. "Do not attempt to provoke the Midnight Man during the game." You ended for the nth time that night, "Which idiot would-" Yangyang asks "Haechan-" Jaemin pretends to cough while blurting out his best friends name, the mentioned feigning offence while tilting his head to the side, tongue poking at the insides of his cheek. "Seems like that's pretty much it." you shrug while the older guy beside you leaning back on both of his hands, "I kinda wanna try that out" Yuta raised his eyebrows at you. "Halloween night? We all go together" you chirp in, both of you whipping your heads to look at the three perplexed boys. "Uh, I have to water my fish on halloween? She'd get pretty thirsty". Jaemin's eyes wandered about, coming up with an excuse, "And I gotta walk my rock yo, physical fitness." Haechan adds, "Can I bring my fish along? She could use some exercising".

"Come on guys, it won't be that bad, we'll stick in a group?" You pleaded, trying your best to muster up the cutest puppy eyes. "I'm down" Yangyang shrugs. You do a tiny seal clap, looking expectedly at the other two, Yangyang and Yuta doing the same. "We stick together?" Haechan asks, to which the three of you nod your head,

"Alright then we're down too"

[3:04AM 30th, October. ]

A few more minutes left until he'd succeed, Yuta was starting to grow tired of constantly roaming. He'd usually not the one to wear out that quickly, but for a reason unknown to him, he felt utterly sleepy, tired, hungry and just wanted to lie down. He decided to take a small break, the candle still light, dangerously flickering but yet still intact. Yuta sat by the foot of the stairs as Taeyong looked at him with the same cocky smirk on his face, contemplating whether to pop out or not. 'Maybe let's make it subtle? '

Taking up the form of a black humanoid figure, Taeyong makes his way towards Yuta whose eyes seem to be dropping low with each passing second. Upon hearing the sounds of footsteps Yuta looks up, a hand on his forehead from the sudden throbbing headache. Letting out a loud yell at the figure in front of him that disappeared almost immediately, he rushed to grab his lighter again. The sudden temperature drop made him shudder. Taking out the new lighter, he pressed the button again and again as the time limit started to exhaust, 6, at a successful fire, he reached for his candle, only for the flame to go off when it neared the candle wick. "what the fuck.." 5, "come on.." he stated in a rushed voice, sure that he just saw whatever he saw once again. Finally flicking the button one last time, he succeeded in lighting the candle.

Contrary to popular belief, the midnight man didn't always radiate death. Sometimes he just messes around with the humans because the underworld could get a little boring. And as the curse states death and wrath is only to be faced by those who sinned and the boy playing right now seemed to be of no threat. All Taeyong wanted to do was get the guy to believe in his existence. Skeptics were like an insult to him. So if he had to prove himself and his existence on his own, then so be it. He gets some pretty good experience out of it anyways.

Yuta stood up immediately, remembering the warning's you'd stated, "Do not stop moving until 3:33am", walking back up the stairs, he took out his phone to check the time, 3:29am. Almost.

The same sounds of footsteps resonated from behind him, Yuta took an immediate U-turn. Going back down the stairs and roaming the empty, dark hallways, making sure to enter each and every room, keeping a mental note to thank his parents for having a slightly confusing infrastructure. The wax was almost completely out in the glass jar, but he had to hang in there for a little longer than 2 more minutes when he felt something brush his shoulder, much similar to how a friend would drape their hands over his/her friends' shoulder. He could've brushed it off as anything if it weren't for the sharp pain he felt right after the feeling of someone touching him. He's getting the proof he wants. Almost as if someone pulled his hoodie, Yuta stumbled back, letting out a shaky scream, tripping on his own foot, landing butt down onto the floor, catching a glimpse of the same humanoid figure he'd been seeing. He needs to get out of there.

Stumbling back onto his feet, Yuta bolted it upstairs, grabbing his phone once again to check the time, 3:32am. Reaching his room, he set the candle down right beside him, vary of the windows and doors, starting to back his backpack, the sounds of rushed footsteps running start to where he is ringing through his ears, hands shakingly packing his bag. Keeping the candle closeby, contemplating whether to draw a salt circle or not since there was only less than half a minute left when the same humanoid figure neared him with fast footsteps, reaching by the door frame with a loud agonizing scream only to disappear immediately.

Not realising the stress of tears flowing and the tresses sticking to his forehead, Yuta looked at the door frame in a perplexed yet confused manner. What the fuck was that.

Taking out his phone once again while grabbing his backpack, laptop and the car keys in the other hand, 3:34 am. He'd made it through. After reaching the front door, not even bothering to close it, he rushed to his car, starting it before pulling up your contacts, seeing the messages he'd never sent you.

Yuta san 1:39am: The boys said they won't make it tomorrow, it's gonna be just you and i

Y/nleE 1:43am: Why not?

Yuta san 1:45am: Dk, they said they aren't interested. So come near xxxx tomorrow at 11:30. I'll meet you there.

Y/nleE 1:48am: Coolsies.

Yuta san 3:38am: Y/n don't come here, gather the boys and meet me by Haechan's dorm tomorrow. The game's no fucking joke.

And with that he started driving away quickly to his dormitory, not once looking back at the house to see a human. Or a human like figure standing there, A bright red hair standing out due to his blood drained looking pale skin. A smirk on his face

Message not delivered.

31st October, 22:37PM, 2020.

Today was a weird day,

Having all plan's set two days before, you'd make sure to keep yourself ready for whatever you and your friend group were supposed to do today. You finished up all your assignments earlier that day to keep yourself free from afternoon and on.

The weird part was that, no matter how much you kept your phone for charge, each time you tried calling one of the guys to ask for the sudden bailing out on plan, which is a shocker because they've never done that, your phone kept switching off. You could've gone all the way to their apartment, well, dorm, but you decided to wait until later to do so. Maybe a few minutes before leaving to the place Yuta texted you so that they'd have no choice but to come along. Since your last time texting with Yuta, you hadn't heard from him. Granted, he did text you quite late at night saying he's going to do god knows what and to tell you of the sudden plan change, but you hadn't heard from him after, that being weird since he literally lives a floor below yours, he could've come any moment but nope. You kept a mental note to tell him off later.

You took out your phone once again to check if they'd sent any messages or missed calls only to have an empty chat box, other than that of your other friends that is. Added on top of that came the constant pricking feeling on your shoulder blades from the last day you hung out with the boys. The pain would appear randomly and it would be hurtful enough to draw blood, which is weird considering the fact that you kept yourself away from all sharp objects and had a full sleeve covering the area.

One stone, two birds. Taeyong's motto.

After having interfered with your phone, your friends, trying to keep you away from them until you'd go through the same as your other skeptic partner, Taeyong made sure that Yuta would be sick enough after returning home to keep him from even getting up from his bed. Temporary paralysis. Your other friends, of course they tried reaching out to you, only for him to cut the service to keep you away from them for a while. They got easily distracted from you ignoring their texts as they were focused on reaching out to Yuta.

Unknown: Hey Y/n, I'm Yuta's friend. He told me you aren't replying to his texts so asked me to do so.

Y/n: Who's this?

Unknown: Oh! I'm Taeyong! A close friend of well, your friend XD.

Y/n: Nice to meet you, Taeyong. I'm Y/n but it seems like you already know that.

Unknown: Yeah :). Yuta's on his way here and told me that you'd be joining us? Are you nearby?

Y/n: He left? No, actually, I'm just leaving my place. I guess I'll meet you there?

Taeyong: Meet ya :)

[23:22PM, 31st October, 2020 continued. ]

Hailing a cab to the address Yuta had sent you with his friends, Taeyong's number saved on your phone in case the later won't pick up, you left your place. Still feeling a little eerie from how Yuta just decided to leave you behind when he could've just offered to go together, which is pure Yuta style. He probably wasn't in the best of moods but he could've at least texted you letting you know of his departure from the apartment building.

The journey to the given address didn't take that long surprisingly. A little towards the outskirts of the town in a much aloof part but nonetheless, doable. It's not like you'd be alone there any ways. Paying for your fare, you took your purse, brushed your fingers through your hair to tame it a little from the ride, and turned towards the building, jumping slightly at the bright haired guy sitting by the front porch. Adorning the simplest of fit, a black knee slit jeans, with a graphic tee and a black leather jacket with a chain or two. He, in no doubts, was ethereal. His pale skin stood out the most in the street light if you could call it that and his lips seemed a little drained of blood, eyes hollow yet captivating when he looked up from the dirt below him to you who still stood yards away. Smiling, he got up, making his way towards after brushing off the invisible lint from his jeans, "Hey" he offered you his hands for you to shake upon reaching you. "Hey..? Taeyong, right?"

Wanting so badly to smirk, he only looked down with a silent snicker, looking up immediately to not look suspicious, "Yeah, Y/n..?" you nod in response, shuddering from the coldness of his skin, "Have you been out for too long? You're freezing," you exclaim, looking at him with a guilty expression and taking a mental note to hit Yuta for not arriving earlier. "Oh no, i just reached a minute or two prior to your arrival." you nod in understanding, withdrawing your hands from his hold, "By the way, Yuta called me a few minutes ago, telling me that he wouldn't make it and to just carry on" Taeyong said, looking at you with his eyebrows raised at your confused, innocent expression, his humane form threatening to change into his original form. "What? Why? It's like,-" you look down at your wrist watch, "11:50! And he's bailing out now?", smiling at you in fake sympathy, he replied, "he said he had other things to take care of," "But you said he'd left the place and was on his way here?" you ask, hands on either sides of your hip, "Last minute plan changes" Taeyong shrugs, "Anyways, let's get inside?"

He pointed towards the front door with both his hands, gesturing you to go forward first. And so you do. You offer him a smile before turning your back towards him and making your way towards the old house, the door seemingly open. Climbing up the stairs with caution, humming at the sound of dried leaves crunching up below your feet with each footstep. Taeyong stood behind where you two had introduced yourselves for a few minutes, a few more minutes. "Taeyong? Are you not coming?" you turn around slightly, looking over your shoulder at lad standing still, "Yeah, I'm coming" he replied soullessly, still standing his group until he saw you open the door ajar and then took his first step forward. Not bothering to go too quick.

The insides were simple, very very simple yet magnificent. The flooring seemed to be that of wooden finishing that creaked with each step you took, implying that of how old the infrastructure must be. You look around in awe, clutching at the sling bag that you carried along. You go corner to corner, not bothering to look behind to see if the friendly stranger was hot on your trail, instead seemingly being captivated by the olden time-ish wallpapers and paintings and antique pieces that the wall adorned. Taeyong on the other hand was just growing restless, 4 more minutes until he could play his next victim, he was growing frantic. He did follow you inside, instead opting to walk the opposite direction as you, towards where he'd hidden the paper with your crimson blood and name written on it, contemplating whether to just tear it and carry on proving his existence to the female in the room. 3 more minutes, he bit into his lips, "Taeyong? Look, i found something!" He heard you scream.

Puffing out a breath of frustration, Taeyong replied "Coming!" and he walked out of the room, hands in his pocket towards where you stood by the bottom of the stairs, looking at the lighter in your hand that seemed relatively unused. "I found lighter down here" you look at him with a tiny pout evident on your lips, looking back and forth between the candle and the guy, puzzled. "It must be some thugs who came here to smoke or something" He shrugged it off, taking the lighter out of your hand. It must be you over analyzing things but without a single light turned on in the villa with only your flashlight acting as a source of light, but Taeyong looked even more lifeless than before. Eyes dark ebony and dangerous, somehow intimidating, lips adorning a bright shade of red in contrast to how you saw it the first time, and his aura had seemingly darkened. 2 more minutes. You shake your head and walk up the stairs and towards a room which has it's door wide open. Choosing to lay out your things there, you stretch out a few stiff limbs, "So, me and the boys were planning on doing the midnight game, you know. One of those stupid creepy pastas? I can't believe all of them bailed out on me last minute," you speak particularly to no one in the room, assuming that Taeyong was listening to you, whose ears only perked up at the words midnight and stupid. Midnight. 00:00Am. The devil smirked to himself. Midnight, at last.

"I mean, Yangyang, Jaemin and Haechan came off as no shock to me- they're the other friend's by the way, but Yuta, it's weird for him to at least not let me know." You keep going, scrolling through your phone screen, only for it to load suddenly, No internet access. Sighing, you pull out offline downloads, "Did he tell you anything else? Like if he's feeling unwell or something?" you ask, letting the question float in the air, waiting for a reply. Getting known even after the passing of a few seconds, a minute too maybe, "Taeyong?" you stand up from the bed, well, the bed frame and make your way outside, "Tae?" you look left and right, searching for any moving soul when you feel your phone vibrate in your hands, and the sound of notification resonates through the eerie silence. You look down at the device in your hand, one new message from Yuta san and an immediate black out of the screen. Impossible.

You remembered full well charging your phone to a hundred percent before leaving your dorm. Hell, you even kept it on airplane mode your whole cab ride. Shrugging it off, you keep your phone beside your bag and then proceed to go out to look for your new friend? acquaintance? You didn't even know how to classify him as yet. "Tae, if you're trying to scare me, I'll give you heads up, it doesn't work on me." you chuckle, walking to the room beside the one you were previously lounging in. "It's past midnight and we both seem too uninterested to try out whatever we were supposed to anyways, how about we just head out?" you start, looking down at your wrist watch which displayed 00:09 on the screen in neon green. "I mean, it was stupid enough that my friends and i even decided to try it out knowing it's some made up shit to scare some seven olds, probably" you continue, feeling as though you're talking to the walls at the lack of response. "Taeyong, come on. I'm growing bored."

"Tae-" "You know, the way you logicised made it seem like you're smart enough. It was impressive," you hear his voice, a little too hoarse and plain for your liking, he continued before you could muster up a reply, "But seems like you aren't all that smart after all, seeing how you believed a total stranger and are even ready to spend time with him." you look around the place, only hearing his voice but his figure to be nowhere near you, "Taeyong, what are you talking about?" you head out of the room you currently stood in, jogging to catch his voice.

"It was a little angering you know? The way you spoke about me and my followers, it was disrespectful. And I could've taken you then and there, but what to do. You seemed too cute to take your soul without a small game? Is that what you humans call it?" You feel breathing fanning the nape of your neck and a cold air following it right after, making you turn back, "Your friend got his share of play" you whip your head forward, finally seeing the male in front of you, standing by the door frame of a connective hallway, you swore you felt his presence behind you though. His infamous smirk still adorning his features. Figure a little more towering and intimidating. If you thought he couldn't have seemed more lifeless a few minutes ago, then his appearance now only seemed to prove you wrong. "So it's only fair if you got your part of the play too, right?"

"Taeyong, you're only making your existence weird for me, let's go if you're done." He only tilted his head in amusement, "Oh it's only about to get weirder, darling" You turn back to face a blood red shot eyed male, well, Taeyong, eliciting a gasp from you, you look over your shoulder to see the place where Taeyong stood a blink of eye ago. "How..did-" His chest visibly vibrated from the hearty laugh he let out, "How did I do that?," you step back as his voice dropped even lower, only for you to bump your back into something rigid, something cold, making you let out a yelp as Taeyong seemed to stand still in front of you, "I can do a whole lot of things," you feared turning back, the insides of your stomach hurdling around as whatever was behind you reached their arms up and held you still in a vice grip. "Y/n!" you hear a voice scream from downstairs, "Y/n! Come out! We need to get out of here!" you recognize the voice as that of your friends, Yuta's.

You squirm hard to loosen the person's grip on your shoulder. Once succeeding, you bolt down the stairs, skipping a few steps, tripping now and then but nevertheless making it down without landing face first as you hear Taeyong's laugh thunder throughout the place. You take a turn to reach the front door, where Yuta stood in all his glory. You immediately run into his embrace, ignoring how his body seemed just as cold as the one you felt from whatever Taeyong was, "Y-yuta, he's sick, let's go, we need to go!" you try pulling Yuta's body a little closer to the exit, only for him to stand his ground, wrapping his hands around you even tighter as he caressed your hair, "Oh, Y/n.." your body goes stiff as your eyebrows furrowed in confusion, that sounded nothing like your best friend, "Yuta..?"

You try pulling your head away from the nape of his neck to look at him, "No darling, it's 'stupid made up shit''," his body vibrated once again from the laughing against yours, as you feel yourself growing scared each passing second. You try mustering up all your strength to bring it to his sides and push him away when you feel a plush yet cold muscle press against your neck, only for it to go futile. "Still made up for you?" you feel a sharp pang of pain flow through your nerves, result of him biting the skin in a manner far too away from soft, "Taeyon-g- lord--midnight man, whatever you are.. I'm --sorry" you say in a hushed voice, scared that if you voiced out a little louder, he'd pounce at you. You feel him nibble at the soft skin, making you whimper, "Oh no, darling, do not apologize. Your doings really intoxicated me. Kept me entertained for a while."

"But now, it's angering me to know a feeble creature as you kept poking fun at my people. At me. And I want no more than to turn you into something belonging to me. Who'd worship me the way 'my people' do." He whispered against the area, lifting his head up and leaning down, making sure not to let go of his grip on you, "oh no, pretty girls aren't supposed to cry. Tsk tsk, what is this, Y/n" His eyes bore holes onto the crown of your head. "Look at me." he acted on making you look at him faster than you could, "Could you beg for forgiveness? Give me a piece of yourself?" he inched closer to your face, a small snarl escaping his throat at your scared and trembling figure, "Or you could just be my queen and come below with me, and you'd not have to cut down your lifespan"

"Are you turned on by all of this, Y/n? Or is it out of fear?" you let out a shaky breath as the tip of his nose touched yours, "Because i can smell you from here and oh," he let out what sounded like an animalistic growl, "Is it delicious.". "Taeyong, please let me go.. I'm sorry. I really am, just please don't hurt me,-" you let out a whine of pain when you feel his other hand knot his fingers in your locks and pull it back with much aggression, immediately planting his lips onto your trembling once, bearing his fang like teeth into plush flesh to draw out blood, earning a loud high pitched scream from your end as you try your best to push him away, futile once again. His hands tighten their grip at the waist while his other hand pulled your head further back, latching onto the firm skin of your neck, treating it with the same aggression, puncturing through the skin with his teeth as your hands go limp beside your body, nevertheless, letting out a whimper from the harsh treatment, which, in all your defense couldn't be help since you still are a human with all emotion any human would feel, that including lust. You feel his cold lips curve into a smirk against where blood flowed out, lapping it up with his tongue as you feel your vision blacken the more as time went by.

"Oh darling you're no different than me.."

4th November, 19:48Pm, 2020.

"She's awake!!" you blink multiple times to get accustomed to the blaring lights in the room, a comfortable white filling your eyesight. You move your head towards the side to find all your friends sprawled out on each side. A drip connected to your hands making you squint in confusion, "Can you hear us, Y/n?" you feel your shoulders being shaken as jolt, "Hey? Yeah i can hear you, why won't i be able to?" you ask, confusion still laced in your voice, "Because you hadn't responded to us the last time we called you. And because you've been laying dead the past few days" Jaemin spoke up first, earning a smack from his elder brother

"Why didn't you stop when we screamed your name the other day, Y/n? You literally weren't breathing the day we found you" Yangyang inquired and stated, "And why did you leave us all on seen??" Haechan added, "Most of all, where were you even??" Yuta spoke. You hiss at all the questions being thrown at you as you try sitting up by the inclined hospital bed, "Screamed? Didn't respond? I left you on seen? That's highly impossible and where was i??" you stare blankly at the plain wall in front of you, trying to remember any such episode. The more you strained your head, the more clueless you grew. Your throat starts to grow dry so you turn your neck to check if there are any water bottles nearby, only for a sharp pain to flow through your nerves at a particular spot in your throat. You yelp at the sudden pain, "I'll get the doctor," Haechan rushed outside, when you reached out to touch your neck, feeling it with the tips of your finger, feeling in the swollen skin, the dried up blood when it all hit you. Your eyes grow wide as you start shaking, for it to be first noticed by Yuta, "Yuta, that house! The game, it's all real! I saw hi-him, his name! I swear he's real!" growing concerned at your sudden frenzy behavior, Yuta kneeled down beside your bed, holding your non-injected hand giving it a comforting behavior.

"Calm down, angel. Tell me point by point," he encouraged you to take in a long breath, as Haechan rushed in along with the doctor whose face was half covered with a doctor's mask, "Doctor, he-he's probably out for me, you need to get me far away from here! Please" you beg with your eyes stinging with all the tears, "No one's going to get you from here, Ms. Y/n, you're safe here" You pause your frantic actions for a while. That voice sounded a little too familiar for your liking, making you think you're over analyzing everything again. The doctor gestured to your friends to leave you up to him to have a doctor to patient talk. All of your friends nodded in understanding, giving you one last reassuring smile before collectively leaving the room.

The doctor, once after making sure that everyone left, removed his mask to reveal the oh so familiar smirk and the hair protector, rustling the same, familiar bright red hair with the same familiar pale fingers of his. Your eyes widen, mouth falls wide ajar

"Oh wait, there's one last warning, Do not assume that the Midnight Man has left your home for good at the conclusion of the game. I'm for real done now" You laugh at your friend who snatched the phone away from you,

"Pleasure to meet you again, darling"

243 notes · View notes

holyhalliwells · 3 years

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imo, the show was often unilaterally focused on Piper, but only on what she could do for others (Piper the wife and Piper the mother) rather than who she was as a person. Piper's individual characterization was lost sometime around s5 as soon as she got pregnant, and being a mother and wife pretty much became her sole defining characteristic for the rest of the series. I would be very interested to hear what you define as Piper's mental issues/trauma, bc as you say it doesn't get said enough

this has been in my inbox forever and i’m just getting around to it so my apologies.

but okay. so. yes. i think a lot of tv shows fall into this weird place where like. all of their characters begin with these kinda vague personalities because you’re just getting to know them. and as the show goes on, you pick up more pieces and stuff . and that’s great. that’s interesting and entertaining and it takes you on a journey and all. but often what happens is many shows fall into this pit where writers either get lazy, they change, or whatever, and the actors are tired of playing the part or whatever . and like. the characters become like. caricatures of themselves. and it just gets exhausting to watch because they’re not like. real people anymore.

Piper's individual characterization

so now for the charmed thing. so from the beginning. i have loved piper. like she’s the middle sister, overlooked, quiet, reserved, pessimistic but also realistic, gentle, thoughtful, all that. we see right away that she loves to cook .. she’s so happy her family is back together. she kept in touch with phoebe behind prue’s back. but she’s loyal to the both of them. her first idea was to have a reunion dinner when phoebe came home. she’s literally so cute n she deserves a hug. but no like. as we go on, we see that she wants to be good, she wants a stable life with no more loss, she Loves Love !! like. she wants to just be happy , open her own restaurant n just cook. she’s also so shy .. definitely panicky and anxious. and she doesn’t trust herself. she’s skeptical of everything, and she’s very thoughtful when it comes to big situations. even in the early days with leo and into season 2, she mentioned a few things about like “i’ve been thinking a lot about this...” and you can see she’s good at communicating with people. she’s also got these other dimensions to her like . she is interested in lots of cuisine types, she loves to read (and is a camus fan !!) , she drives a jeep (which i wanna know how she got bc i have questions), when she found out she was a witch her first thought was just . i need to go and see if i am still a good person . and she went to church. prue was surprised to learn that piper enjoys knitting. in the early seasons (especially mid-late season 3) we saw her with her plants and all. she’s just this natural peacekeeper. but like. we literally got a crying scene in the second episode because she was so conflicted about this. and she’s such a deep and complex character that i fell in love with so fast . and like . literally my favourite fictional character to exist . genuinely holly breathed so much life into piper . anyway . so. here’s the thing.

being a mother and wife pretty much became her sole defining characteristic for the rest of the series

like. piper was who i described above. and like . i kinda think . a bit. that like . the writers . especially in s4 . were like . hmm well . she’s just lost prue, she’s gonna be grieving . and like we need more for her. so. she’s been married to leo for the better part of a year, been with him for like . 3 years. so. let’s maybe consider giving them a kid but not just yet . just Content kinda stuff. so anyway they drop little hints in here and there starting in like . 4x07 i think? which . brain drain really paid the rent . fully just. holly did so well. but like. that ep was just. a neat way of looking into her mind and seeing the horrors of manipulation and gaslighting and everything . and of course holly knocked it out of the park. but at that point, they were kinda like . hmm . kids ? and they started toying with the idea, having piper and leo consider it, talk about it, they had paige and phoebe ask about it , all of that good stuff. as you do. made for some funny tv at some points. and like . i really, really Get It . when piper’s like . ahh the baby wouldn’t be safe around here !!!! like. Girl, Valid . your sister just died and like . you went on forever about how she was The Most Powerful One . The Strongest One . and yet she still died . so she’s like ??? am i next ?? and like obv it doesn’t make sense for her to jump on this train of like . i’m gonna have a kid !!!! so she’s really valid in her thought process there. and like. after having wyatt . i think the writers really . idk. couldn’t do waaay too much with her character anymore because i feel like . to an extent, anything she does will be scrutinized bc i’m not just . saying this . i rlly feel like sometimes piper’s the easiest to hate. like idk why but i loved her. but anyway. if she stays at home with wyatt and doesn’t wanna fight demons n all . then she’s selfish towards her sisters n she’s awful n prue wouldn’t have let her do that !!!! etc . but if she fought demons it’s like . uh sweetie you have a child . really ??? why put yourself in a situation that might have you ending up like patty 2.0 ... bc i could do a Whole post on how patty’s situation messed piper up the most. but anyway.

it’s the way i’m fully rambling so if you’re reading this . i love you . anyway okay . so . i think in a tv show you’ve gotta kinda check boxes. the best tv shows have characters you see yourself in . you relate to them. you hear them and understand their decisions and actions and thoughts. the things they do just makes sense 2 you. so like. with prue, anyone married to their job could relate to her. any oldest sibling could see themselves in her, you know ? she was hard-working, committed, logical, protective. and with phoebe, anyone who couldn’t “settle down” in their early 20s related 2 her, anyone who felt like the outcast of the family, the “screw-up” .. right. makes sense. she was so kind, caring, had-your-back kinda girl. we all love those. paige was like . the new kid, trying to fit in, creative, curious, and definitely a lifelong learner. and then there’s piper who was shy, resistant, really just wanted to be normal. and loved. and i think everyone could kinda identify with at least one of the sisters regardless of where you stood in your own family. so as the show went on, it’s like . they still want you to keep watching and keep being able to identify with them because it’s not like they’re humans with normal lives so they’ve already kinda lowkey got that going against them . so their more “human” and normal lives... we’ve gotta be able to identify with them to be able to invest time. so they had prue always working, having trouble balancing love and work, looking out for her family. we had phoebe kinda living her life, getting her career going, then kinda wanting a family. we had paige learning magic and being super interested and involved and then getting married. and we had piper who had her career pretty early on, got married, and had kids. like. i think the big thing is the marriage and kids. and when you’re a mother . the only mother really in the show, the show lowkey centres around you . like. for starters, the show usually is in the manor, and if you’re a mother, you’re very likely at home, esp with young kids. so i think that alone kinda was like . huh yeah . won’t see piper out waaay too much anymore i guess !!! but no like . there’s That. that’s kinda. the thing that really can’t change with the show . like. piper’s got kids now and a husband and very, very likely . her life will be centred around her home. which. listen she’s wanted that i think - the stability . she’s wanted that forever. and this is the form it came in. but i should stop rambling here and cut to the point .

Piper's mental issues/trauma

disclaimer: i’m not diagnosing her, i’m just speculating based off of my own experiences with mental health

so. okay. very early on. we saw that anxiety. like. yes . she was nervous about like a whole new life experience . or whatever we’re gonna call it when you figure out you’re a witch . but like she was Anxious . like. crying in the attic over being a bad person . needing phoebe to talk her down by telling her she’s such a caring person, she’s always doing things for other people . and then there’s the whole anxiety that comes with. my family’s falling apart because my sisters are fighting so i use really awkward methods of getting out of things . like using humour as a coping mechanism !!! which. gave us some iconic one-liners. but that’s beside the point . anyway. point is. early on, that anxiety was there. there’s an ep in season 1 where she’s literally entering a panic attack in her kitchen and phoebe’s using a menu to cool her down. like. Yikes! and then she’s just. her awkward self around everyone but that’s endearing and is just part of her personality . and i think a lot of the anxiety stemmed from childhood. we heard a few times about how prue and phoebe had boyfriends growing up, were always pretty and popular and all. phoebe was popular, too, just, in the other crowd. but nonetheless, piper faded into the background, doing well in math - well enough to go off and be a banker . and like. she sacrificed a lot for grams. she stayed in san francisco ... we all know the girl had the marks for stanford or something . like. though . still, i think she liked the stability of home and prob would’ve stayed . but in 3x17 she’s all !!! grams !!! the doctor said no caffeine !!! and when grams was taking the pic of them outside and she had an episode , piper was all !!!! shallow breaths !!! like. it was clear piper was the one taking her to the appointments and footing the bill. like. she literally became a banker just bc it had benefits n stuff. like. poor girl really thought . anyway that’s a whole spiral. but no. like she really sacrificed The Most for her family and everyone still thought she was selfish for wanting to move out . when like back then grams was literally ... sick ... and prue was out here moving out and phoebe was nowhere to be found . so. that . definitely would have added to her anxiety about even wanting to do anything for herself because she’ll be perceived as selfish in a heartbeat. even if it’s not Mean . it’s just. she’d never risk it. but there’s the anxiety. there are a few lil things here n there about how she gets nervous n stuff, she represses things (3x07 i think was where phoebe said piper represses her anger n just sucks it up n does whatever) . she literally cancelled her doctor’s appointment Twice . anyway. it still angers me. then in season 7 . patty and victor were like . oh she had night terrors that were so bad we took her to the doctor ! and i just ... honey . baby. she thought she caused the divorce. at 4? 5? she watched victor leave on her 5th birthday, watched a demon attack her, grams, and victor. prue said she didn’t cry at patty’s funeral and i’ll make a safe bet that piper did. and i think growing up without patty was strange for sure. prue had more memories and phoebe had none. and piper had fragments of this person everyone loved . and she was stuck between knowing her and not knowing her. and when patty was sent to her for her wedding day, (as well as in 1x17) . both times when patty hugged them . prue and phoebe hugged her, eyes closed n all. while piper was on the outside, eyes open . looking numb as all hell . and you know. i rlly think she was Giving Them That because phoebe didn’t get her and prue kinda . in a way. lost more of her . if that makes sense ?? and i just. patty really was like . they sent me to You. and 5 seconds later . piper’s like . they sent mom to Us !!! and it’s that idea of sacrifice and never having anything for yourself because she was never just . given anything for herself . everything in her life has been a sacrifice and as a mother, that’s perpetuated. she can assume that role with more of a purpose . like. people won’t really feel sorry for her now as the “forgotten” sister, they won’t try and coddle her or anything. and another thing. control. piper craved stability and control. i think while cooking was something she loved, it also gave her a lot of control . she could control her whole kitchen . even in season 8 .. maybe vaya con leos actually . leo mentioned how much piper craves control. and the control motif makes sense with her powers too. like. piper craved control so much that her powers allowed her to control things down to the atom. so there’s the whole anxiety and needing to control things to ease her anxiety and all. there’s That whole thing.

and then we get to the infamous season 5 fearless spell . ms girl really sat in the attic just writing everything on the wall and it’s the way i screenshotted it and like . zoomed in and tried deciphering it . and like . there’s words like “stop” and i think “sister” is in there a few times, so is “loss” or “lost”. when i watch it next i’ll grab a cap because it’s . disturbing. girl was so scared . literally was writing a spell to get rid of her fears . she also writes Fear . as in. capital F . and like. yeah that’s deep but i do it too like i emphasize words with a capital letter . and like holly marie combs might just have quirky n fun writing but like ... capital F . for Fear. for real . that’s . trauma !!! and she also was having panic attacks at the beginning of season 5. let’s not forget those. which ... we should’ve gotten more of an explanation for . i hope that girl is getting help bc she was Going Through It . and in season 7 when zankou reads her diary . firstly. we Knew this girl kept a diary like . for Sure . she did. and just that little excerpt of when prue died . oops. i’d pay big money to see the rest because again i just think she’s got such a complex mind and like. i’d be so interested to read that. and i think everything re: prue is just Awful for her. like . idk if this is just something quirky i noticed but obv we know prue died in may 2001 . but at the end of 4x03, when piper goes 2 paige’s work 2 bring her muffins !! soft !!! the calendar on one of the desks reads july 2001 ... and i really just. ms girl. i Know they prob just filmed the ep in july but it honestly tracks that she’d be so awfully upset about everything and just . barely able to do anything but cook . for 2 months. like. honey. baby. i wanted 2 just cuddle her bc she was so sad. and like. she tells paige she’s having “good hours” and “not so good hours” . she’s going by the Hour . by the Hour . just. need i say more . i’m so . but no like. if anything like i could see her having like . depression where she’s high-functioning and like just . walking depression i guess ?? like . not even after prue. i think in general. like . she definitely has a melancholic temperament and a type 6 enneagram (the skeptic). that’s For Sure . but i think. just. she’s always just had time to think bc she’s always alone, reading, knitting, cooking, tending to her plants, all that. and i just . think. she has issues. and i think prue knew that. of all people. and i think her knowing that . and then dying. destroyed piper. she lost the last person that was truly a constant in her life . like they shared a roof over their heads forever. and then she was just . gone . and piper was suddenly left to pick up the pieces . and become the oldest sister . and i’m So glad she didn’t fully assume her personality. i’m glad she stayed as piper . just. she’s more cynical and snarky and defensive and cold and that’s okay. she’s hurting. she’s always gonna hurt . and i think it makes her human . she’s pessimistic and sad and has a short fuse at times . but just. again. i love her to bits and i think those issues make her more relatable for me. because while many like to say she became selfish and a negative person and just . awful to be around . i’d say the opposite . i won’t sit and apologize or justify things. also i don’t think piper’s done anything wrong . i just think she’s hurt. she’s been wronged so many times. and she’s .... scared. i think she’s scared . and in season 5 “sympathy for the demon” we learn her true biggest fear is her happiness being stolen away. and like . it’s not that she’s scared she won’t be happy. she’s scared all of the good she’s got will be taken from her . and that’s . terrifying . so . i see why she’s so snarky and bitter and tired and all . she’s terrified of things being taken from her like they have been her whole life. and as i watch the show i really like to just keep that in mind as i get further and further in because yes. she did become a mother and a wife and we saw her arguing with leo a lot and their marriage falling apart and That Whole Era . we saw how it kind of took over her life but i think it happens . i think she even said at one point . i’ve been so many things to so many people, i don’t know who i am anymore . and i think it sums her up perfectly. she doesn’t know who she is because she’s someone to everyone . she’s just. nobody to herself except this scared little girl who just wants Something . Anything . to make sense . some Stability . and her babies, her husband, and her sisters . are all she has for that idea of stability to make sense in her mind. and it was an easy hole to fall into - the Mother - but i think she jumped in. because at the Very Least . nobody could take that title away from her . regardless of how hard they tried .

#i really cannot believe i did an entire ted talk #like did anyone actually read this #if you did . wow #piper halliwell deserved better #tw: mental health #tw: depression #tw: anxiety #tw: panic attack #but no listen #she deserved so much better #holly paid rent #ask me #charmed #ramble #💌

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megashadowdragon · 3 years

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What Noctis Learned: a tl;dr essay

So I've been thinking about this for a while and seeing so many posts/articles/character analysis on this game has finally prompted me to put it down in words. This is going to be a giant spoiler for the whole game so if you haven't finished it or Episode Ardyn yet then do that before reading this.

Everybody good? Okay.

I've heard lots of people look at FFXV as a coming of age story, with the main character changing and growing from a somewhat lackluster teenager to a responsible adult and in some respects that's absolutely right. It is a story about Noctis' growth from a reluctant and poor leader into a Kingly King like his dad (get it? Regis? Kingly King?). But then people usually follow that up with stating that Noctis started out as a selfish guy who didn't appreciate his friends thought he was too good for them and....wha? Were we playing the same game? Were we watching the same story?

Noctis has always appreciated his friends. Noctis has never thought he was better than them. That was never his issue. In fact, the issue is somewhat the opposite problem. Here me out:

The lesson Noctis needed to learn was about sacrifice. Not just self-sacrifice, although that's certainly part of it. But the heavy burden of sacrifice that only Rulers experience. He needed to learn how to sacrifice others or let them sacrifice themselves for the greater good. The theme was laced throughout the game from the beginning.

Everyone sees Regis as a great King. What makes him so great, though? Well, he knows how and when to sacrifice, not only himself but others for the sake of the future. He takes on the burden of knowing that people are dying for him, and for his kingdom. The Crystal is just a big old reminder of that burden, and so is the Wall, a physical representation of what it means to sacrifice.

Everything outside the Wall has been sacrificed to the enemy so that everything within the Wall may have peace. And then when it's revealed that Regis must sacrifice his only son in order to save the world, he accepts that burden too. He also accepts than in order to let his son realize his destiny, all of Insomnia must be sacrificed.

When Noctis rages at Cor in the tomb, it's because he doesn't agree with his father's sacrifice, both of himself and Insomnia, in order to save Noctis. He doesn't accept that noble burden. He rejects it and is plainly not ready to take his rightful place as ruler. He sees that a bunch of people just died for him, including his family members, and he doesn't think he was worth that sacrifice at all.

When Gladio demands to know before the fight with Titan if Noctis is "of Royal blood or not" it's because he feels the weight of his own father's sacrifice and needs Noctis to understand that he is ready and willing to do the same. If you'll note in the scene, this happens after Noctis has recklessly tried to dart ahead of Gladio and prevent him from doing his job (i.e. shielding and sacrificing his own body for the King) and he wants it reaffirmed in Noct's mind to accept that duty. To accept that yes, he might actually need Gladio to die for him and since Gladio's going to that extent he needs to know that Noctis will actually be worthy of that sacrifice and continue on to fulfill his destiny.

Luna's sacrifice in Altissia, followed by Ignis' blinding and then his moment of doubt where he actually asks Noctis to halt their journey basically represents the lowest point for Noctis, where all his fears seem justified. Noctis fears that he's actually not special or "chosen" at all, he can't save everyone, he couldn't even save the one person he thought he was meant to save, and now Ignis who already sacrificed his eyesight for him is voicing out loud his fear that all this sacrifice might be too high a cost.

So Noctis falters. He doesn't put on the ring. He doesn't head for the Crystal right away. And Gladio becomes upset, not because he thinks Noctis doesn't care about Ignis, but because him not pushing on despite the sacrifice kind of renders it pointless. And Gladio doesn't know that Ignis himself kind of tipped the scales on Noctis' reluctance to sacrifice others for the good of the kingdom here.

Then Prompto gets yeeted off the train, Gralea happens and the sacrifice of Noctis' last real link to his dad, the Regalia. And Noctis has to go it on his own, using the ring's power to survive, and here's where people like to say that being without his friends makes Noctis appreciate them. But I think being without his friends actually makes Noctis realize that he HAS to continue on without them, that his destiny still needs to happen with or without his friends and family surviving to see it. He's starting to accept the true burden of being a leader.

The scenario before he enters the Crystal has him needing to choose between fighting with his friends or possibly leaving them to die in order to fulfill his Calling. Ardyn taunts him with this choice, calling him selfish for abandoning his friends.

Ardyn himself never learned the lesson of sacrifice, which started the entire problem in the first place. As a healer, he refused to accept the deaths of others, and thus kept taking more and more Scourge into himself rather then letting a single person be sacrificed, even to the point where it would damage the future envisioned by the Gods. While we're obviously supposed to regard Somnus as the other end of the extreme; sacrificing people pointlessly for his own gain, I don't think we are supposed to view Ardyn's refusal to sacrifice anyone as a good alternative either. A good leader is supposed to know when and how much to sacrifice for the good of the nation, so when the Crystal rejects Ardyn it's because he hasn't learned how to sacrifice.

So we get to the timeskip, Noctis baked in the Crystal and now he's all done and ready to accept the true burden of being King. No turning back, no preventing his bros from sacrificing their own lives for the effort, no changing his mind about whether it's "worth it" or not. Noctis finally learned the burden of sacrificing for the future, one that he won't get to be a part of.

Originally, the Lucis Caelum line was meant to be a sect that worships Etro, Goddess of Death. Some remnants of the story still show this, what with the Ring of the Lucii requiring blood sacrifice or at least a sacrifice of lifeforce in order to gain its power, the theme of skulls and the significance of the colour black for the royal family.

All this long rambling is meant to say is that FFXV is a story about the main character learning how to accept the burden of noble sacrifice and not really about a lazy slacker learning how to stop whining and appreciate his friends.

source: www . reddit . com/r/FFXV/comments/ol3te6/spoilers_for_the_entire_game_what_noctis_learned/

comments :

Noctis's lesson is also exemplified when he has to encourage his own dad to deal the final blow that sends him to the void. It mirrors Noct's own reluctance, and the choice to push onward anyway, when the sacrifice feels too great to bear. It solidifies the fact that he deserves his seat on the throne.

I agree overall, though I'm also inclined to think that sacrifice itself is intended to throw value judgments into the starkest possible relief by demanding the loss of a lesser good for the sake of a greater good.

Regis makes the astoundingly vast sacrifices that he does because the salvation offered by the Chosen King is the greatest available good. And it takes Noct a long time to understand that because his value judgments are off -- he can't bear being responsible for the loss of an individual even if the alternative is the loss of every individual.

And yes, I think that Noct's choice to let his friends hold off the daemons while he went ahead to reach the Crystal is the point where he truly understands what's required of him... and that it is a very effective reflection of the difference between the point he had finally reached and Ardyn's continuing rejection of that dynamic.

One interesting thing about Ardyn is that he is willing to sacrifice others for his plans, but his value judgments are still really wonky. He went from valuing individual persons to such an extent that he risked being completely ineffective to valuing nothing but himself and his own desire for revenge. Somnus' value judgments are wonky, too, of course, because he over-values his own ambition.

As for the ultimate conclusion of Noct's growth, he develops a quiet confidence in his value judgments that allows him to take risks and accept sacrifice without second thoughts. ("A king pushes onward always, accepting the consequences and never looking back.") Just before he ascends the throne, his friends have to stay behind to cover for him again... and he doesn't think twice about allowing them to fulfill their duty by doing so. Then he willingly endures an agonizing self-sacrifice knowing that doing so will bring about the much greater good of the world's salvation.

#ffxv #final fantasy xv #final fantasy 15 #noctis lucis caelum #ardyn izunia #ardyn lucis caelum #ff15

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redcxnviction · 3 years

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Stain’s (Potential) Character Arc

[Spoilers for Chapter 300]

[Also warning: This one is gonna be loooooong...]

[Edit: Dear God this was so much longer than I intended. I hope you guys like it! I’m going to bed now.]

So, Stain has re-appeared to send shock-waves through the plot once again (we hope). I’ve already talked about what Stain’s possible plans going forward will be for this arc, but now I want to discuss how his character could grow and change (or show change from all that thinking time in Tartarus) as a person, based on what we already know about him as well as current events.

This is all just speculation at the moment of course, but I think it’s highly likely - given the precedent Stain has already set in terms of moral ambiguity.

Just to be clear, no matter how heroic Stain’s actions may be in this arc, he still deserves to go right back to prison. Stain himself would agree with everyone on that. Heck, he’d probably walk himself back in when all this mess is done.

I really hope he doesn’t die by sacrificing himself, though, it would completely undermine the message of not only Endeavour’s arc, but Stain’s, as I feel his could (ironically) play out very similarly to his that of his most hated enemy.

Dying doesn’t rid you of sin or heal anybody, you can only change and improve things by living with your sins and learning from them. Some things may be lost forever, but you need to at least try, or at the very least break the cycle in some way and make sure no others like you are born.

But I’m getting ahead of myself.

Let’s take a look at Stain’s two defining flaws! :D

1. Worshipping a human being

It’s been previously established in the story just how toxic the concept of a ‘No. 1 Hero’ is - letting one man shoulder the burden of an entire country’s wellbeing was never going to end well, and only create a culture of overdependence, and a society whose comfort and security were sitting on a foundation of glass.

Stain, like Deku, grew up watching the unbreakable and perfect All Might soothe all their worries and purge every ill from society. Stain idolised All Might the same way Deku did. He believed in a hero who helped others in their darkest hour, when all hope seemed lost, and for no pay and no thanks, every day.

But Deku saw All Might for who he truly was inside - a broken man barely keeping it together.

Stain never saw All Might like that. He practically deified the man, just like society had, and could not conceive of a society without him. All Might ceased to be a human being, but a concept, an ideal that every hero-in-training should aspire to. Nobody outside those who knew All Might intimately realised how dangerous, how ultimately toxic, their saviour’s life was.

A hero is All Might, he sets the standard. The perfect hero is All Might. Someone who gives and gives without any regard for themselves. Blood, sweat and tears all mean nothing when you are a vessel for justice, and because All Might presented that as good and right, Stain believed that it was good and right.

But the end does not always justify the means, and society cannot function on the sacrifice of endless martyrs.

Stain was blinded by adoration and admiration for All Might and the hope he inspired. It’s no surprise he chose ‘Stendhal’ as his vigilante name - referring to Stendhal syndrome, a (debated) condition where sufferers experience various symptoms when exposed to objects, artworks or phenomena of great beauty, a profound emotional response. Stain responded to All Might with the emotion and fervour of a fanatic, and internalised the brutal, solitary and dangerous life of a ‘perfect hero’.

And just as this hero worship dehumanised All Might, Stendhal dehumanised himself in pursuit of the ideal hero. He referred to himself in the third person, as ‘justice personified’, as the righteous executor of villains. He even refers to his killing as ‘heaven’s judgment’ - deifying himself in the same way he has All Might. Stendhal believed himself to be superhuman, simply because he believes so much in the superhuman qualities of the hero he idolised. In Vigilantes he declares a hero to be an ‘extraordinary being’, ‘sublime’, ‘transcendent’ - again coming back to the ecstasy defining the ‘Stendhal syndrome’, and the deification of the No. 1 Hero. He also refers to a hero as ‘someone who crosses boundaries’, or someone who pushes the limit in order to achieve their ends - plus ultra.

If Stendhal was to be successful, he had to become better than human.

All Might may have inspired Deku, but he also inspired Stain.

As Knuckleduster said - people like Stain, and by extension All Might, forget their own humanity and believe themselves to be as invincible as people perceive them to be, and cast safety and common sense to the wind.

This may come from a place of arrogance, but I think it comes from idolising a man who single-handedly carried the hopes and wellbeing of society on his shoulders. All Might may not have waxed lyrical about it so much, but it just shows how utterly obsessed Stain was. Even in his ‘normal’ civilian life, he was a man who "walks along the path of true heroism”. His ideals consumed him.

Stain kept All Might on a pedestal, like Deku, but unlike the boy he never stopped. And unlike Deku, he was absolutely unmovable in his beliefs and unwilling to accept anything below the gold standard. That standard was All Might, and because that was the standard, Stain’s actions and beliefs were as right and true as All Might himself. He doomed himself from the beginning.

Which moves us on to our next point!

2. Narrow-mindedness

Stain’s thinking is so unshakable no outside force can break it. Common sense and humanity are only obstacles to him. His extreme actions coincide with his ability to only see things in extremes. One is either wholly good or wholly evil, with no room for nuance. This is a man who watched All Might, who presented himself as practically perfect in every way, internalised that as the correct way to be, and refused any other ideas.

One is either born with the ability to become a hero like All Might, or they are unworthy of being a hero altogether. A fundamentally bad person cannot change and become a heroic person - such a thing would taint the sanctity of the concept in Stain’s eyes. As we know, All Might is not a human being but a divine concept.

This is shown when Iida decides to make a heroic stand to Stain after being thoroughly beaten and admonished by him. Granted, it was to not shame his family name rather than help his friends, but Stain does not even acknowledge courage or growth of character on Iida’s part, or care to see if the bud of heroism would grow in the boy, whereas he was willing to allow Shigaraki’s bud of resolve grow - knowing the boy was a dangerous, anarchistic villain in the making.

Stain was more willing to see Shigaraki walk a dark path of self-destruction than Iida walk the path of heroism, because he recognised Shigaraki’s path - and acknowledged it. It was worthy because it was backed by an unbreakable conviction, like Stain’s. To Stain, that was all that mattered. As long as you just kept going, with an unshakable conviction, you would be victorious. Literally mind over matter.

All Might nearly killed himself living like this. Stain could have so easily done the same, thousands of times. He put his life at risk every day, not only because of the nature of his quirk - ingesting blood - but also the villains and heroes he clashed with. Not only that, but Stain killed any chance he had of a normal life, throwing away his own wellbeing and humanity.

So while Stain’s mindset allowed for people like Deku to live, it also let people like Shigaraki and the League live to wreak the havoc we’re seeing in the present time.

Stain’s view of the world is so blinkered by All Might’s false perception of how things should be, he cannot accept things for what they are or what they could be - only what they are not. And if they have weak conviction (in his eyes), they are unworthy of a chance to change simply because they won’t.

As a vigilante, he clashed with anyone who could not accept his absolute justice, and had absolutely no room for moral greys. While he helped people he felt were on his side, even villains, he turned on them the second they deviated from the standard he set.

The same applied to his days as a villain. Anyone who wasn’t strong enough, physically or mentally, to live up to All Might’s standard had to die so that they would no longer hold society back. Villains and heroes alike.

Not even what was intended to be a wake-up call had its desired effect. In fact, it only pushed Stain to up the ante. Stendhal didn’t take in any of Knuckleduster’s words about throwing away common sense and safety for a superhuman ideal that doesn’t exist - with All Might specifically used for the accompanying panel. He only listened to the line about lacking ‘conviction’, because he could neither understand nor accept that All Might and the society full of hope that he had created could be wrong.

Only Stendhal was wrong. He had not cast away everything yet. To show true conviction, to succeed, he had to cast away any shred of aspirations for a hero’s life he had in him. It was the only thing that remained of ‘Chizome’.

The vigilante needed to take one step further. He had only been looking at villains for the problem, not the ‘fake heroes’ who were aiding and abetting the spread of villains - like Koichi had by protecting Soga from Stain, as Stain saw it. Stain needed to ‘go beyond’, like All Might, to the absolute limit. He had to become a villain.

And that meant casting even his heroic identity in becoming a villain. That was the only thing he had left to discard.

Stain is so caught up with his own beliefs and worldview he can’t even see the hypocrisy of his own words (as Stendhal):

“Even an innate act of goodness...becomes wicked in the aid of evil”.

He’s so blinded by his own rhetoric that he doesn’t realise that this same condemnation can be applied to himself. His desire to improve society and save it from corrupting elements (which do exist in places) is good, but the foundation of that desire in inherently flawed and, combined with a judgemental and aggressive attitude, doomed to both become and aid evil.

Get to the point! So what does this mean for Stain now?

Several factors, in my mind, came together to provide Stain with some much needed self-reflection during his confinement:

Deku - simply by existing as a healthier representation of All Might’s hero philosophy, and through beating Stain in a battle between their respective takes on All Might’s ‘meaning of a hero’. Stain lost - that has to have some affect on him, just as losing to Knuckleduster did (granted, the latter was not for the better, but it did make him think).

Shigaraki & AFO - if I’m not mistaken, Stain was watching as AFO was wheeled into prison. And if I am, Stain very likely saw Shigaraki and AFO during the prison break and is smart enough to put two and two together and see them as responsible for the current events.

A long time to think - Stain has spent, I believe, several months in jail now. While it is possible to over-think things, the event that brought him to that point and everything that happened since could lead to interesting personal development - positive, this time.

Stain only appeared for a mere two panels in the latest chapter, but already I’m seeing hopeful signs for a change in his character to show and develop.

The first hopeful panel

First, when we first see his face, this expression is very different from his default pissed off face, or even the ‘crazed fanatic’ face he’s well-known for at this point. Given the shitshow he’s just arrived to see, he would be justified in being angry. But he doesn’t look angry - he looks desperate. Almost sad. Am I looking too hard?

I mean, yes, he’s just swam three miles in a storm in pitch blackness, he’s justified in having a thousand-yard stare to go with his soggy clothes, but honestly he looks a very different man. A sad man.

Which is strange, because he’s got what he wanted. He wanted all the ‘fakes’ gone, and now so many of them are retiring in their droves in the face of public backlash. He wanted the public to turn against the heroes more concerned with their own reputation and comfort than protecting citizens in their time of need, like right now. He wanted Endeavour to suffer.

And now it’s all happened. Everything should be great now, right? The weeds have been removed from the garden, so it should look beautiful now, right?

But it’s not beautiful. It’s chaos, it’s destruction, it’s pain and death.

Stain got the results he wanted, but society doesn’t look anything like he envisioned it would. He believed his cause and methods were justified because they were inspired by the perfect hero himself. But that hero wasn’t perfect - in fact, his role was positively toxic in the long-run, and it is because Stain internalised and obsessed and believed in this toxic way of life that he failed. And not only did he fail, he bred more evil by becoming evil with good intent.

‘The road to hell is paved with good intentions’ is apt here. It sums up the culmination of everything Stain has done. He inspired a more critical and questioning culture to take root, which in itself isn’t a bad thing, but his narrow-mindedness and fundamental lack of critical thinking on his part, as well as All Might himself, led to Stain replicating the very worst aspects of All Might’s legacy - a self-destructive road to hell with the mask of nobility and justice.

Judging by his expression, and everything that’s happening now, Stain more than likely has realised or is in the process of realising the hand he has had in all this. Shigaraki’s rise, the League, the division and mass revolt against heroes in general, even All Might’s retirement and AFO could be attributed to him at least indirectly.

The second hopeful panel

Second and last - we see Stain enter an abandoned house, trashed perhaps during the riots, and recovering an old and badly rusted sword. Whether this was his hideout during his killing spree or one of many hiding places, what is truly interesting is his behaviour.

As a vigilante and as a villain, Stain loved to monologue. He loved to drive into his unwilling listeners exactly why he was doing what he was doing, how much they had failed as heroes, his hopes for the future, his convictions. This is probably a carryover from his soapbox days as a teenager. He was never heard then, but he would damn well be heard now.

Even in quiet moments, he would openly reflect on his actions and reiterate his reason for living - his identity as a force of justice.

Here Stain is alone, armed for the first time since his arrest, ready to go out and fight. Perfect time for a monologue. A vow to fix what he can, a vow to destroy all those who’re currently wrecking society?

Nope. Stain just looks at his sword for a moment, and lets go a sigh as he draws it. Serious, committed, and without pretence.

Maybe it was just a lack of space thing or desire to keep Stain’s next move a mystery, but to me it speaks to a possible shift in his character. In a time when he would justify himself, refer to himself as a force against evil, admonish all those he saw as forcing his hand, he says nothing.

Conclusion

Maybe I’m wrong, but it seems that perhaps the Stain we see here is more human than we’ve seen him before. Without his mask or costume to project an image of an ideal or superhuman force, Stain is simply Chizome Akaguro, a man who has little but the ruins of his life and the society he only damaged further.

I’d like to think that these signs show a Stain who wants to do right - the actual right thing - and fix what he can of this mess. How he goes about this all depends on how much he has or is willing to change about himself going forward. Because he needs to change in order to even start trying to make things better now. He was wrong about All Might, he was wrong about Iida. He was wrong to let Shigaraki go. He was wrong that a great hero is someone who destroys himself for others.

If Stain is to make his time as a free man a positive one for society, truly, in this time when they need people to step up the most, Stain will need to fundamentally and drastically shift his perspective on things and people around him.

He needs to accept his current state and the sins of his past.

He needs to see All Might as he truly is, if he hasn’t already.

He needs to see how far Iida has come as a hero, in spite of Stain’s hateful judgement of him.

He needs to see the kind of hero Deku has grown into, the kind that saves others while also keeping themselves as safe and happy as possible.

He needs to LIVE so he can change and be interesting, not just another ‘second-to-final-boss villain’.

And then after all is said and done - DON’T YOU GO KILLING STAIN OFF HORIKOSHI I SWEAR TO GOD - Stain is marched right back to prison because no matter how valiantly he fights, no matter how much he changes for the better, no matter how much he becomes the man he could have been, he is a murderer. He has permanently destroyed lives and wrecked many others. He can never undo that.

The best thing Stain can do in this arc is NOT BE STAIN, but Chizome Akaguro, citizen with mad skills who wants to set society free from the threat of evil by becoming the hero it desperately needs.

Except in the determination to fuck Shigaraki and AFO up. That he can keep.

What do you guys think??

#MHA spoilers #BNH spoilers #spoilers #hero killer stain #Stain #MHA #BNH #My Hero Academia #boku no hero academia #meta #essay #HOLY SHIT THIS TOOK ALL DAY I'M FINALLY DONE #WOO

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prose-for-hire · 3 years

Text

An impassioned debate

Pairing: Giles x Spike (”platonic” but they’re arguing lol)

Request: Spike & Giles bicker fest a la missing moments from when they were housemates, please?

Requested by: @staycalmandbeafan

Warning: Sex references.

A/N: Sometimes when I write I assume the attitude of one of the characters. Therefore, Spike doesn’t always appear in a good light lol (It was fun to write though and I got a little carried away sorry) 💜🖤

Giles liked to live alone.

He had grown up living with his parents. He had roommates in university. He even flat-shared in the communal house him and the friends he hung around at the time broke into and claimed as their own in his early twenties.

And that, is exactly how Giles knew he liked to live alone. Some days he could barely tolerate the young people that no matter how fond of them he was, would go on about pointless and often arbitrary nonsense in his presence.

His home then, became his sanctuary. A place where he could shut out the world.

That was until one fateful day in the all-too recent past. Thanksgiving day. A day where the Americans gave thanks for the parts of their lives they are grateful for. He thought he ought to partake in tradition and suggested how grateful he was for Buffy and the others.

A silent, more self-indulgent thanks was to the peace and quiet he would get at the end of the day. His house to himself, not shackled by parents. Kept up all hours by housemates or forced into copious amounts of overly emotional performance at the hands of the well-intentioned Americans.

This silent thought was shattered as a thud at the door announced an unwelcome visitor.

That’s how Giles ended up with a new houseguest. The vampire chained to his tub. A tub he had been very fond of until Spike had come in and ruined with his stench. He was probably the only person that smelt this bad after spending this amount of time in the bathtub.

It would be fair to say that Giles hadn’t been a very welcoming host, but to put it in context, despite being ‘harmless’ Spike had tried to bite Giles not once, but twice. Upon the first attempt being a near-miss and the second ending in blinding pain for the corpse-faced lunatic, he had the gall to tell Giles that he would taste like a dried up old prune anyway.

There was also the incident on Thanksgiving day itself where he managed to eat half a plate of cookies before anyone had the chance to stop him. A miraculous feat when you note that his hands and feet were bound tight.

These were, for the most part issues that Giles could look past. Especially now he was sure that Spike was unable to actually harm him. But what he couldn’t get past were, well, every other area that involved living with Spike.

The issues could be divided as such: Eating habits; sleeping habits; general depravity and what one could only describe as ‘The Passions debate’.

We should probably begin with the sleeping habits:

Or lack thereof. Spike was cat-like in the sense that he didn’t usually get a full night’s, or days, sleep. He tended to sleep a couple hours here or there seemingly whenever he pleased. Which meant that when he was tied up after dark, the vampire had a whole lot of thoughts and nowhere else to go so he seemingly spoke them out loud.

Giles tossed and turned in his bed desperately clinging to sleep, able for the most part to ignore the constant babbling of Spike’s innermost thoughts. Which actually amounted to shagged someone, shagged someone oh I drank some blood, shagged someone.

It was utterly mind numbing and Giles was beginning to feel that should he ever get out of this arrangement alive he would look into finding a house in the middle of a deserted island. Never to return to civilisation.

Giles managed to mostly ignore the fanged menace. Until the singing started. Or, what Giles would only call tuneless hollering. He butchered every punk song known to man and some surprisingly sugary pop ballads that Giles wouldn’t dare comment on, less he revealed that he himself knew the songs lyrics too.

He actually started singing to pass the time, it was lyrical to begin with but as the night wore on he started to shout the words, the tune lost. Sacrificed to a greater goal. Irritation.

He grinned when Giles padded downstairs to try to silence the din.

“Alright, Rupert? Here for dinner and a show?”

“I’m going to gag you” Giles warned. Something they had already had numerous arguments over.

“Well, you’re really gonna have to take me out to that dinner then” Spike smirked at Giles’ disdain for his words, moving his head slightly at the man’s reaction.

“Will you shut up! For God’s sake, man, be quiet!” Giles shouted, sleep-deprivation and living with someone that had more fangs than brains made him more and more irate. It made Spike smile even further, his next words making Giles about three seconds from throttling him (which, wouldn’t have killed him but it would have been very satisfying for Giles).

“Well, seein’ as you’re awake and all and got nothing better to do, be a love and get me some blood?” Spike cackled. Giles stopped himself from going near Spike and instead trailed to the kitchen, hoping it would at least shut him up for five minutes.

Which brings us nicely along to eating habits:

“I like a bit of texture in it!” Spike had shouted one morning. His blood was steaming but Giles had returned back into the kitchen with it to add something to try and get a moment’s peace.

He had been playing a very enjoyable game of see how many times he can send the same mug of blood back before Giles realised he was only doing it to annoy him. The highest score had been 3 times and only, in Giles’ defence, because the man hadn’t been properly awake that morning.

Giles had hit Spike twice (which was very tame considering the horror that was a feral vampire that wasn’t used to being in a domestic setting). Once because of the aforementioned incident and the second time after a particularly heated debate that we will discuss later.

Spike had been lounging on the sofa again, getting crumbs all over his chair. Giles swung his feet and made him sit up as he spoke.

“Will you bloody-”

“Oh don’t start conjuring those sweet massacres in my mind, Rupes, makes a fella’s hunger unbearable” He rubbed his stomach that did in fact appear to be gurgling at the mere mention of the word.

Spike, when he was allowed out of his restraints and Giles saw it was too much like hard work to be waiting on Spike all of the time, began to make his own meals. Which, really, just created more of a mess. And a distinct lack of Weetabix around the house.

He created the worst combinations known to man, sometimes to annoy Giles and other times to just see how it went. He sprayed cans of whipped cream in his mouth left over from Thanksgiving, ate crackers with every topping he found in the house and made sure to use the least amount of manners as possible whilst doing so.

Which brings us onto the section Giles would entitle, Spike’s ‘generally depraved character’:

Giles was still in the habit of tying Spike up at night, but he had subsequently allowed him to walk around in the day after a while.

There had been one evening where Spike ran through the entire house, struggling at every turn so that Giles couldn’t tie him up again. He was bored and it was fun making the human chase him. Eventually he was cuffed and tied to his chair and left there through the day so that it didn’t happen again.

Luckily, Spike had gotten bored of that game and just let Giles tie him up at night again now. Not without comment, of course.

“Call that a knot? I’ve had tighter curls, mate” Spike rolled his eyes as Giles looked over the glasses perching on the end of his nose. He then reached and tightened the knot by a lot making Spike yelp and scowl at him.

“Hey! You can’t just leave me like this – I’m getting’ rope burn here!” he shouted as he struggled, thus giving himself worse rope burn.

“Ah, yes and what’re you going to do about it, Spike, hm? Serenade me to death?” Giles rolled his eyes in disdain. He rolled his shoulders, adjusting his position with a scowl stamped on his face.

He watched Giles get back to reading his paper. He let him get a few lines in before he interrupted him this time.

“Not exactly the five star digs I’m used to” Spike said which made Giles scoff. He had seen many of the places Spike had called home and none of them were fit for burying a corpse in let alone housing a living one.

“I can untie you and you can just leave, Spike, I’m sure burning to a crisp would really show me what for” Giles muttered, focusing on the paper he had been trying to read.

“Oh, I see you. Thinking you’re better than me – smarter. Anyone can read books, they don’t make it their whole sodding personality. You’re a good ol’ British stereotype, Rupes,”

“Ah, yes, well, many people can read Spike but it takes a particularly impervious individual to be so oblivious to their own misgivings that they result in insulting themselves in the same breath as their foe”

Spike rolled his eyes at the use of the word ‘foe’ but kept silent for a while. It was a rare silence and Giles made the most of it. Savoured it. He wasn’t sure if it was the big words that had evaded him or just the fact that his insult had resonated. But he didn’t say these thoughts out loud, less he would have to listen to Spike’s sparkling wit.

However, lo and behold, Spike suddenly spoke up again.

“You know what I miss?” Spike asked, leaving Giles sighing audibly and putting his unread book back down. He had tried several times to read the same line.

“No, but I assume that you’re about to enlighten me”

“Civil wars”

“What?!” Giles asked incredulously, taking his glasses from his face just so he didn’t have to look at the vampire who appeared to be staring up at the ceiling and reminiscing.

“Yeah” No nodded, “There’s just something about a civil war… could be the fear. Aphrodisiac, it is”

“I’m not sure I agree-”

“Probably ‘cause you’d be the one doing the fearing you great ponce”

“Now-” Giles was ready to launch into a barrage of insults, using all of his wit to ground Spike into the pile of dust and ash he was destined to be. But then, he took a breath. He decided to hit Spike where it hurt, “That’s it! No more television”

“What?!” Spike shouted, his eyes bulging in horror, “You can’t do that, I’m dyin’ here gramps-!”

“You’re already dead”

“Yeah, well, now I’m rotting away here with the living. I mean, you’ve aged – I saw your graduation photo in the hall. It’s like lookin’ in a particularly haunting mirror when I see you” Spike spoke smugly of the way his face hadn’t aged despite being older than Giles.

There was a stony silence for a while. Giles went quiet. When Giles went quiet, he was mad. The kind that could become insidious. His fists curled and his mind raced. Blood pumping hot around his body.

But, after a moment, he resolved himself. Spike wasn’t worth Ripper making an appearance. No, Spike wasn’t worth anything.

“Why don’t you read something, or perhaps figure out how to count past two?” Giles offered, stepping away from where the tv was now staying off. Spike’s face turned sour at the prospect of another afternoon with his thoughts.

“How about four?” Spike asked, flipping the v’s with both arms raised at the man who looked like he was about to thump his guest yet again.

“You’re a piece of work, Spike”

“Thanks” Spike nodded, still looking at Giles expectantly, waiting for the television to be turned back on. But when he turned way and started to look busy Spike’s mood changed.

“Come on, it’s telly time!” Spike shouted but Giles just took his jacket and left the house for the rest of the day. Leaving Spike bored and trying to avoid the patches of sunlight where Giles had ‘accidentally’ opened some of the curtains on different levels of the house.

When Giles eventually began to turn the television back on for Spike, it leads us on to ‘The Passions debate’:

“Are you blind willingly or are you truly this ignorant?!” Giles shouted, his words directed at Spike but his eyes were glued to the screen. No matter how much he had fought it, Giles had been well and truly sucked into the fictional world.

“Don’t be a bloody idiot! It’s clear as sodding day that they’re meant to be together” Spike gestured wildly at the screen.

“Their relationship is forced – there is no real meaning there!” Giles insisted, much like most shows on television in his opinion.

“You got it all wrong - it’s fate, destiny or any of that bollocks”

“Ah, yes, that would be the latter”

“Don’t be daft, Ripper – have you seen them?! Pure chemistry. Nobody can act that good either, they’re shagging behind the scenes – mark my words”

“You really are as perceptive as a wooden spoon, Spike” Giles berated him.

“That’s rot, that is! They’re shagging no two ways about it”

“Two people can have chemistry and maintain a platonic relationship” Spike raised an eyebrow at him and Giles had become heated in the debate, “They are not bloody shagging!”

“Aw, does it bother you that fictional characters are getting more action than you?” Spike mock-pouted. Trying to rile the man up further. This was where it descended into chaos.

“Ah, fortunately I’m satisfied in the knowledge that there will always be someone that is worse-off than myself” Giles paused before asking, “Is Drusilla well?”

“Bugger off! That was low for an ex-watcher who gets all his happy feelings from a group of school children” Spike pounced on him, going for the jugular, “You spend an embarrassing amount of time with dear Buffy. I wonder, what could you be doin’ behind closed-”

Spike was cut off by a blow to his face. It sent him flying backwards and splintered the wooden chair he had been sat on into pieces.

“Out!” Giles demanded, face like thunder, “Out before I do something I wouldn’t regret!”

Both Spike and Giles eyed the weapons chest that was on the floor between them before looking back at the other. Both were trying to calculate how long it would take the other to get there. After a moment, Spike got to his feet and just slinked off to a different corner of the house until he got hungry and Giles went to walk off his anger.

That had been the last straw. Soon after this particular incident, Spike was shipped off the Xander’s basement. Giles finally got his house back. His wooden chair however, unfortunately never recovered.

#Spike btvs #Spike #Giles #Rupert Giles #Spike x Giles #Spike fic #Giles fic #Rupert Giles fic #Buffy The Vampire Slayer #buffy the vampire slayer imagines #btvs imagine #btvs #buffyverse #buffyverse fic #Spike btvs x Rupert Giles

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