#life without b

[rickie-the-storyteller]

hi!! i come with a question for the wip title tag!! i'm curious about the "life without b" chapter from "steph's crew" - could you say something more about it?

Sure!

"Life without B" is the second chapter of Steph's Crew that I wrote, and I started writing this story about a year ago lol. So it's pretty old, and it could use some editing. But I'm rather fond of it for a couple of reasons...

When I first wrote Steph's Crew, I intended it to only focus on Stephanie's perspective (as she's the main character). It was supposed to be her journal. But I changed my mind after a while because it was hard to really flesh out the other characters in her friend group and go into their personal lives in depth if I only focused on Stephanie's perspective. So now, each chapter is in a different character's POV. And what's really fun about all the chapter titles is that you can kind of guess which character the chapter is going to focus on based on the title... like based on their individual senses of humour, or the vibes they give off, or a thing that they commonly say. This chapter that you chose for example is an Elise chapter - and that is shown by the way it mentions a character named "B" ("B" is Bret lol. That's Elise's occasional nickname for him!) and it directly mirrors a previous Elise chapter title (Life With B).

I've posted this old series of dialogue plans that I like to write for my characters sometimes (I'm still going with it, since I haven't posted all of them yet... pretty sure I have about 10 left of these). And the one for this chapter is one of the earliest ones I've posted. It was when I was doing this series that I realised that all of my characters are actually super interesting and they all deserve more attention and focus than what they currently get. So this chapter was kind of a turning point for this story - it was the moment that I started to write chapters from the perspectives of the other members of the crew. Starting with Elise!

I'll leave a link to the dialogue plan so you can see it for yourself, but I'll also give a brief summary of what happens in the chapter - basically, Bret is kind of a troubled child lol. He's always getting in trouble at school, he's struggling with a lot of things, and at this point, his friends are beginning to notice that, and they want to do something about it. I mean, it's hard NOT to notice that something's going on with him - he's been suspended, and he hasn't been going to school lol. But yeah. They try to come up with a plan to do something to show their friend that they care about him, and that he's not alone. And it's a pretty terrible plan (leads to arguments/disagreements within the group)... but they do it. It leads to them all getting detention. Yeah.

I mainly focused on Elise's POV for this chapter because she's the closest to Bret (she's been a friend of his since childhood, and she also has a crush on him... which is a whole other thing lol. Them two have a romantic subplot in the story), and also she's kind of the odd one out in the sense that she is the only one with common sense haha. Like, she disagrees with Stephanie's terrible plan even though everyone else in the group is willing to go along with it. It showcases Elise's main personality of being introverted and soft-spoken, but not being a pushover... like, she's willing to stand up for her beliefs and push back against ideas she doesn't agree with, even if she stands alone. With El, I really wanted to present the idea that just because a person is an introvert, it doesn't necessarily mean that they are shy or "weak" lol... since I feel like some people may sometimes see the two things as synonymous.

Thank you so much for the ask, @rbbess110! This was so much fun <3

Here's the link to the dialogue plan for this chapter (hope you enjoy it!):

[vaguely-concerned]

thinking about not only the specific people lucanis pulls in to represent the 'locks' in his psyche, but the storytelling that happens in the structure/order of them. the underlying ideas are presented something like:

the lucanis who went into the ossuary never came back out again; he died down there (the boy caterina raised is gone forever) -> you're putting yourself in danger doing this (by being close to me), you should leave because I can't bear it if you get hurt because of me -> it doesn't matter even if we do try this, it won't work anyway (again because of me) ('you know what he's like, you can open the door but he won't walk through it' :'( oofie doofie) -> what if the real secret is that there was never anything but the monster in here from the beginning. you should leave, there was never anything here worth saving in the first place. (implicitly: what if I deserved what happened, all along.)

it runs pretty cleanly from outward-oriented attachment anxiety ('caterina won't even want me back like this, she won't recognize me (the same way I no longer recognize myself)) and gradually deeper inwards until we reach self-image and self worth. or you know, the harrowing basic lack of it lol.

"careful -- they'll know we're not right," spite says in one of their first scenes... but clearly, some very deep part of lucanis has feared or suspected for much longer than that that there's something inherently not right at the core of him, way before any demon entered the picture. and the voice he gives those lines to is the person who should know him better than anyone in the world, who he has loved more than anyone in the world -- and who deliberately chose to hurt him so horrifically anyway. 'It's better if I'm just a monster and deserved what happened than it is to allow for the idea that the brother I love doesn't really exist and maybe never did'. it's better if he's fundamentally flawed in some way that needed fixing to help him survive, and that's why caterina chose to hurt him again and again -- out of love. (this one I think he might have a very sad wakeup call on one day if he ever ends up with the responsibility and care of a child of his own in some way and realizes just how alien the idea of ever intentionally hurting them for any reason is to him. oh buddy. also interesting that he keeps caterina as the outermost lock -- there IS a distance he keeps there that he hasn't with illario. he doesn't resent her 'anymore' he says, but he also keeps her carefully further away from his deepest self.)

as far as I could tell the only note in the mind prison that's fully hidden and needs to be uncovered is the sad painful helpless stupid little truth that even after all this, even knowing what happened... he still loves his brother. is there anything illario could ever do that would make lucanis completely stop loving him, do you think? sometimes the trouble with unconditional love is that it is, well. unconditional, even when some terms and conditions probably would have been in order haha.

that's the pattern you see there again and again; he would rather destroy and abandon and imprison himself at every turn than let go of love, even when it's just scraps, even when there's only ever enough of it to hurt him. it's only when rook shows up and as it were takes his hand and walks along with him that he can entertain the idea of changing the story of what walking out the door might mean in the end.

[artgletic]

case study of the self-identified god

[cloudellesims]

VIVI!

[stardust-moth]

In order to fully understand why it was so hard for Mike to express how deeply he loves El, and why his speech at the end of season 4 was one of the biggest, most important moments for his entire character, we need to look at not just who Mike is as a person, but also everything that has happened since he met her.

Every single time he opens up his heart to her, something horrible happens to her or she's taken away from him almost immediately afterwards.

1x08; he's an awkward little ball of feelings that are way too big for a boy so young. He makes a nervous attempt at confessing and asking her out on a date; when he can't find words that she'll understand, swoops in for a kiss instead. She lights up immediately and smiles. It's a brief moment of hope and pure happiness. Maybe they can have some semblance of a normal life and be normal kids after this is all over.

Minutes later, all hell breaks loose-- they're almost shot, El pushes herself too far until she can barely move, she's almost taken away by the Bad Men, the Demogorgon appears, and she uses the very last of her strength to sacrifice herself to save him and their friends.

He has to watch helplessly as she disappears.

He spends a year caught between believing she's dead and hoping she's still out there somewhere (but if she is alive then why won't she talk to him anymore...?). Kept silent under threat by the lab, he can't confide in anyone or even acknowledge her existence, not with anyone except those involved... but everyone else is keen on moving on and pretending it never happened. He can find some solidarity in Will, at least, who is in a similar kind of emotional turmoil... but it's not the same and it's not enough.

2x9; he is finally reunited with El, and she runs into his arms like she missed him too. She tells him that all those nights he called out to her, she heard him; she was there reciprocating his feelings the whole time.

In a burst of emotions that he's been forced to suppress for an entire year, he lashes out at the reason they've been kept apart (Hopper), screaming and sobbing. It's a massive catharsis for him, and for once an adult is understanding enough to hold him and not punish him for it.

Minutes later, she is going to go headfirst into a pit of monsters, the place where Mike had just firsthand witnessed dozens of people (if not more) get ripped to shreds only hours earlier, and she is going to attempt to close the Gate-- a feat that he knows may take every ounce of her power, just like last time. He cries. He can't lose her again. She promises he won't, and before she can seal that promise with a kiss, they're pulled apart again.

He has to watch helplessly as she drives away.

3x1; all seems to be okay now. He and El are happily together, and he feels comfortable enough to be playful, romantic, and intimate with her. It's the most emotionally open we've ever seen Mike thus far.

For reasons he can't understand (bc there's no way Hopper explained himself beyond "I'm in charge so do as I say or else"), Hopper is angry about it and threatens to never allow him to see her again: the one thing he fears most.

He panics big time and fucks it up in the process by lying to her. During a frantic attempt to apologize while also abiding by Hopper's rules, he runs into her at the mall. He panics again-- if anyone finds her here, and knows that he was here too, it's all over, and Hopper surely won't hear reason. El dumps him cold on the spot, spurred on by Max and her rebellious attitude (and without any context of course). He isn't given much opportunity to respond. He knows he's in the wrong for lying to her, so what could he even say...?

He has to watch helplessly as she drives away.

It's a hard blow, and he retreats back into himself, unable to get any joy out of playing D&D (which he clearly hasn't lost interest in), back to the deadpan sarcasm and accidentally snapping a little too harshly at anyone whom he feels would take El's place.

3x6; no one seems to understand the danger El is putting herself in. Everyone is berating him for worrying about her safety. He's seen firsthand what these monsters do to people, he's seen firsthand how El pushes her abilities too far. No one is listening.

The words "I love her and I can't lose her again" burst out in his desperation, perhaps before he's even had a chance to realize how deep those feelings run, despite whatever protective walls he's tried to build around his heart to keep it from getting broken again.

Soon after, all hell breaks loose. El is nearly killed several times over, her leg is ripped open, she pushes herself so hard that she breaks herself and loses her powers completely. Her father is taken from her. She's shattered by all of this, and there's absolutely nothing he could do or say to make it better.

She tells him that when he admitted he loves her, she heard him, and indeed she loves him, too... But now she's leaving.

He has to watch helplessly as she drives away.

4x1; they've been apart for a few months, and write letters back and forth to each other. El's letters paint a picture of an ideal new life: she and the Byers family are doing well; she's starting school and it's going well; she's made new friends, she likes her new home, everything is going well. She seems to be thriving. She sounds happy, maybe even happier than she had been living in Hawkins. Maybe Max was right, maybe she's better off being her own person without him, and maybe the respectful thing to do is step back... It's a small insecurity that creeps up subconsciously. In his replies he holds back, afraid of clinging too hard.

Though there's little logic in it, he's afraid that if he tells her he loves her again, another disaster might strike and this lovely happy life she's finally found might get taken from her. After all, that's what always seems to happen when he does.

4x2; after months of waiting, they can finally see each other again. He wears her favorite colors, picks a handful of flowers for her, and falls happily back into step with how they used to be. Soon that same day, however, reality becomes clear and the facade crumbles. People he was told were her friends show up to torment and publicly humiliate her. She had been lying. She isn't happy here, she hasn't healed, she is right at the edge of a breaking point that he doesn't see coming at all. He can't believe she would lie to him, she's not the kind of person to lie... especially not about something like bullying, something that she was always so understanding about with him.

On that logicless subconscious level, he wonders if it's all his fault-- he should have known somehow, he should have been there for her. She protected him from his bullies, he should have protected her from hers. He tries to come to her rescue. She runs away from him.

He's helpless to save her, again.

4x3; after a night to process everything that happened-- and deciding that the betrayal he feels from her lying to him is nothing compared to the turmoil she must be going through right now-- Mike approaches her in the gentlest way possible, wanting to listen and trying to understand. El, however, isn't receptive at all to his attempts at reassurance. She is at an all-time low, she's given up. She believes she is unlovable, irredeemable, a monster, just a thing that doesn't even have those superhuman abilities to compensate anymore. Mike can't believe what he's hearing-- doesn't she know that she's always been so much more than her powers? She's always been so much more than what she lacks in quote-unquote "normalcy"... None of those things matter, they have absolutely no bearing on whether she's worthy of being loved, because he loves her, completely regardless of any of these things. He always has...

El starts flinging his restrained words back at him, the products of his insecurity and trauma-induced fear. That fear takes hold yet again, and he stumbles, afraid of saying too much or not enough, because surely both could result in pushing her away-- she's retreating, hearing none of it; nothing he tries to say consoles her.

Moments later, local police come knocking. She's taken away in cuffs, and she's so broken inside that she won't even look at him when he chases the police car down the street and promises he'll get her out somehow...

Once again, he has to watch helplessly as she drives away.

4x8/4x9; after days of driving through the heat and dryness of southwest desert, having narrowly escaped being shot at with military-grade assault rifles, witnessing the death of and burying a man whose last words were that El is in danger... After watching dozens of people get mowed down by a sniper in a helicopter, and watching that same helicopter be smashed into the ground in a ball of flames...

There she is. Just as powerful and beautiful and alive as she's ever been. When he runs to her and embraces her, she looks at him like she can't believe he's real. She's beaming a smile right from her soul and it's like all the insecurity and self-doubt that have plagued them both just vanish from existence now that they're in each other's arms again.

Like always, however, the universe comes crashing down soon after. Max is marked for a gruesome death and all of Hawkins is in danger. They're miles away and helpless, and the only possible way for El to save everyone is if she goes in alone. She's stronger than ever, but so is her foe. Once again, she descends to face all the demons of hell on her own, and Mike can't do anything.

She's losing. She's choking. She's dying. He's helpless.

He must be cursed. He must be. Being with her, loving her, allowing himself to admit he loves her, it always brings only pain and suffering and loss. His heart is so full that it's aching, it's bursting out of his chest, and he can't contain it any longer.

She's going to die and it's going to be all his fault, because he fell in love, and it's cursed her.

Just before it all crumbles into utter despair, the earnest support from his oldest and dearest friend-- one who's always shared and understood his feelings of helplessness-- sparks a light of hope in him: "You're the Heart." You're not helpless. You can save her.

The words that come spilling out of Mike's mouth are truer than any he's ever dared to speak before, and it's the most terrified he's ever been, but he has enough courage for this moment. Despite all of the fears that have been building, stifling, choking him to death for years-- fears that the light of his life will inevitably disappear again, and there's nothing he can do to stop it-- despite it all, he pours out his heart to her.

He loves her. He's always loved her. He loves everything she ever was, is, and could be. He can't imagine a world without her in it. She saved him, in every way a person can be saved. And he needs her to live. He believes in her.

And it works. It's music to her ears.

[thesweetnessofspring]

Katniss actually said that if not for the existence of the Games and Panem's shitty state in general, that she, at 17 years old, could possibly be married and pregnant. Full-on teen mothering it with her dandelion in the spring if Panem could chill out for a sec and stop killing children. And then she proceeded to fantasize about Peeta and his child safe in the meadow. This thought alone gave her one of three nights of restful sleep without drugs post-Games during the series (the other two being when she was in Peeta's arms).

And yet when the Games did end permanently and Katniss indeed went ahead and married/committed to Peeta and had a family with him at about 30 years old, some people still did a surprise Pikachu face and complained it was out of character.

WHAT MORE DID SHE HAVE TO DO TO FORESHADOW THE ENDING?

[michelle-jacksons-art-blog]

The rumors are true: Peter B. Parker has TWO hands

[mamawasatesttube]

every time im forced to remember that t*mberkon exists an angel loses its wings. violently

[kristiliqua]

some ultrakill fans flaming people for playing on lenient/harmless is so funny to me because here i am in my little corner playing on harmless with Also 100% damage reduction (in major assist settings) because my severe anxiety cannot handle the idea of me taking any damage at all . i am wearing my propeller hat and eating my lollipop and i am having fun :3 (and maybe one day i can ease that anxiety and play without major assists)

[realbeefman]

stacy is sooo interesting because she's in love with house but knows that they will never ever be able to have a healthy, stable, sane relationship because they're too similar so. she finds house-lite instead and marries him and. essentially moves on with her life! and is successful in this because she's a moderately well-adjusted person!

wilson, in contrast, never manages to escape the inevitable, in spite of his best efforts to find a house-lite of his very own, because he's an absolute fucking freak and ends up glued to house to the bitter. bitter end

[ember-not-amber]

I recently started watching The Handmaid's Tale on Hulu (the last episode I watched was S2 ep 7) and I'm curious what the general consensus is on Luke & June vs Nick & June bc I really like Nick for June and Luke doesn't seem terrible at all. Still, that one flashback scene where he reassures June that they should stay together even though they started their relationship while he was still married to another woman, "she doesn��t matter because we’re going to get married. I’m going to make you happy." gave me the ick.

Like, you married Annie, too and you still cheated on her so how is that at all reassuring? I'm still waiting for a flashback that shows what Annie and Luke's relationship was like bc I have absolutely no clue why he cheated on her. I can understand why June technically cheated on Luke with Nick which was bc she was trapped in a terrible system where she was abused and felt unloved and unwanted and she was separated from her loved ones and she just wanted to feel something. So far I haven't seen any dialogue from Luke saying anything about what his marriage with Annie was like but if I had to guess, based on the episode where Annie stalked June and accused her of "stealing her husband" as if he's not also a human being capable of making his own choices, maybe they had differing views/ideas on what they wanted out of marriage, or he fell out of love with her, or he cheated just to cheat like a lot of douchebag guys do.

And yes, I am aware that June is also in the wrong for knowingly going after a married man, she isn't innocent in this either. She did seem to consider ending the relationship after Annie confronted her (which, why did it take his ex confronting you for you to consider not getting with a married man? Did Moira not give you any criticism for it? She seems like the type who would bc real friends tell you when you did sth wrong and they hold you accountable but judging by how they act around each other Moira seems very supportive of their relationship) whereas Luke didn't seem to think there was anything wrong with staying with the woman he started a relationship with while he was still taken at any point in time but that means nothing since she did end up staying with him despite that.

Sorry for how long this is, I originally meant for this to be shorter lol I'll put a Keep Reading tab in case ppl just want the tl;dr at the top. So, with all this considered I'm wondering if everyone else that enjoys this show wants June to end up with Nick or stay with Luke and which one is supported by the majority of people?

[lovesodeepandwideandwell]

Things I really really really hope my next home has:

A garage

A garbage disposal

More bathroom storage than just directly around and under the sink

[cannimumsable]

Izuku taking down all his posters and turning his figurines to face the wall before the kacchan makeout session

[jjsanguine]

Style's father: you've got to get your finances in order before you get married after all

Style: married? old man, we just stared dating lmao

Style's father: before I die at least

Fadel:

Fadel: give me five years then. I'll save to and come talk to you, father.

[anaconda-creates]

scary monster under my bed (essay i haven't started)(due tonight) maybe if i snuggle very cozy under the covers it wont see me and i'll be safe

[anghraine]

This was initially part of a longer post, but I like to contemplate a headcanon about Spock after "The Immunity Syndrome." Basically, I wonder, once the dust settles, how Spock feels about the deaths on the Intrepid, what he allows himself to process, consider, resent, or grieve.

For context: I think there's a pretty clear parallel between Spock getting hit like a truck by the psychic shock of 400 Vulcans dying on the Intrepid, and Kirk's experiences on Tarsus IV and the Farragut. But I also feel that Kirk's governing rationales in the episode are markedly Spock-like or directly parallel Spock. He accepts (however reluctantly) the pragmatic logic that it should be McCoy or Spock who goes on the suicide mission rather than himself. He considers Spock's and McCoy's arguments about which one should go, and Kirk's mental calculus leads him to the same conclusion as Spock, that his steadier temperament trumps McCoy's more specialized biological knowledge.

Spock's recording of likely-posthumous commendations for the crew of the Enterprise and the ship itself only names one individual in particular, "the captain," before cutting to Kirk's own recording of his commendations. Kirk's version lists various officers and then specifies that his highest commendation goes to Spock (who he believes at that point to be dead ;_;). Kirk risks the entire crew of the Enterprise to rescue Spock with a margin of error of less than a minute, against the advice of Scotty and Spock himself, which is exactly the kind of thing Spock does in episodes like "The Tholian Web" (usually against the advice of, uh, everyone).

Anyway, I headcanon that once the adrenaline has dropped and the Enterprise is safely en route to the starbase or wherever, and McCoy has checked Spock's vitals etc, and they're all off-duty, that Spock retreats to the solitude of his quarters to meditate and perform whatever rituals should be done for the Intrepid's crew. I suspect that he'd feel intensely alone in those moments, after witnessing and psychically experiencing something that most people on the Enterprise can barely contemplate and don't try to understand. In response to this behavior earlier, Spock himself said sharply:

You find it easier to understand the death of one than the death of a million. You speak about the objective hardness of the Vulcan heart, yet how little room there seems to be in yours.

But of course, there is an obvious someone on the Enterprise who absolutely would get the horror of witnessing meaningless mass deaths of a community you're part of. So I like to imagine that, after Kirk revises his log, he stops by—not realizing Spock is mid-meditation—to see if there's anything he can do and express understanding for what he must be going through.

I imagine that, jerked out of meditation and contemplating What Must Be Done, Spock's kneejerk response would be a weary "You cannot possi—" before the realization hits him that, of course, Kirk does understand, and he quietly welcomes him. They don't say much beyond Spock providing some limited explanation of protocols for honoring the dead when there's no way to recover any part of them, and Kirk nodding and quietly assisting. But he stays afterwards for a few hours in which Spock can't bring himself to assure him he can go, and there are not-quite-awkward long silences, and Spock asks some questions about the Farragut. It's a rare context in which Kirk is actually willing to talk about what happened—if it makes things easier for Spock in the first wake of experiencing this, okay.

I also imagine that Kirk is like ... obviously I didn't experience the deaths psychically, I'm not saying it's exactly the same. Spock just responds that, also, he understands that this is nothing to the sheer quantity of deaths that Kirk has seen, when 10x as many people died on Tarsus IV alone. This time the moment of silence is awkward, but then Kirk tells him that there's a point at which comparisons of death tolls become illogical. Spock thinks this doesn't make sense, but in another way, it very much does, and he's not sure even Sarek would disagree.