#like I do take time to excercise but in my head that's more like having a time set apart for cleaning or doing the dishes

[icewindandboringhorror]

Various images from the past year or so... posting my evil little photo diary collections once again..

[the-s1lly-corner]

Hey I was wondering if you could do Charlie x reader (platonic) who's a fallen angel that fell simply because they were always sleeping and wasn't doing their job? The reader right after falling decides to head to that "Hazbin Hotel" they remember someone saying in a meeting they were sleeping through, after they confirm that it's the Hazbin Hotel they go in, and just immediately fall asleep landing on the floor. They're almost always seen sleeping no matter what's happening and how loud it is.

Platonic Charlie x sleepy!fallen angel!reader

My mouth feels dry after eating chocolate and I dont like that :(

Also does anyone know any good horror podcasts? I've been listening to wendigoon and papa meats creep cast while drawing, and I want to find other podcasts similar to that

She gets worried by how tired you are all the time

She does get used to it over time but theres still that nagging thought in the back of her mind

If you ever tell her why you fell shes going to be so angry on your behalf, ESPECIALLY if you cant control it

She would probably try to find ways to boost your energy or find the root of the problem

Light excercises, snacks, stimulation

Stuff like that!

She makes sure you're still taking care of yourself

As someone who is also always tired in one way or another, taking care of yourself can seem like too much work or overwhelming. Charlie wants to make things as easy as possible for you

Always has a back up for important jobs in case you aren't able to complete them, if she can she will do it herself or do it with you

Tries to make your bed more comfortable so you can have a better quality of sleep, hoping that it will help you out at least a little bit

[lynnlovesthestars]

Blood.

Pairing: Astarion x gn!reader

Genre and warnings: hurt and comfort, allusions to sexual assault, past trauma, mention of torture, emptiness, lots of feelings ngl.

Gentle reminder that what is going to be under the cut, is a sensitive topic, we can't know who is going to scroll past it or read, so please be mindful about those around you. Myself I am a survivor and though I'm confident enough to write about it, it doesn't mean everyone is, so once more, please excercise kindness towards others.<3

Part One- scars.

Astarion cradled your body to his chest, he rested against the headboard while keeping you in his lap, his cold fingers traced shapes as he helped you calm your breath.

Even with the bandages wrapped around your body, the raw wounds ached no matter what you laid on, and if you had the chance of laying on a bed and in pain, or staying cradled in Astarion's arms still in pain, you always picked the second.

There was something about his touch that was able to soothe you. Particularly now, when you couldn't find the strength to do anything, his arms around your middle reminded you were in a safe corner, he wouldn't hurt you.

"My love" he whispered as he placed a soft kiss on top of your head. “You need to eat something, and take a bath” He hoped you’d turn your head, even just say yes or no, but you couldn’t, you just let everything happen. It’s been three days since you last had something similar to a meal, and Astarion wasn’t fond of the idea, especially since you were also dangerously close to being void of all your blood.

He didn’t want to force you to look at him when his fingers gently turned your face towards his, he knew what it felt like, so he didn’t force you to open your eyes, he simply rested his forehead against yours, eyes closed as well, as he was just caressing your cheek.

“I wish I could just take away the pain, my love” He kept his voice low, barely a whisper, words no one else had to hear but you. “I know it hurts, but you need at least a few bites of anything, even just a piece of bread.” His other arm was still wrapped around your waist, keeping you close to him. He was never going to let you go, he would fight for the both of you if you allowed him to. If he had the chance to take the burden of your pain as well, he wouldn’t hesitate. He would carry it all, if it meant he could see your smile or hear your laugh, if it meant he could lay next to you as you slept a night without nightmares, if it meant you would scold him because carrying your pain was an idiotic idea, cause it would break you to see him in pain, the same way it’s breaking him to see you like this. Despite this he knew that you’d carry his pain if it meant he was okay, and he would scold you the same way.

He stayed silent as you worked slowly on his words, he knew well how hard it must be to even get your brain to move those cogs slowly, how hollow you could feel, how dirty your soul would feel. He just wanted to be there for you, help you, like he wished someone did with him.

Oh how he wished someone just held him close the first night he spent in solitary confinement, or when he’d have to endure months of starvation. The first time he was compelled to lure someone, he just wanted to scrape his skin off. What Cazador did to you was just like being stabbed over and over again while taking a bath in salt, but he had to be strong for the two of you. He promised to himself that one day this hollow feeling in your chests would just be a distant memory.

For a moment he was absorbed by his thoughts, he almost didn’t feel you squeezing ever so slightly his arm, like he guided you to do the first night, when he realized you were too hurt to speak anything but the pleas of in your nightmares.

“I’ll bring you some fruit then, my love” He placed another delicate kiss on your cheek before laying you on the bed, under the thick duvet. He quickly made his way towards the chest, gathering a plate and filling it with some fruit Halsin gathered in the woods outside Baldur’s Gate. He usually would eat the fruit as it was, uncaring if it had to be rinsed, but he put so much care in this plate, asking Shadowheart to purify the fruit before giving it to you, and cast some sort of heal on it as well, since you didn’t allow anyone but him to touch you. 

Once more you let everything happen around you, Astarion would help you up and slowly feed you a small portion of fruit while praising. Letting you know how good you were doing, and how proud he was of you.

He would do it so gently that the rest of the group was hardly able to keep his eyes off him, as he would try and coax a smile from you, while slowly he helped you eat all the food.

His tone was once more low just for you to listen. “Do you feel like you can walk a little?” He asked. At the absence of you squeeze, he took your hand in his. “Do you want me to carry you to the bathroom?” You could see it in his eyes, how he was pleading with you to trust him on this, to let him care for you. You trusted him with your life.

“Please, yes” You shakily let out as you lowered your eyes to your hands. You didn’t notice his reaction, since he just jumped up, but he could feel his eyes instantly getting glassy, and the knot in his throat slowly unclenching at the sound of your voice. It was days that the only thing that fell from your lips were teary no’s and heart shattering screams.

He was so afraid of hurting you, of pressing too hard on the wounds, unaware how you actually needed it, no matter the pain it would cause in those few days you learnt how to dissociate from reality, to ignore the stinging sensation or the phantom touch haunting you through the day. Of course you could tell the difference between Astarion’s fingers just mindlessly tracing your skin, and the feeling of nails dipping in your hips, at your legs or at your arms, fighting to pull you one way or another, while also trying to keep you from moving. You wanted to erase those memories, forget how it made you want to retch. You wanted to beg Astarion to erase it himself, with his touch, with his lips, with his everything, but words were too heavy on your tongue, just like moving your limbs.

Astarion was lost in his thoughts as he read the scroll Gale wrote for him, “how to warm up water, quickly. (But make sure it’s not too quick or you are gonna boil your skin, idiot)”. He gave it to him months prior when Astarion wanted to take a warm bath but there was no bath house in kilometers.

“My love..” He kneeled in front of you, taking your hand in his hand and placing a kiss on your knuckles. “Can you undress and get in the water or do you need help?” You wanted to tell him he could have raised his voice, you were alone and no one was going to eavesdrop, but you could tell he didn’t want to startle when you were zoning out or lost in thoughts. “If you need it, just tell me and I’ll call Jaheira or Karlach, so they can help you get in the water.” He over explained himself as he was just so careful to not make you uncomfortable.

“No, you” Your free hand rested on his. “Please stay” 

He didn’t reply at that, his cheeks taking just the softest shade of pink, as he got up. He kissed your forehead again as he helped you up on your feet. 

He waited until you nodded at him, letting him know you were okay with him.

He was very careful to pull up the shirt, trying to not pull too hard in case your exposed wounds would have stuck to the fabric.

It reminded him when he had to dress again after Cazador marked his skin, how unavoidable it was for his back to make contact with his button up, and how painful it was to get undressed. He was glad, though, that a good bit of your skin was covered in bandages. When he brought you back, and Shadowheart had to wrap you up, she didn’t have enough bandages to cover all your open wounds, so she had to cover the deepest ones, the one that were oozing more blood than the others, while she could only heal you a little bit at a time through that night.

Astarion was quick to unwrap the bandages, his face scrunched in a worried look, as you hissed at the feeling of your skin being fred, like it was about to peel off from your muscles, just like Cazador pulled it from your chest. 

Astarion tried his best to ignore the bubbling anger in his chest at the first sight of the bloodied lines, your whole body marked by that bastard, almost as a taunting reminder that in a way, he won. Cazador broke you, he took you in front of him, he used you until you were just hollow, he stole the smile from your lips, and there was no way to hide the reminder. Whenever you’d look at yourself in the mirror, or you’d look at your fingers, you’d see Cazador engraved in your skin, and he hated it. He hated that he was able to haunt him even after his death.

Astarion slowly guided you towards the water, helping you in until you were laying in the tub, and pressing another kiss on your cheek.

He was ready to step back, allowing you to let your body go in the warm water, when you didn’t let go of his hand. “No, please, don’t leave” You pleaded, tears pooling at the corners of your eyes, as you felt the haunting hand of fear on your shoulder. 

“I’m gonna stay here with you my love” He pointed towards the bench where you were sitting moments ago, you could have sworn that it was too far in that moment. You wanted, no you needed him close, to cling to him like he was going to disappear at any moment, to feel his skin against yours, to remind you he was real and not just a fragment of your delusional mind trying to cope with the nightmares.

“No, please, here” If you had the strength to pull him stronger, you would have dragged him in the water yourself, but you were holding that hand with all you had already.

It took him a moment to grasp at what you meant, as his confused scowl quickly eased in a sad smile. He lowered, so you didn’t have to strain your neck to look up, as his eyes searched for something in yours. “Are you sure, my love?” He asked in a breath, as he studied your face, your movements, how your chest was raising and lowering rhythmically, to catch even the smallest hint of hesitation, but when you nodded at him unhesitant, he smiled back at you.

He turned towards the shelf nearby, plucking several bottles from there that he placed next to the ones you recognized as yours. 

He looked for your eyes as he took his time untying his shirt, waiting for your nod before quickly peeling off all his clothes and making his way in the warm, soothing water.

For a moment you just both laid there, your hands intertwined as you allowed the water to caress your skin.

“How did you do it?” You asked, sucking in a breath, you needed some reassurance, any kind. “How did you get over it?” He could feel your hand stiffen along your body.

“I guess I didn’t until recently” He admitted, for the first time he avoided your eyes. “After 10 years of confinement, you stop trying to fight it I guess” His voice cracked at the last word, his hand unclasped from yours as he rested his back against the edge of the tub, measuring his words before letting them out. 

“After I was let out again, expected to comply without putting up a fight, it became a matter of survival. It was either that, or starvation, torture and pain” He was mustering all his strength to resist the tears.

“Though the feelings never..” He hesitated for a moment. “They never left, for 200 years. Intimacy felt tainted” You recall him mentioning it, when you were in Moonrise.

“Then you came around, and bedding you didn’t work” He could feel that disgust against himself rise just at the thought of using it against you. Or rather, at his advantage. “You were supporting me, you wanted to know my opinion about anything, you held me when no one would have done it” He tilted his head back, his hair slowly starting to lose its form as the steam relaxed the curls. “I don’t know what it is about the way your touch feels, the idea of you being so close to me, so vulnerable, for the first time in my life, it feels genuine. It feels real. It’s not coated with lies.” He breathed out for a moment, looking for your eyes, making sure he didn’t say too much and scared you away. “You happened and it’s like your touch is healing me” He brushed his index finger on your cheek, taking in your teary eyes, the way you were tilting ever so slightly your head as you listened to him, and the way you were resting your hands together on your leg, fidgeting with them.

“I will always have nightmares, and I hate that you will as well,” He admitted. “But now that I know that I have you by my side..” His finger gently traced the line of your shoulder, pushing them down so you could allow them to relax. “I know I can endure them, cause when I’ll wake up crying, and you’ll be laying next to me, I know I will be at home”. It was like he took his heart straight out of his chest, and laid it bare there for you. He wanted to let you know how much he cared for you, and how much you meant to him. He would be there, step by step.

“‘Starion” Your voice trembled at his sight, you could see it through his eyes, the hurt, how vulnerable he felt by letting you in his heart, and deep down the fear, that same fear that had been waiting in the back of your mind. The fear of being too much to handle. You wanted to say something more, but he stopped you, knowing that talking about this more, could have been too much for you.

“Shh” He whispered gently, extending his hand for you. “I promise you, my love. I will wait for you, I will be there all the way, even if you’ll be too afraid to kiss me for the rest of your life. Until the end of our days, I will still hold you to my chest and live off of that touch only” He smiled as you held his hand, and closed the space between your bodies, resting your head on his chest. “As long as you are by my side, I will do my very best to protect you, to help you reclaim yourself, I promise, my love”

[oneatlatime]

The Blind Bandit

I had honestly forgotten that the Gaang were trying to find an earthbending teacher, so the 'previously on' segment was actually useful instead of spoilery.

Nobody's face is having a good time.

Look at this sweetheart. You go ahead and treat yourself honey. You've single-handedly escorted a pair of earth-shatteringly overpowered tweens around the world for months; the least you deserve is a shopping trip.

"You kids like earthbending?" Has the same energy as "wanna buy a sun dial?" from that animated Hercules movie.

This guy is one of those strip mall karate types.

I take back everything I ever said about Zuko's season 1 haircut. This guy has a dust bunny poop on his head.

Momo's bag now.

My absolute favourite girl power: incredible violence!

The acoustics at this earth rumble place must be great. I don't see any microphones.

"That's what I paid for." Sokka is a simple creature at heart. Likes food and violence.

Something very strange about this guy's face. I think his mouth moves but his eyes don't.

So apparently earthbending gets you mad air.

Oh! I get it. This is a WWE parody. Somebody on the writing team did their homework too. Don't ask me how I know, but this is a very accurate parody.

Sokka thinks listening to big muscles is a very good idea actually.

And here's the heel. Complete with russian accent. And oddly homoerotic anthem. And cowardice when challenged! Yep, total heel.

I LOLed at the zamboni badgermoles and hockey organ.

She's like two feet tall!

I'm. in love.

I could watch little girls beat up grown men all day.

Earthbending sonar?

Omigod it predicts. She can see moves before they happen.

Well it's a good thing Bumi said to look for someone who Waited and Listened rather than Watched.

"I don't really want to fight you. I want to talk to you." Says the guy who just volunteered, in front of a full stadium, to FIGHT her. Time and place, Aang.

Get back on the ground you flighty airbender. She sees with that ground. No fair.

This is about the face I made when Aang pulled that move. Does this boy think at all? I love him, but what part of stealing her well-earned title is supposed to convince her to talk to him?

You messed up.

I love sartorially inclined Sokka. It's a tiny an innocuous little trait, but it rounds out his character so well.

I get to watch two different girls terrorise idiots this episode. I am blessed.

So I'm guessing the two idiots at the earthbending academy are doing that excercise where kung fu people stick their hands in sand (I've seen videos of it) but it really looked like they were in the 'beat back the dough' phase of making bread.

In this universe of plot-convenient clothing blindness, how do Dumb and Dumber recognise Aang as the one who beat the Blind Bandit?

I think the voice actor for the dumb kid with actual hair did a bunch of voices in season 1. The soldier who gives Aang Bato's map comes to mind.

Have I said recently how much I love Sokka and Katara?

These wrestling guys keep switching between first and third person. Too many rocks to the head.

This could be a board for a murder mystery board game. Or a map for a DND dungeon.

It's her hair. I thought the Blind Bandit had a cap type thing with a little brim for her costume, but it's just a pile of her hair? Like a beehive?

A lesson in character writing: if you want to make someone look super dumb, have them earnestly believe in the credentials and authenticity of a guy you have previously set up as a borderline con artist. Lookin at you, Blind Bandit's dad.

"Basic forms and breathing exercises only." That line is just so funny. And they're all so stupid. She snapped like half a dozen spines last night and this guy is preaching breathing exercises.

Wow! I hate her dad!

I hate him more!

Sokka going ham on some rice rather than listen to the idiots. Good priorities.

This passive aggressive fight between the girl and Aang at the dinner table is so fun.

Looking for somewhere to store your meal after you've face planted into it? Try the top of your head!

I need to get a hold of some of those magic napkins. Wiped up a whole multicourse meal in like 5 seconds.

That is indeed the appropriate reaction to this pint sized badass. Glad Aang is learning. (Also this episode needs more Appa. The last couple have been sadly bereft.)

Called it. Earthdending sonar. Or is it more like echolocation? No! Whiskers!

How does this pint sized badass - who if I am understanding correctly, is not known to exist outside the walls of her house - have more emotional intelligence than the entirety of the Gaang put together?

So much for the guards in the garden. They'd actually be useful now.

Sokka. Priorities. Although given how many times Aang has escaped custody/kidnapping he's probably ok to take a minute to fangirl over an autograph.

These idiot parents don't know their daughter at all. That chafes.

"I'm not smiling." I LOLed at that too. Perfect delivery.

Hippo man having a snack before he gets down to business. No wonder he's missing teeth.

All this blind and tiny and helpless and fragile talk is really making me hope someone smacks the crap out of the dad. What an awful thing to say, nevermind saying it where your daughter can hear.

SMACKDOWN INCOMING

This is gonna be good.

If this girl does join the Gaang the writers are going to have to nerf her in every major conflict. She's too powerful. I bet she could take on the firelord now.

And that's why you don't announce sneak attacks.

So remember how Sokka was absolutely losing his shit over the Boulder? That's me right now.

She waits. All these idiots are losing because they're getting impatient and attacking first. Which means that, to her senses, they're telegraphing their moves. That is so cool. And so is this visual.

Here's your chance Dad. Are you going to mess it up?

"I love fighting. I love being an Earthbender. And I'm really really good at it." me:

I don't have words for how much I LOVE when little girls STAND UP for THEMSELVES and THEIR INTERESTS. This would have had me HOLLERING if I'd seen it as a kid. It was a message I needed to hear too.

Wow I want to kill her parents.

OH FUCK OFF

COME ON

You made my girl cry.

Get wrecked belt stealer. I LOLed at this too.

Sokka just beaned a blind girl on the head. Not a good look. I laughed though.

Fun fact: everyone in this picture is a piece of shit.

I haven't been this steamed since Zuko's dad burned half his face off.

Final Thoughts

IT WAS SO GOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Seriously, this episode feels like it's movie quality. This show is usually excellent, but this feels like a cut above. I feel like I could sense the love the writers, animators, voice actors, everyone had for this episode. They had a good time making it and were enthusiastic about it. And there were lots of tiny background details in this episode too. I'm sure I missed quite a few. Oh No! I'll have to rewatch it!

New team member! That hasn't happened since Momo. Actually, no wonder the episode was so good. Introducing the first new team member in at least a season's worth of episodes is a delicate operation. I bet they were workshopping this episode since early in the first season.

And Toph! (thank you credits for how to spell that - I was really hoping it wasn't Toff). Be still my heart I love Toph. She may well take Sokka's spot as my favourite character. Strength of character, self-assurance, emotional intelligence, badassery, mastery of violence, what's not to love!!!

How did she get so emotionally intelligent and articulate if her parents have kept her caged her whole life? I don't know but I'm not complaining!

How did her parents get away with caging her for her whole life? I do know (money) and I am complaining. Very much so. And yet Toph can still find it within herself to have an honest conversation with them, including apologising for leaving said cage. I never would have had the maturity to do that in a similar situation. I would have gone the Katara explosive rage route.

A little girl who stands up for herself. Against HER PARENTS. I just. Do you know how amazing that is? Especially in a kids' show? I was ROBBED by not being able to see this show when I was Toph's age.

Does bending work like a muscle, in that you build up stamina? Because if so, then Toph is the strongest human earthbender in the world by default. If she's using it in place of seeing, then she's using it 100% of the time that she's awake, all day every day. By the time she was like 5 years old she'd probably used her bending more than the average earthbender does in their whole lifetime.

My one complaint is Toph's voice. Nothing wrong with it; this is a me thing. It fits her perfectly, but my ears do not play well with nasal voices, which hers is. I had to rewind quite a few times and resorted to subtitles by the end. Hopefully I'll get used to it like I did Zuko's.

Sokka! My soon to be demoted beloved! He shone in this episode. I love that he has fashion sense and is not afraid to show it. I'm thinking, what with how hung up he was on masculinity at the start of the show, that the water tribes have a different conception of masculinity: one that classes fashionability as a masculine or gender neutral trait. Even back in season one it didn't take much to get Sokka into the Kyoshi warrior uniform, and he's shockingly good at applying face paint symmetrically. Which I still cannot do with winged eyeliner.

Katara! Not headed for a career in diplomacy but so satisfying to watch. I would love to have a Katara in my pocket that I could unleash on people. And her and Sokka bouncing off each other this episode was great. Every one was at peak performance this episode, except Aang. Not at his brightest this episode.

Checking for typos before I post this and I realise I'd already forgotten that Toph is blind! Just like in the Northern Air Temple, this is how you do disability right: as just a part of who they are, rather than an entire personality. This show is so good.

In sum, Toph:

[gojocp]

"now playing:.."

cw: fluff, angst(??) in itadori's part featuring: gojo satoru, geto suguru, megumi fushiguro, nanami kento, yuuji itadori

a/n: the way i literally deleted all of the fic and had to redo it. also has anyone read the webtoon 'weak hero' cuz im re-reading it and there are literally ZERO fics abt it. also pls lmk if u find any apocalypse-type jjk or aot fics. lmk how this is!! (i think i turned geto in another version of gojo, i literally cannot write for anyone but him its so sad. also i feel like megumi's made no sense LMAO)

GOJO SATORU: 'always forever' by cults. "you and me.. always, forever!! we could stay.. alone, together!!" ─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

"hey, stop! get away suguru!" utahime shouts, running away from the 16 year old. "nope, sorry utahime! no tag-backs!!" he responds, slapping her back and running away.

"fine! screw you!" she shouts, running to haibara and tagging him quickly.

"haibara! get me!" yells suguru, waving his arms. "okay! if you say so!" haibara responds, doing as the upperclassmen says.

"thanks!" he smiles, making a bee-line towards utahime. "stop it! (y/n) help me, please! why aren't you two playing?" she yells.

"we're tired man.." satoru says, resting his head on yours as you lean against his shoulder, eating a popsicle.

"you were sitting there the whole time!" shoko exclaims. "you didn't even do anything." nanami agrees, having yet to be caught.

"if you need some shade you're free to join us." you say. "no thanks, we're actually getting excercise, unlike you guys. so lazy.." suguru responds.

"hey! stop ganging up on us! we'll sit if we want to! get lost!!" satoru shouts.

.・。.・゜✭・.

after 10 minutes of running around some more, the others decide to call it a day and take a seat in the shade of a seperate tree, not wanting to disturb the two of you. and not wanting to deal with satoru complaining.

"hey, this is nice y'know.." satoru starts, "just being alone together, while the others do their own thing. we should do this more often, just the two of us." he continues. "yeah, it's nice." you agree, looking up and placing a kiss on his jaw.

"hey! look at the sunset!" utahime exclaims, directing your attention away from your boyfriend for a moment. "oo, it's so pretty!" you gush.

"yeah," satoru agrees, looking at you. "it is pretty."

0:40 ——|———————— -3:20

GETO SUGURU: 'lovers rock' by tv girl. "and if you're too drunk to drive, and the music is right. she might let you stay, but just for the night" ─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

just like any teenager, suguru believes he can hold alcohol pretty well. he can't.

when shoko sneaks alcohol into the dorms, she convinces the 4 of you to try some. of course, satoru boasts about how well he can tolerate alcohol and challenges suguru to a 'drink off', as he says. after taking a few drinks from his glass, satoru is out cold. shoko decides to put the bottle away and take satoru to his room, leaving you with your drunk boyfriend to take care of.

"please get up, sugu. let me take you back to your room." you say, trying to convince him to get off your lap. "nahh, i'm good." he responds, slurring his words.

"okay fine, stay there then." you say, standing up and leaving him to lay on the floor. "wait-! where are you going? don't leave!" he exclaims, standing up too quickly. you move to catch him, swinging one of his arms over your shoulder to support his weight.

"back to your room, suguru," you respond, "that's where we're going."

"no! i don't wanna." he says stubbornly, wrapping his other arm around you. "wait- stop! we're gonna fall!" you shout. "then we can fall..!" he giggles.

"oh my god, you're so stubborn. i'm taking you to my room." you say, slightly agitated. "ooo, didn't know you were like that." he says, wriggling his eyebrows. 'kill me now.' you think, realizing your mistake, knowing he won't leave you alone about it.

"let's hurry to your room then." he says, leaving a sloppy kiss on your cheek.

you drag him to your room and drop him on the bed and head to the bathroom to do your skincare. when you come back, you find him staring at you, love prominent in his eyes.

"hey, cutie." he flirts with a grin on his lips. "shut up and go to bed." you respond.

"ow, so rude." he says, making himself comfortable under the covers.

"i love you.." he says, giving you a wet kiss on the cheek. "i love you too, go to sleep." you say, facing away from him. he wraps an arm around you and pulls you closer, kissing your nape a few times and snuggling into your neck.

"goodnight.." he mumbles, falling asleep soon after. "goodnight, sugu."

1:20 ————|—————— -3:20

MEGUMI FUSHIGURO: 'see you again' by tyler, the creator. "can i get a kiss? and can you make it last forever..." ─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

it's not often you and your friends get to hang out, often too busy with school work.

"wooo! i love the beach!" yuuji exclaims, chasing nobara as you all make your way to the sand. upon arriving, itadori quickly takes off his shoes and clothes, leaving him in his swimwear and runs into the water.

"guys!! (y/n)!! nobara!! megumi!! come swim!!" he exclaims, waving his arms. "coming!! wait up!" nobara says, running into the water.

after placing the towels and bags on the sand, you and megumi make your way to the water. "ugh! stop splashing me itadori!" nobara yells, splashing water back at itadori.

stepping into the water, megumi holds his hand out for you. "here." he says, offering you his hand. "thank you." you say, smiling at him. "eww! you guys are gross!" nobara says, splashing you with water as itadori joins in, splashing megumi.

"hey!" megumi scolds, throwing a beachball at itadori. "ow! what the hell?" itadori exclaims, as nobara laughs at him. "don't laugh, nobara!!"

"whatever.." she responds, splashing him again and swimming off. "get back here!" says itadori. "never!!" she retorts, getting splashed seconds later.

.・。.・゜✭・.

"oh god.. i'm so tired.." you say, heading back to the dorms. "i need a massage so bad." you continue. "i could give you one when we're back?" megumi offers, the others not being able to hear over their yells and shouts at each other. "i'd like that, thank you!" you beam, giving his hand a gentle squeeze.

after changing your clothes, you lay down and megumi begins massaging the knots out of your back. letting out a sigh of pleasure, you say, "thank you, megumi.." you say, smiling softly. "anytime." he responds fondly.

after a bit of silence, megumi decides to break it. "you know, sometimes i wonder.." if you look both ways when you cross my mind. "yeah?" you urge him to continue. "no, nevermind.." he replies. "you sure?" you ask. "yeah." he says smiling. "okay.." you say, deciding not to push him.

"i'm done.." he says, moving away and tucking you in. "can i get a kiss?" you ask, as he starts to leave. and can you make it last forever? smiling, he walks over and places a soft kiss on your lips. "goodnight.." he says. "goodnight... i love you." you say, smiling up at him. "i love you too." he says, placing another kiss on your cheek and shutting the door behind him.

2:00 ——————|———— -3:20

NANAMI KENTO: 'for the first time' by mac de marco. "it's just like seeing her.. for the first time..again.." ─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

two weeks. it had been two weeks since kento had seen you face-to-face. having to go on a mission out of the country, he wasn't very fond of leaving you alone for a long time. and even though you reassured him over and over, saying "oh, i'll be fine!! don't worry," and "it's only two weeks.. you'll be back in no time." he still worried.

and after two dreadful and godawful (according to him) weeks, he was finally back in japan, handing in his report.

"alright, that's everything. you're free to leave." upon hearing those words, he rushed out and quickly headed home.

"kento?" you asked, when you heard the front door open. "i'm home." he said warmly, with a fond smile etched on his face. 'they're so beautiful, just like when we first met.' running up to him, you wrap your arms around his neck and give him a warm hug, asking "how are you?".

"i'm okay, how have you been?" he asks. "ehh, it's been the same." you respond. squeezes his arms around your waist tighter and places soft kisses on your face.

"what's gotten into you, kento?" you question, laughing softly. "i missed you." he states, placing a final kiss on your forehead. "i missed you too, dear. how about you shower and we can eat? i made your favourite." you say, smiling up at him. "okay.. wait for me, my love." he responds, leaving to go shower.

.・。.・゜✭・.

after eating, you both head to bed and lie down. wrapping your arms around kento, you rest your head on his shoulder and look up at him.

"i missed you kento.." you say sleepily. "i missed you too." he responds. "i love you.." you add, letting sleep engulf you. "i love you too." he whispers, while softly sleeping.

'it's just like seeing her for the first time.. again..'

2:40 ————————|—— -3:20

YUJI ITADORI: "i'll never smile again" by tommy dorsey. 'i'll never smile again...untill i smile at you' ─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

'how did this happen?' he thinks to himself. 'this was supposed to be a grade one curse, where the hell did the special grade come from?'

you and yuuji were paired up to travel to shibuya to excorsise a grade one curse. easy enough, right? WRONG!! like all missions in shibuya, something had to go wrong, and in this case, a special grade appeared. you both tried your best to excorsise it, but all your efforts were futile as you were knocked out, and the curse remained in the city.

it had been two hours since then, another sorceror was sent to excorsise the curse. but yuji didn't care, his partner was unconsious and greatly injured, for heavens sake! you had been impaled in the arm and legs and cursed buds were planted inside you, growing deeper and deeper the more you used cursed energy.

i mean, it was already bad enough that an s grade curse appeared, but know you can't even use cursed techniques? the 15 year old couldn't recall what he had done to deserve this, but that's because he didn't do anything. the world is just cruel.

he couldn't ever imagine smiling or being truly happy in a world without you. you were the love of his life. you were his everything. he couldn't lose you too.

'i'll never smile again, until i smile at you.' he thinks to himself. 'please.. whatever god is up there, please save my partner.. i'm begging you..'

love really is the most twisted curse of all.

3:20 ——————————| -3:20

[shewreckz]

Hey your art is pretty whimsical and radical my gender non specific broseph, per chance would thou be able to enlighten us on how you draw such bodacious fine art? Like how you draw bodies and fave and what have thee. (Fr tho your art really cool and I'd like to see how you make it)

okay i have whipped up a quick little visual of my thought process while drawing!! it might not be the best cause im not the greatest at teaching but if anyones curious ^_^

first lets start with how i draw bodies

a lot of people like to do the "skeleton" method which is where you draw lines and circles to plan out where the limbs should be. honestly i really dislike doing that because i like to always have volume and shape in mind when drawing bodies, but if it works for you thats great.

instead i separate the body into different pieces, kinda like an articulated doll. i think it helps visualize all the moving parts in a 3d space and makes posing and perspective a lot easier. i can also always add the detailed anatomy on top of this basic model like you see on the left. its always important to work from simple -> complex. drawing a pose while being too worried on anatomy will really hinder your drawing process.

to improve doing this it really just takes practice and observation. i could be here all day talking about proportions, and how many heads high a person is, and each specific muscle group, but i reccomend you go and watch videos and study professional artists on your own. as someone who has been drawing and studying these things for so long, i barely think about how many heads high a person is when im drawing a body. its kind of like learning how to play and instrument or driving a car. it becomes second nature eventually, but you have to apply those skills and work through that period of time where youre still trying to program it into your brain.

after you get a hang of the basics you can take this basic model and draw all types of body shapes with it. i say its always important to play around with making your body types diverse. its not only fun to do but helps make all the characters you draw unique and recognizable. (dont be like vivziepop).

dynamic posing can be the hardest thing to master for a lot of people. the best way to learn how to pose is to not think about it too much and just doing it. for example in my figure drawing class we had to sketch out gesture drawings from a picture in 15 seconds. excercises like that help a ton in making you feel more comfortable when drawing from a reference. you should definitely reference a LOT when it comes to poses, it helps build this visual database so that eventually you can get to the point where you can just draw accurate and dynamic poses from memory. after getting to this point eventually you kind of start thinking of your canvas as this tangible 3d space and considering your characters in 3d space helps make the poses feel a lot more realistic and interesting.

ok now a quick little tour into how i draw different faces yaaaayy!!!1!1!1

main thing with my art is that i LOVEEE drawing dynamic face shapes i think its so important to avoid drawing the same slim faces over and over. shape language plays a big role into this. like for example the face on the middle is more square, the one on the left is more oval and the one on the right is more circle. shape language helps communicate so much about your character without even saying a word about them and just helps differentiate people from a glance.

facial features also play a huge role into making your faces different. these are all drawn from the same exact face shape but look like entirely different characters by adding variety in the features. different noses, eye shapes, lips, etc. can make such a huge difference

i think before any of that its important to learn the anatomy of the face though. again im not gonna go into how many eyes wide a face it or how far the nose is from the mouth but like its always important to learn the fundamentals before stylizing stuff. again the face is a 3d space and if you dont consider your face a 3d plane the features will kind of just look like theyre floating on your characters face like soup...theres a lot of great resources and tutorials online take advantage of those!!! and reference from artists you like too it helps a ton.

and then you mix that all together and Boom you have cool and interesting faces. you will best that same face syndrome in no time if you take my advice Trust...

anyways yeah thats the soda design philosophy hit that like button if you liked it or douse me with tomatoes and kick me off the stage if you think i give bad advice ill leave the decision up to you

[pasta-in-the-pudding]

Hey! Sorry to bug you, but I was wondering what your headcanons would be for the creepypastas with a s/o who has twitches / tics. I personally have fatigue and anxiety twitches [head tilts, snapping, shaking my arms, etc] and I jave a few friends who have tourettes and other tic disorders!

Don't worry you aren't bugging me! I love to answer your asks and requests <3

Thank you so much for requesting!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Creeps with an s/o who twitches/tics!

Toby

He suffers from tourette's syndrom (amongst other things) so he understands a lot of the struggle

The frustration that comes with it, the annoyance it causes, etc

He is there to help you through it all

Your tics also help him understand you better (wether you are platonic or romantic!)

For example, he knows that if you begin to tilt your head, you are tired

He'll rub your back and pull a blanket around your shoulders, shushing and whispering you to sleep

I like to imagine you would help him with his tics too!

An example would be, when he is in a bad mood he tends to have more vocal tics

His most common are grunts, whistles and clicks

If you see this occuring, he likely just wants someone to sit with him and talk things out

It makes him feel appreciated and listened to

Also, depending on what mood you are both in, and how close you are, you may set off each other's tics/stims

Which can be both a blessing and a curse

Eyeless Jack

He does not have any tic related disorders, but with his extensive knowledge of almost all medical fields, he does understand you

But it's not like he'd make a big deal out of it

Whether or not you wanna talk to him about it, that's your buisness

If you do choose to tell him, he would feel a very strong sense of trust between you and him and he wouldn't take such a thing lightly

He won't talk to others concerning your health, and he won't pry on you either

And as time passes, he begins to notice patterns

Such as when you get anxious, you begin to snap your fingers and crack your knuckles

If you want his help, he will of course do everything he can

From offering things such as brain excercises to offering physical things such as fidget toys, he is here for you

And even if you don't want anything, if you just want him to talk to you and listen to you, he is more than happy to do that as well

If you are comfortable with it, and if you enjoy it, he will make your sounds back to you

For example, if you whistle, he will whistle back

Silly to silly communication

Tim

He enjoys your twitches, and finds them cute in a way

If you shake your arms, he will smile to himself

Of course, only if it is a happy tic and not stimming from things such as being overwhelmed, anxiety, etc

He has the least amount of knowledge about tic disorders out of the others on this list

So basically, all he knows is what you tell him

If you suddenly pick up a new tic, he will become confused and ask you, "is this a new tic thing or are you just doing things"

He's trying his hardest <//3

He may not know a lot, but if you ever need him for anything, he will provide

Need a shoulder to cry on? Got it.

Need to vent about the frustrations of your tics? He's here to listen.

Wanna just fill him in on your disorder in general? He's taking notes.

He loves you, and he wants to know everything about you

Because he loves all of you, and even if your disorder can be frustrating at times, it is apart of you and if it has anything to do with you, he is bound to adore it

[gimmethatagustd]

Hello!

I've read a lot of fics in which a member of the bts makes the oc feel good about their body after pregnancy, praises their body and stuff,

I was wondering if you could make a jungkook fic (or any other member if you want) where he's a writer and so can't put in time for excercise, he's lost his abs, his arms and thighs have gotten lose, and he feels like the reader doesn't like him anymore because when they got together back in college, he had all that

He's just worried that he's not pretty anymore, and then the reader makes sure he realizes just how pretty he is in her eyes, that he doesn't need a crazy sculpted body for her to love him, he could have a beer belly for all she cares and she'd still love him just as much

Your fics are AWESOME and I've really wanted to request this one for a while, so I hope you like the idea!

THAT'S MY BABY | JJK

All you want to do is make sure that your boyfriend feels good about himself, no matter how life changes.

» pairing: jungkook x reader

» genre: BTS | 18+ (i guess?? idk i’m bad at judging these things) | established relationship | fluff

» wc/date: 1.4k | August 2022

» warnings: body image insecurities | they shower together, but it’s not sexual 

» notes: this request is so cute and unique 🥺 thank you so much for sending this in. i'm sorry it took me a while to get to it, but i hope you enjoy 💖 and thank you to my beta reader @here4btsfics who has a lovely fic about a similiar topic here - pls go and read it, too!

» masterlist | ao3 | send me ur thots 👅

» what was jai listening to? i.f.l.y. - bazzi // nothing feels better - pink sweat$

You were accustomed to waking up to the soft indentation of where your boyfriend’s body had laid in bed beside you. You spread your fingers out, smoothing over the wrinkled sheets and pressing your palm into the remaining warmth from his body. Normally it was the smell of coffee and the click clack of fingertips against a keyboard that coaxed you awake on a sleepy Sunday morning. Jungkook didn’t like waking you up. He tiptoed around the apartment, fuzzy socks sliding along the wooden floors and catching on the occasional rug, thoughts lost in the imaginary worlds he created inside his head.

You were in awe of his mind, never quite privy to everything that went on inside it, though you assumed you wouldn’t fully understand anyway. Creativity was, admittedly, not your strong suit. At least, not in the way it was for Jungkook. His ability to shape fragments of ideas and put them down in beautiful prose was enviable. It came to no one’s surprise that his short story collections were a hit from the very beginning. From anyone else’s eyes, Jungkook was right where he needed to be. 

For him, it wasn’t so simple.

With sleep blurring your eyes, you tripped over something on your way to your dresser. Looking down, your toes brushed up against the digital scale you normally kept tucked away in the bathroom. With a frown, you picked it up and headed towards the bathroom. 

Seeing Jungkook studying himself in the bathroom mirror wasn’t an unusual sight. He was always evaluating something, be it the way his bangs framed his forehead or how his veins popped when he flexed his biceps. Lately, though, these self-evaluations felt more frequent and harsher than usual. 

“Baby, why did you have this out?” You knew the answer already. 

Jungkook met your eyes in the mirror and your heart ached at the dark circles beneath his eyes. He shrugged, eyes cast downward. He played with a stray hair tie sitting on the bathroom counter and kept his back towards you. 

“I don’t feel good.” 

And you knew he didn’t mean that he was sick. 

Putting the scale away, you snuck your arms around his waist and hugged his back against your chest. You tried to ignore the way he tensed in your arms or how your initial touch made him flinch. 

“I think we should take a hot shower and get some coffee in us. How does that sound?” 

Your boyfriend grumbled, but he’d never learned how to say no to you, no matter how shitty he felt. Lucky for him, you only used your power for good. 

“Thank you,” you spoke softly as you lifted your t-shirt over your head. It was one of Jungkook’s, far too large for you and worn down to the point you should have probably gotten rid of it by now. But it was one of his old college shirts and the nostalgia made you hold on for a bit longer. Your underwear was next to go, quickly slipped off and following your shirt into the hamper. You felt your stomach flutter when you caught Jungkook watching you undress. Shooting him a small smile, you busied yourself with turning on the shower and getting the temperature the way he liked it. 

“Better hurry up or you’ll be stuck with cold water,” you teased as you stepped in. The heat made your skin tingle, raising goosebumps across your arms and the hairs on your skin. 

Jungkook followed you soon after, keeping his eyes cast downward as you grabbed his biceps to switch places with him, allowing him the opportunity to stand beneath the water. 

 You grabbed his shampoo, squirting some into your palm. Jungkook leaned out of the water just enough to open his eyes and cock his eyebrow at you. 

“That one’s mine.” 

“I know,” you said with a small smile. “Come here.” 

Jungkook frowned, but you beckoned him fervently. Once he stood before you, you gestured for him to turn away from you and lean back a bit.

“Why?” he protested and obliged anyway. 

Rather than answer his question, you gently dug your fingers into his scalp, manipulating his beautiful hair as you massaged the shampoo into it. Jungkook let out a small gasp and attempted to turn, but you held his head firmly in solace. 

“Relax, baby.” You spoke softly. “Let me take care of you.” 

“You don’t have to. I’m too tall…” Jungkook mumbled, but you only hushed him. 

You dug your nails into his scalp just enough to make his skin tingle, dragging your fingers through his hair. You focused on applying more massaging pressure near his temples and the back of his head. Jungkook carried his stress there, often getting piercing headaches that hung around for days. Once you felt you’d worked shampoo through every strand, you instructed your boyfriend to rinse it out. 

He was so beautiful with water slipping down his chest and soft tummy, following wet paths to his hips and tumbling past his thighs. He was a bit paler than usual, but that was expected when he worked tirelessly on a new book, spending little time outside. But your favorite part of him to look at was his face. You loved the little dented scar on his check and the tiny freckles delicately placed around his face. You loved his bambi eyes that now stared at you in confusion, his perfect pink lips parted in an open-mouth pout. 

“Why are you looking at me like that?” His cheeks flushed pink and you weren’t sure if it was due to the hot water or embarrassment. 

Probably a mix of both. 

“You’re beautiful, that’s why,” you said with a shrug of your shoulders and your eyes crinkled in a smile. “Conditioner now.” 

Jungkook’s eyes found the floor again, and he reluctantly turned again. “You don’t have to lie.” 

You didn’t mean to grip his hair so hard he let out a small whimper, but his comment made your stomach twist. “I’m not lying. Why would I be lying?” 

A shrug. A small huff of annoyance. 

“I’m different now.” 

You tugged on his hair again. Softer this time, but enough to get his attention. “We’re meant to change. That’s what being human is all about. What does staying the same do for us?” 

He twisted around to dip his head into the stream of water, hands running through his hair. While he was preoccupied, you reached for your washcloth and bodywash. 

“You know I love you always, right? I don’t care what you look like.” You rubbed soap suds across Jungkook’s shoulders. “But I do love the way you look. I love your strong shoulders that hold me up at concerts when I can’t see.” A trail of soap suds weaved along his torso. “I love cuddling up with your chest when we sleep. And I love giving your tummy kisses.” You looped back up to wash his hips and sides. “I love your entire body for keeping you safe, for keeping you healthy. For keeping you alive so I can love you with my whole body and soul. 

Jungkook leaned into every one of your touches, his body soft and pliable beneath you. It wasn’t possible for you to tell that he was crying; he managed to keep a straight face and the water washed away his tears. The only indication was the way his shoulder shuddered when he pulled you into a hug. Your bodies pressed flush against each other, your skin slippery from the remaining soap on his skin. You looped your arms around each other’s waists and you let Jungkook smother his face into your neck while he shook in your arms. 

“It’s so hard.” His words were muffled against your skin. 

“I wish you could see yourself the way I do, baby.” You rubbed circles into his lower back and pressed your fingers to massage his muscles. “You’re incredible. Forget looks for a second, okay? You are so intelligent, and creative, and different in the best way. And you’re kind and thoughtful. The sweetest soul.” 

Jungkook’s grip on you tightened and his shaking subsided. 

“You bring all that out of me,” he said softly, pulling away to face you eye to eye for the first time that morning. 

“So listen to me.” You pressed a gentle kiss to his chest. “Believe me.” 

Jungkook nodded with a hint of a smile dancing across his face. It would take time; you both knew that. You both also knew that you had each other, no matter the changes or time passed. 

all rights reserved © gimmethatagustd on tumblr & ao3

do not copy, repost, modify, or translate any of my work

[loth-creatures]

Knowing how much Ahsoka struggled to be Sabine's master --- would she get advice from Kanan when she visits Lothal? Most likely giant wolf to giant wolf??

Wellll see I kinda ditched the entire Jedi!Sabine narrative. Listen if they HAD to go that direction, I believe they could have done it well but they really did not (to put it generously), and while I've considered trying to do it better myself, at the end of the day I wish they just hadn't done that at all.

Tldr: Ahsoka and Kanan probably will have a giant wolf to giant wolf conversation but idk if it'll be about looking out for Sabine or searching for Ezra or what

So this is my tentative and unrefined interpretation of Ahsoka and Sabine's relationship for SWW Ahsoka, aka roughly how I imagined it would be like before that damn show ever came out (sorry in advance this spiraled all over the place. I meant to elaborate a little bit and then I couldn't stop. I tried to keep it concise but. There's a lot to unpack that I didn't expect to have to unpack in order to get to the point lol)

First and foremost Sabine isn't fucking Force-sensitive. Ahsoka teaches her a lot about the Jedi, and continues her lightsaber training, and I think Jedi teachings and excercises can have a lot of value to ordinary people! But she's not trying to be a Jedi. Ahsoka does feel mentorly instincts towards Sabine, partly bc she knows what she's going through as a very young veteren and genocide survivor. Partly bc she does feel the need to pass her knowledge on to someone. Partly bc deep down Ahsoka is pretty damn lonely too, and Sabine is very family-shaped. And also because wolfwalkers stick together.

They call her Ahsoka's 'practice padawan' as a joke. Huyang is like. You really ought to find a Padawan one of these days. And Ahsoka's like. Why would I need a Padawan I have Sabine. And Huyang is like. Listen I'm very happy to have Sabine with us but you ought to get a real Padawan.

But how could Ahsoka ever take on a student while she's still wrangling with whether or not she wants to be a Jedi? Which, they never actually show her making a decision on that. Or rather there's really no transition between "I am no Jedi" and whatever she's got going on in the show which. Long story short, I hated it. Ass writing. In my personal opinion.

I think I’m just gonna lean into the idea that she feels like she can't truly be a Jedi whether she wants to or not bc she was trained to be a soldier instead, combined with the fear of Anakin's darkness manifesting in herself, distrust of his training, etc. Up until the point where she decides to put Anakin behind her for good and trust in her own experiences, during her WBW adventure (which goes way differently in my head but I will elaborate on that later. Maybe.) But for the purposes of this au, she doesn't even commit to being a Jedi again until dying for the 3rd(?) time and honestly maybe she still doesn't. Maybe it takes all the way to wet puppy Shin dropping in her lap that she sees her path as a Jedi path. Idk.

Ahsoka's arc is not an aspect of the story I expected to address in depth myself so idk how much I'm gonna get into it within the comic itself. It's hard to go over every issue bc lothwolfwalkers is just an anthology series adapting small chunks of the timeline that I find work well with the wolfwalking, and I'm trying not to make more work for myself than I have to, bc I already have plenty. Rewrite is maybe a strong word, when I'm just cherry picking what I liked from the ahsoka show and adjusting what I didn't like in a way that keeps the overall plot intact for simplicity sake. I will eventually write an official detailed ahsoka-from-my-head post, but the comics will just be little scenes based on that.

Anyway,

Regarding Sabine and Ahsoka's falling out. It doesn’t happen. In fact I think Ahsoka will take Sabine under her wing after the fall of Mandalore and they just immediately start looking for Ezra in the unknown regions, bc Sabine is like hey I have nothing left here can we go look for my brother now. They don't find anything. Eventually Ahsoka gets wrapped up in other business and Sabine ends up back on Lothal depressed as fuck (despite Kanan, Hera, and Zeb's best efforts to be there for her, infinitely more than what is depicted in the show) until Ahsoka finds the map and shows up for round 2. Or smth like that.

Side note: I am going to declare the Wrens MIA not dead. Because I hate hate hate that they were unceremoniously killed off screen and wasted the way they were. I guess I could just unkill them completely but well I am a sucker for that angst and something about the devastation of that reveal seared it so deep in my head that I can't imagine the story without it now (thanks for that Dave. Fuck you Dave.) So uh, they're trapped on Mandalore with those other survivors from Mando S3. After Sabine's already left for Peridea they manage to finally get off Mandalore due to S3 events and track down Hera and are like WHERE IS SABINE. Cue Clan Wren Ghost Crew team up to get their fucking kids back. Though everyone will probably make it back on their own before they figure out a way to hop galaxies.

[herofics]

I donated blood for the first time at school. I didn't follow the instructions though. I didn't eat and I was doing just some small excercises, so I ended up having to get wheelchaired out of the next classroom. I felt fine at first doing my math work. I started to feel nauseated and eventualy like I wanted to throw up, I started sweating profusely and felt like I couldnt move or talk I just felt so miserable. Everything around me, sound wise, started blurring like my ears popped slowly, my vision started fading too. . How would Dadzawa, Bakugou, and Midoria react to their s/o /seeing their s/I begin to have a reaction like that in class. I'm fine now I think, they made me eat lunch and take it easy

I know I've got an older request from you too, and I have started on it, but this was an easier one to write since I decided to do HCs for this

~Midoriya Izuku~

•MIdoriya notices you starting to get a bit weak when the two of you are coming back from donating blood, but you assure him you’re okay

•You make it to class, but you don’t seem any better, even worse than before actually

•You sit down to talk for a bit before the class starts, but you’re starting to feel like you can’t make out what he’s saying and your vision is getting blurry too

•Midoriya notices the way you’re looking at him, like  you can’t really even see him

•He asks if you’re okay, but you don’t answer and there are beads of sweat running down the sides of your face

•He puts his hand on your shoulder and you really look like you’re about to pass out, so he picks you up and starts hurrying you to Recovery Girl so she can check you out

•He’s pretty panicky, because he doesn’t know what’s wrong with you and you just seemed to suddenly get like this

•Recovery Girl of course realizes right away what’s wrong and ask Midoriya if you ate anything after donating blood earlier

•His eyes get wide as he realizes he didn’t see you eat anything and you were just doing some exercises

•He of course informs the elderly lady about this and she tells him it’s an easy fix

•RIght after she uses her quirk on you, you seem to come back to earth and feel better

•You’re told to go grab a snack from the cafeteria and Midoriya accompanies you because you still look like you might fall down

•He hugs you and tells you he’s relieved you’re feeling better

•You thank him for worrying about you and give him a kiss on the cheek

•Like he usually does, he gets quite flustered and wraps his arms around his head, a habit he never quite seems to shake

~Aizawa Shouta~

•Aizawa noticed you starting to seem a bit nauseated, so he asked if you were feeling okay

•You almost fell from your chair because you were feeling so lightheaded and sick

•He was aware you had been donating blood before coming to class with a couple of your classmates

•No one else seemed as bad as you though, a bit tired maybe, but Aizawa asked right away if you had skipped the snack they offer after donating blood

•You can’t really answer at this point because you’re feeling so weird and pretty bad, so Aizawa just tells Mina and Aoyama to take you to the nurses office

•You basically get wheelchaired out of there, because you can’t walk and get taken to Recovery Girl

•She uses her quirk on you, but she still tells you to take it easy and to eat something

•You can walk back to class even though Mina and Aoyama look like they’re ready to catch you if you happened to stumble

•You get back to class, but Aizawa lets the class go to lunch a bit earlier, as long as they come to the next class a bit earlier too

•You’re just happy you get to go eat and thank him for letting the class go to lunch a bit earlier

•Aizawa just sort of sighs and mutters something about “these damn problem children not taking care of themselves” though that’s more of a general statement than just about you

~Bakugou Katsuki~

•Bakugou notices pretty quickly that you’re not feeling all that good, but he doesn’t know why, because he didn’t know you had given blood

•“What the fuck is going on with you? You look like you’re about to pass out” he rumbled

•And you really felt like you were going to pass out, because you felt so nauseated and weak and you just muttered something at him that he couldn’t make out

•Bakugou’s just like “Okay, we’re going to the fuckin nurse’s office” and grabs your hand, starting to lead you out of the classroom, but your legs give out and he has to catch you

•Bakugou yells “Oi, shitty hair, tell the teach I’m going to take (Name) to the nurse’s office” and starts carrying you to there

•You’re trying to tell him you can walk, but he’s stubborn as usual and just doesn’t give a damn, because you’re clearly not feeling good

•When you get out of the nurses office, Bakugou is pushing you in a wheelchair, because you’re still feeling kinda weak

•Recovery Girl gave you a nutrition bar and told you to eat it so you would feel better

•You try to tell Bakugou you’re fine and you try to get up, but he grabs your shoulder and pushes you back down to the chair

•He tells you to basically sit your ass down and let him help you

•You sigh and roll your eyes but start munching on you nutrition bar, while he pushes you towards the classroom

•Bakugou places a kiss on the top of your head and just pushes you along, while muttering something about you needing to take better care of yourself

[francis-writes]

Modern!Ramsay Bolton x transmasc!reader

Because I have a lot of feelings about him and my transition, especially that I spend a lot of time recently in forcemasc community and literally every second post uses a dog metaphor, and uhhh... comparing helping a man in transition to training a dog makes me think about Ramsay even more.

okay, so i write this post for modern!Ramsay because there are more possibilities for trans people today and there is more knowledge about them but to be honest? I think Ramsay would be accepting and supportive of trans partner, no matter the century. He is rather an open-minded person, and he certainly doesn't care about society opinion. He just looks for a good time so if he enjoys being with you, being trans won't change anything. He may even be more interested in you or admire you for going against bigots and world's expectations.

I think it's clear but he's gonna deal with any transphobes that bother you. In modern times, his actions have more consequences, so he won't torture them but it's likely that he will beat them (maybe stab a bit), especially if you're out at night or at more secluded place. Or, you know, you can always find them later.

also, he doesn't just passively observe your transition (and also he isn't one of these guys who "support you" but only when you still look feminine or when you are pre-t. fuck them. Ramsay isn't afraid to date a man. I will tell more, he is excited, if he could, he would sew a dick onto you himself. Okay, maybe I went too far but you get the point), he actively helps you in it. He shaves your head, takes you to the gym and even if he doesn't work out with you, he loves to watch as you excercise, admire as you lift weights, breathing heavily and covered in sweat (also it turns him on). He licks off your sweat and desires your hairy ass.

if you have problems with money, he will eagerly support you financially, though the level of the support depends on his own situation. If we assume the version where he gets money from his father - who is a bussinessman or a politician - there is really no limits. If he doesn't get family money, he still wants to support you (binder, packer, doctor, hormones - it all costs too fucking much) so he will try to get more money, though rather in not very legal nor moral way.

if you're on t, he's eager to do your injections, and this time you can trust him with a needle. He isn't especially well-educated, but he has some knowledge about human anatomy (from where? that's a good question) and has no problem with finding the right spot and inserting the needle the first time.

also, when you finally get facial hair, he will buy you a razor set and teach you how to shave, holding your hand as you gently drags the blade over your skin. having him controlling the sharp blade and pressing it to your throat is both stressing and exciting. but you trust him.

i know it's not a case for everyone but i know that many trans people feel the pressure to turn into a skinny twink; anyway, as somebody wrote, hrt weight gain is an angel and Ramsay makes sure that you eat enough. and that you don't worry about gaining weight after testosterone cravings. He wants you to be strong, healthy and happy. Also book Ramsay is chubby as well and tbh it kinda made me feel better about my body bc he reminds me what kind of wild lust i feel whenever i see a soft tummy

i'll continue this one day, i just wanna do every forcemasc post with him, i am sorry but i can't focus on coherent thoughts. Testosterone and Ramsay make me so excited i can pass out

[fipindustries]

i probably shouldnt generalize or take this too far but animation really is just one of the most rewarding things to do. not just because by the end of it you will have, you know, an animation (which you will! im sorry, i know im leaving the sentence hanging but seriously, lets really pause and appreciate this. a moving drawing! a drawing that moves! it might as well be alive! it might as well be real! and YOU created it! wowzers!!!) BUT ALSO-

its just reawrding on a moment to moment execution. you get to draw the most fun thing of all to draw, people moving, emoting, body language. AND, if you are inbetweening right and you know what you are doing, you get this visceral satisfaction of drawing something in just the right place. every step is you completing a pattern with the most satisfying conclusion. i really enjoy inbetweening. i love calculating in my minds eye the exact middle point between two poses and drawing it, like i can almost visualize it. i see the empty spot between two keyframes and is like "here, right here, right on this spot, if you put the drawing good in this right precise spot you will hear the most satisfying click in your mind" and it always clicks!

think of this! a lot of times i hear from artists that they love art because of the end product that it gives you but that the process itself its a grueling effort that one must push through to get their reward of the finished piece. but (at least in my case) the journey is very much the reward itself, a lot of times i will spend hours animating something and the end product will suck but ill be perfectly satisfied because i enjoyed myself doing it.

also if you are really good and you really know what you are doing you can do so much with so little. forget about animating on ones, we are not disney here. you can animate on threes, on fours, fuck it animate on fives if you really want to. you can just do five drawings and get the coolest, cutest, neatest, most satisfying little loop to entertain your heart and soul.

animation really brings out an appreciation for the small pleasures of life and when i say small i really do mean the tiniest. the smallest, most mundane of gestures suddenly become signature moves. suddenly give so much charm and character and personality. just by the way you make someone do a simple double take or even simply blink suddenly you can give someone so much sheer charisma.

but you can go even smaller than that! more inconsequential! you develop a taste for tiny little occurences, small happenstances that would be completly invisible to normal people otherwise. the way hair flicks when someone turns their head, the way a drop slides down a surface, the way a car bounces and sinks a little when people get into it or out of it. if you can succesfully capture those things it will ground your work so much. the tiniest most indetectable of details suddenly turns curves and lines into an object with weight and corporeality.

much like music, animation is one of those arts where even the most simple, most basic of excercises, just pure, boring, highly technical executions made simply for the purpose of learning the bare bones of a technique, will still come out looking great and you will feel great for having done it. with music you can doodle something incredibly coarse, maybe you just want to learn some basic chords, you are practicing arpeggios or you are just fucking around with scales and it will still come out as music, it wont come out as rough sketches or purely skeletical, empty building blocks. it will come as a piece of music that is pleasant to hear.

same with animation, you can just be trying to rotate a character to figure out their design or have a bag of flour fall to the ground, or you are trying to figure out their walking cycle. there is no story or punchline or idea being conveyed here, is just a basic "getting the handle of your tools" excercise and yet it will still be an animation, a beautiful piece of art that is cool to look at regardless of what its doing.

and if its true that an image conveys more than a thousand words then nothing can beat the sheer density of information contained in moving images. in just three seconds of action i can lay out so many complex, hard to put into words, ideas, so many vague and ambiguous emotions can be clearly comunicated.

and god, the expresivity of it all. we are social creatures, huge portions of our brain are designed to parse language, both verbal and in terms of gestures and expressions. animation is a direct superstimulus for those sections of the brain, you can make your characters so much more expressive that a human could be, and they can be expressive in such perfect, choreographed, synthetized, crystalized, bold ways. isnt that amazing? that we can give the caloric rich, sugar refined version of body language to our brain?

i have been doing animations since i was 7. i started with a mouse, ms paint and power point. you can tell i must have really loved doing it that i was willing to put up with that just to get it done. i started because i was a child who loved cartoons, who loved animated shows and animation. it was mindblowing that such a thing even existed in the first place. it was literally magic. to see any random animated show like powerpuff girls or dexter's lab or hey arnold. it was a proof that wonders existed in this world. the magic was real.

now that i am 30 i can do that, i can make those things too! is not even that hard! i can make magic!

magic is real!

[commeunpapillion]

Tipps for changing your life

These are some habits and tipps that have made my life so much better. They don’t need much time and are rather easy. Remeber that they are only tipps and you can decide for yourself what you want to do. You don’t have to change your whole life at once. Even small steps can make a big difference and doing one thing better is better than doing nothing :)

These first ones are tipps for those of you who feel like they spend a lot of time on their phone/tablet/laptop:

Screentime

- Time limits: I have a limit of two hours for non-work screentime (social media etc.). Most people have way too much screentime and not only is it bad for your health (related to obesity, eye strain, back pain etc.) but it also means you don’t live in the here and now. Instead of screentime I try to use my time in a more fulfilling way.

- App limits: Certain apps just tend to make me feel bad (for example Twitter since there is a ton of unnecessary drama there) so I limit them to five minutes a day or try to avoid them completley. FOMO is real, but trust me it’s not worth sacrificing your mental health for.

- Blue Light: since I’m working in front of a screen all day I always make sure to wear my blue light glasses. They filter out some of the blue light form screens. Blue light disrupts sleeping schedules and can cause additional eye strain. Also have a look at your screen settings. Oftentimes there is an option for lowering blue light.

Considering that we all have to do desk work it is important to make sure your lifestyle doesn’t become to sedentary. Sedentary lifestyles are shown to lead to higher levels of depression, obesity, heart problems and muscle pain. So let’s avoid that with a few simple ideas:

Movement

- Regular Excercise: find a sport that you really like and do it regularily. Sports classes or exercise groups are really helpful because they give you a set time for your activity and seeing people you like gives you extra motivation. For me finding a Step Aerobic group at university has been a great help because it’s so much fun that I often forget it’s even exercise.

- Moving Breaks: When studying or working regular breaks help with your concentration. Try doing a short break every half hour and a longer break every three hours. Of course you can adjust this to what works best for you. During these breaks try to get some movement in. I like doing some Pilates exercises of stretches or I go for a short walk. Which reenergizes me and makes it easier to keep studying.

- Stop Sitting: Sure, sitting down while working is what most people do but too much sitting just isn’t good for you. So try alternating between working sitting down and working while standing up. It’s ideal if you have a table where you can change the height, but switching between your desk and the windowsill for example also works. When sitting make sure to change your position at least every 15 minutes. This is called “dynamic sitting” and it helps with muscle pain and spinal issues.

- Start Biking: If it’s possible get yourself a bike and strat biking to your destinations. Not only do you get fresh air but the movement is also a great break for your brain to reset and relax from whatever you were doing before. Biking to school/work in the morning also helps with waking up and being less tired for the rest of the day.

Now all of this helped me quite a bit already but the point that probably helped me the most is taking care of myself mentally. Some of these are things my therapist told me, others I worked out for myself.

Mental Health

- Journal: in the evening write down what you did that day, how it made you feel and what you liked best about that day. Also write down what you want to do tomorrow and what you learnt today. This way your head will not be full of thoughts anymore and you’ll be able to sleep better.

- No Bad Words: don’t use bad words when thinking about yourself, others and your life. If you think a thought that is depreciating or mean try to take a step back and look at how you could see that differently. Thinking “oh, I’m late again, I’m so stupid, everybody is going to hate me” doesn’t help with your situation. it will just make you sad and scared and angry at yourself. Instead try thinking “oh, I’m late again, that is unfortunate, how can I make sure I’m on time next time? I’m sure the others will understand if I apologise and explain why I’m late.”

- Clean and Decorate Your Room: this is kind of random but it helped me feel a lot more comfortable and productive. Just tidy your room everyday and clean it once a week. This way it doesn’t take long and you’re always in a nice space which will lift your mood. Put pretty things in your room that make you feel happy when looking at them (for example pictures or a cute lamp)

- You don’t “have to”: If you think about a task that you have to do there is a high chance that thinking of it as an obligation will make you feel less motivated. Try to think of it as “i get to do this” or “i want to do this” and look foward to what you might enjoy about it. For example: “I really want to read those texts for my paper, I’m sure there will be some interesting new aspects and it will improve my paper so that I can be proud of my work”

- Keep Contact: reach out to people you like. We often forget about these things when we are busy and that is how most kinds of relationships grow apart. If you aren’t sure whether it is ok to reach out often, just do it. People are usually happy to hear from you. Don’t take it personally if they need some time to respond, they’re often just busy. regular contact is how we keep our friendships and relationships intact. Reach out, meet up, text, talk on the phone... It will make both of you feel better and keep you from getting isolated. Also if that is a positive thing to you maybe try and talk to your family more. It’s something we tend to take for granted but as a matter of fact we never know when they might not be around anymore.

That’s all for today. These were just some tipps. If you have more, let me know. I hope these were helpful for you and I wish you all the best. Take care, I love you!

[semper-legens]

174. The General, by Robert Muchamore

Owned: No, library Page count: 329 My summary: James Adams is in a lull. After returning from a mission to find that his girlfriend is cheating on him, he gladly accepts a lowkey mission to a training compound in America, to take part in a war game meant to test the US military in their responses to an insurgency. But the CHERUB crew has some tricks up their sleeves. in particular the actions of their anti-American commander. Will the CHERUBS beat the military at their own game? My rating: 3.5/5 My commentary:

Now, this was the CHERUB book I was least looking forward to. For some reason, I remember it quite well from when I was younger; perhaps because this was one my brother owned outright, rather than us having to borrow it from the library? Whatever the case, I remember not liking it when I was younger, but I actually found that my opinion of this one was a lot better than I remember it in retrospect, so that's something. What's less thrilling is the fact that, like with much of CHERUB, I still don't rate it all that highly. I know I keep saying this, but it feels more disappointing than anything - like I can see a potential to this concept and these characters that the books just don't really realise. They're not awful or anything, but they're still not the most compelling, and make for some shallow reading at times. It's disappointing, but I kind of understand why. Anyway. Onto this book specifically!

The main plot of this book is to do with a training exercise being held by the US military. The CHERUBs have been recruited to go undercover as civilians and work on the 'red team', the group simulating terrorist insurgents in the training. While the lack of any actual danger or threat might in theory lead to less tension, I found this side of the story pretty engaging. The main conflict is that Kazakov, the de-facto leader of the red team, doesn't want to play by the US military rulebook, largely because in a real war someone in his position would use whatever tactics necessary in order to win. Up to and including poisoning the American water supply with laxatives. The red team effectively win on day two, causing the US military to scrub the mission and start over with stricter rules. This is actually quite effective satire of the US military, particularly because this sort of thing actually happened - a red team in a 2002 exercise called the Millennium Challenge 2002 gained the upper hand quickly and the excercise was suspended and restarted in favour of the blue team, a situation criticised as rigging the game and invalidating the whole premise of the exercise in order to falsely show that the US military cannot be defeated. The Americans are portrayed as being bull-headed and stubborn to a fault, and while Kazakov isn't exactly the nicest guy, he's given a lot more sympathy and the audience is expected to agree with him, particularly as the CHERUBs all do. It's an interesting idea to explore in a genre such as this.

There's a subplot here about James learning about card counting in blackjack and learning how to do it - since the first book, James has been set up as a maths genius with a natural aptitude for numbers. This comes into play at the end when Kazakov, having been removed from the training exercise along with James, spends some time in a few casinos around Vegas and use the CHERUB equipment to enable James to watch Kazakov's blackjack games, count cards, and direct him from afar. All of which is, of course, horribly illegal. Because of the surveillance equipment, not the card counting - that's legal, but casinos obviously don't like you doing it. James has a token moral quandary about it initially, then wholeheartedly joins in, which ends up backfiring when they're almost caught. I get why this aspect of the book turned me off when I was a kid. At least when James and CHERUB do dodgy things on actual missions, they're at least somewhat justified as being for the greater good or being to take down someone actively trying to cause harm. Here, though? They're just taking large amounts of money for their own benefits. It feels selfish, and although the stakes of them being found are real this time, it's hampered by the fact that I feel entirely unsympathetic to James. Like, yeah, this is what happens when you use spy equipment in a Vegas casino, my guy. You're gonna get caught. Idiot.

And then there's the whole 'James' love life' subplot, which is just going from bad to worse. James' girlfriend Dana has been cheating on him, so he dumps her. But…James constantly cheats on his girlfriends, and that's been a running gag for the whole series. Dana cheats on him with one guy, and it's treated as morally reprehensible. There's a bit of a double-standard going on here, is what I'm saying. James constantly objectifies women, cheats on his girlfriends, leers at other girls even when his girlfriends are around, and he gets a free pass, but Dana cheats with one guy and she's the Devil. Aside from that, though, James' love life just isn't interesting. Every time it comes up, it's so jarring - like we've taken time out of our busy spy movie to check in on Hollyoaks, that kind of thing. It doesn't fit the tone of the book, and just takes up valuable page time that could have been spent on much-needed character development. Not who's shagging who.

Next up, witches and witch-hunters in rural Cornwall.

[a-s-levynn]

Pssssst I'm sending you the hugest hug. Some tea and a blanket? Have you had anything to eat today? Some fresh air? I hope everything turns better soon.☀️

You are far too kind. 🫶🏻 And i just ordered food before writing the answer, because i indeed forgot to eat. So thank you for asking. I was going to make something, but then the whole hdd thing came and it just broke my mood in half. The fresh air is covered, 'cause i had to go to work today, but it was raining all day so at least that part is great.

The under the cut part is more like a personal thinking wordvomiting, so feel free to skip it entirely.

But i'm hijacking your ask for a quick moment of thought organization.

I hate my brain chemistry so much like.. I was so ready for finally doing a lot of stuff, i even started on it but then this thing comes and i'm just here, staring at the wall for hours now, occasionally doomscrolling for 2 minutes with a reblog and then going back to staring at the wall again.

I'm probably gonna be fine by tomorrow after catching some sleep. I usually bounce back fast. It's just.. the past few months were.. a rollercoaster in every direction and every time i start to feel like my mental waves are start to smooth a bit, something happens. And apperently it doesn't have to be big things, it takes only a broken hdd to kill my productivity completely.

I'm not trying to complain here by the way, it's more like.. doing a mental higiene thought excercise? Something along those lines. I'm trying to figure out why i my brain just shuts down when something happens instead of properly processing it but considering the year i had, i'm probably mentally exhausted at this point. If which is true, at least i know what is going on in my head. And in a way it's comforting, because at least i know i'm not going completely insane yet. 😂

[writingwithinwriting]

How to Learn not to be Writing.

I haven’t had much to say recently when it comes to writing. I haven’t been writing at all. Or, I have been trying not to write. I have the time to be qriting now that my manuscript is all tidied up and ready to submit, and I have plenty of ideas which I have been jotting down. But I am trying not to write.

I’ve had a few people comment on the fact that, as writers go, I’m a hard worker. Fellow poets have told me they have seen my output during Napowrimo in the past and wondered how I managed it. Others have asked how I manage to come to a new poetry night with a selection of new material every time. 

This is a wild thing to hear when you have had it pummelled into you through school reports and parent’s evening visits that Pascal would be so successful if only they put in more effort... I still remember being a short little kid and looking into these kindly ladies faces who would look down at me with all the expectation in the world. Which, in turn, was very jarring to hear when I was struggling to do basic things like tell the time, tie my shoes, climb stairs and bathe myself.

As a kid, I felt exhausted all the time. Not in the same way I do now, I felt emotionally exhausted. I was drained by the constant bullying at school, I was getting heart palpitations and stomach cramps from the anxiety of constant testing from middle school to senior school and through to a-levels. 

I started to have panic attacks in my teens that would soon last hours and hours. My phobia was spiralling into obsession and terror. I attempted on my life twice. And I was convinced this was normal. Therefore, I had to carry on at the same speed everyone else was managing to keep up.

I am paying for that now. ME/CFS has forced me to stop taking everything at a break neck pace. And yet writing is the one thing I haven’t slowed down on. I do write a lot. Its not all good, you don’t see it all and certainly quantity isn’t quality, but at least I have that on my side.

I don’t have any impostor syndrome. I believe I’m a good writer, I’m not exceptional, but I have two things on my side which I think have given the illusion that I am somehow always writing all the time. I write to relax and I do not care how good or bad my writing is when I am at it.

These are both, in fact, big fat lies. And I have known this in the back of my heads for years. 

I do care very much how well I write and that’s why I write so often. It feels like the memory of all those beaming teachers praising me for the one thing I exceeded at is engrained in my brain. If I stop writing, I stop having purpose, I stop being useful.

Writing is often something I do to keep myself awake. This isn’t a problem most people have; most people do not need to find activities that balance needing tiny amounst of physical energy with high mental stimulation. If I don’t have both, I go slightly berserk. If my fatigue is too high, I struggle to form basic sentences and look after myself. If I get too bored, I get anxious, I get angry, I get depressed. It is a tight rope walk where I have to keep running or else I will fall into a bottomless pit.

That is a not a healthy way to go about any kind of work. Especially when I have a life outside of writing. I have a family I need to look after during a difficult period and a body that needs feeding, washing and excercising. 

I have poured everything in the last year into my manuscript. Because my ‘everything’ is so small and insignficant next to the forty hour work weeks I see my family and friends a part of, it didn’t feel meaningful. Right after Good Listeners was published, I gave myself a month or two of a break and began shaping the manuscript I have just finished.

I had spent the previous two years shaping Good Listeners. And the previous five years grinding through the most challenging and transformative part of my life. I remember working so hard on my dissertation in the final days, when I went to hand it in, the staff in charge of the printers insisted I sit down and get some water because I looked so pale. 

Someone thought I was high. I felt high. I felt so adrift, I was walking around like a zombie. Someone said I was speaking in whispers. I showed up to the hand in with flowers in my hair because I was so giddy from lack of sleep. I had so little sleep my eyes would start darting around if I relaxed, I would fall asleep on the floor folding towels or unconciously try to sit down in the shower and sleep.

Afterwards I moved back into my parents house and began working until my fatigue slowed me to a crawl. And all I could do to be useful was cook, clean and write whenever I could.

Before that was a-levels. Before that was school. I do not remember a time in my life when I have not been chasing a deadline or creating my own to feel a sense of purpose. I don’t think I can do this any more. 

Not because I don’t want to continually get better and better and better, I adore writing. It is a beautiful thing to find the way you can make yourself whole in this world. I write down every strange dream, weird film idea, every game I want to make one day.

I am writing this down to make it real. To make sure I know the only way I know how to accept what is better for me. I said I would try and finish two manuscripts this year, I finished one and now I am fighting to get up each morning to take my medication. I think it is best if I just step away from deadlines altogether until the new year. 

This is what we call in the writer world a really shitty situation. I hate this, I hate knowing I need to do this. I know every time I have taken a break from performing or publishing I have been left behind by opportunities and valuable experiences. But if I keep I trying to out run my exhaustion, I won’t grow, exceed or expand on what I can do.

This means that some projects are going to go into hibernation, like the nonfiction manuscript and most likely Hundreds & Thousands podcast. I have to re-learn that writing isn’t all typing and scribbling as you’re chained to a desk as people peer over you waiting for shakespeare to happen. I have books to read, workshops to attend, writers to talk to and so much more.

I recently read a Vietnamese epic called the Song of Kieu. Its stunning, heart wrending and world rearranging. And it did very little to further my own writing. But now I have that book in my world. It has grown my purpose to love and perservere and listen to the demon on the road.

I might be posting more on this blog, to get things out of my brain. Or I might not. I will be cooking, cleaning and helping my family. I’ll be taking naps and medication. I will still be here.