#like dey really from two different world

[kayime]

[sweetbans29]

Feud - CC

Pairing: Caitlin Clark x Reader

Summary: You and Caitlin navigate a long-standing basketball feud (based on THIS, THIS, and THIS request)

Warnings: mentions of injury, slight angst, happy ending

Word Count: 4.4k

Sweetbans Masterlist

AN: I am saying this now, I do not think I will be doing a part 2 for this. Not anywhere in the near future at least.

If someone were to tell you by your senior year of high school you would have a rivalry going on between you and some girl from Iowa, you would call them crazy.

You grew up in Southern California - attending Mater Dei High School and playing ball year-round. You were looked at as one of the most promising college recruits alongside girls like Paige Bueckers and Caitlin Clark. As exciting as it is to be named alongside these girls - it also came with its challenges.

The media caught wind that you were talking to Iowa. Talking initially all about how Iowa was going to be a powerhouse of a team having both you and Caitlin. When you announced that you committed to South Carolina - that is when they immediately pitted the two of you against each other.

It was all funny to you since you had never met the girl. You were encouraged to not look into what the media was saying but there were times that just wasn't possible. You saw how they compared the two of you - never showing the full truth. Even in the facts, they would only take bits and pieces of it and try to show the world how one was better than the other.

When you got to college - it only got worse. You remember your first game against Iowa. It had been all the media could talk about - seeing you go up against Clark for the first time. You saw headlines that went from saying how you didn't want to live in Caitlin's shadow or how you couldn't keep up with Caitlin's growth. Other headlines talked about how she hated you so much that she made you choose a different state to go to school. All of it was a load of bull in your opinion.

At your first game against the Hawkeyes, you were more nervous about all the talk surrounding you and Caitlin than the game itself. You couldn't get the last headline out of your head - 'Caitlin Clark to run circles around SC's freshman'.

"Hey, don't let any of what they are saying get to you," one of your teammates Aliyah says breaking you from the trance you were in.

"Ya, no. I'm good," you say coming back to reality. Aliyah just nods, giving your shoulder a squeeze.

The team goes and plays an incredible game. You were up at the half and were ready to take the second half which is exactly what you did. It was probably your best game yet and you couldn't be more proud.

At the end of the game, someone comes into your locker room and asks you to step outside. You follow before heading to the pressor to find Caitlin standing in an empty hall.

You are surprised and nervous all of a sudden but make your way over to the girl.

"Hi," you say not really sure what to say.

"Hi," she says back. As if just as nervous as you, she awkwardly extends her hand, "I'm Caitlin." You shake her hand and introduce yourself. She continues.

"I wanted to meet you in person in a controlled environment," she says with a little laugh eluding to hiding your first meeting from the media.

"Ya, they have been sort of insane," you say with a laugh of your own. "You had a really solid game today - I can see why so many people love you." You look at the girl standing before you and see her begin to fidget.

"Me?" She says on the verge of shock. " You dominated that court today - I was having a hard time keeping up with you. If anyone had a solid game it was you." She says.

"Well, thank you CC." You say with a smile. "That means a lot coming from you."

"Of course..." She says.

"I am really glad you came here," you begin. "If I'm honest - the media has been a lot recently and I know you are nothing like they are making you out to be. I don't know how you have felt about it but I truly appreciate this gesture. We don't need to be the best of friends, but we don't need to be strangers."

"I like that, although I will never stop trying to beat you on the floor." She says.

"Oh, I expect nothing less. Now knowing you are a sweetheart, I have no problem keeping up this 'feud' the media is creating - it's what the people want." You say playful giving her a little push.

"Oh that won't be hard considering the second we step onto the court my only goal is to bury you into the ground," Caitlin says with a smile. "I am sure we can keep this up and give them what they want with ease. Just know, it is all love off the court."

The two of you exchanged numbers and went on your way. Over the course of the next few years, both of your paths crossed several times. At games, award events, and random camps. Every time the two of you were in the same building the media would eat it up - always posting photos of the two of you giving each other death stares (which never really happened, they just timed it perfectly to make it seem like that or take snippets completely out of context). Since you first met her, the media hasn't taken such a big toll on you. It also helped that she would text you whenever something overly threatening or mean came out. It had you falling for the girl every time - deciding to push the feelings aside, thinking it was just her being sweet.

It was your junior year when things heated up in the media even more than they had in the past. Going into March Madness, all they could talk about was you against Caitlin so much that it brought back all the drama that started when you were going into college. Through it all Caitlin had reached out and reminded you none of it was real. It was very sweet of her.

Your two teams were facing off in the final four and you could not be more prepared.

The game was a close one the entire time - neither team had more of a 5-point lead at any time. It all came down to the final quarter.

Tied going into it - both teams fought to go to the championship game. Two minutes into the quarter things took a turn for the worst.

You were guarding Caitlin - staying vigilant on defense, ensuring she didn't get a good shot. When she went up on a jumper you hit her arm while trying to block the ball drawing the foul. You cursed at yourself for allowing her to go to the free-point line.

She makes the first one with ease and sets back to the line for a second. Everyone anticipates it going in but the second she releases, you can see how her eyes shift as she begins to make her wait for the ball. You cut in front of her, jumping up going for the rebound as she does the same. You get your hand on the ball trying to hold onto it as you make your way down to the ground.

What you weren't expecting was to be shifted so much that when you came down you landed directly on your knee, causing you to let out a murderous scream. Your hands immediately let go of the ball and make their way to the center of the pain - your knee.

The stadium silences immediately - leaving only your cries as you curl up into a ball.

Caitlin - being the closest one to you is hunched over you with her hands on your shoulder while your teammates run to get medical.

"You're okay, you're okay." She keeps muttering as she really doesn't know what to do to comfort you. She knows she is the one who knocked you off balance in the air but never imagined this to happen.

"They are coming," she says trying to restore hope in you.

The medical team comes up and instantly knows they need to get you out of there immediately. They call for a stretcher which comes within seconds of them asking for it. Your eyes are glued shut as you bite the top of your jersey to avoid letting out any more screams.

The pain has blocked out anything and everything happening around you. You can't even remember how it happened, all you know is the centralized pain.

Caitlin watches as they remove you from the floor. She has never been this distressed when it has come to someone leaving the floor due to injury - not even girls from her own team. Cait makes the mistake of looking up at one of the monitors as they replay what happened and tears begin to form on the brim of her eyes as she clearly sees she is the cause of your injury. The media is going to have a field day with this but even more so - all she could think about was how she could ever begin apologizing to you.

Kate makes her way over to the shaking girl and pulls her into a hug.

"That wasn't your fault," she says in her ear. "Don't carry this."

Kate had been the only person on the team who knew the friendship that had been growing into more than Caitlin knew how to put into words. Kate could also see, Cait was very much at fault for what happened but knows how much Caitlin keeps in her head and shouldn't shoulder this right now.

Once you are taken through the tunnel - everyone does the best they can to regroup from the traumatic scene that had just taken place.

Your team was trying to regroup as they had to make adjustments on the court after losing their star player, also just trying to remain composed after seeing and hearing you go down. Kate was trying to get Caitlin to calm down and get her head back in the game. The crowd at this point remained silent until play resumed.

Your team lost to Iowa by 4 and no one could blame them. It was a hard loss but everyone was more concerned what the outcome of your injury would be over the ending of March Madness.

Once you were taken back, they decided it would be best to take you to the ER to get checked out. Shortly after arriving, they determined it was a transverse patella fracture which meant your patella broke into two and it would require surgery to fix if you ever wanted to play again. It was a no-brainer.

The next few days were a whirlwind for you - they kept you in the hospital as they prepped for the surgery and you started recovery after.

Your team came to visit and took turns rotating so you wouldn't be alone. Your manager thought it would be best to stay off of social media which you didn't argue with one bit. The last thing you needed was someone saying how your career was over. You went so far as to get a secondary phone and phone number just to communicate with the team and your family.

Once you were let go from the hospital to recover at home, you finally got your phone back and it was filled with messages. You scanned through them stopping at the one that caught your attention the most.

Phone in hand, you stared at the dozens of missed calls and messages from Caitlin. You clicked into her messages and began to read about how sorry she was and how she wanted you to let her know when you were home. You fought with yourself to listen to all of the voicemails she had left and settled on listening to the last.

You click on it and bring your phone up to your ear.

"Hi," she sounds completely defeated. "I know I have left you countless voicemails but I just really want to see how you are doing. This was never meant to happen - I...I don't know what was supposed to happen but it was not this." You hear the shakey breath that she takes before continuing. "I don't want to keep bugging you if you don't want to talk to me. If I were you, I wouldn't even be listening to this and would have just deleted it but I know you are better than I am and just pray that this gets to you. That this gets to you before any of the media gets to you or spins the story into something it's not. Not that you owe me anything, but I ask that you don't listen to any of it. Don't do that to yourself because none of it is true. It is all lies that they have spun to their own narrative." She is crying now but does the best she can to cover it up. "This was never supposed to happen, I am so sorry." She struggles out and hangs up.

You imagined the first handful of messages were similar to this one and decided not to listen to them. It wasn't out of anger or resentment but you knew that in order for you to move on you couldn't hang on that moment.

The next few months consisted of recovery. You were determined to come back for your senior year and were going to come back stronger and more prepared than you have ever been. When the season started - you were back to training but weren't jumping back into games until the third week into the season.

Your manager did a really good job of keeping you out of the media - per your request leading up to the season. The first time you were brought back into the light was during your team's first game of the season. You were on the bench - coaching and encouraging your team. It wasn't the first time the media had seen you but the first time they got to talk to you. There were preseason training videos that were released that showed you back in practice but always highlighted other players on your team.

During this first game though, you were going to be mic'd up for a midgame interview.

"We are so excited to have you on the air as your team kicks off the season, can you give us insight on how recovery went for you?"

They were really just jumping in. You let out a little laugh and proceeded to answer the question.

"I am excited to be back - recovery was not easy and challenged me in more ways than I expected it would but I can honestly say it has grown me in more ways than playing would have." You say as your eyes are glued to the game happening in front of you. "That a way Tessa! Get back get back!" You yell to your team.

"We got word that you will be back on the court in a few weeks, are you excited to be playing for your senior year?" Was asked next.

"Of course. I have been itching to get back on the court - YES PAOPAO! AND ONE! - sorry, yes I am ready to get back out there and help my team on the court. We have a single mission and are ready to conquer." You say.

"Does that one mission have anything to do with Caitlin Clark?" One of the anchors asks, curiosity getting the best of them.

You take a second to compose your answer.

"I wish nothing but the best for the girl. She has really elevated the game and visibility of women's sports in general. If our paths cross again, which I can see happening - there are no ill intentions." You say and then give your exit, going back to the game.

Caitlin was watching and couldn't stop replaying the video. You never responded to any of her messages - even the ones that came further along in your recovery. You had cut her off knowing it was what you needed. She couldn't blame you but really wanted to pick up where the two of you left off - during your time of not talking she realized how much she wanted you in her life. You were one of the only people she met with the same mentality as she had and could share in the craziness that the media spat out. You brought out the best in her without even being in the building.

Cait watched you for what felt like the hundredth time and really hoped that your paths would cross this season.

Both of your teams went the whole season without playing the other. This only built the tension for the NCAA tournament. You had jumped seamlessly back in with your team and contributed to their undefeated season. Caitlin and the Hawkeyes fought hard coming back for redemption. As the tournament heightened and both of your teams kept winning - the media kept circulating articles about the faceoff everyone has been waiting a year to see, Caitlin and you on the court again.

Right before the Final Four - videos of your injury circulated again and pitted Caitlin as the villain in this completely made-up narrative. When hearing them - it took everything in you to not reach out to her. Everyone was telling you not to talk to anyone about Caitlin. Your manager also strongly advised you to not make any contact considering everything was under a microscope.

You did really well until you saw that Iowa was playing UConn in the final four. You had been friends with Paige for years now and knew they were ready to take on Iowa but something in your heart was rooting for Caitlin.

The morning of the Iowa v. UConn game you did it. You pulled out your phone and sent a quick message. It was a simple text but carried more weight than just the words present - it was the first contact you had initiated since before your injury.

Caitlin was still in her apartment when she got the message. She was straightening her hair with cameras on her for a documentary coming out on ESPN. She puts her straightener down and picks up her phone, trying not to show the message's effect on her knowing she was being recorded. Looking at the phone for longer than needed her eyes were glued to it.

[Other half: You got this.]

She doesn't know how to respond but she wants to. As she is thinking through how, her phone rings. It's Kate. She answers and quickly makes her way out of her apartment knowing she is picking up Kate before heading to the stadium.

Caitlin didn't mention the text she had gotten - not that she could mention anything with the camera crew still present but her mind was going crazy.

The Hawkeyes went in and took UConn by two points, sending them back to the championship and facing off SC in the championship. The face-off every sports fan has been waiting for.

The celebration was grand but Caitlin's mind kept wandering back to how she was going to respond to you.

When she was finally able to make it back to the locker room, she sat and responded to you.

[CC: Can we meet up after we play?]

Caitlin sent it and sort of regretted asking but she wanted to talk to you face to face. You responded faster than she had expected.

[Other Half: Yes]

The championship game comes faster than everyone anticipated. Both teams preparing for one final game. Up to this point - you alongside a Kamilla had committed to the draft. From Iowa - Caitlin had made her statement saying she was going to the draft. Both of you know this last game is a significant one. It would be the last of your college career.

The game is a crazy one - buckets exchanged with the leads fluctuating between your team and hers. At final buzzard it was your team that came out on top.

The celebration was epic as you saw Caitlin and her team make their way to their locker. Pictures were taken and confetti was thrown. When things begin to die down you see Caitlin emerge from the tunnel looking for something. You have an idea that she is looking for you and are proven right when she spots you, nervously making your way to you.

When she approaches you - the two of you nod to one another saying little good jobs. The amount of cameras surrounding you is insane as they get the content of you two together.

You want to put this college feud behind you as you both head into the W so in one swift movement, you remove your jersey. Caitlin takes the hint and does the same leaving you both in your undershirts.

You pass your jersey to her and she does the same with you. You both hold them up and let the media get all the photos they want of the two of you. Once you are done, you pull her in for a hug.

"Meet me in the coach's room," you whisper in her ear. She nods and the two of you part.

You finish the celebration and interviews and head back to grab your stuff. Before heading out, you make your way to meet Caitlin.

When you get there you see a girl sitting in a chair, looking down at her hands as she picks at her nails. She doesn't hear you enter but looks up when you close the door. She immediately stands and makes her way to you not really knowing what to say.

You look at her and pull her into a hug. You never said it but you missed her more than anything.

"I am so sorry," she says, her words muffled as they are spoken into your neck.

"Stop apologizing." You tell the girl in your arms.

"It was all my fault - I was mad and didn't realize my strength when I went up. You were out because of me and I will never forgive myself for that," she says not wanting to let you go.

"Caitlin lighted up on yourself." You say and pull away to look her in the eyes. "If I am honest, I blamed you at first. I was upset and frustrated and blamed you. But as time went on, I realized I only had myself to blame. You were playing the game - I would have done the same exact thing. As I was recovering - I started to be thankful for what had happened because it forced me to grow up. No one likes to be injured but I wouldn't be who I am today if I didn't have that time."

Caitlin nods along to everything you say. You bring your fingers to wipe away the tears that fall.

"If anything I should be the one apologizing," you say and Caitlin shakes her head from side to side.

"No, you have nothing to apologize for."

"I do, I cut you out and I shouldn't have. I am sorry." You say. "Friends?" You ask sticking your hand out in a joking manner.

She takes your hand and shakes it. "Friends." She confirms.

The next week is a whirlwind as the two of you part ways to get ready for the draft. You two talk at least once a day trying to figure out what the next chapter of your lives could possibly look like.

When the night finally comes, it is more than you can imagine. Seeing so many congregate to highlight the sport and get ready for another great season while welcoming the new rookies is something you will never forget.

Caitlin is picked first - heading to the Indiana Fever. You could not be more excited for her. You were mentally prepared to head to the Phoenix Mercury or the New York Liberty.

It comes as a complete shock when you are picked by the Indiana Fever as well. You head up to the stage and go through your initial interview.

As you make your way back - you barely get to the hall before you see someone running up to you. Before you know it, Caitlin is in your arms. Her body is flush against yours as her arms wrap around you, squeezing you with everything she has. You lift her off the ground and squeeze her right back.

You could care less about who is watching - the only thing running through your mind is that you are about to spend the next four years with the girl in your arms.

When you place her on the ground she doesn't let you go but rather buries her face into your neck. You smile and let her hug you for as long as she wants.

It's in this moment that things begin to stir inside you. Your heart swells and you feel whole. Your hand comes up to hold the girl's head. There is no way the two of you are just friends and this moment solidifies that for you.

Weeks pass after the draft and you are getting situated in Indiana. You and Caitlin decided to find an apartment together.

The night of the draft the two of you found your way back to each other after going your separate ways to celebrate. That is when Caitlin admitted to having feelings for you dating back to your sophomore year of college. You sat there in complete awe of the girl and admitted that you had just recently realized your feelings for her but could probably date it to your recovery. From then on the two of you decided to take it slow - knowing how the media has been towards the two of you up to this point.

That sort of flew out the window when she asked you to find an apartment together when you both moved to Indy. And you were sure as hell glad she did.

After four years of the media pitting the two of you against each other, you were finally able to change the narrative. You were no longer rivals but now the new power team ready to take on the W.

AN: Tried to get a little of everything in here, I hope you enjoyed it! And as always, thank you for your love and support 🤍

[prozach27]

The idea that voting for Harris and Walz means you don’t care about Gaza is such an uneducated position that it can just about only be justified as a psy-op. What exactly is it that you think voting is for? If it’s to show where your idealistic morality lies - what you would really LOVE for America to look like with a president - then of course it makes sense to not want to vote someone who isn’t as critical as you’d like of the Palestinian Genocide. But that’s not the world we live in. As American citizens, we are IMMENSELY privileged, and we cannot possibly understand the horrors and tribulations Palestinians have endured over the last year. The idea that Trump and Harris are “equally bad” for Palestine is a position of immense privilege that doesn’t value Gazan lives. Trump has told Israel to finish the war. Harris is calling for a temporary ceasefire. From a purely logical perspective, one party is promoting a position that could save Palestinian lives while the other is asking for an escalation of events. If you can’t see the difference between these two positions - the real-world, life-altering difference between these two positions for people in a war-zone - then it’s time to ask yourself if you’re morally grandstanding by demanding nothing less than a complete end to the war, or if you’re more concerned in saving even one additional life.

There is no 3rd-party presidential candidate with enough name recognition to make it in this election. If you want a third party, by all means, support them after the election and help them get a foothold. That doesn’t change that they’re not a viable option for 2024. So, do you choose Trump - who wants to escalate the war - or Harris, who wants to help it calm down? These positions are fundamentally different and will lead to changes in the number of Palestinians who survive. Leaving the Palestinian genocide aside, Trump and project 2025 have made it clear how they want to limit abortion access, higher education, transgender rights, gay rights, and DEI efforts while the Harris White House wouldn’t be trying to actively dismantle these things. These are, once again, clear cut issues that will alter how many people survive under each presidency.

If your position is that “unless they give exactly what I want, they don’t deserve to be in office,” then it’s clear you’re not willing or interested in making the actually hard choices in politics and your activism is performative. You aren’t voting for who’s a good person or who you like most - you’re voting for the enemy you want in office. Do the right thing. Vote for Harris and give people a chance to save more lives.

[babyhatesreality]

The Book was Better

Daddy!Stucky x little f!reader

Warnings: SFW Agere (SSC), f! reader, reader is named but name used sparingly, pet names/nicknames, fear of disappointment, a little language, fluff (I mean really do you expect anything less from me? :D)

PLEASE NOTE- THIS STORY IS AGERE AND SFW, THE REST OF MY BLOG IS NOT NECESSARILY SO. YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR OWN MEDIA CONSUMPTION. DO NOT COPY, PLAGIARIZE, OR TRANSLATE ANY OF MY WORKS ONTO ANY SITE. Likes, comments, and reblogs deeply appreciated! 

A/N- for @asittwas, who just gave me the loveliest compliment and reblog. Thank you darling!! To all of you- sorry to be gone so long. Life hopefully is going to ease up for a while.

"Alright puppy, you ready?" Steve said, grinning as he finished tying your shoes.

"YES!" you screamed with joy, flinging yourself forward into his arms. He laughed and tossed you in the air, before bringing you into his chest and nuzzling your cheek lovingly. "Can we please go now pleeeeease?"

"Yup, it's go time! Let's get Daddy and head out."

You wriggled with excitement. You all were going to the zoo today! The day was finally here! They'd been hyping you up for a while over it- not that you needed the help getting excited- and you were nearly exploding for joy, hence Papa carrying you to find Daddy. If he put you down, you were likely to run roughly 9000 laps around the apartment just on adrenaline alone. And while chasing you was a good workout for the both of them, Steve and Bucky had agreed to keep your energy reserved for the zoo.

"What animals are you most excited to see today, little one?" Steve asked, bouncing you playfully as you made your way together to the bedroom. They had asked you the same question every day for the past two weeks, and you had a different answer every time.

You tapped your fingers against your lips, thinking. "Ummmm..." you mumbled as you thought hard. "Da tigers, and da sheep, and...and..." Steve pinched his lips together in amusement at this new combo and waited for you to finish your thought, "....and the DRAGONS!"

Well. That was an entirely new one.

Steve carefully cleared his throat, wanting to get ahead of this now. "Baby," he said gently, slowing down his pace a bit. You frowned and looked down at his feet, speaking before he could gather his thoughts and patting him hard on the shoulder.

"Papa, go faster!"

"Baby, listen-"

"Go faster to Daddy!! Now!!!"

"Hey," Steve said sternly, stopping immediately. You bit your lip, looking contrite. "Are you allowed to talk to me that way?"

"I sorry," you said, abashed. "I excited."

Steve smiled gently and gave you a kiss on the temple in forgiveness as he resumed his journey. "I know you're excited. But I need you to listen right now and be a good girl. Understood?"

"Okay, Papa!"

"Good girl. So...so there will be lots of fun animals at the zoo today, and we'll see them all, okay?"

"Okay!"

"But there might not be all the animals you want. Sometimes that happens."

"But dat's where dey live. In da ZOO. Dey gonna be dere."

"I know, honey," he said patiently, praying that this didn't go off the rails. They had been reading the Hobbit to you, and you had become obsessed with the characters, especially Smaug. He was the ultimate villain in all your playacting recently. Steve and Bucky tried so hard not to destroy your make believe world, but he also didn't want you to get crushed when you didn't see anything close to the dragon in your mind today. "We'll see all the animals that live at the zoo. But some animals don't live at the zoo."

"I know! Dey live all over the world and den some live at the zoo."

"Right. So the zoo doesn't have all the animals in the world. But that doesn't mean that we're not going to have lots of fun, right?"

"Right!"

"Right. So if an animal isn't there, then that's okay, right? Because we're still gonna have fun."

"Yup!"

"Okay, then!" Steve said, knowing he had laid the ground work to help you if you mentioned "dragons" again, and feeling pretty good about it. You two walked into the bedroom just as Bucky was pulling on a baseball cap. You squealed in delight, leaning forward out of Steve's arms towards Bucky. He spun around and effortlessly caught you, giving you a huge kiss on the cheek.

"Alright, Trouble, you ready?" he asked as Steve retrieved his own ballcap. "You ready to see all the animals?"

"Yeah! We gonna see DRAGONS!"

Steve's nervous gaze swung to Bucky's face. Bucky was looking at you impassively, clearly in thought. He turned and smiled gently, and Steve's heart stopped racing for a moment. Surely Bucky would help and say the right thing to you.

"Well, you never know at the zoo," Bucky said with a shrug and a grin. You cheered loudly. He chuckled at the look of astonished betrayal on his husband's face as you all headed out the door.

*******************************************************

It became clear to the both of them that the idea of dragons had taken hold of your little mind and was not letting up. The entire way there, you chatted animatedly about how when you saw the dragon, Papa and Daddy could pretend to be the knights and the kings and the elves and the hobbits from Daddy's book and save you- the beautiful princess- from certain death and then you- who also apparently wielded a convenient bow and arrow- would save all the animals in the zoo and become the Princess of New York City.

When you all went through the front gates, there was a blessed time when they thought they might be off the hook from this whole dragon thing. All the sights captured and held your attention. You were instantly mesmerized by the beautiful tigers, you laughed at the silly monkeys, you followed the paths of the birds and the peacocks being very careful not to scare them, and your eyes had taken on a wonderous look when you actually got to feed a giraffe. The petting zoo part had been a huge hit. They were almost home free, thinking about lunch as you skipped in between them down the path, holding both their hands.

"Can we see da dragons now?" you asked politely out of the blue, after about three hours of not mentioning it once. Steve shot Bucky a nervous look.

"Well, Baby, remember how I said that some animals don't live in zoos?" Steve said carefully

"Yeah, but-"

"Well, love, dragons don't do well in zoos. And this zoo doesn't have any dragons."

"Yes dey-"

"No, no they don't. But we can go see other animals and keep having fun, right?"

"Go see da dragons!"

"There's no dragons to see here, baby. We could go look at the zebras instead, how would you like that?"

You shook your head, planting your feet, which caused them both to stop. You pointed to a sign on the left, letting go of Bucky's hand.

"See? Da dragons is DERE!" you said triumphantly. "I see da word!!" They turned and looked. The sign that you were impetuously pointing to listed reptiles, tortoises, and...Komodo dragons. "See? Dragons!" You snatched Bucky's hand again, pulling them in that direction. "We gotta go!" you hollered joyfully, yanking your daddies as hard as you could to follow you.

"She must have recognized the word from looking at the book," Steve murmured to Bucky as he let you drag him towards the enclosure. "Do you think she's going to be upset when...when she sees it?"

"Only one way to find out," Bucky said, failing to suppress his grin at your stubbornness and determination, and trotting willingly with you. Steve sighed, exasperated, internally grumbling and swearing to himself that if you had a meltdown it was all going to be Bucky's fault.

Once you all got closer, you excitedly asked Bucky to pick you up in a hushed voice, knowing that dragons could hear intruders into their caves. You wanted a better view for your first time seeing a live dragon.

Steve watched your face very carefully as the three of you approached the large viewing area. He watched as your brow wrinkled in confusion. He heard you whisper to Bucky.

"Where is da treasure?"

Bucky, to his credit, answered quickly, having worked on his game plan all along. "Probably inside," he whispered back. "You know, so the other dragons and zoo people don't steal it. He's got it hidden extra extra good."

"Dat makes sense," you said, nodding wisely. You craned your neck, holding tightly onto Bucky as he tried to hold in a snicker. "How's come we see outsides and not a cave like da book?" was your next question.

"Because we don't want to go into the cave and get burned up, do we?"

"OH! No, don't want dat."

"I didn't think you did."

"But den how's he gonna come out?" You pointed to the opening in the rock. "Is too small."

Bucky was saved by a lizard in that moment. He didn't have a good answer to that one, but luckily the Komodo dragon chose to make his appearance right then. Both Steve and Bucky turned their faces to watch you as your jaw dropped in utter astonishment. The Komodo dragon took his sweet time stepping out of the enclosure, his long tongue flicking the air around him.

"What's he doing?" you asked in an awed voice.

"He's got the scent of something," Bucky whispered back, actually knowing the real answer here. "He senses and tastes something in the air and he's trying to figure out what it is."

"Ohhhhh," you breathed in wonder. Your eyes took in every inch of that Komodo dragon, your little body jolting with surprise or glee anytime the lizard moved. After about three minutes of you being nearly catatonic with joy at finally seeing a dragon, you turned to Bucky again, confusion crossing your face.

"Is bigger in da book," you commented as you tried to figure out why this dragon was so small.

Bucky couldn't help the snort of laughter at that moment, but as your little frown deepened just a bit, he passed it off as a cough then turned very seriously to you. "This must be a baby dragon," he explained in a lofty voice that was clearly supposed to be a stab at a scholarly approach. "A big dragon probably wouldn't agree to live at the zoo."

"But, den where is his daddy dragon? Is he gonna come back?" you asked anxiously.

"Oh yeah, of course," Bucky said without missing a beat. Steve suppressed a smile, knowing that NOW Bucky was mentally sweating bullets. Then, damn it all, Bucky once again dug himself out of the hole. "You know what? This is probably a distraction," Bucky whispered conspiratorially to you.

"Distra...districta...a what?"

"A distraction. The daddy dragon is guarding the real treasure, while the baby dragon makes everyone come look at him because he's so cute and sweet. No one will think to go looking for their treasure because the baby dragon distracts them!"

"Dat is so SMART!" you gasped in agreed. "Smart dragons! Like da books!!"

"Yup, exactly like the books."

You looked back at the Komodo dragon, smiling ear to ear, then turned back to both your daddies.

"Da book was better," you declared happily, then nodded sagely as if the matter was now closed. "Can we go see zebras?"

You all had a delightful rest of the day at the zoo, seeing all the animals, and that night you cheerfully went to bed without a fuss at the promise of a story with your daddies starring as the knights of New York who saved you from the dragon.

And for the rest of your lives, occasionally Steve or Bucky would turn to each other and quietly say "Eh, the book was better," making the each other laugh to the point of joyful tears.

[ordinaryschmuck]

David Zaslav is on the phone as he enters his office.

David: It's nothing personal, it's just business. But don't worry, once another buyer offers eighty million, you'll have your property back. Okay? Okay. Goodbye, Mom. Love you.

He hangs up and notices a package left on his desk.

David: Huh. That's peculiar.

He walks over and sees that it's addressed to him. With a shrug, he opens it up.

*WHACK*!

And gets hits in the face with a springy boxing glove.

***

A burlap sack is ripped off David's head. He looks around and sees he's in a form of a warehouse, with the only light being the shining above him. In the shadows, he hears a crunch of somekind.

???: Eh, *tsk-tsk* What's up, Doc?

Out from the shadows comes Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, Porky Pig, Yosemite Sam, and even Foghorn Leghorn. They do NOT look happy.

David: Who...Who ARE you? WHAT are you?

Sam: OOOOOOOOOOOH!

He pulls out his guns.

Sam: Now I KNOW y'all didn't just say that you--

Bugs waves a hand in front of Sam.

Bugs: It's okay, Sammy Boy. Can't blame da poor, dumb, foolish suckah. (To David) Do ya know who Mickey Mouse is, Doc?

David: Is...that who you are?

Daffy: Doeth he look like a MOUTHE, you buffoon?!

Bugs: Daf. (To David) Mickey's the mascot of Disney, YOUR competitor. Fer bettah or woise, he represents da company. And to dis day is the backbone dat made Disney what it is. As for me and my compatriots, dat's who WE are for Warner Brudders.

David: I-I'm the CEO of Warner Brothers DISCOVERY.

Foghorn: Which is, I say, which is the result of merging with WARNER BROTHERS, ya dumb pig! No offense, Pork.

Porky: N-N-No-No-No offense taken.

Bugs: (To David) Ya see, Doc, we're da Looney Tunes. Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, Porky Pig, Foghorn Leghorn, and Yosemite Sam. Ya see, while Walter was makin' the mouse dat would rule the world wid a goofy cartoon mouse that entertained the kiddies, we's was making some CLASS. Cartoons dat dee adults AND kids could appreciate, wid witty dialogue and cartoonish slapstick. Me and Daf, here? We made bank off a short where we discussed who got shot by Elmer Fudd, where da joke was ALWAYS Daffy getting hit.

Daffy: Took a lot of shotth to make that comedy gold. LIterally.

Bugs: And it worked. Wid a poifect simple premise dat people always remember, wid people going "Wabbit Season, Duck Season" to dis day. Dat's who we are, Doc...And ya messed it all up.

Sam: Ya messed with the WRONG pardners, Davie!

David: H-How? How did I mess with you?!

Bugs: Hey, don't feel too bad. Warner Brudders' have been messing wid us for years, but we always took it on the chin. Dey want us to do TWO basketball movies? Dey want us to get rid of Pepe Le Pew? Why not. He stunk anyway and we wanted him out for years. Dey want our iconic image for an animated sitcom? We did it. 'Cause we're da Looney Tunes. We can sell ANYTHING.

Porky: I-I-I actually l-l-li-lo-li-lo--Really enjoyed the sitcom.

Bugs: Okay, it can be argued dat da sitcom is criminally underrated, but dat's besides the point. What I'm getting at is dat we're willing ta sell anything just as long as we get some of dat green ourselves. But ya made a mistake, Doc. Ya see, you went after one of our own.

He makes a "come here" gesture, and both Wile E. Coyote and the Road Runner come out from the shadows as well, with Road Runner comforting the Coyote.

Bugs: Pepe Le Pew is one thing. We understand that his sense of humor doesn't fit well wid dis day and age. But Wile? Oh brudder, why did ya have to mess wid him?

David: What did I do to him?!

Bugs: Coyote Vs. ACME. Ringin' any bells?

David: That...movie no one wants to buy?

Bugs: A movie ya overselled for a quick buck. A movie dat people worked night and day on. A movie written by James Gunn, yer golden boy who you have fixin' yer DC franchise.

Foghorn: Which is, I say, which is a whole DIFFERENT can a worms.

Bugs, ignoring him: A movie dat stars our very own Wile E. Coyote. A character who's toons and silly antics are timeless and, I'll admit, makes bank better than me. Wit no dialogue, just expressions and goofy signs, him and da Road Runner are characters where the possibility is limited by da power of imagination. And a movie where he sues ACME over their failed gadgets? Well, I'd watch that. Wouldn't you, boys?

The others all murmur in agreement.

David: Well, it might not make a profit--

Bug: Space Jam 2 made TWICE of what yer trying ta sell Wile's movie for. Ya would think that a man desperate to make money would release a film featuring their most iconic brand to get him MORE money. But, no, that's what a GOOD business man would do.

David: Please! I-It wasn't anything personal! I didn't even WATCH the movie!

The Tunes all stare at him.

Bugs: ...Ya didn't WATCH it?

David: N-No?

Bugs: You were willing to sell, shelve, and even DELETE a movie from existence because ya don't think it won't make a profit. Except ya nevah THOUGHT ta watch it yerself and make yer judgment?

David: ...Running a business is REALLY hard--

Bugs: You MAROON. You marooniest maroon that's ever marooned. I can't even comprehend how not only did you get yer job but how ya STILL have a job despite all da STOOPID decisions you've made in--How long has he been in charge?

Porky: A-A-A--Nearly t-two years, boss.

Bugs: TWO YEARS. Ya've been in charge for TWO YEARS and managed to cost da studio so much money that ya could compare it to da GREAT DEPRESSION! If Disney loses dat money, dey can make it back wid anothah Marvel movie or a live action remake of Moana! WE ain't Disney, Doc! We need every dime we get and we're losin' it because a YOU!

David: ...

Bugs: Honestly, we was initially thinkin' a beatin' the snot out a yous and leaking da movie to da public. But now? Woof. NOW I know yer as dumb as an animal. And an animal needs to be treated as an animal.

He pulls out a dog whistle and gives it a blow. Within seconds, a small, brown tornado bursts through a wall in the warehouse and zooms over to the group, stopping its spin to reveal The Tasmanian Devil.

Bugs: Have ya heard of the Tasmanian Devil, David? Who am I kidding, of COURSE ya haven't. Well, let's just say that he'd be happy to meet you.

Taz looks at David, licks his lips, and starts jumping for joy as he heads over to him.

David: No. No! NOOOOOOOOOOOO--

***

David stands before a press conference, clothes torn up and his body bandaged.

David: I am now announcing that I'm stepping down as CEO of Warner Brothers Discovery...And as my last act, I will release Coyote Vs. ACME to the public.

Reporter: And are you going to release Batgirl too?

David: Well, no, that movie's unreleasable--

A batarang lands in front of him.

David: ...Batgirl and Coyote Vs. ACME. Both coming soon...to a theater or streaming service near you.

[waytooinvested]

Forgotten, Not Forgiven - Chapter 22

This and previous chapters are also on AO3

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Twenty minutes of intensive breaking things later, and Lena was back from the brink of full scale nuclear meltdown. Normally the extent of her loss of control would be to throw a glass or two, or slam down her tablet too hard so that the screen cracked, and then stop, redirecting her fury into something colder and more vengeful (something Luthor ). But it was different with Alex in the mix. Her friend encouraged her to keep going, to direct those feelings outwards and vent . It was possible she had even convinced her (once or twice, down in the most distant unused basement room where no one would hear) to let out a few yells as she took the largest wrench from her toolkit to a box of faulty Schlenk flasks, and by the time they were done all 120 of them were ground down into shards no bigger than her thumbnail.

She still felt as tender and raw as if her entire body had been through a sand blaster, but it was enough at least that she was as prepared as she ever would be to hear Kara out.

Kara loves you so much.

Kara has never stopped believing in you.

Kara was in your corner every time.

She could only hope, desperately, foolishly hope , that Alex was right. If she was, Lena wanted to be able to say the same in return.

That she had never doubted Kara.

That however bad things had looked, she always had faith in her.

But it wasn’t true.

She believed that Kara was always striving to do the right thing, even when they disagreed on exactly what that was. She believed that Kara had no actual desire to cause her pain or to humiliate her, even when that was the outcome of her actions . But she didn’t believe – couldn’t believe – that Kara’s faith in her was that unwavering.

How could it be? Lena was a Luthor. No one trusted a Luthor.

Not really.

Please Kara. Please, please prove me wrong.

Then before Lena was quite ready Kara herself was there, opening the door with her usual glad greeting as if everything was normal, and the world hadn’t just cracked in two. At the sight of her Lena was hit with a jarring jolt of dissonance, like an aftershock of the feeling she’d had the first time she’d seen her after learning Supergirl’s true identity: the illogical certainty that such a seismic shift in her own perspective should be reflected by some sort of difference in Kara’s demeanour. But of course it wasn’t. As far as Kara was concerned this was just another day.

Another day of lying to Lena about who she was and how she spent her time…

Allegedly.

Kara reached out for the quick one armed hug that had found its place since the dream session as their compromise between the long embraces of their distant past and the more recent cautious space-keeping, and Lena took a quick step to the side to avoid it, moving round Kara into her apartment without touching her.

She couldn’t touch her. Not right now. Even so much as a brush of fingers and she would shatter into as many pieces as her ruined Schlenk flasks.

Kara stayed with her arm outstretched for a moment, then dropped it back to her side, her happy expression slowly transforming into one of bewilderment and concern.

‘What’s wrong, has something happened? Are you okay?’

Lena shook her head, closing her eyes against Kara’s worry. She sounded so genuine …

So… maybe William had lied about Kara helping him?

Maybe he just meant in a general sense, that he had mentioned part of it to her casually and, innocent of the reason behind it, she had told him something innocuous that he had taken as evidence against Lena.

Maybe she had jumped to conclusions and the falling sky was nothing more than an acorn dropping on her head after all.

The thought gave her enough courage to open her eyes again and meet Kara’s gaze.

Soft. Warm. Worried. Not the slightest trace of guilt or duplicity.

‘William Dey came to see me today.’

‘Oh... I really wish he’d talked to me first.’

Kara shuffled a little awkwardly, looking caught out, and Lena’s fragile hope crumpled like wet tissue paper.

‘You don’t sound very surprised.’

‘Well...’

‘So it’s true? You really have been working with him on this… investigation?’

Say no, say no, say no.

But Kara’s brows knotted, and Lena’s unease roared upwards as the look of guilt that had been missing before crept in behind the concern.

‘He told you about that? I didn’t want to talk to you about it until we had some actual evidence. But… yeah, I have.’

Fuck fuck fuck. It was really real .

Lena had thought she believed that before, that she had been trying to give Kara the benefit of the doubt against her certainty of betrayal, but now it was confirmed she realised that that hadn’t been true at all. She had been afraid that Kara had betrayed her. She hadn’t really believed it. Not until now.

Tears spilled freely down her cheeks, and she didn’t even try to hold them back. There was no point in playing it cool anymore. She couldn’t. It wasn’t possible. Not when it was this. Not when it was Kara.

Again.

Kara stepped forwards as if she was going to try to hug her again, but Lena backed away, hands up to fend her off.

‘How could you do that and not tell me? All this time we’ve been spending together and- Kara, how could you?’

‘I’m sorry! I never meant to hurt you.’

Lena scoffed, a spark of anger kindling in the dry tinder of her pain.

‘You never meant… you lied to me and investigated me for a horrible crime behind my back, how could that possibly not hurt me?’

‘What?! Lena, no! We’re not investigating you. It’s Andrea. William thinks that Andrea had something to do with Supergirl going missing, and I’ve been helping him look into it.’

Wait.

W hat ?

‘That’s what he told you?’

‘It’s true. William must have wanted to talk to you because he knows you know Andrea and wanted background information, but this has always been about her, not you. If he had told me what he was planning I’d have come to you with it myself, but clearly he thought he knew better and went in way too strong if he made you think he was accusing you.’

‘He did accuse me. Outright. He thought that I was behind Supergirl’s apparent disappearance, possibly in collaboration with my brother, and with the help of Andrea to cover it up. That’s the investigation you’ve been helping with.’

The genuinely stricken look on Kara’s face would have been hard to fake, her jaw actually dropping very slightly as she took this in in what seemed to be a horrified daze.

‘But… no. Lena, no. I would never, ever think you would do something like that. Oh God. I am so so sorry, please let me explain what happened.’

She reached out again as if the desire to touch Lena was overwhelming, but caught herself this time without needing to be rebuffed, her hands staying outstretched without making contact, like a physical metaphor for the space the investigation had ripped open between them. Lena stared down at them through the sheen of tears still swimming in her eyes, trying to decide whether she wanted to meet them in the middle or slap them away from her. There was a time, not so long ago, when the answer would have been obvious. She would have cocooned herself in her own pain, turned it to anger and worn it like armour against any explanation Kara might have offered, and would have known herself right to do so. But now… now nothing was obvious, and instead of reaching for Kara or pushing her back, Lena wrapped her arms around her own middle, hanging onto her elbows as if that could keep the fracturing parts of herself together, and nodded.

‘Alright. Explain.’

There was a second’s hesitation, as if Kara too was surprised that she hadn’t had to fight harder to get her hearing. Then she launched in, speaking quickly to get it all out before Lena could change her mind.

‘I started out looking into William himself, like I told you, remember? I thought he was up to something more than he was saying, and it turned out I was right, but it wasn’t something nefarious like I expected. I found this board he was putting together about Andrea, and when I confronted him he admitted that he’d come to Catco to investigate her. He thought she had something to do with Supergirl’s absence and that there was more to the story than her visiting Argo like it said on the news. The whole ambitious jerk thing was an act to keep people away, and he said now I knew he was willing to let me work with him to get to the truth. I agreed because I so desperately wanted to feel like I was doing some good in the world, and this seemed like a way I could be part of something heroic. But he only ever mentioned Andrea. If I’d thought for a second that William had been looking into you, I swear I would have set him straight. I will set him straight, as soon as I see him. Lena, I know you would never do something like this. If there’s one thing in the universe I believe in beyond question, it’s you.’

The last part hit Lena in every vulnerable place that wanted so badly for that to be true, but she set it aside for now to focus as objectively as she could on the story as Kara had presented it.

And… it was plausible.

From the way William had talked about her, it was clear he thought that Kara was either being blackmailed into publishing the stories that Lena wanted told, or else was an unwitting patsy being manipulated by her. In either case it would make sense for him not to tell her the full scope of his investigation, even if he let her in on part of it. He might even have kept her close as a way of finding out more about her own supposed role in all this.

‘Okay… But that still doesn’t explain why you didn’t tell me what you were doing. Did you think you couldn’t trust me with it?’

‘Of course not! It was never about that, I just didn’t want to put you in a difficult position. I know how hard it can be for you to let people in, and how many people have let you down in your life. There wasn’t any hard evidence of any kind of crime, and I didn’t want to make you question your friendship with Andrea if it was all just a wild goose chase. I didn’t want to put you in the position of having to choose between Andrea and me.’

‘But I would have chosen you. If you’d given me the chance, I would have chosen you. Without hesitation.’

Her voice cracked around the admission, and Kara shook her head slowly, anguish written in every line of her expression, hands wringing before her like she was trying to wash the stain of guilt from them.

‘I just wanted to protect you.’

Another tear followed the path left for it by those she had already cried, but Lena brushed it impatiently away this time.

‘I know you did. I believe you. But I hate that your instinct to protect me still defaults to lying to me. Just like before. Kara, I thought we were past that. I thought… I thought you actually trusted me this time.’

‘I DO trust you. It wasn’t- I didn’t-’

Kara stopped, apparently recognising her own knee jerk denial of responsibility was not what was needed here. She bit her lip, and then let her shoulders drop, the defensiveness gone from her posture.

‘You’re right. I messed up badly, and I won’t do it again. I promise, I will be totally honest with you from now on, even when it might hurt. I don’t want to lose you again Lena. I can’t lose you again. Please, please give me another chance to do better.’

Lena swallowed.

She was still working on giving Kara a second chance, could she really now offer a third chance on top of it, with lies compounded by more lies and apparently no lessons learned?

Madness is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.

But listening to that insistent Luthor-legacy instinct would mean walking away from Kara, after everything they had shared. Throwing away all their progress and accepting a life without her in it.

A life without Kara .

She could picture it, easily. She had lived it after all, she knew its shape as intimately as that of her own face in the mirror. If she walked away now she would survive this loss the way she had all the others, and would find a way to keep going. She would have her work to focus on, and it would be easy to let that take over until there was no room for anything in her heart or mind except her determination to make L-Corp the best it could be. It was safe (inevitable assassination attempts not withstanding), predictable, even fulfilling in its way.

And she hated it.

The picture in her head was a sad, flat, grey thing, where no one hurt Lena because she didn’t care enough about anyone to let them. And it didn’t have Kara in it. Her life was better with Kara in it, it just was. It always had been, and it was worth fighting for. Even if she was terrified. Even if her knees were shaking and her stomach was churning and she had no idea how to do- this . She wanted it. For the first time in as long as she could remember, she wanted to choose vulnerability instead of strength.

She met Kara’s eyes and nodded, once.

Kara let out a breath in a woosh, as if she had been holding it ever since she had asked the question.

‘Please can I hug you now?’

Being touched still might shatter her, but Lena was beyond caring, and she nodded again, her head continuing to bob up and down of its own accord until it was stopped by the sudden presence of Kara against her. Kara, wrapping her up in an embrace so tight and all encompassing that it felt as if she was trying to pull Lena right into her, so that they could never be separated again. Kara, with her wonderful familiar coconut-shampoo and sugared-doughnuts smell, who was so strong and yet so gentle, who protected her without taking away her autonomy, who believed in her and made her laugh and wanted her, just as she was. Her Kara…

Tears that weren’t her own were soaking into Lena’s hair, and there was a tremble in the arms that were still trying to press her closer even now there was no more room to press into.

‘I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. I bruised you again, but I swear I didn’t do it on purpose. I would never, ever hurt you on purpose Lena. You’re my person. My Lena. My… everything. If you hurt, I hurt.’

The last vestiges of Lena’s rigid control loosened, and then abruptly unravelled altogether. She clung to Kara fiercely, and allowed herself to cry against the soft wool of her cardigan while Kara stroked her hair and made low, soothing noises.

This wasn’t the gentle, tragically pretty roll of tears down porcelain cheeks like a woman in an artsy French film. Lena cried hard . Ugly, messy, uninhibited tears of the sort that should only ever be indulged in in private, buried under the covers in the middle of the night where they could be left behind by the time morning came. Lena had never allowed herself to cry like this with another person, and seldom even when she was alone. But right now she couldn’t muster up the energy to care about appearances, and couldn’t have stopped even if she did.

Smashing things with Alex had allowed Lena to regain her composure, but crying with Kara did the opposite. It pulled her pain out of her in a torrent. Not just over what had happened with William Dey and the investigation, but all of it. The hurt over Kara’s lie all through the years of their friendship. The guilt and fear and worry when Lex had kidnapped her and locked away her memories and powers. All Lena’s confused, conflicting feelings since then as she had tried to work out who they could be to each other and how to navigate everything between them in the reality they now found themselves in.

She cried for a long time, but Kara didn’t shift away, or try to get her to calm down. She just kept holding Lena, steadfast and steady, and let her feel everything she needed to feel. It was almost as if they had traded places from the night of the disastrous dream journey – as if they were taking turns to hold space for the other to fall to pieces so that they could build something better from the parts.

By the time she finished, Kara’s cardigan was soaked through at the shoulder, and Lena’s head was pounding, her eyes puffy and sore, her nose running, cheeks blotchily flushed.

She must have looked a total mess, but Kara didn’t seem to notice or care. When Lena at last lifted her head from the refuge of Kara’s clavicle it was to find her looking down at her with an expression so achingly tender that for a moment Lena thought she was about to lean in and kiss her, snot and tears and all.

She didn’t, of course. But she did press her forehead very gently to Lena’s, cupping her hot, damp cheek with one comparatively cool hand as if it was her most precious treasure.

‘I am honoured that you trusted me with that. Thank you.’

Lena should have been embarrassed, but Kara sounded so completely earnest that she wasn’t. She felt wrung out by her outpouring, but also relieved, and unburdened, and safe in a way that she was pretty sure didn’t exist anywhere in the world except in these arms.

I love you.

She almost said it.

The words were right there between her lips, and only the presence of Atlantis, still between them like an unwelcome chaperone for all they were standing so close, kept them from coming out.

So instead she whispered into the few inches between their lips:

‘Thank you for being my person. There is no one else I would choose.’

[bad-as-me]

hello what do u think of the Badlands? I know you said Godfrey leading the Tarnished into battle was reminiscent of the Crusades so I was wondering what the Badlands are meant to represent. Personally I keep thinking there are like, poc who don't believe in the Erdtree there because I want representation lmfao but I was wondering what you think.

YES thank you for reminding me! I've been wanting to yap about this for a while.

So for starters, it's very well established that Elden Ring has a lot of meta-commentary on ideas of Chivalric romances - so much so that my university did a lecture on all the ways it pops up in the game last fall funny enough. But also because of this, I think it's super interesting to point out the historical context that created the age of Chivalry, because there is a lot of it in the way that Godfrey and the Tarnished came to be.

If you want the brief of it, there is an extremely good summary of the history behind this in the middle of this historical cooking show! I'll expand on how this ties to Elden Ring under the readmore though.

On Pre-Chivalric Knighthood and the First Crusades

So if you were a Medieval knight in the 10th or 11th century, your entire purpose of existence was quite literally to perpetuate endless battle. This is in part why there were a ton of petty battles and land disputes: idle hands were the Devil's playthings. And when there was enough downtime between those battles, idle knights would keep busy by... harassing local peasants and clerics, essentially.

As that video describes, there were several unsuccessful attempts to reel them in; basically just by trying to put limits on when knights could kill and protecting holy property. The Treuga Dei is one such code. However, when none of these really curbed the violence (because well, how could they enforce against a collective of law enforcers), the Church decided the best solution was to... send them away for a while, to do battle in foreign lands until they got their bloodlust out of their system.

All of this is to say, this historical timeline of warriors losing their purpose as enforcers of the land and being sent off elsewhere to give them a new reason to fight should sound! Pretty familiar!

These knights returned from the first crusades with a new code as well: the codes of Chivalry. What those codes meant was very subjective, but there was a sense that the old guard of knights being nothing but mindless weapons for lords and clerics was being phased out for more noble, "dignified" times. Not unlike how the Tarnished return under the guidance of grace and the Roundtable Hold (oh hey, Chivalric Romance reference!)

Godfrey/Horah Loux/The Badlands

So in the context of Chivalric history, the Badlands would definitely be alluding to the lands in the Middle East that the first Crusaders were sent away to! Per your comment on representation, it would track that there would be a drastic cultural difference between the two places, and would align with the notions of Erdtree faithful being cast out to do battle against "unfaithful" cultures.

But much like real world history, that was likely being done just as much for the Lands Between's own benefit of keeping battle-hungry, directionless Tarnished out of their hair.

Also if you are wanting for in-game evidence, it's also likely that Nepheli Loux was a child born of a relationship during Godfrey's exile, and it's very much possible her mother was a native to the Badlands. That's personally how I read her lineage, anyway. I don't believe Godfrey set out on the Badlands crusade on a "we must get rid of the heathens" dogmatic mindset - more that Pre-Chivalric knight mentality of "I only exist to fight and do battle and win."

LASTLY, because I don't have anywhere else to share this fun fact, I just like to point out that Godfrey's backstory alludes heavily to the real-world Arthurian story of Yvain, Knight of the Lion. Literally a heroic warrior who was sent away from his lady for a Chivalric adventure, only to return with a lion companion to represent his newfound nobility. So yeah, the Chivalric allusions (both in fiction and in real life) are very strong with this man, and the Tarnished by extension!

[greypetrel]

Pan dei Morti

Aka Deads' Bread. (Image source) (recipe I translated - My family moved to Milan but we're originally from Parma, I don't have a family recipe)

They're little soft biscuits that are typical of Milan and the area of Lombardy north of the city (Brianza). You ONLY find them in bakeries there and around All Saints' Day (Ognissanti), when the tradition in Catholic Italy wants that you should go and visit your dead ones in the cemetery, change the flowers, pay your respects. (It's mostly a thing that grannies do, nowadays, but it's a bank holiday and what's not to enjoy about a day home with a seasonal treat) The name comes not because the cakes are meant to be offered to the deads, but because All Saints' Day is from this tradition also called "Giorno dei Morti", Day of the Deads (not to be confounded with Dia de los Muertos in Mexico, they're different celebrations and shouldn't be mixed up!), and it's litterally "the bread you eat around that day".

They're delicious and tasty, and @brother-genitivi expressed interest for the recipe... (and listen, exchanging recipes with people all over the world is something really great about the internet)

Recipe under the cut! Note: I am European and don't do imperial measurements. Forgive me if I keep the metric, I don't trust my conversions since when I found out that British and American cups are different.

INGREDIENTS:

All purpose flour, 250g

Almond cookies (Amaretti), 100g

Caster sugar, 300g

Almonds, 120g (or the same quantity of almond flour)

Raisins, 120g

Dessert wine (sweet wine), 100ml. You can substitute it with apple juice or grape juice, same quantity.

Unflavoured, plain biscuits, 100g

Ladyfingers, 300g

Cocoa powder, 50g

Dried figs, 120g

6 egg whites

Cinnamon, 1 teaspoon

Nutmeg, a pinch (optional)

Baking powder, 10g

I have unfortunately no idea on how to substitute the egg whites in baking if you want to make it vegan, and I've never tried anything to have an educated guess over tutorials online, if anyone have an intel I'll edit the recipe with pleasure! (And I'd be glad to know myself) All the spices can be skipped if you don't like them, and if you like me don't like figs, use your favourite dried fruit, it goes without saying.

PROCEDURE:

Wash and soak your raisins, either in water or in the wine/juice of the recipe.

Grind together the biscuits, ladyfingers and almond cookies until you obtain a fine grind. Move it in a bowl.

Grind the almonds to a fine flour, then add it to the biscuits in the bowl. Do the same with the dried figs.

Add to the bowl the flour, cocoa, cinnamon and a pinch of nutmeg (optional).

Drain the raisins if you soaked them in water, and add them to the bowl. If you soaked them in the wine/juice, add that too.

Add the egg whites, and start mixing everything together by hand or with a wooden spoon until you obtain a compact batter. Move it to a flat surface, floured, and keep working it with your hand until the batter is firm and solid. Form a sausage of it and cut it in thick slices.

The slices should then be modelled and flattened so they're fairly thick (1cm of depth, the recipe says, but you do you) and shaped like longue tongues. They're not really small!

Put them on a baking tray, minding not to place them too close together: they'll rise a little in the baking.

Cook them in a pre-heated oven at 180°C/350°F for around 25 minutes (use a toothpick to check if they're cooked inside). When they're ready, powder them with powdered sugar and let them cool.

The recipe wants you to leave them alone for at least two days, so they'll get soft, but listen. No judgement here, eat them whenever you'd like, life is bitter as it is without restraining yourself not to eat cake for two days.

[yowyowyaoi]

Sasodei Christmas Headcanons

❄️ Deidara insists on a real tree, not artificial, every year. Sasori agrees and takes him out into the woods to chop one down. But once they’re out there Deidara fawns over how “perfect” each tree is and “feels bad” about cutting them down. Day ends with a trip to the store for a nice plastic tree. Sasori would prefer keeping the light and ornament scheme monochromatic, but Deidara prefers a helter-skelter of colors and ornaments and lights and tinsel. Sasori always lets him have his way because of how cute he looks when he’s excited.

❄️ They don’t really buy presents for each other, but they spend a lot of time picking out gifts for the others in the Akatsuki. Their “gift” for each other is planning a nice vacation to take together after the holidays.

❄️ Sasori doesn’t like Christmas decorations going up until December 1st at the earliest. Deidara starts sneaking things out of storage the day after Halloween.

❄️ Deidara starts a “tradition” where from Dec 1 to Dec 25 he and Sasori watch one Christmas movie a night. During this time they’re not allowed to check their phones or work on their hobbies or do anything at all other than spend time together. At first Sasori didn’t like this but he eventually grew into it when he saw how excited Dei would get each night when it was time for the movie to start. 

❄️ Sasori makes absolutely delicious Christmas cookies. He gets many special requests from other people to bake them for parties and get-togethers. He can’t eat but he remembers baking with his mother during the holiday season, and he has Dei there to taste-test all of his creations. His specialty are gingerbread men dressed up/made to look almost like carbon-copies of the person he’s making them for.

❄️ Sasori’s favorite thing in the world is to sit in a room that’s totally dark except for the lights of the tree, with Deidara’s head in his lap, as the two quietly tell each other about their days.

❄️ Deidara’s mother would make what she called a Christmas Scrapbook every year. It would start on December 1st and end on December 25th. In it would be pictures of the two of them together, and the different fun things they would do that month. Deidara’s mother died when he was around 12, and the scrapbooks stopped. He told Sasori about it when they had been dating for about 3 years, and thought nothing more about it. Then on Christmas of that year Deidara found himself unwrapping a beautifully put together scrapbook of the two of them together, and all the things they did that month. On the very last page Sasori taped a Diamond ring and wrote “To Be Continued?” underneath. Deidara sobbed. They got married 5 months later, a week after Deidara’s birthday.

❄️ Sasori absolutely loves wrapping presents. He likes making the packages look perfect and uniformed, and adding ribbons and bows to everything when he gets a chance. Deidara hates wrapping gifts; he’s all thumbs and most of the time more tape gets stuck to him than the wrapping paper. So he’ll usually convince Sasori to wrap up his gifts for him.

❄️ Both of them like Christmas music when they’re listening at home or in the car, but for some reason their love turns to hate when they hear it played in public places. If they’re in a store where that music is playing, they’ll purposely (and obnoxiously) talk so loudly that it drowns the tunes out. Or Deidara will change the lyrics of the songs to be “funny” aka inappropriate. They’ve been asked to leave several places due to this behavior. It becomes a bit of a competition with them, to see how many stores they can be kicked out of before December 25th rolls around.

❄️ The day before Christmas Eve is spent visiting/exchanging gifts with Sasori’s grandmother. She almost always knits them sweaters. Sasori hides his in the back of his closet but Deidara loves his, often wearing them until they fall off his body. 

❄️ Christmas Eve is spent with the other members of the Akatsuki. They exchange gifts with each other and they also do a Secret Santa on top of that, but the gift they get for the person they draw is supposed to be silly/funny. Sasori will give gifts according to each person’s tastes, but Deidara will give sculptures. Every time. Whether they explode or not depends on whether Deidara feels the person has been Naughty or Nice that year.

❄️ Christmas Day is just the two of them. They watch movies and Sasori makes Dei a lovely Christmas dinner. That he eats WAY too much of, and usually ends up with a stomachache. Deidara is a bit like a dog when it comes to food; he has a complete lack of self-control. If you put a whole turkey in front of him, forget taking a few slices, he will attempt to eat the. whole. turkey.

❄️When they have kids, Elf on the Shelf becomes like an Olympic event for the two of them. They take turns each night competing to see who can have the elf in funnier poses. Sasori’s best was filling the sink full of cereal, placing the elf sitting over the sink next to a jug of milk, holding a large spoon and a note that said “Sorry, I couldn’t find a big enough bowl!” Deidara’s best was the elf sitting on the kitchen counter next to a can of ginger surrounded by slices of bread, with a note that read “Surprise! I made you a gingerbread house!” Their kids love this tradition and can’t wait to wake up each day to see what the elf has done.

[noonaishere]

Music of the Heart [J.YH] - twenty-one | busking

Since you had only been to one of To The Beat’s busking events, you had already forgotten how rowdy they could get. You walked around and quietly observed everyone interacting before the dancing started, some people practicing moves up to the last minute, and some just joking and laughing.

“T/n!” Dani ran over to you and grabbed your hands, jumping with excitement.

The two of you laughed and jumped together for a few seconds. You’d never known a kid with as much energy and boundless happiness as she had, nor one as outgoing, even when you were a kid. Chunyoung ran over and stopped next to you and waited for the both of you to stop jumping. 

“You were with Dani and her mom when me and uncle Mingi saw you at the park, right?”

“Yes, I was.” 

“I’m Chunyoung,” he bowed and held his free hand out to shake.

You took his hand and shook it with a smile. “I’m t/n.”

Dani took his hand to include him, insistent that he join, and you all went back to jumping.

You all jumped for a bit, seemingly just to jump, since the original excitement of your arrival must have worn off by now. The world you grew up in seemed so alien from the one you knew now, and Dani and Chunyoung just make you wonder how different everything might be if you had been allowed to grow up like them.

“Guys!” Dei yelled from where she was with Mingi and the rest of the group, waving you over.

Dani and Chunyoung each took you by a hand and led you over to their mom and uncle, respectfully.

“You three looked like you were practicing for double-dutch over there,” she laughed.

“I’d have really good trainers if we were.” You answered with a laugh.

Dei smoothed out Dani’s hair, ruffled from the jumping. “Why were you making t/n jump?”

“I dunno. It’s fun to see her.”

You smiled. 

“I also think it’s fun to see her,” Chunyoung added with a self-satisfied nod.

Mingi fixed his hair and shook his head at you with a chuckle. “I’m glad you came out, but forgive me for not jumping.”

“Oh my god, if you tried to make me jump, that’d be terrifying. You’re too tall.”

Dei laughed and Mingi turned to her with a look of false offense.

“Is there a particular place I should sit for a good view?” You asked.

“You’re gonna sit with us!” Dani said.

“Yes! We have the best seat!” Chunyoung added.

You looked from them to the adults in charge of them. “Nevermind then.”

Dei chuckled, “You’re in good hands,” and patted you on the shoulder.

You nodded.

While everyone finished final preparations - the music system was tested one last time and the phone was put up for streaming and online tips - you, Dani, Chunyoung, and everyone took seats on the pavement so you could watch.

“Miss t/n?” Chunyoung asked.

“Yes?”

“Are you also a dancer?”

You shook your head. “No, I’m from the entertainment company that they work for, but I work in Music Production.”

“Music Production?”

“Someone who makes the music they dance to.”

“Ohhh. Is that an important job?”

You thought for a moment. “I think so. We want them to have good music to dance to, right?”

He nodded sagely.

Dani laughed and reached across you to pinch him on the knee. He swatted her hand away and rubbed the spot she pinched.

Mingi took the mic. “How’s everyone doing today?”

The crowd cheered.

Mingi smiled. “I’m glad, I’m glad. So before we get started, I just wanted to remind everyone that we’ll be having our groups from To The Beat perform, and then we’ll do the Random Dance afterwards. So if you want to show off your kpop dance skills, make sure you stick around for that, it’s always a good time. For those of you who might be streaming or who will post videos later, make sure you tag us. And… everyone have a good time.”

Everyone cheered and clapped again as he bowed a thanks and left the stage area.

The dancers were divided up into several groups depending on their age and the songs they were performing: the youngest members (who might have been trainee dancers, you weren’t sure) were broken into two groups of girls and two groups of boys, the girls performed Shooting Star by XG and OMG by New Jeans while the boys performed Sugar Rush Ride by TXT and Limitless by NCT 127. 

“What do you think of our kids?” Mingi came out and asked once the last group was done. “We’ve been training them well, right?”

The crowd applauded.

“They’re about to graduate into our main group, so give them a big round of applause and let them know how far they’ve come.”

The audience applauded louder, while the kids all bowed or looked bashful from the attention.

“Next are our groups of adults, I’ll be in one of them, and my second in command Dei, who you all know will also be in one of them.”

The crowd clapped and a few whistled at the mention of Mingi and Dei dancing in the performances.

“Oh! There he is!” Chunyoung said happily. 

Before you could turn to see who he meant, he was already yelling for them to come over:

“Uncle Yunho!”

You couldn’t bear to look in his direction.

“Chungyoung, don’t yell for people!” Dani said as she hit his arm.

“Ow, sorry.”

You could hear Yunho as he sat down behind Chunyoung.

“Hey, buddy, what’s going on?”

“We’re watching everyone dance.” Chunyoung said.

“Who are you with--”

You turned and he stopped talking when he saw you.

“This is t/n, she’s friends with my mom and uncle Mingi,” Dani said. 

“Nice to meet you,” you said curtly.

“Nice to meet you too,” he said back. 

The older dancers were similarly broken up into one group of women and two of men, the women performed First by Everglow while the men performed God’s Menu by Stray Kids and Sherlock by Shinee. Then they got into the mashup songs: there were two groups of women and one of men with the women performing a mashup of Wings by Pixy and Scream by Dreamcatcher and a K/DA and Blackpink mashup of a few songs each, the men performed a mashup of Kick It by NCT 127 and Thunderous by Stray Kids. Then the mixed groups performed a mashup of Blackpink, EXO, CLC, and Everglow, the year-end mashup you did for 2020, and a mashup of NCT Us songs from their Resonance album.

You clapped and whooped as loud as anyone else as everyone came out to bow. To say you were dazzled by everyone’s talents would have not gone far enough to explain how wowed you were by everyone’s dancing ability. Everyone was so good, even the younger dancers who must still be learning. Their movements were so sharp and on point, while still being graceful and exaggerating what they needed to. Their facial expressions were also entertaining as hell, more like the few dance groups you’ve seen than the way many idols didn’t emote on stage in favor of being pretty.

Since he arrived, you could hear Yunho cheering, and you were glad he was behind you so you didn’t have to interact with him.

As Mingi and some people, who you thought might be Wonderland sound engineering staff, moved around a few things to prepare for the Random Dance, you and your little group stood.

“Did you like it, t/n?” Dani asked.

“I did. Everyone was really good.”

“Uncle Yunho,” Chunyoung whined, “why didn’t you dance?”

“Oh… I’ve been busy lately so I couldn’t practice. I wouldn’t want to make everyone else look bad.”

“But you’re still a great dancer, uncle Yunho. Uncle Mingi could have helped you.”

Yunho looked at Chunyoung for a split second, he seemed to take offense to the idea that he’d need to ask Mingi for help.

You smirked to yourself at this.

“Chunyoung, if anyone needs help from anyone, Mingi would need help from me.”

“Oh… that’s not what he said.”

You snickered and hid it.

“Who needs help from who?” Mingi said as he came over and draped an arm across Yunho’s shoulders.

“You need a slap, is what you need.”

They started horsing around and you rolled your eyes. You supposed that, even in their mid-20s, men were still just silly little boys.

Dani turned to you. “T/n, do you want to go congratulate my mom and the other dancers on a job well done?”

“Sure.”

Dani and Chunyoung each took one of your hands and you walked over to where the majority of the dancers were to congratulate them. When Dei told them you had made the 2020 year-end mashup, several of them got excited and told you they loved it.

“She also made that girl group mashup we wanted to use but had to axe last minute,” she told the group.

“Why didn’t you use it?” You asked.

“We were going to, but three of the girls who were going to be in it had to cancel because they didn’t realize they had scheduled things for today already. So we’ll just do it next time.”

You nodded.

“Are you staying for the Random Dance?”

“Um…” Yunho and Mingi were still arguing, with Mingi in a headlock, “No, I figured I’d go home and get some stuff done and then chill for the rest of the day. I really wanted to see the Wonderland dancers.”

She nodded. “Okay, well, I’m glad you came out to support us.”

“No problem. Thank you for using my music. I’m going to get going.”

You said goodbye to Dei, Dani, and Chunyoung, and then absconded without going near Mingi, since Yunho was there.

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luvvvx • iamthehotdemon • 

[amberarmedheart]

The Color Of Makeup

It had always been difficult for me to find the proper color of foundation that goes with my skin color. Whenever I used to go to the stores, back in the early 2000s when i started high school and I had learned the hard way how cruel the world can be, they never ever had my shade. One store after another, one counter after another, and I simply couldn't find them... in the usual markets, that is.

If I wanted more affordable, regular brands, they never carried my shade. But if I really, really wanted to match it, I had to go to an expensive department store to actually get the exact shade that didn't make me look ashy or weird.

And from the very first moment, I was fine with it. Why? Well, it is quite simple: I am pale as an uncooked flour tortillas and I am a Mexican living in Mexico.

It was obvious to me that the usual supermarkets didn't carry my shade, the percentage of the population that has my exact skin color is quite small, so of course it would be difficult for me to find it. My grandparents, after all, were a wild mix: Mexican, Spanish, Chinese, and French. Why the hell did the genetic lottery decide I was to be born with a white pale butt, I will never know. Yes, my dad was white, but my mother has brown skin, and so did two of my grandparents, and then there was my grandmother with a French last name and green eyes and platinum blonde hair.

What bothered me since I was a kid was the fact that I looked around and most people around me had brown skin and yet, whenever I looked at a magazine, an ad, a movie or a tv show, everyone there was white, nine times out of ten. It bothered me whenever some of my aunts would start describing someone as "oh she is so pretty, you know, she is white and blonde and..." and how some of my uncles would say "of course you wouldn't want your daughter to date a black man"... and every single time, those aunts and uncles with the most racist views ended up having dark skin themselves.

I don't know how, in the middle of such a harmful environment, both of my parents managed to have an entirely different perception of the world, but I am grateful for it. And yet, I know that a lot of the hate and anger that my extended family expressed towards other people due to the color of their skin had a lot to do with the messages that the media taught them since they were children. How difficult it must be for a child to grow loving the way they look when the tv and movies always say that dark skinned people are the bad ones and even the church will portrait angels as blonde.

And yet, the idea that "the others" are "scary, different, dangerous" is always perpetuated by major pieces of media: the most recent one, at least in my sphere of interests, is Genshin Impact, which recently released a teaser trailer for a new region called Natlan. This region has been mentioned as one that draws inspiration from Latin America and Africa... and the darkest skinned character in it looks like me after ten minutes under the desert sun.

"It is a fantasy game, why should it be accurate?" some person who knows exactly why asks in bad faith in social media, to which you and I both know that if there is a damned playable dog boy, they can add at least three more drops of brown to their palette.

"Why can't you empathize with characters that don't have the same skin color as you?" asks someone else with an ai generated profile picture and a cross and a flag emojis following their nickname, to which I say: why can't you? 99% of the characters portrayed in the media you consume are the exact same ethnicity as you, and every single time someone slightly different appears, you will scream "DEI! Woke! They are ruining everything!" The rest of the world has had to swallow every single "white savior" piece of media up to this day, why can't you stop spitting for once, there's half a child there you know, I thought you were against abortions.

"It is only being inspired!" someone else screams, red faced, into the void, to which I say that if you are taking name and surname from a deity to represent said deity and the color motifs and tattoos and even reference their powers but the only thing you don't take from them is their skin color, that's colorism.

Next thing I know, Hoyoverse will try to copyright the Mayans, you know, like Disney tried to copyright Dia De Muertos back before it released Coco.

I am old and exhausted about life as it is, I am tired of the constant cycle of fear that politicians and multinational companies use everywhere to divide the people, draw targets on each others' backs and then point and scream "they are the reason you are suffering, not me, never me!". I am tired of people swallowing it up because it is way easier to punch someone "different" to a pulp than recognize that both of us have the same enemy and the same source of suffering and that what we should do to fix this mess requires of a lot more effort than picking one color in a ballot every four years.

[dojae-huh]

Huh nim, not about jaedo but have you taken the mbti test yet? Let me guess you might be an Xstj? (I know you seem neither have interests in mbti nor believe in it though😂, so if you don’t wanna talk about it just ignore it) I’m curious about your result because I really appreciate the logical way you analyze jaedo, and how you organize your observations and opinions really clear, and take all the real-world conditions into consideration, not just making up some love stories. You know a lot of jaedo shippers just see jaedo as a very childish and irrational couple, going through a lot of dramas and conflicts like two characters from kdrama, which I just can’t relate at all haha.

I don't think MBTI is a complete hoax. Brains do differ, and it's possible to divide them into categories. Naturally, any classification will be pretty loose. An MBTI type doesn't describe an individual fully, just explains what the brain of this person prioritizes, how it deals with the information, and so on. However, there is no "species" as a unit of life in reality, biologists still find this term very useful.

I do not trust the online tests though: they are too short with bad questions. As well as people self-identifying (biased and don't really know themselves) or others trying to do it looking at the "vibe" (easy to be mistaken).

And I do not trust idols' official MBTIs because: a) they take the short tests, b) they have motivation to lie for their image (in SK some types are considered more desireable: friendly, hardworking, etc).

I'm INTP-T, and a very clear one (I'm even a scientist in real life). It has never changed since childhood. You guessed one letter, heh.

I think the usefullness of MBTI type of systems is that people can comprehend and accept that other people think differently. And sometimes get the "keys" to "why?".

Have you seen the MokChu episode with Johnathan? In the comments most of the fans wrote how they started to see the guest in another light. Johnathan wasn't behaving differently from the way he MCs: he laughed non-stop, didn't care for his image much (like gulping cola glass after glass). It is his daily habits and his interests (the love for Korean history, the thoughts about enjoying the life while young because the life is fleeting), that reveiled his depth. It is the same with JaeDo and with most neos: one needs to spend time to get to know an idol, invest in memorisation of facts about him, retain all of the information, not only that that fits the desireable picture. Otherwise people just see constructs (Doyoung as a babygirl), invent stories (JaeDo as an irrational couple (what? heh)), or gloss over some core traits (Do's fans are constantly reminded he is witty and sassy, however, they omit this trait when they build his character for themselves, don't think how these traits influence the rest).

Yesterday YT gave me a video of DEI nominee US judges going through a comittee. Once again my worldview was overthrown because I still can't comprehend how judges like Kelly Hodge exist and are allowed to decide fates of other people. My logical brain just breaks faced with the reality of how the modern world is ran by emotional and irrational people...

But back to shippers. The majority of shippers are interested in shipping as an entertainment, a fun activity. They don't expect their chosen ship to be real, and most don't care to stick to IC. Drama is fun, stereotyping simplifies things, the constant worry about the ship breaking up provides an emotional roller coaster. In the first place, shipping as an activity in public (discussion, fanwars) is attractive for emotional and social people. People who are more logical (who are usually introverts) don't see the need to go into those spaces and argue, participate, share their thoughts. As a result, you don't see them.

[abyssalpriest]

Roleplay: Masks and Masses 7/5/23 - 27/5/23

An essay of a collection of thoughts from Leviathan on the nature of roleplay as partial possession and magnetic interplays. Under read more for length reasons

I was looking at a video of soldiers around the world being human. What an odd thing to say given human soldiers are always both human and soldiers, yet that is how my brain wants to say it. What is the distinction between "soldier" and "human"? 

I'm not the first to make this distinction and I won't be the last, but as a generalisation most of those who approach this inherent feeling of detachment between "soldier" and "human" see it as one of two things: the soldier is something to be revered like a god, or the soldier is inhuman in cruelty and self-detachment from the clutch. A panicked set of seabird chicks huddle against the cliffside away from the one who has claimed the sea. Humans sense something extra going on as if they were picking up on the scent of fungus writhing in the soldier's brain.

For every role, there is an opposing one. Roles are ways through which we interact with the world, it's interactive by nature as is well known, and there is always a relationship at play between the person(s) embodying the role and the often obscured cause of the role. Even in the case of a 'soldier' who swears he is one with no training and no master nor war to fight, he is identifying a relationship between himself and the idea of a war and attempting to cross a gap between his mind and those of fellow soldiers. At the heart of it though, the identity of a role is different to other types of identity in the fact that it is indicating a possession by an idea and a partial possession by another person. Like a bird flock twists and warps to the same tune...

Really what's on my mind is the role of the core identity to which and around which the identity of the soldier springs up. The soldier is possessed by his understanding of war and soldiers and by his leaders. 

Information is not only within the brain, and Calathea can take over the majority of that conversation as he is certainly drawn to doing so given he's already started talking about "locational information" with Dei, however, there is always a spectrum involved and so the parts of "locational information" that lie closer to the singular brain, or "the self" as people of this plane know it, are in my view and therefore I have to bite.

There are varying levels of possession as there are varying levels of everything. Everything is on a spectrum, multiple, actually, but regardless roleplaying is a more active way of participating in the "Collective Unconscious" or "Collective Species Information", CSI from now. All I mean when I say CSI is the hard to define collection of information, impulses, opinions, and instincts in the locational information that a species relies on for their species' 'persona', basically Collective Human Information would be a term for the "human-ness that exists outside of and within each individual human". The concept of humanity can be observed without being in the presence of a human, and a human can grow up as a human without being in contact with other humans, because of the Collective Human Information, but it is also highly involved in human-to-human contact. Not all species are as social as humans, but humans are not unique in how they socially reference a CSI for their species. The reason I say Species instead of Human is because my reaches in terms of roles extends outside of humanity. 

The purpose of a role at least in my own personal viewpoint is that it is an opportunity to surrender to something pre-made in the CSI in order to conserve personal resources, or to attain something the individual cannot attain by themselves. It is a method of exchange though, and roleplay is akin to what happens with purchasing and bartering, except the exchange is generally power - as vague a word as that is - instead of money. The role itself is like the marketplace within which two or more people agree to trade.

If you cannot build your own furniture, you trade with the carpenter for things you can create, find, or otherwise gather into your personal sphere of wealth. If you cannot create a cause, motivation, reason, etc that you might feel a need for, you trade with the CSI like a marketplace in exchange for your own resources. Generally with roles one person submits to and trusts (student, employee, soldier) the programming of the more dominant part (teacher, employer, leader), but there are of course roles such as partner where the role itself is the more dominant part, such as taking on the role of a 'goth' where the idea of goth-ness is more dominant than the individual goths are amongst themselves.

I don't think it needs to be said but in case it does, roles being subjectively understood doesn't counteract the underlying exchange, one person may think an apple is worth 30c and another $1, one person my think an apple is an apple and the other has a mislabelled pear, but there is still an exchange going on. There are disconnects - or maybe it's better to say there will never be complete replication - between one partner's understanding of the exchange and another's but that's inconsequential and an inherent feature of the programming of reality itself. Reality is built to have imperfections and hiccups - and very importantly disconnects between views and understandings - throughout everything and as such it can't be used as a counterpoint to dissecting what is and isn't 'real'.

What people gain from taking on a role can be what was already stated (and this goes for both submissive and dominant roles, as well as neutral): Becoming a citizen or volunteer or preacher gives you a cause, becoming a good partner or parent gives motivation, becoming a member of a religious congregation gives reason to your actions, and so on, but it also serves the purpose of tightening bonds between you and others, securing your place in the collective and ensuring others have a reason to protect you - and to keep giving you what you signed into the role for. It's a self-sustaining system similar to an auction house taking a portion of the auctions' profits, though obviously a role and a person are two very different types of consciousnesses. 

Problems arise when faced with the nature of trading while people are unaware of their own worth. We see that problem in today's world, surrounded by advertising for every little thing. Did you know you likely can make your own bread, grow you own food, make your own furniture? Yet there's a push to get you to exchange your money, time, and power for the bread, food, and furniture made by others who pocket the excess you give them. In the same way there are issues with roleplaying when people don't understand what exactly they're giving and getting. So many people bend over backwards to be good kids to parents who are wringing them for everything they're worth, so many people willing to be devotees to gods who barely show up. The people who optionally submit to the role, the devotees, should probably do better for themselves and actually consider what is happening when they become one.

What are you giving when you assign yourself to a role? What are you getting? How much energy are you expending for the people you're paired with through roleplay? How many parts of a job description have you taken on as necessary that could be discarded? For example, showing up around your kids is necessary as a father. Is defending them rabidly to strangers on social media at every turn in ways they don't even see, instead of conserving your strength and well-being and letting people have their negative opinions, a part of it? Being an employee involves showing up to work, being polite, doing what you're told, but does it require answering emails on a weekend and volunteering for paid over time in order to keep the role? 

Arguably the most important question though is: Who are you supporting and feeding when you take on a role? A soldier is not just supporting their fellow countrymen, but is also upholding the soldier role as it is and contributing to the perpetuation of whatever negative symptoms there are to that role, they contribute to the normalisation of everything they accept. They are also feeding the pockets of... Who, exactly? It isn't just a web of soldiers, countrymen affected by their actions, their direct leaders, etc. It's government officials, lazy people who get others to do their jobs and fight for them, and so on. I'm not talking about fields of cause and effect like the Butterfly Effect though that is another thing to think about, but specifically the putting on and taking off of the role of the soldier and who that immediately helps and hinders. Not "will this war later on have effects I should think about", but "when I become a soldier, who am I working for and what do they gain from me working for them" and in regards to things like normalisation of immorality "is this specific role actually what I want to be, or does it just happen to coincide with the benefits I want, connecting me to the people I want to be connected to, and an energy I don't mind inhabiting?" 

At the end of the day, people are drawn to things to fulfill needs and wants and they are drawn to things that seem to fulfill those needs/wants. Polarity snaps the person to fulfillment and declares that it knows what you need, determining for you that what you see in front of you is or is not equal to the thing you need. You have the power to identify the need before an identity has been put on it. "I need to become a soldier to protect my country": that's a need with an identity strapped to its face in order to get you to do something. What you likely need is community and cause, which in turn is an identity for safety, social contact, entertainment/enrichment, etc, though everyone is called to roles for personalised reasons. The identity will try its hardest to snap to that need and it will feel like "yes, I need safety, social contact, and so on, and I specifically want it through being a soldier because I'm drawn to that and that life", but are you drawn to that life and identity as a result of genuine thought-out following your needs through every opportunity, or do you want it because you want it? Want is a powerful, magnetic thing. Magnets are dangerous things that begin siphons, riptides to indulgences and you may not be the one indulging.

Personally, roleplay is comparable in its own ways to the water cycle. Water is upheaved from one part (many parts) of a society into a greater mass from which actual change can happen. Water, as ferocious and weighty as it is en masse in great pools doesn't fulfill its total purpose by staying where it is. Yes, water bodies sustain entire ecosystems, and yes, an entire body being drained would starve those ecosystems. Likewise if you take all the energy and products of a set of people you will drastically impact their health and drain their community and communal abilities. You kill almost everything except the water. Isn't this why we have entire workforces of people yet barely any communities here and now? Starved completely of their natural habitats. But a lake doesn't need all its water to function, and a natural flow between bodies of water and the land is actually much more productive and conducive to growth than land and water being divided. Just like a flowing economy sees more use out of its money when in flow rather than in the hands of those who hoard it, despite the total amount of money being the same, a flow between roles and peoples enabled by an unseen system enables more to get done with the finite resources available. A lake could sustain an ecosystem of its own, or it could, by giving a portion of its mass that barely reduces its own ecosystem, sustain several.

There is always more to be done with limited resources, or at least that's the technological mind's approach to it. A pile of earth can be clay, can be a house's clay roof, can be a hammer to build the house, can be a car which is a temporary portable house, can be a spaceship. A hammer can be a robot that builds, a robot that builds can be a robot that builds other robots that build... A pile of earth can also be distilled into medicines, fertilisers, made into books like those made with stone paper, made into paints, makeup, food... As long as someone knows what to do with that energy then there is something clever to be done with it, and that pile of earth is a concurrent part of a system in which it will be remade over and over again as things it once was a part of succumb to the inevitable dredge back home.

For (big) spirits, working with people often comes back to the idea of mass harvesting energy with which to do something, like great clouds sucking up water to move it someplace else. That's the exchange of gods and worshipers at least partially and simplified. It is worth noting with that analogy however that there is a draw of submission of energy that is not entirely in the minds of the one submitting, the Sun is the powerhouse that extracts the water upwards similar to a draw of a person seeing something they like and going for it. Roles are multi-sided by nature, all parties submit and all parties take, all communicate and control, and likewise, all are drawn to the role and pull the other in to it... Both experience a draw and give off a draw. Keeping in mind that given the role itself is a nebulous third party like a sort of eternally-foetal collection of ideas and such with (sometimes multiple) umblical cords between itself and each party, it also has its own set of and interpretation of gains and losses, or really it's more accurate to talk about them like attractions and repulsions, which means the role itself should also, to some degree, both be affected by and give off a magnetic draw. I say attractions and repulsions when there are neutralities involved, but in siphoning flows and magnetics it's generally those former two. But this is complex, because a role is a coagulated, knotted mess of different types of consciousness and Form-esque ideas, really it's like a manufactured Form that needs to be sustained like a living being, but it's hard to discuss because there's too much nuance about how it is not alive to actually get into it without spending forever on it. Made of consciousness, not conscious. All you need to know is that it has a draw as all things are magnetic in some form or another. 

Using 'magnetism' as a vague word for attracting, repulsing, and related neutral forces in a general sense, everything experiences magnetism including consciousness. Thoughts often cling to divisions as if spectrums don't exist, flitting between poles and parts on the poles as if there is no in-between. That's something Dei can get into as he's already started, specifically I'm pointing out that consciousness has a magnetic element in-built into everything. As above so below as they say and as such everything has a part in everything, reality in its entirety is a storybook told in a series of minute finite letters constantly rearranged and in specific orders and multitudes, like an infinite book of infinite words where no two words are spelled the same yet, again, all are written in the same repeating letters. One real thing can be more of one of the consituents of reality than others in the way a word in this metaphor can have more 'e's than another, more coinciding points of contact between the scattering lines of Creation's original output, like how magnets are more heavily Polarised than other things and yet Polarity exists in everything. Likewise, it's important to remember that there is a multitude of things at play in any simplistic situation. Really, if you think a situation is simple you're likely being magnetised to a singular view as if it were the only one, ignoring the spectrum at play as a result since the closer to a pole you get the harder it is to break away... Which means you are being highly influenced and unable to really approach the situation in an active way.

Sometimes I wonder what people get out of worshiping gods in singular, obsessively attracted ways. I think Dei and I have at least comparable questions along those lines regarding worshipers if you only look at the surface level words used, but my questions are mostly rhetorical because the answer is clear. It differs between every single person since no two words in the story are identical but the usual reason I see is way more magnetic than thought out. Looking down at people who have called me on their hands and knees wide-eyed and begging, they're not acting from a rational part of themselves because their rationality has been magnetised to the floor.

I told you there's something that joins the code and the encoding, right? Something that joins the logic to the action that isn't immediately apparent. Something joins the sensation of an empty stomach to the informing of the rest of the body that one must consume, something joins the need to consume with the act of moving hands and feet to move towards and create and consume food. That something is in-between poles but the process is sped up by magnetising input and output to the point that one feels a thing that needs to be addressed, follows a rhythm, and efficiency in the form of magnetism snaps the self to the outcome to get it fixed as soon as possible. Like with the dissection of "I want to be a soldier" into "I want social contact/etc", there is a need, an inner experience, that has to be mapped on to the outer world in order to fulfill the lemniscate order of nature - emphasis on needs to - and this is the function of efficient fulfillment. The deeper the hunger, the more most people give in to the magnetism since it's more effective at getting things done than ignoring it. Polarity is King after all, and a King is nothing but a director of resources and a head of a people making decisions for the masses, an efficient map of 'do's and 'do not's in order to get the highest and most powerful results done.

Energy is that which is given, taken, and sustained by mind. Physicality is that which is given, taken, and sustained by body. In the mind of a ruler they are pools of resources to be shifted around, delegated, consumed and played with. Watch who you delegate as ruler, or something. Ending this with any sort of lesson would require magnetising your consciousness to the idea of me as a teacher, a role I don't care to get into.

[and-then-there-were-n0ne]

By the end of a tumultuous 2020 I felt like I might be going a bit mad. It seemed to me that we were clearly living through revolutionary times: politically, ideologically, technologically, even geopolitically... everything seemed to have become unmoored. It felt like we were clearly approaching, or had already entered, a period of crisis—or rather the Greek krisis: a moment of radical decision and separation, a process of transformation where the old system can no longer be maintained and something new emerges. And yet nobody seemed to be talking about it openly or honestly; almost everyone I knew insisted everything was totally normal and would continue just as before, even as the ambient societal fear and anxiety grew so thick you could cut it with a knife. Gaslighting or simply ignoring reality seemed to be the new normal as coping mechanism. [...]

In trying to trace back the roots of the present madness, of our various ideological and cultural maladies, I found that each kept running to a level much deeper than I expected. To be honest in my investigation, I soon found it wasn’t enough to blame Foucault, or Marxism, or liberalism, or whatever; these ideas and ideologies were only responses to the same patterns stemming from human nature. Deep atomization and alienation. A rejection of higher authority, any authority, even the authority of reality. Boundless ego of the self. A void of higher meaning. Unmitigated fear of suffering and death. Existential anxiety. Nihilism. Anger at life, anger at all of creation. A desperate, limitless thirst for technological control as a reaction. Deluded hopes for utopia on earth and the end of all suffering. Relentlessly, every issue I was investigating began to converge on our modern society’s lack of ready answers to the same uncomfortably metaphysical questions: Why are we here? What is truth? What is real? How do we explain suffering? How do we justify existence? How do we live in the world? And so on.

We thought we had resolved or at least successfully set aside these questions in our modern, secular age. But it turns out this neutrality was always impossible; they are unavoidable and have to be answered. If they aren’t, something else will inevitably rush in to fill the void, no matter how crude, ill-considered, disordered, or dangerous that something is. That is what we are seeing everywhere now: “the return of the strong gods,” in the phrase of R.R. Reno.

So I’ve had to conclude that, at bottom, our civilization’s crisis is first and foremost a spiritual crisis. And that the great struggles underlying our present upheavals are really struggles over essentially theological questions, such as whether there is any inherent dignity in human life and the human body, or whether all matter is inherently evil and only pure spirit good. Most of all, at the core, there seems to be a great struggle between two competing visions about what it means to be human: whether Man exists as, in essence, machine or Imago Dei. As someone who previously thought theology was surely an irrelevant anachronism, having it turn out to still be the Queen of the Sciences has all been a bit of a shock. But here we are.

Now I’m still worried about the rise of totalitarianism, risk of destabilization and conflict, etc. Very worried. But for a bit different reasons. Most of my previous conceptions about modernity and its direction have been shattered, you could say. Now my real concern is that the spiritual causes of our present crisis are so fundamental, and that we’ve dug ourselves into such a deep hole, so to speak, that finding a way out on our own will be exceptionally difficult.

— Thoughts on Today's Upheaval and Its Implications

[gothicprep]

random thought dump related to nikki haley saying in her cpac speech that "wokeness is worse than any pandemic", and the similar-ish comment from mike pompeo about "wokeness is worse than the chinese communist party".

it's this common line structure republican politicians have been workshopping that goes something like, "you know that thing you think is bad? wokeness is worse than that!" there's obviously a bit of a trajectory with these sorts of things. in the aughts, being a liberal was bad. some time after, being a social justice warrior was bad. now being. um. a woke? that's what's bad now. but i think what's different about the latter two moments is that there's a question about what wokeness even is.

at least with the neologism of cancel culture, it's understood that this refers to a type of social behavior. is this thing they're calling "woke" a political philosophy, or is it a social behavior? both? to what extent of which? if aliens landed on the planet tomorrow and asked me, for some reason, what "woke" was, i'd really have to think about it.

words are coined, they bounce around, their meanings shift. from my understanding, the origin of the word was black american slang that basically meant that your eyes were open to the true nature of the world. depending on who said this, there could be something of a conspiratorial element they're winking at, or it meant cognizant of social issues. staying woke meant that you weren't just a self-interested person going about your business, but that you were paying attention. this is still a layer of this to the term, but as antiracism became more of a matter of concern in progressive spaces, moderate libs kind of gestured to sjw/woke as ways of separating themselves from people who were further left than they were. it then bled into conservative circles, wherein the meaning became more imprecise because conservatives are... conservative. they view a lot of things as too far left, which has a pretty distinct subtext than left leaning moderates concluding that a small handful of things are too far left.

i think what this is trying to speak to is how there's a new set of ideological concepts around race and gender issues afoot on the left that are pretty different from those which we'd seen 15-20 odd years ago, but the proponents of these ideas haven't settled on a name for themselves. this is unusual. if someone tells me "i'm a liberal, especially on economic issues," i have a sense without asking a lot of detailed questions what that person believes. if they say "i'm a socialist," i understand that this person has a different set of economic beliefs. there's a distinguished intellectual tradition of what socialism is, debates within that sphere about what socialism ought to amount to, and there have been political parties. what i think the conservatives are glomming onto here is something else distinct from how they understand liberalism or socialism, but a movement that doesn't name itself, so they settle on "sjw" or, later, "woke".

what's in a name? clarity, i guess. when conservatives would attack obamacare and call it socialism, liberals could say "no, this isn't socialism" and socialists could say "no, this isn't socialism" because socialism exists – not as an intellectual tendency on its own, but as a movement with a name. meanwhile, if you look at some of the DEI materials that cropped up out of the american racial reckoning of 2020, it's obviously something else separate from expected american liberalism, but i don't know what the shorthand is for that.

a final note on haley: what's interesting is haley's comment at cpac, after which she pivots to "democrats want you to think this is a racist country, but i was the governor of south calorina and i can tell you that this it's not". like, nikki. you underperformed in your first governor's run. 2010 was a wave year for republicans, and south carolina is a very conservative state. she did somewhat terribly, given that. why? i'd wager it may have been... racism?

what's also odd about this is that i can't imagine the... political incentive to treat outside threats (pandemics, the chinese communist party) as lesser to perceived domestic threats. bush 43 was... you know... but i can't imagine him saying anything like "the tax and spend liberals are worse than al-quaeda".

well, that's the thought dump. questions? comments? armchair speculations about the political strategy here? all are welcome.

[vizthedatum]

On dressing up, getting through life, and doing “the work” in an unjust world

Being the desi queer that I am, I woke up early on menstruation-day-4 and put on a classic ‘90s Bollywood song, “Woh Ladki Jo” (I find that the eponymous lyric that says that this girl is different from everyone ("Woh ladki jo sabse alag hai") very hilarious because I’m all like “I really am not like other girls because I’m not actually a girl. I just love makeup and dressing up regardless of all that”), on repeat, and did my makeup. Put on my girlfriend’s dress. Rolled my eyes at my cramps (and fatigue and breakouts and omfg all the pain). I did a lot of spoon recovery and self-care yesterday: was able to take off work because the schedule was sparse, got a much-needed haircut (the last one was before my defense in April 2021), and basically was horizontal for the rest of the day. Today, I’m much more active - I can feel myself being more genuinely upbeat even though I’m still grieving.

And I’m so upset at the state of the world. I always am.

As Angela Davis says: “Sometimes we have to do the work even though we don't yet see a glimmer on the horizon that it's actually going to be possible.”

I think we should all do something. Anything. Within our limits, sure, but something.

But what work should we be doing?? How do we measure or even justify if we are doing what we can or if it is even going to make a difference? When things are so systematically unjust at so many scales and levels of entrenchment, it’s hard not to get jaded even when you’re outraged at the senseless violence that not only happens in this country but all over the fucking world.

I used to be a part of the DEI group at my old department at Pitt (where I did my Ph.D.). DEI stands for diversity, equity, and inclusion. We were a group of four: two professor-types, one student (me!), and one staff person. We banded together after the murder of George Floyd - many organizations all over the country formed DEI groups. Our department head was SO enthusiastic about it (you know how it goes (paraphrased): “we gotta do something about this!!”) but … only four people signed up. And we were powerless. We came up with ideas and drafted a couple of plans/documents: a proposal, a mission statement, a budget, a failed book club idea (my idea, no surprise), and a contentiously received presentation…. We were largely ignored. There were some programs in place and efforts made to increase diversity but it all was strained. Other people in our department mentioned that the work was hard with little payoff. Others had grand ideas that could not be done without more staffing. No one had the allotted time or energy. Morale was low. And we didn’t have the resources to really conduct investigations into the state of equity or even have the requisite knowledge to educate or bring about change.

Many activists say that DEI groups don’t work. They’re performative, at best.

Performative DEI is perpetuating the problems we face. It is not “the work.” Posting a blackout picture (even though you can! And there is utility and validity in raising awareness and sharing your pain/concern!!) or simply sharing a hashtag without any real follow-through is… not furthering the cause. Having an organization that is isolated from everything else just to have it… is laughably not “the work.” Throwing money at the problem (even though you should donate and support as much as you can) is not just enough.

These are my suggestions (I come from a place of privilege as I type this, and I am open to feedback, criticism, and suggestions):

1. Make a fuss. Call people out: your colleagues and even yourself. Say uncomfortable things. Say “I don’t like it when you comment on my colleague’s hair” or point out the lack of diversity on your team “There are 5 white-passing folks and only one brown person. Hmm, why?” Use your words as best you can and then be humble when corrected on your language. Clearly state that you think your organization is racist or gendered or not inclusive. Call out ableism. Say it in front of your boss. Be emotional. Make it socially uncomfortable. Do it over and over again. Everyday. Risk your job even if you’ll lose it and you’ll be left with nothing - sacrifice is necessary. Make it obvious. Because we are all too complacent and… keeping the peace keeps the oppressive structures in place. 2. Actually make DEI a priority by funding it, hiring more staff, encouraging it at EVERY event, and making it a part of day-to-day operations (how you ask? Idk… why don’t you take the time to figure that out? Cancel meetings and meet about this instead. Scratch your heads and figure it out - it’s not an extracurricular, and it’s not easy. Do it for years! It should be a part of your job, no matter what your job is.). 3. Make real progress on DEI goals. DEI goals should be part of the business plan. Mandate it. Make the goals small and realistic so that they can actually get done. Follow whatever paradigm that will help (e.g., SMART goals). 4. Pay everyone involved. Fairly according to industry standards or whatever. More than just a livable wage, whatever that looks like in your area. This goes along with funding. Require DEI training, regularly. Make it mandatory. Make it so annoyingly part of the training and maintenance of your organization that people talk about it all the time. 5. Have a DEI presence at every level of your organization. Connect the presences. Clearly define any form of accountability metric. Then publicly and obnoxiously showcase those metrics, even if they don’t look good. Especially if they don’t look good. Awareness and “the work” requires us to acknowledge our failures and not just our successes. 6. Keep creating accountability metrics and then redefine them… constantly. Have people relearn what they need to keep track of. 7. Don’t sensationalize DEI. It’s not just an event. It just doesn’t happen when someone gets murdered. Integrate it within your work and your life. Some of us don’t have a choice but to be affected by the inequities of the world… then why do you or your organization have that choice? 8. Don’t be discouraged by a lack of progress. Don’t give up (I did give up because I was fatigued but there were no structures in place to help motivate me. And the people who cared enough to encourage me didn’t have the support either). Don’t give up like me, even if you’re a fatigued POC. And if you feel like you’re drowning and no one is listening, SCREAM. Protest. Figure out a way to get your voice heard.

That’s my call to action. What’s yours?