#like even ppl who complain about others doing this are guilty of it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

000marie198 · 7 months

Note

“Sickens me that people will just filter out specific tags and posts when we stop using trigger warnings-”

Bold of you to declare that more people should suffer because they’re missing a few posts that might trigger unhealthy coping mechanisms if seen. Deepened depression, panic-induced spirals, and traumatic flashbacks are worth it if they can find out that something else terrible happened to someone today.

Using guilt as a blade is not cool.

People block trigger warnings because they know they might be triggered. There’s a reason they exist. That is literally the whole reason that these tags exist. To warn people.

But, you gave your opinion on this already with your blatant, “Like actually fuck you and your mental health-” because it’s not really that important, right?

No you self entitled bastard it isn't

Not in the current scheme of things. Not when some of you are actively silent and trying to ignore what is happening to the point of missing most of the context and believing the exact agenda being fed to you.

Some thing are like actually bigger than you.

Also, I believe you missed the entire point of the original post and only picked specific lines so let me explain this properly. Trigger warnings are extremely important but when an entire populace got bombed and so many in the world turned a blind eye to it, those spreading the actual true news stopped hiding it behind such filters so some of you would actually look and see what's been happening and being ignored and a fact completely misunderstood due to propaganda. But since it all was so horrific, it would be censored either way. Cuz you know, ppl who'd been fed lies and propaganda all their lives tend to ignore words and suffering of the entire damn planet unless it involves themselves. So mentions (not images, mentions) of some things go uncensored. BECAUSE YOU CAN'T FUCKING CENSOR HORROR OF THIS MAGNITUDE!

But lo and behold I have ppl in my inbox complaining about their own needs and trying to turn around and guilt trip me while saying guilt is not a good weapon.

This isn't guilt, it's rage. Its sorrow and anger and pain and empathy and so much more coming out as rage.

Also, thanks so much for trying to derail the main point. I was talking about people filtering out tags such as "Palestine" and "Gaza" etc so they don't have to see any news

Personally I can't bring myself to watch some things either, it messes with my head too, and yes I do skip some of it. But it doesn't fucking mean I actively try to stay out of the loop by blocking the tags that aren't actually trigger warnings but just main tags related to the news. Just so you don't have to feel anything and don't feel guilt for being complicit by staying silent

I'm not using guilt as a blade. Guilt exists naturally whenever one does something wrong and knows it. If the guilt is unprompted by the words of others then you're doing something wrong and you know it. Blocking "Palestine" and "Gaza" made you feel guilty? That's bcoz you're at fault for ignoring it all. If seeing it brought you pain and you did nothing but ignore it and block it, never spoke up of it, never learned the background, you're the one in the wrong and your guilt is your own not induced by anyone, especially by those who are angry, who aren't even trying to guilt trip you in the first place.

Stop forcing people to take drastic measures when it comes to knowing the truth that those imperialistic opaque domes hide and maybe we'd actually respect your rules.

But none of us have to follow your rules when your humanity is dead

#selfish ppl really be broadcasting they care abt nothing but themselves #go figure #ask answered #anon ask #also if you come in my inbox qgain bitching abt how you're not doing all of this and whatnot & ur ask had nothing to do with current events #then actually fuck you even more. you came into my inbox without even knowing context & just started bitching #Palestinians are very kimd ppl and they constantly have to try to keep their own narrative and translations inoffensive #but idgaf about being nice #some of you don't deserve to be nice to. you're not above others #free palestine #free gaza #palestine

9 notes · View notes

my-castles-crumbling · 8 months

Note

hello hello,

sorry bc this is a bit long and I got a bit carried away

But basically all my life i thought my home life was super great but looking back on it, it was nice but some slightly (only slightly) questionable stuff [I want to clarify that it’s nothing physical but some of it was a little bit fucked up like I have one stand out memory but also I may have made it up bc idk sometimes I’m super sure it happened and sometimes I’m not] went down and now i notice more and more my parents making sexist/homophobic/transphobic jokes and offhand comments and then getting annoyed and yelling at me whenever I try and tell them they’re wrong. I also sort of noticed that they’re a bit too pushy and invasive of my privacy [especially my mother who loves to offload her problems onto me and has since I was pretty small and would just barge into my room at any time and tell me about them and I understand communication is important in families but I don’t think 9 is a good age for your mother to regularly be crying to you about how suicidal she feels but she always acted like it was a good thing so I assumed it was too idk] and it’s like half the time they treat me like I’m way younger than I am [late teen] and the other half of the time it’s like they expect me to be a mature adult and like I just want to be my actual age yk but I can’t and tbh I don’t even know how to go about doing that now bc I feel like I’ve sort of been stifled and the thing is I’m not sure how I should actually be feeling about the whole thing because I don’t think they’re actually really bad people [my parents] and I end up feeling guilty about the fact that I just don’t want to talk to them anymore [especially my mum] and like ik people who have way worse home lives than me and I feel like it’s being a bit selfish to complain bc sure they make problematic jokes but I don’t think they’d necessarily treat me worse if I came out [non-binary and pan] but also I don’t think they’d be that great about it like my brother came out as bi and they were like ok but then one time when he was away they were talking about ‘if he gets a girlfriend’ and I said ‘or a boyfriend bc he’s bi’ and they were like ‘yeah he’s bi but he’s only ever really shown interest in girls so we doubt he’s actually bi but I mean if he got a boyfriend we’d be fine with it’ and I was like on the one hand like it could be worse but it still didn’t sit right with me that they just casually assumed he was lying about it even tho he’d literally come out…

also I sort of don’t even want to come out atp to them I just want to sort of quietly cut ties or distance myself

so I sort of tried to do that [as much as I can yk being still a minor and living at home] but now I’ve got my mum not so subtly idk tryna guilt trip me. Like she’ll say shit about how I used to talk to her and now I never do and like there’s a fucking reason [I now actually have friends who I realised I feel way more comfortable around] but ok

Like a while back she came to my room and tried to do the usual complaining thing about how she’s v depressed and all and I tried to respectfully tell her she needs therapy and she got super upset with me and started crying and stormed out my room and then she came back later and tried again and I told her like as nicely as I could that I can’t handle this bc I am just a kid yk as nice as possible I cannot handle my shit let alone yours like my mental health is not great rn and like I want to be there for the ppl in my life not feeling good but also like she’s been doing this since I was pretty small and there’s literally no way I can really support her except spending more time with her maybe but then that’s bad for my mental health especially bc she’ll do offhand shit that she knows I don’t like [like I have sensory issues bc I’m neurodivergent and having a hand put on my shoulder for some reason I just ugh it’s the worst - and ever since she noticed that I would pull away she’s started doing it more and every time I pull away she makes jokes about how she must have ‘a disease or something’ and just UGH sorry it infuriates me]

so basically [sorry for the suuuper long ask] I’m not sure what the right thing to do is, like do I try and remedy the relationship with my parents [but especially my mum] or do I just sort of keep going like this till I’m at uni or what?

again sorry this is way too long

Hi love! First of all, I wanna give a TW to people reading:

TW: mentions of suicidal thoughts

Okay, I'm gonna take this one section at a time:

Okay chances are you're not making it up. Thinking you're making it up is a super common symptom of guilt trips and gaslighting. If you think it happened...it probably did.

went down and now i notice more and more my parents making sexist/homophobic/transphobic jokes and offhand comments and then getting annoyed and yelling at me whenever I try and tell them they’re wrong.

This is NOT okay of them. They're being disrespectful.

I also sort of noticed that they’re a bit too pushy and invasive of my privacy [especially my mother who loves to offload her problems onto me and has since I was pretty small and would just barge into my room at any time and tell me about them and I understand communication is important in families but I don’t think 9 is a good age for your mother to regularly be crying to you about how suicidal she feels but she always acted like it was a good thing so I assumed it was too idk]

Uhm hi hello hi. NO. No no no. This is NOT okay. Parents do NOT tell their children about their suicidal feelings. Absolutely not. This is a classic example of parentification. You, even as a teenager, are the CHILD. You are NOT responsible for your parents, and you should not feel any sort of pressure to help with their wellbeing. Nope.

and it’s like half the time they treat me like I’m way younger than I am [late teen] and the other half of the time it’s like they expect me to be a mature adult and like I just want to be my actual age yk but I can’t and tbh I don’t even know how to go about doing that now bc I feel like I’ve sort of been stifled and the thing is I’m not sure how I should actually be feeling about the whole thing

yup. parentification. You've been expected to take on the role of a parent when convenient and act like a child when convenient. this is not okay and you're absolutely right to feel weird and bad and resentful about it.

because I don’t think they’re actually really bad people [my parents]

And here's the thing: that can also be true. A lot of times, parents can both love you/be good people AND unintentionally be hurtful. But in a way, that can be even more difficult because like...how do you explain to someone who thinks they're not being hurtful that they ARE?

and I end up feeling guilty about the fact that I just don’t want to talk to them anymore [especially my mum] and like ik people who have way worse home lives than me and I feel like it’s being a bit selfish to complain bc sure they make problematic jokes but I don’t think they’d necessarily treat me worse if I came out [non-binary and pan] but also I don’t think they’d be that great about it like my brother came out as bi and they were like ok but then one time when he was away they were talking about ‘if he gets a girlfriend’ and I said ‘or a boyfriend bc he’s bi’ and they were like ‘yeah he’s bi but he’s only ever really shown interest in girls so we doubt he’s actually bi but I mean if he got a boyfriend we’d be fine with it’ and I was like on the one hand like it could be worse but it still didn’t sit right with me that they just casually assumed he was lying about it even tho he’d literally come out… also I sort of don’t even want to come out atp to them I just want to sort of quietly cut ties or distance myself so I sort of tried to do that [as much as I can yk being still a minor and living at home] but now I’ve got my mum not so subtly idk tryna guilt trip me. Like she’ll say shit about how I used to talk to her and now I never do and like there’s a fucking reason [I now actually have friends who I realised I feel way more comfortable around] but ok Like a while back she came to my room and tried to do the usual complaining thing about how she’s v depressed and all and I tried to respectfully tell her she needs therapy and she got super upset with me and started crying and stormed out my room and then she came back later and tried again and I told her like as nicely as I could that I can’t handle this bc I am just a kid yk as nice as possible I cannot handle my shit let alone yours like my mental health is not great rn and like I want to be there for the ppl in my life not feeling good but also like she’s been doing this since I was pretty small and there’s literally no way I can really support her except spending more time with her maybe but then that’s bad for my mental health especially bc she’ll do offhand shit that she knows I don’t like [like I have sensory issues bc I’m neurodivergent and having a hand put on my shoulder for some reason I just ugh it’s the worst - and ever since she noticed that I would pull away she’s started doing it more and every time I pull away she makes jokes about how she must have ‘a disease or something’ and just UGH sorry it infuriates me]

This is what I'm saying: it's super difficult to convince someone they're being hurtful when they truly think they aren't. Trust me, my mother is the same way. But you aren't wrong for wanting to distance yourself. Also, don't compare yourself to other people. You have a DIFFERENT home life, not necessarily a better or worse one.

Don't be sorry! I guess the first thing I'd say is, all of your feelings are valid, and this sounds super difficult. I'm sorry you have to go through it <3. Here's the thing: You are right. There are some things going on in your house that aren't okay. But the reality is, your mom doesn't seem to be willing to hear your opinion about changing them. SO, where do you go from here?

I think the two major things I've had to learn with my (very similar) mother is:

Set boundaries and stick to them. If she's dumping on you and you can't handle it, tell her it's not okay. Keep politely telling her this. There is NOTHING WRONG with doing this, even if she tells you otherwise.

Take what you can get, but don't get your hopes up. Does she want to take you out to lunch? Great. She wants to hang out after school? Awesome. But don't...rely on her to be more than she is.

If you're able to do these two things in a healthy way, this might be your best bet until you turn of age and you're able to reevaluate if you want a long-term relationship or not. But honestly, if you're financially dependent on her, separating from her completely might not be the best idea if you are safe.

The ONLY thing that makes me nervous about this whole situation is your mention of your mom's suicidal thoughts, so I'll leave you with this:

if your mom is scaring you with the way she is talking, call the authorities. You are a minor, and you should NEVER have to deal with that on your own.

No matter what happens, no matter WHAT your mom does, no matter what you do or don't say/do or don't do, your mother's decisions are her own. Nothing she does is your fault.

If you feel comfortable, please DM me! I'm being genuine when I say our moms sound similar, and I would love to talk more <3

P.s. I just want to say that, you are SO smart, as a teenager, to realize that this behavior is not okay. Good for you <3

#ask #asks #ask cas #tw sui ideation

9 notes · View notes

doomed-era · 11 months

Note

psssst. you dont have to answer this however! hcs…… shaking a jar like a victorian news child. spare hcs….. . either of the champions or just general Things. you could even make it about among us if you wanted. botw among us

BOTW AMONG US...that would be funny. link would make a terrible imposter bc half the ppl there would immediately assume it was him (he's too stoic for his own good) he immediately gets punted out of the spaceship whenever he's even remotely near a dead body. otherwise he's just screwing around. often is the first to die as well since he wanders off by himself. i don't feel sorry for him he's got better things to do. like dissociate

revali...50/50 shot he'll be discovered. he's very good at making an alibi, almost TOO good, but in most rounds he'll be very consistent about saying where he was and what he was doing, what he saw other people doing, etc, with great accuracy, and when he does lie he tries to make it plausible--and he's good at it. shockingly good for someone who prides themselves on their honesty. he laughs whenever anyone else gets ejected and mipha accuses him of taking the game too seriously.

daruk got imposter for several rounds and literally no one suspected him. he grumbled about tech issues and kept asking about how to use the controls for various minigames so he got written off as not dangerous </3 however people eventually caught on that he can't lie for the life of him and once his alibi was gone his tells became very obvious (he often grunts or grins when he's guilty)

zelda is awful at being the imposter specifically--not only does she have obvious tells but she cannot make a proper alibi DESPITE being able to accurately detail what she's doing even more minutely than revali. she also just stammers a lot and might just admit she's the imposter to finish the game because she knows she's bad at it. when she's a regular crewmate she is often the last to die, since she tends to stick around someone (usually mipha). if she does get ejected it's due to the wild accusations that she tends to make

speaking of mipha. she is a beast at this game. not only is she good at lying, she's only gotten to be the imposter a few times, AND everyone is put off-guard by her usually sweet nature. whenever she's the imposter she wins. she killed zelda in cold blood when she was following her around during one game and zelda was VERY upset. revali was the only one who suspected her at all and of course no one believed him smh. after she won her first game as the imposter she gave everyone a little smile and said she regretted nothing

urbosa was a good impostor for a few rounds until people started noticing that she had a very specific kill order preference for some reason, and rarely kills link or zelda until there's no one left (link being the obvious tell here, since he tends to get killed first). when she won she laughed all evil-like and she looked really nervous when mipha said revali was taking the game too seriously. she does have some issues with the controls and has trouble with a few of the minigames but doesn't complain about them she just gets mad and curses her hypothetical gaming device(tm)

#that was weirdly fun...#gives you a good idea of my hcs for their social dynamic as well hehe!!#botw #asks #golden blood on his hands #might as well tag it as that since that is what i use those hcs for sighs #there's some 'hidden' hcs in there like revali being the most honest of the group #and zelda and mipha being besties #revali and mipha are the champions ive thought about most since i've written them more than the others #(as in i havent written urbosa or daruk at all. and its SAD)

10 notes · View notes

j2zara · 2 months

Note

what if. j2 j3 and j4 all had uniquely terrible days due to a chain of events. j4 had to interact w porter for an extended period of time because j3 was busy helping jace (and jace spent the whole time yelling at j3 because. well. j3 is jace's least favorite.) because j2 could not get out of bed bc he was so miserable after his night being the jaceporter third. and theyre all so rattled and miserable that theyre like. should we fuck. it probably wont make it better but surely it cant make it worse

god j4 having to interact w/ Porter for an extended period of time b/c the other two are out of commission... her NIGHTMARE SCENARIO...

also i love that combined w/ my kinda Off Day im laughing bc im like i love that this is where ur heads at and i won't complain... so real tho like fucking won't fix the problem but it definitely wont make it WORSE.. something something its a bold strategy cotton lets see if they pull it off...

Just looking at this and this rly is the toxic cocktail day huh. And J2 doesn't even really get why he feels so miserable b/c he should be happy about this, right? He got what he wanted which was more than the other clones get. I do think even tho J3 had a bad fuckin day and he's typically kinda bad at taking initiative and his solution to literally everything in the world is like strip b/c its time to fuck or die, I do think he comes home and sees how miserable J2 is after he's done kinda snapping at him for sitting around and how he had to pick up the slack he's like oh. He's like. Really not on it today. In instead of his go to response being a little freak he just kinda holds J2 for a little while and it's really nice and it does make j2 feel better. It kinda surprises everyone that J3 knows how to pull out a massage for him while J2 just kinda lays there n groans (n tries to be normal abt it but honestly. Is maybe kinda turned on) n its like hey what i can put the work in sometimes.

and it's rly with no ulterior motive at all (b/c when j3 proposes other ppl take shit out on him he almost always does want to get something out of it too) when J3's like hey if you feel bad you can take it out on me. Its like. the only thing he knows so that's what he suggests. (and he literally he just got a fraction of what J2 gets on the regular so like he does feel bad. Jace is nastier to j3 than j2, like jace can be nice to j2 on occasion but he also doesn't deal w/ j3 as much so he is kinda spared from a lot of that). But he does try to make a joke abt it b/c that's what he always does like he's the one who can't keep it in his pants like. Do whatever you want to me I'll take it. Honestly it'll just turn me on. (N j2 doesn't really wanna take anything out on j3 but i do think a handy would get him out of his head a bit. And J3 is just excited to servicing someone else bc that means he doesn't have to think abt his own problems. who said that)

I know this is more of a like. Everyone Together situation (hello still thinking abt the j3 sandwich). and i DO think that happens n J3 is like REALLY excited bc it bc like he's in a bad fucking mood too and nobody rly acknowledges that he ends up being the bedrock in these situations like yes J2 takes on so much n j3 feels guilty he's not picking up the slack but j3 does end up kinda being the shoulder for everyone n its like. Damn i want something out to this too, i want out of my head too. So yeah the j3 sanwich is very exciting for him

But. This is such an indulgence on my part. i do legit think J4 dealing w/ Porter is her fucking limit in that. She kinda comes in slamming the door and J3 is expecting the worst from her (in a way that kinda excites him) n to his surprise she just kinda grabs him n starts taking off his shirt and pushes him against the wall n starts making out w him and is like no we're literally doing this right the FUCK now b/c i've had a long day. As is the fantasy high staple... she's getting her kisses in. And his brain is short circuiting b/c this is the first time she's ever initiated something with him without him being the whiny bored one like his weird like i definitely want you to fuck me but also im gonna be extremely coy abt what i want routine that drives her crazy but she usually caves to. Like holy fuck j4 is the one to initiate this time its not like i've been shaking over this n hoping this would happen and he doesn't know if its the day she had or if its him but he'll take it he doesn't care. After the day he had he deserves this too doesn't he?

#sorry we love subjecting j3 to the torment nexus even on a good day #imo this is a good time but maybe my view on that is skewed #jan.ask #4 jaces incident #nsft

6 notes · View notes

laggingbehindreality · 5 months

Note

🔥 gg, if you want more specifics, perhaps the bald doctor..

I think I've already said this before but i sometimes see people complaining about the majority of robovenom content being too mushy and sweet and out of character and I cannot understand it. Like, I've seen a lot of darker content about Venom's trauma and I've seen more than a little meme content about roboky being his infamous pathetic misogynist self from Accent Core. It's really not hard to find if you look in the right places.

And even then, my knee jerk response will always be make your own content. I understand people don't always have the time or energy but I really encourage making the stuff you want to see! Or commissioning it! Or requesting from someone who has requests open! I can see the value in venting from time to time but like,,,,

there was this one anon on the guilty gear confessions blog who was giving the same old complaint about too much 'yaoified robovenom' and i could feel the burnout in my ribs, I felt like nothing I was doing was worth making, let alone even posting. Then, some other anon was like, 'hey shoutout to ppl who make robovenom stuff you're doing great' and I just. I realised that I was so tired because I was trying to placate the negative comments (not even the people posting them!!) instead of making the art I wanted to see, and I was never going to win and I wasn't going to be happy.

If I'm not making robovenom content that appeals to you (or any content at all) PLEASE MAKE YOUR OWN. I am not being negative here, PLEASE MAKE THE ART YOU WANT TO SEE!! I want to see it too! Tag me in it, if you want! Please just, some other way of approaching this grievance. Please.

#laggspeaks #gg

2 notes · View notes

sketching-shark · 1 year

Note

Is it just me, but mk being the “chaos incarnate” frels out of place???

Like of all characters he gets to called that? Seriously?!

Like not even sun wukong the og anomaly in the entire existence of all celestial bodies combined who caused chaos in his wake before mk existence—and doesnt get that title??

It feels so much like lore Olympus except without the weird things that it has.

I feel so guilty but so much of the writer decision makes me hate mk existence especially w portrayal of his powers.(i was the same anon that went off about the portrayal of cultivation in lmk)

So many ppl stated it was there in the beginning but i just thought he was going to be the third celestial monkey not another stone monkey. I just dont think it was a good decision to have mk specifically be a stone monkey considering the questionability of swk involvement.

Plus it make mk be the “chosen one” status that take away who he was at the beginning. Im starting to think we should have not gotten a s4 bc of the headache it gives me.

Monkie Kid spoilers and general complaining below, so remember that "don't like don't read" goes both ways & feel free to skip.

Hmmm yeah I can see where you're coming from anon, although for me it goes a bit deeper in that I'm feeling pretty peeved that Flying Bark seems to be more and more leaning into the "uwu stupid chaos monkey" characterization for Sun Wukong. Like yeah yeah I know people balk at the mention of Journey to the West when it comes to Monkie Kid, and on a certain level I understand the changes since this is after all a cartoon for children, but one of the things that I love about og classic Sun Wukong that a lot of retellings including Monkie Kid just flat-out won't work with is the way that a lot--perhaps even the majority--of his acts of violence are very deliberate and even done for understandable reasons. Even the havoc in heaven, which seems to be the thing many people point to as an example of the Monkey King's chaotic nature, comes right after he spent almost fifty days roasting in the Eight Trigram Furnace and for him soon after being captured by a heaven that he refused to go to war with until the deities were literally breaking down his door and saying unless he surrendered for ruining one(1) festival and stealing immortality-granting treats then they were going to slaughter his entire family. So you can definitely see why, especially given Sun Wukong's awareness of his own power, he'd decide his conflict with heaven would only end, that he'd finally get respect from everyone and his family would finally be safe from everything, if he deposed the Jade Emperor and made himself the ruler of heaven. Obviously this backfires catastrophically thanks to the Buddha, but you can definitely see how this is less a case of Sun Wukong doing things because he's a chaotic monkey who loves to break stuff for shits and giggles and more because he's a ruthless warlord who cares about a select few & lives in a world where many others in positions of power act like ruthless warlords as well. It can't be forgotten, after all, that even the beloved Tang emperor is also specifically said to be someone who had countless people killed while he was forging his empire!

But going then to the massive rewrite of Xiyouji inherent in Monkie Kid, the whole "chaos!" thing just feels like yet another way for Sun Wukong & it seems MK by extension to be handed a massive L in terms of what their stories are. Like Flying Bark radically changed the havoc in heaven from SWK raging through the heavenly palace as part of a (gasp!) understandable wartime power struggle to him just stealing a bunch of stuff for himself before him & his former bros attack heaven, rather than heaven attacking them, which Macaque told him not to do but he did anyway because he was just that much of a uwu chaos monkey/thoughtless a-hole. And while I actually do like the idea of the stone SWK came from regenerating and creating even more stone monkeys, the way things have been set up it does seem to be working as another example of how Flying Bark keeps making SWK worse to make MK better in comparison, as well as likely lying the grounds for a massive confrontation between the two because yeah with his truth-seeing eyes how tf did SWK NOT know that MK was someone like him. As is, you can add that to the ever-growing pile of questions that FB refuses to answer, such as what exactly happened to the og pilgrims, why did SWK & the Demon Bull King have their battle, what happened between SWK and LEMH, why are LEMH & the Demon Bull King suddenly okay with SWK when he's the guy who they pretty clearly thought ruined their lives, how did MK go this long thinking he was just some guy instead of an ultra-powerful and destructive stone monkey, why did SWK exile himself for so long, why did the Monkey King even take on a tudi in the first place, if he did know MK was a stone monkey why didn't he say anything, etc. etc. etc. And yeah yeah I know the nature of storytelling is that information isn't revealed all the way at once, but it's been 4 entire seasons of just piling on the questions with the added bonus of everyone screaming about how much SWK sucks & is going to destroy everything (& the plot going out of it's way to prove that sentiment somewhat correct lol) so that now it feels a lot more like mystery mongering than revealing information in good time. Honestly it does put MK in this pretty sucky position too of both getting brutalized and traumatized over and over again specifically because of his connection to SWK, but also being used as this cudgel in the story to further beat in what a cringefail loser SWK is. Which is another thing that sucks, because MK is at his core a genuinely delightful and good-hearted protagonist. idk, kind of feels like he was meant to be the main character in a light-hearted show about doing your best & going on sillytime adventures with the Monkey King and is now forced to be the protagonist in an increasingly grimdark show where he routinely has to deal with the potential end of the entire world all while getting screamed at for inevitably being just as destructive as his terrible mentor :(

#anon answered #monkey critical

10 notes · View notes

randxmthxughts · 1 year

Note

I really don't like tiktok as they always tend to drag ppl in the avatar fandom when it comes to aging up characters (even though the avatar characters are na'vis and they mature faster/reach adulthood at a faster age). also, not to mention the fact that when I first saw neteyam, I literally thought he was like 18/19??? He just doesn't look like a little kid, at all.

Also, you know it's a fact that the avatar characters already know of such topics like when lo'ak was like "who do you think knocked her up" and both spider and kiri knew what they were talking about. It's not like we're aging up Tuk, that would be very wrong for obvious reasons.

On top of that, how tf are all of those tiktokers gonna react when the rest of the avatar chracaters reach adulthood in the other films. Is it still gonna be "bad?" That literally means they will get aged up in the films, so what different is it then someone aging them up in their writing, jfc??

I hate tiktok, it's toxic, always has been, and always will be. As an avatar fan/ smut writer, I don't even use tiktok and just decided to get off of it or else drama will just happen, or I'll see some unnecessary drama and it's all just very tiring.

Plus not to mention the fact that if you happen to post something about smut, it's very open and there are lots of minors on it and they're the ones complaining about the content even though they don't respect the 18+ warning on the videos or accounts lol.

i get that, with avatar tiktok i only try to look at edits and those 'details you may not have noticed' vids. the fans making videos of themselves and poking fun at other avatar creators gives me such an icky feeling

i also find it amusing how the same people who call fandom p3dos end up making these edits of lo'ak that are clearly romanticizing him as a love interest? is there a line that they're also crossing? are they hypocrites?

it's such a weird topic, and the overall attitude is very confusing. are we going to cancel all of the published authors in their 30's who write young adult fiction books? what about directors who make movies about teenagers? is greta gerwig cancellable p3do because ladybird had a sex scene?

idk you guys tell me, all i can say is that once in a while i see that stuff and i feel guilty about it, and i'm not sure how to deal with it

#askbox

7 notes · View notes

destinyc1020 · 1 year

Note

Tom and Zendaya are considered star power. Was listening to a podcast where people were complaining that the Oscars, really did not have the star power that they used to. But also, that young Hollywood (the under 30 crowd) was not represented. Then they specifically said the if Zendaya and Tom Holland were there that a younger audience would likely tune in just to watch them. Just like whenever Zendaya is expected to walk the red carpet, people will tune in just to see what she was wearing.

Well Anon, I think that there are many things going on.

First of all, celebrities attend the Oscars based on whether their films are nominated, and if they're asked to present.

I'm not sure what "Star Power" people are looking for at these Oscar events these days lol, but thanks to the influence of social media, reality TV, influencers, etc the whole "celebrity world"influences, compared to how it was in years past.

The OG A-List celebrities are getting older (let's admit it), and even the TYPES of films that are even nominated for serious category/acting awards has changed dilettante somewhat over the years as well. Some even complain that they haven't even seen half the films nominated rofl 🤣

I also feel like awards shows just in general across the board are not being watched as much as they were in years past. But I don't think this has anything to do with WHO'S in attendance. I just think society has changed. 🤷🏾‍♀️

There's also WAY more on TV these days (ie. Streaming). So while back in the day, some awards shows were the most interesting thing on TV, now ppl have TV on demand and can watch whatever they want, WHEN they want it. 🤷🏾‍♀️

I'm sorry, but Zendaya attended the Oscars in 2022 AND 2021, and the show STILL had some of the lowest number of viewers EVER. 😅 👀

It's NOT about who's attending (or even presenting) imo. Awards shows in general are struggling, and I can actually forsee them just doing away with them altogether one day if the viewership doesn't improve. 👀

Some ppl have just gotten tired of celebrity "culture" just in general, others feel award shows are too "political" (which, in a way they are 👀), and others are just bored and don't wanna watch a 3-hr awards show. 🤷🏾‍♀️

I'm a millennial, so I grew up watching awards shows, so watching them will probably always be one of my favorite past-times and guilty pleasures lol 😆 (even if just for the nostalgia) But I can understand why some might not care for them....

14 notes · View notes

pandoratheprocrasticreator · 2 years

Note

4 and 19 for the salty ask game

you didn't specify a fandom but im pretty sure you followed me for owl house stuff so i will assume you meant the owl house fandom.

4. Do you have a NoTP in your fandom? Are they a popular OTP?*

lmao if youve followed me for any time at all you would know i fucking hate the huntlow ship. huntlow ship my beloathed <3< <3< <3< :333 at least how 90% of the fandom portrays them. ppl will see a white angsty boy and immediately find the one shippable girl and file down all her character and make her his emotional support decoration.

to be clear, huntlow in the actual show is fine. i don't think them getting together would add anything to their character arcs, and since the show is running on a tight schedule i think they should have just cut that subplot out. i think there are ways to make them interesting but the show doesn't have any time to do that. there's barely anything substantial about the ship in canon anyway so i think it's fine. it's ignorable if you dislike it and its enough to extrapolate into a funny post canon ship if you do. my opinion on huntlow in the show is like my opinion on gustholomule. it's fun to consider but it's obviously not important to the story i actually care about.

but the shippers??? hoooo the shippers. first of all while i don't like to think about most fandom stuff from the stance of representation it's really important that owl house is like. THE gay cartoon rn. the creator had to fight tooth and nail and write around a bunch of stuff to get queer couples on air and make the fandom more receptive to it outside of a fetishistic thing or a "cute background couple that everyone acknowledges is canon but no one actually explores" thing. and then the moment a blond boy looks at a girl everyone explodes. im not calling ppl bigoted for shipping it bc i dont know the exact reasons every single huntlow shipper likes the ship but the fact that they also try to use rep to justify it? even though 90% of them didn't give a shit about the non white boy half of the ship before the ship became a thing? not a great look for the average huntlow fan lmao.

also the mischaracterization of both characters, especially willow, is super annoying. it shouldn't be a hot take but characterizing willow to be a brute that tries to beat up everyone who looks at her wrong? and indicating that hunter, a survivor of child abuse, is attracted to her because of this? uhhhhh don't like that! its one thing to portray this and explore why its bad but that sure isn't what 90% of the shippers do! youre allowed to depict any dynamic you want but im allowed to say that depiction sucks shit! same with making willow to be either a 50s housewife or a manic pixie dream girl she isn't any of that? literally just make a self insert to ship hunter with if you want his ya love interest ass so bad.

anyway ive complained more about the huntlow ship and its place in fandom here, here, here, here, here, and here, among others. a lot of my points are in the tags lmao. that isn't to say all huntlow shippers are annoying some of them make genuinely good content thats in character for both of them! but the shipping community is. bad. and i already didn't care for the ship anyway so they haven't made my opinion better. it was a mistake for the show to put hunter's conventionally attractive angsty ass into a shippable position lmao.

19. What is the one thing you hate most about your fandom?

I think part of this phenomenon is because the fandom skews younger since at the end of the day toh is a disney show rated for kids. but there's a phenomenon ive seen with a lot of young skewing fandoms where fans assume just because the thing they like is diverse, that automatically exempts them from being bigoted or even having implicite biases. like "i cant be racist my friend is black!" but it's with fandoms so they have even less of a leg to stand on. ive been guilty of that too in the past and im trying to examine my biases both in fandom and more importantly in real life.

the fandom has a serious favouritism towards the white and/or male characters. just look at the disparity of opinions on the blight parents, even before clouds on the horizon. or even better, before s2 when all we had on them was just a background shot in lilith's flashback. people were already portraying odalia as a catty evil woman and alador as his uwu tortured husband whos scared of her, before we even knew their names.

same goes for other female villains compared to the male ones. all the villains are different so there isn't a one to one comparison but generally, the reactions to villains like darius (right after his first appearance in edas requiem) and graye were a lot more nuanced. most people who talked about them were trying to write meta about them or finding them sexy or thinking about a redemption arc.

and compared to female villains like terra or kikimora? i am serious about this they were objectively more compelling villains than darius or graye in their debut, if you discount kiki's minor appearances in s1 and just look at hunting palismen, her first episode as a major villain. and yet most people talking about terra and kiki after the fact were just calling them bitches or other more sexist stuff i won't say. and being mad at them for...doing bad things to the protagonists? bc they're villains? i get the lack of thirsting but no serious meta? ive grumped about it here. also i wasn't in the fandom during the week between agony of a witch and young blood old souls where everyone wanted lilith's head on a stick but from what ive heard? yyyyeah i don't think they were just mad at her for being a villain.

same thing with the white characters people always give so much more focus on the white characters compared to the poc. luz had a bunch of angst like amity in season 1 but 99% of lumity content focused entirely on amity angst. the hyperfocus on hunter is something to note too. i get that fans love angsty characters. i do too. but him being a white boy definitely didn't hurt his popularity lmao.

its a problem in the show too so not all the blame falls on fans. the show focuses on majority white characters as well. even though the show is very racially diverse, luz's most important relationships except her mom are eda, amity, and hunter, and gus and willow are pushed to the side. same thing with their portrayal of some female characters i love what they did with terra and kiki but their portrayal of odalia...oof. i've grumped about that here.

but yeah if you point this out a lot of fans get uncomfortable or even angry at you for accusing them of, in their eyes, being a Bad Person who likes Bad Things and have Bad Thoughts. so they argue back that there's no definitive proof that any biases are happening on a personal basis. and yeah i can't prove beyond a reasonable doubt in a court of law that you're actually secretly racist or sexist but if you just look at general trends in the fandom? the bias is there. it's not a problem of individual people it's a problem of fandom culture.

anyway i don't want to say fans who do this are bad people because judging by the ages of some fans toh might be baby's first fandom for some of these kids. they haven't had enough life experience to really examine their biases or even determine their principles. it would be mean to condemn kids for having biases, especially since i also did that at their age and i'm still trying to deconstruct my biases now. these kids need to learn about nuance in media and also that fandom is not activism, but it's not my job to teach them this. this is annoying but it's a reasonable price for being in fandom. especially a fandom for a show targeted at kids.

#ask pandora #shut up pandora #toh #the owl house #triple--a-threat #tackling all the hard questions today are we #thanks for the ask!

7 notes · View notes

txxfiles · 5 months

Text

hello?

I don't know what to write about this month! so I’m just going to stream of consciousness and see where we go.

I was going to write about my holiday but I started a travel journal and did like 2 days and then was so exhausted every night that I didn’t do it! It was an amazing holiday tho, like once in a lifetime sorta shit. it was a bit hit and miss if we would even go but we did and it was wonderful and I appreciated having so much time with my brother as I miss him. It was so full on tho like it was a group tour thing and it was like go go go and we walked 20 thousand steps one day bc my brother and I were like ‘Yeah sure we’ll climb that mountain with u no stress’ and then basically got lapped by the American women over 60 who came with us lmao. I was so careful as well with putting on suncream and shit and I STILL got burnt!!! the curse of being so fair burdens me every day. I am mostly nicely tanned and the redness has gone down so we chill but it’s so funny bc everyone else in my family is so nicely tanned and then there's a tomato girl walking around with them. my freckles have come back tho so that's nice.

it gave me a lot of time with my thoughts tho, which I hate. Also being forced to spend that much time with my parents is always interesting. the other people in our group were telling them how good of a job they did raising myself and my brother which always makes me feel weird. I don’t think the good parts of my personality have come from my parents, I often value all the bad things about it to them which may seem harsh but my instinctual politeness and willingness to help wasnt fostered by them teaching it to me, it came from fear of getting yelled at if i wasn't this way and getting in trouble for doing anything other than cutting myself in half to do what was asked of me. I hate the person I become when I spend so much time with them as well like I become so angry and snappy and my tolerance for shit just plummets and I come home and it’s like a wave of relief because I feel so much calmer instantly. And then the next minute I feel awful for not seeing them very often and like guilty for having my own life and actually enjoying not seeing them very often. My mother makes a point of talking about not seeing me and missing me and I struggle to wrap my head around the idea of them missing me because when I see them they don’t talk to me! they don’t ask me shit they just take it in turns complaining about the other to me and I’m sat in the middle with my head in my hands wanting to die! I told them both at separate points that I wasn't getting involved and then got the silent treatment and I was just soooooo doneeeeeeee. I’m so grateful I could go on the trip and the highlights totally outweigh the bad bits but it’s hard to remember the good parts when the last 4 days were spent in a state of tension and arguments that I couldn't walk away from because there was nowhere to go! it’s like a constant battle of being grateful and then being annoyed over and over again and I don’t know how to deal with it so I just don’t!

Going away with your family at my age is weird as well. my brother and I look very young so everyone else in the group very much assumed we were younger than we are which was funny and I guess a blessing. no shame in it but one of the other ppl in our group wasn't much older than me and she’s married with a house and a stable job and I just sat there like ahahahahahaaaaaaaaa. I know it’s bad to compare yourself to others and I’ve gotten better at not doing it but in situations like that, it’s hard. I said last time how I feel like I’m behind everyone and that's still stuck. I’m not doing bad per se but I’m not really making any money and I’m no closer to starting the career I want and that’s not for lack of trying like I keeeeeep applying for jobs and getting turned down on no response at all and it hurts. I worked so hard for my degree and some days it feels like it was for nothing. I know something will come up soon but the waiting is slowly killing me.

I didn’t smoke the entire holiday either as I couldn’t because my parents don’t need another reason to be disappointed in me and now I’m back in the UK I can’t afford to buy any cigs but GOD DO I WANT SOME PLEASE. I know it’s bad for u and shit but I just want a little treat. I didn’t miss it when I was away and because I literally couldn't get any it didn’t even really cross my mind bc I was so busy but now I’m back and the corner shop is 5 minutes away i’m like uwu yes pls gimme the lil death stick. I think that's one of my biggest issues, if something is within my reach I literally cannot deny myself it. goes for food, people, drinks whatever, if I can get it I’ll have it even if it’s not a sensible thing to do within the budget I have. I think it stems from my childhood but I’m not getting into that right now.

In other news, I’m actually having a birthday party for the first time since I was a kid!!! wooo!!! hopefully, I won’t cry this birthday other than from happiness!!!! everyone I’ve asked is well keen as well so I was like yay amazing! and then one of my mates whom my relationship with is so complicated I wouldn’t even know where to start was like ‘Yeah sure I’ll come’ and I was like fab ok and then the NEXT TIME he messaged me he was like ‘oh it’s the FOOTBALL FINAL SO I DON’T KNOW IF I CAN COME’?????????????? HELLO???????????? I’m honestly fuming. I get it, your team might not get to the final again fine whatever but the matches are like in the afternoon so u could still come after???? oh my apologies for thinking I, your friend or whatever whom you have been through an insane amount of shit with, might be A BIT MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE FUCKING FOOTBALL???? I hate men oh my god I’m actually mad and maybe that's selfish but what the fuck. I’m currently leaving him on delivered because I’m not about to start shit between us for the millionth time but considering the conversation we had about new years and how he had fomo you would think he’d wanna come but no. If he does end up changing his mind I’m so tempted to be like ‘nah don’t bother’ but that goes against every single particle of my being so WE’LL SEE. if he tries anything imma whack him (probably) but regardless, it should be fun and it’ll be nice to see all my friends in one place and shit. I’m very nervous about it bc I’m convinced no one will come but everyone I’ve asked has been enthusiastic so hopefully, it goes well. hopefully. I don’t want another birthday where I end up feeling upset or like a burden or whatever. thinking about it reminded me of one birthday I had where my so-called friend made out with the guy I liked when we were in the cinema knowing full well I liked him. good vibes!!!

anyway, that’s me! once again not particularly positive but I’ve realised I use this as a way to get things off my chest I’m not sure how to properly talk about in person. which I think is kinda the point of this anyway. but regardless, I’m tanned and travelled and back to the grind like the alpha male I am.

peace out homies

eucalyptus ᡣ • . • 𐭩 ♡

0 notes

corvidclub · 6 months

Text

The Bear music hcs

Carmy: does not have a music taste. he's rarely shown in the show as listening to music diegetically like Syd or Richie and I chose to believe this is another aspect of his lack of identity outside the kitchen. I think he enjoys individual songs that he associates with his siblings or happens to hear around him but he never goes the extra step of listening during his free time. Because of this, his constant dissociation, and the fact that he never went to parties he missed out on a lot of pop music. So there's a lot of moments where a song will be playing and Carmy will be like 'what is this?' and everyone will look at him crazy because it's like...Lady Gaga or something. Syd sends him some calming instrumental playlists and he's like mindblown that they actually somewhat work.

Sydney: a lot of instrumentals like jazz, ambient, and movie soundtracks. ik a lot of ppl won't like 'syd' and 'lesbian' mentioned in the same sentence but I imagine her music taste as very lesbian in the sense that she listens almost exclusively to female singer-songwriters particularly older ones that her feminist mom listened to like Tracy Chapman. I imagine she went through a phase in middle/high school where she was really into 1D or a kpop bg and that band are the only men on her phone. Her playlists are very chill with a lot of r&b, neo-soul, folk, with the occasional hip hop or indie rock song.

Richie: I think Richie's taste is closest to the actual show soundtrack a lot of dad or alternative rock that was popular in the 80s and 90s. A lot of Chicago artists. Also a lot of movie soundtracks bc I imagine him and Syd as the resident film enjoyers. I think Richie is actually the most "cultured" of the cast in the sense that he actually tries to keep up with what's popular even if it's just to complain about it so he'll listen to whatever the Grammy nominees are or to a popular artists new album if its getting a lot of press. His conversations about music with other characters generally have a lot of 'how have you NEVER listened to x do you live under a rock??' I also hc his family as being originally from the south so I think he has a few guilty pleasure country songs that he listens to.

Marcus: Hip-hip (dare I say Tyler the Creator?), anime openings, and some girly pop songs. #dudesrock

Tina: We've already seen that she likes classic spanish ballads and I think her music taste is pretty similar to that, but I also think she's a Cool Mom who tries to listen to what Louie likes so she'll sometimes be humming Bad Bunny or Rauw during service.

Mikey: I think his taste was very similar to Richie but I think he listened to a lot more hip-hop. He was exactly the type of suburban white kid to get into gangster rap in the 90s to piss of his mom. He probably picked Carmy up from Kindergarten blasting N.W.A. Bragged a lot about being an early Kanye fan (because Chicago) and Eminem fan (because white).

Natalie: It'd be easy to say to that her taste is basic based on her appearance and her being the "normal one" but that just how she had to present to survive her home life and her music I think reflects all her pent-up rage. She went through a punk/emo/goth etc. phase unbeknownst to any of her family bc she would still dress how Donna wanted her to but just listen to the music. I imagine her riding in the car with Richie playing MCR and he's like "I thought you'd listen to pop music" and her rolling her eyes and saying "mcr is pop music" and he is suddenly very intimidated. Basically I picture her having a version of the Jeff papa roach scene from Yellowjackets everytime she leaves work.

Pete: Again it'd be easy to assume he's basic bc he's a dorky white guy but in my mind he's exactly the type of unassuming dorky white guy who is obsessed with music. He knows all the albums that Fantano rated 10 and has thoughts on them. He and Nat slept together for the first time after he invited her to his dorm room to listen to the new Nine Inch Nails album. He secretly judges Richie for being basic.

#the bear #m.text

1 note · View note

diaryfullofsparklesandkisses · 2 years

Text

The other thing is like, if I ever actually did something with art or music like got lucky and was a person who did that, I think I would feel so weird and guilty? I felt guilty doing that and failing at it. But being randomly succesful, how do u not feel horrible for all the people who are doing amazing work who get no positive reinforcement or money or play, like unluckyness, that totally happens so much more often than not.. It's like maybe to the outside world, creatives get their place because it's somewhat guaranteed, and they earned their way there by being good or the best or very unique etc. And those factors can come into play with success, but I swear it's so much luck, and ppl in powerful positions seeing u as a sellable opportunity they can use to make money on their end.. working for yourself and only promoting yourself is so nuts too, like u need to be put on by those people/magazines/labels/organizations/whatever, most times. But idk if being a career creative person would feel correct, even if I was only doing my work and not bending it to sell better, which I haaaate doing ew. It's kind of a thing where if we're all not making it I don't want to alone, or with the other lucky ones, it feels weird or selfish. Maybe I couldn't complain if it happened to me, and part of me wishes it would because that feels like my purpose in life. But maybe life is about knowing your purpose and not being able to fulfill it, maybe that's part of the hellscape. Actually yeah it super feels like it hahaha nice one. God ppl will say oh well ur purpose is just different from what u thought, and thats cool and can mentally work. But fr when u have something u do super uniquely and can bring comfort to those around u, that seems better to work on than grinding away until retirement age. The first used to feel like it was in sight it's so wild to think about. Now all that's in sight is working "low level" jobs full time, that's my calling. Again, serving non profits I like is my given calling. But cmoonnnn I do have specific talents I've practiced and can offer unique and cool creative things to society but instead I will clean toilets and floors. That is what I deserve possibly. I don't think I'm above doing low level things. Tho it does feel like I've completely failed and/or done something bad to inherit such a fate. But it's a completely normal thing for ppl in society to have as a reality, I know all this but it is kind of a drag. Technically I have a BA in fine arts lmao, that was probably really unintelligent to do. Idk, I deserve nothing. I think society promised me I could be anything but I definitely can't. So I may be a failure as in, it's my fault. Some of my failure is just getting unlucky. I did and do try pretty hard creatively. I mean trying to outdo myself does kinda destroy my life. But it's not enough, idk why and it's fine I can't figure it out. That sounds like I'm just not good enough so maybe that's it. It probably is, though creativity is fairly subjective. Who caresss who cares who cares

0 notes

luvly-bejeweled-pigeon · 2 years

Text

Confrontation (Holidays pt 1)

Warnings: abuse, ableism, condescending rich white ppl, shitty parents

Words: 2.4k

Summary: Amber confronts her parents after they disrespect her housemate.

uh side note, Amber's trauma is rough to say the least but this doesnt go into any amount of detail and i think its less than implied. you can read about it here if youd really like, but everything still being workshopped. also no beta bcuz its kinda a downer and id feel guilty asking someone to beta this.

Amber sat on the couch, squishing into the side and trying to hide, Jason on her left holding her hand. She tapped her foot repeatedly and glared daggers at her parents’ shoes. It had been a whole argument the first day. One that she let go of once everyone else’s families had gotten there. She wouldn’t feel guilty about asserting boundaries. Especially since it was a house rule, not just hers. However, she still wanted everyone to have a pleasant holiday. Even if it meant giving in and letting her parents keep their shoes on. Which also meant she was vacuuming often.

Everyone sat in the rather large living room, but ten people and their families were still too much for one room. On the big couch was Amber, Jason, Liam, Milly, Alyssia, and Adelyne. On the loveseat to the left was Lucille with Aniyah in her lap, Monique in her wheelchair to the right of them holding Shawna’s hand, and Shawna, Cesar, and Malik on the floor at Lucille’s feet, arms wrapped around each other. On the loveseat to the right was Amber’s parents, Kristi and Jack, rather miffed about sharing such a small seat. With everyone else either on stools pulled from the kitchen or standing around.

Cecili was excitedly telling a story about… something. Amber wanted to pay attention. Even though she wasn’t close to anyone but Jason, Liam, Zero, and Milly, she didn’t want to be rude. She did like her other roommates. But all she could do was notice all the way her parents, who were not invited to their holiday get-together, were pissing her off. She had to focus on their shoes specifically, however, because if she started paying attention to the way they side-eyed each other, to the way they cringed at Cecili’s speech impediment, to the way they infantilized Aniyah and Monique for their physical disabilities, to the way they talked to Jason and Cecili like children, to the way they-

Jason squeezed her hand. She looked up at him and by the look on his face, he probably saw how exhausted she looked. Her face felt so heavy. Her breathing was shallow. And even though she desperately wanted to squeeze her boyfriend’s hand back, to give him a smile that said, “I’m okay”, she just couldn’t. She’d wasted all her energy going from being angry with her parents to happy to just be there.

Amber was just counting down until her parents went to bed. She refused to leave them alone with her housemates. She didn’t know who they’d trash talk to them, but she didn’t want to risk it. She didn’t want to put anyone in an awkward position where they complained about her to other people.

She rested her head back on the couch and closed her eyes. Taking a deep breath as Jason leaned on her. She could feel her parents’ eyes burning into her. Then she heard it.

Cecili stumbled over his words for a second. Just one second. He shook his head and blew a raspberry, a way of resetting himself. Her eyes shot open, and she glared at her parents, warning them-

“Sweetie, maybe you should slow down?”

And that set her off. The condescending tone she’d heard so many times during her ‘tantrums’ and sessions with the ‘family therapist’. Kristi always knew how to set her off. Whether she did it on purpose, Amber could never tell. It didn’t matter though. Not to her. She looked at Cecili who put on a strained smile, one that gave an ‘uh huh, yeah, sure, okay’. They hated it when people treated them like this. And her parents had been doing it constantly for the last three days. In their own house. The same shit everyone else had been getting. The reason Lucille was hiding her autism. Not that it helped, instead she got “oh your so kind for marrying Aniyah and helping her out”.

“Okay. We need to talk.”

“Again?” Kristi laughed. As if their last talk had changed anything. As if any talk they had ever had had changed anything.

“Yes,” Amber said, standing up and walking outside. Ignoring her parents’ protests about the cold. If she wasn’t going to change their behaviour, she was going to give everyone a break. She grabbed a familiar coat on her way out. Whether it was hers or one of her SO’s, she didn’t know. Or care. She didn’t care about the way her parents scoffed either. Or the slam of the door. Or the bite of the cold. And when she spun on her heel, she didn’t care about the familiar look on her parents’ faces. The look they got when she ‘disrespected’ them. Specifically, the one when it wasn’t disrespect, and she was actually just asserting boundaries.

“What?” her mother said. Jack never really said anything. He just watched. Suggested terrible ‘solutions’ to problems that were Kristi’s fault.

“’What?’?! What do you mean ‘what?’?! We talked about this! I told you how he feels about that shit! How everyone feels!”

“Yes, and I told you that we’re just being nice,”

“It’s not nice to talk down to everyone. In fact, some may find it unreasonably rude,” Amber emphasized the last sentence. She wanted more than anything to just be able to put it into words.

“Ugh, this is embarrassing. Let’s just go back inside and have a nice Christmas-“

“We can’t have a nice Christmas with you here stomping on everyone’s boundaries”

“You always talk about boundaries. Ever since that one hospital put it in your head. You know, family doesn’t have boundaries.”

“What are you talking about?”

And the conversation went on. Very unsuccessful. Amber kept snapping without thinking through her words. Not that well-thought-out words had ever gotten through to Kristi and Jack. She’d drafted essays for them, only to find them in the trash and neither of them saying anything. Amber clutched her stomach. Her jaw stiff as she spoke. She hated yelling. She hated that she kept starting yelling matches when it made her dizzy. So dizzy. She punched her thighs, slammed her hands together, anything she could to show how serious she was. Not that she had any intent behind them other than anger. Every now and then she had the passing thought about the others. Wondering if they could hear. Part of her wanted someone to open the door, swoop in and save her. Liam would be on them in a second if Amber told him to.

Finally, she took a deep breath. She was too tired to yell anymore. Too tired to cry anymore. Her head was pounding. Kristi and Jack saw her trying to calm herself down, and she saw another look. They had so many looks. One for every situation. They’d been here before. They’d be here again. But she didn’t want to be. Sometimes she wished she would just shut up. That there was quiet. Sure, there’d never be peace as long as they kept… well… being them. Crossing boundaries and being ignorant. But she always wondered if quiet would feel better to this.

“You really shouldn’t work yourself up like that. I can see how much it-“

“No. Stop that. You don’t get to act like you understand me.” Amber interrupted her. She couldn’t take the condescension.

“I do understand you though. You’re my daughter.”

“No, if you understood me, you’d understand that I was hurt,” she cringed. She wished she thought before that one. She didn’t actually want to bring it up.

“We do understand that. But, sweetie, that was a long time ago.”

“No. You know I was hurt. You know I was hurt for a long time. I’ve spent longer being hurt than being safe. With no thanks to you by the way. The fact that you think its ending means I should be better, that I shouldn’t hurt anymore, tells me you don’t understand

“No matter how much I tell you, or anyone, no one will understand. They’ll only know. But what they do with that knowledge is what matters to me. How they help me, listen to me, treat me. That is what actually matters.”

“We did everything we could to help you! We adopted you, sent you to therapy, all the schools and hospitals, I mean what else were we supposed to do?!”

“Give me a home? Be parents? I mean he moved me around so much; I saw so many different people,” Amber choked a little on that sentence. It wasn’t something she liked to talk about. “I told you so many times that what I needed was something consistent. I just needed one place to come back to, things to own and call mine, people who were there for me. But all you cared about was how much of a commotion I caused. How much I embarrassed you. That I could never be as proper as you thought I should be.

All you wanted was for me to be quiet, ladylike, and perfect. But you never cared about what I wanted.”

“Well, what do you want then? What do you want from us??”

Amber looked at her parents. The parents who didn’t even give her a choice in calling them her parents. They wanted the attention of their poor, broken, young daughter calling them ‘mom’ and ‘dad’. She took a deep breath, looking at them both. Staring through Kristi.

“Nothing.”

“What?”

“Absolutely nothing,” she said. She thought through everything she wanted. Not from them, but from life. “All I want is to live here, with people that care about me. To help and care for them. To keep getting better at forming connections.

“I just want to live here with the only people I have ever cared about. Without your opinions.”

“But this isn’t proper! You’re unmarried, living with your boyfriend, who you’re okay with cheating on and okay with him cheating on you-“

“I do not care what you think,” She punctuated every word with every bit of acid she could muster up. With every bit of fight she still had left that night, “To put it plainly so you understand. You were not invited. You were not informed about our get-together because I did not want you here. I knew you were going to have a problem with everything and everyone, so you were not invited. And then you showed up, disrespected my—our— rules, disrespected my housemates, disrespected our guests- I mean for fuck’s sake you couldn’t even respect that fact that Milly’s family is Jewish.

You invited yourselves over and lied saying you missed me and that we should be spending Christmas together, when we haven’t talked in years.”

“Well, we pay for your living expenses-,“ Jack started.

“That is the least you could do. I went from one hell to another, and then you kicked me out as soon as I turned 18. The absolute bare fucking minimum is for you to give me money when you have so much. And it’s not like it’s out of the kindness of your heart or whatever the fuck. You pay me so I don’t cause a scene. So, you don’t get bad press for you poor, sweet, broken, amputee daughter being homeless or whatever.”

They stared at each other. This look was new. Kristi looked like she was going to cry. For once, Amber wasn’t the one walking away in tears. Sure, she’d definitely be crying later. Jason holding her while Andie brings her late-night sweets. Being fussed over by her real family. But now? It was her turn. Her turn to feel like she won. A pyrrhic victory. The only thing that hurt was that it wasn’t the same. It’d never be the same. She’d never feel like life was coming for her specifically. Never feel like no matter what she did, nothing would ever let up. Never feel like the people who signed up to be her parents could never love her. But something about the fact she was visibly upset, whether it was over how she treated Amber or how Amber treated her, was deeply cathartic.

“So, what now?” Jack said, setting his hands on Kristi’s shoulders. He looked… disturbing. Amber knew he wouldn’t do anything. He didn’t want to. And there were more than enough people inside to come to help if she needed. She knew why she felt like this. Why the angry tall man standing over her made her stomach drop. If it was anyone with an ounce of care for her, they’d immediately drop their anger, drop to their knees to not tower over her. Apologize and make sure she knew she was safe.

Amber cleared her throat and averted her eyes. “It’s up to you. I will not tolerate any more disrespect. If you do it again, I will straight up kick you out, no questions. However, you may stay for Christmas,” she emphasized the fact that this was her call. That they weren’t really welcome but didn’t have to leave right away.

“We’ll stay until right after Christmas, as we planned.,” Kristi said. So softly that Amber almost didn’t recognize the voice. “So we can give gifts. It wouldn’t be proper to show up and not give gifts.”

“Fine,” Amber finished the conversation. She didn’t think she could take anymore. She wanted to curl up in her bed, wrapped in her lovers’ arms, and drift away from everything. From all the hurt. Everything hurt so bad right now. She felt weak and vulnerable, and all the yelling hurt her throat. And she still felt the need to get away from Jack. To run away as fast as she could.

Liam’s dad opened the door. Zero behind him, extending a hand to eir girlfriend. Amber took it silently, suddenly reminded of how dizzy she was. She really couldn’t focus on anything as she was led inside, through the living room, and up the stairs. The only thing she noticed was that the living room was empty, save for Jason who followed them up the stairs. Jason was explaining what all had happened since she went outside, and how they wanted to respect her privacy. She couldn’t listen. No matter what, she couldn’t focus on anything.

Next thing she knew she was in Jason’s bed, with a cup of water in her hands. She took a deep breath. Letting everyone help ground her. Letting herself be fawned over. Everything would be better. If not tonight, then in the morning.

#writeblr #writing #original story #creative writing #writers of tumblr #dyslexic writers #👁 House Of Misfits #👁 HoM Jason #👁 HoM Amber Rose #👁 HoM Cecili

1 note · View note