#like for some people that is completely inconceivable

[petrified-aspen]

there is a common misconception that our marginalized identities act as a sort of Shield of Principle™ or whatever, that prevents us from having fascist or racist leanings. but there are inconceivably (and subliminally) powerful forces that do the exact opposite, systems of white supremacy, cisheteronormavity, and class that galvanize us and our identities against one another.

There are examples of this everywhere; entire tomes have been written on it. But lately, I am noticing a particularly worsening problem among a lot of people in my Jewish communities. Aimless, usually incomprehensible vitriol sprayed at nebulously-defined "pro-palestine leftists", trying to paint them all as jihadists, religious fundamentalists, anti-Semitic.

It seems almost deliberate, scrolling through some of these tags, and watching the rhetoric evolve. First, someone finds an incredibly-specific, cherry-picked representation of something indefensible, either on the grounds of it being unproductive, or on the grounds of it being actual violent bigotry. It's usually the same 4 or 5 things, re-posted across thousands of blogs. What was once a shitty cardboard sign that, often times, was at a protest for all of 30 minutes before it was destroyed, or before the protest organizers removed it and denounced it at teach-ins and meetings, is now permanently saved on thousands of Tumblr blogs. What was once an easily-identifiable and fixable problem becomes a gut-punch that steels thousands of anxious, scared groups in preparation for violence.

These 4 or 5 gut-punches then get surrounded by the more on-the-fence statements. They are statements that, in my experiences having worked with pro-Palestinian demonstrators at 2 universities, are well-intentioned, but filled with pain, grief, and sometimes, anger. These statements challenge the validity of Israel as a state, or attempt to appeal to a mutual sorrow and grief by imploring people to learn from the Holocaust.

But chances are, as you came across that post, you're recovering from the violent, inflammatory post from earlier. And so your eyes see the same green, red and black colors, and you feel the upwell of emotion behind it, and by pattern-recognition alone, you're more likely to take it in bad faith. To assume that this person wants the safety of all Jews to disappear along with the Israeli state, rather than understand their ideological opposition to any state that thrives at the expense of the colonized. To conclude that they are co-opting your family's tragedy rather than recognizing that the same rhetoric, the same tactics, are being used to justify more death, according to actual Holocaust scholars.

Then it devolves even further, with completely benign statements, like "From the River to the Sea", a slogan that has been used to represent Palestinian-Jewish solidarity since before Hamas even existed, being received as though it's the 14 Words or some shit.

This is how communities manufacture outrage that only hurts us in the long run. Yes, the person who held up a sign saying "carpet bomb Tel Aviv" is wrong and they should be removed immediately. But when someone shows you that sign, then shows you a sign calling for solidarity between ethnic groups, and they try to tell you that those two are the same, that person is lying to you.

There's a very specific reason why a nebulously-defined "left-wing" is so often the first target of this manufactured outrage; because leftists have been historically united by ideals of solidarity, mutual aid, and community support and defense. To a regime built on imperial power--be that the U.S. regime, the Third Reich, whatever--nothing is scarier than that. By attacking the solidarity between the people you want to keep in line, you ensure that you will have fewer enemies should some of them have doubts about keeping in lock-step with their own oppression. This was the reason behind the Red Scare, and it was a key step in fascist Italy and Germany as well.

Our identities alone are not a bulwark against fascism. Our best tool to lead our communities forward is solidarity, and with that comes communicating, listening, and reflecting.

[piratefalls]

1. Happy nov 5th, i still cannot believe it's real

2. TELL US ABOUT YOUR BFF!

HAPPY NOVEMBER 5 AKA WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT

oh friend, this is an interesting question, because i guess the answer relies on what you mean by bff. like, my longest friendship? that's sarah, we've been friends for the last 25 years (mind you, I'm 32, so basically my whole life). in terms of closeness? absolutely sarah, because we're absolutely the embodiment of the "talking about a serious thing in text and then talking about something completely unrelated on social media" joke. but that term also basically covers everyone else i consider a friend friend.

here's the thing: i grew up in a village of 2,000 people. (yes, a village.) my closest friends today are people i grew up with. some of those people are also my friend's husbands. those people are my tribe, my ride or die, the ones who've seen the ugliest sides of me and loved me through so much. the people who instituted the table of truth rule so that we could speak freely because that shit was on lock. each of them has a special place in my heart. this post would never end if i went on a tangent about each of them individually. as a collective, they are my BFFs.

ask me a question for sleepover saturday!

[prettyboykatsuki]

please kiss me when you leave | k. bakugou

★ tags ; gn!reader, fluff, reader is a programmer (lol), making up, wee bit of angst, established relationship, arguing, reader is very chill and relaxed

★ wc ; 2.7k (idk either)

★ synopsis ; in the rare moments you and your boyfriend get in a spat, he thinks to himself how terrible it'd be to lose you.

★ a/n ; sorry about projecting on reader. it will happen again.

Katsuki fucked up.

Majorly. Inconceivably. Astronomically.

For the first time in his three year relationship, he's made a terrible mistake and the consequences are beginning to weigh on his conscious.

First things first, Katsuki is not a boyfriend who makes a lot of mistakes. Contrary to popular belief, his anger issues actually don't make dating difficult because his egoism and pride step-in first. If he's going to do anything, he's going to be the best at it. And anything getting in the way of that can respectfully, fuck off.

Despite some of the rockiness in the getting together stage of your relationship, when he finally made it official, things were as smooth as they could be. Before then was awful of course. Because vulnerability and love aren't things you can win at no matter how hard you try. Getting to boyfriend was like climbing a mountain naked.

But at the summit, all the snow cleared and Katsuki could finally rest easy. You met on the job when the Dynamight Agency signed a contract with you to make some technical software for them. You were the Senior Dev. responsible for it.

Truthfully, Katsuki hated you at first. For one, you were too non-chalant about all of it. It's a professional job but you showed up to work in the most unprofessional attire. To his credit your hygiene was decent but the workspace you and your team occupied was a mess. You had a bad diet, and an even worse sleep schedule.

You were a mess. Katsuki didn't like or respect you. He figures all tech people are freaks like that. All of the support engineers are nut-cases, so why would you be any different? But you were recommended to him by Deku who gushed about how smoothly everything was running with the new changes.

He didn't know anything about your job. And he didn't really understand it until he caught you half-falling asleep at your computer trying to finish something. It was probably the first time he came into the office and you were still there finishing up work - nearing 6am and clearly not having slept that he started to respect you a little.

From then on, his sense of responsibility for you grew. Mother hen tendencies and all. You and Katsuki are complete opposites in a lot of ways. Where he's hot-headed, you're relaxed. Where he's cold and calculating, you're strangely warm and sympathetic. Another shitty nerd in his life, he's fond of. Go figure.

It took him a long time to figure out his romantic feelings for you. The first work function you ever attended where you looked.. good. He felt it strike like an iron, a sense of dread overwhelming him as his heart fluttered at the sight of you.

("...You clean up decent." Katsuki stutters, trying to catch his breath.

You flash a smile that sends him reeling.

"Thanks, boss.")

From then on, through a series of mishaps and sad phone-calls - Katsuki managed to land the boyfriend position. And from there, your relationship has been considerably easy going.

A big reason for that is because you're much better with feelings than he is. You're reasonable about your own emotional affairs. In the many years Katsuki's tantrums might've caused a rift, you've handled him with care. Of course, he does his absolute best to accommodate you back. To support you, almost trying to make it up to you where he can.

But his mistakes have always been small, and petty. Even when they're bigger - you manage them like they're just small blips in the timeline. Gently and softly. You don't raise your voice even if he agitates you. It always works out. Katsuki tries very hard not to do anything that he would make you really angry.

In fact, he's never even seen you really angry. Maybe upset or annoyed, but angry? Once in his life if that. His friends and family often bestow you the title saint to which you always laugh but you are remarkably patient with him that he doesn't think it's undeserved.

So what happened last night was a a big fuck up on his part.

Last night, he came home from a long mission.

The only rule you have with Katsuki is that if something happens, you have to talk about it. This rule includes other rules, such as being able to delay said conversation for a better day and other veto privileges. But if something important happens, big or small - the other person has to know. That's law to abide by.

Last night, Katsuki came home from a long mission and he was exhausted. Nothing bad happened but his patience was running thin due to a series of unfortunate events and he wanted to come home and sleep. And he could feel the pressure of it starting to eat at him.

Everyone has tough days and this was his. Most of this could've been solved if he had just told you. If he had simply used the second rule to delay the conversation. You would've quietly slept next to him like you always did, no questions asked.

But he was tired and delirious and for some reason he decided to open his big fucking mouth. When you had very gently inquired about his mood, he immediately went silent. Then when you went and asked again, he snapped on you.

He regretted it as soon as the words left his mouth. He didn't mean any of it.

"God, can't you read the fucking room? Do I have to spell it out for you? I don't want to talk about it right now."

He felt it immediately. The once warm room filling with a cold tension. He couldn't even lift his head, too steeped in his anger to apologize right away. It was suffocating. How long you stood there, feet planted on the floor.

And then from above him, there was a shaky sigh and a thick voice. You were upset, obviously. Too much for words. In a terrifying turn of events - you didn't even get angry. He wishes you got angry and loud. That you could've fought this out.

But you didn't. Of course not. You just sighed, frustration teeming in your voice and said.

"Right. Find me when you want to talk. I'm gonna rest in the guest room."

Obviously trying to hold it in, you took your pillows and quietly went upstairs and slept in the guest room. And Katsuki sat there for god knows how long, regretting everything. He shouldn't have done that. He wanted to sleep next to you.

When the next morning rolled around, Katsuki wasn't expecting it to be brushed over. And it wasn't, not in the way you tried to pretend things were fine. You still set out warm towels for his shower. Made his protein shake and left it on the counter. Put his hero costume up on the couch for him to take.

And you still greeted him with a tired good morning. But he could tell that you weren't all there. It was awkward. Like there was a stranger in his house and not the person he's been in love with for the last 5 years.

Silent. He's so accustomed to your morning chattiness. Rambling about the dream you had, the movie you watched, the bugs in your code you fixed. All of it disappeared in an instant. You didn't kiss him when he left for work, pausing to blabber in between before kissing him again. Running to the train so you weren't late.

You just left. Told him you'd be working off-site for a bit and that it's your turn to make dinner. He should let you know what he wants to eat.

You stood at the door, obviously debating something and then left with a short side-hug and no kiss. No kiss. He hasn't not gotten a kiss before going to work in years. He's so hung up on it he can't believe it.

It was probably right there, kiss-less in his kitchen that he realize he fucked up beyond reasonably doubt. The feeling was awful, but you were already on your way to work before he could scramble to say something.

Katsuki is bad with apologies. It's not that he isn't sorry, but he tries his best to make up for all of his short-comings with his actions and hopes people can forgive him. That he can be a good enough person that the one, choked-out sorry can be enough of a fix and that the rest can be solved with his consistent remorse.

And he does apologize to you often enough, about small and trivial things. But this doesn't really feel small and trivial. It's the kind of fight that feels like a rift, maybe that he'd gotten too complacent. The terror sets in before the rational does and all Katsuki can think is that he has to make it up to you somehow. Somehow.

He doesn't have patrols today. The only thing on the agenda is meeting with Deku about a partnership program they want to create for new heroes. Only the two of them to discuss logistics.

He can't focus at all though. Fuck.

"Kacchan?"

Deku's voice cuts into his focus once it register. He looks up from the empty space he was peering into, suddenly aware of his surroundings. A scowl settles on his features, though he's not actually mad.

"What, nerd."

"You okay? You seem off." He replies, that concerned and overly-welcoming tone. His scowl deepens.

"Fuck off."

"So there is something," Deku concludes, in a way that makes Katsuki want to punch him square in the mouth "Is it Y/N?"

"Why the fuck do you know that?"

"Uhm. Well. You're doing your sad scowl and not your mad one. And normally you only really get sad about like 3 things. Y/N makes the most sense."

Katsuki makes a face of disgust.

"You're such a goddamn freak."

Deku smiles disarmingly.

"So what's up?"

"Fuck off with that therapist shit," He says first, then relents because of course "...Got in an argument. I fucked up pretty bad."

Katsuki relays the events with a sense of dread as Deku nods and listens empathetically like he always does. And Katsuki wants to crawl up in a fucking hole for even opening up, maybe a sign of his desperation.

"That bad?" Deku asks.

"Didn't get a kiss before they left and that hasn't happened in like 3 years."

"That's so sappy, Kacchan." Deku gushes.

"Shut up if you value your life." Katsuki says with no real heat behind. He watches the nerd think on it for a while, doing some analysis he cares fuck all about before snapping his fingers.

"Have you apologized yet?"

Katsuki grits his teeth. Deku sighs.

"Kacchan."

More silence.

"Kacchan."

"Fuck you, I already know okay! But I'm just.. so fucking anxious about it. Like I know it's not the end of the world, but it just feels so damn bad."

Deku smiles in that weird, loving way that Katsuki hates.

"That's because you care about them, Kacchan. It's gonna be fine."

"Gross."

Deku laughs again and Katsuki finds himself relieved just a little. Which he resents, of course. But it's better than feeling whatever he was feeling a few hours ago so he lets it be.

__

He spends the rest of the day coming up with an apology plan and seeing it through to the end. If he was gonna say sorry, he might as well go all out.

He calls in a florist shop first, sat at his desk and asking for whatever flowers are best apology flowers. Then he calls your favorite place to eat and makes sure he can get take-out hot for the drive home. At the end of his work day, he stops by to get some shitty balloons with sorry on them and even buys the ugliest teddy bear he can find at the store because he knows he would like it.

Then he drives home with a pit in his stomach, feeling terribly stupid and a little ridiculous for being so worried about it. Because he knows it probably will be fine, but he won't relax until he's home. Until he sees you and everything is fine again.

When he finally gets home and hauls ass with the assortment of Apology Gifts he's brought - he doesn't actually find you anywhere in the house.

He knows you're there though. Because your shoes are in the doorway and your bag is on the counter but he can't find you.

It occurs to him that your showering when he hears a god-awful tune that unburdens him just a little and he decides to hijack your shower. Because he thinks that apologizing like that will probably be a whole lot easier.

So, he steps into the shower and announces his presence. There's steam fogging everything up and he's still dressed in his work clothes. He can hear your humming come to a halt as he closes the door behind him and sits on the sink.

He feels fidgety. The warm room and the smell of your bodywash relax his nerves.

"Hey," He starts. You're silent but he can hear you scrubbing so he keeps going "Just got home. I brought food so,"

And it's still quiet. Your movements have softened and there's less of an echo. Katsuki frowns.

"Look, last night," He starts afain, then stops - closing his eyes and swallowing the pit forming in his stomach "What I said. I don't know what the fuck I was thinkin' I mean... I didn't mean any of that."

Still quiet, Katsuki sighs and bites his lip.

"And nothin' really happened. Just a long mission, undercover sucks and everything was going wrong and obviously I was pissed. Not at you, never at you - I shouldn't have—fuck me, I'm ramblin' aren't I?"

He looks up at the ceiling, glances at the door, then at the shower curtain.

"I'm really sorry, baby. Really fucking sorry. Been feeling shitty about it all day."

Before he can grovel anymore, the water turns off. All of a sudden, the curtain rips open and before he knows what to do with himself - he feels your hands on his neck. You're still half in the shower, naked and dripping and your hands are wet.

But you're pulling him into a kiss and Katsuki couldn't care less about the circumstances. The tension in his chest eases completely, melts away likes it nothing and he puts a hand on your wrist. He feels like he could cry. Fuck, what happened to him? Is this what love does to people? Make 'em feel stupid?

When you pull away, you give him an audacious grin. Pleased and warm and so full of love that he could rip apart at the seams just looking at it. All the affection in your gestures that he's grown so fond of rekindle and light him anew. He loves you so much it nearly hurts to look at you.

"You're such a worry wart, aren'tcha Kat?"

He kisses you one more time, thankful you won't point out his desperation.

"Shitty bastard."

"Get me my towel so I can kiss you properly."

"...I'll help dry you off." He says. Once again, you just smile with trembling lips like you want to giggle at him but don't. Even so, you do as he asks.

He grabs a towel and drys you off slowly and patiently. You smile at him the whole time before he grabs another one to wrap around you neat. Like you promise, you kiss him for a long time after. Arms wrapped around his neck, fingers playing with the blonde hairs on the back of his head.

"Thanks for saying sorry, baby." You say first before you coo at him "I forgive you. I'm not mad. I wasn't even mad this morning, just wanted to give you some space."

"...Even if you're pissed, kiss me before you leave," He mutters, embarrassment flooding his face "Please."

You snort.

"Promise, I will. I love you. You know that, right?"

He nods because he does, really always does. Deep down, despite the terror he feels at the idea you'll stop - he knows he loves you. But as everyday passes, he's faced with the reality that he loves you more. With an even heavier hand and much more force than he thought possible.

That corny shit people say about loving someone more everyday. He thinks he's starting to get it. At his own state, he laughs against your lips.

"Yeah I know. I love you too."

[yallemagne]

why does sleepwalking women and gothic horror go hand in hand

You asking me?

The answer is voyeurism.

Here's the thing about gendered horror: the goddamn eroticism. You can't escape it, people want to get their rocks off even when they're terrified-- especially when they're terrified! It's such popular imagery because of the intimacy of a woman with all her hair let down in only a white nightgown highlighted by the pale moonlight. A nightgown is very innocent in its intimacy, there's nothing inherently sexual about it, but that just gets people even more horny! No structured garments underneath-- she's wearing breeches obviously but shhh no she's totally naked save for some sheer billowing fabric.

EDIT: oh my god blah blah blah "breeches! actually she wouldn't be wearing those!! oh my god, they got it wrong, just shoot them in the streets, your honour!" FINE SHE'S NOT WEARING ANY PANTIES UNDER THERE, GOOD FOR YOU YOU GOT ME.

Gasp! Unprotected purity! I sure hope no dastardly villain tarnishes this woman! (they do. they do hope for that actually)

This isn't a very fun answer, is it? But it's worth saying. Horror explicitly involving women tends to be very visual with plenty of (arguably) sexual imagery. Men get the mindboggling horrors inconceivable to the human psyche while women are limited to being eye candy who faint before their minds can even be boggled (no that isn't a euphemism). Even when the women in question previously had a larger role in the story than "sexy lamp", pop culture will be quick to reframe it in the way that has the most sex appeal.

But like... let's take the woman's perspective: you're in a state of undress and completely unaware of your surroundings. It's dark and anyone lurking around at this time might very well have bad intentions, and they might turn those bad intentions on you. And you'll be blamed for being in the wrong place, at the wrong time, in the wrong dress. Terrifying. And people don't really appreciate the terror of it because... it's pretty, isn't it?

But then Lucy is weeping in her sleep, and Mina is covering her feet in mud for propriety. Because who knows what a man will do to them if he sees her naked feet? They're both cowering in fear hoping a drunken man doesn't take notice of them. Because who knows what he'll do to them if he sees two young ladies out at night? They're sweating from not just exertion but stress, and their messy hair clings to their frightened faces. They cannot tell anyone. Because who knows what toll this night might take on their good reputations?

It's not pretty. There's no see-through dresses (seriously their nightgowns are made of fucking linen, not organza), no flowing locks, no full faces of makeup, just pure society-ingrained horror.

But cis men don't typically understand that horror because they aren't usually victim to it. It honestly makes me sad and angry that the imagery is so prominent (and in such a watered-down and bland "sexy" way) because it reduces the actual horror these two protagonists face to nothing more than an audience's voyeuristic fantasy in which the women are only objects to be gawked at. The danger is reframed as tantalizing and enticing "ooo good girls (unknowingly) being bad in their sleep!" rather than... they could have fucking died. Or worse.

... But I still want to draw my girls (Jonathan, Mina, and Lucy) in cute nightgowns, so I'll bite my tongue.

[gaysindistress]

Limits of a Fae Heart - two

Pairings: Azriel x reader

Summary: part two for this.

Word count: 2.6k

Warnings: mentions of past abuse but no detailed descriptions gaysindistress masterlist one | three | four | five | six

“Impossible?” I hiss at the High Lord of the Night Court. “Tell me how this seems impossible when your own mate was Made as well as her sisters. Tell me how it’s inconceivable when I was stuck forever living and dying.”

He says nothing, only staring down at me with those violet eyes. I sarcastically chuckle.

“Since you drug me here and will be forcing me to stay as it seems, I would like to retire to a room now,” I snap at Rhys and he nods. He goes to place a hand on my upper back and the shadows are quick to rip it away. Rhys sighs but keeps his hand at his side and settles for just pointing to the hallway for me to follow.

He wordlessly leads me up the stairs and down a dark hallway. All the while I feel the blazing stare of the Shadowsinger on my back.

Rhys stops a door at the every end of the hall and gives it a light shove to reveal a bedroom that is cozier than I expected. Dark wood planks cover the expanse of the floor and an equally dark green shade covers the walls. Upon closer inspection, I see that there are trees of varying greens painted all around the room. Surrounded by a forest that feels like home but so foreign, my soul yearns for something I can’t give it.

“This will be your room,” Rhys explains as he walks further in and candles ignite as he passes by them, bringing with them light. “There is a bathing room here,” he explains while pointing a doorway off to his left and then points one to his right, “and there is a wardrobe. If you need anything, my wife’s and my room is to the left of the stairs, Cassian and his mate are on the right, and Mor’s are next door. Kitchen is downstairs and past the living room. I’m sure Mor will come bother you at some point but I’ll try to keep her away as best as I can. Is there anything I can get for you before I leave you for the night?”

It’s not lost on me that he didn’t mention where Azriel’s room is and he knows it too. He shifts his weight ever so slightly under my unwavering stare.

The words spill out of his perfect lips much to his surprise, “He’s across the hall but I can have him stay somewhere else for the night.”

Happy with his confession, I turn away to take in the rest of the room. “No, this is his home after all. Warn him that I will not hesitate if he comes near me.”

I don’t have to elaborate, Rhys understands my meaning. I can feel him grappling with why he told me that so I answer for him so he’ll leave.

“I take it you didn’t think my famed ‘sociability’ was more than a good personality?”

“I’d heard rumors of people telling you their darkest secrets without prompting but I figured it was because of who your mate was.”

I stopped trailing my hand over the cream knitted blanket on the simple wooden framed bed.

“And who was he? What name do they give him now?”

“He’s the King of Hybern now.”

“Of course he is,” I snort and continue my inspection of the blanket. “You may leave now.”

He’s gone in an instant and silence surrounds me. Glancing over my shoulder, I see the bathroom and debate whether or not I want to truly see my current state. I’m sure I look like a complete disaster but I’m not sure Im ready to face my reflection.

A sharp pain hurts through my back and the heat of my body disappears as fear takes over me. I can hear my heartbeat pound in my ears as my breathing starts to become labored. Already weak from death, my knees buckle and I stumble forward, desperately searching for something to grip onto. I find nothing as the pain in my back becomes a searing sensation that is only amplified as my knees and hands catch on the floor. They tear into the soft skin and cause blood to leak from the cuts. The candles are blurred around me, and the silence surrounding me becomes suffocating. Water starts to envelop me from within as my breathing picks up pace even more, making it harder to swim to the surface of my emotions. Pain continues to spread from the torn skin and my back when I hear an awful tearing noise. I let out a sob as I feel the skin of my back break open and something tears itself free.

Blood drips onto the pristine wooden floors around me and there is a heavy weight at my back now but I can’t move. I don’t dare to move. I stay with my hands and knees firmly planted on the floor as sobs rack over my body.

I don’t know how long I stay on the floor but no one comes no matter how loud I scream at the agony in my back. Shadows, the persistent bastards, flood underneath the door and rush to me. I bat them away, unwilling to accept their help. They refuse to listen to me and hover with nervous energy as I crawl to the bathroom. I wince and bite back more sobs as the things that tore themselves free drag on the floor. They catch and hit furniture, ripping at them as I slowly make my way to the massive sunken bathtub. I don’t bother to pull off my clothes and instead just allow myself to fall right into the warm waters that are already waiting for me. I hiss at the feeling of warm water on my skin but it eases the ache in my body enough that I don’t wish for death.

Floating in the water beside me are membranous wings.

Ones similar to those of Cassian and Azriel. I snap my eyes shut and push myself further under the water. A deep dread sets in as I start to accept that this isn’t another nightmare created by my shattered mind.

I’ve been resurrected.

My former mate is now a king while the one I seemingly gained is a Shadowsinger and his pets are frantically tending to me.

What a shit show my life has become.

Waves of cedar, freezing mist, and olive filter through the room as my eyes flutter open. Sweat pools at the hollow of my throat and causes my skin to stick to the sheets beneath me. I brush back strands of hair that are plastered to my feverish forehead as I stare up at the ceiling above.

Shadows hover all around the room and I can only assume they’re standing guard outside of my door.

A shine from beside me catches my eye and I turn to see a blur of those creatures next to my hip. Cautiously, I shift and they awake at my movement to reveal a mess shiny black hair laying on top of muscular golden arms next to my hip. Unwanted comfort washes over me and my chest aches to be so close yet so far away from him.

He stirs for a moment and moves his head so he’s facing me. With his eyes still closed, I get a good at the face I already know by heart. The brave candle light that breaks through the shadows dances across the elegant planes of his face. Faint pale scars litter his skin and my fingers itch to trace them until my touch heals them. Scars cover the skin on his hands too but they are harsher, more jagged and deep than the others. Their angry deep brown color tells me that they’ve been inflicted many years ago and never healed properly. With how deep they go, I can practically feel the pain and damage they must have caused him. Something breaks inside of me to see that he’s been through so much but knowing that it’s similar to my own trauma is too much. I can’t fathom another ever coming close to going through what I did and I have to tear my eyes away from him.

Fate has been cruel to me and I suspect she will forever but this? Giving me a second mate and one who no doubt has the same nightmares that I do? That is a string even she wouldn’t think to weave herself. A part of me wonders if my first mate had anything to do with this. If he’s been able to take the crown, could he have been able to force the hand of Fate in his favor?

I scoff at the idea. That would be giving him too much credit to assume that he could do that or even would. He’d used me until I had nothing left to give and nourished me back to health only to restart the cycle. He’d whispered the most foul words a mate could hear as he bound my wings to my body after he found me. He’d forced me to be his own spy master and extract any and all information from his targets. It didn’t matter if it was important to his mission, he needed everything. When I proved to be too broken and weak to be of use to him, he’d left me for dead. He’d allowed his men to chase after me like hounds chasing a fox. He even demanded that they keep me alive so he could be the one to finish me off. It had my mate, the man the Cauldron said I was fated for, that put me on that island where I laid half alive, half dead for years. I don’t even know how long I’d been there but it doesn’t matter anyway.

Regardless of who Azriel is, I don’t want him. I can’t want him.

I can’t need him the way I thought needed the King of Hybern. I can’t allow myself to be in such a vulnerable position again even if I know Azriel would never do that same.

The two men have to be the same in my mind if I’m going to survive.

And I’ll do what I should have the first time; reject the bond and save myself.

It’s Feyre who does knocks at my door first. A woman who looks like a sharper and more intense version of her stands behind her. I quickly learn that her name is Nesta and she’s mated to the man child Cassian. She laughs and makes a side comment about how we’re going to get along when I tell her that. Feyre laughs as well but she stays quiet, probably in fear that I’ll say something less kind about her mate.

”We thought you might like company,” her gentle voice answers my unspoken question. She sits in the chair I assume Azriel was sleeping in earlier while Nesta makes herself comfortable on the bed next to me.

I go to push myself up but am stopped by the heavy weight at my back. My wings, I realize, as I push myself onto my forearms and watch as they emerge from under my hair. Feyre gasps and I quickly glance over to her to see that she’s also looking at them. She looks at me in wonderment. Nesta shares a similar look but keeps it isolated to her eyes and her face remains a facade of collected beauty.

“He…Rhys didn’t tell me you were Illyrian,” she mutters more to herself.

“Bold of you to assume that I am,” I say with a hint more edge than I intended. Her gaze flickers for a moment and Nesta chuckles under her breath.

Feyre goes to apologize but I stop her, “I was teasing. My father was Illyrian.

“And your mother?” Nesta asks and earns a stern look from her sister.

“Hybern.”

“Oh what a disgusting revelation.”

Once again Feyre tries to reign her back in while I feed into it.

“Yes it is quite unfortunate; however I don’t imagine the King would’ve taken me if I wasn’t from his land at all.”

Nesta shrugs her shoulders, “he’s a disgusted man. He probably still would have just for the fun of it.”

“Nesta!” Feyre gasps and looks to me with apologetic eyes, “I’m so sorry. Maybe it wasn’t a good idea to bring her.”

“Do I look offended?” Both women look at me and scrutinize every inch of my face. “No, she’s fine and it’s…refreshing to be around someone with a sense of humor.”

I try to move again and my wings quack against my back from the pain.

“You’ll get used to them with time and practice,” Feyre tells me. There’s an underlying order in her words; don’t push yourself.

“I know you’ve only been here for a day but how is everything?”

I arch a brow at her, “define everything.”

Nesta snickers.

Cutting her off before she melts into her chair, I say, “everything is fine. Thank you for all of it.”

A gentle chill overcomes the room. One of those pesky shadows creeps in and slides over the back of Feyre’s chair. It plays with the ends of her hair before making its way to Nesta and halting by my foot. Nesta shivers and looks like she wants to bat at the shadow.

I clench my jaw and finally push myself further up so Im sitting against the wall. It’s painful and almost leaves me in a tears but I do it anyways. The shadow darts up to me but waits for me to invite it closer. The sisters are watching my every move as I reach my hand out with my palm up. It hesitates for a moment and then circles around my fingers. The shadow is cold but it’s not unpleasant. It crawls further up my wrist and to my arm. The ache in my chest feels content as this shadow traces my arm.

I let out a sigh. Warmth fills me and there is something akin to hope in the waves of comfort but it’s foolish. Hope cannot exist when the king still has his cold hand wrapped around my throat.

I swallow thickly despite the cold pressure on my neck and look to Feyre. “Why am I here?”

Nesta shoots her an uncharacteristically nervous look. Feyre sits straight up and clears her throat. “We need your help.”

“With?”

“The King. He’s planning a war and…”

I interrupt her, “let me guess; you’re running out of options and Rhys thinks that I’ll have some insight you haven’t found anywhere else.”

“And she’s smart,” Nesta pipes up and the shadows agree with her. They’ve made themselves comfortable on my shoulder and nestle against my neck.

“Well I can’t tell you anything you don’t know already. He isn’t the type to sip tea by a fire and spill his darkest secrets. That and I’ve been dead far longer than even your High Lord has been alive. Tell me, Feyre, how did he know about me.”

I want to feel bad about using my powers on her but I don’t think she would tell me without it.

“Az was the one who told him. I…I don’t know how he knew.”

The shadows shutter at the mention of their master and sink onto me even more. Feyre blinks in shock.

“It seems like I need to pay him a visit next.”

With that, the sisters leave. Now it’s just me with the shadows of a man who knows more about me than I would like.

[tvseries-writings]

Bad addiction

Plot: After an interrogation gone wrong, it is hard not to fall back into old habits and make questionable choices

TW: alcohol addiction, past suicide attempt, depression

Wandanat x Bioquake (Jemma x Daisy) x Bobbi x reader

Many people say that silence is the most deafening sound, more so than any other sound, even more so than the sound of a mine being blasted to extract the precious minerals it contains. And now, as you sit in one of the chairs at the kitchen table, looking down at the still-unbroken bottle of vodka in the complete silence that surrounds the room, you realize that these people are right.

It is 3:45 a.m. on a dreary Saturday morning, and that boy's face, imprinted in your mind, has kept you from sleeping and at the same time made you open the bus locker that Jemma had diligently locked as soon as she learned of your "not-so-little" problem.

In your world, everyone has tattooed on their body the first words their soul mate will say when they first meet.

You have to admit that in the unhappy and violent family you grew up in, it was no big deal to have five different phrases tattooed on your back due to some hideous flaw in the system. Two soul mates was abnormal enough, but five? Inconceivable, and Mark, your stepfather, had reminded you of it over and over again until one fine day he died of a heart attack. Of course, the moment he had collapsed in front of you, you hadn't run for help... Besides, they say there is no such thing as karma.

Bobbi was the first of the five mysterious soul mates you met and fell madly in love with. It was Bobbi who brought you into S.H.I.E.L.D. shortly after recruiting Daisy (then Skye), and who finally put a face to two of the people whose words she had tattooed on her right forearm.

"I want to be your sponsor, I want you to get better."

It was Bobbi who helped you out of the maelstrom that had engulfed you, who helped you to what would become six full years of sobriety. Six years without a single drop of your trusty friend alcohol in your stomach. She became your sponsor, was with you day and night, held you while you puked your guts out in the filthy bathroom of a bar at five in the morning, and whispered tough words to you when you told her you wanted to quit. You don't know where you'd be without her. In fact, you don't know where you'd be without all of them. Jemma, Bobbi, Daisy, Wanda, and Natasha are your rock and always will be. But today, today you have to forget and they may be your rock but unfortunately they have far too many demons to face and yours you might as well keep to yourself.

With a knot in your stomach and nausea, you uncork the bottle. The pungent smell of vodka burns your sinuses as you carefully place the cap on the counter. The concave side facing down, just like at the bar. Your fingers tighten around the thinnest part, the contact of your skin with the cold glass makes you shiver, and for a moment, just a single moment, you think you don't want to throw away these six long years of sacrifice, and then... then the boy's face hits you like a slap in the face. Actually, the slap would hurt a lot less.

He was just a boy, a young soldier molded by Hydra who had killed himself to give in during your interrogation. You had been too harsh and too slow to stop him, and you had not stopped him, and he had broken his right cheekbone, causing the small cyanide capsule placed there, just below the surface, to rupture. That boy was walking around with a time bomb between his eye and his nose, and he had done it voluntarily, killing himself with that same bomb. He had killed himself in front of you, his name was Gideon and he had just turned nineteen. And he was dead, he was dead because you were not focused enough, because you were the one who pushed him to do it and now he was gone. He should have had his whole life ahead of him, he had just been subjugated, but now, now there was no chance of redemption for him. So you punished yourself, nothing new, the bullet in your right leg is proof of that...even though you had stopped the bleeding by now. You just needed to punish yourself, that's all. And the bottle you hold in your fingers serves the same purpose as the bullet.

"What are you doing?"

The sound is so sudden and unexpected that you let go of the bottle and it shatters on the floor of the bus. The plane continues its course as if nothing had happened. How fascinating machines are, so emotionally numbing and yet indispensable.

Bobbi approaches you slowly, as if afraid to frighten you. Her hair is disheveled and her expression is a mixture of concern and weariness. You swallow, begin to shake your head and fall to your knees, repeating the words "I'm sorry" and "I'm sorry" as you fiercely pick up the shards of glass from the bottle.

"Stop or you'll get hurt."

The blonde girl is not even in time to say these words before a piece of glass gets stuck in your hand, causing a deep cut that begins to bleed profusely. You don't notice and Bobbi is scared to death. You don't feel the pain and, on the contrary, you continue to clear your mind.

Perhaps you have become a machine too, emotionally numb. Damn, how you want it; to feel no more pain - isn't that the human dilemma?

Bobbi snaps forward, tired of seeing you hurt again and again, and grabs your wrists with her hands to stop you; it works. You suddenly freeze, avoiding eye contact and not saying a word. Bobbi never loses sight of you for a minute as she gets up to get a cloth to dab the wound and stop the bleeding.

You stay like this for about ten minutes, in silence, while Bobbi bandages your wound with two stitches for "safety". He wraps your hand, but when he is done, he does not pull away, contrary to what you expected. Instead, she tucks a strand of hair behind your ear, making your eyes meet before breaking the silence.

"Do you ou want to tell me what happened?"

You always said that Bobbi, as an alternative to super badass spy, might as well have been a psychologist (as well as a model, of course). In fact, her tone is exactly what one would expect from a psychologist; gentle but detached. In a warm but cool clarity of action. In the art of weighing words that only Bobbi is capable of, and in which she is the first even to Jemma.

When she realizes you have no intention of answering, her hand quickly finds your leg.

"Have you been drinking?"

You bite your lip and shake your head slowly.

A small smile curls her lips as she leans in to plant a kiss on your forehead.

"Well... you did good rockstar."

Bobbi rests her forehead against yours, caressing your cheeks as if you were the most precious thing in the world.

"We're both tired and need to sleep, especially you. I'm not dropping the subject, and it's definitely something we'll discuss in the morning, but until then, until then, we're going to bed with the others. And I don't want to hear any objections."

You follow her, whatever she wants, you're going to give it to her. You owe it to her after the shit you wanted to do tonight; not that you wouldn't have done it if you had gone back. But now, now is a thought that has to be put off until the morning.

Bobbi tucks you in and wraps her arms around your sides, hugging you from behind. Your nose breathes in the lavender scent of Diasy and the vanilla scent of Wanda as Nat's soft snoring and Jemma's recovered words accompany you into the world of Morpheus.

.........................................................................................

As soon as you wake up, the weight of the conversation you're likely to have with your soul mates hits you harder than you'd like. And if you hate getting up on other days, today is even harder.

You get out of bed and walk down the hall with the same agony as a condemned man on his way to the gallows.

No, a condemned man is better off than you. At least he has the consolation of death; you, on the other hand, have only the certainty of a head-spanking from your girls.

It's barely 10 a.m., and your girls' voices echo down the narrow, cold hallway leading to the kitchen. As soon as your head pokes through the door, the voices stop.

"Hey."

Your stomach turns as you sit down in the only empty chair.

Wanda is at the stove, Natasha behind her, trying to help, even though you all know the Russian spy is anything but a good cook. Instead, Daisy, Jemma and Bobbi are all three at the table. Needless to say, all eyes are on you.

Wanda places a stack of pancakes on a plate in the middle of the table and with a shy smile invites you to help yourself to her delicious masterpieces.

You are not hungry. The silence between you is so strange, so different... that it has created a knot in your stomach. You are sure that if you even tried to take a bite of Wanda's pancakes, you would immediately run to the bathroom and throw up.

It is not you who breaks the silence, nor is it Bobbi; contrary to what you might have expected, it is Daisy who does so. Well, maybe you should have seen it coming.

"How could you even think that?"

You know very well that it is not a question. The others know it too.

The young superheroine wants to know the reason that almost made you break your promise.

Not that you could forget that promise. How could you?

It's hard to forget the feel of your girls' damp, heavy clothes and the sting of their deeply disappointed stares as you limped into the foyer of your simple, unassuming Manhattan apartment, staggering around with a bottle of vodka in your right hand and a gun in the other with only one bullet in the clip. It is hard to forget the look of terror on her face as you squeeze the trigger three times in a row, the cold metal of the barrel burning your temple. It is impossible to forget their screams as Natasha lunges at you, at the exact moment when you pull the damn trigger for the fourth time in front of their disbelieving, frightened, terrified eyes, and the bullet lodges on the wall behind you; inches from your head, as the gun, now unloaded, is kicked away from the Russian spy. It is impossible to forget the promise you made to them about never touching even a drop of alcohol again.

Over time, you have learned so many terrible things that you have trouble falling asleep at night. And when they say that addictions of any kind don't change a person...they lie. Fuck, how they lie. Lying bastards in an age of lies. An addiction changes you. No choking.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it, I - yesterday was hard, the mission - I'm sorry."

You don't look up, you don't meet the eyes that you learned to love and accept only after a long time. You don't have the courage, you can't look at the most important people in your life, knowing that you made them suffer again. How many more times will you have to hurt them before they realize they no longer want you in their lives?

Bobbi sighs and shakes her head slowly. He gives you a small smile, just a hint of the one you loved before anyone else. She squeezes your thigh and reaches her hand out from under the table.

"We're not mad, we're just worried rockstar."

"Bobbi's right, Detka, we are scared that what happened years ago might happen again."

Wanda plays with the rings you exchanged when you all decided to move in together.

Natasha doesn't speak; she just watches you in silence. So does Jemma.

Daisy, on the other hand, seems on the verge of exploding, and that's exactly what she does.

"You can't do this to us again, okay? Do you know how long it took us to get over that? We still have nightmares about that night and you know it! How could you even think of drinking? You had to talk to us about it, you had to..."

Bobbi interrupts the inhuman, wrapping her arm around her hips and holding her close as she plants small kisses on the top of her head.

"He killed himself right in front of me, Daisy! He was a young boy, he had his whole life ahead of him and I didn't stop him!"

You slam your hand down on the kitchen counter, carefully away from your soul mates, using so much force that the deep cut you made the night before reopens and the bandage quickly soaks with blood.

A small grimace crosses your face as soon as your hand hits the marble surface.

"Y/n!"

Jemma takes your hand between her own, examining the wound medically and glancing at Bobbi as Wanda runs to the first aid kit in the bathroom.

"Honey, it's not your fault. The only culprit in all of this is Hydra. Yes, the boy was young, but he was aware of his choices."

Natasha strokes your back as Jemma uses needle and thread to sew up the cut on your palm. Jemma is about to put the fourth back on when you pull your hand away from her loving care and turn away from your girls.

"Y/n, please come back, I'm not done yet."

You look away; your left arm falls back at your side and small drops of blood run down your hand and fall to the floor. Your only desire now is to hold on to the bottle and drink until you see the empty bottom. You do not deserve their love, let alone their understanding.

"You're thinking very hard, detka," Wanda whispers, holding out her hand to you, and when you don't take it, intertwining your fingers, the hurt look on the Sokovian's face makes your heart clench.

"I thought I had overcome my addiction, and yet when some event shakes me, I am still in the grip of my emotions and it sucks....You want to know if I still want to drink? Yes, it gets stronger and stronger and it will never go away. That's the problem, I... I don't know if I can live with that for the rest of my life.

You all feel the small gasp that leaves the telepath's lips as she looks into your mind.

"Last night I... I took your gun," you whisper, turning your gaze to Natasha, "I know the password to the safe where you hide it; besides, it's not hard, just remember the day you first came into my life, and yes, yesterday I took the gun and put it to my temple, but I didn't pull the trigger, I didn't, okay? Just like I didn't touch the bottle of alcohol in front of me, so yes, I'm not okay, I'm shaken by what happened and part of me will always want to end it, but I'm not going to make you go through this again. I love you too much to hurt you like that again."

You scratch nervously at your wound, pinching your stitches before a gentle hand stops you. Jemma takes your hand back and makes the final stitches as the girls surround you.

"It's going to be okay honey, we're going to get through this too, but you need to go back and see Dr. Garner."

You sigh and shake your head before being stopped by a rather pissed off inhuman.

"I don't think you have a choice, so you're going to do what we say, okay?"

You sigh, nodding slightly as you begin to find the steel floor beneath your feet particularly interesting.

"Y/n, where did you leave the gun?"

Bobbi whispers and the question that has been hanging in the air until now is asked.

You teleport to your bedroom and retrieve the gun from its hiding place, where it had been masterfully concealed among some of your old clothes, and then Teleport back to the kitchen and hand the gun to Bobbi. The blonde takes it and slides the magazine out of the black Glock she holds in her hands, and when she does, your heart stops. You didn't think he would check.

"Y/n...? One bullet is missing-"

Daisy grabs the clip before Bobbi can finish her sentence,

"Are you fucking serious? You did this? You lied to our faces?!"

"I, it's not what it looks like."

Your throat goes dry as you look for the nearest chair to sit in; you wrinkle your nose as the bandage you've been so busy tightening around your thigh rubs painfully against the wound. And while the other girls are too busy trying to figure out what's going on, Wanda reads your mind and her eyes go wide as she falls to her knees in front of you. The other girls look at her with confusion and concern before the Sokovian speaks.

"Detka, Detka, where is the wound?"

Your breath catches and you freeze. They can't take away the pain you feel, they can't - you don't deserve the relief, you don't.

"N-no! Me, it's okay, I took care of it, I'm fine."

Natasha, who had been silent until that moment, steps forward and pulls your pants down before you can even think of stopping her.

The blood-soaked bandage shifts to reveal the bleeding, red wound; an ongoing infection, most likely -- after all, you didn't put any disinfectant on it, and the only thing you cared about was wrapping it tightly with a bandage so you wouldn't lose too much blood. You don't even know if the bullet got out, but considering your teleportation skills, it probably did. The only reason you don't stay naked every time you teleport is because Fitz made all your clothes out of a dwarf material that apparently allows you to stay clothed.

"Damn it!"

Natasha says, leaning over your thigh and looking at Jemma, urging her to get the first aid kit. The biochemist runs to the bathroom and returns in less than a minute with the kit in her hands. You kneel down next to the former Russian spy before putting on your gloves and cutting off the now completely useless blindfold.

Bobbi walks over to you and places a hand on your forehead to check your temperature before asking Natasha to hand her the thermometer.

"She's warm, I think the wound is giving her an infection."

Bobbi puts the thermometer to your lips, and when you make it clear that you are not going to take your temperature, Bobbi raises her right eyebrow and looks at you intently.

"Rockstar, I don't want to force you to open your lips, but you really messed up, your health is not the best right now and we're really worried, so please, please... help us help you, okay?"

Bobbi's voice breaks as her look of pain and concern finally makes you realize how much this, how much YOU are costing them...so you do everything they tell you and a full twenty-five minutes pass before you are finally patched up and lying on a cot in the infirmary.

"Why did you do this? Are you... do we have to take you off missions? Are you trying to hurt yourself?" Natasha approaches the edge of the bed, resting a hand on your good leg.

"Obviously, considering what he did."

Daisy blurts out, and the fact that she relies so heavily on her sarcasm lets you know that she is genuinely worried about you.You bite your lip, a small sigh rippling the air around you as you trace the bandage on your hand with your thumb, distracting yourself from the conversation you are about to have.

"I... just wanted... I needed to feel physical pain, and not the kind of pain that tears you up inside. I just needed to feel nothing, just for a little while...I'm sorry."

Jemma squeezes the IV bag and, after a final glance at the monitor showing your blood pressure and heart rate, sits down in the empty chair to your left before taking your hand between her own.

"We're going to help you, okay? It's going to be okay, we're going to be with you every step of the way, and we're going to get through this, just like we did before."

"But we need you to help us, rock star."

"And you need to tell us how you feel, especially if it makes you do things...dangerous for yourself, detka" Wanda comes over and gives you a small smile with eyes full of concern, just like the other girls.

Daisy crosses her arms under her breasts and you see worry and anger distorting her face and then, to the surprise of you all, the inhuman bursts into tears. Sobs shake your body and your need to embrace her makes you get out of bed and reach out to her, hiding a grimace of pain.

"Dee, Daisy, hey, it's okay love, I'm sorry, I know how that night left a deep scar on you, I... when certain thoughts come, I can't think straight... I can't think at all, damn it. I don't... I don't think about how much damage what my mind is telling me to do could do to you. I'm sorry, my love."

Daisy throws herself into your arms, causing you to fall back onto the cot as the inhuman wets your shirt with her tears.

"I know what it feels like to want the pain to stop, many of us do it”. Your body stiffens at the thought that at least once both Natasha and Wanda and Daisy felt exactly what you felt and are feeling now, "but you are not alone, I know you feel alone but you are not. We are here and we love you so much it hurts..."

"I am so sorry...I, I will try to get better, I want to, for you and to finally be well without having to resort to pain or alcohol."

You whisper, leaving kisses in Daisy's hair as you hold her close. Your girls stand still, letting the inhuman vent before they too join your embrace.

They say nothing, they don't need to. The fact that they are there, their warmth is more than enough and they bring you a slight relief and the burden you have been carrying for so long finally lightens... at least for now.

Thanks for reading! Spoiler: some poly!aos x wandanat x reader is coming! Comment, like and support me on ko-fi. Have a great day!

Taglist: @wandanatsbaby @bioquake-archives @bioquakeweek @daisyjohnsonx @wandanatsgirlfriend @chaekhan @station19 @resilientpendragon @so-no-kissing-then @thearchpitbullmx @ashadash0904 @kingshitonly @alwaysgoodnight @callistic @xjule @yuleni18 @simpforwandanat @alexxislexi @mrsdanversromanoff @coollemonsaresour @hushed-woodsman @razorscooteer @eponine-xx @maniacallinc @michelle170 @classyig @elenaguarnieri @scarletwidow @tati3001 @cristin-rjd @your-my-mission @mr-nicely @hi-i-1 @anniethurs @ktstwice @scarlet-raccoon @maria-403 @goldfishthegr8 @wandanatfan @looiegirl-blog @bioquake-blog @daisyjohnsonx

[coolshadowtwins]

LiuShen Fanficion Round Up! Lets Go!

This took way too long! These are hard to do on mobile. Thank you to everyone who gave recs! If anyone recommends any other LiuShen/BingLiuShen fics, I’ll add them to this later!

I might have missed some that people have recommended, so tell me if I did!

The clueless fairy and his knight by sailorstar165

Summary:

Yet another filler quest from the pesky System in his head leads Shen Qingqiu to a heavily damaged heavenly raiment that inconceivably now belongs to him.

This was impossible for two reasons.

One, Lunar Fairies are female only. So sayeth the "Great Master" Airplane Shooting Toward the Sky when he wrote the abomination that was PIDW, and last he'd checked, Shen Qingqiu was very much male.

Two, Shen Qingqiu is just some one-dimensional scum villain! He was a garbage person for the sake of villainy! He shouldn't have a tragic backstory and missing family and some fated role to play in this universe!

When the System lured him in with the promise of hidden lore, Shen Yuan wasn't signing up for this!

Cultivate: slow life on a monster infested mountain by NeonGhostCat

Summary:

When trying to transfer Shen Yuan from the real world to Proud Immortal Demon Way, the System runs into an error. The transfer is not complete.

Shen Yuan is dropped off at the foot of a mountain aware of two things: he's in the story, and the Shen Qingqiu of this world is not only aware but thinks he tried to possess his body — and he's PISSED. Shen Yuan tries to opt out and live a simple life on what locals tell him is a monster-infested mountain no one in their right mind would bother with.

Sounds like a great hiding spot!

(TL;DR: Stardew Scum Villain Valley Mountain.)

Reincarnation not desired, transmigration not required by Pegunicent

Summary:

Shen Yuan dies. Then he decides to finally get a life.

Star crossed wires by silversinnbees

Summary:

Shen Yuan’s family has been pestering him to get an android for months now. His health had recently taken a dip that landed him in the hospital for a bit and an ultimatum had been issued: either Shen Yuan goes into some kind of assisted living facility (which, no), or he purchases an android fitted out with caretaking programming to live with him. He had griped about it for the longest time, not liking either option given to him but he ultimately decided that an android in his living space was a better option than essentially living in a hospital.

 

Shen Yuan brings an android named Liu Qingge into his life to take care of him. He never could have expected that the android was capable of so much more than just caring.

Metagaming by esama

Summary:

[Self-Saving System Activated! You will be now returned to your original starting position.]

Shen Qingqiu dies and gets a second chance and decides to try a different approach. (Note: this does a many pairings, not just LiuShen!)

Meet Cute (these dorks) by Mayvn

Summary:

The instant he turned to dash into the fight, Liu Qingge froze as he saw Not Shen Qingqiu standing coolly over one unconscious thug, guqin in both hands and still in a pose that clearly showed he had, in fact, just bludgeoned someone with the end of his guqin. Not Shen Qingqiu smirked and tilted his head back cockily.
---
LQG finds SY running away from a sticky situation and brings him back to Cang Qiong in hopes that he can keep the man from getting himself mugged. SY is just relieved he doesn’t have to pretend to be a girl anymore.

Blanket Forts and Rainy Days by NeonGhostCat

Summary:

Mere weeks after the Demon Invasion incident, Liu Qingge visits Qing Jing Peak to discover the disciples hard at work building a monstrosity of blankets and bamboo. Like the students, he becomes inexplicably drawn into Shen Qingqiu's orbit in spite of himself.

Or: How Shen Yuan causes chaos under the flimsy guise of education and Liu Qingge heroically tries to keep himself oblivious to the state of his own squishy heart.

the stages of [...] by tennssi

Summary:

Despite all efforts, Luo Binghe died before the abyss event, and the only thing that saved Shen Qingqiu from being transported back to his world were the points he painstakingly accumulated to prevent Binghe’s blackening.

Stuck in a state of mourning that he himself is unaware of, he finds an unexpected comfort from a certain Peak Lord, who despite everything, never left his side since.

Sharing is Caring by celardor

Summary:

“Liu Qingge! I told you not to drink the water!” Shen Qingqiu shouts. His thoughts are a panicked whirl- is it going to have the same effect that it did in the original story?

 

Liu Qingge just stares at him in shock.

 

Shen Qingqiu’s question is answered when he suddenly hears Liu Qingge’s voice. Liu Qingge isn’t speaking, though- his mouth never moves. No, Shen Qingiu is hearing Liu Qingge’s voice inside his head.

Liu Qingge’s voice says, “Holy shit. I can see his nipples.”

 

They both stare at each other in horror. At that moment, there’s a happy little ding and a System notification pops up in front of him.

 

[Congratulations! Bonus mission activated: Sharing is Caring!]

 

“Fuck,” Shen Qingqiu says, with feeling.

 

*************

Shen Qingqiu and Liu Qingge accidentally trigger a wife plot that leads to them forming a telepathic connection.

(This one is a favorite of mine! I’ve re-read it multiple times, and it has an inprogress sequel.)

The Guardian Ghost and the Bookish Fairy by NeonGhostCat

Summary:

Liu Qingge survives his qi deviation… in the form of a ghost. Having nothing better to do and no desire to be exorcised, he follows after Shen Qingqiu and decides to haunt him for the hell of it.

It doesn't take him long to realize that not only is this not the Shen Qingqiu he knew, but there is more going on. And apparently Shang Qinghua is involved too? Ah! He understands now — they're immortal fairies given the mission to thwart a dark prophecy of the sect's collapse. Well. He can help with that. And how better than to protect the bookish fairy that's taken his old foe's place?

There are no ulterior motives. Why think such foolish things???

TL;DR: What happens if SY transmigrates just a little too late?

Story marked "Chooses Not To Warn" purely because LQG becomes a ghost in the first scene and I didn't want to agonize over whether that required a MCD warning or not. If it does to you, this is your heads up! No other archive warnings are necessary.

Moments by hummingbirdhum

Summary:

Liu Qingge never paid Shen Qingqiu attention unless he had to, before. But things are different now, and in a million little ways, this new Shen Qingqiu keeps managing to make him...feel things. Things he's not used to.

Basically SQQ keeps being attractive and adorable without realizing it and eventually it's going to build up to the point LQG has to do something about it.

Updates will be sporadic in length and in upload date. Starts pre-abyss.

every memory of you by beta_babelfish

Summary:

Before Shen Qingqiu can voice his agreement and his opinion that they are doing an excellent job of getting things done, a knock sounds at the door. The other Shen Qingqiu sighs heavily, and stands. “You ought to hide, I suppose,” he says. “That’ll be Yue Qingyuan.”


“Oh? Is there some business with the sect?” Shen Qingqiu asks, immediately curious.


“Oh, he’s here to clear my meridians, as usual,” Other-Him says nonchalantly.


Shen Qingqiu blinks. He blinks again. “As usual?” he says after what feels like an eternity, voice sounding strange and an unsettled feeling churning in his gut. “What about Liu-shidi?”


Other-Him looks at him blankly for a moment. “Who?”

Or, Shen Qingqiu is wifeplotted into an alternate timeline in which he did not save Liu Qingge.

Fowl Weather Friends by Koiichaser_lucorinth

Summary:

Shen Qingqiu had always felt a small disconnect from his wings, coming from a world that didn’t have them. Like the opposite of phantom-limb syndrome. Things that were a part of him, yet felt separate.

They were cool in concept, yet gave him no end of trouble.

Like old wounds, they ached and cramped in bad weather or exhaustion. As if the Original Goods had gotten them broken in places multiple times before healing away the physical signs as he cultivated.

Also, they were just annoying!

They required so much upkeep! Feathers constantly shed and had to grow in, which was itchy as hell. When they grew in, they did so with sheaths you had to scratch off as they emerged, but you couldn’t scratch too hard because OOPS, was that a blood feather? If it was, congrats on just breaking open what was basically a straw directly to a vein. Better pluck it all out from the root if you ever want it to stop bleeding! And then you had to heal the gaping hole the correct way, or the next pinfeather might not grow back correctly.

…Shen Qingqiu might not have devoted his patience.

If he were to be honest, he might have slipped up a little in regards to the care of his wings as of late.

I Wish You Were My Husband by Feynite

Summary:

AU based on The Dreamer in the Spring Boudoir (familiarity with that story's not required).

Wherein Shen Yuan transmigrates into a harem intrigues romance novel (gay edition), Yue Qingyuan really fucks up, Liu Qingge is not suitable for his job, and no one even remotely sees Luo Binghe coming. (Note: this is maybe a stretch of LiuShen? But I think it counts lol)

You Take Me By the Heart When You Take Me By the Hand by UnhookedStar

Summary:

Liu Qingge knows that as smart as he is, Shen Yuan is often startlingly oblivious to the implications of his actions. Liu Qingge has learned this the hard way after years of obsessing over countless overly familiar casual gestures. However, while Shen Yuan's sense of personal space has always been practically nonexistent, he's been even more sticky than usual lately. He keeps casually touching Liu Qingge; brushing his hair out of his face, randomly reaching out and patting his head, leaning in close to say something and never leaning away again. The other day, Shen Yuan had held his hand. In public.

 

Or, Liu Qingge has no idea why Shen Yuan has been acting so much more familiar with him lately, but all of this casual touching is starting to push at the limits of his self control.

Meanwhile, Shen Yuan just wants to know when his boyfriend is finally going to kiss him.

The Journey Home, The Hollow Victory by MonroeKnox

The journey back to Cang Qiong Mountain seemed longer than it’s ever been.

 

Unlike so many times before, peak lord Liu Qingge was returning victorious.

But, in his heart, there was nothing to celebrate.

 

Liu Qingge could not outrun his grief forever. Especially not when he has finally brought Shen Qingqiu home.

Misery by Calamity Butterfly

Summary:

"With shaking fingers, he traces the planes of what will be Shen Qingqiu’s face. He brushes dirt from the body’s hair, rearranges its arms so it looks more peaceful, wipes a smear of mud from its chest. The body doesn’t exactly look dead but isn’t currently breathing and doesn’t have the… seeming of life. Shang Qinghua insisted that Shen Qingqiu’s soul was not yet fully inside the body, but Liu Qingge is sure he can sense Shen Qingqiu’s presence in the clearing, if not in the body. He hopes Shen Qingqiu is able to be aware of and comforted by, at some level, the knowledge that his body is safe and being cared for by one who cares for him very deeply."

A very Not Ok Liu Qingge finds Shen Qingqiu's plant body before Shen Qingqiu wakes up. He tends and cares for it and keeps it safe.

Another Time, Another Place by Mayvn

Summary:

Another Luo Binghe suddenly appeared and Liu Qingge died trying to save Shen Qingqiu, only to find himself waking up in a strange room full of strange things.


Losing his ‘apartment’? Cheating girlfriend kicking him to the curb for a rich ‘fuerdai’ after stealing all his money? What’s a ‘dogblood drama’? He doesn’t care about any of that! What happened to Shen Qingqiu?!


---


Basically, LQG gets transmigrated into a dogblood drama, but just wants to cultivate and live happily with SY. If only these damn characters would get a hint and stop trying to drag him back into the plot!
Meanwhile, after being forcefully repatriated, SY uses all his superpowers as an avid trashy web-novel reader to try to predict what will happen and protect LQG from all the shitty tropes while also dealing with the realization that there’s been cultivation in the modern world this whole time!

Not to mention the familiar-but-different faces popping up here and there…

rsvp me to world's end by beta_babelfish

Summary:

FUTURE Shen Qingqiu [FSQQ] 4130 HOURS FROM NOW opened a memo on board WELCOME TO HELL

FSQQ: OKAY. First things first if the term “peerless cucumber” means anything to you you’re in the right place. If it doesn’t then you’re gonna be banned immediately. thanks
PAST Shen Qingqiu [PSQQ] 45 HOURS AGO responded to the memo
PSQQ: what the hell is a peerless cucumber
FSQQ banned PSQQ from responding to the memo
FSQQ: what did i just FUCKING say!!!!
FSQQ: anyway
FSQQ: you know that shitty webcomic. Proud Immortal Demon's Game? about that game called SBURB that causes the end of the world and the creation of a new one with frogs or whatever. luo binghe is there, he rips apart paradox space and uses his fuckin insane powers to take over like three different universes and all that?
FSQQ: you’re in it now
FSQQ: have fun
CURRENT Shen Qingqiu [CSQQ] RIGHT NOW responded to the memo
CSQQ: WHAT THE FUCK

Or, the Scum Villain/Homestuck crossover that absolutely nobody asked for, but you're getting anyway

A Night on Cang Qiong Mountain by NeonGhostCat

Summary:

Shen Qingqiu frets over the upcoming Endless Abyss event. Wanting to figure out a way to give his little white sheep fond memories of his time at the sect to hold onto in the Abyss, he remembers Halloween, something he looked forward to each year in his previous life (even if it was only through game events). System steps in to offer him a Limited Time Event of his own.

These are stories based off of the same premise that can be read stand-alone if preferred. Technically you could read them in any order.

NSFW

We'll survive, you and I by rinsled05

Summary:

On the bed, back against Liu Qingge’s chest, Shen Yuan is grinding his ass against him, soft, breathless sounds slipping out of his mouth.

Liu Qingge's skin buzzes with need, and he wants to put his hands on Shen Yuan’s hips, feel them shift under his palms. Wants to hear Shen Yuan whimper as he matches Shen Yuan’s pace and rocks back. To suck and nip at Shen Yuan’s skin, leaving bruises in the shape of his mouth.

But he's too aware of Luo Binghe's presence on the other side of the bed, the curl of his arm around Shen Yuan’s waist. Liu Qingge can’t tell if Shen Yuan is awake, either, if he even realizes that the body spooned against him belongs to Liu Qingge. It’s entirely possible that he thinks it’s—

“Qingge,” Shen Yuan whines.

Oh.


In which Liu Qingge fights to keep himself and Shen Yuan alive in a zombie apocalypse, knowing that Shen Yuan would have married Luo Binghe if not for, well, zombies. Liushen main, with hints of Bingqiu, Bingliu, and eventual Bingliushen.

the horns of a dilemma by lavenderandrue

Summary:

Shen Qingqiu doses himself with truth mushrooms on purpose and gets more than he bargained for.

returned tenfold by lavenderandrue

Summary:

“We were thinking perhaps a little game of sorts? An exchange of winnings and gifts?”
Bristling immediately, Liu Qingge draws himself up ramrod straight. “I have no wish to play your games, demon,” he spits. Shen Qingqiu makes some kind of small noise behind his fan, perhaps a laugh or a sound of dismay, and Liu Qingge tries to ignore the way the tips of his ears heat up.
“Actually, Shidi, it was this shixiong’s idea.” Shen Qingqiu uncrosses his legs and sits a little straighter on his throne, which is far more ornate than Luo Binghe’s. The solemn dignity is marred a little by the pile of cushions spilling out from underneath his robes and the bag of melon seeds resting on the arm.
Liu Qingge’s chest aches faintly. This is fairly normal when he’s around Shen Qingqiu, so he ignores it.

Dual Cultivation by Acernor

Summary:

“Shizun said I made you feel so good,” Luo Binghe says, “that I could fuck you any time I wanted.”

Liu Qingge stops breathing for a second.

“What,” he blurts out.

Shen Qingqiu could tell he’d been into it?!

[flatlined-lioness]

Homecoming.

Pairing: Ghost x GN!Reader Warnings: Vague mentions of killing

Simon comes back from deployment and for the first time - he's coming home.

Screams.

Most of the time, Simon only hears his opponents. His body is on autopilot as he eliminates his target. Screams are the only thing he hears before it gets quiet again.

Or, well, as quiet as it can get on a battlefield. But Simon guesses that his mind doesn't even register the sounds of guns and explosions anymore. It's all just background noise.

Silence - complete silence - makes him uneasy. Silence means that something is lurking in the shadows. Waiting to pounce the second that his eyes roam elsewhere.

He'd just accepted it. That was what came with his work. That was the price he had to pay for taking lives.

Never in his life did he think that someday, he would be craving this silence. Craving to be home.

And even more inconceivable - to do it with you, a partner. HIS partner.

𓆩𓆪

It was well past midnight at this point. You wanted to wait for Simon's return, but as the hours flew by - you fell asleep.

Simon had told you not to stay awake for him. He knew that he couldn't tell you when exactly he would come home. But he also knew that if you were one thing, you were stubborn.

And so he wasn't surprised in the slightest when he saw you lying on the couch, a blanket next to your sleeping form on the floor.

The house was dark, only one single lamp was illuminating the room as he took it all in.

You were together for a little over one year now and it changed everything for him.

Usually, he would get home, shower and maybe eat before hitting the hay. He wouldn't really sleep, not for long anyways. But that was his life - he only ever lived when he was deployed.

He lived his daily life like a hermit, only going out to get groceries or if Johnny decided today was a good day for a drink. He didn't get out much. And he was fine with that.

Never did he think that the acquaintance he made at the bar one night would become one of the most important people in his life.

And here he was, in your house. In your living room. With you.

He didn't notice the little smile that tugged at his lips as he carefully lifted you in his arms to get you into bed.

He was ready for some sleep, another thing he only really got when he could hold you. You grounded him. Made him feel truly and utterly safe.

Silence never felt better when he was home with you.

Requests are open, thank you for reading!

[alilaro]

I have some Thoughts on Evangelion, and I'm hyperfixating right now, so here's a massive info-dump on it. Thank you and I'm sorry.

(trigger warnings for: child abuse, child death, gore mention, pedophilia, mental health, depression, suicide, and potentially more.)

———————————————→

So, my take on the End Of Evangelion is like a 'Worst Timeline AU.' So what would've happened if Shinji had given into the crippling (justified) trauma and deepest depression of an abused, manipulated, and unfathomably damaged child soldier.

The way Misato constantly screams at him throughout the entire series to 'be a man' and pressures him to get into the EVA and fight literal biblical, kaiju-like angels.

The pressure of trying and failing to get a crumb of praise or approval from his neglectful and spiteful father.

The way people (and fans, tbh) get upset with him for constantly changing his mind. How if he doesn't pilot the EVA, either he or his friends could die. The pressure every adult puts on him. Or again, the absolute cosmic terror of just seeing—let alone having to murder these angels.

Of course, he quits all the time, he's 14. He's a child. An average adult with all the combat training in the world would easily do the same.

Yet he comes back again and again, because of the guilt, the self-loathing, the manipulation of the adults around him—

(who can have all the greatest intentions in the world, "the greater good", etc etc, and it doesn't change a goddamn thing that they are putting these children into death machines and treating it like if they dont do it they are selfish and worthless)

—that if he doesn't do it, his friends will do it and either they or others will die if it's not him.

Like, the point isn't that he can't make up his mind: it's the fact that even if he "gives up", he still keeps coming back, and putting himself before others, despite the grief, despite the pain, despite the trauma

A fourteen-year-old child refuses to stop getting up and trying. Which I feel is symbolic of the whole shows entire meaning, no matter how dark things are, how much you hurt, how much others hurt you, how you feel like nothing, and you want it all to just stop—the pain, the memories, the guilt, the crushing weight of complete utter depression—even as the darkest envelops you and holds you tight, you feel like you can never escape: there is ALWAYS a way out of it.

It's fucking hard, you will lose yourself in it, you will hurt so, so much—but eventually you can find your way out. Through time, through loved ones, through therapy, and more. It's never too late or someone is too far gone in their own despair that they can't be saved and brought back.

And that's not even mentioning the other children. Fans enjoy Asuka more than Shinji because she's got that quick, snappy, high-energy personality. She's overly proud and stubborn, and she loves to fight in her EVA. And Rei, she's the shy quiet girl (a Kuudere, even (didnt like writing that)) designed to be mysterious, and to speculate over. Who is she? Why is she so calm? Does she have a personality behind that demeanor?

But, just like Shinji, they are all child soldiers, and like him, they are products of trauma and manipulation by adults.

Rei, was made in a fool-hearted attempt to bring back Shinji's mother, Yui Ikari, by combining her remains with Lilith. What they got was Rei. An assimilation of Yui, Lilith, Eva, all combining into Rei Ayanami.

Her creators obviously had attachments to her, both having loved Yui before her death, and Gendo Ikari almost took her on as a daughter-like figure (Rei being the name he would've given to his child Shinji, if he had been born a girl,) and revoltingly even more than that.

But as the theme of the series goes, good intentions from adults mean very little, and often act as nothing more than an excuse for creating/doing inconceivably monstrous acts.

She is of course used as an EVA pilot, being able to manipulate her form into a 14-year-old. She is used as a tool. She is replaceable. She knows this. She has no desires because no one has ever cared enough about Rei as her own person to let her think for herself, asked her what she wants, her likes, her dreams, her fears.

Rei's entire existence at this point is to serve, and in an eerie way, the only thing she wants is to serve Gendo, because he's shown her the only breadcrumbs of "compassion" she's ever known.

And then Shinji comes along. Shinji has no idea what she is, only that she is another EVA pilot like himself. He speaks to her as he would anyone else. He cares about her, and her well-being as another person. Actual true compassion.

In episode 06, when Rei is hurt and thought to have died by Shinji, he pries open the hatch to her EVA, ignoring the scalding heat that burns his hands to do so. He finds her alive and cries, and she smiles for him.

This scene is an exact parallel that takes place before with Rei and Gendo (Shinji's father.) He pries open the hatch, scalding his hands too, and finds her alive inside. It's identical except for one thing: Compassion.

Shinji fights to free and help Rei, and when he sees her alive, he is overcome with relief that she, Rei, is alive. He is in tears, he tells her she isn't nothing, implying her life is worth something and people care about her.

When Gendo does it, he does it like a man trying to save a valuable asset. He sees she's okay, and mutters 'I see', and that's the end of it.

Again, in episode 23, when Rei actually dies and is replaced; she is confronted by herself (the Meta Rei, the Rei in her purest, most godly self. A combination of all her sense of beings,) and realizes that she is feeling, she is lonely, she is suffering, and for the first time she cries, and asks herself if this just for her love of Gendo, before sacrificing herself in death to save everyone—specifically shinji.

She is replaced by her many clones, but this time she regains some of her memories, her feelings, her anger, and she is more human now, less vessel, more soul. She is Rei.

In the End of Evangelion, we see the depths of Gendo's depravity. He wants his wife, Yui, back as she was, of course. But in the meanwhile, there's Rei. Rei who is part Yui—a substitute. He touches her breast, an attempt to merge with her, and moves his hand down further to rest between her hips, inside her.

Rei is as much his daughter figure and a child, as she is a part of his own wife, and arises from this: an Oedipus Complex. Gendo treats her as a disposable tool, yet holds Yui at his highest priority. She is his to do with as she likes. How many times has he used her like this? How many times has he committed these atrocities with this child behind closed doors?

Amongst everything else Rei is, she is also a victim of pedophilia.

And in her final moments, while he attempts to merge with Rei in a delusional attempt to bring back Yui, Rei becomes her own being. Rei puts her foot down and says no. She's had enough.

"I will not be a puppet for you to control."

She takes the hand of Adam, fully merges with Lilith, and becomes a God.

And what does she do with all that power? She takes it all, and gives it to Shinji. The one person that ever consistently showed her care and compassion, showed her love. Made her realize she is her own person, gives her the strength to realize her worth and refuse Gendo Ikari, and choose her own path.

Her choice can be argued as good or bad, both. But in the end it was REI's choice, and no one elses.

Asuka uses her anger and her fighting as a means to cope with a barbaric childhood. Her mother, Kyoko, underwent a Contact Experiment when Asuka would have been ~5 years old.

Kyoko survived, but lost her mind completely, thinking her real daughter was actually a doll, and leaving Asuka completely neglected by her mother, all whilst begging and trying to convince her that SHE was her real daughter, not some doll she clung to.

Meanwhile, her father was completely unaffected by this, and even had moved on with another woman (An affair that had been going on before Kyoko fell apart completely, the woman being Kyoto's doctor, that she knew about, and took place in their own home while both mother and daughter were present.) Throwing himself back into his own life with this new woman, and job, Asuka was left with nothing.

Asuka's mother finally snaps and plans her own suicide. She invites Asuka, and with nothing else and wanting nothing more than to be acknowledged by anyone, agrees to take their lives together.

As if all of this isn't bad enough, as a final blow, Asuka's mother takes her own life without Asuka, leaving a five-year-old CHILD to find her mother hanging lifelessly, betrayed and alone again.

Her entire personality isn't because she's 'cool' or 'bossy', its an unfathomably traumatized child, constantly in pain and unable to trust anyone, because she has been taught as an infant that she can not rely on the people meant to care for her, because her parents taught her that in the most brutal and disturbing way possible.

There's even reference to her trying to repeat her mother's suicide after disappearing from the fight, only to be found gravely injured and withering away in a bathtub.

She fights so hard to be independent because she refuses to let herself be hurt and abandoned again.

At the End of Evangelion, even when she is screaming and crying, bleeding to death after being speared through the eye, losing power, and being cannibalized alive in her EVA, she is still so desperate, so angry, that she refuses to die, swearing vengeance on her enemies through dying rattled breaths, and it isn't until she is bombarded with blades that she finally succumbs. And at the hands of NERV.

Again, she, and every single EVA pilot, is only 14 years old.

tldr: The series is about child trauma, children being turned into soldiers, the failings of adults around them, and the tragically brutal and real aftermath of the wreaks of havoc that would have on a child.

[dearweirdme]

how do u guys not see that taehyung is using jk and tkk for attention? he has consistently claimed things that then don’t align w what jk has said/reality. if they were actually together i dont think he would want to be drawing attention to their relationship the way he does. like when he said he recorded his album at jk’s house and jk helped direct it, that was SUCH an exaggeration and he knew it. and ofc jk had to clear up the situation stating that taehyung just randomly called him up one day asking if he could record some guides at his apartment studio and jk only gave him some advice here and there abt how he should sing some lines. taehyung always find some way to mention jungkook and single out their relationship when jk doesn’t do the same. and the whole “to find you” thing…there’s no way that that’s the legitimate and whole truth. taehyung worded in a way that would catch ppls attention when in reality im sure jk would just sing that song a lot in general cuz it was stuck in his head or something, not directly to/for taehyung. bc if they were actually together and jk sang that song FOR him, taehyung would not be out here divulging all that information. he would want to keep that secret bc that is something that would directly give them away. and w the story he posted of him and jk on instagram before enlisting. that was completely on purpose for attention bc why would u not post something for jimin as well who was also enlisting the same day when u know ppl will notice that. he knew we would notice he only posted for jk and that would get attention for being just him and jk. just at least admit that taehyung mentions a lot of stuff abt jungkook on purpose bc he knows ppl like to hear it and it gets him attention while also satisfying the fans/shippers

Hi anon!

Ah, so you see… but it’s just a bit too close for comfort for you and therefore, even though Tae has been described as ‘honest’, ‘innocent’, ‘most down to earth’, etc by members.. you think he has to be lying and faking and scheming about his bond with Jk. All the while Jk (and all members) continue to speak well about Tae, showing their love and support for Tae, keep hanging out with Tae and just continue as though him ‘using’ Jk is okay? You’d rather believe all that than think that maybe Tae and Jk actually do have a special connection? Geezzz, must suck to be you.

Jk is humble, what felt like Jk directing to Tae might’ve felt as too much credit to Jk. Tae is likely to boast about Jk’s capabilities, while Jk is likely to play things like that down. Tae wanted to make him shine, Jk wanted to return some of that shine to where he felt it belonged.

Why would there be any other explanation for Jk singing ‘To find you’? Why is it inconceivable to you (we all know why…. you are either homophobic or a Tae anti.. or both)? Nothing about Tae’s demeanor in that live shows any form of faking. He was melancholic. He wanted/needed to share a piece of himself. You forget that as a part of Tkk it is his right to share pieces more than it is our right to judge. He is the one who actually knows Jk on a level that very little people do (even when you think they aren’t together). So his judgement on whether it’s alright to share something about him and Jk will always trump ours.

I can only imagine the conflicting feelings that come with having to hide a relationship. I imagine the struggle between wanting to share the thing you are proud of and that is most important to you while also wanting/needing to keep it safe and hidden is a hard one. To me that fully explains why at times we see something more real, and why at times it seems as though they keep things from us.

He absolutely posted Jk on purpose! I think you should think on that some more anon!

[dweebsqueeze]

Sweet Taste (Deku x Fem!Reader)

18+ Smut, 7.4k Words Minors DNI

Deku x Fem!Reader, Both of you are in UA University's hero course and are adults

Warnings: switch deku x switch reader, caught masterbating, public masterbating, public blowjob, getting eaten out, overstim

Summary: You are the certified hottie of Class 1A with everything except... Izuku Midoriya. You can't stand how attracted you are to him, it drives you to do something reckless. The dominant side of you takes over which ultimately brings the two you closer. Then, he shows you a completely unexpected side to him.

Part 1: Izuku's Turn

Izuku Midoriya was the sweetest boy you ever met. You desperately wished to ruin him.

You had known shy boys before who always looked flustered when you got too close or said something too suggestive. You were quite beautiful and knew how to yield it powerfully. You knew almost all the boys in class had a crush on you. Other courses referred to you as the hottie of class A. 

You were a leader in everything you did. You had top grades, an amazing quirk, and the path to your future career was brighter than ever. You had it all… well, not exactly. You wanted Midoriya. 

Some of the boys were definitely cute, but Midoriya was by far the most attractive to you. In gossipy chats with the other girls, some didn’t agree with you. They thought he was too plain looking. He was anything but that. His freckles were adorable and unique. You longed to run your hands through his wild green hair. You loved the way his kind eyes crinkled when he smiled so genuinely. God, you probably spent hours thinking about his body. The boy was chiseled. It was such a stark contrast from his soft face it drove you crazy. You also wondered what his opinion on his scars was, because you certainly thought they were beautiful. He dedicated himself to everything he did. You really respected how much of a hard worker and gentle soul he was. To you, he was the total package. 

But, it didn’t mean you couldn’t introduce him to the world of lewdness. Well, technically you were never introduced either. You had no other experience outside kissing, but you always suspected you would take a dominant role when the time came. Considering how embarrassed he got over the smallest things, it was guaranteed he had zero experience. You couldn’t believe someone didn’t snatch the boy up already, but you were thankful. When you were especially bored in class, you imagined ripping his clothes off and having your way with him. He never noticed you staring at him because he was always fully immersed in his schoolwork, sometimes muttering to himself about it. 

Lately, you had been trying to hatch a plan to get Midoriya alone. You needed to get closer to him. The entire class had been close since you all shared a dormitory. You weren’t exactly friends, but you were friendly at least. 

Izuku Midoriya was just like every other guy in class, he thought you were drop dead gorgeous. He didn’t think about you past that because the possibility you found him attractive as well was so inconceivable to him. He chose to spend his energy on things that were much more tangible. Although, sometimes when he jerked off you entered his mind. As soon as he pictured you, he would cum instantly. He felt very guilty everytime it happened. You were his classmate and it seemed wrong to think about you sexually. The next day he would always be a bit more avoidant of you.

Last night, everything between the two of you changed. 

It was late, he returned to the dorms after practicing his quirks privately. He made sure to do this when most people were sleeping because he was afraid of hurting someone stumbling in the area. Your classmates were all in their rooms except you. You were in the common room, drinking tea. Some nights you had trouble sleeping, especially now when Midoriya dominated your brain. You were thinking about him the exact moment he entered the room. 

He was sweaty and was wearing a t-shirt that hugged him in all the right places. He looked even bulkier from the exercise. You didn’t know it was possible for him to look sexier, you could’ve jumped him right then. He was still a little out of breath when he saw you. He stopped and ran a hand through his hair. Damn he’s so yummy.

“Hey, y/n.”

“Midoriya, I didn’t even realize you left.”

“Yeah, I work out at night sometimes.” It wasn’t a complete lie, but he couldn’t jeopardize his secret. He continued with a small smile, “What are you doing up?”

“Couldn’t sleep.”

“Oh that’s too bad.” He frowned a bit in concern.

“It’s okay, I’ll be fine. Well, since you’re here do you want a drink? Water, maybe? I’ll get it for you.” You were hoping he’d say yes so that you could spend some alone time with him. Although, you were worried you sounded too desperate for his company.

“Yeah, sure.” He replied gratefully and took a seat on the common room couch across from your’s. You stood up to enter the kitchen. Midoriya’s eyes landed straight to your ass. You completely forgot what you were wearing. You had on the skimpiest pair of booty shorts that you only wore to bed. You had these since middle school when you were smaller, so now the bottoms of your buttcheeks stuck out. You didn’t bother to cover up because you thought you’d be alone. You were so glad he came at a time you barely had clothes on, you could feel his strong gaze behind you. You grabbed a cup from the cabinet and filled it with water from the fridge. Midoriya’s face was already heating up, he was burning the image of your perfect ass in his memory. You came back with his water and placed it on the coffee table, with both hands and made sure to squeeze your boobs together. You also wore a tiny, almost see-through tank top. Midoriya easily found the outline of your nipples and stared at them the entire time you slowly put his water down. 

“Are you okay?” You said with innocent doe eyes, knowing full well the effect you had on him right now. 

He snapped out of his mouth-watering trance. “Huh- uh yeah, yeah, I’m great actually. Thanks so much for the water.” His face was beet red and and quickly grabbed the water and chugged the entire glass. He took a gasp of air, stood up, and hurriedly said, “Actually, uh I really gotta go to bed right now. I’ve got a lot to do tomorrow, ya know. I think we have an English test tomorrow and then we’re gonna do sparing or something, I don’t know. Uh so thanks again for water I gotta run, bye y/n.” He stumbled through his mutters with nervous laughs and almost bolted out of the room. 

Maybe you went too far and underestimated his squirmy nature. You were upset that he left so soon. You were going to have to dial down the sex appeal, or just corner him if you felt devious enough. 

Midoriya had to run so that you wouldn’t see the raging hard-on he grew while watching you. Now, he has a very clear idea of what your ass and tits look like and that was way too much to handle at once. He was already riled up from the exercise, it was way too easy for his cock to throb. He immediately went to his room. His heart was pounding from the encounter. He figured the best course of action was to get this feeling out of his system quickly to minimize his guilt. Instead of becoming a passing thought mid-masterbation, you were the complete subject of the session. He kept picturing the shape of your ass and how it wiggled when you walked. He also thought about your nipples poking out of that sinfully thin tank top and how you pushed them together. God, he wanted to bury his face in them. He cranked his shaft with more speed than usual, desperate to cum and let these thoughts go away. He was leaking so hard all over his hand, it didn’t take long for him to finish the first time. He was disappointed that you didn’t leave his mind and his cock stayed rock hard. The only solution was to go again.

You thought about how panicked he looked as he left. You tried not to, but an obsessive little voice in the back of your head was persuading you to do something very stupid. You crossed your legs in your chair, shaking your foot, trying to prevent yourself from pushing any boundaries. You weren’t one for self-control, so you caved.

You swiftly made your way to Midoriya’s room. You carefully put your ear next to the door. You suspected he might be up to a certain activity, you hoped so, it would be proof of his desire for you. Sure enough, you could hear panting coming from the room. You knew this was so wrong, but you were glued to the door. Eventually, the sounds turned to low grunts. You didn’t think he was capable of making such guttural sounds. You found it extremely hot, he usually acted so boyish this reminded you he was a man. What came next was really shocking, he started moaning your name. It was as sweet as honey coming from his lips. Your pussy ached from his moans for you. You looked around the hall, there was nobody around. You slid a hand down your shorts, making sure not to make too much noise. You were soaking and you immediately went to work on your clit. You wanted him so badly, you wished your hands could replace his. You started vigorously circling your clit as he kept moaning. Your breathing was heavy, but you were sure he was too invested in his pleasure to hear anything. You had never been so turned on, so you were close to cumming much sooner than usual. It was another lovely moaning of your name that drove you over the edge. From his tone, you could tell he was cumming, too. Your body shook while still stuck to the door, causing it to rattle. You knew you made a huge mistake as soon as the room went quiet. You ran through the hall for dear life and ducked into the nearest corner, trying to escape his line of sight.

Midoriya hastily cleaned himself up and pulled his shorts up. He opened the door, hearing heavy footsteps. His head swung to the direction of the sound, but nobody was there. He knew there was someone at the door. He was absolutely mortified. Who else would it be other than you? His body was exhausted but he couldn’t get any sleep worrying about tomorrow morning. Maybe he should just jump out and escape? There were other universities that also had great hero programs. God, this was humiliating and why was he stupid enough to say your name out loud? 

You were worried he caught a glimpse of your escape. If he did, your plans were surely ruined. It was completely invasive of you to spy on him. You knew you were in the wrong and what if you had to confront the consequences tomorrow? If you had trouble sleeping before, you definitely weren't getting any now. 

The morning came too soon for both Midoriya and you. Midoriya mustered the courage to brace the common room first. All the classmates who were up commented on how worn out Midoriya looked. He normally looked cheery at this time, but he was gloomy and developed dark eye bags. His friends expressed concern, but he tried to brush it off. The room could tell something happened, but didn’t want to interrogate him too much.

You decided the best course of action was to… pretend nothing happened. There was a chance he didn’t see you so you decided to take the gamble. You applied extra concealer to your own eye bags and tried to channel your usual confident self. 

You entered the common room like any other morning and greeted the group, although you couldn’t manage to look Midoriya in the eye. You did catch a quick glance and he looked thoroughly exhausted. It made you feel even more guilty. You fixed yourself a small bite to eat, and wanted to get out of the dorm immediately after. You walked by yourself and got an early start, you could just wait somewhere on campus for class to start. You needed a breather. 

You found a spot to stand by the wall in the least popular building which ensured nobody would be around until class began. You played a game on your phone as a distraction, it was peaceful until you were interrupted.

“Hey… y/n.” You looked up and were weakly greeted by Midoriya. He must have followed you here.

Shit.

“Hey Midoriya, what brings you here?” You said in your normal upbeat tone, your heart was pounding against your ribs.

“Um well, I wanted to ask- I don't know how to say this.” He nervously said, avoiding eye contact.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

He continued, “Did you happen to be around my room last night?” He looked down, rubbing the back of his neck.

What should you do? Do you lie? Do you confess? Every possibility seems terrible. They say the truth sets you free… let’s test it out.

“Yeah… I was.”

“So- you heard?”

“Uh-huh.”

Midoriya’s face dropped. “I’m so, so sorry! I don’t know what came over me, I went a little crazy. I- I shouldn’t be doing that and- and thinking of you. I mean- you’re my classmate and that’s just- that’s just-” 

Was he seriously blaming himself when you're the one who spied on him? This boy was way too forgiving and way too hard on himself. You rushed to try and correct him, but stumbled through your apology.

“No, Midoriya, I shouldn’t have listened. It was really stupid of me- that’s so private and I just had to know and I can’t believe I went that far. I shouldn’t have touched my-” You stopped just in time. Midoriya was the one known for rambling, but your sleep deprived mind said too much.

“What? You touched-” His eyes widened as he realized what you almost said. That realization shot straight through his cock.

You froze, there was no digging your way out of this hole. The only thing to do is double down and take advantage of the chaos that is this conversation.

“I like you. A lot. Since the first day of school, actually. I didn’t dress like that last night on purpose but when you came I definitely flaunted it. I think about you all the time. Too much probably. Damn, I didn’t want it to be like this. I was gonna try to get your attention in other ways. But now you know and- and I want you. I want all of you. I don’t think you realize how sexy you are, Izuku.” You never called him that before, but you figured that was the least shocking thing from your risky confession.

Izuku’s face turned to a new shade of red you haven’t seen before. “y/n… I don’t know what to say.”

“Don’t say anything, let me make it up to you.” Your switch flipped, you weren’t going to let the situation ruin your chances with this wonderful boy. 

You grabbed his uniform tie and turned the both of you around so he was pushed up against the wall. Adrenaline coursed through your body, then you pressed your lips against his. 

Izuku’s eyes stared at your face for a moment, still in shock. Finally he eased into the feeling, closed his eyes, and let you take control. You started slow, but with intense pressure. His lips were so soft it made you melt. Soon you wanted more and grabbed hold of his jaw, squeezing it slightly to make his mouth open. You slipped the tip of your tongue in, testing the waters. You gently massaged part of your tongue against his. He was a quick learner and followed suit. When he got used to your rhythm, you deepened the kiss. He even tasted sweet, too. Your hand left his jaw to explore his broad chest under his uniform jacket. You rubbed each pec with both hands, he made soft sounds of pleasure from the touch. You needed to hear more, your hands went lower, feeling up his abs. His sounds went from whimpers to small moans, his stomach was sensitive and he had never been touched like this before. It still wasn’t enough, you brought one hand lower and palmed the growing bulge in his pants. He broke from the kiss, “y/n, what are you doing?” He said through heavy breaths. 

“I’m making it up to you.” You said in a seductive voice. 

“y/n, we’re in a hallway right now we can’t-” he cut his own sentence off with a moan as your greedy hand moved faster

“Shh, nobody’s going to be around until the bell rings. We’re early, we've got time.”

“I- I haven’t done…” Izuku struggled to speak from the stimulation.

“It’s okay. I haven’t either, just relax. I wanna make you feel good.” 

He let out a breathy moan in response.

Your hand left his full-mast bulge to undo his belt buckle. 

“y/n- you're gonna?-” He looked down, he didn’t expect you to take it this far. His impression of you was unpredictable, so he didn’t know just how far you were going to take things in a public setting. 

You pulled out his throbbing cock from his boxers. You gasped at the sight.

“What’s wrong?” Izuku’s face twisted with worry.

“Nothing’s wrong, it’s just- You’re a lot bigger than I expected.” Excitement and nervousness mixed in your stomach. 

“You can’t say things like that. It’s… embarrassing” You noticed his blush spread to his ears and down his neck. Embarrassing wasn’t the word he really meant. He had never received such a lewd compliment and he wasn’t feeling embarrassment, he was feeling new heights of arousal.

“It’s a good thing, Izuku.” You said in a slightly teasing manner, his cock twitched at the use of his given name. His mind started to spin as you increased the speed of pumping his leaking cock.

He was trying to stifle his moans, still feeling too vulnerable in the spacious hallway. Like the little minx you are, you had to force more of his beautiful voice out.

You ducked down to kneel and prepared to take his impressive length down your throat. He looked down at you in shock, you were more daring than he already thought you were. Before he could interject, you immediately wrapped your needy mouth around the head.

You had never done this before, but you were determined to give him the greatest orgasm he’d ever experienced. You trailed your tongue around the very tip, eliciting a deep moan from Izuku. His voice was so much better in person than behind a door.

Whenever you thought about sucking dick, you were always afraid you might gag and ruin the moment. Or, that your jaw wouldn’t be able to handle a man’s girth. The heated pool between your legs and your absolute control over the most powerful future hero was enough to cast those worries aside. You took a deep breath, tried to relax your throat, and bobbed your head down to swallow him whole. 

The sudden warm, wet movement caused Izuku to throw his head back against the wall, lace his fingers through your hair, and utter out, “Fuck, y/n!”

At that moment, it occured to you that you’ve never heard Izuku curse before. You cursed everyday, so did most of your class. Hearing him curse out of pleasure from that intoxicatingly sweet mouth of his, from your doing, your pussy never clenched harder.

This motivated you to push even further. You stroked your tongue along the underside of his shaft and circled his tip every time you came up. Air didn’t matter anymore, you could live off breathing in Izuku. You were taking him in so deep that his green pubes tickled your nose at each bob down. You could smell his manly musk that sparked your most primal instincts. You couldn’t stop your hands from leaving his hips to massage his balls. You desperately wanted to coax out his cum.

His grip on your head tightened and he finally looked down at the cock-drunk sight of you devouring him. He almost came right then and there. 

“Y/n I’m close, you can stop now.” You ignored his panting plea, you were past the point of no return. 

Izuku was afraid of cumming in your mouth. He didn’t want you to get disgusted by his thick, salty seed. He predicted there was going to be tons of it.

“Y/n, you can- Ahh! Y/n I’m gonna- Fuck I’m gonna cum!”

He saw white as soon as he painted your throat with the color. He was moaning his head off as he released hot ropes of cum that seemed endless. You kept sucking with the same vigor, you had to consume every single drop. His moans were interlaced with little curses and praises for how amazing your mouth felt. You absolutely drained his balls for everything they were worth. You were already addicted to his cock. 

“Y/n, s’too much- too sensitive- AH!” His eyes started to well up with tears from the overstimulation. His pants turned to hyperventilating. His grip tightened even further to the point of pain, this was involuntary of course. 

You enjoyed torturing him with pleasure way too much. Perhaps you discovered a new sadistic side to yourself. But- you figured you should let the poor, groaning mess of a boy catch a breath. You slowed down and released him with a pop of your mouth.

He was relieved and his hold on your hair softened. His caring instincts took over as he started to stroke your hair while he tried to come back to reality. Finally, he looked down and realized- “Wait, you swallowed it?” 

You hummed sweetly in response. “You really didn’t have to do that,” Izuku said, still self-conscious as ever. You looked up at him in awe, his freckled face was beautifully blushed. His lashes were still wet from the tears of your making. His lips were a bit swollen from your passionate kiss. He looked perfect. He was still recovering from your intense performance while you helped him zip his pants. You stood up, placed a comforting hand on the side of his face only to fluster him again. You planted a much slower and caring kiss, exploring his mouth tenderly. Izuku let out a sigh of relief into you as he let the happy hormones course through his body. You pulled out of the kiss, as much as you loved seeing his adorably content face, you had to twist it again.

“See how good you taste?” You said with a devious grin.

A red tint spread all over him as entered a typical ramble of how embarrassing that comment was, worries if anybody saw or heard the two of you, and that hoards of students will be filing into the building soon. You tuned out his words as you admired him, savoring this private moment.

Part 2: Your Turn

Any conflict prior to the best orgasm Izuku ever experienced was just water under the bridge. The two of you- kind of became a thing. It was kept a secret, though. The two of you together was still so new and many aspects of this relationship were left unexplored. You hadn’t engaged in anything sexual since that fateful encounter. The entire class had been busy preparing for the provisional license exam. Any freetime your classmates and you had was consumed by extra training. The only thing Izuku and you had time for was a sneaky makeout session here and there. He got much more comfortable with you. You saw him in his most vulnerable moment and accepted- no, adored him. Sometimes, you would catch him staring at you in class and you would send him a wink back. You found small moments to communicate without words amidst two busy schedules. 

Finally, you two carved out a Saturday to have a real date. You had been looking forward to it the entire week leading up. Izuku had promised a surprise, he was in charge of planning everything which you would only discover the day of. When he suggested this, it was shocking to see him want to take control. You anxiously awaited to see what was in store. 

Izuku was overjoyed to treat you the way you deserved to be treated. He was a gentleman at heart, he wanted to make you feel special and cared for. Although, getting his cock sucked so intensely with the thrill of being caught was hot… really hot. But, he still wanted to pursue a more meaningful relationship with you. 

“Can you give me a hint?”

“If I did, you’re so smart it might spoil the surprise.”

“Aw c’mon, you’re giving me too much credit. Pleaseee.” You looked at him with the biggest doe eyes you could, making an irresistible pout.

Izuku sighed and planted his head into his hand, knowing he’d lose to that face. “Well, I guess you should know… Dinner might be involved.”

Your eyes widened, “And?”

“That’s all I’m gonna say, my lips are sealed from now on.” He motioned a zipper closing on his mouth. 

“They can’t be sealed too tight now, I’ve gotta be able to do this-” You leaned in for a kiss and grabbed a hold of his face so he couldn’t squirm too much. He’d gotten used to this by now, actually he’d gotten great at kissing. He gradually took control of more kisses which made you flustered, although your pride couldn’t let him see that.

“What am I gonna do with you?” Izuku said playfully, followed by a sweet peck on the lips. 

The day had come. Thanks to Izuku’s small hint, you had a better idea of what to wear. You probably had the best wardrobe in class A. You had several dresses that could work for the occasion. You started getting ready two hours before you normally would. You were… nervous. This was new, you always knew what to wear and you’d flash it proudly. You started to overthink everything. You wished you had more information about where you were going. You tried on all the possible choices- twice. You wanted to look the best you could for Izuku, you don't even know what he likes yet.

You finally settled on a low-cut, red cocktail dress that flaunted your gorgeous figure. You fixed your hair and makeup to compliment the outfit. You were unsure if this was too formal or informal, but you sneaked out of the dorm hoping for the best.

You both agreed to meet outside to avoid weird questions and possible teasing from your classmates. It wasn’t like the two of you had anything against your classmates, you just weren’t ready to reveal anything yet. You walked until you found him sitting on a bench not too far away from the dorms. You were close to him when he spotted you. He stood up, his face was practically glowing. You had never seen him so joyful before and that’s saying a lot for Izuku. Your eyes traveled along his form, you were relieved to see him dressed with the same formality. He wore a pine green button-up shirt which complimented his hair well. The shirt was tucked into black, pinstripe slacks and he traded his usual red sneakers for dress shoes that matched. On further inspection, the top two buttons of his shirt were left undone, revealing part of his chest. You had never seen him in anything other than his school uniform, hero costume, or workout clothes. He looks like a man- a sexy, hunky, delicious… 

Your brain temporarily shut off at his appearance, but he snapped you out of it with a big embrace. His arms wrapped around your waist snuggly, and you wrapped your arms around his neck. You breathed in his scent, he was wearing cologne. It smelled like warm spices, it was so fitting for his comforting aura. Izuku Midoriya could never let any detail be forgotten. 

He released you, but didn’t let go of your waist. His eyes trailed along your dress- more specifically your body. 

“Y/n…” His voice cut off trying to think of the right words, but there were none to really express how wonderful you looked. “You look beautiful.” Izuku said, meeting your eyes again.

“Thanks Izuku, you look really good yourself.” 

“Aw, thanks.” He replied meekly, his hand rubbed the back of his neck while looking down. You could still make him embarrassed sometimes which you found endearing. 

“So- are you finally gonna tell me where we're going?” You couldn’t wait any longer, the suspense was killing you. 

“Not yet. It’s in walking distance, though.” He took your hand with his scarred one. “Let’s go.”

The sun set as the two of you walked and chatted. It was nice just to be in his company. He was known for rambling, but it turned out he was a great listener too. He would show you little acts of affection as well. If you were waiting for a street light to let you cross the street, he would rub his thumb on your hand while holding it or he would caress the small of your back. It made you melt. 

You were confused when you arrived at your destination.

“We made it.” He said enthusiastically.

“Izuku, what is this?” You were stopped in front of a harbor. There were all kinds of grand boats lined up in front of you.

“You see that one?” He pointed to the biggest, nicest looking one. 

“Yeah?” You questioned.

“Well, we’re eating dinner there.” Your jaw dropped. Out of all the possible places you imagined, your thoughts were limited to restaurants. You were still in disbelief when he pulled you in by the waist, “C’mon.” He said while smiling ear-to-ear.

When the two of you got settled on the fantastic boat, Izuku looked a little disappointed, “We’re not allowed to take it off the dock, but at least we’ll be alone and we can take our time.”

“Izuku we’re on a boat, how did you get this?”

“Don’t worry about that, let’s go sit down.” He led you to a dinner table adorned with LED candles and a rose bouquet centerpiece. You knew Izuku and All Might were close, no doubt he was able to pull strings with him. That’s the only possible explanation for how picturesque and romantic this scene is. He pulled out a seat for you facing the ocean.

The two of you admired the view, you still expressed surprise over how fancy everything felt. He dodged any questions about how he was able to accomplish this.

You were interrupted by two people, carrying a plate of food each. They were wearing white chef’s uniforms, there must have been a kitchen below. Izuku thanked them graciously and all you could do was smile and nod. 

“How did you know my favorite food?” You questioned.

“I might’ve overheard a conversation between you and Mina about it. Please don’t think that’s creepy.” Izuku looked concerned.

“No, this is amazing!” Nobody had ever done anything this special for you before. You could feel tears start to bubble up from how happy you were feeling in this moment. Times like this make you realize why you like Izuku so much, the two of you have more in common than you think.

“Oh, don’t cry. Because if you cry, I’ll start crying even harder and we won’t be able to eat this.” He said so seriously which made you giggle. He smiled back at you and the tears dried. The two of you shared one of the most delicious meals of your life.

When you were done, the two of you talked about all kinds of things. Like the upcoming license exam, goals for the future, and dorm shenanigans. Izuku took both of your hands that were resting on the table.

“Y/n, tonight- I wanna return… the favor.” He couldn’t stop his face from flushing bright red as he hesitantly spoke.

“What do you mean?” You said, teasing him.

“You know, I wanna- make you feel good.” He said so softly it was almost a whisper. 

“Oh… so you mean that favor.” You replied with a cheeky smirk. The thought of him going down on you was exciting. You knew your body very well, you figured you could guide him through it.

“I did some research on it.” He said with hopeful eyes, but went back to being embarrassed by what he blurted out.

You chuckled at that. Of course he would research something like that, typical Izuku.

You figured he had enough teasing, so you continued, “Okay, I’d like that.” You flashed him a gentle smile of reassurance. He squeezed your hands back.

“So, we should get going.” You suggested. You felt ready for what’s to come, or so you thought.

It had gotten late and most of your classmates either went to sleep or were out on their own excursions. It was easy for you both to slip back to your dorm room. The two of you agreed beforehand that his All Might merch might be a distraction. You pulled him into your room by his hand, shut the door, and pushed him against the wall into a deep kiss. You caught him in a similar position that kicked off your last sexual rendezous. But things were different this time, the two of you were much more comfortable with each other and you were in a private setting. He grabbed your hips and matched your pace immediately. You enjoyed taking control, but you also loved this more confident version of himself. You lost yourself to the kiss, you were both exploring each other’s mouths with so much passion-you forgot to breathe. 

Izuku pushed you by the hips toward your bed, never breaking the kiss. You both stopped when the back of your knees bumped the edge. He pulled away from the kiss only to push you down to lay on the bed. He wanted to be gentle, but he used more force than expected. You fell on the bed and gasped for air from the all-consuming kiss and the shock of falling. 

“Y/n, I’m sorry- Was that too much?” He was still standing by the edge of the bed, but then bent down and rested his hands beside you. You were looking up at him, he looked concerned and anxiously awaited your answer.

Izuku pushed you on the bed and now he’s on top of you. Damn.

He was slightly panting and his lips were already swollen from use. “It wasn’t… that was really hot actually.” Your face heated up… and something else. 

He accepted that as an invitation to climb on top of you and continue your borderline feral kiss. His big hands roamed your body, you could feel your core throb and drip already. When one of his hands dropped to your hip, you tried to push it under the side of your dress. You ached for more.

He pulled his hand away and lifted his head up. This made you let out a disappointed whine. 

“I wanna take it slow with you tonight. There’s no need to rush.” At any other moment, you would’ve thought you won the man lottery from that statement. But, you were so needy for more stimulation, it just frustrated you. You’ve only made out and he’s already reduced your usually dominant personality into a pleading mess.

“Please, Izuku.” You looked up at him with doe eyes and gently cupped his face with both hands. Your little plea and the look in your eye made his cock twitch. Last time, you completely bombarded him. This time, he came prepared. You didn’t know that at least half of his sexual fantasies involved being dominant despite his usual demanor. Seeing you underneath him like this ignited a fire deep inside that had never been fully explored.

Izuku dived down to suck on your neck which caused you to suck in a breath. His lips felt so warm and soft against you. You just closed your eyes, held his head, and relaxed to the feeling. He worked his way downward, as soon as he was in “usually covered by clothes territory,” he sucked harder. You could tell he was planning to leave marks when he gently bit you to get more of your chest in his mouth. He got to his lowest point yet, the top of your right breast. His hand trailed up to grab hold of it, cupping it deeper into his mouth. You were shocked by how bold he was getting, you were whimpering at the sensation. His other hand followed suit and cupped your left breast. When he succeeded in leaving a mark, he rose and pulled your torso up with him. 

“I wanna take this off you.” He said, his hands slid to your back, fumbling for a zipper. 

“Wait.” He paused at your request. “Take your shirt off first.”

His eyebrows shot up, “O-Okay.” You had to get some control back somehow, plus you desperately wanted to see his glorious muscles in action. As soon as he had a couple buttons undone, he just pulled the shirt over his head and threw it off to the side. You were satisfied at how quickly he followed your command. Your hands immediately latched onto his pecs. You moved them up and down, admiring his physique. Your hands trailed lower to his abs, you could feel his breath get more shaky as his chest rose and fell. Izuku gulped as he watched you trace the outlines of every muscle. Your pussy was pulsing at the sight of him, this man was going to make you go crazy. Your hands inched even lower until you grabbed his belt, but he quickly stopped you.

Izuku shook his head, “No, I already told you what I wanted to do tonight.” he said softly as his hands reached around to unzip your dress. He slid the straps down to reveal your bare breasts. He already got a strong hint of them when he saw you in your tiny tank top, but this was too much. He pushed you down again and his mouth quickly found your nipples. He started by circling his tongue around one while his thumb circled the other. You moaned at the feeling, your tits felt so sensitive. It shot a wave of pleasure to your cunt. He started to lightly suck on it which really drove you wild. 

He released himself from your nipple and took in the vision of you. “Fuck, you’re so beautiful y/n.” Izuku said before sucking the other nipple. You panted and whined at the stimulation. You let your hands feel his strong shoulders holding him up. When he had his fill of your perfect tits, he peppered your stomach with kisses. He slowly slid down the rest of your dress. Finally, he was getting to where you wanted so bad. You were sure your panties were soaked by now. Izuku looked back up at you, you knew what he was asking with his eyes. You answered by lifting your hips up as he completely removed your dress, tossing it to the side where it found a home next to his shirt. Now you were only in your panties, you felt so exposed yet so excited. 

Izuku noticed that your panties were indeed soaked. Knowing that it was from his own doing, his cock reached new levels of hardness. Before he took them off, he lowered himself down to leave a sweet peck on your lips. 

“Y/n, you ready?” Izuku checked in with you.

You hummed and nodded, stroking his wild curls. He gave you such a joyful smile despite the lewd action next. He moved his body off the bed, slid down your panties, and kneeled in front of the bed’s end. Izuku grabbed your thighs and pulled you closer to him. He took your calves and hoisted your legs over his shoulders. His face was hovering right above your throbbing pussy. He looked back up at you and kept your gaze as he left a soft kiss on your clit. Your body was trembling, he stabilized his grip on your thighs.

Shy, sweet, and gentle Izuku- so you thought- attacked your cunt with his mouth. You were expecting him to start slow and you would have to occasionally give instructions. He definitely did his research. His tongue immediately started circling all around your needy clit. You let out a moan and your hands flew to grab his head. 

Izuku groaned at your flavor. “You taste so good,” he mumbled in the middle of lapping up your juices. It sounded like he was enjoying this just as much as you. He was practically humming with glee as his mouth devoured your core. This was nothing like touching yourself. You were ten times as turned on and his tongue gave you just the right amount of light pressure. Your breaths and moans sped up at his ministrations.

Your pleasure was building up, he hit your sweet spot which made you grab his hair tighter. “Izuku, fuck, right there-” You gasped as you spoke. He followed your lead and focused on circling that spot. Your legs were shaking, you never felt better in your entire life. You were flying higher and higher on cloud nine of his creation. 

“I’m close- I’m so, so, close. Yes, yes,” You uttered breathily. 

“Mhm, cum for me y/n.” Izuku whispered over your clit, “Cum for me.”

What he did next made you crumble and your climax snapped. He started sucking that spot. Waves of pleasure bloomed from your pussy and spread throughout your body. Izuku squeezed your thighs together, smothering himself, and held you down as your body seized. Your hips moved on their own to grind on his face. Your head flew back on the bed and you became a moaning, creaming mess. You were consumed by the pleasure until it started easing away. 

But Izuku didn’t stop. “Izuku, I came. We’re done?” You questioned, voice a little strained from all the moaning.

He hummed “Nuh-uh” and shook his head between your thighs as he picked up his slowed pace. Your clit was so sensitive, he didn’t give you a break.

“Ah! Izuku- I can’t, I-” Tears started to form from overstimulation. You were panting as if Izuku stole the air from the room. Your next orgasm was approaching even faster since his mouth never left your pussy. You couldn’t find words anymore. The sensations were taking over your entire being. He didn’t speak either, he just relentlessly sucked your cunt, desperate to see you come undone yet again. 

Your body shook again, even harsher this time. His fingers dug into your skin to hold you steady as he maintained his brutal pace. You let out unfamiliar, guttural moans. Not the usual high-pitched, breathy ones. Your voice went deep and you writhed around like an animal as you reached new heights of pleasure. Your new sounds riled up Izuku even more. 

You started to feel lightheaded until Izuku slowed down and finally stopped altogether. His mouth went lower to your entrance where your honey dripped out. He carefully licked it, making sure to avoid any area he already destroyed. When you reeled from your orgasmic haze, you looked down at him. You couldn’t help but find him adorable again when you saw Izuku with his eyes closed, slightly smiling, and humming as he savored your cum. After he tasted most of it, he lifted himself up and let your legs rest beside him. 

Your breathing was still shaky, but you returned to full consciousness. “Where… did that come from?”

“Uh… I got a little carried away.” He shyly responded as his blush went darker. 

“Well, now it's your turn.” You wanted to engage in some playful revenge.

“Y/n, you don’t have to worry about that.”

“No, Izuku- I want to.” You pleaded.

“Really, I’m fine.” Izuku stood up and you realized what he was trying to say. You found a wet patch around his crotch. “I got excited…”

Your eyes widened, he loved eating you out so much he came without stimulation? You were flattered and speechless. 

He bent over you, held your chin up, and dived in for an open-mouthed kiss. His tongue pushed inside and you succumbed to his control. You could taste yourself on him, it was tangy yet sweet. The both of you sighed into yourselves, basking in euphoric afterglow. 

Izuku left the kiss, smirked, and teased you with your own words, “See how good you taste?”

[beevean]

It intrigues me that some of the most interestingly baffling takes I see about characterisations are on Gerald of all people. There seem quite a few takes here that he was irrevocably evil, rotten to the core, cackling manically as he hurt and damaged the being he'd brought into the world with no regard for Shadow's wellbeing, and so on and so forth. And that is barely putting it as graphically as the statements about all the "torture" "Shadow" "faced" on the ARK I have read before.

But to me, Gerald seems so incredibly heavily driven by love instead? He originally did not even want to create the Ultimate Lifeform, as he deemed it something humanity should not muddle with, but his love for Maria and desperation to save her life made him accept this burden. He very explicitly calls Shadow his son, tells him he's made a mistake with accepting Black Doom's help, and worked to ensure humanity had a defence against the Black Arms. He gave Emerl and Shadow a soul like Maria's, so that these weapons of mass destruction would never fight and only use their powers selflessly. In Battle, Rouge could not spell out more to the nose that he was researching ways to bring hope and happiness to people (similarly discussed by Shadow and Maria in SA2), but forced by those in power to use his creations for war instead. When Gerald goes insane, he himself talks about the fright it gave him, that he can only think about revenge. With the added complete lack of indication Shadow was ever mistreated in any way on the ARK, the idea of Gerald as some conniving bastard gleefully causing Shadow suffering (or even just somberly causing him suffering In The Name Of Science) holds no more water at all to me. He is not at all a flawless person, but until the point he learned he lost Maria, all his concerns were centered around the happiness of the world instead. And personally, I find the idea of a person driven by love to go insane because that love caused him to lose his most important person, which only then makes him hurt his other creation he earlier regarded as a son, a lot more interesting than someone who simply always was evil and disdainful of said creation and just regarded him as a tool to help someone else. Shadow was more to Gerald that just that, of that I am certain.

I'm very glad I did not encounter a single instance of what you saw :) but I don't doubt that some fans really headcanon Gerald as being cruel. After all, apparently some are going around painting Sonic & co. as monsters for not playing therapist for Neo Metal Sonic...

It makes sense. If a fan really wants to imagine that Shadow suffered like hell on the ARK, it goes without saying that in this interpretation Gerald was a bastard who didn't care about his creation.

Anyway, it is inconceivable to me to play SA2 or ShTH (not even including Battle as at this point I think only 5% of the current fandom even remembers it) and come away with the conclusion that Gerald didn't adore Maria and Shadow. But, well. I may have answered my own question :P

@skaruresonic did you see anything resembling this?

[1001scoganmusings]

Sacraficial heart

A/N: Kicking off kinktober on the lords day with the most elusive and coveted kink of them all, a loving and healthy relationship where both people are simps for each other.

P.S, Trying out a black hat POV. Idk what do you think?

Demons don’t go to heaven.

That is the law. Not that I ever cared. Never being one to take orders from a capricious and uncaring lesser being. Though perhaps the angels were on to something with the whole giving up power and control bit. And while I know I’ll never enter the pearlescent gates and be welcomed in to eternal paradise by a chorus of angels; if that was even how those things go. It was in these moments alone with my beloved that I could swear I was already there.

Pleasure steadily mounting higher and higher, engulfing me like a blazing inferno, searing my very flesh, and imprinting itself on to me both body and soul.

Too much. It was too much. And yet, not enough.

My legs held wide open and bent back, knees touching my chest as Flug drove his cock in to my slit hard and fast. “Black hat.” moaned flug, his fingers digging into the soft tender flesh of my thighs. His eyes half lidded and darkened with desire. Sensual and soft lips parted releasing some of the most filthy and erotic noises that would make even the most devious of sinners blush.

Why had I denied himself this for so long? Why did I ever fight his love? It was inconceivable. How could I have ever not wanted this? How foolish. How down right criminal and selfish l had been. To think I might’ve gone my whole immortal life without ever really knowing, truly knowing what it was to be baptized and reborn. To be made wholly by the love of another. No not another. By flug. God’s most perfect creation.

I lifted my head, groaning as I looked down at the place where we were joined. Watching as Flug’s cock, shiny and wet with my love juices, plunged in to me, disappearing over and over again in to my slit with wet squelching noises; completely drenching the dark brown patch of curls at the base of his cock. My own cock slapping against my stomach with a wet smack, pre dribbling out from the weeping head, forming a small puddle that was slowly spilling on to my stomach an up towards my chest with every thrust. What a mess we were making.

“So tight.” whined Flug pushing his damp sweaty hair out of his eyes. “Fuck, you feel so good.” He babbled nonsensically. “Never. Never wanna stop fucking you. So perfect. Mine. Your all mine. Your. all. fucking. mine.” He groaned. I grit my teeth, my toes curling as he punctuated each word with a deliciously deep thrust.

The possessiveness in Flug’s voice was quickly unraveling my sanity even more than before.

“Yours, all yours, only yours.” I moaned softly. “No one else could ever do. Never. It is you and you alone who has my heart.” His gaze turning soft and adoring as he looked down upon me.

Releasing my death grip on the sheets to reach up with shaky hands, wrapping my arms around Flug’s neck, and pulling him down, needing to feel him still ever so closer.

Lips so soft and warm pressed themselves against my own. Flug’s tongue probing the seam of my lips gently asking for entrance. As if I would deny this man anything at this point. Flug only but needed to ask and I would happily rip out my own beating heart and serve it on a silver platter like the love sick fool that I had become.

The kiss was sloppy and messy, all teeth and tongue, but I didn’t care, couldn’t be bothered to. The warm wet glide of our tongues against one another was making me dizzy with need.

Only for Flug and Flug alone would I allow this. Allow myself to be held. Treated for the first time in my entire life as something fragile. Something to be cherished and, dear god dare I say it? Something, worthy of love.

A lump formed in my throat at the thought. How long had I endured alone? All these millennia roaming the world with a protective wall around his heart. Convincing myself all the while that love was nothing more than a wretched and foul thing meant to control and prey upon weak willed and mindless creatures.

How truly delusional and demented demons are. Using any and all excuse to cope with the ache of loneliness lest it drive us mad. It would’ve made him laugh if it wasn’t so pathetic and simultaneously true.

To think this man, this brilliant and wondrous divine creature above him had chosen him. Chosen Him; to bestow his love upon. To spend what precious little time he’d been given, with him. With him.

His. Flug was his.

Mine.

Mine.

All mine.

Black hat broke the kiss, lips still pressed against Flug’s and whispered, “I love you.”

“Again. Say it again.” demanded Flug.

“I—I love you.” stammered black, silently cursed Flug for making me stumble over my words like an idiot with those loving eyes of his.

“Again.”

“I love you.”

“Again.”

“I love you you damned dolt. How many time must I repeat—“

Flug slotted his mouth against my own, delving his tongue in to my mouth and kissing me fiercely once more as he sped up his movements. Dear god it felt as if this man was going to break me. I secretly hope he does. He’s already ruined my heart and soul. What more would it mean if he ruined my body so that no other could bring me to the heights of ecstasy as he could.

My hands threading themselves in Flug’s hair pulling him ever so closer, deepening the kiss. My heart doing somersaults in my chest as our tongues met again.

“Cum jefecito. Cum on my cock, now.” Slurred flug as he kissed me deeply, snaking a hand down between us to stroke my cock in time with his thrusts.

The double sensation being too much, driving me over the brink. My body going taught and ridged as my orgasm crashed over me like a tidal wave. I broke the kiss as a loud terrible inhuman cry left my throat. Thick ropes of cum one after the other shot all over Flug’s hand and stomach. “So cute, so cute. God I love you. I love you, Iove you, I love you.” He chanted, chasing his own release, a few more thrusts before he jilted himself. His warm cum making me shiver as he filled me.

Sleek black tentacles with tiny mouths sprouted from black hat’s body. They slithered down Flug’s legs and arms, and up over his back caressing and showering any pieces of skin their mouths could reach with kisses of adoration. Some sucking marks and leaving bites of their own.

“Your so cute boss.” panted flug, gazing down at him with nothing short of pure love and affection before kissing him again tender and sweet before collapsing on top of him and snuggling into his chest.

More immortals lose themselves chasing the ever fickle love of humans. I knew this. Hell I’d bore witness to it time and time again. Laughing and jeering at others of my kind as they fell to their demise from chasing the ever elusive beast that was a human’s heart. Oh how cunning and cruel a mistress irony was indeed.

And still here I was ever the fool laying, quite literally, at the feet of said proverbial beast. Welcoming with open arms not only the ruin and destruction of my good reputation as a demon but the desolation of my heart as well should flug ever decide to crush me, hurt me so detrimentally that I might not ever recover.

But it was too late. I was hopelessly and irrevocably in love with Flug. No other would do. My traitorous heart was set.

“My heart is not but a sacrificial lamb for slaughter, to be devoured by the insatiable hunger of your love.” I whispered against flug’s temple as he lay in my arms already fast asleep, our bodies a tangled heap of limbs. “For not even death can part us now beloved. And god help any who think to try.”

[ceo-of-daichi]

18+ (tw | miguel using his fangs+claws, fem!oral, implied friends with benefits, absolutely zero aftercare oops. NOT PROOF READ)

Thinking about Miguel O’Hara…

You think you are being careful. Careful of your surroundings. Careful not to get caught.

Hiding the relationship that you two had, if you could call it that, was harder than both of you expected.

In fact, you wouldn’t call it a relationship, you would call it an agreement. Which was basically if he needed you, you would be there.

It sounds one sided, which it was, but you couldn’t deny how much you enjoyed sneaking around for him.

As you are sneaking around a corner, you let out a scream which is luckily muffled by a hand over your mouth as you are pulled into an embrace.

An embrace you recognised immediately to be Miguel.

“I would stop screaming if I were you, people might hear” he whispers, letting his fangs run along the shell of your ear.

This immediately shuts you up.

“Mmm, thats what I thought” he chuckles softly as he releases your mouth, the noise was rare to hear as he only ever gave a hint of a smile or a laugh to you.

Which you think is a shame because its a beautiful sound.

“Maybe you should give me a bit of a warning next time then, Miggy!” You growl out his nickname, as you turn to face him. Your arms now crossed across your chest, eyes boring into him.

“You know I hate when you call me that” he snarls, baring his fangs before pressing a forceful kiss to your lips, almost knocking you over.

Your hands suddenly grasp his arms for support, all thoughts completely leave your mind as all you can suddenly concentrate on is how his lips feel against yours.

They were soft, which always caught you off guard. Not expecting him to be someone who used a chapstick - well, ever.

His hands though, were always rough, especially as he flipped you against the wall. Trailing his claws along your sides before pushing both hands up your shirt.

He left goosebumps in his wake as he explored your upper body, occasionally pinching some skin which causes you to squirm in his hold.

You let your head fall against the wall, already feeling the heat building in your core. He hadn’t even touched you yet, but every touch of his hand left fire in its wake.

“Miguel, por favor…” you whine, pathetic really. How much you craved him, after only a few touches.

He smirks, his cock twitching in his pants at the sound of you so needy for him.

Miguel wastes no more time, he hoists you up so your legs are around his shoulders, his face in line with your clothed pussy. It takes him mere moments to rip through your sweats and panties, before he’s burying his face in your cunt.

His mouth and tongue moves feverishly and before you know whats going on, your hand is gripping his hair and your head is thrown back.

His fangs occasionally catch against your bundle of nerves and your body jolts from the slight bit of pain that quickly gets lost in the overwhelming pleasure.

Every stroke of his tongue through your puffy folds is like a shock through your body, you feel completely at his mercy as he presses his face deeper. His tongue thrusting in and out of your sopping hole.

Your whines and moans become inconceivable as he pulls you closer and closer to the edge, your whole body feeling like a volcano on the brink of an eruption.

Although when you cum, all you feel is calm, your body is being washed over by waves of pleasure, your vision white.

He carefully puts you back down on the ground, your legs barely being able to hold you up without his support.

Once he knows your okay to stand on your own, he leans and kisses your forehead. Its how he thanked you for sessions like these.

And he walked off around the corner, leaving you a mess in the small corridor.

You know the next time you see him, would be something similar. Except next time, he would be the one seeing white.

[mybiasisexo]

Normal 🍜

Genre: idek | exopower!au Pairing: sehun x Reader Length: 946 Warnings: vague...just like this warning lmfaooo

@avatarren asks: I love Drabble games! I’d like to request number 7 & 11 with Sehun!

a/n: idkw this one was so difficult for me. ig im getting rusty 😭

DRABBLE GAME | MASTERLIST

You were in the kitchen of your small apartment when some commotion caught your attention. You turned around and screamed from the top of your lungs when you saw a dark figure by your open window—which was not opened by you.

“It’s just me!” An urgent, familiar voice assured.

“Oh Sehun!” You cried as you placed a hand over your racing heart. “You scared the hell out of me!”

“You should really lock your windows,” he reprimanded as he closed the one he entered from, before coming into the light of the kitchen. He was dressed like a soldier, his dark hair cut short, exposing his beautifully sculpted face.

“I live on the fourth floor,” you informed him, trying not to get too distracted by his beauty.

“Still….” He leaned against your counter that sat between you both.

You go back to the ramen you were cooking, trying to ignore the tall man behind you.

You’ve known Sehun for five years now. It was a rather long story, but you had gotten yourself tied up in some scary illegal government stuff, and he had helped you out of it. Helped you get back to normality.

Unfortunately, normal was a word he never could get used to himself. He was a soldier, a defender for both this world, and one he no longer inhabited, apparently. It was all very inconceivable. All you truly understood was that he ended up stuck on Earth fighting some evil force, and he and his other friends may or may not have superpowers.

Yeah, very inconceivable.

“Ramen?” You asked.

“Yeah,” he was quick to agree. You put the pot on the counter, handing him some chopsticks. He didn’t waste any time digging in.

“You’re dressed for war,” you mentioned, noting the camo outfit and boots.

He scratched his head. “Suho found a lead. We’re heading out to investigate in the morning.”

“Oh….”

“You scared for me?” He questioned with a smirk, teasing you.

You rolled your eyes. “I should know by now that you don’t need the concern. But…. I feel like somebody needs to. You guys are always putting yourself in danger. Whenever you leave, I always wonder if….”

You were revealing too much, getting to emotional. He caught onto that, and gently asked you to continue.

You inhaled some courage. “I wonder if it’s going to be the last time I’ll ever see you.”

His eyes took you in. You watched as they bounced around, locking with every point of your face.

“You have nothing to worry about,” he finally answered. Not going to lie, you felt disappointment from his reply. “It’s our job. Why we were created.”

“But you have lost people,” you reminded him, thinking about the Luhan fellow he brought up occasionally. The best friend that wasn’t able to escape the hell they endured when they first landed onto this planet. “You are capable of dying, you know?”

“We’re stronger now. And we’re always careful, we know what we’re doing.”

“I know,” you said, dropping your gaze to the little bit of broth left in the pot. You shook your head. “Never mind. Pretend I never mentioned it.”

He went back to quietly observing you. This was what your relationship mostly consisted of. He would pop in out of nowhere and watch you, as though he was trying to understand how humans worked.

He pursed his lips and walked around the counter to stand before you. As if he weren’t completely sure what he was doing, he slowly lifted his glove-covered hands to your face, pulling it up so that you were looking at him. Your breath got caught in your throat at the contact, he’d never touched you before, not like this. It was…intimate.

“Thank you for your concern,” he said. “It makes me feel good, knowing someone cares if I’m dead or alive.”

“Is that why you always come back?” You questioned, sounding a bit more bitter than intended.

He grinned down at you. “You’re my person. You’ll always be the one I go to.”

Your eyes widened from his confession. His person. It was the most romantic thing he’d ever said, but you weren’t sure if that’s what he meant it as or not. Maybe you were reading too much into it. His eyes glimmered with something though, something that led you to believe he was indeed being romantic, in his own little way.

You smiled up at him. “You’re sure it’s not just because you saved me all those years ago?”

“I’ve saved a lot of people,” he told you. “But I don’t check up on them.”

“Just me?” You breathed.

He nodded.

“Okay.” You blushed and glanced away, growing shy. “Well, before you go, I should give you something. As a thank you for saving my life.”

“You don’t owe me anything for that,” he declined.

“All the same.”

You stood up on your tip toes to press your lips against his. It was quick. He didn’t even have time to react before you were falling back to your feet. When you pulled away, he leaned down, returning the gesture. You share a few more kisses, his arms going around your waist, yours to his covered forearms.

When he finally pulled away, he rested his forehead against yours. “I’ll need that again, I think.”

You giggled. “Whenever you’re back from your mission, I’ll gladly give you however many more you want.”

He hummed and gave into the urge to kiss you again, this one lingering. Once you slowly broke it, he left you—out the door this time.

You stood in that kitchen, shaking and praying that he would return unscathed.

[thickenmyblood]

With 15/20(?) chapters completed for hand in unlovable hand, I still can’t understand how any version of Laurent could have a sexual and romantic relationship with a person he barely knows and clearly doesn’t love. It seems so totally out of his nature. I respect you making this choice for the story you wanted to tell, I guess I’m just curious why you made it. Pacat said that Laurent is an “all or nothing” person, so the idea that he could dump Damen and shortly start hooking up with some random jerk like Maxime is really hard to fathom. The guy seems like a pretentious, performative douchebag that the canon Laurent would have ridiculed and excoriated, not someone he would have considered as any type of partner. Laurent choosing to have sex with someone like that is inconceivable and unrecognizable to me. I love how you write Nicaise and a lot of the other relationships, and again, it’s your story and so whatever characterization you choose is your right! But regardless of whatever in-story reasons your Laurent has for being like this, I hope at some point you as the author will also talk about why you wrote him in this way. Thanks for reading my opinion.

hello! my reply will be below the cut.

i don't think we're at a point in hiuh where you can fully understand why laurent started seeing maxime, so i don't exactly fault you or anyone else for asking this kind of question. this reply will sadly give you very few spoilers on laurent's motivations. what needs explaining will be explained in the fic, and whether you or other readers agree/disagree with it (as in, laurent's intentions and actions and thought process), from a moral or even psychological point of view, exceeds the limits of my writing.

however, what does concern my writing is the characterization aspect of your ask. i understand that fanfiction, by definition, does not exist in a bubble. it is a derivative work. it comes from somewhere else. obviously, when compared to canon (where laurent turned down every single romantic/sexual offer he had before and after damen), hiuh exhibits a lot of contradictions and apparent ooc-ness. it is impossible not to compare fanfiction to its original source. without the og material, there would be no fanfiction.

having said all of this, i think your ask and overall perspective overlooks the main point of the fic itself. in order to understand hiuh (boiled down to its bare tags: a breakup fic), you have to understand why laurent dumped damen. for the first half of the fic, damen himself doesn't understand this. he looks at the truth and denies it, time and time again, rewriting the narration of their break up to fit into a more comfortable lie: he didn't dump me, it was a mutual agreement. later on, once damen has had some character growth, he realizes that it was laurent that initiated the breakup and why.

laurent did not break up with damen because he was cheating on him, because he was bored, because he was suddenly straight. laurent broke up with damen because he felt that damen was hurting nicaise, emotionally and psychologically. in fact, we have seen in early chapters how nicaise absorbed damen's harmful messages on mental health/masculinity/self-expression. whether or not that was the right decision is not the point. whether or not laurent became the Perfect Single Parent after the breakup is not the point. laurent broke up with damen because they were vastly different and they were no longer good for/to each other. that was laurent's reasoning, flawed or not, morally correct or not, hypocritical or not. in real life, people make decisions and convince themselves of why they're right all the time. why should fiction be the exception?

now that we have established that the breakup was not simply a whim on laurent's end, we can perhaps approach laurent's dating life with a more balanced perspective. is laurent truly and irrevocably in love with maxime? so far into the story, damen doesn't know, which means we don't know. he sees them together, they seem happy, he concludes that they're in love. has damen always been right in hiuh and, dare i say, in canon? no. why did laurent start dating someone so radically different from damen and yet so much like him? have you thought about how much damen and maxime might have in common and where they differ? why is maxime more awful than damen? maxime made some bad, reproachable comments. but so did damen at the start of the fic. has damen not been pretentious throughout the fic? has he not thought himself above others, judged them, ridiculed them, and hurt them? has damen not hurt laurent? (yes, laurent also hurt damen, i will address this in a different ask). i know i have said this before, multiple times, and i stand by it: economic class is NOT examined well or thoroughly in hiuh. however, are maxime and damen not rich? do they come from different economic backgrounds? aren't they both slightly out of touch with reality? what is it about maxime that truly gets on your nerves?

it is more than okay to read this version of laurent and 1. not understand why he is the way that he is, given that it hasn't been explained in the story yet and 2. not like it. you and anyone reading the fic is completely, 100% allowed to dislike, hate, loathe, be irritated to the point of tears by this version of him. what i care about is that when the fic is done, you look at him, IN THE VERY SPECIFIC CONTEXT OF THIS STORY, and see a consistent, well-written characterization. this is not about readers rooting for lamen, for laurent, for damen, for true ever lasting love... this is about the story making sense. that is what i care most about: coherence and consistency.

to answer your final question: why did i choose to write laurent like this? i chose to write laurent the way i saw him to be in canon. snarky, smart, sometimes unjustifiably mean, and at his very core self-hating. that is my personal interpretation of laurent. from the moment we disagree on any of those pillars, it becomes quite difficult to think that we are talking about the same character. yes, he is frigid in canon, he is saving himself for the grave, he is not at all promiscuous. but to me, his self-hatred is perhaps his most defining feature. and, obviously, my favorite. which is not to say you can't read laurent as someone that doesn't hate himself in canon. you can. these are not my books, and even if they were i wouldn't dream of telling you what you can or can't think about them. yet this is my vision, this is how i see him.

as for the "all or nothing" quote, i believe you are talking about a snippet from the summer palace. if not, correct me. i have many, many, many issues with that short story. that is why i have decided to exclude further commentary on that from my reply. i hope you understand. either way, I don't see how that statement contradicts what's happened so far in hiuh.

i don't want you or anyone reading this to take my reply as a slap on the wrist or some sort of "angry writer yells at a cloud" exposition. i am not mad, and i like getting questions and comments that challenge my writing, that ask for clarification, that complain. this is part of being a writer and sharing your work with others and i am more than fine with it. i wish, if anything, that i had more time to explain and reply, to quote my own work and give you specific examples for things, but i do not have that luxury.

thank you for your time!

PS. this entire commentary is not to be taken as The Author's Interpretation Is The Holy Word.