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fangirl-dot-com · 11 months

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Chapter 5 - Put it into Speed Drive

Longer chapter this time! The next update probably won't be until Tuesday, and or Wednesday night and then Thursday.

For planning, after 2023 is up, I will not be keeping up with the actual schedule for the races. The chapters will still come in chronological order, but it won't be week by week. This will be the start of the parallel universe.

If you want to be added to the tag list, please comment! And now enjoy the show :)

You were practically buzzing after the suit fitting. It was just one step closer to getting you in the car. Which would happen very soon. Sunday to be exact. Tomorrow. There were just so many words to describe how soon it was.

You went from no open doors in F1 to a door that was blown to bits and then shredded, leaving a giant hole for you to just walk through. However, your daydreams of blowing doors up were interrupted by the growl of you stomach. You walked through the door of the fitting room and found Vito right where you left him.

Such a good manager.

He was talking to someone though, and you really didn’t want to interrupt. But, your stomach was about to commence in the whale mating call song and you really didn’t want anyone to hear that. Your eyes glanced around before they landed on Mitch, who seemed to just be typing on her tablet.

You quickly walk over and tap her on the shoulder. “Mitch, uh, where would I be able to find some food?”

She looked up from her tablet with a smile. Dang, did she just smile at everything?

“I can take you to get some food if you’d like me to?” she responded. You quickly nodded your head. Taking the lead, Mitch started to walk over to the other side of the sim room. How many rooms were connected to this place? You wondered as she opened a door.

“This room is one of the more private areas, which in return, gets its own side of the building. From here you’re able to reach just about any other place.” Now that was creepy, could she read your mind?

Your face must have been in a contemplative look as she let out a small laugh. The walk was short as the two of you entered an all-while room. A small cooking bar was to the left while tables and chairs littered the rest of the floor. Your mouth was wide open.

You told Mitch, “Dams is not this nice.” A pout came from you.

“Well, now you don’t have to be jealous. You know that you work here now,” she reminded you as she took a tray and began to walk down the bar. You followed her doing and picked up your own tray. Looking up, you gazed over the menu, trying to find something that looked like it would fit in your diet.

“By the way, everything here is supposed to go hand in hand with a driver’s diet. So pick anything you’d like,” a voice said from behind the counter. A woman with a hairnet smiled as you finally decided on a club sandwich with some chips (the crunchy kind – not French fries). Once you got your food, you walked over to the table next to the window where Mitch was already sitting.

You quickly remember that you practically left Vito, so you shot him a quick text letting him know where you were. In typical fashion, she just sent a thumbs up emoji. What a dad.

The two of you ate in silence for a bit, before Mitch spoke up.

“So kid, tell me a little bit about yourself.” She took a bite of her sandwich.

You quickly swallowed. “Uh, I’m 20 years old. I’m from a lot of places, didn’t really stay in one place for long. The longest I stayed anywhere was Texas for 5 years (a.n. shameless plug). I’m pretty introverted and don’t normally talk to others first. I have a little apartment in Nice, but now I think I should look for one close to here. I am an only child. And Danny DeVito is my spirit animal.”

Mitch almost spit out her drink as her shoulders began to shake. That also got you laughing. “What about you?” you questioned back. You were beginning to feel sad because your sandwich was almost gone.

“Well, I am 35. I have been at Red Bull for two years now. I was an engineer before this and worked on the car. I don’t have any kids.”

You interrupted her, “Well now you do.” You pointed at yourself before taking a giant slurp of your drink.

She rolled her eyes before continuing, “I’ve lived in London my whole life. I have a degree in engineering as well. And my favorite season is fall.”

Small talk continued as you finished your lunch, or almost dinner. As you looked out the window, you saw that the sun was about to begin to set. You hadn’t realized how long everything had taken. A yawn escaped your lips as you and Mitch made your way back to the simulator room. There Vito was waiting for you, looking ready to go. Saying goodbye with a hug, you told Mitch that you’d see her bright and early for the test drive.

Not wanting to get left behind, you found yourself sticking to Vito as he guided the two of you back down the poster hallway. At least now you were familiar with the turns and twists. Like the past few days, a car was waiting for you outside. Vito slipped into the driver’s seat while you went around and climbed into the passenger side.

You immediately connected your phone to sound system. You snickered as you chose the song.

Vito groaned when he heard the opening notes. You could only laugh as the beat started to pick up.

“Ah-ah Barbie you’re so fine, you’re so fine you blow my mind. Jump into the driver seat and put it into speed drive,” you sang, directed at Vito. To hear the base a bit more, you turned the volume up. However, when it came to the next verse, and you were about to start yelling, your phone began to ring.

Arthur’s contact photo, one of you at his birthday, popped up. You immediately answered the face time and yelled.

“Dude, you threw off my groove!” His laughs could be heard throughout the car as his face got into the camera range.

“I’m sorry?”

“You should be. What’s up?”

“I wanted to see if you wanted to hang out later tonight? Since I’m here for testing.” You froze and looked at Vito with wide eyes. You quickly pointed your phone towards the roof of the car.

You mouthed, “What do I do?” You were scared. What were you supposed to say? Oh hey Arthur, I actually signed a multi-year contract with Red Bull two days ago. Sorry I couldn’t tell you sooner? You definitely could not do that.

Yet, a slight jut of Vito’s head told you that you could tell him the truth. You inhaled sharply.

“I’m actually not in Paris at the moment.” Arthur paused. . You only hoped that he wouldn’t be mad at you.

“You’re not? I thought you were going to be sim testing.”

“I thought so to. And then I might have gotten a text from…” you muttered the last bit.

“Sorry, I didn’t quite catch that.” He put a hand to his ear.

You huffed before you shouted, clearly overwhelmed. “I got a text from Christian Horner and I’m driving with Red Bull for 2024!” Your shallowed breaths filled the air. Vito’s hand was placed on your knee for comfort.

“Well, duh. I knew that dummy?”

“Hello?” you could only get out. Who told him?

“You do know that even though my brother may not seem to be friends with Max, they actually are. And Max likes to talk, so he told my brother and my brother told me.” Your eyes must have been bulging.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner,” you sighed, “I didn’t know if I could.”

Arthur responded, “It’s quite alright. It was fun making you panic for a moment.”

“You’re an ass. First you interrupt my wonderful concert that Vito was enjoying…”

“I was not,” Vito leaned towards the phone.

“As I was saying, men the woman is speaking, and then you decide to make me almost spiral into a panic attack. Not nice TurTur.” You wiggled your finger at the screen.

He smiled, “I’m actually here in London as well. Thought you might want some company. And Vito invited me to see you drive tomorrow. I’m waiting in your room.” He showed you a room that was almost identical to the one you had at the hotel. You squealed at the thought of seeing him.

It was a good thing that the car had pulled up to the hotel, because you seat belt flew off in record time. You barely were able to get a quick thank you to the workers before you got to the elevator. You’re sure you pressed the buttons too many times, but the damn thing wouldn’t open any quicker.

The moment the doors open, you bolted inside, but came into contact with a body, that knocked the two of you over. You said a quick apology before darting to the side and getting in the elevator. You barely saw a neon hoodie and some brown curls before the doors closed.

Pressing hard down on your floor button, you willed the elevator to move quicker. After what felt like forever, the box dinged. You dashed down the carpeted hallway as you took your key card out of your pocket.

Although you barely swiped it, the lock beeped and let you into the room.

Arthur was not expecting you to all but tackle him as you dive bombed into his arms. The forced knocked the both of you off the bed. The pile of limbs and bodies that you and your best friend were ended up in a pile on the floor. You could not stop laughing as you held him tighter.

You needed him, especially after these past stressful days. Remembering what he did earlier, you pulled back and started to hit him. His hands raised up and tried to defend against your much smaller hands.

“You” -hit- “are” -smack- “an” -whack- “ass Arthur Leclerc.”

“Ouch woman, you hurt me,” he feigns as he puts a hand on his heart. Your attacks died down as you hauled yourself off the floor. You held out a hand, he took it, and you lifted him as well. But the moment he was upright, you pushed him over on the bed. His giggles left his mouth. Instead of getting up like you thought he would, he snuggled more into your bed.

You might as well join him. Hiking your leg up, you rolled him over some before slotting yourself in the space next to him. He let out a noise of complaint, even though he basically opened you with opened arms.

“I’m glad you’re here. It’s been very stressful,” your words were muffled as you put your head on his chest.

He let out a scoff, “Sure. You’ve been playing around in the top of the line simulator.”

Whack.

“Would you stop that?” he questioned as he dug his fingers into your sides. Laughter soon tumbled out of your lips before you could stop them.

“Arthur, stop it!” You tried to force his hands away. But because of your smaller build, he was able to continue the attacks.

A knock at the door saved your life. You all but rolled off the bed, out of Arthur’s arms, and walked to the door. However, you flipped Arthur off before your hand reached the knob. On the other side of the door, Vito stood with his phone in his hand. He looked up once the door was all the way opened.

“Hi Vito. What’s up?” you asked with head cocked to the side.

“You two up for some karaoke?” He looked over your shoulder at Arthur, who was still sprawled on the bed.

“I’m down for it. Hey Arthur!” you yelled, Vito wincing at the volume.

Arthur’s head popped up. “Yeah?”

“Karaoke?”

He smirked. “Hell yeah.”

A couple of hours later, you found yourself with Arthur in a karaoke room. Vito had been blacked out for a while on the couch.

“COUNTRY ROAD, TAKE ME HOME, TO A PLACE, WHERE I BELONG!” Arthur sang into the very cheap looking microphone.

You continued, sounding as equally bad, “WEST VIRGINA, MOUTAIN MOMMA, COUNTRY ROAD, TAKE ME HoOOoooOOOmE!”

The song ended and you and Arthur took a mock bow.

Arthur chanted, “Next song, next song, next song.” Yeah, he was definitely gone.

“Since you ruined this earlier, I’m picking this one.” You clicked on a button. The familiar beats from earlier that day filled the small room. Arthur groaned from beside you. “Nuh-uh. This is your faut, and now you have to pay the price.”

Half-heartedly, Arthur began to sing, “She my best friend in the whole world.” He pointed at you while singing the lyrics. You placed your hands on your chest and mocked a sincere look. He only shoved your head away and continued.

You decided that standing on the table was a good place to sing the chorus, “AH AH BARBIE YOU’RE SO FINE, YOU’RE SO FINE YOU BLOW MY MIND”

Arthur finally got into it, “JUMP INTO THE DRIVERS SEAT AND PUT IT INTO SPEED DRive…” the music was suddenly shut off.

An angry looking worker walked in and told you to get off the table and to leave for the night. You sheepishly got down, walked over to Vito with Arthur, woke him up, and you three were on your way.

The two of you looked like kids who had to be taken home after getting in trouble with the principal at the school. However, that wouldn’t stop the snickers and giggles that soon filled the whole car, Vito included.

You were glad that it wasn’t too late. The next morning would be terrible if you didn’t have a good night’s sleep.

Arthur made sure to get what time everyone was leaving before retiring to his room for the night. You made sure to post some things on your Instagram story before heading to bed.

You were surprised you had gotten some sleep, because when you woke up, you couldn’t stop shaking. Not know if it was from excitement or nervousness, you got ready quickly. There was a fruit bowl in your room. For breakfast, you indulged in a banana and an orange. Vito probably arranged for a bigger breakfast to be served at the practice track.

You met up with Arthur and Vito in the lobby. You nudged him as you walked passed.

“You ready?” he asked as he followed you to the car that was waiting under the walkway.

“As I’ll every be.” There was a slight hitch in your tone that told Arthur everything he needed to know.

After the two of you climbed into the back seats, and Vito in the passenger seat, Arthur put his arm around you. Just the feeling of his company helped to ease the anxiety that was bubbling inside you. It seemed to grow with each corner that got you closer and closer to the track.

There would be quite a few people there today, more than you would like. But each person was necessary. The track was farther and out of the city.

You knew that Mitch would have your suit and helmet ready for you once you got there. You would be debrief on the track and how the car should behave. You would be doing a mock race, but it would still be shorter than most races – about 50 laps or so.

Your goal that you had gone over with Mitch would be to set one of the fastest test laps. Your time to beat was 1 minute and 19.721 seconds. You thumbs-upped the message and said that you’d try your best.

The car slowed down as it approached the entrance. And before you knew it, you were in your suit and balaclava as Mitch talked with you once more before you started getting in the car. It was one of the newer cars, the RB 17.

You saw Christian approach and you checked over a few more things.

“You like the car?” he asked, nodding his head over to the machine behind him.

“I love it. Can’t wait to see how she drives. Was she driven for any races?” You were curious and wanted to know.

He smirked. “That is Max’s championship car.” Your hands froze, holding your zipper. You looked up at Christian, eyes wide. You gulped.

“Aha, very funny.”

“I’m not joking.” His face was deadpanned.

“Well, I will try to be careful with it.” He only laughed and put a hand on your shoulder.

“You just drive the car like you normally do. The sim showed me everything I need to know.” With that, he walked closer to the wall and put a on a set of headphone.

“No pressure Y/n,” you told yourself. Breathing in and out, you put your helmet on. Arthur decided to walk up and clip the two straps for you, something he often did before your races. You both did your little handshake before he patted you shoulder. He was also given some headphones, along with Vito. They were all counting on you.

You stepped closer to the car. Lifting your leg, you swung it over, then the other. You shimmied down into the car and connected the things that needed to be connected. The men around you started to lower the car and take off the different machinery. You would start the track on medium tires. You were told that after the first half, you could switch to the softs if you think you needed to.

The final parts of the car were put on and you were handed the steering wheel. You carefully placed the connect parts together as you felt the car turned on. You could feel it almost breathing. It was alive.

You were able to taxi the car out onto the mock grid.

“Alright Y/n, radio check,” Mitch’s voice came on through your helmet.

“If I can have a walk up song for Vegas, I heard a rumor that that was coming back, and if I get introduced, can it be Life is a Highway? Please?”

“Radio is working,” Mitch responded.

“Please Mitch?” you prodded. You heard a sigh as you smiled.

“We can discuss later. I will ask Christian.” You did a small pump of your hands before getting back into the zone. From where you were, you had a good view of the lights.

Breathe in. Breathe out. Speed. I am speed.

Red. Red. Red.

Green.

Your feet hit the pedals and off you went for the “warming up” lap. The track had a good mix of straights and turns to warm up the tires.

The first few laps after went smoothly. But, you knew it wasn’t time for your flying lap. To keep it fair, the past drivers only had one lap to set a time.

You pressed the button for the radio, “There seems to be some unbalance on Turn 5. I don’t know if it’s the track or the car.” Your voice sounded rattly.

“Checking,” Mitch responded back at the “pit lane.”

Christian piped up from her right, “Max has said that before about that exact turn. It’s uncanny.”

“Ok kid, it seems like it might be an issue with the track. Try to avoid it by slowing down to go wide, but accelerate going out of the apex.”

“Roger,” you responded. On the next lap, you did exactly that. And you were pleased to see that it actually worked.

“Balance of the car is good.”

“Thank you Y/n.”

“Can I come in for softs? I want to try the flying lap.”

“Ok, box for softs.”

You pulled your car into the pit lane. It wasn’t the fastest pit stop you’ve had, but it really didn’t matter. You did a few laps on the softs. Although you knew the track would eat them up, you also knew that you did your best laps on slightly used softs.

Christian spoke up again, “She knows that softs run out quickly. She should have done the flying lap on the first one.”

Now, Arthur talked first, “She does all of her best laps on slightly used softs. It’s how she’s won so many races. Because Y/n knows her tires better than anyone.” Christian hummed as he watched your dot go around the animated track.

The radio beeped as a message came from your car, “I’m gonna go for it. Starting the flying lap.”

Mitch responded, “Copy.” The team waited with baited breath and you seemed to glide around the turns.

You were truly one with whatever car you drove.

The clocked seemed to tick in slow motion as you finally came to the last straight. Once you passed the line, you slowed down just a bit.

“Ok Mitch, how did I do?” you asked.

She breathed before responding, “One minute, nineteen point 7 seconds. Congratulations kid, you have broken our current record. Your cheers could be heard over the radio. They mixed with the team’s own cheering as well. You were just .021 seconds faster than whoever held the previous record. And you did it in a two, almost, three year old car.

“Who used to hold the position?”

This time, Christian’s voice came on over the radio, “It was Max, kid.”

You let out a laugh of disbelief, before realizing that Christian was on the radio.

“Christian, can my walk up song for Vegas be Life is a Highway. Please.” You waited for his answer.

“Sure kid.”

“Yes! Best day ever! Can I got another lap? I want to put this baby into speed drive. Vito! Arthur!”

“On it kid.”

“Got it Y/n!”

You guessed one of them held their phones to the radio. This time you would hear the entire song. You knew it. You shimmied back down into the seat and floored the throttle.

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bbieangel · 15 days

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Love the Joel fic!!! plsssss do an Arthur cramps one!!!

Moon Cycle — Arthur Morgan x F!Reader

A/N: I loved writing this! It's my first time writing anything that's not set in the present world so please bare with me <3 And yes, the title is a reference to Melanie Martinez's song :) As always, thank you for your requests and I hope you love it!

Summary: Even when you try to act tough, Arthur Morgan always sees right through you. And, the day you finally allow yourself to feel weak, he's there to help you with your cramps.

Tags: Fluff! A LOT OF FLUFF. High honor Arthur. Self-deprecating Arthur, we all know how he talks to himself. Mentions of his past (Eliza and Mary Linn), reader has a uterus and is menstruating, she doesn't wear the typical clothes that women used in the 1800's (think of it more like Sadie, she dresses like her). This is set before Arthur even knows he's sick.

Word count: 7.8k

Divider by @/peony chance on Pinterest!

Since day one, you had never failed to amaze the whole Van Der Linde gang with your dirty mouth and ways of pissing off Miss Grimshaw. To say the least, they had grown fond of you. And even if you could look after yourself just fine, you laid awake in your cot endless nights just wishing someone was there for you in times where you felt the most vulnerable, needing attention like the dog the gang had adopted. He always ran around, sniffing everyone and looking for any hand that would give him back scratches.

One particular day you had gone out to rob a stagecoach that a guy in Rhodes had told you about. Dutch assigned you to go along with Arthur, the gruff looking, almost giant man. But you knew he hid something else behind his blue-green eyes that often held a hint of tenderness whenever he looked your way.

"Now, stay right behind me, princess."

He muttered as he covered his face behind the rock you were prompted at, making sure the drivers didn't see you.

You groaned. Of course that, out of all of the women in camp, he would call you princess. But he didn't do it for the reasons you thought.

"Call me by my name, Morgan."

You muttered and he let out a deep chuckle, rumbling through his chest and sending butterflies to your stomach. But you wouldn't let your face show that, after all, you kinda liked being called princess by him.

The stagecoach robbery was a success, feeling like a breath of fresh air after what seemed like the gang had been cursed or just ran out of good luck.

Arthur counted the money effortlessly, the flicking of his fingers looking elegant. It was ridiculous, you thought as he you waited for your part.

"Don't forget to give some to camp, princess."

He said, pointing a finger at you. But he knew not to worry about you contributing to the little box Dutch had beside his tent, he had seen you do it more times than anyone else in the gang.

"You don't need to worry about me contributing, Arthur."

You said with a soft smile as you both rode back to camp, side by side, enjoying the nice weather and the views.

—

Later that day, you were sitting up against a log in front of the campfire. A bead of sweat fell down the side of your face and into your shirt. Arthur was going to tease you about it, but he held himself back when he saw the slight frown on your face and your knees being held against your chest.

He sighed, knowing that caring about you wasn't the best decision. He couldn't bring himself to like anyone else, not after Eliza and Mary. But that soft, empathetic part of him was stronger than any of his insecurities, and it needed to know if you were okay. Which you clearly weren't.

He slowly sat down beside you with a look of concern on his face, and placed his calloused hand on your shoulder.

"You alright, princess? Did you get hurt? You should've told me—"

"I didn't get hurt."

You interrupted him. You were about to snap at him for teasing you, but when you looked into his eyes, glowing by the fire crackling in front of you, you noticed he was being genuine. So your expression softened, and he saw it, making his heart flutter and long to open up to you more.

"I'm.. I have cramps. It's that time of the month.."

You spoke quietly. You had grown to know it wasn't okay to talk about it, let alone tell a man about it. They found it disgusting, a woman bleeding monthly was seen almost as a sin, something you couldn't talk about.

But Arthur couldn't care less. He had killed people and had seen countless bodies, massacred by some fool. Hell, he'd seen his son be born. He could handle speaking about a monthly small amount of blood coming out of a woman's body naturally.

"I understand. Is there anything I can do for you?"

He asked, and your eyebrows shot up in surprise. Why wasn't he acting disgusted by what you just said? Why didn't he tell you to just suck it up?

It took you a few seconds to answer.

"I—Uhm.. I don't know, actually. Can you help me get to my tent? I think I might've stained my clothes and I don't wanna get teased about it."

You spoke, your eyes darted towards the fire once again. It was fine if he declined, you would understand. But, once again, he surprised you.

"Yeah, let's go."

He said and wrapped his arm around your shoulder, helping you up. He looked behind his shoulder to make sure no one was paying attention to see the small stain in your pants, and led you to your tent.

"I've heard.."

He cleared his throat before speaking, the slight pink tint on his cheeks gave away the soft embarrassment he felt.

"I've heard that peppermint or chamomile tea helps, the ladies were talking about it the other day."

He said and you couldn't help but smile softly.

"Yeah, it does. I just ran out of both herbes."

At that, he raised an eyebrow. Why didn't you tell him? He would've gone looking for some if it brought you comfort. And, against his better judgement, he chose to speak.

"You should've told me. I'll make sure to bring you some."

He spoke gruffly, but unable to hide his growing softness and tenderness for you.

When he helped you into your cot, he made sure to cover you with a blanket before turning on his heels to go away. He figured you might want to be left alone.

"Wait."

You called out to him. You knew better than to call over a man who wouldn't hesitate to put a bullet between anyone's eyes, but a part of you knew he only did it when absolutely necessary. And that he would never, ever touch a hair on your body.

"Can you.. stay a little while?"

You asked, your cheeks turning a cute rosey shade. At that, he gave you a light chuckle.

"Yeah, 'course."

He sat down on the edge of your cot. You could see the sympathetic look in his eyes when your face would scrunch up every time a cramp hit harder.

"I'm not usually like this, I can take the pain—"

"No need to explain to me. I know it hurts and I don't need you to act tough all the time."

He cut you off, easing some of the embarrassment you felt. Maybe it was stress, maybe your hormones were fighting against you, but this cycle felt different. It hurt a lot more, making you sweat as you tried to deal with the pain.

The tension between the both of you only continued to grow, hidden desires behind your eyelids that none of you could speak about. Heartbreaks and loss were two things you were too familiar with, and couldn't bring yourself to experience once again.

So he didn't speak as he laid beside you, carefully, treating you as if you were made out of porcelain and he didn't want to hurt you. His hand went to your lower stomach and began moving it gently, massaging the zone.

You let out a sigh of relief—how did he know exactly what to do? As if reading your thoughts, he spoke:

"Mary told me this works. I didn't figure it out on my own."

He spoke quietly, and you felt kinda bad. How could she be such a fool to break up with such a kind man?

"Even if you didn't figure it out on your own, I'm grateful you know about it."

You spoke softly.

"Can I tell you something, Arthur?"

You asked, you heart pounding in your chest as if it wanted out just to be gifted to Arthur.

"'Course, princess."

He responded, his hand never stopped moving as he saw the look of relief in your face. A hint of a smile tugged at the corner of his lips when he noticed it was working.

"You're a good man. And anyone who doesn't see that, is a fool. A damn, blind fool."

You spoke and his eyes widened at that, letting you take in more of the particular color they had. You were so close to him yet none of you could move.

"I ain't much of a good person, princess. I've done things I'm not proud of, killed folks just because.. There's a price on my head."

He said, looking at you with that self-deprecating look he gave anyone who even dared to call him good. He wasn't good, he was a fool who didn't know how to be kind, how to be good. Or at least, that was what he thought of himself.

But on the contrary, you didn't see him that way, and he knew. So you doubled down, going along with your stubborn nature.

"Well, to me you are good. And nothing will change my mind about that."

You spoke in a firmer tone, placing a hand on top of his shoulder and rubbing it softly. He swore you could feel the way his heart jumped at your small gesture.

After a few minutes of just contemplating each other's faces, trying to read each other's minds, he spoke.

"You deserve someone better than me."

At that, you frowned. He couldn't tell you what you deserved and what you didn't, who you could or couldn't like.

"No one has ever cared about my cramps before. No one... No man has taken the time to try and make me feel better."

His expression softened. How could anyone treat you badly about something that wasn't your fault? But again, he reminded himself, it was 1899. You didn't live in a fair world.

"I couldn't just let you be in pain."

"Exactly."

You said. Everything he did or said was just another reason as to why you considered him a good man. After fighting against your fears, your mind, your insecurities, you leaned slightly closer. What were you doing? You didn't know. But the sight of his lips covered by his always perfectly trimmed moustache was something almost magnetic that pulled at your heartstrings right when you were the most vulnerable and needy.

"Princess..."

He tried to protest. His breathing hitched as he felt you slightly closer, his eyes kept darting towards your plush lips without even thinking. His heart thumped against his chest in a way that almost hurt.

"Do you trust me?"

His eyes shot up at yours. Of course he trusted you, even if a part of his brain begged him not to, he wasn't doing what his brain wanted. He was following his heart at this point, and his heart wanted you. Only you.

"I do."

He responded, his deep voice was now soft.

"Then.. Let me."

You whispered and pressed your lips against his, without giving your brain the possibility to make you think about it twice. You stayed still as you waited for him to pull away, to shut you down and never talk to you again.

But he kissed you back. He kissed you back, and his hand tangled on your hair as he did. Every move, every action was so gentle, so careful. And you couldn't be more grateful for that.

His other hand never left your lower stomach. He was determined to end with your cramps, even if his own hand ended up cramping after massaging your skin for so long.

He didn't leave your side that night. If anything, the whole situation only brought the two of you closer, to the point where he would look for excuses to sleep with you all curled up against him. His arm wrapped around your waist, holding your frame up against his chest. All while keeping a soft smile on his face even when he slept.

Because what started with the two of you being scared of letting anyone else in, ended up with Arthur going out of his way to look for anything that would relieve your pain. He would even ride his horse for hours until he found peppermint.

But in the end: all you wanted was the warmth his body provided you with and his hand pressed against your skin.

#arthur morgan #fanfiction #arthur morgan fanfic #arthur morgan x female reader #arthur morgan fluff #romance #high honor arthur morgan #one shot #red dead redemption 2 #rdr2 fanfic #rdr2 arthur #rdr2 community #rdr2 #arthur morgan x reader

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itsagoodluckkiss · 8 months

Text

I Know The End

Pairings: Roronoa Zoro x f!reader, platonic strawhats x f!reader

Summary: This is based on one of my favorite songs, I Know The End by Phoebe Bridgers, and I take the meaning of this song as a "when you're at the bottom, the only way is up" kind of song. Reader is a friend of Nami, she has air powers and joins the Strawhats after they help her save her town.

Warnings: Mild East Blue spoilers, kinda OC Zoro, typical OP violence, otherwise pure fluff, no use of Y/N

WC: 3.7κ

A/N: Oi, hello there! This is my first One Piece fanfic, took me a bit more than I expected but I did it! I have another one for my first request on the way, but since this is my first, I had to post one about my fave! Also, I'm sorry for any mistakes, english is not my first language. Anyways, hope you enjoy it, and if you do, pretty please leave a comment! Requests are open! ❤️

“I’m not gonna go down with my hometown in a tornado, I’m gonna chase it. I gotta go now, I know. Driving out into the sun, let the ultraviolet cover me up. Went looking for a creation myth, ended up with a pair of cracked lips… A slaughterhouse, an outlet mall, slot machines, fear of God… Big bolt of lightning hanging low. Over the coast everyone’s convinced it’s a government drone or an alien spaceship.”

Feeling out of place is something you get used to when living in this part of the East Blue and seek adventure; it is called the weakest sea for some reason after all. Even if she loved her living place, she disliked the fact that people mostly minded their own business without blinking an eye to the suffering and corruption around them. She couldn’t entirely blame them; it wasn’t an easy thing caring about neighboring regions when your own was constantly hit by natural disasters, causing deaths and lifetime labors destroyed.

She had just learned that the Conomi Islands had been freed by Arlong’s cruel rule after eight whole years. She wondered how Nami was. They had met a couple of years ago when she caught her rummaging her family’s vault and helped her through it without getting her caught. She hid her in her room while the Navy was looking for the thief. She didn’t need the money and it was obvious to her that Nami did. Nami was her first real friend. The week they spent together, drinking and getting to know each other, talking about their backstories, their wants and plans for the future was the best in her life. She had promised that after she’d buy her village back and free it, she’d come to see her again. She hadn’t heard from Nami since.

They said it was because of the Marines the islands were liberated. She could never believe that for one second. Her curious personality always managed to get her into the Navy’s business, making her family’s influence and prestige on the island take a hit every time she got into trouble with them. She couldn’t help that all this talk from the Marines about justice and keeping the peace made her want to throw up on their shiny uniforms. She knew it was all an act for them and their allies to maintain power. How could Marines talk about values when regions and people were enslaved and the Navy turned a blind eye instead of helping, just for power and some berries?

Her dream was to end all that fake order and bring actual freedom to those in need; to become a freedom fighter and help people. She needed the right opportunity but also, she had to take advantage of every situation if she wanted to get away from that place someday and seek what she so wholeheartedly craved. So she learned her family’s secrets and strengths. It’s not every day you see generations of people knowing how to yield the air around them, giving them a bunch of abilities like flying or sucking the air out of their enemies’ lungs or causing hurricanes of every size. She knew when to play nice and be obedient so that her parents would teach her their ways, thinking that she would grow out of her rebellious phase, would learn about and protect her family’s rule. It’s not an easy task for them to cover up the Navy’s dirt on the island after all.

The more she mastered her power, the more she could see that something was wrong with her family. She had started to notice the patterns. Every time the island was hit by a storm or a natural disaster, they were never home. At first, it would make sense that they’d go and help their people. Then, after the storms, her island’s Navy unit and its captain started collecting “taxes” for rebuilding the infrastructures. Thing was, the taxes would constantly go up, bringing inhabitants to their knees. Meanwhile, her family didn’t seem affected at all. They would just roam the island, giving advices and pacifying the angry voices that protested the Navy. So, she decided, in the next hurricane, she would learn her parents and older siblings’ sketchy business. She had to know what was the cause of all this and what she could do to change it.

Meeting new people travelling between islands and seas was a fascinating thing. She loved hearing stories about their adventures, about different places and bigger dangers, fights between pirates and marines or about the golden age of piracy. About the Grand Line, the different weather conditions in each island, the devil fruits and the abilities they gave their users. She would always wander through the port, looking for more myths coming to life by the sailors that docked their ships on her island for supplies.

When she spotted a beautiful pirate caravel, with a sheep figurehead in its bow and its Jolly Roger with a straw hat, docked in their port, she felt a strange wave of excitement and peace. She couldn’t explain it but that beautiful ship radiated so much love and care, like it had a soul of its own and a smile that made everyone feel like home if they stepped into it. She stood there, admiring it from afar, when she felt someone standing next to her.

“She’s beautiful, isn’t she? Her name is Merry! She’s my ship.”

She turned to look at the stranger. A boy around the same age as hers, with a small scar under his right eye and a straw hat on his head, and that made her assume this was the captain. He had a smile so vibrant, it reminded her of the sun. His energy was so welcoming, she felt like she could be friends with him on a whim.

“Hello. She is indeed a sight to behold.”

She gave him a warm smile back, raising her hand to introduce herself.

“That’s a pretty name. I’m Luffy, and I’m gonna be King Of The Pirates!”

She couldn’t help but laugh, but it had no malice. She loved dreamers, being one herself, and even if she met that boy only a couple of minutes ago, she could see he would give everyone in the world a run for their money. A gust of wind blew, taking his hat away, and before he could react, she brought it back to him through the air around her. She placed it on his head and gave him a toothy grin.

“There! You can’t be King Of The Pirates without your trademark, right?”

“THANK YOU! YOU’VE GOT AIR POWERS? THAT’S SO COOL! YOU SHOULD JOIN OUR CREW!”

She was dumbfounded by his enthusiasm and his abrupt proposal. Never had she met anyone like him, so thrilled by her presence and her little air tricks. Before she could reply, she heard footsteps and another male voice behind her.

“Oi Luffy, stop scaring people by asking them to join us like that, will you?”

She turned to look at the deeper voice, and for a moment it felt like lighting coursing through her veins. Taller and more muscular than the boy next to her, he looked a bit older than them both, with short green hair and eyes gray as steel, three golden earrings that gleamed in the sunlight graced his left ear. He had a sharp gaze that radiated a strong and confident energy, one that lacked fear or hesitation. She never believed in love at first sight, but this felt as close as she could imagine it would feel. The man approached them and introduced himself to her.

“Roronoa Zoro? As in ‘Pirate Hunter’ Zoro? In a pirate crew?”

Of course she had heard of his reputation. Who didn’t know the infamous bounty hunter swordsman in the East Blue? He chuckled at her surprise.

“Yeah, well, long story short, this guy here has an effect of convincing people easily.”

“There you are, you idiots! We’ve been looking for you everywhere! We’re not here for me to babysit you not getting lost, we’re here to find my-”

She heard a familiar female shriek before she felt soft arms around her, squeezing her tight, and she immediately knew who it was. She could never forget her best friend’s hugs. She returned the hug as she screamed Nami’s name, before they both started to cry tears of joy. Her hand grabbed her upper arm, and she felt deep scars where her Arlong tattoo should be but was replaced by another, prettier one.

“I was so worried about you! I learned what happened to your village and I didn’t know what to think!”

“You should have known I’d be okay, you know I always pull through. Although, these guys were the greatest help I could get. They are the reason I’m freed and I wanted to keep my promise to you.”

She looked at the boys around them with gratitude, two more joining them, a blond boy wearing a suit, who looked like he would burst into flames from the heart eyes on his face and another one with wavy hair, a long nose and mischief in his eyes.

“I can’t thank you enough for helping my friend. She means the world to me!”

“Whoa, Nami’s your friend? Now you should definitely join our crew! We’ve heard so much about you, the only reason we stopped here before Loguetown was to find you!” Luffy said with enthusiasm.

“Yes, it’s not every day you hear someone born into money giving them away without question, hiding the thief in addition and fighting their way to get them out safely. You must be quite the character.” Zoro smirked at her.

“And to add to that, you’re also a sight to behold, my lady!” the blond boy said as he kissed her hand and introduced himself as Sanji, making her laugh at his advances.

“We’ve heard you have a great mind for plans too. Could use a strategist in this group of idiots that run into danger head on. I always device a plan to beat my enemies. I’m Usopp by the way.”

She was dumbfounded to say the least, taking them all and their kind words in. She met these guys a few moments ago, yet never had she felt such a feeling of being so welcomed by the people around her, she was so used to being ignored that this interaction almost made her sob. She kissed Nami’s cheek before letting her go.

“I… thank you guys… you’re all so sweet… but I don’t think I’m that good-”

“Bullshit, you’ll be the smartest person besides me in this crew. Come on now, I know how much you long to get the hell out of this place, they’ve never appreciated you anyways, and I don’t think anything changed since we met.” Nami proclaimed, smiling at her.

“No… not much anyway. I just learned how to use my powers now… Look, I don’t know what to think of this, I have-”

A loud rumble shook the earth below them. She felt the temperature drop rapidly and she knew what was coming. Now was her chance to find out the truth she looked for, the one that could possibly make her decide to cut ties with her family if her speculations were true. She turned to the Strawhats, as they called themselves, and smiled brightly.

“Thank you guys. But I have to run now. There are rooms for rent down this road, run and cover yourselves and don’t come out before the storm passes. Maybe I’ll see you around after that.”

As they started to protest, she flew off to the source of the hurricane she could see coming from afar.

And sure enough, the feeling of throwing up from disgust and despair overwhelmed her when she arrived at the source. She saw her family controlling the hurricanes and lightings that hit her island, and the Navy captain, who she knew was a devil fruit user, was shaking the ground, causing the earthquake, while his Unit watched from the sidewalks. Bodies were scattered around damaged buildings, scenery of pure horror. Before she could react to stop this, she felt boulders hitting her, splitting her lips and bruising her body, blood running down her jaw as she fell down.

Logically, everything fell into place. Emotionally, nothing made sense. She couldn’t comprehend how she could have been raised by such cruel people. Her eyes welled up with tears, but not from the pain she felt on her body, but from the sight in front of her, as her parents approached her, proclaiming she was not mature enough to understand their family’s best interest and how she has always been such a disappointment, never listening, never following orders, an annoying, meddling child.

“Do whatever you want; we can’t do anything about her anymore.” Her parents proclaimed to the navy captain as he too approached.

“You’ve always been a pain in the ass and I can finally get rid of you.” The captain proclaimed as he unsheathed his sword.

She closed her eyes but she never felt the blade on her skin. The captain’s scream echoed as his arm got cut off from the shoulder, his sword hitting the ground.

“Swords are not toys, captain. You don’t get to play with them.”

Her head spin to the male voice behind her and her eyes widen as she saw the five pirates ready to fight. Zoro was the closest to her, having drawn one of his swords that was now covered in blood, leaving a clean cut on the marine’s shoulder. Usopp was standing a few feet behind, a slingshot in his hand as he shoot at the navy soldiers, the collision ended in blasts and the soldiers started to run away. Nami was holding a strange, long, steel pole that seemed by its use to control the weather around them with air bubbles.

“You’re not hurting a lady on my watch.” Sanji proclaimed before his leg collided with the bleeding captain’s face, kicking him to the ground.

“He was already done, curlybrows.”

“Shut your mouth, marimo!”

They were bickering as if they all were not in a life or death situation. The most shocking thing was Luffy, who was stretching his body as he was wielding what seemed to be the bark of a tree around, taking soldiers and her family with it.

“Nami said you had problems with your family. You seemed worried. So we followed you.” He said with a toothy grin.

Zoro grabbed her hand and raised her from the ground.

“You know how to fight I assume?”

“Yes I do.”

“Well then, let’s give them hell, pretty girl.”

Either way, we’re not alone. I’ll find a new place to be from. A haunted house with a picket fence, to float around and ghost my friends. I’m not afraid to disappear. The billboard said "The End Is Near". I turned around, there was nothing there. Yeah, I guess the end is here.”

And sure enough, she couldn’t believe the six of them managed to stop the destruction while fighting the whole navy unit and her family combined, who were now running away from the angry crowd that had assembled when the hurricanes stopped and saw the whole thing happening.

“You guys… I can’t thank you enough-”

“Pffff, that was nothing, it was funny being blown away, felt like flying hehe.” Luffy laughed as he grabbed her in a hug. “You’re Nami’s friend, so you are our friend too!”

She had started crying by now as she hugged Luffy back, the feelings she felt in that moment couldn’t be described.

“I think… I think I’ll join you guys!”

A week had passed since her family fled off the island that was now filled with marines who listed the damages and arrested their own dirty kind. They had made a futile attempt to take the strawhats in, and before they would even start a fight, the people of the island wreaked havoc, not even letting them close to their saviors. She took the crew in the house that was now hers.

She helped Nami move all the gold from the house onto their ship. She gave Usopp advices for his trinkets and how they would fly through the air easier. She cooked with Sanji and then would catalog the storages that would be taken with them to their journey, with Luffy receiving several kicks from the cook because he tried to eat everything. She had never had so much fun in her life as she had with them. Her favorite moments came at night, usually spent drinking with Zoro. They had talked about their childhoods, he had told her about his family how died when he was a toddler, his promise to his childhood friend who died way before her time, how he acquired that big scar across his chest. The more she got to know him, the more connected she felt to him, like a final puzzle piece falling right in to place.

On their last night, everyone was fast asleep, getting the rest they’d need since they would cross the entrance to the Grand Line the next day. But her anticipation wouldn’t let her sleep. After tossing and turning for what seemed like hours, she got off her bed and walked around the house, taking it in one last time. She had decided to gift it to a large family whose home got destroyed. It was a fact that she didn’t want anything to do with that place anymore. Tomorrow morning her life would change forever. Her mind leading her nowhere in particular, she walked to her terrace. The wind, soft and gentle, rustled through the leaves of the trees, creating a soothing melody, and she could see the sea ahead, illuminated by the moon, which casted a silvery glow on the water. It was a peaceful scene, yet she could feel her heart racing when she saw Zoro sitting on the bench of her terrace, polishing his swords.

“Why aren’t you sleeping?” he asked as he glanced at her.

“I… I guess I’m nervous about tomorrow.”

“It must be a little overwhelming, I guess. Don’t worry though, we’re a good crew, we’ll take care of you.”

A small smile played on his lips. His words were reassuring, but there was something else in his tone, something that made her heart skip a beat. She bit her lip, walking to the edge of the terrace, her hands holding on to the railing as she tried to find the right words to say.

“I know I’ll be safe with you, guys. It’s just… it feels like the end is near for me in this place… and being in a pirate crew is going to be something so new and big… and I don’t feel like I bring a lot on the table…”

He chuckled softly as he placed his swords down, walking towards to stand next to her, taking her hand in his to give a firm squeeze.

“The end is near for this part of your life, indeed. But you’re strong, you’re brave, and you’re a great fighter. You’ve been through a lot and yet you’re one of the kindest people I’ve met, still standing here, ready to face whatever comes next. That takes a lot of courage, and it takes character. I think you bring a lot, and you’re going to fit right in with us. You’re not alone.”

She smiled shyly, feeling warmth spread through her chest, her eyes almost welling up. He smiled back, his expression genuine.

“Thank you, Zoro. You really have no idea how much that means.”

“I think I do. I know what it’s like to be uncertain about the future, to feel like you don’t belong anywhere. But you belong with us now. You’re going to make a great crewmate. It’s good to have you on board. I have a feeling you’re going to surprise all of us with what you can do.” He paused, his expression a bit more serious. “And… if you need to talk… or vent or… anything… I’m here.”

A deep blush crept up across her cheeks. “I… thank you… for everything. Same goes for me.”

She felt her heart flutter as he continued to hold her hand, her stare moving to meet his gaze. She couldn’t help but feel more at ease with him and he couldn’t deny the way he felt either.

“For now, I think we should just enjoy being together and explore this new thing we’ll find ourselves in. Who knows what kind of trouble we’ll stumble upon?”

“I’m looking forward to seeing what awaits us.” She leaned a bit closer, her voice dropping to a whisper. “And I’m looking forward to get to know you better too.”

It was time for his heart to skip a beat at her words. Her eyes widened but before she could shy away, he leaned in closer, and their lips met in a tender, hesitant kiss, a slow, gentle brushing of lips. The sounds of the forest faded away, leaving only the beating of their hearts and the rush of blood in their ears.

“Take care!”

“Come back soon!”

“Sorry I was mean to you, can’t wait to see you again!”

“Be safe and make us proud!”

“Don’t disappear!”

Most of the town’s people were at the port to give their regards to the strawhats and her. The others were already abroad, her being the last to climb the rope ladder on to her new home. She turned around before hoping on to the deck, and took in how weird and eerie her town looked now, like looking at a haunted house from afar.

“So, the end is near, then?”

She lifted her head to see Zoro’s smirk as he gave her his hand to lift her on to the ship. Someone shouted at her to not disappear. She wasn’t afraid of that. She was afraid of staying still. Her head turned around one last time and she saw nothing there.

“Yeah, I guess, the end is here.”

And she took his hand.

#one piece #one piece fanfiction #roronoa zoro #roronoa zoro x reader #roronoa zoro x you #roronoa zoro x y/n #zoro x reader #zoro x you #zoro x y/n #zoro opla #zoro fluff #zoro one piece #one piece x reader #one piece x you #straw hat crew #roronoa zoro fanfiction #opla!zoro x reader

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pedrointofolklore · 1 year

Text

Long story short

pairing: joel miller x f!reader

summary: weeks had passed since your steamy kiss with joel, and you wanted more. sequel to this is me trying.

warnings: smut 18+ mdni, oral (f!receiving), unprotected p in v, creampie, joel miller has a big dick, emotional sex, brief mention of sex as currency (as part of reader’s backstory), allusions to depression and suicidal ideation, lots of fluff with a bit of angst, enemies to lovers (they’re in their lover era), extremely soft joel, joel is so disastrously in love, self-loathing due to a guilty conscience, lots of swearing, age gap (unspecified), no use of y/n, ellie era (ellie is only mentioned)

word count: 3.4k

a/n: hey y’all. so part one did way better than i ever expected. thank you to everyone who has supported it. if you haven’t read it i highly recommend you do before reading this. if you have read it: enjoy part two! the title is once again a taylor swift song.

It had been weeks since you kissed Joel.

Neither of you acknowledged it. After the shitstorm that was Kansas City, your focus was making it to Wyoming on foot. Addressing one kiss wasn’t high on the list of priorities.

But you still thought about it. A lot. And it seemed like Joel did too.

Joel Miller wasn’t nice as a rule, but he was good to you. He confided in you, asked for your input, and did what he could to make you feel like your presence was important. Whether or not it was actually important, you just appreciated that he was trying.

And you were trying too. You were doing your best to be present, focus on the positives, and take a breath before sprinting headfirst into danger. Just as Tess would have done.

You couldn’t have predicted that Ellie would end up inspiring you. There was something about her that reminded you of yourself (which was ultimately cause for concern), but she was different in the ways that mattered most. She was funny and resilient and excited about things, even in this vile world she was living in.

You wanted to be more like her.

There was an abandoned, isolated cabin somewhere between Kansas City and Kearney—you weren’t sure exactly where at this point. It was a corroded, rotting structure, with shattered windows and wooden panels threatening to collapse, but it was better than sleeping outside in the middle of nowhere.

There were two beds and a couch inside. Ellie passed out almost immediately after calling dibs on the bed upstairs. The poor girl was exhausted. Meanwhile, Joel laid down on the couch and shut his eyes, pretending to go to sleep. This was clearly an act; he wasn't going to sleep, he was going to keep watch.

You hadn’t slept in a bed since the QZ, and though this bed was old and musty and probably infested with microscopic bed bugs, it somehow felt like the most comfortable thing in the world. This was the first time in so long it didn’t feel like you were in a rush. You could just exist and let your mind wander.

Letting your mind wander was something you typically avoided, but instead of your thoughts leading you down a trail of despondency, they led you to Joel. You pictured him sitting upright on the couch, scanning the area through fractured windows, clutching a shotgun and trying to stay awake. You wondered what he was thinking about.

If you still want it later, you can have it.

That was what he’d said to you. It was such a new feeling; wanting Joel, wanting anything. You thought about the kiss again, and a warm, tingly sensation spread throughout your entire body like ink seeping into wet paper.

It was later, and you still wanted it.

Joel was awake.

This wasn’t new. Joel hadn’t gotten a good night’s sleep in 20 years, but it had gotten worse lately.

He’d failed everyone in Kansas City, but most of all Ellie. It left him in a constant state of unease, just waiting for something else to go wrong. Even sleeping stressed him out now.

Then, there was you.

As everything around him gradually fell into shambles, it felt like he needed you more everyday. You were good and clever and really the only person in the world who made Joel feel like he could do this, and that terrified him. You were trying so hard, but he still had this paralysing fear of losing you.

Joel hadn’t forgotten what happened, and he hadn’t forgotten what he said.

If you still want it later, you can have it.

He wasn’t even sure what ‘it’ was referring to. Was it that he’d fuck you if you asked? He would, but he didn't think that was really what he meant.

He also wasn’t sure if you wanted it. Maybe the kiss had been just a random moment of weakness for you. Maybe you woke up the next morning and realised that Joel was the last person in the world you could ever want. The thought gnawed at him; infected him like some faceless monstrosity with razor-sharp teeth.

But if by some chance you wanted it—wanted him—he would give you everything he had. He didn’t deserve your forgiveness, and certainly not your admiration, but you deserved to get whatever you wanted out of him. He would let you come to him, and he would do anything you asked if it meant keeping you here.

The sound of your door clicking open jerked Joel from his anxious ruminating. His eyes followed you as you sauntered over to the couch and plonked yourself down next to him, crossing your legs with an air of forced nonchalance.

“What are you doing up?” Joel asked.

“Couldn’t sleep,” you said. “You’re also up.”

“Just keepin’ watch.”

“We’re indoors in the middle of nowhere, Joel,” you replied. “I think you can sleep for a bit.”

Joel didn’t say anything. He couldn’t get into this with you. He didn’t want to ruin the newfound trust you had in him by letting you know what a mess he was.

“Unless there’s something else keeping you up,” you spoke in a nervous whisper, like you were testing the waters to see if Joel would actually entertain this conversation.

Of course he would. There were things Joel didn’t want to talk about—anything that had ever happened to him, for example—but the only thing stronger than his propensity to never let anyone in was the urge he had to never deny you.

“Just been worried about you, I guess.”

Your mouth formed a constrained smile. It didn’t quite reach your eyes. “We talked about this. I’m fine now, Joel.”

“One talk can’t solve everything.” Or one kiss, for that matter.

“I’m not asking you to solve anything,” you replied, your tone becoming heightened. “Worry about the important things, like Ellie and finding your brother and—"

“You are important.”

He felt a rush of anger, but not at you. Never at you. He was angry at himself. Of course you felt unimportant when he’d spent so long making you feel that way. It wasn’t fair that he got to wake up one day and decide to stop being an asshole while you still had to live with the consequences of his assholery.

You sat there not saying anything, and Joel was certain that you were about to walk away from this conversation. The irony wasn’t lost on him; for two people who hated heartfelt discussions, you couldn’t seem to stop finding yourselves in the middle of them.

“Joel…” Your voice came out breathy and desperate. It was completely unexpected. He couldn’t describe the feeling of hearing you say his name like that. All he knew was that he wanted to fall to his knees at your feet.

“What do you need?” Joel asked. He hoped that he already knew the answer.

“I need you.”

He let out a shaky exhale—relieved and nervous all at once. “You have me, sweetheart. You know that."

Being naked on a grotty mattress with a fully-clothed man above you should have been horrifically vulnerable, but you couldn’t muster up any uncertainty with Joel. All you felt was an excited kind of anticipation.

You never expected Joel to be so affectionate, but he held you like you were something worth caring for. He took his time, kissing you slow and undressing you bit by bit until you were bare for him. You felt the same heated intensity you had that night in the woods, but without the crushing sense of urgency.

Your breath hitched when Joel trailed kisses from your chest down past your navel. He stopped at the lowest part of your belly, looking up at you with lustful, imploring eyes. “Can I taste you, sweetheart?”

“Please…” You already sounded embarrassingly wrecked.

Your body jolted when Joel dragged a finger through your soaked slit, gathering up the obscene amount of wetness that was dripping out of you and spreading it over your aching clit.

Then, without a word, he pushed himself up and off the bed. You looked at him in dismay, about to berate him for teasing, but your voice caught in your throat when he crouched down at the end of the bed and grabbed you by the hips, pulling you forward until your ass was lined up with the edge of the mattress, and your legs were thrown over his shoulders.

The sound that escaped you when Joel sucked your clit into his mouth was borderline feral. You didn’t know you were capable of making a noise like that—something between a pathetic gasp and a wanton moan.

“Oh f—Joel! Feels so good. What the fuck.” You were breathless and shaking and grabbing a fistful of his hair.

“Ssh, sweetheart,” Joel hushed. You clenched around nothing when his warm breath hit your drenched core. “Need you to be quiet. Can you do that for me, baby?”

He didn’t even wait for you to try and compose yourself before devouring you again. He had a lot of audacity to think he could tell you to be quiet as he tongue-fucked you senseless. And then, like he was trying to get you to scream, he prodded a finger at your entrance and slipped it inside.

“That feel good?” Joel asked, curling his finger as he pumped it into you.

You whined and pulled his hair harder. He let out a low groan and continued flicking his tongue over your clit, and it dawned on you that he wasn’t just doing this to make you feel good—he was doing it because he liked it.

He added another finger, and this time you did scream, but not before clasping a hand over your mouth to muffle the sound. It was too much now. His mouth and fingers were unrelenting, as if worshipping your cunt was his only purpose on this earth.

“Joel—F-fuck—I think I’m gonna come.”

“You can come, baby. I got you.”

Those three words were all you needed. You came hard, sobbing and writhing and crushing Joel’s head between your thighs as you tried to clamp them shut. He could not have given less of a fuck—he continued his onslaught between your legs until you were twitching with overstimulation and pulling him off by his hair.

You threw an arm over your eyes, trying to catch your breath and recover from that earth-shattering orgasm. You heard the faint clink of a belt, followed by the soft sounds of fabric hitting the floor. You opened your eyes when the mattress dipped, revealing a very naked Joel Miller.

This took you by surprise more than anything else. You never thought that Joel would take his clothes off for you, and you wouldn’t have asked him to—he’d done it of his own volition. He wanted to bare himself to you like you had to him.

Plus, he was hot. You would have been attracted to him no matter what, but he was so undeniably sexy. His arms looked like they were carved from marble. He was broad and strong, but still had a wonderfully human softness about him. And his cock. Your mouth salivated at the sight. It was thick and long and beautiful. You wanted to drag your tongue along the vein that ran down his shaft and taste the leaking precum at the tip.

“You done starin’?” Joel asked, blushing at the way you were blatantly ogling him.

You giggled and climbed into his lap, your knees settling on either side of his hips. “Stop being so pretty if you don’t want me to stare.”

Joel let out a genuine, light-hearted laugh—something you’d only witnessed him do a handful of times. You wanted to bottle the sound and keep it forever. “I’m pretty, am I?”

“So pretty.” You leaned forward and kissed him, painfully aware of his hard cock pressed against your inner thigh.

You reached down and wrapped a hand around his length, teasing the slit with your thumb and spreading the dribbling fluid. You pumped him a few times, noticing the way his belly tightened as he sucked in a sharp breath.

“You’re so good, sweetheart," he spoke with a low, sultry tone, "but I really need to fuck you now.”

Joel had you pinned under him in a second, hiking your legs up around his hips while his cock bumped your entrance.

“Ready?” Joel asked.

You nodded eagerly and repeated what you told him earlier, “I need you.”

Joel lined the head of his cock up with your wet heat, stroking it through your folds and teasing your sensitive clit. He leaned down and placed a sweet kiss on your lips as he finally pushed into you.

The stretch stung even with how wet you were. You dug your nails into his back and tried not to wince, all while Joel planted comforting kisses around your face.

“It’ll feel good in a second, baby,” he whispered against your cheek. “Tell me to stop if it’s too much.”

“It’s okay, Joel,” you assured him. “Don’t stop.”

He paused when he was buried to the hilt, giving you a moment to adjust. You weren’t completely inexperienced, but the sheer size of Joel was a lot to take.

But it wasn't long before the sting started to morph into pleasure. You felt keyed up and desperate and so incredibly full. “You can move now.”

His hands settled on your thighs as he pulled his cock out and slowly pushed it back in. Your walls fluttered around him, spurring him on. He did it again, this time plunging it harder and faster.

You gasped at the feeling, gushing around his cock and wrapping your legs around his waist to bring him closer. He set a steady, delicious pace, pounding into you the way you hadn't even known you'd been craving.

“You’re so fuckin’ tight, sweetheart. Shit. So good. So fuckin' perfect.”

You moaned at his slurry of praise, angling your hips up so he reached even deeper. You ran a hand over his back and down to his plush ass, giving it a firm squeeze. Joel chuckled fondly and traced affectionate nibbles along your jaw.

It hit you all at once that you had never been this happy before. Having Joel in your arms, buried inside you, giving you everything he could was beyond euphoric. You didn't know if you would ever feel this good again.

And suddenly, he stopped. “What’s wrong, baby?”

Fuck. You were crying. “Nothing. Just don’t stop.”

“I need you to talk to me, sweetheart.” He made a move to pull out, but you panicked and tightened your legs around his waist to hold him there.

“It’s nothing bad. I just can’t believe this is happening,” you told him. Warm, pearly tears leaked from the corners of your eyes, but you smiled in spite of yourself. “It feels so good, and I’m just…really happy it's you.”

“Oh, sweetheart,” Joel cooed, kissing your tear-stained temples. “You’re unbelievable, you know that? So fuckin’ sweet. Gonna keep you forever, baby. Don’t worry.”

His mouth caught yours in a kiss that was both fervent and impossibly romantic. He tongue slipped past your lips, licking into your mouth with a tender intensity that had you mewling.

Joel resumed thrusting into you. His pace was slower, but his cock was hitting deeper. The warmth in your belly was quickly turning into a burning fire—a fire you wanted to keep on raging.

You were so close, and you knew Joel would never come before you did, but you were determined to hold out; to hold onto this rapturous intimacy as long as you could.

“It’s okay,” Joel said, as if he was reading your mind. “You’re okay.”

You couldn't stop it. Your walls tightened like a vice. You arched and trembled and clawed at Joel, muttering broken curses as he fucked you through your orgasm.

His hips faltered, his thrusts lost their rhythm, and you knew he was about to come. He probably needed to pull out. You probably needed to tell him to. But he just kept plunging his cock into you, and you kept letting him. His eyes were dark and pleading—he was begging you to let this happen.

You wanted him to do it. “Please, Joel.”

He growled a deep, rumbling ‘fuuuuck,' cock twitching and painting your walls with thick ropes of come.

He let out a contented sigh once he recovered and collapsed on top of you, burying his head in the crook of your neck while your fingers sifted through his damp hair.

This would be over soon. Before Joel could give in to his exhaustion and fall asleep on top of you, he would remember where he was: in a decaying cabin at the end of the world with two people who needed him. Soon enough, he would stand up, dress himself, and go back to keeping watch.

You wished you could have this with him all the time. You wished you could fall asleep with him, wake up with him, and spend your days together with some semblance of peace. You didn’t want much, but you wanted that.

“Was that your first time?”

The thought only occurred to Joel when everything was said and done and he was cleaning you up. It made sense—you were young when the outbreak happened, you’d been relatively alone until you met him and Tess, and he could tell by the way your body reacted to him that it wasn’t used to such an intrusion.

“No, but it felt like it,” you replied. “It’s the first time I’ve ever wanted to.”

Joel’s heart plummeted into his stomach. His mouth went dry, his jaw clicked the way it did when he was enraged, and he felt just about ready to kill someone.

“Not like that, Joel,” you said quickly. “I agreed to it. It was...I didn’t have anything else to trade.”

Joel was destroyed, but it wasn’t even a shocking revelation. He didn’t judge you for it—he’d turned to a lot worse in the name of survival—it just made him feel sick that you were ever in that position. You deserved to be cherished and taken care of, not used and discarded.

“Do you still do that?” He almost wanted to ask if you’d ever done it for his or Tess’s benefit, but he feared the answer would crush him.

“No. Not for years,” you replied. “It wasn’t that bad, honestly. It was only a couple of times.”

That’s still bad.

Joel held you close, stroking your hair and kissing your lovely face. Maybe it was because you had told him all of that while you were both still naked, but he felt like he needed to remind you that he adored your body, as well as the soul it carried.

He also felt like he needed to apologise. “I’m so sorry, sweetheart.”

“What for?”

“Just…everything. I hate the way I treated you.”

“I already forgave you, Joel.”

Your words should have been a relief, but they felt like a hot knife piercing right into his chest. “Why?”

“You apologised, and you changed.”

“And that’s enough?”

“Why wouldn’t it be?”

“Because I hurt you. I made you feel like you shouldn’t be here.” His throat ached as he swallowed down the emotion rising in him. He didn't want to sound as devastated as he felt, because he knew you would comfort him if he did, and this wasn’t about him.

“You didn’t make me feel like that, Joel,” you spoke with gentle reassurance. “I felt that way for a long time. Before I met you.”

“Okay, but I didn’t help.”

“No, you didn’t, but that’s over now. I don’t want to keep harping on it.”

“What do you want?” Joel asked. It was a heavy question, and one you hadn’t considered in so long—he knew that because he hadn’t either.

You snuggled into him, so cute and cosy it made him ache. “Just this. Can we have this?”

Truthfully, Joel was terrified, and he knew it wasn’t going to stop. He used to think that having you close like this would make it harder, but there was a strange sense of relief in having this with you. He didn’t have to worry from afar anymore. He could hold onto you, and look after you. He had you right there with him.

“Whatever you want, sweetheart.”

Joel laid with you until you fell asleep. He wanted to stay like that all night, sleeping with you curled up in his arms. He hoped that one day he would get to.

Right now, he needed to keep watch.

a/n: im so awkward about writing smut so if that came across while reading pls forgive me. im overall pretty happy with how this turned out. i might write some drabbles about this relationship down the road, but im leaving these two here for now. thanks for reading! p.s. in order to stay true to part one, im sick again posting this. (why do i keep getting sick??)

#joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller #joel miller imagine #the last of us #pedro pascal #the last of us hbo #the last of us fanfiction

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sa10mb0n3z · 2 months

Note

hey there! please may i request some headcanons for shane x a gn reader who is autistic? thank you!

★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★

Shane with Autistic Reader

★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★

★ I think at first, like canon, Shane doesn’t really like at all really. So when he sees your typical autistic behaviors and signs, he chalks it up to you being a weirdo.

★ Like, he has no other thoughts about you, besides the fact that you annoy him so much, but I think after like the fourth event or so, right before his infamous six heart event he’ll start to like actually enjoy your company.

★ I imagine him being incredibly mean and rude to you at first, especially after a drink or so at the bar. Like, you’re at the bar and perhaps an interest you comes up, or your favorite song and you start stimming a bit; and he’s like, ‘The fucks wrong with you?’ So loudly that you’re kinda embarrassed or something.

★ The other patrons are all like, ‘chill man. Wtf’ and you kinda slump away and apologize. But as he gets to know, perhaps while at his two heart event and you’re both drinking he’s apologizing and beating himself over the head practically and you’re like ‘It’s all good, I should’ve been masking aways’

★ Cue him confused af wondering what that means and boom! You drop the bomb, you’re autistic and you were stimming that night. You explain what stimming and masking means and he just starts to feel like shit. I think Jas has autism too or something, just on a different scale and so he beats himself up over it, apologizes again and you just smile and say you’re used to it. Which makes him feel worse because he was acting poorly to you just having fun and shit

★ Then at the six heart event, he’s thinking about all the times he’s been an ass to you and yet you’re still so nice and junk. Perhaps once you find him, he’s mentions how ableist he’s been, taking shit about how weird and annoying and childish you are. You again explain it’s fine and he goes on a long tangent about how he ruins everything and how much regret he has for being a jerk to you and yada yada. But when you talk him out of it, and he starts to recover, things go up hill.

★ As a fellow tism’ warrior, I think he would enjoy getting to know your interests and other things while recovering. I feel like once he finds your interests he’ll indulge in them just the same as you indulge in his hobbies.

★ Boom! You’re around him so much that your new hyper fixation is chickens now and he is all for it. That will definitely win him over, make that little black heart heal and junk. Yada yada, you kiss at the game and yada yada marriage and now he’s your husband and so completely different from how he used to be

★ He has small fidget toys for you and Jas, it helps you bond together with her when you eventually adopt her. Keeps AirPods on him in case you overstimulate, and when you get overwhelmed by textures on the farm, or the light outside is too bright with help you around the farm work.

★ If you really want to go crazy, perhaps he was autistic too with the whole chicken hyper fixations and now you’re the tism’ twins. You’ll help him with his depression spots that appear here and there, and he’ll help you with cooking because of your tendencies with food smell and texture totally not projecting or anything

★ All in all, I feel like once he recovers it’s basically domestic bliss with some hardships, but you’re okay with that.

#sdv shane #shane x farmer #stardew shane #jas stardew valley #shane x reader #sad chicken man #Mosquakewrites #Mofluff #anon ask #autism #autistic things #autistic adult

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silent-sanctum · 6 months

Note

I saw the post you were making requests again, so here is mine if you can do it. My favorite fanfic of your is the Gothic Metalhead Reader x Jotaro headcannon, and I want a continuation of that when they are married and had Jolyne and how after all these years they still haven't changed especially with Jotaro being the house husband (GN reader please) I love your work and hope you are doing well 🩵

hello anon! I'm a bit surprised people still found that lil headcanon I made but I'm happy you found that to be your favorite of the bunch. So, as you requested, here's a lil continuation of the reader living their best life in the years to come~ Hope you enjoy ♡

word count: 629

It’s been 10 years since you’ve started this unexpected relationship with Jotaro Kujo and that’s putting it lightly.

Who would’ve thought a metal head goth and a reserved delinquent would somehow meet one day and somehow made their obvious differences work for the long run. Regardless, it happened and you found yourself in a stable life in Florida with a hardworking husband and a cute daughter containing energy with no bounds in her tiny body.

Naturally, as time passes and you’ve grown several ages older, things changed and some of your old passions phased out. No longer were you that quiet, rebellious kid who’d consume every hot release of their favorite metal song- that teenager who’d spend their savings the second Metallica’s or Black Sabbath’s album were made available in stores.

Then again, an old habit was hard to forget, so despite losing most of your youthful goth edge, you still liked wearing dark-clothing and applying dark make-up for casual wear or for work because it just made sense for you- the fishnets, laces, corsets etc. At times, you’d even find time to plug in your earphones to listen to some old and new metal music.

Nothing beats the classic after all.

Similar happened to your spouse in a more evident way. What once was the teenager with a penchant for being “punk” and “rough-looking”, was now a man who leaned more into a “refined” appearance with his trimmed curls, light or white clothing, with the occasional academia-esque formal wear. Without the need to appeal to fellow peers, Jotaro lost his “edgy” nature in exchange of stoic formality instead.

You both changed throughout the years but at the same time, the bond you had with him never did.

Family life was something you gradually learned with Jotaro when Jolyne was brought into the world. But that’s to be expected for first-time parents. You worked out the nitty-gritty nuances of new dynamics and schedules, had areas to improve on, and some schedules to be fixed, but eventually with some time, you both had found middle ground.

Most often, you were the one working full-time in your work area while your husband would stay at home to work in his office. It worked for you because while your profession needed you to be in the area, his job didn’t require him to be in the field all the time paired with the fact that he also had his thesis to finish.

And so your typical day would start with a nice morning routine with your small family and end with you coming home from work to your daughter happily greeting you with a wide, toothy grin and your husband saying a pleasant “how’s your day?” when he’s in the middle of setting the table.

There were also times when Jolyne would find your old stash of metal albums and ever the curious child she was, she wanted to know what they were. You weren’t ashamed of your interests and you had no reasons to be embarrassed of your seemingly unique taste in music and aesthetic.

So you sat her down as if you were telling a story and you shared all you knew about your love of metal music and the appeal of goth fashion. By the end of the month, you couldn’t help but smile, flattered when you’ve noticed Jolyne taking interest in more hard-hitting songs and dark-adjacent apparel with a neon twist.

Looking back in your life like this- sitting by your table littered with pictures of your family in your office space during the break hour, you smiled to yourself as you wore your earphones to listen to the same metal song that played when you first encountered Jotaro that day.

You wouldn’t live life any other way.

#jotaro x reader #jojos bizarre adventure #jjba #jotaro kujo

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gotham-ruaidh · 7 months

Text

Little Bit Better Than I Used To Be

Catch up: Chapter 1 (Starry Eyes) || Chapter 2 (Save Our Souls) || Chapter 3 (Dancing On Glass)|| Chapter 4 (Merry-Go-Round)|| Backstage (1) || Backstage (2) || Chapter 5 (Danger)|| Backstage (3) || Chapter 6A (Love Walked In) || Chapter 6B (Without You) || Backstage (4) || Chapter 7 (Stick To Your Guns) || Chapter 8 (Time For Change) || Backstage (5) || Chapter 9 (Take Me To The Top) || Backstage (6) || Chapter 10 (Home Sweet Home) || Backstage (7) || Chapter 11a (Nightrain) || Chapter 11b (Nothing Else Matters) || Chapter 12a (Handle With Care) || Chapter 12b (I’m So Tired of Being Lonely) || Chapter 13a (Angel) || Chapter 13b (She’s My Addiction) || Chapter 13c (Patience) || Chapter 14a (Where Do We Go Now?) || Chapter 14b (Where Do We Go Now?) || Chapter 14c (Where Do We Go Now?) || Chapter 15a (Dreams) || Chapter 15b (I Sing A Song of Love) || Chapter 15c (You Can Do This If You Try) || Chapter 16 (Let That Feeling Grab You Deep Inside || Chapter 17A: Never Tear Us Apart || Chapter 17B: It’s Tough To Be Somebody, And It’s Hard Not To Fall Apart || Chapter 17C: I'm Wishing, Lord, That I Was Stoned ||| Also posted at AO3

Chapter 18: Turn The Page

New York City || September 1988

So you walk into this restaurant All strung out from the road And you feel the eyes upon you As you're shakin' off the cold You pretend it doesn't bother you But you just want to explode

-- “Turn The Page,” Bob Seger (1971) [click here to listen]

Claire Fraser took a long drink from the glass of water beside the bathroom sink. Closed her eyes. Counted five deep breaths.

Bob Seger’s voice flowed through the tiny portable radio that she and Jamie took everywhere on the road.

Here I am, on the road again There I am, up on the stage There I go playin' the star again There I go, turn the page

She opened her eyes. Listened to the man sing so passionately, so desperately, about his exhaustion and heartbreak from living in the spotlight. Touring relentlessly. Feeling displaced in his own life.

“Claire?”

Jamie poked his head around the door, humming along with the song.

Not for the first time, Claire was grateful that the tour had wildly exceeded all expectations – the private plane instead of tour buses; limos to and from the gig; and hotel suites that were so large they typically had two bathrooms.

Not that they minded sharing, of course – but living on top of each other could be hard sometimes. On nights like these, she needed her own space.

And now, Jamie met her eyes in the mirror.

Enjoyed his surprise.

“What…you…”

She turned to face him. Took a moment to admire him in all black – the dress shirt that she had ironed for him this morning, black jeans, black belt with silver studs, boots. The leather jacket whose inside pocket she tucked a love note into every morning.

She raised her arms. “What do you think?”

The red dress wasn’t something she had intended to buy, that afternoon in Miami when the band needed a few hours with Colum to discuss the European leg of next year’s tour (“the leg owed to the fans, after the shit Jamie pulled last year before he got clean,” he had reminded them). She had kindly suggested to Charlotte and Molly – Angus’ groupie girlfriends – that rather than spend another afternoon inside, they explore the shopping mall attached to the hotel. Jamie had insisted that one of the roadies go with them, to deal with any photographers or aggressive fans – but Claire had only smiled and said that it would be fine.

She had been correct, of course. It was such a breath of fresh air to walk up and down the long corridors, eat Cuban sandwiches in the food court, browse the selections in the department stores and specialty boutiques. Anonymous. To interact with sales clerks not as the wife/girlfriend of the biggest rock musicians in the world – but simply as three women having a nice afternoon out together.

And, truth be told, it was good to get some time with Charlotte and Molly. They asked – respectfully – about her relationship with Jamie, and she in turn asked – respectfully – about their relationship with Angus. Watched them tear up when Charlotte started talking about the uncertainty before them when the tour ended, and when Molly wondered whether they would ever be enough.

Not quite knowing what to say, Claire absently pulled through a clearance rack – and then…

“Ohmygod Claire!” Molly exclaimed. “You have to try that one on!”

Startled, Claire focused on the sleeveless, ankle-length red dress.

“Jamie will freak when he sees that on you!” Charlotte smiled, shifting an armful of lingerie to look closer.

Claire pursed her lips. Thinking.

“Come on, Claire! You need to look like the rockstar wife you are.” Molly grabbed the dress. “Let’s go try it on. Come on!”

Initially she had only wanted to placate Molly. But when she saw herself in the dressing room mirror, she immediately knew how Jamie would react.

Three weeks later, she was correct.

She swirled slightly, enjoying the feel of the fabric swishing around her calves. The bite of cold air on her bare chest and belly. And the incredulous look on Jamie’s face, eyes dark.

“It’s very…red,” he stammered. “Are you wearing a bra?”

She rolled her eyes. “It’s our first event as a couple. And as husband and wife. We need to make a splash.”

He swallowed. Stepped closer to take her elbows, thumbs stroking the soft skin.

“I suppose. Every man will have his eyes on you tonight.”

She shrugged. “Doesn’t matter. I’ll only feel yours.”

His eyes darkened. “I like knowing, that at any time tonight, I can just do this…” One hand trailed across the fabric of the dress, over her breast, until it reached the strip of exposed skin spanning her neck to her navel. “And then this…” His thumb edged under the flap, teasing the underside of her breast, in the way he knew would drive her absolutely crazy.

Her lips parted. His eyes locked on hers – taking in the red tones sweeping her eyes and cheeks, and her scarlet lipstick, and the silver hoops hanging in her ears.

“Can we just stay here tonight?” he asked softly, not exactly joking.

She shook her head. “Jamie, Lou fucking Reed came to the show at Madison Square Garden last night and not only insisted on meeting you and complimenting your music, he invited us to his party tonight. He’s had his own addiction issues, he’s not a dummy. And we’ve talked about this, we can’t avoid parties forever. It will be good for all those people to see you.”

He removed his thumb from her breast, and bridged the gap between them to lean his forehead against hers. Without words, their hands found each other, twining and grasping.

As was their habit now, he pressed their thumbs together. The C she had tattooed at the base of his thumb, mingling with the J he had tattooed at the base of her thumb.

“It’s going to be so hard, Claire. Not that I don’t want to see people, or show you off, or help you get to know them.” He swallowed. “I’ve been to these kinds of parties before. Huge open bar. Waitresses in low cut dresses handing around trays of drugs like it was a tray of snacks. People doing lines on the tables. People…fucking in the bathroom.”

She swallowed. “I’ll stay with you the whole time. You can be my excuse to stop talking to someone if it gets too awkward. Or to say no, if something like that is offered to you. You know I don’t care, right?”

He nodded. Hands shaking.

“Do you want to call Raymond?”

He shook his head. “Not right now. Tomorrow, definitely. Let me see how I get through this. Maybe we agree on a few points for tonight?”

“Anything. I love you.”

He smiled. “OK. I’ve got gum in my pocket – that will keep us from getting too thirsty. And if we need something to drink, we’ll ask for club soda, and we’ll watch the drink poured in front of us. I don’t care if it’s awkward. I can’t trust.”

She released one hand from his grip, and slid it into the back pocket of his jeans. “Got it. And you know it’s easier if we touch, right? Hold my hand. Put your hand on my hip. I don’t care. I’ll be right there with you. And you’ll be right there for me.”

He stepped closer, and she parted her legs, and he stood between them. Pressing her hips against the bathroom counter.

“If we get separated, Jamie, I promise I’ll stay true to my sobriety, and to you.”

“I promise the same. I only want you.”

“I’ll touch my letter on you. Will you?”

“Yes,” he swallowed. Kissing the arch of her eyebrow. “That will help. But let’s also agree on a signal, if one of us feels need for love. And the need to go.”

She rubbed the tip of her nose against his. Breath so warm on his lips. “How about…” She tapped the center of his chest. “Touch here. Close to your heart. That’s where I feel need, when I want to love you. Is that where you feel it, too?”

“Yes,” he breathed. “It pools here. Like fire. God, I need to kiss you, Claire. Please let me kiss you.”

She turned her face away, smiling. “I don’t want you to smudge my lipstick. And I want you to hold that thought all night, Jamie. Hold on to that pool of fire. Can you do that for me?”

She felt his smile against her jaw. “Gonna be so, so good when we get back here,” he growled.

“I know, baby. It will keep us strong and true tonight. I love you.”

He pulled back a bit. Raised her hand to his lips. Kissed her wedding ring.

“I love you, Dr. Mrs. Fraser.”

She smiled. “I love you, you idiot. Come on. The limo should be waiting.”

#outlander #outlander fanfic #little bit better than i used to be #jamie and claire

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nichoswag · 1 year

Note

hiii !! i love your writing so much omg🥲🥲 can I request a jo oneshot (f!reader) where the reader is at a convenience store and some older guy starts to prey on her (does that make sense ? 😭) and the reader doesn’t know what to do until she sees jo and asks him to pretend to be her bf or maybe she gives him hints that she’s in need of help. after the guy leaves maybe jo and the reader could exchange numbers or smth ? JDJDJD my english is so bad so idk if that even made sense im so sorry if it didnt 😭 also its totally okay if you’re not comfortable with writing this! im just in need of more jo oneshots (&team oneshots in general) they’ve been stuck in my head for so long 🥲

safe . asakura jo

pairing: stranger!jo x female reader

warnings: stalking, reader is being followed, creepy man, typical saved from a stalker scenario, jo is a total sweetheart, angst and fluff, petnames (babe, pretty)

song rec: young luv - stayc

a/n: sorry for the wait anon. and your english is perfectly fine, i understood it fully! i also feel you so much on the lack of &t content on this app! maybe i'll start doing fic recs to provide you guys with more works by other amazing authors i love!! also, this is a great request and i enjoyed writing it so much!!! enjoy ♡

it's a dark, cold night. the sun set around three hours ago, so it's getting to be pretty late into the night.

you walk down the street clutching your jacket closer to your body, shoulders pulled nearly up to your ears.

that's when you hear footsteps behind you.

the first thing that's odd about this is the fact that this is a route you take home often, and you've literally never run into anyone at this time of night due to the roads all being side streets.

as a normally anxious person, you think of what you've been taught to do in this situation- the most common trick. you take three right turns in a row, not getting lost since you know the roads well. however, even as you come back to where you first heard the footsteps behind you, you can still hear them, and they sound as if they're coming closer.

you panic at this point, speeding up until you're nearly running. the footsteps become faster and louder to match your pace.

you make a sharp turn into a convenience store, but the man follows you inside. noticing the cashier looks like a teen who would likely not be of much help, you settle for heading towards the tall guy in the back near the drinks.

as you get near him, you grab his sleeve, effectively startling him. "did you wait for a long time?" he looks extremely confused. you have to lean up on your toes as much as possible to get closer to his ear because he's so much taller than you. you do so and explain the situation in a whisper as the man walks into the aisle behind you.

he quickly looks concerned and holds your hand, seeming to realize he should play along. "i didn't wait long at all, pretty."

you smile up at him, eternally grateful. you think to yourself that you owe him severely if you ever meet again.

"do you want something to drink?" he asks, seeming to really get into the boyfriend role. still holding your hand tightly, he steps back and gestures to the fridge area for you to pick.

"you don't have to do that, babe," you say, blushing a bit.

"no, no, go ahead. you should really drink something," he insists. "you've been walking for a while, you must be thirsty."

you tilt your head, not sure if he's serious or just playing the role well. he nods his head. you pick out a drink you like and he takes it from your hand and picks out his own drink as well. he walks towards the front of the store still holding your hand.

he looks back at the man who was following you to find him already staring, but he doesn't make any move to come closer to the two of you.

after the nice guy checks out, you both walk out of the store.

"would you like me to walk you home?" he asks. "just to be safe."

you contemplate for a moment before nodding. "i live near here, so it's not that far of a walk. thank you so much for this- and the drink, too."

you both begin to walk in the direction of your house, still hand-in-hand.

"of course," he smiles sweetly. "i hate how careful ladies have to be walking around nowadays... it's crazy that something bad could happen to you even in your own neighborhood."

you huff. "tell me about it. i've only been followed like this a few times, but i hear it happens to a lot of girls my age."

he sighs. "it's ridiculous. oh, i'm jo, by the way."

you smile up at him. "i like that name. i'm ____."

"pretty name for a pretty girl," he cheeses.

you cringe, giggling. "thanks for the compliment, but that was so corny."

he laughs. "i know- i realized after i said it."

you talk and laugh the whole way home, up until you get to your house. you didn't even mean to let him walk you the whole way home, you would've stopped him at the start of your street, but you kind of lost track, being so distracted.

"well, this is it." you turn towards him, finally letting go of his hand. "again, thank you so much. i don't know what i would have done if you hadn't helped me."

he smiles shyly, his face flushed. "no problem. could i maybe get your number? you can text or call me next time something like this happens. i live just down the street, so i'll come running."

you blush, taking his phone to add yourself as a contact. "you're really cute. maybe we could just hang out sometime, no creepy man involved?"

he chuckles. "yeah- that'd be nice."

you say your goodbyes. he watches until you get to your door to make sure you make it inside okay before you see him leave through your window.

you blush as you think of the whole interaction again.

thank you, jo, you think. for making me feel safe.

©nichoswag | do not copy my work or repost onto any other platform.

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astermath · 1 year

Text

happy birthday

pairing: carmen berzatto x fem!reader

summary: carmen reminds you it’s your birthday. the two of you celebrate in your own way.

word count: 0.8K

notes: got inspired by @superhoeva and her super cute carmen blurbs, def check her stuff out!! lmk if you’d like to be added to the tag list for further carmen berzatto related content! requests are open!

By now, you’re used to closing up with Carmen. You were used to his routine of cleaning up and organizing, the order in which he’d do things, the cigarette you shared after you were done.

And Carmen had gotten used to you too. The songs you’d hum as you mopped the floor, the way you’d sneakily organize the documents on his desk, the way you always put the spices back in the wrong order, but it was fine, because it was you.

So needless to say you were a bit surprised when your usual routine was disturbed. You were in the middle of dusting off the cooker hood when he suddenly disappeared. “Carmy?” You’d called out, putting the cloth away for a moment to go look for him. What a great setup for a horror movie this would have been...

You walked into his office and looked around, until your eyes fell on a single slice of pie on his desk, adorned with a lit birthday candle. You raised an eyebrow, approaching and noticing the card besides it.

You noticed a shadow behind you, and there he was, leaning against the doorway. Though that still didn’t explain things for you, a confused expression remaining on your face. “What’s this for?” You question, gesturing to the dessert.

A small smile graced his typically tired features. “S’your birthday today.”

Oh.

Fuck, right.

“Oh... Shit.” You said, chuckling to yourself. You recalled you told him in passing over a month ago, complaining that you didn’t have time to celebrate and that the years were practically passing you by.

You sat down at his desk, inspecting the clearly store bought card. It read “it’s a girl!”, with “girl” crossed out in red sharpie and your age written beneath it.

“It was the only one they had left,” Carmen said, returning to sit at his desk with you with the rest of the pie. “I hope the pie makes up for it.”

You chuckled. “Absolutely,” you glanced at the candle”, “now do I make a wish or somethin’?”

“You can.” He started cutting himself a slice.

“Hm... Alright.” You leaned in, closing your eyes and blowing out the candle. “Now I gotta taste this. Made it yourself?”

He rolled his eyes, laughing sarcastically. “I’m offended you’d think I’d curse your birthday with store bought pie. Dig in.”

You obliged, taking a bite and leaning back in your seat, nodding. “Mhm, mhm... As expected, delicious.” You went in for another bite. “Never took you for a pastry chef.”

“Me neither,” He took a bite himself, “improvised a bit for the special occasion.”

Your heart fluttered slightly at the thought of him going out of his comfort zone a bit just to make you something nice. All for an occasion you didn’t even remember. As much as he sucked at showing it, he did really care about his crew. And... Maybe just a little more about you specifically. But he’d never admit that to the rest.

The two of you enjoy a slice of pie in relative silence, before returning to the parking lot, sitting on the curb, where he lit a cigarette.

“You know,” you started, “I haven’t done anything for my birthday in years.” You looked at him, the glow emitting from his lighter doing wonders for framing his face. Even after a painfully long shift, he was still so pretty. You’d even go as far the tiredness of his features added to his look.

“Well,” He handed you the cigarette, “hope this was a nice change of pace.” Your fingers linger over each other a little longer than usual when you take it from him.

“Yeah,” you smile, “it was.” You brought it to your lips, looking up at the night sky, and Carmen did the same. “Although I could think of something else that could have made it even better.”

Carmen smiled slightly, thinking your answer would have been something along the lines of “whipped cream” or “champagne”.

What he didn’t expect was to feel your hand on his cheek, bringing his attention towards you, and to feel your soft lips on his.

You flicked the cigarette to the side and tilted your head slightly, leaning in further to deepen the kiss. He returned it after getting over his initial surprise, hands not moving as he was still processing what was happening. Just like it had been ages since you’d celebrated your birthday, it had been ages since he’d been kissed. If he could even remember the last time...

You pulled away after a few moments, eyes remaining closed in fear of opening them and it all being a dream. They fluttered open at the feeling of his hand coming up to touch your jaw.

“Shit... That...” He started, eyes half lidded and cheeks tinged pink with a soft blush.

“Don’t you dare say ‘that was fire chef’...” You laughed and he followed along, foreheads leaning against each other as you both savored the moment.

“Well, I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t.” He smiled, leaning in once again.

Damn.

You didn’t expect your birthday wish to come true so quickly.

tag list <3

@beebslebobs @thatone-brightstar @spr3id @deadandstill

#aster writes the bear #carmenmath #carmen berzatto #carmen berzatto x reader #carmen x reader #the bear #the bear fic #the bear writing #carmen berzatto fic #carmen berzatto imagine #carmen berzatto the bear #carmen berzatto blurb #jeremy allen white

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parkerslatte · 1 year

Text

Songbird || THREE

Eddie Roundtree x Fem!Reader

Warnings: none

Word Count: 2.5k

Part Summary: Y/N moves in with The Six and finished her new song. And Billy and Graham have exciting news.

previous chapter / next chapter

Series Masterlist

Main Masterlist

Taglist

•••

TRACK THREE;

EXACTLY WHAT I WANT

…

INTERVIEWER: How did you feel about Y/N moving in?

BILLY DUNNE: I didn’t know her well at first, but Camila enjoyed having her around.

KAREN SIRKO: Having Y/N around was a break I didn’t know I needed. There was too much testosterone in the house.

CAMILA DUNNE: I loved having Y/N move in. She became my closest friend.

…

Y/N only had one box of belongings and a couple of bags containing her clothes, she didn’t really have much. Typically when someone asks to move into their house, the instant response would be a definite no. But Y/N said yes, she had no real reason to stay where she was, the rent was too high for the small and shitty apartment she lived in and the two girls she lived with barely knew her.

Bumping into Karen and Graham while she was working her shift at the record shop had been a blessing in disguise. Living with other musicians was something Y/N had never experienced but she was excited to.

“Is this everything?” Graham asked, grabbing the box.

“Yep,” Y/N said, “I don’t own much.”

Graham nodded before taking the box down to the van. Y/N picked up her bags and took a final look around the apartment that never really felt like home. Louisa, one of the girls Y/N lived with stopped in her tracks noticing Y/N standing there with her things.

“You’re moving out?” She questioned.

“Yeah, I told you last night.” Y/N says.

“Oh,” Louisa says, “Well good luck, Penelope.”

Louisa continued her route to the kitchen without another word. Y/N rolled her eyes, glad to be moving out. With one final look around the apartment, Y/N stepped out.

***

Y/N entered the house with Graham following behind her. Looking around, everything was messy and unorganised but it felt like a home. A smile grew on her face.

“You’ll be sharing with Karen.” Graham says, leading the way through the house to the bedroom.

Y/N followed, taking in every aspect of the house as she did so. No one else seemed to be awake yet as it was quite early in the morning.

“Karen’s awake so you can put your things just through there.” Graham says.

Y/N nodded before she opened the door, Karen was sorting through her bag as she stepped into the room.

“Hi.” Y/N greeted with a smile, as soon as she met Karen the two instantly got along.

“Hey,” Karen greeted, turning to her new roommate, “You ready to share a house with all of these idiots.”

Y/N chuckled, “Well it can’t be any worse than my previous roommates so consider me excited.”

Y/N placed her things down on the floor, deciding to sort everything out later in the day. She wanted to get to know everyone first.

“Famous last words.” Karen says as the two walk back through the house and to the kitchen where Graham, Billy and Camila sat.

“Hi!” Camila stands coming over to Y/N’s side, “I’m Camila, I’ve heard a lot about you. It’s nice to finally meet you.” She pulls Y/N into a hug.

In conversation Graham had mentioned Camila in a few passing comments but from those quick passing comments, Y/N could tell how lovely the woman was, and she was correct.

“It’s lovely to meet you too Camila.” Y/N says, hugging the woman back.

“And this is Billy.” Camila says, pulling away from the hug, gesturing to the one person Y/N hadn’t yet been introduced to.

“Nice to meet you Billy.” Y/N says.

In return Billy gives Y/N a tight lipped smile and a nod of his head in acknowledgement. Y/N didn’t continue to further pursue any conversation with Billy, she just sat down at the kitchen table.

…

Y/N L/N: I’ve never had a close bond with Billy, he was always a little standoffish with me, no idea why. But I do have to thank him in a way, because I wouldn’t be where I am now if he didn’t help me out along the way.

INTERVIEWER: Who were you closest to in the band?

Y/N L/N: Probably Warren and Karen.

INTERVIEWER: What about Eddie Roundtree? People have said how close the two of you were in the beginning.

Y/N L/N: [smiles]

…

Y/N lightly strummed her guitar, reading from her notebook open in front of her. The lyrics she had written jotted down in messy handwriting. Songwriting didn’t necessarily come naturally to Y/N. She had to try to make something remotely sound good. All of the songs in her notebook were ones she had taken her time writing.

“What are you still doing up?” Eddie questions, walking into the living room.

“I’m just working on this new song, I’m struggling to finish it,” Y/N says, bringing her notebook closer to her, “I tried to sleep but it’s the only thing on my mind currently.”

Eddie, abandoning the reason he had left his warm room to venture out into the cold night air for a glass of water, moved to sit next to Y/N on the couch.

“Play it for me.” Eddie says.

Y/N’s eyes went wide, “No! It’s not finished.”

“What happened to the girl who said that she’s fucking amazing?” Eddie questioned.

“And I still stand by that with the songs that I’ve perfected and are ready to perform, not shit songs that are only half done and I have no idea where to go from here.” Y/N says, “I’m not the best songwriter.”

“Really?” Eddie says, raising his eyebrow, “I’ve heard some of your songs Y/N, they’re amazing.”

“That’s because I’ve put my blood sweat and tears into them, literally.” Y/N says, “This one just isn’t coming together.”

“Play it for me.” Eddie says.

“But-”

“Play it.” He says softly.

Y/N sighs, knowing that Eddie wasn’t going to take no for an answer. She cleared her throat and began to play.

Whenever Y/N played, she got lost in the music, normally she felt like no one was around her. However she was fully aware of Eddie’s presence next to her. Y/N abruptly stopped playing.

“It’s going to be horrible.” Y/N says.

“Y/N,” Eddie says, “Play.”

Eddie’s eyes looked deep into hers. In the short time of knowing Eddie, she knew that he wouldn’t mock her or make fun of her so she didn’t know why she was so nervous to play a song.

Starting again, Y/N began playing her guitar. Slowly but surely everything faded away until it was just her and her guitar. She sang softly, the lyrics flowing naturally.

Eddie watched Y/N get lost in the music. He could tell that the song needed work but already it sounded amazing. He wasn’t sure if it was the lyrics or the sound of Y/N’s voice that made it sound amazing.

Y/N stopped as she ran out of lyrics, “That’s all I’ve got.”

Eddie didn’t say anything for a moment and it made Y/N cringe, “That bad?”

“No, not at all,” Eddie says quickly, “It needs work, but it’s amazing.”

“Don’t lie.”

“I’m not lying,” Eddie says, “It’s good Y/N, you’re good.”

Y/N smiled, “I’m more than good, I’m fucking fantastic.”

Eddie laughed before he sunk back down on the couch, listening to Y/N play all night.

***

After that night slaving away over the song, Y/N finally finished it and she was proud of it. More proud than she had ever been over any other song she had written. The song was titled In the Morning. As soon as she finished it, she immediately ran to Eddie’s room to play him the finished song. After that she played it for everyone in the house, it was Y/N’s favourite song that she had written.

Playing it for everyone in the house was one thing, but playing it for the people at McNasties had been another thing. Everyone loved it and Y/N loved playing it for people. Nearly every night the band would perform and then Y/N would perform. Camila would always be in attendance filming the band and Y/N.

For her entire life Y/N never felt connected to many people but meeting the band and said band welcoming her with open arms made her feel connected to them in such a short amount of time. Every smile Y/N gave everyone was always genuine, in fact she could rarely keep a smile off her face.

Performing at McNasties was amazing, despite how small the bar was and how small the stage was. The only downside to it was rent, out of everyone Y/N was making the most amount of money with her taking as many shifts as she could at the record store and contributing as much of it to rent as she could, along with food and any supplies they needed. She never had any money to buy anything for herself anymore. But Y/N didn’t care, she was happy.

Y/N and the band all sat together cramped in a small booth in a cafe. Graham, Camila and Billy one side while Karen, Warren, Eddie and Y/N were squished up together on the other side. Y/N sat at the end, Eddie’s arm wrapped around her, to stop her falling off. Not that it was making much of a difference, she was already half off the seat.

Camila counted the money she had onto the table, sighing as she did so.

“What happened to that producer you went up to?” Eddie questioned, “The one with that parrot?

“Parrot guy passed on us.” Camila says

“Wow,” Eddie says, picking up a slice of his toast, “That is bleak.”

“Might want to save half that toast for tomorrow, Eddie,” Camila says, “This is barely enough to cover the rent.”

“Fuck.” Eddie muttered, picking up the two remaining slices of toast off the plate and putting them in his pocket.

“Eww,” Y/N says as he did so, “At least wrap them in a tissue first, they’re gonna have lint on them.”

“Y/N do you know any producers?” Warren questioned.

“If I did, I wouldn’t be sitting here right now with you guys,” Y/N says, “I’ve been trying for years.”

Everyone fell into silence momentarily, “Fuck it, man,” Warren spoke, “Maybe old Chuckie was right, huh? Maybe this was all just a big mistake and that we should have just stayed at home with our moms, saved money on rent, become dentists.”

“I mean, I’ve sent out hundreds of photographs and not a single fucking paper has responded,” Camila said, “I mean, should I just quit? No one said it was gonna be easy.”

“Also, while we’re talking about stuff,” Warren said, cutting in, “How come I’m the only one without a bed in the house?”

“Well, you could’ve taken Karen and Y/N’s room.” Billy said, like it was obvious.

“No I couldn’t of, that room is haunted.” Warren stated.

“It’s not haunted.” Y/N says with a roll of her eyes.

“And I’m eating pocket toast so…” Eddie cut in, raising his toast up to prove a point.

“Put it away,” Y/N says softly, lowering his hand, “And wrap it in a tissue this time.”

“Why are we still called The Dunne Brothers?” Karen questioned, completely changing the subject, “I mean, three of us aren’t Dunnes, and the last time I checked, I’m nobody’s brother.”

“So you want to change our name?” Billy asks.

“I personally think that’s a great idea.” Eddie says, taking a sip of his coffee.

Billy turns to look at Eddie, giving him a mix of a questioning glance and a glare.

Eddie sighs, “I’m just saying what everyone’s thinking.”

“Well, the name is the name, so…that’s how people know us.” Billy stated, wanting to move off the topic of conversation.

“Yeah but it’s not exactly doing much for us though.” Eddie argues.

“And at this point in time, no one really knows you by your name,” Y/N cuts in, “Most people know me by the titles of my songs not my name. I could change my name and people wouldn’t notice. That’s why I introduce myself every night even if the crowd is the same. It gets the name to stick. You still have a chance to change the name if you want to.”

Billy sends a quick glare Y/N’s way, causing her to shrink back in her seat a little.

“How about Immaculate Reception?” Warren suggests.

“No, that is awful.” Karen shuts it down.

“We’re not changing the name.” Billy says but it goes unheard by everyone.

“I mean, listen, if we’re throwing stuff out there, Hercules is still on the table.” Graham suggested but was shut down by a larger reaction than Warren’s suggestion.

“Deliverance. Espionage. Poison.” Eddie says, throwing names out.

“The six of us will never agree on a name, alright? So let’s just…”

“What about The Six?” Karen suggests.

“But there’s five of us.” Eddie says.

Karen looks over to Camila, everyone understanding what she meant.

“But what about Y/N?” Warren questions.

“Oh no,” Y/N says, “I’m not a part of the band and don’t want to be, no offence.”

“Okay, but won’t people get confused.”

“Well, we can’t be The Five.” Warren says like the answer is obvious.

“Why?” Eddie asks.

“Cause The Dave Clark Five, cause The Jackson 5, everybody’s The Five.” Warren explains.

“I like The Six.” Graham says with a nod.

“Sure as hell better than Hercules.” Warren says with a chuckle.

***

“Wait, wait so you ran off the stage.” Warren questions with a laugh.

“I was nine and forgot the lyrics to the song, of course I ran off.” Y/N says, defending herself.

Y/N, Warren, Eddie, Karen and Camila all lounged about in the living room drinking and having a good time. With her legs draped over Warren and her head resting on Eddie’s lap, Y/N was in the most comfortable position in the world.

“All I’m saying is that you could have made some lyrics up, you are a songwriter.” Warren said.

“I was nine, I wasn’t going to make up a whole song on the spot and perform like a dancing monkey,” Y/N laughed, “You know most people would be mortified to ever go on stage again after a situation like that but it just made me want to go on stage more.”

“But you, Y/N L/N, aren't like most people.” Warren said, taking a swig from his drink.

“Who would want to be like everyone else?” Y/N questions, “That’s boring. I wanna make a name for myself. Y/N L/N, I can imagine my name up in lights.” Y/N smiled at the thought.

The conversation was cut short as Billy and Graham came speeding into the living room.

“Good you’re all here.” Billy says.

“What’s going on?” Camila questions, her eyebrows furrowing in confusion.

Y/N sits up from Eddie’s lap and swings her legs off Warren’s lap, now sitting normally on the couch between them.

“We just ran into Teddy Fucking Price and he gave me his card and the chance to perform for him!” Billy said, a wide smile on his face, Graham having a similar one.

“Shut up,” Warren says with a grin spreading across his face, “You serious?”

Billy shows the card as the band and Camila gather around it. Y/N watched them from the couch, her smile slowly fading. Of course she was happy for them, they were her friends, but something inside of her made her stop smiling. Jealousy perhaps. Y/N had been doing what she had been for years and now The Six have done what was her major goal in only a few months. She couldn’t help but feel a little jealous.

Y/N smiled once more as Camila turned to her, a look of pure joy on her face. Reaching out to grab her hand, Camila pulled her up and hugged her. Y/N hugged back, however not as enthusiastically. She wished that this excitement was for her.

________________

Taglist:

@mannstarkey

#eddie roundtree #eddie roundtree x reader #eddie loving #eddie loving x reader #daisy jones and the six x reader #daisy jones and the six #josh whitehouse

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myers-meadow · 1 year

Text

Otis B. Driftwood x fem reader: Heaven help the fool who falls in love

Title: Heaven help the fool who falls in love

Pairing: Otis B. Driftwood x fem reader. Reader is not American and has long, straight hair.

Summary: On one particular night, Otis finds himself irritated at the usual way of things, and even more so at his sister. She seems to have it so easy, adoration is waiting for her at every corner. What does Otis get, though? Is there anyone who would want him as he is? Perhaps there is, he discovers as he goes to a bar to get away. That meeting gives him hope - and a boner.

Warnings: mentions of sex, 18 +, canon-typical mentions of stuff.

Wordcount: 1051

Hope you enjoy this sweet and spicy insight into a night of Otis' life! If you did, please reblog or leave a comment so I know you liked it <3 It would mean a lot to me.

Dividers by @/firefly-graphics

The house was chaos once again. Screams, crying, thumping and laughter from Baby’s room. That day, it annoyed Otis. The usual joy of it was gone. He reflected on how the chase was, earlier. How Baby lured the group to the house with such ease. She just bat her eyes at any man coming by and they’d come with her without a grain of suspicion in their pea-sized brains. Worst of all, Baby liked it, the attention, the way they worshipped her before the evils made themselves known. It must be nice, knowing that affection and adoration waits just around the corner. What does Otis get, then? They call him a weirdo, a freak. Not that he minds any of that. But the curled up lips, the stares, the subtle rejections… it’s a world of difference. He needed to get away from the house.

“Hey handsome,” was the waitress’ greeting as Otis entered the bar. One of his favourite country songs played, something with a bit of blues mixed in. “I’ll be right with you,” she added, before pushing open the doors to the kitchen and walking out of sight.

Pushing himself up on a bar stool, Otis looked around at the patrons. Quite busy at this hour. It was a lot easier to disappear for a little while when Baby wasn’t with him. Otis knew he wasn’t much of a looker, and he was content with that. No one cared to look twice. Besides, he wasn’t the ugliest one at the bar by far, he thought, as his eyes drifted over one of the patrons in the corner. Shrugging, he turned to the waitress again as he heard her enter, the door slamming shut behind her.

“What’ll it be, handsome?” she asked. There she went again with the flattery. He ordered his beer, and sipped in silence.

“You new here?” he asked, taking her in, taking his time staring her down in a way he knew creeped many out. She continued unloading the dishwasher as if she didn’t notice. She had a bit of an accent, unplaceable but certainly foreign.

“Somewhat, yeah. You a regular?” As she leaned down to gather the plates, her hair fell out of its updo and showed how long it was. Longer than Baby’s. Straighter too. He could wrap it around her neck and choke her with it. At that thought, he suppressed a smile.

“Only when I need to get away,” he answered to her question.

“You’re certainly not alone in that,” she said, giving him a wink as she pushed her hair up and tried her best to comb through the tangles and redo how she had it before. A bearded guy moved next to Otis, and tapped the counter with his car keys to get her attention.

“What’ll it be, sir?” she said, hands still fussing with her hair, only lowering them when the scrunchie snapped into place. As she poured the beers for the bearded man and his pals, she kept glancing over at Otis in a way he didn’t much like.

Or rather, it was the way that those stolen glances made him feel which he didn’t much like.

Once he was home, in bed, with his clothes still on, having a cigarette and watching the smoke rise to the ceiling, he thought of her. There were questions in his mind – and: ‘better luck next time’ rang through his head in what sounded like Baby’s voice. His thoughts turned sour again. It was a joy hunting with her, but when-

“Fuckin’ hell,” Otis muttered, sitting up and pressing the cigarette onto the plate on his nightstand. In the room next to his, separated by just a thin wall, was Baby and her entertainment for the night. Normally he’d leave her be and look forward to getting to cut apart the poor fellow later – not that night though. Banging his fist against the wall, Otis yelled at them to be quiet, which was just met with giggles and faster thumping. Fuck, sometimes he hated his sister.

Regardless, the noises from beside him and the girl on his mind prevented him from getting to sleep. His ratty t-shirt was the first to hit the floor. How would it be? A regular girl – not a victim, still smiling, whispering how handsome he is, leaving lipstick marks on his neck and by his ear. When he got to the button of his jeans, it wasn’t a surprise he was half-hard already. Cursing softly under his breath, he stared up, imagining her on top of him. Would she be shy? Experienced? Not that it mattered, he’d guide her through it. Teach her how to please him. His grip was tight, almost too much so, but even he had trouble showing himself kindness. But she’d feel good. Warm. Soft. He bared his neck at nothing, but it almost felt like her teeth scraped over the skin when he closed his eyes.

A particular irregular thump from beside him shook him from his bliss, and he shouted something cruel, hands too occupied to hit the wall a second time. He hoped his girl didn’t giggle like Baby did. His girl… The ease with which those words hooked themselves in him was lost on him as he squeezed his cock. Precum slicked up his hand, making his strokes more pleasurable. A low groan from the back of his throat lingered in the air. She’d moan so beautifully for him, he was sure. The pace of his hand increased as he imagined her on top of him. Her breasts bouncing as he’d fuck up into her, tugging at her nipples, or his hand around her throat to keep her put. Her blissful expression, not too dissimilar to how he looked then, eyes closed, lips parted, sweat on his brow. Or; pulling her down to him by the hair, to kiss him, keeping her close. Another guttural moan left his throat, and a gasp, as he spilled over his hand and his abdomen. He fell back into his pillow, chest heaving. Too lazy to get up and clean himself, he dangled his arm over the bed, finding his discarded t-shirt and wiped the cum off with it. Better luck next time, he told himself, and hoped he’d dream of her.

#otis b driftwood #otis driftwood #otis b driftwood x reader #otis driftwood x reader #house of 1000 corpses #slasher community #slasher fandom

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infin1ty-garden · 1 year

Text

VALENTINE'S DAY

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳ ✦ summary: headcanons of the shadow & bone characters on valentine's day ˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳ ✦ character(s): nikolai lantsov, tamar kit-bataar, tolya yul-bataar, genya safin and zoya nazyalensky ˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳ ✦ warnings: none ˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳ ✦ word count: 752 ˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳ ✦ author note: NOT A MODERN AU! sorry some are a bit shorter

masterlist.

NIKOLAI LANTSOV

✦ He would overplan and over think every detail, he's worse than Genya

✦ Thoughts like "Which gift would you like better?" "An outdoor or indoor date?" "Maybe a date at the theatre?"

✦ He'd spent nights planning but nothing seemed right, Zoya knocked some sense into him. "I think they wouldn't mind all this expensive stuff, but you being there is enough"

✦ Would end up going simple, inviting you to dine with him

✦ The food would be some of the best you'd ever tasted

✦ After the dinner you would walk the gardens together, enjoying the fresh air when with his luck, he's being called back to the palace

✦ "May I have this dance," Nikolai intrigued by what your doing, takes you up on the offer

✦ The two of us danced until the meeting was on the back of his mind but eventually he had to leave but not without a kiss

TAMAR YUL BATAAR

✦ Tamar's mentality is more of "let's see what the day brings" but she does have some stuff planed

✦ The ship had docked in Novy Zem, a festival taking place near the docks. Tamar remembered you wanting to visit it

✦ The festival had carts lining the street with all kinds of delicacies from every corner of the world. Streets booming with colours. It was a beautiful site

✦ Tamar and you spent the day trying all kinds of food and just being around each other. She didn't mind spending all her money just for you to keep that lovely smile

✦ Then the both of you found yourselves in a local bar, singing songs you'd only learned the words to an hour ago

✦The day ended in a cot, somehow two people fitting in such a small space. You laying completely on her, sound asleep

TOLYA YUL BATAAR

✦ Tolya is the romantic out of the twins

✦ Still he would go simple being apart of Nikolai's crew means travelling a lot and that leaves out, a typical dinner date

✦ Living on a ship as well doesn't help. There aren't many places for a quite talk, let alone a date

✦ Instead he turns to what he knows best, poetry. He would spend days looking for the perfect book and then weeks annotating it. Underlining verses that reminds him of you or moments shared together

✦ He would invite you to the deck and by the time he did most of the crew were asleep. You thought he'd forgotten the holiday all together, you were wrong. He gave you a box of sweets he'd bought at the port in Novy Zem, along with the book

✦ You'd spent the rest of the night sharing the sweets and just enjoying each other's company

✦ When you finally had the chance to read the book, some of the poems described the stars lost in the night's sky, a sea of darkness, finding their true purpose upon the arrival of the moon. "You're my moon, the only purpose I need" (sorry it's cheesy)

GENYA SAFIN

✦ Genya would go above and beyond to make the perfect valentine's day date

✦ A picnic date if the weather calls for it with both of your favourite snacks, foods and deserts

✦ If it does end up raining a nice date indoors would be something she prefers over, a fancy dinner

✦ She doesn't mind dining in a expensive restaurant, but she thinks a more personal dinner at home, is better

✦ Genya would plan everything down to the last minute especially if it's your first valentine's day together

✦ She ended up getting her picnic date

✦ All kinds of foods were lined up in front of you as you enjoyed the sunny day and spending time with Genya

ZOYA NAZYALENSKY

✦ You would be the one planning the date and Zoya would act as if the holiday has little significance to her. You'd decided a date at a fancy restaurant was the way to go

✦ She'd loved it, the one you chose wasn't too crowded and the food was delicious. You'd talked about your future plans with one another, how your day had gone and so on

✦ After leaving the restaurant, the two of you headed somewhere a bit more reclusive to watch the fireworks

✦ Zoya too busy staring at the fireworks, didn't notice your hands putting something around her neck. Once she tore her eyes from the literal explosions of colour, she spotted a beautiful necklace. "Happy Valentine's day."

Thank you for reading!

74 notes · View notes

jahayla-parker · 2 years

Note

🎃~ my hobbies are music and writing, put it togethed and you get a singer/songwriter haha, so i spend a lot of my free time working out melodies and coming up with lyrics. (kaz brekker, romantic)

Lowering The Tides - The Power of Music: Kaz Brekker x Reader

Description: 14.5k wc reader is a crow and Kaz has long harbored feelings for her (cause as we know, the man can’t be honest about that) but when he learns her secret hobby it only intensifies his feelings.

Warnings: typical SoC warnings/material, mentions of trauma, violence, etc.

Obviously credit goes to Taylor Swift for the songs and all rights belong to her.

This is kinda long but hopefully you enjoy it!

“Are you going to be making this a daily occurrence Jesper?” Kaz asked harshly, barely glancing up at the sharpshooter from his desk.

“I don’t know what you’re referencing boss” Jesper lied, hands tightening on his revolvers nervously.

Kaz glowered at him again before turning back to his work without a response.

Jesper sighed and plopped himself in the one seat he knew he shouldn’t.

The crows often switched seats each time they’d enter depending on who would arrive first or how close they wanted to be to Kaz (or rather how far from him).

However, there was only one seat that never changed, and it belonged to y/n.

Of course Kaz would never verbalize this.

But he had made it clear to everyone that no one else would be tolerated in that seat.

Y/n had joined the crows quite some time ago and Jesper had watched in semi-silent intrigue for a long time as Kaz clearly developed feelings towards her.

Jesper knew not to push Kaz, as he’d only resist and possibly push y/n away as a result.

So until yesterday, he’d said nothing.

However, a heist had gone wrong the day before yesterday in which Jesper couldn’t help but notice the regret in Kaz’s eyes when he thought the three of them wouldn’t make it out.

It was not just the typical angry regret he’d have after a mission went wrong.

But instead, Jesper noticed Kaz’s eyes were frozen on y/n as she rested against the wall, accepting her fate.

In his eyes was a look of regret and guilt for getting her into this position, but also this burning regret and sense of longing.

The look told Jesper if Kaz were anyone else, he’d have asked y/n out ages ago.

So, Jesper of course made it his mission to get Kaz to act on it now that all three made it out fine.

As a result, yesterday and today Jesper had shown up to Kaz’s office to try and convince him to do so.

Yesterday hadn’t gone so well when Jesper was blunt about it.

Therefore Jesper tried something new today.

——

As expected, when Jesper plopped into y/N’s seat, he received a harsh glare from Kaz.

The same one that the other crows had earned when trying to sit there.

In fact, they’d received those looks for sitting there even before y/n was a crow.

Which is why it was shocking to them all when y/n unknowingly sat in that chair and while Kaz paused briefly, he didn’t glare or say anything.

He didn’t like people being that close, but y/n didn’t seem to bother him.

Jesper remembered poor Nina assuming the change meant that anyone could now sit there.

Oh how very wrong she was, and she learned that very quickly.

Y/n never seemed to notice, instead mumbling occasionally about how soft the chair was and that she was surprised they’d left the nice chair for her.

To be honest, if Jesper thought about it, he missed that sign and he just now realized Kaz had switched the chairs.

He must’ve done it after he first allowed her to sit there.

It wasn’t that the old chair was uncomfortable, but the one he had here was similar but much softer, newer.

He hadn’t realized it then, but as he sat here now it was clear.

Kaz had switched chairs so y/n was more comfortable and would want to sit in that chair and not the others.

It took all his strength to not smirk at further proof of Kaz’s infatuation.

As Jesper ignored Kaz’s glare, Kaz sighed and loudly set his pen on the desk, “do not even try. Move, now”.

Jesper bit his lip nervously, “if I move, will you talk to me?”.

“We are talking now, are we not? If you move, I will not call Rotty to drag you out by your toes” Kaz offered.

Jesper gulped and stood up, dejectedly sitting in one of the other chairs.

“Why won’t you tell her?” Jesper prodded.

“Tell who what?” Kaz asked, resuming his work.

“Y/n, how you feel” Jesper whined, annoyed to be having the same conversation from yesterday.

“And how do I feel, Jesper?” Kaz asked, secretly hoping the sharpshooter who was experienced in this area could offer clarity for him.

Of course Kaz knew something was different in the way he saw her, treated her, felt towards her, etc.

But he couldn’t figure out why.

Well more like he wouldn’t accept the why.

He needed another explanation, one he hoped Jesper would find.

Jesper was surprised Kaz wasn’t as reserved as yesterday.

Yesterday Kaz had sent Jesper out of his room within minutes, arguing Jesper was delusional.

It wasn’t much better today, but it was progress.

“You love her” Jesper stated, staring at Kaz as if it were obvious.

“I don’t love anyone or anything” Kaz argued, “love only causes more pain and danger”.

The last part was mumbled under his breath but Jesper heard.

“But it’s worth it” Jesper argued.

“At what cost?” Kaz growled.

“What? What do you mean?” Jesper asked.

“At what cost? Hmm? Let’s say your delusional theory was correct, all confessing would do is put both of us in danger” Kaz told him.

Understanding Jesper needed more clarification himself, Kaz continued, “Rollins or someone else could use her against us -against me- I won’t put her in that situation…. Even if your theory were probable, which it’s not”.

“Life in the barrel is risky Kaz, while it’s sweet you’re worried for her” Jesper smirked, “one, you know damn well she can handle herself. And two, if Rollins or anyone else knew how you feel, yes it could be used against you. But they could use a lot of things against you, whether you admit it or not “.

Jesper thought of how angry Kaz would get if someone tried to harm the other crows, his touch aversion (people still speculated it has to do with all kinds of crazy ideas other than the fact he simply seemed to not be able to touch people), his need to handle Rollins himself (Kaz nearly lost it when another crew accidentally burned part of Rollins’s estate during a fight), etc.

He understood y/n could be a bigger one, but he also wanted Kaz to know how ignorant he was being towards one related concept.

“Not to mention…” Jesper said, taking a deep breath.

“Yet, I assume you are” Kaz remarked, steppling his fingers.

Jesper rolled his eyes and continued, “I assumed your inflated ego would make this obvious to you, but clearly not”.

Kaz glared at him, resisting the flushing feeling in his cheeks as he questioned if his ego was truly inflamed.

Reminding himself that even if it were, it’s what kept him alive, he prevented his cheeks from becoming red as he tapped his fingers together while glaring at Jesper.

“Are you so daft as to think anyone in the barrel or Ketterdam would be brave enough to try and steal from you?” Jesper asked.

“Kaz we sleep in a building practically filled with Kruge and no one batts an eye” Jesper laughed.

“If they were afraid of how Inej’s attacker lost an eye and was tossed overboard, they’d be petrified to even think of what would happen would someone touch y/n” Jesper said, shivering, “Saints, I don’t want to know myself”

“Not the time for dramatics Jesper” Kaz scolded, tidying up his desk to have something else to focus on.

“I wasn’t. It doesn’t sound like a typical Kaz thing to get into a relationship, let alone announce it, but it could work” Jesper debated.

Kaz knew Jesper was right, that wouldn’t be a typical Kaz thing.

But as much as he resisted thinking about what y/n deserved and what he wanted for her (while simultaneously ignoring the nagging question his mind asked his heart regarding why he was even thinking this to start with; not wanting to know the answer), he knew he wanted more than a typical Kaz thing or relationship for her.

Was this a way to do that?

Did he want that?

Kaz fought so hard for so long he didn’t even know what he, Kaz Brekker nor Kaz Rietveld, wanted.

He knew he longed for things.

Things like being able to enjoy physical contact, or saints, he’d settle for not getting violently sick during it.

Things like making y/n laugh or smile. She often would, but he longed to be the reason.

Noticing where his thoughts were headed, Kaz refocused on his current setting.

But one question kept bashing him, did he want y/n romantically?

“Ooh I stumped the bastard of the barrel?!” Jesper grinned.

“No. I am merely thinking. Why do you assume there’s anything more than a professional work partnership between y/n and I?” Kaz asked.

"If only your biceps were as think as your skull" Jesper mumbled, snickering.

Kaz’s eyes darkened as he glared at Jesper.

“Okay, okay. Kaz I’m not going to try and convince you. That’s not my place “ Jesper said, standing up, pleased Kaz was at least semi-cooperative today.

“Yet here you are” Kaz pointed out.

Jesper hummed, “yes well, I thought I was only needing to push you to act. I didn’t consider you hadn’t figured out your feelings yet”.

Kaz tightened his jaw and remained silent, unsure what to say.

Kaz knew he was acting unusual, but this was not an area in which he did well.

Conversations to begin with were difficult for him unless it had to do with business or lying.

And even if he accepted the notion that Jesper was something like a friend, Kaz struggled to be cordial.

Especially given the topic they’d been discussing.

It felt wrong to talk about y/n behind her back, good or bad.

It actually felt wrong to talk about her at all, he wasn’t sure he had the right to.

He’d shown no appreciation towards her nor even thanked her for the kind actions she would do for him and the crows.

Yet he felt a tug in his mind as if there was a desperate desire to continue talking about her.

Usually he satisfied that by letting his brain cycle his confusing and conflicting thoughts rather than talk to anyone about it.

Hence why this particular conversation was so challenging for him.

“So there’s nothing. If you knew, you would say as much. That tells me -“ Kaz complained.

“There’s not nothing Kaz. Not even close. But I’m not going to tell you. You’ll either stop doing it, act differently towards her, or otherwise not listen to yourself “ Jesper defended, walking to the door.

“Since you don’t trust anyone but yourself, trust yourself enough to look at this without so much animosity and fear” Jesper muttered, opening the door.

“I don’t fear” Kaz growled making Jesper laugh and walk away, closing the door behind him.

Kaz groaned, the conversation produced some help but not the way he’d hoped.

He wanted Jesper to just say outright what Kaz felt, as impractical as that is.

He didn’t want to have to face his demons, trauma, or answer the questions in his mind.

But if Jesper was right that y/n and Kaz being … well whatever Kaz could offer to be for her…, wouldn’t significantly increase her chance of harm… he was intrigued.

He knew he had felt some weird pull towards y/n but he didn’t want to risk confusing or hurting her if he’d misread it.

Kaz didn’t have many people he considered friends.

He needed to make sure these feelings he had weren’t just those of two close friends before he could decide how he felt and if he should act.

Therefore, as reluctant as he was, he began spending small amounts of time out of his office during times he normally wouldn’t.

It had been a few weeks and he was pleased by the conversations he’d had with her.

Albeit in small and usually unimportant settings, he found he enjoyed her company.

However, he still couldn’t understand if it was friendly or romantic.

——

As Kaz walked past y/n’s door, heading to yell at Jesper -Kaz having just been informed Jesper had exceeded his credit at another gambling den that night-, he stopped.

Kaz quietly stood as he listened to the sound of low music playing.

He couldn’t explain why but even as his interest peaked at the sound, he also felt some of his standard tension in his shoulders loosen slightly.

He waited for a pause in the music before knocking.

“Come in!” Y/n’s voice called through the door.

Kaz opened her door, stepping in as his eyes scanned the room.

He’d been in her room only a handful of times since she became a crow.

It looked nearly the same as he remembered it being the last time he was there.

The only difference was the scattered pieces of paper, with what seemed like music notes on them, and a guitar resting next to her bed.

“Oh, hey Kaz!” Y/n said, her tone displayed her surprise but she added, “I thought you were Jesper”.

Kaz found himself biting his bottom lip on the inside at the idea she’d been so excited for Jesper to come in.

Was he jealous of their friendship?

Or was the jealous that she might like Jesper as more than a friend?

“Jesper will likely be hiding all night” Kaz told her, standing awkwardly stiff by the door.

“Uh oh, what did he do this time?” Y/n laughed.

Kaz felt the muscles in his cheeks strain as if his lips wanted to curl upwards, “the usual”.

Y/n nodded slowly, “okay. What’s up Kaz?”

“I heard music” He said simply, shifting to stretch his leg.

Y/n smiled and blushed, “oh, was it too loud?”

Kaz shook his head once, “no… it sounded good”.

Y/n blushed darker, “did you want to come sit?”.

Kaz nodded slowly, limping towards her.

Instead of sitting in the only chair in her room, he opted for the floor next to her.

He carefully avoided the scattered music sheets around them and sat down and watched her.

“I didn’t know you played any instruments” he said, his voice quieter than normal but still as firm.

“Yeah… I can play guitar and piano” she whispered.

“I have never heard you play before” Kaz said.

Y/n nodded and while he was clearly only making statements and not asking questions, she knew him well enough by now that she knew better.

He never wanted to seem like he needed anything from people, even answers to questions he had.

“I don’t really play around people, I mostly do it because… well I find music to be really healing” she mumbles.

Kaz is silent but his eyes aren’t quite as intense, and she can see what might be a glimmer of genuine interest in them.

“It helps to get the words and thoughts out of my head and do something with them. And even just hearing it, especially when I can relate to the words or there’s calming notes helps too” she rambled.

Kaz nodded his head a couple times, “you don’t play then, you create”.

She looked away flustered, “I try to yeah”.

“Can I hear one?” He asked, shocking her a bit.

Not only did he actually pose it as a question and not a statement or demand, he actually wanted to hear her.

While she was nervous, she knew moments like this with Kaz wouldn’t happen often and that she should take advantage while she could.

“One of mine or a general one? I have some from the Little Palace, or Inej stole one from -“ y/n said and Kaz noticed she was going to keep going until he answered.

Which was fine, he already had his response, “one of yours”.

She nodded and bit her lip, “lyrics or instrumental?”.

Kaz felt his eyes scan over her body language as she asked to see if she was trying to hint towards which she was more comfortable with.

“The full thing” Kaz said, trying to make his voice not as demanding.

She seemed to notice and smiled at him, which triggered this weird feeling in his chest.

He made a mental note to return to that experience later when he was alone and could process it more, after all, one doesn’t normally experience that feeling toward a friend right?

Y/n nodded and Kaz watched as she seemingly searched for a particular sheet.

She took a deep breath and grabbed for her guitar, pleading with her hands to stop trembling with nerves.

It was rare for anyone to hear her play, let alone in private, in her bedroom, at night, with such focus and curiosity, and that person being Kaz made it much more surreal.

“You’re uncomfortable” Kaz said suddenly, “you are not required to do this”.

She shook her head, giving him a thankful smile, “I’m just nervous, you’ve never heard me before. That’s all”.

“I only want you to do this if you’re okay with it” Kaz said, his voice tense but quiet.

“I’m okay with it, but thank you” she nodded, “okay, so this one is about… you know what, you decide. Maybe music can help you too”.

“Because I need to be fixed” he said, hating that his tone came off harsh; he wasn’t mad at her.

Upon noticing that he said it as a fact and not a question, y/n quickly shook her head.

“We all have our struggles, histories, and traumas. No one needs to be fixed, just to feel heard, understood, and not alone. I try to write so it fits my experiences but could also hopefully help others who dealt with similar “ She explained.

“I’m not trying to fix you Kaz. You don’t need to be fixed, and I understand not wanting to share. I usually don’t either, music is my outlet for that so it doesn’t stay in and I don’t feel so isolated“ She told him, glancing at the sheet in her hand.

“Pretend as you might, or maybe you truly believe it, you don’t need to change nor do you need to be alone during hard times” She sighed .

“The lyrics may or may not resonate with you, but the instrumental aspect for this song is soft, open, and calming so I’m hoping at the least, it’ll help your insomnia” She grinned, “can’t hurt right?”

Kaz smirked and nodded in agreement, knowing if the song was anything like that of which he heard through the door moments ago, she might actually accomplish her goal.

As she strummed her guitar to the song, Kaz watched her delicate fingers slide along the strings, changing positions as the notes changed.

While his eyes were alert with deep focus, trying to absorb every detail, he could feel his body more.

He often ignored any pain or stiffness he experienced on a daily basis, only the worst of the worst with his leg ever went routinely noticed unless he aggressively focused on it.

So while it wasn’t an instant relaxation, the tone allowed him to feel more connected with his own body and surroundings.

After a few moments of only instrumental music, she began to sing, making Kaz’s bottom jaw loosen; not quite drop as he didn’t think he’d ever done (nor ever would do) that, but still shifted in response to her.

As she closed her eyes, getting into the song more and becoming more comfortable performing for him, Kaz made it his mission to focus on the lyrics and hopefully understand their meaning.

“I've been having a hard time adjusting

I had the shiniest wheels, now they're rusting

I didn't know if you'd care if I came back

I have a lot of regrets about that”

Kaz shut his eyes as he focused on the words she sang and soothing strums of her guitar.

He wasn’t sure who she was singing about or who the song was written for, but oddly enough he made his own connection to it.

When Jordie got sick and later died, Kaz went from feeling like he was on top of the world to feeling like he was swallowed whole by it.

“Pulled the [ride] off the road to the lookout

Could've followed my fears all the way down

And maybe I don't quite know what to say

But I'm here in your doorway”

He still wasn’t sure who this was directed to, but he very desperately wanted to know.

He couldn’t imagine the girl before him, who was exposing her heart through these lyrics, to ever feel that way.

To feel fearful, doomed, and uncertain.

They were sensations Kaz knew far too well, which only made him desire to erase her experiences with them.

While he felt his body start to tense as he envisioned her feeling this way, the next verse halted that.

“I wanted you to know

That this is me trying

I just wanted you to know

That this is me trying”

Suddenly Kaz was thrown back to memories of two very different situations.

The first that came to mind, as it often did when thinking of his past, was that of him trying to survive after the death of his brother.

He’d been only a child at the time, still sick from his own recent infection, and having just lost Jordie; not to mention what he did/endured in his traumatic trip back from where their bodies were discarded.

Yet, Ketterdam took pity on no one and he had to fight for his survival, alone; often in ways that made him physically sick and full of self-hatred at first.

He recalled having to give up his morals and the only thought he could hear his brain tell himself at the time was that he was simply trying to survive.

All of those horrid things he did, and has done since, were him trying.

Initially trying to survive, then trying to get revenge for his brother.

It felt perplexing to him that despite these intense recollections, his breathing stayed steady as she strummed her guitar.

Perhaps it was because her lyrics made him feel heard, as if he had confessed to her that while a part of him -the small remainders of Kaz Rietveld- hated what he had done, he always justified it as necessary.

Her lyrics seemed to imply that she understood how certain actions may not be ideal or may even come across as confusing or unacceptable to others while truly being a means of one’s trying.

The other vision that came to mind expressed similar sentiments to the meaning of her lyrics but a very contrasted memory to that of his survival.

In fact, it was almost as if the first vision was to be looked at as an explanation for the second one.

The second recollection this verse caused took him back to times in which he’d made attempts to show he cared.

Most of the time, the motivation/emotion being his actions in these circumstances went unnoticed.

So much so that by the time y/n had joined his crows, he’d long since deemed it futile.

He never wanted to show vulnerability or weakness as is, so when he’d cautiously attempt to do so and it was taken wrong or disregarded he felt worse than doing nothing.

That was until y/n entered the slat and his life.

He recalled standing outside of her door after a heist that was hard on her.

Kaz didn’t understand then, nor now, what it was that made that particular night harder for her than the others.

And while he felt like an enormous fool, he went to her door to help.

But he couldn’t get himself to knock, unsure what he had to offer her.

He couldn’t hold or touch y/n to console her, he was never good with words, and he has tried to avoid knowing her better to not get attached.

He did not know how long he’d been standing outside y/n’s door pointlessly before Inej caught him.

Inej noticed he didn’t even seem to sense her presence that night, evidently too focused on staring at y/n’s door.

“Just talk to her” Inej suggested, stepping out of the shadows in the hall.

“You know I cannot do that” he snapped, his jaw set.

“Then don’t. Just let her talk” She rebutted.

Kaz pondered that thought and accepted it as something he could do.

One Kaz nodded, Inej smiled to herself and quietly left him in the hall.

That night, when he finally did knock, he, like the lyrics she sang expressed, didn’t know what to say; not even to explain why he was there.

When y/n answered, Kaz noticed her ragged breathing and red eyes as if she’d been crying.

He despised the feeling of guilt he felt for not knocking earlier; he wouldn’t have responded that way to others, so why did he feel that way?

At the same time, he wasn’t sure his body could handle seeing her cry.

Just the mere presence of her bloodshot eyes and dried trails of tears on her cheeks made him grit his teeth to keep his mouth from contorting into a frown.

At the time, Y/n wasn’t sure if it was her exhaustion from the heist and her breakdown, or his presence alone, but seeing him at her door suddenly made her sleepy.

She later realized it was him, somehow he made her feel safer and more calm, almost at peace and invincible.

Y/n wiped her eyes and cheeks, looking anywhere but his face, “hi Kaz. Sorry, I’m a mess. Did I forget something?”

Kaz shook his head, “I’m not here for the mission”.

She squinted at him but let him in, stepping to the side so he had more room to get through the doorway.

“M-make yourself at home” y/n said, her voice horse, “I just need to…”.

Kaz stood wordlessly as his eyes bored into her’s as if they could confess everything to him.

Y/n forced a strangled laugh, “to clean myself up so I’m not such a mess, I’ll be back”.

“You’re not a mess” Kaz said, his voice flat but sincere.

Y/n brought her arms to her chest, her body swaying side to side, “th.. thanks Kaz. I’m going to splash some water on my face, do you need anything?”

Kaz shook his head, pressing on his cane for support.

When she reappeared from the bathroom, Kaz noticed the dewy texture on her skin from the water but overall she looked better.

They sat in front of each other, neither daring to say anything.

It was only once Kaz noticed the decreased time between her breaths, her fingers twitching in her lap, and the distant look on her eyes that he spoke.

“I will listen, if you care to share” he said, hoping it came across as comforting even if his voice sounded robotic.

“I’m not good at talking. I’m sorry… I just…” she mumbled, a quivering voice and lower lip.

“Do not ever apologise until you have something to apologise for. This is not that” Kaz told her, resting his hands on his knees, “we can sit in silence”.

“It’s not that I don’t want to talk to you Kaz. I just can’t talk about tonight…” she weakly said, looking away from his eyes.

“So talk. I don’t care about what” Kaz assured with a calloused voice.

“Not that I don’t like it, but why are you doing this?” Y/n inquired.

“I… hate seeing you like this” Kaz confessed, wanting to immediately bury himself alive.

Y/n smiled softly and covered her face with her hands, looking away shyly, “oh, well thank you”.

Kaz nodded, “ I will not ask you to talk about whatever happened to you, not unless you want to… or you’re physically hurt currently,… just talk to me”.

They did talk they night, both of them.

Yes, it was mostly y/n as was to be expected, but Kaz joined in more than he anticipated.

Neither revealed anything major, but both seemed to find comfort in simply talking about nothing.

That wasn’t the only night Kaz had tried to show her he cared even if he was a miserable novice at it.

Other times he’d have someone bring him tea, but upon leaving he’d set it by her door; he knew she’d hear the tapping of his cane but would wait to see if he’d knock and ask to enter or not.

He often found his heart wishing he would do so, but his brain shut that nonsense down.

As a result, leaving cups of tea or a book she’d mentioned during one of their talks, making Inej alert him if she had skipped dinner, and greeting her arrival with a tender nod was the best he could offer.

He knew it wasn’t enough and that his inability to knock some nights likely made her remember how reserved he was and see him as distancing himself.

Which, in some way he was.

Dirtyhands despised even these small tries, seeing them as a futile weakness and vulnerability; making him not be able to make bigger attempts.

Whereas the side of Kaz that still listened to his heart -the part that managed to not be wrecked by the plague and Jordie’s death- drove him to try, even if he had to fight his instincts to do so.

——

“They told me all of my cages were mental

So I got wasted like all my potential”

Kaz opened his eyes, head hanging lower from the unconscious relaxation in his shoulders and neck.

He hated that he worried about it, but did she feel she was wasting her time and potential here?

It would be understandable, but still not something he wanted to have be true.

If not, when did she feel this way and who caused it?

He knew she had been overworked and manipulated as a child, perhaps that was it?

Or was he just trying to come up with something so he wouldn’t feel guilty?

“And my words shoot to kill when I'm mad

I have a lot of regrets about that”

Kaz relaxed more upon realizing she wasn’t singing about anything recent.

He knew because in all his time of knowing her, even when riled up or hurt she’d never snapped at anyone.

His inspection of y/N’s non-verbal cues informed him that she was genuinely regretful about that alleged past response.

That must be why she was more reserved than the other crows.

Kaz recalled moments he wanted to stand up to others in her defense when she tried to appear unbothered.

He never knew why, but now he did.

It was ironic to him that they both responded the same way -through harsh words- but unlike how he used it as a weapon of defense, she’d tried to stop by not saying anything during those moments.

But again, he felt heard and as if someone understood him and his natural responses, even if they formed bad tendencies.

“I was so ahead of the curve, the curve became a sphere

Fell behind on my classmates, and I ended up here

Pouring out my heart to a stranger

But I didn't pour the whiskey”

Kaz sighed as quietly as he could manage, not wanting to interrupt her.

He knew some of her past; he was Dirtyhands after all, and Dirtyhands wouldn’t hire someone without any basic knowledge on them.

——

So he connected the dots that this section of the song was likely referring to her always trying so hard, going above and beyond in school and her family (he recalled her taking care of family members even as a young child, something he himself had tried to do), and working so hard.

He also knew that she burnt out as a response to this and not feeling she succeeded.

Inej had told him that she kept pushing even as she left home and tried to survive alone (after not having a safe place with who was left in her family).

So it wasn’t surprising that one day her body gave up, having gotten so tired she passed out on her way to class.

That’s how in the end, she found Inej.

Y/n had been taken by some creep that day but when Inej was working on a task for Kaz, she noticed an unusual presence lurking.

Y/n had escaped, and was fearfully cowering in a dark corner around the street, trying to stay hidden as she regained some strength and energy.

Inej knew most people would not notice her, and if they did, they’d ignore her.

But she knew the look in the girl’s eyes and felt compelled to help.

Inej hid y/n from Kaz in her room that night so the girl could rest at the slat for at least that night until she found another option.

Kaz stumbled upon y/n the next morning as the girl cut down an expensive tapestry Kaz hung just to show off their success.

He watched with a smirk as the strange girl slipped the item into her dirty coat, none of his crows or dregs noticing her thievery.

Instead of calling her out, he asked Inej to tail the girl to see what the stranger did with the tapestry , curious to her motivation.

If he knew her motivation, he had a chance to convince her to work for him as a dreg.

He already saw her potential, even if she wasn’t the quickest or most confident person to try to steal from him.

Her cut at the top of the tapestry was unbelievably straight and as close to the seam as possible, maximizing the resale value.

And the fact he’d been the only one to see her doing this was irritatingly impressive.

Inej told him what y/n confessed to her the night before when she took her to the crow club to ensure the girl wasn’t part a trap.

She told him she knew the girl would be selling the stolen item to support herself and whatever her next step was.

It wasn’t too long until Inej brought the girl back, Kaz letting her keep the tapestry, and offered her a job as a dreg to keep supporting herself.

However, there was a look of terror in her eyes and she declined his offer upon finding out all his Dregs had been tattooed to identity their loyalty.

Kaz pushed the offer again, being sure to note she would not be forced to bear the tattoo the rest did.

Inej was the only other one who had that waiver.

He wasn’t sure if she experienced the same thing as Inej or not, but he would not let a tattoo get in the way of gang benefiting from her skills, nor would he be the reason for that look of fear in her eyes to return.

It wasn’t too long after she accepted that Kaz promoted her to a crow, the rest being history.

——

Kaz closed his eyes again as she sang the chorus and he concluded she interpreted the whole ordeal, opening up to Inej, her refusing to drink away the night after a failed attempt the way the others did, and they way she would retreat to her room instead of arguing or defending herself, was all her trying her best.

All while she felt it wasn’t enough.

Kaz felt that deep in his bones, something he couldn’t help but understand and connect to.

——

“It was kind of you to share that” Kaz declared upon the end of her song, and to y/n, his breathy tone displayed what he actually meant.

“You’re welcome Kaz” she responded, watching as he nodded that her assumption was correct.

“I hope it helps” she shrugged, setting the guitar down.

“It did” he admitted, his voice more stable but almost calm.

Y/n grinned as she scanned him and found his muscles weren’t as stiff, his back actually arched ever so slightly; he was relaxing, because of her music.

——

Since that night, Kaz attempted more often to connect more.

After a few days he finally accepted that maybe she’d been right about music being healing; or maybe it was just her, or both.

Either way, she helped him without expecting anything in response, and she made herself vulnerable to do so.

He knew he should try to reciprocate even if it went against his instincts and he knew he’d likely fail.

Kaz didn’t push her to sing more for him, knowing it was a special, vulnerable, and purposeful activity for her.

Instead, he wrote her a letter, continuing their conversation from that night, and slid it under her door.

She returned the action and over the next several weeks, the conversation turned more sincere and personal.

Kaz nearly stopped abruptly, Dirtyhands wanting to take over, but by recalling the bright smile on her face the first time he opened up to her in the letter -even if it was in the most minuscule of ways-, he pushed through.

It wasn’t comfortable, for either of them, as it was unusual to instill that trust in someone.

But they tried, for the other.

Of course, neither one said this nor told the others, but it continued in private for a long time.

He knew it would not seem like a big step or display on his end, but it was for him.

Yet, as hesitant as he was, he soon found that watching the ink sprawl over the paper as it formed words and thoughts he felt he couldn’t say aloud.

Kaz also found himself anticipating her response, sometimes looking up from his desk at the faintest noise in hopes the sounds originated from her letter sliding under his door.

He wasn’t sure why she went along with it, especially without question or any verbalized acknowledgment to their routine between them.

But he was pleased she did.

——

One night, Kaz stood upon seeing her handwriting on the envelope slipping across his floor.

He opened it and read it over, making his usual annotations on it and notes of what he wanted to say back.

However, his hand froze and his chin twitched as his facial muscles resisted a pleased grin.

At the bottom of her letter, she added an offer to show him some of a song she’d been working on.

He was more than pleased to have the chance to hear more of her creations, especially without having to ask for it.

Kaz stood and grabbed his cane, heading for the door when he noticed a small shadow in the gap under the door.

He smirked, settling back into his seat, “Come in”.

Y/n sauntered in, a guitar in one hand and a sheepish look on her face as she sucked her lips in between her top and bottom teeth.

“You had a proposition” Kaz said, raising an eyebrow at her.

She blushed and nodded quickly, “I’m not done with it… but I wanted to share what I do have”.

“I have no objection but I am intrigued as to the sudden offer” Kaz said, his best attempt at telling her he was wanting to hear it but didn’t understand why she wanted him to.

“Well, I think it’ll explain that too “ She mumbled, biting her thumb’s nail.

Kaz tried to offer a smile but he had a feeling it looked more like a grimace.

However, y/n seemed to understand what he was trying to do.

She nodded and began to play the song for him, surprising him by the way she kept eye contact with him.

Her discomfort with keeping this connection to him was clear to Kaz.

But he watched as she fought through that and still found a way to express her sentiments through her tone as she sang.

Kaz could tell this was important to her, that she clearly wanted him to hear this song.

Unlike last time, he couldn’t always see himself in this song.

He was in no way innocent.

He of course connected to the opening verse and the angst associated with it, having experienced similar.

But the fact anyone could see him as innocent was inconceivable to him.

“Did some things you can't speak of

But at night you live it all again

You wouldn't be shattered on the floor now

If only you had seen what you know now then”

Kaz’s tight lips dropped, parting his mouth.

Realization hit him that this song was for him, about him.

He felt what could only be perceived as honor deep inside him that she’d taken the time to write him a song.

But the notion of being innocent, or her looking at him that way, felt wrong.

She stared at him anxiously, clearly unsure how he’d respond to her song.

Kaz took a deep breath, hoping he wouldn’t let his fear and confusion come across aggressively.

“You find me to be innocent” he said, meaning to ask it instead but his sharp tongue not cooperating with his heart.

She sighed, expecting this response.

“I know what you’re going to say Kaz. I’m not saying this in the traditional sense” she confessed, folding her hands in her lap.

“None of us are innocent. Maybe those in Ravka think they are, but they’re indirectly surviving only due the struggle of the rest of the kingdom and they know it“ y/n argued, pursing her lips.

“The difference to me is the reason why someone does they do” she admitted.

“Revenge is not an innocent motive” Kaz remarked darkly, cringing as he heard himself.

“Depends on who you ask Kaz. Revenge is driven by love and care you have for someone” y/n pointed out, popping her knuckles nervously.

Kaz swallowed thickly, leaving a moment of silence between them as he tried to not lash out.

He wasn’t mad at her, but he didn’t like the idea that she didn’t see the real him.

“For some. Not me. Revenge is getting even” he challenged flatly.

“Getting even for what?” She asked, raising an eyebrow at him.

Kaz shut down, snapping his head to her stare.

“I am not disclosing that. You cannot sing a song and expect my secrets in exchange. I do not owe you that “ Kaz barked harshly.

Y/n shook her head but held her ground, “I’m not asking you to Kaz. For Saint’s sake, I never expected anything in return. I thought you knew that Brekker!”

Kaz squeezed his eyes shut, clenching his jaw as he tried to form a way to undo what he did.

“I never said you owed me anything. I will be transparent, I thought we’d gotten to a place of minimal but nonetheless mutual trust” She signed, “but that never meant I expected to know your hidden past, traumas, or other secrets. For all the good that is Ghenzen, I merely was asking you what revenge was for in a general sense, Brekker. Not revenge against Rollins, or anyone particular. But rather, what drives one to seek revenge.”

Kaz’s eyes pressed together more firmly, his guilt and remorse only rising.

Taking it as a sign she should leave, y/n stood up and grabbed her guitar wordlessly.

“Don’t leave” Kaz croaked.

“What?” Y/n whispered, her voice quavering.

Kaz opened his eyes and y/n could see the pain in them, “please”.

She nodded slowly, settling back down where saw was before.

“That outburst should have proved my point” Kaz muttered, a husky sigh following.

She shook her head, making Kaz continue.

“You, y/n, are innocent, not me. You go out of your way for everyone. For me, even though I’ve done nothing to deserve it. You have made me feel better in ways I am incapable of explaining, and less aggressive … and you know how much of an ass I can be” He confessed.

“But, I’m still the same me I was. Clearly” he argued, waving his hand as if alluding to the tense scene moments before, “I’m still the same cruel and selfish person I always have been. You must realize this by now”.

“That you think you’re not innocent? No, it shows how you view yourself. You don’t get to decide how others see you “ y/n corrects.

“Which is?” Kaz asked, raising an eyebrow at her.

“Did you not listen to the song Kaz?” She groaned, but found herself smirking.

“I did” he nodded once, “but you must know you’re mistaken”.

She rolled her eyes, “You’re not going to convince me of that”.

“No?” He asked, something dark flickering in his eyes as he leaned on his desk.

Y/n watched as Kaz blurted out his past experiences, one after the other.

She listened intently as he tried to push her away by telling her detailed horrors.

Each time she could see the way his body would react to the trauma while his brain and mouth pushed through to list the next one.

After she learned about Jordie and Kaz needing to use his brother’s corpse to survive, she realized just how correct she was; he wasn’t cruel, he too was traumatized and trying to survive.

She saw his chest start heaving as his words started slurring together when he tried to move to whatever the next point was.

“Kaz, seriously, enough” She said softly.

“You still don’t get it?!” He snapped, his voice rough but cracking at the end.

“I used my brother’s body-“ he said, his eyes glassy and staring into the distance as his forehead started to sweat.

Y/n regretted coming here tonight.

Not because she didn’t want to see him or share the song, nor because she didn’t want to hear his stories.

But she hadn’t expected any of it and while she was pleased he was comfortable disclosing it, even aggressively, she didn’t want to make him panic.

“Kaz, please, you’re not going to change my mind, and right now you need to focus on breathing” She frowned, cautious to not get closer especially now that she understood the reason for his touch aversion.

He gripped the table as his shoulders trembled and he began gasping for air.

“Kaz, you’re okay” She began, “You’re alive, you’re safe. You’re not back there. I know it feels like that, I do. But you’re not”.

Kaz forced a shaky nod as he tried to utilize his coping skills.

“That’s it, just listen to my voice. Alright? Because right now, I’m here. You’re not alone Kaz… you never were. I’ll always be here” She promised tenderly, “even if you try to push me away, I’m not leaving. I know you Kaz, the real you, like it or not”.

It took several more minutes for Kaz to compose himself, nodding a thank you to y/n as she slid a washcloth over the table to him for his head.

She could see the embarrassment and exhaustion on his face.

“I didn’t mean to trigger all of this for you” y/n said and relaxed as Kaz nodded that he knew.

She sighed, “even if it had been an attempt to push me away, I’m honored you told me. You can always tell me anything. No matter how much you try to scare me off, it’s not going to work. Hate it, or me, if you must. But-“

“I do not hate you, or you trying” Kaz interrupted.

Y/n nodded and gave him a soft smile.

“I did try to push you away. As I said, I’m not good at this. I’ve never told anyone about him. It… feels wrong to keep him hidden “ he groaned, rubbing his hand down his face, “but I cannot form the right words for it or him”.

Y/n nodded along, staying quiet so he could elaborate if he wanted.

“Not that I want anyone else knowing what happened” he clarified, “or what I did”.

“But you want to get it off your chest and try to tell the positive experiences and feelings before it happened?” Y/n suggested, watching him struggle to explain himself.

Kaz nodded, lifting the corner of his mouth up to thank her for helping.

“I can try to help. It’ll stay between us of course. But maybe it’ll help” She offered.

Kaz looked at her notepad, “a song for…?”

She nodded slowly, “if you want. There’s no right or wrong choice “.

Y/n waited patiently as Kaz stared into space for awhile.

“Okay” his voice so low and show that she nearly missed it, “but I don’t know how long it will take to discuss those things”.

——

It had in fact, taken months, for Kaz to open up and share details of what he and his brother did before Rollins’s betrayal, before the plague, and before Jordie’s death.

It wasn’t a romantic experience to share these intimate moments with y/n but Kaz had earlier concluded he did in fact have those feelings towards her.

That only complicated the matter as he tried to push the feelings away and ignore them without doing that to her directly.

However, he found himself actually enjoying telling her these softer, more innocent, moments of his past.

He wasn’t sure if this was him trying to be more open for her or him trying to impress her with who he used to be and maybe one day could be again.

He wasn’t even sure if he believed it to be possible.

But if that’s what she wanted, he’d at least try.

During these several months, they continued with their letters, talking about other topics and routine conversation.

Kaz also allowed y/n to become a coping option for him.

It wasn’t easy and he still often questioned himself when doing so, but it was progress.

He had a handful of panic attacks as his mind would jump forward to the scene of Jordie’s death when trying to retell earlier stories but recalling why those things stopped happening.

However, each time, y/n had been there and he realized she helped lower the crashing tides in his chest threatening to drown him.

She probably didn’t even realize she was doing this as he couldn’t admit he needed her in any way.

But he appreciated it nonetheless.

——

Y/n came to his room one night, knocking and entering after.

Kaz looked up, his gaze a bit softer than it was months ago.

“I… ummm… is today a good day?” She asked.

Kaz nodded, “I can try, do you need something?”

She shook her head, realizing he thought this was about his touch aversion he’d been trying to work on lately.

“No, Kaz. I’m okay, but thank you” She smiled, seeing the hesitation in his eyes he pushed through to even check let alone offer, “I just… I finished the song”.

Kaz froze in shock before he curled his lips into a barely noticeable smile as a thank you and signal for her to show him if she wanted.

She took a deep breath, sitting across from him and put all her energy and compassion into this performance.

She needed him to feel heard and understood.

“No words appear before me in the aftermath

Salt streams out my eyes and into my ears

Every single thing I touch becomes sick with sadness

'Cause it's all over now, all out to sea”

Kaz blinked glacially slow as he hung on to every word.

“Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye

You were bigger than the whole sky

You were more than just a short time

And I've got a lot to pine about

I've got a lot to live without

I'm never gonna meet

What could've been, would've been

What should've been you

What could've been, would've been you”

Kaz’s breathing shook as he felt his eyes water.

But he couldn’t, he wouldn’t, close them.

He needed to live in this moment, experience this emotion; to honor Jordie, thank y/n, and heal himself a bit.

“Did some bird flap its wings ovеr in Asia?

Did some force take you bеcause I didn't pray?

Every single thing to come has turned into ashes

'Cause it's all over, it's not meant to be

So I'll say words I don't believe”

Kaz forced himself to step closer her to read the lyrics as she sang.

He knew he could never be able to repay her for this.

She had incorporated each thought and doubt he had, as irrational as they seemed to him, or how much she persuaded him they were not correlated.

As much as it hurt and though he felt the waves beating against his ribs, he focused on her voice as she sang the chorus.

He’d heard the chorus earlier and he’d follow along more intentionally to the chorus repetition next time.

For now, he numbly walked around her to be able to see her face.

He didn’t let his eyes close for fear the waves would overtake him.

Instead, he took in the moment and y/n’s presence.

While he’d always found her presence calming, she’d worked with him over the last several months on focusing on where he was and who he was with whenever this panic would hit.

Focusing on the fact he was alive, safe, and not in water, helped him lower the depth of the water when it would attempt to crest and suffocate him.

When he combined that with his intense analysis of every freckle, mark, eyelash, spec of color in her irises, or other detail on her face allowed him to be able to hear her voice rather than the lapping water resting around his lower abdomen now.

By paying attention to her voice, the compassion and beauty behind it, he was able to feel more connected to her, know she was safe, and stay in the current moment.

It also allowed him to feel cared for and loved, and while he’d deny it, he craved those sensations, especially from y/n.

They helped him keep his feet on the ground and not lose his footing underneath the waves.

He stared at y/n as she lowered her guitar slowly.

She could sense he was still processing so she didn’t push to hear his thoughts on it.

“I’m right here Kaz. Okay, we’re both here in your room, by your desk. Dry, safe, warm, and healthy. You can fight this, and I’ll be by your side the whole time. The others are downstairs, likely watching Jesper make a fool of himself” y/n rambled, recalling how Kaz said her voice helped, no matter what was being discussed.

Kaz broke eye contact and looked at his lap as he finally caught his breath.

“You can stop me if a song-“ she began softly.

Kaz shook his head, forcing his gaze up to her again.

“I needed it. It helped. I promise” he said, seeing the hesitation and concern in her eyes.

She smiled and nodded, handing him the paper she was reading from, “I made you a copy of the lyrics in case you wanted it”.

Kaz fought the formation of tears, blaming it on young Kaz having taken over just moments before and not the sentiment causing the reaction, and took the paper from the place she set it on the floor.

“Y/n” he whispered, his voice gravely.

She nodded, letting him speak.

He cursed his brain for not letting him say the words he needed to.

Instead, he elected to try and engage in some small form of physical touch, needing to convey the words his mouth couldn’t but also needing warmth to keep him steady.

His bare hand shook as he reached out and let his fingertips tap her’s.

She gasped softly and smiled at him.

They’d gotten to the point that on his best days he could hold her hand or wrist in his bare hand for roughly twenty seconds.

So this was very minimal in comparison to his full capabilities but they both knew it was much harder given everything he just relived.

She nodded at him as his fingers started to shake, assuring him he could pull away.

Kaz gave her a crooked half-smile, the best he could allow himself to let another person see (in private /behind her back it was much larger).

——

“Inej” Kaz’s voice boomed, his eyes furrowed.

The Suli girl sauntered over to him and waited for him to explain why he asked for her.

“Where is y/n?” He asked as he clenched his jaw.

It was late afternoon and Kaz hadn’t heard from y/n.

It wasn’t that she owed him her presence, he’d merely gotten used to it.

So much so that his hidden grin over the thought she’d slept in for once- instead of getting up early to help another Crow as she normally did - turned into concern when he’d noticed just how late it was.

He’d went by her room moments before walking downstairs to where the others were, hoping she’d simply isolated to work on her music and lost track of time.

But as Kaz reached her door, there was only silence on the other side.

Much to Kaz’s dismay, she didn’t answer when he’d knocked.

He’d once again returned their letter to her the before, her not slipping it under his door this morning being another sign something was off.

“Oh, umm” Inej rubbed her neck nervously, “I think maybe her room”.

Kaz raised an eyebrow and shook his head, “I don’t believe so”.

He wasn’t going to explain the actual reasoning to her so he added, “it’s far too late on the day for that”.

He expected the wraith to stare at him knowingly until he either caved or she moved on; likely the latter.

However, she frowned and nodded, mumbling a quiet “yeah. I know”.

Kaz wasn’t sure if he would find her lack of stubborn inquisition to be another cause for concern about y/n’s wellbeing.

But, her vague response and body language did concern him.

“What is it?” Kaz demanded assertively, “there is something you are not saying Wraith and I expect an answer”.

Inej gave him a weak glare, her mind clearly elsewhere.

“She seemed more reserved yesterday when Jesper dragged her with him for a bit, she’d come down for water I believe, but he begged her to stay for a few rounds” Inej told him.

“She did, of course, but she seemed… off. I tried to ask “ she said noticing Kaz’s stare, “but not just because it’s my job to know, Kaz. But she simply said she was tired and wouldn’t disclose anything”.

Kaz’s grip on his cane tightened as he thought through yesterday.

He’d had business to attend to that morning, leaving without seeing her.

When he returned, their note was in his room.

He recalled everything it said, but nothing in it alerted him to whatever was going on.

Not seeing her most of the day wasn’t super unusual when one of them had something to work on that day.

But they’d usually see each other at least once for a few moments.

Yesterday, after he’d checked the logs for the club, he had went to her room.

She’d let him in and he could tell she seemed different, less optimistic.

He told her as much, in as nicely of a way as was possible for Kaz.

Y/n told him the same thing she evidently told Inej, she was tired.

Kaz sensed this was in part true, and hoped that if she should be able to catch up on sleep, whatever the other problem was would improve as well.

So he’d let her rest, retreating to his room/office for the duration of the afternoon/night, only leaning to side the note back to her.

According to Inej, Jesper kept the girl from getting as much sleep as Kaz planned for her.

However, it still seemed off to him for y/n to be this way.

“Kaz” Inej spoke, breaking Kaz from searching for more signs and details in his mind, “I’m worried. This Isn’t they first time “.

Kaz squinted accusingly at her, clearly ordering her to explain.

Inej ignored the look, knowing it was Kaz’s way of showing concern for y/n as well.

“It isn’t frequent but sometimes she gets /tired/ and shuts us out more” she began, Kaz nodding as this was news to him since he had isolated from the group for a long time to not form attachments.

“Last time I had snuck onto the windowsill of her room and while she said she was tired, she was only lying there staring at the ceiling. I didn’t what to say and I knew I shouldn’t have been there so I never mentioned it to her” Inej admitted.

“Nor to me” Kaz rasped.

“Why would I Kaz?! You never seem to care about anyone but yourself or Rollins” Inej argued.

Kaz’s jaw tightened and he nodded once for her to continue.

“She’s since shut her curtains so I can’t be certain without completely violating her space and trust, but I suspect she’s going that now as well” inej sighed.

Kaz pressed his lips together in a tight line and nodded less aggressively this time, turning to leave.

“Kaz, just take it easy with her” Inej begged.

He squeezed his eyes shut for a split second, offended by the notion he would be anything but when it came to y/n; especially in this situation.

“Wraith, if you ever catch wind of something troubling regarding y/n, I expect to be made aware of such information promptly” Kaz ordered, his tone deeply serious.

Inej nodded slowly, while she sensed Kaz’s feelings towards y/n, she hadn’t expected such a clear display of such.

Kaz sensed her apprehension and continued, “I am not asking. That is an order. I do not care what level the concern is, I will be told. If you are not capable of doing such, I -“.

“Understood Kaz, no need to threaten me” inej rolled her eyes.

“We’ll see, there better not be” Kaz muttered, departing from her.

—-

“Y/n” Kaz said, knocking on her door once again.

This time it actually opened, the girl having sensed the distress laced in his voice and worrying he was about to have an attack or something happened.

“What is it, is everything okay?” She croaked, o her head into the hallway.

Kaz looked her over, trying to first confirm she wasn’t physically injured , “ I thought I might find you here”.

She bit her lip, making Kaz see how chapped there were and how the end of her nose was red; she’d been crying.

He’d seen some redness in her eyes but no current tears so he hoped it was her tiredness only.

“Are you okay Kaz? Did something happen?” She asked quietly.

Kaz shook his head, “I am fine. Everything is fine”.

She examined him for a moment before accepting his answer.

“So… not to seem rude… but why are you here then?” She asked.

“You were not downstairs with the others and it has been awhile since anyone has seen you” Kaz stated, watching her reaction closely.

She nodded slowly, “I see. Well, thank you for checking but please, just go... I’m not the kind of person anyone needs to be around right now”.

Kaz squinted at her, his confusion clear in his eyes.

“Please. I’ll be fine, I just… No one needs to be around me currently. I’ll venture down tomorrow. Please leave “ She asked.

While he felt bad for ignoring her request, he sensed it was still the best thing for her, “I’m not going to leave, y/n. If that is what you want, You’re going to have to make me go."

She groaned, dragging her hand down her face and going back to her bed.

Kaz followed her in, closing the door behind him.

She closed her eyes and turned away from him, not wanting him to see her in this state.

Kaz took a seat in the chair next to her, waiting for her to speak, face him, or do anything.

After waiting impatiently for far longer than was normal for him, he spoke up.

“I know I may not be the most… comforting person. But if you want to talk, I’ll listen” Kaz offered.

He felt a nauseatingly sharp pain in his chest when she sniffled.

“I can’t” she whispered, “thank you but I can’t”.

Kaz pondered for a moment, “can you sing it?”.

He watched as she sat up slowly, wiping her face and taking a deep breath before nodding, “I think so”.

Kaz stood, grabbed her guitar and brought it to her before sitting back down.

She took a deep breath before she closed her eyes and began pouring her heart into the song.

“I have this thing where I get older but just never wiser

Midnights become my afternoons

When my depression works the graveyard shift

All of the people I've ghosted stand there in the room”

Kaz watched her closely, wanting to know how to help but doubting he could.

“I should not be left to my own devices

They come with prices and vices

I end up in crises

Tale as old as time”

Kaz frowned to himself as he contemplated that she’d been there for him more than he was for her.

He’d never been good at these things, but clearly she needed someone to help her so she wouldn’t get like this.

“I wake up screaming from dreaming

One day I'll watch as you're leaving

'Cause you got tired of my scheming

For the last time”

Kaz froze in realization; perhaps he understood more than he expected.

She’d been great at planning, or scheming as the other crows would call it, before she’d met Kaz.

He knew it had caused her issues before but hadn’t known that bothered her.

“It's me

Hi!

I'm the problem, it's me

At teatime

Everybody agrees

I'll stare directly at the sun but never in the mirror

It must be exhausting always rooting for the anti-hero”

Kaz sighed, wanting to be able to comfort her with a hug or even holding her hand but today wasn’t the best day for him.

Instead he listened closely until she was finished and set her guitar down.

Since he couldn’t offer her physical comfort, he opted for being as supportive as he could be.

“Why didn’t you tell me you felt this way?“ he asked quietly, his voice as deep as normal but lower in volume.

Y/n sighed and shrugged, “felt like a burden. No one knows. Inej suspects I think… but it’s hard to talk about”.

Kaz nodded twice, “but singing makes it easier”.

She nods in agreement, “yeah, it does. It helps me express it but it doesn’t change how I feel”.

After a few moments of silence Kaz sighed loudly.

“You know that…” he closed his eyes, “you know I’m not leaving right?”

“What?” Y/n asked weakly, staring at him with sad eyes.

Kaz opened his eyes and looked at her, convincing himself to keep being open with her, “Nothing you say, do, feel, or cause will make me leave” he admits.

Her lips curl slightly, “thank you Kaz. You know you don’t have to-“.

He shook his head, “you need to know. You deserve to. You were honest and open towards me, I’m working on doing that”.

She smiled tenderly, wanting to grab his hand but noticed he’d left his gloves on, “I appreciate that so much Kaz. I know it’s a lot to deal with, and I’ll be fine, I’ve dealt with it alone for awhile-“.

Kaz furrowed his eyebrows and shook his head again as she teared up, “it's alright... it's okay... you don’t have to do it alone again”.

He wanted to laugh at himself to how he sounded, how he let Kaz Rietveld come out so strongly in this moment.

However, when he saw how she seemed to relax at his words, he decided maybe letting the younger version of himself open up to comfort her wasn’t so bad after all.

“I’m here now, you are not alone” he said, the words kind and meaningful despite his gruff voice.

“You are stuck here with me. I have you and I’m not leaving. And neither are you” Kaz spoke, the current and past versions of himself fighting for dominance in his words.

Nevertheless, she smiled and sniffles softly, trying to hide it.

“Thank you Kaz, really” she said.

He nodded and offered her a half smile.

It was the best version of a smile he could offer, and while he knew his words weren’t the most comforting or romantic, he also elected to stay in her room with her that night in silence until she fell asleep.

Once her eyes closed, he expressed something he needed to say but couldn’t when she was awake, “y/n, I know you’re struggling. You must know I am grateful, you know…for everything”.

——

The next day Kaz noticed she seemed a little better.

She’d left her room by the time he went to check on her.

As he found her in the lounge with the other crows, he saw she was still more reserved than normal, but at least she wasn’t isolating.

Kaz knew it would cause rumors and debates among the others but he couldn’t help but sit down next to her.

She looked at him and nodded with a smile.

He nodded back, looking down at the newspaper on the table before him as if that was why he was there.

But the other crows knew better and they all smirked at each other as they watched y/n get more comfortable on the couch suddenly.

When the others split up for their individual errands and tasks, y/n asked if she could join Kaz in his room as he worked on the next heist; to which he quickly responded with a firm yes.

It had been at least thirty minutes since they’d entered his room and he began to work at his desk.

Yet, Kaz accomplished nothing.

He kept sneaking glances over at y/n instead of working.

While she was doing better, he could see her struggle.

“What are you thinking about?” He blurted as she once again stared into the distance instead of the book on her lap.

Her eyes snapped to him, her cheeks painted red, “oh.. um.. just”.

He could tell she was looking for a comforting lie or excuse but that’s not what he wanted.

“The truth y/n” he said firmly.

She swallowed loudly and nodded, “I just… Nina apparently had a bad day yesterday and I wasn’t there for her”.

“It is not your job to be” Kaz informed her.

“I know, but I just feel I’m not helping anyone lately” she frowned, “I feel I’m taking and not giving, you know?”

Kaz clenched his jaw and mentally groaned as he accepted his next action.

He stood up from his desk, leaning on his cane as he crossed the room to sit beside her.

“Y/n” he said, waiting until she looked up at him.

“I may not say this right… but” Kaz sighed harshly, “everything you've ever done for me... I notice. I see you and your care. I don’t deserve it but I’ve never thanked you properly before, so... thank you”.

His words were sincere and his voice cracked slightly as he forced them out of his lips reluctant to expose his feelings and make himself vulnerable.

She tilted her head as she processed what he just said, “Kaz, you don't need to thank me. You’d do the same and fix me up if I came to you, or your door with trouble, too”.

Kaz hated she knew this vulnerability but she was right and there was no way he would lie to her about it.

“If you knew that, Why didn’t you?” He asked, his tone clipped as he felt frustrated he exposed his weaknesses to her but she was still reserved.

“Why didn’t I what?” She asked, squinting at him.

“Come to me” he said simply, unwilling to explain why he wanted to know.

“I told you Kaz, I’m used to handling this alone. I’ve found most people find it burdensome so it hurts less to choose to do it alone than being abandoned and loneliness being the forced outcome” She rambled, looking away from his piercing stare.

A few moments pass before he asks firmly, “you didn't honestly expect me to let you face this alone, did you?”.

All y/n did was shrug and stare at her lap.

Kaz closed his eyes in guilt, if he’d just been honest and wanted to her, maybe she wouldn’t doubt his care to her.

Not long ago he wanted her to have no idea of his feelings to her, seeing them as a safety risk and vulnerability.

But now he felt horrible that it might have made her suffer.

“Y/n… regardless of everything I’ve said and done in the past, there isn't a single part of me that wouldn't open the door when you're knocking on it. You must know that“ he confessed, slowly setting his hand on her knee for a few seconds.

——

A few weeks had passed and y/n was doing much better.

However, when he looked up from his desk and saw her standing there staring at him, he knew something was on her mind.

He nodded silently encouraging her to talk.

“Be brutally honest Kaz, have I actually been helpful to you?” She asked.

Kaz could tell for some reason she was once again doubting how much her every act helped those around her, intentional or not.

He hated the doubtful look on her eye, prompting him to speak with Kaz Rietveld’s sentiments but on his recent experiences, “you came out of nowhere and you cut through all the noise. You stopped the waves. Do not ever doubt your helpfulness”.

——-

“Finish another song?” Kaz smirked, peering up from the map on his desk as y/n entered with her guitar strapped to her back.

She shrugged, “a few verses yes, they’re about the other day. About you not being good at showing you care in a way the others recognize”.

Kaz furrowed his eyes, setting his pen down, “I think you mistook-“.

“Shut up and listen Kaz” she laughed, sitting down on his bed.

“It is called Mastermind” y/n added, winking before she began to strum the first notes.

“If you fail to plan, you plan to fail

Strategy sets the scene for the tale

I'm the wind in our free-flowing sails

And the liquor in our cocktails “ she sang.

Kaz couldn’t argue with that part, so he leaned back in his creaky wooden chair as he listened closely.

“No one wanted to play with me as a little kid

So I've been scheming like a criminal ever since

To make them love me and make it seem effortless

Is this the first time I feel the need to confess?

And I swear, I'm only cryptic and Machiavellian 'cause I care” she sang, smirking at him.

Kaz couldn’t keep his bottom jaw from lessening in tension as it parted slightly from his upper jaw.

He’d never admitted it, even arguing with himself over it often; but she was right.

He knew he came off as harsh, strict, and uncaring but it was only because he couldn’t stand the idea of anything going wrong and being the reason someone got hurt.

Kaz knew better than to try and argue with her or lie that she’d gotten the motive behind his actions wrong.

So as she set the guitar to the side, he decided to thank her for the sentiment instead.

“Thank you” he said in his typical tense voice.

“For what?" She laughed, smiling over at him.

Kaz took a deep breath before sharing his truth, “For accepting me. All of me.".

Y/n watched him silently for a moment in shock before she sighed.

“Kaz, stop saying thank you. You being cared for isn't something that I’m rewarding you with. It is your right to have from someone who cares about you” she argued.

He shook his head, “you don’t understand… you make me want to be better."

“You don’t need to be better Kaz” she frowned, reaching for his hand and clasping it once he nodded his approval.

“We will continue to not see eye to eye on that fact, my dear y/n. But your music makes me feel like I actually can be” he confesses, his tone softening for a brief second.

——

“It should not be this way. I should have stopped it” Kaz blurted one day, crumpling the notes on his wooden table.

“What are you talking about?” Y/n asked, closing her book and looking over at him.

“Us” he whispered, staring at his desk.

“Us?” She asks weakly, uncertain where he’s going.

“Yes. We… we should not be like this” he muttered harshly.

“Like what? Kaz? What are we?“ she inquired, standing up to walk to him.

He looked away without speaking.

“Kaz. Is this you not wanting friends again?” She asked.

He gnawed on his lip, “no. Being friends is not the issue”.

“Then what is?” Y/n sighed, sitting in the chair across from him.

“Like I said, us. We are not friends. I do not know what the correct label is, but friends is not right” he rambled, hating the warmth in his cheeks.

Y/n suppressed a wide grin, bitting her inner lip to keep a straight face.

“Kaz, are you-“ she began kindly.

“I am not good at this y/n. I wish I was, but-“ he sighed, pressing against his desk in frustration.

“I understand. Here, this might help” she said, walking to the new guitar he got her last week so she’d have one in both of their rooms.

“I… well, I’m not great with confessions either Kaz. So I wrote this about my confusion, resistance or fear, and realizations…, and well…yeah, you’ll see” she rambled, blushing deeply as she looked at the wall opposite to him.

“We were supposed to be just friends

You don't live in my part of town, but maybe I'll see you out some weekend

Depending on what kind of mood and situationship I'm in

And what's in my system”

“I think there's been a glitch, oh, yeah

Five seconds later, I'm fastening myself to you with a stitch, oh, yeah

And I'm not even sorry, nights are so starry

Blood moonlit

It must be counterfeit

I think there's been a glitch, oh, yeah”

“I was supposed to sweat you out

In search of glorious happenings of happenstance on someone else's playground”

She explained she couldn’t figure out how to finish the songs hoping he’d confess his feelings.

But he simply thanked her for the song, his shock and persistent hesitation winning out over his desire to open up to her.

He felt guilty the moment he saw the disappointment on her face.

Yet, he had no chance to fix it as she faked an excuse to leave his room.

——

Since that night, he’d seen her less.

It had been a few days and he knew he messed up.

He hadn’t wanted to confess, knowing it made them both vulnerable.

But he hated that he hurt her and that she’d since shut him out.

She was still helping him when she saw he needed it.

But she was no longer letting him in when she needed help.

He saw it happening but did not know how to stop it.

After all, he’d been the cause of it this time.

——-

Kaz scribbled his signature on the piece of paper he’d been working on for the last few hours.

He took a deep breath and walked to her room, ignoring the pain in his knee as he bent to slide it under her door.

Kaz waited until he heard her open the letter before he walked to his room, hoping she’d respond soon.

——-

Kaz had given up his glimmer of hope that the letter helped in any way.

He still couldn’t express himself well, even on paper.

But he’d hoped he had gotten his point across.

He certainly was more honest and vulnerable than he’d ever been before.

However, it had been a few days without her entering his room and she had not written back.

So when he saw her enter his room that night, he froze in shock.

Despite what she’d hinted at the other day, Kaz felt this fear in his stomach that she’d reject him.

He had, in a very Kaz-like manner, told her his feelings towards her in the letter.

It was indirect, as was to be expected, but he knew she’d understand what he was trying to say.

She didn’t speak to him, instead walking to her guitar he still had resting carefully in the corner of his room.

Y/n took a deep breath, “I think… after your letter, this song I’ve been working on is finished now”.

Kaz was still frozen as he waited for her to sing the song.

“I began writing it to apologize for the times I tried to cut you out when I needed help, and you’d tried to provide that” she continued, looking at him nervously.

“But I didn’t feel I had closure to be able to finish it. Now I do” y/n admitted.

“My knuckles were bruised like violets

Sucker punching walls, cursed you as I sleep talked

Spineless in my tomb of silence

Tore your banners down, took the battle underground

And maybe it was ego swinging

Maybe it was her

Flashes of the battle come back to me in a blur” y/n sang softly.

Kaz recalled the stories she’d told him of her past as she sang this line; his own trauma allowing him to understand how flashbacks impacted one’s actions.

“All that blood shed, crimson clover

Uh-huh, sweet dream was over

My hand was the one you reached for

All throughout the Great War

Always remember

Uh-huh, tears on the letter

I vowed not to cry anymore

If we survived the Great War” she continued.

Kaz suspected this verse had to do with the night he tried to hold her hand after she told him a detailed recollection of a past trauma of her’s.

In her distressed and panicked state, she’d flinched and pulled her hand away.

He hadn’t taken it personally but knew she felt bad as it was a big step for him to offer her his hand.

He also noted the last lines likely referenced the letters in which he’d called her out for the dried tear stains on the letter she’d returned to him, demanding he know who caused her tears.

“You drew up some good faith treaties

I drew curtains closed, drank my poison all alone

You said I have to trust more freely

But diesel is desire, you were playin' with fire

And maybe it's the past that's talkin'

Screamin' from a crypt

Tellin' me to punish you for things you never did

So I justified it”

Kaz wanted to scold her for still being bothered by having rejected his touch that night.

But he knew that would only make it worse.

Plus he knew what it was like to be in that situation and that she had no control over the guilt she felt.

“All that blood shed, crimson clover

Uh-huh, the bombs were close and

My hand was the one you reached for

All throughout the Great War

Always remember

Uh-huh, the burning embers

I vowed not to fight anymore

If we survived the Great War

Uh-huh

It turned into something bigger

Somewhere in the haze got a sense I'd been betrayed

Your finger on my hair pin triggers

Hold you down on that icy ground

Looked up at me with honor and truth

Broken and blue, so I called off the troops

That was the night I nearly lost you

I really thought I lost you”

She sang with a whispery voice.

Kaz realized why she’d been distant lately.

She wasn’t mad at him, but she felt she’d been the one to ruin what they had by her indirect confession that night.

“We can plant a memory garden

Say a solemn prayer, place a poppy in my hair

There's no morning glory, it was war, it wasn't fair

And we will never go back

To that bloodshed, crimson clover

Uh-huh, the worst was over

My hand was the one you reached for

All throughout the Great War

Always remember

Uh-huh, we burn for better

I vowed I would always be yours

'Cause we survived the Great War

Uh-huh

I would always be yours

'Cause we survived the Great War

Uh-huh

I vowed I would always be yours”

She finished, her eyes closed until Kaz slowly pulled the guitar from her.

“You understood my message” he muttered, his tone far softer than normal.

She nodded, smiling softly, “I did. And I’m your’s Kaz. If I understood that part too, it being what you want”.

Kaz swallowed thickly, still feared for her safety but he nodded nonetheless, “it is”.

——-

Before they parted for the evening, Kaz needed to be sure she understood the other part of his letter.

“You know you can always come to me?” He asked, his voice barely heard over the wind hitting his window.

“I know Kaz” she smiled at him.

He nodded, “even if it is hard, you can sing it. I will fight to understand your meaning”.

She blushed, tapping her pinky against the back of his hand, “thank you”.

Kaz flipped her hand over, holding it for an impressive thirty seconds, “no, my dear y/n. Thank you for lowering the tides”.

“It’s the power of music Kaz “ she smirked at him, a large smile on her face.

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