#like i feel as though that should be a line we all inherently have

[daydadahlias]

what are some lines you won’t cross as a fic writer?

please see jessay below the cut <3 TW for discussion of SA & murder

I think this is an interesting question because I don't know if you mean, like, with stuff I'd write or attitudes in general. because the first thing that comes to mind with this is, as a fic writer, I will never engage w/ the subjects of my fics about my fics. As in, I would never want 5sos to know about my stuff and I would never want to discuss my fics on any platform in which they might be exposed to it (which is why I'm not really on twitter) because they are not consenting to reading/hearing porn about themselves. do I think the lines of rpf are blurry?? yes. but 5sos have said they don't care abt fic so I'm fine and happy to write it so long as they are not unwillingly exposed to it and I know they don't seek it out themselves.

but, if you mean like, lines I won't cross in terms in what I would write in fanfic, then I think most are ones I wouldn't cross if I were writing original fiction either.

I think the only thing that's rpf specific is that while I might write an original novel about, say, the internal monologue of a murderer bc I think the psychology of what drives a person to murder is interesting, I wouldn't write a fic about that because that would be - inherently - glorifying murder because people would automatically have a good association with the person I'm writing about (like, if I wrote Ashton as a serial killer, people wouldn't be able to get past it being Ashton) and no one should be having good associations with murderers <33

(to get ahead of the accusations bc I always expect them, "accused of murder" is not the same as writing someone who is a murderer and murders for pleasure; I would not write a fic about someone who is actually a murderer bc <33 killing should not be glorified or promoted <33 and people should not find murderers sexy thank u).

so, it's basically stuff like that. i don't want to write fics that promote truly unsavory material to an impressionable audience.

(I'm under no delusions here that a portion my readers aren't most likely teens and I don't want to be writing shit about their favorite guys that makes their brain associate bad things w/ good people and therefore makes them like or become attracted to bad things; I refuse to be part of the cycle that puts young people in dangerous sexualized situations bc they read shitty fanfic in their youth thank u).

this would also extend to writing domestic abuse between any of the guys, incest, raceplay or anything promoting racism, ableism, sexism (as in, treating one of the guys like a woman - or pointblank calling him a woman - and saying he's subordinate because of this - which people do a lot in this fandom, not to talk shit), underage smut or ageplay (or anything that alludes to pedophilia), or rape/SA in general (which would apply to sexual harassment, non-consensual touching, necrophilia, sex-pollen, dub-con, uninformed consent, statutory rape, coercion, drunk sex between strangers, etc.).

now, obviously rape is a subject I have written about so I would like to point out that there is a difference between researched, honestly addressed dark fiction that deals with heavy subjects, and writing something that purposefully fetishizes/glorifies a subject like rape.

writing about rape being bad is not the same as writing about rape being hot, even though they're both touching on the subject of rape, so let's jot that down, those of you that have no reading comprehension or critical thinking skills (and if I get an ask in my inbox tomorrow that's like "wEll yOu'vE wRitTEn aBoUt rApe BeFore" I will scream into a pillow)

however, while I'm talking, this is an opportunity to express that I think topics like cnc (consensual non-consent) are a little more nuanced than people allow them to be within this context. Like, yeah, sure, you could lay a blanket statement over everything that's "never write about rape being hot" but... I do think there's a difference between cnc and rape. so,,, while I would never write about rape being hot ever, I don't necessarily apply that to cnc (like previously discussed somnophilia or roleplay) because I think it's a different topic in general.

that isn't to say, though, that I would write cnc (bc I don't think I would ever feel comfortable doing that); it's more just to say that I don't think it's as hard a line as others and that I do think a cnc kink is valid and I'm really understanding of people that have that kink. A rape kink is genuinely a different thing and I think that should always be a hard no (as in, no one should be writing fics where a 5sos member rapes another 5sos member and then frame it as sexy; that is really fucked up y'all and me thinking that should not be a hot take).

and those are the major lines I will never budge on. no murder, no rape, no pedophilia, no abuse.

and I also think it's worth mentioning that everyone's limits as a fic writer and a writer in general are different so, no, i'm not policing or telling someone else how they should write their shit but that this is how i personally think when writing mine and I'm allowed to say whatever the fuck I want on my blog, blah blah blah, disclaimer disclaimer, if one single person tells me my kink critical attitude is ruining fandom i will roll my eyes so far back in my head i will see my own brain.

hope this all makes sense and is what u wanted <3

[moonstruckme]

tasm peter parker or james potter x anxious ! reader ??? i literally get so stressed and anxious at night that my heart starts beating rapidly and i can’t do anything let alone sleep 😭😭😭😭 wishing that i wasn’t all alone in this and had some company, but we can imagine ! 😭

Thank for requesting lovely

cw: symptoms of anxiety

tasm!Peter Parker x fem!reader ♡ 628 words

Peter’s hand stopped moving on your back a while ago. It now lays flat just below your left shoulder blade. You wonder if he can feel your heartbeat from back there. 

“Wanna try some more breaths?” he asks. His voice is soft with drowsiness. 

You inhale slowly, mostly in the hopes that your boyfriend will think you’re calming and he’ll fall asleep. But really, the achey, dissatisfying stretch of your lungs only makes you feel your thundering heartbeat more acutely. Every time you realize how much it hurts, it’s like an invisible boa constrictor wraps tighter around your chest. 

Peter starts rubbing your back again. 

“I don’t think this is sustainable,” you murmur. “You should go to sleep.” 

“What, and leave you by yourself?” he scoffs lightly. Your stomach sinks. If he was approaching sleep, you’ve brought him back. “Not a chance. But if you think it’s not working, we could watch a movie or something.” 

“No,” you say, though it does sound nice. The past couple of nights, you and Peter have cuddled up on the couch with a movie, and when you eventually get tired enough to fall asleep he brings you to bed. It works great for you; the catch is that then he’s the one staying up. 

It’s something about being in your bed, you think. It’s not an inherently unrelaxing place, but when you get into bed at night, the lights off and your home silent, suddenly dread is gripping you like a vice. Your thoughts go where you can’t stop them—you’re hardly quick enough to keep up at all—and before you know what’s happened your heart’s rattling your ribcage like it wants out and your eyes are glossy wet. 

“I don’t think it’s not working,” you tell him now, trying not to sound too hopeless, “I just don’t think it’s realistic for you to spend every night putting me to sleep like an infant.” 

Peter huffs a laugh. “C’mon, don’t be so fussy,” he teases. You pull back a little just so you can glare at him through the darkness. You’re pretty sure he can see you with that super vision of his, yet he chooses to ignore it. “You still wanna be my baby, right?” 

You try to groan, but a little bit of laugh makes it through. “Gross. Not like that.” 

“Yeah, I know.” Your boyfriend chuckles, encouraging you to do the same. Though it’s a begrudging sound, it does loosen something in your chest ever so slightly. “But hey, I don’t mind staying up with you. The anxiety is around going to sleep, right?” 

You hum. 

“Then we’ll give you some new feelings around going to sleep.” Peter leans forward, dropping a kiss on the top of your head. He says it like it’s easy. Like it’s a foregone conclusion, and even if it’s not he’ll just start trying the next thing. “We can do this. I’d rather be awake with you than asleep without you anyways.” 

You burrow in close to his chest. You can hear his heartbeat, steady and about twice as slow as yours. “That sounds like a cheesy line you got from a romcom,” you say, your voice inlaid with fondness. 

“Yeah, Sleepless in Seattle.” 

“Really?”

“Nope. Never seen it.” Peter gives your shoulder a firm scrub, and you can practically sense his smile as he lays another kiss on your head. “But it makes what we’re doing seem pretty romantic, huh?” 

If you asked the people who directed those movies, they’d probably be able to think of a million more romantic things you could be doing with your boyfriend than laying still in bed, whispering to each other and trying to outlast frantic thoughts. But to you, right now, it does seem pretty good. 

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

might be an unrelated ask with how things are going on right now, but the only way i ever see traitor ace theory coming into fruition is if he destroys yuu's way back home because of how his feelings will boil over (since he thinks being vulnerable is uncool). i've always tried to convince myself that his silly tsundere moments are yume bait, though i really can't deny the fact that yuu is literally everything that his ex-girlfriend is not. they've watched a horror movie together from idia's lab sr (and sending grim all alone to get snacks???) in playful stage, they ride a roller coaster, and if you tell him you like it, he suggests going again again (just the two of them without grim???) bro is not slick with how attached he is to mc.

I have my own thoughts on Ace traitor theory (which you can read here)! To summarize, I don’t believe in it. If Ace betrays us at all, I think it will be in a trivial capacity (like he does something stupid that the rest of the group disagrees with, like taunting Malleus to attack him) and without malicious intent.

He may think being vulnerable is uncool, but I don’t think he’d take an action as drastic as destroying Yuu’s route home no matter how emotional he got. (That feels more like the stuff I see in angst and/or yandere fan works.) Ace gets mad and acts out, yes—but it tends to be in situations where he feels like being has been wronged, not to hinder the people he cares about. His character and his actions the entire story have done nothing but demonstrate that he values his friends and will be there for them until the bitter end, even if he whines about it the entire time.

And well 💦 when it comes to “is this platonic or romantic”, I always default to “it’s up to individual interpretation”. TWST will never give a “canon” ship for Yuu because that would impede the self-insert mass appeal design of the blank slate character. Not everyone wants to perceive X (in this case, Ace) as a love interest. Not everyone wants to perceive X (again, Ace in this case) as a friend. Therefore, there’s always going to baity lines to feed the yume crowd (Michard voice: give me your ur wallets) but lines are also kept plausibly deniable (framed as “jokes”/nor serious) or ambiguous enough to be interpreted either way.

In Ace’s Suitor Suit vignettes, he says this about his ex: “She said the thrill rides were too scary for her […] She vetoed all the action and horror flicks. Hanging out was just plain boring, so I stopped contacting her as time went on.” And indeed, Ace engages in the activities his ex refused with Yuu. They’re watching a horror movie together in Idia’s Labwear vignettes, as well as riding roller coasters and other thrill rides in Stage in Playful Land. Yes, you can interpret these as romantic since they sent Grim off by himself to get popcorn and want to ride again by themselves.

However, that’s not the only possible interpretation, and nor should it be. It could just as easily be argued that Ace and Yuu were just hanging out as friends in a “kicking back with your bros” kind of way (regardless of whatever gender Yuu identifies as). Watching horror movies and going on exciting rides are normal things that friends could do together. There is nothing inherently romantic about those acts by themselves. It could also be said that Ace is lazy and constantly trying to get out of work, so of course he’d pass off the job of getting more snacks onto someone else. The ride thing is innocuous too—maybe the others just aren’t feeling another round, while Ace and Yuu are still on that adrenaline high and want another hit of it. And again, it’s probably framed as wanting to do activities with Yuu specifically to help foster that parasocial relationship and create a sense of bonding with the player.

Of course Ace is attached to us and likes to hang out. We’re his friend, and that much has been established since the prologue. We are naturally a lot closer with him by default compared to several of the other guys (with maybe a few exceptions, like Deuce). Whether you see Ace and Yuu’s relationship as anything more than that is up to the individual!

That being said, I’d rather not talk in terms that imply one ship is “better”, “absolute”, or “more supported by canon” than others 😅 Not just for Ace x Yuu, but any ship, really. It unintentionally frames the discussion like a competition and leaves some people out of the talk if they don’t vibe with it or have different preferences, y’know?

[antimony-medusa]

Gonna be honest with you though if someone outright says “don’t ship my character with other people” or something to that extent regarding smut or whatever I don’t think there should be any ambiguity

I get your point about the nature of fanfic being inherently encroaching upon people’s images so that levity should be extended to otherwise uncommon avenues but I really believe hardline boundaries should be respected, end of, no discussion. If I see people violating creators’ boundaries for their characters Or themselves (and these can be intertwined, it’s not up to the audience to pick apart their boundaries, cuz I’ve seen people try to do that) I’m not going to judge them fairly and I feel like neither should you.

Lines can be crossed and intimacy (not even necessarily romantic!) is a very different monster than the other avenues of storytelling because of how it involves real life relationships seeping into character relationships. Its’s uncommon for people to be like “I wrote A’s character being tortured because I feel like A is tortured in real life” but they Can and Often do that with ship work. So I don’t know, I feel like you’re not affording this the right nuance.

Alright, so, this is another post I'm gonna slap with a discourse and long post warning right away, buckle in.

Yeah, I hear what you're saying, and this is not an uncommon opinion to have! It's still the opinion of twitter/x so far as I know, and I think it's probably the opinion of the bulk of dsmp fans here, as well. I know my posts get notes once they start circulating in hermitblr, but I don't kid myself that I have the majority view. I am posting to explain my views expressly because I know a lot of people don't agree with me!

And in this case we do have a difference of opinion. There's two sort of points as I see it in your posts— we have hardline boundaries about shipping/nsfw from some people, and everyone in the fandom should be abiding by those no exceptions or be thrown out of the fandom; and we have shipping boundaries but not boundaries for other things because shipping is uniquely boundary-crossing and terrible and invasive, in contrast to anything else we can do in fandom.

Taking the second part first, I just don't think that's true. Let's not forget, boundaries discourse started with SMPLive and SMPronpa, and it was not the shipping that caused the discussion, it was the death games. The first real fandom reckoning we had with the notion of boundaries as mcyt fandom was over gore and murder and portraying people in violent ways. Shipping was barely a blip on the radar. The way the discourse has developed now, shipping is framed as the absolute worst thing anyone could ever do with your public image, and everything else is fine, but that is not the case for everyone. Recently the Pirates SMP creators were asked repeatedly for their boundaries (bothered on twitter, really) until they gave them and thus we saw people being fine with shipping but not wanting family dynamic, or being against both shipping and gore, or being fine with shipping but not wanting to be gender bent or trans headcanoned, etc. Not everyone feels the same way about the same things, despite the us-american cultural viewpoint that romance and sexualization is uniquely bad but gore and torture is fine, that everything else is fine.

Like, if we're looking at DSMP, I think there are a lot of creators who would feel just as strongly if not stronger about fics in which their character died of a terminal illness than they would about a fic in which they kiss someone, for understandable reasons. But I see those tropes in the tags regularly!

I think if we are honest with ourselves, if we are going to hardline boundaries about things that are uniquely invasive or bad to do to a creator's character with the view that we are putting all of this up for the creator's approval, we need to accept that this excludes us from writing anything where a character is abusive or is tortured or dies of a terminal illness or is psychologically broken or is age regressed or is neurodivergent or is queer if the cc is straight or trans if the cc is cis or cis if the cc is trans or straight if they're gay— the list of things that would be weird to do in the face of the real guy is really long. And it has most of our favourite tropes on it!

I love writing autistic philza. It would be really fuckin' weird to go up to Philza and tell him about how I write his character as whumped and autistic. Come on now. (But that's within boundaries, so that's— fine? I really don't think it's fine!)

Which is why my stance is that we should be thinking critically about these things, and keeping the fandom seperate from the creators. Some of these things are just not for the creators. They're fine but they shouldn't go on twitter. Y'know?

The idea that shipping draws uniquely on the real person and leads to invasive behaviour but nothing else does— that nobody does "I wrote A being tortured because I think A is tortured in real life"— Look. I have been in the fandom a long time. I remember how all the abused tommy narratives fed right into people assuming his family in real life were abusive— and talking about this on twitter! Where he and his family could see! People did this with WIlbur and Techno too!

I remember people reading about trans tommy and then truthing that the creator either was transmasc or was going to come out as transfemme any day now, publically, on twitter and in his chat. I have seen people she/her tubbo to his face on twitter, with fancams. I have been in chat when people who have clearly assigned Phil "dad" start asking WILDLY invasive things in TTS. If you think that shipping is the only fandom behaviour that can lead to people drawing directly from the streamers for their work and treating the creators weirdly about it, you simply have not been paying attention.

The way the fandom insists on treating benchtrio as children despite the fact that they're almost twenty and viciously attacking their friends for treating them as adults and chiding tommy and tubbo and ranboo for inappropriate behaviour. The list goes ON.

So. The recieved DSMP wisdom is that we should TTS the streamers to check if it's okay if we write a fic in which they die of cancer. We should DM them on instagram to ask if it's okay if we write them as a gender or sexual identity they don't share. We should show up in their twitter mentions to ask if it's okay if we write them as a physically abusive parent.

No????????

My view on that is that it is frankly bizzare it is that we have decided that "asking creators for detailed instructions regarding porn or gore" (especially in TTS! When they're fucking at WORK and can't step away! Stop doing this to the hermits!) is normal and fine and responsible but "post your shit in appropriate places and leave the creators out of it" will make you a monster.

Once again, the experience of someone coming up and saying "i think of you as age regressed" and someone saying "i found this fic where you're age regressed" and someone saying "can I write a fic where you're age regressed" is not that different. In all cases you know that the person has been thinking about it and putting it out there, and in all cases you didnt seek out this information, it was brought to you. In all cases it's weird. Just do not bring this information up to them!

If you just think about it for a while, you see that there is an entire host of things that would be weird to force into the view of a creator, especially when you consider that half the time we got these clips from TTS information when we have no idea if the person answering knew the context of what they were being asked, if they were specifically aware of the creator/cc divide that the fandom works with, or if they felt pressured into it. Oh yeah, let's take a TTS clip from Tubbo when it was 2 in the morning for him and he was deep in a minecraft mod when someone asked him about alters and delusions and he was like "oh you mean like— when they can't help it? I guess that's fine." That definately counts as freely given, reversible, informed, enthusiastic and specific consent to show him anything we want at all times forever. That's never going to make him uncomfortable.

Think a little here.

So I think there's a lot of the fandom that we should not be putting up for the approval of the creators, and if we don't have a firm answer on if they would like potential edge cases, we should probably be thinking about it and keeping it away from them (and I would err on the side of caution), we should NOT be showing up in the TTS to ask them about narratives in which they're institutionalized, or making them a GOP conservative in fiction, or if Wilbur was canon about seeing them as a bottom, or whatever bizzare thing someone is cooking up now. Honestly if you think to yourself "I don't know if the creator would like seeing this", I would be much more comfortable if the two choices we were picking between there were "simply don't write it" or "write it but keep it away from them", and "harass the creator for an answer on this subject and only write it if they say yes" never entered the equation at all.

And to return to your first point, if we already have a class of fiction that we are keeping away from the creators because basic intellectual curiosity would show that it would be weird to show someone, I don't think it's the end of the world to go "okay, creator doesn't like NSFW, so we also keep the NSFW away from them, keep this shit off twitter, block them if you create it, don't show it to them" and then we archive lock it and continue on our little weirdo on the internet ways.

Now, I don't expect to convince you of this, the phrasing of your post does not indicate that you're open to discussion on this topic. That's fine. Nobody has to agree with me. But I grew up conservative christian, and I have already had people try and get me to throw people out of the community for their perceived sins where I was like "well, I really don't think this is that bad", and I'm really resistant to being forced to do that again. I don't think it's a healthy way to run a fandom, to be shunning people for what they're doing in fiction. Harassing creators in chat? Sure, I will block them from my events as untrustworthy. That's hurting someone in the real world. Writing something that I don't vibe with privately on the archive for an audience of 50 people? That is not doing harm to real people. As long as they're not showing it to the creators, I don't count that as offensive.

How's that for nuance.

[fxirysforesight]

Future Spouse Pick a Pile

Directions: Close your eyes and set your breathing into a steady rhythm of your choosing, as you draw your attention towards your body. Imagine a cord connecting to your Solar Plexus. Take this cord down the expanse of your body, all the way down through your bed or your chair, through the floor, and down into the ground. As you travel deep down into the center of the Earth, imagine yourself coming across a large rock. Tie your cord tightly around this rock, and begin to come back up to the surface, up through the floor, through your bed or chair, and back into your body. Open your eyes and pick the Moon that calls to you.

Pile One Pile Two Pile Three

Pile One:

What Can Be Expected From Pile One's Future Spouse In Terms Of Personality?

2 of Swords Rx, Wheel of Fortune

At the time that this reading was done, this person had a very indecisive and avoidant energy. However, this doesn't feel like a completely anxious feeling. It's more of a carefree and jovial feeling. With underlying anxiety. They may be avoiding a specific situation, or this may be an inherent aspect of their personality. It doesn't feel as though this avoidance is being done purposely or with malicious intent, it feels like an unconscious action on their behalf. This person doesn't seem to want to have an attachment to negative situations. They avoid them.

Additionally, the 2 of Swords in Reverse represent being guarded and being detached. However, seeing as though this card is in reverse, I see it as the blindfold finally coming off. Slowly but surely, they are in the process of a transition. This could have been brought about by a sudden change or an epiphany. Maybe a stroke of luck, or karma has worked in their favor, considering the Wheel of Fortune. Additionally, the Wheel of Fortune is ruled by Jupiter, and because it's a Major Arcana card, it may be a significant indicator of this person when you meet them. Their jovial and Jupiter-esque personality may be evident when you meet them, but remember that there is also the 2 of Swords Rx, so under that Wheel of Fortune, we have the avoidance and inner turmoil.

I also want to mention that the Wheel of Fortune represents life cycles. When someone is in a cycle, they know not to expect to have anything for long, because eventually they will have to give it up to move on. That is how this person is. They give off an air of impermanence. Going back to what I said earlier about them being detached and guarded, this ideology of "That's the way life goes" ties into this.

What are The Beliefs Pile One's Future Spouse Holds About Their Career?

Queen of Swords Rx, 9 of Cups Rx

The Queen of Swords in Reverse denotes a very bitter and vindictive energy with a touch of poor communication. At the time of this reading, this person is harboring negative and spiteful energy towards their career and the people within it. They don't seem to be happy with their current position, or even with their line of work at this moment in time, and may even be considering a change. They are well aware that their career is affecting their usual performance and attitude. When you turn the Queen of Swords upside down, she loses her crown, her sword, and she falls off her throne. Right now, this person is feeling like they have lost everything.

With the next card in the sequence being the 9 of Cups in Reverse, this person is clearly not happy in their current situation. Upright, this is a card of enjoyment, satisfaction, and happiness. Right now this person is not experiencing any of these things. Their current career path is not in alignment with their wants, needs, and talents as a person. Currently this person is at a stalemate. They seem to be in the process of evaluation and reflection. That's all I'm getting from them in terms of career. It doesn't really feel like they want to talk about it.

What Energy Should Pile One Expect Regarding Meeting Their Future Spouse?

Page of Swords, King of Cups

So the Page of Swords is very communicative. It's a youthful energy-like card. Full of enthusiasm and curiosity. However, it also represents being guarded and defensive. Such disposition may be present when meeting your spouse. With this card being ruled by Gemini, you can expect to see some Mercurial themes going on when you meet your future spouse, Pile One. With that being said, some of you will meet or have met this person through your siblings or through your friends, or while you were with these people. Specifically friends that you made at school in your youth, or when you were much younger. Meeting in group settings is a big possibility with this card. It's also a possibility that you will meet or have met this person on a short journey. Maybe you decided to drive to work that day because you didn't have enough time to walk like you usually do. Maybe you decided to go to the Starbucks 5 minutes from your house instead of the one 50 minutes from your house. Things like that. This card represents trying something new. When you do so, that is when you will come into union. Additionally, you may have met or will meet this person online. Through dating apps, social media, gaming sites, etc.

The King of Cups however, is more of an emotional card. It has a very mature and easy-going energy. With this card being ruled by Pisces, you can expect to see some Neptunian themes happening when you meet your future spouse. With that being said, some of you could be meeting this person out of the blue. It could be a purely coincidental meeting, that you really don't think much of. Since Pisces rules the 12th House and the 12th House ruled things that are unconscious, it is a possibility that you could meet this person on a blind date. Some of you may meet this person at a night club. Pisces is a reflective and introspective sign. You might meet this person at a hospital or in some type of medical field. It's also highly likely that there will be water themes present when you meet this person. Lakes, rivers, streams, oceans, fish, etc. (I also think some of you guys' names or nicknames might have something to do with these themes.) There may be some type of spiritual theme surrounding this meeting. Since Pisces is traditionally ruled by Jupiter, there could be Jupiter themes present as well. You could meet this person at a religious ceremony such as a wedding. You could meet them while traveling abroad. This person could also be foreign.

What Is Preventing Pile One From Coming Into Union With Their Future Spouse?

3 of Cups, The Empress

It's still a hot girl summer for some of ya'll. You haven't come into union with this person because you aren't ready. You are still enjoying your youth, your friendships, your flirting, your flings, you're still living. A lot of you in this Pile aren't even thinking about meeting your future spouse any time soon. With the 3 of Cups here, you guys have an amazing social life, that takes up a lot of your time and fills your heart completely. A lot of you don't think that you NEED to be worried about a spouse because you're already fulfilled right now. For some of you though, this isn't the case. Some of you really do want to get married. But I think a lot of you still have a lot of growing to do, in terms of figuring out what you really want in a relationship. Some of you guys may do a lot of casual dating. (Purr) I'm getting that a lot of you secretly want to be parents as well. Or maybe you already have kids.

How Can Pile One Release That Blockage?

6 of Cups, 9 of Swords Rx

Heal your inner child. That's it. That's all.

The 6 of Cups Represents coming back into your self. Reigniting your innocence, your curiosity, your immaturity. Going back to the simple things in life. The small things that make you happy. Connect with people from your youth, tv shows, movies, games, toys. There may be a lot of healing that you all must do. Wounds that were created in your childhood. I don't want to get too far into that because it can be triggering. So that's all I will say. Moreover, with the 9 of Swords in Reverse here, you are encouraged to believe that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. While it is great to be self reliant, the 9 of Swords in Reverse wants you to rely on your support system and the people that care about you to help you achieve inner peace.

Significators and Confirmations: November, Sagittarius, Double Dates, Aries, Green Eyes, Older, Summer, March, July, French, Yellow,Twins, Duplicates/Doubles, Sushi, Social Media, Cupid, Flashing Lights, Disney, Alcohol, Some of you may be from or considering traveling to the following countries; Korea, Cuba, India, Canada.

Pile Two:

What Can Be Expected From Pile Two's Future Spouse In Terms Of Personality?

Page of Wands Rx, 8 of Pentacles Rx

So at the time of this reading, this person was in a funk. They are feeling very lazy, lethargic, and uninspired. They may have recently been given some bad news that has caused them to develop a very pessimistic mindset, causing them to display the shadow sides of the Page of Wands. For some reason I think this has to do with a work project that they are working on. I keep getting "dropped the ball". Maybe their indecision and hastiness has caused them to drop the ball, whatever that may mean to them, causing them to develop the aforementioned traits.

I also want to mention that The Page of Wands is a very youthful card. It's like the teenager of the court card suit. It doesn't quite have a handle on the feelings associated with this card. When it's in reverse, The Page of Wands displays shadow traits of Aries, which I believe is a prominent sign in this person's natal chart. I also think some of you could have prominent Libra or 7th House placements, specifically Libra Rising and Mars in 5th or 7th House. Another theme that is present with this card is lack of harmony. This is further supported by the 8 of Pentacles in Reverse.

With the 8 of Pentacles in Reverse, not only do we see procrastination, but it also signifies something of poor quality, or something that has been rushed. This person is likely spreading themselves thin and starting to make careless mistakes because of it. They are putting too much of their focus on one aspect of their life (likely career) and neglecting the others.

What are The Beliefs Pile Two's Future Spouse Holds About Their Career?

5 of Swords, 10 of Pentacles

So as I expected, this person is experiencing issues in the workplace. With the 5 of Swords, they may have a tendency to argue their way around the workplace, or start arguments to get their point across. This may manifest as a "win at all costs" attitude, even when winning should not be the goal, but usually they feel like their ultimate goal is to win these arguments. They are highly ambitious when at work. They may be easily irritated or constantly find themselves in situations where they feel the need to defend themselves because they feel as though they are being antagonized. Because this is an Air card, communication is big in this person's career, and they may struggle with it, or may think that a lack of communication from all parties involved is the cause of this problem. Because of this, it feels like this person is wanting to walk away from this situation as it no longer serves them. They feel like they can't win for losing.

On the bright side, with this 10 of Pentacles being next in the sequence, this person is looking to expand their horizons. They seem to pride themselves in their work ethic and dedication and believe that they possess the traits needed to secure long term wealth and security. I have a feeling this person has been investing, or possibly worked in an investment company? The 10 of Pentacles represent building groundwork or a foundation. This person may want to start a business that they can pass on to their children, or they may work with their parents to create this business or gain wealth and prosperity from their parents. They could also work in sales as well.

What Energy Should Pile Two Expect Regarding Meeting Their Future Spouse?

The Empress, 9 of Cups Rx

The Empress is a very feminine and sensual card. It is full of creativity, harmony, and love. The Empress is associated with a very Earthy sensuality as its ruling sign is Taurus. With Taurus being ruled by Venus, you can expected to see some Venusian themes present when you meet this person. Throughout this entire reading, monetary value has been a huge theme, and it could be prominent in your union. When you meet this person, you may be dressed up, or looking expensive and luxurious. You could meet or have already met this person at the bank, or while you are dealing with or handling money or expensive items that you own. You could meet them when you are about to make a big financial decision. Additionally, themes of comfort and security are prominent when you're talking about Taurean energy. This may sound weird, and it won't apply to everyone, but you could meet your future spouse while purchasing furniture, or items to go in your own home. Moreover, since Venus also rules Libra, those themes can be present as well. You may meet this person in a place where art or music are prominent. You could also meet them in a very formal or business-like setting. Additionally since the 7th House is all about connections to other people, you could meet this person through a mutual friend, or your own mother. Someone here studies Accounting.

You will likely meet this person after a period of introspection from either you or your person. With the 9 of Cups in Reverse here, it will be a time in your lives when they or you aren't the best version of yourselves and you begin to want more for yourselves. When you begin to feel dissatisfied and know that a change needs to come. This may come about when your person reaches that 10 of Pentacles moment.

What Is Preventing Pile Two From Coming Into Union With Their Future Spouse?

7 of Swords, The Sun Rx

It seems like you guys are afraid, Pile Two. You guys are scared of deception, disloyalty, cheating, lying, being hurt. You're running in the opposite direction of your future spouse because of this. I get it, it's a reasonable fear to have. With the Sun in Reverse here, I don't feel like you guys are very enthusiastic about meeting this person. You may have a set view about relationships, or find that because of your experiences you have found it hard to remain optimistic. Some of you guys may be afraid to let your mental guard down because you don't want to develop any "unrealistic" expectations regarding relationships. At this point in time, a lot of you may be closed off to meeting this person energetically.

How Can Pile Two Release That Blockage?

The Hermit Rx, Justice

I see that some of you have been withdrawn and anti-social for a while now. It was good while it lasted, but you have to come out of it now. Introspection is only good in moderation. You have been trying to do it yourself, help yourself, give yourself everything, seemingly apprehensive about letting others in. You need to connect with others. Once you do this, the scales will balance, and you will reap what you have sown, with Justice here. Justice is all about karma. If you have treated others with kindness, and integrity, and fairness, then you shouldn't be afraid about what's coming to you. Just know that it will be a blessing. My advice to you, is to form meaningful connections. You never know which connection may turn out to be the right one.

Significators and Confirmations: Capricorn, Soulmate, Leo, Aries, Older, Aquarius, Fire, Sagittarius, Virgo, May, Libra, Aquarius, Purple, Fairytale, Skincare, Capricorn Juno, 2nd House Stellium, Chiron in 7th House. Taurus Venus, Capricorn Venus, Ruler of 7th House in 2nd or 8th House, Mars in 7th House, Libra Rising, Venus/Jupiter in 4th House.

Pile Three:

Before I started reading for personality, I suddenly started to feel anxious and worried about the most random things, mainly things related to my health and the health of my family and friends. If anyone was looking for a confirmation, here it is.

What Can Be Expected From Pile Two's Future Spouse In Terms Of Personality?

Strength, 6 of Wands Rx

At the time of this reading, this person is feeling good. With the Strength card upright, they are ready to be an active participant in their own life. They may be very active and popular on social media. They may post themselves a lot, or post a lot about their personal lives on the internet. Because this card is ruled by Leo, this person may carry some of those traits with them. They could be very flamboyant or "extra" in their mannerisms, and even the way they present their physical body. They enjoy having fans, followers, and friends, but they would much rather do something because they like it, not because everyone else likes it or wants them to do it. This person embodies conviction and power.

However, with the 6 of Wands here, we see the exact opposite. Because this card is also ruled by Leo, this card can be seen as the potential shadow side to their main personality being represented by The Sun. Because this is a Minor Arcana card, this may be a learned behavior, and therefore can be unlearned, as it may be a result of their environment and not an inherent aspect of their identity.

The 6 of Wands Reversed as a person represents someone with a fragile ego, someone who is easily wounded and hurt. When their pride is significantly wounded or they are offended, this person could have a habit of retreating back into self pity and loss of confidence mode. At this point in time, they could be suffering from a period of self-doubt and lack of validation from both themselves and others. This is likely the result of a specific situation happening in their personal life.

What are The Beliefs Pile Three's Future Spouse Holds About Their Career?

4 of Wands Rx, Death

Not very happy times right now. The 4 of Wands Reversed represents instability and lack of progression. Your future spouse is likely at a point in their career where they are experiencing obstacles and challenges that are preventing them from advancing in their career. For them, this job no longer feels fulfilling due to conflict and lack of community within the work place. In addition to the 4 of Wands denoting a "rocky" situation, it could also propose a complete halt to the situation which is the likely outcome of this situation considering the next card in the sequence is the Death card.

This may seem like a bad omen to receive but honestly I'd be more worried if it was in the Reverse position. With it being upright, this person is likely ready for a change and transition with their career. They are letting go of their old belief systems and ways as they have realized that they no longer are serving their purpose. This is the card of new beginnings, which is what I think this person is aiming towards at this point in time.

What Energy Should Pile Three Expect Regarding Meeting Their Future Spouse?

6 of Pentacles, Ace of Swords Rx

The 6 of Pentacles is a very giving energy. Not only does it represent gaining prosperity of your own, but it represents doing so by giving towards others. It's a very give and take, mutually beneficial card. Being ruled by Taurus, you can expect to see some Venusian themes present when meeting your future spouse, very similar to Pile Two. However, this pile is a lot more money based than Pile Two. So if you resonated with Pile Two, you can go and read that pile as well! You could meet or have already met this person at the bank, or while you are dealing with or handling money or expensive items that you own. Looking at the symbolism on this card, it's possible that you could meet this person through a gift of some sort, particularly some sort of inheritance. You could meet them when you are about to make a big financial decision. With this pile in particular I'm getting that you may meet this person through a colleague or business partner, while in the process of closing a business deal. Does someone here work in Law? or is someone a Business Management major?

With the Ace of Swords in Reverse here, we see a setback or delay in an important situation regarding Legal matters (Libra) Since this is an Air card, being ruled by Libra, this meeting could happen after all parties involved step back and reassess the current situation before regrouping. Because of the tense aura of this potential situation as well as the civil and business circumstance, I don't think you and your future spouse will immediately begin to talk and become buddy-buddy with each other upon first meeting. I think you both will be preoccupied with the current task at hand, to explore any feelings that may arise. With Taurus here, this will be a very slow moving situation, with the two of you starting off as acquaintances first.

What Is Preventing Pile Three From Coming Into Union With Their Future Spouse?

Ace of Cups Rx, 5 of Cups Rx

Spiritually, a lot of you are emotionally closed off to this connection. You may be holding yourself back from meeting this person because you fear a lack of fulfillment once you do. A lot of you don't believe that this relationship will live up to your expectations. Additionally, some of you are afraid of losing yourself after you meet this person. You may think it'll hinder your own personal development. Some of you are currently going through a breakup or have just gone through a break up, and some of you are in a situation of unrequited love. Either way, you aren't open to romance at this point in time. On the bright side, although this was clearly very hard on some of you emotionally, you guys are moving on, and letting go with the 5 of Cups in Reverse. You are releasing these negative thinking patterns and these negative feelings, and you're willing to heal.

How Can Pile Three Release That Blockage?

The Chariot, 8 of Cups Rx

You can release that blockage, by taking your life into your own hands with The Chariot. It's time for you to start taking decisive actions and stop being a bystander in your own life. The Chariot encourages you to take challenges head on in order to navigate them successfully. This is your life, you are in control. With the 8 of Cups Rx, you are encouraged to reflect on the situation at hand, and decide whether it is important enough for you to carry with you for the rest of your life. If it isn't, then you need to let it go. It's time for you all to move out of your comfort zone. Go to new places, try new things, re-evaluate your priorities and values, and change your life.

Significators and Confirmations: 444, Aquarius, Libra, Enemies, Soulmate, Love at first sight, August, Yin, Grey, July, Spring, May, Aries, Scorpio, Taurus, Leo, Sun in 1st House, Gift Giving Love Language, 8th House Juno, Jupiter in 2nd House. Ruler of 7th House in 2nd or 8th House. Sun in 7th House, Sunflowers.

[zvtara-was-never-canon]

Have you noted that no one from Azula's family was shown to express love and affection towards her?

That is mostly true. Ozai's affection is clearly conditional (and full on manipulation at worse, like we see in the finale), Ursa canonically favors Zuko to the point that we never see her spending any alone time with Azula like she did with Zuko, and while Iroh gave her a toy like he did to Zuko the toy in question was so OBVIOUSLY wrong for a kid like Azula that it's comical AND show's he did not really know his niece at all.

But there is a constant exception.

Zuko's relationship with Azula is complicated. He clearly admires her strength and power, but he hates how she uses it. She lied to him many times, was seen apparently cheering Ozai on during the Agni Kai, tried to have him imprisoned and even said she'd celebrate being an only child - and then allows him to come home as a hero after Ba Sing Se, even though SHE had the control of the Dai Li and was not yet aware Aang could have survived, meaning she had nothing to gain from it.

And when she lets him know that if he's caught talking to Iroh people might think he is a traitor too, and explicitly says "Believe it or not, I'm actually looking out for you" Zuko drops his innitial suspicion that she wanted something and that's why she was helping him.

On The Beach, he just follows her when she say their old family home is depressing and they shouldn't waste their time there. When she's asking him who she is angry at, she mentions herself and Zuko explicitly says that is not the case.

He doesn't trust her and know she has a tendency to mock or full on lie to him... yet when he wants to know about Fire Lord Sozin he asks her about it, and lets it slide when she mocks him by saying he should make sure the royal painter got his good side - for a character as quick to anger as Zuko, that is a big deal. In Nightmares and Daydreams he also goes to her to find out if he'll be allowed at the war meeting.

More importantly:

1 - Iroh's infamous "She's crazy and needs to go down" line was only said because ZUKO, without anyone putting that idea in his head before, suddenly went "I know what you're going to say. She's my sister and I should be trying to get along with her"

2 - Zuko only jumped into the fight in Ba Sing Se when Azula was being cornered by Aang and Katara.

3 - Zuko looked genuinely shocked and even distressed when she was falling off that cliff. He just sounded so shaken saying "She's... not gonna make it..."

4 - In the writer's own words, Zuko felt no hate but only pity when seeing her breakdown. Katara tried to comfort him because, canonically, even though Zuko and Azula are enemies, this was never what he wanted because he still sees her as family. That's why the Last Agni Kai's music is not the epic you'd expect from a battle, but a tragic one.

5 - Aaron Ehasz, the lead writter for the show, probably the person with the most influence after Bryke, has REPEATEDLY said that he always felt Azula should have gotten a redemption arc, Zuko being an Iroh figure to give her advice and be the only one still by her side when all else was seemingly lost to her forever.

Even the comics (most of which I HATE, mainly because Azula's storyline checks nearly every box for "the mentally ill are inherently evil/less human, so it's fine if literally every other person on the planet mistreats them") didn't fully abandon their complex dynamic.

Zuko is not a perfect sibling, and for a long chunk of the story he seemed too focused on his own issues for Azula to ever be a factor in his mind (aside from the moments in which she was a potential/explict threat), but he DOES still feel a sense of obligation towards her, to the point that it made him do something no one else in their family had done before or since - actually look at Azula. Not the prodigious daughter/perfect weapon, or the problem child that is difficult to handle, or the pontentially deadly enemy that was in the way, but Azula.

His 14-year-old sister that got on his nerves a lot, was far from the kindest person alive, and that he had a ton of issues with, but that he could never fully hate or even be indifferent to. Because she's family. Because he remembers a happier time in which the gap between them didn't seem so big. Because if things had been slightly different he could have been her. Because he went from wanting to be her to seeing just how miserable her life ended up being - especially compared to the one he now had - and feeling deeply sorry for her.

Now if you guys excuse me, I'm gonna go cry in the corner. Have some wholesome/bittersweet fanart if you wanna cry too.

[achaotichuman]

Acotar Rant

I actually think Elain being selfish and manipulative is a very interesting character flaw for her. It clashes with what she tries to project which is an image of perfection, loveliness and kindness.

Thing is, she isn't inherently kind. She isn't merciful or innocent. She killed a man with zero hesitation. We have no idea how she even got across the fucking battlefield, you don't think she struggled to get there??? She purposefully set out to murder a man and it didn't so much as affect her later from what we can see. She doesn't show mercy.

When people talk about Elain killing Hybern, no one ever brings up how fucking out of character that would be for her in their version of her. Just, so many people are like "Elain should get credit tooo!!!!" and then their version of Elain is the perfect, kind flower girl who can do no wrong. Like, no, if you want her to get credit you have to acknowledge that was pretty cold-blooded, and its perfectly in character for canon.

Consider how Feyre reacted to killing Hybern soldiers in Summer. She vomited her guts up and felt guilt even though they were the enemy. Elain doesn't so much as bat an eyelash.

She is selfish. Compare her actions to Nesta's throughout the entirety of ACOWAR, Nesta is out there trying to help purely out of the kindness of her heart, and Elain fucks off, because she doesn't want to.

She lets everyone baby her, she packs Nesta's things and doesn't utter a single word when the IC locks her up, even though Nesta would have taken a knife to Rhysand's throat if he dared do the same to Elain.

And its not that she feels threatened by the IC, and this evident for when she cries and says 'Nesta isn't trying' and allows herself to their manipulative device to force Nesta into scrying.

Elain is not stupid, that's quite obvious. She's shown herself to be observant and intelligent, so I doubt she was unaware of the NC using her. She knew, and she actively allows it.

I use the wording 'she lets', because I think for Elain. Instead of having the same rhetoric of her being a defenseless child who cannot think for herself, she actively has to work against bad habits and built in tendencies.

She clearly WANTS to express an image of perfection and kindness, even though her natural inclination seems to skew to the negative.

To have a perfect character is to not have a character at all. There's no growth or journey, and for Elain, she'll always side with the person that's most likely to give her the outcome she wants the most.

She wants to be left alone? She lets the IC baby her.

She wants nothing to do with Lucien? She sticks by Feyre (who routinely sees her and Azriel as a better couple.)

Now I don't think she is a mastermind or actively working for an evil cause, I just think she is naturally drawn to selfish desires even at the expense of others.

And this would make her so so interesting. She's not perfect, the projection of her image is by design, it's not the 'real' Elain, she's a bit shitty. It makes her more *human*, it makes her less of a cardboard cut out. Now we have actually have a path of growth laid out. It involves deciding between continuing down a line of chasing fleeting happiness and materialistic desires drawn out but the former future she had promised as a human, or actively working towards being the person she truly aspires to be. That truly kind and gentle soul.

Elain has a very empty character, and I will tell you that it was a choice to make her like that. It makes her so much easier for SJM to write, because she is malleable, SJM can turn her into anything she pleases later on. So, my arguing that Elain is inherently selfish is mute because despite the actual actions of Elain's character, SJM will not reflect on them as foreshadowing, Elain is like this because making her do anything of value would deprive SJM of her writing freedom while writing her. Because she would actually have to stick to whats already been set up, even a little.

What I actually think will happen, is Elain will be Rhysand 2.0

She'll do things that are inherently bad, but get away with them because 'shes perfect and can do no wrong.' Thats how SJM writes, and she'll either make Lucien a shitty person along with it, or make Lucien Elain's bitch who will simply become an empty character to slap beside Elain.

Anyway, regardless of potential, Elain will be like the rest of the lot. She has to be to fit in with SJM's brand.

This is not an incredibly deep dive into my thoughts on Elain. I have a lot more, but this is a pretty good generalization of them all. If SJM is not a coward, she will make Elain selfish and have her recognize that.

She lets everyone baby her

I would also like to reinforce, I use the word 'lets' here because Elain does not fight against the constant infantalisation even though it's clear as day, because she wants the image of being perfect. And I can go on and on about how thats probably the result of her childhood and being the middle sibling often comes with trying to get the attention of your parental figure when usually it will be cast on the eldest and youngest. But y'all ask if you want that deep dive.

Kaaaaaay bye

[nothingenoughao3]

Herbert West Was Dead To Begin With (or, why Danbert was always doomed by the original narrative, pt. 1)

Thanks to this post by @gabelish, my brain went in about twenty directions. I have to talk about this or I'm going to end up chewing on my walls, and that's bad for my teeth.

Reading the script of BRIDE, it's... messy. Disorganized. You can tell they pounded this thing out in a month and didn't really have time to revise or edit. What's interesting is seeing the vague shape of a theme despite the rush-job--to get cheeky, it's a bunch of disparate parts that don't quite move in sync. A Bride of an idea that almost, but never quite does, manifest. Especially considering one or two lines that were cut which, it turns out, were integral to understanding that theme.

Let's go over it all, shall we?

Francesca's immediate appeal to Dan feels like a weird choice on the part of the filmmakers. It's asking us to care about a brand-new character without giving us much reason to do so, other than "she's a woman and she's available to the protagonist". This is a big ask in Part 2 of a franchise which, as we witnessed with the collapse of Part 3, relies entirely on the chemistry between the two already-established lead actors. The most boring parts of BRIDE are when Francesca's investigating the Sefton Ward, because neither of the dudes we're here to see are onscreen for a long time, and…

And, well, we'll have to have a big talk about Inherent Value and misogyny/queerphobia/transphobia in Re-Animator, but that'll be for Part 2.

So what's the deal with Francesca? Why is she even here? Is she just there to drive a wedge between Herbert and Dan?

Well, yes. But in addition to being an object kicked between the two leads as needed, she is also an object for the writers' thematic purposes. This purpose is revealed in what Dan says in the infamous scene where they have sex: "So soft... so warm..."

It's the warmth Dan craves, because that is associated with Life.

Francesca is Life. She's associated with food, the real substance of Life--which Herbert rejects. The script even specifies that Dan and Herbert's kitchen should look like it was never used... as though there's no life in it. Fran brings Life to it by preparing food in it. She's also associated with Angel, the dog, who generally senses--not Evil, per se, but the Dead. Angel reacts positively to Fran and to Dan. And Angel tries to attack every reanimate she meets--as well as Herbert.

Dan values and believes in Life. He is seduced by Herbert's quest because he wants to believe that reanimated beings are Alive. But let's be real, he doesn't believe reanimates are Alive. He agrees with Dr. Hill's assertion that reagent "gives the dead the appearance of life". He asserts that Halsey is dead post-reanimation, because, obviously, he doesn't see Halsey as Alive. Later, he perceives the Bride as being a collection of dead human body parts until She's reanimated. At that point, all the stress seems to convince him that she is Alive... until Herbert emphasizes that the Bride is his creation, a being glued together with reagent.

Who, therefore, cannot have Life.

Dan rejects the Bride because he wants Life, someone who is Alive. She's not. This is also why part of his rejection involves him declaring that Meg is dead. The thing that kept Dan on board with the Bride Project was imagining that he was bringing Meg back to Life. Stating that Meg is dead is acknowledging that reagent cannot create Life, so far as Dan's concerned.

Meg's heart is, to me, another symbol. Dan wants it to represent Life, but as the final shot emphasizes, it represents Death. It only had the appearance of Life so long as Dan believed in its validity as a source of Life. Notice that he says "You're not Meg!" in response to the Bride offering him Meg's heart, because it isn't the heart he wanted, only what it stood for. Once he stops clapping his hands and believing, the heart stops beating... and is left in the embalming room, with all the other Dead Things.

They cut several lines where Dan repeatedly referred to Gloria as "Meg". This gives Dan's desires specificity. Dan spends all of BRIDE wanting Meg to Live. That is his central trauma, the source of all his fuckery: he misses Meg and he wants her back. He almost fools himself into thinking she's alive again, then accepts that she's not.

The next best person to escape with, then, would be someone who is Alive.

This is what Francesca gives him.

In the script, Dan resuscitates Francesca successfully once they escape the tomb. He joyfully declares "You're alive!". THAT is what Dan wanted. Life. Someone soft and warm.

To Herbert, though, reanimated life IS Life. He perceives no magical or spiritual dimension to Life the way Dan's implied to (and the narrator of the original stories did). His inability to convince Dan to see things his way is a big part of his downfall in BRIDE, but it also points to a really brutal tragedy underlying the whole plot:

If we take the Integral Cut as canon, and it likely is, then Herbert isn't Alive by Dan's standards, and hasn't been this entire time.

He shoots up reagent. This is in stark contrast, by the way, with the original stories, where Lovecraft emphasized that reagent did nothing whatsoever to living tissue. This is--symbolically, again, I'm not making diagetic claims here--a not-so-subtle declaration that Herbert is Dead. Corpses and body parts get the reagent because they are not a part of Life. And since Herbert gets the reagent, well...

Anything that comes from Herbert cannot be Life. It can only be "the appearance of life". This is why the food Herbert makes looks fake and wrong and is described as "awkwardly made" in the script, unlike Francesca's perfect sauce... Food is Life. Herbert is Dead.

The script of BRIDE suggests that Herbert repeating Dan's "So soft, so warm" line is manipulation, but it sure doesn't come across that way--it comes across as abject begging for Dan to see some kind of value in the Bride Project, and thereby, in him. When the Bride tries to win Dan back over by repeating "You made me!", Herbert, sounding furious, snaps "I made you!". He thematically links himself with Her because she's the big project that will make Dan love only him the Work. He reinforces the theme that he is Dead, or Death.

The way that Herbert gigafucks himself is when he senses that Dan's about to reject the Bride (Death) in favor of Francesca (Life), and Herbert... accidentally confirms this dichotomy with "Forget it, Dan, she's just dead tissue!" That is exactly what Dan didn't want. Herbert objectifies the Bride--but not into just any object. She is turned into a disposable object, a thing they can throw away in a medical biohazard bin. Because she's Dead.

He's trying one last Hail Mary to win Dan back, but their fundamental disagreement on the very nature of Life and Death means Herbert can't even understand how to do it.

Relatedly, Herbert is heavily associated with Dead Places. He is introduced to Dan in the sonofabitchin' morgue and spends almost half his scenes in same. His personal room in Dan's house is Spartan, because Living people need luxury and personal items, and Herbert's... not. He spends most of the rest of his time in the basement--underground, like a grave, get it, hahaha. In BRIDE, we never see his bedroom. Instead, he spends most of his time in the basement/embalming room/secret laboratory which is also underground, and which is interconnected with a tomb in the graveyard. A tomb Herbert willingly tunnels into and accesses regularly, which is totally normal Living behavior and not that of a ghoul...

... and, in the end, he is dragged off into that tomb, and he does not escape. Because he belongs there.

He is Dead (which is why, by applying queer theory, we all think that he's queer and/or trans, about which more in Part 2). Herbert's hard and cold, not soft and warm. He has only the appearance of Life. Everything he creates is Dead.

In the script, when Francesca and Dan meet in Peru, they talk about the cruelty of war, and she says the following: "When the state makes people's lives unnatural, it creates monsters." This is called back when she finds out that Herbert's built Hand Dog out of Angel. She calls Dan a "freak", and accuses him of acting like he's saving people when he's "creating monsters". Because he is behaving like Herbert, he's a freak. A monster. Someone who thinks he's creating Life when he's actually reveling in Death.

Hell, the script describes the reanimate rejects that kill Herbert as "the fruit of his scientific womb", deliberately mocking Herbert's notions that he's creating Life, and also causing me physical pain as a trans dude.

The more I've gone over this theme (in the service of my long-ass fix-it fic), the more it feels like Dan and Herbert were always doomed by the original narrative thanks to this specific, fundamental difference between them. The only way they'd be able to get along long-term again after BRIDE is if one of them changed fundamentally as a person, and not only would neither of them do that, it'd make their dynamic less interesting and engaging to watch. (I mean, shit, I've had to introduce Lovecraftian Great Old Ones to help those two buttheads understand they have a common enemy.)

But yeah. Sorry to say it. Herbert's Dead. That's what made it so easy for Dan to abandon him. Herbert could cut out his own heart and replace it with Meg's. It would not have made any difference. There is nothing, nothing at all, he could have done, not once Dan realized that reagent cannot give Real Life--that it can't bring Meg back to him.

It was always going to end this way. With Herbert lost among the Dead. With Dan fleeing for Life and normalcy.

But that's what fandom's for, fixing all of that... right?

[livesworthlivingau]

Behind the Vale 16

Spoilers for ISAT/Two Hats!

Also got a cameo this time around! Readers of the Sifstem AU will likely recognize it~.

"Nille? Where are you going?" [You call out, noticing she had left your side and started walking towards the tree line off the path.]

"Oh... I don't know really, something was just, calling to me I guess?" [Nille said somewhat absentmindedly, still walking towards the thicket before her. You start after her once she vanishes into the woods.]

"N-Nille?!" [Oh stars, why is she the one vanishing now? Doesn't she know that's our job? You grumble to yourself and chase after. You start to notice a strange feeling as you grow closer... familiar yet unpleasant.]

"Vale! Over here!" [You hear her shout in the distance, passing through several trunks and bushes before finally stumbling into an opening beside her. You grumble even more and brush the leaves off yourself... then you notice the favor tree in front of you, and an odd stranger sitting at it's base. It sat in the exact same pose you used to... It perked up as it noticed you.]

"Huh? Oh! Oh oh hello!! Hello hello! Are you traveling too? I think I'm traveling. But I like this tree so I decided to stop! For now, at least."

[It spoke strangely, polite, deliberate, but also very scattered. It had hair like the night sky, a sea of black with white dots. Constellation lines dotted across it's face.]

"Yeah, we're looking for the saviors, my little sibling's been travelling with them." [Nille explains while you remain a step or two back. You stare cautiously at this stranger and the odd sensation they keep radiating.]

"Saviors? Saviors saviors. . . . Oh! Saviors! Of Vaugarde! Oh yes I remember them, or, a them, anyway. Were they the same saviors? No, there's only one set of saviors isn't there! Haha, silly me. Oh! You must have been walking a while, want to take a break? This tree is very good for taking breaks under."

"That sounds nice! Are you okay though? You seem a bit... discombobulated?"

"I really think we should be heading along actually, busy day and all!" [You try to excuse yourselves, almost dragging Nille away before she elbows you in the side.]

"Don't be rude, Vale!"

"Oh! Yes, sorry! I'm just a bit of a forgetfull mess, haha! Vale's the name? I like it! You should sit down and relax, it really is a nice tree, y'know. Oh! And what's your name!"

[You don't know what compels you, but you suddenly find yourself taking a seat opposite them.]

"Wh-How did you blinding do that?!"

"What are you going on about?! I'm so sorry about them, I'm Nille, what's your name?" [She says, taking a seat beside you, still giving you a confused and annoyed look.]

"Do wha- oh! It's quite alright, I'm Jinn! It's a great pleasure to meet you both!! You're looking for the saviors, right? Yes you said that, it was. . . Oh! You're looking for that kiddo Bonnie right?"

[Nille lights up at the mention of Bonnie.]

"Yeah! I guess the resemblance is pretty obvious, have you met them?!" [You continue to stare cautiously at this stranger, everything about it gave you pause... especially somehow knowing 'its' pronouns inherently now that you think about it.]

"Yes? No? I think so! Forgive me, my memory is hazy, haha. Oh! I do remember they are an amazing chef!! Who were they traveling with, again?"

[Nille looks to you expectantly, to which you roll your eyes and comply.]

"There's the fighter, the researcher, the house maiden, and the traveler." [You say with your arms crossed. Nille gives you another annoyed look.]

"You know you can use real names, right?"

"Oh! Oh of course! Haha of course you would know that. I think. I think?. . . . Names. . No middle name. . . No last name. . ."

"Wh-What did you just say?!"

"Yes, names, names, it was, was. . . Something, someth- Oh! Siffrin! That was it, yes! Oh! I'm remembering now, thank you! How could I forget! Oh dear, Vale, I'm so terribly sorry, it took me so long to recognize you! It really is a pretty name, you know. Picking out a third new name for yourself? Well it's just so. . . Vaugardian of you!"

"SHUT UP!! WHO ARE YOU?! HOW DO YOU KNOW ALL OF THIS?!" [You shout as you jump to your feet, you try to summon your dagger, but you don't seem to have access to it anymore...]

"Vale, what the crab's gotten into you?!"

"IT KNOWS SOMETHING! IT KNOWS AND IT'S PUTTING ON THIS STUPID ACT!!"

"Oh Vale! Please, stop yelling. I'm trying to piece my own sentences back together and it's really not helping. And I'm sorry, Pétronille, for causing such a scene."

[You grab at your throat as you try to scream once more, though nothing comes out. You start to panic which only makes you wish to shout more.]

"... I don't think I told you my full name..."

"You didn't? Oh! Oh of course you didn't! I have so much to remember I forget that I don't remember! Ah, no, it's coming back to me, I am sorry. My name is Jinn! But, well, that's just a name. A name I like to go by. Most who know me know me as Keaoholo'oko'a. Sorry if that causes a headache, by the way."

[The word cuts through you like a knife. It doesn't hurt but it takes all the fight out of you. You slump back down to sitting and stare in awe at the 'stranger'.]

"Y-You're... oh stars..."

"Uhhh... What?" [Nille winces some as the word affects her a bit more negatively, shaking off the light pain.]

"Yes, stars indeed. I know it might be strange for me to say, but, truly I have as bad a memory for such things as you do. It's wonderful to finally meet you, in honesty, I was building up the courage. Although, I don't think I planned on meeting you per-chance like this."

"C-Courage?... Y-You were afraid to meet me?..."

"Okay someone's gotta explain to me what's going on. Who is this, Vale?"

"This is... uhhh... The Universe?..." [The words fall out of your mouth in disbelief, you could hardly believe it yourself.]

"... Riiiight..."

"Oh! Yes! Vaugardians do not know of my existance do they. A shame, the culture exchange used to be so vibrant! What a thing to see. . . Truly, Change can be so welcoming and nice. . . Hmm. . . How to explain. . . I would ask Vale too but, I'm not sure they would be much better."

"I am. . . Hmm. Everything that ever was and ever will be, everything in the night sky, the stars, and all of ones willpower and desier. Such as your Change God is a manifestation of entropy and change, I am that of all that currently is. Oh, oh I am really remembering things now."

"... Why do I actually believe that?"

"Because it's the truth, Now about you being scared to meet me?" [You ask almost excitedly. The universe had crabbed us over plenty in the past, and now it was scared of us?]

"A-ah, yes, well. . . . . . I'm sorry."

[As the sincere apology escapes its lips, you want to feel smug. You want to rub it in its face. You want to scream and smack them for everything they put you through... Yet that all just melts away, hugging yourself after a moment.]

"... I can assume what it is you're apologizing for, but honestly I'd really like to hear you say it..."

"R-right. . . I'm sorry, for being a terrible guide. A terrible god. I am to lead you, lead you all. To teach you, to help you grow as a person. I am the shepherd and you, and all from our home, are to follow."

"In return, I grant your wishes. If I do my job right, then such wishes will be trivial and easy things. Things that will not cause grief. But, I have failed. And three time's now a wish has nearly ended it all."

"... That... That means a lot to hear from you... Thank you. And hey, that last wish didn't turn out so bad, all things considered~!"

"You mean the one that crabbing killed you, Vale?!"

"Oh it's not like that's anything new for me~." [Nille seems unimpressed by your response.]

"I couldn't mess this one up! If I did I'd never live it down!! Do you like the new face? I can't claim credit for it, but, I do hope you don't feel. . . Wrong?"

"I couldn't be happier with it~."

"Definitely beats that torch light you were sporting before." [She chuckles out, causing you to smirk a bit.]

"Well that face served it's purpose anyway. Much as the one I'm wearing is now. . . . What do you plan to do, Vale? When you meet them again? Or do you plan on avoiding them forever."

"... I don't want to keep avoiding them, but I don't know what I'm going to do." [You admit, looking away rather ashamedly.]

"Perhaps, if you talk to your new companion about your deeper situation, she could help."

"Is it talking about your first two wishes?" [Nille asked, cautiously placing a hand on your shoulder. You allow her but still look away as you respond.]

"I'd rather we just leave that all in the past..."

"You and I both know it's going to come up. Wasn't the whole lesson of that misadventure to talk to those important to you?"

"Oh come on, you have to admit I'm miles ahead of how I was even just a couple weeks ago!"

"Wait... You're telling me they were worse than this?"

"Impossibly so! I truly am proud of how far they've come, but yes. They were much, much worse. I thought you would have talked to at least one of your companions before hitting the triple digits, but. . ."

[Nille grips your shoulder a bit tighter at that, though you only wish to escape this moment even more.]

"Those days are finally over, I'd greatly appreciate if we just move on..."

"Of course, of course. I am sorry. I will not push you to explain such things, although, it will come up in your future. It's up to you how it will."

[You just sit in uncomfortable silence, waiting for the topic to change. Nille takes the hint and sighs.]

"Well, if you're not gonna talk about it, then lets just move on. I don't suppose you can help me find Bonnie?"

"Hmmmmmmm well I coooould~ if you ask right. That's the issue with my existence, I'm bound by simple things. Changey is lazy, yes, but if they want to give you a gift they can just, do it. I have to wait for, well, the proper paperwork, in essence."

"Well that sounds easy eno-"

"NO! I'm sorry Nille, but you're not making a wish!" [You find yourself back on your feet, you leapt out of your seat before realizing it with your protest. She looks to you in shock and confusion.]

"Well why the crab not?! I need to find Bonnie and we're just going in circles at this point!"

"Wishes aren't just something to play with... I don't want you getting mixed up in all of this, you've seen how they can go..."

". . . I will admit, my ability to properly grant such things have only deteriorated since our home. . . Well, well I was proud I was able to grant yours latest one correctly."

"Gruesome methods notwithstanding, it did turn out well in the end I guess... Alright, it's decided then~." [You say with your chipper mask slipping back on. You get up and start to look around the base of the tree.]

"What's decided? What are you doing?"

"Looking for a leaf, to make your wish~!"

"Wishing ritual, Pétronille, they are quite important for the craft. I imagine Vale can show you how. . . . I'll do my best not to. . . Ruin it."

"No, I'm taking this burden, I don't want Nille taking any risk over this."

"You don't gotta protect me Vale, I can handle myself."

"Well too bad, it's not happening and that's final~." [You tease with a confident grin. She rolls her eyes and crosses her arms, but does nothing more to object.]

"Now, any suggestions on the exact wording, Jinn?"

". . . Be true to what you want, try not to let other thought cloud what you truly want. Be honest. I. . . Cannot give much more than that. The intent and emotion behind the words matter as much as the words itself."

[You nod, finding a leaf that reminds you the most of Nille. You clear your mind before whispering softly into it thrice.]

"I wish for Nille to find Bonnie safe, sound, and soon." [You then fold it delicately and drop it at Jinn's feet.]

"You didn't need to do that... but thanks, Vay..."

"Anytime, Nille~."

". . . . . You are a very kind soul, Vale. You had both best be off, you'll see what I have for you soon enough. Oh! And before I forget, Pétronille. You are a wonderful sister, and Boniface cares for you very much. I'm glad I finally got to meet you after Changey got all gushy about you a while ago~"

"W-Wait, Ch-changey?... A-As in...." [Nille stammers out, looking like she just saw a ghost nearly.]

"Changey! Change god! Your god! The earings aren't for show, dear. They're just the absolute cutest. And with how brave you were when your home was frozen, to save your little sibling, oh it must have struck a chord."

[You only now realize it's wearing a pair of bonding earrings, one shaped like a star, and one shaped like the change symbol. Nille whispers to herself giddily.]

"Holy crab the change god was watching!!!"

"Well, it's been a surprising pleasure but I think that's enough god stuff for today!" [You remark, starting to push Nille along before anything else happens on this insane day.]

"I can use my own legs, Vale!"

"Good luck out there! If you need me, well, you know what to do~."

Thanks so much to @vulpixisananimal for helping me plan/write this out and Jinn's lines! Absolutely adore how all this went!~

[suhmingo]

I, uh, don’t know how to actually preface this. It’s really just a mini rant/pseudo-analysis of chapter 167. Which was pretty crazy. But, I loved this chapter, and yes I’m typing this with two hands.

But first let me try and do some housekeeping.

It’s perfectly fine to have an emotional, even visceral reaction to 167. That’s the point

If you feel grossed out, betrayed, unnerved, dumbstruck, or any form of bamboozled by today’s chapter then good! That means the emotional weight of the scene is working, and that you are a proper, feeling human. The

The whole point of fiction is to explore themes that would be difficult, even dangerous to experience from a place of safety. To me that’s, like the entire reason I ever wanted to become a writer, one of the most unsung broke boy jobs in the history of the world. My desire for Denji to get better in a world that is dead set on making him fail is the entire reason I have an emotional investment in the first place. Stories are inherently about conflict and the struggle with resolving conflict, that should make you uncomfortable.

Say what you want about Chainsaw Man. I can take it, I’m a big boy. But one thing that it has always had since Chapter one is a well-defined through line about the complexity of our innate desire to find some type of love fighting against the pain-wrought pathway that it leads us down. In a good story, every chapter should have some way of showing the highs and lows of that theme, and I’m pretty confident when I say that 167 perfectly shows us that.

It’s bad. Don’t let people who brag about their trauma tolerance tell you otherwise. You are well within your right to feel. But I think it would behoove people to 1. Realize that this is fiction, and its effects, though evocatory, are ultimately abstract, and 2. Realize that exploring dark themes allows people, especially a 16-25 (Or whatever the target audience for CSM is) to grapple with and think on human concepts as all encompassing as love.

From a writing standpoint, one chapter has escalated the tension of the entire story more than anything that has happened in Part 2 so far. It’s admittedly a bit early to call it peak. But looking at it as a simple story beat, that’s a fantastic chapter as far as the medium goes.

Listen, the whole point of stories since, like, Mesopotamian times was the tension between wanting a character to achieve happiness vs the hardships and trauma that life happens in life. They’re supposed to put you in a sensitive state emulative of a tense environment. I’d argue that the prevalence of escapist fiction and fandom has changed how we emotionally digest fiction. But that’s a whole nother essay.

The events of 167 aren’t some horny non-sequitur. Everything that happened is entirely a logical, if graven, extension of how we know characters.

Denji is at the lowest point we have ever seen him at. He was literally dismembered and put back together less than 10 chapters ago. The last chapter literally had him groveling on his knees at a cauldron’s brew of his own weakness, immaturity, stupidity, and horniness. I think we can all understand why he would not be in a good mental state to just lose himself in the moment. You can’t even blame Denji in this situation. He was in an entirely vulnerable state that was exploited entirely by

Yoru. Who is the literal embodiment of war. If you think that someone who represents the human fear of war is going to play fair. Turn on the news for five minutes. Yoru is a character we are not supposed to like. She’s fun, because she’s a work of fiction, but she’s arguably less trustworthy than Fami. She’s a violent, exploitative being who possesses a dead teenager. There is no “too far” for her if it’s the fastest way on the road to conquest. Reminder that before she caught feelings, her plan was literally just to castrate Denji because she thought that would further her goals. The fact that it turned into kissing was actually sparing a worse fate. IMO that savior was all in the actions of Asa.

Asa. I genuinely believe that, subconsciously, Asa wanted to kiss Chainsaw Man. Not like how it happened. Never like how it happened, but her desire for Denji/Chainsaw Man's affection has always been evident. She gets irreparably upset when she’s stood up, she makes cringe poetry for Chainsaw Man, and her entire goal as of now is in some misguided desire to make him happy. I also don’t think Asa is actually demisexual, or averse to sex. She is afraid of intimacy, which stops her from ever acting on her urges. Notice that both times Yoru has kissed Denji, it was after the idea of sex and intimacy was explicitly brought to the conversation. To me that screams that Yoru is spurred on by her host’s innate desires. Hell, it’s been shown that in the same way that Yoru has made Asa more proactive of a human being, Asa has made her feel emotions. I don’t think it's a coincidence that Yoru is blushing while kissing Denji. None of that was part of her plan. That’s Asa’s emotional influence getting the better of her in what I predict to be a fantastic role reversal of their initial contract.

This is thematically in line with how Chainsaw Man presents love and sets up deeper themes.



Remember way back in Part One when Denji was just an initial horndog and everybody kinda hated him? I hated Denji back then! When I first heard of Chainsaw Man I genuinely thought it was going to be a mommy-kink fuelled power fantasy. But I was wrong. Wonderfully wrong. Fujimoto used the allure of that idea in Makima to present a story about how dangerous and manipulative the very idea of grooming is, and how damaging that can be to a person. The same way Denji’s desire to get the approval of Makima was poisonous to him is mirrored in his desire for vapid, instantly gratifying sex is being portrayed here. I genuinely think this chapter is going to age like fine wine, and I am absolutely willing to take egg on my face if I’m wrong.

[joelswritingmistress]

You Scare Me, Professor: Chapter 5

Summary: The reader is taking graduate classes at a local university in the wooded upstate New York. She is drawn to her professor, Dr. Joel Miller, though she is also inherently aware that he has something dark about him that she can't quite put her finger on. As the reader's attraction grows deeper, she has to decide whether to endure the danger or run away as fast as possible.

Pairing: Professor Joel Miller x f!reader 

Dr. Miller stood on the sidewalk in front of The Library and I felt like it was some kind of death march. With each step I tried to come up with some lame excuse as to why I had followed him from the school; why I had ended up on the same street as him. Nothing that was plausible came to mind.

I had a feeling he was one of those human lie detector types. Already I felt those dark, brown eyes studying me from afar. Up close, however, they appeared much softer.

“Care for a study session at The Library? You know.. since classes are cancelled this week.” He tipped his mouth up in a half smirk, “I mean, I'm assuming you had a question for me since you followed me all this way.”

I both admired and was intimidated by his bona fide candor. The man appeared completely see-through; honest. He wasn't about to spare me his sentiment on my Tuesday night blunder that left us both standing on the chilly street corner.

“I'm sorry. I..” I didn't have a proper response. Maybe I should have just been honest - to a degree. I had wanted to solve the mystery of the black Mercedes, though that hadn't been the root cause of my trip to Woodbridge on that cold, winter evening. Still, was it right to call him out for following me Thursday night?

You don't know that he was even following you, I reminded myself. Earlier I had convinced myself of the more rational idea that it was a coincidence.

Dr. Miller was entertained. That was another transparent element to his persona. Whether he knew it or not his expressions revealed a plethora of emotion. In this case, he was having fun with the way he had me on edge. It was my own fault. He could have been mad; weirded out. Maybe he was. Or maybe he was simply amused or even flattered.

He opened the door and motioned for me to enter ahead of him into the little bar. Immediately the ethereal scent of luxury washed over me. I was hard-pressed to define exactly what that meant, though it was eminently recognizable and potent - like leather, cigar smoke and a collection of unknowns I couldn't quite pinpoint.

“This way.” Dr. Miller nodded, only passing me when my body froze in place as I took in the surroundings. Leather couches. High top tables. Dim lights. Quiet conversations among small groups, all sipping on different bourbons, scotches or other drinks. An old Dean Martin song played as background music and a line of men dressed in fine suits sat at the bar.

I looked down at my navy blue sweater that was topped over jeans and removed my hat, attempting to straighten my hair out, or style it blindly in some way. When we sat at a small table in the back corner of the place, I stared across at him as he removed his jacket and sat down.

“I'm underdressed.” It was the least of my concerns.

Dr. Miller huffed a fleeting, quiet laugh and abruptly removed the tie he had on over a white, button down shirt, tucking it into the pocket of his jacket. He then proceeded to undo the top two buttons and fluffed the collar.

“Feel better?” He asked.

My bottom lip detached from my top one when his selfless act revealed a trim patch of chest hair that gave even Tim McGraw a run for his money. This man was far too suave and experienced not to know what he did to women. 

“Yeah.” I was at a loss for words and I had no idea what his angle was. Not to mention I was still utterly embarrassed by the circumstances that led us to the back corner of the fancy lounge that night.

When a waitress wandered over it gave me a moment to process things - though not for long.

“What are we drinking tonight?” She asked, prompting Dr. Miller to motion to me first.

“Oh, umm..” I cleared my throat. Despite the fact that we were in a bar I hadn't thought of a drink to order. “A Manhattan on the rocks, please.”

“I'll do the same,” he said with a nod.

“Easy enough.” The woman disappeared and he folded his hands on top of the dark, wooden table as he stared across at me.

“How old are you?” The question was simple but it still took me off-guard enough to allow for a few seconds of hesitation.

“Twenty-seven.”

The next question wasn't so generic. “Are you afraid of me?”

My eyebrows raised. I had given up all control of my facial expressions. “What?” I breathed the word aloud.

“Are you afraid of me?”

“No.” I shook my head.

“Well, what is it then?”

That one was more vague. I had an idea of what he meant, though it was more of an assumption. “I don't know what you mean.”

“Yes you do,” he challenged. Just as hotness swelled through my cheeks he motioned to me with his first two fingers. “That.. right there. I've seen your grades, undergraduate and graduate studies. You're an intelligent woman, mostly A’s. I've looked at your social media accounts - you seem to have a relatively active social life. So, why is it that you can barely look me in the eye or even speak to me?”

Wow. He had a set of balls.

“I don't know.” I was trying to process what felt like a hundred different things at once. How did he know about my grades? Why had he looked into my social media?

“Yeah ya do,” the man repeated.

“Two Manhattans.” The waitress returned and placed our beverages down but this time Dr. Miller didn't look away as he thanked her. The moment she was more than an ear shot away he pried into my psyche even more. “Tell me why you followed me down here tonight.”

I couldn't lie to him. Not when his voice demanded the truth and his eyes pervaded my soul. I went with the most impervious truth in my laundry list of reasons as to why I had followed him.

“Thursday night,” I paused for a moment and then just blurted out what was just the tip of the virtuous iceberg. “I thought I was being followed by a black Mercedes when I left the school, so I wanted to find out-”

“You were right,” Dr. Miller casually cut me off and sipped his drink for the first time. I watched as he set it back down leaving watery fingerprints behind thanks to the perspiration on the glass.

“Excuse me?” I gave a laugh and held his gaze now.

“I followed you.”

Frightened or flattered? Frightened or flattered? What was wrong with me that I couldn't decipher how the revelation made me feel? Shouldn't I be frightened?

“You did what I hoped you would do,” he added. “Especially after the tragedy that occurred on campus.”

I was confused now. What had he hoped I would do? When I didn't ask he proceeded to elaborate on his own.

“You sensed someone was behind you and you didn't turn down the street where you live.”

“How do you know where I live?” That one I blurted out. 

Yes, I was freaked out now. Still not as frightened as I should have been, but freaked out nonetheless. The drumming in my chest grew more prominent as the milliseconds passed. Yet, my eagerness to be there across the table from him still came out victorious.

“I looked you up on the campus portal.”

“Why?” I didn't know if I wanted to ask him ‘why’ or ‘how’; but ‘why’ came out first and I simply waited.

Dr. Miller noticed my shaking hand as I picked up the Manhattan. His eyes dropped and rose in less than a second, as to not acknowledge it, though it was plain as day that he observed my involuntary action.

“I'll answer that question if you answer the one I asked you. Why do you get so nervous around me?”

“You know where I live, you know all my grades and you found my social media accounts,” I said, exasperated, “And you want an answer as to why I get so nervous around you?”

“Yes.”

What the hell was wrong with him? There was definitely something wrong with him. There was something wrong with me for not getting up and leaving.

“You want the truth?” Dr. Miller went on. “I was attracted to you the second you spoke to me in that differential, submissive way that just radiates off you, I'm assuming, whenever you're in the presence of a man you perceive as dominant or powerful.”

I took another sip of my drink. My hand was beyond shaking now. It was trembling. Dr. Miller placed his hand over mine on the glass as I went to set it down so it wouldn't spill. I didn't attempt to pull away.

The warmth of his hand sent my hormones into overdrive. I discovered right then that the Molotov cocktail of lust and fear was blocking out any form of logic. I would have been a great mind for a psychology student to study being so equally frightened and aroused at the same time.

“I think you get nervous around me because you know what I could do to you.”

What did he mean by that? I swallowed hard. I couldn't giggle my way out of this the way I often did if I was nervous. My body was in a state of shock and my mind was locked down.

“Is that why you know all that stuff about me?” I needed to know. “Because you're..” I cleared my throat, not fully able to believe what he had just said. “..attracted to me.”

Even after his formal announcement on the matter I still wasn't convinced. There was that stereotypical submissive behavior he was speaking of.

“That's part of the reason,” Dr. Miller confessed, “But I also wanted to..” he pondered for a moment, the first flounder in our conversation. “I wanted to make sure you were.. okay.”

“What are you talking about?” I shook my head

“I looked up your grades and your Instagram account, which you should put on private by the way, because I wanted to know a little more about you. But I looked up your address when I learned about the murder on campus.”

My eyes squinted when he made a casual suggestion about my Instagram account. What was it to him? Why did he care whether my account was set to public or private? He wasn't my dad or my boss or my.. anything else.

“There are some seriously fucked up people out there.” He almost smirked when he said that despite all the tension but his small smile quickly faded. “And all I could think of when I found out about the girl on campus was that it could have been you.”

“You don't even know me.”

“And you don't know me, yet here we are. Two people who took turns following each other home.” He raised his glass to his lips and the amusement was back in those teddy bear eyes of his as they continued to study me.

I glanced down now at my hand that was still shaking and he reached for it again.

“Don't be afraid of me.” It was a plea and a demand rolled into one.

“I probably should be.” I closed my eyes and spoke the words because I was still too chicken shit to look him in the eye as I made my confession. “But you're right.. I get so nervous around you because..” 

I fantasize about you pinning me against the wall and kissing me and...

I still couldn't get the words out. When my eyes fluttered open, Dr. Miller let me off the hook.

“I know,” he said quietly. “I could tell right away.”

“Am I that transparent?” 

“To me you are.” His hand released mine and there was a wave of disappointment. “And then tonight-”

“You knew I was following you.” It was half-question, half-statement.

“I saw you in the parking lot.”

“Dr. Miller-”

“Joel,” he corrected.

“Joel.” That fit. Joel Miller. I was so smitten over this man that even his first name made me weak in the knees - after he had admitted to violating my privacy on so many levels that should have sent me running, or even reporting him to the university.

Apparently, he was confident enough to think that I wouldn't do that. And he was right. Even for knowing one another for such a short amount of time, it felt like we were on some unspoken level of understanding; some kind of eccentric, warped version of kindred spirits or something.

“Are we on the same page?” He asked now. For the first time there was just the faintest hint of concern in his voice. His hazel eyes shifted back and forth just enough to advertise his uncertainty.

“I think so.” I did think so; but I hardly knew what book we were in.

The series of events were borderline perverse. Dr. Miller had dug into my personal life when he decided I was a perfect match for his antithetical impulses. As a result he felt some kind of connection that led him to follow me home in order to make sure I was alright after the murder occurred on campus.

I hadn't been able to put a halt to my own impure thoughts about him since the moment he walked in the door of class on that first evening. Similarly, there was a dominance and a confidence in the man that was so appealing. It awakened parts of me that I hadn't even realized existed. I wanted him. In the most primal of ways I wanted him.

The fact that he had followed me on Thursday night, I decided, didn't bother me. I could tell that he wasn't bothered in the least by the fact that I had followed him.

And here I was naive enough to call myself the predator and him the prey. Dr. Miller had known all along that I was there. He just waited until the moment was right to let me know that he was, indeed, in control.

There was a silence that had drifted over us but I knew he was reading my body language; deciphering if his decision to be entirely straightforward with me was the right decision. It was - or so that was how I viewed it. The fantasy that had been the focal point of my inner monologue as of late had presented itself on the table right in front of me.

“How old are you?” I lifted my glass again, hoping this time the shake in my hand would subside. It didn't, though I took a quick sip anyway and set the glass back down.

“Forty-four,” he said right away and then added, “Maybe we should play a game of twenty questions.. get to know each other.” That little smirk highlighted his dimples and I knew I was in full swoon.

“Okay,” I agreed.

“My turn,” came his immediate reminder, “Do you like my class?”

I gave a laugh, thankful for the lighthearted question. This one was easy. “Yes. I was disappointed that classes were cancelled this week, actually.”

“So that must've been why you came down to the university.” Dr. Miller winked now without attempting to be subtle about it. “Your turn.”

“Are you married?” It was bold. My face was fifty shades of crimson; but I had to know.

After a brief swirl of the brown liquid in his glass, a smile crept on his face that reminded a bit of The Grinch combined with The Cheshire Cat. “No.”

“Have you ever been?”

“I believe it's my turn.” Dr. Miller smacked his lips after another longer sip from the Manhattan. He smiled wider now and looked me directly in my eyes. I was smiling back at him. “What's your biggest fear?”

My chest tightened just a bit at the question and I saw his fingertips clench the glass a little tighter as the sentence rolled off his tongue.

“Dying,” I answered honestly and knew it was a dark answer. He was probably expecting me to say spiders or the dark. “I'm afraid of.. being forgotten and missing out on whatever's out there for me in the future. And upsetting the people who love me.” I shrugged as if it wasn't genuinely deep thought. It was. Actually saying it aloud was intense.

Dr. Miller's smile had faded. He was staring at me with such a solemn expression that seemed to match what I was feeling inside.

I hardly wanted to change the mood and so I managed a little grin. “It's my turn, I think.” I piggybacked my former question with the one he threw back at me, “Were you ever married?” 

“Yes.” He held his glass between his hands by his face like a poker player making a more thorough attempt to hide his cards. “I was about thirty. It lasted less than a year. I haven't been married since.” Dr. Miller's eyebrows rose and fell once, and I could tell he didn't care to elaborate.

I nodded, not knowing if I was crossing the line in our back-and-forth, sophomoric way to get to know each other. Again, I wasn't wholly sure but he didn't appear to mind as his turn rolled around again.

“When did your last relationship end?” He asked.

It had been a while if we were talking about formal relationships. “I've gone out on dates here and there but..” I thought for a moment, “A boyfriend.. it's been over two years.”

“Why didn't it work out?” Dr. Miller leaned forward just a bit with his elbows on the table now. I knew I could have pulled the, 'it's not your turn’ card but I answered the question honestly.

“I was bored.” It was the first time I acknowledged it aloud. “Yeah.. I.. I just got bored and rather than drag it on, I broke it off.”

“No one else has managed to cure that boredom spell huh?” 

Not until now. I would have loved to have answered him in that way but I wasn't exactly about to show off my full hand of cards, either. I simply shook my head and saw the squint of his eyes as I assumed he was hoping for a more in-depth response.

I had something on the tip of my tongue that I wanted to ask. The alcohol aided in letting my guard down enough to get it out.

“What are you hiding?” I asked because I knew he was. It was more than a haunch. I could almost see the skeleton in his metaphorical closet.

Disarmed. That was the only word I could use to describe the uplift of his eyebrows, the side glance of his pupils toward the wall, the uncomfortable shift in his posture. It was the first time that night where he truly looked subdued.

There is something. I knew it.

“Hiding?” Dr. Miller tried the cool smile again but it didn't erupt on his face in that same smooth manner the way it had every single time before that. His jaw was a bit strained and he cleared his throat.

“Aren't we all hiding something?” I tried to make the question appear more playful and lighthearted.

“What are you hiding?”

“I asked you first.”

“Well,  uh..” His smile was a combination of forced and genuine now. “We’ll revisit that question another time.”

“Fair enough.” Another time. Sounded good to me. I wanted there to be another time. No, I needed there to be another time.

“Are you attracted to me?” Dr. Miller asked, as if he didn't already know.

I didn't beat around the bush. We were here. The boundaries that I so naively assumed would separate us had been breached and he had already made such bold admissions. What did I have to lose by telling the truth?

“Yes.” I was leaning forward now, my hands folded in front of my glass on the table. That one elevated my heart rate and I knew I had forfeited any power when I continued to allow him to ask me questions in rapid succession.

“Did it bother you when I told you I followed you the other night?”

“No.”

“Does it excite you?” He asked.

My cheeks were scorching now. “Yes.”

“Are you going to feel weird when you see me in class from now on?”

“A little.” 

Dr. Miller chuckled now and I laughed with him. Wow, how the mood had changed. I think it was possible that I had experienced every emotion there was to feel over the course of our time together. It was exhilarating.

When I saw him take the last swig of his drink I wondered what that meant. Was that a wrap for the evening? Would he order another? I hoped he would. I could have sat at that bar all night with him.

Dr. Miller lanced at my drink and I hurried to take a sip of it in case he wanted to leave.

“Don't,” he said right away, “Take your time.”

“Thanks.” I let out a sigh and he stared at me for so many consecutive seconds that I was starting to think I had something on my face.

“What do you do for a living?” He finally asked.

“For now, I'm a secretary at the board of ed in the next town.”

“So, I guess I'm not the only one getting up early tomorrow.” 

“Quarter-to-six.”

“Mmm..” Dr. Miller glanced down and swirled the ice in his glass.

“Can I ask you one more question?” When he gave a little nod I asked, “Did you get in the elevator with me last week on purpose? I mean.. was it just to ride with me?”

His answer shocked me. Well, the detailed version of what I assumed, by now, would be a simple ‘yes' is what left me in a heated awe.

Dr. Miller's jaw tightened again and he spoke through partially gritted teeth. “When I saw you walking toward that elevator..” His eyes closed briefly and then opened again, finding my gaze immediately. “.. it took every ounce of restraint I had in me not to grab you by the throat, pin you up against the wall and shove my hand down the front of whatever pretty panties you happened to have on that night.”

And checkmate.

CLICK HERE FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER

@untamedheart81 @amyispxnk @grogusmum @michilandcof @morallyinept

[blossomthepinkbunny]

Poor rendition of queer characters in HH and HB

Here I am again talking about queer representation in Hazbin Hotel and Helluva Boss, this time just more generally. Because it's always a little weird to me when people claim HH/HB to have good queer representation, when in actuality most of the queer characters are either just blatant stereotypes or get mishandled somehow. And with Helluva Boss recently winning the Queertys - Web series reward I think that this is probably a pretty good time to acknowledge that kind of stuff (as people have done before).

TW: Sexual assault, R@pe (when referring to the actions of characters)

Blitzø (Pansexual): is very sexual and seen on screen multiple times either having sex or just having had sex. Pretty much fits the general stereotype of queer men always being sexual and also the stereotype of pansexuals just sleeping with everybody. Like, he literally screwed the mutual Ex of his coworkers even though he knew how much that guy hurt them.

Stolas (Gay): also mostly sexual (from how he was introduced) and he is in a pretty terrible "relationship" with Blitzø, which includes coercion, SA, Power dynamics and fetishization. Another very sex-driven queer man. Also just great proof for the people assuming that queer relationships are inherently predatory, unhealthy and never work out.

Moxxie (Bisexual): is often forced into a very feminine role because even in relationships with women, queer men always have to be pointed out to be feminine and putting a guy in a dress is funny I guess.

Fizzarolli & Asmodeus (Queer): they're actually better than a lot of the other characters here but there is still some of that uneven power dynamic going on with them and there are obvious issues with their relationship. Overall they aren't too bad though. They didn't get that much sexual focus and what they got is kinda warranted since Ozzie is the Lust demon. But there is that one scene with Fizz stepping out of his car with Dildo confetti canons (I think) and that was sorta weird, since in an episode before that they presented Crimson as being homophobic and stereotypical for assuming queer men are all obsessed with dicks. Which is just interesting because thats most of the queer men in Vivzepops stories.

Chaz (Queer): just a sexually abusive asshole because we definitely needed more predatory queer men in this show.

Sally May (Trans mtf): basically the single recognized trans character in both shows and she only had one line. After that they made fan merch for her which consisted of her in a bikini with her bulge being drawn pretty visibly (multiple times). Of course there's nothing wrong with Trans people who don't have surgery but it's just a tiny bit weird to me that fanservice merchandise is what she got reduced to, when something like that wasn't even the joke of the only line she had in the show and because she hasn't recieved any kind of focus after that.

Angel Dust (Gay): now there is a lot of stuff that could be said about Angel. On one hand he is another very sexual gay man whose screentime often just consists of sex jokes and references. On the other hand that's a big point for his character. How he tries to act confident in his sexuality when in reality it's the main source of his problems. Though he does often harass other men in the show and that's just so unnecessary. Talking about Angel mostly leads into discussing if he is good representation for SA victims or not, which is something I don't want to talk about that much because I feel like it's not my place to judge that as someone who never has experienced SA. I'm gonna say that I do find Viv's treatment of him outside of the show insensitive (with the pro-shipping, diminishing Valentino as an Abuser and general sexualization of the characters) but as far as the portrayal of him in the show goes I've heard different opinions and you should read the discussion's of actual r@pe survivors about this topic if you want to know about more about it.

Husk (Queer): I don't have anything to say about Husk. He is a very refreshing queer man in these show's and there is nothing bad about him I could think of right now.

Valentino (Queer): for him I mostly want to talk about how he is treated outside of the show which doesn't sit right with me. He is a villian in HH so it's understandable that he is gonna do effed up stuff. I also like that the show tries to make a point about how men get sexually assaulted too (wether they succeeded in that inside the show I'm not gonna judge too hard like I said). But there are a lot of people who not only sexualize him, but also his actions and his relationship to Angel and from what I know Viv never really spoke out against that. She actually interacts with people who do that stuff and I it's just kinda gross.

Vox (Queer): I also don't have a lot to say about him. He and Val are a couple so he is dating a r@pist but he is also a villain so you can't really expect more from him. Especially since he would still be interacting with a r@pist even if they weren't dating.

Alastor (Aromantic, Asexual): is obviously not interested in relationships or sex but his identity is pretty much ignored by a huge amount of the fandom. Vivzepop never say's anything about people blatantly invalidating him like that. It seems to me like she doesn't care about characters who can't be involved in shipping but still wanted to have more diversity in her show so she just called him AroAce. In Hazbin Hotel he isn't bad representation though. His sexuality is never the focus but thats fine, it's mostly just the treatment he gets outside of HH which I don't like.

Charlie (Bisexual): doesn't have a lot to her sexuality. This is something I talked about pretty lengthy in my other post, specifically about the lack of Sapphic content in both shows, so I won't go into too much detail here. Her relationship with Vaggie would probably be the best in both shows if it wasn't for the fact that they both never get the real spotlight as a couple. And there is that thing in Vivzepops stories where the women are pretty much sexless without men and that's obviously something that is generally an issue when talking about the lack of Sapphic representation (which is also a topic heavily tied to sexism). Charlie's portrayal isn't necessarily stereotypical but that's just because there is nothing to her identity in the show.

Vaggie (Lesbian): like I said I already talked about the Chaggie relationship so now I wanna focus on something I didn't even mention in that post. Her name literally being Vagina and that's apparently funny because she is a Lesbian so she obviously likes Vagina. That's just incredibly stereotypical and also excludes Trans Lesbians and Asexual Lesbians who don't want sex. The whole joke was that Adam named her that because he is obsessed with sex and he's a jerk. But her name was always Vagina even in the pilot (from what I know Adam wasn't conceived then and neither was the idea that Vaggie even is a former exterminator).

That's all the queer characters I could think of. I hope I didn't miss any.

I thought about including Millie here too. But she was also already included in my other discussion post and I still don't know if she is canonically Bisexual of if that is just a headcannon so I didn't put her here.

I'm just gonna say that i don't have a problem with queer men being sexual (or any queer person in that regard). But it's pretty much every one of her queer male characters. This is especially bad when a lot of the relationships are toxic as well.

I just think too many characters fit stereotypes and to me that isn't good queer representation. If you like the depiction of queer characters in HH or HB that's good for you and you don't have to agree with me. But you also can't really deny a lot of this stuff and you can't expect others to just be fine with bland, hurtful and sometimes even toxic representation like there is in these shows.

[the-modern-typewriter]

Hello this is a question that came about from watching the new Fallout TV show and a character named Maximus. He’s a relatively neutral character and his arc is very wonderful coming from a writer and big book reader but I noticed that the average viewer doesn’t understand his character and actually hates him… my question is as an author is it okay to make your story more digestible to people who lack perception since it’s the general audience for mainstream media and how do you do that without losing your story? Idk this was probably too complex and a stupid question 💔

Not a stupid question! There are no stupid questions.

Going to unpack this a bit though. (I haven't seen the show.) First some general points, but then some advice on balancing complexity in a story.

So. Some things to get out of the way:

You don't know what the average viewer is thinking. Just because their opinion on a character is different to yours, doesn't mean they lack perception. Do we sometimes have an issue with critical thinking in the modern age? Yes. But we also live in an age where people bring a vast array of different insights and experiences into the stories they read/watch. 99% of the time a story doesn't have just one right interpretation, especially if it is a more complex narrative.

You CAN try to write a story that is more digestible to a general audience, but if you do have concerns about the media literacy of the general population, focusing on providing unchallenging stories is not the fix to that. People learn through engaging with interesting work and having discussions about them - e.g. when they are given the opportunity to. Perception, like anything, is a skill trained with practice. No one's born with it. There's no inherent us/them that can't be changed.

Will you be happy and fulfilled as a writer writing stories that you feel are dumbed or watered down? I know I wouldn't end up writing the versions of stories that I want. Similarly, you probably won't then attract the readers/audience that most resonate with your ideas, because you don't give them the chance.

Generally speaking, people hate being talked down to. As a reader/lover of stories, if I thought a writer was talking down to me and thought I was an idiot who couldn't understand the themes/plot, I wouldn't want to have anything to do with their stuff. It's a horrible feeling, isn't it? It's like being written off before you even leave the gate.

Okay, now some advice: Amazing children's books are a great example of stories that are simplified to appeal and meet the audience where they are at, without losing the richness that makes them resonate and engage readers/audience. However, there are adult examples too. They share some qualities.

These often have:

Clear structure (there are a myriad story structures that you can use to make a story hit beats the reader expects and create a sense of satisfaction, while still giving you room to play.)

High concept story idea/plot (so, stories that can be explained/pitched in a line. E.g. children are forced to fight in televised death matches (Hunger Games), a famous author is imprisoned by a dangerous fan who doesn't approve of his new work (Misery), 'it's jaws in outer space!'). These stories have simple premises that often have wide-appeal, but the stories themselves can be complex.

Engaging main character(s) with a clear goal/agenda. They don't have to all be morally pure, but for an easy win, your character should be likeable/easy to root for. In a children's book, e.g. at the simplest level, these are often also high concept. (E.g. a mouse wants to be heard so is convinced it needs a lion's roar to be loved - The Lion Inside by Rachel Bright)

There are, of course, exceptions to every rule. Game of Thrones was phenomenally popular, for example, but I don't think it's an easy to sink into world/simple set of characters.

Watering down an existing story to fit a different target audience is often not going to lead you to write the best story. This is because it's like trying to fit a triangle into a circle, or make a banana bread into a savoury scone. However, there are plenty of stories with mass-appeal that offer readers a variety of different levels to engage with them, so it is very possible to write a brilliant story with mass appeal. But you work from the foundations up, not from the finished product down.

I hope this helps!

[waltwhitmansbeard]

so i just read a post explaining why the op (and, according to the op, a lot of other people, even tho the post in question only had 32 notes, some of which were from people who disagreed with them) didn't like the cut to the crown keepers in last week's episode. while i'm totally on board with people not jibing with stuff that just doesn't work for them, i wanted offer some reasons why this seemingly hard pivot to people who are not the main characters of the story being told was a good decision to make (note good decision, not inherently the best decision, which i believe no one, including the dm, at a ttrpg table should ever be expected to make).

matt had an extremely powerful, extremely unexpected character decision dropped in his lap in the final moments of the previous episode. we don't know exactly how much time matt has between recordings, maybe a full week, maybe not, but either way, there's a very real chance that matt just did not have enough time to fully prepare a session to deal with fcg's death and what comes next.

sam now has to create a new character that a) is of a level with the rest of the party and b) makes narrative sense for him to be there. that takes time for both him and matt, and they might just need some space to work on that. when laudna died, marisha was willing to sit away from the table for several weeks because she knew that she wanted laudna to be resurrected, but sam may not want the same thing, and that's okay!

matt may want to fold the crown keepers into his main story, some or all of them—particularly dorian, whom both liam and the fans have been asking to return for a while now. dorian is clearly important to orym and the story that liam is trying to tell, and bringing the crown keepers in may be matt's way to do that.

matt—and dms generally—has always had to straddle a very fine line of making sure that his players are the main characters of their story who feel like their actions have real consequences and effects on the world, while also understanding that in reality, it doesn't make sense for half a dozen chucklefucks to have such an outsized effect on major cosmological goings-on like *checks notes* the potential release of a god-eater. this becomes especially true when you're on your third campaign set in the same world, and your players' previous ultra-powerful pcs are still around and definitely more adept and connected than their current pcs are. i, personally, think matt does a great job at walking that line, and one of the things he does that i appreciate is that he doesn't shy away from the fact that a) his players are powerful but not the most powerful and b) his players aren't the only one who care about what's going on in the world and who are taking actions to effect change. the current plotline re: ruidus is absolutely world-shaking and is causing all the divine girlies to cower in their demiplanes, so of course even the evil ones are going to be calling on their champions to help out. it makes more sense for opal to be involved (which, btw, matt has been hinting at for a while now) than not.

matt might need a fucking break! he's been doing this consistently for nine years now, and shit is complicated! handing over the reins to aabria for a week or two or three may be what he needs to not get burnt out.

dnd is an emotional game, and the entire cast might have been rocked hard by fcg's death. some space away for a week or two could help them process and regroup to get back into a story that is otherwise very stressful and action-packed.

or it's none of these! what do i know! i'm a random idiot on the internet! matt doesn't consult me on these matters! (though my dms are open if he wants to chat, i do have ideas)

i think it's tempting to think of the decisions made in and around critical role (or any ttrpg show) like those made for a television series, because the episodes are serialized and we love them so much. but this show is, first and foremost, a group of friends playing a game together, and not a carefully constructed narrative with the primary goal of entertaining an audience. the audience always has been and, frankly, always should be second to the wishes and fun of the people around that table. matt would not have asked aabria to step in and dm a crown keepers side arc if he didn't think it was a good decision for him and his players, and that priority is the correct one. we are being invited in to watch these friends have fun together, and that's a privilege that we're super lucky to have. as long as the cr story isn't doing things that are outright abusive or harmful to the cast or the audience, i don't think we should begrudge them the choices they make in the name of their own game.

again, it's okay if you're not vibing with the crown keepers! i didn't love the aeor arc of c2! not everything is for everyone! but i think accusing matt and the cast of narrative malfeasance is a bit much when, tbqh, they don't answer to us. they answer to each other.

[yumantimatter]

Death-Neutral Antideathism

[epistemic status: a statement of personal philosophy. questions and responses welcome, but please argue the tractability of ending death with people who are more invested in it as a goal than I am]

I'm pretty normie for an anti-death transhumanist. I haven't signed up for cryonics and don't plan to unless it gets way cheaper and better, I donate neartermist, I have pierced ears and zero other body mods, etc etc.

I still consider myself a part of the movement, because it's straightforward and obvious to me that if people don't want to die they shouldn't have to, and if they want to change their bodies and minds they should get to.

Personally I'm fine with dying someday. I think I am going to grow up into an old person who has had plenty of experiences and is comfortable with not having many more of them. If I found out today that I had a terminal illness, I would rather spend my time and money on fulfilling my bucket list and leaving my loved ones good memories (and donate the rest) than in the hospital desperately trying out low-probability treatments. (See my opinion on cryo)

(Then again, I certainly wouldn't turn down a miracle cure! Or a known, tested treatment with a decent chance of getting me through! Or something that was unlikely to work but low financial and opportunity cost to try! This is also the same as my opinion on cryo)

I don't view death as bad inherently. It's just a change of state, if one that's uniquely impactful in its irreversibility and all-encompassing scope. I don't agree that people dying is always a great screaming moral emergency, that death is a yawning horror for anyone who looks at it clearly, or that we are all fooling ourselves. For me, the way modern culture treats death is actually a pretty good match to how I feel about dying.

But, um, *gestures at anti-deathists more broadly* *gestures at all the people who do try any possible treatment for their terminal illness* *gestures at the instinctive struggle for self preservation when it would be so much less effort to stop* It sure seems like there's a lot of not wanting to die going around! And it sure seems like a horrible idea to just ignore that!

People who make peace with their eventual death even though they'd prefer to live longer are fine, and not making a mistake. People who make a thought-out choice to die or to risk their lives for other goals are fine, and not making a mistake. And people who desperately want to live, who cling on to cryo and fund anti-aging and search for any possible means of continuing on, are also fine and not making a mistake.

I think death is bad for the many many many people who want to continue living, or decide to live, or endorse being alive, and who die anyway. A natural death after a long fulfilling life isn't an exception to that. This is the part where I do wholeheartedly agree with the standard anti-death talking points, and want them to become more mainstream. That competing perspective which validates the desire to not die, and which spurs people into looking for ways to do something about it, is vitally important for the sake of people who don't work like me.

Maybe this is just a long winded way of saying I'm a preference utilitarian (ish) who takes weird and hard-to-fulfill preferences seriously? If so, I'm happy to take up that flag. Weird-preference-fulfillmentism all the way!

(I haven't even brought up the transhumanism, which I support on the same lines - I don't think my position there is particularly unusual in these parts though, seeing as this is the transgender website.)

For now, I am in coalition with the anti-deathists. And I will keep being in coalition with them, until and unless the world shifts far enough to count my viewpoint as neutral.

[genderkoolaid]

okay, so, i keep seeing this take come up a lot from non-trans men and non-trans mascs, and it’s making me a bit uncomfortable. for background, i’m a trans man that writes smut for trans mascs, trans men, and non-binary folks. i write in fandom spaces so this is a strictly fandom basis and not irl basis

more and more often i keep seeing non trans men and non trans mascs saying “if you think mpreg is gross you’re just transphobic” without nuance and when i explain “hey, this maybe isn’t a good take to have since there’s a LOT of reasons people may be grossed out by mpreg (eg. dysphoria, how heavily fetishized it is in fandom spaces by non-trans writers, how it’s used to fetishize trans m characters, the person grossed out may be a closeted trans man or trans masc or don’t realize that the “gross” feeling is dysphoria, etc.)”, i get shouted down and told that i’m wrong. and it’s kind of making me question my own line of thinking.

i guess, i’m just looking for some perspective from trans men and trans mascs on this topic? if there is any? bc i honestly can’t tell if i’m having a knee jerk reaction to my own personal experiences with fetishization. idk if you do much with fandom spaces, but i also don’t really know where else to get perspective

I think there's an important difference between different interpretations of "finding mpreg gross." One interpretation is male pregnancy being a squick for people as individuals for a variety of reasons, such as dysphoria. But in the context of systemic transandrophobia, "gross" is describing the idea that male pregnancy is an obscene, disturbing fetish akin to guro, something that is objectively abnormal and inappropriate.

The reason why "mpreg is gross" is transphobic is because its based in the idea that a pregnant man is unnatural and wrong, and that pregnant men can only exist as a "fucked up" sexual fetish. People are incapable of being normal about male pregnancy in any context and will compulsively go "EWW mpreg is so weird and fucked up!!! is this omegaverse!!!" even when talking about real men's experiences or desires. Male pregnancy is seen as a joke, a kink, or a crime against nature, but never something normal, natural, neutral.

Feeling dysphoria around pregnancy for yourself isn't transphobic, and people can write/depict male pregnancy in ways that are uncomfortable. Personally, I don't like how a lot of people's first thought when it comes to male pregnancy is cis men getting pregnant, with trans men- men who can and do actually get pregnant- are an afterthought. Its annoying to see posts joking about "getting a man pregnant" where people immediately jump to "cis male mpreg," distancing transmascs from our own bodies' abilities & replacing us in the cultural mind with cis men. I don't think cis male mpreg is inherently bad, but there are valid criticisms to be made.

And while you are just talking about fandom stuff, I don't think we should entirely separate this from the wider treatment of pregnant men- who are constantly dehumanized irl, treated like walking freaks (I was just reading an article the other day where a trans father talked about being called "it" throughout his pregnancy, and this is not uncommon), and having their gender validity heavily scrutinized for using their "female anatomy" even though they "want to be a man," sometimes even from other trans people. The way mpreg is treated in fandom spaces does very little to counter this narrative- if anything, in my experience, it just adds that "dirty" connotation, where pregnant men aren't just freaks, their pregnancy must be inherently sexual and should be kept out of public spaces. And this really does not help the idea that trans people are groomers who shouldn't be around children- I have also seen transphobes fearmonger about transmasc fathers & their children & whether or not the children will be safe, or be able to grow up properly, or if they'll be traumatized because of their father.

This is all to say: I don't know exactly the contexts you've heard "saying mpreg is gross is transphobic" in, but to me, arguing against "mpreg = gross" is a necessary part of dealing with the objectifying & dehumanizing way we see male pregnancy discussed in fandom spaces. Male pregnancy should be just the same as female pregnancy. Its normal, its natural. Some people have fetishes relating to it. Some people are really disturbed by the idea of it happening to them. & while there are unique brands of misogyny directed at pregnant women, the image of a pregnant woman isn't treated like something inherently dirty and obscene the same way a pregnant man is. People finding male pregnancy strange or gross- not because of dysphoria or personal preference, but out of transandrophobia- is the status quo right now, and its important to counteract this by normalizing male pregnancy as A Thing Some Men Do.