#like i never really questioned myself in terms of people bullying me

[uraandri]

sometimes i think about the first moment i became aware that even people who liked me found me odd. i remember my friend asking me what i was constantly reading on my brand new smartphone and when i showed her i finally made it to the end of a mycity military thread on english longbows she just made a what the fuck face and i had to go sit alone for a while

[m1ssunderstanding]

Understanding Lennon McCartney Rewatch Part 1.3

Okay can anyone explain the “false hotel registration” thing to me? Does it mean they registered under a false name? So Paul registered under a false name so he could go fuck a girl in his room without getting in trouble with the press? I'm confused. Didn't they bring girls to their rooms all the time without getting in trouble? It doesn't make sense. Why did he feel the need to register under a different name?

Paul, talking about American conservatism, “So many organizations over here that are nuts anyway.” John, “Yeah, they're so far right they just–” tape ends. They really were brave, though. To say what they thought and risk losing what they'd only just got. I wonder who cut the recording. 

Journalist: Paul, are you planning to marry Jane Asher? John: scream ‘no.’ Go on. Lol John certainly says what he feels doesn't he?

Paul making fun of the racist question. Good job bud. 

The whole “Yesterday” thing is crazy. Like, what a feat, first of all. I think we forget how unbelievably successful the song was.

Second of all, I know John's reaction was childish and mean, but his feelings were valid if you just look at the treatment and reception of “Ticket to Ride”  (John's dead mum song). Like objectively yesterday is a better song, but still.

Oh, John. Poor thing. 

If “Girl” is secretly about Paul . . . yeesh. It's so obsessive and adoring and simultaneously so disappointed and disparaging. John always has such impossible standards for Paul. “She promises the earth to me and I believe her, after all this time I don't know why.” Um… maybe because he literally did give you the world? At so many points I find myself asking, “what more could Paul possibly have given John?”

People always take this quote as a sexuality thing, but couldn't it also be a conscience thing? Revulsion at taking advantage of the fact that all these women are fans? At the scale of his infidelity? I don't know, am I giving him too much credit?

The thing about Paul, John – and though it drives you insane, it's a big factor in why you love him -- is he's not going to be bullied into anything. If he decides to take LSD it's going to be on his own terms. And I know you think it'll bring you two closer, and you're right, but peer pressure just doesn't work on him. There's no point. You know that.

I LOVE Paul and the Indica. Designing the wrapping paper in secret up in his little attic room, covering over the shop windows so he can do his handyman work building shelves and painting in peace. It's Linda's Paul pre Linda, you know?

John is so good at PR as in making something sound as beautiful and important and powerful as possible. Which is something Paul absolutely relied on John to do and clearly could not do on his own after the break up. Look how John makes them almost into prophets here.

"I really wanted to live in London but I wouldn't risk it." Another thing to make John envious of Paul and resentful of Cynthia. I really wish those two had just never got married. 

“I don't object to people having a lot of money, I never did. But I do object to people being stony broke and starving.” RIP John, you would've loved the American “left” of today. But you can't have the former without the latter, sorry.

This picture always gets me. It's ridiculous. Pattie and George. Mo and Ringo. John and Paul. With Cynthia awkwardly by herself. It's funny. It's adorable. It's crushing. And with that quote? It's impossible.

I think Tara Browne is overlooked. Paul brought him home for Christmas. That's a big deal. And John hated him enough to laugh when he read about his death. That's also a big deal. Paul and his messed up social climbing obsession. I do think it's worth pointing out, though, the difference between Paul’s LSD trip with Tara and his trip with John. More on that later.

I really do think they were all staunchly anti-racist for their time, you know, besides John's racist jokes and drawings… but Paul particularly. And I have to wonder where that came from. Did he have empathy for people being judged on appearance and background? Was it partially due to his idolization of black artists? Did Little Richard maybe say something to him about racism in America? Anyone have any thoughts?

Actually, same, John. 

Okay and I have to share my hot take on the whole Jesus scandal. It's this: the American right doesn't actually care about Jesus. They care about protecting their hegemony. They didn't like that the Beatles were openly and stubbornly integrationist. They didn't like Paul's comment about their inhumane racism. But they couldn't openly counter that without showing their hand. So they used the Jesus comment as an excuse. If they play the religious persecution card, they get to paint themselves as the victims and therefore the good guys while they take down anyone who challenges the status quo that keeps them in money and power (aka the Beatles). 

Maybe I should've had a “poor baby” tally because the number of times I've said that about John in these comments has got to be tally-worthy. I would've driven around in a gorilla suit with you, honey!

It is actually amazing that there hasn't been more speculation on Paul's sexuality with all these serious boyfriends. 

Paul tells a story about a time he flew a plane, and how much better he liked it than being a passenger. First off. Imagine being a pilot and just being like “oh, you've never touched a joystick in your life, but you're Paul McCartney? Sure, go ahead. Fly the plane.” But also. His control issues and his confidence are both off unreal. No one in their right mind would feel more safe flying a plane – as someone with a complete lack of experience – than when a licensed pilot is flying it. 

Okay I literally JUST learned that Here There and Everywhere says, “how good it can be” not could. Can. And it's one of those in my "for sure this was about John" folder. Okay then. Wow.

The thing is they really did compliment each other's songs a lot more than modern Paul makes it seem like. So I wonder what it was about the “Here There and Everywhere” compliment that made it so special to Paul?

This footage where John is hiding behind McCharmley. I love protective Paul and how different he is to protective John and how much they needed each other. 

Hall of Fame quote: “what composer do you respect the most?” “I dunno really. John Lennon.” “Paul McCartney.”

[lumea-art]

Hey, guys! I'd like to address a personal issue which actually concerns everyone in this fandom. Please, read and react somehow🙏 For those on the bojere fanbook server, that's going to be pretty much the same as what you read yesterday. If I'm too direct or accidentally overshare, sorry, keep in mind that I'm autistic

So for quite a long time I felt secretly disliked in the fandom. I am a very anxious person, I hang on every piece of feedback that I get so it bothered me a lot. I wasn't allowed to participate in the Käärijä zine and they never explained why and I almost didn't get in the bojere fanbook as well but at least the mods were kind enough to communicate the issue

So the mods told me yesterday that people felt uncomfortable about me taking part in this and having me on the server. I felt very down the whole day and didn't understand shit until Moko and Due gave me the explanation. The issue was "radfem" in my bio on Twitter. They explained to me how my associating with radfem made them think I was potentially threatening to other people on the server, especially the queer folk. But the thing is I turned out to be quite different. I consider myself to be radfem cause I've had a lot of traumatic experience with men (SA, abusive relationship), I don't want any other women to go through something like I had to experience, I am with women, I'm fighting for our comfort and against the patriarchy. Also I am from Kazakhstan and we have big issues with women's rights here including all kinds of abuse and femicide for which men tend to not get in jail. You might have heard how our ex minister of Economics abused and k*lled his wife and didn't get in jail until the case reached the news. That's all, that's what it means TO ME to be radfem. So I guess this radfem is different to the one you're used to. I am not transphobic and I have never thought my views had anything to do with queer people. I have always been nothing but respectful towards queer people, online or irl. I have nonbinary friends who are comfortable with communicating with me. As a cis person, I may not understand something, but we tend to talk anything through in order to understand each other better, not waiting for any of us get hurt accidentally. So I suggest the same - if you need further clarification, you can ask me questions in reblog or dms and I'll answer. Also I'm open to literature suggestions to get to understand you guys better💕

Also regarding Russian-Ukranian issue in case anyone has a problem with it

Since I'm openly Russian speaking (though being from Kazakhstan and half Ukrainian myself), Ukrainians might have an issue with me and I perfectly understand why so I try not to bother them. However, some of them didn't want to leave me and my friends alone. You might have seen this big Russian-Ukranian fight on twitter in April, mostly taking place in JO fandom. The thing is that (again) people don't dig deep and assume I am pro Russian since I speak Russian and happen to not be able to speak Ukrainian or Kazakh (in Kazakhstan we mostly speak Russian). Me and my Russian speaking friends were bullied, our personal info was leaked without our permission and one of us got threatened to be physically hurt once she arrives to a JO gig we are all going to. Of course I protected my friends and myself, maybe not in the best way possible. Luckily, we were able to talk everything through with the guys and no one means to hurt anyone anymore. I suggested doing commissions for donations and I still do that if you're interested. I am pro Ukrainian and pro Palestinian and genocides suck

If someone doesn't want to communicate with me for whatever reason, just don't, what's the problem. But don't limit a person before clarifying things, I beg you. Please, I really want to be on good terms with everyone. I wish peace to everyone 🙏

[yakool-foolio]

gundham for the ask game?? i lov him

GUNDHAM GODDAMN TANAKA MY FIRST LOVE IN DANGANRONPA

Favorite thing about him: His dialect is sososo fun and interesting to analyze. I think he's the main reason I became so obsessed with analyzing and making up my own canon compliant dialect for Vivia. Gundham sparked that fire of dissecting metaphors n analogies and translating them to better understand his behavior and how he conveys his thoughts and feelings through speech. It's incredibly entertaining to write for him, so much so that about two years ago I made my own ask blog for him being in Dead By Daylight's universe. Gotta combine the brainrots of the time somehow.

Least favorite thing about him: Out of all the members of the Ultimate Despair, Gundham feels the least likely to ever end up on their side. It has just never sat right with me that he would fall into despair that easily in the anime, especially since he fought so hard against it in the game. I understand that Chiaki meant a lot to her classmates, but her death doesn't feel like the straw that should break the camel's back for Gundham, notably because he's the one who will literally fight to the death to revive everyone else's morale. The anime is a guilty pleasure of mine, but I refuse to believe that he'd give in to despair that easy. I like his Ultimate Despair design though, it's rad. Too bad we only get to see it once.

Favorite line: He has soooooooooo many iconic and fantastic lines it's not fair to choose one, but I will restrain myself just this once. "Because I, the one who has claimed dominion over evil, am the Ultimate Weapon! I am he who cuts the insolent catalyst which flows out from the chaos with the sword of victory… It's only fitting that I deserve to be called the Ultimate Weapon…!" The fact that he called himself the Ultimate Weapon because he utilized the funhouse's secret after he discovered it in order to kill Nekomaru HURTS REAL BAD. He planted hints to him being the culprit throughout the entire trial because it was never his intent to get away with his murder at all, especially since he fully expected to be the victim himself. He and Nekomaru sacrificed themselves so that the others could live on. I cry.

BROTP: Gundham and Gonta are such a sweet duo in UTDP and Summer, they deserve so many more interactions. They get to exchange their love of all different types of animals with each other until they're walking National Geographic magazines.

OTP: SONDAM! They match each other's dorkiness to a T. Autumn is their season and nobody can take it away from them. Horror movie dates are always a pleasure. They're obnoxious talkers in the theaters, but I'd let them ramble to their heart's content.

NOTP: I'm the type of person who's chill with a lotta different pairings if the shipper(s) make it work. However, one pair I can never imagine being romantically involved is Gundham and Hiyoko. He doesn't give two shits about her bullying him for his eccentrics, but he definitely greatly disapproves of her abuse toward animals. She's trying to better herself post-game, but it'll definitely take a while for her misdeeds to be forgiven by Gundham and they can work toward being on friendly terms.

Random headcanon: Due to isolating himself from others, Gundham never really took the time to question his romantic orientation. That is, until he was accepted into Hope's Peak Academy and was surrounded by other students. He swiftly came to terms with his romantics towards certain people, as sparse as he shows it. Nekomaru and Sonia definitely pushed those unknown feelings into deeper consideration, as he admittedly crushed on both of them at some point and has ultimately fallen for Sonia. He fights with himself every now and then over his feelings, but overall he views his orientation as simply natural, unchanged by time. In regards to his asexuality, he occasionally makes comments to conceal his distaste for raunchy things and attempt to fit in, pushed into doing so by his insecurities, but he recognizes its his true nature to abstain from such desires. Intimacy is romantic for him, and that's all that it has to be for him to be happy.

Unpopular opinion: I have no idea if any of my thoughts could really be classified as unpopular, but I'll toss something unusual out. Connecting to what I've stated earlier, I wish Gundham was shown fighting back more against the brainwashing in the anime. If they had the time, it'd be interesting to see the absolute extremes Junko would have to go through to crush Gundham's unwavering spirit. We could get real dark by having his mom killed in front of him. This forces him to accept that without her, only nature is on his side now, as humanity is beyond saving and what he's committing as an Ultimate Despair is a mercy killing.

Song(s) I associate with him: Kyrie by Mr. Mister cause the angelic imagery makes me sob profusely aughhhh... Eighth Wonder by Lemon Demon and When You Die by MGMT are runner-ups!

Favorite picture of him: This art piece I was gifted as part of a Silent Hill Tumblr Mutuals discord server's Secret Santa, featuring Gundham n Carmina/The Artist from Dead By Daylight, who I made ask blogs for and so deeply love imagining being the bestest of buds!

[zsakuva]

saku! i have two questions:)

i’m p sure mentioned your favorite book was lotr, but do you have any other recommendations? oh or maybe an anime/manga you really like? anything is fine hehe

my second one is, what inspires you to write? i’m sure it’s something you’ve been doing for a long time, but in general, it seems like whether it’s through your videos or your degree, you’re always trying to tell some sort of story? it’s amazing to me how you treat your characters as real people, if that makes sense? it’s almost like you’ve met them and they’re not just words on paper. i know a couple of artists treat their characters/work as such, but i’ve never really seen it like i have with you. i’m just a bit curious about what exactly makes you tick? please ignore this ask if it’s too personal haha i’m just genuinely interested:)

have a good day with many crumpets, tea, and cat cuddles!!!!

My favourite film trilogy is LotR, but I don't read! I'm in the middle of reading The Fellowship of the Ring, but reading makes me tired so I seldom do it! Unfortunately, that means I can't recommend any books or manga, and I haven't watched anime in a long time either~

Everything inspires me to write! It's a way of escapism for me, and for as long as I can remember, I've loved creating fictional stories. Characters themselves are the vessels in which the story is being told, and they drive everything. There is so much in a life that occurs which defines one's sense of self, and it's ever-changing. I love exploring internal conflicts, the tug-of-war over nature vs nurture, and the long-lasting effects many of us carry.

Almost all of the characters I've made have attributes of someone I know, a fictional person, or myself. It's also through this medium where I can test decisions some people might make in intense situations. A prime example would be Isaac Rhoades, a man traumatised by a past that dictates his every decision until he learns how to loosen the reins--if only by a little. The listener challenges his beliefs while also providing him a way to confront what it means to love, to trust, and to hope.

Another would be Alex (a taboo name for many of you, I know haha). The events of his past fuel his insecurities of the present, and that powers his decisions for the future. A lot of my characters act this way because I believe many of us are the same. His listener is no different. One has dealt with their trauma in one way, the other in another way, and then they clash. Sometimes, it's easy to put the pieces together, but not always. And that's why I like to base actions on character because humans themselves are contradictive, stubborn, and in many cases, illogical.

Then, there are other characters who I use to explore certain themes, such as Niall. His story is heart-breaking yet relatable; I wanted to delve more into his self-perception which was crafted by bullying and homophobia, and how he could possibly shift towards a positive direction.

Audio roleplays are great for my creativity, but they only scratch the surface in terms of how I would normally develop characters and their potential arcs. Novel formats are more my forte, but I do enjoy the platform that I have to fan the flame of angst, fluff, and everything in between!

[azrielgreen]

I just came from your tik tok about ao3 etiquette and enjoyed your commentary about kink shaming and rating systems and why it’s not a good thing for fandom. How it drives creators away or forces them to delete work because they don’t want to be judged and witch hunted… Thank you for using your platform to bring attention to those matters. 💚

I was wondering what your take is on another fandom matter: comments people leave that sort of perpetuate a fandom hierarchy and dig at other writers to lift other writers up. Like “this creator carries the fandom on their back” or “you’ve ruined me for all other writers”. Stuff like that. I’ve seen it across multiple fandoms and always felt a little stung by it because what it says to me is that everybody’s work in fandom as a collective isn’t appreciated. I feel comments like those turn fandom into a popularity contest where select writers are skyrocketed to fame and small time creators are drowned out. I’m not sure if that’s just me taking it personally, or if those comments are actually rude.

Obviously I’m not unaware that you’re popular and rightfully so. I’m not trying to come off as bitter, or guilt trip you for your success. I apologize for my question if it seems this way. I tried to word it carefully, but I’m not sure if i communicated my thoughts accurately.

I know you’ve been part of smaller fandoms/ships before and often orphan your work, etc. because you write for yourself, and you never expected to blow up. So I guess I’m just curious to know your perspective since you know both sides of being smalltime and being famous, and if your standing in the Steddie fandom has changed anything for you or given you a new outlook. If it’s a lot of pressure to be so looked up to. If you ever miss being more of an unknown creator so it could give you more freedom. If it ever makes you feel uncomfortable to be popular.

Thank you in advance if you respond to this. I know it’s an odd message. 💚💚

Hi, firstly thank for you this question. It's a really important one actually and being mindful of the fandom in which we share space/interact with one another is, in my opinion, essential.

So, looking at your question - the elevation of one author above others in terms of praise - it's definitely not ideal language being used in the examples you gave and there is always, I think, a way we can express ourselves with total authenticity and honesty, but also not stepping on people. Now, this is not saying that anyone who comments things like that IS stepping on anyone and I have to be clear that 99.9% of all my positive fandom interactions here have been expressed beautifully.

However, our language can always be shifted to something more inclusive. Because ultimately, this fandom is MASSIVE and there are a stunning amount of beautiful, meaningful works that due to its size don't get anywhere near the recognition by comparison that they deserve. No single creator carries anything on their backs, a fandom is a community and it should be a mutually beneficial/supportive one.

In terms of a popularity content, I think that happens in all large fandom spaces to a certain degree. This phenomenon has both positives and negatives, but overall, I try to stay out of the "contest" as much as possible. Cliques are deeply unappealing to me and having been bullied out of several fandoms in the past, I can confidently say I would never want to be in one. I have good friends, writers and readers alike, in this fandom and I dare believe that no one I am close friends with would ever treat people poorly.

In terms of my own experience, I do still regularly orphan works. Orphaning my work keeps me humble to a degree and I love creating just for sake of it, with no audience in mind. I personally don't feel any pressure to be looked up to as I will always write for myself, even on main, and if people don't like it, there are 16k other fics out there to read (and counting). It does make a little uncomfortable to be considered popular, or well known more accurately. It's strange to scroll Twitter (something I rarely do these days) and see my name and my fic being very casually discussed. Sometimes good, sometimes bad. I miss feeling invisible, that's true, but it'll never stop me from writing what I want and whoever enjoys it along the way, that's a wonderful added bonus.

In terms of "fandom heirarchy" - a strange system that mostly operates on word of mouth, sometimes the hits/kudos numbers on AO3 - I think it's important to remember that a lot of the reason behind this structure is that some of us were the first people writing Steddie back in June 2022 and so those numbers/familiarity are naturally inflated due to legacy. I definitely always try to keep that in mind and I will gas ANYONE up whose work I love, always, while trying to pay tribute to all authors and creators in this space however I can.

I have to say I do dislike the elevation of one author above others on general principal and I see people getting competitive, hostile and even sometimes resorting to bullying. The SteddieBigBang Discord server disaster (which I heard about from my friend) is a solid example of that and an excellent reminder of why I value my space and autonomy so dearly.

Operating in this fandom has absolutely opened my eyes to the pitfalls of such mainstream interaction but it's also allowed me to reach such a wide audience of people who've shared with me their own experiences, which I treasure. I've healed a lot of my own personal trauma in writing what I have and I'm incredibly grateful to have a place here. I will always advocate to elevate all authors within the fandom because everyone's work is important, beautiful and essential. I will always defend everyone's right to consume and create whatever they want in a safe, encouraging space.

I make new discoveries every day based off my own searches for content and gently advise others to do the same, rather than only ever relying on rec lists and "algorithm" style suggestions. If I published You're Divine today, out of nowhere, I doubt it would find any traction beyond the few people (like me) who tag-search for the very specific things they like.

Thank you for this question and for taking the time to relate your thoughts so the way you did. I appreciate you. 💜💜💜

[strawberryspence]

Because I hate myself I kept thinking of sad Steddie things.

So, after everything with Vecna, Steve asks Eddie out. He's come to terms with the fact he is bi and stupid in love with Eddie. Like Steve fell hard and he fell fast so once Eddie is recovered and up and about, Steve asks. It's a lazy warm evening, they are hanging out sharing a joint. It's a peaceful moment and Steve turns to face Eddie and gives him this soft smile. "Go out with me?"

It takes Eddie a moment to process the question but his gut reaction isn't the one Steve is hoping for. Instead Eddie laughs "are you crazy?" Despite everything, Eddie still has some hang ups about ol' King Steve. "Do you have any idea how miserable your little posse made me in high school? The things they said to me about dating guys? Fuck no."

And wow that sobers him up real quick and cuts him to his core. Despite everything that they had gone through Eddie doesn't trust him and Steve doesn't blame him. Steve never partook in Eddie's bullying but he didn't stop it but he thought that maybe after Eddie seeing he had changed things would be different. But it turns out he's just the same asshole he was before. "Right. Right. I-" he stumbles over words because what was he thinking. "For what it's worth, I'm sorry. " And then he leaves. He just packs up his stuff and drives back to his empty home to crawl into his bed and he thinks of all the people he loved that he hurt. Nancy comes to mind and yeah, she is right. Everything he is, is bullshit. And so starts the song and dance of avoiding Eddie. He doesn't sit close to Eddie anymore, doesn't braid his hair, doesn't encroach on his space, doesn't draw attention Eddie's attention to him. But that doesn't stop him from pining and doing things on his own. He'll gather little rocks that he thinks Eddie would like, or stops and buys a little knick knack that he knows would make the other laugh, writes little notes to him: Your hair looks nice today. Or I hope your day goes well. But especially I love you.

But

Eddie never sees them. They all go in a little wooden box that gets shoved under his bed. Steve knows it's not healthy but it's really hard for him to let this go because it's hard to fall out of love. Especially since falling in love was the only thing that felt right in his life, didn't make him feel so alone, it didn't make that void in his chest so cold.

Steve masks really well. The kids don't know, Nancy doesn't know. Even Robin doesn't know, at least Steve doesn't think she does. And after a while of masking, it becomes really easy to believe his lie that he is okay. It becomes easier to come to terms with the fact that he's always going to be an asshole and it becomes easier to realize he doesn't deserve love. That doesn't stop him from crying at night, curled up in bed when noone can see his mask crumble.

And he'll get up in the morning, pretend that his feelings for Eddie aren't there, put his patchwork mask back on and try to make it through another day.

i have to admit this was sitting on my inbox for about 4 days because i had no idea what to say. i read this the first time and i immediately teared up. 😭

i dont have anything to add, not when you've sent me a masterpiece that had me crying.

one thing tho: eddie munson if i see you on the streets, its on SIGHT. FISTS UP WE'RE GOING TO BRAWL. 🥊

[leofrith]

in the mood for violence: 5 and 6?

5. worst discord server and why

in terms of servers i've actually been active in, it's gotta be the acc*ss the an*mus server. i'm sure it's still leagues better than the official ac server, which i daren't enter for anything other than checking what's in reda's item shop for the day. but i've found from personal experience (and that of some friends) that almost every big fan community for this fucking franchise will claim to be Not Like Other Girls (of the bigoted, gatekeepy, gamergate variety) before turning a blind eye to bullying, harassment, and bigotry within their own community. ata was no different, and while i did have some constructive conversations with people in there, the nastiness of some of the server members in there which went entirely unchecked made it not worth it. also, people will complain all day long about the stupid little problems they have with gameplay mechanics, etc. but the second you try to have a constructive discussion about ubisoft's many, many problems as a company, everyone is suddenly a ubisoft shill. 💀

6. which ship fans are the most annoying?

randivor shippers. 🧍🏻‍♀️ i say this as a (now, only occasional, due to exactly this kind of bullshit) randivor shipper myself, and this is only regarding the specific brand of fan that insists randivor is indisputably canon and then jumps down your throat for so much as implying otherwise. if that description doesn't sound like you, then congratulations! this isn't about you! if anything i'm about to say feels like a personal attack, then perhaps you should take a look inward instead of making it my fucking problem. i did already talk about this a bit here for a completely separate question because i got ahead of myself, but i totally understand the desire, especially for lesbians, for spaces that are entirely free of men. i do truly get it! but i'm sure you can also understand why the constant comments implying or just straight up saying that eivor "ending up" in a relationship with a man is the worst thing that could ever happen might make me, a bisexual woman who sees eivor as bisexual, feel uncomfortable and unwelcome. that's not even mentioning the straight up biphobia. there is a not insignificant number of randivor shippers who seem to think they're doing activism by calling anyone who ships eivor with men lesbophobic or misogynistic—eivor, the rpg character who can romance people of any gender for a reason. this behaviour, in my own experience, is enough of a pattern that any content i was working on for the ship is pretty much dead in the water at this point. i personally don't really feel like occupying space in a fandom where i've been blocked by a number of people who i've never directly interacted with, for no apparent reason other than the fact that i sometimes put eivor in "straight" relationships (that is something bisexual people do on occasion, btw. so so sorry about that. i've tried to grow past my manfucker tendencies but it just isn't working 😔) tldr: it's not fucking hard to have your lesbian headcanons while also being normal about bisexual people. take my hand. let me show you the way.

send me a number!

[purplesurveys]

1898

Do you ever wonder how Atheist people raise their kids? I do. There's admittedly some envy in there somewhere lol, but it's mostly intrigue about what the dynamics at home must be like. I live in an overwhelmingly Christian population where every single aspect of life is influenced by religion; so considering I've identified myself as atheist in a place where it's virtually nonexistent, it's something I find myself thinking about once in a while.

If you’re atheist, would you raise you kids believing in God or not? Absolutely not. They can explore, ask questions, even pick a faith to go by if they want to; but I will not be the first one to tell them anything about gods.

How long does it usually take you to finish answering a survey? Usually anywhere from 40 minutes to one hour, depending on the length or how fast I can think of my answers.

Do you spell it gray or grey? Gray.

If you make surveys, how do you decide about its title? I don't make them. I'm terrible at coming up with questions.

When are you going back to school? I don't need to; I graduated four years ago.

If you don’t go to school anymore, what do you do? I work in public relations; agency side.

Do you care about other people’s status messages? Like on Facebook? Sure. It's always nice to know what people are up to, the new places they've been traveling to or the life goals they've been reaching. The only theme I don't particularly like encountering are warfreak posts? like when they still subtweet (idk the equivalent term on Facebook haha). Come on sis we're in our mid 20s.

Do you like reading self help books? No.

What is your opinion on sex change? Your body, your choice. Glad to see there's been more opportunities to let this happen for those who need it.

Do you think that this will take away the essence of gay pride? ...What?

What do you do when you tell a really bad joke? I let it eat me up anywhere between 3 to 7 days, lol.

If you’re still a virgin, how important is your virginity to you? Not much, it's never mattered to me. I gave it up when I was 18 and never thought twice about it before or after.

If you have lost it already, do you regret it? No.

Do you believe in marriage? Why or why not? I believe in it, I don't believe it's a life requirement.

Do you like having a huge group of friends or would you rather have few close friends? Few close friends. The older I get, the more I enjoy my own company. That said I only let very few people in my circle now.

Do you have any goals for this summer? If so, what are they? Summer's over, but I didn't set goals. I did travel abroad, which wasn't something I specifically set out to do but was still nice to have done.

Or do you plan on getting a summer job? Or do you already have one? I've had a job the last four years.

If so, where do you work and what do you do? I work in a PR agency, doing PR work for consumer brands. Some of them you definitely know about and consume; some of them more up-and-coming and aptly needing the help.

Do you watch the TV show Skins? If so, who’s your favorite character? Never watched it.

And which generation do you prefer? Or do you equally love both?

Do you know someone who still typpe thiszz wayy? No.

Would you take a break after graduating from high school (like, postpone going to college for a year or so)? I didn't do that. Where I'm from, a gap year is just for the super rich who have safety nets no matter what they do or pursue, so...ew. Most need to fight to live.

Do you feel tired after stretching? No, it feels nice.

Can you get a strike at bowling? Only on Wii Sports, haha.

Do you use Facebook? If so, what is your favorite application there? Yes, but apps stopped being trendy there yearsssss ago.

It seems like everyone’s addicted to Twitter these days - are you? I fucking hate Twitter. I keep it to stay updated and to read translations for all BTS releases, but I stay the fuck out of any conversation. Everyone's always dragging, cancelling, bullying, shaming, discriminating someone else these days on there.

[masespace]

wednesday | 22 october

anyone else have a twin sister go on what has to be a fake date with the guy they were just seeing? nope… just me… that’s what i thought.

in other news i left the cheerios. this was harder than leaving the new directions. probably because it was at least successful for me and i’ve been cheering since before i could walk. i don’t have any conscious memories that don’t involve cheering in some way? whether it’s camps before i was really old enough to handle sleep away camps. or learning all the best way to keep my shoes white… i can even remember the routine sue made us do at tryouts freshman year. i think it’s easier to excuse what she does because she gets results. if schue’s lessons were traumatizing and i needed to step back it only felt like i was lying to myself by sticking around. i didn’t think i’d have the balls to do it though. even walking into sue’s office in regular clothes i though she’d look at me and i’d make up some excuse. it’s silly that this is the bravest thing i’ve ever done, but it definitely feels like it.

of course it blew up in my face. the part about trying to figure out who you are is the questioning. i get that i’ve been quitting a lot lately but is that some mystery cry for help? i didn’t think that it would be so apparently this is just added to the list of things i did wrong.

mads i should have expected… that was a given. not that i was exactly in any mood to talk with her about it. maybe it’s petty… not maybe, it definitely was… and at some point i’ll have to own up to that… but it feels like i’m supposed to be the bigger person

even addie was pressed… which yeah, i’m sure it sucked hearing about it at practice but i don’t control how sue distributes information… and i probably owe her an apology too… even tho it’s not like she reached out when dave was in his weirdo phase with me and they're like besties… more on that in a second because it’s sort of why i should be the bigger person… i get that we were teammates and we went to breadstix last week, but she just got here and she’s acted like i dropped her during a stunt and totally wrecked our chances. the guys are great, we just did a bootcamp and didn’t really need to do any corrections… not that it matters because i’m not on the team, but they’ll be just fine without me there to do my tumbling passes.

speaking of dave… i think we’re okay? i told him we were okay… as okay as we can be given that apparently he’s been talking about me with everyone. and i said we were fine so it’s hypocritical to be mad at addie or even him because you can’t just tell people that you’ve moved on and then be petty but it’s a journal and it can’t count if no one else is ever gonna know.. right?

anyway, we’re okay… i think. mostly.

it’s just easier….

this is part of the problem maybe. i want the confrontation, but the aftermath is never fun. i don’t think that dave really meant to hurt me. we both said stuff… but it’s a high school relationship, y’know?

was a high school relationship.

i don’t think we’ll ever get back to the way we were, but keeping the peace feels like what you’re supposed to do. it’s what i want to do. at least for now. i’m pretty sure that he’s still hung up on me? i’ve been trying to make it clear that us being on speaking terms doesn’t mean we’ll be on kissing terms. i genuinely don’t think he’s a bad guy… at least for the stuff he did to me. maybe it’s just easier to think that he’s not malicious enough for that. i know he was a bully before, but i also know he doesn’t want to be that way now. you can’t change over night and extending grace is the right thing, right? 

i know sometimes that can’t be possible in every situation, but i think it could be now. i’ve already said it could be, so there’s no taking it back. and my eyes are open now. 

being out with dave might have been the first step in really being me. not the version of me that i thought everyone wanted. everyone at school knowing that i’m some flavor of queer and a weirdo that doesn’t care if boyfriend has other partners was freeing in a way that’s hard to put back in a bottle. maybe too freeing… but i also know what it’s like to hurt in a way that i didn’t before. so it wasn’t all bad? if i learned something? 

things aren’t entirely hopeless. freddie hasn’t given up on me. and i told him i’d be the hockey team manager so maybe i’ll have something else to do in my free time other than annoy spencer every morning. i don’t know if the team even needs a manager person, i’ll need to talk to adrián about that when it’s a more reasonable hour, i’m sure he’s still celebrating his birthday anyway and we aren’t close enough to slide into his dms this late and not have it be weird…

though with me i think things turning weird is almost inevitable. i can’t call myself cursed because i’m pretty sure the universe isn’t the one setting me up. maybe it’s self sabotage…

people think that this quitting streak i’ve been on could sabotage my college chances… yale always felt like a longshot and while carnegie, nyu, and u of m have marginally better odds they could be longshots too. i don’t think we’ve sunk low enough that i won’t cut it at ohio state, but maybe that won’t happen…

i never really considered what it would mean to not go to college. i was always going to go. i was going to be a collegiate cheerleader, major in something as impractical as theatre, and then make it in new york. it’s not exactly a career path you have to have a college degree in. plenty of social media darlings have managed to get their foot in the door, but that’s not me… i would have had to have stepped up my social media game ages ago to think that could be me. at this rate i’d just be another person juggling a collection of minimum wage jobs telling myself that the next audition would be the one… praying that raw talent would edge out people that have honed their skills at some of the best programs in the country. i know from experience not to bet on that… but what if that’s all i have to bet…

it a little early to be getting this fatalistic when i still have weeks before my early decision applications are due and weeks more until i’d even find out if i could get out of ohio… it’s just that for the first time it feels like i’m confronting this distinct possibility for the first time and i don’t like the way it sounds.

maybe freddie made a good point about a life of impractical wet short contests.

i think i have to stop while i’m ahead here… i’m not going to unspiral myself while continuing down this rabbit hole and i doubt future me is going to care about any of this. going to get some sleep before i’m even crankier than usual when spencer swings by in the morning.

mm

[kuroonir]

Being in a Poly without a partner.

So in my lack of knowledge I actually don't know if this concept is a common thing within poly groups or if its more on the rare side. Either way this is my experience with accepting that I was a part of one without actually having a partner within it.

For a bit of context my experience with the group is mostly within a discord server specifically for those the owner of the server thought were close enough to be in it and their partners, solidifying the poly. Essentially it was 3 people (including me) and 3 partners making 7 in total.

For a while it was just kinda a convenient place for us to hang out but eventually the owner just outright called the server a poly which is how I ended up finding out that I was a part of it. Normally I would've been delighted to find that out! However.. I was still recovering from one of the lowest points of my life so I ended up having a small existential crisis when I found out. I was still happy of course but the crisis came from half me still being extremely hard on myself and going "I don't deserve to be a part of this group" and half genuinely being really confused with how I could be a part of a poly were no one considered me their partner.

Eventually they helped me calm down and I managed to convince myself that I was just happy about being a part of the poly. As time went on I really did accept it and was happy about it but.. another question came to my mind: "What do I meant to them?". They loved me but didn't consider me a partner so.. what was I to them? I couldn't take it anymore so I outright asked a couple of the ones I spend the most time with, the other I know what I am to her since I consider her my mother figure so at least I felt confident in that.

One of them pretty bluntly told me something along the lines of "does it really matter? is having a socially accepted term for this really that important to you?" which.. kinda upset me at the time since I didn't know the answer to either and it also didn't give me an answer to what I desperately wanted to know. The other said something along the lines of "That's a good question!" which frustrated me a little at the time but both assured me that they loved me and that was the actually important part of our relationship. They were both right to tell me those things I now think. It help me put a lot of things into perspective.

Its been a long time since I asked them this and honestly I still don't know what I mean to them. But.. honestly I don't really care anymore? Never have I felt more loved and accepted when I'm with them, they treat me with respect and see me as an equal (when they're not bullying me to oblivion anyway >>). I get to tell them how much I love them every day and they tell me how much they love me the same. Whenever I discover something new about myself they cheer me on and try to help and let me know how proud they are for figuring something like that out. They've beaten the negativity out of myself and literally pulled me out of the lowest point in my life.. I love them so much and I'm tearing up even writing this with how much they mean to me... None of them may call me their girlfriend but that doesn't matter. Genuine love can be shown without it having to be romantic and I'm lucky enough to be shown that genuine love every day. It's honestly torture having to wait for weekends to properly hang out with them all night.

My experience with being in a poly without a partner has essentially saved me and there is no way I'll ever be able to express just how grateful I am to them.

[bookishphysicsgirl]

So, story time, apparently, because my insurance hasn't come through yet which means I am yet to schedule therapy and as such am about to severely overshare and expose myself publicly on the internet for the sake of feeling a little less lonely I guess. Go grab a seat and some popcorn 'cause this one is gonna be a long one - very very long.

This is about my sexuality (aroace) and how I came to terms with it and where I am now.

TW: mentions of bullying (I guess,I don't really see it as bullying but I was told it was bullying so there), aphobia, masturbation (you have no idea how long it took me to just straight up write that word), periods, and general aro ace queer confusion.

But why not just talk to some ace people near you, if you are in such need of understanding you'd turn to strangers on the internet ? Well, there aren't that many ace or aro people around me and the few that I know are not that great to talk to, not because of their sexuality, mind you, but because they make very uncomfortable jokes and are all cis boys which normally wouldn't be a problem except that I grew up around no men and am kind of akward - especially considering I am one of the very few girls in our major, so internet strangers and possible exposure it is.

Therefore, our story begins when I was about nine and going to Adventist school - because it was cheap and the closest to my house, not because I myself was Adventist - when children started talking about dating and kissing, mostly for jokes but still sometimes seriously. When one of the girls had her period before anyone else and got caught with socks on her bra it was a pure scandal.

I couldn't understand it. I mean I understood why people would want to date and be with significant others more than the typical child that age, since I read a lot and I read anything I could get my hands on, and not always necessarily age appropriate books since adults tend to believe all books are inheritenly good for their children without checking the content.

What I couldn't understand is why would anyone be so worried about things like that so early. In all the stories I saw and the books I read the characters were at least teenagers before they started being interested. That coupled with adults around me saying repeatedly that children were being oversexualized and that it'd be better if they just focus on their studies led me to make a bet with my friends that I would never date or kiss anyone until I was sixteen. Best decision I ever made.

So as the years passed my friends and everyone else arround me started freaking out more and more about crushes and who had kissed who and when they asked me all I had to do was remind them of that bet and they'd leave it alone. Sometimes a few kids would ask me things like whether I wanted to be a nun or why was I actually trying to keep that bet, but mostly I could just completely forget about it.

However as I started getting older - at about 14 - my relatives started noticing and though at first when I told them about my no-dating-until-16 plans they thought I was very smart and concentrating on the right things soon enough I'd catch my aunt and my mom having conversations about how "something must be wrong with that kid" and "you should take her to see a doctor". My aunt suggested I might need hormone therapy.

My friends kept telling me about people who they thought had crushes on me - which usually made me panic because I didn't know how to reject anyone if they were right, kids at my school started asking me increasingly invasive and mean questions ( " have you really never kissed anyone?", "are you just in love with yourself?", "were you abused?", "are you afraid of sex?", "do you even know what a penis looks like?") and my mom kept trying to make me interested in someone.

She would try to make me look at scenes that made me uncomfortable in movies and TV, tell me stories about her sex life, show me pictures of famous people and point at random people on the street and say "aren't they cute?", anytime anyone showed even the slightest bit of interest she would practically throw me in their direction. She asked me if I wanted therapy, if I thought I needed hormonal treatments, if I was a lesbian - totally cute of her but a little off the mark - at one point she even took the whole sapiosexual thing that was going around facebook and convinced me that the reason I hadn't been interested in anyone was because I hadn't met anyone who was intellectually stimulating enough.

At about 15 she asked me if maybe I could be asexual. I think she meant it as a joke but I looked it up anyway and lo and behold there was the answer all along. I pretty much came out immediately to my family and my closest friends and was met with the usual "you'll find someone some day", "it's just a phase", "maybe you should just try it, just to check" but eventually that started to die out and they started to accept it.

I guess part of it was that they thought things would change by the time I got to college and to be honest I was still pretty unsure, but when people asked me inconvenient questions about why I never went out with anyone now I had an actual answer which, of course, led to even more invasive questions from my classmates but I tended to be pretty good at taking it in stride.

I think it was meant to be a joke of sorts, go ask uncomfortable questions to the innocent nerd and see how she squirms so we can laugh about it later, kind of how some boys will make fake crushes and pretend to ask girls they think are ugly out or keep ironically complimenting them to make fun of them, because if they believe it it's funny she was gullible and if she doesn't she can't do much because they can just say they were trying to be nice.

But I pretty much had a policy to always smile and be nice to people and answer them honestly even when you knew they were being purposefully hurtful unless you were in a dangerous situation, because a lot of the joke got lost then, specially when it was obvious I knew what their intentions were and tried to dialog anyway. And though the questions never stopped while I was in High School the jokes did. And I kind of even became sort of friends with some of those boys? They asked me to tutor them, we were nice to each other, we talked about tv shows so I suppose things got better.

At 16, even already wearing the label ace, I was finally without the bet excuse for not dating and without it to hide behind I was forced to really confront my feelings. My friends mostly seemed pretty ok with my identity and didn't pressure me much but they did keep trying to get me to "be mature" and say or do things that made me uncomfortable - but then again these things weren't always related to sex, sometimes they were just trying to get me to swear - or making dirty jokes that I didn't want to hear. At that point my mom had moved on to trying to convince me to at least try to touch myself and telling me how good sex felt and that I'd really be missing out.

But even though I now didn't have my self-imposed silly rule and a very close friend who I really liked was actually interested I still felt no need to be intimate with anybody. There was not a lick of desire anywhere in my body, but I was still pretty conflicted. I knew I had never had a crush or felt lust for anybody but I had always loved romance books and movies and I squealed when two characters got together and I loved cheering for my friends in their love lifes and going to weddings - I could go to a wedding every weekend honestly - and I had always generally been a hopless romantic "in love with love" type of person.

At 17 we had to make a seminar about minorities and since my friend group had the only queer people in the entirety of the school so naturally we were assigned the LGBTQIA+ community. That was the first time I ever read about the distinction of romantic and sexual and platonic attractions and I swear it was like suddenly the entire world clicked in my brain and everything made sense. My friend's ears were probably bleeding by the time I finally stopped talking about it but I could be at least a little more grounded in my asexuality. At least I knew I could maybe still have those things I liked so much in fiction, I could still maybe one day not be alone and have someone to raise a family with, someone to decorate for Christmas with, who would help me in the bad days and who I could share good days with. Who could grow old with me so I didn't have to retire alone and helpless.

After that I was pretty confident, I was in no hurry to find romantic love and just kept thinking that if was going to happen it would just happen. But it did get me thinking about my limits. What would I be willing to do if I ever did get a romantic partner? Would I be willing to do it with anyone who wasn't a romantic partner?

I think it is worth it to note that I was reading smut since I was 13yo. This wasn't exactly because I went out seeking for it, in fact the first few times I came across it I was a bit disturbed, I'm not going to lie, but I was desperate to read new things, kindle had free things to read and sometimes those things had undisclosed smut. At first I skipped it, then I realized I was missing plot and started skimming it and eventually I was just reading it just like you'd read anything else. So despite my friends repeatedly attempting to make me more mature and teaching me the lingo I am 60% sure I was far more educated at that point (when no one had actually done anything more than kissing) than they could have possibly been.

So I did know about things and how the plumbing worked, I just didn't know if I'd ever be willing to test mine. One beautiful day, when no one was home and I was 18 and reading I wondered "maybe I could just try doing it myself, just to see if I even feel anything." And I thought I'd done it wrong, because I didn't scream or pant or do any of the things that the media usually describe, so I tried again that night,and the next day.

Soon I found that not only did it help me relax enough to sleep, something that had evaded me for years on end, I had a pretty high libido because I suddenly could recognize what before I couldn't identify as arousal, and it happened a lot, at random times, but one thing I noticed was that it never had to do with anyone. It mostly happened whenever I started worrying or thinking about sex and sexuality itself but never because of an actual person. I dealt with it pretty often, never thinking about scenarios with myself or things like that, just shadows, or colors, or movements or reading something.

But the fact that I was doing it and that I was doing it so often suddenly put my sexuality into doubt, could I really be ace with what I did alone at night? The fact that I was doubting it so much and that I had over the years built so much of my self within the fact that I am ace made it so I was too scared to even tell anyone about my libido just in case telling them would make them doubt me again, make them invalidate me or tell me I would eventually just magically wake up allo. To this day I have only ever told one person I know personally, and that was on a really bad day.

But I did do something similar to this I'm doing now and posted to AVEN and after very big welcome cakes and assurances that everything I was going through was completely normal and that it didn't make me any less ace, which felt like a balm on an open wound, I calmed down a little.

So, this one day there was a kareoke pizza party at my uni and this guy sings Moana and I sing Moana and we start talking about the merits of the translation and he ends up asking me if I wanna see a movie that night after the party (it was an in-campus party so it didn't end too late) and I as the clueless dork that I am started going around asking if anybody else wanted to come with.

Nobody did which I thought was strange but ok and so we went to the 24h room of the library to watch it and for about 2/3 of the movie I was completely immersed, not even noticing what was happening around me. However, suddenly I got the strange notion that maybe he was getting a bit too close. Like he was trying to do something. Weird.

But I thought that before and it was nothing, and I thought it was nothing when it was something so clearly I am not the best at reading signs from people. And like he was pretty cool, wonderful person really, so he offered to take me to my door and I said yes because I am terrified of walking alone at night and in the middle of the way he did a real movie move and kind of went bumping his hand with mine until he could kind of naturally hold it? That's when my brain went "oh crap."

I had until we got to the door to make a decision. I did like him. But the more I thought about the idea of actually kissing someone the more icky I felt but maybe I should just try it and see what happens? Like everyone keeps telling me to do?

So we get in front of my building and he turns towards me and I look up and I can hear my heart pounding and I just go "sorry, I'm ace." And run as fast as I can towards the door. Yup. Left him cold and did a dash and hide. Not my greatest moment.

Anyway I felt very embarrassed and kind of sorry so I sent an apology text and explained and he said that actually he was totally cool with it and if I wanted to he would love to date without needing the whole physical part. And that seemed like a good idea.

I hated it. Every single minute. Again it wasn't him. I like him, we are friends as much as we can be friends without me akwardly wandering whether I'm leading him on all the time. But the situation, it was just the worse. I just couldn't think of ever doing it again. With anyone.

So, yeah, probably Aromantic too. Which was a surprise.

But the funny thing is that if she wanted to I would marry my best friend in an instant. Not to go on dates, or kiss or for physical intimacy but just so we could officially be there for each other. So I guess my platonic attraction is pretty strong. And there are people I see that I just really like the look of, so aesthetic attraction is also present. And I usually know just by looking at someone that I really want to be friends with them.

But sometimes I still stop and go "is what I'm feeling for this person actually romantic? How do I know?". But I guess that is what being aro or ace or really just queer in general in a world that wasn't really made for you is, constantly second guessing yourself. We just need to learn that that's ok and it doesn't make us any less who we are.

Anyway, hope this helped anyone struggling in their own journey or let people who've already been through this know that they are not alone. Because you are not. We are in this together.

Ok, love you all, bye!

[haysprite]

question: what do you think frank and Julie's relationship is like?

Oh my goodness, okay, Anon, I hope you know I've spent the whole time mulling over this as I've tried to figure out how to put everything into words lmao. I have so much I wanna talk about with them, but I'm gonna try and limit myself here cause some shit just needs to be drawn instead. Once again, might be disorganized, but it's fine as long as I get the idea across haha. Also, disclaimer to everyone, pls remember THIS IS JUST MY OPINION AND INTERPRETATION ! I'm workin with what we got so far, and while I'm excited to see what the comic will bring in terms of these two, this is what I personally believe at this current moment in time lmao. Alrighty, with that outta the way, let's dive in.

First things first, I just wanna get it out that I believe they are a fucking POWER couple. These two are able to read each other like an open book due to how close they are. They tell each other everything, know each other's boundaries super well (as well as respect them), and are honestly pretty inseparable. It would take a LOT to break them apart. They get in fights, ofc, like any young couple, but they always make up in the end cause they don't like being mad at each other and can't stand being apart.

It didn't take them long to grow close after they first met! They hit it off really well from the beginning, but I wouldn't say it was a love at first sight kinda thing? More like, besties at first sight (seeing as how Julie was immediately intrigued by Frank), and then fall in love later cause of how close they become. I feel like after the first party that Frank showed up to, that's just how they'd spend every one of Julie's parties together. They'd join in on the fun at first, but then sneak away to just be alone.

They love to spend hours talking to each other, just the two of them discussing whatever topic comes to mind first. They'll take long walks together, or stay up all night just holding each other, never wanting to let go. Some nights they'll go wreck havoc together, with or without Joey and Susie, feeling like they're unstoppable when with the other.

You can't convince me that they don't show a lot of PDA either lmaoo. Hand holding, kissing, cuddling, you name it! They want everyone to know that they're together, and that their partner is THEIR'S. Julie loves to sit on Frank's lap a lot and get piggy back rides from him. She just loves to be held in his arms, feeling safe and protected by him. They fall asleep together a lot, and sometimes Julie will wake up being suffocated by Frank cause he's holding her super tightly.

When it came to them actually admitting their feelings toward one another, I feel like it honestly came pretty naturally. There wasn't any big confession scene or whatever, they just kinda realized they liked each other due to their constant "friendly" flirting, kissed, and then moved forward from there lmao. I will say tho, before this happened, Julie was constantly talking to Susie, asking her whether or not she thought Frank liked her. Susie had to stifle a laugh every damn time cause she thought it was pretty obvious, but she's not one to speak cause of her and Joey. Frank, on the other hand, never said a damn thing to Joey, but Joey knew. He could sense it. Also Joey and Susie probably made bets on who would confess first let's be reallll.

Friendly bickering/bullying would play a huge part in their relationship as well. They'd both bug each other by doing harmless stuff that they knew the other would get annoyed or pissy about. They would never take it too far, though, since they never wanted to actually hurt the other. They just wanted to have fun and be silly. Lotta fun pranks and all that jazz. Most of the time they'd cause shit together on other people, though. One of their favorite pass times is probably seeing who could steal the most valuable shit in a short amount of time from shops or houses, just a little game they'd play. Neither of them would try too hard to impress each other as well.

In, short, they fucking love each other. Frank and Julie are each other's ride or die, and they would never do anything to hurt the other. They cause a lot of mayhem, and overall enjoy each other's company. They're in love and you can't convince me otherwise. Thank you for coming to my DBD Talk 🤭💞

[ryansjane]

Hello! Idk how to approach this bc it's a sensitive issue. But I have a question. If you dont want to answer I understand. warning upsetting and sensitive subject ig. 

Was there ever a follow up on the ''drake is a potential transphobe'' issue? Bc i learned it from your blog, and the last thing i know abt is that he made a sorry a$$ excuse of an 'apology'. I just got rmded abt it when you rbed your 'my tee' gifset (damn that show was a rollercoaster of ‘wtfs’ lol). 

And since the actor ''O**.Pa***'', I want to be cautious about these issues (bc it came out of nowhere and slapped me in the face and I’ve been disgusted with him(O.Pa) ever since). 

I am asking you bc I dont know Thai ppl on here, and I learnt it(the drake situation) with you. I also know there is something culturally that could potentially also apply. That in country n1 (here Thailand) smthng happens is different from country n2 or 3 or 4. (like I rmbr abt the thing with cis actors who talked abt trans actors and everything). I agree abt the fact that we, I, come from NOT the same culture and we, I, have to take it into account.

 But in this case I'm REALLY not sure it’s about a ‘’different culture’’ situation. Bc you know, it was very transphobic and also yah andr** tat*... So ig I want to be sure abt the media/ppl I'm involving myself with. 

If you answer this thank you, and even if not.

hi! I've addressed the drake issue when a follower sent me his apology, which I personally thought was good bc he took accountibility & did say he respects everyone. the one thing missing was an explanation though, which is annoying bc it's what misses from most thai actors controversies. but personally, I did think he was being genuine & not a transphobe, though I am definitely biased since drake is one of my favorite thai actors. I've talked multiple times about the cultural differences between "ladyboys" (katoey) & trans people: though now most "ladyboys" now identify as trans women bc they've learned about the western term for it, they were historically considered as a sort of third gender in thailand. that means it is more globally accepted to say things about them in thailand that would be seen as insensitive in the west, and thai trans women themselves have grown accustomed to mocking their own transness to be successful in the thai entertainment industry. this means that the "____ is transphobic" controversies only ever regard international fans, while thai fans don't even bat an eye. it's not my place to say what's wrong or right in those situations, but that's why I feel hesitant to condemn ANY thai person as transphobic when the cultures are so different & sensitivities so opposed. trans rights are under attack everywhere in the west, meanwhile "ladyboys" have existed openly (somewhat safely, I'm sure there's attacks & discrimination on them, but I couldn't find any data about it) for literal centuries in thailand.

NOW THOUGH, I find it quite staggering that you can kind of put most of these thai actors in the same box. drake laedeke for liking (or reposting? I forgot sorry) an anti-trans video, for which he apologized, joss wayar for following andrew tate, who he unfollowed once the backlash against tate peaked, ohm pawat for being a homophobic bully (which some have argued that it's been disproven in my comments but I don't really believe it, it's giving delusional ride or die fan), and lastly foei patchara who reblogged anti-lgbtq far right content & (to my knowledge) never apologized or backed down. all four of these men present themselves as very straight, they all work out & have stereotypically very masculine & attractive bodies, and all of them are successful. I'm not surprised that men who watch fitness content would end up on hustle culture videos, leading to alpha male videos & eventually far right content which is currently obsessing about lgbtq+ people. and I'm not saying this to justify them or whatever, but I think it says a lot about masculinity & the echochambers created around this hypermasculine content which led to these actors clearly doing something wrong.

in the end, I'll say what I always say: everyone can choose to remain fans of actors that have done something wrong, or unfollow them, ignore them, hate them, etc. I do think things need to be taken with nuance, and for me I look at repeated behavior & lack of accountability to try to guess an actor's true nature. I say GUESS because none of us will ever truly know them. maybe there's an actor that has never publicly done anything remotely problematic, yet thinks the most awful things in his head. so yeah, it's up to each individual's judgment to decide what to do with those actors & what they've done wrong, but I do think we have to take cultural differences into account bc the world does not revolve around the west.

xxx

[doxiedreg]

I still have so much school trauma to work through and come to terms with. In general I accept what happened happened and I can't change the past. But on the other hand I'm so fucking angry at the system that failed me and even neurotypical kids. The educational system as it is now is not good. It's just test after test, essay after essay, constant deadlines, constant homework it's just not healthy. Learning should be fun. I loved learning new things as a kid, I was a hard worker. But then school just overworks you, just keeps demanding more eventhough you are at your limit. Even though your mental health is already shit because you are bullied like hell and nobody does something about it. Already shit because you don't have any close friends because you don't even know what to do anymore together with other people your age because you aren't really interested in most teenager stuff. Already shit because you are constantly suffering sensory overload from out of control loud classes, crowded hallways, people invading your personal space and purposeful scaring you by popping lunchbags and drink cartons. Some teachers are just 0 fun to listen to and make the subject they are teaching the most boring thing ever. Dreading whenever it's someone's birthday because it means there will be balloons everywhere which you are terrified of. Having to explain to teachers over and over why you can't do certain assignments or why you need more time. Physical education being the most shitty thing ever as I can never keep up with the others and it makes me feel pathetic. Also the exercises are often not fun for me at all. Just.. school did so much damage to me.. they denied for a very long time just how stressed I was because I still had good grades and behaved in class. My parents kept telling them how stressed I appeared at home. That my hair was falling out, that I was trembling that I didn't want to eat that I was struggling. But they just shoved the concerns away. It wasn't until I had a panic attack in class at school that they assigned someone to me to help me. But it was too little too late. I started going home early because I was just too mentally unwell. They started to question this as me slacking off because I was lazy or something even though I was grossly overworked. In the end I became suicidal and extremely depressed and stressed and hit rock bottom and stayed home. At first this was meant to be temporary but in the end I just dropped out because I couldn't take it anymore. It was a very dark time..and it took a lot of therapy and time to crawl out of it...school had destroyed my self image. I thought of myself as stupid and lazy and not good enough, never good enough no matter how hard I tried. I wondered if my classmates missed me, it they even noticed I wasn't around anymore. I never got closure on that. But luckily I made a new support system for myself online. There were some toxic friends in there at first but it's been a few years now that I've kicked them all out and I feel loved and cared about and seen. In may this year it will also be a year that I've lived on my own, in my own studio apartment without housemates and it also did wonders for me. I mean it's also been tough and brought new stressful things to deal with but I like being in control over my environment..I hope to get a dog in the future to help me with emotional stability (I miss having a dog on my lap and petting them the most I'm so touch starved but I'm not fond of touching people) and getting out more but I'm not ready yet. For now I have my lil fish guys and snail guys to look after and that's already nice

Anyway.. sorry for rambling..I just had to let that all out, it was building up too much. Ever since the sun started shining I feel like my brain is processing so much stuff in the bg i guess the book post triggered some of it to come outward

To my friends: even if we don't talk much, I love you all so much and I'm so happy to have you all in my life. You make me feel loved, appreciated and supported. You make me feel seen. I am so grateful to have a loving support system, even if I'm a lil shy to reach out sometimes still.

Just you guys are all great, remember that

[shiroi---kumo]

What's something that makes you happy about writing your muse? Is it their personality, their mentality, or something else entirely? Also, is there something you'd like to explore with your muse in general, but haven't had the opportunity for it?

Hi Anon,

Firstly it has taken me forever to get to this and I want to formally apologize for that. I love it when you send things like this in and I love getting questions like this. Life has just been up and down lately and today was full of more bad news so I only have so much energy in a day and that means my drafts took priority and my inbox has been neglected in general.

I'm sorry.

As for your questions ->

I love Kumo just for being himself. Writing Kumo in general makes me happy because he is a comfort muse. I say this meaning, I have loved this series for 20 years now since I was just a teenager in high school when the series was coming out and this man was in the very early years of my Anime Favorites team.

FFU is special because it is one of the first animes I really hyperfixated on that wasn't on TV. It was the first series I bought in it's entirety and I have adored this series for a long long time now. It's one of those things I watch yearly or when I'm depressed because I just love it. However it was also a source of heavy level bullying for me because people used to mock me for liking the series and tell me how it wasn't even good. So Kumo's always been there in the back of my head chillin' as a support but in general I just stopped talking about the series and him in general.

All the muses I've ever run are still here, some are just sleeping and others just quiet. Kumo was always the quiet one who just hung out and watched over the kiddos. I had no one to talk to about him and I honestly never thought he would become what he has. I never thought I would get other people to love this weird strange cloud boy of mine...so the fact they do is just -

I'm speechless guys. Really. 💙☁️💙☁️

As for Kumo himself - he's just complicated and interesting and challenging. Kumo has so many rules, but most of them I put in place myself because FFU gave me scraps to work with. So that's also been a fun part of this. Expanding him and world building in a way that still makes sense and all fits together cohesively. For Kumo to still be Kumo. He's a quiet guy but he's become so talkative lately. He's found his voice and now he's using it A LOT.

Kumo is a man on a journey. He's waist deep in self discovery and self betterment. He's healing and processing. He's on a redemption track and trying not to just to better himself but the universe around him. He's fun because he's so many contradictions. He's an immortal who is coming to grips with his morality. He's alive but he thinks he's a ghost. He's the Moon living in the space of the Sun. He's a King living amongst his people. He's a God living outside of the heavens.

He's really starting to come into his own as the King he was born to be but this is where the yet to explore part comes in. I really want this man to finally come to grips on his Godhood.

Kumo is the vessel for one Lady Tiamat, Celestial Mother of the Heavens and source of all Mist - and the thing is- he needs to come to terms with the fact that he's not just her vessel but he's taking that mantle on himself a little at a time. To truly embrace his Godhood and all that he is within the space of the Universe.

The Unlimited are two sides of the same Kolikko (co-lee-co (coin in his language)) and Kumo is the side of Love, Life, Light, Salvation, and The Moon and Kumo is very aware of this. The thing is, it's just metaphorical. Kumo really is all of these things. They become him. They're his essence. They ARE him. Kumo IS these things so I absolutely adore it when he launches into one of his flowy prose rambles on the topic of Good or Bad -or even just other forces within the Universe.

When he starts into rambles and hits saying things like "I am Salvation." or "Salvation, my given name." He's not being poetic or metaphorical - that's his godhood showing and he's being literal. He's being absolutely literal. I love it when he does things like this.

I love just exploring the world with him and through his eyes. I love looking at things because he has such a different perspective and it's so fun to keep myself in the "arrogant human" mindset because I do. And by that I mean how arrogant is it of me as a human to assume things for him would be the same?

In a way, writing Kumo is humbling and I just - he's always been a comfort character and he's always meant the world to me but now he means even more. He's found his voice and now he just wants to say Hello.