#like im not that invested. it's hard for me to find people i connect with enough to be invested in and vice versa

[wakanai]

.

[epiicaricacy-arts]

without the sour the sweet wouldn’t taste

why are you as a man eating another man’s ear after you failed to make him eat his ex girlfriend. 🤨🏳️‍🌈⁉️

im allowed a bit of toxic yaoi. as a treat

process discussion utc ⬇️

for those familiar with my work you’ll know that i like trying a lot of new styles and experimenting in order to achieve a certain vibe. usually those are heavy painterly styles such as the sunday art inspired by Yuming Li, which is what i’m familiar and comfortable with, both traditionally and digitally

what im NOT familiar with is watercolour. i’ve never had a good time with it 🥲 i just cant seem to wrap my head around the process since its requires me to work backwards (light to dark vs dark to light)

for this piece i just couldn’t imagine myself rendering it in my usual style. i needed to do something new so that i’d stay invested enough in the piece considering that it has two people, meaning double the work. for some reason i thought it’d be fun to do double the work with a style i am completely uncomfortable with but oh well!! i managed to do it 🤷‍♀️ i was specifically looking at the works of Ko Byung Jun, an artist i’ve seen all over my pinterest feed

while i didn’t end up really following the style super closely i still learned quite a lot just by looking at it while i drew. i tried my best to stick to watercolour brushes and an ink pen but as i was nearing the end i needed to make some alterations that i wasn’t bothered to try fixing with the watercolour brushes so i just went over it with my digital ones 🫡 i did my best that’s what matters!!!

i had to repaint rody a few times cause i just couldn’t get it right and the colours never ended up matching vincent. i painted them separately and i think i got possessed while painting vincent cause it happened in like. 40 minutes. and i couldn’t get it to happen again 😔 it didn’t really matter cause i ended up going ham with the curves tool as always but you know 🤷‍♀️

here’s the image without all the effects:

i find lately it’s been more and more common for me to be sketching several iterations of a concept for days, even weeks before i land on something i like. i have an entire separate canvas that i’ve spent 5 hours just doing thumbnails trying to figure out how i wanted to pose these two in a way that would showcase the characteristics that mattered in the story of this piece.

that’s my process for coming up with drawings: i find inspiration somewhere, i figure out the key concepts/characteristics/symbols etc i want highlighted, and i work around those. sometimes i have a composition in mind or just a general vibe i want to portray. for this one i wanted to make sure the towel, rody’s injured finger and vincent’s face could all be clearly seen, while also portraying the fight scene and the vibe i get from the reference song. almost all of my work revolves around a specific lyric from the song which drives the story of the piece. here i interpreted the line “without the sour the sweet wouldn’t taste” as a connection to all the little actions vince takes with rody that can be seen as “sweet.” drying rody’s hair, bandaging rody’s cut. i then asked myself how i could take those actions and make them “sour” or show them in a different light, in which vince is biting the finger he bandaged and pulling rody closer, preventing his escape with the towel he used to dry his hair. what im trying to communicate in this illustration is the idea of “if it weren’t for how i’m treating you now, you wouldn’t understand how kind i was to you then” in an attempt to illustrate the complexities of the way vincent acts towards rody.

i’m truly in love with the story telling of this game. it’s hard to really say anything about how the characters acted during the story because it’s so complex in how it’s done. it’s very hard to summarize their relationship because there’s so much about it i can’t explain without just quoting the game directly. i think it’s such a beautiful portrayal of obsession and just being fucking weird about someone. i wanted to ensure the elements i mentioned in the above paragraph because i didn’t want to be portraying vincent as solely a villain and rody as a victim. i wanted the storytelling of this one illustration to live up to my impression of this beautiful game and i hope i did it justice.

thank you for reading this if you’ve made it this far. i love rambling on all my art posts cause i think it’s so valuable for artists to expand on their work outside of the result alone. i hope what im saying is at most helpful to someone and at the very least a good read. i’m probably gonna take a bit of an art break after this since it took a lot out of me, plus im on the last days of my trip. thank you again for reading!

here’s my dog

[orkbutch]

Okay! time to add my accompanying essays with each image from this set of work about why I assigned which types of play to each set of characters, and how Baldur's Gate III supports these in the text of the game. Because I thought about all of this way too much im not joking

First, Context: All of these are drawings of consentual play happening between these characters after they have put aside any active conflicts between each other. Nontheless, they utilise the dynamics and emotional conflicts of these characters. Each of these characters are in some way violent people, deeply stressed out by their circumstances, and craving pleasure and connection. Sometimes you need a little pinch and squeal before the end of the world just to get through the night, you know?

Wrestling & choking; Lae'zel (D) / Karlach (S)

I'll be honest, figuring out how Karlach and Lae'zel's dynamic would manifest was difficult for me at first. This piece came into existence primarily to balance the other pieces; it had to be the two of them with Lae'zel domming and Karlach subbing. But those restraints ended up guiding me to something I possibly may not have considered and have ended up really, really liking! Lae'zel immediately likes and respects Karlach because she is powerful, hardy, direct and honest. She tells Tav to show Karlach due respect the night she joins you. I think everyone loves Karlach because shes Karlach, but that is an unprecedented level of immediate respect from Lae'zel. I reckon one of the first things Lae'zel thought when getting to know Karlach was how fun it'd be to spar her, to test her strength. Not even sexually - just as bonding or morning exercise before taking on the day. And I know she'd want ideally to win, because she always wants to win, even if she'd be horny about losing.

Karlach seems to respect Lae'zel just as much for similar reasons; direct, honest, committed to her principles, and a beast on the battlefield. I think she'd feel a lot of empathy for Lae'zel's alienation from the world around her. She spent 10 years in Hell and is only now finally coming home, and she'd see in Lae'zel the opposite; someone flung out into space, braving a terrifying fate with nothing grounding or reassuring her. I think she'd be invested in welcoming Lae'zel into fun, casual friendship without being patronizing.

If these two powerhouses spent enough time wrestling each other or watching each other drill or whatever... INEVITABLY... it'd turn horny. Lae'zel's no. 1 turn on seems to be respectable beefcakes, and Karlach would fucking love wrestling in a horny way. Lots of body contact, its playful, its a little competitive, you got some power struggle shit going on which I think Karlach would enjoy, and she gets to use her big muscles for fun!

Wrestling also has a layer that I think Karlach and Lae'zel would absolutely connect on, which I kinda wanna flesh out in some more work: a love for Primal dynamics.

Now, a little detour, because Primal can be embodied and understood differently by different people. For some people, Primal is all about the specific power dynamic Primal usually plays on: Hunter/Prey. This is a dynamic of power struggle, pursuit, conquering and claiming, all things I think Lae'zel would definitely love, and Karlach would also enjoy. Where I think Primal clicks more for Karlach is another element of how many people do Primal: As play that emphasizes liberated expression of emotion, and roleplays loss of control. Its The Berzerker's Kink, and The Werewolf's Kink, the restless adhd jock's kink. Just getting lost in struggling and contact and fucking and roughness, and expressing whatever emotion comes during that. Karlach and Lae'zel find really, really good partners in each other for this kind of play.

Lae'zel is tough as fuck, competitive as hell and kinda scary, so Karlach wouldn't need to worry that much about getting too rough with her. She'd get to truly go hard in the struggle for power. But, ultimately, I think Karlach would let Lae'zel win pretty frequently (and tbh I think Karlach would usually win wrestling Lae'zel just because of her size and reach) because Karlach would LOVE being pinned and held by a body. Its the most high contact, our bodies are all over each other fun, and I think she'd relish that after 10 years of denial. She gets to just enjoy the feeling of being held, spent and physically overwhelmed after some good fun rolling around in the dirt. It's a great time. Karlach is deeply admirable to Lae'zel from the moment she met her. I think Lae'zel kind of sees Karlach as this singular force of nature warrior peer. Lae'zel doesn't have preconceived notions of what a tiefling is, or what most Plane beings are. She doesn't see Karlach as someone whose been Changed from an original form by time in the Hells. She sees Karlach, and she sees a war-torn tower of long surviving muscle that pours out fire and kills baddies with terrifying power and efficacy, who is also bright red and a team player. And seriously, I think for Lae'zel this would have been a moment of like. "Holy shit, they make people like this here? Maybe this Plane isn't so bad. She is a dragon and I want a ride." And getting to wrestle away control and power and subdue that beast, to conquer this amazing peer you admire so much, would be ... SUCH a rush for Lae'zel. The ultimate power trip. To bring Karlach the unique pleasure of being physically immobalized and held and conquered in a way thats hot, satisfying and safe. Yes. They'd love it. In Conclusion: They'd fuck a bunch and get extremely exhausted and roughed up. Then they'd go sit in a pond that Karlach would set at a comfy spa heat with her body and give each other shoulder rubs and drink beer. And they'd be like, "Hey seriously, x move was really good. I did not see that coming. Your leg lock is stronger than it was last month. I totally overpowered you with that pin though, right? Oh it was a fluke huh? We'll see next time." Jocks having some good rough fun.

[midnight-sun08]

to fable smp

oh god the finale is today. time has really flown. i haven’t been a fan for very long, i had only subscribed to sherbert on youtube back in july i think? i had stumbled upon some old dsmp cosplay compilations, looking for some technoblade cosplays. it was around the anniversary of losing my great grandmother , and needed something to get me through the grief.

that’s when i found sherbert. their cosplay was one of the few that really stuck out to me, so i looked in the description to find their youtube channel. while scrolling through it, i saw something called ‘fable smp’. not really thinking much of it, i clicked on one of the vods.

now id watched minecraft roleplays before, empires smp and outsiders smp mainly, but fable struck me on a whole new level. i think that one of the things that really drew me in was how much everyone really connected with each other in the smp. it seemed like the cast was super close, and i loved that. the story telling was also incredible, unlike anything i’d ever seen.

i got twitch near the end of june, for some summer camp streaming class i took a whim, thinking it would be fun, but i never really watched streams. that all changed once i found sherbert, heyhay, ghosty, ven, and so many other streamers. i became invested in fable, thinking up headcanons, thinking of possible fic ideas i never got around to writing, and sketching the characters in the margins of my notebooks.

then my great grandfather passed away, about a month ago. the last time that i had had a family member pass away, i kind of just suppressed it, being quite young. this time however, i couldn’t hold it in. so i turned to fable. i spent so much time watching old comfort vids while doing homework, or studying. fable had helped me through quite a few hard times, and im eternally grateful for that.

i even tried out cosplaying because of fable, if you could call it that. it was really just an old halloween costume that i had worn for one of my cousins costume birthday party, but i tried out some of the things that i’ve seen the cast of fable do for their cosplays, and found that i really enjoyed it.

to make this long post even longer, i just wanted to say thank you to each and every single cast member, mod, and anyone else that has helped out behind the scenes, voiced a character, body acted for a cutscene, done art for an animatic, or anything else that we the fans don’t even know goes into making what has surely helped so many people, like it has with me.

[admirxation]

˗ˏˋ 𝐚𝐝𝐦𝐢𝐫𝐱𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧'𝐬 𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐤𝐥𝐲 𝐟𝐢𝐜 𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐬 ´ˎ˗

!! dark content ahead: much of the material in this post is intended for 18+ viewers, some recommendations are dark with DDDNE tag, please read the warnings the authors have provided before reading, you have been warned, continue at your own discretion !!

🍙 — (5th week) 2ndJune ‘24: I love these bookmarks, and omg I read some really good juicy fics this week; since I finished uni I’ve had so much time and I’m so grateful. Also always open for more recommendations if people have them.

𝐑𝐞𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐄𝐯𝐢𝐥 𝐑𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬

New beginnings[SFW + fluff] {bf!Leon Kennedy x gf!reader} ~ picnic with bf while he’s sketching her and she puts daisies in his hair.

This was written by @/angelstargel // this was so cute !!! I don’t read that much fluff but recently I’ve gotten into it, I used to think it was kinda boring cuz I’m a horny bastard that needs constant smut but I have been delving into fluff fics. I thought it was so cute but also the humour was realistic, I think humour is a hard thing to write as I’ve read some fics where it either goes hard or flops, I think star did a rlly good job and making a realistic and cute portrayal.

Wicked game [NSFW] {Leon Kennedy x fem!reader} ~ Leon leaves the reader for the lady in red.

This was written by @/leonsdolly // this is another fic that I have been meaning to get to, I saved it on my phone the day it came out then exams made me forget until now and I’m so glad I got to read this. The angst in this was written perfectly, sad af but for the angsty girlies we will eat this up cuz it was soooo good. I loved the descriptions of the readers anger and putting it in violent fantasies to herself, the description of red with the blood and connecting it to the other woman, also the reader lowkey getting off and cucking herself with fantasies about the other woman’s moans like helloooo ??? This was so yummy.

Starry-eyed! [NSFW] {puppy hybrid!Leon Kennedy x fem hybrid!reader} ~ hybrids in heat.

This was written by @/rigorwhoring // OMFG I LIVE FOR THE HYBRID FICS THEY GIVE ME LIFE. This fr fed my breeding kink reading obsession cuz the idea of being in heat and needing to help Leon out LORD HELP ME. This was so goddamn hot. I always get interested in the hybrid writing like it’s genuinely so fun to read especially like the little backstories of how hybrids came to be, I wanna write it so bad but don’t know where to start. This fic was delicious, a must read for the hybrid lovers.

The devil is real part three [NSFW] [DDDNE] {las plagas!leon Kennedy x fem!reader} ~ after being injected the reader finds out what the cult has in plan for her

This was written by @/gigabyte-flare // okay I’ve been recommending every part of this series because it’s so so so good; the scenes in it (if you read it you know) were just so ooooooo I need Leon to come alive and call me lil bird so much. This series has me so invested !!!!

𝐀𝐭𝐭𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐨𝐧 𝐓𝐢𝐭𝐚𝐧 𝐑𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬

Come back to bed [NSFW] {Levi Ackerman x fem!reader} ~ reader craves for Levi but he isn’t in bed when she wakes up.

This was written by @/kentopedia // aot hyperfixation came back, as long as my devoted crush for Levi that I’ve had since 2016 but comes back with an intense wave every few months. This was been saved on my phone for a while and ugh I should have gotten to this sooner, it was soo good. Also didn’t realise how into cockwarming I am until I read this fic, I was blushing sm, especially with how he was telling the reader to keep quiet like AHHH IM SCREAMING.

Hange introducing Levi and reader and starting a relationship // modern au [NSFW moment but generally SFW] {Levi Ackerman x fem!reader}

This was written by @/lucysarah-c // I’m such a sucker for modern au, it’s such a slice of life feel to it that makes me blush sm; I know loads of people need fanfics to stick to canon timeline but I absolutely love au’s like this one, they’re just so fun to think about. It’s a bit of a short one though but it got me blushing so much with how cute it was, there is a NSFW moment but honestly most of it is cute.

Be a good girl for me won’t you ? [NSFW] {Levi Ackerman x fem!reader} ~ Drabble with daddy kink & spanking.

This was written by @/dreamtuna // Levi Ackerman addiction go brrrrrrr, in such a Levi brainrot send help ! I love drabbles/shorter fics they’re like mini snacks to sink your teeth into especially when they’re as hot as this piece cuz GODDAMN I need to be teleported into this fic and let it happen to me PLS GOD PLSSSS.

Levi letting reader know he’s fed up of a social gathering [NSFW] {bf!Levi Ackerman x fem!reader} ~ Levi teasing reader under the table of a social gathering. 

This was written by @/seredelgi // this was so hot but also just so Levi; he is a lil antisocial and would wanna get away and spend time with his gf. Ugh the description of him teasing the reader under the table, the slow movements and embarrassing her as people stare when she releases the gasp OH MY LAWD IM IN SUCH A BLUSHING FLUSTER RN HELP ME. also the comment from Connie was so funny.

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐋𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐮𝐬 𝐑𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬

Let sleeping dogs lie [NSFW] {Joel Miller x puppy hybrid!reader} ~ reader is a hybrid and Joel has a problem with “picking up strays”.

This was written by @/d10nyx // I have been waiting for Joel content from this creator for a good while and UGHHHH I’m so happy it was finally out and I got to read it. I thought this oneshot rlly nailed Joel’s characterisation with the dialogue with all the good girls, the comforting voice like even in the moments he snaps, I could hear Joel’s voice through it. I’m also really obsessed with puppy hybrids like I fr need help.

𝐁𝐚𝐥𝐝𝐮𝐫𝐬 𝐆𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐓𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐞 𝐑𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐚𝐭𝐨𝐧𝐬

Denouement [NSFW] {spawn!soft!Astarion x fem!reader} ~ Astarion is ready to explore intimacy with the reader again.

This was written by @/khywren // I love spawn, softie, astarion sm; I love my fair share of ascended astarion with the angst and sexual tension but softie astarion makes me blush and kick my feet like some school girl texting their crush. I loved the description of the scenes I found them to be hot but also beautiful especially with descriptions of their fingers laced together, how he pulls her down to him, whispering, ahhh it’s just so connected and beautiful. I love the fics where Astarion slowly loves learning what he wants and not using it for a means of manipulation, finding love and vulnerability with reader/tav figure, I love those fics.

Woe to the lamb that disputes the wolf [NSFW] {predator!astarion x prey!fem!reader} ~ reader makes a bet of who can outrun whom in the pitch black night.

This was written by @/vampiricgf // I know I’m recommending this straight after a fic where I gushed about softie astarion, but I’m complex and love both versions of astarion depending on what I’m craving that night haha. The tension written in these scenes was perfection and omg the beauty in the description of him biting her and almost overpowering her was *chefs koss* I need more of this dynamic it was so hot.

note: did you enjoy a fic from these recommendations? If you did please give that author as much love as possible, the best way of supporting authors is by liking and reblogging, it keeps us motivated and knowing that our work is appreciated.

[magical-glimpse]

your readings are so great tbh it’s nice to see people having such a connection with the universe! Do u think you could do an energy check on the members?

Thank you !! You're so nice !! I still have a lot to learn tbh, but im glad you love my readings !

As always,

For entertainment purposes only.

Jin:At the same time, he sees the military as a break from his idol life, but he also want a break from the military lol.A lot of it has got to do with him having to fight his nature.He's naturally a lot more laid back and fun than the circumstances mostly let him be.I think one of his past investments is growing while he isnt there, and the fruits are getting ready for whe he will come back.He is also torn between two options for a choice ( idk what tho).He is feeling out of touch with his purpose while understanding why this had to happen.It is helping him develop another side of himself, and he is learning to balance them.

NJ:He didnt want any cards, but hes saying he is thinking about things deeply.He seemed like i caught him off guard when he was in the middle of a reflection ?You know when people are trying to explain something to you but they are getting caught up in the cobwebs of their thoughts?Yeah, him rn.

Yoongi:OK so Yoongi teased me and dared me to do it with no cards.He said he is feeling quite peaceful and content/satisfied rn.It's the phase where the stage euphoria came down but youre not quite into post show blues yet.Just quiet, happy, calm, tranquil.Moving slowly, relaxed.I saw him going down a slow river sitting on a surfboard with his eyes closed.So yeah, nice.

Hobi:He seemed pretty excited to do the reading but the first card that came out was the Tower ??I think he is going through a very transformative phase but he is also really excited for it. A sense of oh finally.A lot of his fears and deep anxieties are coming down, he is cutting through them with a new sense of rationality and outspokenness(?) He is becoming less afraid of telling his truth and is not letting himself being held back and literally tied down by how other people see him.He is very strssed tho, and is using good old breathing techniques to relax. (Which kinda makes sense bc i feel like since the military his energy has been mostly quiet except for random burst of really wanting to talk, so i guess it is linked to his stress levels ?)

Jimin:I think he might have asked someone out recently and it went very well ?WHAT- PARK JIMIN GO BACK WITH YOUR 18+ STUFF NO-hm hm, so boy is having fun.In general, he is spending time on things and people he love, going out, learning new things, connecting or reconnecting with people, following where his passion and emotions lead him.He is also really enjoying having attention rn.

Tae:A part of him want to keep very private, but hes seeing around.As in learning things, discovering art he didnt know, a little imaginative.He has been hurt by public attention too much and wants to withdraw a little.He doesnt want ARMY to worry though, he just want us to understand he is human, and that would be hard on anyone. JK:Jk felt pumped up and talkative lol.So he learning to let things go and to find his joy in the things he has right now, he is learning to be happy.It is the end of a trial for him.He had many options and he thinks he picked right.It is the end of the phase.The next one might be the one where he meets his twin flame (if you have followed me for a while, you would know he insists on talking about them almost everytime lol).Their psychic link will strengthen like never before.He is in general quite happy with where he got in life and proud of himself for recent lessons he learned and went through

[avpdpossum]

you have avpd and npd at the same time? if im nosy feel free not to answer, how does that manifest for you? i have avpd and im doubting whether i also have narcissistic or histrionic traits but they seem to be such contradictory pds i think im might be overanalyzing myself

i thought the same thing at first but, at least in my experience, they're honestly not as contradictory as they seem.

a lot of people think they're essentially opposites because they think that npd means having a super high self-esteem while avpd means having a super low self-esteem, but that's an inaccurate (or at least incomplete) picture of npd. in reality, npd is really more about having a super fragile or volatile self-esteem than a consistently high self-esteem, and that definitely can coexist with the characteristic low self-esteem of avpd.

for me, my avpd symptoms tend to be far more outward-facing than my npd symptoms. my internal monologue probably sounds a lot like other pwnpd, but i don't show it as much as some people do because avpd means my go-to coping mechanism for any internal state is avoidance. here's what that might look like:

i, like many pwnpd, can't stand not being the best at something. it totally wrecks my self-esteem. but instead of that manifesting as me being really competitive, i just quit at things really fucking easily, and i'll usually avoid competitive situations at all costs unless i'm with people i'm super comfortable around or i know there will be people who do worse than me. i've been known to stop doing an activity for literal years if i have one single experience of not being as good at it as i expected and even having panic attacks when forced to do it; i rarely do competitive things like board games with people aside from being able to play certain kinds of games with a handful of people that i'm a bit more comfortable being bad at shit with; when i learn new skills, i have to either teach them to myself totally alone or learn alongside other people who are also probably going to be really bad at it, because if there's even a chance i'll be the worst one in the room, i physically cannot make myself do it. i have that classic npd feeling of "i must be the best at everything and i will convince myself that i'm the best at everything and if anything proves that wrong i will go crawl into a hole and die", but the outward expression of it looks very classically avoidant because having avpd means that's always what my brain defaults to when dealing with current or potential distress.

one aspect of npd is incorrectly estimating the effect you have on other people. most people tend to assume this means either overestimating how much of a positive impact you have on people or underestimating how much of a negative impact you have on people, but for me, it often actually shows up as overestimating the negative impact i have on other people. as in, if i say one thing wrong and it seems like it made the other person uncomfortable at all, i'll immediately assume it was the worst thing i possibly could've said and that they'll never get over the trauma i've just caused them by opening my mouth. while a pwnpd doesn't have to have avpd to experience that symptom in this way, i believe i'm probably more likely to than most because having avpd means i'm already predisposed to vastly overestimating the impact of anything negative in an interaction.

the effect that npd has on my ability to feel empathy and generally form social connections is basically just one big vicious cycle that feeds into and is fed into by my avoidance. my sibling once described me (before i knew i had npd) as "bad at caring about other people". i very rarely feel empathy for other people, and i find it really hard to be emotionally invested in other people's lives, even people i enjoy having around and genuinely care about in my own way. the relationships i do have (which aren't many) are selfish in one way or another because my brain doesn't really know how to emotionally connect with people if there isn't something in it for me. all of that tends to create distance between me and other people, since it makes me very bad at forming the kinds of relationships that most people expect, which usually involve some level of empathy and emotional investment as a given. it also makes me distance myself from other people intentionally on top of that, because i know that's something a lot of people see as bad and that a lot of people wouldn't want to be friends with me because of it. it takes the perpetual avoidant anxiety of "if i let someone get close it'll only be a matter of time before they realize i'm a horrible person and leave" and turns it up to 100. so my npd actually ends up making me more avoidant, rather than contradicting the avoidance.

because there are some ways that avpd and npd contradict themselves, and particularly because i tend to stick with avoidance as my coping mechanism of choice, my brain is basically in a constant state of frustration. i want to pick fights and prove that i'm right, but the attention it gets me is torture so i either just sit there and quietly implode or say something, inevitably get negative attention for it, and retreat into my little avoidance hole in a panic to quietly implode (but worse). i want to stand up for myself when i feel like i'm not being treated the way i deserve and make other people treat me right, but the idea of them even knowing i exist (or, god forbid, disliking me because of how i want to be treated) is so unbearable that instead i just go through the world constantly feeling like i'm being mistreated and can't do anything about it. i want to follow all these grandiose fantasies i craft for myself about my future and be the best at everything ever, but i know deep down that there's a chance i won't be that good and not being that good feels like total failure, so instead i end up letting opportunities fall away as i avoid pursuing them and having to just sit there knowing i could be capable of way more, thinking about all of the delicious attention and praise i'll never get for it. i want to act on all of these npd thoughts and feelings, but because they're incompatible with avoidance and that's literally all i know how to do, i just torture myself internally instead.

those are just a few examples, there are definitely more ways they overlap, interact, and butt heads in my daily life, but those are the ones that come to mind as i'm writing this.

basically, i don't seem like someone with npd because my avoidance likes to take over most of the time when it comes to my outward behaviors, but internally i'm just one big chaotic mess of avoidant and narcissistic traits amplifying, combining with, or crashing into each other.

i can't speak as much to hpd because i don't have it, but i assume it's similarly not as contradictory as one might think. a disorder that's (at least in more simplistic conceptualizations of it, i don't know all about it) based around an unbearable need for attention may seem incompatible with avpd, the disorder that's makes you terrified of being known by anyone ever. but avpd also tends to involve really wanting relationships with others to a painful extent, even if you can't make yourself pursue them, and i imagine that has the potential for overlap with hpd.

good luck figuring it all out!

[calebwittebane]

im not gonna lie, there are people i follow who often make posts that are preddy funny and who often have good opinions, but whom i find unpleasant and annoying and generally unkind, and whom i kind of really hate. its not a hatefollow because i do enjoy many of their posts but i hate them as people and anytime something mildly bad happens to them im like LOL :).

thankfully i am not mutuals with them because if that were the case, the close proximity would cause their body to be affected by that hatred, even if they werent aware of it, or knew but didnt care. but the malice would slowly poison and ruin them, and they would start to become sick. they would feel as though someone had been adding antifreeze to their food and drinks. ethylene glycol and so on and so forth. but they wouldnt make the connection between the illness and the malice of mine that they were being afflicted by. their hair would begin to fall out in clumps, they would experience light-headedness and nausea and increased body stench, they would begin to regularly experience sleep paralysis, they would see mysterious red marks on their skin that would quickly fade away.

unable to think of their condition as anything other than them being infested with demons, and consumed by fear and desperation, they would eventually turn to some real out there pseudoscientific woo Soul And Body Healing bullshit peddled by a guy with a youtube channel and a popular tiktok account. they would purchase tons and tons of his supplements and read all his books, and become invested in the belief system to a shocking degree, still tormented by the disease. all the fans followers friends family and folks at home would have a hard time recognizing them at this point. 'what happened to the goodposter we knew and loved?', they would ask, and ultimately all distance themselves from them one by one.

already holding a new propensity for conspiracy theories, the blogger would take this as a sign that the fools were all simply threatened by their recently mastered forbidden wisdom, and fall deeper into the rabbit hole of fringe internet spirituality. they would eventually become an obscure type of flat earther, believing in an astronomical model so strange that other flat earther would scoff at them and accuse them of making them look unserious.

a viral video would emerge of the blogger approaching some young people in the street, vigorously lecturing them about the mobius strip earth, with the sun being a round hole carved in an enormous egg made of black obsidian that we are all trapped within that shields us from the brilliant divine glow the rest of the universe is bathed in. supposedly, humanity had shattered the egg before, freeing the earth from its prison, however an unhealthy diet (containing dairy and plant oils) causes humans to emit invisible particles that float up into the atmosphere and above, where they solidify into the obsidian shell. many commenters would point out the tshirt the blogger was wearing, depicting an absurdly muscular man breaking out of the obsidian egg, with text above saying "W.H.A.T.: We Hatch Again Together".

humiliated and scorned, the blogger would make the decision to abandon their brethren at least for some time, and retreat into solitude deep in the woods. they would sustain themselves on acorns, the youtube guy supplements, and whatever birds and rodents they managed to find. no longer in close online proximity to me (and no longer online in general), they would quickly start to recover from their illness, and (not incorrectly) attribute that improvement to their hermit lifestyle far away from those poisoned by dairy and plant oils.

one day, a bear would attack them. against all odds, newly full of vigor and powered by years of pent up anger, they would emerge victorious from the encounter. they would skin the bear and start wearing its pelt like a fursuit, giving them the appearance of a somewhat deflated bear with eerily human movements. emboldened by this experience, they would make the decision to return to their preaching, and travel from the wilderness to the nearest populated area.

having arrived in a small town, still wearing their hard-earned fursuit, they would cause widespread panic. not sure how to approach the issue just yet, and weighing the possibility of leaning into the bear thing regardless to add some extra dramatic flair to their sermons, they would walk into a convenience store to get some soda. the cashier would immediately flee and call 911 from a safe distance, reporting a horribly fucked up bear casually strolling into the building, so even if the blogger had any money, they would not be able to pay for the soda, absolving them of this responsibility.

they would take a generous sip of the cold refreshing soda they had so dearly missed during their time in the wilderness. unfortunately, the effervescent sugary drink would unexpectedly interact with the supplements and acorns still in their system, causing a violent chemical reaction. the energy released as the byproduct of said reaction would be so great, it would cause their body to disintegrate in a burst of blinding orange light.

as their body faded away, they would smile serenely, knowing that although they did not manage to convince everyone they had spoken to, they had sown the seeds of knowledge among them, and that even the arrogant nonbelievers would eventually start seeing the signs. there is hope for humanity, that it would one day break out of the obsidian shell, and regain the long-lost enlightenment and magic. they would feel that they have done well.

some time would pass absently--seconds or centuries, one could not tell. to their shock, they would realize that their consciousness has not been extinguished by death. suspended in endless void, they would try to scream, yet their efforts would be in vain.

then, another change would occur--they would begin to experience a tingling sensation, seemingly psychological rather than physical. cell by cell, they would regain a physical form, and their senses would all at once return to them as they awakened. their surroundings would snap into focus. they would be surrounded by otherworldly tall green structures, curved and swaying lightly. their field of view would span 360° on every axis, their eyes situated on flexible stalks. they would then realize--they have been reborn as a slug.

all because they had roamed too close to the powerful confident beautiful gentle unemployed brown-eyed bloggeress whose righteous ire they had earned despite her peaceful nature. all because they did not heed the signs. by then they would have learnt their lesson, but by the time they earned another lifespan as a human, the internet would be no more, replaced by a mass malfunction of amazon brain chips giving those affected constant visions of various ai generated rule34 pictures of the hex maniac that jeff bezos had saved on his hard drive at the time the disaster struck

[skunkes]

wrt last reblog I also saw something recently that resonated with me, adjacent to it.

OP of the video im talking about explained that making friends is hard as an adult, but what if you finally make a friend and after a few hangouts you realize you dont actually like them? She goes on to say that she doesn't want to be friends with people she only Kind Of likes, because she had to do that all through her teenage years (likely at school).

But meeting people you instantly click with and have foundations for a real friendship is rare, so what are you supposed to do? Friend-break-up with someone? That's just rude. But having to maintain friendship with someone you only sort of like is also exhausting...

I made a new, quickly very close friend recently and was talking about dis to them, I talked about how I struggle making friends but after seeing some people's online circles I'm okay with that. Because I don't know how people juggle having so many acquaintances/Not Actual Friends. I could never do that. I want my time to go to myself and others I love and not having to either find excuses for plans I don't actually want to partake in or feel like I have to hang out with acquaintances for "maintenance" or to "reset the required hangout timer."

Hoping that doesnt sound Evil...having to do that with acquaintances is just one of those Life things, its normal but I'd prefer not have to do it more than I have to...ykwim

And how do you tell someone "um well its not that i dont like you but I cant imagine our friendship ever deepening to a point where im super comfortable with you and actively want to spend lots of time with you sooo bye!"

Not every friendship needs to be like that btw, acquaintances are important but one would rather just have more time to spend with the people they DO connect with better.

Also acquaintance doesn't automatically mean bad! I have acquaintances that I enjoy talking to and hanging out with even though we wont ever be Besties, I guess this post was more focused on acquaintances where the feeling is more like. They like you way way way more than you like them...

Idk. Last post reminded me of that. Its hard to make friends and I also dont seek it out because Id rather not have to also forever juggle a sea of pushy acquaintances while searching for the deep connections (which I'm so lucky to have found more often, by chance. Guess I just have to keep waiting around to get lucky.)

Meeting people you can actually connect with DOES take so much energy and time. And its hard to just stop contacting the people you dont click with along the way sometimes. So much energy to maintain the same level of effort and emotional investment across multiple different relationships when I'd rather just be deepening bonds with the people I do have/finding more of those Exact Same Bonds. Idk!

Weird type of lonely. I dont want to be friends with people I only sort of like...

[snow-and-saltea]

People I'd like to know better

Tagged by @paleasamoon (hi tex i love you tex sorry this took a year) (HEH. get it. cus you tagged me last year. heh.)

Last song: just putting on yt music as im reading manga and talking to muwi, and now its playing burn for you, from the bridgerton musical! (i don't know watch or follow it) (it's just a nice song) but i'd also like to recommend this song

Favourite colour: YELLOW!!!! 💛💛💛💛💛💛

Currently watching: my computer screen writing this up

Last movie / TV show: skip to loafer! i was screaming with muwi the entire time bc the story was so sweet and healing and everyone is so sympathetic and cute and we kept being like AAAAAAAAAA I LOVE WOMEN FRIENDSHIPS SO MUCHHHHHH

Spicy/savoury/sweet: sweet! if i could choose a combo, i like savoury-sweet. i like spice but only if i like the flavour! i'm not keen on the actual pain sensation of spice!!

Last thing I googled: hummmm i don't remember... i think a marinade recipe i made yesterday night? i made a korean base marinade for some lamb chops!! i cooked them today and invited my sister to eat with us, it was rlly yummy!

Relationship status: single! waves my aroace flag!!! i'm curious about how it feels to be in a relationship but it's not smth i try to actualize LOL i'm content w reading my shoujosei man-ga/hwa/huas <33

Current obsession: idk if i could call them obsessions yet but right now i'm really invested in sousou no frieren (anime only, havent caught up to the manga), skip to loafer (same there), and i'm looking for more wholesome healing stories. although now that i'm going through my reading lists for stories i've dropped, i'm laughing at them fjaksfjkasfj

(i promise this one has proper context bc i usually like pacifist mcs just bc i like politics and connection seeking to be based on a foundation of empathy and kindness. but this one was just so stupid and just a way to establish how good the mc was to the point that i couldn't get immersed in the story bc it was that nonsensical and i wanted to die)

i'm typically fine w mary sues / jane(?) FLs and i even tend to be biased for them just bc there's a lot of misogyny about the subject matter, so i normally don't bat an eye unless it's a writing choice i find unsuitable / doesn't fulfill the potential it could've achieved with an interesting plot.

(btw the context is that the first screenie which this rant also applies to was when some guy caught the baddies and the FL is like "No let's reward them for trying to kill us. they're just misunderstood!! i bet if we try really hard we can all get along!!")

but! i only really like it when it actually does something useful, like thematically or symbolically. like tohru's innate goodness for furuba inline with the sohma's family curse and mitsumi's unending positivity and earnestness that helps the people around her heal from emotional wounds. not that they're mary sues in any way, but since people understand mary sues as "female protagonists who can do no wrong and will be liked no matter what" (even thought their psychology and personality is just genuinely likeable), i think it makes my point clear. there's a way to write a character who is Good and Kind without cheapening them to a naivete that at best, makes the mc pitiable, or worst, is treated like the mc's totally unique worldview of "lets be nice to people and never hurt anyone ever :)" is the end all be all of the story and the solution to the plot. kindness and empathy is a coiled spring that projects you forward, a motivator. it's how you guide your hand and where it goes, not that the hand is never raised. i don't agree that cowardice towards change and the potential promise of conflict is any kind of wisdom >:T plus it kinda puts the shame to the idea of kindness as a legitimate basis for political strategy, and that leads to some set up for a lot of zero sum games i don't care for in this specific story. there is a good story where each character is trying to one up each other politically, psychologically, at all times, but this is not that story and so the tone feels very off kilter.

but yeah!! sometimes a character is just OP and the story is not even having fun with it (aka its not satire or irony), which makes me think they want to take it seriously. and my serious thoughts was that it sucked.

(i just realised this also applies to the first screenie LMFAO it just loops back huh!!)

not gonna comment about the others bc i think they speak for themselves <33 but also the first one of these three is fucked up in the sense that i dont even get where they're going w the story. its a revenge story and the FL uses the ML from childhood to achieve her revenge, but then suddenly when he's an adult she has Feelings for Him and now im like.... okay....? belief no longer suspended. beliefs are like those garter straps that snapped. my socks are like my beliefs. fallen to my feet. they are no longer suspended.

sorry that got off track </33 i enjoy looking into why i dont like things, im in this stage of life where i realise i actually have specific ass tastes!! i always have, but i just realised it very recently a few years back fjskfjskjf

People I'd like to know better (i also wanna include some mutuals who i haven't talked to but i like to see on my dash):

@snickerdoodlles

@fflewddurfflam7

@00uroboros

@perpetualstateofcrying

@pirate-with-internet-connection

💛🐢😤💪

[gayspock]

ok 1 menty b for me

i dont know. i think its just always been so alienating. i think theres something wrong with me and its unfixable. and sometimes, if i cant have anything else, i just want at least the fucking chance to express that without people thinking even less of me. and ik in reality nobody even gaf or sees me. but i also know know that if they did, 9times out fo 10 people would be rolling their eyes. whatever. idk. i feel so lonely and i dont think im ever not going to be lonely and its never going to get better because even when given the resources, the opportunities i just can never manage . i just cant . i swear i try . but every single time. my whole fucking life . i just walk away from everything with even less, it feels like. and its getting so much harderand harder. and i dont know how to express it liek ... i fucking feel myself SEETHE as ppl keep insisting "theres still a chance! there's still hope!" like sure bro. but i dont want to fucking keep living my life along the fucking asymptote of getting consistently closer to dying alone but "haha technically its not a certainty" and . like theres just something so fucking repulsive about me and i just cant seem to fix it no matter what. and im so exhausted all the time. and i genuinely dont think theres any way out of that . i go to work and i come home so burnt out and tired. and people are nice there but i dont think i can really connect with anyone . i just cant seem to get close to people . and i dont have it within me to meet anyone else because im so fucking tired all of the time .

and even if i did and i mustered all the energy and spent all the little time i had left in the world i dont think theyd have time for me. not just bc nobody in their 20s does but also because i dont know . it just never seems to work . and i cant do it again where i try to invest every little piece of me into it when its jsut always left me fucking miserable and pathetic. bro do you know what i mean. not to be 16 and lame as shit still. i feel like im always the idiot ppl take pity on at best . i dont think ive ever been real to anybody. like alwaysssssss...... and even now i feel like every time I HAVE existed within circles of others. its literally 10 times out of 10 just constantly fighting to be included and seen as someone whos not a fucking joke and i just feel like such a fucking . loser for caring so much about it when. REALISTICALLY. pretty much all the people ive met in life will have forgotten i exist. and ok. ok. i just dont think ... like its not like some trait within me right like ... im not As melodramatic to be like oh . oh theres an actual innate trait within me thats activated and stops people liking me. just. the contrary like. i just think theres nothing within me to actually like . or to gravitate towards. so likeyeah sure . that makes sense. why WOULD you want to bother with someone whos just kinda hollow or whatever.. something something or other. and i kind of wish i was more resilient about tht. but i jsut . i guess as is a Guy of that Nature, its just ... im trying to fucking not fucking spiral but i just feel myself fucking filling up with fucking . miserable SHITTY bile or whatever because i just wish i felt normal or whatever. its such a fucking human fucking thing that other people can MANAGE. but i cant . its so so fucking hard and i cant do it and i cant handle it. and i just feel so angry sometimes anyways . bc i hate it . and i keep trying bc i wanna make peace with it because i know theres no out . like ive long since given up on ever thinking its going to work out . because nothing fucking helps but makes it so much worse . anyways. i dont know. but i dont know bro. it drives me fucking insane when people always spout some bs about how "haha everyone has someone! everyone will find someone! like no they dont no they wont . its so .. so much more isolating. or like "EVERYONEEE feels lonely sometimes" like HOW does that help. HOW. and it makes it so MUCH FUCKING WORSEEEE when people tell you about how lonely they are too!!! like cool . i dont have a chance then. sorry i know thats such a bitter bitch thing to say. but idk if it rlly matters like ... at the end of the day idc when ppl have partners. or people they talk to. family who loves them. and youre still lonely. cool. thank you for letting me know, dude. go back to the people who will look out for you and love you whilst i sit in the dark and not speak to anyone for weeks whilst not a single person would even notice im gone .

or like. bro. i dont think a single person has taken me seriously for long enough to ever fucking like me or hold me in enough regard to like... want to talk to me again nevermind like be with me in a certain sense so i jsut. i dont know. sits alone. every fucking day for years maybe. i dont know. i feel so fucking sad and angry knowing deep down that i can know all this and know its true but even then . i cant even have that . people wont even take THAT part of me seriouslyand think im just some fucking idiot whos not even trying. when i really reallyhave but its just so... worthless it feels like . it feels like im never getting anywhere and everyone thinks i just gave up when i didnt. and i dont know. thar makes it sound like people actually see me and really are laughing or something when i dont think its nearly that much. i think its like oh people see me make that as a snap judgement and i fall out of existence again. and i dont know. it shouldnt matter but i feel so fucking strung out and exist between these instances only and idk. idk bro. im trying to be okay with it. but as im getting older i just feel like theres so many more things that are revealing themselves as worse and worse. and im going crazy. im going crazzzzzzyyyy . whatever . insert the mental breakdown gifs . the funny ones where those guys aremoving really fast

[fish-bowl-2]

okay lmao you don't have to answer them all but im interested in your hot takes when you have time

7, 8, 9, 13, 16, 19, 21, 22, 24

😁 we need something to talk about in this micro fandom

Oh boy oh boy...

7. What character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because of how the fandom acts about them? Honestly, a bit of a hard one for me to answer because I don't really have one. I mean, there are always going to be fandom interpretations I am not into, but even so I don't really let that influence how I feel about the actual characters. A lot of those fandom interpretations don't seem to be the overwhelming majority anymore either. I feel that if I was invested in the EEnE fandom back in 2013-2014 I would absolutely be tired of Kevin, but that isn't really the case anymore. As far as I can see lol.

8. Common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about? That all the Kanker sisters (excluding May) are irredeemable and will never break out of whatever cycle they are present to at home. I mean, I'm not asking for any neatly packaged happy ending when I say that, but idk, despite my issues with their lack of development and presentation on the show, I think they are really interesting. If you want to get deep, they are just kids after all, with a lot of room for change in their life going forward. I like to think that they ALL go onto better things. Better can be open to interpretation. I do not mean any kind of stereotypical college degree manicured lawn and job type stuff. Satisfaction can look like a multitude of things. A lot of people apply this to May, which is great! But does that have to mean pushing aside Marie and Lee in the process? I personally don't think that is very fair.

9. Worst part of canon? Harassment when it is girls towards boys = funny : / Also, this is more of a fandom thing, but there are so many youtube videos where ppl are titling them stuff like "Kanker sisters RAPE Eds" like wow so edgy and funny guys how about we keep this in 2009?

13. Worst blorbofication? Absolutely Edd. No argument. I don't think that this is an unpopular sentiment nowadays either. It has been discussed to earth and back at this point.

16. You can't understand why so many people like this thing: - That in high school/college Edd will make a complete 360 change in personality and become a complete bad-boy shadow the hedgehog recolor. Granted, I do think that Edd will grow to tone down his anxiety over following rules, BUT to completely change is out of the question. This is still Edd we're talking about. Rebelling for him would be something like jaywalking or wearing shoes inside someone's house he doesn't like. It nags me a bit when people completely ignore the defined quirks and personality of a character in favor of creating a whole new oc. You can of course be inspired by a character you like to create your own, but how about present them as that? - That Edd will start to drift away from Eddy and Ed as he grows older, or the other way around and Eddy and/or Ed drift away from Edd. I don't get how this head-canon keeps popping up. The WHOLE point of the show is their friendship and that they are blood brothers and meant for each other!!! This goes beyond their diverging interests and personalities!! The actual show proved this with the movie!! "But lots of people don't stay friends with the people they knew from childhood" umm and lots of people do? I am still closest with my middle school friends then any other people I've met in adulthood. My dad doesn't talk to anyone from university but still meets up with his childhood friends. And even so, I just don't understand the appeal. Their friendship kind of IS the whole show, and doing away with that ultimately defeats the purpose for me. I find it a lot more interesting to delve into aspects like how they would uphold these connections and friendships into adulthood, when work and responsibilities makes it a lot harder to get together regularly.

19. You're mad/ashamed/horrified you actually kind of like... Ngl I can't help feeling kind of shy about being super invested in a slapstick cartoon that came out nearly three decades ago. Even when I am talking to other cartoon/animation fans, I feel a bit silly about wanting to analyze their dynamics and traits when most people casually just remember the show as fun slapstick (of course it is but I also wanna get insane about it without being seen as MysteriousMrEnter or smth lmao).

21. Part of canon you think is overhyped? "What is under Double Dee's hat, guys?" "Why have they never confirmed what is under there?" "Any one else disappointed that they never showed Edd without his hat?" Umm idc lol

22. Your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores? - Probably the connection between Ed and Double Dee. I think it is really cute. I love how so many episodes kind of have them hanging out together. I don't think people acknowledge enough how their dynamic works. It is very Autism 2 Autism, like Edd gets to kind of info-dump about whatever to Ed, and even if Ed has no clue what he is talking about, he still enjoys the company and has fun in listening and partaking in whatever Edd is invested in. - I always really dig how Nazz is depicted kind of "cool" and "sporty". Idk it could have been very easy to make her just any kind of popular girl trope, but she kind of holds her own (even if she is super underdeveloped compared to the other characters). I think it makes her friendship with Kevin interesting. - On that note, I also really like Kevin and Rolf's dynamics in their friendship. I do actually see people discuss this a bunch, but I felt like I had to mention it. I really like how the typical American Apple Pie jock is besties with the foreigner with odd customs and both are kind of at an equal footing to each other. - Sarah is insanely strong, like almost on the same level as Ed. What is in that family's genes??

24. Topic that brings up the most rancid discourse? Shipping, probably. (When is it not shipping).

[nightmare-dreamt]

Hello! If you have the time can I get a matchup please? For twst, mha and hq!! Thank you❤️ I'll try to keep it brief to save your poor eyes from straining too much 😂

physical: im a tall bean hehe, about 6 ft tall and curvy! I have curly long hair to the middle of my back and cat eyes. (I don't really care about height so someone shorter is okay with me, so long as they are okay with my height too ☺️)

personality: im the funny friend but also the mom friend lol. Everyone comes to me for advice and to have a good time. I can be a bit bashful but nothing a bit of ice breaking cant fix. I'm extremely affectionate and love to love lol also i can be a bit playful!

hobbies: im into art, particularly digital , sculpting and painting. I really like singing!

likes: i like relaxing and peaceful atmospheres. As much as i like to have a good time with my friends, i really enjoy coming home at the end of the day and relaxing/winding down

Thank you again- ive been reading through all the matchups you did so far so im excited for mine! Have a great day 😊

Matchup for Anon!

Twisted Wonderland: Ruggie Bucchi

From the looks of it, you guys have similar personalities that range from being cheerful and a little mischievous/playful. From my point of view, I think people who have similar personalities tend to be more connected and share more interests with each other having a stronger relationship.

During the weekends when the two of you aren't in the mood to do much or interact with people, a day of relaxing is what you both need. You guys remain in bed, still in your pajamas watching some new movie while cuddling close with each other. When you fall asleep on him, all he'll do is watch your sleeping form, softly breathing with your eyes fluttering closed.

Mha: Momo Yaoyoruzo

You guys had similar friend groups and both were marked as the mom friends, always being there for the group and each other when needing advice or some help: When Momo doesn't know when to do something and can't make a decision for herself, she'll come to you for help. When she gets nervous as well, one trip to your dorm immediately makes all of her nerves go away.

Affection isn't something she thinks is important in a relationship, but it is something she would like to be in one. From hugging to holding hands, she is fine with all of it as long as it doesn't get in the way of her studies. On four guys day off, she'll take the two of you out to the town and the two of you will walk around holding hands or standing close to each other, embracing the others warmth.

She is a big fan of creativity, especially art. When she sees art she is immediately invested wanting to know everything about it. Art is definitely a passion of hers enjoying all sorts of pieces even the ones that are painted or drawn.

Haikyuu: Nishinoya Yuu

At first, he was jealous of your tall demeanor but within time he learned to get along with you and love your height, thinking that it was super cool. He's definitely one of those guys who grabs a chair just to be the same height or even taller than his partner. One time, the two of you were at an amusement park when he was stopped in line for a roller coaster to be asked if you were riding with him just like they ask little kids who are too short to ride some of the rides. He was embarrassed after that.

The two of you are always joking or playing around with each other, either teasing the other person or making a joke that you guys thought was funny. There have been a couple of scoldings when the two of you were off class, but your laughter was always hard to keep in and always seemed to find a way out when around him.

[rotshop]

Ouuu whos medbs favorite teammate and also whats with the ring on his necklace.... (lemme know if i send too many asks im soso curious eeheehee)

DW !!!! i like your questions they're always fun epic and make me think

medbs favorite teammate is a hard question BUT !!! i think he's got a mixed opinion on his favorite. he'd probably say june but that's moreso just because she's a scout, which makes her harder to hit because she's such a fast moving target. the enemy scout is always a pain in the ass to get a good slash on [especially with all the grating commentary, its enough to make him reconsider keeping appearences and composure and just go to town on this guy], but that's more of a detached analysis of favoritism, isn't it? and then he'd start thinking and humming and hawing like he doesnt see these people every single day. and then he'd say medic because he likes being kritzkrieg'd.

what he wouldn't say is that he appreciates them all pretty evenly. he's not a super talkative person when it doesn't come to something he's deeply invested in but he finds himself enjoying being dragged into movie nights and being reminded to come get dinner before it gets cold unless he wants someone to bring him a plate instead. but that's a little too sappy for his tastes and its much easier to praise the artificials of their career.

im thinking the ring is most likely just a family heirloom, brought it with him as something of a good luck charm and as some tangible proof that, while he didn't get into the demolition business like they'd been hoping, he's still connected to them and apart of the family. smiles.

[ickie-vicky]

acknowledging that the binary exists AS a social construct, as an idea, is not agreeing with or following the binary. im not sure you understood me at all, maybe i wasnt clear enough. i am a gender abolitionist.

when i speak of gender i am using it as a general term to describe peoples connections to their identity and body on a more spiritual sense. it is abstract and undefined, because it is inherently subjective. everyone single person has a different felt sense of identity. the way we traditionally understand gender is through the lens of the binary, i do not. so i can understand your confusion. but yea, hopefully ive made it clearer, at least somewhat, that i do not believe in gender in a way that has anything to do with current understanding of that term.

and i understand that not everyone believes me, or even has been exposed to ideas like i have enough to form perspectives like this. so i am very understanding of people reinforcing the binary in some ways as a way to find deeper self meaning. there are obviously more outwardly harmful ways to do this, like feeding into toxic masculinity as a means of finding acceptance. but i dont prescribe to black and white thinking as much as possible (though, as an autistic person, that is my natural way of thinking). there is always nuance, there is grey. i even empathise with your position. its fuckin scary out here and of course you want to protect your interests as much as possible, and of those in similar circumstances. i respect that need, i dont respect the avenue youve chosen to meet it.

so while i dont believe in or agree with the gender binary and all that comes with it, im not going to demonise or vilify those that do, within reason.

so much of what you post makes it out like trans people ARE the enemy. that we are the ones doing active harm, not the ones being actively harmed. things like saying trans women are predators looking to enter womens spaces and erase them or assault them. OR that you believe we are defenseless, mentally ill little girls who have been lead astray and transed, forced to mutilate ourselves. like just such extreme and dehumanising beliefs. and its so sad because none of it is really actually logical or backed up by reason. its like, i agree with you up to a point and then we just veer sooo far into different extremes. the difference being mine advocates for collective and individual empowerment and health, while yours serves to create more divide and pain for all involved.

truly impressive display of doublethink that you repeatedly claim to be a gender abolitionist and also in support of transgender ideology

gender abolitionism good = transgender ideology bad

transgender ideology good = gender abolitionism bad

you simply can’t have both - these are by definition mutually exclusive beliefs. it doesn’t get more black and white than this. this isn’t a nuanced point

you are so invested in your ideology that you are engaging in doublethink - holding two contradictory beliefs and fighting tooth and nail to argue they align so you don’t have to admit you are wrong

do you really not see that?

how do you continue arguing with me with no shame when you are so clearly wrong?

you saying your ideology “advocates for collective and individual empowerment and health” and mine does not is laughably incorrect

the brutal truth: identifying as transgender is a self-centred and harmful ‘solution’ to a systemic societal problem.

you can’t abolish gender alone, so instead you buy into trans ideology for relief.

you don’t care/can’t acknowledge that this harms women because at least you’re alleviating your dysphoria - and that’s what matters to you.

your life has been hard so you must be right - your suffering proves your virtue. you are the hero and the underdog in your own story and everyone who criticises you is ‘harming’ you. any action you take to should be free from criticism because you are a good person just trying to alleviate your own pain.

you simply cannot bear to admit that your suffering does not exempt you from responsibility for causing harm in upholding patriarchy, which is what you are doing

because you have made your ideology a part of your identity you can’t even entertain criticism as it is now a personal attack against you

you call me saying this ‘vilifying’ trans people because it’s impossible for you to admit what you’re doing is wrong

gender is sexist. transgender ideology is sexist. you still haven’t refuted this.

you’re still not defining gender in a way that isn’t sexist - you’re just desperately trying to obfuscate and distance yourself from the truth which is gender = sexist stereotypes about womanly and manly feelings, behaviour, appearance, etc.

your ideology is inherently sexist

just be yourself and do whatever the fuck you want. you must not support the patriarchy by giving yourself a ‘gender identity’ to cope

this will be my last response as this is now arguing-with-a-conspiracy-theorist territory

i hope this has prompted others to genuinely reflect if not anon

[literalite]

i’m not that same genshin anon, but what are your opinions on fontaine so far!?

HEYY NEW ANON LETS GET INTO IT 💪🏼💞

(spoilers for the 4.0 archon quest obviously 🥰 also massive block of text and this was me trying to keep it brief idk this has been the most interesting genshin has been for me in a hot sec)

i ammmmm not a fan of the new pneuma/ousia system.. ik they gave us lyney and hydro traveller have that inherently but to be totally frank i dont appreciate being basically told to build characters that i dont actually want to 🕊 if they had to implement this i would have preferred that all existing playable characters have an affinity toward one or the other that only triggers inside the borders of fontaine. bcos there (from how much of the region ive seen so far) doesnt seem to be a super solid lore reason as to why only fontaine characters and inexplicably the traveller have exclusive access to arkhe system it just feels unnecessary i dunnoooo. tbh tho i am being sort of nitpicky with this like i dont Need to have arkhe using characters in my party to do decent i can just tank it

i like the nation design! it feels very exciting. ratiowise it feels a bit awkward to have so much of the nation dedicated to the ocean, would have loved an extended sewer system that went into the sea as well so u could access it from both inside the city and in the sea. im a big fan of the steampunk aesthetic and i do wish they'd leant into it a bitttt more as opposed to the art deco. i like grunge sue me. i love the aquabuses and i wish there were more of them but perhaps a bit faster 😅 not the most entertaining mode of transport but my graphic settings arent the highest so i could be missing some of the scenery aspect of it

ok onto the archon quest. to my surprise i actually enjoyed it i thought it was silly and over the top but not in a wholly offputting way. like was it goofy and did i have to suspend my disbelief very hard yes but when i managed it i still had a fun time. childe getting knocked out in one go by neuvillette was def a highlight to me as well as pretty much all of navia's scenes she's such a cool character i really connected with her i think and i hope she comes back for more later down the line and we get some more background on her and clorinde's relationship (or lack of one? not sure what their deal is specifically but giving off immense toxic yuri which.. YESS) before clorinde killed her dad. i appreciated the balance between the expected lighter portions of the quests with the darker themes and stuff (the prophecy, lynette's trafficking, the injustices that the so called nation of justice metes out to its people) i think it was handled decently. all the characters felt like that had a solid reason for being incorporated into the quest itself (my main issue with sumeru's archon quest was how it felt like it was just introducing us to as many characters as they could just for the sake of it and no actual plot reason *cough* dori) and all were realistic and nuanced enough to hold their own in the overall sequence of events. VERY invested in the next installment of the quests in the next update in a way that i don't think i've been since the disappointment that was the final truncated and weirdly paced parts of the inazuma archon quest, sumeru felt like a whole new writing team finding their feet in genshins lore and this nation's quest has so far felt like they've def found their footing

i like lyney and lynette and freminet, theyre a really interesting set of characters and everyone who called them being fatui is surely very pleased with themselves gfhjkl i do find i guess for lack of a better word child soldiers as a narrative point really compelling to me (coughs in sunao kimura), and their clear loyalty and "love" towards arlecchino feels like it will pay off in a big way later down the line, for better or for worse. i did not see lyney being groomed to be the next "father" of the house of the hearth coming so when i looked into all of their voicelines that genuinely surprised me and opens up a lot of questions as to how the harbinger structure works or at least how arlecchino's place in the harbingers works. does this mean if/when arlecchino dies lyney takes her place as a harbinger as well or is her position as harbinger separate from her position as "father"? theyre making the fatui a lot more interesting to me personally as the plot goes on which is a good thing because i was really not into the whole two bit villain thing they were pushing in the really early parts of the game

in terms of who im going for i would like neuvillette i am not immune to lame dude with long hair. to be honest. also if navia has a good kit i might go for her actually because she was a stand out character in this archon quest in a way i really was not expecting like at all so. big fan of her