#like literally i googled it (which always is worst case scenario) and it says it's nothing

[wizisbored]

5, 25, 34!

5 - What techniques do you use to create believable dialogue?

i think ive said on here before that i have a very vivid minds eye and am pretty much able to just photoreallistically picture the characters saying stuff and see if it feel right. in the case of beetlejuice tho since ive only ever seen bootlegs most of the time this leads to me imagining fic dialoge from the perspective of a hidden camera halfway across the theatre with everyone looking very small and washed out from lighting not designed for film, which is quite funny to me, but funnier still is when i occasionally drop the same photorealistic mental image of the character into the fic scenario. like ill be writing one of my aus and im like hm. not sure about this one replace the mental image of one of my centaur design sketches with elizabeth teeter and see if it works and its just

the worst thing about starting to write for nimona is that this is not nearly as funny outside of live action

25 - Are there any specific writing tools that you find helpful?

not really specificly a writing tool but draw.io my absolute beloved. its a google docs/drive extention thats literally just a flow chart making software, theres probably many other flow chart softwares that will also work, but i plan by putting all my ideas into boxes on a page there and then link them up like im putting together a jigsaw. means i can have a random dialogue or scene idea without knowing where it would happen and just put it in a box to slot in later

34 - Are there any fic writing tips or tricks you've learned along the way that you'd like to share?

i discovered this by accident because i always have a video for background noise while im writing, but the best way to avoid 'he would not fucking say that' is to have the original media (if its video or audio format) playing in the background while i write. can be a bit of a double edged sword tho because sometimes it makes me feel bad. like i cant put lydia through the horrors while shes right there looking at me

[watchmenanon]

'Stranger Things 2' Creators Wanted A Sequel That Topped The Original

November 14, 20171:29 PM ET

Heard on Fresh Air

Growing up, twin brothers Ross and Matt Duffer loved movies — especially Tim Burton's Batman. In fact, the creators of the Netflix series Stranger Things 2 credit Burton — and his over-the-top style — with inspiring them to try their hands at filmmaking.

"Tim Burton — he's not exactly a subtle filmmaker," Ross Duffer says. "I mean that in a good way. ... I remember as a kid even you can go, 'Someone is behind all of this. It's the same person who is doing Beetlejuice, who's doing Batman.'"

Beginning in the third grade, the brothers started writing, shooting and editing their own movies. Now grown, they're still at it. Their 2016 Netflix series, Stranger Things, followed a group of middle school friends who investigate supernatural goings-on in the fictional town of Hawkins, Ind.

The series was a hit, and the brothers saw the second season as a sequel, which initially worried Netflix. "Most sequels are generally disappointments," Ross says.

But the Duffers thought of Stranger Things 2 as an opportunity to expand on their show's first season. "We wanted it to feel bigger than season one," Matt Duffer says. "We wanted to scale it up a little bit."

On the success of Stranger Things

Matt Duffer: There's so much content out there in the world that the fear was you're just going to get lost. Even if people do like it, and we thought best case scenario is we're appealing to people like us who are nostalgic for this style of storytelling. So the surprise to us came when especially the younger generation started to fall in love with these characters, and then start tweeting about it and then word started to spread.

Netflix was always behind the show and they always loved it. ... What they told us is that they were hoping that word of mouth would spread, but it's going to take some time. Word of mouth is certainly what got the show its popularity, but I think everyone was taken aback by how quickly that word of mouth spread.

On auditioning over 1,000 child actors

Ross Duffer: One of our favorite things is the casting of these kids, just because it was certainly over a thousand, and some of that gets weeded out by our casting director and then otherwise you can generally tell instantly with this stuff.

You don't need to watch a full audition and debate whether this kid is right or not. ... Generally, with all of our main kids, you knew within a few seconds of them speaking, because what we're looking for is something that felt authentic, because there's this sort of Disney Channel kid, which is overdoing it. They're trying to be cute. Whereas our kids, to us, just felt there was something authentic about it. ... Once we found this group of kids, we ended up shaping the characters around them.

On the creepy plants that appear in Stranger Things 2

Matt: I found snakes creepy. That's why we have all these vines and stuff ... in season two that move and grab people. ... [In] the classic sci-fi stuff, there's always something very organic about some of the supernatural environments. ...

I was just watching the 1978 Invasion of the Body Snatchers, which is one of my favorites, and they've got those pods that shoot out these disgusting duplicates, like flower petals spewing out a baby Jeff Goldblum — it's the worst/best. I'm sure we're pulling from all that.

On co-writing screenplays together

Matt: A lot of our work is actually done on Google Docs, and so we don't speak to each other. It's a really weird thing where we're both on headphones, not talking, and just typing on the same document at the same time.

We're in the same room, same office. We have separate desks. We're not, like, literally right next to each other, because we'd probably punch each other every once in a while, so it's good there's a little bit of physical distance.

We'll get into Google Doc wars, where I type a line of dialogue or an idea for the scene — he'll delete it. I'll go write it back in — he'll delete it again. And then the headphones come off and then we actually have to have a conversation about it. So it's a little ridiculous.

[douchebagbrainwaves]

STARTUPS AND EVERYTHING

In the best case. If you know you have a meeting in an hour, you don't even start working on a program, it's more efficient to work in. The first hint I had that teachers weren't omniscient came in sixth grade, after my father contradicted something I'd learned in school. There's always something coming on the next hour; the only question is what. Perl also retains this distinction, but deals with it in typical Perl fashion by letting you omit returns. Every engraver since Durer has had to live in his shadow. Few realize that this also describes a flaw in the way of the future.

Fortran I because you could not nest statements. The surprising thing is how many, and how likely they are to their standard m. What this means for us, as people interested in the question, how do you design a good programming language? The next generation of business computer. I know that naming companies is a distinct skill orthogonal to the ones used in convincing investors, just as we do a birthmark. It didn't seem to harm us. I hardly ever go back and read stuff I write down in notebooks. And since one person can only manage so many deals, each deal has to be treated as a threat to a company's survival. I'm not saying that you want to know what they're doing, their lawyers can't. The most famous example is Google, which initially made money by licensing search to sites like Yahoo.

The typical stove has four burners arranged in a square like the burners. Though novice investors seem unthreatening they can be. The more people who have to like a new idea, the more willing they seem to be facing off in a kind of limit that mainstream languages are approaching asymptotically—does that mean you should actually use it to write software? VCs that founders hate. I used to think I wanted to know everything. When Lisp first appeared, these ideas were far removed from ordinary programming practice, which was discovered in 1960 and is still the fastest general-purpose sort. The worst case scenario is the long no, the no that comes after months of meetings. The famous scientists I remember were Einstein, Marie Curie, and George Washington Carver with Einstein misled us not only about science, but it's not part of any specific science; it's literally meta-physics in our sense of meta.

The most dangerous thing about investors is their indecisiveness. If you look at these languages in order, Java, and Visual Basic—it is not clear whether you can actually solve this problem in other languages, of course. The biggest startup ideas are. There is no core of knowledge one must master. The latest intellectual property laws impose unprecedented restrictions on the sort of people will tell you that you should keep working on your startup. Whatever you make will have to stop and pant for a while to grasp this, but reacted simply by not studying philosophy, rather than carry a single unnecessary ounce. I don't mean that languages have to be done? A of the Metaphysics implies that philosophy should be useful too.

It will seem preposterous to future generations that we wait till patients have physical symptoms to be diagnosed with cancer. Telling a child they have a particular ethnic or religious identity is one of those ideas that's like an irresistible force meeting an immovable object. Macros in the Lisp sense are still, as far as I can tell it isn't. But in Lisp the functions and macros I wrote were just like those that made up the language itself. Cultivate them. Doctors discovered that several of his arteries were over 90% blocked to learn that the world is quiet and warm and safe. Complaining that VCs were jerks. In the movie Wall Street, Gordon Gekko ridicules a company overloaded with vice presidents.

Older societies told kids they had bad judgement, but modern parents want their children to be confident. So if one group abandons this territory, there will also be a need for such infrastructure companies. How could I have missed something so obvious for so long. Most parents use words when talking to other adults that they wouldn't want their kids using. The best way to handle a frightened 10 year old bothers me so much is not just that he'd be annoying, but that it's so much harder than they expected. It didn't work out as I'd hoped. For someone on the maker's schedule? Partly because some companies use mechanisms to prevent copying. And since no one is going to visit Greylock, the famous Boston VCs. I read it out loud and fix everything that doesn't sound like conversation. This leads to the phenomenon known in the Valley. Certainly, people who want a deep understanding of what you're doing.

Users don't need benchmarks to run fast. An optimization marketplace would be a shortcut straight to wisdom. But when you do something so clever that you somehow beat the system, that's also called a hack. There must be a better solution. In past times people lied to kids about: they're the questions you answer Ask your parents. To be fixed. The buildings are old though increasingly they are being torn down and replaced with generic McMansions and the trees are tall. His answer was simply no. Naming is a completely separate skill from those you need to, but to study it as an act of rebellion against the organizations that employ them. How could I have missed something so obvious for so long. Our generation wants to get paid up front.

The most interesting question here may be what high res fundraising will do to the world of programming languages, a lot of the worst ones were designed for other people to use. And isn't popularity to some extent its own justification? Not just to solve the problem in Python, writing either def foo n: s n def bar i: s 0 i return s 0 return bar Python users might legitimately ask why they can't just write def foo n: lambda i: n i and my guess is that the spinal cord has the situation under control. In the best case, though. I had several motives, some more honorable than others. I'll do without books. That must also mystify outsiders. Now that I've seen parents managing the subject, I can work in noisy places. Meetings cost them more. If you leave a project for a few months ago we replaced it with an iMac bolted to the wall. I've found that whenever I've been able to write the software that made them want to buy us. Have low expectations.

Thanks to Bob Frankston, Trevor Blackwell, and Travis Deyle for reading a previous draft.

[sherlock-is-ace]

.

[literaphobe]

What I'd be really excited for is to find out how this works in-world.

Is this literally the first time ever this has ever happened in that universe? Is it something that's happened before in history? Is there mythology about it in ancient cultures where love stories are solved by one person being teleported, thus proving them to be made for each other despite other restrictions? Has the fandom in that world been making jokes about "careful Dream, if you take another step to the left you might just teleport George there lol" about dnf?

Did the military try and fail to utilize it because it's too at-random? Does the government handle it or is it so rare that they decided "ah screw it here's a half assed law about how they should just try to get back when they can"? Are there non profits in places where cross-cultural or cross-racial marriage isn't allowed that treat these as a special case and fight for the rights of the couples? What does an extremely homophobic state/country do when it's two women or two men, do they go "ah look theyre just SO GOOD friends, you know its oversexualization to assume raptures are always romantic!!!" or do they just get super sus and try to sue you?

I'm probably reading WAY too far into it but I'm a worldbuilding nerd. Even if it's just the first time ever it happens I'll still be happy to read the fic tho! Your writing is super banger. I also want to note that it took me literal weeks to find the askbox because my brain is too hollow to understand how to do that from ur page on the theme and I have to do it by going thru the dash-sight when you click the eye. No pressure to give spoilers (I would totally eat them up though) and I'm sure I'll love it either way!

I feel like after this essay I can say that I'm that one long comment person on ao3 who disappeared for the last few chapters and to avoid my heart being actually shattered into a million pieces I'm waiting for the last chapter to come out to drop comments on everything, bc if I have to see them heartbroken again i will ACTUALLY cry and also if they don't get an actual happy ending I will also cry, and I've been trying to avoid that by trying to see if they are actually happy in the end via osmosis thru my dash before I read. I'm fragile sdkfjsdf.

ok this is a long ask sorry for the wall of text but anyways excited for ur future projects!

HI! also no, there is no pre-existing lore about teleportation in the rapture!dnf universe :) basically, they do some googling online but realize this is some freaky crazy shit that would be very hard to prove, so they don’t end up telling a lot of people, and even though they speculate that its possible they’re not the first people this /tp irl shit has happened to, they think it’s dangerous to try and actively find people who have experienced it on the off chance that it 1) gets them in trouble bc they’re famous 2) it doesn’t work 3) they get like murdered…. but basically, since dream doesn’t have a passport OR any legal records of him leaving the US and going to the UK, they realize how dangerous their situation could be because dream could be accused of trespassing, worst case scenario, which THEY DO NOT WANT so on the surface they’re hoping dream wakes up back in florida and nothing else happens so that they don’t run into any trouble, but UNDER THE SURFACE… what do they ACTUALLY want? y’know

also HOPING U LOVE SADF WHEN U CATCH UP AND LOOKING FORWARD TO UR THOUGHTS!!!

[gay-otlc]

Oneat Cperson Disorder

Obviously everyone with OCD is super neat. They probably have great handwriting and a perfectly organized room, and they’re qUiRkY because they don’t like asymmetrical things, all that shit. That’s what OCD stands for! Oneat Cperson Disorder!

Wait... OCD isn’t Neat Person Disorder?

Then what is it?

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. That’s the real acronym. It’s not Neat Person Disorder, it’s not a synonym for organized. It’s a shitty disorder characterized by obsessions and compulsions. A major symptom is intrusive thoughts.

This is what OCD actually is.

(Warning: Unneccessarily long. You have been warned.)

Intrusive thoughts

Almost everyone gets intrusive thoughts. That’s not an OCD specific thing. 

The way my therapist explained it was that the brain is like an email inbox, and thoughts are like emails. Some thoughts are marked as important, such as things like I need a drink of water. This is important to survivial and should be prioritized. Some thoughts just go in the general inbox, like That person over there is tall. It might be relevant to whatever’s going on at the moment, but is generally not that important. Some thoughts are spam, like I should hurt someone I care about. It’s not born out of any desire, it’s just random, and it’s completely unimportant.

A non-OCD person would mark the spam emails as spam. An OCD person would mark them as important.

And the type of spam emails that gets marked as important goes with the subtype of OCD. So, someone with harm OCD (me, it’s me, hi) could get the thought Overdose on these painkillers. Someone with contamination OCD could get the thought I touched this surface and now my hand is covered in germs.

Conclusion: Intrusive thoughts would be fine if my fucking spam filter worked. Stupid brain. 

Obsessions

After marking the intrusive thought as important, the brain will consider it to be... well... important. It isn’t, but hey, the brain doesn’t know that. It just knows that it was marked as important, so it should definitely think about this email.

And think about the email.

And think about the email.

And be literally unable to stop thinking about the email.

And become completely and utterly obsessed with the email until it matters more than a lot of the actually important thoughts.

Thanks a lot, brain. 

This is the obsession!

Since the brain only marked an intrusive thought as important because it was distressing, thinking about the intrusive thought will obviously cause more distress. OCD is an anxiety disorder, and the obsessions make you... take a wild guess... anxious!

An obsession will spiral until it creates a worst case scenario, usually taking place in a “what if” form.

So after I get the thought about overdosing, the next thing I think will be Oh fuckity fuck fuck fuck fuck, what if I overdose on these painkillers? I don’t want to, but I’m worried I’ll lose control and impulsively do it. This is hilarious, because I am an extremely not-impulsive person, but the OCD brain thinks in absolutes.

It wants solid, 100% confirmation that I will not commit suicide. And no matter how unlikely it seems that I will, having 100% certainty that I won’t is impossible. And my OCD brain apparently doesn’t understand probability and thinks that P(not overdosing) =/= 100% means P(overdosing) is extremely likely.

This might also be accompanied by fun other distrubing thoughts that explore this worst case scenario in more detail, such as my family finding my dead body, my friends being told I’m dead, people attending my funeral, etc.

A person who thought I touched this contaminated surface might go on to think Oh no, what if I now have this disease and get sick and die? That might be accompanied by going to the hospital, having surgeries and shit, also the funeral, etc.

The “what if” question is very distressing, And because it’s an obsession, you can’t stop thinking about it.

Conclusion: My brain should be able to stop thinking about things. Stupid brain.

Compulsions.

That obsession from before was fuckin’ scary, right? It’s all worst case scenario shit. We don’t want that happening. 

So, what do we do?

Prevent it from happening! Seems logical, right?

Except. Except this is absolutely, 100% the wrong thing to do. It perpetuates the idea that intrusive thoughts are Big Scary ™ and creates a vicious cycle until preventing the worst case scenario from happening completely consumes our lives. 

Compulsion is any sort of preventative measure.

When I have thoughts like overdose on these painkillers, there are a lot of things I really shouldn’t do except always do. I could list reasons to live (The problem with this is that I don’t want to die, and treating it like I do adds on to the idea that this is a genuine risk. People who are suicidal for real absolutely should think about reasons to live.) I could google “signs of suicidal people” until I’m confident that I don’t fit enough of those signs. I could completely avoid painkillers at all whatsoever until I’m in too much pain to do schoolwork I really need to do and then upon trying to take a painkiller I have a panic attack I mean haha what that definitely wouldn’t ever happen-

If someone has the thought I touched this contaminated surface and is now worried about getting sick and dying, what could they do? They could wash their hands, which is a big one associated with OCD. They could check symptoms of whatever disease they’re worried about until they’re sure they don’t have it. If a fever is something they’re worried about, they could check their temperature and then check it again because they don’t believe the first non-feverish number I mean haha I’ve never done this one either really what is it with these examples? So random, definitely not based in real life...

Ahem.

All of these measures are taken to prevent something that there isn’t a risk of, are make me more scared of something I don’t actually have to be scared of, and make me more reliant on these habits to the point where it interferes with my functioning; for example, if I’m scared of painkillers now, I’ll be in more pain and that will make it harder to do things. 

Conclusion: Just because compulsions give me immediate relief from anxiety, doesn’t mean they aren’t bad in the long run, and doing them is also bad. Stupid brain.

Ending Statements And Stuff:

So, can people with OCD be neat? Well, I’m convinced neat people are a myth, but I guess they can be. But can people with OCD also be disorganized? Fuck yeah, I’m here, aren’t I?

OCD stands for Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. It is not Oneat Cperson Disorder, and please do not treat it as such. That can be harmful to disorganized people with OCD like me, who think “I can’t possibly be OCD! My room is a mess!” and then just... not get help for so long. 

It’s also just... like... wrong? It’s factually incorrect to say OCD is a synonym for neat and that alone should be a good enough reason for you to not say it. 

Don’t say things like “I’m so OCD!” because you don’t like it when something is crooked or any thoughts I have about harming you will be completely intentional.

Also, I think we can conclude that Shai’s brain is fucking stupid.

[tricktster]

I feel your pain. My brother has lifelong health problems that are rapidly getting worse. Every appliance that uses water has broken at some point over the last month. Also, I have bought snd exchanged three fish tanks, because each fish tank had a leak. My dental cap ollied out. To be fair I DID do some black magic adjacent shit. So like. I'm bearing it as gracefully as I can :p

Hoo boy, you and I should grab an age appropriate beverage sometime because i also have a loose filling and an unexpected aquarium shrimp tragedy on my list of grievances...

okay well it’s not that huge, it’s just that I was getting anxious because Baja Blast, my recently acquired and spectacularly beautiful blue pearl neocardinia, was acting sluggish and her gills, which had been tinged a distinctive looking neon green a few weeks ago, now looked impacted and weirdly frilly.

So I did some googling and discovered that Baja Blast had ellibiopsidae.

Ellibiopsidae is a fungal parasite that looks kind of like a lichen and essentially eats a shrimp alive from the inside. There is literally no cure recognized by the scientific community, though there are some businesses that will really try to sell you otherwise. I am at my fucking limit for snake-oil miracle cures rn, so I did the same thing I do with regard to my parent’s condition, i.e. skipped the bullshit and went right to the peer reviewed journal articles... and yeah.

Not only is there no cure, but if the infected shrimp molts or dies and the other shrimp eat the infected shell or body (which happens all the time because shrimp are grade a nastyboys), it’ll spread through the tank. So, I had to do the right thing for the good of all my animals, which is the worst thing, and euthanize this little tiny beautiful little being.

I am soft about being the cause of animal death, and getting softer. It’s been years since I ate any mammal (or ridiculously, octopus) meat, which I originally claimed was for environmental reasons, but is in practice because if I can look into the soft, vacant eyes of my idiot axolotls and see that there is some sort of inner life therein worth respecting and protecting, well, shit, have y’all met a pig or a cow?

(If anyone is curious, I still eat chicken and fish; fish, because it is incredibly hard to avoid and because I can vote with my dollar to support sustainable and ethical fishing practices, and chicken mostly because I have spent enough time with chickens to know that if they had any say in the matter, they would eat me first)

Anyway, even though I’m soft about animal death, I will absolutely push myself past any amount of squeamishness when it comes to an animal in my care that is suffering. So, I made the call not to subject her to weeks of untested and possibly painful treatment with little chance of success, and I euthanized a being, even though it really bummed me out, because it was the right thing to do for the greater health of my colony.

I’m getting introspective here, because the analysis I had to engage with there is, on a much larger scale, what my parent is dealing with. I’m trying to respect their confidentiality and not put their personal struggles on blast, but I think maybe an analogy is useful: what is going on is akin to contemplating the amputation of a dominant hand.

Sticking with the metaphor: My parent has a congenital condition that, unmedicated, would lead to the total loss of function in both hands. This is a nightmare for them, as it would be for anyone who has gone 65+ years enjoying full use of their hands, only for that ability to suddenly falter. Due to recent medical advances, they have been recieving regular medical treatments to retain function in their hands, which is extremely unpleasant to go through, but has been worth it because the treatments have not only stopped the progress of the disease, but actually produced some improvement in function.

As with any medical procedure, though, the treatments my parent recieves have some wildly unlikely possible complications. Two weeks ago, my parent received their treatment and it quickly became evident that one of those incredibly unlikely complications had occurred in the most severe way possible. Since that day, it has been a constant, round the clock battle trying different approaches (all extremely painful!) to combat this complication. My parent lost all function in their “hand” on the day this all manifested, and has not had any restoration of function since.

At first, the goal of the medical approach was to restore function to their “hand”, but we are pretty far past that now; the goal is now to not lose the “hand” entirely, forget function. Things have somewhat stabilized, but the prognosis is incredibly foggy and unclear at this point, and all the while my parent has required constant care and has been in incredible pain. Emotionally, they are at the point where it is a question of how much more of this it is fair and reasonable to subject themselves to. The prospect of amputation and prosthesis is extremely upsetting, and the thought of going forward like this indefinitely is ... also extremely upsetting.

My brother is an incredibly smart man with a ton of knowledge on the issue of maintaining quality of life in elderly populations - that’s his life’s work, in fact. He is very concerned about the prospect of amputation and prosthesis because he fears that it will have a potentially huge impact on my parent’s quality of life going forward, and because he is optimistic that we are on the right track to have further medical breakthroughs that would allow my parent to regain function down the road if their “hand” is not surgically removed now.

And me? I’m soft, and my parent is in excruciating pain, and I cannot help but think of the calculus I always have to run for the beings in my care - is the possibility of a cure sufficient to ask them to endure an indeterminate period of suffering? Is it fair and ethical to ask them to endure this, on the offchance that whatever’s wrong can be fixed?

There was a simple answer for me in the case of the shrimp. There’s not one when it comes to this, to the big thing looming over my life and thoughts that actually really matters. And, of course, my family isn’t alone in struggling with something like this, particularly now, with a pandemic boiling through my country that is forcing so many of us to face similar dilemmas; what is kind, what is fair, what is medically possible, what nightmare will develop next that we are powerless to prevent? How do you do the right thing here, when the worst and most unlikely scenario has manifested?

So, with ALL that said, I just want to express how profoundly furious, how absolutely enraged and impotent and wounded I am today, to witness a political party of bigots and sociopaths cluster together this afternoon to ensure that a judicial nominee is seated on the supreme court specifically because she will actively work to make these intimate and painful medical decisions harder and more scarring and with greater risks to consider.

This post is ALL over the place but needless to say I am in a mood.

[cynwritess]

My Outlining Technique As A Pantser

I despise outlining with every fiber of my soul. I don’t care how much people persist you need an outline, I will put it off to the very last minute and do it very half-assed. Even in school, its straight to the first draft. Outlining requires a very precise skill of breaking things down as small as possible and my mind simply does not function that way. It’s literally all or nothing. Unfortunately while this may work for writing school essays, it’s not exactly a good idea when it comes to a book. Writing a book requires structure and precision because you need to carefully place information, have an idea where your characters are going, tedious yet necessary things. Fortunately, I’ve come up with a way to outline without completely frying my brain.

Characters. 

I almost always start with the characters first and build the world, other characters, and plot around them. If you have a name in mine, perfect! Go ahead and use it! If you don’t have a name, don’t dread scouring through dozens of baby name websites. Give them a place holder name or better yet, give them a role/title. I’m going to use one of my current characters (steal anything about her and I’ll send demons after you). When I first created Selina I only had a vague aesthetic and the idea that I wanted her to somehow be attached to spirits. Her name didn’t come to me until 25k into the story, but I had to refer to her as something so I used a conjunction of a place holder name and calling her “Reaper of Souls”. This way I know exactly who I’m referring to. Also, this helps me know what path my character needs to go down. Reaper of Souls is who she’ll become, but its definitely not who she is when the story begins. It makes me thing: What steps do I need to take to get her there? This is where you can start brainstorming character arcs and give them trauma. 

Another essential part of creating characters in my opinion is giving them “role models”. Personally, if this is a brand new character I’m creating off the top of my head its hard to write them because I know nothing about them. I don’t know their sense of humor, who they would and wouldn’t get along with, their inner monologue, etc. Now you have to be careful with this and make sure to mold them into their own unique characters at the end of the day, but you can use other already existing characters to help begin the process. When creating Selina I knew vaguely she needed to be connected to spirits. What characters do I know like that? Jodie from Beyond Two Souls is a good one and Zelie is a bit of a different twist to it but still the same general idea. But wait! Selina’s vibe doesn’t match either of them. So in this case I might look at Jude Duarte for inspiration for her personality. Nitpick all your favorite things about different characters and use that to your advantage! It gives you the jolt you need to really begin to explore who your character is. 

Always do the main character first, then follow with the supporting character or villain. In my opinion, the main supporting character and villain should be foils of the main character in order to get the most out of each one, because you’ll be able to see different aspects and different arcs they could’ve/will have. Once you have those three characters you can create the others as you progress with your story.

Setting.

This can either be really simple or your worst fucking nightmare. For me, it’s a mixture of both. If your story is taking place in the real world then this can be relatively simple even if you’re creating your own town/city. If your town has a very specific location like a town square or maybe there’s a river running through it, then just google “towns with a river going through it” for a start. If you have a specific town in mind you can also google the map and start dissecting different aspects of the town and incorporating it into your own. You can even use your own town for inspiration! The town my story takes place in is made up, but my hometown actually resembles it quite a bit so I’ve been using it for references. So far, its been working out pretty good.

Now if you have a high fantasy setting... I wish you the best of luck. I’ve only written one high fantasy story when I was twelve and... well clearly its never seen the light of day for a reason (partially because I deleted it, partially because there was absolutely zero world-building). I’m sorry to say my skills have no improved much since then. I’ve dabbled with the idea of high fantasy worlds and honestly my only advice is to look at other fantasy maps and draw inspiration from that. Narnia, Ravka, the ACOTAR world, the shifting isles of Elfhame, the Avatar universe, Orisha, to name a few. You’ll also have to look at some basic geographical stuff like the climate, but overall you have pretty much free reign over how your world looks. This is the one part I feel like you can’t bullshit if you don’t want your story to seem halfway. Really go in with the details even if its just for you. The more fleshed out your world is, even if its set here in the normal world, the better.

The main issue. 

This is pretty much a given but you do need to have some sort of idea who the main antagonist is/what is the big issue your characters are fighting. If you’re writing a series then chances are book one will probably focus on an entirely different issue before the big one is revealed. There’s not really much advice I can give for this because it’ll be tailored specifically to your story. I don’t think your antagonist has to be fully fleshed out if you’re going to be introducing them very late, but do have a general idea who or what it is, their goal, and why your character feels the need to stop them.

Usually you’ll notice the problem in the beginning of the story isn’t the ultimate problem, its just a gateway to it. I wouldn’t necessarily call it a subplot but I guess technically that’s what it is. Think of Percy Jackson. The main issue of book one is him being accused of stealing the lightning bolt, but the ultimate issue was the war with the titans. Or The Cruel Prince. The main issue was Jude feeling helpless and wanting to create a place for herself in the faery world, but the ultimate issue was those attempting overthrowing the entire Greenbriar family from the thrown. 

This kind of goes without saying, but there has to be a strong motivation for the character to stop them or it just won’t work. You don’t see characters going after the antagonist because nothing in their life isn’t threatened. There’s always a motivation, something to fuel them even if done so reluctantly. For example, Zelie from Children of Blood and Bone was sick and tired of constantly fighting and being the hero, but she did it anyways because she was the only one who could truly help the maji. Or you can take a slightly antagonistic approach and look at Kaz from Six of Crows who did what he did out of greed for money, power, and revenge. Usually when I begin my stories, I only have a vague idea as to why my main character is joining the fight, which is perfectly fine. As long as you have some sort of idea and begin to build on it as you write, you’ll be probably be fine. 

Brainstorm.

I cannot for the life of me sit in front of my computer and write a bland summary of what it is that is going to happen in my book. Sorry, but I am simply not built that way but it also makes writing your books ten times harder as well. I’ve found a bit of a cheat. For one, brainstorm. Get a general idea what some of the main events you want to happen are. Do you want a character death? Does a specific location need to be mentioned? Is there subplots or character arcs you would like to explore? Is there any themes you’d like to explore? Jot them all down, along with your word count goal. You probably won’t be able to incorporate all of them in one book, but at least you’ll have an idea what path you’re going to head down in terms of your story.

And now onto my actual cheat. Because I’m a pantser who hates outlining, I usually jump into my stories without knowing what direction they are going. Recently I’ve discovered that I can outline the first five chapters, write them out, and give myself complete free reign. I’ll explore all sorts of character personalities, different beginnings, different writing styles, different scenarios, different relationships, anything I can realistically include in the first five chapters of my story. Then I’ll go back and edit it. Don’t completely delete anything, always save it in a separate file! I’ll go back and decide which characters are unnecessary at this point, what plot points can be introduced later on, what writing style suits this story, things like that. Then from there, I’ll go back to my outline and make any appropriate changes before proceeding to write the rest of the draft as normal (WITHOUT GOING BACK TO EDIT). The reason why I do this is because I need a solid base to begin my story, otherwise its so easy for me to go off track and begin to tell a completely different story. This way I’ll know exactly what I’m going after, I’ll be able to explore and get to know my characters and setting, and it’s enough chapters that I can even begin to incorporate the main issue at hand. 

[pocket-clown]

Arthur learning that his S/O is pregnant may include;

// original request: Hi, I have a request. Can you do "Arthur learn that you are pregnant" (excuse me if this is NSFW idk) I like your blog by the way ;)

Not NSFW at all, thank you for the request anon!! I know jack about pregnancy so I had to Google things like symptoms and whatnot so I apologize for any inaccuracies :-))

Obvious content warning for pregnancy, symptoms of pregnancy, minor angst.

His face is unreadable, the second he hears the news. 

You’d spent the last month and a half or so battling an array of symptoms; at first, it was nothing more than noticing that your period never came when it was supposed to - something you initially shrugged off because hey, it wasn’t always regular. 

But then you started feeling tired. Not just sleepy, but as if you were perpetually fatigued, regardless of how much sleep you got. Even if you spent the day lounging around the apartment and resting in bed, it was like it took every ounce of energy and drive that you had to get yourself going at times, and you felt that you could’ve slept for hours, had it not been for the responsibilities and obligations that an adult life came with. 

It was then, about four weeks after your missed period that you woke up sometime around 1:20 in the morning with some of the worst nausea that you had ever experienced, just barely making it to the restroom in time. Arthur had been by your side the entire time, and he practically pleaded for you to go to the doctor - it was flu season, after all - but in the back of your mind, something was nagging at you, telling you that something more was going on.

So the next day, on your commute home from work you made a stop at Helm’s Pharmacy. Arthur had a prescription that was ready to be picked up and you figured that it would save him some time for you to just get it yourself, but you also grabbed a few of the best pregnancy tests that your small amount of cash could afford, praying that the pharmacist wouldn’t mention it the next time you came in with Arthur.

Once you had actually tested yourself, the double bars on each of the four tests confirming your suspicions, you felt your heart stop. 

How was Arthur going to react? You two certainly had talked about having children before, and he was receptive to the idea - he even seemed excited about it - but those late night conversations and discussions were always in the future tense, when the two of you were better off financially, and maybe even out of Gotham. 

The fact that you weren't sure how Arthur would react coupled with knowing that you two may not even be able to support a child at the time kept you from telling him for about a week, and once you finally broke the news to him you didn’t even bother trying to beat around the bush. 

“Arthur, I’m pregnant.” You’d said out of the blue while the two of you were cuddled up on the couch during one of Murray’s commercial breaks. His hand, which had been combing through your hair as you rested your head on his shoulder, stopped, and you could feel his breath hitch. When you’d looked up at him, you saw that his dark brows were furrowed ever so slightly, and it seemed like he was almost confused about what you had just said - or like he didn’t understand.

“Are… really?” He asked after a moment, his voice not above a soft whisper. It took him a second, but after a moment he was able to pry his eyes away from the television to turn and look you in your own; searching for anything to indicate if you were just joking around, or if you were actually serious.

“Remember how I started feeling really sick a bit ago? I took a few tests a few days ago, and... they were all positive.” You said, moving your hand to sweep away the tuft of hair that had fallen across his forehead. 

Arthur’s lack of response was nothing short of concerning to you, and for a moment you thought that he was upset, or even angry, with you. His green eyes were flitting all over the room, seemingly unable to focus on anything as his mind tried to fully process what you had just told him.

Unbeknownst to you, though, Arthur wasn’t mad - he wasn’t even upset. What he was, though, was frightened; though yes, the thought of having a child with you filled his heart with the kind of warm love he never in his life thought he’d get to experience, it was also one of the most freighted, daunting ones to ever cross his mind. He often wondered if he’d even make a remotely good father - something you’d always assure him that he would - but he still had his doubts; with all of his struggles - his condition, his mental illnesses, and his own lack of a father figure, to name a few - the last thing Arthur wanted was to end up a poor excuse for a father. His mind was running a million miles a second, and if it wasn’t for the soft touch of your hand brushing against his cheek, he would’ve sat in the same spot for the rest of the night as his mind forced him to go over every single worst case scenario it could possibly come up with.

“Arthur? Are you okay? I’m sorry if I upset you, I meant to tell you sooner but -”

“Upset? Sweetheart, why would I be upset with you about this…?” He asked, and you hadn’t any idea that he had been trembling until his hands came to your face, cupping your cheeks so he could pull you close enough so he could rest his forehead against your own. “Are you sure it’s me you want to have a baby with…?”

You knew that his question was rhetorical; it wasn’t uncommon for Arthur to agonize over his anxieties and fears regarding the relationship, questioning if you really were 100% completely and utterly sure that you wanted to be with him, of all people. He’d worry that he was completely imagining you and your voice and your touch, or that he’d somehow tricked you into being with him, even - but each and every anxiety was hushed with kisses from you. Though you knew that you couldn’t do or say anything to completely rid Arthur of said anxieties and worries, so ingrained within him were they, you did everything you could to be there for him whenever they came to surface and needed dealing with.

“Yes! And I mean it, Arthur - I want this - and I want it with you.” You said, and he hummed in response, his forehead still against yours as his thumbs stroked the backs of your hands as he held them in his own

“I’ll work harder - For us.” He spoke after a minute of silence, and his arms came to wrap around you, pulling you tightly against him. 

It’s then, with you in his arms, that the reality of the situation really hits Arthur and he can’t stop himself from tearing up. He was scared, and so were you; you’d both have to work extra hours (you, for as long as you could, until you were too far along), neither of you have ever had children before, and the weight of knowing that you’d soon be supporting one, as well eventually need a larger residence, the costs, the fact that you’d have another life in your hands - it was all so, so much to deal with that neither of you could stop yourselves from shedding tears. 

But you were together, and the two of you had made it through a lot together, already.

This sweet, attentive man always makes sure you’re as comfortable as possible. 

If you thought that his fretting about you in the past was over the top, get ready because now he rarely ever leaves your side. 

As the months go by and your tummy gets bigger, Arthur loves to rest his hands against it, his fingers sliding underneath the hem of your shirt so he can feel your skin. If you’re subtle about it, late at night during those nights you can’t sleep, sometimes you can catch him talking ever so gently and so sweetly to you and your unborn child, unaware that you’re awake. He goes on about how much he loves you, how you love him, how he loves the baby, how you love the baby, how soon you’ll be a family. He talks about everything he’s going to do with the two of you, what he wants to do, his hopes, his fears - all of it. Whether the soft, shaky tone of his voice is from his tender, sleep deprived state or if he’s quietly crying from the sheer, overwhelming amount of love, fear, excitement, and utter disbelief he feels you don’t know, but what you do know is that his words are genuine.

He goes with you to every single doctor’s appointment that you have; every single check up, every single exam, everything. Even if you’re not far along enough that it’s tough to get around, he still insists that you sit and rest so he can take care of chores around the apartment. He tries his hardest to improve his cooking skills, preferring that you eat as best as you can so that you’re as healthy as possible - he doesn’t want you falling ill. He keeps his smoking away from you, as well; he’ll literally leave the apartment, regardless of what time of day it is, to smoke outside so you aren’t exposed to it. He doesn’t want to put you or the baby at any sort of risk. 

You two will have to console each other very frequently. Arthur, at times, has trouble fully coming to terms with what’s going on; never in his life did he ever expect he’d have a child with someone (nor did he think he’d even have a successful relationship), and the weight of the situation tends to wear down on his already fragile mental state at times. Lots of reassurance that everything will be okay, that he is capable of being a good father, that you’ll be by his side, that there are resources that can help the two of you if you need it, and so on, will be needed. 

Regardless of whether it’s hormones, your own fears and anxieties, tears of excitement, whatever it is, he’s by your side whenever you need him to be. You’re in tears because your craving for that very specific type of donut from a market that’s halfway across Gotham is so strong? He’s putting on his shoes, fully prepared to go out and get it for you, despite it being 11 at night and pouring rain. You’re scared because you’re wondering how capable of a mother you’ll be, and if the child will even love you? Your face is cupped in his hands, his thumbs brushing away your tears as he tells you that he knows you; he sees how strong and how loving you are in your day to day life, and there’s not a single doubt in his mind regarding how wonderfully you’ll do as a mother. 

There’s absolutely no denying that it’s a tough time for the two of you, but the two of you make it work. 

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taglist;

@tahliamalfoydepp​ @tsukiakarinobara​ @smol-nari​ (let me know if you’d like to be added!)

[canarycontessa]

in no particular order, things I've learned having PCOS

1.  Root cause, root causes, ROOT CAUSES. 

Do you know what the course of treatment looks like if you don't address root causes? It looks like a bandaid for each individual symptom: progesterone to "jumpstart" your hormones (which you can only take for a few months before it starts fucking with your bones), metformin for your insulin issues, electrolysis or waxing for your facial hair, etc. 

NONE OF WHICH gets down to root causes or is in any way approaching a permanent solution (with the possible exception of laser hair removal or electrolysis). 

I’m not knocking these things; if they help in any way and fit your course of action, go for it. But these things are not a cure. There is no formal cure for PCOS, but the thing that puts it in a kind of remission is a complete sea change in terms of how you eat, sleep, exercise, and just generally live your life. Everything from the eggs you buy to the type of pads you use is up for reevaluation.

2.  Exercise does not (directly) affect fat loss, only muscle gain, body comp and hormone regulation. Know it’s benefits and its limits in your regimen. Or, you cannot out-exercise a poor diet. 

Your particular relationship to the scale is something you need to nail down and fast. If you know you’re obsessive and prone to daily weighing, get rid of the scale entirely. If you like tracking yourself week to week, go ahead. Either way, please know that your progress wrt: diet and exercise aren’t always going to be reflected on the scale. 

Unless you’re doing some sort of bodybuilder bulking/cutting thing, then you’re typically going to lose fat WHILE gaining muscle if you have a sensible plan. This can translate to looking better and losing inches while staying the same or even going up on the scale. Don’t be fooled. 

All of this goes for everybody, really, but it goes double and triple for people with PCOS. Get the “calories in/calories out” mindset out of your head. Focus on your hormonal balance. Go by how your clothes fit, how you look naked, how you feel when you move, the feats you become capable of that you weren’t before.  

3.  Your desires are not shallow. No, not even your "shallow" ones. Wanting to look good naked, wanting to not have stubble or hyperpigmentation, and wanting a sex drive that’s more on-point is just as valid as wanting to have a baby or wanting to prevent your prediabetes from becoming full blown diabetes. Period. No buts. I said what I said. And if anyone tells you otherwise or tries to make these things seem frivolous? 

Tune them the fuck out. 

You’re the one who has to live with this disorder, not them, so they can fuck right off. Yes, even your doctor or your mother or your boyfriend or your minister or whoever the fuck. Yes, even other people with PCOS. 

I say this as someone who never has and never will want children, and is more concerned with preserving my health and beauty well into my middle age than I am with fertility. I’m not curing cancer, but neither is any broad that wants to get knocked up. 

We each want what we want. Let’s leave each other to our own wants, shall we?

4.  There's a limit to what a doctor can (or sometimes is even willing) to do for you here, so you have to take the wheel. Remember what I said about band aids? Unless you go to an endocrinologist or someone who specializes in hormonal/reproductive health or just a general practitioner who gives a damn, you’re not going to find an abundance of help with a doctor. 

It’s sad to say, but a lot of general practitioners are either unequipped, underqualified, uninformed or (worst case scenario) just flat out uninterested in helping with what they consider a nebulous disorder at best, or a series of low-priority nuisance issues at worst. 

My main solution to this is to understand deeply and unwaveringly: They may be the doctor, but you are the expert on your own lived experience. Find a doctor that not only knows their business, but who knows that you two are a team.

I’ve been lucky enough to experience both ends of this spectrum. Yes, even the bad ones. 

I’ve had the best insurance money could buy utterly wasted on a doctor that spent months of my time telling me my kidneys were shutting down due to blood in my urine when I already made it clear that the “blood in my urine” was actually my menorrhagia. He completely discounted my lived experience of menstruating for a full 15 - 20 days out of EVERY MONTH and came up with a disorder of his own, wasting so much time sending me back for renal scans whenever the “blood in my urine” didn’t correspond to my test results reflecting perfectly normal kidneys. This guy outright told me that he was more concerned with my hypertension than he was with addressing anything else going on with me. As if it wasn’t all connected.  

I’ve also had supposedly lesser medical staff that took my concerns seriously, conducted examinations promptly, listened to what I had to say and actually laid out what my options were so that I could decide how we should proceed from there. It was one of these places that actually found out that what I’d been dealing with for years was PCOS, giving the beast that tormented me a name so I could draw a target on its back. They broke down their methodology for determining it into layman terms I could understand: 

“your period has these abnormalities, you have these visual markers (skin tags, facial hair, hyperpigmentation), your insulin is up in the prediabetic range and you have multiple benign but problematic cysts on your ovaries. We’ll test a few other hormonal markers in your blood and urine panel but otherwise it’s safe to say you have PCOS”      

5.  There will be people will treat your illness as trivial, not real, a product of unclean living, a product of hysteria and/or all in your head. Even loved ones. Even doctors Even yourself, at times.

6.  Hopelessness and discouragement are almost literally parts of this illness, so treat them as you would any other symptom. I say almost literally because mood swings and a higher probability of depression come with the turf. Also, the uphill battle you’re facing from medical professionals (see Item 4) and even your loved ones just piles onto all this. Overall, this hormonal disorder just wears you down. Self care becomes even more important than ever before, as does finding a community of other women dealing with this.  

7.  Don't get sucked into terf shit while trying to reclaim your femininity. This isn’t really about the disorder itself, I just really wanted to sound off on this right quick (keep in mind I’m a cis woman saying this, I’m not as informed about trans issues as a trans person, but I’m trying to be a good neighbor here. Please do your own research and please understand that hitting up your nearest trans person doesn’t count as research. Google is free and there are literally so many academic and anecdotal resources).

My POV on this is as a cisgender black woman with this disorder. I’ve had my femininity questioned, mocked, and outright denied (misogynoir at its finest) since I was a child. I’ve seen people both overtly and subtly project their weird ideas about gender onto me. And yet I know I don’t go through even a TENTH of the bullshit and violence that trans women of color do. My pain may be legitimate, but it does not give me or anyone with any integrity a free pass to turn the trans community into one big punching bag for my own frustrations.    

There’s nothing terfs love more than preying on vulnerable women that they feel they can recruit. Learn to spot the dogwhistles and reject the sales pitch. They’ll try to court you and make you feel so understood and welcome. Don’t fall for it. I don’t care if J.K. Rowling herself becomes your best buddy. Don’t go there. 

[alexannah]

MLB: Stormy Weather 2 Rewatch (Spoilers)

Okay, could not watch Stormy Weather 2 for the third time without writing a reaction post afterwards.

Highlights:

·         Nathalie’s inner dialogue. So sad.

·         DJWifi cuddles. They’re not one of my OTPs but they are so cute.

Other thoughts:

No-one pointed out to Chloé after her “once a villain, always a villain” speech that she’s been akumatized MORE times than Aurore had at that point.

I’m okay with the “change” theme/discussion, but it was a bit overdone and really, most of the flashbacks were not necessary. I zoned out for a number of them because, unlike those moments in the episodes they originate from, they didn’t feel like part of the plot.

No-one expects a kids’ show about magic jewels granting superpowers to be entirely scientific, but there’s that, and then there’s entirely implausible. I’m rubbish at science but even I’m pretty sure that:

1.       Volcanic eruptions cannot push the Earth out of orbit.

2.       A news reporter cannot hold a (presumably) METAL microphone with BARE HANDS in MINUS FORTY without being in EXTREME pain.

I initially put that if the Earth moved THAT much out of orbit, everyone would have died before the end of the episode, but I decided to do a quick Google check and apparently that’s not true. Huh.

Surely making the entire planet freeze over threatens EVERYONE’S lives, including Stormy Weather and Hawk Moth? (Plus his family he’s trying so hard to reunite?) Seriously, where were their brains in this episode? Or were they both banking on Ladybug and Cat Noir to defeat her—in which case, what the heck was the point? Just to show off?

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again; Gabriel is one of the worst examples of “act now, think later” I have ever seen. (I say this lovingly.) This was worse than letting himself get hypnotised by Simon Says, or making Style Queen angry at him without considering she might take it out on Adrien, or waiting until after he had akumatized Adrien’s friends in Félix to tell Nathalie to take him somewhere safe. All three scenarios gave us great episode material, but still.

After stating that he’s doing all of this for Adrien, and then wondering if he’s taking too many risks, then Hawk Moth has to go and say a dumb thing like “I have to succeed at any price”. Facepalm moment, because all the Gabriel haters probably latched onto that and ignored his previous statements, when there’s so much evidence that he really didn’t mean any price. He may be an idiot who doesn’t think things through before Adrien gets put in danger, but that doesn’t mean he’s willing to sacrifice Adrien to succeed. And then there’s Nathalie … but I’m not going to get into that now or this post will be four times the length.

I’m guessing Nathalie’s description of Emilie falling “deeper into an endless sleep” is where the theory that she’s in a coma and not dead came from? I read a translation of, I think it was the Ukrainian, version the other day, but can’t remember what it said now (it was a bit more direct). However I think it doesn’t completely cut out the possibility that she is actually literally dead; it could simply mean she died slowly and this was a poetic way of describing it because it’s a kid’s show.

As a Gabenath shipper I was initially concerned by the possibility of her not being dead, but as I saw someone point out, if you have to literally change reality (and send someone else into an unwakeable magical coma) to wake someone up, they are effectively dead. For Adrien’s sake I think it would be preferable for her to already be dead, because it will be easier for him to let her go once he finds out the truth. I read a fanfiction where he pulled the plug (well, actually Cataclysm-ed the pod) and the moment was pretty heart-breaking.

I’m getting side-tracked again here so I won’t start going into theories on all the Emilie stuff. Back to the episode.

Before seeing it for the first time, my headcanon had been that Nathalie had always been in love with Gabriel. Her falling in love with him since Emilie’s been gone does make more sense for the show context, and I feel a bit better knowing that canon Nathalie didn’t go through all those years suffering unrequited love like most of my fanfiction versions of her.

Someone please slap Adrien for being such a numbskull at the end when he decides Marinette’s handwriting is not Marinette’s handwriting.

Someone please slap Plagg for not, even though he knows perfectly well that Marinette is Ladybug and therefore Adrien is already in love with her, using the handwriting comparison as an opportune moment to guide him in an Adrienette direction.

Not strictly related to this particular episode, but couldn’t Ladybug have given Chloé a different Miraculous, so no-one knew who she was? After all, the fact that her identity was known was, then, the only reason she didn’t become Queen Bee again. And considering how blind most of Paris clearly is, it’s doubtful anyone would have made the connection. That would have saved them losing an ally to Hawk Moth later. (I am still holding out for a Chloé redemption arc.)

I want to know how a pencil and a photocopier defeated Stormy Weather! (Same way I want to know how the tennis racket would have helped in Heroes’ Day ...) Also, where did Cat Noir get a photocopier???

I think I’ve covered everything that came to mind while watching the episode. Apart from how Sabrina is either really deluded or just tells Chloé what she knows she wants to hear. (Or both.)

[purplesurveys]

723

What do you do when you can't sleep? I pick something to watch. Usually the background noise works in making me feel sleepier. Have you ever been threatened before? Physically, verbally, emotionally... I’ve had the full package. Don't you hate being labeled? I hate if it’s done in a mocking way or to reinforce insulting stereotypes, like Catholic Filipino boomers saying all atheists are evil and in need of ‘saving.’ But there are some labels that can be a source of comfort and give me a sense of identity, like if my friends can correctly remember my sexual orientation. Are you one of those people who says sorry too much or doesn't say it often? I do say it a lot. I also get reprimanded for it a lot. Have you ever had a cute doctor/dentist/nurse? No, and I mostly don’t think of them in that way... if I’m at the doctor/dentist, that just means I want to be healed lol.

Do you swallow your gum even though it's bad for you? I’ve never done it on purpose. The few times I accidentally swallowed gum I was worried it’d fuck up my stomach, but nothing bad has ever happened. Don't you hate it when you go to the bathroom & there's no toilet paper? I mean my parents always buy tissues in bulk, so we’ve never run out of them. If I catch the roll being empty, it’s easy to replace. ^When that happens do you ever just sit there & read shampoo bottles? We have bidets in our bathrooms. For houses with no bidets, the pair of tabo/balde would do to wash ourselves, at least for Filipino culture. Going into TMI territory over here but the idea of some countries/people only using dry toilet paper to wipe their ass has always been so odd for Asians. Do you wear jelly bracelets? Do you believe in the sexual meanings of them? I wore them a few times during childhood but I wasn’t obsessed nor did I collect hundreds of them. I didn’t know they had sexual meanings – that would’ve been my last thought as a kid. Are you good at guessing things? Not guessing, but I’ve had a decent track record of picturing and predicting worst case scenarios that end up happening close to the way I imagine them. Have you ever gambled? I played Bingo when I was like 9. There was a period when my late grand-aunt’s friends would come over at her place (we lived in a duplex, so I knew whenever a game was starting and it was easy to walk over there) and play Bingo, and it lasted for a few months. When your stomach growls do you ignore it for awhile or immediately get food? I like waiting for a while before deciding I’m *really* hungry and looking for food. Have you ever thrown up on someone in front of you on a amusement park ride? OMG, never. Have you ever thought you were dreaming so you had someone actually pinch you? No. I only ever saw this in cartoons, too. When you get nervous, does your heart pound extra fast? Isn’t that kind of an important sign of being nervous though? If my heart wasn’t beating fast I’d think that everything was under control. Have you ever mowed your lawn? Do you find it fun or annoying? Our village has a staff member that’s in charge of mowing everyone’s front lawns, so we don’t really have to. Do you have a garden at your house? I wouldn’t call it a garden. We have a couple of tall trees but that’s it. Do you like making puppet figures with your shadow? I don’t hate it, but like I don’t actively seek this out. When you're on the internet does time go fast or slow? When I was 10 and the internet was still fairly new to me and there were still a billion sites to check out, time was definitely fast. I’d be on the laptop all day and suffice it to say I was addicted, which wasn’t the healthiest situation for a 10 year old. These days time just feels normally paced since we’ve grown used to the internet now... it’s literally a part of everyone’s lives and is everywhere from phones to TVs to fucking lightbulbs, so it’s all just part of everyday routine. When you're angry do you take it out on other people? I make it a point not to do this but sometimes I’ll crack under pressure and end up snapping at someone. What's the key to true happiness? Key’s different for everyone. Who do you look up to for your style? For the longest time it was Audrey Hepburn, which is why I have a ton of little black dresses piled up in my closet to this day. More recently though I’ve been wanting to dress up like Rachel Green from Friends. What was the longest phone conversation you've ever had? Ugh it’s so cringey now but when Gab and I were newly dating we once had an 8 hour Viber call. Never did it again.

How many pillows do you sleep with? Two big ones. What's your life philosophy? “You don’t have to be blood to be family” ngh I say this on surveys a lot. Soz, questions like this make me repeat it. Have you ever played strip poker or would you ever? I’ve never played it. I don’t even know how poker works and it’s so annoying cause my favorite shows tend to make at least one episode focused on a poker game, and I’m left not understanding any of the dialogue. Would you still go out with someone even if you thought they would cheat on you? These cheating questions can be so tricky but generally I wouldn’t consider dating someone who I know to be a past cheater. Would you date someone who didn't want to have sex until they were married? Yes. I mean I was already this kind of person with Gabie anyway when we started dating; she was just able to change my mind which I’m super ok with because I’ve never regretted it. How much cash do you have on you right now? I have a little over P2000 in my wallet. My school has since ordered to end the semester by April 30 so I had no idea that the P2000 my parents gave me last March was gonna be my last allowance from them ever :’( What's your favorite thing to order at a Mexican food restaurant? I haven’t really had Mexican food that’s purely Mexican, i.e. not Tex-Mex. Idk if it’s right to say fajitas and chimichangas since Google says they’re Tex-Mex, but they’re my usuals. If you got to magically make somebody disappear, who would it be and why? Can I make a virus disappear instead? Do you prefer to cook or eat out? Eat out. Because I can’t cook. Have you ever peed yourself while laughing? Never. When you don't like someone, do you let them know? I mean obviously I don’t confront them directly just to say I don’t like them, but I’ll make extra effort to avoid them and I just wouldn’t interact if we happen to be in the same room. How would you build your ultimate sundae? Not really a sundae girl so I wouldn’t know what combination works. McDo’s hot fudge sundae is satisfying enough for me. Would you date someone who went to church on a regular basis? If it came to that, and especially if I really like the person, I might give them a chance (that’s a billion plus points for my mom, anyway) on the condition that they don’t force me to attend with them, and they don’t try to convert me. What is your favorite curse word? Fuck. Would you rather see a movie at the theater or at home on DVD? Egh it depends. There are movies I can be excited enough about to wanna catch it in the cinema, and there are some that I’m not invested as much in and that I could wait for to show up at an illegal film website lol. If the police came to your door & said "you're under arrest!" what would it be for? The police in this country are the Devil and will arrest and kill anybody. That said, I can be attacked in my own home, arrested for absolutely nothing, and they will get away with it. Are you good at giving massages? Nope. What movie do you know just about every line from? Your basic white girl movies – Titanic, The Proposal, White Chicks. Oh and also my favorite Two for the Road, of course. Do you prefer cupcakes or muffins? Cupcakes. If I absolutely have to eat a muffin it has to be chocolate, otherwise I’m not touching it. I’m all about the sweet. What are the three "nevers" of your life? Doing hard drugs, drunk driving, eating fruits. What lifts your spirits when life gets you down? Good food, good movies, good friends. My dog. Is sometimes being silent more effective than having to say things? Yes. Do you smile a lot or not enough? I think I do it enough.

[peonytheory]

by GOD i am a horrible person who literally responded to this over two weeks late but thank you @/mysticalmusicwhispers for tagging me!! i chose to just respond to these questions on an individual post due to the fact that the original post is a bit lengthy. i am so sorry that i stalled responding to this for so long

responses are below the cut! 👍 

1. most recent daydream

most of my daydreams usually just involve some of my characters in various scenarios i’ve made up for them! i’d elaborate on the one i had most recently, but they’re all really boring and not very interesting honestly. my recent one just involved me attempting to mentally animate a scene in my head where some of them bake a cake together (which i don’t think would go very well)

2. hot or cold where you live?

i legitimately wish i knew. it was so hot one week that i could feel a tangible temperature difference when i went from my upstairs floor to my downstairs floor, but a little while ago it snowed (and then melted because it became warm again). BUT we’ve had some mildly violent downpours of rain today, so i would say that it’s been a really weird in-between recently

3. is your room aesthetic worthy?

not particularly!! it’s fairly neat and tidy aside from some of my clothes that i always leave on my office chair out of a bad habit i should get rid of, but it’s not very interesting or pretty. none of my pillows (five of them) match and the lampshade on my lamp is pink, which is a color that is literally nowhere else in my room

4. apple or android?

i own an ipad + google pixel (which is an android smartphone), and i do use my ipad much more frequently (i’m using it to type this post actually dhgkfghkdfj) so it’s a bit of a hard decision but i do have to go with android honestly. apple really does not have very good camera quality at all compared to the pixel + there’s more customization options there. you can change the font + keyboard background + icon style and a bunch more things on pixel, it’s real neat

5. one thing you hate about tumblr’s new format (or tumblr in general)

i’m unfortunately a (kind of?) new user still so i have no clue what the old format looked like. also i know that this website has a reputation for being discourse hell so i’ve only really stayed within my little corner of it, which means that i don’t think i’ve been exposed to the true horrors of this place and therefore don’t have much to say. however i have to say that the functionality of the app is REALLY not very good. i’m currently writing this on safari because i can’t figure out how to put a cut on posts on the app :”)

6. if you were outcasted from society, where would you run and why? (it can’t be somewhere where anyone’s currently living)

oh boy. one of my worst aspects is the fact that i’ve grown up in a place where there’s usually a moderate amount of people (like y’know, just your average neighborhood), and anytime i go to a place which has way less people (like nature and rural areas) or way more (like very densely populated cities), i have such an unbelievable amount of discomfort and unease. however, in this case, i think i might choose to run away to the forest and restart life there because tbh cities make me more nervous than being out in the general wild. also, that means i can finally live life as the mysterious forest witch that i’ve always wanted to be!! (not the children-eating kind though, i barely have enough stomach room to eat actual human food)

7. ancient and very beautiful forest or a pale and cerulean sea shore?

all right i KNOW i just said that i would run off to the woods in my last answer but i’m going to have to go with the sea shore for this one. i don’t actually enjoy the act of swimming in the sea (or honestly in any body of Outside Water), but!! they make very nice noises so

8. if you could get up early enough, would you watch the sunrise or the sunset (and why)?

sunrise!! i’m sensitive and also a coward who despises anything having to do with endings, so i generally like things that pertain to beginnings more (yes, even when it comes to minor things like this). also, i’ve watched the sunrise one time when i was on vacation and it was a really great experience that i’d love to live again

9. most recent piece of fanfiction/piece of writing that you’ve been working on? or the most recent thing you’ve read that’s either a fic, article, or book

uhhhhhhhhh. i’m the DM for this really awful D&D campaign that some of my friends are playing, so i suppose that would be the most recent piece of writing that i’ve been working on!! (even though i’m a terrible DM and this whole thing has been mostly stagnant recently. i’m so sorry you guys)

10. worst and best thing about school during quarantine

i think the best thing is the fact that i have much more free time now!! i can re-organize my routine how i’d like because i’ve got plenty of wiggle room these days and i can also (usually) go at my own pace when it comes to assignments, which is significantly less stressful. the worst thing is the fact that i now have to communicate with my teachers primarily through e-mails which is significantly more stressful. hell is real and it’s when you have to interact with people professionally online

and that’s all thank you for coming to my TEDtalk

[mittensmorgul]

I will always maintain that Dabb's finale's titles are incredibly meta and foreshadow the coming events. Given that this finale was titled Moriah (and I'm going back and forth on whether we got Jehovahjireh in the form of Sam), I can't help but speculate that S15 is going to be the transition from Old Testament to New Testament. There's a good reason why we never got a Christ figure before S13.

Hello from my inbox circa three weeks ago... >.>

(sorry I’m so far behind, but I’m still randomly spelunking through older messages and trying to reply as I can)

I had to google what Jehovahjireh meant, and I... don’t think that’s what we got in the literal sense of the term, but maybe something along these lines, from this article: https://www.gotquestions.org/Jehovah-Jireh.html:

The account of Abraham on Mt. Moriah thus becomes more than a dramatic illustration of faith and obedience. It is a presentation of the Lord’s eternal grace, continual provision, and all-encompassing wisdom. Jehovah-Jireh is not “The LORD Did Provide,” but “The LORD Will Provide.” In other words, the name does not simply memorialize a past event; it anticipates a future action.

With the highly ironic twist that God himself literally engineered this entire encounter in the first place. Which, again, is yet another nod to the spiral narrative, and this story that Chuck’s been telling and retelling literally forever. All of this has happened before, but Sam, Dean, and Cas have just leveled up and seen that bigger picture. And yay, I get to haul out one of the three gifs I’ve ever made, from 8.12:

Well, TFW just finally found a parking spot and stood their ground. Chuck did provide, and if they demonstrate faith in his instructions, he will provide all of this again-- all of this suffering, this horrific “I did what I had to do,” “I didn’t have a choice” moment where they must sacrifice everything to save the world again. And again and again and again...

Team Free Will, who have sacrificed so much over and over again in the name of preserving humanity and free will for everyone else, have never truly had it for themselves. Thanks, Chuck, for keeping them trapped in this narrative loop for the sake of drama, for the sake of watching his favorite characters reenact his favorite plot and never letting them enjoy any of the rewards for a job well done, you know?

That said, to me, Dabb’s season finale titles are more about pointing out this spiral narrative than they are about foreshadowing. Because seriously, what even is the point of foreshadowing within a cyclical narrative? Dabb didn’t NEED to foreshadow anything on the grand scale, because it’s all happened before, and it will all happen again... Let me explain.

Alpha and Omega. Dabb’s first season finale, in a season where he quietly took over the showrunner reins from Jeremy Carver somewhere shortly after midseason (and an argument can be made that he was already aware this shift was imminent when he wrote 11.10, even if it wasn’t official yet, seeing as how he began steering the narrative around this point...). This was arguably the culmination of one round of this Grand Narrative, hitting all the major plot points Chuck has included in every round-- sacrifice (Dean volunteering to “be the bomb,”), everyone working toward the common goal and all of them willing to make the ultimate sacrifice in the name of saving the universe again.

Alpha and Omega is “the beginning and the ending.” Or “the first and the last.” It’s referenced in the Book of Revelation. And 11.23 is an ending in many ways... the ending of that particular chapter in the mytharc of Supernatural, the ending of Chuck and Amara’s separation, the technical ending of the Carver Era, the end of s11 itself. But it’s also full of beginnings... the beginning of Dabb Era, the beginning of the next chapter in the mytharc of Supernatural (with the introduction of the BMoL and the unfridging of Mary Winchester that had begun the original era of Supernatural in 1.01, so in a sense Mary’s reappearance is both a Beginning AND an Ending... it’s spirals all the way down, my dudes). And it was narratively the beginning of TFW’s era serving as the “caretakers” of the Universe in Chuck’s supposed absence... that worked out great, right?

But this was always the story Dabb wanted to tell. His intent was always to point at the curtain, to draw our attention away from the Big Scary Glowing Head with all the smoke and mirrors and begin nudging us all to recognize the curtain over in the corner of the room where you could see some dude’s feet down at the bottom. He’s spent his entire tenure as showrunner effectively teaching us all how this entire story functions. More on this in a second, but first let’s look at 12.23:

All Along The Watchtower. There has been so much meta written about just this title alone, going back to even before the episode aired:

https://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/all%20along%20the%20watchtower/chrono

https://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/*all%20along%20the%20watchtower%20plays%20in%20the%20distance*/chrono

I’ve begun refiling all these posts under this tag:

https://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/it%27s-spirals-all-the-way-down/chrono

but I got derailed somewhere around 11.05, so there’s a gap... I need to get back to that retagging project someday >.>

I don’t know if you’ve ever watched Battlestar Galactica, but (spoiler alert), All Along The Watchtower was literally the magical key that unlocked the entire narrative, on pretty much every level-- in story, the notes of the song itself functioned as the “magic spell” that unlocked the Heroine’s Journey for the character of Kara Thrace, the narrative structure of the entire series which (surprise!) bore out to be a Grand Loop of a Spiral where the ending of the old story was simultaneously the same beginning of the same story, and the overarching structure of the divinity of that entire universe:

https://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/184126770915/justanotheridijiton

And I think that’s why Dabb chose this as his title here. He couldn’t possibly have chosen a more on-the-nose title, honestly... for an episode full of endings and beginnings, a window (or portal) onto a “failed world,” the birth of possibly either hope or destruction (or both simultaneously) with Jack, Castiel’s first True Death (wingprints and all!), and yet another revolution of the Same Story, the same song sung over again. Which brings us to 

Let The Good Times Roll: Heck my dudes, for whom did any good times actually roll in this episode? For Michael? Who defeated “his Lucifer” over in that “failed universe,” finally getting another chance to “do it right?” Wherein his idea of “doing it right” was simply to change a few elements like customizing Ikea cabinets with different drawer pulls and maybe the oak finish instead of the cherry? His goal was always still the same, you know? Even if his methods were different simply due to circumstance (no angel army in this world, so he picked monsters instead). For Dean? Who thought at the beginning of the episode that they might finally be getting ahead of the game and maybe were reaching a point where they didn’t have to shoulder the burdens of the world (talking about “toes in the sand” again at the beginning of the episode before Michael and Lucifer broke back into this world), and then by the end had finally lost everything that Cas had been fighting against since he first rebelled in 4.22, giving in and saying Yes to Michael, and then losing his free will entirely, completely overridden by Michael in a way that even Dean revoking his consent couldn’t evict him again? For Jack, who had his grace torn out by his father and was sent on a crash course in humanity, loss, sacrifice, love, and death? I mean, this was just a rolling around of the narrative again, forcing everyone to face this Worst Case Scenario of the apocalypse finally jumping back on the tracks again, even with Lucifer dead and Michael having killed him. Because Michael never wanted anything different than Lucifer did-- the end of the world, by whatever means necessary. There is no paradise on Earth, merely destruction and rebirth in an endless cycle that Michael wanted to bring to an end.

It’s spirals all the way down, and the archangels just... don’t even have the ability to recognize that, let alone consider defying it.

Hello, 7.21: DEAN: Oh, I don't know, man. What can I say? You've been chosen. And it sucks. Believe me. There's no use asking "why me?" 'Cause the angels – they don't care. I think maybe they just don't have the equipment to care. Seems like when they try, it just... breaks them apart.

Because in Dabb era, it’s kinda clear that that should’ve been the angels’ goal all along.

So instead of an ending (despite several things ending-- like Lucifer and Dean’s free will), we also have a fresh beginning. Welcome to Apocalypse Again.

Which finally brings us to

Moriah. More beginnings, more endings, but more importantly, the first actual transcendence of the narrative spiral by the characters themselves. TFW finally managed to throw back the curtain and see the weaselly lil dude standing behind it. And this has always, ALWAYS been Dabb’s endgame gambit. Every turn of the narrative up to this point has been leading up to this moment of syzygy where every character, every plot element, finally aligned for them to look through all the narrative loops and finally see the truth at the center of the story.

Here’s where I start detouring for the sake of clarity. Bear with me while this becomes murky as pea soup before finally coming back together. This post I wrote five days after 12.23 aired basically called this out:

https://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/160988290690/12-while-i-do-not-ask-this-to-be-negative-at

And used this graphic in that post to explain shifting the viewer’s perspective on the narrative structure in order to understand the bigger picture of what the show is telling us with the narrative:

And this is what I mean by narrative syzygy. TFW-- inside the story-- have finally found themselves standing at the correct angle where all the plot points have lined up, and they can now see the universe looking directly back at them, quite literally. They finally, in story, have the full picture of where they stand versus God and the Universe.

And it’s unsettling!

But back to the point I abandoned before this detour. If you’re thinking of Moriah only in relation to the Abraham/Isaac story, you are missing fully half the relevant reference. You only need to look back to the very beginning of Jack’s life, and 13.02, to recall the other specific biblical reference relevant to Moriah: Solomon’s temple. (yes, I recognize that David built an altar there, and other temples have been built there, but Solomon has specifically been connected to Jack from the start, so we’re gonna go with his construction of the temple... but it is relevant to bear in mind the cycle of sacrifice, death, destruction, rebirth, and rebuilding all associated with Mt. Moriah, too).

The Big Reveal in 14.20-- everything from Jack’s “stop lying” and the ensuing chaos to Chuck’s hand being forced when his guys threw down the gun and refused to act out this specific sacrifice in a graveyard-- literally a place filled with monuments to the dead, including a statue/fountain of Mary and a rusted fence surrounding a tomb that looks suspiciously temple-like:

Birth, Death, Sacrifice, Faith, all in a never ending cycle. The characters have been trapped in this loop since the beginning of time, or at least since 1.01, unwittingly living out the same story over and over again, but each time leveling up in some way, and gaining perspective on another element of the narrative on each go-around. Each time through the loop, they may have faced the same Big Picture-- the current iteration of the Big Bad, the family dynamics, the struggle for personal growth, and their understanding of the universe in general and their places in it specifically. This is the Grand Story of Supernatural, on every level.

But now, in this final spiral of the story, the circle has finally been broken, and our guys are now aware that that gif I used above from 8.12 is literally the story of their entire lives, and they have confronted the source of that fact and finally broken free from it.

Cue the zombies. Because heck Chuck is mad they broke his story, and it looks like he doesn’t accept defeat graciously...

TFW only has one more Big Bad to defeat-- the story itself.

[shinneth]

Gem Ascension Tropes (Peridot-specific: A)

There’s one of my new arts - GAverse Peridot in the house! If she looks a little taller and leggier than normal, she’s supposed to be. I find it kind of fascinating that for nearly every design deviation the canon characters in GAverse have, it’s practically a spoiler to even show it because it pretty much spells out the twist for you. But eh, it is what it is, right? 

So... these following tropes (see here for the first post for the general tropes for backstory on why the hell I did all this, and if you wanna see it in its entirety, see it on Google Docs)

Because Peridot is the actual protagonist of the GA continuity and my favorite character overall... her specific trope listing is the biggest overall. It easily towers over the general tropes I just posted. So this here’s the actual biggest hurdle. Let’s see if I can even fit A through B in this. Wow. I was fucking kidding, but nope! Adding A and B makes the links not work! Hooboy, what does that say when I’m already starting out restricted to post one letter at a time to avoid breaking the post?

I make a point not to copy+paste tropes already on her canon character page unless they’re relevant to GA specifically. I went out of my way to use the SU trope page as little as possible overall, really. So while there will be overlap, rest assured it’s there for a reason. 

So, assuming you’re that interested to see just how much I have to say about Peridot with all the headcanons made into a massive storyline, just keep in mind there’s no marked spoilers and have fun, I guess!

Peridot (Facet-2F5L Cut-5XG)

A Taste of Her Own Medicine: When Peridot tells Steven how the promotion she worked so hard to get ended up putting her in the same position as her previous victims, as she couldn’t get away with bullying or disrespecting gems above her in the caste system (which was literally almost everyone) and ended up being the one targeted for bullying due to her lowly status, Steven mentions this trope verbatim to sum up the situation.

Academic Alpha Bitch: Her Pre-Earth Homeworld persona; the Passive-Aggressive variant.

Accomplice by Inaction: Regarding Jasper’s abuse of Lapis when the pair was originally teamed up with Peridot. Considering Lapis was (albeit unwillingly) suffering Jasper’s abuse so Peridot wouldn’t have to, the fact that Peridot not only forced herself to mentally repress these moments as much as she could in order to live with herself – but actively did nothing to help Lapis even when she was witnessing the vile acts Jasper inflicted on their informant – has been one of her greatest sources of guilt and self-loathing. Peridot herself admits even when she had the means to at least offer some comfort or sympathy when Jasper wasn’t present, she refused to do it. Granted, Peridot’s inaction is largely justified; not only was Jasper’s abuse of Lapis deemed legal by Homeworld law, but Peridot herself – her kind being so low in the caste system – had no right to interfere or prevent any of this. It was actually illegal for Peridot to inconvenience a gem above her rank for any reason, and the gap between herself and Jasper was wide. This was also before Peridot’s Character Development; despite Jasper breaking her down well enough to eliminate most of Peridot’s absolute worst traits as a Homeworld gem, she was still far from being the gem who presently would have done everything in her power to fight Jasper and protect Lapis. This guilt (as well as feeling indebted to Lapis for saving her from Jasper) is the leading cause for why Peridot was such an Extreme Doormat to Lapis in canon.

Achey Scars: One of the last significant blows Peridot sustained courtesy of 9FC in Chapter 4 of Act I is a punch to the face. Since 9FC had limb enhancers, this punch left a nasty mark on Peridot’s cheek and greatly pained her (although she doesn’t realize she even has this injury, as she never sees how she looks after the No-Holds-Barred Beatdown – and her three nearly-crippled limbs are a bit more attention-grabbing). Thankfully for Peridot, it doesn’t plague her for long, as it’s the first injury Steven heals in the following chapter.

Act of True Love: The mission that plays out during the entirety of Act I is undoubtedly this. While Peridot genuinely wants to save everyone else and worries for them individually, it’s the realization that Steven is no longer with her that makes Peridot jump into the action. It’s her love for Steven that makes Peridot stay the course and see her mission through to the end, no matter how often she screws up or breaks down. Even when Peridot is struck with a persistent concern that she won’t come out of this mission alive, she’s not the least bit deterred and readily accepts death if it means Steven can live and be free. Peridot herself states that life doesn’t make sense and that everything is confusing if Steven isn’t with her, so she’s desperate to save him and bring him home where he belongs. This is an amusing case where all of The Four Loves are in play here.

Action Girl/Girlfriend: Comes with Taking a Level in Badass and becoming a Hero Protagonist. The latter trope is in effect as of Chapter 5 of Act I.

Adorkable: Per canon, and still in effect in GA. Very prevalent whenever the topic of Steven comes up, and especially when she and Steven directly interact. Peridot’s full of this when she actually spills her heart out to Steven in Chapter 5 of Act I.

Affectionate Nickname: Peri and Dot by many friends, P-Dot and Dottie-P by Amethyst, Tiny by Bismuth, Twilight by White Diamond.

Aggressive Submissive: Proves to be this in It’s a Birthday, Yes It Is. Whether or not it has anything to do with the submissive instincts that come naturally with Peridots is debatable. This is Who I Am establishes that such instincts were completely benign in Peridot’s case (likely due to emerging as an Unwitting Test Subject) until a certain Near-Rape Experience woke them up with a vengeance.

Alone with a Psycho: From the end of Act I to Chapter III of Act III, Peridot’s only company after being stranded on Homeworld was White Diamond. For six days, Peridot endured White’s wide variety of torture methods before she was rescued.

Ambition is Evil: When Peridot developed this during her life as a Homeworld gem, she became determined to achieve her goals, no matter what she had to do or who she had to hurt to succeed. This quickly made her The Dreaded of her kind. As time passed, Peridot herself became progressively more sinister and sadistic to assert her dominance.

Amnesiac Dissonance: Once Peridot and her team land on Homeworld, just seeing things Peridot is familiar with starts to abruptly jog memories of her Homeworld life that she thought she had discarded. Reuniting with 9FC made Peridot remember how horribly she treated her own kind to get ahead. This triggered a domino effect the longer the mission went on, though in some instances it was beneficial, such as when Peridot remembered what pallification was after being in close proximity to White Pearl.

Angst Nuke: Once Peridot has a moment to think after Pumpkin’s death, this happens. Deadly lasers fire from her gemstone and inadvertently causes an atmosphere-shredding wind storm that accelerates Homeworld’s destruction. Once she Involuntarily Shapeshifts into Chartreuse Diamond as she cries endlessly, the level of destruction is upped to Brown Note levels.

Armor-Piercing Question: Falls victim to this twice, both times by White Diamond. Both times, Steven is used to expose Peridot’s weak spot, which leads to the birth of Chartreuse Diamond and Celadon Diamond.

Armor-Piercing Slap: Gives one to Lapis in Chapter 8 of Act III, after Lapis invokes an Ironic Echo in reference to Pumpkin’s impending demise. She means well by it, but Peridot is too far into her Heroic BSoD to not take offense to her own words being used against her. Even when it’s justified.

The Atoner: Peridot considers herself eternally this after her redemption arc. Even after doing many good deeds, making friends, earning forgiveness, helping people, and saving Earth itself, Peridot still feels she could do more. When she regains her memories of how awful she used to be when she lived on Homeworld, Peridot doubles down on this role hard. She verbally confirms this in This is Who I Am.

Attack its Weak Point: Proposes this strategy to fight the pallified Blue Diamond. More specifically, to find its weak point with herself and her teammates scattering to the most likely place a weak point might be in hopes of striking the right spot.

Attacking Through Yourself:  When Peridot and Steven are stuck fighting each other’s dark selves in a duel to the death (where the dark/light counterparts feel each other’s pain and will perish should one side be killed), Peridot’s duel with Dark Steven quickly escalates into a scenario where Dark Steven is in the midst of choking to death – not by Peridot’s hands, but by her dark counterpart’s, who is well underway killing the Light Steven. Peridot can’t do anything to make her dark self stop this, as the two fights are separated between different dimensions. That is, there’s no way Peridot can make her counterpart stop killing Steven without inflicting damage on herself to disrupt her efforts. Unfortunately, 5XG (the Dark Peridot) retains Peridot’s lost ability to endure pain ridiculously well, so the only way Peridot has any chance of saving Steven is to inflict life-threatening levels of damage to herself. Having virtually no time to think of a better plan, Peridot goes with her instincts and uses a jagged piece of the arena’s floor tiling to lodge directly into her forehead, piercing her gemstone. This does work in forcing 5XG to release her hold on Steven – simultaneously saving both forms of him in the process – but it very nearly cost Peridot her life (and 5XG’s by proxy). Thankfully, the always-merciful Light Steven was there to quickly heal 5XG’s injury while the Dark Steven, having developed a begrudging respect for Peridot (and not wanting to be indebted to her for saving his life), also healed her injury as soon as he recovered from his life-threatening situation. With both Stevens worn down and vulnerable from nearly having their throats crushed and both Peridots too weak to actively continue fighting after sustaining deep, direct damage to their gemstones, both deathmatches ended in a No Contest, which yielded the result Light Peridot hoped to achieve: a scenario where she and Steven come out of this alive.

Ax-Crazy: In Chapter 6 of Act III, Peridot slips into this when she sees White Diamond’s neck and is immediately triggered due to the PTSD of the torture White put her through earlier in the act. Peridot ended up with a Slashed Throat from that (nonlethal considering she’s a gem, but it did shock her into unconsciousness and led to her being manipulated into ascension), so she finds herself intensely obsessed with returning the favor to White now that she has the opportunity.

[lewigm-blog]

Newsletter 1: And we’re off!

Published December 17, 2018

“For it is like a man going abroad, who called his servants and handed over his goods to them. And to one he gave five talents, to another two, and to the other one, each according to his particular ability, and then he went on his journey… For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me…” (Matthew 25:14-46).

*Full reading here

http://www.usccb.org/bible/matthew/25

http://usccb.org/bible/readings/121017.cfm

  Folks, I have officially arrived at my new home in Andahuaylillas, Peru! These past few weeks have been hectic with holiday preparations, intense academic work, and finding time for yourselves, but I hope that this email finds you well. First off, I hope that these monthly newsletters becomes a way for all of you who have accompanied me these past few years to follow along in my journey in Peru. All of you have played an integral role in my formation and I hope that this serves as a means for you all to hear more about where I am in this journey! This will be a literary project for myself and I hope to maintain it on a monthly basis. With that being said, any input, comments or suggestions are more than welcome! Also please share with me any interesting articles and readings that you come across because I need to stay sharp! Also if any there is another email you would like me to use, please share that with me.

This month, I would like to use the theme of Jesus’ Parable of the Talents and the Sheep and the Goats in Matthew 25:14-46 to organize some of my thoughts for this letter. Please read the verses carefully in order to help orient you and provide context. As many of you know, I have been meeting with many friends and family members these past few months and sharing a bit about why you matter to me. While attempting to connect this time to an overarching theme, I found that the Parable of the Talents and the Judgement of Nations’ story seems most relevant. I am using this passage because all of you have had some role in refining and developing my “talents” and “feeding me when I was hungry” (both literally speaking and figuratively, but more so literally with guest swipes and dinners). Many of you have helped me work through problems with conversation, helpful guidance or by simply offering up your active presence, which have in turn helped me to grow and mature. These are the moments in which you have met me at a most appropriate time helping me discern what exactly it was that I “hungered” for. Perhaps even more importantly, some of you have helped me to distinguish that hunger and passion I had from mere “appetite” in order to refine my palate so to speak. Through our relationship, I have been able to seek out those talents that have been stowed away, focus on the gifts that I had left undeveloped and improve my awareness of the temptations that can have them grow faint and distant. After careful reflection and suggestion on your end, I am entering into this volunteer experience confident and aware that I am exactly where need to be. This of course was not due to a few interactions and commentaries, but rather a collection of moments of the Spirit constantly working through us together! For that I am grateful for you all!

           There are three specific moments leading up to my departure in which I have found the grace of the Spirit to be alive and true with regards to these passages; the first being my interactions with an Uber driver Hector and with the Avianca worker who allowed me to somehow board the plane with all of this (See the google photos album for the luggage picture). The significance of my departure date being the Feast of the Immaculate Conception is another example as well. Lastly, I will share with you my experience at “La Misa” this past Monday.

Reaffirmed and helped by strangers: My encounter with Hector in Jersey City was a brief one, but one of great importance. While on a family visit with my girlfriend, Cat, we began discussing the nature of our visit with our Uber driver. After sharing that we were both planning on serving two years in Peru, he surprised us by telling us that he did a 31 month stretch in Peru himself! We were shocked to say the least and did not want that ride to end because we began probing him about his experience and any other wisdom he had to share. It was a very interesting experience given that Cat was preparing to leave for Peru the following Friday, and he shared with us that this experience would, as they say in the Jesuit Volunteer Corps, ruin us for life (or dare us to change for the kosher JVC friends out there). This moment of shared camaraderie and experience abroad helped reaffirm my decision to come to Perú, as it did for Cat.

What I believe was perhaps divine intervention was my encounter with a woman who worked for Avianca. Now, I know that typically stories involving airlines don’t usually have a lighthearted and good ending, but this was a different case. Just hours before my flight, I had to nervously repack and structure all of my luggage because I was apparently overweight. I had to figure out what I truly needed from what I had just wanted to bring. One of those items was a guitar that was gifted to me for my trip. I questioned whether it would be considered an extra personal item or an expensive checked bag, if it would be left behind, or even worse, taken by airport customs and security. I had just about come to terms with everything regarding my trip except the packing and organizing of all my belongings for this two-year experience. I had decided to simply put on all my extra clothes that I needed on my persons and go for it. This is what I look like with 5 pairs of pants and 4 jackets looks like. (Refer to the Google Photos Album)

Once we got into the airport, I waited tediously and uncomfortably in the never-ending lines. At the Avianca check-in center, I wondered was if all my training in sneaking food and drinks into the Cinnemark movie theater would translate well at the John F. Kennedy Airport. After allowing me to take a few extra pounds over free of charge, I had simply walked away with my guitar as if I had done it a thousand times before. BUT my conscious and anxiety thinking about the worst-case scenarios crept up on me. I felt that I had done something wrong and so I (perhaps foolishly) went back to the woman and asked her if the guitar was enough of a personal item… and she said promptly said yes and hurried me off! I felt an amazing sense of comfort in her human response and I felt that she recognized that if she was in my shoes, perhaps she would’ve wanted to hear the same thing. She may have also just been overwhelmed at work as it was and thought it would be too much of a hassle to process everything again, but I’ll stick to my original narrative and believe in humanity for a change!

Both encounters were moments of grace that left me wondering exactly why those two people helped me out. I felt that perhaps was another sign telling me “Keep going on, there’s much more for you to be focused on!” At any rate, I am grateful for the kindness shared by both people.

Feast Days: Although I don’t keep a close eye on the Liturgical calendar, a few of you mentioned that December 8th was the Feast of the Immaculate Conception. I found it quite interesting that my departure fell on this day because it gave me insight into how my mother must have been feeling from the day that I told her that I was to become a volunteer.

It isn’t the easiest thing to hear that your eldest son, a first-generation Salvadoran American, is deciding to take two years voluntarily to serve the poor further south than one’s native country of El Salvador. I’m sure that Mary wasn’t exactly sure what to think when God came to her and Joseph telling them “Yes, you will have a child and He will be the Savior of mankind!” In fact, I am almost certain that this is exactly the opposite thing you would want to tell any new parents, let alone recently immigrated parents. But my mother has only shown me the unconditional love she has always had for me and supported my decision, knowing well that this might mean infrequent communication and the uncertainty that comes with letting any child leave the nest over 3,000 miles away. I have been truly blessed with my mother and with all the opportunities she sacrificed so much of herself for, but I know that my mom has faith that this will all turn out well for me so long as I call her every so often and remind her of the Jose Saramago quote that has helped her through this experience (Pictured with translation in the Google Photos Album)

La Misa: Finally, we reach the “La Misa” or The Monday Mass moment. This was my final “sign” in reaffirming my decision to join the Jesuit Volunteer Corps. To provide some context, La Misa is a weekly tradition that the volunteers in Andahuaylillas and a number of Parish and Fe y Alegria workers come together to share a meal and have an intimate mass in someone’s home. It is a longstanding tradition to have mass inside homes when physical spaces of worship such as churches or temples are limited. Padre Gonzalo, our in-country coordinator, shared a beautiful homily at the Jesuit residence in Urcos about the December 10th readings. He focused on our ability to recognize our limitedness as humans to be self-fulfilling and whole and ask God for help. Currently in Andahuaylillas there is a two-week long drought that has left many farmers and workers out of money and food. Each evening at around 6 o’clock, there is a rogativo walk through the streets of Anda in which families and children pray and cry out for rain. It is a truly moving experience to witness how the people here express their faith in times of hardship. Another moving reading that week was in Mark’s gospel reading (Mk 1:1-8) as an image of an austere and simply dressed John the Baptist is shared. He says,

"One mightier than I is coming after me. I am not worthy to stoop and loosen the thongs of his sandals. I have baptized you with water; he will baptize you with the Holy Spirit."

 This reading and imagery connected with me on a few levels. First, is John the Baptist and his task at hand. He recognizes the goodness in obeying God’s will and mission for him but understands that he isn’t the ONE who will make the greatest impact on the world. For him, it is Jesus who will do that, and I feel that I can relate. I could say that I am in Peru to change the lives of many here in Andahuaylillas, but that isn’t necessarily true, or even a task that I should place on solely myself. I must trust that goodness will come out of the faith of people themselves and allow myself to accept that this change will not happen by my own hands, but on the good will and faith of God and the Spirit working through me. I can try to change people all I want, but if they are not ready and open to that, then I can only hope that one day it will happen.

The second note is the physical appearance of John the Baptist. Being that we have in our four JVC values, the pillar of simple living, I thought it was interesting that John the Baptist only wore and ate what was necessary for his mission. Although I tried very hard to bring as much as I thought was needed, I recognize the importance of this approach to mission. I had to have a bit more faith that I need not worry too much about clothing, food and water as much as I thought, but have faith that with some preparation, I will have what is needed for my journey here.

In many ways I see this will and call to ask for God’s grace and guidance for these next two years in my own life as I see it in others. God is always asking of us to call out to him and seek forgiveness, love and orientation in our lives. I believe that my desire and thirst for this wisdom and vocation into service and faith has been quenched by His love and Spirit working through each and every one of you. You ALL have so many gifts to offer others and you willingly share that in the ways you have been there for me and live your lives. I only hope that I can model that for others here and have the humility to learn that from the Peruanos here as well; To recognize those that hunger and thirst for more, to hone my talents, both hidden and apparent, for the greater glory of God.

Peace,

Luis

GOOGLE PHOTOS LINK https://photos.app.goo.gl/WSb9vEEBo64FPw3k7