#i rather go deaf and never listen to music again than to go blind

[secretagentspy]

My best friend - Chris Sturniolo x Fem reader

Word count: 1,914

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CAR VIDEO:

Nick: Ok so today we have a special guest joining us for todays car video, Say HI!

Y/n: Hey guys

Matt: Ok so some of you guys might not no this yet ok but This is our like best friend y/n and so we have known her since grade 2 and we have grown up together ever since.

Y/n: Ye so that's like what 10-11 years

Nick: yeah so we've known her for quite some time now

Chris: ok so anyways back to the video today we could be doing some would you rather's

Nick: ooh ok I got one would you rather live without your friends and family the rest of your life or live without music for the rest of your life.

Matt: oh my gosh what I can't pick between that because like ok I listen to music for more than 50% of the day but that's my friends and family but because I love my friends and family I guess I will have to pick never listen to music ever again in my life.

Chris: yeah I agree

Y/n: same

Nick: yeah but like actually no I'm going with the other one wait no ok never mind I'll go with what you guys picked because now that I actually think about it I know that no matter what I will never be able to live without my friends or family.

Y/n: okay okay I got one would you rather be blind or deaf

Nick: fear of coarse

Chris & Matt: why?

Nick: because if your blind you'll most likely never be able to see again but if your deaf ok I mean look you can get hearing aids or you can learn sight language.

Matt: ohh good point I'm going with deaf to

Y/n: yeah I would rather be deaf then blind

Chris: I'm going with blind

Matt: wait what why?

Chris: Because everyone else is picking deaf so I thought that I would pick blind

SKIP TO AFTER FINISHING FILMING

CHRIS: Y/n do you wanna stay at our house for the night

Y/n: Um yeah sure

Matt: Do you guys wanna watch a movie?

Chris,y/n & Nick: Yeah sure

The order you sit in

CHRIS,Y/N,NICK,MATT

Y/n and Chris share a blanket and Nick and Matt have there own blankets since there was only 3 blankets. Half way through the movie yours and Chris's hand are underneath the blanket and you feel a hand touch yours it's Chris's hand you and him make eye contact and you start to feel this connection between you two and that's when it hits you the reason your the most comfortable around Chris is because you like him! You quickly look away before it gets too awkward, and you and Chris contour holding hands for the rest of the movie.

Once the movie was over Nick and Matt went to bed because it was 3:30am so you and

Chris went to his room

Chris: Hey y/n you wanna go live with me

Y/n: Sure on Instagram?

Chris: Yeah

Y/n: Ok cool

Chris: Yo what up guys, No way I already have 15K viewers what! I only just started this live, Y/n look oh yeah and I'm here with y/n you guys

Y/n: Wait how many viewers do you have?

Chris: Um 19K now

Y/n: Wait what but didn't you only just start this live?

Chris: Yeah that's crazy

What's in this next video is what you and Chris do on live Y/n is the girl and Chris is the boy And pretend that the

other girl isn't there.

After you guys end the live you guys decide to do to bed you and the triplets always share a bed but not like in a weird way ok so you to got in bed and say good night to each other. Around about 10 minutes later you feel A big cold Veiny hand slide up to your waist and you didn't bother on moving it or telling Chris to stop because to be honest you kind of liked it. Around 10:00am The next day Matt & Nick come into Chris's room and see you to cuddling.

Nick takes a photo,

Matt: Chrissy wake up!

Y/n and Chris groan while slowly waking up.

Nick: you too start getting ready we're going to the beach. Ok.

Chris & Y/n: ok. Ok.

You guys are now dressed ready for the beach and are on your way.

You guys arrive at the beach and Nick bolts! Out the car leaving the rest of you guys behind and runs straight to the water and starts swimming. While you , Matt & Chris get the towels, Beach chairs & a shade umbrella you 3 all walk down and set up and watch Nick in the ocean before yelling out to him to ask if he could take some photos of you for Instagram.

once you upload the pictures you took, you run into the water where Chris,Nick & Matt are swimming around and after about an hour Nick & Matt are packing up the stuff sitting on the beach with your guy's things when Chris ask's to talk with you

Chris: Um hey Y/n

Y/n: Yeah what's up

Chris: Come walk with me for a sec

Y/n: Ok Um so what did you want me for?

Chris: Ok stop for a sec ok I just need to say this really Quick okay like I have a lot of feelings for you okay and I can't hide this any more because I'm just so in love with you I can't get you out of my mind you're in my mind 24 seven and I was wondering if you would want to be my girlfriend?

Y/n Oh My Gosh of coarse I would love to be your girlfriend Chris.

Matt yells out for you 2 to hurry up.

Chris hold out his hand and says "Shall we"

Y/n: We shall

You to both hold hands while running back to the van. You both sit in the back of the van holding hands and then Nick messages you on your phone so you let go Chris's hand and answer his message and it says " OMG are you guys holding hands wait did he ask you to be his you know?"

The new respond with yes okay but don't tell Matt I want to tell him myself later when we get back to the house okay so please please please don't tell Nat I'm begging you not to tell him. Okay okay I won't he responds with. Thank you so much Nick you message him back with.

YOUR BACK AT THE HOUSE NOW

Y/n: I'm going to go have a shower

Chris: yeah I'll have one after you

You and Chris both have your showers and are now laying in bed.

Y/n: Alright I'm going to go to sleep I'm really tired

Chris: Yeah same

Hippo say good night to each other and fall asleep except Chris thought you were asleep but you secretly weren't.

Chris: I know your asleep Y/n ok but I really hope that you know that I love you and forever will but I know you probably didn't hear that cause your asleep but I love you

Y/n: I love you to Chris

After Chris has he say that he is the biggest smile on his face and he kisses your forehead and you to cuddle and go to sleep

You wake and you notice that Chris isn't there you walk out and him, Matt & Nick are having breakfast out in the kitchen

Matt: Hey GoodMorning Y/n

Y/n: Morning

Nick: Hey you want some breakfast

Y/n: Sure what is it

Nick: Bacon & eggs

Y/n: Ooohhhh yummy thanks

Chris: Oh um yeah Matt, me and Y/n need to talk to you after breakfast

Matt: Um ok?

After breakfast you and Chris take Matt to another room

Matt: Ok so what was it that you wanted to tell me

Chris: Um ok well me and Y/n are kind of you know a thing

Matt: Like a couple?

Y/n: Yeah we're a couple

Matt: oh my gosh I'm so happy for you to I can't believe it you to are such a great couple already I just know.

Y/n & Chris: Aw thank you so much I'm so glad that you're happy for us

Y/n: Ok now all we have to do it tell the media

Chris: Yep I'm kinda nervous to see what they say

Y/n Oh don't worry it'll be fine

The live

Y/n: Um hey guys Chris and I just wanted to come on here very quickly just to inform you guys with some information.

Chris: Um yeah so ok we basically just wanted To tell everyone that Y/n and I are like kinda dating so um yeah that's it. But since that's all we wanted to tell you guys we're going to end this live so um yeah I hope that all of you guys have a wonderful day or night wherever you guys are and I'm yeah bye

Y/n: Bye you guys love ya

ONCE YOU AND CHRIS END THE LIVE YOU 2 HAVE THIS CONVERSATION IN PRIVATE.

Y/n: Oh um yeah Chris how are we going to tell Elmer? Because I don't know how he's going to react with us you know dating and like being a thing?

Chris: Look ok why don't we just go over to yours and his house and we can tell him there ok?

Y/n Ok but you know what if he gets made or he hates me or even worse ends up hating you oh my gosh what's he going to think?

Chris: Y/n Y/n Y/n look at me ok he isn't going to be mad or get angry ok your just stressed out about this ok so calm down now let's go over there right now and talk to him ok?

Y/n: Ok

AT YOURS AND ELMERS HOUSE

Y/n: ELMER!!!!

Elmer Comes rushing down the stairs and gives you a great big hug

Elmer: Y/n Your finally back oh hey Chris

Chris: Hey Elmer

Y/n: Ok so um Elmer we have to talk to you ok so come have a seat,

Okay so basically what I wanted to tell you was Chris and I are dating and I don't know what to really do because I love him so much and I know he love me so much and I don't want you to be upset with us because I know you said that we shouldn't date really really love each other again I just hope you could be happy for me and I hope that you're not gonna get mad at me.

Elmer: Oh My Gosh Y/n Of coarse I'm not going to get made at you look ok I'm really happy for you 2.

In the end you and Chris are just happy that everyone supports you two.

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Hey this is my first story it’s not good and I know my grammar is horrible but I tried my best let me know if there’s anything that you guys want me to write about.🫶🏼

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[sherlock-is-ace]

.

[fuzziemutt]

I feel people often misunderstand what being selectively mute means and that it has a spectrum (by severity and manifestation) too like other disorders ?

Like i feel people hear selectively mute and go "oh so you're basically mute by arguable choice and thus learn asl and go through similar stuff mute and deaf people do"

But that isn't really true no ???

There's a large variety to being selectively mute and some peeps DO have similar experiences to mute and deaf people or even nonverbal peeps but not everyone is the same

Like I'm selectively mute but many people don't assume so because when I'm with friends i talk a lot and i can talk in public if I'm with people ! And I'm seemingly "normal" due to this

But people don't see how if I'm by myself i will go fully mute or if I'm in a fearfully stressful situation (especially by myself) i can also completely lose my ability to talk ! I know i have problems with this and it's why i try not to go anywhere by myself (and listen to music often to curb possible convos) and while i can force myself to talk for times like doctor's appointments it's very stressful for me, tiring and i often speak very quietly if i force it and can't force my voice at louder volumes or it will give me panic attacks (it can even make me go mute for the rest of the day or even following day if i force it too much)

Like the main thing with being selectively mute is that you're incapable of speaking when within environments you feel unsafe or stressed in (which this is an anxiety disorder) but you are able to talk while within environments you DO feel safe and often comfortable in

Of course this is a very simplified definition and as i mentioned this disorder is very diverse and people can have selective mutism from/for different things such as trauma related things i believe but y'know the whole "is able to talk when feeling safe" i feel is important

I also don't know asl; I've been trying to learn it on my own time but it just hasn't happened and since i mostly avoid going places by myself/doing things i know will trigger mutism, i never personally had to infact need it (it would make my life easier at some points such with asking things maybe but it hasn't been my only form of communication for extended periods of time). I also when i go mute i often don't want to make any communication really like not even noises or suggestive motions i just want to leave as i fear the communication part

Also i feel the assumption of all selectively mute people knowing asl is similar to that of assuming all blind people know braille like yes this is very helpful and some choose to learn since it is very helpful but not everyone does

This whole post is mainly because I'm seeing an increase in people giving characters selective mutism which is great ! But they tend to treat the character as if they're mute/deaf and they speak strictly in asl and seemingly oftentimes don't have the anxiety of the disorder at all ? Like they're missing the vital part of the reason they're mute being because they're scared and feeling unsafe

For example, i see people give Gordon Freeman (from the game half life) selective mutism but they don't touch upon his anxieties in the situations and again have him strictly mute, only speaking in asl and hardly ever suggest he ever does talk (or use him talking as a joke)

And asl is great and i truly believe everyone should learn it if they can ! I'm glad asl is showing up and being used in the half life fandom ! But please know there's a diversity to this disorder and it isn't just being mute/deaf lite where the person can speak they just don't want to rather than a fear/anxiety response

TL;DR: Please stop making selective mutism mute/deaf lite and ignoring that it's an anxiety based disorder and selectively mute peeps can talk and even be talkative when they feel safe ;;

Btw I'm not like mad or anything about this and i don't want anyone to assume this is like an angry rant or anything it's just something I've noticed and been kinda sad sorta frustrated about ???

I know peeps aren't intending to do this tho is the main point but i just wanted to talk about it :^)

(Also i am not like a professional on this topic nor are my words like an end all be all situation this is just my thoughts and experiences alrighty)

[miss-tc-nova]

Shared Ailments - Sora x Reader

Okay, I could probably do this better, but I’m brain dead and got other things to do. I was inspired to write something after listening to Yuukei Yesterday but figured the best fit was Sora, which I don’t normally write for but tada! Enjoy. 

Music Inspiration: Yuukei Yesterday cover by Jubyhonic

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              The sun beats down on the defenseless, little Destiny Islands. Citizens are subject to the glaring sunrays but have come to adapt to their harsh heat. I’ve only been here a few years and even I’ve become somewhat accustom to the tropical temperature but I will blatantly state that I detest the sunlight: it’s blinding and burning and ruthless. I’d rather spend my time inside, perfectly content in my own company.

              Today offers no relief from the typical threat of sunburn. I only just left school and my body is already starting to feel sticky with sweat. My feet swiftly carry me down the sidewalk towards my home, eager to get someplace cool.

              Just as I round a corner, something heavy slams into me. The force throws me to the ground before subsequently squishing me. Pain grates across my arm but I can’t even gripe about it because my winded lungs are busy with a coughing fit.

              “Sorry! Are you okay?!”

              Still hacking away, I open my eyes to see the brightest blue eyes I’ve ever seen. Despite his concern, the brunette doesn’t seem to think his full weight on top of me is a problem and the proximity sends fire surging up my spine.

              “Sora! Get off!” someone else demands.

              “Right! Sorry! Let me help you!”

              Relieving me from his mass, the boy hops up. He not-so-carefully takes my arm and pulls me off the ground. Hissing at the sting, I immediately rip out of his grasp. It’s not gushing, but the concrete certainly shredded my skin.

              “Look what you did,” a third voice scolds, the girl standing behind him.

              In this trio, I only know of Riku—he’s my neighbor. However, since I moved here a few years ago, I’ve only seen these three in passing; they seem to disappear for months, sometimes years, at a time before randomly showing back up. I’ve run into Riku a few times, but we didn’t really interact which was fine by me. From what I have seen of his personality, it seemed he wouldn’t be a bother at all, unlike the brunette: Sora.

              Sora apologizes again. “I’m sorry. Here, let me help.”

              I flinch away from him. “Get away from me!”

              “I can help!”

              “I don’t need your help,” I spit. “I need you to get away from me.”

              “But I can fix it!” Somehow, those big blue eyes get even bigger and something about that look disconnects my brain from my mouth. “Please?”

              Whatever he’s done to destroy my defense prevents a response, which brings a giddy grin to his face. The next thing I know, I’m being dragged in a different direction. The entire time, Sora radiates happiness like the sun even though his plans are now to help someone he injured.

              I’m still a little hazy on what happened from there. We ended up at Sora’s house, sitting around his living room. I thought he was going to get a first aid kit or something, but he just held my arm. I would’ve jerked away, except a gentle glow seeped from beneath his fingers, distracting me long enough to lull me back into the tedious discussion. When he finally let go, my jaw dropped. There was nothing left behind—no scrape, no scabs, nothing but unmarred skin. It had me stunned and questioning the normalcy of these people, especially Sora. He was able to overcome every habit cultivated to maintain my peace and privacy. I don’t know if it had to do with the stuff he used on my arm—or if that light was some sort of virus or something—but my sharp tongue could not get through his lightheartedness. Still, I was desperate for an escape so I dropped it and left, briefly mentioning that I hoped to never run into him again.

              But I did.

              Somehow, Riku conned me into hanging out with him—what he failed to mention was that Sora and Kairi would be joining us. I figured it was worth my while to be on neighborly terms with the guy next door, whether it be for favors, friendship, or emergencies, so I thought there wouldn’t be any trouble. Well, trouble was his middle name and he showed up just five minutes after I did.

              Unfortunately, that one accepted hang out apparently gave them the okay to bring me along on all their random shenanigans. They would ambush me after school or even straight up kidnap me from my front door. They were harmless inconveniences, so I endured them, but they repeatedly ignored my every attempt to sneak away or shut down another get together. Nothing I did stopped them from showing up later to abduct me again.

              Admittedly, Riku and Kairi are nice people that I could get along with pretty easily. Sora—Sora is like the sun; he’s so much for one introvert to deal with. He’s so peppy and energetic, even when he’s being lazy. Sure, that’s not necessarily a bad thing, but I just can’t deal with that for so long.

              To add to the exhaustion, every time I see that guy it’s like my body is trying to shut down. My heart shudders while I start to overheat and I can’t think straight. Sometimes I can barely get a word out, let alone against him. He must be using more of that weird magic or something to make me sick. I’ve considered talking to the other two about it, but as soon as Sora’s gone, I’m fine so I haven’t pressed for any answers yet.

              Today is Saturday. I’ve been holed up inside since I woke up, expecting to have the perfect, peaceful day. All my homework is already done, I don’t have any chores except for making food, and I’ve already collected everything I need to enjoy my free day. I’ve been looking forward to this all week.

              There’s a knock at the door. I don’t like that knock; I wasn’t expecting anyone today. For a moment, I simply stare at the door, contemplating whether or not I should answer it.

              What if it’s an emergency?

              A hand slaps against my forehead for such a stupid thought; now I can’t just let it go. Grumbling, I stalk towards the door to see who’s intruding on my respite.

              Immediately, I’m greeted with his beaming face. “Morning!”

              The door slams shut.

              Fuck.

              In that short second, my heart stopped and I can feel the blood rushing to my ears.

              “Ah c’mon!” he calls. “You didn’t even hear what we wanted!”

              “I don’t care what you want!” I shout, thankful I’m not arguing face-to-face with him or I’d never win. “Go away!”

              “We know you’re not doing anything today,” Kairi says.

              “Exactly! Nothing! And you can’t make me!”

              Riku’s with them. “C’mon. We need your help.”

              “No!”

              I find it suspicious when there’s a delay in their coercion but all hope of them abandoning their harassment is lost when I hear Sora’s voice faint on the other side.

              “Really? You think that’ll work?”

              I press my ear to the door.

              “Of course,” Kairi replies; there’s something in her tone that sends shivers down my spine.

              Riku’s got that same note in his voice. “Do you want them to come or not?”

              “Yeah, but they already said no.” The brunette is the odd-man-out, sounding more confused than anything.

              “Just do it,” orders the girl.

              Sora sighs. This time, loud enough that it must be intended for me, he begs, “Please?”

              It must be some magic spell because, without first consulting my brain, my arm reaches out to tear the door open. Sora seems just as surprised as I feel, however, when I realize what’s happened, I throw a glare to the smirking cohorts behind him.

              “What do you want?” I snap, grateful that this unforeseen circumstance hasn’t yet destroyed my conscience.

              This is where it starts to deteriorate. With all that sunshine back in full force, Sora says, “We’re gonna do some repairs on the stuff on the other island and we wanted to know if you’d help. You don’t have to do any of the hard stuff.”

              A hand over my eyes feigns frustration; in reality, it’s there to shield me from his cheeriness.

              “I just wanted to relax and be lazy today,” I groan.

              Somehow, Kairi shimmies past me to nudge me out the door. “You can relax while you keep us company.”

              “Uh, hey!”

              She drops a pair of my shoes at my feet and closes my front door.

              “And hold the nails,” Riku insists, pushing a bucket of metal into my hands.

              “I hate all of you,” I growl as the pair continues ushering me out of my yard.

              Sora jumps ahead, looking back at me joyfully. “It’s gonna be fun. But thanks for coming; we really appreciate it.”

              That happy face—those dazzling eyes, that beautiful smile—is the spell he holds over me; it eradicates all coherent thoughts and causes my stomach to squirm.

              Unable to lash out, I drop my gaze. “It’s fine.”

              So my plans are effectively destroyed. Once we arrive, the trio gets to work just as they said, fixing up some of the old structures scattered about the place—just a few worn planks here and there. We chatter along as the work goes by and I diligently do my job of providing nails. It’s hot and I’d still prefer to be at home right now, but it’s not the worst Saturday of my life.

              I’m not exactly sure when, but Riku and Kairi abandon Sora and I on the bridge in favor of the docks. Riku took with him a handful of nails, essentially condemning me to alone time with Sora. So I sit around, passing nails out, while he attempts to talk my ear off. And no matter what quips or insults I throw at him, he just goes on as if I hadn’t said anything. It’s like he’s impervious—or deaf. Still, no matter how many times I tell him to shut up, I can’t block out a single thing he says. He’s got my undivided attention whether I want to give it or not.

              He beats on the board with his hammer. “But I gotta say, being a pirate was more fun than being a mermaid…man…merman?”

              Exasperated, I reply, “Sora, if you’re gonna lie to me, you could at least make it believable.”

              “But I’m not lying,” he says with a childish pout.

              I pass another nail into his open palm. “Really? Pirates? Mermaids? Monsters?! There’s no way you turned into all these crazy things.”

              “I did!” he insists, lining the nail. “But you can’t tell anyone.”

              “And have them think I’m crazy too? No thanks,” I snark, looking away. Curiosity gets the better of me. “But why not?”

              “It’s this whole crazy world order thing. We’re not supposed to tell people about other worlds or it might freak ‘em out,” he casually says as he works.

              “Then why did you tell me?”

              Ocean eyes lift to ensnare my heart. With a smile more blinding than the sun, he answers, “Because you seem like someone I can trust.”

              That’s it: I’m done. Panic takes over while I fight the urge to vomit beneath this woozy feeling. That inexplicable fever begins to run rampant again.

              Sora’s high spirits falter. “Are you okay?”

              Dropping the bucket, I stand and blurt out, “I’mgoinghome.”

              “What?”

              “I can’t do this anymore!” I start for the hut, only for a hand to take my wrist.

              “Hey, what’s wrong?”

              “Don’t touch me!” I snap, ripping my arm away. The trepidation prevents me from answering his reasonable questions.

              “Wha…Did I say something?”

              There is no rational answer. “Leave me alone!”

              He slips around to block my path, that worry on his face aggravating my ailment. “Are you okay?”

              “Get out of my way!” I demand, my heart thumping so violently I’m sure even he can hear it. “I’m going home!”

              “But, why?”

              “BECAUSE OF YOU!”

              The second I realize what I’ve said, my hand slaps over my mouth. Sora’s surprise turns to horror and hurt. All the disorders in me disappear, replaced with utter dread—I royally screwed up.

              “Because…of me?”

              The words stockpile in my mouth, random ones falling out. “I-I…you…I can’t…”

              “Are you mad at me?” This is the first time Sora has ever taken anything I’ve said to heart. His heartbroken voice and kicked-puppy expression cause a vice in my chest.

              “N-No! I just…”

              “What did I do wrong?”

              “I DON’T KNOW!” I shout. “I don’t know what you did but every time you’re around I can’t function! I’m burning up! I always feel like I’m gonna puke! My brain doesn’t work right and I say stupid things! It feels like someone’s squeezing my heart! I don’t know what you’re doing but it’s freaking me out!”

              The sadness I instilled in Sora melts but gives me no comfort. It turns into some sort of revelation.

              “You feel it too?”

              I hesitate. “What?”

              Looking away, he scratches at the back of his head. “Every time I’m near you, I feel kinda sick, like I’m gonna throw up. I feel warmer, I always forget what I’m doing, and I know I talk a lot but, with you, I can’t stop talking—I even tell you things I shouldn’t. Mostly, it feels like my heart’s gonna burst. I really thought I was crazy or something but if you feel it too, maybe I’m not.”

              All I can do is stare; he describes it differently, but the basics seem to be there: fever, mild nausea, brain failure, stupid mouth, and a bewildering heart. I would almost consider this some minor illness, but I can’t think of a single illness that muddles thoughts and runs a mouth the way I have.

              “But you know,” Sora adds, “it’s also hard to stop staring when I’m with you. And…I can’t stop smiling.” Those are different but I still can’t make sense of any of it. On the other hand, for Sora, it seems like he’s following some train of thought. “It’s actually not that bad. I like seeing you and I like talking to you, even when you nag me. I really like hanging out with you.”

              He’s reached an epiphany, the light in his head shining in his eyes.

              So happy, yet so gentle, Sora says, “I like you.”

              “You…like me?” I whisper, trying to wrap my head around his diagnosis. “You feel it too…and you like me?”

              “Yeah.”

              The concept rolls in my conscience, taking in each symptom and carefully fitting it against Sora’s conclusion. They all align perfectly. Somehow, someway, I fell for this dork of a man and was just too much of a coward to confront it.

              “Oh no,” I complain, hiding behind my fingers. “I’m such an idiot.”

              “What’s wrong?” His concern is back.

              Looking him in the eye was difficult to being with; it’s damn near unbearable now. The sun is no match against the blood in my veins. Arms wrap around me to contain the anxiety building inside. It feels like an eternity before I manage to voice my problem.

              “I…like you too.”

              The sunshine that he radiates feels different. There’s nothing different about it by any means, but it represents something different now. It’s not the burning, overbearing brightness that I’ve been trying to avoid; it’s warm and welcoming. It’s still uncomfortable as hell, I still want to vomit, but with a tweak of perspective, it’s tolerable—maybe even enjoyable.

              “You do?” he asks hopefully.

              I can’t recall having ever smiled like this. “Yeah.”

              Sora’s expression blanks, a cherry red blooming across his face.

              “Sora?”

              Without warning, he grips my shoulders and pulls me into a tight embrace.

              “You have the most amazing smile,” he murmurs.

              My heart skips and I might be on fire but I don’t want to run away this time. So I slip my arms around his neck and hide my face in his shoulder.

              “You goof,” I hum into his shirt.

              Then I see them, across the sand, sitting on the docks, with the smuggest grins on their faces. The thought strikes me like a bolt of lightning—they knew. Those two assholes knew everything this entire time and planned this whole thing. As I glare, a pair of fingers wave at them behind the brunette’s back, receiving sneaky snickers in response.

              Sora leans back. “You okay?”

              I put on a quick smile—he doesn’t need to know. “I’m great.”

              A quick peck ambushes my cheek, reigniting the flustering awkwardness.

              “Yeah you are.”

[vajranam]

Medicine Buddha Sutra

Medicine Buddha Sutra

Sutra on the Merits of the Fundamental Vows of the Mater of Healing, the Lapis Lazuli Radiance Tathagata

Or

Sutra of the Sacred Formula of the Binding Vows of the Deva Generals to Enrich All Sentient Beings

or

Sutra of Tearing Away All Karmic Veils

Om. Homage to the Omniscient One. Homage to the Lord Master of Healing, the Lapis Lazuli Radiance King Tathagata.

Thus have I heard ….

Once, when the Lord was traveling through the various states to teach and transform the inhabitants, he arrived at Vaisali. There he dwelt at the base of a tree from which music resounded. Together with him was a great assembly of monks, totaling 8,000. Thirty-six thousand Bodhisattva-mahasattvas were there, and the king of the state, his great ministers, brahmins, learned laymen, devas, nagas, yaksas, and beings human and non-human were in attendance. This immeasurable large assembly respectfully gathered around the Buddha, and he then expounded the teaching to them.

The Dharma Prince Manjushri, receiving through inspiration the Buddha’s sublime spiritual force, arose from his seat, bared his shoulder on one side, and knelt with his right knee on the ground. Bowing down towards the Lord and clasping his hands together, Manjushri address him and said, “Oh Lord, I sincerely wish that you expound upon the forms and varieties of all the Buddhas’ names and on the rare merits of their fundamental great vows [made when they first set out on the Bodhisattva Path). All who hear this will be caused to be purified of their karmic fetters, so that they may confer benefits and joy to all sentient beings in the age of the replica teachings [when only form rather than content remains of the spiritual teachings].”

The Lord then praised Manjushri, and he said, “Excellent, excellent, Manjushri. You have implored me with your great compassion to expound on all the Buddhas’ names and the merits of their fundamental vows, in order to tear off the karmic fetters which bind sentient beings and to benefit, enrich, and bring peace and joy to all sentient beings in the period of replica teachings. You should listen now with utmost care and consider well what I shall tell you.”

Manjushri said, “I sincerely wish that you will speak. We all will listen with great joy to your explanations.”

The Buddha told Manjushri, “If you go eastward beyond as many Buddha fields as there are ten times the number of grains of sand in the Ganges River, you will find a realm known as ‘Pure Lapis Lazuli.’ The Buddha there is known as:

Master of Healing, the Lapis Lazuli Radiance Tathagata,

Arhat,

Perfectly Enlightened One,

Perfect in Mind and Deed,

Well-Gone,

He Who Knows the World,

Unsurpassed Being,

Tamer of Passions,

Teacher of Devas and Men,

Buddha,

and Lord.

Manjushri, when that Buddha, Lord Master of Healing, the Lapis Lazuli Radiance Tathagata first set out on the Bodhisattva Path, he made twelve vows to enable all sentient beings to obtain that which they seek.

First Great Vow

‘I vow that when I attain the unexcelled complete enlightenment in a future age, a radiant light will blaze forth from my body. It will brilliantly illumine limitless, countless, boundless realms. This body will be excellently adorned with the thirty-two marks of the great man and the eighty secondary marks. I will cause all sentient being to wholly resemble me.’

Second Great Vow

‘I vow that when I attain enlightenment in a future ago, my body will be like lapis lazuli within and without, bright with penetrating and flawless purity.

The radiance will be of great merit and imposing, indeed. My body will be an excellent and tranquil dwelling, adorned with [an aureole like] a glowing net surpassing the sin and moon in its radiance.

I will show the dawn to those beings who are completely concealed in darkness, so that they may act in accordance with the desired path.’

Third Great Vow

‘I vow that when I attain enlightenment in a future age, with infinite and boundless insight and means, I shall cause all sentient beings to obtain all that they need. They shall never lack [the necessities of life).’

Fourth Great Vow

I vow that when I attain enlightenment in a future age, of there are sentient beings who tread upon heretical paths; I will cause them all to peacefully abide within the path of enlightenment. If there are those who are adherents of the sravaka or pratyekabuddha vehicles, they will all become securely established in the Great Vehicle (Mahayana).’

Fifth Great Vow

‘I vow that when I attain enlightenment in a future age, if there are limitless and boundless sentient beings who cultivate and practice the pure conduct of my teaching, I will cause them all to be able to follow perfectly the rules of conduct and be complete in the three cumulative precepts. Those who slander and offend will, after hearing my name, be able once again to attain purity, and they will not sink into a woeful existence.’

Sixth Great Vow

‘I vow that when I attain enlightenment in a future age, of there are sentient beings whose bodies are inferior, whose sense organs are impaired, who are ugly, stupid, deaf, blind, mute, bent and lame, hunchbacked, leprous, convulsive, insane, or who have all sorts of diseases and suffering - such beings when they hear my name shall obtain proper appearances and practical intelligence. All their senses will become perfect and they shall have neither sickness nor suffering.’

Seventh Great Vow

‘I vow that when I attain enlightenment in a future age, of there are any sentient beings who are ill and oppressed, who have nowhere to go and nothing to return to, who have neither doctor nor medicine, neither relatives nor immediate family, who are destitute and whose sufferings are acute - as soon as my name passed through their ears, they will be cured of all their diseases and they will be peaceful and joyous in body and mind. They will have plentiful families and property, and they will personally experience the supreme enlightenment.’

Eighth Great Vow

‘I vow that when I attain enlightenment in a future age, if there are any women who suffer from any of the hundred woes that befall women, who are wearied at the end of their lives and wish to abandon the female form - when these women hear my name, they all will obtain transformation in rebirth from female into male physical forms. They all will personally experience the supreme enlightenment.’

Ninth Great Vow

‘I vow that when I attain enlightenment in a future age, I will cause all sentient beings to escape from Mara’s net. They will be freed from the fetters of all deviant paths. If there are those who have sunk into various negative views as dense as a jungle, I will embrace them and establish them in correct views. I will gradually cause them to cultivate and study all the Bodhisattva practices and they will soon personally experience the supreme enlightenment.’

Tenth Great Vow

‘I vow that when I attain enlightenment in a future age, if - according to that which is recorded in the king’s laws - there are any sentient beings who are bound and whipped, tied up and thrown into prison, or who will be subjected to capital punishment; and to whom boundlessly catastrophic difficulties occur that are humiliating; grievous, and distressing, their bodies and minds suffering these bitter nesses - if such persons hear my name, due to the beneficial spiritual force of my auspicious virtues, they will be freed from all sorrows and sufferings.’

Eleventh Great Vow

‘I vow that when I attain enlightenment in a future age, of there are any sentient beings who are tormented by hunger and thirst and who create bad karma in their [desperate] search for sustenance - if they hear my name and firmly retain it in their minds and hold to it, then I will provide them first with incomparably marvelous food and drink to fully satisfy their bodies.

Afterwards, through providing them with the taste of the Teaching, they will ultimately become peaceful and joyous and well established in it.’

Twelfth Great Vow

‘I vow that when I attain enlightenment in a future age, if there are any sentient beings who are poor and, having no clothing, are annoyed and irritated through the day and night by flies and mosquitoes, heat and cold - if they hear my name and firmly retain it in their minds and hold to it, in accordance with their wishes, they will obtain all sorts of superior and marvelous clothing. They will also obtain every precious adornment, garlands, powder incense, music, and [the enjoyment of] various performing arts. I shall cause them to have in abundance whatever their hearts desire.’

“Manjushri, these are the twelve subtle, sublime, and superior vows expressed by that Lord Master of Healing, the Lapis Lazuli Radiance Tathagata when he set out onto the Bodhisattva Path. As to the merits and glorious adornments of his Buddha-land, if I tried to speak of them for an eon, or even longer than an eon, I would not be able to describe them in full. The Lord Master of Healing Buddha-land has been singularly pure up to the present, and there is no temptation there, no woeful paths of existence, and no cries of suffering. The ground is made of lapis lazuli, and roads are marked with gold. The walls and gates, palaces and pavilions, balconies and windows, draperies and curtains are all made of the seven precious substances. It is similar to the Joyous Realm of the West; its merits and adornments are no different.”

Medicine Master-mb11.jpg

“In this land, there are two Bodhisattva-mahasattvas. One is named All-Pervading Solar Radiance and the other is named All-Pervading Lunar Radiance. They are the leaders of the limitless, numberless host of Bodhisattvas there. They are fully able to uphold the treasury of the genuine teachings of the Lord Master of Healing, the Lapis Lazuli Radiance Tathagata.”

“For these reasons, Manjushri, all the good sons and daughters [of the Buddhist family] having faithful hearts should aspire to be reborn in that Buddha’s realm.”

The Lord then told the youth Manjushri, “Manjushri, there are beings who do not distinguish between good and bad, who only cherish greed and stinginess. They know nothing of spreading charity and of the fruits and rewards of giving. Stupid and dense, they have no insight and lack the roots of faith. Amassing wealth and jewels, they industriously guard and protect [their hoard]. When they see a beggar coming, the become displeased, and if they fail to protect themselves and are forced to give in charity, they generate such deep and painful resentment that it seems as if they are cutting off a piece of their own bodies.”

“Furthermore, there are sentient beings who are boundlessly stingy and avaricious. They amass riches, and since they do not even spend it on themselves, how could they possibly be able to give to their parents, spouses, children, or to their maidservants, laborers, or to beggars? At the end of their present lives, these sentient beings will be reborn as starving ghosts or animals. Because in a former incarnation as a human being, such a being briefly heard the name, “Master of Healing, the Lapis Lazuli Radiance Tathagata,” in this woe some path of existence he will suddenly remember that Tathagata’s name. When he recalls the Tathagata’s name, he will disappear from that place and once again be born among humans. Obtaining knowledge of his past lives and dreading [return to] the woe some paths, he will no longer take joy in worldly pleasures. He will come to like practicing benevolent charity, he will praise those who delight in giving, and he will not be greedily attached to his possessions. One after the other, using his head, eyes, hands, feet, blood, flesh and torso, he will be able to distribute charity to all who come seeking it. How much more will he be able to distribute his other property?”

“Next, Manjushri, there may be sentient beings who have broken the precepts of moral purity (sila) even though they have accepted the various points of the teachings of the Tathagata. There may be those who, even if they have not broken the precepts, have broken the regulations of the Order. There may be those who, even though they have followed the precepts and rules in a manner which is not improper, have defamed right views. Also, there may be those who, even though they have not defamed right views, have abandoned the practice of studying. Thus, they fail to comprehend the profound principles of the sutras taught by the Buddha. There may be those who, though learned, have become conceited, and because their minds are clouded by conceit, the think they are right and all others are wrong. They come to detest and hate the genuine Teachings, becoming companions and associates of Mara. In this way, these stupid persons themselves practice heretical views. They repeatedly send vast millions of sentient beings plunging into the pitfalls of danger. These persons will sink to the Naraka hell realms, or to the paths of animal or ghostly rebirth, endlessly remaining in samsara.”

“If they should hear the name of this Master of Healing, the Lapis Lazuli Radiance Tathagata, it will cause them to abandon the negative practices and cultivate and practice the wholesome Teachings. They will not sink to the pits of woeful existence. But if there are some who are unable to reject negative practices, who are unable to cultivate and practice the wholesome Teachings, then they will [continue to] sink to the woe some paths. Due to the awesome force of the fundamental vows made by this Tathagata, such beings will be caused to arise from their present state to hear the Buddha’s name for a fleeting moment. Then following the end of that life, they will be reborn as humans. They will obtain correct views, and - making effort - they will control the desires of the mind.

Furthermore, they will be enabled to reject the path of the householder by taking refuge in the teachings of the homeless Tathagata. They will accept and hold to the points of the teachings and will have nothing to do with that which is offensive and breaks the precepts. Holding to correct views, they will become learned and understand the deep meanings of the sutras. Divorced from pride, they will cultivate and practice the various aspects of the Bodhisattva Path, and they will soon attain to that Path’s fulfillment.”

“Next, Manjushri, there may be sentient beings who are grudging and greedy, envious and jealous, who praise themselves while slandering others. These beings will sink to the three woes some paths. For limitless thousands of years they will suffer all sorts of miseries. When they have suffered these miseries, at the end of their lives they will be reborn into the world of men, as oxen or horses, camels or donkeys. Constantly whipped, annoyed and irritated by hunger and thirst, they will always be burdened with heavy loads on their backs as they follow the roads and thoroughfares.”

“If they obtain human rebirth, it will be as a menial in someone’s home, as a male or female servant who constantly receives orders to do manual labor for others. Such a one will never be free.”

“In the former life as a human, if such a one ever heard the name of the Lord Master of Healing, the Lapis Lazuli Radiance Tathagata, due to this good cause, he will be led to recollect it, and he will take refuge in the Buddha with utmost sincerity. By means of the Buddha’s spiritual power, he will be liberated from all his sufferings. He will gain perceptive and sharp senses; he will become insightful and learned. He will ever seek for the sublime teachings, constantly meeting wholesome (spiritual) friends. He will sever his ties to Mara for eternity, piercing through the veils of ignorance. The river of afflictions will dry up, and he will be liberated from the sorrows and sufferings of birth, old age, sickness, and death.”

“Next, Manjushri, if there are any sentient beings who take delight in schisms, who quarrel and cause irritations between themselves and others; and if by means of deeds, words and thoughts they create, increase, and prolong all sorts of negative karma; if they constantly further matters which are not beneficial; if they plot revengeful injury; if they summon the spirits of the mountains, forests, and tomb mounds; if they kill living creatures in order to obtain their blood and flesh as sacrificial offerings to the yaksa and raksasa demons and others; if they write down the names of the cursed, make images of them, by means of evil sorcery curse and harm them, and practice evil magic to raise ghouls, thus putting an end to the life of the enemy and destroying his body - if any of these sentient beings hear the name of this Master of Healing, the Lapis Lazuli Radiance Tathagata, they will become unable to do injury by all those evil ways. In all turnings of their minds, there will arise thoughts of loving kindness. They will think of benefits for others, of peace and joy, and they will have no thoughts of torment or hate. Each will be delighted with whatever he receives, and he will be satisfied. These beings will not encroach upon or maltreat others, but will seek to benefit each other.”

“Next Manjushri, there may be some among the four classes of monks, nuns, laymen, and laywomen, among the good sons and daughters of pure faith, who are able to accept and maintain the eightfold vows, observing all the aspects of them for a year of three months. By means of these wholesome roots, they expect to be granted rebirth in the Realm of Utmost Joy of Amitayus Buddha in the western regions. However, though they have heard the genuine Teachings, they are not yet established in them. If they hear the name of the Master of Healing, the Lapis Lazuli Radiance Tathagata, then when they reach the end of their lives, eight great Bodhisattvas will ascend through space using their spiritual powers, and they will come to point out the route [to the Western Paradise). In that [Western] realm, they will be spontaneously reborn in multi-colored jeweled flowers.”

“If there are those who - even though they have been born in this celestial realm and ‘have established wholesome roots in their previous lives - still have not exhausted (their karma), because they have been born in this celestial realm they will never again be born into any of the woe some paths. When their stay in the celestial realm reaches its end, such a one will be reborn into the human world as a wheel turning king who will unite all within the four continents. Due to the sovereignty of his beneficial virtues, he will securely establish limitless hundreds of thousands of sentient beings in the way of the ten wholesome precepts.”

“Or, such a one will be born into a great family of czarinas, brahmins, or learned laymen, with abundant wealth, jewels, and granaries and storehouses filled to overflowing. His appearance will be extremely majestic, and he will have a complete array of retainers. He will be intelligent and wise, brave and strong, imposing and fierce like a great master of martial arts.”

“Or, even if such a one if born as a woman, if she hears the name of the Lord Master of Healing, the Lapis Lazuli Radiance Tathagata, and with utmost sincerity she accepts it and holds to it, then in subsequent lives this person will never again be born as a woman.”

“Then, Manjushri, when this Master of Healing, the Lapis Lazuli Radiance Tathagata attained enlightenment, due to the force of his fundamental vows he was able to observe all sentient beings. Some suffered from various diseases and were emaciated, feverish, jaundiced, and so on; others were in the thrall of noxious poisons of repugnant demons; further, others were (naturally) short-lived or were on the brink of untimely death. He soughs to cause all these diseases and suffering to be ended, and to fulfill all desires.”

“At that point, the Lord entered into the Samadhi named ‘Dispeller of the Afflictions of All Beings.’ Having entered this Samadhi, a great brilliant light shone from the urna between his eyebrows, and from its midst a great dharani resounded:

namo bhagavate baisajyaguru vaidurya prabharaja tathagataya arhate samyaksambuddhaya tadyatha; om baisajya baisajya radza samudgate svaha

“Then after this dharani was uttered, from the midst of this light, there was a great rumbling and shaking of the earth and a great radiance shone forth. Illness and miseries were removed from all beings, and the all become peaceful and joyous.”

“Oh Manjushri, if there is a good son or daughter who is ill, for the sake of that person you should wholeheartedly constantly clean and bathe him. You should provide for him food, medicine, and water from which all insects have been strained, having recited the dharani over it 108 times. Upon swallowing these substances, all the sufferings of disease will be dispelled. If this person seeks something, with utmost sincerity he should think of the dharani and recite it. In this way, he will obtain all that he seeks, be free of illnesses, and have a long life. At the end of his life, this person will be reborn into the realm of the Buddha (of Healing). He will achieve the non-regressing state and reach enlightenment.”

“This is why, Manjushri, good sons and daughters should, with utmost sincerity, diligently revere and worship that Master of Healing, the Lapis Lazuli Radiance Tathagata, and they should ever hold this dharani, never allowing it to be lost.”

[straykats]

this or that:

cats or dogs?

winter or summer?

school or work?

pen or pencil?

dirt or sand?

movies or tv shows?

ice cream or froyo?

would you rather:

be blind or deaf?

have no legs or no arms?

live your current age forever or live a different age forever?

talk to your past self about something or see what someone elses point of view was on something in the past?

only know one language fluently or know 50+ languages but only at a beginners level?

+ random questions

what apocalypse/zombie apocalypse based movie/tv show do you think you could survive in? (examples: the maze runner, walking dead, black summer, z nation, the 100, attack on titan, etc.)

if you could make one fictional character someone real in your life who would you choose? (could be from a cartoon, tv show, movie, book, etc and if their being portrayed by a real person this is with the assumption that theyll both exist but be two completely different people who very strangely look EXACTLY alike lol)

once again, under the cut for length!! gonna ramble a bit too for each i am so sorry but tyvm

cats > dogs!!!!!!! i do love both but aHHHHHH ive accepted that i am a cat person. its weird but i used to feel pressured into saying im a dog person bc everyone i knew had a dog? and i never really had any contact w cats either so that explains a lil bit but !! KJADVKJDNVJKDNVKJ i want a cat so bad and theres a cat cafe in my city but its a bit car for me rip but im really eager to go at least once!! but cats are scary when u hold them bc they're so.. small.. inside.. like.. their skeleton.. so small... im so scared like they feel so fragile and i know they're capable but still

winter > summer !! i love the rain and i dont love the cold but i hate the heat (esp australian summers) so !!!! like eyah winter sucks when you bave plans but as someone who rarely has plans i am Okay With That. summer is wHACK because you can be in short sleeves and you'll still be so uncomfy like tmi maybe but yknow when u're in shorts or smth and u sit on a chair for too long and u stand up and its like peeling a sticker off tupperwear without the ripping bit??? yeah bruh summer aint it for me

school > work...? maybe? i'm unemployed (im looking but most places are like !!! experience needed !!!! babes im asking u for experience) so idk but i do enjoy learning (without the assessments etc) so??? but work doesnt seem too bad... if you're allowing a "neither" answer, i shall choose that.

pen < pencil. i think. pencils flow smoother? i use pen more because its clearer/easier to see and bc habit and also people dont accept pencil for documents and assignments so yknow. but writing with pencil is more satisfying for me.

dirt or sand? babes (wait i've called u babes a few times im sorry if youre uncomfy w that! if u want, lmk and i'll change it) what is this question i have never ever EVER encountered this question before. but.. i think... sand... i'm thinking of dirt as soil and sand combined so.. just sand..

movies or tv shows? OH MANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN uh. depends? somethings are better as a movie and some are tv shows. i think i have more comfort/favourite tv shows as movies so maybe tv shows.. although i /am/ categorising anime and kdramas into tv shows.

ice cream > froyo. i havent had much froyo tbh but from the few times i have, i think i pref. ice cream..

would you rather:

be blind or deaf? blind. i enjoy listening to and find comfort in music way too much. I can also play instruments by ear and learn to adapt to not having sight so! i've grown up surrounded by music too much for me to not be able to have it in my life.

have no legs or no arms? no legs, i think.

live your current age forever or live a different age forever? different age lmaoooo but also i', saying this assuming that living my age forever or living a different age forever comes with the struggles of that age? i'm 19 rn and unemployed and have a few personal things going on and the expectations that are on me are a bit uhhh bc i can't exactly meet all of them so if i had to stay this age with my current experiences, i would rather a different age, one where everything is a bit more organised? but if i can stay 19 forever but still change my circumstances as time progresses then idm that.. so depends on what being a certain age forever means, if that makes sense.

talk to your past self about something or see what someone elses point of view was on something in the past?

only know one language fluently or know 50+ languages but only at a beginners level?

aw man im bilingual and i consider myself pretty fluent in both my languages (eng and viet), but viet im more fluent speaking than reading/writing? if i only knew english fluently (thus not being fluent in viet) i would be really disconnected because speaking viet is such a big part of who i am and my everyday life so its ahhhh... but 50 languages on a basic level...? how basic are we talking..? like conversational basic or like only knowing a few phrases? hm.

+ random questions

what apocalypse/zombie apocalypse based movie/tv show do you think you could survive in? (examples: the maze runner, walking dead, black summer, z nation, the 100, attack on titan, etc.) //// the maze runner maybe but only if we're including the first book/movie and i dont need to go into the maze LMAOOOO i aint got that ya protagonist energy in me. attack on titan... i'm not up to date so i've no idea whats going on in the recent season, but i don't think i could do that. the knowledge of titans on the other side of the wall would make me go bonkers HHAAHA. uhhh i can't think of any other apocalypse mvies/shows etc off the top of my head that i've watched/read so between tmr and aot, i would choose tmr, because at least then i wouldn't be aware of the outside world and i would believe being inside is all i have yknow? like even in aot if i believed that, the titans are too scary. im not saying those spider things in tmr arent scary but idk i'd jsut rather that AHAHA

if you could make one fictional character someone real in your life who would you choose? (could be from a cartoon, tv show, movie, book, etc and if their being portrayed by a real person this is with the assumption that theyll both exist but be two completely different people who very strangely look EXACTLY alike lol) // omg no stop i've like. this question always stresses me out wdym just one i have too many comfort characters ahfbhdbavkdhva BUT alec lightwood! ... as he is portrayed in the book, but with the appearance of matthew daddario. i just.. yeah. alec :(

ty for sending in these questions!!! i enjoyed going through them very much!!

[uh-velkommen]

Favorite lyrics from every Fall Out Boy album~

Pre-Hiatus: This is gonna be a long one

Take This To Your Grave:

Tell That Mick He Just Made My List of Things to Do Today

“To my favorite scar, I could have died with you”

Dead on Arrival

“But the songs you grow to like never stick at first“

Grand Theft Autumn/Where Is Your Boy?

“In the meantime I'll sport my brand new fashion of waking up with pants on at four in the afternoon”

Homesick At Space Camp

“Somehow it was like you were the first to listen to everything we said”

Chicago Is So Two Years Ago

“'Cause every pane of glass that your pebbles tap negates the pains I went through to avoid you”

The Pros and Cons of Breathing

 “I wish that I was as invisible as you make me feel”

Reinventing The Wheel to Run Myself Over

“I can't wake up to these reminders of who I am: A failure at everything, 18 going on extinct.”

From Under The Cork Tree:

Our Lawyer Made Us Change The Name Of This Song So We Wouldn't Get Sued

“It's just past 8 and I'm feeling young and reckless, the ribbon on my wrist says, Do not open before Christmas"

Sugar, We’re Going Down

“I'm watching you two from the closet, wishing to be the friction in your jeans”

Nobody Puts Baby in a Corner

“So wear me like a locket around your throat. I'll weigh you down, I'll watch you choke. You look so good in blue” 

I've Got A Dark Alley And A Bad Idea That Says You Should Shut Your Mouth

“And the record won't stop skipping and the lies just won't stop slipping”

7 Minutes in Heaven

“The only thing worse than not knowing is you thinking that I don't know”

Sophomore Slump or Comeback of the Year

“Ashamed of the way the songs and the words own the beating of our hearts”

I Slept With Someone In Fall Out Boy And All I Got Was This Stupid Song Written About Me

“And I am sorry my conscience called in sick again”

A Little Less Sixteen Candles, A Little More Touch Me

“I set my clocks early 'cause I know I'm always late”

Get Busy Living or Get Busy Dying

“Now talking's just a waste of breath and living's just a waste of death” (Yes, this counts)

The Music or The Misery

“To calm your nerves, I’m feeling for my clothes in the dark”

My Heart Is The Worst Kind Of Weapon

“Your remorse hasn't fallen on deaf ears, rather ones that just don't care”

Infinity on High:

The Take Over, The Break’s Over

“Wouldn't you rather be a widow than a divorcee?”

This Ain’t a Scene, It’s an Arms Race

“This bandwagon’s full, please catch another”

I'm Like A Lawyer With The Way I'm Always Trying To Get You Off

“I only keep myself this sick in the head cause I know how the words get you”

Hum Hallelujah 

“I thought I loved you, it was just how you looked in the light”

Golden

“And I knew that the lights of the city were too heavy for me”

Thnks Fr Th Mmrs

“And I want these words to make things right but it's the wrongs that make the words come to life”

Don’t You Know Who I Think I Am?

“A penny for your thoughts but a dollar for your insides”

The Carpal Tunnel of Love

“You'll put your eyes to the sun and say, I know you're only blinding to keep back what the clouds are hiding"

Bang The Doldrums

“The tombstones were waiting, they were half-engraved. They knew it was over, just didn't know the date”

Fame < Infamy

“I am God's gift but why would he bless me with such wit without a conscience equipped”

I’ve Got All This Ringing in My Ears And None on My Fingers

“The truth hurts worse than anything I could bring myself to do to you”

G.I.N.A.S.F.S.

“I've traced your shadows on the wall now I kiss them whenever I'm down“

It’s Hard to Say “I Do” When I Don’t

“When I said that I'd return to you I meant more like a relapse”

Pavlove

“I want to make you as lonely as me, so you can get- get addicted to this“

From Now On We’re Enemies

“I only want what I can’t have”

Folie à Deux:

Disloyal Order Of Water Buffaloes

“And perfect boys with their perfect lives, nobody wants to hear you sing about tragedy “

I Don’t Care

“Let the guitar scream like a fascist”

She’s My Winona

“They always bring up how you've changed. Never the same person when I go to sleep as when I wake up”

Headfirst Slide Into Cooperstown on a Bad Bet

“I don't just want to be a footnote in someone else's happiness”

The (Shipped) Gold Standard

“You can only blame your problems on the world for so long before it all becomes the same old song“

(Coffee’s For Closers)

“I will never believe in anything again, though change will come, oh change will come”

27

“My mind is a safe and if I keep it then we all get rich”

w.a.m.s.

“When all the others were just stirring awake, I'm trying to trick myself to fall asleep again”

20 Dollar Nose Bleed

“Came back with flags on coffins and said, We won oh we won”

West Coast Smoker

“Don't feel bad for the suicidal cats, gotta kill themselves nine times before they get it right”

Post Hiatus->

[paintmearainbow]

What Is Love ?

Love.

Love means different things to different people. Some people say love is making your partner happy and seeing them happy makes you happy . But love, is actually a figment of our imaginations. In a way, love is selfish and makes us lose our independence. You make the other person happy to keep yourself happy, and you become dependent and vulnerable. It's a somewhat like a shared dream. And until one person decides to wakeup, and that dream, albeit fun while it lasted, becomes a living nightmare

1 YEAR AGO

For Harry and y/n; sneaking out of premiers and award shows,buying tacos and eating them at 3 AM was love. For them, love was dancing in the kitchen to Elvis and baking with each other. Love was watching horror movies in makeshift tents, snacking on caramel popcorns and cans of soda; all while making fun of Harry's "those dumb bitches" in the movie. Love was falling asleep in each others arms and reading each other books. It was dressing up as Disney characters and acting out scenes from their favourite animations. It was etheral, perfect. Almost too perfect too be true

People always said "Love will fizzle out. One of you will get bored." Harry and y/n didn't listen. They burned so fast, so bright and didn't realise that their spark too, like all blazed and sparks from lighted matches, had extinguished. One second it was burning so brightly, and the next, it was gone

..............................................................................................

"When was the last time you spoke to him ?" asked y/n's sister.

" A week ago" a distraught y/n replied. "He barely has time to even talk to me on the phone, let alone show me the sights and explore the places with him via facetime"

For a brief moment, she allowed herself to close her eyes and all the memories flashed through her eyes, like a movie roll, playing over and over agai

FLASHBACK

"Y/N !" exclaimed Harry, the golden flecks in his eyes dancing with joy. Oh how she longed to see him, feel him and be with him in real life , rather than on a screen. Yet she was eternally grateful for Harry for never making her feel left out from the tour experience, he always made sure to show her around, even if it was only on a screen, while giving tour guide commentary in a horribly fake American accent.

"You're in for a treat ! We're going to see the Louvre today. Come on an enjoy the sited with Harry's Tour Experiences"

Y/n couldn't stop laughing.

Being an art fanatic, she giving Harry detailed descriptions of the art, while all he did was turn it inti a joke. His put on accent stood out when he kept saying " Oh shucks ! Here's another painting of a few women and men fighting and eating." He termed an entire style of art; renaissance art as "men and women barely dressed fighting and eating". He made a few sly comments on how y/n would look lovely in that dress. It was so wonderful and each of these virtual trips was marked with his signature end. Going to a park, and eating the same food.

His laughter was contagious and y/n loved it. She wondered how she got so lucky, so blessed to have hazza in her life.

She never thought that this love, would eventually fizzle.

end of flashback

Now she was lucky if he spoke to her for 5 minutes. Even those 5 minutes were filled with her talking and him showing least interest in what she had to say. She doubted whether he even listened.

Today, however was a low blow. It was y/n' bday. had it been any other year. Harry would've made this day perfect. They had been together since they were 18. The first year, he bought her 18 gifts on her birthday. The subsequent year, he got her 19 and so on. He would make her breakfast in bed and wake her up with showers of kisses and a "Good Morning, Happy Birthday Darling."

Today however, at 7 PM , she was yet to have him acknowledge that it was her birthday. She was yet to have any sign of news from him at all. She illusioned herself, thinking that maybe he had interviews to attend.

Her sister, however, tired with y/n's moping, said" You're coming over with your friends to Club 22 this night or else I wont speak to you. I don't want you to spend your birthday moping around"

With great difficulty, y/n was persuaded by her friends to go clubbing. The loud music, the drinks and the dim lights were never y/n's scene. Yet, for the sake of her friends, she fixed up a smile on her face and tried to enjoy, trying her best to forget than Harry's call still hadn't come.

.......

It was 10 PM and the party was in full swing. y/n's friends were drunk, so drunk. Everyone around her was laughing, drinking and joking. Meanwhile, a new disturbing thought had settled in y/n's head. What if he got into and accident ? What if he's really sick ? She was ridden with anxiety and couldn't get Harry off her mind, until that one fateful message from Nezza, her best friend, Harry's PA, through whom they had met, sent her that message. When y/n's phone lit up and she scarmbled to see the text, hoping it was Harry, she did not know it would change her life permanently.

The text was simple. "I'm so so sorry honey; you deserve to know" It was attached with a single file of pictures.

She subconciously knew what had happened. She had seen all the signs, yet chose to ignore them, not wanting to get up from her dream. The reduced duration of phone calls ultimately leading up to a call a month, the regular excuses, coming home late, half hearted kisses, they all added up. For a split second, y/n wanted to think that it was something else; maybe harry was too drunk or had passed out in a bar.

The message to forever to download. It was so slow and painfully excruciating. It was like the calm before the storm. The slow before the fast. The light drizzle before the thunderstorm. When the picture finally loaded; her heart shattered ever so fast. The pain she felt was numbing, yet somewhere in her mind, she was gald that Harry was safe.

There was Harry, his arm around the small waist of the redhead, his fingers entwined in hers. The same fingers which ran through y/n's hair multiple times, were now woven in another's hand. She thought her heart couldnt break more.

Fate was not kind to y/n.

She swiped to see the next picture, and she wasn't sure how, or whether it was even possible, but her heart further broke. Harry was kissing her in the booth, their booth, in Alessandro's the place he had her first date with y/n.

Fate had evil plans for y/n.

Tears streaming down her face, the makeup for the night ruined, y/n looked around for her sister and friends but they were nowhere to be seen. The only thing glowing right now was her glitzy dress, the one she had been forced into. Unable to take it anymore, she ordered an uber and left.

Fate wasn't kind to y/n at all

The minute she left the club, she was blinded with lights, the flashes from the camera, and the shouts from the reporters

" How do you feel about Harry cheating on you on tour ?"

"Did you expect this ? How do you react to Harry kissing a supermodel, younger than you!"

Y/n wanted to scream, but keeping her emotions in she pushed through the sea of people, got into her uber, gave her address and broke down.

She cried and cried. The uber driver tried to ask her what was wrong but she couldn't stop crying. she wanted the pain to go away. she wanted to cry. But most of all, she wanted Harry to tell her that it wasn't true and hold her in his arms and tell her it's alright.

But it wasn't. it wasn't alright. Far from it.

The next morning after an extremly broken sleep, y/n awoke. All the event's from last night wre remembered and her eyes started to water again. She switched on her phone to see the hashtag #y/ndeservesbetter and #harryandy/nareover trending. She also so 100 missed calls, voicemails and texts from Harry but chose to ignore them.

Y/n was raised to be strong. She spent most of childhood see her mom struggle to make meets end. She had seen the worst. She was strong. She went over to the mirror and saw her reflection and realised that she looked a mess. She took 3 deep breaths, washed her face, and masked her emotions, just as she did way back in high school, before she met Harry, before he changed her.

She went down and suddenly the apartment door opened. There stood the man who she loved, the man who had broken her heart, the one who still held her heart, no matter how broken it was.

He pleaded with her to forgive him. He begged, cried, said it was a one time mistake, and he regretted it, that he loved her; but y/n turned a deaf ear to his pleas. Their love had fizzled out, and she was blinded by affection not to realise it earlier. And as the saying goes " Once a cheater, always a cheater." Y/n wasn't taking any more risks. She put on a strong facade, made up her mind and left, leaving a crying Harry on the porch.

She wasn't over him, far from it. She was so broken, yet showed no signs. She had calm expresssion, yet her thoughts were chaotic. But she knew what was best and she knew this was the right thing to do. She had to take the lessons from this experience and move on, just like her mother had taught her. Dreams end, no matter how amazing it is, no matter how much you want to hold on and live it, and this, her perfect dream, had also come to an end.

So, what is love ?

A dream ? A nightmare ? Soemthing too good to be true?

Maybe all it is, is an illusion. A fairytale. Or maybe it is the truth, because truth teaches us lessons and so does love. i guess it's one of those things which just has no answers.

author's note

AND THATS A WRAP. I DO NOT CONDONE CHEATING. it's something which definitely shouldnt be forgive . this the first ever imagine I've posted on my new tumblr. Please send feedback. Hope you enjoyed it. Reblog. What are your thoughts? i would love to hear them. Send requests for more imagines.

i should be studying but eh.

keep dreaming

ashu.

(here's a random B99 gif for no reason)

[thehollowprince]

Penny Dreadful: City of Angels

Episode 1: Santa Muerte - Recap and Review

SPOILER WARNINGS ARE IN EFFECT BELOW THE CUT

The episode opens with a Mexican standoff (ba dum tsh) between Santa Muerte (Lorenza Izzo) and her “sister” Magda (Natalie Dormer), who seriously has to be roasting under the Southern California sun in that black leather outfit.  (Sidenote, how does a Mexican folk spirit/deity have a British woman as a sister?  Guess she was adopted.)  Anyway, Magda is monologuing, as villains tend to do, saying “All mankind needs to become the monster he truly is, is being told he can.”  They go back and forth for a minute, and I was eerily reminded of the movie Constantine that came out many moons ago.  Y’know the one, right?  Loosely (and I mean loosely) based on the comic character?  Played by Keanu Reeves?  That was the vibe I go here, with Santa Muerte and Magda making some kind of bet about the “worthiness” of mankind.  (I also got strong jealous ex vibes from Magda in this scene, but we’ll see how that goes).

So we start the action by showing a field of Mexican-American laborers working the fields with a little boy sitting on the truck, picking the music they listen to.  His father jokes about his choice of music before getting back to work.  Now I’ll be the first to admit that everything that played out next was just this side of tone deaf.  I understand that Magda is the villain here, and wants to see humanity burn, but having a white woman set fire to a field full of brown people, resulting in several deaths kind of defeats the message they’re trying to send with this show, but I will suspend my disbelief for a little while to see how all of this plays out.

All in all, it was a beautiful shot, as gruesome as it was, with the flames, and then seeing Santa Muerte cradling the boy’s father as he died in the flames all while La Llorona played in the background.  The boy tries to save his father, but Santa Muerte uses the Force to push him away, despite not even two minutes earlier claiming she “had no heart for the living”.  Must be something special about this boy.

Cut to 1938 and the boy is all grown up.  Tiago Vega (Daniel Zovatto) just passed his exam to become a detective, the first Chicano detective in Los Angeles.  His Mamá (Adrianna Barraza) prepared him a cake to celebrate the occasion, and we get to meet the rest of La Familia Vega.  First there’s Mateo (Johnathan Nieves), who is seriously adorable.  Next is Josefina (Jessica Garza), who is the baby of the family.  And then finally we get the big brother, Raul (Adam Rodriguez), who “mysteriously” isn’t a part of the main cast.

Anyway, Raul is not happy about his baby brother being a detective, given the Mexican and Mexican-American relations with law enforcement, which... valid.  He has a point.  But Mamá quickly shuts Raul down when he tries to be a Negative Nancy and they celebrate as a family.  Cut to later, and Mamá is walking Tiago to the bus, and they remark about the construction equipment at the end of the street.  Here we’re introduced to the main conflict of the story.  Their neighborhood is set to be demolished to make way for construction for the Arroyo Seco Parkway, the first of the LA freeways.  Mamá remarks about the machines, likening them to animals baring their teeth at her, before Tiago gets on the bus to go to his apartment, because he’s the only member of the family to move away from home.

By the way, I will never complain about the size of my apartment again after seeing how tiny Tiago’s is.

Cut to the next morning, where the phone rings, waking Tiago up, and it’s his new partner on the phone.  Congratulations!  You get to start two days early with no prep time.  Said partner, Detective Lewis Michener, is played by Nathan Lane like you’ve never seen him before.  And as an aside, just hearing him drop the F-bomb made my day.  The reason they’re starting early is because their was a homicide, and the captain himself called them specifically.  The murder is a family of four, dropped in the Los Angeles river bed, their faces painted in Dia De Muertos makeup.  Also, there’s a message scrawled nearby in blood (or red paint)

TE LLEVAS NEUSTRO CORAZON TOMAMOS EL TUYO 

“You take our heart, we take yours.”  If you haven’t guessed it by now, the hearts of the four victims had been removed.  This all ties back to the Arroyo Seco Parkway and how it’s planned to cut through the heart of the Chicano community.  Michener makes the connection as to why they were called, “It’s a spick thing.”  (Fair warning, that kind of language, while not super common in this show, isn’t exactly uncommon.)

Elsewhere, Mamá is getting off the bus in a fancy part of town, because she’s a maid to Peter Craft (alum Rory Kinnear), who is a German immigrant with two sons and a wife that looks a little strung out.  This scene is pretty filler, but it establishes the dynamic of Craft’s household, with him talking to Mamá before his own wife.  He leaves for work, listening to tape recordings in his car as a way to practice on getting rid of his accent to blend in and “be more American”  It was kind of adorable.

Back at the police precinct, Tiago got blood on his cuff from the crime scene and MIchener tells him to just throw the shirt out.  Que the racist cops who harass Tiago, because the audience needs to understand just how unwelcome a Chicano detective is among his all white peers.  The two visit their captain and discover that their four victims are a wealthy family from Beverly Hills, which judging by everyone’s reactions in the scene is a pretty big deal for some reason.  There was a horrible moment where the captain says “You have no idea how much I wished those bodies were Mexican” before he realizes who is in the room and adds a halfhearted “No Offense.”  I have to say, Tiago has way more patience than I do for shrugging it off.  The captain decides that it’s obviously Mexicans behind the murders and Michener suggests pachucos. 

Now we’re back with Craft, who is a pediatrician, and his current patient is the son of... Natalie Dormer... but now she’s blonde?  Elsa is concerned about her son Frank’s breathing problems and talks with the doctor privately about it, revealing that she’s also a German immigrant, originally from Berlin, “but now we’re in Boyle Heights, with the Jews” (seriously not a fan of how she said that, which I’m guessing is the point, but only time will tell).  There’s a moment between the two, with him offering her his handkerchief when she starts crying.  

After she leaves, we get one of the most disturbing scenes I’ve ever seen.  It takes a lot to unnerve me, but this scene unnerved me.  If you’re going into this show blind, let this be the moment when you find out that all the characters played by Natalie Dormer are all Magda, who shapeshifts into other people to further influence the negative emotions of those around her, bringing out the worst in humanity.  Well, “Elsa” enters the elevator with her “son” and unbuttons her blouse before placing his head against her stomach.  She absorbs him back into herself like some sort of weird reverse-birth, taking him “back to the womb” as it were.  It wasn’t overly graphic, but it unnerved me nonetheless. 

Back at the doctor’s office, one of his nurses asks what he wants for lunch and he says he’ll be going out.  He walks over to his closet and opens it, revealing a Nazi flag and uniform.  Abort!  

Abort!

At the city hall there is a meeting of the City Council, or some division of it involving transportation.  Its a meeting to discuss the Arroyo Seco Parkway, with almost everyone in attendance being Mexican, led, of course, by Tiago’s older brother Raul.  Gotta have that brother-against-brother angle.  The guy leading the meeting is some douchebag named Townsend (Michael Gladis).There’s a standoff between him and Raul over this parkway, with Townsend telling them to “go back where they came from”, which Raul responds rather cheekily to the fact that he was born in the Los Angeles County Hospital, same as him.

Raul: “When progress becomes barbarity, it ceases to be in the public interest.  We are the public, sir, no matter the color of our skin, and we will not be moved.”

Townsend: “Then you will be pushed.”

Naturally from there it ends in police brutality, with the cops on scene beating Raul with their clubs as they drag him from the city hall, despite it being open to the public.  And people wonder why no one likes the police? Although, I do love the fact that they made Raul so well-spoken.  Given how they’re presented as poorer, it would have been so easy to fall back on that illiterate Mexican trope, but they shied away from that, and I’m grateful.

After the meeting, Townsend is walking down the hall with Natalie Dormer by his side, this time as a gray-haired, middle-aged woman?  Man?  It’s unclear at first, until we get a wide shot and we see that she’s wearing a skirt with her masculine suit and tie combo, so definitely a woman.  Personally, I would have been okay if this persona - Alex - had been a man, but that’s just me.  Anyway, Alex is just feeding this blowhard’s ego, and he equates himself to Mussolini, and then Hitler (ABORT!).  The topic turns to more motorways, stuff to keep Townsend in the papers for some unknown purpose.

And we’re back to the Michener and Vega hour, where the two detectives are enjoying their lunch break when we hear drums and look up to see Nazis - I’m sorry, the German-American Bund - walking down the street in full regalia with Craft at their head.  Craft gives a big speech about staying out of foreign affairs (it’s 1938 and WWII is just about to start), saying “America First”.  Michener is giving them the stink eye and it’s at this point I remembered that he’s Jewish, so odds are he knows full well what the ideology behind the Nazi Party, even if their worst crimes are still ahead of them.

Michener insists they go, with the two heading over to Beverly Hills to investigate the home of the murder victims.  Inside there’s a portrait of who I thought was Joseph Smith above the fireplace, which I guess means these people were Mormons.  The radio, when turned on, is playing some Radio Evangelist (this is before Televangelism became a thing), and I think the woman preaching is the last member of our cast, Sister Molly (Kerry Bishé).  The two investigate the house and determine that the family wasn’t murdered there, though they do discover that the father was one of the guys behind the Arroyo Seco Parkway.

The plot thickens.

Cut to a shadowy meeting at the bluffs between Townsend and Baron von Strucker from the MCU.  Ugh, more Nazis.  The new Nazi talks to Townsend about getting him the position of Mayor of Los Angeles, to further their own agenda, and warns him that his driver is a Gestapo agent and has been told to shoot Townsend if the meeting does not go their way.

Later that night, we’re in downtown L.A., presumably in a Mexican-American neighborhood where Mateo works.  There’s some hanky panky going on in the store where he’s stocking shelves where some random dude and his sister, Josefina, are getting to second base.  Mateo puts the kibosh on that quickly, chasing the boy from the store while shouting obscenities, before arguing with this sister, until Mamá shows up and sets them both straight.  There’s a poignant moment between mother and son where he remarks about how as a Chicano, his options for the future are limited, that Tiago was the exception, not the rule.

Speaking of Tiago, he shows up to ask about Santa Muerte and if his mother had heard anything about something going on, as he recognized the face paint on the murder victims.  It’s revealed that he doesn’t believe in Santa Muerte, though his mother does and remarks about him being “marked”, revealing that he was the little boy from the beginning.  We all know that something bigger is going on, but Tiago is unconvinced, and this is the one time we see him and Mamá butt heads.  There’s a moment where the two calm down before we get a really cute scene of Tiago dancing with his mother.

That moment slides into a moment between Los Hermanos Vega, which starts nicely but ends up tense and serious, as they talk about the construction of the parkway to begin on Monday, which requires Tiago to be with the police but his brothers will be with the neighborhood.  I think they’re taking this brother-against-brother thing a little far.

Mamá is praying to Santa Muerte, begging for help, and Santa Muerte actually shows up, calling Mamá “Old Coyote” (I think).  The two argue, with the former mentioning a prophecy and the Vega matriarch begging for any kind of help because she wants to protect her children.  After Santa Muerte leaves, Mamá goes to Tiago’s apartment and implores him to try and stop the protest the next day, before chugging his whiskey.

As the episode started, that’s how we end it, with a Mexican standoff, this time between the police and the residents of Belvidere Heights.  Tiago hands his gun to Michener and tries to talk down his neighborhood, to avoid bloodshed, facing off directly with his brothers who are at the front of the opposing crowd, but unbeknownst to all of them, Magda is there (in her “true” form) pacing in front of the police.  She finds one officer and we see her whispering in his ear, which leads to him firing his gun, killing one of the protesters.  Gunfire erupts and chaos ensues, leading to a full blown riot.  Magda ends up whispering to Raul next and he takes a gun and starts shooting police officers, eventually aiming his gun at Michener.  In a heartbreaking moment, Tiago shoots his own brother to stop him from killing his partner, all while La Llorona is once again playing in the background.

All in all, I’d give the episode an 8/10.  It was a great start, introducing most of the key players involved and getting the conflict started right away, but there are still a lot of questions.  Also, there were too many Nazis in this for my liking.  I understand the point they’re trying to make, being a parallel to today, with Nazis being everywhere and no one batting an eye about it, but it’s still unsettling.

Can’t wait to see how this all turns out.

[coll2mitts]

#88 Tommy (1975)

The Who’s well-loved 1969 rock opera album Tommy has been adapted for the screen, and is almost the furthest thing from a feel-good picture that you can get.  Who knew that the sound of childhood trauma could be so goddamn catchy?

When I was a young girl, my father would play the album Tommy, he really liked the band.  Tommy was one of those albums I played on repeat when I was elementary school-aged.  My dad had copied the album to a cassette, and me and my yellow Walkman would head to the bus stop every morning blasting “The Acid Queen”.  I’ve mentioned before I was an obnoxious kid, and one memory that has unfortunately stuck with me for like 25 years is this guy on the bus asking my sister to tell me to stop singing out loud to “Pinball Wizard” because it was annoying.  I sunk into my seat as if he had punched me straight in the gut.

Being young, my understanding of the plot was pretty basic, and oh boy, the movie translation of this was um... I was not prepared for the ride I had boarded.   Even as someone who is unbelievably familiar with the source material, this was a rough watch.

Tommy begins during World War 2, and England is getting bombed by Nazis.  Tommy’s mom and dad are on their honeymoon, and when they return, Tommy’s father is sent off to war and is presumably killed in action.  Tommy is born on V.E. Day and never knows his biological father.  His mother (Ann-Margret) hooks up with a dude she met on vacation, Uncle Frank, and when Tommy’s father returns unannounced 6 years later, her lover kills him by hitting him with a lamp.  Dude lived through a plane crash, and its the bedside lamp that finally gets him.  Tommy witnesses the murder, and Uncle Frank and his mom plead with him not to tell anybody.  The trauma of this event triggers psychosomatic deafness and blindness in Tommy.  His parents are understandably concerned about him, even though they are the whole reason this happened in the first place.

His mom is weirdly fixated with his salvation, and takes Tommy to church to see if a supremely uncharismatic Eric Clapton and statue of Marilyn Monroe can heal him.  The congregation, in a very classy move that is not at all disparaging to Marilyn Monroe’s legacy, downs alcohol and prescription medication as communion.  The healing goes about as well as expected.

After this, his Uncle Frank takes Tommy to a prostitute, who drugs and presumably rapes him, thinking it might snap him out of it.  When that doesn’t work, his parents then leave him with one babysitter that beats and tortures him, and another that sexually molests him, so... fun times.  My notes perfectly illustrate how glad I was to watch this series of events unfold.

Realizing Tommy can entertain himself just by looking in a mirror, his parents get loaded on the couch, leaving him alone to wander out of the house.  He stumbles upon a pinball machine in a junkyard.  His parents discover he’s really fucking good at it, and introduce him into the very financially lucrative world of pinball competitions.

My favorite scene in this movie is watching Elton John play a keyboard attached to a pinball machine while wearing the largest shoes I’ve ever seen on a human.  They hinder his movement so much he can only point with his left arm over and over again to show his enthusiasm.  When Tommy wins the Pinball championship, a pack of Waldos haul away Elton’s defeated body.

Now that Tommy’s family is rolling in dough, his parents buy a mansion and a yacht, and Ann-Margret tries to bury her guilt surrounding Tommy’s condition through retail therapy, and literally smothering her grief with chocolate pudding.

I swear to god, Ann-Margret is the only person who actually knew what kind of movie she was filming.  She’s crazed, dramatic, and her voice is so fucking awesome (unlike some of the other actors they cast...).  Still, the disservice of making her swim in a sea of baked beans... which, FUN FACT: sent her into the ER because part of the broken champagne bottle rocketed out of the television when they were pelting bubbles at her and cut her hand large enough that she needed 27 stitches to close it.  She came back to film the next day because she is a fucking queen.

Tommy’s parents take him to Jack Nicholson putting on an haughty accent to see if he can fix Tommy, and all he succeeds in doing is putting the moves on Ann-Margret.  She takes Tommy back to the house and dances him into the mirror, which sets him free to swim and run shirtless across the country without shoes on.

It’s around this point of the movie that I realize Ann-Margret and I have *a thing* for young Roger Daltrey, and I don’t know what to do with this knowledge.

Seriously, she’s only like 3 years older than him and she’s supposed to be playing his mother.  The film industry is so fucked up.

Tommy tells his mother than she needs to relinquish all her material possessions, baptizes her in the ocean, and forms his own pinball-based religion.  His followers treat him like a messiah, looking for him to provide the path to salvation.  He invites them onto his compound, puts his child molester Uncle Ernie in charge of a bunch of children, and Uncle Frank in charge of recruitment and merchandising. 

His campers are fairly pissed they’re being milked for every dime they have, but Tommy is all, “I haven’t handed out my syllabus yet, wait until you hear what the curriculum is going to be!”  When they discover it’s about turning off all distractions and only playing pinball, his congregation are all like, “Fuck that!” and riot, murdering both of Tommy’s parents.  Now that his oppressors are dead, Tommy is truly free.  He runs through literal fire, jumps into a lake in jeans, and climbs a slippery waterfall AND a mountain in bare feet, making me wonder what kind of insurance they had on this picture that they allowed Roger Daltrey to do all of that and hang glide into a sea of bikers. The 1970s were an unencumbered time.

I watched several interviews with Peter Townshend to understand where the idea of this rock opera came about, and holy shit, this story is just based in his own traumatic childhood experiences.  From his perspective, after WW2, the people in England who had lived with the constant fear of sudden death internalized all of their associated trauma.  They had children they weren’t emotionally equip to parent, leaving them to be vulnerable to people who wanted to exploit them.

Tommy’s constant plea in the movie was to be seen and heard by those who were supposed to protect and care for him, only for them to be ignorant to the affect their negligence was having on him.  Tommy tries to save other broken people who need to feel safe, only for them to revolt, take the only family he’s ever known away from him, and abandon him.  This is an unbelievably depressing movie, and the fact it resonated with so many people, I just... I don’t know how to process that, because it’s heartbreaking.

So, yeah, this movie is weird as shit, but it does try to impart that people who are exposed to repeated stressful events will only hurt themselves and those around them if they try to repress those experiences.  I’m not sure the movie effectively communicated what The Who was trying to convey in the original album, however.  I think the message is overshadowed by the strong aesthetic.  

I suffered with intense anxiety as a child (still do, although I have mechanisms now as an adult to help manage it) and my parents didn’t know what the fuck to do with me.  I would say 90% of the time they’d treat my anxiety like I was personally trying to inconvenience them, and the other 10% they’d make fun of me for it.  So there I’d be, trying to hide my anxiety attacks and feeling like I was going to die (or if I was lucky, just vomit) because they’d get angry or tell me to suck it up if they knew what was going on.  I did not have a happy childhood.  I, like Tommy, just wanted them to understand me and show any amount of compassion.  However, watching this movie, I somehow did not find myself relating to his story at all.  I was too distracted by Marilyn Monroe-dressed nuns, a 2-story tall Elton John, child abuse and molestation played off as a joke, and Ann-Margret drowning in bean syrup that I completely missed the intention.  I also think 1970s religious movements had a tendency to be rather exploitative, and I have listened to far too many My Favorite Murders to not see Tommy’s fans and think, “You’re in a cult, call your dad.”  It’s hard to be automatically empathetic to the abused when they lead others to be victimized by their abusers.

I would 1000% recommend Tommy the album.  This movie is worth a watch if you like The Who, but even as someone who loves the original music, I’m probably not going to put it in my constant rotation.

That concludes rock band movie musical week!  The orchestra nerd inside of me is excited to move on to Carmen Jones next.

[bangtanstanst]

Clocking Out

When the end of yet another night shift draws to a close, pretty much the only thing that can keep you awake is Yoongi's company.

pairing: yoongi x reader

genre: fluff, college au (kind of)

warnings: some implied smut, light sleep deprivation fjkdlsdklj

word count: 2.5k

@qtxties requested: “Don’t you dare.” + “I’m not jealous.” with Namjoon or Yoongi.

a/n: hi guys, I hope you’re doing well♥ Finally finally finally, I have a yoongi fic for you again! It took a while but she hath arriveth fjksldsdjklf I hope you like it!! :)

requests | masterlist

With a sigh, you rest your chin in your hands, eyes fluttering closed. A shiver runs down your spine when you feel the perpetually cold air seep through your thin work blouse, though even that doesn’t help in keeping you awake anymore. Your eyes remain shut as you listen to the soft, cheerful music that’s playing inside the store, and you feel yourself slowly drifting away, imagining yourself in a warm bed, wrapped in a pair of warm arms, a blissful smile teasing over your lips as you slowly sink further into a slumber…

An involuntary snore escapes you and you immediately jolt upright, blinking forcefully and hitting your cheeks to wake yourself. You quickly look around the deserted convenience store to see there’s still no customers walking around, and you deflate once more, leaning your forearms on the counter.

Your eyes drift to the glass double doors, staring out into the empty streets. Small pools of rainwater litter the wet pavement, and they glint in the soft moonlight. You feel your eyes glaze over yet again as you keep your gaze there, a single car driving past and almost blinding you with its headlights. It makes a splashing sounds as it drives through a puddle on the road, and you watch as the rain spatters onto the pavement.

Suddenly, a gust of cold wind hits you and you realise someone has opened the door. You jump to attention, putting on your best service smile – and your back slumps once more when you see who it is.

“How’s my favourite cashier doing?” Yoongi greets you, closing the door behind him and putting his hands back into the pockets of his striped pyjama pants. His leather jacket is halfway open, revealing a black hoodie underneath, the straps very much uneven. His collar is askew, a white pyjama shirt peeking out.

You blink slowly, a lazy smile curling at your lips. “Counting down the minutes until I can go to sleep.”

He chuckles, sauntering over to the counter as he tugs at the wire of his earbuds to pull them out, slipping them into his pocket. “Told you you should’ve gotten some rest before.”

“Hey, I had a paper to hand in. It’s not my fault I was all hyped up on caffeine,” you shoot back, planting your elbows on the counter.

He simply raises an eyebrow at you, putting his own arms right in front of yours and leaning forward. “Is it not?” he inquires with a soft grin.

You narrow your eyes at him. “Is that why you’re here?” you reply instead of actually dignifying that question with an answer – you know you’ll lose that battle anyway. “To gloat about the fact that you did get sleep?” you add, reaching out to run a hand through his soft, messy hair.

He smiles and shrugs. “Just because I’m wearing pyjamas doesn’t mean I actually got sleep,” he mutters, leaning even closer and softly pressing his lips to yours. It feels like a breath of fresh air, one that momentarily makes you forget where you are or why you’re here in the first place, one that melts away your fatigue for just a little while. “The bed was so empty without you.”

You chase the kiss with another one when he pulls away, trying to suppress the giddy smile you feel tugging at your lips. “What, so you’re saying you didn’t get any sleep because I wasn’t there?” you say through a chuckle, leaning back as he straightens up as well. “When has that ever happened?”

He doesn’t make much of an effort to fight back his own smile. “Okay, so maybe I did sleep for a little bit,” he admits with a dramatic huff. “But wouldn’t it be romantic if what I said was true?”

You snort, straightening up the display of chocolate bars on the counter. “Oh, definitely,” you reply sarcastically, looking at him through your peripheral vision. “Probably one of the most romantic things I’ve ever heard.”

He narrows his eyes at you. “Hey, I say... more romantic things,” he defends, leaning on the counter once more.

“Really? To whom?” you return with a laugh, raising an eyebrow.

He huffs, lips curling down into a pout. “To youm,” he replies, making you chuckle once more. “But I guess it all fell on deaf ears, huh?”

“Never,” you whisper in reply, smiling as you lean in for another kiss. “I still remember the time you said you could stay in bed with me for a whole entire day and do nothing else,” you mutter, eyes fluttering closed as his lips brush yours. “Almost too romantic, to be honest.”

“Glad to be acknowledged,” he says in reply, a smile teasing over his lips just before he kisses you.

You let out a slow breath as you lean even closer, his fingers brushing your cheek. You feel like you could fall asleep here and now, in the comfort of Yoongi’s presence, his touch – admittedly, it’s not the warm bed you’ve been longing for, but you’ll take what you can get.

“Oh, dear god, please get a room!” someone shouts and your heart skips a beat as you jump apart, though you let out a relieved sigh when you see it’s just Alice – the saviour that will be taking over your shift.

“Such unprofessional behaviour is absolutely unacceptable,” she teases, mimicking the low voice of your manager as the door falls closed behind her.

“Well, I don’t work here, so...” Yoongi shoots back, grinning.

She heaves a mock-reluctant sigh as she walks over to the counter, headed towards the door to the back right behind you. “Okay, fine, I guess I’ll allow it just this once,” she says, pulling the door open. “Give me a minute to clock in and get ready, and then you can go home and hop on it, yeah, Y/N?”

When she adds a wink to her words, you snort in reply, burying your face in your hands and shaking your head while she slips into the back room.

“Okay, well, I guess I should start warming up, then,” Yoongi huffs, and you lift your head to see him stretching his arms up above his head and swaying from side to side.

You let out a laugh as you watch him bend over to reach for the floor, just barely brushing it with the tips of his fingers. “What are you doing?” you ask, turning to the cash register to log out of your account.

He straightens back up, grinning at you. “Getting ready for you to ‘hop on’,” he answers seriously, fixing up the hood of his sweater. “Piggybacking is serious business, babe.”

You snort yet again, shaking your head. “Right, because that’s definitely what she meant by that,” you remark, raising an eyebrow as he does two jumping jacks and then stretches again.

His grin only widens. “Oh, we can do the other thing too,” he returns, tilting his head. “I just thought you might wanna wait with that until we got home.”

With another laugh, you shake your head, hearing the door behind you open and close again. You turn to see Alice slip out of the back room with her laptop underneath her arm, crouching down to plug her charger into the wall.

“Alright, you two get the hell out of here so I can focus on homework,” Alice says with a glance over her shoulder, gesturing for you to get to the back so you can clock out.

“How unprofessional of you,” you tease as you walk over to the back, opening the door.

Alice finger guns at you. “We don’t get paid minimum wage for nothing,” she jokes, putting her laptop on the counter and turning around to log onto the register.

You laugh. “Good point,” you reply, slipping into the back room.

You weave between the stacks of boxes and boxes filled with inventory that the lucky day crew will have to shelf, quickly clocking out. Grabbing your bag and slipping into your coat, you soon get back into the store just as Yoongi laughs at a remark Alice made.

He looks up at you as you walk over to him. Taking your hand in his, he sends you a smile. “Ready?”

You nod, blinking slowly. Now that you’re officially off work, you’re finally starting to admit you indeed feel slightly delirious – and you’re more than ready to go home and spend the rest of your Saturday asleep.

“Aw, aren’t you two a pair,” Alice says with a grin, eyes fixed on her laptop. “Walking off to freedom together while leaving the poor sidekick behind to fend for herself.”

You just laugh. “I mean, if you’d rather be the first of us to walk off to freedom, I’d gladly switch shifts with you,” you tell her, sending her a lazy grin.

She lifts her eyes to look at you, narrowing them to slits. “You’re really too tired to be smart enough to trick me,” she tells you slowly, scoffing and shaking her head. “But I mean, I’m absolutely fine just getting a good night’s sleep. Plus, now I get to work on quantum mechanics at six in the morning while faking a smile for drunk customers crushing up their bag of Doritos before they even buy it!” she adds with an overly enthusiastic smile. “So, really, I’m more than happy where I am.”

“You know what? I’m not jealous,” you say through a laugh. “Good luck on that, I’m gonna go get some sleep, yeah?” you add, pointing at the door and taking a few steps towards it. Yoongi chuckles as he follows, your hand still slotted in his.

“Bye, now!” Alice says with a wave, and you give her the same goodbyes in return before pulling the door open and walking outside.

The air is cold and small drops of rain are still falling from the skies, but you gladly breathe in the fresh scent of freedom – yet another step closer to finally getting to sleep.

You turn back to the store for a moment to give Alice a last wave, chuckling when she pouts at you and slowly waves back. When you turn around and take a step forward, you have to jump back right away so as to not bump into Yoongi, who has come to a stop right in front of you, bent over to offer his back to you.

“Wait, you weren’t kidding?” you breathe out in disbelief.

He looks over his shoulder, nodding. “Of course I wasn’t,” he replies matter-of-factly. “I told you it was serious business. Now hop on,” he insists, patting his back.

You’re too tired to protest, so you simply chuckle and jump onto his back, right before he quite literally starts to dash back to your small shared apartment. Your laughter echoes through the empty streets as his feet pound the pavement, hobbling home while you hold onto him and your bag for dear life. And while your building is only two blocks away from the store, it’s really a miracle you’re still clinging on when you get to your building.

“Alright, alright,” Yoongi says through short breaths and huffs, letting you slide off his back. “That’s enough cardio for today.”

You chuckle, taking a step closer and grabbing onto his arm as he digs your keys out of his pocket. “Thanks for the ride, babe,” you mutter, pressing a kiss to his cheek and feeling his skin bunch up with his smile as your lips linger there.

“Of course,” he replies in a low mumble, fumbling to unlock the door and pushing it open to let the two of you into the building.

You don’t let go of his arm as you slowly make your way up the stairs and shuffle down your corridor, your head leaning on his shoulder and your eyes almost closed when you finally get to your door. He silently unlocks your apartment, gently running a thumb over your cheek as you finally step inside.

Not bothering to turn on the lights, you reluctantly let go of Yoongi to throw your bag into a corner, stumbling around in the dark and blindly changing into your pyjamas. The man himself merely kicks off his shoes and rids himself of his jacket and hoodie, plopping onto the bed way before you do.

What feels like both an eternity and only seconds later, you finally fall down next to him, right on top of the covers. With a hum, you finally let your eyes close fully as creep into his embrace, lips brushing his, and a warm feeling spreads through you.

“Babe, you forgot to brush your teeth,” he mumbles as he leans closer and kisses you, a small smile tugging at his lips.

You ignore the possible implied insult, simply letting out a soft whine in reply. “Can I also just not?” you mutter, pressing another kiss to his lips before he hums and moves to kiss your cheek, your jaw, your neck.

“You could, but it doesn’t mean you should,” he mutters, his breath fanning over your bare skin and sending a shiver down your spine.

Rather than replying, you hum once more, feeling yourself drift further and further off to sleep. Quite honestly, you don’t really care whether you did your proper night routine or not at the moment.

Yoongi shakes you softly. “Hey, don’t fall asleep on me,” he mutters, his hand creeping underneath your shirt. It makes you shiver despite the fact that his touch is warm.

“But –”

“Don’t you dare,” he interrupts with a soft voice, slurring his words like he’s falling asleep along with you. “Your morning breath is already bad enough as it is.”

“Thanks, babe,” you mutter through a huff, tightening your arms around his torso. “Love you too.”

He chuckles and kisses you rather than replying. It’s lazy and slow, his soft, pillowy lips languidly moving against yours. You let out a soft sigh, rolling closer to him, the covers crumpling underneath you. It’s really all you’ve been looking forward to your entire shift – a soft mattress to sink into, a pair of warm arms wrapped around you, with all the time in the world to slowly drift off to sleep. You honestly feel like you could stay like this forever.

That is, until he pulls away.

“Now go brush your teeth, dummy,” he says, kissing your cheek before rolling over.

You groan, opening your eyes slightly to stare at his back. “But sleep,” you whine, though you already start scooching closer to the edge of the bed.

“But hygiene,” he mutters back as you heave a sigh, taking a moment to muster up the energy and jump up.

Giving him a mere hum in reply, you shuffle over to the bathroom to brush your teeth like he so badly wants you to do. Your eyes stay closed almost all the way, and you barely make the two minutes of standing upright on the cold bathroom tiles.

Soon enough, you eagerly return to bed and you fall on top of him once more. “Minty fresh,” you say through a sigh. “Happy?”

“Very,” he replies, voice deep and raspy. He pulls the covers over you, wrapping his arms around you and pressing a slow kiss to your forehead. “Night, babe.”

You smile softly, too tired to hold on to your frustration, and you lift your head to kiss him once more. “Night, Yoongi.”

a/n: thanks so so much for reading, I hope you liked it!! It was nice to write a good old fluffy one shot again (even though it probably hasn’t been that long fjkdslfdjksl) :) Let me know what you thought, I’d love to hear from you! I hope you have a great day/night wherever you are♥

requests | masterlist

[shineonmalcolmbright]

Shine On, Bright: Chapter Twenty-Nine

Table of Contents

Present

There are enough lights out in the yards to make a person wonder what the electric bill looked like every December. Malcolm trails behind Owen glancing at glimmering candy cane, sparkling snowmen, and blinking Santas. Christmastime is here. Happiness and cheer. Own gets right to business. It’s not like he’s a cop anymore and the split second of distraction is gone. Malcolm hops up onto the stoop of the house before them where Owen’s knocking and it’s time to wait to see what they may or may not learn about the Junkyard Killer.

It’s getting cold. You’ve been colder, Malcolm tells himself. It means nothing. He rubs his hands together to let some friction heat him up.

Owen smirks at him. “Smile, kid. This is the fun part.”

But Malcolm doesn’t smile. He looks at Owen’s feet instead while keeping his hands together. It’s hard to smile when you have words such as, But you already knew all of this all along. Don’t do it. You know if you go in there, there’s no going back, on the brain.

“Don’t worry.” Owen leans forward, he’s chuckling as he reveals a concealed weapon. “You were right before, it’s not registered.”

“Oh, well, in that case. . .” Malcolm tries not to roll his eyes because how is that supposed to provide any comfort (and it’s so cold).

Owen goes back to knocking on the door only for Malcolm’s phone to go off. It’s tugging at his attention and he pulls it out of his pocket to see what’s up. Hopefully, it’s not Jessica or Ains calling to tell them how disappointed they are in him. Except it’s neither and he picks up, turning away from Owen like it’ll help create a more private conversation.

“Gil. Hey.” If he really wants, he reaches out to Gil himself through the shining but Gil couldn’t reach him. Made the world a little more lonely. Behind him, Owen’s still banging on the door. There’s no telling how many miles separate the two but some panic leaks through the phone from Gil. I got a lead.”

“So do I. Macy didn’t do it.”

Figures, figures. Malcolm nods even though Gil can’t see him or hear his present thoughts. There’s not much to read other than the annoyance of Owen still knocking on the door. Not at Owen but the mystery of if this lead is worthwhile and a consistent noise of any sort is easy to dislike.

“So the frame job and the murder were two separate crimes,” Malcolm says hopping right into too many thoughts even with the knock, knock, knocking. “Turner was investigating The Junkyard Killer. . .” It’s enough to get Owen to stop with one subtle What the fuck as he glances at Malcolm. “So maybe, maybe. . .”

The thoughts are the same for Gil. His surprise hangs in the air, distance can’t change that. He even blurts into the phone, “Wh-Wh-What?” Where are you, Bright?

“Maybe he found out Turner was on his case.” There’s no stopping Malcolm, the words might as well be word vomit because they keep coming, no questions can stop him. A little too close to the truth so he follows him to the hotel. . .”

Bright, where are you?

“. . .Didn’t expect him to be there with a sex worker but who cares, he’s there to kill a cop and he’ll happily throw in Emily, too.”

Even though Owen’s listening, he keeps up the occasional knock to not let their progress die.

“Wait, wait. . .” I’m not asking you again, where are you, Bright? “Are you saying that our murderer is the Junkyard Killer?”

Malcolm’s grinning, not that Owen nor Gil can see him. His back is still to Owen and there’s the distance to consider. But still. It’s hilarious, isn’t it? “We were working the case this entire time.” Cosmic humor bringing them together.

Before Malcolm can get out more words the door explodes open behind them with a woman grunting, she’s full of an odd sense of fury. “I may be blind but I’m not deaf.”

Malcolm faces her and maybe the odd sense is more than how upset she sounds because, beyond spoken words, there’s a lot of silence around her. There’s been other times Malcolm has faced such a silence. It’s an odd one where the rest of the world let’s you realize how busy it’s been all along from the buzzing Christmas lights to passing cars with their music floating on stereos.

“What do you want?” A tinge of sadness bites into her words because maybe she likes being alone? Maybe she’s not alone and wants to be with people. It’s impossible to tell.

“I-I got to go.” Malcolm hangs up real fast in order to join Owen.

Before Malcolm could cut off the call, he heard the ghost of Gil shouting, “Bright. . .Bright?” Damn it! Bright!

The woman has the door partially closed on her as she leans out facing them. “Unless you plan on singing, get off my front step!”

Shit, didn’t think this far ahead. . . Owen’s grumbling in his thoughts without a plan.

Malcolm hops right in, there’s a lot more energy than he needs right now. A jitteriness that takes over and he needs to shake it off. “Uh! Merry Christmas! We’re looking for John Watkins.” What appears to be confusion warps the woman’s face as she listens to Malcolm. Not an extra word or a hint to what’s going on inside her head. “Do you know if he used to live here?”

Only a smile bursts on her face. She chimes, “My sweet John! Of course, he did! How did you know my grandson?”

There’s something sweet yet poisonous about the way she speaks. It gets to Owen first, he’s there gawking at her unable to connect what he wants to think about. Malcolm’s not sure either. He’s hanging onto the words he told himself before, You know if you go in there, there’s no going back.

Owen’s looking at Malcolm for help and the lie happens so fast. It’s hard to tell who thought it up first. Malcolm admits, “We’re old friends.” Then again, maybe it’s not necessarily the lie he thinks it is. Owen has no idea.

The woman lets them inside the claustrophobic house. The sort that reminds one of hoarders. The woman collects little porcelain angels and skinny candles. There are crucifixes hanging from all the walls. She insists on food for them and leaves Owen and Malcolm alone to the eyes of God watching.

A broken radio spits Christmas songs at them, Said the night wind to the little lamb, Do you see what I see? Do you see what I see?

Malcolm’s taking it all in, smiling the whole time as he looks at all the gauche figurines. So many are faded from years of too much light. Across the room, Owen’s shaking his head. Malcolm’s still shaking from all the energy built up inside him.

“Why are you smiling?”

“This is John’s childhood home,” Malcolm comments as he moves a little closer to Owen. Cutting the distance so their voices don’t carry too much. He’s pointing at everything around them. “That’s, like, the Holy Grail for profilers.”

Do you see what I see? Do you see what I see?

Malcolm can’t focus on one thing, Owen included who’s just gawking at him by this point stuck on ?!?!. “Serial killers aren’t just born, they’re made.” He moves closer to the mantel place letting Owen’s ?!?! grow louder. Malcolm comes so close to touching the little angelic statues that watch over them. “And John was made. . .right here.” Rather than touch, he takes a step back taking in the sights. The regular decorations speak volumes. “Religion played a prominent role in his development. It impacts the way he kills. His messianic mission.”

There’s more than angels but other images of the Christian faith hosted by the house. All gathered to judge them and every other person to walk in front of them.

?!?!

“There are clues everywhere,” Malcolm lowers his voice looking beyond the room the stand in. The whole house is a museum.

The curation of John Watkins' past.

As Malcolm’s looking, the woman interrupts them. Her voice is a bit shrill, it cuts straight through the radio spitting Christmas tunes at them and Owen’s thoughts. “I thought I told you to sit.” The first few words sounded as if they were in trouble, but maybe she means it out of hospitality. She rounds a corner near a little table with plates in her hands. She starts to set the table for them.

Do you hear what I hear?

Owen shakes his head, he takes off his jacket. Malcolm stays in his long coat. They plop into seats at the dinner table to find old TV dinners there. The plastic still on. It’s all moist and hard to rip off with the food making unsettling sounds underneath.

You’ve got to be kidding me. . . Owen frees his food.

Malcolm wrinkles his nose as he listens to the woman speak. “Just remember to peel back the plastic. Sometimes I forget.”

While Owen wrestles with his meal, Malcolm picks up a fork. He’s staring at the table as he speaks. “Thank you for the meal, Mrs. Watkins.” Owen says nothing. He shakes his head. This leaves Malcolm to keep on talking. “We were wondering, uh. . .if you’d seen John recently.” Malcolm looks at his food, it’s as if it's melting and was never meant to be eaten.

“Oh! It’s Matilda, please. Now, how did you know my Johnnie again?”

For the first time, Owen talks even as he’s digging into his meal. “We worked with him at St. Edward’s.”

Malcolm glares at his food, his hands sink to his seat and he sits on them as he waits. He comes close to adding the bit about the Overlook and maybe he did say it out loud. Hard to tell. Owen gives him a look but Matilda’s smiling.

“He always said he made good friends there. Ah, everyone loves John. I raised him to be a good boy.”

Malcolm ends up pushing his food a bit away from him. The thought of eating upsets his stomach just something about it messes with his head. Not necessarily this meal, but all. Like times he’s at home reminding himself to eat over and over again then unable to do so.

“Were John’s parents around when he was a kid?” he asks.

Matilda chortles. “No father that I knew. Least of his worries, though, with that mother.”

Owen’s watching Malcolm not eat, maybe studying how he reacts to Matilda’s story.

“She was a sinner!” Matilda spits out. “FILTHY whore till she died. Chose HEROIN over her own child.” Matilda’s squirming in her seat with the fury ready to burst through the seams of her pink clothes. “You WANT his real mother, you see ME!”

“That must have been hard,” Malcolm comments, the sort of tone saved for condolences.

Matilda’s sitting up straighter, she folds her hands together. “God doesn’t put us here to do easy things, son, just right ones.” She scoots a bit to face Malcolm. His food sits there untouched, collecting the cold. Another brand new edge cuts into her voices. “Would you like something else?”

This leaves Malcolm looking between her and Owen and the food and food he’d rather not eat. Anxiety clenches in his stomach, he lifts his hands for no real reason, doesn’t do anything with them. He kinda just flutters around for a bit as he tries to answer her. “No. I’m. . .It’s fine.” He ends up grabbing a fork and holds it with both hands before letting the fork touch the food.

“Guests in this house deserve better than fine,” Matilda comments. A kindness returns. The hospitality of it all because if it isn’t there then there’d only be guilt. She’s already climbing from her seat. “Sit tight!”

Off in the kitchen, Matilda sings some old song. Malcolm can’t really make it out. He’s cleaning to his fork for dear life.

Owen leans forward whispering, “So he lost his parents young. I mean, that’s rough. But Grandma, she’s not bad. . .” He trails off looking at his food. “Could learn to cook, maybe.”

Malcolm’s shaking his head and clinging to his fork. “It’s all here. In Matilda.” He keeps his voice low, as well. It’s easy to tell Matilda is in the kitchen, still. She sings her song. “John targets people on the fringe because of what she made him believe as a child. That his mother was a sinner, that addicts are evil.”

The singing stops and footsteps approach. Matilda returns with a can in hand, she starts to splatter gravy all over Malcolm’s food almost hitting him a few times. He scoots back while Owen keeps going Oh, Oh, Oh and Matilda hums, “Here you go.” Owen cracks a joke that is so easy to miss. Malcolm sits there unable to touch the table any longer or look at the food without the idea of throwing up.

“Uh, Matilda, do you have any photos of John? We’d love to see him as a kid?” Malcolm talks still with his hands up, ready to flutter with nowhere to go. Grandparents loved showing off photos of their children and grandchildren.

On cue, Matilda hops up all smiles and nods. “I do!” She springs off into another room and brings back a scrapbook with roses on the cover.

Fades photos are inside. Clipped into the pages. Meant to stay. There’s sometimes words beside them pretending to describe people and places and events.

“Who’s Benjamin?” Malcolm points at one not quite able to get a good look.

“My husband, he was good to Johnnie. Pushed him to be his best but my poor Johnnie had to watch him die. Benjamin was working on his car in the garage and like a bolt of lightning straight from God, the car fell and CRUSHED his head. Horrible accident.” She keeps turning the pages leaving Malcolm and Owen to exchange a look because that’s a lot, a lot to take in about John Watkins. “And this is his first communion.” Matilda stops showing off pictures of John Watkins. He’s there in so many of them, faded images tuck in place with little informational tags yet in all of them his face is gone, scratched out of memories.

And Matilda continues on bringing them on a tour of John Watkins’ faceless life as she smiles and exclaims, “Family. Is. Everything.”

There’s not just faceless photos of John Watkins but a postcard of The Overlook Hotel as well. It’s not alone. Instead, it’s hidden on pages all too familiar to Malcolm. There’s the missing girl who was last seen running down a hallway, images of her in the elevator with the timestamps in the corner.

11:05; 11:06; 11:07; 11:09. Then L,E looked out at 11:11.

And close to her is a photograph almost unrecognizable. It’s from a magazine, it says Last known photograph of Alexie & Alexa Grady but their eyes look gouged out. And with them, the saddest part of their story: Family Annihilator. Their father destroyed them all.

Articles about the woman who threw children from the roof of the Overlook before she disappeared herself, found hanging in the basement. Salacious photos of the crime scene are cut out and pasted there.

The worst is ripped up pieces from a journal found their way inside.

11/08: Woke up in library. Thought I went to bed. 11/09: Woke up in ballroom (?). Remember going to bed. Mother said something to sleep better. Don’t remember falling asleep. 11/10: Is it possible to not remember falling asleep but waking up? I feel like I haven’t slept for days. Ask somebody about it. (Would Gil know? Where did Gil go?)

11/12: ????

Malcolm looks away. This world is full of memories, and memories are no different than ghosts. They’re always lurking around corners waiting to haunt you.

Owen’s still looking through the scrapbook shaking his head. “They’re all the same. He knew if Turner was onto him, that people would come looking.”

“So he made sure we wouldn’t be able to I.D. him when you did.” But that’s not wholly true, there’s evidence left behind just for Malcolm to know and no one else in the world. Still unable to look down, Malcolm glances up. Matilda left them again, but she’s close. He ends up whispering right to Owen. “See if you can find out when he was last here. I’m gonna take a look around.”

Even as Malcolm goes to get up he spots the page all about the Overlook and ends up changing it catching sight of one last entry.

11/13: Woke up in bed. Last thing I remember, boiler room. Looking at newspapers. Then nothing. Is there something wrong with me?

Matilda scurries back into the room as Malcolm is half out of his seat. Owen returns to his food looking at a new page of photographs.

“Matilda, can I use your bathroom?”

Matilda halts. “MAY I use your bathroom! Poor grammar is just a short walk to delinquency.” She returns to her smile and hangs onto the back of her seat looking ready to dance. There’s no way to understand her beyond what she says. Malcolm gulps, he watches her not wanting to move and not wanting to look down and catching sight of his own ghosts. “And you may. It’s the first door at the top of the stairs.”

Malcolm peels himself from his chair, he never takes off his coat, he keeps in on like it’s normal to wear one to a private bathroom. Owen’s stuck at the table with Matilda and Malcolm turns into the dark, dark house. He looks up the steps, they twist around, out of sight. There’s no decoration on the walls here. He needs to stay present, he needs to stay present but it’s so hard whenever the Overlook comes bearing down on his shoulders.

Thoughts of a not so lost past where he lost memories to chloroform and woke up half remembering all the times he found Martin in the basement or another corner chatting with the walls and almost unseen ghosts. Such hungry, hungry ghosts. They waited to feed on anybody passing through.

Matilda’s radio continues to spit out its Christmas music providing a backdrop that hides the voices in the kitchen of her and Owen chatting.

Ding dong ding dong, That is their song, With joyful ring, All caroling.

Malcolm inhales, he counts his breaths trying to ignore the lyrics and the encroaching thoughts. Of the girl in Room 217 who still haunts him, asking him to solve her death as if it were a riddle. Of him walking into the room after pushing Ainsley forward on a little tricycle, the big wheel sort meant for the insides of a building. He entered the room hearing her sing a song that would forever remind him that he’d be seeing her as she’s stuck inside of the tub inside the room.

One seems to hear, Words of good cheer, From everywhere, Filling the air.

The house groans underneath his weight as he moves up to the second floor. Up there, the lights are off forcing him to use a flashlight to guide him through the curation of John Watkins’ past.

Oh how they pound, Raising the sound, O'er hill and dale, Telling their tale.

Only crucifixes grace the walls. There’s no personal images up there and at least the angel figurines remain only downstairs. Malcolm avoids the bathroom with a half-remembered dream of the girl in Room 217. Instead, his light catches a vanity license plate at the end of the hall and on a door, the sort you buy in gift shops.

John.

Jesuses watch him steer clear of the bathroom as he enters John’s room. He pushes the door open glad it doesn’t whine on his hinges. Somewhere downstairs the radio continues to play and hopefully, Owen is learning something. There’s no telling what’s hidden up here in the murkiness of disuse. Malcolm shines his light around the room. There’s a single gold plated cross above a twin bed with two lights beside it. No decorations. Nothing to define what John once loved. Behind him, another Jesus watches from a framed image. There’s a long mirror capturing Malcolm and the wall with the crucifix above the bed, it reflects it back at him.

He moves forward peeling back at the threads of abandonment in the room. Dust falls like fog. Nobody’s wanted here. There’s a closet by the door and a lock on the door capturing his attention. It glints thanks to his flashlight. Malcolm walks to it, he’s hesitant though. Careful to make as little sound as possible because he’s of course in the bathroom.

It's too big of a lock to put on a closet and what closet has a lock? Malcolm touches it regretting, he uses his other hand to hold the flashlight and open the door finding a place for chains on the floor. All around are scratch marks, as if something past and present is trying to get out. Malcolm runs his hand over some of the scratches on the door finding himself listening to another time and another place. There’s no more carol of the bells but a sobbing child who begs. He can feel splints burring underneath his nails, ready to make them pop off. Sometimes fingernails litter the floor. They grow back, they always grow back to be lost again.

Malcolm releases the door and the memory, as well. He’s back in the present, almost.

Somewhere across the city, Malcolm can almost hear Gil shouting for his attention. Others are also starting to ask, Where is Bright right now? And Gil’s furious his answer is We don’t know.

[ohmygoodnessgraciouss]

Helloooooo! I have recently discovered your talented self. Very sad it wasn’t sooner. Saw your post about requests and decided to check out your work. AND I AM IN LOVE 😍. I was wondering if I could request a Jason Todd x reader because Jason is bae. The reader is a famous singer and named a song after him (like Ariana grandes Pete Davidson). Hopefully you can work with that. Love you babe❤️

Masterlist

Hello!  Aw, this was so sweet of you!!  Honestly, I haven’t been on for long at all!  Maybe a year at most lol.  Even then, I don’t think any of my fanfics really started until back in January!  But still, thank you so much for the sweet message!  I could definitely work with your request and I hope you like it!

Chosen Song (I thought it worked for Jason, but you can always just replace it with a different song.  It won’t matter): Unconditionally by Katy Perry

Fun fact: Unconditionally was one of my favorite songs when it first came out and as a smol child I was super annoyed that it never went as big as Dark Horse or Roar.

Words: 1762

"Are you sure it's alright?" Your boyfriend, Jason asked as you waved him off.

"I'm perfectly fine with it, Jason.  You have a job.  You have to go get Sionis before he hurts someone again.  You've been to every other concert I've had in Gotham this year.  Work on your own job.  It'll be okay," You reassured him.  

You, Y/N L/N, were considered the Queen of Pop to the world.  You took the world by storm, performing in front of millions after starting your career in only a year.  You conveyed your emotions so well in your songs that everyone could relate to them or understand what you were feeling.  Well, they could understand everything except one thing.

You lived in Gotham City of all places.  It's considered the country's most crime-ridden city.  Every other singer you've talked to from Camila Cabello to Ariana Grande preferred the romantic cities in France and Italy to find inspiration for their songs.  Not you though.  Gotham City was home to not only the Dark Knight but your boyfriend, Jason Todd.  Who coincidentally worked for the Dark Knight.

Your jobs conflicted with each other constantly.  Sometimes you wouldn't see each other for months because of how busy you'd be.  You didn't mind, and you trusted him just like how he trusted you.  You were grateful for the few moments you could share with your boyfriend.  

Every once in awhile though, Jason couldn't come to see you in concert.  Unfortunately, one of those times was now.  You were disappointed by it, but you weren't mad.  He had his own job and it mattered more than a single concert.  Maybe Bruce and the others could come along.  

"I'll try to make it if I can, even if it's only for a few minutes," Jason replied as he wrapped his arms around your waist.  You smiled up at him.

"Let me know if you're there then.  I have a little surprise if you're able to show up.  I've been working on a little song with Perrie.  She was able to help me with the music, but the lyrics are all mine."  

"I'll text Ryan if I can make it.  If I can make it at any point it'd probably be in the first half-hour, so you can expect me around then." Ryan, your manager, always made sure to tell you if Jason made it to your show after you finished a song.  He was practically an older brother at this point.

"Sounds like a deal."

~

"You guys are so energetic tonight, I love it!" You yelled into the microphone as thousands of fans cheered you on.  From young teens to their middle-aged parents you could see people cheering you on while they had their phones in hand.  Some of the lights were almost blinding because they were close, but they didn't compare to the ones that were constantly shining in front of you for the shows.  You could feel the adrenaline rush as you always did during a show as you scanned the crowd for Jason quickly.

Ryan told you that he was here by some miracle, but he could only be there for a few minutes.  It was just enough time to perform the song.  You spotted Jason right in front, smiling up at you.  You grinned at him and winked as you looked up to the crowd that roared in delight.  

"Alright everyone, I have a little surprise for you," You paused for a moment as everyone cheered.  "I'm currently working on another album, but I have a song ready for you guys to hear first."

Their screams and yells would make you deaf if you didn't have earbuds in.  You didn't care though.  You loved the high that came from it all.  It was exhilarating.

"This one is dedicated to my lovely boyfriend who is currently here. He's helped me through everything and I can't thank him more for all that he's done," You smiled at him. The crowd cheered when you smiled at him.

As they started to quiet down the music began.  It was much softer than the other songs you've already done.  The crowd listened in quietly as Jason watched with intrigue.  

~

Oh no, did I get too close oh?Oh, did I almost see what's really on the inside?All your insecuritiesAll the dirty laundryNever made me blink one time

~

He didn't expect you to go so in-depth especially so quickly into a song.  Jason didn't mind it a single bit though.  You weren't hiding anything in the song.  He wasn't surprised.  You tended to write about anything that went through your head.

You started writing this song when you were up at 3 AM waiting for him to get back.  You had inspiration for no reason at all in the middle of the night when you were looking at a few old photos on your phone.  They reminded you of the days when he'd push you away early on in your relationship.  He was worried back then that you'd leave because of his past.  After his parents, Bruce, the Joker, he didn't want to keep himself vulnerable to anyone.  You kept going though.  You wouldn't let him become a hermit crab.

~

Unconditional, unconditionallyI will love you unconditionallyThere is no fear nowLet go and just be freeI will love you unconditionally

~

You could almost see Jason's eyes light up slightly as you were singing.  You could barely hear yourself from the awes that were going through the crowd.  The phone lights were blinding now, so you could only see a few people in the first row for the most part.  

~

Come just as you are to meDon't need apologiesKnow that you are all worthyI'll take your bad days with your goodWalk through this storm I wouldI'd do it all because I love you, I love you

~

Jason couldn't even think about what he had to do later that night.  He was enchanted by your song and your voice.  He could feel his phone vibrating in his pocket, no doubt it was Roy asking if he'd be there soon.  

~

Unconditional, unconditionallyI will love you unconditionallyThere is no fear nowLet go and just be freeI will love you unconditionally

So open up your heart and just let it beginOpen up your heart, and just let it beginOpen up your heart, and just let it beginOpen up your heart

~

The lights started to dim as the music slowed and quieted for a moment.  You were working with Ryan all afternoon to have the performance perfect if you could do it.  The one thing you've learned from your shows is that the lighting changes everything.  You trusted the technicians with it almost every time, but you asked for this specifically.  

~

Acceptance is the key to beTo be truly freeWill you do the same for me?

Unconditional, unconditionallyI will love you unconditionallyAnd there is no fear nowLet go and just be free'Cause I will love you unconditionally (oh yeah)

~

The music faded away into nothing as the people started screaming for more.  You smiled at them, but your eyes were focused on Jason's reaction.  

Jason looked up at you like you were the only thing that mattered.  You were beautiful, standing up on stage, doing what made you happy.  You were panting slightly from the performance, but that's not what mattered.  What mattered was that he knew at that point that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with you.

Later that night Jason made his way into your shared apartment.  He placed his keys in the basket next to the door and headed towards the bedroom, planning to be quiet so you could sleep.  Instead, he found you wide awake on the bed, checking your phone.  You were under the covers and it looked like you had tried to sleep several times, but it was impossible.  

"How did it go with Sionis?"  You asked him as he went to go change.  

"It went well, actually," You could detect the sarcasm quickly.  "I referred to him a nice place to stay at for the night since his place was destroyed by some freak accident.  He's not too happy with it since it has metal bars on the windows, but he doesn't have much of a choice."  He turned to sit on the bed next to you.  You smiled. "How did the concert go?"

"Well, the crowd practically lost it shortly after you left.  They were really sweet about it all, but I think nothing else mattered after that to them," You laughed while he chuckled.

"Nothing else mattered for me either.  That song was beautiful.  I'm glad I was able to see it," He complimented you.  You blushed slightly.

"I wrote it while we were in Paris.  Do you remember that time you called and you had a heart attack because you realized it was three in the morning for me?"

"Of course.  I got an earful from Ryan the day after.  Not to mention Dick found out about it and decided to be a himself about it," He said, using Dick's name as a play on words.  

You laughed slightly at the memory, remembering when Jason ranted to you about it shortly after you were home.  "I couldn't sleep after that, so I started writing.  I wrote about anything that came to mind which meant I wrote about our memories.  I figured you'd rather not let the whole world know about it all, so I decided to stick with that song."

"Then I should tell you exactly what I thought of it." He wrapped his arms around your waist to bring you close as he laid down.

"And what did you think of it?"

"I thought it was absolutely beautiful, and I don't know what I did to deserve you.  I don't think I could thank you in words alone.  However, with your permission, I could thank you in another way," He winked.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking then?" You asked him, grinning slyly.

"I must be," He replied, almost visibly showing that he was getting excited for what would be next.

"Then a delicious breakfast would be the perfect way to start the morning tomorrow, thank you."  You kissed him on the tip of his nose before turning around to your side, facing away from him.

You could feel his shoulders slump before he chuckled.  He spooned you and kissed the top of your head lightly.  "I love you," You heard him say as he drifted off to sleep.

"I love you too."

~I will love youI will love youI will love you unconditionally~

[therainroguefanfiction]

⁂ Love & Hate (Tarou Sakaki)

Genre: Angst, Fluff, Romance, Suggestive 16+, Student x Teacher ☁

Word Count: 2,376 ☁

Pairing: High School Reader x Sakaki ☁

World: Prince of Tennis ☁

WARNING: This fic contains a relationship between a high school student and a teacher. If you do not like these types of fics, please do not read.

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Cold

You sat on one of the steel benches in the park, the cold seeping through your thin clothes. It was midnight, meaning that the park was completely empty except for yourself. Knowing this, the man that you loved had called you up and asked you to meet him there. Due to certain circumstances, you had to meet in secret. And what better place than a deserted and quiet park at midnight for a secret meeting?

Winter was just around the corner and the temperature had dropped pretty low. Despite this, you still sat on that cold bench, shivering slightly every time the wind blew. It wasn’t long before the male showed up. He didn’t look pleased that you were sitting there practically freezing – since you had left your jacket at home, not expecting the weather to be so chilly.

With a click of his tongue, he removed his jacket and draped it over your shoulders before sitting down on the bench next to you, his arm around your shoulder to pull you into his chest. You smiled in content, breathing in the expensive cologne the man wore.

“Were you waiting long?” He questioned, his stoic voice showing just the smallest trace of concern.

You shook your head and smiled up at him. “No, not at all. It wouldn’t have mattered, though. I don’t mind waiting for you.”

He shook his head, his dark brown orbs narrowing into a glare. “I mind. The last thing I want is to find out that my girlfriend turned into a frozen treat because she waited too long… without a jacket.”

You chuckled, arms wrapping tight around his torso. You knew that it was hard for him to show affection; he just wasn’t used to it. Despite that, he still showed little signs that he did care, and that was enough for you.

Sakaki’s arms snaked around you, pulling you closer to his chest. You relished the warm feeling that he sent through your body. As long as Sakaki was there to hold you, no matter how low the temperature dropped, you’d always be warm.

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Music

One thing you loved was music. More specifically, you loved the piano. But it was more than just listening to it. You loved to play, to feel the keys beneath your fingers and know that such beautiful music was being produced by your hand.

You learned to love music even more after meeting Taro Sakaki, Hyotei Gakuen’s music teacher. Music class was where you first met. It was also where you shared your first kiss and decided to start dating. Seeing how wonderful the man was at playing the piano made you fall in love. That’s when you decided to stay after school and ask him to help you get even better at playing. From there, your relationship blossomed.

Of course, due to the fact that he is a teacher and you are a student, it makes things difficult for you, and you have had your fair share of tension and arguments.

“The answer is no,” Sakaki responded, sitting behind his desk and looking through some paperwork. His brown orbs wouldn’t even meet your own.

“Why not? There’s no tennis practice tomorrow, right? Would it really hurt for you to take a break for a couple hours?” You questioned, a scowl on your face as you stood in front of his desk, arms crossed and eyes narrowed. Why was he being so uncooperative?

“I have some students to tutor tomorrow. My answer remains.”

“Tarou!” You growled, slamming your hands on his desk. He still paid you no mind. “Tomorrow is our anniversary… doesn’t that mean anything to you?”

“Not really.” He responded, his voice holding no trace of emotion; he looked completely uninterested in the conversation.

“I guess that means this relationship means nothing, then? Do you care at all?”

“I have more important things to worry about than some spoiled brat who whines when she doesn’t get what she wants.” His voice turned cold, eyes narrowing in anger at the paper in his hand.

Your eyes widened as you stepped back, tears prickling the corners of your eyes. How could he say that? You never asked him for anything! You were the farthest thing from spoiled! All you wanted was to spend some time with the man you thought loved you. You guys never spent much time together because he’s always busy – you understood that and always put up with it, but the one time you ask because it’s your anniversary…

You clutched your shirt where your heart lay, beating painfully in your chest. You could feel the tears rolling down your flushed cheeks and you bit your lip to keep in your sobs. You knew that he wasn’t a man to show emotion or be affectionate, but he didn’t have to be so cold and cruel!

Sakaki let out a sigh, still refusing to look at you. “Stop being so dramatic.”

You shook your head, feeling the shock and pain turn into anger that began to boil inside of you. Now you were being dramatic? Does he even realize just how much his words and actions hurt? Does he even care?

“Excuse me for wanting to spend time with you!” You hissed, feeling yourself shake from a mix of the tears you were still shedding and the anger you now felt. “Don’t worry, Sakaki-sensei. I won’t be bothering you anymore.”

“You’re acting like a child.” He said coldly, eyes narrowed at your shaking form. “The waterworks will not change my mind, knock it off.”

“I hate you… I hate you, Sakaki!” You cried, turning around and running from his office.

Maybe you were over-reacting, but it was painful. It hurt so bad, and he didn’t even care! You hated him… you never wanted to see him again…

So why did it hurt so bad to think that?

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Argument

As much as you didn’t want to, you couldn’t exactly skip music class. And so, you spent about ten minutes in front of the classroom door, debating on whether or not you should just skip class and accept the punishment.

No, you shook your head, determination shining in your eyes. You still loved music and you weren’t going to let that uncaring bastard stop you from enjoying it. Taking a deep breath, you slid the door open and slipped inside, moving to sit at the back of the room instead of the front.

The bell finally rang and everyone shuffled into their seats, waiting for Sakaki-sensei to arrive. You weren’t sure why, but you hoped that your words had affected him in some way.

You felt your heart clench painfully when he entered the room; he looked completely normal like nothing had happened. You knew it had been too much to hope for. He was just a heartless bastard, after all.

He didn’t really care about you. That was what you convinced yourself of.

He sent you a heated glare before beginning the lesson. That was the first and only time he paid attention to you during class.

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You hadn’t paid attention to a word Sakaki had said during class. You just couldn’t focus, even if you wanted to – which, if you were being honest, you really didn’t feel like paying attention.

You felt relief wash over you as the bell rang, signaling the end of the period. With a sigh, you quickly gathered your things and prepared to leave the classroom. A deep, demanding voice stopped you before you could even move away from your seat.

“I need to speak to you.”

You scowled, wanting to tell him to shove it, but you figured that wouldn’t be a smart move. So instead, you just nodded and approached his desk.

As soon as the last student left the tension-filled room and the door closed, his expression turned to one of anger. An icy chill settled over the room.

“Whatever it is, can you make it quick sir, I have to get to my next class.”

His eyes narrowed. “Where have you been? I’ve been trying to get a hold of you for a week now.”

“Che. Not my problem.”

Sakaki growled, his voice dripping with acid. “Didn’t I tell you to stop acting like a spoiled brat?”

“I’m not acting like a spoiled brat. I’m simply being honest. It’s not my problem if you couldn’t get a hold of me. If I remember correctly, we’re no longer together. You’re nothing more than my teacher, sir.”

You saw something flash through Sakaki’s eyes, though you couldn’t be sure what it was because it disappeared seconds later. If you had to guess, you’d say it was embarrassment at being talked to like that; no one else ever had the guts, not even Atobe.

“You say you’re not acting like a child, but you know damn well that’s not true. You’re ignoring me simply because you didn’t get your way.”

“Heh, is that what you think? You were never happy with this relationship from the beginning. If you didn’t want to be in a relationship with me, you could have just said so, instead of acting like a heartless asshole!” You snapped.

Sakaki leaned back in his chair, arms folded over his chest. “Detention for yelling and cussing at a teacher.”

You scoffed and headed for the door. Before you slipped out, you looked over your shoulder. “Now who’s being childish? Giving me detention, just because you can’t come up with a good retort.”

Sakaki slammed his fist onto the desk after you left, feeling angry. He wasn’t angry at you, though. He was angry at himself. He really was acting like a child, despite being a well respected grown man. His problem was that he wasn’t dealing with an adult who could lock things away and turn a blind eye and a deaf ear. He was dealing with a teenager who would rather deal with things head-on, rather than lock them away and forget about them.

That was the difference that he never thought to remember.

By that point it was too late; things had already been messed up and it was his fault.

Could he fix it before it became un-repairable? Did he still have a chance?

Silence

You lay in your bed, staring blankly out the open window. Your parents had gone out thirty or so minutes ago, leaving you alone in the house. The silence was killing you because it gave you the chance to reflect on your relationship so far with Sakaki and to reflect on what had happened between the two of you recently. It made your heart lurch painfully.

You let out a sigh, closing your green eyes in an attempt to fall asleep. “I really was acting like a spoiled brat.”

“You’re wrong.”

You jumped in surprise, sitting up in bed and staring at the man standing in the doorway. How the hell did he get in your house? And, more importantly, what did he just say? “S-Sakaki…?”

He walked into the room, shutting and locking the door behind him before making his way over to you. He towered over your sitting form, his expression blank.

“W-What are you doing in my house?!” You demanded, fists clenching around the cotton sheets that covered your legs.

With one swift movement, Sakaki managed to pin you down to the bed, hovering over you with an almost predatory look in his eyes. Seeing you lying like that with your hair spread out over the pillow and an annoyed gleam in your eyes… it really turned him on.

He breathed your name and nipped at your ear, his voice husky and brown eyes clouded with lust. You gasped in surprise when his hand slipped under your shirt, the cold metal of his rings sending a chill down your spine as they slid over your skin. Sakaki took advantage of this, sliding his tongue into your open mouth. You groaned in response, attempting to fight off the wet appendage that was invading your mouth.

After finally winning against you, he pulled back, his face hovering inches from your own. Despite you being young, you were the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. Especially right now, in your current position. From your hair that shined like silk, to your sparkling eyes. Every single aspect of you was beautiful. In his eyes, you were a goddess.

He whispered your name into her ear again while his hand pushed your shirt up, exposing the skin to the cold air. His hand continued moving upward until his fingers reached your braw. With a smirk, he slipped his hand under the material, his warm hand grasping onto the mountain of flesh and earning a delighted moan.

He let a chuckle pass his lips before pressing them to your neck, licking and nipping until he left a rather large red mark behind; it was his way of showing that you were taken. He licked up and down your neck before finally coming back to your ear. You didn’t expect the words that left his mouth, despite how low his voice had been. Had you heard wrong?

“W-What?” You stuttered, asking him to repeat himself.

“I’m sorry. For everything.” He pressed his lips to your neck before moving down to leave a trail of butterfly kisses across your stomach. “I didn’t mean anything I said to you.”

You grinned, grabbing the front of his suit and pulling him down until your lips crashed in a passionate kiss. You both let all of your feelings explode, mixing with one another and creating a warm feeling in the pit of your stomach.

“I love you.” He murmured, his hand gently caressing your side.

“I love you too, Tarou.” A small tinge of pink came to your cheeks as you realized that was the first time you had said you loved him, and the first time he had said it, as well.

The silence that night was broken by your moans and Sakaki’s grunts of pleasure. Even though it returned after you fell asleep in each other’s arms, it was a welcoming silence that bore more of a warm and happy feeling, opposed to the cold and saddening one you had previously felt.

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[marril96]

The Distance Between Us

Chapter 1: Fs and Enemies and Principals, All My!

Pairing: Rowena x reader

Summary: Just when you thought high school couldn't possibly get any worse, classmate and archenemy, Rowena MacLeod, is selected to be your math tutor. As the two of you spend more time together, boundaries break and secrets get revealed. Maybe there's more to the school's mean girl than meets the eye. High School AU.

A/N: Credits to @werewolfbarbie for all the information about the American school system.

Editor: @rowenaisfabulous

You hated Rowena MacLeod.

Maybe hated was too strong a word.

Disliked.

Disfavored.

Disesteemed.

Whatever the most appropriate terminology was, the fact remained that she was your least favorite person in this school.

Okay, maybe second least favorite. Or third. There certainly were a lot of assholes at your high school.

But, god, Rowena was a special kind.

She'd never done anything to you personally. There was animosity in your interactions, but it didn't go beyond that.

She was, however, nasty to your friend. Who was her brother and was equally nasty to her in return, but still. The friend code and all.

She used your other friend. Strung him along and took advantage of him. Took his kindness for granted.

She was popular, and had gotten so in a rather… interesting way. Her way to the top consisted of sucking up to other popular kids until some felt sorry enough for her that they'd let her become one of them (or they'd given in to get her to shut up) and dating the school's biggest douchebag.

And she got an A today, one hundred percent, perfect score, and looked so damn smug you barely held back an eye-roll.

You'd gotten an F. One percent. You supposed it could have been worse — Dean Winchester, sitting a few rows down, got a zero. Yay, you!

First math test of your senior year, and you'd failed it.

Great fucking start!

Fuck it, you thought. It wasn't like this was going to matter. Those numbers, formulas no one in their right mind would remember in a few weeks' time, this stupid test — they didn't matter. Ten years from now, and no one would think of them. Life would go on as normal. All of today would be nothing but yet another blur in the foggy sea of memories. Maybe not even that.

Thinking like that didn't make you feel any better. Your stomach was still tight with pressure. Hands still balled into fists on your thighs. Teeth clenched. Heart racing.

This was only the first test, you tried telling yourself.

That, exactly, was the problem, your other, more rational (or rather pessimistic) side argued. You'd started the school year with a big, fat F. In Math, of all things. Your least favorite subject. Your worst one. The subject you'd almost failed last year, and the one before that.

If this was your big start, you were screwed.

Ms. Hanscum was a great teacher. She was kind to the students and acted more like a friend than a teacher. She helped everyone who struggled out, explained everything multiple times if necessary.

Yet you still sucked.

Math just happened to be your public enemy number one.

Ms. Hanscum could go over her lessons a thousand times. She could sit you on her lap like a toddler and hold your hand as you wrote down her instructions. She could have superpowers that made everyone she spoke to understand math. You still wouldn't get it.

You weren't generally stupid.

You were just stupid for math.

Rowena's eyes met yours for a short moment. Her mouth was wide with a smile; it would have been cute if it wasn't condescending. There was a softness to her expression, a casualness almost innocent. It didn't fool you. You knew the only reason she was looking around was to watch those less fortunate, to rub her success in.

That was what people like her did. They reveled in the others' misfortune, basked in it, breathed it in in large gulps like air. Lived off it.

You flashed her a smile of your own. Sugary sweet, the kind so obviously fake it was purposeful.

She looked away.

Good.

Let her find another target to look down at.

You were not in the mood. At all.

*****

Lunch made you feel a bit better. It wasn't so much the food (the measly pastry you were nibbling on) as it was your friends' support. As always, your tiny gang listened to every word you said and were quick to offer jokes and kind words to make it better.

It worked like magic.

Mostly.

"It's not so bad," Dean said. "I got a zero!" At that he grinned with pride only a jock like him could have in such a grade. "I never got a zero before!"

"Freshman year, English," you reminded him.

"Oh, yeah! That was wild!"

Sure was.

So was the summer school he had to go to to be allowed to pass on to his Sophomore year. Fun times!

He bragged to everyone about his brother helping him out. His younger brother, who was an eighth-grader at the time. If he wasn't a jock, that would've earned him mockery.

"Ms. Hanscum will let you make it up, right?" Sam, the aforementioned brother, asked.

He was a huge nerd. Best kid in his class like Rowena was in yours, but unlike her, he was a good person. Sweet. Kind. He always had his head buried in a book and spent an unhealthy amount of time in the library.

Thanks to his brother's popularity, other popular kids left him alone. Nobody wanted the wrath of Dean Winchester, and, by extension, the entire football team, at their back.

"I guess," you said.

Most likely. Ms. Hanscum was big on helping kids out as best as she could.

"I can help you out, if you want," Sam offered.

Your heart swelled up with gratitude. "Thanks, Sam. I'll let you know."

He was a year younger, but he was smart. Crazy smart. Too bad you and math were on horrible terms.

"Make up exams are for losers," Crowley announced, taking a drag of his cigarette.

You sighed. Expect him to offer useless commentary.

"Dude, you almost failed Sophomore year," you told him. Had it not been for Sam, he would've been held back this summer.

Crowley shrugged. "Happens to the best of us."

You quirked up an eyebrow. "So you're a loser, too?"

"I hang out with you lot, do I not?"

You flipped him the bird, while Sam and Dean rolled their eyes.

Crowley was special. He was your friend and you loved him dearly, maybe even more than the Winchester brothers. He was snarky and sarcastic, liked to push people's buttons, and considered being an annoyance a hobby. Generally, though, he was harmless. All bark and no bite. An acquired taste you'd, for reasons unknown, taken a liking to.

He was a good friend. A great friend.

He was also Rowena's brother.

The MacLeod siblings had a strange relationship. They always snarked at each other. Called each other names and acted hostile. Sometimes even got into screaming matches right in the middle of the hallway and had to be separated by teachers.

But they were also protective of each other. One time, Arthur Ketch had called Rowena a whore. Crowley, who often called her that himself, punched him in the face and got himself a week's detention. Another time, Rowena overheard Naomi Godsend telling her friends about her plan to ask Crowley out on a date as a joke and slapped the living daylights out of her once they'd stepped off school grounds.

It was weird. You didn't ask questions. Even if you did, you doubted Crowley would have any answers.

"Ass," you said.

"Bitch," Crowley retorted.

You laughed. He laughed along.

"Your sister got a hundred percent. Again," you said.

He rolled his eyes. "Figures. Bloody miss perfect."

"She kept looking at people, like, 'I'm so much better than you peasants.'" You imitated her accent in an overly exaggerated way, earning you a laugh from Dean and Crowley.

"Are you sure that's what she was doing?" Sam asked.

Way to ruin the moment.

"Why else would she be doing it?" you asked.

"Maybe she just wanted to see how others did."

"Yeah, and then point and laugh at them."

"Did she do that?" he said.

"Internally, most likely," you said.

"So she didn't."

You sighed. There was no winning this. "She's a bitch, Sam. The entire school knows that."

"The entire school doesn't know her," Sam defended.

"I live with her, Moose," Crowley cut in. "And I can say with utmost certainty she's a massive bitch."

"You think that about everyone," Sam pointed out. "Even us."

"No, I don't," Crowley said defensively. "I think she's a bigger bitch than all of you."

"Thanks so much, Crowley," you deadpanned.

"You're welcome, Y/N," he said smugly.

Sam rolled his eyes, then turned back to you. "She's not so bad."

Sure, she wasn't. "She's badder than bad," you argued. "Why are you friends with her?"

He shrugged. "She's nice."

You snorted. Crowley laughed. Dean scowled as if Sam had just admitted to stealing his porn.

"She is," Sam said defensively. "Once you get to know her."

The only reason she was hanging out with him was his connection to Dean. That was the reason she hung out with all her other "friends." Why she chased after Lucifer Shurley until he agreed to date her. Popularity. Power. It was her drug.

Rowena didn't have friends — she had accessories to use to her advantage.

But no matter how many times you and Crowley told Sam about it, your words fell on deaf ears. The younger Winchester believed in the good in her to the point where he was blind to the bad.

It was his funeral.

You'd already prepared an "I told you so" speech for when she kicked him out of her life like a useless old doll. It was bound to happen eventually.

"Whatever you say, Sam," you said, then changed the subject back to math.

It was much more interesting than Rowena MacLeod.

Much less complicated.

*****

The final ring of the bell for the day was music to your ears. You packed your bag in a hurry and ran out, trying to navigate your way out through the sea of students crowding the hallway, your thoughts already on the diner where your friends, having finished their classes an hour earlier, were waiting for you. You could already smell the food, the delicious aroma of coffee and fruity smoothies, your empty stomach grumbling with yearning.

Then the principal's voice sounded through the speakers, and all your hopes were shattered.

"Rowena MacLeod and Y/N Y/L/N, please come to the principal's office. Rowena MacLeod and Y/N Y/L/N, to the principal's office."

Shit!

What did you do know? What did he think you did? Had Rowena told him something? Had she gotten you in trouble?

The last time you were in the principal's office was a year ago, when Lucifer Shurley thought the ideal way to flirt with you was to get in your face and grab your ass.

You introduced your fist to his face.

Lucky for you, the principal, despite being the asshole's father, was understanding. Lucifer bragging about what he'd done and insisting it wasn't that big a deal probably had something to do with it. Either way, he was suspended for two weeks. You'd gotten off with a warning to just report him next time.

As if.

When had telling the teachers helped anyone other than the offender?

Sighing, you made your way to the principal's office. Snickers and whispers followed your every step. People who knew you teased. Others just watched. Most, however, were on their way out, rushing to leave the hell that was school, happy to be done with their day.

Oh, how you wished you were them.

You gave the door a soft, timid knock. Upon being called in, you opened it and stepped inside the small but tidy office. Paintings adorned the walls, along with diplomas from prestigious schools. The spacious, polished desk was riddled with pictures of the Shurley family, both joint and separate.

The principal sure liked to show off.

Principal Shurley was seated at the desk, clad in jeans and a white T-shirt. Looking more like a student than a principal. His sons must have been proud to be seen with him.

There were two chairs in front of his desk. Rowena occupied one, her bag in her lap, fingers playing with a loose piece of thread that hung from it. Her eyes threatened to raise hell, while her mouth promised heaven, scowl and smile both prominent, seemingly at war with each other. Trying to keep up appearances, but failing to.

You couldn't fault her. The last thing you wanted was to waste precious time in the principal's office while your friends waited for you.

"Take a seat," principal Shurley told you in an overly friendly manner, as if he were your friend rather than an authority figure.

You did as asked, sliding your school bag to the floor by your feet.

"Am I in trouble?" you inquired.

Rowena's eyes narrowed in suspicion as she watched you. You responded with a roll of your eyes.

"Oh, no, no," the principal said "Not at all. Neither of you are in trouble."

Something good, at least.

"Why are we here, then?" Rowena asked, trying her hardest (and failing, in your opinion) to keep her displeasure behind a wall of fake courtesy.

If principal Shurley noticed it, he didn't comment on it. Instead, he said, "I just need to talk to you guys a bit. Nothing bad, I promise."

As soon as he said that, you knew it was a lie.

Principals didn't call students to their office to chat about the weather, or the new episode of their favorite show.

They especially didn't call in students who happened to dislike each other.

You were in trouble. You weren't sure what kind, and what Rowena had to do with it, but you were sure it was nothing good.

As if this day wasn't bad enough as it was.

*****

Tags: @werewolfbarbie @oswinthestrange @songofthecagedmoose @apurdyfulmind @getthesalt-sam @metallihca @salembitchtrials @jay-eris @hellsmother @elizabeth-effie @victoriasagittariablack @rowenaswife @dropsofpetrichor @xfireandsin @liddell-alien @hotdiggitydammit @lae-lae @darkhumorsblog @gaysnakess @angel7376 @rowenaisfabulous @ruthieconnells @evil-regal-vampiress @collectorofsecretsandsouls @angel-e-v-a @melisandre02 @a-queen-and-her-throne

[eldritchsurveys]

734.

Have you ever read the Hunger Games series? >> I have, finally! Read it during my trip to Texas in January. I enjoyed it a lot more than I thought I would; my quibbles are few. I want to see the movies but I also don’t want to see the movies -- what I want are... not those movies, pretty much. I’ll probably give the first one a shot at least, just so I know for sure exactly what I’m protesting against, lol.

When was the last time you ran into something? >> I don’t remember, I don’t do that often.

Do you enjoy dressing up? >> Yes, absolutely, mostly because I don’t get to do it often so it’s a novelty.

Do you live in the city or a rural area? >> I live in the outskirts of a city. So, kind of the suburbs, but not quite.

Would you say you have a sense of style? >> I mean, yeah.

What’s your biggest fear? >> Being terribly aware of my every dying moment and carrying that awareness into another life or something.

Have you ever been bitten by a wild animal? >> No.

Are you close to any of your cousins? >> No.

Have you ever been lost in the woods? >> No.

Where did you last travel? >> For any significant distance? Houston, Texas.

Do you enjoy driving? >> I don’t drive. I enjoy driving being a part of my mythic self, though (my mythic self is called the Driver, you see).

What song did you last listen to? >> Sunlight by Hozier. Which was, of course, written specifically to call me out.

If you have a job, how often do you work? >> ---

What time do you normally go to sleep at night? >> Anywhere between 10.30p and 1a.

Do you watch a lot of movies? >> I do.

Do you like Tom Petty? >> I don’t.

Would you rather have snow or rain? >> Rain. Absolutely rain.

Do you own a lot of sweaters? >> No. I’m not sure I own any at all, actually -- oh, wait, I own exactly one. It’s a Hot Topic Christmas sweater and it says “Sleigher: Reindeer Blood” on it. I love it and I would live in it if I could.

Have you ever tried rock-climbing? >> Nope. Except on that small rock wall in the Museum of Science & Industry (pretty sure that’s where it was).

Ever ridden in a police car? >> Yes.

Favorite decade of music? >> I don’t have a favourite decade. I prefer listening to music from as many decades as possible.

Have any of your best friends been your best friend longer than a year? >> ---

Ever witnessed a murder? >> No.

Do you care what people think of you? >> I care what some people think of me.

Does your room have a ceiling fan? >> Nope.

Would you consider yourself poised? >> Not particularly. I never put any effort into it.

Have you ever tried blogging? >> Of course, lol.

Favorite television channel? >> I don’t have cable.

Have you ever lied under oath? >> No.

What are your religious views? >> Nebulous and subject to whim.

Are you a romantic person? >> No.

When did you last change your bed sheets? >> About an hour ago, actually. And I showered afterwards, so now I’m a clean boy in a clean bed. Livin’ the dream.

Would you consider yourself a flirt? >> No.

At what age do you plan to be married? >> 32, apparently.

Do you eat a lot of junk food? >> No. I really just don’t like a lot of the foods that are widely considered “junk”.

When did you last go on vacation? >> I guess the trip to Texas was kind of a vacation? But otherwise I’d say my wedding/honeymoon in October.

Are you resilient? >> Yeah. Like, I know I am. It’s been proven that I am. The fact I feel so fragile and wounded so often isn’t a contradiction of that fact.

Have you ever failed a subject before? >> I don’t think so.

If so, what was the class? >> Like, I should have failed English III because I got a zero on the midterm and the final, but I think the teacher gave me a D out of pity or whatever.

Do you wear more bright or dull colors? >> I don’t really wear colours at all. It’s not even an effort anymore, it really just seems that all of the clothing I’m willing to wear comes in black...

Do you know anyone who has attempted suicide? >> Yes.

What’s your favorite quote? >> DAMMIT. I totally forgot about that quotes file I was going to keep on Evernote. I gotta work on that so I have answers for this question.

Would you consider yourself mature? >> I mean, I suppose I do okay. Being post-traumatic means I have some pretty child-like responses to things sometimes, but, you know. I’m doing my best.

How many clocks are in your house? >> There’s one on my wall, although there’s no battery in it because I can’t abide the noise. It’s just a decoration. (It’s one of those records that someone cut a design out of, it’s really cool.)

Do you play any sports? >> No.

What is your biggest life regret? >> ---

Have you ever been injured in a car accident? >> Nope.

If you could be anywhere in the world right now, where would you be? >> My mind went a lot of places with this question in 5 seconds flat, and I don’t even know how to unpack any of it. Half the shit I thought of didn’t even have anything to do with this lifetime.

Have you ever had highlights in your hair? >> No.

Favorite fast food restaurant? >> Meh.

In what country were you born? >> USA.

Are your eyes more than one color? >> Nope.

Have you ever caught something on fire? >> Accidentally? Yeah, a couple of times.

What would you consider your biggest flaw? >> I don’t know.

What do you think your best quality is? >> Curiosity and open-mindedness.

Do you enjoy listening to others’ problems? >> I’m not sure “enjoy” is the right word in this context, lol.

Do you keep any plants in your house? >> Yeah, Sparrow’s really into plants. I like them, but I tend to enjoy them more when they’re outdoors. Kind of like animals.

What is your mother’s occupation? >> ---

Do any of your friends like your musical style? >> At least some of it, I’m sure. I like way too much shit for me to have no music preferences in common with the average person.

What are you most looking forward to? >> That glorious day when I can just. Walk into a bar and have a drink and some lunch again.

What was your favorite television show as a child? >> I don’t think I had one.

Are you afraid of insects? >> Not as a rule.

Are you cold-natured? >> I don’t think so, but my 485745 defense mechanisms often make me appear so.

How old were you when you got your first pet? >> I was a toddler.

Did you / do you enjoy high school? >> I did not.

What would you say was your favorite age? >> ---

What annoys you most about social networking? >> The way it’s engineered.

Are you the center of attention most of the time? >> No.

What are you currently reading? >> Staring at the Sun: Overcoming The Terror of Death by Irvin D Yalom. It’s... not really giving me anything I can use, mostly because it doesn’t address the things I actually fear (like, no, I don’t fear not leaving behind a good legacy or whatever, I literally fear the awe-ful, terrible knowledge of my organs shutting down and shit like that, the helplessness of being pulled into the abyss. Literally. Not figuratively. This is a literal visceral thing I believe in. Also, I fear persecution by cosmic forces because I have internalised the idea that I am Bad and I will be Punished. Where is my book? I do like the title, though.), so I don’t know if I’m going to finish it. I might skim through it for a few decent nuggets like that one Nietzsche quote he used, “when we are tired, we are attacked by ideas we conquered long ago”. That was a good one.

When did you last go to the library? >> It’s been a while, since I usually just check out ebooks. Oh, wait, we went to the branch for a Black History Month event, so, February.

Are you ill at the moment? >> No.

Do people tease you about anything? >> I mean, Sparrow does. And some tumblr mutuals tease me about various aspects of my Brand, hah.

How late did you stay up last night and why? >> I think I dropped off at around midnight, idk. Because that’s just how it happened.

Have you ever written poetry? >> Sure.

Curtains or shades? >> I’m not sure what the difference is.

How many people have you spoken to in the last hour? >> One.

Do you tend to text a lot? >> No.

Ever lost a great best friend? >> ---

What is your favorite kind of flower? >> Sunflowers.

Do you own any guns? >> Absolutely fucking not.

What would you say is your favorite book of all-time? >> ---

Do you think you’re living a good life? >> I am doing my best with the life I have.

What’s your least favorite part of the day? >> I don’t have a least favourite part of the day.

Are you an over-achiever? >> No.

Have you ever won an award for a speech? >> No.

Do you tend to curse a lot? >> Sure.

Have you ever played on the Ouija board? >> Nope. I’ve never even seen one in person, except for seeing the box in a store or something.

Do you sleepwalk? >> No.

Have you ever slept on the floor before? >> Yeah, I did for years. I should probably have worse spinal alignment or something now, but I guess them’s the perks of doing shit like that while I was still young.

Are you a fan of public displays of affection? >> I don’t do well with physical affection whether in public or not, so, you know.

When did you last attend a yard sale? >> A couple of years ago?

Do you wish your life were simpler or more interesting? >> I like the level of simplicity I’m at right now.

What goals do you wish to accomplish tomorrow? >> ---

When is your birthday? >> 28 May.

Which is worse: going blind or deaf? >> How would I know, I haven’t experienced either.

What was the best part of today? >> Visiting a mutual’s house in FFXIV, signing the guestbook, and then turning around and there was her character (and her girlfriend’s character) right behind me, lmao. We didn’t get to chat long because their dungeon queue popped, but it was still nice.

Do you attempt to stay away from drama? >> I don’t have to stay away from it, it’s never anywhere near me in the first place.

What liquid did you last drink? >> Gose.

Do you ever prefer to be alone? >> Often.

Have you ever had a deadly animal as a pet? >> No.

Favorite Disney movies >> Lilo & Stitch, Moana, and Hunchback of Notre Dame.

Have you ever been to the beach? >> Sure.

If you have, how many times have you been? >> Like... a few dozen? I don’t know.

What was your dream occupation at age ten? >> ---

Are you terrified at the idea of weight-gain? >> I don’t know if terrified is the right word, exactly, but something similar to that.

Do you drink a lot of water? >> Not a lot. I drink when I feel thirsty, and that just isn’t that often? I don’t know. Maybe I’m not good at recognising thirst cues, that’s a possibility.

Does your room have carpet or hard-wood floors? >> Carpet.

Do you take naps daily? >> No.

Who were you named after? >> I wasn’t named after anyone.

Do you plan on traveling this spring or summer? >> Well, we had planned...

Do you know anyone who is colorblind? >> Maybe?

Have you ever been a teacher’s pet? >> When I was a child, I guess, because I was precocious and nerdy and adults are obsessed with that sort of thing for some reason.

What is your absolute favorite hobby? >> *shrug* What’s a hobby.

How many times a day do you brush your teeth? >> One, provided I remember and have the executive function.

Ever been to a tanning bed before? >> No.

Are you satisfied with your financial stability? >> No matter what, I still have more financial stability than I did when I was literally penniless and living on the street, so I can deal.

Who is your favorite actor / actress? >> When it comes to people I’m always excited to see in a movie, Javier Bardem is one.

Are your nails painted? >> Nope.

What’s the meanest thing you’ve ever said to someone? >> I don’t know, I’ve said a lot of mean things.

Do you ever accidentally talk to inanimate objects? >> Not accidentally, no. I do it on purpose, because it pleases me.

What’s your favorite flavor of ice cream? >> Vanilla bean and matcha are the only flavours I actually like and don’t just. tolerate.

Have you ever kissed someone of the same gender? >> I don’t think I’ve ever kissed another agender person.

Do you receive any hate mail? >> No.

Have you ever sent a letter in the mail? >> When I was a kid.

If you could, would you have a pen pal? >> I don’t think I’d make a good penpal.

What color are the pants you’re wearing? >> Black with lime green print.

Have you ever had a stalker? >> No.

What is your life philosophy? >> I don’t have one.

Who last sent you a goodnight text message? >> ---

Do you own any clothes that are your favorite color? >> I don’t own any gold clothing, no.

Have you ever been in a hot tub before? >> I tried a hot tub once, at Easton Mountain. Five seconds in, I felt faint and like my heart was going to burst out of my chest, so I had to get out.

What’s your favorite comedy movie? >> Blazing Saddles and The Producers come to mind.

In which year were you born? >> 1987.