#like people are allowed to talk about it i cant believe im even saying this like obviously anyone can talk abt anything and i dont WANT

[nsomniacsdream]

I have a hard time talking about American law enforcement, because I have ptsd (like a therapist told me this and everything) from my own experiences with cops and because it's so balls quaking insane.

Like, a cop in the United States can pull you over for any reason. Which is a nice way of saying no reason, because literally anything can be used after the fact as justification. A cop can say its cuz you looked at him, or didnt look at him, or it looked like you were holding something, or looked like you were driving too perfectly for it to be natural. It's insane.

There are apparently no circumstances where a cop can't just kill you. The line the courts have applied is "reasonably believed" you were a threat, but that's such a nebulous nothing limit that people get shot for reaching for their license, having their phone in their hand, you're running away with no weapon, not being able to follow conflicting commands, like anything. And cops are almost never charged, because every court is going to believe he could "reasonably believe" he was threatened. Fuck, if you give me enough time, I can make any situation seem juuuuust plausibly threatening enough to pass that bar. It's insane.

A cop can just rob you. Like tell you to give him your wallet, take all the cash out, and just walk away with it. Exactly like you would imagine getting robbed in an alley would go, except no one can help. And he doesn't even have to hide it, he just drops it in a box at the station and they put it in their bank account. It's legal. You can't prove it wasn't drug money. I can't prove any money wasn't at some point drug money. It's insane.

If a cop just walks in your front door and says "I'm here to kill you and your entire family" YOU ARE GOING TO PRISON IF YOU STOP HIM. There is no positive defense for assaulting a police officer in the United States, and doubly so if you kill him. You have effectively no defense against a homicidal cop, which happens same as any other job. Unless for some reason you have cameras all thru your house and clearly caught the audio of him saying that he's there just to kill you, you have zero chance of not going to prison, probably for life. And that's assuming you aren't killed "resisting arrest" while being taken into custody. It is a crime, in this country, for you to defend yourself under any circumstances if the person you're defending yourself from is a cop. That's insane.

You don't have civil rights if a cop says so. You have the right to have a gun, right? A lot of states have open carry. A cop can shoot you if he sees you have a gun. Doesn't matter if you have a license and everything. So you effectively don't have the right to bear arms if a cop can shoot you for exercising it. You have the right to protest. Unless a cop tells you to stop. He doesn't need a real reason to tell you to stop. And if you don't stop, you can be arrested or shot. So you don't really have the right to protest, do you? A cop cant just search your car or house, right? Unless he claims he heard something, or smelled something, neither of which can be proven. So a cop can search whatever he wants, as long as he pretends there was a "reason". So you dont have protection from unreasonable search and seizure, do you? These are no longer rights- they're things the cops allow.. for now. But legally, those rights have already been found to not actually be rights, because any random cop can decide to take that right from you, for any reason. It's insane.

These aren't like crazy things that I'm just making up, these aren't some weird twisted way I'm looking at something, these are all very real things that we all just.. ignore? Police abolitionists and the media bring these things up all the time, and the overwhelming response to it is: so what? Don't break the law and it won't matter. Blue lives matter. More police funding. Cops should have tanks. It's insane. And I always feel like im just rambling and sound insane when I say this kind of stuff because if you wrote a book and had the dystopian government doing the stuff that the police in this country do every single day, those same people who "back the blue" would line up to say stuff like "*Books government* wouldnt have a chance before us real americans stopped them" on twitter and not even get a hint of the irony.

[icarusredwings]

i *live* for your agere wade omg 😢🙏🏻 i also age regress there's just something about your favorite character being like you that makes me smile :) your writing is absolutely wonderful as well!! :3

Hi hon, Im so proud of you for doing what's good for you, and I am so happy that you've found something to enjoy that makes you feel good about yourself.

Thank you so much for the support. I've seen more people mention how excited they were to find cute, mild, and nonnsexual regressions for Wade, so I've decided to put it on A03 for more people to enjoy.

I actually was nervous about posting them in general because of the stigma around it but seeing how supportive you all have been (I dont know why im even shocked) it's made me a little more confident in my writing. I was abused quite a bit as a child, and while I don't regress, I do have a special attachment to my stuffed animals and find comfort in kids' shows. Annnddd, as someone who was working towards becoming a geneticist? It's comforting to know that some very intelligent and successful people also do.

While you're waiting for me to write more or upload to A03, have some HCs:

Depending on what's going on, he fluctuates between 5-8.

Wade has 3 caregivers, Al, Vanessa, and Logan. He loves them all so much but certian care givers are for certain things. Al (Mama) is he goes too for booboos, Ness (Mommy) is who takes him out the most, to the park and doctors (If things get too out of hand, she can pull the "He's my disabled son you bastard" card, and Logan (Kitty) is general. The one youll find when wade is casually colouring or playing tea party with.

He'll take "sippies" but hes a bit too old for them because he chews the tops off.

Cereal, mac and cheese, pizza, bassically anything he already eats as an adult, including spicy tacos.

He doesn't have a lot of toys (and if he does, they're from a give away or a dumpster) so is very possesive of them and will instantly get upset if you try to take them away or "hurt" them.

Wade is the type to just chill with you on the couch and eat snacks if you don't have the energy to play or take him to the park. Even as a child, he was very emotionally intelligent, and it shows.

Most kids would have tantrums, but he seems to either be understanding or go cry in silence while isolated (its what hes used too)

As much as people say he's a potty mouth, I don't see it. Not yet anyway. Sure he'll say "bad words" sometimes but as someone whos used to being screamed at to shut up all the time, I believe he talks so much as an adult BECAUSE he wasn't allowed as a kid so he's more of an observer unless you are unfortunately his favorite and then hes going to tell you random facts.

Oftentimes, the "perfect child" are ones that are independent, quiet, and who monitor their emotions/ actions around other kids and adults. This means being forced to act older than you actually are, walking on eggshells around adults and trying to do things by himself.

He likes to wear clothes that are too big for him rather then tight. (Bonus points if they're a hoodie or a sweater)

He likes baths and sometimes will tell you that his "Skin hurts" when really it's just itchy/peeling/ needs lotion.

He's not big on babytalk but "puppy" "mama" "mommy" "park?" "Kitty scratch bad guys" "I watch tv?" "Go home?" "Play horses?" Are common. Its either small unfinished sentneces or endless rambling with full sentences that repeat themself. Logan has once heard "Did you know-?" 30 times once all in 10 minutes

He has a stuffy of a Wolverine named Fluffy from Kitty, a unicorn named Buttercream from Mommy, and a bear shaped dog toy from Mama. In her defense she didn't know it was a dog toy (because shes blind and cant read duh) but Wade loves it more that it squeaks.

Because kidWade (He is "NOT little", he's a "Big boy") is bigger than them, he has issues playing a little... rough... with other kids. He has infact shoved a kid into the sand while playing tag.

Wade is very erm... possesive.. over his caregivers and will act out if he believes Kitty is ignoring him. Because of their history, hes even more prone to acting out with Ness and has gone as far as telling someone they looked like a burnt quesodilla that "had a baby with a wrinkled cucumber" before (and will do it again)

Flappy hands. Giggles. Screeches. That is all that needs to be said.

Wade likes music, arts, and crafts. Physical exercise is nice too but naps are needed afterwards.

Naps must be willing. If you tell him to go take a nap he'll just stomp his feet and cry that hes "being good" so "doesn't need one" bassically, naps are punishment.

Tw for sensitive topics such as mental and physical health

The worst part about having Wade isn't that he is a "brat" or "bad", no infact wade barley ever is a brat. He's very people pleasing because he just wants as much affection as possible. it's the fact that you can't trick him or keep him from doing something. He's too smart.

"Come on baby, we're going to the park"

"Yay!!- wait.... Mommy... Mommy the park is that way...Mommy this is how you go to the mean doctors! They're gonna rip my teeth out!"

It's even HARDER to care for a kid who can escape literally anything and can run all the way home if you upset him too badly. The only thing really you can do is call a different cg and double up on the reassurance. (And maybe a bribe)

Another thing is that just because he's in this headspace doesn't mean his issues are gone. Between the nightmares, the flashbacks, the scary hallucinations that he can't understand, intrusive thoughts about harming a person, impusive thoughts, and just straight up having to deal with cancer on top of it all, etc.

Do you know how hard it is to explain to a child that they're nauseous and exhausted because the cells inside of him are eating the other cells, dying, and healing all at the same time?

[charlesoberonn]

just saw your cult post and i wanna add something a bit controversial? (probably not for this website tho but yk)

im from a religious country in the middle east, and until i was like 16 i hadnt heard the word "cult" and i had no idea what it was.

when i looked into it and read about it tho, i realized that islam (the religion of my country) IS a cult. and then i went around online asking my other ex-religious friends about what they think and some also told me that they think their religion was a cult too. and no im not talking about like obviously culty religions (mormons, evangelists, etc), im talking about whats considered the norm for a religion to be practiced. whether it be islam, christianity, or any other one.

i started wondering why not ALL religions count as cults when they literally fit the bill to a tea, and tbh the best explanation i found was that, they ARE cults but they are so old, have so many members, and are so entangled with our cultures that people just accept them.

i told this to someone who was an atheist herself and even she got defensive and said that its not okay to call peoples religions cults "if its not hurting anyone" so i dont say it to anyone because i dont want to be an asshole and i accept everyone no matter what religion yk?

but that all being said, i still wholeheartedly believe that ALL religions are cults (im talking about organized religions tho btw. like native people having their religions is a completely different thing that i cant comment on because i dont have enough information about those)

i think that if you are in any religion then you are in a cult and you should leave, i know its controversial, but it is what i think yk?

I see where you're coming from but I think this is dangerously reductive.

The problem is that you're thinking in terms of a 'cult-not cult' binary that doesn't work to describe the nuance of real life groups.

What makes a cult are the methods of control they use on their members. A cult, or high-control group, will use extreme and predatory methods to try to control their members as much as possible.

The difference between a religious cult (for there are non-religious cults) and religion is the level of control and the harmfulness of the methods the group utilizes.

I don't know about what religion is like in your country, but not all religious groups are high-control groups. Many of them don't try to control or exploit their members.

By equating all religions to cults you're not only making accusations of harm against groups that don't deserve it, you're also muddying the distinctions for people, allowing actually harmful groups to pass themselves off as harmless.

[connorsblog]

you're gone, but im still here. | c.g

genre : angst

summary : after carls death, you feel lost.

warning : hallucinations & semi-graphic gore description

do not continue reading if you have not seen 8x09 !! spoilers ahead

i sat infront of carls grave, the mere dirt pile was all rick and michonne could do while alexandria was burning down to the ground.

a pang went to my heart as i ran my fingers over the ashed dirt. it was a mix of grey and brown now, just reminding me all over again how my home burnt down.

"i shouldve been able to save you," my voice cracks as i attempt to talk to carl. it doesnt work very well.

i try to talk again, but all that comes out is a cracked "sorry." it wasnt enough and i knew it.

i tried to focus on the background sounds, but the soft chirps of the cicadas didn't suffice for carls voice.

i tried to imagine him there, sitting next to me in silence and holding my head on his shoulder.

i guess i imagined too far, as when i turned around he was there. in 3d.

"carl?" my voice came out soft and broken.

"you don't have to be sad," he got straight to his point. almost like he was about to disappear any moment.

"i died to save someone. he's going to be good for the community," he continued, "his name is siddiq."

i guess i forgot about him, since he hadnt been here very long. i had seen him maybe once, maybe twice?

"it's not your fault i died," not even allowing me to talk before starting up again, "it's not your fault."

he kept saying that but some part of me, buried deep inside of me, thought otherwise.

"it is my fault," came out without my consent. i didnt want to speak, i wanted to relish in his voice and presence until i couldnt see his face anymore.

he gripped my wrist. some part of me wanted to rip away and continue to believe he was dead. but he was right there, in front of my face.

i began to talk again, but as quick as he came he left. nothing was there besides the dirt mound.

i heard ricks gravely voice from somewhere behind me. i ignored it, hoping, somehow that carl would come back.

forty-six beats of silence later, i felt a hand on my shoulder. bristly cold.

shortly after, i realized it was carl again.

i didn't speak, not that he'd let me, and waited for him to say something.

"siddiq is good people, you know," he lifts his head a bit, finally allowing me to see his gaping gunshot wound in his head. but it wasnt bleeding, just a void of flesh that was on the side of his head.

i resisted the urge to scream, that all-too-familiar pang in my heart back. plus, if i did scream.. i'd look crazy. nobody was there, right?

"you'll be okay without me," he continues. i didnt know why he continued to talk, i hadnt said anything for the past few minutes.

"are you sure?" i finally spoke up. my throat hurt from the words, they felt like lava bubbling up and threatening to blow any second.

"i'm sure," he whispered before his eye closed and he disappeared for the last time.

"i dont want to live without you. but i will anyway," i sigh out as i brush my fingers over his grave for the last time for a while. i cant mourn him for too long.

[esoteriamaya]

12th house and the inner alchemist

I notice people with this placement become deeply aware of what frequencies they want to be around. Like if you want something that is more 'jolly, fun, and whimsical' you might search for it in your mind , and then you start to find it in your body. It starts with the spirit first, then you go into meditation to connect with this energy through the art of imagination. That 'jolly, fun, whimsical energy' could end up taking you to a cool coffee shop, end up taking you into a colorful shop with weird looking food , or hell may take you to the circus ! because what youre looking for is the feeling/energy not the 'thing' itself.

I love to say 12th housers are like the boy in this book called 'The Alchemist', where he wanted to look for a treasure to make all his dreams come true, ends up going on a long journey before he finally finds the treasure that was in his hometown all along. In the end he realized what he wanted wasnt about the treasure, the treasure was a symbol to what he wanted to do in his reality which he eventually did without the treasure itself. The treasure is the idea of the energy he wanted in his life, not the thing itself.

Because the imagination brings things to us, and all though we aren't able to explain exactly what it is we are looking for, we go into meditative states to jump into this reality (manifestation) and then follow it with our bodies. And one by one, piece by piece, we enter into the worlds of our psyche through the physical reality.

One thing I can say about 12th housers, you have to let go of the IDEA because it is just that, an IDEA. it is useful for when you are looking for the spirit/energy of the thing you are looking for.

Also since I brought up the alchemist. The story was about making a way for yourself no matter what obstacles you go through, no matter if you dont have that 'thing' you need to get there. You create your reality as you go.

the boy had a simple intention to go find this treasure because he believed it would allow him stop talk taking care of sheep (he was a sheep boy), he could travel all around the world, find a wife, and live the life of his dreams. He evidently did all of that without the treasure! He made a way without even thinking of it, because he knew since he had left his hometown and the sheep there was no other choice but to make something happen!

I believe 12th housers have that inner alchemist inside them, which is why they are so good at painting, drawing, and whatever other art you can name cause its a lot (lol).

12th housers are great at using these things to attract what they want in their life, they follow the frequency/energy knowingly and unknowingly. I call them he universes messengers because they rely messages to the collective without having to explain to us whats the message.

I notice 12th house individuals show this with their music. like I said with frequency a lot of them know the type of energy they wish to convey in their songs because thats the vibe they want to keep with them as they journey through life.

think of sza, a fellow 12th houser with 4 planets (venus,uranus, saturn, and neptune) and she is known to connect to a certain frequency that sounds like 'fairies, sirens, and anything magical' (im honestly referring to ctrl and her older works from 2013/14)

It can also be a 'curse' one type sza tweeted how singing 'supermodel' off her ctrl album 'summoned' the guy she was talking about in the song.

12th house rules over the subconscious, so sometimes your art can attract what you dont want to you. you have to move around it, learn how to use it as a repellant as it can attract fleas (I say this about pisces/neptune peeps a lot, y'all do tend to attract flies).

using your mind to control your reality can be mastered if you continue to heal the shadow. your shadow is just what you've been accustomed to believe that it is shameful, and cant be seen in the light.

the shadow is who you are, dont be ashamed and run from it.

blessings to all my 12th house individuals you guys have a wonderful gift inside that interesting brain of yours! keep it up.

[st4rrth0ughts]

sometimes you really don't make sense man

you say "sometimes i like reading darkfic" you enjoy when u got some non-con stories send and then say "thats disgusting check their hard drives

you're ok with the occasional r*pe but incest is your limit. YOUR limit

im not a hater because im not into incest either but the hypocrisy of calling people out and then talking about enjoying something just as bad (even though i believe r*ape is worse that incest)

incest is my limit because i have 3 younger sibings of my own... why do i feel like your trying to say just because i dabble in occasional r4pe fics (maybe others?? man idk atp) im not allowed to NOT like incest?

actually, yeah, your weird, are you REALLY trying to tell me i cant have MY boundaries with dark fanfiction? Your not a hater i get it, but this is MY boundary, so leave and never come back

and i do NOT glorifty r4pe, so dont try and fucking come at me for that, r4pe, underage s3x, and inc3st is one of the many things that should NEVER be glorified, i read because im interested and with an open mind, sometimes i dont enjoy the content at all

[kysuguru]

you REPLIED IM SO HAPPY😭😭🤞 btw the fact that suguru AND satoru are both her love interests im so HAPPY stsg for the WIN!!! i love how suguru and shoko automatically know what satoru is implying cause hes so so OBVIOUS!

i cant imagine the troubles suguru and satoru would have with reader.. shes so enduring and she allows them to do whatever because shes too sweet! ofc shes serious when the time comes down to it but i just know she takes the two lightly and cares too highly of their opinions to really say no to them. i 100% know suguru is worst when it comes to teasing her. in this universe i want to believe suguru does not deflect so he stays there w them. although reader probably does not realize the two actually is in love with her, she probably assumes they are with each other so she does not want to intrude.

what if shoko and reader were discussing about first dates and she finds out reader never had her first anything and sets her up with one? maybe rin or shin?! LOL and behold satoru and suguru being menaces and completely mean to her . the trouble they would cause to the way they would be so upset. reader actually enjoyed her first date but shes confused why stsg are so upset over her. they always teased her for not having a bf and when she does try theyre even more ruthless?? bc in reality to stsg they always thought she belonged to them and they’re actually in shock that shoko would do that knowing about their crushes on reader? (cue shoko laughing in the background)

i love these asks smmm😭 tysm for sending. and ur right!! i have chapter one and two written and posted on my ao3, but suguru doesn’t defect, i cant allow that. and yes… stsg are sooo annoying when it comes to jealousy. like they are so suffocating..

this is new, very new.

it was a brief conversation, so mundane you wouldn’t bother to remember it unless brought up. shoko asked a simple question. “you ever been on a date before?” after talking about her horrible experiences with lousy men. it was an easy answer, “no.”

and you thought it’d end there. of course it’s normal for girls your age to go on dates with other people, experience the life of romance at a young age, but it wasn’t odd to meet a girl your age who hadn’t been on a date. so you weren’t sure why shoko put you up to this.

rin sits across you with a beaming smile, the fluorescents of the cafe highlighting his freckles. you fiddle with the warm cup of coffee in front of you. you weren’t much of a coffee person, but you panicked and ordered the first thing on the menu. it was bitter, terribly so, you weren’t sure whether you’d prefer this or satoru’s cups of diabetes.

you sip on it occasionally, to make yourself look engaged. you hope your poker face has improved, you’d be humiliated if the bitterness on your tongue manifested itself onto your expression (rin noticed, but felt too awkward to speak up).

it’s weird, and you try pretending this wasn’t set up at a romantic date.

you like rin, he’s really nice, but you’d never even imagined him romantically.

he’s beaming at you, you think he’s blushing, and he looks as if he’s in a daze with his cheek resting on his palm. the look of adoration is so shell shocking you’re gazing around the cafe at other customers he might be looking at.

you chalk it up to excitement of being in such a nice place.

conversation with him is easy though, you realize.

it’s unlike satoru or suguru. suguru’s a listener, unlike satoru who’s a talker. they fit in so well with one another it makes it hard to fit in. you don’t mind that, watching from afar is enough for you. but you still yearn.

maybe that’s why shoko did this in the first place. to get your mind off of them. you suppose it wouldn’t be bad to broaden your spectrum, you needed more friends anyway. you couldn’t always hang onto shoko, suguru, and satoru forever.

hours pass, and before either of you know it, the sun sets.

rin was full of stories, he had so much to tell about kyoto, his classmates, and his missions. he was so fond of it all that you couldn’t bear to stop him. it was nice listening to someone on the same level as you. not that you disliked listening to satoru boast about his missions and how awesomely strong he was, but it was a nice change of pace to hear such things come from someone of your caliber.

you could get used to this.

your entering the school with a content face. you feel them both before you see them.

satoru drapes himself onto you, talking obnoxiously loud in your ear as suguru sends you a soft smile. your company with rin was wonderful, but you didn’t realize how much you missed your favorite people until you see their visages.

“where were you at for so long?” suguru asks calmly, though there’s a hint of something else you can’t really decipher. maybe suspicion.

“shoko set me up on a date with rin.” you say sheepishly, scratching your cheek.

they both freeze, you can feel the way satoru’s breath stutters as his hold gets loose. you look up at them both, brows raised.

…

it’s so silent. was it something you said? were they perhaps upset you didn’t say anything? did they want to tag along? you would’ve said yes immediately.

“rin from kyoto?” satoru whispers, and you think he sounds angry. you can’t fathom why, so you try and brush if off. even though there’s a seed of dread starting to grow in the pit of your stomach.

“yes... shoko said something about chemistry. whatever that means!” you chuckle nervously.

satoru let’s you go, backing away. now you’re worried.

“i-is something wrong?” you look up at suguru for assistance but he’s turned his head.

you shuffle your feet, anxious. they’re obviously upset, but you don’t know why. “did i do something?” that’s the only thing you could think of. or did they not like rin? he was a nice guy, so you wouldn’t understand why.

satoru rubs your head, startling you.

“it’s nothing, sweets,” he says.

but he’s walking off before you can speak any further, he makes a point not to let you see his face as he departs. suguru gives you a strained smile before he’s following. “night,” he mutters.

and even though satoru reassured you, that seed of dread continued to grow.

satoru and suguru are busy. satoru hasn’t asked for your notes in awhile. you wanna assume that he’s got it down until you hear him loudly bugging suguru for his notebook. your heart drops at the fact that satoru just hasn’t asked you. you don’t know why that hurts, it shouldn’t. maybe suguru just conveys the answer better, there’s nothing wrong with that.

they go out for lunch, leaving you and shoko in the empty cafeteria with your cold noodles. shoko’s great company, of course, but the lack of satoru’s loud voice and suguru’s scolding makes it feel eerily quiet.

nights in the common room have shrunk to just you and shoko. it’s been like this for a few days. only a few days. yet you feel as if these days are dragging on slower than usual. shoko notices, and rolls her eyes, muttering under her breath how pathetic boys could be.

you think she’s spoken to them, for they look at you a little more now. but they barely talk to you unless the situation calls for it, even then, they’re awkward.

but it isn’t until shoko has been in high demand after a dangerous mission that the first years came back from that you’re alone with them. you’re nervous, feeling their eyes trained on you. you don’t dare make contact.

they begin talking to each other, and you feel joy consume you at the familiarity of it. you’re looking up now, making eye contact with the both of them. satoru opens his mouth, but you intervene.

“i’m sorry!”

their eyes are wide.

“i’m sorry for whatever i did. it’s just.. you guys feel distant. if it’s because of me then—”

“i should say sorry,” your eyes flit up to suguru’s as he scratches his neck sheepishly. “i was being childish.” he speaks into his palm. “we were being childish.” he corrects himself, eyes glaring into satoru’s, who huffs and crosses his arms.

“so it was something i did?” your brows knit as a frown etched itself onto your lips.

“it’s more complicated than that,” suguru says. but you’re not convinced.

satoru mutters something under his breath, you catch nothing but rin’s name. so you ask him to repeat himself.

“i just don’t like rin, is all.”

you blink.

“d-did he do something?” you needed to know, if he hurt or insulted suguru or satoru in any way you were ready to break it off—

“no. not exactly, we just… don’t like you being alone with him,” suguru admits, flushed.

oh!

you felt relief fill your chest.

“i think i know now.” you smile, happily. they stare. they both lean slightly forward, anticipating. “if i ever go out with him again i’ll invite you both out!” you clap your hands together.

they were upset that they weren’t invited along. that makes sense. you’re relieved. satoru did eye that cafe whenever you three passed it.

they share a look, one of amusement and one of exasperation.

“such a ditz,” satoru grumbles.

“we’d like that,” suguru smiles.

you’re happy, so happy you could cry tears of relief.

“i’m glad, i thought you were both gonna hate me forever.”

suguru grabs your hand, caressing your palm, your heartbeat spikes. “that’d never happen.”

satoru scoots closer to you and drapes himself over your shoulders, the familiar action has your cheeks hurting from how big you’re smiling. he squishes his cheek against yours, rubbing softly as he speaks, “never go out alone with rin again, okay? you need at least me or suguru there, not even shoko’s enough!”

they will never forget how she betrayed them so.

“of course,” you exhale, joyful.

and yes, abt stsg ur also right! this is kinda a poly thing. stsg love each other and the reader

[carpedzem]

hi

under the cut i want to talk a little bit, maybe overshare as well. ill try to keep it short (rereading nat here. i didnt). its a sad post, might make some of you angry but not for the reasons you think

i was staying away on purpose, but a few people asked about me so i wanted to let you know that hey, im lurking, im waiting to see what happens. maybe some things will change in the future but im putting it out here so its all in one place

i think i want to start with saying thank you again for sticking around, supporting my art and my thoughts and having discussions with me. i really opened up about myself and what I created here. im very anxious person and it influences my life on every level, so being heard, seeing people laughing at my jokes, loving my art has been so so important to me

about the situation, the gogcident if you will, i logged out as soon as i saw things going down and been getting updates though different source. and while situation is still on going and i dont know where it will go, as how it ends, theres two or three things im firm on that will always be true for me:

i really hate how believe all victims turns into believe everyone who speaks first, no matter what they say, no matter context, no matter proof. the first statement made in this case was untrue in a lot of important details and while i dont think caitis feeling are wrong or invalid i think her first statement made this situation into something it isnt. i think every victim should be heard but attacking everyone who was accused right away is not a solution

i do believe that everyone who was accused of anything has every right to defend themselves. the way its constantly taken away from dteam is not lost on me and its insane and upsetting

you can be traumatized by the events that werent in its core meant to be traumatizing. sometimes people act shitty and leave scars on you and sometimes you can do the same to other people

edited note bc i want this to be here as well: guilty until proven innocent is a crazy mindset and i cannot imagine situation that i would allow it. some idiots dont even realise how dangerous rhetoric that is. including accusers not being obligated to provide any proof of their claims

twt is the worst thing to deal with any discourse, misunderstanding or any delicate situation. i think no ones there cares for any victims period. i wish that place the worst

okay so what now. i havent decided yet. georges and dreams moves so far confirmed for me that no matter what happened it wasnt with malicious intentions. ill wait to see how this plays out and then ill decide about my next steps. one think i did for sure is i uninstalled twt from my phone (and that already bit my ass the moment dream started his space…) that part of fandom, both people who like (liked?) and hate dream is so damn self-destructive, toxic, manipulative and performative it wasnt worth it anymore. for here, i dont know yet. i dont hate dteam, i think this is very unfortunate and sad and complicated situation that left people very deeply hurt. and i wish it wasnt this way and im pretty sure dteam also wish that. but they cant change it and i cant change it even more

now this is something i dont really know how to tell you but let me try. i never mentioned this bc when i had those realizations, it was too late, everyone moved on and i felt stupid for dwelling on this. i feel stupid now, typing this. the thing is, drituation left me quite traumatized. fucking pathetic, i know. the sudden explosion of fandom left me really badly hurt. i lost a lot of people i genuinely believed to be friends with, and i miss them dearly. i felt, fuck it, still feel deeply betrayed by some of them. i dont want people guess who is who thats not the point, those people moved on long time ago. but that hurt has been really difficult to deal with, especially since realistically i know its quite stupid. crying over some people who were following me back for a few months? but i tried to let myself heal and grow love for this community again and i thought we will be okay. drituation felt like the end of the world but we got through it and I thought we are smarter. and well. im not trying to blame anyone or even a whole community, idk maybe i want to blame the universe for putting me here or society for working this way i dont know. but im hurting and i need to find a better way to deal with things going the wrong way. and it deeply upsets me but im afraid that i have to learn how to love you all less. and i honestly dont know yet what that means, how moving forward will look like. i dont have to make this decision now so i let myself stay away from social media for a while still and then go with presented situation the best i can. i dont try to make anyone responsible for my wellbeing i want to make this clear. im just trying to share my feelings and give you context for whatever happen in the nearest future. no matter what i need more healthy relationship not even with ccs but with community itself (and if you see me rebloging hazbin hotel fanarts. spare me...)

in this place i do want to state that no matter what i dont think dteam are bad people. im not closing myself at possibility of participating in the fandom, probably less though things i mentioned earlier. but if any of those things make you uncomfortable in any way, feel free to unfollow/softblock

im leaving my askbox open if anyone has anything to say, add, or idk, scream at me. not sure if i answer any tho. also if i delete this post in the next 10 minutes out of embarrassment then well, haha

on the final note i want once again thank you all for supporting me when i needed help for my cat. you all did something amazing, something i will never forget and i wish to hug everyone of you in person. thank you

see you around. one day. maybe tomorrow maybe in 10 days. idk

and if you are moving on in different direction, if we ever meet again, dont be a stranger

[creeperchild]

Okay about the asks

I have a few ground rules that I thought that are understandable, but I suppose I need to lay them on the table here. I make this blog because my love and appreciation of the cult of the lamb game/books/content. But some asks makes me scratch my head why and how you guys think about stuff. I have some points that really bother me and I think every ask blog thinks the same about that.

Spamming: I know I have a bunch of ask and people can get excited to have their question answered. But spamming me with the same question over and over again for the hope to get picked is really not smart. It doesn't matter if you asked them a few months apart. I will notice it (looking at you shamura-back-kicker.) I am no robot that picks ask by random chance. I pick them on how I see fits.

Forcing your opinion on me and my au: I know my au can be whack but it is my au. Of course I am all ears when you guys have some super cool ideas. But forcing, for example, the idea in that Freddy, my sona, is funtime freddy and ALL the other sister location cast need to be in there is complete rude. Freddy is his own character. so no bonbon and stuff! It also happened with religion. No, the old faith would destroy every non believer, I am sorry. I would not allow my blog to be covered in religious/politics and other worldly issues that we have here. I just wanna draw frog and cute comics maaan.

Lude questions: I know that you may like a character from my cast and trying to get some fanservice here, but asking that weird stuff and stuff that downright is nsfw is NOT allowed. No, I am not drawing Heket in a lude position for you. Go touch grass. I know that I draw buffmura but usually it is just for the fun of it. BUT I WILL NOT DRAW HEKET GIVING BIRTH! Like, are you nuts? (and yes that question got asked 3 times)

AND BOY THAT PERSON THAT MENTION THAT GAIA LOOKS HOT WHEN SHE GETS OLDER!!!!!!! I HOPE YOU KNOW THAT YOUR ANONYMITY DOESN'T HIDE STUFF FROM ME!! GO GET SOME HELP, CREEP! SHE IS ONE YEAR! A TODDLER! SHE CANT EVEN SPEAK!!!

ahem. That also counts in my comments. I dont know who you are and how old you are, but it makes me a bit uncomfy to lust after the cast. Like, you can say they are pretty but don't say stuff that you gonna have intercourse with them and what way.

Asking your oc to be in my story: This one is a more tame one. I get it that some of you guys like my art and look up at me. And well who doesn't like free art?? But I can't just answer them, because it's mostly characters that has somehow a connection with the bishops in some way (example: leshys child or a spouse) and that will destroy the natural flow of my story. I have characters of my partner and my best friends in there because we talk about what goes where. So it doesnt work like that with strangers characters and sometimes you just expect me to find a ref sheet of them on your blog too? If you want art from me than I prefer to do an art trade or something.

Potential character interactions are okay in dms or in the comments tho!

Please follow these rules and we are in the clear. I am getting tired of this and I wont hesitate to confront your butt and potentially block you! Yes even the anonym ones can be blocked too! That means, no more stuff for you, bucko!

Thank you guys for understanding by the way. Im just getting frustrated on how some people overstep boundaries of mine.

[kienansidhe]

the thing is for a long long time i did subscribe to the idea that transfems have it the worst of all of us and that transmascs do have systemic power over transfems, and im still not sure i dont believe it? however.

the transandrophobia/transmisandry/whatever you wanna call it blogs that i follow specifically clarify over and over and over that they are not trying to say transmisogyny doesnt exist, or to make it a contest of whos most oppressed, or to say trans women have systemic power over trans men, or anything of the sort, they have made that disclaimer so many times and yet over the years i have seen that making that disclaimer does not help.

if transmascs speak up abt transphobia, we are bombarded with harassment and willful misinterpretation of our words. no matter how many disclaimers, no matter how much we keep the conversation to our own posts, no matter how many steps we take to avoid taking space away from transfems, we still get these accusations of transmisogyny, just for talking about our own lived experiences.

we shouldnt have to grovel and beg other queer people to allow us to talk about the oppression we experience. we shouldnt have to couch it in 500 disclaimers, and even when we do people try to silence us.

im absolutely not blaming this on transfems, btw. many of the most supportive ppl on this site who boost transmasc voices are transfems who are incredibly kind and wonderful and smart people. the transfems who are radfemmy and separatist are not any more representative of transfems in general than the transmascs who are radfemmy and separatist are representative of transmascs in general. i suspect most of the problem are cis ppl. i know many are fellow transmascs who either pass and dont experience the problems most of us face, or else have been taught that in order to be good allies to transfems they have to disavow their siblings who are still fighting to be heard, like its a zero sum game and they have to pick sides.

maybe transfems do have it unequivocally worse, full stop. im not rlly that smart or good at interpreting data and different people tell me different things and if i think too much abt it i start spiraling. but i dont like that so many people on this site take transmascs talking abt our struggles as an inherent attack on transfems. thats that part i rlly dont understand. thats why i keep asking why we cant just get along. why cant these discussions happen in parallel?

if someone tells me transfems have it worse, sure, that doesnt bother me to accept and be aware of and take into consideration in how i live my life. but when people tell me transfems have it worse, therefore transmascs should shut up? thats incomprehensible to me. thats just transphobia.

[nr1chaedickrider]

finally.. the long awaited doughnut theory of mine, before i start im gonna tell yall that a theory isnt smth canon, and everyone sees it differently. so this is my theory!

Music videos you need to watch so it makes sense: Doughnut, Kura Kura, Better

-

Better MV

Since this mv only has one scene that in my opinion fits my theory im gonna do it first (pls watch the mv before reading this, the scene is with dahyun rather in the end)

So we all know that the better mv was released wayyy before doughnut, but there is this one scene with dahyun that i first havent even noticed when i watched the mv, but the second i saw it i knew somehow that it fits my theory well.

Im talking about the scene where dahyun puts her finger over her mouth, in a way to maybe signal us to be quiet?

But why should we be quiet? Is smth gonna happen years after the mv? What is she planning on doing?

Doughnut MV

obviously, this mv is the most important. again, please watch it before reading this part. (im gonna try and keep it short)

Very important is the guy in the mv, pay attention to who he meets (Tzuyu's phone call doesnt count, ill explain later)

Members that met the guy: Nayeon, Jeongyeon, Momo, Sana, Chaeyoung.

All the members i have just mentioned are dead.

Killed by the guy, I dont really know why he did that.

"But Tzuyu called him!" Yes he called him, but you cant realistically kill someone over a telephone call.

Now to the most important people: Dahyun, Jihyo and Mina (Tzuyu is important too, but she doesnt play a big role in the doughnut mv)

Dahyun and jihyo:

These two have smth going on in the mv its weird, maybe its jealousy, maybe something else im not sure. But what im sure about is that Dahyun murdered Jihyo.

You can see that in the scene where Dahyun does the finger pistol thing and Jihyo falls down on the ground of a place that has similarity to the.. heaven?

The bridge part:

The way Dahyun sings her lines and first she looks proud, happy, but she suddenly looks like she has no emotions? no smiling or anything.

in my opinion, this shows her guilt, her realising "i killed jihyo".

this isnt really important to my theory, but i find it weird how michaeng are the only members that "clearly" have a scene together (ofc they sang together but still...) maybe chae is trying to warn her? maybe mina is trying to warn chae?

The scene changes to jihyo singing her high note.

What can you see on her white dress?

Something that looks like someone shot her (dahyun's fingerpistol while aiming at jihyo?)

the wound is shaped like an heart, maybe dahyun killed her out of love?

The camera goes through jihyo, and who do we see?

Dahyun eating the doughnut in the beginning at the crime scene where mina was.

"But what does that mean?"

Guilt.

In her bridge part, she realised she actually killed jihyo, her solution? Killing herself by eating a poisonous doughnut.

so thats how dahyun died.

"What about Mina?"

Mina is alone in the whole mv (except the table scene and the michaeng scene), she wanders around, sometimes she is running.

It looks like she is searching for something. But for what? Her dead friends?

Everyone died except Mina and Tzuyu in the mv, until...

Kura Kura MV

and again, please watch the mv before reading this part.

only a few scenes in this mv are important for my theory.

dahyun sitting under a tree and eating grapes.

just saying it like this sounds dumb, but if you know a little of religion then it is odly familiar.

(im not an expert on this so sry if its wrong)

adam and eve had the same thing just with apples,being not allowed to eat them bla bla bla but eve does it anyway.

meaning = she sinned.

what did dahyun do? killing jihyo, a sin (obviously)

survivors guilt:

definition: Survivors guilt is a particular kind of guilt that develops in people who have survived a life-threatening situation. Some survivors feel guilty that they survived when others died. Others believe they could have done more to save the lives of others.

"Who couldve had survivors guilt?"

Tzuyu.

Why else is she killing herself in the kura kura mv? Drowning herself after everyone died and only her and Mina survived.

Leaving Mina completly alone.

The whole kura kura mv shows mina alone, her sitting alone in a cafe.

when she leans against a wall, it cracks. Why?

Because she has no one behind her, no one to help her.

All the TWICE members die except Mina.

Ayy i finally did it!!!! this was fun ngl...

i hope yall enjoyed it, i kinda feel like an nerd bc im so invested in twice lore its crazy.....

i left out some things (for example the way jeongyeon was trapped in both doughnut and kura kura mv) since i didnt wanted to make it too long and in my opinion some of the things are not that important for my theory so...

[aonungyoufuck]

Can you perhaps do a dark ao’nung who is obsessive and manipulative to an innocent reader who believes everything he says.

You can come up with the rest your writing is amazing 😆

My Unhealthy Obsession

GN! Metkayina Reader X Ao'nung

Warnings: Unhealthy obsession. Manipulation tho i kinda lowkey suck at it. Perhaps implications of murder. Innocent reader + plot twist.

uwu thank you anon for enjoying my writing.

You were all each other had. Realistically you had your families. Sure that was true and more than anything you loved them to death. You liked spending time with Tsireya and Ronal.

Being with Ao'nung was a different story however. Something about his words the way he spoke the way he would touch you left more to the mind to wonder.

Since children something about the way he would speak with you it made little tingles in your stomach. And it made you crave his attention much more.

And Ao'nung knew this. He took advantage of the way you seem to believe his every word. Innocent on the mind and soul. And he was cruel. But ever much more gentle at what ever you would tell him.

Making you believe hi obvious lies. "Oh no Tsireya is out with mother she cant hang" "Tao'lu? oh no he asked you on a bet. his friends made" "Oh wouldn't you like to hang with me instead?"

And you believed every one of his words. Realistically he still had all his friends to hang with. And you were alone. But what good was it hanging out with his friends if he could have you all to himself?

"Ao'nung you really should head on With your father. What good is any training if your wasting it with me?" You spoke in alluring voice. You were always so kind to him.

"Naw i think it will be okay to spend time with you"

"by the way of your attitude im sure they wouldn't think its okay"

You sighed. Your mind again pondering to a distant past. Where you had both guys and girls alike asking you if they could stake claim. But...things had changed. People didnt like looking at you in the eye.

"Ao'nung..Do you know why. Tao'lu or Irir stopped pursuing me? Or why all my friends stopped talking with me?"

"no?" he spoke

"It seems no one speaks to me anymore and it frightens me a little. Have i done wrong? am i undesirable?"

"what nonsense dear. Clear your head of those thoughts"

You were about to speak. Tell him something else before hearing loud commotion outside. and unbeknownst to you two. Things in this dynamic were about to change drastically.

----------------------------------------------------

The arrival of the Sully's was not something Ao'nung could have foreseen. He had manage to scare anyone away from ever really speaking to you.

But you had been dragged into teaching along side him. And he couldn't threaten the sully's as he had everyone.

He did trust his sister and Rotxo. But even then he would rarely allow you three to have alone time. More so on the knowledge that Tsireya knew what he had done.

But he needed to promise you to himself.

And it was hard when Neteyam would throw you knowing looks. And you could only return it in kind. He couldn't really threaten them. But he could you.

And it wasn't long before he did. Finding you alone in your pod. Lucky for him he knew your family wouldn't be around just yet.

"I dont want you around those Sully guy's"

"it will be hard given i was told to help them too"

"I mean it Y/n"

you turned to look at him. His expression cold, dark and ever more so handsome in your eyes. "Why?"

"Especially Neteyam"

"Ao'nung. Can you at least explain why"

"I dont like the way he looks at you"

You thought. Sure he was friendly but he knew you two were strangers. Only ever talking as acquaintances.

"Like he has you. Like he wants you. To be your Mate or more it makes me sick."

"But Ao'nung what difference does that make. You haven't staked claim of me and i you"

He let out a hiss. Fangs bearing as he held your wrists together. "I haven't yet"

You let your heart sore. How long had you wanted that? was it sick? he was your only friend remaining so what other options did you have?.

"Keep away from him. You never know. He's also the outsider. His family have demon blood. What more does he need for you to understand"

you just stared at him in silence. Subconsciously you began to shake in his hold.

His eyes softened. Sighing as he gently kissed your knuckles.

"He's no good for you. Not like i can be. So please. Please promise to keep away from them"

You let out a small smile. before nodding. Letting him go.

And This promise didn't go unnoticed. You stopped showing up. You stopped interacting. You stopped ever seeing Neteyam or the rest of the siblings.

Tsireya of course had noticed it more. She had seen this happen countless of times. And for once she had enough. Had voiced her voice enough for it to fall on deaf ears.

She went to go see you. Had always found the best of times to see you and this time she had to speak to you.

"Y/n?"

You turned to look at her. Smiling bright. "oh Tsireya, A little early than before?"

"I have to speak to you"

You two sat. You handing her a bowl of fruit.

"Its about Ao'nung"

"Oh! I hope he told you the news"

"The news?"

You smiled brightly. A feeling boiling in your stomach as you spilled the news. But watched carefully as Tsireya's face dropped in horror.

"no, No Y/n That cannot happen!"

You frowned. "What? why?"

"Ao'nung. He's not right. Not right at all! He's he's pushed away every one of your friends. Suitors and any alike. I dont know what he says or what he does. But, But he threatens. He"

you only listened. perhaps that explained it.

"He's almost drowned some kids back when were were little. You dont understand. What ever it is. Who ever it is. And im frightened that your happiness is, Is for the wrong one"

You nodded. Watching her and nodded silently. " I thank you Tsireya. I really do. But i know how to handle this. Trust me with this. Please"

Tsireya could only frown. Watching as your sweet aura didn't falter. Didn't waver and all she could do is pray to Eywa. Pray that everything would work out. That nothing bad would happen.

unbeknownst to anyone but you. This was exactly what you had hoped for. You are Ao'nung's and now he is Yours.

-----------------------------

im sorry if this is bad in any way shape or form. But i really tried. I was gonna make it super dark but then thats borderline like yandere. And well. Lets save that for another day.

[tai-janai]

Use me as an excuse to share your headcanons on the Voice of the Hunted, I’m curious about what you think of him!

OUHGH. WELL

i have a separate post where i talk about him and cheated and i go into a lot there, but YES SIR

physically i think he is probably one of the smallest (being the most insistent on it, rivaling little broken) but im not one of the people that believes them to be different birds; i think all of them but the narrator are crows.

the wings i give him are small and flighty, even for his stature. i dont think he is the way he is by choice. he tells the others and the princess (the wild) that he is small, and he feels his first bit of respite when she says he can be more than that. ive explained before how i think of all the voices as trauma responses, and his is one of the more obvious. Kill or be killed, as he says explicitly.

but of course he would want a break from all that; anyone would. his final words in the Moment of Clarity, "im ready to sleep" (or something of the sort) just shows that this poor guy needs his rest. He is also Always Right and i LOVE that in a character. the smelling everything? GOD. him being the only one to deny the mirror is SO GOOD. he would be the one to understand that our eyes can trick us, even above the skeptic!!!

but this is about headcanons not just why i like him (i could go on)

i like assigning things colors, and hunted got an almost highlighter teal (for his scales). it does not help him; it is another thing he can't change about himself, that he just has to live with. he is unfortunately very resigned to his role in the game of cat and mouse. i wish he could be there to experience one of the happier endings, where it isn't so much a life-or-death situation. love is just as much a part of survival as anything. i want him to be allowed to be alive.

i kind of think he likes the others a lot, especially the more competent ones. he understands the strengths of the ones that have gone through what he has. he may not be so open to those of the Knifeless routes (opp, conty, smitty).

Hero is one that i think he gets a long with a lot. Hero would want him to take it easy, and i kind of have him as a somewhat protective older brother figure to the little Hunted. being very supportive like "hey you kept us alive ^^ :D" and hunted being unable to take that compliment because. "Of course i did."

i kind of think of him as a little brother to some others too (stub, skippy) but Hero would be one to let him take a break, unlike the other two. (Imagine Stubborn trying to tell someone not to fight. yeah no)

I, and Hunted himself, think of him as very animalistic. instinctual. he will run himself into the dirt until the worms swallow him. there is no limit to his effort except death. in the route of the Beast, it is obvious that he doesn't let exhaustion stop him. anything for the sake of survival; there can be no rest.

im sure some Other Voices have some Things to say about that.

Stubb: yes very good. the only end is death and that isnt a problem for us.

Cheated: are you INSANE

ONTO CHEATED BECAUSE I CANT TALK ABOUT ONE WITHOUT THE OTHER

Cheated is a lot like Hunted, excluding the "kill or be killed" instinct. they both have the perseverance to continue fighting, but cheated has a different kind of patience. i think they'd understand and trust each other, in a way they usually cant with others, but in ways some others have amongst themselves. Cheated would see Hunted's unhealthy way of dealing with things and would probably be the most adamant on giving him a break. "he does the most for us so why doesn't he get to rest?" kinda thing.

but also i think cheated thinks hunted is pretty (because i like to think hunted is pretty bird)

uhgh anyway. i. think thats all i got

[danfengfan]

virtual love ; prologue

synopsis : two high school students grew up studying as middle schoolers. although it doesnt seem like they ended on good terms

you tap your pencil on your japanese dictionary as you tried racking your brain for ideas

“愛してる… what else ends in てる?”

you sigh as you scrap your unfinished plan. your japanese teacher had asked you and several other students to create a poem about love in japanese. you knew you made decent poems but youve never attempted making any in said language. luckily your parents allowed you to stay at the library after school for a longer time so you can work more proficiently

you started to get lost in your head, staring blankly at the swarm of people. that was until a boy around your age comes up to your table

“may i sit here? i need to complete an essay”

you stared up with an absent mind at the boy, enjoying how soft his voice was until you realized he asked you something. you scrambled to organize some of the papers that were messily scattered around the small round table

“of course”

you accidentally squeak as you speak, a barley visible blush on your face as you tried to smile. you probably looked like a mess but the young boy didnt seem to mind it as he sat down in a steady manner

once the boy was seated, you tried to continue where you left off. you looked at the dictionary placed in front of you, almost taunting you, before looking up again. the boy had fluffy dark hair, a nice shade of blue makes up his eyes, perhaps he was in a rush this morning with how his hair fell in front of his face, the way you can see knots and tangles in his hair

thats when you notice it. hey, isnt that the uniform for your school? you look down and compare the two, and they were in fact (mostly) identical. you took a breath in before asking,

"hey, dont we go to the same school?"

you could feel your voice shake as you spoke each word, successfully catching the attention of the boy in front of you

"i believe so. youre in 7年级, right?"

"yeah i am"

"im a year older than you then, 8年级"

you start to feel yourself heat up with embarrassment. you werent exactly sure why but you had a guess. you closed your eyes to avoid eye contact with the stranger in front of you

"ohh, i see. thats nice"

you nod your head, soft smile on your face. dan heng only smile back before seemingly returning back to his book. you feel words get stuck on your tongue as you long to talk to the boy more but you simply left the conversation at that and went back to your poem. you have a faint idea in your head from your new interaction but before you could do anything, the dark-haired boy in front of you spoke up

“私は丹恒です”

“huh?”

“私の名前は丹恒です. あなたの名前は何ですか?”

“私の名前は...(name) です, よろしくお願い します”

“非常好”

“谢谢! did you also take japanese?”

your eyes sparkled as you continued to converse with dan heng. now that you knew his name, the air seeming to become more relaxed around you two

“yeah, last year”

dan heng nodded his head, seemingly bashful as his cheeks get coated with a very light pink. the tension between you two gets a lot less awkward as you two settle into a comfortable silence. well, as much you two could get in a crowded library

you softly turn the pages of your book as you let the words run free from your head to the paper. you knew you were being a bit delusional writing any sort of romance story between you and dan heng, a boy you literally met that day, but you cant help but silently laugh as you reread your poem

and just like that the days passed so quickly. dan heng and you still sat down together, even if the library had free seats. even if you guys didnt talk often, you still sat together. it felt like you only knew dan heng a week when it finally hit your one year anniversary

and the next year… and the year after, and as much as you would like to say the year after you cant. theres a bitter feeling in your mouth if you even try to mention it

you were just sitting, innocently waiting for dan heng to arrive, a gift on the table just for him. your eyes lit up as you saw his figure

“happy 3rd year anniversary”

you chirp, a wide smile on your face. your smile was never reciprocated as dan heng spoke up

“im leaving.. tomorrow. if i can, i might see you before i leave”

dan heng quietly tells you, his voice deep with a plethora of guilt and sadness. your smile immediately falters as you look at him with a hopeless smile

“youre kidding? right?”

“no, im not. its… family issues”

you just sigh as you nod your head in defeat

“well, open your gift. least we can do is have a nice day together”

dan heng chuckles at your attempt to lighten the mood. he places his gift on the table before he takes yours, opening it to find a small keychain, in the shape of a spear. dan heng smiles before looking at you with anticipation. at first you were confused before you realized he was waiting for you to open the gift

you blush in embarrassment before grabbing the box, opening it with excitement. you were so curious what dan heng got for you this year, he was always do attentive

this year proved it even more. dan heng had gotten you your own phone, set with a little dragon phone charm. you werent sure why he got you a dragon charm to match but you were still very grateful. how could you ever repay him back?

“ah, this is too much… i cant possibly have it”

“no, no, i insist. take it, you deserve it”

you bashfully nod your head, knowing you could never win against dan heng in these kind of battles

the next day, you didnt expect dan heng to meet you, but he did. except he was different. you almost contemplating not coming but you were glad as you cheerfully greet him, almost crying of relief. you knew dan heng would leave after but you were clutching onto any last scrap of hope that dan heng will still be there the next day

“id like to deliver a message. how about you back off, kay? id say i hate you so thanks”

‘dan heng’ told you brusquely, a fake smile on his face as his eyes closed. it didnt take long for them to open again as he gracefully walks out of the library

you were sat frozen, unsure what he meant. back off? huh? he hates you. was dan heng just leading you on? you dwell on his words, your pen shaking ever so slightly in your hand as you slightly tremble at the thought

and all these thoughts run in your head aided in your tears. the warm liquid flowing down your cheeks seemingly invisible to you. it wasnt until the librarian came up and asked if you were okay. you did your best to answer without a voice-crack

“yeah, yeah, im… okay”

the librarian looked at you suspiciously before nodding their head and leaving back to their post. it didnt take you long before you put back all your books and left the library, vowing to never get tricked like that again, vowing to never fall in love so easily again.

really you wouldnt have minded falling in love with someone. as long as it wasnt dan heng

dictionary (includes japanese + mandarin)

ᵎᵎ im still learning japanese and my mandarin is rusty, please correct me if anything is incorrect

愛してる (aishiteru) : i love you

╰┈➤ てる (teru) isnt supposed to mean anything here, just as something to rhyme

7年级 qī nián jí : 7th grade

╰┈➤ first year of middle school in china

8年级 bā nián jí : 8th grade

╰┈➤ second year of middle school in china

私は丹恒です (watashi wa dan heng desu) : i am dan heng

╰┈➤ im not exactly sure if 丹 would ne perceived as dan still (＞﹏＜)

私の名前は丹恒です. あなたの名前は何ですか? (watashi no namae wa dan heng desu. anata no namae wa nandesuka?) : my name is dan heng. what is your name?

私の名前は...(name) です, よろしくお願い します (watashi no namae wa... (name) desu, yorushiku onegai shimasu) : my name is... (name), its nice to meet you

╰┈➤ replace (name) with your name

非常好 (fēi cháng hǎo) : good job

谢谢 (xiè xiè) : thank you

𖦹 s.list // m.list

𖦹 next // previous

[femmefatalevibe]

hey there, im wondering how i can get more comfortable going up to random people and striking up a conversation. i have pretty bad social anxiety most times but i know i cant get friends unless i do this. do you have any tips on how to feel more secure on going up to people? also, how do i make the conversation flow? everytime i strike up a conversation i just sound so awkward and i cant think of what to say. how do i remedy this and sound cool or hot while talking to someone instead of weird. tysm!!

Hi love! Some tips below:

Remember that everyone is self-focused most of the time. People don't really think too much about you. They're worried about their to-do lists, internal monologues, and how they're presenting themselves to others. So, chances are, if an attempt to initiate a conversation isn't reciprocated, remember it's because the other person is focused on their own priorities and probably will forget about the awkward interaction by the next day.

Consider how you would show up as a confident person then start faking it until you become it. As with any skill, learning how to socialize requires taking action followed by tons of practice, reflection, adjustments for improvement, and repetitions of this cycle.

Make your conversation low-stakes. Initiate a conversation with a genuine compliment if you're nervous. It's a simple, thoughtful, and generally well-received gesture. If you're too nervous to think of things to say, use simple conversation starters (How's your day? How insane is this weather? I can't believe we have to do XYZ project, or Isn't XYZ news story just wild?).

Paraphrase what the other person is saying to display your active listening skills and attention to your conversation. Ask follow-up questions relevant to what they've already said. This tactic will make the person feel heard/special for the moment and makes it easier for you to continue the conversation without having to think of a handful of topics or stories to contribute on the fly.

To appear more calm and collected, take your time and speak slowly. Allow for small pauses, and don't rush through your words. Smile, and maintain direct eye contact. Don't be afraid to laugh when contextually appropriate. Keep your speech even-pitched (don't end every sentence on a high, nervous note where the ending sounds like it's a question). Maintain open body language and tilt your head to show you're actively listening instead of fidgeting.

Hope this helps xx

[trans-androgyne]

I'm so sick of this. Trans men could be fucking like "lets have a discussion about unsavory attitudes or actions within queer communities when it comes to gender" and a bunch of fucking people INCLUDING OTHER TRANS MASCS are like "wooooooow cant believe youre attacking TRANS WOMEN like that this is obviously bigotry. after all theyve been through?? I am going to assume this mild criticism is about trans women (which you never said it was at all even once) and THEN tell you that because transphobia exists any disagreement with a trans woman means you want her to be HARASSED. I can't believe you think harassment is okay. also even though trans women are poor victims (I am speaking on behalf of all trans women) who you arent allowed say anything in opposition to (I think trans women are defenseless and attack people based on the idea that any criticism is trying to ruin their lives) (don't you know its impossible for a trans woman to ever be treated with respect or have a good life ever and in fact they are all doomed to being treated horribly?) (this is me HELPING trans women by the way I'm an ALLY) and trans men are the problem and somehow even though we're all in the same community Poor Trans Women are so oppressed they would be RUINED by disagreements (I am speaking on behalf of every trans woman and I know not a single one wants to have an interesting discussion about oppression or gender) this is me being an ally btw I could never be transmisogynistic by talking like this. also somehow transphobes check what type of trans you are, if youre a trans woman they hate you and if youre a trans man they say "yay you're a man" and treat you wonderfully because if youre a man youre always treated well no matter what other types of oppression you might face I think of this as being progressive.

Sorry for the long rant(?) I have a lot of thoughts. In summary: some people see themselves as such trans woman defenders that they a hundred percent loop around to infantilising them by implying its too hurtful to have a conversation. I've seen this exact type of behaviour as a trans man when it comes to misgendering. someone slips up and instead of being like "oops I mean he" they go some equivalent of "oh my gosh im sooooo sorry i cant believe I did that to you you probably feel miserable have I ruined your day oh my goodness dont cry ill make it up to you I know you have now become an emotional wreck from the horrible thing I did to you im sorry im sorry im sorry I just need to make sure everybody can hear how HURT you are by one misgendering" this is an example of how "being an ally" loops around to calling you fragile and a literal baby. They make it worse even though theyre "on your side" by implying you cant handle anything and they have to "fix it" because you just would collapse immediately at something maybe affecting you.

On the one hand, I understand where a lot of this is coming from. Trans women do get harassment campaigns started against them for small issues. It’s best not to resolve real problems with specific transfems in a public forum. So many have described the feeling of transmisogynistic hypervisibility as a panopticon and that very much applies in these discussions.

But trans women also aren’t made of glass. And they aren’t immune from making mistakes and causing harm. Making posts that contradict some trans women’s understandings of transmasc oppression is not transmisogyny. Pointing out that something they said or did was hurtful or transphobic is not transmisogyny. People act like this is how you treat trans women with respect and it’s very much not. This is not being “normal” about trans women. They are human beings who yes need some extra care and protection but are also capable of talking things out instead of collapsing into dust at the first sign of criticism. I know not all trans women like being treated this way in the slightest. I hope we’ll be able to find ways in the community to still uplift their voices and mitigate harm done to them without putting them on a high pedestal or shielding them from all criticism and intracommunity discussion that does not go their way.