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#like you cant say you never want someone in your life and then change your mind and want to be close wirh them once you realize they're
mithomite · 6 months
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had the most braindead repetitive conversation/argument with my parents. buzz cuts are too masculine but if you dye a design on it it become effeminate which is bad because then you look weak and if youre weak then society falls apart (all societies ever that have fallen apart for any reason are actually because of feminine men) and we start sacrificing babies. and also all mental illness is invented because only 4 people had anxiety in the 90s and covid was made up so that we would all become gay and trans and then the government can control us better and be joe biden's little sex slaves. and also i need to keep my hair long because my father finds it attractive. what
#lolaa.txt#what do i even tag this with . my mother wouldn't let me leave and i kept asking for sources and she kept saying 'i'm your mother!!!'#'i wouldnt lie to you!'#okay. say that to someone maybe who doesnt know you lie to them all the time.#its tiring going around in circles with her.my father is better because at least he admits when he doesnt have a reason for feeling some wa#also what got me. she said 'do you own research if you want!! but im right!!!'#yeahh not seeing anything about anything you just said. i think you made that up.#i have a theory that my mother secretly hates herself because she believes all women are weak and must serve strong men#and my father has so so much trauma and anxiety that he cant be that strong man#so now she feels like shes betraying her very biology when she has to step up.#and also because i am stronger than her now and my hair is long and far far denser than hers and i have a younger face#that she feels that im wasting my precious femininity that she could be using. does that make sense.#shes so miserable trapped in her idea of what makes a man and a woman what they are. once you stop caring about what makes someone somethin#you dont have to worry about anyone else.#im queer because i dont really feel that connection to biological and social ideas of gender that my parents seem to#never really have#im not gonna theorize 'ohh shed be happier nonbinary' or stuff like that because it is up to you and you alone to define who you are#if you spend your whole life trying to fit a box for the sake of fitting the box#then when would you have any space for self discovery#youve invented personality traits to go along with your box. now you can never ever change or grow as a person. congrats#and you know what? one day she will die. and that will be the end of that.#and i will live and i will probably shave my head a thousand times. and come up with new names#and new ways to be a better person that makes me feel happy#and i will dress like a boy because its all made up anyways. who cares.#and if you care? that much about what im wearing or how i look?#then thats your problem and i wont be responsible to maintain your happiness.#SORRY RANT OVER.#im just so flabbergasted. what a sad life someone can lead poisoned by jealously and reactive rhetoric.#tw homophobia#tw transphobes
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nt3000s · 1 year
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im so lucky to know so many people in my life to have met so many people in my life that are just life saving ill never not feel lucky people are so beautiful and kind and talented and funny and have so much worth everyone ive ever met anyone in my life i have ever touched i just cant believe it ill never be able to understand it how important everyone is how much i love people the degree to whihc i love people and everyone i have ever met ill just never ever be able to express the depth of how important it is to me it might be the most important part of my entire life. i just need people to know how much i love them im desperate for it to be known how important everyone ive ever met is to me. all of my friends everyone whos ever been kind to me and whoever ive been kind to it will never be lost on me how important it is. and i feel so lucky to be graced i guess by my friends. i cant imagine the life i would live without every event every person who ive ever crossed. i would never sacrifice anything to not be where i am now because of the people i know and have known. the people i know and talk to everyday or the people i see in a notification or pass by. i cant overstate your importance to me. i cant overstate how important i want people to feel. i want people to see themselves how i see them. i can not overstate your importance to me and i love you. im so lucky ill never be able to take it
#i just want ti go to sleep but i cant my sleep schedule has been so miserably depressing me#not that badly. i cherish every moment i have with the people around me and i cherish how lucky i am to be surrounded by such unbe#lievable people. i am happy everyday because people love me.#this will never be lost on me. the importance of it. the importance you all have will never ever be lost on me. your worth as a human being#you are so kind. you are so talented. you are loved by people because you are seen by people that way. i will never lose this#im miserably desperate for everyone i know to feel loved or to know that i love them. nothing will ever ever ever in my whole fucking life#ever be more important to me#nothing in my fucking life will ever be more important than that. please know how much you mean to this. to everything#i dont know what changed but i cry so often now and every single time my thoughts wander to how deeply i feel about this#im just sobbing and sobbing and im like. i love the people that care for me. i love the people i care for#i know when i stop crying or when the day rolls over i get to talk to everyone again. and i feel so lucky. i feel so desperate to explain it#how. much. it. means. to me. How badly i mean this and everything I say.#i dont fucking care if yoire my mutual from fandom or someone who random followed because my blog was funny#someone i talked to once or twice. you mean so much. i swear to god. ill never be mpre genuine or more serious. i guess#thats very kind of you to do that. or like my posts or anything. youre very kind for that. you mean alot to me.#i just dont want to fall asleep when the sun rises and wake up with a few hours to talk to people before im alone#i really hate it right now. and my neutral state has genuinely just been on the brink of crying. like if i sit still too long i just sob#thats genuinely how i have been for the past few days#and thats not the fault of anyone its just how my brain has been treating me#but whdn i get like this i just remember how lucky i feel about everything. like the depth of my feelings#you really just have to trust me when i say like how forever sincere and deep snd monumental it is to me. like please understand the depth#of when i say i love you. dear god i love everyone ive ever met i love you. please please please please understand how desperate i am#i will never ever feel more strongly about anything. i cant imagine it#i have to make this exact same fucking post over and over again#i need to keep saying it man#i need people to love themselves like i love them#the degree to which i say the word need#anyway. i love you. i hope you have fun or are happy about something. or draw write something nice. talk to your best friend. something
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caruliaa · 2 years
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yk i think like. im trying desperately not to depress people around me w how close to doomerism i can veer but like. at a certain point its like. the effort and exhaustion that goes into maintaining just being alive in this world is not worth what comes from being alive and like. girlies we may have reached it. el oh el.
#like obvs its different for everyone like. what i really mean is that i have reached it or like. tht was always inevitably the case#for my life. which ik feels really depressing to say nd im sorry tht it makes ppl sad but idk like. its just true at a certain point#absolutely not from a lack of trying from the good things within my life to be clear not at all like. ik have sm great parts to my life#tht like. just mean so so much to me and im so so lucky to have but as upsetting as it is to say and think abt#at a certain point having to choose between being trapped in a situation were you can never authentically exist or like#have any control over your life and exist on your own terms even in v small ways while having to constantly be around people whove#caused you so much pain and trauma and hurt and being is a situation were like. at best your constantly working to afford living and you#are constantly exhausted by this and have no time for being yourself anyway and at worst you just cant afford anything and you die#and that could happen to you at any point idk like. these are my two options and i cant change anything about that fact#no matter how much i want to and that feeling is just. so so crushing and inescapable and just idk i dont know how to deal with it#like. idk iv done everything to try to but its only ever a temporary distraction#bc the problem isnt fucking like. mental or emotional its the facts of my reality and that cant be changed#so ofc im going to be constantly fucking miserable things just. are misearble#and idk. im sorry tht thts something other ppl have to deal with when it comes to like. knowing me bc genuinly its like.#they dont deserve that its sm pain for somoene to deal with and if that someone isnt. somone whos come to term with what#my fate invetiably is like have ik its too much nd im sorry for like. putting that on ppl i just. idk im sorry#idk what up with me suddnely. i mean i do but like. idk why i cant just hold it together like. this has always been the case idk why#im letting it upset me sm suddenly . ig bc i let myself have hope at some point. like an idiot.#idk im sorry. and its nearly 1am so i think im just going to go to sleep.im so sorry for just. all of this.#lucy if your reading tihs im so sorry for not sending and answering asks but i want to say that i love you so so so much. and im sorry#flappy rambles#vent#ask to tag
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q-kanbas · 2 years
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Ok it's probably going to get some people very mad at me but there's a massive difference between wanting people to respect those who are overweight or obese and blatantly ignoring the scientific method and literally everything medical science has been studying for decades.
Just because literal decades of well researched science says something you don't like doesn't mean it's wrong. It's just something you don't want to hear.
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puppmeo · 24 days
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Have you ever been assumed to be romantically attracted to someone and even just the thought of that makes you want to throw up . Anybody
#had someone's husband in my dms going on about how i want this bitch romantically and frankly if i hadn't been so busy crying i would've#actually thrown up . absolutely disgusting idea . vile even . horrid concept#anyway tldr im down a best friend because he didn't tell me anything i was doing was wrong after telling me that everything was okay and#then sent his husband after me to call me a creep that was obsessed with him that also apparently tried to make out w him#the same trip that my best friend of five years told me he hated having me in his hometown to see him graduate.#this was after i found out my cat had been murdered and mutilated and thrown in my granma's garden . that day happened to be my birthday#because my ma was kind enough to drive me and my lil brother down there to go see him graduate bc he was also supposed to move in w us the#month after . and he told me right after i got home that he 'didn't think it would be good for our relationship' and apparently#just didn't know how to tell me until a month before it was supposed to happen . bonkers times over here#anyway i didn't want to make out with him . he cried after i wouldn't have sex w him just last december . which i specifically got high as#shit to avoid . and i dont even have like. actual examples of what i was doing wrong to go off of so now i just get to live in mystery#forever ig. like shocker that the person that's been my best friend for five years would tell his husband to say that to me and not say that#shit to me himself . this is a wild to me . i feel like im going insane . can anybody even hear me what's going on#you know its bad when your mama gets so sick of you crying over a friend that she hugs you for the first time in years#also i cant sleep my head hurts . crying is evil . devils liquid . might watch rpdr or something . still nauseous over the idea of being#into him romantically btw . like still nauseous over that . like what a fucking insult to our entire friendship#does saying that we may as well have been made of the same atoms mean like . nothing . does nothing ive said to or about him not mean anythi#ng if its not romantic in nature . what did i do that wasnt enough for him. i fucking told him he outgrew me and that was fine i just#wanted to know if we were still friends or not and he said we were and i believed him. if he told me the sky was green i would make it so#ripping my hair out . am i being dramatic . am i the only person that wasn't expecting this . am i the only one that didn't know#when i had to tell people who knew about the moving plans that he changed his mind the first fucking thing i was told was “i thought it migh#t happen.“ WELL I FUCKINH DIDN'T . AND NOBODY TOLD ME#this is like . the second most humiliating moment of my life . aside from movinggate because at least nobody irl has to know about this#anyway . this boy could've taken my blood and i'd sit there and smile while he did it because he was my best friend .#i was so glad we got to grow up together. i miss him already. im taking my little brother to school my myself for the first time and all im#gonna wanna do is tell him about it . im tired . i want to sleep . im still so nauseous . did none of it mean anything just because ive#never and will never like him romantically. does that make everything less worthy somehow#i hope he never talks to me again. i dont think i could handle this again. he let is fucking husband say that shit to me. not him.#puppmeo misery
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unluckiestmember · 3 months
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can I request headcanons of x-men 97 team x reader who is an absolute sweatheart and is just the cutest thing to exist.
Coming right up!
X-Men '97 X Sweetheart! Reader
Characters: Nathan Summers/Cable, Scott Summers/Cyclops, Remy LeBeau/Gambit, Jean Gray, Jubilee, Erik Lehnsherr/Magneto, Morph, Kurt Wagner/Nightcrawler, Rogue and Logan/Wolverine.
Warning: Mild Cursing, but overall SFW.
A/N: Can I please get someone to remind me to actually post when I'm supposed to? Anyone? XD
Cable
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“Time to get to work, keep up!… You want me to carry you? Heh, say less.”
Oh Nathan, Nathan, Nathan. He tries his best to be as tough and straight to business like his old man. Always a man to try and change the future and fight for the people with a straight face. But as soon as you’re around him, your sunshine energy radiates onto him. You make the freedom fighter have a need to impress you on the field when he’s not showering you in love outside of missions.
What really drew you to him was just how careful you were with his body. How you complimented his eye and stroked his robotic arm with so much care. It has made him really adore the end of the days where particular expeditions took a lot of energy out of you two, resulting in cuddles and sweet nothings. He never understood the whole concept of loving someone like his dad loved his mom, but after meeting you, he finally understood what they had was sacred. What you two had was sacred. Nathan has lost a lot in his life, but he’ll be damned if he loses you.
Cyclops
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“Are you alright?! You’re not hurt, are you? I’m not overexaggerating- I’m worrying the right amount!”
Scott can be a pain in the neck during missions. He’s always one to bark out orders and keep a level head on missions as the leader of the X-Men. And if there’s one order that’s always on the top of his list, it’s making sure you are safe. He’s by all means not an overprotective or possessive lover, but he makes it a daily part of his life to always check on his beloved. Whenever you are just being yourself, you can find him staring at you, taking in your cute energy and reciprocating it with his own cute antics like kissing your cheek or giving you gifts when you least expect it.
Are the team a bit jealous of you having Scott’s favoritism? A bit. But hey, they’d rather someone like you have the best of Scott than the worst. Even if that also includes his defensive nature of you along with his jealous antics. He means well. You know it, sometimes you just have to remind him. Whether it be with a simple talk or a passionate kiss. Face it, you keep the leader of the X-Men grounded.
Gambit
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“Ah, just the person I was looking for. Is it just me or are you getting more breathtaking every day, mon cher?"
When it comes to you, Remy is bound to flirt twenty four seven just to see that nice shade of pink color on your cute little cheeks. And if he cant succeed in that, he’s bound to have you smitten with his physical hold of your waist or his sincere compliments. He’s quite a charmer, anyone knows that, but with you, he adds another flare to himself; A sweet lover.
Gambit will always make it abundantly clear that you are the cutest person he’s ever met and how he can wager the perfect future with you by his side. Expect this man to shower you with surprise trips away from the mansion, a fresh breakfast almost everyday and a little card show if you are ever upset, because if there’s one thing he hates more than anything, it’s you being upset. You are the only one that can make Gambit so emotional because he just loves you so so much. And if you ever forget, he doesn’t mind reminding his raison de vivre.”
Jean Gray
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“I wish you could see what was in my mind… Maybe then you’d realize how much you mean to me, my love.”
When it comes to Jean, you’ve basically hit the jackpot on one of the most open and loving girlfriends you could ever ask for. You aren’t just a sweetheart, you are her sweetheart. She always touches you like a porcelain doll, staring into your eyes with so much affection of her own and giggling whenever you hug or hold her, prompting her to hold you or hug you back just as tightly. On missions, she is in the zone, but as soon as they are over, she’s heading straight to you to check if you are injured. And if you’re not? Expect this woman to shower you in so many compliments and love that you might just drown from the cuteness.
Jean isn’t just your protector, but also your best friend, always free to try anything you want to try and do what you want to do.Dare she say, you might be the love of her life. Screw being lovers, she wants to be a married couple. But as much as that gets her excited, she’ll take her time for you, because she knows whether it takes her whole life or a single day, she doesn’t mind waiting for the fateful day.
Jubilee
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“That was awesome! Did you see me out there- Did you?! Let me let you in on a secret; That last one was for you~!”
Because of how young she is and her lack of a love life, Jubilee is still pretty new to the whole dating and falling in love thing. But when she met you, she knew she was bound to fall in love with someone so positive and full of life. An embodiment of a firework if she said so herself. She always drags you around town with her to hangout at arcades or spend time in the mall grabbing lunch and doing cute couple things.
She cares about you enough to ask other X-Men members advice on how to treat you or show you how much you mean to her. It honestly impresses and shocks the team how this troublemaker tries her best to make you feel like the luckiest person in the world dating her. If she’s not showing her love for you through domestic activities, then look outside your window at night. You are bound to find Jubilee sending you love with her fireworks bound to make you giggle and smile. Which is always delightful because when you are filled with so much happiness, so is she.
Magneto
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“What we have is stronger than any magnetic pull I’m capable of. It’s terrifying. But also magnificent.”
If you ever wanted to be treated like royalty, Magneto is the man for you. Erik treats you like you are a precious flower that could be destroyed by the mutant hating world around you. Because of this, he is so careful with you, yet not overbearing. If you want to hang out outside or simply hang out with him, he doesn’t mind as long as no one looks at you the wrong way or touches you with ill intent. Because if they do?… Let’s just say Magneto can do a lot with his powers.
When he’s not making sure you’re safe, he is awestruck at your innocence and your positive outlook on life. At first, he actually found your vision of the world to be immature, untrue and above all stupid. But the more he’s spent time with you, you’ve seem to have melted his cold heart a bit. Does he still think humanity is the scum of the Earth and nothing can change? Yes. But with you by his side, showing him what love, understanding and acceptance can be, maybe, just maybe, he can see where you’re coming from.
Morph
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“Why the long face, babe? I can do a mean Magneto impression that’s sure to make you smile… Haha! There’s my love!”
Around people, Morph treats you almost like one of the guys, in a figurative sense. They don't treat you any differently from the rest of his friends and family within the team. But behind closed doors or when you two are alone, all bets are off. They are melting at your sweet nature and so quick to try to make you laugh, smile or get physical with them. Man, do they love when you get physical with him- They adore it!
But what they really loves is how caring and protecting of them you are. They've told you about their past, their run in with Mister Sinister and their time away from the team. And no matter how many nightmares or moments of body dysmorphia he experiences, they love how you are always there to pick up their loose pieces and put them back together with your gentle touch and gentler words. Because of this, they're always there to return the favor and comfort you as well when you are at your lowest. You are their best friend sorry Logan and their beloved and they wouldn’t want it any other way.
Nightcrawler
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“Liebe meines Lebens. You never cease to take my breath away.”
Kurt is a pretty romantic person, especially when it comes to you. He showers you endlessly in love, rubbing his nose against yours, showering your face in kisses and becoming putty when you hold him, even if it’s just by his arm! He cherishes moments where the both of you hang out, especially by gardens where he makes cute flower crowns with you. Though just any moments with you are the highlight of his day. On missions, you two synergize perfectly well with the blue mutant complimenting you on your moves and takedowns of foes.
Kurt is an expert at physical touch for a love language, but he’s just as amazing with his words, especially with the nicknames he’s given you. He’ll make sure everyone knows that you are his Schatz, Herz, bessere Hälfte, and of course, Liebe meines Lebens. To you, he’s a lot like a little puppy; Full of energy and always waiting for your attention and affection given to him. The team thinks you two are cute even if they find it a bit annoying that Nightcrawler is always teleporting you two all over the place. It’s not too bad though since the sound of your mixing laughter is enough to make everyone’s hearts soar happily.
Rouge
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“Hey, Sugar! I missed you so much today! Now come here, I at least want a hug!”
Rogue is super careful of you. You are just too precious to her and she doesn’t want to hurt or break you with her powers. So she makes sure you both have ways of showing one another how much you love each other, especially herself. Outside of soft hugs, she tries her best to give you a hand covered kiss. Though she can be super cheesy and exchange indirect kisses with rocks, feed you while chuckling at how adorably you stare at her like she hung the stars above. She’ll even have you both set up for dinner plans and fly you around in the sky if you ever want to destress from work as a X-Man.
You both have a cute relationship, even if there are moments where Rogue wonders if she deserves you or if she will ever be enough for you due to her destructive powers and the possibility she will never be able to touch you. These revelations have led to emotional nights, but the promise you make to touch her and make her the happiest woman in the world always makes Rogue realize that she is beyond lucky to have you. You make her want to find a way to touch you no matter what. And mark her words, she will.
Wolverine
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“Woah, little pup. I was just gone for a few hours, you act like I went to war or something! Aw, screw it, come here.”
Logan has fallen in love with many men and women during his years of living. But damn has he never met anyone quite like you! When he met you, he thought your whole sweetheart shtick was fake, no offense. He thought it was some trick used to get people to lower their guards around you so you can get the upper hand on them. But when he found out you really were the sweet soul everyone hyped you up to be, he slowly but surely fell for you. He fell for how you spoke to him with such understanding and patience. The way you touched him was with the utmost care when you took care of him and helped him clean blood from your adventures with him that got out of hand.
Logan fights for many people, but for you he will kill anyone that hurts you or makes you cry. Your smile lights up his whole life, your laugh pushes him to be stronger to preserve it and your touch makes him feel alive in a world that always knocks him down. If it’s not the X-Men, Wolverine usually fights for himself and only himself. But now that he has you to lose, he fights for the both of you and a future where you both can live a peaceful life you’re both proud of.
If you got any requests for X-Men '97, Blue Eye Samurai, and or Arcane, send them my way!
Likes and retweets are always appreciated! I love you all, stay hydrated and have a good day! <3
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nonbinarymissdude · 2 years
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omg redo? naur
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pixiesfz · 8 months
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would you write for alexia putellas?
okay I always find it hard to write for Alexia but I finally thought of a good plot
inspired by Olivia Rodrigo's unaired song
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prison for life a.p
plot: you've always been independent in life but when Alexia walks in you cant help but want her to protect you.
warning: idk
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You sat in front of an interviewer in front of the goal posts as he asked questions about your new signing to Barcelona FC.
"So what caused the change from United to here?" he asked and you smiled "Change of scenery I think, there is nothing wrong with the club and I cherish every memory I have there" The interviewer nodded his head "So you don't feel for the comments saying you are moving just to get wins under your belt?" he asked slowly, almost as if he was scared to ask the question.
Your eyes slightly squinted at him but you leaned back as you remembered it is only his job "I'm a big girl" you smirked "I'm not going to listen to comments left on my Instagram because they're not the ones controlling my movements, I am" you said with a nod.
The interviewer smiled, impressed with your answer as the camera stopped rolling "You're very good with the media" he complimented you as he packed up his set "thanks" you smiled before returning to practice.
As you reached the other side of the pitch Keira turned to you "any personalized questions?" she asked and you shrugged "talked a little bit about the rumors of why I moved but that's all" Keira nodded "I will say in this team you get asked more personal questions so I'm here if you need" she suggested and you nodded "I'll be fine" you reassured her "yeah?" she asked "I'm good at protecting myself".
You had moved to Barcelona for a change of scenery but to also spend more time with your girlfriend Alexia who lived and breathed the club.
She was injured at the moment so she wasn't at a lot of the trainings and would appear at some games, she was very protective but you knew that... to an extent.
Your whole life you had protected yourself from the prying eyes of others and didn't rely on anyone else so whenever someone offered to help you, you always declined.
They didn't need to, you had yourself sorted.
But as your early weeks turned into months at Barcelona more interviewers and fans started asking more questions and players on the pitch were starting to recognize some of your go to traits which ended in more tackles, risky tackles.
You had never played in the same team as Alexia yet but as she was getting better and sat on the bench you saw her eyes darken whenever a tackle on you was played.
When the game ended you walked over to the bench where she sat and took the water bottle she had out for you "you know if looks could kill Ellie Carpenter would be six feet under" you joked as the girl had slide tackled you at least five times during the game.
"I don't like it when they try and hurt you" she shrugged and you smiled, leaning over to place her hair behind her ear "it's apart of the game Ale, it's her job and she is good at it." you told the blonde and she rolled her eyes "they hurt you, I hurt them" she shrugged before walking off into the change rooms.
You stayed in your place as you watched her go.
"She's so protective of you" Mapi scoffed as she watched your interaction with Ingred "you know it wouldn't hurt if you were that protective over me" Ingred teased "Alexia would go to prison for life if anyone laid a finger on her"
You furrowed your eyebrows at the couple as they walked away from you still babbling about how Mapi could be more protective of Ingred.
You looked around the crowd before walking around to say hello and sign t-shirts for the crowd.
You always did the lap, some girls stopped every now and then because some of the fans could be too much but you were always good, protecting yourself when something would go too far.
But when a man tried to convince you to take off your playing shirt and give it to him you thought about Mapi's words.
You wish you had Alexia here to protect you.
But you had never invited her too, always making excuses for people or sticking up for yourself.
You knew you could protect yourself but you wouldn't mind Alexia saving you.
You bid the man farewell as he groaned at your non-willingness to take off the top.
When you went home that night you took another hot shower as Alexia cooked dinner you couldn't stop smiling over the fact that Alexia cared so much about you.
When you got out of the shower and changed, you went to the kitchen and wrapped your arms around Alexia's toned stomach.
"comfortable?" she asked and you nodded "very" Alexia laughed "almost done, go put something on the TV" she suggested and you nodded, kissing her back which was covered by a singlet and walking to the couch and picking a television show.
You sat in the corner as you waited for Alexia, your mind wondering into situations where Alexia could save you and how her arms could hold you oh her arms-
"penny for your thoughts?" Alexia said as she put your plate down in front of you "not thinking much" you shrugged and Alexia rolled her eyes "I know when something is on your mind amor" she said and you ducked your head into your arms out of embarrassment.
"It's silly"
"I doubt it is" Alexia moved closer to you and picked up your head with her fingers so you would face her "are you okay?"
"I'm fine I just-" you stopped yourself and Alexia nodded for you to go along.
"Well my whole life I've always stood up for myself and solved my all problems" you started and Alexia nodded "I know, it's one of the things I love about you"
You blushed as she kissed your cheek "And today when I saw your eyes on the pitch and then what you said after the game I realized that I can also allow you to protect me" you said softly
"And I just really like the fact that I have you and that you care about me so much to even suggest hurting someone who hurt me" you laughed at the end.
"I would do more than just hurt them" Alexia quipped and you smirked "would you say you would end up going to prison?" you asked, thinking of Mapi's comment from earlier.
"For life".
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i-cant-sing · 9 months
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Just thinking about Yandere Todoroki clan and reader's random moments.
Reader coming home after a particularly bad day, but poor girl cant even cry or complain without everyone immediately overreacting and pulling you out of school/college or even keeping you from going out at all. So now, reader has to either cry in self pity before she enters her home, wipe her tears and fix herself just enough to show that she hadnt just bawled her eyes out moments ago. That, or do the more risky thing and go home, go to your room and cry under the covers, but then theres always the chance of Rei or the others walking in on you any moment.
Also thinking about baby/toddler reader being sick, just a common cold or flu, nothing major. But with reader whining and being so young, the family's infantalisation goes through the roof and theyd treat you as if you were immunocompromised. I wont lie, but I think Rei is almost kinda... glad when you get sick? She enjoys you being dependant on her for the most things, even when you grow up and are able to handle a cold, she still deludes herself into thinking that you need mommy to come and help you.
I think the one person who is most affected by reader getting sick, no matter what age, is Enji. The man just cant help but view you as a fragile, starving Victorian child the moment you fall ill. In his eyes, even a harsh blow of air is too much for a fragile thing like you, let alone something as bad as the flu. He just- he's holding toddler reader in his arms, who snuggles into his warm body, your tiny nose pink and he cant get the image of you crying and vomiting and being oh so feverish- thats just way too much for your small body. Oh how he almost cried when he took you to the doctor for a shot and you clung to him, trying to bury yourself into him as you begged him to make you feel better, cried to him that you didnt want to get the "big scary needle!" He just had to hold you there in his firm grip as you writhed, had to look away when you looked at him and he saw the feeling of betrayal in your eyes, had to keep himself from not strangling the fucking doctor for not being careful, had to walk out of the clinic and hand you to Rei because he couldnt hear you cry anymore, had to have Rei console both you and Enji (assuring him that "no, Enji. Y/n doesnt resent you for making her get a shot.") and he couldnt even sleep a wink that night because he was standing by your bed, holding your tiny hand with his pinky as a tear finally slipped out of his eye.
ALSO thinking about adult reader going out of the house to meet up with friends, except shes meeting up with them at a club instead of at their house like she told Enji and Rei, and now shes standing outside, abandoned by said friends, and shes now running because a group of pervy men are chasing her and she doesnt know who to call, so she just speed dials Shotou, except someone just changed all your speed dials to one number, and you think youre doomed when Shotou doesnt say a word to you and just hangs up when within minutes, someone comes in front of you-
"Dabi?" He tells you to cover your ears and look away, and you know well by know what that means, so you obey, feeling a bit regretful as those men begin to scream in agony. You dont know how long its been until Dabi pulls your hands away and examines your wounds. He lets you crash into his chest as you sob, and this time, Dabi simply decides to take you home quietly without a lecture.
Hmmm, also thinking about Natsuo who is usually cool as a cucumber, the most normal being in the family, except for his very rare episodes of unbridled rage where he suddenly becomes the Hulk. Good thing for you is that this anger is never directed towards you, rather towards people who actively threaten your life (except Rei cause she gets to play "Im your mom who became mentally unstable because of your abusive dad") The only time NAtsuo is stern with you is when it comes to your health. He's just looking at you with those strict eyes when you refuse to take your multivitamins, or dont want to get a flu shot, or try to make up an excuse so that he cant check your vitals. And when he just grabs your wrist and pulls you to sit down so that he can do his checkup, its in those moments that you realise just how strong your brother is... and how easy it may be for him to overpower you and sedate you if he ever followed through Rei's threats.
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auset66 · 4 days
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What your inner child wants you to know (Never heard before specific messages). 🎯👼
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1. The Orange Girl 🍊
I see that you are a very practical and hardworker person. Past few days or weeks I feel is you are having some problems related to health or things just not going your way. I see the mental fog you cant pin point but things are just going wrong. A lot of confusion. You are also doing everything practical you can to deal with this but the thing is it is the matter of emotions and heart. 🧊🧹
Now the inner child of you wants to be free and have free flowing emotions. Now I feel you are that person who has been very emotionally detached from yourself as long as you can even remember living. Like you go and work hard and make things right physically. You might be that A class person "cold hearted" who is always about work work work. So why have you been like this? Because there is this fear of expressing yourself. Now I don't know if it because of seeing poverty or because of your parents being so strict not letting you be freely yourself. It could be many things, but the main energy the main source I see here is fear. That is now ingrained in your mind since the very young age. But you are exhausted now and your physical reality your health your body is giving out these signs. Calling you out to let your emotions flow free be the wild animal and live life freely in peace in happiness. What you can start by doing is maybe writing, drawing or even just try crying. It might be very very out of comfort zone but you can give it a Try. One thing you can do is write your feelings down everyday or everynight in the dairy or note app anywhere without any filters. Do what "feels" right. Very foreign to you rigth? And offcourse if you can I highly highly recommend consulting a therapist, not a psychiatrist, a psychologist. A good therapist can really understand all your problems and will help you out through this. That's their work afterall. What you need is therapy not medicines. Goodluck ✨️❤️
2. The blue walker. 🌧
Okay, so the first feeling I feel is happiness. Yeah I know you will be like... what happiness I literally hit rock bottom this time. Yes you did. I see a relationship or something very long term even could be your long term work it all breaking off. You lost something for sure or even someone. Whatever it was you made the decision already and are feeling a lot of uncertainty now about the future and everything. But (yes don't forget this reading) in few months from now you will see you feeling happy that type of happy you never even thought you could feel. You changing drastically growing naturally feeling natural and almost at peace. I feel whatever situation you left there was a lot a lot of masking up, a lot of chaos, people especially, lot of you doing and gaslighting yourself to do feel things you never wanted to. So this thing that ended your inner child is almost happy and thanking you actually that you finally let it go. All you have to do right now is to be patient and breathe. Rest. Let it flow. Whatever you doing right now you are doing right. You will see the change in yourself that you never even thought could happen. The change in your life the reality. Then look back at your life you had when you were in this "cage" I should say. And one more thing that I never say in my reading but it was strong so I see a person a good person entering in your life yes a romantic intrest. With this person you won't have to beg for attention or love or even have to pretend that you are Not clingy or that you are very cool person. You can just let be and this person will do everything without you even asking. You will be happy and feel free. Good luck. I honestly see a very bright and happy future and days. ✨️❤️🍃
3. The Green Rain 🍃
So I see you are a person who actually is really in tuned with their emotions. A good person a nurturing person. Having compliments about your motherly nature and being a caring person is not something new. So I see there is this calling in you which wants to make things right. Make the world a happy place. You love people and you are a humanitarian person. The thing is this energy is put on the people around you. Relationships, friendships and you know just these people. Most if not all these people are very immature and wants you to keep on giving and giving without expecting anything in return. Now the problem is you, that you think you feel that it is your responsibility to mother them, to nurture them to bring Them back to path. You feel like "give me all your pain let me alchemise it for you, because I know how it feels how to deal with it". You put yourself in others shoes, but the problem is these people are not giving the results back. They are just keep on becoming more dependant on you keep on taking all your life force out of you. Why you still think it is right even when you are so emotionally Intelligent? It is because of your childhood trauma of having irresponsible parents, huge mother issues. You feel if you won't do it everything will fall out. Your worth is only when you "protect" these people. What you can do? You should know that there is a line. The truth why you are still keep on doing it? And the truth is the trauma response not the empathy in this case.
The inner child in you wants to put this energy into something that will give the results back. What do i mean? Give a try to NGO work or becoming a clinical psychologist or world health or even teaching anything everything you can think of that will actually give the results back. Not the big manipulative corporations but the actual things that can help people not them keep on falling back to same cycle with you repetiting the same. You want to give to the world and you want results back. If you invest money in charity you want them to be invested in what charity told it will be invested it and not in their bank accounts becoming black money.
And yes the person whoever it is you are romantically involved in yes even if it is just a situationship. leave.You and me we both know how sneaky and immature this person and won't ever grow and especially never with you. The happy family dream... this person is far from that. Don't waste your wisdom and energy on these energy Sucker people in your life and put them into those who actually needs it. That's what your inner child wants. To make things equal and right. The change in world won't happen if you keep on mothering a litreal adult with mommy issues. Goodluck. 🍃❤️✨️
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monacodarling · 9 months
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Cant stop thinking about how paradoxical Charles and Max are I mean the narrative is there right but
Max growing up in a harsh condition—almost to the breaking point. Wanting nothing but to be the best. Conditioned to be alone. Used to being lonely.
Charles growing up in a loving family. Support from the family, having friends, growing up with different people hes still friends with today.
Max growing up under public scrutiny. Nothing like a famous father whose expectations you have to live up to. You can say he was born to race. That was his sole purpose.
Charles growing up wanting to be the best. The adoration and belief and faith from his family.
Max finally drawing boundaries with his own father. Christian and other people stepping in. Years of understanding. Finally in F1 in Red Bull.
Charles and his grief. One loss after the other. Finally in Ferrari, although a bit too late.
Max and his teammates—Carlos, and Daniel, and Pierre, and Alex, and Sergio. Some people he really start to let in, and be genuine friends. People like Lando start to come in. His demeanor slowly changes as people get to know him who he is and his love for animals.
Charles and his teammates—Seb and Carlos. Seb as someone who’s gotten to know what it’s like living with grief. Grief being a part of you. How much promises and faith weigh you down. Charles is very accessible. Kind and open to people. But he holds most at a distance. Like this is only where you get to only know me. This as far as you can go.
Max, doesn’t care what the public thinks, used to him being painted the villain, as someone who is angry and mad and raw all the time. But proves you can be as hungry and greedy as you can be, and only have a few people at your back. He’s fine with it. He’s used to be alone, he’s genuinely grateful of the people who’s been with him through thick and thin over the years. At the end of the day, he does things for himself. Because if being the best is his purpose in life, to make people happy, then that’s what he’s going to be. And if he’s tired of being the best, he can go because he knows there are people no matter who he is, they’ll be there.
Charles slowly suffering with the burden of the tifosi’s faith, his promise to Jules, his dad, to Anthoine. Charles wanting to be hungry and greedy but can’t stand of losing someone, of people abandoning him. Like I feel the more reckless and desperate he gets, it’s because he’s pushed by his own want. Sometimes what he needs to do and who he needs to be versus who he really is messes up his own vision of what he wants. He needs to be the best because it is a debt to be paid. And as long as it goes unpaid, he ignores the blood, he ignores the pain, he ignores the gnawing loss and sadness because he deserves it. He’s not winning, and he keeps on losing, and he is afraid if he’s unable to win, people will leave him. It’s either he leaves first, or he makes people leave, or in the end, he’s sure that people will leave him. He doesn’t know how to be alone.
Max with the faith in himself.
Charles’s faith of others towards him. Never from himself.
And I think that’s beautiful.
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harrywavycurly · 1 month
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YES TO A PART 2 PLEASE!!!
Hiii babes!!! So happy y’all wanted a part 2! So here it is and I hope y’all enjoy💖
A/N: if y’all want more updates on these two let me know because I lowkey love them so much✨
-find all things Lonely here✨
Tag List: @blckburd @fangirl509east @ell0ra-br3kk3r
Summary: You’re ready to talk to Harry but are you ready to hear what he has to say? Aka you tell Harry how you feel and he asks you to marry him…again✨
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Harry cant help the smile that takes over his face as he sees you walk into his living room. His eyes glance down to your left hand and he’s pleased to see you still have on the gold band he slid onto your ring finger in your backyard a little over twenty four hours ago. He makes a move to get up from his spot on the couch but you quickly put a hand up making him raise an eyebrow as he pauses his movements. He watches as you let out a deep breath before finally making eye contact with him and his feels his smile morph into a slight frown when he sees the sadness that’s written all over your face. Your eyes are red and the tip of your nose is pink and if he was standing closer to you he knows he’d hear you sniffling letting him know you were crying not too long ago.
“You can’t marry me Harry.” He hates how your voice sounds shaky as your eyes go from looking at him to down to your shoes. “You deserve to be with someone you’re already in love with and not someone you just hope one day you’ll wake up and magically be in love with.” He stands up and ignores your warning glare when he sees your hand start to grab at the ring on your left hand trying to slip it off.
“I love you.” His words make you want to let out a sob as he takes your hands in his and ducks his head down so you have no choice but to look at him. “I know it’s not the same as being in love okay? But I also know that I’ve never allowed myself to think about you in any other way than as a friend because I knew from that very first night when we met all those years ago that I needed you in my life and I know that feelings and friendships don’t usually mix well.” You feel his warm hands give yours a gentle squeeze as he brings them up to his lips.
“I just couldn’t risk losing you so I never let myself see you as anything other than my bestfriend.” His lips are soft against the skin of your knuckles, he hears you let out a small sigh as your shoulders relax a bit. “But that doesn’t mean I can’t. I already know the moment I let myself actually see you as someone that’s not just my bestfriend but as someone I’m allowed to be in love with my life is going to change forever but I can’t take that leap unless you’re taking it with me.” He can’t help but feel his heart begin to beat faster as he watches his words fully register with you. He feels his heart drop to his stomach when you just shake your head and close your eyes as an attempt to avoid his intense stare.
“I already took the leap Harry.” He raises an eyebrow as you turn your head and open your eyes, you know if you look at him he will make you crumble and you can’t, not yet at least not until you tell him the truth. “I’ve been in love with you for so long that I can’t remember a time where I just loved you as my bestfriend.” Harry hasn’t ever wished he could change how he feels about someone more than he does in this moment, he wishes so badly he could tell you he’s in love with you too but he just can’t and you know it. “So I can’t do this, I’m sorry.” Your words come out like a whisper as you slide your hands out of his.
You try to turn and make your way to his front door but Harry knows you so he anticipates your escape attempt so he is quick to grab your hand before you can even try. You make a small squeaking sound of surprise when you feel him tug at your hand bringing you closer to him and when you look up at him and see a playful glare in his eyes as he just lets out a frustrated sigh and shakes his head you know he’s not upset but more so just annoyed and you don’t understand why until he starts to speak.
“You always have to beat me at everything don’t you?” You can’t help but shrug as a small chuckle escapes his lips causing the energy in the room to shift from sad and borderline heartbreaking to more optimistic and comfortable. “Can’t even let me try to fall in love with you first you have to go and admit that you’ve loved me for a while now and then in the same breath you want to tell me you can’t do this?” He gives your hand another tug bringing you even closer to him making you have to brace yourself with your free hand so you don’t crash into his chest as he looks down at you with a pout you know isn’t genuine because the way the corners of his mouth twitch in an attempt to hold back his smile. “I don’t think so sweetheart.”
“Harry I-”
“Just let me catch up to you love.” He closes his eyes as he leans down and rests his forehead against yours. You can feel how desperately he wants you to give him a chance. “I just need some time to catch up to you that’s all, you have a bit of a head start so just give me a little time please?” You interlock your fingers with his in the hand that he’s holding, this little sign of affection makes him smile as he opens his eyes and stands up a bit straighter.
“What if you never feel the same? Will you tell me?” He just nods as he brings your hand to rest on his chest right where his heart is. “Good so then I’ll be able to divorce you and take half of everything and move to Italy.” He rolls his eyes the moment you mention Italy.
“You’d never move to Italy without me.”
“I totally would if I was divorcing you because you realized you can’t ever love me the way I love you.”
“So you’d take half of everything and you’d take Italy from me?” You just nod as Harry lets out a scoff as he gives your hand a squeeze. “That’s just cruel love.” He brings your hand up to his lips and gives your knuckles a little kiss before he lets it go allowing him to use both hands to cup the sides of your face. “You won’t have to divorce me though.” His voice is soothing as his thumbs gently run across your cheekbones and you know you look a mess with your red eyes and puffy face from crying but Harry doesn’t care.
“How can you be so sure?” You need him to explain it to you, to make you understand why he’s so confident in his decision that you should be his wife. Your question just makes him grin as he leans down and places a quick kiss to your forehead making your knees want to give out.
“Because how could I not fall in love with you? For starters I feel like it is my duty to remind you how beautiful you are because I could literally stand here all day and explain to you exactly why I find you so stunning but I also know you hate that sort of thing so we will just move on.” Harry shoots you a playful wink but you know him enough to know he means it, if you wanted him to he’d stand there and give you a detailed explanation on why he finds you so beautiful because he’s done it once before when the two of you were drunk and you called yourself ugly and he wasn’t having it.
“You’re funny and you even find me funny at times which is a huge boost to my ego every time you laugh at one of my horrible dad jokes. You’re so smart and I love the way your mind works because you see things in a way that I don’t which is why we make such a great team. You challenge me constantly. You tell me when I’m being an idiot which is often and you allow me to make my own mistakes but you always let me know you’re going to be there when it falls apart.” You lean into his touch as he talks and you feel your cheeks get warm as he looks at you with such intensity you want to look away but you don’t, you know he’s saying these things to you because he desperately needs you to believe him when he says he can love you the way you love him.
“I think the love has been there this whole time I just refused to see it because I didn’t want to lose you.” He breaks the eye contact and drops his hands from your face as he tilts his head upward and looks towards his ceiling as he lets out a deep breath before you watch him look back down at you while taking a few steps backwards. “Now I’m going to do this one more time and honestly if you tell me no I’m never doing it again so no pressure but the future of the Styles name is sort of resting on your lovely shoulders.” You want to roll your eyes and make a joke but you can’t, all you can do is stare at him as he quickly reaches into his back pocket for something before he drops down to one knee for the second time right in front of you.
“I know how to make you happy and I know how to make you laugh. I also know exactly which buttons to press to make you want to smother me in my sleep while I’m taking a nap on the couch, I know this seems crazy but if you think about it we’ve kinda been dating for the last ten years and we have everything two people need in order to have a very happy and healthy marriage.” You smile and give him a small but encouraging nod as he reaches for your left hand.
“We have the foundation of over a decade long friendship and we have respect and for the most part we don’t judge each other even though I know you sometimes send photos of my outfits to Niall and you two talk shit but that’s okay because I sometimes talk to Mitch about the things you would tell me about all your tinder hook ups.” He watches in amusement as your eyes go slightly wide at his confession and before you can say anything your attention is brought back to your ring finger as Harry starts to slowly slide off the gold band. “But most importantly we trust each other and we’d never do anything to hurt one another and also it doesn’t hurt I quite like how you look nak-”
“I will say no right now if you bring up how I look naked in the middle of your second marriage proposal.” Your voice is teasing but Harry doesn’t want to risk it so he just nods as the gold band is now off your ring finger and you don’t even know how he does it because it’s so quick but he manages to switch it with a ring that you know you’ve seen before but you just can’t quite remember where.
“It was my Nan’s but you’ve probably seen my sister wearing it but after an intense evening of negotiating I managed to get her to agree to give it to me.” You feel your eyes get that familiar sting to them as he slips the ring on your finger. “I hope you don’t mind Gemma as a name for our first born child because that was one of the conditions as well as letting her be my best woman at the wedding but the main condition she had for giving me this ring was,” Harry smiles at how well the ring fits you and how good it looks on your finger before he looks up at you, and that’s when you feel the first few tears roll down your cheeks because he’s looking at you almost as if it’s the first time and you watch as his smile grows and his eyes light up. “You had to be the one wearing it.” You look from Harry’s eyes down to the ring and then back to him as you feel your heart begin to race as you prepare for him to ask you the question this has all be leading up to.
“Will you please marry me and allow me to prove to you just how easy it’ll be for me to love you for the rest of my life?” Harry watches with a hopeful smile as a few more tears roll down your cheeks and when you just nod your head he feels as if the weight of the world has been lifted off his shoulders as he lets out a deep sigh of relief but to your surprise he doesn’t move he just stares at you for a moment. “I really need to hear you say it. Please.” You’ve never been one to deny him especially when he asks so nicely.
“Yes Harry I’ll marry you.” His smile turns into a grin that makes his dimples pop out and the corners of his eyes crinkle as he finally stands up and wraps his arms around your shoulders pulling you into his chest.
“Thank god.” You let out a giggle as he mumbles into the top of your head while your arms wrap around his middle so you can press your cheek against the soft material of his shirt. The two of you stay like that for a moment, just enjoying the feeling of being wrapped up in each other’s arms.
Harry is the one to break away from the embrace but just enough so he can look down at you with a quirked brow. “Would it be weird if we kissed? I know we’ve kissed a handful of times before and it wasn’t weird but is it different now? Or-” His words get cut off by you pressing your lips to his in a very rushed kiss but one that still makes him smile when you pull away.
“It is different now but it’s not a weird different.” You explain and Harry just licks his lips as he nods his head and before you can say anything else his lips are on yours but this time the kiss isn’t rushed and it feels like how kissing someone you just got engaged to is supposed to be, soft and sweet leaving you both with grins on your faces when he pulls away.
“So does next week work for you to get married?” You roll your eyes at him and ignore his question as you rest your head back on his chest.
“God we have to like actually plan a wedding now.”Harry laughs as you let out a groan and he knows you’re making a mental checklist of all the things that need to get done. “Where are we going to live?” He looks down at you and offers you a casual shrug making you roll your eyes at him yet again.
“We can live here if you’re comfortable with that? Or if you want we can look at some houses and find something that feels like it’s more us so you don’t feel like you’re moving into my house? Because no offense lovey but your house isn’t an option you have two bedrooms and one of them is the size of the closet I just have for my shoes and accessories.” You ignore his rude statement about the size of your house and smile at the idea of finding a place that feels like it’s just for the two of you rather than you moving into his house that he’s had for years and has seen a few other woman move in and out of it.
“Okay I like the idea of us finding a place together.” He just nods as his hands begin running up and down your back. “Who’s going to be your first call?” You know his answer but you want to hear him say it anyway.
“My mum so she can get all her ugly crying out of the way and I’m sure I’m going to have to talk her out of booking a flight out here and try to tell her to save it for the engagement party or something but we both know she doesn’t listen to me half the time so she’s more than likely going to ring my doorbell in a few days.” You laugh as he rambles on about his mom and you know even though his tone is teasing that he adores his mother and he’ll be a big teary eyed mess the moment she wraps her arms around him when she arrives.
“Mine is Niall because-”
“Niall Horan? That’s the first person you’re telling about our engagement? Really?”
“Yes because if he finds out through someone else it’ll just wreck him, you know he’s sensitive and besides I need him to get the big brother type conversation with you out of the way as soon as possible.” Harry rolls his eyes at the idea of Niall trying to have a brotherly conversation with him but he knows Niall has always been like a protective older brother to you and he’s been there for you at times Harry couldn’t so he’ll let Niall say whatever it is he needs to say and be done with it.
“You know he’s going to be a mess right? He’s going to cry and be all dramatic-”
“You’re one to talk about being dramatic Harry when you’ve literally proposed to me twice now.”
“I wouldn’t have had to do it twice if you would’ve just said yes the first time.”
“Someone has to keep you humble.” You feel Harry’s chest vibrate as he laughs making you smile, his laugh has always been one of your favorite sounds.
“And you do such a good job at it sweetheart.” You give him a little squeeze as he rests his cheek on top of your head. You feel your body start to relax as you look down at the ring on your finger. It’s a beautiful reminder that Harry Styles, your bestfriend for over ten years really did ask you to marry him and you really said yes because you love him and you believe him when he tells you that if you give him some time he will love you in the exact same way.
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lueurjun · 11 months
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“ let’s just get married ” | heeseung and jay.
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the boys reaction to you suddenly professing that you would in fact, like to get married.
. . . . . . . ꒰ HEESEUNG ꒱ ,,
give him a sec
he’s rebooting
his mind went through an unplanned update
because clearly there’s something wrong with it since he swears he just heard you tell him you wanna get married
“hUh?”
you don’t seem to catch onto his confusion in the slightest
because you’re just sat cheesin
you after breaking your boyf 😃
“like… in a couple of years?”
you shake your head, still grinning as though you just won the lottery
heeseung gulps so loud you can hear it from half way across the world
it’s true. i heard it from here.
to be honest—bros petrified
not that he doesn’t want to marry you
he has visions of it
breaking news! lee heeseung is really that’s so raven confirmed!
but now it’s perhaps a little too early for him
still the look on your face had his heart shitting itself
because you look so excited
and telling you to wait would probably break your heart
which lee heeseung would never do
cos then he’d have to go through me. and i have watched kung fu panda. i know my shit.
so he wraps his arms around your waist and draws you in until your foreheads are touching.
cant see his panicked expression if he connects foreheads
and with a thudding heart, he manages to choke out a reply
“then let’s get married.”
imagine i wrote ‘then marry someone else’. oof the drama would be out of this world
now it’s your turn to be panicked
because the reality of it all comes crashing down on you like a thundering avalanche
and suddenly you’re pushing him away
“i don’t want to.”
hA NOT YOU REJECTING HIM AFTER SENDING HIM THROUGH EMOTIONAL TURMOIL
heeseung just blinks at you
because weren’t you the one who proposed this idea?
what do you mean ‘you don’t want to?’
now he’s hurt
because why don’t you want to marry him?
“is it something i said?”
he’s frowning now, resembling a puppy that just got kicked
“no! no! it was just in the moment-you know? you just looked perfect and i felt perfect with you and i got carried away. that doesn’t mean i don’t want to marry you in the future! i think we should just wait.”
heeseung breathes a sigh of relief and pulls you back into his arms
“i’m so glad you think so because i am not ready for marriage yet—but with that being said, i will stick the biggest diamond on your finger when i am.”
compensation for making you wait—heeseung is in fact a sugar daddy 💸
he holds you tighter, and your gaze shifts to his ring finger, a fleeting moment of daydreaming how handsome he'd look with a wedding ring on
your mind is suddenly alive with visions of what married life with heeseung would be like, a flurry of images quickly cascading through your imagination
and suddenly, a familiar feeling tugs in your heart
cheekily, you grin up at him
“i’ve changed my mind. i wanna get married again.”
lord help him
. . . . . . . ꒰ JAY ꒱ ,,
did somebody say something?
no really…did they? he had earphones in and heard absolutely none of what you said
me every minute of everyday
he’s bobbing his head to his music without a care in the world
thriving in — unmarried — life, unburdened by any adult responsibilities or worries
he’s truly blissful
until you yank those earphones out of his ears and peer down at him with a scornful gaze
you could’ve sworn he had paused his music when you entered the room
“hey baby.”
i have been watching a lot of drew starkey edits and his ‘hey baby’ is imprinted in my mind so it must be applied to jay. i do not make the rules.
his face is lit up with an endearing smile, his eyes full of affection as he looks lovingly at you
which makes you smile and gaze back at him with the same expression
“i said, would you marry me?”
naturally, jay assumes that you’re just thinking about the future
which is totally natural in a relationship
so he doesn’t think anything of it when he shrugs his shoulders
“i’d marry you tomorrow.”
same. i’d marry you better than him tbh
now jay loves you
his love for you is as constant and timeless as the sun's relationship with the sky
but he wasn’t being literal. marriage is a huge step and as much as he wanted to spend the rest of his life with you
he felt he was still too young
you didn’t seem to realize that it was just an expression because you started beaming
and jay, not realizing you had taken this literally and assumed you just liked the idea of marrying him in the future, beamed back at you
“great! we should look into venues—no! why don’t we fly to vegas? how does one elope? jay! we should look into eloping.”
at first, he's simply enthralled by the sound of your voice
but then the words register and suddenly he’s hyperventilating
he’s so real for that
“wha- el-eloping? like-in the future…possibly in like five years? maybe seven—”
“no? now! you said you wanted to get married tomorrow and i’ve been thinking that maybe we should? i mean, i don’t want anyone else and imagine married life jay! it would be perfect!"
married life with you would be perfect
jay would love nothing more than to wake up beside you every morning, a wedding band adorning your finger and sharing the same last name
he’d love to introduce you as his spouse, the idea of it alone gives him butterflies
but marriage is a huge commitment
“i mean it would but right now?”
hearing the panic in exchange for excitement, the bubble surrounding you pops
and suddenly, you’re no longer the embodiment of happiness
but disappointment
forget ksi and tommy fury, im gonna be in the ring with jay if he doesn’t marry the life out of you
his heart shatters at the look on your face and that alone has him reconsidering
he plans to marry you in the future, might as well keep that gorgeous smile on your face and push the date forward
“you don’t wanna marry me?”
he reaches out to you, taking your hands in his and guiding you to sit next to him. the closeness is almost overwhelming, and you can feel the warmth of his body as he pulls you onto his lap
bro i’m blushin rn!! look away. i don’t want you to see me like this
jay wastes no time showering your face with passionate kisses, eliciting an gradually forming smile from you
“no. no-i do wanna marry you, more than anything! but it’s just a little early, we can wait a few more years. time with you flies anyway so it won’t even be that long of a wait technically, we’re just… a bit too young yet.”
he’s right, and you hate admitting it
nah don’t fold bae. get that ring 💍
slumping your shoulders, you nod your head with a sigh
“i guess you’re right. i got a little too carried away. i’m sorry, i didn’t mean to pressure you…”
jay shakes his head, planting a kiss on both of your cheeks, then your nose and then finally, your lips, though he lets that one linger
that alone manages to lift your mood drastically
“how about, we settle for a promise ring?”
your heart swells with emotion at the sweet sentiment and you find yourself unable to resist leaning in and gently pressing your lips to his once more
after a moment — or several — he finally pulls away and laughs
“i take it you like that idea?”
“i do”
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charmercharm3r · 10 months
Note
i cant NOT think about jeongin asking the 9th member for help with/practice kissing (the phrasing is weird but i lovee this idea 😭)
Masterlist
prev: three, next: five
☆゚
“It’s not that I haven’t wanted to… It just never happened.”
Jeongin was defending himself like his life depended on it. Not that he needed to, no one blamed him or thought it was weird— more of a pride thing on his end.
“You don’t have to explain yourself,” you crumpled the empty water bottle in your hand and turned to Jisung. Raising and bringing it down playfully onto the top of his head, Jisung didn’t run from the scolding. “Why’d you put him on the spot like that! What’s your dating history like then, hm?”
Jisung immediately skipped over to Jeongin to take him into an embrace while the younger attempted to escape. “Ew, hyung— get away! You’re sweaty!”
When he managed to catch him, Jisung rubbed his cheek into Jeongin’s shoulder, “don’t feel bad, Jeonginnie. I’ve kissed people, but don’t worry, it’s not that fun.” Jeongin looked at you with a face that begged for mercy but not attempting to push him away.
“He’s lying, kissing is really fun,” Hyunjin chimed in and took a seat the open space beside you. “Kissing me is even more fun. C’mon Y/N’ie, just one?” He shoulder bumped you and puckered his lips.
“Kiss each other.” With that, you excuse yourself to the bathroom, only to come back minutes later to find Jisung pinning Hyunjin to the floor trying to take your words literally. You turned around and left again before witnessing anything that’ll make your eyes burst into flames.
☆゚
What was probably hours had passed and everyone since forgotten about what had been said in the practice room, entirely too preoccupied with other things. Like singing lessons, for example. The session just didn’t go as you had hoped, that one high note was kicking your ass. As you walked through the corridor towards the exit, you could hear a soft voice from another occupied room.
Peaking through the small sliver of window, Jeongin was sat alone in the tiny confined space. You knocked twice before letting yourself in. He wasn’t startled, but surprised to see you, though the happy expression he wore quickly changed to something more melancholic.
“You’re still here? I thought your lessons ended an hour ago?” You stood in the door frame not wanting to invade too much of his space. Jeongin was always emotionally delicate, though he put up a hard shelled front.
“Yeah, just wanted some quiet before going home.” He twiddled his fingers, mind clearly not in the same room.
“Okay, wanna head back together? I can wait for you, I’ll grab us something at the convenience store.”
“Actually, can you come in?”
You closed the door behind you and sat in the spare chair. “Are you okay?”
He hated talking about his feelings, let alone things as personal as what Jisung had brought up earlier today about kissing. Jeongin has no idea how to go about it. He can’t articulate that he thinks you’re so pretty and that the way your nose crinkles when you laugh is adorable. It’s hard to put into words that he’s never kissed anyone because he didn’t want to waste his first with someone temporary because, “I only get one.”
Your eyebrow raised, “one what?”
His voice caught in his throat, hardly able to push the words past his lips, “one first kiss.”
“Are you still thinking about what Jisung said earlier? It’s nothing to feel bad about.”
Jeongin fidgeted a second longer before deciding to bite the bullet. “Take it. I don’t want it anymore.”
Fuck, he scared you. You’re looking at him like he has two heads and is speaking in tongues. “When you say it like that, I don’t want you to jump into things just because everyone else does. Don’t rush—“
“I’m not rushing. Like, the total opposite,” he sat on the edge of his seat and that much closer to you. “There have been people who wanted to kiss me, and I’ve wanted to kiss them. But I felt like I couldn’t? If I’m going to kiss someone, I want it to stick. Those people, they were temporary and I knew that, it wouldn’t have been fair to them. Now, I’ve been putting it off for so long that I think it’s not even an option anymore. But… then I look at you, talk to you, exist around you. It feels, for lack of a better word, right?”
At a complete loss for words, how have you not crumbled around him earlier? Let alone noticed he felt that way? You sat still with your lip between your teeth, running through all the possibilities that could follow if you were to go through with what he’s asking for. There was the fact that you already kissed one of them— briefly recalling your stolen moment with Felix— and that Jeongin hasn’t shied away from complementing you when he could or being all together boyfriendly. Even if you didn’t think of dating him, what harm could kissing him really do? If anything, doing it will satiate that need for the both of you, then close that chapter.
“Okay, but don’t tell Hyunjin. It’ll make him jealous.”
“More than when you kissed Felix?”
“How do you know that?!”
“I live with him?” He said it as if you were the stupid one to believe none of them would find out. Case in point.
You sighed, “yes, more than that time.”
As you moved and got more comfortable, he copied in sitting up straight and puckering his lips. “What’re you doing?”
“Getting ready to kiss you?” You rolled your eyes.
Jeongin came from a good place, even if he was entirely clueless. You suppose he was just parroting every time Jisung exaggeratedly tried to kiss the next nearest person. It was kind of endearing, a little geeky, but heartwarming nonetheless.
Putting your hands on his shoulders, you pushed them down to get him to relax. Then scooting your chair closer to his, you spread his knees to let your own take up that space. Jeongin let you maneuver him however you pleased, breath hitching as you stole his hands to place them lightly on the tops of your thighs. His hands were huge, not new information, but definitely a new feeling now that he was touching you. He was on the taller side, broader shoulders and probably able to wrap around your entire body if you hugged him properly. All those thoughts briefly swam around your brain just from the image of his hands on your thighs.
Jeongin was felt as though he was sweating bullets, but still immensely excited. Physical touch wasn’t his most favorite thing in the world, but he enjoyed it when it was you. These small, lingering touches, like where his hands were now, he probably enjoyed it more than he should.
“I’m going to put my hands on your neck, is that okay?” Jeongin nodded immediately, holding his breath. The warmth of your palms on his pulses made him shiver. “Don’t over think it. Kisses don’t need to be aggressive, they also don’t have to be too gentle. Just find a balance, not every person you kiss will want the same thing.” He nodded and absorbed every word that dripped from your perfectly plush lips. At some point he almost stopped listening and focused on your lips all together.
“What do you like?” He blurted out nervously. You giggled, oh so beautifully.
“We’ll get there,” your fingers traced back to comb through the hair at the back of his head teasingly, Jeongin almost fully leaned into it like a puppy. “Be calm. All the time in the world.”
Jeongin’s hands lightly kneaded the flesh of your thighs in anticipation, in need and desperation and longing to just feel your lips on his for the first time. He didn’t realize you were slowly drawing in closer and closer, then he could feel your breath fanning across his mouth and suddenly all the air was sucked from his lungs. “Make sure they want this as much as you. Look into their eyes, hold them tenderly, then ask. Can I kiss you?”
Glassy, watered over with all the stars staring back at you, “please.”
“That’s not a confirmation.” You were so close that the heat radiated off your body made Jeongin overheat in the best way possible.
“Yes, please kiss me.”
You were slow to press your lips to his, whereas as soon as the contact was made, Jeongin leaned further into you, almost shoving you out of your chair. Quick to push him back, you held his neck a little tighter and reined him in. Taking the hint, he put his excitement into his hands that now squeezed your thighs tighter and tighter, not that it hurt. His lips softened more, less eager but just as excited, he followed your lead.
The simple peck ended far too quickly for his liking, chasing as you pulled away. “No, no, more please.”
He moved to grip the bottom of your chair and tug the entire thing closer with the scrape of the legs on the floor echoing with a screech. Now you had nowhere to go, further trapped between his legs where you’d put yourself and Jeongin now reaching for your waist with one hand and the other cupping your jaw. And you didn’t hate it. Actually, you loved it. Getting attention from the one person that hates giving or receiving attention feels so rewarding, which is why you let him take what he wanted.
Long fingers threaded through your hair and tugged you to meet his lips half way, you fell forward into him and let your arms wrap around his neck. For his first time kissing, he was surprisingly well versed. Everything you’ve told him up until now he applied in his rather scattered yet charming kissing technique. He was everywhere all at once and it made your brain fuzzy.
Close lipped, simple, safe, eager, yearning, wanting, warm, fervorous, you didn’t want to let go almost as much as he did. Jeongin lightly whined when you pulled away, chasing after you again and keeping your upper body pinned to his. You hadn’t realized that your knees were pressing against his pelvis until you leaned a little back and he softly whimpered one more time.
“I don’t think you really needed kissing lessons.” He shrugged, smug. “Did you just wanna kiss me?” Another shrug and a crooked smile. “You little shit.”
“Don’t worry, I don’t kiss and tell.” You couldn’t tell if he lied, but truthfully you didn’t care, it didn’t matter.
Rolling your eyes again, he leaned in for a soft peck, molding your lips together sweetly, honey like moans being swapped between mouths.
That is, until the door to the vocal room was being burst open. You jumped in Jeongin’s hold, the both of you looking at who had just ruined your lovely moment.
“Oh, come on! Jeongin?! That is so not fair!” Hyunjin took up most of the doorway with Jisung peaking on his tiptoes over his shoulder.
A sigh fell from your mouth, patting Jeongin’s shoulders and reluctantly slipping from his grasp. He sat still, shriveling into the backrest of the chair as you gathered your stuff. “Aren’t you coming?” You asked him. Sheepish, he scratched the back of his head and pulled the hem of his shirt lower. “Nevermind, see you tomorrow, Jeonginnie.” He avoided eye contact again as you ruffled his hair and pushed past Hyunjin and Jisung.
The two followed behind you, bombarding you with question after question, mostly about how good the kiss with Jeongin was. Hyunjin was dramatically livid, nothing out of the usual, storming ahead of you and Jisung down the stairs to head home.
Jisung lightly pulled you back to a stop, curious eyes looking at you. “What is it?”
“I— I know I joke about kissing, said it’s not that fun and everything but…” he trailed off as though he couldn’t trust the words that he truly wanted to say. You waited patiently until he could articulate himself. “Can I be next?”
☆゚
A/N: it’s been a minute..hoping posting this can jumpstart me into posting more!! i really missed writing and finding this in my inbox after a month was so fun n cute to write, thank u anon!!!
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auras-moonstone · 1 year
Note
hi i cant tell u how excited i am everytime i get your notifications 😭😭 also i know if i send a rec you'll do an amazing job so i'm requesting one rn i hope u like it!
barista y/n and ethan landry who are coworkers after class, they're always teasing eachother and there is some (light) flirting
y/n hasn't realized yet how attractive he is, until he passes behind her grabbing her waist to get on the other side of the counter to get an order.
it's not rlly a plot but GOD i'm imagining ethan in his tight little polo shirt and the apron around his waist, his front curls w a little bit of sweat onto them while he makes coffee..... i'm so weak 😭
thank you so much😭🥺 i was so excited to write this! love the concept so so much. hope you like it 🫶🏻
glitch — ethan landry
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word count: 1,747
pairing: barista!ethan landry x barista!fem!reader
summary: ethan has a crush on his co-worker, and she doesn’t reciprocate that crush until one touch changes everything.
warnings: a bit suggestive, but no smut
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TRUTH WAS, ETHAN HAD BEEN SIMPING HARD FOR Y/N SINCE HIS VERY FIRST DAY OF WORK. How could he not when she had that graceful smile on her face that made every customer weak in the knees? Ethan clearly wasn’t not the exception, he could work-ship the ground she walked on. But the attraction was very much one-sided.
It wasn’t that he was invisible to her, but she just didn’t see him the way he wanted to. They did flirt a bit, but while he did it with the intention of making her notice him in a romantic way, she only did it for fun, there weren’t any second intentions involved. Besides, Ethan had to watch every day the way boys would hit on her and asked for her number and how she wrote it in the palm of their hands. It broke his heart knowing she would never see him in another light.
“How many times did you have to write your number in someone’s hands today?” Ethan asked faking a laugh as they closed the cafe.
Y/N rolled her eyes playfully “Today was a chill one, so not much.”
“Have you ever gone on a date with any those guys?” he asked curiously. She never talked about going on dates, or never mentioned she was seeing or texting someone.
Y/N looked at him with surprise eyes. “Eth, please tell me you don’t believe I actually hand in my number that easily.”
“Wait what?”
The girl laughed, and punch him in the arm lightly. “You do think that! God, Ethan. I give them fake numbers. I don’t want random people texting me.”
“Can’t you just say no?” Ethan asked confused.
“I don’t want them to feel bad.” she shrugged.
“So you give them fake numbers and make some strangers let them know the pretty barista gave them a fake number?” Ethan asked incredulously.
Y/N grimaced “Okay, that sounds bad too, but I least I don’t have to see their rejected faces and they don’t get turned down in public.”
Ethan laughed, and the pressure on his chest evaporated. Was it crazy that he felt relieved by this new information? A bit. “So that means that I shouldn’t bother to ask for your number?” he acted disappointed.
Y/N chuckled. “Econ geniuses are my weakness, so I would never give you a fake number.”
Ethan blushed and shoved her “Shut up! I’m not an Econ genius.”
“Anyone who passes that dreadful class is a genius in my eyes” she said, shoving him back. “Let me give you my number, but don’t ghost me, okay?”
“I would never.”
“Good, cause you’d break my heart.” she joked, writing down her real number on his palm. Her hand felt so good on his, Ethan wished she would never let go. “There you go. Text me, we should hang out outside of work.”
“Really?” Ethan’s eyes shone and his heart started doing cartwheels.
“Of course, Eth. I actually like being around you” she smiled softly. Ethan would definitely mark that day as the best day of his life. “I can set you up with someone and we can go on a double date!” his face fell. So much for hoping. “Or, we can do something just the two of us. Now that I think about it, we don’t actually know much about the other. What a fake friendship we have.”
Friendship. That’s all he was ever going to have with her, and he needed to come in terms with it. Y/N was amazing, and he should be lucky to have her around, even if it was just as a friend.
Although, on a wednesday morning, the turning point happened. The university’s cafe was completely packed, and so they had to work ten times faster than usual. Stress filled the air of the small shop.
“Ugh, stupid machine! You had to choose this day to work like shit?” Y/N groaned, hitting the coffee machine. The coffee poured down slowly, and knowing it was going to take ages for the cup to be filled, she took one step backwards in frustration.
Ethan, who was trying to get to the other side to deliver a drink, bumped into her. Being in a rush, he almost made her lose her balance when they collided, but he grabbed her by the waist just in time to steady her. “Sorry! Are you okay?”
Y/N wanted to say yes, but she was not okay. Not because he had hurt her, but because the feeling of his big hand on her waist left her speechless. It produced a glitch on her body, a malfunction that caused her brain to not be able to utter a single syllable. She only managed to nod before setting her eyes on the coffee machine as if it were the most interesting thing on the planet.
For the rest of the stressful shift, Y/N found herself sneaking glances towards the tall boy every time she could. She couldn’t help it, her eyes diverted on their own and every time Ethan would pass by her, her whole body tensed and yearned for one more touch.
Ethan’s electric touch had been like a bug that altered her whole system. How in the world did she not notice him like that before? The way his cute polo shirt hung to him like a second skin—giving him the look of a hot nerd that Y/N was now a complete sucker for—, the way he adorably frowned in concentration as he prepared a drink, or the way his beautiful curls sticked to his forehead because of the sweat—honestly, she had no idea sweaty men could be that attractive. That’s what Ethan Landry was. He was so fucking attractive, and now that Y/N saw it, it took her lots of self-control not to push him against the counter and kiss the hell out of him.
“Tough shift, right?” Ethan said as they cleaned the now empty cafe.
Her gaze dropped down to his arms, his biceps flexed as he cleaned the counter. He was so hot. “Yeah.”
“What’s wrong with you today? You seemed off the entire day.” he asked confused.
“Nothing, I’m just really tired.” she said casually, forcing herself to look away from him.
“God, yes. My body is about to collapse.” he groaned as he stretched his arms. The action cause his shirt to ride up, showing a bit of his lower stomach.
Y/N’s grip on the cloth tightened as she felt the heat growing between her legs. I get it, I’m an idiot for not noticing how hot he is! Stop torturing me, she said to her hormones. “Same.”
Ethan laughed. “Seriously, what’s going on? Do you feel sick? You’re flushed, your face is really red. Do you have a fever? I can finish cleaning, you can go home, or wait for me and I’ll drive you.”
And he was so fucking sweet too. She wanted to rip her heart out and give it to him. “No, I’m okay.”
But Ethan didn’t believe her, so he walked towards her and cup her cheeks, making her breath hitch. “You’re not. What are you not telling me?”
Y/N sighed, he was not going to let go. “Trust me, you don’t wanna know.”
“I wanted to know, now I need to know. Tell me.”
“I’m horny, okay?” she blurted out in an exasperated tone. “And it’s your fault!”
“W-what?” he took one step back, eyes widened.
“Yes, you put your hand on me today and I can’t just stop thinking about your long fingers on the curve of my waist. And you won’t believe half the things I’ve seen inside my head since. You have been driving me crazy the whole day”
Ethan’s mouth was dry. At first, he thought she was messing with him, but her shiny glossy doe eyes were telling him a different story. She wanted him. “Try me. No, actually, show me.”
And it was then when the cafe’s temperature raised, when lust filled the air and their bodies turned warm with need. Five seconds later, Y/N fastened herself to him with a stitch—she grabbed Ethan by the collar of his polo, and tugged him down to met her lips in one ferocious kiss. She walked him backwards until his lower back hit the edge of the counter. He moaned both in pain and excitement.
The girl sneaked her hand down his shirt and felt his toned abs, groaning in delight against his lips. “So fucking hot. I need you.”
Ethan grabbed her by the forearms to change positions and then turned Y/N around so that her back was against his front and her stomach pressed against the marble counter.
He bit her earlobe and then started dragging his wet lips down the skin of her neck, sucking on her sweet spot. His veiny rough hands slipped inside her shirt, exploring the skin of her stomach and then they settled on her waist, giving them a squeeze. “You liked this, didn’t you?”
“Yes.” she replied breathlessly, resting the back of her head on his chest.
“Isn’t this better though?” he asked huskily on her ear as he trailed his fingers upwards, cupping her breasts. “No bra? Lucky me.”
“Eth…” she moaned, clenching her thighs, desperate have him inside her.
Noticing that, Ethan used his right leg to spread her thighs apart. “Bend over the counter, love.” he commanded, raising her skirt up to her hips and unbuckling his belt. “Be a good girl and moan my name.”
When they left the cafe, they were both still flushed by the dirty and hot encounter they had. Ethan still couldn’t comprehend how the day ended—he had walked inside the cafe that morning, the idea of fucking Y/N didn’t even cross his mind because he knew he had no chance. And now he was leaving with his hand intertwined in hers.
Y/N, on the other hand, didn’t even want to think about her life before that shift, when she wasn’t at Ethan’s mercy, when she didn’t know he kissed slowly and with passion, that he was a very dirty talker, that his touch felt like heaven, that he loved being praised as much as he loved praising, that he made the hottest sounds and that even though he had been attractively rough during sex, he was a fucking sweetheart after it, making sure she wasn’t in pain and had a good time. Now, Y/N was all about Ethan Landry.
811 notes · View notes
h3arts4harry · 1 month
Text
- privilege -
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- one - two -
based on 'privilege' by the weeknd
warnings: UNRESOLVED ANGST, drugs, death, arguing, toxic friends
chris sturniolo x reader
-
"y/n i cant do this anymore, ive tried i really have but you-" chris backs away from me, struggling to find the words. "chris please, ill get better i-ill cut them all off, i please chris ill do anything" i step forward, tears stream down my face, he backs away again, "chris p-lease" my voice breaks, he shakes his head with swallowing shaking away the tears so desperate to fall "im sorry y/n, i really hate to do this but we're done." i drop to my knees sobbing, my head falling into my hands, chris has to fight himself to not comfort me so he turns to walk out the front door, "fine! LEAVE! ENJOY YOUR PRIVILEGED LIFE! SEE IF I CARE!" i yell, we both know i dont mean it.
chris checks his phone to see if y/n has messaged him but hes heard nothing since that night, not that he wants to hear that shes suffering, hes suffering too. he loved her more than anything in the world but he couldn't stand to see her destroy herself anymore, he tried helping her but she would just brush it off or argue with him.
the breakup hit me hard. i didn't fully realise it yet but it did. i got closer with my new, so called, 'friends' we would do any drugs we could get ahold f and drink til we physically couldnt take it in anymore almost everyday. i called up our dealer james, "sup y/n how you doing?" "i urm, good, i was just calling to see if you had anything on you?" "yea i just picked up some new shit, can see you in like an hour maybe?" "yea sounds good thanks" "aight ill hit you up when im there" "mhm bye" and with that i hang up placing my phone on my nightstand, laying on my back staring at the ceiling, waiting for the time to go past.
"thanks james" i say taking the bag from him "yea no problem, i'erd about your fella, these should be able to help take the blues away" he smirks leaning against my door frame, i nod examining the familiar bag. "imma head out, be safe now. or dont. up to you" he shrugs walking over to his car. i shut the door and head to the kitchen, laying the red pills on the counter before looking for something to crush them with. i pick up my credit card and cut it into lines, rolling up a dollar, then slowly snorting the powder hoping itll make me feel as good as it used to. its never as good as the last.
"just get in the car. you love parties itll be fun trust me" kayla says from the passenger seat, "ugh fine let me just get changed, ill be five minutes" i cave in, turning back into to house, i walk into my bedroom picking up a small black dress off my desk chair swiftly pulling it on, its looser than it used to be but i dont have time to look for another. i slip on black heels to match, running out the car where kayla, james, Allison, and tyler are waiting for me. "finally lets go" Allison says from next to me.
the next goes fast, i dont remember how many drinks ive had. i pull out my phone and dial chris's number while stumbling out into the backyard. "hello?" "c-chris?" "what do you want y/n?" "i-i miss you…chris?" "hm?" "do you miss me too?" "y/n.." "please chris i- i just need- i need to know" my voice breaks, i didnt realise im full blown sobbing into the phone until now"i cant do this. not to me. not to you. y/n please go get help"' "i cant chris! they dont care about me! they dont care about me or anyone but themselves! all i am to them is someone to drink with, smoke with, snort fuck knows what with! i-i cant do it anymore its to much.. they said our love was just a game but- but i dont care, i cant do this without you chris" i can hear his shaky breaths down the phone "y/n.. i tried to help you, for months i tried but you always went back. it hurts to much, i- i need to go" "chris wait please- just let me see you" "no y/n. i dont wanna hear about you suffering anymore. i- i cant." "NO NO PLEASE CHRIS NO WAI-" the small beeps were deafening.
"i know i said i didn't want to hear about you suffering but now if i could go back, i would've said that i couldn't hear you suffer anymore, it was so hard to see you destroy yourself, i thought that if i left you would've got help but i realise now that i shouldve helped you, i should've tried harder, should've forced you-" "but instead im stood here, talking to a headstone- shit." tears fall down his face as he sat kneeling at your grave.
you overdosed that night. you had been found laying there on the cold wet grass of a strangers house, drowning in your tears. because of him.
as much as his brothers constantly reassured him that it wasn't his fault it wasn't enough. chris couldn't feel anything but guilty, as if he had taken her life with his own hands. in his eyes he kind of did, it haunted him that he could've changed the outcome.
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my first request! thank you for sending it in🫶🫶
ive never actually listened to this song before but i had it on repeat while righting this so i hope it meets your expectations lol
as always feedback is appreciated <333
THANK YOU FOR READING
LOVE YOU POOKIES
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@m0r94n @sturnzsblog @junnniiieee07 @chrisgetsmewetterxo @raysmayhem-72 @sturniolo-slvt @mattspolitank @cerismo
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