#nothing in my fucking life will ever be more important than that. please know how much you mean to this. to everything

[maxiemclaren]

Flip It Back

Oscar Piastri x Fem!Reader

Warnings: slight angst, mainly fluff, light teasing from Lando

a/n: go check out the other fic by @kika-writes also i need to figure out my paragraphs I know

“Y/n come on just tell me please i’m begging you!” Lando whined for about the fourth time during the impromptu conversation of your love life. “Look Lan it’s just not that important to know who he is right now, it’s not like it will ever happen anyways” you sighed as you felt Lando clap your back. “Don’t say that you never know what could happen if you don’t try, now how about you go pack yeah?” You gruffed at his positive attitude and walked towards your bedroom, his luggage already sitting by the door for tomorrow's god early flight. 

“Hey Osc, look who I brought with me” Lando said, poking his head through the door to Oscar's driver room. “Hey y/n, how y’doing? We missed you in China'' He says standing up, with an unreadable expression in his eyes. “Hi Oscar, I’m well, thank you for asking. I missed you both as well” You say with a light blush covering your face, looking over to Lando who is watching the exchange happen, he raises his brow in a knowing look. You look back with pleading eyes that convey the message of ‘Do not say a word Norris’ He lightly tips his head and walks out of the room.  

As you wait for Lando’s media duties to be over you decide to wait in the drivers room. Suddenly there was a knock on the door “Hey Lan- y/n waiting for Lando i’m guessing” he says scratching the back of his neck. “Uh yeah you know me can’t leave without him” you chuckle out, you notice Oscar staring at you with that same unreadable expression in his eyes. “Osc are you okay?” you ask with concern, starting to worry. 

“Do you have a crush on anyone? I mean I’ve been seeing stuff in the media and hearing things around the paddock” He said in a rushed tone. You stared at him blankly slowly blinking “I mean, yeah, I do have a crush but since when are you one to believe gossip?” You asked a little agitated that he even dare believe what’s going around. “Well uh, I just- wanted to know who it was I guess” he said looking down and starting to feel ashamed. Not wanting to admit it was the Aussie in front of you, you panic and spit out Lando’s name instead. What seemed to be a wave of hurt crossing Oscar’s face you say “You uh should probably get ready for your debrief” wanting this moment to be over faster than time itself. He turns around and walks out without the usual pep in his step, thinking that you two could never be. 

A few weeks pass by and you haven’t heard from the Aussie, wondering if you can ever repair the friendship you two had. Walking into the paddock with Lando as you usually do but feeling a little less chipper when Oscar approaches “Look who it is the two lovebirds” He says with pain and agitation lacing his voice.

Lando looks at you and Oscar with confusion on his face “What are you talking about mate?” Oscar just scoffs “More like what aren’t you telling your friend, I know you two are screwing” He says with matter of fact. You growing more angry than anything you lash out at the dirty blond “Oscar are you off your fucking rocker!? Lando and I are just friends nothing more, also, where did you find the audacity to just accuse either of your friends such a thing” He takes a step back never seeing you so angry before, he starts to feel regret wash over him “B-But I thought you two were together when I asked you the other day who your crush was and you said Lando?” confusion prominent.

Lando lets out a belly of a laugh, as you elbow the Brit in the side “Oww y/n that hurt kiss it better” he jokes. Oscar standing there even more confused, he looks at you like he was waiting for something to happen. Lando chirps out “Look mate, I promise you we are not screwing or anything, in fact I happen to know who y/n likes” Looking at the boys petrified, Oscar and Lando stand there with their arms crossed “Well? Care to tell me then” Oscar asks. Putting your big girl pants on you decide to end this charade and confess “Oscar, Lando is right we are not screwing and he does know who my crush is and honestly never though I’d live to see this day.” You say stalling looking to Lando for some help here, and he does and says “Oscar, its you mate, her crush is on you.”

The tension slowly disappears, Oscar stepping towards you “Is he telling the truth y/n? Your little crush is on me?” he asks in a hushed tone trying to keep this moment intimate in the already loud paddock. You lock eyes with him and stutter out a yes, he grabs your face and asks you clearly “Can I finally kiss you?” You breathe out a breath you didn’t know you were holding and whisper “yes please” Your hands find a way to the back of his neck enjoying the moment. Until you hear little sounds of gagging from Lando, you flip him off and he leaves you two alone. Both catching your breath, and Oscar says “You have no idea how many times I’ve wanted to do that” you nod your head in agreement and walk hand in hand to the garage, not wanting to figure out what you two are yet, you just want to enjoy the blissful ignorance. 

[nt3000s]

im so lucky to know so many people in my life to have met so many people in my life that are just life saving ill never not feel lucky people are so beautiful and kind and talented and funny and have so much worth everyone ive ever met anyone in my life i have ever touched i just cant believe it ill never be able to understand it how important everyone is how much i love people the degree to whihc i love people and everyone i have ever met ill just never ever be able to express the depth of how important it is to me it might be the most important part of my entire life. i just need people to know how much i love them im desperate for it to be known how important everyone ive ever met is to me. all of my friends everyone whos ever been kind to me and whoever ive been kind to it will never be lost on me how important it is. and i feel so lucky to be graced i guess by my friends. i cant imagine the life i would live without every event every person who ive ever crossed. i would never sacrifice anything to not be where i am now because of the people i know and have known. the people i know and talk to everyday or the people i see in a notification or pass by. i cant overstate your importance to me. i cant overstate how important i want people to feel. i want people to see themselves how i see them. i can not overstate your importance to me and i love you. im so lucky ill never be able to take it

[autismserenity]

know someone who enjoys horror stories? share this one! it's true!

hahahahahahahahahaha aarrggghhhhhhhhhh 3,000,000 deaths due to COVID-19 last year. Globally. Three million. Case rates higher than 90% of the rest of the pandemic. The reason people are still worried about COVID is because it has a way of quietly fucking up your body. And the risk is cumulative.

I'm going to say that again: the risk is cumulative.

It's not just that a lot of people get bad long-term effects from it. One in seven or so? Enough that it's kind of the Russian Roulette of diseases. It's also that the more times you get it, the higher that risk becomes. Like if each time you survived Russian Roulette, the empty chamber was removed from the gun entirely. The worst part is that, psychologically, we have the absolute opposite reaction. If we survive something with no ill effects, we assume it's pretty safe. It is really, really hard to override that sense of, "Ok, well, I got it and now I probably have a lot of immunity and also it wasn't that bad." It is not a respiratory disease. Airborne, yes. Respiratory disease, no: not a cold, not a flu, not RSV.

Like measles (or maybe chickenpox?), it starts with respiratory symptoms. And then it moves to other parts of your body. It seems to target the lungs, the digestive system, the heart, and the brain the most.

It also hits the immune system really hard - a lot of people are suddenly more susceptible to completely unrelated viruses. People get brain fog, migraines, forget things they used to know.

(I really, really hate that it can cross the blood-brain barrier. NOTHING SHOULD EVER CROSS THE BLOOD-BRAIN BARRIER IT IS THERE FOR A REASON.) Anecdotal examples of this shit are horrifying. I've seen people talk about coworkers who've had COVID five or more times, and now their work... just often doesn't make sense? They send emails that say things like, "Sorry, I didn't mean Los Angeles, I meant Los Angeles."

Or they insist they've never heard of some project that they were actually in charge of a year or two before.

Or their work is just kind of falling apart, and they don't seem to be aware of it.

People talk about how they don't want to get the person in trouble, so their team just works around it. Or they describe neighbors and relatives who had COVID repeatedly, were nearly hospitalized, talked about how incredibly sick they felt at the time... and now swear they've only had it once and it wasn't bad, they barely even noticed it.

(As someone who lived with severe dissociation for most of my life, this is a genuinely terrifying idea to me. I've already spent my whole life being like, "but what if I told them that already? but what if I did do that? what if that did happen to me and I just don't remember?") One of its known effects in the brain is to increase impulsivity and risk-taking, which is real fucking convenient honestly. What a fantastic fucking mutation. So happy for it on that one. Yes, please make it seem less important to wear a mask and get vaccinated. I'm not screaming internally at all now.

I saw a tweet from someone last year whose family hadn't had COVID yet, who were still masking in public, including school.

She said that her son was no kind of an athlete. Solidly bottom middle of the pack in gym.

And suddenly, this year, he was absolutely blowing past all the other kids who had to run the mile. He wasn't running any faster. His times weren't fantastic or anything. It's just that the rest of the kids were worse than him now. For some reason. I think about that a lot. (Like my incredibly active six-year-old getting a cold, and suddenly developing post-viral asthma that looked like pneumonia.

He went back to school the day before yesterday, after being home for a month and using preventative inhalers for almost week.

He told me that it was GREAT - except that he couldn't run as much at recess, because he immediately got really tired. Like how I went outside with him to do some yard work and felt like my body couldn't figure out how to increase breathing and heart rate.

I wasn't physically out of breath, but I felt like I was out of breath. That COVID feeling people describe, of "I'm not getting enough air." Except that I didn't have that problem when I had COVID.) Some people don't observe any long (or medium) term side effects after they have it.

But researchers have found viral reservoirs of COVID-19 in everyone they've studied who had it.

It just seems to hang out, dormant, for... well, longer than we've had an opportunity to observe it, so far.

(I definitely watched that literal horror movie. I think that's an entire genre. The alien dormant under ice in the Arctic.)

(oh hey I don't like that either!!!!!!!!!) All of which is to explain why we should still care about avoiding it, and how it manages to still cause excess deaths. Measuring excess deaths has been a standard tool in public health for a long time.

We know how many people usually die from all different causes, every year. So we can tell if, for example, deaths from heart disease have gone way up in the past three years, and look for reasons. Those are excess deaths: deaths that, four years ago, would not have happened. During the pandemic, excess death rates have been a really important tool. For all sorts of reasons. Like, sometimes people die from COVID without ever getting tested, and the official cause is listed as something else because nobody knows they had COVID. But also, people are dying from cardiovascular illness much younger now.

People are having strokes and heart attacks younger, and more often, than they did before the pandemic started. COVID causes a lot of problems. And some of those problems kill people. And some of them make it easier for other things to kill us. Lung damage from COVID leading to lungs collapsing, or to pneumonia, or to a pulmonary embolism, for example. The Economist built a machine-learning model with a 95% confidence interval that gauges excess death statistics around the world, to tell them what the true toll of the ongoing COVID pandemic has been so far.

Total excess deaths globally in 2023: Three million.

3,000,000.

Official COVID-19 deaths globally so far: Seven million. 7,000,000. Total excess deaths during COVID so far: Thirty-five point two million. 35,200,000.

Five times as many.

That's bad. I don't like that at all. I'm glad last year was less than a tenth of that. I'm not particularly confident about that continuing, though, because last year we started a period of really high COVID transmission. Case rates higher than 90% of the rest of the pandemic. Here's their data, and charts you can play with, and links to detailed information on how they did all of this:

Here's a non-paywalled link to it:

https://archive.vn/2024.01.26-012536/https://www.economist.com/graphic-detail/coronavirus-excess-deaths-estimates

Oh: here's a link to where you can buy comfy, effective N95 masks in all sizes:

Those ones are about a buck each after shipping - about $30 for a box of 30. They also have sample packs for a dollar, so you can try a couple of different sizes and styles.

You can wear an N95 mask for about 40 total hours before the effectiveness really drops, so that's like a dollar for a week of wear.

They're also family-owned and have cat-shaped masks and I really love them. These ones are cuter and in a much wider range of colors, prints, and styles, but they're also more expensive; they range from $1.80 to $3 for a mask. ($18-$30 for a box of ten.)

[birdantlers]

A heartfelt and grievously expanded-upon update to this—please, please read the whole thing if you can. reblogs much appreciated.

(DISCLAIMER, for all who are saying reasons like abusive parents/legal stuff/toxic ex/triggering memories/page got deleted/job/stalkers/bullying/[[insert any other shitty life thing]], This is not concerning that—personal safety & health ALWAYS comes first, and is worth more than any media ever could be. This is my biggest reason for defending that autonomy. I would be a hypocrite to say I hadn’t deleted triggering posts of mine or ones that got me in trouble with my family.)

it genuinely makes me sad and kinda upset when someone purges all their old art off the internet like. barring harmful content what if someone liked that. What if someone would have. And now nobody will ever know and it's just gone. even people's old invader zim askblogs or whatever getting deleted feels like a micro alexandria to me and that's just something I made up. I wasn't even thinking of a specific one it just stresses me out. Is this the autism I don't get why nobody else seems to freak internally abt it like I do. I see artists whose blogs I've never even looked at go like "man so glad I deleted all my old stuff it's so clean" or saying they throw out art from when they were kids I'm like. how are you not hurling. How is that not distressing that is literally your tree rings why would you do that. I want to see what's out there. people want to see it I promise someone out there likes it

...don't they??? Does everyone get quietly irrationally upset by this as me, or is this just hyperfixation/autism/some amalgam of the two. I'm not a hoarder or obsessive compulsive or anything like that so i wonder..

Anyways. reblog if you had a favorite amateur youtube animator in your childhood whose channel got nuked without a trace one day that you still think about.

I wanted to attach this video because it condenses my point very well. A TLDR of sorts. Please watch the whole thing, it genuinely changed the entire way I think about art as a concept.

(2nd vid is "Subjectivity in Art")

“The moment your art touches an audience, the ownership shifts in an irreversible way. [They're] not having an art experience with you and your intentions. They're having an art experience with the art object.

“You can't just burn your past; it's not even your past to burn anymore. It's other people's history as well. Whether or not you like it, that art is already bonded to somebody's soul, and if you rip the art away, you're ripping a bit of the soul that has adhesive contact to it.”

The digital age makes it very easy to distance or detach yourself from the impact your work has—be it art, fanfic, videos, even memes. Online content is as important to people now as any other media, if not more. But it's also by far the easiest, fastest, and most effective form of it to erase from public access. Media so unbelievably important to people and in general. Yes, you—with the 2010s purple sparkle dog speedpaint. I still think about that speedpaint all the time, because it was the first time i learned that you could draw on a computer, and I thought it was cool as hell. I still do.

I do wish there was a stronger culture of preservation and consideration for this, because every time I see people talk about snuffing their stuff because it doesn't personally resonate with them anymore, I just think ...what about all the people it did?

I've seen lots of people saying "get over it, it doesn't even matter," but it fucking does. It does matter. Even if I didn’t make it, even if I don’t have to deal with being the one who made it, even if I'm naturally inclined to be distressed by it—It still matters. And there’s nothing you could ever say to suddenly make it not matter, because there’s nothing you could ever say to make it not matter to me.

Don't devalue the act of creation. Don't dismiss something you made. It's out there, in people's thoughts and hearts and souls, and that is real. Even if you don't know it. Especially if you don't know it. Especially in a world where physical media is being snuffed out, the internet is constantly dying without any physical remains to recover, social isolation is rampant, and simply because independently produced content online is still media.

Fanfiction can hold equal or greater significance to someone as a book, but you can’t unpublish a book. Authors don’t have a button that can vaporize every copy of their work across all time, but fanfiction authors do. I’m not counting people who download fics either—when you buy a book, that transaction is over. But online, you have the power of unending transaction that can be terminated instantly at your will. The process of publishing fanfic vs. publishing a book may be different, but people’s connection to the art is the same intensity.

So yeah. I do get depressed about the Internet being a constant Alexandria, but the times I get the most depressed is when I click someone's page and see that all their work is gone because they're ‘curating a new aesthetic’ for their page or some shit. Or weeding out all the "ugly" art. Or just went on whatever the hell 'thrill deleting' is, because they just get a kick out of it.

Fuck it—yeah! It upsets me! I’m not wrong to say that. I’m saying it!

Under the cut, because it got long as shit! Also don’t worry the ending is way sappier and more ‘beauty of human nature’ vibe so it’s not all doom and gloom lol

What if that was someone's favorite art of that character. What if someone read that 'cringe oneshot' on the worst day of their life. What if that Warriors meme vid is still burned into a college student’s mind despite being gone for 10 years. What if it's actually not just you and the ones and zeros you rent out to the world—secure in knowing the original will always be on your computer for you to do whatever you want with it.

I really, deeply wish there was more of a general awareness of this, because even though social media can be used like a diary, that’s functionally the opposite of what it is. It’s social media. When you post, it’s no longer in a vacuum, even though you can’t see the real humans that content touches—often deeply.

Media is history. You shouldn’t burn that history just because you personally believe it isn’t worth saving.

Because it’s no longer just your personal opinion. It’s no longer just your personal work. it’s. history. Memory of media is not a suitable replacement for the media itself. If it was, we wouldn’t save anything at all. Nostalgia is an agent of that. The definition of nostalgia is grief for moments of the past that are inaccessible, and the biggest balm for that pain is accessing a physical reminder of those moments. That opinion of yours is no longer personal. It’s weighed against uncountable people across all time that your thing is ALSO personal to. People who would, and will mourn its absence.

How many times have you joined an older fandom only to discover that some of its most popular works are gone? How many times have you routed through random blogs looking for scraps people hopefully reblogged? how many times have you used Wayback machine desperately praying that a fan fiction or a YouTube video will be there? How many times do you look up crunchy old vines or YouTube videos or anime AMV‘s? How many times do you remember old fanfic.net sex that impacted you in middle school, only to shake your head and go ‘probably no point even looking.’

i mourn the absence. No, people can’t and shouldn’t have their agency over what they post revoked, but they should be conscious of that weight. If you’re reading this and getting extremely annoyed, and you’re not in the pink text above,,,, good.

I honestly do hope it gets under your skin. I hope it sits with you. I hope you feel it every time you hit that button, and whether or not you do hit that button—if you hesitate, if you remember this, even spitefully, I’ve done my job. I am howling into the void. And I may not want an answer, but I do want my anguish to be heard and remembered. Because it isn’t me just being melodramatic.

I know I sound that way writing so much, but if my favorite writing YouTuber can drop trow this week and go, "yeah, sorry, all my video essays from less than a year ago that you listen to in the car all the time? I'm "rebranding" my content so i deleted them. besides, my personal views don't really agree align with the analyses i did, or the techniques i taught in them anyway. Sorry if some of the literal tens of thousands of you used them, but I don't want to feel shackled to having youtuber "classics" tied to me”

….then i guess I'm just going to have to sound dramatic! That fucking sucks! Hours of work and knowledge gone! This was a new channel too. It’s very likely there’s no archive of any kind, because who would think someone who worked hard enough to write, record, and edit hour-long videos, would just turn around and nuke it all? I definitely didn’t see it coming, but I did just start a new screenwriting class a few weeks ago, so I’ll tell you at least one person is REALLY missing those fucking videos right now. Because a lot of them were about specifically screenwriting, which I know jack shit about. and that specific person’s pace, editing, and style of breaking down information was the best suited style I found that I could focus on and absorb. There’s no replacement for that. No alternative for his individual perspective. his jokes. his opinions.

No, they may not resonate with him now, but in this decision, he’s put up a big middle finger to everyone who might have. And he has like 100k subscribers! Those are confirmed supporters! Imagine how many silent and untethered observers are feeling this loss right now. Imagine how many will not have it in the future.

If he never posted them at all, we wouldn’t know we had it. It wouldn’t be a loss. But we did. We did have it. Until he decided that no, we didn’t, because he just happens to be the one out of millions of individuals holding the button to burn it in a hundredth of a second.

His personal work, the attachment I had to it, and the ways that it helped me are now just ripped away. I am one person out of millions, literal MILLIONS of people who saw and liked this content before it vanished. The soul has been ripped, the access severed, and by CJ’s (and my) definition, the art is functionally dead. Not for the YouTuber or anyone else lucky enough to save a link or download, but everyone else. From this point until the end of time, even if people even two weeks from now don’t know it. Even if someone who stumbles upon his channel today, doesn’t know it.

We only mourn the concept of Alexandria because we had some kind of scope for what was inside. Yes, maybe you got self-conscious and deleted your 12 year old deviant art account. Do you know who else is doing that?? THOUSANDS AND THOUSANDS of other twenty somethings who ALSO feel self-conscious about their old socials. Art. Fanfic. One direction fan videos. anything.

Suddenly, an unquantifiable amount of information from your age group—an entire age group in 2012, is. gone. And we will NEVER know what’s been erased from that history. We will NEVER know what could have been significant to us ten years from now. Twenty years from now. A hundred years. A thousand.

You could have deleted a fanfic that would have been someone else’s new go-to panic attack distraction tomorrow. You could have deleted a video someone used to laugh at with their friend who died yesterday. When you delete something, you risk tearing a hole in unknowable personal histories.

The Internet isn’t just a big library of Alexandria. It’s a library containing libraries. And those libraries have their own libraries in those libraries have their own as well. libraries inside libraries, inside libraries, ad infinitum. To conceive the amount of destroyed history on the Internet is crushing.

And I just can’t help but I ask myself how in gods name people can choose to contribute to that, instead of reposting everything to trash heap alts titled “hall of shame” or some shit.

You can offload to alts. Put up disclaimers. Make password locked blogs, or dropboxes, or anonymous imgur dumps. Anonymous reuploads. Orphan fics. Make a playlist or linktree of unlisted videos. Cut off the watermarks. Delete all references to it on your main. Make a dedicated unlisted playlist. make a google drive. Make new portfolio sites. Delete any questions you get about it. Change pen names. Pretend it never existed.

Give a heads up.

Something.

But don’t. kill. the media.

The knowledge that our stuff is going to forever be tied to us is a cross we have to bear, but the responsibility that comes with putting it out there in the first place, can’t be ignored.

Anyway. I'm not trying to start conflict. This is not a bash on anyone, nor a call for witch hunts. Or anon hate, or blocks and unfollows or anything of that nature. I'm not wishing ramifications or hate of any kind on anyone who does wants to do any of this.

I'm also not guilt tripping— I am not saying that you should feel bad. I AM saying why it makes me feel bad. That’s not guilting, it’s a dialogue. One I personally feel is long overdue.

It's me yelling into the void: please consider the real people on the other side of the screen before you hit that button. Realize and know that whatever you're about to erase from history could be the most important thing in the world to someone.

Art is an experience. It's why we revisit it. If art and history simply lived in the matter and code of media, we would only need to look at it once. We wouldn’t put things in museums. We wouldn’t build libraries. We wouldn’t look up vine compilations.

If you're able, consider (and I do mean consider, this is not a call to action) not destroying that. And don’t shrug it off as some pretentious asshole venting on Tumblr. You only need to look in the notes and tags to see that it isn’t just me. it’s never just me, or you, or the pixels.

And even if you do shrug it off, then at least recognize that what you make matters. Whatever you think about it, if it’s out there, that's not your discretion anymore. If a tree falls in the woods and even one person is around to see it, it fucking mattered. Because it happened. Don’t mulch your tree rings if you don’t have to. Because if enough people do it, a whole forest is gone. Media is history, no matter whether you think it’s worth putting in a museum, or only has 30 notes.

Thousands of years ago, a child named onfim doodled on his homework. They’re crude, and everyone has the wrong amount of fingers, and they’re also priceless archaeological artifacts recognizable throughout the world.

the only thing separating Onfim’s doodles and your MS paint Pokémon doodles is time. The only thing separating your old MS paint Pokémon doodles from being a priceless artifacts, thousands of years in the future is time. Your creations are already priceless artifacts. No matter what you do, don't ever, ever deny that. It isn’t blowing up your own ass, it’s artistic and anthropological fact.

The mundane and the supposedly unworthy are often the first things lost to time, and that’s why they’re so precious. That’s why artists who were before their time are scorned first only to be celebrated later. Do you think they knew that was going to happen?? What if they nuked it? Many probably did! But now that’s happening exponentially and instantaneously everywhere, WITHOUT the artist having to destroy their only copy—which makes it way easier and more dismissable.

Sometimes, If you’re revolutionary enough, people will make an effort to preserve your work, but recognized and thoroughly recorded work is rare compared to unrecognized and thoroughly recorded work.

Sometimes something is beloved enough that it would be impossible for it not to go down in history, but even then it isnt a guarantee, and it’s rare. But if van Gogh burned all of his paintings in a fit of despair before his death, we would have no van Gogh. Because he wasn’t respected as an artist in his time, but that wasn’t what defined the worth of his art. The people after him did, because his art was still there for them.

If you rip the art away, you're ripping a bit of the soul that has adhesive contact to it. If you belittle your art, you belittle the very real relationships and emotions and revisitations people have with the media. You defy the inherent worth and weight of a creation. you created. That's effort. It's passion. No matter how flippant or unskilled or worthless you think it is, it matters. Because at the end of the day, you could have chosen to make nothing at all, and you didn't.

•

Muting notifs

[tearsofastraeax]

hello, i hope u’re doin okay 🫶 i wanted to ask you could u write smth where we have an age gap in our relationship w Simon (legal ofccc) and we’re a bit scared of 141’s reactions ? thank u sm even if u don’t feel like writing this <3

hi, hun. hope you enjoy ♡

⊹ simon riley never made a big deal about you being younger than him. he rather adored how sweet and innocent you were for him. he loved to have you by his side, and so he suggested you’d meet the 141. you were nervous, you weren’t bad with new people, that wasn’t it. but you couldn't stop thinking about what they might think, these guys were such an important part of simon's life, you wouldn't be able to handle it if they didn't like you. and what did your relationship look like to them? him being the older guy that spoils you and you being the bratty younger plaything? they probably wouldn't even take you seriously, maybe they’d see you as just another stupid girl. 

but simon was persuasive, he knew how to convince you to do his bidding. he trailed sweet kisses down your neck, whispering into your warm skin. 'they'll adore you, my love’, he'd say. his hands wandering from your waist to your hips, grabbing you in the sweetest way he could, just hardly leaving bruises behind. 'please come with me, just meet them.' he punctuated his words with a nip on your neck, his teeth grazing your skin, leaving a faint mark behind. you sucked in a low breath, hardly able to focus. his skilful fingers winding their way around your thighs, massaging them, and ever so slowly moving toward your throbbing core. 'trust me, love.' he captured your lips with his, pulling you into a dizzying kiss that left you breathless. you could only nod, barely able to register what you were agreeing to. 

            ⊹ so, the day came when you would meet the guys. with simon at your side, you stepped into the bar everyone had agreed to meet. your heart was beating so wildly in your chest that you were sure everyone would know just how nervous you were by just looking at you. but against your best beliefs, it was nothing like it. first, you met gaz or kyle, how he had introduced himself. oh, and how happy you were he was the first one of the bunch. with his easy smiles, he made you feel so at comfortable. so much so, that it barely shook you when you met the stoic captain price next. thankfully, the short-lived introduction was interrupted by no one other than soap, who with no time to spare swept you up to join him at the bar and ‘get fucking drunk, bonnie’. 

a few drinks and a couple of shots later you couldn't stop yourself, your brain-to-mouth filter having stopped working approximately 3 drinks ago. so you blurted out, 'I'm so happy that you guys like me, you know, I was kind of scared that you would think it's weird that simon and I have such an age gap.' you smiled shyly, immediately regretting even saying anything at all when everyone became a bit quieter than before. now you had ruined it. 

but instead, a low chuckle turned into a laugh. 'no, no, see we're happy for the old man here, getting some fresh meat', soap exclaimed, earning more laughter from the guys and you. except for simon who looked like he was ready to pounce on the poor guy. 

[dumplingsjinson]

List of random dialogue prompts (pt. 2)

“If you felt want and longing the way I did — the way I still do — I promise you’d be driven fucking mad.”

“I wanted the thrill of the chase more than I wanted you.” 

“You really couldn’t have been any more obvious.” “That’s because I didn’t have anything to hide. I was being obvious, because I needed you to know, without a doubt, that I love you.” 

“This is literally the worst moment for me to be saying this but considering how we could die at any second, I need to get this off my chest before I become buried six feet under, without a chance to say any of this to you: I love you. I’ve loved you since we were kids. I’ve loved you every second of my life; from the moment when I knew what loving someone really meant.” 

“I kinda knew I lost all feelings for you when I realised I didn’t want to communicate with you about the problems that were happening between us. I became complaisant.” 

“Loving you is as easy as overthinking everything.” 

“It’s… easy with you. Nice. I don’t have to be someone else to impress you, because I know you love me for me.”

“There are parts of me I’d never thought I’d show to anyone else, but then… You came along, and for some reason, you made me want to be honest with you; bare my soul to you.”

“So what in the hell are we? I’m not doing this unless we’re on the same page.” 

“Please don’t tell me we’re nothing to you… That I mean nothing after everything’s that happened.”

“You’re my emotional support human, and I love you so, so much.”

“If you ever need me, I’ll be right here. Just as I’ve always been.” 

“I’d let you break my heart, if it means I’d get to have you for even a day.” 

“You make me feel like dancing in the pouring rain wouldn’t be such a bad thing.” 

“You’re astoundingly unhealthy for me, but do I care? No, because I wouldn’t have fallen if I cared, especially when I’m someone who’s usually so careful with whom I give my heart to.”

“…I didn’t drunk call you. It wasn’t a drunk call. I called you, perfectly sober.” 

“You’re someone I want to tell things to.”

“What’s more important to me is that I’m your last love.” 

“This… This hurts me more than it hurts you.”

“Falling in love wasn’t on the agenda.” “Do you mean falling in love with me out of all people wasn’t on the agenda?”

“I don’t know, I guess I’m kind of in love?”

“…I want all of you. On top, under, whatever — I don’t care, I just want you.”

“Maybe I can help you forget about them.”

“It’s easier to pretend I’m still in love with them, than leave them in that state.” “You know you basically lying to them about your feelings is gonna hurt them more in the long run, right?” 

“Why does it have to be them? Why can’t it be me?”

“I’ll give you two seconds to take that back.” 

“You gotta work for it, love.” 

“We can pretend that didn’t happen.” “I’m sorry, but I’m not as good of an actor as you are.”

“I don’t know how to… I’ve never done this before.” “Then follow my lead, okay?”

“I’m someone who falls in love easily, but I’m also someone who can’t get over someone as easily.”

“I want to make this work, because I don’t— I don’t want to— I can’t lose you.” 

“You make me want to be a better version of myself.”

“I don’t wanna mess this up with you.” “You won’t. I promise, you won’t, so just… Do whatever. I trust you.”  

“Why are you smiling at your phone?” “…I was looking at the mail app, and uh… Received some good news?”

“Because love isn’t linear. You know that, right?”

“I’m not doing this for you — I’m doing this for myself.” 

“I’m sorry I couldn’t be that person for you.”

“I’m here to stay. At least until you want me gone, which I hope is never.” 

“Chasing you is like chasing the rainbow… It’s impossible. You’re always slipping away no matter how fast I run after you.”

“Don’t give me that it’s not you, it’s me bullcrap. It’s us both. We’re both at fault for this relationship breakdown.” 

“God, I just like you so, so much.” 

“I think I need to get over you for me to feel better again.” 

“You and your stupid smile… Stop that.” 

“I just need you in me somehow, please—”

“I really hope you realised they were flirting with you.” “…They were?”

“I’ve caught feelings for you, and I know you don’t like me back that way so I just… Wanted to tell you, before I decide to let you go.”

“I’ll be here to pick up the broken pieces if that’s what you want me to do, but I’ll leave if you’re not ready for that… For something more with me.” 

“I love you, but I… I don’t think I see a future with you.” 

“Give me a week. A week, and I’ll be back to normal. A week, and I’ll… I’ll be over you. Just a week and you’ll have the old me back. It’s that easy, I promise.”

“I kinda wanna give myself a concussion so I can forget about you and not think about you twenty-four-seven.” 

(pt. 1) | (pt. 3)

[oepionie]

—VOICELINES ABOUT YOU. various

Synopsis: Yuuken interrogates some of the boys on the campus about their special someone. Hearing their loving ramblings on you was certainly not what he expected.

Tags: Self-Indulgent, Fluff, Angst if you squint really hard, Reader is not Yuu, Tweels are a bit...too mad in love, I brainrotted so hard, You're Malleus' fiancee, Malleus doesn't know how to tell a joke someone help him

Cw. Riddle's Mother, Overworking, Hospitalizations, Poor living conditions, Illness, Bullying, Allusions to violence, Marriage, Tad bit of possesive behavior, Description of stabbing

WordCount: 2k+ | 💌Masterlist

R.R | RIDDLE ROSEHEARTS:

About: Riddle's Rose

"Rose? I see you've met that troublesome intern at the library. That's a nickname. Their name is (Y/N) and yes, they are my partner." "A-Ah? I'm so direct? Well, you asked me a question! Though...I would prefer that this discussion end here. I prefer to keep my relationship with them private.”

Chat: Childhood Memories

“Ever since we were young, (Y/N) was quite rebellious. The complete opposite of me as a child, really. They were always sneaking off during the night and coming over to visit me. Mother...didn't approve of them and often screamed in their face. I was quite terrified she would scare them away, though that didn't stop them at all. Haha, I think they got even more persistent afterwards. I am truly glad I met them.”

Personal Story: To the Hospital

“Again...? I see. Thank you, Trey. Hmph, I'll have to schedule another visit once more."

> "Riddle? What's wrong?"

"Ah, Yuuken—It's Rose. They've gotten admitted to the hospital...again. (Y/N) is quite impulsive and tends to bite off more than they can chew. On more than occasion, like now, I would find out about their hospital admissions via Trey days or even weeks after."

>"Aren't you dating? Why aren't they telling you?"

"They claim that they withhold the information from me out of concern for my workload or out of fear of being a burden. Though that is—a sentiment I don't understand. Nothing is more important to me than their health."

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R.B | RUGGIE BUCCHI

About: The Photo In His Wallet

"Where is it?! Man, I'm so fucked if I lost it—Oh?! Oi, Yuuken! That wallet's mine! Man, thanks a lot. I really would've been screwed over if it weren't for you." "Eh? The photo? Shishishishi curious, aren't cha? Hmmm...how 'bout this? You get me a steaming hot meat bun and I'll give you a story time about them."

Chat: A Hopeful Future

"My studies? Course I take them seriously! That's what's gonna' put food on the table one day. Plus, I wanna' give (Y/N) the life they deserve—What'd I mean? Well, if I'm going to be their husband, I want 'em to live comfortably. It's not like we need anythin' luxurious, anyways. As long as we're together and there's enough food to go by, it's going to be all right."

Personal Story: In Sickness and In Health

"....that's good to hear. Please look after 'em, granny. Love ya." The call ends and Ruggie sighs. "That's the best news I've received since."

>"News?"

"Guh-?! Man! What's with you and sneaking up on me!? Yeah yeah—you heard right...news. Granny just called me to talk about (Y/N), their health is looking up. Tell ya' what, I knew that deal with Azul was worth it. I managed to snag some medicine and send it home."

>"Oh? Medicine?"

"Yeah. Ever since my first year of high school, they were sick and bedridden. (Y/N)'s parents don't have enough money for a doctor, so there's not much they can do. Of course, I'm out here doin' my best to help too."

"I really...I really wanna see them up and runnin' again. Hey, who knows—maybe we'll get to make flower crowns for the village kids again...together."

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A.A | AZUL ASHENGROTTO

About: An Interrogation

"Yuuken, you’ve met (Y/N), I hear. Well, as their partner, it's only right that I ask you about it. I assume you don't mind. So, what is your opinion of them? Nothing short of perfection, I hope."

"Hm? You think they're nice? Good then."

Chat: Busy Octoboss

"With all the deals, my maintenance of my academic ranking, and my position as Monstro Lounge's manager, my workload is quite substantial compared to most. And, I regret to say that it does get in the way of my personal life, including quality time with my lover. It tears at my heart, yet I cherish how they're so understanding and patient. Still, sometimes I can't help but think I am undeserving of them..."

Personal Story: Deep Sea Bonds

"My childhood is not something that I appreciate or want to remember. Yet, despite everything I've been through, I do think it is pleasant to look back on the days when I met them. You see, (Y/N) was bullied too. They were just like me, relentlessly bad mouthed and hurt by the kids around us. However, they never failed to greet me every day with a bright smile on their face."

>"What a sunny person."

"They'd also always have the courage and bravery to stand up for me, often taking the brunt of the bullying. I wish I could say I did the same for them...but I was far too cowardly back then..."

>"Wow. You two must be really close, then."

"Of course. They've been through a lot.Which is exactly why I won't allow anyone to speak ill of them anymore." Azul pauses, smiling slyly. "Say, Yuuken. You'll tell me if anyone casts aspersions on my Angelfish, won't you?"

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J.L | JADE LEECH

About: A Helping Hand

"Hm? What's that? Ah, you’ve met my darling pearl. I see. I do notice how you’ve been frequenting Monstro Lounge lately…Have you perhaps acquired a romantic interest towards them? No? Hehe, Alright." "Now, to answer your question, yes, that is right; (Y/N) routinely comes over to visit and aid me in my Mountain Treks. I couldn't be more grateful for their assistance."

Chat: The Pearl Ring

"Oya? I see you're curious about the ring I've been crafting. Well, it's for (Y/N). You see, in merfolk culture, we create handcrafted jewelry to serve as a courting gift. This is one of many ornaments I plan on giving them. Though, this one is...particularly unique. Ah, well...(Y/N) Leech does have a nice ring to it, does it not?"

Personal Story: A Jaded Reaction

"Oya? (Y/N) is spending the night at Ramshackle? Whatever reason for?"

>"Grim wanted to have a game night."

"Ah. I see. How...lovely. What's that? My smile is frightening you? Oho, now is it? Hehe, my deepest apologies. We eels tend to be quite...protective. I so anticipate you to take good care of them. And fret not, as long as you keep them away from any harm, no disputes shall arise."

>"Uh...and if something happened?"

"What if something happened...? Well, I'm sure you wouldn't mind being hunted down the face of the earth, tied up, and pulled down to the deepest pits of the blue ocean, where no one can hear your anguished cries for help...Would you?" 

>"..."

"Just joking. I would never do that."

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F.L | FLOYD LEECH

About: A Sea Walnut

"(Y/N)? Aha~~~ You've heard of my little sea walnut? They're so adorable and squishy, yanno!—Is there a problem? If you got a problem with 'em, I'll squeeze you." "Oh? Not scared at all, huh? Ehe~ You sure are ballsy. Tread carefully now, shrimpy~!"

About: Ocean Currents

"Whenever a strong ocean current comes, sea walnut always huddles close to me and grabs my arm. They've always been afraid of being blasted away."

"They used to do that a lot when we were kids, but it never gets old. Hehe~ Sometimes, I lead them to places where the waves are strong, jus' so they can cling onto me! It's so funny to see 'em get afraid and scramble after me when I move too far away. "

Personal Story: Shark Attack

"Hmm~? Oh, what're these bite marks? Rad, aren't they? I got them after fighting a buncha' sharks."

>"Sharks?! Why would you do that?"

"To get these. It's shark teeth. Our anniversary is comin' up, and Jade suggested that I should make some jewelry for them. It's a merfolk courting thing. Azul 'n Jade told me to get them pearls, but I thought that was boring. So, I'm making one with shark teeth instead! Isn't that cool~?"

>"I-I guess, but what happened to the sharks?"

"Ugh. None of them were a fun hunt. The entire hoard swam away so fast. Can you believe it???… I’m not the typa eel who would let my prey get away that easily, though. And it’s not like I had anything better to do. Ehehe! There were so many of those sharks swarming around, but I managed to squeeze them all! Well, it was worth it in the end cuz I got what I wanted. I'll do anythin' for my little sea walnut~"

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J.V | JAMIL VIPER

About: A Hearty Meal

“What am i doing? Well, I'm making some Roast Chicken with Sumac Flatbread. Oh? Who's (Y/N)? Ah, Kalim must have told you, huh. (Y/N) is my partner. They are truly wonderful."

"For example—Though I like to think I'm skilled at disguising my true feelings, the moment I go to see them, they already know what I'm thinking. They have a keen sense of intuition and always seem to know what I need and when I need it. Truly, I'm grateful for such a caring—Ah, I'm sorry. I was rambling again."

Chat: Snake-Eyed Envy

"I can't dispute that a lot of people back home are vying for their affection.That bothers me at times. As Kalim's babysitter-ehem, retainer, I don't have enough time to check in on them every day...However, as cheesy as it sounds, I have yet to meet someone who is as smitten with (Y/N) as I am."

Personal Story: World Left Unsaid

"I soon understood that I was more than the circumstances of my birth, all thanks to (Y/N). In fact, My bond with Kalim has become stronger and more genuine thanks to them. I...realized my hatred for Kalim was just my desire for my circumstances to be different...I didn't hate him at all. Without (Y/N), I would never have understood it."

>"They must be very important to you, Jamil."

"Absolutely. I was terrified that I might lose them after my overblot. But to my surprise, they stayed with me. Naturally, it hurt them, but they were really compassionate towards me and about how much I had to go through."

>"Do they know of what you feel?"

"I...I don't think (Y/N) realizes just how much I cherish them. I don't think now's the right time for that though. I've hurt them too much and I still have a long way to go before I fix things."

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M.D | MALLEUS DRACONIA

About: He's Engaged?!

"I am, indeed, betrothed. Heh. Why are you looking so bewildered, Child of Man? If I'm going to be a king someday, it only makes sense that I would need someone to reign alongside me, no? At first glance, (Y/N) may seem aloof, but as you get to know them more, you'll see that they are actually incredibly lovely and warm."

"You never thought I was one for romance? My, my... What a bold statement, you best learn how to hold your tongue. Have you considered that I could use lightning to smite you where you stand?...Now, now—That was a joke. You don't have to cower in fear."

Chat: Safe And Sound

"My precious treasure tells me that I tend to get protective at times. Though can you really fault a lover for wanting to protect the one who is most important to them in this cruel, ruthless world. One where others will not hesitate to turn on you?"

Personal Story: The Art Of War

"I am actually the first of my lineage to wed someone who is not a noble. You see, (Y/N) is a knight-in-training. And, as you can probably guess, they served as my retainer. To see them at work was truly a magnificent sight to witness. They command attention and radiate strength. While I had always admired them, I could not bring myself to express my true feelings to them. Until...that night."

>"That night?"

"Yes. On the evening of Silver's 16th birthday, someone had rushed at me with a dagger in hand. (Y/N) was the first to respond and took the hit for me...The sound of their screams as the knife tore through their flesh was truly...horrifying."

>"That's horrible! What happened to the guy?"

"Worry not, he was taken care of accordingly....If there is anything I’ve learned from Lilia's many teachings, it’s that the worst calamities that befall an army arise from hesitation. To avoid further offensives, one must deal with and eliminate adversaries as soon as possible. Don't you think so?"

Likes and Reblogs are greatly appreciated and are very motivating on my end!

Taglist: @keedas @spadecentral @crypticbibliophile @pastellepastary @cassidycampfire @cocomollo @poisonioushearts @anonima-2 @kawaiipotatoghost @ramvuda @sweeneyblue1 @the-lost-anime-dad @chuuchuudreams @taruruchi

↳ want to be added?

[jamespotterismydaddy]

Blood or Contract

aemond x wife!reader

A/N: writing this made me a tad bit sad but I hope the requester enjoys😭 request is here

summary: your husband finds humour in harsh words spewed at your family

TW: angst

word count: 762 words

When Vaemond Velaryon spoke that filth about your mother, about you and your siblings, you had of course expected your husband to support you in your rage. All Aemond did was smile. You even believe that he would have laughed if it wasn’t so improper. He had always cared for propriety and his family much more than yours. But you thought he favoured you more than that. You thought you were important to him.

“You’re upset.” He states when you enter your private chambers. “You’ve been quiet since the succession claims. I would have thought you would be pleased.”

You turn to look at him, even more hurt when he can’t understand why you feel this way. “You were amused.”

He clearly doesn’t know what you’re referring to. How can he not know what you’re referring to?

“About what?”

“Vaemond Velaryon called my mother a whore and you practically laughed!” You raise your voice at him. “He called my brothers bastards! He called me a bastard.”

“I was amused by his audacity.” He says coolly.

“That sentence amuses me.”

“Don’t accuse me. I would protect your honour with my life.” You want to think he means it but you can’t.

“Then why didn’t you take his head yourself?” It is perhaps a silly question but you’re angry and you want him to feel it.

He scoffs. “I’m not so reckless as Daemon.”

“You could have had the decency to look angry about it.” You sigh. “A whore, Aemond. He called my mother a whore.” There’s hardly much worse for a woman to be called. All sorts of demeaning repression bundled up into a single adjective.

“You are my family. I am eternally defensive of you.”

“My family is yours as well.”

He almost seems to cringe at the concept of that.

“He called me a bastard.” Such a strong word, a disparaging remark that you haven’t been able to escape your entire life. It’s sticky on the soles of your feet, a stain on your dress that you can’t remove. It’s in the colour of your hair and your eyes and it follows and draws attention like a shadow that has decided to glow bright.

“You’re different.”

There couldn’t have been a worse response.

“I am the same as them and there is nobody I would want to be more binded to.” He wants you to speak these words about him; he's your husband. There shouldn’t be another person in all of fucking Westeros that you speak about this way.

“You are more than them.” He says. It’s supposed to be a compliment.

“Why, because you can fuck me? Because I shall carry your heirs? Your children, if they will grow in my womb, will be just as damned as I am. Their blood will be just as tainted.” The words are full of such venom that it angers him. He adores you and yet he despises the blood that’s in your veins.

“Nothing made by you could ever be damned.” Oh, the blasphemy. You wonder if he would ever say such a thing in the presence of a septon, or perhaps in the presence of his mother. “I won’t have you speak of yourself in such a way.”

“I can’t, but you can? The word ‘bastard’ used to tumble from your lips like prayers.”

“I have apologized for that. I swore I would never use such a word to describe you or your brothers again and I haven’t.” He defends himself, perhaps it is a fair defence.

“In my presence, you have not.” It’s a half agreement.

“I won’t be called a liar by my own wife.” His jaw clenches.

“I don’t recall using that word.” You say as you give him an innocent look. He sighs again, rubbing his temples.

“What does it matter now? We are wed. You are royalty and a Targaryen.”

“By blood or by marriage?”

“My love-“ He starts. He wants to talk you down.

“Am I worthy of you only because I am married to you?”

Is it some fucked paradox?

“I shan’t warrant such a silly question with an answer.”

Is that all you are? A silly girl?

“I’m going to my chambers.” You whisper out and what an off putting sentence it is. You practically live in Aemond’s chambers. Everyone considers them yours as well. The other ones are only kept for propriety’s sake. And now you’re leaving them.

“I don’t want that.” Is all he can say.

“Will you command me to stay?”

He doesn’t. He wouldn’t.

You walk out the door.

taglist (comment to be added): General: @valeskafics @urmomsgirlfriend1 @girlwith-thepearlearring @darylandbethfanforever9 @lovellies @juhdoche @papichulo120627 @watercolorskyy @ophelialaufey @aerangi

[lovingmattysposts]

You dont know me 4

P1 P2 P3 P5 P6 P7 P8 P9 P10 P11 P12 P13 P14 P15 P16 P17 P18 P19 P20 P21 P22 P23 P24 P25 P26 P27 P28 P29 P30 P31 P32

pairing: y/n and chris sturniolo

summary: you and Chris came from two different sides of the spectrum when it came to the social scale. You had the perfect life, the perfect boyfriend, the perfect parents, but when you start to peal back that layers things got messy. Your life was set and stone, your future was set and stone. That was until he comes and changes everything.

warnings: suggestive, cursing

chris pov

I didn't sleep. How could I fucking sleep? The way she looked up at me with those eyes. I should have just kissed her. I couldn't. I knew I couldn't. God, but the way she looked up at me like she was ready to risk everything. Her lips. They way she licked them. I cursed myself the whole way home. She was just high. That's what I kept telling myself. She didn't really want to kiss me. She probably woke up this morning regretting even alluding to the fact that she wanted to. I didn't. I woke up still angry at myself that I didn't.

She didn't want to be like that though. That's what she told me. She didn't want to be that girl who cheats on her boyfriend. She didn't want to be seen like that. She didn't want to see herself like that. So I wasn't going to make her see herself that way. We kissed once. One amazing, hot, gut wrenching, head spinning kiss. That was it. That's all it's ever going to be.

The tension was so thick, she had to have felt it too. It was suffocating me. I wish I wasn't so attracted to her. I wish I didn't think about how she would look if she was underneath me. How her head would be back into the pillow. The sounds she would make. How she would feel. The way her nails that she scaled across my arms would feel over my back as I-.

I had to stop. I'm literally in public.

"It's not fair! Coach can't do this to me! This is our regional qualifier! He knows he can do it without me on defense!" Nate yelled to me as we sat in class. I wasn't really listening. Not with the unholy thoughts going through my mind in this moment. God. Is it hot in here?

"Are you even listening?" Nate spat at me. I sat up in my chair and looked at him and nodded. He crossed his arms. "Yes I am. The coach benched you because you had too many penalties. Listen Nate, it's part of the rules. If he forgoes the rules for you, how is he suppose to enforces them on someone else when the same thing happens to them?" I asked leaning up raising my eyebrows. He huffed and leaned back.

"Since when do you care about rules?" He rolled his eyes. I shrugged. "I don't. I'm just telling you why this is happening to you" I said shaking my head. He slammed his hands on his desk. Jesus, he's dramatic. "You know he would never do this to Hastings! He has it out for me. I think Hastings pays him to play" He said shaking his head. I smiled and shook my head.

"Whether he does or doesn't. You're a better player Nate, and it's only for the first half" I said looking at him. He huffed and mumbled to himself. I rolled my eyes. "You're coming right?" he looking up at me. I looked up at him shaking my head profusely. He held his hands up. "You're my best friend, you have to come" He argued at me. I shook my head.

The bell rang and we grabbed our stuff as we made it out of the classroom and into the hallway. Nate ran up beside me. "You can't argue me on this. This could be the most important game of my life. I need you to be there" He said looking at me.

"I said no. It's three hours away" I said shaking my head. Nothing was going to convince me to go to this game. "And you say that about every game" I said looking at him. He shook his head. "Because every game is more important than the last! Please come, no one comes except for the coaches wife and kids, some of the parents, and the princess" He rolled his eyes.

I stopped and looked at him. "Y/n?" I asked looking at him. He pursed his lips and crossed his arms. "Yeah also known as Max's girlfriend, might I add" He said raising his eyebrows. I huffed. "Don't tell me you've got it in for princess over here" He said laughing at me. I glared at him. "Don't call her that" I said looking at him.

"What you don't want me to call her that because you started fucking Labraut over here?" He asked smiling. I grabbed his arm and pulled him to the side of the hallway. "Would you keep your fucking voice down?" I spat at him. He looked at me with wide eyes. "You like her" He stated looking at me. I glared at him.

"Nate stop" I stared at him. He shook his head. "Whatever. Come, don't come, see if I get a fuck" He spat before turning and walking away. I sighed. I didn't mean to piss him off. I just don't know why he gets so bent out of shape about Y/n.

Whatever, I didn't have time for this. I turned to start walking the other way when I saw her. She was leaned against the locker talking to her friend. She smiled and squeezed her eyes shut laughing at whatever she said. I smiled looking at her. God, I can't be her friend.

-

Y/n pov

"Why won't you tell me about anything that happened?" Sydney asked leaning up against the lockers. I looked over at her crossing my arms. "I told you what happened, I went over there asked him to keep his mouth shut and I left. That was it" I lied right through my teeth. She raised her eyebrows.

I kept my game face. I didn't mention the drugs, the hand holding, or the almost-kiss. She didn't need to know about any of it. What Sydney doesn't know can't hurt her. I don't need her to be worrying about the fact that Chris and I were friends now. She would make a big drama out of it. That I don't need.

"Well did he say anything else?" She asked raising her eyebrows at me. I shook my head. "Nothing else. It's over let's both forget about it" I said looking at her. I needed her to drop this. She sighed. "Why did you choose him to kiss anyway? He's like a ghost, he barely even goes here I think" She laughed.

I clenched my jaw. I didn't like her talking down on Chris. There was no reason for it. She doesn't even know him, but I didn't need to defend him. I didn't want her to get suspicious of anything. Not that there was anything to be suspicious about anyway. We're friends that's all.

I shrugged.

"I don't know. I barely even know his name" I forced a laugh out of my mouth. All of the sudden as if on cue, the locker a few lockers down slammed shut. We both turned from the sound. I saw Chris looking back at me with a straight face for a second and then turn and walk off.

Fuck. He heard me.

I closed my eyes and sighed looking down. Great start off of a friendship. God, I'm a bitch. I grabbed the rest of my things out of my locker and slammed it shut, starting to walk after him.

"Y/n" Sydney said making me turn back around. She shook her head with a nervous look on her face. "What are you doing?" She whispered back loudly. It turned around and watched Chris turn the corner of the hallway. I turned back to Sydney, biting my lip. Fuck, what do I do? I tapped my foot on the ground.

"Hold on" I said quickly before darting off after Chris. I can't have him think I meant that. He can't think I meant that. I shook my head at myself as I moved around the rest of the people in the hallway. I whipped my head around, looking for any sign of him. No where. He disappeared. He's good at that. I bit my lip as I circled the hall. I stopped when I saw a door that led outside.

I turned my head side to side to see if anyone was looking before opening the door and walking out. I turned and saw Chris leaning against the wall smoking a cigarette. I sighed of relief as I walked up to him. He didn't look up at me as he took the cigarette out of his mouth.

"Hey" I breathed. He didn't respond, just looking out to the parking lot. I sighed. I set my bag down and leaned next to him. "Look I'm sorry, it's just Sydney she-" I stopped myself. This excuse makes me sound like an entitled bitch. I shook my head.

"I'm just sorry I shouldn't have said that" I said looking at him. He showed no emotion in his face. I licked my lips waiting for him to respond, but he didn't as he took another hit.

"I just don't want her asking questions" I said looking down. Still nothing. Silence. I tapped my foot on the pavement. Why wasn't he responding? Did he not care? Did I piss him off so bad he just wanted to forget the friendship completely? I couldn't have that. Fuck. I pushed his arm, he just looked down at me.

"Chris, I'm sorry" I said again. He just looked back forward. Silence. I sighed and looked down. Okay. I wasn't going to force him to speak to me. I get it, it was bitchy. I leaned down and grabbed my bag and threw it over my shoulder before walking back towards the door in defeat. I grabbed the handle when I stopped. I turned back around and walked forwards slightly.

"I know you Chris" I said looking at him. He didn't look at me. I set my bag back down. "I know your last name is Sturniolo and that you moved here halfway through sophomore year and I know that no one knows why." He looked over at me. Dropping the cigarette by his side.

"I know that Nate is the only person you talk to at this school, because I've never seen you with anyone else" I said shaking my head. "I know that you only take honors and ap classes because you're viciously smart for some reason. I know you used to play track and stopped because you got into a fist fight with the coach's son and that you go to every single one of Nate's games, because I see you there" I smiled shaking my head.

"I know you moved from Massachusetts because of your accent and I know you absolutely hate parties because you looked miserable at the last one and I know you only go because Nate wants you there and you go because you care about him" I breathed. "I know you're the most angry and hostile guy at this damn school, but only when people do something wrong not because you just like to beat up people for no reason." I laughed. He still stared at me.

"And I know that there's a heart buried somewhere down there because you're choosing to save my relationship and I can't understand why" I said shaking my head. He pursed his lips and looked down. I sighed and reached down for my bag.

"That's-" He breathed. I looked up at him, dropping my bag by my side. "Really fucking scary that you know all of that" He laughed lightly. I smiled at him. "I'm not creepy, I'm observant" I stated looking at him. His face fell into no emotion again, before sitting down against the wall.

I just blinked down at him. He sighed and looked at me before motioning next to him. I smiled and set down my bag before way to eagerly walking over him. I basically skipped, it was pathetic. I plopped down next to him and leaned my head against the wall.

He held his cigarette up to my face. I scrunched my nose and shook my head moving his hand away. He looked down at me, smiling. I smiled up at him. God, the tension. Why did it always have to be like this? Why couldn't I just sit with my friend, and not want to melt into his eyes and give him every single part of me?

He looked away from me. I played with my fingers as he blew smoke out his mouth. I looked over at him. "Why don't you do hockey?" I asked looking at him. He didn't look at me. "Take out your aggression on a puck instead of people?" I smiled looking down. He shrugged. "Not my thing" He mumbled. I nodded slowly.

"Plus Nate is better than me at it. It wouldn't be good for my ego" He said smiling down at me, making me smile at my hands. "I'm not that much of an angry person" He mumbled. I looked at him, and he looked at me. I furrowed my eyebrows. "I once saw you beat up Sam Wright for bumping into you in the hallway" I laughed. He smiled and shook his head.

"That was because he was talking bad about Nate's sister" He said shaking his head. "He was just asking for it when he bumped into me" He smiled. I nodded. Questions circled my mind about him. I wanted to know everything about him. I want to know what makes Chris, Chris. I probably shouldn't have but I started with the most obvious one.

"What made you move to Michigan?" I asked quietly. He stared forward. Silence fell between us. Thick, awful silence. I looked up at him when he didn't respond. He wasn't looking at me. his jaw was tight as he stared out onto the parking lot. I couldn't read the expression on his face. I hoped that I didn't overstep a boundary. The energy between us shifted into uncomfortable silence. I swallowed.

"What you didn't like kill someone or something did you?" I laughed attempting to lighten the mood between us. I hated whatever was going on right now. I should have just dropped it, seeing the hurt on his face when he looked at me.

I felt my heart drop in my stomach from his look. My eyebrows furrowed. He turned from me throwing the rest of his cigarette on the ground and standing up grabbing his bag roughly off the ground.

I just looked up at him as he marched towards the door.

"Chris" I said as he opened the door and let it slam behind him. I felt guilt wash over me. What did I say? I frowned and looked down at my feet. Why am I so naive sometimes? I stood up slowly, wiping my hands on my jeans and grabbing my bag off the ground, before walking back into the building. I turned and looked down both hallways, he was no where to be seen. God he's so good at that. I bit my lip as I walked to class.

-

I couldn't focus the rest of the day. Calculous, Biology, Health, nothing. I didn't pay attention to a single thing that the teacher went on and on about. All I could think about was the look on Chris's face. Like I had insulted him, and I didn't even know what I said. I know he couldn't possibly have killed someone, so what was it? My mind raced all day. I needed to talk to him, to apologize for whatever I did.

I couldn't lose him. In one way or another, I couldn't lose him.

The final bell rang and I quickly got up. Maybe I could find him in the hallway. I walked out of the classroom and saw a storm of people. I bit my lip as I looked from side to side. I hate that I was always trying to hunt him down and that he was always hiding. I wanted to cry. What did I do? I looked down at my feet as I felt Max walk up to me.

He was complaining again about hockey practice. How coach 'always made him doe extra reps'. Only because you're the best babe, is what I would normally have said if the thought of Chris being angry with me wasn't eating me alive.

I just looked up and nodded as we walked out of the school and into the parking lot. I still glanced up to see if I could spot Chris. Nothing. I gave up hope completely before hearing my name being called.

"Labraut!"

I turned around from the loudness of the voice that was calling my name. Max turned with me. I felt my heart beat quicken and panic run up my neck as I saw Nate walking up to us. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I couldn't speak my throat ran dry. I couldn't even move my feet they were planted into the ground as he walked up to us.

"What the fuck did you say to him?" Nate said walking up to me. Max stepped in from of me and pushed me behind him. My turned red as I stared at him. "Back up Doe" Max yelled back at him. I just looked at him with a horrified look on my face. Nate didn't look at Max, his eyes were planted on me. I swallowed.

"I don't know" I said quietly. He glared at me. "Look, I know you're some stuck up rich prick, who thinks she can do whatever she wants and say whatever she wants. Hate to break it to you princess. That's not the case" He said looking at me. A crowd had stopped around us briefly in the parking lot. I hate that this was drawing attention, but not as much as this made my stomach drop thinking about how I had hurt Chris.

Max shoved Nate back. "You don't get to talk to my girlfriend like that" Max said towering over Nate. Nate glared up at him before smiling silently. Please Nate. Please don't.

"I'd stay out of this one if I were you Hastings" He smiled looking at him and then me. I looked at him before closing my eyes and looking down. Nate pushed Max back before backing away.

Nate looked over at me and scoffed shaking his head and walking away. My heart was beating out of my chest. Nate could have blow my whole life up over this, and he didn't. He screamed at me, yes. But he didn't say anything. I guess Chris was right, he wasn't going to say anything.

I looked down at my feet. Max shook his head before turning over to me. "What was that about?" He asked looking down at me. I looked up over towards the direction of where Nate walked. Chris was now with him. Chris was shaking his head as Nate talked to him and then they both walked away.

"I have no idea" I whispered with a straight face.

tag list: @rac00ns-are-c00l4 @miastromboli @secret-sturniolo @sturnsclutter @sturniolodreamz @paper-crab @chrisolivia4l @mwah0mwah @recklesssturniolo @ejswift @kitaysworld @meg-sturniolo @nickmillersn1gf @fr3shl0ve @adrianaturnedpretty @oversturn @ghostgurlswrld @flowerxbunnie @ilytrinsworld @lustfulslxt @kiarastromboli @gemofthenight @blahbel668 @haunted-headset @sturnybabes @bethsturn @d3adlyclassrat @sturnybabes @mattsbitch @chrisluvbot @nickenthusiast @sturniolossmut @biimpanicking @iloveneilperry @chalametbich @dsmja @bernardsleftbootycheek @lovingsturniolo @aoxash @idrkk-123 @gingerbreadgodofhyperdeath @babagurlrichey @meme2003

[brainddeadd]

Scoups x fem!reader

angst, fluff

Sometimes, Seungcheol really hates Minghao.

“You guys are way more than friends. You’re like already three years into a relationship.” Minghao's been rambling on for at least fifteen minutes and honestly, Scoups is getting to the end of his patience. Soonyoung's starting to join in the conversation and Minguy looks five seconds away from adding his opinion.

"I mean honestly, you guys are so in love and it's really stupid that you haven't confessed yet-"

"XU MINGHAO!" Everyone in the dorms freezes and stares at Scoups in shock. "I know I'm in love with her!"

Minghao gulps and attempts to raise his hand to point at where you had turned into the room, but Scoups knocks it away.

"I am well fucking aware that I am in love with Y/n, ok?" Scoups face is red, his body shaking. "But she will never feel the same as me and I can never treat her the way she deserves."

"Uh Coups-"

"She deserves someone who can spend all of their time with her, take her on random dates and surprise her while she's at work. I can't give her any of that." Seungchol wipes away the tears that have begun to fall from his eyes. "And it fucking kills me that I'm not going to be the one to give her the love she deserves. That I'm going to have to watch the love of my life fall in love with someone else. Watch someone else give her half of the love she deserves because they will never be good enough."

Not even Satan himself could stop Scoups from his word vomit.

"No one will ever be good enough for her, but literally anyone else would be better than me." Seungcheol's voice breaks. "So, can you please stop rubbing it in my face that I am in love with her and can do nothing about it?"

Scoups walks away, wondering off to a different part of the studio and you're left standing there, in the doorway, staring at the space he's just left.

"Uh.. I think I fucked up." Minghao's talking but you can't hear him, too focused on making your body move, forcing yourself to follow the path Scoups took, despite not knowing what you're going to say to him.

Minguy gently grabs your arm and points to the roof and you nod in understanding. Scoups hides on the roof when he's feeling big emotions.

~~

You find Scoups sitting on the floor of the roof, staring out at the sunset that's taking over the sky like a painting.

"Hey." Your voice is soft, but he still jumps like you've shouted. He turns to look at you just as you sit down next to him.

"Y/n-"

"Shut up and listen to me." You know you sound harsh, you can see it in the way his eyebrows jump up to his hairline. "I'm going to talk, and you're going to listen."

He nods, not used to seeing you like this.

"I heard you in there," his eyes shut in- what you're not sure. "And firstly, I love you too. But that's not the important bit here."

"How is that not-"

"I said shush."

His mouth snaps shut.

"That bullshit about you not being good enough for me? Crap. Utter crap. How dare you lie about the man I love like that?" You're pissed off with him for that. Fuck.

"You are incredible, Choi Seungcheol, and I don't know what I have to do to make you finally understand that." You take his face in your hands, feeling his cheeks heat up from the force of his blush. "I love you."

"I love you."

"You're more than enough for me."

"I can't-"

"I don’t care that we can't see each other all the time or that you'll be away for a long time travelling or that you're so busy sometimes I think you're dead." You're smiling at him now. "I do care that we're in love with each other and you haven't kissed me yet."

He doesn't waste a second. His hands are on your hips and in your hair and roaming your back and squeezing your thighs and holding your face and he really just can't keep them still. Your hands move from his face to his hair, your arms curling around his head as you hold him to you, and you sink your weight into his lap on the floor.

He pulls away entirely too quickly, but neither of you can catch your breath.

"I love you."

"I love you."

You sit like that for a while, you in his lap, your arms around his head, his arms around your torso, foreheads resting together, before he breaks the silence.

"I've gotta apologise to Hao, don't I?"

[holylulusworld]

BFG (8)

Summary: He’s new to town and just your type…

Pairing: Reacher x Plussized!Reader

Warnings: angst, unplanned pregnancy, fluff, implied smut, reunion

A/N: I added the pregnancy because of an ask.

Catch up here: BFG (7)

BFG masterlist

You had the best night’s sleep in weeks. When you woke, you were warm, relaxed, and comfortable.

You murmured Reacher’s name, still half asleep. In your sleepy haze, you believed his strong arms were wrapped tightly around your body. A pleasant dream – or so you thought.

“I’m here, peach pie,” your eyes snapped open, and you stiffened in his embrace. This couldn’t be true. He left. Reacher left town and he never comes back to the place he left. That’s just how he lives his life. “You’re safe with me, Y/N.”

“Reacher?” You choked out his name, more a whimper than a word. “How can you be here? I thought…” You sniffled and shook your head. It had to be a dream. Reacher would never come back for you. “Why are you here?”

“I told you that if I ever come back, it’s for you,” he nuzzled his face in your neck. Reacher moved his hand under your nightie to gently place his big hand on your belly. “Why didn’t you tell me about the baby? I told you that if you ever need help, that’d be there for you, peach pie.”

“Why?”

“You know why, Y/N,” he whispered in your ear. “The better question is, why did you not contact me.”

“You’ve got no phone and after you left I believed that I’ll never see you again,” your voice trembled when you answered his question. “I didn’t want to be a burden and call your friend. I believe they have better things to do than looking for a way to reach you. And I didn’t know if you’d care, Reacher. We barely know each other, and you left before I found out about the baby.”

“Of course I care, peach pie,” he sounded hurt but held you a little tighter. “I care a lot for you, and my baby. I’d do anything to keep you and them safe.”

“I don’t understand how you found out about the baby. I didn’t tell anyone but Sally Ann about the baby—” You gasp. “Frances.”

“Please don’t be mad at her. I asked Neagley to check on you,” Reacher whispered in your ear. “She likes you a lot, and the fact you got a huge collection of cereals in your kitchen.”

You chuckle. “She loves her cereals.”

“That she does.”

“Why did you come back? I had it handled and—” You shook your head. “If you cared for me in the first place, why did you leave me then?”

“My lifestyle is so different from yours and I left because I never stayed in one place for too long,” he exhaled sharply. “I wanted you to not fall for me because I’m not sure how to do normal.”

“Do you think I have a plan? I’m pregnant from a man I barely know. The one sweeping me off of my feet without any effort,” you huffed. “I don’t know what to do. Why are you here? I don’t want you to feel responsible for me and the baby. I let you fuck me bare and are as guilty as you are.”

“I feel responsible because I am responsible for you, and our baby. You’re not a burden, Y/N,” he kissed your temple. “Leaving you and your home was one of the hardest things I ever did. You’re important to me and it pained me to walk out of your life.”

In lack of words, you nodded and sniffled. “You’re important to me too.”

He was silent for a moment. Reacher isn’t a man of many words; you already knew that. “I-I never was good with words or telling another person how I feel. Maybe something is…”

“No,” you wiggled in his embrace to turn around and cup his face. “There is nothing wrong with you, Reacher. You’ve got a big heart, but no roots. It’s normal that you never found a home in any place.”

He closed his eyes when you pressed your lips to his. Reacher didn’t tell you that it felt like coming home when he stepped inside your house again.

It was too soon, and he was scared you wouldn’t believe him. He just came back into your life.

“I made breakfast,” Reacher watched you walk inside the kitchen, a content smile on his lips. “Everything you’ll need to start the day.”

“Morning,” you yawned and rubbed your eyes. “I fell asleep after we talked. Why didn’t you wake me?”

“Uh-I checked in on Finlay and Roscoe. I thought I owed them that much.”

You nodded and gave him a shy smile. Reacher never talked about what happened with KJ, and the others, and you didn’t ask. You’re sure they had it coming.

“I heard Finlay wants to leave,” you said as you walked toward the kitchen island. You hopped onto the counter to watch Reacher finish the scrambled eggs. “I hope he finds happiness again. He looks so sad sometimes.”

“He lost his wife,” Reacher cleared his throat. “The love of his life. I wouldn’t know how to live without—” He bit his tongue. “I hope he finds happiness too.”

“What about Roscoe?” You poked his bicep. “Did you have a good time with her?"

“Peach pie,” he purred and stepped between your legs, “I only have a good time with you around. You know that.”

“Yeah?” you wrapped your arms around his neck. “I bet it’s my peach pie luring you in.”

“Definitely,” he pecked your lips. “It’s soft and warm,” Reacher smirked hearing a tiny whimper escape your lips. “Snug and tight around me.”

“Reacher…” you breathed against his lips. “You’re here…you’re back.” You sniffled. “I can’t believe you are back.”

Reacher wrapped his arms around your body while you slung your legs around his waistline. He walked out of the kitchen with you, something else than the scrambled eggs on his mind.

“I’m back to stay.”

“I don’t have that big and stable bed for no reason,” you giggled at his eagerness. “Just you know, I wasn’t with anyone else.”

“Fuck, I hope so,” he growled and stopped in his tracks. Reacher pressed you against the wall to kiss you hard.

You looked at him, lips pursed. “What about you?”

“Of course not,” he kissed you again; a little softer this time. “I couldn’t get my sweet peach pie out of my head.”

“I’ve missed you too, Reacher.”

For a moment, you looked at each other, having a conversation without words. “I want you so bad,” Reacher broke the silence first. “I need you.”

You whimpered at his admission. Reacher will never know how much you missed him. It felt like he stole a part of your heart and took it with him when he left.

You’d never allow him to leave again. If he tried to sneak out, you’d call Neagley and hunt your man down.

“Well then, let’s go to my bedroom and celebrate our reunion the best way possible…”

Tags in reblog.

[vixensbrainrotts]

Committed to you - Manjiro >Mikey< Sano

(part two)

Idea/ prompt: Mikey from the last timeline who wants to propose to us but has no idea how to ask so he ask advices from draken and emma

Vixen's two cents: Hi. I know ive been gone for like 2 weeks, I dont know why but it's been hard writing lately. anyway, thanks a million to @anahryal for giving me this idea whilst I was in the pits of my writers block!!! thanks girl, I can't tell you how much this helped. anyway, REQUESTS ARE OPEN and I advise you to use them! now please enjoy my revival piece!

Mikey has thought every possible thought he could have. He had run through every possible situation, every possible outcome, every possible setting, but damnit why was this so hard? He couldn’t do it. Not for the life of him.

He had browsed millions of travel blogs, pondering about every possible spot on earth to take you for the occasion. He had woken in and out of more jewelry stores in the past month than he had ever in his entire life. He had specifically stood in corner stores, reading the wedding catalogues in the magazine section trying to figure out what the hell he was supposed to do.

None of it helped.

Manjiro wanted it so bad. So so very bad. Every white dress he walked by, he envisioned you in it. Every bakery shop he passed, his eyes flitted up and down the fancy display cakes, pondering whether or not it would be good enough. Any time he woke up next to you, every time he joined you in the shower, every time he watched you cook, the urge to sink to one knee overtook him.

He knew he couldn’t make it that simple though. It was too domestic for him, so little of a gesture. He wanted you to know that he loved you, that he would bring you the moon if you wanted it. He needed you to see just how much he appreciates you for sticking with him through everything, and for that he needs a grand gesture.

However it seemed that nothing he could think of was quite big enough, quite meaningful enough, quite heartfelt enough. He was at the end of his wits. For one and a half months- seven weeks he had been fighting this battle alone.

He had made some progress in that time, having picked the ring because when he picked it up he just felt that this was the one. It was a niche store, and he was initially appalled by the average price of the rings, but decided, ah what the fuck? and entered the store for mostly shits and giggles. He was greeted by an expensive looking elderly gentleman who donned a monocle and silk gloves, clearly the clerk, and clearly an expert. He had the longest, most engaging talk with the man, explaining his situation and his frustrations, to which the man nodded understandingly and told of his own story and experience with marigge.

Seven long weeks he had kept it a secret from everyone, and now he couldn’t take it anymore.

He was just about to throw the towel on this whole thing and say fuck it and give up on this whole marriage thing and just accept that he would never make it, when he remembered that he didnt have to be alone in this. Not at all matter of fact. His best friend married his sister after all. If Ken could do it with the pressure of Shinichiro, Izana AND Mikey breathing down his neck, then surely he could do it too, right?

You were out on a girls night with Hinata, Senju and Yuzuha. Emma would have tagged along normally too, but with the addition of a new-born baby, she decided that it would be best to sit out this time. Either way you were out of the house for the night, and Mikey was left to his own devices. You had left him with a kiss and a home-cooked meal (which he felt bad about leaving behind so he completely stuffed himself before coming here) before he gave Ken a quick heads up over the phone that he was coming over with a VERY important problem.

Thats how he found himself here. Standing in the Kitchen of Emma and Ken‘s flat, hands perched on the counter, looking down at the surface, face in a deep frown. „What’s goin on? What’s the problem?“ Ken asks roughly, leaned on the refrigerator as he eyed his friend. Mikey didnt really respond though.

„What problem?“ Emma‘s voice was hushed as she entered through the kitchen door, pulling the door shut behind her, probably for the sake of the baby. „I dont know.“ Ken responded, rubbing his eyebrows „Ask your brother.“ he sighed as he gestured to Mikey who was still staring down the counter.

“Mikey?!” Emma sounded confused and a little concerned as she turned to look at him, eyes flitting between her brother and her husband. “Did you know he was coming over?”

Ken nodded wordlessly. “Said he needs our help about something.” Emma’s head tilted in question but accepted the fact. “What’s up Mikey?” She asked, approaching him and joining Draken at the other side of the counter.

Mikey didn’t say anything though, instead reaching into his pocket and producing a small, black, silk-encased box. He dropped it onto the table and looked up at the couple in desperation. “How do I do it?”

Ken gasped and felt his lips tug into a smile, happy that finally, finally Mikey was wiping you up (he had told him to do so since they were teens).

Emma slapped her hands over her mouth to muffle a silent scream, beginning to voice up and down on excitement as she realized- her brother was marrying you! She thanked the gods that Mikey fell in love with you because there was no better in-law than her Soulsister.

“Ahhhhh! Oh my goodness Mikey! I’m so happy for you! Can I see? Wow! Oh my god Ken are you seeing this!? He’s proposing! Ah I’m so glad!” Mikey nodded in response and let Emma pick up the box and crack it open, revealing the beautiful white-gold wedding band, encrusted with more diamonds than she could count. Notably, one large diamond sat in the middle of the ring, flanked by two smaller diamonds on each side.

“Oh.” Emma breathed. “Ken why didn’t you ask Manjiro for help when picking my ring?” Emma sounded slightly offended as she spoke, glaring down at the ring.

“Nah nah, don’t get it twisted girl. You told me what ring you wanted, I didn’t have much picking liberty other than the price.” Ken waved his hands in dismissal, brushing off her accusations with a grin still wide on his face. He made his way over to Mikey and clapped a hand on his shoulder, congratulating him for the occasion.

“Good on you man! Finally givin it the push, hah?” Ken was smiling as he searched for Mikey’s eyes, but he didn’t look up. “What’s up with the long face? You’re about to propose dude, you should be over the moon!”

Mikey sighed and shook his head. “I’ve been trying to propose to her for months. Months Ken. I can’t do it. It’s never right.”

The couple halted their celebrations and turned to look at Mikey again, Emma putting down the dainty box as her looks turns to one of concern. “What do you mean?” She fingered at the box as she leaned across the counter.

“It’s… i don’t know. Ken made it look so easy when he proposed to you, and Pah-chin was even more mindless about it! I really want to. I really do, but every time I get close, I chicken out because I get scared or because something isn’t right, and I’m starting to think that it’s better if I just… don’t.” Mikey sighed and cradled his head in his hands, his elbows resting on the counter.

Emma and Ken shared a look, a wordless exchange of worry and empathy. "What kind of proposal were you thinking of? Big? Small? Public? Private?" Emma started, hand rubbing soothingly across her brother's back.

"Big." Mikey mumbled into his hands, remaining hunched over the counter. "Big and public. I wanna make sure that everyone knows, everyone sees, I want them all to know. want them to know how much I love her."

Emma's eyes softened and she suppressed a smile, because all in all, it was cute. She had always known her brother to be big and strong, undefeatable, and most of all unwaverable. Mikey always put up the strong front when really, he was hurt. Vulnerability wasn't something that she was used to seeing from him, which made this moment all the more special.

"Do you want to go somewhere with her?" Ken steps in and asks, an idea arising. Mikey only grunts, a noise of agreement sounding through the room. "Do you know what kind of places she likes?" Ken continues.

Mikey's head slowly raises from the position on the table and he stares forward at the refrigerator. "Europe."

Emma and Ken looked at one another again, sensing that they were getting somewhere. "Then take her on Vacation. You both have that long shared break coming up, don't you? Travel through Europe and when it feels right, ask!" Ken said.

"How do I know when it feels right, though? What if it's not the moment?" Mikey asks, still not entirely convinced. "You'll know. I promise you, you'll know. I knew too and I didn't think I had the stuff to ever get married." Ken reassures again, and this time the two share eye contact, and it takes Draken a lot not to tear up.

Draken took a moment in his mind to look at Mikey. He had stuck by his side since they were kids, through thick and thin it's always been the two if them against the world. And now as he looked at Manjiro he no longer saw the unmatchable delinquent he saw ten years ago, but rather a distinguished person with complex thoughts and emotions. He saw a man that felt, a man that cared and a man that loved in front of him, and he couldn't be prouder.

Ken nodded at Mikey, and Mikey nodded back at him. "Yeah. She'll love it! Thanks, I'll do that! Gosh I don't know what id do without you two.."

"Oh, please propose to her in front of the Eifel Tower! Or the Coliseum! Or on some romantic Bridge in Venice!" Emma swooned and held her hands over her chest, hearts in her eyes.

Mikey smiled at her and nodded again. "I'll try and film it if I can."

-

The rest of the evening was spent with the three of them checking about a thousand booking sites, mapping travel routes and destinations, and the occasional cacophony of laughter which led to a grumpy Ryuguji-baby. Manjiro couldn't wait to go with you, he thought as he sat on one of the armchairs, gently running a thumb over the silk box that sat pretty in his hand.

[55sturn]

.𖥔 ݁ ˖ SNAP OUT OF IT: CHAPTER 0.01

↳ series masterlist! ↳ main masterlist!

↳ summary: in which y/n receives the news of her life and she feels on top of the world, as if nothing could bring her down, until she meets her dorm mate, rather, until she re-meets him.

↳ pairings: matt sturniolo x fem!reader [eventually, in this chapter, they are not friends]

↳ warnings: swearing, mentions of death, cigarettes, drug usage [weed], alcohol consumption, cocky!matt, flirting, bitchy!reader.

↳ important notes: i’ve been so excited to post this! this is going to be slow burn, and updates will be slow as well while i’m in the process of deciding what i want done with back to december, povs will change regularly between reader’s pov, matt’s pov, and third person pov, each pov is vital to the story and each character’s internal battles throughout the series.

↳ playlist for this series! song below for this chapter below!

READER’S POV

my hands shook as i held the letter that determined whether or not i’d have a chance at landing a job in screenwriting or directing, or literally anything the film industry would give me. landing a spot in this course, was extremely tough. it was only open to twenty five students, and there were thousands of applicants to rifle through each semester. it was a prestigious course, and if you excelled in it, the professor would consider sending out a letter of recommendation to any companies he knew were offering an internship. it was such high demand because the professor had a lot of sway when it came to massive filming and production companies, and would often land one of his students their big break.

but in order to apply, at least three years of training under some sort of local theatre was mandatory, the applicants needed to prove that they understood how screenwriting, production, and set or stage management worked, and there was still more that we needed to cover but those were top three areas of experience this course looked at. each applicant needed to prove that they were completely fit for this course and that they genuinely wanted to pursue a career in this field, and if you didn’t show it well enough, you weren’t even added to the consideration list.

it was a tough spot to land, and i would give anything to land a spot in this course. i had fought tooth and nail throughout all of high school to get grades that proved determination and hard work, the only university i ever had in mind was harvard, and if i didn’t get in, i wouldn’t know what to do with my life.

so here i was, freshly twenty-one, and finally holding the letter that led to the rest of my life, good or bad.

“come on you pussy, open it already.” jocelyn groans, she had been my rock throughout the entire application process. she’s been my best friend since we were six and bonded over having the same pencil case when she moved to boston in first grade. however, she’s been a bit callous to the idea of me being nervous about reading this letter. she was the type that barely scraped in high school, and she had decided pretty early that she didn’t want to go to any college or university. she excelled online and had amounted a huge following.

“joce, i love you but please shut up. this is the most important letter i’ve held in my entire life. i’m scared, what if i don’t get in?”

“please bitch, you’ve worked harder than anyone i know, i’m sure you’re going to get in.”

“thanks joce, but i genuinely don’t trust your judgement after the last guy you hooked up with. so i am going to take a shot and then open it.” i laugh, walking over to the cupboard above the fridge, grabbing the bottle of tequila we had bought in preparation for this very moment. i also grabbed two shot glasses from the mini bar-cart we had beside the fridge of our shared apartment, and began pouring a shot for the both of us.

“oh my fucking god. oh my fucking god!” she gasps from behind me, making quickly turn around, only to see that she held the open letter in her hands.

“what?”

“you fucking got in!” she exclaims, causing goosebumps to rise along my skin as i stand and watch her eyes dart back and forth along the page, reading the words aloud.

“dear miss l/n, i am pleased to inform you that the committee on Film and Visual Studies has voted to offer you a place in the Harvard class of 2025. dude you did it!” she beams, her voice full of pride and excitement, causing tears to well along my waterline as i stare at her.

“oh my fucking god, i did it.” i sob, feeling genuinely accomplished for the first time in my life.

“however it does say that the only available dorm situation is co-ed, since you had applied for on-campus living.”

“that’s fine with me honestly.” i shrug, wiping the tears, unable to rid my face of the smile that resides on it.

“alright, let’s take some shots and then start packing the rest of your shit. i can’t believe i’ll be living without for so long, i can finally walk around naked.” she hums, wrapping her arms around my shoulders as i sigh, my arms winding tightly around her waist.

i let out a loud laugh as i grab the bottle of tequila, followed by the two full shot glasses, sliding jocelyn hers as i stare at her.

“you’re acting as if you don’t already do that.”

“touché, however, here’s to my bitch starting her dream career.”

the next few days blew by in a blur as jocelyn and i finished packing everything i wanted to take. she was going to help take my stuff from boston to cambridge. the eight hour drive was going to be brutal, but it was completely doable, especially know that she’d be along the way. instead of driving sixteen hours total, she was going to spend the first night with me, she also wanted to scope out my dorm mate to make sure they’re not a total freak.

“i can’t believe i leave tomorrow.” i sigh, resting my head on jocelyn’s shoulder, the two of sitting on our balcony while she puffed her joint. jocelyn stifles a laugh before straightening out her expression, and turning to me.

“your mom would be so proud of you.” she says, her face blank as the absurd comment leaves her mouth.

“as fucking if.” i snort, rolling my eyes, taking the joint from her fingers, taking a small hit as she laughs.

“she’d probably ask why it took so long to get a response and then tell you that you didn’t try hard enough and that your acceptance letter was a pity letter.”

“probably.” i whisper, handing the joint back to her as i watch the setting sun, feeling a strong tinge of hurt swelling in my chest at the mention of my mom.

her and i never really had a steady relationship, when i was younger she was never really around, she was a big part of the film industry, quite the requested screenwriter, and was always in high demand which meant she didn’t take time to nurture me.

when she was alive and around more during my high school days after she was forced to retire from the spotlight due to her cancer, she was constantly berating me, the high ninety grades and constant participation in local theatre was never good enough. she always said i wasn’t shooting high enough. but she fell deathly ill my senior year, and that was a rough patch for us. i had snapped and told her that i hope she regrets the way she’s treated my entire life, and that i won’t be found at her deathbed. but when that time came, i was the first one to hold her hand and tell her i love her, but the reply never came from her, she just stared at the wall blankly until her boyfriend showed up and then suddenly she was lively as she could be while dying.

but i’ve moved on from that year, and it took a long time and shit ton of therapy to realize that i was never going to be the daughter she wanted, but my dad and my step-mother, melissa, have been as supportive as they could. they’ve been with melissa’s mom in maine for the last two months, helping her with everything after her husband’s passing.

i sigh again as i look at jocelyn, leaning my head back on her shoulder.

“we should probably head back to bed, we’ve got a long ass drive tomorrow.”

“yeah, wanna eat some ice cream first?”

“sure.”

after our ice cream, we finally crashed, both of us only getting about four hours of sleep after having to wake up at nearly six in the morning. we quickly got dressed, and grabbing the last few bags and boxes that needed to be packed into the car before leaving to grab food and drinks. after that, we finally started on our way to cambridge.

the drive was full of numerous stops, causing to get at the dorms around four in the afternoon.

“alright you stay with the cars while i go to the admissions centre and grab my key and i’ll go unlock the door and then we can start.” i hum in joce’s direction through her open window, grabbing my bag off the front passenger’s seat while jocelyn nods, climbing out, and stretching.

“i hope you get a hot roommate, you need a boyfriend.” she calls out, rolling my eyes, and flipping her off.

“i’m walking away i cant hear you!” i call back, following the signs that direct me toward to admissions office, as i enter i nervously approach the lady at the front.

“hi i’m here to pick up my dorm keys, room 496, y/n l/n.”

“here you go! so you’ll want to turn right, then take two lefts and follow the numbered plaques on the wall to the co-ed section of the dorms! and lastly, welcome to harvard!” the older woman chirps, flashing a warm smile that eases my nerves just the tiniest bit as i begin following the directions that she had called out.

as i reach my door, i fish the key from my pocket, quickly shoving it into the keyhole, wanting to get into my dorm as quick as possible. as i’m about to turn the knob, someone clear their throat from behind me, causing me to turn around. and once i meet the eyes of the person standing behind me, i immediately wish that the ground would open up and swallow him whole.

“what the fuck are you doing here?”

“this is my dorm?” he coughs, making my skin crawl at the idea of sharing a dorm for a year with the one person that i genuinely wish didn’t exist in my life.

“there’s no way in hell i’m sharing a dorm with you, matt.”

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© 55STURN 2024 ! REBLOGS NOT EXPECTED BUT GREATLY APPRECIATED ! [ you do not have permission to copy or save or share my work to other platforms and devices! ]

[azrielsdove]

Love and Loss: Ch.8

Warnings: Angst

Ch.7 Here | Ch.9 Here

***

An anger like you had never felt radiated from Azriel, as he turned slowly to face Rhysand. “What did you call her?” He demanded, shadows swirling in a frenzy.

Rhysand gave a cold laugh. “She is my wife, is she not?”

Azriel took a step closer to the still-injured male. “Enough with this game, Rhysand. I have allowed you to use her for long enough, it ends now.” His words brought confusion to your mind, pocketing them for later. This was certainly not the time to bring up your concerns.

“I am your High Lord, you do not ‘allow’ me to do anything. I do as I please, and you stand by my side.” A dark power glinted off him, danger thick in the air.

“Get your head out of your ass. She has done nothing but be wonderful for you. Why do you choose to treat her this way?” Anger was clouding Azriel’s vision, completely over his brother’s bullshit.

Rhysand rolled his eyes. “How many times do we have to go over this? You know it is you I like to upset. She is nothing but a pawn in a much larger game.”

You pushed off the countertop and stepped around Azriel to stare down your husband. “This is over, Rhysand. If you don’t call for the priestess, I will.” You were sick and tired of this nightmare.

“You will do no such thing. I am the High Lord, what I say goes.” A disgusting arrogance wafted from him, a confidence that he did not deserve. You didn’t hesitate to get close to him, getting in his face.

“You are a despicable male. I almost feel sorry for Feyre, having you as her mate. If only she hadn’t made it clear that she’s as nasty as you are.” Anger flashed through his eyes, but he wisely kept his mouth shut. “I was your wife for 150 years, Rhysand. Regardless of if you were using me for some game, we lived and laid together as husband and wife. I used to think you had created the world for me, and now I see that you have only used me to hurt your brother. For what gain?” You weren’t going to keep your thoughts quiet, no longer afraid of him hurting you. You’d rather feel pain than live under his nightmarish shadow any longer.

Rhysand was taken aback. He blinked slowly at you, an unreadable expression on his face. “Azriel took her. Did he ever tell you?” His voice was almost devoid of emotion, an ancient argument pulling from the ground.

“She is what this has all been about? I have told you countless times Rhys, I did not take her from you. She never mentioned anything about you!” Azriel blurted out, raising his hands in frustration.

You looked between the two males curiously, waiting for further explanation.

“When we were young, there was a girl,” Rhysand began, “in the Illyrian war camp we trained at. Her name was Annabella, and she was my first love.” His voice broke a little as he turned to you. “I kept it a secret from Az and Cass, embarrassed to be so head over heels for her. At that age it was about fighting and fucking, not falling in love.” Azriel murmured in agreement, watching his brother carefully.

“I was courting her in secret, taking her out in the night. We spent hours under the stars, talking and laughing. I truly believed she was going to my wife, my love until the end of my days.” His gaze moved to Azriel. “Until she betrayed me.”

Azriel grunted, clearly uncomfortable with what Rhysand was about to tell. “She began to go after Az. She won him over with pretty words and seductive touches. He had no idea about her and I, but that didn’t matter to me.” His stare grew hard, lost in the painful memories. “I came home early one day, excited for another night with her. I opened the door to find her on top of my brother on the couch. Neither of them noticed me at first, and I could only watch in horror as two of the most important beings to me ruined my life.”

Azriel made a noise of discomfort, fidgeting on his feet. “Rhys, you know I didn’t know.” Rhysand held up a hand, stopping him from saying any more.

“I know that now. At the time, I wasn’t thinking rationally.” He turned back to you. “I let my power escape me, throwing the room into a hellish pit of dark. Azriel pulled her out and they ran, getting to safety. I destroyed that cabin. I almost destroyed the entire camp too, but Cassian ended up pulling me deep into the woods instead. He had no idea what happened, just knew he had to get me far away.” He took a deep breath and looked at Azriel.

“I decided then and there you would suffer the way I had. Even after you apologized and explained her trickery, my pain was too strong. The sight of the two of you played over and over in my mind, like some sick nightmare.” Rhysand shook his head, a humorless laugh coming from him. “Then I saw you two, and I knew I had found the one.” He shifted his focus back to you, an apology almost in his eyes.

“I am sorry that you were caught in this crossfire. The way I have acted recently, it has been terrible. Once I found Feyre I should have let you go, let you live your own life.” He shook his head. “But I couldn’t. Not at first, not when she still hated me. I realize now that at some point my anger went from Azriel to the both of you. That wasn’t fair.”

It wasn’t quite an apology, but it was more honest than he had been in recent times.

“I never connected it,” Azriel said, voice quiet. “I didn’t realize you were still so hurt by it all. You hid it too well, brother.”

Rhysand looked at him. “Perhaps I did. I have only caused more hurt in the end, and to all the wrong ones. The only one who deserved to hurt was Annabella.”

A horrible thought came over you. “What did happen to her?” You asked, hesitant to know the answer.

Rhysand gave another empty laugh. “Not enough. I had her sent to a different camp, as far from ours as possible. I don’t really know what happened to her after, and her name was never brought up again. I assume she married some Illyrian there, settled down as his wife.”

Azriel cleared his throat, a small glimpse of shame on his face. “I truly did not know.” The shame quickly turned to anger. “But what you have done is beyond reason. How long were you going to fool her into believing you were her loving husband?”

Rhysand glanced at you. “I was her loving husband. As I told you all those years ago, Azriel, I could see myself grow to love her. Truthfully, I did. I loved her harder than I ever loved anyone else, especially Annabella.” His words were thick, the emotion causing tears to well up in your eyes. “Under the Mountain, Amarantha had me do truly terrible things. I didn’t pull away from you at first due to Feyre. It was due to fear of you seeing the monster I had become.”

You sighed, taking one of his hands in your own. “Rhys, you should have known better. I would never have seen you as a monster for what she forced you to do.” You gave his hand a small squeeze before dropping it. Your voice was hard as you continued. “You became a monster when you decided it was okay to treat me like dirt in front of your pretty little mate.”

He didn’t like that, dark power lashing out towards you. You stood strong, a lighter power radiating from you, keeping him at bay. “I am not to be played with anymore, Rhysand.” He backed down, a glint of anger still in his eye. “The way you have treated me is inexcusable. I do not care what happened centuries ago with you and Azriel, I do not care about your heartbreak. To use me to rectify that hurt is disgusting. You knew better than to act like that,” you sneered at him, your own anger rising in you.

“You will not talk to me like that-“

“I will talk to you however I please! I do not care what happens with Feyre, this marriage is over either way. Summon the priestess in the morning, or I will. Get the fuck out of my sight, Rhysand,” you demanded, power growing stronger around you.

He hesitated, ready to argue before remembering his weakened state. “This isn’t over,” he spat, turning on his heel and storming out of the cabin.

Azriel turned to you, smiling wide. “You are amazing,” he gushed, opening his arms to pull you close to him.

You stuck a hand out, palm hitting his chest and stopping his movements. “You are not off the hook either, Shadowsinger. Explain what you meant by ‘I have allowed you to use her for long enough.” Azriel backed away from your glare, shame radiating from his body.

“I don’t think now is the best time to talk about this,” he tried, shaking his head.

“No. I am done agreeing to whatever anyone else wants. You will explain, or I will tell you to leave with Rhysand.” He shifted on his feet, rubbing the back of his neck.

“I knew,” he said, voice quiet, “all those years ago. When Rhys started courting you. I knew that he knew I had feelings for you.” He straightened up, voice growing stronger. “I confronted him about it. I told him to not play with you, that it wasn’t fair to use you like that. Never once did I think his actions had anything to do with Annabella. I only thought that he had gotten too cocky with his new High Lord title, that he had this insatiable desire to have the best of everything.” His eyes were sad as he looked over you. “You were the best, are the best.”

You rolled your eyes, gesturing for him to continue.

“He promised he would treat you as you deserved, that he would be the perfect husband regardless of how he felt. He did promise to learn to love you, even if the relationship began on a lie.” A shadow twirled around your hand, almost begging you to come to him. You shook it off.

“He proposed not long after that.” Azriel finished, unsure if he should look at you or the ground.

“So you knew,” you spoke slowly, “that he began everything on a lie, and you didn’t tell me?”

“I didn’t want to ruin your happiness!” He shot out, eyes wide.

“You were my best friend, Azriel. I trusted you with everything even before Rhysand, and you allowed him to con me into a marriage?” All you could see was red, anger overtaking you.

“I was trying to protect you,” he defended himself, crossing his arms.

“Protect me?! Look where we are now! My husband has turned out to be the worst being in the world, and you allowed that to happen. You allowed all of this happen!” You were screaming now, but you didn’t care. Let the rest of the house hear, let the camp hear, let everyone in Prythian hear.

“The two most important males to me have turned out to be the two dirtiest liars in existence! How am I to ever trust you again, Azriel?” He shrunk back into his shadows, darkness covering his face.

“I suppose I wouldn’t expect you to,” he said quietly. There was an edge to his voice, a dangerous anger.

You sighed, the red clearing from your vision as the fight rushed out of you. “I am tired. I need to think.” You walked towards the stairs, pausing at the base of them. “Do not come find me until I decide you can.”

Azriel stood in silence in the kitchen as you walked away, vision focused on the door. Ancient rage coursed through his veins, moving him towards it subconsciously. He only had one thought on his mind.

Find Rhysand.

And make him pay for what he had done.

***

things are getting seriousssssss! please let me know your thoughts about this chapter as always, i LOVE reading what you guys say!!!!! if you want to be added to the taglist let me know :)

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[bixbythemartian]

This is About Oceangate

...kind of. Like, heads up for people who are sick of hearing about it or are too disturbed by this, just scoot on by, that's fine.

Like everybody else my age who had a middle school special interest in the Titanic that was further fueled by the James Cameron movie (and that sounds very specific, but I absolutely know I'm not alone), I've been following this story fuckin voraciously.

I think everybody I know IRL and online is fucking sick of me talking about it. I have been actively trying not to blog much about it here because I'm so obsessed with it that I'm annoyed with myself. I would like to not be this interested in it.

But a lot of the stuff I can think of to say has been said by a lot of people already, I don't want to add to an already noisy environment if I've got nothing new to say.

So, instead, I want to talk about what I haven't seen very many people talking about- something that's stood out to me about the way the media has been handling this story from the get-go. So, finally, I'm inflicting my days long media binge on you.

The media's handling of this was bad. Like, comprehensively fucked.

For the uninformed, a primer on the situation- feel free to skip down if you know all this, there's a bulleted list right after I get done with this part, look for that. But some of this is important to the terms I use, so I wanted to lay it out. (Also I just want to get a lot of this out of my system, please just let me have this.)

The Titan is a 'cyclops-class' submersible. As far as I can tell, 'cyclops-class' is unique to the people who made this submersible, it's not a widely recognized thing.

The Titan can carry up to five passengers. It was supposed to be rated to reach depths of up to 4000 meters below sea level.

The Titan is/was owned and operated by a company known as Oceangate. There's a lot of questions regarding the safety of the submersible, where the math came from on their depth rating, and- basically everything about the Titan is in question, at this point. There's a lot of questions, but that's not what I want to talk about.

Right now. Maybe later.

A submersible is distinct from a submarine in that it requires a surface support ship for many things- the Titan moved too slow to leave port under its own power and go to the site, it didn't have enough life support to do that kind of thing, etc. A submarine is self-supporting and can operate independently. Kind of pedantic, I know, but the Titan is a submersible, not a submarine.

The Titan had a planned expedition to the wreck of the Titanic on June 18, 2023- this past Sunday, at the time of writing. The expedition was supposed to last around 10 hours. It chartered a ship- the Polar Prince- to act as mother ship, the on the surface support that the Titan requires. (The Polar Prince is owned and operated by a different company than the Titan.)

1 hour and 45 minutes into the expedition, as the Titan was still making its way to the sea floor, the Polar Prince lost all contact with the submersible.

The Titanic wreck is at just under 4000 meters deep, right around 2.5 miles.

Now, my understanding is that the Titan was not fully at the ocean floor at the point contact was lost, but it's not clear how deep the Titan was at that time. We may not ever know this for certain.

When the Titan was reported as missing to the coast guard is kind of unclear, to me- I heard 6 hours after they lost contact, I heard 12 hours after they lost contact, I saw something that indicated they reported it missing immediately- I don't know for sure. When the coast guard report comes out, I'm hoping we'll get a more accurate timeline.

However, as soon as it was reported missing, a massive search and rescue operationg was started. Complicating the search efforts were the fact that the submersible seemed to have no type of emergency distress locator beacon (I'm not sure what the precise nautical terminology would be for this).

The search included visual searching of the surface, dropping buoys with microphones, and ROVs (unmanned remote operated vehicles, deep sea robots operated by crew on ships at the surface) searching the floor, and probably some other stuff I'm forgetting. Deep sea radar etc etc, every tool they had access to.

The search and rescue concluded on Thursday (June 22, 2023) around midday, when they definitively found pieces of the destroyed submersible's pressure vessel (the part of the submersible that held pressure and kept the people safe and alive) in a debris field, approximately 1600 feet away from the Titanic.

The destroyed pressure vessel and reports from the Navy on hearing sounds consistent with implosion at the time the Titan lost contact indicates that the submersible underwent what is being called a 'catastrophic implosion'.

It is now an investigation and recovery operation, while they try to figure out what exactly went wrong.

The five men in the sub are dead. In all likelihood, they died so quickly that their nervous system didn't have time to process what happened. What happened to their bodies during this was probably gory and kind of horrifying, but it's unlikely they experienced any awareness of this.

There were five extremely wealthy men on the submersible- they were not all billionaires, but those that weren't were worth hundreds of millions of dollars. If you want a rough sketch of their biographies, there's a link here. Other than them being pretty wealthy, who they are doesn't play that much into what I want to talk about, so I don't feel the need to go into it right now. (Again, as more information comes out, I may come back for another swing.)

So, my complaint. The number of times I saw a news interview with an expert that went like this is not small:

news host interviews deep ocean expert of some variety (who is not involved in rescue)

host asks expert what chances are that the dudes are alive and will be recovered alive

expert, being honest, says something like 'slim to none'

host responds with some amount of sincere-seeming disappointment, then after interview, pivots to the ongoing search for the definitely still alive people

There were news programs with clocks counting down how much theoretical oxygen was left. There were frequent updates to news stories with nothingburgers of additions, just to pad it out. It was, if they were alive at that moment, fucking ghoulish. That they were dead makes it even more horrible.

And I cannot emphasize enough how many experts said, to generalize and paraphrase here: "Unless they are found bobbing on the surface in the next n hours, they are dead. Even if they are alive right this minute, on the bottom of the ocean, there is no hope to rescue them in time."

This is not a failure of any of the rescue entities involved, by the way. The environment they were presumed to be in- 4000 meters under sea level- is so extreme that there are very few vehicles in the world with the capability of even getting to that depth. Like, 10 or less. As far as I know, none of them are designed to do any kind of deep sea rescue- which would have involved carefully scooping up or netting the Titan and hauling it up very slowly. There's no way to transfer personnel between ships at this depth, and the Titan had the largest passenger allowance at this depth, afaik. Like, the odds were incredibly, vanishingly small that these men would live.

The media, at large, never ever really allowed that to change the way they talked about this story or treated the participants in the story. At around 11 am or noon (central daylight time) on Thursday I saw them talking about how 'oxygen is critical'.

Oxygen was critical 24 hours prior. Even by the most generous of expectations, they were out of breathable air. Given how, to put it mildly, janky the submersible seemed to have been, there was absolutely no guarantee that they had even the 96 hours that Oceangate claimed.

Their likelihood of being rescued alive from the ocean floor was minimal on Monday. By Thursday, they were dead- again, unless they were found on the surface somewhere and had managed to carefully preserve their air somehow, they were already dead.

The media didn't really allow for the reality of the situation to be clear until Oceangate and the USCG came out and said 'yeah, they're dead'.

"Well, what's the problem with that?" you might ask. "The United States Coast Guard was the one who was saying it was a rescue up until that point."

Sure. That's their job. Their job is to treat it like an urgent rescue until it is certain that it is not. A significant amount of what they do is to rescue people from doing damnfool things in the water, and keeping hope alive until they find bodies, or evidence thereof. They were doing exactly what they should be doing.

(Whether they do this to this extent for everybody lost at sea is another conversation that's absolutely worth having, as well as their role in border patrol, but I have no bone to pick with the USCG in this particular instance. They did their all until they could do no more, that's the whole point of them, this is how they're supposed to operate.)

The media was not doing what they should be doing. There's an old quote somewhere that I think is just a journalism truism (everyone I've heard talk about it says their journalism professor said it)- if someone tells you it's raining, and someone else tells you it's not, your job isn't to report that, your job is to go outside and see if it's wet.

James Cameron- director of the aforementioned Titanic movie, as well as being a Titanic and deep sea submersible expert, knew they were dead on Monday.

He reached out to some people, he found out that the mother ship lost contact with the crew as well as their location at the same instant, and that the Navy heard a sound consistent with an implosion at around that time.

The information that the Navy heard the implosion was not classified information- they heard it via a listening system that was declassified in the 90s, I believe. Like, I knew about the system just kind of casually because I know random Navy stuff. (My dad was in the Navy, it's mostly osmosis.)

The people on the scene were informed as soon as the Navy knew. (When that was, I'm not sure, except it was before Monday. Probably they had someone go back and listen to it and weren't actively monitoring it, but it's hard to say.)

The deep ocean submersible community knew, well enough that James Cameron could call a buddy and find out. He was telling people on Monday to raise a glass to them.

The media could have had this information, if they did not have it. Either they didn't want to know, or did know, and didn't say it. And I can't say for certain they were suppressing information, but I do know that they frequently downplayed any evidence that these people were dead.

I know on CNN they ran a story about FADOSS- the FlyAway Deep Ocean Salvage System- that was shipped out to Newfoundland. It arrived Wednesday afternoon. Description in the alt text, link here.

At the time this story was published, the people in the sub would have theoretically had less than 24 hours of breathable air. They hadn't even chartered a ship for the FADOSS, at this point. And the port in Newfoundland is hundreds of miles from the site. I'm not sure how many hours away but, like, hours away. I think I heard it's a 6 hour trip, but I'm not certain on that.

This system was referenced in the news as if it was going to be part of the rescue process. Very clearly, this was never going to happen. The quote, 'a process which can take a full day' is a mild understatement, here.

It could, theoretically, be done in 24 hours, but was much more likely to take longer, unless they had enough crew in Newfoundland to do round-the-clock welding.

The response to the question about recovering someone alive is a polite way of saying 'that's not what we do'. They were not part of the rescue operation and were never intended to be, as far as I can tell.

(If you're wondering what part the FADOSS is going to take in the recovery and investigation process, it's not. It's used to lift heavy objects off the floor, and the Titan broke into small enough pieces that the ROVs are believed capable of handling it. FADOSS is on its way back to wherever it is kept. I suspect it was brought out in the edge case that the submersible was found intact with dead crew, to retrieve the vessel whole, so that the families would have bodies to bury.)

Setting aside the 'oh they definitely blew up' news that seems to have been available the whole time, every single piece of evidence and expertise pointed to these people being dead, and yet the news persisted in sort of breathlessly (sorry) talking about the rescue efforts and how much time was left. They persisted in talking about how definitely still alive these people were until they could not do that anymore.

Other examples of this issue are the knocking thing. There were reports of some of the buoys picking up something that could be described as 'knocking'. Some said it was 'every thirty minutes' but we don't know how precise a measurement that was. As soon as they started talking about the knocking, I looked into it.

As it turns out, this is just a thing that happens. The sea is very noisy, and it's hard to determine the source of a sound. Some geological things sound manmade, vice versa. They had a lot of ships cooperating together to work the search area, it's possible that they were hearing noise from those, or something from an oil platform a jillion miles away, because noise travels far and is hard to pinpoint. They had this issue while searching for the sunken USS Thresher and it was one of the ships doing the searching. Given how many different moving parts there were in this search operation, it's hard to say what the knocking was. This is just a thing in the ocean, there's a lot of fuckin noise and experts can't always pinpoint it down in location or even what it might be.

This is why, even though they heard sounds that were consistent with implosion, at the time that the Titan lost total contact with the mother ship, it was still treated as if there was a live rescue operation. Because they couldn't be certain.

But the odds were extremely poor that these men were alive, and almost everybody involved knew that fairly early on. Again, the rescue operation had to go forward like they were looking for someone alive because that's how that works. The media, on the other hand, handled this in a very irresponsible way.

And, like, I know, news media is bad at being news is not some like hot new thing, I've just been building up frustration for days and so it had to come out somehow.

I'm not sure how much of this was just because they're very wealthy men- only one of whom I've ever heard of before- and how much of it was because it was a very bizarre and unique ongoing situation, how much of it was the intersection of that.

But pretty much everybody with enough knowledge to be worth talking to about this knew, like, Monday that even if they weren't dead right then, they were very unlikely to make it out alive, and watching the news wind a bunch of people up over the hopeful outcome was revolting.

Okay. We'll see if I can go 24 hours without talking about this. If you made it to the end of this absolute fucking novel, congratulations and/or I'm sorry.

[teyamsatan]

dilf jake sully's biggest kinks?

argh, people sending me anything jake related??? immediately h word alert thinking about it ok let's see bb

i feel like this man has so many kinks, but that might be just me projecting all my kinks onto the most dilf man i've ever seen in my life. i only chose a few, cause othrwise i'd be writing a whole ass thesis and getting my phd on why dilf! jake sully can break my back and step on me and i'd thank him for it. anyway, here's my top contenders:

(🔞 smut under the cut)

dacryphilia/overstimulation

dilf!jake loves it when you cry. he gets off on seeing your puffy face as he sinks into your warm, sopping cunt, whimpering something or other about "'s too much, can't come anymore, daddy". he'd chuckle, a low, sonorous sound escaping his chest, bringing one of his hands up and gently removing your tears before they reach soft cartilage of your ears. his fat tip kisses your cervix as he bottoms out in you, burying his teeth in the flesh of your shoulder to muffle his own moans threatening to escape at how good you feel squeezing him. "come on, princess. one more f'r me, i know you have it in ya. come on daddy's cock and then i'll fill you up, how's that sound, huh?"

somnophilia

being olo'eyktan, dilf!jake finds himself in a... sticky situation at least weekly as he comes to your shared tent in the middle of the night yet again, kept against his will in meeting after meeting after meeting, when all he can think about is you, and how you're most likely sleeping peacefully, your naked body glistening under the light emanating from the plants surrounding you, peaking through the weaves of the marui. he can't help the way his digits fist around his throbbing cock at your sight, always better than even his best dreams, pumping himself vigorously as he stalks towards you, kneeling in between your legs, wasting no time as his tongue starts lapping at your dripping folds, nearly coming apart at the seams at the way even in your sleep, you can't help exhale breathy moans of "daddy, please. need'ya in me, daddy!" "always so needy for daddy's cock, you dream about it, huh, babygirl?"

daddy kink/breeding kink

there's nothing that makes dilf!jake want to fuck you senseless more than one little word. just one word, coming out your perfect, fuckable mouth: daddy. "say it again, kid." his pace is ruthless as he has you on all fours, fingers wrapped around your braided hair and the other on your hips, pulling your body back as he's slamming into you with enough force to knock the air out of your lungs with every thrust. "d-daddy, daddy, daddy!" "that's right, kid. daddy's gonna take good care of you. gonna come in this tight little pussy. gonna put another baby in you, huh?" you try to nod or say yes, but all that comes out are blabbered mewls as Jake's cock bruises your cervix, one hand reaching around to circle your clit in the way he knows will have you squirting all around him, your slick and cum dripping down his balls and thighs, mixing with his seed that he fucks back into you, using his length as a plug to make sure nothing gets wasted. "...d-daddy..." "that's right, kid. taking my cum like the good girl you are."

i might do a part 2 cause i feel like i've missed some important kinks that i'd like to... explore ;)

arghhh i need him, i need him so badly, i need him entirely, wholly, substantially, exceedingly,...