#like you guys have been practicing medicine for 50+ years and this is still the best you can do…smh

[nghtspckl]

Queen giving birth in warriors: ahhh oooh ouch it hurts so bad

Medicine cat:

[daemondaes]

gravity falls au notes/thoughts—

     this cherry is the oldest cherry (in her 50s! wow!). her canon story is honestly pretty 70s/80s-coded and plays into the tropes of the religious horror movies of the time, so in terms of dates, it ties in surprisingly nicely with the timeline of GF.

     early 1970s: she strikes it out on her own, roaming the country as an artist and exorcist/occultist, passes through gravity falls...then becomes queen of the gnomes. it's actually nikita who becomes the gnome queen, because of course the demon won't reject the opportunity to cultivate power. cherry never would have agreed to it (she can't be tied down now! she has too much to live for!), but because they share a body, she doesn't really have a say in the deal. this goes on, with cherry investigating all the weird stuff going down in the area (while also being investigated by @stnford???) and nikita reigning over the woods, biting heads off birds, etc.

     late 80s: one of cherry's little adventures has her in way over her head, and she gets dragged to hell (as in canon). years pass, the quirky artist is missing from GF, the gnomes are out of a queen again, but she was a drifter anyway! maybe she just skipped town and decided not to come back. meanwhile, she's dealing with what is supposed to be an eternity of torture—so she's not aging, has no way to measure the passage of time, even her wounds heal without a trace just to be inflicted again, etc.

     late 90s/early 2000s-now: as we know, she eventually escapes, and comes back with white-streaked hair and an eye missing! anyway, this cherry still passes through gravity falls regularly, can be found unwinding at skull fracture, and technically should be gnome queen again, but she's doing her best to avoid that duty.

also, just because i think it's funny and i don't expect anyone to contradict me by rping him, i'm going to say that cherry and jeff the gnome maybe had (or worse, have?) a little on-again, off-again thing, who knows? depends on who you're asking and how much they feel like sharing

ciel: alien. nothing really needs to change except that he was discovered by kamau not in france, but in good ol' gravity falls, which kamau was visiting for research and inspiration for his next novel. he's a funny lil guy for whom disco never died. he's also been in town since the 70s. being a shapeshifter, there's no telling how old he really is. usually seems to wear a turtleneck and bell-bottoms, so if you doubt who you're talking to, that's a clue (;

hansel: also still largely his canon self. he's still a bio professor who researches the paranormal in his spare time. amelia is still his family's science project and cyrille still hates him. he still dabbles in medical care for non-human creatures who can't seek out standard medical assistance, but! he now also picked up a second doctorate (and associated license) in vet medicine solely to inform his practice and make acquiring supplies easier. this part is now canon, btw—i just need to update the carrd!

[goldenraeofsun]

Day 23: Sleepless Nights

Dean 11:31 Hey sorry to text so soon But did you pick up an ID with my face on it after dinner?

Cas 11:39 No, but the restaurant called me a half hour ago. They found it while closing up, and they had my number on file from when I made the reservation.

Dean 11:42 Thank god

Cas 11:42 My apologies; I was going to leave you a message in the morning, as you mentioned needing to get up early. Also, what do you mean by “so soon”?

Dean 11:44 Dude Its been two hours since our date How soon do you consider too soon?

Cas 11:45 I’ve never given it much thought.

Dean 11:45 Seriously?

Cas 11:48 I text when it feels right. I don’t have a numerically-based system.

Dean 11:50 That’s insane.

Cas 11:51 Well, Dean, what’s your system, then?

Dean 11:52 24 hours minimum 1 week max unless they’re batshit Usually averages out to 3 days

Cas 11:57 What do you mean “batshit”?

Dean 11:57 You know Psychos Nut jobs One sandwich short of a picnic Dudes who say their spirit animal is Elon Musk

Cas 11:58 That’s an impressive array of synonyms, but it doesn’t actually give me much information.

Dean 11:58 Seriously??? Ok then Like, the guy who tried to pressure me into a threesome with his ex cause I’m bi Or the lady who practically drank a whole bottle of wine by herself and yelled at the waiter because he didn’t refill our bread basket

Cas 11:58 I see what you mean.

Dean 11:59 OR that guy who mentioned he was casually into cannibalism??? Who the hell drops that on a first date. Glenn Close wannabes, that’s who

Cas 12:00 I’m astounded you had that many bad first dates.

Dean 12:01 Those are only from this year!

Cas 12:01 That sounds horrendous.

Dean 12:02 Heh. Cannibal guy gave good head, so there’s that. Dude knew his way around some man meat, if you know what I mean

Cas 12:02 Unfortunately, I do. Excuse me while I wait a full week to text you ever again.

Dean 12:03 C’mon, I didn’t even tell you about my worst first date!

Dean 12:14 Cas?

Cas 12:18 Go on.

Dean 12:18 Thank fuck, I thought I actually scared you off

Cas 12:18 Despite appearances, I don’t scare easily.

Dean 12:19 For a nerdy dude in a trench coat, you’re made of pretty stern stuff, I’ll give you that

Cas 12:21 Thank you?

Dean 12:26 Don’t mention it ANYWAY worst first date in the history of first dates: The setting: Los Angeles, California, August 2017 Our hero, the dashingly handsome PA, Dean Winchester, has a date with a slightly less-attractive but still stunning guest star from episode 24 of Dr. Sexy, MD who will die three episodes later from a cerebrovascular infection of her spinal cord.

Cas 12:27 Technically, doctors should only use “Dr” or “MD”, not both. And that diagnosis makes absolutely no sense.

Dean 12:28 Shhh DSM had to let go their medical expert due to budget cuts in the 15th season

Cas 12:28 I cannot believe the abbreviation for that show is DSM.

Dean 12:28 Huh?

Cas 12:31 In the medical community, whenever you hear DSM, they’re almost always referring to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders.

Dean 12:34 Hahahahaha Maybe I should buy a copy for the set Then they’ll get SOMETHING right

Cas 12:34 I hardly ever call any case hopeless, but in this case, I might make an exception.

Dean 12:36 Yeah that checks out But nobody watches DSM for the medicine The other stuffs the compelling bits

Cas 12:37 They'd better not be. It's a gross misrepresentation of the medical system. Firstly, their sterile fields leave much to be desired. I had to pause in the middle of the intubation scene.

Dean 12:42 Hold on You actually watched DSM??

Cas 12:44 Of course. You mentioned you worked on the show when we met. I'd be a poor date if I hadn't watched at least an episode. 

Dean 12:44 Oh my god you did homework for our date tonight??? You're such a nerd

Cas 12:45 Dr. Nerd, MD, actually.

Dean 12:46 Ha! You're still Dr Sexy to me

Dean 12:46 Shit that was the stupidest thing I've ever sent. Forget I wrote that. 

Cas 12:47 I think it's flattering :D

Dean 12:48 Thank fuck

Cas 12:52 It wasn't only to prepare for our date. You obviously care a lot about the show, so if I couldn't stand it, I figured it would be a good indicator of our compatibility. 

Dean 12:55 Holy shit. I never thought about it like that I used to tell people it was a guilty pleasure

Cas 12:56 What changed?

Dean 12:57 I got the job on set and everyone there doesn’t treat it like a dirty little secret Sure they know its stupid and shit, but it’s fun, stupid shit

Cas 1:00 I’m glad you like your job.

Dean 1:00 You don’t?

Cas 1:11 I like the mission of my job. But some days the death, pain, and petty workplace grievances make me question my choice. I chose emergency medicine because I was under the impression it required fewer people skills. I thought I would see more acute cases of broken bones, gunshots, burns, etc. But these days, half of my patients use ER doctors as their primary physicians because they can’t afford regular doctor visits for their chronic conditions. I even have a few “regulars”, which I never anticipated having.

Dean 1:12 Damn That sounds brutal

Cas 1:13 Not to mention my hundred thousand dollars of student loan debt.

Dean 1:13 Jesus Sammy’s in the same boat between undergrad and law school

Cas 1:14 But not you?

Dean 1:20 I never went to college

Cas 1:20 Good.

Dean 1:23 What?

Cas 1:25 It seems you didn’t waste your money or time, as you’re in a profession that makes you happy and supports a lifestyle you’re making work.

Dean 1:25 I guess so. I just never figured you’d be all aboard the high school drop out train

Cas 1:31 Usually no, not unless the person has a clear path ahead of what they would like to do instead. My brother transferred from a prestigious liberal arts college to a trade school for plumbers, and he has had no greater joy explaining to my uptight parents the latest thing he pulled out from a client’s septic tank.

Dean 1:32 He sounds like a riot

Cas 1:33

He also makes a killing. Apparently an equal number of people need doctors as plumbers, to my parents’ great chagrin.

Dean 1:33 I like him already

Cas 1:35 You’ll like him until he short sheets your bed and locks you in the wine cellar during dessert so he gets the whole Black Forest gateau to himself.

Dean 1:36 That’s HILARIOUS

Cas 1:38 I almost wet myself, Dean.

Dean 1:38 And you think that makes it less funny???

Cas 1:43 I should have known older brothers would take each others’ side.

Dean 1:44 Damn right It’s in the big brother handbook

Cas 1:49 Did you terrorize Sam too?

Dean 1:52 No And whatever he tells you about itching powder, a farting donkey, and superglue is totally a lie

Cas 1:53 Never mind. I don’t even want to know.

Dean 1:58 Yeah, nobody came out the winner that time Sammy always gave as good as he got though But you seem like the kind of goody two shoes who wouldn’t get your big brother back like he deserved

Cas 2:03 I was worse as a child. It didn’t help that Gabe had an almost preternatural ability to anticipate retaliation. My choices of pranks were never particularly inventive, so he saw them coming from a mile away.

Dean 2:04 So Gabe is a plumber with a sweet tooth?

Cas 2:05 Yes?

Dean 2:06 You got any other ammo on him?

Cas 2:07 He also has an extensive porn collection of vintage Casa Erotica VHS and goes to some annual pornography convention in Vegas. My parents didn’t cut him off for dropping out of college because they were well aware of his alternative and, in their mind, Gabe chose the lesser of two evils.

Dean 2:11 Holy shit, Cas That’s what you LEAD with

Cas 2:12 Excuse me?

Dean 2:19 Next time you’re at his place, you’re gonna swap out half those VHS for Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood or Nut Cracker or a Nova documentary Just total boner-killers. He won’t see it coming. Heh Literally

Cas 2:20 Truly?

Dean 2:22 I don’t see why he would

Cas 2:23 Thank you. I might actually take your suggestion.

Dean 2:25 Do it! And then tell me how it goes. Sammy’s all the way in Seattle, so we haven’t had a real prank war in too long.

Cas 2:27 Aren’t you a little old for such childish behavior?

Dean 2:30 You’re older than I am!

Cas 2:31 I’m making up for lost time.

Dean 2:32 You’re unbelievable. Alright, Marcia, if you want to play it that way See if I help you when Gabe hides your stethoscope or dyes your white coat pink in retaliation

Cas 2:35 … he dyed it bright yellow, actually.

Dean 2:36 HAHAHAHAH

Cas 2:37 I looked like a YIELD sign.

Dean: 2:39 Please tell me you have pictures

Cas 2:43 I do, actually. IMG_215

Dean 2:44 What’s with the black stripes?

Cas 2:45 I added the stripes for Halloween last year. I was a bumblebee.

Dean 2:46 Damn Not even a sexy bumblebee?

Cas 2:49 Ah, but you can’t see what’s under my doctor’s coat.

Dean 2:50 An even smaller bumblebee costume?

Cas 2:52 No…

Dean 2:53 Don’t do this to me Lingerie?

Cas 2:55 I wore SCRUBS, Dean, because I am a medical professional.

Dean 2:58 You’re such an ass What are you doing this year?

Cas 2:58 I was thinking of wearing my usual coat and scrubs.

Dean 3:01 Booooo

Cas 3:02 What are you going as, then?

Dean 3:05 A cowboy! Tenth year in a row, baby. If it ain’t broke, yadda yadda yadda

Cas 3:06 But, having recently seen a new medical show, I was thinking of adding cowboy boots to my standard getup.

Dean 3:08 No way

Cas 3:08 Do you by chance have a spare pair I could borrow for Halloween?

Dean 3:10 Hell yes I do! But Shit, I have a 5am call time tomorrow Today? Fuck. I think I have to cut his convo short

Cas 3:11 Oh dear My apologies for keeping you so late! :o

Dean 3:14 Not your fault at all dude

Cas 3:15 I never even heard the story of your worst first date!

Dean 3:18 How about I tell you over dinner Friday? 7PM work with you? You chose the place last time, so I’ll pick this one

Cas 3:18 It’s a date :D

[the-firebird69]

Sable FLASHED for Hulk Hogan #hulkhogan #vincemcmahon #therock #wwe #ufc...

The idiots should be taken seriously and they have given smarter people an avenue and advantage and we don't know what it is there's some s*** coming out that is so heavy these guys are starting to hide from us finally and also they're just about to get wrecked they've got a huge attitudes and they really get killed quite easily there's a huge number of them dying everyday and it's going to just increase as people go after huge stashes and caches to try and fight us there's rumors going around that we don't know what we're talking about and he says just 75% of the population is what morlock were 2 years ago or three and nobody could hear it see practically anything. He also makes a note that it's not the warlock who did it there not smart enough they were not the ones who grew their dying very easily themselves it was the clans. And we're so the biggest and his brother and they're out to lunch and are getting us killed and possibly all of us that's what happened we didn't lose to you numbnuts and you numbnuts are losing to the clans and you're mean to this guy and he's not really proud of them and ken who knows what his deal is. Nobody can see it or hear what he's talking about and he says this other race should be able to tell you and we get that well you get out of them is he's a mean person and a killer and he drives what you're up to and he can go in there and drive you out and then they say the big picture we're not sure what the hell he's done or is doing this is some people are kind of pushed out or cut out of you it kind of just let the stay out there and it's still a crime so we get that but still this is a damn nuisance.

Hulk Hogan

Yeah I'm thinking the beer was a good idea and they want it and it's a double in sword for them

..

I think I might support it it's a good idea you think it's image off and put the label on a little better and make it a lesser beer and apply tons of it and we can prove huge huge amounts believe it or not we can turn it on and I see what it does right now they're getting choked off and he says you get all that beer going in there and tanker trucks and the bottle it there because it's like you know 50 or miles away and they're trying to attack each other cuz they're goofballs and with those trucks and that's what mad Max is from he believes that's an incredible journey this kid has been on he doesn't like working 24 hours a day and these people are slave drivers and they don't know what he's doing it's really weird they're like trust him or something cuz these idiots here but more so the clans got away with a lot of stuff and hitting these idiots too. He's watching me arm wrestling he says that's nothing you're a bunch of boobs and starting to see him get crushed and he says what do you mean I said these are people who are my clients are oppressed by both and they're taking it out on you you start getting mad and he says I don't really believe him he said who gives a s*** with your f****** opinions and the guy your medicine do you know what you're talking to the tip s*** next door the ties everyday and so he shut up and you said I got to do something about that so I'm going to rip you apart you're a f****** and you know it it says what was you do so he did his little dance and I'm acting like I fell for it and we beat him up every day and he's a loser I'm going to straighten them out

Brock Lesnar

Olympus permission to print granted

[lysung]

happy first times - bang chan

you and bang chan's daughter comes back home from school earlier than expected and started acting weird, as if she's hiding something.

A/N: hi hi! sorry for being so inactive, uni had me messed up the whole year :( anyways. it's been quite some time since i wrote and posted anything in here, and i haven't been practicing english often either, i'm not sure if i'm doing anything right in here but i hope it's understandable and enjoyable 😭 also, i'm not sure how things work where you live, but at the elementary school where i studied, if you weren't feeling well, felt lots of pain or anything like this, and no one were home to get you back home, someone specific would drop you home. i wrote this based on this vague memory. you can pretend this happens where you live too if it doesn't lol and a fun fact: i've been struggling trying to pay attention to stuff that i wondered if my mind was still working properly, and after watching a clip of chan talking about periods, i was more than sure it was working very well 🥴. took the chance to write this.

genre: fluff

cw: overflowing cuteness, bang chan being the best man ever you'll ba your eyes out because you still can't believe someone this precious exist.

reader's gender is neutral! your daughter can be biological or adopted if you want to, all up to you! feel comfortable <3

this wasn't proofread because it's literally 6am when i'm posting this and maybe i didn't sleep at all just to finish this, but i'll try to remember to do so later today! pls tell me if you find any mistake too <3

hope you guys enjoy it! requests are open ✨

----------------------------------------------------

[09:50]

today is a sunny, fresh and bright day. bang chan, your husband, is taking some time off after his promotions were finally over. although you still had to go to work, today's the day when you're supposed to leave earlier. today just couldn't feel any better than this.

while waiting for you, chan was watching tv until he hears a noise coming from the front door. immediately he thought you would be home, but got confused as he saw your daughter coming in by herself.

- baby? what are you doing here this early? you're supposed to be at-

- iknow, i know. one of my teachers had to leave earlier today and she left me here, because you just wouldn't pick up your phone... — she cut him off with a sad and tired gaze, and chan instantly regretted leaving his phone so far from him earlier.

- ohhhh, i'm sorry so sorry my angeeel — he hugged her while carressing her hair, and she just responded with a quiet yet lovely "it's okay, dad" — but are you okay? what happened that you had to come back home this early?

- i just... don't feel good, my stomach aches way too much... but you don't have to worry, they just- they told me to take some medicine and rest for today — she explained, her voice crackling a bit, as if she was looking for the right words and was about to cry.

chan noticed her unusual behaviour and expressions. at first, he didn't intend to tell her about it or get mad, and just decided to pay extra attention for the rest of the day. as she distanced herself from him, he notices something else - the vivid red stain on her pants, on the inner side of her legs.

reality never hit him this hard. both of you were aware she was growing up, that's just how tome works, but once again, time felt like flying. as if watching her taking her first steps, saying her first words, making her first dawings and friends... everything felt like it hadn't been this long. every moment felt like a blessing. everything gives you two a specific feeling that probably no one will ever be able to put in perfect words.

chan felt his eyes tearing up as so many memories flashed one after another, finding himself at loss of words from the insane mix of feelings.

she turned to him to ask for something, just to find him with his head down, coverig his own face with one hand, sobbing quietly. the feeling of rgret instantly filled her up, as she was still confused and scared, fearing bad things to happen. she was so afraid and ashamed that she could barely tell or show it to anyone at school. but she calms down as she hears his words noticeably filled with love:

- my baby... i love you so much. but do you know what's happening to you now? — chan got closer to his precious daughter to hold her face with his hands and stare deeply into her eyes.

- ah, n-no... it's nothing bad, right? everything is gonna be fine, right? — she asked, fear still clear on her eyes and voice.

- no, it's nothing bad. you're just growing up and this is completely normal for you. i'll grab you a cup of warm water, sit down and i'll tell you everything i know about it. but relax, you're fine, baby. — he calmed her down while trying to control his proud smile, and ended with a kiss on her forehead before leaving, taking a little longer as expected to get a bag of warm water as well.

sat down next to each other, she drank her water calmly as she listened to her dad. she always knew how understanding chan can be, but this sudden situation made every kind of thought come to her head to the point nothing from the outside world would get in or make sense to her. yet, each and every word that came out of him would tranquilize her more and more. he felt like heaven to her, and she couldn't feel any more safer and happier with her precious dad.

while she showered and changed, chan left to buy meds and chocolate, hoping it would make her feel at least a little bit better. he spent the next few hours taking care of her as much as possible - making hot chocolate for her, listening to everything she wanted to say, watching her favorite series with her, massaging her wherever it hurted, trying his best to make her feel as comfortable as possible.

- honey, i'm home! — you announced happily after a long and exausting day. work felt endless and you couldn't wait to eat a little bit and sleep a little more. you were about to say something more, until you found the loves of your life sleeping next to each other on your sofabed, a movie playing on the tv, mugs on the tables next to them - a cute, calm smile on your sleeping daughter's face.

you went to the kitchen to grab water and noticed a paper on the table, which said "don't be scared, she's growing up faster than we thought and had her period at school today. she's fine! sorry for not telling you earlier. love you!"

you watched them sleep a little bit more. it was the best view you could have - your incredible and beautiful family. the moment also made you tear up a little bit, but it didn't take long for you to hold it and lay with them. it was unfortunate that you couldn't take care of your daughter as well, but there was nothing to worry or feel upset about. you knew both you and your daughter would be safe and sound if you have bang chan - the best friend, husband, dad and person.

you two couldn't love him any more than this.

[a-cupof-jo]

Dyspnea

Parings: Potion Master!Jaehyun X Medicinal Herbalist!Reader

Genre: Fluff, Intended Angst, Magic!au

WC: 4.1K

Warnings: magic inaccuracies, food mentioned, tiny bit suggestive

For @ficscafe fic scenario event! 

Summary:  The candle flickered as Jaehyun’s breath caught the flame. The life you two lived together was simple, but he wouldn’t change anything about it, “Happy birthday, Jaehyun. Make a wish.” The flame flickered out. He hadn’t known it then, but he should have used that wish more wisely.

Prompt: 38. When they test out a love potion on their partner.

~~

It wasn’t fair that so many people get to enjoy this day while he is stuck behind the shuttered windows  dark shadows. He doesn’t hate this day. How could he? It was Valentine's day- and his birthday but that never mattered. Not to the everyday people who slip through his door hours before this day begins. He can’t blame them. For they came in search of something only he can provide. 

Love.

Or at least some figment of love. For some it was a way to prove their love. Others used it to try and get their long time crush to like them back. Jaehyun can’t help but laugh every time a young teenager pushes open the door to his shop for the nth time that week saying that they wanted to test this “love potion” on another person. Of course he doesn’t give them a full love potion. Just something diluted down closer to an addictive, like honey. It barely lasts 15 minutes. 

He hears a bell chime from the other room. Whipping his hands on his apron he walks through the separating doorway. “I’m sorry,” he glances toward a cracked window that no longer had sunlight gleaming through it. “I am actually closed.” 

“Oh,” a man just shorter than Jaehyun stood in the middle of the room. “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize. I’ll just come back tomorrow.” He bit his lip lightly glancing around the room.

“Nonsense,” Jaehyun waved his hand. “You are already here. Might as well make good of the trip. Besides. I don’t mind.” He grinned at the man, trying to ease the tension that laced through the newcomers face.

The man sighed before stepping closer, “I still feel bad.”

“Don’t,” Jaehyun gave a light laugh. “Gives me something better to do than stir pots,” he watched the man warily as the sentence left his lips. “Magical beings” were still a wary subject for some people even if they had been able to practice in the open for nearly 50 years now. When the man just gave him a small smile Jaehyun stepped behind the counter that held his potions and elixirs. “What can I help you find today Mr…”

“Oh, Lee. But just call me Taeyong,” he waved his hand around peering through the glass at the display. “Well here’s my situation.” He glanced up at Jaehyun. “I have a date coming up and my date said there is this potion that allowed a person to change their hair color just by drinking it,” Taeyong looked amazed as he stared up at Jaehyun. “I wanted to try it out for our next date. That, and I’m not sure how much more bleaching my scalp can go through.” He combed his hand through his hair giving it a light tug at the bangs afterwards. 

Jaehyun grimaced as he watched the straw like strands fall back into place, “Well you’re where you need to be. I have a lot of potions for that.” He moved down the row to where a shelf full of colorful bottles filled every inch. “There’s all of these, plus I can also create other colors if you don’t see one you like here.”

Taeyong peered back through the glass eyes wide with wonder. He glanced around the box a few times. "What about white?" He rested a hand over a bottle he assumed to hold the potion. 

Jaehyun grinned, "One of my best sellers." Reaching for a little black jar Jaehyun scan the man. He would obviously look good with white hair. He probably looks good with any color of hair. "You just want to try the white?" 

Taeyong hummed a second glancing toward the moonlit window, "Yes, just the white." 

Jaehyun set the bottle is a small leather pouch, "2 shillings." The coins clinked as rested on the counter. "Enjoy! Have a good night." He watched the thin man walk through the door and past the window before latching the door shut. Taeyong had been pleasant and kind but Jaehyun couldn't help but be slightly peeved with the man. Unlatching the door he peeked his head out; he glanced to his left and, yes, there was still the sign with hours stating 'Dawn to Dusk' hanging off the building. 

The moon was bright tonight and he couldn’t help but stare at it. How could it be that a ball of rock could bring him such peace. Maybe it was just the ambiance, but a little part of him wants to believe that there's a little man that lives on that moon and watches over the earth. It might seem ridiculous, but he could brew color changing elixirs and make people fall in love, so it couldn’t be that far fetched. 

“Happy birthday, sweetie,” Jaehyun jumped lightly as arms wrapped around him from behind. He sighed as you placed your chin on his shoulder. “Sorry I wasn’t back earlier. I got stuck talking to Johnny at the market.” Your finger traced little patterns on his stomach as you both stood in the dimly lit doorway. “Come on, I’ll make dinner.” You pulled at his arm. Jaehyun closed his eyes taking a deep breath of clear night air before turning and giving you a soft smile. “I may have something for you. You know, considering it is valentines day.” 

“Only because it’s valentines day,” He raised an eyebrow at you as you glided through the small store. 

You were once an enigma to him. Someone he couldn’t reach, couldn’t touch. Your brother, adoptive brother, Johnny was Jaehyun’s best friend growing up. You were the aloof younger sister that Jaehyun hardly knew about until you made it to your apprenticeship. For as long as Jaehyun had known you, you’d have always been enamored by plants and flowers. So, when he found out you were studying herbal medicine, he wasn’t surprised. 

“Of course, what other day would it be,” you gave him a small smile as you stood near the pot Jaehyun had previously been working at.

Jaehyun's relationship with you had been moments of fleeting looks, paths crossing, and unspoken rules. Two lives bending and swaying, following the same path, but never touching. Until you broke the pattern, you veered off course.

He had just finished his apprenticeship with the, now retired, potions master Kim. Mr. Kim had taken Jaehyun in from a young age, raising him when Jaehyun’s parents decided they didn’t want anything to do with someone containing magical properties. Johnny had planned a small party congratulating Jaehyun on his success. He didn’t know you were going to be there. Even if you were Johnny’s sibling you never showed anything but indifference to Jaehyun. Music had played from a small group of boys too loud for the space they were in. 

You had sauntered over, a small flute of champagne dangling from your fingertips. "Can you do it?" Jaehyun had been surprised by your bluntness. "Take over for Kim. There's gonna be a lot of pressure," you noted, not unkindly. 

"There will be, but Mr. Kim wouldn't let me take over if he didn't have at least some confidence in my abilities," he swiped the glass from your hand and swallowed down the contents. "Besides, he's still going to be around. He hasn't cut me loose yet." 

You grabbed his hand in yours and tugged him towards the outskirts of dancing people, "A dance?" You didn't wait for a response as you twirled him closer to the center of the floor. 

Jaehyun was not surprised at your fluid movements. Johnny had always bragged about how his sister was a natural dancer and the best in their city, perhaps the world. He smiled at you now sharing Johnny's sentiments. You gave him a small grin in return as the music died, "You're going to be great."

A whoop went up from one of the musicians, Donghyuck, Jaehyun's brain supplied. Your grin grew as you raised your voice in a louder whoop. Jaehyun watched as the sentimental atmosphere changed. You grabbed his hands leading him to a lively dance, "Beside, you can't fail, not when I'm just a few doors down." 

"You mean cause Ms. Joy is a few doors down," Jaehyun teasing corrected. 

You shake your head at him, "I'll be a few doors down." 

You were, and a line that you didn't know existed between you both was crossed. Jaehyun wasn't sure who started the late night rendezvous or the unspoken pact of always standing by each other, but turned into late night talks which turned into early morning coffee, and later, shared lunches. 

You guys fell into a rhythm, a three year rhythm that morphed into passing kisses, soft hugs, mornings of gentle coaxing and nights of soft loving. 

Jaehyun wrapped his arms around you glancing into the pot full of a clear liquid, thicker than water and smelled of sweet syrup, "Busy?" 

You spun to face him shaking your head as you fixed the collar of his shirt, "Everyone was too busy being in love to be worried about visiting me.” 

“Ah, the prettiest healer on the street doesn’t have love on this day,” Jaehyun furrowed his brow. “I knew this would happen. You would leave me because I have given love to everyone but you.”

You gave him a light giggle kissing the corner of his mouth, “I would never leave you.” You spin out of his arms walking further towards the house that sat behind the shop. “You are my soulmate,” you gave Jaehyun a look full of adoration and love.

Jaehyun was sure that his face read the same, “My perfect half.” 

You motioned for him to follow you, “Come, I made something for you.”

“Made something for me,” Jaehyun stepped into the small living areas entryway. “What is the occasion?”

“It’s Valentine's Day,” you had shrugged, pulling a large dutch oven out of the convection oven. You turned and furrowed your brows at him, “and I think there’s something else going on today. Any idea what that is?” 

Jaehyun shrugged, “None that I can think of.” 

“Hmm,” you opened the lid letting more of the aroma fill the room. Your mouth popped open in  mock surprise, “Oh, that’s right. It’s your birthday.” You placed vegetables on the table before scooping up some hot soup. You widen your eyes at him, humor dancing through them, “I can’t believe I forgot about it. Especially because I got you something special.” 

“Something special?” Jaehyun placed cups on the small table as you set down the plates. “Where is it?” 

You grinned and leaned in close to his ear, “That’s for me to know and you to find.” You laughed as Jaehyun let out a choked breath and scanned you up and down. “Now, let’s eat. You’re going to need all of your energy.” 

“You are going to be the death of me,” Jaehyun gave an astonished laugh grinning as you sat across from him placing a small cupcake in front of him. 

The candle flickered as Jaehyun’s breath caught the flame. The life you two lived together was simple but he wouldn’t change anything about it, “Happy birthday, Jaehyun. Make a wish.” The flame flickered out. He hadn’t known it then, but he should have used that wish more wisely.

~~

Jaehyun hummed under his breath as the sun shone through his shop's open windows. Spring was just around the corner and Jaehyun’s happy mood couldn’t be dimmed. Warm bright weather brought in more customers. More customers meant that he was busier, and brought in more revenue, but mostly he was busier. That was one reason Jaehyun loved his job. He was working with his hands all day. There was never a moment where he was bored. 

He watched as a little boy walked between the two aisles the shop held. It wasn’t much, but the little trinkets and common potions that lined the shelves made Jaehyun proud of how far he had come. He could still picture the small store from when he was around the young boy's age. Laughter sounded through the store as the boy tried to escape his mother's hands. "Have a good day!" Jaehyun watched the giggling pair walk out the front door. Turning to the backroom he sighed looking at the pot that sat there.

The weeks he had spent trying to develop a new love potion was wasted as he, once again, failed. Since before Valentines day, now nearly 2 weeks ago, he had been cooped up in that backroom, trying to find a better love concoction. You, while fully willing, were starting to become an annoyed test subject. Jaehyun couldn't help but get testy when you complained about the new love potion. If you were gonna tell him it wasn't good or right then maybe you could give some ideas on how to fix it. Maybe he just needs to find a new test subject. Jaehyun looked through the list of love potions and ingredients that he had already used. Too many, he scowled down at the pages and pages of notes he had made on each variety of potion he had made. 

"Hello," he heard the little bell connected to the front door ring and someone walked around the shop, obviously looking for him. 

Jaehyun sighed, rolled his shoulders back and tried to put on his best smile, "Hi, what can I help you with- Oh Taeyong. Hello." Jaehyun scanned the man in front of him. "The white looks good."

Taeyong reached up and ran a hand through his bright white hair, "Thanks. I love it and so did my date." He tapped his index fingers together as he walked back up to the counter full of the colored potions. "I wanted to try more." 

Jaehyun smiled as the man scanned the rows, "We've plenty to choose from." 

Taeyong narrowed his eyes, concentrating on different colors. He eyes flickered up and met Jaehyun's, "I can't decide. What do you think? What would look good?" 

"He looks great in pink," a hand wrapped around his bicep. "He knows it too, but not many can pull it off well. You might be able to," Jaehyun grinned at you. While you were right about pink being a difficult color to pull off, you knew more than that, the pink dye was the hardest one to make. Which is why when Jaehyun glanced down at the box, he saw only 2 pink vials while the others had at least 10. "What about red? Maybe a green?" 

Taeyong watched the two of you share another quick look. Clearing his throat slightly he looked down in the box again.  "Red and green," he nodded his head. "Yes, I think I'll try those. One of each, please." 

Jaehyun grabbed the two vials and placed them both in a leather patch that you held open, "Okay, 4 shillings." Taeyong placed the coins in Jaehyun's hand. "Have a good day!" 

"You too," Taeyong gave a half hearted wave. 

Jaehyun sighed as your arms wrapped fully around him, “What’s up?” Your eyebrows furrowed as you stared at his face, your eyes fluted around looking for an answer. 

“I still can’t get this potion right,” he ran his hands up and down your arms. Jaehyun felt you press closer to you, your hands started running up and down his sides. “I want something different, something that shows who you are supposed to love, but how are you supposed to know that.”

“Soulmates.” Jaehyun startled as the voice rang through the shop. He turned to glare at the man who had made him jump, “Sorry.” Taeyong raised his hands. “I didn’t mean to intrude or overstay my welcome, but I can’t help but be fascinated by all of this. And also you can’t really-”

“It’s fine,” your arms dropped away from Jaehyun. You finger tapped your chin as you considered Taeyong words, “Soulmates… that may work, but, how could you put something like a soulmate indicator in a love potion.”

Jaehyun tapped his hands on the counter. Soulmates, while not nonexistent, hadn’t been thought about in decades. In fact, Jaehyun didn't know the first thing about finding soulmates or even if he believed in them. It’s not not very plausible, he can’t just give someone a potion and tell them that it will give them their soulmate. There's more to it than that. More to love and being in love then just having souls destined to be together, "I can't do that." He shakes his head at the two who had continued to excitedly discuss the topic. He watched as their faces morphed to disbelief and disappointment. 

Your hands came up to rest on your hips, "And why not." 

Jaehyun reached into the glass cabinet rearranging vials and avoiding eye contact, "There's no way I can reveal soulmates. Too many indicators and no defiant way to squeeze all of those into one potion. Soulmates and their indicators have been hidden for years and it's rare that people ever find or want to be with their soulmate. Besides, there are too many variables." 

"Too many variables," you gave a light scoff. 

"What if you didn't give them a way to instantly reveal their soulmate," Taeyong cut in. "What if, instead, you revealed soulmate indicators or made them stronger." 

"What do you mean," Jaehyun sighed. He knew they weren't going to give this up. The hope and excitement in their eyes made Jaehyun more hesitant to even consider creating this potion. 

Taeyong walked closer to the counter where Jaehyun and you stood. “Soulmates, they are predestined, we can’t control or decide who they are or how we get paired. Now, many of us don’t meet our soulmates, the bonds aren’t as strong and people can find people they truly love. What if you strengthen the bonds? Revealed them?” Taeyong lifted his hand wiggling his fingers. “Sometimes I think I feel a tug on my hand, especially when I am at home alone. I can’t help but wonder if, hope, it’s my soulmate.”

You watched him, an unfamiliar look in your eyes. Slowly you turned to Jaehyun and grabbed his right hand in both of yours, “Please Jaehyun, you can do this, we can do this. Help others find their soulmate, their perfect half.” Your eyes pleaded with him.

 It really wasn’t fair. You knew that he would do anything for you, and you used that against him. Jaehyun sighed, “Okay, I’ll try. If you think this will work I’m willing to work on it.” Jaehyun couldn’t help the small smile that graced his face as you gave him a hug cheering along with Taeyong. He watched as you danced around the room bidding goodbye as you ran back to work. Taeyong also raced out of the shop, saying something about a ruby and some fish. As he watched the door swing shut the smile dropped his face. He couldn’t help the dread that filled his stomach and the distinct feeling that this would not end well. 

~~

Jaehyun stirred the sweet smelling syrup again. This was his fifth attempt at this potion. By this point he was frustrated. Nothing was working, all he kept making were diluted love potions, potions that made eyes change colors when they saw their loved ones, and a potion that made your heart glow from inside your chest. Both you and Jaehyun had been disturbed by the last potion. He had spent two weeks trying to figure this out. Both Taeyong and you had been helping when and where you could. You would get herbs and plants of magical origins, guiding and helping with the new ones that Jaehyun hadn’t seen before. Whereas, Taeyong would stir the potions or gather, obscure, ingredients- fairy dust, dwarf warts, pegasus hoof shavings. While impressive, Jaehyun was too scared to ask Taeyong how he got all real, authentic these ingredients or knew about all of these ingredients. As far as Jaehyun knew, Taeyong wasn’t a magic user. Though he wouldn’t be surprised if he descended from fairies or mermaids. 

He sighed as the potion bubbled the mugwort he just dropped in hissed as it blended, “Make a potion, they said. It will help people, they said.” He pulled out another vial. He had it simply labeled “love”. A base potion that he used when creating all his love potions, but this wasn’t a love potion, not truly. People don’t fall in love because of it, they may not even be able to find love because of it. With that thought in mind he set the base potion down and pulled out a different potion. It’s more medicinal, healing than anything else. It was the first potion that you and Jaehyun had made together. A potion that could heal a bond. Chi bonds specifically. Maybe it would work. If he broke it down to its core parts and mixed it with the current love potion or maybe the one that made your heart glow just a few nights ago.

Jaehyun jumped from his seat racing around the room grabbing ingredients and writing down ratios and doses. The smell of linens and irises filled the room. Jaehyun could help but feel comfort from the two smells. It smelled like you. Like a warm day under the sun laying in the little meadow sitting on the outskirts of town. 

“It smells so good here,” Jaehyun looked up as you entered the room. You closed your eyes inhaling a deep breath. “Like just after it rains and…” you took another deep breath, “and roses.”

Jaehyun tilted his head. That was interesting. The scent was different to everyone. Maybe it was a comforting scent or the scent of your beloved. It may have worked this time. Jaehyun stirred the pot a few more times before turning off the heat, “I just need to let it cool now.” 

You walked closer to him peering down into the now pale yellow potion, “You think it worked this time?” 

Jaehyun wrapped an arm around your waist. He shrugged, his chin coming to rest on your shoulder, “Maybe. I tried something different this time. It may do the trick.”

You hummed as he swayed you both back and forth, “That’s good. I’m really glad that you decided to make this. Soulmates were intended to be together, to have each other and we’ve moved so far from that.” You reached up and played with his hair twirling it between your fingers a few times, “I know that it doesn’t really matter, but I’d like to know, to confirm what I know, you’re my soulmate.”

Jaehyun was so in love with you. So ready to spend the rest of his days with you. He took another deep breath, linens and irises, “My better half.” He kissed under your ear before moving to grab a ladle from beside the pot, “Would you like to ladle or hold the bottles.” You grabbed the ladle from him motioning to move closer to the pot. “Would you like to know what I used this time? What the heart of this potion?” He watched you nod your head urging him to continue, “Our first potion.” Your head shot up surprise lighting up every feature. Jaehyun laughed, “I still remember you rushing in here and demanding I help you. You had never had to make a medicinal potion for a chi before. I hadn’t either, but that didn’t stop us from trying. Maybe we were lucky, or maybe it was fate because that day I feel deeply and madly in love with you. You unlocked my ability to love.” 

You stood still. Face slack jawed but eyes full of love, “You’re such a dork.” Jaehyun couldn’t say anything before you were in his arms, lips on his, and arms wrapped around his shoulders. “I love you.” 

“I love you,” Jaehyun grinned at you, pulling further away from you. He looked over at the now empty pot. “Now, rock, paper, scissors for who has to drink the potion.” He held his hand up in a fist.

“Fine,” You rolled your eyes at him. “Rock, paper, scissors.” You sighed as he held up scissors motioning to cut through your paper. “Fine,” you picked up the small vial tilting it in a small cheers before drinking the liquid inside. 

Jaehyun waited, the air tense around the two of you. A bell rang, but he didn’t pay any attention to it. A small red string pulled at your previously bare pinkie, “Hey guys! What’s going on. It smells so good here, like fresh linen and Irises. Are you guys back he- oh.” The string led past Jaehyun and tugged tight where Taeyong stood, his hand lifted in surprise.

~~

Tag List: @qianinterprises @stayctday @infnteen

[canary3d-obsessed]

Restless Rewatch: The Untamed - Episode 02

Warning: Spoilers for all 50 episodes!

(Masterpost ) (Previous Episode) (Next Episode)

Donkey Riding

way ho and away we go, donkey riding donkey riding way ho and away we go, riding on a donkey

Wei Wuxian and Apple are doing their best for the Ministry of Culture and Tourism. 

Xiao Zhan had trouble riding the donkey sitting side-saddle, so the Department of Questionable Practical Effects made him a fake leg to wear while riding regular style. 

Can you spot it? It’s very hard to spot. It is very convincing.

Simple Pleasures

Wei Wuxian takes his time wandering up the nearest mountain, and half of the cultivators in the land also wander up this mountain because...Night Hunting! The cultivators are hot and thirsty from walking because they forgot that they all know how to fly. 

Wei Wuxian relaxes by a well and listens to people stanning him. 

Also

I’m going to say it: Wei Wuxian never met a drinking vessel he couldn’t blow.

Everything is Beautiful at the Ballet

The actress who plays A-Yan is named Zhang Linran. She probably has studied dance since she was 4 and now she gets her big break which turns out to be feeding an apple to a donkey. So let’s pause for a second to look at how beautifully she moves.  

Reunions are Awkward, Part 1

Wei Wuxian meets up with one of his family members and it goes super well. 

I...like Jin Ling? He’s much less of a douchebag than his dad, his uncles Jin, Jiang, and Mo (the three stooges), and every damn one of his Jin cousins. He’s genuinely brave (his Dad’s primary good quality) and his hair is on fleek. He’s still a whiny diaper baby, but I like him. 

(much more after the cut!)

Then Jiang Cheng shows up, looking fine as hell and radiating peak arrogant-prick energy.

When he discovers that ‘Mo Xuanyu” stuck a piece of paper to Jin Ling, he tells the child to literally murder him. Excellent uncleing! A+++++ would recommend.  

“In fact, literally murder anyone who uses Yiling Laozu’s tools, like talismans, lure flags, or spirit compasses - basically murder everyone in the Lan Clan plus those other fanboys we saw coming up the hill. Then get out there and make some friends, goddamn it!”

These nets full of cultivators on this daytime night hunt are the only time we ever see anything in a net during a night hunt.  In fact dudes constantly go night hunting and the only prey we ever see is rock lady, murder turtle, and a couple of rag mops in the lake. 

You Are Not Qualified to Speak to Me

Also radiating arrogant-prick energy on this occasion is Lan Wangji. He has been using pettiness as a weapon since long before he met this Jiang Cheng turkey, and he *brings it* when Jiang Cheng tries to have a conversation with him.

Letting your eyes wander everywhere except to his punchable face while you ignore his passive-aggressive questions? Quality work. 

Dropping a silence spell on his child and then letting your own child explain it to him? Golden. 

Lan Wangji is never ever going to forgive Jiang Cheng for what he did on cliff day, and his silence here is as pointed as an ice pick. I suspect the last words Lan Wangji actually spoke to him were “Jiang Wanyin, stop it,” sixteen years ago. 

Jiang Cheng is actually the bigger person in this particular interaction, visibly mastering his temper and telling Jin Ling to take his medicine. 

Reflecting

Wei Wuxian hangs out by a beautiful river and hallucinates for a while. River Jiang Yanli is nurturing and River Jiang Cheng is pissed off, so there are no surprises there.  River Jiang Cheng thinks that Wei Wuxian is a promise-breaking douchebag. He’s not exactly wrong. 

Courtesy of convenient gossiping cultivators, Wei Wuxian discovers that the 16 year old arrogant kid from the Jin clan who his brother from the Jiang clan has custody of is actually and quite obviously Jin Rulan.

Well fuck I guess now I care about something, that’s inconvenient. 

Needing to help parent the child of the sister who parented him is what draws Wei Wuxian fully into his new life. 

As soon as he has this realization, Apple comes back from roaming around, and never gives him any trouble after this for the rest of the story. Which...probably doesn’t mean anything. 

Wen Gravesite

Does Wen Ning hang out here because it’s where he and his (dead) people came from? Oh great, now I am sad. 

Judging by all the leaves on this grave thingy I’m going to say that this grave tender dude is, ah, not very good at his job. 

Get him, Jingyi!

I feel like maybe we all focus too much on how Lan Jingyi is so hilarious and sardonic and not enough on how he is a such a biscuit. 

Soul Grass

As mentioned in the previous post, Chinese spiritual concepts don’t always translate well into English. Soul grass? Sure, why not. 

This is where Wei Wuxian’s Sherlock Holmes brain starts to work, although he still doesn’t remember really basic stuff about Dafan Mountain. Dying and changing bodies is rough on the old neurochemistry. This creates more opportunities for flashbacks, however, and if there’s one thing The Untamed deffo needs more of, it’s kissing flashbacks.

Temple Statue

Presumably grave-tender dude is also in charge of clearing away spiderwebs at the temple, because it’s not getting done. 

Jin Ling walks into the temple blaspheming at full volume. 

Since this isn’t a Greek story, he isn’t immediately struck blind for this. Then when he wishes for the statue to come alive, it obligingly does.  Everything’s coming up Rulan!

Wei Wuxian shows up to rescue all the kids by throwing talismans at the monster which does not tip anyone off to who he is. 

Baby Cultivator Babysitting

Lan Wangji chills out in the cultivators’ pavilion with Jiang Cheng and their mutual hate boners.

Meanwhile, Wei Wuxian forgets all about his nephew and turns into cool professor guy, explaining the basics of soul-eating to the baby cultivators and gleefully encouraging their fear of Hanguang-Jun’s punishments. 

Because the Lan babies are good filial children they are super respectful and engaged with this random adult who is lecturing them. They also - like their own Hanguang-Jun at their age - see and admire Wei Wuxian’s intellect. It’s easy to forget how extremely smart Wei Wuxian is, because of how extremely dumb Wei Wuxian is.

Lan Jingyi suddenly figures out Wei Wuxian is not crazy. 

Bis. Kit. 

Then Rock Lady shows up and Jin Ling sticks 6 arrows into her while Lans Jingyi and Sizhui stand around not bothering to draw their swords.

I see a lot of comments about the bad effects in the statue sequences but I think Rock Lady is all right. The figure animation is decent and the lighting is no worse on her than on everything else in the scene. Her hair is nice, for a rock person.

Admittedly I just finished watching Guardian which has CGI monsters so bad they may have injured my retinas and possibly also my DNA, so the bar, for me, is pretty low. Rock lady clears it with room to spare.   

Note: Wei Wuxian’s flute playing does zippity towards controlling the statue. Not sure what his plan was here.

Wen Ning Kicks Ass

Now we get to meet Wen Ning, who appears to be a stone-cold badass. Later we will discover how hilariously inaccurate that assessment is. 

While all versions of Wen Ning are delightful, this version of Wen Ning is also...strangely attractive? He’s got a Patti-Smith-Horses-Era vibe here, instead of his more usual lost-baby-dork vibe. And his dreamy “I have nails in my head” expression is intriguing. 

I mean, he’s not a total snack like zombie Song Lan or pre-zombie Song Lan or blind Song Lan or post-zombie Song Lan, but this look is a good one for Wen Ning, is what I’m saying.

Reunions are Awkward, Part 2

Lan Wangji, who has 99% already recognized Wei Wuxian because of the haunted sword and the fierce jawline and beautiful neck and tiny tiny waist, is summoned by his flute playing as inexorably as the Ghost General was. 

Jiang Cheng also recognizes Wei Wuxian and goes into full beatdown mode, thwarted (silently) by Lan Wangji. Wei Wuxian attempts to preserve his incognito by sassing Jiang Cheng in as sibling-like a manner as possible. 

Hanguang-Jun’s Pro-Ghost Agenda Has Been Clear for Some Time

This Jiang/Lan fight is hilarious when you consider the implications.

Macroexpression vs. Microexpression

Mo Xuanyu brought Wei Wuxian back using sacrifice summons, a dark ritual invented by Wei Wuxian that he, most likely, did NOT show to Lan Wangji back in the day. So it’s a pretty safe bet that Lan Wangji doesn’t know that Wei Wuxian was gifted a body, rather than stealing one.

when your brother turns around, you must whip him you will never live it down unless you whip him

When Jiang Cheng lets loose with Zidian, it’s not just because he’s angry. He’s using purple power to force Wei Wuxian’s ghost out of the body he’s apparently possessed. And Lan Wangji instantly STOPS him from doing that.

Clan Leader Jiang: this person has been possessed, against their will, by an evil ghost

Future Chief Cultivator Lan: Counterpoint: I am banging the ghost

Flashback Time

Welcome to your 30-episode flashback!

Once I used to join in Every boy and girl was my friend Now there's revolution, but they don't know What they're fighting

Let us close our eyes Outside their lives go on much faster Oh, we won't give in We'll keep living in the past

Road Tripping to Summer School

Gosh I’m looking forward to younger, kinder, more relatable Jiang Cheng.

...prick. 

Incidentally, until now this episode didn’t know that Jiang Cheng has smile muscles, and neither did the person who glued his wig on for him.

I Like Rabbits

Here we have our first rabbit in a large collection of rabbit iconography that appears in The Untamed. 

Instead of sending everyone to the Wikipedia page for Tu'er Shen I’m going to take this opportunity to rec the short film Kiss of the Rabbit God by Andrew Thomas Huang (tw: blood, tw:body-mod cutting) which you can read about and watch over at  Nowness.com 

Particularly if you are a queer person of Chinese heritage, check it out. 

So. What the fuck are these? Are they food? 

Are they made from wax? Or corn starch? or pig intestines? 

Wei Wuxian runs off to get laid drunk and Jiang Cheng grumps about it. Jiang Yanli reminds him that being free is a Jiang Clan Rule, so really Wei Wuxian is following the rules by not following the rules. Does that mean he’s not free? My head hurts. 

Jiang Cheng: yes but grump grump grump

Jiang Yanli: Nothing bad will ever happen because of A-Xian’s choices, trust me

Outro

Wei Wuxian faint tally: one  Caught by: the cold hard ground

Soundtrack: 1. Donkey Riding by Great Big Sea 2. Living in the Past by Jethro Tull 3. Whip It by Devo

Fic prompt:  Lan Wangji’s internal monologue while he sits in the pavilion with Jiang Cheng 

If you write a fic from this prompt and want to share, please post a link in comments!

Bonus: Wang Zuocheng, macro-expression king

Episode 03 Restless Rewatch coming soon!

[bkfics]

III.

‘Thank you.. Sakusa-san.’ You reply while looking on the floor.

‘Hmm, no problem. Also, i’m really sorry for before.. are you okay?’ He asks while scratching the back of his head.

‘Y-You don’t need to apologize for that. It was my fault for getting distracted.’ You say still facing the floor.

‘No. I’m really sorry for that. Actually i want to—‘ He stops what he’s going to say ‘cuz you both make eye contact.

‘.. Nevermind. I gotta go. Also, your kids are beautiful, see you around.’ He says to Kise and you while turning and going on his way.

‘How about no?’ Kise thinks while picking up Kazuhiko.

‘...’ You’re confused. You want to know what he wanted to say.

While Sakusa leaves you and your family, he feels a little bit sad. He really wanted to catch up with you, tell you about those 4 years. He wanted his friend back again, the person he could lean on when times were rough, he wanted to make new memories with you.. but he can’t, now that you you have settled down and have a wonderful family. Before meeting you, he thought that he could find love again, but every time he tried to date someone, he always wants to find you in them. He went to the conclusion that you are the only girl for him, you have something that the others don’t have. Now that he saw you after a long time, regrets is raining on him for breaking up and hurting you.

He’s getting jealous and envious of Kise. His head is filling with questions like ‘What if i was in his shoes? What if i had kids with her rather than him? How would i feel about having the love of my life beside me? Would i be happy?...’

Now that he made those questions in his head, he’s pissed. He entered the locker room with an angry face and he answered the questions in his head, he was screaming those answers. ‘It’s obvious that i’d be happy!!! If I have kids with you, i’d do everything i could just to make them happy! I should’ve been the one beside you, not him! I want you to be the first person i see in the morning and the last at night before i go to sleep.’

‘If I only didn’t do that..’ he whispers

He throws his towel against the wall and yells ‘F*CK!!!’

His captain, Meian, hears him and comes in to check up on him.

‘Sakusa what’s wrong? You okay?’ He asks.

‘No, i’m not okay. I SHOULD’VE BEEN THE ONE BESIDE HER, NOT THAT F*CKING MAN!’ He answers angrily.

‘Who are you talki—‘

‘You know what? Whatever. I’m sorry Meian-san, i’m going first. I’m not in the mood to party anymore, congratulations to everyone for the win today.’ Sakusa tells his captain with an annoyed tone.

Meian-san left him be, because he knows that Sakusa is going through something. He knows that it’s better to leave him alone and give him some space. He left the locker room and let the others still in the court know that Sakusa left early.

‘Hello, I’m Kisara!’

‘And I’m Kazuhiko.’

‘Hello everyone, my name is Kise Ryota. Nice to meet you all! I’m an NBA player.’

The three present themselves to the ADLERS players.

‘I’m sorry for not telling you about my family. You guys were busy and i didn’t want you to lose your focus or get distracted while you were practicing. You actually never brought it up or asked about my private life, so i apologize for not telling you..’ You tell them with a little bow.

‘It’s okay, Y/N-chan. Thank you for telling us now.’ Heiwajima replies with a smile. Reassuring you that it’s alright.

‘I can’t believe that a goddess like Y/N-chan is already married with kids.’ Adds Hoshiumi while pouting.

You smile and tell the kids to go play, so that they couldn’t hear what you’re about to say, but Kise says it first.

‘Ahm, actually i’m not the real father of the twins.. that bast-‘

You glare at him.

‘*cough* i mean, he left her. So i’ve been acting as a father figure for the kids since they started to call me ‘otōsan’ a long time ago.’

‘Who would be so stupid to leave a girl like you while being pregnant?!’ Kageyama butts in with an annoyed tone.

‘It’s fine Kageyama-kun. I’ve already left it in the past, i’m happy now with the twins. Also, Ryota-kun helped me a lo—‘ before you finish your sentence, you suddenly feel dizzy and your head starts to hurt that you slowly start to lose balance. Fortunately, Kise catches you putting an arm around you and pulls you closer to him, now your face is leaning on his chest. You can hear his heartbeat a little and smell his perfume that it’s not too strong and relaxes you. 

‘Y/N-cchi, are you okay? You shouldn’t overwork your body like this. We’ll get straight to the doctor, alright? So, if you can walk just nod, if you can’t imma pick you up.’ 

You nod so he doesn’t picks you up, but he still supports you just in case.

‘Okāsan?’ Kisara calls you after seeing you almost fall. 

‘Kisa-chan, okāsan feels a little bit weak, but she’s fine, okay? Call your oniichan so we can take okāsan to a magician that will make her strong again.’ Kise tell her without worrying her. 

‘OTŌSAAAAAAAN! I WANT TO SEE A MAGICIAN!’ Kazuhiko screams while running towards you after hearing about the magician. 

‘ME TOO, ME TOO OTŌSAN. I WANT TO SEE!’ Kisara screams too, matching her twin’s energy.

‘Alright, alright. But you need to behave because okāsan is feeling tired, so no loud noises, okay? Grab a piece of my shirt and don’t let go until we arrive at the car, got it?’ 

‘Got it!’ The twins reply in sync. 

‘Sorry guys, but we better let her get check up by the doctor, i know you still have the post-game meeting-‘ Kise gets interrupted by the captain before he finishes his sentence.

‘It’s alright, Kise-san. We’re actually worried so you should hurry before it aggravates. Thank you for your hardwork, Y/N-san.’ The captain tells you and Kise.

‘I really didn’t do much, so thank you for your hard work.’ You say to all the players.

‘Take care of yourself and let’s do our best next time, alright?’ He says wearing a smile.

You all say bye to them and go.

‘Ryota. How are you gonna deal with the mess you did?’ You ask Kise while walking towards the exit.

‘What mess?’ 

‘The mess called Hyped Twins. How-‘ You trip and Kise manages to catch you again, but this time, he hugs you.

‘Don’t worry. I have a solution called Midorima.’ He whispers in your ear.

Midorima, huh? You’re forgetting that he’s still hugging you, because you feel comfortable around him.

Kise feels that you’re getting comfortable so he picks you up and walks to the car with you on his arms and the twins grabbing his shirt.

[Outside the doctor’s office, 01:20 p.m.]  

‘I didn’t agree to this.’ 

Midorima-kun is studying medicine and how to treat patients under the doctor of the neighborhood, also he has a hat on that ‘wizards’ would wear in movies or tv series. Kise put him on a difficult situation, he needs to entertain the twins, while Kise and you are going inside the office.

‘When did you have time to buy that hat?’ You ask Kise as he keeps laughing.

‘Well, it’s today’s lucky item.’ He answers as he’s filming a video with his phone to send it to his group chat, “Miracles”.

Before Midorima takes the twins to the other room, he comes to you and asks ‘Can i borrow one of thoso 3 three hairpins? Tomorrow’s lucky item is a hairpin.’

‘Sure.’ You take off the hairpin and give it to him, ‘here you go, also thanks for your help.’

‘No problem. At all.’ He says with a straight face.

‘L/N F/N.’

‘Y/N-cchi, it’s your turn, let’s go. Ah, Midorima-cchi, why don’t you show them the bunny inside your hat?’

‘DID YOU HEAR THAT KISARA? OTŌSAN SAID THAT MIDORIMA OJĪSAN HAS A BUNNY INSIDE HIS HAT!!’ Says Kazuhiko to Kisara with his eyes sparkling.

‘I’m gonna make you pay for this Kise.’ Midorima says with his eyes glaring angrily at Kise.

You enter to the dr.’s office to do the check up, he hands you out some papers to fill in the necessary personal information.

‘Ok, L/N-san. It’s nothing serious but your had been hit hard by the ball and you also fell and hit your head on the floor. You had a minor concussion, but thanks to the paramedics, they helped you out. I’ll ask you some questions to make sure there are no brain injuries that could affect you in the future.’

You just nod trying to recall what happened all day..

‘So, what did you do from this morning?’ He asks

‘I was preparing my and my kids breakfast, then went to my friend’s house to drop them. Then i went to the arena to meet the players and also the kids’ fath—‘

Right.. you met Sakusa there and you start to remember all those questions you made when both your eyes met. You almost have a panic attack, but Kise notices your shoulder shaking so he puts his hand on your back to make you feel safe. But.. he calmed your body, not your thoughts.

< Kise and the Dr. keep calling you, but you’re just lost in your thoughts, so he tells him that you’re probably too tired and the hit from the ball added some fatigue so he gave him some medicines for bruise and sleep pills, also, if there’s something wrong, Kise should call him.>

‘..cchi.’ Kise keeps calling you.

‘Huh?’

‘Let’s go grab something to eat, the kids are hungry, me and probably you too, so you can drink the medicine.’

‘Right..’

You go to a family restaurant where the food is delicious and all the kids love eating there, it’s also cheap. After that you go home.

[At home, 3:50 p.m.]

You all arrive at home, also most of the times Kise stays at your place since he rarely comes back to Japan, so he didn’t bother to buy a house or rent an apartment. Kise starts playing with the kids before their afternoon nap, you go to your bedroom and try to take a rest, but you can’t because you keep remembering what happened in the arena.

After 2-3 hours you finally nap. Then you wake up with a headache, you stand up and it’s already night time, around dinner. You go to the kitchen to have a glass of water, you see the kids sitting waiting for their dinner and Kise with his apron cooking.

‘Okāsan, how are you?’ Kisara asks after seeing you before anyone else.

‘I’m okay, honey. But i have a little headache.’

‘Do you need to go to the magician again?’ Asks Kazuhiko while hugging your leg and his eyes are shining.

‘No, baby. I just need to take some medicine.’ You answer him with a smile.

Kise smiles after hearing you all three talking, you go near him to take the medicine on the shelf and when you’re about to drink it, Kise stops you.

‘Hey, before you drink that, eat something first. I made you something light and some soup.’

‘Okay, i’ll try to eat it.’ You say and giggle teasing his cooking.

After dinner, you tell Kise that you should at least do the dishes.

‘Y/N-cchi, just take a rest on the couch. I’ll take the kids to have a bath too, so just relax for the rest of the night, alright?’ He insists.

‘But you just came back today, you haven’t rest.’

‘It’s okay, I have a lot of stamin, so i’m not tired at all, i’ll rest after i’m all done and put the kids to sleep.’ He says while smiling.

‘All right, you win.’ You go to the couch and lay down to rest, you fall asleep while Kise takes the kids to the bathroom and have a bath. They’re pretty tired with all the activities they did all day. After he puts them to sleep in their bedroom, he goes and has a shower, after he’s done he notices that you’re still in the living room.

‘Y/N-cchi, i’m sorry, the kids took a whi-‘ he sees you peacefully sleeping, he caresses your face and smiles, then he continues ‘You must be really tired, thank you for your hard work, manager-san.’

As Kise picks you up to take you to your room, you can’t help but hold him tight in your sleep. After entering your bedroom he lays you down on your bed, as he’s slowly pulling away, you grab his shirt.

‘Don’t leave.. Kiyoomi..’

Hearing his name, Kise freezes on his spot with his eyes widened and his heart shatters. Then he moves a hair strand away from your face, a tear falls on your cheek. After staring at your face for a while, he kisses your forehead and he sits on the floor and leans his back on the side of your bed.

He starts talking to you, even though you’re sleeping.

‘Kiyoomi? Even when you’re sleeping, you still think about him? Do you still have feeling for him? I know he’s your first love and the father of the twins.. i thought you moved on. So why? He wasn’t here during your pregnancy. He wasn’t here when you were on labour and gave birth to those two beautiful kids. He wasn’t here on your sleepless night. He wasn’t here when the kids started talking and walking. He wasn’t here on their first birthday or their first day of school. He wasn’t here to comfort the kids when they were crying or when you cried because it was tough for you. He wasn’t here taking care of you when you were tired. He wasn’t here to see all that and guess who was here besides you.. ME. He was always you first priority, but were you his? he put his career first, right?...’

Then he leans his head on the bed looking at the ceiling and tears start to run down his cheeks.

‘He hasn’t been here for the last 4 years, but now that he showed himself up to you, you still want him? Remember who was there for you? Me. I’m still here and will always be here. Right by your side. Also by the kids’ side. So why? Why can’t you see that I’m right here? Does this mean that whenever I was here to make you three feel loved and protected, to be a father to Kisara and Kazuhiko because the real father is a jerk who cherished his career more than you.. You were still thinking of him? So please..’

Kise’s eyes are now red and puffy, he never cried like that again after the spring tournament on his first year of high school when he lost to Aomine.

‘You know how.. whenever I comeback to Japan and tell you that ‘I’m back home’.. It’s not because Japan is my home country, but for me, my home is.. you three. That’s when i feel the most safe and at peace.’ After saying everything what he was holding inside, he glances at you one more time and mutters ‘I really want you to know that.. I..’ and he falls asleep with his hand holding yours.

masterpost | II. | IV.

FACTS: 

Midorima and Aomine are from Kuroko no Basket too

They played basketball with Kise in Junior High School

Midorima Shintaro:

Aomine Daiki: 

@rrroadkill @samwise-though @lola2001 @velociraptorenthusiast @mjade1321 @farmertoshi @kurosiee @googiembul @hohoshiumi @floralkawa @miwtze @crapimahuman

[azure-bliss]

shinran oneshot

Fandom: DC

Pairing: Shinran

Excerpt: 

“Shinichi,” she whispered, warm blue orbs losing focus as she looked at him, though her smile remained. She rose her hand to caress his cheek (she’s so, so cold). “You found us.”

Her chapped lips met his, and then, “Arigato.”

A/N: I swear that this was supposed to be fluffy but brain said nope, angst-infused it is. Also, I’m no expert in medicine nor the Japanese police system, even criminology for that matter. Spare me. Enjoy!

Day 9

“I should write a book.”

Shinichi’s first instinct was to snort, as he was reminded of Kogoro-ojisan’s—who he should really be calling otousan nowadays—intention of becoming a mystery novelist, much like his actual father. Kudo Yusaku had made millions writing his thrillers, and today, years after the older Kudo patriarch decided to publish his final novel, he was still adding money to the Kudo fortune.

Perhaps his mother playing the titular character in one of Night Baron’s spinoff adaptations, Lady Baron, played a huge factor too. His parents were weird that way, almost like a tag-team, because the moment Kudo Yusaku announced his writing retirement, Kudo Yukiko came out of hers.

It was as if they thought that the world could not handle more than three (he was pretty sure his popularity was on par with his parents, despite his lack of big screen appearances) famous Kudos at a time.

“Finally jumping on the full Kudo experience?” he teased, adjusting himself on the hospital bed where his wife sat, left arm wrapped around her whole frame, right palm covering hers.

Eyes focused on the little bundle in her arms, she hummed before answering, “A best-seller for sure.”

As if on cue, their newborn squirmed before revealing twin orbs that matched his mother’s, unfocused eyes looking up to the woman who went through hell and back prior to his birth.

“Anata,” she called, her tired voice laced with a hint of excitement. “He’s beautiful.”

 Day 1

He stood in an abandoned room of an equally abandoned motel located just 50 km on the outskirts of Tokyo, the very location that had him and nearly the whole Tokyo Metropolitan Police Taskforce wrecking their brains and exhausting their resources to find. The identified suspect was one Seisaku Miyazaki, a serial rapist and killer with a tendency for flairs. The 27 crime scenes he left always had distinct blood splatter to them, resulting from either gunshot wounds straight to the temple, or intraoral ones.

Shinichi had never seen a crime scene so gruesome in his life.

As soon as Shinichi stepped into the room, the first thing he should have registered was the blood-spattered left wall and Seisaku’s limp and lifeless body on a chair in the same left corner, his riffle trapped in between his legs.

Instead, Shinichi’s frantic eyes zeroed on the figure on the bed in the middle of the room, merely 10 feet away from Seisaku’s body. The woman had her back against the headboard with an ungodly amount of blood running down her bottom half, arms cocooning a small bundle wrapped with a violet-colored cardigan—the same one she was last saw wearing before her disappearance.

She had her eyes on her baby, as if the newborn was the only person who mattered, seemingly unbothered by the chaos unfolding before her. It took the lead detective a full five seconds to notice that the newborn—oh God, their newborn—was not crying.

He was beside her in her flash, holding her tighter than he should. His wife was again, unbothered, but he noticed that she closed their baby more to her semi-naked chest. The cuts and bruises on her face and torso did not go unnoticed by him. All of Seisaku’s victims had the same markings, but unlike those women who bled from their heads, she was bleeding from bottom down.

Kudo Shinichi screamed for the medic.

It was only then did he hear a soft cry, and he released a breath he did not know he was holding.

“Anata,” she called, finally removing her gaze from their son to look at him “He’s beautiful.”

Her face was pale and hollow, but there was no mistaking the warmth in her eyes and the gentleness of her smile.

His heart both bloomed and broke for her.

“Ran,” he choked out the name he’d been desperately calling for the past few hours. “You’re going to be okay.”

When the medic team finally appeared, his wife first handed the closest medic the baby, “Take care of him, onegai,” she requested, sounding too much like a plea. “He’s a good boy.”

Releasing her son’s warmth, the brunette fell back onto her husband, who caught her naked shoulders, throwing her full weight onto his.

“Shinichi,” she whispered, warm blue orbs losing focus as she looked at him, though her smile remained. She rose her hand to caress his cheek (she’s so, so cold). “You found us.”

Her chapped lips meet his, and then, “Arigato.”

With a sigh of relief, she shut her eyes, and rolled limp further into her husband’s embrace.

Shinichi’s world stood still, the only things registering in his mind were his wife’s cold body, and their newborn’s loud cries in the distant.

 Day 8

She was in pure fight mode, forcing her body to function and conscious to stay awake. Once she knew that her child was safe, all the injuries and agony finally caught up to her, and she welcomed the numbing darkness.

The last thing Ran remembered was Shinichi’s rapid heartbeat drumming her ears.

The new mother woke up a week later, on an unfamiliar bed, to the familiar but tormented eyes of her husband.

“Baby,” she mustered breathily, and her husband’s eyes all but softened.

She knew that they were safe.

   Day 10

It was another two whole days before she was deemed fit enough to hold her newborn.

“Anata,” she beams, “He’s beautiful.”

“He is,” the Heisei-Reiwa Holmes agreed. “The brat gave the doctors and nurses a fright with his fever, would not stop crying too.”

If his wife was worried, she did not show it. “Is that true?” she cooed, “But you’re okay now, aren’t you sweetheart? Your Papa found us after all.”

Day 0

Kudo Ran did not fit Seisaku Miyazaki’s victim profiles by the slightest. The females he preyed on were usually late teens to early twenties, lived alone, physically petite, and had questionable practices in their private lives.

Or, in the words of Seisaku himself, whores.

Catching the serial killer had been the detective’s top priority, with the death count at 27 and the most recent killings at the heart of Tokyo, it was one of the most challenging cases for him to date.

With half of the murders in Tokyo and the other half in Osaka, it was a no brainer for both Detective of the East and West to join hands, special taskforces from Tokyo and Osaka rallying under their (unofficial) command. The investigation had been ongoing for more than four months before special unit finally made a definite progress, being able to identify a potential victim, shadowing her day and night, coming in to save her just in time from being abducted, and arresting Seisaku’s paid minion.

Genzo Okubo was no Seisaku, the two detectives figured. The latter was confident, methodical, a true psychopathic mastermind, yet the man they caught fumbled with his words, sweated profusely, and most importantly, had little loyalty as he quickly confessed to everything.

The unit rejoiced, but Shinichi and Heiji knew that it was too simple, as if Seisaku wanted Gento to be caught.

By the time they were finished with the guy, it was already 2 a.m.

The lack of miscalls from him wife caught him off guard.

He tried not to panic, reasoning to himself that Ran was probably at her parents’, fell asleep, and his in-laws forgot to inform him. After all, it would not be the first time this had happened. If anything, the Mouris had not stopped fussing over their daughter, and with this case constantly on his mind, Shinichi had not really been the doting husband and father-to-be that he ought to be. Their six-year-old twins were away with his parents somewhere in New York, the elder Kudo couple wanting to give the once-again new parents space to get ready for the youngest Kudo’s arrival.

Halfway through dialing Eri’s number (because his mother-in-law was a light sleeper), Heiji burst into the break room with a suspicious package in his hands.

“Kudo,” the dark-skinned detective panted, as if he just ran up flights of stairs instead of taking the elevator, “that bastard’s got Nee-chan.”

Inside the package were two things: a picture of a very pregnant Kudo Ran, blindfolded and gagged, and a lone platinum wedding band.

  Day 10

“He panicked.”

“Hmm?”

“Seisaku-san, he panicked.” His wife stated, the name of her kidnapper rolling of her tongue like she was mentioning a student of hers. “I started having contractions, started bleeding too. He mumbled something about ‘not following his plan’.”

Shinichi rose his brows, puzzled by Ran’s statement, but he let her continue.

“I think,” she paused, readjusting her hold on their son when they boy started to writhe, “that he was halfway out when Seisaku-san decided to shoot himself.”

Her voice was cool, too indifferent, and deep down, Shinichi knew that his wife may be scarred for life.

“Three sounds,” she gulped then snickered. “Me screaming during the final push, the baby’s cries, and the riffle going off.”

Shinichi held her tighter.

“His blood was everywhere, Shinichi. On the walls, the carpet, the bed, my face,” There are now cracks in her voice, the memories flooding her overwhelmed mind as she remembers it all again, “On our baby boy.”

“Ran…” He trailed off, not knowing what to say. His wife and son were alive, but the trauma she went through was something he wished on no one, not even Seisaku himself.

“I didn’t want him to get cold, so I wrapped him with my cardigan. Not the most hygienic, I know, but I didn’t exactly have many choices,” a chuckle. “He locked the door, so I couldn’t escape, and I couldn’t exactly kick the door open, my energy was spent on giving birth. So, I started breastfeeding the baby, burping him…making sure he was alive long enough for you to find us.”

Something in him shattered even more.

Ran averted her eyes away from their son to look at her husband, their faces only a few centimeters apart.  There were no tears in their eyes, the pain and regret that remained in their hearts too crushing to be expressed by mere crying. “I’m safe, our boy is safe, because you found us. None of this is your fault, so please, Anata,” she kisses him before continuing, “don’t blame yourself.”

Shinichi could not imagine what life would be without her. She was his wife, partner, lover, best friend, soulmate, the mother of his children, his world, his everything.

“Okay,” he promised simply, capturing her lips for a second time before kissing her forehead. “I love you.”

He felt her smiling into his neck, and at that moment, nothing was wrong; they were whole.

They stayed like that for a few more moments, savoring the peaceful yet short time they had with their baby boy before one of the nurses took him away for the night.

    Day 11

 “Your book,” Shinichi remembered far into the night. “What are you going to write about?”

A mischievous look twinkled in Ran’s eyes, and the man knows that his wife will heal just fine. “Kidnapped 101.”

- end

A/N: Nope, not their firstborn. And I also imagine that Ran has had her fair share of getting kidnapped so might as well write a book on it lmao. 

[starryeyedrogue]

mental health & vent

again, a long one. please stick with me here.

tw: depression, anxiety, ptsd, epilepsy diagnosis, suicidal thoughts mention

hey everyone, like I said in my last post, I won’t be as active on here. this doesn’t mean I’m quitting by any means, I’m here for the long haul! I just need a break for a little bit. 

side note: I am not in any way suicidal or practicing self harm. this is just to vent and act as a PSA for my mutuals/followers.

now onto my main message. 

I’ve seen lots of posts about mental health lately, and I’m so incredibly proud of those who have spoken up. They’ve inspired me to make my own post, actually. normally I’d keep it to myself, but this time has been rough and I want to get it off my chest. I’ll probably delete this later, but still. 

I’ve been depressed. 

long story short, I had a very traumatic experience a couple years ago with an ex boyfriend (not going into it on this post, for details just dm me. not something I’d want to post publicly, this is just an explanation) and I was deeply depressed. I was never diagnosed “officially” because I was afraid to speak up, as this would expose what I was going through. I had really bad anxiety at that time too, and I still do. I also have PTSD flashbacks from it now and again. none of this was diagnosed, and I still don’t want to bring it up to my doctors/family. my irl friends don’t even know, at least not most of it. 

I have monoclonic epilepsy, which means my seizures are fairly small. my arms, legs, feet, hands, and fingers twitch, and I lose control for a few seconds. it doesn’t hurt, and sometimes I don’t even notice or remember it happening, but my family does. epilepsy in general runs in my family, and it can be triggered by a great deal of stress, lack of sleep, and of course flashing lights. in my case, I never “had” epilepsy or seizures until the “experience” I mentioned before, as it caused massive amounts of stress for about 2 years straight. it’s gotten better, as I now have medicine and am out of that situation, and I haven’t had a seizure since September, which is amazing and a huge blessing.

writing has helped with my depression and anxiety a lot, as I can write out what effects me the most. honestly, some of the characters are based off of myself (before vs after) and the person from the “experience.” this is just for therapeutic reasons, as I don’t really want to go to real therapy (I’d be too embarrassed to ask for it or talk to someone anyway, though I probably need to go eventually and plan to when I’m on my own). 

however, when I stopped posting it, I started feeling bad again. I didn’t think I needed to post my stories to feel better or to make a childhood dream into reality, but not posting it made me feel somehow worse. I’ve stopped writing as much, and I’ve lost motivation to do just about anything. I’m working on a couple things to help myself get out of this “funk,” but any tips would be greatly appreciated! 

this may seems stupid, but I’ve been depressed and very anxious about my schooling. I started in cyber security and got about halfway through, but I became depressed and had other issues so I didn’t finish the degree. now I’m starting in psychology, after praying for months and months for help with figuring out what to do for school. I finally got an answer, and that answer was to be a Christian counselor! I want to help as many people as I can, especially since I know how it feels to be anxious, depressed, and have PTSD. 

I’m dealing with a lot of changes right now, as I’m selling my first car, might have to move out of my first house/childhood home, and just a bunch of other stuff. this sounds trivial, but I hate change. it seriously stresses me out. my neurologist told me that if I have any more seizures, I won’t be able to drive for 6 months to a year to be safe (as I could have an “episode” as I call it while driving and hurt myself/others in a potential car accident). trust me, trying not to be stressed while being stressed, anxious, and depressed is not easy. 

on top of all that, my irl friends have all but abandoned me. I never hear from them (all but one, she’s the best!), and when I do they ignore me or pretend to listen when they obviously aren’t. I try to make plans with them, but they ignore me or just say “definitely!” but never try to set up times to hang out. It’s been almost two years since I’ve seen them all together. I was able to hang out with the friend I mentioned earlier to go to another friend’s recital, but that was it, and that was months ago. I totally get being busy, but I miss them and I don’t think they miss me, which really hurts. one friend ditched us on graduation day and we haven’t talked to her outside of “happy birthday,” or “@___ look at this thing I know you like,” which she never responded to. graduation was 4 years ago. I miss them all, even if they aren’t really my friends. I miss familiarity and their chaotic personalities. I’ve known them my entire life. honestly, I haven’t made any other friends irl, even though I’ve tried (I’m very introverted and a lot of people don’t get my humor/personality. I’m very much a mischievous old lady that uses weird wording (li.e. using uncommon words for my generation mixed with modern stuff, basically I sound like a vampire that’s been around since the 50s and mixes the eras together in some unholy mixture) at heart and I have very niche interests that I cling to like they’re my last hope). basically, making friends and meeting new people is hard for me for various reasons.

tumblr is different though, which I’m seriously grateful for! the people I’ve talked to are all so nice and really fun to talk to, and they’re part of why I’m posting this. @elvish-sky gave me the courage to post this and @hey-its-nonny and @padawansofthejediorder have been amazing and super nice to me, and I couldn’t be more grateful. the reason I’m posting this is to let them know what’s going on if I don’t respond to messages for a while, and to let them know what wonderful people they are and how much it means to me that they care about me, even if we’re just tumblr mutuals. I love you guys, thanks for being here! it means more than you know.

my mom and dad both had health scares recently, which made me spiral even more. I honestly don’t know what I would do if one of them died. they’re literally my world and my best friends, as ridiculous as that sounds. my mental health was so low I honestly thought I’d die too. they’re both fine now, which is truly a blessing and a massive relief. when I say I thought I’d die too, I don’t mean I wanted to commit suicide, but I honestly can’t imagine a world without my parents, especially my mom (hers was the main health scare, it was a case of reaction to a new medication for her migraines). we’re insanely close and she’s my best friend, as cheesy as that sounds. I don’t know what I would do without her. it’s making me teary just thinking about it. 

long story short, please be patient with me. I’m dealing with a lot right now, and I need some time to take a deep breath and focus on my mental health. if you have any suggestions/tips for dealing with depression, anxiety, and PTSD flashbacks, please let me know! 

for those I’ve tagged, you don’t have to reply or even read this whole thing if you want, I tagged you because I thought you’d like to know about this and/or I wanted to show my appreciation for your kindness!

I love you all, thanks for sticking around and listening to my rants. <3

[ssatoritendou]

Blueberry Eyes

Pairing: kageyama/reader

Kageyama Tobio 

Word count: 4.2k

+ summary: You and your soulmate are connected by listening to music. 

Genre: fluff; soulmates 

To say he found it annoying was an understatement. How can someone listen to the same song over and over again? Stupid soulmate. That’s what Kageyama thought. He didn’t have time for a soulmate. He has one focus and his one love Volleyball. But he could say this about his soulmate. She listened to the playlist in exact order every day at the same time. It kept him on a time schedule surprisingly. Sometimes she went a little off base in the afternoon, sometimes listening to classical piano pieces and sometimes white noise.

Right now he was practicing sets against the wall at lunch waiting for Hinata to come over to yell at him excitedly to set to him. Which he would end up ultimately doing. When all of a sudden strong guitar rift came into his head causing him to set the ball higher than expected leading it to hit him in the face. “Kageyama what happened? You messed up. You never messed up.” “Idiot. Stupid idiot, she is not on a schedule. And this song isn’t even on her playlist.” “Maybe it’s a song she listens to when she is upset,” Hinata suggested. Kageyama didn’t like the feeling that his soulmate could be upset. But what could he do, he didn’t know you. “I don’t care if she is upset! It’s really annoying that she is listening to songs not on schedule and not the regular ones. It throws me off my game. And you don’t want me off my game if you want perfect sets Hinata.” “I think you need to be more appreciative of your soulmate bond. It’s amazing that you are able to hear the music she listens to. It gives you an insight into her personality. I just have my soulmates' first words to me and all I know is that I’ll know who it is when I meet them. I guess for you it could be anyone with headphones on. And why are you assuming the gender of your soulmate for all you know it could be Tsukishima with all the times he is wearing headphones.” Hinata said with an evil smile on his face. “Baka it’s not Tsukishima he doesn’t listen to music on a schedule and he doesn’t listen to this type of music that is for sure.”

“HEY! HEY! HEY!” You heard come from your owl-headed captain while he was reading a volleyball magazine. “Keiji does he always have to yell like that inside?” You asked your older brother. He exhaled and shook his head, “Settle down Bokuto, we are inside.” Bokuto frowned and his hair frowning with his face. “Akaashi, ____ you won’t believe it I’m one of the topped 5 ranked Aces in the nation. See!” He pointed to the magazine with a great picture of him spiking. “Weren’t you in the top 3 the last time we went to nationals?” “Akaashi!” He bit back your brother. “You are in the top 5 that’s all that matters.” You said with a smile. “It’s a positive thing. Universities with strong volleyball programs will see this and definitely want you on their team. As long as you eat healthily and improve your technique.” “Thanks, little Akashi.” You hated that nickname he had given you “Bokuto don’t call me that. Shouldn’t you be studying if you want to go to the training camp next month?” “Don’t you guys want to help me?” He said, turning to you and Keiji. “I’m a first-year Bokuto. I have no clue what you are learning about.” “I have my own finals to worry about so that I can play as well. ___ here is just a manager in training. She doesn’t even have to go. I'm sure she would rather stay home anyway.” “Not true. I would like to know everything about the teams playing style considering we will be playing against them in the future.” “There you go _____. You know Kuroo told me about this amazing combo team from the Miyagi Prefecture. Fast spikes. But I’m sure he is over exaggerating. They were invited to the training camp.” You were able to get Bokuto to calm down. Maybe that was your gift as an Akaashi, being able to calm down the Owl-Headed captain, just like your brother. You were able to get him to talk about volleyball with Akaashi while you put in your headphones. You were listening to some Beethoven pieces to keep you focused. You put your phone to your side and started working on some of your math work. Sometimes your mind wandered to soulmate connections. Most girls your age would tell and squeal about their connection. But you had no clue what your connection was. It bothered you a little bit. Akaashi was lucky he had a tattoo of a timer of when he was going to meet his soulmate. He wouldn’t tell you the exact timing of the timer. You never had any strange markings or any sort of sign. It worried you. Were you destined to be alone? But dwelling on things that shouldn’t make you worried won’t do you any good. You had a plan for your life and the universe will work things out for you. As you are working on the homework your music was changed to a rock song. You yanked the headphones out and Konoha was laughing. “Don’t do that you jerk.” You pushed him.

Kageyama was going for his morning run. He put his headphones in not like he needed the music he had his soulmate's morning playlist playing. “Tobio dear I made eggs and toast. Where are you going?” “Out for a run Mom, I’ll be back in 20 minutes.” He said after finishing tying his shoelace. He began running around his neighborhood. He noticed the music was barely playing a faint, low noise of the start of techno piano, he thinks it is Korean pop. But he could barely hear it; he heard the pumping of his heart louder. He decided to take a stretching break and put on his own music. His sister made him a playlist to keep him pumped while running. He was a little ashamed of admitting it but he enjoyed Ariana Grande. He put on her new song and continued his run.

Yes, the finals were finally over but in the midst of immense studying, you had gotten sick. A chest cold you would have gone to school but your mother insisted that you stay home for the day. You put on your music at a low volume. You had NCT U’s light bulb playing in your ear as you were falling back to sleep in the early morning as Keiji the adjoining bathroom was brushing his teeth. The cough syrup finally kicks in and making you feel sleepy. That's when you swear that your song had changed to Ariana Grande’s Positions. When you look down and your screen still said NCT—Light Bulb with the volume not even passing the rewind icon. “Keiji!” He emerged from the bathroom toothbrush in his mouth shrugging at your loudness so early. “I can’t hear the song that is playing in my headphones instead it’s playing Ariana Grande. Can you hear it?” You handed him the headphone. He spat the toothpaste in the sink and came to sit on your bed placing the headphone in his ear. Instead of hearing the very powerful female vocalist, he heard the rap section of the song you were listening to. “I do not hear Ariana Grande, I just hear the Korean Rap.” You flopped your head down on the pillow. “Is this cold medicine making me go crazy?” Keiji laughed at your dramatics. “You know some soulmate connections are connected to what you listen to.” He smirked leaving your room. “Well, I’m off to school text me if you need anything.” Your eyes were wide open with shock. You listen to music all the time. All the time. Based on times of day, feelings and emotions, and tasks. This is the first time you heard your soulmate's music or whatever they were listening to. Or maybe your music was always too low for you to hear what they were listening to. But if that’s true based on this experience that means the volume was too loud for them to hear their own music. You had forced your music preferences onto someone else which is a horrible thing to do. You must be so annoying to this person. Listening to music all the damn time. And they have to listen to it. You quickly pulled the covers over your head hoping to fall apart.

The rest of the morning the person whoever they are were playing pumped-up songs. You assumed they were happy about something or possibly working out. After Akaashi requested your help with songs for his workout routine you were well versed in the subject. They played them until about 8:50 which is when a majority of when classes start in high school. That was a plus you knew this person was in high school.

Kageyama has had 2 off days now in the past 2 months. The one where his soulmate changed the song they were listening to and messed with his practicing of setting to himself. 2 today when his soulmate didn’t listen to any music at all. Today was the day he got back his final grades. He did overall well except for one that didn’t even graze the passing mark. How the hell was he going to get to Tokyo now? He wanted to play Nekoma. He wanted to face that setter that got along with Hinata again. He wanted to play those other Tokyo teams. Some have been to nationals and he wants to beat them and let them know that he is better than them. When it came to practice time and they were in the club room, Hinata had failed one test too. He and the orange were seething that they were not able to go. “Hey, you two only failed one test right? So just take the supplementary lessons in the morning and don’t worry I got you a ride to Tokyo. You’ll be there in no time.” Tanaka said with an evil smile.

Summer has finally approached. With that comes a lot of training for the volleyball team. But these camps were more than just training. It was about building relationships with teams and other players in the same positions as you to pass on techniques. But once it’s game time no one can really beat Bokuto’s spikes. With his strong arms, pure agility, and positive attitude while playing it's hard to keep up with him. Expect when he is shut out then and only then can Akaashi really know what to do to make him feel better. But Bokuto is also not your team's strongest link; everyone else is very strong as well.

You were filling water bottles up when Kuroo tapped your shoulder. “____ this is the Manager and Junior Manager of the Karasuno team from Miyagi.” “Oh, you mean the wonder-team. The ones with the crazy spike attacks. Bokuto was talking about this for months. Pretty sure Keiji was going to strangle him if he wouldn’t shut up.” You said with a laugh. The oldest bowed, she was quite beautiful. “Hi my name is Kiyoko and this is Yachi.” The smaller one blonde bowed as well and said a quick hello. You bowed back and said, “It is nice to meet you. I’m ___ as Kuroo said. And I’m a manager at Fukurodani. I’ll show you around and where you and where your team will be sleeping.” You were given the job of showing the new managers where they would be because you drew the shortest straw of the managers. It didn’t bother you as much. “Since we are in a school we are staying in classrooms that’s why the form said sleeping bags are required. So the girl managers are sleeping in room 119. And based on the map I was given Karasuno will be staying on the opposite side of the building in 160. And the coaches are staying right in between 140-142. Why don’t you two set up your spots here? And then I’ll help you with the other bags if you need them for your other rooms.” You said looking up from your paper. “Thank you again. But don’t worry about the bags the boys will bring in their own. Yachi do you mind putting my bag in there while I tell the coach about the sleeping arrangements.” “U-uh yes, Kiyoko,” Yachi said nervously. The tall older dark-haired female left the room. “Are you a first-year by chance? There aren’t a lot of first-years well none, managers and I would very much like to have a friend.” You said to the blonde female. “Yes I am. Yachi Hitoka.” “Akaashi, _________. Pleased to meet you and I hope we can become good friends.”

Yachi and You spent time together when you weren’t with your teams. You found her company enjoyable. She talked about Hinata an orange-haired short but fast spiker and his partner a setter Kageyama who is obsessed with volleyball. She then told you they weren’t the brightest pair and they had to take supplementary lessons but would be arriving shortly. Within an hour the 2 burst through the door panting from running. As soon as the next set for Karasuno’s match started you watched to see what Yachi was talking about. And she was right the little orange one moved so fast and the blueberry setter, set to his exact speed. That was a true pairing.

As soon as the camp started it ended in 2 days. And you were thankful. You enjoyed the rushed yes, but since you were the runt of your Fukurodani manager team and were the servant to everyone. Keiji saw that it was taking a toll on you. You just finished cleaning around the gym when someone bumped into you causing you to drop the floor polish. “Hey watch it blueberry.” You let that slip out by accident slapping your hand on your mouth. When you first saw the setter of the Karasuno team you thought his eyes looked like blueberries and even his hair now that you are closer to him looked like that shade of blue. “What did you say?” He said with anger in his tone. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry. I’m just a little worn out and I tend to get a little crabby when that happens. I know you didn’t mean to bump into me. And that reaction was not warranted.” You bowed and apologized profusely hoping that he would accept. Keiji was walking over when he saw you bent over in front of the young setter. “Uh ___ what is going on here.” “Not now Akaashi.” “What did she do?” Akaashi asked with a sigh in his voice as he pinched the tip of his nose. “She called me blueberry after I did accidentally bump into her causing the polish to fall over.” “Hmm, not her worst reaction.” This caused you to kick your older brother in the ankle. “Wait till I tell mom about this then will see if you get any curry tonight.” You stuck your tongue out in return. “There is one way to settle this then you rambling apologies and making Kageyama uncomfortable. As long as Kageyama doesn’t mind will you help her clean up the polish?” You felt bad for him, how was a first-year going to say no to a second year. Also, your brother putting him in an awkward position to if he said no he would look like a bad guy. But what you and your brother didn’t know that Kageyama had the utmost respect for him. Akaashi was setting for one of the top aces in Japan. He was so lucky. So naturally, he agreed to do so. You were a little shocked. You and he cleaned in silence; it was peaceful. You were humming a little bit. You noticed that Kageyama looked up when you started humming. You stopped right then and there afraid you would freeze to death from his icy glare. Not that you mind though, the none emotionless setter was gorgeous. He did have ridiculously beautiful blueberry eyes and a nice jawline. And his hair looked really soft too, which made him look like a blueberry even more. You finished quickly so you would not hold him up anymore. “I’m sorry again that my brother forced you to help clean.” You apologized bowing to him. “He didn’t force me. I did bump into you, causing you to drop the polish. I’m sorry I wasn’t paying attention, I was lost in my thoughts.” He bowed to you. ‘Also very gentlemanly.’ You thought to yourself. “I understand I do that too sometimes. You played really well for the games you got to play in. You can set to the orange guy perfectly. You match his speed so he can spike it perfectly almost every time when he isn’t blocked by Nekoma.” You said mocking Hinata’s spiking motion.   Kageyama looked down and smiled at you. “I think Fukurodani stumped him a couple of times.” “Well, we do have one of the top 5 aces in Japan. It is bound to happen.” You said with a chuckle walking backward out of the gym. “Hey I was wondering was that song you were humming earlier something by Ariana Grande?” You thought for a minute. Over the course ever since you found your soulmate connection you decided to lesson your time listening to music. You found that the person you were connected to liked Ariana Grande a lot. Maybe it was Positions. “Oh yeah, it was. Sorry if you found that was annoying. Just someone I know really likes that song.” You laughed again. “Come on ___ we got to go!” Bokuto yelled from the bus he was hanging out of the door while your brother was trying to pull him in. “It looks like I have to go. There is supposed to be another training camp soon, maybe your team will invite them too, it was nice talking to you. Yachi has my number if you need another friend.” You grabbed your bag by the entrance of the gym and hopped over to your bus. Kageyama watched you the whole way, his heart fluttering a little bit. When you reached the bus Bokuto was smirking, “Was Little Akaashi flirting with the setter from Karasuno?” “No! I have no idea what you are talking about! And stop calling me that!” You huffed and sat in your seat. You placed your headphones in for a somewhat long drive which you can get some much-needed sleep. You decided to listen to music for once, choosing to listen to Blueberry Eyes. As the bus was finally pulling out Kageyama was looking at the bus and you gave him a little wave and he waved back. “You are blushing.” Bokuto leaned over with a big smile. You pulled his sleep mask down. “Go to sleep you great horned owl.”

As the Manager from Fukurodani gave Kageyama a wave. He waved back. But the reason he was looking at the Fukurodani bus leaving was that he heard the song his soulmate was playing, Blueberry Eyes. He does not believe in coincidences. You just called him blueberry. Worse of all was that he kind of liked you. But not in a romantic way yet. He liked you as a person. You didn’t find volleyball boring, your brother was also a setter, and you were fun to talk to. “Kageyama who are you waving at?!” Hinata yelled at him.   “No one you need to worry about Dumbass!” He yelled back. “He was waving at one of the Fukurodani’s cute managers,” Nishinoya said, smiling. “She seems so sweet and innocent like a pure angel.” Tanaka agreed. “Yeah, she is Akashi's sister,” Suga said. “So I doubt you two will ever get close to her.” The two second-years pouted at their chances with the manager.

The next camp was coming up in a few weeks. Hinata and Kageyama did have a fight and he did frighten Yachi. He felt bad because of the few friends he had; he lost both of them. As much as he hated Hinata, he was able to keep up with Kageyama’s skill and shared the passion for volleyball. Yachi was able to help him with his grade and was a great tutor and she also didn’t find volleyball boring, and she is curious about the sport. He went to her house to apologize. He brought her some cat-shaped cookies (that what his sister told him to do). “You didn’t have to Kageyama.” Yachi was shaking her head feeling guilty that she didn’t do anything for him. “It is an apology for what happened in the gym the other day between Hinata and me. You shouldn’t have seen that and we shouldn’t have let that happen.” “Thank you for the apology. I hope you and Hinata work things out.” She said with a smile. There was silence for a moment before Yachi’s phone dinged. She looked down at it knowing it was you continuing the conversation that you guys started earlier. She laughed at her phone. Kageyama lifted his eyebrow in suspicion. “Sorry, that was ____.” “_____?” “Uh yeah. Fukurodani’s manager, Akaashi’s sister.” “Oh her. I believe she is my soulmate.” With that statement, she almost dropped the box of cookies. “What?!” She squeaked.

“Yachi!” You screamed and leaped into her arms. “____ it had only been 2 weeks.” “But I missed you. I don’t have a lot of girl-friends.” She laughed and hugged you right back. “Come on I’ll show you to your classroom again.” Yachi was not the one for evil plans or devilish plans. But only knowing for a few weeks she knows Kageyama would be a good fit for you. And you for him. So she and he planned for a way to get to know each other. While he focuses on volleyball.

“____ I have to help with setting up for dinner. Can you throw balls for Kageyama? I usually do but-” “Of course Yachi. I’m used to doing it for Akaashi.” You jogged over to Kageyama and he was stretching.“Hi Kageyama, Yachi asked me to throw  balls for you to set is that ok?” “Yes of course. I’m assuming you know how to throw to setters?” “Mmhmm.” You hummed with a nod.

Evenings passed, helping Kageyama with his setting for this move for him and Hinata. After each training session, he would walk you to your room. You got to know him, he was really a simple person, with some anger problems, and a love for volleyball. You also found out you could make him blush easily.

The last day had finally approached. The boys and managers were treated with BBQ. After that, you had to clean the gym. “Want some help again? A way for me to repay you for helping me this week.” Kageyama asked. “Please do.” You said with a sigh. “Thank you.” He shrugged happily helping you. “You and Hinata really improved that move. It looks good I have a feeling you will get to play Seijoh. I’ll be rooting for you.” He was listening to you but also not because he had a plan for you, he was going to confirm his theory that you were in fact his soulmate. He put in his headphones when you weren’t looking, putting it at full volume, and played the song you have been listening to for 2 weeks. Blueberry Eyes. He turned his head and watched you jump and seeing you drop your broom. You looked directly into Kageyama's eyes. He looked at you deadpan, smirking, skipping the song to an Ariana song. You had a cute confused look on your face and made his heart flutter again. He took out his headphones. “You- You, uh… You are my soulmate!” You said flabbergasted. “Yes.” He shrugged. “You knew? For how long?” “2 weeks when you were leaving. You listened to that song. Blueberry Eyes. Normally I would be offended, but the song is very complimentary. You do have good music taste and I like that you were on a schedule. Then you went off it and that did throw me off.” “I’m sorry. When I found out that was my connection which was when I was sick and you were listening to your music. I felt horribly guilty that I was forcing my type of music onto another. And I never wanted to do that to you.” He walked over to you and hugged you to stop you from rambling. “It doesn’t matter to me. You have good music taste. I don’t know what I really liked.” “Ariana Grande.” He blushed and pushed you out of his grasp. “Hey, Baka that is not fair.” He said embarrassed. “Oh, Kageyama it is not that bad.” You laughed. You noticed he was still holding your hand. “I like that you are my soulmate Kageyama.” “And I like you are mine. And I ask for a couple of things. 1. Please call me Tobio, 2. Never change your music taste, and 3. If you can please come to my games.” You blushed at the last request. “Anything for my Blueberry.” You pecked his cheek. His face heated up again. “You can call me Tobio,'' I said. “Blueberry in private please.” “Anything you want.” you agreed.

[rpf-bat]

Someone Get Me To A Church

Pairing: Gerard Way x Reader

Genre: Drama, Horror

Summary: Written for Gothtober 2020, Day 1. Prompt: “Exorcist”. 

You recently started volunteering at a church that provides meals to the homeless. Despite not being particularly religious, you develop a bond with one of the priests there, Gerard. But, when a demonic entity appears on the church’s doorstep, can you and Gerard send him back to Hell, where he belongs? 

Trigger warnings for violence, and mentions of alcoholism. 

You’d been volunteering at the soup kitchen for about a week now. It was operated by St. Benedict’s Catholic Church. You’d attended Mass there as a kid, but it had been a while since you’d really considered yourself a “practicing” Catholic. Still, the work was relatively easy. Mostly chopping vegetables, and ladling soup into bowls. And it felt good, doing something to help the homeless people in your city. 

“We’re about done for the day, Y/N,” smiled Ruth, one of the older volunteers. “The last guest has finished eating. Now, we’ve just got to wash his dishes, and then we can go home.” 

Most of the volunteers had left already. The bulk of the dishes were already clean. There had just been a couple people who had come in at the very end of meal service. You’d been waiting for them to finish their lunch, before you closed up for the afternoon. 

“If you bring the dishes into the kitchen, I’ll finish washing them for you,” you offered. 

“Oh, you’re such a dear,” Ruth said gratefully. “I’ve been using my hands all day. My arthritis is starting to flare up.”

“Go home and take your medicine,” you said gently. “I can handle the rest of it on my own.” 

“Thank you,” Ruth replied, handing you a small stack of bowls and utensils. “God be with you!”

“Oh, uh, you, too,” you mumbled, heading into the kitchen. You were surprised to find someone else already standing by the sink. 

It was a handsome, black-haired man. You’d seen him walking around with Father Geoff earlier. His white collar, told you that he must be one of the other priests from St. Benedict’s. 

“Hello,” you greeted. “Sorry, I didn’t realize that anyone was still back here.” 

“I was about to leave,” the man shrugged. “I saw someone had spilled soup on the counters, so I was giving them a wipe down before I headed out.” 

“Oh, thanks,” you nodded, setting the dishes down in the sink. “Sorry, I don’t think I caught your name?”

“I’m Gerard,” the man introduced, offering a hand. 

“I’m Y/N,” you said, shaking his hand. Wow….his skin is so soft. “It’s nice to meet you, Father Gerard.” 

“Oh, I’m not quite a ‘father’ yet,” Gerard chuckled. “I’m just a deacon.” 

“What’s a deacon?” you asked.

“I just graduated from seminary school recently,” Gerard explained. “So, I’m still in training. I haven’t taken my final vows yet.” 

“Oh, I see,” you nodded. He’s still a man of the cloth, you told yourself. So stop thinking about his soft hands….and his pretty face. 

“Hopefully, if I do a good job, Father Geoff will ordain me soon,” Gerard said hopefully. 

“Yeah, I’m sure you can do it!” you assured him. 

“Thank you for the vote of confidence,” Gerard chuckled. “Would you like some help with those dishes?”

“Oh, sure,” you said gratefully, handing him a dish towel. “If I wash, can you dry?” 

“Yeah, no problem,” Gerard smiled. 

You quickly got to work, scrubbing the crumbs off a spoon, and then handing it to him. He wiped it dry, and placed it on the dish rack. 

“How long have you been working here, Y/N?” Gerard asked curiously. 

“Oh, I just started lasting weekend,” you confessed, handing him a bowl. 

“That’s wonderful,” Gerard smiled, wiping the bowl with a rag. “Father Geoff told me that most of the volunteers are older, and have been doing this for years. It’s hard for him, to find younger people, who are interested in joining the program.” 

“It’s…..really not that wonderful,” you said sheepishly, looking down at the coffee cup you were scrubbing. 

“What do you mean?” Gerard asked, raising an eyebrow. 

“The truth is,” you sighed, “I’m not going to be with the volunteer program for very long.”

“Why not?” Gerard frowned, taking the cup from you. 

“I’m….,” you reddened, ashamed of what you were about to say. “I’m just volunteering here, because my probation officer asked me to.” 

“Probation?” Gerard blinked. 

“Yeah….I fucked up,” you admitted. “I’m sorry…..messed up. I shouldn’t swear on church property…” 

“It’s okay,” Gerard assured you. “Go on….?”

“I did something stupid,” you continued, embarrassed. “I was a first time offender, so they didn’t throw me in jail. Thank God. But, I was given twelve months of probation, and the judge said I have to do 50 hours of community service.” 

“What crime did you commit?” Gerard asked. 

You looked at the floor. He probably thinks I’m a disgusting sinner, you guessed, cheeks burning. 

To your surprise, Gerard took your hand in his. “I’m sorry,” he said gently. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.” 

“It was a DUI,” you confessed. “I know, it’s dumb, I should have just called a cab, instead of trying to drive home….I didn’t think. And then I got pulled over, like an idiot.” 

“You’re not an idiot, Y/N,” Gerard said softly, squeezing his hand. “God loves you, even when you make mistakes. And only He can judge you….I myself, am certainly in no place, to judge anyone.” 

“What do you mean?” you looked up into his hazel eyes, confused. 

“I may be a man of God now,” Gerard explained, “but in my early twenties, I lived a sinful life, and did many stupid things.” 

“Really?” you gasped, surprised. 

“Yeah,” Gerard said shyly. “I was….an alcoholic, and a drug user. My family forced me to get help…..Alcoholics Anonymous is a Christian based organization. While I was in rehab, I started reading the Bible a lot. I found Jesus, and that gave me a purpose. The Lord helped me fight my inner demons, and become a better person.” 

“I’m really glad that becoming Christian, was able to help you get sober,” you said, squeezing his hand back. “You turned your life around….that’s definitely something to be proud of.”

“Thank you,” Gerard said, touched. “I hope that God helps you to turn your life around, too, Y/N. I know that you can do it.” 

You stared into his eyes, overcome with emotion. He was being so sweet to you, even though you didn’t feel like you deserved it.  His face was so close to your own…..you were tempted to do something you shouldn’t. But, suddenly, you heard a loud crash coming from the dining area.

“What was that?” Gerard gasped. 

“I don’t know,” you turned, facing the source of the sound. “I’m going to go check it out.” 

You found a man sprawled in the doorway. His hair was short and black, and  arms were lined with tattoos. 

“Oh my god!” you gasped. “Sir, are you okay?”

You walked over to his side, and offered a hand to help him up. He didn’t look hurt, but something in his gaze seemed….off. 

“Please,” the man begged. “I need help….”

“Um….meal service is over,” you informed him, nervous about the way he was still holding onto your arm. “We’ll start serving food again around noon tomorrow, if you’d like to come back…”

“No,” the man shook his head. “I don’t need food….I need you to…..”

“To what?” you wondered. 

“Oh, god, it’s too late,” the man gasped. He shoved you away. “You need to run. Now.” 

“Run?” you repeated. “Run from what?” 

“I can’t hold him back any longer,” the man sobbed. 

“Him?” you echoed, still confused. 

Suddenly, the man’s eyes turned pitch black. A wicked smirk crossed his face, completely unlike his previous expression. He spoke in a deep voice, that was not his own. 

“You cannot save him…..die!” 

The man lunged at you, wrapping his hands around your throat. You tried to scream, but he tightened his grip, and you couldn’t breathe. 

Why was he doing this?! He had been acting normal just a second ago….why would he attack you? Were you really going to die?

“He..lp,” you pleaded, terrified. “Please….somebody….help!” 

“Get your hands off of her!” Gerard cried, punching the man in the jaw. He hit the ground hard, his hands leaving your throat, as he fell backwards. You gasped for air. 

“Y/N, who is this guy?!” Gerard demanded. 

“I don’t know!” you cried. “I’ve never seen him before in my life!” 

The man got up again, and lunged at you once more. His eyes were completely black - no pupils, only sclera. 

“Get back, in the name of Christ!” Gerard cried, pulling a small cross from his pocket, and brandishing it at the stranger. 

To your surprise, the man retreated. Why did that work?

You got behind Gerard, still frightened. He shielded you with his body, as he pointed the cross at the man again. The man took a few more steps back. 

“Who are you?!” Gerard asked. 

“Beelzebub,” the man replied. 

“What?” you gasped. You’d heard that name before, in a horror movie. “That’s the name of a demon from the Bible, isn’t it?” 

“Yes, foolish one,” the man cackled. He pulled a small knife from his back pocket, and advanced on you again. 

“Y/N, we need to get out of here!” Gerard warned. He grabbed your arm and pulled you with him as he ran towards the kitchen. 

The man pursued you. “Come back here and die, foolish humans!” 

“He just called us humans….like he’s not one?” you realized. 

“Y/N, run out the back door, now,” Gerard pleaded. “Don’t look back.”

“No, I won’t leave you behind!” you insisted. This psycho is gonna stab him! 

The man backed Gerard into a corner, and  raised his knife in the air. 

“No!” you cried. You grabbed a dirty frying pan out of the sink, and used all of your strength, to whack the man in the back of the head. 

He crumpled to the ground. The knife fell harmlessly to the floor with him. You looked down and saw that his head was bleeding. 

“Oh my god,” you gasped. “What if I killed him?” 

“He was going to kill me!” Gerard reminded you. “Thank you, Y/N. You saved my life.” 

“You saved mine first, when he was choking me,” you replied. 

Your eyes returned to the unconscious man on the kitchen floor, still in shock. 

“His head injury actually looks pretty minor,” Gerard said, kneeling down to look at him more closely. “There should be a first aid kit, in the sacristy. Will you help me get him up?”

“You’re going to treat his injury?” you asked, surprised. “He tried to stab you!” 

“But I say unto you,” Gerard quoted, “Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you.” 

“....What?” you blinked. 

“That’s a bible verse,” Gerard clarified. “Matthew 5:44.” 

“So….you think helping him, is what Jesus would do?” you guessed. 

“Yes,” Gerard said simply. He picked the man up, and threw him over his shoulder. 

“....Ok,” you decided, “I’ll help you.” You followed him to the next building over, the church annex. 

Gerard is a far better person then I’ll ever be. 

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Gerard sat the unconscious man in a chair, and started wiping the blood off his brow. You got the first aid kit off the shelf, and handed Gerard a roll of bandages. 

“Thank you,” Gerard said, and applied the bandage to the man’s face. “I think he’s going to be okay.” 

You didn’t know what to say to that. This stranger had just tried to murder you both! 

“Could you get the chain, from the second shelf down?” Gerard asked. “Normally, we use it to lock the church doors at night. But, I think it will work for this, too.”

“....This?” you repeated uncertainly, handing him the object he’d asked for. 

Your heart hammered as you watched Gerard tie the man’s hands behind his back. 

“....This man is going to need more help from us,” Gerard said grimly. 

“What do you mean?” 

“Clearly,” Gerard said, looking pale, “this poor soul has been possessed by a demon.” 

“Huh?” you laughed nervously. “No way….demons aren’t real.” 

“I believe in God and all His angels,” Gerard insisted. “So, I have to acknowledge that the Devil, and his fallen angels, exist, too. Thankfully, the Vatican has a guidebook of sorts, to train priests, how to perform exorcisms.” 

“Exorcisms,” you repeated. “Gerard, you can’t be serious.”

“You saw his eyes,” Gerard said quietly. 

You shivered as you remembered how the man’s eyes had looked while he was trying to strangle you. Dark. Inhuman. 

“And he identified himself, as Beelzebub,” Gerard reminded you. He picked a bible up off the shelf, and handed it to you. “Here, read this!”

You looked at the passage he was talking about - Matthew 12:22: 

Then they brought him a demon-possessed man who was blind and mute, and Jesus healed him, so that he could both talk and see. All the people were astonished and said, “Could this be the Son of David?”

But when the Pharisees heard this, they said, “It is only by Beelzebub, the prince of demons, that this fellow drives out demons.”

“The….the prince of demons?” you repeated, heart pounding. “You’re saying that’s who’s sitting in that chair right now?” 

You looked over at the man. He still hadn’t woken up. 

“I...I’ve never performed an exorcism before,” Gerard confessed. “To be honest, I’m nervous. But that man….he asked you for help, didn’t he?”

You thought back to what the man had said to you, when you first found him sprawled on the steps. He had pleaded with you for help, before he started attacking you. That must have been the vessel speaking - not Beelzebub.  You imagined what it must feel like, to be possessed. To watch your hands choke somebody, but not be in control of them. 

“You’re right,” you decided. “We have to help him.” 

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Gerard pulled another book from the shelf, took a deep breath, and began reading from the page. 

“Let us pray,” he began. 

You crossed yourself, clumsily, and  clasped your hands together. You were out of practice - you weren’t sure you being here was going to help at all. 

“God, Creator and defender of the human race, who made man in your own image, look down in pity on this your servant, now in the toils of the unclean spirit,” Gerard recited. “Now caught up in the fearsome threats of man's ancient enemy, sworn foe of our race, who befuddles…..”  

You jumped as man in the chair stirred, and woke up. He narrowed his unholy, black eyes at Gerard. “Silence!” he demanded. “Be silent, before I break these chains and kill you, you bastard!” 

“B-befuddles and stupefies the human mind,” Gerard stammered, thrown off by the interruption.

“Keep going!” you encouraged, even though you were shaking with fear. “Don’t stop reciting the prayer!” 

“....Stupefies the human mind,” Gerard went on. “Throws it into terror, overwhelms it with fear and panic. Repel, Oh Lord, the devil's power, break asunder his snares and traps, put the unholy tempter to flight….” 

“You think you and this harlot have the holy power to exorcise me?!” the demon snickered. “I know your secrets! Both of you are filled with sin!” 

“Y/N, hand me the holy water!” Gerard urged, ignoring Beelzebub’s taunts. 

You ran to the shelf, and grabbed the bottle, tossing it to Gerard with shaking hands. 

He opened it, and poured a few drops into his hand. Trembling, he approached the man, and drew the sign of the cross in holy water, on his forehead. 

The demon screamed in pain, as though Gerard were spraying him with acid. 

“By the sign of your name,” Gerard cried, “”let your servant be protected in mind and body!”

“Who are you to call upon Him?!” the demon demanded. “You think He will help you defeat me? Ha! You are unworthy - the both of you are destined for Hell!” 

He swiveled his head around, and fixed his unholy black eyes on you. “Does your new priest friend know you are a disgusting drunkard?” he laughed cruelly. “Does he know that you almost killed an innocent child, when you chose to drive home from the bar that night?” 

“How…..how do you know that?!” you gasped. You’d swerved at the last second, that night, crashing your car into a retaining wall, instead of the little boy, who had been playing in the street. But you still had nightmares, about what would have happened, if you hadn’t been able to grab the steering wheel fast enough. He’s right. I’m disgusting….I’m an awful person. 

“She has confessed her sins, to me, and to a judge, in a court of law,” Gerard said, surprising you. “And she is doing penance for that sin now - working in my soup kitchen, and helping me to save the poor man you’ve possessed. God asks no more of her than this. I am certain He forgives her.” 

Your eyes widened at his words. Does he really mean that? 

Gerard poured more holy water into his hand, and made another cross, over the man’s heart. The demon howled again, in agony. 

“What about your sins, deacon?!” Beelzebub growled. “You are just as vile as she!” 

“I know he used to be a junkie,” you said quietly. “But he’s a better man now! God forgives him, too!” 

“I speak not of the sins of the past, you fool,” the demon cackled. “I speak of the sin he has committed today!”

“What sin?” you demanded. 

“He began thinking lustful thoughts, as soon as he laid eyes on you,” Beelzebub accused. 

“What?” you gasped. 

Gerard’s face reddened. He turned away from you in shame. Could it be true? 

No way, you thought. The demon must be lying, to distract us. 

“Gerard, finish the prayer!” you cried. 

“Your lecherous desires make you unfit for the clergy,” the demon smirked. 

“....I….I’m filth,” Gerard mumbled, staring down at his shoes. “God, forgive me….”

What the hell? Had the demon’s words really thrown him off that much? 

“Jesus died for everyone’s sins, right?” you reminded. 

“....Right,” Gerard blinked, picking his head up. “He died for your sins, and mine, so that all who accept Him as their savior, can enter Heaven.” 

“Jesus loves you - so talk to him, and ask him to help us send this son of a bitch back to Hell!” you urged. 

“Right,” Gerard nodded, and began reading from his prayer book again. “O Lord, keep watch over the inmost recesses of this man’s heart; rule over his emotions; strengthen his will. Let vanish from his soul the temptings of the mighty adversary…..” 

“I am mightier than anyone!” Beelzebub shrieked. “I am the Prince of Demons! Feel my wrath!”

You screamed as the lights flickered and books started flying off the shelves. You ducked as a book of hymns nearly hit you in the face. 

“Stop!” Gerard cried. “Don’t you dare hurt her!”

“You do not command me, mortal!” Beelzebub snarled. “Watch what happens to those who challenge me!” 

Suddenly, you went flying. An unseen force shoved you backwards, pinning you against the wall. You were like a rag doll, controlled by invisible hands. Your head was slammed into the wall, over and over. You screamed with pain. The back of your head began to bleed. 

“Please, stop hurting her!” Gerard begged. 

“Call off this ritual, and I will do as you ask,” the demon bargained. 

“No!” you cried, even as your consciousness began to fade. “Gerard, please! Finish the exorcism!” 

With tears in his eyes, Gerard began to pray again: 

“Graciously grant, Oh Lord, as we call on your holy name, that the evil spirit, who hitherto terrorized over us, may himself retreat in terror and defeat, so that this servant of yours may sincerely and steadfastly render you the service which is your due; through Christ our Lord! Amen!”

“AMEN!” you cried. Then, everything faded to black. 

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

You woke up in a hospital bed, your head swathed in bandages. The back of your skull still hurt. 

How did I get here? you wondered. The room was totally quiet, aside from the beeping of your heart monitor. 

Suddenly, you heard a knock at the door. 

“....Gerard?” you called hopefully. 

“Not quite,” said an unknown voice. A black-haired man, with a familiar face, stepped into the room. 

“Beelzebub?!” you gasped. Had he come to finish you off?!

You grabbed your IV pole, hoping you could brandish it as a weapon. 

“No!” the man said quickly. “Beelzebub is gone!” 

“....Oh,” you realized, setting the pole down. So, the ritual had worked. This meant that the man standing before you, was not the demon, but the poor guy who had gotten possessed. 

“I’m Frank,” the man introduced. “The nurse told me that your name is Y/N?”

“Yeah,” you said weakly. “That’s me.” 

“I wanted to tell you that I’m sorry, that you got hurt, because of me,” Frank said sadly. 

“It’s not your fault,” you said, sincerely. “You didn’t ask to have your body taken over.”

“I wanted to thank you, too,” Frank added. “You and that priest saved my life.” 

 “Do you know where the, uh, priest went?” you asked. You wanted to see Gerard again. 

“I think he took off after he drove us here,” Frank confessed. “Apparently, he told the doctors, that we both fell down the cathedral steps, and hit our heads that way.”

“Do you think they actually believed that?” you raised an eyebrow. 

“I think they wouldn’t believe the real story,” Frank chuckled, “even if we told them.” 

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

A week later, you were released from the hospital. You had made a full recovery. You had told your mom the same lie - that you “fell”. Nobody knew what really happened. You hadn’t been particularly religious in a long time. But now, confronted with the reality that demons existed, you found yourself praying to God to protect you, every time you left your house. 

You were out and about today, running errands. You hadn’t meant to stop at the church, but you found your feet walking there before you knew it. There was no Mass going on, at this time of day - the place should be completely empty. 

You pushed open the heavy doors, and found that the church was almost empty - except for one. Gerard sat in the first pew, closest to the altar, his head bowed in prayer. 

His head snapped up, when the door slammed shut behind you. 

“Y/N?!” he gasped, turning around to look at you. “What are you doing here?”

“I came to pray,” you replied. “I didn’t know that you would be here.” 

“....I’ve been praying a great deal since I last saw you,” Gerard sighed. “Please, come sit down.” 

You walked to the front of the church, and slid into the pew beside him. 

“How are you feeling?” he asked, concerned. “Is your head still….?”

“It’s fine,” you assured him. “I had a pretty bad concussion, but I’m better now.” 

“Oh, thanks be to God!” Gerard cried, relieved. 

“Thanks be to you,” you corrected. “If you hadn’t sent that demon packing, he would have kept using his weird psychic powers to bash my skull in.” 

“It was only through God’s power, that I was able to exorcise Beelzebub,” Gerard shrugged. “But, thank you for being there to help me.”

“Of course,” you nodded. 

For a moment, there was an awkward silence. 

“....Father Geoff said he plans to schedule my ordination ceremony, for All Saint’s Day,” Gerard said finally. 

“That’s a month from today,” you realized. 

“Yeah,” Gerard nodded. “In one month, I’m supposed to take my final vows of poverty, obedience, and chastity.” 

Chastity. You mulled this word over in your head for a moment. In Catholicism, priests were forbidden to have any type of sexual, or romantic, relationships. Their bodies and minds, belonged only to God.  

Gerard knew what the rules of priesthood were, when he decided to go to seminary school, you considered. He was okay with giving up being touched, for the rest of his life. 

“You’ve spent years, training to become a full-fledged priest,” you smiled faintly. “You must be very happy, to finally be reaching your goal.” 

“I should be happy,” Gerard sighed, “but I’m not.” 

“Why not?” you blinked. 

“Because I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you,” Gerard confessed, in a low whisper, as if he didn’t want even God to hear it. 

Your eyes widened. “.....Me?” 

“Yes,” Gerard flushed. 

“Gerard…,” you asked hesitantly. “Was what the demon said, during the exorcism, true? Have you been having….lustful thoughts about me?” 

“I have,” Gerard admitted with shame. “God forgive me, but I have.”

“It’s okay..” you said softly. 

“It’s not!” Gerard argued. “I’m supposed to be a holy man! I’m not supposed to creep on some pious young woman.”

“I don’t think you’re creepy,” you said quietly. “The truth is…..I’ve been having lustful thoughts about you, too.” 

Gerard’s eyes widened. “.....Really?”

“Yes,” you blushed. “The moment I met you, I started thinking about your handsome face, and your soft hands. I wanted to be touched by them.”

“....I haven’t touched a woman since I entered the seminary,” Gerard hesitated. “I thought I was okay with that. I never missed it. But now? Ever since I left you at the hospital, I’ve been dreaming of taking you into my arms, and kissing you.” 

“Do it,” you said breathlessly. 

“I can’t!” Gerard argued. “I’ve spent the last four and a half years, training my hardest to become a clergyman. Now that I’m on the precipice of everything I’ve worked for, suddenly I fall into temptation?!” 

“Why?” you had to ask. “Why would you question your whole career, over someone you’ve only met once?” 

“....I’ve seen you more than once,” Gerard revealed. 

“Huh?” 

“It was on Christmas Eve, a year ago,” Gerard explained. “I was helping Father Geoff with midnight Mass. You came to church with your parents, wearing a gorgeous black dress.” 

“I remember that night,” you realized, “but I don’t remember seeing you there.” 

“I didn’t give the sermon,” Gerard recalled. “Geoff did, while I performed smaller tasks, like holding the chalice, during Communion.” 

“I was feeling kinda sick,” you remembered. “I didn’t take Communion that night, because I was worried I’d spread my germs to the rest of the congregation.” 

“After Mass ended,” Gerard went on, “I watched you leave the church. There was a homeless man, sitting outside. You walked over to a hot dog stand, and bought him a meal. Even though you were in fancy clothes, you sat and talked with him for a bit, while he ate.”

“It was just a hot dog,” you shrugged. “They’re only a couple dollars.”

“Only a couple dollars,” Gerard repeated, “and yet, every other person who had just left the church, walked past him, and refused to buy him one, when he begged, and said he was hungry.” 

“They just ignored him,” you frowned. “Like they think they’re better than him, or something.”

“Even on the holiest night of the year,” Gerard recalled fondly, “you were the only person who chose to be kind. To me, this was a Christ-like action.”

“Christ-like? Me? No way!” 

“I was fascinated by you, and I hoped I would see you again, at the next Mass,” Gerard admitted, “but, you never came back, after that.” 

“Yeah,” you sighed. “After Christmas break ended, I went back to college. During spring semester, I made some friends who were involved with Greek life. I started going to frat parties, and clubs, a lot more. I would usually get so drunk on Saturday nights, that I would be too hungover, to go to church, the next morning.” 

“I see,” Gerard nodded. You expected to him judge you, but there was none of that in his expression. 

“....I’ve decided I want to quit drinking,” you said seriously. “Especially after my car accident. Beelzebub wasn’t wrong….I really could have hurt someone.” 

“When I first started getting sober,” Gerard said empathetically, “I was a mess. I had made so many mistakes, driven so many people away. I didn’t know who I wanted to be. I didn’t even know, if I wanted to be. But….God saved me. Religion gave me a reason to live. A purpose. That’s why I decided, I wanted to thank God, by dedicating the rest of my life, to Him, and Him alone.” 

“But….what if that’s not God’s plan for you?” you asked. “What if He caused you to meet me, because He wants us to be together?” 

“Are you saying God wants me to kiss you?” Gerard replied, bewildered. 

“I don’t know,” you said honestly. “But, I know that I want you to.” 

Gerard couldn’t hold himself back anymore. He pounced on you with a passion that surprised you, knocking you backward onto the pew. His body covered yours as your lips met. 

His lips were even softer than his hands. It was like the floodgates had opened. Consumed with desire, you twisted your hands into his hair as he kissed you harder, deeper. You cried out, and the sound echoed against the walls of the empty cathedral. 

“We….we can’t do this here,” you gasped. “This is a house of God.”

“And I was meant to be a man of God,” Gerard panted. “But instead, I am now your man. I will be yours, as long as you will have me.”

“Have me right now,” you gasped, pulling him down onto you, for another searing kiss. “Have me forever.” 

[loudsuitlover]

Doctor Harry

A/N: I feel like I forgot how to write but I guess the best way to overcome that is trying to write again. I’m still trying to write Lawyer Harry and Ohana but I’m struggling I don’t know why. Also this on first person POV. Thought I’d try something different too. Anyway, sorry for this annoying intro I don’t even know who I’m writing this for haha if after all this ranting you still decided to read, thank you and happy reading! xxx

INDIE’S POV

This skirt fitted me better last spring. I look at my profile on the mirror and focus on my belly and my lips frown at the muffin top I got during the winter. I really need to get back with the abs routine Sergio had made for me. I guess it would help if I didn’t hate abs with a passion. I’d be so fit if I didn’t hate abs and then it would be over for all of them skinny bitches. 

“Indie?” Jason barely whispers my name outside the door. 

“Coming.” 

I open the door fast as soon as I get my white coat on, getting my braid out of it as I walk with Jason towards the doctors’ offices. I have yet to meet my mentor, doctor Hill, since yesterday he didn’t work. That’s something I’ll never understand. If he’s not working then how can he have a medical student assigned for hospital practice? That’s beyond me. Thank God for young doctors who still remember what it was like to be an ignored Med student and help you out and take care of you. God bless them. 

“You look cute today.” Jason points out but I know he means it more like a suspicion than a compliment so I just roll my eyes and check I have my notepad on the pocket of my coat. “Hoping to see Mario again, are we?” 

I chuckle. 

“You know some of us don’t want to jump the bones of every nice guy we meet.” I tease him.

“You’re telling me. You haven’t been with anyone in fourteen months.”

“You’re counting?” I can feel my face contorting in desbelief. “That’s sick.” 

“I mean I don’t know if it’s been fourteen or fifteen or what but more than a year.” 

I look into his brown eyes and hold his stare for long enough so that he undertands I do not necessarily want to discuss this here and now where any professor could walk past us any minute and he rolls his eyes so I know he’ll drop it. 

“Anyway, our paths part here.” He announces right before he knocks on an office’s door and moves his mouth so that it looks like the voice of his mentor is his own. 

I chuckle again as I make my way to office 32, where I read doctor Hill should be today in the doctor’s planning. A patient stops me on the way there and asks me where the digestive doctors hall is and I give him the directions with the smile that comes naturally to my face. I’ve been told that a lot, that I’m always smiling, even my grandad used to call me toothy when I was little for how much he would see my teeth when I smiled. 

I’ve been studying medicine for four years and I’ve been dressing up as a doctor for hospital practice for two but it’s still exciting when some patient actually mistakes me with a real doctor because well, it’s so clear to me that I’m not, but it’s encouraging to see that people think I could be. 

The office door is opened and I hear two male voices casually chatting on the inside. I don’t want to eavesdrop, especially because the probability of getting caught is rather high so I knock on the opened door and wait for them to give me permission to enter. They just stop talking so I take another step and stand on their sight. Mario, the nice young doctor that helped me yesterday, is looking at me with raised eyebrows. It’s almost hard to recognize him without the surgery gown so I reckon it might be the same for him but then he smiles and I give him a smile back. 

“Hi, Mario.” 

“Hi. Looking for doctor Hill?” 

I nod at his question and he nods back as if telling me I’m on the right place but before he can speak the other doctor interrupts him. 

“Here it is, Mario. D’you want me to print it fo you?”

Mario moves to the side so I can see the man who owns that voice and I know I must look stunned because I am. Doctors don’t usually look like that and I have never been this lucky. Usually our mentors are doctors over 50 and when they’re male they’re usually fat or bald, sometimes both, but he looks like a movie star or like a singer or someone from Olympus and I try to save the way he looks on my mind as if I already know no one is ever going to look like him ever. 

I don’t know how long I’ve been standing here for or if any of them has said anything to me but by the way his green eyes stare into mine, amused, I feel like it’s been too long. How did he even manage to be a mentor? I don’t think he’s even a full doctor yet, he looks to young for that. 

“You’re so unlucky, Harry. You got the most annoying student, always asking questions...” Mario jokes. 

I chuckle, finding it funny that he would remember how I apologized the day before for making so many questions. He was really nice yesterday and he’s being very nice now saving me from my embarrassingly staring at Harry. He then stands up from his chair on the other side of the desk.

“Hi, I’m Harry. Nice to meet you.” 

And much to my surprise, not that I’m complaining though, he approaches me and places one hand on my elbow, leaning in and pressing his cheek against mine in the way I would greet a friend. But he’s not a friend. No doctor has ever greeted me like that. And he just introduced himself as Harry, didn’t he? Does that mean he wants me to call him Harry? No doctor Hill anymore? 

“I’m Indigo.” I tell him.

“Indigo.” He smiles and I think I’ve forgotten how to speak. “That’s such a beautiful name.” 

“Thank you.” I look at my feet because I’m gonna fangirl if he keeps smiling at me. “My mum’s a painter and a hippy.” 

He laughs and I feel my breath getting caught on my throat. I think I’m having a tachicardia. I feel stupid. It’s not like I’ve never seen a handsome man before. But I’ve certainly never been this close to one and I’ve never had his attention. 

“Well, I’m on my way to the operating room.” Mario announces. “See you, mate.” 

He gives Harry a warning look before he goes but Harry chuckles and shakes his head, dismissing his friend’s look and my nerves only grow stronger on my belly. 

“Well, Indigo, sit here next to me.” He grabs the chair next to his and brings it  closer to his until they’re touching and then he looks at me so I take a seat. “We usually check the list of the patients who are coming and read their clinical record before the visits begin, to be a little ahead, you know.” He smiles again. 

If he keeps smiling at me like that I might faint at some point today. He then turns towards the laptop and starts telling me about the patients, even though sometimes it feels like he’s more thinking out loud than talking to me. I should really listen, especially in case he feels like asking me questions during the day because I really do not want to look like an idiot but I could stare at him all I want now and he wouldn’t notice and I can’t let this chance go so if I have to look like an idiot I will. 

I let my eyes travel freely across his features. His hair is brown and is a little too long for a male who normally works on a surgery room. It’s not like it’s inappropriate or anything and it looks incredible on him and something tells me he knows that but it’s not usual that someone from his status wears their hair that long and that tousled. He asks something out loud but I know he’s not waiting for an answer because as soon as he asks it he searchs on the browser- and it’s not like I could have answered anyway. My mind is busy and the moment my eyes drop to his arm, flexed, elbow resting on the table, I could gulp just imagining those arms holding me against this very same desk and- what the fuck am I doing? 

I know he can’t hear what I think but I still have to remind myself that and I pray to God he does not turn around because I’m pretty sure I’m blushing. He’s wearing the hospital uniform, with the baby blue button up and the baby blue pants, but I entertain my mind trying to picture his naked torso. This is so wrong for the love of God, he’s my professor. I really need to chill. I feel like a dog in season. But this is just extraordinary, I am not usually around men this hot, and what’s the harm in daydreaming anyway? 

The moment my eyes move back up they stare into his amused ones and I feel my cheeks heating up so I get afraid I’m blushing. 

“You were awfully quiet.” He states, a somewhat smug grin on his face but I am not judging, I made it pretty easy for him to make fun of me. “Did you understand?”

“Mostly.” 

“Mostly, huh?” He smirks. “If there’s something I say that you don’t understand you just stop me, alright? Now, can you read an electrocardiogram?” 

“I should be able to.” 

He chuckles and places it one in front of me. I am getting embarrassingly exciting that he finds me funny but I have to bite back a smile of my own at his friendly attitude. 

“Go on then.” 

“Okay, first thing we need to look for P on II and V1.” I speak very slow so that I have time to think while I do so and judging by the way he’s smirking, he’s noticing. “And we see that we have indeed P waves, which is good, no auricular fibrilation then. And then we look for QRS and we check the frequency by counting and multiplying” I do the calculations on my mind “and it’s 75 hearbeats per minute, a little high but nothing to worry about, people tend to get nervous when we do electrocardiograms on them. And we check the dimensions of the waves, the height, the width... And I don’t know this looks pretty normal to me.” 

I dare to look at him and he’s smirking but it doesn’t look cocky to me, it’s more like a proud smile so I smile back, happy with myself. 

“Very good.” He smiles. “Just a little, tiny detail but you obviously don’t need to know that so don’t worry.” He stands up from his chair and stands right behind me and places his left hand on the desk in front of me so I can his chest hovering over me. His finger points a random P wave. “If you look closely at the P wave, does it look normal to you?” 

I swallow, quite frankly I don’t know if the P wave looks normal or not. I guess it doesn’t because otherwise he wouldn’t be asking that but why does he smell so good? And why is his arm hovering over my chest? This could be the moment I faint. 

“I know it’s not because that’s why you’re asking but I don’t see it.” 

He laughs again and even though it’s silly, I can’t help but wonder if he laughs this much with everyone. 

“It’s a little higher than normal, but it’s very subtle, it’s okay if you don’t see it yet and anyway it’s not that important.” He laughs again. “But it might indicate a right atrium hypertrophy. That’s for an A+ in cardiology.” He smiles before taking his seat back and opening a new record. 

“What year are you in?” He’s not looking at me while he asks that. 

“Fourth.” 

He nods his head but keeps quiet after that and I’m not sure why he even asked that but for some reason- it might be because his scent still lingers on my nostrils or because he just hovered over me or because he indirectly asked my age- I feel a strange tension over my shoulders so I ask him something I genuinely don’t know anyway about the patient’s record and he even grabs a paper to draw some shit and for some reason that’s turning me on. The way he speaks, so slow but without hesitation, he’s got a very calming voice, and how many things he knows and how smart he seems to be... I’ve always had a thing for intelligent guys and the fact that he’s also so close and smells so good is only adding to that. 

“Hi there.” 

A very tall man with a white hospital uniform walks in and gives us both a look before he takes a seat on the counter next to the stretcher. He must be the nurse. 

“So” He says, giving us his back as he types something on his laptop “who are you?” He turns to look at me. 

I find it a little rude, but I don’t know this man at all. He might just be one of those people who come out strong so I give him a smile. 

“I’m a fourth year med student. I have practice here today.” I explain. 

“I know that, I’m your mentor, doctor Hill, but what’s your name?” 

“Oh, sorry.” My tongue melts. “I mean Indigo, not sorry. My name’s not sorry.” 

I hear Harry laughing out loud behind me and doctor Hill smiles as well. I totally looked like an idiot but at least they seemed to have found it endearing. 

“Well, my name’s not sorry either.” Doctor Hill said. “You can call me Peter, Indigo.” 

“Okay, Peter.” 

“I see you’ve already met my resident doctor, doctor Styles.” 

I nod my head. 

“Cool, so now that we all know each other... Harry, who’s the first one?” 

Like that we start visiting the patients and for the first time since I started my hospital practice, I actually have fun during one of them. Both Peter and Harry are quite funny, even though they do tease me a lot, but they also allow me to do a lot of things like weighting the patients, checking their blood pleasures and Harry even lets me do a clinical interview, under his watch obviously, but it was still exciting. The lady I did the interview to was so nice and I could feel Harry’s attentive stare with a proud, amused smile the entire time, even the lady smiled every time she looked at him. 

After about three hours of visits, Peter stands up from his chair next to mine and stretches his back. 

“So Harry, I think I’m gonna go to the surgery rooms to give a hand.” He states and my heart drops to my belly at the anticipation that he’s gonna make me go with him and my day with Harry is over. “What do you want to do, Indigo?” I hold my breath at the surprise. “Do you wanna come with me or stay here with Harry? Well, that’s if Harry doesn’t mind but I think he doesn’t.” He smirks. 

“No, of course not. It’s actually nice to have a nurse around.” He smiles. 

“I think I’m gonna stay then if that’s okay.” 

Peter nods and smiles. 

“Do you prefer visits over surgery room or you just prefer doctor Styles over me?” 

I see Harry shaking his head from the corner of my eye and look down at my hands. 

HARRY’S POV

“Sorry” I call Indigo with the nickname she gave herself and she raises her eyebrows “would you please call the next patient? Mrs Hope.” 

“Good name.” 

I cannot not smile. She stands up from her chair and I entertain my eyes with the laptop screen just to pretend I’m not watching her all the time. I think I’ve managed to rebuild my reputation from how much of a fool of myself I made when I introduced myself to her but it just took me off guard. I wasn’t expecing to have a student around at all, much less that the student was going to look like her. 

I’m also done with feeling guilty for thinking about her  that way, even though now I’m starting to feel guilty for not feeling guilty, but I can’t control my mind and I don’t think anyone who’s seen her could judge me. Plus, she can’t know what I’m thinking. Even Mario flirted with her this morning...

But no, I don’t want to make her feel uncomfortable or to take advantage of my position at all. She came here to learn and I really need to stop looking at her thighs. She closes the door after Mr Copper and I feel the hair at the back of my neck bristle when I see the way he looks at her. 

“Good morning, doctor.” He greets me. “You’re very lucky you have such a beautiful assistant.” 

Sorry smiles but her shoulders have tensed and even though I’ve only known her for a few hours, I can tell when someone’s uncomfortable and I know she is. I don’t blame her either. I reckon I’d be uncomfortable too. 

“She’s also very smart too. That’s why she’s here actually.” 

I don’t want to be rude with my patient but for some reason I felt like I had to protect her. I catch her trying not to smile looking at her thighs and I try not to smile too. We do Mr Copper’s visit and she starts scribbling on her notepad and I have to help myself from peeking at the questions she’s going to make. I wonder if what she’s written down if that she has noticed Mr Copper jugular. 

When Mr Copper walks out, I turn to look at her and smile. Again. 

“Thank you.” She says. 

“What for?” I frown. 

“You know, for what you said.” Her eyes stare into mine and I try to figure out what is it about this girl that’s making me nervous. “Most guys don’t even understand why some compliments make us feel uncomfortable.” 

I smile at her. I hope she knows she really is beautiful and I mean I can understand Mr Copper and had he said that any other way or had he not looked at her like he did right before, I wouldn’t have said anything and I’m sure she wouldn’t have felt uncomfortable but it was just inappropriate. 

“It’s true though.” 

I’m already a sucker for her smile. Thank God I am not going to see her again. 

“Do you have any questions for me?” 

“Mmm...” She bites her bottom lip. 

I’ve noticed she does that when she’s not sure of something. I like it. She has very beautiful lips too, so full and pink and moisturized. Look back into her eyes, Harry. 

“I’ve seen you scribbling like crazy.” I encourage her. 

I want her to ask me whatever it is that’s going through her mind. 

“No, well, I was describing his jugular.” 

I feel my dick as soon as she said that. So she noticed. She’s fucking smart and that’s a turn on. 

“So that I would remember what I saw, you know?” 

I nod. 

“Do I have to give you a mark or just sign your assistance?” 

“Just sign.” She shakes her head. 

“Shit. Well, you got an A anyway.” 

She grins excitedly and I want to ask her how old she is again but I turn around and open the next record. This is the last one left and it’s the first time since I started working I don’t want to finish visiting, but when we are done she’ll go and I’ll never see her again. 

I swear I’m trying not to feel attracted to her. I know it’s wrong but if I’m not going to see her again, I mean if she’s just going to leave now and I’ll never have to supervise her practice again, I could ask for her phone number, right? I mean I’m not a professor like Danny. It’s not technically prohibited. But she would feel pressured. I can’t do that. 

“Actually, Harry” her voice cracks a little and I want to look at her but I know she’s nervous so I don’t “I do have a question. Can I ask you something?” 

“Anything, Sorry.” 

“It... It has nothing to do with the practice, though.” 

“It doesn’t?” Now this is interesting. 

I finally turn my body towards her so that I’m facing her and encourage her to ask me. If she asks for my number I’ll give it to her, but I don’t think she will. 

“Mmm... Can I ask how old are you?” 

I don’t want to tell her and that’s when I notice all my attempts at trying not to be attracted to her have failed. Her skin is so soft and she smells so good, like sweet vanilla, I bet she tastes sweet too. Fuck, I’m doing it again and I’m looking at her breasts. Fuck me. 

“I’m 27.” 

She smiles and I don’t know what that means. I want to ask her but we need to call the last patient. 

“Miss Asvenson.” I smile. 

She nods and stands up from her chair but before she opens the door I ask her. 

“And you?” 

We look into each other’s eyes and I think we both know why we’re asking. She smiles. 

“21.” 

I nod. She’s legal everywhere in the world. 

[dansedan]

I had a real shit time of things and listened to a lot of old mountain goats and then proceeded to draft an overly-ambitious multi year plotline for buddy cops wherein I just skipped to the end and wrote it because I wanted to write a bitterweet/romantic/repressed/familial car ride because that’s what old Mountain Goats makes me wanna do!!! So. Halia and Conolly driving home from the hospital two years and over 1500km after their first meeting in that hotel room. Under the cut.

They were going 50 on a hillside highway, and Halia was a surprisingly bad driver. Unsure, stressed out- he was clenching his jaw and his shoulders something awful, like that car was no machine and instead some feral animal he had to handle like a rowdy stallion, with a sure and even hand. If the car had been an animal, it might’ve smelt his fear- Jay practically could.

The view outside was bright and muted, the sopped-up greens of the far-from-finest North Dakota flora and the mid-autumn sky in the afternoon. Hazy, warm-hot-chilly wind blowing outside the heated leather of the car. Halia was unsurprisingly bad at handling the winter, even after years in the Midwest. Made for finer weather, that hidden expanse of real, living skin he so loved the fleeting glimpses of- dark, sure. He felt like he could reach over the console and kiss the tension out of the thin knuckles of his hands- supposed he was still mostly delirious from the medicine and the long, long sleep, and even in a more normal circumstance he would’ve been just as impolite about the staring.

“-did it feel? Did you hear anything, or something-- Jay?”

Distracted, he’d missed most of his question. But he caught the tone- soft, hoarse, uncomfortable. Jay supposed this was just about status quo with him, maybe even more so now.

“sorry, what’d you say?”

Halia didn’t look away from the road (the empty road, not even half-deserving of that title, almost a mud-paved streak of hilly land) but his eyes creased in forbidding concern. The edges of them were dark, sunken in somehow. There was a dark bruise on the underside of his jaw, too, under the thin layer of un-styled stubble.

“are you feeling drowsy? Try to keep awake, the doctor said-“

“no, no,” he reassured him. “was just distracted.”

The concern didn’t leave his face. Neither did the bruise- half-brown by now, almost a scar.

“I was asking what it felt like. The coma.”

Halia said he had a terrible bedside manner. Jay always thought it suited him just fine like this.

“like a real bad sleep, doctor. Like a real bad, sticky sleep with crappy noises.”

“So you could hear at times?”

He paused to contemplate it. The whole experience was difficult to recall, right now, maybe everything was.

“not anything exciting. Just grating noises and no meaning,” he smiled a little, tired, optimistic. “certainly no ‘Jacques, I love you please wake up, oh please do’ “

Halia didn’t grace him with an answer to that. “did it feel like a long time?” it was alright though. That had been what he’d expected- a bit less tooth-gritting from the poor kid, a small assurance he was well enough to joke about it.

“not really. Did It for you?”

Heaven help us—that strained expression of his right back on his face, not new but unfamiliar. Two years of deaths and somehow this sleep was what brought the grief out.

“very,” he said, even softer. “For a lot of reasons, very.”

“long enough that Ernst can’t possibly want to kill me anymore about it?”

And Halia breathes out and that’s close enough to almost a laugh from him. He can breathe again- fifty years of misery and somehow these scowls are what bring the reconciliation out.

“no, he absolutely fucking wants to kill you—why else would we be on a drive right now?”

“ah, so it’s a getaway? You’re gonna whisk me off to some tax haven under a secret identity, doc? Cause I want a say in just where we’re eloping.”

“Of course. How about Indonesia?”

“…they do tax haven-ing down there?”

“god if I know.”

“I thought you had a doctorate, Halia, what the hell do you mean you don’t know?”

“I have an MD, not a PhD. Didn’t you study history?”

“American history, Halia. Union army shit.”

“so no Indonesian tax havens, huh,” he whistles lightly. His knuckles are looser now, rolled like claws on the steering wheel. “Suppose we’ll just have to go get the groceries instead.”

Even smiling, even joking, their voices stay down, soft. They were alone for miles and almost whispering, like kids. Like they were sneaking off with something holy under the junkheap cover of the tin-can car making its shivery way through the alders.

Even the silence, now, was just a touch sparkling. Overheated, cramped into a crappy car and half-high on some cocktail of painkillers and five months’ sobriety, somehow he still felt something glowing from his gut about this, about a road in some nowhere state and the kid deadpanning next to him, no-one’s lives or murders resting in his hands for the first time in three decades.

“what’s the first thing you thought about,” not a question- hardly a statement. Nervy and too-quick and quiet. “when you woke up, I mean.”

I’d wanted to kiss you-

I’d wanted to die- I thought I had, somehow-

I didn’t think of anything-

It was so bright, loud too, white walls and-

Schaffer, if he’d made it, if he hated me- if he’d tried to-

About my daughter, in a plot in Tallahassee under a gravestone with one year on it alone, I never told you of her-

What the weather might’ve been the last few days, the guys at the logging company, my new job-

New like your wrinkles, when I saw them, new like nameless flowers undiscovered- god I wanted- god- god help us- maybe I should’ve stayed an altar boy, a priest-

“I thought about the herons.”

Halia barely nodded. He wanted to hear this- he would hear this for him.

“Down in Texas, Tiger-herons, when I was a kid,” he’s breathing too hard. He almost doesn’t feel sober- he hasn’t lied in months, maybe a year, he’s always hated lying. “god, I mean, they’re beautiful- they are, they’ve got these giant wingspans, gray and striped and almost garish, for a sea bird- but they’re classified as, vagrants, right? Vagrants- animals- are like, hmm, when they appear real far away from where they’re s’possed to be, you know?” he’s skipping into the accent now, god he is bad at this. “they’re actually from Mexico, but they get everywhere- they get all over the place in America. Not just America like, well here but like, y’know—America.” He could almost not hear over the beating of his heart right now. He couldn’t look at Halia. He couldn’t decide if he feared or desired the heart attack he thought was coming on with it. He didn’t stop. “I was wondering- when I woke up I was thinking if they’ve ever been in North Dakota. If I’d ever see one again, living here, at some point, you know? After moving. I never saw one in Missouri, but Dakota… Before- Before dying in Dakota I could…”

Halia’s hand was on his. It was shaking- he was still trying to drive with his left hand, he was still looking forward, too scared not to look forward, too scared to stop- but his hand was on top of his. Warm brown on creased, pallid white, thrown over each other, warm and wet and trembling.

He doesn’t dare to hold it, but he prays. He prays a thank you, prays a silent thank you. To the vagrant Herons in the mountains and the U-Haul company and crystal meth and the State Traffic Accident Reporting System and his useless degree and his taste for smooth jazz in his second year of college for getting him to this moment. To Halia, for almost letting him kill himself in the line of action, and to Ernst for letting him give it a second try as a civilian once that plan fell through, and to both of them making him live long enough to regret it. To the smell of fear and the taste of lies and Indonesia, whether or not it was a tax haven.

And to the winter sun two years ago, for such an accurate prognosis. To heaven, from its worst creation and its favorite child.

Amen, Amen, and thank you.

[the-firebird69]

Watch "Hulk (2003) - Opening Scene (HD)" on YouTube

And ends up murdering her yes. And it was the past and it is what happened but you don't understand why he ended up doing it it's because she did not want to leave and would not let him leave and you don't understand that she was on drugs and he knew about it he grabbed her and screw in the trunk that's what happened. It says this what's so urgent it's not a radiation overload they're going to detonate a bomb and it will be a radioactive bomb and they want to blame it on you it doesn't work but you can't really talk about it especially over the next few days and he goes so he moved to move his people out and we wear and they're talking about it and he went to his and told them and he escaped and she got revived and they're a little bit of radiated but not much it's cuz they're taking medicine and had radiation and I couldn't sick so they start laughing it would be a little better at it and they followed it but if you look at the houses when he's driving the car it's the same roof and it's pretty much the same size it's been trimmed down a little and on a certain side of the house and we say it's the back because it is and that makes the roofs look square and really not as steeper on the back it's hard to tell it looks weird. And these are wood frame walls but radiation doesn't stay in if there's even a little infiltration it's more like a gas it does go into objects and sits there for a long time but the half-life of radiation from a bomb is only about 15 years and recently found out that it takes only about 10 years or less and mostly everything is not radiated again the only thing that stays in or things that are made out of like pure carbon and we'll still his house is removed and replaced except for the stove and the overhead fan and those are not radioactive anymore for some reason it's really usually are a little hot but red practically nothing I wonder why and we tested one when you heat it up it gets a little radioactive but not a gas and it goes down it's not heated up for 20 times in the radiation is gone permanently but has to hit up very hot this doesn't have any left in it and it didn't before next door there might be a little but not much but your irradiated food and your food and getting sick. But Dave and Trump have new ones cuz they do but and I think that he's getting sick from it but his is clear for the most part really that's always going to be some it's not much and boiling stuff with salt and stuff makes it so it doesn't do anything are you cook it in the stove and it might be a radiator though that really what he's white riding the bicycle around to get some more radiation then he would from cooking in the stove all year now but maybe for a month. Just right one day and that's what it is and he wanted to show you and we did too is looking at it and he was horrified and she said it I didn't say anything try to get him out of there

In those apartments were ready to the nuclear plants at Hiroshima and there's some left no but things are falling apart all the time and the woods week it's a piece of junk and it's historical monument that they keep mangling and we want them to stop and it is morlock

What this means is that you guys are being messed around with and still it also means that you're messing around with people back in a way that's kind of weird and that really productive and you're being messed around with by Tommy f and some foreigners and it's horrible this is probably the worst I've seen you put them in this place and it's not that great and is not getting a radiated even by the stove and stuff and really that thing's for you abbreviation it's been years many years of use 40 years old 50 years or he says so much it's a lot more almost 80 or 90 years or something of being on full blast and it's cooked out and there's some items in there that might be but it's rebar and things like that and mostly it's deteriorated but the house is not extremely strong although it was built by his plan and it won't come apart it's only rated for like 200 mph winds and they're a couple guts there and it will wear some everybody wants him out now

Thor Freya

We're up in arms about it and we want them out and we knew about it and wanted him out then and just saying stuff with it all the time and it's coded and it's both Max and warlock and it's because of Tommy f and it's going on all the time and that guy is a menace

Frank Castle hardcastle

Were gonna nuke Tommy f you're such a jerk and you're losing and getting puddled by these people that you've been on all the time. They also know he has resistance but there's no radiation in the house it's 15 years ago now 75 years ago now it's more than that. It's the code really and it's the stigma and more things like that and you keep doing it to him and you're going to pay and these people wanting to pay too and the more like you're thinking of code out right now and yeah it was Trump and his son and his wife and daughter and he killed them both and put them in the car and just grabs the Sun. He's leaving crying Austin he said you're a suspects in a murder case he has mouth tape s*** he revived them he showed him it's a bomb and saved you from a bomb I didn't tell her to do that but he had to but she didn't want you to die this is what the hell it's so easy it goes over there it's going to die from radiation and I said it's like this as president everywhere and I said oh like a cloud such a special cloud very far miles and miles and yes it's a chemical reaction and he was working on trying to get resistance to radiation exposure because that's what they wanted him to do before you died or not and to blame him for what happens is this overloads of machines which doesn't really do anything and they skipped it though they accidentally said it's supposed to but it doesn't really it's like containment is not an explosion it's called the Trinity test you can't talk about it until you hear about Japan. And they were free from it after and they said this is terrible and it's really really actually top secret you know people know who I am. They went around for years knowing he saved him and now they can't help but to do it and finally figured it out and he can't stop it and he needs to go to the matrix and they don't seem to want to

Thor Freya

[thetriggeredhappy]

Okay so that last one with scout losing snipes broke my heart into a zillion pieces so... What if sniper never died? Maybe he was badly hurt and is hiding somewhere... -🐑

i really like how you people keep doing this thing where you’re like “hey what if you ripped my whole heart out and stomped on it” then i do because you literally asked and you're all “owie :( ouch owie :( can i have a band-aid now” like it’s funny every time

(warnings for mention of firearms and discussion of severe life-threatening injury)

-

His contract expired.

Somewhere along the line—wonder when?—apparently his work had gotten ‘sloppy’. He’d gotten ‘erratic’. So six years after what all happened, when his contract was up to be renewed, Miss Pauling gently urged him to let it expire and to just head home.

It wasn’t like he had a good reason not to. He didn’t particularly get along with any of the team (anymore). A few of them had come and gone—Pyro apparently got reassigned somewhere and was gone overnight, and at some point Demo decided to leave mercenary work altogether to get a real, proper, legally sound job somewhere. Both of them had been replaced.

Their new Sniper wasn’t as polite as—

She was even more of a recluse, although she got along alright with Heavy sometimes. She was also Russian, which probably helped. And Scout felt a little bad about how much he hated her. She couldn’t help what happened. It wasn’t her fault. She was just picking up the baton on this job. Someone had to do it.

Mostly he just ended up avoiding her. And everyone else.

Exactly once he’d tried to take up dating again. Someone had gotten particularly sweet when he was out at a bar, and they’d flirted for a little while, then they’d suggested they both head somewhere else, and that they had a car if he wanted to—

He quietly stammered his way through a refusal. The vague guilt and unease reached a head the second he thought about getting in a car.

He’d needed to sell his car and get a motorcycle instead, at some point. The idea of getting in a vehicle had become an irrational fear, after he’d seen a picture of the wreckage, smelled the acrid smoke on the salvaged belongings.

That was one reason he took a plane home and had all his stuff shipped separately.

That meant that it was a few days of wearing only his old clothes when he got back, waiting for the rest to show up. And those were a little hard to squeeze into, he’d really been a lanky fuck before he became a mercenary.

The only thing he had at home that fit right was the suit, left there hanging in his closet to get eaten by moths.

The suit and the boxes of things were all shoved into the far side of his closet, and they stayed that way. He felt like maybe he wouldn’t ever be ready to look at them again, and in the meantime, they just made him feel guilty.

For the first two months after he got off work, he didn’t really do much. He stayed home, stayed out of trouble. Put his things away, sorted through what he wanted to keep and what he could just get rid of, either selling it or scrapping it if it was just kinda garbage. He tried to catch up with his brothers a little bit, the ones left in Boston still, but he didn’t get very far, feeling weird and disconnected.

After two months, he finally felt bad about Ma constantly tip-toeing around the topic of employment or hobbies (not that he needed to worry about those—he had enough money saved to not worry about much of anything until he was like, eighty), and he started trying to look for work, or maybe just something to keep him busy. For a month or so he looked into becoming a bartender, but the hours were a little weird. He thought about trying to get into doing baseball on some professional level, but he was getting a little old to be going into it for the first time since his late teens and early twenties. He very briefly looked into doing the cartoons for the newspaper—he was pretty good at art by then—before he found out they would require some amount of actual schooling for it.

So he ended up latching onto that, and started heading to the library five or six days a week to spend a few hours there studying to get his GED. His Ma supported him wholeheartedly on it, and got around to telling him, about a month into his new routine, that she was really glad he found something to do, something he wanted, that he’d just seemed so miserable, before, waiting around for something to happen.

Maybe she was right. He was waiting around for something to happen. He got the speech from Miss P—“ten years following your departure from the team, you and anyone nearby you will be kept in the system, and if there’s anyone who tries to bring you harm we’ll catch them before they can, and here’s a phone number to call if anything suspicious happens that you want looked into”. To him, that meant “someone might try and kill you”. So he did stay strapped when he went places, looked over his shoulder, kept an eye on doors and other potential exits.

So when he got back from the library one day and saw a car parked out in front of the house, at least he was prepared.

He thought fast. Kept driving past the house and parked a little ways down the block—he could drive the bike back later, it didn’t matter. He unlocked the door as quietly as he could, pushed it open with his shoulder, pistol drawn and cocked, falling back into old habits maybe a little too easily considering he hadn’t been a mercenary for almost a year and a half.

Voices from the living room—not from the TV, and not Ma on the phone, because he could also hear the TV, and there was a commercial playing that he recognized, one that didn’t involve Ma and a second, much deeper voice.

He steadied his hands, rolled his shoulders, and stepped into the room, leveling his gun directly at the head of the person within.

First he took stock of the fact that Ma was indeed there, sitting on the couch, looking relatively relaxed and entirely unharmed, if surprised to see him there and also with a gun. Then he took stock of the room, saw that there was only one other person here, the one he was pointing a gun at, the one who had slowly raised his hands up to either side of his head. Potentially unarmed, it was hard to tell with his baggy jacket—

Wait a minute.

Scout frowned, squinted, looking over his face a little more closely as realization started creeping into view.

He tried to imagine, for a second. What exactly would seven years do to a guy?

Maybe he’d end up with his hair growing out a lot longer, from close-cut to hanging down around his ears. Maybe with a beard, relatively clean but still a bit messy in some ways. Maybe he’d get new clothes, his eyes would sink a little bit more, would start to crinkle at the corners. More freckles, more spots maybe. Aged, scarred. Maybe he’d be wearing glasses. Maybe, despite all of that, he wouldn’t look all that different at all.

“...’llo, Bilby,” Sniper said quietly, hopefully, voice rough, and maybe he meant to say more, but he didn’t get the chance, because Scout lowered his gun, marched three steps forward, and slapped him clear across the face.

It was a hefty slap. The smack noise was practically ringing, and his hand stung like a bitch, and he’d hit him hard enough to knock his glasses off to clatter across the floor, and his head snapped back at the force of it, and the noise he made was satisfyingly pained.

“Right. Probably deserve that,” he croaked, and maybe he meant to say more, but he didn’t get the chance, because Scout tucked back away his gun, grabbed Sniper by the sides of his head, and kissed him square on the mouth.

It was a hard kiss, hard enough that he got Sniper to do that thing where he made an undignified little squeaky noise of surprise, caught off guard by it. He only melted forward for a second or two before Scout was pulling back away again.

“You fucking piece of shit son of a bitch cunt I’m gonna fucking kill you,” Scout practically snarled.

“Jeremy,” his Ma admonished from the couch.

“He’s right,” Sniper said weakly.

“I’m gonna kill you,” Scout insisted, just as fiercely. “What the fuck happened to you?!”

“There was a—“ Sniper started explaining, but Scout cut him off.

“Car bomb between 2:45 and 2:50 PM twenty minutes away from the nearest city limits,” he listed off, “I know that, but what—seven fucking years, Snipes!”

“I know,” Sniper said, voice flimsy. “First two years were recovery and physical therapy, next four were trying to get legal papers and apply for a visa to get back into the States again.”

“That bad?” Scout asked, still angry but faltering.

“Needed reconstructive surgery on... most of the left side of my body. Lost some teeth,” he said, and tugged his lip back on one side to show him where three teeth, the three behind the canines, were a slightly different color, then dropped his hand again. “Plenty of scars. Might be, er... missing a lot of those freckles you liked. And... voice comes and goes sometimes. But, Australian miracle medicine, I’m much better than I was.”

“You grew your hair out,” Scout noted next, carding his hands up through it.

Sniper laughed. “Lost half my teeth and needed a new coat of paint on the whole left of me, and you’re worried about my hair?” he chided.

“It’s just new, thought you hated it getting long,” Scout shrugged.

“Y’know,” his Ma said, sounding all too amused by the proceedings, approaching with Sniper’s glasses and handing them over to him, “you’re lucky you showed me those pictures all those years ago, Jeremy. Otherwise, strange guy shows up at our door askin’ about your work name and all, I would’a started blasting.”

She nodded meaningfully towards the table beside the couch, and Scout saw that indeed she had a gun there, taken from its place where he kept it stashed by the door as a “just in case”.

“Thanks, Ma,” he said, smiling a little.

“No problem, sweetheart,” she said, and patted him on the arm. She glanced between him and Sniper and scooped up the firearm from the table. “I’ll just go put this away,” she said, and left the two of them alone.

“Would’ve been easier to track you down if you’d given me more to go on than ‘southern Boston’,” Sniper said, eyebrows rising. “And if I didn’t need to be so careful about how I asked.”

“Huh?”

Sniper’s expression fell a little, and he raised his hand to fix his hair where Scout had mussed it up. “Look, you know the rules. Employer keeps an eye out for us for years after we leave. That means if I asked through my usual methods of tracking people down, that’d send up flashing red lights somewhere. So I... needed to take extra precautions.”

“Miss P told me they took care of the guys that tried to kill you,” Scout said, frowning.

“I went off radar for almost two years without official leave,” Sniper murmured. “And it wasn’t on purpose, but I don’t think they’d believe that. They might try and kill me if they find out I’m still alive. I’m a loose end.”

Scout’s heart dropped.

“Only cut it close once,” Sniper said, gaze falling. “But that was enough for Miss Pauling to get in contact with me, to try to talk to me. I... I told her I’m done, I’m out of mercenary work, and... just as a precaution I have to do a few things now. Check in on the regular. I wear this,” he said, pushing his sleeve up to show off a bulky device on his wrist, bigger than a watch. “It’s tracker. Makes sure I’m only in the places I say I’m going. Had to get a visa by myself, get transportation by myself, and it cut my protection time in half so now I’ve had to hire on someone to guard my parents and keep them safe, but now she’ll keep it secret that I’m alive. They’ll stop looking for me in two years, and if by then I’m still playing by the rules, I’m free. Back to normal life.”

“She said it was okay that you be here?” Scout asked. “In the same city as me? She wasn’t worried about that?”

“Told her why I was coming here,” Sniper shrugged.

“And what’d you tell her?” Scout asked softly.

They looked at each other.

“I... didn’t want to assume,” Sniper said quietly, carefully, looking over his face. “That you’d... I, I understand if you’ve moved on. Seven years, declared dead—“

“I didn’t,” Scout said just as quietly.

Sniper gave a breathless little laugh, cupping his face. “Bilby, I told you to,” he tried.

“Well, so-rry,” Scout said next, throat a little tight, hands on his hips, “Mister—Mister Legally Dead. Sorry I didn’t jump into speed dating the second I got the news. What, you—you wanted me to have kids by now?”

“Wouldn’t blame you,” Sniper shrugged, and kissed him, and pulled back away. “But... I’m glad you didn’t.”

“Well I’m glad you’re glad,” Scout mumbled, and kissed him, and pulled back away. “So...?”

Sniper was smiling, wide and unashamed. “So one day at a time,” he said quietly. “We can talk about it more in a bit. First, mind if I use your phone?”

“Why?”

“Meant to call in to check with Pauling in—“ He glanced around to find the clock in the room. “—three minutes or so. And... I ought to tell her I’ve made progress. And... that we’re sorting out details. Might call you over to talk to her too.”

“Yeah, go ahead. Hallway by the kitchen,” Scout directed, and kissed him again, and again, and again, until Sniper urged him down and off before he was late calling in.

He found himself in the kitchen, looking out the window. Ma was unloading the dishwasher and humming. In the hallway, the sound of talking, long pauses, more talking.

“He seems nice,” Ma said quietly, and shot Scout a smile, and Scout smiled too.

“He was—is,” he corrected quickly, flinching a little bit.

“How you feelin’?” Ma asked.

Scout looked down, crossed his arms over himself. “Y’know how in movies there’s that bit people do, all “feels too good to be true” or whatever?”

“Uh huh.”

“Kinda the opposite. It feels... like him being gone wasn’t real. And now stuff is real again.”

“Like you woke up?”

“...Yeah. Yeah, exactly,” Scout confirmed.

“I could tell,” Ma admitted, and stretched to reach the cabinet to put things away once they were good and dry. “Been a zombie since you got back, seems like maybe you’ve been a zombie for a while.”

Scout moved over to help, taking the dishes that belonged in the higher shelves and starting to put those away. “Sheesh, was I seriously that obvious?”

“It was pretty bad.”

“...Is that, like... normal? Or... healthy?” Scout asked carefully.

Ma laughed. “Sweetheart, how should I know?”

“But you know, like, everything.”

Ma pinched him on the cheek at the compliment and he squawked a complaint, and she laughed.

“I don’t know if it’s healthy,” she finally replied. “And... maybe it’s not about whether it’s healthy. Maybe... it’s just one step. And, hey, it worked out, didn’t it?”

“Yeah,” he agreed, and smiled. “Yeah, it did.”

“Bilby,” Sniper called, leaning in to look through the door to the kitchen, phone cord visibly all stretched out. “Wants to talk to you.”

Miss Pauling ran through a brief check to make sure he was indeed Scout, then asked a series of questions. Whether he felt safe with being around Sniper on the regular. Whether Sniper would be staying with him on the regular, and the fact that instead of extending security to cover him, she’d need to just go more lax on Scout’s security to make sure Sniper wasn’t found out.

He was fine with that. All of that.

After the phone call, after a few more questions, he dragged Sniper upstairs and flung open the door to his closet, digging through the dusty old boxes with purpose. Then he was pulling out an item and shoving it directly into Sniper’s chest.

Sniper put his hat back on, and Scout couldn’t help but yank him down into another kiss at the wave of nostalgia and familiarity as Sniper nudged his glasses up and looked at him and asked if it was on crooked, the same way he’d said a hundred times before, a hundred years ago.

And, hopefully, he’d say it a billion more times, for a billion more years. Scout would make sure of it.