#like you really expect me to have a healthy level of SE when all you do is call me a failure etc?

[travelling-on-the-octopath]

s i hope i'm not being presumptuous here but. i would like to hear your sylvain/seteth brainworms

MY AGENDA. IT'S WORKING.

Okay okay okay. Hear me out: (un)stoppable force v. immovable object, Sylvain being the former. Which isn't to say Seteth is a rigid stick in the mud--he can't be for this to work. Only that living for so long means his constant state (i.e. the thing he can't be moved from) is one of at least some adaptability. In other words: we have a volatile force who can (and does) at one point change for the better, and an object that's essentially a stalk of bamboo in the breeze.

The potentials here are endless.

I have another post somewhere in my blog about Setvain, but that's mainly pertaining to a blurb I had about them in Princes (in which they will not, unfortunately, be getting together). But I think Crests would invite a very interesting friction between them. Sylvain has a disdain for Crests that never really goes away. Seteth is one of the few people left in this world who understands what Crests are. And, as far as I'm concerned, Sylvain's attitude reminds him of how he felt when his people were first brutalized. To see the remnants of your family paraded around like trophies and lauded as blessings--I don't think the hurt that comes from that ever truly goes away. But once it's been done, it's done. You cannot strip Crests away from Fódlani society in one fell swoop without being utterly and indisputably morally bankrupt (read: dabbling in eugenics or creating a new social system wherein the Crested are on the bottom).

ANYWAY. Tangent over. Seteth has had time to come to this conclusion. Even if it'll never be true peace of mind, it's peaceful. The truth of the matter is that Sylvain has a Crest, and it is of value. I think Seteth is the perfect person to help him come to terms with that, given that Sylvain has a very nasty habit of objectifying himself, either as a son or potential spouse.

On the other hand, Sylvain has a very interesting and, dare I say healthy, relationship with duty. At least by the end of the game.

We're introduced to Sylvain as someone who's acting diametrically oppositional to how he knows he'll need to act in the future--but he never lets it affect him long-term. He enjoys himself (even if this enjoyment is debatably a method of emotional self-harm, given it feeds into his self-objectification), but when shit gets real he's one of the first to be on top of it. He's emotionally intelligent, even if it takes a while for him to become emotionally mature, and that informs a lot of his more level-headed beliefs. In this instance, when it comes to accepting the reality of the situation ("I'm gonna be margrave one day, might as well party-hardy while I can"), he's swapped places with Seteth.

Because Seteth has his own unrealistic ways about walking through the world, and they all boil down to Flayn.

Though not informed by nothing (see: that oft-forgotten genocide before the start of the game), he is incredibly, unhealthily protective of Flayn. I would argue he is unrealistically protective, the same way Sylvain has unrealistic expectations of women. Yes, some people are going to act the way you fear they will, but to let that inform every single decision you make in this one area of your life--flirting with someone or raising your daughter, for example--is to take the long route of shooting yourself in the foot. You become a self-fulfilling prophecy. You act as though women will treat you like meat, and so you're likely to attract those same women; you have been proven right. In Seteth's case it's more like confirmation bias, where he feared the worst and close to the worst happened, so all of his previous behaviours have been justified--though credit where credit is due, he does send Flayn to school in the interest of self-defence. (Emotional growth and human interaction being bonuses, I guess.)

Seteth does not need advice on how to raise his daughter, per se, but I think the input of someone who was raised with more weighty expectations placed upon him than he has fingers and toes would mean something. And depending on WHEN in canon we're talking about, this can take on different tones. Pre- any sort of relationship, before the kidnapping, and Seteth has actually managed to corner Sylvain and foist advice onto him? Sylvain would passive-aggressively offer advice he genuinely believed in pertaining to how Seteth managed his younger sister. Post-kidnapping, and perhaps a one- or two-night stand for stress relief on either end? Sylvain would be more earnest and serious in reminding Seteth he is not the goddess and couldn't have possibly done anything differently--not without making her hate him indefinitely for keeping her cooped up in a tower a la Rapunzel like he very clearly has the urge to at times. If he worded it specifically that way, I think Seteth would have perhaps a more volatile reaction--because while he isn't the goddess, he is her kin, and if the world were different he would have been able to use that truth of him to protect her more thoroughly.

So we now have two men who have been irreversibly altered by the world, in a way that allows them to offer a different, calmer perspective on the facts at hand, while at the same time giving them emotional blindspots that are perfectly in the field of vision of the other. We have the basis of what so profoundly intrigues me about them. Which leads me to my next and final statement:

I just think DDILF (dragon dad i'd like to fuck) dick would fix him <3 or at least calm him down a bit.

[1000punks]

mask and midnight for festé, roiben, and janus?

mask: Does your OC wear a mask, literally or figuratively? What goes on beneath it? Is there anyone in their life who gets to see who they are under the mask?

for festé i think their mask really is the calm stoicism, and the tendency because of past experiences to keep people at arm's reach. they seem warm but it doesn't quite reach their eyes, as it were. inside, it's a lot of constant rationalization for things that do actually hurt them. for example, the post-araj confession with astarion? hurt. being called a complication in that way? hurt. but for fear of upsetting him, they kept it to themself. to a certain extent, the two people they don't feel like they have to fully hide from are astarion and mordren - but even then, they're not the first person to admit to being hurt or vulnerable in any regard.

for roiben, the mask is vengeance and anger. his way of dealing with the whole of faerûn's problems was to kill (almost) everyone. he can't quantify empathy even though he really wants to, deep down. the only people he felt empathetic towards (to an extent) are gale, astarion, shadowheart, and lae'zel. all of them were easily swayed and corrupted, however. >.> along with that, the first person he loved(? if you can call it that) was astarion. something something everything i touch turns to ashes, something something self-fulfilling prophecy, and here we are. roiben does actually love astarion, but because he's so emotionally immature, he would rather bring him down to his level than rise up and admit it. in his case, i don't think anyone is allowed to see behind the mask. yet. <.<

in janus' case? their mask is their kindness (a lot like festé but with a healthy amount of "nobody is allowed to know how tragic my backstory really was" a la halsin). to compare, i think janus is a lot more mature (debatable because ... *) about their kindness, and doesn't deal with it by keeping people at arm's reach, per se, but truly cares about making sure nobody is suffering in any way (and not being mean just for the sake of being mean). let me take your pain away, i'll do anything i can do for you! i can see them sharing this vulnerability with gale around the same time he shares with them about the extent of emotional damage he's suffered from the orb and mystra. after letting gale's story breathe for a few days, of course. *node context: janus is a functioning alcoholic but their use has significantly lessened since 1. losing their memories and 2. since they've been on the road to baldur's gate.

midnight: What keeps your OC up at night? Do they have nightmares? Fears? Anxieties? What do they do in the small hours of the morning when they should be sleeping?

in festé's case, it's the future. they're really tense about the fact that they are in love with someone who is immortal, when they aren't. the fact that they'll die and leave someone behind, best case scenario. not only that but the first person to love them for exactly who they are? hoo boy. they have to try not to think about it by focusing on a project in front of them. one, as i've explored in bonding., is sharpening their weapons, but i think others would be going for walks, moving around, cooking, gardening; things that keep them busy and require skill and effort for sure. it's hard to sneak away from your vampire elf husband though, so imagine astarion finding them in the kitchen baking bread and calmly guiding them back to bed with gentle admonishment.

roiben? the fact (well, he believes it's a fact) that he'll never be able to just... rest. it feels like everywhere he turns there's some sort of expectation on him whether from the gods above, below, or the earthly sort. he balked when thinking about how astarion wanted to keep him forever. he balked when he thought of serving bhaal for the rest of his life. he'll balk when he's fucking resurrected from purgatory and i think the both of those things are the reason he chose the ending that he did, after the netherbrain crisis. it's easier to become a mindless bhaalspawn than it is to continue contending with big emotional decisions. gods help this stupid murderer. i think out of the tri-soul, roiben would be the most likely to have an ophelia moment and just go... float in a body of water for a while. or see someone for pleasures of the flesh. anything to not think. i think nightmares are an absolute given though, given all the people he's choked the life out of. what if there's some small chance he'll have to answer for his misdeeds? naughty naughty

janus is more of the classic ptsd, night terrors, body sweats regarding their past. but they have nothing to connect it to due to the dark urge. because of the memory loss, i don't see them connecting the dots entirely until way late in the game. apart from that, i think they're anxious about being emotionally close to someone, especially someone like gale who is all about talking and connecting on a really deep level. i imagine them making coffee in the middle of the night and watching the fire. maybe astarion wakes up early from trance and goes to sit with them in a comfortable silence. or, later on, they move over to gale's bedroll/tent and curl up with him. hard cut to gale waking up to their arm tightly wrapped around him and/or half crushed under their weight. hahah questions are from this ask post

[lok-repository]

The Avatar Wiki newsletter has some Q & A with Korra's VA.

Questions after the cut.

Q: You have immense skill for improv work and always stand out in your performances. Is this something that you practice and plan? Or do you see an opening or an opportunity in your scene, and jump on it?

A: What a lovely thing to say! So first of all, thank you!! The question depends on which kind of performance you’re talking about. If it’s Korra, I really didn’t improvise on LOK at all, because I was so devoted to the scripts (and it wasn’t really something that was being strongly encouraged, which was fine with me!). In other stuff, esp. on-camera stuff, it’s always only after being told by the director that improv is encouraged for that particular take, etc. Nobody wants the class clown disrupting the “class” unless clownery has been encouraged! ;)

Q: How was the relationship between you and the other voice actors similar or different to Team Avatar's?

A: I think that like Team Avatar in the OG series, we really didn’t know how whether the show would be big or not. It’s true that we knew (and in some cases were big fans of) the original series, but in this industry, you’re really taught quickly that nothing is certain and not to have expectations. So PJ and I always joke that I kept waiting to be fired, not because anyone was upset with my performance, but just because it was all such a dream come true, I was afraid to believe it was really happening! So like the first cast, we didn’t know how big the response would be. And there’s a lot of love between us, as there was/is with Team Avatar!

Q: How does it feel to know that Korra has made such an impact on people and even the cartoon industry at large?

A: It’s the best thing about my entire career so far. Truly. I’ve said this elsewhere, but both my parents were teachers, and I grew up in households where having a positive impact on people out in the world was the best gift to receive of all time. So getting to do a show that was so brilliant and that affected people on multiple levels (and then getting to hear from people about their experience with it) is profoundly wonderful. And that’s not even taking into account the impact Korra’s sexuality had in the continuum of animation and representation! Which is a whole other gift I can’t ever be thankful enough for.

Q: What do you think is the most important lesson people can learn from Korra's journey? A: I think there’s maybe not just one most important lesson, honestly, since people are so different, their journeys are so different, and they come to Korra at so many different points in their lives. But to name a couple biggies for me, I would say having a healthy relationship to patience; not trying to do things alone when there are amazing support systems offering up their help and love; not believing everything you think — as in the stories we tell ourselves, or that others tell us about who we are. And to forgive ourselves and not turn ourselves into our own worst enemy.

Q: What is the most valuable lesson that you personally learned from working on The Legend of Korra?

A: Wow, good question! Always be a student, maybe? Working on that show was so incredible because I always felt like I was learning something new from every single actor, writer, producer, tech, etc. I worked with on the series. If you stay open to what others can teach you, it’s amazing how much that enriches your life!

Q: You have to spend a day hanging out with Korra; what do the two of you do? A: Oh boy! Well, I would love to do a little pro-bending. Then maybe a big old noodle lunch with Bolin? … I just realized I’m not sure if this means I’m in the Avatarverse or if Korra’s in MY reality!! So let’s keep going on me being there, since I can cheat and involve every other character, hee hee! A ride with Naga somewhere snowy and beautiful… of course taking Asami along as well… and then just sitting around someone’s living room with the gang and Tenzin and his family, laughing and telling stories.

Q: With Fandom’s celebration of Women’s History Month, do you think that The Legend of Korra has changed the representation of women in the animation industry?

A: I think it’s been part of a wave of amazing female characters and I’m so honored to have been even a small part of that! I love how buff Korra is, and that she doesn’t have to fit into a stereotypical “video game ‘hot girl’” animation style, if that makes sense. And of course, Korra’s background, family, culture (the inspiration, love and respect Mike and Bryan have for native cultures) definitely has had an impact. I have been fortunate enough to get to be at conventions where I meet FANTASTIC people of color of all ages, genders, shapes and sizes who feel inspired and motivated by Korra. And met lots of future voice actors!!

Q: Were there any scenes with female characters that you felt were underrated? A: Hmmm, good question. I’m so deeply embedded in ATLA because of the Braving the Elements podcast, I’m not pulling up any specific scenes in Korra that I felt were underrated. In fact it’s been awesome to talk to people about how fierce and fascinating characters like Kuvira were, and how that dynamic was so well-written.

Q: What scenes did you, as the voice actor of Korra, find the funniest, the easiest and the hardest to do?

A: Funniest is probably having to pretend to be falling from a great distance, which is also the hardest. Turns out that’s a really hard thing for me to fake! But nobody was going to push me off a cliff in the studio to get the “authenticity” of that performance, so I had to learn from my brilliant peers and Andrea Romano how to sound like you’re falling when you’re standing still! Easiest… basically just any and all of the dialogue, because it was so great, it just jumped off the page and felt so natural.

Q: Do you have one scene that had a major impact on you personally?

A: Probably Korra’s letter to Asami in Ep 1 of Book Four, or the last moment of the show with Korra and Asami.

Q: Did you have any inspirations when voicing Korra, whether that be voice actors or other franchises?

A: Oh gosh, there are so many actors I love and was/am inspired by! I’ve said before that when I verrrrrry first started auditioning for Korra, I actually had Christina Ricci in my mind, because she’s so amazing at playing these kind of aloof characters who are at the same time very emotionally vulnerable underneath. And of course I love the Cate Blanchetts, Viola Davises, Kate Winslets, Indira Varmas of the world. In VO, naturally I bow to the talents of folks like Grey DeLisle, Jennifer Hale… the list goes on forever!

[princesssarisa]

Nihal for the character ask?

Favorite thing about them: As a person, what I like best about her is the kindness and concern she shows to the sick Beşir, even if she doesn't really care as deeply as she should. On a meta level, I like the sheer complexity and emotional depth of her character, so unexpected for a 12-to-15-year-old girl in a turn-of-the-20th-century novel written by a man. In a more conventional book, she would just be a sweet, innocent foil to her adulterous stepmother Bihter, but she's most definitely not. On the one hand, she's spoiled, bitter, often irrational, manipulative, and much too possessive. But on the other hand, we can sympathize with her pain at being "abandoned" by her loved ones, especially because her father's remarriage comes at the same time as (and is partly motivated by) her transition from a child to a young woman in society, with the expectation of soon leaving her home to marry some stranger. Add to these her assorted other qualities, like her cleverness and her moments of genuine kindness, and she arguably has the richest characterization in the entire book.

Least favorite thing about them: Well, if she were a real person, I'd dislike her spiteful, vindictive tendencies, but that's part of what makes her interesting. As a character... I'm tempted to agree with @ariel-seagull-wings about disliking the idea that her rivalry with Bihter was inevitable, that stepmothers and stepdaughters are always rivals. But since (unless I'm forgetting something) it's only Mademoiselle de Courton who says this, I'll argue that we the readers don't need to take that view, per se.

Three things I have in common with them:

*I'm uncomfortable with change.

*I'm sometimes afraid of abandonment.

*I like Classical music.

Three things I don't have in common with them:

*I don't have a stepmother.

*I've always been strong and healthy.

*I don't play the piano.

Favorite line: "Father, when a child becomes a young girl she finally becomes a bride, doesn’t she? Do you know? I have made a decision, a decision that can’t be changed: Little Nihal won’t become a bride. You know you used to ask me when I was little: You used to say, Nihal, who will you marry. I, doubtless with a a serious conviction, used to say: You. Don’t panic, now I am not of that opinion, but I will stay by your side, do you understand, father? Always together with you…”

brOTP: Bülent (when she's not acting like he betrayed her just by innocently calling Bihter "mother") and Mademoiselle de Courton.

In crossover-land, I might also like her to meet either of the two Catherines from Wuthering Heights – she shares traits with both, combining an upbringing more like Catherine Linton's with the selfishness, pathology, need for adoration, and (eventual) emotion-aggravated sickliness of Catherine Earnshaw, and dealing with the hard transition from girlhood to womanhood too. I don't know if they could ever be friends or if they'd hate each other, though.

OTP: None; she's not psychologically ready for romance and might never be.

nOTP: Behlül, or her father.

Random headcanon: Her illness is some form of epilepsy (her fainting spells are actually seizures), and she's on the autism spectrum too. After all, about 10% to 12% of people with ASD are also epileptic, and it would explain a lot about her personality: black and white thinking, dislike of change, not wanting to leave the safety of childhood, etc.

Unpopular opinion: If it's unpopular to think of her as a unique, complex, morally gray character, and not just an ingénue foil to Bihter, then that's my unpopular opinion. Although I think anyone who thinks she's a stock ingénue must either only know a bad adaptation, not the book, or else lack basic reading comprehension!

Song I associate with them: None at the moment.

Favorite picture of them: These pictures from @faintingheroine of Itır Esen in the 1975 TV version.

[edwinspaynes]

thomastair of if you’ve already been asked that, jordelia? (i also kind of want to say sona/flora-)

I'll just do all three! :)

THOMASTAIR

What made you ship it?

-> Everything, but I think that the moment I personally started shipping it was when Thomas defended Alastair in Cast Long Shadows.

What are your favorite things about the ship?

We're just going to make a bulleted list here because I'll ramble on all day and all night otherwise

The fact that they bring out the best in each other (Alastair's newfound openness, Thomas's newfound confidence, their senses of humor, etc)

The fact that they accept each of the other one readily. More than that, the fact that they love even the roughest traits of the other without abandon. Alastair's sharp tongue and cutting words? Funny and clever to Thomas. Thomas's awkwardness and jealousy? Endearing to Alastair. Seeing the other one vulnerable? 100% okay, they're going to support each other.

The ship just screams "safety" to me. Like, they epitomize the saying that 'sometimes home is a person, not a place.' They clearly each view the other as a safe person to talk to. This is especially impressive for Alastair considering his usual guardedness, and the fact that he has consistently been vulnerable with Thomas since the beginning. He's crying in the Sanctuary scene and being honest. He's willing to discuss his fear and his sadness in the carriage. This openness is inspiring to me.

Speaking of the carriage, Alastair just wanted Thomas there in his presence, like a safety blanket? Thomas literally just wanted Alastair to talk to him so they could, like, hang out? They're best friends. They're best friends who are married. This is further evidenced by the fact that they lost track of time talking and stayed in Paris all night. We see them talking in the epilogue, and later in ChoT on the rooftop, and they're so happy to be talking and joking and laughing together.

I am literally going to go on all day, good God.

Their interests are SO compatible.

I also on a more surface level adore the fact that Thomas executed the plot to Taylor Swift's Mastermind but ALL of it was accidental. Their romcom era was so fun to read.

Thomas's constant defenses of Alastair make me so happy.

Alastair trying to help Thomas after Christopher died was such an amazing moment. Like, nothing was important besides caring for Thomas? Kissing his eyelids? Letting him know he wasn't alone?

They're actually really awesome at communicating and setting boundaries, even from Day One. Like, if you read TLH all the way through, they're the only ship to consistently set realistic expectations for the way that they'll engage and treat each other. They're both vocally willing to assert themselves. Neither of them hide things from the other or tell lies. Everything's out in the open, and that's super healthy.

Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

-> Best ship in TLH by a landslide. LANDSLIDE. And, quite frankly, the objectively best TSC ship outside of Herongraystairs as of 2023. Definitely my favourite ship in any media ever along with Wessa.

JORDELIA

What made you ship it?

-> It's cute! I started shipping Jordelia waaay before ChoG came out, like, back when we first heard about the characters. I was torn between wanting them canon and wanting Heronchild canon (come on, this was like, 2017). But idk I thought that their friends to lovers arc had potential, and I quite frankly adored Cordelia from the moment we learned about her before ChoG. So, yeah.

What are your favorite things about the ship?

-> I think it's really sweet how they're such good friends in addition to being married; this is important to me. But I also like that James always loved Cordelia through the power of the bracelet, always thought of her and her happiness.

Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

-> Honestly? Jordelia is one of my better TSC ships (not, like, high-tier; I don't ship many things, and the only TSC couples I really seek out content for are Thomastair/Wessa/Gracetopher/Sophideon). I think they are so incredibly adorable... but I think they're a little boring to read about. I'm don't mind reading about them, but they don't do that much for me, either.

SONA/FLORA (thank you for entertaining my crack ship lmao)

What made you ship it?

-> It came to me one day in the shower. They both had shitty husbands, why shouldn't they bond over it? Why can we not have middle-aged women coming to terms with their sexuality and having a lesbian relationship?

What are your favorite things about the ship?

-> It's probably the only batshit crazy crack ship I've ever liked the idea of.

Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

-> That it exists.

[kickingupdust]

Virtual Entry #21

Fuck you and your stupid fucking 000000 00000. You're a poser if I ever met one. I never thought someone could be so fucking 0000 and far removed from acting like a human being. 

Fuck, okay. The 00000 actually look really nice. I am sure they look even better in person. I am just MAD. 

I feel like an experiment lately. Like someone is up in the sky laughing, crying, cheering, and booing. Rooting for me when I do what they think is good, and sighing in disappointment when I fuck up. 

I am sure someone is out there pulling some strings. Maybe not in the sky, per se, but somewhere above me. Another plane of existence, another level of consciousness. 

I have been seeing a lot of hawks lately. Osprey. 

I feel like they are watching over me. I have started keeping a close eye out for them.

I have noticed there is one very large hawk that perches in the same tree every day, and I quite look forward to seeing it sitting there on my way home from class. I would like to think it sits there just for me. 

Ah, inflated self-importance.

I have decided I am done with love for the foreseeable future. I do not want to be toyed with any longer. I have bad taste, and flimsy boundaries. Horrible combo for a relationship. 

The last guy I dated really did a number on me. 12H synastry *sigh*. 

I really am just tired of seeking love in other people when it’s inside me. I shower others in the love I wish to receive myself. It’s a bad character flaw, it’s codependency, it’s unhealthy. 

I have mastered most other aspects of health; healthy eating, staying active, nurturing familial connections, loving and caring for my pets, self-reflection, idk I am sure there are other things I can add to this list. 

I have come a really long way, but I am really dumb when it comes to romantic love. I expect too much and not anything at all at the same time. I have silent expectations, and then become frustrated when they aren’t met. People are not mind readers! 

I need a serious break from trying to love someone in a relationship. It’s not for me right now. I need to work on myself and my boundaries, and on loving myself. 

I have met a lot of amazing people at this low low point. I have felt unlovable, unacceptable, rejected. I have felt like I am not good enough, and like no one will ever love me or care for me, even as a friend. I reached a point of complete devaluation. I could not see why anyone would want to be around me, speak to me, anything. I was so extremely insecure. And all of the sudden I began meeting people who had been through similar things, felt the same way, and like me, they are searching for a way out. 

I always feel like I struggle socially but in meeting these people at school and online, I feel like I am finally finding community and feeling like I belong somewhere. I am finding love everywhere, and starting to love my life again. I am starting to live. 

I have moments where I devalue myself again, small instances make me question all of the progress I have made. I falter at times, but I still stand tall. 

My moods are still all over the place, but I have accepted so much about myself and the treatment I have endured, and realized why I have accepted the treatment I have. 

I am more confident. I am happier, and whole. I still do not think I am where I should be, but I am showing myself kindness and extending to myself the grace that I so commonly only give to others. 

I try to show kindness to others where I can, give people compliments, tell people hello, and entertain small conversations when the opportunity comes present. 

I am releasing my bad habits. I am battling my addictions, and I am reaching out for help when I need it. 

I am beginning to be honest with those around me about how I feel, and not being embarrassed at their reactions. 

I am making progress, and I am proud. 

I am finally proud to be me, and I cannot wait to see what the future holds.

[katebvsh]

Hi Katebvsh, first of all thank you very much for your long and thoughtful reply! I think your answer was thruly interesting, and also you touched in the center of the wound that moved me to write you in first place: limerence. I'm actually reading Love and Limerence book of Tennov, cause i have this problem too, since i can remember. And because i was thinking on it in order to understand a little better my current internal struggles with it. With love, and everything that's connected with it. So, i have to tell you that i think manny points of your answers are very wise and made me reconsider some things. Like, I hadn't considered it until now, but I think i agree, this subject is more clear if we approach it from a quesion on the fulfillment of this needs, not about if those are separate or not. Maybe sometimes is a problem of expectation, and the social conventions which makes us expect that the fact that one of these needs is fulfilled by a person must necessarily imply the fullness of the other.

But in the end, i agree too, i think love and sex are connected. And i hold here in one of the lucid arguments of Tennov about this question: "Limerence is not mere sexual atraction. […] Sex is neither essential nor, in itself, adequate to satisfy the limerent need. But sex is never entirely excluded in the limerent passion, either. Limerence is a desire for more than sex, and a desire in which the sexual act may repesent the symbol of its highest achievement: reciprocation. Reciprocation expressed through physical union creates the ecstatic and blissful condition called the greatest happiness, and the most profond glorification of the achievement of limerence aims". So, i think is a problem of fulfillment, but also a problem of this peculiar need of reciprocation and the diferent ways humans can provide or desire it…. And yes sometimes sexuality can bring that reciprocation expressed through physical union, but maybe others physical union may express the destrucion or negation of the searched reciprocation...

But i think i have to say i was talking maybe more about limerence than about love, i mean, about a form of afection not very healthy or normal, as you called it, and as it is. And so... that thing you said "limerence is closer to a clear rejection of one’s needs for love and sexual expression than anything else" made me think…again. Maybe this feelings and the confusion limerence carries with are more complex and more problematic… Does limerence search for the actual consumation of that reciprocity? Does limerence really want to reach that fulfillment and feel the desire langish the moment after? Or this unhealthy and peculiar state search only to search, to mantain open that movement of the desire, to feed itself with the chemistry, the hormones the organism provides through it?. Idnk. I think is very hard to know when you only know to love in this weird and intense way.

But i loved talking about it with someone else. And i loved the way you made me reconsider from your point of view all of this.

I think this answer of yours is very wise and lucid: "I also feel that any attempt to establish some general theory on love and sexuality, to say “this is correct, natural, ideal” and so on at a societal level often informs us more about the nature of power in said society than it does about human nature and the very real human needs for love and sexual expression". And yeah, i think too sexuality can be expresed beyond sex acts per se, like fashion yes, (another interesting subject to think about, the conextion between this two), or like religion…(i think u may know by this last coment who mutual i am lol).

Well, sorry me for my long long reply. But tlaking with u was lovely. You seem like a very philosophical and openminded person to talk with.Hope u're doing well too and have a good week. (and sorry my shitty english please). And thank you! 🌸🤍🌸🦭

Hello! Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me :) I appreciate it 💕and I am sorry to hear that you struggle with Limerence as well. I know how painful it is and I’m glad that at least thanks to these messages you can feel a little less alone. I haven’t read Tennov (I probably should someday) so what I write here are my own personal observations on struggling with limerence and what I think about love and relationships as a result. I will be taking some things you wrote as a cue to help me structure my thoughts.

“Maybe sometimes is a problem of expectation, and the social conventions which makes us expect that the fact that one of these needs is fulfilled by a person must necessarily imply the fullness of the other”

Yes. I think about this often. The idea that human beings are so complex, and that any person I talk to has thoughts and feeling as meaningful as my own, thoughts and feelings that even when communicated are often reduced to simplified versions of themselves. That in a painful way there’s some invisible wall that cannot be crossed fully (There is a word for this. Sonder) We can sometimes think that a single person can be our everything, can fulfill all our needs…for intellectual stimulation, friendship, love, sexual expression and even a shoulder to cry on. That this person is at once a significant other, friend, counselor, parent, teacher ect. This..is too much..it is a kind of reduction and abstraction of the other person, they become a symbol of some kind, an idol, an over-idealization.

I think limerence comes from this mental state. There is a perception of something missing within oneself, a lack. I could feel it as a very real physical pain in my chest..some days I still experience it..But you see, it was all about what I could receive. And in truth I wanted something essential that should have been there all along, and having not received it, perhaps in my childhood, I mistakenly thought I had found the ultimate solution. In reality I could only provide this essential part to myself, but not knowing this, I was prepared to destroy myself completely, to become this “perfect” girl just so I could maintain some glimmering hope of reciprocation alive

“Does limerence really want to reach that fulfillment and feel the desire langish the moment after? Or this unhealthy and peculiar state search only to search, to mantain open that movement of the desire, to feed itself with the chemistry, the hormones the organism provides through it?. Idnk.”

Yes it is all about reciprocation. And I think you understood perfectly what I meant to say by limerence being closer to a rejection of one’s needs (at least it manifested in this way for me personally) If limerence finds fulfillment, it may be forced to die to be replaced by love after some time. But what if I purposefully chose someone who I could sense would only reject me? Who I knew would never love me or was incapable of loving me fully, completely, who even lived so far away, as part of a culture that was an enigma to me, so foreign to everything I know? I remember one day when it was particularly bad…I was so exhausted..I asked myself..why? Why would I love someone so determined to neglect me? Why when he treats me poorly, I desire him even more..when I know with certainty there are men who would love me, who would treat me with care!

What did I want really? If not love? If not sex? I wanted this lack addressed. Something I could only give myself, through fantasy, illusion, imagination. This is the trick..I was providing myself with the high all along, hardly anything comes from the other person really. And so, while I longed for fulfillment I also deeply feared it..because suppose LO DID notice me? And wanted to start a relationship…soon I would be confronted by the inevitable disappointment..that he is human like me. He is flawed…he is not this provider of everything I require.

If Limerence is about illusion and what we can (unrealistically) get from another person then Love is about self-awareness. It is about taking the time to be honest about your gifts (what you have to offer in a relationship) as well as your flaws. Most importantly it is about knowing what exactly it is that you want, what would fulfill certain needs and whether another person could realistically accommodate those needs or some of those needs, and of course, if you are in a position to offer to accommodate some of their needs in return.

Sending you lots of love and seals once more 🌸🤍🌸🦭 :) Have a good week too! (also you can call me Elena if you prefer)

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

the thing about having a condition that makes your fine motor control skills and gross motor skills/hand-eye coordination hella bad is that it’s hell going through school. like in sport I was consistently told that I was a failure bc i struggled to catch a ball and I only caught on how to use a skipping rope by year 4/when I was 10 years old. to my teachers I never “trying hard enough” or “always letting down the team” in games like basketball or footy or god knows what else.

then when it came to basic handwriting, I was always made the example of “THIS IS NOT WHAT TO DO IN YOUR BOOKS CHILDREN!!!” in front of the class bc i wrote over the margins of the pages in my book to keep my writing in the lines, my writing wasn’t small and neat like every other girl’s HW. instead mine was clumsy, loud and messy, too large to be any type of acceptable. so I was always told that I “wouldn’t get anywhere” if I continued to write like that. my maths book was a fucking nightmare to look at bc I couldn’t write in a straight line without lines on a page. I couldn’t draw shapes (or even trace shapes) properly. I struggled to rule straight lines for tables/graphs and shit in maths. but instead when I fought back to my teacher’s ripping my pages out bc it “WANST NEAT ENOUGH” with “I literally can’t help it though!!! it’s in my (fucking) medical stuff!!! IM TELLING THE TRUTH!!” i was told to go outside and think about the consequences of talking back to my teacher. when all I wanted was to be believed, for fucks sake. science in high school was much the same.

in year 6, we had had to do a sewing project. my hands shook too much to put the needle through the holes on the cross stitch thing that we had of a penguin. I couldn’t get the needle through the cross stitch thing in general or get the thread through the needle etc. all bc my fine motor control skills were awful. but what did I get from my teacher? the “you’re such an embarrassment/failure” speech. “everyone should be able to do this by 12. what’s wrong with you? you failure of a child. im embarrassed for you. everyone else can do it, why can’t you? you’re just being lazy and you’ll never be a real woman bc you can’t sew! what an embarrassing thing for you!” when I had to have my teacher and other students do it for me. like sorry I have a condition that makes me unable to perform ~womanly~ duties miss sanderson. go fuck yourself. and also i’m pretty sure we’re in the 2000s and not the 1800s? so sewing is something I don’t really have to KNOW by 12 years old????? fuck off.

when it came to high school it got worse. my year 7 geography teacher (who I also had in year 9 for commerce) constantly made it seem like I was less intelligent than everyone else just because my handwriting was messy and also because i struggled to draw maps to scale. again, when I fought back with my “I can’t help it it’s medical” I was branded a liar and told to shut up and go outside to reflect on my behaviour. although I’m actually leaving out how the school I moved to (which was part of the catholic education office etc like my primary school) refused me access to the computer that the primary school had given me the year previously, SPECIFICALLY to help me with high school. I have no idea if it had anything to do with funding or whatever like they ~said~ it did.... but I always felt like they were too lazy to help me. like i was just meant to get bullied by staff lmao. generally from every other teacher I got: “will you EVER take ANY pride in your work? ugh, you lazy kid 🙄.” in a super snide voice. anyway moving on.

next comes art and tech (like wood-shop/metal-shop etc for americans). in year 7 art, I was screamed at by the male teacher I had bc I couldn’t weave a fucking wicker basket. “YOU’LL NEVER AMOUNT TO ANYTHING IF YOU CAN’T WEAVE A BASKET!!! YOU STUPID CHILD!!!” like???? I don’t even need to know how to weave a basket mr hellick but what-the-fuck-ever. i struggled to get the fronds together etc of the basket etc, so again i had to get my friends to help me or that teacher to help me weave it. like. you fucking asshole, im trying but I literally cannot do it. in year 10 art, i was made to finger paint my rock-pool painting bc “you just have no control over a paintbrush, do you? ugh when will you learn to be neat 🙄? also honey you have to wear gloves while doing it!!! you don’t want to get it all over your hands or yourself!” like yes I agreed bc it was fun and messy (ngl).... but when everyone else was doing intricate shit that 15/16 year olds can and should do, i was the 5 year old.... i was treated like a toddler just because i couldn’t sketch properly and couldn’t hold a paintbrush ~properly~ or some bullshit. and also the paint is non-toxic. and im not stupid enough to drink it or whatever the fuck you think im going to do... for the reminder about wearing gloves (also it was partly health & safety but still). they usually mocked my artwork anyway and called it ~abstract in a way~ bc i couldn’t draw well enough to make anything distinguishable, unlike my sister who for some teachers was an art prodigy. “why can’t you draw like your sister? her art was always good!” um probably bc my sister doesn’t have my condition and she’s always been good at drawing? and also i’m just not my sister? god. fuck you.”

then we get to tech (woodshop/metalshop etc). in this typically all male environment (for teachers anyway), my work was again marked out as “what not to do!” in year 7 tech. the teacher I had in that always mocked that my cutting of wood wasn’t “straight” and that it never matched up etc. “like what grade are you even attempting to pull with that piece of garbage?” fuck off, mr finkelstein, ugh. in metalwork I could only saw my chimes which turned into crowbars for like 5 minutes each bc it made me tired in that interval, while everyone else could saw for like 20 minutes straight. so I had to get other people to saw for me from time to time, so in the end that project was never finished. I was made to look lazy when I didn’t have the stamina or the strength for that assignment. finally there’s plastics, where I couldn’t use the glue gun or the soldering iron bc I both shook too much and my hand was too weak to use it after some other students in my class. so again, my friends had to solder for me or do the glue gun for me. I technically failed that subject too bc I “wasn’t engaged enough” or w/e and also bc I ended up burning my leg by loading a glue gun over it 😅.

by the back end of high school I was straight up told that I was “going to fail” externally marked exams (the school certificate that not longer exists and the HSC) bc they simply wouldn’t take the time and effort to read my work. do you know how degrading that is? like fuck, excuse me while I don’t fucking bother to study if they’re going to straight up fail me (which never happened anyway.) but at least the public school i moved to actually fucking fought for me to get a computer for my end of high school (hsc) exams, where as the catholic school just went on with the “you’re going to fail your school certificate writing the way you do!” and tried to get me to use a writer (another person obvs) as did the public school. but god it’s fucking impossible no matter how much you study, to articulate your thoughts under exam pressure to someone else. just let me write lol.

but my point is that, in all of these subjects I was trying harder than most people (not counting sport lmao), but the mess etc that was caused by my condition... and how it was treated as a lie or an “excuse” for me to get out of things by my teachers was awful. when in fact, it was a real problem that i had several years of medical appointments with a specialist doctor, an occupational therapist and assistive technology (well in primary school anyway) and loads of tests and shit done for.

so if you’re a teacher or are currently training to be a teacher, if you have a kid like this in your class/es please don’t be this awful towards them, please know they’re trying their best.

[seyaryminamoto]

How much was azula and zuko blinded of the propaganda?I have seen someone say that" azula knew the propaganda was a lie and there evidence was the fire nation were willingly to burn ba sing sa to the ground so azula should have known better"

O_o um, no offense intended to that person but... where’s the evidence that Azula ever had any doubts about the Fire Nation’s supremacist views?

I can outright point at a key dialogue where Zuko blatantly proves he’s not blinded by his father’s propaganda: Book 1, episode 3. Zuko directly tells Zhao: “If my father thinks the rest of the world will follow him willingly, then he is a fool!”, quoted right out of the wikia. So... heh. Zuko seems to be critical of his father, of his conquest, of his colonialist pursuits...

... And yet he proceeds to continue chasing the Avatar, fighting against him, outright committing treason against his own nation by releasing Aang but ONLY so he could be the one to turn him in personally, still saying things like “My honor, my throne, my country, I'm about to lose them all.” (Book 1, episode 13), telling Iroh “I want it back. I want the Avatar, I want my honor, my throne. I want my father not to think I'm worthless.” (Book 2, episode 1), introducing himself in this manner: “My name is Zuko. Son of Ursa and Fire Lord Ozai. Prince of the Fire Nation, and heir to the throne.” (Book 2, episode 7), and the list goes on :’) basically, insert everything nefarious or gray Zuko does through the three seasons, and factor in that Zuko has proven he doesn’t believe his father’s propaganda since early Book 1... you get the picture.

So... what that line in “The Southern Air Temple” ends up telling us is that all his actions are self-serving! :’D Which takes away from Zuko’s big speech to Ozai, namely when he says that the argument about the war spreading the Fire Nation’s greatness was an “amazing lie”. No, it wasn’t an amazing lie, and no, he didn’t believe it, at least he didn’t ever since the show began, as far as we saw. Therefore... I give no free passes to Zuko over any arguments that he was doing Ozai’s bidding or acting in his behalf. No one who says “my father is a fool” with such conviction in the show’s very THIRD EPISODE can pretend he was completely unaware of how wrong the Fire Nation’s direction was until he finally had his change of heart and awakening to the goodness of the world. He knew it was wrong. He did everything he did because it didn’t matter to him that it was, his throne and honor mattered more. 

And considering I could quote at least three different instances where he talks about the throne as his own, or meant to be his own, I think it’s damn clear it was constantly on his mind. The only occasion when he says anything about wanting to do right by the Fire Nation itself is with Mai in the Boiling Rock... and by then he’s “redeemed”. Ergo, he’s supposed to know better at last. Before redemption? Zero signs that Zuko believes the Fire Nation needs new guidance and that he realizes the problem is Ozai’s propaganda and ideological indoctrination. That line in episode 3 suggests he KNOWS his father can and should be questioned, but later on he doesn’t betray any interest in doing so until he outright confronts him in The Eclipse. And that’s the thing: Zuko knows Ozai is bullshitting everyone, but it’s not his problem. That’s not why he’s doing what he’s doing. He’s not here to further spread Ozai’s gospel, he’s here to get the Avatar and earn his ticket back home, and he’ll do ANYTHING to achieve that.

Meanwhile, Azula... anyone can say she’s not blind to the horrors the Fire Nation has committed, that she’s an active participant of the war, that she’s her father’s enabler too... sure. But I don’t think ANYONE can say with any degree of certainty that Azula had broken out of the Fire Nation indoctrination on any level by the time we meet her in the show. Azula, as far as I’ve always seen her, is a product of her upbringing: she is sheltered, troubled, capable of dismissing any moral dilemmas in the face of any mission, absolutely unwilling to fail at anything she ever does. But really... where’s the evidence that she KNOWS the Fire Nation isn’t inherently superior to the others? Where’s the evidence that she knows Sozin’s doctrines are just excuses? I’m not saying she’s not smart enough to figure it out, I certainly write her that way myself... but I don’t think there’s anything you can point to in the show, the way there IS, objectively, with Zuko, to say “Yeah she’s 100% aware that the Fire Nation supremacist ideals are BS and she just follows fit with them because she wants a throne for herself.”

In contrast: how many times does Azula say the word “throne” in the show?:

“The fact is, they don't know which one of us is going to be sitting on that throne, and which one is going to be bowing down.” (Book 2, Episode 20) -- not the Fire Nation throne, but Ba Sing Se’s. Ergo, a throne she took via strategic prowess... that she then abandoned and left in Joo Dee’s hands SOMEHOW (why... Azula, just... why?? xD) before returning to the Fire Nation instead of merely relishing in having obtained MORE POWER!

... That’s literally it.

Where Zuko constantly talks about “his throne”, Azula only displays genuine, overt, blatant interest in becoming Fire Lord when Ozai directly offers her the position. She doesn’t shy away from it at all, of course, but when she’s seen talking about her alleged future as Fire Lord, her wording is... curiously different from Zuko’s:

“My father asked you to come here and talk to me, didn't he‌? He thinks I can't handle the responsibility of being Fire Lord. But I will be the greatest leader in Fire Nation history.” (Book 3, Episode 20)

This isn’t even fully healthy Azula, so using her behavior here as representative for her genuine views is a tricky thing to do. And yet... she says she will be the greatest LEADER? She’s not looking at the throne as something she is owed, she’s looking at it as a challenge she needs to prove herself worthy of. She’s not looking at a crown or a throne exclusively: she’s looking at LEADERSHIP. She’s ambitious enough to think BEYOND obtaining the power, and instead she’s already thinking of how she’ll use it.

This is a fundamental difference between both Zuko and Azula. Azula’s motivation wasn’t the throne, or a crown, or anything like that until the finale. If she’d wanted more political power, like I always say, she would’ve stayed in the Earth Kingdom and ruled over Ba Sing Se herself, getting high on the thrill of finally controlling a nation of her own. She’s the main artificer of the take-over, the Dai Li literally answer to her, and yet she didn’t stick around: she left the city for other people to deal with rather than going wild over her newly acquired power. Doesn’t this speak lengths about Azula’s priorities? And once she’s finally being offered the throne she does value, her troubled mind is set on LEADERSHIP. And while of course someone can argue she’s just vain and wants to be remembered forever, kind of like Zhao did, the question of what kind of leadership Azula has in mind is still worth asking: if she didn’t want the Earth Kingdom throne, it suggests she actually cherishes the Fire Nation above all else, and another nation’s throne doesn’t suffice or particularly prove fulfilling for her beyond the initial conquest. Prioritizing the Fire Nation, WITHOUT being Fire Lord yet, above Ba Sing Se’s throne... strongly suggests a belief that the Fire Nation matters more than anything else. And that’s basically what the Ozai propaganda impresses upon his people.

For further evidence... I present to you the Fire Nation Oath:

“My life I give to my country, with my hands I fight for Fire Lord Ozai and our forefathers before him. With my mind I seek ways to better my country, and with my feet may our March of Civilization continue.” (Book 3, Episode 2)

Just one reading of this oath explains Azula’s actions and motivations immediately. Recapping her actions throughout the show: 

She finds Iroh and Zuko under Ozai’s orders, attempts to take them home peacefully, then they rebel, she fights them and regards them as traitors, loses, still intends to continue chasing them after her defeat.

Gathers new allies for her quest, comes across the Avatar, decides to take him down, fails, decides she has two targets now.

Chases the Avatar, fights both him and Zuko, narrowly escapes before being defeated, all be it to fight another day.

Helps in the Drill’s operations in Ba Sing Se, nearly stops Team Avatar’s scheme, fails again once Aang finishes their plan perfectly.

Follows Appa, fights and defeats the Kyoshi Warriors, takes their uniforms, impersonates them and breaks into Ba Sing Se while no one’s the wiser.

Acquires crucial information about the enemies’ plans to attack her nation on the day of the Eclipse.

Acquires the support of the Dai Li, captures Katara, Zuko and Iroh, overthrows Kuei.

Offers Zuko one more chance to fight by her side, attempts to fight Aang and Katara by herself, then is shown willing to fight Zuko as well as those two until she joins forces safely with Zuko and they defeat Aang and Katara.

Takes Zuko home as a hero, he hides crucial information about the Avatar, Azula attempts to set up a trap so Zuko takes the fall if the Avatar isn’t dead.

Offers Zuko advice about not visiting Iroh so he stays out of trouble, which he disregards to no consequences.

Goes on a chaotic vacation with her friends.

Gives Zuko a history lesson with more than a few harsh burns.

Tells Zuko he should go to a war meeting, which he attends later to no consequences, and she was right to say he was expected to be in it.

Intervenes in the war meeting and cuts off Zuko before he says the wrong thing, Ozai extrapolates Azula’s suggestion into his perfect, megalomaniac villain plan, and she’s shown perfectly satisfied with supplying her father an idea he values.

Organizes and leads the resistance against the invasion, stalls the Avatar’s group, keeps her father safe.

Visits the Boiling Rock, presumably upon finding out her brother infiltrated the prison, and in all likelihood suspecting he didn’t do it alone, considering that she immediately barges into the interrogations about the escape attempts rather than appearing at Zuko’s holding cell.

Fights Sokka and Zuko, nearly dies when the Warden decides to cut the line but saves herself by flying off, loses her shit when Mai betrays her, gets chi-blocked, sends her friends to prison.

Attacks Team Avatar in the Western Air Temple, takes a near-fatal plummet but still manages to survive and return home while the enemies escape.

Intends to go with Ozai to set fire to the Earth Kingdom, loses her temper, Ozai loses his, he offers her the role of Fire Lord and becomes Phoenix King.

Loses herself to paranoia gradually, hallucinates her mother, pushes everyone away, agrees to fight an Agni Kai with Zuko instead of merely commanding to be crowned disregarding Zuko’s intrusion.

Loses the fight against Katara, is sent to an asylum.

I think there’s quite a lot in here that suggests Azula’s actions are meant to uphold the values and beliefs of the Fire Nation Oath. She gave herself completely to her missions, to the point of even facing deadly peril more than once. She fought many battles, lost a LOT of them, and yet she never backed down. She is by far the most strategic character in the Fire Nation side of the story, switching her tactics constantly while the show progresses... and what is she after? Victories. For whom? Herself? Why... again, if it were just for herself, why abandon Ba Sing Se, the crown jewel of the Earth Kingdom’s Ultimate Conqueror? Why allow Zuko to share in that big achievement, too, instead of merely locking him up someplace and taking all the credit for herself?

There’s seriously zero reason to believe Azula DOESN’T live by the Fire Nation Oath. I, personally, don’t see how any of her actions indicate she’s questioned her nation’s indoctrinated creed in any way. Do I think she’s smart enough to know that the war wasn’t about spreading “greatness”? Sure. Does this automatically mean she was doing everything she ever did for herself, and not for the Fire Nation AND her father? Absolutely not. And that’s where Zuko and Azula are crucially, fundamentally different: Zuko’s concerns are PERSONAL. Zuko’s battles are PERSONAL. Zuko wants HIS honor, HIS throne: Azula never says any similar words in the entire show. Azula’s biggest display of ambition is claiming she wants to be the Fire Nation’s greatest leader. Ambitious, yes, BUT... an ambition that is perfectly in line with the oath, again, especiall with this line: “may our march of civilization continue”. Whereas Zuko’s words and actions throughout the show honestly don’t strike any legitimate chords with the Oath, as far as I can tell?

And I’m relying on the Oath because it’s literally the only solid evidence we have of actual creed and speeches the Fire Nation people are taught. While we can make plenty of guesses as to what else their education includes, by judging Fire Nation people’s actions and behavior, the only solid things we have are the misinformation the teacher attempts to give the children in Aang’s classroom and the Oath she makes the children recite. I think it’s safe to guess most Fire Nation people would know that Oath by heart, and probably attempt to live by it, too.

But like I said, where Azula’s actions can easily be interpreted as morally awful ways of displaying the “values” present in the Fire Nation Oath, I don’t see how Zuko’s actions EVER had anything to do with those values. They plain didn’t. And that isn’t a bad thing, objectively speaking: it means Zuko wasn’t insanely attached to the Fire Nation to the point of valuing it above his own life, after all. And yet, it puts a spin on Zuko’s actions and behavior that definitely doesn’t do his character any favors: no, his actions aren’t motivated by the Fire Nation Oath or any similar creed, they’re motivated, above all else, by the hopes that his father will return his birthright and honor to him. And his redemption is, of course, coded as him realizing that Ozai doesn’t get to decide whether he has honor or not! Which... again... is a blatant way of saying that Zuko’s true motivation wasn’t “doing Ozai’s bidding and advancing the Fire Nation’s war”, it was his honor, his throne, and everything to do with what he’d lost after his banishment. The whole show is full of obvious signs that Zuko’s not motivated by any beliefs greater than this -- such as the fact that he returns home as a hero and it feels WRONG to him. It’s not only because his father now respects him under the false pretenses that he killed the Avatar, but also because he plain feels out of place and isn’t happy at all! Why? Because he “got everything back”, and it feels off. Why is it off? Because he wants honor and he doesn’t feel like he regained it at all in the first half of Book 3. Then he turns his back on his father and chooses a whole different path and he’s finally at peace with himself, so much he can’t even bend anymore :’D but the point is, simply, that there’s no evidence anywhere within the show that Zuko honest to gods was acting out of anything but his own, personal needs rather than a constant pursuit for the Fire Nation’s advancement.

And like I said before, this doesn’t have to be a bad thing. It probably makes his redemption “easier”, to a fault, since there’s less to address. Do I like it? No. Do I think Zuko is fundamentally a better human being than Azula because he questioned Ozai and she didn’t? Considering how many awful things he still did while proving he could question his father, not a chance. Do I think Azula is fundamentally a better human being than Zuko since her actions do seem to follow fit with what Fire Nation indoctrination looks like? Considering what that indoctrination entails, and the deeds she proves capable of to uphold it, the answer would once again be “not a chance”.

In short: neither buying the Fire Nation indoctrination or questioning it makes either Azula or Zuko objectively better people. Both are capable of amoral deeds and actions that should never be supported, encouraged or excused :’D and while I absolutely will impress that they have different motivations, which codify their actions, I don’t think Azula’s deeds would be objectively any worse if someone SOMEHOW finds solid evidence that she truly didn’t believe in any of these doctrines, just as I don’t think Zuko’s would be any better if it’s proven (though... I’d be pretty sure it can’t be) that he’s just as brainwashed as everyone else in the Fire Nation.

On a final note, directly answering your final concern there: both Zuko and Azula are shown reacting to the notion of Ba Sing Se being burned to the ground. Heck, Ursa is shown reacting to it too. If we need a refresher...

If this is somehow proof that Azula “understands” the FIre Nation is evil (How? She’s laughing like it’s a perfectly happy revelation? So is her mother? So is her brother? How does someone watch this scene and interpret this as “this messed up family KNOWS they’re the BAD GUYS!”, rather than “this messed up family thinks burning a city down is GOOD?!”), then it’s also proof Zuko and Ursa do. And they still laugh just as she does.

If the person in question was talking about Azula’s intervention in the war meeting? Zuko’s reaction shows he thinks burning down a continent is evil. Zuko’s betrayal of the Fire Nation shows he didn’t want anything to do with that (his reluctance to share this information with Team Avatar, however, is highly illogical?). Azula’s behavior doesn’t suggest at all that she thinks burning an enemy nation is anything but a sign of superiority, something both Ursa and Zuko are totally fine with in the scene above, and her suggestion, yet again, is something that is perfectly in line with the Fire Nation’s morally reprehensible values. As such, it’s not something that proves Azula somehow was acting of her own accord and is immune to Fire Nation indoctrination and propaganda, by any means.

So.

I’d think that answers that. :’)

[lesbianbluesey]

btvs + tvd for the ship meme!

Btvs

otp: Spuffy & Fuffy. & Coffy. in that order tbh but I do adore them all favourite canon pairing: Spuffy. other than them I’m only really into Sprusilla and primarily s5 Willara worst pairing ever: I mean it’s Buffy/Giles obviously people who ship that are freaks. but otherwise anything involving Xander (usually I can like ships even if I dislike a character in them if there’s merit to a dynamic imo but here I can not somehow I just … hate him so much lol). Any canon ship that isn’t the three I just mentioned mostly isn’t for me guilty pleasure pairing: I don’t really have one, also I never quite know what this is supposed to mean and most of my ships for this verse aren’t like, healthy. but Willow x Amy would be like another level of toxic even by Buffyverse standards and I do find the idea kind of fun, although I never sought  content for it. and the rare time I’ve seen a Buffy x Drusilla post I’ve been like ! a pairing you want to see more: Buffy x Tara & Buffy x Kendra & Faith x Willow & Willow x Anya all those ships are great, especially Faith x Willow which I’m a vocal advocate for. Oh and Cordelia x Anya would’ve been rad that pairing everyone likes but you’re like “lol no”: Bangel but I used to notp it and now I do respect it a lot more for it’s place in Buffy’s narrative and see some merit in it, but it’s still really not my cup of tea romantically. I don’t hate hate it anymore but still. favorite non-romantic pair: Buffy & Dawn + Tara & Dawn the absolute best! Buffy & Giles. also Buffy and Willow but them I do occasionally like romantically (mostly I like the thought of them having crushes on each other in s3 and then growing out of them, but post Alyson Hannigan talking about them dating in S7 I do sometimes find the idea a little fun too). But like primarily I love their friendship. I also just sort of love Tara’s dynamics with all the Scoobies. Spike and Dawn even if reading some things about James and Michelle has made me feel worse about this but I did love their written dynamic. they don’t get too many scenes one on one but I love Spike and Willow when they’re together, also as foils.

TVD otp: Bamon & Beklena. favourite canon pairing: Steroline & Stebekah. worst pairing ever: Caroline x Alaric seems really obvious as the worst one. DE & SE I think I’ve had a stronger negative reaction to DE in the past because it’s a) a ship that I expected to like when I first watched but didn’t which is never fun and b) because it took up so much narrative space in the later seasons, whereas SE mostly just bored me. now I have a more eyeroll-y reaction to both with distance that isn’t full on hatred per se. I could not stand Matt x Caroline. I know in the grand scheme of TVDu ships it’s not like that insidious but it grated on me a lot guilty pleasure pairing: I guess Katholine would be this I really loved them tbh, also Klaroline and Steferine. and Datherine I don’t think about them as much but I enjoy them together. a pairing you want to see more: Beklena & Bonora & Katholine. also Kennett had a lot of potential that pairing everyone likes but you’re like “lol no”: Delena & Stelena favorite non-romantic pair: Elena and Katherine !!! my favorite dynamic on the show. I tried to think of a more traditionally positive friend/family dynamic that would qualify but honestly idk. I like Barolena dynamics sometimes but how I feel about each one sort of … varies depending on the day as does if I ship any of them romantically. the closest I can think of otherwise is Elena and Jenna rip

I obviously did not include Ats/TO ships like Cangel and Klayley in this

thank you so much! <3

(send me a fandom and I’ll answer questions for ships)

[phoebehalliwell]

i don't know if i'm the only one but i've often wondered exactly how hard it was to convince julian mcmahon to stick around for season five. they took his character, a feared powerful half demon and made him into the butt of the joke and the whole joke was basically ha ha look at this lovestruck fool obsessing and suicidal because he's got nothing to live with but can't die. ain't that funny? like how the fuck did the writers sell that to julian is my question

i find the entirety of season five just so goddamn insulting to cole's character. hell the fact that he got possessed by the source and this was treated as him turning evil instead of a shitty situation that got out of hand. like it wasn't bad enough he was villified for something that he wasn't even in control of half the time they couldn't even just vanquish the dude, they dragged it on and ridiculed him. i hate it here

lol. i mean. yeah. i really. like. it's like. like okay we all know cole was a fan favorite right and he & phoebe were really meant to like. be the sex appeal to the show no one else was really filling that role they were charmed's Sexy Couple tm. so like. in a sense i get the notion ab wanting to keep him around. because everyone loves him! he's bad boy! he adds this dangerous edge love balancing on a knife's point stuff like that. so like. that being said. u wanna keep him around. i just like Do Not Get how you opt to keep him around Like That. tbh. as w all things. i am blaming brad kern. i think it all really started to tank s4 (well, with mortal cole, but like) with source cole. that was bad, but i know it was part of the push to have like long form season drama character driven plots conflict between the sisters themselves it just like. sucked ass and balls imo. like i mean the fact they had to do the source as a possession just so they could get demon cole and lover cole,,, i mean it speaks to how stupid it was. the fact that u wanted cole to be a villain So Bad but the only way to do it was like. possession? sign that u should not do that like. like. like. i don't know how we're supposed to feel ab that.

and then. the vanquish. not sticking. i think like. i think they probably had the vague idea that cole having a mortal soul would not be able to be vanquished properly right? like. demons get destroyed into nothingness, but the human part of him lives, so i think they probably knew that was what they were going to do, that's what they sold to jmm and like. we sowed those seeds in the s4 finale w his ghost whispers and materialization. so i think like. they knew they wanted to Not Kill Him because he was such a fan favorite. maybe there was an intention to do a will they won't they variant of phole? and then. of course. there was the whole idea of paige cole, which, as the rumor goes, was meant to kick of in the s5 pilot, but both julian and rose shut it down. but i feel like. assuming that's true (which i 100% do assume that's true absolutely and i'm not endorsing it i don't think it would have been good or well written or whatever but like. 👀. you know?) but yeah. assuming that's true, i feel like that piece really speaks to what their designs for cole were: man meat. he was meant to be their male sex appeal and they weren't going to be picky about the narrative itself as long as he was still kicking.

but like honestly? i mean i shouldn't have to say this it's a given: it's not enough to just put your sexy man in front of a camera and call it a day like imo even a man who is not sexy can be made appealing through the power of the narrative. like, to level with you, i never really ever shipped phole nor found cole attractive at all like ever, but i can see like the fucking support beams you know i can see the infrastructure on which this whole thing can you know take on a life of its own in the earlier seasons because they very consciously put it there!! people shipped it for a reason n not just because they were two people standing next to each other on a tv screen i mean hello almost sinking a dagger in her heart but can't do it sends her away back to her sisters because he can't act out on his evil plan!! that's something!!!! that's so very something and they gave us Nothing they gave us nothing in the later seasons. and still expected it to fly. like. tbh julian was probably just like unwittingly duped like dragged along for the ride s5 which is likely why he was vanquished halfway through because i'd imagine roughly three episode in he went okay! um. what's this? guys? what's this? and then they said cole<3 you know he like knew he had to get the hell outta dodge.

anyways. if i were to resuscitate phole in s5. which like. to level w u. i wouldn’t. because they would need a lot of one-on-one screentime and we already spent so much of s4 splitting up the sisterhood in the name of phole i wouldn’t really want to continue with that per se But. if i were. this ask is getting long it’s under a cut 

something something demon of the week something something realms the point is cole is there when he very much shouldn’t be and like. he and phoebe get knocked into a different plane. so their bodies are fine and at the manor, but their minds are elsewhere and they need to solve whatever it is in order to get back. and we’ll say there’s a fuckin deadline because the girls need the power of three and right now they are sealed off from accessing it. and you know phoebe’s pretty fuckin pissed with cole because you know. he dragged her down to hell and she almost gave birth to the antichrist. actually source’s heir might be fun to keep around in this au idk. the point is phoebe’s pissed at cole and cole’s pissed at phoebe because phoebe’s pissed at him but he literally didn’t have control over himself in that era and he’s not getting the space he needs to justify himself because phoebe keeps stepping over him. but they gotta work together to get out of here. and were kinda doing enemies to lover 2.0 but like now they have History. of course we’ve gotta do a moment where cole has idk done something normal and phoebe’s so riled up that she does something rash and almost dies cole saves her like catches her bridal style or something faces inches apart breathing heavy and there’s a moment. like a we’re back in early s4 moment. which phoebe immediately breaks from and like walls going flying up but just for a moment there we see it it’s obvious: she’s still in love with cole. which then segues into an argument because like. cole wasn’t sure. right? he wasn’t sure if phoebe now just genuinely hated him. but now he knows right he knows better now so why are you acting like this? why are you taking every opportunity to shut me down to shut me out? why are you acting like you hate me when you know that’s not true right that whole thing to phoebe who gets the Classic because i do hate you. i hate you for what you did to me for what you did to my family and i hate you because i loved you so much and you destroyed me and i hate you because no matter how hard i try that love is still there and i know that for a second if i stop hating you i’m going to love you just like before and you can destroy me again and i hate myself because i’d let you because i love you. you know? big speech. big reveal. i have No Idea what piper and paige are up to right now. the point is. after this big confession we get the lull the cards are on the table what the fuck do we do now which is when cole Finally gets to opportunity to say he was actually possessed by the source and manipulated by the seer and the only thing that kept him holding on was his love for her and after she became queen of hell after he saw what the source had done to her he knew it had to end he doesn’t hold it against her for vanquishing him right this is where we exonerate all wrongs we’re just saying anything bad that has happened ever? scrub it. it’s the source’s fault. cole has no resentment against phoebe. he loves her a healthy, normal, non-possessive amount, so much so He Loves Her So Much he let her kill him and like honestly would probably do it again. idk and then they make out or something. and then they’re out of whatever plane they were in by the end of the episode. And Then we get a buddy cop episode with paige and cole where they bond and also sort through everything that happened there. slowly but surely. and then we do a real phole wedding a super small affair in the manor lowkey bc i hated their wedding episode it blowed we give them a good one. wallah <3

[lesbiancarat]

svt is the found family trope you don't think actually exists outside of stories, except it does. i feel like no one's left out of svt. when i first started stanning them, i was kinda worried that the shyer members like jun seemed less close with the others, but after stanning them longer, i saw that the members always look out for the shyer/quieter ones. and even if it's not as obvious, these members have really close friendships with other members, as well

right like on a surface level you'd expect to find some holes in their facade, like even if none of the members disliked each other per se you'd still expect that there would be areas where some relationships would falter bc it's just... genuinely difficult and a lot of work to maintain a close and healthy friendship w one other person let alone /12/ others. and yet the further you look it just becomes more obvious that they are all genuinely close to each other

it literally is against all odds like it is by no means a given that a group of 13 members would get along, let alone be so close. but they've put in the work!! and made it happen!! as you said they look after each other and that takes conscious effort, or at least it does at first even of it becomes habit later

the one story that really sticks with me and i forget when exactly they talked about it, but they said that during trainee/early debut days they would literally sit down and talk at the end of every day no matter how exhausted they were and share their thoughts and feelings. and I'm sure now them doing those kinds of things is more organic rather than them saying, ok let's have a meeting every night. but it shows that even from the get go they put in the work to communicate which is honestly so rare. it's not that they never have issues w each other, they've told us they do, but they've put in the work to build up trust and normalize communication with each other so they can resolve issues

like even if u doubt the members direct words of saying 'i love them, were family', you can tell just from the way they all talk about how they approach friendship with the members or just in general that they all have a REALLY good understanding of communication, trust, respect, and all the other foundationally pieces that build healthy relationships. it's honestly amazing

[league-of-thots]

Cloudy Days and Summer Smiles - A BNHArem collab

Pairing: Aizawa x reader

Warnings: none (sfw), hurt and comfort, brief talking about abduction

Word Count: 4.6k

AN: I haven’t been able to do a collab in a while, but I was super excited to grab Aizawa for this one. If you want to see the other amazing works for the collab, click HERE. also a special thanks to @ikinabi​ for helping my dumbass with a banner, i love it so much red thank you <3. i hope you all enjoy this one

          Date nights weren’t really a part of Shouta’s and your relationship. With him constantly working his ass off, and you also having to work, there wasn’t a lot of time that the two of you could spend going out together. Not that you minded of course, snuggling up to your boyfriend and simply talking with him whenever the two of you had free time was probably your favourite thing in the world.

       You’d noticed though, that despite there being a summer break in school, that the pressure on Shouta to perform more in hero work had kept his stress levels and exertion really high. It hurt you to see your boyfriend constantly exhausted, yet he wouldn’t drop any of the extra hero shifts he’d been given recently.

       You knew why of course. You knew that he always wrapped up his self worth in his hero work and in passing on knowledge to students. Of course, that also made it more painful to see him work himself so hard, you know just how amazing he is, and yet he works himself to the bone trying to be better. So, you do your best to try to make things easier for him, going over to his apartment to tidy up sometimes, or making dinner there and leaving it on the stove for him to eat when he got home.

       You swear that one day you’re going to find where he hid his stupid stash of fruit pouches, that he swears are nutritional enough to be a meal. No matter how much you wheedle him, or show him facts, or just be plainly worried for him, he has an irrational attachment to them. He needed good food, and he needed a lot of it, because he worked a hell of a lot. Now if only you could get that through his head.

       So, it’s become another habit of yours to always bring over some healthy snacks, high in protein and salts to help him recover from tough work days and power through the next ones. You keep notice of things he likes or doesn’t like, and be sure to try and put some stashes of them in his cupboard so that he can see them before he goes to work. It’s made it a little better.

       He’s started doing a similar set of things for you, bringing you coffees if he was in the area where you worked. Another favourite were the fruit smoothies he’d make when you were feeling a bit down. Although he wants to be there for you more, you understand that he’s always stretched thin across two jobs, and you always make sure that he knows how much you love him despite that.

       You know that Shouta feels particularly upset when he has to cancel some of the few date nights the two of you have planned due to work. Of course, you don’t blame him, it’s a part of the man you fell in love with. You know you feel disappointed when it happens, but you always try to reassure him that it’s not because of him, its just the fact that you don’t get to see him. You hope it relieves some of the guilt he feels, because really, you’re proud of all his hard work, and love how steadfast he is all the time.

       Though you wish he really would take better care of himself.

       It was going to be a good weekend though, you were excited to spend it all with Shouta, who’d taken a weekend off for once. As soon as he’d gotten it confirmed, you’d started planning some little things the two of you could do together after not having seen each other for a few weeks. It had been tough, yes, but you’d made sure to call him every day or every other day two, and you’d made sure that you’d also dropped off some treats, putting them on his table so he’d actually notice them.

       He’d always send you the cutest cat videos to you, making sure to send a cute little message, his own way of telling you thanks. It makes you feel warm inside, the little gestures bringing you happiness that would brighten your day a bit.

       Anyways, to what you’d been planning. You knew that even on date nights that actually happened, Shouta always preferred lowkey events, something where the two of you could spend quality time with one another and just talk. You’d decided that you’d do your best to make a sweet little lunch for the two of you, and maybe even a dessert too. You’d looked up the weather and it was supposed to be sunny and partially cloudy, the perfect day for a picnic in the public gardens.

       You put on some nice clothes you always had for the hot summer air, and start packing up a basket you’d bought a while ago and never actually had the chance to use. You were practically giddy with excitement. The last six times you’d tried to see him, he’d had to cancel, and no matter how much you tried to push down the feeling of being unimportant, it stuck around.

       It wasn’t about you after all, it was about Shouta and the people he was helping. You can’t be so selfish about his time; you knew what his schedule was like before the two of you even started dating.

       Yet you couldn’t quiet that little voice in your head that said you were never going to be the most important thing in his life. That he’d give you up for the chance to do more to help as many people as he could.

       It burned shamefully within you, how could you distrust him, the one who showed his love for you in al his little gestures and acts of affection? But also, the times he’d snap, brush you off, act like it were a chore to actually be together… those things would keep you tossing and turning for long nights. You know that Shouta would reassure you and help you get over these feelings if you talked to him; you just couldn’t erase the fear that telling him would push him away.

       Which is why you were so excited to see him again, you know that seeing him and talking with him will wipe away those fears, like waves crashing onto a sandy beach. You know you can get over this yourself, there’s no need to drag your boyfriend into stupid insecurities. Especially over ones founded just off of coincidences.

       He has enough to worry about on his own, after all.

       You pack up the salmon sushi and the other little bites of food with the meal, put the pastries in a little tin and add it into your basket. Grabbing a soft blanket, you fold it, place it on top of the blanket and grab the sunhat Shouta had gotten you after you’d pointed it out on a walk you’d been on. Smiling at yourself in the mirror, you grab the basket and head out to go meet him.

        The gardens aren’t too far away from your house, and you enjoy a lazy walk, the sun warming you up. Near the gardens is a family park, and you hear children giggling and screaming in joy as they play with their parents. It softens your heart, and you feel you shoulders relax, not noticing them being tensed in the first place. Part of you imagines being one of those families with Shouta one day…

       You find a small hill within the gardens, the grass rather long and waving in the breeze, hundreds of flowers with multiple types surrounding you. Setting out the blanket, and the food, you take a picture of the area. You send it to your boyfriend, and you know that he’ll recognize the place you are from your many walks together. So, you lie out, relaxing your arms behind your head and gazing up at the sky, where clouds are slowly covering the baby blue with grey.

       Time passes, and you’re getting a little bit antsy. You’ve checked your phone, and you have no messages from Shouta, and it’s already been half an hour since the two of you were supposed to meet up. It wasn’t like him to not mention if he couldn’t make it. He always gave you a heads up in case something else had popped up. You sent him a quick text asking if he was alright, and if his plans were still the same.

       You got no response, and as you neared an hour of waiting you gave into the hunger in your stomach and ate the lunch you’d packed. You still saved the dessert though, the thought of eating any sweets poisoned by the sickening feeling that was settling within your stomach.

       You were worried, and called Shouta just to check in on him, but were greeted with a dial tone message. “Hey, Sho.” You start off a little quiet and you clear your throat. “I just wanted to check in on you, I haven’t heard from you all day, love. Just… let me know if you’re alright please. Love you.” You quickly hang up so he doesn’t hear your heavy sigh.

       What if he just didn’t want to deal with you anymore? You know it’s illogical and yet… its too coincidental a timing for your brain to let it go. Plus, he’d never skipped out on a meet up between the two of you without saying anything, and it was throwing your world off balance. You feel a wetness on your face, and you look up to see that clouds had completely covered the sky, and rain had started falling down from them.

       You laughed a little at the sight. Truly, this date was not supposed to happen, even the weather was showing you that. You leave one of the little plates of sushi out on the rock, not being able to bear taking it home on your own. You gather the now soaked blanket and the basket still full of treats you’d spent hours making.

       The cold rain patters down your back and you shiver as you begin your movements back in the direction of your home.

        You figure you’ll hear from Shouta soon. He might have completely neglected you on that day, but it was the first time anything like this had ever happened between the two of you. Maybe he’d just had a bad day, made a mistake. Maybe he’d forgotten to charge his phone, which had happened before. A few times you had answered your phone expecting to hear the loud voice of Hizashi, but receiving the soothing voice of your boyfriend.

       So you’re not very worried when the rest of the afternoon goes by and Shouta hasn’t made any contact with you. You text Hizashi to see if maybe Shouta had been with him, but no luck on that front. Hizashi had the week off from hero work, and hadn’t heard from Shouta today either.

       As more time went along, the more worried you got. All your insecurities started to bubble up, and all the mistakes you’d made in your relationship – even the small ones like forgetting he was lactose intolerant – started building up in your head. You’d probably driven him away with your constant affection, or maybe it had been the overbearing way you tried to help him. Maybe you weren’t pretty enough or good enough in bed for him, or maybe he just grew tired of you.

       By the time you usually went to bed, you were an anxious mess. There were so many possibilities, and your anxiety was telling you that none of them were good. Surely somewhere you’d fucked up.

       Knowing you have work tomorrow, you pop one of your sleeping aids and try desperately to get some semblance of rest. You know it’s going to be a rough night, but hopefully you can get enough rest that tomorrow will be bearable to you.

        Three days later, and Shouta still hadn’t reached out to you. You felt heartbroken that he hadn’t yet, and felt unfairly abandoned. Neither of his friends had heard from him either, and you doubt that they were covering up from him either, because you’d heard the worried undertones of their voice. It terrified you to think that the closest people in his life had no idea where he was or what he was doing.

       Unbidden images of your boyfriend bloody and broken in torn down places were constantly popping up into your brain. At this point, you just wanted to know if he was alive, because you’d gone to his apartment and there had been no sign of anyone having been there for a few days at least.

       You tried to keep your mind away from that dark place, and yet it would keep circling back, as if to say that the worst-case scenario was happening right at that very moment.

       It was driving you mad with worry, and you called the agency that Shouta was working for at the moment just in case they could tell you. Most of the time, you wouldn’t be allowed to know anything confidential. Even though you were the emergency contact for Shouta, you were still a civilian, and that meant that you were often left in the dark about certain conditions and events that your lover was a part of.

       “Hello, this is Sleep-stroke Agency, how may I direct your call.” The woman’s voice on the other side of the line was smooth and had a soft tone. It soothed your nerves enough to allow you to pull yourself together to find the words you needed.

       “Hi, um- this is Ms. Y/L/N. I’m the emergency contact for Aizawa Shouta, Eraserhead. He works for this agency at the moment.” You take another slow breath and let it out. “I’m calling because its been a few days since me, or his close hero friends had heard from him, and I was wondering if something had happened to him…” you taper off and you wait for the reply.

       You hear some quick typing in the background, a little mumbling that you can’t make out until she stops and clears her voice with a rather pointed cough. “Ah, I’m really sorry, but I cannot tell you, dear. That’s classified information.”

       “Can you at least tell me if he’s alive?” you plead with her, desperate. You should’ve known right away that something really major must’ve happened, how could you have ever doubted your Shouta?

       “The rules are clear, Ms. There was an unexpected circumstance that arose and needed Eraserhead’s presence. I cannot tell you any more detail than that.” Her voice drops the professional tone for a few seconds. “I know how hard this can be, hun. Please try to hold yourself together until you get some concrete news.”

       “Yes, of course. Thank you for your time.” You hang up and feel the energy drain from your body as you slump onto the couch.

       Guilt and worry and fear were all mixing into this toxic combination as you sat with all your thoughts, and you soaked in them, unable to gather the strength to pull yourself out. If something had happened to him, something serious, when you were worried about how good the desserts would taste, or if he were going to break up with you… Well, you wouldn’t be able to forgive yourself for a long time.

       In a daze you blindly call one of your friends, blearily noticing it’s the middle of the afternoon and she should be able to take your call. You needed some words of comfort right now, no matter who they’re from. You barely hear the hello she greets you with before you start sobbing into the phone uncontrollably.

        It’s been two weeks now, although you can’t tell from feeling it. It seems like no time has passed since you’d made that phone call to Shouta’s agency, your life had become a daze. Somehow you managed to go to work and make three meals a day for yourself, but you couldn’t really recall what you’d been doing. If someone were to ask you what you’d been doing, all you’d be able to reply with is nothing, because all you could do at home was blearily look at the walls, ceiling, window… Without any clear news, you were shrouded in this cloud of uncertainty, completely helpless on deciding what you should actually do in response to this nightmare.

       It was approaching your third anniversary, and you weren’t even sure if he was alive to celebrate it. That thought sobered you up, and you shakily made yourself some tea, to warm your hands which felt frozen at in your terror. You need something to ground you, something that will make everything feel real again, so you begin your breathing techniques. You listen to asmr, something that would often calm you.

       Eventually, with you working at it, you manage to calm yourself, despite the odds stacked against you. Needing a distraction, you turn on the TV as you curl up in a blanket near the fireplace on the side of your living room. Sleep had become your enemy during the few weeks, although you wanted nothing but the sweet embrace of numbness it would give you.

        You couldn’t sleep yet again, so you’d migrated to the couch to read a little bit and look over some of the news. Apparently, rompers were making a comeback, though you weren’t too surprised about that.

       It was all in the name of distraction anyways. The TV had gotten stale, and you felt yourself dripping into that scattered and anxious headspace, so you had to change it up, keep everything else at bay until you had an idea of what to do.

It’s one in the morning when you hear the weak knock at the door, and instantly, you’re on high alert, your nerves tingling. You quickly make your way up to it and use the peephole to catch a glimpse of whoever would be knocking on your door this late. You nearly burst into tears right then and there upon seeing your boyfriend’s face, bruised and scratched, but whole.

       You fumble with the locks in your haste to open it up, the desire to hold him, to make sure he was really there making your movements feel alien. “Shouta!” you cry as you finally fling it open, and you can see his eyes soften as he looks down at you.

       “Hi there, kitten. Can I come in?” his voice is hoarse and a little bit shaky, but his words are clear as a summer sky. You immediately throw your arms around him, squeezing him tight against you, and his head comes down onto your shoulder as he wraps his own around you as well.

       “Of course,” you say thickly, through new tears that threaten to spill from your eyes. “There’s always room in here for you, Sho.” You lead him into your living area, making him lie down on the couch while you sit on the floor by his head. You run your fingers through his hair, gently combing out the larger knots as you lay your head down onto his chest. His heart is thumping in a steady rhythm, and you start to relax as you realize that, no, this isn’t a dream. This is real, your boyfriend is alive and ok, though a little bit worse for wear.

       The two of you sit in silence for a little bit, his eyes closing and his breathing relaxing as he leans into the hand tangled in his hair. It brings a soft smile to your face, and you file away the memory to be able to look back on.

       “Shouta, I’m going to get you some tea if you’d like it.” You say softly, almost afraid to disturb the little bit of peace the two of you have made on your couch at 1 in the morning. His eyes open lazily and he nods his assent, and you go to get his favourite blend you have sitting in the top shelf with your other types.

       Once the kettles done its work, you bring two cups over to coffee table. Shouta has already sat up and accepts the tea with a small smile as you move to sit beside him. The two of you drink in silence for a little while, not afraid to disturb anything, but simply to preserve the moment before talks need to happen.

       As the two of you finish, he clears his throat. “I’m sorry for missing our picnic, love.” He says, rather gruffly, as if to hide the thick emotion knotting his words. “I- well I wasn’t expecting to have to go to another city.”

       “Why did you, they said it was some classified mission, even Hizashi and Nemuri had no idea. They were scared, and honestly… that was terrifying.” You tell him the truth, because that’s how the two of you are, valuing clarity in your relationship.

       He fiddles a little with the scarf that’s always present around his shoulders. “The whole thing was a setup. I got on the train early that morning and was knocked unconscious.” He starts in a monotone voice, factually, as if he were still processing it himself. “I didn’t even know how much time had passed until I’d woken up in the hospital two days ago. I was unconscious for most of my stay there, and they didn’t give me access to anything or anyone until they were sure I was clear.”

       “Oh my god…” Your eyes had widened as you looked at him with horror, it sounded so much worse than he was saying. You pulled him close to you. He was trembling just barely beneath your grasp, a sign of just how intense the past couple of weeks had been for him. You try your best to be a rock for him, comforting him and listening to him talk about what he could. He didn’t go into graphic detail, but just the bare bones had you fighting back anger and sadness. He shouldn’t have had to go through that.

       You help him get ready for sleep, bringing him some extra clothes and taking out the spare toothbrush you had for him. He thanks you with a swift kiss to your forehead, and you giggle before going back to the other room to clean up the dishes. You made the decision there, that you wouldn’t bring up your insecurities to him until he was back into the groove of daily life, and had time to recover.

       After cleaning yourself up, you drag Shouta to bed, and the two of you fall asleep wrapped in each others arms.

        About a month had passed since that night where Shouta had come to your doorstep early in the morning and wrecked. Since then things had begun their return to normalcy, something which both relieved you and at the same time made you a little nervous. You weren’t sure how to ever broach the topic you wanted to with him.

       Which was illogical, as he would say. You know he takes you seriously, and that he’d want to put your fears at rest. But, part of you feels so guilty for even thinking of doubting him, and you don’t want to hurt him like that. You trust him more than anyone, you just had a lack of faith in yourself that was hard to ignore sometimes.

       The opportunity came when he suggested the two of you tried to do the picnic once again, much to your delight. He’d asked softly if you would make the same meal again, he said it had looked delicious and he wanted to try it. You could only smile and agree, knowing how much he hated cooking himself, but loved yours heartily.

       You’d done much the same thing as last time, though now, with a little trepidation just due to the fact that last time you’d tried this, Shouta had gotten kidnapped. But there was nothing else to do other than to shake yourself out of it and move forwards. So that’s what you did.

       You made your way to the same area, heart pattering as you found the spot empty. He wasn’t there yet, that much was clear, but that was normal, he wasn’t a tardy man, but he also didn’t see the use of going to things earlier than he had planned.

       Ten, fifteen, thirty minutes go buy, and with each passing minute, you feel your heart grow heavier. Why did such shitty things happen to you on what were supposed to be events filled with happiness? There are still no clouds in the sky though, and you look up and stare into the never ending blue. Maybe it just wasn’t meant to be, and you’d just have to live with that.

       You don’t remember closing your eyes, but you do remember the soft laugh of your boyfriend waking you up. You open your eyes blearily to the beautiful sight of your boyfriend smiling happily and it brings a sleepy smile to your face.

       “Shouta! You came.” You exclaim happily. He looks a bit confused at that.

       “Of course I did, Y/N, why wouldn’t I?” Curse your still half-asleep brain. You didn’t want to bring it up like this.

       “It’s nothing,” you try to brush it off, knowing it likely won’t work.

       “Obviously not. Tell me what’s wrong.”

       “It’s really stupid looking back on it…”

       “I don’t care about that kitten, just be honest with me.”

       “It’s not a slight on you at all though, okay? Keep that in mind please, Shouta.”

       He looks confused for a second. “Of course.”

       You take a deep breath. “It’s just that, it was really hard to see you for a few weeks before you had your unplanned trip.” He nods his agreement. “I knew it wasn’t the case, but I got worried that maybe I wasn’t interesting enough, or I was holding you back from things. Then you didn’t show for our date and I panicked a bit, thought you might’ve found a way to just move on from me. I know you’re the most amazing thing that’s happened to me in my life, and I’m just terrified of losing that.” You can’t look in his eyes the shame pulling your gaze down.

       “Hey,” he says softly, pulling your head up gently, until you’re forced to look into his eyes. “I’m not going to fault you for having insecurities. Everyone has them.”

       “I know, Sho, but you’ve been nothing short of amazing to me, and here I am doubting you.”

       “Well, I don’t blame you. Sometimes it’s easy to get lost in thoughts and start to spiral into overthinking. But here’s the truth. I am in love with you. You make my days better, and give me something to look forwards to on long days and nights.” You smile up at him, eyes a little misty.

       “Good thing I feel the same way then, huh?” you giggle, trying to pull a laugh out of him. You get a small smirk instead, which satisfies you.

       He leans into you and presses a soft kiss on your lips, light and fully of love. When you chase after him, he pulls away a bit laughing, so you tackle him to the ground and start to pepper his face with kisses.

       The sun is shining, the birds are singing, and its there you realize just how much you love him as he stares up at you like you’re the sun in the sky.

[thejustmaiden]

Jaken = Rin's Dad?

Okay, is this how a daughter treats their so-called father?

Most definitely not.

Rin and Jaken's relationship clearly screams of your typical sibling rivalry punctuated with cute and silly moments of playful bickering.

Yes, Jaken may technically be her main provider, but that doesn't necessarily equate to him being more of a father than Sesshomaru. If anything, he demonstrates more of a brotherly love towards her. As we all know, parents (which Sesshomaru embodies more based on real life patterns and parallels) will leave their older more capable children in charge of looking after their younger brothers and sisters. In this case, that would mean making Jaken responsible for watching over Rin and protecting her if need be. Ah-Un offers protection, too. Think of it as Jaken as the big brother and Ah-Un as the family dog who are babysitting while Sesshomaru as the parent of the household is away at work or taking care of business. I mean, they literally fit that description to a tee and I'm dying at the accuracy of it all! 🤣👌

[Quick! Someone write up a modern au where Sesshomaru finally gets out to have a nice date night but everything goes wrong in the most spectacular way. Like maybe Rin and Jaken catch a ride on Ah-Un to go spy!]

I recently revisited some episodes from The Final Act, and I couldn't believe how many moments like this there were where Rin got after Jaken or when she would "put him in his place" so to speak. Obviously, all of it is mostly harmless. I was only surprised by how often it occurred, not to mention how Jaken would just stand there and take it. Towards a supposed father figure, Rin's behavior is downright unacceptable. There's a certain level of respect a child is expected to show their parents/guardians, and that's just not what I'm witnessing here between them. Like at all.

Rather their dynamic has the nature of some sibling relationships like I mentioned above. So I really wish fans would stop pretending otherwise, because based on what we know of father-daughter relationships- healthy ones at least- they don't appear anything like what Jaken and Rin have. If you could please provide me other examples of where we've seen similar portrayals in fiction or in real life, then perhaps I can get on board.

Look, that doesn't have to mean that because Jaken isn't her father then Sesshomaru must be. They can both be her caretakers without necessarily filling that traditional father role. I'm just saying that if we're going to start assigning titles to characters, let's make sure we are accurate and truthful in our assessments. If you're going to label anyone Rin's dad, then it needs to be Sesshomaru. Jaken doesn't have precedence over him in terms of fatherly attributes, that just wouldn't make sense.

After all, this isn't about what you want to see, this is about what Rin very likely sees. It's safe to assume that she views Sesshomaru more like a father than she does Jaken. She knows she's safe with him (broadly speaking lol) and that he'll come for her no matter what. That sense of security and comfort is what a child seeks and what they should always feel in a parent's presence. She trusts and even idolizes him, just as a young and innocent child tends to do with their parents. At that age, parents are perfect and could do no wrong in their child's eyes. Idk about you, but this describes perfectly how Rin is around Sesshomaru.

Rin adores him and will follow him anywhere- yes, even into danger! That's what the innocence and unconditional love of a child will bring them to do if necessary. Fortunately, at the end of The Final Act we learn Sesshomaru takes Kaede's advice when he realizes that leaving Rin with her in the village is in her best interests. That way she'd be able to lead a more normal and safer life alongside other humans. Remember, Sessrin shippers, that doesn't mean he wasn't still a part of her life and didn't witness her become a young woman over the years right before his very eyes. Therefore, if they eventually do become romantically involved, then most if not all of those gifts had intimate and seductive intentions and it essentially constitutes as child grooming.

I understand from a Sessrin shipper's point of view why it'd be so much easier to claim Jaken as the father. In doing so, they diminish Sesshomaru's role in her upbringing. By refusing to acknowledge the real role he had in helping raise Rin (short periods can be crucial and impressionable too esp. in a child's early years so yes they did assist in raising her not only Kaede), these shippers are better able to justify how their filial-like relationship evolved into a romantic one. So yeah, I get it, if I were a Sessrin shipper I'd probably do the same. It's one of the more plausible arguments available to them, after all. "Let's pin Jaken as the father to fend off antis!" is the best chance they've got, but even so, it's still not good enough. But if you insist Jaken is indeed like a father to Rin, then Sesshomaru is most certainly one too. Who says she can't have two fathers anyway?

The thing is however much you want to deny or downplay what Sesshomaru truly means to Rin and vice versa, nothing will ever change or hide the truth of the matter. Please, stop acting like they're only traveling companions and nothing more. Some of y'all even go so far as to say that they're like strangers. Knowing potentially little about a person is not equal to a lack of love and affection. Making big assumptions such as this to defend your ship is actually doing you more harm than good. Let me elaborate.

According to your reasoning, if that's all Rin ever was to him was a companion and Sesshomaru had no real attachment to her, then what precisely is the basis of your ship? Recall that Adult!Rin doesn't exist yet, thus we have no real idea what she will be like or if she's even alive. So how can you make comments like that but then go on later to say "they have such a unique and unbreakable bond" or "only Rin can be the mother because she's the only human he ever cared for" if all that time spent traveling together didn't amount to much in the first place like you claimed to believe beforehand? Do you see how your rationalizing is confusing?

Contrary to what some of you may think, I'm not just saying all this because I'm an anti and I'm obligated to disagree with you, or whatever other excuse you want to tell yourself. Believe it or not, I'm attempting to give as unbiased and objective of an analysis I can based on widely accepted interpretations of family dynamics, development, and any history we know of.

Of course I respect that at times fans will perceive things differently since that's bound to happen. What's hard for me to wrap my head around however is the unwillingness of some fans- not exclusively Sessrin shippers- to apply basic common sense and sound judgment to their observations and deductions.

Looking at all our facts, then taking the small handful of scenes Sesshomaru and Rin do share together into account, one can logically conclude that their dynamic is akin to one found in a typical parent-child relationship. If you still fail to recognize Sesshomaru as a parent to Rin, then that's fine too. In the end, that won't really change the fact that he'd still take on a role resembling an adult figure overseeing a young child's care and protection. Be it as a vassal, guardian, what have you. Plus, nobody is saying here that Sesshomaru doesn't make mistakes regarding Rin's general well-being, but so do all parents. Overall, I think the majority of us agree that Rin is in good hands. Whether it's in his direct company or in his occasional supervision from his frequent visits to the village.

In other words, it doesn't really matter what exact title you assign him in relation to Rin, as the distribution of power is all inherently the same with any and all adult-child relationships. That bond never changes once you've established it either, seeing as it's a special kind of connection one can only form with a child and a child alone.

I was a teacher for a few years, and speaking from personal experience, you don't need to be a parent, per se, to take on a role of authority in a child's life. I know without a doubt that I could never and will never view any of those kids I taught in a sexual/romantic light later down the road; yes, not even once they become grown-ups who are independent and more than capable of making their own decisions. Those of you who disagree are usually missing the whole point though, because we're not trying to dictate what Adult!Rin can and cannot do like many tend to accuse of us doing. This isn't a question of taking away from her autonomy nor does it fall under "purity culture," which is why people shouldn't continue jumping to these outrageous conclusions and really listen for a change. You're deflecting from the real issue here when you choose to misinterpret what we're saying by ignoring the problem we're actually referring to. You cannot present a valid counter-argument if you persist in twisting our words.

Bottom line: once these kids become old enough to pursue a sexual/romantic relationship, of course they have that right if they're ready. All we're trying to say is you guys ought to stop pushing forward this it's-completely-normal-to-want-to-bang-your-adoptive-dad-since-you're-an-adult-and-can-do-as-you-please agenda and not expect backlash. Ship it if you want, but please stop acting like their romance would be the epitome of a pure and healthy relationship.

Sesshomaru may not wear his heart on his sleeve, but it's foolish to presume he didn't actually care about Rin during their whole time together just because he didn't openly express his feelings until the very end. Surely everybody can comprehend that people handle and process their emotions differently. The way Sesshomaru chooses to is completely valid for the most part, so let's cut him some slack regarding this already.

What I'm trying to get at is that any child whose life you played an influential role in will always be a kid in a lot ways to you even when they're old and wrinkly. Just as they will always picture you as the loved one who guided and protected them when they were most vulnerable and couldn't always fend for themselves. Can't we relate this to children we know personally and apply it accordingly?

Finally, I want to end on this note. Could you kindly take a look at these two images below for a second?

The reason I ask is because of something I recently read that's relevant to the topic. There was this pro-sessrin tweet I saw that stated Rin trying to take care of Sesshomaru when they first met is what a mom would do for a child, which in their opinion, translates to Rin being more like a mother than a daughter if anything.

First off: are you freaking kidding me????

Seriously, so now children aren't allowed to tend to their sick or injured parents?! Parents are apparently superhuman and shouldn't be offered a helping hand from a child, even if they mean well and want to help their parent who's in pain?? Now this Twitter user was mostly being a smartass, but at the same time, it was evident they genuinely thought they offered a valid enough point that warranted no further explanation or clarification.

Secondly, by saying this Sessrin fans don't seem to realize that in actuality they're contradicting themselves and proving the point we've been trying to make all along. Glancing at the first picture and moving down to the second, the role of the one being cared for and the caretaker is reversed. So then by their own logic, Sesshomaru IS in fact like a father to Rin.

What it comes down to is the names you give to the roles these characters play aren't as crucial as the dynamic they share. The specific characteristics of that dynamic are what define the importance of said role, not so much the name in the role itself. So real father or not, Sesshomaru and Rin clearly mean a lot to each other. Close relationships are defined and solidified by the devotion and belonging they have to one another, not solely by the duration of time spent together and their proximity.

Well, that's a wrap! I hope you guys got something outta this blog, and that you enjoyed or found some portions of it interesting. I would love to hear your thoughts on the subject from this fandom, but only engage in conversation if you plan to be respectful. Thank you!

[fictionalcharactermbti]

Hi! There's a character I'm trying to type but I keep going back and forth between ENTJ and ESTJ. For instance, I'm having trouble telling the difference between, say, manifestations of Tert-Ne and Tert-Se, or between Ne and Aux-Ni; there are also certain traits that I keep assuming are specifically Te-Si, but may just be Te in general? So, what are some key ways to differentiate between ENTJ and ESTJ cognition? Sorry if this is too broad a question, or if I'm being obnoxious-

This is a good question. I know some people may disagree with me, but I feel people can have trouble typing because they get so bogged down in the functional stack breakdown rather than seeing the type as a whole. Below I write of some distinctions and go on some mini-rants. I hope this helps. 

The fastest way to tell the difference between an ESTJ and ENTJ is in how they lead. ESTJs prefer to represent a group and be more of a guardian of that group. An ENTJ doesn’t want to represent a group or system like the ESTJ, the ENTJ wants to improve it and often believes they are the right person for the job.

This doesn’t mean an ESTJ can’t change or an ENTJ can’t be stubborn. But we must look at the most common behavior they exhibit as well as how these behaviors manifest. 

Take Azula and Sokka from “Avatar: The Last Airbender.” Both are ENTJs. Both constantly work on improving things but are very stubborn and won’t change their minds of the person arguing with them isn’t coming from their exact same perspective. Though they are open to new ways of doing things because of Ni, their Te still makes them rigid. Also they can get stuck in their personal Ni being the only true way of seeing something. 

An ESTJ though typically for preservation can also be a catalyst for change. Take Hermione Granger from “Harry Potter.” She starts SPEW for the movement of freeing House Elves. Stereotypes dictate that she couldn’t possibly be for social change. Isn’t that Fe to care about someone and to show emotion? The audacity of a Thinking type having, dare I say it, feelings and...an EMOTIONAL REACTION! (Thanks for listening to my rant). 

What makes our types the way they are is about a person’s approach to something. We can all be the mentor, we can all be philosophers, architects, poets, etc. How we approach tasks is where our personality types come into play. How Hermione approaches her social movement is what shows her quintessential ESTJ-ness. She takes the role of representative and enjoys all the detailed work of paper work and getting the movement off the ground. It isn’t impassioned speeches but button making and creating rules that gets her passion for the movement going. 

This also brings me to another key difference of an ENTJ and an ESTJ. An ENTJ is more likely to have an easier time delegating tasks than an ESTJ. Again, this isn’t to say that they can never break this observation, but there is a pattern. ESTJs love detailed work, they do! Look at Monica from FRIENDS. She can easily leads but has a tendency to micromanage and take over every tasks. She rarely trusts others to do as good of a job as she does. That is the Si kicking in. Si is so comfortable with the details works that a leader is usually demanded to delegate. It can be hard for an ESTJ to learn to let that go.

An ENTJ is often more comfortable with delegating tasks when needed. Their Ni leads them to looking at the bigger picture of the system they are taking on a leadership role for. They will often be able to navigate who they want in what role to help the machine run best. Sometimes a character can take this too far as people often don’t act as we would expect them to. 

Take Peytr Baelish from “Game of Thrones,” an ENTJ, (who I have been told is obviously an INTJ, everyone knows that. Hear that? EVERYONE! Guess I missed the Petyr Baelish is an INTJ bill that got passed). He often delegates tasks and underestimates others. His intuition helps him to a point but he isn’t as observant as he tries make others think he is. It is why he completely misses that Sansa and Arya are playing him. It is why he really can never beat Cersei at her game. Another example is Regina Mills from “Once Upon a Time.” Blinded by her master plans she often misses details about people and underestimates them. This is often her undoing. 

When trying to tell the differences in these types through their tertiary functions, it can be really hard. Tertiary functions in types that share dominant and inferior functions can look really similar and be hard to differentiate. It is why it should probably not be a starting off point when trying to type a character. Both ETJs use Se or Ne to enforce their Te when unhealthy and when healthy use these functions to let go and have fun. 

Some tips once you get to this point:

-Ne deals in possibilities. For an ESTJ experiencing negative Ne, this means they are seeing only all the negative possibilities in the world around them. They feel pushed to react and change this externally. This leads to them worried that others simply can’t make decisions for themselves and they can become overbearing and make decisions for them. Again, Monica is a great example of this as she does this a lot with Rachel. This is most seen in the episode where Monica becomes all too ready to take Rachel up on her deal to make decisions for Rachel. When Ne is unhealthy in an ESTJ, it takes my micromanaging comment to the next level. Instead of just doing it themselves because they love the work, it becomes a distrust in the abilities of others.

-Se is more impulsive and experiential. This is something the ENTJ doesn’t identify in themselves. You can seem them try to repress this part of them when it comes out if they are unhealthy. They can see this as a frivolous side of themselves that they shouldn’t engage in. Regina is a great example of this as she struggles to live in the moment. Whenever she does and feels a bit of happiness from it, she shuts the scenario down. This is most evident when she is taken to the tavern by Tinkerbell to meet her true love, Robin. She doesn’t go in. This urge is too impulsive for her and a trivial thing to do. 

[persephunee]

LETS TALK “IT’S OKAY TO NOT BE OKAY” AKA, PSYCHO BUT IT’S OKAY 

There is so much I want to say about this kdrama that I think some of it is going to have to be in dot points because I don’t know how else to string my thoughts cohesively. After watching episode 9, it’s further cemented how much I love this drama, how amazing I think the entire crew behind it is, and how I think this drama is such a huge step in the right direction in creating conversation about not just mental illness, but what it means to be human. It tests/pushes the viewers compassion and empathy constantly to show us just how important it is to break stereotypes. Do not get me wrong, I don’t think it’s absolutely 100% the PERFECT depiction of mental illness however you have to give it some leeway as mental illness is such a vast topic to cover and ultimately everyones experiences with mental health is going to be different.

Disclaimer: If you have watched this drama and find certain things offensive, or interpret things different to my opinion I understand. Everything I say here is what I think and feel and everyones entitled to disagree. I also love to discuss things in depth so please feel free to reply with your own thoughts!! 

THE ENDING SCENE WAS SUCH AN emotional punch in the gut. The way they used the running joke of the show (where the characters ask who someone loves more and don’t get answer) as a build up to this climax where Sang Tae’s emotions that he’s been internalising, explodes is just... see you know that this is going to happen but the WAY they did it was phenomenal? You felt Sang Tae’s pain. And even though prior to this you can assume that he was traumatised from that event and Kang Tae’s words, it was both amazing and excruciatingly heartbreaking to see him finally verbalise this and release all this pent up resentment. He loves his brother so much and he feels so much pain thinking that the only family he has left wants him dead. It puts into perspective all the scenes where he’s terrified of Kang Tae being angry with him. Because he’s terrified his brother will hate him so much and leave him to drown just like he did that day.

Kang Tae on the other hand... I don’t even know how to express how much empathy I have for him and how much his breakdown broke my heart. Kang Tae loves his brother. He never meant what he said when they were kids and to this DAY he feels excruciating guilt over almost leaving his brother to drown. He loves his brother and he never meant the words he said, he was a child who was exhausted carrying a burden and expectations that he never should have had in the first place. He has spent every day since then to atone for it, and just when he’s beginning to feel that he can be his own person and forgive himself, the source of his guilt pain and trauma is thrown back in his face. His devotion to Sang Tae was not just a product of his mother, but his over whelming guilt for what he said (and almost did) to Sang Tae. Kang Tae deserves to forgive himself but it’s so painful to watch the process unfold because he has to address the trauma/feelings before he can make any move to forgiveness. 

also a little side note on Moon Young and the fact that she shed tears watching. 

It will be interesting to see how the show handles this. Both brothers love each other. Sang Tae needs to forgive Kang Tae and find a way to not only trust him again but understand him. And Kang Tae needs to find a way to ultimately forgive himself and make things right with his brother. 

I also saw someone mention kang tae using the butterfly method on himself and EXCUSE ME WHILE I GO CRY. I will credit that person who noticed it (x)

wow... that’s already a lot so rest of my thoughts are under the cut !

The writers of this show have done an amazing job to make sure everything has a purpose. All the characters are important to the story and they aren’t just there for the sake of filling screen time. For EG: that guy who started the rumour at the end of the episode about Kang Tae + Moon Young and them getting married. He wasn’t just someone we haven’t come to know. In fact in one episode he was even a character who illustrated how employees at psychiatric hospitals/wards can be overworked etc. and how that can affect a person. His characterisation as well is spot on. I hate him fo what he did episode 9, but when you look at the way he would gossip and judge the patients unprofessionally in previous episodes it grounds his character more. It wasn’t OCC for him to do, and so it feels less like he’s just a catalyse to propel the story forward, and more organic. 

I was also immensely happy this episode that the couple who fell in love at the hospital (Areum and Jung Tae), parted ways. I was so happy the writers didn’t just try to get off easy by showing them eloping together (or continuing a relationship). He was mature enough to realise they were not ready, that he had a lot more work to do before they can enter a healthy relationship. This show heavily leans on fairytales and could have easily gone the Disney route of showing them happy together as if they didn’t have more healing and growth to do. The writers said no NOT today sir! 

Coming back to Kang Tae and MoonYoung. THE KISS! I think it’s important to note that Kang Tae initiates the kiss, because all this time Moon Young has been pressuring him and if she were the one to initiate the kiss it would have felt forced and wrong. Kang Tae decided on his terms when he would break down that barrier and reciprocate. I also really loved the parallel of them seeing each other as when they were kids. They’ve been stuck in their trauma, both of them running away or hiding from their past and now time is starting again as they both navigate how to face it. Kang Tae kissing Moon Young wasn’t him saying “I love you” but more a sign that he was taking down his brick wall one piece at a time. 

Also appreciated that after the high of getting suspended wore off they showed Kang Tae feeling regret and reassessing his decisions about finally letting go haha. This is an important moment to have, as it shows that you’re not just magically fixed. You don’t just suddenly go from suppressing all your emotions so far down you barely flinch when a knife slices your hand open, to WOOOPY I’M GONNA BE HAPPY NOW AND LET MY EMOTIONS GOO, without having that moment of “oh crap... “ after you’ve come down from the high.

OH JUNG SE DESERVES TO BE RECOGNISED for his acting as Sang Tae because honestly wow. I’ve seen him in other dramas before but he’s shining so bright in this drama and I really hope that not only him, but the other actors and writer and directors get recognition for this. 

Another thing I really loved was finally getting to understand more what happened between Moon Young and Juri! It makes sense now why Juri resents her and maybe even is a little scared of her. Juri had every right to have multiple friends, but I can also understand Moon Young feeling betrayed and abandoned. They were kids, and I think this is a case of wanting to fit in with everyone. Juri was given the opportunity to be normal and fit in, and she took it without thinking of how that made Moon Young feel. And Moon Young dealt with her emotions and the situation the only way she knew how. THIS ALSO BTW IS A NICE PARALLEL TO Sang Tae and how he wants Kang Tae to only be close to him )albeit for different reasons but yes). MoonYoung on a level understands Sang Tae’s need to keep Kang Tae to himself because she’s felt similar emotions before. 

Okay but I also love how this show illustrates taking 2 steps forward and one step back is okay. Healing and growth is not always linear and you’re going to stumble, fall back, and relapse and that is okay. It doesn’t mean you’re  not going to take 2 steps forward again, or 3, or 4. It’s all part of the process, and part of being human. 

Ugh omg there is so much more I want to say but I should probably end this post here. I think I need a whole other post just to discuss the dynamics between Moon Young, Sang Tae, and Kang Tae. If you read this far CONGRATULATIONS. You’re a star hahaha