#like youre reaching out for nothing
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I love your ghost design. I wanna squeeze him :^)
If no hug then why hug-shaped???
#thank youuuu! squeeze that mentally unstable adult man! he needs it!#ask#anon ask#ghostsoap#soapghost#my art#cod fanart#simon ghost riley#john soap mactavish#soap x ghost#doodle#fav hc about ghost is that he is so incredibly touch starved and everyone just assumes he hates touch#but Soap is so touchy he keeps forgetting not to hug and pat and lean on Ghost#and each time Ghost is like ‘what is happening to me?? why do I want to melt rn??? I think I’m in love???’#outwardly he is a stone wall as usual#until Soap actually remembers to give Ghost space bc he thinks that’s what he wants#and Ghost has to finally be the one to reach out and ask for touch#and Soap is the happiest camper#from then on they are stuck together with glue#this all has nothing to do with your ask I’m sorry#I’ve got ghoap on the brain I can’t help it#complete side note: I have many asks in my inbox and I’m so happy y’all write!! just pls bear with me bc I am very slow to respond
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Sharing is Caring!
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#lan wangji#jiang cheng#While listening to the Lotus Seed extra I was like 'aw this art is so cute.'#Post The Fanfic Fiasco (re: last comic's tags) I am haunted by the green orbs. WWX has a bag of edible green orbs and I am in hell.#First draft of this comic's script has JC saying 'dude you wouldn't even share with me!' and I love his little sibling indignation.#Middle child power is knowing that you don't have to share with your siblings. The little wet eyes and weak hand slaps do NOTHING.#JC probably already ate all of his lotus seeds. That's on you dude!#Part of me wants to get deeper with the metaphor of the lotus seeds here. It is a gesture of a certain kind of affection.#JYL gives something to WWX she does not quite share with JC. And WWX in turn gives something to LWJ he does not share with JC.#Really puts JC's line 'You're always eating...eating eating' into a very different light.#There are other kinds of starving besides hunger. There are other ways to be a glutton than just food and drink.#WWX's character pre-burial mounds is heavily focused on 'Indulgence'. Be it wine or flirting or hunting or eating-#-or receiving admiration; He is always indulging in ways we never see JC do.#I think the intentional contrast was with the Lan's 'Live simple and without indulgence' lifestyle. LWJ is the abstainer to wwx's gluttony.#But it does expand to JC as well! Both are locked into the role model position to have friction against WWX's apparent freedom.#I think LWJ and JC (at this point) see WWX as something they both want (in different capacities) and someone they want to be.#Yet despite the history between them it is not JC who WWX reaches out to. It's LWJ.#The boy already has an inferiority complex! Stop making it accidently worse!
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the Biggest flex in human history had to be when the first group showed up to a collaborative hunt w/ a pack of wolves
#'hello ugg'#'grug. ... is that a-'#'a wolf. yeah. nbd though everyone in my pack has one'#like i wonder how badass they felt.#all the other wolfless hunters staring at them like 👁️👄👁️#oh god and when everyone finds out that the wolves hunt With them? damn#JUST IMAGINE HOW SICK THAT WAS#i just Know that nothing has reached that level of pure packed raw awesome since#30k B.C. you just had to be there#absolutely unprompted#your neighboring group shows up with wolves and youre like ok. fuckin weird but as long as they dont kill anyone#and then its time to hunt. idk a mammoth#and the wolves fuckin GO FOR IT? fighting ALONGSIDE you and your fellow hunters????#id lose my hunter-gatherer mind#that has to be The definition of epic
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one time my mom was talking about something, I don’t remember what, and she said “have you ever known the poverty of having nothing to say?” and when I say nothing has ever punctured my heart quite like that statement
#I don’t even fully know why. also I don’t think she even meant it how I took it#but there is just some part of me that does believe that that is the greatest poverty#when there are no words in your mind or heart. no phrases—nothing to rely on or fall back on#and you just have to struggle with the human condition and be able to express none of it#and I know that not everyone uses words like I do or relies on them that way but people need some words. they need something#this is why a) I never make fun of those Instagram accounts that are all cheesy inspirational quotes or whatever because people are trying#they are REACHING#also b) that’s why villains who are wordlessly violently destructive make me cry#because it’s just like—-yeah I can understand turning to violence if I didn’t have expression#if I couldn’t get anything out#also also this is not related but I watched some movie or tv show the other day (and I cannot for the life of me remember which one it was)#but there was this couple on a date and the girl asks him to complete all these proverbs after she gives him the first half#because ‘a man who knows his proverbs can’t be all bad’ and it shook. Me. To. My. CORE.#also also!! this is why I teach! it’s the heart of it for me!! And why I make them memorize poetry. like.#and put quotes on the board every day. like. You will have words and images in your mind and your heart from my class if I have anything#to say about it#anyway sometimes my mom says things and casually devastates me#and I think (I think) she was just talking about the poverty of having no news because nothing is going on#and so you have nothing to share with someone. and she was talking about my Grandma and how sometimes she was just so sullen and quiet#but it’s just because there was nothing to say#anyway anyway anyway that is also why the one time on the phone my grandma said who has known the mind of the Lord —shook me so much#because she never really said anything. words were not her thing and she never quoted anything#and suddenly her saying this line of scripture that said more than any words I’d ever said —one of the defining moments of my life#tbh. anyway this is very long I’m sorry. I have woken up this morning crying about this. idk.
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just an fyi, and it feels like it needs to be said here: your blog is your own space and you should be able to say whatever the fuck you want. if you’re sad? vent. get sad. maybe put it under a cut, definitely tag it, but get sad. if you feel like you need someone to talk to? drop a freaking message about how you’re feeling like you could use a buddy, or anything randomly engaging. if you’re having a hard time, you should feel safe and okay to talk about it in your own space. we’re writers and we’re people and while there’s a lot to be said for how engagement outside of oneself is necessary in rp (and really really needs to improve), i think there’s a lot that must be said about people reaching out to others. it’s become so solitary here — the whole ‘reblog from source’ thing when it comes to shit like about and musings is absurd. the whole refusing to like things is ridiculous. yes, curate your space, that’s important, but curating your space into a studio apartment only you live in doesn’t make this a community anymore, it makes it a studio apartment you live in.
just be yourself here. do whatever you want. but i’m always saying: remember you’re not alone, and don’t let yourself feel that way.
#ooc. o kaptain.#[this is illogically worded and after an argument I’m already upset but I just felt like this has to be put here. it’s been sitting on my#brain for so long and it’s something i just wanted to discuss. the way the rpc has become not even an echo chamber just… a shitty ny#apartment only one person lives in that can fit your fridge and your bedroom in the same room. the way literal fandoms have divided each#other through nothing but massive senses of entitlement and so much gatekeepy fucking language. it’s exhausting to watch this happen#literally all because i have no idea where interaction went and yes I’ve been virtually inactive for months now but. it absolutely isn’t for#lack of trying to come back. it’s hugely due to a lack of interaction whenever I reach out and then the feeling like I’m being either#entertained or dismissed. this is a social space and we’re people and everybody just needs to recognize that. like. last week my introverted#broski started discussing how as he’s older he feels loneliness more tangibly but he hates people and i looked right at him and said …yeah#dude. that’s natural. we’re humans. we need each other to live. we need spaces we create and communities we make. but like. there need to be#interactive people in those spaces. we’re social creatures. i love you guys and this is a ramble but… it’s been on my mind awhile. and#frankly? feels kinda good to finally speak my mind.]
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I love that his bodyguard is clearly A-grade but I fucking hate that it’s come to the point that he needs one at all
I suppose it's inevitable when you get this popular but... :(
#käärijä#i know it's for the best not only for him but the whole team#but...ugh#stalkers are wild to me#because I feel like I've become as horny/insane about him as one can get#and yet I can't even begin to imagine doing anything insane enough to warrant my idol needing security#even when i was a teenager with poorer judgement skills#my self-preservation instincts have always been stronger than my love for any man lmao#but fr you gotta let your idols come to you#nothing's guaranteed ofc but it's happened to me before with a popular artist in Canada and was an amazing experience#but it only happened at all because i respected their personal space and didn't push on when the conversation had reached a natural end#NOTHING good comes out of harassing them#this seems obvious to me#or am i just too shy and introverted lol#sorry i wrote a book in the tags#oh fuck i just realized i hope his gf doesn't need one too :(
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seen a lot of people saying that episode 13 is a spider episode, but am i the only one who sees it as a desolation episode? idk it’s just the cycle of the finance bro clawing his way up to ultimate fortune by losing everything else, and at the end of it all he doesn’t even get to keep his riches. he literally has nothing by the end of it, he’s burned every bridge, alienated himself from his friends and parents and completely fucked up his health. all that suffering just for one terrible loss, he got a taste of the top and it was stolen from him right at the finish line. life metaphorically going up into flames.
#the magnus protocol#magnus protocol#the web argument has good points tho#compulsion and addiction and honestly i think luck in of itself is pretty web coded#having to trust the one thing you are physically incapable of changing to guide your life#very ‘my will means nothing all factors are out of my reach’#but would the web honestly let people cheat it? maybe that’s why all the luck-based people die horrible on-screen deaths#maybe the web has shifted to chance#the fears have been reconfigured#i remember seeing that somewhere#maybe luck is some sort of desolation web hybrid fear#fear of the loss that comes with a complete and utter lack of control#and with the episode#it’s also lowkey a capitalism metaphor but i feel like i’d word an explanation wrong#man finds app that lets him profit on suffering of others#find loophole and hurts himself + those around him#app terminates him because he made money from his own suffering instead of ruining everyone else’s life#man destroys himself for profit and gets none of it
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I've been doing this thing of like. Not posting anything personal/fun/my life in general on insta until the palestinian genocide stops- just as a way of reminding myself how long it's been everytime I think "ooh that's cute I should post that" and it is So bleak just thinking how long it's been
#like it started out unconsciously usually I'd if nothing repost friends' stuff i was tagged in and racing stuff lol#and a bunch of people from school unfollowed / removed me from their list too lol i see how it can be 'annoying'#but yeah my stories archive is just really fucked up depressing stuff#it's not like I'll Forget it's just idk :/#like motaz had a story end of last year i think when he pointed out how people would repost his stories and then follow it up#with them at the club or smth#and i know that came from a place of frustration etc but i haven't stopped thinking about it#you would objectively reach a wider audience of your peers by posting as normal alongside ig still#me.txt
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Having of those moments where I wish to yeet the like button into the sun or maybe make it so there was setting you could turn on so that people can only reblog posts (even better with the minimum requirement of adding at least one tag)!!
It's kind of absurd that one of my fics is getting close to 500 notes while simultaneously being one I've had the least actual human interactions come from. Like...... come on, that's now how it should be AT ALL!
Don't get me wrong, I'm so thrilled people are clearly finding it and I guess enjoying it(??) but just having endless likes without people letting me know what they enjoyed about it or even if they liked it kind of makes me sad. That's not why I want to share my writing here!
I love having those little human connections with others. I don't ever want my writing to feel transactional. I would love to talk to more people about things I've written. It's truly one of the best feelings and I would hate to lose that, the more I write or the more notes my fics get. Please don't be shy!! I get the social anxiety, but there is no reason to be. I am truly just a Din Djarin obsessed loser.
Anyway, whine over. I don't want to focus on the negatives here and I appreciate every single person who has ever left a positive interaction with something I've written. You are truly a light!
#i don't JUST like posts too often#really the only posts i dont reblog but like are to save for later or if it's too personal/explicit#or i guess i have nothing to add and OP has said it all yknow#but if i see some writing or art i love then hell yeah i always force myself to add at least one tag i like just so the artist/author sees#otherwise it feels like a hollow transaction and i really want people to know i appreciate their art more than just pressing a button yknow#and I KNOW it's intimidating at first to interact with others!! TRUST ME i get it and i'm still awful at it#but just one little comment can make someone feel so good about their writing... why wouldn't someone want to try that at least#especially if you enjoyed it!!! even a key smash or a string of emojis!!!#and the death of the tumblr tag is SO SAD because where else am i meant to talk to you lot?#i mean these tags are longer than my actual post and that's the beauty of tumblr#you don't have to perceive me down here but you can if you wish and i love you for that!#and it's a nice way to organise your blog to make it navigable for others#ANYWAY said i was done whining and continued whining down here so there's that LOL but i always want to interact with more people#please do not be afraid of reaching out to me! scroll through my blog for 5 seconds and you'll see what a nerdy loser i am#akdjgds i mean aren't we all here#spud rants#writing#but thanks again to anyone who leaves nice comments im giving you a (consensual) forehead smooch MWAH
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pipipiplup (and friends)
#piplup#i dont know if i want to tag this one professor layton?#since its mostly a whole handful of little pipulps#but we might anyway#because id like it to come up when i search my blog#professor layton#piplup isnt actually my favourite pokemon#but they are undeniably very shaped!#my favourite pokemon is breloom :)#but i checked out the more recent pokemon designs of the games i havent played lately and i love clobbopus too#isnt technology wonderful#if i were a pokemon trainer#an npc that is#like one of em fishermen yknow what i mean#i would probably have six clobbopus and lots of bruises all up and down my legs and a heart full of love#nothing within reach of my children is unshattered in my little abode tho#visitors watch out#btw this is the first post ive made using the queue!#i think i should use the queue for this as i am backfilling posts#very exciting times for your boy#wdym theres posts ahead of me in the queue now#pokemon
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i look in the mirror. hello pretty boy. would you like to get stabbed
#random thoughts#he looks eager though he's clearly been sick.#enter enter enter enter the person who poet poetry people never-ending defending paradigms made to be broken#glass ceilings much too high make your knees buckle when you stare at the reflection so reflective of something that just makes sense#this plays a familiar song in my mind i used to pick garlic flowers let me do it with you by the seaside#pick the poet technical and other issues ensue#and i am doubled over screaming everything i feel for you#never hatred only love though i could hate so many people#people-pleaser undefeated and they said “take me to your leader”#as if i remember where that comes from but i am god now#i am everything and anything and nothing all at once#and i make people sick#most especially myself#sometimes it makes you wonder if i do it on purpose#i'd like to be an alcoholic like my father rather like he was#because he's doing well and i think he tries but i say this just because#i'm just a kid and i know nothing about the world of boys and girls#i am a mechanical emotional vampire who will crack your head open#upon the rocks of a beautiful tuscan beach and the lord of the flies at sea#he called to me and called me simon but i think we're out of reach#petticoats are for children and i used to be just 39#that is not my age it is a number and a color#i associate it yellow because it used to be my favorite and i'm playing in the sand#i was 39 for a while but i care not to share the rest and everything is just a mess because i lie awake at night#wanting my hair back and a lover that will hold me#though the people need to be held so i will hold them by myself it's never me#but it always is i'm selfish even my mother says so#that's enough i'm overloaded sensorily overdosing#as we release ourselves we find it harder asking for help#no you don't need it all you need is to shut up and count to 12
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I'll stop posting wips eventually but it's been five days since I've said anything and I don't want anyone to think I'm dead/dying/stuck in a ditch and withering away, so here's 10% of the reason I disappeared (the duck is stuck in rendering hell) (and my little baby laptop is screaming at me every time I open up this file)
I might still be mostly lurking for a little bit so please be patient with me in the meantime 🙏🙏
#seriously though I'm sorry for just up and disappearing like that#wanna talk to people and interact with them so bad lately but I just can't bring myself to do it#so the best i can manage is blabbing in the tags like always#i don't know wtf is going on but over the past few days I've just felt like i don't deserve to talk to anyone#tried to reblog posts from mutuals several times but something in my head keeps saying;#'yeah they don't actually care for your input at all and you're being a bother for even trying etc etc'#and i know deep down that's probably not true (i hope) but i can't reason it away you know#and i know the best solution to this is to just talk to someone#let it be known that i *did* make an attempt to#i tried texting someone (and succeeded) but i couldn't keep doing it and I'm back at square one (and now feel worse lmao)#i'm not really putting this here for anybody to see it as much as i am for myself#but i know that (hypothetically) this could be seen by a real human so it still kinda feels like I'm reaching out in a way which feels nice#makes me feel less like I'm shriveling up in my own self imposed solitude#so uh hello person who might be reading the tags (there's six of you guys here now which is crazy cause i post nothing but junk here lol)#((but thanks anyway for following and even more thanks for reading this if you did))#i'll make my way around all the posts i missed soon enough don't worry#i'm sorry i'm really not meaning to ignore anybody#i have drafted quite a few posts from moots that i couldn't finish leaving comments on but i have seen them#everyone here is super cool and talented as always <3 whether that be through art or writing or just finding neat posts to share#this wall of text is long enough and i'm very eeby so thank you again for reading this#tldr; not dead and i'll be okay eventually :)#not rb#hey look i didn't post a picture of my dog this time (a crime)#i'll make sure to share one the next time i get a good one
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I keep forgetting to tell you ashshshah, but your 'mikoto gets pushed off stairs' crackfic lives rent free in my head, and one time while writing an exam around last month i nearly burst out laughing in the middle of like 1000 students because i remembered that it's so funny i love it :3
Aw thank you so much!!!!! That's both an incredible compliment and also I'm so sorry asddcvvg 😅😅😅
I wonder how in-depth the Milgram Voices are... can Mikoto hear us laughing at the mere thought of him tumbling down the stairs.....
#seriously thank you so much for reaching out! its always good to hear people are having just as fun as me and???#theres nothing like the fear of your comedy writing flopping being reassured ;_____;#im starting to feel like the milgram hitman -- i just got a third request for bulling one of the boys asdfadsf#and i hope your exams go well! best of luck and hopefully you can relax now 😌#ask#rose rambles
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sitting back after writing 3k words of a fic and thinking. what the hell is this
#ada speaks#if i say what ive written#this entire scenario is insane but. i guess im committed#it has been a very very long time since ive written mac and its like. allll coming out in a way i didn't really expect#i *almost* feel worse for what im putting him through than dennis. ....almost.#this shit is honestly so heavy i think i need a break but none of my other fics are light either lmfao#whats worse: hostage situation turned incredibly fucked up conversion therapy#or the most relentless barrage of awful truths realizing that your existence is nothing more than a burden on the people you love and#no matter how much you sacrifice and how hard you're beaten down you will never have anyone to lean on because even though youve finally#reached a point where you realize you have to open up to them they will never see you for who you truly are because of the years of lies#you've fed them#*wheeze*#okay i answered my own question actually this is the lighter fic comparatively#dennis is suffering in both but at least he has mac with him in the former for better or worse#north dakota dennis suffers and then season 13 on is the bleakest most hellish time like has dennis actually been close with the gang since
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sometimes I wish I was a more interesting + charismatic person just so I could keep conversations going bc I like sharing space with other ppl but they routinely lose all interest and leave once I run out of things to say/start talking abt things that don't concern them :-(
#and boy do I run out of things to say so fast when I'm talking to friends who ik dont give a fuck abt any of my interests...#theres only so much i can make small talk or ask them questions abt their own interests/lives yknow. man#it just makes me feel like im constantly competing with smth else for other ppls attention all the time + constantly losing#eg. when i say smth + my flatmate reaches for her headphones a little dark souls banner appears across my vision like INTERACTION FAILED#and i can feel my rsd + insecurities praying on it like the more i feel this way the more it prophetically fulfils itself#by making me less willing to try and take up space so i become a smaller and smaller person around others#it frustrates me a lot sometimes and i dont rly have the will rn to undo that and force myself to take up more space regardless#ik this sounds like a water is wet complaint like oh nooo woe is me people get bored of me when i talk abt boring things (!!)#but when im spending time w ppl i like i enjoy listening to them talk even if im not interested in the subject bc its Them talking#and if they care abt smth then its worth hearing abt!! to me anyway. but it rly feels like no one reciprocates that idk#oh well not that it matters. at least i like the shit im into so i can talk to myself abt it in my head or on this site lmao#and i like myself as a person even if other people dont so theres always that. ur no 1 should always be urself <3#voicing this makes me feel so stupid + embarrassed urgh. i hate being anxious abt dumb shit i hate being the sort of person who worries#that their friends privately dislike/just tolerate them or whatever bc id never want a friend to worry abt whether i thought that abt them#and im not naturally a very insecure person!! i think im just feeling particularly vulnerable atm bc of the season + jobhunting so long#+ the fact im dissatisfied with my current social life + still feel very wobbly from not having other ppl i can trust or rely on etcetcetc#and thats just bleeding into other areas. and it sucks a lot. but theres nothing to be done abt it rn bc im not going to communicate it#to other ppl bc im not pathetic enough to make my anxieties someone elses problem + beg for pity attention im too proud for that 👍#anyway. gonna play some noita + then i rly need to work out today bc thats probs part of why im feeling so shite#if ur reading this ignore me im just venting itll pass. i hope youre having a nice day :^)#.vent#.diaries
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fuck, audhd burnout is a bitch.
#i can barely move my body without it feeling like a herculean task right now#my arms and fingers and legs feel like lead#my brain wants to do nothing but sleep for eternity#and everything is loud#so loud#i hate knowing i’m in burnout but not being able to do anything about it because im not diagnosed#i know exactly what i need but i cant get it its just out of my reach#and i wonder if i’m going to just self-destruct one day#if i’m going to be stuck in burnout for another three years on top of what feels like has already been a couple years in it#i feel like crying#not a hard cry#i dont even have energy for that#but the type where you sit there staring at nothing#sitting very still whilst tears just fall out of your eyes#i cant speak i dont want to speak i never want to go to school in person again i never want to open my mouth again#i never want to interact with another human being in person ever again apart from a very select few#im so sick of this#and sometimes i wish i could believe in god#any god would be alright#but i cant#thatd be lying to myself#cause i personally simply just do not believe that gods could exist outside of fantasy#but it leaves me with nothing to believe in#and thats tiring in itself#i want to stay on the bus#an empty bus#listening to music as it takes me who knows where#touring the city aimlessly#forever#i think that would fix me
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