#like. it's been a struggle recently. i am so lonely.

[seagullcharmer]

sigh. feeling very shy and lonely in this chili's tonight

[graevs666]

i feel so ugly

[munch-mumbles]

i would love (re: desperately need im going crazy crazy crazy) to make more friends but alas. its harder than youd think

[sapphire-writes]

A Second Chance

pairing: Aemond x Reader request: Hello! Sorry to bother you but i have a little idea that came from all the reblogs you recently made! basically Aemond is away so Alicent requests that reader! Comes back after a long time to the red keep because she wants to see her boy happy 🥺 of course its just a simple start but would love to see nice Alicent helping his baby ~ anonymous

warnings: none! this has the tiniest amount of angst but mostly fluff word count: 1.4k note: loved this, loved writing emotional Aemond & your messages are NEVER ever a bother! 💚 masterlist

“I was ever so sorry to hear of the death of your lord husband, Lady (Y/N),” Alicent said, giving you a look full of a mother’s compassion, “and so unfortunate he should leave you so quickly after you wed.”

You take a sip from your cup. The Queen had invited you to the capital and you had been delighted to return. Ever since you arrived your eyes had been searching for Aemond.

You had both left on such harsh terms those several years ago when your betrothal had been announced. You had been missing him for years, feeling as though a very piece of your own heart had been missing. 

“Thank you, your grace,” you tell her, speaking softly.

Your lord husband had been a kind man. Married to you as an alliance for your families and that was all. He was nearly twice your age, but he had been sweet to you. 

“My son has missed your presence,” Alicent tells you. 

“I was hoping to see the prince,” you said, heart rate increasing. 

Alicent nods, looking off to the side. Your smile falters as the realization washes over you at her hesitant glance.

“Aemond does not know I am here,” you tell her. It is a statement, not a question. 

Alicent struggles to keep the smile on her face. She brought her hand to yours, squeezing it gently. 

“I thought perhaps we shall surprise him,” she says softly.

“I do not think he wishes to see me,” you tell her, and feel a slash of pain in your heart. The wound is still fresh, though the years had passed. 

“Tell them not to let me go,” you had begged him, chasing him down an empty corridor. 

The one-eyed prince had stopped his long strides turning to face you. 

“Tell them you wish to marry me,” you had begged.

Aemond had been silent for many moments. 

“I cannot tell them what is not true.”

You remembered it as though it had happened yesterday. The cold look in his eye, so unlike that of which he usually awarded you. None of the kindness you had grown to love. 

“He does,” Alicent insists, “he has been terribly lonely these past years. Growing more resentful each day. I worry about him.”

In truth, you had never stopped thinking of Aemond. He plagued your thoughts at every moment. 

You blink away the tears that gather in your eyes.

“He shall be returning soon,” Alicent tells you, “join us for supper tonight, please.”

Her thumb continues to stroke the back of your hand, a hopeful look is in her eyes. You nod in agreement. 

Aemond remembered watching you go, the way your eyes had filled with tears. The look of betrayal on your face. That most of all. That has haunted most of his days since your departure. 

In truth, he had wished to marry you. But duty is often in conflict with matters of the heart. And duty demanded he remained unwed. 

And though it pained him to do so, he had to let you go. 

Aemond walks quickly to his chambers, eager to bathe and dress before joining his mother for dinner. The days have been long, and there is no feeling like that of being home. 

He hisses as he lowers himself into the tub, the hot water nipping at his pale skin. Aemond wishes to be done quickly, he doesn’t like being alone with his thoughts. He finds himself constantly training, reading, researching, and doing anything to distract himself from the constant thoughts that plague him.

You. 

It has been years since he last saw you since you last spoke. He supposed you must have several children by now. This did not make him sad, he hoped you had children to brighten your life. 

Aemond readied himself before making his way to his mother’s chambers. It was to be a small affair for supper that evening, as Aegon was entertaining some guests from the west. 

“Aemond,” Alicent said, as he arrived. She embraced her son whom she had not seen in several months. 

“It is good to see you, mother,” he said.

“I have missed you,” she told him, “I have invited a guest for dinner..”

“A guest?” Aemond questions, as the door opens. 

He turns and his breath catches in his throat as he sees you in the doorway. Your eyes are wide as you take him in. Aemond looks good, taller perhaps if that is possible. Leaner, the entirety of him is ropey muscles. He is handsome as ever, eyepatch securely covering his ruined eye. Aemond’s lips part.

“Hello Aemond,” you say softly smiling. 

“Lady (Y/N) has agreed to join us for supper, isn’t that lovely?” Alicent says, placing a hand on her son’s arm. 

Aemond jerks his head in a nod causing Alicent to smile. 

“I shall be but a moment,” she says, starting toward the door. She stops to caress your cheek, before leaving the room, the door clicking shut behind her. 

You inhale a shaky breath. 

“Are you well?” you ask as Aemond continues to stare, a rather innocent expression on his normally harsh face. 

“What are you doing here?” he asks, his voice hoarse. You wet your lips wringing your hands together. 

“Your mother invited me to the capital,” you tell him, “I did not know you had no part in the invitation.”

“My mother?” Aemond said, shaking his head. Of course, his mother. The hopeless romantic who always wanted more for her children than the hand she had been dealt. You nod. 

“She wished to offer her condolences,” you continue, walking towards the fireplace. You reach for a grape that lays on a golden tray. Aemond’s brow furrows.

“Condolences?” he asks, watching you pop the grape into your mouth. You chuckle.

“Shall you speak in questions all evening, my prince?” you tease before answering his question.

“My late husband has passed,” you inform him. A moment of pause lingers between you. 

“I am sorry to hear that,” Aemond says, “I do hope your children are weathering alright?”

You meet his eye, a blush beginning to creep onto your cheeks. Aemond wishes he could place his hands upon your cheeks, to feel the burning that resides underneath your smooth flesh. 

“We were not blessed with children,” you tell him, “my lord husband was not well, for the majority of our marriage.”

“Did he treat you well?” Aemond asks, voice turning to a tone of concern.

“Oh yes,” you assure him, “yes, he was very kind to me. But-”

You find yourself struggling to speak, struggling to find the right words.

“He did not love me,” you decide, “he did not desire me. It was a quiet marriage.”

Aemond is watching you carefully. How foolish he had been to let you slip from his fingers. The gods are good, they must be repaying him for his suffering in some way by returning you to him. By offering him a second chance. 

“I would,” Aemond says softly.

He walks over to you until he stands directly before you. 

“I would love you, I would desire you,” he tells you, “I do, I always have.”

Your eyes fill with tears and you shake your head. 

“You don’t have to say that-”

“I do, and I was a fool,” he continues, taking your hands in his, “I was a fool to let you leave when I loved you. I have loved you and continue to love you.”

The tears are freely flowing down your cheeks, dripping past your chin and onto the stone floor.

“There has not been a day that goes by where I do not think of you,” he continues, “there is not a corner of this world I could fly to where I did not see your face. In every passerby, in the light of the moon. You are everywhere. You are all-consuming.”

“Aemond,” you beg, not sure exactly if you wish him to stop or keep speaking. 

“I love you,” he insists, fingers digging into your waist. 

You bring your hands to his chest, pulling him towards you and connecting your mouths. The kiss is desperate and passionate, making up for the lost time. Aemond can feel the coolness from your tears caressing his face, and you start to laugh against his mouth. 

He kisses you again and again, swallowing the happy laughter that pours from your sweet lips. 

Queen Alicent stands outside the room, back pressed against the wood of the door, listening to your whispers, and laughter. She places a hand against her heart and closes her eyes, happy that her son has found the love he so longed for. 

note: hope you enjoyed I love me a good love confession, especially from our fave one-eyed prince 🥹

[cryinginmyroomsposts]

New Year's Day - Kim Mingyu

tags: fluff, friends to lovers, slight angst, lil' bit jealous, college boyfriend Mingyu, non-idol!au

masterlist

Not proofread!

"Tell me why we thought hosting a New Year's party at our apartment would be a good idea!" Your roommate's voice comes booming from the kitchen as you struggle to organise the lights on the wall above the sofa in your shared apartment living room.

"It definitely was not my idea." You bite back, regretting the idea the more by the minute as you clean and plan for the party.

"Haw! The audacity... you invited 15 people." Sam glares at you from the doorway, one hand on her hip and the other holding a ladle in a menacing way.

"I didn't know we would end up having to invite all of them." You admit. Sam sighs and walks towards you. "It's okay babe, I know you only wanted to invite Mingyu. It's not your fault he wanted to bring all 12 of his friends. And that two of them would want to bring their significant others."

"I really am sorry for all the trouble you go through for me Sam. I really appreciate it. Thanks." You both know you mean it. Sam had agreed immediately to the idea of the party seeing as how excited she was to see you and Mingyu get together.

Mingyu had been one of your closest friends in the last two years of university and you have been in love with him since the first semester you had met him. After two very lonely and self-destructive semesters of breaking your own heart, watching him date other girls and staying away from the one person you wanted to be close to, this last fall semester Mingyu had finally shown signs of reciprocating your feelings. Or so Sam felt.

At this point, you were so in your head about the whole thing that you could not differentiate reality from the illusions in your head. Breaking your heart had become a child's play for you and now it took constant encouragement and reiteration from Sam to even try to make moves on Mingyu.

He had been single for a whole semester and his behaviour toward you recently had been way different than before. The whole idea of a New Year's Eve party had been Sam and your idea to get Mingyu to finally realise his emotions (if he had any other than that of friendship for you). While the details had not exactly been worked out, you figured you would at least get to spend time with him in a closed setting.

The initial plan was to invite three of each of your friends and keep it as intimate as possible so that you and Mingyu could spend most of the time together. But when Mingyu had excitedly asked if he could bring along some friends, you had given in thinking it would be two or three but it ended up being thirteen instead. Not your fault that he looked like an absolute puppy when he wanted something.

The party was in an hour and now the two of you were running around trying to set right the drinks, decorations and food. Mingyu had promised to show up earlier and help with the food and setup but he was yet to arrive.

The sound of the doorbell breaks your train of thought and you go to open the door.

Speak of the devil.

"Ya! Why are you so late?" You question before he could greet you. As always Mingyu towers your entire doorway while looking gorgeous. He's wearing a simple black tee and joggers but manages to look like a million bucks.

He giggles and pulls you into one of his famous bear hugs and before he can reply another voice echoes from the stairs leading to your doorway.

"Mingyu ya, help me here please." The voice is soft and high-pitched. Before you can question it, Mingyu turns around and runs downstairs. When he returns, there is a girl in front of him, she is dressed in a modest pink dress, with bouncy curls lining her shoulders and a smile that lightens up her whole face. She is very pretty.

"Oh hi. You must be Y/N, Mingyu talks about you a lot. I'm Maya." She says extending her hand out to you. Her voice is soft and she looks very friendly and you shake her hand with a smile on your face.

"Hi, Maya. Welcome! I hope he has only told good things." You joke lightly and she laughs nodding.

"Yes, yes! I hope it is not a problem for me to join." She says as you lead her in, Mingyu towers over both of you as he walks behind her holding a box full of you're not sure what.

"Absolutely not an issue Maya! Please go have fun."

Once they are in, you close the door and walk straight to the closest restroom. When the locks are secured you open the tap and let out a breath that you didn't know you were holding in. It is not logical for you to jump to conclusions, but the fear still creeps in.

"Y/N, stop being stupid! She's a friend, seems sweet and is probably an amazing friend." You tell yourself through the mirror. But the problem is not her, you wouldn't hate or behave differently with her for a second. the problem is you and your fear that Mingyu has again chosen someone else over you. The problem is he doesn't see you, again, and you get left behind to be the best friend only, again.

The feelings are all too familiar to you after all this time. You are very close to breaking your own heart, hurting yet another piece of you to show up as Mingyu's good friend and support him. You are almost entirely convinced and right as you are about to break down the knock on the bathroom door interrupts you.

"Ya Y/N, you okay?" Mingyu's soft "Y/N-voice" (as Sam calls it) booms through the bathroom doors and stabs your heart like a glass shard. This is why it is so much harder to break your own heart. Because this man is so good and caring and everything you could ever want and yet he would never be yours.

"Y/n?" He calls out again. You wash your face and clear your throat as fast as possible. "Yeah, I'll be out in 5. Go mingle with people." He doesn't reply and you are too preoccupied trying to look party-presentable. This is why you jump when you find him staring right at you when you open the bathroom door.

"Jesus! Why did you scare me like that?" You ask trying to calm your heart rate. Instead of replying to you, he locks the closed room door and faces you while holding your shoulders. "What happened? Who should I hurt?" You chuckle and the worry on his face eases a little bit. His care for you only makes it so much harder to distance yourself and try to move on. This man makes it so hard not to love him.

"I'm fine Mingyu. I just had to use the restroom." You try your best to sound convincing but judging from the look of judgment on his face you can say he didn't buy it. Before he can begin his usual "Let people care about you" rant, Sam calls your name from the other end of the house and you excuse yourself to return to the chaos of the party. The rest of the three hours go by in absolute chaos of 13 grown men and 6 girls trying their best to socialize, vibe, and party in your apartment. You keep your distance from Mingyu and Maya, and find yourself clinging to Seokmin- Mingyu's friend. Seokmin is a very hot guy who is determined to be the party clown and you can't help but laugh every other minute at his antics. Everyone seems to be enjoying it, and several games are played.

"Everyone gather round and settle down. Ten minutes to midnight guys!" The sudden excitement in the air is infectious. You see that Seungcheol and Jihoon have settled on the couch with their girlfriends, Vernon is trying to be subtle about sitting next to Sam's classmate who he has been talking to since the evening began.

Right as you can figure out what to do about your Midnight seat, Sam pulls you into the kitchen.

"Where do u think you are going ?" She has the usual no-bs Sam stance, arms crossed across her chest and sharp eyes that can pierce through you.

"I- I am going to sit before Midnight strikes." You know where this conversation is headed.

"Y/N, why were you going to sit on the stool, alone. At midnight." If Sam's eyes were daggers, you would have bled to death in those few seconds of eye contact. The living room is buzzing with energy and you realize there are only 5 minutes left.

"Sam..." you exhale. She shakes her head in disappointment and walks away. You face the kitchen wall away from the living room and breathe.

Inhale... Exhale... Inhale... Exhale... In- "Hey..."

Mingyu's soft voice breaks your flow and you whip your head to see him standing right next to you. His palm is placed on the kitchen counter next to you and he is practically shielding you from the outside world.

"All okay?" He says, his voice is soft and slow. His eyebrows are furrowed in concern and he is leaning down to your height, face inches apart. His face is dripping with concern and it breaks yet another piece of your heart.

It would've been much simpler if you had only considered him a good friend like he does with you.

Mingyu lifts his eyebrows emphasising his question when you don't reply. You clear your throat and nod in affirmation.

"I'm good Gyu." "You sure?" You let a small smile at his concern, god he was so sweet. "Yes, Gyu. Don't worry. Just needed a small break from all the crowd before the new year."

He nods because he understands that sometimes crowds can overwhelm you.

"Why are you here?" You ask him, turning slightly to face him better. This immediately turns out to be a mistake as you are now trapped in between the kitchen counter and Mingyu's big frame. As the noise outside gets louder he leans further down toward your face and you repeat your question closer to his ear.

Can he hear how fast your heart is beating? Will he ever know how much you like him?

"I came to check on you because you were missing." He states matter-of-factly and you roll your eyes.

"There are only two more minutes for midnight Gyu. You should be out there, having fun."

"Yeah, you too." He sounds serious and you sigh.

"I will come out but you should go there. Maya will be waiting for you." Your voice croaks the last sentence and the knife in your heart sinks in further.

Mingyu looks confused at your words. "Why would she be waiting for me?"

"30 seconds to the New Year guys!" Someone shouts from the living room and you take another deep breath. Mingyu's eyes haven't left you and you are too nervous to see him for more than a second at a time.

"See less than a minute. Go out there before you miss your midnight kiss." You say in the brightest tone you can muster, hoping he understands you are referring to Maya and his midnight kiss.

"I don't need to be out there for that." He says the words slowly as his face is inches away from yours.

Huh?

Judging by the smirk on Mingyu's face you probably look like a deer caught in headlights at the moment. You're not sure how long you stay frozen like that until someone yells 15 seconds from the living room.

"Wha- what do you mean?" You gulp.

Mingyu moves his face closer, and he lifts one hand from the counter next to you to hold your chin. He angles your face and analyses it.

"Y/N?" Mingyu's voice comes out in a question, one you seem to be understanding.

Your heart is screaming in joy - "HE WANTS YOU TO BE HIS NEW YEAR'S KISS".

Your head is screaming in fear - "HE IS TOYING WITH YOU. RUN."

You gulp again. Mingyu has the softest smile on his face.

"Mingyu, don't play with my heart." Your voice is barely audible but you know Mingyu heard you. The smile on his face illuminates his eyes.

"Would never dream of it." He says in a deep and soft tone.

"5 SECONDS", a voice travels from the living room.

"Is this real, Gyu?" Your heart is beating in your eyes and you are staring deep into his.

He is now holding your face in both of his palms and your back is pressed on the kitchen counter.

"3 SECONDS!"

"As real our beating hearts, Y/N."

You believe him. Your heart believes him. Your brain has shut the fuck up for once.

"2 SECONDS GUYS!"

"So... can I kiss you ?" Mingyu's expression is now clouded with worry and you smile from your heart.

"1 SECOND!"

You nod quickly and right as everyone from the living room is yelling Mingyu's lips come crashing on yours.

It is everything you imagined, and so much more. His lips move against yours slowly. Both of you are smiling into the kiss. Neither of you is in a hurry at that moment, He is savouring you and you are melting into him.

After what feels like an eternity, both of you break apart for the practical purposes of breathing( who invented that huh?!).

Mingyu's face is still close to yours, lips lightly brushing against each other's.

The living room is bursting with energy and all your friends are there but you couldn't care less about anything at this moment.

"Happy New Year." Mingyu sounds content, his eyes are shining with happiness and his smile is incandescent.

"Happy New Year Gyu."

"I'm never starting a new year any other way after this," Mingyu says and you laugh. "Or any day for that matter." He states as he wraps his arms around your waist now.

God, you could get used to this!

"Oh wow, loverboy! Slow down... we still need to talk about things." You remind him because you have always been the one to bring all the anxiety and sense into this relationship.

"Hmm yeah, but a kiss first?" He asks in his signature puppy-Mingyu face. As you're about to lean in you see Sam enter the kitchen from the corner of your vision. She is startled at first and then breaks into the biggest smile as she leaves the two of you alone.

Your smile widens as Mingyu captures your lips once again.

It's been 5 minutes but this is already turning out to be your favourite year ever!

[the-witty-pen-name]

Love is Blind (Part 1)

Eddie Munson x PlusSize!F!Reader

Summary: In a last ditch effort to evade the normal disappointments of dating, a group of misfits desperate to have someone see who they are on the inside volunteer for the most recent brain chemistry study at Hawkins Lab. 

Word Count: 3.1k

Warnings: Reader has low self-esteem and struggles with self love/acceptance, anxiety/trauma related to bullying, tooth rot worthy fluff, Eddie being a major flirt, cursing, mentions of substance use, brief descriptions of masturbation, smut in later parts 

A/N: I got this idea from watching the newest season of Love is Blind and getting genuinely annoyed that the show still doesn’t have a more size inclusive dating pool. I feel like the show  could be so much more. There are many subjects the show could be featuring that it just doesn’t. Anyways, this is incredibly self-indulgent, Eddie Munson loves plus size women and I refuse to accept otherwise. Enjoy!

Please consider reblogging/commenting if you like it!

Day One: 

Eddie’s palms are sweaty, and he nervously wipes his hands on his jeans repeatedly. He bounces his leg, twisting the rings on his fingers. Fuck, what the hell is he even doing here? He’s sitting on a couch, facing a blank wall, and he’s absolutely scared shitless that he’s finally doing this. Hell, if it bombs, he gets some cash for participating. Whatever, it’s not like he actually believes in this shit. 

He’s up and pacing the room when he finally hears a door on the other side of the wall open and close. He literally jumps over from the back of the couch to get back in his seat. He can hear the faint patter of someone walking. Then it stops, he assumes the person on the other side has taken a seat.

“This is so weird,” the voice from the other side of the wall says, and Eddie feels immediately at ease. He chuckles, shaking his head, standing up to walk the pent up energy out. 

“Batshit,” Eddie exclaims in agreement. “I don’t know what I’m even doing here.”

“I’m here for the $200,” the voice jokes. “But that’s just me.”

He’s instantly relaxed, and suddenly, it doesn’t feel like he’s sitting alone in a drafty room on a lumpy couch. He’s intrigued, and ready to play the game. At least, he’s open to this first conversation. He feels a little better knowing that he’s not alone. He sits down finally, rubbing his hands still. 

“I’m here,” he begins, allowing himself to be a little vulnerable, “because I am sick of the way people look at me.”

“Fuck, amen to that,” the voice responds with a clap, and the reaction makes Eddie grin from ear to ear. “Guys are so shallow, no offense.” He laughs.

“I’m not usually this outgoing,” the voice shares, sounding a little more reserved, “There’s something about you not looking at me that's making me a little more brave.” Eddie thinks this girl sounds so incredibly sweet. He’s never been attracted to someone’s voice, but he’s feeling himself being pulled in. It’s gentle, and kind and not deserving of whatever the world did to you to lead you here. 

“Well, I’m used to being the spectacle,” Eddie sighs, leaning back into the couch, slumping down. “I can’t help it,” he exhales, “I mean, people think the worst of me no matter what I do, so like, fuck it. I’m gonna have fun with it.” 

“Is that all of it?” the voice asks, knowingly. Eddie scoffs at the perception. Is he that obvious?

“No,” he cringes, and he hears a giggle from the other side of the wall. It helps him feel more comfortable. “Um honestly,” he continues, a little shy, “Part of me keeps the act up cause if people are watching me, I’m not alone. I’d rather be the laughing stock than have no one acknowledge me at all.” 

“I’m the opposite,” the voice shares, “I’d so much rather be out of sight out of mind.” 

“Doesn’t that get lonely?” he asks softly. 

“In my experience,” the voice continues, “it has always felt like people keep me around so they feel better about themselves. I know that’s not true- I know my friends love me. I just- being by myself is my comfort zone. I don’t need to worry about how I’m like being perceived. Or if, like, I'm being judged.” 

Eddie nods understandingly, until he remembers you can’t see him. 

“I get it,” he says, trying to be comforting. “I, uh, yeah.. People don’t like… they don’t like understand what it feels like when you just feel simultaneously so small and like you take up too much space- and how they’re the ones that make you feel that way.” 

“Wow- I’ve never heard it put into words so well before. That’s just been my life, you know?”

“We’re really getting deep huh?” he jokes, chest swelling with pride when he hears the laugh. 

“I really like your voice,” the voice admits, and Eddie feels his face heat and he’s sure his face is flushed red from the compliment. His ego has been very much stroked at this point, and he takes the opportunity to fully embrace this whole flirting thing. If he can at least leave this experiment making someone feel good, then he won’t consider this a waste of time. 

“Well, I really like your voice,” he quips. “Actually, uh- I’ve been sitting over here, on a really shitty couch. And I was asking myself what the hell was I doing here? I am probably the worst person for this experiment- I don’t think I could take this seriously. Then, I heard your voice- and I instantly felt attracted to you- if you can believe it. Now, I’m over here, your voice bringing out thing I would never fucking say out loud. I’m pacing around, you’ve made a mess of me.” 

It feels like only a short period of time goes by, but in actuality, Eddie and his mystery date get wrapped up in talking for over three hours. He talks to her about music, his favorite books, his Uncle Wayne… sharing more about himself to a total stranger than he’d ever volunteer to even his close friends. You swap childhood stories, commiserate over bullies, and before he knows it, he thinks you might know him better than anyone. 

A timer buzzes and it’s time for Eddie to move on to his next first “date.” As the door opens and one of the technicians is ready to escort him to the next room. He desperately stares at the wall before he moves, hoping to hear the voice one more time. 

“Please, if you’re still there,” he says standing up, “I want to talk with you again tomorrow.” He knocks on the wall, rings tapping. He receives a knock back, and he grins devilishly, 

“It’s a date.” 

The technician taps his shoulder and he nods, letting them lead him out to the next room. He wraps an arm around the mousy guy as he jots down something on his clipboard. “I have a date tomorrow,” Eddie beams, looking back at the blank wall like he’s looking back to get another glance at you. 

Day Two:

You still tug anxiously at your shirt, making sure it’s not clinging to your belly. Even though none of your dates can see you, you can’t shake the self conscious feeling. Yesterday was draining, all of the dates you had fell so short after that first one. Nothing came as easy to you as that first one, and you’re hoping you’ll get to talk to him soon. 

You take a sip of your water, and opt to move from the couch to the floor. You sit criss-crossed and stare at the wall in front of you. You really focus on your breathing and try to let yourself open up. You’re here because you’re hoping to find someone who likes you for you- but no matter what, you’re still incredibly anxious thinking about the big reveal. No matter how well the conversations go, you worry it will be null and void once they see you’re plus size. 

“Please, please, please for the love of God that this is finally you?” you hear a familiar voice whine, and you can’t contain your smile. “Pretty girl, c’mon talk to me.”

“You don’t know what I look like,” you scoff, but still, you feel yourself still melting like putty. 

“Fuck, finally,” mystery boy sighs, and you hear him collapse on the couch. You can only assume his set-up is the same as yours. “Baby, I have been dying to hear your voice again.”

“This experiment not working out for you?” you ask, sympathetically. You find it hard to believe he’s not chatting up everyone else and hitting on them the same way he does with you. It’s the only explanation. You can’t let yourself believe he genuinely feels differently towards you. 

“No this sucks,” he says, and then you hear him blow a raspberry. You can’t help it but laugh in agreement. “I just want to talk to you.” He sounds so vulnerable, and you actually find yourself believing him. 

“Again,” you retort, rolling your eyes, “You don’t really know anything about me.” 

“I want to,” he sounds so sincere, and it makes your heart swell. “You are the least boring person here.” 

“I’m touched,” you reply sarcastically, and you feel good hearing that you made him laugh. 

“I wish I could take you out,” he says and he sounds closer, like he’s sitting up against the wall. “I’ve got like no fucking money,” he laughs. 

“I hate going out,” you reassure him, “I want to just hangout with you.”

“No, no, no,” he says dramatically, “No safe zone. You deserve to go out and be shown off. I am not gonna lock you away from the world, I’m gonna show you off.”

“And how are you gonna do that?” You quip, letting yourself slip into a little bit of a fantasy. You let yourself feel wanted and feel desirable even if it’s contained to this room. 

“Well, not to be like that guy,” he’s suddenly sounding a little shy and you find it very endearing. “But like, I’d want to bring you to one of my band’s shows. Like- don’t get me wrong, we play at like really shitty bars that take way too long to drive to. And we don’t even make back the money the gas costs to get there, but like, I really like it and um, that’s uh when I feel I’m at my best, and I’d want you to see that side of me.” 

“So what does bringing girls to a show look like for you?” you ask nervously, feeling a little twinge of jealousy that he may have done this before with someone else. 

“Sweetheart,” he chuckles, “if I was capable of getting girls out in the wild do you think I would’ve signed up for this?” You laugh a little. “Trust me,” he further explains, “This is not something I never imagined I could do before talking to you.”

“Okay, okay, I take it back,” you reply, and you're sure he can hear your smile through the wall. “Let me rephrase,” you say, taking a deep breath, “What does bringing me to a show look like?”

“Well,” he exhales, “I’d pick you up, in my really nice and not sketchy at all van that doesn’t make any questionable noises. I usually drive the guys too but honestly, fuck them, I want us to have time together. I don’t mind telling them to pound sand. And don’t feel bad for them, they’re also kind of assholes.” 

You can’t help but giggle, noticing he tends to have that effect on you. He makes you nervous in a really good way, and you try hard to fight it, but you worry that it’s no use. As much as you find yourself really enjoying mystery boy’s company, you can’t help but let that fear creep in that all of this will go away if he ever sees you. 

“But anyways,” he continues, “I’ll admit it, I’m a little bit of a show off. And I know if you were there watching me, I’d just like be putting my all into it. I would really try hard to impress you. I’d also want the pricks there to know you’re with me so no one bothers you, so as much as I know you’d hate it, I would point you out and tell the whole place you’re there with me.” 

Your face is so warm, and you can’t hold back the cheesy smile that has expanded across your whole face. You can’t believe a guy would be genuinely that proud to have you there with him. You really do think that he’s being genuine, and it makes your heart soar. 

“I’m really surprised you don’t have girls fawning over you, rockstar,” you smile, wanting to make him feel special too. Even if this crashes and burns, you can tell he’s a sweet guy. You can see that maybe he’ll let you down gently. You don’t know why your insecurities hold you down this much. You, more than anyone, get in the way of your own happiness. You’re determined to not let it affect you this deeply. You resolve to let yourself see how this goes, and to throw yourself into it- willing to get hurt. 

“Trust me,” he scoffs, “I am not what you’re thinking I am. I’m not like that guy, I’m more awkward than anything. I think girls are more interested in the football star guys, the future suits, you know? Guys with a haircut and go to college- They don’t want to waste their time with a going nowhere punk.” 

“I really don’t think that’s true,” you speculate, “There’s no one with a poster of Jack Welch on their wall- but every girl I know has a picture of Eddie VanHalen.” 

“Is there like a peephole in here or something?” He says jokingly, knocking on the wall, like he’s looking for one. “Or are you just a psychic or something?” 

“What are you even talking about?” You chuckle, raising an eyebrow, confused. You shake your head, but before you can’t get clarification, the buzzer sounds, marking the end of your time with him for today. 

“NOOO,” you hear him dramatically exhale. A muffled voice, your assuming is one of the lab techs must be exhausted. 

You press your hand to the wall, as your form of an intimate goodbye as the technician holds the door open for you. You get up from your spot and head out, excited to come back tomorrow for another round of dates. 

Leaving Hawkins Lab, each test subject needs to stagger there exits as to not risk accidentally seeing the other candidates. You are in a small waiting room, doing your daily exit interview with one of the neuroscientists. 

*** 

Under the agreement you signed when you volunteered for the experiment, you are not permitted to go to any locations where people socialize and congregate. You’re not permitted to go anywhere where you may accidentally see or meet one of the other subjects. You are required to only go out on necessary errands such as grocery shopping or appointments. 

On the drive back to your apartment, your mind keeps overplaying the worst case scenarios your anxiety keeps conjuring. You know the whole point of the experiment is to see if love, or whatever trumps physical attraction. If hypothetically, someone does fall in love with you- your appearance shouldn’t be a factor. However, it’s not wrong for you to want your partner to be attracted to you. And you acknowledge physical attraction is a thing and if you aren’t someone’s type that isn’t bad either. Your past experiences and unresolved childhood traumas surrounding your appearance and self-esteem, makes it difficult to allow yourself to see that you are actually desirable. 

Although unknown to you, a lot of people in this experiment feel the exact same way. Not fitting into the box society wants to slot them in has made dating incredibly difficult for many. There’s a comfort knowing everyone there supposedly wants the same thing as you, just to be loved. You weren’t sure going in that you would even make connections with anyone. At first, it felt like low stakes- worst case scenario you walk away no better off than before. But, you didn’t anticipate actually hitting it off with someone like you have, and it’s opened a whole new set of fears. 

***

At his trailer, Eddie just stares up at the vent in the ceiling above his bed. He blows out another puff of smoke and watches as it swirls and wafts up into the air around him. His thoughts are consumed entirely with you. He watches how the smoke from his blunt mixes with the smoke of his burning incense and his mind drifts, just completely fixated on how the minutes on the clock tick by until he can talk to you again. 

He wonders if you’re thinking about him, the same way he’s thinking about you. He wonders if you’re trying to picture what he looks like the same way he’s making guesses about you. He thinks about if you smoke, and he imagines what it’d be like if he was sharing this with you. Thinking about what it would look like, your lips around the joint, blowing out smoke from what he imagines is just a sexy mouth. He can’t help but close his eyes and let a little frustrated groan escape at the thought. 

He can’t picture the entirety of you, but more so he can imagine just your presence in his room. He imagines the feeling of someone laying beside him, smooth skin he can run his hands across, the warmth radiating off of another body in his bed. He has your voice in his head, wishing you were talking to him now. 

With his eyes closed, joint put aside on his ashtray, he imagines it’s your hands tugging down his jeans, and it’s your hand wrapping around his hard cock that’s staining the band of his boxers now. He thinks about your laugh, and that adorable giggle of yours, and how much he can bask in the fact that it’s him who elicits those reactions from you. He thinks about the sweet voice, the flirty fluctuations of your tone when you warmed up to him. He imagines you using that same voice to tease him if you were here, seeing just how much of a mess you’ve made of him. 

He’s never been able to get off without some kind of visual aid, so to speak, before. Now, he’s practically whimpering just thinking about the sound of your voice and thinking about your hands on him. He thinks about the feeling of your hands working his length up and down. He imagines how playful it would be, rolling around on this bed with you as the layers you're both wearing come off. He doesn’t even need to try to think about what you look like to feel aroused by you. He doesn’t even care in the slightest at this moment. 

He’s so needy, twitching as he feels himself get closer, and he thinks about what you would be whispering in his ear to get him to finish. He imagines the praise, and the way you would be begging for his cum. He realizes he doesn’t even know your name, as he’s hit with the urge to call it out. 

“Fuck, pretty girl,” he moans instead, working himself up to his release. He keeps moaning out his little nickname for you until he’s made a mess of his shirt and he’s gasping to catch his breath as his orgasm extracted all the energy from his body. 

Tomorrow, he resolves, he needs to learn your name. 

PART TWO

[whokilledjared]

the sluttiest thing a man can do is be himself. (& takes on social media)

Hi.

I'm lonely.

The moment I got "two weeks off school" in sophomore year, life went to 4x speed & I can't turn it off no matter how hard I try.

Maybe COVID-19 adolescence did numbers on me. Somewhere between the iPhone 5c and ChatGPT, 14-hour screen times have live-streamed to me a steady, homogenous death of culture.

Nothing is cool anymore. Nothing is sacred. Every movement is a trend, and every cult classic a sequel.

The value we place on things being beautiful, on being "cool," and our gatekept appreciation of how hard these things were to find: it's been co-opted, or perhaps stolen. It's been stolen by the new merchant class. "Disruptors" and "innovators" turning our lives into a burgeoning black mirror prequel. Soon, we'll graduate too, and we'll wring every morsel of value in each others' lives dry for cash.

Plain and simple, I think we're being manipulated.

Your dates are an algorithm. Your music is a social signal. And Zuck knows when you sleep.*

God. What the fuck are we doing???

“Individuation is becoming the thing which is not the ego, and that is very strange.” — Carl Jung

Recently, I deleted Instagram. My first impulse was to post a story or something, announcing my departure. But then, I thought that would be lame.

I got rid of my account, too. Kinda. Over 1 year, over 800 followers removed, and what remains of me is a little grey icon, and "JM_0000000010" where my name and face used to be.

yay.

There were many people I wish I could have been friends with, but I wonder, too, why I find myself so drawn to the validation of others. Does social media affect me worse, or do we all just choose to ignore it, languishing in private?

At any rate, this last year has almost felt like re-learning how to be a human being.

Personally, I think one of the biggest markers for maturity is when you become willing to disappoint the people you know in favor of what feels right to you, when you start to unravel the stories you’ve told yourself (or been told) about who you are and what you should be. In short, the sluttiest thing a man can do is be himself.

And sometimes, I think about every college student that has ever lived. My grandmother, my dad, and so on. Just consider for a moment all kids who graduated before 2010:

What was it like for the ones in 1940? To walk around, before a campus had computers? In 2006: To meet someone pretty, but forget their number? In 1999: To cram into dorms, and watch Seinfeld live on-air?

Would I, like my dad in 1988, have braved cold night, brisk wind, & landline phone-call just to knock and see if my friends were too busy to hang?

What stories could I tell if there was even the slightest chance of getting lost on the way home from a party?

Humans are social creatures. We crave our friends like water. To me, the clearest difference between Dasani and Instagram is that one of them comes in a bottle.

Yet despite these distractions and comforts we have in 2024, somehow, we still have engineering students. People who carve out time in their day to sit down, look at paper, and solve differential equations. But then, that's not so hard, is it? It just takes time. Precious, fucking, time.

At Meta, leagues and leagues of these engineers power behavioral scientists, who are competing for the highest salary. Their benchmarks? Your FOMO. Guilt. Anxiety. Obsession. The worse you feel, the more you engage with their content. The more you engage with their content, well, you're starting to get the point.

Try something for me: Open up Instagram, but don't tap anything. What happens? How many little animations? How many tiny nudges prompting you to get lost? Our home-pages are billion-dollar diving boards, hoisting us over engineered catacombs of subconscious quicksand.

My homepage is my FOMO, my envy, and my crushes. The pain and struggle of trying to be someone who I am not. My little existential crises, bundled-up, packaged, and shipped with a like button.

To abandon your social networks entirely, however, requires a safety net of close friends. After all, your friends are online, and you'd be miserable without them.

This is the problem with our monkey brains. Millennia of sociological natural-selection have made us quite great at feeling terrible. We're damn good at making tribal status games to play with, too.

Seeking refuge in quirked up septum piercings and boygenius listeners, my time in counter-cultural, alternative "scenes" between St. Louis and Tampa has shown me that even the weirdest of folks and the most removed can accidentally find themselves reduced to nothing more than high-school popularity contests. Even if I love them. Even if they're amazing people. We're human.

We can't "quit social media" as much as we can't "quit bottled water" Sure, we can, but it's inconvenient. And even without a bottle, we're still drinking water.

So I lost touch with my friends. I got no new updates on their lives. I forced myself into the inconvenience of not having a phone to reach for in fleeting moments of boredom. Suddenly, I was out of the loop. Suddenly, I was bored. And suddenly, nobody missed me. My only friends were the ones I had the time to text. Everyone else ... does not exist.

Weekends have become more valuable than ever. Without the empty social calories of seeing my friends' pictures, I find myself planning hangouts as often as my schedule allows. I have more lunches, more study sessions, and more is done in the company of less.

And I have the time to breathe.

And in this calm, I think I found my answer: it's my misplaced ambition. These fears of anxiety and people I thought I would miss, they seem represent something I want to see more of within myself. Something I want to develop, lean into more deeply, as an individual. And I think that's quite normal; to look out into the world and feel attracted to things we want to see more of. This is, I think, how everyone develops their own definition of beauty — and of coolness. It's largely the intersection of what we find most interesting, and what we want to see more of in the world. Because beauty and coolness, by definition, are rare and hard to find. If they were everywhere, nothing be beautiful, nor would anything be cool.

When we all turn into wrinkles and cataracts, bad backs and heart attacks, for a brief, glorious moment, our lives are going to flash before our eyes. In this moment, you'll see your story. The ultimate progression of you.

How much of that will be skibidi toilet and reaction clips? How much of that will be arguing on the internet? Can you tell me, just how much of your life will you have skipped over to pacify your intentionally-lowered attention span?

That girl whose number you couldn't find Those passing questions over coffee that you couldn't search on Google The boredom of a subway ride

Those are not inconveniences, they're what the older generations refer to as "life."

* (oh, but if you can't sleep, consider this aside: Google knows the angle you walk at, how fast you're walking, and they've got crowdsourced pictures of everywhere around you at all times of the day. fun bedtime thoughts <3)

[colourstreakgryffin]

Heyyy! May I request headcanons for Carmila CarminexReader who has similar mannerisms to Obanai? (Both live rent free in my head) Have a good day/night!!!

Haha. Awww, that’s cute and I can absolutely see it! I am not sure how it’d go personally but let’s try it out for fun. Shall we! God, I struggled with this so much so I’m sorry if it blows

Carmilla Carmine- Bandy-Bandy

You’re a unique one, that’s for sure. Thats what Carmilla tells herself when her beloved daughters, Clara and Odette, brought you as a brand new potential employee for them. A lonely quiet determined sinner with a connection to all kinds of snakes

Carmilla watches you, at first, to test how good you are at the job her precious daughters give you and she is pleased with the results. You’re quite good at your job but you’re also kinda isolated and don’t talk to anybody but your hyper-intelligent ‘scarf-snake’ friend

But then Carmilla’s watching becomes one of interest… you’re interesting, your behaviour is a lot less than what she suspected from a Sinner worker and how antisocial and distance you are is intriguing for anybody, even her

Carmilla does end up approaching you and she gives you a lunch… despite the fact you already have a lunch and whilst you’re kinda blunt and quiet and uninterested with her, you’re polite and respectful to her and let her accompany you

So, this became routine. Everyday, Carmilla comes over to you during lunch and presents you with a fancy lunch she has made for you and enjoys a lunch break with you. She is more of the talker whilst you listen to her quietly, surprisingly

Carmilla took a while but she’s been relatively open, talking about her beloved daughters, about other Overlords annoying her during meetings, about a number of things about herself. It’s shocking for a strong mature woman like her to even speak on these things with her new employee

It took quite some time but throughout all the sessions Carmilla has befriended and talking to you and having dinner with you, you grew to have quite the big crush on her to the point you get jealous and furious at others being around her… except Zestial, to a degree

Carmilla doesn’t really notice how protective you are to him and aggressive you are to others over her. She just believes you and her are friends but you don’t feel that way, you love her dearly, so much that she is basically your everything… even after you feared women due to your awfully tragic past

You don’t really eat unless Carmilla is and since Carmilla is a kind graceful yet powerful woman, even as a mighty Overlord, she’ll eat with you since she notices how dependent you are… on her? She suspects it’s something to do with comfort so doesn’t question it as much

Carmilla is your starlight, the sugary yet tough mochi that has truly changed your life from a bland hell of self-deprecation and loathing to something much worth it. Now, you can actually express emotions better and you want to give yourself to Carmilla as to express how much you adore her

Carmilla is seemingly oblivious to your intense love for her as she has grown to view you, as she acts, like a surrogate child of hers. She doesn’t notice your affections and favouritism and much more, she just believes you’re a enthusiastic employee of the business that wishes to please it

Carmilla does, in general, absolutely appreciate and likes you. It’s why she still approaches and tries to bond with you to this day. You’re a mysterious, quiet but fearless and strong and willing to rip people a new one. She respects that and it’s a reason she likes you

“Hello once more, dear friend. It’s been quite the rough day. My girls have had the hardest hours for quite a few years recently. Would you like to hear it?”

[alexfromjersey]

𝓝𝓮𝔀 𝓔𝓷𝓿𝓲𝓻𝓸𝓷𝓶𝓮𝓷𝓽𝓼 & 𝓐𝓭𝓳𝓾𝓼𝓽𝓶𝓮𝓷𝓽𝓼

jenna ortega x g!poc

summary: Jah gets an important email. Jenna finds solace in the support of her friend Hudson as she grapples with her own struggles.

warnings: mature language

a/n: ngl, chatgbt saved my ass with the summary because I could not for the life of me figure out a summary that doesn’t spoil the chapter lmaoo. I might just use it for my summaries…that’s allowed right 👀.

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Hertfordshire, England

May 2023

3:30 pm (GMT)

Jenna sat alone in her trailer, the first time she's been alone in the last week. Usually, people would run in and out of the trailer for various reasons. But today, the weather forced the shoot date to end early for everyone. She sat by the window as she watched the English rain pound against the glass, caught in her racing thoughts. Her brown doe eyes focused as a lone raindrop slid down the glass taking different paths and angles to reach its final destination.

The young pregnant woman was extremely bored waiting for her driver to come pick her up from set. She tried calling you but you didn't answer and that's when she realized that it was currently 10 am in New York. You were most likely asleep especially since she watched you stream until like 4 am Eastern Time last night.

Suddenly, a knock breaks Jenna from her thoughts. She sighed thinking it was just another make-up artist or stylist coming in to gather the rest of their belongings but when she opened the door, she was slightly shocked to see Hudson.

"Oh great, you're awake. I would've thought you would be dead asleep" Hudson smiled.

"Nope just about dead from boredom" Jenna replied and moved out the way so Hudson could come in.

"I can tell by the look on your face and...your whole demeanor" Hudson playfully responded and closed the door behind him. He pulled off his raincoat and then took a seat on the small couch behind Jenna.

Meanwhile, Jenna grabbed her phone and sat back in the chair. She opened the TikTok app and immediately she was hit with a video of you. It was a clip of one of your YouTube videos that had gone viral recently. It didn't help with her need for you but she pushed it away.

Hudson noticed her demeanor and sighed, "Look so, uh, I was thinking we haven't hung out in a while like we used to and we're in England so I figured we could...I don't know explore a foreign city a little. There's a cafe I saw one night that's not far from here. Do you uh...wanna go check it out?"

Jenna thought about it for a moment. She knew she needed a much-needed distraction from everything. But she was hesitant about going with Hudson especially after he betrayed her trust by running his mouth to her mother. But she needed to do something so she doesn't into her head and lose her way like before. She needed to do something.

"Yeah sure let's do it" Jenna agreed and grabbed her bag and other items she needed. A huge smile grew on Hudson's face as he jumped up from the couch excitedly.

"Okay! So let's get the day started shall we" Hudson smiled and opened the trailer door for the smaller woman. The two friends start their day journey exploring the city of London.

The two friends quickly found a small English restaurant not too far from their respective hotels. They find a booth towards the back of the restaurant and take a seat across from each other. After sitting, an awkward silence covers over their atmosphere. It was weird for the both of them and they each hated how one bad decision (on Hudson's part) led to a fracture in their friendship.

"So...this is kinda awkward" Hudson spoke out loud.

Jenna hummed and nodded in agreement. Soon, a waitress walked over and took both of their drink orders and appetizers. Jenna ordered a green tea to help the little nausea she felt while Hudson ordered a simple water and some sausage rolls to munch on.

"Listen, Jenna, I am truly sorry for what I did. I know I keep saying it and everything but if I could rewind time and stop myself from ever doing that I would do it in a heartbeat. I want...no I need my best friend back.

Jenna sat in thought for a bit. She watched how Hudson's demeanor was calm and composed. She could sense that he felt guilty for his actions and therefore wanted to give him another chance. She missed her best friend too.

"Please stop apologizing I forgive you H&M," Jenna said.

Hudson smiled at the nickname she gave him in the eighth grade, "Thank you Jenster."

The two continued to converse with each other falling back into their friendship like before as their drinks and Hudson's appetizer came to the table.

"So, how's filming going?" Hudson asked and took a bite of a sausage roll.

Jenna sighed, her shoulders dropping, "It's...hectic to say the least. The movie is going to be bigger I can feel it. The pressure is intense and truthfully I'm terrified. Especially with my...situation making things a lot more complicated." She said as she looked down at her growing belly.

Hudson nodded sympathetically at her. He knew the intense pressure the industry could provide since he was associated with it his entire life. But he hoped that Jenna wouldn't fall under the pressure again and resort back to the person she was a couple of years ago. He hoped that the baby and he hated to admit it also, you, wouldn't let her fall victim to it again.

He can only hope.

🤰🏻🩵

The Bronx, New York

10:30 am (EDT)

You woke up extremely annoyed at the sound of someone banging on your door harshly. You sucked your teeth and got up from your bed and harshly threw your door open. You didn't even get a word before the person bum-rushed into your apartment. You looked to see who it was and saw it was Davis looking conflicted.

"Yo, why the fuck are you banging on my door like that D? It's 10:30 in the fucking morning" You spit at your best friend.

Davis ignored what you said and continued pacing back and forth deep in thought.

"Yo, you good kid? What's going on? Why you acting like that?" You questioned Davis, genuinely concerned about his behavior.

"I just got word that Slim is being released from Rikers early," Davis said as he rubbed his face, and sat down on your couch.

You gave Davis a confused look as you sat down beside him, "Well that's good. I missed that nigga....don't you?"

Davis looked at you with conflicted eyes, "Y-Y-Yeah of course. I'm just worried about how he going to handle the world now. All these new rules, new phones and apps, and shit like that."

"Understandable but that's why he got us. We can help him to adjust to life now. Maybe, we can introduce him to Twitch and shit so he can get his money up" You nodded.

Davis nodded, "Yeah maybe."

You give your best friend a confused look but before you can question it further, your phone goes off. You walk into your room and grab it off your nightstand. It was an unknown number, now usually you don't answer unknown numbers but something told you to answer this one.

"Hello?" You answered.

"Hi Jahaziel, my name is Rachelle Towns and I'm the executive producer for the Performer Passion competition. I was wondering if you had a moment of your time?" Rachelle asked you.

Your eyes widen in shock but you compose yourself, "Yes I do have a moment."

"Awesome, I was calling to let you know that you have officially moved on to Round Two of the Performer Passion competition" Rachelle informed you.

You let out a shocked laugh, "Nah you fucking me with. You not fucking with me right?"

Rachelle chucked, "No Ms. Jimenez I'm sure I'm not fucking with you. Congratulations, the judges and I loved your performance. I have sent you an email detailing the next instructions I just wanted to tell you verbally also about your accomplishment. Once again, congratulations on advancing to the next round."

With that, she hung up the phone, and as soon as she did an email came to your phone.

Congratulations on Advancing to the Next Round of the Performer Passion Music Competition

Dear Jahaziel,

I hope this email finds you well I am thrilled to inform you that you have advanced to the next round of the Performer Passion music competition! Your talent and authenticity have truly shone through, and I want to extend my heartfelt congratulations on this well-deserved achievement.

As you move forward in the competition, there are some important next steps that you meet with them and the other contestants face to face tomorrow at 10 am in Manhattan (address provided below). This meeting is crucial as it will provide an opportunity for you to meet other contestants and discuss your performance and plans for the competition moving forward.

Once again, congratulations on your advancement in the competition. I have every confidence that you will continue to impress the judges and showcase your talent.

Best Regards,

Rachelle Towns

"Yo D! I made it to the next round of the competition" You bounced excitedly back into your living room to find your best friend nowhere to be found.

The smile on your face was completely wiped away and replaced with a confused look, "What the fuck."

You shook off Davis' weird behavior and let the excitement of the news seep back into your body. You go back into your phone and go to your contacts. You see Jenna's contact name and click on it.

The phone rings and rings and rings and rings before it goes to her automated voicemail. You pouted but then remembered that she may be filming something right now and can't be by her phone. You'll try her again later on.

You then scroll and click on your mother's contact. The same thing happens with your mother. Now you feel some type of way cause why no one is answering your calls.

@bronxshiesty: i must be chopped fucking liver cuz why ain't NOBODY ANSWERING MY FUCKING PHONE CALLS

@highondatgreen: @bronxshiesty ill answer your phone call daddy

@bronxshiesty: @highondatgreen

@bronxshiesty: oop false alarm my mommy called me back

"What you need Jahaziel, you know I'm at work" Delyse sighed as the connection was delayed due to the hospital's weak wifi.

"I made it to the next round of the competition" You excitedly spoke as a wide smile appeared.

There was silence on the other end for a few moments before a loud shout came through the phone, "YES! THANK YOU JESUS! I'm so proud of you my baby child so so proud!"

"Thank you, Ma! I honestly didn't think I'd make it to the next round. I wasn't feeling confident about the song" You confessed.

"Why not? It's a good song. I keep replaying it at work for my co-workers...airplane on my phone, it can wait til the morning" Delyse whisper-sung and did a little shimmy dance.

You chuckled, "I'm glad you like it. But I just feel like I can do better. I compete with many different people with different voices and talents. I can't be slacking."

"Well if you know what you need to do then go do it. Like you said different voices and talents, now that you're in the next round you need to outshine everyone else" Delyse said.

"Yeah, I just need to figure out a way to do that" You said.

"You'll figure it out, baby child...I have to get back to work. I'll call you when I'm home" Delyse said.

You nodded, "Ight Ma."

The call ended and now you were back in your thoughts. You scrolled through your contacts again and stopped on Jenna's name. You clicked on it and it rang and rung until the voicemail came through again. You sucked your teeth and flopped on your couch. You stared at the ceiling for a second before a smile started growing on your face.

"I fucking made it..." You whispered-chuckled to yourself.

🤰🏻🩵

It was now late in the evening (London time). The sky was dark but the streets were still busy as ever. London reminded Jenna of New York kind of. People laugh and walk through the streets with their friends, partners, or just themselves. Everywhere she turned someone was doing something. But as much as she wanted to relish in London life, she needed to rest for a very long day of shooting tomorrow.

"So what's up with you and Jah? Are yall going to date for the sake of the baby or?" Hudson's question breaks Jenna out of her thoughts.

"Uh...no we're not dating. We mutually agreed to just stay friends with each other and raise our child together" Jenna spoke and continued walking to her room.

"Well that's good at least you guys are coming together and being there for the baby. Honestly, you getting pregnant was not on my bingo card this year" Hudson chuckled.

Jenna chuckled, "It wasn't on mine either...but I'm dealing with the huge surprise like a champ and I'm ready for motherhood, excited for it."

"That's good" Hudson smiled at her. He stops in his tracks when he feels his phone vibrating in his pocket. He pulls it out and sees a text message from an unsaved number.

Unsaved Number:

I have a job for you

I'll be waiting at your AirBNB

don't be late

Today was going so good...

a/n: hey….its almost been a year since I last updated this book and for starters…i apologize life has been lifeing for me this past six months. now its not guaranteed that im going to be posting regularly like before because my job be having me tired and depressed lmaoo. But ill do my best to update within a reasonable time frame.

taglist: @grandpatrolnut @raven-ss @fanboy7794 @morganismspam23 @cinffy23 @darklron @cheesybacon1 @octavias-next-meat-bite @playboysaleen @niqmandu @zaclewiss @yescruzzzzzzz @silentfor @gemz5 @alwaysdangerouschild @onceblinkarmyandmore @melonfruit442 @zataracloud @nepobaby08 @jennasslut @rimaybank @jaewu @j3nc0re @fillthwvoid

[luveline]

how do u deal with adult loneliness? i’m 22, i live at home but my family’s never been close to do stuff or hang out and work is just not an environment i can be close to people in and all my friends work or live together so i don’t ever get to spend time with them like they do each other so i always feel out of the loop. i come home and just hang out by myself and it’s been making me so sad recently. (i’m so sorry for venting in ur asks but u seem very wise.)

I am so sorry I wrote a massive answer to this and it just didn’t save but most of it wasn’t helpful anyways so let’s do round two of the better points

it’s totally okay to vent if you want, I can’t always answer but I try to when I can cos I know how it feels to really want to tell someone something and feel like you have no one to tell! I am also a very lonely adult, but I used to be even lonelier, and here are the things I do to cope with being lonely and to improve how often I feel lonely

I think we must first poke the relationship between poor self-esteem and loneliness, I hope you love yourself dearly but if you don’t it does tend to make you feel lonelier, so if that’s one of the reasons here is my case as to why you should like yourself more : you said you come home and hang out with yourself and that makes you sad but I actually loved how you phrased it, you’re hanging out with you. Not only are you unique and special and interesting, but you do have the ability to be your own company (though I won’t suggest it’s easy to just suddenly feel content by yourself OR that this will erase the need for connection with others). But I do think that anyone who knows you is experiencing a great privilege and that you should feel that way about yourself, you are amazing, you can do amazing things. my scenario was when you’re with Friend A, you’re not lonely because Friend A is amazing and good company. When Friend A goes home she feels lonely too, but why? Wasn’t she amazing to be around? I think if you can put some weight on the pleasure of being yourself even if that’s like. Even if it’s just that when you’re alone you don’t have to worry about being judged, and you give yourself leniency or something, does that make sense?

My next point is that to cope with loneliness I started writing about wish fulfilment stuff, fics where someone appreciated me, loved me, saw my struggles, and I read those so much. When I first started writing, a thousand words probably took me a week, and I would just constantly reread the things I wrote because they always made me feel less alone, even the process of writing now years later makes me feel less alone. If I couldn’t write I’m sure I’d constantly feel alone because I don’t have many friends either and I don’t see them much!! I feel so out of the loop with everything that I realised I actually can’t deal with social media and the feelings they give me and I deleted them all over again a few weeks ago (besides of course this and one other evil app). It’s actually my big recommendation to everyone ever to get off of social media if you can but I totally understand that it’s not easy and can make it worse rather than better. My point here before is that having a hobby and something to work on and to be with yourself instead of by yourself is a great way to deal.

Other ways I coped with loneliness were jigsaw puzzles (so many), rewatching the same TV shows, movies, reading A LOT, daydreaming, learning how to make friendship bracelets, nature documentaries (especially good to see how huge the world is)

If being alone is upsetting you and you can’t cope, please don’t be afraid to reach out for help. You’re very important, and the way you feel is important to. You don’t have to suffer through any bad feelings even loneliness which may feel incurable alone. In the UK there are lots of free resources (many terrible) but ones I would actually recommend are the Samaritan email service and the SHOUT crisis text line for stress anxiety and depression. Both are busy services which can make the loneliness more exasperating but they can help when you’re feeling awful. I’m really sorry you’re feeling lonely right now because it’s an awful feeling that genuinely goes to the bone, and I hope you feel less alone soon!! I’m sorry if this has assumed anything wrong about you but just based off of how I experienced my worst loneliness and what I did to feel better I hope my advice can help you ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[spacexseven]

Thinking about a lil au idea of DOA or Rats of the House of the dead being basically your cult in the god reader idea.

Of course, the other “members” of the cult don’t see you in that much of a big light as Fyodor does (he’s the only one to be THAT devoted to you, really). But they are still members, and little by little they just

Start to like the idea wholeheartedly.

(I love the god reader idea so much it has me in a chokehold rn)

!! anime only's, you have been warned! the following includes spoilers for 2/3 of the unknown (as of now) members of the doa, and other stuff involving the doa.

i'm not writing for kamui 'cos this was a little long as it was. also am sticking w doa 'cos im more comfortable writing for nikolai, sigma and my little vampire rockstar :^^

cw: its kind of a cult, yandere themes (near the end)

you had always known that the rats were only the beginning of fyodor's reign.

and maybe he knew that too—you could hear the soft smile in his voice when he asked you if you thought that the decay of the angel was a better-suited name for an organization that would carry out his plans and catalyze the great destruction you always said he would bring. you don't grace him with an answer, though even you have to agree that it was a name that, once uttered, could unsettle the bravest souls and fill them with trepidation. it was a fitting choice; symbolic, powerful, and ominous.

if anything, the other members were just as unpredictable and unnerving as fyodor was to you once. nikolai was the first you met. you later learned that he went against fyodor's words to come see you, seized by curiosity. bitterly, you realized that the reason why he stared at you so much was because he was studying you, like one would an insect. you almost wanted to seize some of that divine order you had and strike him down for being so blatant about his interest. but when you thought about how fyodor could never look you in the eyes, and how lonely it was as his god, you found yourself taking a liking to the eccentric clown.

there was a side to him, however, you're not sure you like at all. bloodied hands and a wicked grin to match, when anyone else seeks your time. fascination that was both lustful and violent in nature, and a possessive grip that didn't seem to let go of you.

"time for a quiz!" nikolai exclaims, "will the decay of the angel succeed?"

"of course," a wry smile plays at your lips, "who else has a god on their side?"

he laughs in response, loud and uninhibited. it's the most noise that's ever filled your room

sigma was a mystery that had too many missing pieces to be solved. a part of you could sympathize with him, having lost your own self to the blurred-together years and the exhaustion that came with being the only one with your level of sentience. however, you don't let yourself think about the book fyodor had used to create sigma, and what it meant to you. there are some things, you decide, that are best kept to yourself. some things that fyodor should never learn about.

sigma, in your first meeting, was slightly awkward; a perfectly natural response, but not in awe of your presence, not like fyodor. his voice was firm, but not unkind, and his words were respectful, but not...obedient. it was perfect.

in sigma, you found an unlikely friend. he told you about the mundane happenings in the outside world; a customer caught cheating, an employee that struggled to keep up, all the paperwork that was involved in the running of a casino in the sky. these things, as compared to your daily life, were nothing of the sort you would care about, but you listened all the same. regardless, you could tell sigma appreciated the sentiment.

you, however, don't appreciate his strange habits. recently, you think, he's been acting a little too much like fyodor. as much as you liked sigma for the natural ease that you felt by his presence, you couldn't brush off the ominous feeling that came with sigma seeking you out more and more. you start feeling like he's looking for validation of some kind from you, one you didn't wish to provide in fear that he may find this an encouragement. he reaches out for your hand often, something you might find amusing if not for the way his hand trembles.

"are you planning to leave?" nikolai, knowing the fool, must have said something to scare sigma.

"no," you say simply, "not yet."

"so you will leave," sigma frowns. you've seen that look directed to many a clumsy employee and messy files, but never to you. it's almost frightening, "don't you like it here?"

"besides, i..." he stops himself, "dostoevsky won't let you go. and...i don't want you to either. you should stay. we take care of you too, don't we?

unlike most people, you weren't surprised to see bram stoker. though in your memory, he was a lot more...whole and formidable of an opponent. more than that, you remembered him as a man turned into a monster that brought unimaginable destruction because of an ability he never asked for. it was a strange reminder of how much had really changed over the years. now, he seemed sullen, and defeated; it was a depressing sight.

now, he was exhausted. you could tell he didn't want to be here, with the decay of the angel. you could also tell that something was terribly wrong with the sword that was inside him and the pained look in his eyes. fyodor tells you of a kamui when he brings the coffin in, and just by the current state of bram and the utterance of his name, you know already you would not get along with him.

bram doesn't ask you questions, not about why you were here, or what you were doing for all those years. he doesn't explain his situation, and you don't pry. you can put the pieces together by yourself, and when it dawns on you what the kamui planned to do with bram, you realize that there were greater evils than fyodor.

there's a silent solidarity between you and bram, perhaps stemming from being something non-human. you get him the radio he's always wanted, insist that he be allowed to converse with you more often, and so on. these days, bram talks more, and it almost feels like you're talking to an old friend. bram's lived through some, though not most, of the things you have, and he remembers what nobody else does. you wonder, one day, if the two of you could have been friends had you met a lot earlier, and if you hadn't brushed off the news about the vampire ability user the first time. when you voice this out to him, bram has the most adorable reaction. your words make his eyes widen and, stupified, cause him to awkwardly change the topic, fumbling over his next few words.

ah, now you really wish you went to see him earlier.

it's that odd sensation of having a friend, caring for another, that urges you to offer your help to bram. you tell him you can get him out of here, out of the mortal angels' grasp; somewhere safe. you say you can help him regain his former state, help him survive within the shadows of humanity, like you had before. kamui, fyodor, or the doa; nothing will be able to stop you if you really wanted to make it happen, regardless of how complacent you were now.

at the very least, you thought, he might be pleased. grateful. maybe not elated, but, at the very least, relieved. instead, bram looked shocked. you can't tell if the idea horrifies him because he doesn't think you can do it, or because he believes that the decay of the angel was the only connection you had to him. perhaps he thought that saving him, freeing him, would also mean removing yourself from his life. you almost felt bad—you were very likely bram stoker's only friend in his miserable life.

still, you're not quite sure what to think when he extends his stay and starts contemplating, seriously, to cooperate with kamui. you can't wrap your mind around why he'd want to stay, and the possible loss of so many lives as a result unsettles you deeper than it does him, but he's steadfast in his decision. he tells you, with an unfamiliar tinge of scorn, that he was tired of trying to protect people, when all they did was try to kill him.

"if you're so sure, i suppose i'll have to stay here with you." concern weighs heavily on your mind, but more than that, suspicion lingers.

bram smiles, then, and seemingly relaxes in his coffin. an uncomfortable feeling seizes your chest. how had you not noticed?

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA for pursuing a relationship with the person my ex accused me of cheating with?

I am extremely mentally ill. I won't spend time listing them all, but I got medicated and I feel relatively stable. I've struggled with addiction in the past, but have been clean for a year and a half at this point.

My last relationship was not a good one. This girl, we'll call her Emma, was dating my best friend. I was on their first date (it was a group thing because they met online) but my friend ended it with her after the third or fourth date. Emma asked if we could still be friends, and I said of course, but she quickly started making moves towards me. I don't think she ever really liked me in particular, because we were barely compatible, as much as she liked the idea of a partner. It just so happened that she was looking for the idea of a partner at the same time that I was feeling lonely and looking for some vindication. It all moved incredibly fast and about a week later, she was officially my girlfriend.

I was pretty much completely disassociated throughout the entire relationship, which lasted about four months, and I ignored her off and on. I was super shitty to her, and I've apologized for this thoroughly since the breakup. However, she was also kind of shitty to me. She was constantly jealous about people in my life, accusing me of cheating on her. She was especially jealous of one friend I had, who we'll call Cameron, because Cameron acted as my love interest in a production I was in (I'm an actor). I always get a little attached to the people who play my love interests, but I dismissed it as nothing but our characters. I assured her I hadn't cheated, and she even went through my phone a couple times (without my permission) and found nothing.

Anyways we finally broke up about half a year ago, and decided we were much better as friends. She's still in my life, and we're both doing much better in terms of mental health. We both apologized to each other for all of our shitty behavior.

However, recently, I've gotten a lot closer with Cameron. I realized that my feelings for them may not have been "showmance"-induced. I just don't want to ruin the fragile friendship I've broached with Emma. It wouldn't be anything serious, as I'm not sure I'm okay enough for that, but I do really like them. I also kind of want to see if I'm capable of using the tactics I learned in therapy, or if I'll always be shitty.

It feels like a bad idea, so it probably is. But, WIBTA if I pursued a relationship that I know would piss Emma off?

[thedivineflowers]

Imagine being the 9th member of Stray Kids and the youngest because you’re in middle school.

But you get told that you're too loud and clingy so you close yourself away

A warning of angst and like self doubt tell me if I need to add more!

Fans would expect you to be so full of energy and talkative and clingy because you’re a kid, maybe you’re just a quiet kid?

But no, the only reason you don’t talk a lot unless asked questions is because you’ve been told by many people in your personal life that you were just loud and to ‘tone yourself down’. You’ve been told that your clinginess was annoying by those same people. You wanted to leave a good impression on your bandmates, so you’d stay quiet and tried staying independent and not cling to them even when you were nervous or scared.

You got scared that if you became ‘loud’ and ‘clingy’ with them like the people in your personal life they’d be bothered by it. But they weren’t, one day in an interview with just you the interviewer asked about your quietness and distance with the members.

“I got told a lot by people that I was loud and was really clingy and that it was annoying how I wanted to hold hands with someone or hug them for no reason all the time just because I wanted to.” You answered and laughed at yourself a bit. “So then I thought, ‘I really am annoying’ and I’m gonna be in a band with people that are older than me so I wanted to leave a good impression and not seem annoying to them or bother them because of how talkative and clingy I was.” You breathed out and looked down at your lap. “And it’s hard at times because I get really lonely sometimes because im trying to be independent and I don’t really want to bother any of them just because I wanted someone to talk to or cuddle with y’know? They’re the only people I have besides my family and I just struggle with showing them without thinking I’m going overboard.” You sighed after getting a bit off your chest.

The interviewer was baffled because they're so fond of you and talk so much about you that you could never annoy them but moved on, but you missed one detail.

It was going to get to one of the members.

You walked back into the dorm and sighed after the long day and walked to your room to change into a pair of shorts that were just cut sweatpants and a random shirt before going on your phone when you started seeing edits of your recent interview. Your stomach dropped, the members were going to hear about it!

You heard the click of a door and multiple footsteps shuffle in with the sound of bags land on the kitchen counter when Chan shouted "Y/n, are you home?" He asked as you answered back with a yes and walked out your room to greet them.

They had come back from feeding some ducks that were at a pond nearby and they brought dinner back with them. "I heard that you're interview from a few days ago got posted, do you want me to put it on?" Felix asked and looked back at you as he was standing Infront of the TV with the remote in his hand while you were facing away at the counter.

You paused the slightest bit before shrugging. "Whatever you want is fine." You answered in the same quiet tone that you always have around them. Lee Know kept his eyes on you for a bit before going to grab plates.

"Put it on! Y/n looked so cute that time." Han decided as he pinched your cheek.

You sat down on the couch with the others but made sure to keep yourself at the end and quietly ate while the others laughed at the jokes made during the interview.

Then the part where you kind of trailed off was coming up and you abruptly stood up. "I'm full. Thanks for the food." You said quietly "But you just started eating. Do you want to save it for later if you get hungry?" Changbin asked as some of them turned their attention to you while the others kept their eyes on the screen.

"I'll put it in the fridge to heat up later." You answered before walking away as you heard the interviewer ask "So Y/n, it's not hard to notice that you're distant with the members despite knowing them since before debut, is there a reason for that?"

'Just run to your room before they notice.' You thought as you heard your voice finishing up where you trailed off and the interviewer stuttering a bit before asking the next question.

Just run before they ask and they'll eventually forget to ask.

But there was no where to run when Chan and Lee know were blocking your only exit from the kitchen. "Come sit on the couch with us." Chan said as he gently placed a hand on your back and guided you to the couch where the others sat with the video played back and paused on the previous question the interviewer asked.

You were sat between Felix and Seungmin as Felix swung an arm around your shoulder and had you lay your head on his chest while Seungmin wrapped his arms around your torso and rested his head on your shoulder.

Han and Jeongin laid their heads against your legs while the others stood Infront of you.

"Okay, we've been wanting to make a few things clear for a while now regarding you." Chan started as he stood Infront of you with the others.

"You're not in trouble or anything." Lee Know added

"Just know that just because others consider you clingy doesn't mean that we do, and we don't care if you're talkative too. It doesn't even matter if you're a kid or not, you are a member of this band and we want you to be comfortable and not silence yourself because of what some people said." Hyunjin reassured you as you fiddled with your fingers.

"But you'll get annoyed with me like everyone el-" "But we aren't everyone else." Felix cut you off and moved his hand to stroke your hair "We are your family here.” He whispered

“You’re not lonely here, it’s okay to depend on one of us once in a while.” Jeongin spoke up as he looked up at you with a small smile. “You’re still young and you’re you, who cares about what those people said anyway.” Seungmin huffed before squeezing your cheek. “Go grab your food and sit at the table. We’re gonna get to know you, okay?” Han asked as you sat still for a bit before running to the kitchen to grab your food and sit at the table with everyone else as they asked you various things and went over memories.

Over time you were able to come out of your shell with them and fell into open arms as they returned your hugs and listened to you whenever you felt like saying anything even if it was about you whispering that you wanted to throw your skzoo character at the camera during a vlive.

Chan would often invite you when he did his Chans room episodes and they’d mostly end up with you two having your skzoo characters box each other and the loser would have to eat spicy noodles.

Lee know would call you the name of one of this three cats based on what color your hair was dyed and if didn’t match any of his cats he’d call you by the name of your skzoo character. He also has a habit of carrying a brush with him so he could comb your hair if it looked messy.

Changbin would take you to the gym with him and have you count for him and keep him company and when he’s done he’d take you to get a snack and fight over which seat you two would take on the couch before watching a movie

Hyunjin would have you help him decide what to draw or paint when he can’t decide and sometimes would let you chill with him while he did or you two would brainstorm over what he could do next. Sometimes you’d doodle on his sketch pad and he’d add details and he’d hang it either on the fridge or in his room.

Han would share bites of his cheesecake with you or if you bring back cheesecake for him you both would share it and would see who could take the biggest bite and he’d poke your cheeks while they puffed up, you both had a contest of who had the puffiest cheeks and it was left at a tie.

Felix would help you bake things that you’d find at the store and sometimes as a surprise you’d bake something and you'd find a way to get ice cream inside or serve it on the side. And sometimes to mess with him you'd try to bake BbokAri for dinner and in return he'd hit you with your own character.

Seungmin and you like to go out when it becomes fall you two would sit outside in some sweaters and just chill until you two see some stray dogs walk by and then you two run to see who can pet it first.

Jeongin and you would genuinely just bond as the youngest of the group with similarities and you’d mostly follow him around the most out of all of the members and most of the times you two can be seen hiding in a corner gossiping about random things.

HELP THIS HAS BEEN SITTING FOR LIKE A MONTH IM SORRY AND IM KINDA SHY TO POST THIS IDK WHY I FEEL LIKE ITS TOO SHORT

[ts1m1kas]

Original Ask: hi sweet angel!! would u be willing to write a little something for domi? (: maybe like a blind date that a mutual friend (TRENT I LOVE HIM) sets up? (like a meet-cute) (@alit1sa who has now deactivated ☹️☹️)

Word Count: 918 words

(author's note: the people wanted domi, who am i to refuse? 🫡)

Dominik knew that many women would lose a limb to go on a date with him. That wasn't him being egotistical, just a simple observation he had made throughout his years as a footballer. However, finding a girl wasn’t his problem; he could have anyone he wanted. Dominik didn’t want just anyone. He wanted someone special.

The lack of companionship in his life weighed on his mind as Dominik pulled his training jacket over his head in the changing rooms. Trent wandered in, and his face broke out in a smile as he saw Dominik.

“Hey Dom, you okay?” He asked, noticing the downcast look on his friend's face.

Dominik nodded in response, hanging up the clothes he was previously wearing.

“Have you thought any more about what I asked you the other day?” 

“Yes, I’ll do it, what’s the worst that could happen?” Dominik replied.

A few days ago, Dominik had confided in Trent about how lonely he had been recently and the struggles he had run into when trying to arrange to meet up with potential dates. Trent had in response told him about one of his friends who was having the same problem.

“She’s gorgeous, Dom, and smart. She’s got a heart of gold too, I promise you.”

“How do I know I’m her type, though? What if she doesn’t even find me attractive?”

Trent looked at his friend in disbelief. “Are you serious? She’d be blind not to fall in love on the spot.”

Dominik snorted with laughter and told Trent he’d think it over.

After training, Trent gave Dominik the details of the date he had planned for the pair. He reassured Dominik that everything would be fine and made him promise to text him when he got home afterwards.

Once arriving home, Dominik rifled through his wardrobe, looking for the perfect outfit for the night ahead. He wanted to make a good impression on whoever ended up being his company for the night but he didn’t want to seem like he was trying too hard.

Once his clothes were laid out, he had a quick shower, freshened up his hair and got dressed. After pulling on his shoes, Dominik grabbed the flowers he had bought earlier and got into his car. Taking a deep breath, he pulled out of his driveway and drove to the address Trent had given him.

Y/N sat at a table in the dimly lit restaurant anxiously awaiting her mysterious date. When Trent had called her asking if she was up for a blind date she agreed immediately. However now, the nerves had begun to eat away at her.

Dominik gently pushed open the front door of the restaurant and looked around for the person who matched Trent’s description. When he spotted her sitting alone staring at her hands, he made his way over to the table.

“Are you Y/N?” He asked hesitantly, awaiting her response. 

“Yes, Dominik isn’t it?”

He smiled and nodded, moving to sit down in the empty chair across from her. Silence descended over the pair until Dominik remembered the flowers he still had in his hand.

“I got these for you, I hope they’re okay.” He told her, holding out the bouquet.

Her face lit up as she gently grabbed the flowers from his hands. “They’re more than okay. They’re perfect.” 

“So, you’re a footballer, right?”

“Yeah, I have been for most of my life.” Dominik replied, a smile appearing at the chance to talk about his favourite subject.

“Do you play with Trent?” She enquired, eager to know more about him.

“I do, that’s how we met, actually. Clicked pretty much instantly. It was nice to have a friend in such a new place.”

“That sounds lovely, I met Trent through my auntie. She’s good friends with his mum and we’ve known each other for ages.”

“I’m glad you have. Otherwise, we wouldn’t be here.” He said, cringing at how cheesy he sounded.

She laughed and Dominik thought it was the most beautiful sound he had ever heard.

The conversation continued flowing as the pair got to know one another. Once the pair had gotten through their food and drinks, Dominik insisted on walking Y/N home. 

After arriving at her house, Dominik and Y/N stood on the doorstep, neither one of them wanting to end the night.

“It was nice meeting you.” Y/N said, “Could I get your number?”

Nodding, Dominik pulled out his phone and showed her his number. Once Y/N was done, she put her phone back in her pocket and slowly wrapped her arms around Dominik.

“I’m glad Trent set this up,” Dominik stated “I had a really good night.”

Agreeing, Y/N finally said goodbye and leaned up on her tiptoes to press a kiss onto Dominik’s cheek. They exchanged their goodbyes and Y/N retreated into her house, giving Dominik a wave as she did so. Dominik began walking to his car while dialling Trent’s number.

“How did it go?” Trent asked as soon as the call connected.

“Really good mate, she’s lovely.”

“Did you get her number?”

“Yes, she said she’d like to go out again at some point.”

Trent congratulated him and then they said their goodbyes as Dominik finally got into his car. On the drive home, he couldn’t help but smile. The date went better than he ever thought it would and it had given him hope that there was someone out there made just for him.

[yuurivoice]

since you love to write, does your job ever feel like actual work? Kinda like that saying “if you love your job, you’ll never work a day of your life.” Kinda question.

also, how much free time do you normally have?

It felt like actual work from pretty early on. The moment I crossed over from doing it for funsies to sometimes taking commissions I didn't really feel strongly about for money, it was work.

I've had to drag my ass into the booth and record on days when I couldn't even take care of my basic needs because of ADHD struggles, and that sure felt like work.

I've had to write like absolute dogshit and just accept it because I had deadlines and people waiting on me. That felt like work.

I've had to spend hours breaking down different shots needed for visual projects, like a caveman painting on a wall for a renaissance artist to reference. That definitely felt like work.

I've had to deal with community moderation, personal betrayals of trust, harassment, goddamn pr crises, tax nightmares, and shipping hundreds of orders by hand. That was work.

That old cliche of if you love what you do, you'll never work a day in your life is a crock of shit. But all of that being said, even though it is work, and even though it can be really difficult sometimes?

Wouldn't trade it for the world. There is no other calling for me, my heart is not satisfied if I am not telling stories, and for some reason the universe decided that this was the path forward. I didn't plan on it. I never loved voice acting, but I learned to. I wish there was less bullshit over the years that robbed me of my joy. I wish I wasn't fighting my brain for so much of the time I've been doing this.

But the good will always outweigh the bad.

It's a dream fulfilled. I never needed or wanted to be some sort of massive sensation, or have broad renown or appeal. I didn't need to become a best selling author, or create a hit video game, or do anything like that. I am happy that I've found even a small group of people who love to get lost in my worlds, or spend time with my characters, or hear them get railed in pumpkin patches.

I get to experience the magic of creating something I didn't know was within me. Again and again. Projects like BitterSweet, Shattered, and Echoes of Evalas are precious to me because of the wondrous feeling creating those stories gives me. They could all flop, and I'd do it anyway.

I was creating art when no one was ever there to listen or watch. In that regard, it's never been work. It is a function of my existence. I was made, raised, and shaped to tell stories. It's the one thing I can do. At a table of friends, an audience of hundreds, or on long drives by myself. It's like breathing. It just happens.

Being able to call it work is a privilege. I'm thrilled that I've got the chance to work. I'm happy that I even have the opportunity to have days where I have to push myself. Because it has given me more than I've ever thought it could. I was on food stamps living with family under constant threat of getting kicked out. I was lonely, isolated, and scared of the world. I was considered lazy.

Finding my lane, getting traction, and thriving was something I considered out of reach. I was ready to tap out and accept that I just wasn't quite right for life. Like maybe I just didn't have all the right parts. I was okay with it, even. I was tired.

So yeah. It's work. But I spent a long time desperate to find work I was suited for, and with a lot of recent life changes I've removed many of those points of friction that would make it tough to work. So I'm thrilled.

And that, my friends, is what happens when you ask a professional yapper if they love yapping. 😂

As for free time, it's hard to say. So much of what I do being my own boss and shit, plus creative stuff just constantly churning in my brain, I struggle to clearly define what is and is not "free time". I basically have to be on call. At any given moment something might need my attention, or creativity comes knocking. It's hard to completely disconnect.

I've done a good job of getting into the office about four times a week. That has helped me find some sort of balance, but even recent writing I've done was on my laptop at my little breakfast nook having coffee.

I think the big thing is, I can create my free time whenever I need or want to.

Anywho, this is why you don't open Tumblr when you wake up to pee in the middle of the night because then you spent 30 minutes staring at your phone writing a whole ass essay. I'm gonna go get out of bed and make something awesome now. 💖

[zankaboo]

(this post is going to be kinda chaotic because I have many thoughts to share but I'm struggling with being coherent right now)

I'm 28 and I still live with my parents. But I think I need to seriously start considering moving out, or something.

Living with my parents never bothered me much. Part of me was happy about it because like, why should I move out and take care of myself if I can live with someone else and not worry about anything?

But recently I've been trying to work on my issues and I feel like I'm never going to fully heal unless I escape my mother. She is abusive. She's been messing with my mind for so many years that I don't really feel like my own person. I'm almost 30 and I don't know who I am, I don't know how to be an adult. I don't even know what kind of clothes I like to wear. My mom doesn't care much about my emotional well being, she criticizes everything I do. She cares about me in general, I know that and I know that she loves me in her own way but the way she treats me is destroying me. Now that I've started to really think about where all my problems came from, the only source I can think of is my mom. She made me hate myself. I self harmed because of her. I shed so many tears because of her. Nothing else fucked me up as much as my mom. She hates herself too and she projects all of her issues on me. And because of her I believed that I'm ugly and worthless as a person. My dad kinda sucks too, not as much, but he hurt me deeply a few times.

I love my parents tho. Even after all the shit they did to me I love them. My mom can be a very funny person if she wants to be. My dad too. But they hurt me so much. And I want to be away from them.

I've been trying to love myself, my looks, my personality. I stopped all the self depriciating jokes, I stopped calling myself ugly or saying "I hate myself" or "I'm going to kill myself". It's only been like two months but I can already feel the difference. Sometimes I look at my body in the mirror and I see something desirable now. And it's an awesome feelings. I'm really starting to see that change is possible. A better life is possible. And I really want it. For the first time in my life I really want to change things.

But I just don't know what to do. My mother controlled everything in my life, she made most decisions for me. So despite some improvements in my mental health, it all feels so out of reach right now.

I'm very lonely. Despite living with two people, I'm lonely. I get to hang out with my coworkers often and they're all cool people but those aren't really meaningful relationships. I don't have people that I can hang out with after work, or chat with, or call. But I spent so many years in isolation, I don't even know how to make friends. I think I have ADHD too which also might make those things harder for me (I heard that people with ADHD struggle with making friends and stuff). I lost every single school friend, even those that I considered to be close friends. I don't know if it's all my fault or if other people were at fault too. But for some reason almost no one wants to try to maitain a friendship with me and it's so upsetting.

I'm afraid of even looking for friends. I'm afraid of letting anyone know that I can't take care of myself, that I don't know the basics of adulthood. It is very embarrassing. I can't let people know that I'm like this, so helpless and clueless. Getting a boyfriend is completely out of the question at this point. I mean who the fuck would even want to love me romantically now? No one wants an adult baby. And this stings so fucking bad now because I've become infatuated with such a nice and funny guy and I haven't been able to think about anything else but him. If I could at least be friends with him, I would be so fucking happy.

I don't even feel alive to be honest. I'm just existing. I want to live, I want to meet new people, I want love and sex, I wanna go to concerts and find new hobbies. I want to make more art and improve my skills since it's my main hobby, I've always loved drawing. I want to try new mediums like painting or sculpting. I'd like to play some instrument too. But it feels out of reach now.

I really don't know what to do, where to start. I'm so lost.

I can't ask my parents for advice. I really wish I had someone who would teach me how to be a person, how to be an adult.

I don't want a life like this.