#likely no surprises

[honourablejester]

While on the subject, my favourite subclasses (so far) for each D&D 5e class:

Artificer: Gonna be honest, I don’t do much with artificers, but just going on vibes, while I understand it’s not the most mechanically brilliant of the options, I still just love Alchemist. I just like me some bubbling beakers, you know?

Barbarian: Ancestral Guardian. I love Zealot, I love Wild Magic, I could be persuaded towards Beast, particularly for small characters (scuttly little beast barbarian gnome, I like the vibes), but it’s still Ancestral Guardian. I want to be a barbarian with a pack of ghosts following them around!

Bard: For the longest time, it was Lore, for similar reasons that Knowledge clerics are my joint first favourite clerics. It feels like the old Irish bards, the oral knowledge and magic, and I had a ghoulish little half-elven lore bard named Feyla Thenn who was a lot of fun. But recently … I really like Creation? It definitely does have that spellsinger vibe, singing things into being, and honestly the ability to just sing myself up 50ft of rope, or a grappling hook, or a ladder, or a key, is just … endlessly useful and fun.

Cleric: If I have to pick one, singular, then Twilight. But it is two, because every time I make a cleric, Twilight and Knowledge have a fist fight in my head, and the only reason Twilight wins is because it’s prettier. I like twinkling sparkly bits. But Knowledge is forever there, loyal and true, waiting for me to return to it. (Tempest is the runner up, because I like big booms and I cannot lie. Also ocean).

Druid: Stars. No competition. If I make a druid, they’re gonna be a Stars druid, unless there’s a compelling setting reason for them to be anything else. I like land druids, I’ll flirt with spores, but as a stars druid I get to turn into a mobile starfield and smite people, and there’s just no beating that.

Fighter: Like the artificer, I don’t do much with fighter, but both Rune Knights and Eldritch Knights have a bit of a draw to them. Particularly Rune Knights. I like the hulking, placid, but smarter and more dangerous than you think sort of vibes they have.

Monk: Again, not my class, but I do enjoy a Mercy Monk. I also weirdly have a fondness for the Sun Soul? I like shiny things and radiant damage, but also the Sun Soul gives me kind of anime vibes? Channeling your ki into a radiant aura. IDK, I’m just weirdly fond of the Sun Soul as a concept.

Paladin: As we’ve discussed, a threeway fight between Redemption, Watchers and Devotion, but my love of John Donne and the imagery of weary gothic knights in a world of darkness forever pulls me towards Devotion first. Though, you know. Cosmic horror definitely gives Watchers some points, and I like the mercy first ethos of Redemption.

Ranger: Fey Wanderer. I like skills and languages! For themes and imagery, though, Swarmkeeper. I want a warforged ‘scarecrow’ ranger with a flock of crows. I want a dhampir or changeling swarmkeeper with a swarm of moths. I like swarms. Swarms are good. I love the imagery.

Rogue: Phantom. Again, fairly big gap between this and the closest runner up. I really like ghosts? Like with the Ancestral Barbarian, I just really like ghosts, and the story potential of a character that is perpetually followed by them. Aided by them. I will also give some points to Swashbuckler, though, because I enjoy a good old fashioned daring scoundrel, and I really like swashbuckler movies.

Sorcerer: Aberrant Mind. Again, I enjoy the horror-themed subclasses? Though having played a Clockwork Soul, I also like their whole ‘return to centre’ sort of feel. And, you know. I enjoy a tempest cleric, so Storm sorcerers also get a look in. And Draconic, because ‘my grandma is a green dragon’ is always fun. I think sorcerer is the main class where I kind of like everybody and will give them all a whirl.

Warlock: Fathomless or GOOlock. Neck and neck. I do enjoy a Genielock, there’s fun to be had with Bottled Respite, and I have a fair few ideas for Celestial too, because I like the idea of being hired, on a mercenary basis, to aid the forces of good. I love the idea of some pragmatic deva somewhere just hiring, no convictions necessary, I will simply pay you in magic to fix this evil for me. It’s a great vibe. But Fathomless and GOOlock fill my cosmic horror love so well. I think the edge might go to Fathomless. Because tentacle. And also ocean. Heh.

Wizard: Illusion. Scribes and Abjuration hold joint second place, I love them both dearly. Bookish wizards and tanky wizards are excellent. But I love the diggy, trickster, seeker nature of illusionists. I love the playing with reality, the use of illusion to hide or reveal truth, the philosophical underpinning of a character that chooses, fully consciously, to pursue this school of magic. Also Phantasmal Force is an evil, evil spell, and I love it. Pick up the Metamagic Adept feat and get subtle spell, have a tonne of fun.

There are probably not surprising for most people, but I hadn’t gone through it by class before. So. Here we are?

[zytes]

this manatee looks like it’s in a skyrim loading screen

[mintaikk]

Most underrated part of the Deadpool & Wolverine movie is when Deadpool mentions that his girlfriend left him, and Wolverine's first response was to say, "You had a girlfriend???" because he genuinely can not fathom that this man is into women

[soranker]

laios985

[jonnywaistcoat]

Magnus fandom, 2016: We're horny for this lady made of worms!

Me: Huh. Unexpected, I'm not sure how to feel about that.

Magnus fandom, 2024: We're horny for this guy made of needles!

Me: Of course you are, my children. Be free.

Magnus fandom 2024: We're horny for this bulbous oozing clown man!

Me: I think 95% of your are being facetious, but the true 5% can go with god.

Magnus fandom, just now: We're horny for a member of the British Aristocracy!

Me: Gross. No. Absolutely not. Sick freaks the lot of you. I am officially kinkshaming. You disgust me.

[sabertoothwalrus]

wait a second wait a second wait a second wait a second wait a s

[mothwriter]

[kimdokjas]

though the movie might be cancelled, yuri on ice will live forever in our hearts. thank you yoi fandom, it's been real ♡

[ink-the-artist]

Video game I saw in a dream. It was in this low poly style like an older video game. You play as this character I think was meant to be a lamb, or maybe a weird mix of a lamb a mouse and a rabbit, (while not really looking like any of those things) and you’re running away from a wolf. Your objective is to last as long as possible before the wolf catches and eats you.

The house you’re running in is endless and bizarrely put together like most building interiors in dreams are (like the infinite toilet dream dimension on Reddit lol) the layout of the house is pretty detailed, you can stop and hide in places like closets or bins while the wolf looks for you, you can go up and down stairs and into rooms etc.

You never actually know where the wolf is or how close it is to you until it appears in your line of sight, it makes no noise and the game gives you no way of knowing where it is, and it’s pretty unpredictable it doesnt move at a consistent pace. When the wolf catches you there’s an animation showing it eating your character

[talaricula]

Things I've seen tumblr memeing about James Somerton doing à la "How did no one see how bigoted he was!" as if those things haven't been a significant part of tumblr culture for over a decade :

Presenting untrue and bordering on conspiratorial versions of (queer or otherwise marginalised) history without any sources

Completely disregarding and disrespecting any expertise on socio-cultural topics/humanities and distrusting academics and historians (incl. acting as if no academics or historians could be queer or marginalised)

Downplaying the role misogyny played in the historical oppression of queer women and concluding that queer men must have been more oppressed than queer women

Bi women are, at best, not as queer as "real" queer ppl, and at worst, simply equivalent to straight women

Despite nominal trans inclusivity, transmasculine ppl are functionally women when convenient (combined with the above, bi transmascs are functionally straight women)

Despite nominal trans inclusivity (bis), shamelessly attacking, threatening and actively endangering any trans woman who questions them or smth they find important (often by unfairly presenting her as violent or as a threat)

Having absolutely fucking wild and reductive takes about ace ppl, the oppression they face and their place in the queer community

Stating that marriage equality is an assimilationist fight while completely ignoring its direct roots in the horrifying consequences of the AIDS crisis for partners of ppl who died of AIDS

Praising western media creators from the past for queer coding even under censure and in the same breath condemning current non western media creators for being homophobic bc their representation isn't explicit enough

Blaming China for all existing homophobic censoring in western media

Assuming all queer media would be better told by western creators and by western standards

Only out queer ppl get to tell queer stories

Heavily criticising almost all queer media created by women or ppl they see as such (see above points about trans ppl) or involving/starring a significant amount of women for any perceived or real amount of "problematicness", but fawning over and praising and negating criticism of queer media created by and starring mostly or even functionally exclusively men (even when it could be argued that, you know, not involving/seriously sidelining women is a pretty clear example of misogyny which should probably be considered "problematic")

And I'm probably forgetting stuff or there's stuff I have internalised myself and don't recognise as an issue

Like idk but I feel like the takeaway from Hbomberguy and Toddintheshadow's videos should maybe be "be aware of such patterns in your communities bc they definitely exist" and not "this guy is uniquely awful" and I feel like a lot of the discussion I've seen surrounding this has been severely failing at that. Most ppl who've spent any significant amount of time on tumblr prob either have internalised at least one of those thought patterns, have had to de-internalise them, or have had to be extremely vigilant to not internalise them (which is done by, you know, seeking out other sources, which also seemed like an important takeaway from the videos)

[starii-void]

going to chb must be crazy like imagine sharing a camp with

-one of the strongest demigods ever who's saved the world like at least 3 times, fought multiple gods & titans and WON (and is a tartarus survivor)

-the literal main architect of OLYMPUS who's also saved the world multiple times (also tartarus survivor)

-THE lord of the wild who's also close friends with the first two (and has helped save the world multiple times)

-an emo kid from the 1930s who again helped save the world and is also a tartarus survivor (TWICE)

-a son of apollo who survived tartarus with nothing but cargo shorts and sheer will (pun intended)

-the main designer and builder for the argo II, also the first hephaestus kid to have fire powers since hundreds of years ago (did i mention killed gaea? no? yeah he did that too)

-a girl who somehow charmspeak-ed gaea into falling back asleep (also side note daughter of super famous actor because why not)

-pretty much everybody is a two-time war veteran

-THE GOD APOLLO who just sometimes comes down to visit in the form of a teenage boy

-did i mention dionysus, god of wine madness and theatre

-also chiron, trainer of pretty much every greek hero ever

[greelin]

people when trauma victims act traumatized especially in a way that is unpalatable to them because it involves lashing out and unpredictable moods and having boundary issues rather than just being demure, sad, and consumable

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

woke up and someone spilled vanilla extract all over my dash, so as punishment you strange little beasties are getting all the VANILLA FACTS i know:

vanilla is the 2nd most expensive spice in the world (2nd to saffron)

which is why more than 99% of what we call "vanilla extract" is actually vanillin (vanilla's dominant flavor compound) and is not extracted from real vanilla.

luckily, even professionals struggle to tell the difference when it comes to things like baked goods. but there is a distinct difference in non-heat treated products like vanilla ice cream. real vanilla has a more complex, individualized flavor profile.

why is vanilla so expensive? because it is a ridiculously delicate & demanding crop. complete primadonna.

vanilla beans come from vanilla orchids. these crazy flowers bloom for A SINGLE DAY and have to be HAND-POLLINATED in a process that is exhausting, delicate, and requires specialist knowledge passed down over generations.

then, if you're lucky, you get vanilla beans.

which then require months of further specialized treatment.

the entire process takes about a year and can go wrong at any stage

vanilla has been cultivated for over 800 years (possibly much longer). the first known cultivators are the Totonac, an indigenous people of Mexico.

the Aztecs used it as a sweetener to balance out the bitter taste of cocoa. it was popular in a drink called xocolatl--the precursor to modern hot chocolate!

it is only pollinated by a very specific orchid bee!!!

which is why no fruit could be grown outside of Mexico until the 1800s

Edmond Albius, born into slavery, invented the pollination method we still use today--launching a global industry when he was just 12 years old.

today, the majority of the world's vanilla is grown in Madagascar

if you want real vanilla, read the labels carefully--it's harder to find than you think!

in conclusion, those tiny black specks you see in fancy vanilla ice cream? those are vanilla bean seeds! itty bitty orchid seeds!!! they are delicious and also a PRISSY BITCH!

(src)