#literally the only reason im going to keep trying is because then ill live in the same city as my partner

[apollo-zero-one]

Man I can't believe I had the chance to go to a performing arts school up through middle school and I fuckin quit after 6 months just because I got bullied. BRO YOUR HOMEWORK WAS POETRY!! YOU HAD TO PRACTICE DANCING TO COTTON EYE JOE AS YOUR BIG UNIT TEST. GYM CLASS HAD A CIRCUS UNIT!! YOU HAD A WHOLE DAILY CLASS ON IMPROV!!! YOU FOOL!! YOU ABSOLUTE IMBICILE!! YOU COULD HAVE BEEN A YOUTUBER!!! YOU COULD HAVE BEEN ONE OF THOSE TWEENAGERS GETTING LOADED BY MAKING SHITTY YOUTUBE SHORTS IN 2008-14!! But noooOoooOOOoo little miss Noellie (who WANTED TO GO!! who worked SO HARD and sent in an application essay and did an INTERVIEW to get in!!) couldn't handle disruptive classmates or little scuffles and petty grudges and general Attitude of the other students and cried to mommy to put her back in public school. I am EATING MY HAIR over what Could Have Been. I COULD BE SOMEONE'S ANNOYING YOUTUBER!! I could be a DISGRACED DISNEY CHANNEL STAR!! I could be an America's Got Talent winner! A mild to moderately successful comedian! I could be making short films!! But no no no precious thin skinned baby me heard a few new cus words and watched a teacher get heckled and begged to give up The Dream in favor of?? Quiet math tests?? I am such a fucking quitter I quit everything the second it gets too hard I always take the out as soon as it's offered what's my fucking damage.....

[delicatetaysversion]

it would feel so nice to work towards a career that has meaningful impact and makes millions of people happy

[thedeb]

Hello there dear Undertale au fandom

This will be a bit of a rant but I'm going to talk about my reasons for taking a break and hopefully be able to quit and also talking about the fandom.

First of all, I'm very aware the fandom would not give one or two flying poops about me since I'm a small account but I still wanted to make this.

The reasons why I'm quitting and the talk about the fandom will be mixed so

The reasons I'm quitting are because I realised I'm never going to get anywhere in the Fandom I did everything anyone could name and nothing worked 2-the fandom makes me overly uncomfortable and I don't know why 3-its taking a terrible toll on my mental health, I have been fixated on the fandom for years and it's just ruining me.

Also, the fandom is just insane not in a good way, MOST not all of the fans are selfish and refuse to go outside to see that other people are alive as well and it's not just only them, they feel entitled to everything and they cross boundaries daily and are just mostly straight up rude, despite the fandom being a pretty good size the people littery have 0 urges to communicate with other fans I have been literally begging for friends in the Fandom but only ended up getting 2 in the span YEARS and I understand why people don't want to blindly make friends but also the fandoms NOT friendly at all I'm general, especially towards small accounts you barely get any support and even if you do it's a tiny group of people, i feel like they absolutely despise small accounts for 0 reasons and they literally do nothing to help you on your journey and also try to claim that their good people and love to help and painting a picture where their all a Saint in which is not true.

More info about me: you guys need to keep in mind that I have terrible depression and I struggle with being neurodivergent there's 0 way for me to get diagnosed in the country to know what I exactly have that's under the umbrella In the country i live in and it's impossible to get any help, all therapists will do is try to shove some pills down your throat, but me being in this state still doesn't change the fact the undertale au fandom is setting itself up for failure.

Also, another thing I should mention is the fandom has normalized a lot of things that should NOT  be normalized, this goes for a lot of fandoms in the end however au fandom isn't the only one I want to say there are a lot of things I want to quit like drawing, I love drawing but I can't handle it anymore.

I want to get rid of my fixation on the characters that's why I'm only going on a break for now in hopes I can get myself to stop making my mental health suffer because of a stupid fixation, I hope I can quit drawing and the fandoms I'm in, I'm just tired of people not understanding not everyone's rainbows and sunshine or just "silly" I'm not silly IM MENTALLY ILL and I'm tired of being labelled as silly by people online for being terribly depressed or just struggling with being neurodivergent.

That's all.

Hope this will be one of the last drawings I do.

[devildom-moss]

Since you menioned Simeon and Barbatos in the same sentence, its my time to rant about how much i love Simbarb!!

I AM LITERALLY ON MY KNEES FOR THAT SHIP. EVERY SCRAP OF SIMBARB CONTENT I CAN FIND, I WILL DEVOUR IT LIKE THERES NO TOMORROW. DOESNT MATTER IF ITS FLUFF, ANGST, OR HECK EVEN SMUT. I LIVE FOR SIMBARB. THERES NOTHING ELSE THAT WILL SATISFY ME MORE THAN SIMBARB. LIKE THE SHIP IS JUST PERFECT IN EVERY WAY POSSIBLE. AND BOTH BARBATOS AND SIMEON ARE PERFECT AS WELL. I WANT TO LIKE, SQUEEZE THE LIFE OUT OF THE TWO OF THEM, AFFECTIONATELY.

I think i went a little off course.. oh and i read this simbarb fanfiction once and now ive created a whole au with lore and backstory with Simeon and someone else (which can technically be MC but the actual MC also exists in this au). And i really wanna talk about it to someone, but there's no one who wants to listen, but you're now back, and im happy so maybe ill talk about it to you if youre interested!

Anyways have a nice day! Remember to eat, sleep and dont do drugs <33

Sincerely, 💜

You are so right for this. Those two are not only my favorites, but they are probably my favorite ship (I don't know if I've made that clear in my writing, but I feel like there have at least been hints). We are on the same boat here (I apologize for the pun, but I'm sending it out into the world anyway). I am right there with you. They are precious individually and together. I generally am not a touchy/hugging person, so I wouldn't want to squeeze them, but I would make them a delicious bowl of soup, give them pats on the head, and tell them that they're both good boys.

Especially as a fellow SimBarb lover, you are welcome talk about your AU here! Also, in general, I love reading about how people view character relationships (romantic, platonic - in any form, really).

While I'm here, I would like to fuel the SimBarb love with a few thoughts of my own it won't be too much because I'm going to head to bed soon, so my brain is in wind down mode.

Okay, so I lied to myself about the "a few" and rambled for 10 bullet points, so more under the cut:

Canonically, Barbatos and Simeon just often find themselves on outings together. Barbatos phrases it like it's unintentional; it just happens; they just have accidental dates. Well, considering that Barbatos seems to always have good luck, maybe there's a reason he keeps finding himself on outings with Simeon. Wouldn't it be lucky if he happened to run into a certain handsome angel while he was out?

I think it took Simeon longer to realize he liked being around Barbatos than it took Barbatos to notice how much he enjoyed spending time with Simeon. Simeon probably used Luke as a kind of affection proxy for a long time. A lot of "Luke really likes Barbatos," and "Barbatos is so sweet to Luke. It really warms my heart." Really? Is it just Luke who likes Barbatos?

They probably pick up groceries a lot together, and they both like to menu plan as they browse the markets, so they end up taking ideas from each other. Sometimes they'll plan to cook the same dish on the same night. It makes them kind of giddy. Even though they don't share meals often, when they cook the same thing on the same night, it almost feels like they're getting to eat together.

Whenever Luke goes to Barbatos for cooking/baking lessons, Barbatos tries to ensure they have leftovers for Luke to take back to Simeon. Additionally, Barbatos is especially motivated to help the final product turn out good (outside of just wanting Luke to learn and succeed) because he knows it's a reflection of his own skills and he wants to impress Simeon.

Also, I could see Barbatos sending Luke back home with two bouquets of flowers (especially edible flowers and sometimes herbs) from his garden. One is for Luke, but the other one, Barbatos will casually suggest that Luke "give it to Simeon, if you'd like."

These two both love taking care of others. Can you imagine how often they just try to out-spoil the other? I think it would occasionally end up in arguments that are basically just "sit down, and let me take care of you for a change."

Barbatos would be the least comfortable being taken care of because he's a demon. Being doted on by an angel. That's weird, right? He feels incredibly unworthy.

These two could flirt back and forth so well.

Barbatos would get extremely flustered if Diavolo commented on how wonderful it is to see a respectable demon such as Barbatos and a regarded angel like Simeon getting along so well, and that it gives him hope for the future between the Devildom and the Celestial Realm.

This is kind of angsty, and I don't remember if Barbatos and Simeon actually met before the war, but I have this thought (maybe a future story idea if I decide to lean into ships or something) that while Diavolo was enamored with Lucifer, Barbatos took a liking to Simeon. Actually, it was initially just an interest in the angel whose cooking skills could almost compare with his own. Then he realized how similar they were and how well they would get along. I just imagine younger Barbatos thinking hoping that when the war came around, Simeon would fall with Lucifer. Selfishly, he wanted the opportunity to even just be around Simeon. When that didn't happen, Barbatos was silently crushed but he carried on. He held his excitement the entire time when he first heard that Simeon would be one of the exchange students, and he was even more delighted when Simeon treated him with kindness.

[my-castles-crumbling]

hi cas

im not sure if youll remember me, but i sent an ask a few months ago when i (à genderqueer lesbian) found out my only friend was passively homophobic (he'd never actively do anything, but he also said he could never support it either)

soooo, update? i did a lot of thinking, and i did end up breaking up our friendship. it sucked massively, honestly, and even moreso now because i dont actually have any friends at all irl now. he genuinely was my only one. i work full time just now so its not like i have loads of social time anyway, but its weird not having anyone to message with my weird work stories or to hear about his uni stories

i move away from home in september though, to start university myself. ill be in a big city which is the complete opposite to how ive grown up (i live literally half an hour from the nearest grocery store) so ill get to make new friends there hopefully, and im even visiting the city for their pride celebrations this summer (aaaaaaa!!!!) but id always planned on doing all that with my friend's support along the way. im not very good at putting myself out there in foreign situations and university is going to be a lot of new and unfamiliar situations that im afraid ill just end up dropping out (which was the reason i took a gap year in the first place; to escape it for a year and to try to work on my confidence, which i have to an extent)

i dont really know if im asking anything here aha. it was supposed to just be a lil update that id let him go buuuuuuuuuuuut i guess its never as simple as that, is it?

anyway, have a lovely day cas ♡

Hi!

Yes, I remember you! Honestly, I'm so proud of you for letting that friend go.

I think university is coming at such a good time for you! I know it sounds so scary right now, but try to stick it out and try new things! Really, I have such a strong feeling this is going to be amazing for you <3 It's okay to be scared and nervous and even feel homesick, but soon you'll find that your university feels just as much like home (or more) then your home does.

Please keep me updated!

(Also I'm naming you university anon in case you do update me! Enjoy your free tag!)

[fairycosmos]

chloe do you have any tips on 'forcing' oneself to shower? at the moment it's extremely hard for me not only bc of my depression but my foot is also in a cast bc it's broken which makes showering even more physically taxing.... just i need to shower but can't bring myself to do it 😭

hey honestly ive been thereeeeee and am often still there it's a fucking nightmare and im so sorry you're going through it as well - i know there's a lot of weird stigma and shame around these lesser discussed aspects of depression, but it is truly a massive part of the illness and not smth to internalise or shame yourself for. i've used a few different approaches when i haven't had the motivation to shower in the past - the 1st is just breaking it down into smaller chunks. wash my face, brush my teeth the first day. then slowly build up to either stepping in the shower and letting the water stream over you for 5 minutes, or even giving yourself a sponge bath/washing ur hair over the sink so you dont have to get fully undressed and exert a ton of effort and feel overwhelmed. i think this might be the best option for u with ur foot the way it is. a little is always better than nothing. i live by that TBH. sitting down in the shower also helps me massively, makes it a quite a bit less draining TBH. i also do this thing where i set an alarm for 10 minutes and just tell myself im going to clean myself as much as possible in that time, and that i can manage it because it's only 10 minutes and then i can lay back down and breathe, and that it's not this big deal my brain is building it up to be, and even if it is and even if i cry or panic or feel like shit, it's just 10 minutes. it's also super important to have the self awareness to realise this cycle you're in where neglecting your needs makes you depressed and you're depressed because you neglect your needs (at least that's part of the reason), and learning how to stop that perpetuating by doing one small task for yourself per day is one of the only ways to break out of it. i have to say every time i shower after being in a depression pit i don't regret it, and i know it's very hard to conceptualise that right now, but it's true. another thing i often try is just counting to ten and then forcing my body to move, i literally scream at myself in my own head to ignore my thoughts and just keep moving and just get the fuck in and out of the shower without making it more than what it is, i try to focus purely on my body and being in it and not on my mind - i understand that prob wont work for everyone lol. incentivising yourself is also always a good idea - tell yourself if i manage to take a shower i can watch a show i like or go to sleep or have a nice snack or practice a hobby you enjoy or whatever you like to do. i think training ur brain to see self care as a positive / neutral thing is a vital part of trying to move beyond this. anyway sorry to ramble i think that's a summary of what i usually do but if you ever want to chat more ab this or if you need a friend just give me a message! i hope you feel better soon x

[quodekash]

i went to bed instead of watching abaab and i woke up and im ✨sick✨

its not the plague but i have a sore throat and im really congested and i feel like a dump truck ran over me and poured all the bin juices in my brain, but its fine cos im here, im queer, and threezo are near

CONTENT WARNING: if youve seen this episode, youll be aware that there will be discussions of rape, sexual assault, and pedophilia. if any of these topics are triggering for you, please take the measures you require to stay safe, and please call emergency services if you require help, and talk to someone you trust. remember: you are not alone, and there will always be people who love and care for you, but you havent yet met some of them. stay safe everyone, i love you

i cannot for the life of me remember how the last episode ended so its lucky that they have little summaries at the starts of episodes cos otherwise id have no clue whats going on

OH YEAH THOOP WAS ARRESTED

hang on, dont they still need to go to work?

i cant remember what day it is and what they were doing before cher got that phone call but still

dang it ive already had a cup of tea today but i think i need another one

THREEZO HELLO (ft jack's luscious hair on the side there)

THREEZO ARE SO SWEET WHY ARE YOUR FACES LIKE THAT JACK AND TUB

okay, yeah, fair

HE IS HAPPY

HIS HAIR IS FLUFFY AND HE IS HAPPY

GREHJKDFGKJRB

aww

AWWWHHHH

awhh thoop is cryinggg

bro is in desperate need of a hug

IM GONNA CRYYYY

i love deep platonic bonds

especially when its found family

fnjgbhfbvhfb

**gasp** despicable!

HELLO THREEZOOOOO

hes so prettyyyy

and hes also so prettyyyyyy

GJKRTBNFDHKJRG I LOVE THEM

am i crying? yes.

im crying a lot

i love threezo so much

the grip these two have on my mental health and sanity--

have i rewatched this scene four times? yeah. do i now kinda just wanna curl into a ball and sob for a day or two? yeah. unfortunately i have to keep watching the episode

okay so its literally like six hours later now, ive tried having two naps, ive had three cups of tea today, as much medicine as i can have, and the sickness has done nothing but get worse which is just so fun but the only reason i wasnt watching abaab is bc i was trying to sleep and that's just not happening so im continuing the episode now

the commentary is gonna be very little tho btw bc im having trouble making coherent thoughts through all the conjestion clogging my brain

the way they smile at each other is so 🥺🥹

im TRYING--

sorry, last week i couldnt stop talking about the freaking pomegranate i was eating, today i cant stop talking about how sick i am, ill try and shut up about it and just watch the episode lol

SCREW THAT GUY

VAFFANCULO

I HATE HIM

I HATE HIM SO MUCH

idk much about the mother

BUT THE STEPFATHER CAN GO SHOVE A PIGNA UP HIS CULO

look, i hate cops and law enforcement

but i even more hate thoop's stepfather

and law enforcement, unfortunately, have a lot of power, but thats fortunate in this situation bc they can force him to shut up which is nice

oh, wouldya look at that. i was right.

im not happy about it. its freaking horrible. and its even worse that it happens every day in every single country and state and city and suburb and yet nothing is being done about it.

um. yeah. thats all i can think of to say.

SHE HAD TO PUT UP WITH IT FOR THREE YEARS???

holy hell thats freaking disgusting

i hate this so much. not that they included this in the show, im really glad they included it because it's freaking disgusting and not talked about enough, especially in mainstream media and stuff. i just freaking hate that rape exists and people have to put up with it every single freaking day of their freaking lives, and NOTHING is happening to fix this freaking disgusting issue

this episode is a lot heavier than i was expecting and idk if anything im saying makes any sense because im too sick for this and the things that happened are making me even more sick

HUZZAH, I WAS RIGHT

AND THIS TIME ITS A GOOD FEELING THAT IM RIGHT

HES NOT HOMOPHOBIC

HUZZAH, HUZZAH, PRAISE OUR LORD AND SAVIOUR JACK'S ALMIGHTY FLUFFY BEAUTIFUL HAIR

sobbing, i cant do this, theyre too sweet

AH SHOOT, I JUST REALISED IVE BARELY DRANK ANY WATER TODAY

as per usual, your hair is on fleek today, my friend

he's angry at laem, but his hair is perfection

the perfect way to get someone to shut up: shove food in their mouth as fast as possible (im using this at some point) (also how the hell is his hair so pretty i love his hair too much. i think i always spend more time talking about jack's hair than i do talking about the actual episode)

gun's mother has such a sweet sounding voice but her words sting like poison, jeez

OH HELL YES ITS THIS PART

IVE SEEN SCREENSHOTS

side note: look at three and zo's knees pressed together gjfngjbhfgbh

HEYYY GUYS

ITS SO FUNNY

WHAT ARE THEY DOING WATCHING SIMM

wait so. bad buddy exists as a series inside the msp universe. simm exists as a series inside the abaab universe. what's next??

the frame changed suddenly, kluen was looking down slightly earlier and now he's looking right in nuea's eyes (yes i had to include jack's hair in the screenshot, so what?)

side note: i love all of jack's ear piercings (and his hair) so much

(ive now used all my 30 photos for this post so you just have to deal with that. on the bright side, the final photo was of jack's beautiful face and beautiful earrings and beautiful HAIR)

i love this friend group so much, theyre all just sitting in a circle in their gaming chairs supporting cher as much as possible in their own little ways and its so sweet and so happy and gfbhbrhgb

ignore your bfs phone calls only to show up at his house with food

AWWW, THE WAY HE JUST PULLS HIM INTO A WORRIED HUG AS SOON AS HIS HANDS ARE EMPTY- I LOVE THEMMMM

"promise me no matter what happens, we will fight it together" RGHBKRDFHGKRBDFHB

AWWWW TEHY KISSSSS

"(talking to himself) if your mum knows about this, she will hit you to death, cher" "know about what?" "she gave me only one heart and i gave it all to you" "youre as cheesy as i am" IM DYING WHAT THE HELL THEYRE SO SWEET

BRO CHILL

CALM DOWN

I DONT NEED TO SEE THIS

I MEAN LIKE GOOD FOR THEM

BUT WHY DO WE NEED SUCH A LONG SHOT OF GUN'S BARE ABS

theyre so soft with each other what the hell

"i just want to hear it from your mouth-" AND CHER CUTS HIM OFF WITH THE SOFTEST KISS EVER??? (well, not ever. no one can ever kiss as softly or lovingly as freaking akk, but that's neither here nor there) THAT ONE TINY MOMENT IS GONNA PLAY IN MY HEAD FOR AGES NOW OMG

keep the pants on please guys

oh thank goodness they finished the episode before it got to that, i appreciate that

anyway THAT WAS SO SWEET GBFHGBFHBHG

im desperately hoping that next episode will be mostly fluffy happiness bc i cant take much more of this seriousness, especially not if my sickness persists (which i really hope it doesnt, id love to be functioning this week)

um yeah. that was that. i hope you enjoyed that? sorry for all my ramblings about being sick, i just really hate being sick.

once again, i hope youre all safe and healthy, if you're not, i hope you can find a safe space and people you trust, please contact someone who can help you if you need it. i love you all, have a great week :]

[slightlyunconventional]

as a follow-up to my post where i mentioned a modern au/established relationship k/anej setting, i thought i'd make a list of snzcanons based around that 🤭 mostly k/az centric probably but we'll see if i get any i/nej ideas while im making this

ok here we. go

- caretaking between them when they live together is very different from the days in the slat; it's much more open and comfortable, and there's a level of vulnerability that both of them (mainly kaz, though) are able to show because they know there's much more safety and trust there than ever before

- continuing the kaz hayfever agenda purely to exploit it because inej loves to have plants all over their house and fill their garden with flowers. he's usually fine cause antihistamines exist but on the off chance that he forgets to take them, or they've run out cause he's so stupidly sensitive, then basically all hell breaks loose and he is totally unable to catch a break from sneezing his HEAD OFF. obviously from the outside this seems kinda dense of him because why doesn't he just,,, get rid of all the flowers?? but he doesn't want to because he knows how much inej loves them and loves gardening. plus he's fine once he takes his meds so realistically what's the problem

- look i know i keep giving kaz every allergy ever but just hear me out okay. if you hate me for it you can pretend each allergy he has is a separate universe. anyway what if the dreadful combination of dust allergy and detergent/air freshener/surface cleaner/etc allergy (select as applicable). just LISTEN RIGHT. he's sneezy because of the dust, so he and inej decide to CLEAN. but then he's SNEEZY AGAIN because of the cleaning supplies. boom who's a genius? me. (or an idiot. i haven't decided yet)

- maybe as a follow on for The One Above, i thought maybe kaz is only all sneezy and itchy during the cleaning process so once they're done and the scent of it all is out of the air then he's fine. that seems reasonable right

(also yeah ive decided that all these allergy headcanons are probably too much for just one person to deal with. so take them as individual things rather than A Collective. (unless you too hate it when a man isn't sneezing 24/7 in which case yeah let's bombard the poor guy with every allergy known to man ill pick you up at seven.))

- when kaz gets sick he still instinctively tries to shut himself away out of fear of getting inej sick too, and also cause he doesn't want her to "waste her time" taking care of him when he's "absolutely fine" and there's "nothing to worry about it's just cold in here". however every single time he's got a cold inej somehow manages to convince him to let her care for him.

- cats! kaz and inej are definitely both cat people and they definitely both wanted a cat immediately after deciding to live together. i like to think that kaz doesn't know he's allergic to cats (since he never really interacts with any kind of animal during his time with the dregs yk ??) so when they go to actually get a cat he discovers this about himself when he becomes an itchy sneezy allergic MESS. but he still insists that inej gets the cat because again antihistamines exist and he has a massive soft spot for cats so as if he's gonna say no. (thinking that they definitely get a fluffy black cat, maybe a younger one that's SMALL AND SO CUTE (i also have a massive soft spot for cats!! could you tell))

- more on the dust allergy a bit: inej and kaz go on little dates all the time and one time they pay a visit to an old library that inej has been interested in for a while, but obviously seeing as the library is so old, all the books are so so dusty and literally every single one that kaz picks up to flick through makes him sneeze like nobody's business. he'd probably be halfway through trying to quiet an itchy fit in the collar of his coat and inej would just take the book out of his hands and guide him by his shoulders away from the cloud of dust that he wafted into the air. cute

- even more on that kind of a sidenote he'd definitely not have the common sense to move from an allergen while he's in a fit, like he just gets too caught up sneezing to even think about maybe Stepping Away cause he just wants to get it out of his system and for whatever reason distancing himself from the thing IN his system doesn't actually cross his mind until inej just sort of guides him away

- inej's care is always very doting, gentle, and loving. she'll always ask before touching him, for example to feel his forehead and check for fever. often if kaz is especially tired (which happens often when he's sick, bless him) she'll offer to hold a bunch of tissues gently to his face as he sneezes or blows his nose into them. aw also definitely a reassuring hand on his back when he's wracked with fits of coughing during particularly bad colds

- she blesses every single sneeze. i KNOW she does. since kaz usually sneezes in doubles (ARGRGRHHHHH (sorry about that went fucking FERAL for a second)) he'll always get a cute little "bless you, bless you!" from her. she is so. i love you inej

- however if he ends up having fits that's a lot of sneezes to bless all of them so she usually settles for a "bless you!" at the end

- also i feel like she might do that thing where the way she says bless you mimics the sound/pitch of the sneeze do you get me. like for example "heHh'ehHSHHhiew!" from kaz gets a "ble-heh-shiew!" from inej. Do you understand the vision i hope i don't sound stupid. anyway kaz hates when she does this (but not like hate in a mean way he's just embarrassed like pls. i have a reputation)

- Omg and inej definitely loves to tease him and say how adorable his nose is especially when it's all red and he's just STOP PLEASE MY DIGNITY

- sorry im losing the plot

- inej tries not to gift him bouquets because 1. he's allergic and 2. there's probably already enough plants in the house. however. kaz buys HER bouquets because he's a gentleman duh. but obviously the whole time he's walking/driving/i don't know what bloody transport they have he's gonna be such an itchy sneezy mess and by the time he actually gives the flowers to inej his eyes and nose are practically streaming and it's all he can do to fight off sneezing again as inej kisses him on the cheek with a giggle to say thank you

- also i love the age old scenario of sneezing while shopping for scented candles!! inej getting excited about all the pretty floral and seasonal scents while kaz is just behind her sniffling so much and his eyes are watering and he is just praying he doesn't end up sneezing a load cause he doesn't want inej to be sad. when he DOES start sneezing though - starting with near silent stifles of course (but inej notices of Course) - he'll tell inej over and over that he'll be fine if there's just one in the house and he's only sneezing now because there's so many on the shelves in front of him

- a lot of this post is just different iterations of "kaz is very allergic but he wants inej to be happy so he keeps being very allergic"

- inej also buys & makes tea for kaz instead of coffee when he's sick. she also sometimes makes some suli tea recipes that she remembers from her childhood for him cause she is the best

- while a lot of her caretaking is tender and loving and doting inej also knows that kaz likes to have his space, so sometimes she shows her care in the form of a mug of steaming tea, two aspirin, and a sticky note saying "feel better soon" waiting for him at his desk

- kaz also hates getting sick in general just the feel of it is gross to him. it's partly because he doesn't feel in control of himself as much and partly because it just feels so sticky and heavy and generally unpleasant. on the bright side inej thinks his stuffy voice is so cute

- ill list off a few brief ideas for other dates they'd go on and kaz would find himself more than a little sneezy: picnic date!! or just a walk/hike in spring when his hayfever is thriving, a cafe date when he's got a cold! so cute, obviously dusty library date like i said before and probably a lot more but i ran out of ideas

- right i know this is definitely a lot of sneezing for one single person to be doing in their life so honestly take all of these headcanons as separate entities because i do not believe it is RIGHT or FAIR to subject someone to as many allergies as i already have and will continue to do. anyway photic kaz. for some reason i like to think that he always without fail sneezes three times when it's suddenly bright (like when he steps outside from a dimmer room or if something shines in his face) and always without fail also will gear up for a fourth sneeze that never comes. three sneezes, then a gasp, then a sigh. Omg

- his photic sneezes are also softer than usual too idk thought id just add that

- right this is the last allergy ill talk about for him REMEMBER HE DOESNT HAVE ALL THESE ALLERGIES AT THE SAME TIME CAUSE THAT'S MEAN OF ME. (unless you want him to 🤭) but perfume allergies are SO. HOT. he loves the smell of inej's perfume, it's sweet and floral and so distinctly *her* but each time she spritzes it on herself he's sneezing. usually not too much though, upwards of like, five, and then he's okay

- inej also massively chastises kaz for stifling. literally every time he does it it's basically a lecture of why stifling is bad and why it's fine just let it out its only me and kaz is like. ok sorry

- thinking about INEJ. i think that her sneezes are quiet just cause she's sort of taught herself to be stealthy and silent and that's rubbed off on her sneezes. they're cute

- also she sneezes into cupped hands!! idk i just think that's so cute for her AH

- usually only sneezes once at a time (she's not nearly as sensitive to stuff as kaz is) however i do like to think that kaz had a cologne at one point that he used to wear primarily cause he didn't have another one and couldn't be bothered to Get another one and it made her sneeze a lot!! and for a while she had no idea what it was because she just seemed to be sneezing nonstop whenever she was close to him. it wasn't until they were getting ready together one morning that she realised it was his cologne making her sneeze - when he sprayed it as she was stood near him and she just!! did not stop!! kaz probably felt so bad he definitely immediately showered and threw the cologne away and kept apologizing to her even though she repeatedly told him it was fine and how was he supposed to know

- kaz isn't quite as teasy as inej is so he'll only bless her sneezes once (loser) and he doesn't like to make an ordeal out of it so he'll just mirror her sneeze's quietness with a soft mumbled "bless," and possibly a hand squeeze if they're holding hands. JUST thought that maybe if she sneezes a little louder or harsher than normal he'll extend to a "bless you," (you know what i mean right with the emphasis on the you part you get it right)

okay this is all i have for now. i will add more/reblog with more if i think of anything but THANKS FOR READING YAY and thanks for making it the way to the end of the incoherent drivel that i call headcanons i hope you didn't lose too many braincells

[powerpolyculeshowdown]

"greater Hawkins polycule" ?stranger things? WHAT'S THE SHIP i have fallen heavily down the hole and am v much multishipper trash for all of them. 💙😭😭😭💙

vsjshsjsb YEAH ok so this has LAYERS which maybe is normal for ppl w big polyships but this is my first time rlly fusing the multishipping into one Huge polycule.

for starters its an everyone lives, no upside down au, everything major still happens but theres other reasons (will literally goes missing in the woods, theres a mall fire etc etc) eleven still has powers cause the other experiments still happened SHES NOT PART OF THE POLYCULE BTW the polycule is the older characters

ok so ill summarize

nancy is dating jonathan, steve, barb and robin

jonathan is dating nancy and argyle

steve is dating nancy, eddie and billy*, hes also in a qpr w robin they're more than friends they're more than besties they're SOULMATES

robin is dating nancy and barb

eddie is dating steve and chrissy becayse hes bi in this au. he has kind of a metamors w benefits thing going on w billy but they arent in love

for now chrissy is only dating eddie, she might extending to robin's polycule idk i keep changing stuff as i write about them

*on the topic of billy: i actually hate his ass in canon for obvious reasons, ive seen a lot of rlly good harringrove fanart and read some steddie fanfic where billy was included and i kinda liked the dynamic and the way ppl usually change A Lot about him when his shitty father is out of the picture. ultimately its impossible to write a redemption arc for what he did to Lucas so im considering having more of a steve situation but a lil worse, he was a bully and a shitty brother and hes trying to become a better person and learn to manage his anger issues, but hes not a racist in this because i said so and its just a silly polyship series and like i said i hate cano billy and the shit he did i dont want that in my silly haha everyone kisses polyship.

the kids are not part of this!!! except as like siblings as they already are and dustin being essentially the child eddie and steve are coparenting before they even start dating.

anyway thats my greater hawkins polycule :) i am normal about them :)

[the-rxven-king]

I’m here to bother you with questions and statements. What blorbo are you currently thinking about the most??:)

hello!!! thank you for the question ive been having a really bad day and this did make me feel better

the blorbo of my heart is my boy nowell samson, hes always living rent free in my brain. ill put his backstory stuff under a cut but heres the art i did of him a lil while back!!!

pls feel free to ask me more questions about this man hes genuinely and truly my everything

hes a modern fantasy character, a lonely 6'5" incubus with shadow abilities who was dealt an extremely unlucky hand of cards when it comes to just life in general. hes dealt with a lot of tragedy and truly the only reason that man keeps going is because hes got ghosts to help

he can see ghosts because of one of his near death experiences (one he had around the age of 12) and has dedicated a lot of his time helping ghosts find their peace and rest because he cannot do that himself since god apparently wont let him. in order to do this more easily, he brands himself as a "paranormal investigator" so that people will call him to help get ghosts out of their homes and what not and so he can get the ghosts some help rather than them just trying to get peoples attention (or so he can tell a malicious ghost to fuck off so they stop causing problems, cause that happens to)

his day job, though, is just being a freelance programmer. he takes on a lot of work to make sure ends meet, but he enjoys the work. hes made his own website for his paranormal investigation and monster hunter work, and has work on other peoples websites and a few video games. a small side goal of his is to make his own game eventually, but theres a lot of pieces to that and hes an extremely depressed individual who has chronic nightmares and insomnia to boot, so hes not really expecting himself to ever get to that nor finish it if he can. when hes having a better day he chips away at it a lil bit

currently, hes in a romantic relationship with one of my friends characters and they genuinely and literally live rent free in my head 24/7. i wrote an entire 30 page angst piece based on an au we made up like a year ago at this point. im literally bonkers about those two and immmm not gonna go into it or ill ever shut up

thats like. the worlds more Barebones Version of nowells stuff. the barely-any-spoilers TL;DR kinda shit. but thats all imma say for now cause its late and also i havent talked about my ocs on tumblr in 1800000 years and i already feel annoying typing this much under a cut DFKJGNFDJK

[definitelynotnia]

sorry i have to rant or i will cry i hate when im so angry that the anger comes out as tears

tw: random guy being a general asshole abt lgbtq and trans ppl so if you dont wanna deal with that today, cz ik there's already enough hate literally everywhere online, then please save yourself from this burden and move along, i hope u have a nice day bcz if i cant then someone should

i just spent my whole afternoon arguing with this guy- it was such a waste of my time i haven't slept properly last night and i wanted to take a nap but my nap time is GONE i hate this i told him im done with this conversation and that i dont give a shit about him enough to want to educate him on things and have him change his opinion i TOLD HIM IM DONE i told him that he can keep his opinion shoved up his ass and as long as he doesn't bully people i dont give a shit i was READY TO GO TAKE MY NAP but nooo this bitch is like "just say you've run out of valid points" like BITCH NO.

i can't have valid points to counter you with because all the points ur giving me are utter bullshit like how the fuck am i supposed to reply to "ppl assigned male at birth wearing skirts and make up is worse than war" like WHAT???? DO YOU HEAR YOURSELF??? ARE YOU INSANE? what the fuck am i supposed to respond to that with? except that trans people aren't hurting anyone and war is, and he's like "at least war can be contained, these people are spoiling the mentality of the youth" like YOU ARE THE SPOILED YOUTH not the other way around, im like listen if you were really pressed about children and how trans inclusivity impacts children then you would have at least read more about that but if your first point is only "they're doing surgery on children" then clearly you have not even done as much as a simple google search so we both know that you just heard that in some random reel and went with it and you dont give two shits about the supposed 'children being made to undergo surgery', which they're not, and all you actually care about is looking cool and edgy by hating on the lgbtq community because thats whats in trend right now in india. he's like these people are too privileged why cant they just shut up and enjoy life they are rich like first of all rich people can have problems too??? also being able to afford therapy and gender affirming care does not equal to rich thats like saying if someone in ur family has any chronic illness ur automatically rich like ??? also poor people are trans too? and im so sick of these ppl thinking being trans is just an american thing or a first world problem like brother no? you are literally living in india trans people are mentioned in the FUCKING SCRIPTURES are u KIDDING ME? being trans is not a new sudden occurence its been there for longer than you have. like literally after 2 hours of conversation the only points he could think of to hate on lgbtq for no reason is

they are rich and privileged so they shouldnt have problems

if they have a problem with their gender they should keep it to themself and not fight it (??????)

they are running from their problems (they are literally solving the problem thats the part which everyone is mad abt its when trans people try to solve the problem by being okay with expressing themselves freely and to counter i said that even alcoholics are running from their problems ive never seen any of u andrew tate cocksuckers ever make a "joke" bullying alcoholics he's like thats different like literally all his "points" are him just saying whatever and then if u try to explain it with logic he'll be like no but thats ok bcz i said so and this is wrong bcz i said so like fuck you dude)

they shouldnt have rallies and stuff because there's more important things like war that the government should focus on (he was the one who said "war is a beacon of peace there cannot be peace without war" when i had first mentioned that its ironic that out of all the bad things happening in the world rn LIKE war the biggest thing he's worried about is a "man" wearing a skirt but ok sure now all of a sudden war is a big boo boo and we should all be focusing on that, so basically when he wants to hate on ppl war is irrelevant but when a marginalised group wants to fight for their rights that time war is the most important point and no one elses suffering is valid bcz there is war)

it is spoiling today's youth (im not even gonna talk about this because i do not see how people living their lives and just existing is considered "spoiled" and "corrupt" but people regularly hating on, bullying and degrading a whole ass community just because they are uneducated swines lacking critical thinking skills and a spine that saw some 'famous' youtuber or influencer or wtv or maybe a reel with 'dark humor' dissing on lgbtq and pronouns and 'blue haired girls' and now they thing they're oh so cool and edgy and dIfFeReNt and "not like those woke snowflakes" just cz they degrade and bully a whole community of people every chance they get)

im so done im SO DONE with this bullshit its EVERYWHERE its a trend now to be hateful and mean and an asshole to anyone who isnt "normal" according to heteronormative standards. i understand not having an opinion, to some extent ok i get it you're young you don't need to be involved in this yet but no, they want to have an opinion but they will do no research they physically shudder at the thought of reading a book and god forbid they actually google up a trustworthy article to confirm some of the bullshit they believe they will do none of this but they will scream and shout about how lgbtq is the problem and magically that is the only "social issue" they care about and they care soo vehemently apparently that they have to post about it and make dArK jOkEs about it and use slurs and degrade them every chance they get because THEY are harmful yes sure you who are actively spreading hate are the angelic saviours of society and a community of people JUST EXISTING are the ones that are harmful, right.

[the-lightless-flame]

for the ask game: all of the agnes ships (jude, gertrude, jack... any others?)

(if you are so inclined)

would love to!

(link to the ask game)

ive not talked in detail about agnes in way too long..

idk if im supposed to do explanations but i will anyway. ill keep them under the cut tho bc they got longer than i expected

judeagnes:

look these two were the least healthy bitches alive but i mean. they lived together for a decent amount of time. theres no way they didnt fuck theres no way

one day i might make a post about what i think agnes' relationship to sex is and it will all be because of the very specific opinions i have about these two

they compel me but the reason i dont put it higher is probably just that its less of a ship i think about a lot and more of something thats a fact of life to me. like yeah they fucked obviously they had a long and messy relationship what more is there to say. thats probably also why i put it more far to the left than it maybe should be but oh well

gertrudeagnes:

to me gertrudeagnes is like. what they have going on is extremely complex and definitely at least a little homoerotic and i do think about them a lot. but also its so much more than that

i dont really ship them in the sense i think theyd be a good pairing, but i do think a lot about how crucial they were to each others lives on a thematic and literal level and thats much more important to me. would you call that shipping or something else? idk but i do like them alot

they did only meet once but i do think that the night they had after killing emma harvey was potentially the greatest sex in lesbian history

jackagnes (jagnes? i cant remember which one it is):

look ive gone on record as a jackagnes hater and i do have a lot of Opinions on it but in interest of not extending what is already a fairly long post ill try not to harp on it for too long

i think for me it comes down to the fact that really i dont see why jack's perception of agnes (as a partner) is any more trustworthy than jude's (as a goddess) or arthur's (as a prophet), for example. being other than what people expect is the thematic cornerstone of agnes' arc, and theres not really much i can see about jack that suggests to me it'd be any different for him

i should say actually that i do think he's very interesting as a character, but really i see him more as the idea of agnes being idealised even outside of the cult than anything else

(also i could not think of any others that would make sense to put alongside these which are kinda the main three but. if anyone has any other agnes ships i would honestly love to hear suggestions, serious or not)

[crunchybees]

a journal entry from a distant past

what are my goals? i feel myself in this state of transformation. can i truly live with no life goals? do i have to be working towards something all the time… that sounds exhausting. right now im chilling. getting high. living in the present. that sounds good to me. i think im discounting myself. ive been learning more about tarot and astrology. i want to be immersed in those. i want to learn about what we cant see. i am waiting for the right opportunity for me, but how will i know that opportunity is right if i have no goal in mind? well, first off, i do have a goal in mind - comfortability. secondly, im literally just playing devils advocate with myself. im gonna use my fucking intuition to understand if a decision is right for me or not. fucking duh. what am i talking about. i guess i had to write this out to feel better. why am i worried about having no goals? i guess i had the thought that if i had no goals in life, then my life is pointless. is that true? i dont know. it was just a thought… let me try to philophosize this real quick. if someone has no goals in life… maybe theyre just there to observe. observe the happenings of the world. how can certain lives be pointless and others significant? exactly. every life has the same amount of significance. were all here for a reason. well. i guess we are here to do different things, accomplish different tasks. but are those tasks on a ranking of importance? i want to think not. i dont think i think that. haha. im unsure. okay i just thought a little bit and im pretty sure there is no ranking, that we are of equal importance. yes. unless the universe is unfair or something… and i feel like the only unfair thing is humans. like were fucked up fr. oof this candle has been burning for too long and i have a headache now. well. this process is going to be long and drawn out. i look forward to see how i come out of it. i wonder if this is a collective happening throughout the world, or if its because of my age, or my birthchart, or if its just me. hm. i have to shit ill b back.

is it time to indulge? time to reflect and confront? or time to learn? the answer… do what you feel like doing. if you have any feeling like you dont feel like doing something… dont do it. yeah. simple as that. sometimes i forget, and thats understandable. your mindset is changing. change is not linear. its okay. i love you. i love me. do what you feel like doing. my two options are jack off, or read. mmm i feel like jacking off lol. thats what i mean though… is there a point where indulgence gets to be too much? and then i think, why are you worrying about that? just enjoy your life. stop worrying about whether something is good or bad, because youre thinking too much. using your head too much. not using your body enough. listen to your body more than your mind. when you start to thinking about whether youre getting too indulgent, youre limiting yourself, and your overthinking about things that do. not. matter. it doesnt matter. you do what you feel you should do. not what you think. your thoughts are influenced by your environment. your body is your body. bitch if yo coochie tingling play with it. if you feel like getting high then get high. if u feel like watching tv or doing nothing, then do that. dont feel bad. what the fuck. thats what other people have conditioned you to think. why would you feel bad about doing stuff that makes you feel good. stop that. i love you. who am i talking to? i feel like theres another person in my mind. ive always felt like that… always have conversations with myself. i think thats a good thing. always the devils advocate, seeing different perspectives within myself. i wonder where it comes from. is it me talking to myself? is it just me replacing the person who i would want to tell me these things? maybe. maybe. sun in my twelfth house.. i keep thinking that has something to do with it. sense of self is hidden. maybe me conversing with myself is that sense of self coming out of its hiding spot. im discovering myself, instead of just being a product of my environment. its me. its just me. its just been hidden. yes. hello. we are going to be friends. is it mental illness or a spiritual awakening lol. that was a joke. a meme i saw earlier. well. what a realization. i am curious to see this sense of self more in the future. hm. taking notes on the computer is so much easier because i type much faster than i write, however i am concerned about the digital aspect. im getting a hard drive soon. bye now.

[toothlespoggers]

”Why are you sad” WHY ARE YOU HAPPY? HOW CAN YOU BE HAPPY WHEN THE ONLY WAY YOU CAN FEEL JOY IS BY HAVING ENOUGH MONEY TO GO DO STUFF THAT IS FUN IN THE MOMENT BUT ULTIMATELY STILL LEAVES YOU EMPTY INSIDE BECAUSE NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO THE WORLD IS BEING FUCKED OVER IN A MILLION DIFFERENT WAYS BY PEOPLE WHO DONT HAVE COMMON SENSE AND THERES NO HOPE IN TRYING TODO ANYTHING ABOUT IT BECAUSEIT JUST DOESNT WORK. HOW ARE YOU HAPPY WHEN ITS IMPOSSIBLE TO BE ON THE INTERNET WITHIUT SEEING EVERYTHING BAD IN THE WORLD. THE ONLY WAY TO BE “HAPPY” IS TO BE AWAY FROM LITERALLY EVERYTHING, HAVE EVERYTHING CONTROLLED AND PERFECT. AND HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO ISSUES. UNTIL YOU DIE. BECAUSE EVERYTHING ELSE, WALKING DOWN THE STREET, EATING, SLEEPING. EVERYTHING JUST REMINDS YOU THAT SOMEONE ELSE IS CONSTANTLY SUFFERING FOR NO FUCKING REASON AND THERES NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT BECAUSE YOURE A CHILD. AND SOMEHOW ADULTS DONT CARE. THEY DONT CARE ABOUT THE DEATHS. THEY DONT SEE THE BLOODSTAINS ON EVERYTHING AROUND THEM. THEY SOMEHOW AVOID IT ALL.

WHY ARE YOU HAPPY? BECAUSE BEING SAD. BEING ANYTHING ELSE. IS TOO DIFFICULT. WHAT ARE WE JUST SUPPOSED TO ROLL OVER WHEN SOMEONE ASKS IF YOURE OK? NO. BECAUSE THIS IS HOW EVERYTHING WOULD GO

“hey man, you ight?”

“NO I AM NOT ALRIGHT, EVERYTHING IS AWFUL EVERYTHING IS BAD. THE “GOOD” IS MOSTLY JUST GASLIGHTING, A SUNNY LITTLE PICTURE OF FALSE HOPES AND PROMISES TO CALM YOU DOWN AND KEEP SOCIETY FUNCTIONING BECAUSE IN REALITY EVERYTHING IS BAD, THE BAD COMES SO MUCH AND THE GOOD IS SO SPARSE YOU HAVE TO PHYSICALLY REMIND YOURSELF OF IT, AND IF EVERYTHINGS OK WOULDNT IT BE EASY TO FIND OUT GOOD NEWS INSTEAD OF DIGGING THROUGH THE INTERNET TO FIND ANYTHING? ISNT IT RIDICULOUS THAT WE ARE LABELLED AS “MENTALLY ILL” FOR HAVING FUCKING COMMON SENSE? WE ALL REALISED AS SOON AS WE GAINED SENTIENCE

“HEY WOW, ACTUALLY THE WORLD IS KINDA HORRIBLE!” AND INSTEAD OF FIXING IT EVERYONE ELSE WAS LIKE “YEAH BRO MAYBE YOU SHOULD TALK TO SOMEONE ABOUT THAT, YOURE CRAZY. THE WORLD ISNT AWFUL! LOOK AT OUR LITTLE RICH WHITE NEIGHBOURHOOD, EVERYTHING IS PERFECT AND NOTHING IS WRONG! YOU ARE STUPID FOR THINKING THIS.”

LIKE BRO. NO??? ITS NOT OK? I DONT “GET SAD” I AM SAD. THIS ANXIETY DEPRESSION, COCKTAIL NEVER SUBSIDES. IT IS JUST IGNORED. REPEATEDLY. BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO FORGOT TO SURVIVE.

YOU HAVE TO GRIT YOUR TEETH, WIPE YOUR EYES AND DISSOCIATE. BECAUSE YOU KNOW DEEP DOWN IN YOUR HEART THAT NOTHING WILL EVER CHANGE FOR THE BETTER. YOU HAVE TO HAVE THE MINDSET OF:

“Well Im alive now, I might as well enjoy it” BECAUSE THAT IS LITERALLY ALL YOU CAN DO.

I WANT. TO BELIEVE. IN THE POSITIVES.

WE ALL DO.

BUT LOOK AROUND.

IT WOULD LITERALLY TAKE A MIRACLE, NOT A SMALL ONE. A NATIONAL. WORLD WIDE. MASSIVE MASSIVE MASSIVE MIRACLE. TO FIX THINGS.

BUT THATS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.

YOU CANT EVEN TAKE COMFORT IN RELIGION BECAUSE RELIGION IS LIKE “yeah no everythings gonna be like really bad and get worse and worse until everyone dies”

like. SERIOUSLY.

so NO. I am not “ok” and if you are. Congratulations. You’ve achieved a level of ignorance I TRULY wish I could obtain.

you wanna know why NO ONE TALKS LIKE THIS?

BECAUSE IF EVERYONE ON EARTH KNEW THIS. EVERYTHING WOULD COLLAPSE.

And I’m not saying you can’t be happy. YOU CAN! I am often happy! I have a lot of good moments. Life is worth living! Until a certain point you can always experience joy. There will always be SOMETHING. Good.

I’m sorry it sucks. I want it to change, I want to be happy. I want to go outside knowing that there’s a future, that there isn’t just misery ahead of me.

but I can’t do anything about it.

I can’t seek therapy. I can’t tell anyone.

because all they do is try and get me to be happy again, different strategies!! Different Methods! Different medication! So much medication :,D but I’m tired of people telling me not to be sad.

Stop trying to fix the individuals with drugs and cheesy advice.

FIX THE WORLD FOR US. THEN THE CHILDREN WONT NEED TO BE HIGH ON PAIN KILLERS TO BE HAPPY.

(I try to keep stuff like this to a minimum on my blog but at this point this is the only way I can safely put my opinion out into the world without being put into a mental hospital or yelled at.)

[nihiltism]

tell us about the au where audrey fights odio!!!

grabs you grabs you grabs y. okay so i dont know if. anyone save for 7 and casey hi 7 and casey. i dont know if any of you guys know both of their deals. more of you know audy than odio. im working on a slideshow for that. but ill put a basis here under a readmore for Major both wandersong and live a live spoilers. if you do not care about the background do not read this part its all just me explaining backstories.

okay so!! to make things short, odio mclivealive was once a Protagonisty Jrpg Hero named oersted set on a Jrpg Quest to save a princess from a big bad dragon the Lord Of Dark but things go badly. the first time he goes to the dragon's lair two of his party dies (his childhood friend and his Implied Hero) and for Completely Nothing, not even the dragon was more than an illusion. from there oersted accidentally kills the king via Being Illusioned Again into thinking that he's the Lord Of Dark and pretty much the entire populace turning against him calling Him the Lord Of Dark^tm instead. from there he tries to go back and find the princess to clear his name but all he finds is Betrayal as he finds the childhood friend at the top of the Evil Dragon Lair that he thought he lost earlier. but no actually hes just jealous of oersted being a Protagonisty Hero and never feeling Loss or whatever. they end up fighting and oersted ends up having to kill his best friend, only for the princess to finally show up out of the shadows and Promptly Stab Herself In The Fucking Heart because while she was Waiting And Praying for oersted to come save her, when he finally did it was only to kill the man she Really loved and call himself a hero for it. so at least if she killed herself he couldnt take her from him too.

i love shakespeare. anyway from here the silent protag oersted, alone at the top of a Big Bad Dragon Lair and faced with the people he cared about all dead at his feet for what they Say is his fault finally speaks up. hadn't he done everything that was asked of him? what could he have possibly done differently? not be the hero everyone wanted him to be? oersted was promised a hero's ending, yet it all turned on him for nothing he possibly could have controlled. they call him demon, but at this point can he even deny it? so, at the top of this Peak Of Hate, he steels his heart and becomes the monster the people he was fighting for wanted him to be, taking the throne of a long-dead god to become Odio, the Lord Of Dark. then he goes and commits atrocities. im not going to get into that but its a joker arc and the next time we see him hes so evil and murdery i like out loud went holy shit oersted chill out. but he still holds the belief that hes the true hero this whole time right. all i really wanted to say is that hes a villainous paragon who went too far off the deep end.

this is also to say that audrey's not nearly as bad as him! also that explanation was long so im gonna try to explain audy a bit more succinctly.

audrey redheart is from any perspective that isnt wandersong, the main character. she was chosen for a quest by what is Effectively An Angel for actual literal god to go kill some other mini-gods, in a ritual to end the world so god can start it over again. this'd be fine if the actual main character of the game, the bard, wasn't getting in her way and trying to find a different way to Save the world which almost everyone knows at this point is a wild goose chase. but they KEEP. GOING. audrey was given her destiny on a silver platter, this is Her story. she's only doing what's right but even at a point the angel who picked her starts to cheer for the bard instead! all she wants to do is be the hero, there's no reason to assume she's anything different, but just from the Way The Game Is, she's the villain and it's not fair. what's worse is that she Does actually accomplish her goal. she manages to kill the last overseer even despite the mcs defending them, and Does end the world. not really though. at the last possible second, the bard makes a desperate plea with the power of singing and friendship or whatever that Does actually manage to make the god rethink destroying the world.

despite all her efforts, despite doing Everything right, the bard managed to save the world. they managed to steal Her story. i am actually emo about this part but from audreys perspective its Crushing because this effectively means that even the god who gave her this purpose in the first place left her behind. yeah. yeah. you don't see her postgame but my interp is that she kind of just. stews in it. she's far too proud to even admit the bard won but also can't just take their credit so she's just in a fun echo chamber of resentment. i dont think she really Goes anywhere with it for good or for bad without a nudge but i also assume she'd actively avoid almost anyone who Could give her a nudge. yknow? yknow.

THAT WAS LONG IM SORRY. ill actually explain the concept in a reblog but i wanted to give some background first for my followers who dont know these guys.

[swampgallows]

the usual

im mad because im trying to read books again, specifically trying to pick up toxic parents and body keeps the score again so i can try and Help Myself basically now that im back in the limbo of having no therapist. but trying to concentrate on shit and hunker down and learn things when i know it’s good for me i swear it’s like a flashbang goes off in my brain and everything just whites out. ‘concentrate’ isnt even the right word for it because it’s like i cant even begin to get started. it’s like staring into the sun to even begin to think about stuff i guess, it’s all so overwhelming. i want so much about my life to change, so much, so badly, so drastically, but so much of it just doesnt feel feasible that it’s like ive implanted this mental block in my brain to even dream of change because it’s too caustic. 

that ‘autistic masking’ article about the boy who would build and paint his models at night then clean everything up so he left no trace of himself... i think about how much ive whittled myself down and have tried to take up very little space. how i dont play my music on speakers, dont draw anymore, basically only took up writing more because it was something that was between me and a notepad document and didnt take time the same way as drawing, and wasnt possible to immediately consume like a drawing (people grabbing my sketchbook and just flippantly turning the pages, skimming past drawings that took me hours in favor of minute long sketches, glancing at drawings that were supposed to express my deep feelings and having immediate reactions of disgust or ridicule)

i make kandi put it on a chain then put it away. it cant really go anywhere anyway, not like i’ll be attending raves again any time soon. i have no reason or place to wear my ‘fun clothes’ anymore. i wore what i thought was a cute outfit at christmas and even my immediate family had some shit to say about it. i wore a pair of stockings that ive had (and worn) since i was 14  years old. i wore them to my very first raver day at disneyland. and theyre surprised when i wear them now? like they havent seen them before????

even here i was about to say “i tire of myself” and close this window or hit post and stop here, but literally my blog is one of the only places i can actually express myself somewhere and send it out to a place where it’s seen. yeah i can write things down in my journal and ‘express myself’ there so that “personal stuff” isnt online but... i already do that. set up my models and paint them late at night, then put them away before anyone sees in the morning. djing only in my headphones at 4am, pulling them off periodically to make sure they arent too loud even through the headphones. lighting candles but opening the window so there isn’t “too much” scent. 

if im autistic or have adhd or some combination of the two, then my whole family is too and all undiagnosed (save for maybe my dad. i think he’s the closest one of us to being ‘normal’). i took that blorbo quiz and it asked “How would they describe themselves?” 

how would -i- describe myself? i dont know. people tell me im smart and funny. i think it’s because they cant think of anything nicer to say.

Part of me is still chasing the approval of all the world’s English teachers. Getting compliments on my writing makes me feel like my life matters. And I still struggle to ask for love and affection when a real, flesh and blood human is looking me in the face. It’s difficult for me to believe someone might care for me as an equal, and like things about me other than my intellect. I frequently have to remind myself I’m no longer a child, and don’t need approval of the “adults” anymore.

as long as im stuck living with my parents im going to perpetually be the child. it’s also really fucking frustrating knowing how ill prepared i am to live as an adult. even when i had a job i had to quit it so i didnt kill myself. i dont think just getting a job is the answer, though i know it’s a mandatory piece of the puzzle. ugh god