#living is expensive and my paycheck was not as much as i was expecting :'))

[nedsseveredhead]

Hello! My name is Ned, I’m an nb artist from Buffalo, NY! I am opening heavily discounted headshot commissions to help supplement my income so I can pay off some bills. If you’d like a cheap portrait of your DnD character, your Warrior of Light, or even your poor little meow meow from your favorite TV show, I would be happy to provide! My regular commission TOS still apply.

I also have cheaper YCH style commissions available on my KoFi page, where you can also donate if you’re feeling particularly generous! Reblogs would also help immensely as tumblr seems to remove anything with links from the search function :’D

If you’re interested in anything, shoot me a DM and I will respond as fast as possible- thank you so much for your help!

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for refusing to pay my ex back money that I supposedly owe?

So, I was in a relationship with X for three years. We were engaged and lived together for one. During that time, we have some problem with money. Both of us lost our jobs kind of close together. We got new jobs, so rent wasn't really a problem, but day-to-day expenses like gas and groceries were.

X is trying to say that I owe them $1.4K or so because, during this time, they took out a couple of credit cards to make ends meet. They're claiming that I 1) knew ahead of time that they were taking out credit cards, and 2) agreed to pay them back when we were both in a more comfortable place.

I have no memory of this conversation we apparently had. I went through our messages (we use Discord so I had no problem searching for keywords) and nothing there, either.

During our relationship, X was always cagey about their finances. They have a bit of an independence complex because they want to establish themselves as capable without their parents. But that also meant that I never knew what bills they owed or how much — about anything. Even when they complained about costs, it was always vague.

Even agreeing to "pay them back" sounds weird to me because our relationship wasn't like that. We were partners and covered each other when we could, and repayment was never expected because, duh, we were planning to get married.

X has no evidence of me knowing about these credit cards in the first place, LET ALONE agreeing to pay anything back. They're claiming that they spent 24k in total on those cards in the year we were together, which seems INSANE to me. I have no idea how the fuck they managed to spend that much on two people.

They want me to pay them back because they took the credit cards out to support me, I guess — but, again, I never asked them to do that or even knew that they were. It's not like they were buying insanely fancy stuff, and they got paid more than me, so I just assumed their money was from their paychecks and they never said anything to make me thing that their debts were piling up.

I did offer to help them pay off some bills a couple of times, but they always declined. And I didn't offer out of obligation, I offered because I loved them.

But, tbh, even if I thought I did legitimately owe them money, I wouldn't pay them back, anyway, because we ended on very nasty terms and they still owe something like $4k to my parents, anyway.

So, AITA? Or at least justified in being "petty"?

[devotedlykoneshots]

NAKAMOTO YUTA : SUGAR DADDY

Genre: 18+ , minors dni, 🔞, sugar daddy plot, yuta is persistent, straight filth at the end by bad.

Word count: 5,440 ( the longest fix I've ever written, I got too into it lmao)

---------

He was just a man, wealthy , young , attractive, successful businessman.

You were an average worker just getting by , living paycheck to paycheck.

You had met him at a restaurant and from the looks of it , he was in the middle of dinner with his colleagues and honestly you felt a little bit out of dress.

There they were chatting and laughing as they sat there in their expensive suits, while you sat there in a dress you found on sale at rainbow and you were waiting for your boyfriend.

Your very late boyfriend.

You're not sure when or how long he'd been staring at you but one of the guys definitely were looking your way , sipping on wine that was probably twice your rent as you sipped on water.

Your eyes only seemed to widen further as he excused himself and got up to walk over to your table, you dumbly looked around to see if he was walking towards someone behind you but when you turned around he was taking a seat in front of you.

"Can I help you?" You asked him and he ran his fingers through his burgundy hair.

"Sorry , I couldn't help but notice you were all alone"you snorted at the irony and shook your head.

"I'm just waiting for my boyfriend"you said and he raised an eyebrow at you.

"You got here before me and we've been here for 2 hours, why stay?"he asked and you looked down, you hadn't realized.

"Sorry , I don't mean to pry"he apologized and you shook your head.

"Something must've come up"you made yet another excuse for your boyfriend.

"Have you eaten?"he asked, as far as he knows you haven't and the water you'd been sipping on for hours was definitely warm by now.

"No"you said reluctantly and he turned his head to whistle at the waiter, waving him over.

"What are you doing?"you asked him and he raised his eyebrows at you, the what should have been obvious by now.

"You've been here for over two hours and you've yet to eat, what does it look like I'm doing?"he got sassy with you, further taking you back at the scene unfolding in front of you.

"She's ready to order"he tells the waiter and the employee turns to grab you a menu.

"You're crazy"you run your fingers through your hair , this was not how you expected your Friday night to go.

"You can thank me next time"he said as he stood up from your table and walked away.

"Next time? Wha-"you're cut off by your boyfriends arrival, your anger flaring up.

"What was that about?"he asked and you ignored him, asking him a question of your own.

"Where were you?"he sat down in front of you and grabbed your hand, rubbing his thumb on the back of it and usually you'd melt at his affection but tonight was not one of those times.

"Something came up"for 3 hours? You wanted to ask.

"So, you couldn't send me a text? Instead you allowed room for another man, a stranger - to buy me dinner at my favorite restaurant that you promised you'd do on our anniversary"you ended up snapping at him instead and this idiot ignored majority of your rant, focusing on one little part.

"He bought you dinner?"he'd asked , you almost wanted to slap some sense into him quite literally.

"Of course that's all you got from that"you rolled your eyes and took the menu from the waiter.

The rest of the night was spent with your boyfriend eating something cheap from the menu while you ate something you'd always wanted to try and drank the wine you'd been eyeing all night.

Your boyfriend finally got the hint, you wouldn't put up with his foolishness for much longer.

So you're not surprised to find a bouquet of roses (not your favorite) on your desk at work the next morning with a note from him.

You however couldn't help but think back to the man responsible for your boyfriends sudden change in attitude.

Who was he?

Your answer would come only 2 weeks later at a party with your friends, celebrating your best friends engagement.

"Since our anniversary he's really straightened up and I'm loving it really but it still angers me that all it took was another man showing interest in me to get his act together"you explained and karina raised her eyebrows.

"Who is this mystery man?" Jennie asked and you shrugged your shoulders.

"He never told me his name and I haven't seen him since"you tell her and she hums.

"We're in a better place because of it"you concluded and you honestly weren't expecting to see him at all for the rest of your life maybe but that's not how it works.

"Well cheers to that"yeji laughs and you all drown your shots , they all laugh and tease you as you're the last one to finish.

Just then the doors opens and a group of men enter the room, directly going to the VIP section and that's when you see him.

He's dressed different now and a lot more appetizing if you say so yourself,  he's dressed in all black and his sleeves are rolled up to show off his arms.

"Oh my god"you're quick yo turn around and your friends are instantly on alert.

"What?"they asked in unison, jihyo being the mom she is starts to rub your back.

"That's him, the one that bought me dinner"you told them and they whipped around to look for him but you weren't very specific.

"Where?"Karina asked.

"VIP section, to the left of the guy with the undercut"you tell them and after spotting him they turn to you, whispering but clearly wanting to yell.

"NO FUCKING WAY"

"WHAT?"you whisper , they obviously knew who he was.

"THATS NAKAMOTO YUTA, SUPER FUCKING RICH"Lisa makes her presence known.

"NOT RICH , WEALTHY"Jennie looks like she's about to bust a but just thinking about him.

"he's coming over"Karina is the most calm.

"What?"you turn around just in time to see him walking over to you.

"If we keep meeting up like this I'm gonna start thinking you're stalking me"he smirked and you never thought you'd find a man smirking hot but here we are.

"We both know who's really stalking who here"you roll your eyes and he snickers at your change in attitude from the last time you met.

"I just realized I never got your name"he said and you opened your mouth to say something witty but Jennie was faster.

"Its y/n, I'm Jennie"holding out her hand and he shakes it politely.

"Yuta"he never took his eyes off of you and you couldn't help but question what his intentions were.

"Do you wanna join us?"he asked and raising your eyebrows.

"I can't , I'm celebrating my best friends engagement"you turned down the offer and jihyo looks around dramatically.

"What engagement you talking about?"she asked and you burst out laughing , shaking your head at her silly antics.

"You're all welcome to join us"he offered and you shake your head, you couldn't.

"I have a boyfriend"you told him , it wasn't right.

"So do i"Jennie said but still strutted her way up to the VIP section and you sighed, going against your better judgement.

"Okay....lead the way"you gave in and yuta placed a hand on your back to lead the way.

"These are my friends , haechan, johnny, jaehyun, doyoung, taeil, jeno, Lucas, jaemin and mark"yuta smiles as he introduces you and your friends to his own.

--------

You got home late that night and your boyfriend was not happy one bit but you'd just told him you were with your friends , it wasn't a lie but it wasn't the truth either.

The next time you saw yuta you were at work and you shook your head as he walked up to you.

"You're definitely stalking me now" you commented and he chuckles.

"Could you blame me, I may have grown quite fond of you" he said and you raised your eyebrows, you kinda figured that much.

"I have a boyfriend"you reminded him for the millionth time it felt like and he was rather blunt with his response.

"I don't really care"he admitted and you looked down.

"Can I get you something from our menu? I can't have you holding up my line"you asked him and he chuckles at your attempt to get him to leave.

"When do you get off work?"he asked instead and you sighed.

"Why? Don't you have anything better to do than chase after a taken woman?" You asked and he raised his eyebrows again.

"Better to be chased than taken for granted , don't you think?"he quipped and your jaw dropped before you closed it.

"I'm not..."you shake your head and reminded him of the obvious.

"You're holding up my line"he turns his head to see a group of people behind him , he flashed them a smile and the girls all melted right on the spot.

"I'll leave , when you tell me what time you get off"he insisted and you stomp your feet like a little toddler before giving in.

"8pm tonight, now please" he smiled at your frustrated state.

"I'll be here at 7:30 to pick you up"he said and looked at him with wide eyes for what felt like the millionth time.

"Wait - what?"

---------

"I'm just going to say it"he immediately jumps up after the last customer leaves and you raised your eyebrows at him.

"Okay...."you're not used to seeing him so....nervous? He's always been chill and laid back, very sure of himself and his abilities.

"I want to take care of you..... financially, I want you to quit that useless place you call a job and yes I know you have a boyfriend"he tells you before you could even say it and you bite your bottom lip, as long as he knew.

"I don't really care honestly , if I have to watch you walk home one more time and in the cold for Christ sake I'm literally going to buy this shit joint"damn was it ever really that serious? You chuckle at your own inner commentary.

"You want to be my sugar daddy?"you asked and his face twisted into one of disgust.

"God , don't say it like that. I'm not old and I'm not asking for anything in return , just let me take care of you and if you decide to ditch that pathetic excuse of boyfriend later down the line then I wanna be the one to help you celebrate"damn , he really doesn't like your boyfriend huh?

"I don't know, I mean that's not fair to him"you tell him and he rolls his eyes, licking his lips.

"When has he ever been fair to you? He's not even here to pick you up from work and you have to catch a bus and walk 20 minutes to get home, god knows what could've happened had I not been here."now how in the hell?

"How do you know-"he cuts off your incoming question.

"I have my ways....just let me drop you off and think about what I'm offering"he said and you sigh, a ride home did sound nice.

"Okay....just a ride home"you agreed, following him to his car in the parking lot and you gaped at the red ferrari.

"Have you eaten?"his voice brings you from your trance as he unlocks the car and opens your door for you, your stomach growling answered his question and you get in the car.

"What do you wanna eat?"he asked and you looked over at him as he gets in the car, doors locked and you just noticed how good he smells up close.

"You said a ride home"you tell him and he rolls his eyes, it wasn't a big deal for him but it was for you.

"Now its just a pit stop to grab something to eat, you've got to take better care of yourself"he slightly scolds you and you scoff, folding your arms.

"I take care of myself fine"you look out of the window and its his time to scoff now.

"Really? Because every time we meet you hadn't eaten in hours."he said and you looked at him, you hadn't even met that much.

"Maybe I wasn't hungry"you counter and he chuckles, pulling out of the parking lot.

"Yeah because you devoured the food i bought you at the restaurant within minutes because you weren't hungry"you noticed he matched your energy well, talking to him was easy and he seemed to love to tease you as well.

"You watched me"you gasped and hit his arm before you realized what you had done , you went to apologize but his next comment sent a chill up your spine.

"I'm always watching you"he said and you focus on the road ahead of you.

"Why me? You could have any girl in the world and you chose me, even Jennie wants you and she's my friend"you tell him and he snorts, glancing over at you.

"You need a better friend"he said and you shake your head , Jennie was a good friend for the most part but she was hyper sexual and she wasn't ashamed of her sexuality.

"We're not together , she doesn't owe me anything"you wave off his comment.

"I have plenty of other friends she's welcome to shoot her shot at but its not gonna happen with me"damn he was dead set on you.

"You didn't answer my question, why me?"you asked again, turning your body to face him and he keeps a hand on the wheel as he let's your seat back for you to get more comfortable.

"I don't know, I just got this feeling the first time we met and I just knew I had to have you"he wasn't afraid to be honest with you and why would someone of his status be anything but honest with you.

"You can't have me, you know that right"you tell him and he hums.

"Yet"is all he says and you're taken back by his answer.

"You really are crazy"you laugh and look out the window , he chuckles.

"The best ones are"

--------

Your boyfriend wasn't happy and you sympathized with that part, you'd been doing a lot of things you normally wouldn't do and now they were catching up to you.

You woke up one morning and your face was all over the news, pictures of you with yuta at all of the places you'd run into each other together and your boyfriend was seeing this for the first time.

"You lied to me! You said you were with your girls"you remembered yuta whispering into your ear that night about how unfortunate it was that you were taken and how his arm was draped over the back of the couch behind you.

"It wasn't a lie but it wasn't the whole truth either" you winced and he paced across the floor.

"Are you sleeping with him?"he asked and you scoffed.

"I'm not you, I don't sleep with people I barely know"irritated that he would even considered that as an option.

"So what are you?"he asked and you rolled your eyes.

"He wants to take care of me...financially"you told him and he scoffed.

"What did you tell him?"he asked and you looked down at your fingers.

"I'd think about it"you said and he laughed bitterly.

"Oh for the love of god, you practically agreed"he accused you and your anger flared up.

"I didn't agree for you! because its not fair for you!"you yelled at him, pretty sure you'd get a noise complaint filed.

"You don't care about me"he shakes his head and that angered you even more.

"Really? Did you not forget why we're in this mess to begin with? You were 3 hours late to your own anniversary dinner"you rightfully reminded him why this stranger had taken interest in you.

"I'm still with you because I care , I haven't agreed because I care and I feel terrible because I care"you continued to go off , not once had you when remotely entertained this mans advances. 

"Its not my fault you gave him an opening and now he won't back off and he's aware I have you but he's never crossed the line"you told him and it was true although yuta wanted you he'd never touched you or made you feel like you couldn't make your own decisions.

"I can't do this, you wanna whore yourself out to some rich guy then be my guest and I won't stand in your way"now you were livid.

"If you wanna go so bad.... I'll help you"you announced and got off the couch, going to your bedroom to help him pack.

"Y/n , don't you touch my stuff-" he's cut off by a shoe barely missing his face and its followed by various clothes and shoes.

"Get out!"you yelled at him and threw the suitcase as well , him barely dodging it.

"I'm the one that should be angry!"he yelled but packed his things anyway.

"I get it , you feel threatened and I'm not gonna hold your hand anymore. Especially when I've been loyal despite him continuously making advances on me"you help him pack and you even zipped up the suitcase.

"Whore myself out....if anyone is a whore its you and you can go to hell with your insecurities because you didn't start acting like a man until he came along"you continued to go off in his shit but you still handed him his coat and opened the door for him, slamming it shut in his face.

--------

You found yourself in a bind and since you were single now, your boyfriend got kicked out and rent was due soon, you had no choice but to accept yutas offer.

"I'm sorry that happened"he frowned sympathetically but you both knew he was happy as hell that you got dumped.

"You're so happy , you can't even hide it"you scoff and he chuckles, shrugging his shoulders.

"You don't need him"he said and you sigh, resting your chin on your hand.

"I don't wanna need you either"you pout and he mimics your posture, including the pout.

"You don't , just think of this as payback for turning your world upside down in the best way possible."he grinned and you rolled your eyes , sharing your head.

"You're a mess"you tell him and he bites his bottom lip, sliding forward more.

"I can make you a mess"you jump back and blush as he laughs at your flustered state.

"Yuta"you cover your face and he shrugs, sitting back in his chair.

"Your fault not mine"

"So how does 250k every 2 weeks sound?"he changes the subject , taking you by surprise again.

"What? Yuta-"he cuts you off.

"Rule number one, take what I give you and I mean....everything"he's serious and demanding for the first time , you're not surprised when you feel a tingle in your uh....lower region.

"What am I supposed to do with 250k?"you asked him, jaw still on the floor and he hums as he takes a finger to press against your chin.

"Move out of that wretched apartment for starters"you frown, that was your first apartment.

"I'm taking care of you now and my love, you deserve the best of what life has to offer and you'll also need a new wardrobe."he said and looks out of the window but when he looks back, you're still frowning.

You found nothing wrong with your wardrobe but even Jennie has called you out for your lack of fashion sense many times before.

"You're cute but johnny would kill me if he saw you rocking what could be mistaken as baby phat"your jaw dropped again and he chuckles.

"He and his partner mingi can help you with that, they love fashion like that"you huff and fold your arms over your chest.

"Keep doing that and I'll give you a reason to huff" you dropped your arms instantly and looked out if the window, only hearing his laughter ring in your ears.

--------

You sat on the stool at your new apartment and yuta walked around very pleased with what he saw, his friend doyoung helped you decorate and he definitely had an eye for interior design.

"How do you feel?"he asked as he followed you out onto the balcony, it was a nice set up and the fairy lights only made it better.

"Weird , its gonna take some getting used to"you say after a moment and he nodded, understanding that.

"Your personal driver will take you anywhere you wanna go , until you get your drivers license" he must've noticed the confusion on your face when you saw two cars in the driveway.

"I don't know what to say"you said, in just a few months your life had changed completely and you were still trying to grasp that this was reality.

"Thank you?"he chuckles and you shake your head at him.

"I feel like I should do more than that"you tell him and he shakes his head.

"You don't have to, I just wanna take care of you"he reminds you, he's always kept his promise of wanting nothing in return.

"Who's gonna take care of you?"you asked and he turned to you.

"What do you mean?"he asked, blatantly confused but he gets the hint as you pull him closer by his belt and start to unbuckle it and his jeans.

"I wanna take care of you"you whispered and he grabs your hands with a groan.

"Y/n , look at me"he demands and you look up at him with your bottom lip trapped between your teeth.

"I want you....god knows i do but not like this, I don't want you to do this because you feel like you owe me"he explained and you furrowed your eyebrows, confused.

"Why?"you asked, you never thought you'd see a man turn down a blowjob.

"I want you on your knees because you want me and there's nothing that could quetch your thirst except for my cock"his forehead meets yours and you whimper, his grip on your wrists tighten at the sound and he wanted nothing more than to bend you over the railing and mark his claim on your body and soul.

"Don't say things like that and push me away"you voice brought him back to reality.

"Another time, yeah?"he asked as the door to your apartment opened and you nodded.

"Yeah"you almost forgot about the house warming party.

"Don't ask"he said , turning his attention to haechan and the rest of his and your friends as he fixed his pants.

"Wasn't going to"haechan held up his hands in surrender.

The next time you're alone with yuta was at his vacation home in Italy, you were relaxing in a jacuzzi and yuta watched you from the back door. The way your chest rose with every breath you took and he's snapped out of his trance once he hears a bunch of commotion.

Both of your friend groups seemed to have combined because now whenever you'd go on a trip they weren't far behind.

"Mind if I join you?" Yuta asked as he approached your figure and you smiled, nodding your head and he places your legs on top of his lap as your friends join you.

"This is great" Jennie smiles but you're too preoccupied with trying to keep a straight face as yuta rubs your thighs innocently, your mind however was absolute filth.

"I'm going to get a drink" you stand up and move to get out of the jacuzzi , wrapping a towel around yourself and yuta joins you.

You both go into the house after drying your feet and hair off with another towel , what do you want?"he asked as he opened the fridge and you hugged him from behind.

"I want you"you kissed his bare shoulder and he turns around, sitting his beer on the counter.

"Y/n"he goes to grab your hands but you smack his away, him raising an eyebrow at you.

"I want you now, yuta"you're not backing down this time, you want him.

No, you need him.

"Damn , are you sure?"he asked as he grabs your waist and you step closer, nodding and hiding your face in his neck.

"Yes, please" you lift your head and stand on your tiptoes to kiss his lips, he's taken aback by your boldness but kisses you back nonetheless.

"Jump" he breathes against your lips and you jump, wrapping your legs around his waist and kissing his lips more before your lips trail down to his neck.

"Fuck-" he turns and makes the walk to your room , the both of you having two separate rooms not far from each other .

You bite down on his neck after he closes the door with his foot and he walks to the bathroom with you, you realized he was heading towards the shower.

"Let me help you wash the chlorine off first, then I'm all yours" he promises and you nod, letting him carry you in the shower and turn on the water before putting you down.

He turns you around and presses you up against his chest, your bikini top comes off first and your bottoms follow the same fate.

His lips are on your neck and you whimper as you push your ass up against his front, he moves and trails kisses down your body.

His tongue touches every piece of skin on your body and you can't help but get even more turned on by that , the water turning off brings you back and yuta leads you out.

He doesn't care about the water and tosses your still wet frame on the bed, you gasp and he's quick to hover over you as his lips return to your own.

His tongue pushes into your mouth uninvited and you count help but moan, wrapping your legs around him and your fingers run through his dripping hair.

"Yuta" you whine as he pulls back and kisses his way from your jawline to your lower belly, not forgetting to give some love to your nipples using his tongue and mouth.

"Inside" you whimper and he tsks , shaking his head and continuing to move at his own pace which you huff at but that only earns you a slap to your pussy.

"Yuta!" You squeak and cover yourself from getting slapped again.

"What did I say about that huffing?" He asked and you bit your bottom lip.

"I'm sorry" you apologize and he coos , pushing your hands out of the way and continuing to kiss further down.

He stops at your inner thighs and sucks the skin into his mouth , so close to where you want him and he could care less about your needy little pussy craving for his attention.

Was he punishing you?

That thought was wiped from your train of thought as soon as his lips closed around your clit and a moan rips the the depths of your gut, right were you wanted his dick to be by now.

"You're so wet baby"hands throwing your legs over his shoulder and he digs in, not holding back and placing a hand on your lower abdomen to hold you in place as he attacks your leaking pussy with his tongue.

"Needy baby- how good am I doing?" He asked and continued to lick you feverishly , his tongue adding just the right amount of pressure that has you cumming undone just how he likes.

"Fuck" he can't help but chuckle as he watches you come back down to earth, he's now at your side and rubbing slow circles on your clit.

"Too much" you push his hand away and he kisses your cheek.

"You did so good" he praises you and you smile lazily at him, your hand trailing down and grabbing his bare cock which was fully hard.

"Fuck me, please mr nakamoto" you whine and squeeze the base as you lazily stroke his cock, he smacks your hand away and gets up.

He grabs your waist and manhandles you into the position he wants, ass up and face down.

You're angled towards the mirror he had set up in your room and now you know why he had it a specific way, you cry out his name as he smacked your ass harshly and he grinned that evil smile he had.

Slap after slap he landed them all on both of your ass cheeks and you closed your eyes, a tear falling down your face and you jerk away from him once his tongue makes contact with your stinging skin.

"Y-yuta"you whimper.

"I've waited to have you for months , I guarantee you're not leaving this room for a few hours"was that supposed to be a threat? Your body was tingling with anticipation.

"Do your worst"you challenged him and he thrusted his cock into you , his hand pushing your face in the pillow to muffle your scream and he's pulling your hair back soon after. 

"Ag- fuck"you cry out as he pounds his cock into you roughly and your eyes roll to the back of your head, his hands moving to grip your hips to guide your movements and set a faster rhythm.

"You're just all bark aren't you? Just a whiny brat that acts up when she's not stuffed full of cum"you clench down on his cock and he chuckles, grabbing your neck and pulling you up against his chest.

"Is that what you want pretty? Want Mr nakamotos cum in your pathetic cunt?" You whimper and he thrusts his hips faster, a hand dropping down to rub your clit and you cry out again.

"Fuck! You're gonna make me cum" he pulls out immediately and moves away, laying down on the bed and resting his arms behind his head.

"W-why'd you stop?" You whine and pout, he chuckles and beckons you to come closer.

"You're gonna have to work for it. come on, love and ride my cock"you nod and straddle his lap, lining his tip up with your entrance and you whimper as you slide down.

"Move" he demands and you nod, rocking your hips back and forth as he watches you. You couldn't lie , he looked sexy like that.

"Come on, bounce your ass on my cock" you bite your bottom lip and start to bounce on his cock, moans leave your lips and you feel your climax getting closer again.

"I feel-"you're cut off by a slap to the ass.

"Faster, fuck my cock like the horny slut you are"you obey him immediately and the only thing on your mind was his cock.

"You're so-" you're cut off again.

"Attractive? I'm aware, I'm also aware that my baby isn't fucking me hard enough and therefore she must not want to cum"he goes to pull you off his cock but you slap his hands away.

"I can do it" you promised and lean forward, arms caging him in and your ass bouncing faster and harder.

"Fuck- that's a good fucking girl" he spreads your ass cheeks and plants his heels in the bed, thrusting his cock up into you and you cry out once again.

"I'm cumming!" You warned him and pulls you down for a kiss, tongues colliding messily as you both chase that euphoric feeling of ecstacy.

"Cum with me"you hide your face in his neck as you clamp down on his dick and he groans deeply, your body trembling on top of him as your orgasm ran through you and he cums deep into your heat.

"Fuck" he runs a soothing hand down your back , kissing your forehead before carefully rolling you onto the bed beside him.

"I'll go get you some water, we're starting again in 5 minutes" and with that he left the room.

[solar-sunnyside-up]

I totally forgot about this until just now but over the summer I had wandered into a community event on my way home, and went to the public transit tent they had set up to promote the new project in the area and answer questions. I was looking for the Green party tent (all the other political parties where there, where the hell where they??)

But so I hang out at the tent, ask a few questions, show my excitement, etc.. and they have this "spin the wheel for a prize" game. Ranging from stickers to a bus pass. I was wanting a sticker bc the design was super cool and I'm a nerd. I wasn't optimistic enough to expect the bus pass.

>>I spin, I get the bus pass.

And the power I felt getting this prize?? I had already gotten my pass for the month. This was a spare one. The possibilities of who to give it to where endless and would legit alter someone I knew entire month.

>> Do I give it to the next person who asks me for change? Going from hoping tinget enough change to get enough for fare or something to eat and to be suddenly given this pass? The freedom from harassment of the transit police, the ability to get to all the free meal events that are all over the city but all are just awkward enough its an hour walk there. Actually get use the food bank and take more than a backpack or 2 of stuff for the month bc you have to carry it all yourself. To be able to visit a park, a library, To have the world open up without using all your energy getting there? How much would this bus pass alter their entire month? Who am I to now deny someone that freedom?

>>Do I give it as a gift to a coworker? Someone who doesn't go out or do anything other than work and rest at home bc it's too expensive for her to buy a pass bc she lives JUST close enough to work for walking to be a better option. Counting her bus tickets everytime she wants to go to the library, to see a friend/family member, to visit a park that's nearby, hang out downtown. Every outting you have to justify. Suddenly having just 1 month of freedom would help her mental health so much. She would have so much fun for the first time in ages! She could be a person in public, she could have fun without worry or need to justify. She's my friend. Who am I to not give it to her?

>>Do I sell it off to someone to get a grocery top up? To have a second of breathing room between paychecks? If I'm short on a bill this month I'll be kicking myself for not doing the survivalist thing to do.

It was a whole crisis.

In the end while I was having this crisis my roommate took it, so she could look for jobs and do a bunch of interviews without worrying about how to get there.

And it hits me as particularly horrific that so many ppls lives would be so positively altered by this single bus pass from a silly contest at a community event. How lucky was I to have this option? And alteranticely how so many ppls lives would open up and improve by simple access to a public service that they should have free access to not being held hostage by. And that's just the ppl I know who would benefit from monetary access to the system much less the good having physical accessibility added to it.

The for profit transit system is horrifying. This is meant to be a public feature, and yet the accessibility to actually use it is so limited. we deserve so much better.

[buckyalpine]

Hellooo, it's my first time asking for something, I don't even know the rules of this so you can ignore me whilst I learn the tumblr etiquette 🤭 I want something with a badass reader could be a CEO or a mafia leader or a queen or a sugar mommy but something with a powerful reader for a change, don't get me wrong I love seeing bucky or his characters all high and mighty but we can be all of that too 🙆🏻‍♀️

Could be a CEO sugar mommy reader x struggling college nerdy bucky 🤭 hahaha you know college is expensive and his parents help him but there's Becca too and he's working but only part time. They cross paths when he delivers her food or something hahaha I'm bad at this. Sorry.

Anywaysss, I love your writing and your stories. You're amazing and I'm glad you were one of the first blogs I came across when I open my account. Thank you for sharing your talent with us 🙆🏻‍♀️

18+

College Bucky x CEO Sugar mommy reader

I swear I run this blog lawless, I don’t think I even added rules yet. Baby THIS IS FUCKING DELICIOUSSSSS YES PLEASE, bless your brain. I imagined this with Bucky in his 20′s and reader in her 30′s but go a head and imagine your own age gaps if you’re feeling something else. 

Warnings: FLUFF AND SMUTTT AND FLUFF AND SMUT

Sugar drabbleish

Bucky's barely able to afford college plus rent when he's living paycheck to paycheck, his part time job doesn't pay enough at all. He works at a local diner; he started off as a bus boy but now he occasionally works in the kitchen or delivers food. It tires him out but he has to do it because between him and his sister, his parents can only help so much.

The first time he has to deliver food to your company, its late and his last order before going home. Its your go to place for when your stressed out and feel like indulging. Bucky’s boss tells him to handle the order carefully; he finds it strange because he’d never been careless with food before. Once he gets to the address, it makes sense. He stares up at the tall glass building before pushing the heavy doors to go inside. 

Your secretary sees the take out bag and just waves him the elevator, telling him to go to your office, while she continues to respond to emails. He swallows thickly because he usually just leaves food at a door step and runs off; he feels so out of place in this building. He makes it to the top floor and has to ask for directions to your office; he’s directed to the large wooden doors down the hall. He isn’t sure if he should just walk in or knock first, but he decides to knock just to be safe. He hears a firm come in and he hesitantly pushes the door open.  

“I-um, I have your food?” 

You nodded, still looking at your laptop before looking up at him. Oh. You’d had people deliver food to you before but none of them looked like that. You can’t help but let your eyes wander up and down; he was adorable. Handsome. Definitely younger, but you internally shrugged, you didn’t mind. 

Bucky froze looking at you, he didn’t know who he was expecting but he wasn’t expecting someone like you. You were gorgeous. Attractive. Sure you were older but that just made you sexier. Your hair still neatly in place. You cocked your head while he stayed rooted on the spot, his cheeks tainted pink. He blinked, forcing some blood back to his head before walking over, placing the bag on your desk. 

“Thank you” You smiled, handing him a $100, before digging into your food, moaning at the first bite. 

Fuck, that pretty sound. 

“I-I dont think I have that much change-

“Don’t worry about it” You shrugged, insisting he keep it as a tip, sending him on his way before getting back to your work. He can’t help but look back at you as he leaves, something about you being the CEO, so pretty, powerful, leaves him smitten. 

Obviously he knows he has no chance with you. You’d never go for someone like him anyway; you were older and in a different place in your life. He was struggling with college but he allows himself to dream. 

After the first time, every time Bucky sees an order from your company, he insists on grabbing the order. If he’s the one making the food, he most definitely makes it the best thing you ever tasted. You found yourself ordering from there more, even when you weren’t particularly hungry. You adore his presence when he comes by, a blushing shy mess, always politely knocking before entering and always flustered when you tip him more than what he makes in his paycheck. 

Sometimes he lingers around a little longer, wanting to see if you liked what he made; he doesn’t say anything but when your eyes roll back, moaning at how good the food is, he bites his lip, proud of himself for making you sound like that. 

Eventually you both start talking. 

He’s like a giddy school boy when you ask him how he’s doing; you can’t help but smile at the way he rambles on about school, assignments, his job. You casually ask about what he does outside of all that and the poor baby doesn’t have much else going on. No dates. No girlfriend. No way to release all that stress- ok stop. You mentally scold yourself, but your mind is in the gutter and it isn’t going anywhere else. 

You can’t help but miss him when he leaves. He was sweet. Innocent. He always preened at your praise like a puppy, wanting to be so good for you. You actually enjoyed the conversations you had with him; he was so attentive when you spoke and he made you laugh. You felt less lonely when he was around. You realized you didn’t have time for dates, just like him. It wasn’t something you thought about often but it would have been nice to have someone to spend time with. Someone you could vent to when you were stressed. Someone to fuck you till you were thoughtless. Someone to hold you when everything was overwhelming. 

Just like tonight. 

You were stressed.

Tired.

You’d managed to take care of a few clients and settle some deals but you still had a pile of things to get to. You had 0 appetite yet you found yourself placing an order for waffles and ice cream, your go to comfort food. You impatiently waited for your order, knowing damn well it wasn’t the food you were looking forward to. You ordered often enough that Bucky had pieced together what mood you were in depending on what you got. 

You were happy when you ordered a sandwich. 

Probably a little grumpy when you ordered pasta.

There was a specific time in the month where you ordered a large slice of chocolate cake twice a day. 

You always looked a little pouty and sad when you ordered waffles. 

He was out the door as soon as he saw your number pop up. Bucky scolded himself as he made his way over, his heart shouldn’t be fluttering and he shouldn’t be this excited. He couldn’t hep the little crush he had on you, it was getting worse and harder to ignore. He nearly came in his pants the day he walked in on you leading a meeting, the firm tone of your voice made his cock jump. He watched you in awe, effortlessly closing a deal, taking long strides across the room in your heels. No matter how stressed or tired you were, fuck you were always so nice to him and if you gave him a chance he’d be such a good boy-

No.

You would laugh in his face. 

He had no business thinking of you like that. 

You deserved so much more. 

You smiled hearing the soft knock at the door, instantly feeling a little better when Bucky walked in, his cheeks dusted pink as always, handing you your order. 

“Thank you- You paused realizing you still didn’t know his name even though you’d spoken many times before “I see you so often, I might as well know your name” 

“Bucky- um James but most people call me Bucky” 

“That’s adorable” 

Bucky blushed again, his heart jumping every so often as he glanced at you. It didn’t matter how the day was going, you always looked so gorgeous in your blazers and blouses. You always had the prettiest heels, nails perfectly painted. He loved the sound of your voice, the way it would switch up from soft and sweet with him and firm when you answered the phone. 

He wasn’t sure when you shifted to sit on the desk, in front of him in your office, letting him sit down for a while as well, but he suddenly became aware of the scent of your perfume. The soft curve of your jaw. He found himself inching a little closer each time, his heart fluttering because you didn’t pull away. He got lost in talking to you, hardly noticing the time pass by until his eyes glanced at the clock, cursing under his breath when he realized he’d be late for work. 

“You don’t have to rush back, y’know” You laughed, while Bucky scrambled to grab his things when he noticed the time. Just when you thought he couldn’t be sweeter, you saw how he sat closer and closer to you, his eyes sparkling every time you spoke. Sweet baby boy. 

“I have another shift” He genuinely wanted to stay longer until he remembered his student loans and up coming rent. 

“Just tell them you don’t feel well, here” You slid over a few bills, selfishly wanting him all to yourself, especially tonight. “Call in sick for tonight” 

You knew it was probably wrong, but you couldn’t help it, you didn’t want him to leave just yet. Bucky’s eyes grew wide at the money you handed to him while you continued to poke at your waffle. 

“I-this is more than I make in a month, I can’t-

“You can, honestly, its nothing. Please?” You gave him a sweet pout and he was ready to fold on the spot.  He wasn’t sure how much longer he’d be able to hide his crush for, if he stayed any longer he’d do something stupid. “Unless you don’t want to, its okay”

“No! I want to!” He moved even closer, scared to disappoint you, he’d never want to do that, which is exactly why he let his little secret slip out. 

“I-I think you’re so pretty, I really really like you-” he blurted out, his eyes growing wide when he realized what he said. You couldn’t help but giggle at his confession, leaning a little so your legs brushed against his. You melted at his softness as he bit his lip nervously, still unsure if he should stay. 

“Hmm, why are you nervous baby” You cooed, your thumb tracing over his bottom lip, red and swollen. He nearly whimpered at your words, he wanted to be your baby so bad but could he? “I like your company, that’s why I’m asking you to stay” 

“I-I can’t give you what you deserve” Bucky shrugged, his shoulders slumped a little. He already couldn’t pay for college, there would be no way he’d be able to meet your standards. He’d never be able to take you out on a proper date or treat you like the queen you were. He looked down at his hands, fidgeting with his fingers; you wanted to take care of him so badly. 

“I don’t need you to do that for me” You tilted his chin up to make him look at you again, his breaths shuddered. “I just..need..you” 

Bucky’s eyes grew wide before he hesitantly leaned in, too scared to kiss you even though he wanted to so badly. You smirked, closing the gap between you both, softly pressing your lips against his. He whimpered, parting his lips, suddenly desperate for more. He carefully cupped your face, slowly pushing his tongue in, moaning when he felt your hands on his waist. You let him take control, his lips sucking and nipping on yours, his tongue tasting every bit of you. 

He kissed you until he had to  pull away for oxygen panting and dizzy, no blood in his head anymore, a thick outline of his cock straining against his sweats. Your hands trail down his chest, ghosting over his boner making him whimper. 

“I’ll take care of you baby” You smiled, your fingers tracing the outline of his cock. His breath shudders, his cock throbs as you tease him, part of him is worried he’ll cum in his pants. He wants you to play with his cock, he really does but he just got a taste of your lips and now he wants more.

So much more. 

“Can I taste you?” He whispers, dropping to his knees, desperate to feel your juices on his tongue “Please?”

“Shh I told you I’ll take care of you” 

“P-please?” He shakes his head, his glassy eyes pleading with you. 

How could you say no to such a sweet puppy. 

“You want to baby?” You cup his cheek, your thumb caressing his skin softly. He nods, quickly pulling your skirt up and tossing off your panties. He parts your thighs, throwing them on his shoulders. He dives in immediately, sucking and licking up your arousal, his eyes rolling back at your slick on his tongue. 

“F-fuck you taste good” His lips are glistening with your juices, his moans muffled as he drank as much as he could, savoring every bit of you. You gasped at the feeling of his mouth, his tongue deep in your entrance, greedy for more of your taste. His nose nudges your clit making it throb. 

“S’good Bucky, fuck don’t stop” You moaned out and that’s all he needed to hear. He wasn’t planning on stopping. He started to flick his tongue on your clit, gazing up and you, loving the way you had your head thrown back, so fucking gorgeous spread out on your desk. Your hands carded through his soft locks making him whine, his lips sealing around your clit.  “Oh fuck baby, just like that, doing so good for me baby, s’fucking good, m’so close” 

He loved the way your clit felt on his tongue, suckling at it softly, while he pulled his pants down just enough to free his cock. You notice his moans are getting louder as he sucks on your clit, he’s overwhelmed with pleasure, fisting his cock while eating you like you’re his last meal. 

“Fuck I’m cumming” You cried out, your thighs squeezing around his head while he played with your clit, groaning at the way your arousal poured out of you making a mess all over his face. His breaths are heavy, moaning while he keeps stroking himself. 

“What is it baby?” You smirk when you see how desperate he looks, his shirt pulled up, the pink tip of his cock swollen and wet with precum. 

“M’gonna cum” he whines out, stroking his cock on his knees, his chest heaving, eyes locked with yours. “Can I? Please?” 

“Cum for me baby boy, show me how good boys cum” 

That throws him off the edge as he cries out, ropes of cum splattering onto his abs, and dripping onto his hand. He’s shaky when he stands up, still panting, he’s never cummed that hard before. 

“Come here, let me clean you up” You tug on his hand, grabbing a tissue, wiping his tummy, and the rest of him down. He’s never had anyone be so soft with him and he wants to curl up with you and cuddle so badly. He nuzzles himself against you and you coo at how soft he becomes. His body jolts as he tucks his cock back in, and you can’t help but pull him in, playing with his hair for a while. It starts to get late and you give him a quick kiss on his temple. He reluctantly pulls away, pouting a little. 

“I’ll see you again soon?” You smile softly and he instantly lights up, already excited, nodding instantly. “I told you I’ll take care of you, okay?” 

“Are-are you sure?” He doesn’t meet your eyes, playing with your fingers instead. “You don’t have to-

“Bucky look at me baby. I want to”  You cup his cheek making him look at you. “I’m happy to as long as I get to see you” That makes him blush, unable to wrap his head around the fact that you want to see him and spend time with him. 

“I’ll cover your shift for this month by the way” You give him a peck on his lips before he leaves, more flustered than ever. He nods vigorously, his heart beating out of his chest. 

It’s a convenient arrangement. You take care of his needs while he takes care of yours. He loves spending his time with his face buried between your legs pulling the prettiest sounds out of you. You love the way he pours his heart and soul into pleasuring you, relieving your stress every single time. 

Eventually he starts to come over to  your place instead of coming by your office. At first, your both in the living room, making out like horny teenagers and you’ve waited long enough, you need more from him. His eyes grow wide when you pull him off the couch and drag him to your room.

Bucky is NOT inexperienced but something about being with you makes him feel like its his first time. He’s naked and spread out on the bed for you, his senses heightening to 100 seeing you naked for the first time. His cock is leaking against his tummy, throbbing as he hesitantly parts your legs, nudging against your entrance. 

“Shh, just relax for me baby boy” You peck his lips softly, feeling his muscles tense under your touch. He moans to himself, rubbing the head of his cock through your folds, circling around your clit before pressing it against your entrance. 

“You ready Jamie?” He nods, inching himself inside you closer, moaning as he feels your cunt suck his cock in. 

“Oh-fuck-”  His face is inches away from yours, cock already throbbing, the sounds leaving your mouth are not helping at all. 

“Oh my god!” Your eyes roll back at the feeling of his thick length stretching you, gasping as he buries himself inside you. Your pussy clenches around him, your thighs squeezing around his waist, you’ve never felt so full “Yes, fuck yes” 

“You’re-you’re so tight” He stutters as he starts to move, he can feel every inch of your silky walls hugging him. His body weight falls onto you, his cock feels so good he’s scared he’s going to cum in two strokes. 

“You’re so big Jamie” You love the burn and pain with each thrust grazing his back as he starts to move faster. “Fuck your cock is so thick baby” The more you talk, the harder it is for him to control himself, he whimpering, snapping his hips into you, his balls hitting your ass. “Just like that baby boy, fuck me with your fat cock” 

“Mommy” He whines out, not even registering what he just called you. All he knows is that he’s your baby boy, you take care of him, he’d do anything to make you feel good. You cry out for him as he hits your gspot. His hands come to move your hair away from your forehead, kissing your softly. “Is my cock too big mommy?”

“It’s perfect Jamie, hurts so good baby” You pull him in and kiss him deeply making his cock throb. He buries his face in your neck, his hands gripping your waist tightly because he doesn’t want to cum yet but it’s getting harder for him not to cum. “God I needed this so bad baby, stretch mommy’s pussy baby” 

“I-I can’t hold it, it feels good” He pants, his pace starting to grow sloppy. He pulls away slightly, doing his best to focus on hitting your gspot, his body covered in a thin sheen of sweat. “Rub your clit mommy” 

Your hand snakes down to play with your clit, the neediness of your sweet baby has you coming undone within seconds. 

“F-fuck” The sounds you made already made him unable to focus but the sight of you touching yourself under him makes him lose control. “Oh fuck, play with it mommy, rub your clit hard for me” 

You moan loudly, your pussy fluttering and sucking him in deeper and his body falls on you again.

“Mommy m’gonna cum” He groans, already dripping and making a mess in you with his precum. “Can I cum in you?” He wants to be greedy and give his perfect mommy his cum.

“Cum in me baby boy, be a good boy and cum in mommy” You coo, and he nearly sobs, cum shooting out of his cock, thick white streams filling your sopping cunt. 

“Fuck m’your good boy” He cries out, he has no idea how he got so lucky getting to pump his thick load into you but he’s not going to waste a drop. He stays deep in your pussy until he’s emptied his balls. “Cumming so hard for you mommy” 

He whines and whimpers, his hips rutting in you for as long as possible. He doesn’t even realize he falls asleep just like that, his face buried in your boobs, clinging onto you like a child. Your hands come down to caress his skin, letting him sleep for a while. You know he needs his release as badly as you do. 

You spoil him. You spoil him because he deserves it. You spoil him because he’s so special to you. He’s too scared to tell you when he really does need something. He knows the rules, he has to tell you if there's something he needs, you told him that very clearly. 

*****

You huff when you get his voice mail again, all of your text messages unanswered. When he comes by to your place, he knows hes in trouble because your frowning; mommy only frowns when he’s done something wrong. 

“Baby, how come you didn’t answer your phone”

He’s too scared to tell you he couldn't pay his bill on time and he didn’t want to trouble you. Now he’s even more upset with himself because you were trying to call him and he didn’t even know. 

“I-I couldn't pay my bill” He mumbles, looking down, not meeting your eyes. You soften a little, cupping his face, making him look at you. 

“You should have just told me Bucky, I would have taken care of it. Just let me cover your phone bill bubba” 

“No!- I can pay for it, it’s too much-” You already do so much for him, he doesn’t want to be greedy. 

“I want to be able to call you when I want. It’s not a big deal. I want to take care of you, okay?” You pull him up to your room, giving him a soft kiss before looking at him sternly. 

“Now...” You grasp his cheeks making his lips pout “I should punish you baby” His heart jumps at the thought, his cock already hard. “I was worried about you bubba, not answering your phone all day” You take him apart over and over again, your tongue toying and licking his cock up and down leaving him a whining and whimpering mess. 

Your arrangement with him continues. He hardly has to work because you’ve covered that for him. You’ve gotten him a better phone, a better laptop, you’ve paid for his semesters in school. Bucky loves all that you do for him but he wishes he could tell you he likes you for more than how you take care of him. 

He makes his way over to your place, excited as always, ignoring his feelings.  He’s happy to make you come apart and destress you but he’s ready to be there for everything else too. It makes his stomach churn because he knows you probably don’t feel the same way.

When he knocks on your door, he’s greeted by one of your house keepers which surprises him because you normally answer. He’s told your still working upstairs; he makes his way up to your room. 

You looked tired. Your blazer was thrown on the side of your desk, a few buttons opened at the top, your glasses tossed aside. You have bags under your eyes, papers scattered around. 

“Hi baby” You smiled as Bucky walked into your office room, his heart sinking seeing you so overworked. 

“Are you okay” He frowns as he nears you, coming by your desk, tucking some hair away from your face. You lean into his touch, all your energy drained. He cocks his head as you close your laptop, his hand still gently grazing against your scalp. 

“I’m just tired tonight Bucky” You close your eyes while sitting in your chair and he doesn’t like it. You always look after him and he wants to do the same. 

“Can-can I take care of you?” He whispered, his heart beating out of his chest. He was so used to you telling him what he had to do but you looked so tired and he wanted to do something for you instead. He knew what you needed. You nodded, squealing when he effortlessly lifted you into his arms, carrying you over to your bedroom. 

He set you down onto your bed, carefully taking all your clothes before stripping all of his off. Before you could say anything, he pulled the covers back, crawling into bed and pulling you to lay with him. Bucky held you to his chest, gently stroking your spine with firm fingers, his other hand carding through your hair. He massaged your scalp, smiling when he felt your muscles relax, melting into his touch. 

You can’t help but feel your eyes sting a little. No one had ever been so soft and gentle with you. Bucky always made sure he took care of your body, your soul. Your heart craved him more, his sweetness, his kindness, his affection. You then reminded yourself that he still probably wanted to experience things and being tied down to you was not part of his plans.

You just had to enjoy the time you had with him for what it was. 

“Are you feeling okay?” He hugs you tighter, his lips brushing against your forehead.  

“M’sorry bubba, so tired” You mumbled against his skin, sighing contently when he continued to massage your body, hesitantly pressing a kiss onto your forehead. He cuddled and massaged your body, loving the way you felt in his arms. His beautiful pretty mommy cuddled up with him. 

He realizes he wants this all the time, the feeling of your soft skin with his, the sweetness of your vice. Your wrapped up with him under the blankets and you can feel his heart beating out of his chest as he stutters. 

“I-I like you” You look at him while he bites his lip nervously; fuck what if you kicked him out. 

“I like you too Bucky” you smiled, kissing the dimple on his chin. He relaxes slightly but it’s not good enough. He wanted more. More with you. To have you. Just for him. 

“I want to be yours...always” He whispers the last part, peeking at you through his lashes, worried he might have just ruined everything. 

Of course he hasn’t.

You can’t help the way your heart flutters, melting against him letting your arms wrap around his body. You adored him with your entire being the same way he adored you. 

“You already are baby” You smile against his skin, kissing his chest. “You’re always going to me mine” 

Tags:

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[skepticalarrie]

This ask has me seething with rage lol. It’s not about being British, it’s about class and if you are not British working class then you won’t get it.

Firstly, you’re not comparing how British Harry and Louis are by talking about their likes and dislikes, I was raised on a council estate in Cheshire very close to where Harry was raised and let me tell you, he was very very comfortable before the band. I am not saying he was rich because there’s a massive difference between £60k a year and multimillions but he would not have had to think about money growing up, he lived in a very safe area, he was incredibly comfortable and that comes with a certain amount of financial conservatism regardless of how socially liberal you are, as well as general ingrained “snobbishness” which is not me insulting him, it’s just the culture.

Chavy would’ve been an insult to Harry’s family. Louis on the other hand was raised working class, again I’m not saying he was on the brink of homelessness, but definitely living paycheck to paycheck rather than with a buffer to fall back on if anything went wrong. The area itself was less affluent, less safe, more multicultural (Cheshire is white, especially 15+ years ago). His background and priorities and comforts from his youth are different to Harry’s, he has the working class camaraderie, he likes the pub (I could write an essay on Harry’s local vs Louis local but only British people could understand it lol) and football and fastfood and whatever else you deem trashy or chavy because he did grow up as what Harry’s peers would call a “chav” and he’s allowed to reclaim that. It is nice when you’ve been called a chav too to see someone like you not immediately distance themselves from the working class when they make it big and I suppose you either feel that or you don’t.

Also, imagine being from that background and then overnight you’re a millionaire. You can lose your identity. Again I could write more about why it was essential for Louis and Zayn to have each other so as not to totally lose themselves because you can’t take a working class northern teenager to Hollywood and expect them not to be psychologically affected, so I think it’s impressive that Louis has been able to combine those identities and carry his past with him whilst also obviously enjoying the finer things too.

That was an essay and I only got like half of my thoughts across sorry Allie, but basically what I want to say is stop policing how Louis identifies with the social class he grew up in. It’s not an act, he’s not deceiving anyone, he has expensive taste too and he’s not hiding that, he’s just proud of where he came from and it’s insulting when people can’t accept that he’s a multifaceted person.

Thank you so much, anon! I appreciate this message so much. When I used the argument that “Louis is just very british” and reclaiming his roots, I thought about developing the thought but I don’t think I’m in a place to do that since I’m not british in the first place. And you just did that in a beautiful way. I don’t think people fully realise how americanized their images were back then and how much the industry still keeps forcing artists on that. So when we see someone is so openly proud of something that is not american at all, that comes across as weird and forced. It’s a shame.

In reference to this and this

[furrylibrarian]

Hey, um. Fellow trans folks. I have a small question. When I finally dig up the courage to start HRT, how much should I expect to have to spend on new clothes? Because it seems like clothes are a lot more expensive than I thought they were, and I’m living paycheck to paycheck, and eventually my body won’t be the right shape for at least some of the clothes I wear regularly, so…

[flowersandbigteeth]

do you have adulting adult advice for us newly adulting adults

Ummm hmmm I'm not a great role model but there are some good things to keep in mind, generally, but they are probably not particularly profound, but more pragmatic informed by some of my less than enjoyable experiences. Life comes at you fast 😭

TW: mention of domestic abuse

- opinions are cheap and people hand them out liberally. They have no idea what it's like to live as you day to day, so take them with a grain of salt, including mine!

- Don't let people rush you. Be thoughtful about your decisions. In romance, purchases, everything

- Keep a folder or binder with all of your important documents, you never know when you will have to leave a place abruptly and you want to be able to grab the important stuff quickly.

- Keep a "go bag" if you can with some useful stuff, toothpaste, travel bottles of shampoo and hair styling stuff, a brush, deodorant, some cash, tampons or pads if you use them, an outfit, etc either in your car or someplace easy to grab if you need to escape an abusive person, fire, etc.

- take a night to develop a plan in case you need to leave a job or shelter in the future. I know this sounds a little paranoid, but seriously shit happens! At least have a general idea of what you would do and who you can trust. Check what local shelters, camp grounds, motels might be available to you and their requirements and or prices.

- Jot down in a notebook all of your relationships, who you can rely on, and their phone numbers or addresses in case you need help. It's also useful to jot down the shelters or camp grounds you researched. Put it in your go bag for if you lose your phone or someone steals or breaks it. Memorize at least one phone number of someone you can rely on if you can.

- Try to brush your teeth regularly and limit super acidic drinks, dental work is very expensive even with insurance 😭

- Keep your eyes on your own plate, people and their lives are complex. You have no idea what's going on behind closed doors so don't compare your life to other people's it's a waste of your limited energy

- If you can, make a friend or two at your job that you can use as a reference who is NOT your boss, in case you need to leave the job abruptly or get fired. You can also use references from hobbies or volunteer work.

- If you can, put even as little as $10 in a savings account every paycheck, it will add up, even $100 in savings is something for an emergency (a tire, a motel room, some food, a bus ticket, etc.) If you can put a little bit of money aside it can be the difference between losing your job for an absence because you had a flat tire and not, if that makes sense. If you have more sporadic income, just put some money away wherever you can, no matter how small. I put any money I get as a gift from family into savings because it wasn't money I was even expecting to have, so I don't miss it.

- if you have a car, watch some YouTube videos on basic care. Learn how to add fluids and when to change them, and how to change them if you feel comfortable with that. Keep a full sized spare tire not the donut most cars come with if you can. Get some jumper cables and you can buy a battery charger that will jump your car without another car that you can plug in to recharge.

-if you have family that asks you what you want for Christmas ask for pragmatic stuff not treats 😅 a battery charger, a battery block charger for your phone, a warm jacket, etc.

- Sometimes you have to leave jobs abruptly for a myriad of reasons and you have to buy a new uniform (nonslip shoes or whatever) so it's good to have $50 put away for that.

- I lived in my car for awhile when I was younger, (which is why I have so much car advice, lol) so in regards to that, try to find the cheapest gym membership you can with a locker room so you can take a shower. Bonus points if it has a locker where you can store stuff. You can also find public showers at the beach if you live near one that is safe (usually during the day and during the season where the beaches are busy with families). I had a friend who lived in a campground which had a shower he could use.

- Storage units have gotten expensive, but if you can afford one, they can be useful to have if you find yourself without shelter to store your electronics and easy to steal stuff. PO boxes are around 5-10$ a month in the US to receive mail if you need that.

- If you are without shelter, be VERY careful with who you share that information with. Predators look for vulnerable people and they are really good liars.

- If you have resources to and can, get a different doctor if yours isn't taking you seriously. I went to a doc before I was diagnosed with bipolar and PTSD that literally laughed at me when I told him about my hallucinations. Fortunately, I went to a student hospital and he got swapped out with a new one when his semester ended who actually diagnosed me properly, but bad doctors exist. If they are not addressing your concerns, it's ok to "fire" them.

- I don't care what he, she, or they says, if you can, keep your own bank account even if you also have a shared one with them. Keep some money in it in case you need to leave...even if it's only for a night to go to a motel room and cool off or for a bus ticket home. Also, even if the partner is not romantic but a parent. I've had friends thrown out because someone outed them to their parents with nothing. If you can't get a bank account for whatever reason, stash cash somewhere safe and don't tell anyone.

- If you break up with someone or get kicked out change all your passwords immediately. Even if you think they don't know them, you might be logged in on other devices.

I think those were the most useful things I learned when I was younger 🤔 sorry if it's too pragmatic but the most important thing to know as a young person is that it's easier than you think to become unhoused or jobless. I grew up in the era where when you were 18 you were on your own, so I kind of internalized that you need to plan for the worst because no one is coming to save you and if they do it's a nice surprise not guaranteed 😅

There's no shame in it, either. I've been laid off because corporate decided to just close the store a few days before Christmas with 0 notice. You don't have to obsess about this stuff, just take a night and try to develop a plan to give yourself some peace of mind in the case something bad happens.

[drabbles-of-writing]

Have you made any new aus you want to talk about?

I'm never immune to actor aus for some reason I cannot explain for the life of me. But this is where I am, and I am in a death grip. The Owl House but it's live action acting and the actors have the weirdest connections to other people. Because this is MY silly little au and I make the rules here

Luz has mostly done theater and a small handful of musicals, but she has two film roles where she was a background/minor character. Bit of a jump to go from that to main character, but, hey, the original budget is pretty cheap. Most of the funding went into the magic. She's just happy to be here. May or may not have gotten a genuine crush on the girl she was already pre-scrpited to date.

Eda is where the rest of the funding went. Expensive ass actress quite well-known in the industry, has been acting since she was a little younger than Luz, most known for her roles of chaotic characters. She liked this role, but was mostly just here for the paycheck. Luz didn't have to act very hard to look excited with Eda during shooting, she was thrilled. Eda wound up enjoying her role a lot more than expected.

King is Eda's actual adopted kid, though he's roughly about ten, not eight or nine, and Eda found him at about ate 2-3 just. Roaming around some dumpsters. Technically speaking he doesn't legally exist, but that ain't about to stop her. He wasn't supposed to be on set, but while discussing people to voice act the puppet blended with animation that King is on the show, Eda jokingly asked her kid if he was interested, and turns out he was. He gets along well with Luz and the other younger kid actors.

Belos is acted by a guy just named Philip, who is also very well-known, and is the kind of actor all of your parents/grandparents seem to know, but you've barely heard of, or don't think twice about. He's usually been cast as one of those snooty, uptight academic characters, going from The Handsome Teacher(tm) to The Grouchy Guy(tm) from his earlier years to his current ones. He's used to dealing with teenage actors, but he likes to pretend he isn't. The kind of guy who can almost never get through the first take of pretty much any scene with Hunter without breaking character like "I can't--I'm sorry, we can do that again--are you okay? Are you sure--"

Hunter himself is the adopted older brother of Luz, and has been acting for far less time, since about 13. He's gotten a few school theater plays beforehand, plus a minor one in a short film, but that was about it until then. He skyrocketed VERY quickly because of his ability to act emotional scenes alarmingly well. All of his breakdowns on the show were difficult to get through because there was almost always a moment where someone on set was genuinely concerned something went wrong in the middle of the scene. This is partly why Philip breaks character more often than normal

[wyntereyez]

I think this is the last scream into the void before I have a post about myself. Part Five is about my siblings. Well, mostly my sister, the golden child.

I actually don't have much to say about my siblings. I love them, I sometimes want to kill them, and for the most part, we get along.

Even my half siblings, who I actually don't refer to as my half siblings but have only been doing so for the sake of making it easier to differentiate them here without using names. It wasn't always like that. I was jealous of them for getting the attention I wasn't, and I mostly ignored them, but sometime was cruel (not horribly cruel, but I wasn't nice.) Thankfully, I got over that before they were old enough to notice, and we get along really well.

I also have surprisingly few problems with my brother. You'd think my Dad's only son would get more privileges than anyone else, and sometimes it felt like it, but those privileges weren't favoritism. For example, I had my own room, and my brother and sister shared one. Eventually, my sister was moved into my room, which I hated. But I get it. Hell, I even know that it's a CPS offense to have a boy and girl sharing a room after a certain age. I wasn't happy, but I got it. And when my brother started getting the front seat of the Chevy S-10 and I was stuck in the back...well, he's 6'. He literally could not fit. Again, I get it, and the problem was eventually solved with new vehicles, but it still sucked. About the only problem I've truly had with my brother was when we had an apartment together and he had trouble taking turns doing dishes. I blame this on my Dad; my brother wasn't used to actually doing dishes because I was always doing them.

And then there's my sister.

She was four when my parents divorced. Because she'd had so little time with our mother, she seemed to adapt the easiest. Also, she was a Daddy's Girl, so she was fine because she had her favorite parent.

Unfortunately, because my Dad wanted to minimize her trauma, she was spoiled. She got the most presents, she got to do the most school activities, she didn't have to do chores until much, much later... When we had our Evil Step Monster, I think she handled it better because she didn't grow up being constantly yelled at, and wasn't afraid to be stubborn.

She never got grounded for standing up to That Woman.

And unfortunately, she still expects people to just do things for her, while not being so good about reciprocating. Things include:

One Christmas, she nagged and nagged and nagged at me to buy her a certain expensive present that she needed now, rather than wait until my next paycheck. She assured me she'd get me a present in return. She didn't.

She wouldn't let me in the bedroom when I was visiting from college. I had no bedroom in the house since they'd basically moved me out entirely when I went to stay on campus. Which meant that I was basically limited to the living room, kitchen, and bathroom during my home visits. I had no place to hide from That Woman.

When my sister got married, she called me to ask if I had money for 'the dress.' I had no clue WTF she was talking about, and when I asked, she said, "Well, you're gonna be a bridesmaid, you know." No, actually, I didn't. Because you didn't ask me.

Like my Dad, she expected me to drop everything and come watch her house and dogs whenever she and her husband went somewhere. She made it sound like she was the one doing me a favor by letting me watch Netflix. A couple of times, I was working somewhere an hour and a half drive's away. She still expected me to watch the dogs with zero compensation despite the long drive.

She completely ignores my issues. I mentioned once that was looking for a new job because I'd had an anxiety attack working retail. She immediately tried to get me to apply for a job that required me to sit at a desk and talk to people all day, a job that would cause major anxiety issues. When I told her no, she got annoyed because she was 'just trying to help.'

She's very protective of our Dad. From things she says, she seems to have this impression that I'm the spoiled one that got everything I ever wanted and whenever I asked for help, I was using him. Yeah, that's not how I remember it.

Her help is very conditional. Remember the fiasco with my brother's wedding? Where I didn't have a lot of cash, and she assured me she'd help, and even picked out a flight that fit her schedule for pick-up and drop-off. It was at an airport an hour away, rather than the much closer one I'd originally planned to fly into, and she was the only one who'd be able to get me. I doublechecked with her before buying the ticket. And then she started changing things on me, telling me she couldn't drive me to the wedding we were both going to, telling me she might not be able to drop me off at the airport, telling me that actually, no, I couldn't stay with her after all and I needed to find a hotel in three days or she definitely wouldn't pick me up and drop me off. This is why I canceled. Even my Dad was pissed at her for this.

She's also very controlling. Last year, I had been considering going to California for fun. My sister immediately said I should come visit instead. It would be cheaper! You know, spend my money to go back to the place I escaped from, where I didn't have fun. And I'd have to stay at a hotel. Preferably one with a pool, so she could bring her boys to swim! So this 'cheaper' vacation would have been me in a hotel in an area with very little to do, waiting for her to visit on her own time, probably renting a car because that would be the ONLY way to get anywhere. And even then, there's nothing in that area I haven't seen a million times, so leaving the hotel wouldn't even be worth it.

Ahem, anyway... Being far away from family is very good for me.

[random-xpressions]

My greatest career decision came last year when I plunged into an unprecedented risk taking which was actually received by a fatal blow in its initial phase. But like it is said, every master was once an amateur and looking back at that decision now, I couldn't be more convinced that if someone truly makes a goal to escape the matrix then there will be a hundred avenues opening up for you. This entire bubble of capitalism in which you're bound by the shackles of 9-5, living from paycheck to paycheck, with no other concern but to get your head above water and have the bills paid off in time - if that mentality is not changed, one will remain stuck there till you step into grave and even then you'll die penniless. I'm not even an advocate of promoting millionaire mindsets, you'll find that ideology promoted much, as if a luxurious lifestyle is the supreme goal or the fallacy in which people equate success to material wellbeing. No, that's never the case. When I say about escaping the matrix or living off grid, then it is first and foremost a state of mind in which you meticulously plan your way out of the rat race and the shit shows. The word "work" will no longer be seen as something totally distinct from your soul essence but rather it will all come into one perfect flow. God's grace, I don't work any longer out of compulsion or for the fear of my expenses not being met. While just speaking with someone in my corporate circle today I said: "deals are closed when the spirits are high!" One can't expect to be part of a cause even if it be commercial when you're not driven by high spirits. It is only when two parties fully and consciously see the worth of a venture that they will embark upon it. That's the only way of human engagement in absolute win/win for all involved - minds in unison, hands joined in cosmic flow, that's how human labour bears fruit. Heed to your heart's calling, it knows the way...

Random Xpressions

[spacesapphi]

"Moving Forwards and Spiraling Downwards Ch2"

No way, chapter 2! Apologies that this isn't the most exciting chapter, it's here to help set up some character dynamics for the most part. Chapter 3 on will have some more exciting premises :)

AO3 link here! :

Tumblr version under the cut!!

It was hard enough to not hate your job under normal circumstances. It was even harder in Shane’s case. Clocking in as the custodian in the cushy office building he worked in, doing all the gross work no one wanted to do, only for no thanks or acknowledgement drained him. Not to mention the pay, oh how he hated the pay. It was criminally low already for how expensive living in Zuzu City was, and he was using nearly half of his paycheck on babysitting for Jas. There was a daycare program for workers in the building, but it was reserved for the people whose jobs were “more important” than his, as his supervisor put it. It wasn’t fun, or desirable by any means, but he trudged through for Jas’ sake. He had prioritized her wellbeing over all else, and if doing a thankless job meant his goddaughter had what she needed, so be it. 

The sound of dress shoes clomping through the lobby he had just so thoroughly mopped echoed out. He could recognize exactly who it was just based on the sound alone; his supervisor. This was just going to be soooo much fun.

“Yoder, I want you in my office. Now.” His voice was gruff and unfeeling, sending a cool shiver down Shane’s spine. He closed his eyes tight, taking a deep breath, preparing his ‘customer service voice’ before he turned to face him. 

“Of course, I’ll be right there, Ben,”

“Excuse me?”

“I’ll be right there, sir,” Shane restated, putting an annoyed emphasis on the last word. Ben was obnoxious about people calling him by his name, and Shane especially got in trouble with him over it.

“Now wasn’t that easy?” Ben’s voice dripped with sarcasm, an almost spiteful grin on his face, “Leave your supplies, follow me.”

The office was cold and bleak. It reeked of sanitizer, and was just so blindingly bland. Everything Ben owned was in that depressing, stereotypical office color palette, not an item out of place. He kept it looking like it was straight out of a magazine, like he was expecting praise for keeping his pens ever so neatly arranged in his drawer or something. Shane sat down in the chair across from him, feeling a sense of unease. It never meant anything good if Ben called you into his office, and based on his tone of voice, he was in trouble.

“Do you know why I called you in here today?”

“Not really, no.” Shane mumbled. He folded his hands together, nervously fidgeting his fingers. Ben gave an exasperated sigh, throwing down a small packet on Shane’s side of the desk. He couldn’t exactly read the finer print from here, but one word stuck out to him. 

“Terminated?” he felt his stomach tie into a knot. His supervisor looked completely unphased, as if he didn’t care in the slightest about how Shane was reacting.

“Yes, that is what it says, isn’t it?” his tone was almost mocking, “Effective immediately, I might add. I want you returning your uniform and leaving within the hour.”

“For what?!” Shane started sounding frantic, clutching the papers in his hands, “I-I need this job, why are you-”

“Eight missed shifts this month alone, Yoder. Eight.” Ben grumbled, “That’s twice a week, and you expect us to be okay with that?”

Shane sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose tight. Of course it was that. Jas’ babysitter had been getting increasingly unreliable, calling him at the last minute many times to let him know she wasn’t coming. He had no choice but to just stay home, not that he didn’t mind the day off. He knew this was going to cause trouble at some point though, and had hoped that he would simply get a warning. But fired? He didn’t expect this in the slightest. 

“Look,” Ben rolled his eyes, motioning a hand in the air, “I know you’ve been having a hard time with your daughter… niece… whatever she is. But this is unacceptable. Eight shifts, I can’t let it slide!”

“Please, just give me one more chance…”

“I’ve given you more chances than you deserve.” the supervisor sneered, nose scrunching up in contempt, “Maybe this will be a sign to start making smarter choices, hmm? You kids these days, making stupid decisions, getting yourself into these situations you can’t handle, then making it my problem.”

“You know what, Ben?” Shane rose from his chair, holding back the urge to lunge over the table at the sniveling man and knock him out. He ripped off his nametag, throwing it down to the table with a loud crack, “Go fuck yourself.”

Ben’s offended screeches echoed down the hall as Shane stormed out of the office, making his way to his locker in the ‘employees only’ room. He practically ripped the uniform off, imagining all the things he wished he could say to his now ex-boss. He had to hold his tongue though. It was already looking like he wouldn’t exactly be getting a glowing review for his resume, and he didn’t want to ruin his chances further. 

And oh, did he have words for Jas’ babysitter. Fran had started out well enough in the beginning. Jas certainly seemed happy and well taken care of when he got home in the evenings. But as of late, she’d been getting sloppier. Showing up late, not showing up at all, it had been getting more and more frequent and he was growing very frustrated. He was already imagining the earful he was going to give her when he got back home. Getting dressed back into a simple sweatshirt and jeans, he grabbed his things and stormed out of the building for the last time.

Stepping into the cramped little apartment he and Jas called home, he could feel his stress level jump to 11. The place was a mess, an absolute horrendous mess. Fran lounged on the couch texting while Jas sat on the floor, watching some bright and noisy cartoon on the dingy little tv he had on the wall. The toddler turned to look at him, squealing and making grabby motions in his direction. Being the softie he was, Shane couldn’t stay mad after seeing that. His grumpy expression softened into a smile as he scooped her up into his arms, listening to her squeal excitedly.

“Dada!” she squeaked, repeating the phrase over and over as she reached up towards his face. Shane’s smile fell just a bit. He still wasn’t quite sure how he felt about that term. 

 Jas had been quickly learning new words, short ones that were easy enough for a one year old. Shane was proud of her, there was no doubt, but being called dad? He wasn’t sure about it. He was raising her, sure, but it just didn’t feel right. Would it ever? He shook the thought from his mind, greeting her back, “How’s the day been, chickadee?” Jas babbled in return, waving her arms in the air with such gusto, as if she was telling him a grand story about her adventures today.

“Oh really! Then what happened?” Shane replied jokingly, stifling back a laugh as she babbled back, as if they were having a real conversation. Her little squeals were full of such an infectious joy that Shane almost forgot what he was upset about. 

“Hey, you got another package today,.” Fran mumbled, not even looking up from her phone.

Right. That.

“Fran, we need to talk.” His voice was stern and laced with a quiet anger. Fran raised a brow, still not looking up from her phone.

 “I can’t even start to tell you how mad I am at you right now,” Shane grumbled, “You calling out and coming over late? Guess what? It got me fired!”

The young woman finally looked up from her screen, a mildly surprised look on her face, “Oh shit, man, I’m sorry…”

“You’re sorry? Oh good, that means it’s all better now! I’ll let my boss know you’re sorry and he’ll give me my job right back!” he scoffed, sarcasm dripping from his voice, “Get out of my house.”

“Can you pay me for the day first?” Fran held out her hand, not even looking him in the eye. She seemingly couldn’t care less about the costs of her actions. 

Shane rolled his eyes, pulling a small wad of cash from his pocket and placing it in her hand. Fran raised a brow, “I don’t think this enough.”

“You’re lucky I’m giving you anything after this… GO…” Shane grumbled pointed to the door, watching as Fran angrily rose from the couch, giving him a scowl. 

“Fuck you, dude.” she growled, turning to the door and slamming it behind her with all her strength. The noise made Jas jump, her lip quivering just a bit. Shane immediately turned back to look at her with a sorry expression. 

“Sorry, Jassy…” he apologized, “Let’s go get some lunch, okay?”

That seemed to get the girl excited, her eyes lighting up at the mention of it. Shane couldn’t deny he was just as excited, just now realizing he hadn’t eaten yet today. He threw in a quick microwave meal for himself, getting Jas a small plate of something much healthier, little pieces of veggies, fruit and a teeny sandwich. Even if he wasn’t eating the best, he wanted to make sure she was. She needed to, and he knew Amelia would’ve risen from the dead just to kill him if he let Jas eat the way he did. She always complained when he and Jason would have stuff like this in college, lecturing the two of them about preservatives and health risks. The two never paid it much mind, but she never forgot to pull out the lecture each and every time, just in case they would have a change of heart.

 Maybe she was right about how bad they were, though. The microwave meal was mush in his mouth, the texture absolutely disgusting. Joja brand foods were the most cost effective for sure, but sweet Yoba were they junk. Why did he keep buying them? He forced himself to finish the meal, ruminating over today's events in his mind.

Finding a new job and care for Jas was going to prove to be a problem. It wasn’t easy the first time around, and it sure as hell wasn’t going to be any easier now. The money he had initially set aside to pay for equipment, tryouts and the like to get on an official gridball team was slowly depleting, and he knew it wouldn’t last too much longer. Maybe a month was all it had left at this point. It pained him with every dollar he took from that fund. He knew the dream of being a Tunneler was dead, but every cent gone from it was just another nail in the coffin, another painful reminder that his greatest passion in life was unobtainable. The stars were finally just within his reach, his fingertips inches away from their touch, but now they couldn’t be further away. With that goal gone, he didn’t know what to do with his life anymore. Gridball was everything, aiming to be a Tunneler was everything. He was good at it too, better than good. He was a damn letterman, for Yoba’s sake! But one injury, one hit to the knee and it was gone. 

Maybe he could fall back on his major, though film arts was more of a hobby than anything. He, Jay, and Amelia had made tons of short films together in college, and he was a pretty good cameraman if he did say so himself. But where was he going to find a job like that in Zuzu city of all places? The film industry was hell to break into, and even worse to work in. It could never work, especially with Jas to care for. A sinking feeling that he may be resigned to a life of retail and service jobs made him grimace. He’d done plenty of them through college to know he’d rather die than work in that environment again.

Though… The thought of working on a ranch was enticing. Ever since he was little, Aunt Marnie talked at length about how the ranch had been in their family for generations, and he was next in line to take it over if he so wished. He had always loved the animals they raised, especially the chickens. There was just something about them that was so calming to him. Maybe Jas would love them too. The valley was also such a wonderful place to raise a kid, plenty of fresh air and kind people. The city had its perks, sure, but he recognized its glaring problems. He could always go home, ask Marnie if he could start working with her to prepare for his turn to run it. She was getting older, and he knew she needed to step down from running it someday in the future. And now that he wasn’t pursuing gridball, it seemed like a solid career choice. 

He twisted around the fork that sat in his hand, biting at the side of his cheek as he thought about it. Looking at Jas, he could just imagine life for her there. It could be so good for her, much better than this cramped little one room apartment. Honestly, anything would be, but especially this. Making a decision, he put down his dish and pulled his phone from his pocket. The dialtone dragged on for a moment, ending as a cheery voice answered. 

“Schatz? Is that you?”

“Hey, aendi…” Shane smiled softly, “I’m not interrupting anything, right?”

Marnie scoffed lightly, “Oh don’t worry about that, you know I’ll always make time for you… What’s going on? You’re usually working this hour.”

Shane grimaced, “Well… I had a question, but to answer yours… I-I got fired.”

“Fired?! Fired for what?”

“I kept having to miss days, Jas’ babysitter kept flakin’ on me.” he turned his gaze back to the toddler, who was now finished with what was on her plate and playing with her utensils. He lifted her from out of her highchair, pacing around the apartment as he talked, “I’ll figure it out, don’t worry about it.”

“Oh I’m so sorry…” Marnie’s voice sounded empathetic, “How is Jas though, I haven’t seen her in so long!”

“Well, she’s started talking!”

Shane winced as Marnie let out a loud, excited noise that made his phone’s speaker cut out for a moment, “Really?! Oh that’s amazing! What does she know so far?”

“Basic stuff, mostly: Yes, no, bye, and… she’s been saying ‘dada’ a lot” Shane’s voice got a bit more solemn at the end. Marnie noticed immediately, “You don’t sound excited about that, dear.”

“I know I should, it’s a milestone. But it just doesn’t feel right, y’know?” Shane sighed, looking at the toddler in his arms, “Did I ever do anything like that when I was a kid? Like… did I call you mom?”

“No, not really.” Marnie mused, reminiscing, “You were old enough to know I was your aunt when I took you in, you never really tried to call me that.”

“Would you have let me?”

Marnie was quiet for a moment, pursing her lips as she mulled over her answer, “I think.. That’s where our situations diverge. You’re not related to your friends, that’s a key difference… Do you not want her to call you that?”

“No…. yes?” Shane groaned in a frustrated tone, “I don’t know. It just feels wrong right now. Jason is her dad, not me. He should be the one hearing her first words and being called ‘dad’. It feels like I’m stealing that from him.”

“You didn’t steal anything from anyone, but… I get it. I do.” Marnie tsked, “Give it some time, love. Think about it.”

He didn’t want to think about it, though. Everytime he thought he was fine, that he was healing, something like this happened that dragged him right back down again. It had only been 4 months now, and he knew that wasn’t nearly enough time to grieve and get himself back together, but he just wanted to be sure about something. He hated how much he was relying on his aunt, how much he was calling her to ask what to do, how to feel. She didn’t mind it one bit, but he felt he was being a burden. She was busy, she had her own life and things to attend to. He wished he could be as strong as she was when she was his age. 

“Thanks…” he mumbled, “I don’t want to keep you though, you have work, don’t you?”

There was a moment of silence on the phone, before he heard a long sigh, “No, actually… We’re closed on Mondays now. Tuesdays too.”

Shane furrowed his brow in concern. That wasn’t right, not at all. He remembered how incredibly busy the ranch was when he was little. Aunt Marnie would be directing farm hands to do all sorts of tasks, people came in droves to get fresh products from such a quaint little shop. City people often saw shops like these as novelties, like roadside attractions. Anytime someone passed through they were bound to stop in, get something so they could brag about going to a small traditional business. What had happened?

“That corporation… it got the permits to build in the valley. Jojacorp, whatever they call it. It’s cheaper to go there, and I just can’t compete with the pricing, you know?” Marnie groaned, holding her head in her hands, “It’s going to get worse if they build one in town. It’s already bad, I had to let the farm hands go. It’s just me now.”

“Holy shit…” Shane breathed out, leaning back on the couch as he tried to process it, “Aendi, I’m so sorry.”

“I’ll make it work! Our family always does,” Marnie chirped, always finding the silver lining in things, “It’s hard now, but who knows, maybe something good comes out of this.”’

Marnie made a little noise, scoffing at herself, “Look at me rambling! I’m so sorry schatz,  you said you had a question, right?”

Shane felt himself tense up. How was he supposed to ask to come home now? He knew Marnie wouldn’t say no. She’d insist on him moving back and working with her, even after all the struggles she had opened up about. There was no way either of them could sustain themselves like that. He felt so incredibly crushed, another opportunity to get into a better situation squashed by something out of his control. Hopefully Marnie was right and something good would come out of this, because right now he felt as hopeless as ever.

He gave a weak laugh, trying his hardest not to cry, “I just, uh… I just wanted to know how things were back home...”

Marnie made an amused sound, smiling softly, “It’s been good, all things considered…. Oh, you won’t believe what happened in the coops today!”

He listened to his aunt ramble on about all the antics the animals had been getting up to at home, then all the gossip and goings-on about town. It was always amusing what people found to be scandalous and newsworthy back in town. So little happened that something as silly as someone tripping and falling in townsquare could hold the gossip steady for days. It beat the depressing headlines that came from the city any day, though. Shane would much rather prefer the corniness of Pelican Towns ‘dilemmas’ to hearing about the third tragedy happening just this week. 

The talk continued for some time, Marnie having so many stories to share. Many of them were silly, inconsequential tales, but it was just what Shane needed in the moment. Marnie did too, honestly. It broke her heart that he lived so far away, that she couldn’t be there to help him whenever he needed it. And his pride was too strong to come back home, she knew it well. It was commendable to want to try and do this on his own, but she did wish he was more receptive to getting help. He’d been like that since he was a child, with everything he did. He was such a stubborn and independent little thing, and to a fault. She just hoped it wouldn’t get in the way of doing what was best for him and Jas now. 

“I think I need to go now, schatz, but I’m glad you called.. Please, if you need anything, let me know. We’re all rooting for you back home,” Marnie encouraged. 

“I appreciate it, I really do…” Shane muttered back, looking down to the now sleeping toddler in his arms. His heart still hurt, unbearably so, but knowing he wasn’t alone for a minute of it was comforting. That much he couldn’t deny.

 Even if the call didn’t go the way he expected, or wanted, he found himself with just the smallest bit of confidence. This was going to take time to process, and a lot of work, but he could do it. Just like Marnie said, their family always made things work out in the end, and eventually he would. He just had to look for the silver lining in the storm, even if it took forever.

[flatbstanley]

From Taylor's prayer journal:

Lord, Lord, please help me. I feel like no matter what I do, something awful is going to happen.

Next month is the Sims for Life March in San Myshuno. Justin hasn't talked to me about it directly, but it's obvious from his podcast that he expects the whole family to go, and I know he'll be incredibly upset if I say no.

Of course I'm pro-life, and I've been to the march plenty of times before. But with the hospital picketing, this year is different. I can't forget how horrible it was to be in the hospital when I had my pacemaker surgery, and how terrified I was. Harassing people who are as scared as I was seems really cruel, even though it's supposed to be for a good cause.

Then there's the call I had with Schmapple the other day. Their marketing director had seen Justin's videos about the march, and she told me that Schmapple "supports access to reproductive healthcare." If I post about the march, I'll lose my contract with them. And she said that even if I don't post about it, being seen on Justin's content would turn off most big companies from working with me.

Oh, Lord, I know that I'm not supposed to care about the money. But with housing prices here in San Sequoia, Justin's salary just barely covers the mortgage and the utilities. There's so many other things his paycheck won't stretch to cover —groceries, diapers, new clothes, the kids' tuition at St. Petronella's. I need my sponsorship money to pay for those things.

And then there's my children's future. Once I've paid our expenses and set some money aside for the emergency fund, everything else goes into an account for them. Someday they'll want to go to college, or buy a house, or start a business. And I don't want them to have to stress about making the money work, like I have for so much of my life.

Lord, Lord, please forgive me. I remember my first days with FACTS in college, when I was learning to worry less about the present and to lay all my cares on you. And I know how important it is to stand up for the rights of the unborn. But I have five living, breathing children in my arms. And if their mother isn't willing to make sure they have what they need in life, who will?

(A/N: I know folks are longing for Taylor to dump her god-awful husband, but right now she’s still in a space where she thinks she can handle him. But pushing back against him and against the toxic rhetoric she’s been fed is still a big step for her…even if her reasons are a bit mercenary.)

[awaitingfall]

07.26.24

134.4

My scale really tried to trick me this morning 😭 it read 130.9 the first time so confidently and I was like…yeah that’s absoLUTELY not possible. But part of me was hoping it was true lol so stepped on it a couple more times and every other time after that read 134.4. Which is still great, I was really worried I gained after eating all that soup, but again, it was all super healthy ingredients.

- - -

Already started on laundry for the day…right after witnessing a goose murder 😥 i stg the ppl that live at this apartment complex need help. How are you so impatient to wait 30 seconds for a flock of geese to move out of the road that you decide to just run them over instead of, oh idk, maybe just going in literally the other direction that wasn’t blocked by geese that would’ve lead you to the same place you were going to anyways? Sad. I want to move away from here so badly.

Our buyer’s agent sent us some houses to check out yesterday, but even the cheapest one is still out of our price range…and forget about just finding a different apartment to move to because even that’s becoming outrageously expensive. Saw a “1 bedroom” (really just a studio with a large closet you can fit a small bed in) going for $3200/mo. The perk was you get 1 parking space in the underground heated garage…like that’s the LAST think people care about right now. A heated garage. People are so out of touch, it’s really sad. It’s looking more and more like our only option is to both leave our jobs and move up north more or out west if we want to stay in the state, and I don’t want to do either. I’d like to be around our families for support, especially after my dad’s recent health scare. I’d feel terrible having to move so far away and not be able to be there to help just because people are becoming more and more greedy and the working class can’t afford to even live in a tiny 4-wall unit anymore.

Just waiting to see what my raise will be like at work now. My bf just got another $3 raise at the beginning of this month, I’m not expecting anything more than a few cents, though, unfortunately. My boss was saying how payroll is the company’s highest expense but he’s now planning on hiring his wife for office work and a new person for production staff. So I can’t see my paycheck getting any more livable any time soon. That’s the only thing that sucks about working for a small company.

I guess at the end of the day I just have to be grateful that we do currently have a place to live and both have jobs. We could be in a much worse situation. It’s just sad seeing the way things are going and makes me lose hope in having a stable future. I feel like having my own family isn’t even an option anymore cuz of money.

- - -

This post took a depressing turn, but anyways, I hope everyone has a great day today! 🥲

[confessions-official]

I feel like I haven’t accomplished anything in life. Whenever I see people my age or younger and they have like, crochet accounts on Instagram with thousands of followers or they’ve published books or they run small businesses or have learned multiple languages and stuff, I get this feeling like “oh my god I’ve failed in life, I will never be able to do any of this and I will not make a lasting impact at all in the world.” Because so far the only thing I’ve done that can be considered an achievement is confused doctors. I don’t know if that’s really something to brag about, but I haven’t done anything else that’s noteworthy in my life. All the memes about feeling bad because someone your age or younger is more successful than you/can perform basic tasks are literally just my inner monologue.

Like I am trying to learn new hobbies but everything just becomes hell for me because my hands refuse to work properly. I can’t do shit except read books and sometimes play Animal Crossing. So I’ve borrowed almost a thousand ebooks from my library and I have over 250 hours on Animal Crossing New Horizons because those are the only things I can do without crying from frustration.

I do really try to learn things by myself but I don’t have very much time, energy or money, and everything is about twenty times as difficult for me as it is for other people, but nobody seems to really understand that. I’m operating on a lower level, physically and mentally, than everybody else. Reaching other people’s baseline physical/mental energy is an unrealistic goal for me, but I still feel the expectation of “you have to be SUCCESSFUL otherwise you have DONE NOTHING” and it’s like. I’m fifteen years old and I also have to deal with a bunch of personal stuff such as “my parents kind of hate each other” and “oh my god I don’t have dental insurance but I need work done on my teeth very soon otherwise the dental work will be too expensive for us to afford.”

I think it’s okay for me to put writing a book or starting a business or whatever to the side for now and focus on more important things, like do I actually need to go to that doctor’s appointment, or should I bring up this health thing with my parents when we can’t afford to do anything about it, or what jobs can I get considering all my health issues since I need dental work done but we’re living paycheck to paycheck and can’t afford to get better dental insurance. You know. Normal things for a high schooler to worry about. Average teenage problems.

 

[starszinhis3y3s]

Hello there! My family needs to leave Gaza out of necessity . I suffer from nightmares that are so closely resemble reality no longer Differentiate between reality and a dream.Thank you taking your efforts and time in reading my plea. There are no words to describe the horrors unfolding in this place.never expected to find myself in this situation. Because of this horrible situation I have decided to come before you guys for a financial support so that I can evacuate my family from this hell that we are into.The funds will be strictly used for the evacuation . I will personally bear any additional expenses incurred.Your support will make a significant difference in alleviating the suffering of my family ,We urgently need any kind of support before it is to late. As time ticking away translates to lives lost in Gaza I'm here and ready to answer any questions or concerns you may have.Kindly reach out and connect with me

im so sorry y'all're going through this. you have my entire heart, and im helping as much as im able (donating a % of every paycheck, raising awareness through graffiti & my job, prayers & offerings to the ancestors etc).

that being said, i really dont have a following. im sharing this in hopes someone who has a larger following sees

i genuinely, genuinely hope this horror ends for y'all.

**and, from now on, dont bother translating for me. *i* will do that work, its the least i can do 😔