#losing cognitive function due to trauma

[furiousgoldfish]

This is something I experienced as a child, that I don't fully understand yet, but it contributed greatly to me feeling like my parents are right and I must be stupid. I want to know if this happened to everyone else.

So there would be times when I would be under immense pressure from the abusers, and they would try to force me to understand a concept, but mostly by shaming me and yelling at me for not getting it and repeating some kind of, very general and non-explanatory claim that apparently should have been enough for me to get it. But I could not, in my brain, make a connection, I'm not sure if it was because at the moment I was terrified, pressured, ashamed and threatened, or if I was too young to figure it out. Sometimes my mind would go completely blank and I would not be able to take in new information at all, even though I desperately wanted to understand.

However, years later, I would remember that same thing, but now I had more context about it, more knowledge that surrounds it, more ideas on how things work, and even without thinking about it more, I would suddenly understand what they were talking about. I don't know if it's the additional knowledge of the world that would help me put it together, or if it was brain development, or something else.

I had a similar problem at school, where sometimes things would be explained generally, and I just didn't understand it, I couldn't see the process of how the thing worked, and it was being said like it was something easy to understand, that I should have figured out instantly, and other kids seemed to get it. It left me permanently confused and worried that I must be somehow stupider than anyone else.

But, again years later, when I ran away from the abusers, I looked at the same concept and it made perfect sense instantly, and I didn't know how I couldn't make sense of it earlier.

Nobody had ever bothered to sit down and explain anything to me, even in school I was expected to have basic knowledge and build up on it. But growing up abused meant the most simple concepts were not explained; instead parents would say whatever suited them most was the truth, or tell me to stop being annoying with my questions, and I was left in the dark over the inner function of, pretty much anything. Sometimes, even when I did learn something at school and came home with the new knowledge, they would decide that it was trivial, wrong, unnecessary, and simply false. Which also made learning harder because I had to question everything, at all times.

Not being able to understand what others could instantly made me believe that I was in fact, stupid, and it made it more difficult to believe my own senses, my own conclusions, it made it difficult for me to know that my own thoughts, opinions and conclusions had any value at all. I often ignored my own instincts and senses and took for granted what others told me, which later often proved to be false, and just manipulative misinformation.

After escaping abuse, my mind cleared up and I don't know if I can attribute it to my brain finishing its development, but things are now extremely easy to understand, and any concept I struggled with before, comes naturally to me. I think at least a part of it had to be about me being in fight-or-flight mode and whatever brainpower I had fully focused on staying alive. I could not figure out some concept that made no sense to me in such a state. I also think it's possible that I just lacked so much general knowledge, I lacked references to put those ideas into context, I could not connect the knowledge to anything I've seen or experienced before, because I had no experienced that many things, but other kids have, so they could make the connection.

I'm also suspecting that maybe, general and vague descriptions of things were something I rejected because I needed to understand something in depth in order to feel like I am familiar with it, if I only had the wide general idea, I still counted it as 'not knowing', until I had some intimate experiences with inner workings of it. And with more life lived, I had more experiences, and became familiar in a way that made me confident about understanding it.

Did anyone else have a similar experience, and do you maybe understand why it happens this way?

[afusionoffandoms]

The symbol most associated with fibromyalgia is the butterfly, as well as the purple ribbon, since a butterfly despite being almost weightless can cause pain if it landed on a person with fibromyalgia.

Fibromyalgia (fibro) is a chronic and highly stigmatised condition that presents as pain throughout the body - often inconsistent both in strength and location as well as resistant to pain medication - along with a slew of other symptoms - mainly intense fatigue and cognitive dysfunction, in addition to headaches, abdominal pains and cramps, depression, insomnia and general hypersensitivity both to touch as well as the other senses.

These pains can be a draining inconvenience, or so crippling it robs the person of the ability to walk or function.

Due to lack of research, it's believed that anywhere between 2-6% of the population suffers from it.

Many people suffering from fibro will say they often wake up more tired and in more pain than they were in when they went to bed. Experts often describe it as the brain losing its ability filter out pains the human body constantly experiences throughout the day.

One thing known for certain is that it's triggered by stress. It can be something as simple as a bad divorce, or a surgery, or a bout of illness, to trauma (either microtrauma over time or one definitive event). Fibro patients will say it's as if their brain finally had enough and started striking. Unfortunately there's no going back once that happens, as there is no cure, and fibro is likely to progress and worsen over time.

It's an illness that can't be proven through samples or x-rays, but rather it's diagnosed when no other cause can be found, and all other treatments have proven unhelpful.

We have records dating all the way to ancient Greece about people whose symptoms today are assumed by experts to be caused by fibro, though it wasn't until the 1900s that the illness got its own name and field of study. That's about all it's gotten, however.

Unfortunately most people with the diagnosis are AFAB, which means the illness is subject to sexism and is often ignored in the medical field, resulting in little research and funding, little knowledge, and a lot of challenges for people suffering from it. Recent numbers suggest that the gender disproportion is far smaller than presumed, however, likely due to other factors such as social stigma keeping men from seeking help.

Interestingly there looks to be a large overlap between fibro symptoms and long covid, which has in recent years caught the interest of researchers, so it's likely that the world will understand the illness more in the future, which will hopefully help people with fibro sometime down the line.

If nothing else, it might finally be recognised as the life changing illness it is, for currently there are still doctors who claim it's not real, and refuse to diagnose and treat it, instead claiming people with fibro are just lazy and overly sensitive.

It's because of these things that global awareness days are so important.

Increasing awareness about this barely understood and largely unknown disease, makes life easier for those who suffer from fibromyalgia both directly through general knowledge and understanding from people around them, to a larger scale where funding and research is vital to perhaps one day find a medication or cure. Or at least find an indisputable way to diagnose it.

Please consider sharing this in order to help with just that. 💜 May your day be as painless as possible.

[threewaysdivided]

The Shaper of Minds and its possible consequences for a certain character

I have finally joined the rest of the internet in losing my mind over a D&D Podcast - in my case, the wonderful Dan Jones & Dragons.  With Episode 26 due to stream on Dan’s Twitch this week, I really want to talk about some of the stuff that came up across the just-finished Gala sessions because the fallout from that has the potential to be incredibly fraught.

THE SHAPER OF MINDS

The relic the Flower Crowns were going after this mission – The Shaper of Minds – is a potentially fascinating narrative device that might as well have been lab-engineered to be my exact brand of personal nightmare fuel.   It’s a small, ornate brass key that can alter any part of the target’s mental faculties/thoughts/memories at will should the wielder touch it to any part of their victim’s skin.

Now, on one hand, there are a heap of interesting (and even benevolent) applications for a tool like that.  It could instantly grant access to skills, languages and knowledge that would otherwise take a person years of study to learn.  It could be used to sort through and resolve memories that had been faded by time, muddied by trauma or forcibly supressed by magical/medical means.  But on the other…

As described and used in campaign so far, the primary function of the Mindshaper is to alter memories (and the attendant personality) with the target having no awareness that their mind has been changed.  It’s basically gaslighting on steroids, except that where a gaslighting victim still retains their original recollection – and has to be manipulated by their abuser into doubting their own perceptions and instead accepting the alternate telling of events (a cognitive dissonance that can eventually lead the person to recognise the manipulation) – the Shaper of Minds entirely replaces the original recollection of events with the version the wielder wants their victim to perceive.  There is no internal conflict between accounts, no inconsistencies that could alert the victim that someone has broken into their head and rewritten their perceived reality.  The person they reshape you to be is the person you believe you always were.  And all it takes is a single touch.

That is a brand of existential horror that had me on edge all throughout Session 24 (basically from the moment it was implied the key was in play).   Reality may be objective, but each individual person’s internal reality is governed by their perception – their memories – of the events in their life, no matter how incomplete, biased or otherwise skewed that personal perspective may have been.  You have value just by being you because you are not replaceable, but the thing that makes you unique is, in large part, the sum total of those inimitably specific personal memories.  No-one else will perceive the world in exactly the same way you do, and even a few minor changes to just a few of those perceptions can flow on to massive differences in ideals, values, priorities and future choices.  In that regard, the use of the Mindshaper Key isn’t so much an alteration as an obliteration of the victim’s former self and replacement with someone new; even if that new stranger is largely indistinguishable from the original.  And, again, all it takes is a single touch.

[Sidenote:  This made Mister Wick an especially effective antagonist to wield the key, since his Galas functionally trap even targets who are aware of the threat within the rules of high-society behavioural expectations.  Otherwise-innocuous actions like a handshake or private conversation suddenly become incredibly dangerous, while being nigh-impossible for the Flower Crowns to extract themselves from without committing an atrocious faux pas and potentially tipping Wick off.  Perfectly designed stage for a psychological horror-thriller encounter.]

Which of course, brings us to a certain character who fell victim to the key in Episode 24…  [put under the cut for spoiler reasons]

MORENTHAL

This poor Drow, he can never catch a break…

Morenthal may not have been the most mechanically dangerous party member to fall victim to Mister Wick’s manipulations although, given that the key was revealed to let its wielder read existing memories during the alteration, and that all of the Flower Crowns were fully briefed on the locations and nature of the Eversteel artefacts, him getting a hand on any of them could have been very bad plot-wise but from a character point of view I think he’s the one who the key’s effects had the potential to be most personally devastating for.

The way things ended up playing out across Session 25 was precisely the nightmare scenario Gamb was fretting about out of game: Mister Wick forcibly implanted Morenthal’s mind with false memories of being his lifelong trusted confidant and supporter, then – before the Flower Crowns could reverse the key’s effect – Morenthal discovered that Mister Wick had been killed in combat with Coil and Preston, leading to the Party having to physically restrain him so they could use the key to undo the damage, thus confronting Morenthal with the realisation that not only was everything he thought he knew about Jonathan a lie, but in actuality Jonathan had committed possibly the most invasive violation he’d ever been subjected to in order to forcibly make Morenthal into one of his loyal tools.  That level of emotional and mental whiplash would be rough on any character, but for Morenthal it’s particularly brutal because…

Based on what’s been revealed in-game so far, the core of his character is that Morenthal is an abused child.  This most-clearly came up in his conversation with Gelnek in Session 14; he was a child who grew up with nothing, raised by the Bloodletter Mercenaries as a tool instead of a person, and taught to see faces only as targets – with him also mentioning to Hobson in that their “combat training” involved being relentlessly beaten down until he learned to fight back.  During his Session 21 visit with the Nightmother, he openly admits that “nowhere feels safe”.  From that it’s pretty clear to read that Morenthal has never felt unconditionally loved, safe or respected around other mortals.

(This also helps contextualise why he’s so devoted to the Nightmother.  From what little we have seen of his visits to her, Iris is a fond “adult” figure, who does not threaten, does not judge, asks nothing of him aside from his company, and cares equally for all the souls that pass through her domain.  For a child “growing up with nothing” but violence, that would have been everything.)

But then, enter Jonathan fucking Wick.  And now, just for a short while, Morenthal has all these “memories” of Jonathan being there to confide in, encourage him and support his escape from the Bloodletters.  Suddenly he believes someone was there for him and, while the memories might be fake, the feelings of unconditional safety they would have brought were very real.  Little wonder that he started acting like a Trilby-level naive goober around Mister Wick to the point of accidentally snitching on the rest of the group.  Only, then it turns out to be a lie and those memories are gone.

For me, I think one of the worst things Morenthal might end up dealing with in the aftermath of having his memory fixed isn’t the specific feeling of personal betrayal or the potential shame at having been caught: it’s the realisation that he was always alone.   That there was no mortal on the outside who cared or came for him when he needed them – just him and the distant fondness of a Divine.  That would be awful beyond words, and yet the Flower Crowns were forced to inadvertently inflict it upon him in order to restore his mind.  No wonder he wouldn’t look any of them in the eye before the session closed.

Worse still, the nature of the key makes it incredibly hard not only to trust others, but to trust your own mind.  The players and audience above-table know that Morenthal is back to experiencing and remembering reality as it happened, but the question could very well linger for him, bringing with it a hefty dose of paranoia.  Sure, Morenthal correctly remembers that Coil is a straightforward, loyal person who wouldn’t be tempted to tamper with his mind beyond undoing Jonathan’s manipulations… but he “remembered” that about Mister Wick too, and wouldn’t that be a beneficial thing for the Party to have him think?   To Morenthal, people were already Not Safe™, but now the one person he ever believed might be had actually violated him worse than anyone else in order to force and abuse that trust.  How is he supposed to trust anyone if he can’t trust the authenticity of his own recollections.  (I get the feeling that Morenthal probably isn't going to be capable of relaxing until the Shaper of Minds is confirmed to either be locked back safely in the Vaults of Eversteel or fully removed from the Mortal Plane by Six).

It makes it really tragic that all of this came directly on the back of Episode 23, where Gamb revealed during the above-table break chat that - even if Morenthal didn’t recognise why – he unconsciously trusted Trilby and Gelnek enough to jump off the airship without checking that his rope was secure, because deep-down he knew they would catch him.  To go from that high-point to the whiplash of him first thinking the Flower Crowns had killed the only person he was ever “safe” with, then them inadvertently subjecting him to the most painful realisation he could ever experience and potentially leaving him wondering whether he can even trust his feelings about them is absolutely gutting.

I think the thing that scares me most about how the aftermath could potentially play out is another trait that Gamb and Dan have established for Morenthal: he's a flight-risk.   He shies away from letting people get close and, if he feels unsafe enough, he runs.  It’s already been mentioned/implied that he’s considered fleeing the group at multiple different points across the sessions.  And with him likely not feeling safe even in inside his own mind right now, that risk is probably at an all-time high.  The poor lad is staring down the barrel of a potentially-impending multi-level emotional crisis, where a lifetime of instincts will probably be urging him to run hard and fast because People Are Not Safe™.

And the thing is, that instinct isn’t a good one for him either.  Morenthal might have gotten by on his own “just living to be” up until Filgrove, but that feels a lot more like surviving out of necessity than having an actual life.  It’s pretty obvious that he pushes people away as a defence mechanism:  if you don’t care about anyone then you can’t be hurt by them or have those people used against you.  But if you don’t let yourself care and feel things, you’re not really living.  The truly tragic part of his running being a potential foreseeable outcome is that the Flower Crowns are good for Morenthal.  (I doubt Morenthal realises it and can’t speak to Gamb’s above-table thought process but it’s interesting that one potential interpretation of Morenthal’s cynical, faux-apathetic, “stinky” behaviour is that of a former abused child quietly testing the boundaries of whether he’s allowed to exist in a way that’s inconvenient for others, to which the answer from the Party has largely been yes provided he isn’t actively encouraging Trilby to get himself killed, or killing people without explaining himself).  He survived alone before because that was all he knew, but I get the feeling he wouldn’t do so well if he tried to go it solo again after being with people (he’s already confessed that the idea of Feyli being gone makes him miss her).   That’s not a road to walk on his best day, let alone with his current headspace and tendency towards self-destructive choices. 

It reminds me a lot of this article:

“Still, it’s easier for us to keep blaming ourselves because it’s preferable to facing the unthinkable: the fact that our parents don’t love us. …  Most people would rather do anything than accept this as the truth. Not only is it painful; it’s humiliating.”

So yeah, suffice to say I am incredibly concerned about how Morenthal’s arc is going to play out over the next session(s).  Here’s hoping that Gelnek and/or Coil have enough emotional savvy to keep an eye out, and enough patience to stick to him even if he lashes out in attempt to drive them off.  Even if it all works out okay, I get the feeling that this one’s going to be ugly.

Can’t wait to see how everyone chooses to play it ❤️‍🩹

[puppys-tiny-space]

What is ageregression?

In this post I will be explaining what ageregression is, why it helps, who recommends it and in which ways it migth occur as a symptom. TW for talk of trauma, abuse, neglect and kink.

1. What is ageregression?

Ageregression is a coping mechanism or symptom usually connected to mental health issues, brain injury or dementia. It simply means that an individual acts like a younger age, usually the person reverts back to this child/childlike mindset, sometimes even on cognitive levels, cussing them to lose control over certain body functions. This can present in multiple ways, for an example in speech difference, using a pacifier, playing with toys, using/needing to use diapers or training pants etc. The amount of time reverted can be any age younger then hier biologcal one but is often 0-13.

2. What causes someone to ageregress?

Ageregression can be cause by a multitude of things, when used as a coping mechanism it is often used by individuals with childhood trauma such as abuse, neglect, sexual abuse etc. Those individuals can use it as a means to relieve their childhood in a happier way or to recreate a time in which they felt safer. Ageregression can also be caused by mental health disorders like (c-)ptsd, bpd, bipolar, anxiety, depression and DID. There are also certain other neurological reasons to experince ageregression like dementia and long term effects of neurological injuries. Disabled people migth also regress to relive an accomidaten childhood.

3. Who recommends agere, how is it used?

A majority of mental health professionals reccomend regression as a means to self regulate, even for those without "typical" childhoods to suggest it. It is a common symptom of a multitude of preexisting mental health struggled and embracing it can often immensely help patients struggling with it naturally. Ageregression is often used as a coping mechanism from patients on their own but in some cases is also used within a therapeutic setting to work with a patients inner child or as a form of hypnotherapy.

4. Is ageregression the same as ageplay?

No it is not! From the outside it migth seem that way and while they do have a few similarites but ageregression is not sexual! Due to it often being a way to cope with trauma individuals may struggle with unwanted intrusive thougths when regressed but those are not a reflection of the persons desires! Ageplay is a kink with power dynamics and power exchange, while soem do use it as a coping mechanism it is not the same as ageregression and should be kept seperate from each other at all times! An ageplay er is not literally reffering back to a child/childlike mindset when engaging in sexual acts, they are simply pretending! Never ever try to be sexual with a regressor, they are most likely in the mindset of an actual kid!

5. How can I help someone who regresses?

If you know someone who regresses or want to try it yourself the best you can do is talk with them! See how they want to be treated and how they want you to treat the topic, they migth appreciate being able to share that part of them with someone but it could also be that they do not wish to and want to keep it private. Some regressors have a person in their life to help care for then when regressed, that person is usually called a caregiver and acts as a sort of parental role when the person is within that headspace, it can be anyone from a friend, romantic partner or even relative. If the person trust you and you would feel like you mfoth benefit from caring for someone you can suggest taking over that role from them! No matter what you do never shame then for it or sexualize them, try to understand them and why they chose to heal this way.

6. My child regresses, what do I do?

First like I mentioned above, do not shame them! Do not get angry and ground yourself before talking to them, your past behaviour migth be reason they regress and it migth not be. Calmly talk to them about it, you can ask them why they regress and if you should have done things differently whne they were younger, do not yell ro tell them to grow up! Simply listen and offer support however that migth look like, it could be simply letting them be!

7. What do all the terms mean?

Agere = Ageregression

Regressor/little = someone who regresses

CG = someone caring for a regressed person

Agedre = agedreaming or half regression

Age range = the ages someone regresses to

Headspace = someone's regression

paci = a pacifier

sibby = another regressor someone has a close, sibling like, relationship to

This post is meant as a tool to explain regression to those outside of the community including friends, parents, romantic partners and anyone you want to educate about it! It is quiet surface level in some parts so if you tell sowmeoem ans they have more questions you feel overwhelmed to answer feel free to dm me.

This post is a bit different to my usual things, I hope you like it!

[thechangeling]

Idk if I'm just protecting too much onto Kit or if he's actually audhd coded-

It also could be the trauma idk

No you're right tbh I get it. And it can be difficult to tell what exactly is a sign of what when there are overlaps.

ADHD and PTSD share the symptoms of hyperarousal, hyperactivity, inattention, irritability, restlessness, impulsivity, recklessness, lack of concentration and memory challenges. However, there are also many differences between PTSD and ADHD.

Individuals with ADHD are reluctant to engage in tasks that require sustained mental effort, whereas, individuals with PTSD tend to avoid reminders of their past traumas. Therefore, people with ADHD may avoid tasks such as chores, whereas, people with PTSD may avoid certain sounds, things, places or people that remind of their painful experiences.

"Individuals with ADHD are easily distracted by extraneous stimuli when doing tasks that require sustained mental effort. However, individuals with PTSD cannot concentrate due to hyperarousal or zoning out, and are easily startled. Individuals with ADHD may seem not to listen when spoken to directly due to their mind being elsewhere, even in the absence of any obvious distraction. However, individuals with PTSD may look like they are not listening due to feeling zoned out or due to re-experiencing parts of their trauma memories.

Individuals with ADHD can have difficulty organizing tasks and can lose things or be forgetful in daily activities due to executive functioning challenges and concentration difficulties. However, individuals with PTSD can experience the same symptoms due to high anxiety levels or feeling as if they are not in their bodies.

Individuals with PTSD can experience negative cognitions such as “something bad is going to happen”. However, individuals with ADHD can experience hyperactivity without any negative belief. Nevertheless, individuals with ADHD tend to form secondary negative thoughts about themselves, such as “I am not smart ” or “I must be lazy” due to their challenging experiences with the school system, following schedules and keeping organized.

Individuals with PTSD experience sleep challenges as secondary symptoms of restlessness and hyperactivity; whereas, individuals with PTSD experience sleep disturbance due to anxiety and trauma related nightmares.

In social situations, Individuals with hyperactive ADHD may fidget, interrupt or intrude on others and they may have difficulty waiting their turn. They may blurt out things that may be perceived as inappropriate. However, individuals with PTSD are more likely to withdraw from social situations, experience restlessness or have emotional outbursts if feeling uncomfortable around others." - Expressions Counciling

"CPTSD and autism have similar symptoms, but the root cause of these behaviors is different. ASD starts during the process of development of the nervous system and begins very early in life. 

By contrast, CPTSD develops in response to a traumatic situation.

Individuals with CPTSD or ASD can both exhibit a reduced interest in social interactions. For those with CPTSD, this stems from social withdrawal, as the affected person feels afraid of others and finds it hard to trust them. 

Those with ASD simply don’t get as much benefit from social interaction as others do, making it less appealing to them.

Both disorders can also cause difficulties in sharing emotions. Those suffering from CPTSD may avoid sharing their emotions because they don’t trust others or feel intense shame and guilt. 

By contrast, those with ASD have a reduced social communication ability and can’t quite figure out how to tell others about their emotions.

If a child develops CPTSD due to trauma early in life, they could also be misdiagnosed with autism. However, a mental health professional should be able to distinguish these two conditions because they are different." - Health Match

"Generally speaking, people with either condition may struggle with interpersonal relationships, such as those with friends, coworkers, or romantic partners. But for autists specifically, that might be due to difficulties with reading social cues, or non-verbal communication.

With ADHDers, these difficulties are more likely rooted in impulsivity or an inability to focus." - Inflow

So yeah...it's complicated. Might be worth a re-read.

[jincheeto]

AU LORE TIME LET'S GO:

This is very long so imma just smack this here :3

So! In order to become a were-lizard, one needs to be bitten by one (usually near the head or jugular). However, the biter has to be under a certain condition for this to occur, in which they have not medicated their condition for an extreme amount of time and/or are in extreme psychological distress. This causes the biter to become rabid, losing control of their mind and seeking out anything they could bite.

This works somewhat like a filtering system, as the rapidly reproducing cells of the condition slowly overwhelm its host, eventually forcing them to transmit it to someone else to avoid bodily shutdown. After biting, they will wake up from their frenzy deeply exhausted and will likely need medical attention, same for their victim. If the biter fails to bite and transmit the condition, the host will stay in this state and live for up to 2 months before dying. Don't worry though! As long as you have access to plenty of walnuts and various herbs (lavender and catnip are often most effective), you can live with this just fine.

This can affect nearly all species, but due to how isolated its carriers are, it's actually quite uncommon. However, here are some examples of some who are were-lizards (based these guys off the first sketches I did for this :3)!!!

Being a were-lizard affects those with it in different ways depending on who you ask, but common traits include muted or cool colored pigmentation, spikes and scale growth, and general increase in size upon shifting. Self awareness and general cognitive function is preserved for everyone, but sensitivity (both physical and emotional) are heightened. Some remain the same size and don't change much at all. Maybe they just change color a bit and grow an extra horn or two.

However, some transformations are much more extreme than others:

It's still a bit unknown as to why this happens, but many theorize it's due to trauma or repressed emotions of the host, and since the condition is stronger under stress, this is presumed to be the case. There are of course outliers to this theory, but it still holds merit.

......

OKEE DOKEE here's some lore! I fricken love biology and stuff so I really enjoyed writing this :D

I've got a vague storyline written out, but I wanna seep into this lil world a bit more before I start making plot points oof

[molsons112000]

So after age thirty, your organ reserves Decrease by one percent per year. I'm 57 So that means my reserves have decreased by 27%.... This means lung capacity and organ's ability to function has decreased by 27%. But it seems like people don't understand this, and they keep on terrorizing me and destroying my structure.......

"Organ reserve

The heart, lungs, and kidneys experience the biggest changes in organ reserve after age 30. On average, 1% of this reserve is lost each year."

So organ reserves mean the ability for an organ to return back to its normal state after episodes of stress... So mine, or twenty seven percent less likely to return to normal, because of all these people doing all this evil to me, and they are destroying me, and they are killing me......

I already went through one breakdown at the age of thirty eight, and it took a long time to get myself back and now they hit me with another one and they constantly hit me with poverty with all kinds of stress, they attack me in many different ways and forms.... They are literally, tearing me apart and destroying me with their piece of f****** s***... And I don't understand why they don't get the s*** beat out of them..... Because that's what they're doing to me!!!!!!

“Organ reserve” refers to the ability of an organ to successfully return to its original physiological state following repeated episodes of stress. Clinical evidence shows that organ reserve correlates with the ability of older adults to cope with an added workload or stress, suggesting a role in the process of aging.Jan 15, 2018

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov › pmc

Organ Reserve, Excess Metabolic Capacity, and Aging - PMC - NCBI

Now athletes have to understand this. So after the age of thirty, if they get a serious injury, it is much harder to recover...... So injury prevention is critical....... And that means stunt people for films and theatrical stunts for shows.....

So as you see here, young people, their organ reserves are 7 to 11 times greater, then an adult... Their ability to recover from trauma....

Organ reserve is the ability of an organ to return to its original physiological state after being stressed or worked harder than usual. It's a clinical concept that suggests that organ reserve may play a role in aging. 

Here are some things to know about organ reserve: 

Organ reserve in young adults

A healthy young adult's organ reserve is estimated to be 7 to 11 times greater than the average demand. 

Organ reserve in older adults

Organ reserve declines with age, and the average person loses about 1% of their reserve each year after age 30. By age 85, organ reserve is estimated to be reduced to 50% of its original capacity. 

Organ reserve in different organs

The biggest changes in organ reserve occur in the heart, lungs, and kidneys. 

Organ reserve and stress

Clinical evidence suggests that organ reserve is related to the ability of older adults to cope with stress or added workload. 

Organ reserve and functional deterioration

Some functional deterioration in the elderly, such as decreases in strength, balance, and cognition, may be due to a decline in organ reserve. 

Organ reserve and molecular level

Organ reserve is not clearly defined at the molecular level. 

PubMed

Organ reserve, excess metabolic capacity, and aging

Jan 15, 2018

It's funny how God said. Now, it's no longer my responsibility to stand up, it is your responsibility...

But the car hitting me on the highway. The black guy beating me up in the street and many other trauma. That's been over the last eight plus years has been incredible evil.... Every day, destroying my ability to live,....

And lawyers need to understand this when people get injured after the age of thirty, the judgments need to be larger because they are less likely to recover from those injuries fully!!!!! When they attacked me the black man hit me with the car and did these other forms of trauma. The damage is more long-lasting, and the criminal and civil charges against them should be more extensive!!!!!!!

So people are doing some serious serious damage to me......

MedlinePlus (.gov)

https://medlineplus.gov › article

Aging changes in organs, tissue and cells

Apr 18, 2023 — After age 30, an average of 1% of this reserve is lost each year. The biggest changes in organ reserve occur in the heart, lungs, and

Here are 7 ways to keep your organ healthy. But again, preventing injury and staying in Shape is one of the main ways to keep yourself health....

Orlando Clinical Research Center

https://ocrc.net › Blog

Seven Ways to Keep Your Organs Healthy

Nov 30, 2018 — Stay hydrated · Eat a balanced diet · Exercise consistently · Be careful with supplements and over-the-counter medications ·

Increasing bone density after age seventy, it is possible....

Yes, it's possible to increase bone density after age 70 through lifestyle changes: 

Exercise

Regular weight-bearing and muscle-strengthening exercises can help increase bone density and reduce the risk of falls and fractures. The NHS recommends that people over 65 get 150 minutes of moderate-intensity exercise per week. 

Diet

Eat a diet rich in calcium, vitamin D, and protein. Some foods that are high in calcium include milk, cheese, green leafy vegetables, soya beans, tofu, nuts, and fish with edible bones. 

Avoid unhealthy habits

Avoid smoking and excessive alcohol use. Heavy drinking can lead to poor calcium absorption and decreased bone density. 

Maintain a healthy weight

Maintaining an appropriate body weight can help with bone health. 

Medications

Your doctor may be able to prescribe medications to help preserve bone density. 

While it's best to build bone density during childhood and early adulthood, people can still take steps at any age to improve their bone health. 

NCBI

Muscle and Bone Mass Loss in the Elderly Population - NCBI

Regular weight-bearing and muscle-strengthening exercises can reduce the risk of falls and fractures [78, 79, 80, and 81]. This type of exercise can increase th...

Exercise. Specifically weight training and walking are beneficial for increasing bone density in middle-aged and older people [77]. Regular weight-bearing and muscle-strengthening exercises can reduce the risk of falls and fractures [78, 79, 80, and 81].

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov › pmc

Muscle and Bone Mass Loss in the Elderly Population - NCBI

How to strengthen internal organs?

Seven Ways to Keep Your Organs Healthy

Stay hydrated. ...

Eat a balanced diet. ...

Exercise consistently. ...

Be careful with supplements and over-the-counter medications. ...

Don't smoke. ...

Keep blood sugar controlled. ...

Get checked.

Nov 30, 2018

https://ocrc.net › Blog

Seven Ways to Keep Your Organs Healthy

There are several ways to strengthen your organs as you age, including: 

Staying active: Being active most days of the week can help improve strength and reduce weakness. You can try: 

Endurance activities: These activities, also known as aerobic exercise, can help improve your heart, lungs, and circulatory system. Examples include walking, jogging, dancing, swimming, and biking. 

Strength training: You can try bodyweight exercises like push-ups, lunges, and leg raises. You can also try seated rows, which work your traps, lower back, and glutes. 

Balance exercises: These can help reduce your risk of falling. 

Eating healthy: You can try to include protein in your diet, such as lean chicken, salmon, Greek yogurt, skim milk, and cooked beans. 

Getting enough sleep: Getting enough sleep is important for healthy aging. 

Limiting alcohol: Limiting your alcohol intake can help you maintain optimal health. 

Quitting smoking: Smoking can impair the amount of oxygen muscles receive, causing them to weaken. 

Managing your health care: Proactively managing your health care can help you maintain optimal health. 

National Institute on Aging

How can strength training build healthier bodies as we age?

Jun 30, 2022 — Make it part of your daily routine. Villareal emphasizes that if online or in-person group classes aren't your thing, everyone can still work exerci...

National Institute on Aging (.gov)

https://www.nia.nih.gov › news › h...

How can strength training build healthier bodies as we age?

Jun 30, 2022 — Other types include using medicine balls or resistance bands, or body weight-bearing exercises such as pushups,

Harvard Health

https://www.health.harvard.edu › ...

How to stay strong and coordinated as you age

Dec 2, 2021 — Participate in aerobic exercise such as brisk walking, jogging, biking, swimming, or aerobic classes at least 30 minutes per day, five

https://www.google.com/search?ie=UTF-8&client=ms-android-comcast-us-rvc3&source=android-browser&q=Ways+to+strengthen+your+organs+after+age+thirty

Here are exercises for each organ in your body.Yes, you can create a workout that targets each organ in your body to help strengthen...

Facebook · Achieve Integrative Health

160+ reactions · 2 years ago

5 Organs, 5 Exercises to help restore function #Lungs #heart ...

Do all these five exercises every single day in the morning and see those organs restore their function.

Here are some exercises that can help strengthen different areas of the body: 

Bird dog

This exercise can strengthen the pelvic floor. To do it, start on your hands and knees, then extend and raise your left leg and right arm while keeping your back straight. 

Situps and crunches

These abdominal exercises can strengthen the core and improve digestion. It's best to do them on an empty stomach, but if that's not possible, you can do them one to two hours after eating. 

Other ways to keep your organs healthy include: Staying hydrated, Eating a balanced diet, Being careful with supplements and medications, Not smoking, and Keeping blood sugar controlled. 

Exercise can also reduce the risk of some cancers, including breast, colon, uterine, bladder, esophageal, kidney, stomach, and lung cancer. 

MedlinePlus (.gov)

Benefits of Exercise - MedlinePlus

Jul 12, 2024 — Reduce your risk of some cancers, including colon, breast, uterine, bladder, esophageal, kidney, stomach, and lung cancer. There are different ways ...

YouTube · Franklin Method: Embodiment & Imagery

25.8K+ views · 7 years ago

Exercise your organs: Liver Dance for a Happy Back!

In this exercise we are going to work with our internal organs because moving and visualizing your internal organs is really good for your health

[koizstar]

Hey friend,

I found myself back in the same hole I’ve lived in for many years. I can’t explain the feeling, though it’s different from before. Overwhelming thoughts of my past rising up unwelcome. I keep thinking about Smoker from Fire Force and his search for an answer as to why the world sucks so much. I started feeling the same way. I sit alone for my pity party and what’s become of me from the built up trauma in my head. Some days I cry, other days I’m numb to it. I get a feeling in my nose and I can feel the tears well up as I think and feel bad for myself. I’m pretty worthless, and the only value I hold for myself is a superficial element that even I can’t fully believe. Another half measure in my life.

I’ve been trying to work up the courage to be more vulnerable so the world can see me once more. I’ve been trying to find my voice again because I’ve developed extreme social anxiety due to my isolation. I get confused in my personality when I’m around others. Do I just want to be liked? Or am I uncomfortable being around happiness. Maybe I don’t feel so deserving of it, or it could be that I am uncomfortable in the normal world. Why?

I’ve been trying to look for therapists for a long time now. Nothing really works out. The expenses are too high and my insurance doesn’t cover much and everything is online now, which isn’t the worst thing but I need a soul’s presence in front of me when i cut myself open. They’d see black sludge, toxic and all. I can never believe the compliments people give me, because I can’t convince myself it’s real.

Some days I’m really fine. I believe it when he tells me it’s okay everything is going to be okay and this moment is fine as it is. I am okay where I’m at, but then I get hit with my reality and thoughts of the future. My life shakes me. My depression never left, it just lays dormant until the next eruption. Everything is so hard for me to process. As time passes by I believe I’ll lose more of my cognitive functions and become so far away from how a person should be in society.

I can’t live this normal life with you. I’m not a great pretender, and I don’t have half of what the people around me do to make things happen. Everything I’ve got is running low, like a dimming flame. I don’t know what it is. Or maybe I can’t figure out where to start.

[homeo-care-clinic]

Alzheimer’s Disease

Alzheimer’s Disease was first introduced in the year 1906. Auguste Deter was the first patient who was diagnosed with this disease. Emil Kraepelin was the first German physician who classified dementia. Alzheimer’s Disease should be treated cautiously and in time because it might become fatal due to aspiration pneumonia If left untreated.

Causes

Hereditary

Hypertension

Head trauma

Lack of sleep

Amyloid and tau deposits in brain cells

Down syndrome

Smoking

Obesity

Stress

Symptoms

Loss of ability to think and understand

Delusions

Disorientation

Mood swings

Hallucinations

Interrupted speech

Paranoia

Agitation

Mental Confusion

Personality changes

Warning Signs Of Alzheimer’s Disease

Memory loss

Judgemental issues

Forgetting areas, location

Repeating words continuously in the middle of a conversation

Losing Track of words in speech

Difficulty in problem-solving

Difficulty in understanding visual images

Inability to complete daily routine tasks

Mood swings

Diagnosis

Cognitive test

Neurological function test

Genetic tests

Blood test

CT scan and MRI

Homeopathic Medicine for Alzheimer’s Disease

Anacardium Orientale is One of the best remedies indicated in patients with Alzheimer’s Disease. Patients often complain of forgetfulness. Weak memory with the inability to perform daily tasks is the keynote feature of this remedy.

Cannabis Indica- Indicated in patients who complain of memory loss, forgetfulness, and inability to recollect past things. Misconceptions about time and space are also noticed.

Aurum Metallicum- Mostly indicated in patients who are suffering from depression. Suicidal thoughts are often found in these patients. Patient fears death.

Kali Phosphoricum- This remedy is often prescribed to patients suffering from Anxiety, depression, and nervousness which is the major cause of Alzheimer’s disease. Exhaustion and brain fatigue is noticed. The slightest task seems difficult to perform.

Nux Moschata- Indicated in people who have difficulty in reading and writing. Loss of memory. Visual images seem large to see. Drowsiness and mental fatigue is well marked.

Homeo Care Clinic

Dr. Vaseem Choudhary along with his team has treated many patients successfully with Alzheimer’s Disease so if you are seeking your cure please visit our center for further assistance.

[spinalrehabchiro]

BRAIN BALANCE IN LAKE GENEVA

MAXIMIZE BRAIN HEALTH IN LAKE GENEVA

People can reduce their risk of cognitive decline by making key lifestyle changes, including participating in regular physical activity, staying socially engaged, and maintaining good heart health.

At Spinal Rehabilitation Center in Lake Geneva, we believe in the 6 pillars of brain health, and will work with you to build a lifestyle plan that helps optimize your brain’s overall health.

1. PHYSICAL EXERCISE

It is known that regular exercise improves blood flow and memory. It stimulates biochemical changes in the brain that promote learning, mood, and thinking. Get active. Keep your wits about you.

2. FOOD & NUTRITION

You are what you eat. As you get older, your brain is exposed to more damaging stress due to lifestyle and environmental influences, resulting in oxidation damage to brain cells. Antioxidants found in food can protect against the damaging effects of oxidation in the brain.

3. MEDICAL HEALTH

Hypertension, diabetes, obesity, depression, head trauma, higher cholesterol levels, and smoking all contribute to dementia. You may limit and reduce these threats. Make a commitment to a brain-healthy lifestyle for your body and mind.

4. SLEEP & RELAXATION

Sleep energizes you, improves your mood and your immune system, and may reduce buildup in the brain of an abnormal protein called beta-amyloid plaque. Practicing meditation and managing stress may help fend off age-related decline in brain health. Stay positive. Be happy.

5. MENTAL FITNESS

Mental exercise is just as important as physical activity in maintaining your brain healthy and fit. Mental workouts may help your brain function better and stimulate new brain cell growth, decreasing your risk of dementia. You have to employ your brain or lose it, just like you do with your muscles.

6. SOCIAL INTERACTION

Leading an active social life can protect you against memory loss. Spending time with others, engaging in stimulating conversation, and staying in touch and connected with family and friends are good for your brain health.

BENEFITS TO IMPROVING BRAIN HEALTH

Improve memory

Boost mental clarity

Ability to solve problems

Quicker decision-making

Reduce your risk of brain-related diseases such as

Alzheimer’s

And much more.

BRAIN HEALTH TREATMENT IN LAKE GENEVA

Good brain health is a state in which every individual can realize their own abilities and optimize their cognitive, emotional, psychological and behavioural functioning to cope with life situations. Numerous interconnected social and biological determinants (incl. genetics) play a role in brain development and brain health from pre-conception through the end of life. These determinants influence the way our brains develop, adapt and respond to stress and adversity, giving way to strategies for both promotion and prevention across the life course.

Brain health conditions emerge throughout the life course and are characterized by disruptions in normal brain growth and/or brain functioning. They may manifest as neurodevelopmental and neurological conditions such as intellectual developmental disorders, autism spectrum disorders, epilepsy, cerebral palsy, dementia, cerebrovascular disease, headache, multiple sclerosis, Parkinson’s disease, neuroinfections, brain tumors, traumatic injury and neurological disorders resulting from malnutrition.

If you’re experiencing any symptoms where you feel your brain health could be a factor, schedule an appointment with our holistic doctors in Lake Geneva.

[cityviewchiropractor]

BRAIN BALANCE IN FORT WORTH

Maximize Brain Health in Fort Worth

People can reduce their risk of cognitive decline by making key lifestyle changes, including participating in regular physical activity, staying socially engaged, and maintaining good heart health.

At Cityview Chiropractic in Fort Worth, we believe in the 6 pillars of brain health, and will work with you to build a lifestyle plan that helps optimize your brain’s overall health.

1. PHYSICAL EXERCISE

It is known that regular exercise improves blood flow and memory. It stimulates biochemical changes in the brain that promote learning, mood, and thinking. Get active. Keep your wits about you.

2. FOOD & NUTRITION

You are what you eat. As you get older, your brain is exposed to more damaging stress due to lifestyle and environmental influences, resulting in oxidation damage to brain cells. Antioxidants found in food can protect against the damaging effects of oxidation in the brain.

3. MEDICAL HEALTH

Hypertension, diabetes, obesity, depression, head trauma, higher cholesterol levels, and smoking all contribute to dementia. You may limit and reduce these threats. Make a commitment to a brain-healthy lifestyle for your body and mind.

4. SLEEP & RELAXATION

Sleep energizes you, improves your mood and your immune system, and may reduce buildup in the brain of an abnormal protein called beta-amyloid plaque. Practicing meditation and managing stress may help fend off age-related decline in brain health. Stay positive. Be happy.

5. MENTAL FITNESS

Mental exercise is just as important as physical activity in maintaining your brain healthy and fit. Mental workouts may help your brain function better and stimulate new brain cell growth, decreasing your risk of dementia. You have to employ your brain or lose it, just like you do with your muscles.

6. SOCIAL INTERACTION

Leading an active social life can protect you against memory loss. Spending time with others, engaging in stimulating conversation, and staying in touch and connected with family and friends are good for your brain health.

Benefits to Improving Brain Health

Improve memory

Boost mental clarity

Ability to solve problems

Quicker decision-making

Reduce your risk of brain-related diseases such as

Alzheimer’s

And much more.

Brain Health Treatment in Fort Worth

Good brain health is a state in which every individual can realize their own abilities and optimize their cognitive, emotional, psychological and behavioural functioning to cope with life situations. Numerous interconnected social and biological determinants (incl. genetics) play a role in brain development and brain health from pre-conception through the end of life. These determinants influence the way our brains develop, adapt and respond to stress and adversity, giving way to strategies for both promotion and prevention across the life course.

Brain health conditions emerge throughout the life course and are characterized by disruptions in normal brain growth and/or brain functioning. They may manifest as neurodevelopmental and neurological conditions such as intellectual developmental disorders, autism spectrum disorders, epilepsy, cerebral palsy, dementia, cerebrovascular disease, headache, multiple sclerosis, Parkinson’s disease, neuroinfections, brain tumors, traumatic injury and neurological disorders resulting from malnutrition.

If you’re experiencing any symptoms where you feel your brain health could be a factor, schedule an appointment with our holistic doctors in Fort Worth.

[flinnstan]

PB’s Unethical Experimentation on FP analyzed

Earth & Water

[2:50]

FP: Are you spying on me?

PB: What? No, of course not. I was observing you for research.

PB: Your a threat flame princess. Your emotions are directly linked to your combustion levels.  But if I can create a scientific model that describes your complete elemental matrix, I can isolate and suppress some of your more volatile traits.

[Lack of regard for FP’s reaction to being called a threat risked starting a forest fire].

FP: So if you do your research, you’ll know how to cut off my emotions so I don’t feel like this?

PB: *Looks down to the side* “Um, yeah. basically.”

FP: Then I’ll help you

PB: You will?

FP: I’ll do whatever it takes. 

[In this scene the person giving consent to have research conducted on her body is a minor to a person who has had 800 years of life experience. The researcher knows fully well that there is not a very good chance any of the tests will result in any sort of crucial information being gathered.]

There’s a 40 percent chance we’ll be able to identify and isolate your chemical components, and yes, understand you in a very scientific way. 

[A Forty percent chance you will be able to learn something from a physically harmful experiment is a very low likelihood of understanding someone. She might as well just administer the Big 5 Personality Test so Phoebe can actually understand herself which is what she really wants to know in the first place.  Then at least at the end of the day you would have a test with results that have a pretty damn accurate description of your personality and understand who she is and how she lives.[1] The Big 5 personality test is more accurate because it does not create boxes for people to be put in, in the first place. It has levels to introversion or extroversion along a continuum. The other categories with continuum’s are Openness, Conscientiousness, Agreeableness, Neuroticism. To understand more about this study I will put a link in the citation. 

[3:30]

PB: Once I press this button you’ll be subjected to a battery of tests. To gauge your reflexes, stamina, and emotional stimuli.

[Due to the significant number of experiments gone wrong tests should be conducted sequentially rather than simultaneously. When you are conducting a test you are attempting to isolate variables. Conducting a battery of tests or multiple tests at once, you risk drastically increasing of interference with the tests. Bubbeline fails to take into consideration that she is priming the emotional stimuli of her client before she has initiated testing. She has done this by restraining her client by her arms and across her waist to tie her down to a flat surface. In order to properly gauge one’s emotions one would try to create a setting as normal as possible free of physical restraints as these may result in the client being uncomfortable, hurt, or traumatized prior to any testing being conducted. If Bubblegum were trying to get an accurate read on Flame Princesses reaction to emotional stimuli she would need her to simulate Flame Princesses natural environment without the noises and presence of large noisy machines which smash down upon her body. Another interference in her research of emotional stimuli would be mechanical arms to slap her. What Bubblegum seems to be trying to do is measure Phoebe’s tolerance for pain and physical reflexes while stimulating cognitive processing. The issue with this is Flame Princess has similar if not identical cognitive processing to humans  and demonstrates similar reactions to humans outside of combusting into flames. For example: in “Burning Low” under extreme emotional stimuli her body goes into emotional shock and shuts down. Emotional shock in humans means lack of blood flow means the cells and organs do not get enough oxygen and nutrients to function properly. Many organs can be damaged as a result. We can see that Flame Princess breathes and requires oxygen as she is able to function after Finn breathes into her mouth. Shock requires immediate treatment and can get worse very rapidly. As many one in five humans people who suffer shock will die from it.[2]   Bubblegum is attempting to measure the rate of combustion of Flame Princess to various levels of pain and trauma. Even after pointing out the ethical implications this study it is unlikely to result in any measured results. The experiment is not only highly unethical in the eyes of American Psychological Association nor contribute towards information being gathered. 

[5:35]

CB: Yeah because why did she lock you up in jail when you were a little baby? That was a weird friend thing. 

[5:50]

FK: Have my baby sent to the wilderness of the outside world to perish.

[7:00]

PB: Flame King!

FK: What do you want princess of the gum world?

PB: I found you lost daughter.

FK: I don’t remember losing anything 

PB: Pfft

FK: Okay you got me. I had her sent to wander in the woods. I was in fear of being usurped, come on. 

PB: That’s your problem, but you can’t just let her wander around the woods. She’s too dangerous. Find some way to contain her power or I will.

[PB fails to show concern for the child’s well being simply that she is a threat to her Candy Kingdom and herself.]

[7:54]

Display of how violent the testing machine is: Smashing down on where FP would be.

Finn: we’ll this is terrible. If FP goes back there, her evil dad will lock her up again

PB: And if she’s imprisoned again I won’t be able to complete my tests and will have wasted my precious time.

[ Lack of regard for the emotional and physical well being of her client]

[10:05]

FK: Once I get out of here im going to ground you for real. No friends, no snacks, no popular music!

FP: You never let me have any of those things. You were a selfish king and a bad parent.

[Flame Princess was not allowed to have friends growing up for the duration of 13-14 years.  PB fails to consider FP’s traumatic upbringing as a child and how this experience may impact the results of the test and her personal wellbeing].

Conclusion: Princess Bubblegum is an immoral and bad psychologist.

Citation: 

1. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yjX_Y86OmB4

2. https://medlineplus.gov/ency/article/000039.htm

[bipolartreatment]

Am I Bipolar? High Highs and Low Lows

If you’ve ever asked yourself, “Am I bipolar?”

It may be due to things you’ve experienced yourself or because of something other people have observed about you.

According to the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH), Bipolar disorder (BPD), or manic depression, is a severe mental health condition characterized by extreme changes in mood, including periods of emotional highs and lows.

An Overview of Bipolar Disorder

The disorder is relatively common, with more than five million people estimated to be living in the U.S. with some form of bipolar disorder.

While scientists and researchers can’t pinpoint one factor that determines whether or not someone will have this disorder, they do believe some factors may play a role, including:

The brain’s structure and how the brain functions: Some studies show that the brains of people with bipolar have differences compared to the brains of people who don’t have it. For example, there may be differences in bipolar neuron function, unipolar neurons, sensory neurons, or other areas of functionality in the brain.

Genetics: There are specific genetic components that could increase someone’s risk of having bipolar disorder, and having a close family member such as a parent or sibling with bipolar may increase someone’s likelihood as well.

Environment: Trauma or significant life changes can trigger bipolar. For example, the loss of someone you care about can induce a depressive or manic episode. Drug abuse is also thought to increase the likelihood of bipolar. Around 60% of people with bipolar disorder are dependent on alcohol or drugs.

Am I Bipolar? The Signs and Symptoms

The general symptoms of Bipolar Disorder include periods of extreme emotion, and during that time, there may be changes in behavior, sleeping, and overall activity.

Some mood episodes may last for several days or weeks, while other times, these episodes can be shorter.

During a manic episode, you might experience:

Feeling elated or even high

Feeling jumpy

Decreased need for sleep

Loss of appetite

Talking very fast

Talking about different things all at once

Racing thoughts

Mood Swings

Risky behaviors

Poor judgment

Feeling especially powerful, talented, or important

During a depressive episode, side effects can include:

Feeling worried, sad, hopeless, or generally down

Restlessness

A sense of slowness

Problems falling asleep

Sleeping too much

Weight gain

Increased appetite

Talking slowly

Forgetfulness

Difficulties making decisions or concentrating

Not able to do simple daily tasks

Lack of interest

Decreased sex drive

Inability to feel pleasure

Feeling worthless

Thoughts of suicide or death

Types of Bipolar Disorder

People with bipolar disorder experience episodes of manic behavior followed by extreme lows. Some cases experience more bouts of depression that last for weeks, while others have manic episodes that last days.

Bipolar I Disorder

For a bipolar 1 diagnosis, a person must have experienced at least one manic episode in a person’s lifetime. It’s mostly followed by manic depressive episodes, which is where the term “manic depression” comes from.

When not fluctuating between episodes, a person with bipolar 1 disorder can function normally. But family and friends can typically distinguish when they experience an episode.

Symptoms of a manic episode:

Unable to maintain a single train of thought

Talking very fast and loud

Seemingly unlimited energy and not needing sleep

Inflated ego and self-image

Impulsive buying and spending

Hyper-sexuality

Substance abuse

A person who experienced a manic episode may enjoy it because they may be more productive and social and energetic. But, the results of a manic episode can often be disastrous.

A deep depression typically follows a manic episode along with professional and personal repercussions. Sometimes a person requires hospitalization because of a manic episode. They may lose touch with reality and need professional assistance to keep from hurting themselves or others.

Bipolar II Disorder

Contrary to popular belief, a person does not have to experience the extremes of a manic episode to have bipolar disorder. A bipolar II diagnosis requires at least one hypomanic episode and major depressive episodes.

Hypomanic episodes have the same symptoms of a manic episode but to a less extreme degree. People with bipolar II experience long episodes of major depression, which can be debilitating.

Symptoms of a major depressive episode:

Feeling sad or hopeless

Irritability (especially in teens)

Either excessive sleeping or insomnia

Extreme weight fluctuation (either weight loss or weight gain)

Restlessness

Loss of energy and fatigue

Trouble concentrating

Feeling worthless or needlessly guilty

Contemplating or thinking about suicide

It’s important to note that bipolar II is not a less severe version of bipolar I, but rather a completely separate diagnosis. People with bipolar I have manic episodes and periods of depression. People with bipolar II have extended periods of major depression and hypomanic episodes.

Cyclothymic Disorder

Cyclothymic disorder is a rare disorder that causes major mood fluctuations similar to bipolar but not as extreme. People with cyclothymic disorder have emotional highs or hypomanic episodes.

They also experience lows, similar to those in bipolar, but not as extreme. Instead of major depressive episodes, they experience periods of depression-like symptoms. Even though it’s less extreme of a disorder, it is still a serious one that has negative effects on a person’s life and wellbeing if gone untreated.

Other Types

Drug and alcohol abuse often leads to symptoms that mirror a bipolar disorder. Some illnesses and medications also affect a person’s personality. Stopping drug use or changing medication can alleviate those side effects.

Triggers

With this type of mood disorder, there are specific triggers that you feel could worsen the symptoms for you.

Triggers can cause mania or depression to appear for the first time or make existing symptoms worse.

There doesn’t have to be a trigger for a manic episode, but it is a common occurrence.

Some of the triggers include:

Stressful life events, whether good or bad

Substance abuse can worsen symptoms of bipolar or trigger an episode

Medications such as antidepressants can trigger mania, as can over-the-counter cold medicine and corticosteroids

Changes in seasons

Sleep deprivation

Treatment of Bipolar Disorder

Options for treating mania primarily depend on how severe the symptoms are and how they affect functionality in day-to-day life.

Treatments include medications and counseling for symptom control, such as mood stabilizers.

Therapy might also integrate lifestyle changes and support groups.

Medications for Bipolar Disorders

One of the most commonly used types of medication for bipolar disorder is mood stabilizers. Mood stabilizers include lithium, valproic acid, and divalproex sodium. These can help control manic or hypomanic periods.

Along with mood stabilizers, antipsychotics are another class of drug that may treat symptoms of bipolar disorder if other medicines didn’t work. Doctors might use a mood stabilizer along with an antipsychotic too.

Antidepressants can trigger mania but may be used to help with depression in bipolar disorder, mainly when they’re prescribed with an antipsychotic or mood stabilizer.

It can take time to find the right medicine or combination of medications – a doctor will usually only make one change at a time until they get it right.

Psychotherapy

Along with mood stabilizers and other medicines, long-term psychotherapy can be a critical part of treating bipolar disorder.

There are different types of therapy, such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT). In CBT, you identify your negative beliefs and behaviors and then replace them with something positive. During CBT, you might learn what triggers your bipolar and learn strategies to manage stress and cope.

Final Thoughts

The best step you can take to determine “am I bipolar?” is to talk to your doctor.

There are many great ways to manage the symptoms of bipolar disorder if that’s your ultimate diagnosis.

If you are looking for a doctor to talk to our team, the Mental Health Centers of San Diego has access to all of the professionals you need to get a diagnosis and treatment of any mental disorders, including bipolar.

[asocier]

an in-depth health condition headcanon post

cw: contains mentions of mental illness/mental health, trauma, eating disorder, depression, suicide, and anxiety -- ask to tag. 

alison clair, 24, female.

           unspecified feeding or eating disorder ( undiagnosed ) -- exhibits behaviors such as restrictive intake of food, a disturbed self-perception of her body, and lack of interest in regards to eating, but overall eating behaviors “do not meet the full criteria for any of the disorders in the feeding and eating disorders diagnostic class” ( DSM-5; p.354 ), particularly because these behaviors do not typically persist for more than 3 months at a time and because alison is within normal body weight according to bmi measures. however, it is important to note that alison has a history of disordered eating behaviors stemming from her high school years, even if these behaviors do not usually last consistently for months at a time. 

          post-traumatic stress disorder ( undiagnosed ) -- exhibits a variety of symptoms both presently and in the past immediately following her sexual assault and forced prostitution such as:

reoccuring, distressing dreams related to the traumatic events she has experienced and intense psychological distress and physiological reactions at internal/external cues that are related to or remind her of her traumatic experiences

active avoidance of "distressing memories, thoughts, or feelings about or closely associated with the traumatic event(s)” and “external reminders ( people, places, conversations, activities, objects, situations ) that arouse distressing memories, thoughts, or feelings about or closely associated with the traumatic event(s)” ( DSM-5; p. 271 )

 negative changes in mood and cognition after experiencing the traumatic events, such as dissociative amnesia ( i.e. the inability to remember an important aspect of a traumatic events ), self-blame due to distorted cognition regarding the causes of the traumatic events, persistent negative emotional states ( e.g. shame, fear, guilt ), significant diminished interest in activities she originally enjoyed, and feeling of detachment and estrangement from others. 

hypervigilance, exaggerated startle response, problems with concentration, and sleep disturbance ( notably difficulties falling asleep and staying asleep )

          it’s important to note that immediately following traumatic events ( 3 days to 1 month ), these symptoms would be classified as acute stress disorder. due to how long it has been since alison has experienced the traumatic events in her life, post-traumatic stress disorder is more appropriate, particularly because she continues to experience theses symptoms in present time. 

           genito-pelvic pain/penetration disorder ( undiagnosed ) -- acquired ( “the disturbance began after a period of relatively normal sexual function” [ DSM-5, p.437 ] ) and mild in severity. symptoms include difficulties having sexual intercourse, pain during penetration, anxiety over vaginal penetration, and tension of the pelvic floor muscle. tension of the pelvic floor muscle can be a reflexive spasm ( i.e. vaginismus ) or, in alison’s case, “normal/voluntary muscle guarding in response to the anticipated or the repeated experience of pain or to fear or anxiety” ( DSM-5; p. 438 ). penetration in the latter case may be possible when she is relaxed and at ease with her partner. 

nate cain, 26, male. 

          reactive attachment disorder ( childhood; diagnosed ) -- exhibited emotionally withdrawn behavior towards adult caregivers, specifically not seeking comfort when distressed and being unresponsive to any comfort given when distressed. persistent social and emotional disturbances include limited positive affect and minimal social and emotional responsiveness to others. has experienced a pattern of extremes or insufficient care, including social neglect in the form of not having basic emotional needs met by caregivers, frequent change in primary caregivers, and being raised in unusual settings that make forming attachments difficult ( e.g. institutions with high child-to-caregiver ratios ). 

          disinhibited social engagement disorder ( childhood; diagnosed ) -- actively approached and interacted with unfamiliar adults with reduced reticence, did not check back in with adult caregiver after going off by himself, and was very willing to leave with unfamiliar adults with little hesitation. note, this is not due solely to impulsivity but also socially disinhibited behavior. these behaviors began after receiving insufficient care as described in the earlier bullet point ( i.e. social neglect, frequent change in primary caregivers, and being reared in unusual settings ). 

          oppositional defiant disorder ( diagnosed ) -- displays an angry/irritable mood ( loses temper often, easily annoyed, and is often angry ) and argumentative/defiant behavior ( often argues with authority figures or adults, defies or refuses to follow requests of authority figures or adhere to rules ) to individuals who are not siblings. oppositional defiant disorder is prevalent in families in which “child care is disrupted by a succession of different caregivers or in families in which harsh, inconsistent, or neglectful child-rearing practices are common” ( DSM-5, p. 464 ) and is commonly co-occurring with the next bullet point, conduct disorder.

          conduct disorder ( diagnosed ) -- childhood-onset type; exhibits a repetitive pattern of behaviors in which the basic rights of others is violated as manifested through the following ( all bullet points are pulled directly from the DSM-5 ):

often bullies, threatens, or intimidates others 

often initiates physical fights

has been physically cruel to people

has forced someone into sexual activity

often stays out at night despite parental prohibitions, beginning before age 13 

has run away from home overnight at least twice while living in the parental or parental surrogate home, or once without returning for a lengthy period

is often truant from school, beginning before age 13

the disturbance in behavior causes clinically significant impairment in social, academic, or occupational functioning.

           bipolar II disorder ( diagnosed; medicated ) -- exhibits both hypomanic and major depressive episodes. hypomanic episodes are distinctly different from manic episodes specific to bipolar I disorder such that hypomanic episodes are not as intense as full-blown manic episodes and do not impair social or occupational functioning as would a manic episode. additionally, individuals with bipolar II disorder typically spend more time in a depressive episode than a hypomanic episode. as such, nate experiences depressive symptoms for much longer than his hypomanic symptoms. it’s also typical for him to experience a period of normal mood in between each episode.  

          symptoms of a hypomanic episode include: elevated mood, increased activity and energy, irritability, inflated self-esteem/grandiosity, decreased need for sleep, increase in goal-directed activity, psychomotor agitation ( e.g. tapping foot, pacing room ), and impulsive/reckless involvement in dangerous or risky activities. 

          symptoms of a major depressive episode include: depressed mood for most of the day almost every day, diminished interest/enjoyment in most activities, hypersomnia  ( excessive sleepiness ), fatigue and energy loss, feelings or worthlessness, difficulties concentrating, and suicidal ideation. 

leah nguyen, 20, female.

          generalized anxiety disorder ( undiagnosed ) -- exhibits signs of excessive worry and anxiety on most days about a variety of events or activities. the worry is difficult to control and is associated with feelings of being on edge/restlessness, fatigue, muscle tension, and sleep disturbance, specifically difficulties falling asleep and unsatisfying sleep. the anxiety causes significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning, and oftentimes has a longer duration than everyday anxiety and usually occurs “without precipitants,” meaning with no prior cause. to elaborate, leah’s anxiety prevents her from engaging in certain social activities and from taking on new opportunities regarding school or work. she spends a lot of her time worry about a lot of things and sometimes decides to stick to what is comfortable than to venture out even if it is severely limiting to her and ostracizes her from her peers. 

          lactose intolerance ( undiagnosed ) -- possesses a mild inability to fully digest the lactose in milk. condition is still very manageable as symptoms only become evident after consuming an abundance of foods containing dairy. discomfort usually manifests in the form of cramps, nausea, gas, and bloating. a severe reaction can lead to diarrhea or vomiting. 

aito matsuoka, 26, male. 

          caffeine withdrawal ( undiagnosed ) -- has established prolonged daily use of caffeine in the form of coffee consumption. lack of or reduced caffeine consumption can result in the following within 24 hours:

headache

fatigue or drowsiness

irritability

difficulty concentration

nausea

[niflim]

headcanon: mental health, psyche, etc.

beneath the cut is both an explanation of dysthymia ( persistent depressive disorder ) in addition to major depressive episode, post - traumatic stress disorder and acquired brain injury via mako poisoning in the context of cloud’s life.

i hope to present this information in a completely analytical way, free of any perceived bias. so it is also my hope that you inform me if i have in any way misstepped. it’s not my intent to offend, merely to provide my view on what cloud experiences, which i understand can sometimes be a dangerous thing in today’s world. this is a long post, but i do hope that you at least give it a skim ! i apologize for the blockquotes, if i could’ve linked individual sections, i definitely would’ve.

dysthymia & major depressive disorder. cloud develops dysthymia during his childhood. i wouldn’t call it simply major depressive disorder because his behavior doesn’t occur for mere weeks at a time. it’s on a larger scale and persists for at least two years ( one year in children and adolescents ). most people would assume that any depressive disorder would cause someone to become, well, depressed. but the interesting thing about adolescents is that they are actually more prone to irritability than so - called ' depression ’. 

criterion as per the dsm - v ( taken verbatim ) is presented below:

‘ a. depressed mood for most of the day, for more days than not, as indicated by either subjective account or observation by others, for at least 2 years.

note: in children and adolescents, mood can be irritable and duration must be at least 1 year.

b. presence, while depressed, of two (or more) of the following:

poor appetite or overeating.

insomnia or hypersomnia.

low energy or fatigue.

low self-esteem.

poor concentration or difficulty making decisions.

feelings of hopelessness.

c. during the 2-year period (1 year for children or adolescents) of the disturbance, the individual has never been without the symptoms in criteria a and b for more than 2 months at a time.

d. criteria for a major depressive disorder may be continuously present for 2 years.

e. there has never been a manic episode or a hypomanic episode, and criteria have never been met for cyclothymic disorder.

f. the disturbance is not better explained by a persistent schizoaffective disorder, schizophrenia, delusional disorder, or other specified or unspecified schizophrenia spectrum and other psychotic disorder.

g. the symptoms are not attributable to the physiological effects of a substance (e.g., a drug of abuse, a medication) or another medical condition (e.g. hypothyroidism).

h. the symptoms cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning. ’

symptoms that apply: insomnia, low self - esteem, poor concentration / difficulty making decisions, feelings of hopelessness.

i’m going to be tackling this going down the list.

a. in cloud’s childhood, cloud comes off as fairly irritable, especially towards tifa’s friends. his lack of self - esteem showed itself in a heightened opinion of himself, as arrogance tends to. he decided he was better than the other kids, therefore he shouldn’t be bothered that he can’t hang out with them. this is relatively weak, admittedly, to what i will be discussing next. it’s only one symptom as opposed to the two required. 

b & c. the event that took place when he was nine and tifa was eight, after the death of her mother and the trip to mt. nibel, really hammers the point home. because of his perceived incitement of the expedition rather than his attempt to help tifa, he was met with the ire of the adults and dissuaded from talking to tifa. this introduces way more irritability in the form of cloud’s anger problem and inappropriate feelings of guilt that are associated with an episode of major depressive disorder.

according to an article published by the h.arvard medical school: 

‘ symptoms can grow into a full-blown episode of major depression. people with persistent depressive disorder have a greater-than-average chance of developing major depression. while major depression often occurs in episodes, persistent depressive disorder is defined as more constant, lasting for years ’.

at least, cloud experiences a major depressive episode ; at most, he develops the full - blown disorder. given that he’s been experiencing persistent depressive disorder with at least two points in his life where he has had a major depressive episode ( mt. nibel, failing to make it into soldier, during advent children ), i’d wager that the latter situation is the reality. 

d. since major depression disorder is chronic and tends to come in episodes during particularly taxing times, it can still be present when one is diagnosed with dysthymia. major depressive disorder comes with four additional symptoms: excessive guilt / feelings of worthlessness, s.uicide ideation, loss of interest, psychomotor agitation / r.etardation. cloud does indeed experience excessive guilt, as discussed above, and i would wager that he does go through a period where he has feelings of worthlessness and he definitely loses interest in making friends.

e, f, g. i wouldn’t classify cloud’s ‘ substance - related illness ’ / mako poisoning as grounds for a manic episode. nor does it cause substance - related depression ; this is merely the situation framing his contact with mako.

h. this condition causes a lot of issues in cloud’s social life as shown by his relationship to the other kids ( though it was in part due to their exclusivity ) and his easy - to - anger personality.

i believe that it is also worth noting that the aforementioned article also reveals that ‘ some people with persistent depressive disorder have experienced a major loss in childhood, such as the death of a parent ’. cloud went through the loss of a father at an early age, i headcanon around age 5 / 6, and growing up without a fatherly figure can be rough for a child. i know without a doubt that claudia could only do so much to make sure her son grew up fine. that is not to bring her down or any single mothers down, there is no doubt she loved her son dearly, but it still isn’t something that can be ignored. i’m sure cloud owes his open mind, kindness, and protective nature to her, and that is also something that made him vulnerable to the other kids’ teasing, leading cloud to become depressed and try to be tough and hide his emotions.

post - traumatic stress disorder. it goes without saying that cloud has experienced multiple traumatic experiences in his life. there’s the events at mt. nibel & tifa’s coma, the nibelheim incident, and zack’s death. so instead of proving the trauma that is undoubtedly there, i will instead be speaking of the symptoms that he experiences due to the disorder.

criterion as per the dsm - v ( taken verbatim ) is presented below:

a. exposure to actual or threatened death, serious injury, or sexual violence in one (or more) of the following ways:

directly experiencing the traumatic event(s).

witnessing, in person, the event(s) as it occurred to others.

learning that the traumatic event(s) occurred to a close family member or close friend. in cases of actual or threatened death of a family member or friend, the event(s) must have been violent or accidental.

experiencing repeated or extreme exposure to aversive details of the traumatic event(s) (e.g., first responders collecting human remains: police officers repeatedly exposed to details of child abuse).

note: criterion a4 does not apply to exposure through electronic media, television, movies, or pictures, unless this exposure is work related.

b. presence of one (or more) of the following intrusion symptoms associated with the traumatic event(s), beginning after the traumatic event(s) occurred:

recurrent, involuntary, and intrusive distressing memories of the traumatic event(s). note: in children older than 6 years, repetitive play may occur in which themes or aspects of the traumatic event(s) are expressed.

recurrent distressing dreams in which the content and/or affect of the dream are related to the traumatic event(s). note: in children, there may be frightening dreams without recognizable content.

dissociative reactions (e.g., flashbacks) in which the individual feels or acts as if the traumatic event(s) were recurring. (such reactions may occur on a continuum, with the most extreme expression being a complete loss of awareness of present surroundings.) note: in children, trauma-specific reenactment may occur in play.

intense or prolonged psychological distress at exposure to internal or external cues that symbolize or resemble an aspect of the traumatic event(s).

marked physiological reactions to internal or external cues that symbolize or resemble an aspect of the traumatic event(s).

c. persistent avoidance of stimuli associated with the traumatic event(s), beginning after the traumatic event(s) occurred, as evidenced by one or both of the following:

avoidance of or efforts to avoid distressing memories, thoughts, or feelings about or closely associated with the traumatic event(s).

avoidance of or efforts to avoid external reminders (people, places, conversations, activities, objects, situations) that arouse distressing memories, thoughts, or feelings about or closely associated with the traumatic event(s).

d. negative alterations in cognitions and mood associated with the traumatic event(s), beginning or worsening after the traumatic event(s) occurred, as evidenced by two (or more) of the following:

inability to remember an important aspect of the traumatic event(s) (typically due to dissociative amnesia and not to other factors such as head injury, alcohol, or drugs).

persistent and exaggerated negative beliefs or expectations about oneself, others, or the world (e.g., “i am bad,” “no one can be trusted,” ‘the world is completely dangerous,” “my whole nervous system is permanently ruined”).

persistent, distorted cognitions about the cause or consequences of the traumatic event(s) that lead the individual to blame himself/herself or others.

persistent negative emotional state (e.g., fear, horror, anger, guilt, or shame).

markedly diminished interest or participation in significant activities.

feelings of detachment or estrangement from others.

persistent inability to experience positive emotions (e.g., inability to experience happiness, satisfaction, or loving feelings).

e. marked alterations in arousal and reactivity associated with the traumatic event(s), beginning or worsening after the traumatic event(s) occurred, as evidenced by two (or more) of the following:

irritable behavior and angry outbursts (with little or no provocation) typically expressed as verbal or physical aggression toward people or objects.

reckless or self-destructive behavior.

hypervigilance.

exaggerated startle response.

problems with concentration.

sleep disturbance (e.g., difficulty falling or staying asleep or restless sleep).

f. duration of the disturbance (criteria b, c, d, and e) is more than 1 month.

g. the disturbance causes clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.

h. the disturbance is not attributable to the physiological effects of a substance (e.g., medication, alcohol) or another medical condition.

a. we’ve already established that cloud fits this criterion because he has the disorder.

b. cloud experiences intrusive or recurrent memories of the traumatic event (1) in addition to dreams that put him as a player in the burning of nibelheim. he usually takes zack’s role until his memory is restored (2). given that cloud has multiple instances in which sephiroth visits him in a vision while he is awake, there also some instances when they’re just that ... visions / flashbacks of his trauma outside of the influence that sephiroth holds on him (3). cloud experiences distress and pain whenever he’s visited by a vision of sephiroth or the mention of zack’s name (4, 5).

 c. though his behavior is certainly the closed off sort, he doesn’t avoid tifa. in fact, he is drawn to her as a survivor of the event and a supposed dear friend. he does, however, present himself as emotionally closed off, for the most part, save for some softer moments where he acts protective of his newfound friends (1, 2).

d. cloud definitely misremembers the events surrounding the nibelheim incident and zack’s death, instead becoming confused by the memories zack told him about and believing himself to be zack (1). cloud is instilled with the belief that despite now being a merc, he has to be the perfect soldier which would require him to be strong, resourceful, and careful with his emotions. he takes a no -  nonsense approach to life. this tends to fail (2). cloud feels somewhat responsible for tifa’s father’s death even in his false memories and, also, later feels responsible for zack’s death once he knows the truth. he feels that it is in some way his fault (3). cloud maintains a somewhat pissy attitude for the first half of the game, but, ultimately, this doesn’t entirely apply to him (4). cloud feels a diminished interest in being friends with tifa’s friends, especially after the incident that caused his initial trauma and feels even more separated and detached from them. this is also how he handles his initial interactions with the members of avalanche, though they eventually get through to him (5, 6). he’s emotionally closed off, as mentioned above, and is more prone to anger. but people who show him understanding and the praise / acceptance / acknowledgement he secretly wishes for, he cracks a smile.

e. he is easy to anger and gets into fights with the other kids after mt. nibel (1). cloud, somewhat recklessly, goes off to become a soldier. though not conditionally reckless, i do think it’s odd that simply trying to impress someone could push him to do something like that. maybe some part of him wanted to be more than he was, not just to earn tifa’s attention (2). cloud is very alert and aware of his surroundings. it’s in part battle instinct, in part training, in part trauma - induced (3). this one is hit or miss, it really depends (4). no problems with concentration, unless in the throes of a vision (5). we experience how restless cloud is in how easily he wakes up. when tifa knocks, when there’s the clone next door, when he’s at aerith’s house. he’s a light sleeper (6).

f. yes, it’s been more than a month.

g. this does cause social issues.

h. given that this condition was present before cloud’s mako poisoning, it is not the result of a substance. however, mako poisoning did make things worse.

acquired brain injury - mako poisoning. one of the causes of an abi happens to be poisoning compared to trauma caused by an impact or injury in the event of a traumatic brain injury. injuries of this sort can create permanent or temporary damage to one’s psyche --- cognitive, physical, emotional, or behavioral. this happens to cloud twice. given that he doesn’t necessarily recover from his mako poisoning entirely before falling in the lifestream again, his already active condition actually worsens. without zack’s stories to supplement his memories the second time, he completely loses himself and remains vegetative until tifa aids him in piecing together their shared past. it’s not all her, as cloud does have a hand in it, showing that he hasn’t completely lost himself, his mind is merely scrambled in a sort of dissociative amnesia that requires outside help to set right. this contributes to his depression and anger issues ( though, admittedly, they’ve diminished for the most part in his soldier state ). this also contributes to his memory loss. if anyone is curious, i can attempt to write more on this later !

sources: dsm - v, abi wiki ( the sources here checked out ), h.arvard health publishing.

[mediioxumate]

since we’re on meta today, here are some things about my maruki! namely - him and his persona. (p5r spoilers abound !)

for the purposes of my maruki, he is possessed by azathoth, not necessarily dissimilar to how possession happens in the first few persona games. (also, azathoth is the father of nyarlathotep. much to think about, for those of you familiar with him in the og persona games.) 

azathoth sleeps in him, until he gets the same intense grief/rebellion that causes persona awakenings. due to the possessive nature, however, it leads to the way azathoth manifests outside of the metaverse. this is aided, as well, by maruki’s research, his ability to be in touch with the cognitive world though he has yet to successfully enter it. 

notably, this is also why his palace ruler is himself, rather than a distorted cognition. he has control and awareness of his distortion, granted by his persona and research. additionally, he knows when his palace appears, has a shift in his heart - soon, helping just a few people isn’t enough. his hunger twists and turns in him until it’s something unrecognizable. 

objectively, he knows this is bad. he knows the moment Rumi can no longer remember him - no longer remembers her trauma, that this isn’t right, but the thought of returning her to her state before is too devastating, it feels infinitely more cruel than letting her live a lie, but one in which she’s happy.

between azathoth, and his own coping, he convinces himself more and more, moralizes what he’s done with rumi. and of course, sumire enters stage right, traumatized, not functioning, and he thinks, again, that he can fix this, that he can help her, prove that what he’s done is right. again, he can connect with azathoth, and watches sumire’s pain wash away as she steps into kasumi. and he feels justified, feels like she’s proven that he’s doing The Right Thing. 

the possession remains minor until yaldabaoth goes and yknow. merges the metaverse and the real world bc he’s gotta be Like That ifg. but that’s when maruki goes from distorted, palace, but overall smaller scale, to being able to access his palace, and use that merge to exert his influence, to make his dreams a reality. this is. where we lose him. 

azathoth leads him astray, leans him harder and harder into his distortion, fuels the sense of justice behind him so much so that he’s able to awaken adam kadmon after azathoth is defeated, and this is where he goes Classique palace ruler - unable to give up, clinging desperately to his distortion. which also leads to the, unfortunately tentacle bound, possession from adam kadmon as well. by now, he had begun to feel like a chosen vessel rather than a persona holder.