#love to see people anyone rb this with their own perspective

[giovanni-bottesini]

There's something I've noticed a lot more recently as I've taken up my late grandmother's genealogist role in my family's Scottish clan (something which still sounds fictional to me) which I see as yet another example of well-meaning white settler leftists approaching important conversations with a very flawed mindset consisting of what some would call "white guilt" and the self-sacrificial or "repentant" approach to decolonization that lets you skip learning about any culture at all! You can just say "I'm a white settler on stolen land. That sucks and I hate it." and buy an orange shirt on the internet while you're supposed to be doing your day job for the government.

This isn't about giving up your own cultural identity as a "sacrifice" to those who have had them stripped away. The goal is always to know more about ourselves, each other, and the unbelievable extent to which our ancestors documented everything they could about themselves. No matter how unimportant you might think your middle-class suburban family might be, there are millions of people dedicating their entire lives and careers to using every bit of data they can find to make leaps in understanding I couldn't piece together if I tried.

Do you resent your rich, white, Catholic upbringing? Don't you want to just forget it all, throw out those dumb old documents, and renounce your European origins in solidarity with the indigenous peoples? Well, first of all, uniteforchange.com is a good place for folks in "Canada" to start out if you're in a position to pay reparations (folks encouraged to rb with international community/mutual aid funds) but please make sure your family documents remain in caring hands! Donate them to a university or research institute, or any sort of passionate genealogist in your family or community so the knowledge doesn't just rot in your poorly-insulated attic.

Or read the documents yourself! Bring them to a local library and scan them, upload them to a database like familysearch.org or geneanet.org and figure out why your family is catholic, what they may have practiced before, and how you ended up as a settler rather than living in Ireland, or Italy, or Hungary, or anywhere else considered "white" enough (nowadays) to get the "good" side of colonialism: having their culture leeched out of them whilst participating in the destruction of others, rather than being destroyed.

Decolonialism isn't ever about hating your identity and trying to bury it out of shame, or appropriating another culture that feels "better" to your conscience. It's about understanding yourself, hard realities and all, looking back at the countless people who were silenced before their voices could be heard, and fighting like hell for the people who still have the chance.

Realizing your history should disturb rather than comfort you, but realizing your privilege should not demoralize you; it should empower you.

[wispvial]

i wrote like a character sheet (?) about franklin x nubbins to aid me with my fic and to explain things...may as well post on my bloggy. tumblr isnt really a blogging experience because walls of text are discouraged...i'll post about nubbins then rb with franklin :]

--

Nubbins. His eyebrows have a placating droop. He has a big forehead and is peppered with scabs. He stutters his I’s but his stutter is mostly absent at home. He is transparent and easy to understand, but not at first, before he does something bad.

Nubbins is not capable of empathizing with Franklin or anyone else, but he does recognize his traits in him. Nubbins knows only himself in the innocent way an animal does. He wants people to watch him, play with him, and care for him, and his inability to see from other’s perspective makes rejection confusing, even though he is violent, dirty, antisocial, and a cannibal; nothing that inspires warm feelings in most people. The most important thing is that he can’t see himself the way others do. Like a diseased, disoriented deer, he stumbles through a world he can't understand, inconveniences others without shame or knowledge. There is serenity in this and there is pain, but to him, nothing is his fault.

Nubbins has discovered how good it feels to receive praise and positive attention from Franklin. Franklin is cute no matter how he’s feeling, but he’s quiet when he’s sad, and sarcastic when angry, none of which are fun for Nubbins. So, it’s best to make him happy, so they can play together—it’s important for him to reciprocate, because no one ever does. Nubbins has a voyeuristic, obsessive spirit, and observing all of Franklin’s quirks and expressions is rewarding, though he often can’t make sense of it.

If romantic love is understood, uncharitably, to be monopolizing and isolating, absorbing the personhood of another and replacing it with your own, it’s a gift that comes naturally to Nubbins. Romance is a thing that outsiders experience, who are stupid, silly, even bestial in fear. But it's fun and okay if he does it, though not once before had he considered this as an option.

Nubbins was raised by a man actively against sexual education and has a strange, fragmented relationship to human bodies from his frequent butchering and processing of them. He fixates on parts and not the whole picture. Pain is pleasurable and he’s in love with, or defined by blood. He is not scandalized by sex but it’s strange to him. Ultimately, it’s just a thing you can do with another person, and he likes doing things with Franklin.

Nubbins may seem to be a chaotic figure, and one may romanticize in him what they view as freedom. Certainly, the social norms that make Franklin’s daily life miserable are lost on Nubbins. But no one’s world could be as stifling as his, his nuclear family without a coat of varnish, who cannot imagine a world without humiliation and pain, who can only hope to be the one lucky enough to inflict it.

[twochildreninamoteldemo]

I feel like so many non-americans go along with weirdcest because that's the idea of it. like Sam and Dean sleeping in the same bed etc etc in the context of them being white men in the usa, I think could be seen as very weird. but I'll admit that sometimes people talking about their idea of weirdcest made me feel uncomfortable because I act the same with my family, and it made me even question IF my family was weird (it's not). also I pretty much live in a country where nudity is not a big deal in general. Like I've always shared a bed with my family members, I still share a bed with my brother sometimes, and as I said being naked around eachother is? normal? it's just a body and it's literally either my mom or my brother and even my dad sometimes. I don't see what the big deal is. like going along with weirdcest headcanons is mostly fun but it's clear that most of those headcanons were made up by white americans lol

Well put. I actually am American and in a lot of/most contexts would call myself white, but I am mixed race and multicultural and it's truly fascinating to see different cultural standards even within my own family. Im aware that most tumblr ppl's idea of weirdcest is based around a white midwest American 90s sort of perspective, but the original idea has taken on this huge scale that I do think has normalized the kind of waspy hegemonic cultural norm on tumblr itself, within the fandom. And thus it makes anyone outside of that structure feel alienated. It's like the race/culture version of heteronormativity. There's a word for this right?

And like I always have enjoyed weirdcest. I get the feeling that some people who saw my post, who maybe don't know me very well, assumed that I was hostile to it or didn't know what it was, or whatever. And that's kind of frustrating bc it was meant to me a tongue in cheek kind of vent post meant for people who also felt the same way, it wasn't meant to start discourse, and I had hoped people would understand that. I guess that's on me for not being more clear. Maybe people were just getting defensive. White people love to get defensive.

Anyway I turned off rbs on the op and I just hope this dies down after a bit. Either way it's nice knowing that others feel the same way and hey, maybe this will get people to be a little more culturally aware idk.

[fluffylandshark]

hi! just wanted to say i COMPLETELY understand your perspective even though it kind of felt like it assumed that we don't draw bc we love it. i mean a ton of artists do and just don't post it or show it to anyone--but us loving our own art and being motivated to draw it ourselves isn't exactly why we post it? if that makes sense? we know that it doesn't matter but it's just discouraging when people don't say anything to us about it!

for example like, i don't show my art to someone i know anymore even when i am proud of it because the only thing they ever say is "cute," and even though it's a nice compliment it's something i kind of already knew was going to happen. when i was younger it used to discourage the shit out of me because i was like, but what do you like about it? why do you like it? and obviously importance adjusted (this person vs hundreds of people on the internet) it very much sucks to get a like to rb ratio of like. 1:25, because it's just like, why couldn't at least a handful of you take the time to comment?

when it's just likes, even if it's A Lot of Likes, it still very much feels like an echo chamber. i don't ask for reblogs because i want my art to be Known as Great and Validated but i ask for reblogs because that's the only way that it gets to other people who might like it and i can actually see personalized feedback whether it be through comments or tags. i share things with my friends because they've shown me they like it, so it goes the same for people reblogging!

Thanks for your kind words. I do think you draw cause you love it, I was scared that you'd lose sight of that. That being too focused on the number of reblogs was taking away from your enjoyment of the craft. But I can understand that personalized feedback is way better than silence. I've been trying to improve on that front for a while now. Social anxiety is annoying like that.

[petphantoms]

the abusive flower husbands thing does actually just come across as homophobic at some point. interpreting things in your own way is all well and good but as a gay man seeing people who are not gay men (from a lot of what I've seen anyway, not saying it's true for everyone), bending over backwards to say "no really they're abusive because I'm going to take these jokes and bits completely literally" it feels bad actually. I'm also not cool with the way people also tie this into scott being aro, bc I'm also aro and implying that he's abusive because he is aro is bad actually! sorry i really don't want to start anything this has just really been bothering me and you're the first to actually bring it up. it just has uncomfortable ties to the way people treat scott (as a character and as a real life person) as a gay man, and i think people should be more critical of these patterns

i had no idea scott was aro? huh! so i wont be able to comment on that fully because i havent seen it personally used as a point of discussion but that's really interesting..and im sure ur telling the truth i just. i havent seen it so i cant say much about my experience with it

other than that, yeah! like i said in my rb response, people dont tend to give the way that joel and grian and etc all bully jimmy the same treatment, where theyre Also horrible and abusive to jimmy etc, it just. it strikes me?

i know not EVERYONE who is interpreting FH as abusive hates scott or is even homophobic but it does just come off weird when people just don't seem to like... enjoy. the people involved at all. ... i enjoy some problematic ships because im interested in the dynamic and how things happened and the outcome, um. .. not because i hate this other guy??

idk if that makes any sense. id love to talk about the nuance and importance of media analysis and interpretation/representation of problematic relationships whether they be intentional or not but thats not rly what ur here for.

personally i do love discussion so if you have more shipping takes i am literally all ears, even if i disagree i really enjoy trying to understand different perspectives, which is a huge reason why i even made that post in the first place. it was a cry of frustration and confusion with what i was seeing because i had no context.

anyways everyone please remember we love eachother and to be civil and that im just here for discussion and understanding. i dont think FH is abusive personally, to me it reads as very just messing around and rough housing in a bad and unfamiliar situation (the life series is not like. a kind game, and 3l was the first! ofc theyre gonna be less comfortable).

i dont think its actually indicative of anyones personal beliefs unless theyre being freaks but i would implore everyone regardless of what you do or dont like both CCs and ships and etc to like. ask yourself why you dont like it, and where you're getting that information from, ykwim?

ok ty for the ask nonnie xx -🍄

[nil-the-glitch]

Different anon here hii! I mean no ill will but considering your blog content, I don't think it was the sexualisation or furries that was a problem. Methuselah was a real animal. He held a place in lots of people's hearts, mine included. I think "rude anon" is the same. Sometimes seeing something that can be viewed as sexualisation of your favourite thing, especially when that thing was a real, aged, beloved giant galapagos like Methuselah, can make people upset. I understand paying tribute to him, but this can be viewed as disrespectful. Again, no hate, just a perspective!

Literally I reblogged all that as comparison to show it's not the same. And I'm probably not ever gonna rb that again tbh, I prefer filling my blog with fandom stuff and my own art (despite it not being interacted with much ahaha-)

And like, yeah, sure, public figure known and loved by many, I can see it, but that hasn't stopped anyone with the countless white boys on YouTube or, I hate to acknowledge it's existence, but Vaporeon. Which gets objectively worse tbh I do not enjoy Pokémon hole being inflicted on my eyes every now and then by my dash, but hey, it's Tumblr, and on Tumblr, if you don't like something you block the person it's coming from and move on. Like that's the entire point of cultivating a dash, is so that you only see the things you want to see. Curate your own experience.

Sure everyone is a clown here, but we all have our own individual stages. If you don't like my show, go to a different one. You're not paying me to cater to you in the first place.

[butch-reidentified]

Your pinned and the posts you rb about trans people make it pretty clear you aren't trans inclusive lmao

My issue is primarily with hateful, misogynistic, and homophobic trans people. A large and ever-growing portion of the online trans movement has unfortunately gone this direction, subscribing to a cult-like community's fantastical+misogynistic+homophobic+racist ideology, historical revisionism, doublespeak, DARVO tactics, and more. Irl, though, that's not as often the case, at least ime. Actually, the majority of my friend circle are transitioned/dysphoric people, and they themselves have brought me to my critical perspective of the mainstream movement. They feel alienated and abandoned by a movement that has become hateful, harmful, and dominated by fetishistic heterosexual men who get "euphoria boners" from stealing their sister's underwear and aren't even sex-dysphoric. These men attack & silence the more "old-school" sort of transwomen bc they pose a threat to the current genderist narrative by rejecting the core concepts behind the idea of gender identity and refusing to deny their sex is male or trample women's boundaries. I'm pretty protective of those transwomen tbh, which is why I can't stand that their community has been ripped from them by people who pretend to care about them but don't, and worse, all while claiming to be them.

My feminism will never be tolerant of natally male people who hate women. Never ever. But the mtf transitioners I know and love are fighting by my side at every abortion rally and standing up for lesbians daily. They support and fight for women's liberation with zero expectation of getting anything out of it. They fight for the humanity of women even/especially when that means standing up to other trans people. They're my allies. Not the pornsick, anime-girl-fetishizing, male-entitlement-reeking creeps who have turned on those actually suffering from sex dysphoria, driven them from their own spaces, and called them TERFs and bitches just as they have called me.

I know many of you subscribe to an ideology that says that anyone who doesn't blindly affirm every single person who says "I'm trans" regardless of that person's actual material reality/experiences and without a shred of criticism or even a single question is a vile hateful bigot. But you must see how irrational that is. Why should any group or movement be shielded from all criticism? When did criticism and questioning the logic of a belief system come to mean hatred and wanting people dead??

I am trans inclusive. I just have boundaries and standards, and I have those for the safety and advancement of ALL my sisters, non-trans and trans alike.

[rainbowsky]

More on the Fan Fic issue

I have a few more asks about the issue raised the other day, some of which are long and go into detail on the 'wars' that have been happening on Twitter and AO3.

Sorry for grouping these but I wanted to put it all under a cut because these are long, and also in case people don't want to dig into these issues (which would be understandable).

Anonymous 1 asked:

"I am very strongly of the opinion that the BJYX term is still a fandom umbrella term" I agree. Mainly because Bjyx is the most popular. Many antis always say bjyx, and have no idea the others. So sometimes it's easier just to say bjyx instead of explaining all three. I myself more like "who cares as long as they happy." So I enjoy Yizhan in all contexts. Many bxgs I know also like that, mostly ibxgs. I think deep down all bxgs (no matter which position they prefer) just want Yizhan to be happy

Not sure we can be so certain about that last part, Anon (I think for a lot of people GG and DD are just characters in a smutty story they have in their heads), but I agree about the term being popular regardless of the type of fans people are.

From what I can see the BJYX term seems to be used 80-90% umbrella, 10-20% dynamic in both international and c-social media (for every 10 times you see the term used, only one or two of those usages - probably less - are referring to a dynamic). This is my totally unscientific estimation, but I think even 10-20% dynamic is being generous. The number of people who are fixated on a sexual dynamic aren't nearly as large as they'd like to believe.

Anonymous 2 asked:

about the promptfests - i’ve been on twitter since early 2020 and what i’ve noticed is that this influx bjyx-only promptfests started gaining speed once lots of rational voices started leaving the fandom recently either because a) new interests have caught their attention or b) the toxicity of the popular bxg circles on twitter have become too much to handle.

gdgdbaby was usually the organizer of dynamic-inclusive events, and she’s received lots, and lots, and lots of backlash by bxg, sometimes even by accounts with thousands followers, for using bjyx as a catch-all term. and as her interest in yizhan has since waned—hopefully for reasons unrelated to fandom toxicity—many of the people who were attracted to the welcoming environment she created distanced themselves as well.

zsww/lsfy fans have become an outnumbered circle who try their best to create exclusive events to avoid the “is bjyx a catch-all term” discourse, but never seem to gain as much traction as gdgdbaby (who has a sizeable following) or those who host bjyx-only events (who also have sizeable followings).

meanwhile the dynamic war has only become more and more hostile and bjyx is clearly the more populated group… ao3 is simply a battlegrounds, if i may dramatize the situation a little for the sake of humor, and the promptfests are a reaction to this irritating t/b discourse that has made bxg twitter completely inhospitable for me…and lots of other fans too.

(i’ve also noticed a huge reinforcement as of recently where ppl will call gg laopo, a milf, an omega, etc even outside of rpf (i.e. posting pictures of him at events and saying he looks pregnant or he’s going into heat) and it’s just… uncomfortable.)

(also please note i have a biased account of all of this drama bc many of my friends were harassed over it, and anyone who disagrees with my take may feel free to interject.)

I took the liberty of adding paragraph breaks because they are pretty important for some readers, particularly ND readers like me.

It's sad to hear how fucked up everything has become, but I'm not even remotely surprised. Toxicity leads to toxicity, and the whole idea of dividing up a RP fandom by sex position was misguided from the outset - no matter why it was done or how good the intentions might have been.

And yes, like I said, these people aren't just framing things this way for fan fic. This is how they talk about IRL GGDD.

I had written a lengthy essay here about homophobia in the fandom but deleted it all. Perhaps I'll post it separately at some later point. Suffice it to say that this stuff creates a climate that's often hostile for queer people. So much of it is deeply homophobic, whether people are aware of it or not.

It's really sad to hear about gdgdbaby being mistreated in any way. Anyone who steps up and sticks their neck out to help organize and coordinate activities that benefit a broader group of people should be celebrated and supported, not run out of town by an angry mob.

I've read some of her stories and even have one or two on my rec list. And here's someone who is not only writing good works, but also supporting others to write more good works. Such a shame.

Anonymous 3 asked:

Hello Mr. RBS! I think I can chime in a bit about the fanfic topic as I’ve watched this all unravel on twitter (where a majority of authors/readers are). I apologize if this gets long but it’s been something that’s also been on my mind.

I want to preface this by saying that I’m not a fan of the distinctions of dynamics as, like you said, the supposed line between real life and fanfic is long gone, so I’m not trying to be biased against one group over another.

Short answer to the question of, “is this retaliation?” : I do believe it is. (From here onwards I’ll be using bjyx as the dynamic term just for the ease of simplicity.) To understand why, I’ll have to explain with a bit of background info. On twitter, I’d say that there’s a quite large divide between bjyx and zsww/lsfy. That itself isn’t really a problem because people are free to like what they like and associate with whoever.

However there is a big problem where bjyx people are not just bjyx but also anti-zsww/lsfy. To the point where I’ve seen people say that they feel physically ill when they accidentally read zsww. I don’t think this type of behavior should exist in any dynamic bc in the end GGDD are real people with a real relationship behind this content and it’s just a gross fetishization at that point.

With all this happening, zsww/lsfy people have gotten more outspoken on how GG is often portrayed in those types of scenarios, mainly the over-feminization of him, bc it’s not just done in the context of fanfic but regular discussion of GGDD at this point. This tension between the dynamics kind of boiled over when the pregnant xz fest was announced, as you can take a guess at how that went over with zsww/lsfy people. lol.

But around that same time, another zsww/lsfy event was announced (I’m not sure if it’s the one anon was talking about) but the creator of the event suddenly got a ton of backlash for excluding bjyx, with the reasoning that bjyx is technically a part of lsfy. But the event was done to highlight zsww/lsfy (as all specific events are) bc the community and content for these dynamics are much less than bjyx.

Which is how we come back to the starting point of, is all this recent bjyx stuff retaliatory. I believe so bc the events (preg fest, dark event) are very specific prompts that target exactly what zsww/lsfy people have been outspoken against.

As to the point anon made about trying to drown out the tags, keep in mind that zsww/lsfy content is very minimal compared to bjyx and has only just recently started to gain more traction. I think most people would love to just peacefully exist in their own circles but I don’t see this problem between dynamics disappearing anytime soon.

Like I said with the above Anon, I've added paragraph breaks for ND readers.

What a mess.

I have absolutely nothing useful to say here about the fandom on AO3 and how it's managed by community members, but I do think it's unfortunate that people choose to be war-like rather than make space for diverse voices, and I think it's a real shame that some people have been essentially run out of the fandom because of this garbage.

Thanks for giving some context for how/why the major shift in tone of fan fic lately. I had no idea any of this was going on.

I urge people to work hard to give space for all voices and perspectives, and not just the ones they favor. I'd also urge people to reflect on how their thoughts, behavior and actions in the fandom might affect queer people in the fandom.

As always, we have no control over what other people do, say or think. All we have any control over is how we respond to what other people do, say or think. Hopefully we'll chose the path of peace and try to avoid fan wars or fights that only ruin the experience for everyone.

I guess one thing I'd ask any of the Anons who have written me about this issue - or anyone who has thoughts about it - is, what can we as readers/fans who care about diversity of voices and perspectives do to support that here and on AO3, without getting involved in any kind of war?

[annetteblog]

Intro & My take on KM

Hi!

I’m new around here so it’s supposed to be (not so short) introduction, since I don’t know how to start a blog heh. I hope to sprinkle my 0.5 cents into the KM conversation and maybe to bring a new perspective from someone, who is not a part of the typical English-speaking West.

Who /the hell/ Am I?  

(please, consider it to be said with NJ’s voice from Intro: Persona :D)

I was born in Siberia (it’s in the Asian part of Russia), currently live in the European part of the country while studying at a Uni (European in terms of geography, not in terms of everything else i’m definitely not shading rn lolllll). English is not my first language, I’ve just kind of learnt it to some extent. Due to this it takes me more time to write a post; and I may (and will) make some grammatical & other mistakes. Plus I’m lazy AND busy with Uni, so I won’t even promise to be consistent in posting smth lol. But I thought I need more practice in terms of writing in English, so here I am, actually scribbling something. This feels weird, because I’ve been around stan Tumblr since 2015, but never ever interacted, just read.

How I ended up around Jikook/Kookmin (and BTS) & My (long&messy) take on this matter

Although I had heard of BTS before, I became an Army only in October 2018. I had kinda avoided them, because you know... boybands.... sing songs about romantic love and how they love girls.......... (+I had been around Twitter when 1D been at their peak and I remember a quite toxic community of fans, whom always had scared me). Shortly, hello stereotypes. Obviously, after I got engaged I felt terribly sorry that I had been sleeping on them, but what is done cannot be undone. 

Someone I knew back then reposted one of their MVs and I, during my sad hours of procrastination, decided to watch it. Then I saw their live performance with the same song. And I thought “wow these guys can sing and dance and the music is kinda cool, i need to check this out maybe??” 

Then a funny thing happened. One of the next videos I watched (the same person had it added to their page) was a 2016 BangtanBomb where JM and JK practiced their Coming of Age dance. 

Do you know this moment with Gina from the 1st episode of Brooklyn 9-9:

Well, that was precisely me after I watched it. I don’t even know how to explain this, it was kind of a gut feeling? Whatever you call it, I started to get suspicious and couldn’t even explain to myself why. /actually now a do have questions to this vid and the main one - why does everyone cringe that much? if it’s a girly choreo than they had done some “girly” moves before. why is there such strong reaction??/

I started to get deeper and went to some ru-shipper communities. Shipping culture among Russian speaking fans is... well, weird to some extent, but I maybe address this topic some time later. You need to consider that (as far as you probably know) Russia is quite homophonic country and sadly is not the greatest place for LGBTQ+ community at the moment. The non-frienly influential attitudes hanging in the society + the general shippers’ weirdness = the result is not that nice honestly. 

I struggled for some time in order to find more mature people (not just in terms of age but in general sanity), failed, ended up with some EXTREMELY toxic ru-fans of TK, which was/is the most popular pairing here, spent among them like 15 minutes and ran away horrified. After that I didn’t even try to engage with shippers or believers or whatever of any pair and just decided to enjoy the music and the content (which is a great idea, highly recommend!)

After a couple of days I discovered that JK makes videos. I love video, films and visual art so I immediately found them on YT, saw the titles with names of different cities from all over the world and was like “Oh that must be so cool, he’s visited so many outstanding places I’ve never been to, so I really need to watch it! I shall enjoy some beautyyy”. Then I clicked on GCFt.

Well, what can I say. I did enjoy some beauty, but not the type I had initially anticipated. The biggest clickbait in my entire life. JK should be proud of himself.

                                       /as I said - the beauty/

I had already known Troy back then and I known the song’s lyrics so it would not be an underestimation to say - the video just blew my mind. I was like - hold on is this real? seriously?? no really really????? he manage to get away with something THAT obvious?????? dude how

As a person who edited videos AND is not a native English speaker, I don’t buy the explanation “oh he mustve didnt get the lyrics lmao”. You just don’t do that. You don’t. DON’T. You google and translate every shit you don’t understand, every word and idiom you’ve never encountered, because otherwise the possibility of an epic failure is very likely. You wouldn’t want to give your mum a video as a birthday present and then discover that you used a song with WAP-ish lyrics, right? (well maybe that would be okay in your family, I don’t judge, but that’s not the case for people I know). So don’t you dare to degrade JK’s intellectual capacities; such assumption is really offensive. He is a smart boii, he knows exactly what he’s doing in terms of his art.

So I was shocked, but decided to look for the context - maybe I missed some previous events regarding this Tokyo thing (another great idea - always check the context). Well, apparently I didn’t, because the whole narrative with the trip for two, lovely selfies etc. made my poor brain lowkey explode. (I still don’t buy the rings theory thing though)

But I didn’t give up lol! I’m a bit stubborn and it’s very hard to convince me in anything, so I decided to search for more context, more of their interactions, moreeee. Remember, the late October 2018, there were no swan lakes, RB, and even MMA18 hadn’t happened yet. 

This time I ended up watching content in more or less consistent way, and when I saw all of these scenes with affectionate JM and a cool badass i-don’t-care-about-anyone-i’m-a-manly-man-with-no-feelings-whatsoever JK, I just hysterically laughed. 

Homophobic Russia, remember? I recognized this. Growing up here being LGBT myself, taught me the same type behaviour during my high school days. When a girl I kinda liked but didn’t what to admit it to myself was nice to me or (oh god) flirted with me, I did something similar. It’s like a huge panic mode. Being an introvert doesn’t help either. The funniest thing is that you may not entirely realise what exactly is going on in terms of your own feelings, especially at that age (16-18ish). In my personal case, I thought I liked her but as a friend, only later to realise that well not as a friend oops :DDD The second thing (already not so funny) is that you actually consciously or unconsciously try to avoid the subject as much as possible, as long as possible and pretend that nothing is going on. We’re just bros. Stop doing this stupid gayish thing and don’t look at me like that, you’re annoying. If you ever do this again I (gently) kick you. I’m straighter than a straight line in my math textbook. IDK, but probably that’s your brain is somehow trying to protect you. Again, in my case&position I knew that the consequences for any non-straight person being outed would be bad (TW not to the point of being killed bad, but to the point of being excluded from a big part of society). So for me it was a mixture of the internalized homophobia + lack of self reflection + just being a bit emotionally slow + very! straight community around. Shit happens, I was a teenager and made my share of mistakes, but that experience helps me to recognize the same pattern of behaviour up to this day.   

So coming back to KM, because the post is already waaay too long and I just ramble. It’s been 2+ years for me being a part of this fandom, and what can I say... Things become more intense and eventful with every year passing by ;) Funny how I felt that vibe from the 2016 dance practice video. Seeing the Black Swan performance a week ago almost had me choked, no joking. They are amazing.

                                                    Pure Art

However, and I would like to emphasize that, I do not incline that KM are 100% romantically involved and/or gay or whatever. I tend to treat people with respect and not to make too much assumptions about their private life. That’s not my business. However, I’m also not a fan of heteronormativity, so I’m just sitting here and observe everything that’s going on putting some distance and not forgetting being generally polite and critical thinking. But if they are just straightest besties please give them an Oscar before Grammy

Anyways, I hope this blog won’t kick the bucket from the very start and I will post something every now and then. You can always ask me questions about some BTS/Jikook related stuff or something about Russia and a Russian view on mass culture topics, since I’m pretty sure some of you have very stereotypical view of what is going on here :) However, do note that I’ve never been to America or Europe, therefore I may not be aware of something verrrry obvious to you or just have a completely different experience. 

P.S.  And yeah, I’m used to say Jikook, since it’s the name which is used much more frequently in Russian.  i like it better and what will u do haha

[michibikionmain]

seeing a lot of people be critical of the latest arc on the smp and that’s 1000% valid u can have favorite arcs and all that and prefer different writers and all that but... personally? I really didn’t like Will’s writing very much, and really love the writing for the current arcs because it’s all about what creators do with their own characters. When Will was writing it felt very “You are either In the story or Not on the story and there’s no way to change that” which just... didn’t sit well with me? Like i know why he wrote that way but I much prefer the more self-driven arcs that are happening now, like the Bloodvines conflict just... going on and progressing every couple of streams with whoever interacts with the egg and not being tied exclusively to “only affects L’manburgians” and whatever. Like don’t get me wrong, his plots were interesting, but I honestly didn’t care about L’manburg all that much.

Call me a stan/simp/whatever but the way that Dream is keeping things loose so anyone can add themselves anywhere and do their own things is so much more appealing to me as someone who watches multiple perspectives of the SMP rather than just one. It’s more rewarding and makes it worthwhile to tune in to other streams and helps everyone make unique and compelling content. Yes, there are some overarching plots that are stretching on, but that’s not all that’s happening. The reason Dream didn’t tell Techno what’s going on is because Dream isn’t in control of other characters. It’s not just his story, it’s everyone’s story, and they’re all doing their own things right now. His character is literally not even anywhere NEAR the rest of the smp right now, he’s not involved in their stories.

Yeah unpopular opinion I just don't like Will much as a CC or a writer. Not my vibes and I never really cared about his character in the previous arcs because he was almost too writing heavy for me, personally. I like how Dream and Techno use actual minecraft mechanics to progress the story, and keep the audience grounded in the fact that this isn’t just like an anime/tv show using minecraft as a stage, it’s a game with items and features that can be exploited and used in creative ways.

Again, please be critical of media i highly encourage it, and it’s really fun to discuss!! I just feel like my stance on the current arc is not shared by a lot of people and lots of romanticizing for previous plots that really just bored me to death lol

If u wanna have discussions about this... yo dm me or reply or rb or smth id love 2 chat i have many thoughts head FULL

[seance]

jatp as bodies of water

a character analysis based on this gifset.

first of all, a disclaimer: this was just me and @snakebitescar having fun , we perfectly know this is still a kid show and it’s not that deep™ but i, personally, find this type of speculations really interesting. kinda all or nothing, you know? i don’t usually dwell on more superficial hcs because i’m drawn to this kind of symbolism the most. that said we just thought we share, no pressure to rb or anything. i apologize for the small text but this got long i don’t want to spam anyone’s dash too much. 

luke as the ocean

I purposefully chose to use not just any view of the ocean, but a glimpse of a stormy one. What makes it so fitting in my eyes is that the ocean, by its nature, is limitless and unknowable but it’s not deceiving in any way. It’s powerful and overpowering but it appears as it is: vast and full of hidden depths.

Luke’s greatest strength is his energy, his uncompromising passion, his determination, his willingness to risk it all for what he believes in and for the people he loves. He needs to always be in motion, he needs to know he’s moving forward, towards something greater, something that will make every sacrifice and every loss worth it. Behind every gesture, every word, every action there’s something more, something deeper (like a wound that never really closed, an unfathomable regret, a simmering anger sparked by the betrayal of a friend).

He doesn’t really hide who he is or what he thinks but he will always, like the ocean, keep surprising those around him with new aspects of his exuberance, his creativity, his sociability. Just like the ocean, bound by no borders, Luke is free to be everything at once.

reggie as the lake

The lake can be peaceful and embracing or brooding and stagnant. It’s the only body of water that doesn’t flow somewhere, it appears motionless on the surface but in reality it hides dangerous underwater currents, unpredictable whirlpools and often deadly murky terrains.

Lakes represent the need for security, they are places of painful transformations, both cradle and trap. Basing some of our assumption on Luke’s words about Reggie’s less than ideal home-life, the parallel between the lake’s dual nature and how he expresses (or rather suppresses) his emotions came naturally. One of the main differences between Reggie and everyone else is that he’s never confrontational. He always works towards de-escalating the situation, he’s probably used to conceal any negative emotion to not add fuel to the fire, he tends to always follow and never lead.

This doesn’t mean he feels less than everybody else, every now and then those very emotions he tries so hard to control shine through and we see how actually scared he is, how he craves stability and security. He dreads any changes that have to do with the unknown or the possibility of his support system failing (“Do we all still get to hang out together?”) Just like the lake he’s both still and turbulent, constantly edging between relying on what is safe or taking the odd risk.

alex as the river

Alex was maybe the most complex to analyze out of the four of them. I’m a firm believer that anyone is entitled to their own headcanons and their own interpretation of a character but I must admit, I can’t really get behind some fandom takes that systematically reduce Reggie to his goofy side or Alex to his anxiety because as I see it, they both hold so much potential.

Rivers are an indomitable force. They flow for miles, from mountain to sea, sometimes dwindling but never drying up completely. They dig their way forward and they endure. Rivers are symbols of sensitivity and empathy but they can also be forceful and overflowing, almost too much to bear all at once.

Alex is highly emotional, for better or worse that’s what makes him such an interesting character. He’s not just his anxiety but he’s always straightforward about his emotions and his thoughts. Unlike Reggie we often see him question Luke’s opinion, he doesn’t shy away from commenting on the current situation, if he’s feeling anxious or happy or sad or angry he’s open about it, he wants the others to know.

Alex had to hide a big part of his identity for we don’t know how long and that surely played its part in worsening his fears but what we do know is that he had the courage to come out and live his truth, despite the negative outcome. When he decides to do something he pours all of himself into it, he’s proactive, he’s honest (sometimes too honest), he’s afraid of change but still faces it head first.

Just like a river plunges through deep ravines and spreads out over wide planes, he can act as a leading force if needed, making others see things from a different perspective (him talking to Julie about the Patterson, for example). He’s captivating and intense, Willie fell for him deep and fast and vice versa. Alex immediately offered the truest form of himself (his interest and his awkwardness and his anxiety) with no compromise. That’s part of the reason Willie’s betrayal stung so much I believe (“I thought we were having fun together” meaning Alex never thought of acting any differently from who he really is, what he was putting on the table was his raw and flawed self and Willie’s hesitation felt like a rejection).

Just like the river, Alex is committed and open about where he comes from and where he’s going.

julie as the waterfall

While every other body of water is somehow linked to the imaginary of life and death (the ocean gave us life but it can take it back just as easily, the river mythologically represents the boundaries between the two worlds, lakes are the dwelling places of monsters or other insidious creatures) waterfalls are usually seen as magical elements. They’re young, fresh, unafraid and most importantly, alive. They represent the calling for adventure, the restlessness that comes from wanting to always try new things, to explore your own potential.

Julie, above all, is her own character. All her relationships are deeply meaningful but they just add to an already strong identity. She’s energetic and she’s resourceful and she’s strong in the truest sense of the term because she isn’t afraid to hurt or to admit her limits (“I tried for mom, for you, even for me. I’m tired”). Julie is the main engine of the entire narrative because she represents, quite literally, the life force of the band. She doesn’t just go along with their wishes, she finds a balance with the boys and she isn’t afraid to call it quits when her trust is betrayed, she’s their equal in all things and she inspires respect.

Just like the waterfall rushes down perilously from any height, Julie launches herself in the new possibilities the band has to offer, she claws her way out of her grief and she gets involved without sparing herself. She’s eager, she’s passionate and she’s creative and she always has a new input to offer.

[cupofkey]

100 followers WTIYS!

this happened a little bit ago— still, I’d like to reiterate my thanks to everyone who’s supported my writing and ranting! it really means a lot to have this little corner of the internet where we can hang out and chat and have fun, like, I never would have expected this much positive energy from what started off as an idea for an original novel. so lots of love to everyone once again. you make this fandom so amazing!

anyways, I’ve been talking about this for a while: I’m doing a Write This In Your Style contest to celebrate!! the idea was suggested by @mysticalmusicwhispers and I think it’d be really fun. I’m aware I don’t have the biggest audience, but anyone (don’t have to follow me) can participate, and I’m willing to accommodate :)

how this is gonna work:

pick any part of anything I’ve written: it can be a oneshot, it can be a chapter of one of my longfics, it can even be a headcanon post. then put your own spin on it! this can be anything like a continuation of events, a retelling if x was changed, an alternate perspective of the scene, putting different characters into the events of whatever’s happening, something completely different but set in the same au, etc etc. go wild! literally anything I’ve written (fandom wise) is fair game. you can browse the tag “#my hcs” as well as my tag navigation page on my blog for my aus and such. also my ao3 is cupofkey, any of that stuff is perfect.

but yeah make your own spinoff. write fanfic of fanfic. hell, make a headcanon/ideas post where you stick a character into the au. doesn’t even have to be a story. idc, do you tbh, I just want it to be easy for everyone to take this in their own direction, so I’m leaving the criteria very loose... although, a couple solid guidelines (based on my current follower count of 111 lol):

1. your entry needs to be at least 111 words. drabble-like stuff is great for this, and honestly feel free to use 1,111 as an upper limit as well, although that’s not a hard limit, I just want to convey that it doesn’t need to be super long. most of my oneshots are around that length anyway, so!

2. make sure you link/mention what your entry is inspired by! just so I don’t get things too mixed up.

3. I’m tentatively saying this will close on 1/11, although if people need more time or I just feel like stretching it I totally will. I want to give plenty of time for people to participate! and I understand that life can get in the way, so I want to give plenty of space for that.

4. nsfw is fine, just tag it and all that usual etiquette stuff.

5. you can totally post your entries on ao3 or wherever else! on tumblr, make sure you @ me and tag your stuff with #cupofkeywtiys. I will like and rb when I see it :)

in terms of prizes/etc:

I will 1000% leave a long ass comment on every single entry. it’s going to be kind of annoying. I’m sorry in advance but I will just feel so many things about it, and I will absolutely hype you tf up. everyone will get a shoutout and what about it. in terms of winners I’ll pick 3— each one gets a 1,111 word oneshot (exact!) about any characters, ships, plots etc of their choice!

I’m really excited to be doing this and I can’t wait to see what yall do... please feel free to participate regardless of “skill” or “experience”! those are irrelevant here! I’m most interested in your ideas and thoughts... so please chime in :)

reblogs to share this are very much appreciated— and thanks again, I love yall <3

[savnofilter]

Ah if you dont mind, I saw your post and agreed with most the point. Just a few qs! If you dont want to date a trans person because youre uncomfortable with certain genitalia still transphobic? Like a lesbian being uncomfortable with dick but not because the woman is trans? Wouldnt it be bad like characters like Dabi if liking overhaul is so bad? Dabis character is around him being a spiteful murderer?

TW: transphobia and child abuse mention.

a/n: oke just a head warning if i say something thats incorrect PLEASE CORRECT ME. i'd rather be educated than straight up bullied because i didnt know. oh and spoilers?

since im not trans myself so im not really in a place to speak properly on this. i personally believe that its not transphobic because youre not obligated to date someone, whether or not they are trans. i think its important if youre not comfortable that you just keep it to yourself, or respectfully let the other party know. just dont go on and bash them for who they are as a person. (if there is anyone who is trans who would like to put their two cents or correct me, i'd be glad to rb/edit it onto here so people can see!)

well coming from a dabi stan- i think no??? just because theyre both villains doesnt mean that they fall into the same,,, category -- lemme explain. what separates them is the fact that their motives, how and why they do the things that they do. and id also love to know peoples opinions on this part as well? 👀

- the result of dabi becoming a villain was that he had untreated trauma and abuse in a world full of quirks. now, him making a tally of people hes killed to get back at his dad is in no way good or okay. but, i would rather someone not use a child that hes supposed to protect and take care of as a weapon like overhaul does. i think you can also see this when LoV had attacked U.A at the training camp and the recent chapters when he openly shows he holds no interest in hurting or fighting them (the students).

- my thing is with overhaul and endeavor. they have done the same thing to their children (biological or not) that has shown to quite literally scar them permanently for the rest of their life. its the fact that overhaul was supposed to take care of eri and instead took advantage that she was a child to use her own blood for his own personal vendetta against quirks.

its just basically what motivates them and why i cant bring myself to bring or find similarities between the two. theyre both wrong in hurting other people for their "goals", and dabi is still wrong in killing but in my opinion overhaul is worse just because he hurts children. and we've already seen the impact it can do *cough cough* dabi and arguably hawks *cough cough*- and once again, why you like and dislike characters is up to your perspective as well.

[todaydreambelievers]

The Newdie Awards!!

So, now that TDB is winding down - and in honor of the final podcast, I decided to hand out a few awards for all the people who’ve helped me along the way.  It’s a lot like The Office’s Dundie Awards! (only nicer).  

First of all, though, I want to shout a huge thank you to all the people who’ve donated so far to the TDB Pool - to keep the podcast hosted for years to come, so new people can listen, even if we’re not producing new content.  I’m amazed at how much we’ve raised so far.  Thank you so, so much for all your contributions! 

Secondly, a shout out to @seeroftodayandtomorrow - who diligently watched the show every week with me for the last two years.  That’s quite the feat and shouldn’t be discounted.  You guys try doing anything for two years straight! <3 

Thirdly, not sure how many of you realize this but @nikkisrandomthingsfan has been modding @todaydreambelieversfic for years now, and does an amazing job of it.  I can’t thank her enough for taking that over for me - and agreeing to continue to watch over the fic blog even after the main TDB blog ends.  In addition - to all the writers, including those who did the Author Spotlights with us back in the day, and to all the artists and creators out there - I hope you keep on doing your thing.  We’re blessed to have such creative talent in the fandom.  Thank you, thank you <3 

The Newdies!! 

The Matt Rutherford: Not Here but Not Forgotten Award goes to... 

All of my lovely guests who weren’t here in the finale.  I’ve had the pleasure of discussing the show with so many wonderful people - and I’m grateful to all the people who took the time to be on the podcast an share your thoughts.  Thank you for being such wonderful guests <3 

The Blaine Anderson: Biggest Stan Award goes to... 

@thedorkmark   There are plenty of Blaine stans around, but I haven’t met any that have surpassed Izzie’s passion and willingness to die on any hill.  And like Blaine, Izzie’s a sweetheart and a kind soul.  Thank you for bringing such joy and fire to the podcast <3 <3

The Mike Chang: All Around Awesome Award goes to...

@somewhereonlyino​  Like Mike, Lauren’s sometimes quiet, but always brings a fun and warm attitude to the podcast.  Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and being such a team player.  <3 <3  The Tina Cohen-Chang: Don’t Cut Me Off Award goes to...

@carojane​ - I’ve never met a person who stans Tina harder than Carly, someone who shares Tina’s strong will and ability to push through the hard parts with sheer determination.  You’re sweet and sensitive and kind but also won’t back down from a fight.  Thank you so much for everything you’ve shared over the years <3 <3

The Sugar Motta: Sweet’n’Spicy Award goes to... 

@coming-up-rosie​ - Every time Rosie pops on to the podcast, she’s sweet’n’spicy and always knows how to liven up the conversation.  While not around a lot on the podcast, like Sugar, whenever you were on you brought joy and enthusiasm - especially lovely since I kept placing you on such random podcasts.  Thank you so much for your ability to go with the flow and have fun while doing it <3 <3 

The Sam Evans: Always Lending a Helping Hand Award goes to... 

@klaineship2​ Over the years, Carmen has been such a hard worker! She’s done the entire rewatch with me, continues diligently to keep track of fics, and has even translated my and other’s fic into another language for more people to read!! Like Sam, you’re kind and dependable, and great friend who’s always there to jump in and help out.  Thank you so much for everything you’ve done over the years <3 <3 

The Adam Crawford: Cutie Across the Pond Award goes to... 

@perfectanomaly  The thing about Anny is that she’s always coming at me with an unexpected, but welcome, new point of view, and challenging me on how I see the characters.  Like Adam, she’s sweet and friendly (and also European!) and reminds me that these character’s don’t always have to live in the boxes we sometimes place them in.  Thank you so much for keeping me on my toes all these years, and giving me new perspectives to think about <3 <3 

The Santana Lopez: Tell It Like It Is Award goes to...

@honeysucklepink​ - Pink, you’ve been such a firecracker over the years!  Your deep love of music and glee and Darren Criss has driven your passion, and like Santana you’re never afraid to shy away from your opinions, even if they’re different from everyone else’s.  But also like Santana - you care deeply about the things and people are important to you.  Thank you for always bringing your massive knowledge of music and crackling stories to the podcast <3 <3 

The Sue Sylvester: Kicking Down the Fourth Wall Award goes to...

@slayediest​ - No one on the podcast has had an insider view of production quite like Slayediest, so it’s always fascinating to hear your stories about how things probably happened on the show.  But also, like Sue, you don’t really give a shit about all the nonsense going on around you, and think that most of the drama is ridiculous and silly (and it is!) and I really appreciate it about you.  You have a great sense of humor, and are always reminding me to sit back and enjoy the craziness in the world.  Thank you for letting me drag you on all these years, I’ve always valued your input so much <3 <3 

The Marley Rose: Most Precious of Precious Muffins Award goes to...

@sleepdeprivedmind - Connie, hands down, is one of the kindest, most positive, purest people I know.  I’ve never heard her say a bad word about anything, and even tries to bring a positive on some of the most negative subjects (like Will!!, lol)  Like Marley, you have such a big heart and warm soul and radiate joy whenever you come on the podcast. I’m incredibly thankful to call you my friend, thank you so much for all the great conversations we’ve had <3 <3 

The Mercedes Jones: Oh Hell to the No Award goes to...

@black-john-lennon​ - Kay was the first guest I recorded with on the show, and I’m so grateful for that first conversation, because it helped me gain the confidence that this project was something I could accomplish long term!  Kay’s never been one to back down from a fight - but doing so from a place of passion and getting to the heart of the matter.  Like Mercedes, you do have a sassy, won’t-back-down attitude, but I think you also share her vulnerability and big heart, and I don’t think that’s appreciated enough.   Thank you so much for so many fantastic conversations, and becoming someone I can call a good friend <3 <3 

The Emma Pillsbury: The Gingers Always Know Best Award goes to...

@redheadgleek​ - Oh, Julia, so calm and wise in her ways, she’ll always be there to lend a listening ear or be of service in whatever way she can be!  Like Emma - I think you’re smart and on the nose about a lot of things, but also incredibly kind and caring. And, many people may or may not know, the backbone of keeping a lot of fandom things afloat.  (She has every Klaine fic ever stored on a drive somewhere in case the apocalypse happens guys, lol <3)  Thank you for always being so sweet, and listening to me ramble on with an open mind and an open heart <3 <3 

The Kurt Hummel: There Are More Than Four Sides to Me Award goes to...

@kurtmckinnon​ - Kelley helped me redefine what a Kurt Stan could be.  Believe it or not, being a Kurt fan myself, I always shied away from the term - but Kelley’s love and passion for the character, and the show, helped me be secure in my identification of being a Kurt Stan (lol).  But more so, like Kurt, there are far more sides to you and you’ve always come to the podcast with a new perspective and a way of thinking that I might not have been privvy to.  I appreciate so much that you kept challenging how I saw the world.  Thank you so much for being such a huge, positive champion of Kurt, and always pushing me to think outside of the box <3 <3 

The Finn Hudson: The Show’s Gonna Go All Over The Place Aware goes to...

@notthatbea - My dearest Bethany, my goodness where do I even start.  Always there when I needed her, Bethany’s never been afraid to back away no matter what kinda crazy scheme I’ve got going on.  Like Finn, she’s sometimes bumbling along with me (in a good way!) but has a huge heart and always willing to go with it now how matter how crazy and out of control things get.  Thank you so, so much for becoming my good friend, for letting me take you on some of these insane adventures, and solidifying yourself in my heart - so much love <3 <3 

The Brittany Pierce: Special Unicorn Award goes to... 

@slayerkitty​ - No one has a laugh quite like Kitty’s, and it’s a delight to hear it, even when it’s for the most randomest of things.  Like Brittany, she’s a little bit sweet, a little awkward, a little odd, and a whole lot wonderful unicorn - all of it wrapped up in such a delightful way.  I’m sorry I cancelled your contract so many times - know that I couldn’t really imagine doing the podcast without you there.  Thank you so much for your fountain of knowledge, your great sense of humor, and your deep love of all fandom things - you’re unique and wonderful in your own special way, and I appreciate that about you <3 <3 

The Cooper J Anderson Emotional Tornado Award goes to...

@ckerouac​ - I mean is anyone really surprised by this??  RB is the ultimate emotion tornado, swooping in and creating a great time like like none other.  Like Cooper - your enthusiasm never wavers, your energy is inspiring, your sense of fun is endless, and you’re always pointing me (ha) in the right direction, and I’m guessing you probably have really great hair. 

Thank you for the phrase - ‘I wanna lick him nipple to navel’ and your vast knowledge of liquors, and the bangity-bang song, and the 2 out of 3 podcasters joke.  Thank you for jumping in on a podcast as a pinch-hitter even when you didn’t even know what the topic was.  Thank you for all the laughs and the sometimes tears and the driving me crazy but not really.  Thank you for becoming one of my greatest friends - I value your friendship deeply. Just - thank you <3 <3 

And one final thought - Iron Man’s better.  He just is, RB, I mean really ;) 

The Elliott Gilbert: Glitter Rock Vampire Award goes to... 

@snarkyhag​​ - I’m not really sure I have words to express how I feel about the one and only Le Diva Hag.  You are the Glitter Rock Vampire of my world - always there, always helping, always being a life coach and a wonderful friend.  I can’t tell you all the things she’s done for me over the years - because if I did it’d take up another post entirely.  But know that sometimes you come to a fandom just wanting to hang out and enjoy the silly world that is your favorite story, and you walk away finding someone whose become one of your closet friends.  I have nothing but gratefulness for everything she’s brought into my life.  

I love you, Snarky, you are the Elliott to my Kurt, and I promise I’m never saying good-bye to you <3 <3 

and finally...

The Rachel Berry: Greatest Star Award goes to...

YOU!!! 

To all my listeners, and all the people who’ve contributed to TDB over the years, taking polls, giving prompts, writing stories, doing art, joining in on the conversation, or just hitting like or reblog.  This blog has been made special because you were a part of it.  To my real Daydream Believers - thank you for bring such joy to my life and others.  You all are the greatest stars <3  

Congratulations!!! 

[reneeswing]

The Joy, The Ridicule and The Hope

Let's rewind: what are the top three advices that have been given to us about COVID-19 prevention: wash your hand, observe social distance and take care of each other. Does that ring the bell that we have learnt all three things since we are in elementary school, if we are ever lucky enough to go to one.

So, I am going to make a bold statement here: most of the life-long lessons that we need for going through life, we’ve learnt them way before advanced educations, regardless of differences in culture, race and geographic locations. Yet, the sad truth is we only seem to spend the remainder of our time forgetting all we have learnt and all we need to remember to overcome this conundrum. If I dig a bit deeper, my basic education have equiped me with way more useful knowledge than what business school and law school have ever tought me. To name a few, geography helps me to navigate through the continents without being laughed at, history and literature offer me perspectives to see and comprehend everything ever happened in this time and this world. Law school and business school, on the other hand, slowly coop up people into a disillusion of elite class, distancing them from what’s actually going on in this insanely biased reality. Don’t get me wrong, I still believe every opportunity of education matters, it emancipates and liberates generations; and if anything, I have been blessed with all sort of way of thinking, coming from each stage of my school years. It is the monotonous perception on education that sometimes misinterprets or overly simplifies its true essence.

Do anyone begin to appreciate the down time of this quanrantine yet? I am not saying this to trivialize the dismal impact of the pandemic; because both our economic and social lives have taken a major toll from this crisis. For those who are alone in this quarantine, they are craving for human contact, the touch, the hug, all the more basic need of being a human; whereas for those who have a full house with multiple children at home, the working day never ends as it is combined with home schooling. This makes people finally realize that their job is their ultimate refuge. One of my friends started to refer to her kids as fantastic beasts, since the third week of the lockdown. This is, in my opinion, one of the best metaphors of the year. Now, this is what I hope: when all this is over, we will eventually appreciate more of our teachers and other educational workers. for us, it is only with our own kids, whereas at school, kids are ganged up on them. They are entitled to fairer reward and respect from all walks of the society.

Like others, my emotion has gone through various stages: at first, I was fairly content with what I’ve got here, a cozy home, abundant toilet rolls and sufficient supply of alcoholic grape juice. Then some kind of obsession started to develop, the bad kind is to slowly transform healthy self-reflection into self-condemnation for something I have done wrong 2,3,5 years ago. And the more time I spent on my devices, the higher level of anxiety incubated. Then, later on, I decided to have a rather lengthy conversation with myself, the righteous thing that I have ever done: committing to my own feelings, compelling myself away from judgement. I learnt to acknowledge them, more importantly, I searched for language and specific words to label them in all the more precise way. Through that exercise, I realized although they appear similarly, the emotion of anxiety is very different from that of sadness; and the exhileration that I was feeling is also different from excitement. When I found out I was able to distinguish those various emotions in me, I felt stress level has already half way gone, I could call the truce with myself. So, something good does come out from this period. When we are not able to go out, we should allow ourselves to go within.  

There are a lot more silver linings. To my recollection over the past 8 years, I don’t rememer any of the Dutch springs is as beautiful as this one. We’ve had sunny and warm weather throughout the month of April. Everyday, I went onto my balcony, let the light beam through my forehead and inhale the most precious fresh air. It is painful to face it that our continents are receding to isolated islands as all the traffics are shut down, but it is also delightful to find that nature thrives when human society hits the PAUSE button. The blue sky is returned to the birds and their flapping wings; waterways turn purer as no more crazy human running around and emitting pollution into them.  Even panda’s resume consummation. For the last 2,3 years, anthropogenic activities have caused large scale bushfires across north and south hemispheres; it happened even in Syberia above the North Pole. Human society is inflicting pains onto the lung of our Mother Earth. Isn’t it an irony that our respiratory system is succumbed to this coronavirus? I couldn’t help but wonder if this pandemic is the nature’s vengeance onto the arrogance of human race? So, here comes my second wish. One day as we come out of this pandemic, our peaceful moments with the nature will stick around a bit longer. Even though I know that humanity is terrible at reckoning with it own sin, I still wish this time, after all we have endured, we will finally learn to return the favour for our Mother Nature’s altruistic love. That we will be more reflective on our own behaviours, the impact that each of us have made onto anything outside of ourselves. You may say I am a dreamer, but I am definitely not and should not be the only one.

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The world is suffering from its own bipolar disorder. To steer my way clear from the menaces, I rid myself of watching news during the weekends. But one still doesn't make the cut. As for a while, it is the only thing that people couldn't stop talking about: Donald Trump contemplates injecting/ingesting coronavirus patients with disinfectants, until the moment he made the next obnoxious statement. What's even more troubling is there was actually a slight increasing number of ER cases caused by internal administration of chemical solvent. Both New York Times and RB, the producer of Lysol and Dettol, had to make official announcement to talk people out of their desperate craze. One day I woke up and spit out this question: how is it even possibly happening? If B school has ever taught me anything, it is that leadership matters; and I dedicated most of my career contemplating how to be a good (future) leader. But nowadays, we are riding a perfect storm, while sinking down into a chasm called: the scum rises to the top. We are living in a reality that outruns the most ridiculous screenwriting of political drama. Not only have we got Trump assumed the most powerful position in this world, we don't seem capable of appropriating any countermeasures to dampen the damages. Although his strategy is nothing much different from that of a shameless politician: barking up the wrong trees to divert the public's attention further away from criticism against him, the impact however is way too profound to be left alone. He is dividing not only a country, also driving a wedge between friendly countries, when the only hope the world is left with is the hope of solidarity. 

The world is in urgent need of an assertive voice with a kind heart and a pair of potent hands. It cannot be done by one person, rather, has to be a collective conscience of all the human societies. The younger generation does not believe in institutions, they embrace anarchistic believes and have little problem of taking things to its extremity; but in the meantime, they are reasonable, way more objective and fairer than they are being judged or even portrayed. They believe in gender equality, inform themselves of cultural intricacy and they gather to rally for animal rights and climate change. For both reasons, their world needs leaders with integrity and convincing voices. In all appropriate times, we need to learn to be a leader for ourselves and for others. It is up to us how we are going to make our next decision, in giving an opinion, in executing right to vote, in influencing people around us and in doing smallest good deeds to hold onto each other. Here's an example. It is no strange thing to know that our doctors and nurses are working under tremendous physical and mental pressures. We've heard multiple cases in Italy and the US that medical staff committed suicide after virus contraction or nervous breakdown. In almost every country, people are finding ways to demonstrate their gratitude to their guardian angels; however news from India reads that doctors and nurses become target of discrimination, demonising them as virus itself. Similar discriminatory stories surface from time to time around the world against people from other countries or communities because of the pandemic. This shows how far off people could be dangerously biased and misled; the absence of a just and empathetic figure in the leadership attributes to and to a great extent severs the alienation. But we all could and should choose to lead. We can never let our guard down, ignoring any appalling ignorance, even with the slightest carelessness. We need to speak up, protect people who are protecting us and the world's most vulnerable's. We need to do it constantly, consistently and often enough. Bear in mind, our decision and undertaking of today will define our tomorrow in common. 

......

Alright, enough about the grim prospect and grievance. As far as being a hopeless optimist, I will complement my third wish with a faith in humanity after it all. Yesterday, I watched the season finale of Westworld. As Dolores sank down into her memory, she restated: "Some people choose to see the ugliness in this world. The disarray. I choose to see the beauty". I agree with every bit of those words. I believe the key to the sublime lies in ourselves and our conscience. In the end, true bravery is to love the world and humanity, despite the ugliness that we have seen or experienced. 

Before I let you go, I am inviting you to join me in paying tributes to all the essential workers who are risking their lives every day to keep ours running without panics. Next to our lovely doctors and nurses, here's to the infrastructure workers, the train conductors and bus drivers,  the supermarkets' staff, the logistics companies, the mailman, (especially my mailman, who brings me my 1,000 packages to fill the huge void in my soul), the journalists and newsmen, who are running all across the countries, strive to bring us brutal facts, inconvenient truths, disarray and hopes. Collectively you've prevented the world from crumpling, after the mess we made. I thank you for that! 

Please take care and stay healthy!

Love, R

[throughthewwods]

100 Dats of Productivity

Day 18

👕 Finally got that mountain of clothes hung while gabbing with a friend. It’s funny how a task can seem so enormous at moments yet wiz by without much notice when I’m not staring at it

🏃🏻‍♀️ leg was feeling better so I hula hooped for 40 and speed walked/jogged to for 20

📚 Had class on the ABC;s: antecedent, behavior, consequence and Cognitive behavioral therapy. I still think that professors hyper focused on CBT should also be empathizing how gaslighting it can be for persons who are actively experiencing systemic trauma. Someday post-grad that will be my little soapbox.

📚 read an interesting article on good/bad self control, glucose levels dropping for people when they’re pushing through, and how the lowered glucose people were more likely to do self-destructive, impulsive things afterwards. I feel validated for eating candy while I do homework now 😆 activities that require no mental energy were recharging, like folding clothes. I would’ve thought exercise would be a good reset, but apparently not. makes sense I suppose. Exercise also requires self control to keep at it.

🔍 found my remaining articles on student loneliness, discovered a new voice to text writer ✍️ and finished that bibliography that’s been gnawing at my sleep

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Last couple days I have been trying to be more mindful of my anxiety switch. In some regards I’m attempting to do what the article we just read prescribed, which is strengthening my self control muscle through gentle exposure and mental breaks before the frazzle haze then anxiety unto paralysis then.. Netflix heh 😅

I appreciate that RB never griped a bit that my bibliography took longer than I expected. Even though I invited him over at six and there was nothing for him to do, but play on his phone for an hour, he was kind, supportive, and glad to spend time with me when I was finished without any barbs. It means a lot to me. So many of my exes have given me grief about school, scolding , criticism, and been disruptive, even sabotaging. They would be seemingly supportive yet rain negatively on the days that mattered most. oh, you have an exam? I’m going to pick petty, nonsensical fights with you all week so you can’t think straight. It took me years to realize this tantruming was their own insecurities about me getting my life together while they lived excuses.

RB is a secure man who hands his life and goals. He respects my ambitions and actually wants to see me succeed. 🥰

Cuddled up, chatting, I crack blind jokes and he mentions how he was describing me to a friend when my eyes came up. He said that he likes that I’m not like anyone else he’s ever met, finds my blind girl stuff endearing, and appreciates my unique perspective. I haven’t experienced much rejection in dating in my life over my disability, but it’s mainly been a mar they were willing to tolerate given my other desirable qualities.

It’s nice to be loved for who I am and not for what they can get. ❤️