#made this a few years ago

[velvet-vexations]

[iamsuchacrybaby]

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[claypigeonpottery]

can’t sleep, carving instead

[canisalbus]

Building on the favourite animal ask, another Very Important Question: favourite PREHISTORIC animal? And why? (I've always loved gorgonopsids and pterosaurs like anurognathus, but a new favourite is aquilolamma the eagle shark. They're just very cute).

I feel like my top favorites are pretty pedestrian, but I like prehistoric deer a lot!

Megaloceros giganteus aka Irish elk

Sinomegaceros ordosianus & Sinomegaceros yabei

Eucladoceros dicranios

Cervalces scotti

[arsuf]

Being a content creator and watching your stuff get nothing but likes these days

[expelliarmus]

[gayjokes]

huge day for football fans

[inkskinned]

it mattered because when my brother asked me what if this is the happiest you'll ever be? the best you'll ever get? the thing i felt was fear, not peace. everybody thought you were so perfect for me. even i thought you were "helping me grow". i had to challenge every internal clock. make myself more thoughtful, more kind, more beautiful.

i told my therapist it was good because i like the changes i made and there's something so strong about saying i did that. the problem is that i can like the difference all i want, but i changed for you. something akin to getting your name tattooed, all my progress is stamped with fuck you.

it was the happiest i'd ever been and also the best i'd ever gotten. i would still get in the car and think what the fuck just happened.

[theroseinthedarkness]

Northanger Abbey (2007)

 dir. Jon Jones 

[belas-undead]

if theres one thing about joey richter is he's gonna put on a funny lil accent, stand on top of a staircase, and do an anti government monologue at curt mega who's playing a character that works for the us government (also silicon)

[harritudur]

the s*xy eddissy piece i promised, and it is for this part from my “summer 1986 headcanons”, the night they share before she leaves for college :

they lie in the back of his van, the moon high in the sky, reflecting on the lake, and they talk again. projects. hopes. wishes. them. they made love, slowly at first, memorizing every line, exploring each other’s body with fingers and lips and words of adoration. and then, that urge and animal need she didn’t know existed before Eddie, takes over. she moans shamelessly, loud, for there is only them in this forest, and Eddie groans low, face burried in the crook of her neck, breathing in her comforting scent...

note: so of course, the AU where everybody lives! and again ~~artistic licence for his tattoos bc i bet he had A LOT MORE than what we saw hehe

[haveyoueatenthis]

[lover-of-mine]

No, but this is definitely my most controversial opinion, but the whole thing with Buck and Eddie being the same age comes back to the fact that they are mirrors of each other. Down to the tattoos with mirrored placement, yes, but like, narratively speaking too. They've been running parallel to each other their whole lives and them being the same age makes that even more intense. Eddie had to grow up too fast and Buck didn't have to grow up at all. Eddie was forced to take care of more than he could and Buck was never allowed to care as much as he wanted. Both of them ran because their lives were overwhelming. Buck gives Eddie the tools to slow down for the first time in years while Eddie gives Buck something he's allowed to care about. They're two sides of the same coin. They complement each other. They're each other's missing piece. And that's so much better when they're the same age.

[skiitter]

I'm noticing an interesting trend regarding Astarion and his fandom characterization. Let me preface this by saying I know how damaging trauma can be and I know how difficult it is to unlearn those things. That being said, I feel like there is this habit of equating Astarion being an asshole with the trauma he went through at Cazador's hand. And like, fundamentally Astarion is a selfish person, not necessarily a cruel one, but his selfishness does often lend itself to cruelty. This is especially obvious in Act 3 when, even after you've done his full quest-line, even if you've gone the "good" route, he still disapproves of kind actions. Like helping the clothing shopkeeper whose literally in the process of being murdered by that weird serial killer dwarf. One could argue it's a discrepancy between the cut-scene conversations and the gamplay at large but lbr that's not the way fandom tends to view things. An argument could be made that he has two centuries of damage to heal, but I think it is also just as likely that Astarion is an asshole. Like, fundamentally just kind of a dick. Lord knows villains get woobified at the drop of a hat, and I'm sure he will inevitably will be, but this strange justification of his behavior bothers me. He's still just as a valid as a victim of Cazador if he's not a kind person. His selfishness feels very baked in, very intentional and honest. He can be both, ya know? He can be traumatized and in need of therapy/healing, and he can also be aware that his actions are selfish enough that they frequently come off as cruel.

[dinxie]

first day on the road