#man the one thing i remember not loving on here is the post quality sobs

[xweetok]

a dissection of King of the Hill Season 4, Episode 1 - Peggy Hill: The Decline and Fall and why it made me feel insane

this episode was so insanely dark & miserable i need to pick it apart and just talk about it or i will never be normal again!

i will now post most of the script with my thoughts added in. some parts were deleted for "brevity" (this is still a longass post i'm sorry)

[Grave instrumental music]

Peggy?

[Hank exclaiming]

l think my wife.... l think, might be dead.

l'll be right back.

[Luanne screams]

the man thinks his wife is dead which is kinda sad but Luanne is so funny in this ep lol

[Dramatic instrumental music]

[Hank grunting]

HANK: Peggy!

BOBBY: Dangit. Didi. Push!

MEDICAL STAFF: lt's okay, son. The baby's here.

-He's beautiful. -What's his name?

MEDICAL STAFF: Here you go Daddy. To cut the umbilical cord.

kinda messed up that they think Bobby is the dad......hes like 12......... but ok

BOBBY: [Softly] Oh. My uncle.

Hank: Peggy?

[Peggy gasping]

[Gasps]

LUANNE: Aunt Peggy?

[Sobbing]

No!

[Gasps]

luanne haters suck my dick she's so silly i love her

[Somber instrumental music]

Hank: Okay (seeing Peggy from afar, on the ground). Think one piece. Peggy?

Peggy: [Weakly] Hey, hey, hey.

Hank: God! You're all smashed up. Peggy: -l'm alive.

Luanne: Uncle Hank, we're too late.

TV ANNOUNCER: Aikman takes the snap, a quick pass over the middle to Smith,,,the 20, the 10, Emmitt Smith scores! HANK: Yes!

DOCTOR: Hank Hill? HANK: l wasn't watching.

Just for a second.

l have no idea what the score is. l couldn't tell you.

wait why did he lose interest in his wife's condition..................actually nvm we all deserve a lil stress free moment when experiencing tragedies right?

DR: Your wife is gonna be just fine. Hank: Yes!

DR: Peggy has a compression fracture of the bones in her back.

Thank goodness for the mud.

She would not have survived if she had fallen on concrete...

or a fence.

HANK: But she's okay?

DR: Yes. They're putting her into a body cast to immobilize her while she heals.

HANK: What color is the cast? DR: What does that matter, Mr. Hill?

HANK: l don't know. l've never been through this before.

l'm just trying to ask the right questions.

DR: lt's white. Sponge bath. Bedpan. HANK: -Thank you.

that was a good scene i liked that

[Peggy humming]

-Peggy? -Hank. Come on in.

Look at me. l'm in an ensemble.

My top cast and my bottom cast match.

[Both chuckle]

Yeah. Quality plaster.

[Luanne comes in, immediately leaves sobbing hysterically]

the voice acting is just so good in these

PEGGY: l'm guessing that was Luanne.

l wish she wouldn't feel sorry for me when l feel so terrific for me.

l have had a near-death experience. Most people never get that,,,

except when it's next to their death experience. Then they can't appreciate it.

You know what's odd? The last thing l remember was deciding not to jump. What or who would have made me change my mind?

HANK: (Lying) l'm not sure. l don't know. l wasn't in the plane. l was on the ground, remember? l'm the one who found you.

gaslight girlboss gatekeep

-Mom? -Bobby?

-You really fell out of a plane? -Yes, sir. l did.

HANK: Your mom is one of only 16 people who have survived parachutes not opening.

PEGGY: Now, 16 is my estimate. l'll double-check my numbers later.

[Luanne walks in]

LUANNE: l'm sorry about before. l don't know what came over me.

[Starts sobbing]

Oh, God!

[Luanne runs out]

another great luanne moment. W for luanne fans.

[Cotton comes in]

COTTON: What did you do to your wife? l didn't teach you that.

cotton sucks i hate cotton. even when he's speaking up against spousal abuse.

[Door creaking open]

Where's my new dependent? l'm supposed to look at it.

cotton yikes #1

DIDI: Where did l put.... There it is.

BOBBY: Uncle, l present you to your father.

COTTON: Look at him. His shins are perfect. [Cooing] Look at you. You're a handsome little soldier. You wanna kill a Nazi? A Nazi, Nazi-scrazzi.

weird way to talk to a baby. cotton yikes #2

[Cooing]

COTTON: Didi, did you name this baby yet? DlDl: What's the use?

she literally looks so sad... this is where it starts bumming me out a lil

COTTON: l'm calling him Hank. l always wanted a boy named Hank.

HANK: Dad, Hank is my name.

COTTON: Not anymore. l'm taking it back. He's Hank.

HANK: You can't take away a grown man's name.

COTTON: All right. l'll call him G.H. Good Hank.

this was unhinged too but way funnier than the other stuff

COTTON: Did you see the way my boy looked at that nurse?

Practically slapped her rump then and there.

nvm i'm back to hating cotton. cotton yikes #3

[Thunder cracking]

[Ominous instrumental music. Hank is having a nightmare.]

BAD HANK: Peggy, you've gotta do it. lt's amazing. lt's the best dang feeling in the world.

evil hank >:)

NURSE: There we go. Okay. Now you try.

COTTON: We'll see about all this.

Okay. (Putting a diaper on the baby) Put this little nipper in here, tuck this little nipper in there.

Close up shop. There. Ready for soiling.

What the.... The kid is leaking out of his chest!

NURSE: That's from his nipples. lt's a form of lactation.

COTTON: Dangit. You said it was a boy.

NURSE: He is. He's simply been ingesting a lot of female hormones from his mother. lt's so common it has a name. Witch's milk.

COTTON: Lord! What did l do? Was it the 50 men l killed?

bro is abandoning his literal newborn bc he's anti-science. cotton yikes #4

PEGGY: The maternity ward ceiling. lt reminds me of when my son was born.

PEGGY: And l am also reminded of when my next child will be born. Why isn't the baby with his mother? NURSE: Didi Hill has postpartum depression. She couldn't even gather up the strength to put on some lipstick.

And she looks awful.

UM??????? it's giving HIPAA violation. also she has POSRPARTUM DEPRESSION. that was simply..not nice

COTTON: You did this to my son. There's no milk coming out of these (groping his bare chest, shirtless)

cotton verbally abusing his depressed wife. this guy is the WORST. yikes #5

PEGGY: Cotton, stop it. You should be comforting her. COTTON: Comfort her? Comfort me.

😒

NURSE: Mr. Hill, your insurance company's automated voice says you have to leave the hospital today, in 85 minutes.

COTTON: But l can't take care of a dripping witch-child. Can't we just stay hospitaling until Didi gets her brains back?

NURSE: [Laughing] Maybe if you were the richest man in America.

lots to unpack here. america's failure of a medical system. cotton being a dick about his lactating newborn, unsympathetic abt didi's condition - but at least advocating for a longer hospital stay isn't a bad idea...................BUT THEN WHY DID THE NURSE LAUGH AT HIM LOL she doesn't care abt people

DR: You and your wife and those flowers are going home today.

HANK: Yeah. But Peggy's got a broken back.

DR: l know. l told you that. But she wants to be discharged.

l'm not so worried about her back. l'm worried about her emotional state.

HANK: Yeah. But she seems so happy.

DR: Once the thrill of surviving wears off...and it does, trust me, Jetski, July '94...she may experience a second crash when she feels her own limitations.

HANK: There won't be any second crash. As long as l'm around, l won't let her feel any limitations.

DR: There's no need for you to feel this guilty. You didn't make her jump.

HANK: Yeah. Do you think you could put that on her chart?

sus hank with 0 emotional intelligence. unsurprising tho.

HANK: Peggy, l'm here. PEGGY: Hey! We're going home today.

l have packed myself up without any help from the nurses,

this was sad to me idk she's so delusional

[Hank sighs]

HANK: Are you sure you're ready? PEGGY: Honey, ready or not, l have got to go.

l invited Cotton and Didi and the baby to stay with me...until they can take care of him on their own.

HANK: You think you can help them take care of a baby?

PEGGY: lf that poor farm boy, whose arms were ripped off by a thresher...could dial 91 1 with his nose...then l think Peggy Hill can take care of that baby.

like, you obvs can tell she's gonna break soon. kind of a bummer.

HANK: (Unloading Peggy from the ambulance into the neighborhood) Back off. Back off, everybody.

Everybody.

(They bump Peggy into the doorframe when wheeling her inside the house)

HANK: That's our fault, Peggy, not your fault.

PEGGY: Try the back door. lt'll fit.

[Balloon pops. They keep bumping Peggy into the sliding door walls.)]

PEGGY: Am l in a very wide bed?

HANK: Maybe we can get her in at an angle. Come on, guys. All right. On three.

BOOMHAUER: lf you lift on three, you mean one, two, dang ol' three and then go...or do you kind of, like, lift her on three?

HANK: Just lift now, okay?

HANK: Now.

HANK: Tilt towards me. No. Toward....

HANK: Fine. Away from me.

peggy looks really uncomfortable in this scene 🥲

[All grunting]

BlLL: Hi, Peggy. PEGGY: Hello, Bill.

DALE: l think a ''thank you'' would be in order.

HANK: Dale, get the hell out of here.

this was so unhinged i love dale

(Minh, Nancy, & Peggy inside the house)

MINH: Cast make you look good for Peggy Hill. Like you mummy, museum piece, but with attitude. Mummy for the '90s.

NANCY: Sug', you ain't helping.

(to Peggy) People spend hundreds of dollars at a spa to get wrapped up like that.

PEGGY: Yes. lt's very refreshing.

NANCY: l just can't believe your attitude. Who would have thought?

Didi's depressed and you're not.

LIKE..........the neighbor's don't have any sympathy for didi either??? THEYRE SO MEAN??

[Car horn honking]

The baby's here. [NANCY & MINGH leave)

PEGGY: Good. The baby's here. Okay. Minh, make sure Didi puts a hat on him. Nancy, you make sure he takes it off when he gets inside the house.

peggy's just talking to herself until she realizes her friends have LEFT and its????? SO QUIET??? LIKE, THIS IS SO SAD WTF

[Scene with Peggy and Hank]

PEGGY: l feel so stupid for jumping. lt wasn't worth this. Why did l do it? Do you remember? This is really bugging me. [...] Wait, wait, wait. l just remembered something. On the plane, l was talking to you on a phone, Do planes have phones?

HANK: That's a good one. l'll look into that.

PEGGY: No. l remember now. l was talking to you. But what did we say?

HANK: lt sounds familiar. But with all the noise from the engines...and then you falling and all, l'm not sure we'll ever know.

PEGGY: Please, Hank. You are gonna have to be my memory...because l don't have one anymore.

HANK: Deal.

like i get that hank is feeling guilty and it's like hahaha funny but...................................gaslighter 😒

OK THIS NEXT SCENE IS LIKE. THE WORST ONE. LIKE, ITS SO LEGITIMATELY AWFUL FOR HUMANITY

HANK: You don't have to yell. We can hear you just fine through the baby monitor.

PEGGY: Why am l being fed with a bottle? HANK: We're out of straws.

PEGGY: l do not want to be fed with a bottle.

HANK: lt's just easier, okay? Please?

and then he like...PUTS THE BOTTLE IN HER MOUTH. like i'm SORRY to be a joykill but that's literally so dehumanizing & wrong?? THE WOMAN WAS IN A HORRIBLE ACCIDENT you could at least treat her like a person & LISTEN TO HER. she is uncomfortable & in pain!!!!!!!

PEGGY: (drinking the bottle) What is that?

HANK: lt should be Carnation lnstant Breakfast.

PEGGY: lt tastes like formula.

HANK: (at Bobby, chuckling) You took Peggy's bottle, and l took the baby's bottle? Now, that's funny.

also bobby is the one taking care of the baby and he is EXHAUSTED. literally child neglect for both kids idk what to tell you...

PEGGY: (being wiped with a baby wipe) What are you doing? Look, l do not want a bottle, okay?

HANK: Shhh.

PEGGY: l'm not hungry. HANK: Shhh.

PEGGY: l want eggs. HANK: Shhh.

[Peggy crying]

[Peggy and baby crying]

at this point they have stopped listening to peggy entirely. so much that she breaks down crying!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the woman is deadass psychologically broken or something!!!!!! i found this uncomfortable to watch

BOBBY: Maybe Mom just needs to burp.

HANK: Bobby, could you give us a moment?

(to Peggy) What's wrong?

"WHAT'S WRONG"??????? I WONDER???????????????????? BITCH HAS NO EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

PEGGY: [Sobbing] My life is ruined. l had to jump out of a plane for our anniversary. l'm sorry, Hank. l ruined both of our lives.

[Peggy sobbing hysterically]

HANK: Okay. Look. lt wasn't your fault. lt was my fault.

hank confesses to his evil sins of hyping up sky diving. peggy says the real reason she jumped is bc she's jealous of didi & cotton for having a baby.

PEGGY: Do you know what torture that is? l was once one of the finest mothers in the state of Texas... and now l can't even wipe a baby. And l have to watch those two, Cotton and Stupid...with their beautiful new baby that they don't even want.

[Sobbing]

DIDI HAS POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION, A LEGITIMATE MEDICAL CONDITION THAT CAN ACTUALLY BE FATAL TO BOTH NEW MOTHERS AND THEIR BABIES!!!!!!!!!! AND COTTON IS LITERALLY VERBALLY ABUSIVE!!!!!!! EVERYONE IS BEING SO MEAN ABOUT IT LIKE IF SHE CHOSE THIS!!!!! IM GOING INSANE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PEGGY: What are you smiling about? HANK: lt wasn't my fault. lt's just such a load off my mind. l feel lighter than air.

l mean, l feel bad in a new way, for you...because what you were just saying. That stuff.

IM GONNA KILL THIS BITCH HANK WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH UUUUUUUUUUUUU

PEGGY: Just leave me alone, okay?

HANK: You just want me to leave? PEGGY: Yes.

HANK: So the right thing for me to do is leave, even though you're crying.

PEGGY: Go.

HANK: l'm skeptical, but okay.

at this point i start wondering if hank is neurodivergent & a minor. jk jk this part was funny

[Bobby signing to the baby, exhausted]

COTTON: Bobby, since you're doing all the woman's work around here...be a woman and get me my shin jelly.

BOBBY: G.H. kind of needs me right now. COTTON: So, take him along.Just get the jelly and lather me up.

child abuse, neglect, sexism, etc etc but the biggest crime is making me look at cotton again. LESS COTTON, MORE LUANNE!

DIDI: Bobby, Could you buy me some lottery tickets?

BOBBY: [Screaming] l am a 12-year-old boy. l am this child's nephew. l cannot do this. l cannot do this! [Gives Didi the baby] lf anybody makes any dinner, l'll eat. But that's it. All l'll do is eat!

not gonna say bobby was in the wrong for screaming at didi, since he is just a child & should NOT have been doing any of these things, but DAMN DID THEY REALLY HAVE TO PUT DOWN DIDI EVEN MORE????!?!??

[Baby crying]

DIDI: Baby, stop crying. l.... Oh....l'm tired. [She walks over to Peggy, put the baby on her bed, and leaves]

PEGGY: Didi, are you leaving? No, please. Someone has to watch the baby. Because unless it's flying above my head, l cannot do it,

All right, Help! Will somebody come,,,, Hank!

What? What's wrong?

HANK: l shouldn't have left, right? l had a feeling....

PEGGY: The baby. HANK: Yeah?

PEGGY: lt's crying. HANK: lt's always crying. The baby hasn't stopped crying since it got here.

PEGGY: Just do something!

hank's emotional intelligence is so low that he literally didn't even think there was anything abnormal about a baby that cries 24/7. GUYS, IF UR BABY IS CRYING ALL THE TIME, IT COULD BE IN PAIN OR DYING OR SOMETHING. DON'T BE LIKE HANK.

HANK: [Goes to Cotton] All right. l've had enough, Dad. There's a baby crying in the house.

COTTON: Go fix it. HANK: You go fix it.

COTTON: l ain't getting near that child. He's possessed.

HANK: He's just leaking a little milk. Sure, it's disturbing, but he'll grow out of it.

COTTON: How do you know? Are you a leaker? Are you leaking on me right now, Leaky?

cotton literally does not want this child. child neglect, abandonment. JAIL JAIL JAIL. wait i forgot the cotton yikes counter. what number were we on???????

HANK: You hear that, that silence?

COTTON: G.H. HANK: Something's wrong.

[Dramatic instrumental music. They run back to the room with Peggy and GH]

[Both gasp]

[Baby cooing. Peggy is rocking GH with her toe]

[Gentle instrumental music]

PEGGY: Isn't it amazing? It's the greatest dang feeling in the world.

[Theme music]

everything is ok now because peggy has proven that she is able to serve, hence she has worth again!! the neglect isn't relevant anymore!!! who cares that she was gaslit & manipulated & treated like garbage throughout the whole episode!!!! no one had any genuine care about her health after an almost fatal accident but that's fine!!!!! FUCK DIDI SHE HAS DEPRESSION!!!!

anyway that was a Not Very Nice episode in terms of human decency. the script alone doesn't really capture how heavy it felt; there was lots of ill-fitting music over the scenes that i found disturbing, it was wild! there were some good parts tho. i'm not sure if the writers just hate women with depression, or if it was all intentionally written as an absurdist portrayal of genuine human misery, like an existentialist play. regardless of intent, it was MASTERFUL as the latter. it was a piece of media written with no shred of emotional empathy towards the suffering of its cast. hbo can recreate this episode with the same script & create something incredibly gritty & dark.

anyway 4/10 needed more luanne

[glasscitadel]

Kicking merMay off right with an angel inspired babe <3

[bellesowl]

tell me you love me

- multiple characters

⤷ sakusa, atsumu, ushijima, kuroo

genre: fluff ; established relationships

synopsis: haikyuu boys and their love languages

word count: 1.5k total <3

warnings: very very small mention of bullies and season 4 spoilers in atsumu’s, i curse a lil

- a/n: one last fluff hc before february ends! i just wanted to do something short & sweet but then it evolved into this as always atsumu’s is too long. oh and ai (@/ luvnami) has a post very similar to tsumu’s so make sure to check it out too! kuroo’s is a sort of prequel to this post too. finally, are we surprised at my choice of characters to write at this point?

- sakusa kiyoomi

his love language is physical touch

PHEWW i know y’all weren’t expecting this

but let me explain myself

i abhor the fact that people think sakusa would detest touching his partner & that he wouldn’t act completely touch starved

so obviously, even getting him to talk to you was a whole quest and a half in and of itself but once he gets comfortable around you?

especially enough that he willingly spends time with you as your boyfriend?

you cannot tell me this man wouldn’t be completely cuddled up to you 24/7

“kiyooo” you sigh, “baby, you have practice right?”

he shakes his head, trying to trick you into spending more time with him, but by now you have his practice schedule memorized.

“c’mon, c’mon, up we go” you gently shove him off you and he pouts, “as much as i would love to stay like this forever, we both know you can’t be late to practice- especially with nationals right around the corner.” you grab his hand and lead him towards the gym.

“well maybe if you became a manager like i suggested, i would be more inclined to go to practice because i wouldn’t have to choose between my favorite things- you and volleyball.” he says with a pointed look in your direction.

you both stop in front of the gym and turn to face each other. “maybe if you do well enough at nationals, you might come back next year with a new manager, huh?” you unhook his mask and give him a slight peck. “i’ll see you tomorrow, okay babe?”

he pulls you in for a slightly longer kiss, “i was thinking more like tonight after practice, okay my love?”

you nod and shove him into the gym, where the smile on his face fades back into his signature scowl. you laugh slightly, he never will change, will he?

- miya atsumu

his love language is words of affirmation

i think this one was pretty obvious, but along with this is definitely physical touch

i mean we all know that tsumu is known for being clingy as hell but it’s cute so it’s fine

but words of affirmation- like we saw in s4, he was constantly left out, tbh borderline bullied by the other kids

sure, he always acted like it didn’t matter but that hurts, especially in middle school.

so having someone tell him they love him, that he’s great & all (at something other than volleyball), and that he’s enough? he’ll follow you to the moon and back.

as karasuno’s cheering section continues to roar with delight and the crows are on the brink of tears on the court, you can’t seem to take your eyes off a certain setter. you watch as he stands there, almost in denial. come on tsumu, you’re fine love, you think, silently cheering him on. you watch as he says something to the karasuno duo, and you smile slightly when he begins to argue with his brother.

as they line up, you stay a moment to make sure the goddamn cheering squad doesn’t say anything rude to the team who just poured their hearts out on that court. satisfied with their applause, you make your way down to the court. you wait for them to finish their team meeting before approaching your boyfriend.

“tsumu!” you yell, hoping to grab his attention. his head whips toward you and his smile widens.

“baby!!! you came!” he runs up to you with a grin but you realize his eyes aren’t lighting up the way they usually do.

“of course i did,” you scoff, “you think i’d miss this?” you grab his arm and drag him over to kita. “kita-san, i hope you don’t mind me stealing atsumu for the rest of the day?” he shakes his head and waves you off. your eyes lock for a single moment, but you receive the message loud and clear. take care of him, will you? you nod slightly before dragging your boyfriend out of the stadium.

the drive to your hotel was silent, the music keeping it from becoming awkward. the walk to your hotel room was slightly worse. you finally enter and force him to sit on the bed.

“babe, i- what?” he asks, confused and slightly flustered.

“nothing like that you idiot.” you slap him lightly on the head. “just wanna talk ‘s all.”

he avoids your gaze but you grab his chin, forcing him to look you in the eyes. “hey” you smile, “how do you feel, my love?”

by this point, he looks to be on the verge of tears. you pull him into your chest and he finally breaks down.

“you deserve so much better than a loser like me, doll. much much better than someone who practices all day and all night and still couldn’t manage to bring his team past their first day- a complete and utter failure.” he sobs lightly. you shush him and run your hands through his hair.

“ ‘mu, you know you’re so much more than that, right?” you ask softly. he opens his mouth to interrupt but you continue, “you have a natural talent for this sport, and a drive and ambition unlike anyone i know. you’re the absolute best boyfriend, and a good brother. you’ve learned to care for your teammates, and they’ve learned to love you for you, not just your skills. you’ve grown so much as a person that no one can call you a failure- ever. and if they do, send them to me.” you crack your knuckles and finish with a wink.

he chuckled lightly and pulls away from you. “i love ya, you know? i really don’t know what i did to be able to get a partner as perfect as you.” he ends with a kiss.

- ushijima wakatoshi

his love language is gifts

okay his is specifically giving gifts

not even extravagant gifts, just small knickknacks he sees that reminds him of u

he knows he isn’t the best with his words, so he tries to make up for it with these trinkets

you enter the gym and your eyes immediately lock on your boyfriend. you see tendou nudge him and point over in your direction, and you smile at the way his eyes soften. you walk over to the bench and give him a small kiss.

“hey toshi” you say with a smile, “i hope you don’t mind me coming over to watch you.”

“of course not, my love. your presence is a very welcome distraction” he answers, his eyes lighting up as he remembered something, “actually, it is very convenient timing.”

he pulls something out of his bag and hands it to you. he watches the way your eyes light up at the keychain and explains, “i remembered that you wanted something for us to match,” he pulls out a matching keychain, the lighter side of the yin and yang symbol, “so i got us this. i assumed you would want the darker side? unless i assumed wrong and you wish to switch?”

you kiss him once more, “it’s perfect, tosh, thank you.” you reply with a bright smile, the joy in your eyes evident. you kiss him a final time before gently nudging him back to the court, “i’ll be here, miracle boy.” you say, amusement and love shining in your eyes.

as wakatoshi walks back toward his best friend, he realizes that he’d do anything to make sure you look at him like that for the rest of your lives.

- kuroo tetsurou

his love language is quality time

okay so i hc kuroo as someone who wants to be with you 24/7

like while doing hw he would be facetiming you, walks you to classes, wants you to watch practice & brings you home after, etc.

he does this because it makes him feel like he’s knowing everything there is to know about you. he wants to understand each and every side to you cause he knows it will only make him love you more.

“babyyy” kuroo whined, “are you done yet?”

you sighed and answered, “like the last 5 times you asked, no. if you want to go to the party that bad, then you can go ahead. i’ll try to catch up.”

he scoffed, “and have to suffer without you? no thanks.”

“they’re your friends.” you deadpanned, irritation evident in your eyes.

“okay, but you’re much more interesting- easier on the eyes too.” he winked, “and besides, i’m going to have to stare at their ugly faces for a week.”

“and you’ll miss me” you chimed in.

he nodded, “and i’ll miss you. which is why you should just come with me to the training camp. just, i don’t know, pretend to be a manager? please?” he pleaded.

“you’ll be fine without me for a week, you idiot.” you sighed, rolling your eyes.

“it will be a week of hell.” he stated, “which is why i want to spend as much time as i can with you before i have to leave. and if that means sitting here while you do your homework, then so be it.”

[rommahh]

I Carry Your Heart

Harry Styles x Reader

Word Count: 4k

{Ahhhh ok so this is my first work like ever. There will definitely be a second part because ive got more to say and it needs a second part. I hope whoever sees and reads this imagine enjoys it. I appreciate comments, likes, reblogs, ideas on what could go into the story, and any form of help and redirection as to how i should write things. Much love, R.}.

Part two

All Y/N wanted tonight was to hang out with her boyfriend, eat a mass amount of junk food, and watch a marvel movie or two. That was all she wanted and that was all she asked of her boyfriend. Instead of any of that happening, she found herself sitting on the nasty kitchen island of her boyfriend's frat at a party that she was trying to avoid going to.

This party was supposedly ‘the party of the year.’ The last rager before finals and then christmas break. Y/N had spent the whole week studying and finishing up end of semester projects hence the want for a chill night. When Harry came to her saying his frat was throwing a party tonight and that he just HAD to be here, Y/N didn't feel like she had a choice but to let him go. She came because she thought this would be the only time she would be able to have some time with Harry after a long week of barely seeing each other. With two vastly different majors, the couple wasnt able to find a lot of time in the middle of school work to make time for just the two of them. Obviously her hopes of quality time with her man were futile because here she was sitting by herself in the kitchen of the frat while Harry drank and got high with his friends in other parts of the house.

Of course she was disappointed. She felt a knot in her throat and a weight on her chest just sitting there in that kitchen. Her white claw was warm now- not that it was any cold when she opened it. She was starting to form a small headache from the too loud music and the ache in her heart was growing.

She stood from the countertop on the search for her boyfriend, hoping he wasn't too far gone from sober. Wiping the back of her jeans from anything that was left on the island, she began walking around the house. She doesn't remember the last time the two of them spent time together by themselves. Of course they occasionally ate dinner together in the dining hall but they were normally surrounded by friends. Y/N wanted to be alone with her boyfriend to talk and bask in his presence.

After pushing through groups of partying humans, she found Harry and at least ten other people sitting around playing some sort of drinking game.

“Y/N! Where have you been?” Luca, one of Harry's frat brothers yelled out to her from the circle. Luca was cool, he was one of the only tolerable boys in this frat aside from Harry. Hearing his girlfriend's name, Harry turned around from where he sat on the ground and reached out for his girlfriend to sit beside him. Much to Y/N’s dismay, Harry was wasted. His eyes were half mass and his words bumped and slurred together. “We are playing truth or dare, wanna play?” Luca asked.

“I don't wanna play but Ill sit and watch.” Sitting next to her boyfriend, she grabbed one of his hands holding it in her lap. She was annoyed at him but it did her no good to show it when he was this drunk.

This game of truth or dare was childish. Dares of licking people's shoes and taking multiple shots had been done and truths about money and relationships were being spilled among the group. It had finally become Harry’s turn to do something, making Y/N tense.

“Ok Harry, I dare you to…” One drunk frat boy started looking around the room trying to come up with something clever. His eyes landed on a pretty girl in the room, Yara, a stuck up girl who for sure got her way no matter what. “I dare you to kiss the hottest girl in the room- obviously not your girlfriend because that defeats the purpose.” The frat boy smirked knowing what his intentions were. Everyone in the group giggles and gasped shocked by the dare but ready to see what was going to go down. Y/N’s brows furrowed as she became angry with the stupid dare.

The ache in her chest seemed to tip over the edge when she felt her boyfriend in the room move to stand up. She grabbed at the bottom of his shirt as a way of stopping him. Harry halted his movements to look down at his girlfriend. He giggled a little.

“You’re not actually going to do this right?” She asked Harry with wide eyes of shock. Harry laughed at her like she made a joke, making her heart hurt even more.”Harry I do not want you to do this just take the shot and lose the dare.” Her tone held warning.

“Don't be silly of course I'm going to. It's just a dare, nothing serious. Don't be so clingy.” He stood walking over to Yara and planted a wet kiss on her mouth. Yara gripped Harry’s shirt and kissed him harder. The kiss went on for a few more seconds, the room absolutely silent out of shock. Harry stepped back from Yara slightly sobering up from his actions. Yara smirked at Y/N, hand gliding down the front of Harry's shirt.

Y/N stood from the seat she was in and scoffed. Scoffed because she should've known Harry would do something like this. Scoffed because it hurt to see her boyfriend do something so careless without any regard for his girl's feelings. She pulled herself together, feeling her throat tighten once again. She was quick to leave the room and down the hall of the frat.

Harry's clumsy steps could be heard from behind her as he mumbled her name. Or at least he tried to. He was still so out of it, his words not making much sense. Y/N was crying now, the strength that she had slowly dissolving as she walked further away from her boyfriend.

“Y/N wait. P-please wait. I cant-” Harry stumbled over his legs behind her falling into the grass of the front yard. The girl couldn't help but turn around looking at her stupid boyfriend. She was choking on sobs now. She wasn't crying over a measly little kiss but over an extreme amount of burnout from school and exhaustion from simply existing. She was crying because her boyfriend ignored her boundaries, crushing and erasing the boundaries she had set in their relationship. Harry tried reaching for her once she had stopped walking. His hand clasped around her wrist, he laid his head down on her shoulder. He hated seeing her cry even if he was too drunk to see why.

“Baby don't leave, Im-Im Sorry.” He hiccuped and burped due to the alcohol. Y/N felt her rage build. Shoving Harry off of her, she crossed her arms across her chest as a way to shield herself from Harry physically. He was hurt by her distance and the wall she put up around her.

“You're an idiot Harry. An idiot!” her sobs grew louder, some stray party goers watching in amusement- some even snapchatting it for shits and giggles. “I didnt want you to kiss her and you did. What provoked you to think that was ok? All I wanted was for us to hang out tonight and just be us and you did this!” She was yelling now. Her hurt is beyond her now. Anger and rage simmered throughout her body making her head dizzy and her fingers curl within themselves. She didnt like being angry. It wasn't an emotion she liked acting on, it felt impersonal.

“Baby I don't under-” Before Harry could finish his sentence he was barfing at his feet. Y/N stepped back disgusted with her boyfriend. She couldn't even feel remorseful because of how angry she was. Luca, the frat brother from earlier, caught up with Harry and his girl only to find Harry doubled over heaving. Luca wrapped his arms around Harry's shoulders.

“I'm sorry Luca but I can't do this tonight. Can you please make sure he gets some water and goes to bed. I-I can't do it tonight, I wish I could but I can't.” Y/N didn't want to leave her boyfriend in this state but she didn't deserve this. She wasn't going to care for her drunk boyfriend when all she wanted to do was care for herself. Selfishly, she enjoyed seeing him this way because of the anger he caused her.

Luca shook his head in understandment. “Of course, I'm really sorry for tonight. He's going to seriously regret this in the morning, especially since it will be circulating all over snapchat in the morning.” Luca waved to Y/N then proceeded to pull Harry into the house. Harry called out for Y/N not wanting to be away from her but Luca pulled him harder.

Harry woke up the next morning feeling like the bottom of a dumpster. He wasn't shocked by that. He knew he got trashed last night, he had planned to. He, just like Y/N, spent all week studying and completing projects while also fulfilling certain responsibilities for his frat. He wanted one night to be a normal teen. So he drank and drank and drank and maybe even smoked some weed. As he tried to recall last night's events he came up with nothing. He didn't understand why Y/N wasn't here with him like she normally would after a party on the weekend. They were normally always together during the weekend. A bad feeling loomed over him. He could tell something wasn't right but decided to put his feelings to the side.

He saw a bottle of water beside his bed making him think she was probably here and left early. Chugging the water he started to go through his socials to see if anyone had posted about the party. He had multiple tagged pics and videos in his notifications from snapchat. Way more than he normally would.

The first video he saw was a video of him and Y/N standing in the front yard of the frat house. Turning the volume all the way up he could hear Y/N yelling, it shocked him. She doesn't normally raise her voice, especially not at him. The angle changed showing her face which was red with anger, eyes filled with unshed tears. He could hear her yelling about him kissing someone else. He felt his heart stop. He had kissed someone else? On the next snap was a picture of him keeled over vomiting on his shoes with the caption saying, ‘are yall seeing this shit?’ Harry was embarrassed but he was more concerned than anything.

His head was hurting but it didn't stop him from rolling out of bed, washing up, and putting on a fresh set of clothes. He checked his phone hoping Y/N had messaged him but nothing was there. He walked into the kitchen only to see luca sitting at the counter eating cereal.

“Hey Harry….” Luca said warily. Luca pushed the cereal around his bowl feeling the tension begin to rise in the room. He felt horrible about his friends.

“Luca...what's up?” Harry was confused by Lucas' wariness.

“So do you remember anything about last night?” Luca asked, setting his cereal down in the sink behind him. Harry started playing with the frayed edges of a bracelet Y/N made for him. It had little beads with her name on it. They made them together at an event on campus.

“I don't, I only saw the videos of Y/N screaming at me. I think I fucked up but I- I don't know what happened.” Harry's cheek flushed with even more embarrassment. Luca awkwardly chuckled scratching the back of his neck.

“You got dared to kiss the hottest girl in the room and um actually did it in front of Y/N...even though she didn't want you to. Which led you guys outside and yeah you know the rest...Im sorry dude, I wish I had stopped you.”

“Who- who did I kiss?” Harrys stomach lurched when he heard Yara’s name come out of Lucas' name. Y/N didn't like Yara and it was understandable. Yara has been pining after Harry since their first year of college. Harry couldn't breathe. He felt disgusted with himself. He could only imagine how Y/N was feeling.

Y/N woke up the same morning, eyes puffy and crusty from tears and head hurting. She probably cried herself into dehydration. She was lucky enough to have no roommate because she wouldn't have wanted someone else to see her breakdown. She still couldn't believe last night went down the way it went down. She couldn't tell if she was just being overdramatic or if her emotions were in the right place. She didn't want to be mad at Harry. He was everything to her, she had an odd connection to him. Meeting him during their freshman welcome week they quickly became best friends with a growing romantic connection in the mix. They started dating before Christmas break. They had grown close so fast that he even came home with her to meet her family for the first few days of break.  Even though they were in their junior year of college, Y/N could see them beyond college. She's imagined them getting married, travelling, sharing a home. She saw the whole future with him. She had her doubts though. He was immature just like every other boy in college. He was dumb with his actions and tended to only do things if they benefited him. He had a lot of growing to do as a person, so did she but she wanted to grow with him.

She heard a knock on her door hesitating to answer it because one, it could be Harry, and two, she looked like a wreck. Answering anyways, she was met with a very sorry looking Harry holding a small coffee and bagel from their cafe.

“Hi baby…” He sheepishly said holding out the items. She silently let him through the door not once looking him in the eye. He stepped into her room, setting her treats on her desk. He could see that her bed was messy meaning she recently woke up. Y/N never went about her day without making her bed. He turned back to her and finally their eyes met. He took in all of her facial features, from her puffy eyes, to her downturned lips that looked chapped, to her flushed cheeks that longed to be held for warmth. He hated to see her like this, the last time he saw her so upset was when her parents moved out of her childhood home. It took alot to make Y/N this upset. She was normally really headstrong and vigilant. She knew how to ease her way out of problematic situations and could talk her way through anything.

Harry opened his mouth to speak but was cut off by Y/N holding her hand up in front of his face. “Don't talk. I'm really hurt Harry, so if your plan was to come over here and apologize over bagels- think again.” She snapped, backing up to put space between the two of them. She sat down on her bed while Harry pulled the desk chair out and sat down. He much preferred to be on the bed with her holding her tight but he didn't want to overstep boundaries.

“Love, I don't know where to begin. I'm really sorry for what happened last night. I was really drunk and obviously wasn't in the right headspace.” Harry reached out and touched the tips of her fingers with his. She wanted to move but it felt good to be touched by Harry.

“I told you that a measly little apology won't do Harry. I didn't want you to kiss Yara and you did anyway. You know how Yara feels about you and you just let it happen!” She pulled her hand away remembering the prior night's events. Harry felt himself getting angry too. He felt like he needed to defend himself- even though it would be a very bad idea.

“I think you're being over dramatic.” Wrong move Harry. “It wasn't like I was making out with her!”

“You're joking right?” She scoffed and scooted further up her bed to create more distance. “Harry it's the simple fact that you did something that made me uncomfortable that shouldn't have even happened. I see myself getting married to you and it makes me worry that right now in our relationship you can't respect my boundaries!” She yelled. Harry’s eyes widened as he laughed sarcastically.

“Married? What the fuck are you on about? I'm a junior in college. In what world would it make sense for me to be prepping a relationship for marriage? Once again I think you're being over dramatic.” Her eyes watered hearing Harry's statement.

“I- I guess I'm the only one in this relationship thinking about the future? I thought we were on the same page. I'm not planning our marriage now, obviously. I'm thinking about how elements of our relationship now could play out in the future when we do want to get married. You cheated on me last night. I went to a party you begged ME to go to only to be there for you. I wanted to be here cuddling with you, pigging out on fast food but I was at a party with you and got cheated on!” Her volume rises once again, making Harry shove his chair from underneath him when he stands up.

“You're doing too much right now. I'm not planning a future right now because I don't want this future! I want to be myself without thinking about how to appease my girlfriend. I invited you to the party so you could lighten the fuck up. I love you, I do, but I'm not thinking of marriage and futures. I'm thinking about my life right now and having fun.” Harry snapped right back at her. Her chin wobbled. Obviously her and Harry were on different pages. It hurt so much to hear him say that he didn't want a future with her. Harry didn't mean it though.

“Ok, well I guess that's my fault for assuming we were thinking along the same lines. Um, I don't want to hold you back from being yourself so with that being said, you are a free man Harry.” She pushed herself up from her bed walking to the door ready to escort Harry out.

“Huh? Love, what?” Harry was confused on how they got to this point. Just a few days ago they were in love, meeting in the library to share a lunch and exchanging sweet words determined by their love.

“Listen I have a day full of exams tomorrow so if you could just leave that would be best. You don't really want this so I'm letting you go, Harry.” She had tears rolling down her face, falling from her eyes down to her chin where they fell to the ground in droplets. Harry’s eyes welled up watching his love cry before him.

“I don't-”

“Harry, leave, please.” She opened the door making room for him to go through. He walked through the door turning to look at her. She turned her face away from him whispering a small goodbye before shutting the door. Harry was left in the silent hallway, so silent he could hear his thoughts and the tears hitting the tile floor beneath him. He thinks he stood there for at least thirty more minutes before accepting what had happened and walking away.

Leaving Y/N in her room sobbing like she had never done before. Her tears coated her face and she thought her head could explode right then and there. She didn't want to accept what had happened but she had priorities. She composed herself enough to start studying for her exams.

The week rolled by quickly, Monday meeting Friday in a flash. Exams were done and Christmas break was on the horizon. Students were piling off of campus in a hurry ready to get home to their loved ones. People were outside by cars loading up their winter necessaries and saying their goodbyes to their close friends.

Harry cried everyday this week. He wasn't normally a crier. He hated crying, he hated the feeling of crying and the headache that came from it. He cried because he realized how wrong he was. He missed Y/N. He missed finals week dinner together where they tried to get off campus at least once and be alone for a moment. He missed watching her relax while eating food that wasn't from their school's cafeteria. He would pay for their meal just so she could have one less thing to worry about. They would normally get frozen yogurt right after too, Y/N getting as many toppings as she wanted because Harry would be the one paying. He missed her tight after exam hugs. She would squeeze his shoulders tight, smiling into his neck, telling him how proud she was of him. She would bring him tea in the morning when they met for breakfast. Sometimes they would spend the night in one or the others room so they could have time together to destress and just talk.

Y/N wasn't doing any better. She normally went into exam week feeling confident. She studied too hard not to. But this week she felt like shit. Her heart hurt and she kept thinking about the fight. She feels like she overreacted but hearing Harry talk about their lack of a future hurt nonetheless. She really assumed that they did have a future that included marriage and a life together. She didn't understand where his sudden lack of commitment came from. She regretted dumping him but at the same time she wished he did more to get them back together but he was silent. He hasn't contacted her at all and avoided all of their spots on campus all together.

She stood by her car prepping for her six hours car ride back home. Packing away her clothes and some essentials in the trunk of her car, she heard light footsteps behind her. Closing her trunk she turned to see Harry standing with his hands in his pockets.  

“Hi.” He said. She looked at him, putting her own hands in her pockets. It was cold outside, the nippy air hinting at a possibility of snow.

“Hi Harry.” They shared a moment of silence together. Just staring at each other. It felt good to be near each other again. They felt like they could breathe again.

“I had to see you before you left. I know the break is only a month but I didn't want to leave without seeing you.” He replied quietly. She made him feel so shy. Her beauty always made him awestruck. Even in a hoodie with their college's logo and some large sweatpants and some fuzzy crocs, she was the most beautiful thing he's ever seen.

“I don't know what to say harry.”

“It's ok. I don't deserve anything from you after what I said. I just wanted to apologize and wish you a good break before you left. I also wanted to give you this.” He pulled a small box and envelope out of the front pocket of his backpack. “I know we agreed on no presents but I think thats a dumb rule and I love you too much to not get you something.” She smiled at his words, taking the gift from his hands.

“Thank you Harry, it means a lot to me. So what are your plans for a break?” She asked him, the tension that was in the air slowly dissipating.

“I couldn't get a flight home until next wednesday so i'll stay here on campus until then.” He shrugged.

“Oh ok. Well tell Anne I said hi. I have to go Harry but I'll see you after the break, ok?” She didn't want to leave him but she didn't want to drive through the dark.

“Ok, love. Drive safe. I lov- I mean have a good break.” Her chest tightened at his hesitation. She wants to hear him say the words but she knows he won't.

“Have a good break Harry.” She whispered. Before getting in her car she stood on her toes placing a kiss on the corner of his mouth. Rubbing her thumb across his cheek and turning away and into her car.

She drove away knowing that her heart was left in that parking lot in the hands of someone she loves way too much.

Harry stood in the parking lot watching his heart drive away for winter wanting nothing more than to be with her.

Part two

[vina-writes]

Ten Favorite Drarry Fic Recs

I’ve reached a bit of a follower milestone, and I thought, why not celebrate? I’m happy! This is an incredible feeling that I honestly can’t fully articulate in writing. Knowing someone enjoyed my work and presence enough that they’d want to be notified if I posted again just makes me squeal and want to hug everyone from joy!! Thank you to anyone who has ever left me kudos, a comment, a tag, a note, an emoji, a tag emoji!! I am endlessly grateful to you all for this support and kindness.

Now, since it’s party time, I’ve compiled a personal list of my ten favorite Drarry fics to share the love. This is by no means a stamp of quality (as there are thousands of brilliant fics out there) and neither is it a guarantee that these are everyone’s cup of tea. But they are certainly my cup of tea— my whole buffet honestly.

I chose fics that made me feel deeply. Fics that made me cry, laugh, throw my phone, squeal and wiggle and dance at the end. These (mostly) weren’t fics which answered deep philosophical questions. They were fics which instead showed me love and adventure, joys and betrayals, misunderstandings and occasionally unbelievable (but appreciated) levels of smut (you know who you are). These are stories I read to be entertained, entranced, delighted, and happy. These are stories that made me feel in love.

In honor of that (and of my Canva addiction) I’ve made little banners for each. I hope they do some justice to these works. I’ve tried to capture the feeling of each fic in just one image. Without further ado, read on to find out exactly what my guilty pleasure (as if Drarry isn’t enough) is:

The Songbirds of Avebury Manor by Tessa Crowley [E, 18k] 

Summary: Harry Potter presents as alpha at fifteen, and it is supposed to change his life for the better. Instead, it leads him to a beautiful noble omega he cannot have, a political plot he cannot escape, and a threat on his life.

This story. Oh my stars, this story. What can I even say to properly express how I feel about it? This is the Romeo and Juliet, the Pride and Prejudice, the Hades and Persephone of Drarry. Reading this made me feel like an unwedded Victorian lass waiting for her Prince Charming. It’s a wonderful Historical AU that throws around power dynamics and questions of who is worthy of love, freedom, and respect despite them. This is a brilliant portrait of deep romantic love. Harry’s dedication to Draco is all-encompassing, beautiful, intense, intimate— earth shattering, really. The way they fall in love despite class and situation made me want to cry and write poetry. This is a true fairytale romance.

The Pirate and the Prince by @nerdherderette​, maniacani [E, 49k]

Summary: Draco can't believe that fate and circumstance have made him a stowaway on the Master of Death's ship. He doesn't know what's worse: the dread pirate's legendary vendetta against the aristocracy, or the fact that his captor is the most infuriating yet irrefutably fascinating man Draco has ever met.

The moment I started this story I knew it was going to be an instant favorite. It’s swashbuckling, debonair yet disheveled, dangerous, fun, adventurous— everything you could desire from a romance on the high seas! Though they come from very different backgrounds, this Draco and Harry are a power couple to the core. Their romance is once again beautiful, intense, and dedicated, but this time it’s mixed with a healthy dose of self-exploration and mutual acceptance. But apart from romance this fic holds delicious secrecy and identity issues, an astounding knowledge of sailing ships, plenty of piratey shenanigans, some heart-wrenching found family dynamics, a cursing parrot, and a glorious angst with a happy ending finale! 

Soup-pocalypse and the Great Curry Cataclysm by SquadOfCats [E, 104k]

Summary: Eleven years after the war, Draco Malfoy leads a quiet, boring, and perfectly respectable life, thanks very much. Or, at least he does, until a sudden and very unexpected veela awakening causes him to throw soup all over Harry Potter in the middle of the Ministry cafeteria.

What can I say about Soup-pocalypse? It will lure you in with tales of Veelas and romance, and then it will kidnap you and throw you in cooking class and therapy. You’ll come out wondering what just happened and how two days have passed. There will, of course, be Veelas and romance aplenty, but it will be a caring romance, a familial romance, a supportive and kind and nurturing romance. This story feels like family, good cooking, sunny days, the deep heartbreak of change, and through all of it, the truth of a real and solid partnership. This is the humorous yet angst-ridden tale of two idiots learning to love as adults, and then in turn learning to face the world together.

you’ve got the antidote for me by Kandakickass [M, 20k]

Summary: When Harry Potter unintentionally severs their soulbond before it can fully form, Draco Malfoy resigns himself to a slow death and decides not to burden Harry with a soulmate he's made it very clear he doesn't want.

He's never been selfless before, but for Harry, he can try.

Right then. On to the angstiest story I’ve ever read and truly enjoyed. Not just enjoyed, adored! Worshipped! Come back to time and again whenever I needed a good cry! Here is the beauty of it: this fic is deeply painful and heartbreaking, yet it steers clear of emotions like disgust and discomfort. Never once was it disturbing— only sorrowful, in the purest and most heart-wrenching way. Yet despite the pain strung throughout the majority of it, this fic left me feeling relieved and rejuvenated, the way one feels after crying their heart out over something simple. It’s an emotional release that does not leave you broken.

On the Last Day of Our World by Sansa [E, 84k]

Summary: During a detention, Harry and Draco get locked in a strange room together overnight. When they escape the next morning, they discover they are alone. Love, angst and adventure abound as they struggle to survive in an empty world.

Truly one of my favorite takes on canon divergence. Truly. This is an exploration of isolation and the joys and comforts that come with it. It is the power couple Drarry to rule them all— a Draco and Harry so strongly connected, in love, and attuned to one another that the world could fall at their feet. This story leaves you on the edge of your seat until the very bitter end— one of those where the second things are briefly peaceful the world goes up in a new set of flames. Those of you who daydream about a partnership that needs no others, two souls who are each other’s family, friend, and future, and would gladly abandon everything to spend eternity alone together: this is for you.

The Arc of the Pendulum by brummel [E, 30k]

Summary: After his father casts a mysterious curse on Harry Potter, Draco Malfoy is forced to try to make things right.

Yes. YES. YES!!! The Beauty and the Beast take you didn’t know you needed! Still canon-compliant to an extent, this is realistic and raw and incredible. Draco makes the choice to help Harry here, and the vulnerability of their interactions while Harry struggles with the curse is everything you could hope it to be. There’s a distinct fairytale atmosphere in this fic— both of them confined together, finding support and comfort in one another while struggling through the effects of the curse, and falling in love along the way. I could write sonnets about the ending using my tears for ink, but they shan’t be revealed here.

Picking Up Pieces by Tessa Crowley [E, 43k]

Summary of Part One: Fifteen years after the War, Draco is a social recluse and award winning author. Harry is an auror who works too hard, ensuring his old war wounds never heal. They meet at a masque ball, unaware of each other's identities. In another situation, it would have been love at first sight. But for them, it would never be so simple.

Picking Up Pieces deserves no introduction, but if you haven’t read it yet, please find a blanket, and cup of tea, and a quiet place to read, cry, and recover. I sobbed my little heart out through the entire second half— the tears were really never ending. How does it end up on a reclist by a fluff lover like me? The answer is similar to Antidote— though this story broke me apart, it was never twisted nor ugly, never disturbing. It was an incredibly touching tale of redemption, forgiveness, human nature, and recompense. The writing does put you through the emotional wringer, but it leaves you relieved and whole. I would lay down my life for this Draco. He truly needs to be protected and loved at all costs. Even though I’m usually careful when recommending heavy stories, I would encourage everyone to read this— it made me feel new, it made me feel like I’d spent an hour crying in the shower, but most of all, it really did make me happy.

Two Trees by LakeWitch [E, 36k]

Summary (shortened): In his Eighth year at Hogwarts, part of Draco Malfoy's probation is to see a Mind Healer once a week. Another part, unfortunately, is having to take Muggle Studies.

It wouldn't be so bad, really, if it weren't for the mandatory outing—a 'field trip'—booked at a Muggle lakeside retreat for the better part of five days. [...] Draco is determined to get it all over with as painlessly as possible. He'll keep his head down, and stay out of everyone's way. That is, until Pansy tells him—at the very last moment—that she's schemed to have Draco stay in the same room with Potter for the whole trip.

Just the two of them... in one room.

This is the comfort fic of all comfort fics. It feels like camping, like sitting by a lake in the sun, like marshmallows over a fire and sparks against a starry sky, and cool, feather-soft hotel sheets. Draco is dealing with several different anxieties here, but the brilliant setting and easy plot turn them into a cathartic read. This is a fic about young love and the ability to build bonds on trips. It made me remember my first crushes and the feeling of getting breakfast in a hotel lobby. There’s cuddling, there’s love, there’s some highly emo Draco (both warranted and unwarranted), and there’s a truckload of nature. Go read it!

Your Place Or Mine? by @l0vegl0wsinthedark​ [E, 26k]

Summary: "This person is so much harder to hate. And I’m supposed to hate Malfoy. How the fuck else am I supposed to limit this to just sex?" 

At first I was like, “Damn, Harry,” but then I was all, “Damn Harry!” but then I went, “DAMN Harry!” (interspersed with a lot of whistling and cursing). I could have slapped him, and you will want to. This is another Draco that deserves endless love and hot chocolate, with a Harry that deserves a good smack. I think about this fic weekly, and not just because it’s endlessly hot— although it is scorching hot, like how do you even write something that hot type of hot. Draco’s pining and Harry’s stupidity makes for the angstiest yet most satisfying friends-with-benefits-but-really-there’s-more combination, and the climax (pun intended) and resulting spill of emotions is everything anyone could hope for. Ten out of ten.

The Courting by the Pureblood Who Only Has Five Milligrams of Romantic Intelligence and Thinks He’s Real Smooth by @cibeewastaken​ [T, 19k]

Summary (shortened): Draco could grab Potter and shove him into a stall before proceeding to suck his soul out of his dick, but secretly, deep down, in the part of Draco that he will never admit to anyone, he is (everyone pauses to shudder) a romantic. Potter is not someone Draco wants a one-off with. Potter is — Draco’s beloved!

So Draco decides to boldly go where no one has gone before: to put himself through scrutiny; their friends’ teasing and pranks; unsound romantic advice from a house-elf; wearing pretty clothes; all to try and win Potter’s heart through courtship...

This thing of beauty is exactly as hilarious as it sounds. However, it is so much more than the endless laughs (although there are many). It is sweet, tender, touching, and filled with glorious pining and misunderstandings. Inside you’ll find extravagant (the word was literally invented for Cibee’s Draco) outfits, confusing customs, a blanket that brought me to tears, one badass house-elf, one very confused beloved, absolutely no fornication (wink), and one hopelessly smitten pureblood. Be warned, this fic is actually three “What the fuck, Draco?”s in a trenchcoat. I read it when I want to laugh, facepalm, and submerge myself in the adorable stupidity that is Draco Malfoy in love. It is well worth your time and is sure to bring a smile to your face.

With this final fic we conclude my list on a happy note! It’s long, it’s tedious, and I had a spanking good time writing it. I hope these bring some joy or happy tears to your day.

Love, Vina 

[ugh-againwiththenames]

So Many Fanfics So Little Time

This is just my list, I have seen so many (but if you want to use it it’s all yours too!).  I’m not a writer.  But I am a hell of a reader. Voracious one might argue. I just wanted to track my progress through the weeds of the absolutely never ending supply of Destiel and Cockles fanfic. 

Read on if you want to see what I’ve read, and what I’ve thought. I am but one person with opinions - some of them may be unpopular - some of them you might agree with, but if you find something you haven’t read here, I encourage you to do so. 

Honestly, this is just so I can track what I have read already, and when my friends ask, I can reference something easily. I have found some different fics on all kinds of ‘best of’ lists all over the interwebs. And I love recs - so rec away friends. 

As someone who reads a solid 40 novels a year typically, I don’t come by the “I read a lot” innocently. I do actually read a LOT.  When not reading fanfic (a new obsession, all things being fair), I usually read a lot of Fantasy/high fantasy, romance/erotica, and or YA (yeah, that was a bit of a ride no?).  So from this one might digress that I like fluffy, cute stories, complicated and supernatural/paranormal type stories, and I sure do not shy away from violence or smut (or maybe violence with smut? *smirk*). 

I have read all of these in the last 2-3 months (I will continue to add as I go). I had never read a fanfic until 2-3 months ago.  A lot of these wonderful people are on here, and I mean you no offence by not directly tagging you - I’m still learning how to actually properly use this site. Links to AO3 are included (and I love you all). 

These aren’t necessarily in any real order - I did read T&S first, followed by 91W, and 4LW...after that it’s just a shit show of Long or Short, Destiel or Cockles - smorgasbord. Some of these are the most popular Fics out there, and others I’ve never seen recc’d anywhere (just sort of accidentally happened upon them).  So let’s get to it, shall we? 

Twist and Shout - ok look. I understand the stigma associated with this one, but it was the FIRST one I read. It was the ball that shot me down the hill, and I haven’t stopped since. So. I loved it. I CRIED like a baby. SOBBED. It was not the quality of the writing but the way the story was developed and delivered. I have Never Cried Like This Reading a Story IN MY LIFE. It’s a rite of passage. Read It and have an opinion - it doesn’t need to be mine.  

Author(s): gabriel, standbyme   https://archiveofourown.org/works/537876/chapters/955188

Ninety-One Whiskey - aka 91W, it is mentioned so much, and is SO worth the read.  I continued my dive into the war fics (not typically my bag really and here I was reading 2 in a row).  There are a couple of followup stories as well to this series (and yes, I’ve read them all).  Although I’ll say that the original is my favourite. I often got lost in a bit of the War/Tactical descriptions, but would recommend it to anyone anyway. Ugh...the “stolen moments”...they were at the same time tragic and the most amazing things ever.  You feel me? no? go read it. 

Author:  komodobits   https://archiveofourown.org/works/2362190/chapters/5214500

Four Letter Word for Intercourse - aka 4LW.  OMG just, OMG. I loved this story. I loved it so much. I think I read it in a day.  Devoured it. It’s so HOT. Just read it. If you haven’t you’re missing out.  LEMME AT IT. I loved “knowing the secret”, and had some major anxiety about that realization dawning (I had to take a breath, and be like, no, no, this is gonna be a mess, but it’s gonna be SO GOOD - I was not disappointed).  There’s more than one work here too - read them all. PLEASE. 

Author: bendingsignpost  https://archiveofourown.org/works/16086839/chapters/37568591

Memories Bring Back Memories (Bring Back You) - This was the first Sobs one I read, but it sent me on a spree.  this is the Memory Loss one.  I have one piece of advice here - read everything by Sobsicles. You can thank me later...just go to her page, and fucking sort to supernatural (or not, read it all!) I’d list them but I’d fucking seriously be here all day.  Also, her tags make me laugh so hard.

Author:  sobsicles https://archiveofourown.org/works/24022945/chapters/57796885

Orpheus - I love this one too, Tattooed!Cas, my LOVE. paired with Mechanic!Dean, my HEART, #help.  Read this one in one evening as well. (I was on a roll).  It’s a one night stand that turns into more (much like my last relationship)....hmm...maybe this is why I was pulled in - although to be fair that is the last similarity to my shitty love life! I do not remember how I stumbled onto this one (tattooed Cas may have been the draw...tbh). Read the warnings though, there is some triggering stuff in this one - but if you can handle it, it’s definitely worth the read. 

Author: sysrae       https://archiveofourown.org/works/2364347/chapters/5220227

Have Love, Will Travel - Can you say no to Stripper!Dean? Cause I sure as hell cannot. Typical sort of character development here with Dean having trust issues, and Cas being painfully awkward...(but in like a super cute way?).  Would Recommend. 

Author: squeemonster   https://archiveofourown.org/works/565455/chapters/1011747

The Inexhaustible Silence of Houses - Change of pace here...It’s got a nice twist.  I didn’t actually clue into how it was going to end until very near the end (maybe I was being oblivious), when the realization came over me and I was...man. I was DONE IN.  I hope that doesn’t spoil (I need some kind of way of remembering them). Voiceless!Cas Hunter!Dean

Author: Askance (doomcountry)   https://archiveofourown.org/works/560268/chapters/1000755

Adagio - This is super short, and super cute. Honestly, I would read the whole thing just for the last line. It’ll take you less than an hour if I remember correctly. Go, I’ll wait. I squeeed. did you? 

Author: noangelsinthegarrison   https://archiveofourown.org/works/1397248/chapters/2928145

Any Little Heartache - super easy read (not in a bad way, but in a ‘you’ll fly through it’ way).  It’s mid-length, not graphic, but really fun hospital AU. HeartSurgeon!Dean / Nurse!Cas - enemies to lovers anyone? Fuck you to Fuck me? yeah. YUM. 

Author: followthattardis https://archiveofourown.org/works/5143376/chapters/11838311

Ad Astra - This is another short(ish) one, just one chapter.  And by that I mean that this is written like a very long poem. Cas as a star who has visited Dean many times over the years of his life, that culminates in 4x01 barn scene. It’s ‘awe’ sad. ‘puppy dog eyes’ sad. The writing format took me a bit to understand what was happening - it’s my lack of poetry knowledge, not the writing.  

Author: nhixxie https://archiveofourown.org/works/1013491

Ad Astra Per Aspera - This is a cute story.  ESL writer, no judgement.  I found this while looking for the one above, and thought the premise looked cute - and it was. Misunderstanding leading to Dean realizing he’s actually Bi.  Miscommunication leading to realization.  

Author: Riverchester https://archiveofourown.org/works/12354336/chapters/28101816

Psalm 40:2 - Time travel post-canon Cas and Pre-series Dean.  If you’re wondering how that works, strap in for this ride, it’s well worth it. 

Author: unicornpoe https://archiveofourown.org/works/30786425/chapters/75992444

Addicted to You - Warlock!Dean/Incubus!Cas - accidental ‘mating’ (I actually really don’t like that word, but there’s sort of no avoiding it in this situation). Cute story.  When you drunk dial a succubus and get an incubus instead...Whatever will we do? 

Author: Ltleflrt https://archiveofourown.org/works/4387346/chapters/9959288 

A Glimpse Beyond - End Fix-it. Not yet complete, 10 chapters so far...I want MORE! Reliving memories Dean/Cas & Sam/Eileen.   

Author: NorthernSparrow https://archiveofourown.org/works/27731689/chapters/67875925

Cas-ti-el - Please I want more...It’s like the story just started. Please write more of this story!! 1 chapter, it’s a trope prompt challenge, but I want it to be a full on story of its own. Imprinted names of their soul mates, Dean doesn’t understand his (because it’s in a different language)...I’m frustrated by wanting this story to keep going. 

Author:  Valinde (Valyria)  https://archiveofourown.org/works/1941591

Our Bodies, Posessed by Light - another short one. Not going to lie, this one took a little getting used to, and I can’t say that I enjoyed it too much for the sole purpose that the premise gave me the willies.  Cas has to vessel jump - ends up in Sam...I got through it, it had a good ending, but yeah, sorry. This just wasn’t for me. 

Author:  obstinatrix  https://archiveofourown.org/works/260289

Peanut Butter Pumpkin Wedding Cake - Waiter!Dean / Writer!Cas - This is so effing cute, just misunderstanding after misunderstanding bumbling around like the couple of dorks that they are. It’s only one chapter. 100% would recommend. 

Author:  Sparseparsley https://archiveofourown.org/works/223962

Destiel, Actually - This is another super cute story, 5 chapters. Gabriel playing a singular role in putting Dean and Cas in awkward positions to push them together.  I fucking DIED at “oh, I am the sub” - needs context, but I guarantee you that you’ll laugh out loud...

Author:  Bexism  https://archiveofourown.org/works/399934/chapters/658398

The Smell Before the Rain - This was my first A/B/O - a big apology to all those who are into mpreg and whatnot, this was my lesson that I am not. this was not for me. Also - I’m a firm Cas (Alpha/Dom) believer, and i’m good with switch Cas, but it’s hard for me to take him being the full Omega here, when paired with the rest I just couldn’t do it. I finished it, but, not my thing. I know now. 

Author: jscribbles https://archiveofourown.org/works/22355230/chapters/53406127

Crazy Diamonds - This is another short one, only 3 chapters - it’s a body swap for Dean, 4x02 him and 2018 him swap places (assumption that 2018 him is “with” Cas).  It’s a super cute little story. 

Author:  pantheon_of_discord https://archiveofourown.org/works/16151642/chapters/37738631

The Breath of All Things - Wheelchair!Dean / Volunteer!Cas.  This is a lovely story, typical Dean self-hatred etc. Triggering for those with suicide warnings. It had me in tears at the end. There’s a really spectacular quote near the end that I found so romantic I screen grabbed it. 

Author:  KismetJeska https://archiveofourown.org/works/994750/chapters/1967519

Kind of a Forever Deal - SummerCamp!AU This is just a really cute and fluffy summer camp AU.  Which is so different from 91W (That’s right, check the author)! I was a little disappointed with the ending, but otherwise really enjoyed this all the way through and was loving all the discovery and young characterizations of all the characters. 

Author: komodobits https://archiveofourown.org/works/999291/chapters/1978478

Everytown, USA - Best way I can break this one down? Wanderer!Dean (listless and without a place in the world, he ends up in a small town...), Twin!Cas (that leads to some fun things). There are a number of points where you’re gonna yell at Dean for doing stupid shit (that are very much in character for him to do), you think, well, yes, obviously you’re going to do that you silly fucking boy [affectionate]; but whyyy? (but we know). 

Author: aileenrose https://archiveofourown.org/works/1797559/chapters/3854836

Chalk and Chainmail - HighSchool!AU, Cas is an artist, Dean LARP’s - it’s cute and angsty. 

Author:  lemonsorbae https://archiveofourown.org/works/804704/chapters/1517551

A Little Patience - Ok. you want smut? This is your story. You want Kink? This is your story.  I actually did not finish this. It got a little carried away in my opinion. It was VERY panty kink oriented (which, while essentially canon isn’t really my kink) so, if you want that Panty Kink on full display? Go forth and enjoy! it  is thirty something chapters, I got to the mid-twenties I Think. 

Author: riseofthefallenone https://archiveofourown.org/works/1750058/chapters/3739232

Control - I REALLY ENJOYED THIS. Which is saying a lot for someone who has already admitted that a Subby Cas isn’t really my HC - so to so thoroughly enjoy a Sub!Cas story? (maybe it’s the tattooes...*wink*). It’s an AU where Cas is the head of a company - Dean is a callboy I guess, for lack of a better term. Just read it.

Author: dothraki_shieldmaiden  https://archiveofourown.org/works/31156601/chapters/76993217

More (I copy pasted the next lot from my google doc, I’ll flush them out later - no i wont...)

Teach Me (short) - movie night in the bunker, things get a little carried away   Author:  Chiyume  https://archiveofourown.org/works/5961327

You Light the Spark (in my bonfire heart) (short) - when cas doesn't realize that dean is unaware of his feelings, super short, super cute                      Author: noangelsinthegarrison https://archiveofourown.org/works/1193910 

Communication Breakdown (short/cockles) - dean ends up in Jensen's head while he films the confession scene, no sexual content Author: jujubiest   https://archiveofourown.org/works/29669601/chapters/72951339

Look What You Made Me Do (short/cockles) -      -  Vegas Con 2020 / jensen comes out with a song     - cute short - no sexual content Author:  green_blue_heller https://archiveofourown.org/works/30251592 Full House (short/cockles) - reimagined version of the rented house story - putting it in order (so to speak). funny / cute / fluffy not explicit   Author: n_nami  https://archiveofourown.org/works/30855827

Cyber Sex (short/cockles) - anastiel https://archiveofourown.org/works/31467086      - shameless post GISH Fest zoom call porn      - Short (very short)

It's Complicated (cockles) - gail_morgan https://archiveofourown.org/works/31434938/chapters/77747519       The GISHtake (short/cockles) - MellyCrazyCoconut https://archiveofourown.org/works/31508099     - cute short post GISH zoom     - oops "babe, really?"  

(10.02.2021 updated) Since last update: New reads - Fuck i’m gonna be here all day - there’s not gonna be as much gonna be NO detail in these breakdowns...sorry! This has now just become a “what i’ve read list” as opposed to a Rec list...

Love, All Alike (Pt. 1 Love, All Alike) - Phantoms_and_Foxgloves   https://archiveofourown.org/works/4555599/chapters/10370646                             - Though The Stars Walk Backward (pt 2 Love, All alike) - Phantoms_and_Foxgloves

And this, your living kiss - opal_bullets   https://archiveofourown.org/works/18083927/chapters/42744872

Come On, Let's Strike a Match (Domination and Submission: a love story pt 1) - anyrei & queerwerewolf ***   https://archiveofourown.org/works/25722478/chapters/62458810    - Playing With Fire (D&S: a love story pt 2)    - We Kiss and the Flames Get Higher (D&S: a love story pt 3)     - Sparking That Old Flame (D&S: a love story pt 4) 

Cinderwings - bendingsignpost Cinderella!AU**   https://archiveofourown.org/works/12847041/chapters/29336421

Linden - fleeceframe Swan!AU**   https://archiveofourown.org/works/33126730/chapters/82236118

No Netflix, No Chill (short) - dorian_they   https://archiveofourown.org/works/28764966

Can't Drink You Away (short) - dorian_they   https://archiveofourown.org/works/28785792 

Jensen Totally (Does Not!) Snore (short RPF) - Dorian_they   https://archiveofourown.org/works/30315717

Dean Ships It (short) - dorian_they   https://archiveofourown.org/works/30349434

All about control - wingless   https://archiveofourown.org/works/9151930/chapters/20791243

Aesthetics in Autoerotica (pt 1 Aesthetics in Autoerotica) - relucant   https://archiveofourown.org/works/3885544                                                             - The Ties that Bind (pt 2 Aesthetics in Autoerotica) - relucant

Let's take a drive - sobsicles   https://archiveofourown.org/works/32581027/chapters/80819581 

Enchanted ink - castielslostwings TattooArtist!Dean TattooArtist!Castiel AU ***   https://archiveofourown.org/works/23043622/chapters/55109530

The bones beneath our skin - darknessbound   https://archiveofourown.org/works/24633754/chapters/59515804

The Plot (RPF) - Castiel_Left_His_Mark_On_Me   https://archiveofourown.org/works/2795588/chapters/6274970

The Gentle Force with which you Take Me (RPF) - Phoenix_Ascended   https://archiveofourown.org/works/32110120/chapters/79549183

According to all known laws of Life (Pt. 1 Cursed Metaphors) - sobsicles   https://archiveofourown.org/works/29207901                                                          - and he's back (with a mind of his own) (pt. 2 Cursed Metaphors) - sobsicles

Six hundred sundays (and many more) - sobsicles   https://archiveofourown.org/works/31158776

Aching in the Absence of you - sobsicles   https://archiveofourown.org/works/31832977/chapters/78811378

gorging myself on you, still can’t get full (insatiable) (Short) - sobsicles   https://archiveofourown.org/works/32203291

memories bring back memories (bring back you) - sobsicles   https://archiveofourown.org/works/24022945/chapters/57796885

Dream Come True (short) - bendingsignpost   https://archiveofourown.org/works/28071159

tall grass - aeli_kindara   https://archiveofourown.org/works/13127040/chapters/30030726

asunder (Short) - rageprufrock https://archiveofourown.org/works/62115

Apheresis - bendingsignpost BloodDonor!AU **   https://archiveofourown.org/works/32674783/chapters/81056680

we always were but never knew it - frightfullyrude   https://archiveofourown.org/works/32698324/chapters/81119503

In this Louisiana Bar (Short) - fleeceframe   https://archiveofourown.org/works/31764487

The Hitchhiker's Guide to Alternate Universes - n_nami   https://archiveofourown.org/works/32687929/chapters/81092785

my heart a compass - lagaudiere https://archiveofourown.org/works/28629951

Unsound Inverses - sp8ce (not complete)   https://archiveofourown.org/works/29836881/chapters/73413300

The Jensen Mistake (RPFish) - fellshish   https://archiveofourown.org/works/31950169

tell me about the dream (Pt. 1 Kids are coming home) - playedwright   https://archiveofourown.org/works/27984813/chapters/68544450

It's handy to know (FIMMF Themed ;)) - RosaMarloes   https://archiveofourown.org/works/31761322

So Says The Sword - komodobits AngelTrueform!AU**   https://archiveofourown.org/works/12597892/chapters/28695592

Communication Breakdown (RPFish)- darkshrimpemotions (jujubiest)   https://archiveofourown.org/works/29669601/chapters/72951339

Carry You Home - Casloveshisfreckles   https://archiveofourown.org/works/26982637/chapters/65862916

In the Shadow of your Wings - Enochian Things (Salr323)   https://archiveofourown.org/works/7531294/chapters/17121655

When Harry Met Sally (RPF) (Pt. 1 When Harry Met Sally ‘verse) - mnwood   https://archiveofourown.org/works/7622347/chapters/17351845    - Eight Dildos (RPF) (Pt. 2 When Harry Met Sally ‘verse) - mnwood    - Attention, Please (RPF) (Pt. 3 When Harry Met Sally ‘verse) - mnwood             - Boat Trip (RPF) (Pt. 4 When Harry Met Sally ‘verse) - mnwood

A Winter's Tale - NorthernSparrow   https://archiveofourown.org/works/2654327/chapters/5930561

A Close Shave - NorthernSparrow https://archiveofourown.org/works/3090167

r/supernatural - renrub (short) https://archiveofourown.org/works/27626783

sam reads destiel fics - rebshome (short - funny!)   https://archiveofourown.org/works/33721624

Angel Cookies - noxsoulmate Chirstmas!AU **  https://archiveofourown.org/works/11729640/chapters/26427765

Under The Midnight Sun - NorthernSparrow Arctic!AU **   https://archiveofourown.org/works/16690645/chapters/39143677

Bron-Yr-Aur - mrbluesky (Short) https://archiveofourown.org/works/28225335

The Dean Winchester Beat Sheet - saltyfeathers   https://archiveofourown.org/works/19258594/chapters/45800209

The Meaning On My Skin - saltnhalo   https://archiveofourown.org/works/18005378/chapters/42538133

Red Right Hand (Pt. 1 Murder Ballads)  - Duckyboos   https://archiveofourown.org/works/4306110/chapters/9760008    - Are you the One that I've been waiting for? (pt. 2 Murder Ballads) - Duckyboos   

Riptides - sharkfish   https://archiveofourown.org/works/13230426/chapters/30263556

Damn Fine Ride - Cimorene105 (pt 1 - rodeo) Cowboy!AU** (I’m a horse girl, sue me...)  https://archiveofourown.org/works/14342340    - My Face Just Does This, Sometimes - Cimorene105 (pt. 2 rodeo)    - The Kinkiest Thing I've Ever Done- Cimorene105 (pt 3 rodeo)    - All Signs Point to Love - Cimorene105 (pt. 4 rodeo)    - Monster Love - Cimorene105 (pt. 5 rodeo)    - My Man, The Siren - Cimorene105 (pt. 6 rodeo)    - A Pain in My Ass - Cimorene105 (pt. 7 rodeo)

Astrolabe (terra incognita pt 1) - reluctantabandon, Winter_of_our_Discontent   https://archiveofourown.org/works/3348812/chapters/7326794    - Drollery (terra incognita pt 2) - reluctantabandon Winter_of_our_Discontent    - Rubrication (terra incognita pt 3) - reluctantabandon Winter_of_our_Discontent

Go Down With This Ship - PorcupineGirl   https://archiveofourown.org/works/8023642/chapters/18370474

Fire and Ice - Castielslostwings (Firefighter/Paramedic AU!) **   https://archiveofourown.org/works/23286295/chapters/55768486

The Structural Similarities of Hunters and Onions - Faster_Than_the_Speed_of_Sound (Short)   https://archiveofourown.org/works/33383101

Castiel Novak's Office, This is Dean - emmbrancsxx0   https://archiveofourown.org/works/22411336/chapters/53545840

Out of the Deep (out of the deep pt. 1) - riseofthefallenone - MERMAID AU! **   https://archiveofourown.org/works/548878/chapters/977676

Dean (and Cas') Top 13 Zepp Traxx - pantheon_of_discord   https://archiveofourown.org/works/10909440/chapters/24256989

I'll Be Good - LittleAngelCassie   https://archiveofourown.org/works/4118334/chapters/9282234

Kenosis - CastielsCarma (Short - part of Destiel ABC collection)   https://archiveofourown.org/works/30411720

[flamehairedwritings]

Chocolates

Characters: Chief Jim Hopper x Reader

Words: 1k

Rating: M

A/N: Hello! Welcome to the fourth day of my 7 Days of Valentine’s Drabbles, the 2021 edition!

This story once again contains swearing and two idiots in love, and is inspired by When Harry Met Sally, because if the D*ffer Brothers can rip off 80s movies then so can I. Enjoy!

Please don’t copy or steal my work, and please don’t post it on any other sites; credit does not count.

—

Chocolates

The slamming shut of the Blazer door echoes across the quiet cul-de-sac, followed swiftly by keys jangling as they are shoved into a pocket and the pounding of boots on wooden steps as they are taken two at a time.

Reaching the top, Jim Hopper clears his throat, takes a breath, and then knocks sharply on the olive-green front door three times.

Quiet.

He's about to knock again when, through the small frosted glass, he spies a blurry shape shuffling closer. The door is yanked open, and he comes face to face with your weeping, crumbling features.

“Hi,” you greet shakily, voice cracking.

“Hey,” he answers quietly, frozen to the spot because suddenly I don’t know what the hell to do here.

Sniffing good and hard, you wave a hand behind you as you step to the side. “Come in.”

He steps through the door immediately, standing awkwardly with his bulky ‘Chief’ jacket on, the first one he happened to grab on his way out, and a huge, purple box of chocolates in his hands. Hopper watches you as you close the door, your hand retreating back into the huge sleeve of your fluffy, pale blue dressing gown before you turn to him.

He feels so stupid and lost as you look at him, your chin wobbling slightly, and then he remembers his life-line.

“Brought you chocolate,” he mumbles, holding the box out slightly.

Your gaze drops to it and you sniff again. “That’s... That’s s-so s-sweet, Hop’.”

It’s horrible, actually, he thinks, because he watches in horror as you suddenly dissolve into tears, barely able to take a breath. Before he can stop himself, though, he’s reaching out and placing a hand on your shoulder, squeezing gently.

“Hey, hey, what happened?”

You’d called fifteen minutes before, barely able to get your words out just as you try to now, and all he’d managed to decipher was, “...c-come over?” He’d headed for the door instantly.

“... H-He... G-God...”

His hand falls from your shoulder as you turn, shuffling under the archway into your living room. Following, he hovers by the fireplace as you plop down onto the couch amongst a pile of crumpled tissues. Dragging another one out of a box, you wipe at your face and nose as he stands there, still clutching the box of chocolates.

“... H-He’s getting married, the liar.” Your voice cracks on the insult, and it softens some of the rage that instantly builds inside him, before he realises he has no idea who you’re talking about.

“... Who?”

“D-Darren,” you hiccup, sniffing. “H-Him and A-Alison. He called me earlier a-and invited me to the wedding. B-But he always said he never w-wanted to g-get married...” You take in a shuddering breath as you shrug, looking so utterly helpless that his heart twists. “... I should’ve known. I should’ve known. H-He just didn’t want to m-marry me, God, I’m such a-an i-idiot...”

“Hey, hey, woah...” All awkwardness and uncertainty leaves his body and mind as he moves towards you, setting the chocolates down on the coffee table and sitting at your side. A large hand settles over both of yours gripping at a tissue, his lips pressing together as your watery eyes lift to meet his. “... You’re not an idiot, okay?”

“I am,” you sniff, “I t-trust people t-too much.”

“You want to see the good in people,” he counters, squeezing your hands lightly.

You scoff, the sound coming out more like a sob as you sit back, head leaning against the back of the couch. His hand remains on yours as he leans back, too, still facing you.

“I p-pressured him,” you mumble, sniffing.

“You told him what you wanted.”

“I talked to h-his friends too much.”

“You wanted to get to know them.”

“I made h-him do something e-every weekend.”

“You wanted to spend time with him.”

“I-I came on t-too s-strong.”

He doesn’t realise his thumb has started stroking back and forth across your knuckles. “You love people with all your heart.”

Your head has turned towards his, cheeks wet, teeth biting at your lower lip as you sniff. “Well, I hate it.”

“Don’t,” he murmurs instantly, his other hand resting on top of your head lightly, his thumb stroking gently. “It’s one of your best qualities.”

You scoff again, a tear dripping down your cheek. “Even though I’m stubborn—”

“In a good way.”

“— and d-difficult—”

“Assertive.”

“— and irritate you?”

His eyebrows raise slightly, thumbs continuing to stroke lightly, and a corner of his mouth lifts. “You don’t irritate me. Well, you do, but I can put up with it.”

You hiccup a laugh and his smile widens. Moving his hand from yours, he gently wipes the tears from your cheeks with his thumb, watching you as you blow out a breath.

“You’ll be okay,” he murmurs, and you nod.

“I know. It’s just... shitty,” you mumble.

“I know.”

His hand returns to yours, giving them a pat. “You want me to open up that box of chocolates?”

“Hell yes.”

Chuckling, his hand moves from your head and he makes to reach over when you catch his hand, lacing your fingers together. Meeting your gaze again, he holds it as you squeeze his hand.

“Thanks, Hop’, for this.”

Hopper returns the squeeze, a corner of his mouth lifting higher.

“Don’t worry about it.”

Your hand drops from his as he gestures at the TV that you didn’t bother to turn off when the doorbell rang.

“What’re you watchin’?”

You sniff. “Some action film that doesn’t make sense.”

“Perfect.”

As he pulls his jacket off and grabs the chocolate, you turn the volume of the TV up before settling your feet on the coffee table. Unwrapping the chocolates, Hopper settles the box against one arm so you can both dive into it, eyes now glued to the nonsensical action occurring on the screen. He’s just starting to get into the paper-thin plot when he suddenly feels your head rest against his shoulder.

He doesn’t move as you get comfortable, sniffles a thing of the past now, your hand gently resting on his arm, just above the box. Biting at the inside of his lower lip, he manages to stop the smile that desperately wants to break out across his features.

Instead, he just sits quietly with you, watching the film. And after a few minutes, he gently rests his head against yours.

—

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[bibbykins]

Tandem Heartbeats and Close Calls

A/N: Hi everyone! I had started this little drabble forever ago and recently finished it in a half-asleep stupor, so I hope you can forgive the quality. It’s not my best work, but I do want to give the time I spent finishing it justice by posting. Also, I know a ton of people want some sort of part two or continuance for Embroidery, and I do too, so until I can muster a proper part-two, please enjoy this drabble... which is also me committing myself to a series of fight/make up drabbles for the soft yan boys. Either way, I hope you all enjoy and have a lovely day/night!

Pairing: Soft Yandere! (Embroidery) Kim Taehyung x Reader

Word Count: 2.2k

Warnings: toxic relationship, unhealthy relationship, panic attack, sensory overload meltdown/reaction, mean/degrading words, dissociation (kinda), emotional manipulation- this is not a depiction of a good or healthy couple this is an installment in the dark romance that I write for a mature (18+ since the first installment is rated as such) audience and do not wish nor intend for anyone to glorify or strive for this kind of relationship and I do not think anyone in BTS would act like this at all IRL, this is a work of fiction depicting a relationship that could not exist as such or functionally IRL,I could go on for days about this but please know that much. Also if I left out anything else I should add in the warnings I am so sorry and please let me know. 

Summary: He just wanted to stand up for you and you just wanted to stand on your own. The thought of you doing anything on your own, without him,  shakes him to his very core. 

You hated tension. You hated anger and the silence that came from having no words to properly express emotions. Yet, here you were with Taehyung, sitting in  his living room as he paced wildly, the both of you still in your work clothes. The disagreement turned full-blown fight stemming from an issue that seemed so silly to you.

You looked at your nails, chipping off the polish as you spoke, “I don’t see why you’re overreacting to misogyny in the workplace like this.” You mumbled, "And mad at me for it." You huffed, only earning a scoff from the pacing man.

“I don’t see why you’re so intent on being pushed around by lazy workers.” He seethed, “Youngmin knows better than to throw his work on you, he’s a production manager!”

You fought the urge to roll your eyes at this. You already knew that. You were just about to tell Youngmin that before Taehyung stepped in needlessly. This had definitely not been the first time people dumped work on you purely because you were a capable secretary and someone who looked like a pushover. You knew how to handle these situations, regardless if you ended up doing the work. Taehyung, however, seemed to not have any such faith in you considering the scene he made on the entire accounting floor, embarrassing the life out of you.

“That doesn’t give you the right to make a scene on my behalf.” You hissed back, "I can stand up for myself, if you just gave me the chance."

Taehyung scoffed and it made your eyebrow twitch at his patronizing demeanor, “Well, what else do I do if you’re being pushed around?” You huffed at the comment.

“I’m not being pushed around.” You tried to reason but Taehyung wouldn’t have it.

“Well, I’m the one making sure of that!” You flinched at the volume of his voice, but he didn’t catch it from his pacing while you stood, making him freeze.

“Then why are you the only one pushing me around?!” You huffed, tears in your eyes while Taehyung felt his heart crack. You had never yelled at him before, let alone cried because if him. The same realization seemed to dawn on you as you faltered for a moment, “I-I can handle things myself sometimes, you know.” You spoke incredulously, “I was a person of my own before you, do you not get that?!”

“Oh yeah? Who?” He snapped and you gasped lightly. Is this what he genuinely thought about you? Did your own boyfriend think so low of you and you couldn't see it, “I just remember you being a receptionist that cried on the phone and couldn’t be bothered to so much as make her own lunch, so what were you, if not mine?” He finished his words with a hard glare fixated at you which immediately softened at your glassy eyes with betrayal lying in your pupils

"How could you say that to me?!" You seethed, your eyes void of any affection or love for the man before you, making him freeze, “Do you know how hard I’ve worked to be who I am, and that person is not just your girlfriend, do you want me to prove it?!" Your words felt like a veiled threat, like you would leave him and he felt your words like a spear to the heart.

He could not let that happen, under any circumstances. You could not leave him. He could never allow it. You were his world, his everything, his reason for existing.

Going into panic mode, the man spoke in a hushed tone “Baby, I didn’t mean-

You held your hand up, silencing him as you shook your head, “I need some time to, you know, figure out who I am." You spoke sarcastically but voice quiet as you shuffled to the door.

"W-What do you mean?" He tried to keep the panic in his voice at bay as you slipped on your shoes.

You shrugged, "I don't know." An honest answer did make the situation less frightening for the both of you. What the fuck did you mean? What the fuck were you going to do by yourself?

Wrong answer. In order for you to leave this place, he had to know you loved him and would still continue to do so.

"You know I love you, my Venus, right?" His restraint was hanging by a thread as he watched you slip on your shoes.

"Right." You spoke, barely above a whisper.

Strike two. You didn't say it back. Why would you not say it back? How could you not say it back?! Taehyung watched his nightmare unfold at his own hand. You were slipping away from him, and for the first time, he had no idea what to do.

"I don't want you to go home this late, my love." He took slow steps toward you as your shaky hands tied your shoes, not accustomed to this kind of conflict, "I can just sleep on the couch, and you can..."

You whimpered as you couldn't tie your damn shoes. Your hands were shaking along with the rest of your form as you couldn't focus on the task at hand. You were overstimulated to say the least by everything. From the work day, to the scene, to the fight, to the brokeness of everything around you. Taehyung and you rarely ever fought and each time it was mentally exhausted, but it had never been this bad. You had never felt so sub-human and worthless. Were you just an accessory this whole time?

Had Taehyung loved you or just your company? You felt like a burden to him and just like a shitty excuse of a human all around. What the hell are you if not his? Maybe he was right.

A whine sounded from your closed lips as tears fell to the ground. Your shaky hands had paused on your laces completely, the knots tangled and resembling nothing like the bunny ears you needed. Goodness, you couldn't even tie your damn shoes correctly. 

Taehyung's words evidently fell on def years as only distressed sounds and whines came from you. The word was blurrying from your tears and just being overwhelmed all around as your chest squeezed around itself and you opened your mouth to choke on a sob before two hands covered your ears, pushing your face into a familiar chest.

You fought against the embrace before falling on your bottom and defeatedly ceasing your struggles as you focused on the quickened heartbeat your partner had. Why was he so panicked? Surely you were not significant enough to make the ever cool Kim Taehyung's self-confidence shake, right? His heart was pounding furiously, just like yours, though. You thought back to his comment about tandem heart beats on your first night together. Now, the reasoning didn't sound so crazy as the synchronous heartbeats you both shared resounded between your forms. Your sobs evolved into just heavy breaths as your shoulders relaxed a bit, signaling the man holding you to pull back a bit. His hands slid down to cup your cheeks and stroked them softly, a sad smile adorning his beautiful face.

"It's okay, baby, it's okay, hm?" He kissed your forehead, eyes glossy as he pulled back, laying his forehead on yours, "I'm so fucking sorry I was being such a piece of shit." His voice shook, "Fuck, I never meant to hurt you like that, I didn't even mean what I said. I was just fucking projecting because I was nothing until you came into my life-"

"What a lie." You sniffled, "You have always been Kim Taehyung, campus prince, successful businessman, a fucking CEO- board member- whatever." You sighed out, "You've always been something-"

"None of that meant anything to me, barely does now, I never cared about anything until I met you." He breathed shakily, "I love you so much and you brought so much color to my world and I felt like all I had to offer you was protection and I have no damn idea how to be of use to you while you're so effortlessly the focal point of my existence." 

Your breath hitched at this, "I-I… What the hell are you talking about?" You huffed out, "This whole night I have felt like such a burden, like I was just a pet for you to look after, like I would be nothing without you- like you said-" Pain flashed across his face. He did say that. He didn’t mean it, but he said it and it affected you.

"Shit, I did not mean that at all, please believe me." He begged, voice cracking, "I am nothing if not yours, I can't take care of myself without you, my life is nothing without you in it." You opened your mouth to protest but he continued after a heavy breath, "I remember you as the receptionist who didn't care who liked her and who didn't, but you were still so shamelessly human and it was, and still is, fucking beautiful to see, you are so dedicated and hard-working. I felt the only way I could even get involved with you was through anonymous lunches because I was too cowardly to just approach you. Why would you like me to begin with? You never once needed me, but I have spent years now, needing you so shamelessly and it makes me feel so small when you don't need my help and I lash out like a child about it and say things I don't fucking mean, at all." He took a deep breath, "I love you more than anything, more than life itself, and I never want to make you feel like anything less than a fucking goddess and I'm so sorry I fucked up so bad." You couldn't find words as he gave you a short kiss on your nose before pulling away, averting his eyes as his cheeks glistened and he focused his hand on your shoes, "If you still need time on your own, I understand, and...and I will respect that." He spoke softly, defeated, as he gently undid the tangle of knots on your left shoe before beginning to tie it correctly, "Is that too tight?" He murmured.

You shook your head, tears heavy on your cheeks, "Stop, Tae-Tae." You pleaded softly but he could hardly register your words until you laid a hand on his, making him look up at you.

You studied his face, tears fresh on his cheeks with stains beginning to dry from previous ones, "Baby?" His voice was so broken.

"You can just take off the shoes, I-I want to lay down." You looked at him as he met your eyes with hopefully ones, "With you. I want to lay down… with you." He nodded before gingerly taking your shoes off, as if to give you time to change your mind, "I love you Tae-Tae, I really fucking do, and it's so scary because I want to be perfect for you like you are for me and I feel like I keep falling short and so to hear you say that earlier it just…" You shrugged, not sure how to vocalize how you felt.

He sighed, "I really didn't mean it, but it doesn't change the fact that I said it." He began to take off the other shoe, "I do think you're perfect and I need to be better with my stupid fucking insecurity about it and stop being such a dick." He slipped the other shoe off before pulling you into a tight embrace, "I love you, so much, and I would give up everything in a heartbeat just to be with you." You held him back, giving him peace of mind after being so vulnerable.

Your body was exhausted as he carried you to his bedroom. You could barely help him as he dressed you for bed and tucked you in carefully before sliding in next to you. He cradled you delicately in his arms, not squeezing until you held him against you tighter, "I forgive you." You whispered against his chest, "I love you, I really do."

"Thank you so much, my Venus." He sighed in relief at your words, "I love you too, so fucking much." He leant down as you kissed his lips softly. 

Taehyung lightly admonished himself for a moment. He nearly lost you. He could never let that happen again from his own foolishness. He couldn't live without you. He would never fuck up like that again, and he wouldn't. He vowed to never make a scene like that. He had to do that shit in private, obviously. He slipped up, but he would not be so obnoxious again. 

Before he could continue to curse his stupidity, you snuggled against him, "G'night, my love." You murmured and he relaxed instantly, head cleared with only thoughts of how much he loved you.

"Sweet dreams, my Venus." He kissed the crown of your head and you hummed in delight at the gesture before he joined you in closing his eyes and drifting away into a peaceful sleep after one of the scariest nights of his life.

Thankfully, Taehyung never made the same mistake twice. Especially a mistake so critical. Who knows what he would’ve had to do if you were dead set on leaving him? Again, thankfully, neither you, nor Taehyung, would not find out. Not that Taehyung  planned for you to ever find out just how far he was willing to go to keep you with him, to keep your requited love, to keep both of your hearts beating, together.

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[kamilah-the-bloodqueen]

Remember Me (4/???)

I AM SO FUCKING SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG TO FINISH. Honestly I lost a lot of motivation to write after Bloodbound because PB has greatly decreased in the quality of their books. I am still trying to find the time and motivation to write and am forcing myself to finish my series at the very least but if I am being completely honest I feel like the Kamilah fandom has died, PB’s books mostly suck and I don’t even really play choices anymore. Who knows, I’m trying to learn to write the code for episode so maybe I’ll start posting my own stories and choices on that platform with better plot, smut and less diamond focus since it would be a hobby. This chapter is ASS and mostly just moves the plot along - so if you want action I would wait for a different series or later chapter - okay bye!

Pairing: Adrian x MC x Kamilah (Amy)

Tags: I paused the tag list since it’s been so fucking long but if you want a tag please let me know because I’m pretty sure most people think this series died with me :)

Words: ~1500 (Short because I needed to finish a chapter to motivate me to finish the next)

Kamilah took a deep breath as she knelt on the floor beside Adrian, carefully wrapping her arms around her brother, her heart sinking with every sob that left his lips. She didn’t speak, she knew her words would come off too harshly and she couldn’t blame Adrian for feeling that way, after all she knew how much he loved Amy. 

“Adrian, I’m sorry. I...I truly don’t know what to say.” As their eyes met Kamilah saw exactly how devastated he was, and even in her two thousand years of life, she had never been in his situation. 

“Kamilah, do you think she’ll...well she says we’re just friends but do you think she’ll fall in love with me again?” His lips trembled, his hands shaking and his eyes glistened with tears. 

“I don’t know. As much as I believe love is a silly mortal affair, and a simple chemical reaction, it can’t be forced but I’m sure if you just be yourself and do your best to be her friend that any romantic feelings will follow.” Kamilah moved away as Adrian calmed himself, both of them passing a nod of agreement as he wiped his face clean with tissues. 

“Your wisdom has always guided me well Kamilah.” 

“I suppose that is two thousand sixty three years of experience speaking.” 

“Heh, I guess my two hundred years don’t nearly compare...” 

“You’re still a simple child in my eyes, I just took a liking to you.”

“Well, thank you Kamilah. It seems I owe you quite a bit.”

They both stood from the floor and took seats on Adrian’s office couch, Kamilah folding her legs and crossing her arms and Adrian crossing his ankles and folding his arms. 

“We’re practically siblings - you don’t owe me anything. Just try to take care of yourself and well...don’t expect anything from Amy. I’m sure this is difficult for her, difficult is an understatement. I can’t imagine what she’s experiencing.”

“Maybe I’ve been too selfish Kamilah...I’ve been thinking more about what I want from her instead of focusing on if she’s okay or what she wants.” 

“Sometimes it’s alright to be selfish, and I can understand why you felt that way but you are correct, we need to focus on what Amy wants now, not what she wanted before the accident.”

“You’re absolutely right. I can only hope for the best...I just really...I really wanted...I believed she was the one.” 

“I know you did. I wanted her to be the one for you as well, I still hope she comes back to you Adrian.”

“Me too.” 

Adrian’s phone buzzed at the same time Kamilah’s did, Lily having texted both of them to rendezvous with her and Jax at Amy’s old apartment to talk about the recent events. 

“We should go, but do you feel okay?” Kamilah patted Adrian’s shoulder as they both stood from the couch.

“Yes I think so.” They hurried to the elevator and got into Adrian’s black Mercedes as they navigated towards Lily’s apartment. Once they arrived Lily greeted them before guiding them up to the apartment where Jax waited on the couch with a beer in hand.

“Hey guys...how ya doin?” His words were slurred and he was obviously under the influence to a decent extent. 

“Tell me you have something other than beer Lily.” Kamilah grimaced as Jax took another swig of the beer. She had no problem with beer but she hated that brand and would rather remain sober than allow herself to drink that brand. 

“Yeah, vodka or wine?”

“Vodka.” Kamilah spoke without hesitation while Adrian grabbed a beer from the fridge and took a seat next to Jax on the couch. Lily began to pour Kamilah a shot, and once the glass was full Kamilah took the bottle from her and took two large gulps before sitting on the leather chair and holding the bottle with one hand. 

“So we’re here to get drunk? I thought we were supposed to talk about Amy?” Kamilah’s voice broke the deathly silence that filled the room. Adrian leaned in the door before removing his tie, unbuttoning his shirt and, grabbing three bottles of the cheap beer and sinking into the recliner opposite of Lily and Jax. 

“I didn’t want to drink...well grieve...alone. I mean I can’t do this with Amy anymore...well I could but it wouldn’t be the same... and I have my friend back but it’s really just...it’s not the same. I don’t know I just didn’t...you can leave if you want but I didn’t want to grieve alone…” Lily began to sob, her tears falling into her glass of wine as Jax and Adrian frowned. Kamilah held her stoic expression, but even the alcohol could not erase the ache she felt in her chest.

“I see, well I guess we all process grief differently…” Kamilah spoke calmly, but deep down she felt her own sense of grief. As she gazed around she realized how messy Jax’s hair and clothes were, and how exhausted and drained Lily was. “You guys look a mess…”

“Thanks Kamilah.” Jax drunkenly snickered and Lily sniffled. Adrian remained quiet, taking a long drink from the bottle in his hand before switching to the other glass and downing it just as quickly. 

“Does this not fucking hurt you?” Lily drunkenly scolded as Kamilah flinched ever so slightly. None of them had ever heard Lily so fragile, so devastated. She had every reason to be - she had lost her best friend - even though Amy had survived the accident, the memories were all gone and everything they had once shared was gone. 

“It...does...I was just remarking on-”

“I don’t care about your remarks, at least not now. Don’t you fucking get it? I lost my fucking best friend and I have to watch her find everything again! Do you know how that fucking feels Kamilah? I’m sure you do from all your time as a vampire, but please, for the love of god and for the sake of our friendship just shut the fuck up. I can’t handle this.” Lily’s hand gripped on her bottle as it shattered against her palm, the beer pouring onto the tile floor and seeping into the edges of the carpet. 

“I...apologize Lily…”

“It’s fine! It’s fine! Everything is fine I guess. I don’t know I just...I’m not coping well...and I feel guilty for saying that because Amy has it the hardest of us all and yet here I am getting wasted to be in her position - to forget everything while also being the person who put her in this position in the first fucking place. I don’t think it’ll ever be the same as it was before…”

“Maybe that’s for the best…” Adrian finally joined the conversation. Kamilah, Lily and Jax turned to face him as he swirled the bottle around in his hand - his brown eyes shiny from the tears that had built up. “...we all lost someone...Amy was a different person to each of us...but maybe we have to lose that person for some reason…”

“Adrian, do not try to give me that ‘it’s for the best’ bullshit.” Lily took a deep breath as Adrian shrugged. 

“I’m not. I guess it’s just the alcohol talking, but I was going to propose to Amy that night and maybe it was a sign I shouldn’t have, or maybe the world is punishing me for my sins...but fuck all of that...it’s...it’s a forgotten memory and we need to forget just like Amy...”  

---------------- Amy’s POV ------------------

It was a weird feeling that I couldn’t describe. Having people who seemed like strangers tell me all about the things we’ve done together gave me such comfort and anxiety at the same time. I wanted to believe and trust each of them but at the same time, it would be so easy to lie about it. Maybe I’m just being paranoid about the situation - nobody would really benefit from creating an elaborate story just to mess with my mind. 

God this IV really stings...and now that I’m thinking about it, my ribs really hurt too. I should call the doctor or nurse but it’s nearly midnight. I mean it’s their job but they’re humans and I don’t want to be that super needy patient…

At least that Lily girl seems genuine, I can see why I was her best friend. I appreciate her sincerity more than I can verbalize to her. I’m still wary of Jax though - that man looks like he could kill in an instant and I don’t want to get on his bad side. I’m glad they’re friends with each other though - they seem to get along really well and...Adrian. Poor bastard. I broke his heart. I broke his heart and I can’t even help it. How am I supposed to even really process that whole fucking mess. He’s so sweet and gentle and genuine and I can’t even reciprocate it back to him...but maybe with time I could…? But Kamilah...she makes my heart skip a beat too...but she’s so unlike anyone I’ve even taken interest in - callous and stoic most of the time with very few soft spots. It wouldn’t be any type of understatement to claim my heart is as confused as my head. 

[darkdevasofdestruction]

Hold Me, I’m Soft ~ Mammon x Reader

This is going to refer to the DevilGram story with Madi the Witch, because it didn’t sit right with me how Mammon got used and laughed at for being sexually assaulted, especially when I related to that in more ways then I’d want to admit, so there it is, a short little fic to give Monnie some love, especially since his birthday will be this week and I will be at the mountains, unable to actually post anything other than a Happy Birthday maybe.

Ever since she got to the Devildom, Y/N wondered to herself why in the world would the brothers bully Mammon so much, to the point that he’ll break down in tears when nobody is around?

He’s the most gentle of the brothers, yet he’s met with nothing more than taunts and mocking because of his greed. It’s not like he can help it, it’s his Avatar sin, he didn’t choose it. People get annoyed at Beel for eating too much and constantly raiding the fridge, for when he indulges in the pleasure of greed, he’s suddenly the scummy trash brother who’s just a waste of space. The family’s embarrassment.

But why should he be that, when he’s the only one who never gave in to his demonic power from rage? Never tried to attack or kill her and never got in his demon form to lash out at her?

Mammon was the first one to ever call her by her name and even give her nicknames. He was the first one to call her out to the cinema, concerts, shopping, pranking time, board games, card games, and even video games or just some quality time together.

He was the one to taught her how to be an undefeated Blackjack player and how to spot when someone is lying. He was the one to taught her how to flawlessly cheat in games and how to protect herself if something happened.

Even more, he was the one who graciously asked if she wanted to workout with him so she could be stronger and faster if anything were to happen and he wouldn’t be around, just like how it happened long ago, when Levi lost control and almost attacked her.

And, of course, he was the only one who constantly asked her if she was okay, if she was happy, if she needed anything. He would always pamper her whenever he thought she stopped smiling for one split second, or if he thinks she was faking it. He would grab TSL and some comfort food, hot chocolate with marshmallows and would cuddle her all night, playing with her hair.

It really pissed her off, but no matter what she did, and no matter how much she tried to make the others at least tone it down, of course, millennia of habits cannot be so easily tamed.

These were the constant thoughts that plagued Y/N’s mind, yet the white haired man will never know, because she is a girl of few words and many actions.

Today, however, as usual, was the time for some new shenanigans, as Lucifer and Satan must be the escorts of some powerful witch, as per Diavolo’s request, since he literally can’t stand her - And that speaks loads, when it comes to the benevolent Demon Prince.

“Hey, is it really gonna be okay to leave those two by themselves like that?” Mammon asked with a worried expression on his face. “Well, neither of them are saying anything...For now, at least.” Asmo held the same expression as his elder brother. “Yeah, you just KNOW that they’re going to blow up any minute. It’s so exciting!” Levi spoke with a chuckle. “Hey, why is it that you only ever come outta your room at times like this, Levi? I thought you were s’posed to be a shut-in.” Mammon raised his eyebrow at his little brother. “Well, this is Lucifer and Satan. They almost NEVER work together, much less when it’s just the two of them! I mean, if I’d missed an event like this, I’d regret it for the next 800 years.” Levi grinned, his shoulders shaking with laughter. “Diavolo was pretty bold to make them work together, if you ask me.” Y/N muttered, crossing her arms and peeking through the door creak.

Saying that, the four of them leaned in the peek better and listen to their conversation.

“Be careful. If Maddi takes a liking to a man, she’ll bring him back home with her.” Lucifer smirked at his younger brother. “As if you need to remind me...I recall how Mammon went home with her that one time. Mammon must have regretted going with her, because by the time he got back, he was on the verge of tears. I remember it like it was yesterday!” Satan shook his head in disbelief, making the girl gasp, covering her mouth with her hands. “HEY! I wasn’t!” Mammon frowned at what he just heard, making Asmo shush him quickly so they won’t be heard. “I don’t even want to THINK about what must’ve happened between those two that night. I can’t understand what possessed Mammon to willingly go home with a woman that dangerous. It’s fortunate she didn’t trick him into making a pact with her while he was there in bed half-asleep.” the blond continued speaking, making the girl bite her lip from the shock and pain in her chest. “But there’s no doubt that Mammon didn’t have a good time, because for a while after he came back he had nightmares, and he’s moan in his sleep. He even stopped spending money left and right...MAMMON, of all demons. Still, Maddi IS attractive. She rivals the succubus who won the Queen Contest in terms of beauty. In fact, Maddi might be even MORE beautiful. I’m a little worried that you’ll end up like Mammon - That as soon as she uses her feminine wiles on you, you’ll fold like a paper airplane.” hearing that, she couldn’t stop herself and she fled the place, going to her room to regain herself, not giving anyone any explanation.

She already made up her mind that, despite being the middle of the day, she will skip both lunch and dinner, so changing in her pyjamas, she got in bed, cuddling the hellhound plushie Mammon got her, and wrapped herself in a tight cocoon with her blanket, not wanting to see the light of the day.

So many thoughts were swirling in her mind, each of them more and more degrading, overpowering one another, guilt taking over her completely.

She prided herself with being a ration person, she really did! She always put ration and logic over hindering emotions...But now...When she can overthink in peace...The ration she held completely dissipated, and here she was, crying her heart out once again.

Why WAS she crying for, anyway?

Was it because she felt Mammon’s pain at having being used like that, against his will, because he’s an innocent and peaceful push-over? 

Was it because she remembered what happened to her, and her heart started aching like crazy, and she began to spiral? 

Was it because she felt plain, ordinary and completely nothing special, when she heard Lucifer saying that Maddi is the most beautiful person in the world and that’s why Mammon was lured in by her?

Or was it the guilt of being affected by jealousy and self-hatred before the pain from what that vile woman did to him?

What the hell was going on through her head, anyway? She heard enough opinions about her and how terrible of a girlfriend she was, why should she even have any hope that Mammon would ever like her? And why the hell was she worrying about that, when she should be worrying about the poor demon?!

She’s really nothing more than a selfish jerk.

As if on cue, she heard the familiar sound of a received message on her D.D.D., and curiosity won over her self-deprecating sulking, and she checked it out, making her heart skip a few beats.

It was Monnie, and he was asking if she was okay and why she left.

Tears started brimming in her eyes, and letting out a few more sobs, she realised that, even thought he doesn’t romantically love her, he will always be her best friend, and she was at least content with that, no matter how selfish she is.

She quickly texted him, asking if it was okay if she came over later, for a sleepover, and of course, he agreed, so the girl put a cardigan over her so it wouldn’t be too obvious she was in her pyjamas - Not that it mattered, anyway - and got some snacks, made some hot chocolate and went to Mammon’s room, finding him in a tanktop and some large pants, playing some game on his phone.

“Took you long enough!” Mammon grinned, making room for her to join him. “What’s with that face? You stormed out of there, so somethin’ must’ve bothered ya. Come on, y’know you can tell me.” he got in a sitting position, looking at her with a concerned look, but was met with silence for a many seconds, in which he feared he must have said something wrong. “I, uh...I guess I got worried about you after what they said...But I didn’t have the best reaction...I needed some time to think things over. It was pretty selfish of me to do that, instead of talking to you first...But I guess I’ve always been pretty selfish, haven’t I?” she chuckled nervously, still standing up, next to the bed. “What the hell are ya on about? Is it about that Maddi thing? Forget it, it happened long ago, it doesn’t bother me anymore.” he shrugged, looking away for a split second, only to look back at her. “I...Don’t think you’re over it.” she bit her lip, looking down, sucking at her teeth to stop herself from sketching any gesture on her face. “What do ya know about that, anyway? Come on, shut up and put the movie on, I ain’t got all day!” he tried to make her stop talking already, but she wasn’t exactly paying attention. “I had a similar experience too and...When I heard what happened, flashes of what happened went in front of my eyes and I started panicking. That’s why I ran away.” she spoke, her eyes glossed and unfocused. “Is that why ya wanted to hang out?” Mammon muttered softly, seeing her slowly nod her head. “I never told anyone...And so, nobody was there to care about me. But you always cared about me...And I wanted to do the same, for once.” she gulped, blinking and putting everything on the nightstand next to his bed. “...Come’re, dummy.” he sighed, tugging on her hand and making her sit on his lap, as was their ritual whenever one of them needed comfort. “Did I upset you, Monnie?” she asked, barely audible, making him put his hands on her shoulders, so she could properly look at him. “What?! Upset me?! ‘Course not! I-I’m happy that you thought of me, okay? It’s just...Yeah, it wasn’t nice, duh, but I’m a demon. I can take many things. But you’re such a frail little human. You’re small, fragile and soft, and since nobody wanted to bother getting to know such a nice gal like you, then I will always be there for you.” he put his hands on her face, trying to reach through to her. “...I was supposed to comfort you...Why did it go the other way around...? I was supposed to make sure you okay, that you’re smiling and that you can manage to get over what happened in the past...I wanted to be the one you can count on, for once...But I’m failing even at that...That’s how much of a selfish jerk I am...You deserve better than me, Monnie.” she hung her head, resting her forehead on his shoulder, not realising her words made him stiff, and tears prickled at his eyes. “Shut up, dummy! You’re a dummy! Dummy! Dummy! Never say things like that okay, got it?! Listen, I-I care about you, okay? I don’t care if you manage to comfort me or not, I just care that you think about me, okay? You’re the only one that gives a damn about me, and I appreciate that, okay? You see part of yourself in me, and I see a part of myself in you, so of course I want to keep you safe.” Mammon sighed, holding the girl close to his chest, playing with her hair, as he always did. “Monnie...Can I tell you something?” she muttered. It was now or never. If he hated her, so be it, but at least he knows. “Of course ya can, dummy. You can tell me anythin’ you want.” he said with an encouraging chuckle. “I...Left because I felt guilty. Because...My first thoughts were creeping with jealousy, instead of worrying about you and what happened, first and foremost. My brain fails me big time. And I feel really bad, ‘cause you deserve much better than some idiot who gets jealous over someone vile like...Her.” she let a few tears fall down her face, but poor Mammon was lost in his own head.

Jealous? Why the hell would she be jealous? What could she be jealous of? What is going on even?

“Why would you be jealous of her? You’re better than she’ll ever be, in every way. What the hell is going on through that head of yours, Y/N?” he frowned, flicking her forehead, unsure of how to react. “You heard how Lucifer and Satan spoke about her...And they are Lucifer and Satan. They spoke only praises about her...A-And I didn’t want her to be around you. Y-You’re my first man, Monnie, please understand what I’m saying.” she hid her face with her hands, her bottom lip quivering from embarrassment and guilt. “O-Oh...Ya like me?! Like...Like-Like me?! For reals?!” his voice became so cheerful and hopeful, and as soon as he saw her nodding, he started laughing very happily, kissing her forehead and taking away her hands from her face, his grin bright and dazzling like the first sunshine of Spring. “Cool, ‘cause I love ya too! I was sure you liked one of my brothers, they ain’t as problematic as me, but you like me, your first man, and I couldn’t be happier!” he started kissing her all over her face, making her blush like a tomato. “Why wouldn’t I like you? You’re the best. You’re the only one who has been genuine with me since the very beginning and cared about me. And spending time with you always is always calming and...You always make me happy. I forgot what it’s like to be happy since that happened...But whenever my brain goes stupid and I start overthinking, you always manage to keep me grounded...And I really appreciate you for that.” Y/N spoke out, making Mammon’s eyes water, and with the ordinary greedy impulse he had, he grabbed her face and kissed her deeply, without even realising what in the world happened. “Don’t fluster me like that, Y/N...Actually, do, I love it, but I’m not used to it.” he chuckled nervously, making the girl smile softly. “Can I do anything to make you feel better about...The past?” she asked sheepishly, her hands hanging awkwardly, unsure of what to do with them. “Well...The hot chocolate is going to get cold...And there’s snacks to eat and  movies to binge-watch...” he trailed on, snaking his arms around her waist, making her put hers on his shoulders. “Also...I want to make sure you’re comfortable with me, okay? I dunno what happened to you, but if it’s similar to what happened to me, I want to promise you that I will never do anythin’ you’re not okay with. I pinky promise.” Mammon spoke in a more serious voice, yet just as gentle. “I know, Angel eyes. I trust you the most out of everyone in this world. And I can promise you the same thing.” she managed to give him a proper smile, throwing her arms around him, hugging him tightly, feeling the comforting warmth of his body.

That embrace alone felt, for the both of them, like the sole safe home they ever had, and there was nothing that could break this dream-like state they were in. There was no negativity and no bad thought going through their mind, as the warmth and love of the hug was enough to disperse of any pest lingering and purging their sanity.

When they finally got the courage to let go of each other, fearing that they would disappear from this serenity state, they cuddled together in bed, drinking the now room temperature hot chocolate, eating so many snacks that they resembled Beel, and watching TSL on the huge plasma TV on the wall.

“Monnie?” Y/N raised her head to look up at him, love and admiration obvious in her sparkling eyes. “Thank you for existing in my life. I know you go through great lengths to take care of your brothers and make sure they’re happy...And I know you get hurt a lot in the process...But I really appreciate everything you’re doing, both for me and for them. I’m sure they see it too, they’re just too stupidly proud to admit to themselves...As usual.” she chuckled, reaching to hold his hand and intertwine their fingers together. “Thanks, Y/N. You’re the best. I’m really happy you came to talk to me...And I’m really happy you’re here with me. I love you.”

[qobiin]

to live for us

pairing: gratsu (gray x natsu)

genre: angst, fluff | established relationship, canon-compliant

warnings: mentioned suicide attempt, post-galuna island arc, hurt/comfort, gray needs therapy

word count: 1684

summary: Natsu and Gray finally sit down and talk about Gray's Iced Shell attempt on Galuna Island.

“We need to talk.”

Natsu looks up from the drink Mirajane set down on the table before him a few minutes ago. Gray is standing in front of him, arms crossed against his chest in an attempt to stop his hands from subconsciously removing his clothes.

It never works, but Gray is of the mind that it makes him appear more intimidating than he actually is. Of course, Natsu isn’t sure he could ever find someone who wears underwear with hearts on them intimidating.

“Finally!” Natsu cheers, forcing a smile onto his face even when it’s the last thing he wishes to do. “Back home then?”

Gray nods even as he scowls, but he turns on his heel and immediately makes his way towards Fairy Tail’s doors anyway. Natsu jumps up from his seat and waves goodbye to Lucy who is sitting at the bar with Erza.

Happy looks up at him as he stands, but Natsu only has to wave wordlessly at him before the blue cat returns to focusing on his food. Gray is already halfway across the room, not one to wait or beat around the bush for important conversations like the one they are going to have. Natsu follows after him with his signature smile stuck in place, making sure to not have anything appear out of the ordinary about this situation.

He catches a few Fairy Tail members giving them odd glances, probably due to his and Gray’s lack of fighting and loud taunting. Natsu only waves pointedly at them before they avert their gazes and return back to what they were doing beforehand.

Natsu does not try to be subtle as he sniffs the air, taking in the familiar mix of scents in the guild. Everyone in the guild has known him long enough to know about the extent of the abilities he gained through the Dragon Slayer Magic that Igneel taught him as a child. There’s no need to be secretive around his hoard anyway.

Out in the streets, trailing after Gray as he leads them home, Natsu tones down on his sniffing as best as he can. If he garners a few strange or confused looks though, he doesn’t beat himself up about it. Most of these people will write off his behavior as a weird wizard thing and continue on with their day as they give him a wide berth. There is no need to worry.

His attention is drawn back to the moment when the scents start to signal his proximity to their home. Gray reaches the front door first and unlocks it, leaving it open for Natsu behind him.

The smell of home almost knocks him off his feet as he crosses the threshold. It’s just his, Happy, and Gray’s scents here, with hints of Erza scattered all around. Albeit, Gray’s scent is a bit stale considering the fact this is his first time returning home since they came back from Galuna Island.

They escaped punishment for breaking guild rules because the master wasn’t there but Natsu would like to not switch bodies with anyone ever again. It has been a few days at this point and still, Gray has not returned home. Natsu has been waiting patiently for this moment when they will sit down and discuss what is wrong.

Gray is sitting on their bed, shoes off and hands gripping the bottom of his shirt. Natsu reaches out and stops him from stripping, eyes on Gray’s face as the man focuses back in on the moment at present.

“Thanks,” Gray mumbles sullenly, his gaze downcast.

Natsu doesn’t say anything. He merely waits.

“I know you’re mad at me, but if you could tell me why you’re mad at me, it would make my apologizing to you much easier,” Gray scrambles to say after a moment of silence has passed between them.

Natsu tilts his head to the side and inhales, tasting the nerves and fright swirling around the edges of Gray’s scent. He exhales heavily, sitting down slowly on the bed beside Gray.

He leans back and lies down, keeping his eyes on the ceiling and not the man who should have been home with him these past few days. “I’m not mad.”

Gray twists at the waist to stare at him, his shoulders a stiff line that Natsu isn’t sure he has permission to soothe just yet. “Lying won’t help.”

“I’m not mad,” Natsu repeats, relaxing as their scents begin to blend together. “I’m worried about you. You scared me back there when you were going to sacrifice yourself to restrain Lyon. You knew by doing it your way you were going to end your life and yet you tried anyway.”

The silence that befalls them then is deafening. It goes on long enough that Natsu wonders if he should be angry after all. After a few seconds of contemplation though, he decides that anger would not help him right now and waits patiently for Gray to say something.

However, the longer the silence continues, the less likely Natsu believes that to be. Gray isn’t known for talking about feelings. Not just his own, but discussing feelings in general always gives his face a pinched quality that Natsu can’t help but laugh at sometimes.

He isn’t laughing now.

“You remember what I said when I asked you if we could find a place together, right?” Natsu asks once he is certain Gray won’t say anything without more prompting.

Natsu sees Gray’s nod in the corner of his eye and grins up at the ceiling as he thinks of the memory. Gray’s eyes had gone wide with surprise, his scent expanding with the force of it and appealing to Natsu so much he barely realized how close he had been getting until Gray pushed him back with a hand on his bare chest. Natsu had leaned in again to bury his nose in Gray’s neck anyway and gulp down lungfuls of his scent, smiling as Gray threaded his fingers through his hair and asked him why.

“I told you that you were the first in the guild to be added to my hoard when we were children. That I would want you near almost always and would despise every moment that we were apart,” Natsu recalls, his smile softer at the edges now. “I told you I fell in love with you when we were teenagers and that I would like to make you my mate in the future and you accepted.”

Natsu waits again, just to see if Gray will say anything at all before he uses his last-ditch effort. “How am I going to make you my mate if you’re not there for the future?”

Gray makes a sound as if Natsu has just kicked all the air out of his chest. They have fought and sparred enough times for Natsu to know what that actually sounds like so when Gray wheezes, he sits up quickly. He reaches out and takes Gray’s hands, biting his lip as the man who is his opposite in almost everything finally begins to cry.

Natsu moves closer until he can wrap his arms around Gray, tucking his head under Natsu’s chin as he shakes. His breath hitches but Natsu only clutches him tighter, holding him securely in his arms even as Gray somehow migrates to his lap. Natsu doesn’t mind that, he just holds on and waits.

Eventually, Gray’s sobs begin to make sense. Most of what he is saying is a mantra of “I’m sorry”s and half-aborted “I didn’t mean to do that”s, but Natsu gets the gist. He shushes and rocks Gray in his arms, focusing on their scents instead of the urge to cry with his mate.

When the worst of Gray’s tears have dried up, Natsu kisses the side of his head and pulls back far enough for their gazes to meet. Gray’s eyes are red-rimmed and puffy but he isn’t avoiding Natsu’s gaze anymore and that’s definitely a start.

“I think what happened with Ur was only dragged back up at Galuna Island and you never really healed from it,” Natsu ponders aloud, tilting his head in silent question and continuing when Gray nods tiredly. “She raised you like Igneel raised me and we’ve never gotten over suddenly losing them. Have we?”

Gray has to clear his throat twice before he says, “I don’t think we’ll ever be over that.”

“No,” Natsu agrees. “We won’t.”

“I should talk to someone,” Gray murmurs, the corners of his mouth twitching with amusement when Natsu raises an unimpressed brow at him. “A professional. Mirajane has been saying I should talk to the Good Doctor who helped Elfman after…”

Natsu smiles bitterly in response. Elfman was not the only one who had to talk to the Good Doctor after Lisanna died after all. Gray knows about this, of course, but Natsu had never strived to convince him of talking to the Good Doctor until now.

“I can let them know at my next session to expect an inquiry from you?” Natsu suggests.

Gray nods, leaning in quickly to press a kiss to Natsu’s cheek. “I’m still sorry. I just didn’t know how to fix things back on Galuna Island.”

Natsu nods but knows without seeing that his smile is not as bright anymore. “I think you just have to remember that you’re not alone anymore. Neither of us is and I’ll always have your back. We’re Fairy Tail members and you’re the one who I want to spend the rest of my life with. I want us both to have long futures ahead of us.”

Gray’s cheeks flush a light pink, his scent curling with both embarrassment and quiet joy. “It will be hard, but I’ll try. If not for me or for you, then for Ur. For the life she gave me by giving up her own.”

“For Ur and Igneel,” Natsu agrees. “May they look upon us and see us happy. Together.”

“Together,” Gray assures him before he leans in and their lips meet in a soft kiss.

a/n: i forgot to post this when i first posted it on ao3, but i hope you all like this! this was written for icewhisper as part of the secret snipers exchange 2020!

[spacehologramcollection]

Kombat Kast in lockdown:

Real talk, I could have continued writing this. But I’m easing myself back into writing. Some nice fluff with a dash of NSFW. I’m planning on doing a part two, because this is very long. 

Warnings: Tooth rotting fluff, get your dentist on speed dial. Little bit of NSFW. Lockdown. 

18+ under the cut guys. 

I don’t own the GIFS. 

·         Kabal:

He’s ready for this. He’s prepared. He cannot wait to spend some quality time with you. Both pre and post burn would be so happy and stoked to spend time with you. Both pre and post burn Kabal, are going to be in their comfiest joggers, hair tied back and glasses on. Takes advantage of the time to catch up on some TV with you, play some videogames and also losing track of what day and time it is. Is 2am too early to make pancakes? No. Because you’re running on lockdown time. Awake at 3am trying to make Macrons because the video made it look so easy. Dancing around your shared apartment like idiots. Though, post burn Kabal would prefer just to hold you close and sway to the music. Lockdown pre-burn would be a dream come true for him. Lounging on the sofa, you’re laid flat against his chest, a hand in your hair. Bliss. Post-burn could be bad for his Mental Health. More time for him to think about his body and what he used to have. So, he may need a bit of TLC and a whole lot of body worship. He just needs to be reminded that he’s still the most handsome man on the planet. Also, reading comics at 3 in the morning. You’re sat crossed leg on the floor, surrounded by pillows, he’s super into comics and nerdy things. He’ll be sat eagerly watching you read his favourite issue, watching your reaction, he knows them off by heart so he’s waiting for you to react to his favourite scene. Debates to no end on who could kick who’s ass. Late nights, lazy mornings and afternoons. Post-Burn Kabal will refuse to put a shirt on. Just lounging around in his joggers. He will need a hand shaving his hair. He always needs a hand with the back. He will let it get a little longer during lockdown. Maybe, if you beg hard enough, he may let you spike it. Best lockdown buddy. Also, Ninja mime marathon, with a drinking game thrown in. Working from home is hard. Especially with his fine arse on your couch. Smiling as you’re on a zoom call. Screaming ‘TELL THEM I SAID HI’ Post-burn Kabal won’t want to appear on them as much. Often miming the action for a drink, bringing you lunch and also looking over your shoulder. Before kissing you softly on the cheek.

         Cassie Cage:

She’s pretty sure her mum is going to flip her shit. But she doesn’t care. She doesn’t want to work-out or train to her absolute limits. You’re here with her and she wants to chill out with you and hang out with you. Like a normal fucking couple. So, she’s breaking a few rules for you. Don’t tell no one about that though. Your both in lockdown in her apartment. You’re both debating if the hallway should be neon orange or neon pink. You’re bored so you end up redecorating the place. Stained. Hair. A playful splat on the nose turns into a mini paint fight. You both also make handprints on the wall together. Because that’s one way to remember it… that and she saw it in Up and though it was cute. Getting wasted happens a few times too. She admits she wants you to be like the couple from UP, but she doesn’t want it to be as sad. She’s also on the floor sobbing because the brownies aren’t done yet. A lockdown with Cassie is fun every day. She ordered a bath bomb for you both to take a relaxing bath together. She also ordered you a few beers to enjoy whilst in there too. She gets pissed with how long her hair is getting. So, it’s time for the undercut to make a comeback. Queue Cassie bringing out the clippers and asking you to help her cut her hair shorter. Playfighting to no end. She’s let you pin her a few times, you’re pretty sure it’s sympathy, but you’ll take that victory. If you suggest a Ninja Mime marathon, she’s straight up refusing. This is a mini vacation from her parents. She doesn’t need to see a full feature length marathon of her dad. Weird food concoctions galore. You’re also dying each other’s hair stupid colours. She literally texts Jacqui ‘Pick a colour’ and then that’s it, you’ve dyed your hair. She’s so full of energy and it’s infectious. She’ll always make you smile. If you have to work from home, she’s going to try and be quite, but she wants to know what you’re doing. Everyone thinks she’s great in your work calls, she’s often requested to say hi. They love her.

·         Smoke (Tomas Vrbada): Smoke is more on the introverted side. He’s got books picked out. He aims to read a book a day where possible. And he’s totally keeping a reading log, so he has something to look back on. If you’re cooped up in the Lin Kuei temple, he’s going to be more stressed. There’s something ever so slightly stressful about been stuck with Bi-Han who gets very restless. That, and he thinks you both have to be quite, because everyone there is a nosey bastard. The one-time Smoke called you his dove, Bi-Han teased him and took the piss for three weeks straight. He can’t be dealing with that. That and he will eventually give up getting dressed. He will walk around in his dragon onesie, attempting to get some food. Ignoring all of Kuai’s attempts for him to get dressed. He’s in lockdown mode. Which means, his comfy socks are on, the string lights are on, and he’s ready to cuddle up with you. You did, once walk into the kitchen to see Bi-Han and Tomas dancing terribly, an empty bottle of vodka on the table, Kuai face in his hands blocking out the terrible dancing.  He’d also much prefer to be in lockdown in your apartment. In a mass of blankets, some ice-cream, lots of string lights and some good TV on. He’d take this opportunity to teach you a little Czech too. Also, in your apartment he can wear his dragon onesie and dance with you like an idiot. Without judgement and shaming the Lin Kuei. And embarrassing Kuai. A lot of terrible dancing, spinning, him picking you up and throwing you onto the sofa playfully. He becomes a little more extroverted around you. Don’t get me wrong he loves nothing more than comfy silence, reading in bed, whilst you’re drawing circles on his chest. But there’s something fun about eating brownie and pizza at 2 in the morning. Fucking wild. If you need to work from home, he respects your space and will sit silently reading, looking over and smiling as you work. He’ll bring you tea and sit crossed leg on the sofa with you. Your workmates think you’ve hit the jackpot.

Bi-Han:

He fucking hates lockdown. He doesn’t want to get sick. But he hates the same four walls. He starts irritating people on purpose. Not you though. Your precious and he loves you. But Kuai and Smoke are fair game. Queue hiding Smokes special shampoo, replacing Kuai’s uniform with one that’s too small for him. Winding people up to their limits. Because he’s bored and was born to be a little shit. At your apartment everything is different. He knows Kuai is more than capable of running things without him around. And is more than happy to do this for him. So, he’s off. He’s usually in his underwear, teasing the fuck out of you. Pray you don’t have to work from home, because he’s very distracting. Always stood behind the laptop when you’re on that zoom meeting, slowly slipping those joggers lower and lower. Lord have mercy on your soul. He does make appearances in your calls. On his best behaviour. Envy of everyone. He’ll cook for you when you’re working too. If you’re not working, he’ll always insist on cooking with you, he used to love cooking with Kuai when he was younger. But he’s grown up now and is grumpy all the time. He misses it. But he loves cooking with you. Queue you both dancing whilst waiting for the food to cook. Spinning you around. Maybe a quick make out session on the counter. He wants a bit of normality, and whilst the situation may not be normal, it’s sure as hell more normal than his usual schedule. He gets a little philosophical in the early hours of the morning. Talking about your future, if you want kids, what kind of dog you want, that sort of stuff. It’s times like this, where your both sat on your kitchen floor, sharing a drink, eating some good food, he’s glad he’s back to his usual self. You’re his everything and he doesn’t tell you that often enough. He loves been able to fall asleep with you and cuddle up with you. Loves waking up at a normal time and lounging in bed with you. Your lockdown time brings you closer together, to the point he probably would propose to you during lockdown. He hasn’t got a ring, but please accept his headband. Just till he can get you one.  

·         Kuai Liang (Sub Zero): Oho. Kuai is in for a rude awakening. He won’t want to leave Arktika. He cannot leave his clan. Bi-Han can be trusted, but he wants to remain with his clan. He’ll apologise that you’ve got to spend lockdown in the cold, but he’ll make sure you’re comfortable and have everything you may want and or need. He’s very curious when you’re working from home. He must admit he finds it interesting that you can still do your job, in the middle of bumfuck nowhere. When people ask where you are, you have to lie, and you’re not sure they buy that your boyfriend owns a castle. But hey fucking ho. It’ll do. You’ve caught him once or twice drifting past, tea in hand, trying not to glance at your screen, when you’re on a call. You end up dragging him into the call and introducing him. Luckily, he’s in some more normal clothes. So, no questions get dragged up. He’s always handing you tea and bringing you sweet snacks to keep you going. Soft kisses on the forehead when he knows no one is watching. You kind of feel easier been at the temple. It’s in the middle of nowhere, which actually makes you calm and keeps you chilled. Kuai will make sure the fire is stoked. He’ll also leave you to work and will keep checking on you. He’s busy with his brother and the Lin Kuei. But he makes a habit of you both having lunch together. He’ll bring you lunch and you’ll both sit and eat together. On an evening in his free time, he spends it all with you. Asking about your day, asking how it went and if you’re okay. A lot of catching up in bed, with you both laid there, his arms wrapped around you, whilst you rest on his chest. He’ll whisper sweet things to you, brush the hair from your face and remind you that you’re his everything. Lockdown with Kuai has a lot of structure. And it’s nice to spend time with him.

·         Hanzo Hasashi (Scorpion):

He’s very similar to Kuai. He has a whole clan of ninja to run so he’s got to be out and about. So, if you need to work from home, he gets it… though he doesn’t need a laptop to do his work. Queue him leaving early and coming back late. He does make a habit of dropping in when you’re on lunch to take you for a walk through the gardens. He’ll also leave origami and notes for you to wake up to. He loves having you around, and very much like Kuai, he’d prefer you to be with the Shirai Ryu. You’re safe her and he does love waking up to you every morning. He loves it so much. He does actively avoid your zoom calls though. He’s a ninja so he’s pretty good at stealthy walking around, dipping and diving to avoid featuring on there. He just doesn’t like a lot of attention. He does end up one though. He had managed to secure a lie in. His bones were aching from training the night before. Takeda was entrusted with waking him… though he thought Grandmaster Grumpy face deserved a lie in. When he awakens, he lazily walks out of your shared room, wondering where you are, shirtless and only in some pants. Rubbing the sleep from his eyes. Only to softly say your name, open them, to see you’re smiling up at him awkwardly. You’re on a company wide call, and he’s stood there shirtless, hair tussled, and looking like sin incarnate. Queue a lot of people whistling so loudly, he can hear from the headphones you’re wearing. He mutters some swears in Japanese before moving on. You can’t help but giggle a lot, which makes him chuckle to himself. He’s stoic so there ain’t no teasing. But he does love folding the laptop down when you’re working over. Muttering how you can’t overwork yourself. Which is very hypocritical, but you’re not arguing. And you know you need a break, queue Hanzo suggesting a relaxing bath and cooking together. Slow dancing around his room is something he’s reluctant to do, but he does do it with you, because those eyes can’t get any bigger.  He loves this lockdown period. And he grows used to having you around all the time. Soft kisses and romantic talks, Philosophical debates and him slightly complaining about training. Takeda loves that you’re here. Hanzo isn’t such a hard arse with you round.

·         Johnny Cage:

Oh, fuck yes. Lockdown. He’s going to write a screenplay, arrange his awards, build that shelf for the Oscar he’s definitely winning this year. Reply to some fan mail… that was until you wake up and walk out in one of his shirts. His plan definitely changes. You end up trying on all his sunglasses, all his jackets and rings and pretending to be him. Which makes him laugh a lot. He’s sure he doesn’t actually walk and sound like that… does he? He hopes not. He’ll try and install a routine, but that goes out of the window the first night. You’re sat drinking smoothies at 1 in the morning. You’ll become nocturnal. So, it’s a good job he doesn’t have neighbours close by. Two-man parties, with you skyping Cassie, so you all can hang out together. Dancing around, playing those shitty games. Cassie and Johnny get competitive with trivial pursuit and monopoly. You’ve never seen anything like it. It’s insane. You both take the time to catch up on TV together, Johnny has a terrible habit of pointing out all the parts he could have had. But you know, turned down. He’s always got the best food in and best quarantine snacks. Whatever your heart desires he’s got it. Best internet too. So, working from home is so easy and so comfy. You’re the envy of your workmates. Who are very jealous you’re basically in quarantine in a mansion. Johnny does walk past your zoom call on purpose, pretending to act all coy about it. Just waiting to hear a squeal from someone who didn’t know you actually dated Johnny Cage. Que your sigh and inviting him over. He practically leaps onto the sofa. Arm around you. A smug smile as he introduces himself. Not like he’s been bicep curling his award behind you. He’ll also love doing facemasks with you. Nothing better than a pamper night on the couch, some crappy movie in the background (Not one of his though) and some good wine and food. He’s literally in heaven.

·         Raiden:

He needs to consult the Elder Gods before he can spend time with you. Taking the piss obviously. He doesn’t get sick, so he offers to go into the outside world for you if need be. He doesn’t mind taking one for the team. He’s interesting to spend Lockdown with. He’s so fascinated by everything in your apartment. He’s so interested in what you do for work. When you reveal that you’re working from home, he’s watching you from the sofa, cup of tea in his hand. He’s got that face on him. The one where he wants to ask a question but he’s not sure if he’s allowed to. When he sees you’re in a meeting, he asks what you’re doing, so you may just joke ‘Consulting the Elder God Bob, God of financing and accounts’ He does chuckle at that. He does a lot of self-care and a lot of reminding you to look after yourself. As soon as it hits time to clock off, he’s tapping the clock, shaking his head before gently reminding you, that you need to rest and relax and that you’ve earned it. He’s brewed some fresh tea and he would like you to join him. He’s so good to you. He doesn’t do been on the zoom calls though. He has waved once or twice. But other than that, he kind of watches curiously. He’s read all the books in your apartment, if you’ve got a cat, he’s in fucking heaven. Like, you’re cat ain’t walking over your screen, because he’s snuggled up to Raiden. The man is a magnet for cats. If your apartment is a little disorganised, he may sort it out. That cupboard full of mismatched Tupperware and pans, all sorted, all with the correct lids. You could cry when you pull out a pan and it’s got the right lid on it. He’ll love baking with you too. He’s a sucker for freshly baked bread and he teaches you how to make it. Nothing nicer than him having him wrapping his arms around your waist whilst you’re baking. Lockdown equals privacy and he’s taking advantage of his rare opportunity. At night he’ll love to sit on your balcony, watching the stars and enjoying the fresh air. He’s so warm and he’s got a comforting smell to him. He’s literally bliss.

·         Fujin: (Fujin could raw me after the trailer not going to lie)

Windy boi is happy he gets a break from all the bullshit. He does miss Raiden though. They don’t often spend a lot of time away from each other. So, he’s constantly communicating with him. But you make everything easier. That, and he wants to make sure you don’t get sick. By the Elder Gods he can’t have that. Likewise, if you have a cat, please let him hold and pet it. Nothing better than you looking up from your work call, seeing him stood there holding your cat, smiling away and scratching its chin. He appears often in your zoom call. Envy of all your colleagues, because who has hair that perfect and healthy. They ask for his stylist. He’s not sure how to respond to that. He got called a DILF and you had to explain that to him. You had to explain what a DILF was to the god of wind. Holy fuck it was awkward. He’ll let you braid his hair and he’ll also love it when you shower together. Because he loves been close and intimate with you. And the shower is a private place, so he feels he can open up and be more intimate with you without judgement. He’s still shy and new to this whole relationship thing. So, lockdown allows him to be close to you. You’ll also get to introduce him to pop culture. He’s not sure what to think about it. He’s got such a strange, dry sense of humour. When you’re watching Ninja Mime you hear him just say, ‘A clown in the movies, a clown in real life. Art imitates real life’ And you lose your shit. It’s the funniest thing to leave his mouth. He kind of loses it too. He gets really into Game of Thrones. He’s so into it. You don’t know how to tell him how the last season was shit. You don’t have the heart to break it to him. Teaching him to dance too. Oh god. Him getting a bit flustered and picking you up over his shoulder and spinning you around. Also, I can see lockdown running into summer, so you’ve got your own personal fan. At night, he’ll love to settle down in bed with you, whilst you talk absolute shit. You can bitch about anything, and he will listen, provide quips and make you feel better. He has no idea who Kate in Marketing is, but he knows, we don’t like her. I headcanon Fujin is pretty damn musically talented, so he’ll just randomly pick up that guitar or violin that’s there because A. Aesthetically pleasing and B. bought to try and discover a new hobby. And he’ll just start playing it. He loves seeing you smile too and he’s there for you if lockdown ever gets too much. He lives to make you smile.

[write-ur-wrongs]

Request: Geralt and reader with their child (even though its impossible😂 lets just say some magic did it) when geralts mom visenna wants to see her grandchild ... but Geralt is torn because she left him when he was a kiddo

I had so much fun writing this!! Thank you sweet anon for the request :’) 

Word count: 2078.

                                ____________________________

It was always a welcome surprise when letters arrived at your doorstep. Sometimes your family members would write, keeping you posted on what was going on in their little lives across the continent. Sometimes your own witcher would write you, and while his letters were never long, you always had a laugh when Jaskier would scrawl over the back, adding his own little twist on their tales. Every now and then one would arrive from someone Geralt had saved somewhere along his travels. You kept these in a cherished old chest beneath your bed and pulled them out when you needed to be reminded why Geralt couldn’t always be home with you.

It had been ages since you had to pull out that chest for comfort, though. Nowadays, everything you needed was right here with you. You had Geralt to wake up to every morning, Ciri to raise, Roach to train and tend to, your dear friend Jaskier, and finally your beautiful daughter, Wren.

To say Wren was a surprise would be an understatement. Witchers couldn’t have children, you knew this. You also knew that you loved Geralt and Ciri more than anything. When you and Geralt decided to get married, it took you so long to convince him you’d be alright with just them; that with them, you’d be more than whole.  

You had a beautiful wedding. Ciri by your side, Jaskier serenading on the lute, Eskel as officiant. You had your friends and family with you, and Geralt had his. Together you made a blissful pair.

It was late in the evening, everyone was flushed with ale and laughter, and you had somehow managed to keep Geralt on the dancefloor for more than his standard two songs.

You watched fondly as Geralt’s old friends teased him mercilessly, their gruff faces warm with fond smiles. Watching young Ciri be twirled by Vesemir, Geralt looked softer than you’d ever seen him. You shook your head at them and laughed to yourself, thrilled to see your big, brooding witcher truly happy.

It was so hard to remember a time when you were happier.

The party had fizzled out by the time Yennefer appeared. She had kissed Ciri softly on her forehead before bidding her goodnight, and held Geralt in a long embrace. You watched them from across your yard with a tight smile; you knew you had no reason to be jealous, but still. It had stung a little.

That jealousy is something you’d regret for the rest of your days, because right after she let go of him Yen made her way over to you and gifted you with something beyond your wildest dreams; fertility.

And thus, was born Wren, your beloved and cherished girl. The first of her kind, surely to grow up to be as strong as her sister Cirilla and as enchanting as her Godmother Yennefer.

Now, sitting in the kitchen as the morning sun came pouring in, you watched with adoration as Wren mushed her breakfast between her chubby little fingers, pushing it around and painting bright streaks across her cheeks.

“Eat your berries my sweet girl,” you laughed, wiping what you could off her little face. Wren squealed gleefully as you pinched her stomach lightly, waving her sticky hands as she giggled.

Still laughing, you turned to greet Ciri as she came in the front door, dropping a basket of herbs on the floor.

“Mom,” Ciri said, out of breath from her excited run from the mailbox, “there’s a letter for dad!”

“Oh?” You examined the thick envelop between your fingers curiously. It was too high a quality to be from any of the villages Geralt had visited before your pregnancy, but not so luxurious as to be from a royal family he’d impressed years prior.

“Is it from Aunt Yen?” Ciri asked, through loud bites of an apple.

“I don’t think so, hon” you said, running your fingers over the fine penmanship used to spell out your husbands’ name. “This isn’t her handwriting.”

“Maybe she wrote it with magic?” Ciri mused looking over your shoulder, “an enchanted quill might have its own style.”

“I suppose you never know,” you agreed, brow furrowed as you weighed the envelop in your hands, finally dropping it on the kitchen counter. “We will have to wait for your father to return to find out.”

“Can’t we just open it now? You used to read his mail all the time.” Ciri said, still loudly chewing on her apple.

“That was long ago when your dad was still travelling, Ciri,” you chided, “and close your mouth when you chew.”

“Fine,” Ciri rolled her eyes and ruffled her little sisters’ hair, “but call me when he’s back. I’m going to train on the trail.”

“Be back for dinner please,” you said, reaching back to smooth down Ciri’s cloak.

“Got it, mom,” she said, kissing the top of your head and ruffling Wren’s hair once more on her way out.

You shook your head and smiled as you watched her run out the back door, turning your attention back to your tiny tot and doing your best to ignore the letter on the counter as you cleaned up Wren’s mess.

“Up you get you little goose,” you say as you scoop Wren up into your arms and carry her to your large basin in the kitchen. The water should be the perfect temperature by now, after all it’s been about an hour since you took it off the hearth.

Wren settled happily into her bath but it took almost all your energy to keep your focus off the letter on the counter behind you.

By the time Ciri had returned, the sun had set and Geralt was still nowhere to be seen. You spent all of dinner trying to distract Ciri – it seemed all she wanted to do was discuss the letter.

When Geralt finally came home, the moon was high on the horizon and Wren was blissfully asleep in your arms. Ciri practically jumped on her father, shoving the letter excitedly in his face, begging him to open it right then.

You saw the change in his face happen quickly. One moment he was beaming down at his child surprise, and the next he seemed numb, distant. The more Ciri spoke of the letter, the more you saw Geralt’s anger bubble to surface.

Unwilling to let Geralt blow up at Ciri – something you knew from experience he’d regret deeply – you quickly interjected.

“Ciri, baby, take your sister to bed, would you?” You said quickly, handing Wren to her sister before she could contest.

“Mom the letter –” she began.

“Cirilla,” you said, gently but with a tone that signaled finality, “take Wren to bed.”

She frowned at you slightly, big mousey eyes begging for a chance to be a part of what she knew would be a big discussion.

“I’ll come tuck you in later.” You said meaningfully, giving her arm a squeeze. Ciri gave you her big grateful eyes and you swallowed a smile and nodded her toward the bedrooms.

Once the girls were off to bed and out of earshot you turned back to Geralt, who had ripped the letter open and sat stock-still on the chair by the door. His golden eyes were vacantly scanning the letter he held in one hand while the other rested firmly over his mouth.

You made your way over to him hesitantly as his face grew sourer the farther he read.

“Is Yennefer well?” you tried, praying Ciri was right about the elusive writing style of enchanted quills.

When Geralt’s golden eyes met yours though, you knew you were wrong; or right, depending on the case. Yennefer hadn’t written this infamous letter, and by the looks of the man before you, you weren’t sure you wanted to know who had.

“Do – um, Is uh… Are you…?” you sputtered, desperate to find to right thing to say.

Geralt put the parchment down and crushed it in his hand. While you waited for him to make his next move, you sunk to your knees before him, placing a steady hand on his knee in comfort. Your other hand betrayed your nerves and trembled as you clutched at the necklace around your neck.

It felt like eternity before Geralt brought his eyes up to yours, and you could feel your heart beating through your chest as you waited.

“It’s… from Visenna.” He said through clenched teeth, barely audible.

It took you a moment to put two-and-two together, but once you did, your eyes grew wide.

“Your mother?” you asked, almost as quiet as he’d been.

He gave you a low, ‘hum’, in response, jaw tense as his eyes looked vacant.

When you spoke again, you brought your other hand to his knee and gave both a comforting squeeze.

“Why did she write you, Geralt?”

He closed his eyes and signed slowly through his nose, only relaxing his clenched jaw once his hand clutched around yours. You gave his hand another squeeze and leaned down to lay a gentle kiss atop your hands, looking up at him through your lashes.

“She wants to meet Wren.” He said quietly, brushing a stray strand of hair out of your face.

You screwed your face in confusion. “How does she even know –” you started.

“Says she’s always wanted a grand-child,” he interrupted you bitterly, golden eyes dark with hurt.

You scoffed under your breath, unable to imagine the rationale of someone who wanted grandchildren sending their only child off to the Witchers for mutation. When you looked up and saw the expression on your husbands face though, you put your own strife aside and cupped his face in both your hands.

“What are you thinking, my love?” you asked gently, brushing your thumb along his stubbly cheek.

A single tear left Geralt’s eyes. He did his best to blink them away, hiding his face into your palm.

“She’s my mother –” he choked through tears, swallowing repeatedly to keep himself from sobbing.

“Okay,” you hum soothingly, stroking away his tears as they fell, “If she wants to meet Wren, she can do so with all three of us present. We can invite Jaskier and any of your brothers from Kaer Morhen – Hell, let’s invite Yennefer. We both know Yen would kill anyone who even thinks about harming her Goddaughter and Gods, Cirilla isn’t about to let anyone hurt her sister either,” you were rambling now, saying anything you could to see Geralt relax.

“You – You’d be alright with that?”

“Oh, love,” you said, running your thumb gently across his cheek, “my only concern right now is whether you are alright with that.” You waited a beat before adding, “You don’t need to let her into our lives if you don’t want to, Geralt. Mother or not, you owe her nothing.”

He let out another sigh before standing you both up, taking your hands in his. You held each other tightly with only the sound of the crackling fire of the hearth playing around you.

Geralt pulled away from you just enough to let your lips meet in soft kiss.

“You know…” you said lightly, quirking up a brow, “Ciri isn’t going to sleep until we tell her about the letter.”

Geralt hummed out a laugh, shaking his head at his daughter’s unsatiable curiosity. “Maybe we can wait her out, she surely trained hard today,” he said, tilting his head toward the filthy pile of clothes Ciri had thrown unceremoniously onto the floor of the entryway.

“I wonder where she picks up these little habits,” you laughed, hugging Geralt from behind and pointing to the bloody sword and boots he’d abandoned by the door just moments prior. You felt the low rumble of his laugh through his back and laid a small kiss between his shoulder blades before pulling away.

“You know don’t have to decide anything tonight, Geralt,” you said, brushing your fingers through his hair, “and you certainly don’t need to tell Ciri everything.”

He hummed happily as your nails scratched his scalp and turned to take you into his arms once more.

“Let’s discuss and decide it together, then,” he said with a smile, nodding his head towards girls’ room, “as a family.”

You smiled up at him then, certain that no matter what was you all chose to do, you would be okay.

“As a family,” you repeated, leading him down the hall.

[djemsostylist]

I think I posted something last week about plot vs. character, and damn was episode 34 the prime perfect example of this.  The entire episode was Plot.  Plot said “do this” so the characters did it, regardless of whether or not it made sense. 

In a way, this episode was more infuriating than all the others written by this team, and not because of the lackluster ending--that was both expected and honestly right in keeping with how terribly this entire plot has been handled.  But while previous episodes have been nothing but repeats of one singular plot line over and over (Eda and Serkan snark fight--Eda throws Deniz in Serkan’s face, Serkan throws Selin in Eda’s, there is one nice moment, Serkan is a dick again and Eda cries alone) this episode took things to the extreme with plot devices, and after nearly 7 weeks, I’m tired. 

I hate it it here. 

Everyone seems to have been excusing the Eda/Deniz mess for weeks, but I can’t.  It’s honestly far stupider to me than the Selin plot--the Selin plot is cruel on Serkan’s side and makes me want to wring necks, but the Eda/Deniz bullshit is just so completely nonsensical as to be almost more infuriating.  

I’ve seen a lot of apologizing on Eda’s behalf over this whole thing (she doesn’t owe Serkan anything, he is the one who is in a real relationship etc) but I think trying to examine any of this mess from a “what is the character thinking” angle is an exercise in futility.  The entire plot does not make any sense unless your goal is, when Serkan finally remembers, to have him think Eda has moved on and is better off without him.  Which is, I’m nearly certain, what these writers intended.  Despite Serkan’s last minute change of heart, I’m fairly sure they meant to have him NOT go to her.  So this whole plot is another “keep edser apart” thing which I hate. 

But if we are trying to make it “make sense” then Eda just appears dumb.  After her emotional outbursts in 29 (which are the last time any of her actions made sense) failed to get anything out of Serkan other than panic, her impulsively getting engaged is, I guess, sort of in character.  The problem is then that because these writers are so terrible, every single Eda scene becomes her looking sadly at Serkan (tears may appear, or may not), then actively working to piss him off, then rubbing Deniz in his face and refusing to answer any questions about their life, and then ending it by looking crushed.  If the goal was to get Serkan to fall back in love with her, the Eda we have been given for the past 6 or so episodes bears little resemblance to the woman Serkan fell in love with.  He fell in love with her heart, her creativity, her spontaneity, her love for others, her willingness to stand by and support him and those she cared for, her drive and ambition.  Eda in the last few episodes has been given almost zero chance to display any of these qualities in front of Serkan--what exactly is he supposed to fall back in love with?  A woman who repeats ad nauseum she is over him and doesn’t want him and has a far better love now?  And other than two(?) business related scenes, he’s seen little of her talent or ability, she doesn’t have any room to show her heart (you know, by say helping out Ceren or bonding with Piril or idk ANYTHING) and she certainly isn’t standing by him.  Eda has been reduced to a plot device in her own story to prevent forward story progression, and it’s annoying as hell.  The fact that the episode actually had a scene of her sobbing over missing Serkan and then still somehow maneuvered into not only going through wedding prep, but actively tricked and convinced into going through a whole fucking wedding ceremony for a man who wasn’t even present is frankly one of the more appalling things they’ve done.  The question remains--what exactly was Serkan supposed to fall back in love with?

To touch on what they’ve done to Serkan’s character would take a book, but last night’s episode took it to the extreme.  Eda claimed a few episodes ago to be “falling more in love with him” and it’s like, I’m as equally baffled by her falling more in love as I am with him falling at all in love.  Serkan has been become an asshole--snarky, bitter, annoying and entirely unlikable.  Any moments of softness are immediately replaced by a scene of him being a complete asshat, and it’s hard to remember what I found endearing about butthead Serkan of the earlier episodes.  But he has shown zero signs of actually being in love with Eda--I guess maybe we are supposed to take his pseudo obsession for love, but I found it more fascination or attraction than love.  Every element of their old relationship he found stupid and dumb, and with no opportunity to actually see or get to know the Eda he fell in love with, we are reduced to him suddenly becoming obsessed with her smell and being either jealous or annoyed over Deniz.  He literally got high--all inhibitions down, and still acted mostly giggly and confused, not smitten.  His first response after getting his memories isn’t to immediately run to Eda, it’s too joke with Engin about their youth and then mention that breaking up the wedding would be rude.  

I know I’m probably in the minority, but I hated last night’s episode.  I can’t get joy out of a cute scene that was pretty much just H&K having fun with a script when it has literally not bearing or affect on the plot.  I can’t get enjoyment out of a dress unbuttoning or a shirt buttoning when it has no bearing on the plot.  And when Eda is wearing another man’s ring and standing at the wedding table with another man and wearing a dress for another man and presumably saying evet to another man while Serkan is stubbornly refusing to breakup with a woman he barely tolerates and all their friends (except Ferit) seem to be either stupid or mean (I love Melo but encouraging her to keep up the game was horrible fucking advice, especially when Eda is a sobbing mess), I can’t like it.   Yay, Serkan got his memory back, but this has to be collectively the worst bunch of 7 episodes culminating in what might be the world’s stupidest plot I have ever seen.  I’m sorry, crap is crap, and I’m not gonna call a shit sandwich delicious for a glimpse of the actors having fun.  If I wanted to watch H&K be cute, I’d go watch a bunch of their old lives.  I watch a show for the characters, and until they are back, I just simply don’t care.  

I am a Salt Queen, on a throne built of Bitterness and Pettiness and Bile.  

[psalloacappella]

reprise

Day 4 Prompt:  Teamwork // “I’ll protect you.”

@sasusakublankperiodweek

Ao3 | FFN | ↓

So then, so now. In the simmering tangerine heat, she stands waiting in knee-high boots and the skirt he’s seen her in so often, and he commits her shape to memory through each stage of the return of his sharp sight.

He’s released into a humid dawn with nothing to his name but guilt and the clothes on his back. Things borrowed — the bruises under his eyes, blue.

Emerging from the other side of something indescribable, carrying much more but somehow much less than he arrived with.

Feeling light without the chains of metal and melancholy, the weight of all he’s done. A cyclical cadence of small cold rooms lit by garish bare bulbs and sneers barely concealed by skeptical guards, the entreaties of the interrogation unit, unsure if the gradually softening questions are piteous or a tactic. The same stories to different ears, and the people who adore him creeping at the corners and doors to ensure his treatment is humane.

As the “assigned medic,” as one of the few determined to be able to have even a chance of preventing an escape he has no desire to execute, she’s been his doctor since the first day and his advocate throughout, bringing a semblance of level headedness to the proceedings that Naruto, bless him, isn’t talented in articulating. He’d prefer to raise his voice, brandish fists if he has to, the declaration that he’ll come to blows for his best friend.

So then, so now. In the simmering tangerine heat, she stands waiting in knee-high boots and the skirt he’s seen her in so often, and he commits her shape to memory through each stage of the return of his sharp sight.

They speak around him, Sakura and the last shinobi guard. He lets them.

“He’s been released into my care,” she says stubbornly, folding her arms. Tapping her foot.

The guard has clear reservations, regards her with skepticism.

A fluttering flare of her nostrils, a habit he noticed on day twenty-six; but really, it had only been a forgotten tic of yesteryear, a habit Naruto or even their sensei never failed to induce in her.

“I’m his . . . doctor. I’ll take this from here, thank you.” The acknowledgement is perfunctory, with an edge of dismissal.

She doesn’t unfold her arms or let them fall to her sides until the guard’s long gone, reporting to his next post or perhaps the Hokage’s office, the smoke from his departure whirling and blending with the ripple of a rising summer heat.

Sakura turns, careful to avoid his eyes.

“I suppose that’s that. It’s nice to see you, Sasuke-kun.”

Resists the urge to say he saw her yesterday, and the idiot too, that they’d been around spending far too much time with a criminal, even if newly pardoned. His upcoming stint of house arrest still indicates otherwise.

He knows all the words that would be kind, human, and reasonable to say. Embodying any of those personal qualities would be nice. Instead:

“Why are you here?”

“Actually, I moved around my schedule to make sure I’d be here.”

“I didn’t ask for that.”

“I know.”

She’s not miffed or bothered by him, and that’s what hurts the most. That she expects him to be this:  Curt, angry. Broken, fragile. Physically he’s coming together; mentally he’s held up with thin, fraying strings.

She inhales before beginning again, already sounding wary of his potential response.

“For now they’ve assigned you to your previous living space. In the old district.” For all her poise and command when beholding the human body, ever the professional, the fusion of skin and sinew and soul in need of tender loving repair, she’s fiddling with the edge of her skirt and all he wants to do is make her stop.

“I said it wasn’t a good idea,” she adds, intent on staring just past his ear. “No one has been there for years. It’s not your burden.”

“It’s fine.” The strain of unuse, and a little swift. A little mean. Without any further gesture, he turns and heads down the street, the gravitational pull of family ghosts too strong to defy. Then he stops, realizing he’s awkward, unsteady, and forever difficult to read.

Looks at her over his shoulder.

“I’m your escort.” She sounds apologetic, quiet.

He wills her to look him in the eyes, but won’t meet hers. Oh, what does that make him? A coward at best.

He waits until she catches up, their difference in height more than he remembers.

The sensation of her lingering at his shoulder, though, sears through his bones as the catalyst heat of sparks on flint, a familiar biological imprint that feels like coming home.

.

.

Three days in a row, she comes to his doorstep.

Three days in a row, she pleads her case.

“Do you think this is good for you? Emotionally, I mean. Sleeping with the ghosts of your past?”

The first attempt to shake her loose goes poorly, and Uchiha Sasuke experiences for the first time and certainly not the last how charmingly infuriating it is to have her stubborn nature focused on him, a spotlight.

Ignoring her questions, unwilling to place a fine point on his obvious dysfunction. “Why are you here, Sakura?”

“What part of ‘released into my care,’ escapes you? You wouldn’t have liked the alternative.”

Each morning visit reveals a wilder man:  A little more gaunt, covered in an additional thin layer of dust. She’s terrified the house, this cursed and unforgiving compound moaning his name, will take him back, as moss commandeers the forest floor, as nature reclaims its kin.

“You at least need to eat. Turn on some lights, open windows.”

Sasuke stares at nothing, everything, and in some terrifying moments, only her.

Pressing her knuckles to her lips as she wanders the old rooms, a tomb of memories laden with the skeletons of furniture, saturated with the kinesthesia of many extinguished lives; swiping fingers across surfaces choked with dust; surreptitiously checking that his pillows are comfortable and that curtains get opened and he eats (which, she notes, he isn’t.)

He refuses to engage and watches her silently — simply living, breathing, feels draining —  but not once does he order her to go.

.

.

She permits his behavior only until Day 4 — so, not very long at all.

Different, with her hair pulled back behind a cloth band of a cheerful color, carrying a box of haphazardly-packed supplies. They stand on the doorstep mirroring one another’s unease, suspended in a place that’s not quite friendship and now, far from war enemies, but a shade of something encompassing nuances beyond.

“If you insist on living among ghosts,” she says, soft but firm, “let’s at least make this all more hospitable.”

Perhaps she notices the way his eyes soften, though he still has trouble facing her head-on. Too bright, earnest, willing to forgive.

I didn't ask you to love me.

Voicing none of this, he instead raises an eyebrow at the box.

“Seems to be more than soap in there.”

A sliver of a moment in which she meets his charcoal eyes — it’s enough to dim the summer sun, melt his bones. Burn down the world.

It cannot be, and here, now, the premonition intuited but not understood in boyhood:  Anyone entangled with him will perish.

Together they could catch fire.

Briskly, to distract from her blush, she readjusts the box in her arms.

“There’s food in here, too. And gloves for all four of us, though I’m sure Naruto’ll forgo them.”

“Us?”

“He’s wanted to see you, and we can’t do this on our own.” A pause before she forges ahead, words skipping and speeding up, gathering courage, avoiding his interjections. “I can order them to the yards and common areas, if you’d rather they don’t touch your things. I understand.”

“You don’t need to do any of this,” he says quietly.

The way her eyes sharpen, albeit glimmering with tears, makes Sasuke feel as though he’s losing his control on the little shred of it he might have had.

“We are always a team. And you and I — we can be one too! I know I can’t save you, fix you. But,” she sniffles, voice in vibrato, “we can at least be something.”

He eases the box from her hands, turning his back on her expression of surprise, of wariness. It’s the first time he’s implied she can come in, rather than her opening the door to his makeshift tomb.

Down a hallway, dim and chilled, she follows close behind. The wisps of socks on cold floors, the only sound in silence.

She reaches out.

He tenses, but like so many times under her touch he relents. Lets her fingers weave into the material of his shirt and hold him in place.

If he didn’t feel her, the misty quality of her voice could be calling from another planet.

“I know you believe you deserve this. To be among these ghosts, these dead spirits, as penance. And if that’s what you want, I suppose I can’t stop you. I never could.”

A tether. If she releases him, he has no doubt he’ll absolutely drown.

“But if they come for you, Sasuke-kun, make it hard for you to breathe . . . I’m here, okay?”

He stifles a noise, a growl and a sob and a sigh. Tries to stop her from sinking into him further, becoming sewn to the tapestry of his cursed history. “Sakura—”

But she is his, as she’s always been,

and she is fierce.

(And they end, begin again, forever something old and something new.)

“I’ll protect you.”

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #459

“i wanted you to know that i love the way you laugh  /  i wanna hold you high and steal your pain away”

Does the person you like have any flaws? He's never seemed very expressive of what he feels. Has anyone ever given you a ring? Why? Yes. Because it was our anniversary and he wanted to, ig. If you ruled your own country, what type of government would it have? I'm not educated enough to answer this. Creation theory, Evolution or the Big Bang theory? I really don't know what I believe about the origins of the universe, but I do believe in evolution. Describe one of your most emotional farewells. The last time I saw Jason and we talked for a long time, and I finally got my closure. It was all so heavy. It started so stiffly, but it ended with us just chatting and smiling and, to my absolute shock, a hug from him. I'm getting emotional so NEXT QUESTION. What was your last serious conversation about? I was reassuring and comforting Sara about some stuff. Is there a city that you have a particular fondness for? If so, what city is it and why? No. Are there any gnomes in your yard? No. When was the last time you were stung by a bee? What kind was it? Years ago. A bumblebee. Are you gonna buy lottery tickets when you’re old enough? I am old enough, and no. The odds are way, way too small, and I don't really dabble in addictive behavior. Have you ever been into a real cave? No. :( That's a life goal, though. Have you ever posted mean comments on YouTube? I know I did once as a kid. It was regarding Meerkat Manor and I thought it was really disrespectful to Flower just because of the music chosen lmao. The drama. What color is your digital camera, if you have one? Black. If you had to spend one day in any movie storyline, which one would it be? Alice in Wonderland, I suppose? Name the strangest game you’ve ever played (video game or real game): Oh man, I've played waaaaay too many video games. I suppose Silent Hill with how confused it left me at first. Its concept is definitely wild. Parasite Eve is high on the list, too. In your opinion, what is the saddest movie you’ve ever seen? Boy in the Striped Pajamas destroys me. What is the best song to make out to? I could answer this but I'm not gonna lmfao Is there anyone right now that you are simply/overly infatuated with? story of my life ayyyyeeeee Who was the last person to play with your hair? Are they cute? Not a clue. Who was the last person close to you that died? Did you cry? Jason's mom. I sobbed on-and-off for days. Do you consider yourself a healthy person? Physically and mentally? No, in either way. Do you know anyone who owns a boat? My dad does. I'm sure others, too, with how popular fishing out on a boat is here. Do you know anyone who uses medical marijuana? I don't know. Even for medicinal purposes, it's not legal here. Do you know anyone who’s died in childbirth? No. What did you do for your 21st birthday? I was in the psych hospital, so... lmao. Therapy, reading, and coloring. Lots of reading and coloring. Because they did NOT fill your schedule enough there. We only had two group therapy sessions a day, and the rest was just... blankness. If dinosaurs could be tamed, would you want one as a pet? I know I'd be one of the dumb ones that absolutely wanted a tiny raptor, lol. Do you own more than one copy or edition of a book? No. If you could see any musical on Broadway right now, what would it be? Not interested. Do you eat soup when you’re sick? I don't like soup. If you read, which book or series did you enjoy most as a child? My first real series that I read religiously was Hank the Cowdog. Then it was Warriors. Do you buy Halloween candy when it’s on sale after the holiday? No. I really don't need candy available to me. Do you agree with the “they’re just being kids” excuse? It depends on what they're doing. In a lot of cases, no. Do you ever watch talk shows? No. Do you have a/any hero(s)? Mark Fischbach, Steve Irwin, my mom... Have you told your parents all of your secrets from when you were a teen? No. Though Mom has playfully once told me that she knows a lot of things I don't think she does, and that's terrifying lmao. You’re getting married. Who’s your maid of honor and best man? M.o.H.: Mom or Sara. Best man isn't my choice. Would you rather get highlights or dye your whole head? DYE IT ALLLLLLL. Are you wearing anything of any sentimental value? Describe? My friendship ring w/ Sara. It has a heart carved on the outside and "bitch" engraved inside so no one can see when you have it on, lol. She has one that says "jerk." It's a Supernatural reference. Who challenges you the most? In what way? My therapist and psychiatrist. They just help ensure I pursue my goals and give me little nudges forward to reassure me. Who seems to hold you back? In what way? PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT ME. I listen to my anxiety WAY too much. What was the last opportunity that you passed up, and why? Going up to Lake Gaston w/ Mom to visit Ash and her fam. They go there all the time, and it's a real nice place. I just didn't want to go because of the heat. Should there be an application process for having children? Hunny, that would not stop people from fuckin lmfao Name one thing that you think defines you as a person? m e e r k a t s What is a fear you have about living on your own? That depression would get the better of me and I'd neglect taking good care of my house. One of the many reasons I'll never live alone. Not at all saying I'd leave the responsibilities to my partner, but they'd be motivation for me to get stuff done. What’s the worst name your mom has ever called you? I don't know. Nothing that bad. What’s your stance on spooning? It helps me feel safe and loved and alsdkfjalwe I just love cuddling in all sorts lmao What’s your most recent obsession? Violet Orlandi & Melodicka Bros' cover of "Somebody That I Used to Know." Have you ever been scammed? Ha ha, yes. I once wanted to get Jason a Joker and Harley Quinn pillow from deviantART; talked to the artist, paid 'em, never got it. :^) Have you ever fostered an animal? No. I would get WAY too attached to foster. I wouldn't be able to give them up without breaking down, probs. Do you know anyone who acts way younger than what they are? I'm sure I do, but no one is coming to mind atm. Would you say you’re a pretty independent person? God no. Does the last song you listened to, remind you of someone? JASON. Do you currently want a new computer? Yes, actually. I want a desktop PC for better gaming quality, honestly. Also, the "escape" key doesn't work on this laptop, one key is missing so I have to hit the sensor JUST right, and it restarts randomly sometimes. I want a PC mainly because I want to get out of the habit of being on my laptop in bed all damn day. How would your parents react if you got a tattoo? I already have like six or seven, so they wouldn't be surprised. Is there anyone you can picture yourself being with forever right now? Maybe. Who is your truest friend? Sara. What is the strangest thing you’ve ever seen outside of your house? THIS house? Idk. Nothing that I'd consider odd. What bug frightens you most? STAG BEETLES lkadjslkfja;lwekjawl;kejrlawer Who is your oldest friend? That would be Sam, and he's in his mid-30s. How long have you known them? Many years. We met via WoW, which I've been playing since '14. I don't really remember how far into it we met, though. Where are they right now? lol I wouldn't know, he's all the way in Jersey. Plus we haven't talked in a while. Have you ever dated a friend of one of your siblings? God no, that would be so weird. What is the best gift someone can give you? An ear to listen without it feeling like a chore to them. Have you ever dated someone who had a child? No. I don't think I could do it. What is the last movie that made you cry? The The Lion King remake made me tear up. Have you ever played in a waterfall? No. Ugh, that sounds like a blast. In your life who has meant the most to you? Let's not get into this. What has been your biggest failure in life? Letting depression and my other conditions take away my identity, becoming my new identity. Do you trust yourself? No. I second-guess EVERYTHING and never know what I should listen to: my heart, my head, my gut... or which voice is what. Would you ever consider getting an abortion, under any circumstances? Yes. What was the last bug you killed? Some kind in the bathroom. Idk what it was. Just a little thing that sort of resembled an earwig, but not completely. Do you prefer profile pictures by yourself of with someone else? By myself, since it's my page. Do you know anyone who has written a book? I don't think so? Do you drink milk/juice from the carton if no one is around? Ew, no. I live with another person, and even if I didn't, what if I had guests? Has anyone ever told you they liked you in a realllly sweet way? Maybe? Has a member of the opposite sex ever given you jewlery? Jason has. Do you find sleeping in cars easy? NOOOOOOOOOO. I'm too scared to let my eyes close and not see what's going on on the road. Has a boyfriend’s/girlfriend’s parents ever gotten mad at you? Why? I don't believe so, no. What is the funniest thing a child has ever said to you. Definitely something my niece has said, but idr what it was. What’s been on your mind lately? Y'all know, lol. Do you feel like you need to get something off your chest? No. Sara was recently there for that. ♥ How would you react if someone told you they had feelings for you? Be very very excited if it was from a certain person.