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itsjustascarecrow · 3 months

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lol just so i'm not adding more tags onto that least fave horror genre poll, i'm gonna throw some more thoughts under a readmore b/c i have a lot of feelings about it for some reason, lmao

initially i was just gonna point out that zombies also wasn't on the list, unless op was categorizing them under something else?? but considering all the others i noticed weren't present (folk, spacial, and creature feature; also anthology if you wanna count that, but it's more of a format), i figure it was merely a case of like the limitations of that kind of post like only having so many options. i've also seen people make the argument that zombies isn't really a genre, just a type of creature; same w/ like all these vampire and frankstein themed films we've been getting this past year or so. so idk if universal monsters would be it's own subgenre separate from something like a standard creature feature (i.e. jaws, the godzilla films, any sort of man vs. beast type movie), vs. like. idk, do people consider the predator and alien films slashers??? i think that may be the case w/ like the leprechaun and puppetmaster series, for example; it's not a singular masked killer, but it's someone/thing(s) killing people off until we're left w/ a final girl of some description. alien is sci-fi horror, sure, but most slasher series tend to have at least the one obligatory "in space" installment, so i guess?? one can argue alien just does that from the start and never leaves. and setting goes back and forth w/ predator, but that's even more so a slasher-type set up, so. idk, some of these definitely start to get too muddled where it may just come down to personal interpretation (like i was just posting about re-animator earlier today and just thought to myself it's technically a sci-fi zombie movie, lmao). some may have an objective answer, but part of me wants to play devil's advocate and leave it open.

speaking of, devil/possession films were also absent from the list; i tend to steer away from them mostly b/c of the religious aspect. partly it's overplayed, partly i just don't care for it. when evil lurks was a fantastic break from form by removing that element, but it may be just about the only example i can think of that does possession through infection as opposed to some kind of demon. in any case, would've been interesting to see where that would've placed; my guess would be either very high or very low. given that gothic was the lowest, my assumption is that maybe people just like the aesthetic?? esp when taking a tumblr audience into account, lol.

body horror being second surprised me; maybe people just think it's gross? which tbf was why i almost picked that, but then i had two thoughts about it: 1) it's another blind spot for me (and what little i have seen i liked) so didn't feel like a good enough reason, and 2) as someone who's gnc, picking it would've felt like some sort of betrayal, lmao. like i've not undergone any surgeries or hrt, anything like that, but still lol, felt almost hypocritical (and again esp given that this is a tumblr audience being polled). of course the works of cronenberg are prob what first come to mind for most people, which sure, he's not for everyone; i'll even admit that the ulterior motives and themes he tries to tackle kind of go over my head at first, but i think i just need to take more time w/ it. b/c at a base level, when i finally watched videdrome for the first time a couple weeks ago, i was enthralled by the actual body horror elements when i was actually seeing them instead of just imagining it based on reputation. same w/ og hellraiser; that shit is gnarly, so yeah, if you're at all squeamish, you're not gonna have a good time. but if you're desensitized and willing to explore the why of what's going on, it can be fascinating. or, if nothing else just enjoying the incredible practical effects (here's looking at you, the shunting scene from society).

and i was a lil surprised fantasy wasn't higher up b/c it seems like people who do watch them end up hating it, but it's prob something not a lot even know about or have seen. or, my other speculation is perhaps people just think it's too campy, too childish, too goofy, somewhere in that vein like too close to comedy where it can be really hit or miss. again, i'll mention the leprechaun series b/c while that has supernatural/slasher elements, it's specifically a fantastical creature (or a version of one) at the helm. but realistically, it really is most likely a case of people not having enough experience/examples of it to give it a vote as compared to anything else.

another i almost went with was psychological; person i rb'ed from said they're boring which i can understand. the only real argument i have can honestly be said for any of these but like if it's done well, then they're plenty fun and interesting. but given nowadays most examples tend to fall into "elevated horror," it seems divisive. personally, i just take it on a case-by-case situation; some i like, some i don't. again, same can be said for all these genres. as a side note, i wonder if op of the poll considers giallo under this umbrella; i tend to like most giallo films but, i'm also a sucker for a lot of 70s horror when those were more popular. i recently watched berberian sound studio which was a 2014 sort of homage to 70s giallo, and yes it was slow, not particularly scary/not a lot of big scares or very bloody, and ended somewhat abruptly w/o explaining much. but i fucking loved it; can't pinpoint why exactly, and i could see why a lot of the reviews said they were so bored w/ it. thrillers/psych horror is a weird one b/c they can end up being predictable and/or drag on a bit, so idk, maybe i'm just more forgiving. plus i can see why it's more appealing to those who hate slashers, etc., and how that same reason is why others don't like it.

ultimately, i figure no matter how many subgenres you throw in there, slashers will always end up the least fave. personally, i've enjoyed most of the ones i've bothered to watch (b/c there's plenty i've just not cared to bother with), but i understand it's considered schlock to casual and hardcore fans alike, esp the older stuff when it was way more abundant. and i guess one can argue it technically hasn't gotten much better at its core, like technically the kills (the how and who) are more diverse, but it's the overall setup/plot that people feel is just way too overdone at this point. which is fair. it feels like a staple of horror as a whole, even tho it's not where the genre got its start, but it's clearly given way to stuff like the torture porn years of the 20-oughts that really turned people away from horror as a whole. my first instinct is to say i'm not too familiar w/ neo-slashers to make the comparison, but that could just be a term for any slasher made after a certain year, idk. if anything, i think as much as some may complain it's just the same thing over and over again, clearly the formula still works.

basically all of this to say i can see the arguments for and against for each subgenre and now i would love to see a more in-depth poll (or perhaps multiple, more specified polls) reach a wider horror audience.

#file under why i'm so frustrated w/ being in college b/c i can write fucking dissertations about how i feel about horror on fuckin tumblr #but can't for the life of me write a fucking graded midterm/final paper on the subject/major i've studied for five years #and that you have to be a fucking grad student if you want to write about the shit you actually care about #Anyway. if any of y'all actually took the time to read All Of That i appreciate you so much lmao #random bullshit

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albertasunrise · 3 years

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Mistakes - Chapter 1

Summary: You’d known it was a bad idea to get involved with Javier Peña. You were just another notch on his bedpost but you were a notch he kept revisiting. You know you should have stopped it, declined his offers to rock your world but you couldn’t and now you had to deal with the consequences. Consequences that you knew he would refuse to accept.

Warnings: Angst, References to sex, Unplanned Pregnancy, Mentions of Abortion

Pairings: Javier Peña x Reader

As you stared at those two lines you felt your stomach twist. How was this happening? You’d been careful, always using protection so how was it that you were now looking at a positive pregnancy test. You’d known it was a bad idea to get involved with Javier Peña. You were just another notch on his bedpost but you were a notch he kept revisiting. You know you should have stopped it, declined his offers to rock your world but you couldn’t and now you had to deal with the consequences. Consequences that you knew he would refuse to accept.

‘Fuck.’ You sobbed as you placed the test down and picked up the other, it too telling you the same thing ‘Shit… What am I going to do?’

Were you ready to be a mum?

Should you get rid of it?

No, you’d never be able to do that.

You knew you had to tell him but how? How were you supposed to tell the most desired man at the embassy that your casual relations with him had led to this? A baby

You walked from the bathroom and sank onto the couch, placing the tests on the coffee table as you let your tears flow freely now. You were pulled from your cries by a knock at the door and after wiping your tears and letting out a few shaky breaths you answered, not getting a chance to see who it was but the familiar lips on yours told you. He kissed you with fervour but you can’t return it, you don’t want to and he senses that quickly.

‘What's the matter Cariño? He asked as he kissed down your neck ‘I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you all day.’

‘Don’t Javi.’ You said as you pushed him off of you, avoiding his gaze as you made your way back to the couch.

‘What the hell is up with you?’ He growled, angered by your rejection of his advances.

‘Javier please.’ You sobbed then, throwing your face into your hands.

Javier’s stomach sank, his anger replaced with worry as he sprinted to your side and dropped to his knees in front of you, missing the two sticks of plastic on your coffee table. He grabbed your hands and pulled them from your face, cupping it in his hands as he lifted it so your eyes were level with his.

‘What's going on?’ He asked, brow furrowed in concern ‘Has something happened?’

You could only nod, eyes settling on the tests that sat just behind him. His gaze followed yours and stopped on the offending items, eyes growing wide as he saw what they said and his head quickly whipped back to face you.

‘You’re?’

You nodded, letting out another sob as your hand unconsciously came to rest on your belly.

‘Who’s is it?’ He asked and this made you look up at him in disbelief.

‘Who’s do you think?’

‘Well, I don’t know who else you've been sleeping with.’ He grumbled and you gave him a chilling look before shifting out of his grasp.

‘Fuck you, Javier.’ You spat, shoulders shaking as you walked to your kitchen.

‘What?’

‘I haven’t slept with anyone else Javi.’ You announced, the cogs in his mind whirring ‘I haven’t been with anyone but you. Men don't exactly throw themselves at me.’

‘But we-.’ He paused as he took in the information ‘No this isn’t possible. How?’

‘I don’t fucking know Javi.’ You snapped ‘Condoms aren’t a hundred per cent effective, everyone knows that. I guess one failed.’

‘I…Uh.’ He stuttered, unsure of what to say ‘I’ll speak to Connie.’ He said finally ‘See if we can get you booked in for a termination.’

‘A termination?’

‘Well you’re not seriously considering keeping it are you?’ He inquired, his tone exasperated ‘I mean you’re in no position to raise a kid. We should get rid of it.’

‘Get the fuck out.’

‘Cariño.’

‘OUT!.’

‘Please just think about this. We can’t have a baby together. We fuck casually, I don’t want a relationship and I certainly don’t want a kid. I can’t give you what you want. You’ll be alone in this.’

‘That's fine Javi. I guessed I would be.’ You growled ‘You have no right however to tell me to get rid of it. I’m going to have this baby with or without you. Just know that they’ll never know you. I refuse to let them know a father that told me to get rid of them… Now get the fuck out of my house.’

‘Cariño.’

‘GO!.’

He left and you stood there, seething on the spot. You knew he wasn’t going to react well but you'd never expected him to suggest you terminate it. That had never been an option for you. You sobbed a little at the knowledge you’d be doing this alone, suddenly very aware of how alone you really were and after glancing at the clock and seeing was barely seven you decided to pay Connie a visit.

…

‘You’re what?’ She exclaimed, a little shocked by the news you'd just told her.

‘I was surprised too.’

‘Who’s is it?’

‘Connie…’

‘It’s Javi’s isn't it?’

‘Well, I haven’t been with anyone else since I arrived here a year ago.’ You confirmed and she gasped.

‘You told him?’ She asked

You nodded.

‘How did he take it?’

‘Told me to get rid of it.’

‘He what?’ She yelled and you flinched a little ‘Sorry.’ She apologised.

‘He said he doesn’t want a relationship, which I already knew, and that he doesn’t want kids. Told me it was for the best but it was never an option for me Con. I figured I’d be raising this baby alone. Just never thought he'd tell me to terminate it.’

‘He’s a fucking idiot.’ Piped up Steve, sipping from his beer ‘I can kick the shit out of him if you like.’

‘And what will that achieve?’ You chuckled ‘No, it's fine. This baby will never know him.’ You declared ‘I’ll make sure of it. It’ll never feel unwanted.’

Connie managed to get an appointment in the clinic for you to get your first scan and even attended it with you. As you lay were, shivering from the jelly that the doctor had squirted on your stomach it all became very real to you. Placing the prob on your skin, she started to move it around and you fixed your eyes on Connie, nerves starting to get the better of you.

Then you heard it.

‘There we are.’ Said the doctor as she turned the screen ‘See that little shape there?’ You nodded ‘That’s your baby.’ She stated ‘Judging from this I'd say you’re around 9 weeks along. Strong heartbeat. Everything looks good.’

‘Wow.’ Said Connie, her eyes glued to the screen ‘That’s the most wonderful thing I think I’ve ever seen, don’t you think?’

‘Yeah.’ You replied, letting out a choked sob as you watched your baby on the screen.

‘I shall print some pictures for you.’ Said the doctor, smiling at you both ‘Would you like some too?’ She asked Connie and the woman nodded eagerly.

…

‘So that thing there that looks like a cashew… that’s the baby?’ Asks Steve, nose scrunched as he studied the pictures.

‘Yup.’ You replied, grinning at him ‘I’ve grown a cashew.’

Connie giggled at that, refreshing your lemonade as you glanced at the pictures yourself.

‘Still can’t believe that there’s a tiny being growing inside of me.’ You said, a few stray tears slipping down your cheeks ‘I love them so much already and I haven’t even met them properly yet.’

‘It’s going to be so loved.’ Said Connie ‘I’ve already bought a tone of wool to knit it some cute bits.’

‘I didn’t know you knit!’

‘Ahhhh.’ Said Steve, waving the picture at you ‘She’s a woman of mystery my wife!’

‘Gah!’ Squealed Connie as you walked out of the changing room ‘Look at that bump!’ She squealed with excitement ‘How have you been hiding that from us?’

Connie had dragged you out to find a dress for the office Christmas Party. You really didn’t want to go, you were four months pregnant and still suffering from sickness a little but Connie had begged you to come shopping with her and that’s when she’d found this dress for you. A pale mint green that suited your complexion perfectly.

‘Baggy t-shirts and loose blouses my friend.’ You replied with a wink ‘What do you think?’ You asked as you gave her a twirl, the sundress accentuating your growing belly ‘Doesn’t just make me look fat does it?’

‘NO!’ She practically screamed ‘You are glowing.’

‘Do we have to go to this party?’ You groaned ‘I can’t drink so it's going to be a bore for me.’

‘I’ll stay sober with you!’ announces Connie, determined to convince you to come.

‘Is Javi going?’

‘Doubt it.’ She replied ‘Not really his scene.’ She paused, pulling her best puppy eyes ‘Please.’

‘Fine.’ You groaned ‘But you have to stay sober.’

‘Promise.’

‘You said he wouldn’t be here.’ You snapped at Connie, seething at the sight of Javier drinking at the bar with Steve.

The hall was decorated with traditional Christmas decorations, a large tree at the centre of the far wall twinkled with fairy lights that gave an aura of magic to the room.

‘I said I doubted he’d come.’ She retorted, raising her hands in mock surrender.

‘I need to leave.’

‘No, you’re here now. Come on.’ She begs ‘You don’t have to speak to him.’

You’d managed to avoid him pretty well since announcing to him that you were having his baby and he’d avoided you too. Steve kept you up to date and you knew that he hadn’t asked about you or the baby and that had made it crystal clear for you. You really were in this alone. There had been a small part of you that hoped he'd change his mind, tell you he wanted this. Wanted you but you knew you were fooling yourself. Javier Peña doesn’t settle and he certainly wouldn’t settle for a girl like you.

‘Come on, let's get us a drink.’

‘No alcohol remember.’ You remind her, and she rolled her eyes.

‘Yes, I know.’ She groaned.

You noticed Javier looking at you from the corner of your eye when you approached the bar but you didn’t return his gaze, you kept your eyes fixed on Connie as you flagged down the barman with one hand and cradled your bump with the other. Thumb stroking the fabric that covered your swell.

…

Javier studied you as Steve talked to him about a game he’d caught on the weekend. You looked good. Simple makeup, hair up in a loose bun with few curls framing your face and the sundress you wore suited you perfectly. As his eyes trailed over your body before they settled on your hand, the way it sat on your stomach highlighting your growing bump.

‘She’s showing.’ He said suddenly as his eyes growing wide, stopping Steve dead.

‘What?’ He asked, a little confused at the change of subject.

‘She’s showing.’ He said again and Steve followed his gaze to you, also noting your swollen stomach.

‘Shit yeah, she is.’ He replied, smiling to himself ‘You’ve been a fucking ass to her.’

“What?’ Javier snapped.

‘She’s four months pregnant with your baby and not once have you asked how she is. How the pregnancy’s going. Nothing.’

‘I don’t want it.’

‘Doesn’t fucking matter Javi.’ Steve scolded ‘You are that babies father and you’re doing fuck all to help her. What would your dad think if he knew?’

‘Steve-.’

‘She’s fine by the way. In case you do give a shit.’ He interrupted ‘Con’s been taking really good care of her. Went to her first scan, got her a bunch of books. Been arranging all her appointments for her.’ He took a swig of his whiskey ‘Baby’s doing well too. Cooking nicely.’

‘That’s great’ Javier growled, downing the last of his drink and storming out.

…

You noticed him leave but you didn't care. If anything, you were relieved. The rest of the evening went fairly well after that. He did come back but he avoided you and you did the same. You danced, you laughed and you enjoyed yourself for the first time in that felt like years, your worries melting away. For a night you didn't worry about the future. The fact that you had no family to help you raise the baby or that its father didn't want it. You just focused on your friends, the music and yourself.

‘Thank you for arranging this Con.’ You said as you took her hand ‘You’ve been so amazing.’

It had been a month since the Christmas party and you’d not seen Javier since. You were a little surprised that you hadn’t run into him in the hall since your apartments were across from each other but you suspected that wasn't an accident but it didn't bother you. He was going you the space you’d demanded.

‘What are best friends for?’ She replied, smiling at you sweetly.

‘Well, they don’t normally arrange all your antenatal appointments for you.’

‘I work at the clinic.’ She chuckled ‘Easy for me to sort it for you.’ She gave your hand a squeeze ‘You nervous?’

‘A little.’ You confessed ‘Last time I was here they were teeny.’ You continued ‘Now look at me.’ You finished as you motioned to your very visible bump.

‘You’ll be able to learn the sex.’ Connie stated and you looked at her with comically wide eyes ‘You want to know?’

‘More than anything.’ You admitted ‘Been killing me not knowing. Makes getting for it things hard.’ You giggled.

Your name was called and you were led into a familiar room where you laid on the bed and lifted your shirt like before, hissing at the cold of the jelly again. She places the probe on your belly and moved it around, finding the baby quickly this time. You swooned at the sound of their heartbeat, the consistent thump making your own race.

‘Oh my.’ Squealed Connie ‘Look at it.’ She lamented, tears trickling down her cheeks ‘Hi.’ She giggled when its hand came into view.

‘Would you like to know the sex?’ The doctor asked and you nodded, trapping your bottom lip between your teeth as they focused on the screen again ‘Well it looks to me like you’re having a baby girl.’ She said after a few moments, turning the screen so you could see better ‘Congratulations.’

‘A girl?’ You asked, eyes widening and the doctor nodded.

‘Mhmm.’

‘You’re having a girl.’ Connie squealed and you look up at her with tear-filled eyes.

‘I’m having a girl.’ You grinned, laughing as you sobbed with joy.

‘I’ll print lots of pictures again.’ The doctor said, grinning at your reaction.

You practically skipped out of the clinic pictures in hand and Steve waved at you as you clambered into his truck, giggling as Connie shoved the pictures into his hand.

‘Well, now I can tell it’s a baby.’ He said and you rolled your eyes.

‘That's my daughter you’re talking about.’ You declared and he turned to face you and beamed.

‘You boys done?’ Asked Connie as she stopped beside the table, noting that Steve had eaten all his food but Javier had barely touched his.

They’d been pouring over paperwork and pictures for hours and coming up empty-handed. Running a hand through his hair, he looked up at his partner’s wife and gave her a weak smile.

‘Um yeah… Thanks, Con.’

‘Nah come on, finish your food.’ Grumbled Steve ‘You’ve not eaten all day.’

‘I guess I just don’t have much of an appetite.’ Stated Javier as he pushed his plate away.

He hadn’t had one since he’d seen you at that Christmas party. Seeing you there glowing, round with his child, had brought out all these feelings in him that he was struggling with. He wasn’t sure what it was he was feeling but he knew that he missed you. Pined for you. That was painfully clear to him.

‘You never do.’ Steve retorted, pulling him from his thoughts ‘You live off of ex and Whiskey. Amazed you’re not thinner.’

‘Fuck off Murphy.’ He growled, grabbing his beer and drinking the last of it before placing it down on the counter in the kitchen ‘Thanks for Din…’ He trailed off as his eyes caught sight of your sonogram pictures, your name and the date above the very clear image of a baby ‘Is this?...’

‘Your baby?’ Snapped Steve and Javier flinched at his change in tone ‘Yup.’

‘She had her 20-week scan yesterday.’ Said Connie softly, watching the way Javier’s eyes softened as he studied the image ‘Here.’ She handed him some more pictures and there was one that caught his attention in particular, a very visible hand above them giving the illusion that they were waving ‘She’s already waving and she’s not even been born yet.’ Connie chuckled as she grabbed his bottle and placed it in the glass bin.

‘She?’ He said suddenly, head whipping up to look at Connie with tears pooling in his eyes ‘It’s a girl?’

‘Yeah.’ She replied, grinning as she nodded excitedly ‘Got so many patterns to do and now I can buy some girly wool. Can’t believe there’s going to be a baby around here soon!’

His hand flew up to his mouth as he let out a sob, eyes returning to the picture that now shook in his grasp as tears splash on its shiny surface. This was a life he’d helped create and it was growing inside of you. He realised how stupid he’d been and he suddenly felt overwhelmed.

‘Hey.’ Said Connie softly as she pulled him into a hug and he sobbed against her shoulder, his body shaking as he cried.

‘I’m going to have a daughter.’ He sobbed ‘And she’ll never know who I am.’

‘You can change that Javier.’ Said Connie, pulling away to look him in the eye ‘You still have a chance to be part of this baby’s life but you need to do something about it.’

‘They’re better off without me.’

‘Seeing these pictures here, how do they make you feel?’ She questioned, glancing at Steve who is watching his partner carefully.

‘I don’t know.’ He answered honestly.

‘When you see her. The baby girl that you helped create. Do you want to know her?’ She asked, hand on his arm rubbing comforting circles.

‘Yes.’ He choked out, eyes drifting up to Connie.

‘Then there is your answer.’ She stated ‘You have a chance to be a part of your daughter’s life but only if you act.’

‘She said I’d never know them.’ He sobbed ‘She swore it.’

‘You had just told her to get an abortion.’ Piped up Steve and Connie threw him an angry look.

‘How about I speak to her. Arrange for the three of us to sit down and talk this all out.’ She suggested and Javier nodded weakly ‘Give me a few days.’

‘Okay.’

‘Absolutely not!’ You yelled, angry tears streaming down your cheeks ‘I don’t want to speak to him.’

‘But-.’

‘No buts Con.’ You snarled ‘He wants nothing to do with her and she’ll never know him.’

‘He saw your ultrasound pictures the other night.’ She stated and you looked at her with a confused expression, unsure of where this was going ‘He sobbed when he learned that you’re having a girl. I slipped up when he saw the waving picture. He cried his eyes out. He wants a chance to be a part of her life. You need to give him that chance hun.’ She pleaded ‘Just come round tonight. We’ll talk it out and see what happens.’

‘Why does he suddenly care?’

‘I think the ultrasound made it more real for him.’ She said, shrugging slightly ‘I think him seeing those pictures made him realise he wants this. He just hadn’t known before.’

‘Fine.’ You grumbled ‘But if he steps even a toe out of line, I will make sure he never meets her.’

‘Shit, okay…’ Connie breathed, a little taken aback by your statement ‘See you later.’

You sat nervously at Connie’s table, waiting for Javier to arrive. She’d decided that dinner was perhaps not the best way to talk things through, too many ways to get out of not saying anything at all. You rubbed your swollen belly, feeling your stomach twist in knots as you ran through the possible scenarios for how this would go. You weren’t expecting him to confess his love for you and the two of you skip away together, one big happy family. You weren’t sure what you were expecting.

‘That’s him.’ Said Connie as a knock sounded at the door and you felt your heart begin to race.

‘Just breath.’ You said to yourself, glancing up as Connie and Javier appeared through the doorway.

‘Hi.’ He said gingerly, rubbing the back of his neck as he oozed nervousness.

‘Hi.’ You replied, short and curt.

‘Javi why don’t you sit down.’ Said Connie as she pointed to the chair across from you ‘I’ll grab you a beer.’

‘Thanks.’ He replied, giving her a quick nod before taking a seat.

‘How are you?’ He asked in an attempt to break the silence and you rolled your eyes at him.

‘Really?’

‘What?’

'It’s been 5 months and now you want to do small talk?’

‘Carino I-.’

‘I’d appreciated it if you didn’t call me that.’ You growled ‘I’m not your sweetheart.’

‘Here.’ Said Connie as she placed the beer in front of him and he gave her a weak smile.

‘Thanks.’

You all sat there in awkward silence before Connie finally decided that enough was enough. She slammed the sonogram pictures on the table along with some shoes she’d clearly knitted herself. They were tiny and brought tears to your eyes as you studied them. A pale pink with white toes and a large brown wooden button fastened them shut.

‘We all know why we're here.’ She began, sitting back in her chair and crossing her arms ‘You are having a baby together. Javier, you have made some big mistakes in how you dealt with the news but I know that you want to make amends and you want a chance to be involved.’ She paused and he glanced up at her before looking at you with the saddest expression you’d ever seen ‘Hun I understand why you’re upset with him. When you first told me what he’d said I almost stormed down there to castrate him myself.’ That made Javier wince ‘But you need to do what’s best for her.’ She declared as she leaned forward and lifted one of the scans so you could see it more clearly ‘You’re going to be parents in less than four months. Don’t you want to give your baby the best possible start? With both her of parents in her life?’

‘Javi’s married to the job.’ You grumbled and he winced at the fact you were about him as if he wasn't there ‘I don’t want to do this alone. I am terrified, but I can’t be worrying about him letting me and the baby down.’

‘May I speak?’ He pipped up and both you and Connie looked at him, your expression expectant ‘I did fuck up. I freaked out. I came to Columbia to make a difference, I never expected to meet someone that I’d come to care for and I certainly never expected to end up having a baby with said person. I won’t lie. I was sure I didn’t want it. I genuinely thought it would be better off without me but when I saw you at the party, your small bump under that dress I realised how much I missed you and how much I was missing out on.’ He paused, scraping a hand over his tired face ‘When I saw these I felt something I’d never expected to feel. I felt a swell of happiness inside as I looked at my baby and when Connie told me it was a girl… Well.’ He paused again, looking down at the sonogram in his hand ‘I knew that I wanted to be a part of her life. I want it all.’

‘Javier-.’

‘I’m not expecting you to take me back.’ He interrupted and you sat there with your mouth hanging open ‘But I want to be there for you... For you both. If you’ll let me.’

‘I uh-.’ You sit there with a gobsmacked expression plastered over your face.

You’d not expected that.’

‘I want to be there when she comes, hold your hand as you push our baby girl into this world. I want to hold her when she cries, sing her to sleep, albeit badly, and I want to support you. Take some of the load. I didn’t realise how much I wanted this, wanted her until I was faced with the possibility of never being able to have it.’

You sit there in silence. Tears rolling down your cheeks as you and Javier gaze at each other, a small smile tugging at the corner of your mouth as he leant forward and took your hand.

‘I swear to you that she will be my number one priority.’ He stated ‘I will move heaven and Earth for her.’

‘Okay.’ You replied, nodding lightly ‘But I need to know that when it comes down to the wire. She’s the one you choose.’

‘I will.’ He replied, smiling sweetly at you.

The rest of the evening went smoothly after that. You discussed arrangements. Agreed that he could come to your final scan before the baby was born and discussed living together initially afterwards. You’d ended up deciding on his apartment as it had a spare room and was larger although agreed it was a good idea to keep yours in case the arrangement didn’t work. You both hugged Connie goodnight. Thanked her for helping the two of your settle your differences and made your way down to your respective apartments but there was no longer an awkward air hanging over you both. Just quiet acceptance.

‘Thank you for agreeing to talk to me.’ He said sweetly, giving your hand a friendly squeeze as you came to a stop outside your front door.

‘Connie was right.’ You started, squeezing his back ‘We need to do what’s best for her.’

Smiling, he gave you a nod and a peck on the cheek ‘Good night Carino.’ He said softly, his eyes sparkling.

‘Why don’t you come in.’ You said, giving him a small smile ‘It’s still early and it would be good to talk a little more.’

‘Sure.’ He replied, following you in as you opened your door.

‘I haven’t got any alcohol I’m afraid.’ You snickered ‘Made me sad having it and not being able to drink it.’

‘That’s fine.’ He replied, smirking at you.

‘I probably have some coffee in the cupboard or I can make you a herbal tea.’

‘I’m fine.’ He replied as he let out a giggle ‘Don’t fuss.’

‘Right.’ You replied, lowering yourself onto the couch with one hand cradling your bump. ‘I look forward to being able to sit down on the couch again gracefully.’ You grumbled ‘Why they gave me an apartment with such a low one I will never know. Perhaps they knew I was going to get pregnant!.’

‘Perhaps.’ He replied as he sat down across from you and you turned your head to look at him.

‘So.’ You breathed.

‘So.’ He returned.

‘I have been trying to think of names.’ You started, leaning forward to grab the list you’d made and handed it to him.

‘These are all Spanish names?’ He questioned, giving you a bemused look.

‘Well, she’d going to have a little Mexican in her.’ You chuckled ‘Just because I hated you, didn't mean I wanted to deny her heritage.’

‘I deserved that.’ He replied with a wince ‘Well I have an aunt called Regina.’ He started, looking down the list’ She smells like beats and repeats herself all the time.

‘Veto on Regina.’

‘I like Elena and Luna.’ He continued ‘Oh and Rosa.’

‘Spooky.’ You said, catching his attention.

‘What is?’

‘Those are all my favourites.’ You replied with a smile and he beamed back at you.

You sat for a few minutes in comfortable silence, the two of you gazing at each other as you rubbed circles on your belly.

‘Whoah!.’ You said suddenly as you sat upright, eyes widening and you looked down at your belly.

‘What is it?’ He asked, his tone a little panicked.

‘She’s moving.’ You replied, grinning at him ‘Come feel. Shit, that’s weird.’

‘You sure?’ He asked, a little surprised at how ready you were to allow him back in.

‘Yes! Come on before she stops!’

He scooted over towards you, smiling when you grabbed his hand and placed it over your bump. For a few moments there was nothing and then… kick.

‘Whoah!’

‘Freaky right?’ You giggled.

‘Very!’

‘Imagine what it’s like for me. She’s doing it from inside.’ You chuckled and he grinned at you ‘She’s gotta be dancing the tango in there. Jesus!’

‘Hey, little one.’ Said Javi as he lowered his face towards your swollen belly ‘Settle down now. Mummy’s very happy to feel you moving but no need to overdo it.’

You chucked as you watched him talk to her, feeling her settle down inside of you and you rolled your eyes as he looked up at you.

‘Of course, she listened to you.’ You grumbled and Javier just shrugged.

You gazed at each other again, feeling the air between you crackle as he shifted himself so that he was more upright but no further from you. You saw his eyes drop to your lips and your own followed suit, tongue darting out to wet it before letting out a shaky breath in anticipation. As he pressed his lips to yours it was unhurried like it had been in the past. It was soft yet passionate and you felt yourself melting into it but soon it became heated, hands groping and tugging as you both desperately tried to deepen it.

‘I missed you.’ He whispered against your lips before his own started planting kisses down your neck.

‘Fuck.’ You moaned, feeling his actions going straight to your core but then your brain kicked in ‘Javi, Javi… Stop.’

‘What’s wrong?’ He asked as he pulled away, brows furrowed in concern.

‘As much as I’d love to revisit that.’ You started as you placed your hand on his chest ‘We need to take this slow. I can’t just go jumping back into bed with you. I need time to trust you again but if you’re serious about this then I need some proof.’

‘I want this. I want us.’ He urged, kissing you again with fervour.

‘And that's wonderful.’ You replied, pecking his lips ‘But I need a little time to process. Is that okay?’

‘Of course.’ He replied, flashing you a warm smile ‘We’ll take this as slow as you like.’

‘Why don’t we start with you staying over. We can talk a bit more, get to know each other again and then you can make me breakfast in the morning.’ You suggested, with a wink.

‘I think that can be arranged.’ He replied, pressing a tender kiss on your lips.

Chapter 2

#Javier Pena x Reader #Javier Pena x You #Javier Pena Fanfiction #Javier Pena #Javier Peña x Reader #Javier Peña x You #Narcos #Narcos Fanfiction #narcos x reader #Narcos x you #Javier Pena gif #javier gif #Pedro Pascal #Pedro Pascal Character #Pedro Pascal Character Fanfiction #Pedro Pascal Characters #pedro pascal gif #Javier Peña

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taegiconic · 4 years

Text

strawberry cake🍰

< 17. time >

sypnosis🍓 : taehyung lives change when he starts to work in his family bakery to pay his Art Institution, he used to thought it was bored until the day he mets her.

pairing🍓: artist student and baker!taehyung x philologist student!reader

genre🍓: college!au, fluff, crack humor, angst

word count🍓: 1,8k words

Masterlist🍰

a/n: so here it is!! First of all, I want to apologize if there are some grammar mistakes, english isn't my first language and I really try my best to think in my native language so then I can think of it in english ((multilingual probs, yes)) and this is also the first time I try to write something for a au. I wanted to do it a little angst because i really needed it, sorry if i made any of you suffer with it. Enjoy🧘🏻‍♀️💜

After received the message, Y/N went to the bakery. She actually was nervous, the way Taehyung called another afternoon where they hang out ‘a date’ made her have very deep thoughts. She only was thinking about how suspicious all the boys were acting, not even her roommates and her best friend, but also Taehyung's friends. She could feel like they were hiding something from her.

Taehyung was nervous too, he was a mess. He only wanted to run, as he did the day Y/N entered into the bakery for the first time. He remembers that day as if it was last week, but it actually was five months ago. He couldn't believe someone like Y/N would have has a crush on him. He really appreciated how Y/N was a really truthworthy person, he loved how her eyes speaks to him when something happends, but then, when Haneul appeared in the bakery, he lost his mind. His cousin was taking her order while he was admiring her behind the counter “what is she doing here? why today?”, those were the questions he had in his mind. His cousin, Jongsoo, hit him in the arm, making him come back to the real world:

"Isn't that Haneul?” Jongsoo said while starting to prepare her order.

“I think so...” Taehyung bite his lip while looking at her.

“She hasn't changed, she looks even prettier.” his cousin mocks him.

“Jongsoo, you know I'm not interested in her knowing how she was with me and how she broke me completly. You know I like Y/N so much and what I will do today.”

“Go and give her the order.”

“Okay, asshole.” Taehyung rolls his eyes and takes the tray.

He approaches her without do any eye contact. He was scared, he was scared of get lot in her eyes like he did two years ago. He didn't want that now, he can remember perfectly how she played with him, with his feelings and his trust, how she was getting to know someone else when she was playing with him, giving Taehyung hopes for nothing.

Y/N was almost there. She stopped in front of the door and breathed before open it. When she entered, the pleasant aroma of fresh brownie was all she could smell. She went directly to the counter. There was Jongsoo, he was smiling to her like she always does when she enters in there.

“Hey Y/N!” The lovely boy looks to her in a very soft way.

“You did brownies today?” Y/N closed her eyes and smelled again the sweet aroma.

“Yes, we did. You want some?”

In that exactly moment, she could listen to Taehyung loudly laugh. She was confussed, she changed the direction and saw him. He was 10cm close to that girl, she took one finger with cream of her cake and booped Taehyung's nose. Both of them started to laugh loudly again, like if they were the only persons in the place, they were in their own world. Y/N's eyes started to be watering. She looked at Jongsoo, that was shocked and confussed at she was. She answered to his question denying with her head. Her tears already were in the way to her cheeks, she turn back to the counter and left the place. Right when she left, rain drops started to fall in her skin, she didn't even cared if she was getting wet. She didn't want to see anyone right now, less Taehyung. The streets were empty and she didn't know in what direction she was going. She saw a bench in front of a small lake, under a big old tree and sat down there, looking nowhere while her tears still going down off her cheeks. Two minutes later, she could feel how someone opened a umbrella and sat next to her.

“I think you need this” She could recognize Namjoon's voice. “You are going to catch a cold” He put the hood of her jacket on her head. She wiped the tears of her checks and looked at him, he smiled softly. “C'mon come here” He opened his arms giving Y/N space in his chest, she comfortable accepted and he hugged her like they used to.

“How do you knew I was here?” After five minutes of silence, she spoke.

“I was in there too. I was drinking a coffee and saw you when you entered and when you left running without reason.” He looked again at her and saw her sobbing.

“Did you saw him?” Tears started to drop again off of her eyes.

“I didn't. All I saw was his cousin screaming to him right before you left and then I don't know what happened because I was looking for you in every street.” He takes a break. “I know how you feel right now Y/N.... I don't want you to see you sad again. I hope that what happened there was just a misunderstanding and that he apologizes how he has to.”

“Joon, even if he wants to apologize to me... I won't accept his apologies. What If what I saw is what he does when I'm not around of him? Imagine all the things he could do to me.”

“I honestly don't think he is like that, maybe is just someone he used to have feelings and his feelings for her still there. Sometimes, we just need to take some time. Maybe, if time passes you will accept his apologies. Sooner or later, we all need to maturate and speak like real adults about our problems.”

“But Joon...” he didn't let her finish the sentence.

“No ‘but Joons’ Y/N, I know the only thing you want right now is to shout at him and tell him he is stupid and more swears I won't say, I know you” she agreed with her head “but we can't speak when we are mad because we can worsen all, and you don't want to do that. You believe in love, you trust and you feel so comfortable with him to now throw the beautiful relationship both of you have away and try to act like nothing happened. Let him take some time to think about what he did and make a great apology, and that time while you wait for it you should also take it as a therapy for yourself.”

“Okay, I will give him some time. I was thinking in going with my parents next week...”

“But the vacation week is in the other week... Are you going to leave me alone at class?” Namjoon pouted and make her smile, he felt fulfilled when he saw her and couldn't help but smile with her.

“I'm sorry... but I have my excuse and you are agree with it”

Both of them stayed there talking. Listening to the calmly water dropping. Y/N started to feel better, even if she looked lost in her mind and in her thoughts. She could feel the vibration of her phone in the pocket of the down coat she was wearing, but she didn't care. At sometime they felt like someone was behind them watching, but Y/N and Namjoon won't said anything. All they wanted was silence and peace for a moment.

“What did I just do?” Taehyung thought. He messed all up, like he always do. After he listened to Jungsoo loud scream calling him in anger, he noticed what he did. He felt like an asshole, a completely asshole. He looked at Haneul, she was laughing of him. He looked at her with so much anger that she could felt how he killed her with a gaze. In a moment he ran to the back of the bakery to take his jacket and a umbrella. He wanted to talk with Y/N, apologize to her in some way, tell her he doesn't deserver her and how stupid he was.

He went around the whole neighborhood looking for her, he knew she would be somewhere there. When he was in the end of a street, he saw two persons sitting on a bench. He thought one of them was Y/N, but everyone in the city wears the same jacket. All he could do was calling her on her phone, but won't answer. The person in the bench that he thought that was her did not flinch. He decided to call Yoongi in his way back to the bakery, he was still working with the bouquet he ordered for the special occasion.

“Yes, Taehyung I'm on my way to the bakery” Yoongi said right when he picked the call.

“No Yoongi... I did something stupid... I called you to see if you knew something about Y/N.” He couldn't speak, he was feeling really bad about it.

“Fuck you Taehyung.” Yoongi hang up. Yoongi stopped his way to the bakery and called Y/N, but he neither received any answer of her, but knew she could probably be with Namjoon because he knew he was going to the bakery in case she needed help, and he was totally right.

Taehyung decided to call Jungkook, but news travels fast in their group of friends and he neither won't answer his calls. Taehyung was desperate, so he decided to call Namjoon. Namjoon didn't answer the call, but sent him a message.

“I know what happened. I know how Y/N is and trust me, right now isn't the best time to talk about it because her anger will make things worse. I hated to listen about what happened, but I really still trusting you, Taehyung. I know you can make her forget about it if you really do a right apology and let her have some time alone. I know you want to make it now, but think about the right words and you will receive the answer you want from her. Thank you for understanding Taehyung. She loves you.”

He couldn't help but go to his apartment reading the message over and over again. All he needed in that moment was his friends trying to cheer him up.

Taehyung felt so empty without her the whole weekend, without her messages asking how he was doing, without his movie night dates where they kiss and hug more than watch the movie. And also, he couldn't stop thinking about what Namjoon said “she loves you” was tattooed in his mind the whole time, the only thing that could give him hopes about her accepting his apology that he was working on.

Y/N was feeling like him too, empty, but she still angry. She was in her way to spend two weeks with her parents. She tried to concentrate her mind in things that weren't related to love in case she started crying in the train. Jungkook, Yoongi and Namjoon promised her that they would visit her the next week. They were really angry with Taehyung, they also really tried their best entertaining Y/N so her won't think in him, and it worked perfectly fine. Jungkook was preparing to beat Taehyung's ass the Monday on class, but Yoongi and Namjoon weren't very into violence so they decided to take the advantage of Y/N not being there and visiting him in the bakery to talk one of the days.

taglist: @1-in-abillion @biscuitete @yoongisabby @simplymemyself @slumpd0ll @ncitydreamies @lyndseygoregasmxo @taestrawberry @parkchaeyoung1997 @happyhrsme

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pixie88 · 3 years

Text

Baby Shower

Chapter 7 - Together - Adam & Ellie.

A/N: This chapter is a fast forward. Rereading it seems like a filler but a fluffy filler! I’m loving my new collages!! SO PRETTY!!! I hope you like it!

Comments always welcome good or bad!

I am only tagging those who have asked to be tagged in this new series from now on as I don't want to annoying people with tags. So Let me know if you would like to be tagged and if I missed anyone sorry just let me know!

Find previous chapters HERE under Together - Adam & Ellie.

Word count: 1885

WARNINGS: ⚠️ Fluffy fluff, NSFW & adult language.

Pairings: Adam x Ellie.

Enjoy 😘

I've been home for 4 days now, I'm bored Adam is at work he wanted to stay home but I convince him that I am fine. But now? Now I'm bored! Daytime TV is awful, I decide to go for a walk. I pop into Bridezillas, Jess looks up at me as I walk into the shop "Hey Ellie! How are you feeling?" she has the most fake smile.

"Hi, I'm feeling OK, just bored!"

"I can imagine it must be just staring at 4 walls all day. Have you heard anything about what is happening to the girl that attacked you?"

"Erm, last I heard they were charging her. Adam is dealing with updates. Has it been busy?"

I don't know if it's real or fake but she gives me an apologetic look "Psycho, hopefully she'll get what's coming to her. Today has been pretty steady actually" the shop phone rings Jess smile and answers it.

I hear the shop door open and turn to greet what I thought would be a customer to be face with his 'Why aren't you resting, look' I feel like a kid being caught with her hand in the cookie jar "Ellie, what are you doing here? Why aren't you at home with your feet up?"

I give him my best pouty sad face "I was bored, so I thought I'd go for a walk and just popped in. How did you know I was here?"

He gives me that grin, "I was walking back from the shop, we needed more tea at work and I saw you in here"

Jess interrupts "Ellie, are you OK to keep an eye out here for a minute or two? Amy is on her break and I need to check out back if a customers dress has been altered?"

I look over my shoulder at her "Yeah, that's fine" She smiles before rushing out the back to the stock room.

"Busted then! I was just so bored I was going to go stir crazy just watching TV"

His arms come around me, his cheek bushes mine as he whispers against my ear "I could've kept you company, but you told me to go back to work!"

I laugh, "Adam!!" I playfully swat him.

"Back thanks Ellie!" Jess calls from behind.

"Right, come on I'm taking you to lunch"

"Oooo, can we go to The Grill? I'm really feeling a chicken burger! Oh, and ice! Baby wants ice!"

He laughs, entwines his fingers through mine and pulls me towards the door "Bye Jess!" I call over

"Bye!"

We get outside "I just need to pop these into the office" we walk over to his office, we get out the front then I freeze on the spot.

Adam turns to look at me, then it clicks and his face turns to concern "Ellie, beautiful! I'm sorry! You know what I'll leave these here and tell Rob there outside. Don't worry I won't let anyone hurt you or Charlie! I promise! Let's get you some lunch"

~*~*~*~

After lunch Adam drops me home, I'm looking round the spare bedroom we emptied a few weeks ago. We have the paint, furniture, and furnishings. Nina and Al decided to stay another week after my incident with Laura. I give Nina a text, half an hour later, Al and Nina arrive "Ellie, let's get start on this room" Nina rushes me upstairs. She paints not letting me help and Al puts together the furniture.

I hear my phone.

*1 New Message from Hubster*

[Hey yummy mummy, I hope you're at home resting! I will grab you a couple of bags of ice on the way home! x]

[Hi my gorgeous husband, I am! I've just grabbed one of your hoodies while the heating is heating up as I'm cold. I will send a photo as proof haha! You know how to make a girl happy, I just finished the bag we got at lunch :( xx]

I take a kissy-pouty face photo with his white hoodie in my hand to throw him off and hit send.

*1 New Message from Hubster*

[Beautiful! Probably all that ice you've eaten that's made you cold. OK, I'll get 4 bags might last until tomorrow at least. x]

[Haha, it probs is! I might get in bed until I warm up. Not a bad craving to have, can't put on weight eating ice! haha. We will see you later xx]

Later I'm just putting the vacuum round Charlie new bedroom, Nina and Al have, left as they have plans with Elaine.

"Ellie? Gorgeous? Are you here?"

I hear him call out as he comes in for work "I'm up here! Come up!" I call down, I rush out of the room and close the door.

He reaches the top of the stairs and turns to me "There you are!"

"I have a surprise for you!"

He narrow his eyes at me "Would it have anything to do with that paint on, your forehead?"

I touch my head (Crap!) "Ellie, what have you been up to?"

"Come here, cover your eyes and follow me!" I pull him with me as I open the door "You can't open your eyes until say!"

He grins, I pull him further into the room "Open them!"

He opens his eyes and looks round the room "Ellie, Wow! This is amazing!" he has the brightest smile, "Wait, you didn't lift that furniture did you?"

I laugh "No, of course not. I got your mum and dad to help. Your dad put everything together your mum painted the walls, I did offer to help but she would only let me make teas"

He wraps his arms around me "Ellie, it's perfect!" he claims my lips with his "Now, let me make you dinner!"

"No, Adam I'll make it! You've been at work all day"

He cups my face "And you're pregnant and came home only 4 days ago! I'm cooking no arguments" he kisses my lips softly. I know there's not point in protesting.

~*~*~*~

4 Weeks later.

He clutches my hips as I'm bouncing up and down him "Fuck baby! That's it ride me!" he pushes off the bed and sits up as pulls me to his lips.

I grasp his lip between my teeth, he groans and I let go before his lips kiss along my pulse line. He moves his hips up burying himself further into me "Yes! That's it! Oh!!" a wave of pleasure explodes between my legs and I hit my climax.

He drives into me a few more times before he hits his own.

I collapse onto him, he wraps me up into his arms "Do you have to go to work today?" I put on my pouty face.

He chuckles "Not had enough?"

I shook my head, "You will have so much more fun with me" I wink.

"I would but I'm busy at work" he kisses me gently before getting out of bed, he turns "But you can always join me in the shower!" he winks. I jump up, and he pulls me towards the bathroom with him.

After our shower we are in the bedroom getting dressed, I'm sat on the bed when I feel a flutter in my tummy (That's new) I rest a hand against my bump and I feel it "Adam!! He's kicking!" He spins round and rushes over to me, I take his hand and place it where I felt the kick.

*Kick!*

Adam felt it, his face lights up "He kicked!" then another and another. "Oh wow! This is amazing Ellie!" Adam's phone rings and rings and rings "Rob, what's up?...Yeah, of course. OK, I'll be right there!" he hangs up "I've got to go. I love you...the both of you" he kisses my cheek then my bump.

"We'll see you later!" I smile.

I have today off as Amy needed to swap days. Mum has invited me to lunch at the club, I take the train into the city centre.

[Hey husband! <<I don't think I'll ever get bored of calling you that! 5 weeks tomorrow you made me your proud wife! How's work? Not working to hard I hope?! You'll need your energy for later ;) Just on my way to mum's club for lunch. x]

*1 New Message from Hubster*

[Hello my beautiful wife < I won't get bored of calling you that either xx. Wow, feels like yesterday! Yeah, work is fine muddling through. Oh, will I now? Why would that be!? Have fun and think of me stuck here! xx]

[Good because that's my title until I'm 6 feet under! haha. Aww just think we could be in bed sweating, panting and screaming each others names...but you chose work. Because I plan you for you to fuck me all night! haha! x]

*1 New Message from Hubster*

[That won't be for a long time yet! Fuck picturing it now *boxers feeling tight!* I won't make that mistake again. I plan to keep you in bed until you're sore ;) I need to get back to work. I love you both xx]

[I could've helped with that....but I can't now. You better not!!!!!!!! Ooooh looking forward to it. We love you too x]

~*~*~*~

I get to the club and head inside.

*SURPRISE!*

I look around the room is decorated in blue balloons, it's a boy and baby shower banners! Everyone is here my mum, Tom, Amy, Justin, Elaine, Nina, Kerry and Adam. My emotions get the better of me and I burst into tears.

Mum rushes over to me "Oh, El's this was supposed to have the opposite effect"

I smell his aftershave then feel his arms wrap around me "Hey beautiful! No tears!"

I smile through the tears, he cups my face and wipes them away "Sorry, I just wasn't expecting this! It's such a lovely gesture!" I apologize.

I dry my tears and Adam leads me to a table "Was this your doing? I thought you were busy?"

"Hey Ellie, You can cry if your want to 1. it's your party and 2. you're pregnant, you can be emotional and no one can question it" Elaine calls over.

He gives me a smug smile, "I had to make you believe that because I needed to get here to help your mum. Do you really think I would have turned down a day in bed with you for work?"

I laugh, "I'll remember that next time! Your mum is here! She's racking up some air miles"

"When Mel mentioned it to me a few months ago I had a word with mum. I said she didn't need to come down, but she wanted to. I think she likes you more than me," he laughs, "But seriously she wants to be here in her words 'Adam don't be so silly this is my first grandchild I'm going to get on the first plane for everything, the birth, their first steps etc'"

I laugh, "Bless her!"

Later after gifts and food. I'm catching up with Tom "How are you feeling El's?"

"Like an emotional hippo!" He laughs, "So, it looks like you and Justin are over your little spat?"

"Yeah, El's there's something I need to tell you," he gives me a look I can't read.

"What? What is it?"

"El's, come on let's cut the cake!" Mum pulls me away before Tom can answer. (What does he want to tell me?)

Continue reading this story here - Chapter 8.

@lem-20 @khoicesbyk @aussieez @shewillreadyou @txemrn @irisofpurple

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mikkomacko · 4 years

Text

In The Shadows

Shout out to @harryxmac for being the sweetest and helping me! 😊

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The sun shines brightly on the row of small houses, the clear blue sky making them appear even nicer. It's nice weather, y/n thinks with a smile, the perfect weather for moving day. As if reading her thoughts, Jess voices her gratitude for the weather.

"God it's beautiful outside."

Y/n nods, lifting one of the boxes out of the car and heading towards their little cottage. She passes her mom, who smiles a bit too emotionally, heading into the house and leaving the box on the floor. Her mama slides it into a stack with the others, just as Jess enters.

"I call the other upstairs bedroom!" She suddenly shouts, as if y/n would ever argue with her. After years of being best friends, you think she'd know her better than that. The cottage houses four girls instead of two like a regular dorm, and the girls that are living with them had requested two of the three rooms upstairs, leaving y/n downstairs. Not that she minds, she'd rather not climb stairs every day.

"Guess we can start moving this stuff into the room down here." Her mama says, lifting two stacked boxes and taking them to the room down the tiny hallway. Y/n helps her, moving all her stuff into the fairly big room while her mom brings the rest of her stuff in. Y/n can't help but giggle watching Jess and her mother carry boxes up the steps, and her mama scolds her with a swat to her arm.

Y/n and her mom settle on the couch placed randomly in the living room, snickering quietly as the three girls go up and down the stairs.

"Laughing? Without me?" A dramatic voice gasps from the open doorway, and y/n's head snaps at the familiar voice.

Harry stands in the doorway, grinning boyishly at her and her mom. Y/n saw him a couple times over the summer, but she was so busy with working and he was constantly driving back up to the school for summer soccer practices that it wasn't enough. Not even close to enough.

"Either help or move!" Jess shouts, snapping y/n out of her gaze as she pushes Harry out of the way. He scoffs, and Anne mutters an apology as she pecks Harry's cheek.

"Harry! Oh come give me a hug!" Her mom cheers, rising up from the couch. Harry immediately swoops in to hug her, cheek squishing adorably against her mom's.

"I swear you get taller every time I see you." Her mom says motherly, squeezing Harry's face. He chuckles bashfully, turning to y/n with a grin.

"You all moved in peanut?" He asks, looking around for extra boxes. She smiles nervously and nods.

"Not unpacked, but moved in." Harry chuckles at her words, and his smile grows when his sister curses as she stomps up the stairs.

"Never take the room upstairs." He advises with a shake of his head. Y/n and her mom both chuckle, and Jess curses from upstairs again.

"It's only a matter of time before they make you take over." Her mom says, patting Harry on the back. He huffs, looking at y/n pleadingly.

"Want some help unpacking? I'm great at putting beds together!"

She probably shouldn't be in a room alone with him, not when he's wearing a practically see through white tee-shirt and he's got a hat holding back his curly hair. And definitely not when he's gotten much broader over the summer, and somehow started a collection of tattoos.

But she can't help herself. He's her friend after all, even if he's undeniably attractive. So she nods, and they quickly move to her room. Harry works on putting her bed together, and y/n starts unloading her things onto the white bookshelf.

"Remember how nervous you were for high school?" Harry suddenly says with a short laugh. Y/n scowling, shakes her head.

"Thought you were gonna throw up in my car peanut."

Y/n scoffs, glaring at him. "No you didn't!"

He smirks at the rise in her tone. "Was just thinking about it because you don't look too nervous for college."

Y/n shrugs, stacking a group of books next to each other and using a candle to keep them from falling over. "Don't have to be. I've got Jess."

She almost misses the way his eyes widen with faux hurt and he pouts. Her heart shudders in her chest, and she balks for a moment because she forgot he was so cute. "And you, of course."

Immediately his smirk returns, and he nods as he lays out the frame of her bed. "Where do ya want this peanut?"

Y/n doesn't even turn to look at him. "Corner please."

Harry grunts softly as he moves the bed, and then again as he moves her box spring and mattress for her. She turns back to her box, finding Harry laying on her unmade bed. She wants to tease him for only helping for ten minutes, but she also doesn't want to disturb him so she stays silent.

After a moment, he speaks. "Think ya should come to this party next week. S'at my house, so I know it's safe, and I don't know, might be a good initiation into the school."

"You're not gonna like make us streak across campus or sell drugs because we're new right?"

Harry's laugh is loud and bubbly, and it makes her blush and grin proudly. "I would never peanut."

"You're gonna call me that forever aren't you?"

His reply is instantaneous. "Absolutely. Always gonna be peanut."

Y/n doesn't mind the nickname Harry's always called her, but it feels right to complain about it. She however, doesn't get the chance before her mom and mama are entering the room, playfully scolding Harry for not helping. He immediately helps her mom crush empty boxes, and y/n can't help but think it's sweet that Harry's helping her instead of his sister.

"Harry, you promise to take care of my baby right?" Her mom asks, and y/n doesn't have to look at her to see the pout on her mom's face.

"Of course I will," Harry says firmly. "Always looking out for peanut."

She blushes, and her mama must notice because she immediately squishes her in a hug. Y/n rolls her eyes, hoping Harry didn't notice her blushing. As long as he doesn't notice, it doesn't matter. Because it's harmless, she reminds herself, her crush on Harry is harmless.

Y/n knows it's not okay to be doing this. God, it's so far from okay, but she can't help herself. She's never been good at handling alcohol, especially Tequila, which is what she's been drinking all night. Well, she's on her second glass but it's still enough to make her giggle at everything and nothing, and her eyelids are feeling heavy. It must be noticeable because Harry's slowly but surely plastering himself to her side, arm slinging around her shoulder when she stumbles on the uneven grass.

"Never should've given ya that drink," Harry murmurs, words laced in amusement as y/n pouts over the tequila that sloshed to the ground.

"Should give me another one, I think." She says innocently, blinking up at Harry. She's not sure when he got so tall or so handsome, and it bothers her. He's not allowed to be this attractive, not when she can't do anything about it.

"Should give you water, I think." He mocks with a deep chuckle. Y/n doesn't know what's so funny, but she giggles because he does, and he must know she's lost because it makes him laugh even more.

"Alright peanut," Harry sighs, snatching her drink out of her hand. Before she can whine he dumps it's contents to the grass, crushing the red solo cup in his long fingers. "no more tequila for you."

Y/n whines, pouting at the crushed cup in his hand. "You're so mean!" She cries dramatically. "You're a bully Harry!"

He laughs again, leading her up the porch steps and towards the packed frat house. "M'just terrible aren't I?"

"Yes."

"The absolute worst."

"Mhm."

"Big bad wolf, yeah?"

"Yeah."

Her whiny mumbles make him laugh again, holding her tighter to his side as they push through the crowd. She doesn't really know how she got stuck under Harry's arm while he laughs and teases her. She had just wanted to watch her first game of beer pong outside, and Harry had found her, explaining the rules. Next thing she knew, she was half way through her second drink and tripping over everything with Harry having to hold her up. Maybe she's not meant to come to frat parties.

They reach the staircase where y/n had left Jess about an hour ago. She's still there, taking selfies with a couple other girls from their chemistry class.

"Gonna hate me forever?"

"Probs."

Harry laughs loudly, the sound making Jess turn to look at them. "Stop talking like you're a text from a middle schooler."

"Stop being mean." Y/n says, smacking his shoulder gently. She giggles again, for no real reason, and that's when Jess finally stands up from the stairs, looking at y/n in amusement.

"Did you get my best friend drunk?"

"I found her this way!" Harry defends, stumbling when y/n steps on his toes. Y/n giggles again, leaning towards Jess with a drunken pout on her face.

"Tell Harry to stop being mean or you're gonna make Anne ground him."

Jess holds back a snicker, pursing her lips. "Our mom can't ground him from home, ya goose."

Y/n scoffs, looking back at Harry who shrugs innocently, gripping her elbow when she sways. "Anne can do whatever she wants. She's Anne."

"Well I'm a grown boy peanut, and you're drunk." Harry says, nodding towards the front door. Jess slips her arm around y/n, helping Harry lead her out of the house. "So I think you should head to bed, and we'll see if I'm grounded in the morning."

The fresh air feels good on y/n's sticky skin and she sighs dreamily. "Head bed, bed head, bed bed." She mururms, not realizing thst Harry and Jess are practically carrying her towards Jess' car.

"You good to drive?" Harry asks, looking over the top of y/n's head at his sister. She rolls her eyes, nodding.

"I'm not stupid. I wouldn't get drunk if I knew I was driving."

"Didn't say you were stupid," Harry grumbles, "was just checking. M'allowed to make sure my baby sister gets home safe."

"I'm not a baby anymore."

"Stop whining, I'm trying to hear God." Y/n shushes them, blinking up at the night sky with big blurry eyes.

"You don't believe in God, y/n." Jess says, letting her rest on Harry as she unlocks her car.

"I could believe in God!"

Harry snorts, looking up at the sky too. "Look peanut, God's put a big bright star up for ya."

Y/n gasps at Harry's words, stumbling away from him and slowly spinning in a circle, head tilted all the way back. It's obvious she doesn't know what she's looking for, but Harry grins either way.

"Stop it Harry, you're going to make her dizzy." Jess snaps, walking over to grip y/n's arm and tug her towards the car.

"I don't see it." She mururms sadly, falling into the passenger seat with a pout. Jess helps her buckle and situate her legs in the car.

"That's because Harry lied to you."

"WTF Harry!" Y/n gasps, head snapping to look at him with hurt eyes. "You are mean!"

He crouches down by her now that Jess is out of the way, having moved to get in the driver's seat. "IDK peanut, I think m'funny."

Her eyebrows scrunch, head falling back against the seat. "What does that mean?"

He smirks. "I don't know."

Y/n nods slowly as Jess starts the car. "Oh ok. Maybe Jess knows."

Harry laughs again, eyes crinkling with it and bunny teeth coming out with how wide he smiles. "It means I don't know." He explains through his giggles.

"Oh," y/n says quietly, eyes focusing on the windshield as if stuck in deep thought. "good night Harry."

He barely has time to move before she's slamming the door shut, finger reaching up to press down the lock. Harry chuckles again, moving around the car to tell Jess goodnight. She rolls down the window, letting him kiss her cheek before they look at y/n who's laying against the center console.

"She'll be a blast in the morning." He murmurs, still chuckling at her.

"Can't be any more whiny than she already is."

Harry shrugs. "S'her first party. Give her a break." He ruffles Jess' hair, before murmuring goodnight. Jess repeats the sentiment, fixing her hair with a scowl.

He waits while she puts the car in the drive, smirking proudly when he hears y/n quietly mutter "Harry's a funny dude." Jess just scoffs, rolling up her window as she rolls her eyes. She waves at Harry through the glass before pulling away from the curb, and Harry stays watching until the car disappears around the corner. He even waits a few extra seconds, blowing out a puff of air in hopes to cool off the stirring in his stomach.

"God help me," he mutters to the sky, running a hand through his hair. "she's right. M'the worst."

Harry's unlacing his cleats and shoving them in his bag when Niall slides down the bench next to him. Harry nods to him as a greeting, sliding on his Nikes.

"First game of the season on Friday," Niall says, trying to play cool but Harry knows he's excited. Hell, he's excited too. "gonna be sick."

"Zoe coming to cheer you on?" Harry asks, knowing how much Niall loves when his girlfriend comes to their games.

"Of course!" Niall says proudly, the two of them rising and heading towards the parking lot. They're always the last two to leave, considering it's their job as captains to make sure the fields clean and everyone gets home safe. "How about you? Anyone special?"

Harry shrugs, heart thrumming in his chest. "Ma sister, I think." He says nonchalantly, but his brain enthusiastically adds 'and y/n!' He ignores it, glad that Niall can't read his thoughts.

"Her friend coming too? The funny one from the party?" Okay, maybe Niall can read his thoughts.

"Oh," Harry says, shrugging again, "probably. They do everything together."

Niall nods, but Harry can see the smirk on his best friend's face. "That must be cool, getting to see both of them all the time"

Harry hums, not sure what to say. Of course Niall would be able to tell that Harry has a soft spot for y/n, he knows him better than anyone.

"Anyway, you should invite them to the party after. Think the short one would be good at beer pong."

"Y/n," Harry quickly mumbles, scratching the back of his head. He always does that when he's nervous. "her name's y/n-" he clears his throat, "but yeah, I will."

Niall nods, the two of them climbing into sperate cars. Usually they drive from the frat house together, but Harry had left a little later this morning. He had a hard time sleeping last night after having a dream that left his heart racing and fingers tingling. And maybe he tried to sleep a little longer hoping he'd get to stay on that dream, and maybe that dream was about y/n. Doesn't matter, Harry reminds himself as he pulls out of the parking lot, doesn't matter because it's harmless.

When Y/n and Jess decided to live together in The Cottages instead of the dorms, she'd thought it'd be fun. She thought it'd be her and her best friend bonding and having fun with two roommates. They'd maybe have movie nights, and decorate the living room they share with little plants and lots of pillows, and maybe they'd even cook together. Granted, she's only lived here for a week, but it is not that way.

Y/n is sat at the counter, chin in hand as she watches the blender spin round and round. Jess is sat with her, texting on her phone with a happy smile, and y/n is a little peeved by it. How did she somehow end up so drunk? Jess was drinking too and she's 100% fine. And Harry was drinking too but he looks even better.

She looks him up and down, only able to see from his hips up because of the counter. He had said he came straight from soccer practice when Jess had questioned his messy hair and athletic clothes, and that alone let y/n know that he wasn't hungover. She frowns as he shuts off the blender, pouring the green smoothie into a glass, and she wishes she hadn't drank last night. She had fun learning about beer pong from Harry and watching all his frat brothers cheer stupidly for every little thing, but her pounding headache is making her kinda hate Harry right now.

"Drink up peanut, it'll help." Harry says, sliding the glass over to her. Y/n has seen Harry drink this same smoothie lots of times before, especially during soccer season. After he made varsity his sophmore year of high school he started to take his health really seriously. He still joined y/n and Jess for midnight snacks when she slept over, and he loved their weekly root beer float parties, but he started working out more and trading off most of his favorite junk foods for healthier options.

Y/n thinks that's what did it for her. Harry was always sweet to her when they were growing up, and even though Jess is her best friend, she's always considered Harry her second best. But it was freshman year that y/n started to see as Harry as more than just sweet. He was cute, really cute with his mop of curls and dimples. Freshman year was when y/n started feeling weird about being at their house, mostly because she knew she would eventually bump into Harry after he'd come back from a run, all sweaty and cheeks pink. She still thinks he's cute, but when she looks up from the questionable smoothie to Harry's expectant gaze, she just feels irritated.

"You shouldn't have let me have a second cup." She mutters sadly, taking a hesitant sip of the drinks. It's strong and refreshing, and she imagines this is what it would taste like to eat straight grass. It's not bad, but she doesn't like how grainy it feels on her tongue.

"I tried to stop ya," Harry chuckles, turning his back to her and Jess as he puts the leftover smoothie in the fridge. "there's only so much a white male can resist."

Y/n doesn't mean to, because she's still annoyed, but she does giggle at Harry's words. "Why do you say it like that?"

Harry chuckles too, leaning forward on his elbows so their eyes are level. "Like what?"

"Like I seduced you for alcohol or something!"

Both her and Harry bust out in giggles, his head dropping forward as his shoulders shake, and y/n brings to hands up to stifle the noise.

"Who's being so loud?" Harry and y/n both turn to the walkway between the kitchen and living room, y/n's shoulders falling when she sees it's Tia and Jo, their roommates.

"Not me!" Jess immediately says, and y/n scoffs. Usually Jess is always laughing and teasing with her and Harry, when she's not glued to her phone. She hadn't even said a word to y/n before Harry showed up and drug y/n out of bed.

"Sorry ladies," Harry says smoothly, and he somehow misses the way the two girls swoon, "that was us."

"Y/n?" Jo gasps dramatically, coming into the kitchen and perching on the counter. "You? Being loud?"

"I do talk, ya know?" Y/n defends, taking another drink of her smoothie.

"Not like this." Tia sings, sitting next to Jo on the countertop. Harry moves down, now perfectly adjacent from y/n and she can't help but grin in triumph. She hates that Tia and Jo think they can oggle Harry. That's their roommates brother for Christ's sake!

"You don't even know me that well!"

Jo and Tia both shrug, exchanging an unknown look that has y/n scowling. She hears Harry breathe out a chuckle, and she turns to find him looking at her, clearly amused. She quirks an eyebrow.

"Finish your drink peanut, you're being grumpy."

"I am not!"

"Yes you are." Jess and Harry say in unison, and Harry proudly smirks at the backup from his sister. Y/n, not feeling like arguing with them, continues to down the smoothie.

"Anyway," Harry says, drumming his fingers on the counter, "I've got my first game on Friday, and the house is having a little tailgate before so if ya want..."

Y/n looks over at Jess, finding her eyes still locked on her phone and eyebrows furrowed in that same way Harry's do. "We'll be there." She says for the both of them. Harry beams, silently thanking her with his fond eyes, before reaching over the counter to smack the top of his sister's head.

"Thanks for the support J."

Jess finally looks up, rolling her eyes at Harry. "Of course I'll be there. The fact that you think I need an invitation to go, is insulting."

Y/n giggles, quickly bringing her cup up to her mouth when Harry gives her an unimpressed look.

"We were thinking of going to the game too!" Tia pipes up, speaking at a higher pitch than normal. Y/n can't help but roll her eyes. She's always hated when girls act differently around guys to gain their favor, especially if that guy is Harry. He's the most accepting and welcoming man she's ever met, and if whoever's trying to impress him is faking it, they obviously know nothing about him and therefore should leave him alone.

"Oh, sick!" Harry smiles, "Who are you going for?"

Y/n can't help but snort, the sound echoing in her nearly empty glass. She quickly brings a hand up to her mouth, wiping away the dribble of smoothie on her chin. Tia huffs, hopping off the counter and tugging Jo with her, the two disappearing out of the kitchen.

"Wha' was that for?" Harry asks, brow furrowed in bewilderment.

"Are you kidding?" Jess asks, finally locking her phone and sliding it in her hoodie pocket. Harry looks at her with a blank look on his face, and Jess and y/n share a look of astonishment.

"They were obviously going for you!" Jess exclaims, sighing in annoyance when Harry's face immediately scrunches up in confusion. He begins to shake his head, looking at y/n for help but she has none.

"I'm with her!" Y/n quickly says, raising her hands up. "Those two have been drooling over you since you helped us move in."

"No they haven't!"

"Yes they have!" Jess practically screams. "Why do you think I'm constantly on my phone around them? I will not talk to anyone who blatantly lusts after my older brother. You are off limits to friends and roommates, and they know that."

Y/n feels her stomach twist, breath feeling heavy in her lungs. Harry's mouth opens in shock, eyes widening like a deer and y/n turns her gaze to the countertop.

"You mean to tell me, that if I met one of your friends, and we got on, we were like real fucking soulmates, they can't date me?"

Jess shrugs. "Yes."

"But she's my soulmate? You'd take me away from my bloody soulmate?"

"Duh! No one's allowed two Styles'. I should be enough." Jess says with certainty, and y/n feels Harry look at her. She ignores his gaze.

"Y/n grew up with both of us, that's two Styles." Harry says, crossing his arms over his chest. Y/n practically whines, not wanting to be drug in this. When it comes to Harry and Jess arguing, there's no reason. Jess is the baby of the family, used to always winning and she's quite the diva. And well, Harry's stubborn and clever, and he takes everything personally. And they both can hold grudges for a really long time.

"But she's my best friend, you just happened to be there too."

Harry scoffs. "Bullshit. I got personally invited to her Sweet Sixteen."

Y/n, hating that they're discussing her as if she's not in the room, silently climbs off the barstool and heads towards her bedroom. She can hear Harry and Jess talking over each other about all the sleepovers they had as kids, and it makes her head pound. She sighs, stomach feeling nauseous and she knows it's not the hangover anymore.

"I thought football was supposed to be the big deal, not soccer."

Y/n chuckles at Jess, tugging down the sleeves of her long sleeve. She didn't have any shirts that match the school colors, so she just wore a plain black top, knowing that that's a pretty neutral color. She doesn't know the color of whatever team Harry's playing tonight, but she didn't want to risk accidentally wearing their color.

"Why can't both be a big deal?"

"Because that's not how life works," Jess says, as if it were obvious. "one sport is always favored at a school, typically football. I guess that's not the case here."

Y/n nods, looking around the huge crowd of people. The soccer fans have taken over the baseball field, trucks and cars parked in outfield. Grills, and tents, and games have been set up, and a mini game of soccer using a child's ball has broken out. That, and the school banners and flags and posters for the team do give away the fact that soccer is a favorite here. She looks over the signs, smiling proudly when she sees that Harry doesn't have one specifically for him. Her fingers tighten on the poster she painted this morning.

"That's cool that Harry's a part of something so big then, right?"

Jess shrugs, pushing through a group of people. A table with red solo cups comes up on their left, and Jess immediately grabs a cup. "I guess. I mean, it's not like he can put this under achievements on a job application..."

Y/n eyes the beer next to her, nose scrunching at the smell. She's not a fan of beer, and she doesn't really feel like drinking tonight anyway.

"I think it's great." Y/n finally says, looking around the crowd. She's not the kind of person who goes out a lot, especially in high school, but being here makes her feel sort of giddy. She's not sure if it's because she was actually invited out, or if it's just the energy in the crowd.

"Oh, there's Tina!" Jess whispers excitedly. Y/n follows her gaze, finding a group of girls gathered around a fire pit. They're all wearing matching sorority shirts that are tied up under their chests, and a couple of them have numbers painted on their cheeks. She wonders if they're dating any of the players, and she wonders if one of those numbers is Harry's.

"Which one's Tina?"

"The tall one! With the pink hair!" Jess exclaims, lightly smacking y/n's arm. Y/n finds her, noticing that she doesn't have a number on her face. She doesn't know why, but her lips quirk up a bit.

"If I get in with Tina, I'll be set for the rest of school." Jess breathes longingly. Y/n doesn't really want to be left alone at such a big tailgate, but she supposes she could find Tia or Jo, so she nudges Jess.

"Go talk to her. I'm sure she'd be impressed with you."

Jess beams, and she sets her empty cup down before squishing y/n in a hug, cautious of the poster she's holding. "Are you sure? You'll be okay?"

Y/n forces a nod. "I'll find someone to talk to." She assures, and that's enough for Jess to spin around and head towards Tina and her group. She watches her walk, smiling sadly when Jess is easily greeted with smiles and hugs. She wishes it were that easy to talk to new people. Lucky for her, y/n isn't alone for too long.

"Y/n! You made it!" Harry's already in his uniform, white jersey stretched over his broad chest and thin waist, shorts hugging his thick thighs. Y/n is too busy trying to keep her from jaw from dropping to look at the number on his jersey.

"Told ya I would!" She smiles, and then his eyes are dropping to the poster she has pressed against her legs, and her face grows hot.

"What have ya got there?" He asks innocently-too innocently-and y/n tightens her hold on it.

"None of your business."

Harry's mouth drops in shock, and he brings a hand up to his chest like a character in a soap opera. "Who are you and what have you done with my peanut?"

"Your peanut?" She repeats, hoping he can't tell how flustered his words got her. Her palms feel sweaty against the poster, and her long sleeve suddenly feels too hot.

"M'the only one that calls you peanut, aren't I?" He takes a step closer to her as someone passes behind him, and the sudden proximity of his chest catches her attention. Without thinking, her hand comes up to rest in the middle of his abdomen, and her eyes fall on the large number 7 resting there. She traces a finger over it, smiling softly. None of those girls had a number 7 on them.

"Have I got something on it?" Harry suddenly asks, sounding a bit panicked as he tilts his head down to try and look at his jersey.

"No!" She quickly says, pulling her hand back as if she'd touched fire. "No, I just, I didn't know your number."

"Oh," Harry says, and she finally looks up from his chest. He's looking at her with a smile that purses his lips together a bit but ultimately makes his dimples sink deeper.

She clears her throat, awkwardly wiggling the poster. "Was gonna put it on your sign, but yeah."

Harry's eyes light up, and his lips part to show his little bunny teeth. "Ya made me a sign?"

Her face grows hot again. "Y-yeah. Don't usually do the sports thing but uh I saw on tv that fans make signs so..."

She almost smacks herself for admitting that she watched a couple soccer games this week so she'd know what to expect from tonight's game. She went to a couple of his games in high school, but she didn't really pay attention to the game. She was more focused on the way Harry's shorts rid up every time he'd sprint down the field.

"Come with me, I've got a surprise for ya."

Y/n is pretty sure she's not allowed in the soccer boys locker room, but Harry doesn't seem to care as he tugs her between rows of metal doors. She tries not to stumble on haphazardly tossed bags or shoes, holding her poster up so it doesn't get bent or torn.

Harry stops in front of a locker, pulling open the door and releasing her hand to dig through his duffle bag. She leans against the closed lockers, looking around the dim room. It's pretty similar to the girls, and it doesn't smell as bad as she thought it would. Though the smell of cologne is a bit overwhelming.

After a few seconds of just Harry rifling through his bag, he lets out a noise of triumph as he reveals a white tee-shirt. He closes his locker, smiling like a boy on Christmas as he holds it out to her.

"Here," he says, "that way you'll always know my number."

Y/n holds the poster between her thighs, taking the shirt from him. She holds it out, and even though it's a bit crumpled, she smiles. It's got the schools logo on the front, along with a little number 7. She flips it over, and the back is set up like a jersey, Styles stamped across the back.

"B-but this is yours." Y/n stutters, mentally cursing herself because she really does want the shirt but won't that bother Jess? What will she say to her if she asks? "I don't want to take your clothes, you'll run out."

Harry chuckles, tugging on his earlobe nervously. "I mean, I've got a bunch, and well you don't have any school gear so..."

It may be against the rules, but y/n is only human and she can't turn him down twice. Sighing dramatically and trying to fight a smile, she pulls the shirt over her head, hoping to God that Harry didn't hand her a dirty shirt.

It's a bit too long on her torso, and the sleeves bunch up awkwardly, but she can't help but think it looks nice. Especially when Harry reaches over, nimble fingers rolling the sleeves up until they fit nicely.

"Looks good peanut." He says quietly, eyes lingering on the number on her chest. Typically she'd blush or scold him for teasing her, but he's got a glimmer of something innocent in them that just makes her heart swell.

"A little big, but it suits me I guess."

His eyes move up to hers, that pursed smile taking over his face again. "S'not my fault you're the size of a peanut."

She rolls her eyes. "It's not my fault you're the size of a beanstalk."

Harry shrugs as if saying "yeah and?" and y/n doesn't continue their bantering. She's too busy admiring the way they match. Eventually Harry takes her hand again, this time less rushed as he leads her out of the locker room and back towards the tailgate. They don't have much time before Harry has to get back for warm ups, but they manage to find a marker and she happily scribbles a big number 7 on the bottom of the poster. She can't stop reminding herself that out of all the girls, even Tina's group of girls, she's the one that gets to wear his number.

She thinks tonight might be the best night she's ever had, and it only gets better when they run into Harry's friend Niall and his girlfriend Zoe. They all chat for a bit, and Zoe turns out to be really sweet despite her thick eyeliner and intimidating amount of tattoos. She invites y/n to watch the game with her, and Harry smiles encouragingly at her when she falters.

"I'd love to, thanks." She says grateful, clinging to her poster because she's so excited she doesn't know what to do with herself. Harry and Niall leave a little after that, Zoe kissing Niall for good luck and y/n giving Harry an awkward but warm hug.

She starts to feel a little lonely again when she can't find Jess anywhere, and then finally spots her sat higher in the stands with Tina. Zoe must notice her shift in mood, because she bumps her elbow.

"He'd never be able to see your sign up there," Zoe says comfortingly. "so it's a good thing you get to sit here."

She leads her to the very first row of the bleachers, right in front of the cheerleaders and the bench, and y/n realizes the little section is actually roped off. Confused, y/n sits between Zoe and a girl wearing a shirt similar to hers but with Tomlinson written across back.

"It's the VIP," Zoe explains, "it's saved for the players girlfriends."

Y/n can't help but blush, feeling a bit dazed and Zoe pulls her to her feet. The announcer is listing off the starting line up, and her and Zoe holler loudly when Niall is announced. And then Harry's name comes up too, and y/n waves her sign for him, cheering shamelessly. He gives her a tiny wave as he takes the field, and y/n forgets about Jess sitting all those rows above her. And she has a lot of fun. For the first time in a long time, she's undoubtedly happy sitting in the VIP section with Harry's shirt on her shoulders and his name constantly on her mind.

#In the shadows #harry styles #fanfic #fanfiction #harry styles imagine #one direction #harry imagine #harry styles au #frat boy harry styles #soccer Harry #best friend's brother #forbidden love #college Harry #fluff

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brandysawyer · 4 years

Text

Pink Motel

Pairing: Rafe Cameron x Reader

Summary: Rafe and Reader have been together for three years, but their relationship is being jeopardized by Rafe’s new lifestyle. Based off the song Pink Motel by The Glorious Sons. (pre-murder, same Rafe).

Warnings: fighting, swearing, mentions of drugs/alcohol

Notes: this is a great song you should all listen to the whole thing. I’m not a writer and I prob won’t ever write again I just wanted to do this and then dip

Word count: ~1400

*not my gif

—-—

“Rafe...stop-- Rafe!” You yell over the sound of a bottle exploding against the wall of your boyfriend’s room. Rafe’s hands go to his hair, running through it anxiously. His entire body is shaking as he paces back and forth. You try to put your arms around him from behind to calm him down, but he quickly pushes you away and picks up another empty beer bottle. You grab it before he can throw it, and his eyes meet yours.

“Baby, we can leave... we can leave right now.” You spoke urgently, leaning towards him and placing a hand on his cheek. Your thumb strokes his flushed skin, his anger nearly bubbling through his pores. His crazed eyes seems to settle for a second as he processed your words, urging you to say more.

“I got a key to a Pink Motel, you know, the one near the beach? We can go there right now, we don’t have to stay here.” You start to pull on his arm, but he resists.

“I can’t just fucking leave, Y/N! That’s exactly what my dad wants me to do, run away like the failure he thinks I am!” The flame behind his eyes returns as he pulls away from you. “I can fucking fix this, okay? I’ll show him! I just gotta push the last of Barry’s coke and I’m set. I- I’ll pay my dad back, and everything will be fucking fine!” Saliva shoots from his mouth with every word, and he clenches his fist until his knuckles go white.

Tears start forming in your eyes as you watch him spiral. You want to hold him so bad but he keeps backing away from you.

“No, fuck Ward!” You snap at him, making his eyes meet yours and then shift to the door where his dad still sits downstairs.

“Y/N--“ he approaches you with a hand out, warning you to stop. You ignore him and cut him off.

“No, Rafe! I’m so sick of this! Every week it’s something else, some problem that you’ve created for yourself. Every week it’s smashed bottles and drugs and screaming matches with Ward. It has to- to stop...” Your voice hitches and bring your hands to your face to cover up your increasing tears. There used to be a time where the sight of you crying made Rafe melt and wrap around you, but he stands rigid in the corner of the room.

“I don’t know what you want me to say, Y/N. My life is fucked. My dad thinks I’m useless. I’m the only fucking person on this island who doesn’t have their shit together, and everyone knows it.”

“That isn’t true—”

“Yes it is! They all fucking talk about me like I’m the biggest fuck up around. Are you going to turn on me, too, Y/N? You want to criticize me? Get in line.”

His question stings, making you flinch. He looks like a stranger. You begin to see a flicker of what Sarah’s friends must see in him. Pure, unwavering rage. And hate. He wasn’t always like this. He used to be so sweet. Looking into his eyes now, you try to remember. It’s the only thing you can do when he acts like this, the only thing that keeps you around longer. He used take you to down to the beach at night where you could look at the stars. He would hold your hand as you pointed out constellations. Remember, you urge yourself. Neither of you cared about the country club, or what kind of boat he had. Sometimes he would sneak in through your bedroom window and you would both stay up all night kissing and laughing and trying not to get caught. You remember.

“You're measuring us up against everything and everyone around. You’ll never get yourself together if you keep worrying about what your father thinks of you!”

“Stop…” he warns.

“You’re setting yourself up for failure. You’re setting me up for failure. I’m trying so hard to be there for you but I’ll never be enough, Rafe. There's a voice telling you to be perfect and it's bringing us down.”

You’re breathing heavily now, tears flowing down your cheeks. Rafe holds eye contact for a second and then looks away, his anger morphing into anguish.

“Look at me, Rafe.” His face contorts in pain, his eyes are filled with tears like yours. His gaze stays fixated on the floor as he crouches down with his fingers interlaced around the back of his head like a shield. “Rafe...look at me.”

“I can’t.” He whispers, so low you can barely hear him. Your guard drops a little so you get on your knees next to him and place a hand on his shoulder. You lower your voice with his.

“I remember when we never needed anything at all. Do you? It was just about the two of us. None of this other shit.”

His head turns toward you slightly but he still doesn’t look at you.

“Baby, we can leave. We can leave right now. Please.”

He finally meets your gaze. His eyes are full of pain, guilt, and confusion. You search his face for the answer he isn’t giving The past year has been hard on both of you. The constant pressure from Ward broke Rafe a long time ago, and he collapsed under the debilitating scrutiny. He sought out solace in drugs and booze, waving off your every attempt to comfort him. It was driving you apart, and you weren’t sure he loved you anymore.

“Rafe, please,” you begged.

His silence continued for a few seconds longer than what was comfortable. Finally, his face tightened, “I can’t, Y/N. I can’t just leave. It’s not that simple. It’s not up to you.” His voice came out lower than you expected, and it paralyzed you.

“You’re acting just like him!” Rafe stands up, leaving you on the floor, and towers over you. “You think you can just control everything about me! Don’t think you’re hiding it, Y/N, I see how you look at me. You think I’m useless, too.”

You look up at him and his pointer finger that he has extended toward you accusingly. You can feel the tether between you, that was once unbreakable, loosening with every word. He was pulling away. This was his way of protecting himself. Leave before you can be left. Your stomach swells with a mix of sadness and anger. Three years. You’ve been together for three years and now everything you’ve built is being torn down.

You rise to his level, still landing a full head below him. Your face is puffy from crying and you speak softly now, “I can't help if you want more than love. I can't help you if this is not enough. You have to decide what matters more to you. I care about you. I care about you!” You put your finger against his chest, over his heart. “But I can’t keep doing this. I take a beating every time something goes wrong with you. What happened to us?”

His eyes drop again and his hair falls into his face, no longer gelled back. He doesn’t bother to fix it. His arms hang at his sides and he looks defeated. You wait for him to speak but he doesn’t. He can’t.

“Don't wait for me to leave you, baby, to tell me that I'm enough.” It’s both a plea and a warning. You watch his body language, looking for any indication that he cares at all. His silence is heavy, too heavy, and it forces you toward the door.

Tears start welling in your eyes again as he whispers your name, “Y/N, just wait.” You shake your head slowly and pick up your keys off of the nightstand. He takes a step toward you but you put your hand up to stop him. Your face is contorted in anguish and you stare into his eyes. He looks like a child, and you resist the urge to hold him.

“I don't care about anything at all but you,” you say. “If you care about me, you know where to find me.” You toss a pink tag on his bed, and twist the doorknob with your other hand, leaving him with a key to a pink motel.

#outer banks #obx #obx netflix #obx fic #rafe #rafe cameron #rafe obx #rafe x reader #rafe x you #rafe x y/n #ward cameron #outer banks kooks #kooks #obx imagine #outer banks netflix #drew starkey

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ghostofbambifanfiction · 4 years

Note

So motivated by anyone who shares they are working on losing weight. FYI 10kg is nothing to sniff at, esp. if you're not being too restrictive (as a lot of restrictive diets basically make you lose water weight at first, prob not your case). Keep it up!! If you don't mind answering, what are your goals?

I don’t mind, but I’m putting it under a cut because it’s going to be a looooooonnnnng ass ramble and I’m going to include some pics and I’m aware that I’ve already clogged everyone’s timelines with enough pictures today. Before I go off on my tangent, though, I want to make it really clear that I firmly believe that any person can be beautiful and love the way they look at any size. This is something that I am fighting very hard to believe about myself, too, regardless of what weight I am. I am not at all a believer in slimming down for the sake of vanity (despite my negative opinion of my own looks, vanity has never been a big enough motivator for me to lose weight), but this has progressed to the point where vanity isn’t even a consideration anymore.

Okay, so, backstory. When I first moved to England, I weighed 140lbs (63.5kg) and I looked like THIS ↓

Aren’t I BEAUTIFUL? I think so, even if nobody else does, I think so. I think so now. That part matters.

I can distinctly remember that when all three of these photos were taken, you see. I also distinctly remember looking at each one afterwards and thinking, “Fat, repulsive, disgusting.” Fat, repulsive, disgusting. That was my opinion of myself. I repeated those words in my head on a daily basis. I truly believed them. Hence, I’m wearing the same ugly cardigan in two of those pictures, because whenever I wore pretty clothes I felt so undeserving that I was compelled to cover them up with something ugly (the red dress is an anomaly because there was a dress code involved). EVERY TIME. It practically become automatic. “I’ve spent £40 on this dress, so what can I cover it with?” was basically my mantra. It was fine, I thought, because I didn’t care about pretty clothes. Liking pretty clothes was beneath me. This was a lie. I love pretty clothes. I love bright colours. I was drawing pictures of pretty gowns and tiaras from the age of six. But hey, easier to pretend that you don’t give a shit about pretty dresses than admit that you don’t feel worthy of wearing them.

I am seven whole-ass years older now, and I topped out at 283lbs (128kg) on the scales fives weeks ago. That is the heaviest I have ever been. I have doubled my body weight. By medical standards, I am extremely obese, and I’ve had seven whole-ass years to think on how I behaved back then. I’ve thought a lot about how much I hated my body and how undeserving I felt and how I stuffed myself full of junk food and said it didn’t matter because I was repulsive anyway, so why not? I wasn’t being kind to myself. How can I be a kind person if I don’t treat myself kindly? My own self-loathing has cost me my health, because in 2013, I didn’t need to take stomach tablets every day. I wasn’t vomiting a few times a week because of chronic digestive issues. I had regular periods. I lived in Sunderland and would get out of bed on my days off and walk three miles to Seaburn beach, just to hang out with a book and build sandcastles and paddle in the water and thoroughly enjoy my life. I had the ability to do that without wanting to collapse. I had the energy to write for hours on end without getting sleepy after forty minutes. I had lots of energy, lots of it!

I don’t have the luxury of enjoying any of that stuff now. I have lethargy and sluggishness and I get breathless walking up the stairs, and a huge part of that is because I have gained so much weight over the years, and because I have been eating things that specifically exacerbate my digestive issues. And I’m sick of it. My brother’s lottery win has been the most insane blessing to my family in that it is allowing us all to live out our wildest travelling dreams, and I don’t want to be the person who takes an eight hour flight to Paradise, only to sit around and do nothing because she just doesn’t have the strength. There is an eleven-year-old diamond in my life who I would do anything for, and I want more than anything to be able to bring him places and have fun with him and partake, instead of sitting on the sidelines holding coats because I am too fat to ride the rollercoaster (which happened to me, FYI, shout out to Port Aventura for sticking to safety measures, though the woman manning the coaster didn’t have to poke my thigh and say, “fat,” to make her point clear).

The thing is, and maybe this is a tl;dr moment that could have saved me a lot of trouble, but I am unhealthy and I’m tired and this is like...my life. My one life. What am I doing? I owe it to myself to treat my body better.

So these are my aims.

I want to get back to 140lbs. That is a healthy and reasonable weight for my height and body type. I am aware that I will not look the way I did in 2013 because I am seven years older, but I don’t care. I am aware that I will have loose skin and a belly and wobbly thighs when I reach this weight, but I don’t care. I will have energy. I will be healthier. I will be able to bring my stepson to all kinds of places and have the most fun with him.

No fad diets ever. This is all I’ve ever tried before, and the end result has always been the same: lose a bit and put it back on. I am making legitimate and incremental changes to my lifestyle. I am building lasting habits. I will weigh myself once a week to keep track of how I’m doing, but never more than that. I will exercise every day for a small amount of time, but if I miss a day for any reason, I won’t beat myself up about it. I will not skip meals. I will not deprive myself of food.

I am an excellent cook and I love trying new things, so I will be using that skill to find and experiment with new, delicious recipes from all over the world for my family to eat. Once lockdown ends, I’m going to start throwing dinner parties. I think this will really help me to change my attitude towards food and make meals fun for me, rather than a self-inflicted punishment.

No denying myself things. If I want to get a McDonalds I will get a McDonalds because, y’know what? Tomorrow I am going to have lots of veggies and cook myself a good, nutritious dinner, and that McDonalds won’t be anything but a delicious interlude in my week that I am not going to feel bad about.

No hiding myself in drab clothes. I hate wearing brown, grey and black and yet it accounts for most of my wardrobe. Both of those cardigan pics were taken in the middle of summer. I have wasted years of my life sweating it out in long sleeves and leggings so other people wouldn’t see, and for who? For what purpose? I am going to buy all the pretty clothes I like, wear loads of bright colours. Fuck it, it’s just for me.

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punkscowardschampions · 4 years

Text

Jude & Jac

Jude: [post rave] Jude: you can stop your 1 woman campaign now, freshers looks fun, I admit it Jac: That's why they give out free shit and throw these things Jac: convince people like you, good to know you've fallen for it 🎣😏 Jude: I'm convinced enough to crash Trinity's 😜✌ Jude: here on out Jac: good luck, jailbait Jac: the two years you've got left in school show 👶 Jac: you can't even grow unconvincing facial hair like the boys in my year Jude: nah they don't, why ma & da get so stressed every time I leave the house 💋👗👠 Jac: Predators enjoying the fact you think so is another issue entirely Jude: 🙄😏 Jude: can never just have a nice chat with you Jac: What do you need to chat about? Jude: what do YOU need to chat about? Jac: That was an...attempt, I'll give you that Jude: alright, here's the nudge, her name starts with S & last time she was ranked she was at like a 4 Jude: but I'm willing to bump her up in light of recent events Jac: You've reconnected and + 1 up, have you? Jac: That's nice Jude: taking a decent 📷 is good for a few points Jude: probs should lose 'em again when it's dad 👍 but whatever Jac: Very generous Jac: do appreciate you keeping your 👍 to yourself Jac: what do you wanna ask then? Jude: ikr I'm in a generous mood Jude: I'm not forcing you into a q & a Jude: I just think it's good you're mates again Jude: be a bit weird having her there & not Jude: some girl isn't gonna be there 📷 to turn her into a headless 👻 whenever shit gets awkward Jac: That your professional opinion, captain obvious? Jac: well, cheers for your blessing, like Jude: I could tell you were waiting for it so Jac: Clearly Jac: the little you think about has always been my GREATEST concern 😏 Jac: and she'll be up and over the 🌙 at her new score, of course Jude: all I REALLY wanna know is if she has a 🌾🐄 accent now, like? be honest Jude: it's still silver 🥄 yeah? Jac: Err, come on, it was NEVER Southside Jac: and even if it was, that'd count for NOTHING here Jac: so posh some of 'em it's a speech impediment Jude: so you're saying she don't fit right in with the 👸🤴 & qualifies as a bit of rough instead Jude: gutted for her Jude: her ma'd be even more 💔 wonder how she is Jac: That isn't funny, Jude Jude: not about her mum, that was well sad Jude: posh boys not thinking Sav is, is a bit though Jac: Have you ever tried engaging your brain before you speak Jac: not being completely insensitive should not be this hard for you Jude: ?? Jac: Don't ?? at me Jac: you say it's 'well sad' but you're the one that cracked a joke in the first place Jude: I didn't Jude: not about that Jac: I'm not pulling it from nowhere, it's still on my screen Jac: I don't think you realize how badly you come across half the time Jude: I'm sorry, I didn't mean to come across like a massive dickhead Jude: I think Sav's alright, I'm not trying to take the piss out of her Jac: Well it's alright this time 'cos you only said it in front of me Jude: be going a bit far to check in with her Jude: not weird at all Jac: you're saying I SHOULD put it past you? Jac: you are weird Jude: I'm saying I'm not about to say it front of her as I don't talk to her, am I Jac: doesn't mean getting into the habit of saying every 'hilarious' thought that enters your head out loud is a plan Jude: yeah alright Jude: fair enough Jac: Anyway, Sav isn't interested in any boys that look like they came from 🐴s not 🐒s Jude: 🤣 Jude: you wanna be careful saying 👦🏽👦🏾👦🏿 look like 🐒 but I get you Jac: She hasn't got a boyfriend of any colour so I weren't saying that Jude: I didn't reckon so, not unless she got a lad to follow her to uni Jude: but who wants that? Jac: Her ex was holding her back hardcore but he's given that up, thankfully Jude: he sounds like a right laugh & not at all like a prick Jac: That's boys for you Jude: 😜 Jude: when do they grow up? 40s or what? Jac: Have you met our father? Jac: never Jude: oh great Jac: 🤷 Jude: it's alright for you, you can get all the 🤓 lads when you're done studying or whatever Jude: least they'll be smart Jac: smart boys are worse Jac: they want to explain everything to you Jude: really? Jude: fuck that then Jac: dumb but kind are the lofty heights you can shoot for Jude: like a 🐶 Jac: yep Jac: loyalty too, forgo the collar Jude: yeah you're right that is lofty heights Jude: maybe when I'm 40, I can find a lad that don't need one Jude: stop him going over the road & 💔 me Jac: shitting where you eat is gross but convenient, that's boys Jude: 👍 Jude: Jess is so lucky he can pick a lad or a girl Jac: Most people are undesirable Jac: gay lads will only touch him if they think he's straight and that's their type Jac: and girls are a whole different beast altogether Jude: that'll be why he's so 😒 Jac: as a rule or more than usual right now? Jude: we all know why he's 😒 right now Jude: you pissed off somewhere more fun without him Jac: I think he's just fine Jac: and he did it first, every weekend, like Jude: speaking of, his latest gig was not the one Jude: so he's probably 😒 about that Jac: like, he was shit, the crowd weren't the right one or the equipment weren't? Jude: he needs a better 🎸 but that ain't news Jude: seemed like he didn't wanna be there to me Jac: Hm, a fight with one of his girlfriend or boyfriends then Jac: meant to make him better so he's fucked up there Jude: relatable Jac: 🙄 Jac: alright Jude: don't be 🙄 @ me Jude: your dating history ain't spotless Jac: I've never dated anyone so it is Jac: 📑 definition Jude: your hook up history then, you know what I mean cos me either Jac: I don't fall in love with them like an idiot, it's entirely different Jude: I fell in love with the one, who I was dating for a bit Jude: I'm not going about falling for 'em all Jac: Still did, didn't you Jac: I can't even remember any of mine Jac: nothing came into play but proximity and timing Jude: 🏆🥇 if you want Jac: take it over your 💔 obviously Jude: yeah Jac: 🙄 I repeat Jude: whatever Jude: I was stupid, it was ages ago Jac: you brought it up Jude: it was my mistake, I can Jac: not a sounding board for your whining Jude: alright, my bad Jac: used to you Jude: you've got your own room now, get over it, like Jac: unfortunuately, that doesn't stop us sharing a family so I don't think I will, thanks Jac: unfortunuately, that doesn't stop us sharing a family so I don't think I will, thanks Jude: it's a part time one for you now, don't have to see this face til 🎄🎅☃️🎁 Jac: Unfortunately, can stay over Spring though, but there's no catering in the Xmas hol 💔 Jude: 👎 - 1 point to St Andy's Jude: is Sav going to her mum or dad for the hols? Jac: better than home, get all my meals and room cleaned for me every week so Jac: literally only just got here, who's thinking about leaving Jac: some other halls you can stay, so maybe she'll find someone there, so she only has to do actual Xmas day or whatever Jude: me now, maybe I should bother going to uni if they're gonna clean for me Jac: only if you get into a good one Jac: and pay extra, hence most people are self-cater, but what else do I need my grant, loan and scholarship for, may as well Jude: 🤔 I hear you, that's unlikely Jac: you have time Jac: two years can change everything Jude: not my 🧠 it can't Jude: my concentration ain't there unless I'm doing 🎨 Jac: you could try harder, and you know it Jude: at what? Jac: concentrating on enough subjects to get you into a decent Uni Jac: you don't need every one, just enough to boost your points Jude: sounds easy that 😤😏 Jude: if I'm only in it for the 🧹🧺 🧼🧽 & I ain't 🤓 enough for one of 'em, ain't much point Jac: It's not about being nerdy or naturally intelligent, it's about being smart with the system Jude: yeah but it's probably also about going cos you wanna learn stuff & be there not just cos you wanna leave home for a bit Jac: most people never use their degrees, so you tell me Jude: that's true Jude: what subjects then? Jac: Depends what you want to do, Art in some form, assumedly? Jac: Fuck Irish and Spanish and PE, duh, knuckle down with your rest to up your points as much as you can then absolutely ace Art Jude: Alright, I'm decent at PE anyway Jude: that'll be easy points Jac: Exactly, no need to purposely fuck them up, but focus harder on the rest, especially the ones you are less decent at without trying Jude: please tell me you've left your notes here Jac: Of course Jac: under my bed, if you haven't lit it on 🔥 Jude: it's only been a week, gimme chance Jac: well, don't reckon they'll let you get a double yet Jac: I still need a place to crash in the holidays and it certainly won't be beside you snoring your head off Jude: might do if I steer clear of lads for a bit Jude: not that I've done half as much with 'em as everyone reckons I have Jac: People find shit to chat regardless, not worth paying no mind to, no more mind to stupid lads either Jude: I don't care if people don't reckon I'm a virgin still even though I am Jude: it's not like it matters Jac: Yeah, those people will all be irrelevant before you know it Jude: loads of people are well jealous of your uni btw Jude: reckoned you'd wanna hear that Jac: Of course Jac: x2 Jude: 😏 Jac: It's more of a flex than Trinity even, and only a handful of people got in there Jude: when did you work out what you wanted? it feels like you've been going on about it forever Jude: but like actually Jac: 🤔 Jac: I can't remember a point where it wasn't my plan, honestly Jac: more abstract when I was little and didn't have the titles and disciplines to put to it but Jac: I always liked murder mysteries and shit, what makes us tick Jude: right Jude: you love a true crime podcast Jac: 😏 Jac: but I'd rather deal with the living murderers than the corpses of their victims so Jude: well yeah Jude: 🦴🦷 bit gross Jac: 🧠 are much better Jude: long as you're not cutting into it Jac: I won't be Jac: if I'd combined biology, and gone that route Jude: I won't be either, tah Jude: science is proper hard Jac: Psychology has a shit load of it involved anyway, but I can blag it Jude: you're SO excited, I can tell Jude: 🤓💕 Jac: Of course I am Jac: it's everything I've ever wanted Jude: it's weird you're so far away though, it don't feel like you are Jac: Glad my prescence and now abscence had/have such a huge impact on you Jac: we both know why though so Jude: yeah Jac: it's different now Jude: good Jac: alright then Jude: give my love to Savannah, I know she'll have missed me Jude: that's the impact I have Jac: 👌👌 Jude: 😝 Jac: Do you really have a problem with Savannah? Jude: course not, I told you I think she's alright, it's just bants Jude: why does she have a problem with me? Jac: yeah, it's a massive grudge she took all the way to Sligo and back Jac: 🙄 Jude: you know what I mean Jude: has she said that I come across as a massive dickhead too or something? Jude: I don't wanna upset her, like Jac: you haven't come up a load in conversation, like Jac: oddly enough Jac: it's that Jac: she's like my girlfriend alright so you can't be a dick about her anymore, alright Jude: alright then Jac: is that all you're gonna say Jude: I won't take the piss out of her no more, like I said, I didn't mean it anyways Jac: you can react, you know Jac: it's big news on multiple counts Jude: it makes sense Jude: I get it now, why you were like that after she left Jac: Good Jac: I want you to know that Jac: don't change how it was, but still Jude: you could've just told me you rated her 10/10 Jude: is that why she left? like her family always seemed a bit off but I didn't think they were that bad Jac: I couldn't, though Jac: no, her mum wasn't coping Jac: as we all know now, and then the Isabelle stuff went down, so their dad stepped in Jude: yeah, but I mean, that's not part of why she slit her wrists, is it? Cos Sav doesn't need that to carry Jac: it was because the dad left and then took them, to put it as bluntly and without nuance as possible Jac: but that's all on him, not the girls, her mum isn't like blaming them, their relationship is getting better Jude: at least she was alright with you too dating then, nobody needs that dark ages mentality shit Jude: she's got enough going on Jac: well, she doesn't know about that yet Jude: but you were together back then, yeah? Jac: no, it's a new development Jac: as in, like, the other night new, no one really knows, I barely do Jac: things were complicated before Jude: oh okay, soz for backtracking so hard, I just thought Jac: yeah, that was the problem Jac: shit was assumed or it wasn't Jude: what a headfuck Jude: you're okay now though, right? Like the other night went alright Jac: I guess for context, before she left, I did kiss her and it went horribly Jac: I loved her then but she didn't and then she was gone Jac: I see how it sounded like pining there but no Jac: it's good now though, things have changed, we both have Jude: I knew something happened that night when you came back early, you were like a 👻 or like you'd seen one Jac: Yeah, that was what it was Jude: it won't happen again if things are different so Jac: not as bad Jude: I'm glad Jude: that this is the ending you get, cos it's not one, it's more like a beginning or whatever Jude: you don't have to be just excited for uni Jac: I know Jac: not that there's anything wrong with just being excited for Uni, tah very much Jac: whatever happens, I think we'll be able to stay friends this time so Jude: or you'll just marry her & have all the kids she obviously wants Jac: let's not get carried away, shall we Jude: 1. you never said I couldn't have bants with you still Jude: 2. there's nowt I don't know about her life plan, she talks LOADS Jac: You only have a problem with that because you want to be the one talking Jude: course I do Jac: it cannot be overstated how much I'd rather listen to her, is the point ❤ Jude: it'd be a bit rude if you were already like nah tah 🤐 it, babe Jude: probably don't do that Jac: That's your top tip and people really think you're not a virgin? Jac: Interesting Jude: it don't work out well for the lads who TRY it with me 😏 Jude: people reckon I'm not cos I'm that 🥇 yeah Jude: & cos lads have loads to say for themselves, most of which is bollocks Jude: but you're not a sounding board for my whinging, I remember Jac: 'Bants', dear sister, 'bants' Jude: 👍 Jac: anyway, I've got to go Jac: there's this variety show that is apparently hilarious, either actually or in how bad it is so Jude: & I've got loads of 📝📚📖📏📐to do if I'm gonna have my own freshers Jude: top quality entertainment like that, literally how could I not? Jac: sure you'll want to be in it yourself 😏 Jude: you're correct Jude: 👋 then

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thewritingstar · 4 years

Note

Ah well were all at home better ask all 200 questions g, don't really know much about u

200 QUESTIONS???? ALRIGHT HERE YA GO.

hope you enjoy me spending an hour answering all of these :)

200: My crush’s name is: N/A 199: I was born in: 2000 198: I am really: nice 197: My cellphone company is: idk 196: My eye color is: Hazel, can turn dark brown or light green sometimes 195: My shoe size is: 8 194: My ring size is: 7 I think 193: My height is: 5′3 192: I am allergic to: penicillin 191: My 1st car was: Toyota 190: My 1st job was: Baskin Robbins 189: Last book you read: Suicide Notes (highly recommend) 188: My bed is: galaxy bedding and is currently on the floor in my bed fram cause my friends broke it... 187: My pet: Black cockapoo and a white cockapoo named Abby and Molly 186: My best friend: is a hoe 185: My favorite shampoo is: herbal essence color me happy 184: Xbox or ps3: I perfer Wii, Wii U or Nintendo switch 183: Piggy banks are: cute, Mine is a ducktales cup 182: In my pockets: nothing rn 181: On my calendar: nothing rn 180: Marriage is: a good thing but not a necessity for a happy life 179: Spongebob can: get it 178: My mom: is a queen 177: The last three songs I bought were? i only buy cds for my car so: Lover, Hozier, Blink 182 176: Last YouTube video watched: The Office deleted scenes 175: How many cousins do you have? 8 but I only see four of them and two of them are adults with kids so i consider them more of aunt and uncle figures 174: Do you have any siblings? One older sister 173: Are your parents divorced? Nope 172: Are you taller than your mom? Nope 171: Do you play an instrument? Nope 170: What did you do yesterday? Sat on ass and watched youtube

[ I Believe In ] 169: Love at first sight: ye why not 168: Luck: yes 167: Fate: yes 166: Yourself: kinda 165: Aliens: yes 164: Heaven: mmmm yes i guess 163: Hell: yes 162: God: uhhhhh yes and no, kinda indifferent 161: Horoscopes: yep 160: Soul mates: yesss 159: Ghosts: ye 158: Gay Marriage: WHO THE FUCK DOESNT BELIEVE IN THISS?? ITS REAL 157: War: think it does more harm than good 156: Orbs: ye 155: Magic: ye i wanna be a wizard

[ This or That ] 154: Hugs or Kisses: hugs 153: Drunk or High: drunk, i dont do drugs and i dont drink yet but ill prob get drunk 152: Phone or Online: oo i use both but Online i guess 151: Red heads or Black haired: Black hair 150: Blondes or Brunettes: Brunettes 149: Hot or cold: HOT 148: Summer or winter: Summer 147: Autumn or Spring: Both 146: Chocolate or vanilla: Vanilla 145: Night or Day: Day 144: Oranges or Apples: Oranges 143: Curly or Straight hair: I have straight hair but curly hair is also beautiful 142: McDonalds or Burger King: BURGER KING..I HATE MCDONALDS 141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: MILK 140: Mac or PC: Pc 139: Flip flops or high heals:...High heels prob 138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: SWEET AND POOR, IM ALREADY UGLY 137: Coke or Pepsi: NEITHER 136: Hillary or Obama: obama 135: Burried or cremated: cremated 134: Singing or Dancing: love both but maybe dancing rn 133: Coach or Chanel: Coach 132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: idk who they are 131: Small town or Big city: Big city, i grew up in a small town 130: Wal-Mart or Target: TARGET 129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: Adam 128: Manicure or Pedicure: Mani 127: East Coast or West Coast: West Coast 126: Your Birthday or Christmas: Christmas 125: Chocolate or Flowers: Chocolate 124: Disney or Six Flags: DISNEY 123: Yankees or Red Sox: eww sports

[ Here’s What I Think About ] 122: War:....does more harm than good 121: George Bush:....dont know enough to say but im pretty sure he was an awful human 120: Gay Marriage: It should just be called marriage, just because you’re gay doesnt make it any less or any more, its equal to other marriages 119: The presidential election: 118: Abortion: Pro Choice, no one has the right to tell someone what to do with their body 117: MySpace: i never used it cause i was too young but i bet it was lit 116: Reality TV: its funny af 115: Parents: are nice if they care about their child but if they are abusive or horrible then they dont deserve respect 114: Back stabbers: should be stabbed 113: Ebay: its nice 112: Facebook: full of idiots and boomers 111: Work: a scam 110: My Neighbors: they fine 109: Gas Prices: A SCAM 108: Designer Clothes: a nice but really $200 for socks, no mama 107: College: SHOULD BE FREE 106: Sports: fun but no one needs to make that much money for throwing a ball 105: My family: i like them 104: The future: is wild and idk at this point

[ Last time I ] 103: Hugged someone: my mom like a few days ago 102: Last time you ate: at 11 today! 101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: 100: Cried in front of someone: my mom after i yelled at her 99: Went to a movie theater: i saw Onward when we were allowed outside 98: Took a vacation: went to disneyland last October 97: Swam in a pool: like almost two years sadly 96: Changed a diaper: when i was like 8 95: Got my nails done: never got them done because my mom wouldnt take me cause i was a ‘tom boy’ 94: Went to a wedding: never 93: Broke a bone: when i was three, my big toe 92: Got a piercing: my nose in January 91: Broke the law: i guess i sped the other day 90: Texted: literally as im doing this

[ MISC ] 89: Who makes you laugh the most: my friend 88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: the silence of being alone 87: The last movie I saw: Princess and the Frog 86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: Moving for college 85: The thing im not looking forward to: 84: People call me: Deanna (real name), Dean, Star (what yall call me) ton of others 83: The most difficult thing to do is: idk 82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: never 81: My zodiac sign is: Aries 80: The first person i talked to today was: 79: First time you had a crush: Ive had 78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: my best friends 77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: my friends over ft 76: Right now I am talking to: no one 75: What are you going to do when you grow up: hopefully being an animator 74: I have/will get a job: at disney 73: Tomorrow: doing nothing 72: Today: doing nothing 71: Next Summer: hopefully not on quarantine 70: Next Weekend: nothing special 69: I have these pets: 2 doggos 68: The worst sound in the world: ICE SCRAPING OR MOUTH BREATHING 67: The person that makes me cry the most is: 66: People that make you happy: my friends 65: Last time I cried: few days ago 64: My friends are: my world 63: My computer is: a Dell 62: My School: is a community college 61: My Car: it goes 60: I lose all respect for people who: are bigots, dehumanize people, republicans 59: The movie I cried at was: Onward had me sobbing 58: Your hair color is: Brown rn 57: TV shows you watch: theres too many 56: Favorite web site: tumblr or youtube 55: Your dream vacation: every disney park 54: The worst pain I was ever in was: i think when i cut my finger or when i went to the hospital for my chest 53: How do you like your steak cooked: Medium rare 52: My room is: disney themed and my safe zone 51: My favorite celebrity is: Tara Strong 50: Where would you like to be: Disneyland 49: Do you want children: ehh maybe 48: Ever been in love: nope 47: Who’s your best friend: my neighbor that ive known since i was 4 46: More guy friends or girl friends: more girl 45: One thing that makes you feel great is: making cake 44: One person that you wish you could see right now: my cousin 43: Do you have a 5 year plan: not really 42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: ye 41: Have you pre-named your children: kinda 40: Last person I got mad at: my mom 39: I would like to move to: La 38: I wish I was a professional: animator

[ My Favorites ] 37: Candy: Kitkat 36: Vehicle: Cars 35: President: 34: State visited: California, Nevada, Texas, Hawaii, 33: Cellphone provider: 32: Athlete: n/a 31: Actor: Colin O'Donoghue 30: Actress: Lana Parrilla 29: Singer: Joe Jonas, Taylor Swift 28: Band: Big Time Rush 27: Clothing store: Hot topic, Ross, 26: Grocery store: Safeway 25: TV show: Once Upon A Time or PPG 24: Movie: Princess and the Frog and Ratatouille 23: Website: tumblr 22: Animal: elephant 21: Theme park: disneyland 20: Holiday: Halloween 19: Sport to watch: hockey 18: Sport to play:..i do not play 17: Magazine: i dont read mags 16: Book: Kingdom Keepers 15: Day of the week: Friday 14: Beach: one i went to in Hawaii 13: Concert attended: Jonas Brothers 12: Thing to cook: chowmein and strawberry shortcake 11: Food: Chowmein 10: Restaurant: my fav Chinese restaurant 9: Radio station: I don’t listen to the radio 8: Yankee candle scent: Vanilla 7: Perfume: Vanilla 6: Flower: Rose or Larkspur 5: Color: Black or blue 4: Talk show host: umm i dont watch many but i guess Jimmy Fallon 3: Comedian: Jaboukie Young-White or John Mulaney 2: Dog breed: Pomeranian 1: Did you answer all these truthfully? ye

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livelovelaug-h · 5 years

Text

Unplanned consequences

Summary- I can't spoil all of it but it's #9 for miscarriage for my Jack # stories.

Sorry it took me awhile. Probs spelling mistakes. Implied smut some kissing etc. Hahaha enjoy!

Jack x reader

"oh. No no." You had been waiting for a little to see the results.

You had been dating a hunter for about 5 months. things ended about a week ago when you figured he found someone prettier. He'd been hanging around with his girl a lot, so you guess it was just a game to him.

You were pacing back and forth. And now the results were positive. Positive.

positive that your life was going to be turned upside. Positive that the Winchester's would throw you out. You met the Winchester's about 1 year ago on a hunt when you were caught in a trap, good thing they came or you would be Zippo right now.

It was a little weird at first with there mom being back and then her leaving them since you didn't know the whole story at the time. You were there when Jack was born and you've been helping him through. At first you didn't like him much just like Dean but he was so clueless and puppy like that it didnt last long. You guys were pretty close and you had a little bit of feelings for him but you pushed them down since ... You seen him being born not that long ago. He was practically a baby.... But grown.

Jack was very protective of you which you loved and didn't have because your ex the last month before he left wasn't like that. I guess you knew why now. You guys were young though, you knew it wasn't gonna last forever your only 24.

Back to reality you always wanted kids but not when the dad was .... You know. And at this age ? With this life ? Wasn't really a paying job. Guess it's time to leave. After you cry of course. You cried for about 20 mins when you heard a knock on your door. You wiped your face very quickly. "Who is it?"

"it's Jack Sam and Dean said that they found a case and was wondering if you wanted to come."

"um I'm honestly not feeling too well."

"what's wrong maybe I can heal you."

"no it's just a little bug. Thanks anyways."

"no problem. I'll go tell them."

"okay!"

~~~~

You started packing everything in the room they Gave you. You looked around and didn't see anything left behide. Sam and Dean yelled goodbye and 30 mins later you heard Sam and Dean leave. You looked around taking in the image trying not to cry. You closed the door and walked away starting a new life, Sam and Dean wouldn't be able to handle of this and they didnt need a baby in the house to worry about, hearing it cry and keeping them up. Stealing a car you drove as far away as the bunker would take you. You should probs smash your phone so they don't track you. Maybe tell them your on a hunt or something yeah! That could keep you for at least a month.

"Ugh "

After 7 hours of driving you pulled into a hotel to get some shut-eye. You should probably see a doctor. Gotta find an identity to steal since you don't have any insurance. After three days you finally got a text from Dean-

" where are you?"

"I found a case I'll see ya later."

"a case ? Where ? I thought you were sick."

"I got better it's okay."

"y/n? Where's the case? You shouldn't go alone."

"I'm not a hunter is there already."

"then tell me."

"don't worry about it I'll be fine. Your not dad okay? I'll be in touch. Take care :)"

'Somethings not right' Dean thought.

"hey Dean where is y/n?"

"uh, on a case she'll be home soon."

"Oh, alright. Wanna watch a movie?"

~~~~

3 days later

You been updating Dean about the case trying to make up excuses saying you don't see anything and your hitting a dead end. Maybe you'll come home after checking it out one last time.

"are you sure you don't want help?"

"I'm sure, Dean thanks."

"okay, well hurry up so we can do game night!" Hahaha what a dork you laughed.

~~~~~

Day 5

"you some more leads and it's going good should be done by tomorrow.

~~~~

End of Day 6

Finally "got the son of a bitch" and "you'll drive home tomorrow you're tired."

Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if you told them. Maybe they might not want you in the bunker but they would still want to help and see you. You were thinking about telling them so you texted Dean saying you had some good news for him alongside the others.

You started getting a pain a little in your stomach and you decided to finally see a doctor. You fell asleep - waking up to a little lain and some blood? Down there wth? You couldn't have gotten your period. You ran to the bathroom and you felt something plop.

That's not good. You knew what it was. Not that you really wanted a baby but you were kinda excited. Negative. You cried more now about two hours and your phone buzzed. Dean asking if you were on the road yet. you didn't answer. About an hour later Dean texted saying "hello?"

You couldn't move from crying and eventually you couldn't cry anymore so you went out to get some liquor. Two bottles of rum and you were definitely drunk. You cried and screamed and broke things and slept, and cried and repeat.

It had been too long since you answered dean so he went to tell Sam to go track your phone, when he walked in with something.

"What's that?"

"how long has y/n been gone?"

"about 10 days why?" Jack says.

"guys" he turns the thing around. "I don't think she's coming back."

We had narrowed eyes and eyebrows.

"she's pregnant."

"oh"

"ahhh ouchh." Jack listened and heard your SCREAAMING and pain.

"Jack what's wrong?"

"it's y/n, UHHHH..... Shes In pain. She's screaming. .... "I have to go." He said and flapped away.

"Y/n calm down calm down. what happened ?"

You gasped because he startled you.

"Jack not now." You screamed while crying.

"you're hurt. Tell me what's wrong?"

"nothing."

He grabbed you and sat you down so you wouldn't keep throwing things. you cried into him for about 5 mins when he asked you again what happened.

"did someone hurt you?"

"no Jack "

"is it because your pregnant?"

That made you want to cry more. "No."

"I'm sorry did I say something to upset you?"

"no......it's okay. How did you know that?"

"Sam found something and said you were."

"oh. Great okay." He wiped your face. "Please tell me"

"fine. I had miscarriage okay."

"what is that?"

"it's where the baby like... Dies and it wont be born."

"oh. Why not?"

"I don't know Jack, I don't know"

"Well it's okay I'll be here for you every step of the way and like Sam says it'll take time."

"yeah.. yeah thank you." He grabbed your face.

"I love you y/n"

"really?"

"Yes. Almost ever since I laid eyes on you. Your beautiful"

"thank you."

Your faces were so close and you could literally see every pore and every vein in his eyes. But his eyes were beautiful. 3-2-1-.

His lips were on you. You were shocked. They were so soft but ... You weren't expecting that.

You kissed back and he pulled away.

"I'm sorry I'm not good at it."

"no your fine. It's okay "

"maybe it's not the right time."

You laughed "don't worry it's the right time." You pulled him back to your lips and sucked on his lips. This was the only thing that matter at the moment. You ran your hair through his hair and laid him on his back so you were on top. You straddled Him and you guys both explored each other mouths. It was getting so heated to where you guys where dry humping. You ran your hair all over his body and he did the same.

"I like this" he says.

you laughed "I like this too." 😉😉

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blackrupee · 7 years

Note

Wow your life sounds complicated right now I'm sorry for that. So you aren't gonna have any managers what the fuck? And OH MY GOD I hate when people come in to eat so close to close!!!! ( I work @ zaxbys) if someone is acting passive aggressive I would act even more passive aggressive- make that bitch regret it- regarding the 2 guys: 2 guys is better than no guys:))) wish the first one didn't pressure you though. How did the 2nd one hurt you? - and I care so don't worry about boring me

hi hello would you like to read a novel on my life thanks i talk too much (tldrs at end)

nah like.. we had been managing with a general manager and 3 assistant managers even though we really need 4 so as not to overwork anyone. we recently hired a new one from a corporate arbys (we’re franchised) and two just quit. like i mentioned, theyre not coming back even though the original plan was that their new jobs would be only temporary (6 weeks). sooooo now we have a general manager who only works weekday day shifts, one assistant manager who is relatively new (she had been working at this place for a while but was promoted to manager 6ish months ago) and another who is brand new but still has some experience. they said theyre looking to promote from within initially, but they might have to hire outside people if no suitable potential manager is picked. id love to get manager pay and its not like managers do anything hard so id be WILLING to be a manager..like the whole reason why i got trained on backline was because we have such a big turnover rate with backline people since it fucking SUCKS and i was wanting to be helpful and flexible. so like. thats what i offerred. but one assistant manager was like “lmao all youd do is swear at the customers” and im like bitch when have i ever?? i talk shit about them all the time but ive only sworn IN FRONT OF a customer twice and neither time was it directed at them. but i mean im sitting on a small handful of customer complaints so its not like the gm would even consider me probably. idk dude. i can be nice if you pay me to be nice. but i get paid to do food and do it fast……….so

but yeah literallyyyyyyyyy i have no idea how people can be so??? inconsiderate???? and they dont??? care??? im learning that my contant frustration with people in my personal interactions is due to a disconnect between what i value in expectations and what actually happens. like. when i go somewhere i already KNOW what i want, so i say it quickly and competently. i preface a lot of my interactions with people im requesting food or services from with “i’m sorry but…”. i phrase things as “could i get” as opposed to “get me” or “i want” which sound HELLA rude tbh. id always have my money ready at the window or the register, im always trying to pay attention and not miss anything or just….be rude in any way bc i know fast food fucking sucks. i know some of the people i interact with probably hate their job as much as i do and i want to be the smallest burden i can be. and it seems like nearly no one else has these same values???? and i dont understand how people can just??? be? so? inconsiderate?

also yes bitch im the queen of passive aggression. literally the night before i was working a short shift and my friend was closing frontline and this bitch was closing drivethrough. i just got the okay to clock out and i was like “bye! have a beautiful night! just know that i love you so much and ive everything ive ever said has always been fake until this point! never meant anything ive ever said until now especially if your name starts with k or ends with ristin (drivethrough girl/the one whos being so difficult is named kristin) but just know that i love you!” and basically being really dramatic and extra as satire.

i guess for context the whole reason she decided to be mad at me was the other night when she was drunk and was like “do you even likeeeeeee meeee i feel like you hateeeee meeee wahh wahh wahhhh” even though im like…..yes bitch i enjoy your company? i joke/use hyperbole/satire/irony/whatever a lot but like occasionally id be like “ey yo you know its all jokes right u know i love u right” just to ensure that she knows but she fucking. ignores it all. i feel like she so desperately WANTS me to hate her and tbh i got fucking sick and tired of hearing her complain all the time about this shit! i fucking hate repeating myself! so sure. if you want me to hate you so fucking much there. i hate you. i fucking hate you so fucking much. like is that what you want to hear? is that validating? are you fucking happy?

its so fucking frustrating

but i will not be held accountable for her decision to be upset. because thats what it is. she wants to be upset, and she wants me to be responsible for it when its literally not my responsibility. i am absolutely not going to stand for this shit like i kind of want to say its emotional abuse lmaooo but im just so fucking sick of it.

everyone knows that i take chicken tenders and turnovers that would be thrown out at the end of the night and she was closing frontline yesterday and made a point to throw out the turnovers right next to me without asking if i wanted any/leaving any for me. i mean i completely expected her to be that petty of a bitch so it was kind of funny tbhonestly. also im p sure she unfollowed me here lmaoo

with regards to the guys and this paragraph could get a bit tmi/nsfw: yeah the first one kind of sucked but i feel like a little bit of the New Person Nerves have worn down so id do better if we were to hookup again. because like i totally would love to have fucked him but…..anxiety. he was hot tho. like 10/10 body and ass holy shit. plus he complimented me on my ass eating so (assuming that was genuine and not a vapid ego boost haha paranoia am i right) hopefully he comes back for seconds.

second guy ive had a longish history with. started talking to him at the beginning of last fall semester and we hooked up kinda regularly for about a month. things fell apart, we both understood that we wouldn’t be good dating wise but still enjoyed meaningless cuddles. whatever. it got to a point where he would only hit me up like once every month and a half or so and towards like january-ish he hits me up again. so im like nice cool lets chill. im getting ready for this but my phone is in the other room. while im doing this he drove by my place to pick me up (since he was on his way back from nashville), didnt get a response to an “im here” text (bc i was busy and tbh not expecting him to do that), and left. he lives within like walking distance tho so im like “?? sorry i was busy are you still out or should i walk over?“ and he texts me like “sorry hold up a thing just happened” and im like…….okay. so im just.. waiting around for him. periodically texting like “hey are we good for tonight and whats going on?” because like there was some drama with his friend? hes like.. apologizing and shit but this goes on for an hour. BUT. the ENTIRE time he’s dealing with this friend problem or whatever he’s literally on grindr. and at the end of this hour im like in full blown paranoia panic mode and i literally text him something mentioning this and he BLOCKS ME ON GRINDR so im like ??????!!!!??? and i text him (all while saying “not to be crazy or paranoid bc im probably coming off that way but like could i get an answer or something??”) AND HE LITERALLY SAYS HE DELETED HIS GRINDR. but thats a LIE because i have a secondary account to see like……if guys are still on grindr/if a thing with a guy might turn into something more like if i see he’s not on grindr as much?? thats prob incredibly stalkerish and probably really creepy but hey. thats me. so i KNOW he lied to me but i cant really say “hey ur a liar” without disclosing this weird creepy stalker part of me (funnily enough this isnt the first time a guy has lied to me and i caught it with my secondary account! so it proves to have some function use in the end. not totally crazy). so. yeah. that was the incident. after this i dont trust him at all, and i still dont, but i had it in my mind to like somehow get him to fall in love with me just so i could break his heart for doing this? never really worked out. so now im at the point where im like….eh he’s a piece of shit and i hate him but ill cuddle with him bc it feels good

back to nsfw/tmi: the sex was okay. he’s weird about people being near his like….dick and stuff because he was raped and i totally get it bc i was too but he was comfortable enough for me to finger him and my finger still hurts from where he clenched when he came lmaoooooo. was totally hot tho. and i got to east his ass so im like eyyyyyyyy. its been so long since ive eaten ass so having it two consecutive nights in a row has been cathartic.

tldr; we have 2 assisant managers and a gm rn. looking for more

tldr; bitch. same.

tldr; he’s a liar

#also anon ilusm i love the attention and you god bless

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