#mentally ill trans guys for today

[pmpknsoup]

cant sleep

[gothboudreaux]

my pronouns are it/its like how you’d talk about an alien or a hurricane or a really really good pastry or the french language or the sun or a fun night out on the town. you can call my pronouns dehumanizing but i think they’re beautiful and i really don’t want to hear your opinion on it unless it’s a positive one lol if you think otherwise i hope you develop stomach ulcers that never heal

[gender-euphowrya]

thing is it's not really hard to weed transphobes out of your life because they genuinely can't ever shut up about trans people

[gold-snek-hoe]

Hello and welcome to Opinions from an Internet Nobody. Today's essay:

"Ger therapy" is the new "You need Jesus": One Weirdo's Navigation through Cultural Shame

This is a supposedly well-meaning sentiment that is often weaponized against people who are behaving outside of perceived cultural norms. It's a favorite of homophobes who see queerness/transness as a mental illness, but I've been seeing it used to demonize kink (which historically is often linked to queerness), and more generally any "weird" behavior that makes people uncomfortable.

For example, otherkin, systems (especially those with fictives), and people who take fictional characters as partners. Y'know, "weirdos" who "can't separate reality from fiction." And, sure, sometimes there can be a problem with that distinction, but I know as well as you that most internet strangers saying "get therapy" don't actually give a shit about the mental health of those they target. It's code for "your behavior makes me uncomfortable, stop it."

Same sentiment as "you need Jesus."

This has actually taken me a long time to figure out. I've been in therapy for my entire adult life, working through various traumas, severe depression, anxiety, all that. Those were the biggest problems as they negatively impacted, and often endangered, my life. It was only after my hospitalization in 2020, where I was finally put on much needed medication, that I could start to grow into myself.

I changed my name. I top surgery. I came out as polyamorous. I finally got my official autism diagnosis. Now I'm fuckin' married! But... there are still things I'm working through in therapy. Mainly, shame over my "weirder" behaviors. My current therapist has been a huge blessing in helping me accept the things I was too ashamed to admit.

Now, I feel comfortable enough to share.

I'm otherkin. Always have been. My connection to my humanity is tenuous, and I'm sure that's connected to my autism. When mad, I feel phantom horns sprouting from my forehead. I have a tail that swishes back and forth at the base of my spine. In my soul, I am monstrous, and years of therapy has not erased that.

I feel like I'm only half in the physical world most of the time. This doesn't hinder my real-world success (I graduated college Summa Cum Laude, have an IMDB page, and am on my third book), but informs the way I look at the world. There's a whole other universe in my head that hums along with me in my day-to-day. That's part of why I'm so skilled as a writer. To ask me to divorce from that is to tell me to stop existing. Sorry, it's how I've always operated.

Lastly, and this is the one I'm really anxious about, I have a fictional husband. Now, looking at my blog, you might say "yeah, no shit," but I don't just ship myself with him. I mean I practice pop-culture Witchcraft, and the Goblin King is my patron. I mean I have a Labyrinth-themed tarot deck that I talk to him with. I mean I held a ritual to spiritually marry him. Basically, I Snape-wived myself.

And guess what? My therapist isn't concerned. It's not hurting my ability to live my life. I have other interests, hobbies, and goals outside of him, which he actively encourages in all our tarot sessions! I wouldn't be doing this if he didn't support me. My IRL spouse is usually there for whatever magical shit I'm doing, and supports me! Some of my closest friends know, and the only complaint I've gotten is "this guy seems important to you, I wish you told me sooner." Hell, my MOTHER knows and supports me, which is huge, because our relationship was pretty damaged after I came out as trans.

If you have a problem with the way I live my life, when literally nobody else does, take a good long look at why. You don't give a fuck about my mental health. You just don't like that I'm weird.

Tl;dr: My mental health is better than it's ever been since embracing the weird, so leave me and my imaginary husband Marak Sixfinger alone.

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

thoughts on society but not really

[Hi maggots, it's me, your kind of scarred mascot. I already made a post about the carnage that I witnessed in taking even one step into the ofmd fandom, so I won't go there.]

But at this point tumblr is where I go to for comfort and social interaction so here's me making a post before I pass out with the medications. The sore throat is killing me and honestly it's all a bit blurry right now, so things are gonna be not very clarified. Clarity. Idk.

I don't know at what point reality bleeds into fiction, and fiction bleeds into reality. I suspect not a lot of us do. More importantly, I have no idea what the consequences of that overlap are, and the whole artist from art theory. Like, if trans people get joy from the Harry Potter franchise, where JKR is a transphobic piece of shit, should they give up their joy for no fault of theirs or continue to indirectly support her? As a trans guy, I still find comfort in what the fandom created. Why is everything so messy-

Anyway fandoms, they're all so strange, aren't they? Whole communities with defined roles that also evolve and overlap, fade out and emerge. But physically they don't exist. Or do they? Are fandoms the people/the fans, or the source material, or the fanon material, or the canon creators, or the canon cast/crew/publishers? Which fans are representative and which aren't of the fandom as a whole? Is it about numbers or is it weighed against the intended message of the show and its impact and other factors?

Jesus christ my hands hurt I'm so close to passing out hnngh painkillers are wild.

hello maggots if anyone sees this i'd like a hug and some love, please? *holds out arms*

sending you all love. and comfort. it's a fucked up world. i hope i bring you some joy in it. i know for sure that you all do.

i'll hopefully function a bit more if the illness doesnt get worse, so I'll continue with GO/DW then. Maybe OFMD, though I'll have to see how without damaging my mental health severely. i think i used tumblr too much today i made a fake show and an ad for GO and honestly i do not remember what i did. night night.

[deeper-x-deeper]

hey guys um. I don't usually do this kind of thing but I'm in a bit of a bind tonight and need money to get some dinner, and this is my blog with the highest follower count

more details under break for those who want to know more but um. tldr pls help a mentally ill trans guy eat a hot meal tonight, would only need like $20 usd to get delivery from a place that's also open super late https://ko-fi.com/stinkypossum

having a rly bad dissociative episode today and it hit while I was not home and I had intended to buy food but had to just. get home before panic set in. when I got home I realized all I had bought was cereal and I am so hungry and don't have the spoons for the meals I could make at home bc they require too much prep

I'm safe rn tho just. Really Hungry.

[jujuberii]

Ships can’t be proship because the “pro” in the word isn’t short for “problematic”

It’s a fandom stance that signifies whether or not you think it’s fine to call mostly queer people pedos over their fictional interests

oh and I would care and write about Yuri/wlw if it wasn’t infested with feminazis who even call cis women lesbian fetishists and repeat radfem rhetoric

this is nawt being silly with it bro !!!

ok /srs now lmao

1. even if the term proship doesn't originally mean "problematic ship", that's how the term is used today. and either way, it wouldn't change the fact that what people call proships are /problematic ships/.!

2. where the fuck did u pull that from? i am v clearly queer, i am not calling any person a pedo, nor am i doing it bc they are queer. u just assume that bc im against proships, im calling u a pedo? Im. Fucking not? stop generalizing, get a grip

3. no matter what the fanbase is, u should create no matter what. even if ur claim was remotely true, that shouldn't stop u from engaging in an entire /category/ of ship??? wdym by "even cis women". are u its more common for trans/gnc women to fetishize lesbianism? also, what yuri content are u engaging in where its " mostly radfem rhetoric "??? i think u just need to engage in some actually good wlw content my guy.

anyways, get ur ass off tumblr cuz its giving u fucking mental illness! Hope this helps!

- a literal lesbian

[bug-decal-kissing]

Hey friends!

Lights! Camera! Action! by SL_22, was updated today, with 9/? Chapters released! It is Not Rated and Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, with additional tags "Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Deviates From Canon, Homophobia, Falling In Love, Hurt/Comfort, Flashbacks, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Idiots in Love, Humor, all people, overtime, Office, Friends to Enemies, Enemies to Lovers"

You can read it here:

ELLIS IS MY FAVOURITE CHARACTER NOW, SORRY GUYS I'M IN LOVE WITH HER/p/j And now that Scarab's ire was released on her, he can talk to Prismo <3 And someone please let this bug man go home and sleep he's ill :[

NSFW works are below the cut :].

Breaking Routine, by ineedlemonade, was updated today, with 2/6 Chapters released! It has a rating of Mature and Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, with additional tags "Existential Angst, Suicidal Thoughts, Angst, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Attempt at Humor, Not Beta Read, Sequel, Mental Health Issues, Violent Thoughts, Developing Relationship, Complicated Relationships, Exactly What It Says on the Tin, Introspection, Forced Proximity, Unreliable Narrator, Slow Burn, 100 Years Off Screen + Additional Simmering, Trans Male Character"

You can read it here:

Prismo knows exactly what he's doing with the character creation programme, and it's making me go teehee >:] They're both so dumb in their own ways <3/silly Scarab's only reprieve is taking care of Old Man Prismo and even then it's short-lived </3 sorry bug boy, better get used to it/j

[farharbour]

soooo as i suspected i was too busy to do anything fun for my babygirl (jesse) for his birthday (TODAY!!!) and i won't have any time today to do much either since it's cookie baking day BUT i still wanted to share some fun character progress & development stuff w/ him from the last 5-ish years 💞

my first ever art of him (2018) -> baby's first cingefail re-design (2019) -> another re-design, pretty close to what i settled on (2022) -> another re-design (mid-2023) -> the same thing only without the scar because i didn't like it & the one i'm sticking with because i love it and i love him (late 2023)

he was originally named james and was my self-insert cis-sona LOL and i already made a post recently about how developing him helped me not be so scared and come into my identity as a trans man (and i made jess trans later on too as a radical act of self-love or whatever) so i won't go into that again. he is my favouritest guy ever truly

i changed his name in 2019 and was workshopping his design until this year actually, i was never really happy with how he looked until recently. i'd never say he's truly a self-insert these days even though i joke about it still hehe.. he's his own guy now but i still like to put a lot of myself in him for old times' sake (my mental illness, love of cooking, etc.). i took a little inspiration for his personality from some of my favourite books; 'white noise' in particular helped me develop this idea of how powerful a narrative it could be for him to have this almost obsessive preoccupation with death.

i want to talk a little bit about 2022 jesse too because he is so very special to me but it's less relevant to who he is as a fallout character. i wanted a death stranding oc and just decided to slot him into that uni too NGJGHFDFG i'll put this bit under a cut since i'm sure not a lot of you are particularly interested in that.

anywayyy thanks for letting me share my guy with you all and thanks for appreciating him <3 and if you don't idk why you read this post but that's fine too i guess 🐜🎒

ok SO his 2022 re-design came from adapting him into the ds universe and even tho this is under a cut it's still SO self-indulgent so i won't get too deep into it. he was like. "evil" i guess? he was with the demens and i paired him off with higgs (they met when they were teens after jess accidentally killed his brother and ran off from his family's preper shelter) but he was still not really into the killing and the terrorism stuff. but. when you love someone and it's toxic yaoi sometimes you overlook things like murder y'know

he and higgs were linked by a set of chiral rings that higgs made for him. they gave him a sort of healing ability that basically boiled down to him shaving time off of his own life to give to someone else in the form of healing wounds, restoring blood, etc. and that transfer was done thru chiralium. or something. i never really gave that bit too much thought LOL what was most important to me was that he died mid-way through the story of the game and he never crossed the seam because higgs, in some desperate attempt to control death, crudely mummified his body with tar so his body never decomposed or became a bt. so he was kind of. stranded (heh). on the beach. and the pair of them link up again after higgs gets exiled.

maybe i'll share a bit more of this when ds2 comes out and i get to think about him & that world some more but for now that's it ok cool

[bumble-punch]

So let me tell you guys about today

A few days ago I got a diary to help with my stupid mental health

And being able to articulate my thoughts really helps me to notice unhealthy thought patterns and be able to manage them

So today I woke up and realised that I hate how I look and I hate how I dress and I'm sick of cutting my own hair and I'm sick of dressing like a knockoff stereotype of a trans guy rather than the egirl/femboy I know I am in my heart

So I went into town and spent ~£60 on thigh-highs and chokers and tights and pride merch, and then I got home and I just had a major mentally ill moment and spent ~£200 on boots and now I'm sitting here in a pink miniskirt and my star wars t-shirt and a pink choker and oh god I feel better but oh god my money I don't know if this is me giving myself a healthy treat to make up for a year of hating myself or if I'm actually going nuts rn h e l p

[mothcabinet]

OKAY HEAR ME OUT

Listen

Ghost headcannons (sfw) but their extremely specific (and I’m mentally ill and now I’m somehow emotionally attached to this man; also he’s babygirl 🫶)

- this mf is like that grandpa at thanksgiving who was in the army and is in denial that he’s gay. Like he will causally say “oh yeah I’ve fucked a man” and carry on like that’s completely normal

- HES A REALLY GOOD DAD!!! idk how to explain it. I just KNOW deep deep DEEP down he has a soft spot. He is absolute dogshit at showing affection but he’s trying his best. Like if he sees his kid eyeing a stuffed animal or something like that, he will immediately grab it and buy it for them. Or would probably take his kid and teach them how to shoot

- He eats beans on toast and thinks it TOP TEIR food. (He’s british 😔☹️)

- Shows affectionate by being mean

- OR if he cares about you he’ll like teach you how to protect yourself (idk I’m spitballing ideas rn)

- HES TRANS IDC WHAT ANYONE SAYS. 🏳️‍⚧️🫶

- THATS ALL I HAVE THIS IS CRINGE I KNOW BUT HES SO BBG LKSJDJSJDJJD. I forgot to take my normal pills today. I’m just a silly lil guy. -

- if the dude bros find this post SOMEHOW I will piss myself from laughing -

[skadream]

happy ummm 8th month on t? (9th if i were actually on t continuously but i ran out for a month that one time) i used to do monthly t updates on tiktok but i dont rlly feel like doing that rn so i'll yap about it here (its actually wild how little stuff i have about my transition on my tumblr generally speaking? as if this isnt the website that transed my gender in the first place)

it really is hard to notice such gradual changes from month to month, especially if its just me lookin at myself, compared to seeing a doctor in person which, i am getting rx'd T thru telehealth currently as my nearest planned parenthood or even a neighboring one does not actually do gender affirming care which is. insane and whack. esp when i do live in a pretty populated county maybe second or third to nyc and albany area. and i have to call in to a pp THREE HOURS BY TRANSIT from me. but like, its been working for now ok!

mentally and emotionally ive been very up and down overall but i think thats largely due to my medication changes rather than hormones. ALTHOUGH. when i ran out for a month in november and my period came back... dude it was so horrible like genuinely the worst period of my life. its one of those things where i didnt realize just how dysphoric something could make me feel until i had a taste of being able to alleviate said dysphoria. so mentally speaking testosterone is probably pulling the mental train even more than the wellbutrin lol. and im trying not to account too much for circumstance/environment cuz like OBVIOUSLY if things were going smoothly for me there a lot of my emotional issues would be at least somewhat relieved, but im working with what i got.

physically, since starting t in july i have lost weight. at first i was very scared it was my medication, and i think a part of it was at least a little, like two of my meds can cause some weight loss, but i am no longer losing weight in a concerning way but just yknow the regular amount of daily fluctuation. so i do think a lot of my weight loss was due to hormones just shifting around my fat and all that, or something idk lol. everyones so diff with hormones, i know some trans guys gain weight on t and not necessarily from muscle training, i know girls on e who have lost weight without any changes to diet or exercise, it really depends so as always, this is just my experience etc etc

i do have more facial hair but its still quite patchy, i think i might start filling in my stache tho. with my shitty goatee, its not my fav so i shave it off when im not just sitting inside all day, but also idk it makes my chin feel less. round. or smth. i do always think of my one friend telling me ill look like the lead singer of a nü metal band and honestly maybe i should start giving that energy more anyway! embrace goatee lifestyle!

oh yeah my voice dropped in like the first two months and has gotten deeper since, and on timtom i talked a lot about wanting to maintain the vocal range i had pre-t? i dont think thats fully possible like i think the highest notes i used to reach are just inaccessible to me, but i think if i did some like vocal singing warmups i can get back up to reach those higher notes. in retrospect the way ive sung my whole life has actually prob been destructive on my voice, partly from lack of proper training and partly intentionally trying to sound deeper and more gravelly, but now that i can access deeper sounds more naturally i really do wanna work on singing in a better way where i can reach some of those notes.

overall yea im liking whats happening so far, i do wish it was happening faster but i understand that some people dont get the progress ive gotten for like, YEARS, and new progressions will be happening to me for years after today. if you think about "real" puberty, it is a gradual shift its not like you suddenly grow a chest as soon as you Bleed or whatever its different for literally every person and since im the only one in my family that i know of who has done this, im kind of a guinea pig. but like im okay with that! anyway yeah really recommrnd testosterone if u want it i like it :)

[definitelynotnia]

sorry i have to rant or i will cry i hate when im so angry that the anger comes out as tears

tw: random guy being a general asshole abt lgbtq and trans ppl so if you dont wanna deal with that today, cz ik there's already enough hate literally everywhere online, then please save yourself from this burden and move along, i hope u have a nice day bcz if i cant then someone should

i just spent my whole afternoon arguing with this guy- it was such a waste of my time i haven't slept properly last night and i wanted to take a nap but my nap time is GONE i hate this i told him im done with this conversation and that i dont give a shit about him enough to want to educate him on things and have him change his opinion i TOLD HIM IM DONE i told him that he can keep his opinion shoved up his ass and as long as he doesn't bully people i dont give a shit i was READY TO GO TAKE MY NAP but nooo this bitch is like "just say you've run out of valid points" like BITCH NO.

i can't have valid points to counter you with because all the points ur giving me are utter bullshit like how the fuck am i supposed to reply to "ppl assigned male at birth wearing skirts and make up is worse than war" like WHAT???? DO YOU HEAR YOURSELF??? ARE YOU INSANE? what the fuck am i supposed to respond to that with? except that trans people aren't hurting anyone and war is, and he's like "at least war can be contained, these people are spoiling the mentality of the youth" like YOU ARE THE SPOILED YOUTH not the other way around, im like listen if you were really pressed about children and how trans inclusivity impacts children then you would have at least read more about that but if your first point is only "they're doing surgery on children" then clearly you have not even done as much as a simple google search so we both know that you just heard that in some random reel and went with it and you dont give two shits about the supposed 'children being made to undergo surgery', which they're not, and all you actually care about is looking cool and edgy by hating on the lgbtq community because thats whats in trend right now in india. he's like these people are too privileged why cant they just shut up and enjoy life they are rich like first of all rich people can have problems too??? also being able to afford therapy and gender affirming care does not equal to rich thats like saying if someone in ur family has any chronic illness ur automatically rich like ??? also poor people are trans too? and im so sick of these ppl thinking being trans is just an american thing or a first world problem like brother no? you are literally living in india trans people are mentioned in the FUCKING SCRIPTURES are u KIDDING ME? being trans is not a new sudden occurence its been there for longer than you have. like literally after 2 hours of conversation the only points he could think of to hate on lgbtq for no reason is

they are rich and privileged so they shouldnt have problems

if they have a problem with their gender they should keep it to themself and not fight it (??????)

they are running from their problems (they are literally solving the problem thats the part which everyone is mad abt its when trans people try to solve the problem by being okay with expressing themselves freely and to counter i said that even alcoholics are running from their problems ive never seen any of u andrew tate cocksuckers ever make a "joke" bullying alcoholics he's like thats different like literally all his "points" are him just saying whatever and then if u try to explain it with logic he'll be like no but thats ok bcz i said so and this is wrong bcz i said so like fuck you dude)

they shouldnt have rallies and stuff because there's more important things like war that the government should focus on (he was the one who said "war is a beacon of peace there cannot be peace without war" when i had first mentioned that its ironic that out of all the bad things happening in the world rn LIKE war the biggest thing he's worried about is a "man" wearing a skirt but ok sure now all of a sudden war is a big boo boo and we should all be focusing on that, so basically when he wants to hate on ppl war is irrelevant but when a marginalised group wants to fight for their rights that time war is the most important point and no one elses suffering is valid bcz there is war)

it is spoiling today's youth (im not even gonna talk about this because i do not see how people living their lives and just existing is considered "spoiled" and "corrupt" but people regularly hating on, bullying and degrading a whole ass community just because they are uneducated swines lacking critical thinking skills and a spine that saw some 'famous' youtuber or influencer or wtv or maybe a reel with 'dark humor' dissing on lgbtq and pronouns and 'blue haired girls' and now they thing they're oh so cool and edgy and dIfFeReNt and "not like those woke snowflakes" just cz they degrade and bully a whole community of people every chance they get)

im so done im SO DONE with this bullshit its EVERYWHERE its a trend now to be hateful and mean and an asshole to anyone who isnt "normal" according to heteronormative standards. i understand not having an opinion, to some extent ok i get it you're young you don't need to be involved in this yet but no, they want to have an opinion but they will do no research they physically shudder at the thought of reading a book and god forbid they actually google up a trustworthy article to confirm some of the bullshit they believe they will do none of this but they will scream and shout about how lgbtq is the problem and magically that is the only "social issue" they care about and they care soo vehemently apparently that they have to post about it and make dArK jOkEs about it and use slurs and degrade them every chance they get because THEY are harmful yes sure you who are actively spreading hate are the angelic saviours of society and a community of people JUST EXISTING are the ones that are harmful, right.

[spacefacedtragedy]

After reading the reforms on abolitionanddisabilityjustice.com I'd like to share a story!

Please please heed these trigger warnings because this rant will not be very filtered.

>!severe depression!<

>!Homelessness!<

>!Mental illness!<

>!unsupportive family!<

>!heavy SH!<

>!drug use!<

When I turned 19 I had just transitioned out of longer term residential care due to a break down I will talk about at a different time. Alot of my life at this point was filled with regrets, my family completely unsupportive to my transition left me solely reliant on myself in the southern California housing market. I had managed to get into a halfway house that was suppose to help me keep my head up while I worked on something more permanent, but being the young trans guy in a really shitty cramped area had severe affects.

Those that respected my choices were known, and those that didn't made it clear I needed to go. By the second month, I was already back to my harming ways. Nothing deep at this point, but still enough that I couldn't handle it. My mom kept telling me about how great life is without me, and my older sister relished in my horrible state. Both her words and my sisters smile swim in my head today.

A couple days before my birthday I had a routine inspection/drug test to be able to live where I did. Although I was a trustworthy person and hadn't even tried weed at this point, they still watched me go. I had cuts on my upper thighs, light but often enough that the faucility immediately terminated my lease and took my rent money away. I was told to evict off the property by the end of the day, and spend the beginning of it calling everywhere looking for a place. My treatment center I had just graduated from refused reentry without hospitalization, and I didn't want to go back into one of those again.

I took off and eventually holed up in a hostel around the area so I wasn't suffering, but was back to a single suitcase with everything I owned. My cutting from then got immediately worse, to the point of needing stitches but I was being left to suffer, even going to therapy weekly, being on meds, I still was homeless, working two jobs to just keep a shelter roof over my head, and fell down a path of peddling. I had to crawl my way out of that hole with the aid of my boyfriend. I was dead inside and out, and without family willing to help..

This could have been avoided if the treatment center would of taken me back, like they're commitment was suppose to be. It would of been better if more homeless mental health clinics existed or we had better support for crisis situations.

This wouldn't of been so horrible if the halfway house didn't kick me out, and had chosen to help like marketed. You don't respond to a problem by making more. People with chronic mental health, even self sabotaging ones, can repair themselves and find a reason to live. They may be the intern, the barista, the car valet, but they're out there. When society resigns someone to the pits it destroys spirits and corrupts lives. Do not let it keep happening.

Some blogs to check:

Thinkingautismguide.com/2016/07/blackdisabledlivesmatter-vs.html

bgdblog.org/2013/07/2013729disease-is-not-a-metaphor/

[mosraev]

Lyrics through the decade 3/10

I've decided to collect all the songs I've made through the last decade and share my favourite snippets with you guys. The pictures for the backgrounds will (as much as possible) be pictures I've taken the same year as the lyrics were written. The full lyrics may or may not be made official someday.

Part 3; 2015

Being the first full year I had been writing songs and the year I took one semester on what I now call my summer camp, this was a very productive year for songs. Well, it was a productive year for lyrics, I actually did only finish half of the songs I started. My lyrics became a little less angry overall and focused more on storytelling.

More info under the line

Stay creative, my fellow foxes 🦊💚

Song 1 (pic1); Pyriphlegeton.

A song named after the greek myth of the flood of fire in the underworld keeping the tormented standing so they can endure more pain, this is a song where I've taken the perspective of a woman with an undefined mental illness. Some lines however can be read through a trans lens. Fun fact: I rapped the verses on this. No I am not kidding (also I am not a rapper)

Featured lyrics:

Heartache! Her ribcage's a cage of a prison.

She's searching so hard for the brick life's missing.

Honorable mention;

She blames herself for going insane.

When all that she need is a shoulder to cry on,

Instead she chokes on water from Pyriphlegethon.

Song 2 (pic2); Icebirds

This is a fun one in that I made it as a sort of theme song for a novel length story I was writing about a boy that lived in a world where people got their mind wiped in they stepped out of line (or what he later learn is actually a brainfog repressing your memories and identity). So while the lyrics could be taken as a queer metaphor in context it is more litteral. I didn't finish either the story or the song however.

Featured lyric:

Out of the fog, clear reality to face.

How much of myself have ignorance erased?

Song 3 (pic3); Tidal Wave/Party Wave

One of the few times that I tried to write a party song. This was strange since I wrote as a typical Dane that drinks and loves parties (which I don't) but I do love this line a lot

Featured lyric:

The floor's alive with every beat.

We're the beating heart's arteries.

Song 4 (pic4); the Rabbit and the Turtle

One of the few songs with no real perspective character, instead it is about the passing of time and the ambivalent feeling I have about time in general.

Featured lyric:

today's struggles are in tomorrow's past.

Song 5 (pic5); Shout Out

A song I wrote as a tribute to the friends I've gotten in the three years of highschool (although some of the experiences mentioned go back to middleschool). One of the earlier examples of me using my own experiences in a song.

Featured lyric:

Where everyday it's a chapter, at dawn begins a new [chapter].

Song 6 (pic6); Fair Little Muse

In this song I take the perspective of a lover feeling something is wrong with their partner but not knowing what or how to communicate their worry. It is very flowery/artsy which is fitting since the muse part is inspired by the muses of greek mythology.

Featured lyric:

((Extended)) Your thoughts are roses, wild in bloom.

Are they midnight black or are they twilight blue?

While roses they wither, evergreen remains.

And snowdrops bear promises of better days.

Song 7 (pic7); Mirror on the Wall v. 2

This is a special case since it is a song that actually have two versions; one was very personal and read like a diary (version 1) and then there's one taking the perspective of a girl and a boy both having body image issues thereby depersonalising the story (version 2). And yet this line is so raw and trans coded that I cannot help but love it. I never finished this song.

Featured lyric:

Mirror on the wall, hear it smash against the floor.

I feel so wasted [and] lost in my own skin.

((Extended)) [in] this body I'm living in.

Song 8 (pic8); Mixtape

I had an idea of writing a song about two people sharing memories through their dedication to music (possibly because I was at a music camp around this time). I never finished the song but I like this first part.

Featured lyric:

I’ve made you a mixtape to soundtrack your wasted youth.

All your favorite songs are on it 'cause they’re mine too.

[wutdeedido]

So,I went searching my blåhaj to the IKEA counter today and there’s this guy that handed it to me and said "There’s another batch coming. People seem to like these for some reason". And I thought "If only he knew..."

I vote we do a blåhaj revolution ! >:D

Btw,my blåjah’s named Kevin. He’s trans and has 94 mental illnesses. Here’s some pics of him and my cat: