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numinously-yours · 5 months

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Pick a flower: For your May

Happy May everyone! I hope it is warm and sunshiney where you are. Wisconsin is a beautiful 63 and sunny!

As I like to do with a new months, we're looking at three questions:

What do you need to leave behind in April?

What obstacles might May bring?

What can you bring with you into May?

Then I have a theme/word corresponding to your month.

Pick a flower from above and find your group below

Group 1: Nurturing Practicality (Queen of Pentacles)

What do you need to leave in April? Three of Wands rev.

Leave behind your comfort zone. You played it safe in April, thinking you didn’t have what it takes to accomplish your goals/dreams. There could have some some delays that occurred and maybe those seemed like “a sign” to not go for it. Signs can be confusing! But this is a new sign to let you know to keep going when you know it’s what you want.

What obstacles might May bring? Knight of Cups rev.

With that in mind, you may find yourself overdoing it in May. Find a balance for yourself. What pushes you juuust enough out of your comfort zone without it being a complete 180? Or, before you act, create a vision for yourself on how you want it to play out. Perhaps start with writing & drawing your biggest hopes out of the situation. Then look at it objectively and see what is realistic. Maybe you can’t spend thousands of dollars to fly to Paris and explore fashion. But, can you go to boutiques in your hometown and see what beautiful items are right in your back yard? Inspiration can be found in a lot of places.

What can you bring into May? Queen of Swords & Nine of Wands

As you enter May, enter with courage and unbiased judgement. These cards (all of them!) are screaming “TRUST YOUR ABILITIES!” I know that you’re scared, but you really can do it. There are things about yourself that you haven’t even discovered yet. Having the courage to pursue the scary things is going to be so worth it. If there is anyone in your life who is making you feel badly about the decisions you’re making, this is your sign that setting boundaries with them is GOOD. Even if they are someone you love and appreciate, you are allowed to set boundaries. (Boundaries also take courage and are a form of self-love).

Group 2: Possibilities (Page of Cups)

What do you need to leave in April? Three of Swords

I have this feeling of overwhelming sadness and disappointment. You’re grieving something. I am not going to tell you to stop grieving, because grief is a process, but what I do think you should try to leave behind is the idea that it never gets better. It is hard to believe, I know, but it DOES. Each day it will hurt just a little bit less, even if you don’t feel it at the time. You may still think about this situation daily – I’ve thought about my grandma every single day for the last 8 years since she passed. But now it comes more often with smiles than with tears. I just say that so you know you’re not alone with grief regardless of if it's the loss of a person, a job, or anything else that was important to you. I just wanna give you a hug 🤍

What obstacles might May bring? The Magician rev. & The Queen of Pentacles

There may be a motherly figure in your life this month who tries to keep you down. They may also be grieving this same situation and think that you “moving on” is you not caring anymore. But, that’s not the case. Taking care of yourself and moving forward doesn’t mean you don’t care. Two things can be true at once: you can continue grieving AND work on healing. It is likely this person doesn’t have the tools to do their own healing so they want others to wallow with them. It is not your responsibility to take care of this person’s feelings, no matter how much they mean to you. You can grieve with them, certainly, but you are allowed to have a boundary that says, “I need to step away from this so I can keep myself healthy.” (ps, this queen of pentacles REALLY wanted to come out. It showed itself to me like three times while shuffling and then it finally came out. Group 1 might have some messages for you, too!)

What can you bring into May? The Chariot & Four of Cups rev.

Okay, I’m copying the text right from Biddy Tarot because it is PERFECT. From the Chariot:

“Others may try to block you, distract you, or drag down the pursuit of your goal. But The Chariot is an invitation to draw upon your willpower and home in on what’s essential to you, so you can push past the obstacles in your way.”

I don’t know how this CAN’T be about the obstacles above. As you move into the new month, bring with you introspection and self-care. Know that it is okay to say “no” when you know you don’t have the energy to participate (in a heavy conversation, in an outing, in someone coming over). Exhausting yourself for the sake of others is only going to take away from the healing. Find the things that ground you, do some meditation, and just “be”.

Group 3: Self-prioritization (Seven of Swords)

What do you need to leave in April? The Hierophant rev.

Take the need for external validation and chuck it! You don’t need that moving forward. You know what your values are. You know what motivates you. And you know that it’s not in the majority. In the past, this has prevented you from taking action or doing what you felt was best. You didn’t want to stir the pot and that makes sense. But, it’s time to give yourself permission to trust your gut and do what is best for yourself.

What obstacles might May bring? The Chariot & The High Priestess

The biggest obstacle in the upcoming month is your subconscious. Going against the grain IS scary and your subconscious will probably try to save you from the discomfort of it. But you have the strength, willpower, and determination to power through. People may try to convince you to stick to the status quo and, yeah, it would be easy to just do it. But, is that what you actually want? Fighting toward what you DO want is going to bring you out stronger on the other end.

What can you bring into May? Five of Wands

An open mind. Something this card suggests is having discussions about the conflict that may ensue from you following your own path. People may try to manipulate you into staying the same or tell you that you’re a bad person because you’re going your own way. But, this is coming from a place that’s important to them. Can you discuss why they feel that way? What is their end goal and how can your new path still lead you to the goal? Just because you aren’t doing life the same way, doesn’t mean that you both can’t be successful. Remember: having an open mind doesn’t mean changing minds. If they’re still frustrated that you’re not coming back around, but you’ve had a discussion, they need to work through the frustration. You did your due diligence.

Group 4: Open mindedness (King of Swords)

What do you need to leave in April? Ace of Cups

The ace of cups usually indicates love – receiving it, giving it, being it. As I think about what this could mean in terms of leaving something behind, I think it might be the hesitancy to open up to love. You are full of love, and I think you know this, but you might be protective of it. It’s okay to take down your shield in order to let the love move onto others and to let it flow to you.

What obstacles might May bring? Seven of Cups

I don’t know if this is necessarily related to the above, but an obstacle you might face in May is the lack of gumption behind ideas. You have a lot of ideas in your head on what you want to do, who you want to be, how you want to interactive with others, and where you want to go. But, you come up with so MANY ideas that then you find it hard to execute them. Take time to analyze your ideas and see what is realistic. Think about ways to prioritize all your ideas. What is most important to you? What has the most impact? Can you actually do them all?

What can you bring into May? Knight of Wands rev.

This card really reiterates the obstacles and how to overcome them. In reverse, the knight of wands acknowledges all of your creative energy. It’s this energy that gets you excited and inspires all of these ideas in your head. But, the card also acknowledges the need to slow down. Remind yourself that you don’t have to do everything all at once. If you are struggling to prioritize, try to think of alternative methods of achieving your goals. Maybe there are baby steps you can take toward each so you feel like you are accomplishing them all. It might go slower, but could help you feel less overwhelmed. Lastly, keep an open mind. There will be things that happen which are out of your control. Take a beat, readjust your expectations, and get back at it.

#tarot reading #free reading #your month #may tarot reading #queen of pentacles #knight of cups #queen of swords #nine of wands #three of swords #page of cups #the magician #the chariot #four of cups #seven of swords #the hierophant #the high priestess #five of wands

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httpiastri · 2 months

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TUMBLR PLS LET THIS PUSH THROUGHHHHH

pt 1

based on pepe's off the track ig stories he travels and takes a lot of aesthetic pics hence..... 🍯

whenever it's off season or summer break, you take a leave and travel around pepe to unwind yourselves. pepe with travelling as his second nature, plans out the itinerary, having a balance of relaxation and thrills that you might hate him for later on (a kiss would solved that anyways)

pepe is always the adventurous one when it comes to travelling, he'd never force you if you don't want to, but he highly encourages you to step out of your comfort zone to try out some of their cuisines, picking ones from the menu that he thinks suits your palate, or to go try activities like scuba diving or hiking to make your trip worth it.

but pepe doesn't always push you to your limits, he'd be down to anything that you want to do. he'd take your pictures, helping you pose and capturing you in your best angles, hyping you up while doing so since you tend to get shy especially when you are taking pictures in a crowded area.

he'd also be down to your pub hopping around the town. getting different drinks since you want to try all of them (even though you'd switch with pepe at the end since you always choose the hard drinks at first) and you'd talk about what's ahead of both of your careers, and as time goes by, gets into more serious ones like settling down together and starting out a family.

at the end of the day, you'd be so tired with the shenanigans pepe put you through that you'd be magnetized to the bed. pepe would helo you with your clothes and remove your makeup before the both of you ending up in a spooning position, reminding you how he's lucky to have a partner and travel buddy like you for a lifetime, and in the end, promising you that in every universe the both of you are in, he would travel the world just to find you again and again.

pt 2

OMG OMG IT POPPED UP IN MY HEAD 🍯 MOREOVER pepe knows you're a fashionista at heart whenever you travel and he always tries to match up with your outfits, he even asks you beforehand what would you wear so he can pack up clothes that would pair with them. he also has things prepared in his backpack just it case the fashionista in you won't last a day: a bandaid for your blisters, a pair of sandals when your feet decides to give up, an extra hair tie when the wind is too much for your laid down hair to handle, and a cardigan if it gets too cold or something spilled on you. when you are almost at your hotel and your feet decided to kill themself, he won't hesitate to carry you bridal style to your bed.

is it a lot to carry all of those in his backpack, and even more when your weight is added when needed? definitely, but he thinks it is all worth it just to hear your sigh of relief when he brings it out of his backpack or when he's carrying you, pecking his cheeks, because you as well, is lucky to have a attentive travel buddy and partner like, and you promise as well to meet him halfway when he comes to find you in every universe.

(im answering this ask instead of the separate ones, hope that's okay 🥰)

i'm about 100 years late and im SO SORRYYYY!!! but omg you really cooked with this 😭

gosh i think traveling with him would be so so cozy :(( he would definitely be up for planning and taking care of stuff, but also involving you a lot? but just making sure everything is as comfortable as possible for you because he knows how important it is for you to just relax during your break (bcs school/work is so exhausting & you deserve time to recover)

but yes, he definitely tries to push you out of your comfort zone, but little by little !!!! you mentioning cuisine made me tear up a little ngl because i'm super sensitive when it comes to food and just... this made me think of other traveling/food thoughts i have had about pepe... like the fact that if he orders new stuff for you from the menu, and you end up not liking it, he definitely offers to swap your meals and eats it for you (so you don't feel embarrassed about not finishing your food)... or if he tastes something new that he really thinks you would like, he will suggest that you have a little taste and if you don't like it then he'll just smile and think no more of it... anddddddd my #1 thought, he definitely orders for you if ordering food is something that bothers you (like it does to me) 🥺 especially in spain when you come with him, he has no issues placing all of your orders in one go in spanish, all while holding your hand on top of the table and secretly asking the waitress about stuff he knows about your food preferences (like, "are there a lot of carrots in this one or is that just on the side?" or "is the sauce very spicy?")

pepe as your personal photographer >>>> !!!! god he would be so good at that, and he definitely has an eye for taking good candid pictures... and he also takes a lot of pictures of the scenery, especially ones where you're subtly in them, just to fill out your pretty instagram carousel for later <33

and pls drinks with pepe? help??? im not very good with drinks but if i were to sit next to him at a bar, i would try any drink he offered to me (and i would watch in awe as he drank everything i didn't like) <33 and pls having talks about your future together? and just knowing you two have each other until forever, and the fact that it doesn't really matter where you are or what you're doing, as long as you're together?? 🥺

aaaaa pepe would lowkey act like he wasnt sure about the idea of matching outfits at first, but he grows very fond to the idea really quickly.... and soon it's him initiating it 🥺 and him being so prepared with his backpack is soooo true!!! some snacks for whenever you both need some energy, a little polaroid camera that he bought as a surprise just to get some extra memories from the trip, tons of water to make sure you don't get dehydrated.... and it all just comes so naturally to him that when you point it out one day he's just like "?? am i not supposed to do this? what else is my job??" :(( he doesn't mind it at all, because any opportunity to make you happy is a win for him <3

#and ofc he knows that he will be rewarded with loads of cheek kisses whenever he brings out something from the backpack hehe #and he's so proud when he sees that he's helped you #traveling with him would be so so cozy aaaaaa when is it my turn???#thank u so so much for this babes 😭 warmed my heart so much #asks!#anon!#honey anon!#🍯!#pepe thoughts

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the-suitable-poet · 10 months

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!(A letter to my future self)

As 2023 nears its end, with just a month remaining, and just two days away from my birthday, this moment, the opener of the last month, brings with it a hangover from the year, a realisation that I am no longer the same person I once was.

This year, in particular, has been a been quite a ride for me. From changing my address to changing the whole trajectory of my life, it has experienced it all. Receiving my Spotify wrap-up for the year, I'm reminded of the magic of music – how it can evoke the deepest of emotions, reliving the highest highs and the lowest lows. These songs have become a soundtrack to a year of transformation, from a self-destructive lifestyle to one disciplined by necessity.

It's astonishing how much one can experience in a year. This year has made me realise the breadth of time – how in just twelve months, life can flip upside down, leaving you a stranger to the person you were at the year's start.

Is every year like this? Probably not!! Does it happen often? Nope!! So, what makes it special? The tapestry of memories, decisions, reactions, and everything in between.

I'm not here to tally my achievements or losses. In fact, writing this down is a first for me. But for once, let's not keep score, let's not try to get one better, try not to reach somewhere. Instead, let's embrace the moment and recognise ourselves. Find that inner calm that others can sense. Be unconventional – be a monk with a stylish haircut, be a priest in shorts and a T-shirt or a father in jeans and a hoodie. If it's hard to imagine, then be the one to break the mold. Be the outlaw, the outcast, the nerd who knows nothing of Star Wars or the MCU.

In life, we should allow ourselves the simple joys – laugh a little, cry a little, sleep a little, walk a little. When you find yourself at a crossroads, dare to take the road less traveled. Maybe you will find something interesting, some long lost memory, a forgotten friends, someone you were madly in love once, something you didn't even knew you had.

Be curious to explore beyond your comfort zone. Set sail on new adventures, for each journey is a quest to find the missing piece of your life's puzzle.

Life's meaning isn't something to be found but experienced. Embrace the chaos of possibilities, much like a chessboard at the start of a game. With every move, new worlds of possibility unfold. Chess, like life, is an intricate dance of choices and consequences, endless in its variations.

Never underestimate the importance of the seemingly small. You might have missed those particular opportunities that led you to become an Olympic shooter, or a traveller, or a vineyard owner, or a rock star, or a planet-saving physicist, or an IIT graduate, or the million other things, but you are still in some way all of those people.

As you age, you'll realise that much of what once seemed important fades into insignificance. Emptiness isn't a void; it's a canvas for existence. Use it to shape your life's meaning.

We are all just wandering through the tundra of our existence, assigning value to worthlessness, when all that we love and hate, all we believe in and fight for and kill for and die for is as meaningless as images projected onto a screen.

These thoughts might seem disjointed, but perhaps that's the essence of life – a puzzle we're all trying to solve. Our lives are a tapestry of reactions, decisions, and their consequences.

Life is a kaleidoscope – it's anything and everything you want it to be. A topsy-turvy ride, a roller-coaster ride, a ride full of useless decisions and nonsense reactions, a life full of regrets and mistakes, and it still can be a life worth living for.

And if you think you can ask me questions and get some sense out of all the things I have written so far, well, I will think about it tomorrow, for tomorrow is just another day.

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lasi-nariyoyoreads · 11 months

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Kyungsoo, Kai and Sehun's soulmate reading

Last trio for the exo soulmate reading! I had fun doing these readings, I hope you enjoyed them too!

Disclaimer:

My readings are made for fun and you should read them for fun too. So don't take them seriously.

Kyungsoo

Cards: the moon, rev page of swords, queen of swords, gift, success, creativity

In this case, I think this person is someone you might call a friend, someone ready to listen to you and ready to give you good advice.

Seeing all these cards, I think Kyungsoo really rely on this friend.

For example, if he gets a new job offer he might ask them if it’s a good idea to do it.

This person, even though they might not belong to the industry, is very supportive, so they might really give him a lot confidence and reassurance.

“Yes, you can do it”, “What are you worrying about, your fans love you”, I feel this type of energy here.

Because of this encouragement, Kyungsoo is able to try out new experiences, learn new things, reach new audiences and by consequence, get more successful. We know that he’s going through a great change now that he’s leaving SM and we saw him trying new things these past months, so I think that it’s also the positive influence of this person that gave him the confidence to go out of his comfort zone.

I’m unsure if this person works with him, so if he truly gives him practical advice or if they don’t belong to the industry and just really support him like a good friend.

Either way it's really a cute friendship that brings Kyungsoo a lot of clarity and harmony.

Kai

Cards: ace of swords, rev 7 of swords, queen of swords, volition, success, fear

This person is like a counselor for him.

Similarly to Suho, I feel they’re not *that* close, not relatives or actual friends, but it’s a person that nonetheless has a good influence on him.

I tend to think it’s an older person, maybe a woman.

They might be a coworker that gives him suggestions or guide him.

This person seems halfway between Suho’s teacher and Kyungsoo’s friend.

I truly think this person is a coworker, something like a manager, so they aren’t too close on a personal level, but this person encourages Kai a lot.

There’s a lot of ambition here.

Contrary to what I felt with Kyungsoo, it’s not really Kai saying “I received this opportunity what do you think?” but it’s this person that proposes jobs to him.

Success was definitely achieved as we can all see, but the last card shows the other side of the coin of his journey.

To achieve success and grow, you have to go out of your comfort zone. I assume that Kai might feel overwhelmed sometimes, maybe during those ten minutes before stepping on the stage or before the camera turns on he might ask himself "can I really do it?"

He might feel he isn't good enough or worth of his success.

The role of this figure is also to encourage him to avoid these negative feelings.

Sehun

Cards: 10 of cups, rev emperor, rev page of pentacles, choice, trial, bridge

10 of cups might imply a love relationship.

This person might be older than him or someone that somehow has some sort of authority. This person has a strong presence and probably takes care of a lot of aspects in Sehun’s life.

Pretty much like Chanyeol, he will probably have to make a choice regarding this relationship, in this case he chooses to stay with his partner.

If this person is truly an authority figure for him, then several issues may arise (hence Sehun having to make a choice and decide if it's worth staying with them or if it's better to break up).

Which is where the Trial card appears. The card represents a knight fighting a big dragon.

For example, let’s say Sehun happens to work on a drama and his partner is a senior actor or the director. People around them might feel that he got the job just because he’s the lover of a powerful person.

I’m getting a lot of relaxed energy from Sehun’s part, so this means he either doesn’t give a single f*ck to what people might say or his partner is actively shielding him from malicious comments, so he isn’t fully aware of it. Or it might be both.

It might also mean that some paparazzi caught them already, but his partner is so powerful/rich they're able to stop them from leaking the news.

The last card truly points me to a situation of stability, on the outside there might be a big dragon that causes problems, but between them there’s the calm waters that flow below a bridge on a sunny day.

#kyungsoo tarot #d.o tarot #kai tarot #jongin tarot #sehun tarot #sehun reading #kyungsoo reading #d.o reading #kai reading #jongin reading #exo tarot #exo reading #exo soulmate #kpop reading #kpop tarot #kpop soulmate

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riizebabie444 · 9 months

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Hello my name is Dalia

My exchange general reading for your 2024 year:

First of all when I was reading you I felt like you have lots of uncertainty or feeling rather lonely or people don’t understand how u feel deeply like I can see you being present w people but still feeling sometimes not completely their or dissociate I think you also may sometime look for other ways to forget these feelings but it just end up making u feel overwhelmed I just feel your drained right now and not rlly sure on what the future holds, I honestly see a new beginning happening but in order for this ti happen you need to heal and let go from people that don’t serve u right I think whatever 2023 gave u will benefit u in learning a lesson and growing in 2024 u will learn to focus on ur self and put more work on u and to leave the bad negative people or things behind. This year might be not the most bright but it will be healing u will slow your self to be the queen of wands you are the confident outspoken go getter u will be build back it will be a mental battle but u will really work hard to heal and and learn how to live your self and cherish yourself . In conclusion I see this year is for you to learn to prioritize your self more and have faith and hope more , it will be quite challenging with ups and down but you will grow by the end of the year and be stronger than ever.

Message from me I keep getting signs of negative people around you so I really think you should look at people in your life rn and reevaluate them because their are negative people around you that prevent you from thriving completely you really need a healing year to grow stronger and to love your self more it’s going to be challenging tho I am ngl

P.s I am trying my best I am not sure if my readings are accurate but this is what I picked up through your reading. Also I know I have sm typos just got done w a essay and I am so lazy to re check my grammar.

My tropical chart placements:

Virgo sun 4 degree ( 12th house )

Virgo rising 5 degree

Capricorn moon 1 degree ( 4th house )

Virgo Mercury24 ( first house)

Leo Venus 1 degree (11th house)

Sag mars24 ( 4th house)

hey lovey! thank you for your patience, here is your reading for 2024! your astrological theme is jupiter and your tarot card is queen of wands. i believe 2024 will provide a fertile ground for your growth. if you are looking to grow or improve in any way, this year will give you the foundations for it, both internally and externally. it's also a great year for you to attract abundance and also healing, so it is definitely worth putting in the effort. you may even feel lucky, like not even trying that hard but you are getting amazing results. i also heard the message to work with your jupiter placement, embody the energies of the sign and focus on the themes of the house it resides in, and it could help you receive even more. your approach to situations will be more confident than before. you will be more outgoing and i see you pushing yourself out of your comfort zone with social situations. and you will also feel very confident in approaching work matters and love. and i think it will be a result of you putting in the effort for yourself, finding the many ways to improve your life, health, finances etc and overall you will keep stepping into a better place as the year goes on. you're focusing on what will help you move towards the future and becoming the person you have wanted to be for so long. you also will not turn down challenges this year and instead have faith in yourself to not give up. i think you will also be more in touch with your true self, not exactly a journey of spiritual growth but something similar. just aligning yourself to your true nature and meeting your needs instead of what everyone else says you need. and again with the confidence, having faith in your choices and decisions because you know they will lead to the best outcome even if it isn't what you expect. and that in itself can be a massive change in terms of growth, depending on they type of person you were prior to 2024.

happy new year and thank you for taking part! and thank you so much for the exchange it definitely feels accurate, that this will be a year of healing and growth (i also just realised we both had the queen of wands! i'm not even kidding that's crazy) and i really appreciate the messages about negative people. i need to hear it bc it's something i avoid and it's not easy when these people are the ones closest to you, however it definitely gives me motivation to reassess my relationships with family and friends in order to create a better environment for myself. thank you so much!

#ʚɞ 2024 game #ʚɞ personal readings #ʚɞ exchanges

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blueywrites · 1 year

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Hi Bluey, I hope you're keeping well and congratulations on the wonderful news of your little Eggo! very cute nickname btw

I'm relatively new to your blog but I've been ploughing through all of your writing. I haven't finished your entire masterlist yet but I've loved everything I've read so far(turtle dove and the crow is my fave, I'm sure you get that all the time). Even to know you're mine which was a little tough for me to read only because I'm a monogamous person and the thought of my partner being with someone else, even in a swingers situation makes my heart twist. Those early scenes of Steve getting with Chrissy right in front of us had me on the verge of tears. Actually I did cry a little bit haha. And then a lot after. I could feel my stomach drop so hard and I thought for a moment, okay this one fic might not be for me but I couldn't stop thinking about it and I had to know what was going to happen with those characters. Such a worthwhile read and a very well written series with a lot of complex themes. It's one of the more memorable things I've read on here too because it pushed me past my comfort zone.

You should be proud! I know I would be if I were able to write like you.

I wanted to ask if that's okay, what do you like most about writing? and how do you stay positive on those days where you don't feel good about your writing for whatever reason?

You don't have to answer of course but please know that you have a new fan 💜 💜

First, thank you so so much for such a lovely and lengthy comment and for your congratulations! 💙💙 I'm so glad that reading TKYM was worth it in the end for you because I know parts are very hard to read - they were hard to write, too, honestly. I am very proud of that story and its thematic complexity. I think it's definitely my crowning achievement (turtle dove and the crow is closing in as a quick second though imo, and is def my favorite right now too!).

What I like most about writing... So, my husband has said multiple times that I should be writing scripts for TV shows because I always predict what's gonna happen lol, but I tell him I wouldn't wanna do that bc I just enjoy crafting too much -- coming up with prose and imagery that paints vivid experiences readers can really see and feel. It's very satisfying to see something in my head and translate it onto paper in such a way that it immerses people in the story.

I think I suffer most from internalized (and sometimes externalized) pressure to just keep creating constantly and compulsively, and that tends to make me freeze up and I get frustrated. I originally was afraid to ever stop creating bc I thought I'd lose my inspiration and interest if I took a break, but now I just try to remind myself that creativity never really leaves you, and in fact taking breaks is an important part of the creative process. I care a lot about writing and I didn't want it to become a hobby that I did for a time and then abandoned like many others in my life (thanks ADHD lol), but I'm not afraid of that anymore.

Thank you for reading and again for your lovely message. People like you help keep me motivated to keep creating, too 💙💙

#blueyblabs

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kinetic-elaboration · 9 months

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December 27: Some Daria Thoughts

I’m trying to slow down with my Daria rewatch because I’m too obsessed and have too few episodes left, and I’ve been mainlining it too hard. But I am really enjoying it. I think taking several years off from my formerly regular rewatches helped. But I also… don’t want to leave the universe of it, I guess. I’ve been toying around with some fic ideas, nothing that I would share but just something fun for me. Also I feel like I could use some ‘seriously this can be bad it’s just for me’ writing, to help loosen up.

Anyway, I’ve gotten almost to the end of S4, or the Tom Troubles Storyline. I definitely just let this story wash over me when I watched as a teenager and enjoyed the sort of sordidness of it but it’s different to watch as an adult. He’s so fucking annoying. It’s so unforgivable to cheat on your girlfriend with her best friend AND be so sanctimonious about it AND then to totally get away with it! I think making out with one’s best friend’s boyfriend is also unforgivable but in Daria’s case it’s more of a she-can’t-help-it-she’s-drawn-that-way scenario, or in other words, I don’t really think that’s in character for her and to the extent that it is OOC that’s a writing mistake, something to be annoyed at on a meta level. And even if you can kind of make that work—people make mistakes, 17-year-olds make lots of mistakes, this is an area far out of her comfort zone or expertise, sometimes we want to tell certain stories and that means stretching the limits of believable characterizations especially in long-form, serial narratives—she shouldn’t have stayed with him for a year! A year! That piece of toast!

The thing is that I do get why they did it. The show was getting pretty weird in S3, perhaps a little bored with itself, and after 3 full seasons I think it was also ready to grow, and ready for its characters to grow. I think bringing in Tom was an attempt to give Daria specifically, the character, room to grow: first by separating her from Jane and thus forcing her to explore other relationships or even just herself in solitude, and second by laying the groundwork for Tom/Daria in S5. I understand the desire to give the main character a boyfriend, especially at that point in the show. But it’s hard to imagine where Daria would find someone to date: first off it would have to be a new character, because there are no viable men in the existing cast and almost every character at this point in the show exists to be skewered, and second because her friendship with Jane is so intense and codependent. There might be one-off new characters like Ted (gay, btw), but for Daria to really want to date someone she’d have to get quite close to him and to get close to someone she’d need to detach herself at least a little bit from Jane.

Jane, yeah, one could imagine her dating someone: she’s always been more into men than Daria, she’s always been more willing to go out on her own, she’s always been less socially awkward and less dependent. And once she becomes serious with someone, that person is in Daria’s orbit and she can plausibly gain an interest in him that she wouldn’t have the chance to gain in anyone else. I mean, lol, even the safely unattainable Trent is Jane’s older brother.

That said, Tom plays a pretty minor role in S4. Mostly he exists to pull Jane away from Daria, as I said, although every time he and Daria do interact, they get along better than she wants them to. (And he’s also totally inappropriate with her! She doesn’t know how to flirt but he damn sure does! Looking at you I Loathe a Parade.) A lot of the story line that makes IIFY possible comes in those two episode right at the end of S4, the ones I haven’t gotten to yet in this rewatch. My feeling is… it might be worth using Tom to test the Daria and Jane friendship but Daria and Tom should have broken up either in the movie or by early S5. The only issue is that I think all of these earlier plot points exist NOT to test the Daria and Jane friendship or to help Daria become less co-dependent but to set her up for a S5 boyfriend the only way they knew how. And I can’t really argue that there aren’t many paths to ‘Daria dates in high school’ that AREN’T ‘Daria poaches Jane’s boyfriend,’ annoying as that is.

#the year 2023 #2023: fandom thoughts #i was out and about today then did a little reading #hoping to write more tomorrow even though i'm getting very tired of this fic!! haha

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unforestalledreturn · 1 year

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Priceless

continued from here for @annjiru since tumblr's formatting is throwing a fit

->The falter in Genesis’ usual flow was almost enough to give him pause, but the chevalier merely ascribed it to some leftover nerves from the fall he had just taken. However, he does find himself leaning into the touch as he listens to Genesis fumble through the rest of his thoughts. ❝ Well, ❞ he begins, suddenly acutely aware of the attention they seemed to be attracting. ❝ … It might be nice for us to get takeout and head back to my apartment. I’d appreciate the quiet right about now, ❞ he confesses. It wasn’t that he was feeling overwhelmed per se, but rather that he’d prefer to celebrate privately with Genesis and not have their every move scrutinized by other passersby. No matter how clandestine they acted or how casually they dressed, the two were easy to spot in a crowd, especially whenever they were together.

Normally, he’d allow Genesis to show him around to his heart’s delight. He had plenty of fun by doing just that. There was much to be said about how Genesis pushed him to leave his comfort zone and try new things. Tonight, however, he allowed himself to be selfish and ask for more of a quiet night in. The night was still young, and there were plenty of things to do back home before they had to call it a night.

❝ For what it’s worth, I appreciate your selfishness. At least every now and then, ❞ he adds. Slowly, he stands up and offers an outstretched hand to the poet for him to follow suit. ❝ There’s a small Costa restaurant right around the corner. Why don’t we call ahead and order so the food will be ready by the time we get there ? ❞ he suggests.

... ... ...

As to how it was that Angeal managed to not only directly address the matter at hand, but simultaneously ease the redhead's conscience was something of a mystery. His grip tightened some on the other's arm, a small squeeze of gratitude offered where words could not be spoken. Genesis never was good at speaking on emotional matters. He held those cards tightly to his chest. Slowly, a smile spread across his features. For at least one day in the year, handing the reigns over was not so bad a thing. It was good to hear Angeal's mind. So, reaching up for the hand offered, Genesis was more than happy to indeed follow suit. "I think I know the place. They've got some of the best pina colada I've had.. but." His free hand turned up to capture the specs of falling snow. "Might be a bit cold." Expression soft, his fingers curled in. "Of course, I can always warm us up." He teased, bumping his shoulder into Angeal as they walked. Something about being an avid pyromancer lent itself to all sorts of humor. Before long, Genesis was on his PHS, thumbing through the menu, adding this and that to the cart.

#annjiru #rp: priceless #verse: Crisis Core #much apologies for the delay-- I had this in my drafts and evidently never posted :')#then formatting

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theintrovertwithadhd · 1 year

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Winter Survival Strategy

ugh I am so not stoked for winter or fall.

im trying to live in the moment, be present and all that jazz but the truth is, it's coming and In efforts for me to get ready and try to make it better than last year, i've thought long and hard about creating a "winter survival strategy". This is where I think of things to do to get through it so I don't just sit around, eat and get incredibly depressed and let the cold steal my soul. But in all honestly, It also makes me wonder if this is just bound to happen and I need to just accept it?

I've thought long and hard about this and because of this, my long term goal is to purchase or rent a place somewhere it's warm that I can travel to for a few months out of the year that I can live and work remotely from. However, given that my current job is an in office job (which I'm grateful for at the moment), this is not yet an option.

I am a major "action taker" so whenever something doesn't feel right, I immediately have to figure out why and right away figure out what I need to do to fix it and this living through winter in Ontario thing isn't it for me.

Aside from changing my living situation, I've thought of a few other things that I'm planning to incorporate into my "strategy". One of them is to regularly attend hot yoga classes/ work out classes. I find I get incredibly lonely and feel isolated in the cold months, so attending these regularly could really allow me to feel connected with people and it would challenge me to move my body other than regularly going to the gym.

Another one on the list is to go to events, workshops, meet ups in my area of which I have an interest in. I'd find these events through platforms like EventBrite, BlogTO, MeetUp.com and also the Local Library hosts regular events. These will be very helpful where I'll get to learn new things, meet new people and maybe even get outside of my comfort zone a bit.

A third idea I thought of is "mini trips". Now i'm not quite sure what this looks like at the moment, but it'd consist of weekends away or maybe even a week where I'd travel somewhere outside of Ontario. These can get pricey so TBD as I still need to do more research on this.

Now one more item on the list is... ugh... dating. To be honest, I struggle with this one because my time is valuable and as a typically burnt out introvert, I don't just leave my house for anyone. Usually in the winter, my dating life is dependant on the apps because (as we are simply learning here) I don't get out much in the winter. So in order for me to really want to meet someone in person where I believe it is possibly worth my time, we'd have to be talking via text and likely phone before meeting up. However, I think it is important to note - that talk to me in the summer and you'll find me talking to everyone out there and making friends, so not your typical introvert here I might add.

Well there you have it, my "winter survival strategy" which consists of: group work out classes, learning new things through attending events that can be found online, mini trips away and dating. I also forgot to mention we definitely can't forget to take those vitamins, especially Vitamin D, that's very important since we don't get as much exposure from the sun and this will help us the low mood.

So this leads me to ask, whats on your list?

#introvert #winter #wintersurvivalstrategy #winterblues #cold #preparation #blog

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searidings · 3 years

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hi, i just love you and your writing

can i suggest something - you are in love (taylor swift) and supercorp

i cannot listen to that song without going yeah, that's them

(also on ao3 if you prefer)

Five years from now, Kara is going to reach across the table at Noonan's and take her hand. She's going to look deep into Lena's eyes, biting her lip as her thumb rubs gentle circles into Lena's palm, and her voice will barely rise above a whisper when she asks, “When did you know?”

And when she does, five years from now, Lena will think back to this moment.

This moment, which is as close as Lena's come to happiness since she'd woken up ziptied to a chair in her brother's office. This moment which, despite the fuzzy feeling of her unbrushed teeth and the pungent aroma of burnt toast filling the air, is perfect.

Kara, bed-warm and sleep-heavy, is gazing beseechingly down at the charred remains of a slice of a bread as though if she only pouts hard enough, its edges will un-blacken and its corners will stop smoking.

“I'm so sorry,” she says as Lena rounds the screen separating Kara's bedroom from the rest of the apartment and perches herself on a barstool, tugging her borrowed sleep shorts a little lower down her thighs.

Kara's tone is mournful, her face so forlorn she looks to be one deep breath away from tears. “I wanted breakfast to be perfect, since it's your first time staying over and if it's terrible you might not want to stay again and I, I really want you to stay again, but I don't know why you would since you probably have a private chef waiting for you at home and I can’t even manage toast—”

“Kara,” Lena interrupts, biting at the inside of her cheek to keep from laughing as Kara's bottom lip trembles. “It's fine, really. I once set fire to my dorm kitchen trying to boil an egg. And besides,” she winks as blue eyes meet hers. “I like to give my personal chef the weekends off.”

Kara huffs out a relieved chuckle, her face brightening. “Oh, well, in that case,” she grins, a sparkle returning to her eyes. “I'd better feed you up before you go home. Never let it be said that I don't look after you.”

Lena can't help the smile that pulls at her as the warm bright feeling in her chest grows and grows. She tugs the sleeves of Kara's sweatshirt over her hands, fighting the urge to fidget as the blonde orders a frankly obscene amount of food from the brunch place on the corner.

She feels exposed like this, face bare and hair sleep-mussed, unshowered with unbrushed teeth, huddled inside borrowed clothes after the impromptu invitation to stay over when last night's movie marathon ran late. It's a far cry from the regimented composure she fights so hard every day to project, and something in her chest twists anxiously.

Kara is a reporter, after all, and National City really doesn't need any more reasons to hate Lena right now. The darkest corner of her mind – the one which has been waiting for the other shoe to drop, for everything to come crashing down ever since the whirlwind of Kara's too-good-to-be-true friendship had come blazing into her life – still worries that this may all be an elaborate ruse. A trap, a way to get close to her in order to assess her weaknesses, to bring her down with an inside scoop.

But in their six months of friendship, Kara's never given her any reason to believe she has any kind of ulterior motive. And despite the suspicions and anxieties hammered into her by a lifetime of hurt, Lena knows now that even if this is a trap, she'll take the bait willingly. Especially if it means Kara will keep looking at her like there might just be something in Lena that's worth her time.

"Hey,” the blonde says gently, leaning back against the counter opposite and pinning Lena with a searching look. “You okay? You kind of zoned out on me there.”

Lena jumps, blinking back into herself with a start. “Yes, sorry. I was miles away.”

The blonde only smiles, flicking on the coffee machine at her elbow. “You sleep okay?”

“Very well, thank you,” Lena answers, fighting to lessen the formality of her tone, to soften the edges her harsh childhood had sharpened into a fortress to keep the world at bay. “Your bed is surprisingly comfortable. I had a great night's sleep.”

"Perhaps the company had something to do with it,” Kara winks as she turns to pull two mugs down from the hooks at her shoulder. Lena thinks back to the smell of Kara's sheets and the soft pulls of her breathing, to the warmth of Kara's ankle against her calf and the strong fingers that had wrapped themselves in the sleeve of Lena's sweatshirt in sleep, anchoring them together. She blushes.

Kara only smirks, pouring their drinks and grabbing the milk from the fridge. “Well, the food's all ordered, it should be here soon,” she says over her shoulder, the waterfall of her golden ponytail mesmerising in the bright rays of morning light filtering in through the vaulted windows. “And you don't need to head off in a hurry, unless you have plans—?”

She glances back at Lena, who shakes her head. “Great!” she grins. “’Cause I was thinking, maybe we could check out the botanical gardens, since it's such a nice day? Oh, and there's a new bakery right across the street that I've been dying to try—”

Lena listens to the blonde's excited rambling with an endeared smile plastered to her face, feeling happy and warm and wanted with every fibre of her being. The feeling is new but so welcome she could cry, and Lena wonders – not for the first time – how she ever got so lucky.

Kara's presence in her life is like sugar in her coffee; meant only to sweeten that which has always been bitter.

Lena's always taken her coffee black. Softening the blow was never much her style.

But here, now, perched at Kara's breakfast bar with her hands wrapped around a steaming mug the blonde has brewed to perfection, sunlight streaming in and highlighting the angles and planes of Kara's face, the way she’s smiling at Lena like there's nowhere else in the world she'd rather be, she realises her reasoning is twofold.

Sugar isn't just appetising. It's addictive. And now that Lena's had a taste of sweetness, she's hooked.

In this moment, Lena knows. She's in love.

Four years from now, Kara is going to reach across the table at Noonan's and take her hand. She's going to look deep into Lena's eyes, biting her lip as her thumb rubs gentle circles into Lena's palm, and her voice will barely rise above a whisper when she asks, “When did you know?”

And when she does, four years from now, Lena will also think back to this moment.

This moment, which may well be one of the lowest of Lena's life. And she's had some doozies.

The two bottles of wine she'd managed to mainline between Sam leaving to orchestrate damage control at L-Corp and Kara arriving and attempting to confiscate her glass have well and truly caught up to her now. She sways heavily on her stool, the room spinning. Tears sting her vision and guilt scorches her throat as she presses a hand over her eyes so she won't have to look at Kara's face anymore.

“Please, just— just, stop believing in me, okay?” she slurs, heart full to shattering with the faces of lead-poisoned children. “I am not worth it.”

She hears Kara sigh, and the room falls silent for a long long time. Lena drops her head fully into her hands, fighting the nausea that's taken root in the pit of her stomach. It could be the booze that's causing it, of course, but it could also be the incessant headlines baying for her blood, the bullet James had taken for her that she'd fully deserved, the curse of her family finally fulfilling itself.

The guilt, the worry, the crushing disappointment of the knowledge that despite her very best efforts, she'll never be anything but a monster— it's too much to feel. It's too much to bear.

So, Lena drinks.

She drains her glass. She pours another. Kara watches, silent and disapproving, fingers twitching against the granite countertop between them.

Lena finishes her glass. Splashes the last dregs of the bottle into it, blood on ice. Still Kara watches, motionless and mute. It's only when Lena's swallowed the last of the red and is lurching unsteadily to her feet to source another that she moves, a hand reaching out to encircle her wrist.

Shame ignites beneath her skin and she pushes Kara away. Snaps at her to go home, to learn to recognise a lost cause when she sees one and just give up already. Kara refuses with a stoic shake of her head, and Lena sighs.

They repeat the same routine three times en route to Sam's wine rack, the blonde shadowing her every step. Each time, Lena wobbles, head fuzzy and room spinning. Each time, Kara steadies her, and Lena flinches from her touch like her palm is a brand, snarls at her to leave, to cut her losses, to just fuck off. Each time, Kara refuses.

She eventually retrieves the wine after a number of unsuccessful attempts but overbalances on her toes, bottle slipping from her grip as she sways dangerously. And then Kara is there, glass bottle caught a split second before it can shatter, a firm arm at her waist that will not be rebuffed.

Lena struggles, shoving and protesting, but this time Kara does not give in. “Enough,” she says quietly, firmly, blue eyes burning a mere inch from Lena's own. “Lena, enough.”

Lena's unsteady legs buckle further and Kara’s basically holding her up now, walking her slowly over to the couch and she shouldn't be this strong, surely, shouldn't be lifting Lena onto the cushions quite this easily. But it's such a minor concern when weighted against the fact that Lena is personally responsible for the hospitalisation of children that her mind brushes over it, forgets it immediately.

"Please go home,” she slurs as the blonde arranges her on the couch, as she stashes the unopened wine far out of reach and sets about finding blankets and pillows in various cupboards. “Please, just— leave me alone.”

“No,” Kara says, almost snaps, glancing back over her shoulder. Partially hidden in the linen cupboard, her face is cast deep in shadow, a splinter of half-concealed truth. “I made you a promise, I gave you my word. I'm your friend, and I will protect you. Always.”

She crosses back to the couch, soft blankets and pillows held out in invitation. When Lena refuses the offering Kara sighs, draping a knitted throw over her anyway and perching on the cushions beside Lena's hip. “I'm not going to leave you, so you might as well stop asking,” she hums, softer now, a hand reaching toward her that Lena no longer possesses the strength or coordination to bat away.

Long fingers make contact with her cheek, with the mussed curls tangling in her eyelashes, and Kara sighs. “You are not your brother,” she murmurs, fingertips grazing Lena's cheekbone, sliding back to thread into the fine hair at her temple. “And you never will be. There's too much light in you to allow for that kind of darkness, so put that fear down, Lena. Let it go. Be free of it.”

Tears spring unbidden to her eyes. “I poisoned children.”

Kara tilts forward and Lena wonders if it's just that her vision has upped its spinning, but then warm lips are pressing against her forehead, soft and delicate as gossamer wings. Kara's mouth moves against her skin, breath damp and sweet and unmistakeably her. “You saved the world.”

Neither one of them moves. When Lena speaks again, the words hit the elegant hollow of Kara's throat. “I don't deserve your kindness. I don't deserve you.”

Kara's lips are still on her forehead. “I don't care.”

Lena feels as if her throat is splitting open, every last fear and hatred and worry and insecurity gushing out of her in an unstoppable stream. “I'm scared.”

“I know.” Kara's lips press once more, and then withdraw. They watch each other in the dim light from the kitchen. Lena's vision is beginning to blur at the edges. Kara's hand is still in her hair.

“You will get through this,” the blonde whispers, so earnest Lena almost manages to believe her. “We'll figure it out. Together.”

Heart in her mouth, tongue sticking behind her teeth, Lena's eyes slide closed.

The sweetness of Kara's words, her gentle touches, seep inside her like honey. She doesn't deserve it but God, she wants it. She wants to be worthy of Kara's faith in her more than she's ever wanted anything in her life. She wants Kara more than she's ever wanted anything in her life.

And it's telling, she knows, that she's just lost the trust of all of National City, that she has no way of easing those children's suffering and no way to prove that she isn't the cause of it, that she's finally living up to the Luthor name she's been running from ever since she'd learned what it truly meant and yet in this moment, with Kara's hand in her hair and the ghostly imprint of her lips on Lena's skin, none of it seems to matter.

In this moment, Lena knows. She's in love.

Three years from now, Kara is going to reach across the table at Noonan's and take her hand. She's going to look deep into Lena's eyes, biting her lip as her thumb rubs gentle circles into Lena's palm, and her voice will barely rise above a whisper when she asks, “When did you know?”

And when she does, three years from now, Lena will also think back to this moment.

This moment, which stands alone as an oasis of calm in the turbulent tumult of the past days, weeks, months of chaos. Lex's escape from custody, Eve Teschmacher's betrayal, James’ shooting, the Harun-El serum, the whole shitty totality of it all has been weighing Lena down like an nth metal chain around her neck.

And Kara, Kara hasn't been around. The one person who has always managed to ease Lena's suffering has deserted her when she needs her the most and it feels like she's been sliced open, cracked in two.

She tells her as much, when Kara at last comes to see her. Tells her she's missed her, tells her she needs her, all but begs her to stay. And what does Kara do? She leaves.

And when she leaves, Lena is gripped by a panic so intense she fears she may never breathe freely again. So terrified is she that Kara is gone for good, that she's forced away the best thing that's ever happened to her, that almost before she knows what's happening she finds herself at Catco with apologies dripping from her own tongue.

Anything to get Kara back. Anything to keep her.

Lena apologises. Kara apologises. Lena cries, and Kara holds her, and tells her that the decision to help her brother when he was dying of cancer doesn't make her the monster she now believes herself to be. And standing on her office balcony with Kara's fingers wrapped around her biceps, with her own tears spotting dark on Kara's blazer, Lena manages to believe her.

When she's collected herself, smoothed away the wetness coursing down her cheeks, she speaks. “I really want to help you with your investigation on Lex.”

Kara's face lights up; Lena's whole world along with it.

“I'd love that,” Kara says, voice quiet and still a little tentative in the wake of their new truce. “But first— would you, um. Would you like to have lunch with me?”

Lena blinks. “Don't you want to get started on the exposé?”

“I do. But—” Kara's face is still painted that earnest shade from earlier, when she'd smoothed her hands over Lena's shoulders and whispered you are a brilliant, kind-hearted, beautiful soul against the sensitive skin of her neck. Lena feels her cheeks heat up at the memory, at the intensity in the blue eyes still roving her face.

Kara shuffles her feet but her gaze is clear, unwavering. “But you were right. I've spent too much time recently prioritising the wrong things. So, I want to work on this exposé with you, and I want to bring your brother down. But first, I'd really just like to have lunch with my best friend.”

Lena's heart trips in her chest. “I'd like that too.”

So, that's what they do. Kara asks her to wait, which she does, idly tapping out a few emails on her phone. And then the blonde is back, far quicker than should have been possible, with her arms full of takeout bags from the café on the third floor and she's taking Lena by the hand and leading her to Cat Grant's private elevator. She presses the button for the roof and Lena's gaze jumps to her face but Kara only smiles, and squeezes her fingers. “Trust me, it'll be worth it,” she hums, her excitement infectious. “You'll be safe with me.”

And Lena believes her.

That's how she ends up sitting at the edge of Catco's roof on a clean sheet Kara had borrowed from the builders on the second floor, heels kicked off, Kara's red blazer draped around her shoulders. It is worth it, she'll admit; the view from this high is phenomenal. The sun burns bright in a cloudless sky, glinting off the glass-sided skyscrapers of the business district, the glittering waters of the bay beyond.

Kara had picked up Lena's favourite salad, some flatbreads and dips, and they drink kombucha and eat strawberries in the sunshine. They talk and they laugh and they catch up and there's no more fighting, no animosity, no megalomaniac brothers or backstabbing secretaries or worlds needing to be saved. There's only them, she and Kara, and it feels like all she will ever need.

The blonde's hands are braced behind her on the rooftop and she looks happy and carefree as she regales Lena with stories of her upstairs neighbour's antics, and Lena feels the tight knot of tension that had taken up residence in her chest begin to unfurl.

"Hey,” Kara hums, pushing up straighter as Lena licks strawberry juice from her fingertips. The motion brings them closer, their shoulders brushing. “Look up.”

Lena does. High above them, a huge murmuration of starlings whirls and swoops through the air. Thousands of birds move together as one, a vast wave cresting but never breaking against the blue canvass of sky.

“Wow,” Lena gasps, awed.

Against her side, Kara hums. “Yeah.”

They watch the birds for a long moment, captivated by the ceaseless swirling and diving. When Lena at last tears her gaze away from the sky, Kara's eyes rest intently on her face. "Here,” the blonde murmurs, reaching out. The pad of one finger makes feather-light contact with her cheek. Lena's breath catches in her chest.

Kara holds out her finger, proffering the stray eyelash she'd captured with a smile. "Make a wish,” she whispers, her fingertip an inch from Lena's mouth. Her eyes never leave Lena’s.

Lena looks from Kara's face to the eyelash, and back again. From somewhere deep inside her heart, the truth bubbles its way to the surface. “I don't need to.”

Kara smiles, a brilliant, beautiful smile, and Lena knows. The stresses and anxieties of their current crisis feel far away here, harmless as birdsong. She's meted out forgiveness, received it in return. For the first time in her adult life Lena has communicated an issue with a loved one and been heard, understood. She has admitted her own mistake without having it spell out the end of her relationship.

Lena smiles back. The weight of the world sublimates into nothing beneath the bliss of a simple picnic in the sun.

In this moment, Lena knows. She's in love.

Two years from now, Kara is going to reach across the table at Noonan's and take her hand. She's going to look deep into Lena's eyes, biting her lip as her thumb rubs gentle circles into Lena's palm, and her voice will barely rise above a whisper when she asks, “When did you know?”

And when she does, two years from now, Lena will think back to this moment.

This moment, which has sapped the both of them to the bone. Another fight, another screaming match, another quick-fire back and forth of accusations and recriminations. Another night of cursing and crying and choking on all the things they never said before this, on all the things they can't now that Kara's secret has detonated in the shrinking space between them like a nuclear bomb.

Another round of bloodshed, and for what?

Lena sags against the arm of the couch, exhausted. Her face is hot, scratchy with salt from the tears still drying on her skin. She's dehydrated, probably, and half hoarse from shouting, tongue blistered with the bitter sting of betrayal.

Across the no man's land of her living room, Kara slumps against the floor-length windows, drops her temple to the cool glass. She's breathing heavily, cheeks wet, posture battered and eyes dark-bruised beneath the force of Lena's wrath. As Lena watches, her eyes slide closed.

It's been three months since Lena found out. Three weeks since Kara found out that Lena had found out.

Every night since, they've done this. Every night, Kara has shown up on her balcony and begged, pleaded, apologised, cajoled, defended, rebuffed, and sobbed. Every night, Lena has unleashed the hollow agony of Kara's deception masquerading as anger in her chest, incinerating the both of them in the fires of her desolation.

She would have expected the wounds to have cauterised by now. To feel some kind of release, the relief of catharsis. Or at least, to have expended some of her fury after all this time.

She hasn't.

They've been at this for three hours already this evening, and gotten nowhere. Kara's skin is pale above that fucking supersuit, face drawn and complexion sallow.

Lena knows how she feels. The singular exhaustion that is her rift with Kara has sapped her in every way imaginable. She can't sleep. She barely eats. She's no longer interested in work, research, friends. There's nothing in her life that isn't tainted by the shadow of the lies her best friend told and kept telling, every day for four years. Lena doesn't know how any amount of screaming and crying is ever going to get them past that.

Across the room, Kara sighs. It might be the saddest sound Lena has ever heard.

“Should we keep doing this?” she asks after an interminable silence, voice rough with tears still building. Her eyes are still closed.

Lena manages, with exorbitant effort, to raise her drooping head. “What?”

“Is there a point to all this?” Kara asks quietly, hunched body sliding a little further down the glass. "The explanations, the fighting?”

Blue eyes blink open. The weight of the sadness in them is unbearable. Lena struggles to find it within herself to care.

“Lying to you about who I am is the single biggest mistake I have ever made, and if it will make even one single shred of difference I will apologise to you every day for as long as I live,” Kara says into the aching chasm between them. “But I can't keep doing this. Not if it won't change anything. I can't— I don't want to keep hurting you.”

An hour ago, Lena would have scoffed at a sentiment like that. Would have parried back with some piercingly dry comment about how the blonde should have thought about that before she decided to betray Lena's trust as soundly as she possibly could.

Now, though— now, she's just too tired.

“So, should we keep doing this?” Kara whispers, throat working. “Or— God, Lena. Should we just— should we give up?”

Green eyes meet blue, two shattered hearts haemorrhaging between them. “Is that what you want?”

“No.” Kara's voice is loud, fiercely determined in the face of Lena's hesitant whisper. “God, no. Never. I don't ever want to give up on you, Lena. I don't ever want to give you up.”

Kara straightens then, with a strength Lena cannot imagine mustering herself. Perks of being a superhero, she supposes. Perks of being Kryptonian. The thought stakes another shard of ice through her bleeding heart.

“But I know that I've spent four years calling the shots for both of us by keeping you in the dark,” Kara continues. “I've taken away your agency. I've taken away your choice. I won't do that again.”

She sucks in a deep breath, a little of Supergirl's regality seeping back into the defeated slump of her shoulders. “So, I'm doing what I should have done from the start. I'm being honest with you, and hoping that you'll be honest back. I'm asking what you want.”

Kara's fingers twist anxiously before her, bottom lip bleaching white beneath the nervous pressure of her teeth. “Do you think we should keep doing this? Or do you— fuck.” Her voice cracks, the tears brimming in her eyes once again breaking free. “Do you want to give up?”

Jesus Christ. Lena never knew that the prospect of doing the right thing could hurt so much.

“Fuck,” she mutters as she kneads her knuckles over her closed eyelids, digging in until white lights starburst across her vision. “Fuck, Kara.”

“I know,” the blonde whispers from across the room, brittle and broken. “I know. I'm sorry.”

Lena slows her assault on her own eyelids, pinching thumb and forefinger hard at the bridge of her nose instead. “I want to give up,” she mutters, and in the taut silence between them she hears the blonde gasp, watery and thick.

Lena blinks open her eyes to find Kara's face crumpling, every facet of her seeming to fold in on itself even as she visibly fights to keep herself upright.

Lena sighs, and hates Kara, and hates herself even more. “I want to, but— I can't.” She sucks in a ragged breath, hating the truth that's just fallen from her lips, hating the lies that had necessitated it. Hating everything and everyone and most of all, hating just how much she's hurting. “I can't give this up.”

The tiniest spark of hope flares to life in Kara's eyes. Lena hates that she notices, hates that she cares, hates that the sight eases the tight knot of devastation clawing at her ribcage just the tiniest bit.

She also knows that this was inevitable. She knows that, though she hates Kara, though she's nowhere close to forgiving her, though she has no idea how they can rebuild from here or even if she truly wants to try, a question like Kara's could only ever have one answer.

In this moment, Lena knows. She's in love.

One year from now, Kara is going to reach across the table at Noonan's and take her hand. She's going to look deep into Lena's eyes, biting her lip as her thumb rubs gentle circles into Lena's palm, and her voice will barely rise above a whisper when she asks, “When did you know?”

And when she does, one year from now, Lena will also think back to this moment.

This moment, which is barely even a moment at all. It's more like a dream, warm and faded and fogged in darkness, seconds stolen when sleep should have long since claimed them.

Kara's nightmare had woken them both. In the month since they'd pulled her out of the Phantom Zone, she hadn't slept alone once. Often, she stays with Alex, curling into her sister's side the way she would when they were just kids after one too many late-night horror movies. Once, she stays with Nia, tucked up snug in a borrowed pair of puppy print pyjamas.

Mostly, she stays with Lena. It's natural and unspoken and easy as breathing, the way Kara will show up at her place after a Supergirl save or Lena will let herself into the blonde's apartment after a late night in the lab. They cook dinner and watch Celebrity Masterchef and brush their teeth elbow to elbow at the bathroom sink and when Kara is inevitably tugged screaming and sobbing from her night terrors, the way she presses her face to Lena's neck and her hand over Lena's heart is natural and unspoken and easy as breathing, too.

Kara's racing pulse has calmed a little, her grip on Lena's body beneath her losing some of its urgent desperation. After a long moment of Lena's hand stroking her hair, of gentle reassurances and lips pressed to her temple the blonde pulls back, just enough to rest her head on the pillow facing her.

In the dim light filtering in through the bedroom window Kara's pupils are blown, her face solemn. There's something in her heavy gaze that Lena can't identify; something weighted and potent that prickles goosebumps up the length of her spine.

"Feeling better?” she whispers into the inch of warm air between them, reaching out to tuck a sweat-matted curl reverently behind the blonde's ear.

Kara catches her retreating hand and holds tight, twining their fingers together on the narrow swathe of pillow between them. If either of them were to move so much as a millimetre, their clasped hands would press against their lips.

The blonde nods and sure enough, the soft heat of her mouth brushes the back of Lena's knuckles. She shivers.

Kara is still watching her, the intensity of her gaze causing Lena's heart to thud hard in her throat. She squeezes lightly at the fingers threaded through her own. “What?”

A pause, heavy and sweet as overripe fruit. Kara blinks once, slow. “You're my best friend.”

Lena swallows down a sudden swell of emotion. The blonde nudges closer and when she speaks, the wet seam of her lips catches on the angle of Lena's bent knuckles, painting her skin with the words.

“You're the most important person in the world to me,” Kara whispers, breaths skating fire-flashes across Lena's fingers, voice muffling out past the mouth pressed to her skin. “You know that, right?”

Lena's voice deserts her in the wake of the quiet words. She leans forward instead, presses her lips to Kara's fingertips where they rest against the back of her own hand. It's answer enough.

She hears Kara's breath catch, feels the disruption mirrored in her own chest. Both their mouths are pressed to the joined hands clasped between them. If they were to move their fingers down even just a fraction, there would be nothing separating their lips but a promise, a prayer.

Kara's eyelashes flutter in the semi-darkness. The tip of her nose brushes Lena's own. Neither one of them moves their hands.

They only gaze at one another a long moment, and Lena wonders if the blonde is memorising the planes of her face the way she's memorising Kara's. She could look at her forever, be happy here with her forever, and in this moment, Lena knows. She's in love.

For the first time, she wonders if she might not be the only one.

Right now, Kara is reaching across the table at Noonan's and taking Lena's hand.

It's been three weeks since they'd taken down Lex for the last time. Three weeks since Kara had stormed into the Tower's med bay to cup Lena's bloody, bruised face in her hands; since she'd brushed her thumbs feather-light over Lena's split eyebrow and purpling jaw and growled don't you ever scare me like that again. Three weeks since she'd leaned in and pressed her lips to Lena's.

It's been two weeks and six days since Lena, confined to a gurney but utterly uncaring thanks to the warm Kryptonian curled against her side, had pressed her aching face to Kara's shoulder and first whispered that she loved her. Two weeks and six days since Kara had first said it back.

It's been two weeks and five and a half days since Nia had walked in on Lena in Kara's arms, lips pressed to her neck and hands wandering beneath her sweatshirt, and promptly shrieked the place down. Since their friends had exchanged pointed glances and relieved sighs and congratulated them on finally making it official, their expressions ranging from overjoyed to exasperated to plain exhausted.

It's been two weeks and four days of she and Kara dating; of morning kisses and shared showers and the perfect partner at game night and all of Lena's wildest dreams coming true.

It's been less than a minute since Kara had admitted, hushed and wondering, that she'd known she was in love with Lena ever since she'd found herself suddenly prepared to poison National City's entire water supply rather than let Lena fall. That she hadn't been able to fully it admit it to herself until she'd found herself suddenly prepared to alter the course of all of history in order to get Lena back.

And right now, Kara is reaching across the table at Noonan's and taking her hand. She's looking deep into Lena's eyes, biting her lip as her thumb rubs gentle circles into Lena's palm, and her voice barely rises above a whisper when she asks, “When did you know?”

And now that she has, Lena is sure of her answer.

The highlight reel of her relationship with Kara lays itself at Lena's feet, each precious memory between them stretching out like a roadmap of her growing affection, with every hard-won step leading her right to this moment.

And in this moment, Lena knows. She's in love with Kara. Really, she always has been.

#sorry this took approximately 8932018207402 thousand years to materialise #if you've ever sent me a prompt and thought well fuck she's taking so long with this she's clearly forgotten about it i'm just here to say:#nope!#still here #unsure how inspired by the song this actually was in the end #it's either way too close to the lyrics or not close enough #who can say #but anyway yeah. supercorp song #thank your for the prompt and the lovely message! hope you like it #asks #anonymous #ridings writes #supercorp #supercorp fanfic #supergirl #lena luthor #kara danvers

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svu-ncis-criminalminds · 3 years

Text

Audiobook

Spencer Reid x Gender Neutral Reader

Word count : 962

“Alright?” Your eyes flicked away from the window of the jet where you had been watching the clouds pass, and landed on the man taking the seat opposite of you. You smiled slightly and nodded, eyes returning to the window.

“I’m alright. Tired.” You admitted, meeting Spencer’s eyes in his reflection in the glass. “You?”

“I’m alright,” He agreed, nodding slightly before reopening his book - however, he didn’t go back to reading, his eyes remained on you, “Why don’t you try to sleep?” You broke eye contact with the clouds once more and turned to look at Spencer.

“I don’t sleep well while moving, planes, trains, cars, never really been able to sleep in them.” You admitted, lifting one shoulder before letting it drop. “I usually just listen to music.”

“Why aren’t you?”

“Broke my earbuds,” You smirked sheepishly, and Spencer chuckled, shaking his head at you.

“Do you want to borrow a book?” Spencer offered, hand automatically going to his bag to rummage for another book, but you waved him off.

“No, I’m fine,” You assured, “reading case files is hard enough sometimes,”

“Motion sickness?”

“I suppose, it doesn’t bother me unless I’m trying to focus on something - like reading or falling asleep,”

“What about an audiobook?” Spencer pressed, and you hummed, you hadn’t thought of that. You usually enjoyed reading a physical book, however, he had a good point.

“That might work,” You agreed finally, nodding, “I’ll have to remember to get one when I get knew earbuds.”

You didn’t remember, to do either task, as the next day you were back on another long flight across the country to go consult on a case on Colorado. Things were wrapped up by the end of the week, and everyone agreed to leave first thing in the morning.

“Did you get new earbuds?” Spencer asked as you all made your way to the motel rooms you had barely used over the course of the case.

“No,” Shaking your head, you stopped at your door, “I didn’t have time, it’s alright, I’ll just do what I did last time.” You assured him, and he raised an eyebrow at you, stopping in front of the door next to yours, key card in hand.

“Which was?”

“Stare out the window and zone out?” He shook his head chuckling, and you smiled before swiping your card and opening the door, “Goodnight, Spence, see you tomorrow,”

“Goodnight, Y/N.” Spencer watched you disappear into your room, door shutting, as his brain ran a mile a minute. Finally, he turned away from his own door and hurried down the hallway - formulating a plan.

The next morning came too quickly, and soon you found yourself boarding the plane in a half-asleep haze. You took your usual seat and collapsed into it, getting comfortable. Everyone else settled as well, Morgan falling almost immediately back to sleep, Hotch and Rossi towards the front, talking amongst themselves, in the seats behind them Emily and JJ were playing a game of cards. Spencer dropped down in the seat next to you, and you glanced away from the rest of your team.

“Hey,” He smiled, and you returned it sleepily, resting your chin in your hand, pacing your elbow on the table in front of you.

“Hey,”

“I got you something,” He admitted, almost sheepishly, as he reached into his bag.

“Hm?” You sat up slightly straighter, watching him carefully. Finally, Spencer produced something, and set it on the table in front of you. “It’s an old tape recorder, I borrowed in from the police station, so the audio is going to be terrible. It also only held two hours worth, so it’s not the whole book,” He explained quickly, as you picked the device up, turning it in your hands. “I got you earbuds for it too,” He pointed, and you smiled, nodding, as you picked the earbuds up, “If you don’t like the book, I understand, I just-” You cut him off quickly.

“It’s wonderful. Spencer, it’s incredible. Thank you,” You reached over, giving the man a quick half-hug before sitting back in your seat with a grin - his cheeks went a bit pink, and you smiled wider, “thank you,” You repeated, “this is one of the most thoughtful gifts I’ve ever gotten,” the pink on his cheeks darkened and Spencer cleared his throat, nodding quickly.

“I’m happy you like it, Y/N,” You excitedly put the earbuds in and connected them to the tape recorder before settling back in your seat, Spencer opening his own book next to you. You glanced out the window and placed play, smiling to yourself when the static-y recording began.

“Uh, wait, hold on,” Came the muffled voice of Spencer, there was a click and the static became slightly quieter, “Is this better?” it was, you chuckled softly to yourself, another click, “Okay, I think this is as good as it gets, hello Y/N, uhm, welcome to my first audiobook. So, the book is 1984 by George Orwell,” There was a short pause, and you heard the turning of a page, “It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen.”

You’d tried audiobooks before in the past, and never liked them, you couldn’t get as lost in them as reading it yourself. But there was something so calming about being read to by your friend, and before you knew it you were being lulled into sleep. When your head fell forward, Spencer glanced over at you and smiled to himself - his chest ached with a feeling that he had never felt before you. A feeling he was quickly beginning to understand was utter love.

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wtfevenismypage · 4 years

Text

Curiosity Killed The Cat

request: request. i’m not sure if you’re comfortable with writing it but it’s worth a try the team is always teasing spencer saying “he’s definitely a virgin” and he’s like “wtf no i’m not” one day they’re like ok well then y/n can see for herself, y/n is like “😳i didn’t sign up for this” and long story short they come back to the bau and the team is like “ ok soooo?” and y/n is like zoning out mumbling “you were wrong”

Warnings: SMUT (Penetration, oral (female recieving), spanking, over-stimulation, choking, degrading kink)

A/N: YO SHIT’S ABOUT TO GO DOWN, I am going to start publishing fics again, but updates will be very very slow. They’ll increase eventually, but for now, they are slow. Love you all!

The night began at work. A late night with the team at the office, stacks of files mounted on all of your desks and you’re all gathered around to keep each other awake.

“Ugh. This is too much work. Seriously. Can’t killers ever take a break?”

You whine, spinning in the swivel chair and holding a file in the air. Morgan chuckles, staring at his own file before speaking.

“I need a drink after this.”

“You and me both Morgs.”

“I told you to stop calling me that Girly.”

You chuckle, stopping your spinning and standing up to stretch. It feels nearly impossible to stay awake. Not necessarily because you’re tired, but you’ve been staring at similar files all day and it’s getting boring and tiring.

“I’ll do refills on coffee. Gimme your mugs.”

You say, letting them pile different sizes of cups and mugs in your arms. You saunter over to the coffee machine and set them on the counter.

You set the pot for a lot of coffee and quickly dash to Hotch’s office, where him and Rossi are.

“Yo, I’m making coffee, y’all need refills?”

They shake their heads and you shrug, returning to the coffee machine and pouring the coffee in the mugs before adding cream and sugar.

“How much sugar tonight Reid?”

You ask, turning to the tall doctor with a smirk. Luckily, you and your team are the only people left in the bullpen so you can be as loud as you want.

“A lot.”

You snort, grabbing the box of sugar and piling it in, almost emptying it before putting it on the shelf and making a few trips to distribute the coffee.

“Here you are Spencer, sugar with some coffee on the side.”

You chuckle, sitting in your chair again and picking a new file up, only to find that this was the last file.

“Oh. Anyone else wanna give me files? I’m on my last one.”

Morgan and Emily immediately run up to you with files, dropping them on your desk and thanking you. It made you laugh, watching smiles grown on their faces.

“Okay team. We’re almost finished. Just a little bit more now.”

(SEXUAL THEMES BEYOND THIS POINT)

A few hours later you, Spencer, Rossi, and Hotch are finished with your stacks, waiting for the other three with Penelope, discussing bars to go to.

“Oooo there’s a new one downtown, we should go there.”

“Can you guys hold back your alcohol talk until tonight please? I just wanna get out of here fast and maybe get lucky tonight.”

Emily pleads, making you and the other women go “oooo” while the men groan.

“Oh boy you are right Em. I haven’t gotten laid in so long. Too long.”

You say, leaning back in your chair and looking at a flabbergasted Penelope.

“How long?”

She asks, staring at you in disbelief. You were a very beautiful woman (Don’t you fucking dare say otherwise) so people often assumed you had sex often. You weren’t private about it either. So what if people judged you? Sex is natural and anyone who says otherwise is selling something.

“Since my first time in middle school. I had a delusion that sex was gonna be this amazing thing and then it was actually terrible. I gave up all hope and never slept with anyone ever again. So you know, it is what it is.”

Everyone looked at you in shock, confused as to how you went your whole life without sex.

“Wait really?”

Morgan questions, his attention dropping from the files to you in an instant. Spencer simply stared at you in disbelief, his expression suddenly making you nervous.

“Y-yeah. I haven't had sex since middle school. It isn’t a big deal.”

You defend, but Penelope wraps an arm around you, pulling you close.

“Oh honey I’m definitely finding you someone to take home.”

“Hey, at least you had your first time, unlike pretty boy over here.”

Morgan teases, messing with Spencer’s hair. Spencer was often teased for being a virgin, but none of you knew what to believe. He said he wasn’t, but refused to tell even Morgan about any of his times.

“How many times do I have to tell you guys, I’m not a virgin!”

“Then tell us about one time.”

Morgan says, a wide smirk on his face at the disheveled state of the genius doctor. Poor Reid just wanted to be left alone but Morgan will not let this go.

“Morgan. Not all of us are public about our sex lives like you bud. Sometimes I wish you were as secretive as Reid. None of us want to hear about how you “got it on”.”

Morgan grimaces, and Spencer looks to you thankfully.

“C’mon Y/N, you aren’t even a little curious?”

Emily asks from her desk, finally finishing up the last file with JJ. You shrug, playing with your hair briefly.

“Of course I’m super curious, but, unlike you lust goblins, I stand with Hotch and Rossi and don’t want to make him uncomfortable.”

Various groans come from the team as you fist-bump Hotch and Rossi, laughing at their defeat.

When Morgan finally finishes, you all head to the new bar downtown, smiling at the flashing lights of the dance floor and immediately going to a small table with the rest of the team.

“Oh hells yes! This place is already fun!”

Penelope squeals, waving a worker over to get food. Morgan sits next to you, Emily on your other side and Spencer is next to Morgan and Hotch.

“Alright my baby’s we are partying until Y/N gets lucky!”

You chuckle at Penelope’s words, raising a glass of water to your lips and taking a big swig of it before looking around. The people in there were definitely attractive, but your mind never swayed from a certain genius.

You meant it when you said you were curious, your mind had always wandered to certain images when you went to sleep, constantly imagining what he would be like.

You’re mind was so easily destroyed by him. All of your thoughts contorted by him. To the point where you can’t imagine sleeping with any of these other people, but you’re scared to ruin your friendship with him by trying to sleep with him.

“Ah guys. I’m fine. I don’t want to sleep with someone I don’t know.”

Morgan groans, nudging your side and making you laugh.

A few hours later, Spencer has abandoned ship and went to the bathroom, leaving you alone with the rest of the team as you eat some wings.

“Oh my god I know how to figure out if Reid’s a virgin or not!”

Penelope shouts, you look at her excited face, just smirking as she squeals.

“And what is your plan?”

“One of us hooks up with him!”

You all choke on your food and drinks, staring at her in shock.

“I’m sorry what? Did you just say-”

“Actually that’s not a bad idea.”

Hotch cuts you off. You turn to his smirking face in shock. Never in a million years would you have thought that Aaron Hotchner thought one of you sleeping with Reid is a good idea.

“Hotch! Wouldn’t that like, mess with work or something?”

He shrugs, turning to you and smirking.

“What can I say? I’m curious too.”

You sigh, chuckling a bit and shaking your head.

“I say Y/N does it.”

“What?”

“Yeah! Y/N is single and hasn’t gotten laid in a while, it’s perfect!”

“Guys no I-”

“Oh my god you’re right! Plus there’s plenty of sexual tension between the two of them.”

You sigh, knowing they won’t let up until this happens. When the team wants something, they make it happen.

“Okay guys, I didn’t sign up for this, I’m not your test dummy.”

You say, putting your wings down on the plate in front of you and looking around at them all.

“Please girly? Pretty please?”

Morgan begs, clutching your hand tightly and shaking it up and down like a child who wants a toy.

“Y/N, I will make sure you get a raise in your paycheck.”

You stop and think about it for a second.

It could ruin your relationship with him forever, then again, he’s the type to forgive and forget when it comes to his friends.

And if it did work out, then things could be awkward between the two of you for a long time, or worse, he’d regret it. And like all the things he regrets, he’d ignore you until you disappeared.

And the worst you can think of, you take his virginity. Not someone he loves, not his girlfriend or wife, you. His bestfriend and co-worker.

But still, just that small percentage that everything might go completely right and you might even get a second time with him makes it feels like it might be worth it.

“Okay fine. But I don’t want a raise. If I’m doing this it’s because I want to.”

They all cheer and you just smile, taking a swig of beer before motioning for Morgan to switch seats with you so that when Spencer comes back he’ll be next to you.

Within a few minutes Spencer returns and you feel a heat travel up your neck as you look at him. He turned to you and smiled, sending shivers up your spine as you smiled back.

“Why’d you switch places?”

He asks, you turn to Morgan for help, pleading him to come up with a fake story.

“Emily kept poking her so she told me to switch.”

He says, you practically glare daggers at him, but you go with it, turning back to Spencer and nodding with a smile.

“Yep, so now, you are stuck with me.”

You joke, trying to ease the dusty pink on your cheeks, and nudge him gently in the arm.

In a few minutes you muster up the courage to let your hand travel off of the counter and onto Spencer’s thigh, feeling your entire face go crimson at the feeling of the hard muscle.

He choked on his water briefly before looking at you, his eyebrows furrowing at the sight of your red face. You were trying to hide any emotion you felt out of embarrassment.

He didn’t say anything though, you’re hand felt warm against the cool breeze of the bar, and he wasn’t opposed to your touch whatsoever.

Everyone continued talking and laughing as your hand inched upwards, and you could feel his body tense up every once in a while, and every time he did, you paused, giving him a moment to push your hand away or tell you to stop, but he didn’t. Not even when you began massaging and squeezing the muscle in your hands.

In fact, he at some point grabbed your hand and positioned it right above his own cock. You weren’t touching it yet, just hovering in slight fear.

He wants this.

You thought before slowly lowering your hand, your eyes widening at the feeling of his semi hard and fairly large cock. What the hell were you getting yourself into?

You glance at him quickly, only to find him staring straight back at you with lust lidded eyes. They were intimidating, almost scary. Usually you would have hated to be on the receiving end of this glare, but in this context, it made you feel like a match had been lit inside of you and you were just left there with a lit match inside of you.

The moment you squeezed your hands just slightly, he abruptly stood up, your hand falling from his crotch. Everyone looks at him in shock as he yanks you up.

“I need to talk to you.”

Is all he says before dragging you away. You only had a split second to turn and see the teams faces, but they were all pretty much the same.

A shit eating smile with wiggling eyebrows.

From the moment you were yanked into the private room with Spencer, you were super nervous. It had been years, you were inexperienced. What if he didn’t like it? What if he left because you were bad at it?

He seemed to notice your panicked state and sat you down on the bed, crouching in front of you and taking your hands in his.

“Hey, we don’t have to do this. As much as I would love to prove to you that I really am not a virgin, I don’t want you to be uncomfortable. But if you say yes, I will pillage your body to the point that you can’t walk next week.”

Well shit, now you were fully convinced and super turned on. You had thought he was vanilla, or maybe even a bottom, but oh wow you were so wrong.

“Do it.”

Those were the only two words needed for Spencer Reid to pounce, and your plane of vision was knocked over, now laying on your back as he traps you under his body.

His lips are everywhere. They’re on yours at first, but they travel to your jaw, your neck, and his lengthy fingers work at the buttons on your dress shirt rapidly.

“Shit Spencer...”

You whine out as he works his hands across your body. They feel like fire against your skin. His lips are wet and messy, kissing and marking your neck for the world to see.

You grip his shirt, tugging at it and opening your mouth to speak, but a moan slips out instead. You shut your eyes in embarrassment as you feel his lips curl upwards on your collarbone, the suckling feeling feeling so warm and tingly.

“What is it baby? You want me to take my shirt off? huh?”

You nod eagerly, chest rising and falling quickly as he raises his body off of yours, and you open your heavy eyes to see him strip off his shirt. He isn’t muscly, but he’s perfect, he looks perfect.

“What do you want baby?”

You stumble over your words, your mind already fuzzy somehow by just his lips.

“You. I want you. Please Spencer I want you.”

You beg, your hands travelling up his torso and feeling his soft skin. He leans down again, towering over you and smashing his lips on your while his hands work on getting your pants off.

His lips were safe, careful. Not aggressive, and his tongue that tasted the inside of your mouth was warm and loving, savoring your taste as you whined into his.

He was smiling so widely against your skin, his pride booming at the way you reacted to his touch. He never once thought he could get you to react like this.

“You just wanted to see if I was a virgin huh? You curious?”

You nod and shake your head, confused on why you were doing this as well. You wanted this so much it almost hurt, you’ve wanted this since day one. You were also really curious as well though.

“You know what they say.”

He leans into your ear, kissing your neck and biting your ear.

“Curiosity killed the cat.”

You felt his fingers rub at your clothed pussy, your black cloth panties preventing him from fucking you with his fingers. His fingers rub against your clit, the cotton creating friction on it as well.

“Please Spencer! Please please please!”

You beg, feeling his breath land on your cold skin in a way that felt so raw and rigid. He tugs at your panties, freeing your cunt as a finger rubs against your clit, the bundle of nerves jolting you up.

A loud moan escapes your lips as he continues circling your clit with his long fingers, His lips kissing your open ones.

Two fingers probe into you, scissoring themselves inside of you. You groan into his mouth as they curl upwards into your wet cunt.

“Shit!”

He moves his head between your thighs, licking a wet stripe up your clit, flicking it around as you moan at the sensitive feeling. It feels like electricity lighting up the sensitive nub.

A pressure builds between your legs, a spring coiling in your stomach as he suckles on your clit, fucking you fast with his fingers.

“Spencer! I’m gonna- I’m gonna cum!”

“Do it.”

It hits you like a fiery clap of thunder, the feeling so extreme and hot it almost makes you scream and you can only hope no one heard you over the music outside.

Your breathing is labored as your high dies down, but Spencer doesn’t let up, he flips you over onto your stomach, dragging you to your knees by your hips.

“Wha-”

You get cut off by your own moan of pain, the tip of his cock slowly being pressed into your tight and wet cunt.

“It’ll get better baby, I’ll go slow, I promise. Just tell me when you want me to go, and when you want me to stop. Okay?”

You nod against the pillow under your face, tears slipping out of the corners of your eyes. A hand lands on your ass, making you yelp at the rough feeling.

“Words baby.”

You moan, palming the sheets with your fists as he pulls out completely, leaving you to feel empty.

“Okay! Please Spencer! Please I need you!”

You could practically feel his pride rolling off of him as he pushes into your sex slowly, filling you up fully.

It’s a stinging feeling, as if you were being torn apart. But he waits, he let’s you adjust to his girthy size before moving. He really was gentle. You hadn’t expected him to be rough exactly, but he was shockingly gentle and patient.

Eventually, you got used to the feeling, it felt so satisfying as well. The feeling of being so full and warm was so pleasuring, it sent little jolts of pleasure up your spine and out your mouth, making Spencer smirk.

“You’re so tight for me. You so curious you let me fuck you huh? So eager?”

You nod, burying your face into the pillows. You want him to move, to fuck you until you break, but words won’t come out, so you move your hips forwards, letting part of him slip out of you before moving him back into your dripping cunt.

A loud groan escapes both of your lips at the feeling, his hand lands on your ass again, reddening it before taking the hint and thrusting into you carefully.

“Oh... Holy crap!”

You moan out as he continues to clench your hips, surely leaving bruises tomorrow. His thrusts remained slow and deep, but it felt just right. He let his hands wander, travelling up and down your body.

His fingers find your bra, unclipping it and letting it fall off. Your breasts move to the rhythm of his thrusts.

“Faster... Please Spencer faster!”

“What’s that my little slut? You want more? You gonna be a greedy little slut?”

You could feel your cheeks become a dark crimson color, slightly embarrassed at the degrading language he was using, but you nod nonetheless, wanting him to pound into you shamelessly.

“Very well. What a dirty slut wants, she gets.”

His pace quickens suddenly, each thrust into you sharp and hitting into you just right. Loud moans escape both yours and Spencer’s lips, the room becoming sweaty and sticky quickly.

“This want you want you whore? You just want to be fucked like a cheap whore?”

Pointless babbles fall out of your mouth, quiet “Yes” and “I’m your cheap whore” being mumbled as he pounded into from behind.

A gasp escapes your lips as he lands another smack to your ass, leaving a burning sensation that felt so damn pleasurable after the initial sting.

A familiar pressure builds up between your thighs again, Your legs trembling under the Thunderous feeling of your orgasm washing over your entire body.

You had thought that two orgasms would have been enough for him, but he doesn’t let up, even flipping you back over and thrusting into you harder.

“S-Spencer!”

You gasp and squirm as his fingers find your sensitive and swollen clit, pinching and rubbing it with his thumb and index finger. It felt like a wave of nerves jolting every bone, your back arching off of the cushion underneath you.

He continues pounding into you mercilessly, admiring the way your tits bounce at his pace, the way you so desperately panted for mercy, but your body betrayed you.

If you really wanted him to get off of you, you would have made it much more clear, you would have been pushing him off more, but you were more just clutching him closer than anything, wriggling your body around.

You couldn’t form any words at this point, chasing after your third orgasm endlessly. You manage to spot the hand that isn’t abusing your clit snake its way up your body, playing and pinching your nipples briefly before wrapping itself around your neck.

Soft squeezes are delivered to your throat, making you whimper and whine, your own hands reaching his wrist for support, feeling up the vein-y muscles.

“Spencer! Spencer I’m gonna... I’m gonna cum!”

You whimper out, his hand tightens around your throat and his fingers rub your clit faster and harder, abusing the already raw nerves.

Everything felt so overwhelming. Your body was shaking aggressively each time he rubbed your swollen nub, and the feeling of him pounding into your wet cunt repeatedly slamming your sweet spot mercilessly and choking you out at the same time was so raw and powerful.

It felt unlike anything you’ve ever felt before. And with a broken moan, you came all over his cock, clenching around him and pushing him over the edge as well.

He came right inside of you, riding out his high while slowing the rubs delivered to your clit. Your insides were twitching like crazy around his sensitive cock, making him groan while watching your entire body shake.

Soon after you both came, he pulled out, letting his cum drip out of you and onto the bed, pulling your body to sit up.

“Well, did I pass your test?”

You lazily nod at his question. You panted heavily, trying to chase after your breath.

“Holy shit Spencer... That was... Wow.”

He chuckled, grabbing your clothes off of the floor and placing them next to you.

“Need help cleaning up?”

You shook your head, meeting his starstruck eyes for the first time since he choked you. They were so bright, so in awe.

“Alright, well I’m gonna head home so I don’t have to face the others. See you at work?”

“See ya.”

Twenty minutes later, Spencer had gone home and you had finished getting all of his cum out of you, and now you were fully dressed, making your way back to the others in a shell shocked state of mind.

Everyone else was trying their hardest not to laugh at the sight of your shaky legs when you stumbled into your chair, red hickies all over your neck. You sat with a blank stare in your eyes, chugging your water.

“So?”

Morgan asked, knowing the answer already but just wanting to hear it anyways.

“You were wrong.”

You managed to mumble out. Everyone broke out laughing, even Hotch and Rossi.

You continued to eat your wings, The memory of what just happened stuck on replay in your brain.

PERMANENT TAGLIST(OPEN) @pinkdiamond1016 @spencer-reids-snow-white @sheepfather @eusuntgroot @libradolan

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blessedlance · 4 years

Text

pretty baby.

[r18+]

[wc:] 4k

[cw:] sub!atsumu, softdom!reader, femdom, oral (f. receiving), riding, pegging, mommy kink, puppy kink, minor dacryphilia, collar-play, restraints

! haikyuu manga timeskip spoilers. atsumu is 24. !

a/n: oh my god i haven’t written for leisure in literally 10 years i hope this is bearable LOL. @luvsicksubs wrote a lil tidbit about sub!atsumu a while ago and i have not known peace ever since so big thank you to ari for the inspo! pls enjoi :9

Atsumu’s been gone lately. A lot.

Too much.

You know it’s not his fault. The Jackals' practices have been brutal lately. So when Atsumu does eventually trudge his way back to your shared apartment every evening, he can only muster up enough energy to shower and collapse into bed. You’ve had to wake him more than once, chiding him to get up and at least dry his hair before bed.

“You can’t afford to get yourself sick by sleeping with wet hair, ‘Tsumu.” You’d whisper, shaking him gently awake. Usually he’d just groan in response and bury himself further against your body heat beneath the comforter--unwilling to give up even a second of precious, blissful sleep. You’d even gone so far as to physically pull his heavy, six foot athlete’s body out of the bed and into the bathroom to dry it for him once or twice.

It’s for his health, you reason. You can afford to pamper him a little--especially when he’s been working so hard. And the way his body slumps while he sits, his features softening--long eyelashes kissing the tops of his cheeks as he dozes off into half-sleep at the feel of your fingers tussling his hair with the gentle heat of the blow dryer… He becomes so soft in those moments, like putty in your hands.

It’s dangerous, because it makes you crave the sight of him like this--fragile and reliant on the comfort of your touch--even more.

You sigh. Reminding yourself again, for seemingly the millionth time since this excessive practicing for the championships started,

‘It’s not his fault.’

He’s been good. So, so good. Trying so hard to make sure you know he loves you and he’s sorry. Texting you to check in whenever he has the chance.

> how are you today?

> how’s work going??

> what’s for lunch??? ლ(≧ڡ≦ლ)

Sometimes sending videos of himself and Hinata hashing out new plays (only the ones they’ve mastered, though. You may be intimately familiar with every embarrassing piece of him, but he still wants to try to look cool in front of his girlfriend.)

And it helps. It really does. But you also know the texts are just as much for his own sake as they are for yours. You know how needy Atsumu gets when you two are apart.

You remember the time he’d called you from his hotel room after an away game in Tokyo. How he whined into the phone at the sound of your voice when you whispered.

“Touch yourself for me.”

The way a soft cry escaped him at your command--your name leaving his lips with a breath.

You want to feel him like that again. To see him beneath you, squirming and desperate--begging for you to just touch him, just sit on his face, his cock, anything you want just please--

You abruptly stop your line of thinking--not daring to continue dwelling on this recurring fantasy. Atsumu doesn’t deserve the punishment you crave to dole out on him to relieve this frustration.

… But he might want it.

Championships are tomorrow. Just 24 hours stand between you and the feeling of Atsumu Miya’s taut muscles beneath your fingertips.

You take a breath, summoning the remnants of your willpower.

You could do this. You would make certain that the wait would be worth it.

For both of you.

---

The Black Jackals win their first match because of course they do. Honestly, sometimes you feel a bit bad for the opposing teams. Their skill, their teamwork, their passion, their absolute willpower to win is stifling. Atsumu texts you that they’re going out for celebratory dinner and drinks. Bokuto’s idea. (Obviously). He promises he’ll be home as soon as he can. They’ve all got tomorrow morning off, and a whole day before the next round of matches. Some indulgence is well-deserved.

You type out your reply.

> Take your time and enjoy yourself! You’ve earned it. 💕

Knowing you’ve got at least two hours or more before the boys’ exhaustion ushers them all home, you decide to spend some time... preparing.

You’re reclined on the couch, watching something you can comfortably give your half-assed attention to while scrolling on your phone. You hear the front door unlocking, the handle turning, and your heart leaps into your throat. The thought of finally, finally having Astumu all to yourself makes you absolutely giddy.

You turn expectantly, and can’t help the way your lips curl upward into a smile.

Atsumu pushes the door open and turns toward you, already smiling when he opens his mouth.

“Hey.” You murmur.

“Hey.” He breathes back, and you watch the way his features relax at the sight of you. The way the confident, assiduous Atsumu Miya--a man who wakes up every single day and strives for perfection in everything and every one---melts into something softer.

Something that’s silently begging for you to tear him apart and piece him back together again.

He slips off his shoes, drops his gym bag to the floor, and brings his long, heavy body to lay over yours on the couch.

His face--tinted pink (presumably from the drinks)--buries itself against your neck, lips pressed to your skin.

Your fingers assume their familiar position, nestled in the blonde locks atop his head.

“Missed you…” You say lowly against his ear.

The small shiver that runs down his spine does not escape your notice.

“I’ve been here every night!” He protests.

“You know what I mean.” Your fingers press against his head, tugging on the strands the slightest bit.

“Mmm…” He affirms softly--your skin keenly feeling the gentle hum against its surface. He knows what you mean. He’s been here, yes, but it’s felt more like the ghost of him--wisping into your bed for a few hours and gone again in the morning.

“You were really in the zone today.” You comment. “I felt bad for the other team.”

He huffs out a small laugh. “Don’t. They played fine. We were just better.”

“Hmm…” You take your unoccupied hand and run a single finger up the curve of his spine.

He exhales, and you listen for the tremble in his breath you know will be there.

Just a little more.

“Either way, you were so good.” You can’t contain the coy lilt your voice takes on. You know damn well what you’re doing--using the very words that always make him quiver. He knows what you’re doing, too.

Atsumu thinks he doesn’t mind.

It’s quiet for a beat. The two of you simply basking in the warmth of your bodies pressed against each other. You stretch beneath him, and… readjust yourself in a way that presses your breasts against him just a little bit more...

And Atsumu finally, finally breaks.

He inhales sharply, and lets the subsequent exhale freely pass against your neck. A muffled word that sounds a lot like a plea leaves his throat.

“What was that?” You ask, purposely grazing your lips against his reddening ear.

“Please…” He begs.

You consider being mean for a moment. Consider pushing him to his limit in desperation. The way those sharp brown eyes would turn glassy and tearful, his dark brows pulled together, pleading you to hurry up and take him--touch him--let him touch you--fucking anything. However you want, wherever you want. Make him vocalize that burning desire, and only concede when he well and truly begs.

But that can always be arranged another time.

You’re far too heady with desire yourself to enact such cruelty on him right now. Not after he’s been so good.

You shift your weight, moving to switch your positions by sitting up and pressing him beneath you. Your straddle his hips, purposely pressing your weight down against his pelvis ever-so-slightly.

“You’ve been working so hard, ‘Tsumu…” You murmur, lowering the top half of your body to lean over his. Hands sliding under the hem of his shirt, running up along the taut muscles that tremble at your touch. “Such a good boy…”

Atsumu’s bites his lip in an effort to stifle the deep moan that leaves his chest. The way his body almost involuntarily reacts to that phrase every. single. time… It’s just too good to pass up.

You wet your lips.

“Let me make you feel good.”

And you press those lips ever-so-softly to the juncture between his jaw and neck. Soft touch turning to a light bite, and then back to a soothing kiss.

Atsumu is crumbling--his hardening length pressing insistently against you.

“I got everything ready. We can use whatever you want: rope,” and you press a slow open-mouth kiss to his neck,

“your collar,” then one to his collarbone,

“a toy,” traveling down to his pecs,

“the strap…” ending just beneath his belly button.

You look up at him from beneath your lashes, watching keenly for his expression to shift in interest at any certain one.

Atsumu doesn’t give an immediate answer, his gaze unable to meet your own. Your hands trail back down his body, grazing a nipple with your fingernail just to see the way he twitches at the sensation.

“C’mon baby, how am I supposed to treat my good boy if he doesn’t tell me what he wants?” You purr, bringing your hands to the hem of the worn, oversized t-shirt covering your top half down to the juncture of your thighs. You’d snatched it from his dresser earlier to lounge in. Another carefully plotted detail. You knew just how riled up he got at the sight of you wearing his shirts. Even more so if he lifted it only to find those black and gold lacy panties underneath… Or if there was nothing…

Stretching your body, you pull the shirt up and off of your torso, tossing it aimlessly behind you. Atsumu’s gaze immediately returns to you--spotting that very set’s match: a black bra with intricate gold stitching around the lace adorning your skin. His hands are on you in an instant--palms sliding up your ribs to reach your breasts and gently squeezing around them.

Astumu had never been good with the concept of patience.

Normally, you’d stop those big, calloused setter hands in their tracks--admonishing him for not asking permission, first. But this was about him. About fulfilling every whim his exhausted mind and body had the energy left to want. You could allow a little insubordination tonight.

“You even wore my favorite.” He grins, that cheeky, self important tone of his sneaking back out. You smile coyly and tilt your hips downward, pressing your bare core against his still-restrained cock. He inhales sharply--dropping the attitude once more.

“Part of the reward.” You grin. “Now, what does my good boy want?”

His eyes drift upwards from their fixation on your breasts, meeting your gaze.

“I want…” He bites his lip. “Wanna make you feel good.”

Your eyes widen at the admission, but he’s speaking again before you can inquire.

“You’re always so patient with me when practice gets like this. I just want to... To give you a reward, too.”

You’re taken aback for a beat, pleasantly surprised at the acknowledgement. Atsumu still manages to surprise you with how observant he is. One of the more unexpected traits he shares with Osamu. Your eyes soften and you reach up to gently cup his face. He turns his head to kiss your hand and murmurs against your palm.

"Let me taste you. Please."

He knows how you get when he’s busy like this. How--despite your authority and confidence in the bedroom--you still long for his affection and crave his touch when he’s gone.

And this… This is the perfect way for him to express his gratitude while still pleasing both of you.

“Okay.” You breathe, moving to kneel over his face. “Whatever you want,” you gently drop your weight toward his mouth. “my sweet boy.”

He practically preens at the praise, moaning against your core. Again, Atsumu demonstrates his struggle with patience and savoring the moment. In an instant, he’s gripping your thighs and pulling them closer against the sides of his face. You know you could sit your entire weight atop him and he’d thank you, but tonight calls for something gentler. It’s enough to know you’re the only person who gets to see him like this. The only one who gets to watch the diligent, cocksure Astumu Miya, one of--if not the--best setters in Japan, become so vulnerable and desperate beneath you.

He flattens his tongue and runs it slowly up from the start of your opening to the top of your clit.

“Fuck, ‘Tsumu…” You moan, hands rushing to grasp at his hair. He groans, too, at the sensation of your fingers tugging--the hum sending a vibration through your body. You grind your hips, silently urging him on, and his tongue laves at your clit with small kitten licks. The feeling of those tiny, gentle laps against your most sensitive spot, so diligent and soft--it’s like electricity coursing through you, running up into every limb.

“Mmhmm.” He hums against you. He knows just how you like it. When he services you like this--like the obedient puppy he is. “So wet… Y’taste s’good...” He says, hot breath fanning against you while he catches his breath for a moment.

You press yourself back against him insistently. “Who said you could take a break? Use your fingers, too.”

His mouth is back against you immediately, right hand sliding beneath your thigh to reach your opening. Carefully, he presses two fingers against it--testing the give, while his tongue continues to lick and suck at that sensitive nub. Spit has dribbled down from his mouth to where his fingers are pressed, and he slides his digits against the wetness, adding to the natural lubricant. Then, finally, he pushes those long middle and ring fingers up and into you. They slide in easily despite the way you feel yourself clench around the intrusion. He was right--you’re soaked. He finds a comfortable rhythm to compliment his tongue’s lashings easily and your head falls back, a deep moan escaping past your lips.

“‘Tsumu… ‘Tsumu, fuck just like that--you do it so well for me, baby… Right there--”

You’re cut off by the feeling of his fingers curling within you--searching, and then pressing against that spot so nicely.

Your thigh muscles twitch against his cheeks--breath fleeing from your lungs at the sudden rush.

“Yes, ‘Tsumu--fuck yes.”

You chance a look down at his face. Those long lashes closed, brows knit together in concentration while he pleasures you. Atsumu’s a pretty boy, but you think he’s prettiest like this.

Fuck, you want more of that desperate expression. Want to edge him over and over until he’s drooling and can’t remember his own fucking name.

You’re getting close. That climbing ecstasy rising dangerously high within you. You pull yourself off him before you can climb too high, and the release of suction from his mouth makes a small, wet pop.

“You eat it so well, baby. So, so good for me, pretty boy.” You coo, caressing the sides of his face. His lips are pink and wet and you return your hips to their place atop his length. His lip wobbles with a whimper, back arching against you in search of more.

“I think you’ve earned your reward now, don’t you?” Your eyelids fall, half-closed seductively while you lean your chest toward his face. You reach behind your back and release the clasp of your bra. His hands tighten themselves into fists, trying to restrain the urge to reach up and touch. The fingers of your left hand splay out against his chest, holding your weight, while the right moves down to pull off his boxer briefs. Then, your wet folds are sliding against his erect, bare, length. Slowly, up and down.

“Mmm please can I--can I touch--”

You interrupt him with a small lick against those still-wet lips and chuckle quietly to yourself.

Oh, so now he’s ready to ask first?

“You can.” You affirm, reaching down to line him up with your entrance. His breath is coming harder now, those hardened pecs rising and falling beneath you. The anticipation is rapidly unraveling him. Atsumu’s hands are on your back, tugging your chest back down towards him. As they slide forward around your ribcage to grasp your breasts, his gaze flits up to you.

“Can I--?”

“Mmhmm.” You nod--knowing what he wants. His mouth closes around your nipple, sucking with that perfect amount of harshness to tighten the coiling pressure in your lower body. His tip rests right against your opening. You can see the precum dribbling out of him--can feel the way he’s pushing himself slightly further up--desperate to get inside. Were this any other time, you’d reprimand him for such impertinence. Tie his hands above his head and deny him completely. ‘And you were being so good, too, asking permission and everything. You wanna be inside that bad, maybe I should remind you how it feels to be on the receiving end, hmm?’

But, honestly, he’d nearly tipped you over the edge with just his mouth earlier. You were becoming impatient, yourself.

Finally, blessedly, you sink yourself down onto his cock, revelling in the way his mouth falls open and his head flings backward against the couch pillow with a cry.

“Mmm.. ‘s it that good, baby?” You tease.

“‘S been a while… So tight…” He hisses, almost like it’s too much.

“Yeah?” You tease. Your hips are gradually picking up speed. Slowly rising up, up, up, as far as you can go before it feels like he might just fall out of you, and then your hip fall again, taking his full length deep inside.

“‘Tsumu…” You say, rising back up again. “I wanted to pamper you tonight... “ and you slide back down. “Give my cute, sweet boy a reward for all his hard work.”

Atsumu keens, whimpering beneath you.

“But I think I wanna be a little selfish, too.” You breathe, leaning in close enough for your breath to fan against his face. “Is that ok baby?”

A high pitched moan leaves Atsumu’s throat, and you clench around him.

“Yes…” He sighs between ragged breaths. “Yes... Please, I--”

“Please, what?” You interrupt him.

“P-please…” You watch his Adam's apple bob as he swallows. “Please, mommy…”

“Ohhhhh, that’s my good boy.” You moan, restarting the rise and fall motion of your cunt around him. “Gonna make you feel so good. Just the way you deserve, ‘Tsumu. But you have to promise you won’t cum until I say so, mmk?” You’re holding his face, running your right index finger along the line of his jaw with a feather-light touch.

And Astumu Miya shudders beneath you, staring up in reverence. The way those big brown watery eyes look at you… He’d look so cute with a collar clasped around his neck right now.

He nods. “I--I won’t. I promise. Please.”

Your hand moves up to stroke his hair softly. “Good boy.”

You restraighten your back in your seated position atop him. Your hands come to rest against his chest for leverage, and you begin riding him in earnest. Atsumu’s eyelids fall closed again, head thrown back while his mouth hangs open in pleasure.

“Is this what you wanted ‘Tsumu? Just want to feel me fuck myself on you until I’m satisfied?” You tease as you bounce. You slow to almost a halt and grind your hips in a circle, feeling the way his cock buries itself to the hilt. Atsumu’s hands are balled into tight fists against the couch. He’s moaning freely now--little cries escaping him as your cunt eagerly swallows him down over and over and over again.

“So good… You’re so good inside me, ‘Tsumu. Stretching me out so much every time. I know you know how good that feels.”

“Ahnn--!” He keens at the memory. The way your soft hands had pressed his legs up against his chest. Wetness from the lube dripping down so tantalizingly slow between his ass cheeks. The cock of your strap buried within him. How utterly full he had felt, stretched around it while you softly cooed praises at him, stroking his cock.

Fuck he wanted to cum like that again.

More than that, he just wanted to cum. His hands clench and unclench--mouth hanging open while he revels in memory--in the feeling of your tight, wet, heat sliding up and down him just how he likes--how he needs.

“I told you it was OK to touch, baby.” You reach down to grasp his hands with your own, bringing them to rest on your hips. “Hold onto me while I fuck myself on you.” You whisper.

Atsumu’s eyes open at that, watching your body bounce on him. HIs left hand hastily comes up to grasp a breast, relishing the feel of the soft, pliable skin in his grasp.

You gasp lightly at the sensation of his hand grazing your sensitive nipple. “Fuck yeah. So good for me baby--so good. Gonna make you cum in me like this--”

Atsumu’s head falls back against the cushions again, his expression knotted in pleasure. “You feel so good. So good… Please… Please I’m-- Ahh!-- I’m getting close.”

“Aww you’re close already? You wanna cum baby?” You shouldn’t tease. You know you’re close, too. That cresting peak getting closer and closer with every push of his cock into your deepest places. Your breath is ragged from the exertion of your body. You reach behind you blindly, refusing to miss an instant of Atsumu’s delicious expression. Eventually, you find the small bullet vibrator you’d stashed beneath the cushions earlier. You bring the toy to your clit and immediately feel it; that powerful wave looming just behind--threatening to take you over the edge. You steele yourself the best you can, inhaling deeply.

Atsumu slides his eyes open at the sound and unleashes the mostly ungodly, moan. His voice trembles when he speaks.

“Can I--can I come? Please--please baby let me come. Let me come.” His hands hold fast to your hips, grip growing steadily tighter as the sensations continue to climb. Faster now--exponentially faster. He’s not sure he could stop if he wanted to.

“Mmmm hearing you beg like that… Good boy. You can cum, baby. I’ll even cum with you for being so good. Go ahead. Cum in this tight pussy.” Your words are rushed, breath catching here and there. “Give it to me.”

And Atsumu shatters.

The way his cry lilts up--high-pitched and unabashed. That wave crashing into him so hard and so completely it takes you down under with him. Atsumu’s mind is empty. Nothing but blinding white as he expends everything he has in him in an instant. His name spills past your lips over and over like a mantra while you ride out your high. The two of you so in-sync, it feels as though your cunt convulses in time with his every pulse. Everything feels so, astonishingly good and intimate.

You’re both breathing heavily, eyes shut tight as that shared bliss slowly dissipates. You let yourself come down to rest on his chest. It’s suddenly very quiet save for your shared breaths. Eventually you rise onto your elbows, face directly over his.

“I love you…” Atsumu murmurs, eyes slightly flitting about while he studies the intricacies of your face. He memorized them all long ago, but even in this he is never sated. Your eyes soften, chest fluttering at his tone: so tender and soft.

“I love you, too.” You say, gently caressing his face. “So much.”

Atsumu can’t help the smile spreading across his face. In one quick motion, his arms are around your neck and tugging your face down toward him. His head tilts, lips melding themselves against yours when they make contact. The kiss is unusually tender, his lips trying to convey what his words cannot: how he is so thankful and lucky to have you. You, who understands how dear his passion, his career, is to him yet helps him remain grounded so that it does not consume him entirely. You, who remains so, so patient when he is away. You, who is always there to help him take care of himself when he is too busy or exhausted. You, who holds him when he finally fractures under the stress of giving his everything all the time--and who helps him put his pieces back together again and get back at it.

Your head returns to its resting place on his chest. His heartbeat steady beneath you, lulling you to sleep. You both need to get up, clean up, and get into your actual bed, but the bliss of finally feeling Atsumu’s hard body beneath you. Knowing it is completely yours, at least for a short while… You don’t want to relinquish it for even a second.

There’s another beat of silence before you speak.

“Wanna go to ‘Samu’s and get tuna tomorrow?” You ask.

Atsumu groans his approval loudly--so much so one would think he hadn’t just finished a massive meal with the Jackals. That signature cheeky grin returns to his face.

“Oh my god I love you.”

#atsumu x reader #atsumu x y/n #sub!atsumu #atsumu smut #haikyuu smut #atsumu such a lil bastard i wanna take him down a peg if u kno what i mean ;)))#miya atsumu

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ericspinkhair · 3 years

Text

guys my age don’t know how to love me good

pairing: dom!juyeon x noona!reader

synopsis: lee juyeon is the only guy who makes sex worth it

word count: 3.1k

warnings: noona kink, mentions of toxic and abusive sex, deep throating, no mentions of protection (wrap it before you tap it), inexperienced/unsure reader

a/n: this is for @rolezeure + anon

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masterlist + requests

'y/n, I swear to god if you won't come to this party with me I will actually never talk to you ever again. you know what this is?' your best friend siyeon dramatically held up a pair of scissors. 'scissors, to cut our friendship.'

'but what am I supposed to even do there?' you scoffed. parties were stupid 'I don't know how to talk to people.'

'you don't need to talk, dumbass. you get drunk, grind on some hot dude and get laid.' siyeon rolled her eyes as she was so done with you.

'as if that is supposed to convince me to go. sex is completely overraded, my dude. it just hurts and the guys don't even care. as long as they get off on you it's fine.' you had not have had any positive experiences with sex. it usually hurt, the guys were rough and didn't really care if you were crying. there wasn't any pleasure you associated with it.

'that's cause you've been with only toxic men. but please, come with me! it's way too awkward to go alone and I need a hype woman. Sangyeon will be there. I cannot miss the opportunity to get with mr. dilf. have you seen him? he is sooo hot, y/n. I might never have another opportunity like this. and I need a lot of alcohol in my system first before I can initiate something,' she whined. she gave you the best puppy eyes she could to make you give in.

you knew your friend had been eyeing sangyeon for weeks. siyeon had tripped the first time she saw him and had to wipe away the drool from her chin. she then memorized his schedule and you would always have to watch him from afar. however, she could not utter a single comprehensible sentence without alcohol if she was nervous but when she was drunk she was the most sociable and flirty person and always got with whom she wanted.

sangyeon was usually never to be found at parties but this particular one was for his friend's birthday so siyeon knew he would show up. who knows if she would ever see him again, after all, he had just graduated from college and would be leaving campus. this was her last opportunity. you sighed.

'fine,' you finally gave in. she squealed and hugged you so tightly that you had trouble breathing.

'omg, I love you so much, y/n! you're a lifesaver. I owe you big big time.'

'you certainly do.'

you tried to convince yourself that maybe a party was just what you needed. finals were finally over and you were on your well deserved break before you started your last year of college.

a week later, the two of you took a cab to the party location. you arrived at a huge mansion that must have cost a huge ton of money. it felt like thousands of people were there, getting drunk and going skinny dipping in the gigantic pool. you recognized some of the people. you didn't really know them but you often saw them walk around on campus.

when you entered the house some dudes whistled at you. ew. you definitely had to get a drink to be able to stand all these gross men lurking around here. at least you had your pepper spray with you. better safe than sorry.

siyeon and you found the bar and immediately downed a couple of shots. the alcohol burned in your throat as you drank one after the other. your friend needed the effects alcohol brings with it quickly.

'have you found him already?' you scream over the music at siyeon.

'no, he's nowhere to be seen… maybe he's not here at all' she was pouting.

I grabbed her by the arm. 'come on. let's go search for him somewhere else. hmm, maybe he's outside?' you dragged her through the mass of people. she was gonna get laid tonight, you were gonna make sure of it.

the backyard was just as crowded but at least you got some fresh air. a lot of people were grinding on each and making out in the pool and hot tub.

'oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. he's there!' siyeon whisper shouted at you.

'where?' you couldn't find him in the crowd.

'over there next to the huge ass plant. he's standing next to jacob.' ah, you saw him. him and jacob were engaged in a deep conversation and occasionally sipped on their drinks.

siyeon just grabbed a drink out of a passing person's hand, ignore the complains and drank it all in one go.

'I need more.' so you went to get more alcohol before you could convince her that now was the time.

'how do I look? is my makeup smudged? do I look enough like 'daddy, I've been a good girl. pls choke me?' she kept on trying to flatten her hair hastily.

'you look absolutely gorgeous, girl. go get him, tiger.' she did look stunning. the red lipstick matched with her bold red dress. it was short and showed a lot of cleavage. her beautiful curves were perfectly highlighted and if sangyeon didn't drool over her then you would seriously have to buy him new eyes.

you high-fived each other and then she went to go on her mission.

you watched how he scanned her up and down, taking in her beauty, when she approached him and then smiled brightly. she touched his muscular arms as he said something that made her laugh. he seemed to be enjoying her company jacob, who had understood what was going on, had joined his other friends kevin and eric on the dance floor inside.

'who are we spying on?' someone whispered in your ear, making you jump and almost spill your drink. rude.

'oh, seeing if my best friend's gonna get laid tonight like she'd hoped to. seems positive so far.' the guy who had come up to you nodded interested. you had no idea who he was but you didn't exactly mind his company. he was a handsome fellow, with a face sculpted by the gods. his dark blue hair made him stand out even more.

'so what are you gonna do if she leaves with him? are you just going to leave?' he asked.

you shrugged your shoulders. 'probably. she's the only reason I came to this god awful party.'

'oh, you don't like it?' he raised his eyebrows.

'no, it's too full, it's too loud and I'm bored. who even is this guy who threw this party. I actually have no idea who he is,' you complained about everything. he seemed to become more amused as you went on.

'then allow me to introduce myself. hey, my name is juyeon.' he held out his hand.

'what does that have to do with- oh my god this is YOUR party!' you realized in shock. your face was burning with embarrassment. but he didn't seem to mind at all and just laughed light heartedly.

'yeah, I'm sorry you don't like it. if you like I could take you somewhere quieter with less people.' oh dude, he was flirting. why? you did look hot as fuck in your short black dress but you had literally just insulted his party.

'I'm sorry I'm not really up for sex or whatever it is you're offering.' you scratched your neck awkwardly. you wouldn't mind if he visited you in your dreams sometimes tho to have a good time.

'that's too bad. I was hoping I could make you feel good.' he brushed a finger over your cheek.

'I doubt you could. no one ever has.' he snorted at that.

'how old even are you?' you asked him.

'19, you don't have to worry. I'm a legal adult. you?' 'almost 21.'

'ooh, that's fun! are you sure you don't want to spend some private time with me, noona?' that was fucking unfair. he was using this noona thing to get you to give in. he knew exactly what he was doing and you could feel yourself getting aroused.

'I just don't think sex is right for me. it just hurts and doesn't do anything to make me feel good,' you explained to him.

'seems like you've only been with douchebags. I have a 100% rate of making women come. you should try and see for yourself, noona.' his lustful gaze stared deep into your soul, making your legs wobbly.

it seemed so tempting. he was super hot and couldn't help but notice the outline of his abs on his shirt. the alcohol was also encouraging you to make some bad decisions and step out of your comfort zone. this man somehow made you super horny with his toned body and god like face, whether you liked it or not. you caught yourself seriously considering going with him.

'here's a proposal. I give you head and if you're not satisfied with my services we can just stop there.' he leaned down and whispered in my ear. 'I would love to hear you scream my name, noona.'

his offer actually didn't sound too bad. juyeon might just be more skilled than the rest of the men you had slept with, who knew. you didn't have anything better to do anyways so you might as well see if he can make you feel good.

'where do we go?' you finally asked after staying silent to keep a suspenseful silence. his eyes lit up and he grabbed your hand. he led you back inside, up the stairs and into the room on the far right.

you could see posters of football player, trophies and pictures. this was obviously his room.

you didn't have much time to look around as he locked the door and kissed you

you were surprised by just how not slimy it was. usually, the guys would always try to wet your whole face and you had to wipe your mouth every other second.

but he started off soft and placed his hands on your hips. you put your arms around his neck to get closer to him and deepen the kiss.

his hands started roaming your body and when he squeezed your ass, you let out a moan. juyeon took this opportunity to slip his tongue inside your open mouth.

the kissing made you dizzy and you desperately tugged at him to get him closer to you. he picked you up and held you up against the wall. you let your hands wander under his shirt and started tracing his abs while grinding your core against him. you could feel his dick harden with your movements.

juyeon carried you to the bed and slowly let you down so you laid on your back. while he quickly took off his shirt you tried to catch your breath after the intense make out. you didn't have long to admire his muscular upper body before he lifted the dress so you were only there in your underwear.

he startes placing open mouth kiss from your collar bones, to your boobs, to your stomach until he reached the hem of your panties. he made sure to keep eye contact as he put the fabric between his teeth and slowly pulled them down like this. you felt cold air hitting your core.

'so pretty, noona,' he admired your clearly dripping pussy. he dragged one finger over your lips to see just how wet you were.

'I haven't even touched you yet but you are already so wet for me. I told you I'd make you feel good. I'll show you just how much, noona.' and with that he dove right in between your lips to prove his point. the feeling of his tongue fucking you was unfamiliar. no guy had ever even cared to get you wet and pleasure you before actually having sex.

Juyeon was desperately devouring your juices as if he hadn't drunk for ages. additionally he started massaging your clit with his thumb, knowing exactly what a woman likes. he had to hold down your hips to keep you stable because you were trying to buck up into his face as it felt so good. every time his nose came into contact with your clit while licking you felt like you were losing control.

involuntary moans were spilling out of your mouth and you could feel juyeon smirking against your core.

suddenly, he slipped a finger inside you and started slowly pumping it in and out of you. it felt a bit uncomfortable at first but you got used to it quite quickly and when he noticed, he slipped a second finger inside. damn, those were some long ass fingers.

your pussy made squelching sounds which you couldn't care less about in the moment as he rapidly fucked you with his long digits. you were pulling at his hair as he took your bud between his teeth, alternating between softly biting and sucking on it.

you suddenly couldn't take it anymore and your orgasm washed over your body like a wave and juyeon slowly continued until you had fully come down from your high.

he sat up straight again. 'I promised I could make you feel good, didn't I? god, you look so hot when you come, noona.' fuck, where did he learn to do all this? maybe he was right after all.

you noticed that his nose was coated in your juices but he didn't seem to care at all. 'do you want to continue?'

'only if you can make me come again,' you challenged him.

he scoffed. 'that's not even a question, noona.'

he quickly unbuckled his belt and pulled down his pants. the shape of his bulge was clearly visible through his underwear. you reached inside and whipped out his already hard dick. you gulped.

'it's so big,' you whispered afraid. he was bigger than the other guys you had slept with and if they had already hurt you then his cock would probably hurt even worse.

he stroked your hair out of your face. 'don't worry. I've already prepared well so you should be able to take it without a problem. I'll make sure to go slow to not hurt you, okay?' you needed to trust him. it seemed like he actually knew what he was doing.

you gave his dick a couple of strokes to see how he reacted before you wrapped your lips around his leaking tip. seeing juyeon throw his head back gave you the encouragement you desperately needed to go forward.

you took him all the way until you started gagging. this was something you were good at. you started deep throating him and he moaned out your name.

'fuck, noona. you are so good with my cock.' he brushed your hair to the side so you it wouldn't be in the way when you sucked him off.

you noticed that he tried to control himself but couldn't refrain himself from bucking up his hips a few times, making you gag.

he then stopped you. 'I can't come yet. I need to show you how proper sex is done first.'

you laid down on your back and he positioned himself between your legs. he pressed your arms down next to your head and intertwined his fingers with yours.

'are you ready?' you gave him a nod.

'just squeeze my hand if it hurts.'

he slowly pushed his tip inside. you shut your eyes tightly and juyeon stopped to give you time.

'no, no. go all the way in first,' you whined.

his dick filled your walls up to the brim. you tried to calm down your heavy breathing. you squeezed his hands in pain and he held still. juyeon placed a kiss on your mouth.

'you're doing so well, noona.', he praised you. 'just tell me when you feel ready to go.'

it did hurt but not quite as much as the other times. and no one had ever waited for you to actually adjust before beginning to pound into you.

juyeon distracted you with kisses and as you started getting more comfortable you slowly started moving your hips against him. you gave him a slight nod to tell him he could continue.

he still started off with a moderate tempo and you needed more.

'faster!' you urged him and he picked up the pace. the way he snapped his hips made you see stars.

the pain was now completely gone and you were lost in your own pleasure.

when he started thrusting into you from behind, he hit spots inside you you had never felt before. the new position allowed him to go even deeper and faster than before.

you moaned surprised as he spanked you.

'you like this, noona?' you could only groan out his name to show him how you felt.

the knot in your stomach became tighter and tighter.

'I think I'm coming!' you manage to get out.

'come for me, noona!' with that he went into overdrive and fucked into you like a machine.

your arms gave in as your walls clenched around his huge cock tightly and you came hard while screaming his name.

he rode out your orgasm and then pulled out. he stroke his dick fast and shot his big load on your butt and back.

he lay down next to you exhausted. his fingers wiped away the tears of pleasure you didn't know you had cried.

'did I make you feel good, noona?' 'more than just good,' you admitted satisfied.

'I guess guys my age just don't know how to treat me.' he hummed in agreement.

'that makes no sense. you are absolutely gorgeous. they missed out on the opportunity to see your beautiful face when you come.' this was weird. he was still nice to you even after he already came. what was this?

'thank you for making my birthday wish come true,' he said. 'huh, what do you mean?' you questioned him.

'actually, I've noticed you on campus before but I was always too shy to talk to you.' 'oh really?' you laughed sceptically.

'yeah, I wanted to ask you on a date first but it seems like we skipped a couple of steps.' he was blushing. gosh, he was kind of adorable.

'I mean we could still go on those dates if you'd like, birthday boy.' strangely enough you felt like you could trust him and kind of wanted to get to know juyeon as a person.

'awesome,' he smiled at you before he pecked your lips and went to clean you both up.

you had completely forgotten about siyeon. hopefully, her night had been just as satisfying as yours had been.

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