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#might delete this later but it makes me so mad
lesbianpegbar · 1 year
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why are we sooooooo reactionary against women saying that they hate men. we are so quick to coddle every guy on this planet before we ask ourselves why women might feel and say that. “ugh i hate women who say they hate men men are so beautiful and wonderful don’t forget that” like do you guys go outside. do you know what it’s like to be a woman. maybe i say i hate men bc my entire life i’ve been sexualized and harassed and talked over and ogled and infantilized and followed and yelled at and treated like a lesser human being. idk maybe that’s why. but sorry that’s mean i love men so much i’m kissing and holding all the kings out there so gently
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fairygeek777 · 1 month
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Not to overshare or anything but what do you do when your mind has decided you are an Asexual but your body continues to perform a pointless lunar ritual?
Like- I'm sorry but this serves me no purpose.
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xskyll · 3 months
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I just need to vent. Someone made a podfic of one of my fics a short while back. Yesterday, they told me they were monetizing their channel and asked permission to put ads on their podfic of my story. I'm very glad they asked permission, so I could say no, but all the same, I can't help but feel so angry. I would never go to someone and say, "Hey, do you mind if I make money reading aloud your story that you spent months and months slaving over, while you don't make a single cent? Do you mind if I throw ads on this thing you poured your soul into, turning your love letter to fandom into another cog in the capitalist money machine?" I just imagine someone listening to my description of Shouto fighting Bakugou and listening to him bare his soul about his toxic behaviors—I scene I tried to craft with such care—and just before Izuku kisses Shouto's black eye, an ad for a Kia plays.
Part of me is wondering if I'm overacting—I know some people would say, 'it's just fanfiction, calm down'—but a larger part of me is like, "The absolute gall! YOU making money using MY heart???"
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ssruis · 13 days
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Going through a straight up comical amount of irritating situations to get the stupid 4* guaranteed ticket from the welcome to sekai campaign. It Will Be Mine.
#I’m resuming this tomorrow it’s been hours now I’m just mad#I’m home because my parents are moving to a different state and I needed to pack whatever was left#and for some reason we just keep old devices when we’re done with them#so I borrow an adapter to allow me to connect my ancient unworking iPad mini to my laptop#factory reset it. i have to reset an old email to access the old Apple id to fully reset it.#it won’t connect to the wifi so I have to reset the settings. i find out it’s too old to run pjsk.#i find an old phone that should work. i reset it as well. I’m able to download pjsk & it takes 20 minutes.#pjsk crashes everytime I try to open it. i attempt to run bluestacks on my computer. bluestacks doesn’t have 64 bit for mac yet.#i get a free trial of parallels and download windows onto my laptop. this takes 40 minutes.#i try to download and run bluestacks on that. m1 macs apparently can’t run bluestacks 64 bit through parallels.#i go find the final old phone that I had forgotten about. it takes forever to charge because the charging port is fucked up. i reset it as#well. it can’t connect to wifi. i try a hotspot on my current phone. service is too awful. i try to do wifi sharing from my laptop.#you have to be connected to the router via a cable for that to work.#at this point it has been like 3 hours. I’m giving up because I’ve been down this route before#when I attempted to run 32 bit steam games on m1 mac#(wine64 doesn’t exist for m1 macs yet -> attempt to run boot camp -> boot camp isn’t a thing anymore on Apple silicon -> attempt to run#several different programs that allow me to run windows on a mac. none of them work. ->#look into linux & give up. -> attempt to implement the unfinished/unbottled wine64 code thru terminal. ->#fuck up and delete some important file & have to fix that (misery inducing) -> keep trying. i think I downloaded a Mac coding program at#some point? i realize I have zero coding knowledge and this is a mistake. -> give up and purchase crossover. game doesn’t even work. ->#3 months later update to the latest OS so I can have enough storage to play psychonauts 2. find out the $60 crossover#purchase was a bad idea because ‘heehee crossover doesn’t work on that buy the new version’ (fuck crossover).#my toxic trait is my belief that I can figure out anything via google and sheer stubbornness. usually this is true. occasionally there are#exceptions to this rule. most of them are because owning Apple products is a mistake.#i think if I reset the router tomorrow I can solve this problem but I can also just go elsewhere with better service or wait until I’m home#now it’s a matter of pride. and also free 4*/I have nothing better to do because I’m stuck here until Tuesday.#<- this is all normal behavior by the way. who doesn’t spend 8 hours ramming their head against a problem every once and a while. enrichment#mine#oh I forgot. i also looked into cloning the app but that would cost money for something that might not even work.#‘just log out and make an alt’ and risk losing my account? I’m stupid enough to overwrite it on accident.
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animecreator3000 · 1 year
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Every time I rewatch some episode of Boueibu HK I wonder again how the staff even planned this season. Like. Almost nothing meaningful happens with the characters
TLDR the characters with the most developement in HK are the monsters
Kyoutarou is there as a complete contrast to Yumoto while keeping the battle speeches so his characterization doesn't make much sense. Nanao is mere fujoshi bait. Taiju and Taishi have random bits of dialogue that hint at possible arcs for s2 but not enough to tell us what it really is. Maasa has an unfinished arc in his episode, where supposedly he's putting fatty butter in his cookies to make everyone else overweight because he resents Ichiro not defending him when they were little, but then his friends tell him it's fine and then he can move on??? This would work with Ichiro's theme of not wanting to be immature or dense anymore, except they only ever used this theme as a gag (misunderstanding the meaning of whatever the others have said) or to straight up humilliate him (ep4) and continue treating him like a stupid baby. At the end of the season Maasa and him have made peace somehow and that's it. Ata gets in my opinion the closest thing to a complete arc, even if it's just staring angrily at Kyoutarou for ten episodes, then explaining his problem while fighting him and finally getting his apology and reconcilliation. At least it's something. And poor Ryouma is just there to be the butt of a few jokes about how he lets Nanao and Kyoutarou use him, be in a couple of cute shippy scenes, and also for Ata to completely dismiss him from the flashbacks to the point where if they had first met in high school nothing would've changed.
The relationships barely have developement either. Love had anime episodes and manga chapters dedicated to the different close friendships solving their conflicts and becoming closer. There were also many instances of seeing how close the Hakone brothers-defense club and Beppu brothers' relationships were, and even though they didn't have any conflict between themselves, they made them strong sides for the final fight. Yumoto didn't get a character arc but through the entire anime he was revealed to be strong, considerate, forgiving and mature, willing to kindly befriend the Beppu twins for his brother but not let them walk all over him; contrary to how he was presented in the first episodes, like a stereotypical magical girl protagonist. Anyway in HK there's no meaningful conflict between any of them besides Kyoutarou and Ata. Taishi and Ichiro argue constantly but don't show to genuinely like each other after all like IoRyuu or EnAtsu did. Ichiro and Maasa never make any progress to be together again, Maasa hints once at liking Taishi and nothing comes from it, and Nanao and Taiju have the most artificial friendship in the cast that I just do not understand. They just ran an ice cream shop once with again unexplained success and make sassy remarks at each other ever since. And I guess Karurusu and Furanui had a bit of developement thanks to Kyou and Ata in ep12. Idk about the aliens, this time it's like they didn't do it completely well but also not as bad as with the rest of the cast. Maybe bc they didn't appear as much as the humans in most of the episodes
I'm realizing now that a few of these complaints are related to Nanao acting weird
Idk where to put this but I'd like to point out Kinshiro's principles of halting the fight with the Battle Lovers as soon as he finds out that the s1 conflict was set up for a reality show and actively defending them from an attack because they're Binan students, despite still not having received his apology from Atsushi. Ata might've done the same if the HK finale's events had gone in the same order (travelling to Honyalaland to fight Wao, then Kyoutarou apologizing to Ata), but he doesn't feel as a character as deep as Kinshiro in that sense bc they didn't really show him to be in other ways.
Love feels more like an actual group of people while HK feels like they were filling in friendship group roles or something
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howlingdemon13 · 8 months
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I do not know how I could possibly be the result of my parents…
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anemoflower · 7 months
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Can't believe I finally found a Wrio playlist on yt that's not all se//xual
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archaeolitikum · 2 years
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one thing that makes me absolutely furious is when gym bros and diet freaks on the internet refuse to admit theyve got a raging eating disorder, and when people call them out on it and tell them theyre actively harming others by perpetuating this idea that their diet is just being healthy, tiktok teens will go "oh so now youre shaming them for having eating disorders 🤨🤨" NO??? believe it or not but even mentally ill people have responsibility over their actions regardless of if theyre done because of their disorder or not, stop fucking babytalking them like that what is wrong with you
i just saw some stupid tiktok of a guy bringing a fucking kitchen scale to a restaurant to weigh his food being like "wuuhhh always on the grind or whatever" and then someone else called him out being like "okay this is still not an eating disorder? okay. okay!" and the comments are filled with people being like omg you are shaming people with eds..... ARE YOU STUPID? shut the fuck up
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foggysirens · 9 months
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me: writes the most beautiful, thoughtful, intelligent paper in existence
my professor: sorry hun, that's a D for you 👍
me: why :(
professor: you forgot this tiny detail in your citations
also me: pulls a paper out of my ass while half-asleep and in another world
also my professor: wow 10/10 so well written Great Job. A+
me: why -_-
professor: you're so well spoken and your citations are GORGEOUS 🩷🩷⭐️✨✨#slaygirlypop
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glamjrwi · 2 years
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crackinwise · 3 months
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My entire fyp: "OMG a famous person is a Holocaust denier! They hate Jewish people and would probably agree with hitler!"
me: "Shit, another person with a platform denied the Holocaust happened or that it wasn't as bad as historians and survivors say? [X] Lemme go see this mess."
Famous Person: *did not deny the Holocaust* *protested to someone saying they are supporting Nazi ideology with no sources* *called out antisemitic & homophobic people miscommunicating or rewriting history online that Nazis specifically targeted trans ppl first/mainly* (the vague context might have only intended to be about Dr. Hirschfield's clinic—targeted for being Jewish and gay—which still might be ignoring the clinic was for studying and advocating for sexual freedom, gay rights & safety, "transvestite" support & a few surgeries we don't know the outcome of, and women's equality, including birth control & abortion)
me: "uhhh?"
Hey guy? Real talk: It's so iffy to use a serious problem with an actual important meaning like "Holocaust Denial" [X again] without AT LEAST some ***astrix heavy explanation that you're not using it to mean what 99.9% of people know it to mean! It's so gross and dangerous to take that antisemitic meaning away and for non-Jewish people to compare their plight exactly with the plight of all Jewish, disabled, gay, and Roma peoples during the Holocaust.
Remember this is the "how dare you say we piss on the poor" website! This is the "if you cut a candy bar like this you get infinite candy" website. You KNOW what you're doing by deliberately withholding information and stretching a red flag term like that! Wtf is wrong with you?
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pumpking64 · 1 year
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I will write these exams in pure spite, I will be absolutely foaming at times, so I am honestly a bit concerned about my keyboard. if it survives my angry exam-writing this may I have no other requests to my computer in it's final years (except maybe don't delete everything when you stop functioning)
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a-simple-imagine · 4 months
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Perfectly Pathetic Pt.2
synopsis: you try to fix things with cady while maintaining your friendship with the plastics
pairing: regina george x fem!reader, elements of cady heron x fem!reader
words: 6.6k (6666 to be exact)
A/N - it’s here at long last besties!! get it while it’s hot because i might delete later idk how i feel about it
WARNINGS - swearing, toxic relationships and general toxicity, d-slur, and bullying
PREV //
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come Sunday, you wake up with a throbbing head and zero energy left in your body but memories sit crystal clear. you remember Regina trying to come onto you. her scaring Cady away. Gretchen rubbing your back as you listen to her whine about Jason for the millionth time. weird night. you check your phone but don't bother to reply to anyone except Karen who wouldn't stop sending you explicit details about some reality show she was binging. but alas the weekend was over and you're forced to brave the embarrassment of going back to school after a party. happens every time. people do dumb shit and are forced to face it on Monday.
the first person you come across is none other than the red-headed new girl herself. you have got to imagine she is mad at you after what happened; the lies Regina told. it was not your fault but you should probably try and make peace.
"Hey! New girl," yelled down the hallway, you walk a little faster in order to catch up. you watch her glance around a little confused as you approach.
"Oh," her expression seems to neutralise as she realises it's you. "hi."
"did you have a good Sunday?"
"it was alright," the fact she was speaking to you was a good sign. "I spent it with my mom."
"cute," you flash a smile. Cady was clutching her books pretty tightly. "I thought we should maybe talk about Saturday."
"We don't have to to."
"but I want to," you insist. "please?"
"Regina already told me,"
"Regina is a liar," you blurt out. hopefully, that wouldn't get back to her. "I don't know what she said exactly but it's not true," she looks at you with curious eyes. "I wasn't stringing you along or anything,"
"Sure,"
"I like you, Cady. you're... different," you express. "I wanna be your friend. and I was really happy when you showed up at the party,"
"Really?"
"mhmm," you hum, nodding to prove your point. "cross my heart." you mime the action of drawing a cross across your chest. you're not sure they're gonna forgive you but the bell for homeroom would ring at any moment so time was running out.
"Okay," replied after a moment. a small smile that's quick to fade.
"do you want to finish working on our assignment later?" you ask.
"Sure," they shrug. "meet you out front?"
you're not entirely convinced you're forgiven but you'll take what you can get. you're about to respond when your eyes spot Gretchen amongst the crowd. you lock eyes for a second before she bolts in the opposite direction. with a heavy sigh, you charge after her.
"Gretchen." yelled down the hallway causing a few heads to turn. people naturally darted out of your way but you almost smashed into a few people. "Gretchen," is she getting quicker? "will you just stop?" the answer was apparently no because she just kept going until you manage to grab her arm forcing her to stop. "what the fuck?"
"oh hey, I didn't see you back there." she lies, offering a less-than-genuine smile.
"I was literally yelling your name?" your brow furrowed. you could almost see the gears turning in her head trying to come up with some kind of excuse.
"Sorry, I'm tired- mustn't have heard you." was that the best she could do? you just roll your eyes.
"Can you not tell Regina I was talking to Cady."
"Why?" she asks despite already knowing the answer.
"Please, Gretchen? it's really not a big deal, okay so let's just keep it between us."
"I said you should stay away from her and you ignored me."
"I know and you were probably right but," you shrug. "it's too late and besides, I have to do a presentation with her, that's why we were talking. you can even ask Karen."
"I won't tell anyone." that was a lie. She won't tell anyone except Regina obviously. always trying to be in her good graces.
"if you promise not to tell, I'll... tell Jason something bad about Taylor? like she has crabs or something?"
her eyes light up at the prospect. "really?"
you nod. Taylor had never liked you so you weren't exactly on the best of terms and if making up some rumour about her gets Gretchen off your back then great. "but you can't tell Regina, deal?"
"deal," Gretchen smiles brightly. thank fuck for that. you start walking together now. "so what happened at the party?"
"don't you already know?" you tease. "thought that pretty little head of yours knew everything."
"I'm working on it."
you shrug. she'd probably find out eventually. "nothing really. Regina told Cady some stuff about me."
"that you don't like her and are only pretending to be her friend?"
"so you did already know,"
"I don't know what you see in Cady."
"I don't know." she just wasn't like anyone else. a new avenue to discover. most of these people you've known for years. the bell rings out and suddenly you remember you were supposed to drop off a take-home quiz by homeroom today. you had actually done it but forgot it was in your locker. "oh shit,"
"What?"
"I just forgot to hand something in i'll see you later," with a quick wave goodbye, you rush off back the way you've come. it wasn't like you were bad in school or anything. just sometimes you'd forget to bring in homework. one... or four late quizzes later and suddenly Ms. Norbury is giving you extra work to make up for it. it's not like you have a life or anything. As you grab the paper from your locker, Karen Shetty emerges.
"Morning," sang dazzlingly as she shoved your locker door closed.
"good morning," you smile softly, a glance over her outfit. "you're particularly chirpy today and look great,"
a tiny theatrical gasp, she puts a playful hand over her chest. "thank you,"
"where did you get the cardigan?"
"thrifted it,"
"oooh, I love that," you say. "also it goes so well with that super cute bracelet you're wearing,"
"Aw thanks, my friend made it."
"that's so cute, she must be a really great friend," you tease.
"she is," Karen nods. "where are you headed?"
"I gotta drop this off to Ms.Norbury or I'll fail math,"
"Can I come?"
it wasn't exactly an exciting trip so you don't know why she would want to? plus you were late for homeroom now. "I guess?"
"did you have fun at the party?" Karen inquiries as you begin towards Ms Norbury's homeroom class.
"it was alright,"
"I heard you got into a fight with Regina,"
"hardly a fight," you sigh. it was gonna be a very long day. "it's fine. you know how she can be,"
"was it over Cady?"
"Why does everyone suddenly care about Cady?" you stress. "it really doesn't matter."
a shrug. "I heard from Gretchen that Connor is grounded now because he didn't tell his parents about the party and they found out because somebody was sick in like a vase or something,"
"ew," you giggle, scrunching up your nose in disgust. "like they just found cold vomit in a vase?"
"mhmm," Karen nods eagerly. you make a fake gagging action as you knock on the open door. why is it always so awkward to walk into an already full classroom? ms. Norbury invited you further inside and you can't help but look at the people staring at you.
"so you do know how to hand things in on time," you resist the urge to roll your eyes. "great. now if you can just do that all the time."
"I make no promises," you answer, placing your homework down on her desk. when your eyes meet Cady's she waves a little. you flash a smile.
"come see me after school and I'll let you know how you did and if I need anything else from you,"
"Okay," you sigh. wasn't your first extra credit quiz. nor your last probably. you leave the classroom quickly, grabbing Karen's hand. she'd been waiting at the door.
"lots of people in there,"
"yeah because we're supposed to be in homeroom," you advise her.
"I didn't hear the bell,"
oh, Karen. "just come on."
it was a rather lifeless day thank god. you were grateful for the peace. and ms. Norbury hadn't given you any more work. you still had your tutor sessions but they never bothered you too much. now you're sitting staring at your laptop pretending you're doing research. Cady is scribbling in her notebook. Once again you're bored. and you can't help but watch Cady and wonder if she really has forgiven you. sure you were together right now but only because of this stupid presentation. you sit up a little straighter, taking a sip from your water bottle. "are you mad at me?"
it's sudden and she seems perplexed as she glances up at you. "huh?"
"I don't want you to be mad at me"
"I'm not mad," she urges, going back to her little scribbling. "you said Regina was lying, I believe you."
"just like that?" it seemed too easy.
"just like that,"
"how do you know I'm not lying about Regina lying though?"
"I don't." a shrug, she looks at you. "I'm just trusting you so can we please get back on track." you're not sure you would forgive someone as easily as this. it seemed naïve. or maybe she was just a better person than you. either way, this was what you wanted so...
"This is so boring," you whine loudly, pushing your laptop away so you can dramatically collapse against the table.
"if you actually help instead of complaining, we'd get it done quicker."
"Cady," you sigh loudly. "let's not, I'm just here to be pretty, okay? I shouldn't be forced to do homework too."
"Can I ask you something?"
"Sure," you sit up properly once more. "ask away."
"Why do you hang out with Regina?" the question catches you a little off guard. why did she wanna know that?
"What does that have to do with the book?" you counter, a playful raise of your brow. "if you stayed on topic, we'd get it done quicker."
"I'm serious."
you shrug a little. "why wouldn't I? She's like one of my best friends."
"why though? I've seen the way she treats you,"
"you just don't get Regina," very few people did. sure she was kinda mean and pushy, you'd never deny that but the rest of the school didn't get to see her other side. which was also kinda mean but a tad softer. the blonde was fierce. if someone fucked with you, or Karen, or even Gretchen, she'd go to war. you've watched her destroy girls just to prop Gretchen up to Jason. maul boys for making fun of Karen. you only got away with half the shit you did because you were friends with Regina. maybe she kept you around because you showered her with love and attention but she, in her own way, gave it right back. "she can be a lot but she's really cool."
"she's horrible to literally everyone."
"yeah but that's like kinda funny," Cady gives you a look suggesting she doesn't agree which was fair but she didn't exactly pick the nicest people to be friends with. Damian was funny in class and you liked to tell him gossip that Gretchen told you. you never really spoke to Janis too much but you've seen her around. heard what she says about you. She makes jokes right to your face. "don't act like Janis doesn't do the exact same thing. why do you hang out with her?"
"That's different,"
"is it?" you challenge. "or is Regina just popular?" Cady seems to not have an answer because she goes back to the book. "she's my friend and I like her. simple as."
"I'm sorry for asking,"
"Don't worry about it," you weren't particularly angry. you knew how people viewed Regina. a mixture of high admiration and fear. "So did you enjoy your first party?"
"yeah. not exactly what I was expecting,"
"they're not all like that," you urge. "sometimes they're fun. sometimes you wanna stab yourself in the eye to get out of it."
"did you have fun?"
"fun is not the word I would use but it was an experience," After Cady left you kind of just sulked with Gretchen until Karen found you and insisted you had to dance together. you spent the rest of the night with her. "I'm happy you came. I wish Regina hadn't messed everything up."
"sorry I left."
"you don't have to apologise." you smile. "we're hanging out now even if you're making me do homework. and there's always next time."
"I'm not making you do homework," Cady argues. you just smile. shuffling along the bench so you're right beside her. She has the book open in front of her and a notebook full of scribbles. you repeatedly tap the notebook with your finger.
"Are these not notes for our project? is that not homework?"
"yeah but these are my notes," she expresses, snatching up her notebook to place on the side away from you. As your eyes meet, you can almost pinpoint the exact moment she gets flustered. a dusting of pink gracing her cheeks. "you're just fucking about."
a dramatic gasp before a smile takes over. "I would never."
Cady smiles and before you have time to react she is leaning in to connect your lips in the softest of embraces. it reminds you of the first time Regina kissed you. only it never had the chance to become anything more before you pull back.
"Sorry- I didn't. I don't know why I did that." that dusting of pink is now a deep shade of red. panic in her voice. eyes firmly on her homework. you're unsure of what to say exactly. you liked Cady. maybe even the same way she apparently liked you. but you just weren't sure yet.
"It's alright, don't worry about it," you express. "uh... should we get back to the book?"
you weren't mad or upset with Cady. her kissing you had just left you feeling... weird? so even as you parted ways and you got texts later in the evening, you couldn't bring yourself to reply. you just needed some time to think.
Lunchtime is weird. Everyone is quiet. Painfully quiet. Karen and Gretchen are just eating their lunch. Regina is staring at the label of her yoghurt. you're sat there anxiously like a child bursting with energy. this was so unlike them. "can someone just talk already," you blurt out. a little startled, everyone looks at you. "sorry. just nobody is talking and it's freaking me out. normally Gretchen never shuts up."
"why are you even here?" Regina asks, twisting the dessert in her hand. you wish she'd just eat it instead of inspecting it.
"why wouldn't I be?"
"shouldn't you be over there with the pyro-dyke and her band of freaks." her head nods in the direction she means but her eyes never leave that stupid label. the nickname referred to Janis and Band of Freaks must mean Cady and Damian.
a sigh. "you're being ridiculous,"
"I'm being what?" Regina asked firmly. her yoghurt placed down slowly as her eyes zone in on you. sharp and daring. Karen gently nudges your leg with hers but you're not sure if it was an accident or a warning. you glance at her and then at Gretchen who is keeping her eyes firmly on her food.
"nothing. sorry," you say softly.
"stand up," voice low but commanding. you can't tell if she's serious so you remain seated. watching her. "stand up. now." she was louder now. attracting attention. putting on a show as various people looked to see what the commotion was. "you wanna run around with freaks and lesbos, then go."
"Are you-"
"go." you swallow hard. willing yourself not to crumble under the pressure of everyone's gaze. you could argue back but you know better than to challenge her when she's this pissed off. so you just push up, grab your tray and leave the table. you lock eyes with Janis along the way who is next to Cady. you can't join them like Regina so angrily implied, it'd just make things worse for them and yourself.
your last few classes of the day are spent wondering what you've done to piss off Regina today. you've hardly even seen her. maybe Gretchen told her about the hallway yesterday? She promised not to plus this seemed like a massive overreaction. you're at your locker, grabbing your stuff when Gretchen approaches. "Regina said if you can behave yourself you're allowed to come shopping with us,"
"hello to you too Gretchen," you slam the metal door shut. "no thank you.."
"Seriously?"
"she basically banished me from the cafeteria today, why would I wanna go anywhere with her?" you ask but it was mostly rhetorical as you start down the hall.
"you know she was only joking," the brunette trails after you.
"was she? felt pretty real to me,"
"that's just her humour," Gretchen assures you. "you have to come. Regina will be upset,"
"Regina doesn't have emotions," you fire back, pushing through the double doors, you almost collide with another person. "Jesus, watch out."
didn't take long to realise who it was. "it's Karen actually,"
"I know your name, baby" you pat her shoulder. "why are you right outside the door?"
"waiting for you," she takes your hand. "we're going shopping."
"I don't wanna do that," you express but Karen is already leading you towards Regina's jeep. "Karen, let go" you groan but put up little resistance. the blonde is leaning against the side eyes on you as you're being dragged across the front lawn.
"you found her then," the blonde comments, pushing away from the metal of her jeep. "thought we'd have to start putting up lost dog posters or something."
"why am I even here?"
"Isn't it obvious- get in the car." Regina climbs in and everyone else does the same. "we need someone to carry the bags."
why were you here? why had you given in so easily? You didn't even want to go shopping and now you're staring at yourself in the wall-length mirror of a dressing room, trying on outfits. with a heavy sigh, you step through the curtain
"what do you think?"
"you look great," declares Gretchen.
"beautiful," an eager Karen. She had picked it out.
Regina turns from the large mirror at the end of the space where she was inspecting the dress she was trying on to you. "ew." is all she says before turning back.
"yeah, I never liked it," Gretchen remarks quickly.
"try this," Karen shoves a hanger in your hand before pushing you back towards the dressing room. you stare at your reflection once more. you didn't think it looked too bad but maybe Regina was right. it wasn't exactly your style but that's because Karen picked it. it was more you than most of the outfits she tried to get you to wear... it did sit a little weirdly. you can hear Regina talking to the girls, sending them each on an errand. and then it's silent. you begin to undress when the blonde calls your name. you stop what you're doing. She says it again and you walk out.
"what's up?" you question cautiously. you weren't about to let your guard down around her.
"what do you think of this dress?" the blonde spins to face you. hands on her hips. your brow furrows. why did she want your opinion? your eyes drift. taking in Regina. notice every curve. She really was a sight to behold.
"looks good."
"That's all I get?"
"What were you expecting?"
The girl turns back. "A shower of complements but guess you're not even good for that anymore."
"I said it looks good?"
"I'm done with you now. go change out of that ugly outfit already."
you wanna say something but you decide to just bite your tongue and head back into the dressing room.
come the weekend, Regina is out of town with her parents which means you've ended up with babysitting duties. Gretchen and Karen had both decided they were coming over to your place. you didn't mind. so now you're loitering on the bed with your back against your headboard scrolling through your phone. Karen is snuggled up in half a blanket using your lap as a pillow also scrolling through her phone. it's silent but comfortable. Gretchen vanished about ten minutes ago and hasn't returned. "do we have to start hanging out with Cady?"
"What?" you glance down from your phone. 
"I don't wanna hang out with her, she's creepy."
"that's not very nice, Karen," you scold. "but no. why would we?"
"Because you're like a thing now," Karen answered, pressing her phone to her chest. She meets your stare. "you kissed"
"excuse me?" your heart practically skips a beat. you undoubtedly hadn't told anyone that Cady kissed you and you're almost certain she hadn't.
"what? Gretchen told us that she saw you and Cady making out after school on Monday," Gretchen fucking weiners. of course. but how did she know?
"by us you mean?"
"me and Regina," fuck.
"When was this?" you wonder. and as if summoned on cue, Gretchen emerges through the doorway and you can't help but raise your voice. "you told Regina I was making out with Cady?"
"What?"
"Karen told me so don't lie," you demand. "I thought we had a deal."
"I didn't tell her about the hallway."
"Are you stupid?" you press. Gretchen sits on the edge of your bed, fluttering her eyelashes.
"I'm sorry," a hefty sigh. the girl shuffled up the bed so she was beside you. "are you mad at me?"
"Obviously."
"but you love me?" you don't reply and she nudges your shoulder with hers. "right?" you stay silent, glimpsing at her withan empty expression. you did love her but you were pissed off with her right now.
"look at this," Karen shoves her phone straight up and into your view. it shows a picture of herself. you assume she had just taken by the outfit.
"adorable," you smile walmly but it quickly fades. Gretchen had very much fucked you over. That day with Cady, you hadn't seen anyone around other than a few stray students. why was Gretchen even still there? and why hadn't she asked you about it before telling Regina?
"did you see what Kelsey posted today?" Gretchen questions, pulling out her phone. "it's so pathetic. like she's clearly doing it just for attention." you let your head fall back against the wall as Gretchen proceeds to talk in your ear. your mind drifts to the day in the cafeteria when Regina embarrassed you in front of everyone. you had thought it was an extreme reaction to a conversation in the hallway but turns out it was because of the kiss. was she that jealous of the idea of you and Cady? That made little sense when she was running around with Shane.
"Does Regina hate me?"
"of course not," Gretchen insists, a comforting hand placed on your shoulder. "you know anger is basically her love language. she just cares a lot."
"Regina thinks Cady is a freak," Karen contributes. "and that you hanging out with her makes us look bad."
"We were just doing homework."
"I saw you kiss her," Gretchen retorts.
"she kissed me,"
"you have been hanging out with her a lot," Karen states
"and you invited her to Connor's party," Gretchen resumes.
"yeah but..." you trail off because you really don't have a comeback. All those things were very much true. "this is stupid."
"if you had just listened to me-"
"Jesus, we get it Gretchen" you huff sharply and then feel bad for it. "sorry but you have to stop saying that- I should be able to talk to a girl without it being the end of the world."
"maybe talk to less weird girls?" Karen proposes brightly. "like me.... or Gretchen.... oooh or Regina."
"Thanks for the suggestion." you tap her nose gently, making her face scrunch up. "but I meant other than you three."
"you can talk to whoever you want," Gretchen reassures you, dropping her head to your shoulder. "as long as Regina approves."
"you sound insane,"
Gretchen shrugs. Karen's attention has returned to her phone. and you were suddenly so aware of how insane being friends with Regina George truly is.
the bell for first period has you walking down the hallway towards your history class. you share it with Gretchen who you haven't spoken to since Sunday. you're still mad at her.
"Hey, can we talk?" your brow furrows a little. it was Regina. and you were still mad at her too for last week.
"I have to get to class," you huff but she doesn't take the hint; instead she takes your hand and drags you straight into the nearest closet. it smelt like chemicals, dust and... vanilla. you imagine the vanilla is the girl, not the room.
"what the hell?"
"Just give me a minute,"
"why are we in a closet?" you wonder. it was cramped. a painfully buzzy lightbulb hung over head, flickering through an array of intensities. shelves full of supplies.
"I'm sorry, okay?" your eyes were looking anyway but at her until now. staring into blue-green eyes. did she just... apologise for something? was this a dream? your dreams never normally included Regina apologising but that seemed like the only way this could be real. "I'm sorry I got mad over you and Cady. you've just been acting weird since she joined"
"Are you... fucking with me right now?""
"what? I can't apologise?"
"I never said that," you did imply it but you would never say it. "I'm just confused." a shrug of your shoulders.
"I just don't like it. I don't like her," she wasn't about that. you weren't confused about her feelings towards Cady. you were confused as to why she was apologising for it? also, why do you have to do this in the closet? couldn't you have done this in a place with such a dizzying aroma? "I get like angry when I see you together. and then when Gretchen told me you kissed her-"
"she kissed me."
"Whatever," a dismissive wave. "I mean, it just was a lot y'know."
"not really" Your brow furrows.
"you're not that fucking dense, are you?" as the blonde takes a step forward, you take a step back crashing into a bucket and mop. She grabs your wrist. maybe an attempt to save you? "careful." said much softer. caring almost. it makes you suspicious. more so than the apology you hardly believed in the first place.
"we're gonna be late for class," you answer quietly. you try to pull your arm away but her grip doesn't falter. it's firm and tight; possessive almost. "Regina, please,"
"you promised to stay away from her," Regina mentions softly. you think back to that day. Regina straddling your lap. hands on your chest. moving against you. soft lips. it makes you blush. she pulls you closer. "promised you didn't like her more than me." her other hand gently cups your cheek. "was all that a lie?"
"no," you shake your head slow and stern. "no. i-"
"you kissed her." stated firmly.
"she kissed me," you argue back. her fingers press a little harder into your cheek.
"don't remember asking," expressed as she leaned in close. hot breath hitting your skin. vanilla fills your nostrils. "tell me you love me," whispered. you swallow hard. "please."
"Regina..." grip on your wrist tightens.
"go on."
"I... love you," you sound more confused than sure.
"more than cady?"
"you're my best friend,"
a once gentle hand now grips your chin. "more than Cady?" asked again.
"uh... more than Cady,"
"say you're obsessed with me." her lips loom mere inches from yours threatening a kiss.
"I'm... obsessed with you." her eyes are so intense, it's kinda scary. it's always treacherous being so close to her.
"Good," her lips press into yours. fierce and strong. but gone just as quickly. "I'll see you at lunch." she lets go and leaves without another word. The door to the closet closes with a click. insane. you remain for a few minutes. a little lost. a little confused. then you leave for class.
sat at a table under the beautiful shade of a massive umbrella during your free period. Cady is opposite. Gretchen was supposed to be here too but you don't know what happened to her. probably worried about sitting with Cady. "why are you doing work?"
"It's a study period. you should also be doing work,"
"It's almost lunchtime don't be ridiculous," you groan loudly. the bell rings mere moments later bringing a smile as the animals are released from their classrooms out into the wild. "see."
"you didn't do anything,"
"never do. That's half the fun of a free period before lunch."
"hey baby," that was Regina's voice. you look up promptly, half expecting her to make a comment or demand your presence but instead, she takes a seat right beside you.
"Hello," you try not to think about earlier. about how weird this is and focus on the fact she seemed to be in a good mood. her arms snake around you, drawing you back into her embrace.
"Cady,"
"hi Regina,"
"you look good today," Regina comments. your brow furrows. she was being weirdly affectionate. should you be concerned? probably but you were gonna enjoy her openness. the last week had been so weird and you kinda of just wanted things to go back to normal. and while this wasn't exactly normal, you prefer this to outward anger.
"thank you,"
"Now say it back," you roll your eyes but wear a playful smile.
"you look radiant Regina," said playfully. She gives you a quick squeeze and you finally settle in her embrace.
"I know," hummed in your ear. "so do you wanna come to mine after school?" muttered in your ear.
"what's the occasion?"
"I want you to," Regina declared. "why does it matter? you're coming over."
"am I now?" you ask playfully.
"We should get food," Regina lets go and gets up. you watch her for a moment expecting her to bark a demand but she doesn't. she just walks away. it freaks you out so you bid farewell to Cady and go scampering after the blonde.
"you good?"
"course," she states as you fall in step.
"you're being strange," you observe. "I was half expecting you to drag me away from that table."
"what's the point?" she asks. "you'd just go running back to the little nerd."
"no running is involved."
"running. skipping. drooling." the blonde teased. when you enter the lunch room, Gretchen is already sitting alone at your usual table. "like a love-sick little puppy dog."
"Okay, ew, no,"
"where have you been?" Gretchen wonders as you approach. She knows where you've been. you text her.
"no love involved whatsoever,"
"Who are you in love with?" Gretchen asks.
"no one,"
"I got tater tots," Karen announces as she zooms past with a try, taking a seat at your lunch table.
"oooh, they have tots today? let's go get food," you grab Regina's hand and start pulling her towards the food. Gretchen comes scrambling after the two of you. "I'm starving."
"aren't you always," Regina comments. the sea parts as she leads the way to the front of the line. it's unfair. but you never call her out. you always take advantage.
"Who are you in love with?" Gretchen repeats
"nobody, we moved on,"
"god keep up Gretchen," Regina huffs. you're so excited about your tater tots you practically run back to the table with your little tray. your two friends in toe. you take your usual seat next to Karen. Regina sits opposite with Gretchen.
"Cady keeps looking over here," Karen announces, popping a tot in her mouth. "it's creeping me out."
"she's so weird," Regina sighs. "if she's anything like her freaky friends it's because she's obsessed with our dear sweet puppy,"
"she is not obsessed with me,"
"This is what happens when you give losers attention, " Regina persists. "they think they have a shot. soon she's gonna think she can just come over and talk to us and it's your fault."
"Firstly, she would never do that. She's intimidated by you," you express. "secondly. she is sweet, you gotta lay off her."
"as she should be," the blonde looks disgusted. "also gross. She's so fuckin weird."
"you guys are being mean,"
"Is it mean if it's true?"
"still yes," you insist. "I like cady."
"We know," Gretchen states. Regina shoots her a dirty look.
"you don't get to talk Gretchen," Regina spits. "you never shut up about Jason like he's not disgusting."
"Cady would be cute if she just learnt how to dress. and do her makeup," Karen interjects.
"I don't even think that would help."
"Can we stop talking about her please?"
"don't wanna hear us shit talk your girlfriend."
"not my girlfriend." you argue. "but I would like this to end. quickly. let's go back to Jason that dude fuckin sucks."
"he's so sleazy," Karen adds. and the conversation flows into something other than you and Cady. thank god.
you're lying on Regina's couch. in Regina's room. alone. after school. you expected Karen and Gretchen to be here too but alas they weren't here. after this morning, you wouldn't be surprised if this was some cult worship ceremony. the door creaks open and in walks the infamous blonde. a glance before going back to your phone.
"my mum wants to know if you're staying for dinner,"
"am I?" you don't even know why you're here. and knowing Regina she could kick you out at any moment.
"I said yeah but you don't have to," a shrug.
"guess you're not mad at me anymore then,"
"When was I mad at you?" she questions, sitting down on her bed.
"When are you ever not?" you tease. "sometimes I think you hate me."
"if I hated you, you wouldn't be here," the blonde comments.
"you've been so short with me recently." you sit up properly.
"Because you've been acting different." the girl insists. "and it's weird. and I don't like it. I want you to go back to how you were."
"I don't even know how I've been acting different?" you lean back. "I think you're just jealous."
"jealous of what?"
"Cady." you see her eyes narrow. jaw tense.
"you are obsessed with her."
"not obsessed," you correct. "I don't even know what is going on between me and Cady."
"but you like her?"
you shrug. "do you like her?"
"no," it makes you smile for some reason. same old Regina. number one cady hater. "not even a little. she's strange. can't dress for shit. really awkward."
"tell us how you really feel," you chuckle a little.
"you'll just call me mean," like she wasn't already being mean.
you shrug. "I like when you're mean."
"I know," a smile quirks at her lips. the blonde pats the space next to her. "come here,"
"why?"
"Just come here," a dramatic sigh. you push up and cautiously walk over to sit down next to her. "why are you acting so scared of me?"
"I don't know," you shrug. "kinda expecting you to push me off the bed or something."
"why would I do that?" her brows furrowed.
"Because you're evil," a smirk slowly takes over her lips. you nudge her softly with your shoulder.
"I love it when you call me evil,"
"I know," you reply. "because you're obsessed with me."
"you wish."
"I don't have to wish," you tease. "because you're obsessed with me."
"you're really pushing your luck here," Regina comments. "stop." her tone suggested she was done playing. the blonde falls back against her bed. you just look at her as she starts typing on her phone. "and stop staring at me freak."
"but you're so pretty,"
"your girlfriend wouldn't like you saying that."
"not my girlfriend," you insist. "no more than you are." the blonde doesn't respond and you both fall into a comfortable silence. you lie down beside her. "why did you invite me over?"
"make out. prove a point. why do you think i asked in front of cady?" you just shrug. the girl sighs loudly and discards her phone off to one side before rolling onto her side to look at you. you just turn your head to face her.
"for someone so smart, you really are stupid," you'd be offended but there was hardly a point. she just watches you, watching her. you crack under her gaze and look away but she just reaches over and forces you to look at her. "do you know why I keep you around?"
"Because you love me?" said playfully but quietly. you know it's not the answer she was looking for.
"I like the way you look at me," she admitted quietly. "everyone stares at me but you... you look at me like I'm the only person in the entire world." she went on. "like you just can't get enough." you don't know what to say. Regina was like nobody you had ever met but in a different way to Cady. She just commanded attention. a beauty beyond words. and sometimes you wonder why you ever caught her eye. the girl shuffles closer now. "you can run around with freaks. you can be confused about Cady. but at the end of the day, none of it matters." that hand on your jaw loosens and begins to trail down over your neck. "you'll always come running back to me."
"What makes you think that?"
"It's in the way your breath hitches when I'm close. the way your eyes linger when I walk away. the way you so easily melt under my touch," her voice was gentle but taunting. her hand slipping lower and lower down the length of your body. you could hear your heart beating loudly in your chest. an onset wave of heat flushing your cheeks. "I can say or do whatever I want," her hand stops at your thigh, squeezing roughly. body leaning into yours. pressing you further into the plush fabric of her bed. "and you'll always be mine." whispered sharply before her lips meet yours and the fire makes the rest of the world melt away. you reach up to draw her closer. deepen the kiss and the way she groans makes your head spin. but then she pulls away unexpectedly. "oh I forgot to mention Shane is coming over after dinner so you gotta be gone by then. Cool?" you can feel the emotions stirring. it's weird and confusing. Shane's name fills you with anger; annoyance even. through no fault of his own. was she fucking serious? but at the same time you couldn't move. maybe a wiser person would have stopped everything right here. walked away with their dignity in their hands. Cady was probably a safer option. she liked you. and maybe you liked her too. but there was just something about Regina. being on her good side meant the world worked for you too. it was a world you'd become so accustomed to, you can't imagine it any differently. you can't imagine a life without the blonde. you didn't want to leave. you wanted to chase the high of each kiss. the pain as her nails dig into your skin. the firey mess of being with her.
"cool." you nod simply, pulling her back into the kiss. dignity was overrated when it came to Regina George anyway.
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sweetonmeclarence · 2 years
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#personal#vent#delete later#pls ignore if ur not up to seeing someone’s personal life vent shit#putting the disclaimer first so the two people who don’t count in this complaint think im talkinf abiut them#there are some exceptions ofc. i’m making very sweeping statements here.#namely the people i’ve low key forcibly attached myself to very recently. in case u see this thx for tolerating me. ur awesome ❤️❤️❤️#idk i guess it’s kind of good to know i have zero irl friends who will 1) check on me and 2) not get mad at me when i spiral out of control#nice to know when i’m at my lowest lows no one notices#good to know everyone who WAS close to me didn’t bother asking how i was. they were all ok with jjst. not talking to me.#heavens forbid we recall all the times i made sure to never leave them hanging like that but okay fine#a bunch of you barely tolerated being around me just because people you liked cared about me#so when they stopped…u dropped the mask. the disguise. u can tell urself u cared but it’s clear you didnt.#if you did you would have done something by now. you would have checked in on my mental physical whatever state within the past 10.5 months#but nope. nothing. a simple message passed along that u didnt want to be friends anyway. a simple radio silence or#an ‘i dont want to hear about it/i dont want to be involved’#ok. fine. you might not understand what you’re saying but i do.#rip my goddamnheart out i guess#fuck off#happy fucking new year i guess
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Not being able to get over a small, annoying thing that's happened feels like knowingly tripping over the same uneven ground again and again
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