#mostly when i get salty pms cravings

[amu-brain-dump]

Are you much of a sweets/candy person? Or a chocolate person? If yes, what are your favourites? :))) Ooh what candy or chocolate you always turn down because you’re really not keen on it?

I am very much a sweets & candy person. Don't really dislike chocolate but it's never my first choice. I love me some gummies, candy pencils and lollipops 🍬🍭

Chocolate is ok I guess but I won't eat as is. Choco cookies (I have an addiction to cookies in general) and white choco Kinder buenos are my go to. My fave choco cookie is Prince 😭 which unfortunately I can no longer buy easily (and cheap) in the UK so I only eat it when I go back home.... Very sad indeed...

Turn downs will have to be licorice and sour candy 😖 I don't like sour or bitter things and candy that is not sweet makes no sense to me 😅 If offered I will almost always decline chocolate unless it's a drink

[madfantasy]

I haven't seen you post in a while, I hope you've been doing okay? How is everything? Hope it's been a good year so far for you 💕💕

You're too kind, u & everyone who made inquiries, bless ur hearts.. im sorry for disappearing, but yeah, I don't have net— using my phone credit and hope this posts..

I tried to record my voice answering this, like I sometimes did on tik, suddenly ended up trying to muffle the floods of my burning tears, so now I have an awkward vid of me talking then weeping out of nowhere, which a good reason for me to keep up the no cry habit, heh.. but seriously, I suppose I'm fine till I be conscious of it.. its much easier for not to talk .. even tho I'm aching to be back in thy company, lonely in my foresight to catch on to the present that joins us, hand held out to reach like minded souls but shying from the fear of forgetfulness occurring..

I'm fine tho, did few new stuff, merely drowning in too muchness and nothingness as usual, this month I guess you could say I took an act of mad fury in search of any happy source because the echoing silence and the swarm of sadness nipping on my brain cells thickened, and the reasoning merged with the obscene. So instead of giving my guardians the usual of 3/4 of my earnings last month for net and groceries, I spent it all. Ya know, as it was told to me it mine to do as I please? As being prevented any chance of work if it was possible, 't was supposed to be spent on art supplies & measly delights craved for years ?

Before hand, I've been begging them to take me for months to get any clothing or whatever, be it the first time I ever see a shop, then just to drive around, then just me peaking to the outside when the front door is open, merely seeking change I suppose. They kept vaguely promising me until they refused point blank— getting tired of my nagging, then their car just stopped working till this day. Its in the workshop rn..

Anyway, befouled by despair, needing the mere basics of life and not granted, I was delighted when i found a site to buy from cheap & pretty, I pressed buy without any further considerations, or taking their permission and thrilled to be able get gifts for my siblings too. I say gifts but really they are deprived necessities too and not even much just one each cuz well, they are 5 of my babies and to start with the top of priorities; we all draw

I could already see it, they can't help themselves; heck seeped through the clenched gates of their mouths, trying desperately to poison me with undirect attempts this time, cuz I bought for my sibs they're out of the option of calling me selfish. I was upping the same trance like state of vague existence dealing with them, absorbing their insults and degrading just to make sure my shi arrives safe.

Unfortunate for me, the site chose the worst carrier in this country

I did everything in my power to make it into their convenience, by embarrassingly messaging the carrier daily, they took a week of promising to deliver and flanking so my guardians reached a heated level of threatening, waving their hands nd almost tossing shi at mE saying that they don't care if they came and if i dared to order something again they'll do this and that. Not allowing me to open the door for the delivery guy when he comes, blaming me for missing vaccination dates (they kept missing them even before)& missing going to important places(again, they just didn't go to for ages), made them loose sleep, etc etc— in turn, I seen red and regretfully blew up.

I screamed at them its literally the only time I ever did this, it BECAUSE it easier on them & I'll do what I want whatever anyway, & to stop interrupting me while I try to explain things , then they suddnly back done and be like I'm not mad at u I'm mad at the delivery ppl, that they are proud of me for being able to do all this, and such sort. I left them to cool in my room, Idk how I did it but must have slam-gripped something so hard it chipped most of my short nails & cracked one, was glad I didn't hurt my drawing hand but yeah, goofy mani

They robbed me of the joy of anticipation & the dissipation of apathy, I started to lose sleep again and my liberating dreams left me and I don't think I remember leaving bed.

But still, If not force myself to do things.. there'll be nothing for me if I don't.. at least I know im able of that

I got my guardians happy tho after another tiresome refusal, by trying out one of those Uber-eat like local apps here, since they have no car and being disabled & ill, I ordered McDonald's for the first time. Slythry behind their backs per habit, told them someone coming and they had that look again, but thankfully the guy came through and didn't steal my money, heh. For a big 1800 calories meal I suppose it was passable, the happy fam faces I got was the real treat..

Oh with that thing with the credit card stating I owe them money, waited weeks & nobody got back to us? They started taking from my guardian's account directly to pay it, saying oh we did send you warnings--- TO THE SHADOWY LINES OF THEIR POSTERIOR A.K.A NOWHERE. Thankfully the account is mostly empty nd just for random transactions, i alerted my guardians not to use it. And again, my god, another round of endless calls and promises started, and we wait again so they just don't act as if we owe them a frking 17k dollars that we don't have.. was panicking cuz I have nothing and but my guardians were weirdly comforting about it and told me not to worry

One thing good bout no net is it made me stop thinking about life in general, and stop the tiny unnoticeable prick of misery when I have no input to share, trying not to helplessly compare people just living, in inflated style or not, in media, to my isolated-most-of-my-life style and missing much of that organic "life experiences and chances", heh. At least, my situation would be favorable to me if it was ever possible for it to let me have peace, or have the simple knowledge I'm not virtually imprisoned and have never familiarised with nothing of this world but the surrounding walls.. its nice to have more time to be consumed by muse and day dreaming that flutters life through my dull being and sing chorus of inspiring means for art to flow and finds its way delicately onto my realised canvas.. but no, I continued drawing whilst sight blurred with salty droplets contradicting that happy tintin dance on tiktok I worked so long on just cuz I couldn't stop, not the tears or the mad scribbles of determined intention to visualise the mourned excitement I need, hating everything I make

Somehow the lilac dream still intrudes, visualising me friends, living, in a quaint home, maybe we roommate, arm in arm we go to make every fracture of fate's encounters a disgusting adventurous thrill, like building a maze of cardboard or chasing each other in the dark.. maybe getting that half bleached head and endless ear pericings ... then it dies and I totally forget it..

But what those awesome headphones helped me do, literally blocks all their voices listening to Sev losing it and I can Waltz around not feeling gutted to go and interfere or play the referee each time. But I can't wear them forever, gives me a bad headache, and honestly; I can't be too neglectful.. my sibs hates me for it already hehe

At least these clothing came true to their measurements, felt the new sensations on how everything I wore hugs me & learnt the baffling ways on how "gender" and region plays different tunes on the same measurements. Getting fitting things felt like suddenly there's hope to be, for myself to be me, and ease this severe disassociation between who I am, and what my body is .. from how little I see myself nd consider it worthy of anything because of how long it been living like a phantom among people.. to numb this dysphoria until it be gone one day

Saddened that the only site I can't order from again if they keep using that awful carrier

...

I missed our country's 91 national day, too. They made sales everything 91 riyal so.. but knowing the sellers here, I don't think most of em went true with their offers.. Horrible news tho on the celebrations, sigh

I turned this into a dear diary, guess bothered you enough today, sorry

So thankful to yous, Idk if I can be back, but I'll remain creating, and will keep the thought alive of being tickled when sharing my creations with your viewing pleasure somehow

'till then my precious dears, take care 💛🙏

26.9.2021, 8 pm, sleeping

[rogershoe]

Lights, Camera, Action

Part seven

(Part six)

Summary: You’re a production assistant on the set of Cursed. The night before your first day at work, you opened your laptop to shockingly realise you’d be working with Daniel Sharman (and a plethora of other amazing actors), someone you’d been watching on screen since you were a teenager. You kept your expectations low, the PAs rarely got to interact with the talent…what was your chance?

Word count: 3.1k

Tag list: @sxperncturalimpala67 @mrsaaronkeener @tinygardensoul @disasterday @5am-cigarette @lancelotapricot @demoiselle-en-detresse00 @slytherlight @18somethingpsyche @ceruleanmusings @glxctt @cavillxhenry @lovelyapplessss @hereagainsstuff @linkpk88 @aliceperdida @weeping-redemption @magicalsaladnacho @ineedyourskulls @fandomarstrash @cheythefangirl @pure-ghost @estrielle @tessxblxckthorn @isaac-lahey-is-bae @bubblyanis @proudhufflepuff77 @dollfacev8 @everlastingdreams @thehatredofshiprrick​

Warnings: age gap between reader and Daniel, swearing, slow burn, mentions of sex

Notes: So sorry if this chapter is also a bit all over the place! I’ve been very distracted with school and it’s been a bit harder to find the time to write. All that said, here’s chapter seven and I hope you guys enjoy it!! Sorry again in advance for the lack of Daniel content, but I promisee that the next will have a lot more to make up for it. Thanks for reading!

(picture by @archivesharman​)

“We’re good then?” he said, tucking a strand of hair behind his ear.

“Ofcourse….yeah….we were always good” you mumbled.

He smiled at you before turning around and walking away. 

What had just happened? You didn’t know if this day was the best you had ever had or the worst. 

It was probably both. 

As you pulled off your headset, your heartbeat thudded in your ears. Too many thoughts rushed through your mind, some good some bad. Why was he apologising to you? Did he really think he was at fault? And had he actually heard the part where Cassandra mentions you getting nervous around him? Had he noticed your uneasy behaviour? Or was he going to start noticing? 

You thought you’d hid it oh so well…that no one could tell you had a weird crush on Daniel. Was it even a crush? Or was it feelings? You barely knew him, you’d have to get over it sooner or later…or atleast you hoped you would. 

One part of you wished you could be like Siara. She didn’t give a shit if they were actors. She saw them as regular human beings and nothing more. She didn’t get nervous or starstruck. From what you’d seen, those were the type of people actors felt comfortable around to like and be friends with. Not anxious fangirls like you.

You shook your head, shivering. Why did it have to be so cold? 

6:06 pm 

You walked into your apartment, which was not much warmer than the outside. You took off your sweater and put on a thicker one, also grabbing a warm blanket and settling on your couch. The second you turned on your tv, you saw that Netflix was recommending Medici to you. You had seen from Daniels instagram that he was starring in the second season. Maybe this was a sign that it was time to watch the first. You clicked play and leaned back into your couch, letting the show whisk you away from your own troubles. 

Tuesday, January 15th, 2019

3:32 am

You jerked awake when your phone vibrated on your thigh. You were shocked when you looked down at your watch to see it was half past three. You had only gotten through one episode of Medici before falling asleep from your exhaustion. You contemplated falling asleep again but decided against it, you were starving and hadn’t had anything to eat since 12:30. 

You felt oddly refreshed, and felt like going out to get something to eat. You usually weren’t the spontaneous type, especially not at 3 am…but for some reason, your body craved fast food and also the cold night air. You though it out in your head and decided that you could get drive thru and eat it in your car, and by the time you were done, it would be time for work anyways. 

You got up and got ready. Freshening up and putting on your “work clothes”. You hadn’t slept for eight hours straight in a while and so didn’t even feel the need to drink your usual cup of morning coffee. 

You grabbed your jacket and headed out, your keys jingling as you locked your apartment door. 

The night breeze was just as you imagined. The cold crisp air felt oddly refreshing against your face, and you could almost taste the coldness when you inhaled. You had kept your car window down, weirdly craving the chillness. 

After a few minutes though, you found yourself shivering and rolled up your car window, licking your lips to warm them. You thought over where to get breakfast (or dinner?), and decided that McDonalds was your best bet. You knew they’d be open and also exactly what to get. 

It took you five minutes to get to your local McDonalds. You pulled into the drive thru window and ordered a McChicken, a large fries, a coke, and an Oreo mcflurry. You usually never ate a big breakfast, especially before work, but you were starving and felt like you could eat their whole menu. Actually, you were holding back. 

You got the food, breathing deeply when the hot smell of salty fries wafted towards your nose. There was a 7/11 a few shops down so you went and parked in front of it. From you seat, you could clearly see the door of the 7/11, and also the inside through the windows. It was one of the few places open at this time and you loved people watching. Especially people at a store at 4 am in the morning.

You pulled out your food and took a bite, your jaw aching with pleasure. When you took a sip of the coke, you could feel the cool liquid travel down your throat and through your chest.  You looked up and saw that there was a cashier inside the 7/11, a teenage boy. He was sitting on a chair, his eyes droopy.

You tore your eyes from him when you heard a car pull into a parking spot a few spaces away from you. Your eyes widened in confusion when you saw Bradley step out. You knew your next actions were stupid and immature but you still went ahead. 

You quickly (but carefully) put your food down on the seat next to you, and with unnatural swiftness, pushed/jumped yourself onto the back seat, lying flat on your back so he wouldn’t see you. You hoped he hadn’t seen the car move, but you don’t think he did since a second later you saw him walk into the 7/11, unbothered. You took a deep breath looking at your watch, it was 4:12 am. Huey had texted you saying that the crew and actors both would have an early start today. You would have to be at the studio by 5:00, which was 10 minutes from the store. 

The position you were in wasn’t uncomfortable, but it was definitely getting slightly hard to breath. What the fuck were you doing? You should just get up and continue eating, he probably wouldn’t see you anyways. 

Before you could, you saw him coming out and froze, holding your breath. You saw him look into your car but not at you, just at the empty front seats. There was a small box in his hand but you couldn’t tell what it was. You waited for his car to pull out but after waiting for almost thirty seconds, you got increasingly confused. Suddenly the car started shaking rhythmically and your eyes widened when you realised what he was doing. 

He was busy now so you quickly got up and climbed into the front seat. 

Seriously? He was really having sex in a car an hour before work? It was odd but you weren’t one to judge. You actually envied his spontaneity. 

You started your car and drove away.

4:50 am

You opened the door of your car and got out, locking it behind you. You felt sick from all the food you ate, especially since it was right after you woke up. After you had driven away from the 7/11, you had decided to just eat in the studio’s parking lot and wait until it was time for work. Now.

You walked towards the building, rubbing your hands up and down your arms, your keys jingling in between your fingers. It was freezing this early in the morning. 

When you walked into the studio, you were surprised to see all of the PAs except Bradley and Jay standing in a group together, talking to Huey. You walked over and greeted them, standing next to Siara. Huey was looking through the papers and you took the opportunity to ask her what exactly was happening. 

“What’re you guys talking about?” you whispered.

She turned to you, also speaking quietly, “Something about how we might have to travel somewhere”

“Us?” you said surprised. 

She nodded. You swallowed, trying to lessen your excitement. They would probably want the more experienced PAs anyways. 

Huey cleared his throat and you turned to look at him. 

“Alright. Please listen carefully since I’m not going to repeat this”

Everyone nodded and he continued, “To make a long story short, we’re going to be moving filming to England in two weeks and we want all of you to come with us. It’s fine if you’re unable to, but it would be extremely convenient for the production if our crew were mostly the same” 

He paused and you took a glance at Siara. Her expression was blank. You sighed looking away and at Huey, who was now speaking again.

“All expenses, plane tickets and accommodation are payed for. Along with lunch, breakfast is also included. We’ll be in England for nine months with a two week break every three months”

Distraught spread through you as you realised you would have to be in England for nine fucking months…only if you accepted. 

You nodded as Huey handed a folder to each of you, “This has all of the information you’ll need…if you decide to come, sign this and give it to me before the end of this week”. He walked away, leaving you all to discuss what you were to do. 

Louis spoke up first, smiling widely, “Please tell me you guys are coming, you have to come”, he sounded like an excited child.

You beamed, “I really want to…but, it’s more than half a year”, you saw a sad expression spread over his face. 

“I’m going…I’ve always wanted to visit Europe” you heard Siara say. 

“Come on Y/N” Louis said looking at you.

“I’ll decide when I go home and let you both know” you said smiling. You wanted to go so bad, but the thought of nine months away from home terrified you. Even if you could visit.

10:48 pm

You had just gotten out of the shower and settled into your bed after drying off. Your work day had been exciting of course, but definitely not as eventful as yesterday. You hadn’t interacted with Daniel except your usual “hey”. You had talked to Jasmine about the change in shooting and she had told you that her and Cassandra were definitely going. Although you hated Cassandra, Jasmine was one of your closest friends on set and that made the decision much easier. 

You pulled out your phone and opened your’s and Louis’ chat.

Y/N                                                                                                                         Hey, good news! I’ve decided I’m gonna come. I’m gonna miss Talia, but this is a once in a lifetime opportunity and I don’t wanna miss out at all!! I'm so excited [10:29 pm]

Louis                                                                                                                         What?? That’s great! I honest don’t know what I would’ve done without you [10:32 pm]

Y/N                                                                                                                           Hahaha                                                                                                                       We’ll def talk more about it at work tomorrow, I think I should really sleep now lmao [10:33 pm] 

Louis                                                                                                                     Of course of course. Same here...gn! [10:33 pm]

Y/N                                                                                                                          Gn :) [10:34 pm]

You smiled to yourself before texting Siara as well. She usually took longer to reply so you decided not to wait and turned your phone off. 

You were equally nervous, scared, and excited for the trip. You’d get to travel? To another continent? Over a whole ocean? For nine fucking months? And almost for free? You honestly couldn’t believe it. The nine months still scared you but you tried to focus on other things instead. Like the beautiful sights you’d get to see in your time off…and also the places you’d get to shoot scenes. Daniel obviously as well. You wondered for a while if he was happy to go to England too. It was his childhood home. 

Friday, January 25th, 2019

5:05 pm

You licked your lips to warm them as you entered Daniel’s trailer and took a deep breath as the warmth inside enveloped you.

It had been two weeks of helping Cassandra and Jasmine and you had finally gotten the hang of it. So far, your first day had still definitely been the most eventful, with you cutting your finger and then Cassandra getting angry at you. The rest of the days had been much better in some ways. You were still very giddy around Daniel, but you had learned how to hide it. 

It was also much easier since you were more confident in what you were doing. You had actual jobs, like removing his make up and getting his skin ready…things which Jasmine used to do before you. Now that you did it, it gave Cassandra and Jasmine both more time to focus on his actual make up and hair. Cassandra wasn’t much better. She hadn’t blown up on you again like she had that day, but there was a significant increase in scowls, eyebrow raises, and dissaproving looks in general. If looks could kill, you’d be dead ten times over. 

 “Hi Y/N” Jasmine said, as you closed the door behind you. You looked around and saw that Cassandra was absent. Thank God. 

“Hey” you replied, grinning. You glanced towards Daniel, who offered you a short smile. 

You got to work, pulling out a make up wipe and rubbing down his face gently. You had learned that leaving the tears for last was best. That way you could use a separate, stronger wipe on them too. 

Although you had done this about ten times now, it always made your flutter to be so near him. It was also odd how accustomed you had gotten with his skin. You noticed whenever he had a new scratch, or a pimple, a tan…any small changes. 

For some reason, it made you feel special to be this close to him. It almost didn’t make sense to your brain, how close you were to him everyday, yet how little you actually interacted with and knew about him. 

Today you were too busy looking at his eyelashes and didn’t realise you had run your wipe directly over a small cut on his jaw. He hissed slightly, opening his eyes. Jasmine cocked her head towards you both from where she was looking through a make up drawer. 

Your mouth hung open in shock as you snatched your hand away from his face. Your eyes fell to where his cut was, and you swallowed. Why did you have to be so distracted and clumsy? 

“Oh no, I’m so sorry” you said nervously and rushed over to the sink, wetting the corner of a small towel. 

You jogged back over to his chair, being extra gentle as you dabbed the damp corner on the cut, trying to wipe the make up wipe’s liquid away. You then dried it with the dry part of the towel.

“It’s fine really Y/N” he said laughing slightly, “It happened during filming”

Your skipped a beat when you heard him say your name. It was still surreal to you that Daniel Sharman knew you….let alone you name. You smiled slightly before setting the towel down on the counter. 

“Is it still stinging?” you said gesturing to his jaw, your hands shaking.

“Oh no, not at all” he said shaking his head. You felt that he wasn’t telling the truth but you let it go. Grabbing the make up wipe, you continued wiping his make up off. It was a much smoother process, and you took the time to ease your racing heart rate. 

The flight was tomorrow and you couldn’t help but feel excited every time you thought about it. Louis had informed you that Jay and Bradley had opted out of coming on the trip. You were sad about Jay’s decision, but not so much Bradley’s. 

You were happy but also terrified that your work was taking you out of comfort zone. Jasmine had texted you yesterday saying that she’d pick you up so you could both go to the airport together, which made the whole ordeal a whole less nerve wracking. 

You had gotten quite used to this trailer, to the studio…..and you hoped that your routine and jobs (that you had finally gotten somewhat good at), wouldn’t change the minute you got to England. 

Saturday, January 26th, 2019

2:58 am

You jerked awake and checked your phone, afraid you’d overslept. Nope, there was still a whole two minutes left until your alarm. The flight was at 7:00 am and you had told Jasmine that you wanted to get there atlaeast two and a half hours before. You rather be early and wait in the airport for an hour than be late and miss the flight. 

You had thankfully packed everything the night before and it only took you almost forty minutes to get yourself and your bags ready. Just a few minutes after you were done, you phone rang. It was Jasmine. 

“Hey, you’re here?” you said, smiling and wheeling your suitcases closer to your apartment’s door. You phone wedged between your cheek and shoulder.

“Yes!” she said sounding excited. You were eager to go too, but you had only slept four hours and were finding it hard to get to her level of excitement. 

“Great..I’ll be right down”

It was a struggle, but you managed to get both your suitcases into the elevator and onto the curb outside your apartment building where Jasmine was waiting. The cold night air hit you like a brick, and you felt energy surge through you. 

Jasmine got out of her car quickly, “Oh let me help you with those”

You both loaded your suitcases into the trunk of her car. Y

You rubbed you hands together warming them, as you got into the car, you backpack at your feet. Jasmine started the car, beaming. 

“You excited?” she said, driving.

“Very” you laughed, turning the heater up. You were tired, but the adrenaline from your excitement kept you wide awake. 

4:56 am 

It took you guys almost twenty minutes to get the airport, which wasn’t bad. You were now walking through the airport, your luggage hopefully making it’s way onto your plane. You had made it through security smoothly, and there had been no problems with your boarding pass or passport. If there had, Cassandra would’ve probably killed you both. 

“What’s the gate number?” you asked Jasmine, who was holding the boarding passes. 

“Uhh” she looked at them, “32B”

You nodded, just a little farther. The smell of coffee and food from the various little cafes made your stomach grumble. 

You thought your adrenaline would’ve died down by now but it hadn’t. You tried to keep telling yourself that it was because you were travelling to Europe…but inside, you knew the real reason you were so excited. 

[miss-multifandom-mess]

Answer 30 questions and tag 20 mutuals you want to get to know better

Thank you, @bitch-slap-dukat for the tag!

Name/Nickname: Brooks

Gender: Genderfluid

Star Sign: Scorpio

Height: 5' 9"

Time: 6:23 PM

Birthday: October 27, 2003

Favorite Bands: Panic! At The Disco, lovelytheband, My Chemical Romance, Twenty One Pilots, Fall Out Boy, The 1975, Imagine Dragons, and more

Favorite Solo Artists: Taylor Swift, Halsey, Jaymes Young, Robert Grace, Lady Gaga, Beyoncé, Leonard Nimoy, and more

Song Stuck in My Head: Top of the World by Imagine Dragons

Last Movie I Watched: Despicable Me 3

Last Show: NBC's Heroes

When Did I Create This Blog: Late as of last year (can't find/know when I joined :/)

What I Post: Right now it's mostly Star Trek, but from time to time I might post Sherlock, Psych, Marvel and others

Last Thing I Googled: Live Journal > Rhiannon (Will You Ever Win). I was given Ask with this song, and I was curious of what it was about. It's very interesting actually. The song is now one of my favorites.

Other Blogs: I have no other blog but this one

Do I Get Asks: Only rarely; not a whole lot.

Why I Chose My URL: I didn't want it to be fandomfangirl27 anymore because I don't identify as a girl. So I wanted something a little more cool, and something that shouts out that I'm multifandom.

Following: 1282....

Followers: 99

Average Hours of Sleep: I try to get as much sleep as possible, but nowadays I just usually get around 9-10 hours

Lucky Number: 5

Instruments: I play no instruments now, but I did used to play the piano when I was in elementary. But I am quite fond of the violin as well.

What Am I Wearing: A black and white flannel with blue jeans

Dream Trip: New York and England

Favorite Food: It changes from time to time, but right now it's pizza. I'm craving pizza right now.

Nationality: American

Favorite Song: Changes from time to time, but at the moment it's December 1969 (Oh, What a Night) by Frankie Vallie and the Four Seasons

Last Book Read: The Novelization of Star Trek: The Motion Picture by Gene Roddenberry (I'm still in the middle of reading it)

Top 3 Fictional Universes I'd Like to Live In: Ummm.... I don't really think I wish to live in a different universe that comes to mind

Favorite Color: Rainbow

I really enjoyed doing these questions!!! I don't have very many mutuals, and some were already tagged, so I'm tagging the ones at the top of my mind:

@draculuu @maureenkpliskin @ichayalovesyou @a-very-salty-dragon @underslept-and-overdressed @stardustednerd @starfleet-memedom

[level20lesbian]

hi! do you think you could talk more about the more important side effects of taking hormones? or things you should know about it before deciding to? i'm not sure whether i want to or not, mostly because the whole infertile thing kind of scares me

Long post incoming!

If you’re asking about like, negative side effects, there’s really not that many. The most notable one for some people is, like you say, that you’re very likely to end up sterile after a bit. It turns out if you pull all the testosterone out of that particular system it tends to not work so well. There’s always the option of freezing sperm for if you wish to use it in the future, but I’m told it’s quite expensive (I didn’t bother with it so I dunno exactly how much).

Along with that there’s a chance that your overall sexual function will decrease somewhat. You may find it slightly more difficult to get and maintain an erection, although the chances of things completely not working are pretty slim.

People will tell you a lot that your libido will likely decrease but I’m gonna be totally honest if that’s ever happened to anyone I haven’t met them. If anything it seems more likely that it might increase as you get more comfortable with yourself.

This one I’m still not sure about but I’ve heard a lot of women corroborate it and my own experience seems to line up: there’s a possibility you start to experience some of the symptoms of PMS. Obviously you’re not gonna have an actual period, but a lot of the side effects of that process are hormone dependent, so you might find yourself going through a few days of discomfort every month. The types and severity of symptoms you experience depends on the person; even in afab folks there’s a pretty big variation from person to person. Personally I tend to get pretty nasty mood swings, fatigue, and really sore breasts.

Speaking of breasts, they’re not gonna go away even if you stop estrogen, but usually that’s part of the appeal so that’s probably not a problem. They will ache and be ridiculously sensitive pretty much constantly when they start coming in though, so I’d recommend investing in some really soft sports bras and some painkillers, and if you have habit of flopping down on your front break that now, cuz you’re gonna regret it sooooooo much the first time you do it after this starts.

If you have a family history of migraines but you don’t get them now there’s a chance you might be a little more susceptible after. I get them every now and then whereas before I think I’d had like two.

There’s a small chance you may shrink an inch or two, because your pelvis is gonna rotate forward a bit. It may also widen a bit depending on how young you are when you start. This I’ve gathered just from my own reading so I’m not 100% confident that’s entirely true, but it does seem to make sense, and would explain why I spent a few weeks with a significant amount of pain around my hips around the six month mark. Seriously, that was definitely the least enjoyable part of this whole experience.

Specifically about the medication, you’re gonna spend a few days being incredibly nauseous while your body adjusts right after you start, but that’ll pass. Spironolactone also makes you have to pee constantly for a few hours after you take it, and reduces your sodium levels quite a lot. You’ll have to make sure you drink plenty of fluids to avoid being dehydrated, and you’re gonna crave salty food, which you should eat plenty of to offset the medication. This is where the whole “trans girls love pickles” thing comes from.

Finally, there’s a few health things that your doctor is likely gonna bring up pretty often. Your chances for blood clots and breast cancer will increase, BUT what may not be entirely obvious from whatever info they give you is that that increase is still TINY. Blood clots aren’t very likely unless you’re predisposed already, and your chances of getting breast cancer are only slightly higher than a cis man’s (it can still happen tho, so learn how to do a self exam!). What they also likely won’t mention is that your chances of prostate cancer drop SIGNIFICANTLY. Again, you’re still gonna want to get checked once you’ve reached the age for that, but while it’s pretty common in cis men, it’s very rare in trans women.

And that’s pretty much everything I can think of. But if you think that sounds like a lot, the list of benefits has to be like, twenty times longer. It’s really insane how much changes; I don’t think I can put it all in one post.

[artificialqueens]

save your breath (Branjie) - PinkGrapefruit

A/N - Yo! I am back because all I ever do is write nowadays. I wrote this on a whim at 10 pm last night after a prompt someone sent in. Thanks to FreyKitten for beta-ing me and being an awesome human as per usual as i write weird lines about orchestras and carnations. It’s written to the song ‘save your breath’ by Adore Delano and is from Brookes POV. As always, all work is my own and although this is based on real people, both the characters and the story are my own interpretation and therefore fully fabricated. Enjoy! x

*

When you think about me

Do you remember when

You were all about me

Or am I just a myth?

Do you remember the way our hands intertwined? The fluttering of black on red that day by the tree. Do you remember that, baby? Because I do. I remember it like yesterday, my mind filled with clouds, and apple cider, and you. Because you feel like coming home and nothing will ever beat that feeling. You could give me a handjob and make it feel like a pas de deux. All graceful and elegant and shit. You could buy me a thousand purses and pumps and a goddamn planet but I would love nothing more than I love you. Because I love you like a cat loves catnip or some other analogy that I don’t have the heart to make up. You took my heart and crushed it under my own pointe shoes. You placed it prettily on the floor and watched me pirouette my way over it. If God is a woman, she is cruel and unwavering in her choices.

Do you remember that time by the beach? The one in Florida after I met the Mateos. That’s where I realised I love you. Not in some club in wherever the hell we were. Not even in Toronto when I watched you look, with so much joy, at the place I’m from. No, I realised it on a beach at 2 am when my mind was so addled by sleep that the tide was covering half my legs. When you pulled me up and made me dance with you under the stars of Tampa. Your head was heavy on my chest and your breath was warm. It smelled like Panda Express and cider and your hair of cologne and prop glitter. And then I took you to my hometown, God. We stood at the top of Church near Old Toronto and you wanted to see my old haunts so badly so I let you pull me into The Drink. Later you tugged me back out and demanded I showed you all of the touristy destinations so we hired bikes and cycled them all. We shared long, languid kisses in front of each and everyone and savoured each other like it would be our last hurrah.

Do you remember the way I took you in my arms that night? How I made you scream? How you told me you loved me in between sweaty sheets and heavy breaths. I remember the way that undeniable feeling of home swelled in me like a symphony. Like the violin solo reaching its crescendo and when we crashed back down like waves against the shore - the pitch, fuzzy in my ears. You are fortissimo, brash and loud but you can be kind when needed. Like pauses in the bar. I am mezzo-piano. I am moderately soft and though we both know I can get loud, I do not broadcast that. That is not the world’s secret to know. That is not yours to share.

I loved you hardest

Happy, just loving you

And to be honest

Sometimes I think I still do

It would take a lot for me to say that I do not love you. But the thing about love is that it is rarely enough. Love is never the sole emotion, it is always supported by others. You can have love and jealousy, love and rage, love and pure, unadulterated joy. But you never just have love. The same way that the organ supports the strings section, all other emotions support love because it is fickle. It is easy to break. It is easy to detune, destring, derail. Just like we were. And yet I love you. I love you like I am going to break if I stop. Like I will cease to exist. Loving you feels like I am constantly in the eye of the storm. The winds are swelling around me like the strings and you are the conductor. You are the maker of chaos and the ruler of the winds.  The king of my goddamn world. When did I forget that you’ve always been the king of the world?

I think about you a lot. It’s mostly just me wondering if you’re thinking about me too because this feels like I’m drowning and I don’t think you can save me anymore. I need to learn to swim or find a place, high and dry, to smoke a cigarette or two before I go down. It’s awfully hard to keep your head above the water when you can’t remember why you’re there. This ocean I am stuck in, this whirlpool I cannot escape, it’s just a storm in a teacup. The hurricane’s coming. We both know it will wipe us out.

I never thought leaving would be a precautionary measure. I didn’t realise that I needed caution till I met you but now I see that I was wrong. Because leaving is the biggest precaution one can make when trying not to get hurt and Lord knows I am the master of that. You don’t spend your life as a dancer without knowing how to avoid injury. You learn how to stretch. How to feel when a muscle is straining and how to differentiate between good and bad pain. I am the master of my body, I am the master of my soul. I am not the master of you. I know when my hip is about to go out, how long I can hold an arabesque to still move my knees. I have learned when to take off my pointe shoes and when to say enough is enough. Why can I never do that with you?

You’re losing oxygen

And I can’t find the words

You’re a fire that’s losing oxygen. A powder keg about to explode. You’re running out of fuel but you’ll blow up at any second and it's dangerous but I’ve always liked dangerous. I’ve  never feared getting burned. As I said, I know how to avoid getting hurt. It’s funny how we worked, how we would work if we weren’t overtired and underpaid and running on the fumes of tomorrows and good tequila. I’ve always been more of a vodka kinda gal but maybe that’s the Canadian in me. If you were here you’d make a joke a about having Canadian in me and we’d laugh and then I’d call you a hypocrite. One of us has had Canadian in him more often than the other.

I remember the way you burned on Drag Race. The way the fire within you would roar rather than just flicker. Because alcohol fuels fire, it doesn’t destroy it the same way that loneliness does. I’ve never been a fragile person but watching us again kills me a little. I long for the days when we weren’t so busy. When we had no reason not to be together. I don’t know where you found the words to impose this ban on us. I certainly don’t have any. We made our bed and now we have to lie in it but this time the bed is a single and there are two of us. Because this game shrunk the bed and I want to get out. Twitter is not a substitute for texting. It is not a substitute for love and affection and the physical closeness I crave.

This game we play is orchestrated but my feelings are not. Your fire does not control what I do or who I see or how they end up in my bed. I tell myself this in the hope that I will learn. In the hope that it will teach me not to fall in love again. Because you cannot play the violin to the tune of my soul. No drumbeat can replicate the beating of my heart when I held you in my arms and whispered love into your hair. I am someone else when I am in love, and you broke that.

The air is getting thin

Silence is all we heard

How’s the air up on your high horse? How do you feel in this atmosphere you’ve made? Are you jealous of me because I didn’t have to make the call? I was too naive to see that we couldn’t stay together. I wasn’t strong enough to fight the tide. The crashing waves of saltwater that burned all of my cuts. Every scar filled with salty tears and every painful thing I’ve felt exacerbated by the cool flow of the ocean. If you read this you’d tell me that I sounded like a Pisces and I’d be inclined to agree if that wasn’t so Libra of you. You’d say it like it’s a compliment but the context just screams insult. Isn’t that just adding insult to injury here?

We only talk online but really all that means is we haven’t spoken in months and you know how I was talking about an orchestra? Well, this newfound silence is deafening. It’s the long pause after that crash of the symbols. The day after the rain. It’s the quiet of an early morning but without you in bed with me and fuck. It hurts, baby. Your forte was always loud but I miss it now. I’ve never regretted being quiet before but I’m aching for the noise that you took away. My life has been one constant note. It never wavered until you. Then you came crashing in and it became a vibrato, technical and beautiful. And then you left. And it feels empty without the melodies. The harmonies we made were visible from the very beginning on Drag Race and whether we thank the editing for that or not, we both know it’s true. We were opposites in public but two peas in a pod alone.

When we would lay in bed, your head on my chest, my fingers grazing your tattoo and your hand in my hair: that’s the only place you were quiet. The air was heavy with love and familiarity and it pooled in my stomach like summer and home. It trickled down your neck like hot chocolate, soft and smooth and filled your lungs with flowers till you coughed up petals onto our bed. Red carnations for love. Bouvardia doubles for life. Sweet pea for departure after a good time. Now silence looks like sweet peas and sex hair and I can’t live my life in that.

You know our last goodbye

Keeps playing through my mind like

Ah ah ah

My mind feels like a compilation video these days. It’s taken every good moment we had and made a supercut. One day I will take it and splice it, titling it happiness.mov. I will watch it until I am old and haggard. When my legs are feeble and I’ve lost all muscle tone in my body. When life has drained from my eyes and my feet no longer support me en pointe. That is when I will let go of these memories. You see, in a way, they made me who I am. Every kiss you gave me, slow and soft under harsh club lights. Every green room I waited in for you and vice versa. Every dollar of tip money I’ve thrown at you - that’s part of me now. You are part of me and I will carry you in my heart like a scarlet letter.

The last time we said goodbye felt more like a hello. It was warm and quick but the way you smiled isn’t something you can fake. Neither of us can act but we are clever enough to play pretend when we need to. We are too young to know better but too old to be fooled. I was not fooled. You directed Courtney with ease, told her what to do like the producers did back then and when I looked at you, you whispered something. So soft, I didn’t hear what it was, but I got lost in you all the same. You still smelt like apple cider and dreams and when you placed your small hands on my waist - when you pulled me in as you did in Florida and in Toronto; well, I could have sworn I heard angels sing. I felt you smile into me and I know you welcomed the feeling too.

I am grateful to Courtney and Nina for suggesting we did that. I am grateful for the video that I have watched a million times. It hurts less than watching Drag Race. Maybe that’s because I know that this wasn’t in our honeymoon phase. Now we have a grip on reality and we aren’t just letting the waves pull us together. We’ve swum through the riptide and I can’t say that we’re stronger but we’re certainly still here.

I often let my mind wander when I am in the depths of despair. I question whether you have watched the video like I have. Whether you will view it with the same sliver of hope and painfully real emotion. I wonder if it stirs your heart and messes with your head to see two people look so in love. If it breaks you down a little to see us look so in love. We may be too old to be fooled but we aren’t near old enough to be blind. Nina made me promise when she sent that video, promise not to go mad. Her warning was belated. All I smell is sweet peas and apple cider and Tampa Bay - and I wouldn’t change it for the world.

Love was already dead

Did you know, red carnations are common in funeral bouquets? They say the word ‘carnation’ comes from the Latin, God in the flesh, and in that case, I suppose I understand how they link to you. If you are a carnation, red like anger and love. I am a peony. Bashful and compassionate and completely indignant. I am angry because this is an injustice, I am indignant to the world and to you. I love you bashfully and with my whole self. I love you with compassion and joy and I long for the good health and prosperity that peonies symbolise. If God is a woman, let her have the heart to see that we cannot be over just yet, I am not content with being a peony. I wish to be a daffodil of new hopes and beginnings. I would like you to join me in them.

Love was already dead

What do oceans and orchestras and flowers and fires and God have in common? You. You are the fire that burns in the dead of winter, keeping the rest of the world warm even if it means you burn out. Too selfless to save yourself, too selfish to let me burn out with you. You are the ocean that swallows me whole and deposits me back on the shore when I swim too far out. You are the conductor of symphonies that all bear my name. Every piece is personal and swells and dips like the North Sea. You play gracefully although your instrument isn’t typical for a twenty-something drag queen. You are the red carnation to my peony even though I pray that one day we will both be daffodils in March, swaying in the gentle breeze with the early sun on our backs. You are the controller of my fate, the author of my destiny. With every breath I take in, I exhale blue roses. I can’t have you but I can’t stop thinking about you. That sounds about right.

Love was already dead

So save your breath

Our love isn’t dead, but you can’t just talk your way out of this one, babe.

Do you remember us?

Because I do.

[chelbequeen]

When I pms its really all over the place.

Mostly though I get a craving for a very random but very specific food, sometimes lollipops, cookies, cheese, pickles,chips, zebra cakes, salty meat, thyme and rosemary.

Or no appetite at all.

And almost always drained of all energy. I get a lot more sleep before my period. Idk why I didn't notice sooner than I was pmsing.

Nah I'm lying, I should have known, but I wanted to believe me being rest the last week was because of other reasons. Regardless at least my body got she rest.

[shvtas-blog]

INTERMITTENT FASTING // ● Simplify your life, ease weight management, and boost your energy levels ● . . 📍Amidst the lockdown and #covid19 stress , often we are indulging ourself in overeating and beign eating ! . 🌼The food we eat determines how we feel, look, and think. 🌼Fasting and mindful eating = a right lifestyle . . 🔅Fasting can be seen as a doorway to mindful eating by appreciating food more and making a conscious decision of what to eat instead of giving in to quick mouth pleasure. It comes with several additional benefits too . 🔅The healthier you eat, the less you’ll crave food. ▪️Food cravings are the result of an overconsumption of mostly salty, fried, greasy or sugary and sweet dishes that all have in common to be rich in calories. . . ➡️You eat -- You experience the pleasure --- Your brain saves it -- next time it craves it ⬅️ . . ♾How to get started♾ . . 🌼Intermittent fasting is a systematic way to approach your eating pattern and diet. I don’t have to think about what and when I have to eat. I no longer freak out when I haven’t eaten something for a few hours. That saves me mental energy; energy that I can spend on taking care of important tasks at home . . . 🌻If you want to change your life for the better, it is time to take action. 🌻It isn’t that hard ! 🌻Start with the following easy practice of intermittent fasting. . . 👉Limit the hours of the day when you eat to 8 Hours only ( & fast for 16 hours ), and for best effect, make it earlier in the day (e.g. 10 am to 6 pm, but definitely not in the evening before bed). Not eating before going to bed will result in stable glucose levels improving your sleep. In the eating period, only eat 2–3 times. . 💛Pick quality food and enjoy each bite!💛Eating can be an extremely joyful experience. . . . 📍Do leave your questions/queries regarding #Intermittentfasting In Comment Sections 🌼HAPPY TO HELP !! . . . . . #shvtas #Influencers #momfluence #momsofinstagram #healthyliving #fastingforhealth #healthylifestyle #indianmomfluencer #indianmomblogger #lifestyleblogger https://www.instagram.com/p/B-Zv-2uHZFF/?igshid=tg8thd744x9f

[lunacwolphe]

I was tagged by @resonance-of-libra 1. Nicknames Wolfmother/wolf momma/ momma wolf...do you see a theme? I have a theme ^_^ and Lunac 2. Gender Female...mostly 3. Star sign Such a Cancer 4. Height 5'3" 5. Time 7:14 pm EST 6. Birthday June 28 7. Favorite bands Highly Suspect, Nathaniel Rateliff and the Night Sweats, The Devil Makes Three, etc. 8. Favorite Solo artist Gin Wigmore, Dorothy.... 9. Song stuck in my head It's always either "Da Da Da" by Trio or "Whoo Hoo" by Blur 10. Last Movie watched INFINI....so weird...but awesome 11. Last show watched My choice: Family Guy. Now that Husband is in bed I'm watching Bones. 12. When did I create my blog Like 3-4 years ago. 13. What do I post It's supposed to be a witchcraft blog but now it's just a mishmash of awesome and witchcraft. 14. Last thing I googled Whoo hoo song Blur (I didn't believe that was the title...it is) 15. Do you have other blogs I'm down to about 4-5 side blogs here but I also still have my old tumblr up. 16. Do you get asks Not as often as I'd like. 17. Why did you choose your url This was supposed to be a strictly witchcraft blog and lunac is my nickname... 18. Following 188. I unfollow if inactive after a month. 19. Followers 708 20.Favorite colors Silver, dark greens and blues 21. Average hours of sleep During the week I get about 5. On weekends I get 9-10. 22. Lucky number I get a lot of combinations of 2,6, and 8 in a lot of things 23. Instruments Not a bloody one. 24. What am I wearing My salty kisses tank and red booty shorts...oh and a skull bandana 25. How many blankets I sleep with One quilt and one sheet. 26. Dream job Road warrior 27. Dream trip Right now I crave the ocean. 28. Favorite food So not an easy question. I love a lot of food. 29. Nationality American ('MURICA!) 30. Favorite show right now iZombie and Wynonna Earp I'm tagging @witchofkeys and whoever else wants in on this fun. (I talk to a few of y'all but I dunno who wants to do this so please do and pretend I actually tagged you) Blank set of questions for easier C+P 1. Nicknames 2. Gender 3. Star sign 4. Height 5. Time 6. Birthday 7. Favorite bands 8. Favorite Solo artist 9. Song stuck in my head 10. Last Movie watched 11. Last show watched 12. When did I create my blog 13. What do I post 14. Last thing I googled 15. Do you have other blogs 16. Do you get asks 17. Why did you choose your url 18. Following 19. Followers 20.Favorite color 21. Average hours of sleep 22. Lucky number 23. Instruments 24. What am I wearing 25. How many blankets I sleep with 26. Dream job 27. Dream trip 28. Favorite food 29. Nationality 30. Favorite show right now

[laprincesseecarlate]

You’ve got mail (NSFW)

Rating: Explicit/NSFW Content! 

Summary: Raven sent him a boob pic. And they are very nice breasts, but he’s not exactly sure what the protocol is for situations like that. He should reply in kind, right? It’s only fair. Some sort of quid pro quo : I show you mine, you show me yours?

AO3 link

Raven sent him a boob pic.

It’s a surprise. A rather pleasant surprise, her breasts look amazing, but still a surprise. And sure he’s thought about her chest before, and pretty much every inch of her; he always had a thing for the brunette. Her dedication to her work, her wit, her smile, her body: from the soft round shape of her shoulder to the gentle swell of her breasts… He’s in deep, no use in denying that. So it is a nice surprise and they are very, very nice boobs, with perfectly placed freckles and he’s going a little bit insane. But they don’t usually exchange message like that. It’s mostly about mission protocol, how to finally catch that serial killer the team’s been after, or who’s ordering Chinese for the stakeout… They work together. So this, this is new to him and he’s not really sure how to react.

And maybe she’s just drunk?

But it’s only 9.30 pm. On a Thursday night. And he knows for a fact she barely drinks. So he just stares at the picture that has established a direct connection between his eyes and his now very hard cock. He should reply in kind, right? It’s only fair. Some sort of quid pro quo : I show you mine, you show me yours?

So he sends Raven a dick pic. And it’s a tasteful dick pic, if he might say so himself. It’s not just a zoom in of his erected member, ‘cause that would be gross. It shows the lower half of his body, thighs spread apart, his hard cock resting against his abdomen, while his right hand massages his balls. He even paid attention to the lighting so that his length casts a shadow on his abs. So yes, as far as dick pics go, it’s a nice one. And really, all would have been great if he hadn’t sent his message right when Raven sent another one saying: ‘OMG. I’m so sorry Sera went through my phone. I’m so sorry. Please just pretend you didn’t see that. Please!’

So yeah. It’s around 10 pm on a Thursday night and he just sent a dick pic to the co-worker he’s been in love with for the past two years, because fucking Sera played a prank on him. AGAIN ! And he has receipts notifications turned on, so he knows she’s seen his dick. And clearly he meant to send it. He can hardly pretend it was a mistake and go ‘Oops my bad, wrong number’ when it’s pretty fucking clear he was replying to her text. Except it wasn’t her text.

That freaking elf.

Cullen starts pacing his living room like a caged lion, his left hand running through his untamed curls before settling on the nape of his neck. He’s going insane for the second time tonight, for a completely different reason, and needless to say his cock isn’t hard anymore. He has to think of something.

Worst case scenario: she shows the photo to Sera (or worse: Dorian) and they make fun of him for a few months, maybe a few years if Varric is in on it too. Shame colours his cheeks with heat at the simple thought of the dwarf’s sly, knowing smirk, but he can survive that. Now best case scenario: she doesn’t tell anyone. They exchange one or two embarrassed glances, maybe even a few smiles, and it stays a private joke. He’ll be even more awkward around Raven and will never have a chance with her, ever again (not that he ever had one), but he can survive that too. What he doesn’t know is what he should do now. Should he call her? Pretend like nothing happened? What is the protocol for sending dick pics to your partner?

He would probably have spent a few more hours thinking about the situation and maybe Googled the appropriate course of action if a soft knock hadn’t interrupted his inner monologue. He strides over to the door but before he can fully open it, Raven launches herself at him and captures his mouth in a passionate kiss that has them both stumbling around the room until Cullen manages to stabilize them. She doesn’t let go of him though, arms looped around his neck, her hands buried in his hair. And he doesn’t recoil either despite his surprise.

He’s not sure how long the kiss lasted. He’s too happy to care and too confused to fully realize what’s happening. She texted she didn’t send the pic, that Sera did. Yet she’s here, in his living room, her perfect body pressed against his, fingers playing with the blond curls at the back of his neck. And she’s kissing him and… Andraste’s flaming ass what is going on?

Just as she had started the kiss, Raven is also the one to end it. She disentangles herself from him, a bit disheveled and out of breath, and takes a step back, hands flat on his chest as to keep him afar. She draws a deep breath and bites her bottom lip like she always does when she’s deep in thought or, more likely, embarrassed about something. When she finally looks up at him, she has a wary smile on her face and the most adorable shade of embarrassed pink on her cheeks.

“You meant to send the picture, right? I didn’t misread that?”

“I did… but you said you didn’t?” He queries.

“No, I…” Raven takes another step back, hands falling to her side as she nibbles her lips once more. “I did mean to send it but then 30 minutes passed and you didn’t reply, so I… I started freaking out and I sent the text about Sera messing with my phone. But then I got your text and I didn’t know how to explain so I came here,” she babbles, avoiding his gaze.

Cullen clears his throat. He hadn’t realize how much time had passed before sending his photo. The thought of her being nervous hadn’t even occured to him. Raven was a force to be reckoned with when it came to work and he always assumed she had the same confidence in every other aspect of her life.

“ Sorry about that. I was trying to be… artistic?”

“It was a very nice picture.” She confesses, taking a step towards him to close the distance she had put between them.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

He moves closer to her, faces inches away from each other and he can fee the heat emanating from her body. They stay like that for a few minutes, staring awkwardly at each other like two love struck teenagers rather than two 30-something FBI agents. But… It feels nice. It feels right.

“So… no Sera involved?” He finally asks.

“Nope. No Sera involved.”

“Good.”

Cullen’s hands roams under her round ass to pick her up and she instinctively wraps her legs around him with a giggle. He takes her to his room and he’s the one kissing her this time. A slow, deliberate kiss filled with hunger an desire. And above all an irrepressible need to be together. So there is nothing romantic or sensual about the way they undress, clumsy fingers unbuttoning their pants, clothes flying everywhere… but neither of them care. They are too engrossed in each other to notice the mess, their minds solely focused on getting their skin to touch. And as soon as the last garment hits the floor, their hands get back to work, curious fingers mapping the other’s body. But it’s not enough. He’s craving to taste her. He wants to trace every constellation of freckles with his tongue, kiss every inch of smooth skin. So he walks her back towards the bed, his hands still exploring her curves, and lowers her down. She looks beautiful, her dark locks spilling across his pillow, and his mouth dries at the expanse of bronze skin offered to his hungry gaze.

“So beautiful” he murmurs. And the reverence in his tone makes it sound like a confession, almost a secret. Heat rises to Raven’s cheeks and she tries to shy away from his stare but he distracts her with a slow, open-mouth, kiss that has them both light-headed and whimpering.

He abandons her lips only to bury his nose in the crook of her neck and breathe her in. He’d recognize her scent anywhere: the subtle mix of gun powder and cinnamon that is inherently her and it fuels his hunger even more. So he licks up the column of her neck, savoring the saltiness of her skin as he strokes the inside of her thigh, his calloused fingers sending shivers straight to her core. Every caress getting closer to her sex is rewarded by appreciative humming sounds, that transform into wanton moans when his nimble fingers part her wet folds to tease her clit. She calls him a tease and it makes him smirk against her neck.

“Not teasing,” he counters, his index pushing inside her heat, “just exploring.”

And exploring he does. His mouth descends from her throat to her cleavage and finally settles on her left breast. He gently nips at her hardened nipple, his finger still coming in and out of her and the sounds she makes feel like music to his ears. Obscene little whines that only spur him on. He would have been content to just stay like that: his mouth going from one breast to the other, alternating between tiny bites and soft caresses, when her voice comes out breathy:

“I want you inside me.”

“Already am” he taunts, adding a second finger to his ministrations.

“Stop playing Rutherford.”

Cullen chuckles at her commanding tone but he’s too happy to oblige. He moves up to kiss her again, deep and dirty, and aligns his hips with hers before entering her with a long groan. She feels so wet and tight and perfect around him. He quickly gets lost in the sensations. Everything disappears until he is left with only her: the smoothness of her skin, the needy tone of her voice, her nails scraping his shoulder… Everything is her.

Finding the right rhythm comes easily to them. After two years of being partners they have learned how to move together. He knows how she sucks in a breath before taking a shot, she knows he flexes his hands when he’s nervous. It’s like an well-practiced routine: familiar and safe but also exciting and new. They set a slow pace, almost torturous, that drives them both mad with pleasure. He moves inside her with long, hard, thrusts until he feels her get impossibly tighter around him. Her body grows tense and he can feel her walls clench around his cock. He keeps his eyes locked on her face: she looks magnificent, her back arched off the bed and her mouth open in a silent ‘O’ of ecstasy. He keeps fucking her as she rides out her orgasm, chasing after his own. His name falls from her lips like a broken prayer, and it’s almost enough to take him over the edge. The feeling of her wanting him, needing him… it’s intoxicating. And it takes only a few more thrusts, hard and fast, before he comes undone; spilling deep inside her with a deep growl.

They stay like that for a few seconds, tangled in each other, breaths heavy and gasping. Then he rolls to the side and they both stare at the ceiling in sated silence. It’s not weird or awkward between them. They’re comfortable just being next to each other : it feels right. Until she lets out a pouty sigh that has him a bit alarmed.

“Something’s wrong?”

“I’m thinking I’ll have to delete your picture.”

“Why?”

“Sera does go through my phone from time to time.”

“Oh. Yes, that’s probably best. But… you know you have full access to me and all of my body anytime you want right?”

“Mhmm. But it was a really nice photo,” she says, looking at him with a cheeky grin. “Maybe I should do some exploring of my own and take a few mental pictures.”

And just like that she is straddling him and kissing him again; a smirk tugging at her lips before she moves down to his already half hard cock.

[vsplusonline]

This naturopath from Delhi has been on a raw food diet for 34 years

New Post has been published on https://apzweb.com/this-naturopath-from-delhi-has-been-on-a-raw-food-diet-for-34-years/

This naturopath from Delhi has been on a raw food diet for 34 years

Brij Bhushan Goel is an insurance advisor who lives in Shalimargh Bagh, Delhi, in a family of seven. While his day job sees him advising people over the phone on insurance products, his passion is to talk naturopathy. Having got a diploma in naturopathy and yoga from the International Foundation of Health and Yoga, Delhi, in 1988, he has practised the oldest form of healing for 34 years. Through this time he has been on a raw diet.

What made you begin eating raw foods?

It was while formally studying naturopathy in 1986 that I first came across the concept of raw food. As an experiment, I stayed on raw foods for 10 days. I felt very good and that made me research further. Through my research, I discovered that raw foods can give one a balanced diet with proteins, carbohydrates, fats, fibres, vitamin and minerals. I also realised that raw foods have a lot of variety: fruits, seeds, dry fruits and also cover all tastes: sweet, sour, salty, bitter, pungent and astringent. Within 10 days I was able to see changes in my body.

What kind of changes did you notice?

Well, it wasn’t like I was sick or had a particular disease, but I used to get tired after a day’s work. Within 10 days of switching to raw food, I saw my stamina and energy increase. I felt much lighter and less lethargic.

Wasn’t it difficult initially?

Not really. I never forced myself. If I had a great urge to eat cooked food or a strong craving, I indulged in it. But I felt I was doing an experiment on myself, so I closely watched how my body felt after I ate cooked food. I could see the difference and within two to three months my cravings went away. I started discussing what I was learning in my naturopathy course with my wife. She too tried it. There has been no looking back since.

What about the rest of the household?

Initially the rest of the family members ate mostly cooked food. But slowly they moved to a 50-50 diet. Everyone eats at least one plate of fruits, one of salad, and drinks one glass of vegetable juice daily.

Daily meals

Brij Bhushan Goel’s food day looks like this:

Morning 4 glasses of water stored overnight in a copper vessel

8:30 am Breakfast: 1 glass vegetable juice: carrots, or bottle gourd, or cucumber as base, with other seasonal vegetables; four or five tulsi and neem leaves

11 am Lunch: 4-5 types of seasonal fruits, a piece of raw coconut, two walnuts and some dates (all carbohydrate rich); sometimes a few spoons of sesame paste (sesame seeds soaked overnight and grounded).

7 pm Dinner: Sprouts (any lentil) and vegetable salad (with added ginger, mint or coriander leaves) plus raw peanuts and dry fruits (soaked).

How do you manage in social situations — at a wedding or when you’re invited to dinner, for instance?

Initially when I went to people’s houses, I would tell them I only eat raw foods. Relatives would often get hassled trying to find something to feed me and also feel bad if they couldn’t. So I stared saying I am on a complete fast. That solved a lot of problems. My wife and I always try and eat before going for larger functions. Sometimes these functions have fruits laid out, but at times we don’t find anything to eat. Over time I have seen people change. The same people who use to insist that I eat something cooked earlier, now serve fruits along with other items whenever there is a gathering in their homes.

What about the excessive pesticide use that we are witnessing today?

Pesticides are chemicals that will remain the same whether you cook or don’t cook. The main thing is to wash and clean everything thoroughly. We wipe everything with a dry cloth after washing. Take the example of grapes: DDT is sprayed on them. That is why you will see white spots emerge on washed grapes. We just wipe the grapes with a clean cloth.

Are there any principles you follow?

I soak everything that is hard or very dry before eating — not roast or heat, but soak. This includes dried fruits, nuts and seeds. To draw the benefit out of food, it must get properly digested. Hard or dry things, if not soaked adequately can cause more harm than good. I don’t drink milk or tea of any kind. If I ever feel the need, I drink coconut water or honey and lemon water. I don’t add salt to anything; most vegetables have their own salt. I only eat condiments that I can eat raw, like ginger, mint, coriander, and turmeric. While all grains can be sprouted, not all get soft enough to eat raw. It’s difficult with beans like rajma, but sprouted wheat is soft. I eat that as well as raw sweet corn.

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[itsamalaphor]

Taste (3.9.17)

How much do you want to know about a person? Do you want to know everything about them? The things that they won’t ever admit to themselves or others? The answer is deceptively simple. Taste them. The way a person tastes will tell you more than their truths or lies ever will. Do they smoke? Do they drink? Coffee or tea? Water or soda? Weed or adderall? Taste them.

For the sake of accuracy, and curiosity. I taste like mint when I’m paying attention to it. Like blueberry coffee when I’m home or when I’m homesick. I taste like too much fruit and just enough salt. A tisch like bloody copper and sweat dried on skin. And like bad decisions. 

She tastes... tasted... tastes like coffee. Hazelnut. Iced. Two cream. One Splenda. Mix in a hint of last nights minty toothpaste, never forgotten no matter how drunk, and the whiff of her discontinued C.K Be. It is a taste I will never forget. And sometimes you will drink hazelnut coffee just to remember the way she tastes. To relive those endless afternoons on a rainy beach. To remember where it all began and feel the twang in your heart that you know will never fade. And by you, I mean I will never forget the way she tastes. 

He tastes like scotch, even though he barely got a sip, and that was only the first time. But the scotch from his mouth and the mint from mine mixed. And that is the only taste that I can recall. He tastes like black coffee drank from cold from a growler in the middle of the day, and hot from a mug at eleven pm on a school night. When I think about it, he tastes like darkness and skylines at two am. And you will avoid scotch to avoid the taste of him. And by you, I mean I try not to remember the way he tastes. 

The others, I remember their tastes in flashes. A girl that tastes like caramel and summer sweat and sunscreen. Another girl who tastes like pineapple and tofu and homemade chocolate sauce and cheap wine drank in the middle of the night in the middle of a park. I remember the taste of a boy, the sweet and fruity drinks he bought me still on his own lips. The warmth of his skin beneath my teeth, his pulse. I remember another, nothing more than a name in a bar who tasted like  the beer that he had been drinking for the past three hours. 

Every now and then one of the people who aren't him or her will stand out. Another tall boy from another state in the midwest will taste like Jack and Coke. And you don’t like that for yourself. But you love the taste of it off his lips, standing on the legs of barstools just to be tall enough to kiss him. You’ll fuck him because you haven't been able to keep your eyes off him, through a day of work and a night at the bar. Because he checks off all the marks on your list, because you like him and he helps you forget all the things you aren't supposed to think about it. And by you will, I mean I did fuck him. 

I’ve tasted my best friends too. The girls, squared. One of them, the one I’ve known longer, tastes sweet. Like too much warm punch and too much chocolate, held for just a moment too long on your tongue. And her ribs taste like her detergent and her soap and the the wine from my own mouth. The other. The new girl, somehow just as close as the first, tastes like the earth. Bitter and close and new. She tastes like pumpkin rum and homemade soup and like the first time you jump off a cliff. 

And then there is the boy, with a taste that I can’t quite name. In the morning, when I kiss him goodbye, he tastes like mint. Like impatience, as he longs for a coffee he will soon have. Kissing him goodnight tastes like the mascato that I like, and the beer that he likes. At midnight, he tastes like me. Wet and warm and salty-sweet, kissing me, with my knees still on his shoulders. But it is the times between, at two am and at four pm that I can’t identify the taste. There is a hint of mocha and a hint of mint and of rum. But mostly the boy tastes like home. Like something I have finally found and should not give up. Like being where I belong. 

But sometimes... 

Sometimes it isn't enough. Sometimes I crave the taste of him. His scotch and dark, cool nights. I crave the passion of being pressed against her truck with the taste of hazelnut and cologne on my lips and in my mouth. I want the things i can't have because once you get the first taste, you can never truly let it go. Like an addiction, that you are afraid to admit that you have. There is never enough to go around. There will always be a place in your heart and on your tongue for the every thing that you will spend forever craving. 

And by you, of course, I mean me.