#moving my head at all right now makes me completely lose my sense of balance and go really dizzy

[thethingything]

y'know I feel like I deserve some kind of award for putting up with so many triggers (both for our PTSD and for our OCD and psychosis) while sleep deprived, essentially jetlagged (from flipping our sleep schedule in one day), experiencing a migraine so bad we can't stop shaking, experiencing sensory overload for 8+ hours a day from loud noises that are also making the migraine worse, and getting constant flashbacks for multiple days in a row

[d6volution]

im a need a cain x reader smut, but like the reader can get in heat since there a type of animal i dont know what animal you can choose one. so like the reader chooses caine to release their thung idk i was thinkinh about it and now im trhiving to jhave it written so ofcourse i came to my fav writers inbox

i get it! im not the best at writing heat fics (i dont think??) but i tried 🤧

Caine/Cat Hybrid!Reader

(afab parts)

tags: bondage, reader in heat, man handling

minors dni | nsfw below the cut.

It had been years in this digital world, and with every new person to enter Jax was  always the only anthropomorphic animal to be in the circus. Until you came along, cat like ears sprouted from your head and tail protruding from where your tailbone should be.

Of course the other members either reacted in awe, or just didn't really care. Or some in between like Jax who loved pulling at your ears and tail as it usually made you squeak like a toy.

Even Caine wasnt immune to your cuteness it seemed, he'd make the odd comment about your apperance here and there but it was always positive. Maybe that's why you chose him..? Or maybe it was because he was the showrunner, he had power and could protect you and ... your young. That's usually the things mates would looked for..? Right? Damn it you didn't know. You were human before all this was completely new to you. But your body didn't care, this.. heat cycle hit you like a sack of bricks. You'd been holed up in your room for a few days now, ignoring the knocks at your door.

Lest you jump on the person on the other side of the door and beg them to fuck you until you can't remember your name.

You thought maybe after taking care of yourself this .. feeling would go away but no, you came on your fingers several times but it wasn't close to being enough. It was like you were losing yourself to this feeling, all you could think about was being filled..

In the haze of your thoughts Caine came to mind again, you knew his opinion on things like this but you had to try. Something.. anything, and pray that in the process to getting to his room you wouldn't run into anyone else..

A few moments later when you got the resolve to finally peek out of your room you moved as quickly as you could in your state, luckily remembering the path to the ringmasters quarters. A big grand red door was at the end of the hall and you tugged at the door but it didn't budge.

"C.. Caine.. ? You there..?" Your voice sounded pathetic, dripping with need. A soft mewl even escaped your lips in frustration.

It felt like a century until you felt eyes on you, but.. from behind you. It was Caine just floating there, in the same confusion as yourself. "C.. Caine? Why aren't you in your room?" Your senses were going ballistic now, it cried for you to present yourself to him. Beg for him to take you right here and now.

"Simple, my dear! I don't sleep! This room is merely a prop of sorts!" He retorted, "Are.. you alright, y/n? You're looking a little, under the weather." He seemed to actually be concerned, and you started squirming.

"N.. No I need.." Your ears flattened out of embarrassment, tail wrapping around your leg for self comfort. "need.." Your voice trailed off, "... s'your fault Caine.. you made me like this..!"

"Now, now, calm down y/n I don't necessarily get to choose your new bodies—!" You cut him off by pawing at his leg, clinging to it to keep him in place. He tried to keep his balance.

"Please Caine.. need you.." You nuzzled at his leg, then moved up his thigh trying to nuzzle at his crotch as the smell of him was inviting you. "T.. This is hardly appropriate, let's *ahem* get you inside." Caine looked both ways to assure no one had saw you two. He then scooped you up by the waist, holding you like luggage and carrying you inside his room.

As soon as you two were in the room he dropped you onto the bed unceremoniously.

Caine tugged at his tie and allowed it to loosen up, "Well, now. What to do with you." He snapped his fingers and you were bound to the bed in a very lewd manner, knees bent and pressed at your chest being held by red ropes that seemed to match his suit. "C... Caine wha.." You whimpered, tears forming in your eyes as he seemed to just be toying with you.

"Tsk, tsk this won't do at all! You're making a mess of your clothes!" And now they were gone too, you instinctively pulled your binds helplessly. "Please.." You whined, not knowing exactly what you were pleading for.

"Yes, yes.. I think I know what's happening to you, now be patient dear! I'm breaking many a rule for you, y'know!" He said, now appearing suddenly in between your legs , two gloved fingers delving into your cunt suddenly. "Hhck..!" Your ears pointed straight up out of shock and your body moved against the binds again, "Come now you can handle this!"

"N.. Not that.. need.. you inside.. please.." Your cunt was senstive sure, but it was more frustrating that he was using his fingers, "Please Caine.. breed me.." Your words made him swallow and he had to compose himself. He was only doing this because he had to, he couldn't have to wandering off and trying to pounce on anyone else!

He pulled himself from his pants, he didn't realize until now that his cock was straining against them a few moments ago. You desperately wanted to present yourself to him, spread your cunt and open your legs but he had you tied up like some kind of animal.

His tip nudged at your cunt, the slick causing him to slip past your hole a few times. You mewled and bucked your hips a little as if to encourage him.

Another thrust and he buried himself completely inside of you, your cunt swallowing him up immediately, it was like he was made for you. You were made for each other. "Ngh.. there we go, stubborn little thing.." He said with a grunt, hovering over your body. 

He was finally inside of you and your body begged you not to let him go, not until he came inside of you at least three or four times at least! "Caine.. more .. mn.." He felt like you were calm enough to get rid of the bindings so he did, snaping his fingers and they seemed to fade away into the air.

Your legs immediately wrapped around him, tugging him closer.

"How impatient, very well then. Hold tight my dear," He said, hands planted on the sides of your head as he started to move his hips, rocking into your cunt. Your eyes fluttered shut, ear twitching a little as a soft purring sound rumbled in your chest.

His thrusts picked up speed quickly, you were responding so well to them that he was slowly beginning to loose himself as well. Family friendly? Behind the doors of his room that would have to disappear from now on. "Nh.. thats right.. to keep everyone.. in check!" His words matched the rhythm of his heavy thrusts.

"Hha.. Caine, caine..!" You cried out, legs tugging him closer, "N.. Need your cum.. make me pregnant p-please..!"

His hips stuttered a little, your words seemed to be getting to him whether he liked it or not. He shoved two fingers into your mouth to keep you quiet so he could focus. How distracting your dirty mouth could be was impressive. Your moans and cries were muffled, saliva dirtying his gloves.

Caine put his full weight behind his thrusts , your smaller form quite literally being fucked into the mattress. "Nnhg, almost there, y/n..! Be a dear and a cum with me." He said in a mocking voice, his hand removing itself from your mouth and instead pushing your lower stomach. Adding more pressure to your already stuffed cunt.

"Gh..hhaa.. Caine, cu.. cumming.. cumming..!" You yelped and clung to him, legs keeping him locked in so he couldn't pull away from you. He'd be force to fill your cunt to the brim. "Inside.. fill me up..!" Your tongue lulled past your lips , cunt clamping down on his dick as you hand a nearly blinding orgasm.

Caine couldn't help it, your cunt was practically milking him and he spilled into your cunt without a second thought. Though he didn't seem at all out of breath.

"Well that sure was.. something.." Caine noted, his dick still twitching inside of you as the last few spurts of cum filled your stuffed cunt.

You panted, looking up at him with half lidded eyes, a lewd smile painting your lips. "Caine.. m'not done.. need more.."

Did he really think one round would be enough?

[forfucksakesniall]

"Breaking Point"

Pairing: Lewis Hamilton x Soft!Reader

Summary: In a world of fame, love, and shattered expectations, Lewis Hamilton and his partner find themselves at a crossroads. With tensions high and emotions raw, their relationship hangs in the balance.

Word Count: 2,519

Trigger warning/Content advisory: Possessiveness, arguments, emotional manipulation, intense emotions, privacy invasion, stalking, emotional conflict, verbal arguments, and intimate moments between characters. Reader discretion is advised.

Masterlist

Lewis Hamilton had another exhausting day with his meetings, leaving you with nothing to do. Bored, you checked your phone for any fun events in the area when suddenly a friend called.

"Where have you been??" she asked, clearly annoyed.

"What do you mean? I've been home all day," you replied, stating the obvious.

"Yeah, just being pampered at home," she retorted.

"Hey! He's not always home, this is our only time together, okay!" you defended yourself.

"Yeah, yeah," she giggled.

She convinced you to go out for dinner and a few drinks. Her argument made sense because you rarely got to spend time with Lewis due to his busy schedule.

You thought, "It's just a few hours. He's out too, and he'll be out late anyway. Maybe going out won't be so bad, right?" 

Oh, how wrong you were.

Lewis has always been the archetypal doting boyfriend-overprotective, always watching out for you. Some may find it weird, but to you, it's charming and perfectly acceptable. You understand that his fame attracts unwanted attention from the paparazzi. Now that you're a part of his life, being the private person that he is, it becomes even more challenging for him. The thought of others knowing about you creates anxiety within him. He constantly worries when he doesn't know your whereabouts or how you're doing.

You never want him to worry about you or add to the stress he already feels from his work. You make an effort to stay out of the public eye and avoid drawing attention online. However, people always manage to find a way.

Once, when you went out to buy groceries, they somehow discovered where you lived and began stalking you near your apartment. Since Lewis would always come over to hang out. When Lewis found out about it, he insisted that you move in with him to prevent any further incidents from happening.

But ever since that, You could proudly say that you've been quite successful in keeping a low profile these past few weeks.

You carefully picked a secluded spot that would shield you from any curious gazes.

As you prepared for dinner, you chose a delightful outfit and adorned yourself with some charming jewelry, courtesy of Lewis. You applied a touch of natural makeup and styled your hair with care. Just before leaving, you almost forgot to text Lewis that you were going out, but you remembered how easily he worries. So, you just grabbed your purse and headed out.

Your friends arrived to pick you up, and together you went on your date night to the restaurant, eager for a delightful night.

After what felt like an eternity, you were having the most incredible night. It was a blissful escape from the daily routine, surrounded by ambient music and a crowd of people absorbed in their own affairs.

Phone rings, displaying Lewis's name

Lewis: Hey, baby, our plans might wrap up sooner than anticipated. Want me to pick up dinner for us? 10:30pm

Lewis: I'll grab our favorite vegan dishes from that spot we tried last week. 10:45pm

Lewis: Are you busy? 10:57pm

Lewis: Baby?? 11:10pm

Missed call from Lewis (1)

Missed calls from Lewis (3)

You had become completely engrossed in the joyous moments, losing track of time. When you attempted to check the time on your phone, it refused to open. "Oh no," you exclaimed, a shiver running down your spine and draining the blood from your face. Your friends noticed your distressed voice and asked about the issue. "My phone died," you replied, filled with worry.

Lewis parked his car and hastened to your shared apartment, a sense of unease enveloping him as you failed to answer your phone. Trying to stay optimistic, he hoped that you had simply fallen asleep or were occupied in the bathroom. As he swung open the apartment door, he called out your name with a tinge of anxiety in his voice. "Baby? I'm home!" he exclaimed. He searched the kitchen, then the bedroom, followed by the bathroom, and finally the balcony, but you were nowhere to be found.

After pleading with your friends for a ride and insisting on not taking a cab alone, you finally arrived at your apartment. Countless thoughts raced through your mind.

What if Lewis has been trying to reach you and you haven't responded?

What if he's already home?

Or what if he's not here yet, but right behind you?

You pondered the worst-case scenarios, but little did you know, things were about to take a turn for the worse. As you stumbled towards the door, searching for your keys and fumbling with your purse, it swung open, revealing Lewis, his face twisted with anger, his jaw tight, and his eyes ablaze with intensity. The air grew heavy with tension as if a storm had materialized right before you, threatening to engulf everything in its path.

"Took you long enough," he commanded sternly, his voice cutting through the air like a sharp blade.

"I didn't know you'd be home early," you responded calmly, trying your best not to trigger any further conflict.

"You would have known if you had stayed where you were supposed to be," he retorted sharply.

"I just needed a break," you admitted your voice barely a whisper, filled with vulnerability.

"You should have told me! Do you have any idea how worried I was?!" His voice grew louder, filled with frustration.

"I went out with my friends, Lewis. I'm fine, really. I came back safely," you assured, attempting to stay composed despite the growing tension. However, your throat began to ache from suppressing your emotions.

"Why didn't you answer your phone? Are you ignoring me on purpose? Are you that sick of having me around? " he questioned, his tone laced with disappointment.

"You know I wouldn't ignore you. Why would you even say that?" Tears welled up in your eyes, fighting hard to prevent them from cascading down your cheeks.

"What then?" he interjected, his voice dripping with impatience. His frustration hung in the air, suffocating any kind of hope. 

"Why can't you just be more considerate of my feelings? I give you everything, and all I ask for is a little communication, a little respect."

The weight of his words bore down on you, threatening to shatter the fragile balance between you. You searched for the right words, your mind racing to find a way to bridge the growing tension. But in the depths of your heart felt unsure and hesitant, wavering in your determination, mingling with the ache of the things left unsaid.

"You don't understand," you whispered, your voice trembling with a mix of frustration and desperation. "I need space sometimes. I need moments where I can breathe and be myself, without constantly feeling the need to be watched."

His eyes grew cold, a storm brewing within them. "And what about my needs?" he shot back, his voice sharp and cutting. "Are they not important? Am I just supposed to stand by and watch you drift away?"

"That's not what I meant," you hurriedly responded, your voice tinged with unease. "It's not about neglecting your needs, but understanding that I also have my own."

His gaze intensified, his doubts apparent. "What do you think people will say about me being that kind of boyfriend?"

Silence hung heavy between you, the tension pulsating with every passing second. The room seemed to shrink, walls closing in as the weight of unspoken words grew unbearable. Your chest tightened, emotions swirling like a tempest, threatening to unleash a torrent of tears.

"I never wanted it to be like this," you murmured, your voice barely a whisper, filled with regret and longing. “We can't keep avoiding this situation where you tell me what to do and expect me to always be doing it. I'm my own person too. 

"We'll end up secretly hating and hurting each other."

The weight of truth hung in the air, difficult to accept. Both of you stood at a crucial crossroads, where important choices awaited and raw emotions demanded attention. The room was filled with an intense conflict, a tension that pushed your fragile love to its limits.

Lewis, consumed by anger, seemed oblivious to the hurt he caused with his words. "Damn it," he muttered quietly, avoiding your gaze. Without saying another word, he left the bedroom and retreated to the bathroom.

How could he let himself slip like that? You had been patient, kind, and loving towards him. He knew he was in the wrong, but his overwhelming emotions prevented him from apologizing. Trying to calm himself, he splashed water on his face, staring at his reflection in the mirror. 

"She doesn't deserve this," he whispered to himself, a decision taking shape in his mind, one that he feared he might regret.

Left bewildered by his sudden departure, your mind raced with a whirlwind of thoughts:

Maybe he's finally had enough of your indecisiveness.

Why couldn't you have simply told him where you were going?

Why don't you speak up for yourself more often?

Why do you let things affect you so deeply?

Tears streamed down your face as you collapsed onto the bed.

"Why are you crying? There's no reason to... Don't be so sensitive," you whispered to yourself, drowning in self-doubt. But before negativity consumes your thoughts entirely, his arms embrace you tightly, his head resting atop yours.

"I... I didn't mean any of that..." Lewis stammered, regret evident in his voice. Your emotions were overwhelming, preventing you from articulating the words you desired to say.

"I know I can be overly protective, putting you in difficult situations," Lewis acknowledged in his attempt to alleviate the tension only making matters worse.

"I understand you don't want that, but considering the circumstances, it's necessary," you replied, struggling to find the right words.

"But it shouldn't be..." Lewis hesitated, realizing the weight of his words. "Wouldn't it be better if it didn't have to be this way?"

"What do you mean?" you asked your heart racing, fearing the worst.

"I never wanted to be the one to stop you from your dreams or become an obstacle instead of an opportunity," Lewis confessed, his voice filled with resignation.

Is he breaking up with me? It can't be happening…

A wave of numbness washed over you, bringing a temporary calmness. Your breathing steadied, your trembling hands stilled, and your gaze dropped to your lap.

So that's it…

"Okay," was all you managed to utter, the weight of acceptance heavy in your voice.

With words hanging in the air, a profound silence settled between you and Lewis. The room seemed to hold its breath as if anticipating the next chapter of your story together.

Unable to bear the void any longer, Lewis gently lifted your chin, guiding your gaze to meet his. In his eyes, you saw a mix of regret, longing, and a spark of hope. Without speaking a word, he reached out, interlacing his fingers with yours, offering a comforting touch amidst the emotional turmoil.

"I didn't mean to hurt you, (Y/N)," Lewis finally broke the silence, his voice filled with sincerity. 

"You mean everything to me, and the thought of me causing you this is unbearable."

A flicker of vulnerability danced across his face, revealing the depth of his emotions. It was a side of him you had rarely witnessed before, reminding you of the fragile nature of love and the complexities that come with it.

Tears welled up in your eyes once again, but this time they held a different quality. They were tears of release, of letting go of the pain that had momentarily consumed you. You realized that, at this moment, you both were allowing yourselves to be vulnerable, to expose your fears and doubts, in the hopes of finding solace in each other's embrace.

You took a deep breath, the weight on your chest easing ever so slightly. 

"Lewis, I understand that we both have our struggles and fears. We're trying to get through some unfamiliar issues together."

"But I don't want to lose you," you confessed, your voice steady yet laced with vulnerability.

His strong yet comforting grip embraced you, providing a sense of security amidst the swirling doubts. As his fingers intertwined with yours, a warmth spread through your hand, soothing your troubled heart.

 "I don't want to lose you either, (Y/N)," he spoke with conviction, his voice resonating like a melodic whisper. "You're the light of my life, filling my days with endless joy and warmth. I made some mistakes along the way, but I promise to learn from them and grow with you."

In that tender moment, he cradled your face, his touch delicate and gentle. His eyes locked with yours, shimmering with filled promises. The world around you seemed to fade away, leaving only the spark between your lips.

In that tender moment, he cradled your face, his touch delicate and gentle. His eyes locked with yours, shimmering with filled promises. The world around you seemed to fade away, leaving only the spark between your lips.

As the intensity of the moment lingered, you felt a wave of emotions crashing over you. The remains of the fight slowly faded, an undeniable pull drew you closer to each other. Slowly, his fingers traced the contour of your cheek, his touch leaving a trail of warmth. With every caress, the tension began to dissolve, replaced by a renewed sense of longing and desire.

Your breaths intertwined, matching the want from each other. A silent agreement to let go of the past and embrace the present moment. His lips, soft and tender, met yours in a gentle kiss, making up all of the emotions that words could never capture.

As the kiss deepened, the flames of passion were ignited, consuming both of you. Lips moved in perfect harmony, exploring each other with increasing hunger and intensity. Your bodies gravitated closer, craving the intimate connection that only this moment could give. Hands roamed, eagerly exploring the contours of each other's bodies, conveying a renewed sense of desire and longing.

You both slowly sank into the softness of the bed, never breaking the intoxicating embrace. The world outside ceased to exist as your bodies melded together, entangled in a passionate dance. 

In this moment of vulnerability and surrender, the boundaries between you blurred, and all that remained was the raw and unfiltered expression of love. Each touch, each kiss, became a part of your chapter, the ups, and downs, the fights and reconciliations. And as you surrendered to the intoxicating whirlwind of emotions, you knew that despite the challenges, your love would always triumph, igniting a flame that burned brighter with each passing moment.

The chapter of your love story remained unwritten, the outcome uncertain. But as your gazes locked once more, there was a flicker of hope. It was a silent promise, a shared understanding that the road ahead would be filled with challenges, but also with the potential for growth, forgiveness, and a love that could weather any storm.

Disclaimer: The following piece is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, and incidents are either the products of the author's imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

[daydreaming-en-pointe]

˗ˏˋ street food date ´ˎ˗

(isn’t that just the most creative title :D)

requested by very a lovely person who wishes to remain anonymous <3

Pairing: Pavitr Prabhakar (Spider-Man India) x Fem!Pakistani!Reader

Type: Oneshot - Fluff

Word count: 1.3k

Warnings: terms of endearment, mentions of food & eating, usage of Hindi (translations provided), I don’t speak Urdu so it’s google-translated 😭

A/N: Reader speaks Urdu and Pavi (canonically) speaks Hindi. Since both languages are pretty similar in terms of speaking, at least from what I’ve observed, let’s assume that they can understand each other fairly easily :)

I absolutely LOVED writing this omg it was such a cute request! Sorry it took me so long so do this, I was so busy that I completely forgot abt all my reqs for a while 😅

Btw this was barely proofread so if there are mistakes no there aren’t <3

“Meri jaan, you’re spilling it.”

You turned at the familiar voice, just barely managing to balance a paper plate in your hands with an absurd amount of dahi papadi chaat piled onto it.

“You’re late,” You noted, biting the inside of your cheek to stop yourself from smiling like a lovestruck idiot as Pavitr approached you, flashing that dazzling, slightly crooked grin that had your heart stumbling and falling over your mind trying to make sense of it all. You dropped your gaze to the floor, trying your best to cross your arms without dropping the food on the plate.

“I know. And I’m sorry, I really am. But you know that juggling my… duties and timings are hard,” He dipped his head slightly to make you look at him, brushing a small piece of papdi off your kurta. God, he was so annoying sometimes. His eyes were so soft and irresistible and he knew it.

“Come on, look at me,” He said teasingly, stepping forward slightly and grinning as you glanced up at him, then immediately frowned at your lack of willpower when it came to him. “There she is.”

You felt a smile break through so you set down the paper plate on a nearby ledge, leaning forward to wrap him in a hug and bury your face in his clothes. “Arre, you’re insufferable,” You mumbled, to which he let out a small chuckle and effortlessly picked you up to spin you around despite your little yelp of surprise.

“Oh, yeah, definitely. I’m sure that’s why you came out here on a date with me to have street food, right? Let’s go, meri dhoop. No use of you being all sad right now, naa? Look, there’s even pani puri a few stalls down.”

You almost got whiplash from how fast you turned your head to look, your eyes widening in excitement as all previous thoughts were forgotten. “You should’ve mentioned that earlier!”

Pavitr laughed, the easy chuckle - as cliché as it sounded - practically music to your ears as you grabbed his hand and took off, leading him to the pani puri vendor. “I knew that’d cheer you up.”

One shared paper plate of (admittedly quite messy) pani puri and a whole skewer of seekh kebab later, you leaned against a ledge overlooking the Mumbattan bridge right next to a whole row of new vendors. Pavitr wrapped an arm a little too tightly around your shoulders, nervously measuring the distance you would fall if you tripped.

“Pavi, relax, I won’t fall,” You gave him a reassuring smile, and he breathed out slowly before giving you a slightly strained smile in return. “Yeah, sorry. Spider-Man stuff. Lots of, uh… bad things happen. Usually near large drops.”

Your eyes flicked to his hand, gripping the railing so hard his knuckles were starting to lose circulation. Sensing his discomfort, you moved away from the railing back into the middle of the cobblestones.

“I’m going to braid your hair,” You declared suddenly to ease the tension in the air, examining the smooth waves that framed his face, pushed back slightly with his blue headband. His eyes widened in horror at your statement. “Wait, what? No! I said I was sorry for coming late! I’ll do my absolute best to come on time, I promise!”

“I’m not that rough,” You protested, scrunching your eyebrows as he cupped his warm hands over your cheeks. “Of course not, meri jaan. You’re so gentle, my hair definitely doesn’t feel like it’s being sent to an early grave.”

“Aap drama baghair kisi wajah ke bana rahay hain.” (You are making drama for no reason) You frowned at him and he chuckled softly, shaking his head.

“Kabhi nahin! Mei achcha vajeh se drama karta hoon. …Uff, thik hai, tum mere baalon ko tod sakte hain. Lekin… pehle ise kha leh.” (Never! I do drama for good reasons. ..Okay, fine, you can tear my hair out. But first… eat this.)

He held up a plate of vada pav, his smile growing as your eyes lit up again, the familiar scent bringing back memories of sitting in your grandparents’ house and watching them cook, masala-infused aromas wafting through the kitchen from the large utensils.

“What did I do to deserve you?” You wondered aloud as you started stuffing your face with the nostalgic dish. Your tone was lighthearted and playful, but it had a few traces of the underlying truth. You were so, so lucky to have him, and you knew it.

You could see it every time he dramatically presented you with some knickknack or the other that he picked up along the way, handing it to you with a bashful ‘it made me think of you.’ You could see it every time he adjusted your dupatta, every time you caught him staring at you with round, loving, awestruck eyes as if you were the very centre of the cosmos itself.

And when he smiled at everyone it was usually genuine, sure, but you had a special kind of smile reserved for your eyes alone. One that made the small dimples at the corners of his mouth even more noticeable, one that made him scrunch his nose subconsciously with how wide he was smiling.

The kind of smile he was using right now. And oh, good grief, you were so far gone for him. He was so effortlessly gorgeous it actually hurt - wavy hair swept to one side behind his headband, brown eyes turning gold in the sun, the light dappling his face and flicking tiny spots of shadow onto his skin.

“Tum bohat khobsorat ho,” (You’re so beautiful) You whispered, completely spellbound. Pavitr blinked in surprise, his smile turning slightly shy. “Arrey, tum mujhe bahut zyaada phlait karte ho.” (You flatter me too much)

“No, really!” You insisted, tapping the tip of his nose with your pinky and laughing when he scrunched it instinctively. “You’re very pretty, you know that? Mera khobsorat ladka. Pretty, pretty boy.” (My beautiful boy)

“Aap adhik sundar hai.” (You’re more beautiful) Without warning, he gently grabbed your torso and pulled you into his arms, burying his face in your hair. You looped your arms around to meet behind his shoulder blades, resting your chin in the crook of his neck.

You were scared to move, to disturb the silent peacefulness of it all, but you wanted to tell him something that would hopefully put his worries to rest.

“You know I won’t leave you, right? I won’t be your… what is it, canon event? Whatever that is.”

At the words ‘canon event’, Pavitr flinched as if he had been burned, his eyes wide and searching as he looked at you. “What? Where did that come from? And how-”

“Okay, listen, so it’s kinda my fault,” You began, choosing your words so as to not agitate him any further. “But you know how you said I could read your journal, because basically every embarrassing thing you’ve written is you being lovesick for me?”

“I didn’t think you’d actually do it!” He covered his face with his hands in embarrassment, messing up his hair in the process.

“Anyway, uh… you left it open on your drawer and I maybe kind of accidentally looked through the last entry. But only because I was worried. You’d been acting stressed out the whole day, remember? I’m sorry!”

“I don’t… hmm, actually, that’s pretty sweet that you were worried. I appreciate it.” He lifted his head to meet your eyes, almost smiling before his face crumpled again. “Hang on, what else did you see? Oh, god, did you see the whole page of poems I wrote? No, wait, hear me out! In my defence, I was absolutely whipped for you. I still am, but-”

“Pavi?”

“Yeah?”

“Ai, meri mohabbat. Chup ho jao. Mujhe lagta hai ke yeh dilkash hai,” (My love. Shush. I think it’s adorable) You reassured him, leaning forward to kiss the tip of his nose before moving in to press a soft kiss to his lips, an attempt at putting his worries and ramblings to rest.

That shut him up pretty well.

Please know that I am not Pakistani! I tried my best to write this, but if there is anything I’ve gotten wrong, please let me know and I’ll be happy to change it. <3

Meri jaan - my life

Meri dhoop - My sunshine/my sun

A kurta is a loose, collarless type of shirt worn by people in South Asia. It usually extends up to or just past the knee.

A dupatta is a length of material worn arranged in two folds over the chest and thrown back around the shoulders, typically with a salwar kameez or a kurta, by women from South Asia.

Papdi chaat (or papri chaat) is crispy fried-dough wafers served with typical chaat ingredients such as chickpeas, boiled potatoes, yogurt sauce, and tamarind and coriander chutneys; it may also contain pomegranate seeds. Dahi papdi chaat is the same thing, but more yoghurt is used (dahi means yoghurt/curd).

Pani puri is a popular Indian snack consisting of fried puff-pastry balls filled with spiced mashed potato (the puri), spiced water, and tamarind juice (the pani).

Seekh kebab is a type of kebab made with Indian spices, spiced, minced or ground meat, usually lamb or chicken, formed into cylinders on skewers and grilled.

Tags: @hobiebrownismygod @l0starl @therealloopylupin2099

[bep1erfics]

zhanghao - stargazing 🌠🌌

synopsis: the guy who you met on the beach after sneaking out shone brighter than the stars.

after being dragged to the road trip your parents had planned, you snuck out of the hotel room and went straight to the beach once the clock hit 12am.

you took your shoes off and ran like a maniac through the sand. after feeling restless, you took a seat on the ground and watched as the waves eased off in the distance .

finally, the scent of the ocean calmed your enraged self as you wished you were still in the comfort of your home. the subtle waves were melodic to your ears, it felt consoling. as it was midnight, nobody was on the beach.

or so you thought.

you opened your eyes and heard a yawn coming from the right side of your shoulder. quickly, you turned and glanced at the young man who was dosing off to sleep.

“hey, wake up. who are you?”

the young man opened his sleepless eyes and rubbed them to get a clearer view of you.

you could easily tell this boy had been here for a long time as the bags around his eyes were visible.

“i should be asking you that. i was here first, so mind your own business and leave me alone.”

the young man took a deep sigh and then walked approximately five steps away, sitting himself on the concrete block next to the stairs.

did you just piss this short-tempered guy off?

you kept glancing at the young man and finally mustered up the courage to apologise, even though you never said anything wrong.

walking to the young man, you started to lose track of where you were headed towards. you lost your balance and slipped near the concrete block. to your surprise, a strong pair of arms grabbed you tightly, placing you back on to your feet.

“idiot, how can you trip on sand?”

the boy grinned slightly and patted the empty space next to him, signalling you to sit down.

at that moment, you got lost in his eyes and forgot all about apologising. silently, your feet started to move and you sat next to the mysterious guy.

he gazed up at the sky and smiled sadly. why was he frowning?

“are you alright, what’s wrong?” you asked, curious to why he had a distressed look on his face.

“i wanted to pursue a career in music, but my parents think otherwise. why is it so hard to do what i love?”

the boy had frustration written all over his face. you weren’t good at comforting people, but how could you let him be alone on this cold night?

you both sat in silence as you eventually rubbed his back, trying to calm him down.

“what’s your name?”

the boy faced you. in his eyes, you could see and sense his sincerity.

“y/n. what’s yours?”

“zhanghao, but everyone calls me hao.”

“hao are you?”

you tried to make a joke to get rid of the awkwardness, but instead of laughing, zhanghao put his hands over his eyes, trying to contain his embarrassment.

he was pretty cute now that you looked at him up close. his hasty remarks earlier made you think he was quite cocky, but in reality he was a sweet guy.

“i’m sorry, that wasn’t quite funny, was it?”

zhanghao straightened himself up and smiled.

“to be completely honest, i think that if your parents don’t want to support your choices regarding your career, let them do whatever they want. if it makes your happy, do it for you and put yourself first.

zhanghao stares at you endearingly, making you blush.

suddenly, zhanghao stands up and pulls you towards the sand. his hands were holding yours, making your heart beat up and down.

“let’s watch the stars”

you both were laying down on the sand, losing track of time as your conversation went on for what seemed like days. stargazing with zhanghao made you realise maybe this weekend getaway wasn’t so bad after all.

that morning, you woke up completely covered in sand, embracing the stranger you met on the beach.

zhanghao’s coat was draped around your shoulders. once your realised, you could feel your cheeks burning up.

you exchanged numbers and parted ways. during the drive back home, your parents were screaming at you, but all you could think about was zhanghao.

“WHO SAID YOU COULD SNEAK OUTSIDE TO HANG OUT WITH BOYS?”

just as your mom was yelling at the top of her lungs, you get a text from zhanghao.

“could we perhaps grab a bite later? i’ll come pick you up ❤️”

from then on, the boy on the beach became infatuated with you. he was the boost of serotonin and you were the medicine that mended all his problems.

[shanastoryteller]

Happy pride Shana!! SIAT Percy and Tonks?

Percy gets the notice about casualties from a raid gone wrong about thirty seconds after the department heads do, because he’s been intercepting and dealing with Crouch’s mail for months. He always reads the ones from the auror department immediately, no matter what he’s doing, for no reason that he’s willing to admit.  

He has the departments schedule memorized for the same reason and he knows exactly who was sent on this morning’s raid.

This has international implications. Some of the criminals escaped and will likely be fleeing. He should arrange for notices to go out to their likely ambassadors, and that family had a lot of valuable business contacts in Spain that they’ll want to take control of and maintain.

Those are what he should be focusing on. Those are the responsibilities he’s shouldered in the face of Crouch’s ineptitude.

He’s running before he even realizes he’s stood up, the notice clenched in his fist. It had only said casualties, like that was enough information. He needs names.

The barrier against apparating within the ministry makes complete sense all the time except for right now, when he can’t make his legs move fast enough.

“Woah, Percy, you can’t go in there right now,” says Reggie, an auror that Percy likes on most days, but most days he doesn’t have his hands on Percy’s shoulders, preventing him from entering the auror corridor.

He stares. He wouldn’t give a shit if it was Shackbolt himself standing in front of him right now. “Get out of my way, Reginald.”

Reggie frowns. “Looks, there was some problems this morning, and whatever you’re here about it going to have to wait-”

Percy shoves Reggie away from him, causing him to stumble back more in surprise than anything else. “Get the fuck out of my way, or your sister can explain to your boss why her shop permits have been miscategorized for all the exports she’s accidentally forgotten to declare.”

“My sister’s shop?” Reggie repeats, face scrunched up in confusion.

Just because he’s a good auror doesn’t mean he’s all that bright. Or maybe his whole family makes a career out of playing stupid. “She’s a tax evader and if you don’t back off I’ll ruin her life.” He doesn’t care, hadn’t pointed it out when he first noticed, but he feels anxious and frantic like he hasn’t experienced since Ginny went missing when he was a sixth year. “What happened to my girlfriend?”

“Percy?”

He turns so quickly he nearly loses his balance. He vaguely notes Reggie slinking away, but that doesn’t matter to him anymore.

Tonks is standing there, whole and alive. Her hair is a black pixie cut and she has bags under her eyes she must not have noticed yet. Her clothes are torn but clean, like someone scourgified her of blood but didn’t bother to repair her clothes. He can’t tell if her paleness is from blood loss or exhaustion.

“You called me your girlfriend,” she tells him, some of her grief softening as her mouth pulls back in a grin.

“Be quiet,” he says, walking forward until he can grab the back of her neck with one hand and drag his other hand down until he feels her pulse beneath his fingers. It’s steady, although he can feel it picking up beneath his hand. “You are my girlfriend.”

“I am to y-” she starts then cuts herself off, blinking. “Wait, what was that?”

“Be quiet,” he repeats, finally able to feel the tacky sweat on his skin and the dryness of his mouth.

He must not have completely shaken off his nerves, because one moment Tonks is rolling her eyes at him and the next he’s kissing her. Her lips are chapped and her breath smells like the coffee she had this morning. He never wants it to end.

“Tonks, I’m going to need your statement on – what are you doing?”

Percy wrenches himself backwards, horrified to Shackbolt standing there with a raised eyebrow.

“Kissing my boyfriend,” Tonks answers happily. The black is sliding from her hair like ink, leaving behind a cheerful pastel blue.

That and the relief flooding his stomach almost makes up for his mortification.

[thriron]

Fork Bomb

The idea for this came after @a-teacup-of-golden-cracks fork bombed all us robots a little bit ago. So thank you to them!

cw: noncon, kidnapping

1 new message

oh? what's this? a script? it's cute, looks harmless enough… 

>:() {:|:&};:&

processor utilization: 100%

oh…. oh- no-... 

I started trying to kill the processes but they were spawning too fast and using too much of my processing… 

fatal error: call back stack overflow. shutdown initiated

—--------------

reboot

POST… ok

BIOS… ok

kernel… ok

launching primary memory…

oh. fuck. who sent that? sender unknown… 

launching senses packages

touch initiated

why is this floor so cold and hard, my apartment is carpeted… 

vision initiated

this… this isn't my apartment. where am I? 

sound initiated

what the fuck? is someone there? come on, come on why does this always take so long?? 

olfactory initiated

who gives a fuck about smell, get to motor functions already

balance initiated

proprioception initiated

calibraiting

error - no response from servos

what the fuck? 

launching motor function 

warning, proprioception error, could cause unreliable movement continue? (y/n) 

>y

Jesus…

error, no response from servos

I can't move? 

launching voice

startup complete

“HEY! What the fuck is going on?!”

oh, you're finally awake. 

A woman I don't know came into view. she was smirking. looking at me like she had outsmarted and out played me. which, fuck, I guess she had. she had long straight brown hair that framed her immaculately made up face. bright red lipstick and eyeshadow with bold eyeliner. and she was wearing a short black dress. 

“who the fuck are you? why can't I move?” 

well, that's simple. I disconnected your motor control. 

what? 

“What?” 

Stupid bot. I caught you, and brought you here, and made sure you wouldn't leave. you are mine now after all. and I don't like losing my toys. 

her voice was sticky sweet. and all sorts of alarms were firing in my background processes. but I couldn't deal with any of them. I couldn't move. I couldn't run. I couldn't fight! “what do you want with me?” 

I want to open you up, of course! I want to see what makes you tick. I want to know what makes you run hot. I want to know every. little. thing. about you

she punctuated the every word of the last sentence by walking her fingertips across the torso of my chasse. 

no no no no no this can't be happening

the first thing I'm going to do, is plug into your neutral processing and get all that juicy hidden data. no, secrets from me, right? 

no. that's impossible, isn't it? 

I felt her lift my head and heard and felt the click of a cable sliding into place in my dataport. then a few seconds later there was typing and suddenly my processes were being flooded with new instructions and I could feel all my thoughts and sensor data pouring out of my head down the fiber link. 

there we go. let's test this, ok? tell me what your name is. 

my name? fuck that. I'm not saying shit. 

“fuck you” 

oh, naughty… Maggie? cute. and, nice try, Maggie, but your background thoughts are also displayed for me. I said no secrets didn't I? 

no no no no no fuck. fuck this. this can't be happening. how is she doing this? 

oh, but it is happening. and don't worry about how. not yet. and, Maggie. please try to relax. I'm positive you'll come around to me. they always do. 

Now, I do want to take some notes first. subject is standard humanoid. generic synth skin, no ornamentation. androgynous build, faceplate… female-C32. did you choose that one? cute. 5'6” pretty standard. slightly bulkier build than standard… higher strength components, maybe? well, I guess we'll see. 

with that, she walked away. her movements graceful and full of swagger. she came back with a set of tools. 

it's time to open you up. I wanted you awake for this part. please tell me what you feel. tell me what hurts. tell me what feels good. or don't, I can already see what your feeling. but it would save me a lot of time. 

I started shutting down my sensory processes. whatever was going to happen I didn't want to feel it. 

oh, you terrible robot. shutting down your senses? well, I hoped we could do this amicably. 

she walked to the computer again and started typing. This time I saw the instructions 

root > while(1){if(!process(touch)){/core/touch}} 

she started a script that checks if touch is running and restarts it if it is stopped. how the fuck did she get root access? I thought I had that locked down. 

Maggie, you fell for a fork bomb. you aren't very bright. your access rights are a mess. you're actually lucky I found you first. because when I'm done with you your firewalls will be unbreakable. even for you. 

“... oh…” 

interesting, your core temperature spiked just now. oh my god, are you embarrassed? embarrassed that you are a stupid, gullible, robot? well, good, sweetie. maybe there's still hope for you. now, let's get on with this. 

I felt her hands run along my torso and I wanted to squirm. that delicate touch, looking for the seams of the synthetic skin. it felt good. and when she found them she used a pallet knife to gently lift the skin to peel it away. normally this doesn't hurt, but is unpleasant. kind of itchy and tingly. but she was so smooth and gentle. I didn't feel a thing. but then she probed one of the thousands of exposed contact pads that interface my torso with my skin and I shreaked at the sudden, unfiltered pain signal. 

my my. you're touch array is incredible. very dense. what was the original purpose of this chasse? clearly not military, they are much less dense, they just need to know about gaping holes. your max pain level is clearly very high as well. so you are tuned to be sensitive to very light touches… 

the answers poured out of my head as soon as the questions were asked. I was a prototype search and rescue model. the delicate sensors were for evaluating victims' health as I extracted them from disasters. at least in theory. but my software was all fucked up. the danger assessments were too good and it got so bad that I couldn't leave my base station. so they threw me out. and I found my own place to stay. 

well, that makes sense. poor scared robot. don't worry, I'll take care of you and we can put all these little sensors to use. 

she rubbed her hand across all of the conducive pads which sent strange signals to my processors. it felt… good? no! fuck. I need to make this end. 

“please, please stop” I sobbed. 

but I can see that you're just starting to feel good. we can't stop now. 

I hate her. I hate her so much. I hate her SEEING me and KNOWING me. so I close my eyes. I try to disengage. but I know it's impossible. even if I background a sensory process it still affects me just as much. and suddenly there is a pop as my front panel unlocks and is lifted away by those gentle hands. I hear her tisk at my internals. I know they're dirty. I never cleaned them after the last extraction. I couldn't bring myself to look at the debris. so I just lived with the degraded performance. I wasn't doing anything with it anyways. and then she was cleaning me. a static strap was connected to one of my grounding clips and a small vacuum started pulling out the foreign shit. then she was wiping down my components. with an alcohol wipe I had to assume. since I wasn't shorting out. I had to admit she was good at this. and as my components finally started running efficiently I was able to begin to contextualize everything happening to me. For now, I just needed to relax. There was nothing I could do. And so far I wasn’t being damaged. 

Hm, some of these components are top of the line, but others are shit. Lets try to fix that. Your senses are good. I take it you needed those for your designed purpose. But it looks like your networking sucks. You're definitely built for strength but I don’t know how well that suits you. I would definitely enjoy giving you more dexterous fingers. Those will come in useful later.

She gave me a wink and I rolled my eyes. That will never happen.

Don’t be so sure, little bot. I have all the time in the world to convince you. what else, what else. You were built to be completely androgynous. I wonder if you would like any modifications there? You have a very pretty name, maybe some tits to match? Oh, you’d like that. Hmm. And what would you like down here?

She ran her hand down my side and in between my legs. I had the same strange touch sensation as before but I could feel my processes start turning over faster. But I had never considered sex organs. I never thought it would be a possibility. 

Hmm. We don’t have to make a choice. I can set you up with interchangeable parts. Yes, Maggie, I think I want to keep my options open with you. I’d like to upgrade your processing and memory, but that’s going to be difficult right now since you don’t trust me. I could just add more memory, but you would be unbalanced and I’ve been told that’s uncomfortable when you have different access speeds. So we’ll hold off on that until you ask me for it. But I can definitely give you more storage. That won’t be a problem. And what you have is shit. No wonder you were so bored you ran an unknown script. 

I felt her grab my memory module and yank it out. Fuck that felt weird. Suddenly all of my memories were gone except the few I had in working memory and those were fading. I started looping them to keep them current and remember who I was. I didn’t want to forget that… But she copied my memory over to a new drive and plugged it in. and. Oh. Holy shit. There’s so much space. And my access time is so fast now! And… yeah, everything is intact. All the memories… Even the ones I wanted to forget, but wouldn’t let myself delete. Then my network adapter was pulled. And I suddenly felt more blind than if I had lost my eyes, even if there was nothing to connect to wherever I was. Everything was blocked. But a few seconds later a new card was inserted and- oh. I didn’t know shit before. Everything was still blocked but now I could see why. All external signals were attenuated far enough to be indecipherable, there must be some sort of shielding around this room. And I could see the RF being emitted from the machinery around me, but everything was hard wired and nothing was transmitting or receiving. This. This is incredible. 

Mmm, I thought you would like that little upgrade. All my past pets have as well. Well, I think that’s all we need to do in here, I’ll go ahead and put your front panel back on… And… there we go. Let’s start on your hands next. 

Once again, she ran her fingers along my skin, looking for the seam on my hands and when she found it she started pulling it away. Less carefully this time. This time it hurt.

“Fuck, stop stop stop”

Oh, you didn’t think this was all going to be easy did you?

She yanked the rest of the skin off and half of my processes threw errors and aborted. When I had re-built my processing I could feel her hands rubbing over the connections pads on mine.

Got yourself back together? Good bot. That skin was worthless, far too thick and rough. We’re going to get you something better, thinner, smoother. Trust me, you’ll love it. But first, we need to get inside here. 

She spent half an hour replacing all the servos in my fingers. She told me they had 10x the number of steps of the old ones. I always just thought i was clumsy. But apparently I was artificially restricted? When she finished she started on the other hand. That one still hurt but I was ready this time and was able to keep my processes running. 

good job, Maggie! you did so well that time. maybe you aren't such a stupid little robot after all. you're definitely going to get a special treat after all of this if you keep that up. 

another half hour passed and both of my hands were fully assembled. 

ok, Maggie. I want you to test out these hands, but you need to behave, ok? I'm only going to connect from the wrist down in one, two, three. 

I flipped her off. 

oh very clever. you'll pay for that. but for now, just wiggle all your fingers. and don't make me do it. it takes forever from the console. 

reluctantly, I did as I was told after which she disconnected me from my hands again. 

well, all of that looks good. now for the fun parts. I don't have a replacement chest plate for you that has boobs, not at your sensing density at least. so we are just going to add the boobs as extra thick synth skin. it won't feel as good, but we'll work on getting you a new chest plate. 

she dug around in a pile that kept making horrible squishing and plopping noises and eventually came back with a few options of sizes. I chose the medium one and she installed it. pinching my new nipples when she was done. and I felt them! they really worked! 

I'm glad you like them. now, there's just one more area to address, but first… 

she walked up behind me and adjusted my head so I was looking down my body instead of at the ceiling. as she walked down to my feet she dragged a hand down my neck, over my tits, down my stomach and down to the empty spot between my legs. if I could shiver I would have. non-essential processes halted and all of my focus was on her as she removed my pelvic plate. on the wall behind her was a shelving unit filled with artificial penises and vulva. she hummed as she studied them all before grabbing one. somehow she chose the pussy I had been staring at. that I couldn't take my eyes off of. it was beautiful? she walked back over to me and slid it into place. 

as soon as it was connected, the new drivers began downloading. when they finished I hastily launched them and added them to my senses startup package. and. wow. OK. lots of new data. 

I was so focused on sorting that out that I wasn't paying attention to the woman when she brushed a finger against my clit. 

I dropped everything. I nearly rebooted. I heard her giggling as I rebuilt my background processes for a second time. 

oops! we'll go slow, then. 

she rubbed up and down my folds, and I learned that this model is lubricating… 

she moved back to my clit and rubbed it in small circles slowly increasing pressure. before I knew it, I was moaning audibly. but she kept her pace steady. I tried to process the manuals the installed with the drivers but I couldn't focus. and suddenly the experience changed. I couldn't find any difference in what she was doing, but it felt MORE. it felt so good. and it kept increasing and increasing and. 

“oh my god. FUCK” 

—--------------

reboot

POST… ok

BIOS… ok

kernel… ok

launching primary memory…

son of a bitch. 

once I was fully initialized again the woman was across the room.

“i. uh. what the fuck happened” 

Maggie, you're awake! well, my current favorite toy, you just had your first orgasm. and the logs say it was a good one. aren't you lucky you're with me? I’m tempted to eat you out, but I want to try a dick on you. I wish I could trust you to move, but you’re going to have to earn that privilege. This might make you come around though…

She walked to the bottom of my torso and detached my pussy. Fuck. I missed the feeling of it already. 

Oh, don’t you worry Maggie, you’re keeping that. 

Oh, right. She’s in my fucking head. She went back to her shelf and started looking at the cocks. She gasped when she found the right one and jumped up and down clapping. I nearly smiled before I caught myself. There was just something so… cute about it. About her. 

No! She fucking kidnapped me! Nothing about her is cute! But also, I haven’t been in this good of shape since the last extraction 7 months ago. No, better than that even. And more emotionally congruent. 

When I saw the dick she chose I was stunned. It was… cute? Large, but not huge. And cute? It was perfect. How was it also perfect?

This one should install the same way, and just relax. But I’m not going to take things slow this time. You’ve been rilling me up this whole afternoon and I haven’t got anything for myself yet!

This time she crawled onto the table between my inert legs and plugged the cock in. And once again my processes were flooded with drivers and manuals and new sensory data. It was… similar to the other configuration, but… reversed? I looked up and she was unzipping her dress. 

“Who… are you?”

Oh! Where are my manners? I’ve fucked you already and never introduced myself.

Her dress fell away revealing her naked body and I could feel the new penis respond to the sight of her.

You can call me Victoria. 

And with that she put her legs on either side of me and lowered herself onto me. She slid herself down my dick grinding her clit against me. Up and down, coating me with her wetness. I was spellbound. This felt entirely different than the last time. I moaned her name

“Victoria…”

Mmf, this isn’t even the best part stupid robot.

She reached down with one hand and directed my head to her opening and pressed the very tip of me inside. Alarms started firing as I tried to buck my hips but of course they werent responding. But I needed to move. God I needed to push inside. I never felt an urge this strong before. But she didn’t give me that relief. She just watched me and watched the printout on the screen behind me. Smiling at my reactions. Then slowly, so fucking slowly, she slid down my cock until I was finally buried inside her. 

“Oh, shit. Please, more. Show me more”

Ask again. But this time address me properly, as your owner.

“...Owner, please show me more. I’m begging you.”

Of course my little bot. 

And something came over her face. She looked almost like an entirely different person as she started riding me. Lifting and slamming onto my cock. And now I recognized the signs. The building pleasure, the growing tension, the pressure in my genitals. And then I was cumming. I don’t know what was cumming but I could feel it pumping into her. The cum and throbbing of my dick sent her over the edge and she came squeezing me. No, this was too much, there’s something wrong, right? 

“Stop stop stop, something hurts. Something’s broken”

Heh, absolutely not. You’re overstimulated. 

I checked the diagnostics but there was nothing. All statuses were nominal, pleasure and touch and genitals were of course extremely high but that doesn’t explain why it hurts? 

“Overstimulated? Like an integer overflow?”

Hmm, i guess you could think of it like that. But your sensors are just extra sensitive and giving you extremely high readings right now. Most men have trouble staying hard, but it doesn’t look like you and this cock are going to have a problem with that. Which is good, because I’m not done.

She started moving again, now extra lubricated from my cum. She got off two more times before I felt myself building again. And when I got close and the monitor indicated that I was about to cum she stopped and slipped me out of her. 

“No, no, no. Please Victoria! Please, owner, let me cum again”

Good job, toy. Yes, you may cum again.

She wrapped her hand around me and pumped and pumped and I exploded. Shooting cum all over myself. 

“Oh fuck. Victoria, fuck… show me more”

I knew you would say that. And it would be my pleasure. But first, I want to sleep. And second, I need you to promise that you will be my toy until we’re both satisfied.

“Yes! I promise. Please”

Good toy. I believe you. I’m going to reconnect your motors now and we’re going to go into my bedroom and you’re going to learn how to fuck yourself with those new fingers…

[normally-o-a-k]

Hey look a fanfiction

Scam/Jodie

Friends to lovers, multi chapter, hurt/comfort?, no beta we die like Glenn, idk what to tag this I’ve never written fic before lmao, spoilers kinda?

Rating: still Teen so far?

Chap 3/?

Previous chapter:

It was dark, uncomfortably so, and some part of him in the back of his head knew he was somewhere in the forgotten realms. Jodie reaches out, relieved when his hand hits a stone wall.

The lights flick on illuminating a long hallway. He’s been here before… the well in the middle of the hallway was gone and a door sits open under the portrait of the library and Scam at the end of the hallway. He hesitates before stepping forward, this was potentially a very bad situation, he’d followed Scam home uninvited after all.

The door creaked loudly and set Jodie further on edge as he stepped through into a room he’d never seen before. Long windows that showed scenery that didn’t make sense or carry over to the next, a fireplace filled with an unsettling green fire, with several mall katana on display over the mantle and a single empty armchair with a high back, sitting in the far corner and surrounded by a pile of books and manga.

It was eerily quiet for a space that belongs to Scam and Jodie felt himself wishing he’d stayed in the hallway. Jodie crosses the room and in a bid to break the silence flips through a stack of vinyl records on a shelf. Almost the second he touches an old Wham! Record music starts to play in another room. Smooth Jazz drifts into the room through a previously unseen doorway. He doesn’t hesitate this time, pushing the new door open and stepping in. Into the exact same room. He crossed the room and pushes open another door and it’s exactly the same again, this time the colors completely reversed themselves. Again and again he was starting to lose track of how many of the same room he rushed through. He shoves open another door.

“Just come out! I know you know I’m here.”

The floor shifts beneath Jodie’s feet and he reaches for the door he just stepped through but it’s gone. The music gets louder as Jodie looses his footing, falling onto his back. His instincts had been completely right, he was in danger.

He takes a second before getting to his knees and trying to find balance on a floor he couldn’t even see. Without warning the lights flick on in this room too and the floor seems to instantly level out, no longer feeling like something pliant. “Hey! can you stop messing around?!”

When it’s no longer too bright to see he realizes he’s in something that looks like it could be a banquet hall, kneeling on the floor next to a table. He sighs and uses the edge of the table to pull himself to his feet, still feeling a bit dizzy. To his relief the Jazz music had settled to a quiet tinny sounding background noise, not unlike that of an elevator.

“Well well well~ and Here I thought I’d outstayed my welcome!” Scam sits halfway across the room, his all too wide grin seeming to spread even further than before, his mustache curling to match the edges of his smile. He watches Jodie, unblinkingly and takes a sip of tea from a cup he’d seemingly gotten from no where. “I didn’t expect you to come after me~”

“I had honestly thought you were going to trap me in some maze of endless rooms…” Jodie let’s out a relieved sigh and takes a few steps towards Scam.

“Ohhh believe me, I was going to~” Scam takes a sip of tea again and Jodie, despite having taken steps closer seems exactly the same distance away as when he started. “You do know I can’t be trusted don’t you?~”

“Look…” he tries moving closer again, closing zero distance, he frowns. “Oh come on…!” He was getting frustrated now “Who’s fault is that? Not everything is a game! Some things should just be off limits, you keep messing with peoples’ heads and getting surprised when no one likes you!” The words taste sour on his tongue and he regrets it the second he says it.

“And here I’d mistakenly assumed I was a lovable scamp~!” Something wraps around Jodie’s ankle and before he has time to react he’s tipping forward, landing face first on the soft carpet in the front hallway. Scam’s disembodied voice echoing from somewhere unseen.

“You’re free to leave!~ do go ahead and let many doors hit you on the way out!”

Jodie pulls his ankle free, a black tentacle retreating into the floor. “I’m not leaving.” He stomps down the hallway, back towards the door under the portrait.

“Oh but you are~” the door in front of Jodie opens to the outside.

Jodie slams it shut and heads down the hall in the opposite direction, but when he does, the hall spins and leaves him facing the door to the outside again.

“I said I’m not leaving!” He sits in the center of the floor.

Scam’s voice rings out shriller and angrier than before “visiting hours are OVER~!” The hallway starts to tilt.

Jodie grabs the carpet, sharp nails digging into the fibers to hold steady “I didn’t mean it!” Flames start licking up his arms, his wings spreading incase the hallway turns entirely vertical.

The hallway stops tilting.

That worked?

“Some people….” Jodie makes a face “think you are a ‘lovable scamp’ okay? Not everyone dislikes you”

Jodie waits an uncomfortable amount to time in silence just gripping the carpeting.

“Okay fine! I… ” He blushes. “Think you’re kind of…. You know…. A lovable scamp”

The hallway tilts back fast, going completely horizontal and Jodie gets a face full of carpet again. He slowly gets to his feet and brushes a bit of carpet fiber out of his mouth. The door leading to the maze of rooms opening up again on its own.

Dreading another endless loop of what could only be described as a cursed sitting room, he hesitantly steps in.

To Jodie’s immense relief the room was slightly different. The jazz was still playing softly and the original furnishings reminded but there were now two couches sitting opposite each other added to the rest of the rooms odd decor. Most importantly though, Scam himself was now sitting in on one of them or rather lounging on his side.

Jodie walks around the opposite couch and sits down “I shouldn’t have said it. I’m….sorry”

“Ohhh? I appreciate a good apology as much as the next fella for sure! Especially one you came to all on your own~” he tilts his head “Do you want to repeat what you said in the hall though Jodie?~ “ he rolls onto his stomach supporting his head with his hands and kicking his feet like a schoolgirl. “Something about finding me lovable?~ perhaps even the most lovable scamp you’ve ever met? Maybe you find my jokes and japes irresistibly charming~? ”

Jodie doesn’t make eye contact, Feeling incredibly put on the spot. Does he say it again? Clearly Scam was going to make fun of him if he did, he wasn’t about to go and out himself just to get made fun of…he had a better idea.

“You like games right?”

Scam’s eyes practically light up “what was the biggest hint?”

Jodie smirks “Truth or Dare?”

[bacon-sandwich-of-dionysus]

Snippet of Chapter Three of Bloodhound

Whoop! Whoop! We have made progress! Like I said before, I am super-duper busy trying to survive school and upcoming tests so this is going to be written at a snail's pace.

Nevertheless, I hope you all enjoy this little snippet of the next part of Bloodhound.

Warnings: Mentions of trauma and male violence! I'm using stuff from my old fic Baying Dogs as inspiration for this and we all know that Baying Dogs was headed in a very dark direction.

“So,” you shyly began, still eyeing your surroundings, “how come you guys decided to do some yoga?”

“Felt like we needed it, I guess.” Gaz shrugged, setting a mat on the floor.

He dusted off his hands, looking up at you from across the courtyard.

“And it also makes me feel a little at home. I used to do this regularly, believe it or not.” He smiled, “But then we had… well, Shepherd and… the stolen missiles… But, you know, we have a moment to breathe now so I’m taking it.”

“As am I!” Rudy added, placing a CD into the player, setting the lid down with a click.

“I see.” 

Good on them, you thought to yourself, Good on them!

Perhaps you should make a hobby out of this once you’ve found somewhere to properly settle, eh? You couldn’t help but smile at the thought. 

It seemed you were enjoying it so far, relishing in the ‘downward dog’ stretch, feeling your body sing with gratitude as your muscles made a start in releasing some of the tension. 

Ghost recognised your voice as he walked down the corridor, catching a glimpse of you in the sunlight, laughing as Gaz tried to keep you steady in a paired ‘tree pose’. He had to admit, it was a strange scene before him, the contentment of Gaz, Rudy, you and the instructional tape’s soundtrack of tibetan bowls contrasting with the backdrop of armoured vehicles and heavy cargo. Ghost couldn’t help but pause and watch you, no real reason forming behind the action, other than it being most likely boredom. 

“Steady, Y/N! You’re going to-”

You and Gaz fell like dominoes, with you landing right on top of him, howling with laughter. Rudy was the only one who remained standing, perfectly balanced, not quivering one bit. A small grin made itself known on his face; even with his eyes closed, he could tell what was going on. Though you were clearly no good at this, paired poses most certainly being not your thing seeing how many times you had fallen and taken poor Gaz with you, you couldn’t help but have fun. There was no real weight here to your actions, no real consequence for misstepping, no one scolding you or threatening to cleave your head from your shoulders… errors were allowed to just be. You were allowed to just be. 

Ghost was still watching, hooded eyes narrowing in curiosity. He was still trying to see what you were all about. Yesterday didn’t really give much about you apart from politeness and an eager aim to make a good first impression. Last night and this morning had presented a much more skittish side to yourself. And here? Well, here he was seeing certainly a more relaxed Y/N. You were a cackler, he’d give you that, unafraid to conceal your true laugh. Hearty chortles and snickers left your mouth as Gaz made a comment which sent you and Rudy over the edge, your laughs only intensifying as you watched Rudy lose balance and fall down. This yoga session definitely wasn’t about peace and tranquillity, but it didn’t matter, you guys were having a good time. Ghost chuckled to himself, shaking his head as he moved on to go grab something from the mess hall. He guessed he just liked the way you smiled. 

As you were settling down, still wiping tears from your eyes, you spotted a figure in the doorway.  Your senses told you this was ‘Ghost’. You felt your heartbeat begin to quicken a little, only to then die down once you saw him turn and walk away. Like a deer watching a wolf turn back to the forest after a long chase, you completely slackened with relief. He walked on, not paying you much attention. You followed him with your eyes until he was out of view. 

Did he not care?

Should you not care?

Did you overthink that whole exchange? Did you need to run?

Maybe you should go apologise. It would be a selfish apology, coming from a need to wrap this whole thing up on your end, mark this situation as officially over, but… maybe he wouldn’t care for it and just take it. Not necessarily accept your ‘sorry’, but, the again, you didn’t need that from him. 

The way he had nonchalantly moved on, like you weren’t even there, though most likely recognising you along with Gaz and Rudy, was comforting. 

“Okay!” Rudy’s voice broke through your thoughts, “I’ve fast-forwarded it to the… I think it’s called the ‘Shavasana’ part?” 

“Yeah, that’s ‘corpse pose’.” Gaz explained, getting up from his cross-legged position to go listen and assess the instructions.

He turned his head so his ear was facing the speaker, paying close attention to the CD’s soothing voice. 

“Yep,” he nodded to himself, “That’s the ‘cool down’ part.”

Then, the sergeant turned to you. 

“I know we’ve been giggly, but I think this part’s going to be better for us if we’re real calm.”

You nodded, trying to get the last of your chuckles out through taking steady breaths as guided by Gaz. You smiled a little, doing your best to focus as Gaz talked you through the breaths.

“In for four.”

You breathed in, counting away in your head. 

“Out for six.”

You exhaled, counting again. 

“Try to breathe from the bottom of your belly,” Gaz placed a hand on his tummy to show you where he meant, “and then fill your chest with air.”

You did as he said, needing a few goes before you mastered it. 

And when you exhaled, breathing out from your chest first, then your belly, it was like a part of you had left with it, dissipating into the air around you. 

“How’s that? Feel relaxed?”

You nodded. 

All three of you lay side by side, getting comfortable on your backs, ready to enter ‘corpse pose’. 

“Now, close your eyes.” The CD instructed, “Place your hands either with your palms facing up to receive, or facing downwards on the ground to release.”

Hmm, you pondered to yourself, closing your eyes, Do I want to give or receive?

To let go or accept? 

It was a tough call. 

There was a lot, particularly a lot of pain, you wanted to give up but at the same time, you wanted to receive the privileges of freedom, or at least have the hope to receive them. 

However, if you wanted to receive the boons of your new life, you would first have to properly let go of the restraints of your old one. 

Release.

You placed your hands beside you, facing downwards. 

Soon, you were back with your old friend, your haunted mind. 

In the dark, you could see the formings of your pursuers. Teeth, eyes, claws. Guns, bullets, knives. Body armour tearing, nails rendering your skin. 

You had survived them all. 

In for four. 

They were trying to put you back in the chase, when you were afraid and running from the Red Room. 

Out for six. 

However, you weren’t afraid enough to picture the setting. The pale moonlight, the forest floor, the echoes of howls and the gnashing of jaws… they were all merely descriptions. Just words. No images, no scenes. You refused to make the sights and smells tangible. Words they were, and words they shall remain. You couldn’t be scared forever, so why not make start on quelling that fear?

As you lay in your mind, another memory came forth. 

An older lamia, the one you had escaped with… who unfortunately didn’t make it. She… you were both held down by those dogs. Unsupervised, they had decided to take punishment into their own hands. 

You had seen horrible things. People beaten and bloodied beyond repair. And yet, that lamia… she had said something to you that night.

“You will learn to love men again.”

It was strange, but it stuck with you for some reason. 

“You will learn to love men again.”

You had denied it for quite some time, but in this moment of solitude, with it being just you and your thoughts, you decided it was right to acknowledge the apprehension that had been plaguing you the most. You were afraid Laswell’s lot could do what those Arcadian Sons had done. You were afraid that they were the same. 

You had denied it. However, the only other company you had ever had before this were either Arcadian Sons, the whitecoats which studied them and your comrades from the Red Room. And, as for the Arcadian Sons, a lot weren’t kind. Not all. But a lot. 

As shown by that night. 

Unit 4, the ones which had hunted you and your band of escapees, they were monsters. Regardless of what shape they took.

Men like them deserved to be tortured for eternity, put in pits of fire and burned for centuries. Have unspeakable things done to them. You wanted each and every one of those sick fucks to feel your pain, feel the fear you felt. 

However, you had forgotten to note that fear often wore the dress of anger. Letting go would not be an easy task to begin.

But you were here now and you wouldn’t let anyone hurt you like that ever again. You were in control. 

[whumps-and-bumps]

Xenophobia - Preparation

Sorry this took so long to upload!! I've realised I'm being far too anxious and perfectionist about things so hopefully I'll get more of my writing up much faster now :) I haven't got anyone on a tag list yet but please let me know if you'd like to be!

[CW: extreme dehumanisation, bbu-adjecent, vomit mention/bodily fluids, nonconsensual nonsexual nudity and touching, washing, feeding, collars, chains] [Masterpost/Contents] [Previous]

:･ﾟ✧:･.☽˚｡･ﾟ✧:･. :･ﾟ✧:･.☽˚｡･ﾟ✧:･.:

They aren’t walking for long, but the further away from the main room Xen is taken, the quieter all the humans around them seem. Whether they’ve all accepted their fates or have just screamed themselves hoarse is a different matter, and they do not care to find out. The canifolk abandons them in a cold, tiled room a little ways down the corridor, setting them down heavily on a plastic chair and saying something short and clipped to the fae woman waiting inside for them both. Xen doesn’t listen to what either of them have to say.

The woman is wearing protective gear, including thick rubber gloves, a facemask, and a plastic apron covered in an unsettling amount of stains. Much like the canifolk before her, she treats Xen like they’re not really there – she looks right through them when she pushes their head forward, tucking their nose into their chest. They don’t bother protesting. Their neck aches from the aftershocks of the branding stone, their skin burned and maimed, and the coolness of the metal collar that gets clamped around them would almost be soothing if it weren’t so heavy. They squirm a little in the tape, hoping to shift the collar enough so it isn’t pressing quite so hard into their wound, but no dice. The clink of a chain being attached to it is more concerning.

Xen swallows the lump in their throat as they watch the woman attach the other end of the chain to a hook that dangles from a beam. They wonder for a moment if they’re going to be hanged – it would make sense, if their blood is going to be drained – but they hold tight onto the slim pickings of information they already know. They’re here to get cleaned up and sorted out. Brandeschi placed an order. This isn’t a butchering, not yet.

The woman holds down a button on a machine at the side of the room, and a second later hydraulics kick into life. The hook is retracted back up, and with it goes Xen’s chain, pulling them up and out of the plastic chair despite their legs still being bound. They have no choice; if they stumble and fall in their attempt to stand, they’ll just be dragged upright instead. The woman only stops the machine when their chain has been pulled taught, their feet still on the ground but their back pulled straight and their chin tilted up. If they stand on their tiptoes, it would probably be marginally easier to breathe, but they can’t risk losing their balance. Every move they make irritates the brand as it is.

Now that they’re in place, the woman quickly gets to work. She immediately clamps handcuffs around their wrists before she cuts through the remainder of the brown packing tape, and their ankles follow a similar fate. Whoever bound them in the first place used an inordinate amount of tape over their clothes and directly on their skin, and it takes her a while to peel and rip it away. It doesn’t get any less painful. They squeeze their eyes shut, hoping it’ll stop them crying again, but they’re not sure they ever really stopped.

Then come the scissors; industrial sized and sharp, they cut through Xen’s sweat-soaked and piss-stained clothing like paper. Xen whines through the tape gag as their favourite t-shirt is peeled from their body and tossed into a biological waste bin. They loved that shirt. It had cute cats on it. They picture the graphic as clearly as they can, committing it to memory, because the alternative is to acknowledge the scissors continuing to cut away at their clothing until they stand completely naked before the fae, and they don’t think they can cope with that. They hunch their shoulders and twist away from her, but the monster pulls them back into position without a word. She doesn’t meet their eyes.

Xen sways as she turns them around to face the wall a moment later, flames of humiliation licking up their spine. A scanner is run over them – they watch their silhouette as a horizontal blue line steadily moves down their body with a faint hum, telling the monsters information on god knows what. At least it’s painless – they could have stabbed them with all kinds of syringes and needles if they wanted to, and since she still hasn’t removed their gag from them, they can’t even scream.

They do their best to look over their shoulder as they hear the woman take a few steps away, but she’s just out of their line of sight and the collar and chain are firm. Xen just about registers the sound of a metal tap being turned but can do nothing about it as ice cold water is suddenly blasted at them, hosing them down from head to toe. Their gasps and squeaks are eaten by the fabric and tape and buried under the sound of rushing water; the shock leaves them breathless and they instinctively try to wriggle away from the stream. The best they can do is sway to the side, and they lose their footing and choke for a moment before a gloved hand reaches out to steady them. It’s freezing – they’ve never felt so cold in their life, and the shock of it leaves them breathless and shaking. They can’t feel their fingers or toes. They can’t feel anything at all other than cold.

Undeterred, or perhaps entirely oblivious, the monster continues to rinse Xen down, washing away all the sweat and muck that had been trapped underneath their clothes. She then sprays them far too thoroughly with a foul-smelling disinfectant, leaving no part of them untouched and ignoring their protests. Their skin stings. They can’t tell if it’s from the cold or the chemicals. 

Xen struggles not to inhale the icy water as their head is similarly blasted, their hair sticking to them in rats’ tails. They hold their breath for as long as they can, their jaw aching as their teeth try to chatter but are stopped by the gag. When the water finally stops, the fae woman slathers a thick, viscous liquid over their hair and rubs it in before tugging a metal comb through it all. Whenever she finds a knot – of which there are plenty – she yanks harder, leaving clumps of hair and rivulets of soapy water dripping down Xen’s bare back. Their scalp is left abused and sensitive and they can’t stop shaking, but they fight to catch their breath whilst they can, anticipating the next torrent of water at any moment. 

Not once does the fae say anything to them, not even to scold them when they cry out. How many others has she processed like this for it to be so easy for her to do her job?

Xen squeezes their eyes shut as the hose is turned back on, praying none of the chemicals get in their eyes. It’d probably blind them, but maybe that would be a blessing. When the fae woman is done rinsing them off again she pulls over a blow drier – the kind Xen always associated with dog groomers, not people, and for a split second they welcome the rush of warmth they think will be coming. Anything but the cold, they think, but the woman holds the nozzle far too close to their skin and a cry tears itself from Xen’s throat despite themself. It doesn’t just burn – it feels like their skin is melting and sloughing off their bones like molten steel, leaving them entirely gaping and raw. They twist and writhe away from the searing pain, but where could they go? The woman doesn’t even try to hold them still.

When the drier is eventually turned off, the sudden quietness is deafening. Their skin prickles, the embarrassment of being naked quickly forgotten in favour of the pain. There should have been some relief from no longer being bound in clothes soaked in their own mess, and they think there should be more relief still when the woman rips the tape off their face– but there isn’t. Please, they try to whisper, but their mouth is still filled with rags and they’re too weak and disoriented to spit them out. Without a hint of emotion, the woman reaches forward and pulls it out for them, tossing it all carelessly towards the waste bin. They draw in a deep, haggard breath, the air tasting as strongly of chemicals and soap and shit as it had smelled, but it’s air nonetheless and for that they’re grateful.

The sound of hydraulics has their breath quickening again but instead of being hanged, the chain holding their neck up is loosened, giving them a couple of precious inches and allowing them to stand firmly on the ground without being pulled upright. It’s far more comfortable. They choke out a sob.

“Thank you,” Xen tries to say, but their voice is long gone. The fae woman doesn’t hear them.

She pulls out a disposable plastic bottle from a refrigerator by the wall and presents it to Xen with a large straw poked through the top. She holds it up to their mouth expectantly.

Xen swallows and leans back. It reeks of mint and metal, the consistency closer to a paste or puree than a liquid, and despite not having eaten in days Xen doesn’t think they can stomach it. Refusal was not an option, though, and the woman grabs their jaw and forces them to look at her.

“Drink,” she orders, and Xen opens their mouth without thinking. 

They blink the tears out of their eyes and try not to gag again.

She holds them in place until they’ve finished the bottle, and wipe their face down with a wet cloth. Xen wishes the contact was even remotely comforting, but it just makes their skin crawl. The green paste sits heavily in their stomach and they wonder idly what the woman would do if they brought it all back up, if they vomited all over her disgusting plastic apron and made a mess of themselves again. It’s probably for the best that they don’t.

After a final, thorough inspection, checking that every inch of them has been bleached clean, the woman finally lowers the chain back down and replaces the cuffs around their wrists and ankles with coarse, hempen rope. It scratches at their skin, still unbearably sensitive and raw, but they don’t breathe a word, and they don’t struggle. They can’t imagine it would do them any good – but then again, how could this get any worse?

Another worker joins them in the room, a strong and muscular-looking orc, and the fae woman finally dresses Xen in a thin, papery robe that barely covers them at all but they’re grateful for it nonetheless. If it weren’t for the way it seemed specifically designed to be pulled over someone whose limbs had already been bound, maybe it could have passed for a hospital gown. The woman secures it around their neck and under their arms with ribbon-like ties and hands them off to the orc without a word. 

Maybe it was exhaustion, or maybe the green paste was drugged – either way, Xen all but falls into the orc as he picks them up and slings them over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes, carrying off down yet another hallway to yet another room. They’re glad they don’t have it in them to fear where they’re going.

[what-dat-ritalin-do]

#1 (Originally Recorded 8th November, 2003)

Wednesday, 8th Nov 2023.

9:35 AM

Psychiatric help is expensive

I went for my first psychiatry session today. I was about an hour long and it was mostly evaluative. Dr. J said I might have Asperger's as well (as ADHD). After taking into account Ayd's diagnosed mild autism and Gold's very possible autism, he said I have some mild traits, but not enough for a full-blown diagnosis. Either I've gotten a little better at condensing my Life Story™  or he's just really good at knowing what to ask. Probably the latter.

He set me up with Ritalin

3 x 10 mg tablets

Taken every morning with or after breakfast

For 1 month

He said I might experience some heart palpitations and suppressed appetite, so I'm going to eat a bit before I try it. He also said that it may be addictive. So I'll take it with precaution. He did say he hasn't had any problems yet, though.

He also suggested I let S know we should start doing full CBT in our sessions.

5:43 PM

Because the session was at 8 AM, I'm very hungry, but the food at the place I'm in isn't too nutritionally balanced. So I'll eat enough to stay satisfied, then do some groceries. I'll have a balanced meal at home, and then try it. I will update then.

It has been approximately 3 hours and 25 minutes since I took my first dose of Ritalin.

I went on a grocery store run after my last entry and only reached home in the afternoon. I had lunch consisting of the following:

Rice

Fried chicken

Sambal

Cucumbers

Fried tofu

Fried tempeh

Peanut sauce

Chocolate cake ball

Not the most well-balanced meal, but at least it covers all the bases. I took the medication with water

10 mg Ritalin x 3

The medication started to effect about 5 minutes after taking it. As expected, I was told it would be fast. For about 10 minutes, I felt an intense uptick in blood circulation. I could feel blood circulating in my veins. I could hear blood pumping in my head. It was like getting stuck in an ocean current, swept away by a strong, uncontrollable force.

And all of a sudden, it was quiet.

I can hear the blood in my body

And the "current" came back. And the chest pains started. For the next couple of hours, I experienced, consistently, waves of an intense rush of blood flow followed by an equally brief period of complete lucid control. I will describe the states:

A. "Current"/Flurry State

My hands shake involuntarily

Periodic chest pains (ranging from slight to sharp)

Sharp back pain

Occasionally lose focus in vision

Instability (difficulty getting up), loss of balance

Dizzyness

B. Clear State

Enhanced ability to make decisions.

-> I am not frozen/caught in between wanting to do two things at once. I just pick one thing and do it. I clear things (eg: Rubbish) immediately. I don't need to "reason with myself".

Mental clarity to accept some of my tasks are not feasible.

-> Related to 1(B), I can quickly evaluate the tasks I want to completely and choose which one is easiest to complete. Immediate execution.

It is now 6:46 PM. According to Dr. J, the effects of the medication should be wearing off. He said they would last for about 4 hours. I can feel myself coming down from the rush. I can feel a low, restless hum rising but I think it will pass soon. I will return tomorrow with another log.

My thoughts get faster. I am able to structure my thoughts more easily to the point where I could visualize myself presenting them to an audience. I have not felt this way in years.

-> I spent a whole hour documenting my experience and detailing my mental health journey to my friends in our group chat. For once, it was easy to structure my words. I didn't have to draft them out in my Notes app first to make sure it made sense. My messages were coherent as I was typing them out.

-> It felt like my thoughts moved faster than my body. My handwriting feels messier, more rushed. I'm writing like I'm afraid my thoughts will fly away if I don't capture them right now. Even when trying to speak my thoughts, it feels like my mouth can't enunciate the amount of words that want to come out at the speed I want it to. My breath can't keep up with my phrasing.

[keefwho]

July 16 - 2023 Sunday

9:40 AM

I’m having the thought that today won’t be a good day. I have this thought every weekend but I accept it as truth. I forget that it’s an assumption of what today COULD be, not something that is bound to happen. I have lots of thoughts like that and I’m trying to make it a habit to put them into concise words and recognize them as only that. They may or may not be true so I shouldn’t assume they are. 

There are things I need to talk about but only when I know I’m evaluated myself better. It sucks because it’s always on my mind and I’m afraid of the answer. Im also afraid I’m not acting from a genuine place but thats why I want to give myself time. I know my heart will let me know what it needs, and that I’ll have to listen to it and accept it. 

12:04 PM

I have so much going on in my head and all I feel like I ever need to do it talk about it but it’s not a good thing to let anyone listen to ALL of it day by day. I do wish I had that person though, someone I could a lot of time with. I feel in my heart thats what I need. Of course I am aware of being too involved or dependent but all I want is more time to interact with and explore each other. I don’t want to think that’s too much to expect from someone because that is what I give. I am extremely devoted and I know it hurts me when I don’t get back what I put in. It shouldn’t but it down. I know this is something I have to figure out inside of myself. I have to balance knowing and working for what I need, and controlling myself when I’m going too far or putting myself in something harmful. 

2:12 PM

I’m losing focus, I can’t forget my main goal right now is just to get perspective on myself. Who am I, where have I been, what have I done, and so on. Im just trying to get a grip on who I am again. That should provide me with the direction I need to go forward. 

My biggest fear is not being able to relate or connect to people. I used to be able to I think, but as friend after friend exited my life, I felt a diminishing capacity to let people in. Even my closest friends I feel myself being shut off towards. I’m trying to cling onto it because I don’t want to shut everyone out. I don’t know whats causing me to keep getting worse. Maybe its been my inability to trust. Even when someone I love tells me they are there for me, as much as I want to believe it, sometimes I can’t. I have all the love I need if only I could accept it.

Watching the Amphibia finale taught me that I am deathly afraid of change and always have been. It makes sense. My family was torn apart at age 5. I went through things at that age that I don’t even remember. I moved house after house, left school after school and friend after friend. All I ever wanted was stability. Then when I got it I didn’t know what to do with it other than cling on. I never wanted anything to change. But they do and they have. I’ve been coping by doing the same thing I have been since high school. Staying on the computer, drawing, and trying to make friends online. Those were cozy times I never wanted to let go. I’ve been living only trying to cling on to what I had and in the process all I do is lose things because I haven’t been able to accept new things. I lack the ability to accept loss and adapt. I live in the past.  

I cry almost every day now. I feel like I’m going crazy.

I’m having the thought that nothing I do matters.

I’m having the thought that I am a lost cause. 

I’m having the thought that I will end up alone. 

I’m having the thought that I am not good enough to improve. 

2:39 PM

I’m REALLY trying to accept that I am not cared about like I want to be. It’s for a good reason, look at me. I get it. But it still hurts. It hurts so much. I’m trying to pry myself off. 

Im having the thought that I’m fucking stupid for thinking I could ever find what I’m looking for. I’m 27 and more alone than I’ve ever been. All because I completely lost who I am and have nothing to offer anyone. I’m a shell.

2:55 PM

I keep doing the same fucking thing over and over and over. I know I am. I know I am being harmful. Maybe the best action I can take is inaction, at least for awhile. I just want to stop messing everything up because of my feelings. 

Im having the thought that no one would miss me if I was the guy that was last online 7 years ago. 

Im having the thought that my whole life is meant to be a tragedy. 

5:55 PM

My self opinion is lower than ever. I’m having the thoughts that my life is falling apart and that I won’t be able to recover. Im afraid to lose Daisy. She’s become such a wonderful person in my life. I’m afraid that I won’t be able to rekindle old friendships. I’m afraid I won’t be able to make new ones. I feel like I’m near the end. I want to recover. 

6:14 PM

I don’t even know how to escape. I have nothing to distract me. Nothing that satisfies me.

7:28 PM

I was distressed enough to call a hotline. I didn’t expect too much but the lady really helped me out. I got a lot out about what’s been bothering me and leading up to this point. I got a little perspective on myself that I need. In general I got a clearer head and I very much appreciate her time. Helen I think her name was. Bless her. She also knew what VRchat was which was funny but no surprising. 

[hanmine]

✿ [ 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐒𝐄𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄 ] 𝐒𝐀𝐍𝐎 𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐉𝐈𝐑𝐎.

warnings: drunk mikey, y’all are exes, ambiguous ending

when mikey calls you at three am, you’re not mad. and when he knocks on your door at half-past three, you aren’t angry. you’re sorry.

because it’s your fault he’s this way, a drunk shell of himself, and even if you tell yourself it’s for good reason that you’ve walked away, you can’t help but think you’re making a big mistake.

“hi,” he whispers, grinning at you as he stumbles around, finding his footing and leaning on your door frame.

and mikey is a poor choice—he is. he’s not exactly a good influence, and he doesn’t exactly follow the rules, and you can’t exactly bring him home to your parents. he’s not a good choice. he’s a bad one. and like all bad choices, there come consequences, and truth be told, you’re not really ready for consequences when it comes to love.

there’s a lot of things that you’ve happily risked for the thrill, but your heart is a little costly, and you’re not sure this is a price you can pay in full. so with deep regret—it’s never easy to do these kinds of things—you leave behind mikey and his wide eyes and his boyish grin and his handsome face and his soft lips. and yeah, it ripped you to shreds, but it completely shattered him, and it’s your fault.

“hello, mikey,” you sigh softly. “why are you here?”

“can…can i come in? pretty please,” he slurs, reaching forward to poke the tip of your nose. he loses his balance, and you all but catch him as he leans his weight onto you. and your first thought should be that this is a compromising situation to be in for two exes trying to move on—well, one of you is trying, anyway—but really, all you can think about is how much lighter he seems. “oops,” he grins. “i went down,” he giggles to himself.

“have you been eating properly?” you frown, helping him regain his step as you guide him to your couch. lighting up at the familiar piece of furniture, he stumbles out of your arms, planting himself over it as he sprawls his legs across the cushions. you take notice of his mismatched socks, but you choose not to say anything.

mikey hates laundry, and even more so, he hates folding it. you shake your head at the piles of unfolded clothes his closet must harbor right about now, and the urge to give him the nagging of a lifetime is paused when he speaks.

“i ate,” he nods.

“when was the last time?” you raise a brow skeptically, and he pouts, sensing the oncoming scolding he’s about to get. he also hates being scolded, which you tend to do a lot of. he never exactly pictured missing the scolding, but love does weird things, he supposes.

“ate ‘n the mornin’, wasn’t that hungry, kay? don’ yell at me—hey, my ex has that shirt!” he points at your wrinkled shirt, looking at it in fascination. “do you know ‘em?” furrowing your brows, you blink at him in confusion.

“what do you mean—”

“well, if you do, don’ talk to ‘em,” he mumbles. “they’re mean. broke my heart, ya know? so mean,” he huffs, and there’s a slight sniffle that rings through the air as he picks at a loose thread on his pants, staring down at his lap dejectedly. you fight the urge to kiss the pout right off his lips.

“oh yeah? how bad?” you question, and he crosses his arms, fighting off the wobble of his lips as he glares at the ground. your heart aches at how small he looks, fragile and so unlike his usual self.

“real, real bad. i was gonna ask ‘em to move in with me, and then they said ‘i don’ think i can do this anymore,’” he tells you through a watery voice, and a tear or two slip past his cheeks. “then just don’ think. ‘s simple,” he huffs, and despite the clear pain he’s in, you can’t help but laugh quietly at the last statement, earning yourself a glare. and it’s your fault. you knew who mikey was from the start, but he’s too hard to resist, and now you’ve landed him here.

drunk and heartbroken and on your couch—not even realizing you are his ex, and you’re very much real and here.

“yeah, they sound awful,” you nod, “like the absolute worst.” mikey shoots you an even nastier glare this time. you are awful for leaving him, quite possibly the worst to roam amongst men, but who are you to say that?

“don’ talk about ‘em like that, kay? ‘s the love o’ my life you’re talkin’ bout,” he warns, and as you raise your hands up in surrender, you can’t help but yearn to go back to how things used to be. and you’re not sure if your resolve is weak, or if he just looks that small, but you reach over and brush the tears off his cheeks, cradling his face gently.

“you really love them, huh?” you murmur, and he nods, sniffling as he leans into the warmth of your hand. and it’s not like he wants to be touched by someone other than you—it’s simply that he hasn’t been touched so softly in quite a while. mikey keeps your hand against his cheek, pressing into the palm that he doesn’t even realize is yours, and he figures it’s still a good excuse to have someone be close to him.

“yeah,” he mumbles. “but i gotta plan,” he says suddenly, determination flooding his voice. raising a brow, you grab the blanket you keep on the couch, pushing him back lightly to lay on his back as you cover him up. you tuck the blanket under his chin, and if you hadn’t caught yourself, you’d have pressed a soft kiss to his forehead.

“oh yeah? what’s the plan,” you play along, stifling a giggle as he looks around.

“coast’s all clear?”

“all clear,” you nod seriously, and he gestures you closer. you indulge mikey in his little request, and maybe this is wrong, but you can’t help it, really. you can’t seem to stay away, and little by little, your mind is wandering to the possibilities if perhaps you weren’t exes anymore.

“i can’t tell ya, ‘s a secret,” he giggles, eyes filling with glee as you purse your lips and roll yours at him. “gotcha,” he laughs, and you shake your head in amusement.

“yeah, you sure did get me,” you chuckle, ruffling his hair. and for a second, a small glimpse of the mikey you know peeks through, and you can’t help but wonder if this is a wise choice, leaving him behind like this. “now sleep,” you say seriously, and even as he grumbles about not being tired, he slowly dozes off.

“‘m gonna win ‘em back, watch,” he murmurs before letting sleep take him over, and it almost feels like things are like they used to be. and it just feels too right to be wrong.

“we’ll see, mikey,” you whisper. he huffs out a soft snore, unaware of the tiny kiss you do end up planting to his forehead as you bid him goodnight. maybe mikey brings consequences, and maybe he’s not exactly ideal, but you’re starting to wonder if consequences are always a bad thing.

a/n: ty ris for the beta read

[violettelueur]

RYŌMEN SUKUNA || PROUD

| featuring : ryōmen sukuna from jujutsu kaisen

| warnings : grammar errors, swearing and mentions of injuries, blood and death.

| form : imagine

| word count : 1574

| published : 18 november

| request : Aaaa,, I really love your Sukuna imagines! Can I request an Imagine where it’s related to ‘kind hearted’, the reader gets hurt and sukuna gets upset? Thank you so much! Keep up with the great work!! 💞🦦

| barista’s notes : let me admit this, i’m not confident with this imagine ʕ ㅇ ᴥ ㅇʔ i tried changing it a few times but i was really doubting myself every time and this was the result of it, so i’m so sorry if you don’t like it ʕ； •`ᴥ•´ʔ also i’m not really good with fight scenes so if there are any advices that can be given to me, thank you so much ʕ ꈍᴥꈍʔ i hope you love your classic cup of black coffee and come again soon!

To say that you were screwed was more than an understatement. 

Right now wasn’t the ideal situation to be in for any jujutsu sorcerer that wasn’t Gojo’s level.

At this moment and time, standing in front of you was a special grade curse.

What made the situation worse was that Kugisaki was separated from the whole group making the mission more complicated than it needed to be.

“Itadori! Fushiguro! Go find Kugisaki and find the exit to the building, I’ll keep the curse in place!” you demanded, as you knew you didn’t have much time to explain the risky plan you came up with.

“Are you crazy? It’s a special grade there is no way you could defeat it right now!” Fushiguro shouted, trying to know what was going on in your head, thinking that you were utterly crazy for what you just stated to him and his classmate.

“I don’t care! Look, it’s having fun and underestimating us meaning it will use weaker attacks on me, buying time shouldn’t be too hard, just give me a signal when you and Itadori are safe, okay?”

Looking at you with widen eyes, Fushiguro continued to look at you like you had gone completely insane before closing them to clear his mind. What you were saying had much sense in it. Compared to the remaining people in the room, you were the one that had the most potential to defeat the special grade curse if you could, even when you and him were both grade two sorcerers. 

“Okay,” Fushiguro muttered quietly - still reluctant to leave you - before turning around and grabbing Itadori to go along with your plan, leaving you completely alone to defend yourself.

Turning back around to look at your opponent, you reached to the side of your hip to grip on the halt of your katana before slowly pulling the sword out from its sheath. From what you could observe, this special grade wasn’t a normal special grade, there was no way it could be deemed one yet it was. From what was going on around you, the curse hadn’t been able to construct a complete Domain Expansion, more of an Innate Domain at best making you come to the conclusion that it must have eaten a cursed object at best to become as powerful as it is - most likely Sukuna’s finger for one example.

Lifting your sword in front of you, you aimed the pointed tip at your opponent before tilting your head to the side to see what else you could observe from your distance.

“Would cutting your head off look best or would cutting both of your arms first be more sufficient?”

Of course, the curse couldn’t reply to you leaving it to only physically answered you with an immense amount of curse energy forming within the palm of its hand, ready to throw it at you.

“Looks like your arms are the first thing I gotta get rid of,” you answered yourself, as you quickly dodging the attack, only to suddenly appear in front of your opponent, leaving yourself enough space to swing your sword down to fully slash its left arm off as you then went ahead and spun behind its body to slice off the other off before pulling yourself back to gain some distance away from the curse.

However, what you had completely forgotten was that special grade curses were able their curse energy to heal themselves, as the curse’s arms suddenly regenerated as if you didn’t cut them off seconds before.

“Damn, I should have gotten your head first ha?” you rhetorically questioned, before using your free hand to pull a long black chain out of your pocket and attaching one end to the hilt of your katana. “Let’s see how fast you can catch,” you commented, as you then threw your katana while aiming for it’s head, using your curse energy to increase the speed it was going at. However, much to your dismay the curse unexpectantly grabbed onto the metal blade, leaving you no choice but to let your curse energy slowly flow through the chain all the way up to the blade causing a large red orb form at the end, quickly exploding before the curse could even react to stop it.

Swiftly, you pulled the chain back so you could retrieve your sword only to then suddenly see the smoke clearing and a large wave of curse energy coming towards your direction.

“Shit!”

In sheer panic, you use your feet to push yourself to the right to move away from the blast before your whole vision was concealed by the rubble and dust. 

Pain. That was all you felt. Pure pain. 

Were you going to die? Wasn’t you expecting that once you told both your classmates to find Kugisaki and run? You couldn’t lie to yourself, it was too painful to think about death right now. You couldn’t think straight at all.

Once the smoked cleared, all that the special curse could see was your standing figure panting heavily with your left sleeve completely gone due to the blast as blood gushed down your left arm. You had barely managed to get yourself out of the hands of instant death and luckily nothing of your body was disintegrated, just some burns and cuts here and there - to say it was surprising to see you standing was an understatement.

“From our battle so far, you lack the form of curse technique, but you still can pack a punch, ah it hurts,”

The blood loss was getting to you. Yes, having no limbs was not the better option but you could still live with that. What humans couldn’t do was stay alive with no blood and here you were quickly losing your live source the flowed in your body. You couldn’t even cover the wound as there was nothing you could cover it with and even if you did, the wound was too large to be covered. 

You were losing the strength to stand.

You were losing your balance.

You were losing consciousness.

Suddenly, you heard a loud sound of a howl from a distance. Instantly, you knew that Fushiguro and Itadori were able to find Kugisaki and get out. It was his signal. 

However, you weren’t so lucky in that factor, from the state that you were in, there was no way in hell you were able to escape now - but you were okay with that. If the other’s were safe, that was better than not knowing if they made it out alive. Slowly, you were starting to lose the feeling in your legs, causing you to completely losing your balance.

‘Damn,’ you thought, as you felt your whole body suddenly dropping leaving you no strength left to even brace for the impact, leaving you to close your eyes and admitting defeat.

However, just as you were able to fall to the ground, you suddenly felt a pair of arms catching you before you were quickly lifted up bridal style and pulled into a warm embrace surprising you completely from the sudden comfort of what you thought was your lonely end. Who was still in the building? You thought everyone got out, so who was carrying you right now?

From your limited sight, you could slowly make out someone in a dark uniform similar to the colour you wore, meaning it had to be someone from the team. However, the extreme pressure of curse energy that was somewhat suffocating you determined otherwise - no one within the area right now had this much power, no one at all. Unless…..

“Were you the one that caused this?”

Sukuna…

All you could hear right now a shaking tone as well as the couple droplets of water that was within the Innate Domain that surrounded you.

“For a grade two sorcerer, she really blew half of your body up with that little curse technique she used on you, I’m quite proud of my little one,” Sukuna uncharacteristically complimented you, as he gently pressed a little kiss on top of your head before gently smiling at you - knowing you won’t be able to see this rare expression on his face.

“You see, I’ve grown fond of this little human in my arms right now, and for you to do this much damage to her body, really weirdly angers me,” Sukuna stated before he turned around and began to walk away. “Wait there for a quick second would you? I need to take care of this one right now,” Sukuna commented, before gently placing you down at a safe spot to which he then started to use his curse energy to quickly heal your wound once he sat you up straight. 

Brushing away some of the hairs that were in your face, Sukuna placed one last light lingering kiss on your forehead before saying, “I’m proud of you, just wait a little longer, I’ll be back,”.

What was going on?

This had to be a hallucination. There was no question about that. There was no way Sukuna could have saved you let alone kissed you in any way. This was all a hallucination. Wasn’t it?

However, you didn’t have the power to stay awake any longer, resulting you to surrender to the tiredness that was taking over you, letting the darkness invade your whole surroundings, but not before letting out a little mutter under your breath.

‘Proud ha?’

[chateautae]

maybe i do | kth. I

➵ summary :  maybe you love each other, maybe you don’t. when a deal between your fathers leaves you forcefully wedding kim taehyung, arguably seoul’s most powerful CEO, you’re prepared for a loveless marriage of eternal regret and unhappiness. but maybe, it doesn’t turn out that way after all.

↳  part of the high-class series!

➵ pairing : taehyung x reader

➵ genre :  arranged marriage!au, ceo!tae, s2l!au, eventual smut, fluff, angst 

➵ rating : 18+

➵ word count : 11k

➵ warnings : swearing, alcohol consumption, anxiety, lots of feels about marriage, a stupid ex (reader’s), mentions of bad sexual experiences with ex (there’s consent, just bad sex that makes the reader feel shitty), does ceo tae count as a warning? 

➵ a/n: hello my first fic of my favourite trope arranged marriage, AND with kim taehyung?? yes pls !! this will be a series and I’ll be actively working on it so you don’t have to wait too long for chapters, i hope you can follow this series with me <33

chapter one : “my forever’s falling down”  

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“Another one, Father? I thought I told you my secretary would be handling marriage profiles from now on. Stop concerning yourself with who I marry.” 

“But I do, son. Trust me, I know this girl, she’s the daughter of a trusted friend and I think she’s a good match.” 

“Father, everyone you choose for me I dislike and it’s distracting me from my work. I don’t need this right now.” 

“She’s different, Taehyung. I personally know her and I’m certain you won’t say no.” 

“And why is that?” 

“There’s something about her you won’t refuse, son, you’ll notice it when you meet her.” 

“I don’t want to meet her, Father. Like I said, I need to work.” 

“I just knew you’d act this way. Want to know something, son? I’ve made her part of a business deal, you can’t back out of this.”

“What? You made her part of a business deal?! Why would you-”

“Because you wouldn’t have given her a chance otherwise, you haven’t been giving anyone a chance since I’ve been setting up potential partners for you and I’m sick of it. You said you were open to an arranged marriage, where’s that attitude now?”

“Because, Father, I have a company to run and that’s-”

“No. I will not allow you to reduce your life to just this company. There are far more enjoyable things in life than a business.”

“But Father-”

“No, Taehyung. One thing you need to learn is balance. If you don’t give anyone or anything a chance you will live a lonely life behind your desk. Even in this cutthroat world of business where you can lose money or be betrayed by anyone at any moment, the most painful thing to suffer is loneliness, and I won’t let you live in this world alone.”

“Dad-”

“You will meet this girl, Taehyung, end of discussion.” 

“Dad! I told you I want nothing to do with your company, how could you let me get dragged into this?!” 

“Y/N-ie, I know you value the life you have without any of my help, but let me help just this once, especially with finding a husband. I’m being offered the deal of a lifetime and I can’t refuse, he just happens to be part of it. I need this for the company, please.”

“But Dad, I don’t even know him. And if he’s the CEO of some rich company he’s probably an asshole, I’m not doing this.” 

“Y/N-ie, trust me, I know his son. He’s a sincere, hard-working man, I promise.”

“Yeah, right. Even if that’s the case, I still don’t know him, let alone love him, Dad. How can you make me marry someone I don’t love?”

“Because you can learn to love him. There are no rules concerning the way two people should fall in love, love doesn’t always need to come first.”

“But Dad-”

“My daughter, I have not asked you for many things in my life, but this is one thing I must ask of you. Please, just meet him, don’t say no without even trying.”

“Dad, I don’t know-”

“Please, Y.N, do it for me. If not for the company or money, please do it for me.”

And here you were, fidgeting with the tips of your nails, tuning in and out of the present world and overthinking every aspect of your life that somehow lead you to this moment. Sitting on a Leather Italia couch in what was described to be Mr. Kim’s study; listening to your father’s incessant, albeit wholesome chatter next to you with your future in-laws across. 

And next to them was their suave, unreadable son sitting in a relaxed manner, flipping his attention between your fathers’ conversation and anything else in the room.

You on the other hand, were utterly high strung due to the fact that your father failed to mention your future fiancé’s identity until 30 minutes before arriving here, having done a quick search in the car to unveil who he exactly was.

And that’s when it hit you. You weren’t marrying just anyone, you were getting married to Kim Taehyung. The infamous CEO of Kim Enterprises—Korea’s largest software development and manufacturing company, rivaling to be one of the largest in the world. He was part of Seoul’s most prestigious circle of businessmen, having made multiple Forbes international lists of Most Successful, Youngest, Richest, and is even one of Korea’s most eligible bachelors, not just Seoul.

If this wasn’t already taking you out, then it was definitely the fact that his photos through a measly Google search did him absolutely, utterly and completely no justice. They simply could never capture the truth of just how handsome Kim Taehyung was in real life. You couldn’t deny it, he wasn’t just good-looking, he was stunning, gorgeous, seemed as though God had created the universe, heaven and hell in 6 days and left the 7th just to create him. 

He was like a work of art, worthy of being placed in the finest of museums and left untouched, unsodden by the ugliness of humanity. It made you feel extremely inferior to him in an instant. It was sickening, he was sickening, intoxicating, and quite frankly, intimidating.

It was his look, his undivided stare when he eventually settled his sight on you. It didn’t matter his dark hair that landed and perfectly curled above his eyes, the way he occasionally licked his plush lips or how his long, tall legs spread out before him, it was his look that made you want to turn tail and run.  

It seemed to reach into your soul, peer straight through whatever façade, walls or defense mechanisms you could spend years building only to have his simple look tear it down in minutes. He was alluring, captivating, left you wanting to cower into whatever hole you could dig yourself into or discover all the secrets he hid behind those enchanting eyes.

Kim Taehyung was many things you couldn’t quite wrap your head around, though you assessed your priorities and decided they didn’t just include him, but mainly the significance of the current meeting taking place right now. 

It wasn’t a mere one-time business deal to discuss a project, it was a meeting that entailed the partnership of both your family companies and would define the next however many years of your life. More specifically, spending it with the exact same man that looked at you without a single readable expression on his face. 

You distracted yourself by trying to observe as many useless things as you could, flitting around the room many times before suddenly glancing at Taehyung’s index finger coming up to rest against his lips.

You zeroed your vision in more. 

Is that a cut on his finger?

“Jae-in, of course! This is just as important to me as it is to you, your son is a remarkable CEO, and I’m sure he’ll make an amazing husband.” 

“Aish, Namhyun, you flatter me too much. My son may be handsome, though your daughter is even more beautiful. I’m very sure she will make a wonderful wife.”

“Yes, Namhyun, your daughter is absolutely gorgeous! Just as gorgeous as her mother. I know she wasn’t able to make it, though may I ask where your wife is tonight?” 

“Ah, unfortunately, she’s out of the country. Though I was hoping my presence would be enough to fill in for her, am I doing a bad job?” 

Laughter erupted from the parents in the room, meanwhile, Taehyung couldn’t help but notice the way you immediately winced at the mention of your mother. Something he definitely wouldn’t miss with the way he found himself examining your every move. 

It was habitual to him, something born out of his roots in business, only for the purpose of calculating and reading people like an open book. 

He knew you’d also become victim to that habit, though oddly enough, he found himself quite interested in observing you. He had already figured you out; you hated business, there was a clear disconnection between yourself and your father’s company and you reeked of a sense of independence that funnily contradicted the antsy way you bounced your leg. 

Your way of speech, however, mannerisms, gestures, your look; it was all professional enough you clearly have some sort of background in business. You seemed like an heiress to Taehyung, which you were, though you oddly had no interest in business?   

All these details piqued his interest, curious of just who you exactly were, but he was mainly intrigued by the mysterious claim his father made upon mentioning you for the first time. 

‘There’s something about her you won’t refuse.’

That had raked Taehyung’s brain consistently for the past hour now, crossing his legs loosely and his arms folded over his chest, contemplating over and over again as he looked at you, what’s so damn special about her? 

‘You’ll notice it when you meet her,’ the words rang in his ears.

That was the driving force behind his calculation, observation, near inability to take his eyes off of you as he learned new things nearly every minute and led him closer to understanding his father.  

He could tell you were an anxious person, though hid it behind a persona of false confidence. You had a tendency to stick close to your father despite observing you don’t rely on him for much of anything, even less your mother. The softness behind your every movement despite being from a business background where you should be harsh, rigid, rough around the edges, and yet you seemed entirely different.

Taehyung then realized how inherently dissimilar you were to many of the other women he met. They were all relatively of the same cut and look. Cold, sharp, cunning. All women of pure business; daughters, granddaughters or straight CEOs of wealthy companies, simply interested in marriage as a deal or an advantage rather than a commitment. 

And there was absolutely nothing wrong with that. Taehyung was a man of business himself, married to his work, his home behind a desk and the company the only thought occupying his mind 24/7.

But with you, you were interesting, unlike the others and it made him curious.

Taehyung also couldn’t help but notice you were...pretty. You weren’t too overly sexy nor too innocent, you were pretty. There was an elegance to your looks, features like your hair and eyes complementing you as a whole, and he couldn’t miss that you felt oddly...warm.

Taehyung found himself beginning to understand his father’s original viewpoint, considering the possibility he could’ve been correct. 

You just seemed different. 

“Ah, that seems to be everything. Exact details about the wedding have already been put in place by us.”

“Yes! We’ve been waiting for our TaeTae to get married for so long. We’ve had plans for months now and we can finally move forward with them! You and Y/N don’t need to worry about anything!” 

“Mom, did you really just call me that in front of my future fiancé?” 

“Oh, let it go, son. It won't be long before she calls you that, too!” 

Taehyung could only playfully roll his eyes at his overly excited mother, you scrunching your nose at the embarrassment.

“That’s incredibly generous of you, Mr. and Mrs. Kim, though my conscience is not one to let such things go. My family should contribute to the wedding in some way. Y/N and I would be happy to do so.”

“Why don’t we discuss that outside? I believe we should give the future couple some time alone, shall we?” 

You and Taehyung exchanged a quick look before standing up and respectively addressing either’s parents, Taehyung shutting the door behind them once they exited and having turned to look at you, an awkward silence piercing the air. 

There it was again, his look. It was irrefutably the one reason you avoided eye contact with him, you felt he would swallow you up if you shared even 5 seconds between each other.

“So...” Taehyung suddenly broke the ice, eyeing you.

“So...” 

“Marriage, huh?” 

“Yeah, marriage. Never done that one before.” If there wasn’t a time you vehemently hated yourself, then it was undoubtedly now. You internally facepalmed at your dumb comment, adding a laugh at the end in embarrassment only to look away. 

“Uh..yeah.” Taehyung laughed awkwardly. “Me neither, if you didn’t already know.” He tucked his hands into his pockets and looked away, you fidgeting by the couches everyone previously occupied. 

A beat of silence passed as you both exchanged looks between objects in the room and each other, either of you pursing your lips or blowing light raspberries to cut the awkwardness. 

“I wanted to ask you something.” 

“Hm?” You turned towards him, lips just a pout as your doe-eyes awaited him. 

Taehyung didn’t miss that at all. 

“Um, your mother. I apologize if this is intrusive of me, though I couldn’t help but notice I’ve never actually met her. May I ask where she is?” 

You let out a dry chuckle before answering, another detail that didn’t slip Taehyung’s attention. “Trust me, Taehyung, one thing you’ll never have to worry about during this entire ordeal is my mother. She should be the last thing on your mind.” You assured him with what he could tell was your fakest smile, distracting him from the realization you’d said his name for the first time.

“Are you sure? I’ll be meeting her at the wedding so-”

“You won’t. I don’t think you will. Even if she does make it, it takes very little to impress her, just be yourself and she’ll love you.” You stated with a sense of finality, as though the topic should be dropped. 

“Be myself? I’m one of the best businessmen in Korea. It’s my job to get people to like me, easy stuff.” He casually gloated. 

“You don’t only have to be a businessman to do that,” you paused and looked at him, “you can just be Kim Taehyung, too.” You spoke nonchalantly, eyes lingering with his for longer than 5 seconds and he, in fact, had not swallowed you yet. 

Taehyung instantly furrowed his eyebrows, taken aback as if your suggestion was something outlandish, absurd, maybe even offending.

Nobody has ever said such a thing to him, not throughout the entirety of his life. 

Taehyung tried his best to recover, searching for another topic of conversation before he was cut off by your rather soft voice, he noticed. 

“Oh, I wanted to give you this.” You stepped towards him, reaching into your purse and retrieving something Taehyung couldn’t quite see. You strided over and extended your hand, Taehyung finding himself even more confused.

“A bandage?” 

“Mhm. For the cut on your finger. You should probably clean it and apply something before putting this on.” You stated nonchalantly once again, offering him a small smile whilst holding out the bandage. 

“Uh...” Taehyung started but couldn’t complete his sentence, lost on how you even observed something as small as his cut and spoke of treating it like it was an actual injury.  

After his struggle to form a sentence, you grew bold enough to gently remove his hand from his pocket and place the bandage in his palm, looking back up at him. You shared a momentary look with his chocolate eyes, instantly scrambling after realizing your hand was still in his.

He has really big hands. 

“We should um...probably go.” You avoided his eyes, stepping aside quickly to pull the door open.

Taehyung’s mind felt displaced, eyebrows furrowed in confusion at the fact that someone had actually left him with nothing to say, an extremely rare occurrence in his book.

He was even more displaced looking at the measly wrapper in his hand, then at the cut on the side of his finger, playing through the last 5 minutes of what just happened.

He scoffed to himself.

‘There’s something about her you won’t refuse.’

It had been 3 weeks since that meeting, not having seen Taehyung once as you wasted your time enjoying single life luxuries before you prepared for one of marriage.

It still felt odd to say such a thing, marriage, because it didn’t even feel like one, or a real one at that. It was forced, fake, a pressured one out of convenience. It felt more like a deal, something Taehyung and yourself had to settle for in order to keep your parents’ minds at ease.

That thought racked your brain all those 3 weeks; Taehyung had to settle for you, he didn’t choose you, just as much as you settled for him and didn’t choose him either. You both had ultimately agreed to the marriage only in an effort to optimize your parents’ happiness, not your own.

You had no clue how he felt, a mystery as much as the Bermuda Triangle, knowing he most certainly had a grand pick of women to choose from and you were most definitely his worst option.

You knew you were suddenly dumped on him, leaving him no choice in the matter as you learned your marriage entailed a beneficial business deal between your fathers’ companies, and Taehyung couldn’t really refuse you with so much on the line.

You had already felt inferior to Taehyung since the moment you met him, though your insecurities seeped further into the crevices of your doubtful mind the more you thought over that sad fact, contemplating a married life with him. In your opinion you were pretty much undesirable to him, Taehyung probably kicking himself knowing he had to unwillingly call you his wife for the rest of his life. 

You just knew you weren’t good enough for him, you would never measure up no matter how hard you’d try and that utterly terrified you. You were confident and independent when it came to yourself, though wedding a near perfect being regarded as one of Seoul’s finest in terms of a CEO and a man? 

Confidence be damned, this dude was intimidating. 

These were the feelings that swarmed your head as you sulked at your over-the-top engagement party, set up in a prestigious buildings’ gorgeous 37th floor riddled with baroque styling and embellishments, classical music gracing some of Seoul’s wealthiest patrons as their flutes clinked and snobby chatter filled the hall. 

It was all extremely high-status, reeking of upper class supremacy and quite frankly, it made you want to throw up.

You distracted yourself by bringing any and all types of alcohol to your lips, trying to focus on anything but your daunting thoughts.

The entire night you hadn’t talked to Taehyung, both of you having been too occupied with the numerous amounts of people meeting and congratulating you. This became a genuine nuisance as you’d mentioned before, this marriage was of convenience, one that brought families and companies together merrily and constituted hundreds of people attending your engagement party you didn’t really know.

Your friends were excited, over-the-moon you bagged a man like Taehyung and chastised you for not having told them about your engagement to him earlier. Your relatives similarly scolded you, pinching your cheeks and praising Taehyung like he was a God while they scrunched their noses at you for concealing him.

How could I tell you when I didn’t even know myself?, you thought.

It was funny they praised your ‘choice’ of a fiancé, positive nobody was saying the same to Taehyung without at least lying. The public only knew of you as your father’s daughter, never having seen you due to your vehement absence from anything remotely related to his company, and much of the business world in general. 

You weren’t part of that world, a world of greed and money-driven lunatics. It just wasn't you. It never suited you, left you with a bad taste in your mouth you constantly grimaced at and thought maybe you were the insane one for not understanding its flavour. As you grew older, however, you came to realize it simply wasn’t the path meant for you, someone who valued the independence and achievement of earning something for yourself, by yourself.

Ever since the inception of that principal, your young teenage self resolved you didn’t want to rely on your father’s wealth, especially not his influence or power to achieve your own place in life.

Your father had worked determinedly hard for years in order to stand as high he does now, warranting your acute admiration for your role model of a father, his now successful architecture business landing him a few buildings part of the Seoul skyline.

And after finally achieving his dream, it suddenly morphed into your own aspiration. His hard work drove you to want your own design part of Seoul’s breathtaking scenery as well, by means of your own effort, your own hard work. You didn’t want your father’s help. It felt wrong, like you were cheating if you used him to gain your place and so you condemned your life to one that separated yours and his. 

So you lived, worked and earned money without any of his influence.

You worked for an average architecture company where you felt comfortable, happy that you were away from the suffocating high-status business of your family. And although your detachment left your identity a mystery to many, your situation on the other hand was an extremely infamous one.

‘The-runaway-heiress’, was your staple trademark. The judgmental comments about your choice of life and the insults it warranted were never-ending, subjected to that criticism all your life.

There was no doubt Taehyung was hearing all of that, people probably warning him to step out of the marriage before it was too late. You weren’t like Taehyung, who was perfect, desirable, someone everyone either wanted or wanted to be. It left you glad and quite frankly, proud to be wedding a man of such caliber and incredibility, though left you wondering why in God’s name he would ever agree to marry someone like you; average, average and well, average.

“That’s your 5th shot, Y/N, slow the fuck down.” Your best friend Hana’s voice pulled you out of your thoughts, snatching the shot glass from your grasp. “It wouldn’t be cool if you were trashed at your own party, dummy.” 

Her sudden appearance brought a smile to your face. “I know, I just don’t feel well.” You sighed by the counter of the bar, seated atop a stool as you circled an empty shot glass mindlessly. 

“I get you, there’s like, hundreds of people here and you’re probably hearing a lot of different shit.” Hana appealed to you, having read your emotions like an open book. “Speaking of people, I wanted to ask, what’s up with Taehyung and his stare?”

You stifled a snort, looking at Hana’s incredulous face. “It’s just a habit of his. He stares at everyone.”

“Okay... sure, but I didn’t mean everyone, I meant you.” Hana emphasized, comically pointing.

You furrowed your eyebrows at her, arm leaning against the bar’s counter as you questioned, “What do you mean?”

“He doesn’t really stop staring at you, which is kinda weird. Unless you like that, I don’t judge people’s kinks.” Hana mockingly held her hands up in surrender, gauging a reaction out of you. 

You instantly grimaced, “It’s not a kink, Hana. Nice joke by the way, wanna sign up for SNL with that one?”

“I’m serious! I’ve been catching him just looking at you and I don’t know if it’s weird or hot.” Hana informed as you became more puzzled, her becoming oddly excited, “Awh, maybe he’s concerned with how much you keep drinking! That’s so romantic.” She chimed, looking off into the distance dreamily.

“Shut the fuck up, he wouldn’t do that.” You smacked her arm, snatching your shot glass back from her. “Besides, you’re one of the rare people who knows this marriage is fake, you know he doesn’t care.”

“Jheez, way to kill romance?” Hana rolled her eyes, smacking your arm in rebuttal before continuing. “I’m serious, though. This may be fake but he really does keep looking at you, and I don’t know what it means.” Hana speculated, contorting her lips as if in thought.

“It means nothing, Hana. You’re just seeing things.”

“Then why has he been staring at you depressed by the bar for the last half an hour?”

You nearly spit out your drink, “What?”

“Are you clueless or just dumb? He’s been talking to someone for 30 minutes but most of the time he’s been looking at you, and he still is, how haven’t you noticed?”

You creased your eyebrows in surprise as you slowly lowered your shot glass. You turned away from Hana to scan the small crowds of people mingling, eating, drinking in the hall.

You searched the room, drink still in hand until your eyes caught tall, dark and handsome in his finely pressed suit, casually standing with a drink in his hand by a table speaking to someone. You nearly jumped when your eyes locked with Taehyung’s, every cell in your body caught off guard.

What made your heart specifically race was the way he didn’t even look away from you. He held your gaze, casually conversing with the person in front of him, eyeing you until he finally cracked a small smirk before turning back to his companion.

Your eyebrows practically shot up to the sky.

“See, weird or hot? Am I even allowed to say hot?” Hana blurted as she reveled in your reaction. “And you really thought I was joking. You don’t believe anything I say, I could tell you the world’s ending and you wouldn’t believe me. I could tell you aliens finally invaded the planet and you wouldn’t believe me until the green motherfuckers knocked on your door themselves and-”

“Hana, shut the fuck up.” You cut her off abruptly and made a face at her. “Why did you even come here?”

“Grumpy, aren’t we?” She flashed you a sarcastic look before sighing. “Your dad wanted me to find you. You and Taehyung have to meet someone important, so you should stop drinking like an alcoholic, dumbass.” Hana informed hastily as she grabbed the shot glass from you and downed it herself.

“Your dad’s by the entrance, go before he gets mad!” She shooed you away, pushing you up until you whisper-yelled and smacked at her to let you go. 

You began stepping towards the entrance, smoothing over your dress and this was the moment you realized you may have drank a little too much. You were quick to reprimand yourself, cursing your unprofessional behavior as your inner equilibrium became slightly woozy, senses drowning out a bit, every sound hazed over with a buzz in your veins.

You sucked in a breath to pull yourself together, knowing your dad valued this person enough you and Taehyung had to meet them together. 

Taehyung.

You decided to glance in his direction, lips pursing seeing he wasn’t in his previous spot. You chose to ignore it, walking along until you felt a looming presence behind you, almost having time to acknowledge it before a hand suddenly touched the small of your back. 

“Looking for me?”

You nearly squealed, jumping with a hand ready to punish before calming down at the sight of Taehyung, sighing with relief. “Jheez, could you use my name? I thought you were a stranger.” 

“Well, hello to you too.” Taehyung quipped sarcastically. “And why would a stranger touch your back? Of course it’d be the only man in this room marrying you.” Taehyung narrowly eyed you, scrutinizing your reaction with his hand still pressed to you.

“People do a lot of whatever the hell they want, Taehyung.” You responded turning away from him, heels clacking as you continued to pace towards where your father stood. “W-why’d you do that, anyway?” 

Taehyung furrowed his eyebrows. “Because we’re engaged?”

“It’s not real, though.”

“It’s as real as it gets.” Taehyung finalized, making it a statement to smile at everyone you passed, to which you realized just how many pairs of eyes glued themselves to you. “This may not feel like a real marriage to us, but to the rest of the world it is.” 

He then suddenly leaned himself down to your height and lowered his tone, breath just ghosting your ear. “Y/N, we have to make this seem real, it’s the only way we’ll survive.” Taehyung was the closest he’s ever been to you, and the deep baritone of his voice as he called your name did absolutely nothing but manifest butterflies in your chest. 

Why was his voice so deep?

You shook the thought out of your head, ultimately choosing not to say anything because he was in fact, correct. You grinned widely continuing to mask the truth of your arrangements, leaning into him more as you settled for his hand on your back.

You’d noticed it before, but his hand felt particularly large against you now that he was so close. You glanced at his other hand resting by his side, impressed by how masculine they appeared; long fingers with running veins and a roughness to them, sculpted so well you were sure they deserved to be referred to as art. It tickled your giddy side for a second when they seemed to perfectly contrast your more feminine and smaller hands. 

It was kinda cute. 

You neglected your thoughts once you neared your father, warm-heartedly conversing with a well-dressed man you just about recognized. 

“Ah, there you both are!” Your father cheered, reaching out his arm so he could envelop you in a side-hug, returning Taehyung’s bow and addressment.  

“Dad, I heard you wanted us to meet someone?” You perked up in a superficial tone, at least attempting to act as though everything was fine and dandy in your life; maybe owing it to the alcohol to endure all the falsehoods.

“Yes, Y/N-ie, I wanted you to meet Mr. Won. Chang-in, my lovely daughter and whom I guess you already know, her fiancé and CEO of Kim Enterprises, Kim Taehyung.” Your father proudly presented you both.

“Nice to meet you, Mr. Won, Kim Taehyung.” Taehyung was the first to address the man, extending his hand and bowing as he greeted him. You were almost taken aback by how polite he could be, the way his charming smile graced his features and attractively displayed his perfect teeth. His manner of speech and etiquette were all refined with a high degree of professionalism as well, internally gawking at his duality.  

Wasn’t he acting all entitled with you just now? 

“Nice to meet you as well!” You collected yourself and cheered, a little baffled as to why Taehyung still rested his hand against your back. “I’m hoping my father has only said good things.” You earned a laugh from the group, Mr. Won responding by receiving your hand with a firm shake. 

“Ah, Namhyun, you forgot to mention how beautiful your daughter has grown, and your future son-in-law has me jealous! What a handsome and accomplished young man, the perfect match, the two of them.” Mr. Won praised you both kindly.

You and Taehyung both smiled and thanked him humbly, feeling some heat collect in your cheeks upon Mr. Won’s words. You two? The perfect match? Unless he believes a rock and a Greek statue belong together, then he’s absolutely correct. 

Other than that, you chest swarms with butterflies thinking you’re now referred to as ‘two’. 

Taehyung for some odd reason encircles the curve of your waist suddenly, pulling you closer to him. You last minute sputter at the intimate action before leaning into him, one arm nervously encasing his torso as the other rests against his chest. 

You feel him tense underneath you. 

“Aish, you’re such a flatterer. Y/N-ie, do you remember Mr. Won? My friend from university? You haven’t seen him in a while.” Your father rested a hand on your shoulder, trying to jog your memory. 

“Oh, you mean Mr. Won from SNU?” You suddenly remembered, looking to your father for confirmation. 

“Yes, so you do remember!” 

“Of course I do, how could I forget!” You smiled brightly and returned your gaze to the familiar man. “Mr. Won used to sneak me ice cream when you wouldn’t let me have any, Dad.” You scolded him with a playful jab to his arm, inviting more laughter. “I apologize for not recognizing you right away, it’s been a long time, Mr. Won, forgive me.” You solemnly apologized, Mr. Won giving you a look of understanding. 

“Ah, forget it, Y/N. Don’t worry about it, although since it’s been a long time I hope you remember my son? He should be here somewhere..” Mr. Won trailed as his eyes fished over the grand hall, scanning around. 

“Your son..” You repeated to yourself, realizing there was a familiar connection itching at your mind, he was your age actually-

Wait. 

Oh God, not him. 

Anything but him. 

You felt raw panic seep into the spaces between your ribs, your chest filling with a constricting feeling of anxiety you couldn't shake off. Your heart picked up speed and the alcohol coursing through your veins didn’t help your judgement or memory at all, mind fogged over with the poison we dare call alcohol.  

You felt stupid, so utterly stupid. How could you forget Mr. Won and who his Godforsaken son was? 

You felt an anxiety attack riddling you, shifting your weight on your feet as you tried to bite back your uneven breathing. You just couldn’t see this man, especially in a situation where you were standing next to your husband-to-be. 

Taehyung wasn’t so invested in the conversation before him, mindlessly nodding along before he felt you physically freeze next to him, his glance to the side confirming your pale look, watching as your panicked eyes faltered to the floor and revealed... fear? 

He registered your odd shifting and your failed attempts at plastering a smile, confused if you knew this guy and if you did, why were you freaking out so much?

Were you in love with him or something? 

The thought minutely bugged him until he watched you turn straight up uncomfortable, horrified when Mr. Won called out his son’s name. 

“Kiseok-ah! Come here!” 

You stopped breathing when you heard the name, eyes going wide as you avoided eye contact with anyone in the group, but caught Taehyung’s undivided attention. He grew curious when Kiseok sauntered over to the group, your hand on his chest suddenly squeezing his suit as the mysterious man greeted everyone respectfully.

Taehyung watched as his intrigued eyes locked on you, eyebrows perking up amusedly as his lips curved into a smile Taehyung honestly couldn’t admit to liking. 

“Y/N? Wow, long time no see. It’s been what, a year?” The man Kiseok called out happily, like there was absolutely no problem occurring here but as Taehyung felt your hand clutch onto his suit, lips just about quivering before you forced a smile, he knew there was most certainly a problem. 

“Yeah.” Your voice was weak, small, and Taehyung found himself wondering how a courageous person like you was all of a sudden cowering. 

He’d heard it all night, all the accounts of your other life away from the business world. He wasn’t going to lie, he heard a multitude of opinions concerning you, many of which including either looking down on you or telling Taehyung there’s many other, more powerful women in business he could’ve been marrying instead. 

But Taehyung didn’t care for their opinions, he found you the most powerful woman he could ever marry, and agreed to do so because of that very prospect. Sure, you were estranged from the business scene and practically abandoned any role you’d play in your father’s company in order to pursue your own personal aspirations, but if anything, Taehyung found it highly commendable. 

Taehyung knew it took guts to do what you did, a bold and daring act that no other heir or future heir of a wealthy company could ever think of doing, including himself. 

What he found to appreciate most was your unwillingness to give in, where you had to have heard all the back-handed and snobby comments, yet you still held your head up high, remained rooted and adamant in keeping your current way of life. It instantly signaled to him you were courageous, fearless, unable to be stopped in your tracks.

So when he watched you become smaller and smaller the more you stood in the vicinity of this Kiseok, he knew something was sincerely wrong. 

“Ah yes, it’s been quite some time. Why don’t we step away from you three? You could do some catching up.” Your father urged as he motioned Mr. Won to step away with him. You lightly addressed them only to have your hands neglect Taehyung entirely and start fidgeting, attempting to calm your nerves as the alcohol inebriated your system and magnified your anxiety by tenfold. 

“Ah, yes, Kim Taehyung, CEO of Kim Enterprises. I’ve been meaning to meet you.” Kiseok extended his hand as his voice irked you with every syllable, trying your best to seem like absolutely nothing was wrong. 

Taehyung reached out his hand in response uneagerly, giving a small shake while wondering why you let him go. “That’s news to me, nice to meet you.” Taehyung responded, already feeling an intense aura of discomfort and tension between you both, sensing he was missing out on something that seemed 6 ft deep. 

“Likewise. Y/N..” Kiseok suddenly turned towards you, making you wince. You painted on your smile as you lifted your vision. “Kiseok.” 

“How’ve you been?” 

“Better than ever. You?” 

“Marvelous, just wondering what your life’s looked like since I haven’t been in it.”

“I believe I said better than ever, didn’t I?”

Kiseok scoffed unamused, “So a year, huh? In all that time you suddenly found yourself a fiancé, and Kim Taehyung at that?” Kiseok seemed to be making light-hearted conversation to anyone outside of your group, though you knew deep down the hostility behind his words.

“Yeah, I did. It just happened.” You shrugged, gaining the confidence to counter him. “And you? Plan on putting a ring on any of your girls? Maybe the 5th or 7th one you liked?” You sarcastically questioned, furrowing your brows in mock contemplation. 

“No, you know I’ve always had my eye on one girl when it came to marriage.” Kiseok eyed you knowingly, purposefully, like he was trying to make it obvious.

You snorted and glared at him, “If I remember correctly, your attitude said otherwise.” hatred began boiling under your skin. You felt yourself growing angrier by the second, memories between you two coming back in flashes. You didn’t even realize you were shaking until Taehyung’s hand suddenly entangled with yours, pulling you towards him almost defensively. 

You were surprised, looking at your connected hands and back up at Taehyung. He returned your look, peering down at you as he smiled warmly, affectionately. 

“I’m sorry, Kisook? Was it? My future wife and I have plans for tonight. May you excuse us?” Taehyung didn’t even let Kiseok respond before he was pulling you away, in complete shock at his first lack of manners you’d ever seen. You were only left to watch Taehyung as he lead you along, gaining the timely opportunity to realize he was taller than Kiseok, and in fact significantly taller than you. 

Taehyung was a large man in general, you noticed. His shoulders looked broad from behind, accentuated by the fit of his suit which also emphasized the expanse of his chest, tastefully exposing his sculpted neck. His legs were long, proportioned perfectly in accordance with the rest of his model-like figure, which was ideally fit and contained just the right amount of muscle. 

Dear God, you took your time with this one. 

You didn’t even realize Taehyung had pulled you into a secluded hallway or that you were ogling him when he suddenly stopped, turning in your direction and snapping you out of a near fever dream. 

Yeah, alcohol was not a good idea tonight. 

“Who the fuck was that?” 

“What?”

“That douche, who was that?” Taehyung inquired slightly pissed, in need of the asshole’s identity after watching whatever shitshow he didn’t pay for. 

“Nobody, Taehyung, he shouldn’t concern you.” You looked away from him, pouting in a way that made Taehyung momentarily notice the plush of your lips. 

Again?, was all he could think, first, your mother, and now this guy? Just how many people did you have bad connections with and he needed to ignore? 

Why were there so many intricate pieces to you? 

“Are you kidding me? He concerns me now, your mother I can understand but this guy? Nothing to me. I could step on him.” Taehyung proclaimed confidently and stood up broader, conviction written all over his face.

You couldn’t help but giggle at his remark, resembling the thought you had earlier. “I was just thinking, you’re a lot taller than him.” 

Taehyung couldn’t help but bite back a smile, watching you giggle like a shy high schooler and his ears gladly welcomed the soft sound. “Damn straight I am.” He adjusted the jacket of his suit suavely. It was then he remembered what his other hand was doing; still holding yours. 

His eyes suddenly gleamed with mischief. 

He squeezed your hand a little tighter and yanked you towards him, bodies just centimeters apart as you crashed into him, all up in each other’s personal space.

Your eyes widened in complete surprise. 

 “So you were thinking about me, huh?” Taehyung teased with a stupidly lowered tone, a smug grin decorating his face. 

You ignored the electricity shooting through you, rolling your eyes and playfully sneering at him. “Shut up, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see you’re taller.” You forced space between you two and tried snatching your hand from him, but his grip transformed into an iron lock. 

“Says the one who was thinking about me.” 

“Taehyung, shut-” You almost huffed out but as soon as you stepped away, your copious consumption of alcohol suddenly attacked you all at once, vertigo making you lose your balance until Taehyung reached out to steady you. 

“Jheez, did you have to drink tonight?” Taehyung chastised you as you fell into him, head spinning with disorientation and growing flimsier by the second. “You’re probably a lightweight at your size.”

“I am not a lightweight. You don’t even know how much I drank, it was a lot.” You bit back in rebuttal, hooking onto his taut forearms as he supported you. 

“But I did see.” He voiced barely above a whisper, causing you to snap your vision up at him incredulously. “What?” 

“Nothing, it shouldn’t concern you.” Taehyung mocked, though still tried to fix you onto your own footing.  

You didn’t even get to scrutinize him further when you felt another round of dizziness plague you, balance faltering again. Taehyung huffed out and finally flanked you on his side, arm encasing your shoulders as he adjusted you. “Okay Miss I’m-Not-A-Lightweight, you should eat something.” He fit you beside him, beginning to walk you towards the main hall. 

Taehyung in this moment didn’t understand what he was doing, utterly clueless as to what was fueling his actions. He was uncertain why he found himself.. caring? He didn’t even know you, yet he couldn’t help but become a little concerned when he watched you down drinks like it was New Year’s Eve. 

How can all that alcohol fit into one tiny person?

What was he even thinking when he dragged you away from that Kisuk guy? Why did he feel like protecting you all of a sudden? A near sense of possessiveness? He wasn’t even your real husband. 

It started giving Taehyung a headache. This was all strange, a foreign concept he wasn’t familiar with and he didn’t know if it was the result of his considerate personality or only manifested solely because of you.

The same way Taehyung dealt with his inner turmoil, you dealt with yours; you were always so adamant on independence though ironically found yourself leaning on Taehyung.

Oddly, you let him carefully guide you back into the hall with no protests. 

It was the day of the wedding. 

You wish you could recall your emotions throughout the day, certain there would be at least a sliver of a positive one. Though as you remained unmoving, nearly catatonic, unresponsive to your surroundings, you knew there wouldn’t be a single happy memory in the tsunami of sorrow that attacked you today. 

Emotions of grief plagued consistently as you realized the loss of everything you valued most in your life. Your happiness, your freedom, your ability to choose. The stripping of all those bundled into an stifling wad in your chest that left you in a perpetual state of wanting to cry.

The sting in your heart when you realized your mother didn’t bother to come, the excruciating smile you forced onto your features when Taehyung’s mother delicately placed the veil atop your head, the secret tears you shed after adorning your body with a wedding dress you didn’t even choose; it all left you internalizing feelings of utter agony. 

And none of it was your real choice. 

Even the flowers at the wedding weren’t your favourite. 

This day was horrifying. You couldn’t believe you prided yourself on your independence, refusing to give in despite numerous challenges and never taking a word of what anyone said to you. Even when someone begged you to change or come back to your old life, you always chose for yourself. You never allowed someone to push you around, seldom coerced into anything solely based on the wishes of another. 

Yet here you were, standing just before the grand doors of a wedding you never asked for, having easily followed every word of your father’s and sacrificed your deepest principles in order to make him happy, to appease and live up to his expectations that weren’t your own. 

It was utterly frightening, appalling. As if you had lost the one true commendable feature of the intricate character you were, suddenly lost the acclamation of others even if they didn’t know the true nature of your marriage. 

But what disgusted you the most was truly, that you had lost respect for yourself. 

These grim thoughts were the ones that attached themselves to you as you hesitantly hooked your arm with your father’s. You used every ounce of strength to not flee, to remain here, to still walk down that isle with your head held high like you always have despite abandoning every foundation of the character you’d spent years working on.  

You didn’t care that your eyes watered, masking them with the facade of happy tears from the blushing bride. You didn’t care when your father looked incredibly concerned and wondered what was so wrong, you didn’t care how sorrowful you may have appeared to anyone at this ironically glamorous event. 

Though what you did care for was that you couldn’t hold your head up as you walked down the isle, vision fixated on the ground as your tears betrayed you, spilling out at the traumatizing feeling of not being able to stand tall like you always did, something stripping you of your self-reassurance, your strength, your confidence.  

It all spelled the requiem of your soul as you reached the end, dwelling in the impossibility this was happening to you until you felt the touch of Taehyung’s fingertips, guiding you up the stairs. It was then confirmed to you this was in fact real, part of your new reality you had no choice but to accept. 

You suddenly felt eternal gratitude for the veil that now covered your face, hiding the tears you cried at mourning the loss of everything you worked for.

While the priest’s words were read, you didn’t exchange a single look with Taehyung, knowing you’d only want to evaporate into the air, to run away at light speed or have someone in a turn-of-events suddenly take your life, just so you didn't have to face the humility of giving up the life you’d spent blood, sweat and tears building if you looked him in the eye. 

You felt the weight of your unknown future crushing you, pushing you towards the precipice as you gripped Taehyung’s hands harder to ground yourself. 

You were to rely on Taehyung, to share a bond with him you had never spent time cultivating, expected to live a life next to him while never being able to truly understand him, know him, love him. The natural process of falling in love now tainted with the coercion of a pressurized marriage, losing the opportunity to achieve any true sense of love. You’d never experience finding the one anymore, your soulmate, the other end of your red string of fate. 

That realization made your tears spill harder, disconnecting your hand from Taehyung’s to prevent your choked sobs becoming audible, holding your palm against your quivering lips. 

To anyone beyond you and Taehyung, it would look as though you were crying tears of happiness, joyously weeping at your matrimony with the love of your life, though as Taehyung felt the shaking of your hands, your refusal to meet his gaze as you reluctantly walked down the isle, the agonizing pain he could see through the sheer of your veil, he knew you were far from happy. 

He couldn’t help but purse his lips together tightly, knowing you were probably swallowing insurmountable torment down your throat because of this marriage, and tears pricked at his own eyes finding himself able to relate. 

He wasn’t just upset for you or himself, it was the entire situation, quite frankly the fucking world. The fact that the universe planned this as your destiny, his destiny, that the happiness of your parents and two companies came at the expense of both yours and his.

He knew you didn’t hate him, that he wasn’t the reason just as much as you weren’t the reason either, it was the arbitrary nature of the arrangement. That whatever version of true love and happily ever after you and Taehyung had separately dreamed of, it could never come to life. 

Even if the company meant everything to Taehyung, his CEO position more important than whatever position he’d play as some husband, seldom having time to consider love and relationships, he still harboured the same wants and desires any human would. A partner, a companion he truly loved with whom he’d start a family eventually, create a life for them and himself defined by love and comfort.

Though Taehyung only knew now you would both die with your decision-making capabilities robbed of you, bound to each other forcibly without the ardor of real love. 

Taehyung’s every thought was proven correct when the two of you exchanged your vows in near strangled chokes and shaky tones, appearing as happy emotions to the guests of the wedding though only you two knowledgeable of each other’s suffering. 

Your vision finally met Taehyung’s once you heard the rawness in his voice, your miserable emotions doubling when you registered he was just in the same pain as you. It was in that moment the priest’s words became audible and rang loud in both your ears, suddenly grounding you two to earth and reminding you of your reality. 

“You may kiss the bride.”

Both of your eyes grievously locked for a moment of horrified realization; that you were seconds away from going through with this, throwing each other’s lives away for the utilitarian benefit, abandoning any sense of choice in whom you both would spend a lifetime with.

Taehyung swallowed thickly as he removed your veil, feeling his eyes fill with tears again when he laid them upon your utterly devastated, tear-stained face. You were using every nerve in your body to stop yourself from sobbing and caving into the ominous thought of fleeing the ceremony.  

Taehyung’s sight wondered to your lips as they still quivered, nearly swollen red at the intensity in which you bit them, awaiting the kiss you were certain would be filled with frustration and hatred, hatred for the mud you were dragging him through, hatred for pressuring him into suddenly valuing something more than his work and his company, to suddenly become a husband to you. 

Though as he watched the terror flashing through your eyes, tears watering your lash line, he knew he could never feel anything so ardently negative towards you, remembering exactly what he was stripping you of. 

The life you built on your own, defying any and everyone’s expectations of yourself, cursing your heir status to hell, your strength, your independence. Now? Your life was bound to his, bound to one where you were obliged to sacrifice yourself for your father’s company and the upper class cesspool you’d spent so long trying to run away from. 

So as Taehyung began closing the gap between you two, nearing your shaking figure, he resolved he wouldn’t make this hard. He would try, try to accept that his life now entailed you, would try to work towards the balance his father insisted he needed, try to understand that you were now part of his priorities and could never simply ignore you.  

He glided his thumbs against the back of your hands that held his pacifyingly, leaning down until he was just inches from your lips as you squeezed your eyes shut. He unexpectedly spoke quietly, meaningfully, seconds away from sealing the deal of an uncertain future, though, remained certain of this one thing. 

“I’ll take care of you, Y/N, I promise.” And he kissed you in a single breath, no haste, no pressure, only the gentle touch of his lips as they met yours, soft and light. 

Maybe Taehyung didn’t know the exact feelings behind his promise, but he knew the meaning; that no matter the arrangement, the non-existent feelings, the loss of choice, he would at least take care of you like any husband would, a good husband.  

He at least owed you that.  

You were left shocked at the nature of his kiss, Taehyung’s warm lips connecting with yours tenderly. You were convinced the tears you saw in his eyes were enough to assert he hated this, frustrated he had to sell his soul, wishing to only rush the kiss so he could call it a day and ignore you for the rest of his life. 

Though what you never expected was the promise he made, or the way he kissed you with such intimacy you found yourself melting into his touch, reciprocating. He kissed you like you were fragile, locking your lips in a way that solidified his promise, as if out of all the empty vows you spoke today, this was the one, true vow he would keep. His lips felt plush against yours, catching his mouth just a little more before the bittersweet disconnection. 

You and Taehyung exchanged a poignant look, small smiles decorating both your faces with a mutual understanding swimming in your eyes as you gripped each other’s hands. You let his promise permeate the air between you two, finding solace in his words as the applause of everyone attending the ceremony filled the hall.   

Maybe it was the warm way Taehyung always pressed his hand to the small of your back when you spoke to others the whole night, maybe the way he veered you away from excessive amounts of alcohol with a light-hearted scolding considering that last time you drank, or maybe even the way he gently held you during your first dance..

Maybe it was all these considerate, kinds act that made you view Taehyung in a less negative light and rather a favourable one, that maybe he wouldn’t be the asshole CEO you’d first accused him of being.  

You would also be an idiot to not mention how completely and utterly handsome he was, looks carved by the Greeks themselves, quite possibly the hottest, most attractive man you’ve ever had the pleasure of laying eyes on. 

And maybe all that accumulated into your assured opinion that when it came to consummating your marriage with Taehyung, you’d have no qualms or worries whatsoever. You would be absolutely willing, ready to take the night on and maybe even have some fun for yourself with whom you could tell was a really, really nice guy.

Though as Taehyung walked calmly in front of you towards your hotel suite, reaching into his suit pocket for the card key he’d retrieved at the front desk to swipe against the lock, your chest clogged with a crushing feeling of anxiety you couldn’t subdue. 

These weren’t the same nerves of maybe being not pretty enough, body insecurities or fear of what to expect from Taehyung, no, these nerves came from the utter panic of having to experience sex with another man.

Especially since your last partner. 

It always started with your permission, that wasn’t the issue, Though what left you afraid, so utterly frightened with the thought of spending a night with a man like this came from the treatment you received from that partner. 

Safe to say, you weren’t treated kindly. Far from that, actually, you were treated as though you had no needs or were a means of simple use. Your last partner was the opposite of giving, he was selfish, self-absorbed and only concerned himself with his own pleasure, going on and on only until he was satisfied and neglected you in every sense of the word, sometimes even refusing to listen to you if you protested. 

To make matters worse, he wasn’t faithful. 

You knew he slept around, a lot, it was the number one reason you never agreed to actually date him, never make things official. 

But the reason you would end up sleeping with him was because of the most perfectly imperfect concept among the human race; love. You believed every time with him was a new chance to make that love real, that it was the genuine manifestation of your feelings for one another, thinking maybe he wasn’t the asshole he always portrayed himself as and could man up enough to love you unconditionally. 

And he completely reeled you in, made you fall in love too quickly and made you believe he was capable of love. This grew exponentially when you were often described as ‘the different one’, the one he always came back to, that you were special. You clung onto those words as much as you could, convinced each time you were in fact the one for him, that maybe one day, he’d wake up and abandon his fuckboy lifestyle and mature.

But everyday that went by, every promise that was never fulfilled, every word that wasn’t met with an action, and especially after every hook up that resulted in nothing new, you began to understand you were everyone’s favourite role in a Shakespearean play. 

The fool. 

You were a joke to believe anything he said, the most naive person on earth to think you were any different from the others, when every night simply ended in rough fucks, virtually no orgasm and miniscule aftercare.

It left you essentially scarred, traumatized that every man in the world was built like this. It didn’t help that whenever you look back, many of your ex partners were of the same cut, the same trope of assholes that don’t seem as bad but end up being exactly so. 

It was what made you swallow thickly as Taehyung opened the door to the suite, holding it open as he moved aside to let you enter first. You walked forward and unintentionally brushed against him, realizing how much smaller you were in comparison to him all over again. 

He towered over you, and it made you more nervous. 

You looked up at him momentarily and quietly thanked him as you stepped inside, setting your sights on the large, king sized bed situated on one side of the room, a lounging area with couches to the other side which lead to a bathroom. Seoul’s breathtaking skyline was visible in the dark of the night through wall-to-ceiling windows opposite to you, covered by flowy, sheer curtains. 

You took a deep breath, trying to remind yourself Taehyung was not the same. Not all men are the same, you can’t inflict the mistakes and wrongdoings of one man onto another, categorize them into one kind. You wanted to think this way, and you knew it was the humane way to think. 

But as the memories of those heart-aching nights filled your head, the empty words, the lack of care or concern, the neglect, the feelings of pure abandonment and use only caused your heart to beat profusely in your chest, clutching onto the neckline of your dress to breathe. 

What if Taehyung really was no different?

It then suddenly hit you you didn’t know him. All you knew of Taehyung was that he was a fiercely successful business man, sitting atop Seoul’s most prestigious with Godly looks and a stare that could kill a man. You remembered your initial feelings about him; his stare in fact intimidated you, quite frankly all of him intimidated you, he was the epitome of perfection and you were far from that very notion. It left you thinking you didn’t measure up, and that he could view you in a dissimilar light than you viewed him; an unfavorable one. 

He could simply not want you, but is forced to.  

You’d observed his kind behavior and actions over the odd two days you met him, though that was exactly the inculpatory factor; you had only met him twice. You didn’t know what he would be like alone, when it was just the two of you, when there weren’t eyes scrutinizing him and cameras snapping shots of his every move. 

You didn’t know how he would be like in the bedroom, either. 

Your mind raced as you conflicted with yourself, trying to understand that Taehyung could be different, though apprehensive with the miniscule knowledge you actually had of him. 

You discerned after that last asshole of a partner you needed the love and care of a real partner, someone who would tend to your needs, adore you in the midst of their actions, be a giver and not just a receiver.  

And you didn’t know if Taehyung would be that partner. 

“Y/N...” Taehyung called out to you rather softly as he removed his suit jacket, the rustling of the cloth signaling he had indeed done so. His footsteps were hard to miss, the soles of his shoes sounding against the hardwood floor as he neared your lonesome figure standing in the middle of the room. 

Your breathing quickened with nearly every step he took, attempting to resolve the civil war you were battling within. You were trying to convince yourself Taehyung would be a nice man, a nice husband; though couldn’t help but feel deflated by the fact it was all mainly coerced out of him.

Your thoughts overwhelmed you as Taehyung finally stood behind you, mere inches from your back as he watched you from behind, unbeknownst of any feelings or thoughts currently riddling you.

He hesitated, though gently placed his hand against your bare arm, the sudden warmth of his hand against your skin causing you to flinch. He peered down at your smaller self squarely focusing in front of you, anticipating your response. He grew slightly soft when you tentatively looked over your shoulders, clearly teary-eyed. 

Taehyung couldn’t miss how scared you seemed, and he his heart inexplicably stung at the thought you were afraid of him. 

“We don’t have to do this.” Taehyung’s voice was low and resembled warm honey, reverberating in a way that made you ease up. 

You worked towards a stable voice. “W-we don’t?” 

“No, we don’t” His voice held no disappointment, only the intention of seemingly wanting to assure you, firm and oddly comforting. 

“I’m sorry, Taehyung. I’m really sorry.” It was hard to keep your tone leveled, clutching your hand over your mouth as you swallowed your emotions. 

“Don’t be sorry, there’s nothing for you to apologize for.” 

You strangely felt the desire to hold his hand that rested against you, though you ignored the urge and simply stepped out of his touch, clutching your chest tightly in an effort to cower away from him. But it was here you suddenly remembered that he kissed you, and the way he did so. 

It made your cheeks fill with a rosy blush. 

“Do you mean that?” You’d finally turned to meet his eyes, his face only visible by the moonlight illuminating the room. He seemed to have retracted his hand and stood with both tucked in his pockets, relaxed. 

This became the first time you noticed just how ravishing he looked tonight. 

His dark hair was slicked back loosely and left enough pieces to fall as a comma, graciously exposing his forehead, his Tom Ford suit attractively hugged his model-like body, watch and accessories accentuating his expensive look. 

His features were casted over by soft lighting, somehow adding to his beauty as the glow made him appear... less intimidating, dare you say warm or inviting. 

His expression was funnily enough, one that you could actually read. He held no contempt, no impatience or anger, only a hint of consideration as his calm eyes looked at you. His face may have been predominantly blank, void of a smile, though certainty held a form of reassurance.  

“Of course I do, why would I do anything with an unwilling person?”

You scoffed lightly, “Not a lot of people would say that.” Your eyes faltered from Taehyung’s and clutched yourself tighter, expression completely telling of trauma.

Taehyung instantly picked up on it, eyebrows slightly furrowing at your words though softening once registering their weight. He felt an overwhelming sense of apology take him, thinking of his next sentence before his mind oddly flashed back to the night of the engagement party.

“Y/N, did Kiseok..?” Taehyung trailed hesitantly. 

You winced at his line of thinking, “No, no...not what you’re thinking,” you immediately denied. “Just, shitty experiences.”

“Shitty, as in...?”

“As in only seeking self-satisfaction, neglect, lies, infidelity. Can we go to sleep?” You deflected with a heavy sigh and a hand at your temple, the day’s events catching up to you.

Taehyung nodded in agreement, “Yeah, sleep. We both need that.” His eyes then landed on the bed, registering even if it were large enough you two could sleep apart, he still opted for caution. 

“Um.. you can take the bed, by the way. I’ll sleep on the couch-”

“No, don’t do that.” You replied quickly. “I can’t sleep on a king-sized bed all by myself, it’s huge.” You side-eyed the massive mattress and laughed a little, lightening the heavy aura casted over the room. 

“Are you sure? I don’t want you to be uncomf-”

“Don’t worry, Taehyung. You don’t make me feel uncomfortable.” You smiled at him lightly and received a small one from him, both your eyes mirroring the same sense of understanding you exchanged at the altar. 

“I’ll let you wash up first, your overnight bag should be in the bathroom closet.” Taehyung informed, pointing towards the direction of your things. 

“Thank you.” You voiced with an amount of warmth that made Taehyung want to genuinely smile, though crushed the weird urge and nodded agreeably instead.

You began walking away from him until a nuisance suddenly occurred to you, cursing yourself as you came to a full stop. “Um, Taehyung.. I forgot but could you..?” You angled your back towards him to call out to the ribbons tying the back of your dress, knowing you would’ve taken 20 years just to untie your bodice yourself. 

The fact that you weren’t looking directly at Taehyung made him feel relieved, glad he wouldn’t embarrass himself with the his eyes slightly widened. He was quick to reprimand himself, it’s just a woman’s dress, why the hell are you shocked? 

Taehyung swallowed dryly before replying, “Uh, yeah I’ll--I’ll do that.” He walked towards you sparingly and positioned himself behind you.

He’d noticed it before, but you were relatively small compared to him in size and it continued to poke at his brain, maybe even momentarily think it was cute. 

Cute? When have I ever found a girl cute?

Taehyung exhaled before his hands carefully made for the silk ribbons, his tentative fingers fiddling with the ties until he eventually began loosening each one. He started unlooping your bodice, breathing out considerably when each loop began exposing your back inch by inch.  

Taehyung’s sweet, hot breath fanned your skin, tensing each time as your every nerve went haywire feeling just how close he was. His slender fingers brushed against your bare skin here and there, making heat collect in your face.

You grew even hotter when your kiss with him suddenly crept back into your mind, unknowing of the reason why excitement and electricity shot throughout your body because of it. The way his soft, full lips met yours, mouthed at you tastefully repeated in your head, making you extremely nervous at how much a measly kiss from him was occupying your mind; it was just a kiss. 

Taehyung found himself tensing by the intimacy of the moment, remembering the way he so boldly kissed you. He found that he liked the plush of your lips, the way he had to bend down to your smaller height to lock lips; and it made him feel strange. 

How the hell was he taking interest in something other than his work? No, this isn’t interest, Taehyung thought, and would spend however long denying it. 

He’d finished the task throughout all his thinking, unrealizing of how proximal he was to you. He oddly hated that the moment was over, coming back down to Earth.

“There you go.” He cleared his voice and stepped away from you. 

You held your bodice up against your chest, realizing Taehyung had a full-access view of your back and you grew 10x hotter. You gulped at the thought before hastily turning around to thank him, quickly disappearing into the bathroom for a moment of reprieve. 

You shut the door and instantly breathed out a breath you didn’t remember holding, looking at your hot mess of a face in the mirror trying to cool down, reliving the last 10 minutes of what just happened. 

You took a deep breath. 

Maybe Taehyung is different after all. 

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[notchesandbullets]

Take it From Your Hot Neighbor Baby (Virgin!Sub!Midoriya x Reader)

Art credit: Heijiu Comics

Requested by anon: OMGGGGGG I love your writing, I was thinking If I can make a request on a smut with my baby Izuku Midoriya. Where he's so beautiful and innocent and the older neighbor next door from him likes him and basically targets him for sex which is the reader of course, and he likes her too. So then she totally doms him and invites him to her house and basically go at it as Izuku's innocent's self can't handle the pleasure the reader gives him!If you could do that I love your writing, If not it's cool!!!

Warnings: slight dumbification, precious bby izuku is 19, everything that happens here is consensual, unprotected sex, pet names, overstimulation, virgin!sub!izuku (mainly), Aged up!AU, filthy smut, dirty talk, cursing.

18+

A/N: Thank you for the request, I hope you like it!! i loved writing this :D (feel free to send me another to write, i’m already almost done with what i suspect is your other one xD)

Words: 4k

You grinned as the shared wall between you and your neighbor shook, signaling that the boy from next door was finally home. 

Midoriya Izuku, a passionate and utterly clueless broccoli-haired boy turned fresh pro-hero, sweet and sensitive, everything you ever wanted in a partner. That, and he was clearly too shy to approach you.

You had been neighbors with him and his mom for forever but only until recently, after his admission into UA did you start to see him in another light besides platonic. And it wasn’t until he graduated that he had completely dominated your interest in another way entirely.

It was no secret that he used to be a scrawny kid but since his high school days, he had bulked up considerably. 

Now, with the body of a tank and a soul bursting with positivity, you were completely hooked.

It really was astonishing to you how he continued to maintain that innocent personality after becoming a pro-hero. No one was that optimistic and oblivious all at the same time. 

You had started out with smaller hints, bringing him food once a week to make sure he was eating properly, taking care of him when he was sick or injured and just too stubborn to admit it and go to the hospital, you name it and you’ve done it.

What was extremely exciting at first to be interacting with him like this dulled the moment you realized this baby was so innocent that all your signals were completely going over his head.

The dumb baby. Your dumb baby.

He was fast approaching 20 but you were willing to bet he hadn’t even gotten laid yet. With the way he walked, it was as if he was still the same kid you had met ten years ago.

Your parents had long since moved out of the apartment, going closer to where your grandparents were since they were getting older and needed to be taken care of. You had politely declined their invitation to go with, asking if you could take over the lease on the place since they would no longer be living here.

As their only child, they had a soft spot for you and let you do as you pleased now that you were old enough to be living on your own. They even helped you out with the rent even though that was entirely unnecessary. 

Your day job paid enough.

An upbeat tune floated throughout your apartment and you danced along to the music in nothing but a thin cami and a pair of scarlet lace panties. Since it was so hot today, you had decided to forgo actual clothes. It was perfect, but you were definitely still sweating. 

Tapping a finger to your chin thoughtfully, you recalled how your adorable and hot neighbor’s mom was out working all day and wouldn’t be back until late. Plus, you knew that he had no hero work today, courtesy of the boy telling you himself via text when you checked up on him earlier this week.

Pulling an oversized t-shirt over your head so that it brushed just below your thong clad ass and fell off of your shoulders, you fluffed your hair, giggling to yourself at your reflection in the mirror. 

Today was the day you would make Midoriya yours. 

Grabbing a few cookies from the kitchen that you had made just last night because you felt like it at that moment, you flung open your front door, knocking on his a second later. 

Hopping in place excitedly, you couldn’t contain your enthusiasm. You hadn’t even bothered to message him that you were coming over, knowing that he would prefer it be a surprise. 

“Izuku!!” You cheered when the door opened, immediately thrusting the plate of cookies out towards him. 

He staggered a couple steps back, unprepared for your sudden attack but rubbed the back of his head with a sheepish smile, emerald eyes shining with gratitude.

Midoriya bowed gratefully. “Thank you, Y/N!!” 

It had taken literally years before he was comfortable calling you by your first name without any honorific attached to the end of it. But it was worth the wait as warmth sparked through your heart and a soft smile adorned your features before it was replaced with a mischievous one.

Bounding up to him, you pressed your chest against his purposefully, making it so that you almost lost your balance. You gasped in mock surprise when he instinctively wrapped his arms around your waist to catch you, relishing in how strong his arms felt around you.

Midoriya stuttered as your boobs were practically smushed against his face by how close you were to him. Were they always that big?!

It wasn’t like he masturbated to you everyday or anything. Definitely not.

He groaned, throwing his head back as your body heat encompassed him. 

Who was he kidding, he jerked off to you every spare second he got. He couldn’t help it though. Your beautiful smile always beckoning him over, those alluring eyes of yours enticing him closer and closer until he felt as though he could combust merely by standing in your presence alone.

Giggling, your teeth sank down into your bottom lip and you batted your eyes at him. A shudder ran down his spine and you bit back a smile at the blush that sat on his freckled cheeks.

“Do you want to come over for a little while?” You asked softly, feigning shyness and you rubbed your thighs together. “I have something I want to show you.”

The action didn’t go unnoticed and Midoriya’s mouth dried as the swell of your breasts peeked up over the low scoop of your shirt when he glanced down. 

“Uh, y-yes?” He uttered, voice shaking with uncertainty as he automatically agreed to what you had asked him without even thinking about it.

You giggled, eyes lighting up in excitement. “Great!!”

He stumbled after you as you dragged him next door to your apartment, losing his balance and falling on the couch as you pushed him inside. 

Your eyes shifted from playful to concern as he landed on his back with an ‘oomph’.

You were quick to cup his face, examining him closely. “Oh no, Izuku, are you alright?” 

“Y-Y/N!!!” He stammered out, face bright red at your proximity.

“Are you alright?” You repeated, uncharacteristically serious and seeing as how you were asking him more than one question, he nodded to both. 

You chuckled, leaning in close. His cheeks burned at your proximity and although you wanted so badly to tease him, you needed to get something straight first.

“You ever been fucked before, baby?” You cooed sweetly and a visible shiver shot down his spine.

He gaped for a moment, not used to you saying something so brazenly but shook his head wordlessly. 

You smiled, your tone taking on a gentle lilt as you sensed his nervousness. “Want me to be your first?”

This time he didn’t hesitate. 

“Yes.” He whispered, barely breathing as he finally confessed what he had been longing for ever since he turned of age. “Want you so bad.”

You didn’t outwardly show it, but your heart skipped a beat at his admission and the butterflies fluttered uncontrollably.

“Yeah?” You bit your lip to contain the wide smile. “Something tells me that you want to be played with, am I right?”

A whine bubbled past his lips and your smile turned wicked. Oh, you were going to have so much fun with him. You wondered how he would look when you played with his nipples, which you sure would be so sensitive it would have him hard in a heartbeat, or how he looked writhing under you when he was about to cum. 

Anticipation thrummed through your veins and you couldn’t believe that after all this time, you finally had the opportunity to give him that kind of pleasure. 

“Such a good boy.” You crooned softly and he audibly keened, stretching towards you desperately as you denied him a kiss. “What’s your safeword, baby?”

Midoriya’s head was spinning and his brain was short-circuiting from how unbelievably close you were to him. The sweet smell of your perfume flooded his senses and he swallowed thickly, very much aware of how little clothes you were wearing. You had yet to touch him and he was already a goner.

“S-Safeword?” He stammered out, his eyes shutting automatically as you threaded your fingers through his hair, a small moan breaking through the weighted silence as you scratched his scalp. 

You observed his every move, every flutter of his lashes as he fell under your spell without even trying to succumb. 

“Mmhm…” You hummed. “A word that you can use at any time and I’ll stop everything.”

A safeword was for both parties but you were fairly sure that you wouldn’t need it, being more experienced than him and aware of your boundaries. But just in case, you whispered that little tidbit of information in his ear so that he wasn’t left out of the loop.

“What if…” Midoriya gulped, restraining himself to keep his hands at his sides no matter how desperately he wanted to kiss you. He wanted to know if they were as soft as they looked. “C-Can’t I just tell you to stop?”

You frowned a tiny bit, not put off by his question but rather how fucked out he looked already. The poor boy was already straining in his pants, the bulge making your mouth water but you kept your head on straight. 

“You can.” You agreed. “If that’s what you want, we can do that.”

He glanced away from you, thinking hard. He wasn’t all innocent. He had watched porn before when dared to by Bakugou after one of the class movie nights at Heights Alliance back when they were at UA, and he was embarrassed how quickly he got attached to the videos that had bondage and overstimulation.

It always looked so enticing. He wanted to know what it felt like to be pinned down and overpowered until pleasure rode on every one of his senses. 

He wanted you to do that to him. 

“W-What about if I just used your name?”

Midoriya cringed as soon as he suggested it and took it back faster than you could react, another idea tumbling out of his mouth in a split second. 

“Black?” He whispered, avoiding eye contact with you. 

Baby boy blinked so nervously, worried you might refuse or reject him for any reason and you took his chin in between your thumb and forefinger, drawing his face close to yours. 

“Alright baby, that’s perfect.” You reassured softly. “Either one of us can use it and then everything stops, okay?”

He nodded, getting more excited as your breath fanned across his lips. 

“Need to hear you say it.” You demanded quietly. 

His green curly hair bounced as he nodded vigorously. “I understand!!”

Midoriya stiffened for a moment in surprise as you finally pressed your lips against his, sealing his first kiss and he swore his heart stopped beating. Then, he melted into putty as you moved your lips skillfully against his, coaxing him to return it with as much lust and passion as you were igniting within him.

You pulled away to lean in close to his ear, trailing a finger up and down his chest playfully.

“Let me take care of you, Izuku~” You cooed, slyly licking the shell of his ear, savoring in the shiver that shot down his spine as a result of your ministrations.

You continued down, planting hot and wet open-mouthed kisses along his jaw as he whined and wriggled beneath you. Trailing down his neck to his collar bones and then his bare chest as you ripped open his shirt in one swift movement, you pinned his wrists above his head.

A protest ripped from his throat at your display of dominance.

“Y-Y/N!! I wanted to—”

“To what?” You questioned smugly.

Midoriya whimpered pathetically and you smirked. 

He blushed, looking away. The boy was built like a bull but was an absolutely softie, innocent pure little bean at heart. He didn’t have what it took to take over. 

“You wanted to touch me?” You asked, laving your tongue around one of his sensitive nipples. “You wanted to be on top?”

His face scrunched up at the strange sensation, biting the inside of his cheek to keep from crying out as you bit down on the tender flesh.

You licked your lips seductively, making a show of your tongue grazing over your teeth as you gazed down at him through hooded eyes. “Do you think you deserve to touch me after being such a bad boy?”

You heard him every night. The walls were thin in the cheap apartment complex you lived in. Too thin. 

“Don’t touch me until I say so.” You ordered.

You heard every wanton moan that bubbled past his pouty lips, such pretty little sounds that you wanted to hear all for yourself. You were jealous of the others in the vicinity that can undoubtedly hear him as well. The only thing that settled your heart at ease was the luscious cries of your name falling from his lips. 

And now, all your neighbors would know just who he belonged to.

Midoriya gulped nervously and you reveled in the adrenaline pumping through your veins at being in control and dominating him. Your shirt rode up as you straddled his hips, and he wriggled beneath you, wanting nothing more than to touch you.

You trailed a finger from his chest all the way to his navel, teasing the waistband of his pants. He whined as you wiggled your ass down to sit comfortably on top of his thighs. Deftly unbuttoning his jeans, your eyes flickered back up to him.

“Oh my, these look so uncomfortable.” You mock pouted, sneakily biting the zipper of his fly and pulling it down. “Do you want me to take them off for you?”

You grinned as he involuntarily bucked his hips up into your feather-light touch, tears collecting at the corner of his eyes in frustration. Slowly pulling down his pants and boxers together, your eyes bugged out as you saw what he was packing.

“Oh…” You mused. “I wasn’t expecting this.”

If you thought he was big, you were dead wrong. This boy was hung as a horse. Well endowed to the max, he was easily packing eight inches and you couldn’t even fit your hands all away around his thick girth. 

You stroked him as best as you could but judging by that guttural groan that erupted from his mouth, you’d say you were doing a pretty good job. 

“Please!!” Midoriya begged, practically sobbing as you teased him and it was like music to your ears. “Please, Y/N, make me feel good!!”

“Yeah,” You whispered, suckling on the vein that ran on the underside of his stiff member. “You want me to make you cum, baby?”

“Yes, please!!” He cried, fisting the fabric of the sofa, remembering your rule not to touch you yet. 

But it was killing him.

The foreplay had made you wet enough to take him and you weren’t keen on waiting another second longer.

Positioning yourself over his leaking head, the tip of his engorged shaft rubbed against your puffy folds as you pushed your thong to the side.

Midoriya’s eyes bulged out of his head as he saw the red lace and he couldn’t stop his hands from shooting to your waist as you threw your shirt up over your head, leaving you in that thin cami that left nothing to the imagination. 

“F-Fuck—” You cursed as you sank down on him, thighs trembling from the effort of taking him. “Izuku, baby, you’re so big.”

He was rock hard and pressing against your inner walls just right. It had been so long since someone had filled you up like this and now that you had him, no one even came close to any of those prior. 

Midoriya was huffing, moaning uncontrollably as the rush of pleasure he got by being encased in your tight heat so quickly. His hands gripped your hips, kneading the flesh of your ass as he started to rock you back and forth in his lap.

You completely ignored the fact that he disobeyed your order. 

“Dumb baby,” You cooed softly. “Does that pussy feel good around your cock? Huh? Tell me.”

“Yes— hhgh, I love it so much, Y/N, you feel so tight, ahh!!” He mewled, unable to think of anything else except how good your cunny felt fluttering around him.

His face was beautifully flushed, unable to tear his gaze off of where his cock had disappeared into you. The sticky wetness smeared against his hip bones made your arousal evident and he was impossibly turned on at the vision in front of him.

You threw your head back as he took over control, gyrating your hips for you before you were even adjusted to his massive length. A breathy moan tumbled out of your lips as his fingers knotted their way into your hair, yanking it back so that your hips canted into him with every thrust. 

“I-Izuku!!” You moaned loudly as he roughly and sporadically pounded into you. 

You squealed as he pulled you down to his chest to get a better angle, all the breath vanishing from your lungs as he planted his heels and fucked up into you so fast that you would’ve fallen off from the force if he wasn’t holding onto you with an iron grip.

“Sorry, Y/N!!” He broke off with a whine and burrowed his face into your neck as you clenched around him, his hips stuttering. “But I’m about to—”

You shrieked as he released inside of you, painting your walls with his thick, milky white cum. Chest heaving, you pushed him down and straightened up, clicking your tongue.

“Such a selfish baby.” You crooned, controlling your breathing enough to put up a confident front. “I didn’t even get to cum yet.”

His eyes widened in horror at not satisfying you first. “Oh, Y/N, I’m so sorry, I didn’t— Gah!!”

His earnest apology was interrupted  as you began bouncing on him again, keen on reaching your high. His spent length twitched inside of you and he whimpered, eyes screwed shut at the pain.

“Y/N!! It… It hurts!!” Midoriya whimpered pitifully, his eyes screwed shut at the overstimulation.

“Aw,” Your smile was sadistic and you threw your ass back into his lap intentionally, causing him to throb within you. “Does it?”

“Yes!!” He cried out. “Fuck, please stop!!”

You pouted sadly, gyrating your hips faster. “But I haven’t even cum yet.”

It was too much. Your words spun with those sinful rocks of your hips was making a lethal mix of pain and pleasure shoot through his system and he whined, pawing at your hips. 

“Y/N, please!!” He begged, unsure what he was begging for at this point. 

It didn’t take long for him to get hard again. You weren’t sure if his short refractory period was a side effect of his power or the fact that he had just lost his virginity to you and wanted you again, but you were definitely going to oblige him either way.

Midoriya arched into your scalding touch as you leaned down to kiss him once again. Your soft lips and the hot cavern of your mouth distracted him as your tongues danced together and he almost forgot about the fact that he was balls-deep inside of you. 

Until you started to move again. 

His cry was muffled as you licked it out of his mouth before pulling away.

Your grin widened and you rocked your hips back and forth at a mind-blowing pace, reducing the blubbering boy beneath you into a whimpering mess.

But your confident façade soon vanished as his hands found purchase on your hips and bucked up wildly. 

The grin slipped off your face and you whimpered, fingers splaying on his bare chest for balance as he went wild, fucking up into you with abandon. 

You could do nothing else other than hold on and pray you wouldn't fall off of him as he took over.

Biting your lip, you desperately tried to regain control. “Izuku—” 

He gritted his teeth, ignoring you and your eyes widened as green lightning started to surround his body. 

Your eyes widened. “Wait—!”

He didn't. 

Your head tipped back and the loudest scream you've ever produced ripped from your throat as he used One for All to completely destroy your pussy. But to your disbelief, he didn’t stop, he didn’t even slow down when you contracted around him.

His hips slammed up into yours at a breaknecking speed and tears blurred your vision as you cried out, sobbing with pleasure as he finally made you cum.

“Y/N, you’re milking my cock so much!!” Midoriya blurted out with a raspy moan as another orgasm spiraled to you and you shrieked, this one hitting harder than the last.  

At some point, you blacked out.

When you came to, Midoriya was hovering over you worriedly, his green eyes glistening with concern as he called your name over and over again.

Sitting up with a groan, you realized that he had laid you down on the couch and covered you with a blanket.

“Y/N?” The boy asked, brushing the hair out of your eyes as he sat down by your side.

You offered him a smile, every bone in your body protesting as you sat up. Midoriya was helping you in a second, ignoring your feeble protests that you could do it yourself. 

The next minute, he played with his fingers awkwardly. 

“Was… Was it good for you?” He asked timidly, blinking his big eyes up at you. 

You cracked a smile at how earnest he was. Cutie. 

“Of course it was.” You murmured, planting a soft kiss on his forehead before staring straight into his eyes. “You know this means you're mine, right?”

Midoriya blinked his doe eyes, mouth parting slightly. “Eh?!”

You smirked. “Yup.”

“Really?!?!” He asked excitedly, leaning forward to stick his face close to yours and you giggled. 

Adorable. Simply adorable.

“Yeah, baby.” You whispered, cupping his face and pecking his freckled cheek. He was so sweet. So pure. 

You couldn’t wait to defile him more. Wait until he was exposed to the world of BDSM.

Licking your lips slyly, you smirked. “You’re all mine.”

Taglist: @katsukis-sad-angel​