#mustard yellow paper

[oneowlartist]

[fuckingrecipes]

Do you have advice on the art of sandwiches? I feel like i my best sandwich at home is still leagues below the worst sandwich ive bought at a restaurant

Since sandwiches are infinitely variable, I'm going to assume you're trying to make my favorite sandwich: the Turkey Club, sandwich style not sub style.

Your goal is to MAXIMIZE FLAVOR.

Thicker bread. Standard slice size for bread isn't going to cut it, here. You want thick-slice bread.

Sourdough, or French Bread not 'White' bread. You want it chewy, with a thicker crust. Hearty.

Extra-Heavy Mayo. Restaurants do not use standard mayo from the grocery. Extra-heavy mayo has a higher ratio of egg yolks, giving it a richer flavor and thicker consistency for both spreading and using in tuna or egg salad. It's also more of a warm ivory color, rather than 'white.'

Instead of yellow deli mustard, try a ground-whole-seed mustard. It has a spicier, richer profile, and a little more vinegar.

Be generous with condiments. You're making a good sandwich, not cutting calories.

SEASON your sandwich. Dust the vegetables - salt and pepper goes a long way! Dried oregano, onion powder, garlic powder are also champs. My fave is to take a spicy blend (like a fajita seasoning blend) and sprinkle generously over the mayo before adding other stuff.

Lettuce CRUNCH is important. Include the pale crispy parts in your sandwich, not just the soft green leaf parts. Use romaine and arugula, not 'iceburg' lettuce, which has next to zero flavor.

If you're using texture leafy greens like arugula, toss it in a vinaigrette before piling it onto the sandwich. The vinegar zing makes a statement.

The tomato should have a strong flavor of its own. Salt & pepper on ripe tomato is heavenly. Make sure your seasoning hits the tomato.

If you're adding onion, make sure the slices are super duper thin-sliced. Like, mandolin-thin. Translucent-thin. Red onion is king.

If you want it toasted, make sure the cheese and meat gets hot, but the greens/tomato/onion is added afterward so it stays cold and crisp.

Don't be afraid to STACK IT TALL. CRAM IT FULL! How many sandwiches from restaurants feel impossible to fit in your mouth at first glance? Most of 'em. Make it big. With the meat, especially, they often CRAM the meat in there. No single-layer of ham slices here.

It's ok to MIX MEATS. Fry up some bacon (extra crispy!) or crisp up some pepperoni and layer it with your turkey.

Once you're done, wrap your sandwich in parchment paper (not WAX paper, there's a difference), then slice in half. By wrapping it, you force all the ingredients to smush together and start blending flavors. This makes 'em all a little better and stops them from sliding around, so it's easy to get a bite with every ingredient at once, and stops the sandwich from actually falling apart.

--

Honestly, the biggest 'secrets' of sandwich making is:

MAXIMIZE FLAVOR. USE RICHLY FLAVORED INGREDIENTS.

SEASON ALL YOUR SHIT FOR MORE FLAVOR

DON'T BE AFRAID TO PILE ON MORE GOOD SHIT.

[reasonsforhope]

A reef that has been degraded—whether by coral bleaching or disease—can’t support the same diversity of species and has a much quieter, less rich soundscape.

But new research from Woods Hole Oceanographic Institution shows that sound could potentially be a vital tool in the effort to restore coral reefs.

A healthy coral reef is noisy, full of the croaks, purrs, and grunts of various fishes and the crackling of snapping shrimp. Scientists believe that coral larvae use this symphony of sounds to help them determine where they should live and grow.

So, replaying healthy reef sounds can encourage new life in damaged or degraded reefs.

In a paper published last week in Royal Society Open Science, the Woods Hole researchers showed that broadcasting the soundscape of a healthy reef caused coral larvae to settle at significantly higher rates—up to seven times more often.

“What we’re showing is that you can actively induce coral settlement by playing sounds,” said Nadège Aoki, a doctoral candidate at WHOI and first author on the paper.

“You can go to a reef that is degraded in some way and add in the sounds of biological activity from a healthy reef, potentially helping this really important step in the coral life cycle.”

Corals are immobile as adults, so the larval stage is their only opportunity to select a good habitat. They swim or drift with the currents, seeking the right conditions to settle out of the water column and affix themselves to the seabed. Previous research has shown that chemical and light cues can influence that decision, but Aoki and her colleagues demonstrate that the soundscape also plays a major role in where corals settle.

The researchers ran the same experiment twice in the U.S. Virgin Islands in 2022. They collected larvae from Porites astreoides, a hardy species commonly known as mustard hill coral thanks to its lumpy shape and yellow color and distributed them in cups at three reefs along the southern coast of St. John. One of those reefs, Tektite, is relatively healthy. The other two, Cocoloba and Salt Pond, are more degraded with sparse coral cover and fewer fish.

At Salt Pond, Aoki and her colleagues installed an underwater speaker system and placed cups of larvae at distances of one, five, 10, and 30 meters from the speakers. They broadcast healthy reef sounds – recorded at Tektite in 2013 – for three nights. They set up similar installations at the other two reefs but didn’t play any sounds.

When they collected the cups, the researchers found that significantly more coral larvae had settled in the cups at Salt Pond than the other two reefs. On average, coral larvae settled at rates 1.7 times (and up to 7x) higher with the enriched sound environment.

The highest settlement rates were at five meters from the speakers, but even the cups placed 30 meters away had more larvae settling to the bottom than at Cocoloba and Tektite.

“The fact that settlement is consistently decreasing with distance from the speaker, when all else is kept constant, is particularly important because it shows that these changes are due to the added sound and not other factors,” said Aran Mooney, a marine biologist at WHOI and lead author on the paper.

“This gives us a new tool in the toolbox for potentially rebuilding a reef.”

Adding the audio is a process that would be relatively simple to implement, too.

“Replicating an acoustic environment is actually quite easy compared to replicating the reef chemical and microbial cues which also play a role in where corals choose to settle,” said Amy Apprill, a microbial ecologist at WHOI and a co-author on the paper.

“It appears to be one of the most scalable tools that can be applied to rebuild reefs, so we’re really excited about that potential.”"

-via Good News Network, March 17, 2024

[ad-caelestia]

❌ Curse Correspondences ❌

Crystals:

Agate - for use on a target who has entered a space uninvited, i.e. someone breaking into your home or vehicle

Alexandrite - causes obsession and delusions

Amethyst - causes sensitivity and self-destruction

Astrophyllite - causes those who have died at the hands of another to torment the target from the grave

Diamond - causes blindness, confusion, and disorientation

Diopside - lowers inhibitions and causes secrets to be revealed

Emerald - causes greed, selfishness, and isolation

Flint - causes conflicts

Garnet - leeches energy from a target

Kunzite - induces vulnerability 

Kyanite - used to infiltrate a target’s mind

Meteorite - used as a catalyst in baneful magic

Obsidian - used for general aggressive magic

Onyx - causes nightmares and mental torment, and is used to break up relationships

Opal - used to store negative energy, and then to be given to a target

Ruby - used to focus your intent on a target

Colors:

Black - law, justice, manifestation, sorrow

Red - force, energy, confrontation, jealousy, anger

Greenish Yellow - strife, discord, illness, conflict, jealousy, greed

Magenta - catalyst

Botanicals:

Ague Weed - confusion 

Angelica Root - misery, strife, distress, discord

Asafoetida - drives enemies away

Bayberry - depression

Bindweed - binding

Blackberry Root - distress

Black Salt - misery, strife, distress, discord

Bladderwrack - illness

Bloodroot - substitute for blood

Blueberry - confusion, strife

Boneset - distress, confusion

Cayenne Pepper - anxiety

Chicory - discord

Chili Powder - discord, misery, strife

Cinquefoil - discomfort

Clove - stopping gossip

Cramp Bark - pain, illness

Dogbane - deception

Dragon’s Blood - destruction, strife, misery

Hemlock - discord, sadness

Henbane - illness, discord, melancholy

Jezebel Root - wickedness, ending relationships, punishing unfaithful lovers

Knot Weed - binding

Lemon - sourness, bitterness

Lemon Verbena - a boost of power, ending relationships

Lime - sourness, bitterness

Lobelia - discord

Mace - misery, strife

Mandrake - misery, strife

Mistletoe - isolation, confusion

Mullein - spirit work, nightmares

Mustard Seed - strife, discord

Myrrh - a boost of power

Nightshade (Belladonna) - discord, illness

Onion - strife

Patchouli - illness

Poke Root - confusion, discord

Poppy Seed - discord

Rue - misery

Safflower - destruction

Spanish Moss - bad luck

Slippery Elm - ending relationships

Stinging Nettle - jealousy, envy, discomfort

Sumac - bad luck

Tobacco - a substitute for any baneful herb

Tormentil - distress, harm, discord

Vetiver - silence

Wormwood (Absinthe) - misery, strife

Yew - spirit work

Yohimbe Bark - impotency

Planets:

Mars - power, force, energy, war, conflict, jealousy

Saturn - law, justice, chaos, revenge

Neptune - confusion, illusion, chaos

Pluto - death, mystery, crisis

Lunar Phases:

Waning - binding, banishing

Dark - destruction, banishing, justice

Black - power, manifestation

Taglocks:

Drawings

Photos

The target’s name written on paper

The target’s signature

An item that belongs to the target

Other Ingredients:

Cigarette butts

Broken glass

Razorblades 

Vinegar

Lemon/lime juice

Alcohol

Bones

Needles

Nails

Thorns

Shark teeth

Catfish spines

Murex seashells

Flying Devil Oil

Dead insects

Black sand

Charcoal

Disclaimer: I do not condone the unethical practice of collecting or harvesting animal parts, or forcefully obtaining taglocks. This is just a list of theoretical correspondences and I am not responsible for the actions of others.

© 𝟸𝟶𝟸𝟺 𝙰𝙳-𝙲𝙰𝙴𝙻𝙴𝚂𝚃𝙸𝙰

[astrolovecosmos]

The Planets & Random or Obscure Associations

~Sun~

Creativity, vitality, head of state, the father, games, yellow and orange clothing, articles of value, jewelry, gold, brass, power, diamonds, citrine, topaz, jasper, amber, rhodochrosite, mistletoe, almonds, citrus, succulents, sunflowers, fevers, heart, back, spine, grapes, walnuts, rice, chamomile, frankincense, juniper, saffron, marigold, rosemary, rue, palaces, towers, luxury.

~Moon~

Eternal, cycles, silver, aluminum, pearls, moonstone, opal, selenite, chest, glands, lymphatic system, nervous system, emotions, mother, ancestors, nurture, rebirth, tides, baths, ocean, brew, boat, sap, willow trees, succulents, pale color plants, white flowers, cucumber, cabbage, lettuce, melons, shellfish, pumpkins, lakes, fountains, ports, fishponds, pools, springs, sewers, dairies, toys, reflection, blankets, objects of comfort.

~Mercury~

Communication, journal, pen/pencil, any writing tools, wings, phosphorous, mercury, agate, tiger's eye, brain, nervous system, eyes, respiration, thyroid, speech, hearing, intellect, vehicles, money, bills, paper, books, pictures, parties or social gatherings, scientific instruments, butterflies, messages, mail, hazel, mulberry, myrtle, seeds, aniseed, dill, fennel, lavender, liquorice, marjoram, parsley, valerian, hazelnuts, beans, mushrooms, pomegranates, carrots, celery, libraries, schools, markets, fairs, public spaces, tennis or badminton court, studies, banks, bowling greens, offices, blue, white, or light colored flowers.

~Venus~

Love, relating, lust, high-quality fabrics, copper, bronze, sodium, malachite, tourmaline, emerald, rose quartz, kunzite, sapphire, pastels, throat, kidneys, lumber region, art, music, aesthetics, social life, fashion, jewelry, wine, pleasure, alder tree, fruit trees, paint, ash tree, birch, pomegranates, early flowering, daisy, mint, marshmallow, meadowsweet, mugwort, plantain, tansy, roses, thyme, vervain, yarrow, potatoes, strawberries, wheat, sugar, nectarines, ballrooms, bedrooms, dining room, gardens, fountains, wardrobes, theaters, looking and feeling good.

~Mars~

Lust, conquest, desire, flaming sword, red things, fights, iron, brass, bloodstone, carnelian, cinnabar, pyrite, magnetite, ruby, garnet, hematite, muscles, reproductive organs, blood, kidneys, immunity, heat, action, arms, pepper, sharp instruments, cutlery, attacks, scissors, weapons, physical intimacy, bites, stings, scalds, burns, accidents, hawthorn, pine, thorns, cactus, aloes, anemone, arnica, belladonna, garlic, ginger, hops, mustard seed, nettles, wormwood, chives, onions, leeks, radish, rhubarb, tobacco, labs, furnaces, distilleries, bakehouses, ovens, smiths, butchers, fields, anger, passion, self-focus.

~Jupiter~

Expansion, optimism, religion, religious sites, tin, seduction, turquoise, chrysocolla, topaz, citrine, jasper, liver, pancreas, pituitary gland, sciatic nerve, excess, abundance, prophecy, philosophy, knowledge, universities, foreign travel, luggage, honey, oil, silk, fruit, distinct clothing, merchandise, horses, domestic birds, gambling, indulgence, entertainment, oak, dandelion, sage, endive, chervil, asparagus, figs, churches, temples, palaces, altars, courts, mansions, woods, orchards, winery, cornucopia, connecting with the soul.

~Saturn~

Limits, boundaries, father time, lord of death, shadows, lead, iron, steel, calcium, asbestos, sulphur, diamond, onyx, calcite, skeleton, spleen, skin, teeth, nails, joints, structure, crystallization, old age, blockage, anything dark, wool, heavy materials, agriculture, wheelbarrows, spades, farm houses and buildings, cold, laws, aspen, blackthorn, buckthorn, cypress, elm, toxic plants, hemlock, henbane, belladonna, hellebore, barley, beetroot, safflower, parsnips, spinach, deserts, woods, valleys, caves, church yards, ruins, coalpits, sinks, wells, mud, institutions.

~Uranus~

Eccentrics, mavericks, invention, genius, revolution, change, trends, disruptive science or tech, uranium, magnesium, lapis lazuli, sapphire, aquamarine, azurite, chalcedony, electricity, neon lights, plaid, nervous and circulatory system, pineal gland, chaos, violence, upheaval, astrology, steam engines, coal, machinery, coins, baths, fishponds, dangerous places, computers, magnets, quantum physics, research, welfare, humanity, hypnotherapy, railways, banks, gas, psychiatric hospitals, offices, hospitals, dispensaries, fortified places, chemicals, mingled/mingling, spirit and matter.

~Neptune~

Illusions, veils, diffuse, deception, water, oceans, mysticism, enlightenment, artistic pursuit and understanding, zinc, potassium, amethyst, fluorite, jade, sugilite, coral, aquamarine, pineal gland, lymphatic and nervous system, spine, mental processes, addiction, psychoses, disease, photography, music, substances, gas, religion, poetry, mimicry, chameleon, anesthetic, telepathy, empathy, dancing, psychic gifts, places near water, hospitals, places of healing, jeweler, painters, brewers, musicians, visionary.

~Pluto~

Power, influence, darkness, new life, what's hidden underneath, seeds, volcanoes, deep earth or ocean, bury, explosions, eruptions, abduction, plutonium, smoky quartz, obsidian, jet, pearl, deep reds, reproductive organs, the unconscious, nuclear, transformation, death, birth, rebirth, underworld, riches, earthquakes, big business, murder, detection, detective, invisibility, sneak, enforced change, hidden places, underground, drains, sewers, radioactive places, the occult, black magic, sacrifice, renew.

[starxanemone]

꩜ⴰ ࣪˖ THE LANGUAGE OF FLOWERS

tighnari x gender neutral!reader — oneshot. romance.

if you read between the lines, colors, and shapes of the petals, perhaps you might find meaning conveyed to you through the language of flowers.

— wherein you are a secret admirer of tighnari and you decide to send him flowers and along with equally-flowery words.

Rukkhadhava Mushrooms? Check.

Kalpalata Lotus? Check.

Padisara? Check.

Scarab fluid? Check.

“Do you find all of the necessary ingredients to be satisfactory enough?” An employee asks Tighnari as he counts the number of each ingredient separated into containers on top of the table.

“Yes, thank you very much.” He responds busily.

“I wish you the best in your endeavors. I will be off now.”

“Yes, thank you.” Tighnari nods his head as his pencil drags off carefully against the page of his little notebook, crossing small boxes listed between the grid lines. Work was constant and even more so now as he feels its amount in waves lately with the sudden new virus spreading around due to the withering zones. Fortunately, only a few were infected and it is not taking too much of a toll on his body—with him balancing the role of being a Forest Watcher and a sort of doctor on the side.

He sighs as he closes his notebook shut and sits down on the chair. He looks around him, wide dark emerald eyes admiring the abundance of greenery inside Pardis Dhyai and taking in the cluster of herbal and floral fragrances between each soft inhale.

He then glances at the clock.

3:29AM. Any minute now–

“Delivery for Tighnari!” A deep, gravelly voice enters the vicinity and Tighnari immediately stands up to respectfully bow to the delivery man.

“Ah, Arkan.” Tighnari greets the tall, burly man right in front of him politely. There is a bundle of purple hugged between Arkan’s arms and he eyes it promptly; expectantly; disposition still even despite the slight anticipating twitch of his ear. “I assume that is for me.”

“Ya got that right.” Arkan agrees gruffly, extending his arm out to hand him the bouquet of vibrant purple Forget-Me-Not flowers. “Your lover’s been quite consistent.”

“Perhaps ‘admirer’ would be a more suitable term. I still don’t know who they are.” Tighnari shakes his head before glancing down at the flowers now in his arms. Its petals are the shade of mustard yellow at the center, transitioning to vibrant purple as he eyes the petals down to its rounded tips. He wonders what is their motive behind all of this. How was he to fall for a person whose identity he had no slightest idea of? It was unreasonable to fall for a figment of his imagination—the mere idea built from expectations of who this person might be.

But still, he keeps the flowers close to him. It stays displayed inside his home, consistently being replaced every week upon each delivery. So far, he had received a total of four flower deliveries, all appearing to be freshly-picked and very healthy.

I’m keeping them because it would be a waste not to. Tighnari nodded to himself.

“Well, then, I’ll leave you to think about it by yourself.” Arkan dips his head slightly for a temporary farewell. He would be seeing Tighnarini again soon, no doubt.

“Alright. Thank you for the delivery, Arkan.”

Tighnari sits down once again, placing the wrapped bouquet on his lap, supporting it with one arm. He counts the flowers and the snowy Gypsophila surrounding each small bundle of Forget-Me-Nots. He brings it up to his face, breathing in the floral fragrance before noticing a small piece of rectangular paper pasted onto the wrapping. His fingers gently move the flowers to read the text.

“What if you forget to forget-me-not and we fade away?”

A new piece added onto the puzzle of the admirer’s hidden painting. Clever. Forget-Me-Nots. Tighnari thinks back to the previous pieces of paper he had received along with the bouquets of flowers. So far, the compilation of all the notes reads:

“You can open up to me; show me what’s inside. Mother nature made us to intertwine.”

“Lavender elixir so full of pheromones, give me one taste and you’re gone.”

“What if I can’t get you out of my thoughts? What if my seasons don’t change?”

And today, “What if you forget to forget me not and we fade away?”

The admirer seems troubled today, Tighnari thinks, humming to himself in deep thought. Perhaps they liked him more than he had initially expected. He expected to be receiving about only two to three deliveries of such things, but it’s turning out to be more of a consistent thing now. Looking forward to Monday’s every time the clock strikes thirty minutes after the hour of three in the afternoon has become a sort of habit.

But he wonders: When would this end? When would he get to meet the individual who has been going through the effort to send these on a weekly basis?

Perhaps he must do a little bit of investigating for himself.

The next week comes slowly as the virus dies down significantly with Tighnari providing the patients with treatment. It has provided time for him to give some thought onto the next course of actions he might take to look for the admirer, and perhaps, the best person to ask first is the person consistently delivering the flowers.

Arkan comes marching to the front of Tighnari’s house at exactly 3:30PM, and he’s there to receive him just in time.

“Arkan, I have a question.” Tighnari began as he accepted the bouquet. Today’s flowers were a fresh bundle white Tropical Morning Glories wrapped in black paper. He fishes for the note stuck onto the wrapping paper behind the flowers and silently reads it.

“You’re my little flower blooming in the night.”

Blooming in the night... Morning Glories were also known as Moonflowers.

He purses his lip in thought as his ear unconsciously twitches. He scratches the back of his neck. Why are my ears warm? Perhaps it is hotter today than usual.

“What is it?”

He looks up from the bouquet and eyes Arkan curiously. “By any chance, do you know who’s sending these flowers?”

Arkan lets out a loud guffaw at his question, pressing his hands onto his abdomen. “I thought you’d never ask."

“It’s just that I was too busy to be pondering about that previously with the virus and all.” Tighnari places the flowers onto the ledge of his porch before crossing his arms. “So? Will you tell me who they might be?”

“No can do.” Arkan shakes his head.

He sighs. “As I suspected. Looking for them is not going to be as easy as that.”

“How ‘bout I give ya a hint?” Arkan places his hands on his hips, grinning down at him widely. “You know them.”

Tighnari squints his eyes.

He knows them.

He browses his memories for the list of people that he knew but it was turning out to be rather difficult when he was practically familiar with more than half of Gandharva Ville and many from Sumeru City. It cannot possibly be Collei; she is much too young and she has been quite close with a boy her age lately that lived near their home. Cyno was way too subpar with his linguistic skills to be able to construct mellifluous words such as these, and it is apparent with his dry jokes, thus it is unlikely to be him. Paimon and the Traveler on the other hand had long left the vicinity of Sumeru. And Alhaitham… Well, he’s Alhaitham. Could it be Kaveh?

“Do they live closeby?” Tighnari asks after a few moments of thinking.

“They live in a sort of paradise. Sort of like a garden, if you will. That’s all I gotta say.” Arkan laughs before saluting to him. “Welp, I’ll leave ya to it.”

So it’s not Kaveh, then. Thank goodness. Tighnari breathes out a sigh of relief before taking the flowers from the ledge once again. He must quickly put them in a vase.

Another week comes and Tighnari is finished trekking through the forest with Cyno after dealing with one of the few remaining Withering Zones left.

“So you have been receiving a bouquet of flowers every week.” Cyno summarizes after Tighnari explains the entirety of the situation. “I see.”

“Yes, so if it is not any trouble and if you aren’t busy with work, would you mind helping me investigate this matter?” Tighnari tilts his head, waiting for his friend’s response.

“I’m afraid that I must refuse.” Cyno answers, quickly pulling his eyes away to look up at the nearby trees.

“Hm? And why is that?” Tighnari crosses his arms. “You are looking suspicious right now, my friend. Don’t tell me that you’re actually the secret admirer?”

Cyno sends him an offended look, or at least, as offended as his typically-stoic face could look. “Do I appear to be the type who writes poetry? I must say that my jokes are quite great, but poetry on the other hand?”

“Yes, it is exactly as I thought. Except for the jokes part.” Tighnari nods, ignoring the second wave of offended expression that paints his friend’s face. “But why were you acting suspicious just now? Perhaps… you know who they are. You know who has been sending the flowers to me.”

Cyno shakes his head. “It’s not that I knew. I only figured it out when you told me about the flowers just now.”

“How?”

“Easy. I suggested the flowers, or rather, I told them you liked plants, and maybe, flowers.” Cyno explains before suddenly looking thoughtful. “But now that I think about it. The notes do sound like something they would do.” He hums thoughtfully. "Hm... they even went all the way to Sumeru City to ask about something like that."

“Well? Are you not going to tell me who it is?”

“No.”

Tighnari sighs, rubbing his face in annoyance. This was becoming more frustrating with the way Arkan and Cyno were being so secretive.

Cyno pats his shoulder comfortingly. “You will find out who they are soon.”

“Why? Will they reveal themselves?”

“I do not know. But upon meeting them, it is only time before they slip up. They’re not as patient as you believe they are.”

“Yes, maybe…”

Tighnari receives three stems of Tulips today, tied together with a thin white ribbon that also holds a piece of paper along with it. His eyes squinted a little upon realizing that the texts today were a bit longer, and the handwriting was a bit messier.

Hm… Tulips…

“All I see are Tulips (you) and

I’m a hummingbird;

Heavenly ambrosia in every curve.

Honey dripping over my imagination;

The fragrance keeps flowing straight

down to my soul.”

He doesn’t hold back the warmth that spreads across his light-skinned cheeks and tips of his ears—or rather, he couldn’t. Whoever was writing him these notes and sending these flowers seemed to know just the precise words to make a person’s heart quiver. That, or this was simply born from the inexplicable feeling of adoration; one that Tighnari himself still doesn’t understand.

Perhaps, you would care to show him—to make him understand where all of these saccharine poems flow from inside you and onto paper.

He flips the paper around and is surprised to see an added note.

“I heard you were looking for me. Why don’t you come and find me, then?” He looks down further at the bottom of the page. “Here’s a hint: I live in paradise.”

Paradise? Tighnari squints rubs his chin at the familiar word. Where and when could he have last heard it?

Paradise… Ah! His eyes widen as he remembers his conversation with Arkan about two or three weeks before.

“They live in a sort of paradise. Sort of like a garden, if you will. That’s all I gotta say.” Arkan laughs before saluting to him. “Welp, I’ll leave ya to it.”

Paradise… Paradise— Pardis? Pardis Dhyai? If his suspicions were correct then… then the admirer was much closer than he had initially suspected. He had assumed that they lived in Sumeru City due to the weekly access to new and foreign flowers being delivered there frequently. This had caused him to forget about Pardis Dhyai completely—the actual grounds for producing an array of different plants and flowers.

He set the flowers into a vase filled with water and began preparing to clean up his things. Turns out that he had a trip to make towards Pardis Dhyai outside of work hours.

Tighnari arrives at the vicinity as the Sun had already set, leaving the shrounds of orange to be submerged underneath the dark blues littered with specs of white. Strange to him as it may be, but his heart is racing fast against his ribs as he takes rapid steps to enter the greenhouse. Perhaps it may be from all the running, or maybe it was the nerves swallowing his being, but one thing is for sure and that is the fact that his curiosity and the need to understand cannot deter him from finding out the one behind all these things.

He enters the greenhouse and the silence engulfs his ears aside from the crickets resounding from the distance. He steps forward, moving to the area where the flowers were born side by side, and there, he sees someone standing there, tending to the plants at this hour.

“You’re my little flower

Blooming in the night…”

His eyes widen as hears them sing softly as they hold the watering can over the vibrant leaves and petals.

“Only for an hour,

The northern lights.

My Casablanca sweetheart,

Nectar so divine.

Baby, you’re the best part

Of my life.”

“So it is you.” Tighnari’s voice cuts through the pause of their singing. He sees their shoulders jolt a little in surprise before they turn around slowly, sheepishly. It was you, the employee in Pardis Dhyai who guided him throughout each time he collected ingredients for new medicine.

“So you have found me.” Your smile is relaxed as you take a step towards him, placing a hand on his shoulder. He shivers at the contact but doesn’t move away, causing you to chuckle. “Shall we have a chat?”

“W-What makes you say that I have the time? I could be here for some herbs.” He blurts out, a little out of character from his typical self.

You chuckle at his nervousness. “Well? What can I do to convince you to stay?”

[unexpectedyarns]

Tired of the prices of fast food skyrocketing from greedflation while the food gets worse (as if it were possible) due to enshittification?

I will show you how to make a deli-grade sandwich for $2.54.

I make these 6 at a time. It takes about 20 minutes to make and wrap all 6.

Lunch to grab and go for the whole week (or just to grab at home when you're low on spoons) - or with a bowl of hot soup, they make a good supper.

NIKKI's $2.54

$8 DELI SANDWICHES

Thin sliced ham 1lb $4 (use half) $2

1/2lb Genoa or spicy salami 3

1/2lb sliced chicken/Turkey breast 3

Sliced cheese package of your choice 3

Ciabatta rolls, croissants, hamburger buns) 3

1/4 jar of sliced pickles ($4 jar) 1

1/2 onion, sliced thin (6 in a bag $3) .25

$15.25 / 6 sandwiches = $2.54

NO TOMATOES, SPINACH, OR LETTUCE. THEY GET YUCKY IN A DAY OR TWO.

You will also need:

Any sandwich dressing you want (Italian dressing, ranch, Mayo, yellow or brown mustard)

Parchment paper or waxed paper or blank newsprint (rolls of this can be bought super cheap at a paper supplier. Last you a year or more).

Rubber bands

Lay out the buns. Dress the top of each bun and press it to the bottom half to distribute dressing.

Put a slice of cheese on each half.

Put 2 slices of chicken or Turkey breast folded in half

Lay some pieces of onion around. (Stage 1)

Add two slices of salami.

Add pickles. (Stage 2)

Take 4 thin slices of ham and fold each slice in half and half again. (Stage 3)

Put the top cheese and bun on (stage 4)

Cut rectangles of parchment/waxed paper/newsprint.

Lay the sandwich a little over a sandwich width away from the corner nearest to you but lined up with the far corner.

Bring the front of the paper up over the sandwich snugly and fold in the right corner, also snugly.

Fold the sandwich over toward the far corner, then fold the left corner over what is now the bottom of the sandwich, tightly.

Roll the sandwich the rest of the way toward the far corner, then secure the wrapping with a rubber band. Save your rubber bands and reuse them.

IT IS IMPORTANT to wrap the sandwich tightly because that will meld all the layers together so they don't slide around later when you eat it.

Now you have nearly a week's worth of sandwiches. You spent a little over $15, which isn't even 2 days worth of sandwiches out of a window.

YOU'RE WELCOME!

[magicratfingers]

my paper gets here today (neons! fake parchment! mustard yellow!) let's go zinessss

[soapshipper]

embarrassingly gullible

in which Jim Halpert dares Eileen Hayward to prank Dwight Schrute, but will he fall for it?

"Uncle Dwight, it's me- Anna Schrute! It's been so long, maybe you can come over to Germany soon and we can have a harvest festival just like old times!"

"I don't know who you are, I don't know why you think this is funny, but there is no one directly related to me with the name Anna Schrute!"

"It's Anna Schrute, Uncle Dwight!"

"Leave me alone, I am completely opposed to harming women but I know karate and I wouldn't be afraid to make an example out of you."

Dwight was fuming from the office break room as he held his mobile close to his ear. His eyes frantically darting around the room to ensure nobody over heard the conversation.

"So you'll come over to Deutschland to make an example of me, Uncle Dwight? Das ist fantastisch! Auf Wiederhören Uncle Dwight!"

"I don't know how you got my number but leave me a-" The line went dead.

***

"I don't know why, and I don't know who, but someone has been calling me on my personal cellphone for the past month claiming to Anna Schrute. My brother has no clue as to who she is, but I' m starting to believe she is my niece... she knows a startling amount!" The camera crew, who had only been at the office for a few days stood behind the camera equipment as Dwight spoke, his mustard yellow top reflected in the view finder of the camera as he flattened down his hair.

"Dwight? Oh yeah he's embarrassingly gullible, I've been calling him directly to his personal phone for the past month telling him I'm his niece Anna Schrute," Eileen smirks as she looks at the camera "Jim bet me twenty bucks that he wouldn't fall for it, but I'm going to be twenty dollars richer soon."

***

Eileen hastily pocketed her phone as Dwight made his way back to his desk and pretends to have just gotten off a sales call as she picked up the receiver phone and put it down as soon as she was in Dwight line of vision. Her eyes met Jim's as his widened and his eyebrows raised as Dwight made himself comfortable in his seat once more.

"So, Dwight," Eileen started- picking at her nails, "what was that all about?"

"Oh just my niece calling from Germany."

***

"Ka-ching!" Eileen held up the twenty dollar bill to camera pulling at it lightly twice from both sides to accentuate that she won the bet. Her dimples were prominent as she grinned.

***

"Ahh, your niece you say? I wasn't aware you had a niece." Eileen raised her eyebrows as she spoke, turning to the side slightly to hide the smirk growing on her face.

"No, I wasn't either- but it truly is a blessing to know of another Schrute. It's good to know that the Schrute name is still being carried." Dwights eyes didn't leave his computer as he typed up an email, his glasses reflected the computer screen in front of him.

Eileen glanced over at Jim giving him a look that said 'this is funny but i feel bad'. The man struggled not to laugh at her cringing face and put a finger up to his lip to make her stay quiet.

"So Dwight, uh- what's her name?" The Halpert man had a dopey grin on his face as a laugh mixed with his words.

"I don't see how that is any of your business..." Dwight muttered as rearranged the papers on his desk, the pile making an obnoxious noise as he hit the stack on the table a paucity of times to make sure they were all in line with each other.

"Oh it really doesn't, I just wanted to take interest in one of my fellow salespersons lives..." He faux innocence as he busied himself with typing on his computer, scratching the back of his neck to add to his act.

"Her name is Anna Schrute, she speaks broken English, she is German, lives in Germany yet is confined to the time zones of Pennsylvania..." He pauses for a moment, before typing something into his computer.

His hand bangs onto the table as he pushes back from his desk and spins on his chair once. He stops and points at the woman in front of him, a glare besmirched on his face.

"You!," he pointed at her "It was you!"

"Huh, what?"

"You're Anna Schrute!"

"No, no- what?!"

"I knew I could hear typing in the background, she sounds exactly like you Eileen!"

"But Anna lives in Germany, was there any background noise- other than the typing?"

"There was traffic sounds- wait." Dwights eyebrows furrowed as he typed something into the computer.

A few silent moments later, everyone in the office can hear the sound of passing cars and the occasional German shout.

"Aw that's what Eileen listens to when she gets stressed," Phyllis began- pointing awkwardly at Dwights computer  "She's stressed quite a lot..."

Eileen sucks her bottom lip in, and clamps her top teeth over it. Pointing her head down, her fringe covers her face but Dwight can still make out her silent laughter through the shake in her shoulders.

"Michael. MICHAEL!," Dwight starts standing from his chair "She's done it again!"

Michael can be seen leaving his chair, pinching his forehead as he approached his office door.

Dwight grins, exposing his teeth, and turns back to Eileen.

"You're fired! You are so fired!"

Their boss gets a hold of the door and pulls it shut much to the amusement of Jim who lets out a quiet 'ha'. Michael then proceeded to shut all the blinds in his office and return back to his desk.

[universallydestinytaco]

The Little Smiling Mermaid (Chapter 4) + Special Message at the End

The rest of the Salty’s crew bursted out of the cake as if it was a morbid twist on a piñata: instead of a paper-mache sculpture full of candy, it was a perfectly good birthday cake desecrated by violent thugs ready to enact their revenge! Mr. Boss shielded the Queen as Charlie and the sailors charged into battle, accompanied by Smormu wielding a mop as if it was a spear; Suffice to say that the party quickly turned into a war zone. The Fun Twinz ran rings around Chris who still-had-yet to overcome his intoxication, Ketchup ganged up on Tomar before the latter grabbed a chair and bashed it over his opponent, Smormu was clashing her mop at Crazy Cup’s sword much to the latter’s surprise at how durable the mop turned out to be, Salt and Pepper where mildly annoying Mr. Boss while entertaining the Queen and to top it all off, Charlie and Mustard engaged in hand-to-quip combat. “Aw, can’t a poor Mustard like me have a little fun?” “I was having fun until you and the rest of the asshole squad crashed my party!” “To be honest, this party was already crashed to begin with, we came and spiced it up for ya!” “Yeah, thanks a lot, really nice of you guys to take a crap on my parade.” “I gotta hand it to ya, whoever’s navigating the ship all freestyle sure is hammering on home how this party’s gone off the rails!” Charlie stopped in his tracks and looked around, seeing Mr. Boss with his Grandmother, he asked: “Who’s behind the wheel?” It was none other than the stealthiest member of Salty’s team: the elusive Century Egg, aided by the rest of the crew as a distraction so he can deliberately crash the ship into the jagged rock bed nearby. Charlie completely forgot about Mustard as he picked up at the empty glass bottle of Salty’s purloined booze and rampaged at the Century Egg, smashing the bottle back against his head and breaking it, thus making the bottle an even more dangerous weapon to use while unleashing a furious roar: “YOU PIECE OF SHIT, THIS SHIP BELONGED TO MY PARENTS!” The Century Egg sure was seeing stars with a briefly blurry vision to boot, but he wasn’t done yet, he grabbed Charlie by the ankles as Mustard, who turned out to have been latched onto his back without him paying attention, pounded on Charlie’s head and grabbed his arms. “On three!” Mustard and Century Egg swung the KO’d Charlie on both limbs out of the ship and into the ocean. Pim, who was on the edge of his seat, gasped and jumped back into the water to save his crush with the rest of the Meeplantican quartet following suit.

Pim spotted the yellow landcritter plummeting down before floating off, carried by the weight of water, Pim immediately swam up and grabbed him by his shirt and pulling upward. Realizing the size difference between the two, Pim took his cloak off and wrapped it around Charlie, using it as a maneuver while once again swimming upwards to the surface.

…

“That was some show out there, huh gang?” Graham Nelly chuckled until he noticed the somber atmosphere of Pim, Alan and Glep inspecting wether or not Charlie bit the dust. Pim’s lip quivered, on the verge of tears he asked: “…is he dead?” Graham Nelly joined in with his diagnosis: “Gee ‘cous, I dunno….I can’t make out a heartbeat.” as he held Charlie’s foot to his ear. “No look, he’s breathing!” Pim chirped as he saw the briefly-displeased look on Charlie’s face, Pim caressed the larger critter and passionately gazed upon the half-awaken critter. “He’s so…familiar…” Pim felt as if his heart fluttered like a bird soaring above the sea, he was unambiguously in love with this man.

“What could I give to live where you are?….what would I pay to stay here beside you?…..what could I do to see you….smiling at meeeee?”

Alan, upon realizing what was unfolding and how much trouble they’d all be in had the rest of the Royal Family found out, felt his jaw drop to the ground until Graham Nelly picked it up off the ground, closing it back up as he gazed upon the heartwarming scene, touched seeing his passionate cousin freely express his feelings.

“Where would we walk if we could run, where we could spend all day in the suuuuun?….just you and me, and I could be….part of your woooooorld~”

From Charlie’s point of view, all he could hear was an angelic voice ringing back into his consciousness, until he opened his eyes to a pink critter with a soft round face, big beautiful eyes and strands of rosey-colored hair singing to him as this angelic mystery critter gave him a small peck on his bruised-up nose before he shut his eyes once again to the sound of his crew calling his name. When he opened his eyes again, they left. Charlie spat up some ocean water and looked around wondering who was that and where did they go as the rest of the party rushed to his side. “There you are, man!! We thought you were a goner!” cried Chris, aiding Mr. Boss in helping Charlie back up as his weeping grandmother ran to him with a hug full of familial embrace. “Oooh Chawlie my boy, I’m so glad you’re alive! I couldn’t bear losing another member of my family!” Charlie’s mind was in kind of a daze until he remembered how he was rescued. “This little pink critter rescued me, and they had the most beautiful voice!” Mr. Boss chuckled, “I think you might have drank too much…seawater or booze? I dunno.”

Alan, who was panicking as if the world was ending tomorrow, piped up: “Guys, if either the King or Queen ask, we all just gotta forget this whole thing ever happened….they’ll never know! None of you will tell them, I won't tell them! We will all stay in one piece.” Of course, Alan’s words went ignored by the lovestruck Pim, lying on a rock by the island, and watching the partially damaged ship sail away. With the wind blowing in his hair and the sunrise breaking dawn across the starry sky, Pim was overcome with strong and passionate feelings. “I don’t know when…I don’t know how…but I know something’s starting right noooooow!!!!” The waves picked up by the wind, seemingly on cue of Pim’s now-triumphant voice as salty tears where escaping the grasp of his bulbous eyes as they where fueled by a powerful trinity of sweet remembrance, a foreboding farewell and a ray of hope that filled Pim with determination: “Watch and you’ll seeee, someday I’ll beeee~ PART OF YOOOOOUR WOOOOOOOOORLD!!!!!!” That last note beamed out of Pim like the perfect wave that splashed right behind him as the sun came out on cue, rising as that last note began to wane into a soft-spoken, sparkling cadence of longing. Glep clapped in applause, Graham Nelly got misty-eyed himself with tears of pride for his cousin and Alan meekly uttered: “We are so screwed.”

~

“Oh this is WAY to easy! That little pink fool’s fallen in love with a land critter!” Grim relished as he was once again spectating all the tea through his crystal ball, Gnarly chuckled: “And not just ANY land critter either!” both of them bursted into a wicked cackle: “A COMPLETE GUYFAILIURE!” Grim sarcastically monologued: “His daddy’s gonna love that.” “Yeah, hate to be in his scales.” Gnarly added. “That headstrong lovesick boy is gonna make the perfect pawn to bait King Steven into our trap!” snarled Grim, clasping his hands together plotting his revenge. Gnarly followed up with: “So we hold him for ransom and tell Kinger to fork over the trident, right? Easy as pie.” Grim, greatly unamused, corrected Gnarly ever-so-politely and totally not into his ears or anything: “THAT’S JUST GONNA GET BOTH OF US TURNED INTO A GODDAMN SUSHI PLATTER, WHALE-SHIT FOR BRAINS!! UGH! just hear me out and listen: Go find that bulbous-eyed ginger and sell him our idea-“

NOTE: Chapter 5 is in the works, I haven’t finished it yet because of all the projects I am balancing atm, so the fic will take a brief hiatus until two-or-three weeks from now, then I will have more time to work on the story AND finish the rest of those requests I need to post, thank you so much for supporting this story of mine, it means so much to me! Happy Pride!! 🌈

[andieperrie18]

happiness in exile

series: that vacation you're looking for

pairing: Leon Kennedy x Reader

warnings: None

a/n: I'm just gonna write... thats all

--------------------------------------------------

Stockholm wasn't the first place that would pop into Chris's head when looking for an ex-government agent who recently quit due to personal reasons, one that he was very well aware of. He would have assumed that Y/n would rather be out somewhere in a rural area, in a cottage and a garden. Rehabilitating her heart and mind from the stressful job of fighting off bioweapons all while dealing with her breaking her engagement with Leon. As much as the male wanted to leave the woman alone, she was the only one capable of attaining information on his current target right now. 

"Claire, are you sure you're giving me the correct address?" 

Chris stared back and forth between the piece of paper in his hand and the residence before him, or a bakery instead. The walls are colored a dirty mustard yellow with a wide window with various pastries and a singular door beside it. Above it was an intricate sign, 'Gütiokipänjä Bakery' it read.

"Yes, it's a bakery and if you're standing in front of one, then you've found it," she replied through the other line. The buff male stared at the establishment. There was a pathway beside the bakery that led to a yard. He dared not to enter the said establishment but did take a look through the glass window display.

No Y/n, just a female cashier with a rather unusually large red bow holding her hair in a neat ponytail, she was taking a few customers' orders and a baker with rather red hair and big round glasses putting freshly baked pastries through designated baskets and racks on display. Having had enough of just eye scavenging for the woman he walked towards the door. The male slowly treads to the bakery's door to inquire until he is called.

"Chris?" he spun to see who called him, it was a woman. It took him two squints to finally acknowledge who it was.

"Y/n," she just smiled radiantly at him.

-----------------------++------------------------

Chris was jealous, well a tad bit envious. Envious of Y/n current state in comparison to his. Despite wearing a typical tourist outfit to blend in the crowd, his tired frown had forever etched itself on his face through years of trying to fight against monsters and people who created them for their benefits that had cost him countless lives of his men and women.

And then there's Y/n, who has been a close acquaintance of his after working together in various missions where the BSAA and the US Government needed to work together. And like him, this battle had taken its toll on her too, that was before she left for a rather long vacation.

He wasn't clueless of the sudden end of her and Leon's relationship, aware of the unusual relationship the male has with a female mercenary. 

"Soo… its been a while,"

Y/n took her seat across from him at a small dinner table in a relatively spacious room he didn't know the bakery had, it was an apartment space connected to the bakery. It was a bit dim but the slightly large window and the fresh morning sun lit her room without effort.

"It has. I guess you're doing quite well," he replied as he took a small sip of the hot beverage in front of him. 

Y/n exhaled as she rested back against the chair a soft smile grew on her lips, and he stared. The usual bags under her eyes were gone, her skin no longer sickly pale, a bit more meaty frame through her simple button-down dress, and her hair is neatly kept and put together, showing her rather radiant features.

“So… You bake?” he asked, as he smiled at how bright she looked.

Y/n chatted to him a bit more about small and simple things. Like how she learned to bake and so, sometimes pulling his sister's name through the conversation. A carefree conversation, devoid of any kind of topics involving zombies and terrorism. Rather refreshing in Chris's ears, whatever Y/n placed in his coffee to have him get laid back at that moment was working. The fresh sea breeze of the Swedish country sweetly crawled over his nape that left him to surrender his back fully on the sturdy wooden chair, the sent of the freshly baked pastries entering through the window. He could've swore that he might have dozed off for a few minutes and Y/n knows it.

"What brings you here anyway?" 

Chris heaved a breath as the question he was waiting for came, his lips shut close as he leaned forward, as his usual military demeanor returned.

"We need your help," he muttered with a little struggle, his gaze meeting hers, waiting for her expression to contort.

"We're looking for a weapon dealer who's currently involved with another virus. We don't know its effect, but we think it's related to bioweapons too," he trailed, torn by the slow fading of her warm expression. It was as if he was pulling her back to the reality of where her real occupation lies. 

"I'm sorry if I had to barge in through your vacation like this, and I know this isn't a typical one, a lot of things happened to you and I would leave you alone if I could but, I really need your help,"

Chris wasn't necessarily begging, and Y/n wasn't exactly a simple government agent. She was on the job two years before Leon was recruited. And she has a higher status than her ex-fiance, even now. That's why she was able to basically blackmail the higher-ups to give her a break. She's one of the best.

Y/n leaned back and crossed her arms, lips puckered to the left with squinting eyes. Chris felt blue, he didn't really want to force her back to duty but considering her resignation from DSO, he would be lying if it didn't cross his mind to recruit her. Surprisingly, his sister invited Y/n as field advisor for Terrasave a few months ago. So there goes his recruitment.

"I know it's sudd-" he starts, "When do you leave?" she pops on.

Taken aback by her quick reply but he never got to answer back as she left the chair and went to a closet beside her bed. She pulled out a duffel bag and placed it on the bed. 

--------------------------------------------------

there'll be happiness after you

[unique-high]

Hey gurrl I'm new to your blog I absolutely love you stories and was wondering if I could ask one for cha eunwoo I can find an blk female book on him and it frustrating 😭😭

Well the company there are in is hybe

Cha eunwoo is a well established idol and actor while yn is still a trainee that eunwoo fell in love with and as been flirting with but she is an oblivions person so until he told her before she knew. Cha eunwoo age same as current while since yn is a trainee I would say 18

Soo sorry for the long ass quest😘🙏🏾

a/n: omg sorry it took me forever to freaking get to this! Please forgive me. I wrote this in one night so I didn't have much time to check for grammar so I'm deeply sorry for any mistakes.

Eunwoo waits for you after practice. Every day. Always at the door. He waits. The other trainees would playfully poke fun singing KISSING the nursery rhyme as they walk out giggling passing the older male. You're sweaty, your limbs feel like jelly and a tired smile smoothes onto your face every time you see Eunwoo. And damn he loves your smile. It reminds him of the early days of summer when the weather still felt a little nicer.

Sometimes you and Eunwoo didn't need to speak. There was that silent talk that said more. When his eyes said more too but you never notice the way he looked at you. The little pleading behind his dark eyes for you to look at him a little longer and the little hint of love hidden in his irises for you to find.

There's a close enough space between you and Eunwoo as you walk beside him. He intentionally lets the back of his hand brush against yours, just that brief moment of skin-to-skin contact was enough for him though he craved more than that.

“Practice go well?”

“I kept getting the steps wrong again and the teacher scolded me.” you pouted.

Eunwoo pets your head. “Do you want to practice with me?”

He knew the dance by heart. He sometimes watched in on you and other trainees to see how you were progressing.

“Oh...No I know you're super busy preparing for your new drama. I don't want to bother you."

“You won't be,” he said. “You just need someone to fully break everything down to you.”

“Thanks. I'd really appreciate that.”

For you, Eunwoo doesn't mind doing things like this even if his schedule is going to be super busy. He can always make the time for you.

Eunwoo took you to your favorite cafe, down the street from the company's building. Instead of you ordering for yourself, Eunwoo orders for you, knowing your drink combo by heart.

You never had any real friends growing up, even with the other trainees you've been with for almost a year, you still weren't sure if you could consider them friends. But with Eunwoo, you consider him to be your best friend. You and he did the things best friends do, talk in the way best friends do, send TikTok videos back and forth, with “Lol this reminds me of you.” or “This is so us.”

Eunwoo pays for your drink like he always does. And you would shove your money at him to take it. He never does. He's a good friend.

It's when you're both sitting outside the cafe, enjoying the nice weather that Eunwoo is staring at you, watching you drink from your cup. He's staring so long that you become a little insecure.

You choke on a laugh asking, “W-Why are you staring?”

“Staring?” Eunwoo's thick dark brown cock's up.

“Yeah...At me.”

“I'm not starting.”

“You're doing it now.”

“I'm not.” Then he looks away down at his drink while folding the corners of a white paper napkin that's under his cup. “You, um... You look really pretty today.”

You laughed. He expected that. Your voice carries with the slight breeze that pushes by. “I'm not.” You said. “And after sweating all day, I'm surprised you don't think I smell.”

You raise your arm to get a whiff of yourself. Not so bad.

Eunwoo lets himself look at you. But don't full-blown stare at you. He tries to focus on the small things on you; like the yellow mustard stain on the front of your baby blue crop top that you tried your hardest to clean after lunch, then he looks at the lavender scrunchie on your wrist that he gave you back in April, you always wore it as good luck. He looks at the baby hairs on your arm. Then lastly, at the scar on your chin, you had gotten when you were five from your older cousin.

“Even after practice, you're still pretty,” he said.

Now that you think about it. This was Eunwoo's first time calling you pretty and you weren't sure why that coming from him made you feel like you were dancing on your tippy toes.

“You never called me pretty before.”

But he has a billion times in his head.

“Y/n, just accept my compliment.” he smiles. Of course he wanted to move along with the whole pretty thing because damn he wouldn't be able to explain why he thought you were pretty.

Or maybe he could. Or maybe he couldn't.

If someone were to ask him to name the five things he thought were pretty about you, he'd say, “Five isn't enough.”

“Why am I suddenly pretty?” You pressed him playfully.

Eunwoo rips the corner of the napkin under his drink, balls it in a tiny ball, and throws it at your face.

“Did I say pretty?”

“You did.”

“Hmm, I think you misheard me.”

“I didn't.”

“I think you did.” he laughs.

“Why are you denying it now?”

“Denying what?”

“That you called me pretty?”

“Did I call you pretty?”

“Eunwoo, stop messing with me,” you whined.

He winks at you getting up from the table and grabbing his cup and napkin. “I always thought you were pretty. I just never dared to actually say it out loud.” he walks away from the table.

You hop up grabbing your cup as you rush alongside Eunwoo. Slapping your hand out over his forehead, you checked for a fever.

“No fever,” you mumbled. Your hand fell away. “Do friends usually find their friends pretty?”

“Yeah, all the time,” Eunwoo said.

Yeah, but calling your friend pretty while you were in love with them was a different kind of pretty.

“Oh,” you said. You threw your cup in a trash can and so did Eunwoo.

“I think you're just as pretty.”

Eunwoo's face warms up. “D–Don't say that.”

“It's true though. Like your visuals are killer.” You gushed over him and damn, that made him want to stop walking and kiss you.

The walk back to the company was short. Your day wasn't over yet since you had vocal practice in the evening that lasted way later than you wanted to. You and Eunwoo linger in the company's lobby for a few minutes, just talking.

“I want to tell you something before you go,” Eunwoo said.

“Oh, What is it?”

Eunwoo looks around at the few people walking through the lobby, he grabs your hand pulling you to a more private area without listening ears. His heart beats a little faster. His hands get a little sweaty. His words are a little stuck now.

“I like being your friend.”

“Eunowoo, I like being your friend too!” you smiled up at him. And that man could have melted in his shoes.

“Being friends is nice, but I don't think I want to be friends anymore,” he said quietly.

“Did I do something wrong?” There's a creak in your voice.

Eunwoo cups your face with his warm hands that burn at your cheeks. “Of course not, Y/n.”

“Then why don't you wanna be friends anymore?”

“Because....” he paused. “I want something more with you than just a friendship.”

“What do you mean?”

Eunwoo playfully rolled his eyes. “I want us to be together.”

“We're together now.”

He laughs. “No, like I want us to be together together.”

“As in....” You trailed off.

“Boyfriend and girlfriend.”

“Ooooh like that.” you smiled warmly.

“Yeah. Like that,” he said. “I've always been in love with you.” it's the way he says it that felt like a soft landing.

“You have?”

You nod. “Yeah.”

“Since when?”

“The first time you smiled and said hello to me.”

Falling in love with you had been easy. You made it easy for him without even knowing it.

“Oh, god, not that time when I had a milk mustache.” You made a funny face that made Eunwoo laugh.

“Yeah, that time.” That was his favorite little memory of you.

You took Eunwoo by surprise when you stood on your tippy toes and kissed him. Your kiss felt like heaven, like it was the sweetest thing, your lips perfect against his, and he could kiss you every day for hours, if that's even possible.

He kissed you back, his lips moving with urgency, like if he didn't kiss you enough or make it deeper enough you would just disappear. You feel his lips pulled into a smile.

“I love you, Y/n.”

[chaotic-mystery]

140 Characters Or Less | J.M.

Pairing || Joel Miller x f!reader

Summary || This is part two to this and I’m so excited to share it with you all. Joel asks you to help him sign up for Twitter after that night he called you to get you off like the pervy neighbor he is. It’s just Twitter, right?

Warnings: SMUT 18+ ONLY! Minors dni! Reader watches porn, (wxw & wxm) age gap (not specified but Joel is well older than reader.) dirty talk, joel being a perv, reader is a perv, masturbation with an audience of one, pet names (slut, baby doll, good girl, shit like that.) mentions of choking, spanking, joel is made aware of your burner account on twitter you use to watch porn, talking you through it. || Word count: 3.3k

Showing Joel how to use twitter wasn’t on your bingo card for the year but he insisted he should keep up with his favorite football team and players. When you jokingly offered to help set up his account you didn’t think he’d take you up on that offer but here you were sitting at his kitchen table with your laptop, trying to sign him up. “Joel, do you need me to write down your username and password in case you forget?” Your eyes looked up at Joel who had one hand on the back of your seat while he leaned over you, his other hand resting on the table. He was staring hard at the screen as he thought about it before answering, “Yeah, go ahead and write it down sweet pea. Just in case I need it.” Joel looked down at you and caught you staring at him, your face warming with embarrassment. 

He chuckled softly, shaking his head while standing up straight to walk to the kitchen, rummaging through the junk drawer to find paper and a pen for you.

“You have to set your profile picture and header on your own, I can’t do that for you.” You hollered from the other room, looking up your own twitter to follow yourself before following a few of his favorite sports teams.

Joel moseyed his way back to you and his knuckles brushed against your shoulder as he placed the pen and paper in front of you. He knew what he was doing, the subtle touches here and there made your head go back to that night he called you and made you get off to his words. 

“So um- your log-in info is right here and I went ahead and followed some of your favorite teams but I don’t know if I got them all so you can do that later.” Joel looked at the following list and noticed something all the way down at the bottom. “Who’s that pretty lil thing right ‘ere?” His finger pointed to your small picture on the screen and a smirk played on his face. He knew it was you considering he was the one who took the photo that was your profile photo. It was from the barbeque Joel had at his house a few months ago. He came up and had his phone in hand, asking you to give him a smile as he pointed the camera your way. Your cheeks were stuffed with a hotdog and the corner of your mouth painted yellow from the mustard, but you looked happy and that was beautiful. 

“I’ll have you know I’m very funny on twitter, thank you! I may tweet a little too much but it’s fine, you’ll like it when I send you funny tweets.” You teased, getting up from the table as you shut your laptop to put away. Joel wanted so badly to grab your hips and pin you down on the table and kiss you until you couldn’t breathe, but neither one of you had talked about that night since it happened. Partially because you weren’t sure how to bring it up but also what if he was embarrassed and wanted to pretend like it didn’t happen? “Thanks again for doin’ that for me darlin’, couldn’t have done it withoutcha.” His arms lifted for a hug and with one movement you were engulfed by Joel, pressed tightly against his chest. You could smell the faint scent of his cologne that was wearing off by now but it was just enough to make you aware he put some on today, probably because he was seeing you.

“Alright well, if you need anything let me know. I already downloaded the app on your phone so you just have to log in. Call me if you uh-if you need me--er I mean need my help...not in that way I mean-" The words were falling out faster than you could process and shut up for two seconds to think about how to word it.

"Don't worry, I gotcha." Your eyes locked onto his as you pulled away from his hug.

Joel giving you a quick wink before he walked you to the front door, his hand on the small of your back the entire way. On your short walk down the pavement back to your house, you wondered if he was still on the front porch watching, and a tiny part of you hoped he was. By the time you got home you had already gotten three tweets sent to you from him, all stupid dad jokes.

With the sun setting and drowning your room with yellow tones, you crawled out of bed to find some food. All afternoon you and Joel sent tweets back and forth to each other until you fell asleep for a small cat nap which quickly became a two hour sleep. As you rummaged through the pantry for something to eat, your phone buzzed with another notification from Twitter. Joel. Finally you landed on cereal to eat when you grabbed the box and poured yourself a bowl, sitting down at the table to look at what he sent. Of course it was another meme but it made you laugh, something to do with evil kermit and sports. Though you didn't quite get it, you responded with a laughing face.

"Sweetheart you in here?" Your dad hollered from down the hall and you jumped, spilling some of your milk out of the bowl and scurrying to lock your phone so he couldn't see who was on the screen. "Yeah dad I'm in here eating!" You groaned at the mess on the table and went to get a paper towel from the kitchen when your dad strolled in, tossing his work stuff in the chair next to your bowl. "How are you honey?" He asked and pecked the top of your head in passing as you made your way back to the mess. "I'm okay, I uh.." you hesitated about telling him what you did for Joel today, wondering if he'd question why a man well into his adulthood needs a twitter at this point in his life. "I tried mowing the grass today but I couldn't get it to start." Of course it sounded ridiculous but your dad wouldn't question you doing something like that for him.

"Oh that damn piece of shit. I've been needing to get a new one but maybe I'll give Joel a call later and see if I can borrow his, he's got a real nice mower."

"Yeah, I mean you could do that. His lawn looks super nice, keeps up well."

Somewhere in there felt like a entendre and you almost blew it by laughing. "I'll give him a call later tonight. I got called into work so I won't be home 'til tomorrow. You gonna be okay alone?" He asks, getting a glass of water from the faucet. You would invite Joel over if it weren't for the fact your dad could come home at any time, completely unannounced. He was notorious for doing that.

"I'll be okay, just gonna lay low tonight I think." You had to make sure to not sound too eager for him to leave. Maybe you'd call Joel again and this time you'd get to be as loud as you want, show him the set of lungs you have on you.

"Alright, I gotta get going sweetheart. Love ya. Lock the front door and sweet dreams." Your dad walked over to grab his things and hugged you quickly before walking to the front door and out he went. Picking up your phone and going back to twitter, you read a funny joke you thought Joel would appreciate and wanted to send it to him. That's weird...I thought I followed him back? you thought to yourself. You couldn't find his name anywhere as you were trying to share it. Not thinking about it too much, you searched his name and found his twitter once more, clicking follow. You sent the tweet and ran your hands over your face, thinking maybe was the time to take a much needed shower now that you had some peace and quiet. Leaving your phone on the counter, you walked to the bathroom and started your water.

Joel's POV

My phone went off again, she must've sent me somethin' on twitter. It's a message from an account I don't know. Who the hell is this? I clicked the profile to see who it was and it's someone named "NightAngel". They sent me a message of a dad joke and said it sounded like the one from earlier but the only person I've been telling dad jokes to is...oh fuck. Is this her second account or somethin'? I went to the likes of her profile and sweet jesus. Did she know this was public? All of this porn? I keep scrolling to see what else she's liked and it's all filthy. Girls kissing girls, scissoring, girls getting railed from behind, choking, blowjobs, everything. there's even audios of men whimpering? Didn't know that was a thing now. I'd be lyin' if I said my cock didn't get hard just thinkin' about her in her bed getting off to this. I unzip my pants as I sit on the couch and run my thumb over the swollen head...She's such a nasty girl.

While you were showering, you were completely unaware you in fact sent Joel something from your burner account you use for porn. You dried off and got dressed, noticing you had a few missed calls from Joel and some messages. Confused and a little alarmed, you called him as quickly as possible.

The line rang for what felt like forever before he picked up, "Darlin' are you busy? Think you could uh- come help me with somethin' at the house?" He spoke slowly as if he wasn't telling you the whole truth.

You furrowed your brows and looked at yourself in the mirror in front of you for a second as you thought about what he could want you down there for. "Uh yeah I can come down and help jus' give me a second." You swore you could hear the smile on his face when he said goodbye, but there no time to waste. Quickly locking the front door behind you, you closed your jacket tighter around you, the almost gone sun making it a little cooler out. Joel was outside on the porch waiting with a hand on his hip and his knee popped out. That man has such a way of looking sexy no matter what he's doing. Slightly glistening of sweat on his biceps, his face coming into view as you walked up the porch steps. You were looking at him in confusion, waiting for him to start talking. "Is everything okay? You sounded weird on the phone." You asked and followed closely behind him into the living room, his laptop open to Twitter.

"I jus' don't know what this is and I wanna make sure it's not a bot or anything." He trailed off and sat next to you, opening his messages. You were all focused until you seen your burner account, right there on the screen. Blown up and on full brightness. Suddenly your mouth was like the desert and you forgot how to speak. Joel looked over at you from the corner of his eye to see your reaction and went straight to your likes. "They sent me a message earlier about some joke and I guess I'm jus' a little confused because," he said and scooted closer, putting his arm around you on the back of the couch, "the only person who I've been talkin' to on twitter is you." The last part of his sentence rattled throughout your entire body. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. This wasn't happening, there was no way this was happening right now. How the fuck did you even get on your burner account- your dad. He scared you so badly you must've switched profiles when he scared you and you locked your phone in a hurry.

"That's um- that's not a bot..Joel." Your voice went soft and you covered your face in embarrassment, completely warm all over with nerves. How could you be so dumb? "Don't be embarrassed bunny, it happens to us all." But it doesn't, does it? "Ya know, when I put the pieces together that it was your account, my cock got so fucking hard. You're a dirty bird, 100%. I got myself off jus' thinkin' about how you touch yourself watching these. Were these the videos you were watching that night I called you, baby doll?" He shifted in his seat and cleared his throat, his warm hand rubbing the back of your arm gingerly. The fire in your tummy was back, the same one from the other night, you knew what was happening. Sheepishly you uncovered your face, "Yeah, these were the ones. I didn't mean to send it from this I- Dad came in and scared me and I spilled my cereal-" Joel cut you off with a chuckle and your head snapped to his direction. "What's funny? I'm so embarrassed Joel oh my fucking god."

He leaned up slowly and wrapped his arm around your shoulder, pulling you into his chest. Joel's lips meet your temple and he kisses your skin in between his words, "Baby it's okay. You can either go and we can pretend like this never happened and I'll never bring it up again, or.." As soon as he said "or" your eyes shot open and your heart began racing. What did he have up his sleeve this time? "Or you can show me how you touch yourself to these. Completely up to you bunny." The last kiss after his sentence was a little rougher and a little longer than the other ones. He was making your panties flood with excitement, hanging on to every single word that came from his mouth.

Without saying anything you looked at Joel in his beautiful coffee colored eyes and grazed your bottom lip with your tongue slowly. "You really wanna see that?" He looked back at you almost like you offended him by questioning him. "Abso-fucking-lutely I do." He whispered and grabbed your face, crashing his lips against yours. It would be completely inappropriate to sit here and touch yourself for him but fuck did you want to. You pulled away from Joel's lips long enough to tell him to pick a video. Joel looked at you with low eyes and groaned lowly while he landed on the first video in your likes. A video of two girls in a bathtub, kissing at first but it quickly moved to more. Shorts hitting the floor and your panties tugged to the side, you leaned back still in Joel's arms with your fingers finding your clit that was coated in your excitement. Your soft whimpers filled his ears over the moans from the video and soon enough his eyes were watching your hand closely, pleasuring yourself watching these two girls scissoring in the bath. His eyes never once went to the screen, only on you. He wanted to see how good this made you feel, how you rubbed delicate circles over your sensitive clit.

"You're so beautiful bunny oh my god. What about this one, hm? This one make your pussy jus' tingle?" He sat up and scrolled to the one of the guy with his hands tied behind his back in a kitchen chair while the girl rides him and chokes him for dear life. "You think about doin' this to me when you watch this, pretty girl?" He stayed sitting up to watch closer and your eyes roll closed at imagining choking him and making him beg to cum. "Yes, sir I think about making you beg me to let you cum inside me. I'd pull your hair and make you hold off on cumming until you couldn't stand it, cum dripping out of me." Your body jolted and felt like you were on fire but in the best way possible. Joel was sat there practically drooling and grunting all over himself and holding back from interfering to do it himself.

The video changes again, this time to one of a POV from a girl getting eaten out in an empty elevator. Joel groaned and his eyes rolled back, covering his mouth when it started playing. You noticed and gave him a smirk. "What's the matter Mr. Miller, not into public sex?" You teased and circled your clit with the two fingers you dipped inside your entrance for slick. Your mouth agape from pleasure when suddenly Joel's tongue was dancing with yours inside your mouth. His hand squeezed your cheeks while holding your face still. "I'm startin' to think you're more of a perv than me." He moaned, clicking to the next video on the laptop, a guy sucking on this girls nipples while he spanks her and fucks her. "That's my favorite one Joel, fuck don't- don't touch it." You grunted and your leg subconsciously folded up, foot dangling in the air just a tad.

He leans back against the arm of the chair just watching in awe. The girl that drives him crazy was here on his couch telling him about her favorite porn videos. Curiosity got the best of him and he couldn't fight the burning question any longer. "Why's this your favorite, baby? Is it the way he's fuckin' her?" He guessed but he was wrong. You smirked and looked him dead in the eye as you rubbed your clit faster, "It's because he looks like you. I found this months ago and that's what I've been getting off to when I think of you- oh fuck Joel." You wailed out and felt the pressure in your tummy. Quickly his head snapped towards the screen and his mouth fell open once he noticed the guy in the video. "You aren't going anywhere, you're mine." His strong hand found your throat as he leaned back and kissed your cheek repeatedly.

"Show me how you cum when you think about me fucking you baby. Let me hear you scream, scream my fuckin' name like the good girl I know you are. Play with your sweet pretty pussy, don't stop slut."

His words mixed with the video was enough to send you well over the edge. Your legs clamped shut as well as your eyes, not a squeak coming from your mouth. It felt like the world was crashing around you, that's how hard this orgasm was hitting you. Joel grunted as he held you against him, letting your body jolt and ride out your high.

"That's a good girl. shh, it's okay, I've got you."

He held you in his arms until you felt strong enough to unfold your body and catch your breath, looking at Joel with tired eyes and a giggle followed.

"What..just happened, Joel?" Your laughs get a little louder and Joel chuckles along with you while he shut the laptop and the video ceased to make noise.

"You, my sweet girl, just showed me how you watch porn and get off." A kiss planted on your forehead as he reaches behind you to tug the blanket off the back of the couch and cover your body with it.

A soft silence filled the air as you laid back into his arms and closed your eyes only for a moment to recover and get some energy back. "You don't want me to follow you back on that account, do you? Feel like that's invadin' your space, darlin'."

"No no, definitely don't want you to follow it back." You giggle a little to make it sound a little less serious. "Just forget it ever came to your attention." Joel hummed in agreeance and said he'd delete the message, but did he?

Or did he save it for later for something bigger?

[najia-cooks]

[ID: First image shows a breaded and fried 'chicken' cutlet on a ciabatta roll; second image is of two cutlets, one of them cut open to show a stringy cross-section. End ID]

Vegan fried chicken

This gluten-free, pakoda-inspired fried 'chicken' recipe uses thinly sliced onion and chickpea flour as its base, and can be flavored to suit any recipe. The batter is breaded and then fried twice to create a crispy cutlet that's perfect for sandwiches, chicken and waffles, chicken nanban, or any other recipe that calls for fried chicken.

Recipe under the cut!

Patreon | Tip jar

Serves 4.

Ingredients:

For the chicken:

2 medium yellow onions (310g total), very thinly sliced

1 Tbsp total dried oregano, parsley, rosemary, and/or thyme

2 tsp smoked paprika

2 tsp garlic powder

2 tsp onion powder

2 tsp yellow mustard powder

2 tsp ground cumin

1 tsp ground black pepper

1 tsp ground white pepper

1/2 tsp cayenne pepper, or to taste

1 vegetarian ‘chicken’ stock cube, crumbled

1/2 tsp salt

About 2 cups besan (chickpea flour), divided

To fry:

1/2 cup all-purpose flour

1/4 cup rice flour

4 tsp potato starch (optional)

Remaining spice mix

2 Tbsp egg replacer (I used Bob's Red Mill) + 1/4 cup water

1 tsp vegetarian 'chicken' stock concentrate (optional)

For a gluten-free version, replace the flour with more rice flour and a tablespoon of cornstarch.

Instructions:

For the chicken:

1. Mix salt and all spices and herbs in a small bowl. Halve onions lengthwise (through the root), lay each half cut-side-down, and slice as thinly as possible (or use a mandolin).

2. In a large bowl, mix onions, 1 cup besan, and most of the spice mixture. Let sit for about 1 hour to allow the onions to release moisture.

3. Stir to work in released moisture. Stir in additional besan (up to 1 1/2 cup) until dough-like in texture.

To fry:

1. Fill a deep fryer or medium-sized pot with several inches of a neutral oil and heat it to 340 °F (171 °C). A chopstick placed in the oil should slowly form small bubbles around its tip.

2. Mix flour, rice flour, potato starch, and remaining spice mix in a shallow bowl or large plate.

3. Mix egg replacer, water, and stock concentrate in a shallow bowl.

4. Form onion mixture into pieces of the desired size and shape. Coat in the dry mixture, then in the wet ('egg') mixture, and then in the dry mixture again.

This will be easier if you use one hand to coat the pieces in the dry mixture, and the other to coat them in the wet mixture.

5. First deep fry. Carefully lower one chicken piece into the oil and fry without disturbing for about 3 minutes, until flour coating is lightly golden brown. Flip over and continue to fry for another 3 minutes. Use chopsticks or a slotted spatula to remove the chicken breast onto a wire cooling rack or paper-towel-lined plate.

6. Use a slotted spoon to remove any bits of batter from the oil and re-check the temperature. Repeat with each chicken piece.

7. Second deep fry. Increase the heat slightly to raise the temperature of the oil to 355 °F (179 °C). Re-fry each piece for about a minute, flipping once halfway through. Set aside.

[sgiandubh]

On popular demand: my foolproof TCND (um nope, not really, just Flemish) ham, beer and mustard savory cake

Because @sop123456778 asked me today if I had, after all, another recipe to share, and before I'll get home to my real kitchen and my real crockery and my scrumptious Torta Caprese I do bake every single Christmas, here goes another domestic gem. This time, I thought a savory recipe will do nicely. And a seasonal one, much loved and immediately devoured in my home.

Variations are endless with this one and even rotisserie chicken can be nicely recycled this way. I chose the Flemish one, because you know, TCND, huh?

You will need: 3 eggs (at room temperature - always!), 3/4 cup (150 grams) flour, 1 sachet (2 ¼ teaspoons) dry yeast, 1/4 cup (50 ml) EVOO (extra virgin olive oil), 1/2 cup (100 ml) full fat milk, 1/4 cup (50 ml) blonde beer (I'd suggest Bud Light, not Miller), 1 cup (100 grams) grated Scottish Cheddar (the stronger, the better, if you want), 1 cup (150 grams) diced smoked ham/jambon/jamón cocido (not Iberico, Serrano, lomo, etc!). Finally, 1 Tablespoon wholegrain mustard -and on this point, I insist: not Colman's and certainly not the yellow American horror. This, if you can, would be perfect:

Preheat the oven at 350 Fahrenheit (180 Celsius).

In a big bowl, whisk the eggs together with the flour and the yeast. Il will cling to your whisk, but don't despair. Add the EVOO, pouring slowly and mixing non stop, then the milk (same way), then the beer (same). You should get a sort of thin, crepe dough consistency, which is perfect. Throw in the grated cheddar, then the ham, then the mustard, mixing well after each batch. Dust with a pinch of salt.

Pour into a rectangular loaf tin (three drops olive oil and then dusted with a bit of flour or a sling of parchment paper would make sure your cake won't stick). Add more grated cheddar on top and be brave and liberal with it. Cheese is life.

Bake for 45 minutes, or until golden brown and the proverbial toothpick in the center comes out completely clean. Transfer immediately on a wire, let cool completely, cut and eat and be merry.

It should look like this, more or less:

[saintbleeding]

[ID: Four digital drawings of Martin Blackwood, a fat white man with freckles, ginger hair, and round-framed glasses. The first shows him from the waist up, standing against a wall that shows his height of 5’6”, and he is posing as though for a mug shot. The paper in his hands says “Peter Lukas is a punk bitch”. The second shows him reclining on a bench seat dressed in boxers and a silk robe which is slipping off his shoulder. There is a lollipop in his hand and he smirks off to the side. The third shows him sitting on a chaise in a collared shirt, tie, and suit trousers. His skin looks pale and his hair has dulled to a medium brown. In the last, he is shown from the shoulders up, laughing as he holds a red pen between his thumb and forefinger. The background of the image is mustard yellow with lighter scribbles surrounding each drawing. End ID.]

1) martin blackwood is fat n sexy n these two qualities are inextricably linked

2) yes these are all reffed from harvey guillén’s modelling shots thanks for asking xoxo