#my bedtime is at 6 am so i will at least go to bed by then SDSDGSDG hopefully...

[autogeneity]

attempting going to bed at 9pm (or earlier! technically. for falling asleep time) feels so ridiculous. like some sort of joke. and yet. purportedly this is what getting up at 5am would demand. is this really something people do wtf

[yangjeongin]

Its 1am for me and I really want to gif some stuff, but its stressful. Maybe you should sleep since its 4am for u.

if there's anything i can help with that you're stressed over!! let me know 🥺🫶 always important to remember that giffing is supposed to be fun tho so if it's stressing you out too much taking a break might be a good idea. and yes....u make a good point,,, i will probably go to sleep Soon

[toastsnaffler]

I have to be up for work in 3 hours and I'm gonna be real I think ive hit the point where I might not be getting any sleep at all. for fucks sake.

[unforth]

I had a day off yesterday.

And I can already practically hear the assumptions that such a statement is prompting the reader to make. Those assumptions are wrong. I don't mean I didn't work. I did, for about 8 hours. That's not at all what I mean.

I mean my wife took the kids out at 9:30, spent the night with her mom, isn't back yet the next morning.

There are things I NEED people on this website to understand about parenting. And I've talked about it before, and I'll talk about it again, because honestly the way that Tumblr as a cohort talks about parents makes me sick. Multiple polls have shown that only about 2% of people on here are parents. We're a huge minority, and we're constantly talked over, ignored, or accused of being bad parents (like, personally, I have had people reply to my comments or come on to my posts and tell me I shouldn't have my kids). In my case, being a parent means I'm almost 41, I'm married to @ramblingandpie, and our children are inching up on being 8 and 6 years old.

My entire day, and therefore my entire life, revolves around them. I'm up most mornings at 5 AM, because that's the earliest they're "allowed" to wake up, and so my brain just defaults to being awake around then - better to wake up before them, at least then I get a few minutes in the morning. Between 5 and 7, I sit with them, do my social media, work on side blogs, study Chinese. Then it's helping them get ready for school, then my wife or I or both get them on the bus, and then I work until the last possible minute, which is either when I need to go pick them up for an after school activity or when I need to go down and meet them off the bus. My afternoons are after school activities, chores such as washing the dishes and cleaning up toys, talking with them, working with them, playing with them. Their bedtime starts at 7:40, and my son gets scared if I leave before he falls asleep so I sit with him until about 8:15. As soon as he's asleep, I go fall on my face, sleep as best I can, then wake up and do it again. Overnight, it's hard to sleep deeply, because about once a week someone will wake up in the middle of the night and need help. That could be as minimal as a hug or as complex as having to completely change the bedding on a bunk bed at 2 AM while also comforting a child who is afraid they'll be in trouble, or afraid they're sick, or afraid of their nightmare, or, or, or. Further, if a child is awake, there is always noise. I usually study Chinese with two or more competing sources of noise. I read the same way. My life is loud, and active, and consists of constant interruptions.

I adore my family, and I love my children, but this is terrible for me.

I do all of this as an neurodivergent introvert. My clinical depression is at least medicated, mostly because post-partum depression after I gave birth the first time nearly drove me to suicidal in under a week (we were expecting this and were prepared, fortunately, getting help was as simple as a phone call). The constant noise and interruptions and forced socialibility are about the worst combination of home-life I could be subjected to. I spend far too many early mornings just breathing deeply and gearing myself up to be subjected to the wall of Loud, Boisterous, Needing-My-Attention that is every minute when anyone else in the house is awake.

So what did my day off look like?

I helped get the kids ready to go and did some morning chores. I'd been up at 4:30 AM so I also had already social media'd and studied. Then, while my wife finished the preparations, I started work, and I worked from about 8 am to about 4 pm, straight. I didn't get hungry so didn't bother stopping for lunch. No one interrupted me, no one asked me to look at anything they'd built, no one broke my concentration, no sounds could be heard except those I'd chosen myself.

I'd been out the day before at a local shopping street and listened closely to the things the kids said they wanted, so at 4 I grabbed a couple orders I needed to ship for work and drove to our local downtown, dropped the orders in a post box, then went back to the shops and did some Christmas shopping in the 45 minutes or so before everything closed. I think I'm basically done with what we'll get them - other bigger things will be left to grand parents - so that's a load off, I literally had a stress dream earlier this week about it being 12/24 and having forgotten to do the shopping and having to go to (oh horrors) the mall on the day before Christmas. (Reminder: I'm a Jewish atheist. It's just virtually impossible not to Holiday in the Culturally Christian Hellscape that is the US. Also, my wife is Christian. So.) Found something cute for my wife, too, even tho I already know the main thing I'm getting her. Then, I realized - one of my favorite restaurants is on that block. So. I went there. I sat by myself at a table, only the indistinct restaurant hubbub around me. I read four or five chapters of my book, and ate a savory crepe, and drank lovely fruit tea, and got a scone to-go that I'll eat for lunch today. It was more than I probably should have spent on myself - about $25, including tip - but fuck it. I only get maybe a handful of days off all year, and I'm allowed to indulge a little.

Then I came home. There were no lights on. There was no noise. I had considered doing some more merch work while watching TV on the actual television (my kids are too young for subtitled shows, so usually if I want to watch My Shows I either have to do it on my computer when they're not around, or put them on and read all the subtitles aloud while trying to keep up and process the actual meaning of what I'm reading). But when I got back, the quiet and dark was so goddamn NICE that instead I curled up on the couch and read more of my book. I did that until bedtime - still about 8:15, because I'm exhausted. Then...I went to bed. And I slept long and deep, knowing that there was no chance I'd be interrupted and woken up, I didn't have to be, even in sleep, alert to every noise and possibility that I'd be needed.

I'm still exhausted and burned out, but even one night to myself felt really, really nice.

Saying "Tumblr does X" as a universal statement is doomed to failure, but generally speaking, the parenting posts I see on Tumblr, the ones with tens or hundreds of thousands of notes, speak what's apparently widely seen as a truism on here: that unless someone wants to spend 24/7 with their kids, to be 100% emotionally available at all times, is always kind and patient and perfect, they are a bad parent, maybe even abusive. I remember when covid started, there were multiple posts actively mocking the "oh god, my kids are now home all the time, how am I supposed to do this?" attitude that a lot of parents posted in despair. WhY dId YoU hAvE kIdS iF yOu DoN't WaNt To SpEnD tImE wItH tHeM?

Look at what my usual day looks like.

Look at what my day off looked like.

Do you really think I don't want to spend time with my kids? Do you really think I don't love my kids?

But I'm not a fucking MACHINE. I'm a PERSON. That's what people on Tumblr seem to forget. PARENTS ARE PEOPLE. The same tumblrinas who post ~uwu be kind to yourself rest if you need to, you should forgive yourself for that mistake you made~ will turn around, with zero sense of irony, and post "you're a bad parent if you ever raise your voice around a child."

Expecting parents to be perfect means expecting parents to be inhuman. It also means that a parent can't be poor (can't spend all your time being the perfect parent if you have to work multiple jobs or weird hours!), can't be introverted (can't be a perfect parent if you're not completely emotional available, god forbid socializing is exhausting for you), can't be on the ADHD or autism spectrum (what do you mean you forgot to get your kid to a doctor's appointment once? what do you mean over-stimulation can make you angry? how dare you get angry at a kid!), can't be depressed (gotta get out of bed every single day, gotta always be upbeat, patient, happy, or else that's Evil), can't be (like my wife) physically disabled (what do you mean your hands hurt too much to hold a child's hand? are you denying them touch?? CRUEL). And when the only answer you can offer to that is, "if you can't be that perfect you shouldn't be a parent," then you're saying people who aren't middle class to wealthy, people who aren't neurotypical, people who aren't physically able, shouldn't have children.

And honestly...what the fuck is your problem?

I'm not perfect. I tell my kids to just leave me alone sometimes. I raise my voice, especially when one of my kids starts punching the other, but also sometimes just cause I'm exhausted and Can't Anymore. I've forgotten an appointment by accident and felt like a total fucking idiot, and I've skipped an after school activity because I just wasn't up for taking them. I've served them more unbalanced, unhealthy meals than I can count. I've made many, many mistakes, but I've also done my best, and I love my kids, and I hope that when they grow up, they'll still love me even as they recognize that I wasn't perfect, just as I've come to accept my own parents' short-comings while still loving them very much. They're people, too, and the older I get, the more I understand where they were coming from.

When I fuck up, I apologize.

When they tell me they're unhappy with something I've done, I apologize, and I try to do better. Sometimes I even succeed.

This shit is hard, yo. And it's getting harder every year.

I'm BEGGING Tumblr: you need to start seeing parents as people. The way y'all talk about parenting on here is toxic, and genuinely harmful, and frankly exhausting. You have no idea what the reality of raising kids is like, and you need to shut the entire fuck up.

I had a day off yesterday.

I might get one more before the end of 2023.

I already can't wait. I am so, so, so tired. sigh

(if you actually read this whole rant and even a single word of it resonated for you, please reblog it. I'm tired of never seeing positive posts about parenting while I see negative ones with a bajillion notes.)

[justphilia]

Rating Dungeon Meshi Characters Based on How Well They Can Take Care of Me When I'm Sick

Scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the best. Precaution I have bias for women.

Laios - 7/10 He'll definitely try his best, but he's not very good at it. Achieves the bare minimum of keeping me fed and making sure I take my meds, but most of the time he wouldn't really know what to do to help more. As I drift in and out of consciousness, I see him staring at me with his autism eyes through the gap of my door.

Falin - 9/10 Practically my bedside nurse. Checks my temperature every so often, makes sure to keep my forehead cool. She makes it possible for me to be glad I'm sick, though I am not sure if she knows how to cook. Fortunately, too ill to gaf. Also it's Falin.

Marcille - 9/10 She will think I am dying and because of this she's desperate to help me recover. Heh. I love the attention. But I think. I THINK. she may not know what she is doing about a quarter of the time. She'll read the instructions on my meds like 5 times before giving it to me. She'll research what kind of foods is good for speedy recovery. She'll forget to wring the cold rag before putting it on my head, and every time I fall asleep she thinks I passed away.

Chilchuck - 6/10 Like my dad. "Don't forget to take your meds." Feeds me porridge for lunch and dinner. I don't see his face like the whole day, but I'll be unsure if it's because he's purposely checking in on me when I'm knocked out or he just doesn't want to bother me at all. I can't ask, because he wouldn't answer honestly (he's embarrassed).

Senshi - 8/10 I feel like he's gonna be like my mom and feed me herbal medicine and home remedies. My recovery will be slightly slower, but I'll recover. I will be eating soooo good, 'cause he'll definitely put a spin on every meal meant to help me recover. He sits by my bedside and does his own thang while I sleep, or talk about what he put in my food as like a bedtime story. When he goes to the toilet, I cry.

Toshiro (without his retainers [not including Izutsumi]) - 4/10 Porridge is simple enough to make, I think he is capable of that at the very least. I think he'd make sure I drink enough water, and will ask if I've taken my meds yet. But that's all his efforts and capabilities. I wouldn't blame him. He wears a mask when he enters my room.

Toshiro (with his retainers) - 9/10 Maizuru alone bumped the score by three points because she'll make sure to help Toshiro keep me well fed. But because she's only helping me for Toshiro, she wouldn't go all out with the care. It's okay, their company is enough. I will most likely think I died and went to heaven. They all are wearing masks under Maizuru's order—don't want them catching it and spreading it to Toshiro.

Izutsumi - 2/10 It may be over for me. But if she sleeps at the foot of my bed the entire time and gets me packaged food and water when I ask, I'll live.

Namari - 8/10 Idk. Like! Idk! I think she's gonna be like Laios about it, like she really tries her best, but she's unsure. She's like a combo of Laios and Chilchuck—she can make me food and make sure I take my meds, but I would hardly see her throughout the day. Sometimes she'll come in and ask if I need anything, and if I ask her to stay she'll linger at the doorway then step inside. When I wake up, she may be gone.

Kabru - 7/10 I kinda...don't want him here.....like....I like his face and everything, but I feel. scared. at the thought of being sick and him taking care of me. Might be the blue eyes. Nevertheless, he's able to make sure I don't get worse. He can cook and will help me take my meds, put a cool rag over my forehead, and keep me company until I fall asleep. "I guess you owe me one!" he'll laugh lightly as my fever-fried brain stares at him, and I won't know if he's serious until he tells me so.

Mithrun - 1/10 I am Gone but also he's very attractive so I think I'll die happy.

[gowns]

lately i have been

watching movies

reading books

practicing piano

taking long walks

being more methodical with my bedtime routine**

writing and outlining more regularly

and just generally repairing my attention span*. it's possible

the trick is to look for stretches of time where you can get it. i don't know how else to describe it tbh. and it sounds like nonsensical common sense. i guess it's like... find the tiniest stretches of time where you can't do anything else, and those are the times when you can be on your phone.

e.g. say i'm waiting for coffee to boil, about 1-2 minutes. i can't practice piano in that time, but i can check my email or instagram or whatever. but then, let's say i look at the clock, and there's nothing in particular to do for the next 20 minutes... well surely, i can practice a two page piano piece in that time. or at the very least do some scales or chords. or let's say i've just been tapping away at my work on my computer for an hour or two, it's a good time to get up and take a walk outside, or switch to paper (reading / writing). haha i know this is advice we've all heard before.

i guess like, one of my main downfalls is repeatedly checking my phone because i think a magic email or text will arrive. eventually i had to come to terms with the fact that this magic message will never arrive. and if i do have an important message, chances are i can answer it around 9am or 2pm, something like that. and if i'm checking my phone at 11pm what can i actually do about it? am i even in my right mind to do something about it?

--

*ed. note - yes i have read the things critical of the concept of "attention span" and well even if it's a fake concept let's say i struggle from a lack of this fake concept, shall we say... pathologically so...

**methodical bedtime routine: 9-10pm is ME TIME underlined three times, this is the time to watch something on TV, fuck around online, read a book, eat a popsicle, whatever. don't half ass the "me time," really go for it. if i'm half-working half-relaxing then i don't feel all the way relaxed, then i'm tempted to "steal" time back for myself post 11pm when i should be in bed.

anyway, sometime between 10-10:30pm: shower or bath, take melatonin if no sleep the night before, use water pick floss, wash face, moisturize, pajamas, drink water, brush teeth with nha toothpaste, duolingo, write in journal (if i have energy) / read book (if i have lower energy) / get in a last gasp of mindless scrolling if my energy is in the negative. last steps: turn on jazz in the rain playlist*** with a sleep timer of 30 minutes, turn off light

***somehow i pavlov-ed myself with this playlist and 5 out of 6 nights this will put me right to sleep like a bird with a blanket on its cage

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - KISSES galore

Jan 20232 Wk 2

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs. Organized by which ones (in each category) I’m enjoying most.

Ongoing Series - Thai

My School President (Fri YT) 6 of 10 - The mutual squealing and kicking and rolling over in bed was v cute. Tiw might actually be the greatest BL wingman of all time, yes better than Namgoong. Friend zone? Cute GMMTV, very cute. Elevator kiss, on the other hand = you little shits. Also, I’m mad you made me watch the MV because there was no way to skip through it without missing stuff. Tricky bastards. GMMTV = cute, shitty, & tricky all in one ep. Guess that’s why they’re the top of the Thai BL food chain. 

Never Let Me Go (Tues YT) 5 of 12 - We knew that this pair kisses really well, but for the characters that was a pretty stellar first kiss. I liked that we got to see Palm really want something for a change. Up until now, he’s been a pretty passive character, constantly told what to do by others, this is the first independent choice his character actually makes in this narrative. Meanwhile the action part of the bodyguard plot has begun, which makes me happy. Let the forced proximity cohabitation trope commence! With probably at least one running through the woods holding hands to come.

Between Us (Sun iQIYI) 9 of 12 - Basically a filler ep with in-your-face backstory we already sussed. Prem is doing a good job tho. WATCH ALONG HERE.

609 Bedtime Story (Fri WeTV) 8 of 11 - There was no GamesVee. I’m sad. 

Cutie Pie 2 You (special) 2 of 4 - Awwwww, how sweet they tried to give it a plot. Operative word being: tried. 

I Will Knock You (Fri Gaga) 9 of 12 - Stuff in tents. Lots of cringing blushing maiden bullshit. Noey = v bold and into public claiming. I’m not wild about this one. 

Remember Me (Sun Gaga) 14fin - Honestly, they were branded pairs so we knew ManTitle were goona kiss, but I kinda wish they hadn’t bothered. These characters just didn’t work for me as a couple. Marriage equality stinger* on this puppy. Still, what a slog. I’m only binging stuff from this studio henceforth. (Next one: Buddy Line Y Animal). Whatever. Frankly that’s my review of the show: whatever. 5/10 

* I do like that this drama teased a marriage and then intentionally never gave us that marriage on screen. For all romance genre fans, this would've felt like a slap in the face. Instead they put in a stinger that essentially said “if you want a marriage scene between men, legalize marriage in Thailand, you fuckers.” And ya know, I’m here for that. 

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

The New Employee (Korea Weds Viki) 4 of 8 - Ooo first date. Omg they are SO CUTE. There was a lot of squealing and flapping of hands on this side of the screen with the show. Also two out gay boys! Korea how far you have come in just a few short years! If adorable our baby boy’s 2 fag hags don’t get together by the end of this show, I will be a touch disappointed. (It has to be said. I’m not expecting it because this is still Korea doesn’t do sides in BL. But hope springs eternal.) Meanwhile, I like that there was actual desire expressed with these two. This is definitely one of the gayest BLs to have come out of Korea in recent years. If you’re confused like I was, that pen has the initial of baby’s ex crush from uni on it. 

HIStory 5: Love in the Future (Taiwan Weds Viki) 3 of 10 (or 6 of 20) - Classic that Taiwan has finally given us a femme character in a BL and he is predatory & evil. The secondary couple is the most adorable thing, I even forgive them a pratfall kiss, because there was a 3 piece suit involved. I am starting to like the main couple a little bit more, mostly because of the rich kid character. I love domesticity, and Taiwan always does it so well. The main character time traveler whatever remains a bit annoying, I prefer a sunshine archetype that is not intentionally naïve to the point of stupidity. Still, I’m invested. This is classic HIStory franchise. 

Candy Color Paradox AKA Ameiro Paradox (Japan Fri Gaga) 4 of 8 - It’s a bit too much second hand embarrassment and cringe for me. I hope Japan someday gives us a BL like Eternal Yesterday, where both characters are cool and no one dies. Incidentally, if you’re playing a game of spot that BL actor, the one playing the “actor character” is Izuka Kenta  (from The Novelist and Absolute BL2). WE LOVE HIM. 

The Director Who Buys Me Dinner (Korea Weds iQIYI) 9-10fin - I honestly don’t know how I feel about this one. It was more of a red thread fated mates who are fated to repeat the mistakes of the past. Shall we call it faded mates?  And I’m not sure, even though the ending is somewhat optimistic, that I am actually optimistic about it or them as a couple. So I wouldn’t call it HEA. 

Final review? Featuring a gorgeous & stellar cast, TDWBMD should have utilized them less for melodrama and more for chemistry. This BL is a unique twist on an office romance if NOT a unique twist on a doomed red thread trope, resulting in it feeling less than the sum of its parts and ultimately unsatisfying. Possibly this had to do with the fact that this was one of those KBLs where I felt how short it was the whole time, like I was missing something constantly, in every episode. No HEA. Worth watching for some but seriously flawed. 6/10

It’s Airing But I’m Not Watching It

The Star Always Follow You (Vietnam YT) - same Team RL peeps we have seen before (Sunshine, Stupid)

GMMTV’s Midnight series - first segment has begun bit it’s not the EarthMix messy gays. I’m so not interested in messy hets, so I’m waiting until they grace my screen. Moonlight Chicken (Weds YT) 1 of 8 eventually.  

Gossip

I’m gonna hold off on The Warp Effect and binge it later, after I know for sure if the BL couple makes it. 

I will be taking everyone‘s advice and not watching Till the World Ends sorry not sorry. Protecting my squishy center (also I HATE xmas carols.) 

In Case You Missed It

I posted a meta of all my 2022 wraps, top picks, industry stats, etc..

I ALSO posted the 2023 forthcoming BL master post.

Coffee Shop shorts series with the adorable couple from Ghost Host, Ghost House have a WONDERFUL new installment with "BLACK COCONUT". You should watch it. Also... try the drink. 

Love Bill (Vietnam Sat YT) starring Bah Vinh ended its run and IT’S SAD. I am so glad I waiting because now I’m not gonna watch it. So there. 

Adorable KGL Girlfriend Project, basically a very short lesbian version of Love Class. It’s cute. 

Next Week Looks Like This:

Jan 19: Individual Circumstances (Korea Thurs Viki) 8 eps - A reunion romance between a movie director who was once promising and a writer who disappeared due to past wounds. Stars JunQ (main rapper of 2nd gen group MYNAME) and Han Jung Wan (Mr International Korea winner).

2023 forthcoming BL here

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

The LOOK in his eyes. I really hope we get more than crumbs from Satang Kittiphop in the future. 

Also, that outfit, definitely an instrument of hope. (Mark is going to be in Moonlight Chicken, Cooking Crush, Last Twilight, & Only Friends this year. Apparently GMMTV’s directors like him a lot. So ALL the hope. Plus more sweater vests without shirts, please and thank you.) 

Relatable. 

FINALLY! (all are My School President, it was a GREAT ep this week) 

(last week)

Current Kpop earworm? Well Monsta X released a new single, Beautiful Liar, so yeah, THAT! 

[lightkrets312]

Ok so, I've decided to set rules for myself because I'm a dumbass a simple fuck who lives by the path of least resistance.

I currently have no bedtime and a hard limit of two monsters a day, and if left unhindered I will stay up until 6:00 in the morning and chug two monsters to get through the day. Currently this is a horrendous way to live; my alarm start going off at 1:00 p.m. and I have to be out of the door by 2:00, and I have gotten to a level of sleep deprivation where I start to feel mild vertigo whenever I lay down.

(Nevermind the fact that 2 monsters a day costs way too much to sustain and whatever the fuck it's doing to my heart at this rate. If I had a dollar, yaknow.)

So the new rules are:

If I want to get a second can of Monster I have to be off the computer and in bed by my bedtime; on a normal day this is 3:00 optimistically and 4:00 as a hard limit.

If I am on the computer past that I can only have one can of Monster.

If I am on my phone for more than 30 minutes once I get in bed I can only have an extra half a can.

Considering my brain abides by restrictions pretty well (this is how I've made it to 25), the theory is this will actually work out nicely. In practice however, today has turned out too chaotic, and I do need the extra caffeine boost.

So I have added a new rule:

If I absolutely must have a second round of caffeine, I have to find the nastiest flavor of 5-Hour Energy shot and slam it immediately.

All of this is to say I just skipped over to a gas station during my break and slammed a watermelon shot cause I went to bed at 5:30 last night 🤘✌️

[bonniesbowtie]

“Just stop talking, you silly”

Her head was gently resting on his chest. He wrapped his right hand around her neck and some of her back, next to her shoulders. It was soft. It was light.

Mike was the first to wake up and, the moment he realized he was hugging her, he restrained himself. “Oh my– “ he thought, as he blushed a little and tried to recompose himself. Vanessa was still sleeping, as anyone at 6 am of a Sunday would be or, at least, anyone whose sleeping habits weren’t heavily affected by the memories of your little brother being kidnapped.

They had fallen asleep while watching a corny comedy show the night before. Of course, the blanket-sharing sleepover wasn’t planned; they were just friends, that is, if taking care of someone you’ve known for 2 weeks in your own house could be qualified as such.

The early sunset orange reflected in Vanessa’s blond hair as if God had painted it just to match her strands. Mike couldn’t help but admire it for solid 3 seconds while he tried to put a pillow under her head and, at the same time, not to wake her up so she wouldn’t notice the position they were in. What would she think?

Thankfully, Abby’s bedtime is around 9 pm, and their comedy night had only started after 11 pm, when she was already dreaming about being a princess or whatever kids her age dream about. And, also fortunately, children aren’t very fond of arousing as soon as the day starts. They were alone, at least for some time.

Unfortunately, Mike wasn’t very successful at his task, and ended up waking the former officer up. “Hmmm…” — Vanessa murmurs as she slowly scrubs her eyes, barely awake. As soon as she processes what happened, she gets up and recomposes herself as if her head — and body — were never there.

Mike sees that she basically had the same reaction as him. “Hey, it’s okay” he says as he gently smiles as if he were saying “you can do this whenever you want to”, but Vanessa is too flushed to even look at him. “I don’t even remember falling asleep, I guess these pills I’m taking weren’t lying about the sleepy symptoms, sorry” she tries to explain herself, although she is still kind of flushed for using him as a headrest.

“Don’t worry. It’s still early in the morning, you can keep on sleeping… o-on the bed by the way if you want to” he middle-phrase realizes the possible double interpretation what he just said could have as she raise a little of her left eyebrow and laughs at him. “I mean there’s no problem if you don’t wan’t to go there I’m just saying because of the comfort but—“ he is surprised with Vanessa resting her face on his chest again and hugging him tighter. He paralyzes for 1 second and, as his cheeks go completely red, his lips are touched by white, soft hands, in a “shhh” way. “Just stop talking, you silly.”

[…]

Hey, guys! I’ve been working on a fanfic, here’s the link on ao3 if anyone wants, it already has two chapters

[yourgamemasterthewhiterabbit]

I have reached the point of "regular sleep" where the insomnia hours have completely devoured my original sleeping time. I lay there relaxing for hours on end until it's nearly 5am and I have to get up, then I need to be awake from 5 until at least 10 so I can run errands safely, and then I can only sleep from about 10am until 2 pm...

That's 4 hours out of 24, with chronic fatigue

And yet sleeping that little doesn't help me fall asleep any faster the next night.

And that's the ongoing problem.

I am exhausted so I sleep

My brain forms and breaks patterns at a single repetition so I sleep at the same time the next day

This keeps up for a week of okay sleep

I start experiencing really wild dreams or worse depending on how long I push myself to stay on this existing schedule and not just nap when I am tired or get the sudden overwhelming sleepies

This escalated until insomnia and alertness completely overtakes the times of day my brain had JUST decided it wanted to be sleeping

This happens twice as fast when I am trying to sleep at night rather than during the day

No matter how many migraines I force myself awake through to sleep at bedtime, once it gets to bedtime I am so awake and alert I cannot physically sleep even if I take melatonin or sleeping pills, or both and lay there thinking calm thoughts, even for 10 hours

I get so exhausted I just let my body sleep whenever it wants and the cycle starts again

The only alternative I have ever had is just sleep when I get sleepy, which can be for up to 16 hours a day.

The problem is that tends to be during the day. It has been that way since I was a literal baby. My mothers tells me stories about me being so sleepy all day I'd fall asleep in my food and being awake all night cooing quietly to myself on the baby monitor. She tells me stories about me being a toddler and getting up in the middle of the night to play.

So now, my options are:

Try to force myself to stay awake all day and hope that means I can sleep tonight at 6 pm, which looks doubtful and will give me a migraine while I have no advil left in the house, and which will perpetuate the increasing night terrors, sleep paralysis and waking-up/falling asleep hallucinations problem... OR

Let myself sleep during the 4 hours my brain will let me and then continue this cycle of only sleeping 4 hours a day and being too exhausted to do anything.

Caffeine hasn't been helping, not even having both tea and coke right before my 10 am nap time. All it does is focus me, which -if I am already tired- just helps me fall asleep. Caffeine before my bedtime doesn't help because the problem is already that I feel too alert...

Complicating this is the fact that Pumpkin is DEAD SET on screaming every 3 hours for food and will not fucking quit it even when we are on a regular schedule. So on the off chance I don't wake up on my own after useless intervals, he does it.

I just want to sleep at night during regular times and wake up feeling rested. That is all I want. That is all I have ever wanted, but people keep acting like my irregular sleeping patterns are a choice or a product of me not trying hard enough.

My last option is go to bed now and ride the sleepiness all day and night if I can and maybe finally wake up at 3am tomorrow, but the problem is that requires skipping meals. Also Pumpkin will scream the entire time because he won't just eat the food that's already in his dish.

Failing all that, I let my schedule flip and be nocturnal.

The problem with that is then I can't clean or organize anything because that would be making noise at night. My neighbours are okay blasting dance music till midnight, but if I make noise cleaning they will try to report me.

Maybe if I keep myself warm, keep sipping hot drinks and eating a lot, and keep myself moving periodically and watching something, I can stay awake without a splitting headache and continue the regular sleep experiment.

[persephoneflowerpetals]

Why don't you describe or write more about their routine (Hades and Persephone)?

I like to read your ideas and use them as a basis for inspiration to make a comic of the two of them in the future

I really like your blog/work ✌️

Omg this was my legit reaction when I got your ask:

LOL but fr thank you so much! I’m honestly so glad you and so many others enjoy hearing my thoughts and ramblings and reading my fics and whatnot! It makes me so so sooooo happy that other people can enjoy my self indulgent postings and stuff with me! I also love that you and many others get inspired by my headcanons and like them so much that you guys use them for comics and role plays and fanfictions! It makes my heart so happy and honestly it inspires me to follow my dreams of being an actress/voice actress (helping create and flesh out a character with acting lol) or even an author writing books for different media franchises like Disney and video games and stuff lol!

Anyways, enough of me going on and on lol! I’d love to talk about Hades and Persephone’s daily routine! I’ll make a little schedule layout of what a regular day is like for them:

Hades:

6:00 AM - Wake up/eat breakfast

7:00 AM - Start daily underworld work (organizing new arrivals, signing important scrolls, etc.)

12:00 PM - Lunch break

1:30 PM - Daily update meeting with Pain & Panic

2:00 PM - Cont. underworld work

5:00 PM - Plan evil schemes/schmooze with current or potential allies/chill out on the underworld throne (only if most of the important underworld work has been taken care of)

7:00 PM - Eat dinner

8:30-9:00 PM - Personal free time/get ready for bed

10:00-11:00 PM - Bedtime

Persephone (in the underworld):

6:00 AM - Wake up/eat breakfast

8:00 AM - Start daily underworld work with Hades (she’s not much of a morning person and it takes her a while to wake up and get ready for the day)

12:00 PM - Lunch with Hades

1:30 PM - Daily update meeting with Hades, Pain, and Panic

2:00 PM - Cont. underworld work (mainly helping Hades with his work, tending to the agriculture in Asphodel Meadows, checking on the souls in Asphodel Meadows, etc.)

5:00 PM - Join Hades in “meetings” with current or potential allies/busywork/chill and talk with Hades in the throne room

7:00 PM - Dinner with Hades (if he isn’t working late)

8:30-9:00 PM - Personal free time alone or with Hades/get ready for bed

10:00-11:00 PM - Bedtime

Persephone (during spring):

7:00 AM - Wake up/have a quick breakfast

8:00 AM - Start seasonal work (planting flowers/trees/bushes/etc., helping wake up the wild animals from hibernation if Artemis hasn’t done it already, melting snow/ice, etc.)

1:00 PM - Eat lunch

2:00-2:30 PM - Cont. seasonal work

5:00 PM - Eat dinner

6:00-6:30 PM - Cont. seasonal work (slower paced, checking details, adding finishing touches)

8:00 PM - Personal free time alone (if Hades doesn’t stop by for a visit)/get ready for bed

9:30-10:00 PM - Bedtime (either in a flowery field under the moonlight or in her personal room on Mount Olympus if there’s rain)

Of course, these aren’t EXACT schedules for them lol, they definitely change depending on the day, but this is just kinda a run down of what their daily is schedules are like. When they have children their schedules become a little different (at least in the underworld anyways) because they have to make time for their kids, but yeah lol

[uncloseted]

Do you have any advice for actually sleeping? I do shift work and sometimes I'm working until 11:30 and when I get home I eat dinner and by then it's like 1 am /: I also have school in a different city so I have to wake up really early some days like 7 or 6. I feel really bad all the time because I never sleep enough, and sometimes when I lay down to sleep because I'm exhausted i just can't sleep. Like my body only wants to sleep when it's super inconvenient making me late for stuff.

The first thing I would suggest is working on developing good sleep hygiene. 

Be consistent. Usually, this means going to sleep and waking up at the same time every day, but since that's not an option for you, I would recommend having the same bedtime routine that you do every night. Limit your exposure to your phone, computer, video games, and TV for at least an hour before bed, since they're stimulating and can keep your mind active. Instead, try taking a hot shower, do a nighttime skincare routine, read a book, mediate or practice relaxation exercises, and do other activities that you find calming.

Make sure your bedroom is conducive to sleep.  A quiet, dark, cool bedroom is important for quality sleep.  Consider getting ear plugs, a face mask, blackout curtains for you windows, and/or a weighted blanket.

Avoid large meals, citrus fruits, spicy food, fatty or fried food, caffeine, and alcohol before bedtime. For you, it might be better to eat a large meal before work and then have a smaller meal before bed so that it's easier to sleep.

Work on your health in other aspects of your life.  Having good nutrition and getting regular exercise can help to improve your quality of sleep.

If you’re going to nap during the day, limit napping to 30 minutes or less, once a day, before 5pm.

Make sure you get adequate exposure to sunlight.  Your body’s internal clock can get off track if you’re spending too much time inside or in the dark.  Along with that, it can help to dim your lights indoors when it gets dark out.

Put your phone out of reach when you’re in bed, and put it on Do Not Disturb mode to block notifications that might wake you up during the night.

If you’re not asleep after 20 minutes, get out of bed, go to another room, and do something relaxing, like reading or listening to music until you are tired enough to sleep.

Turn your clock’s face away from you, if you have one in your room at all. Staring at a clock when you are trying to fall asleep or when you wake in the middle of the night can actually increase stress, making it harder to fall asleep.

If your anxiety is keeping you up at night, write your thoughts down before you go to sleep.  Getting them out will prevent them from circling in your head while you’re trying to sleep.

Try to only use your bed for sleeping.  Do “daytime activities” in other areas of your room/apartment/house. This will help to train your brain to recognize that bed = sleep and make it easier for you to fall asleep.

As far as actually falling asleep goes, often our bodies are tired but our brains are still active. The most common way to combat that is called the "military method". Here's what you do:

Lie down in your bed.

Relax your entire face, including the muscles inside your mouth.

Drop your shoulders to release the tension, and let your hands drop to the side of your body.

Exhale, relaxing your chest.

Relax your legs, thighs, and calves.

Clear your mind for 10 seconds by imagining a relaxing scene.

If this doesn’t work, try saying “don’t think” repeatedly for 10 seconds.

A longer version of this is called "progressive muscle relaxation":

Raise your eyebrows as high as possible for 5 seconds. This will tighten your forehead muscles.

Relax your muscles immediately and feel the tension drop. Wait 10 seconds.

Smile widely to create tension in your cheeks. Hold for 5 seconds. Relax.

Pause 10 seconds.

Squint with your eyes shut. Hold 5 seconds. Relax.

Pause 10 seconds.

Tilt your head slightly back so you’re comfortable looking at the ceiling. Hold 5 seconds. Relax as your neck sinks back into the pillow.

Pause 10 seconds.

Keep moving down the rest of the body, from your triceps to chest, thighs to feet.

Let yourself fall asleep, even if you don’t finish tensing and relaxing the rest of your body.

You can also try to do 4-7-8 breathing, where you breathe in for 4 beats, hold your breath for 7 beats, and breathe out for 8 beats. If you do this around four times, it should help your body to calm down and help your mind rest.

Another way you can get your mind to calm down is to focus it on something very specific. I've seen people recommend that you try to remember the plot of a movie you've seen recently scene-by-scene, but you could also try to visualize a place in extreme detail, count backwards by sevens, try to come up with one country for each letter of the alphabet- whatever keeps your mind busy, but isn't so stimulating that you'll want to actually get up and focus on the activity. Keep pulling your focus back to the activity when you notice it drifting, and eventually you should just fall asleep.

[flatbstanley]

From the personal website of Taylor Santoro (taylorgrace.com)

I am SO excited to be kicking off a new photography project: Thursday Evenings. Each month, we'll follow a different family as they go about their routine on an ordinary Thursday. I know that many moms spend their evenings just powering through all the things that need to be done—I’m guilty as charged! But the goal of this project is to show us the beauty that we can miss in these little moments.

I'm thrilled to be partnering with Schmapple for this series. Their appliances are a lifesaver when you're trying to get a quick and healthy dinner on the table. Be sure to use code TAYLOR at schmapple.com for 5% off your next order!

I took most of the photos in this series myself, but I wanted to start off by sharing a Thursday evening at my own house. These photos were taken by my immensely talented friend Ayla Newbury. Check out more of her work @.inkspirations.

For me, a smooth evening starts with the right preparation during the day. With five kids and three bathrooms, things can get a bit tight, so if the little ones need a bath, I try to do it while the older kids are in school. I typically prep dinner during their early afternoon naptime, but on this day, I had prepped the night before, so I got to enjoy an extra long and snuggly nap with Leo.

Gia and Ambrose have their music lessons after school on Thursdays, but Max got home right at 3. His classmate Lucas Munch came over to play, which kept him occupied until dinnertime.

With our varied schedules, family dinners are hard for us during the week. Leo and Zelie get an early meal, and the older kids eat between 5 and 6. (My sweet friend Kelly drives Gia and Ambrose home from music lessons, and they arrived at around 5:15.) Chickpea mac n' cheese is always a favorite with my kiddos!

Justin gets home from work around 7. He's pretty wiped out after a long day, so he usually eats in front of the TV while I oversee homework time and put Leo to bed. Ayla did get this sweet picture of him snuggling with Gia, though!

Justin is in charge of Zelie's bedtime story, but most nights she’s so sleepy that she'll just crawl into bed on her own. That was just as well for this night, since Justin was busy fixing a leak in one of our showers. It is such a blessing to have an engineer in the house—we never have to call a repairman!

All of our kids are in bed by 9, and that's when I enjoy some time to myself. After a late dinner (caprese—easy and healthy!), I like to do a little yoga to wind down. Justin spends this time in our garage/studio working on his podcast.

I absolutely loved seeing my kiddos' faces in these photos. Sometimes I feel like a drill sergeant rushing them from one part of the evening to another, but in so many of these photos I see pure joy. I am a little ashamed, though, that there was no prayer in any of these photos, which was something that Justin pointed out. He would like for us to pray at least a decade of the rosary each evening, preferably the whole thing. That's a goal we'll work towards!

Let me know what you thought of these photos! And check back next month for a Thursday evening with another family!

(A/N: Justin, if you want your family to pray the rosary so much, you could always do it yourself instead of watching TV and neglecting your kids...)

[babysharl]

Hope I'm not too late for the WIP ask game. What about #1 and #3? Also is there really going to be a continuation of the Christmas one shot you wrote?

You were not late for the WIP ask game !! But I definitely am, sorry it's taken me a couple days to answer 🙏 Thank you for the ask, love!

You have all the answers under the cut so I don't make an annoyingly lenghthy post ^^

Okay, so #1, Lest is my 2022 season fic. It has like 25k words written, but it's mostly dialogue except for a few fully formed scenes, and it spans literally the entire season. I wrote it as it went on (it's divided into 28 chapters), but it's too gargantuan of a WIP to work through :S Maybe I'll reconceptualise it into a oneshot, cause I like the character arcs in it and there's scenes I love a lot. Max is poly in this and in a serious relationship with Kelly, and at the start Charles is with Charlotte too. Charles and Max start developing a closer friendship, and then ✨feelings✨ start to appear. They go back and forth without addressing said feelings for a long while.

Here's an excerpt of a scene post Singapore qualifying:

"Hey." He said quietly, debating with himself for all of two seconds before he took a seat next to Max, self-consciously still leaving a gap between them. When he finally settled down, it seemed like Max came out of whatever revery he had been in. 

"Sorry we're up here." He muttered, his voice cracking up in the middle before he cleared his throat, still looking ahead to the skyline that was visible. "Kelly was asleep already." 

Charles hummed, but didn't really know how to answer that. There was a weird feeling hanging between them, and Charles would be lying if he said on his part it had nothing to do with having met Kelly the day before, or Max mentioning her being in their room and bed right now. It made him feel awful, too. But he doubted anything going on between them had anything to do with Max reaching out so late and when they should've been closing the curtains in their rooms and getting to bed. It was nearing midnight in Monaco's time. Way past their bedtimes. 

"Are you okay?" He braved, waiting with bated breath to see if Max would lash out. Charles still didn't know what to expect with him. He was better at reading Max now that he had ever thought he would be, but Max still seemed so out of reach sometimes.

The other man only let out a long sigh, though, stretching his legs and letting them rest against the pavement of the roof. 

"I lost it." Charles frowned, confused, but then Max kept talking and he suddenly knew what about. "Such a small issue, completely and understandably something that can happen –not that it should, but I know it can happen, and I shouldn't complain because the team ever so rarely makes mistakes–, and I…. completely lost it."

Charles took a deep breath, then let it out slowly before admitting in a quiet voice, "I heard." He doubted there was anyone in the paddock who hadn’t. And the press… not their most forgiving day when it came to Max. Charles was selfishly glad that he usually had the press on his side, that he didn’t have to know what was being on the other end of it, being labelled as the villain time and again.

It was the middle of the night, and Charles’ phone told him it should’ve been at least a bit colder than it was during the day, but the heat remained even as high up as they were, his t-shirt clinking to his skin in a way that not even the humidity in Monaco managed to accomplish. Singapore was beautiful, but Charles had never liked how sticky it made his skin. 

#3 F1TV -> this one started as a 5+1 and I'd really like to finish it. I have 3 and a half out of 6 written, so odds are I may actually do finish it. Premise is Max keeps analysing Charles' onboards to "study the enemy" (full suspension of disbelief cause they have both said they never watch other onboards and just focus on their own hahahah). Here you have a little excerpt from it:

After that second time, it becomes a thing. Max keeps asking G.P. for the race onboards, he makes a habit of watching them either on the plane back home or once he's home, so he can watch on a screen bigger than his phone. Sometimes if he’s told it’s a particularly good race, he sets up the video on the screen of his simulator, and analyses it while replicating every movement Leclerc does with his own hands on his steering wheel. He can't find a way to explain this weird obsession other than he's trying to find cracks in Leclerc's driving. Because about halfway through last year's summer, Leclerc signed to Sauber. And even though Max shouldn't be concerning himself with someone driving such a backmarker car as a Sauber, he knows Leclerc from his own karting days, and he has seen enough onboards from him by now to know he's not going to be driving a midfield car in Formula 1 for long. He'll step up sooner or later. And Max needs to be prepared.

And finally, as for a continuation of As Long As I Get To Keep You, it's not so much a continuation as me tying loose ends for my own peace of mind. I don't know if it'll ever see the light of day, but here you have the conversation that made me create that WIP:

It was only later in the day, when they were both once again cuddling in Max's bed, that Charles remembered something. 

"What did…" He started, but for some reason the words got lost along the way as his finger slid up and down Max's chest, taking in the way it rose and fell with each breath.

Max indulged him, but he still whispered, "Hm?"

Charles had to make a conscious effort to tear his eyes away from the skin he had littered with hickies. It made something stupid and primitive go nuts inside him, Max being all marked up by his lips. But the curiosity about this particular part of their day in that world itched his brain. It probably wasn't even that important. Charles still couldn't help it. 

"When Jules called." Max takes a deep breath, as if he felt this conversation was going to go down a route Charles wasn't intending it to, so Charles rushed to finish his thought. "When he called, and you took the phone." 

"Yeah?" 

Charles turned a bit in Max's hold to be able to look at him properly. 

"What did he want to talk to you about?" He finally asked, meeting Max's eyes and seeing confusion in them, then something else entirely.

Thank you again for the ask! 💙

[joifee]

Joiiiii go to sleeepp

You can (probably) draw in the morning!!!!! Your health is important!!

I'm not sure whether I am more alarmed that you consistently go to bed at 2 am, or that you stayed up til 4 am. I thought my 12 am occasionally 1 am was bad!!

But seriously, go to sleep. If you want, I can even give you advice on attempting to make your sleep schedule marginally better?

i appreciate the concern. I agree i should go to bed earlier. but its not like i have stuff to do in the mornings so i can sleep till 8am or 9am without worry. So its not like i get less sleep - i get my 6-7 hours of sleep. i actually have a good inner clock so shifting my bedtime wouldnt be really much work. recently i just been procrastinating sleep because laying down gets me into a coughing fit, my chronic bronchitis is not very kindly to me since i had the flu in late january and in the start of may. waking up is even worse, so you could say i am dreading going to bed atm a bit - it got better tho

but then seeing people actually being concerned maybe i should try to get to bed a hour earlier; i hate to worry. But then i want to try to at least finish one page

[lexstellaris]

Daily Draw - 9/6/23 - Clive Barrett's Ancient Egyptian Tarot

Two of Swords

aww yeah ya boi finally dragged himself away from Minecraft long enough to do a covid test and finally I'm negative! I'll do a few more over the weekend and into next week just to be sure, but yay! I can finally get a haircut! 8D

Mum's still testing positive tho, I figure she just had a higher viral load than me and it's taking her longer to clear it. Still, she's keeping herself busy and reading discworld novels so. I figure that's the peace this card is hinting about. Not, like, throwing it in mum's face but supporting her as she recovers as well.

Dad was negative in like, less than a week, but he had the antivirals so. I knew he'd be fine.

I am still conjested as fuck tho, and I'm tired of it. I"m sure I'll be like this for a few more weeks bc my sinuses are shit lol. At least that's the least of my problems and while annoying, it's better than it could be.

Anyway. Attempting to break my 4:30am bedtime habits of the past couple of days (glares at certain streamers deciding to stream as I'm trying to go to bed and at my lack of self control -_-) esp if I'll be back to work next week so. We should def reign that in a lil lol. :D

Also my cat is sitting next to me on my bed bc it's been raining and she hates the rain, poor bb. <3