#my biggest advice is go as weird as you can get away with

[brechtian]

hi! kind of a random question, but what plays do you think work best/would work well being performed at a high school? not really worded right, but rn my high school is lacking in the play area so i was brainstorming ideas. no pressure to answer!

uhh really depends on the school! tbh most good theatre isn’t public high school friendly but if you can get away with it I don’t actually think Brecht would be the worst, like Galileo might be a decent choice esp if your school is chill and your theatre teacher could do a like concurrent unit on brechtian theatre. Ummm Silent Sky by Lauren Gunderson is a really popular play and if you had a good budget could be pulled off at a high school. I’m obsessed with the idea of high schoolers doing Ionesco’s Rhinoceros if your department is down to do some absurdism. If you’re looking for something with a small cast and again are down for some absurdist theatre Kobo Abe’s the man who turned into a stick could be fun at a high school (I’m a little fascinated by slightly terrible high school productions of experimental theatre). Ermmmm if you want to do period pieces Bernard Shaw’s plays are great, or Oscar Wilde if ur not cool enough to do some shaw. Oh I feel like the almost, Maine craze has died out so you could probably bring that one back from the grave. My Senior year of hs we were going to do hay fever & I was cast as Judith Bliss; that’s a good high school show for sure. Truly no idea the size budget or culture of your school so just throwing a bunch of ideas at you. My favorite high school production of a play I ever saw was my freshman year of hs the seniors did some theatrical adaptation of the Orpheus and Eurydice myth that I loveddd.

[javiscigarette]

Teacher's Pet

Joel Miller x virgin f!reader

Summary: 25 years old, anxiety-ridden, and still a virgin, you ask your friend Joel for advice on your upcoming date. But you're more of a...hands-on learner. And he's more than happy to help. 

Warnings: PWP, unbalanced power dynamics, virgin!reader, neighbor/bff/more experienced! Joel, age gap, first kiss, virginity loss, fingering, oral (f receiving), frequent check-ins, soo much banter and Joel is a menace also so soft and sweet :')....(ends on a cliffhanger but there will be a part two I swear).

w/c: 7.7k idk what happened

a/n: I am resurfacing for your monthly reminder that I do in fact still write!! Inspiration for this came out of literally nowhere but I took it and RAN with it and I think I like it?? As always, thank you to my baby love @undrthelights for helping me with this and always listening to my rambling and for being my biggest enabler Ilysm

Part Two

my masterlist

"Fine! What if, hypothetically speaking of course, you were to, hypothetically, give me a, um, hypothetical, lesson or whatever." Your heart is pounding so hard you can feel your pulse throb in your neck pound in your ears. You slowly drag your hands away from your face and look at him. He stares right back at you, brows furrowed. "A what?" "Forget it. forget I said anything,” you mutter, shaking your head.  "No no wait, hang on, what do you mean? A lesson? Like a…a sex lesson?” 

"Seriously, Joel. Fuck off" you snap but with no bite or heat behind it. You bring the sweating bottle of beer to your lips and finish the rest of the now lukewarm liquid off in one gulp. 

"What? I just find it hard to believe that you've never even had a kiss. Didn't you go to high school? Didn't you ever get invited to a party? Didn't you go to college? College kids do the do like all the time” 

"Clearly not all the time" you mutter, a tad bitterly.

Joel raises his hands defensively and takes a sip of his own beer. "Just seems crazy is all. There's gotta be some chick or dude out there willing to take pity on you and pop your cherry."

You audibly gag at his choice of words. "I don't need a pity fuck, thanks." You stand from the couch and head over to the fridge. The bottles of cold alcohol inside are calling your name and you want something that will help soothe your nerves. You're not a big drinker, but when Joel is prying into your love life like he is now, you wish you were.

"Okay,” he starts from the living room. “Maybe I worded that wrong. What I meant to say was, there's gotta be someone out there who would be more than willing to show you a good time."

You groan and let your forehead fall against the fridge door. "That's the whole point! I came here to get advice for my date, someone who might actually be interested in me, and all you've done is make fun of me for not having fucked anyone yet. So thanks, Joel. You're a real pal."

You push away from the fridge and slam the door shut, a second beer in hand.

"Alright, alright, calm down." He says, hands in the air as if you were holding him at gunpoint as you head back to the couch. "Look, if this guy really likes you then he's not gonna care. Probably won't even be able to tell if you are or aren't."

"You think so?" You ask hopefully.

"Well, I mean, unless you're like... super bad."

Your heart drops into your stomach and you glare at him, "Joel."

"Oh come on, I'm kidding. You're not gonna be bad, okay? Just, go into it with an open mind and just relax. If he tries something you're not comfortable with or makes you feel weird, tell him. And if he gets pissy, dump his ass."

"That simple, huh?" You scoff.

"Well, yeah. You're the one who made it complicated by thinking it was a big deal."

"It is a big deal, Joel! I know nothing!

"Nothing? You ain’t ever watched porn? Jesus, I had no idea you were such a prude."

You can't stop yourself from rolling your eyes and slapping the back of your hand against his arm. He yelps and laughs, rubbing his arm.

"I've watched porn before" you retort. 

"What kind?" he asks with a wiggle of his brows.

"None of your fucking business" you respond, feeling your face heat up.

Joel's lips quirk into a shit-eating grin and you're quick to smack him again.

"Okay okay, sorry!" he says through his laughter. "So what exactly are you afraid of?"

You're not really sure how to answer. It's a combination of so many things, most of which are irrational fears and insecurities. Sure you've seen it all done before, but you're well aware that none of it is realistic. At least, not completely. And just the fact that you're freshly 25 years old without a single notch in your bedpost makes you dizzy with anxiety. It's not like you're saving yourself or anything, it's just that hook up culture has never agreed with you and there's never been an opportunity that made you feel like it was the right one. That is until now, with your cute coworker who you thought was miles out of your league asking you out on a third date. And now, the prospect of being in bed with him is looming over you like a dark cloud and the last thing you want to do is mess it up.

"I guess, I'm just afraid that he's gonna be disappointed, or I'm gonna weird him out, or I'm gonna do something wrong and embarrass myself.” Joel nods along and listens. "And if it is bad then we still have to work with each other and then what if it's awkward and everyone knows about it and then he hates me and--"

"Okay, whoa slow down there, buddy" Joel says, putting a hand on your shoulder. "One, you're overthinking this. You're literally thinking like, five steps ahead of what's actually going on. It's a date. And even if it does end up in the bedroom, you don't have to do anything you don't want to. No one's forcing you, okay? He can't. No one can."

"I know, but I want to," you reply quietly.

"Alright. Then do."

"I don't know howwww!! " you whine, flopping backwards into the couch.

Joel groans and sits up a little straighter, scrubbing a hand down his face. 

"Well, there's no magic trick, I don't have a secret sex manual I'm holding out on ya."

You sigh, shoulders sagging as you look over at him. The idea comes out of nowhere, well, not exactly from nowhere, but it pops in your head so fast that you then have to bite your tongue before the words bubbling up from your throat come tumbling out. 

It's not a bad idea, not necessarily. 

You've been good friends with Joel ever since you moved in next door last year. An unlikely pairing, a 40 year old contractor and an almost 25 year old office worker. But after offering him a six pack as part of introducing yourself to the neighbors, you'd gotten along fabulously. He fixes things around your house and you send him home with hot dinners and warm, gooey cookies and you watch movies together almost every Friday night.

 It's an easy friendship, open and honest and supportive, and Joel has never given you reason not to trust him. He's a good guy, if not a little brash, but you know deep down he means well. And it doesn't hurt that he's objectively attractive, with his tall and sturdy frame, strong, calloused hands, dark messy curls....It's not a bad idea.

It's an absolutely insane idea. 

You continue to stare at him, clenching your teeth together to hold back the question sitting on the tip of your tongue.

"What?" he says, looking back at you.

"Nothing" you mutter, eyes flicking away.

"You've got that face you make when you're about to say something really stupid, so just get it out."

You glare at him again, not enjoying the way he can read you so well.

"I wasn't gonna say anything."

"Well now you're lying."

"I'm not."

"You're doing it again!"

"Doing what?!"

"That face!"

"I'm not making a face!"

"Yes you are! Just spit it out!"

You groan and hide your face in your hands. You blame it on the one beer even though you know you’re not anywhere close to being drunk because how else would you justify what you’re about to say? You wait a moment, thinking about the weight of it but your mouth opens before you can stop yourself. 

"Fine! What if, hypothetically speaking of course, you were to, hypothetically, give me a, um, hypothetical, lesson or whatever."

Your heart is pounding so hard you can feel your pulse throb in your neck and hear it in your ears. You slowly drag your hands away from your face and look at him. He stares right back at you, brows furrowed.

"A what?"

"Forget it. forget I said anything,” you mutter, shaking your head. 

"No no wait, hang on, what do you mean? A lesson? Like a…a sex lesson?” 

His eyes are wide, and he looks incredulous. You can't blame him, because the more time that passes between your suggestion and now, the more ridiculous the idea seems.

"I’m sorry, that was…It was stupid. Pretend I didn't say anything. Let's just watch a movie." You move to grab the remote, but Joel's hand covers yours, stopping you.

"Is that what you want?"

You look at him, searching his expression for any sign of disgust or apprehension. But all you can see is the same Joel you've known for months, patient, warm, and understanding.

"I know. I know it's stupid. But I can't get this date out of my head, Joel. It's all I can think about and the more I do, the more worried I get and I just don't want to fuck it up. And I know we're friends and this is weird and gross, but I just thought that... maybe, I could have some practice, so to speak."

He doesn't say anything. Just keeps looking at you, the panic rising in your chest the longer the silence stretches. You start to fidget, wringing your hands together in your lap.

"I'm sorry, that was way out of line" you say, moving to stand up, your skin sweaty and hot with embarrassment and your feet ready to run out the door and never come back. 

But Joel catches your wrist, gently pulling you back down to sit next to him.

"Joel" you whine, not wanting him to humiliate you any further.

"It's okay, come here."

His voice is softer than before, and his eyes are kind. You let him pull you closer, the two of you sitting knee to knee. You can't bring yourself to look him in the eyes, not with your cheeks and the tips of your ears burning like they are, but Joel doesn't push. He simply moves his hand from your wrist, sliding it into yours. His palms are rough and warm, and the simple touch alone is comforting.

"You really wanna do this?” he asks softly. You can feel his eyes boring into you. “I mean, I'm not exactly a prize winning catch. And it's not like there's a shortage of willing men out there."

You shrug and chew the inside of your lip.

"Yeah, but you're my friend and I...I trust you."

There's another pause, and you wish that you could just disappear into the couch and erase this moment from your memory.

"How drunk are you?" he asks, glancing at the beer bottle on the coffee table.

"You saw me finish one bottle. And half of another. I’m barely tipsy."

"Not drunk?”

"Nope."

"You're gonna remember this tomorrow."

"Uh huh."

"And you still want to?"

You groan for the millionth time and squeeze his hand.

"Yes I want to! Look, if you don't want to then that's fine. It was just a dumb suggestion and we can just forget this ever happened."

He hums, considering your words. His hand slips out of yours, and you think that's it, you've scared him off and washed the friendship down the drain. That you'll have to hide from him from now on, that you'll have to pack your things up and move because the mortification would be too much, and that he'll hate you, and—

His two fingers sliding under chin surprise you, and he tilts your head up. He's looking down at you with that same even expression, eyes big, soft, and warm as he slides his hand over to cup your jaw in his palm. 

"If you want to stop at any point, just say so, okay? I won't be upset and we can go back to the way things were before. Got it?"

You nod, your throat suddenly too tight to speak. His thumb sweeps over your cheekbone, the tender touch is enough to make your heart skip a beat. There’s no way this is actually happening. That your first kiss is going to be with your 40 year old menace of a neighbor. That you’re going to, how did you put it, get a sex lesson from him. His gaze flicks down to your lips and back up to your eyes and you’re positive you’re no longer able to breathe. 

"Can I kiss you?" he asks softly. You nod. 

You're sure he can hear the thumping of your heart in his own ears as he leans down. His other hand comes to rest on your hip and when his lips touch yours, a soft, tentative pressure, you're not prepared for the electricity that shoots through you.

He's barely done anything and already you feel like you're floating. Your own hands reach out to clutch his shirt, keeping him close, afraid he'll pull away and leave you cold and wanting if you don't. But he stays put, pressing himself against you, his lips working gently against yours. You follow his lead, kissing him back while trying not to overthink it.

It's nothing like the kisses in the movies or the books, where fireworks explode behind your eyelids or where your foot pops up in the air. It's far more subdued, more quiet and subtle. But the warmth that pools low in your belly and the goosebumps that erupt on your skin when his tongue slides against the seam of your lips, light and quick, makes you absolutely melt. 

He pulls back before you can really react, and you're left with a dizzying rush of both blistering desire and excruciating anxiety. You want to pull him back in and never let him go. But your heart is beating so fast you can hardly breathe, your nerves are buzzing, and the urge to run and hide is nearly paralyzing. 

"Was it bad?" you ask tentatively, cheeks heated.

"No" he replies, giving your hip a squeeze as a smirk plays on his lips. "It was fucking awful. Worst kiss of my life"

"Shut up!" you hiss, pushing him away with a hand on his chest. He laughs, the sound easing some of the tension in your body. 

"I'm just teasing" he says, voice dropping lower. "C'mere, we can work on it."

His lips find yours again, and you try not to smile into the kiss but it's hard when you can feel the way his lips are quirked up as well. It doesn’t take much else to get you to relax and let yourself fall into the moment, into the gentle press of his mouth and the warm hands on your hip and your cheek. He swipes his tongue against your lips again, his fingers pressing lightly into the hinge of your jaw to tilt your head back and coax your lips apart.

You let him, sighing as his tongue glides across yours, hot and smooth and sweet. Your hands slide up his chest, finding purchase around his shoulders, and when you move forward, pushing yourself against him, he grunts softly but lets you. He kisses you until the both of you are gasping for air, and when he pulls back, his lips are wet and red and you're certain yours must be as well.

"Better?" you ask, a bit breathless.

"Getting there" he answers with, his breath warm where it fans across your cheek. 

"You're such a liar" you say with a goofy smile.

"Yeah, I know. Now try again, practice makes perfect.” 

You roll your eyes but lean back in nonetheless. It's a bit more heated this time, the feeling of his teeth nibbling on your bottom lip making you squirm. His hand rounds over your hip, palm smoothing to the small of your back to pull you closer, the heat of his body radiating through your clothes and warming your skin. Your hands move on their own accord, no thought behind the action as they slide up to his shoulders and then his neck, your fingers finding home in the curls at the base of his skull. When you give them a slight tug, you're rewarded with a muffled grunt from Joel. Emboldened, you pull back, lips swollen and tingling.

"You’re a good kisser,” you pant. "Is that something people usually say?"

"When it’s true" he says, grinning at you. "And since I know you're gonna ask, I'd say that was a C+, maybe a B-."

You scoff but blush furiously at the smile he flashes, his eyes crinkling in the corners.

"Well then, tell me what to do next. What do I need to know?"

Joel hums as he thinks for a moment. 

"What do you want to do?"

You stare at him for a second, blinking.

"I don't know, that's why I'm asking you" you say, shaking your head a bit.

"Well, how far do you want to take this?"

You swallow hard, suddenly feeling very shy. You can’t deny that when the idea popped in your head it was accompanied by the mental image of you naked, spread out on his bed, but the actual act of asking him, or better yet, actually doing it is... intimidating to say the least. Are you really about to let him go all the way, to see you bare and vulnerable, let him pop your cherry as he would disgustingly put it? All just to “prepare” for a date with a guy who might not even like you that way?

Yeah, probably.

"All the way" you answer. “I want to go all the way” 

He doesn’t pounce on you like you expected, doesn’t press his lips against yours in a frenzied kiss that you had half hoped for. Instead, he simply looks at you, his brown eyes boring into yours, searching.

"Are you sure? You can always say no and you're not gonna lose me as a friend if this isn’t what you actually want. I don’t want you thinking that."

You can't help the laugh that bubbles up and slips out, because of course Joel, your kind, thoughtful Joel, would say that. He's a good man. A great one, even.

"Yes, I'm sure. But if you don't want to, I get it, I can just leave and-"

Joel laughs, the sound traveling up from deep in his chest, the rumble vibrating against you.

"Sweetheart, I wouldn't be doin’ this if I didn't want to. Just makin’ sure this is what you really want."

"I want it.” 

He squeezes your hip and swipes a thumb over your cheekbone once again. 

“Alright then.” He nods, firm and resolute, and then looks around the room. “ We’re not doing it here, though. If you're getting the full Joel Miller experience, we're gonna do it right.” 

Your eyes roll reflexively, but your heart picks up its pace regardless.

"I’m not gonna do anything if you call it that ever again."

"Fine, fine,” he relents. “Let me show you what a good, thorough fucking feels like. Better?"

Your jaw drops, and he's laughing at you, his body shaking with amusement.

"Fuck you" you grumble, shoving him away while trying to hide your coy smile. 

"Yeah, that's what I'm hoping for," he says with a wide, self-assured grin.

"I'm leaving" you declare with a false sense of offense as you rise to your feet. Joel is quick to do the same and before you can take a single step away, he slips a finger through the belt loop of your jeans and tugs you back into him, wrapping an arm around your waist.

"I’ll stop, I’ll stop. I'm sorry" he says, not sounding it one bit.

You huff, but let him pull you closer until you’re pressed against his chest and you have to tilt your head back to look at him.

"I’ll be good. I promise."

"Liar"

"Well, yeah. But I can promise that I'll make you feel good."

You can't help the giggle that spills out and he kisses it away, his lips warm and plush and sweet against yours. The hand not resting on your lower back comes up, curling around the nape of your neck and keeping you close. You sink into him, and the fog creeps in again, dulling the rest of the world, making it seem fuzzy and distant, like the memory of a dream. All you can focus on is him, the warm solid weight of him against you, the strong arms holding you, the way his mouth moves against yours. And then he’s pulling back all too soon and you have to stifle a whine.

"Come on" he says, tugging at your hand.

His bedroom is dim, the little lamp on his nightstand and the faint glow of the moon through the curtains providing the only light. You swallow and take a deep breath as you step inside, your bare toes digging into the plush carpet, his hand warm and large where it grips yours.

He holds onto you as he sits on the edge of the bed. You step forward, letting him pull you between his knees. His hands settle on your hips, and you can feel their heat through the fabric of your shirt.

He doesn’t ask if you're sure again and you’re grateful because you’re not sure if you could form any kind of response right now. Instead, he slides his hands up and under your shirt, fingers dancing across your skin and leaving a trail of goosebumps. Your breath hitches as his hands smooth over your ribs and around to your back, the tips of his fingers mapping out the curve of your spine, skimming over each notch and bump. They climb higher, the fabric of your shirt bunching around his wrists. 

“Can I take this off, baby?”

Your heart jumps to your throat but you nod anyway. He grabs the hem and tugs your shirt up and and you lift your arms so he can slip it off over your head. He tosses it aside, the fabric falling to the floor beside the bed. You’re left exposed, vulnerable and bare, save for the worn out bra you wear, a few too many washes and a few years past its prime.

Your hands itch where they hang by your side with the instinct to cover yourself, hide the imperfections that you know so well, the stretch marks, the softness of your stomach, the way the cups of your bra are just a bit too small and spill over the tops.

But then he’s pressing his lips to the space just above your navel, his scruff tickling your skin and making the muscles in your abdomen jump and twitch. His hands find your waist again, and when his lips continue their path upwards, his palms follow, skimming up your sides, thumbs tracing the outline of your ribs before stopping at the band of your bra.

"This too?" he asks, voice quiet and husky.

"Yeah" you answer with a squeak, and he grins like a kid in a candy store.

His fingers undo the clasp deftness that makes your knees go weak, the straps slipping from your shoulders and the whole thing sliding down your arms, landing somewhere near your shirt. 

"God, baby, look at you" he murmurs, his hands cupping the underside of your breasts, his thumbs sweeping over the tops and then down the slope and around your nipple. Your breath hitches, the gentle touch sending a shiver up your spine. "You're fucking perfect."

The praise is unexpected and it sends a jolt of heat through your core. You whimper quietly and his hands are on you again, the calloused palms rough on the soft skin of your breasts. He kneads the flesh, squeezing gently before rolling your nipples between his fingers, pulling and pinching and teasing. 

He pulls you closer and ducks his head, his tongue darting out to wet his lips. He looks up at you through his lashes, eyes dark and hooded, and his pupils blown wide with desire.

"Can I?" he asks.

"Please."

He leans in and wraps his lips around a peaked nipple, his tongue swirling around the sensitive nub, the gentle heat of his mouth on your skin making your knees weak.

His mouth works on one breast, tongue flicking and teasing while his free hand continues its work on the other. Pleasure builds and coils deep inside, the sensation unfamiliar but certainly not unwelcome. You whimper and he pulls away, releasing your nipple with a wet pop before giving it a sweet parting kiss.

He turns his attention to the other, his teeth grazing over the stiff peak and drawing a whine from your lips. He sighs when your fingers tighten in his hair, pulling at the strands until he groans softly against you. He sucks your other nipple into his mouth, the flat of his tongue pressing against it and dragging up and around, swirling and flicking. You’re already breathless, panting, a thin sheen of sweat glistening on your forehead.

"Feels good, Joel," you whisper shyly. 

"I know, honey" he says, a soft smile pulling at his lips when he pulls away. "Feel good anywhere else?"

He doesn't wait for a response, simply slips a hand between your thighs, cupping you through the denim, the simple action making you squeak.

"Here, huh?" he says, the heel of his palm pressing against you.

You gasp softly and nod, biting your lip, too shy to say anything.

"Get on the bed, baby."

You comply, crawling onto the mattress and scooting backwards towards the pillows, sitting at the head of the bed as you watch him. His eyes never leave you as he pulls his shirt over his head, tossing it onto the floor. Your heart thumps as you stare at his bare chest, his tanned skin dotted with a light dusting of salt and pepper hair. He's broad, his shoulders thick and chest solid. Your fingers burn with the urge to reach out and touch him, so you do, extending a tentative, slightly shaky hand.

He watches you closely, eyes flitting down to the palm pressed against his chest before meeting yours again, his mouth curling into a smile.

"You can touch" he says, reaching down to curl a hand around your wrist and bringing it up to his lips, pressing a kiss to the center of your palm before guiding your hand back down to his chest. "I think most people would enjoy that."

"You're having entirely too much fun with this,” you mumble while your fingers spread out across his pec.  

"It is fun" he counters, his own hand sliding up the inside of your thigh, thumb pressing against the seam of your jeans and rubbing up and down. "But it'll be more fun once these come off"

Your lips part, a puff of air rushing out.

"You gonna take them off?" you ask, the words slipping out, bold and unbidden.

He grins, his brow quirking up.

"Look at you, being all bossy"

"You like it" you say, finally feeling some of the anxiety slipping away, the familiar and comfortable banter between the two of you slipping into place in a new, unfamiliar situation.

His smile takes up nearly his whole face as moves closer. 

“I sure do.” 

He looms over you, bracing himself on an elbow next to your head before ducking down to kiss you, his tongue easily slipping into your mouth, warm and insistent. You sigh into it, your hands finding the warm, bare skin of his back, muscles gliding beneath your palms as you slide them up and around, fingertips digging into his shoulders. He's so warm and solid and you can't help the little noise that slips out, a soft, needy moan. You're about to break the kiss and beg him to touch you, give you something, anything, but he pulls back before you can. 

"Impatient. I like that too" he says, voice barely above a whisper.

He kisses the corner of your mouth, then your cheek, then down your neck, his beard scraping against your skin. He continues his path, pressing wet, open-mouthed kisses across your collarbones and down the valley between your breasts, his beard tickling your sternum.

His palm presses into the top of your thigh, and you instinctively open your legs for him, his hand immediately moving to cup you through the denim, thick fingers pressing against the seam and the bundle of nerves just below. Your hips rock up, seeking more pressure and he grins, entirely too pleased with himself right now.

You huff, and he laughs, the sound rumbling in his chest, but he relents, undoing the button and zipper of your jeans and tugging the fabric down, revealing the pair of pink panties underneath. 

Joel sits up, pulling your jeans down your legs and letting them drop off the side of the bed, the sound of the denim hitting the floor indicating that you've officially crossed a line that neither of you can come back from. But if the hungry, desperate look on his face and the way you're practically vibrating underneath him are any indication, neither of you want to.

"I'll start with just my fingers, yeah?" he says, his hands running up the insides of your thighs, touch light and teasing, the tips of his fingers brushing the edge of your panties. You nod dumbly, at a complete loss for words right now.

He ducks his head, his lips landing on the smooth skin stretched over your hip bone. You squirm, ticklish, and he grins. His mouth is a great distraction from his hand, which has found its way back in between your legs, his fingers now pressing against damp fabric.

"Shit" he curses, his touch firm. "Fuckin' soaked already. Am I just that good?" he quips with a smirk.

"Jesus do you ever shut up" you gripe, but the effect is ruined by the whimper that escapes you when his thumb sweeps up, pressing hard against your clit. 

"Oh, that's a pretty sound" he murmurs, repeating the motion to pull out another one, your hips bucking against his hand.

"Now," he starts, his tone shifting to the same one he uses when he's about to impart some life lesson. "This guy you're gonna see, or any man for that matter, should always take care of you before himself. That's just common fuckin' sense. And if he doesn't, you send him on his way" he continues. "Because a man that don't wanna see a woman get off is no fuckin' man at all"

You're about to interrupt, tell him he's an idiot and ask him to please, please, get on with it, but his fingers sliding under the elastic of your panties, swiftly pulling them down your legs steals the breath from your lungs. Your pulse sky rockets and you shift underneath him, crossing your thighs in instinctual effort to hide yourself from him. 

"M'sorry I didn't shave or anything" you blurt out, your throat tight with anxiety and embarrassment once again 

Joel just shakes his head as he pries your legs apart.

"Baby, I could not give less of a shit about that."

"But-"

"No" he says, the word firm, an edge of command to his tone. "You’re not apologizin’ for that. And if a man gives a shit, he's a fuckin' child who doesn't deserve the honor of bein' between these thighs" he says, pushing your knees further apart.

You nod and bite your lip, the words that are just so very Joel, settling in your chest and easing the tension in your body. You let out a long, slow breath and relax, trying to ease the nervousness.

"There ya go" he says, his fingers dancing along your slit, gathering the slick pooling there. You shudder at the gentle touch, your hips rolling up just a bit before you force them back down into the mattress, trying to keep yourself still.

"Nuh-uh. None of that" he says, immediately noticing the movement. He slides his free hand under you, his palm pushing into the small of your back and encouraging you to move again, to lean into your pleasure. "You take what you want, baby. Show me how good it feels. That's all I wanna see."

You squirm and whimper, the simple, almost lazy touch driving you insane. You've touched yourself before, brought yourself over the edge while imagining what it would be like to have the things you read about and watch in videos happen to you. But you've never managed to make yourself feel this good, never felt pleasure so intense, never felt a burning pressure in your abdomen so demanding that it radiates all the way to the tips of your fingers and toes.

And he's barely touched you.

"How's that feel?"

You can't even form the words, so you just nod and hum, the sound a mix of a whimper and a moan, your hips rolling up against his palm. He chuckles, and then the pressure increases, the friction building, his fingers slipping down, collecting more of your wetness to ease the drag against your skin.

He moves his fingers down, down, down, the tip of one circling your entrance, gathering the wetness pooling there. You whine loudly, any shame and modesty you once had replaced entirely with desperate need and pure desire.

"Please, Joel" you whisper, voice shaky.

"I gotcha" he says, dipping his fingertip in, just barely, and pulling a moan from deep in your chest. "Gonna give you what you need"

You groan, a long, low sound as he slowly sinks his finger into you. It's nothing like your own, so perfectly thick and long/ And you found the spot before, the spot that he curls his finger up into, but never at this angle, never with the perfect amount of pressure that he's applying right now. 

"Mmm, look at that" he coos as you clench tightly around his finger.

"Joel, god, feels so good" you whimper pathetically. 

"I know, honey, I know."

You clench again, the cockiness and self-assured attitude that usually gets under your skin now ignites your whole body in an entirely different way. He keeps his eyes on your face, watching as your eyes squeeze shut and your mouth drops open, your head tipping back as the pleasure builds.

"Another" you beg, the fullness not nearly enough.

"Greedy girl" he chides, but he pulls his finger out, and slides two back in. You swear that you could come from this alone, but he doesn't let you, the hand that was supporting your lower back disappearing, only to reappear between your thighs, his thumb circling your clit with firm, steady strokes.

White hot pleasure wraps around the base of your spine, the dual sensations of his fingers and his thumb sending you spiraling. The sounds falling from your lips are unrecognizable, high and desperate as your mind goes blissfully blank, your entire focus on the heat coiling in your abdomen. Your eyebrows pinch together and you bury your face in the pillow next to your head, trying to hide the ridiculous expression you're surely making, but you inhale the traces of his shampoo and cologne that cling to the fabric, the scent pushing you even closer to the edge. 

You try to hold back. Surely you're not supposed to come this quickly, not just from two fingers and a thumb. Surely that's a sign that you're an easy lay, or too inexperienced, or-

"Just let it happen, baby. I can feel it, Just let go" Joel says, his voice cutting through the thoughts racing through your mind, his fingers crooking inside you and dragging across the spot that makes your hips stutter and a cry fall from your lips.

You can't hold back any longer, the pleasure cresting and crashing down around you. You squeeze his fingers, your back arching, the heels of your feet digging into the mattress as you roll your hips up into his touch, seeking more and more and more. And he gives and gives and gives, working you through it and drawing it out for as long as he can before you melt into the mattress, bones and muscles liquid and warm and satisfied.

He pulls his fingers out, and the sudden emptiness draws a disappointed whine from you, his answering chuckle making you smile.

"That was- fuck" you sigh, not quite capable of coherent thought.

"Absolutely mind-blowing? Yeah I know" he teases. You roll your eyes but don't say anything because it's true, and his cocky grin fades into a soft smile, his eyes crinkling at the corners as he watches you return to Earth. 

"Can I- can I return the favor?" you ask, your gaze flicking down to the noticeable bulge in his jeans.

He grunts and shakes his head.

"Not yet. Got somethin' else in mind."

You frown and push yourself up onto your elbows, watching as he shifts from his position. You're about to ask what he's going to do until he's settling himself on his stomach between your thighs. You suck in a sharp breath as you realize exactly what he's got planned and your heart jumps, anxiety clouding your mind once again. 

He rests his cheek on your thigh, his eyes meeting yours.

"Alright?"

You swallow and nod, licking your lips.

"Yeah. Just... no one's ever-"

"Yeah, I got that much, that's why we're here" he says, smiling smugly when you glare at him. 

"But what if it's not good? Or I don't taste good? Or-"

"Stop" he says, the single word halting your runaway train of thought. "You need lessons in relaxing, not sex. You're so fucking tense all the time"

"Sorry" you say, immediately cringing.

He sighs, his breath ghosting over the skin of your inner thigh, making you shiver. "What did I say about apologizin'?" he says, his tone slightly sharp.

"I know. Sorry- shit, sorry! Fuck!"

He barks out a laugh and you huff, bringing up both hands to scrub over your face.

"See what I mean?"

"Yes, yes, you're very smart and know everything"

He hums and nips at your thigh.

"Damn right I do."

You want to snark back, but his mouth is moving, his lips trailing down the inside of your thigh and towards where you're aching for him, slick and wet and throbbing. He takes his time, laying kisses on your thighs, hips, and stomach, his scruff scraping the sensitive skin, huffing out a laugh when you start to squirm, your patience wearing thin.

His hands smooth over the soft flesh of your inner thighs, urging you to spread them wider before spreading you open with his thumbs, exposing you completely. You feel exposed, vulnerable, and the urge to close your legs and hide yourself from his gaze is overwhelming, the embarrassment making your skin burn. But before you can even think about closing them, his tongue is on you, sliding up the length of you and circling your clit. The moan that escapes you is embarrassingly loud and high pitched, but the mortification is easily swallowed up by the pleasure.

He hums against you, the sound and the feeling sending a shudder through your body. Your hands grip the pillow behind your head and you try not to buck up into his mouth, but your attempts are futile. He doesn't seem to mind though, in fact you think it spurs him on, his tongue flattening against you and lapping at you messily, the wetness he's coaxed from you smearing across his mouth and chin.

The sound is lewd and obscene, the sloppy, slick noises and the soft grunts and groans that rumble in his chest as he works you up. He pulls back, his breath coming out in pants, his chest heaving as he looks up at you, his eyes dark and hooded.

"Don't know what you were worried about" he says, his voice low and raspy. "You taste fuckin' divine"

His beard is shiny and damp, his lips glistening, hair messy from where your fingers were tangled in it. The sight of him looking so completely disheveled and filthy has you clenching around nothing, the ache almost too much to bear.

He doesn't say anything else, just ducks his head and gets back to work, his mouth moving with a renewed urgency, his hands gripping your thighs and pushing them further apart, allowing him better access.

Your eyes roll back and your mouth falls open, a constant stream of moans and whines and babbling pleas and praises falling from your lips, but you're not really sure what you're saying, not really sure of anything except the intoxicating pleasure coursing through your veins.

You hear him moan, can feel the vibration against your skin, and you glance down at him, and that's a mistake. The sight of him, his eyes closed and brows drawn together in concentration, his cheeks hollowed out as he sucks and nips and laps at you and– is he fucking grinding his hips into the mattress?

You're fucked.

A throaty moan tumbles past your lips as your hips start to rock, a rhythm forming as you chase your orgasm. His hands leave your thighs and he slides one arm up, the weight of it resting against your abdomen to keep you still while his other hand snakes down, fingers dipping inside again, finding the spot that makes you see stars.

"Fuck, Joel, please, oh my god, I'm so- please"

He groans in response, the hand on your stomach pressing down harder to meet the two fingers curling and stroking inside of you. You cry out at the increased pressure right as he wraps his lips around your clit, sucking and swirling his tongue around the bud, his fingers moving faster and faster. Flames lick up your spine and spread throughout your body, threatening to burn you alive. 

Your orgasm hits you like a freight train, knocking the wind out of you and turning your limbs to jello. Wave after wave of blinding euphoria crashes over you and all you can do is cling to the pillow and arch your back, your toes curling as he continues to work his fingers and tongue, happily letting you ride his face and grind into his mouth.

He doesn't let up, not until you're a whimpering, trembling mess, physically pushing his head away when it becomes too much. He pulls back reluctantly, a wicked grin plastered to his face, his chin and mouth absolutely soaked. You're panting, struggling to catch your breath as the aftershocks make you shiver despite the content warmth spreading throughout your entire body.You feel sated and sleepy, a bone deep satisfaction making you feel boneless. 

But as you come down from your high, rational thoughts start to filter in and you suddenly remember the reason this all started in the first place.

You're here to learn, he should be teaching you how to please a man.

How to please him. 

You watch as he gets off the bed and wipes his chin with the back of his hand. Your eyes shamelessly rake over him, the dusty pink flush that decorates his neck and chest, the curve of his belly down to the impressive bulge in his jeans. 

You push yourself up, ignoring the way your arms tremble with the effort. He looks at you, his eyes scanning your face no doubt looking for signs of distress.

"You ok?" he asks, eyebrows pinched together in his typical concerned Joel fashion.

"Yeah" you say, a little breathlessly. "But I still want to..."

Your voice trails off and you glance down at his crotch, hoping he gets the message.

"That's alright, baby. It's a lot, we don't-"

"No" you interrupt, a hint of desperation in your voice. "You said you would teach me. Please, Joel. I-I wanna learn" You hope it's a good enough cover to the fact that you really just want him, your original goal forgotten. "I just don't want to embarrass myself" you add, pouting slightly for good measure, praying to god that he can’t detect the underlying want for him and him only.

He watches you for a moment, seemingly contemplating his decision. And then his eyes narrow, because of course he knows. There's never been an instance where you succeeded in lying to this man. He always, always knows when something is off.

"Alright" he says, a slow smile spreading across his face, something mischievous sparkling in his eyes. "Dick sucking class is now in session"

You groan, your face twisting with visible disgust.

"Oh my god, that was terrible."

"What? It's true" he says with a shrug.

"That is- no, no way. Never say those words ever again. Ever." you say, pointing a finger at him accusingly.

"Or what?" he challenges, taking a step towards the bed.

You gulp and lick your lips.

"Or..."

He waits expectantly for a response. You have none, so you just shake your head and look away.

"Yeah, that's what I thought"

You glare at him and then sigh.

"You're a bully"

"Am I?” He asks, taking a step back to give you more room. “ 'Cause you're the one that asked me to teach ya. On your knees, kid. Let's see whatcha got."

You chew on the inside of your cheek, trying to suppress a grin. You don't know how he does it, but his ability to make a joke or a quip out of anything always has a smile tugging at the corner of your lips, even when the jokes are awful and the puns are terrible. Even when the joke is about you getting ready to suck his dick. 

"You're a bully and a pervert" you say, sliding off the bed and sliding to your knees, the plush carpet doing a decent job at protecting your joints.

"And proud of it.”

"Pride is a sin."

"So is premarital sex, so I'll see you in hell, honey"

You snort and look up at him from your place on the floor, grinning widely.

"You're ridiculous"

"You love it"

And that's the thing, isn't it?

Because you do. You love his innate ability to make you laugh, to make you smile even when he's about to take your fucking virginity. He knows how to comfort you, how to put you at ease, when to push you with his teasing and when to pull back and let you take control. You've never met a person who has so effortlessly made their way into your heart.

And here you are, on your knees for him under the false pretense of practicing for a man who's name you can't even remember right now.

You shake your head, the motion clearing the thoughts and the emotions that were swirling in your head, the ones that make you want to stand up and kiss him, kiss him until your lips are numb and you're left gasping for air.

"Joel?" you say his name softly.

"Yeah, baby?"

"Teach me."

Part 2 is already in the works I promise hehehe thank you for reading I hope u all enjoy!!

[onepiece-fics]

Strawhats' reaction to their S/O napping randomly in weird places

Summary: Strawhats reacting to their partner falling asleep in weird places in positions randomly.

Warnings: Gender-neutral reader. General fluff. Mentions of gaslighting but in a joking way (incredibly unserious).

Word count: 1126 

Luffy

Honestly, he’s too stupid to consider that it could be a health issue so he just kinda thinks it’s cute

It’s not until someone like Chopper or Nami asks him if you’re okay that he’s like “Wait a damn minute…. Is my partner okay???”

He’ll confront you about it, super concerned, asking if you’re dying and you’ll be like “ ??? what now???”

He’ll sit with you as Chopper examines you with very stern eyebrows. When Chopper tells him that you’re fine he has the BIGGEST smile on his face.

Would probably either join your naps (and also sleep in weird places/positions) or poke you until you wake up lol. 

Zoro

Dude will join your naps, no questions asked.

He’ll ask you if you’re okay, but once you tell him that you’re fine he shrugs his shoulders and just lies down near you. 

If you look particularly uncomfortable if you’ve somehow squeezed yourself in between two boxes or something he might pick you up and plop you down in a hammock instead.

Most of the time though he just sits or lays down next to you, with an arm around your shoulder or waist.

He knows you think it's adorable to wake up with him half-snuggled into you <3

Nami

Before you start dating she might judge you a little. She might give you a weird look when she finds you hanging from your legs in her tangerine trees lmao.

When you start dating though she’ll find it cute as hell. Whenever she’s just walking around on the ship and finds you in the most random places it’ll make her giggle. 

When she finds you she’ll squat down beside you, move your hair from your face, and give you a kiss on your forehead as you wake up.

“Wake up sleepyhead, surely this can’t be comfortable?” she’ll say teasingly as she pulls you up on your feet (and drags you away to go cuddle somewhere) 

Usopp

He thinks it’s soooo cute but…. He might jokingly gaslight you about it.

“Oh Y/N? Remember that time I found you sleeping in the Cola barrel and you heat all of Franky's cola up with your body temperature? No? Dang, and Franky got so sad about the Cola too…”

He’ll only gaslight you for a little bit though before kissing you and telling you it’s a joke. He’s not doing it maliciously, he just thinks it’s funny to tease you and make up stories (and tell them to Chopper who totally believes it every time)

Honestly, I feel like Usopp would be the type to tuck blankets and pillows away in the most random places that you tend to fall asleep in, in hopes that you would use them.

He would also tell you to call for him if you start feeling sleepy so he can wake you up! 

In reality though, if you do call for him he’ll just get super soft and cuddly with you and you’d both end up napping together. 

Sanji

He’d be SO worried about you it’s not even funny

Would be sprinting to Chopper with you in his arms the first time you fall asleep in a weird place asking him to cure you immediately

After an intense check-up from Chopper (with Sanji crying, holding your hand) he’ll be so relieved that you’re fine.

He might scold you if he finds you in positions that look particularly uncomfortable, but he wouldn’t ever wake you up. He’d just pick you up and place you on a sofa somewhere and wait until you woke up to scold you.

Like Usopp, he would also ask you to tell him if you were feeling sleepy, but with cuddling 110% in mind.

If you ever come over to him and tell him that you’re sleepy you best believe this man is dropping WHATEVER he’s doing to pick you up and run somewhere you two could cuddle. 

Chopper

As a doctor, he’ll ask you some questions about it and be able to give you some advice on what to do.

Might prescribe you melatonin pills to take when you go to bed at night in hopes that you don’t nap at weird times/places.

Would definitely keep an eye on you and might get upset if you nap when he tells you not to (how could you do that to the poor doctor T_T)

Robin

I don’t think Robin would be all too worried honestly, I think she’d just find it cute

Similarly to Zoro, I think she might sit/lay next to you if she finds you and just read for a bit, stroking your hair if you’re lying in her lap.

She trusts that both you and Chopper know what’s healthy or not regarding your naps.

She might propose a daily naptime for you lol. Like, just a 40 min nap time where you’re leaning against her in the hammock or something like that.

Franky

It takes him a while to notice at first, and when someone tells him they found you under a carpet in the dining room he doesn’t believe them at all. When he goes to look for you and finds you under the dining room carpet though…. He loses his mind.

Honestly, I feel like Franky would just be baffled more than anything.

“But why would you nap there?? Aren’t there better places to nap? What if someone steps on you?” Mans is just incredibly confused. 

Might make you a smartwatch that gives him a notification whenever you fall asleep so he can go get you and put you to bed lol 

After it happens like 10 times he just starts joking about it even though he still doesn’t really understand. 

Brook

Another one that doesn’t really reflect on how weird it is lol

If he sees you lying somewhere random on deck he might just laugh at you

Will tease you about it when you wake up, might even make a stupid rhyme about it and get Luffy and Chopper in on the teasing as well 

But it’s all lighthearted at the end of the day!

Jinbei

I feel like Jinbei would be very confused like Franky, but would ultimately find it kind of cute. 

Might pick you up and carry you to your or his bed and tuck you in with a little kiss on the forehead

More than anything I feel like if another strawhat found you sleeping somewhere weird they would come up to him like “Jinbeiiii, they fell asleep on the stairs againnn” like it’s his duty to go pick you up lol. 

He might tease you a little bit about it because he finds it silly, but more than anything he finds it cute. 

[avenging-fandoms]

i know this will sound too weird, but can i request something for sin hours? where y/n is also a singer and she meets harry at the studio, they're both tired but end up having some... fun? LMAO i'm so weird (btw, i love your work and hope you're fine!)

*you know the faint moaning in 'cinema'? just.. you'll see*

**kinda long.. bear with me. i love this fic

*it's smut. if you don't like it, that's okay! i'm sure there's other great harry fics. if you aren't 18+ FUCK RIGHT OFF

-

You had just flown in from Japan that morning, but you couldn't turn down the opportunity to work with Harry Styles. Harry never did collaborations on albums but you two wanted to work together.

The building was nice, and outside stood Harry with a few other people. You hop out of the car with a smile, Harry's arms immediately opening and you couldn't help but squeeze him a bit. "I have loved you for so long, this is a dream."

Harry grabbed your shoulders and bent down a bit. "I have been obsessed with you for a long time, your lyrics are amazing." He compliments you and you can't help but blush. Harry flashes a smile before introducing you to the people outside. "Shall we begin?"

The session was supposed to start at 8, but you guys didn't officially start until 9:45. You all got caught up talking about deep things, adventures, advice. It was like you had known these people for years and you had just met them an hour ago.

When the session actually started, it was like magic as you two worked with one another. Correcting or changing something the other does politely, so many compliments and singing harmonies together.

"Yn, get in there with Harry and sing the harmony with him." You open your mouth to speak, but you just stutter. "You did it out here, go ahead."

You head into the room as you gulp and Harry holds out a pair of headphones. He counts you two down and the music starts, the both of you singing, enjoying how you sound together so much you can help but sing the whole song with him.

The audio ends and you let out the biggest yawn. "Oh my god, I'm so sorry. I just flew in from Japan this morning and did not get as much sleep as I needed when I got home." He holds the door open for you and you thank him quietly.

"I completely get it, I just came back from Greece." You sit on the couch and he sits next to you with a bit of space, listening to you both singing. "That sounds incredible," Harry looks at you and grabs your thigh. "You are incredible."

You inhale sharply, your lips becoming dry as you open your mouth. Your tongue pokes out slowly and he watches. "Thank you."

Harry winks and looks away from you, standing up. "Let me sing what we have for 'Cinema.' It's just the beginning?" He asks and you couldn't answer, you had no idea was 'Cinema' was.

The music started to go and he started to sing. You watched as he sang, closing his eyes softly, moving his mouth to the side sometimes. "If you're getting yourself wet for me, I guess you're all mine."

You move a leg over the other and lean forward, hand over your mouth. That was so fucking hot.

An hour later, a few people had to leave, then 20 minutes later everyone else left, you and Harry saying you're going to stay to record some more.

""Cinema' is quite the risqué song, Mr. Styles. I love it." You smile as you sit on the stool. Harry smirks as he closes the door, standing in front of your microphone.

"It's missing something though, don't you think? Especially in the beginning." He moves next to you, moving his stool behind you and you lick your lips quickly with an excited shiver.

"Yes.. but.. what were you thinking?" You ask quietly, looking up as he towered over you. His hand holds your cheek softly, inhaling slowly with a smile.

"I want something faint in the background. A noise. And with the lyrics in the song.." His lips kissing your neck softly, your hands immediately grabbing the back of his biceps and whimper.

"Harry.."

"Something like that, yeah." He chuckles and pulls away, laying you back against the stool. "Is it okay if I touch you?"

"Yes, oh god yes please." You beg and he moves his microphone next to him by your head. His fingers pull up your shirt a bit, pushing into your sweatpants and into your underwear. Your hips move in the air as you tried to get his hand closer, but he didn't move.

"So responsive. Do you like being touched?" He leans over you, hips in front of your face with his hard on pressing through his sweatpants. You drop your jaw and pull the waist band down and moan when his dick is exposed.

"Do you?" You ask, spitting in your hand and stroking him slowly, moaning as he slides two fingers into you. You moan and shake your hips, moving them against his hand. His palm rubs your clit as you do, your hand moving faster as your orgasm approached quickly. "Fuck me, Harry."

"Are you sure? I don't have.. I'm clean."

"Me too. And I'm on birth control. Just please fuck me." Harry picks you up over his shoulder, putting you on the couch and pulling off his hoodie, to which you took off your shirt. Harry kissed you and held your breasts in his hands, twisting and pulling and flicking your nipples as he pushes you back against the couch.

"I need a taste." Harry hums, disappearing between your legs and immediately moving his tongue all over your pussy. You gasp and grip his hair, rolling your hips and shaking. "So fucking delicious." You pulled him in for a kiss, Harry locking his arm under your knee and bend the other one. "Put it in."

You smile and grab his dick, sliding his tip up and down your pussy. "Fuck.." You throw your head back and Harry moves his dick against your clit, and you could cum just then. Harry got impatient and did it himself, the both of you moaning.

"How far is too far with you, Yn? Kink wise." He asked, moving in and out of you slowly. You bite your lip, holding his chin and pushing your thumb in his mouth, pulling him towards you.

"Show me what you got, Styles."

Harry picks your hips up off the couch and fucks you into him, your hands holding desperately onto his arms. He slowed down and flipped you over, pulling your hips up and holding your wrists behind your back as he fucks you roughly.

"Fuck.. fuck.. Harry.." Your fingers tried to grab anything, but he had a tight grip with just one hand. The other hand laid hard smacks on your ass, then gripping your hair tightly and forcing your head back.

Harry let go of your hands and held your hip, twisting your hair around his fist. You sit up and Harry pulls out of you, the both of you on your knees as you kiss him roughly. You sit him down on the couch and push his legs out, sitting on his lap and moaning as you slide onto him.

"Your moans are just as pretty as you sing." He whimpers, kissing your neck as you bounce on him. You lay back and hold his knees as you continue to bounce your hips. Harry's thumb rubs your clit and your moans harmonize together, your orgasm quickly approaching.

You sit up and grip the hair on the back of his head, biting his jaw and collarbone. "Can I leave marks?"

"I wish you could, but all my outfits expose my neck and chest." He throws his head back and closes his eyes. "Where can I cum, sweetheart?"

"In me." Your arms wrap around his neck and he laughs.

"Are you sure? That's very risqué." His nails scratch down your back and thrusts his hips up. Harry's mouth kisses down your chest, moaning against your tits as his nails dig in your skin.

"Come on, Harry. Come on.." You smile, brushing your hair out of your face. Your fingers trace his features and watching as he cums, smiling slowly as you hear him whimper your name.

"Did you..?" You shake your head and his eyes widen, now pushing you back against the couch and wrapping his left hand around your throat, ring and middle fingers on his right hand quickly fucking you.

You gasp and hold onto his arm for dear life, moving your whole body and screaming his name. "Good girl, good job." He breathes, pulling out of your slowly and kissed you gently. "Wait here."

You laid on the couch with a bright smile on your face, Harry coming back a few minutes later with towels. "Towels? At a studio?"

"Sometimes I get sweaty when recording, I just get really into it." He shrugs, spreading your legs open delicately as he cleaned you up while humming.

You sigh contently and close your eyes, Harry continuing to hum as he kissed your thigh, your hip, your stomach. You smile and move your head, licking your lips. He kissed your chest, your collarbone, your neck, your jaw, your lips.

"I'm going to need more studio sessions with you."

[ghost-recs]

CAN I ASK FOR YAKU OR NISHINOYA RECS IF U HAVE SOME⁉️

OF COURSE!! and why not both? my favorite liberos getting much deserved love💕

Nishinoya Recs

when you go away, i still see you by @kisskawa

synopsis: summer after graduation meant new beginnings, but it also meant goodbyes. however, you hope that some things never change.

i love the way this is written sm, fluffy oneshot with a tinge of angst.

thinking started feeling like burning by Grae_Coltrane [ao3]

synopsis: you had always thought you knew what would grant you happiness in life. but six years after graduation, you find yourself in front of your ex's house without a thought or feeling left in your body.

ngl, i was a little skeptical about this one, but it turned out to be so so cute! i love the way this is written, and noya is literally the sweetest little tornado! (thank you lovely anon for the recommendation!)

Bruises by Emocean (orphan_account) [ao3]

synopsis: you decided that soulmates are overrated, as yet another deep dark bruise appears on your body.

soulmate au in which the injuries your soulmate gets appears on your body as well, cute little oneshot!

Split Lives by GhostiMoth [ao3]

synopsis: you hate to think how slow and boring your life has gotten. after living a day in the body of your soulmate, hopefully that will change.

soulmate au where you and your soulmate switch bodies for the day, wholesome oneshot living the life of nishinoya.

Your Biggest Fan by queenofhyrule [ao3]

synopsis: being late to one of the most important games in nishinoya's career was not ideal, but the reason why was worth it.

best friends that obviously simp for each other, warning it gets spicier throughout (not totally sure how i feel about the ending, but still cute)

Strawberry Cream by skeletiddies [ao3]

synopsis: nishinoya takes tanaka's advice on how to confess to you, but things go horribly wrong.

crack oneshot, but a happy ending! this took me off guard, but made me laugh.

Bad Sleeping Habits by @oreosmama

synopsis: you and noya never know what to expect from each other before going to sleep.

just some short drabbles of the weird things you and noya do in your sleep, crack.

Yaku Recs

untitled: cloud 9 by @writingbymoonlight

synopsis: yaku shouldn't be held accountable for the way he acts around you.

coffee shop au, adorable oneshot that made fall for flustered yaku.

another untitled oneshot by @shoulmate

synopsis: yaku will take the disses if it means you will reveal what you truly think.

cute lil oneshot that i frequently occasionally think about.

Begin Again by hyuniebaby [ao3]

synopsis: after a toxic relationship, you're not used to being treated in the way you deserve.

YAKU IS A GENTLEMAN .

Burnt Out by 3rdgymmanager [ao3]

synopsis: yaku will respect your decision to quit volleyball, but not without some effort to persuade you otherwise.

oneshot that is purely yaku being the best supporter

If Only I Were Selfish by ThisNoodleWrites [ao3]

synopsis: yaku's biggest regret is that he wasn't selfish when it came to you, but time has given him a second chance.

timeskip oneshot with some reflections back to yaku's high school days, sweet happy ending.

[yurinaa-world]

Platonic Dan heng, jing Yuan, welt yang with a teen reader that's like lyney :3

Characters: Dan Heng, Jing Yuan, and welt yang platonic! x Gender-neutral Reader

Synopsis: with reader that's like Lyney

Warnings: Fluff, spelling mistakes,

𝒟𝒶𝓃 𝐻𝑒𝓃𝑔

Honestly, he’s blank about how he feels, but if you're happy, he’s chill; he’s read a lot of books about magic tricks, and they are just deceptions to his mind, but March and you insist on making an entire show about it. literally making a talent show with curtains and everything and taking everyone the express has to sit down and let curtains unveiled to see the new magic tricks that you've been working on for a couple of months (no wonder you’ve been stuck in your room for a while).

Only one to drag away because it’s getting dark. He knows you like to entertain kids and all, but since you’re a kid yourself (a technically teen), you should worry about your own bedtime (which is 10:30 PM, buddy).

“(Name)… What are you doing hanging the roof of my room..it’s 3 am?” “Pick a card~” “Get out.” Why are you so weird? he asks himself. If you want him to see your magic tricks, just ask like a normal person (no one is normal on the express).

He does your make-up for you since you don’t have a stable hand to do your magician look (have you seen his red eye makeup? He knows what he’s doing) and also tells you to stop moving around so much just because he might poke your eye out with the eyeliner.

𝒥𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒴𝓊𝒶𝓃

Ha… Aren’t you such a trickster, playing the audience with suspense and making their hearts drop in a moment with your tricks? “Magic,” you say, but it’s just tricks; nothing can fool him, so go ahead and trick Yanqing; he’ll tease him about falling for it.

“The great magician is here to wow your world!” You smirk, appearing at the restaurant stage (where the band would be on), making this whole scene while he’s meeting people; he can’t get mad at you or anything since the restaurant owner asked you to be there!! “Keep your eyes on me since I’m the greatest magician, and no one else.” Well, you got to work on that personality, but good performance.

He gives you a little gift on your birthday that's magic-related, especially a new outfit for you to wear. He can’t have you looking shabby on the stage you've been waiting for so long (he’ll also get you on stage to perform).

Are you a dirty lair playing innocent, like he doesn’t see you cheating while playing chess together? You could fool anyone with those glitter magic tricks or birds coming out of your hat, but did you forget who you were against? Maybe you should’ve thought about it more thoroughly, hmm, don’t you think? A child is nothing against an adult in strength or brain.

𝒲𝑒𝓁𝓉 𝓎𝒶𝓃𝑔

Your biggest support, he always claps the hardest whenever one of your little magic shows is over, and! I’ll give you advice on what to change, like real advice to make your audience feel better suspense. No matter what you're doing, keeping the audience on the edge of their seats is something every magician should do.

“Mr. Yang! How do you do it? Would you like to see it??” You smile, dragging him away to your room (with magic trick tools all over the room), hyping up your show until it fails and you mess up, which makes you sulk. “How could it not work?!” He comforts you, telling you you could get to work next!

if you liked this, consider tipping me on ko-fi! it'd mean a lot!

[faithintheunknownsblog]

How do pip and alucard (seperately ) deal with a reader who is oblivious to them liking her?fluff plz

A/N: I'm so sorry, I promise I didn't forget- I've just been trying to get more chapters

Alucard

Alucard would just get tired of it, blankly staring at you and plainly asking you, “are you stupid or something?” 

“What?” You ask, taken aback by the rudeness.

“Are you stupid or something,” Alucard asks again in a serious tone that still has a sprinkle of annoyance mixed in since he had to repeat himself.

You shake your head, “no, I heard what you said. I’m just wondering what the actual fuck makes you think you can talk to me like that.”

“Well, clearly you are too dumb to realize I’ve made multiple advances in attempts to court you.” Alucard says plainly. This old geezer still thinks ‘courting’ is a thing.

“Did you offer the plumpest goat in the whole village to my father as well?” You ask sarcastically, “the Hell are you talking about ‘making advances’?”

“I have been doing like what they do in those movies-” Alucard has been watching cheesy rom coms in attempts to learn how to flirt, “-trying to woo you, but you just haven’t caught on.”

You couldn’t keep yourself from laughing, “that’s why you’ve been acting weird?!”

Alucard stays silent.

When you finally stop laughing and catch your breath you rhetorically ask, “Alucard, you do understand that life doesn’t work like that, right? All of those people are actors and the whole thing is scripted.”

Alucard grumbles, “Seras should’ve just let me give you the letter.”

“Letter?” Your curiosity immediately peaks, “you wrote me a letter?”

“Yes,” Alucard pulls the letter out from his jacket and hands it to you. Though he does not show it, he’s nervous as he watches you delicately unfold the paper and your eyes skin across it.

“Huh,” you keep your look unwavering as you look back up at him. Knowing that your unimpressed demeanor has him sweating bullets, then you fold up the paper and with a smirk say, “I could get used to these types of letters.”

“So that means you’ll let me court you?” Alucard asks.

You chuckle, “it’s called dating now, but yes, I’ll let you ‘court’ me.”

Alucard gets the biggest smile, “I told Seras the letter would work.”

“Yeah, you shouldn’t take dating advice from her anymore,” you laugh.

“Well I shouldn’t need to, now  that we’re together,” Alucard says happily.

You just roll your eyes and wave your hand to shoo him away, “alright, now go, I have to finish my work!”

“As you wish,” Alucard tips his head and leaves, now a very happy man to be courted with you.

Pip Bernadotte 

You and Pip are laughing and joking around like usual, but out of nowhere with absolutely no context he says “you make it very hard for me, you know?”

You and him tend to joke around, making lewd jokes, so you assume that’s what he’s doing now, “yes, I know. I wouldn’t be surprised if you had a picture of me you wank off to every night.”

Pip shakes his head, “no, not that way. Well, not all ze time, but zat’s not what I’m talkin’ about now.”

“What are you talking about then?” You ask Pip.

“Not to kiss you, I think about it all ze time,” Pip’s attitude is no longer playful. He constantly thinks about what it’d be like to hold you tight as he gives your soft lips tender kisses. You make him so happy and you’re all he thinks about. 

You go back to not taking him seriously and thinking this is a joke. So you decide to test him like you’ve done before and playfully say, “do it then.”

Pip is tired of all the joking, he leans in and kisses you so passionately, the world fades away. At this moment the rest of the world fades, it’s only you and him as it should be, always and forever.

When you two break apart, you're both breathing heavily, the kiss stole all the air out of both of your lungs and after a long pause Pip finally breaks the silence, “zat what I meant.”

You couldn’t help but chuckle, “I’ve already figured that out by now.” “Just makin’ sure-” Pip smiles, “-because it took you zis long.”

You roll your eyes and Pip steals another kiss, which he will be doing with every chance he gets from now on.

[shifterbee]

WARNING: LONG POST AHEAD

My Relationship With Reality Shifting

What I'm going to be talking about:

How I found out about shifting

My initial thoughts/ feelings about shifting

What led me to believe in shifting

Why I don't doubt that shifting is real

What doubts I do have (let's be honest, not everyone can be completely free of doubts)

My approach to shifting when I first started

My current approach to shifting

I didn't want this post to be too long so if you want/need me to explain anything further then let me know <3

Any trigger warnings will be in place wherever may be necessary <3

How it all started:

Like many people in this community, I first found out about shifting through TikTok in 2020. In my case, it was around mid-September when I was scrolling through my FYP and saw the video that changed my life forever.

OK, that was a bit dramatic, but you get the point. The video that I saw was this girl acting out something that she claimed happened in her DR. The scene went something like this (my memory is really blurry, so bear with me):

She had just shifted back to her DR, and It was during the battle at Hogwarts. there were a bunch of people coming up to her saying things like "Where did you go?" and "We missed you so much"(your typical 2020 misinformation). the battle was starting, and she looked at everyone and said, "I know what will help us. everyone close your eyes, trust me." IDK, I think she was trying to group shift everyone out of her DR???? either way it didn't work but when they opened their eyes the portals from Avengers Endgame(I think) started opening up and the Avengers stepped out of them. Her reaction to that was like "Well I guess that also works".

There might have been more to it, but that's all I can remember right now. Also PLEASE tell me if you also saw that video and/or remember who posted it. I wonder what they're doing now.

At first, I was a little confused, but then I looked at the tags and saw one that said: "reality shifting." at this time, my FYP was filled with a bunch of fanfic-related stuff, So I guess because of that, I just assumed that reality shifting was just a weird fanfic tope used in crossover fics. I was also sort of on DracoTok, so I wasn't really confused about why I would be seeing Harry Potter fanfic on my FYP.

I scrolled away from the video and didn't think much of it until a few days later when I looked up the tag and saw a bunch of videos with advice and methods on how to shift. at this point I was very confused and I was just thinking "Wait, are these people being fr". After scrolling through the tag for a bit I found a video explaining what it was.

I don't know who made that video. But one thing I do know is that I have never doubted the existence of shifting since.

Why I started believing:

I'm just going to use bullet points for this section. but if you want me to go into more detail about anything, let me know.

my prior knowledge/belief of out-of-body experiences (i.e. astral projection)

my belief that humans are always more powerful than what we usually think/believe.

Also, potential TW: brief mention of drugs

probably the biggest reason was a story I heard from a YouTuber about one of his friends who, after taking DMT, claimed to have lived in a forest with elves for 3 years and was able to give a detailed description of what happened in those 3 years. The story I'm talking about is about 10 minutes into this video I immediately thought of this story when I saw videos of people talking about their experiences in their DRs. And since this drug is something that can be naturally produced by the brain, it didn't seem like much of a stretch to suggest that you could trigger its production without taking any drugs.

I want to make it very clear that I am not promoting or encouraging the use of drugs/illegal substances in order to shift.

My approach to shifting then vs. now:

I have always treated shifting like a skill. At first, I thought that if I practiced the methods/techniques I learned from Shifttok enough, I would eventually have to shift.

Now, I treat shifting as something you allow yourself to do rather than force. It's kind of like sleeping. The more you try to force it, the less likely it's going to happen.

More recently, I have been focusing more on improving my confidence when it comes to my abilities. In my opinion, it is not enough to intend to do something you also have to have the confidence to be able to do it.

I think that is why most people aren't shifting. There are only so many times a person can fail at something and not lose their confidence.

End Notes:

I think that this is all I wanted to say. But, once again, if you want me to explain something, let me know what it is.

[m-jelly]

The bunny's keeper - Chapter 4

@ladycheesington <3

Levi x fem! reader.

Modern AU, fluff, romance, falling in love, Levi has tattoos and piercings, bad boy Levi, protective Levi

In this chapter: After standing up for yourself and talking to Levi, you go meet him for lunch. As you make your way to him, you get a bit scared and run into Levi's arms. Levi and Erwin try to meet the biggest gang leader in the city, but it doesn't go well. Both men seek your advice and you begin plotting together.

Massive thank you to @ladycheesington for helping me flesh this story out and helping with the side plot of Erwin and how the gang started <3

Part 5

You sat on the fire escape outside the window to the apartment with a cup of tea in your hands. It was a nice warm summer day. Today you have some time off work so you can relax and do some housework. You were people-watching mainly and you noticed a bit of a nasty exchange going on between two men. You frowned a little when one seemed to be fiddling with something in his pocket.

You narrowed your eyes a little before shouting. “I wouldn’t do that if I were you!”

The man flinched and looked up at you. “What?”

You sipped your tea. “Pull that knife out and stab that nice man. Bad idea.”

“What do you know, huh!?”

You sighed. “I know this area is looked after by Erwin Smith and Levi Ackerman. You’re in gang territory. So, put your silly little paper cutter away and piss off.”

He walked closer to the fire escape. “What if I come up there and cut you?”

You turned your cup upside down and poured your hot tea on him. You smiled as he screamed in pain and stumbled away. “Bye.”

He panted and tripped. “Bitch!”

You waved to him before looking down at the man left. “You okay?”

He walked closer. “I am. Thank you so much.”

“You’re very welcome.”

“I’m Richard.”

You smiled at him and said your name. “Nice to meet you.”

He laughed nervously. “You’re pretty.”

“And taken. Thanks though. So, do you need anything? Do you want me to call someone?”

He gazed at you for a while. “No, no it’s perfect. You’re perfect.”

You hummed. “Well, have a nice day and stay safe.” You stood up and waved to him. “Bye.” You climbed back inside and closed the window. You checked the front door was locked before making another cup of tea. “What a weird morning.” You perked up when your phone rang. “Levi!” You answered it and smiled. “Hello, grumpy!”

Levi softly said your name. “Hello. It’s so good hearing your voice. I miss you.”

“Miss you too.” You made your tea as you spoke. “Oh, something weird happened.”

“Oh yeah?”

You hummed and looked out the window. “Two men were outside the apartment in the street. They were arguing and one looked like he was going to pull a knife.”

Levi said your name with concern. “Are you okay?”

“I’m okay!” You giggled. “Anyway, I told the man off and said it was yours and Erwin’s zone and they needed to leave. I poured my tea on him and he ran off.”

Levi released a long concerned sigh. “Bunny, you’re amazing but that’s dangerous.”

“I locked up the place.”

He hummed in thought. “You’re very cute.”

You picked up your cup and sat in front of the coffee table. “Thank you. So, are you having a good day?”

“It’d be better if I was with you.”

You giggled. “You flirt.”

He moaned a little. “Bunny, I want to come home.”

“But you need to work.”

“But you have a day off.”

You nibbled your lip. “Well, how about I meet you? Unless you have gang stuff today.”

Levi smiled a little. “I don’t have gang stuff. I would love to have you come over.”

You squeaked in delight. “Yay! I will make you lunch!”

“I look forward to seeing you.”

You hurried to the kitchen area. “I’ll end the call so I can make you lunch.”

Levi whined on the phone. “But bunny.”

You propped your phone up. “Okay, we’ll stay on the call.”

“Good!”

“Do you want rice or a sandwich? I can put on the rice cooker.”

Levi hummed. “Sandwich, please. Is that okay?”

You smiled and got everything out to make something nice and big for Levi. “I’ll make something good for you. Do you want meat?”

“If we have some spare.”

You checked what you had and smiled. “We have some beef. I’m thinking some mustard with this and maybe some rocket and watercress?”

Levi hummed. “Delicious. Could you add red onion? I prefer it.”

“Absolutely!” You smiled as you put a bit of butter on first, and then you spread the nice mustard. You gently lay the beef and then add the veg on top and cut. “Do you want some crisps too?”

“Please.”

You placed the sandwich in a tub and then grabbed a handful of crisps that you knew would pair well. “I think this will be good.”

“You’re the best.”

You put everything in your bag before collecting your phone. “I’m on my way. I’ll end the call.”

Levi whined again. “Don’t. Keep talking to me.”

You giggled as you pulled on your shoes. “Just a needy grumpy. You are so cute!” You unlocked the door and then locked it behind you. “I’m gonna give you so many kisses when I see you.”

“You better. I need my kisses.”

You checked the road before jogging across. “I love you.”

Levi mewled. “You caught me off guard then. I love you too.”

“Is work going okay?”

He released a long. “It’s going okay. A lot have come in today. We’ve made some good money.”

“Proud of you. You’re doing so well Levi. You work so hard and you’re so sweet. You always make…” You stopped walking and turned quickly when you had this overwhelming feeling that someone was following. “Mm…”

Levi called your name. “What’s wrong?”

“I just felt like someone was following me.”

“If you feel like someone is, it’s likely true.” He moved around where he was. “I’m going to come and meet you halfway.”

You gripped your phone. “I think I’m probably imagining things.”

“Bunny.”

You started speed walking. “It’s probably nothing.”

He grabbed his tool belt and strapped it on, which he would use as weapons if he needed to. “I’m still coming to meet you.”

You came to a stop and turned again. You felt a cold shiver go through you. “I don’t like this.”

“Keep moving bunny. I’m on my way.”

You backed up a bit before turning and slamming into a man’s chest. You felt your cheeks burn in embarrassment. You bowed your head and avoided his gaze. “Sorry!”

The man spoke softly as you ran. “It’s okay.”

You glanced back at the man and thought you recognised him, but you weren’t sure and couldn’t put your finger on it. You moved your gaze ahead and saw your handsome boyfriend jogging towards you. “Levi! Hi!”

Levi smiled and sprinted right up to you. He tackled you into a hug and held you tightly. “Hey, are you okay?”

You squeezed him. “I’m okay now you’re here.”

He kissed the top of your head a few times. “I’m sorry you were scared.”

“It’s okay.” You gripped him. “I feel back though.”

“It’s okay. I was happy to come meet you.”

You looked up at him with your wide eyes. “I kind of bumped into a man too.”

Levi stiffened. “You bumped into someone? Where?”

You looked behind you. “Oh, he’s gone. He was that way.”

Levi clenched his jaw. “I don’t want to scare you, but that man was likely the person following you. He bumped into you on purpose.”

You shook a little. “What?”

Levi didn’t mean to scare you, but it was concerning. “Don’t worry about it. Let’s get back to the workshop and have a nice lunch together. You can stay there all day.”

“If you don’t mind me being with you all day.”

“Not at all. I love it.” He held your hand and walked with you to his workshop. “I have an office here that’s comfy and clean for you.”

You smiled at Levi then giggled and waved at his workers. All of the men there were so friendly and sweet to you. As soon as you got to Levi’s office you melted into the sofa in there. “Comfy.”

Levi cupped your face and kissed you. “Are you okay, darling?”

You nodded. “I’m good, but I’d be better if you ate your lunch I made you.”

He sat down next to you. “Let’s eat then.”

You rummaged in your bag and gave him his lunchbox. “Enjoy.”

“Did you bring something to eat?”

You pulled out your lunchbox. “Yes. I knew you’d want me to stay with you.”

“I need you.”

You whined a little. “You fluster me so much.”

Levi chuckled, and then he started eating. “Mm, bunny this is so good. Thank you.”

You leaned over and kissed his shoulder. “I’m glad you like it all.”

“You’re the best.” He kissed your neck. “I’m going to get you something to protect yourself, okay? I need you to stay safe. I don’t want that to scare you though.”

You smiled at him. “I understand. I do.”

“I’m glad. It’s just until Erwin and I make a bigger mark on this place.”

You leaned against him. “You’ll be amazing. I know it. I believe in you both.”

“Thank you.”

Levi watched Erwin as he kept fixing his suit over and over. “Erwin, you look fine.”

Erwin looked over at Levi. “I need to make sure it’s all perfect.”

Levi picked up Erwin’s phone and video-called Kay. “Hey Kay, so your man needs you to talk to him.”

Kay giggled. “What’s he worried about?”

“His suit.” Levi turned the phone to face Erwin. “Please tell him he looks fine.”

Kay gasped. “Bear! You look sexy! The suit is nice and tight. It grips you well!”

Erwin took his phone from Levi. “Do you think I look serious? Like I mean business?”

“Of course, my handsome man. You look like you own this city.”

He smiled sweetly. “Thank you.”

“The meeting will go really well, okay? You will rock this.”

“Thanks.”

“I love you.”

Erwin blushed. “I love you too.”

She hummed. “I have something to give you a boost.”

Erwin’s eyes widened when Kay flashed her boobs at him. “I…thank you. I feel very confident now.”

Levi stood up. “I’ll give you two a moment.” He slipped outside and looked around his workshop to see his workers gathered around someone. “Oi? What are you lot doing?”

The older man parted to show every single one of them was eating a muffin. In the middle of these men stood you in a cute dress with a smile on your face. The men who worked for Levi were like Dads to you and Levi. Levi and you had your fathers, who were incredible people but it was always nice to have a lovely group of dangerous men look after you as well. Levi employed men who needed to help their families, came out of prison and wanted to change their lives or has a shit life and wanted to do better.

One gentleman smiled. “Your Mrs came to give us some food. She’s the best.”

Another nodded. “She’s so nice. When are you marrying her cause you need to snatch her up fast.”

You grinned and waved at Levi. “Hi, Levi.”

Levi melted at seeing you smile. “Soon. I’ll marry her soon.” He walked over to you. “Did you bake for everyone?”

“I did. I thought the gents would like something.” You looked up at Levi. “It’s going to be fun staying here with them.”

Levi cupped your face. “You’ll be nice and safe here.”

You put your bag down and wrapped your arms around Levi. “Please be safe today. I know you always do this, but this man is hazardous and head of a major gang.” You looked up at Levi. “I know you’re very strong, but you’re not unstoppable.” You cupped his face. “You’re human and you’re mine. Come home to me.”

Levi pulled you close and kissed you. “I’ll come back to you, I swear. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

He kissed you again and hummed. “I’ll be back later. Stay here.”

The most muscular man who worked for Levi, who was as sweet as anything moved over. “We’ll order some pizza later and have a little pizza party.”

You smiled brightly. “That sounds like fun!”

Levi ushered you to his office. “Take a nap in here when you want.”

“Promise.” You sat down and gazed at him, you looked like a sweet and innocent bunny to him. “I’ll wait here for you.”

“Good bunny.”

Erwin opened the office door. “Levi? It’s time to go.” He waved at you. “See you soon.”

You waved at Erwin. “Yeah, be safe. I don’t want my dear friend and boyfriend getting hurt.”

“I’ll keep us safe.”

“Bye, guys.”

Levi waved to you for a while before leaving with Erwin. “I miss her.”

Erwin smiled at his friend. “It’s hard leaving our girlfriends. Before we dated them, we just did anything and wasn’t bothered at all.” His gaze went soft. “I think it’s great.”

“It is. I like having that in my life.” Levi climbed into Erwin’s car and started it up. “I’ll drive you.”

Erwin sat in the front. “It’s odd to think that I will need bulletproof things in the future.”

Levi gripped the wheel of the car. “Well, we’ll have more people in the group by then and more money, so it’ll be easier to protect you.” He released a long sigh. “Erwin, this might go bad.”

Erwin clenched his fist. “I know. I know I’m racing into this head first and it might be too early, but there is a risk to your girlfriend. She’s my friend as well and I don’t want her to get hurt.” He let out a shaky sigh. “We have two choices, we kill him or we give evidence to the detective we work with.”

Levi tapped his thumb against the wheel. “If he went to jail, he would still have the power to hurt those we care about.”

Erwin released a long sigh. “I have a plan. We’ll get him to jail and then I’ll contact a few on the inside. Prisoners are killed all the time.”

“That could work.” He pulled up at the building and sat back. “Okay, let’s do this.”

Erwin released a long shaky sigh. “Yeah, let’s do this.”

The two of them approached the tall and expensive-looking building. Confidence was needed, but it was hard to be when you were walking into the enemy territory. As soon as they walked into the clean reception, it was clear that they were not wanted. It was a very cold welcome and it was like people saw them as a joke. It irritated Erwin a lot to be seen in a bad way, but for Levi, it was normal for him.

Reception put little effort into notifying Mr Francis Seymore. Levi knew that they were going to drag their heels. Levi supported Erwin and thought he was an incredible leader, he deserved nothing but the best. It annoyed him that people were not taking him seriously. He knew that he needed to stay in control of his emotions because he didn’t want to lash out or hurt anyone.

The two of them expected to enter the lift, but instead, a man came down that was Mr Seymore’s assistant. He walked over with a simple smile. “Good afternoon, gentlemen. I’m afraid Mr Seymore is too busy to see you.”

Erwin frowned. “We organised this meeting with him.”

“Oh, I know.” His voice was dripping with sarcasm. “Sorry. Mr Seymore is just too busy. He has given me some information to give you.” He handed Erwin a book that was a child’s guide to starting a group of friends. “Here you go.”

Erwin gripped the book tightly. “He said to hand this over?”

“Yes. He also said you remind him of a little puppy trying to take on a big wolf. Just know he thinks you’re amusing.” He smiled a little. “All right, thank you for coming.”

Levi grabbed Erwin’s upper arm. “Let’s head home.”

Erwin turned and stared at the book in his hands. “Sure.”

Levi pulled Erwin outside and put him in the car. He glared at the assistant, who was now laughing, before getting into the car. Silence filled the car as the car moved through the city back to Levi’s workshop. He sat in the car after pulling up to the spot for Erwin. The pure rage and devastation rolling off Erwin was making the car stuffy.

Levi looked over at his friend. “Wanna rip that book apart with something at my workshop? You can use any tool you want.”

Erwin’s shoulders dropped and his voice was soft, almost like he was holding back a sob. “He didn’t take me seriously. Am…am I…am I joke?” He glanced over to Levi to show his eyes were filled with tears. “You must be disappointed and ashamed of me.”

“I’m not. I’m proud of you every day. Your family lost everything and you’re working your ass off to restore what was taken from you. You are going about it all in a good way. You have good intentions and that does mean you have to work a lot harder.” He sighed. “We’ll make it through, I know it. We’ve faced a lot of shit in the past and we will face more, but we will pull through.”

“We will. We can do this.”

Levi rubbed the back of his neck. “You know, now our girlfriends know about us being in a gang, we could always ask them for some advice.”

Erwin smiled a little. “Sure, we’ll do that. They will be able to give us a fresh new look into everything.”

“Exactly.”

He cleared his throat. “Sorry for crying.”

Levi shrugged. “Would be weird if you didn’t cry. Nothing wrong with crying. I cry.”

Erwin rubbed his tears away. “It’s comforting to know someone very tough gets emotional.”

“Erwin, you’re human and humans have the pleasure of feeling many emotions. Let yourself experience them.”

“I will.” He smiled at Levi. “Thank you, Levi.” He let out a long sigh. “I really want to see my girlfriend.”

“You can see her soon. I just want to say, be happy that he underestimates us.”

“Why?”

Levi smiled. “Because then he won’t see what’s coming. We’ll fucking destroy him for underestimating us. He won’t be keeping an eye on us and that’s good.”

Erwin smiled. “You’re right.”

“I often am.”

Erwin laughed. “Sure, Levi.”

Levi smirked before climbing out of the car. “Got you laughing.” He tossed the keys to Erwin. “Let’s go see bunny and then you can see your kitten.”

Erwin walked with Levi. “Do you think they’ll have some food? I could do with eating something bad for me.”

“They said they were going to have pizza and Bunny did bake, so there might be some muffins left.”

“Sounds good.”

Levi led the way in and went to his office to see you napping on his sofa. He crouched down next to you as he petted your hair. “Bunny? I’m back.”

You woke up with a smile on your face. “Hey, handsome.” You sat up and stretched your joints. “Erwin, hello. How did it go?”

Erwin lowered his head. “Mm…”

You covered your mouth with your hands. “Oh, oh no. What happened?”

Levi sat next to you. “He made us feel like shit. He didn’t even meet us, he sent a damn assistant.”

Erwin handed you a book. “He gave us this.”

You stared at the book. “How rude.”

“Said we were puppies and he is a wolf.”

You looked over at Erwin. “Is he an idiot?”

Erwin frowned. “Idiot?”

You laughed. “Puppies? Puppies do grow up into dogs and wolves. They grow up so fast, you look away just for a one moment and they’re all grown up.”

“You’re right. You know, Levi said something similar. He said him underestimating us is a good thing, we can use it to our advantage.”

You tossed the book on the coffee table before sitting back and humming in thought. “Yeah.”

Levi gazed at you. “Bunny? What are you thinking?”

You nibbled your lip as you thought things over. “I have some ideas, but I don’t want to step on anyone's toes.”

Erwin sat on the coffee table. “We want to hear your ideas.”

You sat up and released a sigh. “We need to do some PR work. Mr Seymore kisses up to the rich, but he neglects the rich, who make up the biggest population. You need to win them over, so you should do things to help them out. Maybe pick a small community and do it up. Build kids a park there, and help fix up apartments there as well. Make the common man trust you.”

“We can arrange that. That’s smart.”

You pointed at Erwin. “You need to get the mayor on your side. The mayor is massively against drugs and is trying to clean up this city, so if you show him you’re helping clean the city he might work with you. Plus, you’re really good at talking to people. You need to connect with communities and shop owners. Build a network and even steal some people from Mr Francis Seymore, people he didn’t treat well.”

“We can do it slowly so he doesn’t suspect.”

Levi perked up. “What do I do?”

You leaned over and kissed his cheek. “You, my handsome man, you need to recruit people for the gang. You’re a well-known badass. People will join very quickly.”

He leaned over and kissed your face a few times. “I can do that.”

You shuffled in your seat. “The next part I know that Levi won’t be happy about, but I think it’s a really good idea.”

Levi hugged you tightly. “I’ll trust you.”

“Do you wanna know the best people to have on your side? The media. Get reporters, journalists and people like that on your side and they will spread the word for you and sing your praise. I know a lot of people in that world because I’m a brilliant editor.” You nibbled your lip. “Not to toot my own horn.”

“Play it, darling. You’re really good.”

You blushed. “Thank you. Well, I’ll get these people on your side and get them to do pieces on Mr Francis Seymore. He didn’t like one person doing a report, right? Well, there is safety in numbers. If we get multiple people reporting it he won’t be able to do a thing.”

Erwin smiled. “I like it.”

You smiled a little. “I will help you make connections and I will also help you with charity things.”

“Charity things? What are you thinking?”

“Well, we can bake things and raise money for communities and Kay can do some charitable paintings.” You smiled a little. “What do you think?”

Erwin smiled. “It’s the perfect plan. We’ll take everything from Seymore while looking like good and wonderful people.” Erwin chuckled. “You are an evil genius.”

“Thank you.”

Levi hugged you tightly. “You’re incredible, Bunny.”

You giggled. “I’m glad I could help. I just hope you’ll be okay with me getting involved with this all.”

“You might have a bigger target appear on your back, but I will protect you from anything that happens.”

“I know you will.” You smiled a little. “So, let me know when you want to do this takeover and I will reach out to my contacts.” You shifted a little. “Just to let you both know, I will be filming and taking pictures of the good deeds you’re doing to build an online following as well.”

Erwin stood up. “I think that’s a good plan. Getting people online to support us is useful.” He stared at the book. “I need sleep. This day has drained me.” He looked over at you. “Your ideas are incredible and we’ll start working on them tomorrow.”

You shook your head. “No, you both are having two days off and then we’ll start working. You both need to recharge. Sound good?”

Levi picked you up. “Sounds great. I get two days with you, I’m happy.”

Erwin chuckled. “Two days with Kay sounds perfect. I need a good rest. All right, in two days we start working hard to take down Francis Seymore.”

[blushweddinggowns]

Dustin Henderson was not, or would ever be, a cool guy. If anything he was a certified dork, but oh well. He knew that, and he had accepted it. It used to bother him a lot more, being aware that he would never be a part of the popular crowd. He was too weird, his interests too niche. Not to mention his condition. That had been a bitch to deal with, physically and socially.

But the thing was, despite his own uncool factor, he had the coolest older friends. Like, ever. There was Steve, who somehow managed to give him girl advice that worked, despite the fact he’d never been with one. Girl advice that definitely helped him land the best, prettiest, and smartest girlfriend in existence. 

And then there was Eddie, the coolest Dungeon Master to ever exist. Something that Dustin didn’t even feel guilty saying, not when Mike was his biggest fan. He was insanely creative. And he was also in a freaking metal band? And let him and all of his nerd friends come to one of his shows at the Hideout? He was also like, one of the most avid readers that Dustin had ever met, whether that be through fantasy or history books. And he knew like a shit ton about politics, even if it was only to have stuff to back up all of his anti-establishment ideals. He was so freaking smart, maybe not in like, science or math and all of the stuff Dustin was good at, but everything else? Genius, or at least in Dustin’s opinion. Maybe not necessarily his level of genius, but he was still up there. 

Which begged the question, why the hell did a guy like that have to redo his senior year? Especially since Steve had managed to graduate. 

Dustin loved Steve, he did. And in no way did he think that he was dumb. He was just smart in different ways, like having great instincts and kinetic skills. Well… he did do stupid shit but like, in a smart way? Maybe? Dustin wasn’t quite sure how to categorize his favorite weirdo. But one thing was for sure: if Steve could do it, why couldn’t Eddie? 

He doesn’t ask right away. He’d become a little bit more self-aware over the years, and he knew waltzing right up to him and asking, Hey, if you aren’t stupid then why can’t you finish highschool? was not a good idea. But he does wait for an opportunity. Because Dustin is Dustin and works in almost all accelerated classes, he actually managed to share two of them with Eddie. And it’s not until he forces Eddie to be his lab partner in Chemistry when he starts to get it.

It’s not that he’s stupid, he just literally can not pay attention. 

“Dude, come on!” Dustin groaned, head in his hands in front of his open textbook, “How are you not getting this?”

He could fucking hear the ghost voice of Steve in his head, bitching at him for his tone, but this was just to frustrating. And Eddie’s nonchalant attitude wasn’t helping things. 

Eddie shrugged, too busy spinning his keys on his finger instead of actually reading what was in front of him, "Told you you didn't want me as a partner."

Dustin could feel his eye twitch and if Steve wasn’t in the other room, he probably would be yelling in frustration at this point. But the last thing he needed was to end up under Steve’s armpit for a well-deserved noogie. 

“I just don’t get what the problem is!” Dustin groaned, “Like I know you’re not stupid, so why are you acting like it?”

Eddie glared at him, feet propped up on the table, “Rude.”

“Well it’s true!” Dustin hissed, “Seriously dude, what the hell is the problem?”

Eddie sighed, rubbing a hand over his face, “It’s not that I can’t understand. I just… can’t make myself care.”

That was weird. Dustin cocked his head at him, confused, “What does that mean?”

“Like…” Eddie tried, struggling for the words, “It doesn’t grab me? I don’t know, but I can read a paragraph and have none of it stick, no matter how many times I go over it. And you’re right. I’m not stupid, But if I’m not interested it’s like… my brain stops working. I don’t know how else to explain it.”

That… actually made more sense than Dustin had been expecting. He was pretty damn sure he could work with that, “So we just need to find a way to make it interesting to you right?”

Eddie raised a brow at him, “I guess?”

Yeah, he could definitely work with that. He sent Eddie to the other room, to do God knows what with Steve before getting to work. It was kind of a big project to randomly take on during the middle of a Sunday, but he managed. He might not have been as good an artist as Will, but he could at least add a decorative flair to it. 

Three hours later and two check-ins from Steve and he was done. He nearly skipped to the living room, too excited to even roll his eyes at the way both of them were shamelessly tangled on the couch together.

He skidded to a stop in front of them, proudly displaying his newly titled notebook, “Tada! The world’s first Dungeons and Dragons themed study guide!”

Was that a nerdy thing to say? Maybe, but Dustin didn’t care. He was proud of this one.

Eddie sat up, wide-eyed as he plucked it from Dustin’s hands while he explained what was inside, “So I set it up with a guide to translate real world chemicals to potions in the game right? And then the formulas are written here but the problems are all worded like you’re trying to do alchemy in the game. And here….”

He explained the whole thing, his smile growing as Eddie got more and more excited. Steve looked… happy for them? Even if he was slightly judging, just a little bit. But there were some things that jocks would just never understand. 

Besides, it did work. And it worked pretty damn well in Dustin’s opinion. He was the only one that Eddie even let try to tutor him, because he was the only one who actually understood his problem, despite how clearly Eddie was able to put it. 

It definitely made him feel special, because he was special. Eddie even said so, beyond grateful that he found himself able to pay attention to his hard subjects for the first time in… ever. It was the least he could do. Especially since he was dealing with what was probably the only school year in his life to have zero bullies. And he knew it wasn’t because everyone in highschool was magically more mature. He’d walked in on an insane amount of swirlies and heard too many insults hurled at other kids to think otherwise. But luckily enough for him, people just… stayed clear of Eddie. Like he was actually scary or something. And… okay. Maybe he was a little. But only when he was like, insanely angry. Like rabid-dog angry, but that wasn’t an everyday thing. Though that didn’t stop everyone else from avoiding Eddie and most of his friends like the plague. 

But Dustin was lucky enough to fit in a little better, which was good for all of the extracurricular shit he had to do with random people. It helped that he was friends with Lucas, who was bordering on the edge of just being completely normal, the traitor. And getting rides to-and-from school from Steve himself was also a major plus. It wasn’t like the equivalent to having a car, but it was close enough. And a surprising amount of girls were silly enough to think they could have a chance with him. Which was kind of insane, considering how he really never tried. 

Dustin considered the world lucky that Steve turned out to be gay. Otherwise he’d be too powerful. How would anyone else have a chance?

And weirdly enough, the random crushes actually worked in Dustin’s favor. At least when it came to random project partners and tiny club elections, but still. It was nice to have friends that were so cool. Cool enough to make Dustin not feel like a weirdo among his other peers for the first time in his life, while not having to change a single thing about himself. 

It was nice. Really, really nice. So yes, Dustin Henderson was a dork. But now he was a dork with an edge. 

from the latest chapter of this fic

[circuscountdowns]

Hi! Wanted to start off by saying that I LOVE your cotl art its such a huge inspiration to me :D! I recently picked up drawing again and I've unfortunately been upset? envious?! of others' skills and just wanted to ask if you ever experienced this as a fellow artist and if so how do you not do that lol. Sorry for the weird question. I just thought some insight and advice from a fellow artist could helo. BUT I hope you still have a nice day and look forward to any more cotl art or anything you draw really :D!!! (also is okay if you don't answer it is a loaded question I just be in a silly goofy mood lately okay bye!)

oh wow being on the receiving end of a question like this is surreal, I’m honored my work inspires you! Thank u, you’re sweet, it’s not a loaded question at all! Here’s my long reply sorry

so unfortunately that comparing yourself to others thing doesn’t go away ever asdfgjkl. I suffer it every day, it sucks, feels bad. I’ve had industry people tell me they feel this way and they’ll have some of the most gorgeous visdev/boards/animation I’ve ever seen. Disheartening to hear, But! I’m a big believer that comparing your artworks with others is best used as a tool and not a punishment to yourself!

When looking at art you like, try to turn thoughts of, “Man I wish my stuff looked like that, my shit sucks,” to, “What is it that I like about this piece? The line art? The perspective?” Sometimes I’ll see work with thin line art and I’ll get an itch, and I’ll draw something with thin line art. It’s a conscious effort of keepin emotion out of that itch, keeping it as, “I saw art with thin lines, I want to do that. Yay I did that!” Compartmentalize it, the itch was simply to do thin line work, not to remake the piece you were inspired by. And you got a piece of art out of it, and a single piece is progress no matter how small!

If you want to compare, do it methodically! Why does my work look different (never use the words better or worse)! Oh, I see my piece doesn’t follow the rule of thirds, so the framing is different, I’ll be aware of that next time if it bothers me. Or, Oh I see they shade by hatching along with the form, I’ve just been going horizontally, I’ll try that other way!

it’s a learning curve of training yourself, like all corrective behavior.

like, I kinda have the warning feeling of dread when I’m about to compare my work with something, so before the self-deprecating thought can even start I have to think What do I Like about this?

I’m no expert at it, though. Actually getting myself to think this way is a struggle, but I find when I make Thoughtful Observations I level up. Not by a lot most times, but yknow.

and this part is just my personal experience:

Fanart and the internet can be the biggest Art skill killer sometimes. Get offline and cater to the audience that Really matters to your passion: You! I improved the most by spending 2-3 years doing doodles/comics/models for my dnd campaign ocs because I was that obsessed and I simply wanted to have it for me!

and after all that, then there’s the hardest skill of just accepting your work as is.

like, to me, my work is just scribbles. I see other artists’ stuff and go “Man they’re so good at comics and colors, man, why can’t I color?” But do I need to??? I don’t like coloring, do I need to be good at it? This isn’t a career, this is supposed to be fun! I scribble because I like it! I’m glad this persons good at coloring, I don’t need to be! Yay!

if I Want to be good at it, I’ll take the steps to get there! But if not, my scribbles are just fine :) I love black and white and values

I’ve been having that one on repeat for a while. It helps

(acceptance and denial go hand in hand btw lol they sound the same)

I wish there was a little off button for envy, but ah well! I hope that you take comfort in knowing we are all feeling it, and find joy in even the smallest little doodle you make! Have fun stay goofy!

[tomwambsgans]

along that same vein, best part of rewatching ep 2 for me is always tom and greg's concurrent shmoozing of the roys. something about it is so literary to me.

like, we watch greg (definitely at least a little bit high bc he's shown to need it to keep his nerves down) do just the worst, most embarrassing job ever at trying to get in the good graces of the family. he doesn't deserve this, i'd be respectfully somberly willing, lmao, etc. and he gets given a task purely to get him to go away for a bit. tom recognizes this and gives him ironic advice to not fuck it up - made... more?--less?--i'm not sure--ironic by tom proceeding to do the same exact thing that greg was doing. it's just less obvious because in comparison to greg it's SO much less awkward. but if you pay attention to tom's conversation with marcia as its own thing, god is it truly just as embarrassing lol..... at least greg gets to go do some meaningless shit like figure out the difference between checks and gingham and tartan. tom is actually stuck in this weird limbo of maintaining/securing the unstable position that he already has. he throws out the absolute biggest piece of artillery he's packing, a huge risk, a wedding proposal, and snags his place by the skin of its teeth. (he ensures that he's not the same as willa.) simultaneously greg grabs logan's sweater at roman's request and leaves behind the papers. greg returns, they cross paths once again, and tom congratulates greg on his success, or rather their mutual success. he razzes him again and recognizes mid-insult that even if he's a step above willa they are the same, and there has been no competition this entire time, and this is perhaps his last chance to make sure he and greg will keep seeing each other. so he formally does what no one else would, and invites him in.

like idk if it's just me and my biases wrt the literature i personally read but i can so vividly imagine how all this could be novelized from tom/greg's povs in the style of like hollinghurst or monette or something. pure gay sensibility right there

[tropes-and-tales-archives]

Whistle Down the Wind, Chapter Two

Word Count:  2698

TW:  Pining, unrequited love, angst.

AN:  Part of a series.  The series masterlist here.

Sonny’s first month at SVU came and went.  It was rocky at first, and he was only willing to take some of the blame for it. Sure, he could be brash sometimes. He put his foot in his mouth more often than he wished – it was a family trait.  But the people of SVU were a tightly knit family, and he struggled to find an in-road with them at first.  They weren’t very friendly to outsiders.  Fresh zeppole didn’t work.  The best pizza in Manhattan didn’t work either.

He couldn’t talk to his parents about it.  Neither his father nor his mother agreed with his career choice, and if he complained to them, they’d just try to convince him to quit and move back to Staten Island to work at his uncle’s towing company.  

He couldn’t talk to his sisters about it.  He wasn’t that close with his two older ones, Gina and Theresa.  And Bella had her own stuff going on.  She and Tommy had gotten a place in Chelsea and were trying to figure out their life together.

He tried to talk to his girlfriend Nicole about it.  He usually staggered to her place, dead tired after work, looking for comfort. 

When he first started his tour through the SVU departments of the five boroughs, he tried to talk to her about the cases he was handling:  the rapes, the assaults, and abuse against children. She wrinkled her nose at him and complained that it was too unpleasant to hear, and he understood that.  He tried to talk to her about the problem of fitting at Manhattan’s SVU, but she just shrugged.

“You can quit when you pass the bar,” she replied, scrolling through her phone. “Then you can make a real salary too.”

So he texted you.

He wished his life wasn’t so hectic; he wished he could see you more often. You were a great listener, and you gave the best advice for someone so young.  You had helped him with his decision to enroll in law school – in fact, you had been his biggest fan and supporter.  Early on, you had even helped him study, sitting cross-legged on his couch and drilling him with questions before midterms or finals.  But he had met Nicole shortly thereafter, and she had pointed out that it was weird for a single guy to be such close friends with a single girl.  So he had drawn away a bit, and his life took over. 

But he still texted you.

Struggling at new precinct, he typed.  Co-workers don’t like me.  What should I do?

Quit your job, came the response.  My cover band needs some eye-candy to dance on stage while we play.  We can pay you in exposure.

Sonny grinned and watched his phone as you wrote out something more serious.

Just be patient, stretch. You’re smart and great at your job. They’ll come around.  No one can resist that Carisi charm, even the jaded film noir detectives in Sex Crimes.  I’ll send you a playlist to help pump you up.

This is why you’re the best, he typed.  Thanks for the pep talk.  Lunch next weekend?

He watched as the dots indicating that you were responding appeared on his screen, then disappeared, then appeared again.  But all that came through was the word, absolutely.

He replied with a date and time that you confirmed, then signed off by thanking you again.  You signed off with the poop emoji, an inside joke between the two of you because you’d spent your first year with a smart phone thinking it was a chocolate ice cream emoji.  That was something else that Sonny liked about you – you had a great sense of humor, and you were always able to laugh at yourself.

The smile on his face faded.  He deleted the string of messages between the two of you, then went to join Nicole in bed.  He felt a tiny pang of guilt to have been texting you while his girlfriend waited for him, but you were just a friend.  He thought that if he could just get Nicole to spend some time with you, she’d see that you were a great person and not a threat at all.

After all, how many friends took the time to create amazing, personalized playlists that perfectly captured the moment?  Over the years, you must have sent him a hundred different playlists: one for his graduation from the academy, one for law school studying, one for his workouts.  One for when his dad had a heart attack, one for when his nonno died.

He only deleted the messages because Nicole had gone through his phone once. Not that there was anything to hide from her.  But he didn’t want the hassle of another fight.

********

You waited at the restaurant for Sonny for half an hour before you just went ahead and ordered.  While you waited for your food, you texted him.  A reply came halfway through your sandwich – an apology.  He had deleted the original message, he said, and completely forgot.

You felt a pang but played it off.  Of course you were forgettable.  

He apologized three more times before promising to make it up to you. You told him about a performance you had in the coming week.  You were a guest performer with the Gramercy Chamber Orchestra and would be performing the cello for Schubert’s Arpeggione Sonata, one of the harder pieces for your preferred instrument.  You were nervous – and you rarely got nervous during performances.

Can I bring Nic? He texted.  I’d love for the two of you to get to know each other better.

Your mind immediately started to go to the meanest place (assuming that someone like Nicole wouldn’t be able to tell Schubert from Shostakovich), but you pushed those thoughts down.  It was completely unfair to stereotype, and you felt like a terrible feminist.  Just because she was gorgeous and well put-together didn’t mean she wasn’t nice or smart.  Or a music lover.  

You knew that part of your judgement came from your childhood.  Your mother had been a winner on the midwest beauty pageant circuit, and she had tried to transition to the role of stage mother once she married and had you.  That’s how your musical talents had been discovered so early, and that’s what won you more titles than you really deserved, but once you were old enough to rebel, you did.  It could have been fun – you saw plenty of fellow contestants with their mothers or aunts, laughing and genuinely enjoying the experience.  Not you though.  Your mother was too focused on winning for either of you to have any fun.  Even when you won, she still picked apart your performance until you felt tiny.

You kept up with the music lessons.  You abandoned the lessons in how to walk and smile around fake teeth. Your mother, in return, criticized you at every turn.  Your poor posture.  Your lack of care about hair or makeup.  Even when you found your own sort of aesthetic – eyeliner on regular days, a signature red lipstick for events – it wasn’t the right kind of makeup.  She even criticized the way you walked.  A lifetime of internalized judgement about beauty was sure to make you skeptical about Sonny’s girlfriend.  

The jealousy over the fact that she was Sonny’s girlfriend probably didn’t help.

You needed to be nicer, you chided yourself.  Maybe Nicole was a perfectly lovely person and you weren’t giving her a chance. Maybe instead of being jealous and giving in to your baser instincts, you could be kinder and expect something nice to come of it, like a new friendship.

Sure, you typed back.  Bella and Tommy will be there too. I’ll get two more tickets.

You explained to him how nervous you were and what a huge honor it was to play this piece, especially with a group of professional musicians who were world renowned.

It’ll be nice to have another friendly face in the audience, you told him.

Once you got through this performance, then you could focus on befriending Sonny’s girlfriend.

********

Sonny had the entire evening planned.  First, he’d cook dinner for him and Nicole, then they’d go to your musical thing.  Afterwards, drinks to celebrate:  him and Nicole, Bella and Tommy, and you.  He was determined to make you and Nicole be friends.  He wanted you in his life, and he wanted his girlfriend to know that you were a friend – and nothing more.

Dinner was a disaster.  He made chicken parmesan and risotto, but Nicole only picked at it.  She scraped the breading off of the chicken and refused the risotto altogether.

“It’s nothing but carbs and fat,” she complained.  

“Sorry,” Sonny said, ducking his head.  “I can bake you another chicken breast.”  He stood up and preheated the oven, popping another piece of chicken into a dish, seasoning it with just a bit of olive oil and salt and pepper.

Once it was cooked, he slid it on her plate and she gave him one of her brilliant white smiles.  “Thanks, babe.”

“No problem.”  He sat back down and finished his own meal, now cold.  “I’m looking forward to going out tonight.  I think you’ll really like her once you get to know her.”

Nicole rolled her eyes.  “I’m not really into classical music,” she said.  “Can’t we go to that new bar in Tribeca?”

Sonny gathered up the dishes and started loading the dishwasher.  “It’s important to her.”  He glanced over at his girlfriend and watched her stick out her lower lip in a pout.  “Maybe we can head to that bar afterwards,” he added.  “All of us can check it out.”

Nicole stood up and came to stand behind him.  “Yeah, a double date with a fifth wheel,” she muttered.  Sonny felt her snake her arms around his waist, and he leaned back a bit against her.  “Or we could just stay in and make it a regular date with just the two of us…” she added, trailing a hand down his front until she was cupping him through his pants.

“Nic,” he said, trying to make his voice stern.  He could feel himself responding to her brusque strokes, and he glanced up at the clock on the microwave.  “Well, we have a little time before we have to leave,” he finally conceded.  

********

You calmed your nerves the same way you always did:  you visualized yourself, alone, in deep, cool water. Surrounded by nothing but dark blue water.  Just you, floating in the cold and dark.  No sound – at first.  Then, as you surrendered to the cool and dark, the first notes of the piece you were about to play.  

No one else, nothing else existed.  Just you and the music.  No matter what, it was always you and the music.

When you strode out onto the stage in your sharp women’s tuxedo, your low heels clicking across the boards, you didn’t hear the applause.  You didn’t see Bella and Tommy in the second row, or the two empty seats beside them.  All you saw was your cello waiting for you and the slight smile on the conductor’s face.  This was the last piece of the evening.  The main event.

You took your seat, taking your cello and bow in your hands.  You felt like a witch sometimes with the instrument as your familiar.  A wholly living thing that you could work with your will.  And, in turn, it enchanted you.

Once you were settled, you gave the conductor the faintest of nods.  Then you began.

The musicians behind you were amazing.  The allegro flew by, and you almost fumbled on the adagio but didn’t. By the time the allegretto began, you and the cello were essentially one creature.  It was a sort of magic you could never put into words.

When the final notes faded and the conductor dropped his arms, you were startled back to reality by the thunderous applause.  You blinked against the lights and then blinked again as the conductor laughed at you and gestured for you to stand.  When you did, the audience stood up.  Then you were blinking away tears too and grinning so wide that your mouth hurt.

You found Bella in the audience and gave her your patented half-shrug, as if to ask, “not too bad?”  Tommy, looking uncomfortable in a button-down shirt and blazer, shot you two thumbs up.

It wasn’t until your gaze drifted to the two empty seats beside them that your smile fell.

When you went backstage to gather up your stuff (and receive congratulations from the professional musicians, which made you almost giddy from praise), you checked your phone.  No missed texts or calls from Sonny.  He probably got called in to work.  It happened more often now that he was with SVU, and you’d never hold that against him. His job was stressful enough without you piling on.

You met Bella and Tommy in the lobby, and you went out for a drink.  They couldn’t stay long – Tommy had curfew for his parole – but a couple of drinks were fine.

“You were so good!” Bella said, pulling you into a hug.  “I’ve never heard that much applause at any of your events before.”

Tommy nodded over his soda.  “I didn’t know the music, but it sure sounded great,” he agreed.

You sipped your own beer.  “I can’t thank you enough for coming,” you told them both.  You felt the usual tears of your post-performance high start to prickle behind your eyelids.  “I was so nervous.”

“I’m just sorry Sonny missed it,” Bella sighed.  You nodded and took another swallow of beer.

“Yeah, well…” you trailed off for a moment before continuing.  “Since he went to the Sex Crimes precinct, he’s been getting called in all the time.”

Tommy snorted.  “Sure,” he started, but Bella slapped his arm, and he focused on the tabletop.  You looked back and forth between them. 

“What?” you asked.  Bella sighed and Tommy looked up at you, sheepish.

“He sent Bella a text while you were backstage after the performance,” he replied, his face turning red.  “Let’s just say that he was committing sex crimes instead of investigating them.”

“What?” you asked again, confused.  

Bella sighed, louder.  “He and Nicole decided to stay in for a, uh…romantic night in.  Or so he told me in not so many words.”

“Oh.”  The buzzy feelings from your success dissipated in an instant, replaced by a burning jealousy. And, along with it, anger.

“He said he was going to try and stop by once we settled in at a bar,” Bella added gently, trying to soften the blow.  “I texted him when we got here, and he’ll be on his way soon.”

You shook your head and finished the rest of your beer.  “Text him back and tell him not to come.  I’m celebrating tonight.”  You flagged a waitress down and ordered three shots, which were promptly delivered to the table.

“I can’t drink…” Tommy started, and Bella cut him off.

“We need to get home before his curfew…” she said, but you talked over her too.

“These are for me,” you said.  You threw all three shots back, one after the other.  “I’m celebrating tonight.”  You ignored the look that passed between Bella and her boyfriend. You ordered more shots, then scanned the bar.  When the shots came, you downed those too.

“I’ll catch up with you later, Bella,” you said.  You pulled first her, then Tommy in for hugs, then waved them off. They gave each other that look again, but you ignored that too.  You shooed them away until they left, reluctantly, and only after you promised to text Bella when you were home safely.

You shouldn’t be so picky, Sonny had told you once. 

Too right, stretch, you replied in your head.  You made eye contact with a guy at the bar who gave you a brief smile and a nod.  You made your way over to him and let him buy you a drink.  And then another.  And another. Because you were celebrating tonight.

[catominor]

my fictional romeguys introductory post to contextualise the posting!!!!!

this is my little guys from my novel project which is currently in its Infancy very much. the story is set... somewhere roundabout the 80s-70s bce probably. it's broadly about two guys who make a jointly beneficial political alliance (and also become friends in the process) their psychosexual joint consulship and its consequences

main guys:

lucius furius m. f. sp. n. camillus: 45 years old, semi down on his luck patrician. he spends most of his time when he isn't trying to enhance his dignitas in the political sphere being a weird shutin and not leaving the house if he can avoid it. was injured very badly when he was young during a brief military career, preventing him from doing war stuff again... for now. (he also had a hugely comical and deeply formative crush on his commanding officer during said military career). ambitious beyond both his physical and monetary means. has been in a sexless arranged failmarriage for like 25 or so years with his wife, caecilia, whom he was married to because his family desperately needed money (but he does love her in his own weird way i think). also loves gardening, stoic philosophy, being maybe slightly addicted to opium wine, books in general, and being inside and in his house reading his scrolls (despite being in politics, having to shake all those sticky plebs' hands makes him want to kill himself fr. the price he pays for his rightful place in society as he sees it...). he is a huuuge sullan also. to him sulla did nothing wrong ever in his life. most famous for being a bit eccentric and reclusive, but still quite respected by most of the senate for his modest lifestyle and his refined and learned tendencies.

gaius martinus: our biggest handsomest general... a couple years older than lucius furius, wealthy plebeian senator. he's a bit of a new man; his family has only been in the senate for a couple generations and never attained the consulship. he's a simple type of guy really; he's a squarely competent (though not really that astounding) military commander, not very book-smart, and has an impressive appetite for all of life's pleasures. most people who don't instinctively look down on him for these traits tend to like him tremendously; he's easy to talk to, friendly, generous, and cheerful. he has a wife, poppaea, who he loves very much, and 6 horribly behaved sons to whom he is a beautifully absent father. his favorite things to do are hang out at the baths or the gymnasium, throw big dinner parties or go out partying with his friends, and do his thang commanding his troops and chopping people up with his sword in The Wars. he doesn't have very strong political leanings, and mostly just wants to be paid attention to, adored, etc. most famous for accidentally unleashing a pack of tigers intended for his games into the streets of rome while he was plebeian aedile, and for throwing big knock your socks off parties (and not getting mad at the guests for taking a little of the food home)

heres a main guys image (coin of them i drew):

others:

caecilia: lucius furius' wife in their arranged failmarriage. for her this relationship is constituted of a mix of resentment and love; they get along very well mostly, and in another life they could have been good friends, maybe, but in this one they're married and he's wasted her life. she helped him tremendously with everything he's done in politics, both with her advice and with her money, and in return she's mostly just been taken for granted. she wanted kids. there never were any. she thought he might die from one of his many ailments (he is the worlds sickliest man) soon enough; he never did. who's to say you can't love someone while also wondering if you could get away with killing them every now and then? she mostly passes her time by weaving, and writing vulgar epigrams which she publishes under a pseudonym for funsies...

poppaea: gaius martinus' wife. there isn't too much to say about her; she really is gaius' other half. like him, she's cheerful, easygoing, and enjoys the finer things in life. she loves gaius dearly, despite the fact that he's far from faithful; poppaea isn't the jealous type, or else, knows she can't really afford to be. she is also a wonderfully absent mother to their children, mostly preferring to leave the child raising to the nannies and take pleasant strolls around the gardens and go shopping in the big markets with her friends. she has a close relationship with her father, and often visits him.

quintus poppaeus: gaius martinus' father in law. a thoroughly slay old man. businessman who was never involved in politics (made his money from the mines), loads of money and mostly spends it on building hanging baths in his baiae villa, installing the latest garden fountains to flex on the neighbors, ridiculously swagfully effeminate outfits, and so. so many beautiful pet fish. his only child is his daughter, poppaea, and he adores her. he also has a very friendly relationship with gaius.

furia: lucius furius' younger sister and only living sibling. she's a bit like him if he were more mentally stable and normal. she's in a barely tolerable marriage with another aristocrat. her and lucius furius don't speak very often; she resents him a bit for having power over her i think (their father died when they were young) and he probably made her marry whatever crappy guy shes married to now (have i mentioned this is a work in progress)

theres other of my own characters but these are like. the ones who will Matter the most and that i will post about tbh

none of the stuff mentioned in here are things which would like. spoil any Plot so i wont say any more... im not too precious about spoiling things cause its such early days (plus i think if i write well enough it will be interesting to read even if you know what happens hopefully?) but i just dont want to make the post any fucking longer lol...

[intheholler]

Howdy! I absolutely love this blog and am so glad I found it <3 Do you have any advice for reclaiming (for lack of a better word) your accent? Mine is all weird from years of codeswitching/trying to hide it, and now that I'm older and have more pride in where I come from, I miss that I don't sound exactly like all the other people from my area. Thank you!!

hi there <33 im glad yall found it too lol. welcome!

also sure! i was (am?) in the exact same boat :') so i guess i could try to tell you what's worked for me.

my first advice would be to try and stop being so critical about what you're saying and how you sound when you say it. easier said than done, ik, because obviously when you code switch, you are very aware of and careful about how you talk, but that's the very first massive block i had to work on before anything else.

so, the first thing i did was work on detaching myself from that need and not policing myself as i spoke. i tried to just let the sounds come out, especially my vowels. i always kept those real tight bc i felt like they're the biggest "tell" i wanted to avoid.

i achieved this by talking to myself in private to shake off that internalized shit that made me wanna disguise it around others in the first place. no one can hear you but you, so just yourself have it, even if u feel silly at first like i did. i dealt with some imposter syndrome-esque stuff about it during this time.

its gonna sound goofy, but for a while, to get ur mouth back in the habit of making certain shapes during certain words, start talking to yourself in an exaggerated form of ur original accent. like fully put it on lmao. maybe even heavier than the one you used to have. this helped my brain get reaquainted with my mouth.

then i started just actively listening to myself think and talk. there is the comfortable and familiar way my brain wants the words to be formed in my natural dialect, and then there is my mouth that stops it out of codeswitching habit. it took active work and effort to make my accent go away, and it's taking active work and effort to make it come back.

anyway, a lot of my pronunciations i no longer have to "actively hear" myself give, so i know it's working <3

sometimes i'll even say something, pause and mentally be like "goddamn, what the fuck was that that just came out my mouth" and then im like "oh right, that's me 🥰 hello again, me"

im glad you're ready to start reclaiming this part of yourself and i wish you good luck. it's surprisingly hard! i started making a conscious effort three or four years ago and mine is still not as strong as i'd like.

[salemsimsrender]

@rockonjenny submitted:

Hi! I’ve been rendering for a little while on and off, and honestly I do not like any of my renders. My biggest weakness is lighting. Apologies if I missed a post on this, but any tips or tutorials on getting the lighting perfect? My goal is to make my renders look real and “instagram like” renders. Thanks in advance and take care!

Hey! You didn't miss a tutorial, it's on my list but unfortunately I haven't gotten to it yet. Hopefully soon!

Lighting in blender can be tricky and it takes practice to get it exactly where you want it.

Are you running in Eevee or Cycles? That'll make a huge difference in your lighting, but there are a few tips I typically use to get my lighting how I want it.

I've moved away from trying to emulate real life lighting (only having lights come from lamps/light sources) because I find the end result to be really dark/not what I'm going for. It feels weird to just add point lights arbitrarily but sometimes you have to to get the right lighting effect.

I try to use 3 point lighting on portraits for a more dynamic look. Here's a good article on 3 Point Lighting. I also touch on it in this tutorial.

You can also use HDRIs for your render background. I don't have a go-to source for these, but you can find a number of free ones online by searching HDRI in google. Here's a good tutorial on how to use HDRIs.

I do plan to do tuts of these specifically for sims renders but with the holidays I don't have time to atm. I hope in the interim that these resources help!

But the best advice I can give on doing render lighting is to play with it until you get it right. I'll typically SAVE my progress first haha and then add in my lights in render preview mode and move them around in real time to achieve the look I'm going for. Make sure you turn denoise on otherwise it'll be really hard to tell what blender is showing you as the final result.

Please let me know if any of this is confusing or if you need clarification/have further questions!

Happy Rendering! ♥️