#my birthday was like 2 days ago so no need to message me or anything

[ettadunham]

forgot to update my age, whoops, anyway, i am now what we call a christ age 🥉🥉✌

[eternalxvenus]

⇢ ˗ˏˋ broken promises pt. 3 ࿐ྂ

summary: Rafe promised to take you out and spend your birthday with you, but you don’t hear from him all day and then suddenly he shows up at your door trying to explain.

wc: 1.4k

notes: part three out in less than 24hrs?!? who would've thought

previous chapters: part 1 | part 2

Topper: hey we need to talk, it's about Rafe.

Your heartbeat started to pick up, but you weren't sure why. Topper didn't say it was anything bad, but you knew realistically he wouldn't be texting you unless it was.

You: hey Top, what's going on?

Topper: are you busy? can I swing by?

You: i'm on the mainland right now, can you tell me over text? i'm worried

Topper: yeah... so I don't know if you know but Rafe went to Kelce's party a couple days ago.

You: yeah I know

The sinking feeling in your chest lifts a little. You figured Topper was going to tell you Rafe had been doing coke since he knew Rafe was supposed to quit.

Topper: while he was there he started doing lines off the table. then a little later he started making out with Sofia. i'm not sure how far it went

You stared at the message for what felt like forever. Then a video pops up in the chat, so you click play.

There are some random people doing lines, but then in the back corner, you can see Rafe and his ex-girlfriend Sofia practically trying to eat each other's faces. You couldn't seem to find the energy to be sad about it. You felt almost indifferent but shocked at the same time.

You: thanks for letting me know Top

Topper: of course and just know you don't deserve that.

You click out of your messages and before you can think twice, your phone is ringing, waiting for your call to be picked up.

"Hello?" Rafe's voice came in through the speakers. He sounded tired but not like he had been asleep.

"Rafe. I'm going to ask you something, and I want you to tell me the truth." 

"Okay... what is it?"

There was silence as you took a deep breath. Your voice was smooth and calm as you asked, "Did you cheat on me?"

You heard shuffling on the other end of the line. "What?"

"Did you cheat on me, Rafe?"

"No, I didn't cheat on you. What is going on?" He sounded baffled by your question.

"Don't fucking lie to me, Rafe! I saw the video," You tried to keep your voice low since your parents were probably asleep.

"Baby what are you talking about I'm not lying! I didn't cheat on you. You know what, I'm coming to the mainland. I'll be over there soon." 

He ended the call before you could tell him not to bother. The last thing you wanted to see was his stupid face, knowing his lips were all over Sofia's, and God knows what else they did. 

At the beginning of your relationship you were really insecure because of his history with Sofia but Rafe always assured you that he wasn’t interested in her anymore. You laid in bed staring at the ceiling while the video played over and over in your head. All you could wonder was what made your relationship with Rafe go left so quickly. You felt like crying and punching Rafe all at once. He made you feel so much at one time it could be so overwhelming.

⭑*•̩̩͙⊱✩•̩̩͙⊰•*⭑

Your phone chimed a while later with a text from Rafe saying 'I'm here. Please let me in so we can talk.’

With a sigh you begrudgingly made your way downstairs and to the front door. When you opened it Rafe was standing there with a tired yet worried look on his face.

"Can I please-"

You put a finger up to your lips. "Shh. You'll wake up my parents." You let him inside and signaled him to follow you into your room. Before you can close the door fully, Rafe starts asking questions. "Why do you think I cheated on you? What video are you talking about?"

"Rafe, I saw a video of you sucking face with Sofia at Kelce's party. Did you fuck her too? Is that why you didn't text me all day?"

Rafe was looking at you like you'd grown two heads. "I am so fucking lost right now. I don't even think I saw Sofia at the party!"

You pull up the video and show it to Rafe. He watches it a few times before sitting on your bed with a sigh, dragging his hands over his face. You watch him with your arms crossed, waiting to see what he'll say. Rafe then pulls his phone out of his pocket, pulling something up.

"Look, this is a picture taken the day of the party." He shows you a random photo that was taken of him and Kelce, also displaying the date on it.

"So what?"

Rafe grabs your phone going back to the video and zooming in on the spot where he is seen kissing Sofia. "My outfit isn't the same in the video. It's an old video from when we were together."

Looking at both the phones you realize that he's right. "Oh... well why would Topper send me this if it's old?" You question out loud

"Wait a minute, Topper sent you this?"

"Yeah he texted me earlier saying we needed to talk but I told him I was on the mainland." You show Rafe the texts from Topper and he's seething.

"I could kill that son of bitch!" He shouted, and you had to cover his mouth, reminding him your parents were asleep. You sat on the bed looking at him, now you were the one who was confused so you decided to flat-out ask him what was going on.

"When you weren't talking to me I had told Kelce and Topper what was going on and he was the one who convinced me you didn't wanna be with me anymore. You were ignoring my calls and everything so he said I should just forget about you and not make things worse." Suddenly Rafe was on his knees with his hands on your hips.

"Baby listen, I know that I can be a major fuck up sometimes and that I don't have the best way of dealing with stress and everything but I would never cheat on you. I'm sorry about y'know, the coke and your birthday and everything else that I've ever done wrong, but I hope you realize that I love you so fucking much. You mean the world to me, and I don't wanna lose you." You stared at him with wide eyes as tears started to fall down his cheeks and brought up your hand to gently wipe them away. "So if you still want space, I'll give it to you. But I know I'm ready to change and make everything up to you."

You leaned down to place a soft kiss on his lips. You definitely weren't expecting him to pour everything out like that. "I love you too, and I don't want you to think I'm ever judging you or being a hardass. I just worry about you. If something ever happened to you..." you sighed, not wanting to finish the sentence.

"I promise not to make you worry." Rafe stood up and kissed you hard while cradling your face. He tried to leave to give you space, but you insisted he'd stay and said you'd head back to the OBX tomorrow. Rafe wanted to talk to Topper in person, which you didn't see going well, but you'd worry about it tomorrow.

You gave him plenty of blankets and pillows since he didn't want to take up so much space in your twin bed and chose to sleep on the floor. Once you'd gotten under your blankets, sleep whisked you away. 

Rafe, on the other hand, could barely get his mind to calm down. He was fucking enraged with Topper for trying to pull some bullshit like that. Rafe should've known he was a snake. He noticed the way Topper's eyes would linger on you or how his hugs went on for a little too long. But Rafe didn't think Topper was stupid enough to try and break you two up.

Now that he had finally cleared everything up with you, he wasn't worried. Rafe was going to take care of Topper as soon as he got back to OBX. He'll make sure to get the point across that nobody fucks with his girl and his relationship.

part 4

likes, comments, and blogs are greatly appreciated!

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[rorywritesjunk]

Master Post

Hullo! I am Rory. I write about Buggy from One Piece and One Piece Live Action. I decided to cobble a list of things. Unless otherwise specified, the fics can be read as either Anime Buggy or Live Action Buggy. Also I really like using song lyrics as titles so that's a thing. (Also my main account is @thehohwitch)

Requests are open as of 8/16/24!

Rules: No s-xual assault, *ncest, cheating, or age big age gaps (at least within a five year difference) things like that. I primarily write F reader with Buggy but I'm happy to write male as well, as well as nonbinary and trans. I don't do descriptions unless asked. I will also write for girl Buggy, just ask!

Also, if I am not vibing with a request, I will decline it, however I will also give it up to three attempts before deciding on it.

Also, please do not message me asking me to commission you for art. It is uncomfortable. I'm a friendly person but that is a boundary I don't want crossed. Works are under the cut! (Updated 6/17/24)

For Chapter Fics, please go here! *Fics in that link feature my OCs Sunny, Cupcake, and Birdie, as well as anything that is several chapters.

For one-shots, look below the cut!

Buggy is the Ultimate Girl Dad Headcanons Headcanons pt 1 Headcanons pt 2 (More indepth) Headcanons pt 3 (More!) Lil Buggy's Big Adventure (One-shot) One Shots "Pampering Buggy" PG-13 A fic of you pampering Buggy after he has a frustrating day.

"I won’t treat you like you’re oh so typical" Soft R Buggy wakes you up to help him with his makeup and he sometimes get grabby.

"All I dream of lately is how to get you underneath me" Soft R, sequel to "...oh so typical" It was Buggy’s turn to do your makeup.

"I will never ask you for anything, Except to dream sweet of me" PG-ish Look, everyone has some kind of secret. You just didn’t want Buggy to find this one out. "We’ll cry later or cry now, but baby, Heartbreak feels so good" PG-13ish Buggy messes up, there’s a fight, and he realizes how much you mean to him.

"So let’s set out to sea, love, ‘cause you are my medicine" PG-13ish Buggy has another frustrating day so you cook him some comfort food.

"I have seen no other Who compares with you" PG-13. Buggy decides you need your own ‘look’.

"best be prepared to get all that you bargained for" PG to PG-13. Buggy isn’t used to the gentle touch you give him since you joined his crew three months ago.

"there’ll be space for you always in my harmony" PG. Buggy finds out you have a hidden talent. "Home is wherever I’m with you" PG-13ish. You wanted to keep your relationship a secret but Buggy just wants you to join his crew.

"And all of my wildest dreams They just end up with you and me" PG. Richie is a pretty boy, yes he is, but so is Buggy. "I know it’s just a number but you’re the eighth wonder" R-ish. Buggy loves that you have a pair of glasses for every day of the week. "breathe the freezing crystal air, watch my baby crack a smile" G-PGish. You and Buggy agreed on exchanging just one gift for the Winter Solstice, but he’s a pirate and doesn’t follow the rules.

"Suppose I never ever let you Kiss me so sweet" PG-13ish Your healing powers are limited to one person a day but that doesn’t keep Buggy from demanding you heal him. "Dancing kisses on my cheek, it’s the wonders that I seek" PG-13 Buggy just wanted your birthday to go smoothly.

"So hold my hand, I’ll walk with you my dear" PG-13ish It’s the three year anniversary since everything changed in Buggy’s life for the worst.

"Yours are the sweetest eyes I’ve ever seen" PG-13 You decide to ask Buggy an important question but he has major doubts. "Close my eyes for a while Force from the world a patient smile" PG Buggy says something he regrets to his older sister.

"I don’t blame you for being you But you can’t blame me for hating it". PG. A prank goes wrong, punishment laid out, and an accidental first kiss all in one day for Buggy. (pt 1)

"And I’m just the boy who’s had too many chances" PG. You and Buggy are finding out that becoming a teenager is absolutely terrible. (pt 2, sequel to "I don't blame you")

NSFW One Shots MDNI!

"I’m aiming for full control of this love" NC-17. Buggy has a fantasy that you decide to try involving Mihawk and Sir Crocodile.

"Like lighting when I’m swimming in the sea" R. Buggy never made time for sex until he met you well into his 30’s.

"You’re the only thing I wanna touch" NC-17. Buggy only comes up for air every so often and it’s a beautiful sight.

"You’ve got to promise not to stop when I say when" NC-17. Buggy’s been a bit of a brat today and you’ve had enough. "The stroke of your fingers The scent of your lingers" NC-17. You meet Alvida and get a bit of a crush, and Buggy is a rather supportive boyfriend with that. "If my velocity starts to make you sweat Then just don’t let go" NC-17. Buggy asks to try something new and you’re onboard with it.

[emsgwenstan]

Personal or professional?

Larissa Weems x fem(carpenter/joiner) named reader

Chap 5| chap 6| chap 7

Words: 3k

Warnings: insecurity’s, swearing.

Note: another fill in chapter… this gif☝️is the look she gives Violet about the door lol.

Well it’s official, It’s the 12th of December and my dreaded birthday, another year of being alive, I guess I should be grateful but only 2 hours until I can go home and sleep! Jesus I really am getting old. I do wish I could see Larissa today but I don’t want to disturb her, we have been texting since that day which was three days ago now, I drove her home that night and the next morning she sent me a message saying good morning and I thought that was really sweet, but this morning she hadn’t said anything, I don’t need to read into it though, I just hope I haven’t done anything wrong. My phone started to ring in my pocket and just when I thought it was her I was wrong.

*Louise*

“Happy birthday vi!” She yelled.

“Thanks Lou.” I said chuckling.

“Happy birthday vi.” I heard jades sultry voice say on the other line.

“Oh yeah jays here too.” Louise said.

“Wanna wish auntie vi happy birthday?” She added.

“Happy birthday auntie violet!” Lou’s daughter lily shouted.

“Aww thanks guys, how is everyone?” I asked.

“Yeah we’re all pretty good, how are you though? You’ve been pretty quiet… perhaps finally found someone?” Louise said teasingly.

My face burned, how am I supposed to say yes I’ve met and fallen in love with someone, we’ve had sex and yet we’re still in a what do they call it now? situationship? Friends with benefits? Let alone it being with a woman- not that they’d be very surprised.

“I have been getting out more and no I’m not with anyone.” I said.

“Let’s hope you find someone vi we don’t want you to be alone forever.” Jade said in a sing song voice.

“Shut the fuck up, says you your a hoe, a serial seducer.” I laughed.

“Ok lily go to your room for a minute.” Lou said.

“Oh my god sorry!” I said.

“Aunt of the year award goes to Violet.” Jade said mockingly.

“Agh, anyway guess what?” I asked.

“What?.” “Mhm?” From the both of them.

“I’ll see you guys at dads this year.” I said.

“What! You’re actually gonna show up!?” Louise said.

“Yeah but I’m not gonna be alone, I’m bringing my… friend Larissa.” I said awkwardly.

“Ooooo Larissa.” They said in unison. I could just imagine them looking at each other knowingly.

“Please… anyway I’ll be there for a week then I’m going to see my mum.” I stated.

“We haven’t seen you for ages, oh and by the way dad has been such a dick lately, all he talks about is fucking golf.” Jade said.

“When isn’t he a dick, and that doesn’t surprise me, I’m not going for him though I’m coming to see you guys.” I spoke.

“Yeah well we will be there for like 9 days I think, we really need to go out all together again, I know I need to get hammered.” Louise said laughing.

“Agreed I know just the place.” I said.

“We know.” They both said giggling.

“Ok well I’m at work so I need to go but I’ll see you guys then ok?” I said.

“Alright we love you sis.” Lou said.

“Love you guys, tell lily and Lottie i love them to.” I said.

“Will do, bye.” She said.

“Bye.”

I went back to stacking lengths of timber in their designated racks and began to wrap up the rest of my stuff getting ready to come home.

Finally in the threshold of my house, I kicked off my boots and tore off my work clothes, it was so fucking hot I felt like I was suffocating. The heat was up so high last night because it was freezing and I forgot to turn it off this morning as well as having the fire going. Turning it off and keeping the fire going I went and jumped in the shower quickly to rinse off the sawdust and settle in for the night.

Hopping into bed I let my hair out of the tight ponytail it’s been in all day letting it fall over my pillow and just like that I passed out. It was only 6pm but I didn’t care it was much needed, although it wasn’t until a while later when I could feel my body slightly shaking that I awoke again. “Wake up darling.” A hushed voice spoke, I know that accent anywhere, why is she here? how is she here? I rolled over slightly with my eyes cracked open, Larissa was standing beside me with a hand delicately wrapped around my bicep.

“Good morning.” She teased. “What are you doing here? How did you get in here?” I asked sleepily. Larissa brought her hand to my face stroking my cheek lightly. “I did knock, but no answer. The door was unlocked, I should have rung you I’m sorry.” She said in haste. “No, no it’s fine you’re welcome you don’t even need to knock.” I said rubbing my eyes. Larissa smiled warmly. “Sit up for a moment I’ll be right back.” She said leaving the room. I’m still a little bit delirious wondering if this is even real or not, but the fact that I could feel her gave me every indication that it was. Slowly I sat up and realised I’m only wearing underwear, I clutched my duvet to my chest and sat cross legged against my head board.

Larissa waltzed back in with a large box in her hands, the sound of her heels clacking on the floor boards getting closer gave me more anticipation wondering what was going on. She perched herself on the edge of my bed and placed the huge box in my lap, it was a deep red with a crimson, satin bow on top. I looked at her with curiosity and a small smile. “Open it.” She said gesturing me to do so. Slowly I undid the ribbon and opened the box, I could smell it first, the large bouquet of red and dark red- almost black roses that lay on top. “Oh Larissa, these are beautiful.” I said plucking them out and smelling how heavenly they are. “How did you know these were my favourite… not just the flowers but the colours.” I asked jokingly. “I have my ways.” She said. I giggled at her and lay the roses next to me and continued to open the layers of tissue paper.

The next thing was clothing of some sort, pulling it up I gasped. “It’s beautiful.” I said astonished, the black dress was gorgeous, intricate black beads lined the off the shoulder cut out and strapped top, the thigh slit down the side and the cuffs of the sleeves. “Why did you get me this?” I asked incredulously. “Because you deserve it.” She said blatantly. “I’m afraid I don’t think it will fit.” I said solemnly. “It will, I promise.” She ensured moving the tissue further out of the way to indicate there’s more. Carefully I laid aside the dress as well and took out the next thing. A large black coat with fur around the hood, sleeves and bottom. My eyes lit up and I became speechless. Trying to catch a sneaky look at the tag, I didn’t find a price or size instead the words ‘Vivienne Westwood’ in scribed on it. “What the fuck.” I breathed, I looked at the dresses tag and the same thing was embedded.

“There’s more.” She said suggestively. I looked at her with wide eyes and put aside the coat. Underneath was a shoe box and another thing wrapped with tissue paper, I opened that first unraveling the fragile paper. My cheeks burned, when I came to relise it was lingerie, a set of scarlet red lace, a bra with matching panties. I admired them, running my fingertips along the intricacies of the material, I gave a shy and quiet thank you to Larissa and set them aside too. The last thing was the shoe box that made my breathing stop. ‘Cristian louboutin’ no fucking way.

Larissa could see my face at the sight of it, how much I was in shock and awe even without seeing what’s in it. I took off the lid and just about had a heart attack, slick black heels lay next to another adorning the familiar red bottoms. I turned to Larissa with a gaping mouth and wide eyes. “How- why…I. Larissa I’ve wanted these shoes since I was 17!” I screeched. She grinned and put her hand on my wrist. “Happy birthday darling.” She whispered sweetly. Again I melted. “Oh rissa, I don’t know if I can accept these.” I said softly. “Yes you can, I wanted to give you something to make you feel beautiful, and I know that black makes people feel slimmer- not that you need to of course! I just…-god, I thought I could help you feel better about yourself and show you how beautiful you are my sweet.” She said feeling horrible at how that sounded. “No I understand, it’s very thoughtful of you. Most of my clothes are black.” I said smiling.

“And I think red looks gorgeous on you too.” She said. I immediately remembered that I wore a red bra that day and that’s what she was pertaining to. Larissa was very close it was harder to not be under her piercing gaze, I put the box next to me and wrapped my arms around her neck, slowly I leaned in and hoped she wouldn’t pull away, I placed a chaste kiss to her lips grinning into it. “Thank you lovely.” I said into her ear still hugging her. “You’re very welcome.” She said pulling back. “Now I hope it’s ok with you but I made reservations for 8:00, so go get changed into these and we can go get dinner?” She said questionably. “You didn’t!” I said. She stood from the bed and reached for my hands to help me up, I stood and covered my stomach feeling a little self conscious again.

Larissa grasped my wrists, moved them away and looked in my eyes. “Don’t hide from me darling.” She said placing another kiss on my forehead. She turned on the spot and left me to get changed. In the bathroom I painted on some make up opting for dark eyeshadow and lipstick a few shades darker than Larissa’s, I curled my collarbone length blonde hair and put on my gold necklace with a ‘v’ initial and a few rings from the dish on the sink. I slipped on the red lingerie with a smirk and then the dress, for a moment my heart sank when the sip at the back wouldn’t go up, but turns out it was just caught on the material, it slid up my back with ease. I slipped on the shoes and couldn’t stop the excitement that spread through my body as I did so.

Looking in the mirror, I stared at myself, I hadn’t even realised I had a waist, the shoes are what I kept looking at and my calf muscles that sculpted due to the height. Larissa carefully opened my bedroom door and walked up behind me, I looked at her in the reflection giving a timid glance, she pressed herself to my back and gently put her head on my shoulder and moved her hands to meet around my front, her palms smoothed out the fabric and stopped at the swell of my stomach. “You look stunning.” She said kissing my temple. “Thank you.” I said. “Shall we go?” She asked. “Yeah.” I grabbed the coat and put it on.

Going past the kitchen and hallway I grab my keys from the dish. “What are you doing?” She asked. I dangled the keys giving her the hint I’m driving. “No, I’m driving.” She said plucking them out of my hand and putting them back down. Larissa walked out the door and I followed behind her, she stepped to the passenger side and opened the door for me, I giggled at her chivalry. She walked to the other side and sat in the drivers seat. “Ooo the woman knows how to drive stick.” I said as a joke. “Yes I do, something else we have in common.” She said turning on the car and reversing out of the drive way.

Once she went thought the gears, Larissa placed her hand on top of mine and curled her fingers into my palm, the butterflies in my stomach were alive and well at this point, not that they ever go away when I’m with her. When she down geard and sadly removed her hand from mine it must have meant we’re close, but when I saw the place my eyes just about bulged out of my head. Larissa killed the engine and stepped out, just as I open the door she glared at me through the windscreen, I laughed throwing my head back and closed the door again. She made it to the other side and reopened the door extending a hand to me.

I stepped out onto a gravel driveway and kept a hold of her hand. She closed the door and started to lead me in the direction of the restaurant. “Wait.” I said stopping. Holding her hand I took off my shoes and started walking again until we made it to cement and put them back on. I looked at her confused face. “I want to savour and look after these shoes.” I said. “Oh.” She chuckled, we made our way up the grand steps to the front door. This place was about ten minutes out of town and secluded by trees, the building was a tan colour and had pillars surrounding it, pot plans and ivy covered the exterior, a red carpet rolled down the stairs and the large double doors open wide with a ‘please wait to be seated’ sign on the wall outside of them.

Larissa glanced at me as a young woman greeted us. “Hello ladies, booking name?” She asked. “Weems.” Larissa said. “Yes, right this way.” She lead us into a massive dining hall, intimate tables with candles and silver alike, chandeliers vaulted from the ceiling, paintings, even live music with people playing violins and other sweet sounding instruments, a dance floor- for those who actually dance, it was beautiful and it felt right to be here experiencing this with Larissa, if I came here without her, she would be the one I’d tell this place about. “Here you go.” She sat us in a green velvet booth and placed two menus on the table then left.

“I didn’t even know this place existed.” I said. “Do you like it?” She asked shrugging off her cream coat, Larissa was wearing a plum coloured silk blouse and a matching cream pencil skirt, my breath hitched at the sight of her, somehow she seemed nervous, the woman who exudes power, authority and confidence is nervous, but then again I know its not the first time around me, but as if I do that to her, its probably just because she wants me to have a good night. “Absolutely, I really don’t deserve this-.” “Yes you do.” She said cutting me off. I took a deep breath and changed the subject. “Any idea what you feel like?” I asked. We both went through the menu together, decided on our choices and ordered.

Larissa and I were having a conversation about what we both did today when we were interrupted by a man who seemed to know her. “Larissa, I thought that was you.” He said. She looked up and let out a sharp exhale through her nose forcing a tight lipped smile. “Mr jones, lovely to see you.” She said speaking though here teeth. “Likewise, I don’t see you out of that school often.” He said. Larissa bit the insides of her cheeks quite literally refraining herself from spitting a very unkind insult his way. “Yes well Marcus, I do have a life.” She said bitterly, if looks could kill. His line of sight went to me. “And who is this?” He asked. If it were anyone else, She would have felt compelled to say ‘oh forgive me how rude I didn’t introduce you sooner’ instead she kept her back handed behaviour. “This is violet Hastings, my very good friend… now if you don’t mind we would like to enjoy our dinner.” Her voice sounding like venom. “Nice to meet you, I suppose I should get back to my wife.” He said awkwardly leaving.

The silence was killing me. “Ok what was that?” I asked chucking. Larissa let out a huff and turned to face me. “That was Marcus jones, a sleazy twit… also a board member.” She explained whilst simultaneously taking a sip of the wine the waitress brought over. “He did seem a bit smug.” I said sidding with her. “He’s an imbecile, all he does is make my job harder and tries to deny my advances for the schools funding and changes.” She said twisting the stem of the glass on the table. “Not to mention, every Thursday night he goes and screws his assistant, how cliche.” She rasped, throwing back the remaining wine in her glass. I raise my eyebrows in response. “I was a bit harsh wasn’t I?” She asked grasping my thigh under the table. “No, because if it were me id have been worse, you did a great job.” I said. Larissa laughed. A real laugh. It was loud and turned a few heads, but I didn’t care id love to hear it again and again and again. She covered her mouth with her fingers trying not to do it again. She never fails to make me weak.

The dim lighting made her look even more delectable then she already is and I found myself staring at her. “What?” She asked noticing. “Your just…ethereal? I don’t even know how you real.” I said lowly. “Stop it.” She giggled looking down. “I don’t think you know how pretty you are Larissa.” I spoke. “I could say the same about you vi.” She said tightening her grip on my thigh. The waitress brought over our food and left us to eat alone again. Once we were finished a flurry of people went to the dance floor with each of their partners. “Would you like to dance violet?” She leaned in to whisper. “Oh I don’t dance.” I said. “Please?” She pushed. Looking in her eyes I tilted my head, I can’t say no to her. “Sure.” I said reluctantly. Larissa took my hand and guided me to the floor.

On perfect queue the music started, the tune was familiar, experience I think it was. Everyone began to slowly sway to the music as if their bodies were one, Larissa held onto my waist and brought my hand to her shoulder, I placed my free hand in hers and began to dance. She was wonderful, so free and loose, Larissa let herself succumb to the music and I did the same, the stronger the tune the more contrived the movements, Larissa spun me about like they do in those ridiculous romcoms but Christ it felt like I was in one, her gaze never faulted, eyes piercing into my own as if the whole world disappeared. When the music went softer Larissa braced her arms around my torso and I joined my other hand to her vacant shoulder and let my head rest in the crook of her neck.

"May I cut in?" A voice said behind my shoulder, as I turned there standing was that same halfwit Marcus, asking me to dance. I looked to Larissa for help, she said nothing only looking down at her feet. "Um...I-." I began about to reject his offer. "Great!" He took my hand and I was dragged of with him, as a new song started I couldn't stop staring at Larissa, she stepped away sitting back at the table hardly watching what was going on, like the big ball of anger I am sometimes, I felt obliged to peruse my next move, as he was twisting me around like a monkey on steroids, I leaned back and stopped on his foot with my heel and elbowed him in the face. "Oh! my apologies I'm a horrible dancer.” I said with faux forgiveness. Immediately I ran back to Larissa.

"Why didn't you save me." I said sternly and out of breath. "You looked happy with him." She said fiddling with her fingers. "I beg your pardon? I’m sorry but if that's what I look like when I'm happy with someone then I must look insane when I'm with you." I expressed sitting down again. "Did you not just see what happened." I asked. "Yes, I must say it was a little entertaining." She said giving me a meek smile. "good. But why didn’t you do anything?” I asked. “I don’t know… I’m sorry I just thought-.” “It’s fine, I mean he had that coming.” I said. We sat together for a while and before I excused myself and went off to find the lavatory leaving Larissa at the table alone again.

*Larissa’s pov*

I’m so glad violet likes the gifts I gave her, she looks breathtaking, I feel deeply saddened that she doesn’t see herself through my eyes, but I do suppose no one sees their own beauty like others. I hope I didn’t take it to far when i gave her the lingerie, i just couldn’t help myself. Violet is an incredible woman, shes smart and witty, she’s kind and full of skills i could only dream to obtain, she makes me feel like I’m the only person in the room as if i were so interesting, a 48 year old who lives and breathes to work and is unbelievably stubborn, something else we have in common i think. I adore all the things about her she views as flaws but somethings telling me that there’s still more to her, but in time i hope to learn them all.

I feel so guilty I did nothing to stop that asshole from taking Violet away from me, I thought we had a special moment, I guess my own insecurities came to play, the last time I danced with somebody I was with mortica and that didn’t end well, why would it with her?

I observed her as she came back to the table, her legs are stunning and she can definitely walk in heels, i do find that people our height can do a good job in them if i do say so myself, I’m pleased that she insists on taking care of them, even if she didn’t id just buy her a new pair. Before she sat i offered to take her home, we had been here well over two hours and thought she would appreciate actually going home. “Sure.” She said. I stood and draped my own coat over my shoulders and placed my hand in the small of violets back to go and pay. As already anticipated she tried to debate on who was paying but in the midst of it i handed the poor waitress my card, the glare i received when violet heard the beep on the machine was endearing, she did look as though she could physically hurt me but i kept my laughter at bay.

Exiting the restaurant, violet stopped and moved her head to gaze at the stars above, it was very beautiful, no light pollution, no noise, just the stars, moon, violet and I, although i found my view much better than hers. The reflection in her eyes and the soft glow of the out side lights from the restaurant made her impossibly more beautiful, that doesn’t even sound like the right word, but it will do.

*violets pov*

The sky was extraordinary I haven’t seen it like this for a while, but my gaze was cut short when Larissa ushered me to the car and opened my door again. On the ride home I placed my hand in her lap playing with the material of her skirt, I was so relaxed that I eventually fell asleep, the soft hum of the radio and the smell of her perfume lulled me to dose off. Larissa opened my door and gently coaxed me awake and let me rest against her side as she walked us inside.

By the time we made it to my room I had woken up a bit more and turned to Larissa. “Are you ok?” I asked. “I’m fine.” She said. I took off my heels and placed them inside my robe out of the way, I saw her looking down at the floor as she sat on the edge of my bed. Trying to find a way to lighten the mood I reached for my small speaker and turned it on, flicking through my phone I found a song to play, set down my phone and pulled her to stand. Larissa looked at me confused wondering what’s going on, I placed her hands around my neck and I locked mine around her waist and pressed my body to hers.

I hummed along to the tune and swayed to the slow rhythm, Larissa rested her temple on my forehead and sighed. “I don’t dance for just anyone you know.” I whispered in her ear, I could see the small smile across her face. “Violet?… why are you doing this?” She asked still wrapped around me. “Because you deserve to know that you’re cared for to, because you’re special and you would do the same for me.” I said. Larissa was quiet after that, but she did grip me a little tighter and breathe a little deeper.

After the song stopped I paused it and started to get changed. Larissa offered to drag down my zip, I stepped out of my dress and picked it up hanging it neatly inside the wardrobe. Just as I was about to enter the ensuite to change Larissa’s voice rang through the air. “Wait!” She said. I turned on the spot and looked at her flickering eyes and ridged stance, I was silent waiting for her to continue. “I-I… was wondering if you could just… stay- in what you have on.” She mumbled. My eyes widened at her ask, my stomach riddled with butterflies.

Larissa’s gaze met mine and slowly she stepped out of her heels, removed her coat and pulled off her blouse and skirt, only left standing in her underwear. My gaze never left her, not once, I don’t recall I actually blinked to be frank. “Is it ok if I stay?” She asked. I paced back towards her and discarded the clothes I’m not going to be changing into on the floor, I took ahold of Larissa’s hand and threw back the covers of my bed and crawled in before her. I found a comfortable position on my side and laid out my right arm for her to rest her head on, to which she did.

There were no sounds, no interruptions, no one else but us- half naked and left in only undergarments, Larissa’s long limbs were intertwined with my own and the way she studied my face made blood rush to my cheeks, I did the same though- studied her that is, stroking her hair and tracing unknown shapes along her jaw and lips, especially over her scar. “What are you thinking?” I whispered, Larissa’s eyes fluttered to mine. “It’s silly.” She hummed softly. “Tell me? I’m sure it’s not.” I said back. “I’ve not been this… close to a normie before.” She expressed. I adjusted my head a little. “And what does that mean to you, is that a good thing or a bad thing?… are you saying that your view on me would change if I were?” I said sitting up a little. “No of course not i just mean, I haven’t been exposed to any normie that has been… well, like you.” She said sheepishly.

I sat mulling over the conversation, on one hand it’s disheartening to hear that she hasn’t been accepted due to the fact of being an outcast, and on the other I suppose she still hasn’t… “I know that was rather odd of me to bring up but it was just something that I had been thinking about, it’s nice to see that normies and outcasts can be civil.” She murmured. I felt a tinge of guilt gnaw in my stomach, just wait for the right time Violet. “No I get it, really, especially since you dedicate your life to ensuring your students feel accepted for who they are.” I said laying back down.

For a while it was quiet and peaceful, Larissa was the one who fell asleep first, but as I rolled over she slightly roused earning an almost incomprehensible statement. “Happy birthday Violet, my sweet sweet girl.” She left her head against the back of my shoulder and pulled me by the waist to rest against her front. “I love you Larissa.” I breathed but with no response I knew she had fallen asleep.

@lex13cm @im-a-carnivorous-plant @barbarasstar

@giogwensversion @sabraaabra

@readingtheentrails @readingtheentrails

[hitlikehammers]

hitlikehammers' Hobbit-Birthday Fic-Giving Fest

So you know how Hobbits celebrate their birthdays by giving gifts, rather than receiving them?

WELCOME TO MY HOBBIT-STYLE BIRTHDAY FIC-GIVING PROMPT FEST!!!

wherein YOU prompt ME to write stuff, and to clarify from the outset: YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE FOLLOWING ME TO PARTICIPATE. Did you find this at random? Via reblog? Just kinda want a fic but don’t want my babble regularly on your feed? I. DO. NOT. CARE. This is my birthday month (well, soon) and I want to be giving and gregarious and generous and generally positive about writing little gifts so: prompt anyway.

THE RULES

✨ You have THREE (3) choices for prompting

CONCEPT PROMPTS: basically Ao3 tags, or close enough—pick one, give me a little direction if you don’t want me to just write ~anything~, and then you’re all set SONG PROMPTS: pick a song, ideally also pick a lyric from the song, and if you want to give me some short direction for it go ahead; these are the largely-random choice of Spotify on shuffle; it got kinda moody and angsty on me and picked songs I was never huge into and some from legitimately years ago but: the algorithm prevails DIALOGUE PROMPTS: either inspiration or to be included in the fic, I cannot guarantee either way but if you have a STRONG PREFERENCE, you should point that out; and again, if you want to provide a couple words of direction: do so

✨ if I am already writing you a gift fic for something else: THIS IS DIFFERENT (also shorter so even MORE DIFFERENT)—ask again if you want to, you’re more than welcome, honestly it’s more a gift for me because…hobbity-birthday 

✨ you have to MESSAGE/ASK ME or COMMENT ON THIS POST with your prompt because I am going to miss it if you reblog or tag or whatever-other-means-of-telling-me that is not a message/ask/comment, and that would be v sad ✨ I will only be writing ONE FIC PER PROMPT, so if you like one? Grab it. If I haven't had time to edit the list (which is likely because timezones and my work schedule) and they get duplicated, I'll reach out to the second claimer for a new prompt.

✨ if you’re not okay with NSWF content, you need to state that in the prompting message; I’m not saying you’re going get NSFW stuff, but if you’re absolutely against it, gotta flag that in advance 

✨ because someone asked: if you want to attach one of these to one of my existing fics/‘verses, include that because that’s usually super fun and there are only maybe two fics I wouldn’t try to follow up with a tiny thing on request

✨ the default ship right now is my most currently active one: Steve Harrington/Eddie Munson. If you want to prompt a ship that is not Steddie, note that and check if I’m familiar with it here, or take your chances; I’ll message you if it’s not something I write

SO: pick one of the prompt lists above and send it my way so I can start writing you words.

PROMPTS ARE OPEN THROUGH 31 JANUARY 💜

so...y'know. Prompt me. It's my BIRTHDAY 🎉

also if you hate links have all the prompts, here: below

✨

CONCEPT PROMPTS: pick one, a provide a little direction with 2-3 words, up to a sentence

Merperson/Siren AU

Monsterfucking

Wrong Number/Wrong Blind Date AU

Hurt/Comfort

Baked Goods (as in: prompt me with a pastry you’d like to be eating rn)

Secret Relationship 

Royalty AU

Established Relationship 

Dark AU

Near-Death Experience

Missed Connection AU 

Cocktails (as in: prompt me with how your mixologist knows you)

Misunderstandings

Pre-Season 4

Domestic Fluff

Creaturefic

[Character]-Has-Powers

Vampire AU

PWP

Famous AU

Presumed Dead/Emotional Reunions 

Soulmate AU

Whump

First Times

Warm Drinks (as in: prompt me using what you order from your barista)

Magic AU

Fluff

Meet Cute/Ugly

Nightmares

Angels/Demons AU

SONG PROMPTS: pick a song, ideally a lyric FROM the song and a word or two for context of your intended prompting

Never Tear Us Apart—INXS

I Will Wait—Mumford & Sons

Any Other World—MIKA

The Days Of The Phoenix—A.F.I.

Manhattan Skyline—a-ha

Jilted Lovers & Broken Hearts—Brandon Flowers

Why Can’t This Be Love—Van Halen

The Navesink Banks—Gaslight Anthem

Holocene—Bon Iver

Wicked Campaign—Modest Mouse

Follow—Brandi Carlile 

Jesus Christ—Brand New

Little Talks—Of Monsters and Men

Clever Meals—Tegan and Sara

Will Anybody Ever Love Me?—Sufjan Stevens

A Light On In The Dark—Darlingside

To Build A Home—The Cinematic Orchestra

sever the blight—hemlocke springs

These Things—She Wants Revenge 

The Light Behind Your Eyes—My Chemical Romance

Come Undone—Duran Duran

Song For Zula—Phosphorescent 

Last Words of a Shooting Star—Mitski

This Must Be The Place (Naive Melody)—Talking Heads

Majesty—Madrugada

Fake Empire—The National

A Dustland Fairytale—The Killers

Fast Car—Tracy Chapman  

At The Bottom Of Everything—Bright Eyes

The Trapeze Swinger—Iron & Wine

QUOTE PROMPTS: pick one, and if you have a context, I’ll take up to 3 words as direction

“That’s… not what that means.” 

”They say when you meet the love of your life, time stops, and that's true.”

“…Why?” 

“Now, I’m not going to deny that I was aware of your beauty. But the point is, this has nothing to do with your beauty. As I got to know you, I began to realise that beauty was the least of your qualities. I became fascinated by your goodness. I was drawn in by it.”

“I’ve never felt this way before.” 

”So it's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be really hard, and we're gonna have to work at this every day."

“What are you doing?”

“I cannot let you burn me up, nor can I resist you. No mere human can stand in a fire and not be consumed.”

“I assume I deserve this, but can you tell me why you want to kill me this time?”

”We aren't here to make things perfect."

“You meant the world to me. I should have protected you.” 

"You're the first boy I ever kissed... and I want you to be the last."

“What? Like it’s hard?”

“Every atom of your flesh is as dear to me as my own: in pain and sickness it would still be dear.”

“Who did this to you?” 

“I want to tell you with my remaining strength that I love you. I always have. I'll drift next to you every day as a ghost just to be with you. Even if I was banished to the darkest place, my love will keep me from being a lonely spirit."

“You here to finish me off, sweetheart?”

”When I first saw you, I felt like I knew you, and I couldn't stop seeing my life with you, and building a family together. One that isn't stuck in the pain of the past. It's very pretty."

“You’re worth so much more than me.” 

“I’ve never had a moment’s doubt. I love you. I believe in you completely. You are my dearest one.”

“This isn’t going to end well.” 

"Truth is, sometimes I miss you so much I can hardly stand it."

“Please! You have to let me make this right.” 

“Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.”

“You’re a monster.”

“You and I, it’s as though we have been taught to kiss in heaven and sent down to earth together, to see if we know what we were taught.”

“You don’t want this.” 

“You have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love--I love--I love you. I never wish to be parted from you from this day on.”

“Why did you lie?”

”I don't want to sound foolish, but remember love is what brought you here. And if you've trusted love this far, don't panic now. Trust it all the way." 

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA For basically giving up on my cat?

It's been a few years and I actually have gotten minor trauma from this event. But when I graduated high school my dad came back one day with a gift for me: a little kitten. I loved him so much he became my emotional support animal and he naturally would help me come down from psychosis episodes and anxiety/panic attacks. He was my life. A few years ago, my mom moved out of our apartment and displaced me and my partner. We were technically homeless. My grandmother pushed me into staying with her and my partner stayed with his family. I had 2 cats at the time (one elderly and one my esa) but My grandmother hates cats and said she'd kill them if I brought them with me. So they went with my partner. Then my partners family became homeless after they got evicted because the new landlord wanted new tenants. They didn't do anything wrong, he literally just said, "I want to see new faces and start fresh" so he kicked them out. So I asked a friend of my mom if she could watch my cats. She said yes, but my esa didn't get along with her other cat, so she asked a neighbor to watch him while I figured out something. Two of my friends were moving in together and said, "hey we can take your cats with us that way they have a place to stay where you can see them whenever you want" cuz we literally have a key to their apartment and are allowed to go over whenever for whatever reason. So I talked to my mom's friend and she said "yeah you can take your (elderly) cat back" and no problem. Then she had me message her neighbor to get my ESA back. The neighbor said "no. I found some knots and mats in his fur, which means you're clearly neglecting him so I gave him to my grandson. If you try and take the cat back I'm calling the ASPCA and you'll never be allowed to have a pet ever again". Prior to him going over to there, I had previously actually shaved/trimmed him so I KNOW he didn't have knots/mats. If he did it was because SHE neglected him when he was in her care. Despite the fact that I gave her his entire grooming kit. I even told her, "he's a longhair you need to brush him every day and every few weeks you need to trim him" and she agreed to it. Clearly she never did it and blamed me instead. She said, "it's better he's with my grandson because my grandson is blind and ACTUALLY needs an ESA. you don't need an esa Just because you have anxiety". Readers, I have schizophrenia, autism, and adhd. Diagnosed. My doctor has my cat ON FILE as my ESA. I was at my two younger brothers birthday party, crying my eyes out. But to this day, I keep feeling this absolute guilt that I'm an awful person for not fighting to get my cat back. Last year that same lady texted me telling me I was a horrible pet owner for not even asking how he was doing and just giving up on him. I told her to never contact me ever again. I just thought what's the point? We're getting our own apartment soon but we were homeless for so long that at this point I feel like he probably has a better life now without me. But her saying I was an asshole for not fighting for him makes me cry at night still. I feel like a bad person. AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[personasintro]

Hi Mimi. Can I ask you for advice.

I have a friend who is mad at me because I’m not calling her back 24/7, and because I can’t hang out all the time and have to cancel due to the fact that I work and they sometimes, even if I have plans, call me in.

I couldn’t attend her boyfriend’s surprise birthday dinner, who she’ve only been dating for like 4 months and I’ve only met twice, because they wanted to go out late at night and I was working the day before, during, and the day after. However that particular day I got to finish my shift early because it was raining so my boss told me to just go home. On my way home another friend called me, who I haven’t seen in four month because we live 1h and 45min away from each other. My birthday is in two weeks but she’s going on vacation soon, she asked if we could meet up in the city and have dinner, this is like 4-5pm, because she wanted to celebrate me by buying me dinner. I said okey. I didn’t think I was doing anything wrong. We meet up, have dinner, order some drinks, and I post a video of us. The other friend, not even 5 minutes later, sends me a loooong message about what a bad friend I am without even knowing anything. I didn’t answer her right away and decided to wait until I was home. I got home at like 8:30, and the dinner was around 9-10isch so even if I didn’t go out with my friend I couldn’t go and celebrate her boyfriend because I needed to sleep.

She really went off on me, said a lot of things, and made me feel so shitty for nothing. So I wrote back and told her, we’re not kids, I didn’t do anything wrong, I explained briefly why I went out with my friend, and I also told her it’s my life and nobody can get mad at me for my choices, even if I was free that day it still shouldn’t be a problem because I don’t have an obligation to anybody. I also told her that I think it’s wrong that she decided to message me when she saw I was out, she could have waited and brought it up the next day instead of basically trying to ruin my night. I also texted her “don’t worry about this now, go and have fun, enjoy, let’s talk face 2 face when we get the chance” She then texted me back saying “I am celebrating his birthday all weekend, we can talk another day, I don’t have time to deal with this now”. I wrote back “sure”. My first thought, before I calmed myself down, was “so you have time to ruin my night, and start this whole thing, but you don’t have time to finish it?”.

Am I the asshole? Hahaha this sounds like a reddit post, I wanted to write it there but I don’t want to take a risk of her seeing it. Your account, your stories and you are also my comfort zone. I just feel safe here, which is why I am sorry for the rant and headache you have now. I just don’t like to talk about other people with other people, which is why I’m not asking for advice from my friends. But at the same time I’m desperate because I feel like I have done everything for her but just because I have work and have to prioritize myself I’m suddenly a bad friend for not attending her bfs dinner who I’ve only met twice. I mean it’s not like I missed her wedding day. It’s not like I was talking shit about her or told everyone her secrets for her to call me awful names and paint me as the bad guy. It’s not like the plan hanged on me, and I said no, and everybody stayed home but then I went out anyways. They still went out and had fun, so why should it be a problem if I was there or not.

I just want to add that this friendship is solely about me being there for her, I’m basically her therapist. I’ve never ever had demands on her or how she should treat me. I’m so drama free like this is my only drama in life atm in the past 6 years. I’m so easy going. You know that last year on my birthday she didn’t wish me a happy bday, and last year I asked her 6 times if she wanted to go on a vacation and she said no, but then she posts on snap that she’s going on a “random trip” with a girl she met 6 month ago at a gym who she doesn’t even talk to anymore because she feels that the girl was to clingy. I didn’t say anything because I thought it’s okey I’m not gonna ruin her day, vacation or whatever for something so silly, it’s HER life. I’m always there for her, even if I’m busy I always try to show her that she is not neglected by maybe sending her a song, or meme, or even going as far as telling her that I’m gonna be busy and that she can call me if it’s an emergency otherwise I won’t be so active. I always have her back, she calls me 4 in the morning and I pick up without blinking twice. My parents treat her as a second daughter, I’m always there for her as much as I can, and I just have to add that last month, I didn’t sleep for 36h and had a 10h shift the day after, but I still went out with her because she needed a friend due to having a bad day. I neglected my mental health for her. And our convos are 90% about her, 7% about random stuff, and 3% about me, and I STILL DONT HAVE A PROBLEM WITH IT because idgaf. Im honestly so unbothered I really don’t care, but right now I care because I feel that the text she sent me, and the way she wanted to paint me, and the words she used even though I’ve never ever had anything negative about her coming out of my mouth…I just feel like this is so unfair and I don’t know what to do. Should I end the friendship? Or maybe talk to her and try to make her understand? Im just so lost and this is honestly so sad because we’ve been friend for 12 years if not more. I don’t want it to end over something so silly…

Much love💜

Again I’m sorry for ranting, if you have advice I want to thank you for them. And I also want to thank you before hand for taking the time to read this. I admire u and ur stories!

I just have to add: she’s not a bad person, her good qualities overshadows the bad ones, which is why we’re still friends.

This message was sent a while back and I am sorry for responding only now. Maybe you were able to figure it out on your own or things happened after this. But all I can recommend for you to do is to talk to your friend, if you haven’t already. If I were you, I’d try to communicate and make her see where I am coming from as well and then… there’s nothing much you can do from there. You’ll see how she takes it and whether she’s able to see your side or not. Regardless of everything, she shouldn’t take you for granted and cut you some slack.

Like you said, you don’t want your friendship to end over something silly but maybe it’s not something silly at all. In the end, you don’t want friends who makes you feel guilty and take you for granted all the time. Just the fact your entire friendship seems to be focusing on her rather than on both of you says a lot. You shouldn’t be treated that way and you do deserve someone who equally cares about you as a person :)

[our-aroace-experience]

this happened a few months ago but I want to tell someone who wasn't involved in the situation (to get an opinion on it)

okay so something to know about me is that even before I realised I was aroace I was very openly touchy and emotional/empathetic, this has led to me saying and/or doing things that people consider flirting but I'm actually not.

I'm like this with all of my close friends (that I'm comfortable doing so with) and so when I did it with this one friend of mine (let's call them Rhino) I didn't think anything of it.

what eventually happened is I got more and more comfortable with them and my so called "flirting" got more intense. For example I'd call them baby girl, or say they were cute, things like that.

Then time comes around to a birthday party at one of my friends houses, they come too (even though they weren't invited apparently, which is already a red flag) and we get there. I have fun hanging out with everyone, but occasionally I'll drop a "how you doing baby girl" to them (btw they're a non binary lesbian) and then I'd tell them to sit next to me on an obviously small chair- those types of things.

I stay over that night, the friend is aroace, they have 2 of their friends I don't know that well (but I got to know them and they were pretty chill, I liked them). For context I'm already out as asexual, was currently going with pan at the time, but I was doubting myself and having a sexuality crisis.

During the sleepover we watched beetlejuice, in which I was messaging my friend about how I was feeling with all that, they talked me through it, I realised I was aromantic.

I tell 2 of my aroace friends that I'm aroace, as well as my childhood best friend (who I tell literally everything). Next day I'm at school, and I'm telling everyone how I'm aroace, and that I finally found a label that completely feels right.

Rhino is talking to aroace friend about how they're mean to their crush and all that, but how they think they should confess. I'm either ears reach of course and I think to myself:

"imagine how funny it'd be if that were me"

let's just say it was not very funny.

Rhino pulls me aside and basically confesses their love for me, and this is basically how that conversation went:

"ah- well... uhm.. I'm aroace-"

"I know"

"Well then"

then they walked away

I hear from aroace friend RECENTLY (they didnt realise i wasn't aware of this), that Rhino was told I was aroace, and decided to confess anyway. Also when aroace friend said they wouldn't have a chance with me because I was aroace, Rhino's friend said "don't crush Rhino's heart like that" and stuff along those lines.

Aroace friend, childhood best friend and I all agreed that Rhino was being pretty aphobic.

I just want to know if people also think this is really wrong or if it's just my stupid adhd brain :")

thanks for letting me talk about this- really needed to get it off of my chest

it sounds to me like they were being aphobic, since they already knew you were aroace, and they disregarded it. of course it’s always possible they thought you might still be interested in dating, as some aroaces are, and they could have misinterpreted your friendly flirting for being serious. overall i’d say it’s a pretty complicated situation, and it might be best to have a conversation with them about it. either way congrats on figuring out your identity and coming out!

[robntunney]

I’ve been home for almost 24 hours now and I still can’t believe everything that happened this weekend....

In February, I had promised myself for my 30th birthday this year, I would do one thing just for me. No questions asked. No wondering if it was too expensive. No second guessing myself. No fear holding me back.

Flash forward to about a month ago, Robin was confirmed as a guest at the June Spookala convention in Ocala, Florida. I knew that this was the thing I was gonna do. As soon as I saw it, I knew. Like a light switch was instantly flipped in my brain.

I’m going to put all of the details under the cut because I don’t want to fill up your dash with a super long post BUT I will say she is even more sweet than you would think. The time she takes with every group, talking to them, listening to them, making them feel comfortable is just so heart warming. I saw it at the auto table and in the pro picture booth. It was just genuine care.

To say that my heart is full after this weekend would be an understatement.

OK so these are all the details, that even to me have a major plot twist ending (I mean I’m still not sure it actually happened)

FRIDAY: I had made a poster myself to get signed because you guys know I can be a lil extra :) Plus I just felt like for me it would be more special. It is a watercolor collage of a good portion of her works. This was a horror con so most people are here to see her because of the craft (great movie) but I think as soon as she saw the poster, she might of realized I was here as a fan of her/her work over all as opposed to a fan of her in that specific movie. She loved it and asked if she could take a picture of it, which was fine with me. As she was signing, I was going back in forth in my head whether or not to show her my tattoo. But I quickly realized that I would be going against the true meaning behind it if I didn’t say anything. So I explained it to her (tattoo here & inspo here) and she told me she loved it and that it was so sweet and asked if she could take a picture of that too, which again, no problem here. I also did my pro photo on Friday which comes with a long story of it’s own but I’m gonna keep that one private (if we’re moots and you wanna know just message me!)

SATURDAY: This was a very busy day so I was just wondering looking at all the amazing vendors the show had (I bought so many stickers and a few pins). I did this a bit all days but couldn’t do it for long because all I wanted to do was buy all the things!!! I also did a little local exploring.

SUNDAY: I decided to hold off and get the jersey dress replica signed (partly because I wasn’t sure if I was actually going to do it) but I decided that I wanted to do it. My plan from the beginning was that I would get it signed and framed to auction off for charity. It is not beyond me that me even having the opportunity to do this is a privilege that not everyone has, so this was the best way I knew how to honor that and give back. When I got there, she remembered me (ngl that threw me) and we just started talking again and we started talking about edits, since now she had signed 2 things that I made. I told her about tumblr and @tmsource​ and how there are still a lot of the mentalist fans out there that are active now on many platforms. She said how talented we all are, everyone who makes edits, because she does see them. And she does like them! I told her my plans for the jersey dress and if she just wanted to shout out a charity on insta, I would see it at some point and make sure all proceeds of the jersey go to that charity. There was some more talking that I’m gonna keep for me but at the end she got up and said I have to give you a hug, which was so sweet :)

Here comes the twist..... Sunday night after I got myself all packed up since I was hitting Magic Kingdom in the morning before my flight and needed to get on the road early, I decided to do the insta post. You know to mark the end of the weekend. I tagged her in it because of course I thought she might see it, and see that I was very grateful for her time this weekend. I’ve had a not so great relationship with instagram in the past so after a full year of not having it on my phone except for a few times where I literally downloaded it, made a post and deleted it again, I hadn’t been using it. Just a few months ago had I decided to leave it on my phone, but I kept notifications off. After a few min, I get a text from a friend that just said omg britt. Of course I was confused, and was just like ??? They said look at instagram. She had liked and commented on my post. Of course I was shocked because even though when you tag someone you hope they see it, you know that it’s not a high probability of it actually happening. I replied and thanked her again for her time this weekend, and dropped a lil reminder about the charity recommendation for the jersey. (bonus fact, I almost deleted the comment when I tried to pin it, not a good time for me) I just kept thinking about how sweet it was that she was interacting with people who had been at the con after giving 3 whole days to everyone. Got on twitter, freaked out it a lil, then went back to insta to close the app out and I had more notifications. AND THIS IS WHAT I SAW......

I still don’t have words if I’m being honest. (context for the comment is in the last video on the post) I’m just still so grateful for this whole weekend. I’m grateful for my friends that helped me through it even if they were miles and miles away. I’m grateful for the privilege to even be able to do something like this. I’m grateful for Robin’s generosity. Just so grateful. 

If you’ve made it this far, I love you. You’re a real one :)

[libra-stellium]

Pluto in Aquarius - 12H Transit

Reflecting on Friendships

The last time pluto was in aquarius was March 23 - June 11 2023 and during that time was when a friend of 8/9 years ghosted me in early March and I tried to mend things during that 3 month period and the last time we had a conversation was June 10 2023 lol (we did tell each other happy birthday and thank you in Sept and Nov after that but no actual conversation)

Then this year pluto goes into aqua again on Jan 20 2024 and I tell a couple friends about how my TikTok FYP gets sooo many of her reposts about fake friends and hating people who aren’t confrontational and how nobody knows how to communicate lol so I liked one of them and they stopped! Then like 2 weeks later there’s a repost about getting confronted about reposts and how you can’t take anything online seriously 😂 but there’s been 0 reposts since so I think it worked 🤷🏾‍♀️

Then on Jan 29 I had a dream that I was in a groupchat with her and other people who I used to be friends with in college but my friendship with them didn’t make it past that so I guess they ended like 5 years ago? We would sometimes do group things but it quickly died down. They’re all still friends tho I think. Anyway so in this dream one girl sent a longgggggg ass message about all the things she hated about me 💀 (my dreams are always dramatic lmfao) and that girl who ghosted me was hearting the messages within seconds like she was right there when it was written!! Lmao message received!! I don’t think they actually hate me to this extent irl but I’m a Pisces rising so my dreams don’t lie 🤷🏾‍♀️

And this entire week I’ve been thinking about what I actually want out of friendships and that friendship wasn’t bad but it also wasn’t completely what I wanted in a friendship and I think I was holding on for longer than necessary bc nothing had happened between us so why end a friendship you know? And towards the end right before I was like “she ghosted me” I remember thinking why do I feel like I’m begging ? Lmao bc I would type a message and erase it like I felt she wouldn’t care about what I had to say. Which is weird bc I wasn’t saying anything out of the ordinary 😭 and I should’ve listened to that feeling more lol

I definitely want friendships with more care involved. I have a few friends I can have deep conversations with and who didn’t mind listening to me vent to them about what my narc mom was doing to me that week and I let them vent too. But like…while I was going through that no one asked me if I needed anything or if I needed help with anything it was just like yeah that sucks 😕 and that’s it. I was sick recently and one of my friends I told I was sick never responded to my message and then I go on IG two days later to see she’s on vacation with her bf and then she calls me when she gets back a week later and not once asked me if I was feeling better but immediately started talking about a situation with her bf 🙃 like okayyyyyy

So I think that’s def going to be a major Pluto in aqua theme for me. I just need to actually sit down and figure out what I want my friendships to look like.

I feel like I already do for them what I’m looking for so I know I’m not asking for a lot! And I did think about my people pleaser tendencies and it wasn’t even about that like someone sharing an achievement and me going “we should go here to celebrate!” But me sharing an achievement and just getting the congrats text with confetti and if I want to celebrate I gotta say I want to go celebrate let’s go here like 😀 and even for my bday last year I was fresh off no contact with my mom obviously distressed and no one offered any options for my bday when it was less than a week before and I was saying I literally have no idea what to do I’m overwhelmed they just kept asking did you plan it yet? So I ended up just picking a random place for brunch lol but it felt like too much to be like “can someone plan my bday for me?” 💀 my take on it is very if they wanted to they would

It’s 4:44

I think it relates to my family too bc from the way their lives have turned out I have this fear of not having any friends bc they don’t have any friends in their 50s 60s and continuously tell me how lonely it is and to make sure that never happens to me and to make sure I keep all my friends lol no pressure! But tbh the reason they don’t have any friends is bc I don’t think they were friends with those people to begin with they were just in proximity and they did not actually care about each other.

I wonder what’s going to show up between Sept 1 - Nov 19 2024 when Pluto goes back into cap and reenters aqua for the next 20 years bc my bday happens in that gap and there’s always something surrounding my bday!!

[bubblefina]

Je T'aime 1

Summary: Ever since y/n, princess of Khaenriah, was a child, there have been oddities surrounding her rule. She is sent letters every year on her birthday, laced with encrypted messages from her deceased mother. These letters lead her down a dark path, but with the help of her loyal guard, Dainsleif, she will uncover the truth and bring justice to Khaenriah once more.

Pairings: Dainsleif x f!reader

✧.·:*¨༺♚ ༻¨*:·.✧✧.·:*¨༺♚ ༻¨*:·.✧

Darkness covered the lands of Khaenriah. Not even one patch of grass was spared a brief moment of sun. It seemed as if the entire country went into a brink of panic. Today was the birth of their princess. The queen had started her labor early that morning.

The royal castle was bustling as her majesty was confined to her chambers in a heap of sweat. Multiple maids surrounding her as she groaned in what seemed like the most agonizing pain a person could go through. She gripped onto the bedsheets, panting as the doctor ordered for more bowls of water. 

Her husband, the king, had heard of her condition and rushed through the jarring rain on his trusted steed to return to his wife. He had left for about 2 days to the border, warning the bordering country of their oversteps onto his land.

The doctor who’s hands had been wiping up towels covered with blood began to sweat. He has coached many women through birth before, but nothing like this. It was normal to bleed, but to this extent was highly dangerous.

“There is too much blood, is his majesty here?” the doctor asked one of the maids. She shook her head no, the empty bowl of water being clutched closely to her chest as she watched the scene unravel before her. 

“Curses… I don’t know how much longer I’ll be able to keep her in a stable position.” The doctor stepped back to look through his storage of tools, hoping to find a herb or concoction that may slow down the hemorrhaging. 

“She was perfectly fine hours ago, how could her condition have dropped so quickly?” one of the maids asked, placing another bowl near the edge of the bed.

“We have been monitoring her this entire time, she has barely had anything to eat since her labor began.” Another maid said.

“What did she eat beforehand?” a loud voice echoed through the room. It was the king, sliding off his wet jacket onto a nearby chair before rushing over to his wife.

“Your majesty.” the maids bowed.

“She had nothing but a light broth because she did not feel like eating. It was made here in the palace kitchen, closely monitored by multiple kitchen staff.” A maid spoke up.

“We may risk losing the child if we cannot stop the bleeding, your majesty.” The doctor says. 

“Please…” the queen whispered, “if it comes down to me or my child, do not pick me. This baby is the heir to this nation, please do not let it go.” the queen took all of her strength to utter what seemed like her last words and requests.

The king stared at her with a shocked expression. He could not believe that was her decision.

“Nonsense Mariam, you cannot make this decision on your own, my love. Choosing this baby’s life over your own…” his hand wrapped around hers, squeezing it. She could barely squeeze back, but gave him a small smile.

“My dear, this child is your future, our future. The country is depending on an heir to continue the lineage.”

Both of the lovers shared a look, tears clouding their eyes. The tender moment didn’t even last more than a few seconds before the queen began to cough up curdles of dark blood, her tears now staining her cheeks even harder than before.

“What’s happening?” the king asked the doctor.

“Her condition is deteriorating, your majesty. We need to operate in order to save the baby, but I am not sure if her majesty will make it.”

The queen grabbed onto her husband one last time, giving a nod of approval. The king decided to honor his wife’s last wish. The doctor brought out his tools and began to operate, trying not to listen to the groans of the queen, who desperately held onto her husband in an attempt to lessen the pain.

“I love you,” the king whispered into the queen's ear, “and my love will only be for you. This child will carry out both of our duties.” 

As the king continued to whisper sweet words, the tense air was suddenly cut by the crying of a baby. The doctor cradled the newborn, ushering one of the maids to bring in a clean towel.

“Congratulations, it is a girl.” The doctor wrapped the wallowing baby in a cloth and placed it on her mother's bosom. The queen grasped onto her child, whispering sweet nothing's into her ear with whatever strength she had left. 

“My love…your fingers.” the king grasped his wife's hand. The tips of her fingers had turned a deep black, as if they were about to crumble into ash.

“Your majesty-” The doctor began.

The king's eyes began to shake, as if he had seen this condition before. As if he knew exactly what was happening after but a single glance at his wife's current condition. 

“This is poison…” the king gulped as he let go of his wife's hand, “my wife…your queen has been poisoned!”

“It could be something else! We do not know for sure.” The doctor argued, but the king would not listen.

“Who would dare defy the royal family, who had the nerve-!”

The king's grievance was stopped when the queen caressed his face with her palm. His majesty broke down into tears once more as he embraced his wife for what felt like the last time. The baby in her arms was taken by him, caressing the small bundle as he watched his wife pass. The room fell silent, allowing the king to grieve as he bid farewell.

“You did well.” the king kissed his wife’s head before stepping away to coddle the baby in his arms. 

“Your majesty, the child-” the doctor said.

“We discussed baby names beforehand. It was something she looked forward to…if the baby had been a girl, then we would name it y/n.” The king got to look at his daughter's rounded face, his finger caressing her tiny hand as he smiled with sadness.

“Princess y/n. Long may she reign.”

✧.·:*¨༺♚ ༻¨*:·.✧✧.·:*¨༺♚ ༻¨*:·.✧

King Nasir of Khaenriah never forgot the day his wife died. Forever holding it in his heart that she was poisoned, but keeping it to himself. He needed to remain strong, which was unfortunate. Not being able to properly mourn the loss of his loved one, and then attempting to care for his new princess. He lived his life day by day, but never smiled as brightly as he did with his queen. 

The king's paranoia grew, always feeling that an assassin was amongst his trusted advisors. He made people who showed their loyalty to him for years going through rigid tests to make sure that they were not traitorous. They, of course, were not allowed anywhere near his precious daughter. This decision was made easier by sending her to a separate castle that no one knew about. 

Contact with y/n was limited, even for her own father. He only visited a few times a month, and at that point it was basically the maids that had raised her. By the time she had grown enough to communicate, the maids would tell her stories of her mother and father. Going on and on about how their love story was one of true love, nothing like it was ever seen within the 9 nations of Teyvat. Both of them were quite notorious.

She was barely able to understand what they were saying, mainly because she had not had the chance to experience love herself. What else could you expect from a 5-year-old who only cared about her snacks and toys.

It wasn’t long before an invitation to the main palace arrived at y/n’s residence. Her little villa packed with maids read aloud the letter, stating that she was invited back into the palace to live with her father. The maids of course would accompany her, the villa would once again be an empty residence. 

A welcoming ball would announce her return.

Multiple nights passed until it was the day of the event. The maids made y/n look as if she were raised at the royal court her entire life, instead of being whisked away when she was a mere baby and raised in a far off residence.

However, it wasn’t as if all the nobles were going to be accepting of her. Not all of them were accepting of Nasir’s marriage to Mariam. She wasn’t of noble birth, her commoner background brought a lot of backlash when he announced their engagement. Despite the hateful protests, both of them were wed for many years until her unexpected passing. 

“The royal carriage is outside waiting for you, your highness. Shall I escort you?” one of the maids asked. Her name was Farah. She had been the one y/n had tailed behind every time she was bored. Both of them became close, but they both referred to each other by their first name, so hearing her call y/n by her official title was weird.

Y/n however did not make a comment on it, but grasped her hand as both of them walked past the thick garden to the royal carriage, which was surrounded by two guards. 

One of them was blonde, slightly blue gray eyes. He had a friendly smile on his face that looked even bigger once he saw the small princess. He stepped off of his horse and immediately bowed. 

“Your royal highness,” the man kept his head level to her as he balanced himself on his knee, “My name is Kyza. I am captain of the royal guards. Your father has asked me to escort you to your ball tonight.”

Y/n hid behind Farah’s leg, afraid to show herself to this person she had never seen before.

“Aha, the quiet shy one isn’t she. Would you mind riding with her in the carriage, so she doesn’t feel as alone?” Kyza asks Farah, who nodded her head. 

Both of them aboard the carriage, the coach whipping at the horses to start the journey. Y/n had never been able to see anything beside the gardens at her villa. The closer they got to the palace, the more lights decorated the trails leading up to the castle. It looked as if the scenery were right out of a fairy tale. Off of a small hill, even the villages were lit up with multiple different colors, as if to welcome home their princess.

“Are you enjoying the view, princess?” Kyza asks, looking at y/n. He noticed how the lights reflected in her eyes, as if they sparked her interest.

“Are the lights for me?” she asks in return.

“Haha, you guessed correctly. The notice of your return has been spreading around for days. The people are excited to have their princess return home.”

Y/n continues to stare at the lights until the carriage stops at the front of the royal palace. The guards stationed outside the palace assumed their position, saluting with their hands as they stood side by side. Y/n stepped out of the carriage with the help of Farah, who helped clean up her dress. 

Since Farah couldn’t come with her, Kyza was the one who escorted y/n inside the castle. Walking down the bright corridor, which was layered with chandeliers. Both of them stopped at a large door which was decorated with gold detailing around the borders, the Khaenriah symbol in the middle. There were some voices behind the door, they seemed to be enjoying themselves.

Kyza knocks on the door twice. Then multiple stomps of what sounded like feet banging on the ground were heard. The voices went quiet, the door opened. Without even one step, trumpets began to play, alerting all the nobles to look at the top of the staircase.

Looking down at the nobles below, y/n managed to lock eyes with the king, whose face lit up at the sight of his daughter wearing a beautiful gown. She truly looked like royalty. Kyza guided her down the stairs until she was at the last step, where her father stood and reached out his hand.

Y/n took her father's hand, and was led to the floor where both of them walked to the small stage where two thrones were placed. He invites her to sit next to him. Once seated, he roared to the attention of the nobles, announcing her presence. 

“Next to me stands princess y/n. Your future queen. Returned to the palace as she had left as a baby, long may she reign.”

✧.·:*¨༺♚ ༻¨*:·.✧✧.·:*¨༺♚ ༻¨*:·.✧

Adjusting to palace life felt harder than it needed to be. It was easy living in the villa, since all y/n was allowed to do was play with her toys and read the occasional children's book. However, her father instantly assigned her tutors for multiple subjects a few days after her return. 

The tutor for this hour was for reading and writing. Children's books just weren’t enough anymore. A princess should be able to read and write and accelerate her literary skills as she grows older. Books about different planets, the 9 nations of Teyvat, different dialects of the 9 nations. It was a lot for a child's brain to handle, but the tutor seemed to think otherwise. 

“Can I take a break?” Y/n asks the tutor.

“Not now, princess, we aren’t done with this chapter.”

“But I'm tired…”

“Ah, princess. Will you be content if I fetch you a glass of juice?”

Y/n nodded as the tutor went out the door to the kitchen to grab a glass. She was familiar with the workings of the palace, so it wasn’t exactly necessary to call a maid for such a simple task. 

Albeit, she certainly took her time getting a small cup of juice. Y/n began to walk around the room, her fingers occasionally running over the spines of different books. Did she read them? No, her boredom was at the forefront of her mind. 

The palace gardens outside looked marvelous. It’s like she could see every single rose even though she was so high up on a balcony. The tutor looked as if she wasn’t going to come back, could she have been cornered by someone and held in a conversation? The lesson will supposedly end soon anyway, it wouldn't hurt to take a stroll in the garden.

Y/n opened the doors and slid out in between them. Her small stature was unnoticed as she made her way down multiple stairs and out into the palace gardens. There she frolicked amongst the flowers, picking up multiple fallen ones as she walked along. 

She sat amongst a flower bed full of Inteyvats. They looked beautiful as they were in bloom, the bluish hue looked so delicate as she caressed them in her hand. She continued to admire them, and was completely taken aback when she heard a voice behind her.

“Excuse me miss?” 

Y/n turned around and looked into the eyes of a boy. He stood similar in size to her, wearing a dark blue cloak around his shoulders. He had blonde hair that wisped over his bright blue eyes. They looked like jewels, staring straight at her. 

“Yes?” y/n replied, holding a few inteyvats in her hands as she stood up to meet his gaze.

“What are you doing in the royal gardens?” the boy asks.

“I’m just picking out some flowers,” she twirls the stems in between her fingers, looking down at them before looking into his eyes once more, “who are you?”

“I’m the son of a knight, my father was talking to the king and I went off on my own.” the boy replied. 

Y/n never paid attention to the knights that much, nor did she expect one of them to have a son her age. He seemed rather fixated on her for some reason, as if he was here for another reason.

“Do you want one?” she extended out a flower towards him, to which he grabbed it by its petal and put it into his palm. 

“Are you the princess?” he asks.

Y/n turns her head as if she were confused, before she tries to answer.

“It’s just, you look like royalty. Wearing that nice dress…” The boy kept looking at the flower in his hands before he continued talking, “that and his majesty is asking for his daughter.”

“He’s looking for me?” y/n looked towards the palace, up to her room that she wan in not too long ago. Could the tutor have come back after she left?

The boy nodded. A small feeling of guilt crept up inside y/n, playing hooky with her lessons just because she didn’t want to wait for her tutor. Now her father is wondering about her whereabouts. 

“I should go back then…” She stared down at the flowers in her hands, a slight frown upon her lips. Would her father be upset at her?

“We can go together, it won’t be as scary if you’re afraid of your fathers' reaction.”

The boy extended his hand to her, and she took it. Flowers resting in her other hand, both of them began to walk, as he escorted her towards the front of the palace. He had told her that his father made it clear that he should escort a noble lady if she was so willing, to make sure that she wouldn’t be alone when she made it to her destination. He did exactly that.

When the both of them arrived at the front of the palace, one of the palace maids took notice and told the king. Once Nasir took sight of both his daughter and the boy, he sighed in relief. He came to hug y/n immediately, having been worried that something or someone hurt her and took her away.

“I’m okay, dad. I left the tutoring session early…” y/n trailed off, afraid to look her in her father's eye, thinking he would be disappointed. 

“My sweet girl, you must inform someone before you disappear like that. The palace went into a frenzy looking for you.” 

After another hug exchange, the boy who escorted y/n spoke up. 

“It’s a surprise no one looked in the gardens, your majesty.”

Nasir took notice of the boy, and laughed. It wasn’t a mocking laugh, more of a hearty laugh. The king rubbed the boy's head, getting up and calling over someone. Kyza, the captain of the royal guard, walked over, his eyes widening as he looked at the boy.

“Dainsleif!” the captain exclaimed, “what on earth are you doing here? I left you under the care of the maids.” 

Y/n glanced at the boy, who is now known as Dainsleif formally. 

“I didn’t want to be cared for by them, father.” Dainsleif replied. 

Captain Kyza was the boy's father? Well, it would have made sense looking at both of them side by side. Kyza’s hair wasn’t as blonde as Dain’s, his looked more faded, perhaps after so many battles it lost its youthfulness. 

“You… I’ll deal with you later. Was it you that found the princess?” Kyza asks.

“Yes, I found her in the royal gardens, sitting next to an area crowded full of Inteyvats.”

“Your boy is good, Kyza. He managed to find her before any of your appointed guards did.” Nasir chuckled.

“Please forgive me, your majesty, we were trying to cover the well known places first.”

The king nodded his head, showing that it wasn’t a big deal, at least not now. Knowing that his daughter was safe. 

“However, I must give my gratitude to you, Dainsleif. You have eternal thanks.” Nasir bows his head towards Dainsleif, which earned a few gasps from the castle staff. 

“Thank you, your majesty.” Dain nods his head back.

“On the other hand, I am glad that you’re the one that found the princess.” Kyza says, staring at the king. It seemed as if they both wanted to say something.

“That’s right, It’s good that the both of you have become acquainted with one another.” Nasir says in response.

“Why?” y/n asks, still confused as to why the two grown men were taking glances at each other. 

“Me and captain Kyza have discussed getting a personal guard for you. Someone who will escort you wherever you would like to go, be there for you, protect you. Both of us have decided that Dainsleif would be the perfect match.”

“Your highness, Dain. This will not happen immediately, both of you are far too young. We’ll wait until both of you are at an age where communication with each other will be easier. Dainsleif will be training in the art of weaponry, fighting, amongst many other things. We hope that the both of you will be a good match for each other.“ 

There was a stiff silence as the four of you stood there, waiting for the next person to talk.

“I don’t want to.” Dainsleif speaks up.

“Dain, do not speak like that-” Kyza tried to cut in, but it was no use.

“Father! I do not wish to be a part of this.” Dainsleif cried out. It was a shock to y/n. She surely wasn’t expecting an outburst like this. He sounded as if he had been sentenced to death.

“Dainsleif, watch your tongue.” Kyza tried to shush his son, but Dain wasn’t having any of it. 

“Why don’t I get to say anything! I don’t want to guard her!”

Dainsleif slips out of his father's grasp and runs towards another section of the palace. The boy who escorted her from the royal garden…disliked the idea of being her personal guard to this extent. It was hard for her mind to wrap around what had just happened. All that was left to hear were Kyza’s apologies to the king, and the king, who was trying to tell Kyza that it was alright.

If Dainsleif truly was going to be a part of the royal guard, and her personal guard in the future, y/n truly wondered how both of their relationships will play out when they reunite.

✧.·:*¨༺♚ ༻¨*:·.✧✧.·:*¨༺♚ ༻¨*:·.✧•

Y/n never skipped a tutoring lesson again. She studied as hard as she could as the years passed. The subjects get slightly harder every year. Willing to learn almost anything to have an upper hand. 

Taking interest in literature from multiple different regions of Teyvat. She started learning different languages and dialects, albeit it was only a little, a little is better than nothing. 

Etiquette lessons started soon after y/n turned seven years old. By being able to behave and act properly at high class events, she would be looked at as a true member of the royal family. Etiquette would also be useful whenever she went into town as well. Being able to talk to both nobles and commoners would be very beneficial towards her future ruling as queen.

Another few years had passed. It was a special occasion this time around. It was y/n’s tenth birthday. A royal ceremony was to be held at sundown for the nobles and royals, but the town was decorated with Khaenriah’s colors across every plaza, multiple flags flooding every corner of the streets. Their royal princess was growing up so quickly, the people were joyous for her. 

Y/n had a wonderful day strolling through the streets, going through different stalls, multiple people wishing her a happy birthday.

She stopped by a stall that had a fortune-teller. A glowing orb was placed in front of the woman, who held out her hand and asked if the princess wanted to know what her future would hold. One of the guards insisted that she shouldn’t indulge in whatever the woman was saying, but wanting to have some fun on her birthday, y/n appeased the woman and sat down in front of her.

“Thank you for participating, your highness,” the woman reached out her hand, “I need you to give me your palm.”

The guards were hesitant to let y/n give the woman her palm, but the girl insisted. She placed her palm on the table facing up, and the woman placed her own hand on top of hers. The woman closed her eyes, focusing. The orb in front of her began to glow.

The woman opened her eyes and waved her other hand above the orb. The colors changed, a pale yellow fog engulfed the orb, it looked pleasing to look at. It was warm, as if it was giving a hug.

“How will this tell my fortune, miss?” y/n asks the woman.

“The colors represent different things, your highness. Yellow represents happiness, good days to come. Red is passion, love, but it can also mean war. Black is death, misfortune.”

“Are those the only colors there are?”

“Of course not, but those are the main colors that people witness when having their fortune told. The color may change within a few seconds, so maybe we’ll see what life has in store for you.”

The color yellow remained for some time, which was reassuring. It slightly started to appear pinkish, then divulged into red. Y/n was perplexed, for the woman did say it could be love or war. Surely not war, the kingdom is peaceful. 

It stayed red for some time before it turned darker. Y/n’s eyebrows furrowed together, watching the deep red turn into black. A few gasps from the guards were heard, and the woman herself looked shocked. 

She waved her hand over the orb once more, and everything disappeared. 

“Forgive me, your highness. Sometimes these things aren’t very accurate.”

The woman looked at the princess and saw her worried look.

“Your mother, your highness, was a good friend of mine.”

Y/n’s ears perked up when she heard what the woman said. People around the palace still spoke of the late queen once in a while, and if you could, you’d ask questions about her. Her passing truly did leave many people in heartache.

“We didn’t keep in contact much after she became engaged to your father, but we still met once in a while.” The woman reached into her clock and grabbed an envelope, trying to hand it to the princess.

The guards tensed up, ready to point their spears at the woman, but y/n raised her hand, telling them it was okay, but the guards insisted. The woman retracted the letter and gave a smile. Y/n waved goodbye to the woman, walking to the next stall. Perhaps if they were alone, she would be able to ask about her mother more, but not this time.

Hours were spent in the village plaza, talking to the common folk, hearing many birthday wishes left and right. It wasn’t until sundown that she made her return back to her room. The party in her honor was going to be held in an hour or so, but y/n just wanted a second to herself to relax. She told the maids to give her some space, so she could give herself some solitude and breathe. 

Laying down on her bed, she stared at the intricate designs on her ceiling. Basking in the silence, she closed her eyes for a few moments. Flapping was heard at her window a few seconds later. She sat up from her bed and saw a crow at her window, an envelope between its beak. It squawked, releasing the envelope onto the nearby table before flying away.

Y/n looked in astonishment, slowly walking towards the envelope and opened it. It was a letter.

Dearest y/n,

I’m hoping that Ruksana will be able to give you this by your tenth birthday. I have heard some news that bears a heavy burden on my heart. It pains me to know that I will not be able to tell you this in person, but through a letter that may be over a decade old.

This is your mother, writing to you. I’m currently one month pregnant with you, it is rather a joyous occasion. On the other hand, I have been told rather dark news, I won’t indulge you in it right now as you are still young.

I desperately want to see you, how you’ve grown, the friends you’ve made, how you and your father are coping together in my absence. My sweet girl, the most you’ve probably heard about me is through stories, but I want you to know that your mother loves you. Even after I am gone, I will continue to love you, even if I haven’t met you.

I know that you will have many questions for me, and I will answer them as time goes on, but not now. You are far too young to know this information. I’m writing a letter for each of your birthdays, as many as I can. Until then, make sure to have fun. Being a princess is very tedious, so let loose once in a while. I love you my flower, be safe.

It was hard to process what she had just read. Y/n stared at the paper for who knows how long, trying to re-read each and every sentence. Would it be foolish to believe the contents of the letter? But the letters gave her a small amount of warmth. After only hearing stories about her mother, she was able to actually hear her words herself. It felt…heartwarming.

A knock at the door interrupted her daydream. The maids asked to come inside, had she truly spent this long staring at the letter? Putting the letter back in the envelope, she tucked it into a drawer where she would look at it later that night. 

The maids dressed Y/n in her finest. A dark blue gown that had a black gradient towards the bottom. Gold embroidery trailing down and along the sleeves. The star of Khaenriah directly in the middle, shining brightly. 

She was finally ready to head down and enter the party. The music of course turned to a different tune at her entrance, multiple nobles greeting her as she walked towards her father. As she stood next to him, she eyed the people in the room. She saw a few diplomats from Liyue and Sumeru, she had noticed them a few other times before, but never really talked to them. It would be hard to strike a conversation.

She kept scanning the area until she landed upon someone. He looked familiar. The golden blonde hair that shaded his jewel blue eyes. He was taller, carrying a sword at his hips. He was wearing a blue and black uniform, with gold embroidery. Y/n’s heart sped up when she realized they were practically wearing the same color scheme. 

“Father, is that Dainsleif?” she asks.

“Haha, yes it is. He’s almost ready to join his father’s ranks, the youngest knight in the royal guard.”

Y/n continued to look at Dainsleif across the room. At first, it was out of curiosity, but when she recalled his outburst all those years ago, she became slightly peeved. He didn’t have a choice in the matter of joining the knights, but it still annoyed her to see him. Was this just childhood annoyance clouding her head?

“Let’s go say hello to Captain Kyza and Dainsleif.” Nasir said, starting to walk away from where he and y/n were standing before.

Y/n’s eyes blew wide, she tried to protest against her father, but he had already begun to walk. She quickly followed behind him, taking a deep breath when both of them stopped in front of Kyza and Dainsleif.

“Kyza, good to see you.” The king embraced his friend, and Kyza did the same.

“ Wonderful to see you too, and to you as well your highness,” Kyza bowed to which y/n sheepishly smiled at, “I wish you the dearest of birthdays.”

“Thank you, captain.” she replies. She tried not to look at Dainsleif at all, but once she heard a scoff laugh come from him, she turned her eyes and raised a brow.

“Pardon me, your highness. I wish you a happy birthday, too.” Dainsleif smiles, bowing the same as his father.

“Aha, thank you but… Have I seen you before?” y/n asks.

It was just a simple tease on her end, just to mess with his mind, but Dainsleif just smiled back.

“I am Dainsleif, your highness. Captain Kyza’s son.” 

Nasir gave y/n a look before signaling Kyza to go somewhere else.

“We’ll give the both of you time to…talk. Don’t get rowdy, you two.” Nasir says, walking away with Kyza.

“I see your father finally tamed you, or was it the other knights?” y/n asks, a plain smile upon her face as she stares at Dainsleif.

“Have to be tame if I’m going to be a knight, after all. Plus, being your personal guard, I will need lots of patience“.

“Ha, you’re still going through with that? Last time, you made a big fit out of it.”

“Forgive me, princess, I was out of line with the comments I made. I hope we can start anew.”

There was mischief in his eyes, y/n knew he wasn’t being the sincerest. Perhaps he really was told to watch his tongue in front of the royal family. No matter, the less he says the better.

“I’ll leave you be for the night, enjoy the party.” y/n says, turning as she begins to walk away, leaving Dainsleif alone within the crowd.

✧.·:*¨༺♚ ༻¨*:·.✧✧.·:*¨༺♚ ༻¨*:·.✧

It had been around 6 months since the birthday party. Tonight’s event was going to be the knighting ceremony. New members of the royal guard would be knighted by the king, except for one. The plan was to have y/n knight Dainsleif personally, tying the string between guard and princess.

In her room, after the maids had left. Y/n pulled out the letter from her mother and read it once more, clutching the paper to her heart. There were only a few paragraphs, but 10 years of not hearing anything from her mother, only to get a letter on her birthday. It meant so much to the girl. 

It was near winter time now, the air was cold. Winter garments were worn, as the ceremony was to be held outside. It’s said that knights who are knighted in winter are known to show more virtue than others, but that may just be a superstition.

Y/n stood next to her father as, one by one, every knight was tapped on their shoulders with the king's blade. The snow fell slowly on each of them as they walked toward the pavilion. The last person to walk up was Dainsleif himself. Nasir knighted Dainsleif officially, but y/n had to do her own part in announcing him as her personal guard.

A special sword was given to her. It was a skinny blade, gold detailing on the handle, along with sapphires embezzled into the blade and the handle. It was assigned to be y/n’s personal brand, and it was to be used to assign Dainsleif as her personal knight. 

Dainsleif remained bowed on one knee, y/n approached him, sword in hand.

“With this sword, I shall decree that sir Dainsleif will act as my personal guard. He will pledge loyalty, devotion, and service to me. My safety will take top priority, he will be at my side, and he will remain at my side with nothing but good intentions,” Y/n tapped the blade along his shoulders, “and most importantly, he will do anything for my safety.”

“I pledge my loyalty to you, your highness. You will be protected in my care, I promise it.” Dainsleif says.

He gets up from his position, the crowd clapping. Dain bows once more before stepping away. He wouldn’t join the rest of his ranks, who were standing in a line outside the pavilion. He immediately stood next to his father, who was next to the king. Y/n did the same and stood next to Nasir.

As Nasir began to give a speech to the newly appointed knights, y/n tucked the sword into the satchel she had around her waist. Soon people were able to walk about and talk to each other. The ceremony had commenced.

Y/n stayed under the pavilion for a while longer, not wanting to look to her right side, where Dainsleif also stood. Nasir and Kyza both left to talk to the nobles who were watching the ceremony. 

“I’m going to go talk to some nobles…” y/n trailed off, as if she wanted to say more, but nothing came to mind. She lifted her dress slightly as she walked down the stairs of the pavilion. She walked in solace towards a group, and when they noticed her, they roped her into a conversation.

“Welcome princess! We are so delighted to see you.” One of them exclaimed.

“It is a pleasure to meet you too, sir.” She did not know the name of the man, but still wanted to be polite.

“Goodness, just call me lord Tao. I’m an ambassador from Liyue. Came on behalf of King Zhongli to watch the knighting ceremony.”

“Aha, thank you for coming, Lord Tao. I hope that the ceremony was in good taste.”

“It was marvelous. Best of luck to the new knights.”

“Your highness,” another man began to speak, “allow me to introduce myself. My name is Raphael. I am a diplomat from Celestia.”

One of the more powerful countries in Teyvat. Celestia is the largest, with the best army, the best scholars, the best anything. One thing that could not be understood is why Celestia would send a diplomat to watch a knighting ceremony.

“It’s nice to meet you sir, I wasn’t expecting so many diplomats to watch the ceremony, but I’m happy that you’re here nonetheless.” y/n gulped slightly, all of these people varied greatly in age from her. She was afraid that she may seem too much like a child in front of diplomats, or say something wrong.

“Aha, the king instructed me to come. Give his good graces to the new knights,” Raphael gave a smile, “You should visit Celestia one day, princess. It truly is a sight to be seen. One of the most beautiful kingdoms in Teyvat.”

“I’ve never been outside Khaenriah.”

“My, you must go then. When you think about it, write me a letter. I would love to escort you myself. The guards of Celestia will do the most to keep you safe, your highness-”

“It is not the responsibility of the guards of Celestia to ensure her highnesses safety.”

Dainsleif appeared from behind, cutting Raphael off.

“Ah, you’re the personal guard.” Raphael says.

“Lord Raphael, I think you are speaking to the princess too casually. She has duties to fulfill in Khaenriah, do not cloud her mind with some vacation topic in another nation.” Dainsleif narrows his brows at Raphael.

“Forgive me, your highness. I didn't mean to overstep.”

“No, no! You didn’t do such a thing, Dainsleif is just-”

“It is my duty to escort the princess, to ensure her safety. The knights of Khaenriah will do their duty, not those of Celestia.”

Raphael's smile faded, a straight line formed upon his lips. He bowed and began to walk away. Y/n stared in shock at what just happened. The rest of the group bowed as well and took their leave.

“You-why would you do that?” y/n asked, turning towards Dainsleif with panic in her eyes.

“He had no right to put those ideas into your head, you’re too young to be talking to diplomats who are more experienced than you.”

“I was trying to be nice to them! And they were nice to me, why did you have to be so rude about it.”

“Your highness, if I may. Kindness will only take you so far. Take this as a piece of advice, they should not be talking to you about traveling to a different country, especially when you’re this young.”

“Ugh, with a guard like you, it will be impossible to make friends.”

“With a guard like me, there won’t be an assassination attempt on your head.”

Y/n didn’t have any words left. She simply took a deep breath and walked away. It’s as if every encounter with him will end in nothing but worse feelings. 

[glitterypin]

STORY TIME!

I had a friend. We weren't very close but we were friends, not just acquaintances. For a few years I lived in a different city and whenever she was in town, we'd get coffee. One time she actually stayed at my place. We'd known each other for nearly seventeen years and had been friends for about twelve of these. Last year she came to my birthday party, had tremendous fun, thanked me for inviting her (I was like 'why the fuck wouldn't I invite you').

So, last December, it was her birthday and she decided to throw a small celebration at a restaurant not far from the place where I worked, on a Sunday. And she invited me.

But, that was around the same time my Big Clusterfuck Of A Job started getting really stressful and I was doing overtime like crazy and working during the weekends and I was basically an animated corpse who only came alive when placed in front of the editing suite, so when the time came, I didn't actually want to go. I had worked until Saturday and Sunday was going to be my one day off and I wanted to sit at home in my pyjamas and sleep and do nothing. I didn't want to socialize with strangers (her other friends) and I didn't want to essentially ride the same fucking bus to work on my one day off.

So, I knew I didn't want to go at all but I was still trying to persuade myself to just suck it up and go because I didn't want her to be disappointed. However, as I got home from work on Saturday, I did send her a message telling her I'm dead on my feet and I may not make it the next day. I said I'd try but there was a chance I wouldn't make it.

Long story short, she flew off the handle, started very aggressively insisting that if I truly wanted to go then I would make it, so if I didn't make it it's because I don't care about her and the rest is just excuses and she refused to take note of my feelings on the matter at all. My main argument was "I am dead tired, my job is kicking me in the balls and I need to fucking rest for one day because that's all I have" and her argument is "it's only once a year, I don't know what else to tell you".

And then she blocked me.

It was so fucking important to her that I attend her birthday that when I said I wasn't sure if I'd make it, she BLOCKED ME. Apparently, not going to her birthday dinner is the same level of harm to our friendship as BLOCKING ME. Mind you, we don't even have each other's phone number because we always made plans through messenger, so she blocked what was literally out only way of communication.

I was livid for a while but also somewhat relieved because if you're going to be one toxic, messy, tantruming child of a trainwreck, then, yes, please go be that somewhere far away from my life. So irrational and immature was her behaviour that I couldn't really find it in me to miss her afterwards and I was mostly angry that I ever fucking bothered with this person.

And then I moved on. This was eight months ago.

Half an hour ago, at 2 in the fucking morning, I got a text from her. She has unblocked me and she sent me a message that basically boils down to "hey, it wasn't a big deal, I just felt that you weren't up to hanging out with me, I hope you're doing well", smiley face.

EIGHT FUCKING MONTHS LATER

AT TWO IN THE MORNING

SHE TEXTS

AND SHE DOESN'T EVEN FUCKING APOLOGIZE?

instead she says that she felt I wasn't up to it? that it was somehow down to ME that she blocked me? because I didn't go to her fucking birthday dinner? (mind you, I haven't mentioned this so far but it's important to note that this woman is in her FORTIES. she's not twelve or anything.)

When God rained intelligence on the world, was she holding a fucking umbrella??

So, the big dilemma for this week is "should I deign to answer" and so far I think "better not" because I have a feeling my answer is going to be along the lines of "go fuck yourself, you self-centered twat" and that's not a nice thing to say at all...

[daz4i]

ok now i'm gonna be emotional under the cut probably (mentions of suicide but it's not negative. just verbalizing thoughts i had throughout today 🤔)

so many ppl sent me messages today, many in my family sent me direct ones which is rare too - most of them just send it in the groupchats - so they put in the extra effort to make it more personal and less like they're just going with everyone else

and like right on midnight i immediately got beautiful messages from 3 of my besties, and ofc lots of birthdays wishes from mutuals and friends on a discord sever, so many people putting in effort and so fast too. my niece and nephew made drawings especially for me and my niece insisted on cutting paper in half so she could draw even more things and they made me a goodie bag with little gifts and such too. like even the kids put in a lot of effort

but what really gets me is multiple people telling me they're glad i'm alive and they hope to celebrate more birthdays with me, and people in my family wishing for me to have a better future specifically, and people saying they love me and-

it feels very surreal. dgmw i am very touched. as a person who, well, is not the biggest fan of life, and very much did not plan to get to the age of 25, it feels. weird.

birthdays are always a hard time because of that ajdkflglh ever since i was a teen really, i always become even more suicidal on the days leading up to it, like some sense of "i won't reach [age]. i can't. i shouldn't" and as you can tell it did not go further than that lol. i think i end up crying or having a major breakdown p much on every birthday, up until maybe the last 2 (as in, 24 and 25) bc it always feels like i lost, failed in achieving my ultimate goal

and. i guess. seeing this much love, that i didn't expect but i know is there even when it's not verbally expressed. makes it feel less like losing? i can't name what it does feel like - i'm not well versed in positive emotions lol - but it's not negative that's for sure. except maybe it starts being distressing bc i don't understand it :P but that's a me issue hehe.

and. i don't want to live for other people. i have gone past the point of "mom would be sad" years ago. which i think is why it feels so weird. bc it does feel nice, to know people are happy that i'm alive, and that they genuinely want me to be happy, even when i don't

even when I'm thinking "god i'm already this old and haven't achieved anything in my entire life". these people don't care about that. that's why they wish for a better future. what i achieved, to them, is being a kind person i think

idk how to finish this ajdkflg like i said i'm just putting thoughts in words. and crying bc now my bday is over so i can do it without feeling like i failed at some unspoken goal. i always say i'm not good at love, and that goes for being loved too, i feel like a deer in the headlights lol 😭 but it's okay. idk if i'll ever get used to it or learn how to actually accept it rather than just pretend i do, but maybe i don't need to know?

[peachy-panic]

YOU. I HAVE WORDS FOR YOU. I'VE SPENT HOURS TRYING TO FIND THE PERSON WHO MADE THAT RECOMMENDATION I READ TO READ WINTER'S ORBIT.

Like an idiot, I screenshot the post to remember the title without your @. When I read your post, I was like "Hell yeah, I wanna read that." That must have been... What, 2 years ago now? None of the local libraries had it. I asked for it for my birthday. For Christmas. No dice. Couldn't even find it in the city libraries.

A few months ago, I filled out the suggestion form at my local library. Didn't expect anything to come of it.

A few weeks ago, they messaged me that my hold was in. I was confused since I rarely go to the library and haven't put anything on hold ever.

They got it in!! Not only does my little rural library now have a copy, but I got to be the first to read it. It was SO good. The kind of book that makes me feel like I'll never find another book I enjoy so much. It's still sitting on my bed, and I'm thinking of reading it again before I need to return it in a few days.

Anyway, just wanted you to know that your post ended up bringing so much joy, even if it was a long process for me to get my hands on it. I'm thinking I may just buy myself a copy anyway, in the end, since I liked it so much (and books going out of print is like a fear of mine after it happened to me as a kid...).

Thank you.

!!!!!!!! This makes me so incredibly happy. That book remains one of my favs of all time. It will hold a special place in my heart forever.

You’re exactly right about it being the type of story that makes you question if you’ll ever be able to find another book that compares again. I would do anything to be able to read Winter’s Orbit again for the first time.

Anyway, I’m so glad you got you hands on the book, so glad you loved it as much as I did, and SO GLAD you came back to find me and let me know :)

[insegnantilover]

it's been a WHILE since I posted on here, so here's a couple of fun stuff that has happened since then w my tc (note: i dont actually have a crush on him, but i am severely attached to him):

we've organized a couple of demonstrations and protests and stuff together, bc of that we went out to a bar one time with a couple of other teachers, my student organisitaion and him

my choir put together a musical which i played in, and to which all teachers were invited, but he insisted on me inviting him personally, then he and his wife actually came to see us <3

I came out to him as trans and he was extremely supportive, he's constantly asking for ways to help and understand me, he did a lot of research on it after as well <33

to his birthday i made 2 new bracelets for him- i gave all my teachers one last year which he wears on his backpack- but these ones he's always wearing on his wrists :))

a classmate and i had an incident with another teacher, basically he was getting inappropriate in messaging, so i went to my tc about it and he helped us through the processing of it. he came with me to the school psychologist, he made appointments for us for AFTER summer break begun, and he helped us with absolutely everything

some of my other teachers and him invited us to his house for a garden party as a thank you for everything we've done for them this year with all the demonstrations and stuff, and there i finally met his wife officially (we've talked a bit before but this time we spent the evening together it was so nice), and got to play a bit with their kids as well, absolutely lovely experience

now all this was already after summer break started, but I kept going to school for a bit bc of different things, I was helping some other teachers out as well, and since they didn't have a lot to do when we met in the school he told me he was going to read but then we ended up talking for an hour and he realised we don't live far so he insisted to take me home

then the last time I saw him was 2 days ago and this time we actually said our goodbyes bc summer break is now starting for them as well, he took me home again, but since I live next to his favorite grocery shop, we went in to shop for him, and when we finally said our byes, he told me "since we live 1200 meters apart, text me anytime you want to talk and we can even meet up if it helps. any time you text me, I will reply, I might do it at weird hours or something, but I will always reply so if you need anything find me"

which I found really sweet <3 and also I did text him yesterday about some funny card game in which the unicorns resembled him xddd he seemed glad, but I will try to limit myself to like max one text per week lmaooo

[tinatribeca]

Life Update 9/14/24

12:02am

It is always at midnight where I feel the need to sit and contemplate my life and what has changed.

I went to Puerto Rico to spend time with family and celebrate my fathers heavenly birthday. It felt odd being on vacation without him. We spent countless moments talking about vacations- father/daughter quality time overseas. "We need to go away, just you and me" was something he said to me a few times. He was truly one of my best friends. We never got to experience that.

So, being away for what would have been his 60th birthday felt weird, it hurt... it made me feel out of place, I wished often he was there. I tried to be happy and plaster a smile on my face but it was tough.

I got my first tattoo.

I want more of them but we shall see. Tattoos have to be very specifically designed for me to want them on my body. I'm very picky but I had to honor him somehow.

A turntable, a dedication, permanent ink.

I got back a few weeks ago and things have been different. Grieving is unpredictable. There are moments where I find myself truly broken. There are other moments where I am fine, as fine as I can be.

I'm making an effort to spend more time with the people I care about. I'm making an effort to create new memories with people that I barely know, meet new people, teaching myself to be open to love.

I reconnected with an old situationship. That lasted all but 2.5 seconds. He took me to dinner where he told me yet again how he was not looking for anything serious. 2 years later and I am flattered that you still have enough interest to spend a night with me but I told myself that taking him home with me was off the table. Did we make out? Sure. Did he want to come back to my place? Sure. Did I allow that? Nope. I couldn't.

I can't do something casual with someone I already have feelings for.

2 weeks after I decided to test that theory with someone else.

I went on a second date with an accountant and decided: why not.

Casual sex.

What was great for him was actually terrible for me. I'll tell you why.

So it started with dinner and afterwards I invited him over. We casually sat on my couch and watched music videos where he continued to drink, I drank a bit as well but probably not as much as him. I like to be in control.

So, at about 2am we start to make out. I'm thinking well, let me test this theory. Its been a while since I've had sex with someone I didn't really like. Do I care about this guy? Not really. Do I like him? Hmm, I don't know. Am I attracted to him? Absolutely. 

Perfect.

I lead him to my bedroom where clothes come off rather quickly and where he is complimenting me and leading the foreplay, I'm thinking about how drunk he is and how attractive he is naked. We start at missionary first, probably for a second before I get on top. Let me ride this rodeo.

I'm thinking its going to be a good time, not that he is going to orgasm in 90 seconds and that I'm going to ride him for 5 strokes and he's going to be done for that round.

I'm like nah, no way. I'm flattered but let's try this one more time.

Same thing happens second round in another position. From doggy to missionary.

3 minutes tops.

At that point I'm like: NO WAY.

He falls asleep instantly. It isn't until right after he falls asleep that I think about mr. situatioship guy that I went on a date with 2 weeks ago. You want to know what I loved about him?

He always made sure I came first. He always held out.

This guy was a bozo. I'm wide awake staring at the ceiling like yes I can do casual sex but this... this is terrible. How do I make it end?

He wakes up where we have a brief awkward conversation followed by his uber home... a few awkward text messages the next day, the following day after that, and here we are: no longer speaking.

I'll tell you why. Being selfish in bed is an absolute nightmare when you aim to satisfy.

Not the guy for me.

So maybe you are wondering what happened with situationship guy after this. Well, his communication once again became very inconsistent after we reconnected...and we became what we were before:

two strangers with an explosive physical attraction. two years ago we had some great sex but I could never relive that.

I could never allow myself to break my own heart.