#my body has deteriorated! no explanation why

[life1tself]

realizing everything is going to be different forever now and youre not even home so you cant fucking lose your bananas in peace

[kendallroybf]

i’m on day FOUR of cold symptoms should i kms over it yes or yes

[dollyyun]

𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥𝐬 | 02

SYPNOSIS: wherein Hwang Stella's life is tangled in a predicament involving her clandestine identity as a racer, her seemingly daily life as the official heir to the Hwang Empire, and seven guys with whom she has a complex history with. PAIRING: non!idols enhypen members x fem!oc. GENRE: 18+ (mdni), reverse harem, chaebols, semi-college, racing, eventual adulthood, eventual enha being f1 drivers, multiple povs and written in first pov. WARNINGS: expletives, drama. WORD COUNT: 6k+ TAGLIST: @aishigrey @kgneptun

✘ SERIES MASTERLIST ✘

I reach out for my jacket in the backseat before carefully wrapping it around her fragile body, which seems to be shivering from the cold. As I do so, Stella stirs lightly in her sleep before she turns her head to face me.

I look at her, feeling at ease upon seeing how peacefully she looks in her sleep. Her long lashes kiss under her eyes, and her naturally pink lips form a tiny pout. I smile faintly at myself. She looks exactly as she did whenever she fell asleep.

I can't resist brushing the few strands of her hair from her face, and so I gently tuck them behind her ear. I find myself gently brushing her soft cheek with my thumb.

I regret what happened. I regret breaking her heart. I regret being such a dumbass to fall for a trap.

Just how cruel was it to leave Stella behind when I promised that I'd be her best friend forever? Fuck.

What makes it complicated is the fact that she was my first love as well. My feelings for her have always been there, deep in my tainted heart.

Even as I have tried moving on and going out with other girls, they're just not Stella. In the end, I broke all of their hearts by leaving and ghosting them without any explanation. Just like I did to her.

Fuck, I'm such the worst. If I had recognised the trap in the first place, we wouldn't be like this. Strangers with memories of each other.

Last week, when I had to chase after her to return her wallet, my heart broke when she cried into my arms, and I know the reason she cried was because of Jake and Rena. As much as I would've liked to be happy that she is no longer with Jake, I couldn't. I remembered how genuinely happy she looked whenever they were together on campus.

Then something happened. Something that also affected the friendship dynamic between the seven of us. Something that I should investigate soon.

I look at Stella once more. "I miss you, and I'm sorry, Stel." I mumble sadly.

A low sigh escapes my lips before I reluctantly pull my hand away from her precious face. I redirect my focus to the road. Thankfully, there are no other vehicles at the junction we're at, as the light has turned green for a while.

As I drive to the street where her mansion resides, all I can think about is the party at Sunghoon's. Truth be told, I disapprove of Stella going.

I have a bad feeling about it. Especially given that some of the guys are not on good terms. Let's just hope it's nothing.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

The unmistakable cough that belongs to my mother is resounding as I tread along this familiar corridor. I nod in acknowledgment upon noticing the faces of nurses who greet me with pleasant smiles, but my face remains vacant. Right after my last lecture ended early, I decided to head to the hospital.

Each time I come here, I've grown to despise the hospital. Moreover, I despise seeing my mother on the hospital bed. Four months ago, one of the helpers found my mother lying on the bathroom floor, unconscious. There was also a minor bleed on her head. Her health has deteriorated ever since. She's even more fragile and needs supervision at all times, according to the doctor.

Arriving near her room, my hand reaches up to knock, but I halt when I hear my father's voice as well as my brother's. I hesitate to enter while my hand withdraws. Why the hell is my father here? Has he finally come to be a proper husband now?

Just as I'm about to step, I hear light footsteps rushing towards the door. I silently cuss. My silhouette must've caught his attention. Alas, the ajar door swings entirely open.

"Jungwon hyung!"

My lips form into a faint smile as I bend down to welcome my little brother into a hug, to which he latches his limbs around me flimsily.

My little brother, who has just turned six, Yang Subin, is the apple of my eye. Melancholy brims within me, prompting me to hug Subin tighter. I was supposed to have two little brothers, one of whom was also supposed to be Subin's twin. Unfortunately, he didn't survive through childbirth. We lamented over his death, but my mother fell into depression. Her grievance lasted more than awhile; she was unable to eat proper meals and had trouble sleeping.

I was only sixteen, and it broke my heart to witness the state of my mother.

Since my father was often busy with work and business, I have had to step in and fulfil my duty as an older brother. Thanks to my part-time nanny, she taught me how to change a baby's diaper, the milk preparations, and the correct method to swaddle a baby. Though my nanny should be the one to do all of those, I insisted since she had to supervise my mother.

It was laborious because I had to juggle between school and taking care of Subin. At times, I did find myself resenting my parents for leaving me to do it all, especially my father. I get that he's a businessman, but it wouldn't hurt to step up and be a father to Subin and to me.

I was a child too, and I needed both my parents.

Thankfully, when Subin hit the age of three, he was easy to handle, and my nanny insisted that she look after him. So I was quite flexible, being able to spend my time with my friends and by myself while also spending time with Subin whenever. That was also when my mother recovered from her grievance.

At that point in time, I had discovered a hobby I was passionate about. I was influenced by my friends and was pulled into the world of racing. Even though I knew nothing of racing, I was sharp-witted and learned so much. Now, racing is something I hold close to my heart.

It is risky on my part, considering I'm a Chaebol and racing is deemed preposterous in the world of high class, but I don't really care. Besides, it looks like my father is not making me an heir anytime soon.

"Jungwon." My mother smiles at me as I lean down to embrace her in a hug, being as careful as I can. My mother, despite how evidently the deterioration of her health has affected her appearance, still looks beautiful. Her kind gaze, her gentle smile, and how strong she truly is, despite the fact that my father had broken her heart one or two times, which I've seen firsthand.

"Jungwon." My father greets me as though I'm one of his employees. Not wanting to look at his face, I merely nod my head while I keep my eyes trained on my mother.

"Dad! Can we buy banana milk?" Subin asks adorably as he tilts his head.

"Of course we can, son." My father's tone sounds warm, and I feel the familiar bitterness on my tongue. Towards Subin, he's a completely different person. It's as if he decided to finally step up and become a proper father to Subin.

"Hyung! Hyung!" Subin tugs at my hand, beaming with a smile of excitement. "Can you follow us? Pleaseeee?"

Thankfully, my mother decides to intervene. "Mommy wants to talk to Hyungie first, okay?"

"Fine." Subin huffs, crossing his arms over his chest with a pout on his lips. "Come on, Dad!"

We remain silent until we hear the door close. Finally, I exhale, feeling relief, and the tension dissipates. My mother gives me a knowing look.

I raise my eyebrow. "What is it?"

She sighs. "You know what, Jungwon."

"I've told you, Mom, it's impossible for us to reconcile." I answer, concealing my frustration as I run my fingers through my hair. "I prefer things the way they are now."

The sadness brimming in her eyes crushes my heart. "Your father had apologised and amended matters with me."

"I'm happy for you, Mom, truly. But I don't think I could ever forgive him for failing to be a father to me." I give her a bitter smile.

My mother sighs once more before shaking her head. "Anyway, I've been meaning to talk to you about this. What happened between you and Stella, dear?"

I visibly flinch, and my frown deepens. Why is she suddenly bringing this up now?

Nonetheless, I respond to her as I lower my gaze. "It's nothing, Mom. We've only drifted apart, and we're both busy with our lives. This happens to friendships often than you think. It's normal."

My mother smiles sadly. "I'm sure it isn't. Especially when my son has lost his spark ever since." She holds my hand tenderly while I refuse to look at her. "I know, Jungwon. You might think that I didn't notice, but I do. I didn't want to pry, but I remembered how heartbroken you looked."

Before I can respond, my mother tilts my head up with her finger. She frowns. "Did she hurt you?"

I shake my head. "No, it's actually complicated." I force out a chuckle. "Let's just say that there were misunderstandings on both sides."

"I've always liked that girl." My mother hums. "Even though she's a Hwang, I did approve of her in any case you wished to wed her."

"Mom." I let out a groan, burying my face into my palms. "We were only best friends."

"Your father and I were best friends too." My mother laughs lightly. "You could never know what fate had planned for you."

Don't worry, mom. Our fate has already been planned at the moment I broke her heart. It's clear that Stella and I can never mend the broken fences.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

Friday is my favourite day of the week. Not only does my last lecture end early, but it is also the day where we usually race at the fixed venue against other teams. The racing arena is massive and is also owned by Sunghoon's uncle. Sunghoon is truly one rich guy. I mean, the rest of us are wealthy, but Sunghoon is different. I swear, that guy could buy an island if he wanted to.

Another is that it used to be the seven of us against other teams, but things happened, leading to our separation. Now it's four against three. Thankfully, Sunoo, Ni-Ki, and I are still on good terms. But I can't say the same to the other guys.

"Jungwon!" Sunoo waves at me from afar, where he is also with Heeseung and Ni-Ki. Since Jake and Jay have yet to arrive, I walk over to the other team with the intention of greeting them.

"I thought you weren't going to show up." Sunoo says after bro-hugging me. "How's your mother?"

"She's doing a little better." I reply with a small smile. I don't miss the way Heeseung glances at me while he is busily adjusting his leather jacket.

"What happened to your mother?" Heeseung breaks the ice, prompting me to meet his gaze.

Heeseung and I have no feuds, but maybe it's the fact that I'm much closer to Jay, so that explains why we often have this unexplainable cold war between him and me. Truth be told, I like Heeseung, and I used to look up to him as an older brother figure I wish I had. He was the first friend I made during our first year of orientation week.

I rub my nape, feeling awkward. "Her health deteriorated, but she's doing better with therapy and medications."

Heeseung slowly nods his head before looking away from me. "I see. Tell her that I wish her a speedy recovery."

"Will do." I respond as I watch him make his way towards his Ferrari. I miss him, and I miss the way the seven of us were together.

"Where the fuck are Jay and Jake? The race should be starting soon." Sunghoon's voice approaches us from behind, the irritation is identifiable in his voice. "What are you doing here, Jungwon?"

"Good to see you too, Sunghoon." Sarcasm laces my tone as I look at him. "I'm just here to greet my friends and wish them good luck. You know, good sportsmanship and all."

It seems that I manage to annoy Sunghoon, but not enough to gain his full attention on me as he waves me off dismissively while proceeding to walk towards Heeseung. From what I remember, Heeseung and Sunghoon are maternal cousins, but their friendship is just like any other. They're close, but not as close as he was with Jay and Jake.

It confounded me when I found out that Sunghoon chose to cut ties with Jay and Jake because the three of them were closer than everyone thought, and their bond was admirable. In the end, Sunghoon remains fiercely loyal to Heeseung.

As for Sunoo and Ni-Ki, they're the only ones that the rest of the guys have no issue with and can freely interact with. Even Heeseung informed them that they could choose to team up with Jay and Jake, but they insisted and stayed with him and Sunghoon.

So yeah, that's how complicated our dynamic is.

"Good evening, boys." A familiar, manly voice greets us before I turn to see Sunghoon's uncle, Park Junho, walking towards us with a fatherly smile etched on his face. A chorus of 'hey' and 'what's up' is delivered by us to him, to which he smiles even wider.

"I know it's rare for me to visit you guys, but I have small news to break." Junho announces. "There will be a new racer joining us tonight. She's the niece of a good friend of mine, though he's nowhere to be found now." Junho sighs, the worry in his eye is evident. "Anyway, I trust that you all will look out for her because I know how indecent the other racers can be towards women who race."

True that.

"Sure, Uncle." Sunghoon nods his head in affirmation. "So is she joining tonight as a one-time thing or??"

Junho purses his lips, lines creasing on his forehead, as he seems to be thinking. "I'm not entirely sure. But I did inform her that she's welcome to be a permanent crew member here."

"Who is she, anyway?" Sunoo asks, throwing gum into his mouth.

Oddly, Junho's expression changes, looking as though he's hiding something. "I can't tell you, as I've made a promise that I will keep her identity confidential."

"Mysterious and a potential hot lady?" Sunghoon smirks, to which I roll my eyes. Typical. "I can't wait to meet her."

"Behave, son." Junho gives him a knowing look. "We don't want to scare her away now."

"Don't worry, Uncle." Ni-Ki slings an arm around Sunghoon's shoulder roughly. "I'll make certain he behaves himself."

Sunghoon shoots Ni-Ki a playful scowl before attempting to push him away. "I'm older than you, kid."

Junho shakes his head at their childish banter before excusing himself to speak with Heeseung privately.

"Jungwon! What are you doing with this lame bunch?" I stagger forward when Jay's arm slings around my shoulder.

"Lame bunch?!" Sunghoon gasps dramatically before throwing daggers at Jay with his glare. "Why, I ought to skin your ass alive─"

But I'm too preoccupied to listen to their usual squabble, as I see something that is dreadful enough to make me lose the mood to race.

There's Hwang Rena, walking hand-in-hand with Jake. What the hell is she doing here?

I don't seem to realise that I'm too busy glaring at Rena for quite some time before I feel Jay's finger poking my cheek. "Why does a cat like you look like you're going to pounce on someone?" He asks with an amused grin.

"Why is Rena here?" I accidentally say it out loud with such disdain, prompting the other guys to turn their heads at the couple.

Rena, who is dressed as though she is about to participate in the race, with the exception that she's wearing a skirt, beams at us with a smile. "Hey, guys!"

Jay gives her a nod, whereas the others greet her with a chorus of 'hi' and 'hey'. As for me? I don't bother. I refuse to waste my breath on someone like her.

"What are you doing here, Rena?" Ni-Ki asks as he puts on his black, fingerless gloves. He stares at her with an arched eyebrow. "I don't suppose you'll be joining us in the race."

Rena chuckles lightheartedly, but even her chuckles are enough to burn my ears. "I wish I could race, but nope! I'm here to support Jakey!"

I watch as she tiptoes to aim a kiss on Jake's lips, but much to my amusement, she only manages to kiss his cheek as Jake turns his head. I don't bother to conceal my smirk at the visible disappointment written on her face.

Sunghoon's loud groan garners our attention. There is pure annoyance on his face. "What a sight for sore eyes! Can you three go back to your stations? Your presence here is not welcomed."

"Gladly." Jay says snidely before pulling me with him while Rena still clings to Jake.

Just then, a blaring engine startles us before we look at the source of the sound. My eyes widen at the sight of a purple Lamborghini Huracán GT3 EVO2 before pulling up at one of the empty stations.

Even Jake and Jay are still gaping at the sight, because we recognise other racers and their motorsport vehicles. Whoever the person is, that must be the girl Junho talked to us about.

Finally, the long-awaited reveal. She steps out of the car as gracefully as she does. Her hair is the shade of caramel with blond highlights as they cascade down her shoulders wavy. Her outfit consists of white leather. But she has concealed her face with a pair of sunglasses and a black mask that covers half of her face. The only visible feature is her forehead.

Though she stands far from us, I can discern the aura she emits. Intimidating, cold, and potent. It reminds me of a certain someone, except that she has plain dark hair while this mysterious lady has a different hair shade.

But as I look closely, her physique resembles Stella's. I shake my head at the thought of it. Nah, Stella is not the type to be involved in such an illicit activity. Stella would never waste her time on any of this. She's too busy with her life now that she's the official heir of the Hwang.

Little did I know that I would be proven wrong eventually.

Compared to the previous arenas I've ever raced at, this is by far the biggest. What astonishes me greatly is the spectacular roof light that allows us to see the skies. This is an excellent method of preventing rain from entering, as previous incidences have resulted in catastrophic harm to participants due to inclement weather.

Maybe I should consider Junho's offer in regards to being a permanent crew member here. Park Junho, aka my great-nemesis's uncle and my uncle's good friend, is a racing expert, and from my research, he has also participated in the Formula 1 Grand Prix. Initially, I had no idea that he knew my uncle. I only knew him as Sunghoon's uncle, though I've only seen him twice at business functions.

The only explanation for how I finally knew that he was friends with my uncle was all thanks to the person whom I've hired to search for anyone who had some form of connection with my uncle. So I reached out to him, informing him of who I am and how imperative it was for him to meet me, which happened three days ago.

We met at a cafe and talked. Strangely enough, the way he carried himself and his personality reminded me of my uncle. I could see why they got along so well. I'm glad that I could place my trust in him, as he too had the same goal.

For some peculiar reason, some of my relatives gave me vague answers that didn't really apply to my question about my uncle's whereabouts. Not only that, but my parents, especially my father, forbade me from asking questions in relation to my uncle and searching for him.

I didn't dare to ask why, given how it seemed as though it was paramount not to inquire anymore. But it feels as though I've been purposely kept in the dark. And so, I've decided to take matters into my own hands.

I'm not dumb enough to notice that they were all sketchy as fuck. I know it isn't right to assume, but there might be a possibility that they were involved in my uncle's disappearance.

How fucked up it is to not be able to trust your family and instead trust someone outside of the bloodline. Though I hope that my assumption is wrong. 

As soon as I pull over to one of the empty stations, I put on my mask and sunglasses before exiting my Lamborghini. I love her as though she's my baby. I adjust the crop-top leather jacket around my figure before my gaze settles on the familiar figures from afar.

I'm not surprised to see them because Junho did inform me that they're permanent crew members here. But what genuinely surprises me is that they're split into two different teams instead of one. When I was still with Jaeyun, he did tell me that he and the other guys were involved in the racing business and were a team. I wonder what happened.

But wait, is that Hwang fucking Rena? What the hell is she doing here, out of all places? Oh, right. Jaeyun. I ignore the bitterness that feels like acid in my throat.

As long as I don't remove my mask and sunglasses, I'm good. I just have to be careful enough if any of them decide to interact with me. I could probably try to speak in a lower octave.

Realising that they're not going to stop staring at me anytime soon, I make my way inside, hoping to meet Junho again or head to the cafeteria to buy some refreshments.

Deciding to head to the cafeteria, I spot other racers socialising and mingling around. Heads turn as I walk past them, but I continue to make my way towards one of the stalls that sell drinks. After I pay for an energy drink, I turn around, but I bump into a solid figure that causes me to drop my drink, thanks to my loose grip.

But as I bend down, my sunglasses slide down, dropping to the ground as well. I mutter a cuss. At least my eye makeup looks fiercer than usual, so no one could recognise me at first glance.

"Sorry." It happens fast, because when I touch my bottle, so does the person. What's worse is that he is the last person I ever want to see.

I don't mean to glance up, but the instant I do so, my eyes lock with his, and while our hands touch, it feels as though there's electricity between us.

"It's fine." I answer him as gruffly as I can, quickly snatching my bottle and my sunglasses before walking away from him in haste.

I'm positive he didn't recognise me since I was swift. Besides, he only managed to notice my eyes at first glance, and he didn't even look that surprised, as though he had expected who I was.

Wait a minute.

My eyes widen in a dreadful realisation while my heart beats harder than usual. Oh, fuck.

Just before I can quickly make my way back to the station, a hand latches itself around my wrist with no intention of letting go, dragging me along with him to God knows where. I suppress making any remarks, not wanting to give away the final clue to who I am. Or maybe he already had a hunch from the moment his gaze stayed on me with such intensity earlier.

We are now in a secluded corner, far from any prying eyes or ears, with the only sound that can be heard faintly through these walls being the arena's speakers playing music.

Finally, he turns around and looks at me with a piercing gaze that I find myself flinching lightly from. If anything, he looks dissatisfied.

"You can remove your sunglasses and mask now." That is an order. "I know that you're you, Stella. Did you really think you could fool me?"

Oh, now it's my turn to be pissed off. Fine, then.I remove my sunglasses, and once I do, my eyes burn with hatred as we maintain eye contact while I remove my mask. I click my tongue in annoyance. "Maybe next time, try not to drag a girl like that without consent."

"I would never do that to anyone without consent, but I needed to get you out of there. There were too many eyes on you." Now he seems pissed. With one hand on his waist, he runs his fingers through his hair with the other in frustration before settling his gaze on me once more. "What the hell were you thinking? You're into racing now? Do you realise how many racers out there belong to the same society as us and the fact that you could get into deep trouble if they know who you are? You're the official Hwang heir, Stella!"

I don't deter, standing firm on my ground despite how hurt I am that he raises his voice at me. "Even if I am into racing, so what? Even if they might find out who I am, so what?" My voice comes out shaky as I struggle to remain calm. I take a step towards him, mustering the coldest glare I can, as our eye contact never falters. "Yeah, I might get into trouble, big time. But what's it to you, Yang Jungwon?"

Jungwon clenches his jaw and takes a step towards me, causing my breaths to hitch in my throat at the close proximity between us. "Because I care, Hwang Stella."

A scoff leaves my lips before I can even hold back. "Don't lie to me. We both know that you don't give a damn about me, at least not anymore."

"That's the thing, Stella! I did care for you, and I still do!" This time, there is a raw emotion that is palpable in his voice. My eyebrows furrow, noticing the desperation in his eyes. His voice drops to a whisper, sounding as vulnerable as ever. "Please believe me."

I want to, I really do. But the memory of him ignoring and abandoning me without any explanations when I really needed him the most still hurts me. I don't know if I can forgive him. My eyes turn glossy with each blink as I tighten my grip on my bottle.

"Go back to being the heartless jerk, Jungwon." My voice betrays the firm stance I put up as it cracks. "Don't make me hate you more than I already do."

"Stella, wait─"

Refusing to listen to what he has to say, I turn around, ready to leave him, but upon seeing Heeseung, who is standing a few metres from us, When his eyes meet mine, he doesn't seem too surprised, but at the same time, he does. His eyes flicker at Jungwon briefly.

"Shit." I hear Jungwon cuss lowly behind me. "Heeseung, don't tell anyone about this─"

"Uncle Junho was looking for you." Heeseung interrupts, his tone sounds calm. "You should go."

I can feel Jungwon's burning gaze on me before he finally leaves, feeling a cold breeze when he walks past me. Even after Jungwon is out of my sight, I remain in my spot with my gaze lowered.

"Stella─"

"Don't." I shake my head. "I know what you're going to say."

Heeseung approaches me slowly. "I was about to ask if you're okay."

I lift my head up, seeing how genuine he looks. I give him a terse smile. "I'm fine."

Heeseung raises his eyebrow as attractively as he does so. "Really? Somewhere along the lines, I heard you say you hated Jungwon. I didn't know you two were close enough for you to hate him."

It's clear that Heeseung is the persistent type. So I answer him flatly. "No offence, Heeseung, but it's not in any of your business to pry."

"I thought we were friends. Hence, the reason why I asked if you were okay." Heeseung scans me once more. "If you insist that you're okay, then why do you look like you're on the verge of tears?"

Damn me and my sudden inability to hold back my emotions. I attempt to wipe the tears that are already rolling down my cheeks, but I am stopped by Heeseung as he holds my wrist gently.

"Allow me." Heeseung's thumb brushes away the tears on my cheeks gently as he does so. I flicker my gaze to his face, noticing the frown on his pink lips while he seems to be focused. Against my will, my heart flutters with how gentle he is.

Pausing his action while I feel him still cradling my face, his eyes meet mine once again. He gazes at me with such tenderness that I find myself tearing up again.

"I don't know what happened to you and your past, but you didn't deserve any of it." He says ever so softly. "Do you want a hug?"

I let out a small chuckle while my tears run down freely. "Yes, please."

Heeseung opens his arms wide, inviting me into his warm embrace as I wrap my arms around him. I close my eyes and allow myself to relax. I lean into him, our bodies touching. The pleasant smell of his cologne tempts me to bury my head into his chest.

I feel him patting my back gently. "It's going to be okay, Stel."

I shake my head before I lean my forehead against his shoulder and sigh deeply. "I don't know, Heeseung. I'm just too afraid of getting hurt again and again. I've had enough."

"Don't worry. I'll protect you from whoever intends to harm you."

My chuckle sounds muffled against his shoulder before I tilt my head up to look at his side profile. "What, you want to be my knight in shining armour?" I jest. "I'm not some damsel in distress, Heeseung."

"We're friends now, aren't we?" He looks down at me. A peculiar emotion glimmers in his eyes before his gaze darkens. "I can assure you, sweetheart, that I protect what's mine. If you need me to keep your identity confidential, I will do so. Whatever you want or need, I'm at your service."

It is peculiar. My heart has been fluttering, but this time it has intensified. Under his dark gaze, I feel as though I'm prey, unable to find any escape route.

"Thanks, Heeseung." I offer him a small smile in return before I pull away from his embrace, despite how comfy it is to be hugged by him. "We should head back."

Heeseung nods in agreement. We proceed to make our way back to our respective stations, while the look in his eyes is something I'm unable to erase. Though I feel like I can trust him, I can't seem to ignore his gaze that was looking at me. Danger.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

Throughout my racing endeavours, my stunning, sleek purple Lamborghini Huracán GT3 EVO2 has never disappointed me. Maybe it's because I invest an ample amount of maintenance in her and take great care of her, or maybe it's because of my skills, but victory inevitably comes my way. However, I believe that the triumph belongs not only to me but also to her. I would not have accomplished it without her. We're a team.

"Let's score another victory, yeah?" I murmur, my hand rubbing the premium leather, which feels smooth beneath the tips of my gloveless fingers, with affection.

The engine's exhaust blares loudly as I do it on purpose, obviously conspicuous enough to draw attention to me. As I await the flag to lower, I steal a quick glance at my opponent. I'm competing against Jaeyun. This is the last competition of the night. Earlier, I'd competed against Riki, Sunoo, and Jay, and I'd prevailed over them.

The sheer tenacity tightens my clutches on the steering wheel while my tongue pokes the inside of my cheek. The thirst to triumph against my ex-boyfriend is strong. My patience starts to run thin.

On cue, as the flag lowers itself, so do we. My hands are operating the functions effortlessly, as though they have minds of their own. I may have underestimated Jaeyun's prowess. We're practically on a tie after having finished the first lap.

I pick up the velocity, and a smirk tugs at my lips as I eventually overtake Jaeyun, but it isn't long before he manages to catch up with me. I bite my lower lip in vexation. Damn it. Why do I feel like tonight might actually be the first time that I'll be crushed?

Heaving breaths in frustration, my clutches become deadly on the steering wheel as I watch Jaeyun overtake me before drifting expertly and leaving me in the dust. Despite the humiliation I feel, I continue to reach the finish line. I slouch my shoulders in defeat.

Though there aren't many spectators on the bleachers, there are other racers aside from the guys who have just witnessed the competition. My cheeks heat up with embarrassment. I was supposed to win, especially when I'm a newbie. Ugh, I must've put on bad impressions now that Jaeyun prevailed over me.

I remain seated in my car while my face is blank as I watch Jaeyun exit his car with a smile—a stupid yet handsome smile that used to flutter my heart. I scoff loudly at the moment Rena comes to the scene, lunging towards Jaeyun for a hug. My heart clenches with the familiar sentiment as I watch him reciprocate the hug, his arm around her waist.

My knuckles turn pale with each second I grip the steering wheel. Why does it have to be Rena?

I become startled when I hear a knock on my window. I look to the side and see Junho. I roll down the window and greet him with a tight smile. "I know, I lost. It's embarrassing."

Junho gives me a smile of assurance. "Actually, you did more than great. No one has ever managed to come close to Jake until you."

A sigh leaves my lips. "But I still lost."

"But the two of you came close to a tie." Junho counters. "Jake is one of the finest racers here, and with the exception of the six of them, other racers have lost against him miserably, but you two complemented each other well. It also looked like you had chemistry with him, except it's with your motorsport cars." He jests.

I find myself chuckling dryly, my gaze returning to the view ahead, where Jake is seen assisting Rena inside his vehicle. "You have no idea."

As the eldest and the official heir, I ought to be a perfectionist. Throughout my upbringing, I was taught and apprised to excel in everything. It didn't matter if I hated it, because what mattered was that I lived up to my parents' expectations of me.

My parents often showered me with love and care, but at times, I could see through their manipulations. Though everyone perceives them as the exemplary couple who met through a business-arranged marriage, they complement each other well, and that includes their manipulations and deceptions.

In the beginning, I was naive and only cared that my parents loved me and often spoiled me with anything I desired. I was foolish to have ignored my younger sister, who yearned for my parents' and my affections. I did feel content that I received more attention from my parents compared to my sister, but I soon realised how badly it affected her when she began giving me cold shoulders and impertinent remarks.

I intend to amend things with her, all because I was greedy and ignorant. When we hit college, her icy demeanour melted towards me as I often conversed with her, even though she tried to ignore me. Eventually, she caved in and accepted me back, though there are still some unspoken feelings.

I look down on my phone and send her a text, informing her that I've arrived. As usual, she only seen my text. While waiting for her in the parking lot, my finger scrolls through my contacts before it stops on a certain name. Stella.

Without thinking twice, I tap on her contact information and decide to send her a text.

HEESEUNG: Will I be seeing you at the party?

I wait patiently, expecting her to reply late, but she surprises me once more. Just like the night when I accidentally caught a glimpse of her face when we raced a few weeks ago.

STELLA: Unfortunately, yes. Though I doubt that I'm entirely welcomed.

HEESEUNG: Nonsense. Anyone is welcome as long as they enjoy beer and skittles.

STELLA: I'll skip the beer, thanks.

The sides of my lips upturn as I smile lightly. I probably look like a fool, but I can't bring myself to care enough. I continue to text her, ignoring how obviously eager I am to continue the conversation with her.

HEESEUNG: Promise me that you'll find me first at the party?

STELLA: What if I want to meet a friend?

HEESEUNG: Wait, you have friends?

I chuckle to myself when she sends an angry face emoji.

STELLA: Idiot. Aren't you my friend as well?

HEESEUNG: I was only joking. Besides, I didn't expect you to have other friends.

STELLA: Are you jealous?

HEESEUNG: What if I say I am?

STELLA: Jealousy doesn't suit you, Heeseung.

HEESEUNG: You haven't even seen me jealous, sweetheart.

STELLA: .......Anyway, I have to go. See you later, if I even manage to find you.

HEESEUNG: Don't worry. I'll be the one to find you first.

The passenger door swings open, prompting me to close my phone. I clear my throat, erasing the smile off my face while my sister is busily wearing her seatbelt.

"I told you not to fetch me too early." She grumbles, her eyebrows furrowing as she looks at me. "What happened?"

My hands grip the steering wheel, turning as I begin to make our way out of the parking lot. "What do you mean?" I ask.

"Well, you look as if you've gotten your first kiss." She points out, amusement lacing her tone. "I mean, I know that you're a player, but I have never seen you look like that."

A frown tugs at my lips before I take a quick glance at her smirking face. "First of all, I was never a player. Those girls just happened to like me and chased after me relentlessly while I clearly had no interest in any of them, or anyone for that matter."

"Did you really?"

"What?"

"I mean, I clearly remember you accidentally telling me that you had a crush on some girl you saw at the library in your first year." She states knowingly. "You should've approached her and given her your number!" She punches my shoulder lightly.

A faint smile appears on my lips as I recall. "I was too much of a coward back then. I did have the intention to introduce myself to her, but when that happened, she had already belonged to someone else."

The nostalgia still stings, and it's even worse when I was the one who noticed her first before the other man managed to win over her heart before I could even pursue her.

"Heeseung, are you okay?" My sister asks me in a soft tone, which I find surprising because she rarely uses that tone with me.

"Of course. Why wouldn't I be?" I reply calmly before turning into the familiar street. "It's just a silly crush."

Besides, I finally have her right where I wanted her.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─��

The party is hosted at Sunghoon's place, which is a stupendous three-story villa. The exterior is painted in magnificent obsidian, exhibiting a sophisticated veneer. Even as I'm inside my car, the booming sound of music coming from the villa is discernible.

I've known Sunghoon practically since birth, yet even after all these years, I still find it hard to fully grasp the immense wealth that runs through his entire family. As we speak of his family's wealth, his father gifted him this villa for his eighteenth birthday. Yes, this villa belongs solely to Sunghoon.

As I pull up where the other vehicles are arrayed on the massive asphalt driveway with some peeps from college loitering around, I do a quick scan to look for a certain Tesla, but disappointment dawns on me as I realise that she has yet to arrive.

"Let's get drunk and nasty!" The shrill voice that belongs to my sister causes me to wince. She is also patently exhilarated, even though there is no alcohol in her system yet. She even gains some cheers of approval from those who are loitering in the driveway, to which she waves at them with a beaming smile in return, as though she's a celebrity.

"No nasty things!" I call out to her, shaking my head as she skips carefreely towards the entrance but stops when Sunoo comes out. As if they haven't met for ten years, my sister squeals and pulls Sunoo into a hug. Sunoo spots me and waves his hand at me before bringing my sister inside. I swear, those two behave more like siblings than my sister and I do.

I halt my steps on the pavement, just a few metres away from the entrance. I glance behind, as though I'm hoping that her Tesla is coming, but I have a feeling that she's late.

"Heeseung!" Out of nowhere, Ni-Ki approaches me from the side. He greets me with our signature handshake, but my eyes find their way trailing towards two familiar figures. Jay and Jake.

Ni-Ki must've been with them. Before I can look away, Jake catches my gaze while Jay continues to smoke. He raises an eyebrow at me, and there's a challenging glint in his eye, as though he dares me to confront him once more.

In return, my gaze turns colder, holding the eye contact much longer than I intended, and even Jay whips his head to look at me. Finally, I break the eye contact between us before proceeding inside, with Ni-Ki patting my back as though in an attempt to simmer down.

I don't know if I felt indignant back there, but I can confirm that there was disappointment with a hint of sorrow. Fucking hell, Jake Sim. Ever since he started dating Rena, he has changed, especially his behaviour towards me.

At first, I was about to let it go, but it gradually got worse when a physical fight broke out between me and him to the point where the other guys had to hold us back. Then, a few days later, a major feud happened between Jay and Sunghoon. I can't precisely recall, but it has something to do with their parents being business rivals, and it eventually involved the two guys, who were once close enough to regard each other as brothers.

And so, we collectively agree that it's in everyone's best interest to split up, though Sunoo, Jungwon, and Ni-Ki are still on the best terms, for which I'm thankful and, at the same time, I feel saddened. Especially Jungwon.

As if on cue, I spot him hanging out with my sister and Sunoo at one corner, where there is a couch big enough to fit five people. A boyish grin is etched on his face while his attention is on my sister. A familiar ache makes its way towards my heart. I'm glad that he still gets along well with my sister.

Jungwon and I haven't been talking for so long until last night, when I overheard him speaking about his ill mother. I don't even know why Jungwon drifted away from me, but it is highly likely due to the fact that he's closer to Jay. As for Jay, he and Jake were childhood friends, so it's natural for him to choose Jake's side.

"Heeseung! You're finally here!" Sunghoon approaches me. A grin plasters itself on his face while there are two red plastic cups in his hands. "Here." He offers me one of the drinks, which I willingly accept.

As I lean my back against the wall with one hand sliding into my pocket, I begin to take sips of the flavoured vodka that suits my taste. Sunghoon settles himself next to me.

"You're the life of the party, aren't you?" I ask before taking sips again. "So why haven't you entertained the guests like a party host should?"

Sunghoon lets out a snort. "Done that. You're the one who arrived late to witness it."

I glance at him. "I'm surprised you invited Jay and Jake."

"I didn't!" A scowl appears on his face. "I bet Sunoo and Ni-Ki dragged them here. But that's alright. As long as they don't do anything to ruin this party."

"You just want to show off to them that you'll always be the one to throw a great party."

"Guilty." Sunghoon shrugs his shoulders. "By the way, a mutual friend of mine is interested in you." He nudges me, a gesture of suggestiveness. "She's from my department. If you want, I can set you two up."

I chuckle breathily. "Hoon, why bother trying when you know that my answer will always remain the same?"

"I'm just trying to help out my best friend!" Sunghoon punches my shoulder lightly. "You know, despite your bad boy persona, you're a nerd. I mean, you haven't even lost your virginity!"

"I'm saving it for someone special." I bring the red cup to my lips, drinking the last of the vodka.

"Who are you saving it for?" He asks exasperatedly. What a drama queen.

"Just someone." I answer slowly, as my attention is no longer focused on him but instead on someone as she walks through the entrance. My surroundings feel like a blur as my sole focus is on her.

The shade of her hair, as it cascades down her slender shoulder, is a divine lilac, unlike the last night I saw. Well, it makes sense for her to change her hair colour since she can't risk the other guys noticing the similarity between her and the mysterious racer last night. She is adorned in a short black dress that shows off her figure with a crop-top denim jacket that complements well with the whole look.

Holy fuck. She looks exquisite.

Her eyes, which are always enthralling, seem to be searching for something or someone as they scan over the crowd. When her eyes finally meet mine, my heart experiences palpitations. She gazes at me for awhile before breaking into a small smile.

"Hold this for me, thanks." I tell Sunghoon without tearing my gaze off of her.

"What? But your cup is empty!" Sunghoon's confusion is apparent, but I'm too preoccupied, already making my way through the crowd.

As I approach her, a small smile returns to her gorgeous countenance. I don't miss the way her eyes seem to be scanning me.

"You're late." I comment, hiding the fact that I'm delighted to see her. I don't want to seem that desperate.

"And the party is not ending anytime soon, right?" Stella muses, tilting her head slightly to one side as she looks at me. "I didn't expect to meet you this soon."

"Disappointed, sweetheart?" A smirk tugs at my lips. "Who were you expecting to see first?"

"A friend."

"Male or female?"

"Is that jealousy I sense?" She muses with her eyebrows raised.

"Of course. I don't want the friend I made to abandon me." I merely jest, but her smile falters lightly.

"I'm not that type of person, Heeseung." It's fast, but I manage to catch a glimpse of pain in her eyes before it disappears.

I frown. "I was only joking, sweetheart."

"Do you call your friends that, or does it only apply to me?" She asks as we decide to make our way around.

"Only you. So you should feel honoured." She rolls her eyes at my playful response. "Besides, sweetheart suits you."

"Whatever you say, Lee." She halts her steps, leaning forward to grab a red cup and a bottle of vodka. "I guess it's self-service, so." She pours herself a drink.

"Heeseung! Why were you being like that?! Like you've been possessed!" Sunghoon's frantic voice approaches from behind. "Hwang Stella, who the fuck invited you? I know I didn't."

I watch as Stella pauses from drinking before she slowly turns around to meet him. She doesn't appear affected by his glare, simply staring at him blankly. "Park, what a dry party you have here. I expected more."

If looks could kill, Stella would be perished into ashes. Sunghoon scoffs in annoyance. "Or maybe you haven't been to a party as lit as mine. Face it, Hwang. You're simply boring and plain."

"Sunghoon." I can't help but reprove him.

Sunghoon's eyes dart between us, noticing how close we're standing next to each other. "Since when did you two become all friendly?"

"He's my friend now." Stella states curtly, but Sunghoon narrows his eyes at her statement.

"That's right." I voice out, drawing Sunghoon's attention. "Let this go, Hoon. It's a party, and she's your guest."

Sunghoon opens his mouth, probably about to make a retort, but is cut off by Sunoo's voice. "There you guys are. Some of them are already on the second floor. The game is starting soon."

"Oh? Hey, Stella." Ni-Ki greets her, standing alongside Sunoo and Jungwon. Meanwhile, my sister is nowhere to be found. Probably munching off the brownies, as usual.

"Hey, Riki." Stella gives him a small smile, though I notice she seems to avoid Sunoo and Jungwon's gazes. Huh, I wonder how she knew Riki. At this point, I shouldn't be surprised that she may know the other guys.

"Stella, you should join. It'll be interesting." Sunoo invites her, but I notice mischievousness glimmers in his fox-like eye. He must be up to something.

Sunghoon's loud groan catches us off-guard. "If all of you want to be friendly with Hwang here, feel free to do so, but please, not to the extent where the activity involves her!"

"Enough whining, you drama queen." Ni-Ki slings his arm around Sunghoon, pulling him away towards the stairs. Sunoo follows after them, but Jungwon steals a quick glance at Stella and me, an unidentifiable emotion glinting in his eyes before he follows the guys as well.

"You don't have to participate if you don't want to." I tell her assuringly.

However, determination shines in her eyes. "It's okay. If Sunghoon thinks that I'm boring, I'll just have to prove him wrong."

PREV CHAP | NEXT CHAP

[archer-kacey]

Something I noticed is a lot of people who hated BATIM love BATDR and a lot of people fond of BATIM dislike BATDR. To me, this seems like a mechanics vs story issue. The actual game mechanics and aesthetic of BATDR disguise the lackluster characters and plot holes. However, BATIM still suffers those same issues.

This is a vague question, but what are your thoughts on BATIM vs BATDR story wise? Is either of them truly better? Or are they just flawed in different ways?

Sorry, this is long, but so are BATIM and BATDR :')

I think you hit the nail on the head in the sense that yes- BATDR has better gameplay and mechanics than BATIM, but BATIM by far has a much more compelling story that was able to capture and keep attention over the course of five chapter releases. And yes, BATIM is not without its flaws, for example it's mainly a walking simulator in terms of actual gameplay- the only thing saving it being the unique ability to suck the player in through the rich, stylistic environments.

In terms of story, here's my take for both of them-

BATIM is more solid overall, there are more connected plot points and there's a thread there to be followed from start to finish. It does suffer from some WTF plothole moments, the biggest one being Alice's 180 degree turn with suddenly using Boris as a killing machine rather than...what I can only assume was a plan to use his ink/body as some kind of reparative agent for the hole in her face (like thicc ink premium idk), or...some kind of spell...? It's honestly not very clear HOW she was going to use him, but bottom line she decided to entirely change her plan off-screen, which could have been remedied with something like a cutscene's worth of explanation, and more of a buildup to Brute Boris. The "reveal" in the haunted house didn't hold that much weight (at least to me,) just because we didn't even get a cookie crumb of a hint that Alice was going to mutilate him and use him as a drone instead of just axe him.

There are other nonsense details like Allison's ominous "I'm no Angel" line, which didn't make sense when Tom was the one to want to leave Henry. It was never explained WHY the Ink Demon walks around with a limp when he can shapeshift into a bigger and faster Beast version of himself (and apparently he was ALSO the hand in the ink river??? I guess???) And can we talk about how the cult Joey started was just never brought up again? Wally talks about how workers were encouraged (or mandated, idk) to put offerings in the break room to "appease the gods." What gods? Was Joey worshiping Bendy like a god? NONE OF THIS IS EXPLAINED EVER and honestly I think Micheal D. and Meatstick just Forgot that Joey was a cult leader in favor of Sammy's cult storyline.

But despite all of the plot holes, we still get a tale of a deteriorating studio, humans being used as literal skeletons for lifelike versions of cartoon characters, themes of life, death, cults, art, and more. Honestly, going deep into the plot of Bendy would take its own post to really do it justice.

I guess the main plot is this: Ex-co-founder of Joey Drew Studios, Henry, is trying to get the fuck home to his wife, learning along the way that through the power of a mysterious ink machine, his ex-business partner decided to coerce and persuade people to Literally Die so he could have the necessary materials to create living versions of his cartoons, thus making "his" characters (and more importantly, Bendy,) a reality. Once Henry does escape, he learns that Joey has sent him through this same hell before, still filled with hatred and spite, just in time for Joey to assumedly "reset" him and send him on a different version of the same journey, as we can guess from the storyboards on display in Joey's apartment. THAT on its own is an intriguing and layered tale, and that's not even including the other details, voices, and faces we run into in BATIM, AND the new info we learn in BATDR.

Now, BATDR...is something I've come to view as a mixed bag.

Story-wise, it weirdly wants to have its cake and eat it to. Henry's story is elaborated on, and part of Audrey's origins are also brought to light. This is helpful information concerning the plot of BATIM...but then we get assblasted with a ton of new characters and lore for a completely new Cycle under the reign of a completely new Random Old Man. I know he's Nathan's son, and he was mentioned in both Illusion and Fade to Black...but those were de-canonized, so it almost doesn't help context-wise...???? So...????

In a lot of ways, BATDR almost acts like it wants to be an AU branching from BATIM rather than a direct sequel, which it was marketed/confirmed as.

I think my biggest problem with BATDR is that some of the main characters are bafflingly like. Mishandled.

I'm gonna have the mildest take on earth and say I didn't like the new Ink Demon. Old design was better and more uncanny by far, the new design looks like Generic Satan or something straight out of Baldur's Gate. He was given a deep, guttural growling voice because....tumblr sexyman I guess. Even if they needed him to talk, it could've been something more breathy and raspy, true to the heavy breathing of the original Ink Demon. Also, his alternate form was made very childlike, and I'm just weirded out by the fact that you have this oddly "sexified" version of the Ink Demon on the flipside of Bendy the Child. I don't think any ill intent was meant by this, but it's more confusing than anything thematically. I'm also not sure why Bendy's abuse was brought up and then never touched on....? Like wasn't this guy locked up and called a monster his whole life? Are we going to...say something especially considering the moral of this story......?

Memory Joey is completely fine, but I just can't shake the feeling that the narrative is trying to paint IRL Joey as "UWU fixed now" when that's not the case. The most sympathy I can extend to IRL Joey is that he was a gay man who desired to have a family at a time when that was not only frowned upon but dangerous, not just socially speaking but in terms of his physical safety. But beyond that, this was a dude who locked people in a building to keep them working, coerced and possibly forced the deaths of many people to get what he wanted (the ink machine was a scientific advancement that could've had AMAZING implications for society but he Did Not Give a Shit about that), and was abusive towards Henry. If we trust the Bendy books, he also gaslit and killed his teenage staff. This motherfucker isn't a patron saint of anything, and even if Memory Joey can learn from IRL Joey's mistakes, IRL Joey was still a shitbag who just happened to raise a daughter.

Which leads me to Audrey. Some of Audrey's tale is explained- she was raised by Joey, forgot Joey was her father, and came to work at Archgate as an animator. Got to know Wilson, who works as a janitor at Archgate, and then he drags her into ink hell because....idk, she's his version of "A Perfect Boris" I guess. Fair enough. However, it's NEVER EXPLAINED how Audrey doesn't remember her father, or WHERE she went to live after his passing, or WHO she lived with. Remember, Joey was as old as a cave painting, so he clearly passed when she was very young. While you could argue she doesn't remember his name because she was little, SURELY she remembers his face or voice, or the fact that she HAD A FATHER??? Like, was there some huge trauma there? (Other than the fact that Joey was her dad?) It makes little sense to me that she would forget so easily. If I had to make a guess (and granted I'm no Mark Twain), I'd wager that Allison probably found Joey dead. Remember that Nathan hadn't talked to Joey in years, and Allison was the one who went out of her way in the first place to visit. At this point, Allison's gonna find a little girl running around by herself, and assumedly her and Thomas would've taken her in. If that's not the case, someone else found Joey dead, at which point Audrey would've possibly lived with Nathan and Tessa, considering how much Nathan cared about Joey. Either party has ties to Archgate. But all of that is just speculation, not confirmed, and even if any of that were true, Audrey makes no mention of it. And I'm sorry, Audrey's backstory makes me want to cry, because it's just NOT THERE and she has the personality of a depressed bucket.

Alice was alright...but she was kind of stupid? Which is like....the antithesis of everything cool about her? Instead of using traps and luring the main character from a distance, she knocks out Audrey (via unspecified drink), plays Diet Jigsaw with Audrey, and then gets pushed off a balcony. She was also a lot more...idk, suave and sultry in speech mannerisms in BATDR, which isn't bad, but her unhinged and clever nature seemed a bit watered down.

I don't really have notes on the rest of the main cast. Sammy was brought back to die immediately, which honestly was fine considering his death track record. We get some mentions of BATIM characters. Wilson and Betty were fine, and even some of the lore explaining how the timelines work made sense.

HOWEVER,

I've already said it a hundred times, but the old cast was shoved to the side for a bunch of new characters we had no time to connect with. A new butcher gang member was added when we still have Miss Twisted as a potential female-role filler (keep in mind the Projectionist is based on Camera Man and Brute Boris was based on The Brute.) The whole "Amok" thing was a REALLY roundabout way to get the Lost Ones to stop attacking Audrey.

Wilson's motivations are mostly consistent and I'd argue somewhat compelling, but I don't understand why he didn't do more to protect Audrey if he was going to need her for the endgame for Shipahoy Dudley? Like what's all this about letting her run around and get killed? Was he just aware that she'd revive?

The main message of BATDR was fine, but it didn't work super well for Audrey's character. She'd already forgotten Joey was her father, and was living in blissful ignorance of that fact until Memory Joey decided to infodump on her right away. Sure, the "just because you were born of darkness doesn't mean you have to be darkness" thing applies to her AFTER she learns Joey was her father, but...Audrey was never threatening to Become Evil, so it almost didn't need to be said and was kind of a flat message...? I would argue Memory Joey would benefit more from that message- as he's a literal copy of a Very Bad Dude. My guy was projecting this whole time.

I do think BATDR was worse story-wise, but I'm not going to sit here and pretend it didn't have certain disadvantages from the start. The Kindlybeast debacle happened, BADTR was trying to continue a story from an existing property, and there was a severe lack of Adrienne Kress. Okay, maybe the last one was a bit much, but still. That doesn't mean I hate BATDR overall, I can appreciate a lot of things about it, but strictly in the story department, it needs soooooo much work and makes me want to jump off a Minecraft cliff.

[blub-blub-bish]

Zombie Kenny, but every time he dies, he comes back and slowly becoming a zombie again

A very much self indulgent, Kenny centered, zombie au idea. Aka, a long ass idea that over uses the word “which “ and “HOWEVER “

Long ass idea below cut vvv

Basically, Kenny, who can’t stay dead, got bit in the zombie apocalypse. the first time he got bit, he became a normal zombie, like usual. After around a week, he lost consciousness and ended up in the afterlife.in hell he watched his body, still roaming around on earth, and thought “ oh, this must be it. I’m dead. For good.” Not really sure if he should feel sad or happy, but he’s dead for good. Right?

WRONG.

When his body, that for some reason decompose faster than others, decomposed enough and dies, he came back a normal human. HOWEVER, his body is slowly decomposing again, which has pros and cons.

The pros:

•He’s practically immune, considering he’s like…partially a zombie already

•The zombies think he’s one of them, so now, He can walk through a zombie horde or just wander around without getting chased and shit.

•He doesn’t need much sleep. He only needed around 2 hours of sleep to last 2 days, making him a great night guard.

•Cthulhu took pity on him and decided he would respawn around his allies every time he dies.

•He’s very light, people could pick him up like those school skeleton models and just carry him around.

The cons:

•His body is literally deteriorating, which hurts like a bitch. He feels constantly like he’s slowly dying (which he is)

•Because his body deteriorates over time, at some point, his body is wayyy too weak to function. So he had to either, kill himself, or wait until the virus kill him. Which can take months.

•He usually already have to kill himself every 2 weeks. If he does it over 2 weeks, he would literally lose control over his own body.

•When he lost control over his body (over 2 weeks), he is still conscious. But like watching a movie, he can’t do anything. Just watch. That’s why when he starts to feel like he’s loosing control over his own body, he kills himself.

•After finding allies, he would ask someone he trusted to make sure to kill him if he went over the 2 weeks mark. His allies usually remind him when this happens.

•After a week , he can’t cook for others. 1, because his tongue is usually dead, so he doesn’t taste shit, and 2, because his skin starts to peel, which might fell into the food. Which sucks because my headcanon is that his love language is cooking for others.

•Speaking of food, my guy could only eats meat and chocolate.

• If he doesn’t eat for over a day, he would literally go crazy and bite any meat (human, animal, don’t matter) which would turn the thing that he bites into zombies.(if he doesn’t eat the whole thing)

• The meat and muscles in his body rots, so he smells like shit all the time :v. Mf have to practically bathe in perfume so he doesn’t smell like a corpse.

———-

Why does his body still deteriorates you may ask?

Because Im the writer and I say so./j

The somewhat more logical explanation of that is because he was still conscious for a while after he got bit, aka his body is still somewhat alive. If only the zombies ate him, he would have been able to comeback normal. But they didn’t. So now he had to live with his curse. Womp womp

“Oh, but his curse make people forget he died.” Yes. People still forget that he died. HOWEVER, they still remember that he got bit. They still remember him saying he can’t permanently die and genuinely believe him when he started to look like an actual zombie. Like, his skin starts peeling, his meat and muscles starts rotting (which he usually rips out with a knife bc it smells like shit. Ripping it out also slowed the deterioration process), and bone LITERALLY showing on his arms and legs, yet he still have control over his body.

When he kill himself, he usually comes back after 2-3 days, but if the virus kills him, aka the virus taking over, giving him around 3 very, VERY, painful months, he would come back around a month or 2 . Basically recovering mentally and physically in the afterlife.

Basically, his life sucked for the rest of his existence. Even satan and Damian took pity on him, but they can’t really do anything considering his curse is in Cthulhu’s hands.

[cursedvibes]

Hi, I want to ask about your thoughts on the Death Paintings. Did you ever wonder what kind of results that Kenjaku was aiming for by combining humans and cursed spirits? Why did Choso and his brothers failed to meet their expectations? Why did Kenjaku have such high hopes for Yuuji? I would love to know what methodology that Kenjaku used to conduct their experiments but I don't think Gege would ever elaborate on it

I wondered a whole lot about the Death Painting experiment, especially because much of the details are still unknown to us. We do know why Kenjaku did it though and what they were aiming for. Kenjaku's whole goal is the "optimization of cursed energy" or more broadly to advance humanity to another stage, to create something that hasn't been there before and that could exceed their own imagination and expectations. They explained it to Choso in ch 202.

While Kenjaku's focus was always on humanity, they did consider cursed spirits as an option to advance cursed energy. With the advancement of cursed spirits, sorcerers could improve as well, since the two are in close symbiosis with each other and one getting stronger could encourage the other to evolve as well or die trying. That's why they did the Death Painting experiment. Thanks to the mother they had the unique opportunity to combine cursed spirits with humans to see what that would amount to. Their hopes were that something completely new would come forth and essentially combine and improve the best qualities of humans and cursed spirits.

That didn't happen however, the Death Paintings are still very close to what we already know about humans and cursed spirits, becoming more curse-like the further the experiment went on. They didn't really bring anything new to the table. Choso could be classified a Grade 1 Blood Manipulation sorcerer, but besides his toxic blood he isn't really that different from anything else we've seen before. Same for the others presumably except that they come closer to your average curse. It's what Kenjaku always says: they are too ordinary.

My biggest question with this experiment is always why Kenjaku let it go on for this long, when by the time Kechizu came around, it was already clear that what they had intended to achieve was obviously not working. Only explanation I can think of is symbolism. The Death Paintings reference the nine stages of decay, similar to how each fetus comes closer to being a curse. The nine stages of decay are seen as a source of enlightenment by contemplating the fragility of human life, mortality and the fleetingness of beauty. Maybe, by re-enacting their own nine stages of decay, Kenjaku sought to understand both humans and curses better; see how close human flesh could become to the body of a curse or witness the deterioration of humanity. Kenjaku was presumably the one to give them these names, so there must have been intention behind it. Would be a lot easier to judge if we knew literally anything about the younger Death Paintings. Hopefully, we will find out a little more about at least their physical constitutions when Yuuji's new powers get explained.

Speaking of Yuuji, he isn't a Death Painting, he's something completely different and I think Kenjaku's intentions for creating him are only in a broad sense similar to their reasoning for creating the Death Paintings, i.e. advance humanity and cursed energy. First of all, while the intention behind the creation of the Death Paintings was the advancement of curses, Yuuji's entire being is about humanity. Kenjaku has a clear disdain for curses, although it's unclear if they always had it or if the Death Painting experiment soured them on them (personally, I think it's a mix of both). Yuuji seems to be more like a sponge or a venus flytrap. He has the ability to absorb cursed objects and use their cursed energy and potentially even cursed techniques or other bodily abnormalities to his advantage. Essentially the opposite of what the vessel of a cursed object usually does. He shapes the cursed object to his body instead of the cursed object shaping his body to their will, like we see in any other reincarnated sorcerer including the Death Paintings. Eating Sukuna's finger presumably kickstarted this ability, but I think it's what Kenjaku always intended for Yuuji. He can use other people's cursed energy to his advantage and ideally improve it on the way.

His understanding of his soul also plays into it somehow, but we don't know specifics yet. It is interesting however, that Yuuji would essentially absorb the souls of the Death Paintings (according to the fanbook), meaning his own triumphs over theirs. In case of Sukuna this didn't happen because his soul is strong enough to resist that effect. He makes his own little domain in Yuuji's body, resisting being disintegrated, but also not able to escape or take control by his own will. He's hard to digest. All that probably also plays into why Yuuji is suddenly able to switch souls, although we don't know how. The fact that Kusakabe taught him and was better at that ability initially tells me, that it isn't his cursed technique or anything, just one way to apply his new consciousness of his soul combined with the other unique abilities of his body. Kusakabe's knowledge of the creation of cursed corpses likely helped here.

I've also seen theories that Yuuji is a cursed corpse and I don't think that's true. The way he interacts with the souls/cursed energy of the cursed objects he eats might be somewhat similar and could've helped him understand himself better, but I still think it works differently, since Yuuji has more power over them (even Sukuna) than Panda, Gorilla and the Sister between each other.

It's an interesting topic and it's very unfortunate that we will likely not get as many answers as I'd like. Probably only in regards to how it relates to Yuuji. So nothing about the details of the Death Painting experiment, especially not on the mother's side. I'm still looking forward to finding out how Kenjaku created Yuuji.

[pen-and-umbra]

Yo. First things first. Thanks a bunch for writing and sharing these cool insights, appreciate it very much! I got a question of sorts. One thing is really bothering me. Miniroth saw Lucrezia and most likely had a locket for years. Why doesn't adult Seph recognize that the woman inside JENOVA chamber does not resemble his mother's pic?

My pleasure 👋✨

As to your question, there could be an entirely prosaic explanation: he may have forgotten. A significant amount of time has passed since the Rhadore days, and the details could have faded from Sephiroth's memory, as even cherished recollections can become hazy over time. Alternatively, considering the extensive medical experimentation and the exposure to liquid preservatives and chemicals, it is reasonable to expect that the “mother's remains” would have undergone some deterioration, such as hair discoloration and other changes. Or perhaps he came to believe that the photograph Hojo provided was yet another fabrication. More importantly, Sephiroth at that point had pretty much lost his marbles, so losing grip on reality and delusional thinking should not come as a surprise. His state hardly suggested a clarity of mind.

Then there's a more unsettling perspective to consider: we truly don't know what Jenova's true form is.

You see, the Nibelheim flashback is shown through “Cloud's” eyes. Sephiroth mentions his mother's name to Cloud shortly before they enter the town, then again inside the reactor, and later during his deranged ramblings in the mansion. So from Cloud's perspective, what does he see? Something misshapen and monstrous in the pod (similar to the pod monstrosities in the antechamber), resembling a female figure with silvery hair, a straight nose, sharp features, and a strong resemblance to Sephiroth. This makes sense, as the concept of “mother” does imply a degree of familial resemblance, while a pod container suggests experimentation.

Professor Gast's description of Jenova in his notes as possessing “ethereal grace” and a smiling expression seems to clash with the disturbing, misshapen creature Cloud witnesses in the reactor. Given Gast's research on the Ancients, one would expect him to recognize that they shared normal human features, without the wings, bulbous appendages, and other abnormalities observed in the reactor. Gast's observations simply do not align with the creature's unsettling physiology.

However, if we consider the remake's portrayal of Jenova, it becomes plausible that the creature possesses the ability to induce powerful hallucinations or illusions, in addition to its shapeshifting powers. Perhaps Jenova's true nature is not one of physical transformation, but rather a form of glamour or mind manipulation, where it projects a false, deceptive image to those perceiving it. This could explain the discrepancy between Gast's description and Cloud's experience in the reactor, as Jenova may have the power to alter perceptions and appear differently to different observers.

Cloud heard Jenova was Sephiroth's mother, so he saw someone resembling Sephiroth. Gast wanted to find one of the wise elder race, so he saw a graceful Ancient.

Sephiroth wanted to find the mother whose photograph he once lost, so for all we know, Sephiroth could have been seeing Lucrecia’s likeness —we don't actually know what Sephiroth saw. As mentioned in the beginning, the Nibelheim mission is shown through “Cloud’s” POV. Furthermore, whatever the party sees in ShinRA HQ may be also based on Cloud’s account of the story.

In fact, we can't even be certain that the body inside the tube was Jenova because we don't know whether Jenova is a complex organism or a sentient virus that infects and mutates its host. The body inside the reactor could have been an infected human or a Cetra for all we know, while the true form of Jenova is invisible to the naked eye.

@pen-and-umbra

[viriborne]

Who wants to hear about my Beelzebub and Belphegor hyper/hypothyroidism hcsssss bc I’m crazy

Okay so for reference:

HYPERthroidism is when your thyroid produces too MANY hormones in your body to the point where you become hyperactive, have increased appetite, intense mood swings/irritability, and can cause you to be extremely underweight if you can’t keep up with your hormones.

HYPOthyroidism is the exact opposite where your thyroid produces too LITTLE hormones which makes you lethargic/tired all the time, depressed, have little appetite, feel abnormally cold, and can make you gain a lot of weight.

Now, pair this with the twins and you can easily see why this might be a viable explanation for their respective “sins.” And before someone tries to say that these tendencies were spawned by them falling from grace, it has been shown in later lessons that the twins had these issues even in the Celestial Realm as Belphie would sleep away his responsibilities in trees and Beel was still known for his voracious appetite.

Also, both disorders can cause muscle weakness a deterioration. Something that Belphegor is noted to have. Not to mention, Beel’s constant working out can both help him keep his muscle mass AND help him with his hyperactivity as well as explain why he never seems to gain weight despite eating literal tons of food.

[lemonduckisnowawake]

What if I theologized hanahaki? What then? Like if hanahaki was a symbol of unrequited love that desperately wants to be requited? Because God so loves us enough to want to be with us but also loves us enough to hold back lest His holiness turn us to ash because the flowers have become so embedded in us. So what if the flowers are a sign of our own rejection of God and the desperate craving we all have deep inside for Him...but also our way of melding with something that needs to go and thus being unable to be saved from it because we made it us in a sense? Like...

...

There’s a new wave of people who claim to be without the Flower Rot, also known as Hanahaki and Hua Bing.

These people claim that, without surgery, they have managed to completely remove the Rot. When asked what had caused this, one woman who wished to remain anonymous told the reporters, “It was…God, I guess. But He was also a man. He just…said that because the Rot’s too rooted in us, even if we wanted God we’d just burn with the flowers. But the only way’s to have His love take it away. So He said He’d take Rot and fade because He was a man, then come back because He’s God, and give us love to remove the Rot because He’s both.”

Her explanation aligns with similar ones from other witnesses with the Rot gone. They claim that the risk of fading with the removal of the flowers was taken by a man. But that His Godliness also signified that He could “grant His love” to permanently dispel the Rot.

As a refresher, it is quite unclear why the Rot suddenly began to manifest inside our lungs millennia ago. The most common legend is a tale of how humanity and God once lived in harmony in a garden. However, one day, man rejected God and told Him they could create a garden of their own. Though He offered a chance to repent from their rejection, having told them previously that such an endeavour would bring death upon them, they refused to acknowledge their wrong and were thus severed from His power and acceptance.

The proud declaration of humanity was not a nonsense claim, as they indeed found they could produce beautiful plant life for a garden.

However, that came with the cost of death, for these flowers grew inside them and were expelled through bloody coughs and sneezes.

Such is the duality of this universal Rot—a sign of divine rejection, some say, or a sign of our own ability to create beauty made more glorious through our own sacrifice, as others say. Of course, there are others who say this Rot is more complicated than simply a sign of our glory or a rejection from the divine, but those claims as much less popular.

In recent times, science has discovered that this Rot is simply a natural and inborn function of our body. “In fact, it’s inaccurate to call such a natural part of human experience a rot,” Doctor Kinuyo Yahagi of Hanahaki Research Association said, showing a bloodied purple iris of hers. “Yes, it is unpleasant but it is a fact of life, just like death and hunger and blood.” She then gave an animated explanation how there was a particular genetic wiring within our lungs linked to the brain’s rejection and affection chemicals. If the two are stirred in such a way, a pathway is made from the brain to the lungs triggering the genetic code and causing flowers to bloom.

“It can be removed by surgery,” a surgeon from the local medical center said. “However, studies have shown it is risky as it can affect your ability to love and process rejection, so it’s up to the patient to take the risk or not.”

Activists have cried that a difficulty in loving is not a sign of deteriorating humanity, and that those who choose the surgery are still acceptable.

“Hanahaki or not, we all still die, right?” a video of one academic debate records a professor speaking to one of the new Rot-less people.

The Rot-less person—a professor as well—nods thoughtfully. “Yes, but now, my death becomes a death without the disease signalling our separation from the divine, which is no true death at all.”

The ethics of removing the Flower Rot surgically still are debated, though much support for it has arisen in the past few decades. Research into these new rot-less people has also steadily increased, all done with the utmost legal and ethical restrictions to the volunteer’s rights.

“Hopefully, we’ll get to the bottom of this and find a better way to remove the disease,” Dr. Yahagi’s co-worker who wished to remain anonymous said. “Natural or not, it is still unpleasant. Why continue with something that is now proven to not be inevitable?”

[cienie-isengardu]

I find it hilarious the Grandmaster probably banging Sektor's head on the wall about how loyalty is important and how Lin Kuei principals are absolute since he was baby and he didn't see Sektor might develop a tinge of independence to realize he didn't have to be told what to do once he's in a superior body. I feel like Sektor was kind of just waiting for a chance to seize power from his father and the Cyber Initiative gave him an opening and I feel his programming somewhat deteriorating was actually just Sektor's personality resurfacing above protocol and seeing that his father was no longer necessary.

I feel Sektor was honestly probably waiting for his father to die in the back of his mind prior(maybe he thought the guy would just die of old age or something) but when the Cyber Initiative was in motion and he got converted, this thought came back and eventually it just kind of weakened the loyalty protocols to where Sektor's desire to rule overrode his father's authority and he didn't feel like waiting for him to expire on his own.

The major reason why I have so hard time buying the whole human Sektor's desire to replace his father from MK9’s BIO is that the story mode, alongside other sources, doesn’t give me anything suggesting he was that ambitious or cunning to begin with and even less to think he was the designated heir. Quite the opposite, from the all named Lin Kuei characters from the same game, he is the most obedient one, the most willing to put Grandmaster’s wish over his own well-being and (at least visually wise) easily dominated by the presence of his fellow clan members. When Bi-Han is shown with Cyrax and Sektor, he takes the central place within their little group. When he is out of the picture, Cyrax openly questions Grandmaster’s vision of cyber Lin Kuei while Sektor is on the defensive, as he has no real argument to add to the discussion and Cyrax clearly doesn’t treat him as his superior, especially when Sektor confronted him about not killing Johnny Cage. 

It may be just me, but the human Sektor lacks the initiative that is characteristic for his cyber version. Similarly, for a supposed heir he feels so… subdued and withdrawn, not to mention his father sent him on a very dangerous mission in which the chance of dying was very high. Sub-Zero’s BIO from Deadly Alliance summed Kuai Liang’s choice to aid Raiden in his quest against new threat as “It was highly unusual for the Grand Master to embark on such a dangerous mission” and I think it wouldn’t be too far-stretched to assume Lin Kuei had a similar approach to the Grandmaster’s designed heir.

Sektor is a grown up man in MK9, if he was meant to replace his father at some point, I imagine he would be trained from birth for this duty. However, all the BIO says is that he had no choice about being Lin Kuei, but there is no information he was designed to be next Grandmaster. For all we know, the Grandmaster could have more children than Sektor and even if the man was considered as a potential candidate, sending him to the Mortal Kombat Tournament seems like too much risk - if he died, literal decades of proper education for the leadership would be wasted, wouldn’t it? 

My point is, I don’t think Sektor was seen by his father as the future leader of Lin Kuei - or anything more than an useful pawn, so I can understand that Grandmaster has never considered him a threat nor questioned his loyalty. Especially after automation, as C.I. Project was supposed to perfect the human warriors, not grand them better understanding of trauma and abuse they endured for Lin Kuei's benefit.

Frankly, maybe the fact that his son was so obedient and lacked initiative was the reason why he allowed Sektor to volunteer for C.I. Project - additional sources like Mortal Kombat Legends: Battle of the Realms adds a lot to that feeling of my, as Grandmaster’s explanation - complaint - about human weakness seemed to be solely directed at Sektor, the only cyborg fully presented during the speech: “The mortal body is fragile, weak. So, we enhanced them.”

Maybe you are right and Sektor waited for a chance to seize control and C.I. Project provided it - and the BIO indeed tells the truth that his “ultimate goal is to supplant his father as Grand Master of the Lin Kuei”. However I personally think it was not human Sektor’s desire for power nor personal ambitions that corrupted his programming, as he has never been shown trying to enlist Bi-Han or Cyrax for his planned coup. I think the problem lies in the fact that Grandmaster removed the “flaw” that kept Sektor in check, be it out of love or fear of his father. And once the flaw was subdued, Cyber Sektor could clearly see for the first time that his father is the danger he needed to remove to ensure his own safety, but also Cyber Lin Kuei’s independence. Because this is what you get when you remove humanity from a ruthless killer - no loyalty, no mercy. 

And yes, indeed, there is something hilariously ironic about Grandmaster's blindness to the danger of the C.I. Project and perfecting his own son that already dedicated all his life to him and the clan.

[moss-bride]

You make me want to believe in love. Chapter 12

Cautiously Anguish spends a few seconds each day with her drinking tea.

She glumly sits. Unwilling to admit being grateful for the attempt to aid her deteriorating mental health. She grasps on to this one kindness and tries to make the most of her lot.

They don't talk much. But when they do it always ends as a debate of wits stared by a passing line that the other won't let go, a chess game that he always throws aside when she gains the upper hand, a sore loser.

In the gap of moments in leisure, she makes her way to the rug with half a pint of Horchata to enjoy as she tumbles into the room.

The bear is eager to talk to her and once the door closes he begins.

“White veins. White palace.” That's what the Gilead repeated to her. He won't answer how or why and the retractive no answer is obviously a form of trying to trick her. It drives up her suspicion of a trap yet can't let the possibility go.

She doesn't see the dribble of spit at the corner of his mouth as he says these words . He hides it the best he can so that the only thing she notices when gazing at his six eyes is the dumb stare of an imploring animal.

He cranes his head up, the movement seemingly costing him an enormous amount of strength. “Hop in my mouth. I can save you.”

What kind of idiot would I be if I fell for that? What kind of fool would I be to pass it up? Up is down and the belly of the beast can take me home with its Alice in wonderland logic.

Her back beads with sweat and Gilead conjoles what littles sanity she has left. “Jump in. Climb in. A bite won't harm. You can't save those poor sods, stop thinking yourself a hero and flee ”. Escape at the tip of her fingers she just needs to reach her hand to grasp it.

She should take her chances with the cabinet. The scientific method from middle school is always left of her scholarly graces.

It's tempting her with the possibility. “I won't unless you can give me an explanation! Is that so much to ask for! For someone in this stupid fucking town to answer me?!”

“What good would an answer be? Something's have none. I cannot explain as you can't explain why you exist.”

Excuses. That is what everyone is full of. She should slam her head into a wall until it makes sense, it certainly has more guarantee then considering a magical alien bear’s mouth is a portal to earth.

“I can stretch my mouth wider. I can fit stars and their circling moons .”

She's unmoved by his feats. Impatiently tapping her foot. “Let me see. You can't just say you can and then not do anything to prove it “

The bear grumbles.

She put her hands between his open jaws and pried. Expecting resistance but his muscles stretch. Just enough to crouch into his empty body

Back on earth an animal pelt is cut in a way that leaves swaths of skin missing , to make it an aesthetically pleasing symmetrical size. The stomach and neck strips need to go. A byproduct that is also commonly sold.

Under his head and top half is more fur. There are no puncture marks or knife cuts. His body is sound and the only possible way that he is this way is that Gilead’s organs and bones were sucked out through his mouth or another orifice. Removed without the touch of a blade

She peers inside seeing nothing except empty blackness . A flash light would have been handy to look inside Gilead's mouth.

Releasing a struggling breath she reaches in. Wrist then elbow deep, feels empty space.

No, her hand hit something, she rubs at it to figure out the texture and concludes that it is rock.

Brick Wall pattern. No other notes or furniture. However there is something that convinces her. On her upturned palm a soft breeze brushes. Cool air.

She grabs a loose rock and retracts her hand.

Gray little pebble,Turning it in her hand there is nothing remarkable about the stone, it is an ordinary rock.

She closes her eyes and breathes. When she opens them her decision is made.“Okay. I'm trusting you.”

“You will not regret it. The stasis is controlled by the hanged king. The magic that bore him away from mortality now imprisons them all. The ambassador , I have heard, gloats about this deal to any other entities that would listen. The sheer power they hold. Best do it soon. “You've seen it! Here they ruin each other for amusement, growing sicker and sicker . Stuck in a decaying picture frame. Sooner this will happen to you.”

The strange energy that courses through the upside down stairs and topsy-turvy buildings has a name, neither she nor the bear know.

When you cut your hand it heals without a scar . A fever can turn your brain to liquid and this place will fight to keep your body as a puppet. This place keeps you frozen.

Aether as a replacement for gravity pulls together cobblestone and marble.

This queer essence cannot be described by words. One can only feel it's stagnation.

Churning time and space to a dull stop.

“I can't right now though. I have to get the others.” she gets off her knees

“….. alright.”

Gilead the great bear rug. Gilead who doesn't leave room for doubt. He circles her mind after she leaves.

Left to lay in bed as her maid dims the candles one by one until her night stand is left. She still clutches the rock in her hand. Head resting against her pillows and tucked in, she stares at the closed hand that holds it.

She nuzzles her mask into the pillow. “Are there any occupants of the palace other than you, me and the lord? Ones that can think and feel.”

The maid tilts her head in question. “Yes. All have their own circles, the staff have duties to uphold to run the palace, some aren't ever to leave, as part of this castle as the walls.”

“Anyone else?” she clears her throat and nonchalantly asks.

“Why do you ask?” her mask lightens in recognition and the corner of her eye holes narrow. “They'd sooner make a slave out of you then help.” She's startled at the mention of slavery. An ugly reality of this world.

‘I found an alien bear that is being kept prisoner the same as me and he wants to help me escape by climbing into his mouth’ she keeps the words in her throat and off her mind to avoid further inquiry.

“No reason, I just see recurring figures in the halls.” it's a freak show, to be honest, some of them slither pass and she stupidly gawks after them.

“What about the stuff that was gifted to him?”

“He keeps all his memorabilia here. The battles both won and lost along with ledgers of debts. Gifts. Our Lord is admired far and wide. His gifts litter the palace. Knowledge, slaves and war trophies. Some in the form of thinking organisms.”

Giorgia gives her a pointed look. “You'd be wise to not involve yourself with them.”

Too late. She has a plan. The aether that surrounds allagadda keeps its occupants drunk. And she is prepared to use that to its full advantage.

At the party that white is hosting everyone will be distracted and she'll descend to the depths of White's palace and search for the dungeons.

Find captive humans. Escape with them. Abandon the black lord to his schemes.

Giorgia isn't the most friendly figure but she would hate for something to happen to hurt her. Hopefully she won't be punished for her escape

The recent sympathy she felt for Anguish and his crew of misfits is irrelevant to the larger picture. Cara mia… . The words swirl in her ears . She's a bit dizzy at the recollection. Not a taunt or tease. An endearment that exists without reason. He tossed it into the air

The honest feel of her hand encased by someone else's.

The bear has been ready and begging her to use his favor already. (Starving)

Anguish interrupted her daily moping, snapping her finger tips until she groaned and stood up. He grabs her hand and announces in that theatrical way of his. “We are going dress shopping!”

[stick-to-script]

The Journal of Lost Thoughts - #1 Dolores

-Writings of a Dolores Hemmings found shortly before her disappearance circa 1950-

Has my life become so dull? I find myself staring into the ceiling, it’s blank canvas echoing how I feel inside. Empty. As I lay in bed, my body grows heavy, my eyes grow tired. Tears pricking my eyes in silent pain as my mind is the only thing keeping me awake. Has it become so restless that I can no longer get a bit of respite from life’s never-ending commute? It feels as if my mind spends so much time thinking about nothing. Has it deteriorated so much to the point where I don’t even remember what I enjoy anymore? I am tired, and yet when I close my eyes, my mind thinks of such awful thoughts to keep me awake to. Self loathing is now a pastime I find myself enjoying for the time being, at least it is the most consistent one. I think about how I should seek help, but I’m afraid of what that help might do to me. Am I addicted to feeling this horribly? Why can’t I change myself or feel better? Not even my dreams are safe, though the little sleep I do get it is plagued with dreams of gruesome things, I find myself being chased many times, who is chasing me? Why am I running? Why, why why? That word has become a staple in my vocabulary, perhaps I’m seeking an explanation from anyone to tell me what I fear to seek out myself. Or perhaps I am wanting to learn however unwilling to listen. My thoughts are becoming less coherent as I go on, I wonder when I will finally lose my mind and go insane? Perhaps. Maybe I should be hopeful of things to come although they seem bleak.

[skeletap]

Anon was rude I personally really liked that Hordak I love him fucked up <3 there was good attention to detail there and I could tell that you put thought into the design

Thank you! I want to... over explain the design points and how they link to Prima Materia...

I based him off of his classic toy, 200x, and original Horde Prime's designs (mr Horde Prime does not exist in Prima Materia though, well, there's a reason for that but, the universe is called Prime Materia for a reason, I... I can't spoil, let your mind wander until it's revealed).

I wanted to make his alien people, which i'm calling the Horokoth, a sort of green bio-luminescent sort of angler-fish/insect/hog appearance alien. The Horde is sort of like... a little light in the dark in the deep dark ocean of space, luring you in with pretty green lights.

The way Horokoth/Evil Horde armor works in Prima Materia is they are ambiguously organic. Their armor is seemingly connected to their bodies like exoskeletons (hence why the wounds on Hordak's face seem to continue to his collar). Kind of like a Cronenberg monster, artificial and organic (videodrome's gun-hand is a good example, cw for body horror if you google that). Horde-Tech also seems to grow and root itself into the ground it's built on.. as if powering itself by draining the energy of others... interesting.

Also, Hordak's wounds/being all messed up are a result of his final battle during the Second Great War. Grayskull slashes him with the Power Sword, and imprisons him in a pocket dimension where time physically does not move. 500 years, alone, no urge to eat or sleep and wounds do not heal and the pain is eternal. A place were you can walk in one direction for days and not move a single inch from where you were. By the time Prima Materia roles around, hell, even by the time Hordak finally claws a hole in his time-prison and makes his contract with Keldor from the beyond, his mental state is incredibly deteriorated and all he wants is to escape. I mean, he physically clawed through the barrier of his time-prison over the course of 500 years.

Finally, all of the Evil Horde has a green palette/motif because it's meant to symbolize them specifically. Having green in Eternia is a big no-no because it literally means "Evil Horde/Hordak".

That's basically my design explanations lol.

[dayzedandconphused]

daddy's little girl | self para

where: phoebe's flat when: friday 24th march description: phoebe's father calls to check on his only child

The last thing Phoebe needed was to be baby sat, but with her recent incarceration she knew there would be a certain amount of 'checking in' that would be done. Her lawyer, the police officer in charge of signing off on her community service, her father. No matter who it was, Phoebe was quick to reject anything and everything that looked like babying the blonde through the last few months.

That was, of course, aside from the leg up her father's connections (let alone his money) had given her when it came to a speedy and relatively stress-free release from serving her time. With the time, effort and coin invested in his child's freedom, the wealthy realestate mogul had taken to calling his daughter weekly to see how she was doing. With each call, Phoebe could feel her resolve deteriorating and it wouldn't be much longer until she told her father exactly what he could do with the fifteen minutes he seemingly 'found spare' for her every week. Even she was at school he had no time for her, so why now was he so interested in her life?

"A grandchild?!" Phoebe baulked down the phone, desperately looking around as if someone uninvited would be walking around her flat to overhear the two Robertsons talking, "What in the hell do you want a grandchild for?!" It wasn't often that Phoebe allowed her Scottish roots to be shown through her accent, but when speaking to her father it was hard for her to hide the twang from the north returning to her speech patterns.

"An heir," her father corrected, his tone as even as if he'd spoken to her of the weather outside his window, "I'm not getting any younger -- and who on earth am I meant to leave all of this to...?" Phoebe could practically hear the old man's hand waving flamboyantly around the den she assumed he was sitting in on the grounds of his favourite of the Robertson properties.

"I don't know Da," Phee hummed, clearly losing her patience, "Your actual child? Or have you decided to skip a generation?"

"You?" the old man practically hissed down the line.

It stung. Though the way he had so clearly decided to bypass her lineage in favour of a child she had no plans on having any time soon wasn't meant to make her feel good, was it?

"You cannot seriously thing the grounds can go to you," Christopher continued, his daughter tightening her jaw as she readied for his explanation, "A woman...? A woman who now has a criminal record because of how foolish she thought she could be with her body...?"

"Da, I told you--" Phoebe began, about to reiterate for the umpteenth time that she wasn't actually using her body in the way he seemed to think she was. She wasn't selling herself for money, she wasn't even promising herself as a prize to the man she had managed to extort money from. It had all been for the greater good of the Jabberwocks, though she wasn't about to spell that out for him.

"Looking like you did, you expect your mother and I to believe you?" Christopher spat down the line, "We saw the CCTV, you can't lie your way out of this. You're just lucky--"

Now, it was Phoebe's turn to interrupt her father, "I'm lucky what, Da?" she finally broke, "That a headline about your daughter being in trouble is a threat to you? I couldn't care less, but you? You're so desperate to make it seem like Ma and I are two beautiful trophies on your shelf you can't even fathom what you'd do if people found out I was arrested. You're the one paying to keep me away, aren't you? The flat, the line of credit... Hell, you're even the police officer who signs my forms. What's your other option? You cut me off and I have to come back up there - and God knows the trouble I'll cause."

Her father was silent.

"Tell Ma when you see her I'll be up to visit in the summer. When you're away to Spain."

[eliasocaya]

“Age slower with this method”

JOURNAL

I was doing my everyday routine in my room and an innocent look in the mirror got me thinking, “Have I always looked this old?” I almost got rid of my mirror due to being conscious about how I look. Still, I do know for a fact that there will be a certain point in my life when I am no longer able to move the way I used to a few years ago, stay up all night like I used to, and look like I used to, I am not just ready that it’s all coming into me fast, this realization had me deciding if I should continue the habits that lead to early aging despite of the dopamine hit they are providing, and after contemplating and a little bit of convincing, finally I decided that I will write an article about this issue, and how we can avoid it. The flow of this article will revolve around the scientific explanations of the “Why and How” topics about aging, I’m not an expert on this field, just a fellow wellness enthusiast sharing his experiences, beliefs, and methods on a particular issue; and if you’re someone like me who is conscious enough about his or looks, or what they are going to look like few years from now, better stick around to find out the secret on how you and I can slow down aging.

WHY DO WE AGE?

Aging is a complicated interaction of genetic, cellular, and environmental elements, the genetic program at the center of this intricacy raises the possibility that aging is a natural component of human biology. Cellular senescence or decline of the cells is a result of telomere shortening, which is the progressive loss of protective caps at the ends of chromosomes with each cell division. Cells have a limited capacity for replication, and the buildup of damage has an important function in the aging process at the cellular level. Attacks on cells come from a variety of causes, such as oxidative stress, pollutants in the environment, and normal metabolic wear and tear. As a result of this cellular wear and tear, a mitochondrial malfunction occurs, which reduces energy generation and impairs cellular function, aggravating the aging process further another aspect of aging is hormonal alterations, which bring about changes in sex and growth hormones and affect vital physiological functions including bone density and muscle maintenance. Dying cells, known for their metabolic activity and halted division, emerge as a double-edged sword that promotes both chronic inflammation and tissue healing, so as we age, inflammation, also known as “inflammageing,” becomes noticeable and disturbs the delicate balance of immunological responses. As a person ages, their ability to fold proteins correctly — a process necessary for proper cellular operation — may deteriorate, resulting in folding errors and clumping.

(So aging happens because of a mix of our genes, our cells, and the world around us, I want you to imagine our genes have this built-in program that kind of makes aging a natural part of being human and now, inside our cells, there’s this thing called cellular senescence — it’s like the cells slowing down or declining, and it happens because of these things called telomeres getting shorter every time our cells divide, but our cells can’t keep dividing forever, and the damage they get from stuff like pollution and just everyday wear and tear is part of what makes us age. It’s like a wear-and-tear tag-team and then there’s this powerhouse inside our cells called mitochondria that starts glitching, making less energy and messing up how our cells work, making aging even more of a thing, and the hormones, which are like the body’s messengers, go a bit haywire as we age. They mess with stuff like bone density and muscle upkeep. And get this, some cells stop dividing but stay active, creating a weird situation where they both cause inflammation and try to fix things, so, inflammation becomes a bit of a troublemaker as we age, disrupting our body’s normal responses)

HOW TO SLOW DOWN AGING?

“Fasting” a physiological state known as fasting is defined as an intentional, brief period of not eating. It goes beyond simply not consuming any calories; it involves an elaborate coordination of metabolic functions designed to preserve energy balance and adjust to nutrient shortage and the body uses stored glycogen, a type of glucose kept in the muscles and liver, as energy during the early phases of fasting. The body enters a state of ketosis when glycogen stores run low due to a change in metabolism, and during ketosis, the liver converts fatty acids into ketone which serves as the body’s main source of energy for various tissues, including the brain, at the same time, fasting triggers autophagy, a process of cellular recycling that removes damaged components and improves the health and resilience of cells. Fasting is also associated with hormonal changes, including a decrease in insulin and an increase in counter-regulatory hormones that encourage the body to break down fat reserves for energy whether practiced long-term or intermittently, fasting causes a variety of physiological reactions, such as altered gene expression, increased insulin sensitivity, and the activation of stress-resistance pathways. Although controlled fasting has its origins in our evolutionary past as a response to times of food scarcity, recent studies have shown that it may have positive effects on health that extend beyond longevity and decreased aging rate.

“Fasting” explained from a physiological perspective

Fasting slows down aging from a physiological perspective by causing a series of molecular and cellular reactions. One important mechanism is the induction of autophagy when the body is denied its main source of energy, such as when fasting, it stimulates cells to repair and recycle damaged parts in order to reduce the build-up of waste furthermore, insulin sensitivity is altered by fasting, which encourages metabolic flexibility as well as optimizes blood sugar levels. This change affects important aging pathways and lowers the risk of age-related illnesses like diabetes. Growth hormone and insulin-like growth factor-1 (IGF-1) are two examples of hormones that drop during fasting, telling cells to focus on repair and maintenance rather than growth, this recalibration is consistent with a process known as hormesis, in which mild stressors — such as fasting — cause adaptive reactions that build resilience, fasting promotes the expression of longevity-related genes, including sirtuins, which are associated with increased lifespan by modulating this method, fasting emerges not as a deprivation, but as a strategic intervention that engages the body’s innate mechanisms for repair and rejuvenation.

(It is this thing where you intentionally take a break from eating for a bit and it’s not just skipping meals, there’s an amazing activity happening inside our body. At first, it uses stored sugar (glycogen) for energy, and when that’s running low, it flips into this rad state called ketosis. Imagine your body breaking down fats into ketones, which become the VIP energy source, especially for the brain, but here’s one of those amazing things– fasting triggers autophagy and think of it as your body’s cleaning crew, tossing out the damaged stuff from cells, making them healthier and tougher now hormones get in on the party too, like insulin taking a chill pill and other hormones pushing your body to break down fat for energy, it’s like giving your body a power-up, your gene, your insulin, and your cells, becomes rejuvenated. So, yeah, fasting isn’t just a hunger strike; it’s a secret weapon against aging, making your body bounce back from regressions)

Sources:

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8492807/

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8932957/

https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/2018/09/06/fasting-may-more-important-than-what-youre-eating-study-suggests/1206269002/

https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/2018/09/06/fasting-may-more-important-than-what-youre-eating-study-suggests/1206269002/

https://blog.insidetracker.com/intermittent-fasting-impacts-longevity-summary-research

[thorntonkrell-blog-blog]

The longest journey is from life to death and then back to life again. Besides Jesus himself, only one person has made this pilgrimage.

Lazarus of Bethany.

Lazarus was known among his neighbors as a kind and gentle soul, always ready to lend a helping hand. Lazarus led a simple yet content life, cherishing the moments with his beloved sisters, Mary and Martha.

However, Lazarus had always possessed a deep yearning for spiritual enlightenment. He sought answers to profound questions that stirred within his soul, questioning the nature of life, death, and the afterlife. His quest for meaning often led him to engage in deep contemplation and seek solitude in the quiet corners of his village.

One fateful day, Lazarus fell gravely ill, and his condition deteriorated rapidly. His body weakened, and his spirit clung to the brink of the unknown. As the veil between life and death grew thin, Lazarus felt a sense of tranquility enveloping him, as if beckoning him towards a realm beyond mortal comprehension.

In the depths of his illness, Lazarus sensed a presence, a force guiding him through a realm of ethereal beauty and serenity. He felt a connection to something greater, an undeniable peace that surpassed anything he had ever experienced in the mortal realm. Lazarus had come to his true home.

But just as Lazarus began to surrender to this newfound realm of tranquility, a powerful force called him back. He awakened to find himself lying on his deathbed, surrounded by his tearful sisters and concerned friends. Their joyous cries of his revival echoed through the room, but deep within, Lazarus felt a profound sense of loss and sadness.

As Lazarus rose from his sickbed, he found himself caught between two worlds. He had tasted the sublime embrace of the afterlife, only to be abruptly torn away from its loving embrace. The mortal realm now appeared dim and colorless, a stark contrast to the vibrant tapestry of eternity he had glimpsed.

Lazarus struggled to adjust to this unexpected return to life. He yearned for the ethereal realm that had captivated his spirit, where he had felt at one with the universe. The sights and sounds of the village, once familiar and comforting, now felt like an impenetrable barrier separating him from true fulfillment.

Despite the joyous celebrations of his loved ones, Lazarus couldn't help but feel a deep sense of alienation. He longed to share his experience, to make others understand the profound beauty and peace he had encountered. But his attempts at articulating his journey fell on deaf ears, met with skepticism and disbelief.

As days turned into weeks and weeks into months, Lazarus grew increasingly withdrawn. His once radiant spirit became shrouded in a veil of melancholy. He struggled to find purpose and meaning in his revived existence, haunted by the loss of the ethereal paradise he had glimpsed.

Lazarus was filled with anger and resentment. He couldn't comprehend why Jesus had interfered with his peaceful existence, why he had been dragged back into the tumultuous world of the living against his will.

Lazarus confronted Jesus, his voice trembling with emotion. "Why did you bring me back? Why disrupt the tranquility I had found? I was at peace, and now I am forced to endure the hardships of mortal existence once more. I don't get it"

Jesus, understanding the depth of Lazarus' anguish, approached him with compassion. "Lazarus, my friend, I understand your pain and confusion. It was not an easy decision to bring you back. But I did so to show the power of faith and to remind humanity of the gift of life. Your resurrection is a testament to the miracle that awaits all who believe."

Lazarus, still consumed by anger, struggled to accept Jesus' explanation. "But why must I bear the burden of this miracle? Why must I navigate the complexities of life when I had found peace in death? Does this mean that everybody is gonna come back?"

Jesus placed a hand on Lazarus' shoulder, his eyes filled with empathy. "Life is a gift, my friend, even with its hardships and trials. You have been given a second chance, an opportunity to appreciate the fleeting nature of existence, to cherish every moment with renewed gratitude and purpose. Seek meaning in this life, for it is through your experiences that you can find solace and enlightenment."

Lazarus, though still harboring doubts, felt a glimmer of understanding. He realized that his anger stemmed from his longing for the peace he had found beyond the grave. But in the presence of Jesus' words, a seed of acceptance began to sprout within him.

Eventually, Lazarus embarked on a journey of self-discovery, seeking solace and understanding. He traveled far and wide, meeting wise sages and scholars, delving into ancient texts and philosophies. Along the way, he encountered others who had experienced the boundary between life and death, finding solace in their shared stories.

Through his journey, Lazarus discovered that his anger and bitterness were natural responses to the disruption of the natural order. He realized that his second chance at life was an opportunity to appreciate the fleeting nature of existence, to savor every moment with gratitude and awareness.

With newfound wisdom, Lazarus returned to Bethany, transformed by his experiences. He embraced his loved ones and shared his journey with them, teaching them the importance of cherishing each day, for life is a fragile and precious gift.

And so, Lazarus found peace within himself, no longer angered by his return to life. He became a source of inspiration and enlightenment for others, reminding them to embrace every moment and seek the beauty and meaning in their own lives.

As Lazarus ventured forth, sharing his profound experience with those who would listen, his words resonated deeply within the hearts of some, stirring a powerful sense of devotion and awe. News of his resurrection and the ethereal realm he had witnessed spread like wildfire, captivating the imaginations of many.

Among those captivated was a small group of individuals who saw Lazarus as more than a mere messenger. Their minds, clouded by desperation and longing for divine intervention, yearned for a tangible connection to the divine. In their fervor, they mistook Lazarus for a deity, believing he embodied the very essence of God Himself.

Word of this newfound cult, devoted to the worship of Lazarus, reached the far corners of the land. People from near and far flocked to witness his presence, seeking his blessings and guidance. They knelt before him, their eyes filled with reverence and hope, placing their faith in a mortal man who had brushed against the realms of eternity.

Lazarus, deeply aware of the misconceptions that had arisen, felt conflicted within his soul. On one hand, he empathized with the desperation and longing that led these individuals to revere him as divine. On the other hand, he knew the truth of his mortal nature and the limits of his own understanding.

With a heavy heart, Lazarus confronted his followers, urging them to look beyond his mortal existence and seek the divine within themselves. He implored them to recognize that his resurrection was not an affirmation of his own divinity but a testament to the greater power of love, faith, and the mysteries of existence.

Though Lazarus spoke with humility and sincerity, his followers clung tightly to their beliefs, unwilling to let go of the notion that their savior walked among them. They viewed his humility as a sign of his divine modesty, interpreting his every word and action as a message from God.

As the cult grew in numbers and influence, Lazarus found himself torn between the responsibility he felt toward his followers and the necessity of dispelling their misconceptions. He sought solace in prayer, pleading for guidance from the divine forces that had touched his life so intimately.

In a moment of profound clarity, Lazarus realized that he could no longer perpetuate the misunderstanding that had taken root. He gathered his followers and delivered a heartfelt sermon, revealing the truth of his mortal nature and urging them to look beyond him for spiritual connection and guidance.

Some of his devoted followers were heartbroken and felt betrayed, while others struggled to reconcile their beliefs with the truth that Lazarus presented. The cult gradually disbanded, leaving behind a community in search of a new spiritual path, one that would guide them on their own unique journeys.

In the aftermath, Lazarus retreated from the public eye, seeking solitude and introspection. He dedicated himself to a life of service, offering his wisdom and compassion to all who sought solace. He became a symbol of resilience, reminding others of the transformative power of faith and the importance of seeking truth within themselves.

As time passed and the fervor surrounding Lazarus subsided, a faction within his former cult began to question the authenticity of his divinity. Doubt crept into their hearts, fueled by the absence of Lazarus from the public eye and the growing skepticism of those outside the cult.

These disillusioned members, once fervent in their devotion, now felt a sense of betrayal and disillusionment. They started to view Lazarus as a mere mortal who had deceived them with tales of divine encounters. Rumors spread, tarnishing his once revered image and portraying him as a fraud.

Some individuals within the cult, who had once believed wholeheartedly in Lazarus' divinity, became vocal critics. They accused him of manipulating their faith for personal gain and questioned the authenticity of his resurrection. Their discontent grew, and a growing rift tore through the once-unified group.

Lazarus, unaware of the growing sentiment of disbelief and betrayal, continued his life of solitude and contemplation. He remained dedicated to his personal journey of seeking truth and sharing his wisdom, even as the perception of his followers shifted dramatically.

However, there were still those who steadfastly believed in Lazarus, despite the doubts that plagued others. They held onto the memory of the hope and inspiration he had instilled in them, refusing to be swayed by the accusations of fraudulence. These loyal followers continued to seek solace and guidance in Lazarus' teachings, seeing them as a source of personal growth and enlightenment.

Amidst the divided opinions within the cult, debates and conflicts arose, further splintering the community. Some members chose to distance themselves entirely, disillusioned and seeking new spiritual paths, while others clung to their faith in Lazarus, defending his honor against the accusations.

As the dust settled, the once-vibrant cult became a fragmented community, each member choosing their own path based on their individual beliefs and experiences. Lazarus, aware of the discord his presence had caused, found solace in the understanding that truth is subjective and that every individual must navigate their own spiritual journey.

Lazarus with the help of his sisters left the public life forever. Eventually he made the journey back where Jesus and the Father greeted him. Lazarus was truly home again. All the records of his life after his resurrection were stricken from the memory of the faithful.

The story of Lazarus, once overly celebrated for his resurrection, now carried a more nuanced narrative. It became a tale of the complexities of faith, human perception, and the inherent challenges of interpreting divine experiences. While some labeled him a fraud, others continued to find value in his teachings, choosing to focus on the transformative power of his message rather than the doubts surrounding his identity.

In the end, the legacy of Lazarus was not defined solely by the opinions of his followers or the accusations of fraudulence. It rested upon the individuals who had found solace and inspiration in his resurrection, as well as those who had grown skeptical and sought their own paths to spiritual truth. And in the ever-evolving tapestry of beliefs and interpretations, the true essence of Lazarus' earthly and heavenly experience continued to reverberate, challenging individuals to seek their own understanding of the divine.