#my idea of what's calm probably is skewed because of that; whats calm to me is combative to others

[ruthlesslistener]

Tbh you did redtag fans who headcanon Ghost as an adult to be "sus", till you explain that was not your intention. Then you started getting upset that others were upset with you over it, even though it really did sound you were doing that. I'm just going to point it out that you did come across as an asshole over that part till you clarified things. So basically, you do sometimes come off as a jerk even though you didn't intend it to be. And I understand where that last anon was coming from when they said "you hide behind" this event. Even I feel like you fight people over misunderstandings a lot.

Tone: calm

Yeah that was on me not having a proper understanding of the word 'sus' as its used in popular culture- I thought it just meant 'suspicious' as in 'people giving a side eye' thing rather than what it apparently means, which I think is 'suspect'. I think the reason that misunderstanding got even worse too is because I said it right before I went to bed and then didn't see the replies til I woke up in the morning, which let it simmer before I could nip it in the bud. Pretty unfortunate there.

I don't think I'm hiding behind this event though? It's the origin of all the arguments going on in my inbox currently, including this one right now, as that's where the main misunderstanding and clashes happened. It just makes logical sense to assume that its the culprit and to use that context to address it properly. Also, like I said, I genuinely don't try to 'fight' all misunderstandings, I think the problem is that me explaining myself comes off as combative because I don't use tone indicators (they confuse me too much to try), and also because I get extremely frustrated when people jump to bad conclusions without hearing me out. Like right now I'm not trying to fight, I'm trying to explain my pov. I'm also not quite sure how to NOT come off as combative other than adding tone tags tbh, and that's bothering me, because I really don't want to come off as a jerk or a bully

[imagoddamnonionmason]

Goose! Please tell me, is there a headcanon about Frank x Jodie's relationship that's been rotating in your mind but you haven't revealed yet?

Hi E!

YES! There is! I'll preface this with I'm pretty certain I've not mentioned it, but if I have, it will have been in passing; at least now I can go into a little more detail about it! I will also be adding a read more cause I think it's gonna get long-

One head canon I have for their relationship is how they ground each other in situations where their emotions either might be heightened or going through something mentally. For example, in some of my writings already, I've shown Jodie's moments of having little flashbacks, or reactions to certain stimuli that trigger a traumatic response due to her brainwashing (and general trauma). This is something that we could also attribute to Frank, too, given his long service in the military.

So, to get to the specifics, it's a small, subtle action. Simply, when either of them notices the other might need a little grounding, a reminder that they're not alone, or that they need to calm down, they will use their fingertips/knuckles of their fingers to either brush or tap lightly on the other person's hand/wrist.

The reason I've been thinking about it is because I knew that Jodie would be the kind of character that, when in turmoil, wouldn't want to be touched. If she's angry, upset, crying, she will not want to be touched (unless you asked and she invited it).

But I was also thinking that, especially given that Jodie has been brainwashed and Frank now has two people in his life that have gone through similar things, Frank would probably have a better idea of how to manage the moments where Jodie is 'not present'.

I've also seen it knocking around that Frank will also do something similar with Alex, those friendly pushes in cutscenes are a tactic Frank uses to make sure Alex is still grounded. Although I saw that after I'd already been thinking about this with Jodie and Frank, but it was nice to see that my understanding of Frank's character seemed to line up! Like, of course Frank would do something like that.

BUT Jodie does this for Frank, too.

I just thought having something so subtly intimate as a way for these two to interact in time of needing comfort (but maybe not wanting to be overwhelmed) is what will give me life right now.

BONUS: I had been speaking with @alypink regarding a face claim post I reblogged where Jodie's face claim, Kate Beckinsale, was wearing glasses. I do have a little headcanon that Jodie wears reading glasses to ensure she doesn't get eye strain.

POINT BEING, when they're in the workplace, maybe Jodie is reading some intel, combing through Birdseye view pictures of terrain - whatever it is. She's intently focused, enough that she wouldn't see Frank walking by. Just a little torment, maybe to break her attention for a split second (because this man knows Jodie will work herself into a hole and not take a break) he gently knocks the side of her glasses and sends them slightly skewed on the bridge of her nose.

Frank gives me an air of being able to be mischievously charming XD she'd look up at him, pouting with the glasses not corrected and he probably gets a little laugh out of it, whilst also achieving making sure that Jodie gets a small break (even if she doesn't realise that's his goal).

Sure he could straight up say, "take a break" but Jodie would also just be like "one more thing and then I will" but... respond that every damn time. Frank gets creative in making her break eye contact with the pages.

This headcanon is something a little softer, less serious, but thanks to Aly I couldn't stop thinking about that scene in my head.

[yotsubaclover]

explaining my blorbo associations pt2: jules who i do not draw often im so sorry u look like that babygirl

song: i actually... have never made a jules playlist LMAO my jules brainrot is so academic i could spit theories for him but not songs. so i had to dive into my spotify likes and find something. goldilocks spot is actually from a very old jolyne playlist i made but i think it also fits jules. to me it's a song about being painfully aware of how... average? not-outstanding? just there? you are and the angst that comes with it, the bitterness towards other people (in jules' case, for not seeing him as who he knows himself to be—a noble). but there's also a stubborness and pride that keeps you from fully confronting those feelings/that dilemma and finding peace within it, which is fitting for the persistent turbulence within jules... a lot of this is my (quite liberal?) interpretation tho so yeah

color & object: purple is the color of royalty and lavender is pretty and calming and healing. quite the nice set of descriptions for someone like jules :)

animal: i dont kin assign animals often so this was hard. but i chose raven as a parallel to doves... because jules' dove of happiness was/is rosemarine, and because jules is almost like rose's shadow in many ways... also ravens are kinda bad omens i feel like for all the gentleness jules shows he is also obviously capable and willing to do terrible things, he's selfish and prideful and even a little greedy... and lol i think the negativity also fits some of his self-image

drink: tea! of course! what else would i put

aesthetic: i think classic dark academia with all its elite-ness and occult-ness and general fucked up-ness would be a very average jules genre. smack him in a dark academia plot a la secret history and he's right at home lol. even his fallen noble status makes for an interesting pov in a dark academia story. the genre's potential for class analysis and commentary too is jules de ferrier

other: i think it was a fic which was about jules and perfume which made me think about this association... lavender was the scent too so that is another explanation to the above lol. as for the shadows again it's cos of his duo thing with rosemarine but also everything he does is kind of... in the shadows... he has engaged in shady shit (gang moment???) and is often lurking/observing situations (as the right hand man yk) and also just him looking out for the people he cares about even if in incredibly convoluted ways (see: rosemarine and jules' deal with the thugs who wanted to beat him up when they first arrived at lacombrade). he does the dirty work in the dark or smth like that. tbh there are a lot of oppositions with rosejules, the light/shadow thing is pretty on the nose i think but my favorite is probably the feminine/masculine. (disclaimer thisis an idea spitball Only so pls do not sue me for incorrect use of terminology; im sorry feminist theory i promise ill read more of you BUT a lot of the ideas kind of branch out of 2nd wave ideas/concepts i believe)

because publicly rose seems to take the patriarchal role as the superintendent (ie. being the disciplinarian, having power, being the symbol of the institution) while jules assumes a more matriarchal role as advisor, someone more approachable and "kinder" than the patriarch... then it all gets skewed because of auguste's presence, so they actually switch with rose being "feminized" and jules being "masculinized" but anyway LOL i have many thoughts on this specific kind of. feminist/queer inspired reading of rosejules

i hate his ass so much cos it's so fucking hard to break his character down in a comprehensible way. the thesis topic thing is only partly a joke. i genuinely think with the depths i am going to look at this i can find something in him or maybe im just delusional lmao i probably am

[hauntingcryptids]

You Don’t Mean It

Dhawan!Master x Reader

Summary - The Master is living on The Doctor’s TARDIS and grows close to the Reader, but he refuses to believe that you could possibly have feelings for him.

Based On This Request -

Warnings - Self-deprecating thoughts and self-esteem issues on The Master’s part. Me making up alien planets and creatures.

Word Count - 3270

A/n - Gender Neutral Reader. This is a bit of an AU where all of Whittaker!Doctor’s companions are travelling together. This was also a request from my old Tumblr, but I got another idea, so I decided to write it, too. I hope that you enjoy it.

------------------------------------------------------------

The Master thought that this was all a dream. He had been alone for so long. The only things in his life were pain, death, revenge, betrayal and loneliness. Now he had a group of people who didn’t hate him. ‘Friends’ was probably too strong of a word, he knew that, but at least he wasn’t alone anymore. 

The Master couldn’t help but spiral sometimes; thinking that all of this was a dream, and he would wake up alone again. Or, even worse, he was plotting a revenge plan on the planet Hypnos and a Ypnyotic Worm had burrowed into his brain and was now injecting him with its poisonous and hypnotic venom. So, all of this could be a fever dream. Even though he liked not being alone anymore, he could easily move on if he found out that the life he had been living with The Doctor and her little companions was all a dream. He would not be able to move on from you so easily, however. 

You were the opposite of him. When The Master still denied his feelings for you, he tried to compare you to The Doctor and any of her pets, past or present, but he was never able to make a successful comparison. You were uniquely yourself. You were bright and lively, even during your bad days, you always tried to make the best of any situation. But you weren't afraid to talk back and confront The Doctor, unlike a lot of her pets. The Master loved that about you. You wanted to see the Universe, but you weren’t desperate to have The Doctor love you. 

Along with your alluring personality, The Master had a soft spot for you. You were the first person to reach out to The Master once he joined The TARDIS crew, to try and extend the olive branch of peace to him. The Doctor didn’t even need to ask you to, like how she had to ask the rest of her companions to do so. You just wanted him to feel welcomed. You couldn’t imagine how difficult an adjustment this must have been for him and, considering the fact that everyone else aboard were distancing themselves from him, you didn’t want to add to the dogpile of negativity.

Now, the two of you were like two peas in a pod, doing almost everything together. You both even had a set routine. You would help him cook breakfast for the companions and The Doctor and then after all of you ate, you and The Master would go to the library. There you would either choose books for the other to read, pick a book and read together silently by the library fireplace, or read aloud to each other. Sometimes though, even though the two of you would choose books to read, you would not read them. Instead, you would continue the conversations you began while making breakfast until it was time for lunch. 

You were late today, however. The Doctor was off doing whatever, and her other companions were still asleep, so your routine wasn’t that horribly and inconveniently skewed, but The Master was worried. You were never late. You voiced to him, one morning, that you only kept the schedule for him because he was so particular, but you were still always on time. 

Just as The Master grew tired of waiting and prepared to make his way to your room to see what was up with you, you walked through the doorway of the kitchen. You jumped a bit when you saw how upset and tense he looked, staring down the doorway. He tried to calm down quickly. He didn’t want you to think that he was mad at you, he was just worried. But he still had questions for you and your lateness.

“Is everything alright?”

“Yes! Of course. I was just thinking and pacing in my room and lost track of time. I’m sorry for being late. Do you have something planned for breakfast today?” You grabbed your apron and put it on, all the while rambling and walking briskly through the room with barely a glance cast to the Time Lord. The Master didn’t respond to your follow-up questioning and instead walked over to you to look you in the eye.

“If something is wrong, you can tell me.” The Master awkwardly placed his hand on your shoulder. 

“I know that things might be a bit unusual, but I thought that we have been growing close.”

“Nothing’s wrong, Master. I would tell you if something was bothering me, I promise.” You smiled sincerely towards the rebel Time Lord, and he seemed to believe you even though he was still curious about your strange behaviour. So, the two of you decided to play normal and prepare breakfast as you usually did. The Master entertained you with various embarrassing stories of The Doctor and numerous stories that painted The Master to be a great warrior. You loved hearing The Master’s tales, but despite the fun you were having, you couldn’t help but think back to the realisation you had made that morning. 

You woke up more excited to make breakfast with The Master than you had ever before. You just thought that you were lonely, The Master being one person on the TARDIS to take the time to truly understand you. But when you were in the shower, you realised the difference in your feelings. You had fallen in love with The Master. You panicked. You were excited for yourself but quickly became fearful that The Master would never reciprocate. So, you paced around your room and thought of how you were going to handle this situation. You resolved to just play along with the friendship you and The Master had formed and hide your feelings for as long as possible. That’s when you noticed that you were late, so you ran to the TARDIS kitchen to keep up appearances.

You and The Master were almost finished with breakfast. The two of you had made this breakfast several times, so despite the delay, you finished the meal basically on time. After the meal was prepared and the table was set, you would be the one to notify the rest of the companions and The Doctor that breakfast was ready. The TARDIS had placed a large pull-down lever on the furthest wall of the kitchen that would set off a string of chimes and bells in everyone’s rooms. If anyone wasn’t in their room, the TARDIS would notify them herself after you pulled the lever. 

So, you made your way to the device. The Master stopped, however. He grabbed your arm softly and turned you back around to face him. You gave him a questioning look and The Master opened his mouth to speak. He closed his mouth, clueless of what to say, and stood in thought for a moment before finally speaking.

“I meant what I said earlier, Y/n. If something is wrong or you just need to talk about something, I’ll be here if you need me. You’ve been here for me more than necessary. I would like to return the favour.”

“Master, I want …” You trail off when The Master moves his hand up to your face and brushes the pad of his thumb over your cheek. Your eyes locked onto his. It could have been the atmospheric yellow lighting that permeated The Doctor’s TARDIS, but you could have sworn that The Master’s pupils dilated.

“You had a bit of flour on your face.” You nod in understanding but turn away quickly to hide your warming face. Upon turning, you see The Doctor, Yaz, Ryan, Graham and Dan all standing awkwardly in the second doorway of the kitchen. You didn’t know how much of the encounter they observed, but judging their open-mouthed and questioning faces, you assumed that they had seen enough to come to their own conclusions about your relationship with The Master. The Doctor coughed to defuse the tension and barreled past her companions to get to her seat as fast as possible.

“What wonderful breakfast will we be enjoying today, then?”

Despite The Doctor’s attempt to lighten the mood, she was unsuccessful. All of you mainly ate in silence, except for when the Doctor would feel awkward with the silence and try to ramble her way out of it. The Master would always roll his eyes when The Doctor would do this. You always managed to catch him when he would do that, causing you to giggle a bit and try to hide your face from him and your friends. 

The Master kept looking at you throughout the meal, though, mainly wondering what you were thinking. He loved the giggles he would cause, but he knew something was different with you today and he inspected every part of your demeanour for a hint of what could be troubling you. You didn’t seem upset like you had just received bad news. You looked calm, more so like you came to a realisation and are happy about what you just realised. He hoped that it was something about him, but you probably didn’t think of him as anything other than a charity case. 

The Doctor and her companions finished up their breakfasts and gradually walked out of the kitchen to go about days. Thankfully today was a calm day without a set adventure, so you could all just do as you pleased. Yaz was the last to exit the room, dragging The Doctor out behind her. They seemed close. And you didn’t seem to care or notice. All you did was finish eating your own meal before beginning to clear up the table. So, The Master calmed himself when he ruled out jealously from his list of possibilities for why you might have been upset this morning. 

The Master had noticed over his time in the TARDIS that you didn’t appear to have a crush on anyone on board, you mostly hung out around him, even on adventures. Maybe you realised that you liked someone? The Master assumed that you probably liked someone back on Earth, definitely not him. Why would you like him?

When you and The Master began to curate this routine of yours, the two of you agreed with the other to do the clean-up after breakfast. The Doctor and her companions, but especially The Doctor, were surprised that The Master would demean himself by washing the dishes, but unknownst to all of them, The Master just liked hanging out with you. The general schedule eventually extended to the rest of The Doctor’s companions cooking lunch and dinner either going out or the two groups would take turns. 

The quietness between the two of you continued while you washed up, but there was an excitement hidden in your actions. Both you and The Master loved the next part of the routine, going to the library. 

Thankfully, you and The Master didn’t walk to the library in silence. Upon leaving the kitchen and starting your journey to the library, you sparked up a conversation about The Master’s childhood. The Master was shocked, at first. He wondered why you would want to learn about his past. But he had opened up to you about his time on Gallifrey before, so he brushed it off as you just being curious.

Upon entering the library, you went your separate ways searching for the best book for the other. You went off to the section of the library you could actually read. The Master could read almost anything in the library, but he chose to stay close to you, observing you to see if everything was truly okay.

The Master looked at you through the missing books on the bookshelf. He smiled when you scratched an itch on the tip of your nose adorably. Then shook his head in fear; he realised what that thought meant. He had had these thoughts before, but for some reason, his brain didn’t make the greater connection. He conjectured with himself that he most likely didn’t realise his feelings for you because he was relishing in the feeling of no longer being alone. The fact that you were late this morning made him anxious. He feared that you were hurt, lost, or just bored of him. He couldn’t stand any of those possibilities. Especially the thought that you would no longer wish to be around him one day. He assumed that that would happen, though.

The Master looked down at the book in his hands, but he was not looking at anything in particular. The Master was too lost in thought to pay attention to anything. He was too distracted by you and the thought of being with you and how to make you feel better today.

You found your book and motioned to The Master, but he didn’t notice you through the bookshelf. You walked around the bookshelf, trying to get The Master’s attention. You called out to him multiple times, but he just stood in the middle of the aisle, holding a book loosely and staring at his feet. You reached out to gently grab his arm. He jolted at your touch; his eyes fluttered around before finally landing on your eyes. 

“Did something happen? Are you okay?” The Master blinked in response, still a bit confused after being drawn out of his imagination.

“Of course I’m okay. Did you find a book?”

“Yeah, what about you? Are you ready to sit down?”

“I’m not really interested in anything today.”

“Oh. Do you want to call it a day?”

“Do you?”

“No. I like spending the days with you, Master. Do you want to read with me? Or we can do something else.”

“I can read to you if you want. Like I did when you were sick a couple of weeks ago with Tarrairiuum Flu.” 

“I’d love that, Master!” You bounced on the balls of your feet before excitedly pulling him toward your favourite sofa. He stumbled a bit but recovered quickly and followed you, continuing to hold your hand tightly. He wondered if you were just doing this to cheer him up. If all you were doing, the entire time he had been staying on The Doctor’s TARDIS, was tricking him into feeling things. If you were tricking him into being a better person. Tricking him into not scheming. Tricking him to love you. All to appease The Doctor. You couldn’t love him. You just couldn't. He was a monster. 

You manoeuvred the Master to where he was lying down on the sofa by the now lit fireplace thanks to The TARDIS. He couldn’t tear his eyes from you the entire time. When The Master was finally settled, you grabbed a quilt that was thrown over a nearby chair. You crawled over The Master and cuddled into his side with your head on his chest, just like you had when you were sick. The beats of his hearts gave you so much comfort to you then and now.

“Comfortable?” The Master questioned with a smirk.

“Very.”

“Good.” The Master adjusted a bit to open the book you had chosen and began to read.

You stared at him for a moment. His voice always made you feel so many things at once. There was a softness to it that always relaxed you. When he was excited, you could tell in his tone, and it always made you happy to see him joyful. You would always laugh when he would make a sarcastic comment about The Doctor in your ear, there was always jealous gravel laced in his speech. He always sounded so beautiful to you. 

His soft yet slightly chapped lips moved steadily as he read the words of your favourite book. He was about to finish the chapter, and you moved impossibly closer to him. He finished the chapter with gravitas and made you excited for the next chapter even though you had read the book many, many times. He partially closed the book, one of his hands being used as a placeholder. You took his unoccupied stance as an opportunity to kiss his cheek in a moment of love and impulsiveness. A smile broke out on your face when you saw his flabbergasted expression. That was a look you had never seen on his beautiful face before.

“Why did you do that, Y/n?” He sounded scared and worried. Two feelings you never heard him express except for this morning.

“Because I wanted to, Master.”

“Don’t play with me, Y/n.”

“But what if you are so much fun to play with?” You teased and giggled. But The Master’s expression only darkened and grew more serious, so you dropped the joking attitude. 

“What’s wrong, Master?”

“You don’t mean it. So, I don’t find your teasing funny.” The Master snapped his head back to the book, but only because he couldn’t look you in the eye as you rejected him.

“But I do mean it.”

“No, you don’t. Don’t pretend just to make me feel better.”

“Okay, I’m going to stop this before we just bicker back and forth. What will it take for you to believe me, Master?”

“I don’t know.” The Master mumbled sulkingly. You stared at him for a bit longer, upset by how defeated he looked. You moved to kiss his cheek, but you moved slowly to give him the opportunity to push you away. He didn’t move away, so you kissed his cheek again. Then his jaw, then his chin, then his nose, and then his forehead. You could feel his breath quicken and his hearts beat more rapidly.

When you looked back at him, he looked even sadder and broken than before. That was the opposite effect that you wanted.  You kissed his nose one more time then nuzzled your nose against his then placed your forehead against his forehead. He closed his eyes, relishing in the physical contact. Physical contact that he had never received so passion-filled before.

“You can read my mind if you want. If it will prove to you that I am genuine and that I do love you.” His eyes popped open when you said the word love.

“No. I don’t think I need to now.” You wouldn't have offered to have him rummage through your mind if you were lying. 

You moved back, but The Master followed you. He brought his free hand up to cradle your face, occasionally his thumb would brush against your lips.

“Can I kiss you?” You nodded, smiling, and uttered a breathy ‘yes, Master’ before The Master softly pulled the two of you back together. His lips were as soft as they looked as they danced with yours. You regrettably had to pull away to breathe, though, but you giggled when you saw The Master smiling at you.

“I like seeing a smile on your face. Especially when I know that I am the cause of it.”

“I could say the same thing to you, Master.”

“Is this why you were late? Creating a little scheme in order to get me to kiss you?” You giggled again at The Master’s now proud and teasing attitude.

“Well, how else would I get you to kiss me?”

“You little minx!” The Master smirked before attacking you with neck kisses. You began laughing again when The Master’s attack caused you to fall backwards onto the sofa. The TARDIS made sure to lock the library doors and direct The Doctor and her companions away from the library that morning.

[onboardsorasora]

Hii 💜 I know this is not your content, but I came to ask you for help with a question

Do you think it would be a good idea to change my floor ticket (the one really close to the stage, idk the name in english sorry) to one from the upper sector?

With the floor ticket, I agreed to go with a relative so none of us would be alone. This sector was never something that I wanted, the lack of personal space and the difficulties of being there makes me extremely uncomfortable, but it was the only option so I decided to stay at the calm area at the back, and this relative also thought the same. But this person found out that a group of friends will be going on the floor (they are not bad people, but we have absolutely nothing in common and sometimes the situation gets a little weird), they want to get as close to the stage as possible, something I'm not going to do. It would leave me alone at the back, but somehow they would still be around

Yesterday someone offered me a upper sector ticket for a great price and I'm seriously thinking about buying it, but I'm afraid/anxious about being completely alone there and this relative seemed sad when I told about the possible change, can you help me?

Hey Anonstie, thank you for reaching out! I feel super honoured that you came to me :) 

I hope you don’t mind but I asked one of my friends to help make sure I wouldn’t give you skewed (or bad lol) advice.

The main answer we came to was: you should decide what option makes you the most uncomfortable and then do the other one. So if being in the pit in front of the stage with people you don’t gel with is more uncomfortable than watching the show by yourself– we suggest taking the upper sector ticket. Or the other way if being alone is more uncomfy to you than being by a group where you’re only cool with one person. Then stay in the pit.

(you also said that you wouldn’t have preferred to being in the pit, so I’m leaning to think that the upper section ticket is way more appealing to you or else you probably wouldn’t be having this dilemma)

Now; of course there’s so much nuance to every situation but I truly think you should make this decision based on how you feel and now how your relative feels. I cannot stress this enough, this event will be your experience so curate it how you will enjoy it. 

I get that you have a worry of being alone, but if you decide to go be more comfortable by yourself; consider that you’ll still be with like-minded people who are also at this show/event to enjoy themselves as well.

Personally I stay out of the pit, I find a seat haha yeah I’ll be standing most of the time but it feels less claustrophobic to me. If I can’t find seating– I’m normally on the fringes to the back. We saw Jungle perform the other day and we were originally like super close to the stage and then I needed to use the bathroom and THE CRUSH of people to actually get out was horrifying. I spent the lat 45 mins of the show jamming out on the benches by the merch stand and bars. It was still an amazing show and there were so many people just doing the same thing, jamming out, still enjoying the show and visuals but they were comfortable. And I bet their memories will be fantastic because they won’t recall how uncomfortable they were.

I hope this helps!! Please don’t be afraid to reach out again or DM me!! <3

[zombiemollusk]

on censorship of self-harm

[cw: discussion of self-harm (obviously) and brief mentions of abuse]

because apparently some people think it needs to be blocked from media entirely? and i just. no.

listen.

i used to cut myself. a lot. shallow cuts all over my arms and legs. if you look real close, you can see some of the old scars.

i didn’t start doing so until a few years into my depression though. so where did i first get the idea to start?

ironically enough, a short manga story about two girls who cut themselves, one of whom goes on to commit suicide. the story was very clearly written to raise awareness of depression and suicide, and was NOT intended to encourage self-harm (and for the record, because the story was entirely about the subject, the book synopsis gave me plenty of warning ahead of time) but at the time i remember thinking something like “wait, people do this? does it work??”

so i tried it.

and tried it again.

and again.

it was weirdly calming. years later i’d find out that’s because physical harm releases endorphins. so i was basically getting high on endorphins i guess.

i still relapse sometimes, though thankfully rarely. i don’t think it’ll ever go away entirely.

anyway, i feel like someone’s gonna read the above and immediately be all OH MY GOD THIS IS WHY WE SHOULDN’T EVER DEPICT SELF-HARM REGARDLESS OF INTENT, IT MADE THIS GIRL START CUTTING HERSELF.

and i, the girl in question, wanna say: don’t fucking do that.

you wanna know what would have prevented me from cutting? actual support for my issues. my mother being emotionally available and not treating me like an emotional punching bag. my at-the-time best friend not being a manipulative bully. my teachers actually knowing how to help kids instead of just parroting uninformed 80s psas.

if it wasn’t for that story, and everything in the last paragraph still happened, something else would have given me the idea. if it wasn’t for everything in that last paragraph, and i still read the story, i would have reacted with the horror and compassion that was intended. make no mistake, i want stories like that to exist. blaming them for my problems feels a little too similar to victim-blaming to me; either way, you’re avoiding the actual cause, because targeting a book is far easier than targeting long-running societal practices (especially ones you contribute to, intentionally or not).

warn ahead of time that a story depicts self-harm? absolutely. that way people can either leave the story alone or mentally prepare themselves. prevent such depictions entirely? no. absolutely not.

and if your takeaway from this is “well, you’re the victim, your view is probably skewed and therefore wrong”, you better just admit now that your “activism” for people like me is based entirely on your feelings, not mine. and people ignoring my feelings is how i got here to begin with.

[sassooda]

Worlds Away JJK AU / Chapter 23 - Control

w/c - 6,439

               Shoko is standing on the left side of Satoru as he lays unconscious on the medical table. The room is bright under the fluorescent lights, the walls white to match the tiled floor.  “I never thought he would be one to wind up in here…” She looks up to Toji and Nanami, “I can definitely fix him up but are the seals really necessary?”

               “That fucker lost his mind and went after Megumi.” Toji huffs as he looks down at Satoru. He’s still shirtless after using his wings to fly to the scene and then to fly the bastard back to the academy. Blood still on his off-white pants.

               “They are indeed necessary because if he wakes up in that same state, we won’t be able to control him.” Nanami finds himself extremely torn on the idea of sealing Gojo’s powers, he really would rather get through to him if that were possible.

               “So it was that bad, huh?” Shoko switches her gaze to Satoru as she continues to heal him. “This is just a hunch but I’m guessing there are certain levels of your newfound abilities Toji…” She runs her hand across Gojo’s forehead, brushing his hair away, “His infinity doesn’t recognize Elska at all, her transmitted wavelengths of energy disrupt their continuous flow.” She now looks back to Toji. “Did you feel or notice anything different when the attacks landed on him?”

               Toji crosses his arms as he leans against the wall a few feet away, “It did feel different…almost like an additional surge from within packed the extra punch.” Some of his chest muscles twitch as he relives the powerful feeling.

               “Megumi also reported that the exchange happened because Satoru was targeting the city…” Nanami’s voice minimizes knowing that he’s being put in an impossible situation in regards to other’s safety. He’s taking off his tanned suit jacket to become a little more comfortable.

               She walks over to the table that has Elska’s bloodied wing and runs her hands along the metal feathers. “Toji, how are you feeling right now?”

               “I’m fucking on edge what do you think?” Toji didn’t mean to be so snippy, he’s just feeling out of sorts.

               “When was the last time you fed?” Shoko seems to be thinking heavily as she walks across the room for sample scraping tools.

               “Two days.” Toji clenches his fists as he thinks about Elska being in the hands of the enemy.

               “That’s not good.” Shoko is still completely composed after taking in all the information. “I’ve worked with Elska on this in the past, I may be able to create something to hold you over. This wing right here is the key to it all.”

               All three of their eyes take to the wing. Toji winces as his eyes meet it.

               “If I can’t though, you’ll have to feed from someone else…” She looks over to Gojo, “We know his blood suffices for Elska so maybe that would work too.”

               “He tastes like SHIT I am not interested.” The very thought of having to find nourishment through Gojo makes his skin crawl. “Please do what you can but I’m planning on rescuing them.”

               “Her original purpose for being brought to this world was to eliminate Satoru…” Nanami finally chimes in, “…but now we know anyone else like her might hold the same capabilities as well. What I don’t understand is, if there was an entire world of people like this, why choose her when she wasn’t willing?”

               “That is strange, I wonder why as well…” Shoko is now leaning over the wing on the waist high white countertop, scraping away tissue into a petri dish. “I’ll get on this right away Toji, just don’t go losing your cool too!” She winks at him as she applies the lid to the dish and sets it by her row of microscopes.

               Toji is trying his best to remain calm due to everything that has happened but his heart breaks at the thought of the kid and her being in Getou’s hands. “We have to get them.”

               Shoko is now back to healing Satoru, using her energy’s wavelengths to assist Gojo’s reverse technique to improve the rate at which it takes. “I’ve got this covered here if you two have other business to handle.”

               “We are not leaving you alone with him until we know he’s mentally stable.” Nanami’s tone was law in this accord, his mind made up.

               Just then Satoru shows signs of stirring. Toji jumps from the wall and is ready to strike if Gojo isn’t well. Nanami takes a step forward to be beside Toji with the same intent in mind. They all have to turn their eyes from the blinding blue light emitting from the talismans wrapped around his body, acting like restraints to assist the metal ones over his wrists and legs.

               “What…what the…” Gojo’s eyes open slowly as he tries to move his body, “WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?!” Upon recognizing that he’s restrained he’s thrown into a wild reaction, jolting his body around trying to break free. “NOT AGAIN!!!!!!” He roars as his wounds begin to reopen, not having been fully addressed by this time.

               Shoko hurriedly moves back to the side of him and slaps him across the face. Toji and Nanami gasp before charging over to the table.

               “Gojo, what the FUCK do you think you’re doing acting this way?” Her voice is stern, almost motherly as she expresses her disappointment to his recent actions.

               Gojo didn’t feel the pain from the slap but the action was enough to catch his attention. He glares up at her hatefully for a few seconds before his eyes water, following his features softening. “Why…why do you guys have me sealed like this…WHY?” He struggles a little more but not as rapidly as before. “WHAT THE FUCK YOU GUYS?” He snaps his head over to Toji and Nanami as he fears he’s been betrayed.

               “Satoru, do you not recall trying to level the city?” Nanami is calmly walking towards his friend and even grabs his wrist gently. “You also tried to hurt Megumi…”

               Gojo’s eyes are panicked as he listens to Nanami’s words. He doesn’t recall at first and thinks this is some weird psychological punishment of some sort so he yells like a mad man while flailing in the restraints, throwing his body against the metal table. “I wouldn’t attack Megumi!!! What the fuck!?”

               “But you did shit head, you put my boy in your domain…” Toji’s face is completely burned over with discontent. “I had to break in to get him out.” Toji is snarling at the memories.

               Gojo has a flash of realization as he does indeed remember doing the things he’s accused of. His eyes take to the ceiling, ignoring Shoko to his left and the men in the room. He tears up as he recalls viciously trying to end both Toji and Megumi. “Fuck…”

               “You are far too powerful to lose control like that Gojo, you know better than this.” Shoko is wiping his tears away as they spill from the corners of his eyes. “You are one of my closest and oldest friends, I know you. What do you think Elska would say to that?”

               Immediately Gojo begins to cry as the overwhelming facts of his Elska and Itadori reclaim his thoughts. “I didn’t mean to… I just…” He takes a second to breathe and control himself, “Getou is going to do horrible things, he already has.” He exhales heavily through his teeth as he looks to Shoko, “I’m sorry…” He then turns his head the best he can to look at Toji and Nanami, “Her wing…he ripped it out of her…” He wails in frustration as he considers his predicament. She is in trouble and he’s once again unable to move. That alone breaks him slightly. “I just want them back…”

               Nanami squeezes his friend’s wrist with concern. “We’re going to get them Satoru but we need your help.” He frowns as he looks over the talismans that are still slightly glowing blue where the kanji ink sits. “You can’t do that again, I probably shouldn’t even risk letting you out of this.” His brow furrows further and he removes his tinted glasses to look into Gojo’s eyes.

               Gojo is clearly agitated by Nanami’s words but understands where he’s coming from. He’s just in an odd post-traumatic state from when he was sealed before. His pain that he was able to ignore from the sudden adrenaline begins to set in. “God damnit, why am I hurting so bad?”

               “I had to put a few holes in you before you stopped you obnoxious cunt.” Toji hasn’t made any effort to come closer now that he sees Gojo speaking, he doesn’t care to offer him any comfort either. “Next time you go after my boy though, that’s it…I’ll fucking kill you. We now know that I can too.”  

               Gojo’s eyes darken as they take to Toji’s direction. He doesn’t appreciate being spoken to like that, he’s still the strongest after all.

               “Toji, that’s not helping but Gojo,” Shoko directs his chin to face her, “You understand the position you’ve put us in, right? We need to know that you’re good before we let you out of this.”

               Gojo grunts and closes his eyes to regain his composure. That collected state of mind almost feels foreign to him as the recent events have skewed time, making it seem like 2 days were actually 2 years. “I get it.” Is all he says

               “Now let me heal you up, it’ll be faster than your own technique that’s not used to healing you.” She smiles at him lovingly, knowing that he has to feel incredibly small like this. She has a lot of love for Gojo, they went through the academy together and have been the right kinds of strange to mesh well in a friendship. She’s also very taken by Elska and Itadori, as people and as scientific anomalies.

               Nanami looks down to Gojo and smirks, “Maybe we need alcohol again.” A little chuckle leaves his lips as he brushes his own hair back. He sees Satoru smile briefly as well and it brings him a little more at ease. “I know you care about them a lot Satoru but we need to go about this as a team. You can’t just go around hurting people, you’re past that now.”

               Gojo’s eyes water slightly to this as he knows Nanami is probably the only person that is completely familiar with Gojo’s evolution of becoming a better man. He knows he messed up severely and also recognizes that if he doesn’t get his shit together soon then they’ll have that much less of a chance to save the two of them. “I know…” He takes in another deep breath, grasping more sanity and the room seems to relax as the talismans finally stop glowing.

               “I do know that they want to enlist Sukuna as one of their own so Itadori might not be as in much danger. Getou hates Elska though which is why I think he did what he did…” Toji looks to her wing instinctually and feels a pit in his chest. ‘Master…” echoes through his ears internally. “Naoya contacted me recently…” He sees Gojo’s eyes dart in his direction, “It was before all of this obviously you dumb fuck. He was asking for my help with making her a Zenin…he doesn’t seem to trust Getou’s intentions either.”

               “They’re both irreplaceable to us and in many ways.” Nanami is now leaning against the metal table with his back by Gojo’s legs. “What of your inside man Toji?”

               “I’ve tried to contact Choso and Naoya both, they aren’t answering.” Toji unfolds his arms and walks to the foot of the metal table, being the last one to surround him. He grabs Gojo’s ankles firmly and says, “Are you going to make me save them by myself you fucking fool?” His mannerisms are unkind but there’s a trace of friendliness as well.

               “I want them back…” Gojo looks to Toji, not acknowledging his hands on his ankles.

Toji may not necessarily like Gojo but knows they have a common goal. “I wish I could say that Naoya would be protecting her but I don’t understand how Getou got ahold of her wing if he was…I actually fear the worst there.”

               “I hate to say it but I don’t think Naoya would’ve allowed that either.” Gojo is trying his best to remain calm as they discuss the severities further. “I know he cares about her, it was written all over his face when we last met.” Gojo proceeds to think of that weird dynamic and situation from when Elska and everyone saved him before. A part of him begins to imagine Naoya wrapping his arms around her protectively and for some reason he’s not enraged by it but feels saddened. ‘God Damnit…’

               “I do know that Naoya and Choso are likely to break away from Getou but he’s strong. If we do succeed in defeating him, then we’ll have to worry about the Zenin clan immediately afterwards.” Toji has since removed his hands from Gojo and is folding his arms again, “But perhaps we can cross that bridge when we come to it.”

               “I’ll kill them all if I have to.” Gojo’s voice wasn’t erratic or even emotional but it disturbed everyone in the room.

               “If you want to make her situation better then you absolutely cannot just fucking kill everyone Satoru, what the fuck is the matter with you?” Nanami is losing his patience, knowing that Gojo is capable of controlling himself but is wondering if Gojo’s just declining to do so.

               “I JUST WANT THEM BACK DAMNIT!” Gojo tries to lift up from the table but his neck will only bend so far while laid out flat causing him to give up and hit the back of his head.

               “Take a few to cool off Satoru. We’re not letting you out until you do.” Nanami is always so forward but knows it’s for the best. Sugar coating this for him won’t do anything but bite them in the ass later.

               “Fuck you.” Gojo is back to staring at the ceiling.

               “I love you too buddy.” Nanami cackles to Gojo’s response. He felt the truth in his words but also understands his friend pretty well, knowing that he’s just reeling in the fact that they lost Itadori and Elska. Everyone is upset about it so he knows Gojo being her protector is especially fueled.

               “Shoko, can’t I at least kill them?” Gojo’s eyes are no longer dark as he shoots them somewhat playfully to her.

               “You crack me up Gojo!” She’s laughing at his deflective behavior as she rests a hand on his shoulder, “No you may not.” She’s serious but is still giggling. “There’s one more thing though…” Gojo is curiously looking to her, “I need some of your blood.”      

               “Well I’m not really in the position to refuse now am I?” He keeps trying to sit himself up as he grows more frustrated with being pinned lying down.

               “It’s for the greater good, I promise!” Shoko smiles to him widely as she decides to hold off on explaining that it’s for Toji. Their relationship still seems pretty tumultuous at the moment.

               “Go ahead then…” Gojo is fighting his anger as he comes to terms with the fact that they’re trying to help. “Do we have any plans in the making? How the fuck do we even find them without Choso?”

               “I’ll work on that angle.” Toji is determined to contact one of them.

               “And I’ll start putting a team together.” Nanami is grabbing his folded suit coat as he seems to be leaving the room. “Can I trust you Satoru?”

               “I’m fine I promise…I won’t attack anyone…” Gojo tries to look over to Nanami but can’t. “Just get me out of this PLEASE.”

               “I’m going to finish healing you first so why don’t you just sit back and relax for a few.” Shoko smiles to him again and is relieved to see that Gojo will comply. “Alright boys, do what you have to do, we’re ok here!”

               Gojo’s eyes meet Toji’s again as the massive man stares him down. He can tell that Toji is still unsure about him and figures there was no getting around that. Instead of inciting more aggression from him though he just scoffs and looks away, not liking the feeling at being to their mercy at all.

               “I’ll be back in a little bit to check on everything.” Toji now goes to leave the room.

               When left alone Shoko grabs Gojo’s hand and holds it with both of her own. “Sweetie, you really have to be mindful, ok? Especially now that we know that Toji can hurt you… I don’t want any of that so please…please just get along alright?” Gojo’s eyes are expressing annoyance but she continues, “I know you miss them and are worried about her but we will get them back.” She now squeezes softly to administer more emotion to him. “She would be devastated if anything happened to you, is that what you want?”

               “I just want to know they’re ok… I need her Shoko. I always have…”

               “I know, I know… and we’ll fix all of this but you’re imperative for the rescue so knock off the villain shit alright?” She now brushes up and down his arm as she feels him relax more. “That’s not you anymore...you have to control it.”

               He tears up again to hearing this, knowing he’s still actually quite evil on the inside but she knows this too. She’s merely asking him to keep himself in check.

               “I will…but when I get my hands on Getou, I’m ripping his fucking body in two.”

               “Now that I won’t argue against, he’s a lost cause.” They both smile at the verbally murderous exchange and he quietly thanks her as he breathes deeply to let her continue her healing.

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               Naoya is heading back to Elska’s room with haste, not liking the idea of her being unguarded for even a second. He holds in his hands traditional styled yukatas threaded by his Zenin blue. He meant to already have clothes ready for her but completely forgot to incorporate that into the design of the room. He remembers how a couple of hours ago she asked him, “So, Naoya? Am I to just remain naked here or what?” She was half kidding but her shaman uniform that she arrived in was completely trashed by that point. He felt so embarrassed at missing such a huge detail, hoping that she knew he didn’t do that on purpose.

               As he walks down the hall towards her room he catches Choso heading the opposite direction. “Cho!” He calls out to see the being halt and turn around. By the time he makes it to Choso, he’s standing a few doors away from Elska’s room. “Hey so how did it go with Ita-…”

               “Naoya, cease your words!” Choso seems on edge and Naoya starts to worry that perhaps their reunion didn’t go as planned.

               “There’s a Titer here, I can feel their technique.” Choso whispers cautiously. “I don’t know what they’re watching or doing… but someone definitely is. We can’t talk right now.”

               Naoya’s eyes widen to this, thinking Getou enlisted one to force Elska’s cooperation and he darts to and through her door quickly. “ELSKA! Are you alright?!”  He runs into the room in a frenzied state but finds her sitting on the couch with a book, unharmed and alone. “Holy SHIT, my heart!”

               “I’m…fine?” Her look is of confusion as she sees Naoya’s demeanor ease and looks at all the fabric he’s carrying. “What is all of that?”

               “Clothes!” He smiles and sets them down on the arm of the couch before going back out into the hallway to look for Choso but he was gone already. He fears he’ll be unable to openly speak to Choso about this now but figures he’ll find a way to communicate with him. He now shuts her door behind him as she’s already standing up and trying to figure out the cloth.

               “You brought me bath robes?” She giggles as she holds up the top one, it looking too large to fit her.

               “They’re traditional in my family and are called Yukata’s.” He smiles as he catches his breath and walks towards her, his anxiousness dissipating. She puts in on around her body, discarding the top silver sheet from the bed that she originally was wrapped in for modesty. He notices that she has not the first clue as to how to wear them. “That’s not at all how it goes,” He chuckles as he lifts the bundle of cloth to remove the under robe from the bottom of the pile the goes beneath it, “You can’t just be nude underneath this!!”

               “Show me the way then Master Naoya” She jokingly offers a bow as she’s interested in learning exactly how to put all of it on.

               He was in the process of wrapping the underwear robe before stopping to her words. ‘She said it…she said it!’ Hearing it felt better than he ever would have imagined, even if was in a different context than his fantasies. Seeing that she was bare he continued to help her with the dressing, smiling widely behind her as he adores this moment.

               “No bra huh? I like this already!!” She places her arms through the sleeves and sees there’s two separate areas on both sides to tie it. She manages to figure this part out but as she’s tying the second knot, his arms wrap around her from behind.

               “I’m so glad you’re alright…” he lowly speaks into her ear as he holds her there.

               “I’ve not had any unexpected visitors if that’s what you’re worried about.” She places a hand on his forearm that’s draped above her chest.

               He turns her around to face him and places a hand under her chin to lift her head towards him. “That’s good, it shall remain that way.” He leans in to kiss her lightly before grabbing the dark blue yukata. He opens it, outstretching his arms, allowing her to slide her right arm in first and then the left. She takes the robes and wraps them around her but he stops and corrects it. “The left side should always be on top, you wrap the right side against your body first.” He smiles as he shakes his head and positions the yukata properly. “Here hold it like this.” He waits for her to pinch the cloth on her right hip before he reaches for the first of two separate ties. “You first secure the robes with this!” He maneuvers the tie around her hips and waist before snugly knotting it on that same side. “You then have to either tie or tuck the rest of it. Now here, lift up your arms.” She does and he brings a second fastening cloth tie around her but this time beneath her bosom.

               “You just wanted to touch me!” She giggles as he shrugs as if to agree but she knows there was more to this than just that.

               “I always do” He finally retorts with kindness in his eyes. “You can put them down for now.” He’s shifting the fabric underneath the ties he’s made so that it overlaps in the front, hiding the fasteners. He then holds one hand on the front of her yukata while loosening the collar, “It’s also traditional to show off the nape of your neck but with class of course.” He creates the slack in the back of her collar and hums to how seductive she is, even with being fully clothed now. His lips meet her nape gently before he circles her again to grab the silver and black two-toned obi. “Typically this would be much more vibrant but these are what I was able to grab on short notice.”

               “This is a lot of work!” She’s amazed by the process and how intricate donning traditional wear is. “I’m not so sure I would’ve figured this out on my own.” She’s laughing as he holds the thick long obi out in front of her, “That’s so long!”

               “That’s what she said” He chuckles at his own joke nervously until she picks up on the meaning. He’s relieved she understood. He hangs and end of the obi over her right shoulder as he ties it from the front. “This goes behind you but if you’re really willing to learn I’ll demonstrate.” He gets down on his knees as he wraps it around her twice. The piece lying over her should now becomes orderly folded three times, to which he then grabs the other end of the obi to wrap it around the fold, creating an extravagant bow. “Now we just twist this behind you…” He’s back up to his feet as he shimmies it to the back. He backs away from her to take in the full view and finds himself overwhelmed with joy. “You look beautiful…”

               She strikes a few little poses for him, finding that this was way harder to maneuver in than her normal clothes. She walks over to the mirror and stands back to see as much of it as she can. Naoya walks behind her and engulfs her body into his arms, them crossing underneath the obi. “Just like a princess…” He whispers behind her as he kisses the side of her head and cheek. He’s completely fine with seeing this for the rest of his life.

               She turns around to face him and lean into the sink. Her hands cup his face as he leans down into her, their lips meeting passionately. The moment their tongues touch she feels her body temperature rising rapidly and her eyes glow through their lids. She feels him abruptly stop and instead of being met with his lustful eyes, she see’s that he looks concerned instead.

He pulls away after noticing the heat and the faintest trail of the scent. “Elska…” He fills his lungs with it while trying to remain focused. “We have to get that under control. It’s not safe for you if we don’t.” His words are almost at whisper volume again and she’s clearly picking up that there’s something more going on than she’s aware of.

“I don’t know if I can Naoya, you set them off randomly for me…” He brings her gaze to his chest as she lays her head against it. She just needs to be near him and loves it when he expresses the same urge.

“Well, we start training today then.” He grabs her shoulders and pushes her back a few inches so he can see her eyes. He’s back to whispering completely, “Getou doesn’t know about the pheromones or how your bite feels, it was an agreement Toji and I made months ago…” His hands start rubbing her shoulders, “If he finds out, I’ll be forced to kill him now…he’ll not let you go at that point.” Naoya wants her of course but knows that if they don’t figure that out soon then he won’t be the only one. ‘Getou knowing would spare her life automatically but at what cost?’ He’s not willing to find out.

“How exactly do we train for this then?” She’s not even sure how to go about that. “Even when I feed from you, it releases sometimes….” The hopelessness on her face is evident as she considers feeding less.

“If you react so rashly to me then maybe I shouldn’t be so handsy.” He immediately withdraws his caressing of her shoulder only to feel cold as he leaves her there standing without his touch.

“But I want you to be, you feel so good to me Naoya…” She’s upset that he’s right even if its not what she wants.

“Let’s try feeding for today then…maybe drink slower or something.” He’s realizing he doesn’t know how to train for this either. He’d probably feel a little more defeated about the whole thing if she wasn’t so pretty before him in his clan’s colors. “You really do look stunning in the Zenin blue.” His hand caresses her left cheek as the words leave his mouth. “I want to give you everything that I am but we have to survive this first my dear…” She nods in response and he feels a little less weighted about the situation.

He grabs her hand and brings her back to the couch as he sits down and guides her above. He’s sitting on something hard and pulls it out from underneath him. It was the book she was reading called ‘Lilith: The Best Mutual written by Nakiich.’ He smiles to her love for books and shifts their weight so can carefully place it on the cushion beside them. “Is it a good read?”

As her legs find their way on either side of him under her, she smiles and explains, “Yes it is! It’s a book that one of my favorite writers wrote about my other favorite writer.” She sees him not fully understanding, “It’s adult stuff Naoya, you’re too young for that.”

He wraps his arms around her and pulls her towards him as she squeals to his soft attack. “I’m pretty sure we’re about the same age my little minx.” He laughs, “You’ll just have to read it for me one day.” He’s still smiling but begins to unbutton his collar entirely so she doesn’t have to worry about working around it. She helps him by finishing the buttons while listening to the silence that’s only weakened by their breathing. When she’s finished he looks up to her glowing eyes and runs his hand up her left arm as she grabs his bicep for stability. “Remember to try going slower this time, we need to see if that’s a variable at all.”

She nods to him before aiming for neck. She stops as her face passes his cheek and pecs him on it before using her fangs to pierce him. His taste instantaneously forces a moan out her like it always does, the perfection that is his flavor has always swooned her. The sweetness of him, the care, the loyalty, his thoughts concerning her… everything was just so attractive.

He tries to hold his moan back but was unsuccessful as her draw from him feels nothing short of incredible. His hands find themselves gripping her thighs as she takes from him. “Go slow baby, we have to figure…figure this out.” He’s trying to remain level headed but is struggling to do so. He hears her whimpers and it causes him to grow beneath her. ‘No no little man…knock that off…’ he thinks as he fights so many urges at once. Her body temperature starts to rise as he feels his bulge nudging her. ‘Shit!’ He pulls her away as she pants above him, blood slowly spilling from his neck. She reaches down to close and heal the wounds and then opens her eyes.

She feels her heat regulating itself as she stares down into Naoya’s. She was close to releasing them but hasn’t fed enough nor is her other thirst quenched. Her physical thirst for him. “Naoya…” Her eyes are half lidded, her voice purposefully trying to entice him.

He looks up to her and hums as he battles himself. Of course he wants to take her to the bed but he’s worried about another incident like before occurring. He barely was able to lie his way out of that situation with Getou and isn’t even convinced that Getou believed him. “Elska… I don’t know if we should yet.”

She disagrees initially and bounces on him a few times, resting herself into his pitched tent. She whines his name again and she can tell he’s trying to hold back.

After her pressing the issue he shifts them both until he’s able to stand, her legs wrapping around him. She grins so widely and leans in to kiss him. He kisses her back but presses her back against the wall near the door. “Once we leave here, I swear by all that is good in this world that I will fill you as many times as you need. Whenever, wherever.” He kisses her cheek as he sees her understanding that he’s not going to have sex with her. “If I am to keep you safe my princess, then we have to be smart…now more than ever.” Her legs slowly release from around him and he sets her down gently onto her feet.

“Naoya, what else aren’t you telling me?” She’s frustrated with him but can’t be too angry. ‘He really does cherish me…’

His face is twisted in anger, “There’s a Titer somewhere on the premises… we don’t know what is being watched but I can almost guarantee it’s Getou using them, trying to figure you out…” He sighs as he engraves this moment into his brain, wanting to use this hatred for the man when the time comes to take him out.

“A Titer?” She knows she’s heard that before but asks him anyways for clarification. ‘That beast is watching us?’

“They’re a clan with mind altering capabilities and more… Gojo used them to manipulate your memories…” His eyes take to the wall beside her as he hates even speaking of that. He feels her hand cupping his face bringing back to face her own.

“That makes sense…” Is all she says while looking at him but her demeanor is still one that’s attentive to him. “Ok…I’ll stop pushing the issue…”

“It’s really difficult to refuse you Elska, I hope you understand how much I detest not making you happy.” He’s noticing that her yukata is already messed up and chuckles under his breath as he goes to reposition it.

“I don’t know how we’ll get through this part,” She laughs, “Because I am dripping over here.”

Naoya sighs heavily to this, knowing that he wants to check for himself but there’s no way that’ll end with anything other than melting into each other. “God damnit…why?” He throws his head back slightly as he tries to refrain from making any moves that may cause him regret. He thinks he has an idea of how to lessen the sexual tension but isn’t sure how to word it. She’s still looking at him caringly, her hands traveling around his arms. “Maybe…and just hear me out…” He feels himself blushing at the words he’s articulating while she curiously waits for what he has to say. “Maybe you should try…ummm…taking care of yourself before I come to see you.” He can’t even look at her and is embarrassed that he just suggested masturbation.

She quickly finds herself bellowing out laughter at how awkward he’s being. She doesn’t mean to tease him but she doesn’t want him to feel uncomfortable either, it was actually a legitimate possibility that could help. “Maybe if I do it to the thought of you.”

He quietly gasps at this and feels that didn’t hinder his erection at all. Unsure of how to react to her response he just looks at her and slowly smiles…he can’t even keep the straight face. “I will carry my weight and do the same…maybe to you as well.” The excitement in his words was painfully obvious to and he is now feeling awe at how easily they can communicate to each other.

“Maybe a bath will help to right now.” She sees his eye twitch after she spoke.

“You…you are killing me right now…” He says this but his vision is already taken by tub. He raises an eyebrow as he wonders if she’ll even be able to get out of the yukata by herself.

“I mean for you to join me Naoya…” She hugs him, resting her head into his chest as she doesn’t want to let him go, doesn’t want him to leave. “I swear I’ll stop trying to seduce you!” She’s back to giggling as this predicament is so strange altogether. She’s technically his prisoner but you wouldn’t guess that by their mutual affections, they seem almost domestic. “Don’t you want me to wash you again?”

“Arghhh, yes…yes I do…” He takes a deep breath to strengthen his resolve as he then grabs her hand and leads her towards the tub to turn on the water. ‘I can do this…no problem…’ He reaches around her to undo the obi, fighting with the damn thing for a minute, even with his expertise. One article of clothing at a time she’s reaching her bare state again. She looks up to him with an attitude as he’s yet to undress himself in the slightest. “Yes ma’am” He cackles as he doffs his own clothes. He feels her eyes scanning his body and although he loves that she’s so drawn to him, he wishes that fate would be less cruel. He steps into the tub as it fills, and holds her hand so she can do the same with ease. It’s such a large one but they seem to have found a single spot that they utilize, it’s the same one from the first bath together. As he sits back completely and follows her with his eyes, she leans over him to reach the small towels behind him tickled by his clear frustration as her breasts range in his face.

She starts with the blood on his neck from where he pulled her away earlier. He closes his eyes as he enjoys the feeling of his intended slowly wiping it away. He feels utterly relaxed as she kneels before him while the water fills their surrounding area. After she’s grazed almost the entirety his body with the towel, she goes to sit in his lap but in a curled-up manner that brings her head to his left shoulder and her knees near his right. His arms secure themselves around her and she begins to settle into him herself, also completely relaxed.

She wonders to herself how long this wonderful time with him will last. She’s tried not to think about the marriage part, she’s barely able to enjoy him without the guilt of knowing Toji and Satoru are probably worried sick. What would they think if they knew of how she spent her time there? She nuzzles into his chest deeper as she tries to forget the anxiety riddling her mind.

“Naoya…” she smiles into him as they soak in the filling tub.

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[wisteria-lodge]

exploded bird + lion secondary (badger model)

Good afternoon Wisteria! I was hoping for your input with my sorting. This MAY become a novel, and i apologize ahead of time for that. Hopefully its interesting, if nothing else.

I am having trouble with both my primary and secondary. Ive thought i had it figured out so many times and then i would reanalyze myself and get confused. So i guess ill start with primaries. I can tell you for sure that i am not a snake primary. I just cant love another person quite like that. I grew up in a very snake primary environment and never felt i really fit in. I really appreciate snakes and i understand them, but i dont think i am one. I also very much pride myself on my individuality and dont bond to groups so i believe that may rule out badger. I think ive narrowed it down to exploded bird or really confused lion.

Interesting. So far so good. Let’s hear what you’ve got.

Right now in life, with all the information coming at me, all the data, all of the twists and turns, media bias, conspiracy theories, rabbit holes and objective realities, i cant figure out the truth.

… sounds like an Exploded Bird to me.

I think all theories are worth investigating and rabbit holes are fun. But i hate hypocrisy. And its everywhere.

I mean, everyone hates hypocrisy… but I think Birds find it *unforgivable.*

I cant organize all of this information.

Exploded Bird.

Dude. Whats gonna happen if deep fake becomes the norm?

eh, Photoshop has been the norm for a long time and we do okay. Some fakes have always been better than others, and there have always been fakes.

I feel like the safest thing to do is to fully understand myself. Then i can analyze and understand the world.

I would agree with that.

I would say that hands down i was an exploded bird, but i feel very strongly about things right away. But then i learn about them more and if my feelings were wrong, ok. Whatever.

This is still Bird. It’s not that Birds can’t feel strongly about things right away. They do, they just don’t feel safe TRUSTING those feelings. Instead they do… exactly what you’re describing here. Learn more, and then if it turns out their initial feelings were wrong… that’s fine, actually. The feelings are of secondary importance.

BUT i also WANT black and white. I want right and wrong. Grey, though necessary and true, bugs me.

… there’s a reason why I call young Birds Black-and-White Birds.

Deep down i crave to just understand something as it is. But one persons truth is not anothers. I get that. But it still bothers me in my bones.

That’s a very Bird primary angst. Birds can have this *fantasy* that if only everyone had all the information and thought it though properly, that everyone would come to the same (correct) conclusion. And then have to grapple with the fallout when they realize things don’t work that way. As a Lion… I’ve never had to fight that particular monster.

I can also seem like i make snap decisions based on feelings to others, but i just know what i want. If something sounds good, i want to do it. At that moment. No hesitation… i think im meshing into secondary territory here

I agree. Improvisational secondary, sounds like.

so ill just go with it. So my bedroom walls are lilac purple and my kitchen is BRIGHT yellow, because those colors sounded interesting. At that moment. I tend to jump into a project having no idea what im doing. I just thought it sounded like fun.

Comfortable making decisions on a whim, just jumping in. Very improvisational.

But thats not really a way to problem solve. When i start said project and then run into a problem, usually ill read about it, or ask someone who knows more than me. The “i know a guy” bird kind of applies here. I know how to make connections within my community and i plan for that. I think about who would be useful to know, based on my goals.

You know, this could be Bird. But I’m kind of skewing more Badger because of the emphasis on community and asking for help. And keeping an eye on ‘who is powerful, who is useful to know’ is a pretty common Badger secondary model manifestation.

But i dont think i build tools like a bird. In fact, binge watching videos on how to do something annoys me. Takes all the fun out of it.

I still think you’re an Improvisational secondary - and a Badger secondary model is *more* likely than a Bird secondary model.

I am always honest with people and i like that about me, but its not out of some need to stay true to myself. Its just because i have learned that honesty works the best most of the time.

So not Lion *primary* then. This is all about method. You don’t lie, because you don’t find it to be a very practical problem-solving method. Being very direct does work, so at this point… Lion is more likely than snake.

Now, dont get me wrong, i am an excellent liar. But only if its on the fly.

Hmm. Maybe a Snake who’s in neutral all the time?

This conflicts big time with my primary, however, so i rarely ever do.

Interesting. Lying conflicts with your (hypocrisy hating) Bird primary, so you don’t do it. Instead you are very direct, and that works well for you. You *can* lie (on the fly) but you generally don’t. Neutral Snake? Snake secondary model? Depending on how you define lying, could even be Courtier Badger. (I am ruling out constructed Actor Bird.)

I feel like ive gone all over the place in a highly disorganized way, so i will state that now i am going to give some anecdotal data. One time, as an adult, i was hanging out with a bunch of kids on a hayride. A little boy killed a butterfly. I was outraged. I called him out. I told him that he just took away the only life that creature would ever have and that was cruel.

Very loud Idealist primary.

This somehow turned into a question and answer school session about human biology, mammals and why on earth is water in a cup clear, but when you dive into the ocean, its blue?

Some kind of social secondary… and I know the obvious thing is to say 'trotting out a lot of facts, that’s bird.’ But I’m seeing you defuse a situation by leveraging your immediate community (Q&A session)? Badger.

I like being the person that gets the scary bugs out of the house because i feel brave when i do.

Sounds pretty Lion secondary.

When in an emergency situation i completely disconnect and become a calm, knowledgeable person.

This is actually a pretty common just, human thing. When things get bad enough, your lizard brain takes over, and everything is very calm and dreamlike.

I suddenly magically know what needs to be done and work with my environment.

Improvisational secondary.

Im also very aware of how everyone else is doing in that situation and i have an innate need to make people feel better so im usually the first to lighten the mood. Ill focus on others before myself if im hurt. Im more aware of how they are doing than how i am doing and i will make an effort to help them first.

Ah yes, the 'tend and befriend’ threat response. Very familiar. And yeah, going from this description I’m going to say very social badger.

In video games… skyrim is best here i think. I want to be a sneaky mage thief. But when something attacks me, without thinking i run right up to it and hit it with my fists without armor.

lol lion. (The classic Badger secondary strategy is BUFF ARMOR. I always play tanks.)

But i get really sad if its an animal.Those wolf whimpers get to me every time.

No one likes the wolf whimpers.

Ok. Ok. Ive rambled enough. Thank you for reading! Any input is greatly appreciated! Thank you!

Exploded Bird, easy. And probably a Lion secondary with a very social Badger secondary model that’s working well for you.

[whocalledhimannux]

@peregrer the What. 👀👀👀 *insert John Mulaney gif of "say more right now"*

ok so when I say "the extent to which I've fleshed out the QT GBBO AU in my head is getting to be embarrassing," I truly and deeply mean it, please enjoy 1,900 words of utter ridiculousness.

first, our competitors:

Legarus - performs so poorly that viewers are a bit confused how he got on the show in the first place, a la Jamie (series 10) or that one guy who made a lime and chocolate cake in the first week.

Chloe - nice flavors and good ideas for decorations, but pretty sloppy. was up for elimination in the first week but came back with a great showstopper.

Melheret - good but not as good as he thinks he is (hence his bread week elimination because of sloppy technique), heavy-handed with the alcohol flavoring

Agape - solid competitor, not flashy but tasty + pretty results. I haven't worked out exact week-by-week themes (that would indeed be Too Much) but I imagine this is something like "Dairy" or "Caramel" or "Vegan," some particular element she just happens to not be strong on. viewers are disappointed by her early elimination

Teleus - Dad contestant. brings in a bunch of weird pans and gadgets he made up himself, does pretty well until it comes to Fiddly Foreign Foods he doesn't know (probably eliminated in French or Patisserie week)

Laela - typically has good flavors and pretty designs but technical knowledge is a bit lacking, so there are usually some flaws in the execution and she's often in the bottom half of technicals

Phresine - Grandma contestant. nails the classics but ultimately isn't creative enough to make it further.

Magus - the "Ian (series 6)" flavor of Dad contestant, often brings in foraged ingredients or eggs from his own chickens or whatnot and revives old recipes/flavor combinations no one else knows about. one week, some of those turn out to just be too weird, leading to his elimination.

Sophos - pretty elaborate decorations and good flavors (on the border of classic and new), but he tends to try a million different embellishments on everything and struggles with timing, occasionally to the detriment of technique.

Kamet - always has really interesting and different flavors and tends to do well in technicals especially, assuming he doesn't get overwhelmed. which is... an assumption (Finalist)

Costis - leans towards classic and indulgent flavors, although sometimes a bit sloppy--the kind of contestant where the judges look at his dishes and say "it's a bit of a mess" and then Paul Hollywood starts laughing because it still tastes delicious (Finalist)

Irene - absolutely stunning visually, queen of the technicals, occasionally gets the "style over substance" warning (Winner)

more details below the cut

I've gone back and forth on whether Eugenides should be in it but ultimately I decided no because I wanted to maintain a pre-show relationship between Laela + Kamet (I thought otherwise at first but then I realized I hadn't left Kamet any longterm friends or family for his finalist video and that's depressing af) and Irene and Sophos which to my knowledge hasn't happened once on the show so far? so having a married couple on top of that seems like it would be a stretch, and also then I think I'd need to make Eugenides the winner on principle and you know what? he can stand to be second fiddle to his wife for a little bit. My alternate backstory for him is that he was actually the winner of MasterChef one year (good with knives), so in the first episode Irene's first little chat to camera is something like "my husband's been bugging me for years to try out and I keep telling him he's got a skewed perspective on cooking competitions, finally I applied just to shut him up... and here we are." Her little video introduction is about how baking is a stress relief from her bigshot job. Her decorations tend to be abstract and gorgeous rather than cutesy.

Kamet, likewise, was nagged into applying by Laela, but she very cleverly framed it as she wanted to apply and wanted him to do it to for moral support. both were confident the other would get in and surprised that they did themselves. This is one of those series where everyone's friendships are immediate and obvious and super adorable (cast of series 10 my beloved...), and in particular these two are holding hands in episode 1. Laela's deep blue robe from TaT sticks in my head for whatever reason so I imagine her making an elaborate blue peacock cake or something one week that wins her star baker. somebody always does a peacock something and it's always impressiev.

Phresine is cool as a cucumber under pressure, always has lovely things to say about everyone else's bakes, and is the go-to last-minute helper because she usually comes in under the time. Irene starts out similar but as the weeks go by she starts to feel the pressure a bit more and cuts it a bit close. Sophos is the worst on timings, and mentions his wife at least once an episode. (I also played with him being single on the show and meeting Helen later through Irene and Eugenides, but this idea is too cute to pass up tbh.) Teleus lives with Relius, a fact that isn't mentioned until a few weeks in when he comments that Relius likes a recipe or gave him an idea for a flavor or something (Relius does not bake himself but will happily sample practice bakes), to the surprised delight of every viewer whose favorite contestant is the oldest gay in any given series (me, me, that person is me).

Costis tends to use a lot of chocolate and, as I said, pretty "classic" flavors--one of those people who makes a full English savory bake at some point. He's usually in the top half of the competition but doesn't get the top until one of the later weeks in the competition, which is a Honey themed week, and he absolutely nails it. The delicate decorations of his honey nut cakes and his use of honeycomb are particularly praised and that's the week he gets star baker. One of those bakers who flirts with elimination the first few weeks but noticeably improves over the course of the show.

My most, like, plot-y ideas are about Kamet (SHOCKER). I imagine he was born in Setra (I usually make Setra a non-autonomous region in my AUs) but arrived in Britain as a child due to [Unspecified Crisis] and ended up with foster dad Jeffa, who was roughly from the same region but not Setra itself; whenever Kamet wanted Setran food as a kid, Jeffa would take him to the library to find recipes and that was what sparked his love of baking. He's well-read on the subject and knows about foods from a lot of different cultures, so he's usually heard of the technical challenges even if he hasn't made or eaten them. He does a lot of fusion flavors, and is ALL ABOUT bread week.

I don't usually make the his-relationship-with-Nahuseresh-is-romantic leap in modern AUs but I think it works for this one because of the nature of the format--Nahuseresh doesn't actually appear on camera but is alluded to once or twice, ends up being Very Displeased that Kamet is doing something for himself, and during the week following Laela's elimination they have the fight that makes Kamet realizes this is actually a terrible relationship and he needs to leave now. He calls Laela to let her know what's up and mentions that, since he'll need to stay in a motel and has presumbly lost his job as a secretary (yeah working for your boyfriend is Bad, he's realized that now), he's going to have to drop out of the show. Laela, despite living in a studio flat without room to host him, immediately thinks "um fuck that" and calls Costis, and within an hour Costis and Aris and a few rugby buddies have moved all of Kamet's things into Costis and Aris's flat, where Costis insists that he'll squeeze into Aris's room (they've shared before, it's fine) and that Kamet gets first dibs on the kitchen for all bake off practices.

None of them actually reveal any of this to the show's producers. Kamet gets a little overwhelmed the following week and nearly walks away from the tent, but Costis jumps in to keep his bake from being ruined, and some soothing words from Irene + the hosts calm him down and he returns to finish. The only mention of the Drama comes in the finale, during the longer video clips they do on each of the contestants. Kamet is deliberately vague about the details of the situation, but Aris shows up in both Costis's and Kamet's videos and references the fact that having TWO flatmates in the bake off is a bit difficult because they only have a standard size kitchen, so he hasn't cooked for himself in a month and has been living off cake and savory breads. one of the hosts talks to Kamet in the tent after that clip is shown and he still won't talk about it in more detail, but says that he wanted to tell people so they could appreciate why Costis hasn't practiced as much the last few weeks (the judges scolded him for winging it a couple of times), and admits that he totally copied some of Costis's techniques for honey week based on watching him at home.

I imagine the finale task is something like an illusion cake--probably with a bunch of additional required elements because the show has been going bonkers with the finale showstoppers in the newer seasons--and Irene wins with a jewelry box containing, among other things, ruby earrings made out of candy. Kamet does a stepwell, and Costis does something architectural (I was thinking castle but something visibly Greek-ish so maybe a temple or a megaron? idk). Irene wins but they're all BFFs and that's obvious, so everyone's delighted for her. The little montage at the end reveals that Irene + Gen are expecting twins, that everybody hangs out all the time, and that Costis + co recently helped Kamet move into his own flat where he's now working on a novel (Immakuk and Ennikar inspired, obvi, leaning heavily on the honey-shared-on-the-road thing and including some recipes that actually work in the narration, albeit still written in an ancient-novel-like-way).

[Obviously not part of the show, but when Kamet mentions that it's time for him to look for his own place, Costis tries to v awkwardly invite him to stay forever and Kamet is like "nope I've got to try this on my own but yes we will go on a date once I've moved out and see how it goes from there."]

[This is so far beyond the scope of the show but also several of them go on to have more baking-related careers and have active social media presences and at one point they're all hanging out and Eugenides pulls out a camera and demands they all produce baking pick-up lines. Teleus refuses and also doesn't believe anyone knows baking pick-up lines off the top of their head or could make them up on the spot. Sophos sort of proves him right by coming up with "you're the apple of my pie," which Eugenides instantly mocks because Sophos's three greatest loves are baking, Helen, and poetry, and that's the best he can do? Helen comes up with "I like my cake the way I like my men--rich, sweet, and bright red," to which Sophos blushes on cue. Irene's is "when I'm with you, I feel like chocolate heated to 50 degrees--I struggle to maintain my temper." Eugenides protests this is more like an anti-pickup line. Irene insists this is the most accurate marriage-related baking pun anyone could ever come up with.

[Laela's is "You and I are like custard--I hope we never split." Kamet's is "You remind me of bread, because I knead you." Costis freezes for a minute and finally comes up with "Fancy a cream horn?" which produces a lot of giggling and makes Kamet slap his arm in such a way that, hen Eugenides posts this video to instagram, fans of the show all go WAIT ARE THEY DATING NOW] [by this point, yes they are] [I didn't even have to google baking pickup lines for this, guys, I legit came up with them on my own, please clap.]

am I obsessed? I might be obsessed

[degeneratekitten]

The reeducation of a King

!!!WARNING!!! Read the tags before continuing. If any of the tags upset you then you probably wont like it when it happens in the story.

This story was one of the first asks I got, I started it, but never finished, so here we go.

The woman in front of you looked incredibly tired. She had bags under her eyes, her skin was pale, and she looked like she was on the verge of a mental breakdown. Truthfully you had yet to even inform her that the King Lamia she had rescued off the street was classified more as a hunting type bitty. She’d been under the assumption, like many people who came to you with rescues, that all bitties could be kept like pets.

“So he’s gotten possessive of you, and he started trying to control your life?” You questioned making sure that you’d gotten her story straight.

“Yes!” She sighed, looking almost on the verge of tears. “I had to slip tranquilizers in his food so I could come here! He goes absolutely berserk if I leave his sight for even a moment, and he refuses to let me decide where we go!” She cried, soundly more and more like an abused spouse than a distraught pet owner. To be fair, this was an abusive relationship, one you would be more than willing to remedy. “He also always tries to tell me what kind of underwear I should wear and gets mad when I don't wear them!”

“That's very troubling.” You nodded, before inquiring about an important question. “How was it that he got so much control over you?”

The woman opened her mouth to answer only to snap her mouth shut again in a frown. She didn't seem to have an answer.

“I… I can't remember…” She mused, before continuing. “I guess I didn't realize it at first, but over time he just got worse and worse, and somehow he convinced me that it would all be ok if I did this, or that. He started getting threatening, baring his teeth whenever I even suggested doing something he didn't want. I was afraid he’d somehow escape his cage at night and kill me, so I just did what he wanted. I figured this was just a part of rescuing bitties. It wasn't until last week when he started to demand I stop seeing my mother that I realized how weird everything was. He’s a pet, not a boyfriend, and I won’t be controlled by a pet!” She stated, seeming to come to a firm resolution in her own mind.

You nodded at her. “I see, so I think I know how this all started. “ You smiled, giving the woman a look that seemed to calm her down.

“What?” She asked, fully invested in what you were going to say.

“You see, bitties are separated into two different types, ones that are pets, and others that are meant for more, violent situations. Lamia’s with venom are generally meant to be either guards, or exterminators. Your King is the former. His breed was designed to protect an owner, staying vigilant for all threats both physical and mental. Where this all went wrong is because your King was born and bred in the wild, where a lot of the original designs and personalities of bitties have changed.” The woman looked incredibly interested in what you were saying. Fully invested and curious, you loved customers like this.

“So his idea of protection involves being controlling?” She asked just waiting for you to elaborate.

“Yes and no. His ideas about protection are skewed more in favor of breeding. If he has a partner he has to hide them away so they can't get taken by another bitty or human. He has to provide everything for them then, food, shelter, warmth, stimulation, everything. The problem with a lot of bitties in recent generations is that their predisposition to be reliant on humans still applies even when they’re experiencing sexual urges. They expect and crave for their human owners to satisfy them sexually alongside everything else.” You watched as the woman's face twisted in disgust.

“Wait, so you’re saying that hes trying to fuck me?” She yelled, grossed out and shivered slightly. 

“In short, yes, he wants to fuck you.” You deadpanned watching as the woman hugged herself.

“That's so messed up!” She exclaimed, which made you chuckle.

“I agree, but magic is weird, and magical constructs with origins like bitties are even weirder. But anyways, there is a way to fix this. A way to uncross his wires so to say, and make him desire other bitties rather than you. Which in turn should ease a lot of the behavior towards you. After I do that he should be more receptive to my traditional training in learning how to act more in line with the original king lamia’s.” You finished, watching as relief seemed to wash over the woman.

“So what needs to be done to uncross those wires?” She asked, to which you chuckled. 

“Get him a mate.” You stated watching as the woman seemed to balk a little at how simple your answer was.

“Wait! It's that simple?! I could have done that myself.” She asked sitting up straight, shocked and a little giddy at the prospect. You laughed with her.

“Well, kind of, unfortunately if you get involved in the process and give him a new mate, he’d take it as a sign that he needs to fight the other bitty to mate with you. It’s better to let a third party do the introduction.”

“Oh… Well, if it gets him to stop wanting to fuck me I’m more than willing.” She smiled, seeming to realize that a huge weight was being lifted from her shoulder.

“So when can we start?” She added, looking at you with hope.

“Well first we have to pick out a new mate.”

-----

You’d gone over potential mates and your rates with the woman for the rest of the visit. You’d mentioned that a cherry would probably be best for the King, as they were incredibly meek and in need of the amount of attention that this particular King was ready to give, plus they weren't lamia so the chance of breeding while already small, was nearly impossible. The woman was excited over the idea, as she wanted a pet who was easier to cuddle with as opposed to her King who she had to keep far away from her sleeping arrangements. 

You’d made sure to explain fully to her why although she had the best of intentions, King’s were not traditionally pets, and she needed to treat him accordingly. She could keep him as part of her family and give him a better home off the streets, but she needed to be careful not to let him take charge of her life anymore as next time he probably would kill her. She ended up taking this to heart, nodding her head as you led her to the door. 

“I’ll make sure I read more on how I’m supposed to handle him.” She promised, leaving in her car. You’d set a date for that weekend to go and pick up the King, you needed a few days to get a suitable cherry and set up an area in which you could do everything that needed to be done.

---

Meeting the King in question, Moriarty, as he had aptly named himself, was an occasion that was sure to be violent. You had a thick jumpsuit on, with extra layers covering your arms and legs, combat boots your husband had bought you just for these situations, and heavy duty handling gloves on so he couldn’t bite you. You had some safety goggles on as well in case he tried to spit at you, and even your neck was covered by a long collar from your jumpsuit. You didn't take any chances with violent venomous lamia’s especially ones who had reason to believe that you were a threat. You’d nearly lost your brother that way when he’d insisted on trying to calm a venomous lamia without gear. He’d been in the hospital for two weeks and aptly served as yet another reminder that protection bitties were not to be taken lightly.

Your husband was dressed beside you in a similar getup, and he had insisted on taking at least one Squadron bitty with the two of you, said bitty was currently standing at military attention waiting for you to give him orders. He wore camo like most squadron bitties, with a black shirt, ripped off sleeves, a pair of smaller dog tags and miniature combat boots and a knife. He didn't have his ecto flesh summoned so his outfit was a little baggy. His dark green eyelights were focused on you, while his arms were situated behind his back.

You had planned to use magic if things got too bad, but it was always good to have a backup plan.

Squadrons were very similar to Edgies in terms of vocabulary and humor, the only real difference being that they were never overtly hostile to anyone outside of combat. They made dirty jokes all the time and cursed like sailors, but never called you cunt or assface unless they were set out to kill you.

“I’ll need you to stay outside until we give you a signal.” You said to the bitty, watching as he gave a toothsome grin and saluted you in response.

“Just gimmie da signal an I’ll rip em up ma'am.” He replied, forgoing his usual vulgar vocabulary in lieu of a more respectful tone. He gave you a nod as well to tell you not to worry about him and you turned towards your husband with a pleased expression.

“You said this is your best one so far? I’m impressed! He didn't even cuss at me!” You praised watching your husband's face light up.

“Yeah, he used to cuss more than the others but I straightened him out real quick, nothing a little friendly competition couldn't solve.”

Chuckling you turned your attention back towards the door again, and steeling yourself for the worst you knocked on the door. Hopefully she’d managed to tranquilize her king.

“Hello! We’re here today for Miss Shelby! We’re here to pick up the package like we discussed yesterday.

“*GASP* MOTHER! HOW DARE YOU! I TOLD YOU NOT TO GO OUTSIDE! YOU DISOBEYED ME!” You heard the loud, unmistakable shriek of the problematic bitty then a mumble in response before there was a loud crash and the shriek of a woman. Worried that maybe the King had gotten more violent, you tested the doorknob, relieved to find it unlocked.

“Hello, Miss Shelby! I’m coming in!” You shouted, before bursting into the home.

What you saw caused adrenaline to surge through you.

The king in question was wrapped tightly around Shelby’s arm, hood spread out,tail swishing agitated, and teeth bared. He was on the verge of attacking.

Looking at Shelby you could tell how nervous, how terrified she was as she stared at the King’s teeth. You noticed that a plate of noodles lay shattered on the floor.

“Oh thank god.” Shelby breathed out, relieved to see you.

“WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE! BARGING IN HERE! MOTHER TELL THEM TO LEAVE!” The king hissed, moving itself so he was partially wrapped around Shelby’s neck, he had placed himself right next to Shelby’s ear with his teeth still bared and from what you could tell, his fangs were already secreting venom. He was very ready to bite.

“M-m-m-mori! She’s a guest, I invited her over for dinner!” Shelby tried to explain, earning herself a shriek in the ear.

“I DIDN'T GIVE PERMISSION FOR THAT! WE AREN'T ACCEPTING COMPANY! TELL HER TO LEAVE!” Moriarty screeched, tail seeming to tighten around her neck.

Shelby moved to try and loosen the tail only to earn a menacing hiss from the king, your eyes widened a bit as you tried to think of the best course of action. 

Moving towards her would probably cause him to tighten his grip, talking could yield good results but with how agitated he was it would probably only buy you time before he bit her. Maybe if you challenged him he would take the bait, but you couldn't do that if you wanted him to respond to you in training.

Suddenly you were incredibly glad that your husband had insisted on bringing a squadron bitty. The king would probably never see it again, and it would leave you in a neutral position from which to train the king.

You clicked your tongue at the king, not making any sudden movement, he hissed at the sound, and seemed to be hyper focused on you, before its attention snapped to the door, as a bulked up squadron bitty stormed in.

“The fuck is this cunt ordering ya round for!?” The squadron bitty bellowed, he was still minimal size, but you yourself knew better than to underestimate him.

“WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS! LEAVE MY TERRITORY AT ONCE INSOLENT CRETIN!” The King hissed, attention snapping to the other bitty.

Shaking your head, you looked at the little squadron bitty and gave a firm order. “Nothing crazy.” You stated, watching as he frowned in displeasure.

“Fuckin fine. Yer not a lot a fun are ya.” He stated as he stepped forward, chest puffing out as he readied himself for a fight.

“FIGHT ME BITCH!” He screeched out simply at the king, using the most direct way in which to challenge the king.

Taking the bait immediately, the King slithered down in front of his owner, hood spread, and fangs dripping poison. You took a step back, and whispered at Shelby to slowly back away.

There wasn't much of a fight, the King lunged and ended up shot by a tranquilizer as the Squadron bitty jumped out of the way for your husband to get a clear shot of the King’s hood. 

You’d had these instant magic tranquilizers well before the pure bite incident, but they simply did not work on large bitties, they were meant for smaller bitties, and were tested extensively to work instantly said bitties. 

There was no need for an actual fight, and really the simplest solutions were generally the best. You nodded at the Squadron bitty, as he immediately made to restrain the King bitty and brought him over to you, where you put a special muzzle on its skull. After which the squadron dragged it by the tail to a pre-prepared cage.

Having completed your business, you turned towards Shelby, noticing how shocked she seemed. It wasn't uncommon, people tended to be shocked when the people, or “pets” in this instance, that had been tormenting them were taken down. You took the lead, grabbing a shock blanket that you had also, prepared ahead of time and wrapping it around her.

“Do you want me to call someone for you?” You asked, as you secretly examined her for any bites or cuts. Luckily the only injuries she had were bruises from where the king had squeezed her arm too tightly.

Shelby nodded dumbly at you, before grabbing her phone and scanning her finger to unlock it. “Could you… Call my mother… I was too scared to have her over before.” She said, then plopping down in a nearby seat.

You nodded at her. “I’ll wait with you until she gets here.” You said, before pressing the call button on the phone.

---

The very first step in rehabilitating the King wasn’t to immediately jump into training. It was a little different from that. You’d brought your client over after she’d calmed down in order for her to pick out one of the Cherries you’d set aside for the King. You’d set aside 5 of them, not that it really made much of a difference as they were all crying at the prospect of meeting someone new. Most bitties were identical, luckily there were” some notable differences between these cherries, mutations weren’t always bad.

The customer came in, and almost immediately grimaced at the crying Cherries. You’d warned her that they were high maintenance pets, but also assured her that with a King around a lot of the more intolerable aspects would almost certainly be enjoyed by the King.

She did however warm up to the Cherries after a little play time, and after finding out that one of the Cherries enjoyed eating literally ANYTHING, she picked that one in a heartbeat. She stated that she loved cooking new things and someone to enjoy new things with was something she struggled with.

After that she bonded for a short while, she left, she had wanted to hear the cherry say “mommy” before leaving but you insisted that that was a TERRIBLE idea.

After she left, you shoved a heat inducing gummy down a screaming Cherries throat and quite literally threw him into the pen with the King. If you heard hysterical pleas for help, and screams to “shut up slut.” You ignored them, that would sort itself out naturally.

---

You monitored the situation between the King and Cherry loosely. It went exactly as you expected it to. The King violently fucked the Cherry, while the Cherry simultaneously cried for more and pleaded for it to stop at the same time. 

By the end of the week long fuck fest there were no more pleas for stopping, only begging for more. Until finally, the King had firmly marked the Cherry as its own, and was holding it close and whispering as sweet of compliments as it could muster. The Cherry was crying, as usual, but at the offer of food it had accepted the King as its mate. 

You waited another week, allowing the King to thoroughly fuss over the Cherry and fuck away its excess of aggression, before entering the pen. You entered with food, eyeing the King to make sure he didn't pounce. He has significantly calmed down, instead of hissing and threatening he stared at you warily while he held his wide eyed mate close. You set the food down, and nodded.

“I see you enjoy the mate I’ve prepared for you.” You stated, watching as the King’s head tilted to the side as he questioned the implications of that statement.

You left before he could question you. Letting the tranquilizers in the food take effect before you went to collect your newest project.

---

The King awoke in a cage alone while a hysterical Cherry cried as it reached out to him from a cage opposite of him.

You didn't have gloves on as you opened the cage of the Cherry, and you would never admit to smiling at the reaction of the King as you roughly handled the Cherry.

“RELEASSSSSSE MY MATE AT ONCE INSSSSSOLENT HUMAN!” He hissed, utterly incensed at the handling of his new mate. You shook your head, and placed the Cherry on a table, he cowered into your hand, hiding his face as he reached for his mate, but at the same time he still recognized you as a human to trust, you’d bottle fed him after all.

“Ppp-please I want to be with Mori.” He pleaded with you hugging your thumb as his tears colored the edge of his sockets.

You replied softly. “I know, but we have to correct some of his behavior first.” You replied as you shook him off.

He landed on his behind, more tears welling up in his eyes. Before you grabbed a shock collar, and placed it around the neck of the Cherry.

“What’s this’ moAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!” You wasted absolutely no time in shocking the Cherry, watching as its tears pooled on the table, and pissed soaked down its bare legs. The king had thoroughly destroyed any clothing that had been on the Cherry in its vigor. You could make out the small cuts on its form, the first few days had been incredibly rough in terms of sex, not enough to kill the Cherry, but certainly enough that you wondered why it wasnt terrified of the King.

The Cherry flopped on the table, while you looked at the King who’s hood was spread as he hissed, spit and thrashed about in his cage. It was bolted down so there was no way for him to tip it, but it was still quite the sight.

Nodding in satisfaction you placed the sobbing Cherry back in his cage across from the King, where he reached out desperately towards the Cherry intent on comfort, even if that wasn’t his strong suit.

“RELEASSSSE ME AT ONCCCCE! I MUSST COMFORT MY MATE!” He screeched at the same time trying to thrash his tail to strike out at you.

“No comfort will come to your Cherry until we have fixed your behaviors.” You hummed, as you pulled on thick arm coverings and gloves. You approached the King’s cage and unlatched it, grasping around the King’s throat as he attempted to bite your outstretched hand through the gloves. A calculated move in order to direct him as you pleased. 

You wrestled with the King for a while, rolling your eyes and smashing him against the table as he refused to loosen his bite. The King went limp for just a moment while you strapped him to the table with special restraints. His skull wasn't even cracked as you’d gone easy on him, it also helped that his breed was tougher than the pet variety. 

Being strapped down by his neck made the king easier to handle, even when he snapped out of his daze and began to thrash again, this time though without the threat of fangs. It was easy for you to pin down his tail and arms down long enough to strap them to the table. 

This was all just a show of force, to prove that she could do whatever she wanted to his mate, and he could do nothing about it. She needed him as violent as possible in response to threats to his mate, she needed him to stall in relation to his street taught values, if only so she could delete them.

You finished strapping him to the table, and picked up the remote to your mini shock collar, pausing for a moment and wondering if you should maybe start with pulling teeth first. However you needed a far more compliant King than you had currently, and it helped that the Cherry’s cries were beginning to grate on your nerves.

Looking over at the Cherry you sighed, it was still crying, smelly and pitiful as it cowered in the corner furthest from you and the King, too petrified of the violence to move. You waved the button in front of the king who hissed at the sight.

“DO NOT HARM MY MATE YOU WORTHLESSSSSS HUMAN!” He screeched, as you shook your head and pressed the button. As expected the sight of his mate in pain sent him into a frenzy, he spit, while you mocked him for his inability to do anything. You approached the cage of the Cherry intent on subduing the King in the most effective way possible.

“NOOOOOOO!” The King continued to screech. While the Cherry recovered from the shock cowered and begged for you not to hurt him. Of course, that wouldn't happen.

You carefully took the soiled Cherry out of his cage once more, and placed him next to the King, the King seemed to calm as the Cherry strained for its mate. You let them reunite for a moment, if only to grab a bitty sized dental gag and pry the King's mouth open. Once successful, despite the Cherry’s begging. You once more picked up the Cherry, and placed his hand into the King’s mouth, before carefully pricking him with the King’s fangs. 

The unholy screech of the King was nothing like the ones before. His venom was incredibly effective, and on a creature as small as the Cherry its effect was seen immediately. 

Pale faced and beginning to flush redder than normal, the Cherries tears became more frantic. He blubbered the same as normal as he tried to free himself from your grasp. Plopping him next to the King you pressed the button of the shock collar again and held. Looking the King straight in the eyes as it began to cry red tears. There was no understanding past the dental gag. But you knew well enough what was going on. A sinister smile graced your lips as you turned away from the king, taking the Cherry with you as you left the room. As far as the King knew, his mate was dead, dead by its own hand.

---

You returned shortly, having cured the Cherry from the King’s venom and stalled it in order to erase its memory of the training. Standard practice for once a bitty had been fully trained, the training would remain while the memory did not, no risk of blabbing to customers who really had no idea what was happening. It was necessary as while you trained the King the Cherry would bond with its new mother.

The King was still sobbing as you returned, and you used the lack of struggle to your advantage.

“It's a shame he had to die because of you.” You egged on, watching as the King seemed to deflate even further. You took that moment to put on your gloves and remove the restraints. The King didn't attack, and your smile was as venomous as the King as you removed the dental gag.

“WHY?” The King asked, and you couldn't help but chuckle, as you started to stroke its head soothingly, as you spit out harsh words. “That's because you are a bad bitty. A horrible protector.” The king flinched at that but immediately you turned it around. “But still so brave, and handsome.” Of course, the contrary information stilled the King, stalling him, and allowing you to reach for his AI, and stroke it. His eyelights buzzed a little, as you wiped away his need to monopolize his mate, his “charges.” There was of course more work to be done, but he would be too grief stricken to struggle. Just the way you needed him. You supposed it was about time to pull out some teeth.

---

By the time your bitty behavioral therapy was done, the King was a model example of a protection bitty. He was still a horribly bossy creature, but he no longer insisted on isolating his charges or displayed sexual desires outside of for his mate. He focused entirely on “protecting” and only grew violent when there was sufficient threat.

Meanwhile, the Cherry had not stopped crying for his mate until he met his new mother. He was of course still sad, but as most pet variety bitties are ought to do, the introduction of a new mommy or daddy tends to cheer them up instantly. Which was good, as the Chery, newly dubbed Sebastian, had sufficient time to bond with his new mother without the interference of a mate. The client learned easily to care for a Cherry, while also undergoing coaching from the rancher in order to be an effective King owner. 

On the day that the King was to return to his owners care. The owner had been nervous, she had lost confidence in owning bitties, and while Sebastian had helped, it still did not erase the nervousness she felt even after 2 months.

“I’m not sure about taking him back.” She stated, holding the Cherry close to her heart, he was as usual, teary eyed, but at the words of his owner, he burst into hysterics.

“Nooo!!! Mommy please I want Mori back! Please let me see Mori!” He begged, rubbing his snot covered face into her shirt. The owner seemed to deflate at this, and sighed, rubbing her Cherries back in reassurance. While you marveled at the fact that he was still suffering from some sort of stockholm syndrome.

“We’ll just have to see for now.” She said, and looked at you for reassurance. 

“You really don't have to worry.” You replied, voice chipper. “He’s nothing like he was before, you’ll be safer with him now than you would be without. He’s a model King, the perfect guard for any home.” You made your way towards the back noting the wariness of your client, but you stood by what you said, Moriarty was a model King, with all the coaching you’d given Shelby there was no reason to worry anymore.

Making your way into the back you spotted Moriarty in his enclosure, he was sunning himself as you approached. There was no sign of pulled teeth, skinned tails, or broken bones anywhere on him, and he only flinched slightly at the sound of your voice.

“Your mothers ready to see you now.” You sang watching the King light up and practically shoot to your outstretched arm. He curled himself around your arm, vibrating with anticipation at the prospect of seeing his mother again. You hummed in satisfaction as you made your way back to where Shelby was waiting.

The Cherry fell to the floor as he threw himself out of his mothers arms, he fell with a thwack, chanting Mori as he ran to you. The King very nearly pounced at the Cherry, he had tears in his eyes and seemed shocked and elated to see his mate. Although the Cherry's supposed ‘death’ had been erased from his mind he still had thought his mate dead, thus the tears. Before he could rush to his mate you held your hand up. “Stop.” You commanded, preventing the King who was practically vibrating from going to his mate. He was restless and voiced his immense displeasure. “YOU MUST LET ME GO SEE IF MY MATE IS HARMED!” He practically screeched into your ear, but still stayed still, causing Shelby’s eyes to widen in shock. She would have never imagined that the previously unruly and violent King would become so obedient, even if he was still incredibly bossy.

The Cherry at your feet practically hugged your leg as he cried and pleaded for his mate to come to him, you stopped walking forward before your punted him across the room, and smiled warmly at Shelby even as Moriarty squirmed on your shoulders as he looked between his mate and his mother, frustration growing as he stayed put, as you were gesturing for him to.

The cries of the Cherry became background noise as you spoke to Shelby. “As you can see, he’s fully trained now. All you need to do is handle him like I taught you and he’ll respond appropriately.”

“YOU MUST LET ME DOWN NOW!” The king snapped, as he crossed his arms, still waiting for permission. Nothing could change his bossy tone, but he still could be trained to behave.

Your customer sputtered for a bit, before she seemed to snap out of it. “Oh… Um… Yes… Come here.” She said, and gestured with her hands as you’d taught her for her previously unruly King to come.

The response was instant, he practically lept from your arm, disregarding the Cherry, albeit patting him on the head as he passed, and basically leapt into the outstretched hand that his ‘mother’ had out for him. He practically purred at the contact with his ‘mother’, nuzzling her arm affectionately as he hugged her arm, shocking her while at the same time earning a smile.

“I AM VERY CROSS WITH YOU MOTHER! YOU DO NOT KNOW HOW MUCH I MISSED YOU!” The King stated, holding on firmly to his mothers arms as he stared longingly at the crying Cherry that was running and trying to climb up his mothers leg.

“I can see that.” She answered, smile wide and tears coloring the side of her eyes.

“NOW I MUST INSIST THAT WE COMFORT MY MATE!” He screeched, looking down at Sebastian with longing. Which in turn caused his owner to laugh and reach down to pick up the crying Cherry.

“There we go, the whole family’s together, Sebastian, Moriarty and mommy!” She cried, sniffling as Moriarty kissed the forehead of his crying mate.

“Thank you so much!” She cried, as she walked over to you and shook your hand. “I can’t believe how much he’s changed! Thank you! I can’t thank you enough!” 

Grinning ear to ear, you replied. “Really, it was my pleasure.”

[shieldwinter]

Walk the Line (A Stucky Marriage Fic)

A short Stucky fic, prompt coming from @magneticbucky! I hope you enjoy it! 

Bucky stared at himself in the mirror, reaching to adjust his tie for the umpteenth time that day. It continued to look crooked, skewed just the slightest bit to the right, not laying correctly down his chest. He huffed, and tugged on the fabric again, panic welling up in his chest at the idea of not looking perfect. He had to look his best. He was getting married today, after all. 

“Nat,” his voice came out as a whine, carrying over to the woman sitting comfortably in one of the various plush chairs in the changing room. At the call of her name, she stood up and walked over to him, the smallest of smiles playing on her lips.  “Have you never tied your own tie before?” She asked, a perfect eyebrow raised. He offered a shrug.

“I don’t remember how,” Bucky admitted, knowing he looked a bit lost as he glanced down at the navy blue tie, resting stark against the white of his dress shirt.  “It’s been so long since I had to dress up for any kind of occasion. Let alone… this.” His voice was strained, he was nervous. He didn’t know why, it was his wedding day after all. People always spoke about this being the best day of your life, but he was blatantly scared.  Scared of messing up, tripping over his own feet. Scared of forgetting his vows, and having Steve take one good look at him and change his mind, right then and there. 

“Relax,” Natasha piped up, tugging at the poorly tied knot of his tie, loosening the fabric so she could retie it properly. “I can smell smoke from here. You’re overthinking everything again. Steve loves you. He wouldn’t have asked you to marry him if he didn’t, James.”  Her words were reassuring. She always took perspective, and laid it out plain for him. It was why he asked her to walk him down the aisle — she was simply the best candidate. Ever since coming back to himself, Natasha had been that solid presence in his life, as well as Steve’s. He was eternally grateful to her. 

“Just, what if, after all of this, it doesn’t work?” He asked, and she sighed, looking at him with hopeless fondness in her green eyes.  “James, you two have been through hell together, and you’ve both stuck around. Sure, sometimes it was hard, but Steve never gave up on you. Don’t discredit him by thinking he’ll turn away now.” 

She was right. He shouldn’t worry so much. He knew, deep in his heart that Steve has always loved him, and he never wavered. Even when Bucky wasn’t himself, even when he couldn’t remember a lick of his childhood with Steve, and the war. Steve loved him when they were trading blows on the helicarrier, when he was chasing him across Europe.  Steve loved him. And he loved Steve, unconditionally. 

“You’re ready,” Natasha said, stepping away to take in the sight of him dressed in a white tux, a navy blue tie the only splash of colour on him. It was different — Bucky used to wearing darker colours in shades of black and greys — but it was Wanda’s suggestion for him to wear white. He thought he looked like the bride, but he was the one walking down the aisle — so maybe it was fitting.  “Am I?” He asked, reaching a hand up to brush at a loose piece of hair that had fallen from its bun. 

“You clean up nice. Now, come on. There’s a man waiting to marry you, and he’s probably more nervous than you.” That garnered a small chuckle out of Bucky, and he nodded, holding out his arm for Natasha to take. She looped hers easily through his, and led him out of the changing room into the hall — at the end stood the large wooden doors that would be opened to the ceremony room, where Steve waited for him. Where Steve waited to marry him. He could do this. It’s all he’s ever wanted, and he could do this. 

Bucky heard the beginnings of music, instrumental to an old tune that he could clearly remember playing on a beaten up radio in a run down apartment. It made him smile, and the doors were opened for him. The wedding was small, just a few rows of white chairs set up for their circle of friends — and those people rose to their feet at the sight of him. Natasha gave a squeeze to his bicep, and they began their walk together down the aisle.  Bucky’s eyes fleeted around, breathing heavy as they finally found Steve. God, were his eyes shining with tears? They looked glassy — even from here. He was dressed in a complimentary suit to his own, navy blue with a white tie. His blond hair was slicked back, away from his face and he looked beautiful. Simply beautiful. Steve was always a work of art. 

Beside Steve stood Sam, his gapped tooth smile broad, encouraging as he met Bucky’s eyes. Steve wasted no time in asking Sam to be his best man, and Bucky understood why. He was a solid presence, probably the only person who could keep Steve calm in his time away from Bucky while they prepared for the ceremony. 

“This is it,” Natasha said lowly, the distance between them and Steve closing quickly. His knees felt like they would give at any moment, but his pride kept him up right.  Soon, Natasha was handing him off, Steve’s hand stretched out to take Bucky’s metal one in his own. His grip was tight, knuckles white as he pulled Bucky up the one step to stand across from him. He was crying. 

“You look… good Buck.” Steve softly spoke, voice strained with emotion.  “Not so bad yourself,” he replied, amazed at his ability to speak without wavering. 

There was a ripple, as everyone sat down, and the minister they sought out to marry them opened a book.  “We are gathered here today to witness the joining of two hearts, two souls in matrimony. The couple have decided to write, and speak their own vows here today, so Steven, go ahead and begin.” 

The deep breath Steve took was visible by the rising of his shoulders. He stood straighter, and gazed down at Bucky with the softest look in his eyes. “Bucky, James,” he began, Bucky’s real name sounding odd coming from his lips. “You are… the light of my life. You have been for as long as I can remember, and I remember everything. You were a beacon, and I was just a moth seeking out that flame. The day you waltzed into my life, with all the swagger a boy on a schoolyard could possess, I knew you were the one I wanted by my side.  When we were young, it wasn’t possible. The feelings I had for you were looked down upon, were labelled as wrong. But how could love be wrong? How could my desire to stay by your side, fight by your side, be wrapped up in your embrace be unjust?” Steve’s eyes drifted closed, a pained expression fleeting across his face, and Bucky wanted nothing more than to kiss that pain away — but he held firm, and waited.  “When you died, I realised how much of my heart truly belonged to you. I didn’t have any direction anymore, no one to point me north or south, no one to be that beacon.  But then, somehow, we found each other again. And it was hard at first, knowing the pain you went through, knowing I wasn’t the man you needed then and there. But Bucky, my love never wavered.”

“Bucky Barnes, I vow to you that I will protect you. I vow that whatever hardships come our way, I will traverse them with you. I vow today, and forever more that I will love you unconditionally, through thick and thin.  You are my beacon, you are the love of my life, and I’m with you ‘til the end of the line.” 

He couldn’t breathe. God, he couldn’t breathe through the tears that welled in his throat, that clouded his vision. Steve just spoke everything Bucky had ever wanted to hear, and more.  He loved this man. He loved this man so much, it was painful, it was monumental. 

“Steven,” his voice cracked, and he had to swallow heavily before he could even begin getting the rest of his sentence out.  “I made a promise to myself that day on the schoolyard that this little twig of a boy would be the one I would go through hell for, and pal lemme tell you — I did. But I wouldn’t want it any other way.  You were the personification of hope, and belonging. You welcomed me, and all my roughness with a grace only an angel could possess. You were no angel though, don’t let that go to your head. You fought things twice your size at least once a week, and I really thought you’d be the end of me, but I’d go down with so much love in my heart that I could never be mad.  I loved you, through sickness and health, quite literally.  When I went to war, my heart felt like it was gone from my chest — because that heart is you. It’s always been you.”

“The day I should have died I came to grips with it quite quickly. I was grateful, because it was me and not you. I was grateful that you would get to go on, and live for the both of us. But now, standing here with you, I understand that it will never be one or the other, because Steven Rogers I vow that everything we do, we do together. I vow to protect you, and support you through the worst of times, and the best. I vow to be on your six, through whatever wars we face in the future. I vow, that when we do reach the end of the line, it’ll be together, because I can’t imagine a life without you in it.” 

Steve’s tears left steady tracks down his cheeks, but he made no motion to try and wipe them away, and Bucky was grateful — his cheeks wet as well. 

“Do you, Steven Grant Rogers, take James Buchanan Barnes, through sickness and health, until death do you part, to be your husband?”

“I do,” Steve’s words held such conviction, it rocked Bucky deep to his core. 

“And do you, James Buchanan Barnes, take Steven Grant Rogers, through sickness and health, until death do you part, to be your husband?”

“I do,” Bucky said, offering a nod, as if that’ll make the confirmation more firm, more real. 

“Then by the power invested in me, I now pronounce you husbands. You may now share a kiss,” the minister said, and it was Steve who surged forward, cradling Bucky’s face between his hands and pressing a firm kiss to his lips. It was tear soaked, and the most joyful thing Bucky had ever experienced. 

“I love you. God, I love you so much.” Bucky said when they pulled apart, the cheers around the room drowning out as he gazed into Steve’s baby blues. “‘Til the end of the line Buck. I mean it,” Steve whispered, arms wrapping firmly around him. 

FIN. 

[exploding-carrots]

I’ve been wanting to draw or write out my ‘future’ Bottom ideas for a while but haven’t gotten around to it. So here’s a long post of some head canons and a general story line of them vaguely developing as people at some point set after the live shows. If anything this is just sort of my personal AU for the characters getting together. Mostly focused on the progression of Richie and Eddies relationship and my thoughts on both of them being trans

- They’re both trans, (a lot of Ades characters give me trans dudes vibes but that is 70% me wanting to time travel and body swap w the man) Eddie is a bi trans dude (who medically transitioned young, but is not necessarily out as either) and Richie is a closeted/repressed bi trans woman who begins to come to terms w it during the whole island era

- Richie is also intersex, which while yeah is sort of canon in a mean way, is sort of important to me for the character 🤭 However she is not aware of the fact

- Eddie is dyslexic and has ADHD which both contribute to him struggling on and off (which was really just a gag they went with when funny) with reading/writing depending on how well he can focus on it at any given time (example: the Edies Bra sign vs the grave stone). I am not even going to attempt to say what is going on w Richie but the woman is a mess of unresolved issues and trauma complications

- After everything they go through in the live shows they do somehow make it back to the flat which is unexplainably the exact way they left it.

- Every single joke about Richie going off and fucking dudes from the live show is taken as fact. It is the most poorly kept secret amongst the cast. They literally do not talk about it unless Eddie is trying to make a point or piss off Richie

- Eventually Eddie IS trying to piss off Richie and does bring up everything about her sex life and the clothes, and... well everything else. After a ridiculous fight it somehow turns into an almost semi-serious conversation. Eddie makes the assumption that Richie is gay and Richie counters with the fact that she is genuinely interested in women but it’s a hell of a lot easier to get attention from specific types of men. Gets some wheels turning in both of their heads

- Personality wise they never really calm down, but they do start to slow down a little bit as it takes them longer and longer to recover from their fights. Obviously there is still the odd dart to the forehead or gentle push down the stairs but the ridiculous games and completions they make up take center stage

- they get weed at some point (Dave Hedgehog and Spudgun seems like a feasible source, because let’s be honest if Richie and Eddie tried to buy weed it would not work) that leads to all sorts of embarrassment because Eddie gets crossfaded as all get out and starts hitting on Richie. Which while having a precedent in their history (I mean, the first episode gives us that right away) takes on a new sort of meaning once the concept of bisexuality has been rolling around in their heads. Nothing particularly saucy happens at this point Bc they are high, drunk, and old but all of the actual acknowledgement of feelings start to really develop after this point

- in an attempt to do something with her time Richie picks up sewing and picks up where she left off with the wrap skirt and rubber underwear she made on the island. Starts to really develop the little wardrobe she wears when she’s alone. It’s a mix of the same awful button up shirts she always wears and some dresses and skirts along with a couple pairs of sexier (for Richie at least) under garments

- eventually Eddie comes home while Richie is still in her feminine clothing. Eddies Reaction is different from the first time he saw her dressed up that way since now there is a precedent. Eddies approach is much more “playful teasing” and fake surprise than it was previously.

- Slowly Richie starts dressing up around the flat more and more often as opposed to just when alone. Eddie ramps up with the pet names and husband/house wife dynamic they already had going on.

- THE MOMENT is when Eddie is leaving the flat to go to the bar and there is an ‘accidental’ kiss on the cheek along with his usual good byes. Eddie realizes what has happened immediately and bolts before Richie can say anything. Richie has a moment of “teehee that was nice” still in her little fucking house wife head space before it catches up w her.

- Richie panics, paces around the flat, gets changed like 8 times, cooks dinner, throws it away, takes it out of the trash, paces more, breaks like 8 things, and essentially just fluctuates between “Ooo Eddie fancies me” to “oh fuck the bastard is making fun of me again” to “it was an accident and Eddie is going to make it into a fight” back to “ooo Eddie fancies Me~”

- eventually Eddie comes home, pissed to hell and back way later than he’d normally come home. Richies passed out on the couch. Eddie wakes her up by pushing her over on the couch so he can sit. Eddie says something along the lines of “I’m fucking drunk so I’m only going to say this one” before saying some incomprehensible drunken rambling and pulling Richie into an awkward full kiss. It’s a nice moment for maybe about 5 seconds before he stands up again, pulls a pint out of his jacket, chugs it and says something about drunkenly passing out before doing just that across the coffee table.

- Richie just sort of gawks at Eddie sleeping across the table before giddily tossing a blanket over him and heading off to actually go to bed.

- relationship wise this really just sort of introduces a sexual/physical dynamic to their relation while ramping up their camp version of domestic life

- it’s Spudgun and Dave Hedgehog who actually say something to Eddie about it. They’ve always been in on the “oh look, it’s Eddies terrifying wife” thing. Probably only actually say something about it after the 2nd or 3rd actual display of physical affection they witness. It’s more of one of them asking Eddie if Richie really is his wife (in that half aware sort of way they observe things). This alone doesn’t change much, but it does takes a lot to get through to any of these repressed bastards

- Richie grows accustomed to the more feminine/soft pet names that Eddie uses for her. At one point Eddie uses more traditionally masculine terms which sets off “oh actually I am not a fan of that” in Richies head and leads her to asking Eddie to not refer to her that way. Leads to an awkward half coming out on Richies part. Eddie does genuinely switch up how he refers to Richie at this point and her gender just sort of becomes an silent fact that they both respect. Everyone else sort of knows them as those weirdos who have some sort of common law marriage going on and it’s not really questioned. This is the point where Richie starts to earnestly medically transition without really saying to much about, canonically she has been on estrogen pills before (even if it was a ‘mistake’)

- End game is essentially just them being casual about their identities and relationships in a unspoken sort of “well that’s just how it is” way that naturally sort of bleeds into a the other aspects of their lives.

- Additional note on Eddie being trans: Richie is already vaguely aware of this fact Bc obviously they’ve been seen what the other is working with at one point or another but the fact that she is unaware that she herself is intersex and has a skewed sort of idea about genitals and peoples bodies Richie genuinely does not think about it all too much. Eddie assumes that she knows, especially as they get older and casually refers to being trans (in my mind probably during the entire “Edwina” disguise thing. I imagine Eddie wearing the dress came down to the clothing size and some off hand comment about him “having experience”, which is total shit Bc even before he transitioned Eddie never presented that way). That’s probably around the point that things start to click in Richies head about Eddies identity and she starts comparing and contrasting Eddie to other ppl and such.

[gloryofluv]

Order Up! Chapter 25

Satan, you really are a naughty professor. Hahaha

Previous Chapter

Alex rubbed her eyes. What woke her? There was tapping at her bedroom door. She climbed out of her bed and turned on her bedside table. Wandering to the door, she opened it to see Satan smiling. He was in his usual casual wear, but he had a tint of mischief. Alex actually enjoyed that about him. It was like one of those feisty tom cats who knocked things over to see them roll on the floor.

“Satan?” Alex questioned.

“Come with me?” he asked.

Alex’s eyebrows raised. “Where are we going?”

He glanced at her attire. “Why don’t you put on something underneath that and meet me in the backyard?”

Alex twitched her nose and glanced at the clock. It was nearing two in the morning. Probably not the smartest idea, but then again, he always seemed to be about exploring human nature. Whatever it was, it should be interesting. “Okay, but only because you look so determined.”

“Excellent. Oh, and don’t turn on the lights outside. It will alert Lucifer,” he murmured and shut her door.

Alex was still a little confused about what they were doing in the middle of the night in the yard. She shrugged and quickly placed on some underwear before putting back on her tank top and shorts she was sleeping in. Belphie had been asking her to come up to the attic for stargazing. Maybe Satan had a different spot?

She slipped from the room and snuck through the dark living room. It felt one part exciting and one part anxious. It was obviously something Lucifer wasn’t supposed to know about. What the fuck was this professor plotting? The woman quietly opened the sliding glass door and paced outside. “Satan?” she whispered and looked around.

Alex nearly jumped out of her skin and screamed when an arm wrapped around her. A warm hand covered her lips, and hot breath caressed her cheek. “Calm down. It’s just me,” Satan whispered. “Are you going to be a good little kitten and just follow my lead?”

Her face was burning as she nodded against his hand.

“Good, now, we’re going to sneak into the pool,” he murmured.

She rocked her head. Satan pulled from her and began to strip. Alex couldn’t help but feel the scorching heat build on her face as he unbuttoned. He waved at her to do the same. Alex pulled off her tank top and shorts. Satan eyed her in the moonlight but held up his hand. Okay, they were going to stay in their underwear.

His form was built but lean in the right way. He had tone, but it wasn’t the look of working out every day. It was healthy and quite attractive. His boxers were green and glared under the moonlight. Boxer boy it is, and Alex definitely wasn’t complaining.

Satan had glimmering marks skewed across his body as he snatched up the clothing and placed them under a chair. He rolled back a piece of the pool cover near the stairs and propped the floating tube over the cover and jacuzzi top. He then gestured for her to come to him.

Alex wasn’t positive about what adventure they were on, but it was exciting. She paced over, and Satan leaned to her. “I’m going to help you get into the water quietly,” he whispered.

She rocked her head, and Satan lifted her before walking carefully down the stairs. A minimal sound came from the water, and he released her when they were under the tube, shielding the view from the house's windows.

“There,” he chuckled.

“What are we doing?” Alex murmured.

Satan arched an eyebrow. “Midnight swimming. I occasionally do after I’m wired from a great book.”

“Did you read a good book? What was it about?” She questioned.

He chuckled and waved his hand. “Well, a tale of a mermaid that enthralled a sea god,” he smirked and moved closer to her.

“Oh, a mermaid and a sea god?” she asked.

He nodded and ran his thumb over her cheek. “It was quite entertaining. I wanted to investigate,” he breathed.

Alex glanced down at his chest, and in the low light, she could barely make out the scars. His chest had quite a variety of them. He followed her gaze and nodded. “From my uncle.”

“I’m sorry,” she breathed and touched them.

His hand covered hers. “Thank you,” he smiled.

“Tell me something, as the new one in the family,” Alex murmured. “Is Lucifer upset with me?”

Satan snorted and rolled his eyes. “No, definitely not at you, Alex,” he paused and ushered her against the wall. “He’s just a bit of a bastard about feelings. Don’t you take them on, alright? Let’s just enjoy the night.”

She rocked her head while gazing up at his electric green eyes. “Okay.”

“You’re so beautiful,” he said and caressed her cheek. “So sweet and tender. Alex, if you ever need someone to protect you from the world, you tell me, alright? You’re like that white kitten we saw near the cafe the other day.”

She sighed, and his lips touched her neck. Her hair bundled away from the water gave him perfect access, and she had no complaints. His fingers didn’t wander to her chest but to her hips. This handsome bad boy was tempting as fuck. Oh, the light sounds that left her mouth were restrained, but it felt so nice to be touched.

He pulled from her neck and smirked at her. “You sound so sweet purring like that, kitten,” he whispered.

Alex touched his face, and he lowered toward her lips. However, there was no contact. The loud sound of the sliding glass door opened, and he touched her lips with his fingertips. Quiet. She rocked her head.

The light flicked on, and he pressed his index finger to his lips. “Which of you is out there?” Lucifer asked.

“Just me, Lucifer,” Satan groaned.

“Only you?” Lucifer asked.

Satan shook his head and pointed to her before moving toward the stairs. He poked his head out and waved. “See?”

Silence and Satan’s eyes narrowed.

“Get out of the pool, Alex,” Lucifer sighed as he rounded the tube and into view.

Shit.

“Lucifer, she’s a grown-ass woman,” Satan growled.

“I expected these antics from Mammon, not you,” Lucifer said as he stared at Satan.

“These rules are so unforgivable and moronic. She’s her own person,” Satan hissed.

Alex shifted to the stairs, and Satan helped her out of the water. There she was, standing dripping with her bra and underwear sticking to her body. Thank goodness they were black. She attempted to cover herself with her arms.

Lucifer shook his head and walked over to get a towel. He paced over and wrapped her in it as she stood next to Satan. “Satan, these rules are in place for this reason. Now, go to bed,” he pointed at his brother and then to the door.

Satan growled and swiped his clothing off the ground, placing hers on the chair. He stomped to the sliding glass door, slamming it behind him. It shook the windows, and Lucifer swayed his head, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“I’m sorry,” she mumbled.

“It’s not your fault,” Lucifer sighed and collected her things from the chair.

“I did agree to come out here with him,” she remarked.

Lucifer gestured for her, and Alex stepped forward. “Let’s try to avoid any more late-night swims with any one of my brothers by yourself?”

She rocked her head as he ran the towel over her body. “Okay, but I’m not sure why this is such a bad thing.”

“It sends the wrong message,” Lucifer said as he took the towel to her cheek. “They would never take advantage of you, however.”

She nodded and sighed. “I’m sorry.”

He breathed and smiled. “Let’s get you cleaned up?”

Lucifer escorted her inside and led her to her bathroom. She went inside and exhaled, shaking herself out. Satan did have validity to his frustration. She was a consenting adult. It was annoying as shit that no one would tell her any of these rules either.

She made quick work of a rinse and cleaned up and drying off before putting on her pajamas. She left her underwear in the sink and left the bathroom. Lucifer was standing by her door with a cup of tea.

“This should relax you for bed, Alex.”

She scowled up at him. “I don’t understand. You promised to explain when I’m confused, Lucifer.”

Lucifer breathed and nodded. “The rules are in place so that you never feel unsafe in your home, no matter how long or short, Alex.”

“I would voice if I felt unsafe. I find it very unfair as well, for me. These rules are constricting, and worse, I feel like I don’t even understand when I’m doing something wrong,” she frowned. “That isn’t fair in the least.”

Lucifer’s lips thinned, and he gestured for her to enter her room. She walked inside, and he followed, cracking the door. Alex sat on her bed, and Lucifer set down her tea on the night table.

“Alex, these rules are for my brothers to respect your space as a woman. That means they aren’t allowed to coerce you into stunts like earlier. Consensual or not, how would you feel if Satan ignored you after engaging you in the pool? It would make things worse if he used you only to make you feel horrible about living here. Or what if something more permanent happens? This is for your comfort and security. Don’t you see that?” Lucifer explained.

“You can’t control everything, Lucifer. Including feelings,” Alex exhaled and shook her head.

“I’m keenly aware of that, Alex,” he scowled.

She picked up her tea and sipped it. The silence was thick and almost uncomfortable. Alex looked up at the uneasy man and gestured to him.

“What happened? Why are you ignoring my texts?” she asked.

“I’ve been quite busy,” he shook his head.

“Fine, don’t tell me,” she exhaled and set the cup back down. “Good night, Lucifer.”

He grimaced and retreated with pure anguish on his face. Why couldn’t he just tell her? What the hell was going on with him? Lucifer stopped at the door on the other side.

“Please have a good sleep, Alex,” he sighed.

She rocked her head. Alex’s eyes traced the cup on her nightstand, and they burned. This felt like such a massive rejection. From what, she wasn’t sure. He didn’t move. She met his gaze, and a tear fell down her cheek.

He visibly crumbled and paced back into the room. “Alex, what’s wrong?” he questioned and touched her cheek.

“I don’t know what you’re struggling with, Lucifer, but it hurts,” she murmured.

He made shushing sounds and wiped her face. “I promise you, it’s not you, alright? You’re just exhausted, and I know it seems like I’m quite unfair. If I didn’t care for your safety and security, I wouldn’t concern myself.”

She breathed and coiled her arms around him, pulling herself to him for a hug. No more tears, but she just needed to feel him. He smelled so good. That cologne, whatever it was, calmed her so much. He kissed her hair and wrapped his arms around her. He was the symbolism of protection.

“Sweet girl, it’s time for bed, alright,” he whispered.

She rocked her head against him. “Okay, Lucifer.”

“You’re such a good girl,” he sighed and released her. “Now, I’ll see you tomorrow at dinner. I have to take a trip to the office. Try to keep my brothers wrangled, alright?” he added and pinched her chin between his thumb and fingers.

She agreed and sat back down on her bed. “Alright.”

“Good,” he breathed and patted her head. “Sleep well.”

Alex watched him leave the room and scowled when he shut the door. Maybe she was approaching this wrong. She would have to investigate this further from a different angle. Alex sipped her tea again before shutting off the light and relaxing back in her blankets. Turning, she stared at the light peeking through the holes in her blinds. A little light. That’s all she needed on this for understanding.

@rsmrymnt-tea @otome-scribbles

[shut-up-its-funny]

On The Sidelines Ch. Three

Wordcount: 3052

Chapter One, Chapter Two

AO3

After eating lunch (breakfast) Janus asks “so Remus, what’s your plan?”

“Uh” he says while playing with his moustache in thought.

Janus narrows his eyes “you said you had a plan.”

“I dooooo I was just going to use face coverings.”

“Every day?” Janus raises an eyebrow.

“Mmhm.”

“While drumming?”

“It might be annoying but yeah, other musicians do it I can too” he flips his hand about.

“Say, I have a thought” Janus says like what his thought is would be common knowledge “why don’t you not ever shave that-“ he motions at Remus’ face “-mangy beard you’ve grown and wear your glasses.”

He touches his face perplexed, he didn’t realise that he hadn’t shaved for that long, he supposes that it’s a silver lining but then he whines when he hears the rest of the sentence “uuughbut I don’t like drumming and wearing my glasses!”

“When did you get glasses?” Roman asks.

“Eh seventeen?” he looks to Virgil with a questioning look.

Virgil sighs “yeah we were seventeen, it was an ordeal to get him to wear them my dad had such a hard time trying to get him to at least wear them for school, but he always refused.”

Remus pouts “I don’t need them thatmuch.”

Virgil raises an eyebrow “oh is that why you always copied my notes instead of off the board?”

“Hey hey, what about uhhhhh, shut up” Remus counter points accented with a raspberry.

Roman snickers, he really missed banter from his brother, he watches Remus and Virgil have a raspberry war with a smile; Janus nudges him.

“If you keep looking at him like that your face is going to be permanently dopey” he stage whispers.

Roman shakes his head to get his thoughts back on track, glancing between his brother and cousin back to Janus “I just… missed him, both of them actually.”

Remus plops himself on Roman’s shoulder, grinning and coos “aw Roro missed being the middle child?”

Virgil props himself on Roman’s other shoulder “don’t worry Romano, we missed you too” he says with snark and a wicked smirk.

“I change my mind, both of you are gremlins and I didn’t miss you at all” he glances to Remus, whose grin hasn’t wavered; if anything it got more shit eating.

“You three were really close huh?” Janus asks.

“Oh, you have no idea” Remus says.

Virgil sneers “don’t say it like that.”

“What, happened exactly?” he asks them, all three of them share an uncomfortable look, Roman glances from Remus to Virgil worriedly.

How much does Janus know?

It’s Remus who answers “I, don’t really wanna get into that right now JD, and besides”- he adds with a flippant hand wave “- you already know most of it.”

“Oh! Speaking of family I miss! Can we go see Uncle Thomas soon?” Roman pipes up with excitement.

Janus perks up a bit; Virgil and Remus roll their eyes.

“Yeah we can go see him soon, I’m sure he’d be happy to see you again” Virgil says.

Janus clears his throat and starts to check his nails nonchalantly “Thomas you say, when… would you be going to see him?”

Roman leans into Remus slightly and whispers “what uh, what’s up with him? Why’s he being weird?”

Remus snorts “he’s smitten.”

Virgil sneers “you can’t fuck my dad Dee.”

Janus drops his hand and scoffs “excuse you! I can fuck whomever I wish Sanders.” The three are looking at Janus with vastly different facial expressions, Remus very much amused, Roman kind of confused and Virgil with a glare; Janus clears his throat “I stand by what I said.”

Virgil growls, he knows Virgil’s not actually mad about Jan having feelings for his dad, he just likes to play it up now and again because when this first started Virgil was genuinely angry that Janus wanted to get down with Thomas, but as time went on Janus had to tell Virgil that he actually did have feelings for him and he wasn’t just hitting on him for no reason, after that Virgil calmed down about it; he knows how protective of Thomas Virgil is, and although Jan doesn’t know what happened with them he knows that Virgil has been through a lot with his dad.

“You can come, we’ll go this weekend” Virgil says.

Janus smiles delightedly “excellent, now if you’ll excuse me I need to head to work.”

“I should call my dad to see if he’ll even be home this weekend” Virgil says taking out his phone, Roman does the same to check the time.

“There’s about forty five minutes until practice, what do you want to do?” he turns to Remus as Virgil holds up the phone to his ear.

“I was gonna say maybe we can meet the gang? Get that outta the way.”

Roman is about to let out a dramatic sigh but Virgil starts talking before he can get the sound out. There’s a frown on his face “he’s not picking up- oh! Hey dad!” he cuts himself off as Thomas answers the phone “yeah everything is fine, I was wondering if you’ll be home this weekend?” there’s a pause as he listens “yeah we wanna come over”- he laughs a little- “what, I need a reason to want to see my dad?” another small beat “Rem and Jan” he then holds the phone away from his ear as a loud noise emanates from the other side of the line “what the hell was that?... you got a what? Oh man Remus is gonna be so salty about that ya’know, no no I’ll keep it a secret until we get there… yeah you too, lots lots lots, bye” he hangs up and the twins are staring at him.

“Tell me” is the first thing Remus says, Roman nudges him with a snicker.

“No way, I said I’d keep it a secret you can wait five days dude.”

“Tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me” Remus chants while he bounces in place.

“Not a chance” he replies and flicks Remus’ forehead then sprints down the hall to escape the inevitable chase.

Remus squawks as he does indeed scrabble up from his seat to chase Virgil down; Roman laughs at their antics and peaks out from the kitchen into the hall just in time to see Virgil hurriedly open the front door and sprint down the stairs, that however does not deter Remus in the slightest.

Taking the steps down two at a time to take revenge on Virgil he’s not watching where his feet land and he trips when his foot doesn’t land where he thought it would making him stumble down the last two steps, Virgil is already out the bottom door and didn’t see the fall, Roman however winces and runs down to help him.

He kneels in front of his twin, who is unsurprisingly laughing at his own folly.

“Are you alright?” he asks anyway, holding out his hand to help Remus up.

~~~

Virgil is pretty sure that Remus isn’t chasing him anymore, but he looks behind him to make sure and as he does so he bumps into something – or rather, someone.

He stumbles back a step and confusedly looks down at the shorter person – who adjusts their now skewed glasses back in place raising an eye brow at Virgil.

“Ah shit sorry man, I was… well that’s not really important” he says lamely and glances back from where he came to see if Remus is coming yet: turns out yes, yes he is, damn.

“It’s quite alright, you seem distracted” the person replies.

Virgil snickers “yeah you can say that” he notices when Remus sees him on the account that he dead sprints towards Virgil; Roman isn’t far behind.

Virgil yelps and without thinking hides himself behind the shorter person; from the look on their face they are very confused and then surprised as Remus skids to a stop in front of them.

“Hiding behind strangers Virgey? That’s unlike you” Remus remarks.

Roman is laughing as he walks up to them “you should see your face right now Lo” he says to the person Virgil is hiding behind “you look dumbstruck pointdexter, it’s rather refreshing to see.”

“Ah! See he’s not a stranger!” Virgil points at Remus triumphantly.

“They” Lo says.

Virgil looks down at them with a blank look, Lo clears their throat.

“We haven’t had a proper introduction” they say turning to Virgil and holding out a hand “I’m Logan, they/them pronouns please.”

Virgil regains his brain and shakes his head “oh! Sorry, I’m Virgil” he takes Logan’s hand.

“Virgil” Logan says his name in contemplation “the cousin?” they ask.

“Uh, yeah” he darts his gaze to Roman who just shrugs “you talk about me behind my back?”

Logan looks slightly confused “how would he have been able to talk about you behind your back? That makes no sense you weren’t there.”

Virgil looks back down to Logan, now he’sconfused.

Roman laughs “no no Lolo, that was an idiom, he means that I was talking about him while he wasn’t present, it’s considered bad to talk behind someone’s back because when you are you’re saying mean things about them so he asked in jest” Roman explains the idiom in length.

“Ah, now I see, I will add that to my cards.”

“Cards?” Virgil cocks his head to the side.

“Yes, I have cue cards with idioms and slang on them because I have trouble understanding them.”

“Oh” Virgil says dumbly.

Why… why is that endearing?

~~~

Remus stills as Logan turns their calculative gaze towards him, they squint a bit but they don’t call him out on how he looks similar to Roman like he worried they would.

Maybe the beard really does cover up more than he thought, he supposes it would make his face look rounder than Roman’s does, but they have the same eye and hair colour and the same complexion…

Hopefully what Roman has told the band about Remus makes them not question the twins’ similarities.

“Are Remy and Patton awake?” Roman asks directing their attention to him instead.

Logan nods “they are yes and I came out here looking for you, I assumed you were upstairs when you weren’t in the club.”

“Looking for me? Practice isn’t for another half hour.”

“And yet here you are going to practice, but I digress; I wanted to meet our drummer before Patton got a hold of him” Logan says smirking at Remus “your first day is probably going to be spent with Patton trying to get to know you in as little amount of time as possible.”

Remus clicks his tongue “cool cool cool can’t wait for the rapid fire.”

Logan squints “I can’t tell if that was sarcasm or not.”

“It wasn’t” Remus smiles “I get along great with people” he nudges Roman playfully “Right Ro-Br…Ro.”

Roman grimaces at Remus’ slip up and tries to laugh it away but his laugh is a little off “oh yes of course” he lays the sarcasm on thick “you work so well with others.”

Virgil snorts at that and continues the sarcasm “yeah you’re defiantly the person I’d go to for delicate subjects.”

“Pff, okay okay” Remus stops them while snickering “you don’t have to hype me up that much.”

“Thooough” Roman says thoughtfully, his hand up to his chin “both you and Patty have this sort of… chaos to you, you’ll probably get along wonderfully.”

Remus rubs his hands together like a conniving raccoon “all ya had to say was ‘chaos’ Romeo.”

“Oh dear” Logan says but smiles softly “I believe you’re going to fit in well with us.”

Roman slings his arm around Remus’s shoulders “I didn’t have a doubt in my mind” he boasts and smacks a playful kiss on Remus’ scruffy cheek.

Remus’ loud smile turns fond and all he can do not to just latch on to Roman and never let go again is to walk out from under his arm to prompt them to get to practice.

Roman’s heart has been thudding since he impulsively kissed Remus’ cheek, it didn’t stop when Remus moved away, and it hasn’t dulled down even when they walk into the club.

A gasp comes from Patton and then a colourful blur rushes over to them, Patton is bouncing in place in front of Remus with stars in his eyes “nice to finally see you!” he gushes “I can’t believe I actually mistook you for Roman even without my glasses” he laughs “you’re so scruffy! Like a big ol puppy!”

Remy walks up to them with the air of swagger that seems to follow him wherever he goes “I mistook him for Roman at first too.”

The twins glace to each other, they’re glad no one is on to them but at the same time how can no one be on to them?

They don’t think that they look all that different from each other, but apparently others don’t notice, that or they just don’t see it because of what they’ve been told.

Patton taps a finger on his chin, his lips are puckered a bit in thought “though you guys have the same colour palette so a blob of the same colours would fool me.”

“Same colour palette?” Remy asks inquisitively.

“Mmhm” Patton begins “their hair and eyes and skin tones are all identical!”

“Mm, it is so like Roman to fall in love with someone who looks like him” Remy smirks “even their voices are similar” he says pointedly looking their way, if Roman didn’t know better he’d think that their manager was trying to lookfor something.

“No they aren’t” Remus says, and Roman has to agree with that “my voice is much more annoying” he says with a smile.

Both Roman and Virgil snort at the pride in Remus’ voice as he says it.

“Ahem” Logan clears their throat “are we going to stand in the foyer the whole time?”

“Loli’s right we should get this party started!” Patton jumps a little as he twirls to lead them further into the club.

The room looks fuller than it did last night Remus notices, on top of the stage area having lights and stuff all hooked up there’s more feeling to the room unlike last night when it was bare with boxes littering the floor.

It’s a small space but it’s big enough to have a nice amount of people, like a cozy bar.

“Question!” Remus shouts and continues without being acknowledged “is this a club for like band practice and chilling or is this an actual club that people come to?”

Remy smiles “yes” he answers.

“Have you guys done shows for others before?”

“Quite a few” Roman interjects.

“But we lost our drummer about a year ago” Logan informs “we had some… disagreements and we all collectively kicked him out of the band.”

Remus nods “okay so you have a kind of fan base then, people will actually show up for shows?”

“Oh yes, we have quite a few loyal fans” Remy says and plops himself on one of the couches.

Remus hops onto the low stage and looks at all the instruments again; Logan follows him and picks up the dark blue guitar.

Remus runs his hand on the golden microphone stand, it’s very shiny and it has little red star sparkles splattered on it, the red satin scarf wrapped around the top is soft to the touch and the shiny red guitar that sits under it is also very glittery with golden accents; he doesn’t expect any less from his twin, Roman has always been extra and he’s glad their parents haven’t sucked that outta him.

“I thought you said you were the lead singer, you said nothing about playing guitar” Remus directs at Roman.

“Yes, well Logan is lead guitar so I let them have the limelight when it comes to that.”

“Roman is very generous when it comes to the limelight” Logan says with an undertone of amused sarcasm, there’s a small smirk on their face as Roman huffs and crosses his arms.

“Iiiiiii’ve gotten better at sharing.”

“Yes you have” Patton says patting Roman on the shoulder on his way to take his sky blue sticker littered bass and then bounces over to the couches to sit with Remy.

Remus almost forgets Virgil is there with how quiet he’s been but all eyes are directed to him as a piano key is played, he darts his hand away from the keyboard looking around at everyone who is now staring at him.

Remy’s eyebrow raises “do you play?” he asks.

“Uh, I know how to play” he answers.

“Hm” is all Remy says and that gets Virgil to back track.

“I don’t do well with crowds though, so don’t bother asking.”

“I didn’t say anything” Remy says with amusement.

“That ‘hm’ said everything for you” Virgil retorts.

“That is too bad” Logan interjects “we need a permanent piano player.”

“Permanent?” Remus questions, Virgil shoots him a glare, he shrugs.

Remy answers “yea permanent, I play sometimes when needed but I can’t do every show or song, it would help a great deal to have someone play.”

“Like I said” Virgil starts “I don’t do well with crowds.”

“You can be in the dark” Logan supplies “like a shadow pianist; no one will ever have to see you.”

“That…” Virgil starts to reject the idea but sighs “that actually sounds kind of bad ass.”

Patton claps “so does that mean you’ll be our pianist?”

Virgil looks over to Remus, he’s got an encouraging smile, he glances over to Roman who nods with a softer smile and then to Logan who’s politely awaiting an answer.

“Yeah, fuck it why not I’ll be the Shadow Pianist.”

Remus rushes over to him and slings an arm over his shoulders “yes! I knew it would be a good idea for you to come!”

Even though he didn’t need Virgil to be there for moral support he’s glad that he came anyway, and he’s very excited for their band career to take them on all kinds of hijinks, this is the starting of a wonderfully beautiful adventure.

[sooibian]

Freed

image from Pinterest, edited by me

Pairing: Baekhyun x Fem!Reader

A/N: Dedicated to smol bby @vampwrrr ’s magnificent mistresspiece Sweet Lies

Inspired by: I’m sorry about the blood in your mouth, I wish it was mine - Richard Siken +

Truly amazing, what people can get used to, as long as there are a few compensations - Margaret Atwood

Description: A headcanon exploring SL OC’s thoughts after Baekhyun’s confession.

Genre/Warnings: Dark themes, destructive thoughts, Ambiguous AU

Word count: ~ 1.3k

Mollycoddling a murderer.

This isn’t how you thought you’d react. Not in your wildest dreams. In your wildest dreams, you’d probably strike him with a vase or a glass bottle like they do in the movies: out of horror or hurt or both. His head was supposed to be on the floor, completely drained off of blood, not solaced in the comfort of your lap.

This isn’t how you were raised to react. It went against everything you ever believed to be true - the bits and pieces that made you you. The rationalization of the black and white and the in-between. But you know now that the in-between isn’t what they say it is. The in-between isn’t grey. It’s technicolour. It’s the red of passion, the blue of stability, the yellow of happiness. 

They say it’s grey because they’re so terrified of their own sentiments - resisting them so vehemently. Desensitizing themselves to being almost human. 

Perhaps they’ve never been in a love this…grave. Grave. You swish the word in your mouth like an ice cube, the insides of your cheeks feeling unpleasantly cold. Grave. Like it’s going to be the death of you. 

This love. 

You thought you had a choice in the matter. Whatever it may be, you always had a choice. The sheer ridiculousness of this thought makes you chuckle - your yeses and noes never mattered. You’ve been nothing more than a dry leaf caught in the wind. Drifting. Dancing to the whims of the air current. 

Decisions, decisions. 

So much wasted time on the events you had no control over: it had been one giant, extensive freefall. The happiness, the suffering. It was all beyond you. You weren’t required to piece the puzzle, only make sense of it. 

Or not. 

Baekhyun’s asleep, his breathing is levelled. Scarily soft. This is the calm after the storm. He’s come clean. Is this supposed to purge him of his sins?

Questions. So many questions. 

Is he worthy of your trust? But, do you still hold him accountable for it? Accountable for his own actions? Maybe. Accountable for you? Questions…questions…

Dangling, devoid of control, perhaps to him you were a puppet. A plaything. Maybe his favourite plaything. Yet, just that. But does this negate his feelings? Even if it was all just an act: to lure you in, to keep you forever. Doesn’t mean it was untrue. It couldn’t have been. Not all of it.

There’s a gossamer-thin line between surreal and untrue.

You’ve always wondered, much to your detriment, if you were ever worthy of his love. Would you be able to carry the weight of this question or sink underneath it. But this question still stands: very valid in its own right. It often sprouts prickly seeds of negativity in your heart and mind. So you shove down the deepest darkest corner of your subconscious: hacking it off every time it rears its ugly head. 

So, are you worthy? Have you ever been worthy? For a moment, even?

Baekhyun is the embodiment of for better, for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish…

‘til death do us part. 

Maybe he’d be better qualified to gauge your worthiness. Maybe he’d even think of it as futile. Maybe none of this ever mattered to him for as long as you’d let him love you.

Truly amazing, what people can get used to, as long as there are a few compensations.

….as long as you’d let him love you. You find a juvenile sense of comfort in this idea of having some semblance of control.

So, what now? You think, stroking his pretty little head that holds secrets so profoundly tragic. How does this earthen vessel, entirely made up of milk and honey and one trauma, not disintegrate by the sheer impact of its choices?

Would anybody actually believe this? Your ever so sweet and puppy-like Baekhyun was actually capable of acts this despicable? Your saviour was also a destroyer because of the one heinous thing he witnessed. The one thing that so terribly skewed the chemical balance of his brilliant brain. But aren’t we all bent out of shape? In our own way? Who’s to be the judge of these imbalances? How much is too much? At what point do the scales tip?

If you were to turn him in, who’s to say he’d come out a changed man?

If they ever let him out, that is.

He’s not the absolute worst of the lot. He’s not a wife-beater, a cheater, or a rapist. Maybe you’re rationalizing. But some would even argue that The Reaper is actually scrubbing the earth off its scum. Is this supposed to make him a hero? 

He’s no hero, he’s no vigilante.

He’s your husband.

Who’s loved you unequivocally, albeit in his own twisted way. He is your husband. And you are going to protect him. You’re not going to turn him in. You’re not losing the one person that’s loved you this catastrophically. 

It all boils to one question.

“Baekhyun? Sweetheart?”

You’re as gentle as you’d be with a newborn. But he awakens with a shudder and sits across from you: hunched, cross legged, hair disheveled, eyes bloodshot, brows pinched together, lips protruding in a pout. The seam of your trousers had imprinted a reddish dent across his right cheek.

“It’s alright, puppy. It’s alright”, the tips of your fingers tenderly travel the stretch of his face: relearning, tracing his eyelashes, the curve of his lips, his jaw, his cute little nose.

“Little doe, don’t leave”, he pulls away and begins to cry, sobs muffled as he presses his face into his hands. 

“I’m here, Baekhyunie. I’m here”, you grip his wrist, tugging, urging him to look at you.

“Always?” 

His gaze shoots up to meet yours. Steady. Challenging.

“Baekhyun…”

“Always?” 

Testing.

“Baekhyun, please…”

“Sorry, I’m sorry…I’m not right for you..I never have been. You deserve better, you deserve more! If you want to leave, I understand…”

Your skin is raw, it’s sensitive. Like you’re reborn out of red hot flames. Pure. Clean. Carrying no cuts and bruises of the past. Maybe this is what it feels like.

Being in control.

Finally.

“Baekhyun, can you stop?”

His eyes bore into yours, journeying the bottomless pit of your soul. You catch his molten chocolate irises darken in a flash. Jaw clenched, hands hardened into fists, he rasps through gritted teeth -

“No.”

You take his fists and bring them up to your lips, peppering them with soft kisses, soothing them open. Then, the tips of his fingers. Slow, deliberate pecks. His eyes, although calculating and unsure, soften again, lips ease into a mellow smile. 

You make your way into his lap, cup his face, his lips barely an inch from yours. The nearly domineering grip of his arms around your waist steadying you. Inside and out.

He’s truly a work of art. Deeply unsettling, thought-provoking. An enigma. The pain that runs so deep in his blood, you wish to tear it away from him. However ruinous it may end up being. For him. 

For you.

You run your thumb across his lower lip, his eyes flutter shut almost involuntarily at the contact. Blood rushes to your head as your lips crash into his and a breath escapes him in a throaty groan. 

He tastes like iron. 

Leisurely at first, he’s quick to match your fervour then just like that, he outpaces you, leaving you gasping for each breath. His fingers dig deep into the skin of your back. Craving, yet carrying the potential to crush your bones to dust.

You’d let him. 

A/N: Thank you @changshapatrol​ and @vampwrrr​ for being my friends *pouts* i love you both very much 💕

[bookwyrminspiration]

Sorry for not responding sooner!! Today's been a busy day at school today. But yay! At least you're doing what you can for the moment. I'm glad that homework is something that can calm you down

Do you want me to start reminding you to eat? Just like, a small sentence once a day (I can't say I'll remember all the time but you really should be eating)

But yeah that sounds incredibly stressful, I can't say that I know how to drive but!! The idea of it and everything goin by quickly is making me somewhat anxious about it, but it looks fun.

I don't remember what else was said but!! I hope that you're doing ok!!

Also being pretty whole crying is amazing, I can't say the same about me XD

-Heathen

heathen! hello! you have nothing to apologize for, don't worry. I'm always gonna be here and you aren't required to interact with me in any capacity. And school should probably take priority over perusing the internet most of the time--although my opinions on that are likely a little skewed because my school doesn't really have a phone policy (that's how I've been able to post in the middle of class while also sitting five feet away from the teacher) and I'm only there for one period...

and huh. I guess I never thought of it before, but homework does calm me down in a way! Doing homework is better than having homework I'm not doing, because then I'm constantly thinking about how I should be doing the work. And I am okay now! I am fortunate enough that my meltdowns and similar things are intense but brief. Once I get through it I'm through it and it doesn't really linger!

tw: mentions of skipping meals accidentally. scroll to the big text to skip.

for the eating thing: you absolutely don't have to. I'm not gonna tell you not to, but please don't feel pressured to remind me or anything. I do have alarms/notifications set for meal times, but sometimes those don't register in my mind and I still forget. But my health and wellbeing aren't your responsibility, so please don't take it upon yourself to do anything that will stress you out or that you don't want to do. And I do eat! usually at least. I never intentionally skip meals, so don't worry about me there! A lot of the times I'm in the middle of something when I get my set notifications and go "ah I'll do that in a minute" and then don't.

tw over

the driving thing was less stressful and more me laughing at myself! I wasn't worried about anything happening, and I know the route really well now; I drive it four times a week (I have an appointment every monday so that's why it's not five). But there were definitely moments where I was like hmm I need to be careful because I'm not the safest driver I could be right now. Was I a danger? No. But obviously I'm gonna be a better driver when I am not crying. Speaking of driving being anxious, I did make a post a little while back about some of the tips I had for people learning how to drive/who were going to learn, so if that would help you at all I can find the post and link it! Because in my experience the official driving schools throw everything at you and once and leave you more on your own to figure out what information you're actually going to need on the road. For example, whether an interstate number is even or odd determines whether is north-south or east-west and was a question on the written test, but I've never needed that info in practice and i take the interstate every day!

though I think the most fun thing about it is just the freedom. as someone with anxiety a lot of times I worried about annoying my parents when they'd take me placed because they'd have to drive there and back to transport me. so now we save gas and I feel less anxious about that. and! I get to put my music on and vibe the whole way there! I will say refrain from podcasts until you're more confident in your route because otherwise you'll be too focused on the road and miss the things they're saying.

nothing else really important was said! I gave a few details about what had stressed me out and that was it. I probably used a lot of exclamation marks too--I should really stop doing that.

and thanks, I happen to think I'm very pretty all of the time, so I'm biased. I think I actually still have a photo of me up on my blog rn (usually I delete them after a week or two but this one I didn't). update! found it! here's the link to that post. wait what was my point again? oh, right. I have an abundance of self-confidence and generally think I'm pretty all the time, including when I'm crying. Highly recommend loving your appearance!! It's very fun.

I'm planning to dye my hair this weekend so that's undoubtedly gonna result in me taking more pictures