#my inspiration for her is my french teacher

[sunflowerik]

new beginnings✨️🌧

[rhaenella]

CL16 | Is It Over Now? | pt.4

pairing: charles leclerc x singer!reader

genre: social media au

summary: you and charles have been everyone's fave couple on the grid, but when you somewhat unexpectedly break up, you turn to songwriting to cope with the pain

face claim: léon

a/n: all songs mentioned are by léon and some of taylor’s from the vault. also a massive thank you to my part time french teacher @xeresmalfoy for helping out and checking my grammar ❤️

･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･

part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 5 | part 6 | part 7

･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･

Liked by taylorswift, selenagomez and 1,131,489 others

y/n: Your reaction to Is It Over Now? has been nothing short of incredible. I feel your love 🤍 And that’s why I decided to give some of that love back to you. Besides my new music video, we’ve been secretly rehearsing for a special little something… 

It’s been a busy couple of weeks but I’m very excited to announce that I will be playing three small, intimate “one night only” shows in London (7/11), Paris (7/12) and New York City (7/15) next week. I can’t wait to see some of you there, let’s make it a good one x

🔗 Link to tickets in my bio!

View all 22,362 comments

sophiet: Yasss girl🔥see ya next week😘

Liked by y/n

landonorris: Surely friends will get a discount, no?

y/n: Hmm… we’ll see

yourmanager: No.

user7: i can’t waittttt!!!!!! see you in new york 😍❤️

user8: y/n really said i’m gonna use my pain and turn it into a creative outlet and i think that’s so beautiful and inspiring ♥️

user9: I CANT BELIEVE I MANAGED TO GET TICKETS

user10: omggg you’re so lucky they sold out so fast

user11: yeah i was too late :(((

user10: hopefully y/n will do a bigger tour🤞🤞

y/n: Sooooonnnnn 🤫

user10: OMFG

3 July

Liked by user23, user29 and 43,119 others

wagsf1update: Pierre, Kika, Charles and Maddy attend day eight of Wimbledon!

View all 2,235 comments

user23: charles and pierre look so gooddd 😍😍😍

user24: clone is cloning

user25: the way charles was only really talking to pierre during the game

user26: maddy and charles look so happy and in love in those pictures……. NOT

user27: so far i haven’t seen either of them smile in each other’s presence 

10 July

y/n’s story

Seen by alex_albon, kellypiquet and 3,979,114 others

11 July

landonorris’ story

Seen by y/n, danielricciardo and 3,788,531 others

11 July

danielricciardo’s story

Seen by landonorris, alex_albon and 3,244,091 others

11 July

landonorris’ story

Seen by charles_leclerc, carlossainz55 and 3,743,160 others

11 July

danielricciardo’s story

Seen by yourbestfriend, charles_leclerc and 3,028,340 others

11 July

Liked by y/n, lilymhe and 301,882 others

alex_albon: Our professional opinion: this new up an coming artist was not too bad 🧐 (and fun fact: her post-concert cravings are REAL)

View all 2,911 comments

y/n: Omg Alex…

y/n: DID YOU HAVE TO POST THAT PICTURE

alex_albon: Yes

danielricciardo: Starving performer devours a burger 🍔 by alex.jpg

lilymhe: I told alex not to do it but he never listens to me

alex_albon: I can’t help that’s what she looks like when she eats

carlossainz55: This is true, I’ve witnessed this myself

y/n: I hate all of you

maxverstappen1: But secretly you still love us

y/n: Careful champ, there’s a fine line between love and hate

landonorris: Go on, please hate them so I will get all the love since I’m the only one here taking the banger pics

Liked by y/n

12 July

Liked by kellypiquet, yourbestfriend and 998,267 others

y/n: London was an absolute dream. Thank you for an unforgettable night❣️à demain Paris 🇫🇷

View all 18,432 comments

user18: absolute dream? ABSOLUTE FIRE ❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥

user19: BEST. NIGHT. EVER.

user20: it was emotional but oh so fucking powerful

user21: say don’t go is my new favorite song, i love it so much 😭❤️

Liked by y/n

user21: you were spectacular!!!!! please come back soon 

user22: j'ai hâte de vous voir demain, j'attends de vous voir en live depuis des années!!🙊💕 

Liked by y/n

12 July

—

It was late. Way past midnight. Maddy had already gone to bed a few hours ago. But Charles was still up, slouched on the couch in his five-star suite, a frown edged deep into his forehead.

He silently scrolled through his social media, switching from Twitter to Instagram to Twitter and back to Instagram again. You'd just posted new photos of your show in London tonight, looking as beautiful as ever.

The stage was where Charles knew you felt most comfortable, somewhere you weren’t scared to open up your heart and be vulnerable. The atmosphere you were able to create during your concerts couldn’t be put into words. It was truly something one of a kind. The way you effortlessly connected with the audience… it always left him speechless and usually with a wide, beaming smile.

In other words, he would never tire of watching you perform.

Charles had always been proud of you. And still, as he sat there reading through the thousands of posts by your fans and even some by his colleagues, he couldn’t help but feel that same sense of pride swell inside of him. 

Though, that pride was mostly overshadowed by a feeling of intense guilt. Guilt that kept nagging at him ever since the moment you’d packed your bags and left his apartment with tears running down your cheeks. His heart clenched painfully as Charles thought back to that particular day. It was his fault. All of it. He had been stupid. No, beyond stupid. It had started out as a drunken mistake. But you can’t make a drunken mistake twice, let alone thrice. 

When you’d found out and had confronted Charles, he hadn’t denied it. And in that moment, he’d witnessed that last bit of hope you’d stubbornly clung to, shatter before his eyes. Along with your heart and your trust. 

As the reality of the situation had slowly dawned on him, he’d gone completely numb. Charles had wanted to fight for you harder, but he hadn’t. If he had, his current situation could’ve possibly been entirely different. Your new song—which he had already listened to three times—made that perfectly clear.

But he had decided on another path. A decision that resulted from losing the love of his life by his own hand. Did it make any sense? To choose to stay with the girl he’d betrayed you with? In his loneliness it had made some weird type of sense. Because if there was one thing Charles couldn’t handle well, it was being alone. And boy, he’d never felt more alone than when you’d closed that door behind you, making him believe there was no longer hope for a future together.

Now, all he wanted was to focus on moving on and stick to his decision to be with Maddy. Was he in denial about his true feelings and the pain he tried to bury deep inside of himself? Perhaps. Probably.

Charles was still mindlessly scrolling when Maddy emerged from the bedroom, leaning against the wall studiously. He hadn’t even heard her until she cleared her throat, speaking to him softly but with a tinge of annoyance. 

“Charles, are you finally coming to bed?”

“Ouais, je serai là dans une minute,” he answered absentmindedly.

Yeah, I’ll be there in a minute.

She rolled her eyes. “How often do I have to tell you: speak English. I’ve no clue what you’re saying.”

“Mhm, désolé…” 

Charles paused, quickly looking up as he realised his mistake. 

“Seriously,” Maddy scoffed.

He winced at her irritated look. There was no denying Maddy had a temper, her moods changing as quick as lightning. The countless fights Charles and her had had in the past few months were enough proof of that.

“Sorry,” he tried again.

She huffed, stomping away in the direction of the suite’s bedroom, harshly closing the door behind her.

He rubbed his temple, sighing. He was just tired. And speaking in his native tongue when he was tired or upset was something he did without thinking. 

Years ago, you’d quickly figured that out as well. However, you never judged him for it. No, you were understanding, trying to acquaint yourself with his language to understand him better. To be there for him. In the end, you knew him so well that you could almost always accurately read him, the language barrier between you no longer an issue. Not that it had ever been one in the first place.

He thought back to one of the tweets he’d read before Maddy had come barging in. 

‘Charles made the biggest mistake of his life. I hope he realizes it.’

He squeezed his eyes shut, letting his head lull back against the couch’s headrest. And just like he’d done ever since that fateful day, he willed all of his doubts, guilt, and pain into a neat little box, unable to face them. Charles sighed again, pushing himself to his feet, wearily following in Maddy’s footsteps towards their shared bedroom. But as his hand hovered over the door handle, one single truth echoed through him, unwavering.

Oui, he thought. Je le comprends. 

Yes. I do realize it.

･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･

･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･

Tags: @sukisheadlights @eviethetheatrefreak @blueflorals @kiskso @dessxoxsworld @treehouse-mouse @dangeroustacoalienbiscuit @clown-fc @stopeatread @vanishingcherry @bb-swift @leclercdream @scenesofobx

[victorbutnotreally]

YOU WHAT??? - OT8 x Male Reader

Four times Mn surprised the members with his ~mysterious past~

A/N: Inspired by me constantly getting told that I "randomly drop lore". My friends didn't know that I played the piano until one day I saw a piano at my friend's place (her dad is a piano teacher) and I decided to play a nocturne. Hope you enjoy!

warnings: swearing, slightly suggestive, sometimes it may not make sense (but we're here to have fun), chan's room (rip), google translated french

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

One

"What is one thing you always carry around with you?"

That question was directed towards Mn. He snapped out of his trance of staring at Minho who was looking a little too pretty.

"Me? I always carry..." he pulls out a compass from his jean pocket. It was black and gold. "...this compass."

The members have seen a compass in Mn's pocket or in his bag while rummaging through it for snacks, but they didn't know he always had it.

"Why though?" was the question of a confused Jeongin.

"My neurophysiology professor gave it to me when I graduated. It means a lot to me since I didn't really receive a lot of gifts when I was younger. And he was such a good teacher."

The answer was met with gasps and widened eyes from the members. They didn't know their goofball of a member learned neuroscience. Hell, they didn't even know he went to university.

"WHAT?"

"PROFESSOR???"

"NEUROPHYSIOLOGY? THE FUCK??"

Two

Mn appeared as a special guest in Han's live. He was ranting about Achilles Come Down which was the song he recommended to be played on Chan's room last week. That's when he noticed a comment.

"Je vous aime tellement les gars ! Tu es honnêtement le meilleur et je ne peux pas te le dire assez"

He reads it out without a struggle and replies back in French.

"Merci beaucoup! Cela signifie beaucoup et j'espère que vous apprécierez également notre prochain album"

Han's eyes widened in surprise.

"Hold up, what?"

The comments started flooding in as well, completely thrown off by the sudden language change. No one knew he spoke French. They should've gotten used to the random lore dropping from Mn, though.

"OH MAH GAWDDDD"

"LORD HAVE MERCY THIS MAN CAN SPEAK FRENCH"

"i didn't know you spoke baguette!"

"just when i thought Mn couldn't get any hotter"

"get ready for the edits, y'all"

Jisung could only shake his head in disbelief.

Three

"Come on, hyung. I'm taking you back to the dorms and you're going to bed. Now."

"Just this one-"

"I slept more in university than you do now. And that's saying something, cuz I was busy!" He really was busy, with the neurology major, but that little smirk, the slight flush of his cheeks, and the bit of regret in saying that last statement was what made Chan raise a brow. There were a lot of times were Mn held his tongue when asked about ahem...experience.

"Yeah? What were you so busy with?"

"..My major, obviously. Now, get up."

Chan chuckled, getting up from his chair. "Nothing to smirk about in neurology, I'm sure."

"No one finds out about this, or I'll use my shooting skills on you."

"Your what now??"

Double lore drop. That's new.

Four

Mn was sitting with the rest of his members to react to his first solo song's MV. He wasn't exactly overjoyed by the idea, feeling awkward about seeing himself on screen. If it was a group MV, he could at least roast the others to get rid of the embarrassment of seeing whatever the directors told him to do on screen.

The screen fades in to a beautiful stage, an empty concert hall, occupied only by Mn who was painted with beautiful makeup and doing ballet. Gracefully, but the pain and insanity in his eyes is evident. Black Swan was the song.

"I...didn't know you did ballet."

Mn shrugged. His dance trainer knew, and honestly, he was glad the members found out this way. It was funny seeing their reactions.

[maddascanbe-blog]

Ladies and Gentlemen. I give you Little Vesperia. She's a powerful punch in a petite package! I posted her design in sketches ages ago but I was SO jazzed to finally do it digital. And I finally could do Teen Zoé and Vesperia.

Buckle up folks this is a long one.

I won't go into too much detail on Teen Zoé's fit, since I already talked about it in here. But Vesperia is where things get more interesting.

Little Vesperia obviously takes more inspiration from Queen Bee since in my rewrite Zoé idolizes Chloé so much. Zoé's father couldn't really be bothered to care about Zoé, she's been at every boarding school and summer camp he could afford while still keeping most of the money Audrey sends him. She rarely sees him, and when they are stuck together he wants her out of sight and out of mind.

Then Zoé is uprooted entirely when Audrey's infidelity is exposed. To save face she gets brought to Paris, to play at being one big happy family. She may be young, but she's wise enough to know this is just another person using her for their gain. She did face bullying at her schools, and a whole lot of nothing done about it from the teachers.

She also does not speak french. Which means that a good 70% of people have no idea how to communicate with her. And Audrey was no help. Zoé vas given so little information she didn't even KNOW she had an older sister when the was taken to France. Chloé was a complete blindside to her.

And she especially doesn't expect this intimidating teenager to kneel down to her level, and in perfect english explain that it's okay to be scared and she'll make sure Zoé won't be stuck wondering what's gonna happen next.

They spend the rest of the day learning where everyone is, and what certain things are called in french so that Zoé has a better way to communicate. They also sit down and order decorations for Zoé's room.

Zoé fully anticipated André to ignore her, but he is kind like he is in cannon. Just very busy so can only get in small conversations with her. Still, he's shown her more care than her own father had in the 9 years she's been alive. Since he'll ask her about her day, anything she may need, how school has been, etc. He also manages to get a free day to show her all the cool things in the hotel that most people don't know are there. He tries to have dinner with Chloé and Zoé as often as possible and they eat lunch together at the hotel at least once a week.

Now to Teen Zoé. I'll probably write this down in a separate post but my Idea for her is because of the limits I put on the rabbit miraculous Bunnix is no longer able to fight Timetagger, but she IS able to bring someone from that point in time to help instead. And since bringing anyone that could be recognized could potentially cause a paradox, the best solution is to bring in someone who they haven't met yet.

Design wise I like Vesperia's cannon design but it does look more like a wasp than a bee. I based her top on these biker jackets that had segments on the sides and just made the segments alternate black and yellow. I originally planned to keep the black top and yellow bottoms, but it just didn't look the way I wanted it too. I think making the jacket yellow makes it look much more like a bee. Also black mask because I like how those look better.

I think Little Vesperia looks good too, different enough from Queen Bee while still looking like she took inspiration, my favorite part was making it look like she had striped socks. While Teen Zoé looks like a logical progression while also dipping into badass as opposed to cute. Also her pupils turn gold to further differentiate her from Queen Bee.

(Bonus- Verpseria with colors closer to her originals)

[thetourturedwritersclub]

I've seen ppl do the marauders being teachers and the subjects they would teach. And hers are my 2 cents.

James he would teach PE. Argue with the wall. Also he'd be that one teacher everyone loves bc he cares for the students. All the students who have PE with him would be fit bc James cares so much abt the students health. He would organise basketball, football /soccer and volleyball games between the other classes.

Sirius On the popular belief of Sirius teaching French, I actually think he would teach art. That doesn't mean that I think that he isn't intelligent, I think he's creative and he would rather teaching a subject which requires u to be creative. He would take the kids to art galleries.

Remus to no one's surprise, I think he would teach English /Literature. And he would make it INTERESTING. They'd be studying Romeo and Juliet , the kids would feel like they are in Verona, Italy watching it happen. Also smth that's so precious for me is Remus having movie hrs, watching films that we are adapted into movie form and they would analyse the differences between the two.

Peter I think Peter would teach home Economics. Also he would be that teacher that u either love and appreciate or hate with a burning passion. He would be a shy introverted nature but also funny and tolerant.

Lily she would teach citizenship. Yes she would be that teacher that would make sure u were mindful, empathetic and grateful. She would make sure kids understood everything u need to know abt being a good citizen. She would also organise field trips which would be in parks, town halls etc etc.

Marlene Listen, I think she would be a history teacher. Her compassion loving nature and ability to tell a story give rlly much history teacher vibez. The kids would be hypnotised listening to every word Marlene was speaking abt a revolution or a glorious monarchy.

Mary Now Mary would teach theatre. Say what u want but I'm a Theatre teacher Mary believer. She would take it super seriously and she would teach all of the kids how to act. Also she would analyse the kids chemistry (basically how much chemistry they have with each other) and she would play match maker with that information. She'd be hitting the bullseye everytime.

Dorcas She would be teaching mathematics. Again argue with the wall. She would be that strict teacher with a heart of gold. Also she would check in with every kid to see if they need help and would be that teacher who wouldn't make u feel bad for not understanding something.

Pandora She would teach Chemistry. Why? Idk she just gives off chemist vibez. And she would always take her class to the lab. And instead of assigning projects, she and her class would conduct research on certain topics and try out formulas.

Barty :Barty would teach physics. He is super smart and in my eyes physics is smth that he would find interesting. He would be teaching the kids with practical examples, like dropping stuff when they have to learn abt gravity and ect.

Evan He would teach biology. Argue with the wall. He would love dissecting bodies and the students in his class would be horrified at his excitement. Also he would be such an inspirational and dedicated teacher. He wouldn't be that strict of a teacher but he would keep his class focused.

Regulus He would teach a foreign language like French. He would be so strict and his class would low-key fear him. He wouldn't have that high of expectations and his test wouldn't be that hard. Also he would explain the kids important facts abt French and he would be an incredible teacher. When he would assign classwork he'd go around the class asking if they needed help. Also he'd be that teacher who wouldn't mind answering questions after class.

So yeah that was soo fun! Lmk if u like it or want me to do stuff like this more often! Would you attend this school if you could?

[wannaeatramyeon]

Hi first of all I'd like to say that I love your writing style and can't get enough of reading you. Could I make a request for a slightly older Jake Kim? As it's the end of the crews, Allied has won and neither Charles Choi nor Eugene are a threat anymore. Jake is a little bored despite his love for big deal and his friends and/or his mother is urging him to go back to school and he thinks it might be a good idea. At first he's a little scared and unsure, thinking that with his gangster looks and scars, he might scare off the other students, but Jake is Jake and his charisma is incredible. Anyway, he notices this girl who's a foreign student (if she could be French, I'd love you for the rest of my life), quite popular and he just has a crush on her but doesn't dare approach her because she's so popular. Well he watches her as she sit just in front of him and he is just so into her. The 2 of them could get close at a party or an event, maybe he could save her from a molka or a Zeus-like student or something like that too.

Sorry if it is not clear, english isn't my native language.

Besides, if my request doesn't inspire you, feel free to ignore it. I'll keep on reading you because you're incredible.

Anon, this is EXTREMELY clear. Ty for being so kind!! Sorry for the delay and as always, only half hitting the request points. Also French???

Jake Kim x French!Reader: Lecture

Leans F!Reader. Sort of college AU.

Jake sits at the back of the lecture hall. 

He always sits at the back. It was his seat before Big Deal, and makes sense that it's his seat after Big Deal too.

Picked in his middle school days as the perfect spot for taking naps and causing trouble. Not that Jake was ever a trouble maker, at least to teachers. He preferred to waste the hours by catching up on his sleep.

So used to being front and centre all his life. Thrust, sometimes willingly, sometimes not, into the centre of attention that it's quite nice to literally take a back seat. 

Except. It's out of an awkwardness, discomfort, that he chooses to sit at the back today. 

Hidden from most of the other students. Feeling out of place with his thuggish appearance, his scars and his tattoos.

Can't help but be a little self conscious, even if his bias should be grossly outdated.

"This seat taken?" You don't wait for his answer, missing his look of surprise, slamming yourself down on the seat. Hugging your backpack to your body and slouching with relief. 

"I got lost," you give a grin that comes out as more of a grimace, and wipe your brow, having worked up a sweat from trying to figure out this labyrinth they call a school.

Jake's eyes follow your fingers running through your hair. Absentmindedly notes how soft and shiny it looks.

You tell him your name, half distracted with setting up your laptop to take notes. He has your full attention when his low, husky timbre introduces himself as Jake Kim. 

You also notice he has dimples when he smiles.

.

.

He sees you again a couple days later, and you walk towards your lecture together.

Following your lead and taking a seat much closer to the front. Where Jake doesn't need to strain so much to see and hear.

He feels less self conscious today. Maybe that's because you're by his side.

He chooses not to dwell on it. Focusing on whatever the professor is talking about.

Somewhere between the droning voice and the overwarm room, his mind starts to wander. Begins to doodle on his notepad instead of taking notes.

You peek over at his paper, "What is that?"

"Jerry." Jake says it like it's obvious. Like you should know.

"Who?"

"My best friend."

You squint down at the doodle a bit more, "Cute. What breed is he?"

Jake holds back his grin and deadpans, "Human."

"Huh?!"

Jake chuckles. Points out the bald head and the attempt at human anatomy in a hushed voice as you inspect further, peering so close your foreheads are almost touching.

When finally,the image clicks, you burst out laughing, earning shushes from the students around you.

 .

.

Jake is shy. 

All his natural leadership quality completely leaves him when after the lecture, you introduce him to his friends.

A mix of students that grew up overseas. Seems worldly and experienced compared to himself who has barely left Seoul. Having lived a lifetime fighting and running a gang instead.

You introduce everyone. Give him more details about yourself, mention growing up in France.

"Paris?" he ventures, the only place he can recall off the top of his head.

You pull a little face at that. No, the South. Grew up swimming in the Mediterranean Sea. 

"Here," you lean in to show him on your phone the town you spent your childhood years.

Leaning in close enough that he can count each of your freckles, if he so chooses. Can pick out the scent of your shampoo

And Jake, for maybe the first time ever, is hit with a fluttering in his stomach.

.

.

It's a role reversal.

Everyone seems to know you. You remember the little details about them. Asking how their trip was, how their mom is doing.

You're popular, and Jake feels a little like an outcast. No one has given him a reason to feel that way. Not really, but he couldn't help feeling misplaced. Like a square peg trying to fit into a round hole.

Until you took him under your wing. Making him feel comfortable in this strange environment. 

Like many others, his face now brightens when you shine your light on him.

He remembers a little more, a lot more, about himself. Finds ease in his words and his body again.

Charisma and confidence once more rising to the surface. It always does with someone like Jake Kim. It’s embedded in his nature, fundamentally a part of who he is.

Being with you is uncomplicated, easy. Like how everyone always says it should be. He draws smiles and laughter from your lips, feeding on them like a lifestream.  Cracking cheesy jokes and puns that make you groan and lightly slap his arm with affection.

Jake thinks you're sweet and kind and all sorts of wonderful. Maybe funnier than he is, which is the greatest compliment he can give.

He's started to count your freckles every chance he gets.

.

.

You're doodling on his pad again. He's admiring your lashes.

Long and thick and luscious. But it's the way they frame your eyes, when you peer up at him with a softness, that makes his chest ache.

"I drew us," you whisper, and his eyes follow your pen. Two stick figures. One much taller than the others.

Maybe he's a bit too crazy about you, but he thinks that even these few lines are the essence of you two.

"What are we doing?" he whispers back. Your eyes drop to his lips, tracing the shape of them, the scar, words almost on the tip of your tongue-

Then it dissipates. 

You stare back at the drawing and give a shrug.

"Maybe this?" He draws what he hopes you can make out to be a bowl and some chopsticks.

"Food?"

"Sure." Jake musters up all his charm and gives you a grin, hoping it hides his nervousness. "Or dinner. A date."

He's trying for nonchalance. Like it wouldn't mean anything if you turned him down, preferring to stay friends or whatever this is-

"This Saturday?" you smile, and Jake nods, gives you a toothy grin back, dimples on full display.

You pick up your pen again and draw a little symbol over the figures. 

It’s a small heart, and his own soars.

[lizzyaka]

Man I love the secret history. But like... it's so strange that people can't love a book and also be horrified??? The characters make me sick to my stomach. I wish ppl would talk more about how Julian is perhaps the most dangerous out of all of them. They all already have issues, mostly from being insulated from real life bc of wealth + the aimlessness that comes from that, but they didn't HAVE to end up like that. Obviously they all played their parts and are Fucked Up.

At the same time Julian... scares me honestly. The others don't really scare me except maybe for Henry. He SEES how fucked up these kids are. And encourages them to be even worse. As their teacher, their only teacher. It's a cult!!! Ironically that French teacher at the beginning was completely right; it's chilling how much Julian isolates them, how deeply fucking elitist he is, how he molds and shapes all of them into his personal vision??? The almost god-like way they look at him?? His reaction to hunting for Bunny and comparing it to a Dostoyevsky novel. He doesn't care that they killed anyone! He just cares that he found them out, or that they didn't tell him. I can also never figure out if he slept with Henry or not. Idk there's just something about Julian that is deeply, deeply inhuman. While all the group is deeply fucked up, I think there's another level of evil to be an authority figure and to encourage that behavior. There is no way he didn't know they were all alcoholics or about Charles and Camilla. Interestingly, Richard observes him accurately before his judgment is clouded by endearment, that Julian seems nice but is incredibly manipulative, and that there is nothing behind his eyes. Bunny is easy to hate, he's a schoolyard bully. Julian is the type to encourage his student to stand up to him when he knows they'll lose, and gently persuade them that it's a lesson about the futility of fighting inevitable hierarchies. He makes my skin crawl. I love this fucking book.

I agree with everything you said and i think you worded it all so perfectly!

I dont like to blame everything on julian bc at the end of the day the class were grown adults and i cant standdd when people baby them but julian IS responsible for much of their behavior. The way i see it these were people who were always very isolated and as a defense mechanism they probably further alienated themselves by blaming it on their superiority (like, its not that i dont fit in bc im weird or different in a negative way but rather that im too intelligent and too special for everyone else) and julian only encouraged this mindset and not only endorsed their psychological estrangement from society but also PHYSICALLY isolated them. So this obviously is the main cause for them being so horrifyingly out of touch with reality which led them to commit murder so easily among other things (incest,suicide.....)

And about julian and henry having an affair IM SO GLAD YOU BROUGHT THAT UP BC IVE BEEN DYING TO TALK ABOUT THISSSS

I recently read this article called the secret oral history of Bennington which ill link (bennington is the college donna tartt went to that inspired hampden, as well as other authors such as bret easton ellis who btw is whom the secret history is dedicated to) and please i urge you to read it bc its fascinating. It doesnt focus solely on donna but it does talk a lot about her and gives so much insight into what inspired the secret history. did you know most characters are based on real people? This includes henry and julian. One of the things that stood out to me about the article was how common student-teacher relationships were in bennington and it reminded me of henry and julian and how i originally dismissed the idea of them being involved, but that it would make sense knowing that. AND IN FACTTT the man julian is based on WAS gay and notoriously pursued inappropriate relationships with a lot of his male students. So do with that information what you will but personally i do think they were sleeping together

[pinktie]

The headcanon that Kaito inherited his father's love of Lupin should be more popular, I like to think of him as partially French and a polygot so he's read the original and the translations. Also Kaito reading detective books to understand the mind of a critic and better deal with his enemies but the teen detectives around them just see another person who gets their references and will listen to them geek out about their favourites fictions with actual discourse from the listener (active listener Kaito for the sake of arguing or comforting/reassurance, my beloved), I love the idea of him accidentally bonding with people that want to befriend him despite his reluctance. Even better if Aoko reads both Lupin and mystery books to help her dad defeat Kid and out of an interest in befriending Hakuba...I feel like Kaito would get involved in things to humour Aoko or understand class trends but end up getting in to them, also he'd start things as they might help his magician or Kid exploits (inspiration! anything involving dexterity for instance he's easily convinced, bet he's very arts and craft proficient and knowledgable about children's stuff) and to improve the quality of his disguises too but always fall into the same trap of actually liking them and not being able to do things by halves. If he ends up being bad or disliking something Aoko will use it to make him suffer, because bullying is their main form of affection and they both like being superior as the teacher/mature figure that doesn't have any problem with x.

I agree

100%

Kaito, Aoko, Hakuba, (and maybe Akako) bond through books is so adorable.

"bullying is their main form of affection." This is so them.

[marie-swriting]

The Slut Of Hawkins | And The Freak - Eddie Munson [2/2]

Stranger Things Masterlist

Part one

Part one - two (French version)

Summary : After months of loneliness because of your reputation being destroyed, Eddie Munson is there for you.

Warning : slutshaming, mention of bullying (reader and Eddie getting bullied) (talk to someone if you're being bullied!), mention of bad relationship with parents, quick mention of drug, trust issues, angst, maybe some grammatical mistakes as English is not my first language, tell me if you see some or if I missed any warnings.

Word count : 4.9k

Song inspiration : Bad Reputation by Shawn Mendes

Your detention is over, finally allowing you to run away from a prison to go to another. You bid goodbye to the teacher and leave the school building. The parking lot is empty save some cars.

You’re walking toward the exit when you hear a voice holding you back. Before you have the time to turn around the person is already in front of you, panting. Steve is in front of you, panting. You try to walk past him yet he holds you back.

“What do you want?” you ask, drily.

“I… I just wanted to know… How are you?”

“Because you care now? Leave me alone.” you retort, trying to leave again.

“Y/N, wait!”

“What?”

“I’m sorry for everything that happened.” Steve starts with guilty eyes. “I didn’t mean for things to go that bad.”

“And yet, you did nothing to stop it. And don’t you even dare say I’m wrong.”

“I went to the principal as soon as everything went down with Jessica. I tried to explain the situation, to defend you but he didn’t want to-”

“I stopped waiting for you to take my defence more than a month ago, Steve.” you cut him off, annoyed. “At first, I stupidly thought you’d be on my side, that you’d defend me and you know what you did the first time I was humiliated in front of everyone, including you? You turned around and left me alone. I stopped counting on you a long time ago, Steve.”

“I know I acted like a coward but I want to make amends. It’s been going on for too long.”

“You want some kind of medal for your sudden realisation? It’s too late, Steve! There’s nothing left to do.”

“Y/N, please. You meant a lot to me.”

“It doesn’t feel like it!” you scream, clenching your fists. “You know, one day you told me I’d always be your favourite love, well, I’m telling you, you will always be the one I regret. The beautiful three months we spent together aren’t worth all the pain and the bullying I’ve been receiving.” you say, angry tears in your eyes. “You made me feel more alone than I’ve ever been. You said you wanted to be someone better, you have a lot of work left to do. I sincerely hope you’ll be able to do better. Either way, I don’t want to see it. Now, leave me alone.”

“Please, give me a chance.” Steve begs, grabbing your arm.

You’re about to reply to Steve when a van stops next to you. You both don’t pay attention to it until Eddie Munson’s voice cuts off your conversation.

“Hey, everything alright here?”

“We’re just talking.” Steve informs Eddie.

“Very well. Y/N, I’m still bringing you home tonight, right?”

At Eddie’s question, your eyebrows furrowed. You never talked with Eddie about him bringing you home; actually you never talked with Eddie before. Looking at him more carefully, you understand he’s just offered you a way out from your conversation with Steve. You’re about to accept when Steve beats you to it.

“I can bring her home.”

“Y/N?” Eddie insists.

“I’m going home with Eddie. Stop talking to me, Steve.”

Before Steve can add something else, you get in Eddie’s van without looking back. Eddie starts driving as soon as you close the door. You stay silent for a few seconds while a tear runs down your cheek, Eddie leans toward the glove compartment and takes a tissue before giving it to you. You softly thank him and wipe your cheeks. Once Eddie considers he’s at a good distance from school, he stops and turns to you.

“You want to talk about it?”

“Not really, no. I’m gonna leave here, there’s a bus soon.” you say, taking your school bag at your feet. “I don’t want to cause you any problems, especially if you’re in a relationship.”

“Good thing I don’t have a girlfriend, then.” he smiles. “And even if I did, I don’t care what they say about you so I don’t mind bringing you home.”

“Thanks.” you say before giving him your address. “Can we wait for a bit before going home? I don’t want to go now.”

“Sure.”

Eddie gives you as much time as you need to get a grip on yourself when you tell him you feel better, he starts driving the car again. You both stay silent almost the whole way home, Eddie supposes you need it; however he wants to put on some music, he clears his throat to catch your attention.

“Do you mind if I put some music on, as a background sound?”

“Not at all, go ahead. It’s your car, you don’t have to ask me.”

“It’s just, you seem lost in your thoughts, I don’t want to interrupt you.” Eddie explains whilst putting on a tape and turning down the volume a little.

“Sorry, I’m not very good company tonight.”

“That’s not what I meant. I guess you had a long day.”

“Let’s not talk about it, let’s talk about you.” you cut him off, turning to him. “Why did you finish school this late? I’m not judging, it’s just I know you’re not a fan of school.”

“That’s the least you can say.” Eddie laughs. “We had a meeting with the Hellfire club, we finished late.”

“What is your club about?”

“According to people outside of Hellfire, we worship Satan. Officially, we play Dungeons and Dragons.”

“Is it some kind of board game?” you question, curious. Edide lightly laughs at your guess.

“It’s a roleplay game.”

“Oh okay. Tell me more.”

Eddie doesn’t need you to ask him twice to start rambling. Instantly, he becomes happy while explaining the universe, the different characters and some of his campaigns. Eddie is the one who does all the talking, your answers are shorts, yet you listen to him carefully.

When you’re finally at your home, he forces himself to stop talking. Eddie parks a bit before your house - to be sure he won’t get you in trouble with your parents as he says with a humorous tone. Your heart tightens at his comment, Eddie, just like you, is a victim of the spitefulness of teenagers your age. You glance at your house before grabbing your bag and turning to Eddie.

“Thank you.” you say before pausing. “For bringing me home and for defending me last time.”

“Well, it wasn’t very useful considering they didn’t listen to me.”

“Sure but you were the only one on my side so just know, I appreciate it.”

“You’re welcome.” Eddie genuinely replies.

“I’m not gonna bother you any longer.”

You leave Eddie’s van though before you can walk away, Eddie leans toward the car window from the passenger side and opens it.

“Y/N, wait! I noticed you never eat at the cafeteria for lunch. If you want, you’re welcome at the Hellfire table.” he invites you, warming your heart.

“It’s very nice but I don’t like eating at the cafeteria with others.”

“Well, just so you know, in the woods behind school, there’s a picnic table almost no one knows about. I eat there sometimes. We can eat there tomorrow.”

“I… I’ll think about it.” you promise with a small smile. “Good evening, Eddie.”

Eddie smiles back at you while you slowly walk to your front door. When Eddie is sure you’re home safe, he leaves your street, going back to the trailer park.

From that night on, Eddie pays more attention to you. Of course, he’s heard all their rumours and all the variants. Yet, Eddie is known for not blindly following what he’s told about someone else. It’s been a long time since he’s wanted to talk to you; he knows all too well how isolating having this kind of reputation can be. Nevertheless, he didn’t know how to start a conversation with you, after all, you had never really talked before until he came to your rescue the last time you talked with Steve.

After a week of analysis, Eddie’s noticed some of your defence mechanisms. The first one he noticed before he even talked with you is that you never eat with someone else - he has some ideas on where you might go hiding to eat. He also knows you always take the long way home to avoid everyone; no matter if it’s to go to class or to go home. He knows this whole situation doesn’t stop at school, it also happens in your own home. Eddie wants to give you some support like he would have liked to have the first time he got bullied.

It’s actually the reason why he decides to wait after your detention again. He wants to talk with you without having someone interrupting you or making you run away. As soon as you leave school, Eddie gets out of his van and makes you a sign. You frown before walking toward him, slightly embarrassed.

“Were… were you waiting for me?”

“I wanted to see if you need a drive home.” Eddie proposes.

“I take the bus. Last time was an exception, not that I didn’t appreciate by the way.”

“I know but I thought that maybe I could bring you home every day.” he explains, pointing at his van. “As your detention always finishes late. And I can even make some detours so you don’t have to go home right away.”

“Why?” you ask, on the lookout.

“I noticed-”

“No, why are you proposing?” you specify, interrupting him. “You seem nice but we don’t know each other, I don’t know why you’d want to bring me home when you could leave school earlier.”

“I just want to.” he replies with a genuine tone. “Plus, last time, you said you’d eat with me and I waited the whole afternoon for you which isn’t very nice so you kinda owe me.” he jokes, making you smile.

“I said I’d think about it, I never confirmed anything.”

“True and maybe you didn’t come because you had some homework to do or just because we don’t know each other that’s why I thought that by being your driver, we could become friends and maybe you’d be less hesitant at the idea of eating with someone.” Eddie admits, yet, you stay sceptical. “Y/N, I swear I’m being honest here, I’m not trying to trap you.” he adds, taking a step towards you. “If you don’t want to, I leave you alone. If you agree but then you change your mind, I leave you alone, too. I’m just offering my service, nothing more.”

You stare at Eddie, trying to decipher him. You know Eddie’s reputation and no matter what people say about him, the fact is, he’s one of the rare people from school who never put you down and the only one who defended you in front of everyone. You feel like he means his words. You have no reason to doubt, but you can’t help it. Your mind shows you every worst case scenario, trying to prove you this situation could get worse. However, your guts tells you to trust him for some reasons. 

“Fine, I accept.” 

At your answer, a big smile takes place on Eddie’s face then he runs to dramatically open the door of the passenger side. You laugh at his antics before getting in his van.

This time, on the way home you’re more talkative. You ask him some questions about Dungeons And Dragons before the conversation goes to more basic topics. You enjoy Eddie’s eccentric personality. He makes you laugh out loud, something you hadn’t done the past two months. You’re even disappointed when you see Eddie stopping in your street,  you wish you could talk with him more. You thank him before leaving his van and going home with a genuine smile on your face.

During the following weeks, your friendship with Eddie is only composed of the conversations you two have when he brings you home. You know Eddie a bit better now and you have to admit, thanks to him, life at school is more enjoyable. You haven’t dared eating with him at the picnic table so far - that doesn’t mean you don’t want to, though.

Everytime he asks you, you want to accept, except you can’t help but think about what people could say about you if they saw you going to the woods with Eddie. A new rumour could start in a second. Things are finally calming down, you can’t risk going back to square one. Nevertheless, the more the time passes, the more you want to spend it with Eddie, therefore, on the day of your last detention, you finally decide to abandon the janitor's closet and walk to the woods. Eddie is already at the table, he’s started to eat his sandwich. The second he hears someone coming to him, he raises his head. Once he sees you, he gives up his sandwich and claps his hands.

“Ladies and gentlemen, she has come !” he says solemnly. “My God, I was afraid to eat all by myself once more.”

“Feels pathetic, right?” you laugh whilst Eddie invites you to sit down in front of him. “I thought that I refused your invitation too many times, I was afraid you’d refuse to bring me home in return.”

“Never.” Eddie affirms while you take out your lunch. “I like you too much to let you go.”

“So that’s your refuge when you don’t eat at the cafeteria?”

“Pretty cool, isn’t it?”

“More than the janitor’s closet.” you confirm.

“Is that where you usually eat?”

“At least, I run into no one.” you inform, starting to eat. “Eddie, can I ask you a question?” you ask after a pause.

“Tell me.”

“How do you do it? I mean, people have been saying awful things about you for years and I don’t feel like it’s hurting you. Maybe I’m wrong and you just hide it very well. Either way, I’d like to know.”

“I’m not gonna lie to you, at first, it was hard.” he confesses, avoiding your gaze. “I couldn’t stop thinking I must be the problem, if I weren’t like this maybe people wouldn’t say that. If I didn’t dress a certain way maybe they’d like me more.” Eddie adds, playing with his sandwich. “I spent the whole elementary school trying to find a reason, trying to find a way to be accepted until I realised they weren’t worth it.” he affirms, looking up at you. “I understood their opinions didn’t matter because they weren’t important to me. I understood I’d rather live like I wanted to rather than change myself and lose myself. At first, I felt alone until I met other outcasts like me. When people invent stories about you, it isolates you from the others and it creates damage; however the important thing to do is to be surrounded by the right people.”

“Beside you, I have no one.” you admit, sadly.

“Hellfire would be happy to have you.”

“Your friends don’t know me.”

“And I’m sure they’d like you if they did.”

“Maybe later.”

“Claiming back the insults they give you can help, too, you know.” Eddie specifies. “You can’t let their words hurt you. You have to create strength out of it. Now I can say I’m a freak and I’m proud of it.”

“Easier said than done.”

“I know, it’s an everyday work but you can do it.” Eddie encourages you, standing up to be next to you. “You have to take the strength away from these words. They hurt you because you think they’re negatives but if you make them something positive, they won’t have any more insults to tell you.”

“You’re not seriously suggesting that I say I’m slut and I’m proud of it?” you question, panicked. 

“I don’t want you to say, I want you to yell it.” he corrects.

“You’re stupid.”

“Come on, do it.” Eddie orders, forcing you to stand up.

“I’m not gonna do it.” you retort, crossing your arms on your chest. “I’ve spent months trying to get rid of this label, I’m not gonna put it on myself.”

“You should do it, it’ll free you.”

“I’m still not convinced.”

“Do you trust me or not?” Eddie asks, determined.

“Yeah but-”

“Then do it.” Eddie interrupts, uncrossing your arms.

“I’m a slut and I’m proud.” you say without much conviction.

“Louder!”

“I’m a slut and I’m proud.” you repeat a bit louder.

“Again!”

“I’m a slut and I’m proud!” you finally scream.

“That’s what I’m talking about!” Eddie yells while you smile because of his silliness. “Your smile is pretty by the way, you should show it more.”

Eddie means his words. He adores seeing you smile just like he loves hearing you laugh. By observing you these past few weeks, he quickly realised you usually keep a neutral expression - except the day you can’t hide your pain. He makes it his personal mission to give you back your smile. He wishes someone would have done the same for him when the bullying started. Eddie likes to think he makes your days a bit more bearable as well as your evenings when he brings you home.

The minute you leave your last detention, you hand back your essay on bullying to Mr. Kaminski with a big smile on your face. After a whole month, you’re finally free. You bid your teacher goodbye before running away from the place. As you walk through the corridor, your smile gets bigger when you think of what you’re going to say to Eddie about your last detention. Your turn in a new hallway where your locker is when you notice someone around it. Your smile fades and you trot towards the person, thinking you’ll find the one who is tagging your locker. At your surprise, you don’t find anyone from the basketball team nor Jessica but Eddie as he tries to scrub with a towel the insult which was written the day before.

“What are you doing?” you question, startling Eddie.

“My God, you scared me! I’m cleaning your locker. What do you think I’m doing?” he answers as if it was obvious whilst showing the towel in his hand.

“It’s very nice, I just didn’t ask you to do it.”

“I know.”

“You can stop, the janitor will take care of it tomorrow, as he always does.”

“You’ll wait a long time.” Eddie laughs as he keeps washing off.

“What do you mean?”

“The janitor is not the one who cleans these horrors off your locker. I do. And sometimes, I can also get rid of some notes that stick out.” Eddie informs, surprising you.

“Wh- why?”

“You don’t deserve to have your locker tagged.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t want you to think I was doing this out of interest.”

Eddie looks into your eyes as he says his last sentence while your heart misses a beat. You didn’t know Eddie cared since the beginning. He’s always been kind to you and thanks to him, you’ve been feeling better. He’s one of the rare good things that’s happened to you; his friendship is precious to you. You don’t know what you would have become without him. You keep gazing at each other lovingly until Eddie clears his throat.

“I’m almost done. And no, you can’t help me.” he quickly adds as you were about to reply. “Wait for me in the van, I only need a few more minutes.”

Eddie’s keys in hands, you get closer to him and kiss his cheek before muttering ‘thank you’. Eddie’s heart jumps at this contact. He stupidly smiles while you leave the building.

After that day, you let your guard down, allowing yourself to fully trust Eddie. Besides your friendship going to the next level, you feel like this whole thing with Steve is behind you. You believe you can have some kind of normal life. At least, it’s the case at school, your parents aren’t over it, they keep talking about it and since they’ve discovered your friendship with Eddie - once again because of Miss. Johnson, your neighbour - it’s worse. Thankfully, Eddie’s support makes things easier.

As a consequence, you accept to do the one thing you’ve been avoiding the past three months: eating at the cafeteria. You feel ready to face the potential stare from the others - with Eddie’s support, obviously. Before walking through the cafeteria’s door, Eddie makes sure you’re okay before putting a hand on your back and inviting you to take the first step. At first, no one notices you which makes you sigh in relief. However, as soon as you arrive at the Hellfire table, some people start whispering whilst pointing at you. You ignore it while Eddie introduces you to his friend.

Lunch goes smoothly until Jessica and her friends walk by you.

“Wow, the slut and the freak, they’re a good fit for each other! She’s probably with him out of interest, if you know what I mean.” she says whilst bringing an imaginary joint to her lips.

You don’t pay attention to it, knowing all too well it’d be a waste of your time to face them. Furthermore, you don’t want to go back to detention once more. You focus back on what Eddie is saying about his last campaign, listening in silence. During the whole time, you stay silent, not understanding half of their references. The few ones you get are thanks to Eddie who’s introduced you to Star Wars and some other universes he likes.

“Are you gonna be there for the next Hellfire session?” Josh asks you.

“Oh, huh, I don’t think so. I’ve never played DnD.”

“You should come.” another person from the club replies.

“See, I told you they would like you to come.” Eddie says with a satisfied smile.

“I’ll think about it then.”

“Let’s talk about you.” Nick starts. “Is it true what people say? I gotta admit I don’t know how you could have dated Harrington. This guy is superficial and according to what Eddie told us, you’re totally different from him so I don’t see why you’d want to steal him from Nancy. Besides, even about Nancy, I…”

You don’t let Nick finish his sentence before trotting out of the cafeteria. You’re tearing up as you go through different corridors, not knowing where you want to go. Eddie goes after you, not without glaring at his friend. Eddie screams your name while he runs behind you but you don’t listen to him. You get closer to the school exit when Eddit catches you. He puts his hands on your shoulder before standing in front of you.

“Let me go, Eddie.” you order, getting out of his grip.

Eddie raises his hands to show he doesn’t want to hurt you. He keeps a good distance from you before talking.

“Don’t listen to what he said. He doesn’t know what he’s talking about.”

“It’s not about what he said.” you specify. “He said nothing wrong technically. It just shows that even if the rumours aren’t spreading as much, everyone still thinks about it. Your friends talk about it, people point at me, even my parents still talk about it ! And now that we hang together, I’m afraid they’ll talk about you, too.”

“You know I don’t care what they say.” Eddie reassures you.

“I do! You had to face this for too long and I don’t want to be the reason you receive new insults. Besides, until everyone forgets all about it, they’ll always find a reason to call me a slut again. New rumours are probably already spreading thanks to Jessica.”

“Don’t listen to her. You remember what we talked about, you’re a slut and you’re proud of it so we don’t care about her.”

“I care.” you retort, firmly. “She almost ruined my school year and my relationship with my parents is at its lowest since our fight. And now, they know we’re friends and they start criticising me again. I felt like everything was going fine but now, it still seems so fragile, as if everything could go back to what it used to be in an instant.”

“It won’t be the case.” Eddie promises you, getting closer to you. “Plus, you’re not alone. You got me.”

“Why do you insist so much? We didn’t even know each other before all of this.”

“It’s true and at first, I wanted to talk to you to be sure you weren’t going through all of this alone but now, I care about you. I like you a lot and-”

“That’s what you say now until the day you’ll be fed up with all of this.” you interrupt him, having a flashback from your relationship with Steve.

“Y/N, I mean it when I say I don’t care what they say about you. I know they gave you a bad reputation because of your relationship. They don’t know what you’ve been through and Steve didn’t know how to be here for you but I’m not like him. You probably have some issue trusting me but have some faith in me when I say I’m not like them and that I like you a lot.” he affirms, putting his hand on your cheek. “You know I only follow my own rules and I’ll need more than a few rumours to make me run away.”

“I-”

“I know you’re scared to be hurt again and it’s okay.” he cuts you off, “but I promise you, I will always be by your side and trust me when I tell you I could be the one to treat you right, unlike the others, I know you’re an amazing girl and I don’t want to lose my chance. You mean a lot to me and I’m not gonna let you slip through my fingers because of some brainless teenagers.” Eddie says and you take a step back. “Don’t push me away because you’re scared. Don’t let go because of this reason. You can’t let them dictate your life anymore.”

“I thought I was ready but I’m not.” you inform, going backward. “Sorry, Eddie.”

And on those words, you leave school. You don’t care if you have some classes left, you need to get away. You need to take a step back from this whole situation. Eddie lets you go with a heavy heart, understanding your reasons.

The following day, you avoid Eddie like the plague, you know you got scared and the way you pushed Eddie away isn’t fair, considering everything he’s done for you but you can’t help it. Everything went downhill without a warning last time and you never want to go through this again so you preferred to run away before it could get worse. 

Nevertheless, it doesn’t mean you’re not hurting. You miss Eddie. You knew you cared about him though before avoiding him, you didn’t know just how much. You have to stop yourself from running to him; you just want to be in his protective arms like the time you brokedown the first time you came to his place. You need him more than you imagined. And this feeling of missing him doesn’t get better when you discover a note in your locker. At first, you think about throwing it away, fearing another insult except you recognise Eddie’s handwriting. Your heart tightening, you open it and read it:

“Y/N, 

I know why you pushed me away but please, think about it before isolating yourself once more. You know it’s not good. I’m here for you and I always will be, even if you only talk to me in thirty years. You mean a lot to me so I will always be by your side during the good and the hard times, especially during the hard ones.

I miss my friend. I miss your laugh. I miss your smile. I need my friend. All I need is you.

Please, don’t cut me out of your life because you’re scared of getting hurt or what people might say about me. I just want you, I don’t care about them. 

Eddie”

After ignoring him for more than a week, you can’t stay away from Eddie any longer, you miss your friend too much. Eddie’s little note worked on you, though you try to deny it at first.

While you’re leaving school, you see Eddie close to his van talking to a Hellfire member. You watch him from afar, searching for what you want to tell him. The second you think you know what to say, you start walking toward him as you keep your eyes on his figure. You’re only a few metres away when his friends leave, allowing Eddie to notice you; he smiles as soon as he sees you. Eddie is about to talk to you when you put your hands on his cheeks and press your lips on his. Eddie is stunned at first then he kisses you back, enjoying your touch. You can hear some people talking around you but you don’t pay attention, only deepening the kiss. Eddie feels his heart exploding as he realises that for the first time in a while, you do something you want without caring what people might say about you. Eddie hands go from your hips to your cheeks, bringing you closer to him. Once you’re out of breath, you regretfully break the kiss, you have an idiotic smile on your face as you take in the moment.

“I don’t care what they say either. I just want you and that’s all that matters.” you affirm. “They can talk all they want, as long as I have you, I don’t care.”

Part one

Stranger Things Masterlist

[purple-scrunchie]

Heathers Headcanons that Live Rent-Free in my Brain

(Some of these are new, some have been rotting in my notes app since January lol also LONGPOST WARNING up ahead.)

Veronica:

Was also a wolf kid (iykyk), wore those dog ear headbands to school from the middle of 3rd to the beginning of 5th grade

Has a pet corn snake named Cornelius. She's had him since she was 12 and loves him dearly

Can't even be trusted with a toaster in the kitchen, can and will find a way to set something on fire

Her favorite movie series is Indiana Jones. She loves the thril of the action scenes and the concept of carefree adventuring

Fucking unstoppable at just dance. She wins by a landslide every time

Had one of those giant picture encyclopedias as a kid

Despite spending so much time journaling and studying people's handwriting, hers is still a mesy disaster (this annoys Chandler to no end)

Likes to doodle in her journal too

has been journaling almost every day since she was 8. She keeps all of her old finished journals in a locked box under her bed

Loves making friendship bracelets for everybody she appreciates

Was absolutely a band kid. She played trumpet but quit sophomore year because she couldn’t stand Kurt and Ram anymore (they were just there to get some elective credits in)

Heather Chandler:

Hates everyone except her favorite three people (Duke, Mac, and Ronnie) And sometimes even them

Gets fucking livid when people touch her stuff without asking (this includes Veronica)

Especially if you touch her hair/skincare stuff (which is one of those 989,752,300 step process ones)

If she doesn’t get her beauty sleep, she’s even more of a megabitch than usual

Super protective of her friends and loyal to a fault. Once you're in her inner circle, there's no escape

Speaks french fluently

Most of the time she spends with her parents is on the whole-summer trips to France they drag her on. She despises these with a burning passion

Learned how to paint in France, and she's gotten pretty good at it over the years

Has gorgeous, looping cursive handwriting and insists on writing everything in red ballpoint pen. (Her teachers hate this)

Almost always has really vivid lucid dreams. She writes them down in a dream log and they’re her main artistic inspiration

Secretly loves Romance novels. Will read them and giggle like an excited 12-year-old when she's alone

Heather McNamara:

Was super clumsy before she started cheer. It’s definitely not as bad as before, but it’s still there. She’ll still trip over her own feet sometimes

Lactose intolerant, but her favorite drink is milk

Loves to click her pens in class

Goes through chewing gum at frightening speeds (think a pack or more a day)

Is really close to her dad

Whenever her dad goes on a business trip, he brings her a new hair ribbon. She keeps them all in a drawer in her nightstand.

Was the biggest horse girl as a kid

Will still happily talk about horses for hours

Loves astrology even more. Her dad cuts out the horoscope section of the daily paper for her and she keeps them filed away by date and season

Loves to read her friends their horoscopes

Definitely has a million constellation/planet charts all over her walls

If it doesn't have mustard on it, she won't eat it

Carries around a bottle of spicy mustard for this exact reason

Heather Duke:

Literally like 5'0 (152.5 cm)

Will not be caught dead without her heels on

Has two younger siblings, Hunter (12) and Hannah (also 12, they’re twins)

Has a black cat named Gatsby

Gatsby loves to curl up on her neck when she reads, and she’ll absentmindedly scratch behind his ears

Her parents forced her to play the piano from like 1st grade onwards. She has the skills of a concert pianist but hates the instrument with a burning passion

Her car is a 1980 Jeep CJ5

Secretly really likes cars. Will talk to McNamara about cars while McNamara reads her horoscope

Loves to fix her friends' cars

DESPISES condiments. She believes that if you can't eat it plain, it's not worth eating. (the exception to this is hotsauce lol)

Has a bunch of cute stationary and study materials (y'know, all the glittery gel pens and color-coded sticky notes) but uses them for the dumbest things

JD:

5’10 and still growing

Was really into dinosaurs when he was younger. He still has a collection of little plastic ones in his room that he sometimes (though he’d never admit it) gets out and plays with

Cooking shows are his guilty pleasure. He fucking loves being in the kitchen, it’s almost as safe to him as a 7/11

He cooks as a form of self-expression

Loves to bake too, will make things for his friends

Tried to make Chandler an apology cake one time (which did NOT end well for either of them)

One of his most prized possessions is the blue and black friendship bracelet Veronica made for him when they met. He wears the damn thing everywhere and it’s getting beat up

Loves to take walks alone in the dark or the rain. He thinks it’s nice and peaceful

Constantly losing pens. Was it the trenchcoat's fault? Probably. Will he get out of the trenchcoat? Absolutely not.

Hope you found some you enjoy lol, PLEASE feel free to add on/tell me your own/send requests for more!

[peacefulpianist]

Hi there! Welcome to my masterlist. Each piece has its individual warnings at the top, above the read more cut, most pieces are 18+ so far.

My AO3

Thing I can't believe I have to say already:

1) Do NOT post my work on other sites please (the only places I post them are here and AO3, both under the same name),

2) I absolutely do NOT give my permission for any of my work to be fed to any form of AI/chatbot software etc. Please don't do this.

Now that's over with, enjoy!

The Green Dress:

Part One w/c: 4.2k

When Stark invites you last minute to one of his infamous parties, you've not got many options on hand to wear until Nat suggests you wear the green dress you had bought months ago. Perhaps it will be enough to inspire a certain god to finally make his move.

Part Two w/c: 2.3k

The smutty end to your night together. 18+

Quarantined:

Quarantined w/c: 4.8k

After an intel mission on a new neurotoxin that hydra may have, you and Loki are forced to quarantine together when it's discovered you may have encountered a new virus. 18+

Not Fair:

Not Fair

Loki overhears you complaining about the inadequacies of your latest lover to Nat and Wanda one night, and decides it's time for him to show you how they do it in Asgard. Inspired by the Lily Allen song 'Not fair' after rediscovering it the other day after a conversation with a friend. 18+

Sculpt me like one of your French girls:

Sculpt me like one of your French girls

Your friend Lena has brought you along to one of her pottery classes, convinced that the teacher is your perfect man. She's not wrong. 18+

Honey, are you coming?:

Honey, are you coming?

You find yourself thinking back on the night you and Loki got together for the first time, the teasing, the flirting, the dancing and of course the fucking...

Loosely based of the Maneskin song 'Honey, are you coming', I'd recommend listening to it as you read if you feel like it. 18+

I'm currently open to taking requests, but reserve the right to turn any down if I don't feel comfortable writing it :)

Reblogs and comments are HUGELY appreciated, and I welcome any thirst over our favourite god and actor.

I'm open to any constructive criticism of my writing as I'm still new to it and have much to learn, just as long as it truly is constructive.

If you wish to be added or removed from my tag list please let me know, as always there will be no hard feelings or questions asked 🥰

(also please let me know if any of the links don't work, I'm still new to the creating posts side of Tumblr)

-Peacefulpianist x

[mariacallous]

There is a respectable way of betraying Ukraine. You do not spew out Russian propaganda like Trump and his admirers, and revel in Ukrainian suffering. Rather, you behave like a decent and solid European liberal, who deplores imperialism, but nevertheless refuses to supply Ukraine with the weapons it needs.

You rarely find the courage to spell it out bluntly, because plain speaking would make you sound cruel and selfish, but an element among progressive Europeans believes that Ukrainians must suffer for the sake of keeping progressive Europeans safe.

Like a sadistic teacher beating a pupil, they insist that they are doing it for the best of motives. We are not selling out Ukraine because we want to, they say. Good God, no! How can anyone believe such a calumny? We are acting for the greater good.

The model they invoke is the outbreak of the First World War.

We are so used to appeasement, Nazism and the holocaust being used and abused in contemporary discourse it is easy to miss how the disaster of 1914 can still influence thoughtful people, particularly thoughtful people on the European centre-left.

The story of the arrogant great powers unintentionally unleashing a conflict that destroyed Europe, and led to communism, fascism, the second world war, the partition of Germany and the cold war, can have a paradoxical effect.

You might have thought that German war guilt from the Nazi era would lead to social democrats being unequivocal in their opposition to Russian attempts to find lebensraum in Ukraine.

But the First World War allows a way out. War guilt does not inspire opposition to tyranny but opposition to war.

The righteous course is to go easy on the aggressors. Otherwise, we might sleepwalk into a disaster where a humiliated Russia unleashes its full power and lets loose nuclear weapons.

As its frontline comes under pressure and supplies of weapons, munitions and men fall low, Ukrainians are given stern lectures from Olaf Scholz’s coalition on the need for restraint, even as they stare catastrophe in the face.

This month Scholtz, with the support of the German centre-left, refused to send Ukraine Taurus missiles. They have a 500km range (far beyond the range of their French and British counterparts).  Their  delivery would open up the possibility of Ukraine destroying the Kerch bridge, which allows supplies into Russian-occupied Crimea. 

But as they could also hit targets deep in Russian territory, Germany would not part with them. German troops would need to be deployed to monitor their use, and that Berlin would not contemplate,

“That is a red line that I don’t want to cross as chancellor,” Scholz explained before adding for the sake of the confused that, “prudence should not be qualified as weakness… we will do everything possible to prevent war between Russia and NATO."

All right, Lord Cameron, the British foreign secretary said, the UK will deliver more of its missiles to Ukraine and replenish its depleted stocks with German replacements. But Scholz would not accept his compromise. He and his supporters remain petrified of Russian escalation, of a nuclear war, of unforeseen events spiralling out of control as they did in 1914.

I am not putting my gloss on their motives.

Germany’s leaders are explicit about their horrified fascination with the First World War, and their belief that we can learn about 2024 from 1914.

At the start of the conflict Scholz declared, “I am not Kaiser Wilhelm”.  He would not let Germany slide into a European war. Anyone trying to understand the German establishment should note the phenomenal success of Christopher Clark’s The Sleepwalkers: How Europe Went to War in 1914.

The German edition sold 350,000 copies. Angela Merkel urged her ministers to read the book, foreign minister Frank-Walter Steinmeier invited Clark to debate the art of diplomacy, and the late ex-chancellor Helmut Schmidt drew parallels between 1914 and the Ukraine crisis in his last article for Die Zeit, entitled, unsurprisingly, Us sleepwalkers.

The Guardian reported that Olaf Scholz cited Clark’s book in an off-the-record conversation with international media as a case study in how irresponsible politicians could goad each other through bellicose rhetoric into a conflict that wasn’t in any of their interests.

Clark’s book is a magnificent history but, as Scholz’s comments show, that is not why he is so popular in Germany.

More than any other modern historian Clark dispensed with the notion of German responsibility for the war. All the European po​wers made huge miscalculations. None understood the consequences of their actions.

Clark wrote:

“The crisis that brought war in 1914 was the fruit of a shared political culture. But it was also multipolar and genuinely interactive – that is what makes it the most complex event of modern times and that is why the debate over the origins of the First World War continues, one century after Gavrilo Princip fired those two fatal shots on Franz Joseph Street."

It would be too crude to say that Clark sold so well because he destroyed the notion of war guilt, which the allies demanded the defeated Germany accepted in the Treaty of Versailles. There was no nationalist chest beating in the reception he received. Rather, Clark’s emphasis of unintended consequences appealed to the cautious, pacific strain in German thought, particularly when it lands on Russia.

After the Russian invasion of Ukraine in 2022, headlines in the serious German press proclaimed “The New Sleepwalkers” and “The Return of the Sleepwalkers”. Writing in Der Freitag, the commentator Christoph Schwennicke warned that heavy-weapons exports to Kyiv could become “the Sarajevo incident of a Third World War”.

As a historical comparison, the link between the First World War and the Russian invasion of Ukraine does not work. Christopher Clark intervened to tell his German readers that the First World War began “in an incredibly complex, around-the-houses way”. Whereas “in the case of the invasion of Ukraine, in 2014 and in 2022, “it’s quite clearly a case of the breach of the peace by just one power”.

“It’s a very different set-up. There’s no Balkan crisis, there’s no sequence of will-they won’t-they decisions. Europe is not divided into a binary pair of alliance systems. In Europe, at least, Russia is isolated this time.”

His intervention had no effect on German policy. What German commentators take from the disaster of 1914 is not an intelligent analysis but the simple lesson that no one can predict the future.

 As Phillips O’Brien, the great academic authority on the war put in his Substack the consequence is that for Scholz, “the escalation fears and a desire for practically any peace deal, even one that would be destructive to Ukraine, would be the ultimate German policy”.

It is indeed a trivial truth to say that no one can predict the future.

But two arguments against the German position remain. At every stage of this war, its caution has proved false. Scholz, and on several occasions the Biden administration, said that if Ukraine received modern weapons, or if it attacked Crimea or Russian territory, Putin would escalate the conflict. And at every stage they have been wrong.

A little humility would be order, although none is on display.

More pertinently they fail to see a plausible nightmare.

The war does not end in a frozen conflict in this scenario. The Ukrainian frontline collapses, and the Russians advance towards Kyiv. Poland thinks it has no choice but to intervene. Europe looks to America for leadership. But there is none. Donald Trump is in the White House and he has no interest in stopping Putin.

Then what? Where does a victorious Putin leave Germany and Europe? It is these considerations that have turned Macron into anti-Putin hawk. He has the imagination that Scholz and much of the German establishment lack.

He can see the disaster that would overcome Europe if Putin triumphs. By contrast, Scholz and much of the German establishment have a one-track mind.

They take the moments of history that suit them. They narrow their focus as they – what else? – sleepwalk towards disaster.

[moonoftemperance]

Coquette/ Faunlet movies to watch on Tubi

Hey guys and todays blog will be about movies I recommend watching on Tubi.. Hope you like them

The devil in the flesh is about a teenage girl who has a craze obsession with a teacher that turns deadly

This movie in my opinion is like The crush if she's on steroids

Dirty girl is about a troubled teenage girl who goes on a journey with a gay boy in her class to find her father

I loved this movie the aesthetics of it was badass and its gives off Coquette runaway vibes

Yes, God, Yes is about a Catholic girl who struggles between faith and sexual pleasures also the irony of people in the religion

I like this movie because growing up Christain it hits home

Tank girl is based of a zine comic back in the 80s (I think) about a girl who saves the world from evildoers from stealing water and saves her friend who got kidnap by them

I recommend this movie GREATLY mainly because the outfits are so cute and Tank girl's personality is bold and funny

Before the dawn is about a teacher who moved to a different state to start a teaching job and creates a relationship with one of her students

I think the movie was ok put i decided to put it on here because the boy she falls for has this bad boy Faunlet vibe

Teenage cocktail is about a lesbian teen girl who meets a girl named Jules at her first day of school who introduce her to a world of being a cam girl but eventually turns deadly

I like this movie and I'm convinced that this film was inspired Euphoria

And last and not least we got.. Lila says

Lila says is a French film about a Arab teen boy who meets a new girl who moved in his rundown neighborhood named Lila who talks about her sexual fantasies and dreams in life

This movie is so good and sad I love the quotes and I'm shocked that this movie isn't posted in Coquette accounts even the quotes its so iconic

Ok everyone everyone that is it for the recommendations.. Tell me what you think? Until the next blog.. See ya!

[thelostgirl21]

You know what, I think I'm going to say it here, because I believe it deserves to be heard, especially by the people of my own LGBTQ+ community.

If you identify as queer (or any other LGBTQ+ identity), and agree that it is "gross" that Netflix chose to "age up a child" (Prince Radovid), so that he could be put in a romantic and sexual relationship with Jaskier on the Netflix TV show, it is a very good example of what we mean when we talk about internalized homophobia.

It is not your fault; it is something that was done to you and against you.

But I sincerely believe that, sadly, you haven't realized the troubling implications of that argument, nor the way that it is directly targeting the queer community, especially queer men.

Because, in the source material, Prince Radovid and Jaskier are two characters that never interact nor have any type of relationship together.

Actually, Prince Radovid is literally described as "a person without any significance in a country ruled by the Regency Council" (The Lady Of The Lake, Book 7).

[Note for those of you unfamiliar with the books: Prince Radovid appears in a single scene of "The Lady of the Lake", where the young prince gets upset that the other kings (Foltest, Demavend, Henselt) bribed people in the crowd to cheer for them, the Free Company, Hemmelfart, Dijkstra and the Regency Council, without acknowledging the role that his own father had played in making the thing they are all cheering for happen, nor his mother and himself as the actual rulers of Redania (rather than Dijkstra and the Council).

And Sapkowski concludes the scene with one line of epilogue saying that, in the future, he'll make them all pay for those insults, and will become known in history as "Radovid the Stern".]

Had the source material featured a significant friendship between the adult character of Jaskier and 12-year-old Prince Radovid...

Had Jaskier acted as a guardian, teacher, parental figure, etc. to that young boy...

Had they had a canonically established relationship in the source material, featuring an age-related power imbalance between them (like Geralt and Ciri), and

Had Netflix chosen to erase that loving healthy adult-child dynamic - that would've been at the core of their relationship - to replace it with a romantic and sexual relationship instead, I would have 100% understood that it would have made people feel uncomfortable.

Because, had they suddenly decided that Ciri would be a 35-year-old when her home was destroyed and she found herself under Geralt's protection on the show, just so that Geralt could fall in love with his Child of Surprise and have wild heterosexual sex with her, I would have understood why a bunch of people would've gotten upset at Netflix for "only aging up a child so that Geralt could fuck her!"

But we're talking about two characters that never met; including one (Prince Radovid) that is so insignificant to what happens in The Witcher's story (according to Sapkowski, at least), that CD Projekt Red were able to create their own original villain off of him (i.e. inventing a story between him and Philippa where she sort of raised and traumatized him following the death of his father, leading to him becoming fearful and hateful towards mages, etc.), while continuing the story beyond Sapkowski's intended ending (something I'm pretty sure Netflix has no intention of doing for now).

TV show Prince/King Radovid is his own character, that has been written by Netflix to suit the purposes of the show.

Videogame Prince/King Radovid is his own character, that has been written by CD Projekt Red to suit the purposes of the games.

And both of these characters were inspired by "a person without any significance in a country ruled by the Regency Council" in the books, that will one day grow up to become king long after the story of the three main characters has been concluded.

In French, the slur word being used for gay men is a shortened version of a word meaning "grown men having sex with young boys"; and the idea that gay men are naturally more prone to wanting to have sex with children than heterosexual men are has long been one of the most common fears associated with homosexuality.

Saying that they "aged up a child to make Jaskier queer" - while trying to make it sound like it would be immoral or problematic to do so - is thus heavily leaning into the specific belief that gay sex between two queer men is an act of predation.

Agreeing that there's something that should make one feel uncomfortable about Netflix having aged Prince Radovid to suit their own storytelling purposes, including their decision to adapt him as an adult character that becomes romantically and sexually involved with another adult man, is basically openly implying that, since Jaskier is shown as becoming sexually attracted to an adult version of the character, had he and Radovid met in those books, he would still have "naturally harbored sexual desires" for the 12-year-old kid version of him.

It is heavily implying that there could have been something potentially problematic about the relationship dynamic between book Radovid and a queer Jaskier, that Netflix attempted to "fix" by making the character older.

And, if that's not an argument deeply rooted in homophobia, I don't know what is!

Netflix's Prince Radovid is a fully grown adult gay man that falls in love with a fully grown pansexual man.

And, had that same Jaskier from the show (or even the Jaskier from the books, that English readers and gamers also know as "Dandelion") met a 12-year-old Prince Radovid in the books, nothing romantic or sexual would have happened between them.

It's as simple as that.

Nothing gross or unnatural about it.

[anjo404]

I just realized there's no info about each of my characters, so. Here it is!

Tw: Spoilers for Poppy Playtime, Gore, General body horror, Dead children/teens/adults, (all mentioned but not pictured).

Frankie/Angel!

Originally meant to be the Bigger Bodies CraftyCorn, she had escaped on 8/7/1995 only to be brought back in by vivid nightmares and an anonymous letter in Sunny's handwriting 10 years later on 8/8/2005, the 10 year anniversary of the factory's sudden and unusual closing. Back when she first got here at 8 years old, she meet her best friend Sunny in the Game Station, with the two quickly being inseparable ever since! At 14, Angel worked as a gopher for the School and Counselor's Office, constantly running back and forth to deliver packages and letters to the teachers and staff. She has had severe memory loss ever since she left the factory, with her not being able to remember most of her childhood no matter how hard she tries. It's partially the reason she returned.

Fun fact! The person to start calling her Angel was Sunny himself, and it just stuck!

Sunshine/Sunny!

This excitable young man is the Bigger Bodies Dogday! (No image attached) He was the one to advise Angel not to come back to the factory, no matter the reason, and despite her disobeying him, he's just happy to see his dear friend again! When Sunny was asked about the letter Angel received, he claimed he didn't write it and has no idea who could have replicated his handwriting like that. He first arrived at the factory at 9 years old, in the same group Angel did, and they became best friends in an instant! at 15, Sunny was working as a children's therapist, constantly making sure that every child was well and happy before he was turned into what he is now.

Fun fact! Just like he started calling Frankie Angel, she was the one to start calling him Sunshine/Sunny! His real name is currently unknown.

Design inspired by @springtime-offrd on tumblr.

By the way, Angel is French and Sunny is Korean/Irish

[evaskjew]

My first painting (and quite possibly my only drawing) of Evangeline!

Taking the screenshot I used as a reference (I just imagined her haircut and some of her facial features which aren't the same as in my reference image), I was inspired to write a bit about her.

Warning, this is going to be a bit long (~2,9k words)

The Defence Against the Dark Arts tower was noisy. Numerous students were coming and going, some settling in corners to chat, while others took the opportunity to have tea near the Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom. Evangeline wandered through the immense spaces of the tower, utterly disoriented and lost. She had not yet had time to get her bearings in this vast castle. Hogwarts was still unknown to her, having arrived at the British school only the previous day. Hogwarts was nothing like the classical French Renaissance style of Beauxbâtons, reminiscent of Chambord. The castle was darker, more labyrinthine than the French magical academy. Evangeline was certainly unsettled by her new school, but she knew it was only a matter of time before she adapted to her new British environment.

More generally, Hogwarts was quite different from Beauxbâtons in other respects. For one, she had discovered the previous day that in the fifth year, students had to take their OWLs (whereas the equivalent exams in the French school were taken in the sixth year). Furthermore, she was very surprised to have to undergo a sorting ceremony into a house. This system was completely foreign to the French school and had been a significant source of stress for her. Evangeline wanted to keep a low profile at her new school. Being a foreigner and struggling with English, particularly because of her pronounced French accent, she did not want to attract more attention to herself. But that was a failed endeavour.

During the sorting ceremony, being new in the fifth year and without a house, she had to be sorted after all the first years. Naturally, all eyes were on her that evening. She felt uncomfortable, like a lamb among wolves, which triggered her social anxiety. She took great effort to conceal this anxiety and act as if everything was fine. She was accustomed to repressing her emotions and appearing normal, so to speak, to others. Deep down, Evangeline despised her social anxiety. She would have loved not to have it, but it was beyond her control. She hated feeling watched like that; it made her uncomfortable. She wished she were different, more confident like her younger sister Lucille, who enjoyed undeniable popularity at Beauxbâtons. Evangeline envied her sister a little. She too would like to be as comfortable around others. Her reserved nature and significant lack of self-confidence were considerable social obstacles for Evangeline.

The most awkward moment that night was when she had to join her house table. As she walked silently, she could feel the eyes following her. She could sense the heads turning as she made her way to her table. And once seated, she could still feel the gaze of the students at the neighbouring table, the Slytherins, who were staring at her. Perhaps it was curiosity. After all, it’s quite unusual to see someone join the school in the fifth year. At least that’s what Evangeline told herself to ease her discomfort about the attention from her housemates, whom she spent the evening trying to avoid, pretending not to understand much and blaming it on fatigue.

Even though Evangeline managed to dodge social interactions upon her arrival at Hogwarts, it was a different story on her first day of classes. The day itself wasn’t very demanding: only two classes. One in Defence Against the Dark Arts and one in Charms. Nothing too alarming on the surface. She had similar classes at Beauxbâtons; all she needed to do was what she did there: stay in the background and be as inconspicuous as possible. Fortunately, she was quite good at this; the teachers rarely called on her, and she was almost invisible, as if she had mastered the Disillusionment Charm.

But events took a different turn. In Defence Against the Dark Arts, Professor Hecat asked Evangeline to duel another student. And Charms class wasn’t any better. When Professor Ronan took the class outside for a practical activity on the Summoning Charm (which greatly intrigued Evangeline, as she had never seen such an approach before, not even at Beauxbâtons), Evangeline was once again surprised to find the professor making her duel another - or rather another - student. Naturally, in both cases, the entire class had their eyes fixed on poor Evangeline again. These were the most interminable hours of class for Evangeline. All she wanted was to disappear, to cast a Memory Charm on her entire class to be forgotten. She was convinced everyone would talk about her and her “exploits,” if they could be called that.

With the Charms class being the last of the day, Evangeline now had free time until dinner. While most students were lounging around and meeting in different parts of the castle, Evangeline just needed to find a place to be alone. Solitude didn’t bother her; at least it didn’t anymore. One could say that at Beauxbâtons, solitude had become Evangeline's best friend, as other students completely ignored her without her understanding why. In any case, Evangeline was used to being overlooked and knew that the French academy students whispered about her as soon as her back was turned. Even though she no longer paid much attention - not to give credence to what she heard - she remained deeply saddened. Unconsciously, Evangeline had begun to think that what was said about her at Beauxbâtons might be true. Maybe she had a problem. But how could she know? She had no one to talk to and confide in about her feelings. The only escape and defensive strategy she had developed was to retreat into her cocoon, her bubble, finding a secluded spot to be alone with her thoughts.

But at Hogwarts, Evangeline no longer had any landmarks or anchors to hold on to. This is why she wandered through the noisy corridors of the Defence Against the Dark Arts tower. All she wanted was to find a place of her own, a small, isolated, and quiet corner, away from the bustling tide of students. The tower seemed immense to Evangeline. There were far too many stairs, making her feel like she was moving in place despite her progress. “This castle is a real maze���” she thought. However, she had to admit that from the little she had explored of Hogwarts, the Defence Against the Dark Arts tower was one of the most beautiful places in the castle for her. Bright, with beautiful stained glass windows, the paintings and statues were pleasant, and the rhinoceros skeleton gave her the impression of being in a museum. The string instruments playing Luigi Boccherini's minuet on loop, though a bit annoying over time for Evangeline, made her wish they could play other music like Schubert’s Trio Op. 100, Beethoven, or any other piece as long as it wasn’t the same melody repeatedly.

Evangeline felt overwhelmed. She glanced at the other students around her, listening to snippets of conversations and praying she wasn’t the topic. Perhaps this was her way of ensuring she wouldn’t be the victim of unflattering rumors again, a bad habit that undeniably came from her time at Beauxbâtons. “Be reasonable, Evangeline, it’s only your first day at this school. Statistically, it’s impossible for there to be gossip about you. Moreover, you don’t know anyone,” she told herself for reassurance. But deep down, she only half-believed it. The possibility that people from her class were talking about what happened during the lessons existed, and that made Evangeline anxious. She tried her best to scan the nearby people, hoping not to see or run into anyone from her class while continuing her quest to find a little corner to settle in.

As she was about to take the stairs to the Astronomy tower, Evangeline spotted in the distance the boy she had dueled during the Defence Against the Dark Arts class. Given the circumstances, she knew that if he saw her, he would more than ever want to talk to her. Just imagining the possible conversation made Evangeline's heart start beating faster. These palpitations left no doubt: she was having a panic attack. Without a second thought, Evangeline quickly looked around for a place to hide until the Slytherin student - accompanied by what she guessed was his friend - passed by and went further away (and also so that her crisis passes). Once they were gone, Evangeline emerged from her hiding spot behind a statue and continued her search, still looking for a nook she could consider her secret garden.

Walking down a narrow corridor leading to the staircase that took her to the Theory of Magic classroom, Evangeline noticed a small recess in the hallway that led to a window, probably placed there to let in some light. Out of curiosity, Evangeline slipped into it. It was just a small nook with a few pots as decoration. Nobody seemed to pay any attention to it, and only a cat seemed to have decided to occupy the space. It was the perfect spot for Evangeline. She approached the nearest pot, took off her wizard’s robe, and placed it on the floor to sit on. Despite being used to sitting on the floor at Beauxbatons, the floor always felt cold to her, and after a while, it inevitably started to hurt her backside. So, she decided to put her wizard’s robe to good use by turning it into a cushion.

Once settled, Evangeline looked towards the corridor, which was visibly a very busy thoroughfare. Yet, no one seemed to notice her or even be aware of the small recess. Additionally, the pot with a majestic phoenix motif hid her from view and separated her from the hallway. It promised peace and quiet. It was perfect for the young witch. Evangeline sighed and tried to relax in this nook where she could finally be alone, left to her thoughts, not that it bothered her. On the contrary, she enjoyed these moments where she could lose herself in her thoughts. Her mind was focused on the day she had just experienced, especially her social interactions. Although she tried not to dwell on it, it inevitably surfaced in her mind. She recalled her classes, the social interactions she had had, all while imagining various scenarios about what could have happened if she had dared to speak, if she had at least tried to start a conversation to socialize a bit… The more she thought about how she had acted, the more tears welled up in her eyes. She felt them becoming moist, and before she could do anything, she felt something running down her cheeks. She tried to think of something else, to do anything to hold back the tears, but it was too late. Evangeline had crossed the line. She couldn’t fight it anymore; the best she could do was to sob quietly, fearing that someone might notice her and see her in such a moment of weakness. She knew what she had to do to calm herself down. She rummaged through the pocket of her wizard’s robe and pulled out an old notebook along with a quill and an inkwell.

Cher journal, 

I hate myself. Really. I hate myself. Today was my first day of classes at Hogwarts. Being new and not knowing anyone here, I thought it was going to be a relatively good day. Plus, I only had two classes: Defence Against the Dark Arts and Charms. These are subjects I enjoy, and I thought I was going to do what I usually did in class at Beauxbatons: sit in a corner and listen to the lesson while trying to be as discreet as possible. All I wanted was not to be noticed. I was afraid that being new and starting directly in the fifth year would draw too much attention to me, but luckily, everyone was only talking about the cancellation of the Quidditch season! (For the first time, I am happy about this sport! I’ve never understood the British obsession with it anyway...)

But fate had other plans. It started during the Defence Against the Dark Arts class. Professor Hecat asked me and a Slytherin student (I think his name was Pallow or something like that) to duel. From what I gathered, he is one of the best duelists in the school. Of course, I have no talent for dueling, so I started to panic… And then all the students had their eyes fixed on me, seeming to have high expectations… I… I don’t remember what happened, but I won the duel. Honestly, I was the most surprised by this. I even wonder if Pallow lost on purpose… Nevertheless, at the end of the class, he wanted to talk to me. Naturally, I quickly left the classroom once the lesson was over. I… I don’t even know what to think of myself…

The Charms class wasn’t any better. Again, the professor wanted me to duel another student during a game he called “The Summoning Challenge”. Once again, all eyes were on me. So, of course, I lost my composure and made a mess of it… Some even mocked the way I pronounced “accio” because I pronounced it the French way, I suppose. I noted that only one student didn’t pay attention to me or what was happening; he never looked at me, and just for that, I thank him (though I have no idea who he was). My opponent, a girl from Gryffindor, didn’t taunt me at all for losing. She seemed very kind, but again, I didn’t even try to talk to her more...

When I tell you that I hate myself... I may envy those who easily socialize, but I make no effort to step out of my bubble and try to integrate and talk to others. Yes, I know my English is very mediocre (at least that’s what native speakers must think), but I can’t convince myself that it’s not a reason that should prevent me from making… friends. Of course, I’d love to have friends, even just one. As long as I can find at least one person willing to listen to my complaints, my anxieties, to accept me as I am. I’d like to be able to assert myself as I am. Yes, I am different, a bit odd compared to others, but that could be my strength... But I can’t bring myself to assert myself like that... I’d like to be like the Marquise de Merteuil from Laclos' Dangerous Liaisons and assert myself for who I am (though I am RADICALLY different from the Marquise, that libertine is an awful character, but you have to admire the way she asserts herself as an independent woman, even if it means believing herself superior to men). My God, if my parents knew I read such decadent books… I’d also like to be as comfortable in society as Georges Duroy... Of course, I don’t have the same dreams of grandeur as dear “Bel-ami”, but he is so at ease when he speaks... Okay, the two examples I’ve just cited are just characters who seek to climb the social ladder, and their actions are sometimes questionable (very questionable for dear Mme de Merteuil), but their rapport with others, the way they interact socially is so... I don’t know how to describe it, but anyway, I envy them for it.

They say we’d remake the world with “ifs”. And I can only agree. If only I had spoken to that Gryffindor girl after the Charms class… Besides, she seemed to be very kind… If I had been curious enough to see who the student was who didn’t look at me during the Summoning Challenge, maybe I’d know who he was, and who knows, we might have gotten along! And if I had approached that famous Pallow at the end of the Defence Against the Dark Arts class? What did he want to tell me? Congratulate me for beating him? (On one hand, I hope not, I’ve never known how to react to compliments, and on the other hand… I’m not even good at dueling… Beginner’s luck at best!)

In the latter case, I had a second chance. I could have made the effort to talk to him… In the corridor of the Defence Against the Dark Arts tower, we should have crossed paths if I hadn’t hidden to avoid the conversation and calm my panic attack… Even writing all this, I don’t understand what got into me… Why did the idea of talking to him make me so anxious? I’m well aware that I am rather shy and reserved, but that’s not a reason not to be able to make friends… Was it because he was accompanied that I didn’t dare to talk to him? Yet I imagine his handsome blond friend didn’t look mean. Now that I think about it, the blond boy was holding his wand forward; I must admit that intrigues me.

Well, I’m running out of ink. I think I needed to write all this. Anyway, I feel better now that it’s been said (well, written). I’ve realized that I’ll have to force myself to make an effort to talk to others and hope to make friends. But knowing myself, it’s easier said than done. And even if I manage to get along with someone, who’s to say that over time this person will be able to put up with me once I start confiding in them? How could someone bear me if I can’t even bear myself?

For those of you who have read this far, I hope it's not too heavy and painful to read (I had to force myself to separate my paragraphs otherwise I'd be writing paving stones 😂) and I hope it's fairly coherent in its structure and vocabulary. I used a translator to translate my original text (because yes, I originally wrote in French and go figure why I was at 3.3k words in French but as soon as I translated into English I went down to 2.9k 🤷🏻‍♀️)

And I don't know if anyone's really interested, but before I forget the photos of the various stages of the process 😅

I made the phoenix with gilding, so depending on the light it shows more or less!