#my pages for those who like my rare ships and content. But also those who come for lawrusso

[fumifooms]

i know you aren't really into marcille/laios any longer, but since you went looking online for dungeon meshi doujins, did you happen to find any other marcille/laios ones? (funnily enough at the convention i was at a couple weeks back they had like five, but they were extremely over-exaggerated and personally i prefer my fan content relatively in character...)

Ok first of all: Yeah listen laimar doesn’t have a grip on me anymore but I still quite enjoy it! Just more passively… Altho I do have an analysis that focuses a lot on the importance they hold to each other in my early stage wips drafts, and listen in canon I do think they’re queerplatonic flavored, call me an ot3 qpr truther because Laios Marcille and Falin have a something going on and it transcends being put into a box. But hey hey I reblog laimar artworks I bought that recent doujin I put laimar fics in my -checks- 106 pages long to-read list… Also I have like 5 pages of fanfic prompts for them I may or may not get to writing. Though yeah I do feel bad whenever I notice people following after liking all my laimar posts haha

Sadly to get to the meat of the topic, not really… I don’t go to cons for lack of opportunity so whatever I find is through online. The one I got is The Fourth Basement Floor, it has an english ver and seems so so very in character I can’t wait to get it! Otherwise I’ve looked on Otakurepublic & Doujinrepublic since I use their services for merch from Japan, warning if you click on the link, there are 18+ ones and covers can be pretty explicit. I don’t remember any other laimar one except the one nsfw one I think, but on the plus side there are a lot of gen no ships doujins. I’m bothered because looking back I feel like the catalogue of doujins was wider when I looked all those months ago and it feels like I’m forgetting something hmm… I wish I could help more, but yeah 😔 Pixiv has many laimar comics up (in japanese) if that sates the hunger any

As consolation since I’m already here, why not show some of my laimar things laying around gathering dust I’m fond of. Don’t look if you don’t want to be spoiled for fics I may or may not write I guess? All down below is just laimar prompts

I spoke about some various ones and esp my timeline where she gets him into Daltian Clan here. "Laios… I was wondering, because you enjoy fantasy stories right? I was wondering if you’d like to give my favorite book series a go… It has monsters!" I love love love post-canon laimar where he gets the habit of chewing on her hair because he’s stimming and hungry. Like a goat.

Laios goes to Marcille for love advice.  "You like someone?! Do I know them?" She eagerly asked. "Erm… Yes…?" // Post-canon. He’s so nervous and puts his foot in his mouth n lets things slip out that he thought would give him away. (Comic) "You like someone??! What are they like? Who are they?" And he’s like "Well… She’s a half-elf." He’s like shit she’ll probably know right away. And she goes still. "I’ve never met another half-elf!! We’re so rare! You’re saying you met one and didn’t tell me???!" She’s shaking him. And then she goes still again, contempt drawing on her face. "Wait… Are you asking me for advice because I’m a half-elf?" Laios runs with it "Yes!! And because you’re so savvy with romance and what people like…? If, uh, if you were a half-elf, what would you like to get as a gift? What sort of confession would you want?" "… You saved it there. Okay so since I’m so knowledgeable on romance, tell me what is she like?" "-describes Marcille-" She nods, smug yet oblivious. "Aah I can already tell we’d be great friends. Good taste." (then Thinking bubble with him giving her flowers at a restaurant "Did you know roses are edible and used in recipes", candlelit dinner, or wait maybe the most romantic is cooking together alone at home, chocolate! It’s expensive though… Wait I’m king now!)

Lil comic, Laios wakes up snuggled against Marcille’s back then promptly falls off the bed. The noise makes Marcille wake up and she’s like omg are u ok?? Laios is so sweaty and panicked and in denial about her being special to him.  She explains, disgruntled at the memory "Izutsumi is bunking in with Chilchuck again, they’re taking the whole bedrolls." Pause. "Sorry, I should have told you, but you like sleeping with Izutsumi too so I figured…" She looked sheepish. "Between you and Senshi, I much prefer sleeping with you. It feels sort of nostalgic, like a sleepover, no?" He relaxes and gets in the bed again, smiling. "But… We’ve never had a sleepover?" She chuckles "I guess not. I must be getting that impression because of Falin…" And the air between them is warm yet bittersweet now, as she smiles like that and his eyes and smile cloud over. The earlier instinctive reluctance to touch is gone now. She snuggles into his arms and is like "Hug me?" "Okay." And he does, wraps his arms around her and tucks his chin over her head.

Post canon, marcille takes him to a squid restaurant. Cute lighthearted hehe. He sulks "If there are any parasites in this I will ban squid from this kingdom or so help me…"

Short post canon fluff marcille pov about laios gaining weight n becoming chubby. She used to dream of chiseled abs and angular elves, laios in every way, shape and form is so far from the beauty standards she idealized so. And yet… She loves how soft sleeping against him is, how much there’s more of him for her to hug and nuzzle her face in. She loves seeing him and seeing someone strong, who isn’t malnourished or underweight, someone healthy with color in their skin. An healthy appetite. He used to look more like a rectangle, severe and strict, but now he looked rounder, and seeing him smile at her always made her feel like that roundness suited him. She smiled back, and melted thinking about how her boyfriend was the sweetest in the world. ^I still wanna do this one really bad. Sometimes a fic premise comes from nowhere and puts you in a chokehold and you must finish it to obtain catharsis

Short oneshot about laios musing about Marcille’s smile, how important it is to him in subtle ways etc: Ends with Laios being like wait there’s something off (succubus). Then he grabbed her throat. Or smth

Laios seeing her dungeon like "this is so wrong Marcille you can’t run a dungeon for shit" and also "WHAT ARE THESE HORRORS OF MONSTERS NOO THEY CAN’T BE EFFECTIVE LIKE THAT"

Dinner for two: Very warm. Marcille and Laios are meeting up and cooking a dinner just for them both, no one else is there. They’re being so domestic and it’s light. Laios pauses at some point, doing the dishes, saying… I’ve always worried, thinking doing things like these would remind me of my parents.

Laios doesn’t know what to do when he realizes he actually *likes* likes Marcille, so he avoids her. Everyone notices and is disapproving of him.

Her mana acts up and she shares her dream with someone, kinda like with Izutsumi. Listen the premise could be smutty but I think it’d be more fun if they just hanged out n were silly, like the nightmares chapter without the nightmare

Laimar pining but from the view of Chilchuck, his love hatred sensing a storm brewing. The giggling, the looks. Ugh! It reminded him of himself and his wife when they were young and newly dating.

I love Laios and Izu being worsties so. Laios sees izutsumi rubbing her scent on marcille’s clothes and gets possessive. Maybe Golden Kingdom maybe something else I have no clue but Laios being ridiculous and cheek rubbing or something <3

I might want to do an AU where Laios gets into werebeast ring fighting, before canon and the split happens after he deserts the military. So he’s alone, has nothing going for him and stumbles into that sphere and gets werebeast tattoos done. It doesn’t make him happier at all and fighting sucks actually, but it brings money and he likes being a beast and being cheered by a crowd aka illusion of being liked, and money brings food and eating is the privilege of the living etc etc. So then when he goes to check on Falin at the academy it’s a big AU where he has a whole other reputation and look to him, and when he meets izutsumi their relationship is different and aaaaaa… He’s freeer in this au, lets himself be animalistic and weird, even though ofc the arc is him letting himself be more human as well and connecting with humans, through talking and infodumping n shit. Oh I went off but the laimar is because it’s inspired by cool laimar art here (warning tho it’s an art dump with toudencest also 😔) but werewolf Laios laimar AUs… A lotta fun stuff there idk idk

[maximwtf]

Hii, I love your writing smmm!!!

Idk if you're still accepting requests but if you are, there was a new bts photo of Izzy's back and I was wondering if you could write about it? Maybe he's ashamed of his scars and the reader accidentally sees them? I know you like angst so I think this would be absolutely perfect for you :3

Izzy Hands x Reader

Words: 1960

Google docs pages: 3

Warnings: Description of scarring from a whip, yk the usual. Oh yeah, and french reader

Opening: The scars on Izzy’s back didn’t get any attention in s2 so being sweet to him about them is up to you. 

AN// Reader can be any gender! I’m putting these two requests together, due to them being similar. I’m also adding in the 3rd request because it’s been sitting in my inbox, I can’t see myself writing a whole fanfic for it and I think I could slide some of the content from there to this fic! But thank you so much for these requests, I had a blast with this one (for obvious reasons) and I hope yall like this too!!<33

“If you’d been happier not knowing”

Izzy usually hid any relations you had with him from the rest of the crew, at times you doubted if Edward even knew what was going on with you and his first mate. But the man was a rather private person, and didn’t like sharing whatever you had with him with others. Though, for an example he never paid no mind to you sleeping in his quarters, sometimes only asking if anyone had seen you enter the cabin. So you went along with his way of handling the unspoken relationship. Unspoken, as in neither of you had ever said out loud where you stood. One kiss in the past, and from there you’d been close like an old married couple, yet neither of you brought up what you wanted to call it. But at this point, it felt like you didn’t have to. Being with the grumpy first mate felt natural, even if anyone in the crew would disagree with that being possible. 

Though, as many nights and days as you’d spent with the man, you knew there were still things about him that even you didn’t know about. Sure, he rarely talked about his feelings and you knew about that to a certain level. But you found yourself often wondering about his past; where he’d come from and what his past on the sea had been like earlier. Since you had only met him after joining Blackbeard’s crew, and by then the first mate had been alongside the black bearded man for years. But even when he was slightly buzzed, he never stumbled upon talking about his past. The most you knew was of their former captain, Hornigold. But of those times neither of them rarely spoke of, which to your demise made you even more intrigued. 

But of course you knew the man well enough to not go and start asking him questions such as those straight away, out of nowhere. Even if it was just the two of you, you bet he’d lie to you. Maybe to save your ears from whatever he was hiding, or to save himself from having to remember. Neither of the options sounding too pleasant.

So as much as you wanted to get closer to him and know more about the man, you left it up for him. Left it until he would eventually tell you more about himself. After all, life at the sea from a young age like him could have caused him to see a thing or two before becoming the person he was today. The sea wasn’t a kind place to live, especially for a young pirate. And from the stories you’d heard of Hornigold, being raised from a boy to a man in a crew like his must have been anything but pleasant at times. 

So, the night you came to find more of the first mate had come as a surprise. Almost making you wish the topic would have come around in a different way. 

You didn’t spend each night in his quarters, knowing the man didn’t want to make the relationship known to everyone on the ship. Though, this night was one of those where you kept tossing and turning. Keeping your eyes shut felt almost impossible, and your chest ached for the company of someone. And you knew well who that was, Izzy. You also knew that he was most certainly still awake, no matter the late hour of the night. How he still always managed to be up before everyone else, you did not know. 

So you got up from the hammock, checking that no one else was around and made your way to his quarters. The ship was quiet as always at night, only the sound of snoring coming through the walls every now and then. But the further you walked, the more silent even that became. 

The door was quiet, the closing of it only making a faint sound. You turned from the door to find the man you’d been looking for. Though, that action caused you to see something he’d never shown you before. His back, bare. Old scars running across his back, both sides of his shoulder blades to his lower back, bruised with what you could only guess had been a whip. From a cat o’ nine tails. 

Your hand moved over your mouth on its own, covering the saddened frown from your lips, yet leaving your eyes uncovered with compassion flaming in them. And as long as this moment had felt like, it snapped broken as the man turned to face you. The expression on his face telling you everything you needed to know. He hadn’t meant to show that to you. The shame and a hint of something resembling anger almost made you turn around and leave. But you didn’t, you couldn’t. Not now that you knew. 

Your hand fell from your mouth, carefully reaching out to the man sitting in the faint light of a lantern. “Izzy-”, you gasped out, not sure what to say, as he hadn’t spoken his mind yet. “Get out.” The first mate muttered, hand searching for his shirt in the dark of the room, the movement rather panicked. You bit your lower lip, wanting to do as he said but also having a feeling that it wouldn’t actually help anyone. “No, I can’t. Not now.” You ended up protesting against his command, and to your surprise the man sitting on the bed with his gaze on his feet didn’t say anything against it. 

“Mon chéri…” You started again, voice a little softer this time. You felt his eyes scan your form, turning his gaze away from you as soon as he noticed that you’d been looking back at him. As he usually did when he was upset. 

You frowned, walking over to the bed and carefully sitting down to the very edge of it. Just in case he wanted to shoo you away still. Though you believed for him to not do so, seeing as your last comment had gotten him to ease out a little. “Sans toi, je ne suis rien. So please, talk to me.” You almost whispered, that being the last hope you had of getting the man to talk to you. If he felt like it. 

You’d been about to place your hand on his shoulder, but he’d turned around just in time for you to pull back swiftly. He took a moment to collect his thoughts, somehow his expression turning back to normal for a moment. “Wasn’t careful enough and a wild cat attacked me from the back. Nothing more.” He said, eyes moving away from you yet again. He was lying, of course he was. 

You stayed silent for a moment, just as he had done earlier. He seemed to have some kind of walls around him to protect himself from harm concerning the scarring. Which you understood, but it hurt to watch him have to make up stories to replace the real events from his mind. “Mon licorne, you don’t have to tell me. But I would like to know.” Your hand rose again, this time making contact with the man’s shoulder. He visibly tensed up for a moment, the touch on his bare skin so foreign to the man. “No need to dwell in the past, dear.” Izzy said, feeling as he sideyed you for a reaction. Your eyes stayed on him, hand slowly moving to the first mate’s upper back, carefully tracing the very tip of one of the scars. Izzy almost pulled away, but froze and leaned back to where he’d sat before. “I wanted to tell you, to show you what you would  be signing up for.” He started, voice low in tone. You listened, not interrupting him. “But I couldn’t find it in me to do so in the end.” A sight left him after that, seemingly finished with whatever he’d wanted to say. 

You hadn’t even noticed the way you’d started chewing on your inner lip, holding back a pained frown from appearing on your face. “I apologise for barging in, then.” You replied, hand carefully tracing the scar from the middle of his back to the other end of the scar. He sat still, allowing you to do so. “Got in a bit of trouble on Hornigold’s ship.” Izzy commented, seemingly knowing and remembering exactly which scar you’d traced. You stayed silent, eyes scanning the scars next to the one you’d touched. The others near it must’ve been from the same whip. But there was another bundle of scars on the other side of his back, seemingly from another time. Those were deeper, and from the look of it done by someone not keen on the man. 

You reached for the other scars, gently tracing the one closest to you. He tensed up a little, making you unconsciously place your free hand on his forearm for comfort. To your surprise he raised his own hand, placing it on top of yours. “The Royal Navy caught onto us.” He said, breaking the silence that had creeped its way between the two of you. You traced the scar to the very end of it, leaning back after to look at him. “Did you think I would leave if I knew?” You asked carefully, but the air wasn’t tense even after the question. It rarely was with just the two of you. His eyes looked into yours as he thought of what to say. He’d been more afraid of you realising why he was the way he was if you knew. He didn’t care for how they looked, no one could see them through his clothes. But like this he was vulnerable. But now that didn’t matter. “Maybe. But that’s in the past by now.” He said, a sigh leaving him as his shoulders relaxed. You tried to smile, for his sake. “I care for you, and if you seemed happier not knowing, I couldn’t have done that to you.” He added, his eyes staying on yours as he spoke. 

You didn’t know if that was the truth, but it didn’t matter. For one night, all of this had been enough for the both of you. If he had more secrets, he would come to you and open up if he needed. And now he knew that. You tilted your head, the hand from his shoulder moving to the nape of his neck as you pressed a kiss to his cheek. “Je t’aime, Izzy.” You could only whisper after pulling away ever so slightly. 

The ship swayed gently as you watched him look at you with what you knew was his way of showing love. He might have not been a man of many loving words, but hearing you speak your own first language to him melted something that had been casted in layers of ice within him for a long time. He leaned his head against your hand. 

Translations: mon chéri: my dear, mon licorne: my unicorn, sans toi, je ne suis rien: without you, I’m nothing

AN// Sorry if there is any delay with recent requests, I’ve fallen into a TADC Caine coma and cannot think of anything but that floating pair of dentures.

[saltynsassy31]

Honestly, despite this post being mainly about dbh, it's sorta of a general thing

But gosh, what's with the ship wars? I mean, every fandom has this problem (sorta, the only fandom I've rarely, if ever, experienced it was the splatoon fandom cuz even the most unfortunate ships are shipped lmao)

I be scrolling, tryna find like, just general content, and someone be fighting over it

And I feel its gotten worse as of late cuz it's gotten involved with familial stuff

I'm a big found family gal

It's why, when I first played Detroit, Kara's story line was my favourite at the time (as of coming back to the game, it's become Hank and Connor, but I blame my Iron dad phase for that lmao)

But I'm not gonna fight people who see it or interpreted their relationship differently. If it wasn't stated in canon, then it leaves the gate way open to any interpretation because that's the fun part of being in a fandom! Different points of view!

And I especially come from the POV of someone who shipped two characters the fandom viewed more as siblings. By the gods, the hate some people had.

I was never at the tail end of that heat, but my mutuals from a server were, and when I jumped in to defend them

Despite coming out victorious (in a sense lol), I wouldn't say it was worth the effort, waisted my breath on petty fighting and I don't wish to again

But on the other hand

I've also been on the other end where I saw two very popular shipped characters as familiar/just friends. It's weird cuz they were/are more popular to the (technically) canon couple and they very rarely, if ever interact (legit got gaslit by the fandom that they did, until I went to look into it and found a desert of canon interactions).

And it's frustrating.

I really wish people wouldn't fight over these petty things. But it's the Internet, what can ya do? I'll just do what I can to avoid this in-fighting, not my monkeys, not my circus ig.

Still though, sometimes it feels like shipping/seeing them as just family really just, leaves out nuance. I like seeing both ends because it's interesting! You don't have to, of course, but discrediting either ends is so boring. Especially in the case of DBH where there are so many endings (total of 85 people!), so many characters, so many possibilities. Being stuck on one interpretation feels redundant to the game.

Now, am I saying to not enjoy your favourite parts of the game? No! I'm not here to judge you! Create that blog about solely the ship or solely familial content! It's your blog! :D

Feel free to block out content you don't like, curate your space.

Just don't....discredit others for their own interpretation. Be kind, or at least tolerable.

Idk where I'm going with this post anymore. I'm Ms. Yapper and this is my yapping page, thats all I do here at this point XD.

Just be kind and enjoy your stuff! Quit fighting! (But don't confuse that with me saying don't have discourse or debates, those are fun too, talking and defending your POV, that's part of fandoms too, just don't attack one another unnecessarily)

[yaut-jaknowit]

WAIT WAIT MY DRUNK BRAIN STARTED WORKING ON ANOTHE MXM IDEA

IMAGINE LIKE THE READER REUNITING WITH HIS MATE AFTER A LONGER TIME PERIOD FOR LIKE WTV ANGSTY REASON (broooo imagine the reader had gone thru smth traumatising like torture or some shit 😭😭) NAHHHH I MIGHT SPAM YOUR INBOX FR TONIGHT MY DRUNK BRAIN STARTED WORKING ON ALL LEVELS FROM ANGST TO NSFW LETSGOOOOO

Returned At Last Part 1

Pairing: Wolf x Reader

Word Count: 4506

Summary: All it was suppose to be a simple trip to earth. Wolf has a job to do. You're okay with that. You stay on the ship where it is safe. No one can hurt you from there. Wolf will come back and the two of you will leave. Don't let your guard down.

Author Note: Soooo I may or not have gone a little overboard with this. That's why it took a hot minute to get it out for you. Hopefully the length of it will be enough of an apology. But also, fucking love this, part of the reason why it's so fucking long.

I promise to all those who have asked me something, I am working on them. I just got side tracked with a few other writing prompts and drawing COD men.

Masterlist

Ao3

Part 2

Traveling out in space wasn’t all it was showed in shows. Getting stranded rarely happened; aliens boarding the ship to take over has never happened; stress and anxiety running high was also a nope. Everything was chill. It was just you and Wolf, flying through space as he hunted down Xenomorphs. When he gets off his ship to do his thing, you happily stay back, safe. He keeps you content with books, games, and other supplies his bought.

Yet, everything wasn’t chill today. Not everything goes perfectly. You weren’t safe.

It all started with a distress beacon coming from earth, funny enough. When Wolf told you about this, you jumped at the call. He, of course, couldn’t say no to the ancients telling him to respond. So, the two of you went through the void of space back to earth. You were more than happy to return after some time away. You couldn’t go visit family, since they believed you to be dead. Wolf had ordered you to stay on the ship. Why? You didn’t know.

This was your home planet after all. You knew about all the dangers, nothing could truly hurt you hidden out in the middle of nowhere. From what you could remember, Wolf placed the ship to be far from the origin. He said something about a gut feeling. Eh, you didn’t pay attention to him as he grumbled and gather his gear.

The two of you said your goodbyes to each other. Wolf went down the ramp, mask on, just like all the other times he has. You waved at him as the ramp started to close, locking you inside. It’s not like he has you trapped in here. You knew the code to leave if need be. He wouldn’t do that to you. There’s always a possibility that you needed to escape. One you didn’t believe in but let him have his way. If that made him content and knew you were safe, that’s all that matter to you as well.

When time passed at an unknown amount of time, just like any other time, you took roost in Wolf’s pilot chair. An action that didn’t save you. A book in hand, eyes scanning over the pages. One of the songs you liked hummed softly through the quiet air. Not a care or worry in the world. Nothing could hurt you while on your planet. That you believed in.

Something felt off. Your eyes lifted off of the page and snapped over to your water cup on the arm rest. The liquid inside was vibrating. Next, you peered over to the engine controls, thinking they somehow activated. Nothing. They were dormmate. That’s when you felt the pilot chair slightly tremble constantly underneath you. Huh?

You shifted to sit normally, gaze settling on the empty plains that sat out in front of the ship. Void of life and beings. If this was California, this could possibly be an earth quake? But you were unsure. You’ve never lived there. You didn’t know. That was the problem at hand.

Unable to relax or return to the book, you kept a flickering gaze on the scene before you. It was just you, the ship, and yellow sagebrush fields. The water kept rippling in its cup. It confused you on what could be causing that. An earthquake wouldn’t last this long. How right you were.

An idea came to mind. Wolf has taught you a few things about his ship, the basics in case of an emergency. You pressed a button on the console. A map of the scanned area appeared, like an aerial view of the plains.

Off to the ships, seven o’clock position was a small group of moving black dots. They were coming towards you. Oh shit! People. Not good. At all. They were heading towards the ship, towards you. Your quick fingers found the comm. Button close by and pressed it. Wolf kept his emergency comm. channel linked to the ship open at all time. For a situation that called for this.

“Wolf? There’s cars heading towards the ship. What should I do?” you questioned, eyes flickering back and forth the map. There’s been only two times you’ve flown the ship. Both opportunities have ended almost ended in a fiery explosion. You didn’t believe you could fly it again. Those chances were without stress. You weren’t worried there were people coming towards your camouflaged ship.

That thought made you paused. The shields were up… The camouflage was activated. How could they know where to drive? It wasn’t luck or chance they were heading in the right direction in the middle of nowhere. Wolf parked his vessel in the middle of nowhere. They shouldn’t know where to go unless…

Wolf hadn’t answered yet. “Wolf? Please, I don’t know what to do. I can’t fly this thing, you know that.” Silence from his end. You could almost groan at that. “Answer me! I need your help, Wolf!” you yelled as if that’ll help him hear you. Why wasn’t he answering? Fear gripped your heart in its deadly claws. Said organ thumping against its bony cage.

Your hands grasped the edge of the ship’s console, knuckles turning white. The vehicles continuously grew closer and closer and closer. Wolf didn’t respond. Had these people already got him? You blew that thought off though. This is Wolf you’re talking about. He took on a hybrid Xenomorph and Yautja. Probably one of the most deadly aliens out there known to existence. Best of all, the head is hung on his trophy wall.

Where are you, Wolf? Your head hung low. Solutions were running rampant in your mind. What to do? What to do? What could you do? Well, for starters, the ship. Its shields were strong, able to resist most blasts from enemy ships. So, these humans would struggle to break in. Yet, that didn’t quell your racing heart.

On the other hand, what couldn’t you do? Fly the damn thing. Wolf hasn’t taught you how to use the weapon system. Something about ‘oomans’ and killing themselves in stupid ways. In his own way, that’s him saying he loves you. You were fucked. You couldn’t escape with the ship. You couldn’t use the two massive guns attached to the belly. All you were a sitting duck for these humans to find and do whatever they want.

To be honest, you could hide. The ship offered many places for you squeeze yourself in. All you had to do was keep quiet and pray to Wolf’s god to keep you safe.

Contrary to belief, you would think living and being mates with a hunter/warrior race would automatically give you the knowledge to fight. Yeah, Wolf’s taught you a few things… it wasn’t going to be enough against the at least nine drivers of the vehicles.

With one last drop of hope, you pressed the comm. button once more. “They’re getting closer, Wolf. Please, I need you. I can’t fight them alone.” You held your breath, ears listening for anything that could signal he heard you.

Nothing. The last bit of hope in your heart was squeezed out. All you had was yourself now. He wasn’t responding which worried you. First, you had to ensure they didn’t get you. So when they leave, you could go find him; against his command before he left. Wolf always told you to stay on the ship. That’s where it was safer for you. He didn’t have to fret if you got yourself in trouble. You listened to him, knowing it was better to do so.

One last look at the map -the black dots less than a hundred yards away, you started to think on where to hide. Someplace they wouldn’t look for someone, if they were looking for you. That likelihood was extremely low. How would anyone know you’re with Wolf? You’re a random person who went missing.

On Wolfs ship, there are five rooms, not including the cockpit. Its not really a room, but oh well. First to come to mind was the kitchenette. That was quickly marked off the list. There was the cabinets to possible squeeze yourself in. You would have to displace some cooking wear. Anyone with a brain will be able to tell something was wrong in there.

Second on the list was the trophy room. Another place marked off. Unlike the kitchenette, it had no true places to hide away in. Only a few small drawers in Wolf’s desk he uses for his tools.

Next, the bedroom. The bed was large with a lot of blankets, courtesy to Wolf and his ability to hunt. Yet, to smother yourself underneath them all… you didn’t know how long they would the on the ship. You could slowly overheat and die or suffocate and die. Both options weren’t fun sounding. You crossed that one off as well.

At this point, you were running out time and rooms. The hull wasn’t going to offer you much either. It had boxes and crates expertly stacked. They were strapped down, filled with whatever Wolf like’s to haul through space. Again, taking the stuff out to hide inside of the crates would be stupid. These people will notice the items and think ‘let’s check these boxes’.

Last on the list was the sparring room. This was your best choice out of all the places this ship has. It had a couple cubby’s for weapons that were currently empty. Said weapons were out on their respected racks for Wolf to train with. You hoped he was okay. That it was just a fluke on him not answering the comm.

Since the sparring room offered the highest chance of survival, you hopped down from the chair. Three steps from the cockpit’s door, you heard the computer alert to a proximity breach. Shit, they were already outside the ship. Now wasn’t the time to screw around.

Quick, unsteady legs carried you to the second closest door to the right from the cockpit. It opened at your closeness. You skidded to a halt. The doors. They would open for them, besides the outside one. Another way Wolf tells you to say inside, where it was safe. It wasn’t going to be safe for much longer.

Your eyes flickered to the other doors. Terror gripped your heart. If you were to lock only one door, it would announce to the people outside that there was something important in there. Why else would it be lock while the others weren’t? Now, you only had two options: lock all the doors, loosing precious time or leave all the doors, lowering your chances for survival. The former would take time to do, time you don’t know if you had. The latter would offer more time to hide.

It's like you could hear Wolf whisper in your ear: give yourself a fighting chance. The second option was you rolling over and giving yourself to the group of people outside. One you didn’t want to do. Wolf would be so disappointed if he ever found out. Instead, you took the training he’s instilled into you to heart and changed tactics.

Let’s play a little Home Alone.

The kitchenette’s door opened at your proximity with a whoosh. The sight before you offered the same result to hiding, nowhere to truly squeeze yourself into. Your hand slapped against the touchpad next to the entrance of said room. Its metal door slid close at the command. You heard the tall tell sign of the lock clicking into place. One do-

An explosion rocked you off your feet, side slamming into the warm, metal ground. You hissed out in pain and sat up, hand rubbing at the aching area. Your vision swam for a moment, making you shake your head to clear it. What in the world was that?!

Then it hit you. The humans. What were they doing? A grunt escaped you as you returned to your feet, unsteady. By the sounds of it, they hadn’t breached the door yet. That left you with extra time to lock the rest and go into hiding.

With a newfound courage and energy, you raced against a fatal clock towards the next door. It was across the wide hallway, with a concave floor in the middle. Like a small common area for Yautjas to relax while traveling through space. You reached the trophy room gateway and did the same action as before. It locked before you. Another down. Just a couple more…

After quickly finishing with the third door – the bedroom, you sprinted towards the second to last one: the hull. If you got this locked, it would take them even longer to get into here. The main entrance was in there, sealing this do-

Before you could take a third step, a blast forced the ship to pitch. It threw you completely off balance, back bouncing off of the nearest wall. Then, you crashed back onto your formerly injured side. “Wolf!” You cried out, writhing for a long moment on the ground. That was going to heavily bruise later. That you could promise.

Voices. You paused, stilling completely, down your breath. Voices down below. You gasped, eyes wide and scrambled back to your unsteady feet. That door needed to be locked, no matter what now. Injured or not. That was your last of defense before they stormed the upper levels, where you were.

Now, with that on your mind, you uncoordinatedly ran towards the hull’s door. It opened, just like any of the others at your presences. An array of curse words pouring inside of your mind at this. Those former voice grew louder, their boots pounding against the metal floor. The next second, you hit the touchpad far harder than you meant to. The entrance before you closed on your command, sealing the second to last door to you.

As much as you wished to take a second to breathe, you jogged over to the last door. “Get this door open!” someone shouted from the other side when you weren’t even two steps away from it. Already?! How quick were these guys?

When you stepped into the room, about to spin around to close it off, another explosion had you stumbling out of it. Before you know it, you were on the cockpits floor.

Through the pain and splitting headache, you staggered over to the panel. On the other side of the room, smoke encased the hull’s door. A flash of red dots could seen marking the smoke. Guns. They had guns. You don’t know why you thought that be news. If these guys know what they’re doing on a Yautja’s ship, of course they would have weapon. Fear still slapped you in the face. You weren’t your boyfriend. He could survive many shots from a gun. You couldn’t.

Your hand slapped against the touchpad, sealing you from them. For the time being. With how quick they were able to knock down the hull’s door… you didn’t have hope they wouldn’t be able to do the same to the others. You turned around though, eyes scanning over the limited area in here. One entrance, one exit. You stuck in here.

An idea came to mind. A while back, Wolf had to do some work on the navigation after a run in with a large beast on a random planet. He took you under his wing and had you sit next to him as he worked. He didn’t talk and just showed you what he did. It’s not like you could ever do it yourself without his help. You didn’t dare touch any of the important ship’s wiring, in case you screwed something up. He knew what he was doing. You’ll happily sit there, twiddling your thumbs while observing.

The spot you were thinking of was underneath the control console. It offered a hidden spot off to the side, away from sight. You could possibly squeeze yourself behind the panel. The area there was small and tight, even for a human. It would luck to be able to fully close it. Yet, it was better than just standing he-

“Find that pet of his!” The earth stopped spinning; your thoughts came to a screeching halt. What?! They know of you. It had to be you they were talking about. Why are they coming for you? How do they even know?! Your heart felt like it dropped six feet underground. You stumbled backwards, back against the closed door, hand on your sternum. They were looking for you. They have guns. You were going to die. They were going to kill you. Why? Why?! Your brain screamed at you. Tears started to dribbled down your cheeks as all you could was lean heavily against the door. They were going to kill you.

The only thing stopping you from accidentally announcing where you were was the hand over your mouth. It held in the sobs, the cries, the whimpers. What you couldn’t hold back was the tears staining your face.

Wolf was going to come back from his hunt to find you dead, your brain splattering his ship’s cockpit. Why didn’t he answer? Where was he? Why did he leave? He should’ve never come back here. Earth was bad. It held bad memories. It’s going to hold more. You dead. He’s going to go after them but it won’t bring you back. You’re going to die. They’re going to kill you.

One last sporadic drop of hope entered your heart. It might been the adrenaline racing the organ to feel that way or the terror that squeezed it. You’ll never know. You sprinted towards the control console, seeing the comm. channel light still on. “Wolf, please, I need you!” you whimpered, hands grasping the metal so tightly your knuckles turned ghost white. “They’re here. They’re on the ship. They have guns. They know I’m here. They’re looking for me.”

The longer you talked, the more it seemed you were going down a spiral. Big, fat, globs of tears splattered against the console. You sobbed, no longer caring how quiet you were. “They’re going to kill me, Wolf. I’m going to die. I don’t want to die. I need you, please!” you cried to him and fell to your knees. your head bowed, forehead touching the edge of the dashboard.

Your shoulders shook, sobs leaving your mouth freely. They had to have heard you at this point but you didn’t care now. All you wanted was Wolf to be here. Here with his arms around your body and protect you from the calling of death. “I don’t want to die,” you whimpered, eyes blurry with tears. “They’re going to kill me.” You were too caught up to hide. It was too late.

One last blast knocked down your last line of defense. You stood up and spun around at the same time, back leaning heavily on dashboard. Smoke clouded the most likely demolished doorway now. You held your breath, waiting for a bullet to pierce the unknown and strike you.

Instead, it was them that breached the heavy smoke. When their gazes immediately landed on you, all of their weapons faced you. “Hands up!” one shouted and used the barrel of his gun to motioned for you to put them up. Terror washed over your face at the sight. It froze you in the very spot you stood in.

“No, no, no, no,” you mumbled, shaking like a leaf. This is where you die. Wolf was somewhere far away, not answering the call. He’s going to come back to you dead. On the cockpit’s floor of his ship, cold and lifeless.

“Get the fuck on the ground, fucker!” another demanded of you. Move, your brain screamed at you. Move! Do something. Anything. Just move!

You fell to your knees, hands gripped in front of in a plea. “Don’t kill me! Don’t kill me,” you begged of them. Out of the seven of them, you saw the closest one’s eyes crinkle. He was smirking. He stepped towards you, staying a decent distance away. His gun continuously pointed at your head, finger on the trigger. Your body shook, eyes wide as you watched him, unable to move.

Said man chuckled, shoulders shaking with the action. “I won’t if you listen to us very carefully. None of us are afraid to pull the trigger and end you. Leave you here, deader than a doorknob,” he snarked and motioned with his gun for you to get on the ground. “Now, face down, hands behind your back.”

It struck you. They weren’t going to kill you. They were going to take you. You didn’t know what was worse. Being captured or head blown to pieces right here. Captured means they’re probably going to torture you. They’re going to ask about Wolf and when you don’t give in, they’re going to hurt you. You weren’t prepared for that.

“No!” you shouted at him, teeth gritting against one another. A slow, molasses of courage starting to seep into your veins. Wolf would want you to fight. You were going to fight. You weren’t going to let them capture you. You weren’t going to give up Wolf.

A chorus of laughter erupted from the group. The closest barked his laugh before marching up to you and shoving the barrel of the gun into your head. From the headache and bruising side, you hissed. “It think’s he has a choice, boys. What do you say? Show it how wrong it is?” he questioned his fellow patriots and kept the barrel of the gun pressed into your head. You refused to go down so easily.

Similar to yourself, you know where to hurt a man. Your fist curled into a shaky fist as your head turned to stared him in the eye. A newfound fire flickering to life within your eyes.

It was like he read your mind. The bottom of his combat boots met your uninjured side and sent you sprawling across the floor. You cursed as pain flooded your left side.

Before you could get back up, a knee knocked the air out of your lungs and stayed glued to your back. The barrel was returned to the side of your head. “See? Wasn’t that easy to just listen. You must do it for your owner all the time.” Owner? Who is he talking about?

“Get off of me!” you yelled at him and squirmed, doing everything in your power to get back up. The clicking of a gun cocking stopped you in your tracks. “If you kill me, there won’t be anywhere on this planet you can hide. He will kill you.”

“Your owner won’t do anything. You’re just his pet, a plaything to him. He’ll leave you to rot in the cell we put you in.” That former fear began to creep back inside of your heart. Wolf wouldn’t do that. He wouldn’t leave you behind.

“You’re an ass,” you growled at him. That only earned you a chuckle from him and the others around. It was weak, nothing more than a mosquito flying around. Said man shoved his knee further into your back, forcing you to cry out. “Get off of me, you cunt!”

“Ohhh, the pet has a mouth of it. I thought that alien would’ve made you learn by now,” the leader – as you’ve named him, taunted before whacking you with the butt of his gun. You gasped, vision blurring for a moment. “Got nothing to say now?” You stayed quiet, not wanting to get hit again. “Look, boys. We did a better job than that alien.”

The others laughed with him. Humiliation flooded your veins. You had no choice but to listen now. They had made it clear they were willing to hurt you to get their way. “Alright, boys, get this thing cuffed and head out. I don’t want to stay here any longer than we need to be.”

That last sentence peaked your interest. They were scared of Wolf. Well, of course, who wouldn’t be? He’s a highly, well trained hunter with hundreds of years of experience underneath his belt. The first time you saw him, you were terrified of him. It’s a natural reaction to him.

Cuffed? They were going to take you. Capture you. Possibly torture you for information about Wolf. Information you’re not willing to give up so easily. Yet, you’re not trained. “No!” you snapped and struggled underneath him. You weren’t going to be taken! You didn’t want to be.

“Oh shut up, pet. I’ve had my fun and you’ve had your moment. We’re leaving with you alive or dead. Doesn’t matter to us. We get paid all the same.” One of the other soldiers entered your personal space and handed the leader a pair cuffs. The latter gave a gruff thanks. He hooked his weapon with a strap across his back. With the newly acquired cuffs, he snatched both of your hands and twisted them behind your back.

Your heart stuttered in its bony cage. Terror entered your veins as the first biting, cold cuff encircled your wrist. “Wolf!” you cried out, voice wavering with that one word. “Please Wolf. They’re going to take me.” You knew he couldn’t hear your pleas. You knew he hadn’t answered your calls. He somewhere far away, hopefully okay. It matter to you that you tried.

Where was he? You wanted him here, with his arms around you, protecting you. You didn’t care if he killed them and embraced you the moment after. You wouldn’t care about the stench or sight. You wanted Wolf right now.

The knuckles of a furled fist connected with the side of your head. You groaned. “Shut up, before you blow your brains out right here.” Before you had a chance, the same cold, bitter feeling of the second cuff encased your other wrist. They had you cuffed and ready to be taken. Why didn’t you just hide? Why were you so stupid sometimes in the face of danger? Why wasn’t Wolf here?

With the help of the second closest soldier – the one that handed the leader a pair of cuffs, they both easily lifted you off of the floor. Each had an arm under your pits and dragged you from the cockpit. The fight inside of you was gone before it had time to bloom.  You were captured, injured and crying silently. Tears stained your cheeks, falling to the warm metal floors.

Unbeknownst to you, Wolf heard every word, every cry for help. He heard your pleads for him as he raced back, full speed ahead. His older body aching more than ever to reach you in time. He heard the nasty name they called you. Those pyode-amedha were going to pay for laying a hand on you.

Wolf skidded to a stop in the cockpit. Your pungent odor of fear assaulted him. It was too late. The walls shook with a mighty, deafening roar.

[spicychickenyang]

The Emperor and the BNF

Hi everyone. I came across this short story a while ago and was so amused I knew I had to translate it into English to share with more folks. It's not MDZS, but I think those of you who are danmei fans will get a kick out of it nonetheless 😄

《皇帝与同人圈大手》 作者：吕天逸 The Emperor and the BNF Author: Lü Tiansu

Rating: M (sexual content, non-explicit)

Once upon a time, there was a scholar who flunked his exams.

The scholar came from a poor family, plus he was a scrawny weakling, with no skills beyond reading and writing.

In order to make a living, the scholar set up a small booth where he scribed letters, sold calligraphy and art, and helped copy books.

One day, a young woman arrived stealthily at the scholar's booth. Based on her clothing, she seemed like a lady from a wealthy family; based on her expression, she seemed to have snuck out from her home.

The young woman pulled a book from her bosom, and held it out to the scholar. "Make an identical copy for me. I'll pick up seven days from now."

Having said that, she tossed a piece of silver at the scholar.

The scholar took the book, and flushed red. "And the cover?"

The young woman: "Draw it too; exactly the same."

The scholar: "..."

The cover blatantly depicted two nude men in a tender embrace.

The scholar, at a loss: "This... this is pornography?"

The young woman's eyes flashed with a piercing light, and instinctively she put on a sales pitch: "No way, this is an illustrated fic for the sitting Emperor and the High General of Zhennan. It's a super hot ship, and this is an entry piece; it's super rare. I missed the preorder, and it sold out before I could get my hands on one, so I had to borrow one from my girlfriends to make a copy for my own collection."

Tremulously, the scholar flipped open a page, and—

The Emperor: "Does Our Royal Pillar please you?"

The General moaned, "P-please..."

The scholar snapped the book shut as if he'd seen a ghost. "This, this is sacrilegious! We'll lose our heads!"

The young woman waved her hand. "Aiya, what's so sacrilegious about it. His Majesty is clearly the gong, he's on top."

Scholar: "..."

Young woman: "There's also the Emperor/his right-hand attendant, the Emperor/the Royal Architect, the Emperor/the Chancellor, Emperor/the imperial exam valedictorian, tons of ships out there, but His Majesty is always the gong, may he live forever. There's no problem."

Scholar: "..."

The current emperor had taken the throne at age sixteen. Young and handsome, he's well-loved amidst the common folk.

Young woman: "Aiya, I'm done talking to you; I've been out for too long. Take care copying the book; be careful not to get it dirty, each book costs two ounces silver!"

The scholar's hand quivered.

Two ounces of silver for a single book!

Holding back a headache, the scholar read through the book cover to cover.

Apart from the Emperor and the General's names, the entire work was smut, up to 95% smut content.

Scholar: "..."

I can write this crap too!

Yours truly's prose is even better than theirs!

Thinking again of two ounces of silver per book, the scholar's mindset cleared up.

With a clench of his teeth and a cross of his heart, the scholar stepped onto the path of sin.

He wrote up a little novella of his own.

The scholar is an academic, with more rigorous standards for himself. He felt it wasn't sufficiently literary to write pure smut, so he added some soap opera dramatics as well.

In the story, the scholar wrote that the High General of Zhennan went down south, bearing imperial orders to put down a rebellion. In the chaos of battle he was heavily injured, lost his memory, and was staying at a civilian household while his wounds healed. The emperor, having waited long for the general's return, personally set out to find him, but the general no longer recognized him. The emperor brought the general back to the palace and, in order to help the general recover his memory, would ensure daily that the general was helpless to leave his bed. The writing was refined and intricate, savory enough to cause nosebleeds.

Seven days later, the young woman came to pick up her order.

The scholar delivered his goods, then took out the book he wrote and passed it over, clasping his hands to bow towards the Emperor's palace and at the same time saying, "In the past few days, this one made an attempt at writing a story about His Majesty and the High General of Zhennan, if it would trouble Mademoiselle to give an evaluation."

The young woman accepted the scholar's novella.

A stick of incense's time later, the young woman was a puddle of tears in front of the scholar's booth.

The young woman, through snot and tears: "Hiding blades within the smut, it's too cruel!"

The scholar was frozen, scared out of his wits.

The young woman dried her tears, calmed her expression, and gazed at the scholar with a face full of adoration. "So you are actually a grandmaster of angst."

The scholar was befuddled. "Angst? Grandmaster?"

The young woman: "Aiya, it's all just terminology, you'll understand later. How much for this fic of yours?"

The scholar was slightly confounded. "If... This one only has the one draft; it's gone if I sell it. If Mademoiselle desires it, please allow this one to make a duplicate copy."

The young woman flicked her hand. "Aiya, how long is it going to take you to copy it on your own. I'll help you contact a copy factory and make like eight or ten hundred copies. Grandmaster, you write so well, it'll definitely make a killing! If you don't have enough money I'll make up the starting cost for you!"

Overjoyed, the scholar clasped his hands in thanks. "I shall remember this favor and generosity to the end of my days. May I ask how to address my benefactor?"

Young woman: "My family name's Gong; why don't you call me Gong Zuoshi."

Following the address Gong Zuoshi provided, the scholar found his way to the copy factory.

In that day and age, there was no printing press, so everything had to be copied by hand. A mid-tier copy factory has at least a few hundred scribes, each with god-tier speed and skill at the brush, and can even imitate many different script types. But they don't accept small batch orders; minimum is five hundred prints to start.

The scholar passed the book and the silver voucher Gong Zuoshi lent him to the copy factory's foreman.

The foreman was suspicious. "Who referred you?"

Scholar: "Mademoiselle Gong Zuoshi."

The foreman breathed a sigh of relief. "Good. These days the imperial guards are cracking down; for sacreligious smut books we only accept orders from known customers."

The scholar wiped away his sweat. "Understood, understood."

Foreman: "How many copies do you want?"

Scholar: "One thousand."

Foreman: "What fonts?"

Scholar: "Two hundred sans-serif gothic, two hundred brush script, two hundred comic font, two hundred bubble letters, two hundred curly cues. We'll do a variety of fonts so that the customers have more options. Thanks a lot."

Foreman: "What about targeted marketing and publicity? Will you be using our services?"

Scholar: "Mademoiselle Gong will help with all these; no need for you to trouble yourself."

Foreman: "What's your pen name?"

The scholar pondered for a moment.

For some reason, the first thing to flash across his mind was that mountain thirty leagues outside of town. When he was young and stupid, one time he drove a government official's horse carriage up the mountain, and became the joke of the town...

The scholar smiled lightly. "Just call me Mt. Qiuming's Driving God."

Foreman: "All righty."

One month later, one thousand books of sacrilegious smut rolled hot off the presses.

With its juicy drama, detailed love scenes, and a solid literary foundation, the scholar's zine sold like hotcakes. A thousand copies were snatched up in just a few days.

Nearly all of the Emperor/General fandom's fujoshi came to know of the grandmaster by the name of Mt. Qiuming's Driving God.

At two ounces of silver a book, minus the production costs, the scholar was loaded to his gills.

It was the first time he'd ever seen this much silver in his life.

And it wasn't even someone else's.

Holding the silver voucher, the scholar's hands trembled, tears gathering in his eyes.

Gong Zuoshi, having snuck out from her home again: "Aiya, what are you even doing with yourself. First print an additional three hundred copies for mail order, then hurry and write a new one while the iron's hot."

The scholar listened obediently. "Okay."

Gong Zuoshi: "This time we can commission some top-tier artists in the fandom to make a few illustrations, then add some merch on the side; it'll definitely be even more fire."

Blinded by greed, the scholar clasped his hands and bowed in the direction of the palace. "Very well, this time this one will write a few extra smut scenes for His Majesty."

Gong Zuoshi clapped her hands. "Yes yes, add a few rounds of kink-play."

The scholar bowed towards the palace and at the same time groveled, "All right, then this one will write a bondage scene for His Majesty and the High General of Zhennan."

Gong Zuoshi: "You can use white silk to do the tying."

Scholar: "Got it, in this book the general has a fiery and stubborn temper, and refuses to submit, so he tries to hang himself with white silk..."

The scholar paused, and made another bow toward the palace with hands clasped, then respectfully continued, "His Majesty arrives just in time to cut him down and save him."

Gong Zuoshi's eyes shone with giddiness. "Yes yes yes! And then a scene of unspeakable things!"

The scholar was flushed with excitement. "Okay okay, just like that!"

—The writer and co-conspirator unearthed their brain worms together.

Very soon, the scholar's second book was out of the oven.

Since this time there was no lack of funds, the copies were beautifully designed and bound with gold thread, with an add-on bonus of a potpourri pouch embroidered with the High General of Zhennan's nickname. Those who preorder one hour ahead of time can even receive an extra gift - a folding fan with a romantic verse scribed by the scholar himself.

This time the scholar's zine sold wildly, over four thousand copies. Within the fandom, the hungry readers waiting to be fed swarmed at the news - "Mt. Qiuming's Driving God has brought the smut train around! Everyone, get on board!"

This time, the scholar happened to publish his zine just in time for the doujin convention in town. Respected creators of various fandoms flocked to attend, each at their own booth, selling their zines and wares. Young ladies and housewives, baskets in hand, scooped up their favorite publications. Certain ladies of big-name households were even wearing veils over their faces, trailed by their own escort of guards, shopping from the east end of the convention to the west end - such a display of wealth!

Of course, the scholar who recently exploded in popularity became the focal point of the convention. The scholar's stand was one of the most mobbed, encircled in layers upon layers of fangirls.

"Train conductor, take me with you!"

"Grandmaster, I love you!"

"Beep—Swordswoman Card."

"Beep—Esteemed Lady Card."

"Beep—Nunnery Card."

"Beep—Grand Princess Card."

The scholar, who was busy signing autographs with a brush in hand: "..."

Hold on, was something not right about that last one!?

The scholar raised his head, and got an eyeful of a troop of fully-armed imperial guards.

The imperial guards were tightly clustered around a young woman.

The young woman looked around sixteen or seventeen years of age, beautiful and stately as a goddess descended from the heavens, bedecked in finery and jewels.

This was the sitting emperor's younger sister, the Grand Princess Difu.

Scared out of his wits, the scholar hurriedly prostrated into a kowtow. "This humble peasant greets Her Royal Highness."

The Grand Princess was not stuck up at all. Kindly she spoke, "Grandmaster, please rise."

Trembling, the scholar lifted himself, thinking he was about to be taken away to "have tea": "..."

The Grand Princess swept a glance over the scholar's stand, as if too lazy to look closely, and asked, "Whose fic are you writing?"

The scholar swallowed nervously, and tried to avoid the whole truth: "This peasant wrote about... the High General of Zhennan..."

The Grand Princess's eyes lit up slightly. "What'd you write about him?"

The scholar nearly fainted dead away. "This peasant wrote about... the High General's bravery on the battlefield, and his glorious appearance riding upon a galloping horse."

It was actually his glorious appearance lying on the bed, being ridden by the emperor!

But he can't say that!

Princess: "Is the general in a ship?"

The scholar's head shook like a rattle-drum. "No!"

The Grand Princess smirked. "Very well, then I will take a copy. Please pack up all the included merch."

The head of the imperial guard tossed two ounces of silver at the scholar. With a head full of cold sweat, the scholar wrapped up the book and merchandise.

A potpourri pouch, plus a folding fan hand-signed by the scholar.

Even though it's been two hours past the preorder period, and therefore should not include a bonus folding fan, but...

Not giving the Grand Princess a full set of merch - does he want to lose his head right there and then?!

Satisfied, the Grand Princess turned to other booths to collect more books.

Carrying bundles of books large and small, the imperial guards followed behind.

As soon as the Grand Princess left, the scholar closed up his stand and fled, discarding even the unsold books. He's already sold over four thousand copies anyway, there's not much left over.

Not only sacrilege, but deceiving the Grand Princess on top of that.

Returning home, the scholar scurried to gather his valuables, and at the same time imagined the scene after the Grand Princess returned to the palace—

Grand Princess: "O dear Royal Brother, someone wrote a fic about you and the High General of Zhennan, and they drove a smut train too."

Emperor: "..."

Grand Princess: "Hey Royal Brother, this person wrote that your Royal Pillar is a foot long, and normally wound around your waist..."

Emperor: "Someone, arrest this vile scoundrel, and off with his head!"

The scholar shook in a cold shudder, his own imagings nearly scaring the piss out of himself.

Having packed his things, the scholar wrote a small note, explaining the events today of how he met the Grand Princess at the convention and must flee for his life.

The scholar went to the Gong residence and passed the note to the servants, instructing them to make sure it landed in the hands of Mademoiselle Gong.

After sending his message, the scholar fled.

He fled all the way to Dali, which was renowned as "Shangri-la" for its scenery, as well as being very far from the Capitol city.

These days, all kinds of eloping princesses/princes/young masters and mademoiselles all loved to head to Dali.

It was a top destination for eloping.

Little did the scholar know, the day after his departure, the capitol city was completely locked down. The Anti-Obscenity Division of the imperial guard swarmed over all the notable publishing copy factories in search of the fugitive with the pen name "Mt. Qiuming's Driving God", but they returned empty-handed.

Having dodged this bullet, the scholar settled down in Dali.

After this scare, the scholar no longer dared to write fanfics anymore. But that was fine anyway, because he'd already earned plenty of silver from selling zines, and no longer needed to worry about how to make a living.

Now with money and time on his side, the scholar began remembering his old dream - to properly study, become valedictorian, and earn a high-ranking government position.

As mentioned before, Dali was a place that many people eloped to.

Including the previous imperial exam's valedictorian.

This valedictorian had a brilliant education, a solid family background, an elegant handsome face, and was the dream catch of thousands of young women. Supposedly, he shouldn't have had to do something like elope.

The problem was, the one who caught his eye was the Minister of Finance's son...

That's why he had to elope.

So the scholar requested the tutelage of the valedictorian.

From then on the scholar hit the books and burned the midnight oil every day, from "CliffsNotes" to "Princeton Review", from "The Annotated Classics" to "The Road to Valedictorian". It was long and arduous.

At last, two years passed.

Heaven rewards the diligent. In the new round of local exams, the scholar qualified to return to the Capitol for next spring's round of exams. In the series of qualifying exams he barged through all obstacles, achieved top ranking, and won eligibility to participate in the imperial exam.

The scholar was very excited.

The emperor was also very excited.

The day of the imperial exam.

Dozens of applicants were arranged in rows in the grand hall, each seated and writing at their own desk.

After the noon hour, the emperor personally attended the testing hall to survey the exam.

Having gone through two years of baptism by literary fire, the scholar had a speedy hand and a quick wit at his disposal. He was already pretty much finished, and was currently kneeling with his head bowed, resting his eyes.

Just then, the emperor walked up before the scholar, and paused, seemingly looking over the scholar's paper.

The scholar's heart thumped wildly.

After looking for a while, the emperor said, "Raise your head."

Unsure what was going on, the scholar very carefully, very slightly lifted his head.

Just then, a folding fan lightly landed upon the scholar's chin, and with an upward flick, the scholar was forced to raise his face and meet the emperor's gaze.

The emperor was indeed as handsome as the common rumors told, with blade-tipped brows and star-lit eyes, his face like crown jade.

The scholar was not bad looking either, with slightly wing-tipped almond eyes, flushed lips and bright teeth, and a thin waist.

The two stared at each other. For a moment, time seemed to stall, the great hall seemingly about to ring out with BGM at any minute.

The emperor gradually leaned down.

The scholar's palms were filled with nervous sweat.

The emperor's lips nearly brushed the scholar's ear, his voice ringing out low by the scholar's ear: "Beep—Emperor Card."

Scholar: "..."

Scholar: "..."

Scholar: "..."

I must've been hallucinating from nervousness.

The emperor straightened up, and opened the folding fan in his hand with a swish.

It was the merchandise the scholar had gifted the Crown Princess Difu two years ago, hand-scribed with the romantic verse written by the scholar himself. The handwriting was identical with the essay currently spread on the desk before the scholar.

The emperor's lip quirked ever so slightly.

A darkness fell over the scholar's eyes.

The scholar's lithe body swayed, and toppled over with a plonk.

The scholar woke to find himself lying upon the Royal Bed.

The reason he knew it was a Royal Bed as soon as he opened his eyes, was because the Royal Body was lying upon it—that is, by the scholar's side.

The emperor gazed steadily at the scholar.

The emperor's eyes were bottomless wells of black.

The scholar cleared his throat, shakily lifted the blankets, and knelt on the Royal Bed for three heavy kowtows, stuttering, "Greet, greet, greetings to Your Majesty!"

Each kowtow was accompanied by a stutter, very rhythmically.

The emperor wore an expression that may or may not be a smile. "Grandmaster, please rise."

The scholar nearly fainted again.

The emperor reached beneath the Royal Pillow and pulled out a booklet bound in gold thread, and asked leisurely word by word, "Mt. Qiuming's Driving God?"

The scholar wailed, "This peasant deserves a thousand deaths!"

Emperor: "Our Royal Pillar is a foot long, and usually wound around our waist?"

The scholar's tears twirled endlessly within his eye sockets. "It was all nonsense written by this peasant..."

The scholar's teary-eyed appearance was unexpectedly appealing. The emperor gave him an extra glance, quirked an eyebrow, and snatched the scholar's right hand.

The scholar's vision went black. "..."

I'm finished, His Majesty must be about to chop off my writing hand!

Then the next second, his hand, guided by the emperor, was pressed upon the Royal Pillar.

Scholar: "..."

Emperor: "Get a good feel."

His face beet red, the scholar took a tentative grope.

Emperor: "How long?"

Scholar, trembling: "Three inches."

Scholar: "No wait, it got a bit longer, four inches."

Scholar: "A, a bit more longer, five inches."

Scholar: "...It stopped. Five and a half inches."

Emperor: "From now on write five and a half inches. Strive for realism, understand?"

The scholar's head bobbed like a pecking chicken. "Understood."

Scholar: "May this peasant... be dismissed?"

Emperor: "We say you may."

The scholar breathed a sigh of relief, feeling like he gained back a life.

But then the emperor pointed at his five and a half inches, and said, "It says you may not."

Scholar: "..."

With a flip, the emperor pressed the scholar beneath his body.

And so, this life that the scholar just got back was nearly lost again on the Royal Bed.

After a ride on the Royal Train with the emperor, the scholar's world view was completely destroyed.

It's not that he was entirely unwilling.

After having written two whole books of m/m smut, the scholar had succeeded in un-straight-ing himself as well. Besides, the emperor was handsome and a skillful flirt, not even to mention his position of wealth. Being laid once by the emperor is not a bad deal, theoretically speaking.

But in the end the scholar was an academic, and felt this was too contrary to custom. His heart full of shame, he felt he had no dignity left to face his ancestors.

So, sobbing and blubbering, the scholar yanked three feet of white silk, and went to hang himself.

Halfway through his hanging, the emperor (who had been on the side watching the theatrics) casually strolled up, and cut down the scholar just like how it was written in the novel.

And then conveniently used those three feet of white silk to engage in a bit of bondage play.

The scholar, tied up like that in white silk: "..."

Not good, not good! This scene is a bit familiar!

Another hour passed.

The scholar sprawled limply across the Royal Bed like a broken puppet.

The emperor caught his breath, then stated, "Again."

The scholar was scared white, and rushed to guard his ass. "No, no, this peasant cannot withstand any more."

This train has been driven nearly to pieces by the emperor!

The Emperor sighed with heavy regret. "Then come back tomorrow."

Scholar: "If this peasant may dare ask..."

Emperor: "Mm?"

Scholar: "Why is Your Majesty so, so..."

Thirsty.

The emperor's eyes narrowed slightly. "You still have the nerve to ask?"

Scholar: "What?"

Emperor: "In your little book you wrote that Our Royal Pillar is a foot long, normally wrapped around the waist, causing the High General of Zhennan - who did not grimace even when cut open to the bone during surgery - to cry to the heavens, unable to leave his bed for half a month. And then your book became a bestseller, in addition to pirated copies circulating amidst the masses. In total some tens of thousands of copies have been spread far and wide."

The scholar's business mind took over, and silently calculated how much silver those ungrateful pirates stole from what should be rightfully his. His chest clenched painfully, more painful than even his ass.

If those tens of thousands of books had been sold rightfully, he could've even put himself on last year's List of Wealthiest Scholars if he wanted to!

The Emperor, gritting his teeth: "In all the cut-sleeve circles in the Capitol, no one dared to consort with Us, thus cursing Us to long lonely nights with only Our left and right hands for company."

The scholar's scalp burst with a layer of cold sweat, feeling as if he were finished.

Emperor: "We certainly cannot announce to the masses that We are actually a standard five and a half inches."

The scholar flashed upon the image of the emperor making this announcement to the masses. The corner of his mouth spasmed, nearly laughing aloud.

Emperor: "..."

The scholar hurriedly restored his face to an expression full of deep pain.

The emperor grasped the scholar's chin and turned him toward himself. "The Grand Princess said you were pretty good looking, so We wanted to see for Ourselves whether that was true."

Emperor: "If you were truly attractive, then We would have you, to vent Our heart's lust."

The scholar felt a retroactive fear. "And if it had been false?"

Emperor: "Then you'd be dragged out for fifty paddles, to vent Our heart's hatred."

Scholar: "..."

Either way his ass would be wrecked all the same.

Emperor: "From today on, you belong to Us. Stay with Us wholeheartedly, and We will ensure you win valedictorian."

In the imperial exam rankings, the emperor's opinion was very important.

The scholar felt a bit unfair. "In truth, this peasant had spent many years of hard work studying, with the guidance of a renowned instructor, and performed pretty well during this imperial exam; I had a pretty good shot to begin with..."

The emperor nodded. "Indeed, your answer was not bad. It was to Our liking."

The scholar's eyes lit up.

The emperor smiled with malice. "But if We do not allow you to win, then you can not win."

The scholar, tragically struck by a hidden rule: "..."

Emperor: "How about it?"

The scholar bowed his head and pondered, his hesitant expression gradually growing firm. After a moment, he jumped to his feet bare-assed, and stated, "This peasant fears he may not be able to obey."

The emperor furrowed his brow. "How so?"

Bare-assed, the scholar's face was resolute. "This peasant just remembered, Your Majesty had long ago wed the Chancellor's daughter as queen, and later also took the daughter of the High General of Weiwu as consort..."

The emperor's eyebrow quirked slightly.

Bare-assed, the scholar flicked a nonexistent sleeve, and cited with his head high, "If this peasant submits himself to Your Majesty in this situation, not only is it unfitting for custom, but it would be unfitting for morality."

His words concluded, the scholar climbed off the bed bare-assed, and searched for his clothes all over the floor.

The Emperor chuckled lightly. "You mean the Queen and Consort Jing?"

Continuing to bare-assedly look for his clothes, the scholar grumbled, "Correct."

The emperor bore a half-smile on his face. "Accompany Us to the rear palace, and you will understand."

The scholar declared, "This peasant has already made up his mind; I'm not going."

And so, the scrawny weakling scholar was hauled off by royal guards on his left and right to the rear palace.

The Emperor waved his hand, and the royal guards withdrew.

The Emperor led a mopey scholar in a few circles around the rear garden.

Turning a corner in a twisty corridor, the scholar caught the sight of two women pressed together.

The beautiful, haughty queen had the doe-like Consort Jing thrust against the wall.

Scholar: "..."

This must be the Queen having a jealous bout with Consort Jing!

The Emperor gave a light cough.

But neither the Queen nor Consort Jing seemed to hear, not even glancing in their direction.

The Queen tipped up Consort Jing's chin. "Little one, did We not feed you enough last night?"

Cheeks flushed red, Consort Jing shyly turned her head away.

Emperor: "..."

Scholar: "..."

And then, the Queen and Consort Jing resumed their PDA like no one was around, then went off hand-in-hand to fly kites.

Emperor: "Understand?"

Scholar: "...A little, perhaps."

Emperor: "The Queen and Consort Jing have felt this way for each other for a long time. The night before Our wedding, the Queen had originally planned to elope with Consort Jing to Dali."

Scholar: "..."

Dali again; why do you people have it out for Dali?

Emperor: "But the road is long and treacherous, and who knows how much hardship and danger two lone women would meet along the way. Furthermore, Consort Jing's constitution is frail from birth and may not withstand such turmoil, plus the Chancellor and the High General of Weiwu would be after them."

Emperor: "So We told the Queen that We were cut-sleeve, and they needed not escape. After a false wedding to Us, they could remain together long-term in the palace, and We would no longer be continuously urged to marry by the court. Everyone wins."

At the mention of being urged to marry, the emperor looked ready to cry tears of blood.

When members of the court bring up the topic of marriage, they will all do so in the format of a submitted petition, each petition bloated with tens of thousands of words, rambling from the ancestral customs to the kingdom's welfare, and then they'll kick up the dramatics to the point of threatening suicide, their power levels hundreds of times greater than a houseful of aunties gathered for the New Year.

Since it's been established from antiquity that the monarch cannot execute loyal advisors, the emperor is obliged to listen. He can only dream about dragging those old bones out the gate to be chopped a hundred times over.

The scholar came to a realization. "So then the reason Your Majesty has not sired children..."

The Emperor nodded. "We have never touched so much as a finger of theirs, and never will."

Emperor: "We prefer to touch you."

The scholar blushed red. "But if Your Majesty does not have heirs, you will still be urged by the court to do so all the same."

Emperor: "If We do not bear progeny, what of it?"

Scholar: "..."

In a flash the Emperor's countenance changed, his eyes glaring with authority. "All of you are so capable; come come come, you do the birthing, you come birth for Us."

The emperor's expression grew soft once more. "And then they dared not speak again."

Scholar: "Pfft."

A breeze swept past a flowering tree, as if tinted with a streak of soft light, and then right away, the fragrance-filled wind stole away between the two of them.

The two's eyes met for a long moment.

Using the folding fan signed by the scholar, the emperor gently lifted the scholar's chin, and asked softly, "So, are you willing or not?"

The scholar won valedictorian.

Having fulfilled the dream of both the scholar and eighteen generations of the scholar's ancestors, one could say he has honored his ancestors plenty.

From then on, the scholar began a life of attending court during the day, and being courted at night.

The emperor had a mischievous sense of humor. He ordered the scholar to revive the pen name Mt. Qiuming's Driving God, and return to his old work of writing fics.

But, this time the scholar only wrote for the ship of Emperor/newly ranked valedictorian, and none of it smutty; it was all fluff fic focused solely on romance.

The Emperor had a small shelf in his royal library, filled with the novellas written by the scholar.

Different subjects, different scenarios, but the main characters are always the Emperor and the scholar.

Emperor: "When We read these books of yours, it feels as if We had already spent many lifetimes with you."

The emperor was happy, but the Capital's fujoshi circle was full of wails and tears.

It's a disaster! The grandmaster has committed fandom adultery!

Changing ships was forgivable, but he didn't even write smut anymore. It was all fluff fic as pure as water.

The readers were all commenting they were going to die from blandness!

What they didn't know was, the grandmaster Mt. Qiuming's Driving God was still driving the smut train in private on the daily.

It's just that this train carried only the Emperor alone.

Whatever the Emperor wanted to read, the scholar wrote for His Majesty. And after the Emperor's done reading it, he'd put it into practice at night.

"Beep—Emperor Card."

[End]

Epilogue (F/M)

The Emperor arranged a marriage between the High General of Zhennan and the Grand Princess Difu.

He was as handsome as she was lovely, a well-matched couple.

But the Grand Princess was unwilling.

The emperor was puzzled. "The High General of Zhennan had already proved his worth on the battlefield at a young age. He's handsome and well-off, with land and status. Why, Dear Sister, are you unwilling?"

Princess: "I just feel like the High General of Zhennan trips my gaydar hard."

The High General of Zhennan was shocked. "Your Majesty! Your humble servant has been wronged!"

Emperor: "What gives you this impression, Dear Sister?"

Princess: "Maybe from a book I read."

Emperor: "...Could it be that one your brother-in-law wrote?"

The Grand Princess nodded.

Originally the Grand Princess had been fond of the handsome and mighty general...

But a shadow fell over her heart because of a zine!

The High General of Zhennan was as wronged as a blizzard in June. "Your humble servant is straight as a yardstick; I beg the Princess to verify!"

The Emperor waved his hand. "Your brother-in-law was writing nonsense. I've already disciplined him; no need to mention it further."

Later on, the High General of Zhennan spent a Herculean effort to pursue the Grand Princess. The Grand Princess finally agreed.

The two of them began a happy life together.

Aside from the Prince Consort always wanting to strangle his brother-in-law... everything was perfect.

End

[taintedbenevolence]

INTRO PAGE / PLEASE READ

— ❝ my beloved, weeping angel... sing for me — sing for me until your throat burns from calling out my name. ❞

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INTRODUCTIONS ABOUT MYSELF !

NAMES. Please refer to me by names such as Veris, Aeros, or Azu. If you'd like to refer to me by any nicknames, message me! I'll let you know whether I'm fine with it or not <33

PRONOUNS & PREFERENCES. My pronouns are she / her, so please refer to me as such! As for preferences, I'm currently straight.

MBTI. My MBTI is ISFP-A. A bit of an ISXP, but I'm closer to an ISFP than an ISTP, although I identify with traits from both.

ENNEAGRAM. My Enneagram is 4w5.

ZODIAC SIGN. I'm not all into signs, but, for any of you who'd like to know, I'm a Pisces, born on February 23rd.

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About Me !

WHAT DO I DO? I'm a writer and artist. I love music, art, and writing, and as such, I am quite happy to settle here.

BLOG'S PURPOSE. This blog was created so that I could share my written works, characters, and headcanons, amongst other things that are unlisted.

FIND YOU WHERE? Other places where you can find me (or where you may know me from) are Wattpad and Quotev. If you know me from either of those places, you should be acquainted with my writing.

MY SCHEDULE. I don't follow a schedule in particular, so please don't expect me to be posting / writing on a specific day of the week. I'll be posting when I feel like it.

NSFW. Please know that there will be explicit content in this blog, so for any minors who are following me, if you're not comfortable with such posts, just carry on and do not interact with those posts. Block the tags vanilla.cream and saccharine.affinity if you don't want to interact with nsfw content.

AM I WELCOME? Ageless, 18+, minor, and other sorts of blogs are welcome here, but I'll reiterate: if you are a minor, do not interact with nsfw content.

BYF. If you have zero content in your blog or you have no indicative that you are a real person, I will soft-block you. So please, put something in your bio / header / profile that lets me know you are an actual person.

REJECTION. I have a right to not answer your ask if it bothers me or if I do not agree with it. There will be dark content here, but there is also a line to cross. So if I do not answer your ask at all ( WITHIN THE SAME YEAR IT WAS SENT ), you know why. It is very rare that I do not answer an ask at all. If you are not sure whether Tumblr ate your ask or if I won't ever answer it, send it TWICE. If I don't answer still after two months, you know I have discarded your ask.

YANDERE. There will be yandere content in this blog, although it won't be all. I won't say whether it'll be the majority or not, I am merely stating that it will be present. If you are not comfortable with such topics, move on, and do not interact. Block the tag cranberry.ichor if you don't want to see yandere content of my blog.

ZERO SPOILERS. Do not give me spoilers regarding any series I list I am in, and if you are messaging me / sending an ask about a series unlisted, do not include spoilers. Unless I explicitly state otherwise, do not send anything that might be considered spoilers. With that set aside, feel free to discuss anything you like with me, whether it be ships, theories, or any particular headcanons you'd like for me to indulge in by writing for them.

GIVING A NUDGE. As I stated earlier, I don't follow a particular posting schedule, and as such, I will ask you don't rush me if you request anything. However, if a ridiculous amount of time has passed by (let's say, around 4 weeks or so) and I still have not published an ask you sent, feel free to nudge and ask if things are alright. As long as you're not nasty about it, I'm more than happy to give my reasoning for the time taken and why I'm not posting.

Side blogs - 1. @moonlitcravings ( full yandere blog ) 2. @tears-of-raindrop ( no smut blog )

C.AI account - 1. INCXRNADINE

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𓆩⟡𓆪 Fandoms 𓆩⟡𓆪

✦ NO SPOILERS, PLEASE !

chainsaw man [csm] vanitas no carte [vnc] pokémon [pkmn] honkai impact 3rd [hi3] haikyuu!! death note assassination classroom tokyo ghoul [tg] final fantasy xv final fantasy vii rebirth twisted wonderland

✦ SERIES IS FINISHED / SPOILERS ALLOWED

wuthering waves [wuwa] genshin impact honkai: star rail [hsr] persona 5 [p5] fire emblem: three houses [fe3h] angels of death [snt] attack on titan [snk]

Important Note!

OC CONTENT. I'll be writing OC content here, so, do expect that. If you want me to write about my OCs, feel free to ask about it. I'll be willing to write depending on the request. I also write AUs, so, go wild.

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TAGS - when.angels.cry - will mostly be seen on random posts, whether it be answers to anonymous asks or posts about mundane subjects sugar.shot - FLUFF content vanilla.cream - NSFW content cranberry.ichor - YANDERE content saccharine.affinity - DARK content such as smut and yandere, but with content that some may find disturbing. ex: teratophilia, monster fucking, etc.

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[scottsummersevents]

For the Sexy Days of Summers Event happening right now we've invited Scott Summers (Cyclops) fans to take part in spreading more love for him out there on the internet by creating fanfiction, fanart, fan works, etc. to celebrate our favorite X-Men leader and the possibility of what if. For the duration of this challenge so far we've received some really incredible submissions with super rare pairings that are new to us. For the month of September we'd like to share some of those and also share some various fandom creations along the way in terms of content. Some might be an old favorite pairing while others might be something in terms of shipping you've never considered before.

Today's spotlight pairing is another a fun rare one that's got a lot of potential!

Below under the cut you can take a look at this pairing and see what fun it could prove to be!

Also if you have a favorite Scott pairing and a fanfic that you've written or that you love, then feel free to drop us a note and let us know so we can showcase it in the future!

Stay tuned for more duo spotlights coming soon!

If this is what we've got, then what we've got is gold by StormXPadme (Rated E) In which, after a failed gig at the Mutant High prom, Scott punishes Remy for fucking up in the most delicious way possible.

On Saturdays, we wear red by StormXPadme (Rated E)

Waiting by Silicon_Tiger (Rated T) It shouldn't take Gambit this long to do the mission he was back up for.

Dinner by Silicon_Tiger (Rated M) They're having a quick Dinner at his sister in law's house on Valentine's day

Unsafe Driving and An Intentional Mess by Silicon_Tiger (Rated E) While on a trip from Westchester to New Orleans they pull off somewhere in Appalachia to stop at house the Guild owns.

Only the Best by Silicon_Tiger (Rated T) A moment in an expensive hotel with Scott and Remy

The Offer by Silicon_Tiger (Rated E) While wanting to lay in the sun to bake away his frustration about his break up with Rogue out of his mind Remy gets an offer from someone else who had a recent break up.

Unexpected Result by Silicon_Tiger (Rated T) A moment together and an unexpected declaration.

No Crisis this Time by Silicon_Tiger (Rated T) Gambit just enjoys being in space not during a crisis for once.

Anticlimactic by Silicon_Tiger (Rated M) Cyclops and Gambit were sent into their past selves to save the world, it didn't amount to much work at all leaving them with time to kill.

Akward Encounter by Silicon_Tiger (Rated T) Scott is irritated while waiting to meet his long lost father.

Leather and Sunglasses by SultrySirenScripts (Rated E) After Logan has to dip for a different mission, Scott gets put with Gambit on this one. The mission? Infiltrating a dom/sub club for mutants.

My Body is a (Page) by tyrsdayschild (Rated E) Remy and Scott seek comfort, late one night.

Freed by the Pollen by RedCoyote (Rated E) It is only when Scott and Remy are hit by a mutant's sex pollen that the two of them are able to act one what they are feeling.

elevators are death traps by mothicalcreatures (Rated G) Scott's ridden the elevator with this guy a lot since he's moved into the building, but they've never really spoken too much.

This Changes Nothing by orphan_account (Rated T) Scott and Remy are doing the kissing thing when Remy has the realization that he's probably going to have to tell Scott something important about himself if they're going to take whatever this is any further.

Making Love Out of Nothing At All by eoen (Rated E)

No Excuses by ladygray99 (Rated M) It’s not Scott’s job to be reckless.

Old Glory by valderys for azure_chaos (Rated T) After the Event, Scott isn't really Cyclops any more, and Remy isn't Gambit. But they might find something else - even standing in the wreckage, something might still be saved.

[fountainpenguin]

👁️ Neighborhood Watch AU 👁️

A gritty interpretation of the 3rd Life Series, with the first 5 seasons mashed into a single timeline.

3rd Life SMP Series

More MCYT AUs

#ridwork guides

What Is This AU?

Slice-of-life stories about mob hybrids in a dystopian society full of violent Red Names. The objective? Survive.

The Four Lands are home to several large cultures, most notably those of Dogwarts, Magical Mountain, the East Woods, and the Southlands. While they have their differences, one cultural idea stands strong:

Find your soulmate, protect them with your life, and avoid dying at all costs... lest you join the ranks of Reds and turn on those you once called "Friend."

AO3 Series

Blog tag - #Neighborhood Watch AU

Character Doc - Species and brief details on each character in the series, plus the Red-Clocker-Ties'g family tree

Tone

Gritty, dark, and dramatic with humor, fluff, and romance mixed in.

Characters

- Life Series ensemble, with a focus on:

- The Clockers (Cleo, Etho, Scar, Bdubs)

- Divorce Quartet (Cleo, Martyn, Scott, Pearl)

- Grian (Universe swapper)

- Scar [Oscar Goodchild] (Desperate to escape the Four Lands)

- Ren and BigB (Dogwarts royalty raising their son, Kase [Box])

- Joel (Raised in a culture a step outside the Four Lands)

Ships

Relationships range from "marriage of convenience" to romantic. Notable ones:

- The Double Life soulmate pairs are generally together, as society encourages this. Scott and Pearl were married (QPR) until splitting, hence divorce quartet. Also, Grian pines after BigB.

- Martyn/Mumbo (Betrothed by King Ren; pre-Nether exile).

- Cleo married Bdubs in line with 3rd Life canon, but they parted ways. Later, she married Etho (Limited Life) and Bdubs married Impulse (Double Life).

- Martyn hopes to win over Cleo, though by that point she's twice divorced and raising two kids... and not thrilled her soulmate took his time showing up.

- Background flower husbands.

- Cleo signs up for a program to act as a soulmate to those who don't know theirs and feel lonely. She's paired with Skizz and they become close over time.

-> Skizz recognized Martyn as Cleo's soulmate due to a burn mark on his thigh. Skizz says he sees that mark whenever Cleo wears shorts, but Martyn thinks it's innuendo, so take it as you will.

- The character doc covers characters and ships in more detail, using surnames to separate characters with the same first name.

Setting

Map I drew for "For Sale: Bird Wings (Never Worn)"

- Dystopian fantasy world. The Four Lands do their best to thrive despite Red Names and anarchy.

- Many resources have been mined over the years, leaving things like diamonds, shulker boxes, and elytra rare. Lack of diamonds means lack of Nether portals. The Nether is largely unknown and frightening.

- The Red Desert stretches northeast until you reach Mezalea; the Coral Isles are to the west. Ghost town of Valentine Pier is in the northwest.

- Time passes slowly. For example, running a mob farm requires raising mobs for birth and harvesting their resources months or even years down the line.

- 12-page doc containing my measurement notes for things like world size and travel time (hybrid wings vs. horses) and all my sources for that info. Readers don't need to know this stuff, but it's interesting if you like meta.

- Most works taste place in the Westlands or the Southlands. Specifically, in the west up on that cliff by the bay. Breadcrumb beach is in the south.

- Grian's Guide to the Four Lands [WIP; unrevealed]

Is It For Me?

- This series delves into darker, grittier themes than most of my work. My goal is for G and T content to be read standalone if you choose to skip M or E content.

- Martyn [Phantom hybrid] hides his wings and stays undercover so he won't be attacked for his membranes. Also, he and several other characters eat roadkill (and other dead things they find).

- Reds feel little beyond murder urges and tend towards violence, aggression, and destruction (Ex: Red Etho cutting the wings off his pet phantom because he's bored).

- Lots of ships in this universe. They still have drama, but are less likely to split than in the Pixels Imperfect AU, where relationships are closer to roleplay.

- More emphasis on things like romance, sexuality, and sensuality than my other works, though a lot of pairs are soulmates living together (and not necessarily in love). Several bad sex scenes on purpose. #Sorry.

Major Themes

Strength, kindness, self-sacrifice, caretaking, humility, defining love in your own way, recovery, found family.

Plot Highlights

- Martyn was the King's Hand until he went Red and lost everything... Exiled to the Nether for his crimes.

- BigB was just Some Baker's Son before Red King Ren tracked him down. Now he's royalty.

- Etho and Cleo struggling to raise their kids while having a rocky relationship. Scar was born when they were Red. That went great.

- Wizard Scar makes contracts and catches people in his web.

- Martyn and Pearl join a singles support group (Broken Hearts Club).

- The Grian born in NW AU and the Grian born in Pixels Imperfect AU switched places after EVO. They're both fumbling, trying to figure out each other's worlds.

- Relationship therapy on a yacht

Ongoing?

Drafts for this AU began in 2022, with the first work posted October 2023. This series is ongoing with 70k words posted so far.

- Currently has infrequent updates since I'm posting a lot of other 'fics, but is expected to update often throughout 2025 (and future years) until its end.

Warnings, notes, and explanations below so readers can learn more about this AU. Dead dove. Don't like? Don't read.

👀 Take a Peek

New here? You might like to start with these:

- For now, the options below are great starting options. This section may be updated as more works are added to the series.

Start Reading

Recommended ways to get into the full AU

🌄 First Written - "Scary Stories For Young Fox Hybrids"

(T - 7800 words) - To give Cleo a weekend alone, Skizz brings Bdubs and Scar with him on what would normally be a Solo Skizz resource-scavenging trip.

They didn't expect the wounded phantom hybrid lurking in an abandoned game show studio.

- Easy introduction to world lore. Kids explore, Skizz teaches them things, brotherly play, soulmate mentions, and crafting magic too. Lore from multiple seasons weaves together.

This piece has a sequel - "Enter Mr. Littlewood" - as Scar and Bdubs get to know their new friend.

The Cornflower Waltz subseries contains all works for the "Cleo & Martyn post-Clockers divorce" arc. This is the main arc for this AU.

↔️ Grian's Universe Swap - "For Sale: Bird Wings (Never Worn)"

(T - 37k words) - When Grian Ties’g was 16, the last Totem of Undying in the known world swapped his soul with the Grian one universe to the left… sparing him a perma-death, but at what cost?

An overwhelmed Grian Xelqua - who did not sign up for this, thank you very much - jolts awake in a world where Red Names are no joke and stealing someone’s life is fair play.

And a very Red Tango now has a sword at his throat. ❤️

- Discover world lore alongside Grian, who just showed up and doesn't know any more than you do. Actually, probably less.

This piece has a sequel: "Goodchild Oscar"

📅 Chronological Start - "The Children of Dust and Ashes"

(G - 5000 words) - Teens Gem, Scott, and Impulse are stranded on a cherry wood mountain due to a zombie outbreak in the next town. Skizz looks after them as they set up camp for the night.

Also, Impulse gets possessed by the spirit of a long-dead builder who really, really liked cherry wood.

- Covers the basics of crafting magic, flight magic, and some decent world lore for a starting piece.

🗺️ Worldbuilding - Grian's Guide to the Four Lands

- Mob hybrids are built like satyrs.

- In Pixels Imperfect AU, Grian has a purple soul because he swapped in from NW. Likewise, our Grian has a blue soul because he came from the Pixels AU.

- Locals form soulmate bonds during puberty, linking them to a person they may not know who may live far across the land.

-> The Double Life soulmate pairs remain consistent since this AU is based on canon, so all the Bdubs are soulmates with Impulses, all the Cleos with Martyns, and so on. Small exception for occasional Grian-Joel pairs, as they were soulmates in Secret Life.

-> The culture places heavy emphasis on finding your soulmate and working together as a team before it's too late.

- Causing someone's perma-death will boost you up a life. Notably, Pearl got a mass kill during "With Acid In Your Eyes" that boosted her and Scott to 24 lives within 3 seconds.

- Residents of this world use mining and crafting magic. They master it as they grow older, but can only mine soft blocks (wool, dirt) when they're young.

- Dogwarts holds a lot of political control. Ren is the Red King. Supposedly, Martyn killed his father, the Crimson King. There are also rumors that Martyn may the Crimson King's illegitimate son.

- Fancy titles, such as Mumbo being a lord (which is why he and Martyn were betrothed).

- People are named after the location they're born and change their surname to mirror their current alliance (Or, an important past alliance if not their current one). Character doc.

- Local resources are low-quality, but some people have notable items, such as Grian who has a Sharpness II netherite sword apparently passed down from his parents (mirroring his weapon in 3rd Life) and Skizz, who has elytra wings passed through his family.

- Phantoms carry mail. Impulse raises them (a nod to his phantom sanctuary at the close of Hermitcraft Season 8).

- It's believed people's souls roam the land once they're dead. They usually stay near the Secretmounds, but may on occasion cross your path and influence your actions.

- People distrust wizards. However, they can probably boost you up a life if you sign a contract... Do you dare?

- This AU parallels the canon series. May contain small Easter eggs to my 'fic Dog's Life [Pixels Imperfect]. The two AUs exist in parallel, so that season's roleplay is technically canon in this world's lore.

📋 AU Notes & Warnings

I consider this AU dead dove. Lots of things people may not want to see, but I've covered all the topics I can think of. It may not be for you, but thanks for checking out this guide!

Individual pieces will be tagged appropriately, and my longfics will have all their warnings listed in author's notes as well.

Neighborhood Watch is canon-inspired, but it does take creative liberties.

-> Ex: Deaths are rarer in this universe since this world contains multiple series condensed into one. Instead, there are near-death experiences.

-> Martyn and Cleo put effort into their soulmate relationship as we balance their Double Life drama with the Limited Life canon of Martyn being godfather to the Clocker kids. They still fight, but events (and fights) are in a different order than canon.

Relationships - Don’t worry if you see Cleo/Bdubs in the tags of one story, but also Bdubs is their child in another story. These are separate characters in the family tree, which is indicated by their last names and hybrid traits. No incest here!

-> I’ll try to make this clear in each story, and the character doc will help you too.

-> Grian is soulmates with Oscar Goodchild and cousins with Scar Clocker. They're both based on Scar, but are separate.

Canon-typical violence treated seriously - A balance between realism and cartoony vibes. Mostly chill. This world has swords, axes, arrows, lava, burns, suffocation, and drowning. We do have respawn and I’m not planning any severe torture scenes

-> No red blood. This AU uses goopy purple soul goop. It IS used in a similar way to blood, but has unique properties (such as vaporizing when the player respawns).

-> Martyn drips soul goop in “Scary Stories For Young Fox Hybrids.”

-> Respawn-related body horror. Grian’s death and totem respawn in Chapter 1 of “For Sale: Bird Wings (Never Worn)” is a good example.

-> Corpses + scavenger body horror. Ex: zombie-related cannabalis Some mobs and hybrids scavenge (such as foxes and phantoms). Martyn eats roadkill and Cleo has definitely eaten dead hybrids.

Attempted (possibly effective) self-harm or suicide - Things like Pearl taking damage to hurt Scott via soulmate bond, or Etho jumping from high places to “punish” Joel.

-> I don’t currently have a place for Grian’s 3rd Life perma-death (suicide), but that could potentially show up and/or be referenced

-> Characters may reference people they used to know who chose to end their lives (NPC neighbors)

Attempted murder, death, and child death - Typical 3rd Life universe; you know the drill.

-> This is a dystopian culture where trapping and killing others is widely accepted as the reality. Children are not immune from being hurt or killed.

-> Arsenic Waltz - Scar is a good example of a child death as he drops to Yellow while still an infant. This is referenced multiple times throughout the AU.

Weird gender dynamics - This world is straight-up skewed so boys are born more often than girls. Not mentioned often, but it's a big deal when baby girls are born.

-> Also, women tend to face pregnancy pressure.

References to miscarriages or abortion - No current plans, but could reasonably come up within this AU.

-> Ex: Cleo and Etho talking about whether they want to keep their second kid after pregnancy.

Ambiguous Relationships, Arranged Relationships, and/or Pressure For Relationship

Soulmate bonds don’t have to be romantic. Some people choose to go their whole lives without meeting their soulmate.

-> King Ren plucks BigB out of his small town and escorts him back to the city to live a lavish lifestyle. BigB goes along with it, but his comfort and consent are kind of dubious because… he’s not gonna fight the king 

Arsenic Waltz - The Impulse “secret girlfriend” arc… Implied threesome between Bdubs, Impulse, and Cleo, but it’s definitely ambiguous. -> Etho starts pulling away from Cleo and slips into his absent dad arc, but feels pressured to help provide for his kids. -> Martyn tries to win Cleo over, feeling like he “should” because they’re soulmates, and gets frustrated with her reluctance.

Lots of ambiguity between platonic and romantic soulmates. Some people are in soulmate relationships and don’t define them very clearly.

-> Grian and Scar are a good example of this and the lines are super blurred, so whether Grian is truly “cheating” on Scar is a little vague (as is the level of whether Scar cares, being Red at the time)

I mostly write dramedies about imperfect relationships; I delve into a lot of angst and ambiguity with fluff sprinkled in.

Please feel free to enjoy all the fluff and sex scenes, but most of the time they are there for some kind of plot and those characters may end up parting ways via divorce or Red life. Proceed at your own discretion!

Soulmate-normative society - Things like Jimmy’s comment to Martyn in DL Ep 2 (“Isn’t your soulmate doing soulmate things with another person?”), or Jimmy telling Cleo and Scott to “Stop trying to be soulmates” (Implying dumping your soulmate and/or living with someone else is not looked upon favorably).

-> Soulmates don’t have to be romantic. However, most people expect you’ll make an effort to learn who your soulmate is.

-> Cleo being upset that Martyn never showed up is an example of her playing into this normative expectation.

Open Relationships - Open relationships are common in this world. Some ways this is played include:

-> Marriages are widely accepted to break when you’re on Red. Technically most people don’t get properly divorced, but it’s generally assumed the relationship is over.

-> Tango/Skizz Heart Foundation polyamory.

-> Scott and Pearl are (were) married and in a QPR, but the relationship is open so they can get their sexual desires fulfilled elsewhere.

-> Grian getting frustrated with Scar’s lack of interest (i.e. due to Scar’s Red numbness while their life colors are de-synced) so he tries to seek satisfaction outside his relationship.

I haven’t gotten there yet, so I don’t know if Scar fully agrees the relationship is open or if it’s cheating. We’ll find out together.

Queer Themes / Peculiar Relationship Dynamics - By nature of these ‘fics being based on a male-dominated series, there are quite a few M/M ships here. Same-sex relationships are normalized.

-> I love writing aro and ace stuff and that’s what I’m familiar with. You’ll probably see a lot of aro and ace themes in this series, especially queerplatonic relationships.

-> Skizz is in a weird situation where his soulmate perma-died young. He tends to seek out other people who fill a variety of intimate roles from him, such as Tango whom he’s more physical with (Heart Foundation vibes) or Cleo whom he’s more emotional with (References to Last Life and LimLife where they sought each other out for hugs)

-> Scott and Pearl are married and in a QPR (queerplatonic relationship). Scott is gay and Pearl is aro. Married, divorced, and miss each other when they separate (or at least Pearl missing Scott á la Double Life drama).

-> A hybrid has either a warm, cool, hot, or chilly soul, and soulmates are always linked up as opposites (warm-cool, hot-chilly). This is called correspondent. If you pursue someone of a different temperature, that's non-normative (or queer).

-> Several characters are correspondent-normative while others are not.

Sexual Content - Sexual content may appear in stories rated M or E, but expect pretty vanilla stuff. Some stories may include innuendo.

-> Not all sex scenes are intended to be good sex. Red life sex in particular tends to be Not Great because I play the Reds as numb and craving only murder.

-> Arsenic Waltz and Cornflower House have some sex scenes.

Dubcon / Noncon / Feeling things through the soulmate bond - You start picking up what your soulmate can feel during puberty. Some sensations can be felt as early as like 14ish and the bond should be complete by age 20. I made a good faith effort to keep everyone above 18 before referencing sex, but worth a heads up.

-> If your soulmate dies young, it may un-sync what color life you’re on. Skizz is a good example in this AU: his soulmate perma-died before they sync’d, so he doesn’t have one (a nod to him not being in Double Life)

-> Feeling things can lead to dubcon or noncon situations (including sexual situations). Individual chapters will warn for that.

-> Ex: There's a scene where one character taps their body a lot in an attempt to safeword to their distant soulmate, but this goes ignored. That character is very distressed about it and it plays a big role in the story. It's based on canon, so kudos if you can guess what it is!

-> If you’re highly sensitive to dubcon or noncon, Arsenic Waltz and Cornflower House are probably not for you (And that's okay!)

Pregnancy and Breastfeeding - Namely Cleo in Arsenic Waltz because I’m aiming to do a serious look at their life, pregnancy, and child rearing experiences and they have two kids, so they’re going through this once with Scar and once with Bdubs.

-> Martyn also references secondhand pregnancy pains (i.e. complaining that he didn’t go through 18 hours of secondhand labor pains just for Scar to fall to Yellow Life young).

-> Potential references to menstrual cycles… though we do live in a universe without blood, so idk. Probably only mentioned in regards to pregnancy situations or secondhand soulmate cramps.

-> Considering hybrids have survived despite their skewed gender ratio, maybe this is a universe without cycles, but very high pregnancy odds? Hmm...

Mob Hybrids / Animal Behavior Influences - All characters are mob hybrids. Animal behavior may include:

Humanoids eating roadkill

Zombie-related cannibalism (This one’s important!)

Infighting for dominance

Mob courtship (Flicking tails, rustling wings)

Pack dynamics (Ex: “The leader of the group is perceived to be hot and gets and/or wants all the mates”)

-> Phantoms, wolves, blaze, and vex are examples of mobs that spawn together and are therefore interpreted as being pack-oriented

The sexual moments are written for humanoid characters (i.e. no notable anatomy differences). May contain minor references to sharp teeth, whimpering, a flicking tail, or claws pricking skin. Pretty vanilla humanoid stuff in this ‘verse.

-> I had an early concept where Etho is confused Cleo doesn't have two rows of teats down her belly like a fox, so take that as you will.

Mob Farms - It's common to farm mobs, but this requires breeding them. In this universe, ravagers are treated as cattle; they breed with cows. Mobs build nests or dens (as opposed to babies poofing in).

-> The Ranchers have a mob ranch.

There are some ethical dilemmas and subcultures related to mob farming that occur in the background of this universe, though I’m not sure we’ll get into that much.

I think that's everything, but if you think of anything I missed, send me an Ask and I'll add it.

Thanks for reading! If NW AU intrigues you, check it out on AO3!

- More MCYT AUs

- Want more info? Send an Ask!

You can create works based on this AU. Please cite me and/or the AU as appropriate (i.e. for things very specific to this AU). You are free to expand on ideas you've thought of thanks to my AU as a jumping off point. I'd love to reblog or link things to my AO3 works if I see them!

I write content with morally gray characters. Please don't portray my story events or worldbuilding out of context with intentional malice. As in, I request you do not post things created for the specific intention of bashing me or the AU

[silvercat-s]

Thank you for responding! I think I understand what you mean by the change of your views, since I have been following you on and off since then, I have happily witnessed your evolution here. As far as memory serves, you started off on the note of seeing Henry in not so insightfully nuanced way as you do now, and that's actually something no one can blame you for, the play did make us truly connect where Jamie Campbell Bower's empathetic defense emerged from since the beginning. Deep down, I wanted him to be redeemed too (his moments with El seemed way too genuine to be overlooked haha) but just like that you, I felt I didn't have enough evidences to point towards that direction till TFS spoilers started to drop by. But I am replying to you here to make you know that the perception which we have had it now overwritten under new Henry Creel content's light was not something to be embarrassed of. That was still you and your amazing analytical skills to have drawn what you drew with whatever limited info we were given. I understand that we are constantly growing, changing and that's a great thing, but that doesn't make your earlier reviews to be entirely wrong, they rather add beauty to its complexity which I believe we all should be proud of. It also commemorates our growth as a dedicated fan of a show which has a thing for life-changing twists for 001 of its characters. (pun obviously intended lol). Besides some of your speculations hit the bull's eyes. ( George being Henry after all) So your older blogs are still "a nice walk down memory lane" memories :))) I still admire your bravery for voicing your opinions no matter how odd one out they seemed at that time. Secondly, ( yeah I have already written so much I should be at its last para by now but still xD) I also understand the discrepancy of ship you are onboard now. And it doesn't bother me at all honestly. I actually believed in Creelarke before the play had me doubting till I decided " I will first watch the play whenever it streams on Netflix and then see for myself, what seems more canon lol" I am not like one of those toxic fans who would harass you or hold a legit grudge for changing your opinions or no longer agreeing with something rarely mutual as the matter is honestly very subjective at this point, but I appreciate the warning of ' things not being the same' you put in your response :) And lastly, (yeah finally), whenever I click on those 3 dots which would open to " view archive or block user yada yada" options, it no longer contains the Archive feature. I even tried the URL trick lol, ( yup completely not that desperate) but it would come back to this page, it's honestly like Eleven running in Nina only to return to the Rainbow Room with Henry being "Well well" haha. Hence, I hope you look into it!

You're right, I was never one of those "Henry is a heartless monster who deserved all the abuse he suffered" people, he was always my favorite character after all, and I always believed his fate could've been avoided if he had got any true help and love, and that his fondness for Eleven was genuine, but I was still wrong about him in many ways, I used to think he always had those murderous tendencies even as a kid, and I just assumed that was the direction they were taking it, it never crossed my mind they would want to subvert the evil child trope, even tho the clues were always there, I just ignored them for a lot of reasons.

TFS was a very happy surprise after the initial denial stage lol it forced me to acknowledge so much, and I'm now very glad to know the duffers actually put so much thought and care into his character and that there is still so much about him left to discover!

And don't even get me started on Jcb; that poor man was defending Henry from the very beginning, and I'm sure the play made him feel so vindicated 😅

I wouldn't say I even have any analytical skills, but thank you! I'm not really embarrassed of how I used to see Henry, because, like you said, I was doing my best with the information that we had (with some wilful blindness added to the mix), and I was having fun, in the end it's just a fictional character, you know? It's not that serious, it's not a real life issue, we should be allowed to have fun and be wrong about things, and move on.

but I'm embarrassed over how I behaved toward some of the most dedicated Henry analists. I have apologized and they have forgiven me, but it still bothers me that I did that, I could've handled that so much better

And oh god YES I'm so glad I got a least one or two things right! it saved me from feeling completely humiliated 😅 and ugh, you're almost making me regret deleting some of my posts, but I think I mostly deleted the ones where I was being a mean idiot, hopefully there's still something for you

I'm just not sure what you mean with ship discrepancy. I've never really been much of a shipper, I don't really ship anyone with Henry. I did used to ship hentty in a "well, they are canon" way, but after seeing what some of the people who watched the play said about them...they are cute still, but definitely not a one true love situation, Henry deserved someone who truly loved and stood by him, and Patty apparently wasn't that person at all, but I would still love to see the play for myself to form a better opinion on it too!

And I'm not a creelarke shipper myself, but I do understand the appeal now, and I would support anything that would bring that poor guy some happiness 🥲 so don't worry! I don't really have an issue with any ship or even have a strong opinion on it, just whatever makes our boy happy

AND I fixed it! It was the "hide blog from people without an account" setting, I had no idea it did that; it's disabled now! I'm actually very honored and surprised that you liked my posts enough to do that haha, you're very nice and insightful, I hope you come off anon someday! ❤️

[muffinmonstah-art]

I think because nobody really makes any ship content for Jason and Barbara and it is extremely rare to see art for them, especially right now where everything is Dick and Barbara. So it’s nice to see that there is still a community out there or people who still like Jason and Barbara as a pairing. I absolute adore your JayBabs art! It’s so beautiful!

It's cute that my JayBabs art has been feeding my ask box a lot lately. I've produced a lot of fanart for niche ships over the years and I've never brought this type of attention to myself. By what you're saying the JayBabs tag has been very deprived of content. That's kinda sad. But it's not a big deal in my eyes. You'd be surprised by the fact that the majority of people engaging on the Batfam fandom online probably don't even know this ship exists and have no previous judgement towards it.

Sometimes you just need the one fanart that gets viral for the ship to gain a few new entusiastic shippers :)

The DickBabs ship is just Batwriter agenda, crafted with the purpose to keep Dick isolated from having any relevant bond outside the Batman property. And it's so fucking plastic and poorly writen that constantly gets in the way of everything even inside the Batman related stories. I'm starving for Jason & Dick content first and foremost, and I can't stand this shit getting in the way of every single Batfam dynamic involving Dick. Seriously, where are my Jason&Dick centered stories? I want Nightwing&Batman stories too without any nasty ships stealing valious pages from the story that could be used to explore other more relevant things. Do I also have to mention how annoying it is that Dick cannot count on his friends anymore because now his only bestie is the woke bitch?

The idea of me shipping this kind of editorial plastic craft that stank of "Batwriter agenda" since day 1, instead of a blank page full of potential for writers like JayBabs is laughable honestly.

Even worse it becomes when you add the fact that my most hated fictional trope of all times: the "childhood soulmates" one was injected to this turd back then, when the characters' ages were retconed to add their off-panel "history together" bullshit.

I have a problem with this trope. I have a big personal problem with any fictional ship that follows this shitty trope. This bland idealized fantasy that consists in two characters that meet each other as kids, and they become the first crush for each other, and become best friends and later on they start to date and they make love and they grow up together and stay together for the rest of their lives blablablah does not vibe at all with me. The reason? I LIVED IT IN REAL LIFE. The love of my life is the first man I've dated and the only romantic experience I had. It's been many many years since we started dating.

I get why normies instantly become attached and idealize this kind of relationships in fiction. Because in real life this is not the norm. The probabilites of someone having their first crush on their soulmate at a young age are what… 0.00001%? I've met many many people in my life, so did my boyfriend (and he knows thrice people than me), and even for the Catholic standards from my country, the number of people we've met that had a story similar to ours is NONE. It's no wonder really why so many writers write this ships so badly, and why the audiences of those stories cannot identify how awful those ships are. It's a fantasy scenario.

But I lived it, and I hate 99% of ships that fall into this trope because I consider they do a terrible job at depicting a reality that has been my normal day by day basis for the last 13 years. DickBabs is the worst of them all but in my eyes is just another example of why this shitty trope shoud burn in flames and never be used again, unless your typical writer actually tries to sit down for a minute and think about how humans behave and how human relationships work. You don't need to experience what you write in first hand to depict it well, you just need to be intelligent about it, do some proper research.

One day I'll write my own story featuring the childhood soulmates theme. It's going to be heavily based on my personal experience and it's going to bitchslap every stupid writer who ever wrote this trope as a bland boring idealized fantasy. It'll be the deconstruction of the childhood soulmates trope. I'll get to be the Latin American female version of Alan Moore!!!!1111oneone

But either way, I think it'd be nice if we stop mentioning DickBabs while talking about JayBabs. That ship is not a ship that has earned the status of relationship by the sweat and effort of countless writers that tried to make it work over the years like say, Clark and Louis. No. It's a Batwriter agenda shit. A retcon. The fact that it gets constantly shoved down our throats lately doesn't add any depth to that. It just makes it more forced and annoying. It really does not deserve the mention, unless it is to use it as a punching bag lmao.

Let's focus instead on why JayBabs has potential to be a great ship if it ever gets explored on the main continuity.

[iviarellereads]

The Plan, Such As It Is

tl;dr: System Collapse finishes the Murderbot series on Christmas. Last week of the year is a break, and then it's the Wheel of Time with likely between-book breaks for one-offs or shorter series, and someday maybe Alecto the Ninth.

I had a great time watching Desert Bus, and helping with the VST documenting and editing and uploading clips of the process of raising over a million dollars (over ten million in the lifetime of the event!) for a good cause. A most excellent week of "restoring my faith in humanity". But that's a little beside the point of this post.

I also got my hands on System Collapse, but because of how my brain works, I won't be reading it ahead, so we're going to have lots of fun as I read it for the first time in the format of the blog. Let's see if my style changes, if my predictions are well on or off the mark. (I have seen a few posts that spoiled a few moments and character bits, but I'm not concerned about those. I rarely feel like learning things that happen "ruins" anything about an experience anyway. If the story's well told, it's still fun to experience for myself.)

After System Collapse, well, that's the end of Murderbot to-date. And, I haven't run any polls for covering other things. That's because I'm pretty well set on rereading the Wheel of Time series, and revising my previous notes to this format.

It's something I could keep putting off, but the show has gotten so good, and it reminds me of all the things about the books that I loved so much (and how the show is fixing some things I didn't love). I'll also be very excited to do full-series spoiler posts again, Murderbot didn't have a lot that I felt needed commenting on, but the Wheel? Oh, buddy.

But, the caveat here is that the Wheel of Time has, well, fifteen very large books. Eleven thousand pages, over four million words. Coverage would take about three years if I didn't take breaks for other books in between, and I definitely will, so we're gonna be here for a while. I've said before that I was hesitant to cover Discworld for this, and I still am. Discworld has over forty books just in the main series besides the spinoffs, with a comparable total wordcount to WoT. Several of those, I have negative interest in ever rereading. Even if they're largely shorter than WoT bricks, they're also trickier to split, and I won't have as much context to share about them that isn't available elsewhere already. Whereas, the Wheel of Time lacks a lot of spoiler-free resources in print, despite the series being almost 35 years old. There was a huge influx of podcast coverage once the show publicity ramped up, but not so much blog style content. The few prologues and chapters that do need splitting, I've already calculated out from the first time I took the notes.

Mind you, I will be finding time for Alecto the Ninth coverage when Tamsyn Muir finally graces us with her presence, I'll just take a break between whichever WoT books I'm up to by then. And if something else strikes my fancy, I might alternate books. Like, making it through the Eye of the World might scratch the itch well enough, and make me want to dig into the Princess Bride as I threatened to once before, or perhaps when I reach my least favourite sequence of books in the middle, I'll alternate them with the His Dark Materials trilogy, though probably not its supplementary later materials because I'm still refusing to read the Book of Dust.

I totally understand if folks who followed me for other stuff want to jump ship when my WoT coverage starts. I love and can recommend it with some massive content notes and caveats which will be in my intro post for it, but it's not for everyone and treating it like a universal joy is nonsense. But, especially if you can get a library borrow of the first book, whether you get it in print or ebook or either of the incredible audiobook narrations (the full series by Michael Kramer and Kate Reading, or the first three are now available narrated by Rosamund Pike, who plays the character of Moiraine Sedai on the show), I hope you'll give it a try with me, and my analysis and commentary might help pull you into a series that's otherwise quite intimidating.

So, System Collapse will finish posting on Christmas, I think I'll take the last week of the year as a breather, and the Wheel of Time will kick off my 2024. I hope you'll consider sticking around and reading with me, especially my Locked Tomb girlies because I've said it before and I'll say it again, these two stories have SO much in common, hashtag Women's Wrongs and unreliable narrators. And, I am gonna try to break it up every so often since these are LONG books, most of them have 40+ chapters so will be two months apiece. But either way, if I'm gonna follow my heart, it's gotta be next.

[majorbaby]

re: the tv tropes page it is SO bad. full on fanon being included in the character page (not even the ymmv page), like y'all. have your headcanons but please stop forcing them on everyone else

yeah in most cases i’m skeptical that ‘forcing headcanons’ on people is actually a thing that happens because 99% of the time that grievance could be sufficiently addressed if people would only curate their feeds so they see the content they wanna see, but this might be a legitimate example of such a thing. 

it is annoying because tvtropes is a great tool for understanding the technical aspects of storytelling and getting a general overview of a show and how content-making techniques can help deliver messaging (e.g. lighting, sound, sfx, camera angles). i’ve been using it for that purpose for years and i’ve found only recently that i’ve been encountering this problem more and more. 

it’s been a while since i looked at the MASH page because i’ve basically written it off, but if memory serves the character pages were pretty unreliable. it could be that people have are projecting their personal interpretations/feelings on the show (any reading will have some amount of this) but some of the reaches on there are dishonest about the text.

MASH is a show that lacks continuity and is full of gags. it is also a show from another completely different era of television and the world. without some knowledge of that time, your interpretation might be lacking. many episode titles are puns or a play on an existing piece of media from the first half of the 20th century - but you rarely see that addressed nowadays in the fandom because we’re (mostly) a different generation. there’s a difference between saying ‘radar is psychic’ and ‘a running gag on the show is that radar is psychic’ - does that mean MASH has a canonical magical realism aspect to it? no, of course not. but i sure as hell could find a way to make it seem that way to a person who has never seen it just by being a bit creative, telling half-truths and remixing things i know to be true about the show - aka, writing an AU. it’s like that “mash is haunted” post floating around on tumblr - it’s great in the format that it’s in, but on tvtropes, production flubs need to be called what they are - flubs - and not “trapper is haunting the OR” - those are the rules of engagement on TV tropes. 

the rest under a this cut because i talk specifically about one of my most be-loathed myths that the MASH tv tropes page seems to want me to believe: hawkeye the “canonical” CSA/rape survivor 

i say ‘let me leave shipping out of this’ a lot because i do get the sense that if i don’t give non-shippy examples of this happening that it’s valid for people to think i’m projecting a shipping bias onto my argument because a lot of fandom discourse is frankly, about shipping. so here: something I remember really rubbing me the wrong way about the MASH tv tropes page was how much it seemed to insist that Hawkeye was a CSA survivor. 

i am not saying that this is not viable or that it is a bad reading or even that i disagree with it as an interpretation of the source material, but framing it like it’s an undeniable part of his character that other characters acknowledge is just - it’s not there! and if canonical portrayals of survivors are important to you, I don’t see how pretending that Hawkeye is a CSA survivor and trying to convince other people of that before they’ve even watched the show is “good representation”. 

it gives way for all sorts of other misunderstandings of the show, for example, his “loose morals” around sexuality which are first and foremost about his being anti-establishment, that is something which is key to his character and tbh if you subscribe to the HC that hawkeye is a survivor of abuse then his being a scrappy, unconventional male lead who turns his nose up to traditional masculinity only enriches that HC in my opinion. 

[justafleck]

Alrighty clownies, lets have a discussion! We are going to talk about my blog a little bit just in case there is any confusion in terms of interactions with my portrayal. Please take a moment to read.

First and foremost, I do have a carrd that’s got my rules, about and a link to my arcs are located at the bottom of his about page. I also have the links to my arcs on my pinned post on my profile for your convenience.  To be blunt, I can tell if you haven’t read my rules, arcs and my about pages. Although I am very tied to a canon portrayal, I do have important information noted in all three places that explain to you how my Arthur functions whether it’s during the Joker 2019 timeline or after. 

I have also just linked them on this post right here on the first paragraph and I highly suggest you go give them a read if you haven’t already as I will not hesitate to drop threads the second I’m made aware you have not acknowledged any key points to my portrayal. It’s rude and disrespectful: I take the time to read yours, the least you can do is read mine.  After the movies timeline is currently and will remain entirely headcanon based. I am aware that they are making a second ( what i dare call ) movie ( musical...wtf ) : though there is not a single thing I like about the sounds of the future production thus for my blog will have absolutely nothing to do with it. That’s for a tangent another day: the important thing is that you read the information I provide to you so that you know what my portrayal is all about.

Important Notes ( straight from my rules & about page ) : — I will not water down or filter Arthur Fleck as I don’t want to take away from his canon character.

—  Do not try to change Arthur’s canon. The events of the movie are crucial for his character development and unless heavily plotted otherwise ( and I mean HEAVILY plotted ) .

— Do not expect me to or try to sway me to write Arthur as any other variation of Joker. He is Arthur Fleck. If you have any question on what he may or may not do, please ask me. Never assume!

— There will never be a time when I would ever write rape, sexual assault, dubcon, incest, racism or pedophilia on this blog. If you write these things, see yourself to the door.

—  Arthur will never be abusive.

—  Arthur's personality will never be watered down, filtered or altered for a ship. He continue to still have suicidal tendencies, thoughts and actions. Being in a relationship will not magically cure Arthur of his mental illnesses.

I would like to elaborate a bit about my portrayal of Joker. While there are many variations of Joker: I write Arthur Fleck and Arthur Fleck only.  He is no where near like the other Jokers. He is mentally ill, but everything he does is with a great purpose. He doesn’t kill ‘for funsies’. 

There are no mass murders, massive explosions, bank heists or any of that off the wall stuff. He does not have ‘goons’ : he does have followers that he may rarely use to his advantage but he prefers to work solo.  There is also no vats of acid: we literally saw the build up to him becoming Joker in the movie. There will also never be any of that clique abusive Harley & Joker content on this blog either: he treats ALL of his partners with respect and dignity. His kill count by the time he is put into Arkham Asylum at the end of the movie is 6 people. His victims are the three wallstreet guys, his mother Penny Fleck, Murray Franklin and the first therapist he’s assigned in Arkham Asylum. I headcanon in his Asylum arc that during his first escape from Arkham asylum, he killed people to get out of the  Asylum. Though I did not specify the amount in the arc, I’d say it was most likely anywhere between 8-10 maximum. The only reason this happened is one: to ensure his freedom and two: he is heavily influenced by Jonathan Crane’s fear toxins. He is not in his regular mind. After his escape, he does continue to kill those who betray, hurt or slander him. In his P U N C H L I N E ! arc, he does kill the owner of a night club ( a truly horrible man : it’s all written out in plain text in the arc  ) and takes over the club.  He doesn’t murder people he deems innocent or people who have generally have nothing to do with him in any capacity nor does he go around popping heads on the streets just because he’s got a gun in his hand. This isn’t grand theft auto. At this point, we can lose track of his kill count but please do not assume that he’s just going around blasting everything that moves like he’s playing call of duty. That is just not how my Arthur works. 

I’d much appreciate it if you need clarification: please, come and ask me if you’re unsure because the quickest way to peeve me is by assuming things that Arthur would simply never do.

[ellrond]

0 for elrond babes <3

2, 5-8 answered here!

What would their social media page/activity be like? Non-existent for the most part, I think. He might have a twitter where he posts and RTs about social issues but that's about it. He uses Youtube only for ambience playlists too

3. My thoughts on their design/aesthetic? Hugo Weaving was my only Elrond for so long, and so I got accustomed to just thinking about him along those lines. It matches what is in lotro, too, and I love the 'in the box' thinking for him. Then Rob Aramayo came along.............and I'm in love. However, I'd love to see him in more PJ-esque costumes because I'm basic. 'Outside the box' designs are something I love too, and I love seeing interpretations of his design that go outside of the 'traditional Medieval England-inspired' sphere in terms of costumes. As for his face/skin tone/build, every interpretation is so wonderful to see. Basically the more content there is, the more varied it is, the better!

4. Physical headcanons? He sleeps much more than elves but less than humans - perhaps a few hours every night, 3-4 maybe - and always with his eyes closed. Where elves are more comfortable with stillness, he has more human habits sometimes - the tapping of a foot, running his finger and thumb together idly, picking the skin around his nails. When he was younger, he was also conscious of not taking up too much space, coming from when he was kidnapped and he wanted to remain as small and inconspicuous as he could. Over many years, he unlearned that behaviour, but it remains an impulse.

5. Social headcanons? He seeks out the company of those who give him peace, those who have similar outlooks on life. There is a time and place for debates on ethics and economics and politics and science and part of his role in societies is to engage in those, but in time that is his own, he just wants easy peace. Someone like Galadriel, who also feels the same, is a relief to be around, as often there is no conflict, only quiet company. In ages when there are so many different paths, he longs for the company of those who choose to take the same as him.

6. Psychological heacanons? He's incredibly good at controlling his anger. In his formative years he was around people who let anger drive them and he knew from an even younger age how destructive that could be. From birth he was taught how to be mild and considered, and it is not in his nature to become angry easily. When anger is roused in him he can control it and he finds ways to release the pressure in safe and harmless ways. Even in battle, he keeps his anger in check so that he can remain level-headed and in control. Anger is most often mixed with grief for him, and so on the rare occasions he has been overwhelmed, it has shown itself as defeated agony more than violent anger (when Gil and Elendil were killed, when he saw what happened to Celebrian, for example).

7. YOU made me ship Celebrimbor/Elrond in Rings of Power thanks to my favourite fic of all time To Partake written by RUNAWAYMUN. Celrond reigns supreme in my heart, though.

9. Headcanons about their past? Gil Galad and Cirdan learned through their spy network that Maedhros and Maglor held Elrond and Elros, and tried to negotiate for their release but were refused. If they had found out that others hadn't given up on them, Elros would have tried even harder to escape, but Elrond doesn't know if he would have tried. He grew to love Maglor especially, where Elros held the Feanorians in nothing but contempt until the day he died.

10. Content about them I'd like to see more of? Erotic art. I'm not kidding. I want to see his thick uncut dick way more than I currently do. Are you kidding me. Jesus. Let me have pornographic art of Elrond.

[quickdeaths]

💋 Is there anything you never get tired of? Something that'd always lift your mood?

🛒 What's on the list? Any plots or ideas? Something you wanna write?

🧸 What's a nice, familiar part of your dash? Blog?

Also I hope you feel better soon, my dear! ❤️

💋 Is there anything you never get tired of? Something that'd always lift your mood?

Already answered but since you didn't say "no yuri" or "no girlkissing," THAT! I have talked at length (and will likely talk again, and if you get me going I will talk about it forever) about how fandom is generally very centered on the experiences of male characters, and as someone who just isn't that interested in male characters most of the time, it sort of puts me on the outskirts of some fandoms and groups. These days, most of the fandoms I enjoy interacting with in my daily life are things like Utena, GWitch, exactly one half of Alien Stage, and tons of smaller communities that fit a similar profile (female character focused, often with some amount of f/f-centric content, arguably on the smaller side as far as fandoms go).

Tumblr is a big mix of things, though, and obviously the tiny fandoms don't get much representation here, which is fine - I obviously like things like Danganronpa and Persona and the like, and enjoy writing in those canons. That said, what always makes me happy to see on my dash is other people writing f/f ships hahaha. It's pretty rare to see, in my experience, but trust me, when it happens I am always nodding in extreme approval.

🛒 What's on the list? Any plots or ideas? Something you wanna write?

Also already answered!

🧸 What's a nice, familiar part of your dash? Blog?

For my blog, it's actually very zen for me to work on my pages - character pages, verse pages, even updating rules or whatever. I know a lot of people are dash-only these days, but I still like the feel of a blog, and my girlfriend made my theme for me years and years ago so I really enjoy sort of just hanging out on the pages and plugging away at whatever things I have to update. It's obviously solitary, but I like that sometimes as a little break from the dash, just working on my blog on my own things.

As for my dash, it's the people that have been around for a long while, whether that's longtime partners and friends, meme blogs that I've followed forever who are still making things, things like that. Things are always moving on tumblr rp, even in small corners like this, with people leaving or starting up, switching blogs, remaking, tumblr breaking and features being taken away or added. I've been on tumblr in some capacity for like, sheesh, 12 years? 13? and this blog for maybe 6-7 years? I don't even know at this point. I like the change and I like the ebb and flow to a point - that's why I'm still here and not writing elsewhere. Still, there's something pleasantly familiar about the things that haven't changed too much, too.