#my second favourite thing to do is call people homophobic

[temis-de-leon]

Replaced MC AU/AU - Part 3

Characters: demon brothers, Diavolo, Barbatos, male! MC and crushing! male! NES (MC x NES)

How’s it gonna be , Intro – Part 0 , Part 1 , Part 2

Masterlist

CW: Solomon is mentioned, jealous and mean brothers, black cat x golden retriever behavior i think, one single kiss, a bit ambiguous at the end, not very angsty really, NES x MC centered

A/N: my favourite version of NES and MC by far, I enjoyed writing this a lot. However, my pc came out as homophobic and decided not to connect to any WiFi for this chapter, so I won't be able to update the links nor the masterlist until next week. Also, some people aren't properly tagged once again because I can't find their blogs for some reason?? So so sorry for that, but I don't know what to do about it.

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NES was… someone they didn't expect. Unknowingly infuriating, always distracted and too unbothered to care about any of his surroundings. He was a disaster that enjoyed living in disaster and, if they weren't threatened by his presence, Satan and Belphegor would love his insolence.

Barbatos remembered an occasion, one moment from the second week of NES's attendance at RAD, where Lucifer gave him an earful for his ‘impropriety and insulting attitude towards the uniform’. Mammon had been there too, shirt out of his pants and jacket nowhere near closed, backing his brother up.

NES’s pristine appearance lasted only two periods before MC saw him chocking under his tie and laughed at him in sympathy. After that, he'd only wear the uniform ‘the Lucifer way’ if MC was there to eventually mess up the outfit.

And how could the eldest brother object to that?

“They need to loosen up, Lucifer”

MC always had the last word.

Solomon found the situation hilarious. Witnessing the brothers competing against each other in search of MC's attention was one thing, but adding NES to the equation? Yes, Barbatos had to somewhat agree. It was funny.

Who had been cooking for hours in the kitchen if not NES trying to make a quick snack for his fellow human? And who was the first one to leave the House of Lamentation each morning, already waiting next to MC’s seat by the time everyone else arrived?

Mammon called him a simp. Asmo liked to call them both the kettle and the pot.

And while, yes, Lucifer was the one and only Avatar of Pride, none of the brothers were able to admit just how big of a deal NES was becoming.

When would it be too late?

.

.

The Demon Prince's birthday arrived and the mandatory celebration was as grandiose as one could expect. Everything was bright and full of laughter, the streets cramped with food stalls, demons and witches alike throwing mesmerizing magic tricks for the children, acrobats, costumes, music…

At one point MC considered handcuffing himself to NES. Even Luke was easier to manage!

Fortunately, Beel ended up finding him playing darts with a succubus and her partners. Unfortunately, MC seemed to be the only one who wanted to check if he was okay.

It was becoming… draining.

Not NES, of course. Sure, he was a handful, but none of his mistakes were intentional. Everything he did came from naiveness and ignorance, being new to the Devildom, and what he lacked in common sense he made up in enthusiasm.

At least he didn't steal his valuables and he’d never threatened to kill him or eat his heart, something MC still thought about frequently. The worst thing NES ever did to him was throw them both to the ground when he tried to slide on the floor at full speed. And he still apologized for that from time to time.

Did the brothers ever apologize for all the things they did or said? The way they used to look at him? He couldn't remember.

Now they were doing the exact same thing to NES. Treating him like an unwanted guest instead of the roommate they insisted on having, turning down every single one of his ideas, including the good ones, and very passively threatening him in a condescending tone, as if they could impress MC with that.

Maybe it was a demon thing? Or rather regular jealousy brought to a dangerous level?

Whatever the reason, MC didn't waste any time sitting them in the living room and chewing the hell out of them, something that enraged Lucifer and put a strain in their relationship, still making it difficult to make small talk, but of course none of them would back down. The rest of the brothers weren't so obvious showing their annoyance, but it was still there.

The good thing was that, as long as MC was there, NES wouldn't be the receiving end of any bullshit. The bad thing was that MC didn't know what was going on behind his back. And NES, bless his soul, was never willing to tell him if any of them made him uncomfortable.

It was draining and NES gave him a sense of peace, but the brothers missed him and they wanted to monopolize his time, but MC wanted to spend time with his new friend and that made the brothers angry and jealous, which made MC anxious, which made NES worry.

Every factor made the situation worse. The brothers were too much, NES was too good for the Devildom and MC was too done with everything.

However, the time passed surprisingly fast as they sang Happy Birthday to Diavolo, eating in the midst of it all, dancing with each other and talking like they used to do before the ridiculous ordeal, albeit with a subtle tension that limited their topics of conversation.

They even ignored NES! Which was better than any other option!

So, once the voices toned down and the guests divided themselves into small groups, MC forced himself to whisk Diavolo away for a moment and have a serious talk, Barbatos following close and listening with a curious glance.

That proved to be nothing but a waste of time.

“It's too soon to take conclusions, MC. I'm sure the brothers just need time. After all, remember your first year here!”

He did remember. That's why he was so worried.

And why did Diavolo talk to him like that? He was 100% sure Lucifer insulted NES to no end anytime he had more than one horn of Demonus. What did they call NES in the privacy of their office? What did they think while they talked to him and faked respect? What were they plotting when they looked MC in the eyes and promised him they wouldn't threaten NES anymore?

Too many lies.

“Alo?”

But then… NES smiled so easily… Like none of that bothered him. Luckily, MC didn't mind caring in his behalf. He wondered if being able to save someone from the fate he had last year was the root of all his actions.

“You look so worried, you're gonna get all wrinkly! Not like you'd look bad, but if you're going to have wrinkles, won't you rather have them in your eyes? Like, from smiling too much, you know?”

He did smile then, imitating NES’s caring expression.

“There you are, handsome! You're gonna be the envy of all in 90 years!”

“Do you really think I'm going to live that much?”

“God, I hope so”

They laughed softly, but it still sounded too loud. MC looked out for the brothers, checking their positions in the ballroom before grabbing NES’s hand and dragging him to one of the balconies. He preferred not having the moment tarnished.

“Good idea! Too hot in there…"

“Don't lie to me”

“Wha…?”

MC stared at him quite sternly, although trying not to look to much like Lucifer, but he needed an answer.

“Do they still bother you? Do they threaten you? Do they ignore you? What do they do?”

“Whoa, whoa, MC. Here comes the frown again…”

He raised his hands, caressing MC’s frown until it softened. His touch was warm and soft and it made MC lean towards him, not wanting it to end. When he opened his eyes again, unknowingly closing them before, NES stayed in that position.

There was silence for a few seconds, interrupted only by the violins, the harps, the pianos and other instruments serenading them under the moonlight. NES could only stare at MC’s lips for a fragment of a second before someone grabbed the scruff of their necks with poorly hidden aggressiveness and brought them back to the ballroom.

MC raised his gaze in fury, bending down to help NES get up again. He expected to see red eyes and black feathers, but, to his surprise, what stared back at him were purple eyes and a long bovine tail.

He wanted to scream at him, to ask what the actual fuck was wrong with him. Would he had acted the same if it was one of his brothers instead of NES? Would he had such hate in his eyes?

But people were staring, very obviously amused at the sight of two humans being put back in place.

MC would have to wait.

.

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“NES! What happened?!”

MC watched as the boy waved at him, hanging upside down where Mammon usually spent countless hours. His arms were tied behind his back and the rope covered his body in a way that surely left no room for the blood to circulate properly. His head already looked dangerously red and MC knew he couldn't leave him there for too long unless he wanted him to have permanent damage.

“I think I failed my last test, but I don't really remember”

“What do you mean you don't remember?”

“Well, I'm very dizzy right now, but I'm sure it's okay. Lucifer will get me out of here soon enough”

Or he won't.

MC sighed, cursing in silence before studying the thick ropes and the tight knots. He knew he wouldn't be able to untie him by hand and he wouldn't be surprised if the kitchen suddenly lacked knives, no doubt the result of Lucifer's pettiness and sadism.

“Wait for me here, okay? I have to get something to cut the ropes…”

“Wait, wait! MC!”

He turned around, patiently staring at his loopy smile and cloudy eyes. He couldn't wait for too long, but maybe he could indulge a couple of minutes.

“What?”

NES briefly looked away, his embarrassment gaining MC’s attention. Now that was a rare sight.

“Have you seen Spiderman?”

His heart stopped for a second and he felt his cheeks getting hot. His hand, previously grasping his hip, fell to his side and made him lose balance.

“You can say no, of course. We can forget about this and I won't get offended. A little sad maybe, but I can manage. I like you too much to stop liking you for a kiss. Does that sound weird? You get me, right?”

His rambling gave MC the opportunity to go down a couple of steps in the staircase and align his face in front of NES’s. The position was weird and staring at his chin was an experience he didn't know he would get the chance to live, but he didn't care.

It wasn't until he finally kissed him mid-sentence that he noticed a figure peeking around the corner, eyes staring without blinking and jealousy ready to made itself known.

Accepting the challenge, MC closed his eyes and grasped NES’s hair, pulling him closer and deepening the kiss.

Dinner that night would be fucking awkward.

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Taglist: : @stfuchaase @k1-an @meggs-wonderland @kkeromenoo @va109 @marvelous-maniac @cruzerforce4256 @blarsh @marathedemonoverlord @junni-berry @arylleb @b-a-m-2006 @jonielunar @piercedddriver @cosmidaydreaming @bluegrey02 @anxious-chick

[jamiedc-they-them]

Being Joel's Surviving Child and an Older Sibling to Ellie Part II

Link to Part I

CW: Normal last of us violence, swearing. Mentions of suicidal thoughts. Bunch of angst. Also, a long one!

So, five years. A lot of can happen in five years.

You’ve almost, almost, gone back to how you used to be. Normal. A citizen rather than a survivor.

You’re more relaxed.

It’s not constant, twenty years of surviving isn’t something you just forget and move on from in an instant.

Your family understands that.

Tommy takes you out on hunts sometimes. It’s a good bonding experience with your uncle.

He has your help with organising patrols. These are the main times you see Ellie. Other than teaching her how to shoot.

It’s nice seeing your sister, though she is more distant.

You just put it up to age. She’s growing and changing, becoming more independent, so she distances herself more because of that.

You and Sarah had sort of done that before…everything.

In a way, you’re envious.

Still though, you just keep going on.

You help out with the town.

Joel checks in every so often. But after a certain period, you can’t quite remember how long into those five years it is, he does it almost all the time.

He acts differently. Softer. 

“Something wrong?” you ask.

“I’m alright, kiddo. Just…feeling my age is all. Do you, uh, do you wanna come over later? Found that sequel. Curtis and Viper 2. ”

“No way?! Hell yeah, I’ll be there.”

“Alright, kiddo. Sounds like a plan.”

You notice Ellie’s absence. You don’t question it, though. Her and Dina have been talking lately. From the brief interaction you had with the girl, she was sweet. She was kind to Ellie, as was Jessie. You liked that they had a little group.

When you next see Ellie before a patrol, you talk to her.

“Didn’t see you at Dad’s last night.”

She turns to you, but you can tell she’s more tense now, “Oh, shit. Yeah, sorry. I was out with Dina and Jessie,” she does sound genuinely apologetic. You miss the mistrust in her eyes. It flickers only for as second, but you still miss it.

“It’s cool,” you say, waving it off, “just be careful, yeah?” 

“Always am,” she assures, putting her pack on her horse and mounting up, letting you take them outside the stables, “besides, with your training, how could I go wrong?” 

“Exactly,” she chuckles at your response, “Just…talk to each other, yeah? Whatever it is.”

She sighs. She wishes it was that simple, but she tells you she will.

She loves you, but doesn’t like you meddling sometimes. Joel too.

Sometimes, you’ll take her on a run. Or one of her friends.

It’s through this, you get the idea that someone has a crush. Dina asks you things about Ellie; favourite food and what not.

You don’t always have the answers, but you do have an idea of what is going on.

You don’t pressure Dina or her on it. Though you do ask one about the other every now and then to try to gauge it and push them to admit their feelings.

You were never into the whole love thing, so this is not your field. But they are adorable, the pair. Jessie is a good friend. Loyal. He opens up a bit more to you. He’s funny, too. Casual. Good person.

Brings out your lighter side.

Seth isn’t an awful guy, but is a homophobe. 

Ellie seems to have a six sense with you, despite the distance she’s caused, and always finds you before anything bad happens.

Her own blood boils when he calls you a “queer” in an insulting way. But she always drags you back, keeping herself between you and him. Her eyes on you as she forces you not to make a scene.

This happens with a few other troubling people in the town.

She also gives you a place to crash when you want to, or are drunk. You do that a bit. Trying to tame the loudness in your head.

It worries her, but she’s gentle. If you ever wake up from a nightmare and are around her’s, she wakes you up. 

“It’s ok, Y/N. It’s ok. It was just a dream. I’m here. I’m here,” she puts a hand to your cheek, “I’ve got you.”

Sometimes she’ll stay with you. Sometimes you both stay up together. Sometimes she sits with you until you drift off, looking at your gentle form, before going to bed, wishing she could stop whatever is plaguing you.

You’re her sibling, older sure, but she loves you.

Sadly, she never gets a chance to ask you, as she soon is plagued by similar nightmares. 

A golf club kills your father, and she had no choice but to watch.

Dina arrives before you, Jessie being the one who fetched you when Joel didn’t come back.

Dina gets Ellie up and out, but Jessie sees you frozen, just staring at your father. Or what’s left of him.

He sees your fist start leaking blood. You don’t notice. Your eyes are glassy, but no tears fall.

You’ve shut down.

You don’t even register him leading you away. Mentally, you’re still there.

Maria visits you.

“Oh, sweetheart,” she says, sitting next to you on your bed, “C’mere.”

She tries to hug you, but you lean away. 

You stand up, arms crossed, facing away from her.

“What’s that?” she prompts, not hearing what you said just then.

“It should’ve been me,” you say, a bit louder.

“Y/N. No. No, it, no it shouldn’t of been.”

“He’s dead.”

“I know…” 

“He’s dead…”

“I’m so sorry, Y/N.”

She goes to hug you, or try and help, but you scream, back away, and then run from your room and out of your house, tears be damned.

Dina hears you sprinting, just seeing you as you trip over trying to get into the cemetery.

“Shit,” she says, going to help you up, “hey, Y/N. Hey!” she’s gentle, but you flinch at her loudness, “Look at me,” you do, eyes frantic. She hates her friend in pain like this, “I have you. I -”

“I need him,” her heart breaks. You sound like a scared child - she doesn’t blame you, this is a horrible situation - and not the late thirties person that you are.

You sob, putting your head in your hands as you just break completely.

You then fall back in the snow.

“Sarah would’ve been able to control herself. She would’ve stopped this.”

“Y/N,” Dina crouches near you, ignoring the cold, “you aren’t expected to just control this. There’s no precedent for this.”

“Sarah was. Henry and Sam were. Tess was.”

“They weren’t your fault.”

“Then whose were they?” 

She doesn’t have time to answer you, as Ellie clears her throat.

Ellie moves to you, her too crouching down, “I’m so sorry,” she says, voice raw, “I’m so fucking sorry, Y/N.”

Despite what Dina just tried to get you to understand for yourself, you impart it to Ellie, “It’s not your fault, El. It’s not your fault.”

Dina hates what this has done to you both. Broken you both. Her girlfriend and friend who looked out for her.

You both go to Joel’s house, and she waits outside for you both.

“Can…can you…” Ellie can’t finish her words.

Wordlessly, you nod, opening the door and going inside. 

You’re both slow, looking around.

You even find the copy of Curtis and Viper 2, you let out a choked laugh at it.

Ellie takes the revolver, but hands you the watch.

“I think…I think he’d want you to have this.”

 You take it, and put it on your arm. It fits you just as well as it fit him.

You look at your little sister. He’s gone, so you have to step up.

You go where she goes. That’s your job: you protect, you guide, you support.

Maria isn’t happy with Tommy going, and tells you guys to go get him.

Before you leave, Maria stops you.

“Please make sure you come back too, Y/N, ok?” 

You nod, “you can count on it.”

She doesn’t think she’s ever been more scared of you. The flicker in your eye. The crazed look of someone on the edge of breaking completely, and with one more promise on the line.

It’s the look of someone who will do all they can for that promise. No matter the cost.

As said before, she’d heard the stories of what you and Joel did to survive, how you were so young and lost your soul in the name of survival and control.

The last five years had seen you return to normal. 

That had now been taken.

So, off you go to Seattle. 

You tell them all the memories of this place you can remember. From small trips and what not. Dina paints a picture of Sarah in her mind as you describe your actions with your twin. 

Randomly, small facts come back to you about the place. They’re always impressed by your vast knowledge (you doubt a lot of it is true, but there are one or two you know are facts).

Then you’re brought back to how the world is with them asking you how old you were in your first kill.

The age gap between you and them is shown, as you try to water it down. You tell yourself it’s to protect them, but really it’s just to protect yourself.

“We’re old enough to know, Y/N,” your sister says, “or are you forgetting about David?” 

The words sting. Ellie regrets them. You just ride on ahead.

“Who’s David?” Dina asks.

“An arsehole. He’s dead now.”

“Did he do something to you?” 

“Tried to. But he also made he break a promise I made to Y/N.”

“And what’s that?” 

“Doesn’t matter now.”

Dina nods, respecting the boundary. It makes her miss her sister more, having inside secrets that friends wouldn’t know.

When it comes to climbing, Ellie goes, joking about your age and your back. It brings her back to simpler times.

“Did I do something to make her upset?” you ask Dina as you wait for Ellie to open the gate.

“Oh. No, I don’t think so. She didn’t say anything to me about something like that. Why?” 

“Just…I don’t know.”

“You’re not gonna lose her, Y/N,” she assures.

“I thought I wouldn’t lose my dad, either,” it’s a cheap shot, and she knows it’s not being fired at her, but she still flinches at it, “sorry,” you say.

She nods, “it’s ok,” though there is hurt in her voice.

Ellie shows you the map, handing it to you every now and then to double check where you’ve been and haven’t been. Sure, things are marked on and off, but she doubts herself a bit. 

Dina moves past the awkwardness between you both, listening as you and Ellie swap stories about Joel.

Dina is happy to hear them, at least you both aren’t completely drowning, you’re keeping each other afloat, and she’s glad to be of assistance in that. 

Dina opens up to you both about being Jewish. You always liked the idea of a god, but never believed yourself. Especially not after the apocalypse, but the hope it gave her was something you understood.

Ellie was that hope for you. If she was alive, and happy, you were happy. 

If what was left of your family was ok, you were ok.

That was why you had to make this right. Make it mean something.

When it comes to combat, you take the lead. Giving them orders. It makes it seem more controllable that way.

Most times, it goes wrong, with you having to adapt, but the feeling it gives you before that keeps you going.

Ellie and you are a deadly duo, Dina notes. Able to read each other’s minds and actions. You seem to forget Dina is there for a moment, your soul focus being on your sister. 

One time, with you all being pinned down, you shot someone who was going to sneak up on Ellie, only for Dina to take a hit.

You helped patch up her wound, but avoided her eyes.

She doesn’t want to hold it against you. You’re her friend, and Ellie’s sibling. You’ve been good to her on runs. You were honest with her about things. While she knows she’d be like this had her sister still be alive, but it does scare her what it can do. 

Yes, she’s following you because she cares about you both, but she’s also scared for you both. What you’ll do. How you’ll do it. What you’ll lose in the process.

Ellie is taken, and you don’t talk the entire way to rescue her. Dina follows, and sees how good at tracking you actually are. 

Dina is shot through the roof, and one bullet catches you. You lay on the roof.

Ellie shouts up to you, telling you to “find another way to get this fuckers!” 

You hesitate, and she seems to tell, “Go!” She yells, “trust me!” 

You do, but you can’t find another way in. Your heart hammers, hearing only the chaos inside.

They’re out of your sight. What if they get hurt? What if they die? You lose more of your family?

You reunite outside, and you check them numerous times for injuries. 

“We’re fine. We’re fine, Y/N. Look, look! No wounds,” she shows you. You just pull them both in for a hug. 

Ellie remembers Joel doing that at the hospital…though she doesn’t push away this time, not wanting to raise suspicion or confront you on it just yet. She doesn’t want to lose you too.

You find more images, and one of the people from the photos is dead. 

Dina looks to you, “What the fuck have we gotten involved in?” 

“I don’t know,” you say, honestly, “but we just need Abby.”

“Y/N, this is insane. What if they already got her?”

“They wouldn’t have,” Ellie says.

“How do you know?” Dina challenges.

“Gut feeling.”

Dina looks to you.

“Let’s go,” is all you say.

Ellie’s secret comes out about the immunity, and you all barely escape with your lives intact and make it to the theatre. 

Dina reveals she may be pregnant and Ellie snaps. You don’t follow her, instead, you sit with Dina. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” she says.

“I get it,” you say, “it’s scary. Especially in a world like this.”

“Do you think it would be ok? Even after all this?”

“It will.”

“You can’t promise that Y/N,” she hopes you’re right, but is being more real about it.

“I can. I can,” you say, nodding, but you look away right after.

She nods once, before laying down. 

You find yourself falling asleep on the floor. You dream about Sarah.

Ellie remembers the birthday gift you and Joel gave her. That was a good day. A day of your bonds being the strongest.

You have a memory of a time when she fixed something, some dickhead bully. He never bothered you again.

You wish that either she was here instead of you, or you could do what she could.

Ellie wakes you up, nervously asking if you can come with her.

“We’ll make sure Dina is safe. I just…can we go together, Y/N? Please?”

You nod, leaving with her. Dina just asks you both to be careful.

It’s quiet, at the start as you both set off on your journey to find Tommy.

“Did I do something?” You ask as you search a store.

“What?” 

“Did I do something?” 

“No,” she says, not completely lying. 

“Is there a reason you and dad weren’t talking as much? Was it the party?”

“Mostly.”

“‘Mostly’?”

“It’s complicated,” it both is and isn’t true.

“You can talk to me, you know?” 

She wants to more than anything, but that would be - potentially - driving away the one piece of this family she has left that has been with her through so much.

“I will, ok? Just, give me time?” 

You want to press her on it, it sounds bad. Especially if it drove your sister and father apart. But, to keep her happy enough, you find yourself saying the one thing that can do that:

“Ok.” 

Ellie and you find the archery statue. She holds it up and turns to you.

“People cared about this stuff?” 

“Sure, sometimes.”

“You think this thing was worth a lot?”

You chuckle, “not money-wise, no. Thing was probably cheap as anything. But, sentimentally? Yeah, definitely.”

“Why’s that?”

“Made people feel valued. Wanted. Like they actually accomplished something.”

“This little thing did that?”

“A lot of things can do that.”

She nods, but can understand what you really mean. It’s why you’re here after all.

It makes her feel valued. Less alone. 

She does have to admit, seeing you not drowning or shutting down in your grief as you had before was a genuine relief to her.

But, she does know you. She’s known you for like six years at this point.

She can see it’s getting to you. 

You look at the blood on your knuckles more. You check in with her more. Making sure she is ok.

She tries to with you, but you just turn it around on her.

With Jessie, you drive. She rides shotgun, and Jessie sits in the middle. You almost die, but you’re just thankful Ellie learnt how to swim.

Dina and Jessie reunite. You see Ellie walk off, you watch the friends and exes reunite.

“Look, Jessie, I -“

“It’s cool, Y/N. Really. I’m not angry.”

“You’re not?” You did sort of go into this whole thing thinking he would. Though, maybe that was just because of the shows Sarah made you watch when younger.

He chuckles, “Yeah, all good. I mean, it’s a lot. But, Dina and Ellie are my friends. I want them to be happy. Their problems, are my problems.”

“That’s a sweet way to live, kid.”

“You’re my friend too, you know.”

“I’m older.”

“So?”

“I take on more problems for everyone. It’s my job.”

“That’s not healthy,” where’d he read that?

“We ain’t in a healthy world.”

Ellie has a mostly good memory of you, the strings incident. Well, good with you anyway, though at that point you had started to catch onto something being wrong. Still, you like that your dad is trying now with the comics. He and you had even had some discussions.

With the Bloater, you just held Ellie in your arms as Joel took it down.

With the couple and the lie you’ve both spun to her, you’re silent while Joel doubles down on it. She’s catching on, and you don’t like that.

Reminders of the lie you told her about being there.

Whenever you remember a birthday, you ignore that bit. You just remember the dinosaur.

With the strings, you focus on the bloater part and the comics.

With the sewers, it’s you who goes out the window. She doesn’t even think before jumping in to try to find you.

You drag her out of the water.

“What were you thinking?!” 

“Me?! What the fuck were you thinking?!” 

“I had to protect you, El!”

“You scared me! I thought you were dead, you arsehole!” 

She hits you in the shoulder, and then you both take pause. 

You’re both disturbed by the Seraphites.

“You think we should have a code like that?” She asks you as you make your way through a building.

“Would be useful,” you admit, “maybe you learning to whistle weren’t for nothing.”

She gives a humoured scoff. But she’s glad you can still have these moments.

She’s glad she hasn’t lost you. She just hates that internally she adds a ‘yet’ to that.

Before the camp, however, she turns to you, “I need to do this on my own.” 

“What?” 

“Look, there could to spores in there. And I don’t want you getting infected.”

“The fuck are you talking about, Ellie? We stick together.”

“Do you trust me?” 

It seems like you hesitate, but really she sees you weighing up the options in your head.

You nod.

“Hey,” she grabs your hand with hers, “I’m coming back, ok? With that bitches head. I promise,” she squeezes your hand.

You look one more time to the camp, then back to your sister. 

“I don’t like this.”

“I’ve got this,” she says. Your eyes soften at her echoing words.

You nod a tiny bit. You know she does.

You make your way back to the theatre.

“Y/N…” Dina says when she sees you, “Oh. Oh, god, is Ellie…” 

“No,” you say, instantly, “No. She’s fine. Just thought she should go alone. Spores and whatnot. Don’t exactly have my mask.”

“You sure it’s a good idea to leave her on her own?” Jessie asks. He means well, but he is also their age.

“She’s got this,” you assure her friends, “she’s tougher than you think.”

“I know that,” he says, “it’s just…with her state of mind.”

“I’m worried about her too. But, I’d be no use to her dead.”

“To any of us, Y/N,” you smile a little at Dina’s words. 

“So, what do we do?” Jessie asks.

“We wait for her to come back. I’ll, uh, give you two some space to talk about the whole…kid, thing.” You clear your throat, doing that.

Ellie returns when you’re asleep. Jessie wakes you up.

“Where is she?” 

“With Dina,” you get up, and Jessie knows what your plan is, “I think we should just leave them for tonight. Dina’s got her.”

“I could help.”

“I’m not saying you can’t,” despite the almost twenty year gap between you both, he seems to be the more mature one at times, “but you don’t need to smother her.”

Your eyes look dangerous when you look at him, “I ain’t.”

“I’d follow you, Joel, Ellie, or Dina anywhere, Y/N. But, Y/N, there’s gotta be a line where you walk away.”

“Not with her. Not with this.”

“I know Joel was a good man; he was a good father to you both. But, look, Dina’s pregnant. We aren’t exactly going to find her help out here, are we? And I know, you wanna help Ellie; but…she’ll listen to you.”

You go to check on your sister, she shivers, her wounds making you sick. 

You sit next to her, and move the cover she has over her a bit more. She flinches a bit. You mule over Jessie’s words.

You go with them, giving Dina a bottle of water, and leaving too.

However, you then see how high the water is out there. And you see Ellie’s plan to steal the boat.

Jessie starts to back away. Ellie then looks to you

“Not you too,” she says. Damn it, she knows you too well.

“El -”

“Don’t do that. Please don’t fucking do that.”

“I just think –”

“I didn’t think you’d leave me too.

“I’m not –”

Guys,” Jessie tries to interject, noticing your voices going up a notch in volume. You hold your hand up to silence him, then gesture with your hand to lower the volume. Even in her pissed off state, she agrees to that.

“I thought you’d have my back on this,” she says, quieter.

“I have your back. Really, I do. But I’m gonna have to pull rank on this and –”

“‘Rank’?” 

“I’m the older sibling. I have to look out for you.”

“Then do that by coming with me on that fucking boat. If we fall in, we can both make it back to the boat. I need you to trust me.”

“And I need you to listen to me.”

“They killed, Joel. What if it was me?”

“That’s not fair.”

“If it was you, you would want us to try, at least.”

“I wouldn’t know, would I?” you take a breath, “we should just go home. Ok?” 

“You go, then. I’ll see you there later,” you open your mouth to argue, but she beats you to it, “fuck off then, coward.”

The words sting. You want to say more, to try and get her to see the way things are going. But you realise, maybe too late, that you can’t stop her. You can’t control her.

Jessie says what is on your mind:

“I really hope you make it.”

He respects your silence on the way back to the theatre.

You don’t explain to Dina, you just go to your own little space.

“Are they ok?” Dina asks Jessie.

“Ellie and them had a fight.”

“Oh…” she says, looking to the stairs, “should we go check on them?”

“No. No, I think they need some time alone, you know? I don’t think they’ve really had time to unpack everything.”

“None of us have,” it had only been a few days after all.

“That’s true. But, he was Y/N’s dad.”

“You know, at first, I thought Y/N was Ellie’s dad.”

“Yeah?” Dina chuckles a bit.

“Yeah. I mean, you seen how protective they both are…were, over her?” 

“Y/N still is.”

“Yeah…” Jessie looks to the stairs too, “that’s what scares me.”

Jessie leaves on a quick patrol of the area and finds Tommy. He brings him back.

You come down and see your Uncle in the first time in what seems like forever.

“Hey, kid,” he says to you.

He doesn’t get a warm welcome, instead, he gets shoved. Then slapped.

“You left, your goddamn wife! She’s worried sick about you, Tommy!”

“I know, I know,” he says, but you don’t stop there.

“You could’ve died, and we wouldn’t of known. You fucking idiot!” 

The younger two have never heard you so loud. Not even when fighting Seth.

“I KNOW!” Tommy roars, “They killed my brother! I had to try, Y/N! I had to do something.”

“And how’d that fucking go?” you sneer.

“I saw her,” he says, “I saw the bitch that killed her.”

“Yeah? Where’s her head?”

Tommy looks almost ashamed, looking at the ground as he answers you, “she had a kid with her. They beat me. Almost drowned.”

“Yeah, well, you didn’t. I’m glad you didn’t, Uncle Tommy.”

He nods, “Me too, kid.”

It’s then, you hug him.

Time goes on a bit longer before Tommy and him decide to leave to find Ellie. They hear on the radio about the Aquarium. 

Dina is the one who asks you to stay, “please. I don’t want to be alone. I’m scared.” 

You tell the other two to go and stay with Dina.

You keep her drinking water. Try and keep her as well as you can.

She falls asleep, and you try your best to get her to bed ok, though she does stir awake at one point. But, only slightly, she falls back to sleep pretty easily. You get her in bed, trying to get her comfortable.

You don’t exactly envy her situation, especially given how hard it would’ve been in the old world. This new one just added more challenges. 

Still, you wanted to help. Just how was the question?

You hear the door close and cautiously see who it is.

It’s your friends.

You see Ellie, eyes distant and scared.

“Hey. Hey, what happened?” you ask, moving on from the words exchanged earlier.

You look to Tommy, he shakes his head: not now.

“Do you wanna go see Dina?” she nods, “Ok, kiddo. Ok. I’ll take you to her.”

You’re slow with your movements, moving at her pace.

When she sees Dina, she is less tense. You let her go, and she goes to Dina, laying down next to her and moving some hair back. 

You close the door gently, before going downstairs.

“So, you wanna tell me what happened?” 

“One of the girls she killed,” Tommy pauses, puts his head in his hands, and pushes his hair back, “she was pregnant, Y/N.”

“Jesus,” is all you can say as you sit on the stage. 

“Yeah,” is all Tommy can say as he sits next to you. He then looks around the theatre.

“You remember when you and Sarah came here?” 

You smile a bit, “yeah. Or, well, somewhere like here.”

“Nope. Pretty sure it was here,” you have no idea if he’s fucking with you or not.

You narrow your eyes at him a bit.

“I’m serious,” he says, “can’t remember what we saw, mind. But, it was right here we saw it.”

“Hm. Quite the legacy,” you admire.

“Ain’t it just.” 

A quiet few moments go by.

“I think we should go home,” you say.

Tommy nods, “Yeah. Though, not exactly looking forward to Maria kicking my arse.”

“Yeah, well, I ain’t gonna be able to help with that.”

“Maybe I’ll use you as a shield.”

“As if she’d let you,” you say, “She loves me.”

“I’d like to think she loves me more.”

“Uh-uh, told me herself.”

“Did she now?” 

“Oh yeah.”

It’s nice, this moment of normalcy.

“Go get some rest kid, we got a long trip tomorrow.”

“Guess you’re right,” you say, standing up and stretching, “night, Uncle Tommy.”

“Night, kid.”

You don’t sleep too long. Your instincts tell you something is going on.

You go to the main lobby and see Tommy on the floor, an arrow in his leg.

“Hands up,” you say, pointing your pistol at…shit, it’s Abby. And the kid Tommy mentioned.

“Y/N, run!” Tommy calls out.

“I ain’t leaving you,” you say to him, keeping your eyes on your father’s murderer.

“It’s you,” Abby says in realisation, “you’re the one who Marlene took as bait for…for him.” 

“You took him from me,” you spit.

“And yours took mine. Now you know how it feels.”

“We just gonna stare at each other?” 

“Not if you move. You’re not on my list. The girl is who I want.”

“So you can run more tests? There ain’t no cure.” 

“No. No, the cure is long dead. On that, we can agree.”

“I’m not letting you get my sister.”

She steps a bit closer, gun aimed up a bit, “Then I’ll take you both. I don’t care.”

You look to the boy, “You found the one good Seraphite?” 

“Just as quick as the rest.”

“Ok then,” you say, putting your gun down, hands raised, “then take me.”

“NO!” Tommy shouts, getting a kick in the gut.

“Maybe I would’ve,” she admits, “but not anymore. You’ve both taken too much from me. All you had to do, was stop. To get her to stop.”

You go to say something, but the door bursts open.

A few gunshots go off. You ignore the burning sensation on your body, and instead, try and deal with the one at your throat, the arm Abby has around it crushing your available air.

“Come on out! Or this one’s next!” Abby calls out.

“Ok. Fuck!” Ellie throws her gun away, standing up, hands raised, “you did this because of me, right? Because they both saved me? It’s me, I’m the one you want. Just let them go, ok?” 

Abby presses the gun into your head, “we let you live,” she says to Ellie.

“I’ll let you live,” Abby says to you, “but I swear, if I see you again, I will kill you.”

Your world then goes dark. But you hear your sister yell out your name.

You wake up to silence. 

Your vision goes double. You vomit on the floor.

Once on your feet, you slowly make your way down the theatre. You wished for music. You wished for something. Some sound to signal life.

You get backstage, and see a hole in the floor. You don’t even think before dropping down it. It doesn’t help your vision or unsteady legs. Shaking your head and getting to your feet once again, you’re greeted with your sister, coughing blood on the floor, and Dina bleeding from her head, unconscious. 

You go to your younger sister, fall down and hover over her. She just coughs more.

You don’t know what to do. You just put her head in your lap, running your hand through her hair.

If this is it, then so be it.

You go to sleep, not expecting to wake up again.

You do, and Ellie is quietly saying your name.

You look down, an unknown amount of time having passed.

“Are….are you…?” 

“Here. Present. Alive.” you say.

“Dina…” You look to your friend. Gently putting Ellie back down, you turn Dina over. The baby bump looks ok. You get some cloth and put it on her head.

“I think the baby’s ok.” 

Ellie lets out another cough, this seems to be her attempt at a sigh of relief.

How you get out, you can’t remember. But you do.

Ellie leaves Jackson. But you’ve already gone before then.

You can’t deal with all the looks from everyone. And what you gather to be a disappointed look from Maria when you bring Tommy in.

You aren’t far from it, instead just living in the woods.

You go to the same part of the water you went to clean yourself in after Henry and Sam died. You don’t really care you’re stealing the Jackson community water technically, you just use it.

You figure this will all help clear your head. It’s neutral. 

Maria comes to visit you, bringing some extra supplies. You just thank her.

She updates you on Tommy. Even tells you they split.

You just give her your condolences and go back to your little hobbit existence. Just you and a tent.

The final time Maria visits you, it’s to ask for you to go with Tommy. He wants to visit Ellie.

“I think she could use your company, too.”

Maria is still family; as is Tommy; as is Ellie.

You have to pick up the load now that Maria shares.

“Ok,” you say, voice croaky from a few months of disuse.

“Thank you,” she says. You nod.

She smiles a bit, happy that you’re somewhat in good standing with each other.

Tommy tries to make conversation with you, but you ignore him the whole ride down.

You help him off his horse and send him up the stairs first to the door.

You take in the place. It’s got a nice view. They’ve done well for themselves.

Dina greets you warmly.

“Hey, Y/N,” she says, giving you a hug.

“Hey, hon,” you say, hugging her back.

She takes a look at you, looking at your face and moving it around with her hands, “you had it rough, huh?” her voice is soft, unjudging.

“Sort of?” you say, unsure of how else to answer.

“Well, sit down. We’ll get you cleaned up.”

Then Ellie comes in, with a baby. 

She pauses at seeing you both, but a whole flood of emotions comes to her when she locks eyes with you.

“Hey,” is all she can get out.

“Hey,” you say.

It’s all going ok. Then Abby is mentioned again, and the mood turns sour.

“Oh, for fucks sake,” you say, hand going down your face.

“Now, don’t you fucking start –” Tommy starts to say.

“We ain’t doing this, Tom. You said you wanted to talk to her.”

“I am,” he protests, though does note your lack of ‘Uncle’ being used, “that’s all we doing.”

“Is it hell,” you say, trying to not teach the kid bad words this early. Like your dad did with you and Sarah.

“Oh, so now you wanna talk, huh?” Tommy challenges.

“We ain’t doing this here. Especially not in front of the kid,” you say, pointing to JJ. He grabs you finger, cooing as he moves it around. You move a bit closer, hand going through his hair, as your eyes stay on Tommy.

“Can you hold him?” Dina asks. You do. He complains at first, being away from his mother, but settles into you in the next moment. Dina takes Tommy outside.

“You’re a natural,” Ellie says, somewhat brightly. You start to rock from side to side gently as JJ settles even more, head on your shoulder.

“Yeah. Somehow,” you joke. Ellie scoffs humorously. 

“I’m glad you’re ok,” she means it.

“Ditto,” as do you.

The silence is awkward, and you see her eyes go to the map.

“Don’t,” you say, “don’t mess this up.” At ‘this’ you swirl your finger around the area.

“Ok,” she says. You look into her eyes that flicker down to the map every so often. You’re looking for signs of bullshit. You find some. You just don’t say anything.

“Ok,” you say.

Tommy leaves, but you stay the night. You get to know your nephew a bit more. He’s lively.

Dina and Ellie both show you around the farm. The sheep are nice. They help calm you down. Even JJ loves petting them.

Dinner is nice. They can both cook. You both even dance a bit. Just minus bigots being there, even better!

Then comes to bed. They show you your bedroom. You thank them and head in.

Early in the morning, you head downstairs, taking the map and putting it in your bag.

“What are you doing?” Ellie asks, coming downstairs, Joel's jacket over her shoulders.

“Trying, one last time.”

“To do what?”

“To stop you from this spiral being complete.”

“I’m not spiralling, Y/N. I’m hurting, and I don’t know how to make it stop.”

You sigh, sitting down, “You know, back in the old world, they had things called therapists. You ever heard of them?” she shakes her head, “they’d talk to you, try to help you find a way through. I’m sure there are some who would fit that role your age without knowing the turn, or just people my age who became them, but the talking bit I can do.”

“I don’t want to talk. Give me the map.”

“So you can run off and get killed?” 

“I won’t get killed.”

“How’s that?”

“You and Joel showed me how to survive.”

“And anyone can get a lucky shot in. I mean, Christ, look at Tommy, a bullet through the head should’ve killed him.”

“But he’s still alive. And so are you. I don’t want anyone else to almost die because of me.” you can hear the slight crack in her voice.

You know you could keep doing this with her. Going in circles. Your own spiral.

But, you’ve drained yourself.

So, you stand up, and take the map out of the bag. 

You see Dina peak from around the corner, but you’re quick in your eyes going back to Ellie, who is watching you, eyes glassy, and tense.

You approach her, and put the map into her hand, “I love you, Ellie. Far as I’m concerned, you’re my blood,” you grab her face in your hands, “You always will be, ok? But, if you do this, I won’t be here when you get back.”

Either timeline her brain cooks up as to that meaning scares her.

“Ok,” she says, even as her voice wobbles and tears threaten to fall. She takes the map and goes to her bag. You hear her sniffle from the kitchen.

You turn to Dina, and knock your head to the kitchen. She goes down. You sit on the chair in the living room as they share a goodbye.

Dina then comes back, you hug her. You hear the back door close. Ellie seemingly didn’t want to confront you again.

“What…what happens now?” Dina asks you in hiccups.

You kiss her head, “well, I’m gonna get some supplies from Jackson, and go back to my little home.”

“Can you…can you help me move some things back there, please?”

You hug her a bit tighter, “course, kiddo.”

“Thank you,” she says as you pull apart.

You smile down at her, “you’re family,” is all you say.

The three of you head to Jackson, you help Dina set up in her room. 

“Thank you. I mean it. Please visit, that’s all I ask. Don’t do that other way out. Please.”

You sadly smile at her, “I’ll do my best on the last part. I’ll swing by, though. Promise.”

“Ok…ok,” she hugs you again.

“I think you would’ve liked my sister,” she says, voice muffled by her shirt.

“Bet I would’ve,” you agree.

You go back to your tent; luckily, nothing has happened to it. 

You go on a hunt and start skinning your deer. You hear a twig snap, and a quiet “shit” from the person you know who broke it.

You continue skinning, then start cooking. Ellie takes a seat on the log.

You look at her, seeing her casual clothing, and that she’s missing two fingers.

You don’t say anything. She watches you, eyes going to the fire every so often, fingers playing with themselves. 

Wordlessly, you hold out a small cup of water. She takes it, and drinks from it, before handing it back to you.

It is then replaced with some meat.

She eats, then looks back to the water.

She feels something hit her feet. Looking down, she sees a sleeping back. Looking back up, she sees you trying to do another tent. 

She finishes her food, and approaches you, “I’ve got it,” her voice quiet, drained, hurt.

You don’t look at her as you go with your own food. 

“Can you help me, please?” she asks. You pause, putting your food back into the bowl, before getting up and helping to finish her tent.

“Thank you,” she says. You nod, before finishing your meal.

You then set up your sound traps.

“Is that like Bill’s?” she asks.

“Yup,” you answer.

“Cool,” she says.

You just nod.

Once they’re done, you retire to bed yourself.

Ellie stays up, just looking at the fire, then down at her fingers that can no longer play the guitar.

She goes into her tent. The bed isn’t too uncomfortable. Yet she’s still restless.

She hears you snore a bit from the tent diagonal from her.

She shuts her eyes. In her mind’s eye is one of you, her, and Joel having a snowball fight. It’s nice. Warm. Fuzzy. Happy.

You have a dream of Sarah. Of one time of you both comforting each other after a sad film, just holding each other and crying. It’s sad but comforting. 

The dream changes, Ellie comes and sits next to you, and a new movie starts: Curtis and Viper 2.

You all pull up the shared blanket.

It’s a dream, you know that.

Yet you find comfort in it.

It drowns out what’s actually happened. What’s actually been lost.

The illusion will shatter as soon as you wake, as it always does.

But you hope you can dream a bit longer.

Escape the broken bonds you have to go back to at some point.

The sad existence you live.

The emptiness you feel.

The one your sister has too.

Maybe you can overcome it, one day.

But you both know that day is far away.

And it terrifies you both…

[diabolik-lovers-things]

⋆⭒˚｡⋆ FIRST POST ⋆⭒˚｡⋆

⋆⭒˚｡⋆

hello !! i'm a long time lurker here at tumblr, but it's been a while since i posted/made any new sideblogs. you can call me anna ! i'm a girl obv, and also a minor [16-18] so pls don't be creepy !!

i recently got into diabolik lovers and watched the first season of the anime as well as gameplay of haunted dark bridal. if it's not obvious, my favourite character is kanato !! i haven't been very involved with the fandom yet but i see a lot of hate for him which is sad :(

more about this blog -- my main fandom is diabolik lovers !! i'm no artist and barely a writer, but i can make memes, headcanons, quotes and things like that !! as well as rambles and stuff about the series. i'm not interested in any characters other than yui and the sakamaki brothers, so if you expect content for anyone else from me i'm sorry to let you down.

i'll add some more stuff abt me below :}

fandoms ::

-- diabolik lovers [obv]

-- danganronpa

-- hetalia

-- doki doki literature club

-- yandere simulator

-- future diary

-- omori

-- higurashi when they cry

-- mystic messenger

-- shiki [second best vampire anime after DL imo]

hobbies ::

-- writing [kinda? procrastination is my worst enemy hhhhhhh]

-- cycling

-- learning abt history//geography

-- listening to music [brb js gonna look for a kanato playlist]

-- making fun of americans

-- baking

my fav music artists/bands ::

-- marina (and the diamonds)

-- melanie martinez

-- mitski

-- kikuo

-- lana del rey

-- abba

my fav authors ::

-- agatha christie

-- donna tartt

-- fyodor dostoevsky

my ranking of DL boys ::

-- kanato is obv number one, i rly love his more feminine design and i believe we need more characters that look like him in media. maybe bc my type is more feminine boys but idk. i love his personality asw he's batshit insane and needs immediate professional help. underrated

-- subaru is a surprising one for me, as i often forgot he existed while watching the anime but his route in hdb was rly cute and he's such a tsun tsun which is adorable

-- a few yrs ago reiji was EXACTLY my type and i still appreciate his character archetype quite a lot. he's also one of the meanest of the brothers i love that abt him (i would cry on the spot if he scolded me)

-- shu is pretty cute and i rly like his personality as well. he also has his weird moments like everyone else but i think he had the closest thing to a healthy relationship w yui so that's cool. he's also super relatable

-- laito was actually my second favourite before hdb, but holy fucking shit is his route messed up. the anime did NOT do a good job portraying how deranged this man is. i still like him but his constant horniness and raging misogyny [more so than the others] are huge turnoffs

-- ayato was always pretty low on the list, and after seeing his route my opinion didn't change much. i don't dislike anything in particular abt him, he's just not the type of character i usually like. i don't rly like him with yui either for that reason, so yeah

other ::

-- i rly wanna travel to a lot of places

-- i'm a huge planner when it comes to things, but when the time comes i never follow the plan i spent so much time on,,,

-- i love cats !!

-- i think i'm aroace but i might be biromantic

-- my fav type of weather is cold//rainy//snowy weather

-- my fav food is schnitzel and my fav dessert is crêpes [also my fav fruit is apples]

-- i love making ocs

DNI list ::

-- racists//xenophobes

-- misogynists

-- homophobes

-- pedos//other weirdos of that type

-- furries

-- incels

-- yandev supporters//apologists

-- kanato haters//yui haters

-- people younger than 13//older than 30

-- rhythm game fans

-- 4chan users

-- twitter users

that's it for now !! ty for reading this far <3

[sparrowsortadrawzzz]

Aight so. As we move into the summer season I have been struck with inspiration for a new AU. It is a summer camp AU. All the MCs are roughly 18/19. I’ve started enjoy the idea of Crowley as an archangel and the archangels being his siblings cuz that’s very dramatic and I’ve been exposed to a lot of that content so that’s here now too. Also I made my two favourite characters friends because of course I did that’s what I always do in every fandom I’ve ever been in.

(Featuring friends to lovers Aziracrow and enemies to lovers Ineffable Bureaucracy obviously.)

So the perspective is split between the four main characters. Gabriel Archer, his half brother Anthony J Crowley (Known mostly as Crowley) same mother (Gods human character that looks like Frances Mcdormand, most likely named Godiva or something similar) different fathers. They are constantly fighting and being general little nightmares, never seeming to be able to agree on anything and taking arguments way too far (bringing up each others fathers; Gabes died and Crowley’s was shitty, getting into actual physical altercations and getting eachother in trouble at school) so their mother decides to send them to a summer camp as councillors for bonding and teamwork purposes. She’s trying okay. Gabriel just turned 19 and Crowley is 18.

And on the other side are the head councillors, Aziraphale (known as A, Azi, Zira or variations on ‘shithead’ and the like by Beez cuz they’re a little bitch) Prince and Beelzebub (known as Beez) Hellborne. They’re 18 but have been attending this summer camp since they were 11 (they’re known as ‘legacy campers’).

This is their second year as councillors so they’ve been given a promotion bc the last head councillors left. To most people they seem like the world’s least likely friendship but they just vibe. It’s probably the undiagnosed autism. They love food and classic literature (I think Beez would like Lovecraftian horror and more horror-y stuff like Frankenstein, Dracula, Jekyll and Hyde etc. while we obviously know Aziraphale has a preference for Jane Austen.) and manage to be equally terrible influences on eachother (aziraphale is that one friend who will suggest something and then be like ‘oh no don’t actually do it I was joking!’ While having a shit-eating grin on his face because he knows damn well they’ll do the thing).

Beez is better at handling activities (surprise surprise so is Gabe) while Zira is better at handling the campers themselves (surprise surprise so is Crowley) since he tends to be gentler. (Eg. Beez will try to get the campers attention by yelling ‘okay, maggots!’ And Aziraphale will literally just bop them on the head with the book he’s holding and glare at them until they say something non-aggressive. ‘Beez we talked about this you can’t yell at the 11 year olds.’ ‘Why not? My older siblings yelled at me when I was that age.’ ‘…Well we’re going to have to unpack THAT later. Also hold my book I wanna go talk to Crowley.’)

Aziraphales family is homophobic and Beelzebubs are generally pretty toxic and involved in some bad crimey stuff (they have six brothers, the other deadly sins) so camp is their favourite time of year and they will not tolerate these new councillors messing their safe place up.

The owner and guidance councillor of the camp, ‘Sergeant’ Shadwell and ‘Madam’ Tracy, who are definitely-not-secretly-pining love these two, Shadwell calls them and the other councillors his ‘officers’ and Tracy tells them they’re stars.

So the bros™️ show up at camp and are intoducd to the other councillors, including the buddies™️, queue an ‘oh no he’s hot’ squidward moment as the brothers realise this summer may not be so bad after all. Queue shenanigans, no one being good at feelings, matchmaking, healing relationships and found family feels.

still need to think of a name for the damn camp though.

OH MY GOSH this is an absolutely GENIUS idea!! I absolutely adore this...

(dies inside as i instantly think "OOH! Camp Armagetalong–!" I'm a sucker for puns and word play...)

[yeetus-feetus]

trying to get my previously very homophobic hardcore-christian baby brother to accept the lgbtqia+

Captains Log: First entry

So far he's become accumulated to the idea of two boys being able to have a healthy relationship through his obsession with one Damian Al Ghul Wayne.

Through giving him access to my Pinterest account for something I honestly can't remember- maybe a school thing, he discovered my DC pins and I introduced him to some really cute Damijon art. He was immediately consumed. I left him alone on my laptop and came back to more than three dozen new pins of purely Damijon fanarts.

Note: remind me to make him his own account Jfc!

From Damijon he then discovered Timkon and Superbat. It is an understatement to say he is a fan of bat×super pairings.

I exploited his new obsessions with these ships to make him angry because he's so terribly cute and hilarious when he's angry. How did I do this?

Well, I decided one day that I would break the unfortunate news to him that Jon Kent was in fact already in a relationship with one Jay Nakamura, and Tim as such with one Bernard Dowd. The following outburst from him was immeasurable!

You can imagine my surprise when he screamed at me, demanding I prove such a thing- then afterwards the amount of tears. He refused to speak to me for two while weeks, unless uping the anti on telling me how I was going to hell for being a fag. Hypocritical of him in all honesty considering he was saving pins of boys kissing quicker and more efficiently than I could complete my assignments.

Anywho, I took advantage of this. I like poking the bear, and he's a very cute bear, so I began mentioning Jay and Jon when I felt like seeing his little face get so red with anger it's possible steam might come from his ears. We quickly developed a loose script of back and forth; him getting angry and trying to explode me with his mind, me grinning at how wholeheartedly he defended his most favourite ship between two boys.

Until one day my little brother flipped that script and pulled the rug right out from underneath me and my little game. He proposed Polyamory. Of all thing, Polyamory. Not something you'd expect from the mouth of a Christian boy- especially about three boys.

How and where this primary school kid learnt about the idea of Polyamory escapes me. I have no idea, but the fact he was willing to accept it to disprove my point is almost even more hilarious than his face when he's angry.

I'm so glad, proud in honesty, that he has experienced this growth as a person, that he is accepting of Polyamory- even if it is because of something so silly. It's progress in getting him to stop condemning me and mine to hell. He is willing to accept such relationships now, and all because of my incessant teasing and taunting.

This acceptance extends to Timberkon especially, from what I can tell from the 12 pins he's added to his ever growing collection on my account. Which I am very pleased about, considering my own love for that particular ship. And also, he's realised he can ship Batman with more people than just Superman (though he still hates that I'm a Batlantern shipper).

His favourite Batman ship is now Batman, Superman and Lois Lane as a throuple. He is also open to the idea of Batman dating Talia Al Ghul and Cat Woman as well as Superman. (He is not letting go of the Superbat element, that's fine though).

And, surprisingly, it has also extended to a new show we've been watching together, with my second brother as well, called "Castlevania" on Netflix, in which he's now insisting the main three characters- Trevor Belmont, Sypha Belnades, and Adrian Teppesh aka Alucard- are polyamorus and all in love with each other.

Note: we are only in the second season as of now.

Which is all excellent growth in my books!

Now my lovely friend @froggyinfear has suggested I introduce him to lesbians next, to further his acceptance of queer relationships. I intend to update you all with the details of my progress in this endeavour with this new Captain's Log.

[genloss-soundtrack-bracket]

WELCOME TO THE GENLOSS SOUNDTRACK BRACKET

We here at genloss-soundtrack-bracket are here for a great time. unlike the sorry fate our hero came to (but we won't talk about that) so we want you to have an easy time making your favourite tune a winner!

about the blog and it's owner

genloss-soundtrack-bracket is currently run by @gay-crows-in-a-trenchcoat (they/them) so if there's anything you'd like to know more about, or chat about, go check their blog (look I'll be honest talking about myself in third person is weird, come talk to me about the songs or some strange thing up with the blog or if I've got something wrong or mistagged (I don't bite, promise))

have any propaganda, or maybe you just really want to talk about this specific part of a song in the soundtrack thats as amazing as that cheesecake? go click on the ask button labeled 'goo goobie' (I don't know why it's that either)

this is all for kicks and giggles, so please don't bring any negativity and hate around these here parts, this means no exlusionary behaviour (terfs, transphobes, homophobes, racists, ect arent welcome here, else we'll just call you a cop, mkay?) and no hate at anyone who may like a song you don't

VOTER FRAUD IS FINE TO DO

rounds, generations and more (polls)

the first round of TSES (The Social Experiments Soundtrack) polls is complete (go look at the results here)

the second round of TSES polls are complete (go check out the results here)

the third round of TSES are complete (go check it out here)

the fourth round of TSES is begining on November 5th, 3pm aedt (check it out here)

the fifth round of TSES will be out soon :)

if there are more soundtracks with upcoming generations the polls will be linked here

other things (FAQ (sort of) and more)

this blog is not run by any of the original generation loss team, it is not our intellectual property (if you have any issues over this blog please talk it out with me (@gay-crows-in-a-trenchcoat) in dms, NOT any of the people or ccs involved in the original media)

"what if I want to know when a poll is out but blog notifications aren't my thing/ I may not see the notification?" just send an ask here or DM/ask me @gay-crows-in-a-trenchcoat! We can set up what you would like to hear about (e.g. new poll, new post, poll results, ect.) and I can DM you when those things are posted!

"I noticed something about the blog that may have been done by mistake/ the owner is unaware of, can I send an ask about that?" you can send an ask or DM about anything you think we may be unaware of! (due to me being quite accident prone I may reblog things onto here that were meant to be on the other blog, if I am aware but the post is relative enough to the blog it will be tagged 'not a poll' sometimes I just don't realise and there's no harm in pointing that out! :D)

"I want something tagged but there's no tags already existing on the blog/I'm unsure if you'll tag it" if there's something you want tagged just ask! unless you're asking to tag things so you can avoid seeing them when they're a major part of the blog there's no tag too outrageous!

"I have other questions that aren't on the FAQ, what do I do?" send an ask here or to @gay-crows-in-a-trenchcoat or DM me, there's no way the FAQ can cover everything so don't feel bad about asking questions :)

tags

(any other tags will be added later)

#winners <- these are the poll winners and posts announcing such

#genloss <- anything involving generation loss, it could be a poll or just a post

#genloss soundtrack <- something to do with the genloss soundtrack

#genloss spoilers <- posts that involve potential generation loss spoilers will be tagged with this (although if you have this blocked I am unsure why you would be looking at this blog)

#round 1 polls <- posts and polls from round one of TSES

#round 2 polls <- posts and polls from round two of TSES

#round 3 polls <- posts and polls from round three of TSES

#not a poll <- posts that don't involve polls (could be an ask, accidental reblog, ect.)

#polls <- its a poll!

#propaganda <- people want you to vote their songs! this tag involves reasons why :)

#genloss [song] <- what songs are mentioned in the post (specifically from the genloss soundtrack)

#//[trigger here] <- if there is any potentially triggering content in the post it will be tagged with this e.g. #//repetition (please let us know if there is something you'd like tagged with this)

#<-prev [comment here] <- this means that the post is a reblog of something with text in the tags (the arrow will always point to the previous tag)

[cuntyqueerleondraisaitl]

My thoughts on Yellowjackets Season 1

Major spoilers for season one under the cut. Also, long

Okay I'm going to break this up into parts because I'm mentally ill and neurodivergent, need I say more?

Stuff I predicted.

First and foremost, I fucking called it that Coach Ben was gay. I was watching it with my cousins and I announced to the room: "The coach guy is gay, you can quote me on that!" Just for the record, my gaydar is very good.

Jackie's death was extremely sad, but I knew the second hallucination!Shauna let her inside. There's no way she would forgive her or be forgiven that fast, teenage girls are terrifying.

Predictions for the future:

They are 100% going to eat Jackie. Nuff Said.

Javi is dead. If not now, then soon.

There is a 0% chance that Shauna's baby is going to survive. Giving birth is dangerous enough on its own. But a teenager giving birth, in the woods, with no medication, no food, no doctors, under absolutely horrifying mental circumstances. There's no way in hell.

For this prediction, it must be known that I know absolutely nothing about lighters. But during the scene where Jackie was trying to light the fire before she died, I noticed that she was having trouble with the lighter. This could have been because she was shivering, or to further drive home the fact that she isn't good at "outdoorsy" stuff, but lighters do run on a small amount of fuel. And if that runs you can no longer use the lighter, it is also unlikely the lighters were full when they got them (I'm assuming they got them from the cabin, as it would be weird for a teenager to bring a lighter to a soccer game) So if the lighters run out or stop working, will they run out of fuel?

And, we have to talk about my least favourite arc of all time, Misty and the Coach. I hated this so fucking much. Adult Misty slays but '96 Misty makes me want to die. Anyway... I think he gon be outed. Misty fucking assaulted and terrorized this guy for so long, and then he told her that he was gay. She isn't going to sit on this, she's going to tell everyone. I don't think anyone's going to be homophobic, because they were all fine with Taivan, but I do think that this is going to really alienate her from Nat, who is Ben's best friend and #1 supporter.

In terms of whos, the head-honcho with the scary mask is, at this point, I'm almost certain that it's got to be Lottie. At first, I was betting on Taissa because of the whole "Became a leader in her adult life" thing, but now I'm shying against it, and I'm not quite sure why. Lottie is my first choice, not from a character standpoint, but purely from a literary one. She is the only character that has not yet appeared as an adult (next to Van) who has gotten any real characterization. And Van just kind of seems like a prop to be Tai's girlfriend and someone to get injured a shit ton. (I love Taivan, don't get me wrong)

Flight 571

If you don't know, flight 571 was a real flight, carrying a Urgarian rugby team, that crashed in the Andes. It is often known as "The Miracle of the Andes." Of the 45 people on the flight, 16 survived, and they did so by eating each other. It was a big hyper-fixation of mine for a while.

One of the biggest differences between the Yellowjackets vs 571, is the setting. As 571 crashed in the Anes, where there was absolutely no life, and their flight obviously crashed in the forest, where they can hunt. But as winter approaches, the two climates become more and more similar, which will probably lead to more parallels.

There are already a shit ton of parallels, starting way back in episode 2, with none other than Van. Her Flight 571 parallel is, arguably the most famous of the group, Nando Parrado. And although your parallels aren't glaring, there is no questioning that they're there. Nando had a fractured skull and was in a Coma for three days after the crash. At first, he was to be counted among the dead, but at the last minute, he was pulled back into the plane, where he survived and became one of the most important people on the flight and one of the survivors. This is a parallel to the way that Van almost died in the fire, but survived and became a very important figure.

In relation to the whole "eating Jackie" thing. In the real-life flight 571 They didn't eat the already dead, they only ate the people that had consented to be eaten when they were alive. This will most likely not play into it at all here, but I want to see how they handle the morality of the situation

Another thing that came up a lot in the crash of 571, was whether or not they could physically;y stomach the meat. Many passengers, even when dying of starvation, could not stomach the meat of their fellow passengers. Again, I doubt this will come up, but It would be dope if it did.

Rationing horror. I want it. I know I'm a jerk, but there is one instance in 571 that has always stuck with me, and this is the fact that one of the 571 passengers (I believe it was my man Nando) ate one chocolate-covered almond over the course of three days. First the outer layer of the chocolate, and then the two slivers of almond, one at a time. I don't have a reason for it, but I really want this to play a part.

I'm very confused about how the cannibalism wasn't immediately found out when they were rescued. In the real-life Andes flight, people figured it out almost immediately. They were immediately rushed to the hospital, and when the doctors puzzled out that they had to be eating something, it was all out in the open pretty fast. I'm curious how the Yellowjackets managed to cover it up.

Things I Loved

Pretty much the whole show. Even the things I hated (see below) are either so small or made sense narratively that it allowed for a really enjoyable watching experience. It was beautiful to look at. Amazingly acted. Amazingly scripted. And just an all-around excellent show.

Things I hated

The Misty/Ben arc. I hated this so fucking much. Ben is my favourite character, and he was straight-up getting harassed by Misty. She also only stopped when she forced him out. And even then she didn't stop being bitter about it. ("[Ben] tricked me into falling in love with him") She also TRIED TO RAPE HIM??? Even after he said no multiple times during episode nine. It also made me cringe, super hard, which isn't as important but still makes me hate it. This is why I have '96 Misty. I understand that it made literary sense, but still...

The fact that 571 is canon in the Yellowjackets universe. It is mentioned in a throwaway line said by that reporter. I believe in episode eight, It feels like a mistake, like when Hot Tub Time Machine was referenced in Endgame. I have already said that it is clear that Yellowjackets is loosely based on flight 571, which makes me feel weird...

The way that schizophrenia was presented. I'm not Schitzo Spec, nor a medical professional so I'm not speaking from experience, but from the research I've done, it can be pretty harmful to use hallucinations to convey evil things or to present it as a gift. Both of which are done in the show

Character Thoughts:

I am completely separating the '96 characters from the present day. In my mind thus far they are different people. This is in literally no order

Reporter: Literally no strong feelings about her what-so-ever, don't even know her name

Those three random girls: You know who I'm talking about. I don't even know their names so I don't care.

Jeff: I hate him. He makes me want to murder him. He cheated on his girlfriend with her best friend. Then blackmailed her friends for money because people didn't want his furniture. 0/10 do not recommend

'96 Misty: I really hate her, even more than Jeff. She's the only character who I like the present-day version of her more than the teen version. Again, the whole Misty/Ben act made me really deeply resent her

Present-day Misty: I love her. So much. She and House should team up and create the malpractice hospital of the century. I was on the fence about her until the very end when she poisoned the reporters cigarettes. And now I love her.

'96 Lottie: I think that she needs a bit more development, and I can see her becoming one of my favourites. Apart from my thoughts on her schizophrenia, I think that with a bit more characterization she can become almost perfect

'96 Vanessa: I love her. Again, I feel like she is mostly being portrayed as someone to do gruesome stuff too, and as a prop for Tai., but the crumbs of Characterization we get for her are awesome. I love the way that she took Lotties weird bone/good luck charm with her. Is shows that she's really sweet and a good person.

'96 Nat: Yes. Her. Yes. Also, she's definitely queer and no I do not take criticism. I think that, even though she's so broken, her and Travis have a really unique and great bond, even at their worst. I also LOVE her relationship with Wen (Don't worry, we're getting to him) She's probably my favourite of the girls.

Present day Nat: Unpopular opinion, but just eh. She's a very tragic character, and that's important for the story. I think that her grief, and her relapse, are very realistic. I can empathize with her, but she isn't very interesting and one of my favourites.

'96 Jackie: I hate her too. I think she's whiny, and doesn't pull her weight. And her insane amount of pouting is what got her killed. I understand that there was a whole arc about her not pulling her weight, but I don't think that ever got really resolved. She did the seance, but that definitely did more bad than good. I wish she wasn't dead, but she irritates me.

'96 Travis: I definitely think he had some of the best development out of all the kids. During the first couple of episodes, I was team eat Travis first and now I'm team eat him second or third. Still not my favourite, but I don't hate him.

'96 Shauna: I think that she's a bi-disaster and in love with Jackie, but honestly to me she seems a bit one-sided. I don't really have super strong thoughts on her

Present-day Shauna: The worst of the adults. Even if it turns out her husband is blackmailing her, she shouldn't have cheated, especially if she didn't know. She pretty much neglects her daughter and kept those journals even though it meant putting her team in jeopardy.

'96 Javi: I think that at the beginning, he had the potential to be interesting. Especially with the whole, dead dad/gum thing. But we haven't really heard from him in a while, so there isn't much to say.

'96 Tai: I like her a lot, I think that she is the one whose characterization as a child comes through the most as an adult. You can see her leadership come through and strengthen as the season go on, which obviously morphs into her becoming senator as an adult.

Present day Tai: Fine. Just fine. I think that her arc as an adult is quite interesting because most of her reach characterization came through in her marriage/parenting/politics stuff, and not in the mystery. But she's fine.

Ben: Oh my precious. Oh, my baby. This man can do no wrong. he could eat literally everyone else, including Nat and Van, and I would continue to give him cuddles and words of affirmation. My favourite character of all time, the reason I hate '96 Misty. If anyone does anything to him they are dead to me forever. That one scene where he's high on shrooms and screaming at the sky that he's gay. Goosebumps.

TL;DR

I'm a really fucked up person who just spent almost hours writing an essay on a show she isn't even done watching yet.

[wily-one24]

How old were you when you realised you were bi? Who was your first girl crush?

This is actually a really tough question, Nonny.

I will try to answer as honestly as I can and hope that will suffice.

I'm not sure it's a questions of "realising" I was bi, so much as "accepting" it.

I grew up with undiagnosed autism, so I struggled a lot to fit in anywhere, let alone at home. Spent a lot of time being told I was wrong and the things I was doing were wrong. I had to work very hard to fit in, to read the room, and to make myself acceptable to society.

Added to that, I had several chronic conditions that made a lot of extra care necessary for my survival and I was made very aware of how much trouble this caused my family.

I also grew up in a very outwardly homophobic family. They have improved a lot, and nowadays they would claim absolute acceptance, but when I was growing up, that was certainly not the case. There were a lot (A LOT) of hostile comments made about gay people, lesbians, bi people. There was a lot of othering going on.

So, to me, i guess it was never really an option to be different. I never accepted that as something I could do, because it would other me, it would drive a further wedge between me and what was seen as acceptable.

That said, I always kinda knew i was different in that sense. I struggled to ever find attraction to boys or men and trying to fit in with a bunch of teen girls who were asking about crushes was a nightmare.

And yet, if asked, I could rattle of a list of top ten, twenty, fifty female celebrities that I would absolutely "turn" for if I could. Not so many guys.

Looking back, I can name several women and girls that I really, really admired that I would call crushes now.

But that's normal, right? ALL women can rattle of the ladies they'd turn gay for, right? That's just... normal.

I was normal. I was acceptable. I found a boyfriend who was 500% more into me than I was him and it was easy. I settled into a relationship, without needing to really put any effort into it. I married him. I had two children with him. I was 50000000% happier with the children than with him.

By the time I had my second child, we split. He was absolutely feeling the not love, there were some bad times, we split. I was so much happier and comfortable SINGLE than I ever was in a relationship.

And this allowed me to say "you know what? I give up, bisexual it fucking is! I LOVE THE LADIES!"

But it was not a grand realisation. It was not a surprise.

I am still not vocally out in my real life (well, I am to my friends and my ex... which, btw, we have very similar tastes in ladies... not to my family or workplace), but I am not ashamed. One of my favourite tees is the bisexual flag in the shape of a heart that I wear ALL THE TIME. All anyone has to do is pay attention. I am openly and vocal about my acceptance of any and all future partners or gender presentations to my children.

And if I were to get a girlfriend in real life, you can bet that I would tell people. It would be no secret, she would come with me to family dinners and anyone who had a problem with it could go fuck themselves.

There is no point stirring up shit in my family until that happens. Those that matter in my life know the truth.

Everyone else is extraneous.

[capputinos-harp]

" Your grace "

(⌒.−)＝★ Hello, my name is harpy, you can call me Cappu if you want. This blog is mainly focused on genshin impact and monkie kid, i like yandere, obsessive or possessive, lovesick, and overprotective characters, thou i do not support this acts in real life. I enjoy it fictionally. Anyway if you dont get my name, im a big simp for il capitano 'The Captain' second harbinger he he . .

(⌒.−)＝★ I like to write . . . ( highlights are my favourites.. )

~`★ Yandere, possessive, obsessive, and lovesick.

~`★ Fluff, angst, heavy angst, and lime.

~`★ G0r3, soft or hard.

~`★ Imagines, oneshot, and headcanons.

~`★ Platonic or romantic interactions {Yandere, or overprotective}

~`★ Alternate Universe.

~`★ Smut ( just faint or hinted )

~`★ MC-Like readers

(⌒.−)＝★ i do not like . . .

~`★ Abvs3, and r^p3

~`★ Child x adult

~`★ Imposter ! AU

~`★ or anything that i found uncomfortable . . .

(⌒.−)＝★ Before you proceed . . .

~`{1.}★ I can refuse requests, if i deem uncomfortable.

~`{2.}★ Do not be rude, or sent an insult to my writing or your disagreement in my fic.

~`{3.}★ Do be specific.

~`{4.}★ Don't hesitate to sent me a question if i can write a specific genre, or an AU

Mutuals ; { Empty . . . }

My Tags;

# Cappu been here { Fic's }

# Cappu beverages { Sneak peaks }

" My DNI "

People who believe the 'Nezha is internally 12' thing.

Homophobes, Ableist, Blue lives matter, and terfe are prohibited from interacting with me.

All hate will be deleted and blocked

It's alright if you ask for an opinion on some drama, and that's it. { only revolving the fandoms I'm in }

Creditos;

Pfp by Halas Rabbit {Picrew}

Banner by me {Edited} & this picrew {link}

[six-of-ravens]

oc questionnaire

tagged by @princesshoneytea (thank you!!). apologies if this makes no sense cause i don't consistently talk about my writing here, but it looked like fun so im gonna do it anyway!!

favourite oc: probably James. Hot doctor, trans man, British expat who lives either on a spaceship or a cottage in Iceland. impeccable snark. originally from the 1830s, but then died trying to escape from a vampire blood mage and ended up on an intergalactic quest that....never ended, because he married the MacGuffin of said quest.

newest oc: uhhhh Kitty and Theo from a story just called "50s thing" about newlyweds who move to the desert to work on a secret scientific research base. Shenanigans and possible time travel ensue. Theo is a theoretical physicist and Kitty is a housewife (and happy about it, she considers housework, cooking, and sewing to be her "only" skills. Obviously there is more to her than that but, that's where she's at in her head after escaping from a neglectful household where she basically had to raise her younger siblings).

oldest oc: Ari! A healer who lives in a cottage in a fairytale-esque world i made up when I created her when i was 11, and refuse to change. She's tough as nails and yet soft when you need her, though if you get on her bad side she will make you clean her floors. Also, if you're a particular sort of miserable wet dog of a person and stand near her for more than 10 seconds, she will legally adopt you. Non-negotiable. That is how she became James' and Keiyel's mother.

meanest oc: this is a tough one but probably June from my urban fantasy world. She's not mean so much as mistrusting of new people, but she'll also go off on you if you treat her/others poorly (I believe one of her introductory scenes involves her Karening at a shop owner for trying to pass off opalite (glass) as moonstone). She's bi, and somewhat butch, but grew up in a very homophobic household and therefore has a massive chip on her shoulder that she's still healing.

softest oc: ironically, Seneca, June's younger sister, from that same story. She likes to think she's "not naive, I just have faith in humanity :)" but she's 18, so...she's super naive anyway. She means well though, and her plot involves learning how to function in the adult world (after a very sheltered childhood) while still keeping her softness.

most aloof/standoffish oc: Eliza from North! She doesn't mean to be, she's just a) socially awkward, b) an aristocrat who's expected to be a bit standoffish, and c) a bit deluded about her skills with the sword. A big chunk of the first part of North is her getting taken down a peg or three.

dumbest (affectionate) oc: I'm sure there's a dumber one but I can't think of them right now, so Maris from North. Upper class merchant's daughter who runs away to follow Eliza on a dangerous, impulsive trip to Anteria, the magical, arctic country next door. She's not dumb so much as sheltered and a bit too convinced of the reality of adventure novels.

smartest oc: Probably James, but I already talked about him so I'll say Keiyel, a "wizard" who "minmaxed wisdom and intelligence" and is therefore incredibly intellectually smart, and basically uses her magic to perform complex particle physics experiments, but also like, buys her acid from a cult on Etsy (this is real, there was (is still?) a cult called Weird Hollywood Youth who would make and sell acid on etsy labelled as "blotting paper." Their leader also has the Nbisco logo tattooed onto his head. Don't ask me why. I just co-opted that for Keiyel because it seemed like the kind of dumb thing she'd do lol). Is well-known for showing up injured horribly and proudly announcing "I learned how to turn radioactive isotopes into magical energy!" or some shit. She's very lucky James is her adoptive brother.

oc i'd like to be friends with: Eliza! I feel like we'd get along, and maybe she could teach me cool sword moves.

idk who to tag cause I don't know who's cool with talking about their OCs online (aside from @princesshoneytea lol) soooo if you wanna do this pls consider yourself tagged!

[thaminho]

For the fandom ask thing I’d like to know your answers for numbers 6, 9, 25 and 26 pleaseeee ☺️

Thanks a lot for sending this ask 😊

My answers are quite long I'm afraid.

6 Favourite playlist: It's my own, I for some reason rarely listen to other people's. It's called 'I could scream and kill and maim and tear and' and it contains all songs that are of great significance for me.

This is the link to it: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3RgGigkwvPBdnj3pGUHlDu?si=kc5Xw84rRoSbyZ3lPyIbdg

9 Favourite creator: If we are talking about any kind of creator than it'd have to be Dreamcatcher for music. Also Haruki Murakami had a big impact on me, I read a lot of his books this year.

A really 'hidden gem' I massively enjoy is the singer Ko Young Yeol: He is a traditional Korean pansori singer who combines this with modern Jazz and folk. His music is incredible!

25 Best movie: I'm very forgetful and I really can't remember a lot of movies I watched. The first really good one that comes to mind however is the 1997 film 'Cure' by Kiyoshi Kurosawa. The director of 'Parasite' Bong Joon-Ho claimed this as one of the best films of all time and I like psychological horror films so I watched it on the train ride to Berlin for the Dreamcatcher concert and really enjoyed it.

26 Best song: I listened to so much great music this year (music is really the best thing there is for me) so it was a bit difficult to pick just a few songs. I decided on these:

First: 'Fairytale' by Dreamcatcher because it really does make me feel like my life is a fairytale, there are people who care about me and I can do anything with fairytale-like ease if that makes sense.

Second: 'My sea' by IU. It's really a Gesamtkunstwerk if you excuse this pretentious German word. Also it makes me feel unimaginable strength to overcome all my struggles and grow stronger.

Third: 'Origin of Love' by Mika. This was my favourite song when I was twelve. I was made to forget its greatness by homophobic classmates who couldn't stomach "gay music" but rediscovered it this year and with that uncovered some hidden parts of myself. For me its message is: Love is so trivial and such a raw emotion but simultaneously more important than anything else. Taking the difficult step to pursue it can only free you.

[pearlgisa]

badhaai do: how some of us from the queer community missed its point

I've been back after 9213049 years to announce that y'all MUST watch Badhaai Do, it's literally the most beautiful form of queer representation I've seen. another thing, ignore those who say there are zero queer people involved.

a few spoilers ahead, so please watch the movie before reading this :))

1. the script consultant is queer.

2. the people in the pride parade (which had the unfortunate straight flag in the trailer) were queer. I saw plenty of instagram stories by those in there, posting about it, and checked out their profiles. if they didn't spot it, that means not all queer people keep up with news that makes them sad lol.

3. the girl who hands the mask to Shardul was his sister-in-law, also queer.

4. we also don't know for sure whether there aren't any other queer people involved in the making, so let's not just assume that only the hets were a part of this.

and check out the interviews by the crew - they have mentioned more than once that they showed this film to a LOT of queer people, showed the script to a lot of queer people too. the script consultant recently mentioned just how far the writers and directors went to keep it as sincere as possible. that doesn't sound like "rainbow capitalism to me". that doesn't sound like capitalizing off queer suffering.

i, for one, can see some sincere and genuine effort put in by people who are not even gay. we got a pride anthem, some solid gay-lesbian solidarity (#sumiandshardulbesties5ever), realistic queer romance, and several milestones in Indian cinema too, I think (I do not recall a blood test being portrayed as sensual in bollywood before OH MY GOD). i remember tearing up at sumi's father destroying her (and me) with the singular line: "mere ghar me hi kyu?" (why does it have to be at my home AKA why does it have to be my daughter?). i remember the joy of seeing a pride parade and my date bawling like a child watching sumi and rhimjhim run underneath the rainbow. i had to watch it more than once to fully understand the little details and the subtleties of the characters. some of my favourites are:

1. rhimjhim blowing kisses at shardul during the pride (hints at the start of the second half, when shardul blows her kisses)

2. guru giving such a fruity kick to shardul it melts my heart dkjsfji

3. not all members of the family are present in the last scene. taiji and sumi's mother are absent, another unnamed aunt, shardul's nieces, etc. but we see her brother, who was the one who called her a "pervert". character growth there and we dont need to get into how it happened. this is not about them, after all.

5. sumi wearing the red glasses to not let shardul's coworkers find out that she's a part of the parade.

6. the walkie-talkie during the scene with shardul's superior and his wife visiting them for tea is blaring about loud, barking dogs and the dialogues SEND ME.

7. kabir's text messages. you really need to pause to read them but they're so sus (i think he might be cheating? idk)

basically, it ages like an evergreen forest.

i didn't expect to walk into the theatre to watch an arthouse, indie film. at its core, what badhaai do has achieved is something phenomenal - it has retained what defines a bollywood movie while simultaneously portraying queer relationships as something not extraordinary or reserved for the "woke" segments of society. the characters aren't just their sexualities and sumi says it herself: "hissa hain, puri zindagi kaha hain." (trans: it's just a part of us, not our entire life.) shardul slaps his lover, kabir is an asshole, sumi decimates her partner's career, rhimjhim makes assumptions on shardul's sexuality, etc. it is bad enough that i have to sit through homophobes calling this as a disgusting film filled with obscene scenes, giving their low-iq opinions on why it's wrong. now i have to sit through seasoned, jaded queer individuals like me, give some of the worst reasons to cancel a film and call it problematic?

The characters are not pinnacles of perfection and I'm here for it. I don't want a cardboard vincian protagonist. some

of the reviewers clearly don't understand what nuance is and I'm okay with that. some of us who have grateful access to resources and inner pride meetings forget that there are those still in closet, those who still don't know that gender is a social construct. that we still live in a country which has some of the most homophobic outlooks. sure, homophobia was a concept popularized by the British, but are we really going to forget that there are scriptures dated BC that have specific laws for punishing lesbians? homophobia has been as rooted in our culture as the urge to search for a suitable groom for a girl the minute she comes of age (the number may change with each passing century, but does it really matter?).

those that go as far as the city's outskirts for a chance to live a life free from the heteronormative eye. there are also those who want a child as their own. what's so heteronormative about that? what's so heteronormative about wanting to be a mother? are we seriously going to nitpick on the littlest things? and let us not forget that guru isn't at all interested in the child. he states this himself and is hesitant to join Shardul until he is told that it is just to be by his side. the ending is not meant to be perfect. heck, I would go as far as to say that the true ending was when it was just Sumi and Shardul with the child. perhaps the filmmakers wanted to offer us a happy ending, or at least, a bittersweet one. and i will quote the director from his interview with PeepingMoon: "they never really come out of the closet. instead, the closet just gets bigger."

this is coming from someone still in the closet, living in a somewhat conservative society and still grasping with their own gender identity. my closet keeps getting bigger, with the recent addition of my mother to it. watching this movie encouraged me to come out to her and my mother to give some of most supportive words a queer child can hear. and for that, i cannot thank Badhaai Do and its makers enough for it.

[shititbe]

Anyway, HSM2 is about internalized homophobia, and no one can tell me otherwise.

High School Musical is one of the most beloved franchises in the world. Teenagers all over the world grew up watching Troy and Gabriella harmonize together. Three movies, and nearly a decade later it’s still beloved by all. The first film easily forgotten in the ashes of the early 2000’s, the third film stuck in a purgatorial limbo of the rather unfortunate late 2000’s. The second film on the other hand sticks out between the ruckus. 

The second High School Musical film takes place at Sharpay and Ryan’s family country club, during the summer between junior and senior year. The Wildcats are working summer jobs on the country club, often forced to the beck and call of Ryan and Sharpay themselves. Sharpay uses all her prestige to help Troy with college instead of starting at the bottom ( or rather, in the kitchen washing dishes) with his friends. In the time she’s helping Troy, she is also pushing her brother away; replacing him with Troy in their musical number for the talent show, and refusing to hang out with him in preference for Troy. Ryan becomes vengeful to his twin and starts hanging around the Wildcats in the kitchen. At first, he was met with some distasteful looks and words (most of which from Chad). With the help of Kelsey, and her neutral party, Ryan fits in smoothly with the other teenagers, eventually giving the WildCats all dance lessons.

 Throughout the movie, the main conflict continues to be the internal conflict of Troy Bolton. He debates over and over again if he should go through with Sharpay’s shenanigans, or if he wants to “listen to my own heart.”  This of course involves Gabriella, as she is Troy’s love interest. She’s not in the second film except for the beginning, then, where she leaves in the middle of the film - in order to create angst for Troy - then when she shows up again in the finally to sing/rejoin Troy. 

The conflict in the second film  is the combining of Troy’s two worlds. His first - his main world in the first movie, that hence became his secondary world - which is represented by Chad. Then his secondary world - which becomes his main world in this movie - which is represented by Ryan. Chad represents Troy’s masculinity, or his more idealized version of himself. Ryan represents Troy’s femininity or his current version of reality. These two worlds collide in the iconic song “I don’t dance”.  

Since this movie - and hence this scene - came out in the early 2000’s, a lot of the innuendoes went over people's heads. Luckily, as the children who watched this movie grew older and more experienced, and the world became more accepting, we’re able to see this song for what it is. 

Before getting into the lore and symbolism of the iconic “I Don’t Dance” sequence, context is needed. For most of human history, homosexuality was seen as a sin in all places except ancient times (see: Greece and Japan). The modern age is the most accepting on all fronts, such as sexual orientation, race, and religion. In the early 2000’s, High School Musical director Kenny Ortega was not publicialy out yet. He wouldn’t be till 2014. 

Originally, while writing this, my first thought was  that Kenny - the director - would be using Troy as a y/n type character to project his insecurities and struggles with masculinity, and what that means in defining his orientation and societal views that would be placed upon him. Then, it came to me later that this is in fact not the case, Troy (and Gabriella - who is in fact a y/n character for the female audience) is more of a character for a man of his time, confused with his own ideals of masculinity and the views of society because, “oh god, I can’t like theater/drama because only queer people and girls like it!” The second point is pushed further with the Troy and Sharpay sub-plot. Sharpay tries to further Troy’s career as a basketball player, though that’s not what he wants anymore, and Troy is no longer sure if that is what he ever wanted to begin with (enter the song “Bet on it” and the hilarious meme “no dad, I’m giving up on your dream”). 

Keeping these things in mind - Kenney’s queerness, and Troy’s struggle to realize you can in fact sing and be a heterosexual, wow, revolutionary - it became clear to me that Kenney’s y/n characters were Ryan and Chad. 

For those who aren’t into the arts, or find them too difficult after a singular attempt thinking they could write a world class novel on the first go, let me be the first to tell you every author has a y/n character. First, for those who don’t know what y/n stands for, it’s a popular fanfiction trope where a writer will write a story about a character dating, being friends, and so on, with the reader. The y/n stands for “your name” so anyone can be the main character in this story at any time. For a writer of mainstream fictional work, such as High School Musical, Game Of Thrones, Lord Of The Rings, Pride and Prejudice, Harry Potter, Hunger Games, even most comics. Now, most writers or directors aren’t going to be as obvious as having a character not named (or named y/n) or even named Jane (looking at you Jane Austin), the y/n character of many mainstream authors/directors/comic artists and so on is usually the character they feel or have given the most attributes similar to themselves. 

It’s the same reason people have favourite characters. You see a fictional character and you either 1. Want to Bob the Builder them, 2. Some sort of weird sex thing, or 3. See more/the most of yourself in this character. Number three - thankfully - is usually the main reason. Some people just create their own favourite characters. An even easier way to think about this, is just projection baby, that’s psych 101.   

Before I went off on a small tangent of fictional works and how human emotion plays into creating them (except anything Disney has made in the past decade, and no you can’t change my mind on that) I mentioned that Chad and Ryan are Kenney’s y/n characters. As a queer person myself, it’s clear for me to see the different struggles each of these characters face and how these reflect the queer experience. 

So, let’s finally get into it. 

Ryan, without it being explicitly said is clearly a character of what people in the early 2000s think a gay man is. He is effeminate, wearing bright coloured outfits with lots of accessories - namely his signature hats - he is also in the theater department doing musicals, and passive/subservient to any of his twin sisters' wills. Yes, now we know gay men aren’t just feminized men, but in the early 2000’s a gay man who can do "masculine" things like change their car oil, like sports, and so on, break the "effeminate" stereotype thus confused many cishet people. Sharpay is painted as more confident - or, for sake of comparability - masculine to her twin in the first movie, and most of the second movie. Making Ryan a bit of her dog who would do anything to get by - painting Ryan as lesser than human, once more, playing into the homophobia of the early 2000's.     

Despite the clear stereotypes playing into his character, Ryan is consistently one of the most confident characters in the movie. The other, being his sister of course. This confidence in himself is what gravitates the other characters towards him, either by being intimidated (Troy, thinking Ryan and Gabriella were a thing), or admiration (Chad, by the end of “I don’t dance”). 

Chad, on the other hand, is a whole different ball game. While he is confident in the first movie, and the first portion of the second movie, he begins to break more and more when Ryan becomes a more integral part of the Wildcat group. To keep in mind, Chad is also the most vocal about his distaste for Troy’s artistic past-time. When the other Wildcats join Ryan and begin learning how to dance for the talent show at the end of the movie, Chad is also the most vocal about his distaste. The baseball game where “I don’t dance” takes place, is the climax of Chad’s arc and his turn towards acceptance to Ryan/Troy’s hobbies. 

Of course, there is more to the “I don’t dance” sequence than just Chad’s realization - the exact one Troy comes to terms with in the second movie as well - of “oh my god I don’t have to be gay to enjoy stereotypical ‘feminine’ things.” That is the main part of the song though, that and all the sexual tension. 

Going back to what I’ve stated previously, Chad and Ryan are Kenney’s projection or y/n characters. Let me do a small recap before we get into the nitty gritty of the famous “I don’t dance” video. 

Thinking back to the first few paragraphs, I stated that Kenney wasn’t publicly out till 2014, about 7 years after the second movie came out. This could be due to the fact that a) it’s the early 2000’s and everyones still very homophobic, or b) self-doubt that comes with the queer experience. The most likely reason is a mixture of both of these. Because of this, Ryan is the more self-assured version, or idealized version of Kenney that he wants to be. Ryan is confident, never being swayed about his lifestyle (could be read as: sexuality) even though Chad - and most of the wildcats in the first movie - put him through relentless “teasing” and humiliation. He’s confident, almost to a fault, he’s sure of himself, and yet still reaches out a hand to Chad and the other wildcats to show them that they’re just being, kinda dick-ish. 

Every queer person wants to be Ryan. Despite his heavily stereotyped characterization, I personally believe he is one of the stronger written characters in the movies, mainly due to Kenney putting the time in to really make Ryan feel like a real person, to give himself some sort of relief of his own anxieties, a chance to see the world through a person who truly has no fear. Unlike Kenney himself. 

This is where Chad comes in. 

Chad is seen as “confident” in the first movie, the second Troy “leaves” basketball though, all that confidence comes crashing down. His best friend has another hobby - one he thinks is “not right” (it’s okay, you can say gay), - they wont be spending all their time together (first, can you say dependent relationship much, yikes).Chad’s defining characteristic up until their fight that instigate act three of the second movie, is being Troy’s best friend. I’m going to take this as if this were truly the case, and not a decently written character arch. Some people base themselves around their friends and their whole identity on being a friend, that they lose sight of themselves, this mainly in high school of course, when your whole world is really nothing but school, and friends. Newly developed independence is there, but that’s scary, so instead of worrying about the future, cling to something that’s reliable. I’ve seen this happen, mainly at the end of high school, when the “real world” is coming a bit too close for comfort. This could generally be the case if a person is lonely, but for timeline sake I’m going to say Chad has got some anxiety about graduating (considering the second movie takes place the summer of junior year). 

His lashing out at Troy’s hobbies and at Troy’s neglectful friendship, make more sense with that background, and are seen more in the second movie where Troy begins spending all his spare time with Sharpay (trying to collect that BAG!). Chad - and others (read: father) - insists that music is not a feasible career option, and Troy should just stick with basketball (like...that is a feasible career option). The tension Chad creates in the studio only grows when the other wildcats decide to take up Ryan’s offer for dance lessons and move from the kitchen, to helping out with the talent show. (Next essay idea: how high school musical two was really about class all along, cause Jesus). 

 Chad is the less obvious option for a y/n character. Though again, the 2000’s were not as cool people like to pretend they are. Chad - for Kenney - represents what he actually feels, this fear of being rejected for how he is and how he chooses to live his life/lifestyle, so he sticks to something reliable. Ryan is new, and exciting, and confident in a way that Kenney/Chad wish they could be, but in order for that to happen they need to understand that maybe people are complex creatures, and can enjoy multiple hobbies (aka: the same lesson Troy is teaching the viewers, but far less boring). But, for Kenney/Chad facing that thought and that realization is scary, and thus, they lash out at anyone (read this paragraph as: Chad mad jealous of Ryan cause Ryan bomb as fuck). 

All this build up, finally comes ahead in the employee baseball match 

                                                       ******

The baseball game is probably the most memorable scene in the whole High School Musical franchise (minus Sharpay’s “Fabulous” solo, but that’s also from the same movie, and it’s kinda rude to give what’s already the best more points); the tension in the scene, and what it implies makes it the best written segment of all three movies, let alone the most entertaining. 

Some things to keep in mind from our background information: Chad is missing his bestie and struggling with what being “masculine” really means for him and others. Ryan of course makes this confusing, because the traditional method is being thrown out the window. In short, Chad has internalized homophobia, and Ryan being open - or as open as Disney would let him - is causing all sorts of problems. 

Despite the song, “I don’t dance” being logged into our collective skulls for all eternity (you’re probably humming it right now, sorry about that), the very brief interaction of Ryan and Chad before the game is lost on the public consciousness. The two are clearly comfortable with each other, though the distaste seems to be on Chad’s side more than Ryans. So, the two start playfully jabbing at each other before deciding to do a bat toss to see who will be in the outfield first. 

Before they begin the bat toss, Ryan says “You don’t think dancing takes some game?” Chad then very clearly checks him out, doing a simple but effective ‘drag-your-eyes-over-them-top-to-bottom-then-smile’ and says “you got game?” (Seen in gif below) 

I don’t know how much you know about sex metaphors and how many of those baseball has in it (seriously though, it’s a lot), but with the bat toss, Ryan’s hand ended up on top, and Chad’s under Ryan’s. Let’s ignore this for now, it’ll be implied again later. Ryan’s team starts out in the outfield because he won the bat toss, and hence, the song officially starts. 

The first lyrics (ignoring the chores of “hey batter batter, hey batter batter, swing”) is 

I'll show you that it's one and the same

Baseball, dancing, same game

It's easy

Step up to the place, start swingin  

This part is sung by Ryan, who is taunting Chad out in the outfield. Before the game, as stated, Chad was taunting Ryan about his lack of “game” (both sexual and not sexual metaphor are implied), and now, Ryan has turned those tables around. Baseball - is seen as more masculine than dancing, not as masculine as football or basketball, but it’s up there. Chad is someone who cares about his masculinity, enough to the point that Ryan playing baseball makes him loose his mind. Makes him question his own personal definition of masculinity, if you will. 

Ryan says, “baseball, dancing, same game,” impyling that, to him, baseball and dancing are one and the same. That is baffling to Chad, cause well, how can something meant for girls even be close to something meant for boys. 

Chad comes back with: 

 I wanna play ball now, and that's all

This is what I do

It ain't no dance that you can show me, yeah

This only proves my previous point. 

I had a conversation with myself about this, and I’ve decided not to include it in this essay, but a second essay may or may not be possible. Basically the premise - the dancing/”musical” moments of High School Musical are conjured up images by those meant to see them (ie: like a visual hallucination, but, not really) but this scene kinda poo-poos that idea. 

Now, the thing I am talking about is Ryan and Chad’s  peacocking at each other during the time they sing these lyrics. The movements they’re making could be mistaken for dancing - as we automatically assume it is because of the title and themes of the movie - or it could be them just getting ready for the baseball game. Ryan swings his leg over the pitcher's mound, tossing the ball up and down into his glove, making wavy hand gestures, etc. Chad brushes off his gloves, swings his legs, hits the bat on each foot, and so on. 

For the peacocking, Chad makes a mock of the ballerina foot stance before strutting over to the home plate. Ryan laughs at this, which earns quite the smirk from Chad himself (see gif below). 

This is when it becomes a conversation.   

You'll never know - R

Oh I know - Ch

If you never try - R

There's just one little thing - Ch

That stops me every time, yeah - Ch

Come on - Ch

When Chad says “Come on” it’s when Ryan throws the baseball at him, starting the game, and giving Chad’s team their first strike of the game (get it, it’s funny). Now, obviously we need to talk about the “there’s just one little thing that stops me every time.” As a queer person, I assure you, two of the things that kept me from living my Best Life were 1) my own ignorance of what asexuality was and 2) the fear that everyone I love would hate me for who I am, and what I have no control over. 

Sorry to get deep like that on main, but, can any other queer person say different? Obviously, your first point may differ, but my point still stands. In the video/scene there is a very short moment (to which I have condensed into a gif for you all, you’re welcome, and I’m sorry about the quality in advance), of the camera moving over to Chad’s team (or his friends in this case since it’s an employee baseball game) as he says this line (gif below). 

I will not be explaining the use of subtly in this essay, but I’m sure you get the metaphor Kenney is trying to use. If not, let me spell it out for you in very simple words. This song has a lot of sexual innuendos (as mentioned pervious with the baseball bat scene and still, more to come), with that in mind, and clearly queer themes at play (as mentioned before, again), this scene only shows Chad isn’t as straight as he leads on. His fear/phobia of Ryan/the arts come from a much deeper place. 

In shorter, and much simpler terms: Chad queer. 

But, let’s get back to the boy's conversation. 

I don't dance - Ch

I know you can - R 

Not a chance, no - Ch 

If I could do this, well, you could do that - R 

Translation: “If I can do this weird, sweaty, dirty, Male thing without blowing a fuse, you can and should be able to dance just fine.” 

But I don't dance - Ch 

Hit it out of the park - Both 

I don't dance - Ch

I say you can - R

There's not a chance, oh - Ch

Slide home, you score, swingin on the dance floor - Both

I don't dance, no - Ch  (This is just the chores, you’ll see it multiple times throughout the essay, I just figured if the song is going to be in your head, go all the way right). 

Two-steppin, now you're up to bat - R

Bases loaded, do your dance - R 

Here we are with the baseball metaphors you’ve all been waiting for ladies and gentlemen. Girls, gays, and non-binary pals. For those who have somehow managed a sheltered existence with access to the internet, lemme help you. Ryan is talking about “loaded bases” both in the context of the game (where it shows each base has one person from Chad’s team on them) and in the term of sex. While you go out there dating - while it’s mostly douche bags and people using it ironically - your nosey friends may ask you how far you got. 

“First, second, or third base?” They may ask. Or something like, “oh wow, did you get to home plate/base?” These are simply the rankings of the stages of a sexual relationship. First - kissing, sometimes just handholding, Second - making out, some light groping, Third - full on groping, no clothes come off, but it gets close. While each person has different boundaries, these are the general accepted definitions for the bases. 

Home base is obviously full blown sexual intercourse. Since Chad has his “bases loaded” it means he’s done all these things before, just never gone completely to sexual intercourse with someone - in the terms of the song and the history we’ve already established, it’s most likely a male character. This is only proven by Chad’s uncomfortable nature towards Ryan (internalized Homophobia, thank you, returning theme) but his easy, and cocky personality towards everyone else. “bUt thAt DoEsnT pRovE” hush, that’s the final cherry on top. Remember this conversation. 

It's easy - R  

Again. Previous points have been made.  

Take your best shot, just hit it - Ch 

I've got what it takes, playin my game - Ch

So you better spin that pitch - Ch 

You're gonna throw me, yeah - Ch 

I'll show you how I swing - Ch

Ah, the famous “I’ll show you how i swing” a very strong baseball metaphor for everyone. Keeps queer people from defining themselves to dangerous (straight) people, and, well, that’s it actually. This term is mostly used by bi/pan people, though if you want to stay in the closet or are in a dangerous place, it is also used to subtly tell other queer people you are in fact, not straight. My favourite is when this term came into play when President Buchanan got elected in 1856 (for those that don’t know, he’s the first and only gay president). 

You'll never know - R

Oh I know - Ch

If you never try - R 

There's just one little thing - Ch

That stops me every time, yeah - Ch 

This is again, the same lyric as before it doesn’t pan, and the tone is much different. The camera stays on Chad as he says this line, meaning he’s reflecting, he is now his own problem, the person that is keeping him back. His friends are not on his mind anymore, which is good, Ryan’s Gay Propaganda has been working. 

Come on - Ch

I don't dance - Ch

I know you can - R

Not a chance, no, no - Ch

If I could do this, well, you could do that - R

But I don't dance - Ch

Hit it out of the park - R

I don't dance - Ch

I say you can - R

There's not a chance, oh no - Ch

Slide home, you score, swingin on the dance floor - Both 

I don't dance, no - Ch

Lean back, tuck it in, take a chance - R

Swing it out, spin around, do the dance - R

I wanna play ball, not dance hall - Ch

I'm makin a triple, not a curtain cal - Chl

I can prove it to you til you know it's true - R

'Cause I can swing it, I can bring it to the diamond too - R

You're talkin a lot, show me what you got - Ch

Again, like the beginning of this song, this is a heavy base for flirting and sexual tension, which this song is drowning in. 

Stop swinging - both

Hey - both

This is the part where they all start a flash mob in the middle of the baseball diamond. Again, alluding to the conversation I had to myself earlier, this only proves my own theory as no one takes notice of this. But, that’s not this essay, this is where I mention how close Chad and Ryan are at the end of the group dance.  

Come on, swing it like this - both

Oh, swing - both

Jitterbug, just like that - both

That's what I mean, that's how you swing - both

You make a good pitch but I don't believe - both 

Here is yet another (and the final) sexual innuendo. This is actually a rather quick one. Pitching in queer culture is considered the person who tops (because queer people even had to straight-ify their sex lives to “top” and “bottom”), this is the person who is giving, if you know what I’m saying. 

I say you can - R

I know I can't - Ch

I don't dance - Ch

You can do it - R

I don't dance, no - Ch 

 Here is where that mosh pit ends, and how they get a little too close to comfort. 

Nothing to it, atta boy, atta boy, yeah - both

The rest of this song is simply a mash-up of the baseball game being finished, and this lovely gem. 

Now, clearly, Chad’s self conscious nature towards his sexuality is gone, he��s sitting close - if not squishing - Ryan, and talking to him like they’ve been friends forever. Take note of the change of close, most likely due to all the tension at the end of the song, and maybe a little of Chad’s own natural human curiosity built in. Now, I leave you with this note: 

If there is anything that confirms all this more, its Chad’s girlfriend wearing the pride colours. 

Also note: this could also be seen as a friend helping his bro discover his sexuality and fighting internalized homophobia, but, that’s ignoring the sexual tension, so go off I guess. 

Thank you for coming to my TED talk.  

Watch the full thing here

[wooteena]

technoblade speedrunning adopting ranboo (high school edition): the fanfic

also on ao3!

hey remember this post? well i got so attatched and impatient that i wrote over 1k words for a pilot type chapter for it <3

chapter one: officer in my defense i punched that guy because he deserves it

-

Techno Blade-Minecraft would call himself smart. He got good grades without trying, learned second, then third languages with ease, read textbooks for fun, etcetera etcetera. Wisdom without experience was a rare thing to possess, especially in a high school senior but techno had it tight in his grasp, easily making him a ‘Model Student’. He understood he got unneeded attention from that, which sucked, but it was an easy trade-off to be the automatic teacher’s favourite.

But Techno was a man of wisdom, not a man of sense. So naturally, he remembered a fact about baby birds he learnt when he was six years old:

‘Classical "imprinting", as seen with for example, ducks or geese, means that the animal's instinctive programming says "the first big animal you see after hatching is your mom, follow them and look to her for food, warmth, love and learning’

Actually, Techno decided he was the man of Most Sense because at that very moment, the tallest, yet somehow weakest looking freshmen he’d ever seen was being cornered by a group of hefty looking seniors.

And the baby bird, with its innocent, scared eyes was looking right at him.

He looked around the hallway, a desperate scan for other students he could push his growing parental responsibility on to. It was a ghost town, as empty as the remakes of towns from the old west he saw on childhood school excursions.

‘Fuuuuuuuuuuck.’

Technoblade took a deep breath in through his nose, then released it out of his mouth like if he breathed hard enough, his empathy could be taken away with the non existent wind in the soul-crushing grey hallways. It obviously didn’t work because Jesus Christ that kid looked helpless.

As quickly as one could without compromising a freshmen’s still intact nose, Techno examined the seniors. They all wore the school football team’s letterman jacket (‘what is this, Heathers?’), a classic pointer for internalized insecurity, toxic masculinity and most importantly unrightfully self diagnosed Strong Guy syndrome, which meant that they definitely were only beating up a freshmen because that was the most they could actually fight. One point to Technoblade. They also were all at least a solid five inches shorter than him, which Techno would have laughed at if the situation wasn’t so dire. Point two for Technoblade.

Catching himself before letting his wandering mind think up a full five paragraph M.L.A sighted essay to why he could crush these nerds, he decided that two points was enough leverage to still crush these nerds, but with slightly less confidence.

With as much patience as he could, he slowly walked up to the group like a silent lion hunting his soon to be, very dead* (maybe not dead, *slightly bruised) prey. The baby bird, trapped in one of his prey’s chokehold, stared at him like he was a madman. Techno’s objective changed: knock out the dickhead choking a kid.

They stood in a corner, the choker in the middle, the other two blocking off the only escapes and laughing cruelly at the baby bird. Completely distracted.

Techno curled his fist, aiming to punch that asshole’s teeth in or at least break his nose. He starts to run, about five feet away from his target and oh god this is a terrible idea he does fencing not hand to ha-

BAM.

Choker’s nose made a resounding crack and fell back onto the jock on the left. Probably because it’d be ‘too gay’, or whatever, the guy sidesteps and lets a knocked out, nose broken, probably popular kid by comparing his ego to the size of his dick, fall onto the ground

The two awake bullies look between their knocked out friend, then at Techno, then at each other.

“MISS NIIIIHACHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!”

Techno knew they’d call a teacher because they’re cowards but really? Nihachu?

That lady is TERRIFYING what did he do to deserve this.

He let out a long, disappointed ‘bruh’ before with a jolt, remembering the whole reason he punched that jock in the first.

The child.

He doesn’t bother trying to pick up him up because holy hell he’s tall, but pulls one of the kid’s arms over his shoulder, and with his other arm holds their waist and sprints as fast as he can down the hall.

“What the…” murmurs the half dead lump on his back, and while Techno’s surprised his vocal chords aren’t dead? Not even a ‘thank you’? Techno thinks he should start doing charity work at this point.

He continues to run though, because he’s a generous soul, until slowing to open a door that opens the blinding sunlight of the free world outside their prison.

Despite himself, Techno lets his mouth slip into a big enough smile that actually shows his teeth because he just did that. His celebratory moment is cut off though, because the weight on his back suddenly felt even heavier and-

Oh my God the baby bird just fell asleep on me.

Am I a father now?

What do I tell Phil? Does this make him a grandfather?

I can’t just take him home.

What’s stopping you?

Oh my God, I’m a genius.

Techno may be a proclaimed genius, but he is not immune to the inherent propaganda of cute children, so he sets down the kid on the least grimey part of a battered metal bench to get his first proper look at the sleeping giant.

Apart from his injuries (a bleeding nose, bruises forming on his arms, a black eye and a red handprint on his neck) the kid looked… Weird. Techno had subconsciously noticed it while carrying him, but only now the complete oddity of him. His skin from the jaw down was a uniform, warm, dark brown, which was decidedly normal, but his face was… different. Not ugly, no, he looked average, if not perpetually awkward, even in his sleep. The right side of his face was a similar, if not slightly darker tone than the rest of his skin, but where it got weird weird was from the middle of his face and leftward, his face was pale. As pale as Techno, which is saying something because Techno himself has albinism; he has no melanin in his skin.

He found himself sympathizing for the kid again. Techno himself got bullied for his reddish eyes - a symptom of his albinism, and his naturally stark-white skin and hair. It got to the point that he dyed his hair pink, which decidedly made it worse because a guy dying his hair pink ? apparently high school treason to both students and the school rules. His bullies had a colourful range of insults, at least; Techno’s personal favourites being from after he died his hair: homophobic slurs. The teachers had constant complaints and even a couple suspensions, which didn’t stop Techno, obviously. What a wonder public school is.

So yes, Techno understood the baby bird, because despite Techno’s only weakness being himself (and apparently non-threatening freshmen?) as of now, it wasn’t like he came out of the womb a scary pink haired senior. He knew bullying like the hair dye aisle at his local department store.

He knew that helping the kid would make him more attached to the point of no return, but he’d accepted it. It felt like feeding a wild animal more food after making the mistake the first time, it’s not like it’ll get less annoying to have it following you around.

The moment Techno processed his own thought, his face blanched - somehow getting whiter despite literally being the textbook definition of a white boy.

He’d fallen into the ‘senior adopting a defenseless freshmen’ trap.

Shit.

Even more embarrassingly, this didn't deter Techno from pulling his first aid kit, for once his anxious over-packing doing some good.

-

acording to tumblr statistics, only a small percentage of people who like the post actually reblog it. so if you liked it, give it a reblog! it takes five seconds and you can always delete the reblog later.

[vrishchikawrites]

LAN XICHEN AND JIANG CHENG:

JC stans want Jiang Cheng to end up with Lan Xichen because he is the First Jade of Lan, while Lan Wangji, who is Wei Wuxian’s husband, is only Second. For once in his miserable life, Jiang Cheng will get the better end of the deal than Wei Wuxian, right? But the thing is, as far as the narrative goes, nobody can beat Hanguang-jun other than Wei Wuxian- his own brother included. We are repeatedly given evidence that Lan Wangji is stronger than Lan Xichen, is more of an expert at the guqin than Lan Xichen, is more skilled in Clan Techniques than Lan Xichen, is more righteous than Lan Xichen, etc. etc. Nobody but Lan Wangji could have survived the 33 whip lashes, fought 33 well-trained Elders while also protecting his dying beloved, undertaken dangerous night hunts in desolate areas with no expectations of repayment, and end up Hanguang-jun. When one hears of the name ‘Lan’, one thinks of Hanguang-jun, Lan Wangji, the Second Jade of Lan, and then, Lan Xichen, his brother, the First Jade. Lan Wangji did have more freedom than Lan Xichen, but it is not that much more, and thus we can attribute his values and his morals as his own. Where does Xicheng come in? We know that Jiang Cheng does not care about pesky qualities such as honour or integrity, to say nothing of his homophobic tendencies, but if he were to become a “disgusting” cut-sleeve, he would not settle for anything but the best, which Lan Xichen is not. Jiang Cheng is also extremely jealous and vindicative, easy to offend and anger, and can absolutely never handle being below anyone. Lan Xichen might not be as talented as his brother, but he is still leagues better than the “Wielder Of His Own Damn Sword”, Jiang-Zhongzu. They would not mesh well together. But we know all this. Let us talk about Lan Xichen. Rulers should be good to their people and their primary strength should lie in being able to detach themselves from their personal feelings in kingdom-related matters and take a professional approach. In the book’s context, a Sect Leader should be cold and practical in the matters involving the Sect. Jiang Fengmian fails to do this with his wife, and ends up getting most of his Sect killed due to his cowardice. Lan Xichen does this with A-Yao. As Sect Leader, Lan Xichen’s warmth causes less diplomatic incidents, since he is good with pacifying and mollifying prickly Sect Heads, but he can be easily swayed by weakness, real or feigned, and such beliefs work to his disadvantage. One more thing I would like to point out is that Lan Wangji, after losing the love of his life and being whipped 33 times (with a Spiritual Weapon) for treason, only remained in seclusion long enough to heal his body. If he could function in such a painful situation, all the while caring for an orphaned child and watching his brother happily interact with the person most responsible for, why could not Lan Xichen? He wasn’t even physically impaired! Oh boo-hoo, my most trusted friend of 20 years betrayed me and killed my Sworn Brother? Yes! Yes, he did, and it was a most traumatising thing to do, but he did not do it without your own help and encouragement! It is not Lan Xichen’s fault for being taken by a Master Manipulator, of course, but it is his fault for being passive and taking the easy way out 2/3 times in order not to upset his Sworn Brothers and the rest of the elitist Cultivation World! There are metas that state that once Lan Xichen is given confirmation of ill-will and misdeeds, he does not hesitate to choose the path of righteousness and conviction, but it is the time that he takes to obtain such confirmations is what irks me. He makes no moves of his own, does not go out of his way to investigate events he himself was suspicious about until his brother encourages (read: forces by showing unignorable evidence) him to, and spends most of his time after the Siege sitting on his hands (other than rebuilding his Sect, I will give him that) and entertaining A-Yao! *Sigh* This is quite a cruel take on him, and if we view him through the same lens we do

our favourite characters many of his faults will fizzle out quickly, but I just think he should not be let off as scott-free as he currently is being let. If I have misunderstood something, or mentioned anything wrong, please do not hesitate to correct me! It will help with my understanding of his character and help me write better fics.

Dee - This was a submission not an ask - my reply under the cut off

I try not to say much about LXC and maintain a neutral POV on him because he is, from what I read in the novel, a good character. Not perfect and certainly not as wise as he's often made out to be, but good. Honestly, to me he comes across as someone who is somewhat naive, unaware of his own prejudices, but willing to pursue the truth when prompted. He also seems to be a bit stubborn and is very confident in his own judgment. I believe all of that can be attributed to the fact that he's a Sect Heir and a Sect Leader later. He needs to have that solid belief in his judgment to lead.

To me, LWJ and LXC present interesting parallels. Both loved (platonic in LXC's case, love is love) people from lower social classes, both were confronted with somewhat unsavory characteristics. The parallels are very striking, tbh.

LWJ loved a morally strong man - LXC loved a morally weak one.

LWJ's love for WWX enlightened him - LXC's love for JGY blinded him.

LWJ took WWX to task on every mistake - LXC covered up or made excuses for JGY's red flags.

WWX's taught LWJ to challenge and question everything - JGY taught LXC to trust blindly and accept excuses.

LWJ learned to fight, even if it meant disrupting peace - LXC learned to look the other way in order to maintain peace.

It wasn't until LXC was pushed by LWJ and WWX that he took action but he still took action. Arguably, it would've been just as painful for LXC to suspect JGY as it would've been LWJ to suspect WWX. When you love someone and their character sinks to the gutter, the hurt is immeasurable. It is nearly the worst betrayal you can face. I don't blame LXC for wanting to avoid it.

Also, LXC had a lot of reasons to act the way he did. As readers, we have the benefit of hindsight but when people are confronted with difficult situations and insufficient information, they act differently. So yeah, it is a bit dissatisfying that he doesn't get called out for some of this foolishness, but honestly, it is a minor thing.

As for LXC and JC, I agree. It is definitely a way to one-up WWX with the 'better' Lan. We don't really know how skilled LXC is and how he can stand against LWJ or WWX. I'm rather certain he's stronger than JC at any rate. JGY was able to fight and defeat JC but he had to trick both LXC and LWJ into sealing their powers. His cultivation is strong. He's just not as sharp and intelligent as LWJ and WWX are but they're exceptional.

[jaskierswolf]

Please and thank

My soulmate everyone 🤣 Have some smutty Geraskier. It's not long but it's going undercut! Thanks to @kuripon

CW: Exhibitionism, mentions of homophobia, anal sex, butt plugs.

______

Jaskier squirmed in his seat. The butt plug was larger than the ones he was used to but they wouldn’t have any time to prep today, and Geralt’s cock wasn’t exactly small. His boyfriend was currently finishing his weather segment and then a video would play to introduce Jaskier’s entertainment segment… then it was go time. It was petty, and Jaskier would probably never work in the industry again, but the industry was flawed and homophobic. Hiding their relationship was exhausting, and Jaskier wasn’t even allowed to wear his favourite rainbow waistcoat on set. He was leading the entertainment section, for Lillit's sake.

He sighed, resting his hand on his chin as he watched Geralt work. Despite everything, he didn’t regret working for Stregobor Broadcasting Company. He would never have met the love of his life if he hadn’t taken the job but now it was time to quit… in style.

“And as you can see,” Geralt gestured to the green screen behind him and smirked, gearing up to say his signature line that had gone viral a few years prior. He didn’t say it often anymore as a result but this was their last hurrah. “Winds howling.”

Geralt chuckled quietly, before shaking his head and saying goodnight. As soon as the camera was off, Geralt came over to Jaskier and pulled him into a heated kiss. They’d timed this over and over again, and they had about thirty seconds before Jaskier’s camera went live.

Neither of them particularly wanted their cocks on display, they did have to think about the children that might be watching but it would be more than obvious what they were doing. Jaskier hastily unbuttoned his slacks as Geralt pushed him back onto the sofa, angling his body so they could keep as much of their dignity as possible, then they both reached for the plug. It came free without too much resistance but Jaskier still couldn’t contain the moan that fell from his lips. Already he felt so empty after being full for hours, but he didn’t have time to complain as Geralt pushed into him with a grunt.

And then Jaskier heard their director called out as the camera went live.

Millions of people all around the Continent were watching him get railed on live TV by his boyfriend. He moaned at the thought, surprised by the rush of arousal that went through him. His head rolled back and hit the sofa, then he turned and winked at the camera.

“Ah, hello... didn’t see you there,” he gasped out, the words breaking off into a curse as Geralt hit his prostate and he had to bite his lip to keep from crying out. “I- fuck… just wanted to say I’m queer as fuck!”

“Jask,” Geralt grunted, crashing their lips together in a kiss.

Distantly, Jaskier could hear Tissaia yelling for the cameras to cut off, and a cacophony of noise as the whole set fell into pandemonium, but he didn’t care. He really really didn’t care. This was the most thrilling thing that he had ever done, and he was giddy off the adrenaline. A giggle escaped his lips as he reached up to brush Geralt’s hair off his face.

Geralt raised his eyebrow but there was a faint smile on his lips. Their entire life was crashing down around them but they were both having the time of their lives.

Jaskier winked and then turned back to the camera, the red light remarkably still flickering. “Say it loud! I’m fucking the weatherman on live television and proud!”

He pulled Geralt down into another kiss until they were forced apart by security, and locked into Tissaia’s office.

Yeah, they were in deep shit for the stunt.

But it was so worth it.