#my team MUST be aesthetically pleasing

[bogkeep]

did another Important Clock Exam today! the test says 'gear train' but it sure requires you to service a whole mechanical watch. i think i did well, like definitely good enough to pass unless i did a huge oversight - the problem is that i apparently did REALLY well on the practice run of the exam, teacher telling me he's proud of me and everything, and it's like. well now i need to replicate that success. now i have to SURPASS my success. now i'm hungry for a GOOD and IMPRESSIVE result and not just passing!!!!!

[beautification-tales]

The Talk Show

Gina, a tomboyish skater with a baseball cap and baggy clothes, was sitting on the hood of her beat-up car when she received the call. The producer of a new talk show about sports had seen her shred the halfpipe at the local skate comp and wanted her on the show. She didn't hesitate; the chance to be on TV and showcase her skills was too good to pass up. So, here she was, waiting in the green room of the studio, her heart racing and her knuckles white from gripping her skateboard so tightly.

The door opened, revealing a tall, stylish woman with a perfectly coiffed bob and designer clothes. It was Karen, the producer. Gina stood up, wiping her sweaty palms on her jeans. "You must be Gina," Karen said, offering her hand. "I'm Karen. I've been looking forward to meeting you. We're going to have a blast on this show."

As they walked down the hall, Karen explained that the first order of business was to get Gina ready for her debut on the show. They entered a luxurious dressing room, where a team of hair and makeup artists were waiting. Gina felt a little uneasy as they started to fuss over her, but Karen assured her that it was all part of the process. They sat her down in front of a mirror and began to apply foundation, concealer, and blush to her normally bare face. Then they brushed on some mascara and lip gloss. Gina couldn't help but feel a little self-conscious, but she trusted Karen's judgment. They fixed her hair by taking it out of the hat and styling it so that it fell upon her shoulders and covered her forehead.

Once they were done, Karen led her to another room where a stylist showed her the wardrobe she was to wear. It was a form-fitting, black dress, shiny sheer black pantyhose and louboutin black stilettos. “Wait, why do you want me to put this on? What does this have to do with skating? I can't skate in heels, that's just stupid," Gina protested. Karen smiled reassuringly and said, "Trust me, this is all part of the show's aesthetic. It's not just about your skating skills, it's about your entire image. You're going to look amazing and turn heads. Now put it on, we don't want to keep the crew waiting."

Despite her misgivings, Gina put on the dress and heels. As she stood up, she felt self-conscious and unsteady in the high heels. Karen, noticing this, laughed and said, “You look amazing Gina. Trust me this is how we get viewers hooked. Once they're hooked they will listen to every word you say.” Gina was still skeptical but she followed Karen out of the room and onto the set. “Oh one last thing, let's have you wear this necklace too.” Karen said as she handed her a gold chain with a tiny skateboard charm. Gina reluctantly put it on and it felt warm on her skin. Immediately she felt a bit better as her posture straightened. She thought she was imagining things but it was like her breasts felt heavier. She looked back and admired her ass. “Hmm my training has been paying off.” She said to herself.

As they walked onto the set, Gina couldn't help but feel like a fish out of water. The bright lights, the cameras, and the excited chatter of the crew made her heart race even faster. Karen led her to a comfortable chair where she could wait for her cue. As she sat there, Gina glanced down at the skateboard charm around her neck and tried to remind herself why she had agreed to do this in the first place. She took a deep breath and tried to relax.

She listened to the host begin to speak, his voice booming through the studio. The audience laughed at something the host said, and Gina felt a pang of nervousness. "And now," the host continued, "let's bring out our special guest for today's show! Everyone, please give a warm welcome to Gina, the tomboy skater who's taking the skate park scene by storm!"

Gina's heart leapt into her throat as she heard her introduction. She forced herself to stand up and walk towards the center of the stage. The lights were so bright she could hardly see the audience. The heels clicked on the floor as she was surprised how well she walked in them now. As she stood there, the host flashed her a winning smile and embraced her with a slight hug. He led her to her seat as she sat down."So, Gina, tell us a little bit about yourself," he said, his voice smooth and charismatic.

She took a deep breath and tried to steady her nerves. "Well, I've been skating for most of my life," she began, her voice not as shaky as she'd expected. "I started in a local park with my friends, and I just fell in love with it. I mean, there's nothing like the feeling of flying through the air, spinning and flipping on my board. It's just...freeing." The audience laughed at her enthusiasm, and she felt a tiny bit more at ease.

Gina crossed her legs as she felt a bolt of electricity shoot through her body. It felt so good as she squeezed her legs together. “So Gina you really clean up nicely for a tomboy” the host said with a grin. Gina blushed as she realized he was flirting with her. “Well I’m usually wearing sneakers but I had to look my best for you Craig” she replied playfully. The audience laughed and cheered as they were enjoying the banter between the two of them. “Hey now! Careful or I might have to take up skating!” Craig joked.

“I can gladly show you the basics. You know I know my way around a halfpipe.” Gina smiled. She didn’t understand where this charisma had come from. She was usually quite awkward but looking into Craig’s eyes she felt amazing. Gina felt the tingle between her legs intensifying. She licked her lips and pulled at her dress and re crossed her legs. Another bolt of electricity shot through her system as her mouth opened. “Are you sure you’re a tomboy?” Craig teased, causing the audience to laugh even harder.

“I can be anything you want me to be.” Gina said, her voice dripping with sensuality. Gina felt like she was having an out of body experience watching someone else in control of her body. The audience in unison went “ooooh” as some male voices hooted in approval. “Damn Gina I think I’m buying my skateboard right now.” Craig joked pulling out his phone acting like he was browsing to shop. Gina felt her insides melt as she stared into his eyes, her heart racing.

Gina found it more difficult to hide the pleasure she was feeling. Her eyes fluttered as she tried to breathe normally. “Like I said nothing better than riding that sturdy piece of wood.” Gina closed her eyes as her body tensed. The audience was silent with a few gasps. Craig readjusted himself in his seat and took a sip of water. “Ahem well Gina thanks for coming on the show and making us all skateboarding fans.” He smiled.

“My pleasure” Gina replied, her voice throaty and sultry. The sensation in her body was becoming almost too much to bear. She shifted uncomfortably in her seat, trying to find some relief. As the segment came to an end and the audience began to applaud, Gina felt a wave of embarrassment wash over her. What had just happened? She had never been so flirtatious or confident before. She couldn't believe how easily the words had flowed out of her mouth.

Karen greeted her backstage as she led her to the dressing room. “Wow Gina just Wow!” She showed the immediate responses that the show's social media received. “Bring Gina back!” , “We love Gina!”, “That woman is a smoke show!”, “Instant Fan!” The positive reviews were overwhelming as Gina’s phone started buzzing like crazy with notifications. “Feel free to stay and relax. Craig will probably want to come by and say thank you. Gina… you were amazing!” Karen gushed.

Gina sat down on the comfy couch as she felt her nerves calm down. However, the pleasure was more intense as she slowly slid her hand between her legs. The pantyhose was beginning to feel so slick as her wetness flowed from her panties. She rubbed as she held back her cries as she watched Craig end the show from her television. “What a great show We had tonight. I want to thank Tom Brady for being on and the up and coming huge star Gina White… She's going places! Good night everyone!”

Gina put her head back when she heard her name. “Up and cummin,” how appropriate she whispered.

She heard a knock on the door and took a deep breath. “Come in” she said as she fixed herself on the couch in a seductive pose. It was him. Craig. The man that she had just flirted with on national television. He walked in and smiled at her. Gina felt a flutter in her stomach. She didn't know what to say or do. "Hi Gina," he said, his voice smooth as silk. "That was... well, that was something else. I can't believe how confident you were back there. You were amazing."

“Thank you, I’m usually so awkward and nervous but tonight. It’s like I knew what to do and it felt so… natural.” Gina blushed as she looked at her lap, playing with the hem of her dress. Craig walked over to her and sat down beside her on the couch. He leaned in, his breath warm against her ear. "Yeah, people love to see flirting. It’s a fun act to put on.” He whispered.

“Who said I was acting?” She grabbed Craig’s collar and pulled him in for a kiss. His lips were soft and tasted like mint. She felt his hand slip under her dress, tracing circles over her hosiery covered thigh. She moaned into the kiss, her body melting against his. He deepened the kiss, pushing his tongue into her mouth, their tongues tangling together. Gina reached down and unbuckled his belt, then undid his pants, freeing his hard cock. She stroked it slowly, feeling the heat and the length of it against her palm. "I was serious. Nothing better than riding some hard stiff wood," she whispered.

Craig broke the kiss, breathing heavily. "Then why don't you show me just how good you are at it?" He said as he guided her upon his lap. He grabbed her ass with a hard spank as he ripped her pantyhose open. She grabbed the couch, slipping her wet panties to the side as she lowered herself onto his cock. He groaned as she took him inside her, her tightness sending waves of pleasure through his body. She began to ride him hard, her hips moving in a rhythm that was both sensual and demanding. The sound of their skin slapping together filled the room as they lost themselves in the heat of the moment. “Oh you are definitely coming back to the show.” Craig gasped as she leaned forward, her breasts brushing against his chest. She ground her hips against him, feeling the familiar tightness building inside her. With a final thrust, she arched her back, her orgasm crashing over her in a wave of pleasure. She moaned his name as her body trembled from the release.

“Mmm Craig I’m cumming multiple times tonight alone.” She restarted riding him as their moans echoed in the room.

Meanwhile, just outside Gina’s dressing room Karen and a Production Assistant were listening. “Karen, I think we can pencil her in next month but I think you put way too much charisma spell on the necklace.” The Production Assistant said as she smiled. Karen shook her head in disagreement. “You hear that in there? That’s the sound of future ratings and advertising dollars in all our pockets.” She grinned as she put her ear back up against the door. The sounds of their moaning and breathing filled the hallway, sending a shiver down her spine. “Yeah but what happens when Gina becomes addicted to fame and beauty… she won’t be doing much skating then.” The PA said with a worried tone. Karen smirked. “ From what I’m hearing. She won’t mind at all.” Karen walked away as she turned back to say one more thing.

“Anyway that’s show biz.”

[oneatlatime]

Return to Omashu

Fire nation priorities. Yes, there's a war to win, but first! We must make our colonies aesthetically consistent. Couple of gates, some gold trim, and some spiky bits! Can't forget the gold spiky bits!

Fulfilling the beat up Sokka quota this episode is raw sewage.

That sewer trek must have been long. They went in during the day and it's night now.

I spoke too soon! The quota is in fact filled by tribbles.

"it's so awful I'm dying." I get the feeling that Sokka has been waiting years to use that line. I love how quickly everyone in the Gaang supports each others' spontaneous plans. It's a sign of a good team if you can ream off fake names without blinking and fake the plague without being asked. They all work so well together. Zuko could take some lessons from these guys on lying.

Well this episode's going to land differently post-Covid.

Looks like Zuko Jr.'s going to be in this episode. Bummer. Although tweedledee and tweedledum are intriguing. Who'd ever think to give a teenage girl villain a pair of eighty year old poetry twins? One of the great things so far about this show is how they consistently choose to go with the most out-there option and always make it work. In a show about defeating the firelord, they chose to kill the moon for the finale. And it worked. The plot point, not the killing.

So I'm thinking that orange and yellow must be an acknowledged fashion choice among the four nations outside of an airbending context, because of the number of times fire nation guards have looked right at Aang and not seen him. Also I think his tattoos must have selective invisibility.

It's a crying shame that Hot Topic doesn't exist in the Avatar universe, because this May girl just passed their employment interview with flying colours. I'm siding with what I'm guessing is her mom on this one. Just chill for a bit.

Ok maybe don't chill for a bit. Yeah my bad. This is not a good time to chill.

Reusing the same Naruto run shot literally two seconds later.

How many projectiles can you fit in one pair of sleeves? She's got a whole armoury up there.

Seriously I know she's bored and all but no teenage girl should have access to that many weapons. If I'd had access to an armoury when I was a teenager, people absolutely would have died.

So cute. I'll take 12 please.

Every sentence that Zuko Jr. is saying to this pink girl is some kind of veiled insult or threat. I'd adopt Pink Girl's wilful obliviousness too if I had to deal with that.

Smart Bumi. He knows his people and his element. We've seen more than enough times already that something about being an earthbender makes you too stubborn to quit and unable to change plans even when your original plan is obviously not working (looking at you, Fong). So, knowing that his people are unable to change course, he prevents them from entering on to that course in the first place.

And Aang picks up on this too! Actually, since Bumi knew Aang growing up, do you think he picked up the concept of strategic retreat from airbending?

Tribbles to the rescue! Given that these are sewer dwelling creatures, this fake plague might turn real.

I love how casual Sokka is about touching other people.

Every street in Omashu seems to have a couple of bundles of twigs propped up against a wall somewhere. It's probably an animation trick to fill up the background.

Love the one guy really committing to the bit who just flops on the ground.

"Pentapox! I'm pretty sure I've heard of that." Humans are so suggestible.

I love that Flopsy remembers him. Aang's propensity to make friends wherever he goes paying off again. Also, exactly how much metal to the fire nation have access to? They're doing the floor, walls, ceilings, of the whole city. There must be some crazy budget surpluses that need using up.

This baby has an absurd throwing arm.

Machine gun Momo!

This is what happens when you don't feed your lemur AANG.

I know cartoon physics is a thing, but can this baby secretly fly or something?

Poor Momo didn't ask for any of this. Guy just wanted some berries. Now he's getting his tail pulled and bitten (hopefully no teeth yet).

Add absurd grip strength to this baby's list of other superhuman characteristics.

Baby apparently weighs quite a bit too.

Flying lemur unintentionally kidnaps baby. Did not see that coming.

Tiny nitpick: the circus master introduces Zuko jr. as "the firelord's daughter" rather than as Princess Zuko jr. Does she not have a title?

Nope. He's calling her princess now. Maybe there are a bunch of princesses in the fire nation and he was just being specific?

Thus begins the bullying of pink girl. Imagine going to school with a bunch of fire nation noble girls? There must have been casualties.

I love Sokka so much. Expert hug administrator.

"everything so clever. So tricky." Actually the avatar forgot to feed his lemur and it kind of snowballed from there. Hands down one of my favourite tropes is when one side in a conflict assumes their enemies are master manipulators, then we learn that actually they're just failing upwards through shenanigans. Love that.

Poor pink girl. The only viable strategy, both for her own safety and the safety of the whole circus, is appeasement.

"The universe is giving me strong hints that it's time for a career change." No blame cast, no fingers pointed, but also not giving Zuko jr. credit for influencing her. That's some fancy talking.

And now they're reusing the campsite shot too?

Poor Momo. That's about the face I make around babies.

I spoke too soon again. This episode's beat up Sokka quota is actually fulfilled by Katara's backhand. Because apparently it's a cardinal sin to prevent a baby from chewing on a potentially bladed weapon? Priorities girl.

Well that accidental kidnapping had some unintended positive consequences. Don't you love it when problems fix themselves?

She even paints her nails black and wears fingerless gloves. Seriously. Hot Topic. STAT.

"Well, Asula called a little louder." Hell of a lot of information in that sentence.

How long is her neck?

Ego much?

Zhao was an asshole and unpleasant, but at least he had some good banter. Zuko jr. is just mean. I hope I see less of her going forward.

Bumi! Hi Bumi! I love Bumi.

Pink girl's loyalty was tested with burning nets and released beasts. Now May's loyalty is tested with her brother's life. Zuko jr. is so good to her friends.

Why is no one able to recognise Aang? He's dressed like an airbender. The only one of those left is the avatar. It's not that hard.

Pink girl is lucky that Sokka is quite prone to friction.

More wood bundles. I guess it's for scaffolding?

Gotta give it to Zuko jr., she has excellent balance.

May has leg knives as well as arm knives?

And shirt knives. How does she not stab herself every time she sits down? And if this place is so boring, why does she feel the need to carry 8 billion knives?

Love the Appa tail slap. Underrated and underused move.

So Bumi has no spine left.

Facebending. Neat.

Neutral Jing is a neat concept, but I'll be damned if any earthbender we've seen apart from Bumi ever bothers with it.

Suddenly the 100 year gap between Aang and Bumi can no longer be ignored. Bumi is still Aang's friend, but he's got a century of learning and a city to protect. This is kind of a sad moment.

Do May and Zuko have some history? Is that's what's being implied here?

Wouldn't expect any less. I wonder how these two are going to explain the return of their son without painting the resistance in a really good light.

Zuko jr. is spelled with a Z.

Final Thoughts

Zuko Jr. gets a girl squad, the Gaang gets a reason to spend a season gallivanting all over the Earth Kingdom, and the audience gets to see Superslide part 2. A weird mix of establishing groundwork and having fun this episode.

I totally buy that the fire nation guards and governor fell for the plague thing. Anyone remember "that lemur! He's earthbending!" These guys are not smart.

The plague thing did not bother me at all. I thought it would, since the anti-science idiots in the Fortuneteller really annoyed me. I think since the fake plague was treated as a joke the whole way through, and never actually endangered anyone, it didn't bring up Covid memories.

I think Flopsy's pupils are sideways hourglasses, which contributes nicely to his uncanniness.

I think the stuffy that the baby was throwing is the same animal as the beaver bear thing at the circus.

I love Momo the machine gun. I think those are the same berries as the ones Iroh was going to double poison himself with.

Sokka getting to plan the plague and getting to save the day with boomerang was fun. That's two episodes in a row where he's been the plan guy. Katara got to use some of her new and improved waterbending as well, but she was really pushed to the background otherwise.

I think pink Girl, whose name I still haven't caught, is quite good at reading people. I caught more than one 'shallow-on-the-surface-but-actually-way-deep' statement from her. Also she can Vulcan pinch people's bending? I'm guessing it's temporary or else Katara would be really freaking out.

May was just too much. Too overdone. Yes, there are teenage girls like that, but it felt a bit on the nose. Actually, way too much on the nose. I get that she can't show any emotion in front of Zuko jr. for her own safety, but "can I offer you an egg fireflakes in this trying time?" is not exactly an appropriate response to your little brother's disappearance.

I'm still not liking Zuko jr. But I'm someone who never likes the villain anyway, at least not when our heroes are this likeable.

This episode was not easy on Aang. It was an interesting mix of bringing home the reality of the war and the reality of the time passed. Even when he seemingly got to save his friend in the end, he actually didn't because things are more complicated now. He untied the damsel from the railroad track and she tied herself right back on.

Further evidence for my 'entire fire nation is colourblind' theory this episode. Aang was not disguised apart from a hat made from a very incriminating colour. He had a giant blue stripe down the back of his head! Come on!

No Zuko this episode. He was last seen stealing a perfectly nice lady's bird horse, and it'll be a while before I forgive him for that, so good call by the writers to not have him around.

Now that I think about it, there was a lot going on this episode. Sewer break & enter, assassination attempt, fake plague, hostage exchange, water v. knife fight, fire v. air fight, vulcan pinch v. bending fight, Boomerang & bison v. knife fight, earthbending philosophy, girl squad assembly, lemur harassment, and baby restoration. This episode felt long in a good way.

How about, instead of learning the elements, Aang learns pink girl's vulcan pinch and just does that to the fire lord?

[sitp-recs]

Smut & Fic

Rules: pick any ten fics, select some smut or pre-smut dialogue, and tag ten people. If you have written less than ten, feel free to share anyway!

I was tagged by the lovely @skeptiquewrites who asked about my single PWP recs - it was so fun to put this together! I’ve decided to link ten of my smut recs following my own favorite banners, and quote some of my favourite lines. The good thing about not being an author is that I don’t have to care much about context, romance or aesthetics here - I can just focus on that hot dirty talk and be on my way, you’re all welcome 😂 tagging whoever wants to join, and also no-pressure tagging @writcraft, @danpuff-ao3, @lqtraintracks, @wolfpants and @sorrybutblog if you haven’t done it yet :)

Matched Set by astolat | My rec

Quote: “I don’t mind, Potter. You can give it a pull, too, if you want to know what a big one feels like.”

Patient, Hungry, Waiting by @shealwaysreads | My rec

Quote: “Oh,” Potter breathed, as Draco drew closer still. “Somehow I don’t think your social saviour routine was quite as benevolent as you present it.” Draco hummed, pleased, as he hooked his fingers into Potters belt-loops. “It’s like you know me,” he whispered as he leant in to bring their mouths together.

(Un)Calculated Risk by @l0vegl0wsinthedark | My rec

Quote: “You’re like an animal,” Draco said, talking over the devastated little cry that he’d nearly let out. “Only animals eat arse with this sort of unapologetic enthusiasm.”

heavy by @onbeinganangel | My rec

Quote: “I like everything you do to me,” Potter replies in that way that is so quintessentially him — both honest and disarming, all at the same time, and Draco’s pulse quickens.

You Either Fuck or You Get Fucked by @fw00shy | My rec

Quote: He wrapped a hand around Harry's cock between them before thrusting once, cradling the back of Harry’s neck in his hand. “How’s that? You like it? Like that Malfoy dick?”

"Hate it. Don’t stop." Harry’s eyes were watering."

Tense by Faith Wood | My rec

Quote: Potter seemed to consider this for a moment. "Your cock. In me. Now," was what he came up with. "Sounds like a telegram," Draco mused. "Lacks please."

Teeth by Amelior8or | My Rec

Quote: “It’s okay,” Harry croaks, his thrusts all-consuming but somehow tender, shy. “I promise it’s okay. I’ve got you. I won’t let you go.” Draco hiccups into something that is too close to a sob, pinches his eyes shut against what threatens to burst out. “I’m so hard to hold.”

break the bad luck in my life by seaworn | My Rec

Quote: “Yes,” Potter nodded his head, kissing Draco’s jaw before kissing him on the mouth again, big palms cupping Draco’s chin. “Always so put together. You’re so pale, Malfoy. I can’t wait to mess you up,” he mumbled against Draco’s mouth.

Bonus: 2 delicious age gap smut because it wouldn’t be me otherwise 😌

Team Players by @shiftylinguini | My Rec

Ship: established James/Teddy, James/Oliver

Quote: “See, that’s when I stopped being jealous,” Teddy went on, in a low tone. “Seeing you take it and moan like it was the best fucking thing that had ever happened to you.”

Euphoria by birdsofshore | My Rec

Ship: established Albus/Scorpius, Albus/Draco

Quote: "Please." I can see Al's legs quivering. They must be getting tired, hooked over Father's shoulders like that for so long. "Please, Draco. Fuck me. Fuck me some more."

[joshslater]

The Cards

Attempting to repost stories previously flagged as too risqué for tumblr. This is some sort of story based on captions made by Himbo Heaven. Similar stories and bonus material on my Patreon.  

"And it has to be one of these four?" you ask the man in the armchair across your coffee table. "We've been over this already. Just make your decision," he says, not even looking up from the device in his hand. You make a defeated sigh and pick the top card from the stack.

Thank God it comes with dumb, you think as you can't imagine living like that and keeping your wits about you. Deep down you wouldn't mind looking better, you know that. It's not like you are remarkably ugly. At worst you could be described as unremarkable, but handsome people have always behaved in a way that annoyed you. Like they got this genetic gift and act like they are better than everyone. The irony here is to get it literally gifted, or forced rather, to become the ultimate end of vain entitlement. No, you correct yourself. There was that "made to fulfill" part too, which makes you conflicted because it somehow makes it better holistically while also being worse personally. An ornamental slut eager to please. Frustrated you throw the card down on the table and pick the next one.

This is even less appealing to you. The first one at least had some air of luxury, but this is just crude. Even the description doesn't bother with any sophistication but simply states "Dude, bro". You've worked hard to never be anyone's dude or bro. There should be a comma after "socks" shouldn't it? And another one after caps. Why did it have to say "dumb"? Actually, that whole last run-on sentence sounded pretty horrible. You throw the card on top of the first one in disgust, though it glides almost to the middle of the table before it settles. You're trying to shake the mental image of socks, caps, and a locker room with sweaty athletes having sex with each other.

"Do they all have to be so vulgar?" you ask, but the man ignores the question, still staring at his device. You pick the third card from the stack and suppress a laugh.

That's not going to happen, is it? Just imagine being one of those sex-obsessed people, always trying to score, always making innuendos and flirting. Such a life would be so lacking, with no art, no literature, no real human connections, no science, no awe for the wonders of the world, no plans for how to make the world a better place. Just...

"One more minute then I'll pick one for you," the man interrupts. You throw the card next to the other two and pick up the last one.

Finally something without sex in the text, but then it has "Slut" right there in the title. In a way this is just the jock again, but worse in almost all aspects. None of the aesthetic part, no hints of any life outside of the gym or team or friends, and unlike the jock text an unqualified reduction in intelligence. If the last one's life sounded empty, this one is even more tragic.

"Fuck it! I'll take..."

Trophy Boy

It's the one with the softest landing after all. Sure, some people would be weirded out by a meticulously sexualized and objectified man, but there must be so many who'd love to care for him.

The man in the armchair nods and makes a slight motion with his hands. You recognize the scent of lavender, no its cum, no bubblegum, no lube. It's over so quickly you think you must have been mistaken. You feel warm, not in a feverish way, but as if you've been out in the sun a tad too long. You're thirsty but can't resist licking your lips. Your lips feel different. Your mouth feels different. Did the transformation already start? You're just about to ask him when your clothes turn to powder, perhaps more like sand than flour, because it falls off you cleanly to reveal the smooth, tan, perfect skin of your toned arms. A swirl of pride, horniness, and disgust wash over you as you trace the rest of your meticulously toned body with your gaze.

You lick your lips again. Your mouth is lacking something. Shouldn't there be something happening to you? Some sort of change, for some reason you can't quite recall. You think of bubblegum. Your mouth lacks bubblegum! There's a man you don't recognize getting up from an armchair, reaching for some cards at the table next to you. Or a lolly. A pink strawberry lolly to suck on. "Who are you?" you ask the man. He's fit, dressed in plain but expensive clothes. You stare at his groin as he collects the cards. A dick! Your mouth is lacking a dick to suck on. "It doesn't matter. You won't see me again," the man says and heads towards the door. "Aww," you whine and try to make a sad face, pouting your lips. There's a big glass bowl with strawberry lollies on the table though, so you stand up, adjust your thong, and head over there to find something to suck on. If only they made them cum flavored.

Jock

Once the transformation is done, this must surely be the best option. To be surrounded by teammates that support each other. Bro culture may be toxic from the outside, but as a dumb member it must be great.

The man in the armchair nods and makes a slight motion with his hands. Your eyes widen as knowledge rush into you, rules for sports you barely knew existed, famous players, games from history, not just who won or lost, but where it was played, who was in it, the notable swings of fortune. You know not just the rules, but how to apply them in practice, what to do differently when the grass is wet or when the sun is in your back. You know how to save every second when putting on football pads. You know what underwear chafes, what fabrics are good for running, how to pour out the contents of your training duffel on the floor so all the sweaty clothes dry over night. You know how to pace yourself in beer pong to come out winning more often than not, and how to cure hangover the day after in time for training. You know how to suck your bro's dick to keep him on the edge for as long as possible. You know how to recognize how many shots into the evening the teammates will let you make out with them with sloppy kisses. You know how to move your body to keep your bros inside you for as long as possible, and have them come back for seconds once they've creamed inside of you and recharged.

"What the fuck!" you gasp, as if gasping for air. As if you were drowning in knowledge you didn't want in the first place. You're panting heavily, frantically scanning the room with your eyes as if you've just woken up from a nightmare. You see the man across the room, sitting in the armchair, and suddenly you're reminded of what is happening. The cards, the choice, the transformation. Only you haven't transformed. You look the same as when you came in through the door from school. Doing what though?

You struggle to remember anything that happened during the day. You can't even remember what school you are attending, or what subjects. You glance at the wall clock and know there is basket on ESPN in 40 minutes. You desperately don't want to know that. You look around the room for any hints of what you are studying, of who you really are. You only see a line of football gear strewn on the floor, giving off a faint odor of sweat and liniment cream.

Your panting isn't coming down though, but instead is intensifying as if you were sprinting. You've been too confused and preoccupied to notice just how profusely you're sweating. You feel it one of the legs first, but within seconds you are cramping all over your body. Not just like a big ball of tensed muscle, but fading in and out all over the body seemingly randomly. You try to get out of your seat, but collapse on the floor writhing in pain and convulsions. Eventually the cramps begin to subside and you are aware that the only remaining discomfort is where your too tight clothes cut into you when you move. You're also aware that someone is walking around above you, getting ready to leave your apartment.

"Dude. Fuck me..." you exhale as you roll on your back, exhausted and soaked in sweat, waiting for your heartbeat to go down.

"Many will," you hear someone answer before he closes the door behind him.

Cumdump

It's the only one where you don't lose your smarts if the texts can be trusted. A smoking hot body and boosted libido must be possible to work with.

The man in the armchair nods and makes a slight motion with his hands. You feel both your butt cheeks spasm quickly, as if you flexed your muscles there for half a second. Then it happens again. And again. Every five seconds or so there's a contraction of your butt muscles. Then the fourth time it's followed by a quick clenching of your sphincter. Same with the next one. It's like involuntary kegel exercises. You can feel the contractions getting deeper each time, as if you are clenching harder or more muscles are involved. By the tenth or so contraction it's like a wave that travels from your butt muscles through your ass and out your dick. You can feel an erection slowly building, but the whole thing doesn't feel sexual in any way. It's just like an annoying hiccup. One you imagine would prevent you from walking.

It goes on for minutes and you are just about to ask the man how long this would take, if something is wrong, or if you were required to do something, when the contractions suddenly expand both up and down. You feel your thighs flexing as well as your abs. Every contraction is reaching further away into your body, like a ripple of flexing muscles, always starting from your butt cheeks. You're starting to feel fatigued around your ass and shift around to get more comfortable when you hear a short, ripping sound. It's your underwear you realize. Standing up would be unthinkable with the incessant muscle contractions, so you are limited in what you can do in between the increasingly violent flailings, but you manage to discover that your ass has been growing into a bubble butt, explaining the wardrobe failure. You scoot down into a half-sitting position that is at least closer to comfortable.

You don't know if the frequency had been increasing all along or not, but the thrusts throughout your body happen much faster now, every two seconds or so. The ripple of contractions has extended to basically cover your entire body, all the way down to your feet and all the way up your chest, neck, and out your arms. There's barely any time between one wave being finished and the next one starting. While your dick started out just getting hard it is now radiating horny energy. You're making a small, short moan for every contraction, more of a yelp really, but it is when the wave hits your dick you make the sound.

Then suddenly one wave, once it hit the throat, bounced back down the chest. It goes on a while like that until slowly, slowly the contractions drift out of sync with each other that it's really two different waves. One from the ass and out and one from the throat and down. They are timed differently and drift in and out of phase with each other.

This just goes on and you lose track of time. If asked you wouldn't be able to tell if it had been an hour or four. At some point you just gave up on trying to do anything about it, other than inching into the best possible position. You stopped trying to make sense of it, why it was happening, when it would stop. You just are.

"This is the one I enjoy the most," the man in the armchair says.

Startled you look at him, snapped out of your trance, and everything stops. No more waves of contractions. At some point you had shifted position to just lie on your back with your bent legs up in the air, arms behind your neck. You're confused to see silky smooth legs, shaved cock and balls, and smooth abs glazed in precum from all the droplets have have been flung around. You're just as much confused because you are naked as the fact your body looks like it does. But most surprising of all is the emptiness your feel from the lack of the pounding in your ass and your throat. The deep craving you feel to have that continue and the pervasive horny feeling that is like nothing you have ever experienced before. You know of course what was done to you. You selected the card.

"Why?" "All the other options are just stupidly content with what they become. You on the other hand have a whole journey of coming to terms with it at your own pace. That's why nothing in your apartment has changed." "Perhaps I am content?" you say as you sit back up properly on your new, plump ass and tentatively try to squeeze them to get back the feeling of being thrusted. You reek of sweat and cum after what essentially were hours of being ghost fucked.

He smiles a wry smile. "Well, you can stay with this decor if you want. Or, if you want me to fuck you, I can give you the cumdump interior and wardrobe." "Fuck me!" you say without hesitation.

Muscle Slut

It wouldn't be the first time someone would be fixated on getting the perfect body, and there's a lot of money to be made if you just play your card right. It's the only grown-up decision really.

The man in the armchair nods and makes a slight motion with his hands. You feel a flash of heat, like when stage pyrotechnics go off at a concert, but without any blinding light. No light at all, just a quick, searing heat that instantly begins to mellow out. You look at one of your arms and see it is deeply tanned, not quite hazel nut, but not far off, and completely smooth as if you've waxed it. It almost looks shiny to you as you turn the arm in the soft light of the apartment. You can easily imagine how it would look with some oil on, how it would bring out the contrasts. Heck, even a moderate sweat would send you glistening like a well-polished wood carving.

Fascinated you open and close your hand, watching the tendons and muscles work just beneath the skin on the inside of your forearm, creating ridges for the light to play with. One of the veins catches your attention as wraps around to the other side of your arm. You turn it and are surprised by all the veins snaking up and down the arm. It's exciting though, and mesmerizing. While still looking intently at the arm as you twist and turn it and your hand, you begin stroking your groin. Your arm never interested you this much before. Clearly not, because you never realized before how beautiful your veins are, or that you even had them.

You start to tension the muscles in your arm, as much as you can. You have never flexed before in your life, so you are not sure how to do it. To your disappointment not much happens. Perhaps you are imagining it, but the veins on the arm look even more pronounced. You make another attempt to flex the arm, this time with a bit more proper technique and your eyes widens as you see the response. The bicep bulge is like you've never seen it before. You fumble with your other hand to get it into your pants and underwear to fully grip your erect cock, but you don't want to look away from your arm. You don't want to miss a thing, as you relax and flex it again. This time it grows even larger than the last. Transfixed you flex and relax, flex and relax over and over, just admiring how the skin moves over the muscles, the shape and size of the football sized bulge, and how the light gives it all the most beautiful shimmer you've ever seen.

Suddenly a fear wash over you that you are just focusing on one part of your body, and not looking at the whole. How all body parts should be in proportion with each other, and balanced between both sides. Almost in panic you stop jerking off at inspect your other arm. "Fucking ace!" you shout as you see your other arm is just as muscular, just as bronzed, just as vascular, and just as beautiful as your first arm. You flex both arms into a front double biceps pose, and just wished you had a mirror in front of you.

You look down at your body. Your naked torso shows large pecs jutting out over a strong core with abs that look good even sitting down in this position. Below that your rock-hard dick hangs out of your body hugging trunks that cling to your ass and massive legs. You see a lot to be proud of, but just as much that needs work.

But you do have a mirror in front of you. There's one in each room of the apartment save for the kitchen. You tuck your dick back into the trunks, jump up and approach the mirror. You want to go through your competition program before hitting the gym.

"I trust you'll be all right then," said the man you had forgotten about. "No, I'll be the best," you answer, not looking away from the mirror and your side chest pose.

[the12thnightproject]

Chapter 36: Wasted Trip: Katsu’s fishing expedition comes to an unforeseen conclusion.

Mitsuhide x OC; Hideyoshi x MC (Mai)

All Chapters Archived on Ao3 

Logline - With Mai, Hideyoshi, and Aki missing, Mitsuhide and Katsuko reluctantly team up. Disguised as a merchant and his concubine, can they outsmart the man known as the God of Deceit?

Having a plan is a wonder thing. Having a plan that depends up the whims of others, however, is… frustrating. Yoshimoto agreed that waiting for the populace of the castle to be distracted when Yoshiaki called for another of his flattery sessi… er, councils, would be the best way to time my investigation. Unfortunately, it turned out that Yoshiaki spent the next couple days engrossed in “private pleasures.” I chose not to question that further. I suspected the answer would go under the subject header, ‘you really don’t want to know’.

With both Iekane and Motonari walking freely about the castle grounds, Yoshimoto declared that I would be safest staying in his quarters. I disagreed. Safer, maybe, but I knew that I could still blend in with the scenery and pass by in plain sight. People don’t notice servants. Yoshimoto continued to insist upon accompanying me whenever I went on walkabout, and he… does not blend. Inevitably someone would question where Lord Imagawa was headed, did he need anything, and … well, there went any chance of sneaking. We spent more than a couple hours walking through the gardens, pretending that was where our destination had always been.

At least Yoshimoto tried to keep me entertained when I was confined to quarters. As always, I had my shogi set with me, and he turned out to be surprisingly good at the game. He easily won the first three rounds. Finally, I figured out that his playing style consisted of making elaborate feints and distractions that he used to disguise his true intentions.

Once I ceased falling for those ploys, we were more evenly matched, and I began defeating him. “You’re improving rapidly.” He seemed unconcerned over the fact that I had won after a hard fought battle.

“Less learning the game and more understanding your style and tactics.” When his eyebrows (both) raised in enquiry, I went on to explain what I had discovered about his gameplay.

“Flattering that you attribute that to strategy. I simply like making aesthetically pleasing patterns in the formations.” He began setting down the tiles, not in the standard game opening layout, but in a more mathematical pattern. A flower.

Really?

No.

Really?

I stared at him for a moment before I realized he was hiding a smile. “You goof! I almost believed you.” I threw a tile at him.

“You must admit it would add an interesting dimension to the game. If players were required to compete to make the most artistic designs.” He gracefully rearranged the tiles into the main starting position. “Another game?”

“You don’t have to keep entertaining me.” Yoshimoto had stayed in his quarters almost as much as I had.

“It is no hardship to spend time with a lovely woman.” He touched my hand. “However, there are other ways to keep each other company if you … no? I thought not.” He backtracked before I could even begin to verbalize a refusal.

“Your vassals might start wondering why you spend so much time with your page.” It was not an uncommon situation, and unlike in modern Christian-influenced thought, even generally accepted for lords to have relations with male subordinates. However, I imagined that the Imagawa vassals would be annoyed that Yoshimoto was wasting time with me, instead of concentrating on training and battle preparations.

“They have, in fact. Rumors of my obsession with my ‘pretty page’ have spread across the castle.” Since I had not yet made a move to begin a new game, he began creating another tile design.

Oof. Well. Katsu didn’t actually exist, so it likely wouldn’t affect me all that much. But as for Yoshimoto… “Don’t you care?”

“Worse has been said about me.” A sad smile flitted across his face, then evaporated like mist.

Fortunately for both my peace of mind and Yoshimoto’s reputation, the next day the shogun called for another session of meetings between himself, Yoshimoto, Motonari, and Iekane. Finally, I was finally free to investigate Mozumi’s condition. After assuring Yoshimoto on multiple occasions that I would proceed with caution, I made my way to the tenshu that housed Mozumi’s quarters. The dark gloom of the corridors and shadows on the stairs proved my allies, allowing me to melt into darkness unseen.

At one corner of the floor housing Mozumi’s personal rooms, I crouched under the eaves, waiting to make sure it would be safe to enter. I watched a maid go into his room carrying a kettle and a bucket. For a while, there was a quiet bustling about in there, before she remerged with the bucket, holding it as far away from her body as possible. Ah. She had emptied the chamber pot. Even from where I was hiding, I could smell the odor of urine.

With her hands occupied in such a way, she was not able to completely close the door, allowing me to sneak inside the rooms without a sound.

Mozumi’s chambers were larger than the quarters assigned to Yoshimoto, as befits the daimyo. It was divided into several areas by screens and sliding panels. From the entry, the end of Mozumi’s futon was visible through the half-closed panel. His hand lay limply over the side, and rested on the floor. He was snoring though, so at least he was still alive.

Electing to first investigate the outer room before getting too much closer to him (the last thing I wanted would be to wake him up and demand I leave… or worse, yell for help), I prowled around the chamber. No writing desk in evidence. Granted, Mozumi probably had a set of offices in the main area of the castle in which to conduct most of his business, but if he were indeed too sick to leave his chambers, he was also apparently not conducting any ‘work from home’ either. A quick rifle through his clothing revealed that he primarily wore soft, informal kimonos. No hakama, no armor. He didn’t even appear to have any warm outerwear or geta. When had been the last time he’d even left the tenshu?

It seemed that Mozumi had been very ill for a long time – and was not expected to improve.

On the brazier, the maid had left the kettle steaming over the hot coals. A container of tea, a bowl and brush were nearby. A paper packet with, yes, that was willow bark, had fallen onto the floor. Even the shelves were full of containers of herbs, packets of medicinal powders, some of which had been shoved to the back and were dusty with age. What were all these herbs? Were they helping, or hindering his recovery?

Perhaps he was being accidentally poisoned, not through malice, but through the incompetence of the local healer.

Still, having taken the risk of sneaking into this room, I resolved to see this investigation through to the end. I cautiously entered into Mozumi’s sleeping area alert to any sign of wakening. Still snoring away. I gazed down at him, seeing only an old, sick man, his face creased with lines of age and pain. Saggy skin at his neck and arms, gave evidence to a substantial amount of weight loss. His limbs were, thin, shriveled, without much muscle tone.

At the side of the bed, an empty tea cup. At the bottom, a faint ring of green tea. I picked it up and sniffed it. Was there anything else in the cup? Thanks to Aki’s training, I could recognize some common poisons, but nothing obvious was leaping out at me.

Nothing… except another inconvenient not-my-memory.

“There’s no such thing as a love potion. It’s a myth. Even if you gathered … whatever you put in this… and danced by the light of the full moon.”

“Lady Yone said there is. She once told me that purple flowers that grow along the cliffs, if brewed into a tea, would make a love potion.” She opened the teapot and stared into it.

Purple flowers… cliffside… I had to think to picture what grew around h—

Torikabuto.

I took the teapot away from her, while again my brain went ‘don’t touch it, don’t spill it, get rid of it now.’ “Shohime, that’s poison!”

“Oh. I did wonder why Nobunaga’s groom took it away from me.” She sighed sadly. “Maybe people pretend its poison to hide the fact that love potion grows on every cliff in Japan.”

“It is poison. I have seen the results.” Mitsunari pushed the table further away from all of us.

Mitsunari? Sho… hime? That had clearly been Sho in the vision, a Sho far more richly dressed and coiffed than the one in Sakai. Aki’s letter had mentioned a shattered timeline. Was this from a different life altogether? Perhaps the reason I was experiencing these visions so much more powerfully here was that a different Katsuko had spent some time visiting Genba.

And… had nearly been poisoned.

Fresh on the heels of that memory, came another one, just as strong:

Where were the sentries?  

They ought to have been posted along the walls, but no one was visible. Had they joined Iekane’s troops? Or were they being held prisoner somewhere? Overall, the situation appeared increasingly dire for anyone in Genba, although at least the missing sentries should make it easier for me to get to the tenshu unnoticed.

I found a tree that hung close enough to the wall to allow me to swing over, then ducked out of sight. Keeping my body low, I flattened myself against the stone, crawling slowly toward the tenshu, staying alert to any sound that would indicate an approaching guard.

It was eerily quiet.

Not until I reached the first guard tower did I understand why – the sentries were sprawled out under the tower, bodies stiff and cold, faces frozen in agony, a broken tea pot at their feet. Lady Yone’s calling card. Apparently she had found a use for the torikabuto after all.

I had been too late for these men, too.

Were these visions of poison a warning? Or were these distractions, putting ideas into my head where there was no other evidence? Had I been led astray by someone else’s memories? For the longer I looked through this room, the more it was clear that Mozumi had not left these quarters for quite a while. Years maybe. Maybe even before Iekane came onto the scene.

Annoying to leave this scouting mission with no evidence of wrongdoing. But frustrating as it was, the longer I stayed in here, the more I would be at risk, so I turned to leave… about five minutes too late.

There were footsteps and voices coming toward the room.

Iekane’s voice.

Quickly, I ducked behind a screen and…

Oh… yuck!

This was where the wooden chamber pot lived. And Mozumi’s aim was … terrible. I covered my nose and tried to silently breathe through my mouth as Iekane and another man entered the quarters.

“As you can see, his condition has not improved.” Iekane, sounding sad, with an edge of frustration in his voice. “Are you certain there is nothing you can do? I had high hopes of a cure from the most reputable healer in the area.” There was something of a threat in those words. Sounded like if Mozumi died, Iekane already had a scapegoat in mind.

There was a lower tone rumble in response that became more audible as the two men got closer to my hiding place. “There are, naturally, other treatments I can employ, but at a certain point, the patient will continue to weaken due to lack of sustenance.”

I risked carefully peering through the panels to see Iekane with an older man – the healer, I resumed, for he spent a few moments examining Mozumi from various angles, smelling his breath, and poking sharply pointed sticks into his fingertips.

Iekane let out a long sigh. “It is painful to see him so. I remember when he was a vital man.”

The healer simply hummed to himself.

If I had hoped to overhear a confession of crime or a conversation between two plotters, I was clearly doomed. Even if Iekane was poisoning Mozumi, this healer was not part of it, nor had he ever detected any evidence of poison.

Theory – not yet proven.

Evidence – yet to be found.

So… I’d gotten myself into this situation for nothing. Into this very smelly situation for nothing.

“Is he still using his bowels?” A rustle of cloth.

“That is not a thing I have paid attention to.” I heard a clink of porcelain. The teacup.

“Sometimes the tincture of poppy can cause a foul stoppage.” Ah ha. Opium. That was what had been in the teacup. “I would hesitate to give him more were that the case.”

Based on the conditions of this commode, Mozumi’s bowels were working just fine.

Wait.

Shit.

Literally… shit.

What if the healer decided to check for himself-

Footsteps came closer to my hiding place.

I pressed myself further against the wall and palmed my dagger, ready to defend myself if my hiding place was discovered.

Another set of footsteps as a third person entered the room.

“What is the meaning of this interruption?” A smack. Skin against skin. “Why are you not at your post?”

“I’m sorry, Master Iekane.” A rougher accent, from a speaker who did not sound completely deferential to Iekane. Interesting. Helpful? “The shogun requested that you return to the council room. He grows impatient.”

There was a disgusted noise from Iekane, but his words revealed no frustration. “Of course. Rokuro, have your completed your examination?”

“I believe there is nothing more to see.” The healer seemed eager to leave this place. I did not blame him.

“You. Guard. Make yourself useful and clean.”

And two sets of footsteps left the room.

Please don’t clean the chamber pot.

I waited, but the guard did not move at all. He was so quiet, I began to wonder if he had left. Or maybe he was killing time, defying Iekane’s orders. If so, might he be someone I could convince of Iekane’s plotting? Or would I be captured and presented to Iekane as a gift to prove the guard’s loyalty.

Too risky. Better to stay put, and prepared for anyth-

Without warning, the screen was pushed aside, and I found myself staring into a pair of familiar amber-gold eyes. “Interesting detour you’ve taken, Brat.” He eyed the stained chamber pot. “And rather fragrant as well.”

The appearance of Mitshuhide where a Mitsuhide was not expected to be stunned me into silence. I could only stare stupidly at him, taking in his latest disguise of shaggy dark hair, streaked with grey, and sun darkened skin. That familiar prickly feeling danced along my nerves.

He raised his eyebrow.

“Did … did you follow me here?” While I had seen his spy on the road here, I had not ever caught sight of Mitsuhide.

“Oh, dear me, no. I arrived a good three days before you.” Right. He let you go. While I was still wrestling with the disappointment that his presence here at Genba was simply a coincidence, he put his arm around my shoulders and guided me out from behind the screen. “Before you … and the Imagawa.”

“You didn’t go back to Azuchi?” His sudden appearance had rendered me unable to do anything except state the obvious.

“I did not. And I suggest we continue this conversation elsewhere – perhaps that courtyard you and Yoshimoto are so fond of - before your friend Iekane or a vassal returns and finds us here.” Without waiting for me to answer, he turned my shoulders and pointed me toward the door.

Yeah, that would be a good idea. And even if it hadn’t been a good idea, Mitushide was using that ‘I won’t take no for an answer tone of voice.’ “Can I at least grab a cloak?”

“By all means. Although I believe you will discover that freezing to death is the least of your worries at the moment.” And then, after one more inscrutable glare from those eyes, Mitsuhide took me by the hand and tugged me out of the room.

@bestbryn @selenacosmic @mllorei @lyds323 @akitsuneswife @tele86

[allthingslinguistic]

All Things Linguistic - 2022 Highlights

2022 was a year of opening up again and laying foundations for future projects. I spent the final 3 months of it on an extended trip to Singapore, Australia, and New Zealand, which is a delightful reason to have a delay in writing this year in review post. 

Interesting new projects this year included my first piece in The Atlantic, why we have so much confusion on writing the short form of "usual" and 103 languages reading project: inspired by a paper by Evan Kidd and Rowena Garcia. 

Continuations of existing projects: 

Return of LingComm Grants

A survey for those using Because Internet for teaching

10 year Blogiversary of All Things Linguistic: highlights from the past year and highlights from the past decade

6 years of Lingthusiasm

Conferences/Talks

LSA 2022 and judging Five Minute Linguist

I was on panels about swearing in SFF and the Steerswoman books at a local literary speculative fiction con, Scintillation

I was on panels at WorldCon (ChiCon 8) in Chicago: Ask A Scientist, That's Not How That Works!, and Using SFF for Science Communication

I was a contestant for the second time in Webster's War of the Words, a virtual game show fundraiser for the Noah Webster House.

I attended the Australian Linguistics Society annual meeting in Melbourne and the New Zealand Linguistics Society annual meeting in Dunedin, where I gave a talk co-authored with Lauren Gawne called Using lingcomm to design meaningful stories about linguistics

Lingthusiasm

In our sixth year of Lingthusiasm, a podcast that’s enthusiastic about linguistics which I make with Lauren Gawne and our production team, we did a redesign of how the International Phonetic Alphabet symbols are layed out in a chart, in order to correspond more closely with the principle that the location of a symbol is a key to how it's articulated. This involved much digging into the history of IPA layouts and back-and-forths with our artist, Lucy Maddox, and we were very pleased to make our aesthetic IPA design available on a special one-time edition of lens cloths for patrons as well as our general range of posters, tote bags, notebooks, and other all-time merch. 

We also did our first Lingthusiasm audience survey and Spotify for some reason gave us end-of-year stats only in French, which I guess is on brand, but we were pleased to see notebooks, and Lingthusiasm is one of Spotify's top 50 Science podcastsF/href.li/?https:/www.redbubble.com%2Fi%2Fmouse-pad%2FAesthetic-IPA-Chart-Square-by-Lingthusiasm%2F129215087.G1FH6&t=OTkxYjYxYjNmMzA1M2VhNGViOGIxZWIxOGI0NDRjYjE2YTIzYTE2NCw2YTgzNDQyZTM3MzY0YjRkNjc3NGJkNzhhYzJhMzk3ZjA2Y2NkYzIz&ts=1684794278">other all-time merch!

Main episodes from this year

Making speech visible with spectrograms

Knowledge is power, copulas are fun.

Word order, we love 

What it means for a language to be official

Tea and skyscrapers - When words get borrowed across languages

What we can, must, and should say about modals

Language in the brain - Interview with Ev Fedorenko

Various vocal fold vibes

What If Linguistics

The linguistic map is not the linguistic territory

Who questions the questions?

Love and fury at the linguistics of emotions

Bonus Episodes

We interview each other! Seasons, word games, Unicode, and more

Emoji, Mongolian, and Multiocular O ꙮ - Dispatches from the Unicode Conference

Behind the scenes on how linguists come up with research topics

Approaching word games like a linguist - Interview with Nicole Holliday and Ben Zimmer of Spectacular Vernacular

What makes a swear word feel sweary? A &⩐#⦫&

There’s like, so much to like about “like”

Language inside an MRI machine - Interview with Saima Malik-Moraleda

Using a rabbit to get kids chatting for science

Behind the scenes on making an aesthetic IPA chart - Interview with Lucy Maddox

Linguistics and science communication - Interview with Liz McCullough

103 ways for kids to learn languages

Speakest Thou Ye Olde English?

Selected Tweets

Linguistics Fun

aunt and niece languages

Swedish chef captions

IPA wordle

wordle vs kiki

creative use of emoji and space

resume glottal stop

dialects in a trenchcoat

which of these starter Pokemon is bouba and which is kiki

(for no author would use, because of the known rendolence of onions, onions)

acoustic bike

An extremely charming study by Bill Labov featuring a rabbit named Vincent

Rabbit Meme

Cheering on linguistics effects (Stroup and Kiki/Bouba) in a vote on the cutest scientific effect name

Old English Hrickroll

The word you get assigned with your linguistics degree

Sanskrit two-dimensional alphabet

Cognate Objects

Linguist Meetup in Linguaglossa?

baɪ ði eɪdʒ ʌv θɚti

j- prefixing

"But clerk, I am Bill Labov" (pagliacci meme)

Usual winner

Because Internet Tumblr vernacular

Linguist "Human" Costume

Cursed kiki/bouba

dot ellipsis vs comma ellipsis

intersection of signed languages and synesthesia?

Antipodean linguistic milestone

Selected Blog Posts:

Linguistic Jobs

Online Linguistics Teacher

Impact Lead

Customer Success Manager

Hawaiian and Tahitian language Instructor, Translator & Radio Host

Language Engineer

Data Manager & Digital Archivist

Linguistics fun

xkcd: neoteny recapitulated phylogeny

Eeyore Linguistic Facts

Lingthusiasm HQ: Frown Thing!

xkcd is making a vowel hypertrapezoid

Title: Ships and Ice Picks: An Ethnographic Excavation of alt.goncharov

Missed out on previous years? Here are the summary posts from 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, 2020, and 2021. If you’d like to get a much shorter monthly highlights newsletter via email, with all sorts of interesting internet linguistics news, you can sign up for that at gretchenmcc.substack.com.

[lurlur]

Rating the NHL mascots - Part 2

Part 1 is here

Minnesota Wild

Nordy

What are you, Nordy? Officially, Nordy is a "wild animal" which is just SUPER helpful, Minnesota. Thanks. He's got a sweet face, though. I like the extra colouring that keeps him from being boring. I feel like he'd benefit from some sharp teeth though. Give the boy some ferocity. Assuming he's the kind of wild animal that can be ferocious? WHO FUCKIN' KNOWS???

Vibes: 7/10

Aesthetics: 9/10

Horror: 2/10

Fuckability: 6/10

Overall, 6/10. Could be better, but the inability to commit hurts Nordy's potential.

Buffalo Sabres

Sabretooth

I may not have much in this world, but one of the things that I do have is a degree in palaeontology. This goofy looking motherfucker is not an accurate sabretooth cat and I have decided to take that personally. This is a cartoon tiger with dental issues. This is Tony the Tiger's inbred cousin. He's not OK. At least he looks relatively kind, if a little concerned.

Vibes: 5/10

Aesthetics: 1/10

Horror: 1/10

Fuckability: 1/10

Overall, 2/10. Is it too much to ask for to have palaeontologically accurate mascots in 2023?

Nashville Predators

Gnash

Is this a joke? Am I a joke to you? ANOTHER sabre tooth cat? Jesus fucking christ. OK, this one isn't AS bad. It's not good, but it's not as bad as the last entry. Actual sabre teeth, a sculpted cat head, team colours can be forgiven for mascot purposes. The lower jaw is all wrong and the stripes are conjecture at best, but the overall effect doesn't fill me with the same blind rage as Buffalo's cat. Gnash is getting by on a loaded comparison. His name is pretty cool though.

Vibes: 6/10

Aesthetics: 4/10

Horror: 5/10

Fuckability: 3/10

Overall, 4.5/10. Literally skating through because Sabretooth is SO bad and SO fresh in my memory. Take the wins where you can, Gnash.

Florida Panthers

Stanley C. Panther

Florida somehow has two mascots? I'm going with Stanley, but please do be aware of, I assume, Matthew Tkachuk's best friend: Victor E. Rat.

Stanley, here, is a panther. Of course. And he's fine. Just fine. Another big cat, underwhelming design, pretty minimal costuming. He's got a reasonably characterful face. I feel like a good performer could make him work, but in still images he's lacklustre. Sorry, Stanley.

Vibes: 6/10

Aesthetics: 3/10

Horror: 3/10

Fuckability: 6/10

Overall, 4.5/10. Middling score for a middling mascot. Maybe I should have gone with Victor...

New York Islanders

Sparky the Dragon

Got myself tied in knots about this one because the Isles have made some attempts to move on from Sparky, it seems. There's an absolutely horrifying fisherman named Nyisles that I won't ever unsee. The NHL website says Sparky, though, so Sparky it is! He's a dragon! Look at his lil wings! Good teeth, bright colours, horns for holding. What's not to love? Literally nothing. Except the fact that he's mascot for the Isles... but that's not what we're doing here.

Vibes: 10/10

Aesthetics: 10/10

Horror: 4/10

Fuckability: 8/10

Overall, 8/10. He's a dragon! I love me a dragon! I don't care!

St Louis Blues

Louie

Louie, OK. Blue, OK. Wipe clean mouth? OK, I guess. Why a bear, though? And why such a pale blue? This thing must be a nightmare to keep clean. Good ear shape, kind face, not quite hitting the bear perfection that is Carlton but a decent effort. The muzzle really is throwing me as a weird design choice. Like, OK, it does make the face more visually interesting but it also just looks like Louie has a skin problem. Does he have mange? We simply don't know.

Vibes: 7/10

Aesthetics: 7/10

Horror: 3/10

Fuckability: 5/10

Overall, 5.5/10. Mostly because I'm concerned about his health. I don't want to catch mange.

Detroit Red Wings

Al the Octopus

Oh yeah, now we're talking. I actively hate this for a million reasons but it's so fucking insane that I also kind of love it! I do wish that Detroit fans would stop throwing octopuses onto the ice because that is no fate for a poor cephalopod. But look! It's a giant tentale monster! He looks MEAN! That's not just a guy in a bad fur suit! it's interesting and that's worth big points. I fully believe that Al would beat the shit out of me for no reason.

Vibes: 10/10

Aesthetics: 9/10

Horror: 9/10

Fuckability: 10/10

Overall, 9.5/10. Horrible, never stop.

Philidelphia Flyers

Gritty

Now, this is podracing! Gritty is how you do weird, undefined monster mascots properly. Gritty emerged following construction work at the Philidephia arena and is best described as a force for chaos. The eyes are wild, the energy is all over the place, the flow is spectacular, and the best part of Gritty's launch was the speed with which Philidelphia went from rejecting their new freak to declaring Gritty the new godking. Oh, you think Gritty is an ugly monster? Fuck you, we love them. Gritty is also undeniably a queer ally/icon/community leader? Hard to say exactly, but it's there. Immaculate vibes. Shame we can't say the same about everyone on the team...

Vibes: 10/10

Aesthetics: 10/10

Horror: 10/10

Fuckability: 10/10

Overall, 10/10. Gritty, hit me up. I have a short list of Flyers I need you to eat. Thanks, babe.

Ottawa Senators

Spartacat

Someone please get this lion a good haircare routine? Dear god, Spartacat. You leave the house looking like this? There's something almost endearing about how wet and pathetic this lion looks. He's just giving nothing. I want to nominate him for Queer Eye.

Vibes: 6/10

Aesthetics: 4/10

Horror: 2/10

Fuckability: 4/10

Overall, 4/10. Honestly, it's a pity fuck as well. Someone please help this lion.

Montreal Canadiens

Youppi!

What IS it? A man? Why is it so hairy? It might be a giant (lol) but that doesn't explain much at all. I HATE this. I think that's a fully body beard. You could shave that and maybe find just a normal man underneath. It's SO orange which just looks jarring with the Montreal colours. Bad. I would turn around and walk the other direction if I saw this on the street.

Vibes: 2/10

Aesthetic: 1/10

Horror: 8/10

Fuckability: 0/10

Overall, a generous 3/10. Please never make me look at Youppi! again.

Vancouver Canucks

Fin the Whale

They anthropomorphised a whale. That feels like it should be a crime. Certainly the way they've gone about it is. Fin loses points for having his dorsal fin on the back of his head and not, y'know, his actual back. He also appears to have no tail which is a real shame. Tails are a great design choice in almost every situation. I do like the sharp teeth and red tongue, though. Very suggestive. This feels like a missed opportunity. Fin could have been a lot better but they took the easy path instead of the interesting one. Boo you, Canucks design team.

Vibes: 7/10

Aesthetics: 4/10

Horror: 5/10

Fuckability: 6/10

Overall, 5.5/10. I really wanted to like this more. I'm going to think about Ethan Bear for a minute to cheer myself up.

San Jose Skarks

S J Sharkie

No points for originality on the name, but for literally everything I just said about Fin? Sharkie gets it right. His dorsal fin is in the right place, he has shark elements beyond his head with those little elbow fins. Clear evidence that it's possible to make a weird sea creature/man hybrid without being boring AF. The head is a weird shape, but I'm feeling too much goodwill towards Sharkie right now to really mind. Nice teeth, too. I would have loved to have seen rows of teeth, maybe with some missing for a real hockey feel.

Vibes: 8/10

Aesthetics: 8/10

Horror: 6/10

Fuckability: 8/10

Overall, 7.5/10. A good score for a very smooth boy. Smooth in every direction.

Arizona Coyotes

Howler the Coyote

Hims feets too big for hims gotdamn shoes! I haven't ever actually seen a coyote before, so I had to go looking for a comparison. Conclusion? Why is his face so wide? I do like the very pointy nose, though. We've seen too many soft faced predators, this boy has a SNOUT. Got some lil teefies too, I like that. And a tail. I keep coming back to the feet busting out of the shoes though, like some teen wolf knock off. I kinda love it.

Vibes: 9/10

Aesthetics: 8/10

Horror: 4/10

Fuckability: 8/10

Overall, 7/10. Very good showing for a pointy faced doggo who needs new shoes.

Columbus Blue Jackets

Stinger

Help. Serously, please help me. Look at this thing. It's a bug, meant to be a play on blue jackets/yellow jackets. But I don't know what a yellow jacket is so any cleverness is kind of lost on me. This is HORRIBLE. They really went all in on making this unpleasant and I can applaud that, even as I hate it viscerally. And I do. The eyes, the butt, the rictus grin, the colour... It is offensive to mine eyeballs. I love it. One note, they should have given it another set of limbs.

Vibes: 1/10

Aesthetics: 10/10

Horror: 8/10

Fuckability: 0/10

Overall, 5/10. Awful. I can't look away.

Honourable mention to Boomer, the other Blue Jackets mascot who is just an anthropomorphic cannon. Great moustache. I wonder if Johnny Gaudreau is afraid of it.

Anaheim Ducks

Wild Wing

I do not believe that Wild Wing's designer had ever seen a duck. I'm not sure that the person who described duck to the designer or Wild Wing had ever seen a duck either. I think the description of a duck may have passed through as many as 15 people who had never seen a duck before reaching Wild Wing's designer. Oh Holly, you're so harsh. It's a duck in a hockey mask. OK, so they hadn't seen a modern hockey mask either. I like the mean expression, somehow through a mask, the Donald Duck-esque nudity, and the feet design. Almost a horse-sized duck.

Vibes: 7/10

Aesthetics: 6/10

Horror: 5/10

Fuckability: 4/10

Overall, 5.5/10. You're no good, duck. You'll never be shit. You're just like your father.

Chicago Bad Team

Tommy Hawk

That's a turkey.

Vibes: 0/10

Aesthetics: 0/10

Horror: 0/10

Fuckability: 0/10

0/10. Boo.

[lemonthepotato]

I Understand Goodbye Volcano High Now: A Short, Positive Review (Rambling)

When I first learned about this game, it was while watching a Dumbsville video on Life Is Strange 3, another game I enjoy. I have a peculiar interest in watching critiques of things I like. After watching his review, I found the concept and ending of this game to be humorously flawed. Intrigued, I decided to experience it firsthand. However, after only ten minutes, I found myself losing interest. I shared my thoughts on Discord, stating, and I quote:

“So I heard about this game called Goodbye Volcano High, and I opened a playthrough on YouTube to watch, got 10 minutes in and got bored. Read a review of it, and apparently it’s a story about a group of friends, emotional drama, blah blah blah, high school shit. And the ending, no matter your choices? THEY GET WIPED OUT BY AN ASTEROID. DID I MENTION ALL THE CHARACTERS ARE DINOSAURS. Oh that’s hilarious. I could get some ironic enjoyment if the dialogue didn’t feel so… stiff to listen to. I love it. Edit: Ok basically I’m 50/50 on this being either the best game or worst game ever. Imagine sitting through hours of choices about relationships and dynamics and then they get hit by a fucking asteroid. Edit: never mind this game is peak.”

So how did I change my mind only 40 minutes in? Let’s go on the journey. Who knows? Maybe YOU will change your mind.

Please note: I haven't personally played the game yet. I typically prefer to watch a playthrough before diving in, particularly for narrative-driven games like Life Is Strange or The Quarry. While it may seem unconventional, this approach allows me to provide insights on the story rather than technical aspects.

In fact, I will share the notes I took while watching.

At the 40-minute mark, I found the game to be peak during the tarot reading. The presence of foreshadowing indicated that the game had a deeper message to convey. I will admit though, the designs took some getting used to, the forward-facing Fang was a bit overwhelming. Perhaps the art team could have toned down the dinosaur features while maintaining their overall essence. It felt somewhat uncanny, (although I must admit it grew on me by the end.)

I appreciate the little moments in this game, like how Fang's small mishap with the MIDI controller caused a strong reaction. Pal, there’s a thing called “handle the situation with a thorough and careful cleaning rather than a light rub.” I love them, my little over dramatic iconic blorbo.

Massive kudos and praise to the talented artist responsible for the captivating visuals in this game. You’re a champ. Now, for the animation itself. Personally, I believe that animation is an incredibly challenging field, so I refrain from criticizing animators. The exceptional artwork compensates for any perceived shortcomings in animation, in my opinion. While the dinosaur aesthetic may not be my personal preference, I admire the creativity behind it. And you know, a criticism…

I often come across, is the criticism that Naomi's crush on Fang wasn't evident. However, personally, I believe there are several instances of foreshadowing that hint at their connection. Even if I were unaware of the plot twist, I might have still guessed it. It is amusing, though, that Fang is comfortable conversing with an unknown number.

Anyway, why do I cough and get wheezy when I eat?

Why are all the songs in this game so goood? They cut off suddenly sometimes, but still. Are they on Spotify? I’d love to listen to these. Honestly, I feel this games predictions isn’t too far off. If a meteor were to attack us, we would act non-chalant. Make memes. Older people wouldn’t care or comfort their younger kids. Everyone would pretend it’s okay.

While it may be, and probably just is coincidental, the presence of an intersex flag pattern on Trish's shirt in the F&F game has led me to a new headcanon about Trish. <3 Look, I just think it’s worth noting that intersex individuals often lack representation beyond being included as an "I" in acronyms. So even if it’s probably coincidence, I like it.

So it looks like this is the big reveal, with Naomi making the same dress the mysterious number showed Fang. And it seems like Reed is really down about the comet situation, and now it's all coming to a head. But the thing is, what can they even do? It's like no one wants to take action or even acknowledge it. I'm not an optimist, but there has to be something we as a species could do if an asteroid was heading towards Earth.

The tarot earlier was forgotten about, which is a shame, because I thought it was going to be explained. I forgot what it was so I can’t even google it. But yeah “death” isn’t good.

Perhaps I'm biased towards Fang, but saying "fuck off" doesn’t really sound that severe when Naomi was kinda being a bit of a dick. While Naomi had a valid point, she also seemed dismissive of others' aspirations. Personally, I might have responded more harshly in that situation, which is why I struggle with friendships haha… Additionally, I didn't fully agree with Trisha placing all the blame on Fang for not understanding her feelings. Fang can't read minds, but it's a complicated situation given their denial. But still- unlike Trisha, Naomi’s outburst seems… sudden? Less justifiable? Maybe I wasn’t reading in between the lines enough. At least everyone made up in the end. Coolio.

Wow, that ending. My interpretation is as follows. It’s better to be together than alone in times of hardship. Life is fleeting, and we could lose it any-day. We need to live for the moment, not for the future. We need to live our dreams, not just wait for them to happen. When destiny fucks you, you fuck it harder, essential.

Overall, a sincere 5/5 game. The problems are so little for me, and I say that as someone who criticises EVERYTHING. My only complaints is that MY ship wasn’t validated /j. Nah, I have very few.

Pry my ship from my cold dead hands, essentially.

Ranking:

Story: 4/5

Art: 5/5

Game Mechanics: Again, I only watched a walkthrough, so I can’t comment on that.

Pacing: 3/5.

Overall: 5/5.

I don’t normally do reviews. But well, this was an exception. I did use an AI to make my points more professional sounding, but most of what I wrote was from the heart, raw.

Why do people hate this game? It’s what I call the High Guardian Spice Effect. People get a bad first impression, so judge the final product too harshly. Granted, I think HGS isn’t as good as GVH, tbh. I thought HGS was okay. Good, even. Not great, flawed in many ways. But it was pretty average. But GVH? I think it’s a worse case. While HGS had a questionable trailer, GVH didn’t really have many red flags. People just didn’t like that it had anthropomorphic gay people in it, so judged it because of that.

I went in thinking I would hate this, but I loved it. I can’t wait to see what KO-OP has in store for the future.

Because I only watched a playthrough and haven’t played it for myself, I don’t know how much different dialogue options affect the story. I guess I’ll have to see for myself, one day. For now? I’m going to give my recommend/don’t recommend status. If you like story driven games, small interactions, slow-pacing (too slow for some, which I understand) and want a surprisingly wholesome apocalypse story? Check it out. If not? Understandable. Not every game is for everyone, and no game is without flaw. Even though I enjoyed GVH, I don’t regret watching that review I did. Didn’t I tell you? I love watching media I like getting criticised. It gives me a lot to think about. But I just think the story works for me. And while the story may have a “sad ending,” it’s the journey that matters. Can’t that be said for life itself? The meteor may have hit, but it’s everything in between that matters.

Although, yes, portraying it like your choices impact the ending may have not been the best decision. Then again, “nothing you do matters” is probably a bit hard to sell. Anyway, that’s all I have to say. I’m gonna go do my Duolingo lesson (2099 streak baby) Feel free to tell me I’m wrong though. Or right. I guess.

[sunshine-overload]

[BSTS] Sinju Resort 4* Card Story

POOL DATE (note: Team P were requested to perform at a resort facility.)

chapter 1 -resort poolside-

sinju: Ah, Saki-chan!

saki: What’s up, Sinju-san?

sinju: If you’d like do you want to look around the pool with me?

saki: Sure.

sinju: Really? Thanks! I know it’s a bit sudden but there’s a place I want to check out, it’s over there!

-they move-

sinju: I’ve been interested in trying this water slide ever since we got here. I wanted to try going down it with you. So I’m glad I finally managed to ask you!

saki: Fufu, it looks fun.

sinju: I haven’t been on any water slides apart from those small ones you see at public pools, so I wonder what this one will be like.

saki: Ah, looks like it’s almost our turn.

-they go down the water slide-

sinju: Wow, that was so much fun! I didn’t think we’d go that fast!

saki: You really went for it.

sinju: Heheh, did you like it too?

saki: It felt nice riding the flow of water down.

sinju: Yeah! You really get swept away by it. This place really is huge though, huh. To receive an offer from such a fancy facility must mean they have high expectations for us. Hm? This flower…

saki: Is something the matter?

sinju: These white flowers are all over the place here.

saki: They have a southern country aesthetic and are quite pretty aren’t they?

sinju: True, they do! I wonder what these flowers are called. We use them as decoration in the show too… I’ll have to make sure to find out later. I’ll learn their meaning and incorporate it into my performance!

saki: Fufu, I’ll be looking forward to it.

sinju: Thanks, I’ll do my best!

-

chapter 2 -backstage room-

saki: Hello, Sinju-san. Your show starts soon doesn’t it?

sinju: Good timing, Saki-chan. I wanted to talk about this.

saki: Oh, that flower…

sinju: Yeah, I finally know what they’re called now. It’s a frangipani.

saki: I see.

-cg

sinju: I learnt that each of its five petals has a meaning attached. Kindness, unity, hapiness, modesty and perseverance. Meaning that no matter who the other person, we should treat each other with respect and kindness.

saki: That’s so cool, I didn’t know each petal had a meaning.

sinju: Yeah, I think it’s neat too. I wish I looked up what they meant sooner since we’re getting up on stage whilst wearing these flowers. I’m glad I found out before the show though. When I first learnt the meaning of the frangipanis I felt a rush of emotions.

saki: Emotions?

sinju: Yeah, it’s as if they’re saying every person’s feelings and individuality bloom into a single flower. I thought that it was similar to Team P. But not only that, I thought that I need to give it my all in order to convey that feeling to the audience!

saki: I’m sure you’ll succeed, I’m excited to see the show.

sinju: Thanks! I’ll show you I can make it happen, so please support me.

—end

[fairytail-multishipper]

Team Natsu Rare Pair Weekend 2023

For this particular event, a list will be included below of the ships not eligible for this event!

Event Information

Dates: July 7 - July 10

Submissions: Anything and everything - art, fics, poetry, amvs, headcanons, manga colorings, aesthetics, etc.

Prompts: These are for inspiration only, feel free to use your own!

💕Day 1 - Confessions

💛 Day 2 - Reunite

🖤 Day 3 - Tease

❤️ Day 4 - Laughter

Event Tag: Use the tag teamnatsurarepairweek in your first five so I can see it, or feel free to mention my blog, @fairytail-multishipper :))

Extra Info: This event is open to all ships including brotps, lgbtq, and poly.

Rules:

No Wendy-centric content - The only two age appropriate characters (Cheila & Romeo) to ship with Wendy are both popular ships and not rarepairs :((

No character bashing, no incest, no human/exceed, and no pedophilia

All entries must be original to the blog posting, no plagiarism

Late entries will be accepted

Please Reblog to spread the word!

@ftguildevents @ft-reboost @fairytailevents @fairytail-rarepairs

Ships Not Accepted Below ⬇️

❤️Erza/Jellal

❤️Erza/Mirajane

❤️Erza/Lucy💛

🖤Gray/Erza❤️

🖤Gray/Lucy💛

🖤Gray/Juvia

💛Lucy/Cana

💛Lucy/Cobra | Erik

💛Lucy/Juvia

💛Lucy/Laxus

💛Lucy/Loke

💕Natsu/Gray🖤

💕Natsu/Lisanna

💕Natsu/Lucy💛

[howlingday]

Yang seeing the barmaid (Tifa) that gave her a run for her money, only for her to find out that she's Jaune's mom.

"So what's so great about this place?" Yang asked, leaning on her elbow.

She and her team were dragged here by Jaune the second he heard it was open. Vomit Boy visibly bristled at the comment.

"It's rustic." He huffed. "It's supposed to let people experience a country bar aesthetic without leaving the city."

"Sounds boring." Yang yawned. Jaune furrowed his brow. "What, are we 'sposed to start square dancin' soon as the hootenanny starts?" She feigned a spit to her side, making Weiss reel in disgust.

"I'm going to the bathroom." Jaune said, stepping past his team.

"Later!" Yang waved him off, looking at the menu one more time. Yup, same ol' boring steaks. She looked around, studying the unappealing, yet strangely bizarre environment.

She expected the place to be full of old fashioned cowboy aesthetic junk, which it was, but was surprised to find a bunch of other stuff on the wall, too. A stuffed Zola head above the bar, a couple of tickets to Gold Saucer framed and hung up by the bathroom, and a staff of some kind behind the bar, where the owner was serving drinks.

Most bizarre to Yang was the owner was smokin' hot, too! Yang actually felt a little envy looking at the older woman rocking black jean shorts and suspenders. The white T-shirt did nothing to conceal her size, either. But for some reason, when she elbowed Jaune about making a move, he recoiled in disgust. Must be someone he knew, since he pointed her out as the owner before.

The buxom woman left the bar after a young man took her place. Everyone with eyes ogled her for at least two seconds as she past. Yang wasn't into older women, but even she had to admit that she was fine as wine. She approached their table.

"Welcome to Eleventh Heaven." She said as she stepped up and pulled out a notepad. "What can I get you started on today?"

"I'll have a strawberry sunrise, with a little umbrella, please." Yang replied.

The woman's eyes narrowed on the black mark on Yang's wrist. Jaune insisted they be honest about their ages, but to her ire. The owner wagged her pencil at her.

"You sure you're old enough?"

"Ah, I'll be fine." Yang smirked. "Not the first time I've had one."

"That's not what I asked." She scowled. "Unless the doorman mistook you for a minor without checking your ID, I'm not serving you alcohol."

Yang was going to murder Jaune after tonight.

"Do you have milk?" Ruby asked, looking at the menu. "Because I saw you can order a milkshake."

"Yeah, but those are reserved for the milkshakes." The owner answered. "Can I get you a milkshake?"

"Sure!" Ruby smiled, recieving a smile from the woman as well.

Weiss was boring and ordered water, while Blake ordered an iced tea. Nora also ordered a milkshake, and Ren also ordered tea. Yang decided to order the soda.

"And what about you, Miss?" The woman asked Pyrrha.

"Oh, I really should wait for-"

"Oh, relax, Pyrrha." Yang interrupted. "If Vomit Boy isn't here, we'll just order a water for him."

"Well, aren't you rude?" The woman wrinkled her nose. "I don't appreciate punks in my bar."

"And I don't appreciate hags being a buzzkill." Yang countered.

"Oh, you don't want me to throw you out." The owner replied, baring her teeth in a snarl.

"Like you could even try." Yang smiled wide. She didn't know why, but looking at this hag really irritated her. Like someone she really wanted to beat the tar out of.

"Believe me, Princess," she leaned closer, "I won't have to try."

"Don't order without me!" Jaune hurried over, stopping at the table. "Hey, Mom!"

Everyone's jaw dropped as he gave her a quick side-hug, smiling sweetly as she did the same.

"Guys, meet my mom." Jaune said as he stepped away.

"Call me Tifa." Jaune's mom kindly said. She then frowned and pointed a pencil at Yang. "Except you. You call me Mrs. Lockheart, or ma'am."

"Whatever you say, ma'am." Yang smugly replied.

"On second thought, only call me Mrs. Lockheart." Tifa replied.

"What's going on?" Jaune asked.

"Yang and your mom really don't like each other." Nora answered. "Which is weird because I saw her staring at her pretty hard earlier."

"Really?" Jaune asked. He suddenly paled. "Oh my god..."

"What?" Tifa asked.

"N-Nothing, nothing." Jaune waved off. "I'll just have a water."

"Okay, sweetie." She then pecked his cheek. "I'll be back with your drinks."

"Thanks, Mom." Jaune then sat down at the table as his mother left. He took a deep breath. "Yang."

"Yeah?"

"Please don't flirt with my mom." The table erupted in laughter as Yang blushed red.

"Wait, wait, wait!" Ruby said between gasps. "You were flirting with her? I thought you were trying to fight her!"

"Oh, she wants to fight her alright." Nora teased. "A little one-on-one wrestling with Mama Arc."

Yang and Jaune covered their faces, both in separate, yet equally intense embarrassment.

[witch-hazels-musings]

(please, this event is so cute and all the headers are so aesthetic ㅠㅠ)

hi there hazel, i just had a nice cup of coffee and four particular symbols lingered in there: an anchor, a square, a boat and a ladder… ah, this scent really reminds me of home…

since doing a reading on my own is no fun, i wanted to ask my fellow witch to join me ♡

say, hazel, do you mind diving a reading for me?✧.*

aroma: coffee (domestic) | symbols: square (comfort), boat (unexpected visits), anchor (stable love life), ladder (travel) 

:: childe x gn reader | sfw - fluff | tasseography event | thank you, F, for your help on this (I needed your guidance more than you’ll know!) 

“Haha, that was incredible!” you shouted, fingers gripping on Childe’s clothes with excitement. 

“You know us, we make an incredible team,” he beamed, radiant eyes flashing across your face. 

“We do.” You grinned as you reached up to rub a bit of red off his cheek. The color smudged so you pressed harder until it was gone. “You’d think for someone as skilled as you are, you’d learn not to get so messy.” 

“Ah,” he began, the back of his hand running across his mouth and removing a few other droplets you missed, “but you’ve never seen how magnificent it looks on a snow-white backdrop.” 

“How poetic, but you do remember we have to go into town later? I don’t think they’ll appreciate all ... well, this.” 

“Maybe, but they’d think twice about messing with us,” he winked making you roll your eyes. 

“Mmhm,” you patted his chest before slipping away from him. The adrenaline in your veins still pulsing through you. Even though the enemies were long gone, you could still feel the power of your strikes, the strength of your legs as you dodged out of the way. It was such a rush that you had to bounce to get rid of the extra energy. “Man, that was a good fight.” 

"Haha, it was heart pounding. We worked up quiet a sweat!” 

“It was awesome - like when we bumped into each other but you rolled me over your back to get a better position. I turned and slashed that thing, like, ‘ah!’” you demonstrated by swiping your arm across the now empty field.  

“How about you? It’s been a long time since I saw someone slide between my legs like that just to knock their enemy on the ground.” 

“It was a split-second tactic,” playfully, you bit your lip as you looked at him, “did it startle you?” 

“HA!” He scoffed, hand on his stomach as he laughed at the ridiculousness of your comment, “a warrior must be ready for anything. Even a scrawny one like you couldn’t throw me off my game.” 

“Whatever. Rude.” You shoved him but he didn’t seem affected by your comment. Honestly, even though he was poking fun, you were having a blast remembering it. The more you thought the more excited you were as the highlights of the fight flashed in your mind. “Well what about that crazy backward shot you pulled off?!” 

“Oh yeah, that was a little something new I was trying out.” 

“It was so cool! I got a little worked up just watching you.” Childe’s cheeks turned a soft shade of pink, he rubbed the back of his head as if your attention was ruffling his ego a little to much, or maybe he had other thoughts fluttering around in his mind.

“Come on.” He finally said after grabbing your head and forcibly spinning you around. It made you stumble but he ensured you wouldn’t fall. “You know, with your capabilities, we might just find ourselves conquering the world in no time.” 

You burst into laughter, “I don’t know if I’m ready for that. There are some powerful fighters out there.” 

“Everyone has a weakness,” he explained as he threw his arm over your shoulder. The two of you started the walk back to the city and while you tried to remove a few blood stains from your clothes, he let his thoughts wander. "if you keep fighting you can easily find your opponents. And if you were to face them one-on-one, there’s not chance you’ll fail.” 

“Maybe for you. I still have a long way to go.” 

“Um, I admit that’s true -” 

“Hey!” 

“But, but!” he cut back in, chuckling softly at your serious face, “as long as you’ve got me, we can’t lose.” 

“What happens if I don’t got you, hmm? ” you asked, slipping out from under his arm and dashing forward on the path. You were playing, teasing, but the question was lingering in the air. 

“That’ll be an interesting day indeed,” he replied, picking up his pace so he could hoist you over his shoulder and give you a little shake. 

You yelped, your voice struggling to make it through glee-filled laughter, “I just cleaned my clothes!” 

“I’ll buy you new ones!” and you were sure he would. 

all works & ideas created by Hazel, recreations, reposts not allowed even with credit provided 

[venturismcdonald]

Alright you, I am totally willing to chat with you about Derek Venturi's vibe being "folklore" by Taylor Swift. I'm gonna end up listening to that album again this weekend while thinking about him, my favourite blorbo, and internally screaming while I work retail; and I both blame AND thank thee.

Okay, yes, because here's the thing: folklore is an album full of contradictions and really fucking confusing plotlines and self doubt while simultaneously believing in oneself above all else and that is Derek Venturi to a t. (He's also Midnights but that's a conversation for another day.) Please add your thoughts to this somewhat comprehensible thing I wrote about this!

Literally ever since the thought came to me all I have been able to think is Derek being every song and I have ✨thoughts✨ on it.

the 1: alright, look, Derek is aware that people *think* he's cool. But the thing is, he's had two serious relationships in his entire life. Sally was cool, he thinks he loved her, in the fearless way someone loves when they're sixteen and might have had feelings for their stepsister at the same time. Being with Sally was cool, but he knew it never would've worked out long term because... *vaguely hand gestures to his brain, which must be at least 20% Casey.* It's not that Derek regrets being with and loving Sally, he's just aware it wasn't forever and was never meant to be. He always felt like he had to be better around her, to be a version of himself that didn't prank Casey and start wars with the football team (even though, hello, they're football players, Sally, they totally deserve it! Max is annoying and an ass and not a good partner to Casey and football is a terrible sport that only narcissistic egomaniacs who should be spouting the Star Spangled fucking Banner play), a version of himself that was soft and kind and just not Derek. He can be those things, but not all the time. His love language is fond insults.

cardigan: this one is how he feels a lot of the time. As a society, we've acknowledged this is a song about being used when someone needs something but not actually being what they need or want. That's how Derek feels. He's a god amongst men, alright, and that comes with people wanting him for something or another constantly. Do they care about him? Not really, but don't they do a damn good job of pretending? It's almost convincing. Just like the song.

the last great american dynasty: is he a woman named Rebekah living in Rhode Island after the death of her first husband? No, not to his knowledge. Does he fit the vibe of someone who decides that fuck it, he's going to spend the rest of his life doing a bunch of random hijinks with his friends and Casey and their pack of kids? Of course. That's literally Derek. He has dyed a dog key lime green (Casey didn't find it nearly as amusing as Derek and Molly did, because she is lame and needs to expand her horizons), he has decided to pace rocks just to look insane and aesthetic and he's certainly made questionable gambling decisions (hence Sky's conception. Use a condom, kids.)

exile: do you know how long this man spent pining after Casey?? If we take LWL into effect, it's twenty four years! And in those 24 years, Casey was never single longer than nine or ten months (because she's Casey and loves long term relationships and all the bullshit that comes with them because she's never done anything casually. Except the one time they fucked and he ran away to Paris and they never spoke of it again), which meant Derek had to watch her fall in love, over and over again, with different terrible men! Really, what was she thinking? A football captain, a douchebag who rated her (and only thought she was a six and a half, as if Derek would ever obsess over a six and a half! It's insulting), a guy who didn't have a personality and a neglectful husband have been her choices. He has to watch, from the sidelines, because she doesn't let him in after everything happened, after the fight and the sex and the avoidance. All he is to her is a stepbrother she once hooked up with. Nothing more. Meanwhile, his heart cracks every time he sees her and Peter on Facebook.

my tears ricochet: specifically the first verse is giving Derek vibes to me. He knows he can bring out every side of people effortlessly, he can read them like a book because Derek is so smart, it's just people smart! It's why he knows that he has to try and be the greatest (not that it takes much effort, but it's difficult some days) to get any attention, to get love from his parents and his family and everyone around him. Because everyone loves him conditionally and Derek is barely holding himself together. Scotch tape doesn't fix everything. But c'mon, Marti, Simon and Sky are the only people who have loved him without conditions, without terms of service. What else is he supposed to believe? That he's suddenly lovable and perfect and doesn't need to put in any effort ever because he's not a fuck up? That would erase literal decades of George, Abby and Nora's parenting.

seven: being a kid is fucking great, man. Even a kid whose parents don't like him, who make him feel like a fuck up because he had to repeat the first grade (look, alright, it's hard to focus and his brain won't because Derek is broken and he's aware. Moving on), a kid who tries so hard and never gets acknowledgement. And then his parents have Edwin! Just because! Edwin is planned, he's wanted, he's everything Derek isn't. But when Derek is seven, George and Nora start fighting more. He takes Ed (who's two) and they hide out in the backyard, in a shitty treehouse that'll probably result in a broken bone one day, playing pirates until Edwin falls asleep or the yelling stops, whichever comes first. Because being seven is also impossible. It's great in hindsight, but at the time? God, it sucks. He romanticizes it until he remembers having to scream so loud the neighbors thought something was wrong so George and Abby would stop fighting, remembers the time he broke his arm on the slide because they wouldn't get outside and play so he went first and they didn't even notice until three days later because they were in such an intense fight. Being seven was the best and worst of times and sometimes, Derek thinks it was his peak. In a weird competition, his parents would always try to shower him with love right after a fight. It didn't add up, but whatever, who is he to judge?

august: Derek is August. I need this to be known; he's the one waiting on a call, who desperately wants to get it and knows he won't. Casey won't call, she'll never call, because they fucked everything up, hooking up. He saw it clear as day on her face the morning after, it's why he went to fucking Paris. And honestly, he's never really a first choice, is he? He's always the backup guy, the guy who you drag out for looks but don't actually love. You'll pretend to, and you'll do a good job, but no one actually does and that's okay.

this is me trying: he tries, alright? It may not seem like it, with Derek being a solid D+ student, but he tries. So hard. It's not his fault that his fucking brain won't cooperate and he can't learn the useless stuff. Give him a hockey stick, he'll be so good you'll forget all about your problems, but don't make him do school. He hates it. The only topics he can learn about are the ones he's obsessed with (mythology, film, music, the history of video games that one summer, the bodice rippers Casey keeps under her pillow, Casey as a whole entity (this is entirely against his will. Believe him, his life would be so much easier if he didn't know so much about Casey and feel so much about her he cannot breathe and he can't talk about it so it just sits there, being a crushing weight on him because she is inconvenient! And annoying and the absolute worst!), hockey, all of Marti and Simon's interests, etc) and five paragraph essays do not fit that. But then there's the fact he practically is a parent to Marti, doing all the emotional and physical labor of one most of the time. He tries so hard to not fuck her up because he loves her so much. Ed's cool and he loves him, but Smarti's different, okay? When Derek met Edwin, he sort of just shrugged, loved the kid and failed to get him into anything cool. When he met Marti, Abby told him he'd be taking on responsibility and Derek took that seriously. He's uncharacteristically responsible with her. Marti is the fucking best. Derek tries so hard to not be obsessed with Casey, even though it feels like she's in his fucking bloodstream, she's running through him, she's a goddamn part of him and sometimes he wants to crawl inside of her skin and live there, because he knows she can't feel the same. Casey doesn't love him. Casey doesn't even like him! So he pranks her and grins and throws a fit when she dates Sam (which, seriously Sam? What a fucking betrayal, dude. The male code! It's a real thing and definitely not something he just pulled out of his ass so you wouldn't date his annoying and hot stepsister) and eventually tries to be a decent person because, for some reason, she doesn't give up on him. It's sickening.

illicit affairs: before Casey finalized her divorce with Peter, there was (shh, it's a secret, don't tell the family) an affair happening in her house. Take two guesses as to who it was. Derek and Casey? Brilliant. Yeah, it's an affair, and it makes Derek feel dirty, like all he's good for is being a secret boy toy, but he loves her so much that he'll take whatever she's giving, even if it's just bare scraps. Derek will break himself in half to help her, to make Casey feel better, and if being her mistress is how he does it, then it'll be fine. He won't panic about their future once her divorce is finalized at all.

invisible string: there is only one explanation for why Derek's felt so drawn to Casey since he first met her. She had a schoolgirl uniform on. Is it his kink? No, not particularly, but she's a hot girl in a schoolgirl uniform. He's not blind! But also, he met her and something in his brain lit up, some part he'd never known was there before, some part that made him want to be around her all of the time for some inexplicable reason. She's infected him like a cancer. It's evil. He loves it. There's something dragging them together constantly, and at his age of 38 (please don't mention it, he's coping poorly), he can admit it might be fate or the universe or whatever. Derek loves Casey and she loves him back. Has for decades, apparently. They should've pulled their heads out of their asses so much sooner, because they're in love and it's great and they go do all the cute coupley shit Derek used to swear he'd never do but in his defense: it's Casey and she lights up doing that bullshit and Derek is a total marshmallow when it comes to her. She even gets to steal his food! And watch her terrible reality shows during hockey games! This whole love thing has turned him into a disgusting sap of a person. Shoot him, please. He begs.

mad woman: Derek's spent enough time around women (Casey especially) to understand they are complex creatures. He'll never fully understand them, but he can try to. They get mad at... A lot, honestly, being a woman must be exhausting (Casey and Marti are constantly feeling things so deeply it's painful) and sometimes it's each other? He's not quite sure, but he knows they're mad. And when they are, do not mess with them. Even Casey, who is stupid hot when mad. The world is against women, apparently, so they get mad at that and the fact they have to pay for tampons (Derek ends up buying them, do not make it a thing) and having it be inferred they're just fucking insane. Which, to be fair, they are! Casey especially! But yeah, it's gotta be annoying, so he's trying to empathize and be feminist and other bullshit that Skyler has bullied him into.

epiphany: so here's the problem: Derek is aware he's had a pretty decent life, all things considered. No massive traumas, nothing a therapist should see him for. Still, he can't help but feel sometimes like there's a war being waged between his brain and the Canadian education system. It's fucking insane! School just doesn't work and Derek is broken because he doesn't get it, he doesn't understand, everything feels violent and he can't cope. Hence hockey, where he can hit things and people with sticks! Hockey is great! It's bloody and gorey and everything else Casey hates.

betty: oh boy. This one's a doozy. But it's not Derek's fault, he will maintain, that he accidentally pissed Casey off so much she won't talk to him. He made one joke about her divorce (which wasn't even that bad! The kids laughed! Simon laughed! Casey is the only one who didn't) and now she's stormed off and won't talk to him so obviously Derek needs to apologize. He hates apologies; they're lame and suck all the fun out of everything and they are the worst! But he does, and god, does he hope that it'll be enough for him to apologize by playing her a song he wrote and talking about his (ugh) feelings for her to kiss him in front of the kids and their parents and admit this is what she wants. Because this thing between them has always been on her terms, he's just along for the ride, but he'd really like to be with her forever.

peace: one of the few cons of being as amazing as Derek is that he doesn't get any privacy half the time. Neither do his romantic partners, as a result. He's aware of this and it's part of why he doesn't date anymore; it's too hard to find someone willing to deal with all of it. Once he and Casey officially get together, one of Derek's biggest fears is that she's going to realize he's not worth it. Because she'll never have a quiet, peaceful life that Casey deserves, not being with him. Everything will be an article and it's going to suck and Derek loves her. Will she be okay without getting that peace? He'd get it if she wasn't; it's okay, he won't hold it against her. She'll never get to live a normal life with him. When she tells him she'd rather insane with anyone else than normal with him, he may or may not shed a tear or two. Because he's not worth that, he isn't even close to worth the chaos that'll come with it, but Casey thinks he is for some reason, so Derek will keep trying to prove to her that he is. Every day for the rest of his goddamn life.

hoax: when love feels conditional and faithless, it's essentially a massive hoax. Derek doesn't believe in a love that'll exist with unwavering loyalty and faith and trust. It's not for him. Maybe for other people, but he doesn't get that. Everyone's love for him is a fake, a pretend, and Derek is great at pretending he doesn't know it. Love is bullshit, the kind they talk about in the movies. That doesn't exist for people like Derek. It exists for Marti and Casey and Edwin and Lizzie and Nora and George and hell, Abby and Dennis, but not for Derek. He's not wired to receive it. And he'll believe they all love him endlessly to go to sleep at night, waking up knowing it's a lie.

the lakes: sometimes, a man wants peace and quiet. He wants to go to an abandoned lake, write songs with his girlfriend, let the kids play and do whatever the fuck Luca and Sky do (he thinks Luca has a boyfriend?? It's confusing. He FaceTimes him a lot) and avoid people forever. And then Derek remembers how much he hates camping because urban hell scapes are his favorite thing, shrugs, and proceeds to overromanticize small New England towns until he goes to one. Let him have his fun, he's an artist. This is his muse.

[isleofdarkness]

"And how the shit are they supposed to know that?!" Maverick shouted, gesturing at where Hades was comforting a shaking Mara and sobbing Molly. "Molly is completely blind and Mara's vision isn't much better! I walk in here and they're pointing a fucking gun at the head of a completely blind and obviously extremely terrified seven-year-old child just trying to protect cos brother! The fuck do you expect me to do?! They fucking shot me for getting between them and a baby!"

She may have seemed furious, but Ben could see the frenzy and the glittering in her eyes. She wasn't angry, she was terrified.

"Fuck this, I'm calling in the big guns." Before he could ask what that meant, Maverick put her fingers to her temple and closed her eyes. "Maverick Mim to all points-" Mal and Evie startled, their hairs flying to their heads. "Beast's men are on the Isle. I don't know where they are and I don't know how many, so I'm calling a heavy DEFCON two until further notice. Be prepared for this to escalate to a DEFCON one." Her face was grim and seemed far too old. "And be prepared for evacuation."

Hook's daughter and the de Vil boy shared an unhappy look. The silver-haired girl gave them a watery smile. "It's okay, loves, go help. Your teams need you. Anthony and I will make sure our sunshine stays safe."

The Hook girl nodded and, as the de Vil boy wiped away the start of tears, gave the silver-haired girl and the Indian man a kiss, then dipped down to press a kiss to the forehead of the baby. "No matter what, Sunshine, remember that we love you. I'm sorry. Please, my beautiful girl, remember that all we want for you is the best. I love you."

The de Vil boy copied her, kissing the other two and then the baby. "Te amo, mi luz del sol. Nunca olvides eso."

I love you, my sunshine. Never forget that.

With only a final lingering glance at the baby, as though trying to remember her tiny face, the two left. The silver-haired girl let out a quiet sob.

When he looked back at Maverick, it was to see another tear harden into a diamond. Still, her voice didn't shake. "Maverick Mim to Exile. We're preparing to evacuate and I need as many as you can spare over here for defense. I'm sending Gonzalo over. Over and out." She glanced at Mara. "Maverick Mim to the Thirteen. I need you all in the bunker now. Over and out." She nodded to Facilier, who stepped through the doorway and seemed to vanish into thin air. "Maverick Mim to all members of Sanctum. We're preparing for a large-scale evacuation and we are in a heavy DEFCON two, likely going to go full nuclear. Get everyone you can to designated bunkers and await further instruction. Over and out." And then, after a moment of deliberation, she cursed. "Fuck it. Maverick Mim to Grandma Gert and Auntie Del. I need your help down here. It's Riah and I don't wanna take any chances. Over and out."

"Evacuate where?" How exactly were they going to evacuate anything, let alone have a "large-scale evacuation," if there was nowhere to evacuate to?

Maverick gave him a nasty look. "Well, sweetheart, I obviously can't tell you that because if you betray us and join your daddy in trying to wipe us out, you'll know exactly where to send your armies to wipe us out. Besides, it's not your business." She glanced behind them, back to the doorway, and Ben turned to see what she was looking at.

If he had thought Maverick was a tank, she was a cupcake compared to the absolute mountain of a woman who had appeared in the doorway.

The woman was easily a foot and a half taller than Ben and bigger than even Gaston, bigger than even his father in Beast mode- easily three hundred pounds of pure muscle. Her shoulders were broad enough that she must have needed to duck through the doorway, her arms as big as a linebacker's leg and her long legs like tree trunks, and her build was strong- not the aesthetic-but-weak muscle of a bodybuilder, but the strong, broad frame of a strongman, like Maui. Her amber face was grave, her red-painted lips pulled into a concerned frown, her heavy, dark red eyebrows drawn, her blood-red eyes tight. She was in full black-and-gold armour and had a massive sword strapped to her hip- that thing must have been as big as Mara- a black-and-gold helmet with a skull faceplate held in one massive hand.

He was so shocked by the tank woman that it took him a second to realize that she wasn't alone. Behind her, with skin so dark she seemed to melt into the shadows, was an Indian woman with curly black hair that went down to her shoulders, and black eyes that made Ben feel as though he was drowning. Her armour was more skin-tight and black, like Cassandra's black rock armour, and she had black leather belts crossed across her torso and slung on her hips with dozens of black throwing daggers.

The third was younger, maybe thirteen, with sly, slanted features. Her eyes were emerald green and sparkled with mischief, and her mouth was wide with thin lips that seemed ready to smirk. She had the longest hair, a thick red braid that went down to her knees, and she was dressed in light, ninja-like clothes for easier movement. She gave him a resentful look, then raised her hand to make an L shape on her forehead.

Somehow, that kindergarten insult genuinely hurt.

"Are you prepared for evacuation?" Maverick asked, leg bouncing nervously.

The tank nodded. "Everything's ready and Circe and Medusa are doing everything they can so you'll have more than you need. The second you make the call, we're ready."

"Thank the gods." The three women shared a smirk. "Justice, I want you and Hades to stay with Riah, let me know the second he's awake. Dawn, I want you in the hall. Hati, I need you to arm the hospital with every trick you've got. Where the fuck is-"

"Lydia?" A child stepped out from behind the tank. She was absolutely tiny, barely five feet tall even with her thick platforms, and thin, with choppy, raven-black hair and strange, green-grey eyes. Gods, she was absolutely tiny- she couldn't have been older than ten! And yet she was covered in blood, most of it fresh. "Maddy was being a bitch as usual. If you hadn't called DEFCON she wouldn't've let me leave. I got two hours or else Constantine..." she grimaced. "Yeah, you know. Now, what happened?"

Oh gods, they had called a child in to screen Riah for internal bleeding. Maverick didn't seem to find anything wrong with it. "He's got von Willebrand and he fell down the stairs, we just want to make sure he's alright."

"Got it. Shouldn't take longer than fifteen, I'll meet you in the commons when the assessment is done. I need Mordred with me. Gotta make sure the kid stays asleep." She stepped further into the room and glared up at Ben. "The fuck do you think you're staring at, Blondie?"

"You're a child."

She moved faster than he could think, grabbing him by the arm and twisting it behind his back, kicking his legs to bring him to his knees. She leaned close, speaking directly into his ear. "Motherfucker, I'm seventeen. And I know more about blood than you ever will. And if I didn't have a patient, I would show your dumb ass exactly why my name is feared on this godsforsaken rock. Now. Get. Out."

"Get his ass, Lydia." The tank strolled into the room and leaned against the wall. If she was staying, that would make her Justice.

Lydia let him go and Jay quickly helped him to his feet. "Trust me, man, you don't want to get into it with that one."

As Jay ushered his out of the room, Ben glanced back over his shoulder at the small girl talking quietly to Hades.

Oh gods, she was seventeen.

[little-peril-stories]

Character Backstory Playlist Tag

I was tagged in this post by @mysticstarlightduck. Thanks for the tag!

Rules: Pick 5 songs you feel represent/inspired your OCs' backstories, or just otherwise fit their past's vibe/aesthetic. Choose as many or as few OCs as you want.

I'm leaving this an OPEN TAG - please play if you want, and let me know if you do! 💕

So I did once make a playlist for The Prince of Thieves (find it here), but it is a typical WIP playlist - not backstory-focused. (I *did* steal a few songs from there, though.) So this was a fun challenge!

Will and Jamie Wardrew

Tough to be a Dreamer by Felix Hagan & The Family

I built my castle on broken dreams, and as time goes by, I must admit it seems that I was sold a lie.

In the Meantime by Randall Kent

You’ve got a friend when times get mean; yeah, in the meantime, I’m on your team.

Same Suit, Different Tie by The Maine

All done up in my hand-me-down clothes, shaking off the dust and assuming a pose. Well, these threads are so old, but they'll never know. No one will ever know.

Is It Really You? by Loathe and Sleep Token

Face away, deal with the pain your own way.

Some Days by Brent Morgan

Some days I'm overwhelmed. Some days I'm lost inside this hell.

Bree Cooper / Breanna Hatchett

Sleepless Nights by Faber Drive

Put yourself in her position; all she needs is recognition. Love's not enough when you say it. Don't you know you gotta mean it?

Because of You by Kelly Clarkson

I will not make the same mistakes that you did; I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery… I was so young; you should have known better than to lean on me.

Running Away by Midnight Hour

I'll never let you find me; I'm leaving you behind with the past. No, I won't look back.

All I've Ever Known from Hadestown

I was alone so long, I didn't even know that I was lonely. Out in the cold so long, I didn't even know that I was cold.

(Un)Lost by The Maine

And you are not allowed to be anybody else. Control what you can and confront what you can't, and always remember how lucky you are to have yourself.

Colette Meunier

Boulangerie by Recent Rumours

She's gone, she's gone, she's gone; she's not coming back.

The Man by Taylor Swift

I'm so sick of running as fast as I can, wondering if I'd get there quicker if I was a man.

mars by YUNGBLOOD

She can't be herself when she's somebody else... Do you feel like you're irrelevant?

Perfect by Simple Plan

Hey, Dad... Did I grow up according to plan? Now it's just too late, and we can't go back. I'm sorry I can't be perfect.

Safe by All Time Low

Gotta take your time, find your space.

Geoff Marks

3 Hours of White Noise

Bonus Songs

Jamie & Will: I Steal Everything from Twisted: The Untold Story of a Royal Vizier

Want food, but got no money? I’m screwed, or so it would seem… That’s why I came up with this brilliant scheme! Just steal everything!

Bree & Colette: What the Hell by Avril Lavigne

All my life I've been good, but now I'm thinking, "What the hell?"

Will: I Will Follow You Into the Dark by Death Cab for Cutie

In Catholic school, as vicious as Roman rule, I got my knuckles bruised by a lady in black, and I held my tongue as she told me, "Son, fear is the heart of love," so I never went back.

Will: Where Dreams Go to Die by The Downtown Fiction

Teacher thinks you're rude, says, "I don't like your attitude." Well, maybe you're just condescending. But bring us up to follow rules and throw us all in cubic rooms - but we're not gonna sit by idle.

Breanna H: According to You by Orianthi

According to you, I'm stupid, I'm useless, I can't do anything right

Me begging my sisters for song recs because I had NO CLUE…