snakestarr

[anti-transphobia]

What it's like being a narcissist in a group chat with other narcissists

[raincamp]

personality disorders in Avatar: The Last Airbender

i just rewatched The Beach episode of ATLA and i realized something during the fireside traumadumping scene. Ty-lee, Mae, Azula, and Zuko all represent each of the 4 personality disorders in cluster B.

Azula is NPD (narcissistic), feelings of inadequacy, jealousy, a need to feel superior, and to be perfect. she usually puts on her grandiose shell; she has a duty to represent herself as fire nation royalty, and it's rare we see any of her feelings at all. but the shell was cracking in The Beach, and her vulnerable self was showing. she admitted to feeling jealous of ty-lee, and even more amazingly, she showed a little bit of empathy for zuko, even if it was an act, it was still a roundabout way to show that she does care and does have feelings. we even see her admit to feeling like a monster, inherently flawed. a common sentiment for a lot of people with NPD.

Ty-lee is HPD (Histrionic), being raised in a family of ten other people who looked exactly like her, she was always invisible. as Mae said, she has "attention issues" of course she did, how could anyone pay attention to her when she was seen as just like all of her other sisters. In the beach, we see her relishing in the attention that she gets from the boys around her, as she makes them feel like they have a more intimate connection than they actually do. she chooses to wear bright pinks and draw attention to herself instead of blending in and wearing reds and dark browns like everyone else in the fire nation.

Zuko is BPD (Borderline), being abandoned by his father at a young age, we see zuko consistently push away the one person who cares about him (Iroh) because he sees any lack of support in his mission to capture the avatar as a form of abandonment, despite his uncle's continuing emotional support. in The Beach this abandonment trauma is shown with his insecurity in his relationship with Mae. When he sees her talking to another guy at the party he automatically assumes that Mae has moved on and that this guy is her new boyfriend.

Mae is ASPD (antisocial), this is the one i know the least about, i'm still learning about it, but i've read a lot of personal accounts of pwASPD who talk about an inability to feel emotion, or empathy, or to care about anything. this is Mae's biggest character trait, she's always talking about how much she doesn't care about anything, she hates that nothing exciting happens, she "doesn't hate" zuko because she can't feel love for him, but she knows that he's the exception to everyone else in her life.

maybe im not the first to point this out, but if i was a psychologist i would do a much deeper analysis of this. it almost feels intentional, but maybe it was just a happy coincidence on the writers' parts. just thought it was interesting

[heraldofcrow]

Alright then you lil shit. 42, 37, 21, 6 and 5 for Micolash 👀

OOOOO! Now we’re talking!!

~

5: Best personality trait

For Micolash, it was his devotion as a human being to whatever he loved or believed in. Yes, this devotion became twisted in his later life, but Mico did not play around when it came to his loyalties. In his early life, he dedicated far more time and energy than was needed to his disabled sister, Rom—whom he loved more than life itself.

He also showed such devotion to his work, his intellect, his studies, and anything he decided was worth his time. He dedicated entire parts of his life to certain pursuits and people, which sometimes even led to health and mental neglect on his part, but one thing was certain—if you earned Micolash’s love and respect, he would sacrifice the world for you.

It’s unfortunate that when he had no one left to care about, his research and ascension were the things he sacrificed the world for.

6: Worst personality trait

Micolash’s eventually-warped lack of empathy for other humans is his fatal flaw and the worst part of his personality. From childhood, he did not empathize with others in a normal way, but it’s possible he could have learned and developed into someone that could manage this restriction. It was not immediately harmful.

However, Micolash’s dark path of anger, bitterness, and rejection led to him developing some very narcissistic and cruel tendencies that were allowed to prosper more easily thanks to his missing empathy. He could treat humans like cattle and objects without any qualms, because it was a necessary sacrifice for his great pursuits and he felt no hesitation about it.

21: Drink of choice (not just alcoholic)

Usually just bitter black tea every morning. No sugar, no milk; just a quick shock of herbal caffeine.

If he did want to have some liquor, he’d just drink some cognac, but nothing else, really.

37: What they really think about themselves

When adult Micolash isn’t talking to himself and others about his plans to be the greatest mind of his time and the scientist to change the world, when he isn’t thinking about how brilliant he is; when he truly puts aside his arrogance and narcissism, looking very deep into himself…he hates what he sees.

He hates the truth of his being, which was that he was always just a neglected, lonely child that was destined to end up alone. Sure, he masks it behind the philosophy of necessary sacrifice and the illusion that he cares nothing for anyone besides himself and his legacy, but in truth, he did care about certain people once, and he lost them. He thinks he is a worthless waste of life for that, but it’s too late to admit any of this now. He has to transcend it all!

42: 3 comfort items

When they were children, Rom and Micolash kept jars full of blue arcane fireflies at their desks to provide light late into the night as they would study and experiment. Years and years later, Mico still always keeps a jar of these blue lights at whatever desk he is hovering over. It brings him a sense of warmth and nostalgia, even security.

Micolash also has an old knitted spider toy from his childhood that he always had with him as a boy. Sometimes he still digs it out from a dusty old drawer, reminding himself of Rom.

His old student uniform! Micolash has been wearing the same tattered uniform for years. Micolash felt that Byrgenwerth was his home and the place where everything important in his life began. He never left it mentally, and so his uniform gives him a feeling of success and security. He’ll wear it until he dies.

[yanderemommabean]

(I'm back with more yandere royalty! This time Yandere Princess x Noble Lady Reader -💡)

Princess Sophia, the most beautiful flower of the entire kingdom.

She's the younger half-sister of Prince Ashton and beloved daughter of the king.

Sophia is the polar opposite of her brother. Where Ashton is often times seen as cold and antisocial, Sophia is friendly and social butterfly.

Because of this, she's universal liked by all. Not only that, but her own father, the king, dotes on her excessively.

Anything she asks for, the king will happily give her.

Sophia is admired by many for her beauty and kind nature. To the point, it's considered a high honor to just be in her presence.

Nobles and commoners alike see the princess as a flawless and pure being.

...Too bad that all just a facade.

The fact is, Sophia isn't any better than her brother. She's just better at hiding her less than desirable traits and tricking people into believing she's a innocent and naive sheltered princess.

In truth, Sophia is very narcissistic and spoiled as well as cruel and sadistic. She doesn't care about other people wellbeing and only sees them as toys for her amusement.

She's fully aware of attractive looks and uses that to her advantage to get what she wants.

She loves the attention she gets from those around her, whether that be the lovestruck looks from men or the subtle looks of envy from other women.

Though she can't really blame them. Sophia has had dozens of men confess their love for her, some even went as far as breaking off their engagements just for a chance to marry her.

But, it always ends in heartbreak. Sophia will sometimes even string them along into thinking they actually have a chance before brutally crushing their hearts once she's bored.

All while wearing an innocent mask.

However, that changed the day she met you.

It was the kingdom's Annual Founding Day Festival and the Royal family were holding a ball.

Sophia was only 17 at the time, she saw you from across the room. Standing there in your beautiful dress off to the side.

For the first time in her life, Sophia was left speechless. She's never met a woman as lovely as you.

Sophia knew right then and there that she had to have you.

Later, when she asked the king, Sophia learned that you were the daughter of an affluent Count.

Sophia decided to invite you to one of her monthly tea parties with others high ranked noble girls.

Slowly, you two became close.

Sophia adored the time spent with you. You weren't like those mindless dogs that worshipped the very ground she walked on.

You were polite and honest in what you thought, even if it meant disagreeing with her.

Sophia should hate you for this, but she finds this about you surprisingly endearing. Perhaps it's because you remind her of a cat.

Hissing at people you don't like, while purring for the one's you do. It's adorable!

Sophia loves having your attention on her more than anyone else. It always annoys the princess when someone else takes your attention away from her, but of course she never shows it on her face.

Which is why it infuriates her to no end to hear you talk about your fiance!

Like most nobles, your marriage was arranged by your parents from a childhood.

Your fiance was the son of some Duke that Sophia can't even bother to remember the name of.

Sophia hates your fiance with a burning passion!

Despite you two being engaged, he has no respect for you or your relationship what's so ever!

You always come to Sophia whenever you're feeling especially frustrated by him. She's listened to your angered rants more than once.

How he's constantly looking down on you and flirting with others women while giving you the cold shoulder.

It pisses Sophia off!

How dare that disgusting mutt treat you in such a way!! He should be grateful that you even give him the time of day!

Neither of you had a choice in the matter, yet he acts like it's your fault the two of you are engaged! Unforgettable!

However, you can't end your engagement with him as doing so could put your family at risk.

The daughter of a Count cancelling an engagement with the son of a Duke? It's basically like saying your too good to marry into a duke's family. Such is quite the insult.

And knowing how petty those of nobility can be, Sophia wouldn't put it pass your fiance and his family to ruin your family out of spite.

....So, it only stands to reason that the best course of action is to complete get rid of your fiance and his entire family.

Now Sophia could just hire assassins to slaughter the whole family, but where's the fun in that~?

No, they deserve to have their noble house in ruines for daring to harm her precious kitten.

Framing your your fiance for treason should simple but Sophia is gonna need some assistance from her 'dear' older brother.

Of course, Ashton had no interest in helping his sister, not that Sophia didn't expect that.

Unless it has to do with that guard of his, Ashton couldn't care less.

Which is why Sophia offered him something she knew he couldn't refuse.

You see, despite the naive front Sophia puts up, she's actually quite a genius, especially when it comes to chemistry and other kinds of science.

Currently, Sophia is working on a special drug that is meant to keep you by her side forever.

The drug in question is an aphrodisiac that doubles as an addictive substance.

When a subject has sex with someone after ingesting the drug, not only will the pleasure of the act will increase by a large margarine, but they will slowly begin to feel a strong need for their partner.

Like any other addictive drug, the more the subject indulges in it, the more the addiction takes hold.

In this case, the more the subject has sex with that partner, the more they crave that person's body and presence.

Not only that, but the drug makes it so the subject cannot get off to any other person, except the partner that triggered the addiction.

If the subject continues to sleep with their partner while still affected by the drug, eventually it gets to the point where the subject is so infatuated with the partner that they'll be willing to do anything just for a simple touch!

Sophia was planning using final product of her precious kitten, but alas it seems you'll have to wait a little bit longer.

However, this did get Ashton to agree to help Sophia. The idea of having his dear guard be his obedient little dog was far too tempting for Ashton not to try.

Sophia also promised not to say anything about her brother little coup plan.

As long as Ashton allows Sophia to live out her days in peace and luxury with her lovely kitten, she honestly doesn't care that her brother plans to kill their father to take power for himself.

It's not like the princess had any interest in the throne anyway.

(So...I kinda went an odd direction but loved this nonetheless! I hope you like it bean!)

Tonight was going to be the night. Sophia had the potion ready, inviting you over to a personal tea party as the news of your betrothed broke to the public. It was an invite to console you, in the people's eyes. The sweet, caring Princess wanting to make her dear friend feel better and have a shoulder to lean on in such a terrible time. 

You show up a bit early, and do something that catches her off her guard. You rush to her, embracing her tightly as you laugh and almost spin her around. “He’s dead!” you giggled, squeezing her a bit more before letting go. “He’s dead! The traitor! The bastard!’ you couldn’t help but laugh, that beautiful smile making Sophia's heart pump even harder as she tried to hide her flushed cheeks. 

This wasn’t the reaction she expected at all, but that doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing. This side of you, well it was just as alluring as the rest. Sophia’s sweet kitten seemed to have surprise after surprise. 

“Slow down, slow down! I’ve barely gotten the tea ready, why don’t we have a seat before you tell me everything” She chides lightheartedly. You nod, following her inside as you keep as much composure as possible, looking like a child trying not to tell a secret they just heard. 

She leads you to her library, her chemistry books still scattered haphazardly from her earlier studies. “There, have a seat, and I’ll pour us some sweet, relaxing lavender”. You blush slightly, looking away as she sits herself. She quirks an eyebrow at you curiously, wondering what on earth had you so happy, giddy, and flustered. 

“I apologize, your highness. It’s just…You’re a trusted friend of mine. I see you as a comfort, someone I can tell my deepest secrets too”. 

Sophia paused her hand as they reached for the tea pot, her eyes darting back up to meet yours. “Yes…A-and you are the same to me. A dear friend of mine i wouldn’t trade for the world, especially since your fiances betrayal” 

“Exactly! So, would you allow me to spill a secret of mine as we share this private party? It’s something I feel I should feel awful about, but…” You trail off, timidly looking towards the ground. Sophia gently grabs your hand, coaxing you to look back up at her with a soft smile. 

“You can tell me anything. I mean that when I say it”. 

You swallow, but take her word, and begin spilling everything you’ve had bottled inside of you. 

“I didn’t love that man. I didn’t care for him in the slightest, I wasn't even attracted to him!” you half laughed, once again showing the princess your beautiful smile. She laughs with you, nodding in agreement “How could you be? He had the personality of a spoiled pig”. 

You nod, but begin to gnaw on your bottom lip. “And I find that…I’m not attracted to most men at all. I’d go as far to say that...In my lifetime, I’ve found women more attractive than any man who’s wanted a night by my side”. 

You begin to tear up, hiding your face in your hands in shame. “You must think of me as wretched, don’t you? To be attracted to that of my own gender…I must be a lunatic”. 

Sophia’s world paused as she soaked in your words, her tea being completely forgotten about as she moved closer to you, prying your hands away from your face. “No, no not at all! You must believe me! Besides, to want someone is natural, regardless of what’s under their clothes”. 

You sniffle, fresh tears forming in your eyes as you struggle to speak, turning away from her as you softly sobbed. “But it’s worse than that Sophia! I’ve hidden something truly despicable from you!”. 

Oh please. She’s killed servants and had peasants do humiliating acts for a few coins, what’s the worst you could have possibly done? Scold an elderly man? Say a lewd word in public? 

“Whatever it is, you know you’re safe with me. We’ve been through so much together! I’m sure whatever it is you’ve done, it won’t shake that foundation”. 

You lean into her, hiding your face in her chest for a moment as you gather yourself. “Sophia I…I’ve found myself deeply attracted to you. More than in the way a man wants to bed a woman. I’ve found myself wanting to be with you, as if we were…married”. 

There are no words to describe the flood of emotions overcoming her. Shock, amazement, bewilderment, realization, pure unhinged joy- there were so many overcoming her she had to stay still, let her mind catch up in order to respond. 

You look up to her when she’s been quiet a second too long, assuming you’ve disgusted her. You meekly speak her name, hoping you hadn’t crossed a line by being honest. You had this weight in your chest for so long, not even caring about the Duke’s demise as it gave you an outlet to finally feel free from any social standards, even for just a short while. 

“Sophia, please! Say something! If I’ve angered you-” You begin to cry, only to be stunned silent when she connects her lips with yours, holding your head still as she kisses you feverishly, drinking in any protests you had as you belt and kiss her back. 

This feels right. This is where you belong, moaning into her mouth as she holds you. Her sweet, delicate little kitten has finally come home! And what’s best, is she didn’t even have to force it! You knew your place all along. 

You tasted so sweet. Delectable. Your shy tongue meeting hers was as adorable as it was addicting, making her lose her composure completely.

She shoved the tea pot to the ground as she pushed you on your back, running her fingers through your hair as you try to catch your breath, allowing her to lay above you and trap you under her hungry gaze. 

“You…You want me back?” was all you could manage to say, dumbfounded but happy nonetheless. 

“I did just kiss you breathless, but if you need more kisses for proof, I’m not exactly against it” She jokes, looking at you with deep admiration as her mind filled with pleasant daydreams. 

Keeping you here, beside her, day in and day out. You’d look so elegant in the dresses she chooses for you, be so cute when shy and embarrassed as she bathes you herself. Oh how she wants to hear her kitten mewl and moan as she takes you as hers, tasting your deepest parts as you fall apart and call her name. 

Killing that bastard was truly the best course of action. You ran right to her! You poor lost little thing, you don’t have to worry about a thing anymore! 

“You’re home now…I won’t let a gift such as you leave me”.

-Mommabean

[skipps-writes-for-gojo-satoru]

I'm so glad the ENTP personality type for Gojo was brought up. It's so misleading for people to say Gojo has a God complex/narcissism/high functioning antisocial personality disorder/psychopath/no feelings, etc.

People think just because Gojo has a few symptoms like being arrogant, talking excessively, impulsive, reckless, and lacking empathy, etc means he has some sort of complex/disorder.

HOWEVER, the reason 🤔 anon brought up ENTP is because some people are NATURALLY like that, and they don't necessarily have any of those issues! There's a reason ENTPs are so misunderstood!

It's like trying to pick a healthy herb from a poisonous one. There are herbs that look almost EXACTLY the same, but one of them will kill you and the other is safe to eat. You have to notice certain key differences between those herbs to make sure you don't die.

That's why 🤔 anon said Gojo is just an ENTP. Those "symptoms" from those disorders are common personality traits for ENTPs. It doesn't make them bad people. In fact, if you notice, even tho people assume Gojo is always messing around, he's always working in the background to make sure everyone is safe, especially Yuji (which has been discussed before so I won't repeat). Even Nanami knows that behind Gojo's act is someone who works tirelessly and is giving so much of himself to Society that he can't catch a break to even stroll through town without working. Notice how Gojo always boasts that he's the strongest (something OTHER PEOPLE have dubbed him. He personally always said "WE are the Strongest until... Ya know). Gojo never boasts or even tells anyone how he goes on business trips just to find someone to care for Yuji, or how he goes out of his way to fight the higher ups to save one life. Plus, if he was boasting to gain praise, why does he say that to Nanami and Utahime and his students? They always insult him. If he wanted praise, he'd go to strangers and make them tell him how handsome he is.

The truth is, he only brags to annoy people. Because why would he go to people who obviously dislike being with him to get self assurance? Because he doesn't need it. He just likes poking fun at his friends.

People want someone with a God Complex? Someone who thinks he's better than everyone else, and only cares for himself? Someone with a complex/disorder? A huge narcissist with an ego? Who only seeks power even if everyone around him gets hurt?

You got Naoya Zenin.

You got most Zenins.

Not Gojo Satoru.

And we all know how much people hate the Zenins.

You can't tell me Gojo and Naoya are the same 🙄

They may look the same on the SURFACE, but like with the poisonous herb and the healthy one, though they are similar, one of them will kill you and one of them is safe to eat.

I honestly have a hunch people are romanticizing people with disorders too much and willing to have a toxic relationship because they purposefully make Gojo pretty much OOC just so he can abuse them. I'm not kinkshaming or anything, but it's annoying when people try to make your kink canon and people actually believe Gojo would go out of his way to hurt someone by cheating on them and playing with their feelings. People who've been cheated on know how much effort and sneaking around cheating actually takes, and Gojo has better things to do 🙄

Also I love your blog, and I'm glad I can text all my feelings out here to share with everyone. Thank you 💘💖💗💕💝💓💞

Ohhh mann I really enjoyed reading your thoughts and I COULDN'T AGREE MORE! 🔥you explained really well that I don't need to add on anything else. Gojo is truly a misunderstood character and it's sad to see that some people actually believe hes just some egotistical dude. Theres so much behind his actions if only people took the time to look into him more. AND DON'T GET ME STARTED ON NAOYA my gawd now that dude I swear 😤 hes good looking but look at his personality people look past that just because he looks hot smh

Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts my blog is always welcome for discussions or thoughts 💖

[hyunsuks-beanie]

Another Kento Rant, Just Because

Every time I watch Theater: A Love Story, I notice something new about Nagata. Every time, I think I have understood him just right. But the next time, I'm proven wrong yet again, but this time around I think I understand him just enough to attempt a character sketch (or basically just another rant).

When I hadn't watched the movie but had watched Kento promote it, I had been left scratching my head when he said that he likes Nagata's bad traits because they are what make him human. I had thought, "What's there to like?," basing my assumption completely off the way the variety show had chosen to describe him. A loser who doesn't work and feeds off his girlfriend. But now I know how hollow and incorrect that description of him is.

People often choose to depict Nagata as this narcissistic, good-for-nothing man who is practically shameless and is toxic to his girlfriend. But in reality, he is so much more than that, in all the hurtful ways. He has a severe inferiority complex, which manifests as a sort of arrogance, making him want to show everyone how he thinks little of them. In reality though, the one he thinks little of is none other than himself. Even his friends in the movie told him that he "loves himself," but now I can see just how much he hates his being.

When it comes to Saki, he knows he's not good enough for her, but he just can't escape this ugly being that he has hurt himself into. He's too far gone to come back, and is practically just the ghost of a person. It's not like he doesn't want to try, it's that he just can't bring himself to. He truly loves Saki, probably more more anyone else. But the reason he can't be a good boyfriend is because he finds himself unable to meet her expectations, something that is proven to him in the most jarring way, time and time again. He can't help her with the finances because his plays don't work, and he portrays himself as far too proud to even consider doing something else entirely.

He's terrified of having to face real life and its real problems with her, well-aware of the fact that he's not what she deserves. And that's the reason why he chooses to live in a bubble, one where she's always smiling and they're happy with each other. He says he doesn't want the moment of her laughter to ever stop, but that's because he knows that as long as she's laughing, they're okay.

On the other hand, Saki loves him too, but she's too kind to him and that just makes his complex even worse, bringing out his "ugliness," in his own words. He just can't find it in himself to look her in the eye when he knows he's the one at fault, and thats why, he pretends that nothing is wrong. And what is worse is that Saki lets him have his way, and maybe that's why he fails to admit to his shortcomings. This makes him "hate" her presence, when he reality, he loves it dearly. The one he hates is again himself, but he chooses to pin it on her because that way, he can tell himself it was never his fault.

Her bright personality and the way she cares for him ends up grating his nerves, because that makes his ill traits all the more obvious, and after a while, he can't take it anymore, because he feels like he can't hide his "ugliness" as long as he's close to her. So he decides to live alone, hoping that it'll bring some peace to his life, while also allowing her to not have to put up with his shit. But of course, that's the final blow to their dynamic, cause Saki to finally break because he "didn't come home to her." She's had enough, and she begins to spiral down, just as he had all those years ago.

And that's like a wake-up call to Nagata, who attempts to begin changing because despite everything, he still cares for her, deeply. He tries to be more accommodating, tries not to get jealous that easily. He even lets her go when she says she's had enough of Tokyo (though he knows he's the one she's had enough of). But by then, it's too late. She's gone, because you can't go on living with only love to support you. They weren't fit for each other emotionally, and that's how ended a truly heartbreaking love story.

[nahmanidontwantto]

Before we start I want to specify that I am specifically talking about narcissistic traits though these can be and are correlated with other things. Relating to these things does not mean you have NPD and I recommend doing more research if you believe you do have it. (Be aware that many sources can be pretty ableist) (I myself do not have NPD or at least I don't think I do but I am aware of my narcissistic traits)

I have during many times of my life been called a narcissist, self centered, self absorbed, selfish, ect by my mom. Until recently did I realize that it has affected my way of perceiving those who have NPD and narcissistic traits, including myself.

I believe that I do split quite often into "all good" or "all bad", and I mean that in the most literal sense. I am either a good person or a bad person with no in between. Every time I am even a little bit selfish I immediately believe I am the worst person in the world. Therefore I tried to suppress being selfish, wanting the best, having the best, ect. And I hid those things from people I was close to in fear that I'd be a horrible person in their eyes.

I have trouble with low empathy. A lot of trouble. I do try to have compassion for those who are suffering, however, I feel as if I'm more concerned over trying to seem like I care than actually caring. I beat myself up over it. I hate myself for it. Even when my mom says that it's okay if I don't feel bad I'm offended by those words because I'm SUPPOSED to feel bad.

On the other side of the coin, I feel the absolute need to help others or else I have absolutely nothing (in a sense you could say I have somewhat made helping others my personality). I have anxiety attacks when someone is hurting because I have to calculate what to say to them, how to say it to them, figuring out the words to make the right impact, ect. In short, I am more preoccupied with how to say it than actually helping the said person. And maybe that's because when I was younger I never got told the thing to help me so I had conversations with myself, telling myself the exact right things to make me feel better. When I can't help the person, I get angry. I'm the one that's supposed to help them. Why didn't they let me? Why couldn't I help them? I know these things are inherently selfish, but my ego needed something. Anything.

When I got into relationships I don't think I was ever thinking about what the person ever actually wanted. My first relationship was,, toxic to say the least. I needed their undivided attention. I deserved it. I'd get angry when they wouldn't. This had very much changed my entire perception. I needed to be absolutely good to avoid hurting anyone again. It didn't help that during this time my mom was constantly comparing me to them, wishing I was like them. Then I started to wish that too. When it had inevitably burned the person held no ill will towards me. I was confused. Why didn't they hate me? We both did bad things and I couldn't understand why they didn't hate me, ignoring the fact that I still loved them.

In my second relationship, I promised it wouldn't be like the first one. But I still had the same mentality that I couldn't shake off. I wanted their attention. Why were they ever spending time with someone else? Why didn't they see I was exactly what they needed? That I was perfect for them? I hid it this entire time. But I still felt horrible. I still felt like a terrible person despite the fact that I felt like I had no control over these thoughts.

So I disconnected myself. I stopped myself from getting close to anyone, I hated how I acted around them anyways. I disregarded any "selfish urges" I had. I was only supposed to help others. I needed to help others. It's my only purpose. How could I possibly be narcissistic if I was helping others? If I did nothing for myself?

These largely affected how I viewed other people with npd without me realizing it. I had been so indoctrinated into believing that narcissists were bad due to my mother's words towards me. I convinced myself if I was terrible unless I purged every single selfish thing about me. The thoughts did not stop though, I'm kind of glad they didn't. And every time a friend of mine expressed narcissistic traits I thought that I was better than them. I feel like I do associate with people "less than" (especially morally) to make myself feel better about myself. I'd also get angry if I ever saw someone that I thought was morally better than me.

I'm unlearning all of this. I've learned that being narcissistic isn't bad. Having npd and narcissistic traits isn't bad. You're coping. I'm coping. We're trying our best to work with what we've been given. I'm glad I'm learning, and I'm glad I'm open minded. I've hurt people and I'm aware of that, but I shouldn't have to go through excessive self sabotage my entire life to prove to others (especially my parents) that I'm only and utterly human.

[ranyaalhuthaili]

Broken hearts and souls litter the pathway behind every red-hot Narcissist who usually walks ahead, proudly unscathed, whilst everything else is in chaos and burnt to the ground. Dating one of these creatures often results in years of therapy and confidence rebuilding- but its more than about manipulation and outrageous vanity (although they do have these traits in spades) – at the core of a Narcissists’ makeup is the complete inability to put anyone or anything ahead of their own needs!

Is it always their way or the high way? Have you given up on expressing your own needs? Are you feeling belittle and broken? You could be dating a Narcissist – read ahead to avoid further heartache!

Sign #1: It’s all about me, me and…..yes! more me!

The narcissists’ favorite topic is – of course – themselves and they never let the facts get in the way of a good story. If someone has won one Nobel Prize they will match it with three and a Pulitzer for good measure. They tend to have had a humility bypass and crow on about possessions, holidays and career titles. Unfortunately, the smartest of them are also entertaining storytellers so people listen to the same improbable narratives time and time again without questioning and without vying for conversation time.

“It worked out very well for a while there because we were both in love with the same person” – ex Narcissist dater.

Sign #2: They have a scary ability to manipulate you without even realizing it’s happening.

One of the most dangerous things about the narcissistic personality is their ability to manipulate people and situations to their advantage. The ground work is often laid early – they shower a new love, boss or colleague with compliments which always have an agenda. Its even possible to get a little fake humility sprinkled into the mix.

“He told me my cooking was something he loved about me.  He said he was embarrassed about his own skills and had never had good home cooked meals as a child. I ended up feeding him seven days a week and the compliments slowly turned into criticism” ex Narcissist dater.

Sign #3: Their attention is fleeting – it’s like their somewhere else.

Watch them carefully – are their eyes unfocused and darting around the room? Do they remember the details of your last date? Sometimes the Narcissist is having an internal dialogue trying create a plausible back story, sometimes they are trying to locate people who have more useful information or higher status. In the early days of dating many lavish attention on new prey but watch out for a growing disconnect, and because of their insatiable need to feel relevant, don’t be surprised if every tweet and Facebook post is responded to – even in the middle of lovemaking.

Sign #4: They’re a total sore loser when they don’t get their way and they hate being told ‘no’.

Narcissists are not team players and don’t understand the concept of “Taking turns”. They also can’t abide events that diminish their status – like losing in sport or failing to get a promotion. Expect a grand inquisition, or worse, appalling behavior that makes two-year-old tantrums look like 30 minutes of zen mediation.

“They took her favorite berry soufflé off the menu so she lay on the restaurant floor kicking and screaming – demanding they fly in berries from France!” ex Narcissist dater.

Sign #5: They’re a total commitment-phobe.

Now this of course isn’t to say that all commitment-phobes are narcissist but it is true that the majority of narcissists are unwilling to commit – however, the ones that do may simply be after status or financial gain. Faithfulness and truthfulness won’t come easy either and you may find that radical plastic surgery is the only way to avert your used-by date. Check to see how many ex partners there are and if there’s a type – legions of blond 19-year-old supermodels might be a sign to exit quickly.

Sign #6: A faulty and sometimes improbable back story that keeps changing.

Okay – so one minute they were born into abject poverty and the next they’re from a long line of Russian royalty. They’ve have more careers than you can count and there are awards and degrees that you’ve never seen proof off. If the timeline keeps changing and the events seem too fantastic you could either hire a Private Detective or kick your potential narcissist to the curb before mental fatigue sets in.

Sign #7: They are forever chasing instant gratification.

If your partner is constantly chasing short-term fixes of instant gratification then this is, yet again, another big red flag that you are dating a narcissistic personality. Maybe they want that shiny red sportscar but they want it now. A Narcissists lack of impulsive control and need for immediate gratification will often result in dodgy financial loans or scamming love ones for money.

“She told me she had a life threatening medical condition and there was a radical new treatment in California. I leant her the money and she stopped all contact – she then posted pictures of a shopping spree in Paris.” ex Narcissist dater.

Sign #8: A sense of undeserved entitlement… about everything.

Do they constantly expect special treatment and act as if people should roll out the red carpet for them everywhere they go? Do they automatically make demands from people whom they don’t know very well or who don’t “work” for them in any way? If you answered yes to all of these things then there’s a very good chance that it’s because you’re in a relationship with a narcissist.

Sign #9: A lack of respect for the rules.

Narcissists don’t like rules – particularly when they are bound by ethics. The lines become particularly blurry when there’s a shortcut to success and financial gain. If your partner seems to always know a way to circumvent restrictions and regulations and thinks laws are made for everyone else – get out quick to avoid being implicated in some get rich quick pyramid scheme.

Sign #10: They will diminish your success.

Narcissists are fiercely competitive and expect all praise to be directed straight to their own shiny countenance. When first dating they will be attracted to your success and status and make you feel like simply the most amazing person on the planet. But continue to get more attention and advancement and they’ll quickly have you second guessing your worth and capabilities.

“Every promotion I got he’d have some smart back handed reason as to why I didn’t get it solely on merit – perhaps it was to fill gender quotas or because someone better had left the company a few months earlier. I ended up feeling like a fraud” ex Narcissist dater.

Sign #11: They have a grandiose personality.

Does your partner seem to constantly think of themselves as if they are some of kind incredible genius who is better than or above other people in some way? The most narcissistic personalities always have a strong element of feeling grandiose – as if they are truly special and unique from the rest of the world. At first their unnerving confidence will make you think they are always right and superior – after a while it might just become sad and pathetic.

Sign #12: They relate more to things than people.

Narcissists love symbols of affluence and success. It’s a bit of “You show me yours and I’ll show you something better”. They may possess an extensive knowledge of brand names and latest gizmos and gadgets but care little about form or functionality. If your date has more photos of luxury items than friends and family you may want to consider your willingness to take second place to the latest iPhone.

“This guy I was dating had his house built as a replica of the Taj Mahal – it was the ugliest most ostentatious thing in the street but he saw it as a landmark of his superiority.” ex Narcissist dater.

Sign #13: There are huge gaps in their everyday knowledge.

Now – here’s a bit of a sneaky one if you want to gauge the level of Narcissism in your gorgeously powerful and seemingly Godlike new partner. Do they know where Africa is? What’s their take on climate change? How many Kardashians are there? If it doesn’t affect a Narcissist directly they won’t be interested which means, despite coming across as initially brilliant, they often have a cavernous black hole in their general knowledge. Keep prying and you may reconsider who’s actually the smart one in the relationship.

To learn more about Ranya Al-Huthaili, visit her official website.

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*The information in this article is an opinion

[arigatouiris]

zenosyne // m. atsumu x reader

Author’s Note: I like breaking cocky anime men that I find attractive and giving them a lot of angst because I’m evil and how much I love Miya Atsumu is beyond comparison uwu Hope ya’ll like this angst fest~

Also I understand that cheating is a bit of an iffy topic, and I’m sorry if this material offends anyone here. I can picture this scenario and I’m sorry if some of you don’t agree. Feel free to let me know what you think. 

Word count: 5649 words

Pairing: Miya Atsumu x Reader

Warnings: angst, swearing, trigger warnings, abusive households, alcoholic parent, fluff at the end

The average human being took 21 days to break a habit; but if that average human was Miya Atsumu, breaking the habit was as sporadic as the weather in Tokyo. He never liked Tokyo as much, and found home within Hyogo, but his games had him move so much that it sometimes made him yearn for a place that no longer existed.

Miya Atsumu did not have habits that he wanted to forget. Unless that habit included staring into the stands, searching for you, it was harmless.

After their penultimate win for that season, the MSBY Black Jackals celebrated; the crowd was loud, the cheers were everywhere—Atsumu always hated the loud that came with the audience, but he tolerated it because you would stand among them, waving at him, a large grin on your face, all directed at him. He’d raise his hand and hold it in the air for a couple of seconds, for you to see, and you would—before your grin only got wider. Atsumu would never admit what that sight made him feel, a sight that he believed he’d see for the rest of his life; but there he was, during their penultimate win that season, and you were not there.

It wasn’t even a force of habit, because his eyes never landed on the stands before. Or had they? Did Atsumu always do this? It had been over three weeks since permanently severing ties with you, and yet, his eyes kept travelling back there.

Three weeks—as long as it took to break a habit.

It was no breakup, Atsumu remembered very clearly how the phone conversation went. There was no verbal acceptance of the relationship ending, it was just one fact over another, and a misplaced goodbye from your end. You’d always managed to bag the good person card, and he didn’t mind giving it to you, either way. 

     “Miya-san!”

Shoyo’s form created a disturbance in the blond’s mind—the shorter male’s hands were raised to give him a high-five, which Atsumu absentmindedly delivered. But his mind was elsewhere. They say absence was also a presence, on a metaphysical level, the absence of scorpions falling from the sky itself contains the absence. The moment the mind comprehends the absence of something, that something is perpetually present. It was inevitable to miss you, because your absence screamed your presence louder. And he hated himself and hated you, too, for the ruin you’d made of each other. 

But, you would be there. During every single game.

Starting from high school to how his career passed in the Black Jackals, Miya Atsumu’s sassy girlfriend would be present in the stands, cheering quietly, chuckling at his misses, nervous at his slips, and ecstatic at his victories.

Miya Atsumu wouldn’t call you perfect, but he knew in all angles that you were. Once you let someone in, you were impossible to forget. There was something about you that crawled inside a person and built a nice comfy home there, your goodness expanding until it filled every limb. You were strangely relatable to an M&M, he thought. A reverse M&M, all sweet and smooth on the outside with a tough shell inside.

It went without saying that back in high school, he was a bit of a jerk; not just anyone would catch his eye. And if Miya Atsumu was dating just one girl from his third year till he finished university and entered a sports contract with the MSBY Black Jackals, you were truly something else. In high school, you were in a non-canon school band, you sang, played the guitar, and you were part of the track team. You scored well in studies, you wrote papers based on some research findings that he barely had any idea about—you were practically all over the place and it was hard to miss you.

Miya Atsumu wouldn’t call you perfect, but he knew he’d be an idiot if he used any other word to describe you. 

He loved every second of being with you because you wouldn’t make it easy for him. The second Atsumu felt like things were becoming stagnant, you’d either go missing or you’d throw at him a new challenge—you’d even fucking beat him at volleyball if you had to (thankfully, this never happened). You were constantly moving, leading the way, the complete opposite of what Atsumu thought most relationships would entitle with him around. it wasn’t that you tried hard to please him, no; it was that you were this way all this while, and Atsumu was just lucky.

You confessed to him first, serenading him in front of the entire volleyball team—throwing him for a toss and then laughing at his reaction of absolute surprise. It was as if he wasn’t allowed to be surprised at all, because there you were, pointing at his face and gawking, laughing till you had tears in your eyes.

     “What’s with that face, ‘Tsumu-Tsumu?”

Oh, how you got on his nerves. 

After that incident, when the school walked around talking of how you’d humiliated Miya Atsumu by throwing a pretend confession, he’d known the truth. You’d never pull something like that without a base; he knew that your words and feelings were true, but he also knew that you’d not just stop there. So what if you liked him? That did not mean you were under his beck and call—and god, that drove him crazy.

     “Go be someone first, pretty boy,” you’d said and he had no idea what the fuck you meant. 

As much as Atsumu loved back and forth flirting, with you, it just got frustrating because he knew that he was the one being thrown under a bus more than you were.

Two weeks went by with air flirting and tension filled winks in the corridor, which thus forced the blond to physically drag you into the broom closet in Inarizaki’s volleyball club gym, and seduce you using the mere power of his lips, tongue and hands. His words were a demand and that made you chuckle, that chuckle that made him want to simultaneously end your life or scream into the skies—he had no idea. But, you would never admit that the way he kissed you right then had stolen your words and the laugh was merely a shy response to maintain the cool demeanor you had so flawlessly carried out till then.

     “Miya-san, is everything okay?” Shoyo’s voice alerted Atsumu when they were heading out of the stadium.

Atsumu ruffled the boy’s orange head before chuckling, “Ya just caught me a bit off guard there.”

It had nothing to do with Shoyo. He walked out with his team toward where the bus was, and a slight ringing sounded in the blond’s ear. He was aware that hearing a C minor in your ear constantly when no noise surrounded them was an indication of deafness, but right then, only your face kept flashing in his mind because you were the one who told him that.

You would tell him a lot of things, starting from random facts about volleyball players in Russia, to the way dolphins communicated, or even about the first man who climbed the tallest peak in the world.

But, Miya Atsumu never realized that you would never, ever speak about yourself. The attention was always directed either at him or the world, and it hurt Atsumu to even think of how he never even noticed that she remained invisible all throughout this time. it was as if she didn’t want to speak about herself, like she was living a double life but there was no way Atsumu would know about it because he just never asked.

Dating Miya Atsumu, he realized, was like dating a narcissist; the only difference being, he genuinely cared for you but he wasn’t accustomed to think of others before himself. 

No one had told him it was a problem until Osamu had pointed it out, just days after breaking up with you. He was a walking box of angst waiting to spill onto the person who tried to help him, and there wasn’t anyway Atsumu could change unless the person came equipped. 

It was unfair, and strangely, close to impossible.

     “You were looking at the stands.” Shoyo pointed out, when they got into the bus.

Atsumu blinked before humming, wanting nothing more than to ignore this boy’s curious claims. But, Shoyo’s eyes were nothing like yours—your curiosity was directed at him at all times, but it was never demanding. 

Even if you weren’t the sort to direct any attention toward yourself, Atsumu didn’t want to think he was so bad that he wouldn’t have listened if you had just asked. If you had just told him, about anything at all that was bothering you, he’d downright throw everything aside and listen to you; but saying that now, after everything was broken, was rather easy and convenient, even his mind was telling him that these excuses were privileged.

You came with a stubbornness he hated in others, but somehow grew to love in you. And that trait of yours prevented you from telling Atsumu anything about your life at all.

*

The first time Miya Atsumu tried to break up with you, he wasn’t really thinking straight.

The relationship was moving in a steady pace, something he wasn’t used to with girls. You were busy with track, he was busy with volleyball—what he didn’t know back then was that you were busy with academics, track, your band, and a whole lot of other things he’d only learn of years later. But, the reason Atsumu chose to break up with you for the first time was because you were just never around.

You’d come to his every game; this went without saying, but you’d disappear right after. You’d reply to his messages hours after he’d sent them. You’d come to school earlier than anyone he knew, and he’d see you leave when his practice was about to end.

Communicating you became a task and Atsumu didn’t need to be responsible for that, and while this remained a good, solid reason to break up with you, he still never asked you if you were okay. If Atsumu could go back in time, he’d slap some sense into himself, but things passed in a way only to make him regret in the future—he had no say in it now.

He approached you one evening just before practice, noticed how your winter uniform clung to your skin, your face a bit red from the biting cold, your hands buried in your pockets. Atsumu wouldn’t miss the way his stomach flipped at your eyes sparkling to meet his.

     “What’s up, Tsumu?”

     “Ya know... This ain’t workin’ out.”

It was the first time he had seen you cry. While 17-year old Atsumu believed it was mainly because he tried breaking up with you, 23-year old Atsumu recalled the way your eyes were already red before he told you, of how there was a mild bruise under your left eye, how your hair was disheveled—and he remembered faintly hearing you tell him that you don’t get cold too easily, so the fact that your hands were shoved in your pockets meant that you were hiding something.

If only Atsumu had known back then.

     “H-Hey, (y/n)?”

Just before you were about to tell him it’s alright and it was stupid of you to burst out crying like that, Atsumu’s arms wrapped around your considerably smaller frame and pulled you close.

     “We’ll work it out, yeah?”

He was a tad bit annoyed that it didn’t go according to plan, but if he knew how much of a dick he was being back then, Miya Atsumu could have saved himself a great deal of hurt.

Pulling away, he noticed you’d already wiped your tears away. You smile at him, apologetically, invariably throwing his heart to the side, and take his hand in yours.

     “I’ll make it up to you.”

And you did. You delivered each time and Miya Atsumu was always thrown for a toss. But, there was a gnawing feeling at the back of his throat, which Atsumu would only realize was guilt years later.

*

The first time he finds out that your father was a drunk was when you make a dark joke about it. 

I’d say that my dad is an alcohol enthusiast, not alcoholic, per say.

The way you said it, it sounded hilarious to him right then. You were laughing, the boys around him were laughing—he should have judged from Osamu’s expression that one of your habits was to turn trauma into humor, but Atsumu ignored his twin brother’s expression and just focused on how intoxicatingly hilarious you were.

As he sat in the bus that was taking the MSB Black Jackals home, Miya Atsumu regretted laughing at that joke. 

If only. 

Those must be the saddest two words in the world, Miya Atsumu thought.

On some nights, he wonders if his heart would be filled with anything but this regret that was blinding him day in and day out. He had a bad case of the 3:00 am guilts; the ones when he’d simply just lie in bed awake and replay all those things he didn't do right. Because, as he knew, nothing solved insomnia like a nice warm glass of regret, depression and self-loathing.

     “Yer a cool girl, aren’t ya?”

     “Is that what you see me as, Tsumu-Tsumu?”

He remembers chuckling, ignoring the fact that your eyes looked puffy.

     “Yer the coolest girl in the world to me, (y/n)-chan.”

It was then, drowning in regret, while the bus moved him back to his hotel room, did Miya Astumu realize that living with heartbreak was easy if only it weren’t accompanied by regret.

He hates thinking of how you’d been so supportive, and how you’d still visit each of his games being a grad student, and yet—he was the one who went ahead and threw it all away. The itch in the back of his throat, the one that he felt for the first time back when he was trying to break up with you for the first time, was starting to grow. The itch was getting a bit difficult, Shoyo had to give him a bit of water, slap his back—and yet the itch didn’t subside.

     Tsumu-Tsumu, did you try breathing?

Why was it so difficult to breathe with you absent? How dare you take his breath away and never, ever return it?

Some part of him wondered how hard you’d laugh at him if you saw him right then. He was the one who hurt you, he was the one that wronged you, yet, he was the one who broke up with you. If there was a class for disgusting people, Miya Atsumu topped that list effortlessly. It’s true, he never really cared about people disliking him but the thought of you greeting him with anything but a smile twisted his heart in painful ways.

When he was signed with the Black Jackals, Miya Atsumu thinks of breaking up with you for the second time.

He’d have to keep moving, which meant most of your relationship would be long-distance. He wasn’t sure if balancing a volleyball career and a relationship would get him where he wanted to be—so he decided he’d just end things with you before it got too serious. 

If only he’d understood back then that a three-year relationship was serious enough, Miya Atsumu would not have gotten drunk and would not have made out rather provocatively with a strange woman whose name or face he did not remember the next day.

The love he felt for you was a borderline comfort that he had drawn out during his high school days. Miya Atsumu pictured it to be the sort of love that is mostly evident when you’re around, supporting him, cheering for him in that quiet, endearing way that you do—but thinking that way was giving you way little credit for what it actually was. Loving you was building a time bomb for himself the second you were not there. Loving you was building the anticipation for your exit, which then brought in the tragic, dark, bone-crunching pain that only came because he had hurt you in so many ways that you’re now forced to push yourself away because he is clearly not good for you, and you clearly deserved better.

The first time he saw you ever since kissing someone else, Miya Atsumu took nearly three seconds to come clean. But it was after spilling the words ‘I cheated on you’ did he notice something that inevitably shattered his soul.

You had a bruise on your chin, your eyes are red, your skin dry, your hair looked terrible—you clearly were not having a good time. 

How could he have been so blind?

     “(y/n), what happened—”

     “Atsumu, you what?”

Heh, he thought before his mind reminded him of his narcisism. How many times had he even asked you how you were doing? What you were doing? How many times had he bothered to ask you if you were doing alright?

The answer devastated him.

     “So, this is it then,” You said, and it was when you looked away did he find a splotch of red in the white of your eye.

His heart was rummaging in his chest. The gnawing feeling was back at the edge of his throat. He’s standing there, knowing something was clearly wrong with you, yet all he was acting out on was his own selfish desire of breaking up with you because the thought of continuing this and getting hurt later on was scaring him more.

Miya Atsumu was festering his own demise and he had no idea that he was doing it.

The expression in your eyes was as bitter as nightshade. Atsumu could feel his fingers shaking at how your lips were quivering right then, but you were doing everything you could to hold on. He could see now so clearly how your eyes were welling up with tears, but you chose fortitude over displaying emotions in front of him so you shoot him a smile and tilt your head the way you’d always done before—one of the reasons why he chose you in the first place.

     “Tsumu, I hope you’re happy wherever you are,” All he wanted was to scream her name out loud, “That’s all I want.”

How much he hated you right then because every word you said you meant it.

*

The night three weeks ago, he remembered getting back to his apartment and vomiting his guts out. Miya Atsumu released everything out into his commode, the contents of the food he ate the day before and perhaps that morning—tears stinging the corners of his eyes as he sat there, haphazardly, breathless and tired; hair disheveled but eyes constantly bringing your image to him again and again and again.

What’s done is done, he keeps telling himself, but fuck, why does it feel like he just killed someone?

He was so blinded by your apparent perfection that he didn't recognize the tremendous pain behind your work. You gave him hundreds of images, so many chances to see that you were in trouble. He had failed you.

Atsumu shut his eyes and felt someone tap his shoulder. Turning to his right, he noticed Shoyo, looking at him curiously.

     “We’re reached, Miya-san. You look ill.”

The gnawing feeling at the back of his throat was growing. 

     “Oh! And,” Shoyo grabbed something from the back of his pocket. Taking out his new cellphone, he displayed something to the blond, “Today’s the reunion!”

Fuck, Atsumu thought before running a hand through his hair. It was too late to cancel, Osamu was already going. A part of his heart hoped you’d be there, but he knew that it was wishful thinking. 

     “Did you have a highschool girlfriend, Miya-san?”

     “Hm, yeah—”

Her name was (y/n).

Suddenly, Atsumu grabbed his bottle and chugged the water down, hoping the gagging feeling would subside. 

     “Miya-san?”

     “Yanno, I’ll see ya later, squirt.”

The reunion was placed in a dingy looking bar, only because it was the closest to the university. Atsumu chuckled when he saw Osamu sitting at the corner, looking annoyed. Waving at his brother, Atsumu walked over to sit beside him, in absolute silence, before hearing Osamu click his tongue.

     “You smell disgustin’.”

     “Nice to see ya too, Samu. I just had a game—”

     “Couldn’tya shower?” Osamu sighed, running a hand through his hair.

It didn’t take long for Atsumu to bring you up.

     “She ain’t here,” Osamu said, rolling his eyes, “Head from ‘er friend, Sakura something, that ‘er life is practically shit.”

Atsumu wasn’t too surprised to hear this, but there it was again, the gagging feeling at the back of his throat.

     “Didja even know ‘er father used to drink, Tsumu?”

He did. He knew. 

     “So fuckin’ self-centered,” He heard his twin whisper to himself. “Tis a surprise to me that she was even with ya for so long.”

He knew. Yet, he never once addressed it. Never once asked you how you were. Never once bothered to allow himself to know; it was as if he was comfortable being praised within the bubble you had created for him, sheltering him from your nasty background. Only now when he thought about it did he realize how terrible he was, as a friend, as a boyfriend, as a lover—he had failed to be a decent human being to you.

     “O’er there’s Sakura something,” Osamu said, pointing to a girl Atsumu remembered would always stick by your side. “She was in the track team with (y/n).”

Atsumu normally would have stayed away; maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was the deep mourning he had been feeling from the past few weeks, but in actuality, it was the gnawing feeling that was threatening to spill, it was killing him.

     “Sakura-chan, it’s been a while.”

The way this girl sent a glare to Atsumu’s direction almost made him laugh.

     “Let me guess, you want to know about (y/n).”

     “Was it that obvious?” Atsumu rubbed the back of his head.

Sakura sighed, “Listen, I ain’t tellin’ you shit because you asked. I’m tellin’ you because it’ll do her good to see someone right now and it might as well be you because it clearly won’t be anyone else.”

What the hell does that mean? 

     “A month ago, (y/n)’s father left them,” Atsumu’s eyes widen, “She had to almost quit college, but her mum found a job at a convenience store. But, (y/n) moved out of her dorm and lives at home now, saving up on the grad school money and helping out.”

     “Her father... He...” 

     “Listen,” Sakura snapped, clicking her tongue, “I ain’t tellin’ you no more of this. Go see her or don’t, she doesn’t need you. God knows you ain’t good for her.”

Atsumu almost nodded at the girl’s statement. 

     “She told you nothin’ because well, did ya ever ask?”

He goes back to his room after that shit-fest of a reunion, Osamu patting his shoulder a couple of times before making a move. Once he was back, Atsumu instantly broke down—the tears stinging his eyes as they fell, it was as if his tears were made of acid because it had been that long since he had cried for anything.

His hands were shaking, and he needed to do something to stop them from shaking—the feeling was intense and he hated every second of it. Throwing a nasty punch to the wall, Atsumu’s hands were bruised instantly before he realized he was a pro-volleyball player. Heading to the sink, he placed his hands under the running water and breathed, noting that his breath was hitching. He looked out into the water and just stared. Closing his eyes, Atsumu’s legs found themselves dragging him to every corner of his hotel room—finding an inch that could comfort him that night. He settled for the balcony, under the stars, where he found himself begging the sparkling lanterns of light to cure him of himself—his past and the kaleidoscope of mistakes, failures and wrong turns that have stacked unbearable regret upon his shoulders.

*

The loss of their final game of the season did not him him as hard as it would otherwise have. In the dressing room, he felt his phone buzz and his heart jumped out of his ribcage at the name that had popped up on his phone. 

(y/n): Jump set, back set, one set, two set, if setting were easy, they might let you set!

It takes Miya Atsumu less than a few seconds to call you. 

     “Tsumu? Is everything okay?”

     “Where are you?” It was eerie that you were whispering, but it was even eerier that he didn’t know where you were.

He always knew; it felt so strange.

     “I’m at work, actually—”

At work? Aren’t you a grad student? He wanted to ask, but words refused to slip out of him right then. The silence stretched out, heartbeat after heartbeat – taut, excruciating. And then, finally, came the first sound: 

     “I want to see you.”

His voice betrayed him; he didn’t sound like himself, but here he was, stretching out far and thin by a person who made zero effort in ruining him but had invariably managed to do so.

It takes Atsumu even less time to book a cab and head to your location. What surprises him is that it’s the very same convenience store that your mother supposedly works at, but why did you say you were working there? Atsumu’s sudden curiosity over your wellbeing, over your life threw him for a toss. This was not how things were, but this was how things were supposed to be.

And there you were, standing outside the door, hands in your pockets, the green uniform of the convenience store over your clothes.

You stood there, in all your candid glory, confident, yet shy, and angel-like. Your (h/c) hair always seemed to capture whatever available light there was, and your skin, much to Atsumu’s annoyance, was flawless. Today you were wearing a black turtleneck that accentuated every curve and your jeans were structured in a way that they made sure they highlighted the best part of your legs. You had a thick aura of battle around you, and your face was almost doll-like, it was so pleasant to look at.

     “Ya work here?” Atsumu wasn’t grinning, you felt odd.

Blinking, “Mum’s a bit tired so I’m covering her shift. Are you—”

     “Why didn’t ya come to the reunion?”

     “I had to submit a paper earlier today. Sorry, I’d have loved to see everyone!”

Your cheerfulness kills him, and he only hopes it doesn’t show. But, he takes a good long look at you. Yes, you’re just as beautiful—but you have dark circles around your eyes now. You’ve lost a bit of weight. You’ve lost that spark in your eye.

Clearly, you were having a difficult time. Miya Atsumu finds that his heart is breaking at the revelation.

     “Tsumu, are you okay?”

Fucking hell.

     “Stop.”

Your eyes widen, “Eh?”

     “How am I? How are you?! Tell me what’s wrong, (y/n)! Tell me what’s happenin’ with you, I never... I never asked ya so ya never tell me? Am I really that fucked up of a guy? That ya can’t... I loved ya, (y/n), I still... Damn it! I fucked up, okay? I fucked up big time! (y/n)—”

You walk over to him and pat his head, but Atsumu instantly slaps your hand away. You shoot him a glare before patting his head once more and pulling him down forcefully, his head on your shoulder, breathing into it. 

     “Dad left us,” Atsumu freezes at your words. “He used to drink. He’d throw things sometimes. He didn’t really hit anyone until we’d go over to stop him—”

     “That’s fuckin’ horrible—”

     “He had his own issues.”

Atsumu pulls away before cursing, “Stop bein’ so fuckin’ understandin’ all the damn time!”

You find yourself giggling at his actions. 

     “It’s okay now.” You said, giving him a kind smile.

Atsumu shakes his head, “It’s not. It’s not okay, (y/n). What the fuck—Why... Why were you even with someone like me? What the hell is wrong with ya?”

He could see how the anger built up in your eyes, but he wasn’t finished.

     “You’re so fucking... perfect,” He rubs a hand over his face in frustration, “Grad student, supporting yer mom, you... you came to every single game o’ mine. Every single game, damn it... I never knew ‘cause you barely showed any signs, but why... Why the fuck were ya with someone like me—”

     “Tsumu... You kept me alive, you know?” He refused to believe it. “When I was with you, I could forget things from my life that would have otherwise destroyed me. I grew to love you because of how passionate you were and that passion blinded me,” You went ahead and held his hands in yours, not ignoring the freshly formed bruise on his knuckles. 

     “I was with you as a choice, Tsumu, and I’d choose you every single fucking time. I wasn’t with you because i had nowhere to go. Don’t ever think that, okay? Because I can very well live fine by myself! I chose to be with you because I love you and I’ll do anything for the people I love,” 

He had never seen this face of yours. It was enchanting.

     “And I get it, people say choose yourself over boys, but maybe, choosing you was what kept me healthy, because look at me, Tsumu,” You point to yourself, tears leaking out of your eyes, “Take a good long look!”

Miya Atsumu’s eyes widen. You’re so tired, it’s as bright as day now. The spark in your eye almost gone.

     “Loving you helped me, and I’m not saying that your self-centered assholery is toxic, no. Yeah, sure, it can be toxic, but I needed it at the time. I... I am not perfect, Tsumu. I’m so far from perfect that it’ll knock your socks off!”

You were rambling now and he remembered that trait of yours—a rare aspect from his past; you’d ramble when you got nervous, your hands flailing cutely in front of you, tracing invisible lines in the air as you tried to narrow down your words. Atsumu’s gaze softens, as he lets you.

     “P-Perfection doesn’t come from someone hiding their pain well, it’s... it’s dark and gritty and bloody and sweaty, because it’s so fucking hard—” Your voice breaks in the end.

Atsumu doesn’t waste time in pulling you to his chest, shushing you and kissing your cheeks in the next minute; he holds your face like you are the most precious thing ever. 

He takes a breath before asking you something he was afraid to, “I cheated on you, didn’t you get mad?”

You nod, “I got hella mad, I’m still a bit mad, of course! Hey, just because I’m madly in love with you doesn’t make me a doormat, yanno?” You fumble.

Atsumu notices how red your face is now, and he smiles. A genuine smile—one that you hadn’t seen on Atsumu in so, so long. Your hand is in his and he bends to your level, his forehead on your shoulder, and it first comes out as a whisper,

     “I’m so sorry, (y/n).”

Your eyes widen slowly.

     “I’m so sorry, I love you so much. I’m sorry—”

A second later, you wind your hands around him, hugging him, and it shushes him. 

You don’t hesitate, “You gotta make it up to me, you know?”

Atsumu smiles so warmly as he wipes the tears off your eyes, nodding. His hand glides down your arm, folds over your hand. His fingers lace with yours, palms kissing. You could feel the fast thud of his heart through this single touch.

     “I’ll do that for the rest of my life, (y/n).”

You make a disgusted face a second later, “Stop being so sappy, Tsumu, ewwww.”

Your hands grasp his collar and bring him down to your level, as you plant a kiss him on his lips. Atsumu kisses back but you could feel the hesitation in his bones, and it annoys you. You pull away, and say the one thing Atsumu has been dying to prove to you.

     “Kiss me like you missed me, Atsumu.”

They say a kiss is a secret which takes the lips for the ear. When Atsumu kisses you right then, he could have been whispering the secrets of the universe to you, but you didn’t care. His mouth came down on yours. And that was it. All the self-control he’d exerted over the past weeks went, like water crashing through a broken dam. Your arms came up around his neck and he pulled you against him. His hands flattened against your back, and you were up on the tips of your toes, kissing him as fiercely as he was kissing you. He clung to you more tightly, knotting his hands in your hair, trying to tell you, with the press of his mouth on yours, all the things he could never say out loud. 

     “I love you so much, Miya Atsumu,” You say, your hands on his cheek, “I’m sorry for not opening up to you.”

With a shake of his head, “I’ll never let ya go, (y/n).” 

At that second, neither of you realize that Miya Atsumu would never look at another; the gagging in his throat was gone, replaced with the need to constantly wonder about you—a need to have you by his side permanently. Perhaps, this was growth. One would never know. But, whatever it was, Miya Atsumu was glad that he had found a habit he didn’t ever have to break anymore.

[violentviolette]

Npd related questions: 1. Does the thing where you (general you) need supply ever go away fully (with therapy or medication) or is it a general trait for npd, that remains. 2. Is supply wanting comparable to the yearning for love (not in the romantic or sexual sense nessecarily), but general love, being valued as person, people wanting to genuinely be friends with you, feeling needed as person etc.

For example tw: suicide I am suicidal and I told that to my dad, and he said that, I could only suicide after he dies, and I interpreted it, possibly wrongly, as him making it about himself and that he does not really truly value me as a person, but just does not want to be traumatized, by seeing his child die (which is a big trauma for many parents in general, not all though) and him not wanting to be alone in old age (he is 80 and my mom is dead for 9 years, having being much younger than my dad at that, meaning if I died, my dad would be alone literally) and I felt even more confirmed in my wish for death/suicide, because I see I am not really valued as a person/ for my traits, but rather people (including my dad) know that I have no value on my own. And like in my logics, if I do not have a value for anyone, and loving me is impossible, and being loved is impossible for me, there is less sense to live (there are other motivators for me like having a career etc., matter in a professional sense, but as I see it it does not work out)

the need for supply doesn't ever go away, but id does definitely lessen considerably as u become more stable, less insecure, and learn how to validate urself

what ur describing isn't narc supply tho. npd "supply" basically means shallow validation from others. npd is characterized by deep insecurity and an inability to validate ourselves. we have no genuine sense of self or ability to care for our own emotional needs. we can't generate validation for ourselves because we have no real confidence so we must seek it from others. but its shallow praise and adoration and never genuine love. its compliments about our appearance or perceived accomplishments or just general stuff. like "ur so amazing/funny/smart/hot" ect.

stuff that is surface level because while cluster b pds crave love and acceptance and validation, we are also deeply distrustful of people and struggle with intimacy or allowing anyone to be close to us because a lot of us believe if they do ever get too close and see the "real" us they will hate us and leave because deep down were actually monsters undeserving of love and kindness (which is a trauma response and not something exclusive to cluster b pds most ppl who have been abused feel this)

so narc supply is about getting shallow and superficial compliments in order to simulate the feelinge of validation and love and acceptance without the risk of any real rejection. which is why it doesn't last and we need it so constantly, its not real so it doesn't ever really help. its a band aid

which is why what ur describing doesn't sound like narc supply. all people want to be loved and accepted and important to other people's lives. thats a universal and healthy feeling. its not narcissistic to want people to care about u in a real and meaningful way

im sorry that that was ur dads response because ur right that it is a selfish one. he *is* making ur pain all about him and thinking only of himself and his feelings and not u and urs. that is extremely selfish and cruel and im sorry that he said that to u because u dont deserve that.

but, ur last conclusions (everything u said after that his words confirm ur wish for suicide) is a spiral and not logical thinking. ur fathers feelings are not universal, they are based on his own selfishness and flaws and do not reflect ur overall worth as a person. not everyone thinks like he does and just because he does not value u and is too selfish to care about u in a real and meaningful way doesnt mean that everyone else will feel this way. this is about his flaws, not urs. there is nothing about u that makes u unlovable because no human being is unlovable. everyone is inherenrly capable of being cared about by others just by the nature of being a human being. u absolutely have value that exists whether others see and acknowledge it or not. u are capable of being loved because all human beings are. just because the people around u have mistreated u and don't value u, it doesn't mean u inherently have no value.

[padawanlost]

Do you think anakin might be narcissistic or might have narcissistic traits?

No, I don’t. But, please, let’s remember I’m not a mental health professional (I just like Google :P). Here are some Symptoms and behaviors someone Narcissistic personality disorder might display:

Have an exaggerated sense of self-importance: Nope.

“I am convinced, Master Yoda,” said Palpatine. “I know that, as a rule, I leave the strategic planning to you and your Jedi Council and the GAR war cabinet—but in this case I feel compelled to intervene. It was only thanks to young Master Skywalker that Kothlis—and before it Bothawui—did not fall into Separatist hands. But Anakin is only one man—and the Jedi cannot expect him to save the day every day.” Anakin closed his eyes. Please, please, stop talking now, Chancellor. Really. Just stop.[…]“Anakin, Anakin.” He shook his head, ruefully smiling. “I embarrassed you, didn’t I?” He felt heat rush into his face. “No, sir, I—” “Yes, I did,” said Palpatine. “You can say it. I won’t bite.” […] [Anakin] couldn’t speak for a moment. This is the most important man in the galaxy … and he speaks to me as though I’m his own flesh and blood. He has cared about me since I was a boy. “Chancellor …” He had to wait a moment before he could trust his voice. “Please, don’t ever doubt my regard for you. It’s too deep for words.” Eyes moistening, Palpatine smoothed the nap of his rich blue velvet trousers. “I know it makes you uncomfortable when I praise you in public, Anakin. Particularly to Master Yoda or Master Kenobi.” [Karen Miller. Star Wars: Clone Wars Gambit: Stealth]

Have a sense of entitlement and require constant, excessive admiration: Nope. Anakin wanted to be accepted and respected for his achievements, nothing more.

Expect to be recognized as superior even without achievements that warrant it: Nope.

He wasn’t sure why, beyond the fact that he didn’t relish responsibility for—or power over—others. And she talked too much. And she was far too cocky, in that naive, chirpy, why-can’t-we-fix-it way, as if he and the clone troopers had never been in combat before. When it came to battle—well, he’d still take lessons from them, thanks. And she could do the same. [Karen Traviss. The Clone Wars]

• Exaggerate achievements and talents: Nope. Anakin talents and achievements are not exaggerated. It’s a fact that he was the one of the best ever.

“So you don’t believe in it?” “I didn’t say that.” Shaking his head, Obi-Wan stared at the floor. “Qui-Gon believed in it. And I believed in him. And there’s no escaping the fact you’re the most gifted Jedi the Temple has ever seen.” He looked up. “So if Yoda’s reluctant to risk you, Anakin, it’s not on a whim. He has good reason.” [Karen Miller. Star Wars: Clone Wars Gambit: Stealth]

• Be preoccupied with fantasies about success, power, brilliance, beauty or the perfect mate: nope. Anakin’s only recurring fantasy was saving slaves:

When the war was over he’d go back to Tatooine and see. When the war was over he’d buy any child he found enslaved to Watto and find them a home where they might live and love in safety. Belonging to no one but themselves. I should have done it before now. Wasn’t that my other childhood dream? Become a Jedi and free the slaves. Instead I became a Jedi and let myself forget. Let them convince me that it’s not our job to remake the Republic. [Karen Miller. Star Wars: Clone Wars Gambit: Stealth]

I know now that I should have paid more attention to his words. But I was eager to tell him about my dream of becoming a Jedi and freeing the slaves on Tatooine. [Todd Strasser. Anakin Skywalker Journal]

Believe they are superior and can only associate with equally special people: nope

“But—” Gathering his thoughts, disciplining himself, he watched Anakin scoop up one small excited boy, too young to kick the ball, and zoom him overhead like a fighter chasing a vulture droid. The boy nearly sickened himself with laughing. “Greti, are you saying—” […]Anakin’s amusement vanished. “He wasn’t heavy. These younglings are skin and bone. I look at them and—” He clenched his jaw. [Karen Miller. Star Wars: Clone Wars Gambit: Siege]

Monopolize conversations and belittle or look down on people they perceive as inferior: nope.

“I think—” Anakin kicked his heel against the polished marble floor. “I think I hate it when I can’t stop my men from getting hurt. From dying. I think—” “What?” he prompted, when Anakin didn’t continue. “Never mind. It doesn’t matter.” “It matters, Anakin,” he said gently. “What you think matters.” [Karen Miller. Star Wars: Clone Wars Gambit: Stealth]

Take advantage of others to get what they want: nope.

She sat down again. “I understand. This is war. You have to look at the big picture. You can’t afford to see the little people.” Scurrying like rodents. Sacrificed for the greater good. “That’s not true!” Anakin protested. “That’s what the big picture is. Lots and lots and lots of little people. You matter, Bant’ena. The friends you lost on Taratos Four, they matter. We’re fighting this war so no more like them will die.” He was very sweet. Very young. Full of grand ideals and breathtaking, intuitive compassion. She looked at Master Kenobi. Now, there was a pragmatist, a man possessed of a scientist’s soul. [Karen Miller. Star Wars: Clone Wars Gambit: Stealth]

Have an inability or unwillingness to recognize the needs and feelings of others: nope.

“Oh. That’s right.” There was still dried blood on her fingers, and a dull, throbbing pain in her head. “I’m sorry. I’m not normally this stupid. I just—” And then she felt her face crumple and heard herself sob. Her knees buckled and she began to sink toward the floor. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” she choked. “Don’t mind me. I’m fine.” He caught her before she tumbled completely. Lifted her without effort and carried her to the sofa. Boneless and unprotesting, she let him. Let her face turn to his roughly shirted, dirty chest and howled her rage and shame against him. Dimly, she felt his hand warm and comforting on her back and heard his soft voice saying, over and over, “It’s all right. It’s all right. You’re safe now. It’s all right.” The crazy thing was that she did feel safe. For the first time since those Separatist blaster bolts seared the air and sand of Niriktavi Bay, since she saw her friends and colleagues slaughtered, she felt safe. [Karen Miller. Star Wars: Clone Wars Gambit: Stealth]

Be envious of others and believe others envy them: nope

The dining hall was a paneled room with soft, recessed lighting and thick red veda cloth hangings at the windows that muffled sound and cast a rosy glow on the diners. It was just like the exclusive restaurants Anakin had glimpsed on Coruscant — just like the spots the students were used to eating in, he was sure. And, like an exclusive restaurant, seating in the dining hall was subject to an unspoken code. It hadn't taken Anakin long to realize that the best tables were by the windows and he was not welcome there. He didn't know why he felt a coolness from most of the students, but he definitely felt it. When he was looking for a seat at a table, an empty chair would be pushed aside to another table, or a datapad or a pile of durasheet notes would be quickly placed on the seat. It was clear that no one wanted to sit with him. There was a power elite in the school, and everyone else fell in around it. Yet Ferus had been accepted almost immediately, and had his pick of places to sit. Was it because word had gotten out that he belonged to a powerful family on his homeworld? You can travel to the ends of the galaxy and it will be the same — those with power do not like to share. His Master had told him that once, in a voice of weary resignation. But sometimes Obi-Wan seemed to forget that Anakin had been a slave. If anyone knew about power, it was a slave. He knew about the hunger for it, and he knew about the humiliation of getting your nose rubbed in the fact that you didn't have it. He took his bowl of aromatic stew to an empty table and sat. It wasn't that he needed company. Jedi were comfortable being alone. But inside, something burned, something deep and hot that he had hoped had been long forgotten. He took a bite of stew and tasted shame and anger. It was hard to swallow, like a mouthful of sand. [Jude Watson. The School of Fear]

• Behave in an arrogant or haughty manner, coming across as conceited, boastful and pretentious: nope.

Anakin was looking relieved. “Water would be greatly appreciated, thank you. Food, too, but I’ll wait for Obi-Wan to come back before I eat.” She crossed to the small kitchen table, put down the precious holoprojector, then nodded at the commercial-sized conservator her keepers had so kindly given her. “It’s entirely up to you. The water’s in there. Help yourself to as much as you like.” He drank three full bottles, hardly taking a breath. Noticing her surprise, he shrugged. “Sorry. My manners aren’t usually that bad. It’s just—it’s been a long, hard day.” “I can tell,” she said, disposing of the emptied bottles down her makeshift kitchen’s waste chute. “You should sit down. If you don’t mind me saying so, you look tired.” He considered his filthy clothes. “Are you sure? I don’t want to dirty the furniture.” [Karen Miller. Star Wars: Clone Wars Gambit: Stealth]

Insist on having the best of everything — for instance, the best car or office: nope. There’s no evidence of Anakin ever concerning himself over status or material possessions. 

[littlefreya]

( Hi I'm the true newbie - if you remember, how are you? Btw, if you need me to hunt down bitches and teach them a lesson I'll happily do so cause we can't have people harassing you )

How crazy is someone loving himself to be considered narcissistic? I do know that we're always taught to envy being like somebody else and having other traits that we might never have, looking a certain way and even acting in a certain way so it might not be common (sadly) to be satisfied and happy about yourself and your personality. But it's wild that a simple man that likes himself for who he is can be considered narcissistic. And that's another problem, people use this word way too often and sometimes don't know what that means, it's an actual mental health issue and it can be diagnosed, the real narcissist aren't like that because they want to be and it affects their lives and their loved ones.

I guess it's a known thing that Henry struggled with body image and he was called Fat Cavill in school and if anything he politely accepts compliments cause he can't be like ' oh shut up talking about my looks ' in interviews! We're also not inside his mind to know what's going on, he might be standing in a tuxedo, smiling and still feeling insecure on the inside and we won't know unless he addresses it, and knowing the world we're in people might say he's faking to have peoples empathy cause of course someone that looks like him could never be insecure. Also, being an actor is tough on their bodies cause they have to change and shape their physic in many ways to fit a role, Viola Davis had to weight 200 pounds and lose it all very fast for another project and she is 55 years old!

I think that ask ( and I'm not hating on the anonymous ) really hit home here cause I've been reflecting a lot on self love and practicing self love, people like to say that you have to practice self love and admire yourself until you do and then they're upset, cause you're not doubting yourself and looking at your appearance in a bad way so there's no longer the insecure person you 'help' see the light and you're no longer 'the better person' I've had about twenty friends like this.

I've been struggling with my body and even my personality for all my life, I've been called names and I have let people treat me a certain way cause of the way I looked, cause who else is gonna look at me? And even so, I'm the furthest thing from beauty standards, and I still struggle. But I love myself, so very much, and I wish people love themselves too, and I am the most important person in my life for sure, cause I carry the weight of my sorrows and the beauty of being who I am, I'm my best friend, and that doesn't make me or anyone a narcissist, it makes me someone who won't let people treat me a certain way cause I have value and I deserve better. I am the last cookie of the jar ( Henry can have it tho ) and all I wish if for all pretty people I have around me to feel the same way, and to see how amazing and beautiful they are, so we can all love each other and love ourselves.

This is a long-ass rant, I'm sorry for that, please ignore it if you wish, and please love yourself cause you're a rockstar, you're so funny and your blog is addictive. ♥

Hey, not sure what you are saying by “True Newbie” since I had to block someone who called themselves Dark!fic Newbie and turned out to be a crazy person who harassed me here in the past.

Okay, let me differentiate the subjects for some clarity because you are absolutely right that people are misinformed and use the term without even realising how serious this condition is.  

1. Self-love is important - self-love is accepting your flaws, considering them beautiful for what they are, and trying to improve on yourself and take better care of yourself. 

There is nothing wrong with wanting to be stronger, muscular, thinner, fuller etc in order to take care of your body. 

You can still love yourself and think you are good looking or be a bit troubled with your looks (we are human, we all have our ego) and be kind toward others. 

Yes, some people are a bit self-centred but I wouldn’t name them narcissists. Henry is not self-centred from what I’ve seen, he seems to be kind and yes he cares about how he looks, he was bullied he will always have that voice in his mind telling him he is ugly...   

2. Narcissism is a serious personality disorder. Narcissistic people are selfish, self-centred, manipulative, disrespectful of others, victimising themselves for attention and to make you feel guilty and sorry for them, lack any responsibility, lack empathy, lie, and try to control others. 

Narcissistic people see other people as tools and means for their exaggerated self-importance and self-idolisation.

So no, I don’t see Henry as someone who has narcissistic traits. 

Trust me, I grew up with a narcissistic mom...

[tumbleranch-dorm]

“You never heard of yodeling before? fufu I see.....no it’s nothing really Prefect”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

TECHNICAL INFORMATION

Name: Ferdrick Y’Oddel

Japanese: フレデリック・ヨーデル

Romanji: Furederikku Yōderu

Other Name:

Ferd (himself)

Boss (Eb)

Sir (Clinton)

Roi de Yodel (Rook)

Rank 3 Narcissistic Player (Idia)

Squid (Floyd)

Yawneler (Leona)

Voiced by Akira Ishida

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

BIOGRAPHICAL INFORMATION

Gender: Male

Age: 18

Birthday: March 15

Starsign: Pisces

Height: 184 cm

Eye Color: Pesto Green

Hair Color: Tabasco Red

Homeland: Town of Iron Pistol

Family: Father, Mother, Cole (distant relative)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

PROFESSIONAL STATUS

Dorm: Tumbleranch

School Year: Third

Class: 3-A Student no. 09

Occupation: Student and Dorm Leader

Club: Light Music Club

Best Subject: Music

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

FUN FACTS

Dominant Hand: Left

Favorite Food: Scrambled Egg

Least Favorite Food: Canned Beans

Dislikes: Anyone dislike his talent

Hobby: Composing Lyrics, Guitar/Ukelele

Talents: Yodeling

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

UNIQUE MAGIC “Yodeling is ART”

Controlling the minds of mages, even creatures with his hypnotic yodeling. This effect will temporary give a distorted colorful eyes once whom heard him yodel. Anyone couldn’t resist the power of his vibrant tune and obediently do what the user’s command and chances are might lose the memory during the hypnotic trance in the aftermath.....unless it was all just a dream.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

PERSONAL INFORMATION

Ferdrick is what the dorm needs for a leader to take over Tumbleranch. Truly industrious and sharp-witted yet confident and narcissistic with very much proud of himself possessing these kinds of traits. There are times he can be annoyingly too prideful having the tendency to flaunt others by his gentleman looks with his smooth talking especially likes to showing off he has the most beautiful yodeling voice than any yodeler’s out there. He does also sing but he prefers to yodel a lot. Very confident of his potential he wouldn't care less what others think about his talent, he's very self-assured of his potential and wouldn't mind demonstrating if they insistently asked also wouldn't mind to butt heads with anyone or dorm leaders if they asked for a challenge from him. He would immediately accept it to prove that he can do better than anyone else

Ferdrick is also a legend fanatic, deeply respected but more adored the dorm’s legend “Vainglorious and Notorious Outlaw” Ferdrick has a lot of knowledge about the legend’s stories thanks to research and ancient books pretty much loves to tell tales about it with anyone of those who haven’t heard of him especially to first years

Being as egoistic as he is but Ferdrick's words and actions are truly friendly & gentle at times. He wouldn’t mind to lend a helping hands of his peers, juniors, or friends when the situations are in a pinch but rather done it behind the scenes and little do they know he does care and worries of his dorm mates welfare and show a bit of softness even though when everyone is a bunch of rebelled children. Although for TR (tumbleranch) students, they seem to have mixed feelings towards their dorm head. They have respected him taking the huge responsibility of taking care in good hands while trying to discipline them before doing anything dangerous and do promise he’d make the dorm a better place for a new coming of students to feel at ease and enjoy the life here as shown how much work he’d put through for a leader

Well.....that wouldn’t be wicked for him to do. Don’t get him wrong, he’s not the type of person who’d want himself to be involved in danger like all of Tumbleranch would, and besides he’s honestly would never become one of them. Not entirely fond with rebels but he’s kind enough not to spoil everyone’s crazy fun time, permitting them to do unnecessary things just as much as they want but not too far (people stated him to be called “Boss” of the organization because Ferd does act like one) meanwhile students were frightened by him because of his fury & sadistic nature. His speeches will change to violent containing hurtful or insensitive remarks, subconsciously murmurs with a head full clouded of harsh punishments and using his favorite weapon to threaten others off with just a smile but usually, he’d chose to smack the heads of those who disobeyed, anger, or upset him, that’s all. Not to mention he’d be more infuriating if anyone say YODEL SUCKS in front of him. With hardheadedness around, he thought of being the leader would likely take over the herd but didn't expect this to turn out frustrating and troublesome to deal with than he ever imagine

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

BACKGROUND

Born in a political family. He’s the only child living with his parents growing up in high-class society. Being pampered and groomed by maids and butlers everyday and his personality were different from before mainly he used to be so obedient towards his parents. His father is the mayor from his hometown “Town of Iron Pistol” while his mother is a sophisticated noblewoman from a noble family. Most of Ferd’s relatives, his father side, were well known and respectable politicians working part as the supreme democratic parties. His father wanted his son’s future to follow his footsteps as taking the position of deputy mayor and soon after, being as mayor once he grown to be a fine adult, one day. So during his childhood, both his parents decided to take Ferd in homeschooling and hired finest tutors giving him much proper educations of along with magic training living up to his life with no distractions in playing outside, nor with children, and nor meaningless children activities but books and learning mannerism then soon to realize Ferd felt nothing but bored and dissatisfied what his parent’s contribute to him. Few months later, the family went traveling for business and that time, Ferd happened to listen to country music for the first time by visiting to a concert. Young Ferd was contented by the music dreaming himself to be the famous country celebrity someday. Playing music and yodeling his heart out which is his first time feeling the excitement more passionate about it however none of his were parents approved of it. They thought it’s just a children’s fantasy and doubt their son’s dream becoming a country singer will ever come true and besides, they did the trouble raising him to be a successful son and it was right of them for their son to be one of the public parties just like their family. His dad was upset about Ferd and wouldn’t support his son’s dream by using his force to take away his instruments also forbids him to yodel. Despite the cruel punishment, Ferd had already made up his mind of pursuing his passionate dream, proving he can and will become a country celebrity. Time goes by, his relationship with his family are a bit complicated and constantly argue each other. Starting his college year at NRC, he decided to fake his own background. Lying to everyone believing he was an ordinary orphan who happened to got adopted by a loving and supportive family raised up to be hardworking, intelligent, and passionate boy he was and used that to hide his spoiled rich life behind. None of people of NRC even his dorm members know he’s a noble

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OTHER FACTS

He’s twisted version of Alameda Slim the Cattle Rustler

Ferdrick & Cole are actually distant relatives

Likes to listen country music related

His hobby is composing lyrics and plays guitar or Ukelele often during his kill time that’s why he nailed his yodeling performance so effortlessly and rather play solo

Ferd wasn’t fond or more like having hard time handling bovines/cows. It’s not just he’s scared of them but it’s because he learned from his legend was defeated by unusual cows so he doesn’t trust them at all

Floyd calls him Squid because he sees Ferdrick & Azul similar because their appearance are slightly alike (long-sided hair but Ferd’s longer, wearing glasses and hat, both have their canes, act like mafia bosses) Both of them hates to admit

He has a cane that can turned into a branding iron and usually fights with that

He’s good at gun firing and sword fighting

He’s slow at counting moneys

Made a promise to his favorite Idol that he’ll become a country star as them someday from ong time ago

Had a bad relationship with his parents and doesn’t want to talk about

Y’Odell wasn’t actually his surname. He never wants to reveal the real surname to anyone

[malreginamills]

My Take OUAT Villains Part 1

Regina - An intimidating personality with softer side and capability of empathy and selflessness . She was a fine mom before Henry started to see that she was a mean boss of the town . Then she became more strict with him BUT when fairytale stuff came to play , she became a  bad parent and she almost became her mom when her magic returned before she realised that she has done too much evil  .  He was not a good son either . As EQ , she was a  feared villain with max body count ONSCREEN not OFFSCREEN . I assume that there may be only few who outdid her .  She has a life full of crap and is a pawn of others all the time before she  came back to being a hero . She is a better hero than Emma and as good as Snowing .  She is only villain who used to be a hero .Regina as a hero is even more dangerous adversary than EQ . Unlike other villains , she and Rumple did true to resist temptation for evil  until Rumple himself made things worse . As a villain , she is delusional . She is  the most scary of them all but there can be villains as bad as her or WORSE  . She has crossed many lines BUT if there are some lines she won’t cross . I doubt she would like to have a child with David to piss Snow .

Rumple - A complicated guy whose favorite passtime is creating villains out of his students . He was a coward BUT he was also a father . He is incredibly selfish and makes big plans  when he can achieve his goal by smaller plans as well , a trait also seen in his students . He was a teacher of Regina for a longer time and made sure of the fact that she became a monster . WEmmaonce said about WRumple that he may be razing villages so , it is safe to say WRumple did stuff like that in the past since I doubt he would be razing villages in lockup  for 30 years . If WRumple did that so , it means real Rumple also did it . I doubt Rumple raped people BUT he  tricked them  . I think he stopped mass murder when  Belle was around but continued with being a trickster  and mastermind . He was relatively saner than Regina sometimes since he used brains more than she did as a villain . As a hero Regina was the saner one .  I think that Charmings were too nice to him in S2 and too mean to Regina in S2 . In S4 , they were really nasty to him BUT they were not heroes nor villains that season . He became likeable in S6B AND S7 . He did have lesser pain than Regina since spinsters were actually  nice guardians  to him and he was not always that much troubled  and tortured

Cora- Deliciously evil woman who cares for her daughter BUT her morals warped with Rumple's shadiness is what  is really what turned Regina evil . She made her daughter's life way worse than hers and Rumple's . She scared the hell out of me BUT I was sad when she died . UW Cora was more likeable .  I remember her as a redeemed villain than a hero.  She was more cunning than Regina and as cunning than Rumple . If she lived longer than Rumple , she would have been worse .  Also S3 shows her daughter Regina as her own antihesis .  She is literally heartless and sees love as weakness . Voldemort anyone ?

Hook - He was fine in S2 and WHook was likeable in S7 BUT from S3-7 , org Hook was all about Emma and CS . He lived longer than Regina , Cora and Zelena so , he should be as bad or worse BUT they whitewashed him SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH that even Snow's half heart had more darkness than that in S3 and in S6 . He himself talked about destroying villages in his song  and it shows that he is as bad as the Mills ladies . He likely was into rape and he had many one night stands that even Regina would be aghast .  Also his revenge is not justified or reasonable and it makes Cora look justified in hating Eva and Regina reasonable for hating Snow. It was he who separated Rumple and Milah and then in S5-6 he acted that Rumple was worse . Regina had really good reason to loathe Rumple  yet it never looked like that she was in mood to dance on his grave since she believed that life is precious .  He was also a homewrecker .  I think that he is worse than Rumple and can be as bad as Cora . His DO self showed us his true evilness . At least Regina would be trying to restrain herself from all that  DOness .   He did not take time to become a  full fledged villain as compared to Regina , Cora  and  Rumple .  It took him seconds to do that .  He was definitely done dirty in later seasons . I still love HOOK’ s past self more . 

Greg and Tamara - WHY ? They are foreigners  . They do not make sense to me  . Other villains have done way more evil  than they can dream of though they were almost  about to commit mass murder  BUT they are delusional .

Pan - IDK how many he killed, how much evil he did  BUT apparently , he  must have done a lot of that . Even Hook finds him demonaic and treacherous (although he did the same for Rumple ) . He was more twisted than all the others  mentioned before .  He utterly lacks any decency . He seems to be vain , self seeking  , power hungry  , immortality loving , uncaring , callous person  . If he succeeded , even Cora and Hook would  look  tame and humane .He is a  narcissist . Its like Disney Mother Gothel , Disney Ursula and our  Rumple together as one person . He was not only an evil power seeking overlord like Rumple and Cora but also he  was sick  and awful . He was both terrifying and terrible .  It was the best  culmination of fairytale evil with real life evil .

 Zelena - She makes me like Pan sometimes . At least Pan , Cora , Regina , Rumple and Hook did not start the system of brands . According to her  villainy needs to be branded like footwear and clothes . She  is  awfully competitive. In fandom she aroused a need of debating on who is more powerful . Every time she boasts  about being more powerful , she needs to be punched on her face . OMG Regina literally did that .  She branded herself as wicked and branded her sister as evil . She  does not terrify me BUT she is perhaps the most devious one of all . For someone who has undergone pain , she sounds like a spoilt brat  who whines like all the time . Everytime Regina is tired of her life problems , it looks like that she is in pain . In S2  Regina did a lot of whinning BUT she did not sound like this  sick brat . Regina did seem like someone who has undergone a lot of crap  .  I think that Zelena as a spoilt princess of Oz who was pissed about her true heritage  and ditched her adoptive family and killed them would make more sense and would do justice to her S3-5A personality . In 5B-7 , her softer side was apparently a bit forced and so was her new relationship with Regina but it was more true to her backstory  and her S3-5A self BUT it was like having Regina in earlier seasons back sometimes .  Her  WWW wardrobe should beas good as EQ’s . She should also have more hairstyles as WWW . I think that Zelena is also arrogant and narcissistic as compared to anyone else . She is incredibly self obsessed .   Regina was a mass murderer and rapist  . Rumple was self serving , selfish and power hungry  magic addict . Hook was a s*x addict  and a mass murderer   . Cora was a power loving mass murderer and a heartless .  Pan was relatively less self obsessed .  Quite many seem to come from a sadder place BUT she looks life she came from a posh life . Even young Snow and young Eva were not that bratty even though they are actual brats . Her rape of Robin to have a child with him to piss Regina shows how twisted she is . She also feels like an awkward addition since   she has never said the iconic villainous line , “LOVE IS WEAKNESS .”  She tries to outdo REGINA so , she must have tried to be more evil  and she must have killed even more since she is like Regina killed 1 guy , I would kill 10 . 

Ingrid - A short term villain but she was basically another Regina . She was also xenophobic towards muggles due to her bad experiences but later , she came to her senses . She was an unintentional succcessful attempt at making another  EQ and Cora . I wish she stayed longer . We also got a dark Elsa . Her subtelty  was awesome  . She was basically my fav beside Rumple , Regina and Cora .  I still wish if Regina was one of the people she wanted as a sister along with Emma since I do not want  Emma to be left behind either . She is way better than Zelena . I think she should be nicer to memory of Helga at least . 

Maleficent - We heard things about her more than we actually saw her do stuff .  Since Regina has more  some traits of Org Maleficent than her .  Kristen did a fine job with her and did make her scary in the way Mitchel made Ingrid scary . BUT I never saw her interrupting gatherings . Regina did that one .  I never saw her  plotting and being cruel . I never got the mistress of Evil . I never saw the woman she really was  when it came to Briar Rose. What was her foul temper like ? She was redeemed quickly .  I think I was better off with one redeemed Maleficent and now there were 2 of them  .  I wanted her evil at larger scale .  Maleficent did show some wickedness in S4 and it was awesome  BUT I think I preferred REGINA , CORA , HOOK , RUMPLE  , INGRID and even ZELENA level villainy  . Maleficent , these are the experts  .   Maleficent was  more a victim than a villain . Most of others were both . She may be a fine chracter BUT she was a poor villain . 

Ursula - Don’t ask . She hardly came in before she went away . 

Cruella- This is a good villain . Only born EVIL person besides Pan before 6*19 came up . She is better than Zelena and Maleficent  combined . I would love to see Cruella at her worst . I think this character demanded to be explored more .  She does not have standards at all . She tries her best to be the evilest  and can succeed . No wonder Issac had to stop her .  We can only imagine that her villainy would be the worst of worst . 

Issac - He is soo sick and awful . Can’t say anything more . He is rebirth of Greg and Tamara who are just meh . 

Dark Swan - What is this monstrosity ? I would prefer Zelena  and Maleficent over this . Apparently , I think “Black Swan” would be better  than what this name is  . And also , we all hoped that Emma would dabble into some Cora , Rumple , Regina , Past HOOK and Ingrid level EVIL and have a maniacal laugh .  We may have had EQ back . It would be good to see Snowing’s faces when Emma becomes New EQ . We wanted mental issues , rage problems , broken heart , betrayal problems , trust issues , past issues  driving her mad . Trying to convince WickedGoldenHookedQueen to join her in her delicious rampage with only Zelena joining her . Zelena the brat and Black Swan a psycho  teaming up  . BUT instead we got an unhealthily obsessed woman who got Robin Hood killed unintentionally . SHE MADE DARK HOOK .  She caused mayhem in Camelot and Storybrooke just because of Hook ? If it was really her , she would have let Hook die instead of making him DO .And after she stops being Dark Swan ,she drags her family to UW ? What is this ? High level character assasination . OH WAIT , Emma’s potential for darkness , her capacity to be Evil lies with Lily . Why they made her Darknessless . It makes sense that she is not that evil  . I think this should be resolved .  In my headcannon , she got the potential for evil back when she was sent to WR since In WR Cruella never left  so ,  WR Maleficent never lost Lily so , WR Emma still has darkness . If they continuede , we could have had Evil Emma back . For now , Dark Swan is terrible , not terrifying . I find her name Emma ironical now since she is not whole .

[reroseshi]

🦇Psychological Analysis of Diabolik Lovers❤:

Hi! I've decided for my first own Tumblr post that I should talk about the franchise that I have been a fan of for 6 years: Diabolik Lovers. After being in this fandom for so long I felt personally kinda cheap for me to just do a short funny post about DL

… sooo~~~ i've decided to share my personal psychological analysis on all the diaboys! Disclaimer: 

1-My memory is quite short and trying to analyse 13  fictional mentally ill boys is quite tricky so please be easy on me.^^

2- English isn't my first language so there might be some mistakes so please pardon me for that!

3- I am currently still working on the Mukami's, the Tsukinami's and Kino so they aren't gonna be in this post!

4- I based myself on the manga and MAINLY HDB and MB for my analysis.

Thank you and have a good reading!^^~ <3

-Rero

Sakamaki's:________________________________

-Shu Sakamaki:

Shu is the first born and the heir of the Sakamaki family. Thus, whether he wants it or not, it was decided even before he was born that he will be the victim of a lot of pressure. That pressure to become worthy of being the heir not only came from both of his parents but the servants as well. He couldn’t be free for two seconds. He was obliged to stay inside the castle/mansion (sometimes in the garden with his mom) to study and train, but he wasn’t allowed to go somewhere else. As he lived in a strict environnement, he wasn't happy as a kid and wanted to escape from that life. Meeting Edgar gave him true happiness. He was his first real best friend and he eventually lost him in the flames of his village. Imagine the thing or person who made you discover true happiness burning in front of your own very eyes. You will most likely lose hope in making other close relationship with anything or anyone. That's how Shu is. A depressed, borderline suicidal man who doesn't have any hope anymore and thinks that it is all his fault. Refusing anyone close to him and empty on a daily basis, he uses music as a way to cope with everything. If you think that Shu is easier to love because "he is less harsh than the other brothers" then you are wrong. Shu doesn't want to be involved with anything or anyone. If you try to get close to him, then get ready to be hurt because he is a sadist like his brothers and can hurt you if he doesn't want you near him.

-Reiji Sakamaki:

(If you want a more detailed and a well done analysis, please go check this one:

Reiji was severely neglected as a child by both of his parents. He basically spent his entire childhood trying to get their attention or at least some recognition from them, especially his mom’s, but never got any or if he did it was to remind him that he should be a good younger/brother/servant/right-hand man for his older brother, the next heir of the Sakamaki family Shu. Thus, as he grew up he developed a strong feeling of jealousy for his brother to the point of having a severe inferiority complex. In addition to that, the bitterness that he has for ages inside of him about his mother still resides in him and as we know he is still trying to revive her. Reiji is a man who holds grudges from his past and seeks revenge. He is also someone who loves attention (maybe not as much as Kanato) and wants to be recognized as superior to his brother whom he despises so much to the point that you cannot even talk about Shu around him without having either a death glare or a ass whooping. By putting high standards on to himself, not only in the present but also in his past, he’s become a perfectionist who cares a lot about image and manners. He even forces Yui in his route to learn the perfect lady etiquette. Why does he act this way? Simple, in my opinion it is because he likes to keep a perfect image of himself in a way to detach himself from his brothers whom he despises a lot. You might also ask: if he hates his brothers, then why didn’t he kill them yet? Well, Reiji in one interview (https://prevolt.tumblr.com/post/103068375676/diabolik-lovers-dark-fate-stellaworth-complete )admits that he doesn’t completely hate living with his bros, also if he would’ve killed them, his father would’ve punished him. Even if he seems not that bad with his gentleman personality, Reiji isn’t a kind man. Reiji can easily kill someone. To end this, to go back to the butler-like image he gives himself, I think it could be a mask to hide the insecurities he has. I also believe that he constantly lies to himself and that he doesn’t truly understand his own emotions or even himself has seen many times in his HDB route and in the manga.

-Ayato Sakamaki:

(For Ayato I fell upon this really interesting analysis if you are interested ) 

Ayato, in his childhood, like all of his brothers, was not treated well by his father but he , most importantly, got overpressured by Cordelia to be number one. He couldn’t get out and play freely like any normal child can do because when he would sneak out, he got punished and got slapped in the face by his own mother telling him that if he cannot be number one, he is not allowed to call her “mother” again.(Also, do I need to remind you all the lake scene from his childhood… )For him, you cannot be loved and/or appreciated if you’re not number one. Because he had to live such a childhood, he developed a severe narcissistic personality. Narcissists are not born, they are made, and they are made by being over praised as a kid for their success (such as having a good grade at school, winning a competition or an award, being the best in what they are doing) and by being emotionally neglected. (Ex: throughout the day the child is getting good compliments from their parents by being the number one at school but when the kid will start crying, the parents will ignore or punish him for it. Not giving him any love or support. Which will lead the kid to build himself an ego higher than Yūma’s height and rejecting his own emotions.) I think it describes Ayato’s behaviour and his past pretty well. Another thing that is important to consider about Ayato is that he looks as if he is frozen in time. (Which is a trait that can also be found in any real life narcissists) Even if his mother is dead and that he has nothing to prove anymore, he is still stuck in the “I need to be number one” as if his brain didn’t move on to the present. In addition to that, Ayato is a really childish man. I mean: he needs Yui’s attention and approval all the time, pouts like a kid, acts like a kid (when he asked Yui to stroke his hair in a childish way, plays pranks on Reiji, …) and sometimes speaks like a kid when things are not going the way he wants them to go. Also, once states that he doesn’t wish to have someone special in his life again because the last one who was special (his mom) broke his heart. Ayato himself and himself only and the only goal in his life is to prove that he is the best. To do that, he will use ANY sadistic method and won’t stop even if you beg. Heck, it’ll only excite him more. He is a narcissistic sadist who keeps his emotions far away from him.

-Kanato Sakamaki:

(For this character I highly suggest that you take a good look a this psychological analysis since in my opinion really detailed and the author made a really good job making it: . Thank you~)

Just like his brother Laito, Kanato throughout his childhood was severely neglected and treated very harshly by both of his parents. The only thing that was valuable to his mother’s eyes was his beautiful voice and literally made him sing until his vocal cords bled. I suspect that Kanato probably suffers from Asperger syndrome from how he acts when he is mad, the fact that he doesn’t understand his or the emotions of others and his overall behaviour. In the present we can all see that he is almost, if not, the scariest of all sakamaki brothers and I think that it is mainly due to the lack of attention and support from his parents. Of all the Sakamaki’s, Kanato is the one who, from very early in his childhood, needed attention and support the most. Why do you think he always has a teddy in his arms (with his mother’s ashes in it must I remind you..)and makes his own doll made out of the body of dead women? Kanato simply cannot stand being alone. He would rather have you dead by his side for all eternity than being rejected or even worse, ignored.(I really recommend to read Kanato’s analysis since it really explains well his behaviour on that aspect^^)

He is maybe cute, remember that he is unable to understand your emotions and that he has no problem killing you. Also to be able to survive with him, you will have to abandon your logic and read in between the lines which isn’t an easy task..(This one is shorter because I think that Kanato isn’t that complex. He is just really different but still stays, in my opinion, pretty simple and easy to understand)

-Laito Sakamaki:

Laito is what I would call an empty pervert who uses sex as a coping mechanism. He believes that there’s nothing more real than pleasure. He even goes further in his “crazy” beliefs that “even the sweetest pain can become the greatest pleasure”. Behind his playful, sociable, perverted personality is a really cruel, cunning and manipulator expert who knows the best tricks to manipulate someone since his mother uses those on him in his “young adulthood” to have sexual intercourses with him. Only used as a sex partner by his mom as a child and never received any unconditional love from his parents, he has a bad definition of love. For him love=lust, real love (true love or even unconditional love) doesn’t exist and that it is all fake. He spends his time having sex to forget about the women that broke him and would even go as far as threatening Yui to death if she resist him when she doesn’t want to get involve in his “activities” or “little games”. But even after all that he can’t forget her and still is captive of her “love”, still feeling her, remembering her scent and everything about her. He can’t escape from that jail. Finally, it’s important to remember that Laito is a sadist who takes an amount of pleasure by having someone succumbing to him in a mental and sexual way. He is not someone to be taken lightly. You might not see the danger totally at first by that’s just how Laito is. He even says it himself in his HDB route, he is the type of man who will follow his prey in an alley before attacking it. Therefore, he is not like most of his brothers, he is not going to attack fully. He’s slowly going to take little bites of you and before you even realize it, you won’t be able to escape from him anymore.

-Subaru Sakamaki:

First of all, we need to know that Subaru was born (just like almost all of his brothers) just for the sake of Karl’s plan. What is different about Subaru is that his mother became crazy when she had her child. (I just want to state that she did want the child and Karlheinz did not totally raped her since it is stated that she accepted but we also all know that she was being manipulated. Since for the moment I want to concentrate more on Subaru I will not spend too much time explaining his parents relationship but it is something that we should definitely analyse as well in my opinion) Subaru was severely neglected by his father and he never knew what it was to have a normal mother. Throughout his entire childhood, he’s witnessed his mother’s unstable mind, bipolarity, her tantrums episodes and even worse, not only her insults being thrown directly at him but her literally asking him to kill both her and Karl. Because of that, he’s developed anger issues, a lack of trust with women, a severe depression and he is, if not, borderline suicidal. I also want to state that (He even states in his route in HDB that the two people he hates the most in “this world” is 1) Karlheinz 2)himself)Subaru is one if not the most sensible emotionally. So that means he feels harder than the others. You can also see that he has developed similar traits has his mother has you get to know him more in his route such as: bipolarity (when he orders Yui to always come and tell him where she’s going and then get mad when she does so telling her that he doesn’t care) and random tantrums. (when he gets mad à Yui for no good reason and even makes false assumptions) Not only does he usuels violence as a coping mechanism but he also always isolates himself, not letting anyone in his hard shell because he believes that he can’t do any good and that he is useless. In his presents, he still believes in his mother’s insults and thinks of him as someone filthy, disgusting, weak, a monster who can’t do anything to help the person he loved, his mother. He hates himself. He is constantly irritated by everything. If you want to love him you will have to endure the violence that he’s going to give to you and live with his confusion and irritation against not only everything that surrounds him but also against himself and you, and you will have to give up your life to make him trust you entirely.

[dollarstoreghostie]

𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐃𝐄𝐀𝐃 𝐁𝐘 𝐃𝐀𝐘𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓 𝐊𝐈𝐋𝐋𝐄𝐑𝐒 𝐁𝐘 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐈𝐑 𝐃𝐀𝐃 𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐑𝐆𝐘

Dad Energy as in literal dads, not daddies but like, which killer gives off the energy that they’d teach me to ride a bike, scold me for staying out too late or wear atrocious mismatched clothing — THAT kind of dad energy.  Second only to Caleb, Kazan has immense soccer dad energy. He’d be the dad who’d brag about all of his children’s accomplishments and push them to be constantly better. The one who’d sign his kids up for all the clubs, push them to be class president and fight a Karen who made a snide comment about them under their breath. In short, he’d be overbearing and have extremely high expectations but would love them with all his heart regardless. If necessary, he would die for his kids, they’d be his EVERYTHING and any insecurity they’d have would be met with intense confusion from him, because they are a Yamaoka, they are powerful and important and the fact that they’d ever forget that is so strange to him.

𝐌𝐎𝐒𝐓 𝐃𝐀𝐃 𝐋𝐈𝐊𝐄

CALEB QUINN - THE DEATHSLINGER

I’m proud to proclaim, that Caleb has the greatest dad energy in dead by daylight, he has vibes of the emotionally distant dad who seems to love his workshop more than his kids, but would kill anyone stupid enough to mess with his kids. He’s the kind of dad who’d give you your first beer in secret and talk with you about life. The one you wouldn’t appreciate until you’re a teenager, the one who gave up things you can’t imagine until you get to place where you stand in his shoes. THAT kind of dad. And it makes sense - given his lore and status as the leader of a close knit of (probable young) irish ex-cons, it’s likely he took on a paternal role. Dispensing harsh punishment on his followers who got too big for their britches and a respect laced care for the rest who fell into line. Like, these men were so loyal to Caleb that they were willing to die for his honour, you can’t tell me he didn’t take on a bigger role than just leader. 

KAZAN YAMAOKA  - THE ONI

Second only to Caleb, Kazan has immense soccer dad energy. He’d be the dad who’d brag about all of his children’s accomplishments and push them to be constantly better. The one who’d sign his kids up for all the clubs, push them to be class president and fight a Karen who made a snide comment about them under their breath. In short, he’d be overbearing and have extremely high expectations but would love them with all his heart regardless. If necessary, he would die for his kids, they’d be his EVERYTHING and any insecurity they’d have would be met with intense confusion from him, because they are a Yamaoka, they are powerful and important and the fact that they’d ever forget that is so strange to him.

HERMAN CARTER - THE DOCTOR

Now, Herman Carter doesn’t have the makings of a good father figure. But I’d be remiss to not mention his vibes at all. Herman has the toxic, proud and narcissistic energy of an adoptive mentor in madness / helicopter father, kinda. maybe. Let me explain, Herman is the type of guy who’d see a fledgling student with all the makings (i.e traits) of him, and adopt them under his wings in his inhumane studies. He would encourage their  curiosity and experimentation, fostering an emotionally distant but fatherly role as he watched in genuine pride as he’d watch them rise up - but never surpass his greatness. Y’know? That is Herman’s energy. It’s not exactly dad like, but up there. 

𝐍𝐎 𝐃𝐀𝐃 𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐑𝐆𝐘

MAX THOMPSON JR - THE HILLBILLY 

Now, good ol’ Maxy- he’s a unique case, he doesn’t have outright dad energy per say, thus warranting his inclusion this low in the list, yet, I feel he deserves a higher inclusion because he WISHES he could make a family. He wishes he could recreate that idealic, loving white picket fence existence he’s sought so desperately and hopelessly (and deserves imo.)

PHILLIP OJOMO - THE WRAITH 

Phillip, dear Phillip, he has older brother energy, or aloof uncle at best. With his reservation and closed off emotional state, he doesn’t meet the aloof but warm hearted and well meaning vibes of the typical dad, or narcissism of a helicopter dad. He’s traumatized and stuck in a hellish purgatory between healing and suffering and has no business longing for a family or even thinking of one. So, he’s further down on this list, but, at the end of the day, I’d trust him with a child above anyone else.

EVAN MACMILLAN - THE TRAPPER

I hate to say it, but with his past in focus, his apparent brainwashing and overall demeanor, Evan has non-existent dad vibes and would make a TERRIBLE father if presented the chance to have children. He was groomed into being a carbon copy of his father and while he fought tooth and nail to avoid his fathers control, it eventually broke him, just like his mother. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love Evan, he deserves a kinder, better future, but not one with children and not one as a father. 

TALBOT GRIMES - THE BLIGHT

Talbot has nonexistent dad vibes because he just doesn’t want to be one, he doesn’t care and won’t budge. For real, it’s a deal breaker for him and he will immediately remove himself from any situation involving children.

FRANK AND JOEY - THE LEGION

Never trust delinquent teenage boys with children, and, I can’t stress this enough, NEVER TRUST DELINQUENT TEENAGE BOYS WITH CHILDREN. Frank and Joey do not have dad vibes, so much so that I would say they have child vibes more than dad vibes. These dumbasses would lose a baby, deadass. This being said though, they both have cool but mean older brother energy, like they’d beat up your bullies because only they can bully you. And that’s that on that. 

DANNY JOHNSON - THE GHOSTFACE

Danny has little bastard vibes, not dad vibes. You can’t change my mind and even if pushed into a fatherly role, he would be two-faced, amiable to the child but petty and competitive, the poor child would never be able to have a normal childhood because Danny would subconsciously loathe it. 

JEFFERY HAWK - THE CLOWN

Given The Clown is based on J*hn G*cy, a vile excuse for a human being from the real world who is responsible for the deaths of 33 young men and children. I’m going to say he has p*doph*le energy just by association. For real. Beyond that though, he has rancid ‘dirty old man’ vibes all around. So I will say with no hesitation that he is no dad, he is a garbage man.

𝐃𝐎𝐍'𝐓 𝐋𝐄𝐓 𝐀𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐃 𝐂𝐇𝐈𝐋𝐃𝐑𝐄𝐍