#need to watch it at least 10 times before I can fully form my thoughts

[scarsmood]

Step-by-step manifesting a kintype for fun!

(Otherlinking)

Read time (10-15 min)

Methodology:

It is heavily recommended you follow the process order as follows:

Research

Meditation

Hypnosis

Be sure to remind yourself that you can do this cycle multiple times in order to gain a stronger connection. Be aware that this involves hypnosis which is a powerful tool and something that can pose legitimate risk to some people (see FAQ for clarification)

Process:

-Research-

To start off this journey begin with learning more about your kintype. You should watch videos, documentaries, read the wikipedia page, read essays, conservation efforts. Truly become knowledgable with this animal and learn its in's and outs. From there go into specifics. Study anatomy, behavior and environment. Learn about how their body works and why. What diseases they can carry and pass on. What sort of behavior they exhibit. How do they socialize? Do they create roles of systems? Are there politics?

Once you've done a decent amount of research begin drawing connection's between you and the target kintype. Start with basic stuff like "they're black and I like the color black" and build up to more advanced connections like "they have a matriarchal society, I specifically like the role of female 2nd in command best as it reflects my day to day role in life"

If you cant gather a lot of connections you may need to make a bridge kintype first something more familiar to you, then once comfortable branching out farther. For example if your target kintype is a crawfish and your current kintype is a horse. A bridge kintype may be something semi aquatic like a beaver or salamander.

Once you feel comfortable with that kintype you can extend yourself farther to your target kintype. It may take some patience to get there but everything comes with time and dedication.

Now that you know a decent amount about your kintype it's time to dig deeper!

-Meditation-

Meditation can be done through some scripts i'll drop below. (Also a type of self hypnosis just not as intense as an fyi)

If you're new to meditation I would start with learning how to clear your mind. This alone can take weeks of work if you've never done it before. Essentially the goal is to relax so much you are able to wipe away your thoughts that typically run through your mind. Your inner thoughts and monologue should be silent through your will as an end goal. People with ADHD will have a harder time but Its still possible.

Clearing your mind:

Pick a comfortable place to lay down. Close your eyes. Take some deep breathes. Feel your body relax slowly. This meditation is a game of attrition so be ready for patience. Notice the thoughts in your mind and step away from them. Try to watch them from a detached point of view. The ability to hear them but not so close. Slowly pull yourself farther and farther away from them. Let them stay behind you as you drift off. This may be easy for only a moment but you may feel them come back. Don't be discouraged each time you practice you'll be able to keep the thoughts tamped down for longer and longer. Practice this until you're able to hold a strong silence in your mind for at least 15 minutes. This will be good practice for what's to come.

The path:

Pick a comfortable place to sit or lay down. Choose an area your able to feel safe in and do any rituals or habits you may need to do in order to feel completely safe or relaxed. This could be lighting a candle, locking your door, listening to music, cleaning your space ect... once you feel relaxed sit down.

You'll want to practice this a few times with your eyes open to understand what to imagine as you read. Once you understand the hang of the script close your eyes and envision it fully.

You are in your hearthome. The place you hold truly dear to you. Your in your chosen form and can look around to fully take in what's around you. You'll notice a path ahead. Walk through it.

Each step as you walk focus on one sense. sight, what do you see? What's in front of you? Whats to your sides? Next is smell, what do you smell as you travel along the path? Is it humid? Is it windy? Then hear, what can you hear? How do your foot falls sound? What do you hear in your hearthome? Then touch, how does the path feel? How does your form feel? Can you feel your true body?

As you become familiar with your senses let them grow stronger as you travel down the path. When they become very strong let the intensity fully relax you. Get lost in the world around you as you discover this place. As you begin to get more enveloped in your world focus on your instincts and follow them in your mind. Do what your heart desires in this place. In this world there is no consequence for being what you are you can do whatever you want.

when you feel satisfied return to the path and walk back towards the way you came. Each step bringing you slowly back to the physical world. Each step intertwining what you've learned about yourself back to your physical body. Once you return to where you started you'll be grounded again and able to do whatever you need in your day to day.

Familiarization:

Once you become familiar with the script above you can stretch your muscles so to speak with a few more scripts below. This is practice in widening your scope of focus and ability to adapt and change.

Bring yourself to your hearthome like you have before and bring yourself down fully. Once your relaxed and ready imagine a new place that isn't your hearthome. It may be something like a different ecosystem, a grocery store, a bouncy castle. Whatever strikes your fancy.

Here you'll take a moment to explore this new area and note all the ways your kintype may interact with this new space. Be sure to stay positive even if the environment feels unnatural at first. Notice as time goes on how you begin to adapt to the environment. Do you walk a little differently? Do your eyes adjust to the new light? Getting used to these changes is key. Noticing them is important. Once you feel comfortable in this new space explore it further and interact with it.

Once you feel tired you can head back from the way you came again. Leading back to your hearthome then back to the physical world.

Body morphing:

Bringing yourself down again you'll want to focus on your forms body. Try to change the size of yourself. Give yourself feathers. Maybe claws. Maybe become softer or smaller. Notice the differences and what parts may be difficult for you to note down later. Once you feel done return to your normal form.

-Hypnosis-

For hypnosis, I would recommend doing the first script once for the first time you drop yourself and try to not do it again (unless you feel it is really necessary) the second script is more so a reinforcer which is made to cement a new kintype into place. (I used this one the most) a third script is relatively simple to tie loose ends you may have after a roughly 4-5 month process. (for me, year long process so far)

First script:

At this stage your now in-tune with this animal and basically roleplay as it often. You may not feel as though it's fully you yet and need to cement this identity further. I would suggest mastering the two above steps. Being able to seamlessly go through "the path" meditation and having done enough research to info dump around 2 pages of content to someone if they asked. (Not a strict standard, just my recommendation. You want a very solid foundation which can take time but is worth it)

At this point (I hope) through mediation and research you can see some stronger connections that may have developed or become more aware of. Using "the path" meditation bring yourself to the same trail this time with the intention of becoming the target kintype. As you walk forward think of those new stronger connections. Imagine yourself turning into that animal slowly as you draw on those connections.

Remind yourself how good it feels to be this kintype. How this aspect of you is growing and your nurturing it. Knowing you are fully in control and able to make this commitment to a new sense of self. Imagine imagery that represents you and this kintype meshing. What that looks like. What you look like as this kintype.

Feel your instincts shift over. Drawing on your previous experience of familiarization and body morphing imagine your body changing as your perception changes into something new. You are not "shifting" but becoming yourself. Something you want to be. Something you always have been but never got a chance to express it.

Let that freedom sink in that you are now closer to understanding yourself. That you are free and can stop anytime you want. When your done morphing you can feel something in your core locking into place. Listen to yourself and answer any questions you may have about this new form. Deicide if it's truly for you. If so push yourself deeper into the feeling of your new kintype and feel it sink into you permanently.

As if a new aspect of you has taken root. You can wake up as your kintype. Your the same person you always have been but now with a new facet to explore the world with.

Second script:

Bring yourself to a state of deep relaxation and meditation. Imagine you (in your target form) in your desired hearthome. Explore similarly like you did in "the path". While noticing the connections you made previously to this new kintype. Praise them and even show them off in this world. (Ex: i am a good hunter, so hunt!) do this at least once a week! Practice makes perfect.

Third script:

For tying loose ends. Figure out what may feel missing and bring yourself back into a meditative state. Line up the problems and conflicts and look for possible solutions. Some conflicts may be issues with ego, self esteem, anger issues, disconnect, ect... Experiment with a few solutions such as "i dont think im cool enough to be x" perhaps challenge it with compassion and understanding. See yourself as an adult helping a child. Listen to yourself honestly and kindly. Give yourself support and offer solutions of kind words.

Once every question that can be solved is solved you can wake up. The desired effect will be a greater confidence in your identity. You may need to repeat this script a few times as well.

Notes:

Practice makes perfect!

FAQ will be posted when people ask me questions. (This will be a growing collection)

Repeating this entire process will make connections much stronger even if you already mastered all of the steps. The act of repeating alone is very powerful.

FAQ:

How do you Choose a target type? -

whatever you want tbh the sky is the limit. If your like "that seems fun why not" and feel ready to commit your time to it then sure!

Are there any other Meditation and hypno techniques?-

this could probably be expanded further into a collection of hypnosis scripts and meditations but the ones i listed are a solid foundation. I would focus more on specalizations if i made more hypnosis like tying an identity to a trauma (in a healing way) or spiritually connecting with an identity (rituals)

Should I do any External stuff to?- i would recommend expressing your new kintype in anyways you see fit. For me i made a grackle statue and drew them a lot along with trying to do vocals and eating garbage so go nuts.

What would be a good outcome? Ideally you feel connected to a kintype you never felt connected to or wanted to feel connection but felt it was being stumped by something.

Do you think this would impact different Nerodivergencies? Yes!

‼️Systems are more at risk of creating full blown alters instead of a kintype!‼️

‼️Clinical lycanthropes will be prone to integrating a kintype into a delusion or developing new delusions. This process can also de-stabilize reliable and predicable delusions‼️

ADHD will probably struggle a lot with this technique and will probably need to do something external or multiple steps at once to feel stimulated

Autism should be fine? Same with cluster B disorders

Most noteably systems should take the most care to try this method because its **hypnosis** which is something systems are extremely prone to since they have an innate ability to dissociate easily. This can mean your brain can take the scripts "to far" and manifest something completely out of your control

If your a system and still want to do it id say go ahead but be aware of the risks. Taking breaks or taking the process very slow to make sure your stable may be the best course of action.

Resources:

None so far!

[explosionshark]

20 questions for fic writers

Tagged by @coraniaid and @isagrimorie. thanks!

1. How many works do you have on Ao3?

45 stories

2. What's your total Ao3 word count?

361,583 words

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Actively? Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Life is Strange, Mass Effect, Avatar the Last Airbender, Warrior Nun. But i'd be down for other stuff!

Formerly: MTV Scream, She-Ra, Oxenfree

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

You Got Cool (She-Ra, 6,990 kudos)

Everybody Needs a Fence to Lean On (Life is Strange, 2,140 kudos)

Tear You Apart (Life is Strange, 1,918 kudos)

Every Other Freckle (Life is Strange, 1,579 kudos)

Dream Blue Haze (Life is Strange, 1,535 kudos)

5. Do you respond to comments?

I've been trying to more recently! But I'm not always great at it. At the very least when someone comments something detailed and thoughtful I try to reply - those comments always mean a lot to me.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Not fully intentionally but the place @holdsteady and I left our collaborative fic How to Live Here was basically right after a massive fight/breakup between characters that we fully planned to resolve and then just.... never did. Oops. Surprisingly, people are very rarely mean to us about this.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Probably Body Language? Very much intended to have that one wrapped up with a bow.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not in a long time. Last time I really did was on some of my Life is Strange fics (either homophobic hate or bc i was writing a ship people didn't like).

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yeah! Femslash only.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I sometimes joke about/hc elaborate crossovers when I'm watching stuff with my friends, but I don't really have any interest in writing any. Or reading any, really, for that matter.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yeah! Had one of my LiS fics translated to Vietnamese. That was cool.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yeah! I co-wrote How to Live Here with my best friend @holdsteady! That's the only one that's been published, at least. @nataliving adn @jewishsuperfam and i have worked on some stuff together too and that's been fun :)

14. What's your all time favorite ship?

I don't know if I actually can pick one but honest Buffy/Faith are all-timers and absolutely formative. Second to that would be Rachel/Max/Chloe from Life is Strange.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

God, How to Live Here absolutely haunts me. There's a few Mass Effect ones (Shepard/Liara arranged marriage AU and my Jack/Miranda series) that I would love to finish but probably never will. Those are the ones that probably have the most written for them that I just haven't wrapped up.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think I'm good at a lot of it! I write pretty good smut, I'm good at character voice, I think my writing is pretty readable

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Actually writing lmao. I struggle with coming up with workable ideas. I intimidate myself out of projects a lot. I fall off stuff kinda easy too tbh. And I'm TERRIBLE at writing alone - for anything bigger than a oneshot I need someone to hype me up and hold my hand through it or else I get bored or lose confidence :?

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Generally in favor of skipping the google translate stuff. It's usually pretty whack

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Technically digimon when i was a little kid and before I even knew what fanfic was. First i posted was Danny Phantom

20. Favorite fic you've written?

I think Body Language is probably my best fic but for sentimental reasons I really love How to Live Here, since i wrote it with my best friend.

tagging @nataliving, @holdsteady, @shittinggold, @earthenterran, @lafgl, @aliceinwondrbra,, @strangesmallbard, @areweunderscoreweare, @jewishsuperfam, @morningsound15

[declanlikesmusic]

Today's Listens: Episode 006

August 11th & 12th, 2023

I'm sure you might be aware that my last episode was a delayed bummer by the end of it, so I'm really just gonna start writing these episodes on the days once again to hope for a better outcome with them. My days without work are already over as soon as they began and because of work yesterday and a knockout bout of hayfever today, I'm gonna have to turn this into another double episode because I've hardly listened to enough on both days. Still though, let's have fun with these

We got some more content warnings on this one, albeit they're minor in comparison: Do watch out for a short but immediate mention of suicide as well as a reference to sk*nning that even I can barely tolerate most of the time.

ℍUM♥ℕIGHTM♥RE – 宇宙の認識 (2016)

Do pardon the unicode that comes packaged with this artist's name, but this is HUMANIGHTMARE, a once young & up-and-coming vaporwave producer who tragically lost to suicide in 2020. I caught ear of this particular album during a commemoration livestream on Vapor Memory and it allured me enough to want to seek out and check it out back then. I thought it was a very good album at the time and to this day, I still think the same way, though it leans very much into greatness at a good handful of points. This was a super meditative take on the growing slushwave sound of the time along with some hypnagogic drift tunes and I think the results should not go overlooked by fans of those genres. Tracks like the opener 宇宙の誕生 as well as 脳の網 are absolutely gorgeous, while the track that hooked me in the first place, 宇宙との関係、is so captivatingly strange to me in a way that I can only adore and fascinate about. If you're already deep into vaporwave, I highly recommend this one.

7.5 / 10

Highlights: 宇宙の誕生、宇宙の盛り、宇宙との関係、宇宙の夢、脳の網、復活

SURFING – Emotion (2019)

Up next on the trans agenda is the third and most recent album by vapor & chillwave duo SURFING. Their 2012 debut is one of the most iconic works of the genre and rightfully so, because it perfectly blends original instrumentation & singing with dense, hazy and deeply nostalgic vaporwave samples. So I have no idea what brought in them the need to forgo that entirely, as 2018's Incubo was still sample-based but nowhere near as dreamy and this one fully submerges into the stylings of chillwave & indie rock with none of what made them so excellent before. That said, with that expectation in mind, while this is still their least good album, it was at least better than what I was anticipating after the first couple of tracks. Visions is the song everybody turns to and for good reason, because it does bring a newfound energy to the band, but my favourite moments were still where they leaned back into their dreamy & hazy sonic roots. It's still a good album and if you're a fan of dream pop, I'd give it a shot. Just don't expect anything particularly dense.

6.9 / 10

Highlights: Visions, Crazy, Hearts, Enough, Give You Up.

Chat Pile – Remove Your **** Please (2019)

I'm going to say it now, this is among the worst EP titles I have ever read. I know that this band was deadset on making intensely dark & grim stories through noise rock & sludge metal, but if it wasn't for me keeping an open mind, I would've steered clear of this record entirely even despite the loving reception this got back then and even now. Which is a complete shame because I ended up enjoying this one more than any other Chat Pile record so far, even God's Country (which warrants a relisten at this point). I even found my current favourite Chat Pile song through this record in the form of Davis, weirdly enough. The drums just sounded much better on this record than I had previously heard, sounding way less blurrier and more burrowing, though that might just be attributed to my headphones being replaced months ago. Couple that with the noise, the energy, the vocals and especially Davis's melodies and despite the horrible name, I'd recommend this one to fans of dreadful rock music. I still don't love them as a band, but this gives me hope that whatever they cook next, I might be able to start clicking with them.

7.2 / 10

Highlights: Mask, Davis

netbooks.WRLD – loosies '19-22 (2022)

Speaking of EPs, I don't know how many y'all heard this up-and-coming talent named netbooks.WRLD? Dude's pretty local in the online vaporwave & electronic music communities and his discography is about as fresh as the next lemon you will ever buy, but real talk? I think he's by far one of the most promising artists to pay attention to! I was initially a dumb stupid dumb skeptic back when his debut album ENDLESS STAIRCASE popped up in 2021, but upon the last couple of months, revisiting that album, tuning in to his brand new single, checking out his Skylive performance and now coming over to this EP of loose cuts, I have fully turned into a believer! The dude makes some downright excellent post-industrial plunderphonics and vaporwave tunes all over his catalogue and I think I found some of my favourite tracks he's ever made through this EP. Sure, they were mostly featured in other places and that's counting the bonus tracks, but god, I've been hooked to them completely in the 24 hours since hearing this. My only sticking points against it are the volume of the high frequencies being a little too harsh for my personal headphones, but I know that's by design considering his aesthetic. Other than that, holy shit, go check out ENDLESS STAIRCASE and this EP at your earliest convenience.

8.3 / 10

Highlights: pipes song, shook shook, RAGDOLLS

Vįr+üål Åįrßñß – ▚ ▛ ▜ ▟ ▞ (2021)

It's the second day and one of the best discoveries I've made last year was this random but completely ethereal-looking and unpronouncable album by a young Virtual AirBnB and I thought to relisten to it for the morning. Spoiler alert: This might just be one of my favourite vaporwave albums. This record is compact, but it is so gorgeous and stunning! It flawlessly blends together elements of mallsoft, new age music, I believe sophisti-pop R&B vocal samples and just overall aesthetics of beauty, nature and the future. Almost every single cut here is downright heavenly. Listening to them all from front to back is one of the most soothing, relaxing, beautiful and often transcendent experience I've personally had with the genre and it's so criminal how overlooked this album is so far. High recommendation to the absolute heavens. Just put your headphones on and let the rivers drift you away.

9.3 / 10

Highlights: ⿴ ༄ ℣ ₪ ℣ ༄ ⿴, ••• ❒︎ ❒︎ ᵒ ᴼ ᵒ ▫ 𐊔 ▫, | ⟗ ☱ ☲ ☳ ☵ ⟗ |

サイバー '98 – RENDERED FANTASY

Saiba '98 is an enigma to me. I don't think, even in the vaporwave scene, this short-lived alias got any of the credit it honestly deserves. The music's not excellent, but for a vaportrap artist, this guy managed to craft some of the unique, jarring and abstract material in this form. Upon relistening to DIGITAL FOREST for instance, I found it absolutely fascinating in how the tempos are sporadic and unformed, the beat instrumentaion is basic and minimal and the backing ambient atmospheres are ghostly and dark. This culminates into his last album under the project, RENDERED FANTASY, and while I can't tell you in good conscious that I love it or that it's completely great, this is honestly the best release of the few still publicly available. More than any other album I've heard from them, this album is glitchier, darker, more ominous, eerie and experimental than ever before. I almost completely admire the way he was seeing through his vision on this one. If you're curious, I can't guarentee you'll love it, but if you're a fan of vaportrap or experimental music, I'd give it a fair shake.

7.3 / 10

Highlights: b e n z a i t e n , Love Translator (self care), Hospital Flower, Kingdom_$lave, Life is a Constant Double Helix

crt paralysis – "Slideshow" (2022)

I'm about neck deep with vaporwave again these past couple of days, so next I threw on this project that got me very curious. Known for making some great vaporwave & DnB as dotnds, CRT Paralysis is a broken transmission side-project of theirs that I'm not fully enamoured with but still greatly appreciative of, especially with their Winter Paralysis series of albums. This "Slideshow" caught my eye though as it looked to center completely around the nostalgia of 2000s office computers and Windows 95 styled corporatism. However, not exactly in the way that I viewed it as a child, which is a little disappointing, but I still found this to be a very good time. The presentation was what drove this home to me the most, it's pretty off-kilter, even for Bandcamp standards. If you're curious for some late 2000s vaporwave nostalgia in a format that I could see INTERNET CLUB doing back in the day, I'd recommend this one.

7.0 / 10

Highlights: "Newlife" 2008/04/02, "Screenshot" 2006/08/17, "Evening" 2008/07/03, "Email" 2008/07/04, "Lounge2" 2008/07/09

RAWINTHEVOID – Alphalord (2018)

How do I go about this one? This was the third album from a then very young RAWINTHEVOID. RAW is a talent in post-vaporwave & plunderphonics that I've been looking forward to seeing his growth for a few good years now. His two latest albums MD (Manifest Destiny) and NOTINTHEMOOD are especially great and, even with some very rough patches, they still shine in comparison to his very, very humble beginnings. I've been going through his catalogue backwards and it's fascinating to see how rudimentary & borderline regressive their sample-based works were back in the day. Even on Alphalord, currently my least favourite of theirs (but only barely behind Double Couple), I still found a wealth of fascinating ideas for its alphabet-long tracklist. For example, I would've never thought that speeding up a whole ass noise rock album down to less than six minutes in a song would've sounded any good. To spoil you, it doesn't sound good, but I'm glad someone tried it anyways. I don't recommend this one. If you're curious, go through his latest albums and his live sets, but don't go digging through the back catalogue. Trust me.

4.4 / 10

Highlights: c3, m13, o15, q17

VHS Head – Persistence of Vision (2014)

To close off this post, I went with the sophomore album from one of the most "Dude, how come you've never heard of this guy" artists in the realm of electronic music. VHS Head is a producer of IDM & Glitch Hop beats that are constantly punchy, sporadic and memorable, all thanks to his incredibly persistent sampling of found VHS tapes. He's growing a cult following overtime but it's not exactly helped by his sparse release schedule. This album came out less than five years after his first and he only thought to put out a followup just a few months ago. I can't wait to try that out, but I would shoot myself in the foot if I didn't go for this album first and I'm very glad that I did. I guess when I heard it, I was a little unenthusiastic in a way? But only the way that still made me love this album in the end, like my thought process was "Of course this album is great." The beats are still punchy, the constantly shifting sample flips are more memorable this time around, I think it's even better and more consistent than his debut! Highly recommend this one, with no doubt.

7.9 / 10

Highlights: Enter the Devil, Don't Look in the Closet, Camera Eyes, Red Ocean Apocalypse, Dead to Morrow, Frozen, Body Magic, Angels Never Sleep

Finally, another episode in the books! You'll notice I'm committing to these a little less and less, but I'm honestly not sure if I can keep doing these daily. I'll keep 'em up for as long as I like, but I think it's time to finally admit that I might skip days proper. I'll find a way to still make them work though, because no doubt, every day, I find something new that I want to talk about. Maybe I could make it more of a highlights thing than an outright journel, but we'll see how that shapes up. Until then, I'll see you next time!

[farfromsugafanfic]

Dangerous | Chapter 10: Cherry Sours

Genre: Enemies to Lovers, Bad Boy!Jimin, Bartender!Reader College AU

Pairing: Jimin/Named Reader

Rating: M | Minors DNI

Chapter Warnings: smut, jealousy, piv sex

You knocked on the door of Jimin's apartment, a tote bag slung over your shoulder, and hair still clinging to your face from dance practice. Jimin should still have one more class to TA, which should give you enough time.

"Hey Inna," Jimin's roommate, Taehyung, said, opening the door, his phone in his other hand. While you'd never formally met Taehyung, he'd gone to a neighboring high school and occasionally showed up at football games and dances at yours. "So, what exactly do you need my room for?"

"Uh--" you said, your eyes shifting across the doorway as you entered through it. "It's kinda hard to explain. But, I just need it for tonight and I'll wash your sheets."

Taehyung narrowed his eyes. Although there was no malice, only curiosity and suspicion. You watched as he pocketed his phone. "I think whatever this idea is, it isn't a good one."

"Oh, it definitely isn't," you said, setting down your bag on the couch. "But, I can't let our relationship continue like this. I need to cut it off. Rip it off like a Band-Aid."

Taehyung's eyes softened. "You know he likes you, right?"

You played with the handle of the tote bag. "I know."

"Then, why are you doing this, Inna? I can tell you like him too."

Something about the melodic lilt of Taehyung's voice brought the tension in your shoulders to its fullest height. "Because he would eventually get bored with me. I might be different than I was back when we dated in high school, but not that much. I'm still that nerdy, boring girl who works too much."

A silence fell between you. Taehyung pulled out his phone again, checking the time. "I have to go to work. Just be wrapped up by midnight."

[][][]

Jimin came home around an hour later. You sat on Taehyung's bed scrolling through your phone. You'd thought that you had at least another twenty minutes, but the class must have ended early.

You grabbed the tote bag and ruffled around until you found the vibrator. Thankfully, it shouldn't be too loud, although you didn't really care if Jimin heard. That was, actually, the point.

Listening as he kicked off his shoes and the soft moans falling from his lips. You knew he was massaging his own shoulders and stretching out his legs just like you would whenever you came home from practice.

You remained fully clothed out of respect for Taehyung but were thankful that you chose to change into a skirt. Turning on the sex toy, you parted your legs. A moment of hesitation stalled your movements.

Would this affect Jimin's and Taehyung's friendship? Taehyung was the one you knew would hurt Jimin the most. His longest friend. The only one who didn't seek you out or play into your little game. Until now, at least.

Finally, you brought the vibrator to your clit, a moan leaving your lips before you could stifle it. You knew this wouldn't be enough to get your off and your mind remembered back to the practice room where you and Jimin kissed.

Your heard Jimin just outside in the short hallway that conjoined his and Taehyung's rooms. There was no way he couldn't hear your panted breaths and lustful whines.

Removing one hand from the toy, you reached down and fished out a small packet of lube. You kept in your palm, unsure if it would be necessary yet.

"Taehyung," you said, your voice clipped and full of desperate breaths of air. Exaggerating the moans was something you were used to, your ex-boyfriend had preferred when you were vocal, even though you generally weren't.

You felt Jimin's presence hovering outside the door, two small shadows beneath the door alerted you that he was closer than you thought.

"Fuck," you whispered, your back arching against the sheets and your hand beginning to lose grip. Your lips tried to form Taehyung's name again, but they could only remember the warm and almost shy feeling of Jimin's kiss.

As you approached orgasm, sweat forming at your collarbones, your moans became less controllable. Curses falling from your lips without warning. The worst one of all coming just as you did, "Jimin."

Your eyes closed for a moment and when you opened them, light flooded in from the hallway. Curling around the figure of the man whose name just fell from your lips as if you'd summoned a demon.

"I fucking knew it," he said, reaching between your legs to throw the vibrator aside before falling on top of you. His mouth smashed into yours, his hands coming to rest on each of your cheeks. "I heard everything"

His lips moved down to your neck, the same gentle fluttering as before. Everything moved in slow motion and you barely realized when both your hands met in Jimin's hair.

"No," he said. "On the phone. Taehyung called me while you were talking."

You stopped, your legs untangling from his and your fingers falling slack. "What?"

"Let's not ruin the moment," Jimin said, his voice deep and full of rasp. You didn't want to think about how he might be feeling, or how you felt. You just knew you wanted to feel his lips on you again. "Do you want me or not? Tell me, right now, Inna."

"Yes," you said. "Yes, I want you. Fuck, I hate that I do."

Jimin didn't waste time. He pushed your shirt up over your head. His lips trailing downward quicker and quicker.

"Jimin," you said. "We're in Taehyung's bed."

"And?" he said, his lips on the skin of your stomach as he looked up at you. "You already promised to wash his sheets."

You laughed, though it didn't ruin the mood. Your giggles made Jimin smile, his expression making all the blood rush downward again. He seemed to notice and your back arched as his hands finally dipped between your legs.

"Don't--don't stop, Jimin," you said, your voice already cracking. "Please."

"I won't, baby. Not this time, I promise." His voice was hushed, a promise to himself as much as to you. "You sure you want this? I don't want you to regr—"

You silenced him with your lips. You didn't care if you came to regret it. A part of you needed to do this, needed to know how it felt to have Jimin this way.

And then you realized. Fuck.

"Jimin," you said, pulling your lips away. He looked at you with dilated pupils and messy hair. It made you smile. "Do you want still want this? After everything?"

You'd purposely flirted with his friends, made out with them, tried to make him think you were having sex with his best friend. He deserved the first time you left him high and dry. But did he truly deserve these last few months of constant rejection?

"There's nothing you do that would make me not want you, Inna." Jimin reached up and interlocked on of his hands through yours as his lips reconnected.

When his tongue pushed its way past your lips, you heard the clink of Jimin unbuckling his belt. With a swift movement, he pulled it through his belt loops and off his jeans.

"You're so fucking slow," you said, giggling as your hand swept underneath the hem of his T-shirt and over the firm muscles. The thing you loved about Jimin's body is that he took good care of himself.

You remember back in high school during that month you dated how he would skip lunch. How you'd call him and he was at the gym, just as he had been two hours before. Now, it was obvious he had found a balance. One it was obvious had spilled over to the rest of his life.

Jimin laughed at your whining and threw off his shirt and pulling down his jeans in one go. Just in his underwear, he now looked to undress you. His hands wrapped around to unzip your skirt and pull it down.

You didn't waste any time, deciding to help him by discarding the rest of your undergarments. Reaching for him, your lips found one another's again.

You closed your eyes, relishing in the day sweet taste of Jimin's lips. Coffee with the familiar burn of whiskey as if it still lingered on his lips from that first night you saw him again.

Jimin's hips moved against your own as he lined up and pushed inside you. With a whine, you reached up to clutch into his shoulders.

"Fuck, Jimin," you said, every word punctured with a breath. Moans fell from your lips of their own accord.

"God, it's so nice to hear you finally moan my name," he said. "You don't know how many nights I've dreamt about this."

His hands came to rest on your hips and you felt his cock twitch inside you as his pace grew faster and tougher.

It had been a while since you'd had sex, so you were a little more sensitive than usual, writhing around on the sheets. Taehyung's sheets. The thought only riled you up more and your own pace grew to match Jimin's.

The two of you didn't last long. Years of pent up frustration and tension finally coming to a head. You relaxed, breathless against the bed as Jimin fell on top of you. He steadied himself with his elbows, careful not to put his full weight on you.

"I want to tell you so many things," he said, resting his head against your breastbone as he looked up you. "You're so strong." His lips fluttered over your skin. "Gorgeous." Another kiss. "An amazing dancer and I already know you're going to get into the program." Kiss.

He paused when his lips came away from your skin. His dark eyes swirled like freshly poured whiskey. You'd never seen him look more beautiful. Lips swollen, hair sticking up in different directions, none of his clothes in sight.

"And I think I've fallen for you, Inna." You knew these words were coming, but it still felt as if he had lifted you above his head during a performance and dropped on the hard stage floor.

He sensed your uneasiness. Jimin's fingers quickly coming to massage your hip. "I know you're not ready, Inna. And that's okay, I'll wait until you are. I want to give you a reason to trust me."

You looked at him. Looked through him like he was a microscope and you were trying to find the deadly bacteria hidden below him. But you found nothing. Only the boy who broke your heart five years ago, admitting that he liked you.

You should feel on top of the world. You should feel like walking on air. But you only felt like you had tricked him.

Jimin knew you well enough not to take your silence personally. He wrapped you in his arms and turned so that you were resting on his chest. You let yourself enjoy the warmth, trying to ignore the thoughts racing through your mind.

[][][]

"Finally," Taehyung said. "I'm glad to see you two lovebirds finally fucked. But I'm dead tired and would appreciate it if you got out of my bed."

You moved to get up, but felt Jimin's arm tighten around your waist. He pulled the sheet up as it had slipped down over your shoulder, almost exposing your breasts to Taehyung.

"You really sure you still want to sleep here?" Jimin asked. He was much more awake than you, a smirk crossing his face as you felt his foot brush against your leg.

Taehyung rolled his eyes. "I'm taking yours then."

The other man left the room and you felt Jimin shift beside you, nuzzling his nose against the back of your neck. You slow began to wiggle from his grasp and the sheets, standing up to find your discarded clothes.

"I really should be going," you said. Finding your clothes you began to redress, not able to look back at the man still lying in bed.

"Stay with me, Inna. Please."

"I need to feed Jackson," you said, your voice quiet, but matter of fact and unwavering. "I'll see you later."

Doubt over your decision swirled in your stomach. There was no doubt that you wanted nothing more than to stay in that bed, in Jimin's arms. But, he didn't deserve his love after everything you'd done.

You were just as bad as sixteen-year-old Jimin. Probably worse because you were a fully grown woman taking revenge on a man for something he did to you as a teenager. Maybe he deserved it the first time, but he certainly didn't deserve it the second, third, or fourth times.

Yet, he stilled loved you. He didn't need to say it for you to know. The way he looked at you was enough.

"Wait," Jimin said. He'd managed to put back on his jeans and was throwing on his T-shirt as he chased after you. "Let me take you home. It's late."

"No, it's okay, Jimin. I'll be fine." Before you let him object, you walked out of the apartment and down onto the street below.

[][][]

"Jackson!" You walked inside and dropped your keys and your purse on the coffee table. "Kitty, where are you?"

Normally, Jackson would come trodding out when you came home, or he was already asleep on the couch. Yet, this time, he was nowhere to be found.

You walked into the kitchen and grabbed a can of his food. Opening it, you continued to call. Your mouth went dry when the kitten still didn't come.

One last tactic to coax Jackson out had you reaching for his bag of treats. You shook them and called his name a few more times. You even tried calling him Mochi since he seemed to respond to that too whenever Jimin used the name.

Your legs carried you to the bedroom. The bathroom. The hall closet. No kitten to be found.

Panic rose in your body. Your breaths hampered and your eyes growing wide. It was then you remembered how you'd left the door open longer than usual when you left.

Jackson was gone.

Previous | Masterlist | Next

[allyouveeverknownbyrustedbread]

ddlcbrainrot well fuck :)

ooookay what to do... the eyes i saw probably belong to something that wants to kill me, and now that the lights are on it can probably see me clearly. so thats great. uhhhh i really have no idea how to get out of this... i could either wait near the water to see if anything happens or i could try to find my way back to the cathedral to gather myself a bit. but even if i go back to the cathedral id have to xome back out here eventually... so uhhh i guess I'll wait near the water for like 10 minutes and if nothing happens I'll start cautiously exploring the place

rustedbread

Biding your time by the water, you see the same eyes you saw last night, across the riverbed drinking from the river, they don't notice you watching so they seem bizarrely at peace, though their form seems human, their mannerisms in no way really make sense for one. it sees you watching it, looking at you frozen momentarily before scurrying away. You couldn't tell what it really was from first glances, most of it's skin was covered by bandages and clothes, it looked human, proportions off, legs too long, but it looked human. as it scurried away, it ran directly into a wall of meat and muscle, but when you look at where any sort of trace of it should be, there's a concrete door, not the door itself, but more of an archway, an opening. if you look into it you can see slight hints of artificial lights, though it's not pleasant, following whatever you saw could lead to your freedom, or at least, you won't have to walk on meat and flesh forever seeing as you don't have many options, you choose to find a way over to the area as you walk, you bring out the journal you found on the desk, there isn't much to do, so might as well read whatever you can from reading into it, the journal belongs to a former cultist of some kind, and due to the readable text, it does appear that what you saw back in the cathedral wasn't always what people were a thought crosses your mind, that those people could have been once like you, that they aren't born of blind worship broken men reciting the only things they remember as you read further into the passages and entries of the journal, the writing style changes, slowly, the articulated strokes of pen that it began with devolved into frantic scribbles in vague resemblance of words, nonsense and harsh lines, broken paper as the pressure from whoever once wielded the pen was writing harder than ever needed the final entry you read, words large and bold, near scraped into the pages, a final sendoff before whoever wrote this went to "merge" with the heart, you don't exactly know the logistics of that, but seemingly what it means is that the fanatic that wrote this devoted their selves to the heart so much that they offered themselves to it, which, if they're alive or not, remains to be seen. judging by the mental stability of whoever wrote this, it's clear to see that the writing of "GOD" all over the documentation of the Heart of Everything was their doing, and seeing as this was found in the same room that was covered in pageless books and broken bookshelves, they probably did that too. once you finish through the entirety of the journal, you store it away again, you don't want to bring out the fairly hefty texts you found on the altar, you don't have the time to multitask that hard, the journal you could hold in your hand, the texts you found were the size of a laptop and the thickness of a brick, it wouldn't make sense to walk with it so you choose to look around, mostly just the same muscle and tendon but looking to the sky, not fully illuminated, in the distance you see the heart as far as you can imagine but still all too close, close to the ceiling of this place, a ribcage attached to it, not as it was meant to, the ribs are dwarfed by the size of the heart, the rest of the skeleton looks, lizard like, quadrupedal from what you can tell it looks, draconic, in nature, and the posture of it doesn't make sense to you it seems as if the heart busted out of the skeleton and just brought it up with it you choose to ignore it, try to let it fester in your head, that's where it should belong you cross a shallow portion of the river, walking to the concrete doorframe left by the being that was watching you you hesitate though, resting your hand on the cold outlining of stone you don't have any options left though you persevere [instead of the usual input, I'd say to take this time to theory craft a bit, I want to see what you've got down so far :D] [[also it might just be the fact that I've been getting a small amount of sleep, but HOLY hell I'm tired]]

[makemeanangelpure]

April 1, 2024- 111.4

I did measurements today too. I’ll share a comparison of loss in a week.

Somehow I lost .2 in 5 days even though I was eating like hell. I fully expected to weigh in and see 116, but no. I can properly assume that came from me being more active at work the past week. 3 days a week. Constantly moving around 5-6 hours of the 7-8 hour shift is pretty good cardio, so technically I’m getting paid to do a 7-8 cardio workout. They don’t have me on truck, and probably won’t for a while and I need to get stronger so I can help load carpets without looking like a piss ant so tomorrow starts of floor workouts again. 7 minute stretches, One Chloe ting video and the rest of my 42 minute span dedicated to weights for my core, back and arms. That at least once a week. Next month we’ll get a gym membership so at least I can be getting treadmill time in AND since this month is going well I’ll walk into the gym already being thin at 96-91 pounds. I can run on the treadmill on and off and build my endurance without looking like an idiot or making the treadmill shake all crazy, hardly a sound as a pad along. I can do the leg machine and stuff with my partner after a few times of going.. nothing crazy.. and my June.. I’ll have some definition built up from my own efforts and home + the movement at work. It’s slight, but even now my tummy looks slightly better from pushing carts and fast walking myself around a giant ass store, so I have to keep that up. They haven’t seen me past 111.4 in a while. When I moved in I was 123.. when I saw them a year before I was 101-104… so they’ll see me smaller than that in a month. I’m so excited.

My hair was dyed purple last month and then it faded and has been brown. I haven’t liked it too much… I miss my blonde hair… which it hasn’t been in a few months. Thought I was going to wait for it to grow out, but it doesn’t seem like it’s going to fade much anymore… I won’t be able to wear my pigtails again until probably October ( 6 months wooo) but until then I at least want my hair color back so I feel like me. Gosh.. I assume I’ll hit 84 in end June or early July.. 4 months of maintenance of 84-90 is dire to me. It’ll be hard but I’ll figure it out. I’ll stay strong. I’ll stay committed. I’ll stay disciplined.

They’re laying on me asleep right now. I was reading but I wanted to type this stuff out. I hate how jealous I get when we watch movies… it’s something I’ve done in past relationships… just not been able to watch shows because I’m so self conscious that the girls on screen look so much better than me… sexier and more talented. He wanted to watch moulin rouge and I could have done it. We’ve watched movies like Roxanne and burlesque back when I was 10 pounds heavier, but sometimes if I get too much in my head I just can’t. They were talking about admiring the female form with that glisten in their eyes and while I knew they’re half ass joking I also know it’s a big part of why they’ve aged to watch it.. it’s about pretty girls performing… not to mention they’ve been to an actual showing where the girls were half naked and I had to watch them talk about that. I have to stop doing that and shutting shit down. I have to dive in and know, they might be entertained by what they are seeing, but I’m the main fucking event. I’ll have to do some Imagine about it or something where they can’t keep their eyes off me.

After we finish cuddling like this ( which I’ve really been enjoying the past few times we’ve done it) I’ll finish my cup of coffee. It’ll land me at 139 for the day.

I had dried strawberries and bananas with hibiscus hello kitty tea for dinner while the had a sandwich and soup, alongside banana pudding. I had a purple monster before they came home and two strawberries.

I threw up what I ate this morning when they left so it doesn’t count ( I’m not b/p anymore tho) a roll, vitamins, Oreos, Fritos, 5 eggs with cheese… revolting…

But I’m being a good girl now… it was merely symbolic.

The final purge if you will.

I’ve been really weak all day because of it.

But workouts tomorrow, organizing some music and camera roll, before I let myself color and music the rest of the time.

It’ll all be worth it. I just have to be so incredibly mindful these 30 days. Tracking weigh ins and measurements once a week will keep me accountable too. I just want progress, and I swear to god, I need to at least notice a difference soon when they go to pick me up and carry me around the house. I know they’ll refrain from saying I feel lighter if they can… as to not trigger me… but they’ve called me a pig in the past without thinking about it until after and rushing to apologize so why shouldn’t a word of surprise slip out once I deserve it too?

I WAS a pig, eating at night all drunk and stupid, on absurd auto pilot when they left the house, but not anymore.

The goal really is to hear it off their lips.

For my old friend to see me and say it.

For my group chat friends to not be able to utter another word at first when they see me again.

For my dad to ask if I’ve been eating alright.

For my hair dresser to ask me if I’ve been alright or say I look tired again.

I need to see the shock in their eyes.

I need to feel the way they grab and hold me, pick me up and marvel at me.

When I give my old partner his stuff I found, I need him to worry about me and ask how much I weigh now.

I need to see a reaction to my progress.

I need to make that kind of progress.

I will.

🤍🩵🪽

[24kitty-doodles]

10 Projects

I am a few weeks in grad school pursuing an MFA and a common question that has been presented to me (starting with the application process) are what are other works of art that inspire me or are my favorites. It begs the question "What do you I really like??" It's something that I haven't really put a lot of thought on until recently since it has come up so often now.

It's forced me to put more thought into that question and formally pick things out, categorize it, and log it into my brain so I can more properly draw from these inspirations later. As a part of that process, I'm starting with these 10 "projects" that have inspired me in some ways in the past. The term project is used loosely and varies from things I've seen, played, or other artists, but let's start the list!

the 2D animated movie Klaus

To give more context as to how much the movie amazed me, I have to talk about past sentiments while I was completing my BFA in animation. When I was an undergrad, 2D animation was pretty much written off as a dying and antiquated art. Disney had officially closed the last of their 2D animation studios not long before I started my BFA, reasoning that there is much more time and work involved in hand drawn animation in comparison to 3D animation. I feel a lot of people treated that as nail to 2D's coffin, which saddened me to say the least. I wasn't really able to pursue it as a result. Only classes being offered at the time was cell animation during my undergrad, and I focused more on 3D as a result.

But this movie really changed how I felt about the legitimacy of 2D animation. The fact that the studio was able to make their own software, creating new technologies for the art which really amazed me. Makes me feel that it is only a matter of time before the technology for 2D catches up to what 3D has to offer. It definitely rekindled my desire to learn the art and I'm looking to do just that during my MFA.

2. the animated film It's Such a Beautiful Day

I just really love this film. The style of the animation can be considered child-like or unrefined with its use of hand-drawn stick figures, but it works so perfectly with the story it presents. I can't imagine it being done in any other way. I think it helps me to put things in perspective that, you don't need to approach a project with a mainstream mindset that one might consider to be current or proper. If it works, it works; focus on that.

Also please go watch this film because it's great!

Watch IT'S SUCH A BEAUTIFUL DAY Online | Vimeo On Demand on Vimeo

3.-5. animated cartoons like Adventure Time, Courage the Cowardly Dog, Steven Universe, and many others!

I probably wouldn't be sane today if it wasn't for animated cartoons. It brings about the purest forms of joy through nonsense and tomfoolery, while still delivering complex storylines, fully built universes, and deep messages. Afterall, you can't be super serious all the time. Trust your gut, be yourself and be silly!

6.-10. GAMES! Just all the games! But some of my favorites are Darkest Dungeon, The Binding of Isaac series, The Legend of Zelda series, Labyrinth of Refrain: Coven of Dusk, and Hades

My love for games is similar to my love for cartoons, except you get to be the character! Experience the grand world and storylines through that character or create your own stories, characters and worlds. Nothing inspires me to create my own characters and worlds as much as games do, especially games that give you the freedom and control to add and create your own sort of story to the overarching story provided by the game.

I tend to have an affinity for dungeon-crawlers, rogue-likes, and RPGs. Something about slowly progressing through the story through an endless cycle of trial and tribulations, of death and rebirth. You are slowly learning and growing along with story, making it feel that much more rewarding when you do succeed and progress. The progression from starting off weak and becoming stronger through both mistakes and triumphs, appeals to me personally, makes it feel more immersive and that no matter what, you just have to keep trying and you'll eventually get there.

If that's not inspiring idk what is ¯\_(´・ω・｀)_/¯

[no-reply95]

Get Back: Part 1 - Stand Out Moments

The moment where Michael Lindsay-Hogg (MLH) tells John that he and Paul aren't getting on as well as they used to and John acknowledges that he's going through this mess so they can make their relationship better again *heart breaks*

When Dennis O'Dell tells John that Paul predicted exactly what his thoughts on the staging would be and John replies "Did he?" in the most preciously hopeful voice ever - RIP me

MLH (correctly) confirming that Ringo is so good at heart and Linda seconding this by stating that she's most comfortable around "Ring"

Paul and Mal writing The Long and Winding Road together - McCartney/Evans is the songwriting partnership we could've had but Lennon/McCartney is what we deserve

The banter between John and Paul at the end of She Came In Through The Bathroom Window - Hi Tuesday!

Paul and Linda being extremely cute right in John's eyeline

John creepily mouthing the lyrics to Let It Be

Yoko and Linda bonding over how dumb John and Paul are

Paul McSassney giving Dick James lip

George leaving the band with the same amount of gravitas as someone popping out to get a bottle of milk from the local corner shop

Yoko triumphantly jamming with the band while they channel their inner death metal alter-egos

Yoko screaming "John" while Paul insistently played Martha My Dear in the background - happy thoughts, happy thoughts!

Paul tentatively invading Ringo's personal space, Ringo embracing Paul's invasion and John completing the ménage a trois... while Yoko hung close by awkwardly

[mimzy-writing-online]

Writing Toph Beifong, Advice from a Blind Writer

I’m Mimzy, an actual visually impaired writer and blogger who talks a lot about writing blind characters accurately and sensitively. A while back someone sent me an anon asking how to write Toph more accurately and sensitively.

Anonymous asked: Hi there! Your blog has been super-helpful already - I thought I knew a bit about writing with blind characters, but it turns out there was a lot to learn - but this is more specific. I'm writing a The Last Airbender fanfiction, and one of the characters is Toph. I think the fandom has done a fairly good job of respecting her blindness, but what are some things you'd like to see when people write her? I want to represent the character as best as possible; thanks in advance!

It’s taken a while for me to answer because I have a lot of thoughts about it as both a blind writer and someone who has read a lot of atla fanfiction. So here we go:

Before we get started, I want to mention some things: 

One: I have an entire series for writing blind characters that continues to grow with time and the most up-to-date version can be found pinned as the top post on my blog. There will be a time-stamp for when the post was last edited and a long series of links to all relevant posts on the subject.

Here’s a quick link to that post, but again, all you have to do is click my blog url and you’ll find it immediately.

Two: I’ve noticed something amazing about the atla fandom and I would like to thank you for it. I’ve noticed a lot of bloggers have taken to writing image descriptions for both the fanart and memes you post in the fandom, whether it’s OP including the description or another blogger adding it themselves. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a fandom so consistently doing this and that’s incredible. Realizing how many different blogs were picking up this habit has warmed my heart.

I’d like to see writers use her other senses. There’s soooo so much more to her O&M (Orientation and Mobility) than earth sense. 

Beyond sight and earth bending, there’s hearing, touch, smell, taste, sense of direction, hot vs cold, sense of pain, sense of where your body parts are in relation to the rest of you, sense of internal well-being, etc. Before Toph had mastery of her earth bending, she had to have mastery of those too.

Toph also must have very strong opinions about certain smells, sounds, tastes, and textures. Toph is opinionated about everything, and when so much of your understanding of the world depends on senses that most people are ignoring in favor of some other sense you don’t have, it gets frustrating. I’m sure that tree looks pretty but the smell is terrible. Who cares if this fabric looks pretty, it’s scratchy, do. not. like. at. all.

But also in positive ways too. Oh, that flower arrangement looks bland and monochromatic? Who cares, it smells sweet and honey-like. Weird dark cavern with high ceiling and no light? The harmonics are awesome.

Every character probably has a certain sight or image they’re particularly fond of: Katara watching snow fall, or Aang enjoying how small the world looks from up on Appa, or Zuko enjoying the sunrise every morning during meditation. In that line, Toph must have some things personal to her that she enjoys.

I imagine she likes the taste of foods familiar to her childhood, the smell of whatever flowers grew around her home, and the texture of certain kinds of dirt Example: loose dirt probably isn’t the best for seeing, but I think she would enjoy how it feels to run her fingers through it or maybe enjoy the way it softens her perception of the world the same way sighted people like to see colorful, bright lights reflecting off puddles in the middle of rain.

If you struggle with this, that’s okay. I recommend taking some time to think about it for yourself, to find what tastes and smells and textures and sounds you enjoy the most, what makes you feel safe and at home, what brings you comfort, and relate that back to Toph.

In a Modern AU, I want to see Toph have a cane. Even in a Modern AU with bending included in the world building, I think Toph would benefit from having a cane.

The cane has a lot more function than bumping into things. A big part is that it signals to others that you are very obviously blind. Which is a big deal because sighted people are really, really bad at spotting the blind person.

(psst, please stop saying ‘the blank look in her eyes’ because I swear to god it’s been killing me inside for years.)

Also, even in an AU with bending, I think Toph would like the advantage of tapping her cane to create a stronger, more distinct vibration than a small shifting of her weight on her feet. It would have more control.

You could give Toph a guide animal, buuuuuuut, um, Toph is not a guide dog person. Like, there are some people who definitely prefer a guide dog, and some people who definitely prefer a cane, and some who definitely prefer no mobility device at all. Toph does not have the vibes of someone who wants to be both responsible and reliant on an animal when she’s so insistent that she can take care of herself on her own. Toph likes animals, but not that much.

Although, yeah, only 10% of the blind community use mobility devices, so cane and guide dog users are the minority of the blind community, but I stand by the vibe that Toph would love the independence of a cane. Also, it’s almost never ever done. Modern AUs never seem to touch much on Toph’s O&M skills with canes or guide dogs.

I wrote a whole post on everything you need to know about canes, what orientation and mobility is, how you learn O&M, what kind of canes exist, how to use them, how to describe the sensory input a cane gives you, and everything I know about guide dogs from past research.

Honestly, you could give Toph (or any blind character) a cane in any AU, because I fully stand by the theory that canes are a piece of technology that has been invented, lost, and reinvented again and again.

I wrote “I found a piece of lost blindness history” a few months ago after a visit to see my grandparents. My grandmother told me how her blind aunt found a way to write letters by hand to send to my grandmother when she was a child. I speculated on how the long cane has probably been invented and then lost and then reinvented over and over again in history, as well as giving a little history on the growing popularity of guide dogs in the 20th century following World War 1.

About the “blank look in her eyes,” I have a theory to the exact cause and nature of Toph’s blindness.

I know it’s common to think that the milky green color of her eyes is why she’s blind, though I’m not sure how many realize that milky green color is caused by severe cataracts. At least, cataracts is what I assume to be the reason for the color of her eyes. However, people with cataracts still have some remaining sense of light and shadow perception.

Only 9% of the blind community is completely blind, seeing absolutely nothing. The rest have some remaining vision, even if that’s only light and shadow perception or the perception of vague movement.

The percentage of people born completely blind is even smaller.

Toph says that she’s never been able to see, which would lead me to guess that the initial cause of her blindness was a defect with the visual processing part of her brain. I also theorize that the cataracts developed slowly over her very formative years and that she likely wasn’t born with them. For that reason, I think it would have taken a few weeks or months for her parents to realize there was something wrong with her eyes.

Here is a post about the developmental years of blind children and how their life would differ from both sighted children and from someone who went blind as an adult.

What is it like to see nothing?

It’s a concept that sighted people struggle with and I completely understand. I myself didn’t understand the concept of “nothing” until someone explained it as this:

“Imagine trying to see out the back of your head.”

Which, genuinely, imagine that. Try that. Because here’s what I found. There’s no part of my body that can help perceive that. I don’t have eyes there, nor do I have a part of my brain that can process that. Because of this, there is no sense of light or dark, no shape or shadow or movement or depth that I can perceive. There is nothing.

And honestly, it gives me a headache trying to think too much about it.

Toph doesn’t see black, doesn’t have a mental image of it. When people talk about light and dark, Toph has nothing to base the concept on. The closest relation she has to that is silence versus sound, or her earth sense when she’s in the air on Appa versus when she’s on solid ground. But it’s not the same.

I would like to examine the way the show tried to describe Toph’s earth sense, that black void with ripples of white stretching from her feet and outwards. Television is a visual medium so of course their explanation of Toph’s earth sense would be visual, but that’s not what it’s actually like in her head. More accurately, it’s like touching the back of your head to something and feeling what’s solid behind it and what has more give. A wall versus a pillow for example. Slamming your hand on a flimsy table and feeling it rattle under your palm. And for someone so adept at using that sense, she feels not just the table surface under her palm, but the individual rattles down the four legs, how uneven those rattles are because the legs are carved decoratively instead of solid planks, and how the foot of each leg bumps against the ground, and how the floor vibrates in response to the impact, which she feels in both her feet and hand. 

About Toph’s Relationship with Her Parents

It’s not something I see touched on much. There’s been a lot of focus on Zuko and Azula’s relationship with their parents and the abuse, as well as exploration of Sokka and Katara’s trauma with losing their mother, and Sokka looking up to his warrior father while Katara struggles with her abandonment issues.

Please don’t take this as a critique, because there are a few valid reasons for this and I would like to give you some insight on how to explore Toph’s relationship with her parents.

For starters, the show had a lot more reason to focus on Zuko and Azula’s parents, with Fire Lord Ozai being the primary villain and Zuko’s greatest abuser, and Azula’s dependent worship of her father in response to Ursa’s neglect and favoritism of Zuko, which was likely Ursa’s response to Ozai’s favoritism of Azula. Their parents are huge driving motivators for why Zuko and Azula make the decisions and mistakes they do, why they are at one point in the show the villains themselves. (And why I think Azula should get a redemption arc and some healing.)

Katara’s trauma of losing her mother and blaming herself is a huge factor in both her response to the war, her relationship with her bending, and her motherly nature with her friends. The show has to explore that. Just as it has to explore Sokka’s problems with toxic masculinity in response to being the man of his village, and his desire to be a great warrior and leader like the father he idolizes. 

The show needs to explore that to make the plot move forward, and it benefits from these being two sibling sets with different responses to their upbringing and different sibling dynamics, setting them up as foils for each other.

The show also wouldn’t benefit by giving Lao and Poppy Beifong more screen time. Their established character were two nobles who kept as far out of the war as possible and prospered monetarily for it. Poppy was polite and demure and Lao liked to lead the conversation. Unless the gAang decided to return to Toph’s home, those characters had no reason to pop up anywhere in the show. And if they did, they would be a hinder to Toph and her part in the plot as both Aang’s earth bending teacher and as the greatest earth bender in the world, tossing Fire Nation soldiers eight ways to Sunday. 

So truly, I understand that there’s not a whole lot of canon material (comparatively) to go off of when developing this, but I will offer some insight on what is there in canon.

Toph’s relationship with her parents is explored in that it maps out why Toph doesn’t want to be mothered by Katara, why she wants to prove how independent she is, but there’s very little on screen interaction between Toph and her parents.

Toph deeply loves her parents. I think that plays into why she doesn’t want Katara mothering her, because she has a wonderful mother at home who she loves and wants to better understand her, but she had no friends growing up and no older sister, which are the roles she needs and wants Katara to fill. If Toph wanted a mother figure, she would have latched onto Katara. Look at how Zuko never sought out another mother figure but did find a father figure in Iroh as he began to heal from his childhood trauma and separate his self image from his father’s acceptance.

Toph is in a complicated situation, she loves her parents but the way they’re raising her is hurting her in the long run. But Toph can see that their actions are because of their immense love for her. She can see how they would do anything for her. While she never had any examples of how other noble children were treated by their parents, who might have been distant or disinterested or always away for their social and work lives, she was remarkably loved by her parents. Her father put careful thought into her tutors and checked in on her progress. Her mother feared for Toph’s emotional state when she was kidnapped (even if she was incorrect about how Toph would respond), showing genuine empathy for her daughter.

I think their over protective nature became the love language Toph best understood them by, and part of her reasoning for not revealing how capable she was, was because she wanted to keep experiencing that love and care for as long as she could. But it’s not a love language she would put up with from anyone else.

I would like to point out Toph’s genuine excitement to see her mom again in the season finale of Book Two, how badly Toph wants her mom to understand and accept her for who she is.

My thoughts on what Toph can’t do: read, swim, see in the sand, fight things mid-air.

For how incredibly powerful the show makes Toph with her earth bending and the O&M she taught herself through it, they do touch on some of her weaknesses when they come up and find a useful way to showcase them.

The Serpent’s Pass was an excellent example of Toph’s vulnerability in water. From her fear of not being able to see on Katara’s ice bridge to not being able to swim and needing Suki to save her, Toph’s weaknesses putting her in danger added to the excitement and “sitting on the edge of your seat” feeling while watching the episode without turning her into someone who was helpless. She was just in a position where her normal defenses were useless.

Just like the earth benders in the metal prison in the ocean, or Katara having little water in the middle of a desert where her friends needed that water to survive more than she needed it to fight, making her vulnerable later in the show when the insect-wasp things attacked. Just like fire benders being weaker at night, or powerless during a solar eclipse, or a sighted person being lost in the dark. Those were just situations in which the tools you were accustomed to relying on could no longer help you or were taken away.

The show was clever in that it didn’t make her inability to read a direct threat to her safety, but rather as a clever plot device for her to be alone when the sand banders attacked and have to choose between fighting them to save Appa, or holding back an entire fricking building by the tiniest spire on its very top from falling into a void leading to the spirit world. It also showed her weakness to not being able to see or fight as well in sand. Which the show later made an effort to show how she’d improved on that problem in Book Three when she was surrounded by nothing but sand at Ember Island.

Like improving her ability to see in the sand, I would like to see a character teach Toph to swim, or at least float, so that she never feels helpless again. If she took the initiative to improve her sand bending so much, I’m sure she would have learn to swim eventually.

And on the note of reading, I’ve seen some speculation on how Toph could learn to read, whether it’s through using ink that has some percentage of earth mixed in, or developing the sensitivity to feel out the different weight, consistency, and texture of ink on paper. 

I would like to bring your attention to Louis Braille, the blind Frenchman who invented Braille while studying at  the Institut National des Jeunes Aveugles, the world’s very first school for the blind in Paris France (established 1785). Previously Louis was learning to read through a method in which each letter was pressed into the paper to leave an imprint that someone could feel out with just their fingers.

Louis Braille concluded that raised lettering was impractical because-

1.       It is difficult to read, the letters had to be printed in huge font to be fully felt out and printed on thick paper.

2.       Thick paper means higher quality, more expensive. Larger font means more paper is needed for a single text.

3.       This made it inaccessible due to expense and the sheer volume of a text.

4.       If today’s Braille books are hard to access and giant compared to traditional books, I can’t imagine how inaccessible those raised letter books really were.

The subject of Braille, the start and controversial near downfall to  Institut National des Jeunes Aveugles were discussed in a post about writing a blind character during the Victorian Era.

I’ve heard others complain in the past about fantasy universes in which a sighted person invents a solution to allow the blind to read, when the most effective and longest lived method was invented by a blindman over two hundred years ago and is the standard taught in schools today.

And while I couldn’t easily explain it or how it works because I can neither read Braille nor speak Chinese, I can tell you that Chinese Braille exists and works only slightly differently from the Braille western languages use. So, again, modern AUs especially would benefit from enabling Toph to read Braille and use a computer and phone with screen reader.

But just as easily you could choose not to have her learn to read but rather have sighted people read things aloud to her. Whether it’s in a professional setting as an adult having an assistant who reads and writes for her, or as a cute, fluffy little moment between Toph and another character. Both are just as genuine to the blindness experience.

Blind Jokes

If you ever get around to reading my post about blind jokes, I’d like you to remember that it’s primarily written for people writing original characters and that Toph canonically makes blind jokes, so to take away from that would not be true to her character.

Does Toph’s Earth Sense Negate her Blindness?

It’s a question I’ve seen raised before and discussed by both abled, disabled, and blind people. There are multiple perspectives on it, but my own take on it is that Toph’s earth bending does not negate her blindness, but rather functions very much like the process of learning to use a cane.

She had a tool, a teacher, and she learned to use that tool. Instead of a cane, it was seismic perception and her teacher were blind badger-moles. She spent years learning to earth bend as they do and then continued to take it to new heights as she explored fighting with it on her terms against sighted fighters.

Come to think about it, I would love to see Toph teach another visually impaired or blind earth bender who to see and bend as she does.

Is Toph Good Blindness Representation?

This question was posed to me in the comments of my master post, and my answer was something like this: “Toph is good representation, but she can't be the only type of representation we get. She's the best we had 15 years ago, but there are a million ways to nuance the blindness experiences. Toph's experience being born blind, having very over protective parents, being a small girl in a patriarical and wealth influenced society, having no friends growing up. Those are all great aspects of blindness to show, but there is so much more to explore. As for her blindness and whether or not that's negated, that's also nuanced. She has limits, she's not all-powerful, but she is the best earth bender hands down. More or less, I love Toph, she's a great character, give me like a million more blind characters who are completely different from her.”

I want to see accurate and well-written blind characters become much more common in modern media, and that’s why I started this blog. So if you decide you want to write your own blind character from scratch, feel free to come back and look at some of my other stuff.

End Notes:

I want to thank the anon who sent the original question because it never occurred to me how much the atla fandom would benefit from a post like this. 

You should follow my blog. Along with advice about writing blind characters, I write general writing advice and answer questions about writing, college, plot development, character analysis, and living with blindness. I curate writing advice from fellow writeblrs, write my own image descriptions for writing memes, post about mental health and working/living with ADHD, disabilities outside of blindness, and LGBTQA+ topics. 

[mypoisonedvine]

artificial scarcity || (soft)dark!Jake Jensen x reader

summary: you'll realize how good he can treat you, how badly you need him, one way or another. you just need a little encouragement, that's all.

word count: 4k, somehow...

warnings: smut! (dubcon; she is fully consenting but under dubious circumstances), drugging (technically), kidnapping, imprisonment, starvation, touch-starved reader, bed sharing, grinding/thigh fucking, size kink, spanking, implied stalking/voyeurism, implied noncon (kinda?), jake being possessive and manipulative and creepy

a/n: this was supposed to be a drabble which is why the pacing might feel a little rushed in the beginning but I hope you guys don’t mind!

Jake was normally a relatively patient guy, especially with you since he had an obvious soft spot for the newest member of the team.  But after months of trying to get your attention, of his abysmal flirting not getting him anywhere, of you becoming more and more comfortable with the idea of him as a friend and nothing else, his patience was running thin.

He was tired of waiting for the perfect opportunity to rescue you and show you that he was the perfect guy for you.  He was tired of waiting for you to figure out that he could be everything you needed if you just let him.  So, he figured he needed to manufacture a chance to save you; he needed to take away some things just to bring them back, show you what it was like to let him take care of you.

Getting close to you was easy, you were teammates and friends so you trusted him.  The tricky thing was he didn't want you to know it was him, so he used your trust to lure you right into his trap.

Movie night tonight? There’s some cheesy slasher playing at the drive in at 1930, he texted you as soon as he could to the showtime to decrease the odds of you having any time to tell anyone about your plans to meet up with him; he’d rather not have the heat of being the last person to see you before your disappearance.

yeah sure!  are you driving? you replied almost instantly.

Yep, I’ll pick you up at S Lamar and Hanover in 10, he informed you, knowing it was close to your apartment but far away from any security cameras or likely witnesses.

He parked a block away and walked around the corner to see you standing there under the flickering streetlight looking at your phone.  You were waiting for him, and as he hid behind cover to come closer, you were clearly looking around for where he might be.  Thankfully, you didn't see him or his tranq gun, and he got your neck on the first shot.

He ran to catch you before you fell, relishing the weight of your body limp and pliant in his arms.  Somehow, he resisted the urge to play with you now, knowing it would be worth the wait to let his whole plan come to fruition.

//

The room he locked you in was dark and damp, barely any light but enough to see the half-full water bottle he left for you; your chain was short but you could reach everything you needed.  It broke his heart to hear your cries but he had to ignore them, if he came in now it wouldn't make sense.  He needed to be patient.

When the video feed from his camera inside showed that you'd fallen asleep for the night, he snuck in to bring you a new water bottle and a little granola bar since you'd screamed all day about being hungry.  You seem surprised when you woke up and saw it, quickly grabbing the bar but taking a long time to examine and smell it first before eating, like you were afraid it was poisoned.  But you ate, and drank your water, and waited for rescue.

Day 3 was the hardest to watch.  You tugged at your chain so much that he worried you'd hurt yourself.  He decided tomorrow was the last day because he couldn't take any more of this.

On the fourth day, he waited until you started to cry yourself to sleep before shutting down his equipment and finally coming to the door; he took a deep breath, preparing himself, before dramatically kicking it down and gasping when he saw you.  He called your name into the dark and you barely had the energy to open your eyes, poor thing.

"Oh my god, are you okay?" he yelped, dashing over to where you were chained and picking at the lock.  "I'm gonna get you out, don't worry, you're safe now."

"Jensen...?" you mumbled sleepily, making him smile and stroke your face a little.  

"Yeah, I'm right here."

//

He carried you to his car and drove you home-- not your old home, your new one which also happened to be his apartment.

"I think it's time to wake up, I'm guessing you wanna take a shower," he cooed at your sleeping form, watching you stir in his arms before finally blinking your eyes open and looking up at him.

"Oh," you whispered.  "Did I fall asleep?"

"Yes," he laughed, "you've been out the whole ride here."

"Oh…” you repeated, “and where are we?"

"My apartment.  I didn't want to leave you alone right now."

You nodded, seemingly in agreement.  "You can put me down now."

He reluctantly did as you'd asked, watching you carefully put weight back on your legs.

"Woah!" he chuckled when you wobbled a bit, reaching out to catch you, but you recovered.

"Thank you," you whispered, and he smiled at you.

"Just wish I'd found you sooner.”

"Um, you said I can take a shower?"

"Yeah, down that hall, first door on the right.  I'll bring you some clothes,” he explained, and you smiled weakly before navigating your way to the bathroom.

//

You looked so good in his clothes that his heart skipped a beat when he saw you step out into the living room.  The t-shirt that was almost too tight on him was baggy on you, reminding him of how delicate you were in so many ways, how much bigger he was than you.

It reminded him that if he really wanted to, he could force himself on you and you'd be helpless to stop him.  But that wasn't what he wanted.  It was going to be so much better this way.

"Wanna go to bed now?  I'll take the couch," he offered.

"N-no," you stammered, and he gave you a quizzical look.  "I don't… I don't want you that far away."

"Okay, I could sleep on the floor," he bargained instead, "in my room, with you."

"No," you sighed again, "then I won't be able to see you."

"I'll be right there," he reminded you.

"It's a king, right?  You can share with me."

"Are you sure?" he pressed.  "I wouldn't want to make you uncomfortable."

"No, please, this is the only way I'll be comfortable."

"Okay," he smiled, guiding you to the bedroom.  He let you watch him take off his shirt and smirked a little when he saw you ogling.

"I usually just sleep in boxers," he admitted nervously.  "I'll put on some pajama pants at least."

"It's fine, really," you smiled.  "I don't wanna be any more of a burden than I already am."

"You're not a burden."

"And I'm not gonna wear pants to bed anyways," you shrugged.

"O-oh."

But he hadn't given you a new pair of panties to wear because he didn't have any to give you.  Which meant that if you took off the sweats he'd given you, that'd leave you in his shirt and nothing else.

He tried not to let that thought go straight to his cock as he unbuttoned and pushed down his pants, seeing you conflicted on where to look, before getting in bed.  You did the same, taking the sweats off once you were under the covers and tossing them out from under the blanket.

"Goodnight," he smiled as he turned off the lamp, hearing you whisper it back before starting to shift around and get comfortable.

He didn't have to wait nearly as long as he had expected to hear you meekly whisper, "Jensen?"

"Yeah, is everything alright?" he asked, voice full of concern.

"I… I don't want to ask you for anything else…" you sighed.

"No, hey, it's okay," he assured, "ask for anything."

"Would you, um, would you hold me?" 

He cleared his throat a little.  "If you need me to."

"Please, it's the only way I'll be able to sleep."

He sighed a little but relented, coming over to your side of the bed and spooning you, gingerly laying one arm over you and trying to avoid touching you anywhere too personal.

"Thank you," you sighed sleepily.

"Whatever you need,” he assured.

"Jake, why are you doing all this for me?" you asked quietly, turning back a little to look at him.

"You're my teammate, nobody gets left behind,” he explained.  “Besides, this is all my fault anyways.  You were waiting for me when they got you."

"No, Jake, don't say that.  It's not your fault."

"Alright, but it's not yours either.  You didn't deserve that."

“You’re right, but I don’t deserve this either,” you mumbled.

“Yes, you do.”

You shifted slightly against him, humming contentedly, and he groaned.

"I think maybe we should stop," he hissed, pulling away— but you stopped him by grabbing his arm.

"No, wait," you whimpered.  "Why?  What’s wrong?"

"I, uh, I guess I'm just experiencing some of the consequences of laying in bed with a beautiful woman…"

"Huh?"

"The, um, the biological consequences."

"I— oh,” you whispered.

"Yeahhh...” he trailed off awkwardly.

"No, hey, it's okay.  I don't mind, I mean, you can't help it,” you shrugged.

"Sorry, I'm not normally this easily amused but it's been a while, so…"

"I understand," you assured, "really, it's okay… just don't go."

He just barely heard your gasp as he pressed himself against you, his shaft cradled perfectly between each soft globe of your ass.  "Is this okay?" he asked quietly.

"Y-yeah," you answered, making him suppress a laugh since it was obvious you were noticing his size.  He would bet a grand at least that you were getting wet right now, if he had anyone to bet against.

Your back arched a little, pushing your ass into him with more force, and you actually started to rock your hips ever so slightly.

"Stop moving," he hissed through his teeth.  

"I'm not…" you denied weakly.

"Yes you are, you're… rubbing yourself on me."

"I'm sorry, it just feels good,” you admitted sleepily, surprising him with your forwardness.  “You like it too, right?"

"Yes, but I feel like I'm taking advantage of you,” he admitted worriedly.

"You're not,” you promised, “you did so much for me— you saved me— and I want to help you, too.  You said it's been a while since you were with anybody, I could help you out… you know, you could rub up against me until you…"

He groaned a little but leaned in closer until his lips were right against your ear.  "Are you sure?  Don't do me any favors, you don't owe me anything."

"I want you to," you assured, making him smile and nod a bit, taking a moment to enjoy a deep breath as he prepared himself.

Carefully, he began to rock his hips forward, rubbing his cock on you through his boxers.  Even with a layer of cotton in the way he could feel your warmth, he could imagine how smooth your skin was.  If you hadn't been able to make out the shape of him before, you certainly could now— the ridge of his head was probably digging into you, and on particularly long thrusts he could feel your ass against his balls (which, inversely, meant you could feel his balls against your ass).

He held your hips as he picked up his pace a bit, grinding into you and breathing heavily in your ear.  You gasped and tried to hide a moan by biting your lip but he heard it.  It was even more obvious when he whispered your name to you, heavy with desire, and rubbed your spine with his finger.  Your back arched even further, inviting him to push harder against you until he felt the slightest wet patch forming on his boxers— not from him, from you.  It made his cock throb and his breath catch in his throat.

Overcome with need, he pushed his boxers down quickly before getting back to it, both of you moaning at the feeling of his skin on yours.  He was so close to your pussy he could hardly stand it, and he knew you must be dripping right now, desperate to be filled.  He could probably slip right in and you wouldn't even stop him, but that wasn't what he needed from you right now.  You needed to ask him for it.  He knew you wanted it, but he needed you to know you wanted it.

A drop of precum formed at his slit, smearing onto your skin and easing his way further.  

"I want you to feel good, too," he whispered.  "I don't just want to use you."

He pushed his cock down and slipped it between your thighs instead, sliding right against your wet, silky folds.  You whined beautifully as he thrusted forward, your thighs clenching (and therefore gripping him even tighter) when his cock slid right over your clit.

Your wetness was plentiful enough to drench him just from this, so he already knew the answer but he still asked, "does it feel good?"

"Yes," you sighed.  "Yes, it's good…"

He knew he could make you come like this, and he knew exactly how to, but that wouldn't get him what he wanted.  Instead he only gave you enough to keep you on the edge, moving too slow to really let you finish.  You even tried to move faster but his grip on your hips was too tight, keeping you still so he could savor his own pace and keep you desperate.

"Fuck me," you moaned.  

"I don't have a condom," he whispered nervously.

"I don't care, just please…"

That was all the encouragement he needed, pulling back enough to guide his head to your entrance before sliding right in.  Your wet, hot walls stretched open to accept him, struggling against his girth but eventually giving way.

Your hand shot back to grab onto his thigh, trying to keep him from going too deep, but he had no intentions of holding back now that he was inside you; he delicately grabbed your wrist and guided your hand back to your chest where he wrapped his arms around you and held you tightly.

"Baby," he moaned into your ear as his hips met yours.  "This is my pussy now."

You gasped and shivered in his arms, eyes falling shut as he pulled back and pushed in again, incredibly slow but as deep as he could push himself.

Your moans were perfect, even better than the ones he'd heard when he hacked into your webcam because it wasn't just your fingers or toy anymore, it was him— exactly what you'd always needed, whether you knew it or not.  He'd dreamed of this for so long and now that he had you he couldn't imagine ever letting you go.  Every inch of your channel was like heaven, every moan was somehow more beautiful than the last.

"That's it, baby, take all of me," he purred when he pressed deep into your cunt, holding your hips so the tip of his cock hit the deepest parts of you.  You made the cutest little choking noise and he kissed your neck while trying his best to make you do it again, moving faster and slapping his hips against yours more firmly.

"Jake," you managed to whimper, and he groaned through his teeth.

"Yeah, I'm right here," he promised.  "That's me inside you, sweetheart, that's my cock filling you up."

He leaned back slightly and pulled your ass apart so he could see his cock stretching you out, disappearing into your body.  It made his head fall back for a moment before he pulled you close again and started thrusting faster.  He reached around and brought two fingers to your clit, rubbing it fiercely as he kept thrusting.

"Oh fuck," you moaned, "Jake, right there… I'm gonna come…"

He laughed a little, kissing your ear as a show of approval.  "Baby, you're so sensitive," he praised, giving your clit a little spank.  You cried out and shuddered, bouncing yourself back on his cock, meeting his thrusts.  Amused by your neediness, he stopped moving and watched you go.

"There you go, sweetheart, fuck yourself with my cock.  Make yourself come."

You whined and kept going, your ass slapping against his hips loudly.  He kept rubbing your clit as you worked his cock, your walls starting to clench down on him rhythmically and your body beginning to shake.

The absolute second he heard you cry out with pleasure as you reached the peak, he grabbed you and rolled both of you over until you were on your stomach and he was brutally fucking you into the mattress.  He could still feel you pulsing around his length, gripping him tight and pulling him deeper.

"That's it, keep fuckin' coming for me," he groaned.  "Gimme one more and then I'm gonna fill you up."

"Jake!" you yelped, grabbing onto the pillow and even biting it as he slammed into you.  

"You're so good, baby, your pussy feels so good," he growled, pinning you down by your shoulders as he sped up even more.  He laughed when he felt your walls weakly fluttering, his balls hitting your swollen clit with each thrust.  "Gonna come again already, baby?  Just from my cock?"

"Yes," you sobbed hoarsely, "yes, Jake, I'm gonna come again— oh my god, please don't stop…"

"Oh, I won't stop," he assured.  "You take it so fuckin' good, sweetheart, like you were made for it.  Like you were made for me."

You moaned loudly and he took the opportunity to spank you— not incredibly hard but enough to make you whine a bit… and get even wetter.

"Oh fuck, you like that huh?" he purred with a grin.  "You like it rough."

"Yes, fuck, I love it," you agreed with a moan.  "I'm— I'm coming, Jake, don't stop."

"Yeah, I know," he chuckled, "I can feel it.  Feels so good when you come on my cock, baby…"

You went suddenly from arching your back and gripping the pillow to falling limp and relaxing, your body his toy now as he fucked you to the point of overstimulation.  Your moans were exhausted and muffled now, your walls clinging to him desperately as he continued stroking every sensitive place he could reach (which was all of them).

He could so easily pull out and paint your back, or jerk himself off over your ass, but if he was going to claim your body then he was going to do it right.  

He didn't warn you in advance, just in case you suddenly decided to tell him to pull out, but he did make sure you knew what he was doing.  "Fuck, I'm coming!" he moaned as his cock flexed and his seed filled you, still thrusting in time with each pump of his release.  It was nearly overwhelming, physically and psychologically.  He was finally filling you like he'd fantasized about basically every time he got off since he met you, finally making you his the way you should've been from the beginning.

He sighed and laid down on top of you, smiling as he kissed all over your face, neck, shoulders, and back.

You giggled sleepily, but whined when he tried to pull out, bringing your legs up to hold him inside.  "Don't go yet," you pleaded.

"Okay, baby, I'll stay right here until you fall asleep," he promised.  "Goodnight, beautiful…"

//

Not only could he not think of a night he'd slept better in his life, but he was pretty sure this was the best any man had slept in the history of sleep.  But even then, he wasn't at all disappointed when you woke him up.

"Good morning," you whispered in his ear with a giggle, making him blink his eyes open and look down at where you were resting your face on his chest.

"Good morning," he returned with a grin, wrapping his arms around you and holding you close.

"Last night was… pretty amazing," you smiled coyly, and he stroked your cheek as he felt it warm even more.

"Yeah, you have no idea," he chuckled, lifting your head so he could give you a kiss.  It was supposed to be quick and wholesome but you deepened it instantly, wrapping your arms around his neck.  

Just as you started to climb up to straddle him, he heard your stomach loudly growl and he pulled back to laugh.

"Sorry, sweetheart, but it sounds like you've got some other needs to take care of first," he smirked.

"Ugh, you're right," you sighed, "I'm going raid your kitchen."

"No, let me do that, I'll make you something— whatever you want," he offered, starting to sit up, but you pushed him back down.

"Jake, you've done enough for me already.  I don't even know what I want, that's why I wanna go look at what you have."

"If you insist," he relented, watching you hop out of bed and playfully smacking your ass when it was within reach.  You giggled and scampered away, leaving him to lay back and put his hands up behind his head, taking a deep breath of satisfaction.  His plan had not only worked but gone beyond his expectations— clearly you had wanted this, on some level, from the beginning, you were too eager for him to believe otherwise.  But that didn't matter now, because you were finally his and it was exactly as he'd dreamed it would feel: right, undeniably and overwhelmingly right.

He decided to take a break from basking in his own glory for a while to get up and find some food for himself as well.  After all, he planned on fucking you at least one more time today so he'd need lots of energy to keep him going.

He slipped back on his boxers and walked to the kitchen, finding you there standing oddly still.  "What are you doing?" he asked with a bemused scoff.

"Jake…" you mumbled, staring into the cabinet blankly.

"What's wrong?" he asked, stepping closer but stopping in his tracks when he saw what you were looking at: a six-pack box of granola bars.  He sighed a little as he internally chided himself for such a rookie mistake.  "Baby, seriously, what's wrong?"

"I… these… this is the same kind they gave me… it was the only thing I ate for almost four days."

"Oh my god," he whispered, stepping up behind you and wrapping his arms around you to try to soothe you.  "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bring back any bad memories.  You only ate granola bars for four days?  Honey, you must be starving, please just let me cook you something—"

"No, not only granola bars: only a granola bar.  Just one…"

You reached up to grab the box but he held you tighter, trying to stop you.  Instead what happened was you accidentally knocked the box over, exactly five bars sliding out and landing on the floor with a crinkly thud.

You gasped with realization and tried to squirm away but his comforting hug turned into restraint instantly.  "Jake, let me go…"

"I'm sorry, baby, but I don't think I can do that."

"Jake, please," you begged with a sob.  "Why did you— how could you?"

"I know you had feelings for me, you just needed a little encouragement."

"Feelings for you?  I hate you!"

"Huh, that's odd, because I distinctly remember you begging me to fuck you last night,” he taunted.  “I remember you coming for me, twice.  Is that what you normally do when you hate somebody?"

"You're a monster," you sneered.

"And you're stuck with me, whether you like it or not," he chuckled, spinning you around to bend you over the counter, pressing his hips against yours as you whined and failed to squirm away.  "So you might as well let yourself like it."

[absolutepokemontrash]

MC’s half Demon, and they look AWFULLY familiar...

‘Kay guys, I got a different kind of stupid Headcanon to throw at you. Get ready!

Part 2 Lessons 1-5 Part 2.5 Group Retreat Lessons 10-12 Lessons 13-15 Part 3 Part 4

*ahem* picture if you will, it’s the day the exchange program is set to start. The student council (nix Mr. Kill All Humans, Weeb-supreme, and our Scummy Sweetheart) have assembled to welcome the new human student. All is going according to schedule, the portal opens up at eight am sharp, they hear the pitiful screams of the selected human who was not given a heads up about the whole thing, and the poor little human falls straight onto the marble floor.

There’s something a tad... off about this human don’t you think? After they’ve peeled their sorry ass off the floor they observed the assembled student council with an air of sophistication and self importance that no one expected. Their posture was perfect, their eyes sharp and calculating... they bared a striking resemblance to-

“Lucifer,” Diavolo looked to his right hand man, then back to the human. “The human kind of looks like you!”

And out popped four pitch black wings from the human’s back and two small horns out of the sides of their head, one horn was a bit bigger than the other. They even still had some of their down feathers! How cute!

((Content warning: Swearing (I have a potty mouth, forgive me), but that’s it.))

Luci-dad

So, the MC is Lucifer’s kid! Of course Mr. Prideypants immediately tries to recall exactly what little romp in the human world uh... spawned this half-human half-demon child of his. Good thing MC’s got the other parent on speed-dial.

“Please note, MC,” Lucifer pinched the bridge of his nose upon hearing Asmo take even more pictures of his newly discovered hellspawn. “I was not aware of your existence, if I was I’d-”

“Don’t worry about it. I’m not upset.”

Lucifer blinked a few times in surprise. “P...pardon? You aren’t upset?”

“No, my parent told me that my father was a high ranking demon, and they bare no ill will against you. Though, I am looking forward to this whole... exchange program thing.”

Oh wow, that was easier than Lucifer thought. Damn. Well, he was a father... (let’s be real, he’s been parenting his brothers for thousands of years, and a good chunk of you sinners call him daddy)

MC is probably the most protected student at RAD, despite the fact that they have no visible security detail whatsoever. They didn’t want to be seen as... weak and pathetic.

Something about this human just... set the lesser demons on edge. Any talk of eating them was stamped out on the first day when they walked by. It’s like Lucifer himself was staring at them, daring the demons to try and bother the human. MC’s powerful presence kept them protected and feared.

...at least until dear uncle Asmo decided to do their hair one morning. All those ribbons may have looked adorable but they kind of ruined the intimidation factor.

MC loved to mess with the other students, keeping their lineage a secret for the first little while just made it so much funnier when the other demons tried to scramble out of MC’s way without looking like they were running from the ‘weak little human exchange student’.

Oh wow, what a sadist. Like father like child

Flying lessons are a must. Poor MC isn’t terribly good at controlling their wings, and their horns are still growing in so when they pop into their demon form the first thing they get is a sore skull. Ow... it sucks that Lucifer isn’t outwardly very sympathetic.

“Ow!” MC crashed face first into the grass in the backyard of the House of Lamentation. “Father! My wings are cramping! Can’t we practice this tomorrow?”

The sight of seeing his dear child crash face first into the ground had lost its hilarity after the first three times. Lucifer slowly lowered himself to the ground and crossed his arms as he stood over his incredibly grass-stained kid.

“MC, we’ve been ‘practicing this tomorrow’ for the past month. If you want to learn to fly you’re going to have to actually manage to stay in the air for more than three minutes.”

MC shot Lucifer a withering glare that only preteens were capable of, Lucifer matched it with his own much more sophisticated glare.

“You’ve been flying for over a thousand years! Don’t you have any tips that can actually help other than ‘don’t panic, you’ll look ridiculous’?”

Lucifer dragged a gloved hand down his face and looked around, the two were alone as far as he could see.

“MC,” Lucifer began. “When I was a young angel, I needed to learn how to fly with someone else.”

MC perked up. “Who?”

“Michael. The smug bastard picked up flying quicker than I did.”

“What’d you do?!”

Lucifer smiled at his child’s intense investment. “I practiced flying every day for five extra hours until I could do everything that Michael could do, just better.”

MC’s starry eyed interest died almost instantly upon hearing about the extra five hours of practice. “Humph, I bet I could outfly younger you and Michael with only two hours of practice a day.”

“Really now?”

“Yes! Watch!” MC shook off their wings and took off in a running start before shakily making it into the air. Their form was decent enough, and they weren’t shaking as much as the previous attempts. “SEE?!”

“Yes MC,” Lucifer smiled. “I can see.”

You know what else Lucifer could see? MC crashing right into a tree.

“Ouch...”

Okay... maybe they could halt practice a little early and order a treat from Madame Scream’s. A little sugar to refuel is needed when the end goal is crushing a mutual rival beneath their heels. Just some good old fashioned father/child bonding time!

MC has a smaller seat right next to Lucifer’s seat in the Assembly Hall. I will not compromise on this one.

For all your fluff needs, I give you: Lucifer teaching MC how to play the piano. He has a proud little smile on his face when his kid finally starts getting it. That’s all. Enjoy the image.

That one Uncle who gives you Alcohol at Family Gatherings (Mammon)

Yeah, when Mammon burst in late to the party and whining about everyone’s spamming him with texts to haul his scummy ass to the Assembly Hall, the last thing he expected was to see a mini-Lucifer.

“What the fuck am I lookin’ at?!”

The glare the two Lucifers gave the poor Avatar of Greed was enough to make him want to turn tail (uh, wing) and book it down the hall.

“Mammon, this is MC. They’re my child.”

“Hello.”

“...whaaaa..?” Mammon looked between the two, same glare, same intimidating aura, same annoyingly good posture.

Mammon scratched the back of his neck and looked over at his older brother. “Do I uh... still gotta babysit em’ if they’re not human?”

“The lake of Cocytus will melt the day I let you babysit without supervision.” Lucifer grumbled.

“I don’t need a babysitter!”

Despite Lucifer’s initial denial, Mammon and MC ended up spending a lot of time hanging out when Lucifer was busy with paperwork. Of course Mammon’s first thought was ‘how do I profit off this situation?’

MC is now Mammon’s designated babysitter after they caught him picking up their feathers that had fallen off with the intention of painting them white and claiming they were Lucifer’s from back in the Celestial Realm.

Mammon does end up spoiling MC a little. Just a smidge. They’re the kid of his totally not his favourite brother after all! How could he not? Whether or not these gifts are obtained legally or are legal at all is subject to scrutiny.

“Mammon, I can’t drink this!” MC placed the bottle of Demonus back on the counter of the kitchen.

“Why not? That’s a bottle of the good stuff! We gotta celebrate you gettin’ an A on that test somehow!”

“I’m underage! Incredibly underage. I’m not legally allowed to drink.”

Mammon wordlessly plopped a silly straw into the bottle. “...does that help?”

“No.” MC then inclined their head to the bottle. “And I don’t want to get hung from the ceiling, that bottle was in my father’s study yesterday, I’m above theft.”

“How old are you s’posed to be anyway? Never mind... uh...” Mammon wracked his brain for something else he could do for MC that didn’t cost anything (don’t judge him, the poor bastard was flat broke!). “I could... teach you to drive!”

“Driving?”

“Yeah! Drivin’ is awesome! We can take my car!”

The bills for the damages done to the car and the Devildom were mailed to Lucifer the next day, and MC and Mammon got to keep each other company as they hung from the ceiling. Ah well! At least MC wasn’t upside down!

Mammon wasn’t that good of a flight teacher either, he also crashed into a tree (the same tree MC crashed into, actually) when he was cheering for MC. They were finally able to do a loopdy loop! He was proud and distracted! Okay?! Lucifer! Stop smirkin’ at him! It’s not that funny!

At least the vantage point from the tree was decent and the branches didn’t scratch him up too badly. Oh hey... that person walking by was wearing a very nice watch... he’d be right back-

That Uncle That is Always Absent From Family Gatherings and When He is Present He Leaves Early (Levi)

He missed everything. That is not an exaggeration. He was in the middle of an online raid battle and couldn’t look at his phone! No Lucifer he can’t pause an online game! That’s not how it works!

Okay, the human exchange student is half demon? WOAH! THAT’S JUST LIKE THAT ONE ANIME- W A I T. THE LITTLE NORMIE IS LUCIFER’S KID?!

Okie doke, he was fully convinced that MC just had to be an anime protagonist.

They binged every series that Levi compared them to. Sure MC might have missed a few assignments because of late night anime binges, but they were too good for this school crap anyway, right?

Nope. Lucifer put a ban on the two watching anime until both their grades improved. Surviving that hell brought the two together.

“Ugh!”

The sound of a pencil case being haphazardly thrown across the room made Levi peek out of his bed-tub. If his figurines got knocked over so HELP HIM-

“This is stupid!!I shouldn’t have to catch up with this!” MC crossed their arms and gave their Demonology textbook their best disapproving glare.

Lucifer Lite (tm) was having a hell of a time trying to claw through their missed work, and Levi sympathized, he really did, it’s just... he was playing Animal Crossing-

Levi paused the game to placate his anime-buddy when their wings popped out and he feared for his rare merch’s safety.

“H-hey, MC? Do you need help?” Levi’s offer was met with a bone chilling glare that lived rent free in his nightmares ever since. He had pulled a Mammon and forgotten he was talking to Lucifer’s child. Lucifer’s allergy to help must have passed down to MC.

“No! I don’t! It’s just... dumb!” MC hissed, she turned and looked over at the fish tank. “Right Henry 2.0?”

Henry 2.0 did not respond.

“MC, you need to finish your homework or we can’t watch anything together,” Levi sighed, he had finished his work over an hour earlier. He had mastered the art of all night anime binges and managing to do most of his work in the fifteen minutes between the time he woke up and the time school was supposed to begin. “We haven’t even binged all of volume 4 of TSL yet!”

“Mmm...” MC grumbled. “Fine...”

MC picked up their pencil case and began continued their work. Levi breathed a sigh of relief and went back to Animal Crossing.

The tiny normie did in fact finish their work, only after they caved and asked Levi for help. Swore him to secrecy, they did... very intimidating, they were.

Just saying, he most definitely sent that one Keanu Reeves meme with big Keanu and little Keanu but with Lucifer and MC to the wrong group chat. Poor bastard.

Flying lessons? No. Levi hadn’t flown since his time in the Celestial Realm, he had no advice to give other than: “Flap your wings!”

“THAT’S WHAT I’M DOING YOU-”

MC didn’t get to finish that thought, they lost their balance and fell right into RAD’s fountain. Ah well, Levi had a head start on running for his life that he squandered by laughing at MC. RIP.

The Uncle/brother/whatever the fuck that Starts a Fight With Your Dad at the Family Reunion. (Satan)

Oh... another Lucifer? Eugh. Gross.

Satan gave the kid a wide berth when they first met. Everything the kid said or did ticked him off. “Tsk. Look at MC. Making an omelette. So annoying.” “Oh wow, MC vacuumed? Roll out the red carpet, we need to celebrate their existence!” “Look at them. Breathing. Disgusting.”

MC’s pride wouldn’t ever let them admit it but... they knew Satan didn’t like them, and it hurt their feelings.

“Shhhh,” Satan whispered into his backpack.

“Meow.” The backpack replied.

“I said shhhhh.”

The backpack did not reply after that, which was a good thing considering the little princet of the HOL was nearby.

“Satan?” They asked. “Who are you talking to?”

Satan coldly brushed past them as he made his way to his room. “No one you need to concern yourself with.”

When the little calico kitten was safe in his room, Satan quickly realized a mistake in his foolproof ‘sneak a cat into the house’ plan. He didn’t have any toys for the kitten, and he didn’t want his books getting scratched...

It was alright, he’d just rush out to the a store that sold cat things and rush back! Five minute trip tops!

Well when Satan got back the cat was no longer in the room. Oh dear. He discreetly tore apart the house looking for the poor little thing until he ended up finding it in the library, happily chasing around a loose feather being held up by MC.

“Oh, hello Satan.” MC chirped as the kitten batted it’s adorable little paws at the feather.

“My... my door was closed. Did you let the cat out?”

MC shrugged. “I heard meowing.”

Satan ran a hand through his hair and grumbled. Stupid smaller Lucifer. Stupid original Lucifer. Everyone sucked.

“Let me guess, you’re going to run to Lucifer and tell him all about the meowing and the rule breaking.”

MC shook their head and glared at Satan. “Of course not. I’ve already gotten way too attached to this little guy anyway. We’re co-parenting this kitten like mature adults.”

With some coaxing, Satan did sit down and play with the kitten, maybe MC wasn’t... so terrible.

The two watch Unsolved Mysteries together, that’s their show. “This guy did it.” “Satan, we’re two minutes into the episode-” “Trust me.”

Thirty minutes later.

“He did it.” “See MC, what’d I tell you?”

Lucifer did find out about the cat, but with enough pleading, MC and Satan managed to warm up the cold spot in Lucifer’s chest where his heart should have been. The cat’s name is Detective Toe Beans (or just Bean).

Satan can’t fly, he has a tail, but he did read up on wing anatomy and how flight actually works in demons, his advice would be good in theory, but it’s full of so much technical jargon that MC can’t understand it.

At least MC didn’t crash into something, they barrel rolled through one of the HOL’s windows. Good thing it was the window to their room. The broken arm still hurt like hell.

The Best Dressed Bitch Who Brings The Booze to The Reunion. (Asmo)

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Lucifer’s kid was SO CUTE! A thousand pictures commemorating that adorable moment needed to be taken! Wait- Lucifer- GIVE BACK THE PHONE-

Asmo, surprise surprise, absolutely adores little MC! So cute! So small! He was just so excited to announce to all his Devilgram followers that Lucifer was finally a certified DILF.

That post disappeared five minutes after it was made but the damage had already been done.

Asmo made sure MC looked their best at all times, if they needed help talking to anyone? Asmo’s got their back!

Sure, maybe he’s a little pushy, but pushy’s a good thing sometimes, right?

“Asmodeus-”

“No, these shoes wouldn’t fit you...”

“Asmo-”

“No, not these ones either...”

“ASMODEUS.”

Asmo squeaked and jumped upwards, Geez Louise... little MC’s voice could sure be scary when they wanted it to be...

“I don’t need any fancy new shoes.” MC huffed, sitting up straighter in one of the chairs in Asmo’s room. “I thought this was supposed to be a sleepover.”

“Hmmm...” Asmo pouted. “Makeovers are an essential part of sleepovers... what’d you do with your human friends up in the human world that could possibly be better than a make-over?!”

MC began to list things off. “Ordered junk food, talked about people we hated, watched movies,”

“Greasy food is so bad for your skin...” Asmo cringed and shook his head violently. “But I’m totally down to watch a movie and bitch about people I hate!”

“Ah yes, human sleepovers, a tradition I never quite had the chance to enjoy.” Solomon said from Asmo’s bed. “Who are we bitching about?”

“Remind me what Solomon is doing here.” MC muttered as they sat down in front of Asmo’s TV.

“Because, I wanted to hang out with my two favourite humans.” Asmo cooed, reaching over and trying to pinch MC’s cheek, which they awkwardly dodged.

“Can we watch The Exorcist?” Solomon asked, propping his head up with his hands.

“Ew, no.” Asmo made a face at him. “That scene with the vomit? Hell NO.”

“Mm.” MC mumbled. Asmo turned to look at them.

“MC? Are you doing okay? You don’t look like you’re having any fun...”

“I’m fine.” MC grumbled.

Asmo pursed his lips, as much as it made his little narcissistic heart break, he nudged MC. “Why don’t you pick the movie, sweetie. I’m sure Solomon and I will like anything you pick!”

MC noticeably brightened. “Let’s watch Scream!”

The strangled noise that came from Asmo was... concerning, but to his credit, The Avatar of Lust held his tongue about his distaste for the movie, and the three slumber-party goers had quite the lovely time.

After the movie ended, MC went back to their room, sure it was a sleepover but their bed was right down the hall.

Good for Asmo and Solomon. Horny fuckers. We stan.

Asmo just claps and tries to cheer MC on when it comes to their flying lessons. (The idea that Asmo came up with to wear his cheerleader costume from the previous Halloween was immediately shot down by Lucifer)

“You’re doing wonderful, MC- WATCH OUT FOR THE POWER LINE!”

MC didn’t hit the power line, but Asmo’s scream of terror caused them to fall butt-first into a dumpster. Their injured tailbone served as a tragic memory of the incident.

Oh well, good thing Asmo had nice smelling soap to give that could mask dumpster-stink.

The Uncle that eats everything and tells you to eat your veggies while you angrily pick at your broccoli at the kid’s table. (Beel)

Lucifer... has a kid?! Beel choked on the cheetos he had snuck into the Assembly Hall when the kid’s wings popped out.

Oh wow, that’s nice :) maybe they can eat together. Belphie would probably like them.

Wait what is the gender neutral term for Niece or Nephew?

...Nibling? Uh... let’s not say that around Beel. We don’t need him to get hungrier and begin associating MC with nibbling on things.

The Underground Tomb incident probably went a little differently, but after all that nonsense, the two are closer than two peas in a pod!

Mmm... peas...

“Beel?” MC stepped into the Avatar of Gluttony’s room.

“Hi MC.” Beel was doing push-ups in the middle of the room, on the ground right beneath his head was a massive bowl of spaghetti that he bit into every time he completed a push-up. “Can you come stand on my back? I need the extra weight.”

“On your back?” MC padded closer. “Are you sure? It’s not going to hurt?”

“No, it’ll be okay.” Beel assured them. “Belphie and I did this all the time. Except Belphie is normally asleep.”

MC tentatively stepped onto Beel’s back. It was a balancing act to say the least, they eventually gave up on standing and ended up sitting cross legged between Beel’s shoulder blades.

“You did this with Belphegor?” MC asked.

“Yeah,” Beel sighed. “He was always too tired to exercise, but he’d let me bench press him sometimes...”

MC frowned and hugged their knees to their chest. Knowing full well that Beel’s twin wasn’t in the human world like Lucifer said was absolutely ripping them apart from the inside. Guilt felt just as rotten as their pride did when they were being belittled...

“Maybe you’ll see him again sometime soon.” MC whispered. “Maybe my father’ll come to his senses and let him come back down to the Devildom.”

Beel paused his push-ups for a brief moment, then nodded and went back to his eating exercising combo. “I hope so. He’ll like you, MC. I’m sure of it.”

MC nodded. “I... hope so.”

Beel’s a pretty decent flight teacher, but his wings are just so different from MC’s that it renders any tips he had next to useless.

“MC, maybe your wings aren’t flapping fast enough.”

“Beel, I appreciate the thought, but I’m not a hummingbird. Or a fly. I don’t need to flap my wings a million times a minute to stay afloat.”

Ah well, MC tried to take some of Beel’s advice, but their lower right wing cramped up and they ended up flying in circles until Beel was able to catch them. Ah well, better than the dumpster incident the previous week.

The Uncle That Passes Out in The Basement and You’re Not Allowed to Wake Him Up Even Though All Your Toys and Video Games Are Down There. He Also Picks a Fight With Your Dad’s New S/O Before He Passes Out. (Belphie)

Sitting in the attic was quite a drag, and this supposedly weak little human was quite the annoyance to try and call out to. It took a lot longer than expected, but when he heard little footsteps coming towards his prison, Belphegor nearly jumped with joy.

Oh... it... looked like Lucifer. Smelled like Lucifer. Stood like Lucifer. Quacked like Lucifer. Or... trilled..? Whatever sound a peacock made, this brat sounded an awful lot like Lucifer.

A... half-demon. Hmph. Belphie honestly thought Lucifer had actual standards. Not anymore, he guessed.

(Man I could fill a whole-ass fic with the Belphie betrayal thing, but for now let’s skip to post attic nonsense)

Okay so maybe MC wasn’t disgusting. They made a good nap buddy. It was cute when their wings came out when they were sleeping sometimes. Well... it was cute when they didn’t hit him in the face and make him wake up with his mouth full of feathers.

What Beel said had been true, Belphie made a good substitute when weights weren’t available, but Beel didn’t want MC to feel left out, so Belphie and MC ended up sitting on his back while he did push ups. MC once got bored and started playing Go Fish with Belphie on Beel’s back while he exercised.

Yes. MC is still a member of the Formerly-Anti-Lucifer League.

“Are you sure he’s not going to be too mad at us?” MC asked for the dozenth time that day. Detective Toe Beans was wrapped around their neck like a scarf (he had gotten so big!!!) while MC nervously sat in one of the Library chairs.

“Positive.” Belphie said with a toothy grin. “Besides, he’s like putty when it comes to you. Just give him your best puppy eyes and we’re not guilty on all charges.”

Putty..? Really..? Lucifer..? How strict was he before MC got there... they wondered.

“Sh! He’s coming!” Satan stuck his nose into a random book, it was the Oxford English Dictionary... and it was upside down.

Belphie pretended to pass out and MC decided that the best course of action was to stare deeply into their cat’s eyes. Yeah... that looked casual and not weird.

“Satan, MC, Belphie.” Lucifer nodded to the three of them as he walked towards the entrance to his study.

“Lucifer.”

“Afternoon, father.”

Belphie let out a cartoonishly loud fake snore that nearly caused both MC and Satan to break cover and start laughing.

Side note, Bean had adorable widdle eyes! That cute little face was just to die for-

“You three..!”

Belphie, Satan, and MC peeked their heads into Lucifer’s study, their handiwork was perfect. Everything was covered in red post it notes. Perfectly not harmful, but SO inconvenient!

“You’re all cleaning this up or so help me-”

“GO!” Belphie and Satan each grabbed one of MC’s arms (Satan also grabbed Bean) and sprinted out of the House of Lamentation. Maybe they’d move back there in twenty years... they hoped that Solomon and The Angels would let them crash at Purgatory Hall...

Belphie had used up his physical energy supply for the next four years. He passed out the moment they stepped into sanctuary. Time for a nap...

Flight practice? Ha. Belphie’s napping. Though, he was suspiciously awake and filming whenever MC did something stupid.

“Try not to suck so bad.”

“GO TO HELL BELPHIE!”

“I’m already there. Hell is every second I’m stuck here watching you fail.”

“YOU’RE GOING TO GET IT FOR THAT!”

Well... MC mastered the dive bomb that day. Lucifer bought them a cake.

Bonus! Your Dad’s New Husband! That Has Managed to Somehow Make Everyone Hate Him Despite the Fact That He’s A Cinnamon Roll. (Diavolo)

A mini Lucifer? A mini Lucifer!

Diavolo dotes on MC like he’d dote on his own kid. MC wants a crown? They’re getting a crown! A damn nice one too! MC wants a title? Here! MC is now... idk Ruler of the area between Majolish and Hell’s Kitchen.

Poor Uncle Mammon’s got some financial insecurity, he’s still the cool uncle... right?!

He is very much that ‘how do you do fellow kids?’ Meme.

He tries to do stereotypical ‘dad’ things but he’s not very good at them. Once he tried to host a barbecue...

Barbatos saved the day, but Mammon’s hair was still singed, Solomon’s cooking still gave Beel food poisoning (SOLOMON EATS TOXIC WASTE I SWEAR-), Luke still got hit in the face with a frisbee, and Simeon got an unhealthy dose of DAD NERVES and got so stressed everyone was almost blinded by the holy light he suddenly started blasting. We do not mention the water guns.

(Seriously whose bright idea was it to give Belphie and Satan water guns while they were in Lucifer’s presence?)

Praise Barbie. He’s too good for them.

“Um...” MC awkwardly held up the baseball, trying to look at it from all angles like it was a completely alien object. “Lord Diavolo... are you sure you want to play catch?”

Diavolo clapped his hands and bounced on the balls of his feet. “Yes! It’s a thing human fathers do with their children, correct? We must make up for lost time between you and Lucifer, right?”

Lucifer massaged his temples and nodded. “If you two would like to play catch...” Lucifer grimaced. “I will too.”

“Okay! MC, throw the ball to Lucifer!” Diavolo instructed.

Lucifer half heartedly held up his baseball glove as MC tossed him the ball. He caught it, and looked over at Diavolo, who was applauding like he just witnessed the greatest feat in sports history.

“Okay! Throw it to me!” Diavolo waved his glove in the air, Lucifer rolled his eyes and smiled. He threw the ball at Diavolo with... a lot of force. Enough force to probably dent steel... Diavolo caught it like it was nothing.

MC suddenly feared for their safety.

“Okay MC, catch!”

Diavolo threw the ball with enough force to break the god damn sound barrier. Well, maybe that was an exaggeration, but the ball sailed way over MC’s head and crashed right through a window.

“Oh my...” Diavolo put a hand on his hip and surveyed the damage to the window. “This isn’t so bad, I believe in human world TV shows this happens quite often. Look! The glass broke in a perfect circle!”

“Yay... property damage...” MC murmured.

Lucifer sighed and pulled out his DDD. “I’ll phone someone to replace the win-”

“Lucifer no! Now according to human world customs we must,” Diavolo took a deep breath, rushed forward, grabbed both Lucifer and MC’s hands and started sprinting away from the Demon Lord’s Castle. “RUN FOR IT!”

“Di- Diavolo!” Lucifer gasped.

“Who are we running from?! That’s your castle!” MC squeaked.

“I don’t know! Just run! That’s what the human TV show says to do!”

Weirdly enough, Diavolo was the best flight instructor. MC’s ability to fly increased tenfold after Diavolo found out that MC was learning to fly.

“You’re doing amazing MC! That was a perfect turn!”

“Thanks Lord Diavolo, I’m surprised I haven’t crashed into anyone or fallen yet!”

“Well, I highly doubt you’ll be crashing into anyone anymore, your flying is practically perfect now!”

Mammon proceeded to fly past them holding what looked like Lucifer’s wallet.

“M-mammon?!”

“Oh... I wonder what he’s doing. Look, MC! It’s Lucifer! Hello Lucifer dea-”

Lucifer ended up colliding with the two of them and sending them all crashing to the floor.

That was the last time MC fell during flying practice.

(We currently have a Go Fund Me set up for Mammon to get the funds necessary to flee the Devildom after that incident. Please donate to save- oh shit hi Lucifer-)

[buckys-black-dress]

✄ chapter three: losin' grip on my doin'

a/n: okay, let's goooo! chapter 3 :) things are buildin up... get ready ;) chapter 4 will be posed tonight or tomorrow :)

wc: 4.1k

[fratboy!bucky barnes x fem!reader]

series masterlist

-

To say the least, waking up the next morning in the most coveted after playboy's bed was a shock. You wake up nestled into Bucky Barnes' side, and you wonder if this is what it felt like.

If this is what every conquest that's been brought to his room feels like when they wake up.

You're very much aware of a metal arm slung over your waist, and you feel panic rise up in your throat. Once you recognize you're fully clothed, you release a breath and feel the tension disintegrating from your body.

You can feel Bucky Barnes' heavy breaths under your head from where you're situated on his chest, and you take a moment and pause.

You would never think you'd find yourself in this situation; sidled up in bed with your university's most notorious fratboy. Someone girls and guys coveted after, and who would do anything to get in bed with him.

Yet, here you are. You don't want to admit to yourself that you quite like it here. You feel comfortable, safe. Fitted perfectly right under his arm, listening to his even breaths as you replay the night before's events in your mind like a film reel.

You meet him.

You play pong with him.

You talk to him.

You go up to his room with him.

And now you're awake in his bed. Fully clothed.

How?

Before you could ask too many questions and drown into a spiral, you hear Bucky draw in a sharp breath, signaling his awakening. You look up at him, wondering how he's going to react to you being here. Not only you being here, but also how you two woke up.

"Mornin', doll." He smiles down at you, and his morning voice sends a shiver down your spine at the raspiness.

"H-Hi." You simply say. You can't quite draw any coherent thoughts at the moment, as Bucky's arm tightens around you and draws you closer to his body.

"Sleep well?" He asks, still looking down at you fond look that makes your heart swell in your chest.

"Hm," you hum, "better than I expected, honestly." You laugh.

"Good, spent way too much on this mattress for it to not please my guests." Bucky smirks, and you get lost in his blue eyes for a moment.

But then, you think about his word choice. Guests. Plural. And although you know nothing happened between you two, you still feel a wave of shame wash over you at the notion.

Bucky's had guests in this bed before. You aren't the first girl to sleep in this bed, and you probably weren't the last.

You feel Bucky shift underneath you, seeing his expression turn to worry at the way you're clearly lost in thought.

"Everythin' alright?" He asks, and you nod quickly.

"Yeah, everything's fine. Just peachy." You give a quick smile, trying to not show how your stomach was churning at the thought of all the girls who've been here before you.

"Wanna go grab some breakfast?" Bucky asks, and you pause.

He wants to stay with me? He's not kicking me out, asking me to leave?

“Sure, uh, where did you wanna go?” You ask gently, worrying that you might scare him off, that he’s delusional right now and he doesn’t really want to spend time with you. You’re beyond confused right now.

“We can head to the diner if you’re good with that? My treat.” He says as he stands up, pulling on a shirt to avoid the chill of the room.

It’s a red henley, and the way you see his muscles straining in the sleeves of the shirt has a blush crawling up your neck.

“Yeah, that’s fine.” You croak, getting out of the bed.

-

By the time you get up and get dressed, sweatpants courtesy of Bucky, and head to the diner, it’s already noon. It’s a Saturday morning, so most people are still in bed while recovering from their hangovers.

“So, how come I haven’t seen you at one of our parties before last night?” Bucky asks while you seat yourselves at a booth in the back of the diner.

“I uhm, I don’t really go out too much. Natasha basically begged me to come out, and I only did it to get her off my case and stop asking me.” You reply while taking a sip of the scalding coffee in front of you that a nice waitress poured for the two of you.

“Really? Well, I’d say you should come more often,” he gives you this smile, and your brain is short-circuiting at how handsome he looks. “You were a great pong partner.”

The emphasis on the word and his tone indicate that he was very much so being sarcastic, and you give a bashful chuckle at his words.

“Oh yeah, definitely. I have nothing on Natasha and Sam.” You laugh, and the same waitress comes by to take your orders.

Once she flutters back behind the counter to put the orders in, you’re reading a text on your phone that you felt vibrate while it was in the pocket of Bucky’s sweater you were sporting.

Natasha:

(12:08 PM) Hey, did you end up getting back safe last night? Sorry I kind of bailed, I just ended up crashing when I got to Sam’s room.

She punctuates her sentence with a face palm emoji in embarrassment, and you smile at the text.

Y/N:

(12:10 PM) Hi, I just crashed in Bucky’s room last night. No funny business tho, so don’t get any ideas in your head.

As you send off the message, you turn off your phone and place is face-down on the table, deciding you’ll deal with Nat’s freak out about you spending the night with Bucky later.

“Everythin’ okay?” Bucky’s voice startles you out of your thoughts, and you snap your eyes up to his.

“Yeah, Nat was just making sure I didn’t end up dead in a ditch last night.” You laugh, shaking your head at how dramatic your roommate could be at times.

“Hey, it’s good to know she cares about you.” He responds, and you nod at his words.

“I mean, yeah. No matter how much she might bug me about going out or getting a boyfriend, she’s still like my sister. I don’t know what I’d do without her.” A sigh leaves your mouth, thinking about Nat. She’s been there for you through everything in your life, and it was true. She was your biggest supporter, and you’re glad you have someone who cares so much for you.

“She seems like a great friend. Sam and Steve are the same for me. I mean, although I grew up with Steve, Sam was like the third brother we never even knew we needed.” He stares off into the distance with a soft look in his eyes, and you smile fondly at his words.

In that moment, you feel like you’re seeing a side of Bucky that not many people get to see. This is Bucky, a guy from Brooklyn who’s just trying to get by in college. Not a man-whore, or a guy who just wants to ge his dick wet like everyone says.

Before you could come up with a response to what he’s said, the same lady comes and places your hot food in front of the both of you, leaving with a ‘enjoy!’ before she whirls away again.

You eat while making small talk, just about life, school, and hobbies. Before you know it, Bucky asks for the check, and even though you know he said he’d pick it up earlier, you still fight him on paying for half the bill.

In the end, Bucky becomes so frustrated with your antics that he simply gets up and hands the waitress his card, and you simply watch with a dropped jaw at his actions.

“You didn’t have to do that!” You exclaim, albeit quietly, but enough to show your frustration.

“Doll, I’m treating you to brunch. Just let me.” Is all Bucky says, effectively shutting you up.

-

On your walk back to campus, Bucky asks what you’re doing for the rest of the day, asking if you wanted to come back to his room.

“I should head back, Natasha’s probably waiting for me with a million questions.” You bashfully look up to your window from the bottom of your dorm building.

“Oh, okay doll.” Bucky wraps his arms around you, pulling you into an unexpected hug. You feel your body tense at the action, but once you realize what’s happening, you relax again, letting yourself melt into his body.

“See ya later?” He asks with a raised brow.

“Uh, yeah. I don’t know what I’ll be doing later, but we can talk later.” You smile up at him, slowly moving out of his grip and towards the door.

Before you could fully open the door, you hear Bucky’s voice call out to you one more time.

“Y/N, wait!” He yells, jogging over to you at the door. “Can I uh, get your number? So I can text you later?” He asks, his metal hand rubbing the back of his neck.

“O-Oh, sure! Yeah!” You reply a bit louder than you had intended, just out of pure shock at his question.

You open a new message on your phone, allowing Bucky to type in his number and save his contact. Once he hands the device back to you, you see his name saved as Bucky Barnes <3.

Before you can say anything about the heart he added himself, he pecks your cheek and runs off, with a distant ‘I’ll see ya later, doll!’

You essentially float up to your room, not feeling like you were on the planet right now. You felt like you were up in the clouds, unaware of your own actions. You unlock the door to your room, and Natasha is perched upon her bed, looking down at two outfits she has held up against her form.

“Hey! You didn’t answer my messages, you little bitch! Tell me everything!” She turns around at the sound of you entering, already berating you.

But it all sounds muffled in your ears, not fully comprehending what she was saying to you.

“Hey, you okay? Earth to Y/N?” The redhead says again, waving a hand in front of your face at your spacey expression.

“I-I, yeah, I’m fine. Just… shocked.” You breathe out.

“So? Tell me what happened!”

At first, you could barely get the words out of your mouth, trying to explain everything that occurred in the past 24 hours. You get through the story, a little bit challenged at trying to organize your thoughts, but eventually you get Natasha up to speed.

“So… you didn’t have sex with him?” Your roommate says, and you shake your head no.

“Nat, you know how I feel about having sex. I don’t want to rush into it, and I don’t want my first time to be with some… random guy from a frat. I want it to be with someone I trust, someone I’m comfortable with.” You tell her like a broken record, because over the course of the time that you’ve been friends with Natasha, you’ve had this conversation with her several times. Sometimes, you wondered why she was so hellbent on you losing your virginity.

As much as you loved her and understood her intentions with the question, you were getting tired of having to defend yourself every time.

“I- I know! I just… I want you to be happy, with whoever you want. I never want you to think I’m rushing you though, Y/N. I love you.” Natasha explains, putting her hand on your arm in consolation.

“I know, Nat. But trust me, you’ll be the first to know when I do… do it. Don’t worry.” You laugh at how ridiculous you sounded.

She’s looking back down at her bed now, looking between the outfits she was holding earlier.

“Okay… now, help me pick an outfit! Sam wants to go on a date tonight!” She says, showing you the different options.

As you two banter and talk about last night, you interrupt Natasha’s tirade about Sam and ‘what a gentleman he is!’

“Bucky gave me his number earlier.” Saying it out loud makes it sound all the more ridiculous. You feel like a high-schooler at your words, and the way Natasha stops all movement makes you feel all the more insane.

“His number?” She asks, like she couldn’t figure out what to really say.

“Yeah. He even saved a heart next to his name in my phone. What does that even mean?” You wonder out loud, and now you’re sure you’ve gone crazy.

“I… I’m not sure. I think he likes you.” She says nonchalantly, and you scoff.

“Yeah, because Bucky Barnes is very interested in a girl he met last night who didn’t want to sleep with him. He must be going crazy over a girl like me.” You finish with an incredulous laugh, like it never even crossed your mind that he could like you.

“Well… he acted very different from you’ve been telling me. He usually just fucks a girl and she leaves the next morning, nothing more, nothing less. The fact that he didn’t fuck you and took you out to brunch says a lot about this whole situation.” She explains, and you’re still having a hard time grasping this information.

Just as you’re about to find a rationale as to why her explanation isn’t plausible, you feel your phone buzz.

With furrowed brows, you open your texts.

Bucky Barnes <3:

(2:01 PM) Hey doll, do you wanna come by to another party we’re having tonight? Could use my trusty pong champ ;)

Your mouth dries at the message, words lodged in your throat.

“Look what he just texted me.” You flip your screen to Nat and she reads with an unreadable expression, which quickly turns into her brows shooting up.

“A winky face! Y/N/N, he fucking likes you! He wants to see you again!” She exclaims, and you don’t even know what to say.

“How do I respond?” You feel so unexperienced, asking your roommate for advice on how to text a guy.

“Here, gimme,” she snatches the phone out of your grasp, quickly typing something and handing the phone back to you.

You read what she sent with wide eyes.

Y/N Y/L/N:

(2:11 PM) I’ll be there ;) Should I bring clothes to change into for tonight?

“Nat! Why would you say that? You’re making it sound like I wanna have sex with him tonight!” You rise up from your spot on her bed in a panic, pacing the area of your small room.

“Y/N, relax! He-” Before she could finish, your phone buzzed again.

Bucky Barnes <3

(2:13 PM) Hilarious, doll. You don’t have to, but if you wanna crash here again tonight, you can definitely bring your own stuff if that makes you more comfy :)

“Oh my God. He’s so sweet!” Nat giggles, covering her mouth with her hand. “You have to go now!”

“Nat… doesn’t this look a little… suspicious? From what I’ve heard, this isn’t how he usually acts.” You say wearily, the worry clear in your tone.

“Y/N, look at me.” Natasha's hands come to the sides of your head, urging your gaze to meet hers. “You’re a great girl. You deserve someone who treats you well and gets excited to see you, like Bucky is right now. Don’t push him away. You deserve something good.”

At her words, your eyes soften and you feel the distant sting of tears behind your eyes. You give her a nod, not knowing how to express your gratitude to her in words at the moment. She pulls you into a hug and you hold her tight against you, like she might disappear if you let go.

“Now, we need to get you ready for tonight. You’re gonna make Bucky wish he fucked you.” Natasha smirks an evil one.

“Nat!”

-

The party was in full swing upon your arrival. You were all alone when you walked through the doors of the fraternity house, as Natasha had gone on her dinner date with Sam. She’d promised she’d come by after dinner, and you were practically shaking while searching for Bucky in the packed house.

There were people everywhere, and the longer it took for you to find Bucky, the more anxious you were becoming about being here.

“Y/N!” You hear distantly, and your head whips around in search of the owner of the voice.

You feel a hand slide around your waist, and you smell Bucky before you see him. If it weren’t for the distinct smell of his cologne and mint, you would’ve slapped the hand away long ago.

“Hey! Been wonderin’ when you’d show up.” Bucky has a smile on his face, showing off his pearly whites.

“Sorry, I got held up at home with Natasha.” You tell him, looking around at the crowd. You could feel your breathing shorten at the sheer amount of people around you, and your stomach churns in anxiety.

As if Bucky senses your discomfort, he rubs the hand on your waist along the expanse of your back.

“You okay?” He asks, visibly concerned at your demeanor.

You nod wordlessly, trying to make it seem like you weren’t extremely stressed right now. You would’ve loved to let loose tonight, but yesterday was already pushing it in terms of going out.

“Do you wanna head upstairs?” Bucky asks in clear concern at your demeanor right now. He feels a wave of guilt wash over him. If he knew just how much you were going to become uncomfortable by just being here tonight, he wouldn’t have asked you to come. He would’ve simply asked you on a date, or done a night in with you.

You nod again, not allowing the words to leave your throat. You feel as though your mouth is full of cotton, not even being able to form any coherent thoughts at the moment.

Bucky’s cool metal arm guides you by your lower back to the stairs, and you’re once again reminded of the previous night. His cool metal hand is the only thing grounding you at the moment, and you think you would’ve ended up on the dirty bathroom floor downstairs in a puddle of tears if Bucky had taken any longer to find you.

You pass through his doorway, and Bucky’s arm is holding you against him as the door shuts behind you two.

He wordlessly caresses you, running a soothing hand up and down your back, which is partially open because of your outfit. You’re wearing a dress from Natasha’s closet, which she claimed made you look ‘hotter than the motherfucking sun, Y/N’, and you were basically forced into.

“For what it’s worth, honey, you look stunning tonight.” You feel Bucky’s chest rumble from his speaking from where you’re placed against him, and you give a light laugh.

“Thanks,” you return quietly, unable to really come up with anything witty to say. “I’m sorry I’m ruining tonight for you.” Your voice comes after a few moments of silence, but suddenly you’re pulled away from his body.

“Hey,” his hands are on your shoulders, “you are not ruining anything, doll. Parties ’ll come and go, but I don’t want to do it if it isn’t with you.” He tells you in earnest, and you feel an indistinguishable ache in your chest at his words.

Where did this man come from? It seems as though the perfect guy, one who respects you, one who doesn’t force you into anything, one who seems to care too much about you has just... fallen into your lap.

It almost seems too good to be true.

“Bucky…” You trail off, unable to find any words of gratitude at the moment.

“Yeah, doll?”

“Can we just… lay down? Maybe watch a movie?” You ask.

“Of course we can, honey. Anythin’ you want.” He smiles brightly again as your mood seems to lighten a bit. “Do you need a change of clothes?”

“Yes, please. If you don’t mind.” You can’t really bring yourself to look at him. You feel embarrassed that you’ve pulled him away from his own party. Although he constantly reassures you that he doesn’t mind, you’re still bashful.

“Here, honey,” he hands you the same garments from last night, “you look good in these.” He laughs, and you feel your cheeks turn bright red.

“I- I’ll be right back.” You give a tight smile and retreat to the bathroom.

While Bucky waits outside, he begins to get lost in his thoughts. He liked you. A lot. How did he get himself into this mess? He’s not stupid. He knows what he did to get here. And now it was looking really, really, stupid.

Unfortunately, there was no getting it out of it now, though. He could try and reason with the person he’d made a promise to, but he was stubborn. There was little to no chance he would be able to get out of this one.

But he thinks of it on the flip side. He’s been seen bringing you up to his room two nights in a row, and he knows how it makes both of you look.

For him, he looks like he’s keeping up with reputation.

Take a girl home.

Fuck her.

Leave it at that.

No one quite knew you on campus except for your friends, so they weren’t worried about you or who you were.

All that mattered was that Bucky Barnes was keeping up with his usual antics that were expected of him. There was nothing out of the ordinary for him, other than the fact that he wasn’t actually fucking you.

Bucky snaps out of his train of thought when he hears the bathroom door click open, his eyes meeting yours once again.

But his eyes quickly divert to your body, once again covered by his baggy clothing. You were watching his stare move down your body and felt a wave of insecurity wash over you.

You probably weren’t half as gorgeous as the girls he’s brought back here before. You knew what kind of girls guys like him preferred. Long, cascading hair, big, bright eyes, thin waists, legs that went on for what seemed like miles.

You just weren’t that.

It made you come back to the thoughts that had plagued your mind previously.

Where did Bucky’s interest in you come from?

Why was he suddenly feel the need to coddle you, take care of you, to reassure you?

Your concern was quickly washed away when Bucky settled in his bed, patting his spot next to him under the covers.

“You comin’?” He asks in a raspy, quiet voice that makes your knees wobble.

You don’t say anything while you situate yourself beside him.

“Bucky, can I ask you something?” You begin meekly, not making eye contact with him.

“Anythin’, doll. Somethin’ wrong?” He looks down at you in a worried gaze, and you shake your head.

“I just… what made you want to approach me? I- I know I’m not like those other girls you’ve been with before, and I can’t help but think that you… you want something else from me?” You explain with little ease. You feel bile rising in your throat as you speak because you can’t bear to think that Bucky really ulterior motives for all this time you’ve spent together.

You’ve only just met him, yet you feel like you’ve known him forever. You’re comfortable with him, more than you usually would be with a stranger, and it freaks you out.

“Y/N… can you look at me?” Bucky tilts his head down to try and meet your eyes, which is something you can barely do at the moment. “I want you to know, before this goes anywhere else; you are an amazing girl. I don’t know why it took me so long to talk to you, but I think you’re one the most genuine, kind, beautiful girls I’ve ever met. I… I know I have a reputation that precedes me, but you… you’re different.” He speaks so genuinely to you that you feel a slight sting behind your eyes.

“I… I never want you to doubt yourself ever again, doll. You’re perfect, just as you are. I’m sorry it looked like I was after anything else before.” Bucky finishes, and you can’t seem to find any words at the moment.

You just nod fervently, and then you feel yourself being pulled into Bucky’s large arms.

“Please, don’t let anyone make you doubt yourself again. You’re worth it.”

That night, you fall into the most comfortable and deep sleep of your life, wrapped safely in Bucky’s arms.

[beccascribbles]

omg I LOVEDDD your manager omegaverse fic, 100000/10 (also an atsumu simp so loved that for me) I was wondering if you could maybe do a similar one with Semi (he does not get enough love) whose mate goes into heat but goes to a different school and he goes to pick her up to take care of her with maybe a dash of harassment from a stranger and he goes sicko mode >< although I understand if this is too similar to the last prompt! anyways, love your writing sm

a/n - ahrgjfofh i’m glad you liked it!! honestly had so much fun writing it mainly because of how much i like the omegaverse dynamic (kind of one of my favourite things to read) and inarizaki. not too similar at all! hope you enjoy (and that you don’t mind i made her a manager for karasuno!)

warnings - harassment (unwanted touching)

Sometimes you were jealous of the couples you would see on your walk to school. While you acknowledged that your situation wasn't the worst (you still lived in the same prefecture), most of the time you felt your relationship was long-distance. It was rare to see Semi during the week, both of your after school times being taken up by volleyball, him as a player and you as a manager. There was the occasional late night meet up, though these were rare (and had not happened recently) as you often fell into a deep sleep as soon as your head touched the pillows on your bed. You looked down at your lock screen, a grin pulling at your lips as Semi's face stared back at you. He was leant against the foot of your bed, his guitar resting in his lap, a notebook open in front of him. The love in his eyes was clear, and it made your heart clench. You missed him, craved his scent, the feel of his arms wrapped around you, more desperately than you ever had before.

"y/n!" yelled a voice, snapping you from your thoughts. You turned to see Sugawara barrelling towards you, his bag hanging loosely from one shoulder. "Wait up. We can walk in together."

You stopped, allowing your friend to catch up. Sugawara grinned over at you, taking note of the distinct purple jacket you were wearing over your uniform. He gave you a playful nudge. “I’d take that off before Kageyama or Hinata see you. They’ll throw a fit, call you a traitor.”

In response, you simply shrugged, wrapping your arms around yourself and inhaling deeply. Semi’s scent was faint, almost non-existent. Sugawara’s scent was more prominent, making a small frown form on your face. It wasn’t that Sugawara didn’t smell nice. In fact, his scent was one of your favourites, calming you when Semi wasn’t present to do so. But Sugawara wasn’t Semi. He wasn’t your mate.

“Hey, earth to y/n!” yelled Sugawara, waving his hand in front of your face. This effectively snapped you from your thoughts, and you shot him a glare.

“What was that for?” you hissed, a low growl escaping from your lips. Looking rather sheepish at your sudden anger, Sugawara avoided your gaze, preferring to gaze at the approaching school gates. Briefly, he considered using his pheromones to soothe you, but something about your glare told him it wouldn’t be appreciated, that the only scent that could do anything was your mate’s.

“You were ignoring me,” he muttered, rubbing the back of his head, eyes frantically searching for a familiar face that might help diffuse the situation. He perked up, waving his arm in the air and calling out, “Daichi! Asahi! Shimizu!”

The group near the front of the school building stopped, turning around and raising their hands to acknowledge his greeting. Sugawara jogged forward, slinging his arm over Asahi’s shoulder. He murmured something to the group, likely a warning, and jerked his head in your direction. Kiyoko seemed to understand the fastest, being an omega herself, and headed towards you, her approach calm.

“Are you feeling okay, y/n?” she greeted, voice gentle and soothing. Her scent was also soft, washing over you pleasantly, easing your tension. You felt yourself relax, and a soft whimper escaped you.

“No,” you breathed, stepping forward and resting your head against her shoulder. Tears pooled in the corners of your eyes, threatening to spill as the longing for Semi hit you again. “I hate it. I just want to be near him. It’s so unfair.”

She reached up, giving your back a reassuring rub as she felt tears dampen her shirt. You let out a sob, your scent souring. A small hiccup escaped your lips and you sniffled, pulling away. Kiyoko held out a tissue for you, her next words a comfort. “Skip practice tonight. Go and see Semi. We can manage without you and I’ll tell you anything important that you miss. The coaches will understand.”

You nodded, a smile brightening your features as you wrapped your arms around her shoulders and pulled her into a tight hug. “Thank you, Kiyoko.”

Despite knowing you were going to see Semi later, the longing you felt, the desire for him, didn’t decrease. As the day dragged on, it got worse, your pheromones spiking at random intervals as if trying to call him to you. Your attempts to dampen your scent were increasingly weakening, to the point where a teacher asked you to meet them outside.

You rose from your desk shakily, legs wobbling. Beads of sweat formed at your forehead, and you swiped it away dismissively. You tugged at your collar, feeling suffocated. The teacher held the door open for you, giving you a concerned look before following you out into the hallway.

“l/n,” she began calmly, “when is your next heat cycle?”

Your eyebrows furrowed as you tried to recall the information. It had been a long time since the date had any significant meaning to you. You glanced at the teacher, quietly asking for permission to check your phone. She nodded in response, watching as your eyes widened and you breathed out a quiet, “Shit.”

The teacher’s assumption had been correct, and she could hardly berate you for swearing when the most important thing was to remove you to a safe place. She instructed, “I’ll go into the classroom and collect your things. Do you need my help to go to the medical room or will you be able to go there yourself?”

“It’s only down the hall so I should be fine,” you replied. Your heat had not fully started yet, your head still clear enough to enable you to make decisions, though you were slowly losing the ability to reign your scent in. It filled the hallway, causing the teacher’s nose to wrinkle. She quickly disappeared into the classroom, returning with your things.

“Call someone who can help you on your way there,” she commanded before stepping back into the classroom.

Hands shaking, you clicked on Semi’s contact, immediately pressing down on the call button. He was the only one you wanted to see now. Even if he was in class, you knew he would answer. He would understand it was an emergency. It was an unspoken rule to never call during the school day unless that was the case. The phone rang.

“y/n?” came Semi’s voice through the phone, rich and deep, “are you okay?”

“Eita...” you whimpered, leaning back against the wall, fingers convulsing around the phone. “Eita, I need you.”

“What happened?” he demanded. You sounded desperate, like the only thing you truly desired was him.

“I’m going into heat.”

He froze then, letting out a breath. It had slipped his mind that it was time for your next heat, evidently having slipped from yours too. Dread filled him at the thought of you, alone and defenceless. Anything could happen. His voice was tight when he spoke again. “Where are you? Please tell me you’re going somewhere safe.”

“I’m in the hallway,” you sighed. He let out a low growl at your words, not directed towards you but whoever might come across you. “I’m going to the medical room now.”

“Good,” he said. Through the phone, you could hear him running down the corridor. “I’ll see you there.”

The phone went silent, and you slumped against the wall, a pout on your face. He could have at least said goodbye. Hanging up so abruptly, though the meaning behind it was clear, still made you feel unwanted. The irrational part of your mind insisted that he didn’t want you, and you let out a pitiful whine, beginning to shuffle down the corridor. A tear dribbled down your cheek and you wiped it away angrily. The rational part of your brain knew you were being ridiculous, that Semi had hung up so abruptly to get to you quicker. You reached for the jacket you had folded up and placed in your bag, burying your face in the material and sucking in a deep breath. His scent was faint, but in your heightened state, it smelt more prominent than it had in weeks.

After a few more deep lungfuls of air, you began to shuffle down the corridor towards the medical room. A sudden pungent scent caused you to snap to attention, head jerking to the side as your eyes fell on a young alpha hovering in a doorway. Their body was tense, their gaze fixed on you. You froze under the attention, attempting fruitlessly to reign your scent back in. The alpha’s nostrils flared and they took a step forward, eyes shining with desire. Your whole body went tense, dread creeping up your spine. As you took a hurried step back, you felt your legs buckle, barely managing to catch yourself on the wall.

The alpha lunged forward, hands hitting the wall either side of your head as they leaned in, taking in a deep breath. They leaned forward, letting out a low growl as their nose traced the scent gland at your neck. You stayed still, breathing shallow, as their face buried into your neck, hoping that if you remained still they would lose interest. It was foolish of you to entertain this idea, knowing that the scent of an omega in heat was intoxicating, made weak and young alpha’s lose all sense of reason.

“Please,” you whimpered, hands going up to press against their chest, attempting to push them away from you. They simply growled, pushing closer to you, one hand bracing the wall while the other wrapped around your waist, fingers digging into skin. “Please let me go.”

It was pathetic, the way your heat made you weak. What was more pathetic was the way something as simple as an omega’s scent could make an alpha lose all sense of reason. As the alpha released their pheromones, the scent weakening you, making you dizzy, all you could do was whimper.

“Eita,” you whined, voice high-pitched and breathy. The desperation was clear in your voice, clearer by the way you weakly struggled against them. Your leg kicked out, landing a feeble strike to their shin. Still, they didn’t pull away. “Help me.”

It was those two words that filled Semi’s ears as he rounded the corner, slightly out of breath and panting from his run to Karasuno. The first thing that hit him was your scent, the second that of the alpha who had found you. He scanned the corridor for you, eyes immediately falling on your cowering figure. You pleaded helplessly with the alpha in front of you. The alpha wasn’t listening, ignoring the slight sourness to your scent, the wretched edge to your voice.

Semi’s lips curled upward, baring his teeth as a growl ripped from deep within him, the sound loud and threatening. His pheromones exploded outward, launching through the air and assaulting the younger alpha’s senses, causing them to release a choked groan. The other alpha’s head turned towards him, fighting against the more powerful alpha’s scent and growling in return.

“I found her first,” they declared. To punctuate their point, they placed a kiss to the scent gland in your neck, their teeth grazing the sensitive sink. You flinched away, fixing Semi with a helpless look, your whole body shaking with despair and disgust. Another alpha had dared to touch you in such an intimate way. The act was audacious, ignorant to the way you’d called for another alpha and the intimidating presence of that other alpha at the end of the hallway. It was this act that caused Semi to snap, his whole world focusing in on one point. It was the alpha in front of him.

He lunged forward, tackling them to the floor as his hands wrapped around the other alpha’s neck and his legs pinned the other alpha to the floor, keeping their arms trapped. He pressed his weight down on their wrists, a satisfied smirk overtaking his face at the slight cracking sound. As his hands tightened around their neck, the smirk widened, finding a sadistic delight in the choked grunt that escaped the young alpha’s mouth.

“Stay the fuck away from my mate,” he growled, shaking their limp body slightly. “You fucking piece of shit.”

Their mouth opened uselessly, attempting to speak even as they struggled to draw breath. Semi lifted their head up, slamming it back down on the floor with a loud thump. His voice was sharp as he spat, “Keep your fucking mouth shut. I don’t want to hear a word from your filthy mouth, you pathetic excuse for an alpha.”

He finally released the alpha, his hands imprinted on their neck in a ring of red. He stood up, leering over the alpha. “Get the fuck out of my sight.”

They scrambled upwards, taking off down the corridor, their scent reeking of the bitter tang of fear. Semi didn’t spare them another glance, immediately crossing the distance between you and pulling you into his arms, pressing your head to the scent gland in his neck as he brushed his wrist up and down your body. You pressed yourself firmer against him, arms wrapping around his slender waist to hold him tighter. He felt tears dampen his skin, letting out another low growl.

"Fucking piece of shit," he grumbled, holding you closer. His hands slid down to rest at the top of your thighs and the slight squeeze he gave them communicated what he intended. Semi lifted you up, your legs locking around his waist and arms around his neck. A distressed whine escaped your lips as you nuzzled in closer, taking comfort in his scent. "It's okay, y/n. I've got you."

He wanted to berate you, anything to ease the tension that still locked his muscles together. He couldn't do that to you though. While you should have been aware of your heat, it was also his responsibility as your alpha to be aware of this information. He could hardly scold you for what had happened in the corridor. That was the fault of that other alpha. The very thought of it made his blood boil, and he pressed his nose into your hair, drawing in another deep breath of your scent. It reassured him that you were there, that you were safe.

"Want to go home with you," you mumbled, hot breath tickling the sensitive skin of his neck. He knelt awkwardly, keeping his balance as he picked up your bag from the floor, slinging the strap over his shoulder.

"Okay," he soothed, voice gentle as he strengthened his own scent to stiffle your own, hoping to avoid attracting any other foolish alphas. "I'll take you home."

"Don't leave me, Eita," you whimpered. "Need you."

"I would never leave you," he said, brushing a gentle kiss to the top of your head, thumb rubbing calming circles into your thigh. A pleased purr rumbled through your body at his words, and a satsified smile took over Semi's expression. "We'll be home soon, okay?"

"Okay."

[helliontherapscallion]

Sweet and Sour (Adrenaline Junkie Part 14)

Part 1     Part 2     Part 3     Part 4     Part 5     Part 6     Part 7     Part 8     Part 9     Part 10     Part 11     Part 12     Part 13     Part 15     Part 16     Part 17

Spotify Playlist (collaborative)

Warnings: swearing, descriptions of blood, talks of hypothetically dying, bones/teeth 

Word Count: 2,392

(A/N): the next part is currently in the works and probably will be out by tomorrow/late at night tonight 

The days ticked closer and closer until you had only mere hours left until your scheduled departure for the cave. With each passing day, you became more anxious and paranoid, your prosthetic wing constantly malfunctioning until you programmed it to respond solely to your conscious movement and not the random twitching of your muscles. It took you a bit to get used to, but you quickly got the hang of it. It felt closer to having an actual wing on your back again, but not exactly. Nothing beat the feeling of the wind resisting against both wings at the same time. 

You doubted if Philza knew anything, but you did know that he suspected something. He knew you like the back of his hand and vice versa. You both knew each other all too well, he raised you and you spent most of your time with him growing up after all. 

Currently, you are obsessively reading over your will and the book you wrote for Arthur full of redstoning advice and what you’ve learned over the years. After rereading your letters to your family and your will, you decided that this is exactly how you wanted everything to turn out if you ended up not surviving this. Which, the chances of you actually surviving this was slim to none. 

However, you remained hopeful as there were several unknown variables in the equation. How big this thing was, its age, and most importantly what the cave currently looked like. It’s been multiple years and there might’ve been more erosion over the years altering the surface of the stone. From what you remembered, the ceilings were at least a hundred feet tall, so you had plenty of room to hover above it when needed. You had no clue if the ledge was still there, but if it was the being most definitely could snatch you up. You were going to have to be careful. Besides, you had a son you had to live for. You were going to get out of there alive. For Arthur. For Philza. For Wilbur. For Tommy. For Technoblade.

You reread your plans. Plan A consisted of you sneaking in (making sure this time to keep your wings close to your body), planting TNT, and setting it off with a lever as far away from the deepest part of the cave as you could. Plan B, if Plan A failed and the Warden noticed your presence, was to use the portable TNT launcher while flying as high as you could. If that failed, then you were kind of screwed. Plan C consisted of dropping everything and running for your life. You’d admit, they weren’t the most well thought out plans, but it was all you could think of.

You made sure your wing was secured on your back correctly with a full movement test before you slung your bag onto your back stocked full of redstone and TNT and put your portable TNT launcher into the holster on your hip. 

You took a deep breath and gathered your papers before you took one last look at your old workshop. You made sure to scrub it clean of redstone residue and re-sorted the blueprints so that everything was easier to find in the filing cabinets. You were sure that your… unique method of not sorting anything and just knowing where everything was would be very annoying to attempt to sort through. Even Arthur couldn’t figure out your sorting system and he was the smartest kid you knew. 

Oh Arthur… He was probably sleeping right now. Or at least you hoped he would be; it was midnight. With light footing, you walked up the stairs to the second floor and straight to Wilbur’s old room. Your little boy was sleeping peacefully burrowed underneath the covers. You could hear his soft snores exiting his mouth. 

You smiled lightly and walked over to him, sitting on the edge of the bed and pulling back the covers to see his face. His mouth was parted slightly with a small amount of drool coming out of the corner of his mouth. You reached out to stroke his curly copper hair and smiled wider at the sight of his nose scrunching slightly before he relaxed with a small smile on his face. You leaned down to place a lingering kiss on his forehead before you covered him back up again and started to quietly walk out of the room. 

“Ren?” That was what he started calling you after he gave you the magnets. It was short for ‘parent’. You froze and felt your body warm up at his sleepy tone. You turned around and watched as he rubbed at his eye with the back of his hand and yawned. “Hey Artie, go back to sleep buddy.” You walked over to him and gently pushed him back into the pillows. He nodded and grabbed your sleeve. 

“Can you get me a glass of water please?” He sounded so out of it. “Of course, buddy.” You grabbed your bag and slung it back over your shoulder. You quietly went downstairs and filled up a glass with water. You sat it on the counter and pulled out your papers and the hefty book you had written from your bag. You spread them all out on the dining room table where Philza was sure to see it in the morning. You hopefully should be back before the time he usually woke up so you could just grab them and trash them when you get back.

Before you got back to Arthur’s room, you shed your bag and TNT launcher by the front door. You didn’t know if he saw them before, but he definitely didn’t need to see them now. Inside, Arthur was propped up on his chin desperately fighting against sleep. You walked over to him and gave him his water, scolding him lightly when he didn’t fully sit up so he wouldn’t choke. When he was satisfied, he put the water on the nightstand and laid back down. He looked up at you with sleep dazed eyes, “where are you going?”

You froze and sat on his bed, “I’m not going anywhere, I’m right here.” He scrunched up his nose and stared at you in annoyance, “no you aren’t, you’re going somewhere.”

You stared at him before you sighed, “I’m just going… to get more redstone. I just need a bit more to finish what I’m working on. I won’t be gone for long, I promise.”

“Can- can you stay here? At least until I fall back asleep?”

“Of course, my little fledgling.”

He looked up at you timidly, “will you always be with me?”

You rubbed your hand up and down his arm soothingly, “I’ll never leave you. Even if I’m away, you’ll always have a piece of me with you,” you grabbed your feather he kept on his nightstand and handed it to him. It was one of your primary feathers you lost in one of your last molts in the house before you left for L’manberg that you found between your bed and your wall. It was an impressive size being about a foot long, but your wings have long since grown bigger alongside your body’s growth. You were about to throw it away one day after doing a deep clean of your old room, but the boy was amazed by the patterns and the size of the feather. So you, being the caring parent you were, gave it to him. Since then, you’ve found him on several instances holding the feather to his chest in his sleep. 

He took the feather and ran his fingers along the vane and stem. You could see him tearing up slightly, so you leaned down and pulled him into a tight hug. “I’ll always be with you, my little fledgling.” You pulled back after placing a kiss on his forehead and ran your fingers through his curly mop of hair soothingly. You softly sang the song Philza would hum to you as a kid and watched as he drifted off to sleep. 

“Love you Ren,” he slurred out before he was completely out. You softly smiled at his sleeping form, “I love you too, Artie. I love you too.” You sat there for a bit absorbing his every facial feature and felt pride and warmth erupt within you. Arthur Fox was your son, your pride and joy. He certainly had a bright future ahead of him. Sighing, you remembered the task ahead of you. You needed to leave soon. 

Reluctantly, you left the room and started to make your way downstairs. “Did he have a nightmare?” A sleepy quiet voice asked from behind you. You jumped and whipped around with your hand flying to the empty holster on your hip before you relaxed seeing Philza there. He looked like he just crawled out of bed, his blond hair stuck up in multiple places and his blue eyes hazy. 

You put a hand over your heart, “Ender Dad don’t do that, you scared the shit outta me. But yeah, he had a nightmare but he’s fine now.” He tiredly hummed, walking over to you and pulling you into an unexpected hug. “You’re a good parent for him. I’m so proud of you for adapting to the responsibility that adopting a kid takes.” You hugged him back tightly and wrapped your wings around him, careful of keeping the metal one barely pressed against him. You both stood there in the middle of the hallway enjoying each other’s presence before you heard him yawn and felt him pull back. You retracted your wings and stepped back. 

“Why’re you still dressed?” 

Shit, “oh, I was just finishing up something in my workshop.”

He deadpanned at you, “you know how I feel about you staying up this late, even if you’re an adult-”

“‘Even if I’m an adult it’s not healthy to constantly stay up this late’ I know, Dad. I’m almost done, I’ll be in bed in like half an hour tops.” He stared at you for a bit before he nodded and started to walk back to his room, “alright, I trust you. I’m going back to bed and I want you to do the same in a bit. Goodnight, (y/n). Love ya.”

“Love you too, Dad.” You waited until you heard the bed creak before you went back downstairs. You grabbed your stuff before you quietly opened the door and checked to see if there were any mobs around. Luckily for you, the nearest mob was only a single 

enderman. With that, you spread your wings and took off into the clear night sky. The weather was perfect for flying. It would’ve been a pleasant night flight if it weren’t for the current circumstances gnawing and nagging at you in the forefront of your mind.

You lowered yourself to the ground upon getting closer to the cave’s entrance and glided into it landing a ways into the cave to avoid any mobs. The ores around you were plentiful, the occasional glimmering of redstone cutting through the darkness. Old burnt out torches hung from the walls was the only indicator that there were previously other people in the cave prior to now. You could only imagine how Arthur looked at the ores with amazement and curiosity. 

As you ventured deeper, you could feel anxiety gripping at your chest and remembered how innocently and naively you craved exploration two and a half years ago. You shuddered as you wondered if the beast still had your feathers and bones scattered about. The torch in your hands sent flickering light onto the dark cave walls casting all sorts of shadows. You pushed onwards through the inky depths of the cave. Deeper yet deeper you walked placing torches wherever you went. 

Eventually, you arrived at the wide opening of the cave. From where you stood, the opening of the cave was massive making you feel miniscule. Even if you were to fully expand your wings to the side, your seven and a half foot wingspan still wouldn’t come close to touching the sides of the opening. The torch in your hand hardly cut through the abyss of the cave, so you made quick work of placing them around the area so you had a clear view of your surroundings. 

The cave was as you remembered it, but if you looked close enough, there were plenty of stalactites and stalagmites that weren’t there before. You could see faint dark brown stains on the walls and floors in scattered places, the stains of the miners that did not come back. The stench of rot, mildew, and decay emanated from deep parts of the cave, becoming almost unbearable in certain points where you couldn’t find anything out of place. Occasionally, you found cracked and broken shards of bone around some of the bloodstains. You even found a tooth and clumps of auburn hair. You shuddered as you remembered how Arthur told you that Hugh had dark ginger hair.

You have only found one of your feathers so far. It was trapped between a fissure in the wall. Crusted old blood decorated and clumped together some parts of the vane. You moved on to examine different parts of the cave. Sculk blocks littered the floor randomly, the tentacles calmly moving about. Soft squelching noises sounded from them; if you held your torch close to one of them, a soft shine could be seen. It was probably slimey. 

If you stopped to listen past the crackling of the fire, you couldn’t hear anything. Besides a slight squelching noise that you suspected was from the sculk blocks and the sound of water droplets dripping, there was nothing. Good, you still could place the TNT. Plan A: commence. 

You made quick work of placing sticks of dynamite between the nooks and crannies of rocks firmly and scattered the TNT along the vast expanse of the cave. Connecting the redstone was tricky though with the amount of TNT placed, but you eventually got everything connected to one and made work of making a trail to the outside. Just as you got started on trailing the redstone towards the mouth of the cave a few hundred feet away, the torches started to flicker. 

It’s here.

Series taglist (comment if you want to be added):

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General taglist (comment if you want to be added):

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[marjansmarwani]

like I was already brave enough to let go

7.2k || Chapter 1/2 || ao3

Enzo understands that leaving New York in the wake of everything is what's best for TK, but that doesn't make it any easier. Watching his stepson pack up all his broken pieces and move across the country hurts him in ways he can't describe, mostly due to the knowledge that there will be a distance between them that has never existed before. So he takes the time to check-in, to keep track of TK. To be there for him, no matter what.

He's just starting to wish that he had picked somewhere other than Austin, because he is quickly discovering he is not built for this level of stress.

After reading @futures-tense’s Enzo fic (that everyone should read, it is phenomenal) I couldn’t get thoughts of him and his relationship with TK out of my head, so naturally I wrote this. It fits into canon evetns and this is only chapter 1 of 2, because while I so have an outline for season 2 events, this was getting long so I figured I’d at least post what I had. 

Massive thanks to @silvarafael and @justaswampdemon for all their help and support with this, you’re both the best!

-----------------

He wasn’t sure what he had been expecting when TK opened his apartment door, but the sad shell of the boy Enzo had come to love as his own wasn’t it. 

Or maybe it was, but it hurt all the same. 

“Hey kid,” he said softly, stepping carefully around him and into the apartment. He looked around the small space, taking in all the boxes haphazardly labeled and partially packed. “So, it’s true. Your mom told me but I don’t think I believed her. Never thought I’d see the day TK Strand willingly left New York for Texas, of all places.” 

“Who says it’s willingly,” he said dully as he shut the door behind Enzo. 

Enzo turned and studied him more closely, taking in the downturned eyes and anxious fingers thumbing the seam of his hoodie pocket, “Do you not want to go? Because you can stay here. I’ll talk to your mom, you can stay with us if you…” 

But TK cut him off with a shake of his head, “No,” he said, “I think I need to do this. Dad’s right, I need a fresh start. I can’t...I don’t think I can be here anymore. When I think of staying here, I don’t see a way forward. I think if I stayed here I’d…” he trailed off, but Enzo felt a chill rush through him at the implication of what TK hadn’t said. He tried to meet his eyes but TK looked away, casting his gaze downward and away from Enzo’s sympathetic eyes. 

It hurt him more than he could say to see TK like this. For all his struggles he had always been a happy kid. He had always been someone who found the joy in life where he could and he had always worn his emotions on his sleeve, for better or worse. Seeing him like this and knowing what had happened hurt Enzo in ways he couldn’t fully describe because he didn’t know the right words. All he knew for sure is that this was not the TK he had known and loved for 16 years standing before him. This was a stranger; someone he had only seen once before during a time he had hoped to never revisit. 

He hadn’t asked what happened because he knew enough and he wasn’t about to make the kid revisit it just so he could fill in some blanks. He might not know everything but he knew enough to feel hot anger course through him at the thought of someone breaking that too big heart of his. TK had always been someone who loved fully and completely, and to see that thrown back in his face so spectacularly made Enzo—a typically steady and calm man — strongly consider homicide. 

He had every confidence that Gwyn could get him out of any charges too, but he pushed that thought aside to focus on the scene before him.  

“This isn’t your fault, TK.” 

TK turned away from him, absently picking up some books from the table and dropping them into one of the boxes. “I know I didn’t make Alex cheat,” he says eventually, “but the rest of it? That is completely on me Enzo, no one else.” 

He could sense that the kid had more to say so he let him go, watching from the doorway as he listlessly picked up other odds and ends from around his apartment, tossing them into boxes without any real care as to what the labels on the side said. He knew TK would speak up when he was ready and it was only a few more minutes before he did. 

“Eight years,” he finally said, his rough voice breaking the silence of the half-packed apartment. “Eight fucking years of sobriety, all gone. And that’s all on me. It doesn’t matter what Alex did, I’m the one who made the choice. I am the one who let him have that power over me and…” he broke off, meeting Enzo’s eyes for a moment before looking away and swallowing. “I do need to leave,” he said eventually. “I don’t trust myself to stay here anymore. I don’t know if I’d survive it.” 

Enzo could feel his heart breaking for the kid. He wasn’t a kid anymore — now 26 and an adult — but in Enzo’s eyes sometimes he was still the 10-year-old who met his eyes shyly when Gwyn first introduced them, the 14-year-old who had admitted to him in a terrified whisper that he thought he might like boys, the 19-year-old who had come to him because he wanted to enroll in the fire academy and didn’t know how his mother would take it. The feeling he had now was just like the feelings he had had then. This overwhelming love and desire to protect him from everything bad in the world; from anyone that ever told him he wasn’t enough. 

And just like he had then, he stepped forward, closing the space between them to pull him into a hug. He held him close, pressing his face into his chest and placing a kiss on the top of his head. “You’re making the smart choice then,” he said evenly. “And, as much as I’ll miss you, I’m proud of you for doing what you have to do. You’ve beat this once and you’ll beat it again, I have no doubt about that.” 

He knew he wasn’t imagining it when the body in his arms sagged in relief. It made him clutch him that much tighter as he spoke again, hoping what he was about to say was a given but needing to say it anyway:  “And I will always be here for you, no matter where you live. I’m always just a phone call away, you know that, right?”

TK’s voice was muffled by the material of Enzo’s sweater, but he could still hear the tears in it clear as day, “I do.” 

“Good,” Enzo replied firmly, releasing his grip on TK and stepping back so he could meet his eyes. “Because I will be calling to check-in, that is a promise.” 

---------------

Watching him leave was bittersweet, but he believed TK when he said it was something he needed to do. He took some solace in the fact that he wouldn’t be alone. Enzo and Owen Strand may have had their differences over the years (many, many differences) but if there was one thing Enzo had never doubted it was the other man’s love for his son. He knew that TK was in good hands, but that didn’t make it any easier. 

He got confirmation they had arrived in Austin in the form of a text that included a picture of a shop selling cowboy hats that simply said, “turns out people actually do where these here. Yes, it looks as ridiculous as it sounds.” It is followed by another two days later that noted the crimes Texas has committed against pizza and though Enzo was still filled with worry, he allowed himself to smile and take it as a sign that he was healing, be it ever so slightly. 

He gave it almost a week before he called. He wanted to hear TK’s voice; to have proof that he really was okay, but he also wanted to give him time. His patience was helped by the fact that Gwyn had spoken to her son but eventually, he decided that he needed to hear from him himself.  

TK answered by the third ring, sounding out of breath. He greeted him warmly, and Enzo could hear the commotion of construction in the background. He raised an eyebrow, “What, did you decide to leave the fire department and become a contractor when I wasn’t looking?” 

This pulled a laugh out of TK and Enzo took a moment to savor the familiar sound. It felt like far too long since he’s last heard it. 

“No. Dad decided we should re-do the firehouse, to give everyone a fresh start. I figured I might as well help out. Besides,” he added with a shrug Enzo could almost hear, “demolition is the far healthier method of coping with feelings, right?” 

“When done with permission,” Enzo quipped in response. “How are you doing kid, has the pizza chased you away yet?” 

TK scoffed, “No, but it was a close thing. Honestly, I really haven’t had that much time to dwell. I’ve been helping with the demo and construction, as well as the candidate interviews and paperwork. I haven’t really taken too much time to think about anything.” 

TK said it matter of factly and Enzo almost moved past it. But he knew TK better than most. “You don’t have to punish yourself, kid,” he told him gently. “All you need to do is heal.”

“I’m not punishing myself,” TK objected, “I’m just...trying to keep busy. To distract myself.” 

TK might very well think that, but Enzo was pretty sure it wasn’t true. But he was willing to move past it, for now. 

“Tell me about the new crew,” he said instead, and smiled as TK launched into stories about a daredevil from Miami and a possible psychic from Chicago. He seemed enthusiastic and Enzo didn’t realize how good it felt to hear that until he had. It was like there was a little bit of life back in his voice and though he knew TK still had a long way to go to make this better, he was relieved to see that he was at least on the way. 

------------

For a while, everything seemed to be going great. TK called and texted him from time to time, sharing anecdotes from calls and his new crew, and each time Enzo thinks he can hear just a little bit more of his old self returning to his voice. Sure he complains about one of them, for a while, but that too seems to sort itself out. 

He could tell there is someone new in his life too, even if TK is hedgy about it at best. But Enzo was the first one to know that TK was gay at 14; he knew how to spot the signs. 

“Why won’t you tell me about him?” he asked him one day, voice light and teasing as he stuffed his papers into his bag. “Is there something horribly wrong with him?”

“No,” TK countered emphatically, “there is nothing wrong with him. Absolutely nothing,” he added, almost an unconscious mutter Enzo was not entirely sure he was supposed to hear. 

“So if there is ‘absolutely nothing’ wrong with him, why aren't you going for it?” 

There was silence on the other end as Enzo slid his bag onto his shoulder, patiently waiting the younger man out. 

“You know why,” he eventually said, voice low and sad. Enzo grimaced at how pained his voice sounded and he dropped back into his desk chair with a sigh.

“TK…” he began, but the younger man cut him off firmly. 

“No, Enzo. I...I thought I could. I thought we could have something casual and that I could handle it. But then he wanted more and I hurt him. I don’t want to do that, he doesn’t deserve it. He’s too good to get dragged into my shitshow.” 

“Have you asked him what he wants?” Enzo asked gently. 

The bark of laughter TK gave at that was sharp and harsh, “Yeah, that should go well. Definitely won’t lead to me having to explain to this guy I’ve hooked up with a handful of times all the ways I’m fucked up right now.”

Enzo sighed again, leaning back in his chair, “It won’t always be like this, T. Someday you will be ready to try again, but only if you let yourself consider the possibility. Can you at least promise me that?”

There was silence for a long stretch and Enzo was about to ask him again when TK’s voice finally responded quietly, “Yes.” 

“Good,” Enzo responded firmly, “because no matter what happened, you still deserve happiness. And someday you’ll be ready to let it in again — maybe sooner than you think.” 

The sound of acknowledgment TK made sounded skeptical at best, but Enzo would take it. He knew he was right and he knew that someday TK would realize it too. Maybe even sooner than he thought. 

------------

It’s about a week later when Enzo’s phone rings, nearly making him jump as he is pulled abruptly from his stack of midterms. It took him a few moments of shuffling blue books to even locate his phone and when he did he frowned at both the time and the name displayed on the screen. 

“Hey kid,” he said lightly as he answered the phone, “what’s up?” 

He had hoped he was overreacting, that TK was just calling him late because he was on shift and had lost track of the time. He had hoped that maybe the universe was finally giving the kid a break. 

The despair and fear so clear in TK’s voice quickly prove him wrong.  

“Hey Enzo,” he said softly, “fuck, I know it’s late and I’m sorry to bother you, but I just really needed to talk to someone.” 

“You are never a bother,” Enzo told him firmly, capping his pen and setting it down on his desk. “What’s wrong?” 

“I…” TK began before stopping, taking a deep breath and trying again, “I don’t know for sure yet, but I know something is.”

And Enzo believed him. The fear in his voice is so raw Enzo could feel every ounce of it even from a timezone away. “I’m going to need more than that, kid,” he told him gently, leaning back in his chair as he waited TK out. 

“I found something,” TK said eventually, “that I definitely wasn’t supposed to find. And it means something awful. Something I don’t know if I can handle. But it also means he doesn’t trust me,” TK continued, “and somehow that almost feels worse.”

Enzo frowned, pondering all the non-specific details in his mind. He didn’t know all that much about his stepson’s life in Austin, but he knew enough to know that while he was close to his new crew, he wasn’t close enough to be this upset by an omission from one of them. That left him with two possibilities: the mysterious man he was not seeing, or Owen. 

And Enzo knew which option was more likely and it made his heart sink. TK might not be sharing but Ezno knew both the Strand men better than most. If there was something Owen felt strongly enough to keep from his son that TK was this upset about, it wasn’t good news.

“You don’t have to tell me what it is,” he said cautiously, “but is it something about your dad?” 

There was a deep, shuddering breath before TK responded, “Yeah.” 

And Enzo shut his eyes, the hurt and fear in TK’s voice telling him all he needed to know. 

“I don’t know what this is about,” he said eventually, “and you don’t have to tell me. But I do know you, and I know whatever it is you are going to want to be there for him, because that’s who you are. Let him know that, and the rest will follow from there.” 

There was silence again, but Enzo waited TK out. He was familiar with this rhythm; when something was bothering TK he often took his time to make sure he had the words right before he spoke. Over the years Enzo had learned to wait him out knowing that he would get to his point when he was ready.  

He did a few moments later, “I do want to be there for him,” TK agreed, “I just know why he didn’t tell me. He doesn’t think I can handle it — and he’s right,” TK confessed softly, “I don’t know if I can.” 

“You can,” Ezno assured him firmly, “you can do anything you set your mind to. You always have.” 

He let his words sink in for a moment before he added, “And I would talk to your dad before you make any assumptions. Let him know he can rely on you, let him know you want to be there.” 

“You make it sound so easy,” TK said dryly, and Enzo huffed a laugh. 

“In a way it is. It’s just words. It’s the actions behind them that are hard.” 

There was silence again before TK spoke, his voice so quiet Enzo almost missed his next words, “I’m scared.” 

“It’s okay to be scared,” Enzo reminded him, “sometimes fear is the appropriate response.” 

But even as he said it, he could feel his heart breaking. He didn’t know what was going on and while he was sure he would find out soon enough, he couldn’t help but hate whatever it was. TK deserved some time to find himself, to heal and simply exist. He didn’t understand why the universe kept throwing such curveballs at him, but he wished with every fiber of his being it would stop. 

“Sometimes it is,” TK agreed in a tone that made Enzo wonder even more what this was all about. But he didn’t ask; TK would tell him when he was ready. For now he would just be here for him. Sometimes that was all he could do. 

--------------

As much as Enzo couldn’t help but worry about the younger man, sometimes the updates were a sign that things were getting better for him, slowly but surely. 

One such time came as he and Gwyn were sitting on the couch together, Enzo making a case for watching Jeopardy with Gwyn adamantly refusing. 

“No,” she said again with a firm shake of her head, “it always ends the same way.” 

He shrugged, “I can’t help that you’re too competitive, or that I’m better at it then you are,” he added, giving her a sly grin. 

“We can’t all have PhDs in history,” she said wryly, “some of us need to work for a living.” 

He opened his mouth to fire back a retort but was interrupted by the ringing of his phone. “Saved by the bell,” he said instead with a shake of his head as he dug his phone out of his pocket. He frowned when he saw the familiar name on the screen and turned it so Gwyn could see. 

“Hey T,” he said cautiously as he answered, “everything good?” 

There was a lot of noise in the background but he could hear TK’s voice clearly as he answered, “Yeah, I just had a question for you. These people don’t believe me so I need your cred as a Columbia history professor to back me up.” 

Enzo raised an eyebrow at Gwyn, who had leaned closer to hear. She bit her lip against a laugh and he shook his head fondly, “I’ll do what I can. What’s the question?” 

“Hang on,” TK said, “I’m going to put you on speaker.” There was the sound of fumbling before the background noise grew louder and TK’s voice returned. “Okay guys,” he was saying, “this is my stepdad Enzo. He’s a history professor at Columbia and if you don’t believe me maybe you’ll believe him. You want to ask him the question, Paul?” 

“Man, you didn’t need to…” 

“No, this is a point of pride now.” TK objected indignantly and Enzo glanced at Gwyn to see that she had fully pressed a hand against her mouth to stop any laughter from slipping out and giving away her eavesdropping. “Ask him,” TK prompted and there was a sigh before a new voice joined the conversation. 

“Sir, we are so sorry to bother you. TK’s just being a sore loser.” 

“Paul, right?” Enzo asked and got a sound of confirmation in return, “You don’t have to tell me that, I helped raise him.” There was an indignant noise in the background, likely from TK, but Enzo ignored it. “What’s the question?” 

“Who invented the first movie camera?” 

“Louis Le Prince,” Enzo replied without hesitation, unable to suppress a chuckle at the sound of TK’s triumphant ha! In the background. “You guys thought it was Edison, didn’t you?”

“Well, yeah,” Paul admitted sheepishly and Enzo chuckled lightly.

“That’s understandable. Edison was the first person to mass market it and the first to get recognized for it, but Le Prince was actually the first. But he mysteriously disappeared in 1890, right before he was set to take a trip to the US to talk about his invention. So he never got a chance to market it.” 

There was silence for a moment before Paul spoke again, “So is there any proof Edison had him killed or…?” 

“No,” Enzo admitted, “but that is one of the theories for sure. Another is his brother did it over the family will. Either way, Edison was not the first.” 

“Huh,” Paul said thoughtfully, “that’s actually fascinating. Dude, I’m sorry for doubting you.” 

“It’s fine,” TK said evenly, “I am more than a pretty face you know.” 

There was a collective snort from the other end of the phone and Enzo glanced at Gwyn to roll his eyes. She shook her head fondly and he returned his attention to the call, “Any other burning history questions or was that it?” 

The background noise lessened as TK took the phone off speaker. “No, that’s it. Thanks, Enzo.” 

“Anytime kid,” he told him, “you know I love to flex my random history facts.” That got another laugh out of TK, but Enzo could still hear the background noise of a group in the background. The sounds of easy comradery set his mind at ease in a way not much else had since TK had left for Texas. “Why don’t you get back to your friends and I’ll talk to you soon.”

“Okay, thanks again.” 

“Don’t mention it. I love you kid.” 

“Love you too. Say hi to mom for me?” 

“You’ve got it.” 

With that the call was over and Enzo was left back in their silent living room, Gwyn looking at him with a soft smile. 

“He sounds happy,” she said after a moment, her voice warm but thick. He nodded. 

“He does. As much as I do hate to admit it, I think going to Austin may have the best thing for him.” 

“You just hate that Owen was right.” 

“And you don’t?” he asked her with a raised eyebrow. 

“Well that’s a given,” she quipped, leaning closer to him. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and squeezed them as she rested her head on her shoulder. “I’m just glad he’s doing better,” she said softly after a moment, “I’ve been so worried about him.” 

“Me too,” he admitted, pressing a kiss to the top of her hair. That sat in silence for a few more moments, each lost in their own thoughts before he spoke again. 

“So is that still a no to Jeopardy or…?”

She swatted at him and he grinned, ducking away from the light hit. Things seemed to have returned to their equilibrium, and that was a relief. 

He just hoped it stayed that way. 

-------------------

When he was wrested from sleep by the shrill sound of his phone ringing cutting through the late-night silence of his bedroom, Enzo groaned. He swore under his breath as he fumbled for the device, blinking the sleep out of his eyes as he did. But when he managed to grasp his phone and saw the name on the screen, all thoughts of annoyance fled his mind. Owen Strand calling him was rarely a good sign. Owen Strand calling him at 2 am promised nothing short of disaster. 

“Owen?” he said as he answered, skipping any and all attempts at pleasantries. “Is everything okay?”

He could afford to give the universe the benefit of the doubt, he decided; even if only for a moment. 

When Owen’s reply came it was in a voice Enzo didn’t recognize. It was shaky and uncertain in a way that the other man never was. 

“Enzo, hey. I’m sorry to bother you but Gwyn’s not answering her phone and…” he broke off with a shaky breath, “I really need to talk to her.” 

“She’s in Beijing,” Enzo replied, sitting up and switching on the lamp beside him. “And given the time difference, probably in a meeting.”

He heard Owen swear distantly before he felt fear rise up in him. Owen calling him at 2 in the morning looking for Gwyn and out of sorts only added up to one thing, but Enzo so hoped he was wrong. 

“Owen, did something happen to TK?” he forced himself to ask; the stress of not knowing was worse than anything else. 

He could hear Owen take another breath, deep and shaky and filled with something else Enzo couldn’t identify on a phone call from half a country away. 

“There was an...incident,” Owen said softly, voice still unsteady, “on our last call.”

Enzo’s mind was already spinning, stumbling from one horrible possibility from another. 

“There was a man with dementia who broke into his old house and a homeowner who had a cardiac event and TK broke down the door and….he was shot.” 

Enzo heard the words, he knew he did. But he couldn’t have. If he had heard them that would mean that TK had been shot and that was not something that could be true. His stepson was a firefighter. It was a profession that came with enough risks of its own. He had spent countless days worried and fearful at the thought of rescues gone wrong, of untamable flames and unstable buildings. Never once had he even entertained the thought of a bullet being a risk to watch out for. Bullets were supposed to be the problem of other people with other jobs — not his stepson, who already had so many dangers to face. 

But it was true. The fear and pain in Owen’s voice told him it was true. There was an edge of both hysteria and despair in his words and that more than anything scared Enzo more than he could say.

“Where?” was the first coherent thought he could form. 

“Just below his left shoulder” Owen repeated mechanically. “His...his lung collapsed before we were even out of the hallway. Enzo, he couldn’t breathe. He kept trying but he couldn’t and there was so much blood....” Owen trailed off and Enzo could hear the unmistakable sound of a sob in the background even as his own hands trembled and his eyes watered. 

“Is he…” he started, but he couldn’t make himself say the words. He couldn’t speak the awful possibility into existence. 

“He’s headed to surgery,” Owen replied. “I don’t know anything more than that, we only got here about 15 minutes ago. I just...I just hope it was fast enough.” 

There was silence then as the two men allowed the same fear to consume them from opposite ends of the country. Enzo felt a morbid camaraderie with the other man in that moment. In the 16 years they had known each other it was safe to say that they had never exactly gotten along. They had always been polite and cordial for the sake of Gwyn, TK, and family gatherings but they were too different in too many ways that mattered to ever truly be friends. They had only ever agreed on one thing, and now that was the thing that tied them together — loving TK.  

“You got him there as fast as you could Owen,” Enzo assured him without hesitation because there wasn’t a doubt in his mind that it wasn’t true. “You did everything you could. Any chance he has is because of you.” 

“I think the credit lays more with the paramedics,” Owen objected, “but I appreciate the effort all the same.” 

Enzo opened his mouth again, not quite sure what he was going to say but feeling the overwhelming need to say something, but he was interrupted before he got the chance to figure it out. 

There was a noise on the other end followed by the sound of shuffling as Owen attended to whatever it was. When his voice returned, it was tight. 

“That’s Gwyn on the other line, I’ve gotta take it. But listen, Enzo…”

But Enzo just shook his head, “Don’t worry about it Owen, talk to her. Just, keep me updated?” 

“Of course,” he replied without hesitation, “as soon as I know anything.” 

Then with another hurried goodbye, the call was over and Enzo was left in the dark and quiet bedroom, alone. It wasn’t long before the tears he had felt threatening began to fall in earnest as he wrapped his mind around this reality and allowed himself to dwell on it. There was a chance — a very real and terrifying chance — that they could lose TK. That Gwyn and Owen could lose the son they had brought into this world and loved for 26 years. That Enzo could lose one of the people he loved the most. The thought of TK not existing anymore was too horrible to dwell on. 

Enzo was a religious man. He had been raised by a small Jewish family in a large community and his faith had been something that he had always had. It had seen him through so much. But now, with this, he had to wonder. It didn’t make sense that TK — his wonderful, caring stepson who had dedicated his life to helping people — should have to suffer so much in such a short time on earth. It went against everything he had ever believed about putting good into the world. Why should TK — who had never done anything to hurt anyone — have to suffer so? Why should he? He didn’t want to know what life without TK looked like. 

More than anything, he hated that he might find out. 

When Gwyn called him a few minutes later he pushed his own tears aside. He murmured soft reassurances as she sobbed in a quiet corner of a Beijing office building, consumed with fear and grief a world away from her child who was slipping further and further from them with every passing moment. He gave her empty platitudes, reassured her the best he could. 

But all the while the fear was drilling a hole straight through his chest. This, he decided, was the worst fear he had ever felt. 

The worst part was there was nothing he could do but wait, and hope desperately for the best. 

----------------

The next several days were some of the longest of Enzo’s life. Each day he woke up and went about the day. Each day he kept his phone volume on, not wanting to miss any news either way. Each day an update came from Owen and each day it was the same: no change. 

He debated going out to Austin — he had been halfway through buying a ticket online half a dozen times — but each time he stopped himself. Logically he knew that being there wouldn’t change anything. He would still be waiting, he’d just be waiting there. He told himself he was needed here, that he couldn’t just pick up and go across the country with no warning. It was the end of the semester and he had students to help to finish the course or their dissertation. He told himself staying was the responsible option, but he knew that it was largely just a distraction. But he would take any distraction he could get and so he pushed the guilt of not being there to the side

He taught his classes, he went through the motions. He fielded calls from Gwyn, still stuck in China and frantic with worry. Each day he reassured her; reminded her that TK was strong, young, and healthy. Above all that, he reminded her, he was stubborn. No bullet or coma was going to take him from them before he was ready. 

Of course there was the private fear, the one he didn’t want to share, that he didn’t want to hang on anyone else. The one he was afraid to say out loud. 

It was the thought that maybe, after everything, that was exactly what he did want. That maybe this was an out and that maybe, he would take it. That maybe he didn’t want to be alive anymore. 

But that was a possibility too horrible to accept. Maybe it was selfish, but Enzo knew that even if that was the case, he wasn’t ready. He doubted he ever would be, but he certainly wasn’t now. He knew both Gwyn and Owen would agree. No time was a good time to lose your child — step or otherwise — but now, after this — after everything — was not the time. 

So he waited, and hoped. 

Time seemed to blend together and before he knew it one day had become two, which had stretched into four. Each moment passed the same way — tensely, with no news. 

He knew he had been distracted too — keeping his ringer on during class and checking in throughout his lectures and office hours. He had apologized to his classes after the second telemarketer had caused him to drop everything and lunge for his phone, citing a family emergency and word had slowly gotten around. Soon it wasn’t just him hoping for the best, but most of the Columbia history department as well. Their well wishes were touching, but nothing short of good news was going to make him feel any better. 

So when his phone did finally ring on a Thursday afternoon, 5 days after the fateful call, he picked it up with trepidation. The name on the screen sent his heart racing and he nearly dropped his phone in his haste to answer it. 

“Owen?” he asked tersely, “Any updates?”   

Because since that night they hadn’t spoken. All updates had come in the form of texts and the thought of Owen finally having something to tell him one way or the other simultaneously thrilled him and nearly froze him with fear. 

But it wasn’t Owen’s voice that answered. 

“Hey Enzo,” TK said, the sound of his voice rushing through Enzo’s body like a current of electricity. He sank back into his seat with a wobbly laugh, feeling nearly a week's worth of tension fall away as he listened to the miraculous sound of TK breathing on the other end of the phone. 

“Hey kid,” he said warmly. “You have no idea how good it is to hear your voice. How are you feeling?” 

“Okay,” he answered, “I really don’t feel too bad at all. A little sore, a little tired, but overall not bad.” 

“I hear getting shot will do that to you,” Enzo retorted drily before sighing and running a weary hand down his face. “You scared the shit out of me, TK,” he admitted. 

“Sorry,” TK replied softly, “I didn’t mean to worry anyone.” 

“It’s not your fault,” Enzo rushed to reassure him, “I know you didn’t ask for this to happen but...shit TK, I am not built for this. Do you think you could avoid getting shot in the future, for my sanity at the very least?” 

“I’ll try,” TK responded with a chuckle, “I don’t remember most of it but I don’t think it’s anything I want to revisit.”  

“No, I’d imagine not,” Enzo retorted wryly. They lapsed into a comfortable silence, each lost in their own thoughts and taking comfort from the presence of the other even if it was only over a phone call from half a country away. “So,” he finally said, leaning into normal conversation for the sake of normalcy, “is your dad driving you nuts yet?” 

“Yes,” TK responded emphatically, “he has been hovering non-stop, and he brought a date.” 

Enzo could hear indignant sputtering in the background and Owen muttering something about him not bringing a date, that his date had simply come to visit him to see how he was doing and, maybe because of all the fear and stress of the past week, Enzo could only laugh. 

“That sounds like your dad,” he retorted once he caught his breath, “and I wouldn’t count on that changing anytime soon.” 

“She seemed cool at least,” TK allowed, voice teasing, “I don’t know why he was trying to keep her a secret.”

“Excuse you,” Owen’s voice objected from the background, “I am not the one who had a hot cop sitting by my bedside. You don’t get to talk about keeping secrets.”

“Dad,” TK groaned and Enzo’s eyebrows shot up. 

“Oh, so the mystery man is a cop,” he teased, “and the plot thickens.” 

Now it was TK’s turn to splutter, “Nope, we are not doing this. That is more than enough from both of you,” he declared and Enzo could hear Owen chuckling at his son’s indignation from the background. It was a slice of normal that he had feared he’d never get again. To be sitting here hearing TK’s voice, teasing him about something so simple as the guy he had a crush on seemed like a miracle and Enzo was grateful for it.

Everything was normal again, at long last. 

----------------

Sometimes he thinks that turning on news alerts for Austin was the worst decision he had ever made. 

It seemed practical, at the time. An easy way to stay in the know, to have an idea of what kind of calls TK may have seen on any given day. But now he was frozen in the middle of the hallway after one of his classes staring at a notification about a solar storm that had blasted through Austin, leaving devastation in its wake; regretting every decision that led him to this point. 

He knew TK was still on medical leave. He knew that he should be home and resting after only being released from the hospital two days before. But he also knew his stepson and knew that whenever there was trouble, TK was usually not too far behind. 

It was with that thought in his mind that he stepped out out the middle of the hallway and leaned against the wall as he waited anxiously for the call to connect. The sound of a pleasant robotic voice informing him that his call could not be completed filled him with dread, but he forced himself to take a breath. It didn’t mean anything. The grid was likely overloaded right now; Enzo couldn’t say he knew for sure what kind of damage a solar storm could do but he was willing to guess that it wasn’t great for the electronic infrastructure. 

Left with no other options he went on about his day, the familiar anxiety he had only recently shed slipping back over him like a worn winter coat. He tried calling a few more times, trying to ignore how the dread in his gut grew each and every time the call didn’t go through. He resisted the urge to ask one of his science colleagues to explain the specifics of a solar storm; reasoning that dealing with his own uncertainty would be far kinder than having confirmed facts. At least this way, he decided, he could tell himself he was overreacting. 

It was far too many hours before his phone rang; an unfamiliar number appearing on his lock screen. He frowned at it but swiped to answer. He did list his cell number on all of his course syllabi, but for the most part his students stuck to his campus email, or — in desperate times — text. 

“Dr. Cohen,” he answered, mentally placing bets as to whether it was actually a student or a robot trying to inform him about the extended warranty of the car he didn’t own.

To his immense relief, it was neither. Instead, a familiar voice answered, sending a rush of relief through him at the sound, “Hey, Enzo, it’s me.” 

“TK,” he breathed, setting down the paper he had been reading and closing his eyes as he took a deep breath. “Are you okay?” 

“More or less,” he answered sheepishly and Enzo was about to push for more than that when he caught the distinct sound of a hospital intercom in the background. 

“Tyler Kennedy Strand, are you in the hospital again?” he demanded and he heard a weary sigh from the other end before a quiet “yeah” was muttered. 

“It’s not a big deal though,” TK rushed to explain, “I’m fine. I just pulled my stitches.” 

There was another voice in the background that Enzo didn’t recognize and could barely hear, but what he could hear made it clear that the other voice was not impressed either. 

“Well, what was I supposed to do?” TK demanded, and Enzo was not entirely sure who he was speaking to, “Let her drown in a burning bus?” 

“You just got out of the hospital!” Enzo objected when he could form words again, “What were you doing somewhere where there was a burning bus?!” 

“We just went out for boba,” TK retorted, “I didn’t expect there to be a solar storm that caused a bus accident.” 

And Enzo forced himself to take a deep breath because that was fair, he supposed. There was no way anyone could control anything like that. Still…

“The next time you move we’re going to need to do some research,” he declared. “Because if it is anywhere as chaotic as Austin, I’m going to have to object.” 

“I wouldn’t worry about that,” TK assured him, “I think I’ll be in Austin for a while.” 

There was a smile in his voice and Enzo somehow had the feeling he was intruding on something, even though TK had been the one to call him. 

“What number are you calling me from?” he asked, testing his theory. 

“I borrowed Carlos’s phone,” TK answered in a voice that said he knew what was coming and he hoped it would at least be quick. 

“Oh,” Enzo replied, “and Carlos wouldn’t happen to be the name of a certain ‘hot cop’ your father mentioned, aka the mystery man I have been trying to get you to tell me about for months?”

“Yes.”

“And when you say ‘we’ were trying to get boba…” 

“Enzo…”  

“And he wouldn’t happen to be with you right now, would he?” 

“Are you done?” TK demanded, and Enzo only laughed. 

“Not nearly, kid; I’m just getting started.” 

And despite TK’s muttering, Enzo could tell that he sounded happier than he had heard him sound in ages. He marveled at the fact that somehow, despite everything, TK had managed to find the happiness and peace he had hoped for him ever since he left New York all those months ago. Between the disasters he had managed to take his broken pieces and fit them back together, maybe even stronger than they had been before. 

It was all he had ever wanted for him, and he was relieved beyond belief that he had found it. 

“You know, this means I’m going to have to come down there soon,” he said instead, “I’ve got to meet this mystery man for myself.” 

He could practically hear TK rolling his eyes, but his voice was impossibly warm when he assured him, “You’ll like him, Enzo.” 

“Do you like him?” he asked.

“Yeah,” TK responded without a moment’s hesitation, “I do.” 

“Then I already do,” he assured him. 

If this Carlos had anything to do with the happiness he could finally hear returned to his stepson’s voice, he couldn’t do anything but. 

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 304: The Council of OFA

Previously on BnHA: Hawks and Best Jeanist were all, “what up Todofam, we are here to apply for the positions of ‘son #4’ and ‘weird uncle’, respectively,” and then proceeded to insert themselves into the family drama without waiting for an answer. Hawks briefed Endeavor on the nation’s current status of “totally fucked”, promised to help him sort that out, and then asked him about OFA. Endeavor was all, “oh do you mean One For All, the mysterious thing that my intern Deku was apparently being targeted for?” and then we cut away, presumably before Endeavor could clarify that it never occurred to him to follow up on that, and Hawks was all “no of course not, why would it occur to anyone other than me to follow up on any of this super weird and ominously important shit.” Anyway so meanwhile Bakugou was all “LET ME SCREAM AT DEKU UNTIL HE WAKES UP” and the other kids were all “NO”, and then the chapter ended with All Might being all “I wonder what the vestige!me is currently chatting with Deku about.”

Today on BnHA: Deku drops in on the Vestiges, who are all “sup Deku, how do you like our fancy chairs.” OFA II and III are all “if you need us we’ll just be standing here silently in the corner pretending to be invisible and sparking endless discourse with our mere existence.” OFA IV is all “and now I will explain to you in a very convoluted way that you being quirkless was actually a good thing, since it means that you are probably not going to suddenly drop dead at the age of twenty. But also you’re probably going to be the last user of OFA for that very same reason.” Deku is all “that is wild. I’m just gonna stand here and stare at my hand.” Nana is all “so now that that’s settled could you please do me a small favor and kill my grandson for me”, because having just one topic to discourse about this week WASN’T ENOUGH, apparently. Thanks so much Horikoshi.

(ETA: okay so just a note before I start, this week’s RHA translation was a huge mess, so I followed up this chapter by reading a couple of other translations. the main one I’m using for reference is the one by @hanashimas​, whose weekly posts I highly recommend. anyway so you’ll see a couple of ETAs in this post in places where the initial translation was off.)

how many layers of bandages did they wrap this poor kid’s fucking hand in omg

jesus Deku. are you holding onto a bouquet of flowers under that thing?? or a tennis racket??

omg yes, finally

is he reading these names off a teleprompter lol. and if so, what has Jeanist ever done to slight you, Deku? “god bless Kacchan and Aizawa-sensei and Todoroki-kun and everyone else in the whole wide world... except for Best Jeanist. fuck that guy.” actually this joke would be funnier if half of tumblr didn’t legit feel that way lol but anyway

OH MY GOD

I NEED TO HAVE A TALK TOO. ABOUT, OH, EVERYTHING

I got immediate KHR vibes from ALL OF THIS. this is seriously such a Vongola aesthetic. “let’s use the luxuriously cushioned chairs with the seat backs that are ten feet high, and arrange all of the handsome ghost people in a big circle” like come on

that said there are also some slight LoTR vibes as well. “bring forth the ring, Deku”

I like how Six is sitting there with his feet drawn up all casual, but with his arms inexplicably sticking STRAIGHT OUT IN FRONT OF HIM and dangling over his knees like he’s doing some sort of zombie walk

apparently the Fourth wasn’t a big fan of shoes huh

interesting that All Might is the only one who’s still faint/indistinct, and and that Two and Three are fully visible

(ETA: the rest of my speculation about Two and Three has been moved into a separate post, the better to focus on the shit that’s actually happening in this chapter lol.)

and lastly, interesting that all of them are talking now, except for All Might (and I guess the Second and Third as well). to the best of my knowledge Deku hasn’t unlocked the Sixth’s quirk yet, so I guess the quirks don’t really have anything to do with it

oh and it looks like Deku’s mouth is still covered. I guess that’s convenient for the vestiges since we all know it’s hard to stop Deku once he gets going. but on the other hand it’s very inconvenient for people like me who wanted to see some interaction. alas

so First says that OFA’s power has grown a lot in the last four months (i.e. since Deku unlocked Blackwhip), and now the vestiges can communicate with each other as well as Deku

so even when Deku’s not around they can all just chill with each other. this is such a weird thing to me lol. like it’s cool, don’t get me wrong, but it’s also strange as hell to know that you’ve got eight other people hanging out in your head spying on everything you do and having conversations with each other about it. it would be like if Dark Shadow had someone to hang out with other than Tokoyami. good thing you weren’t triplets, Tokoyami

First says that it’s become easier for the vestiges to interact with Deku ever since TomurAFO barged into the OFA Domain back at Jakku. huh

(ETA: apparently this is because AFO forcibly pulled out OFA’s power when he was trying to steal the quirk, so I guess that makes sense.)

okay thank you Banjou for addressing this concern which I initially brought up as a joke, but which was apparently real enough for you to reassure Deku about

“don’t worry, even though we’re awake and hanging out inside of you at all times, we’re definitely not secretly watching and making fun of every single thing you do” hmmmmm

(ETA: “not that you could do anything about it even if we were, since you’re probably going to be the last OFA holder ever!” I don’t trust anything this asshole says lmao.)

OH SHIT??

YESSS DEKU now you can hold them accountable for all of their bullshit! because I do not doubt that there will be bullshit lol but let’s see how that goes

oh damn

well okay then. you didn’t have to stand up and walk over to him and loom all threateningly like that but okay sir

this guy has kind of a Kimimaro vibe to him. remember? that bone-growing guy from Naruto? except I’m pretty sure he had eyebrows. and wasn’t twenty feet tall. speaking of which, that explains the chairs

why are you wearing only 3/5ths of a shirt

lol what

someone’s gonna have to explain this to me. is he just redundant or something lol, or is he strangely poetical or what

(ETA: apparently HE’S MAKING A PUN omg. I immediately gained +10 love for him lol. also it flows a lot better in Japanese. this is one of the things Caleb is usually good at, so we’ll see what he does with the wordplay.)

omg the hermit theory is true!!

“I’M NOT WEIRD, IT’S SOCIETY WHICH IS WEIRD.” lol whatever you say buddy. also love how Banjou tried to give him a big hearty slap on the back but Hermit Boy was not having it lmao

IS HE TRYING TO CAPTURE HIM WITH BLACKWHIP

AND ACTUALLY, NO, SIR, AS A MATTER OF FACT, WE ARE NOT AWARE. SO SPILL!!

?!!?

okay my first response was LOL ARE YOU SERIOUS, THAT’S THE BIG SECRET!? -- and then it hit me what the significance of “died from old age... AT AGE FORTY” meant. at which point it was like “!!!!!” and then “OH, SHIT”

(ETA: there’s also an Iida joke here somewhere but I’m just too tired to make it.)

oh my god oh my god

did he somehow get a copy of the coroner’s report or something? like how does he even know that he died from “old age” as opposed to any number of other natural causes? ??

but anyway. so this is the quirk singularity coming into play then I guess. but then how come All Might is still alive and ticking?

(ETA: so this is one example of where this week’s translation is a mess lol. apparently the Fourth explains here that he didn’t know what the fuck he died from until All Might researched it. and it turns out there actually was an autopsy lol so there you go.)

so Fourth says he held OFA for eighteen years, and since he knew he would never be strong enough to defeat AFO on his own he basically just spent all his time punching rocks in the woods and training to power the quirk up

oh shit

is he implying that his body literally fell apart?? like that’s how he got the scars on his face? -- IS THAT WHAT KEEPS HAPPENING TO TOMURA, THEN. oh shit

DUDE

so you’re telling me that this quirk actively shortens the lifespan of anyone who uses it?? and my little boy here has had it now for a year already?? fuck me, I have immediately have a TON of thoughts about all this but let me save it until he’s done with his explanation

THANK YOU, DEKU

right?? how come All Might didn’t die then. even after he got injured. please don’t tell me he actually is dying still and is just being slow about it because I SWEAR TO GOD

what does this mean??

so what you’re trying to say is you all have NO FUCKING IDEA how long Deku’s gonna be able to hold this quirk before he SUDDENLY DROPS DEAD?! five generations ago this dude was able to hold it for eighteen years, and then four generations later All Might was able to hold it for thirty-odd years or so, and now Deku has it and you all have no clue which way it’s gonna go? actually this makes it sound like it really wasn’t OFA that killed the Fourth at all and you guys are just really bad at forming hypotheses. but since you’re making a big plot point out of it I guess it must be true

and don’t think I didn’t notice the part where you said you didn’t have OFA very long and then “died while fighting”, Firsto. I want to hear more about that. specifically who you passed the quirk onto before your death

and yes, if we are agreeing that OFA was the cause of the Fourth’s death, then the conclusion on this next page is the natural one to draw

so that’s a bit of a relief then, because Deku is quirkless too. so it means he won’t be able to hold OFA forever (and will probably have to find another quirkless person to pass it on to), but at least he won’t be randomly dying out of the blue next Tuesday or something

oh my god now he’s talking about OFA and AFO and user consciousnesses and all sorts of good theory stuff but it’s so much exposition. you’re really gonna make me read all this lol

wait what. why would All Might being quirkless have anything to do with the presence of his vestige in OFA Outer Space Party Land

but Deku is also quirkless and he’s clearly visible and chatting with you guys. so what gives. like how much of this is verified fact and how much of it is you guys just shrugging and making stuff up lol

SERIOUSLY, GUYS

BUT DEKU IS ALSO -- you know what, never mind sob. none of this shit makes any sense but whatever

(ETA: seriously, this all seems like an awful lot of speculation on their part. for Deku’s sake I sure hope they’re right.)

FSSKDJFLSKLKJLKJL ALL MIGHT IS FIFTY-FIVE?!

lol that’s a full ten years past my closest estimate, wow. but this pretty much confirms his age now at last! or at least confirms it within a couple of years, because we know All Might and Nana met when he was in middle school, and he presumably had the quirk by the time he took the U.A. entrance exam. so yeah. gonna go with fifty-five

so they think that because All Might was quirkless, OFA was better able to adapt to his body and became his true quirk, as opposed to being an extra quirk that stacked on top of the one he already had and overwhelmed him. ties in back to the whole “AFO used to bend people to his will by forcing quirks on them” thing, as well as the “Noumus are all mindless because of the strain of having multiple quirks”

Two and Three are really ruining the serious vibe of this scene here lol

they look like they’re doing the counting for hide and seek

and is this Deku talking now? I was about to get mad at First for implying that quirkless people are somehow freaks, as opposed to “normal” people jdslk

so in other words, don’t go giving it to your best friend all casually for shits and giggles, Deku. even if it would make a really cool climax for a movie. well shit. maybe that’s why they were so quick to nope back into Deku’s body afterward

so First says that because quirkless people are becoming rarer and rarer, the fact that All Might just happened to stumble upon Deku is “nothing short of a miracle.” which, yeah, that was definitely a stroke of luck there. being quirkless saved his life. but being quirkless is also part of why he was chosen in the first place, and we’ve always known that much

“in other words, kiddo...”

looks like there was some hurried clone stamp usage going on here lol. but props to RHA as always for putting this scan out so fast, especially given how exposition-heavy this week’s chapter has been

“anyways, that was the main topic” ARE YOU SERIOUS. there are like ten other topics imma need you all to get to here, people

(ETA: seems like this is a mistranslation; the line should actually read something more along the lines of “and now for the main topic.”)

FFFFFFFFF

“ENJOY YOUR CLIFFHANGER THIS WEEK.” dskfalkjlkjwlgkjl you really went and dumped this discourse on us yet again. fucking...

(ETA: forgot to mention, but as several people mentioned, this seems to be another mistranslation -- rather than asking Deku to kill Tomura as though it’s doing her a personal favor, Nana is asking “will you be able to do it.” in other words more of an “are you capable of doing it” type of thing. which is a very reasonable question to ask given that Deku is, well, Deku.)

anyways, and the answer is obviously going to be “no” of course. this isn’t going to end any differently than when the previous Avatars all told Aang to kill Ozai. but I guess it means we’re in for a fun conversation next week

so Nana looks pretty grim here though (nothing at all like the person who once taught All Might the importance of saving people with a smile), and I’m wondering if this means she believes that her grandson is already beyond saving. as in killing him would be a mercy, as opposed to him continuing to live with AFO bending his mind and body to his will. except if that is the case, I think she’s underestimating Tomura’s own will. and definitely underestimating Deku’s will to save

and also, just... I’m so fucking sick of AFO screwing the Shimura family over, honestly. this is exactly what he wanted. well fuck you, guy. you don’t get to have what you want. go out there and save Tomura, Deku. for his sake and for Nana’s. give them some hope. do your thing, boy. can’t wait for your big speech all about it next chapter lol