#nicola writes things

[shinysobi]

"it was awkward to see colin flirt and behave like a rake" "he gave me the ick" yes ! that is the fucking point!! congratulations! you have the media literacy skills of a fucking monkey because my 4-year old niece could understand it better than you do.

we are supposed to find colin cringey and annoying and get the ick because that is not who he is. he is not anthony, or simon, or even benedict. colin (apart from gregory) is the sweetest of all bridgerton brothers (i'm going by book canon) and his most identifiable character trait is the fact that he values an emotional connection above everything. he runs away to the continent because he wants to feel that emotional connection. he has meaningless sex in brothels because that is the example he has seen growing up, that is the norm. he tries so hard to fit into the norm. he goes out drinking, adopts an entirely new personality, learns flirtations because that is how he thinks he will fit in. he's got armour on, as violet said. he puts everyone's needs above his own, he stops rambling on and boring his family with details of his trip because he knows no one cares. he doesn't talk to anthony or benedict about his heartaches because he knows they still, somewhere in their heart of hearts, view him as the annoying younger brother. he's so devastated by his closest friend not responding to him that he adopts a new personality in the hopes that it might mask the hurt better. he runs after penelope in episode one because he is so attuned to her emotions that he knows she's hurting, and tries to comfort her even when she's spiraling and lashes out. he must have been hurt by her words in the "good night mr bridgerton" scene but he puts it aside to genuinely apologise to her when literally no one else in that family would do that. colin, instead of brooding over his own feelings, goes and corners penelope in her family's garden and apologises to her, disregarding his own hurt at being cruelly dismissed by his close friend.

penelope asking colin to kiss her is not a mark of how "pathetic" she is. she has written and shamed herself in a manner that is almost entirely unsalvageable. she is at her lowest point, and then portia comes in and reminds her of how undesirable she is, and she sinks even lower. she asks colin to kiss her because she sees it as a final act, after which she can quietly wave goodbye to her dreams of ever getting married and leaving her mother's home. colin kisses her because he is also keenly aware of how she's feeling. he knows how hurt she is, he wants to do anything to alleviate that. be it cracking a joke, or kissing her. he is gentle, because he wants it to be something she can dream of when she's by herself. penelope, at this moment, has no hope for herself, and their kiss is an act of letting go for her. no, it's not a pity kiss, no he did not like her after her glow up, he has always loved her. him being struck dumb is a reaction to her physical transformation, nothing more. he does not flirt with her in that ballroom scene, he only approaches her when she's in distress. he's not flirting with her. i can assure you penelope could wear the frumpiest most neon yellow gown of all time and colin would still go "<333 my pen" for her.

colin jumps to catch the balloon's ropes because he sees that penelope is in danger, he does not give a shit about anyone else lmao. he feels temporary relief when he sees eloise run to safety, but the moment he sees penelope in immediate danger, he rushes to take action. afterwards, when he sees that she's being comforted by debling (all my homies hate debling, even if he is aro/ace coded i do NOT claim him) he does not approach her. it would be easy for him to do so, but he does not, because he respects her boundaries. colin bridgerton is the only man in the ton who respects women (the featherington sons-in-laws are too pretty to have a thought) he calls out fife and his friends for treating women like objects and calls them cavalier. the only way he would have been more explicit about his demisexuality was if he tap danced on the club table (entertaining thought, luke newton please)

colin also rapidly takes action, something which no one in the show has done so far. simon would have died instead of accepting his feelings for daphne, daphne would have been content with a loveless marriage forever instead of asking for help. kate would have pushed edwina down the aisle and gone off to india instead of confronting her own feelings, and anthony would have married edwina if she hadn't been brave enough for the three of them to run from the altar and ruin herself. penelope stood on the sidelines for years and loved him quietly because she had no hope of him loving her back. colin, the moment he is assured of his feelings, runs to penelope, almost kisses her in the middle of a ballroom. when he hears that debling is about to propose, he goes to the ball, just to dissuade penelope one more time. he cuts into their dance because he's desperate. when he runs after her carriage, he asks her if she has been proposed to, because he would not have touched her otherwise. he confesses his feelings to her only when he knows that she hasn't gotten engaged to debling, and when she says "but we are friends" he moves away. nothing more. he would have let her go, if she did not return his feelings.

idk whether i should be flattered or offended at people misunderstanding this season because on one hand it is offensive, but on the other hand, it means only smart people get polin. seriously. your minds have been rotted by insta-love and enemies to lovers that you can't even appreciate the innate beauty of friends to lovers. being friends with someone and then holding all those feelings for them. the trepidation of possible rejection. the fulfillment of being loved by the person who knows you the best of them all. the privilege of loving someone whose feelings you know better than your own. love is gentle and kind and yes it is a violent, uprooting force but above all, love does not hurt anyone. it does not hurt you. i could love someone quietly for years and it wouldn't bother me if their feelings were requited or not because my feelings are none of their business and i consider it a privilege to love and be loved by them, even if it is not in the way i would want it to be. polin are privileged in the highest sense. they know each other better than anyone else, they know how to love each other better than anyone else. to think they are rushed or they dont deserve each other is a disservice to both of them. they would be miserable with anyone else.

in other matters, if i see one more person talking smack about luke or nicola behind the safety of their screens i will personally get a bazooka.

[doctormastertardis]

Excuse you, this panel has all THREE "most unpopular" Doctors... and I just wanna ask WHO PUT THIS TOGETHER?

Eccleston, I love you bro. Your brutal honesty will always be my favorite aspect about you. And Colin Baker seems like such a lovely uncle hehe... and PAUL MCGANN MY MAN IS LOOKING GOOD AND SEXY ASS VOICE AS USUAL UGH

Nicola is so pretty I wish she would have come back during Matt Smith's tenure. Has she ever had an audio story or novel with the Eighth Doctor? I feel that they may have chemistry.

[somedayillbepeterpan]

I cannot get over this parallel. I keep thinking about it.

Here is our favourite willow tree scene:

My two dorks, greeting each other awkwardly the day after sharing their first kiss. Seeing each other is a shock to their system, obviously. The whole scene is the funniest out of all the Polin scenes. It's painfully awkward. And it's because we know the mental state they are both in-- Pen trying to truly move on from Colin, and Colin realising and getting hit with his feelings like a ton of bricks.

Both of them unable to tell what they really want to say to each other and Pen asking Colin that they put a distance from each other. He agrees and tries to walk off first but Pen is the one that walks away from him and he's left trying to pick up the pieces of his confounding feelings.

Now we go to this scene:

(I'm getting teary eyed just from typing this)

My two adorable dorks greeting each other after finally forming a plan together (instead of Colin trying to save the day). We know Colin is basically glowing in pride and Pen is coming out of an adrenaline rush. But they are again painfully and awkwardly greeting each other but this time, the weight of it is so different. At this point, we know that Colin told Pen that he doesn't know why he can't be physical with her and it's Pen that reaches out to him to let him know that all she needed from him is him and nothing else.

Most of their cards are now laid on the table. Then Pen tells Colin about the annulment. Pen, even though she knows that this is not something that she wants, gives Colin an out, distancing him from her perceived consequences of LW. And then we see Colin's face, looking like he'd rather kill himself rather than be apart from her. We see him embracing the full extent of his feelings, from his love for Pen, accepting Whistledown, and fully seeing that the woman he loves is just who he's always thought she is-- clever, warm, brave, and someone who accepts him just as who he is.

In contrast to the willow scene where they walk away from each other, they hold each other hand in hand and dances on the demise of Whistledown.

Damn poetic cinema.

[struniolos]

lovesick.

“in a world of boys, he’s a gentleman.”

nick sturniolo x masc! reader.

synopsis: the one time you and your boyfriend decided to go all the way. (this is very awkward and soft, so if you were expecting something filthy, i’m sorry!)

warnings: smut! minors do not interact.

based on this request! also dedicated to @sturnmad who inspired me to write nick!! xx

your lips danced in tandem with nicks, as you desperately clutched at each other in the darkness of your car. clinging to his shirt, his hair. nick was leaned over the centre console to reach you, as you sat in the drivers seat. it was in the early hours of the morning now, 1am when you last checked. you were pulled up in front of his apartment building, ready to say your goodbyes, but it had quickly turned into one of your regular hot and heavy make-out sessions.

“mmph! i have to go!” nick protested against your lips, pulling away from you. he looked gorgeous, his blue eyes glistening and reflecting the lights from your car’s interior lights.

“not yet.” you begged, looking at him through lidded eyes and pulling his plush lips in for another kiss.

nick sighed into your mouth, letting your mouths dance once more. you could feel the blood rushing to your crotch, your boxers suddenly becoming all the more tight. you palmed nick through his jeans, which earned a pained moan from him, but also a slap on your arm.

“matt and chris are going to be wondering where the fuck i am!” nick continued to argue, but you didn’t care. you grabbed the nape of his neck and pulled him into you again, continuing to to squeeze his bulge. nick pulled away from you though, his cheeks flushed and hair slightly mussed.

“you’re insane.” he tells you, pulling away and trying to hide his smirk by crossing his arms and looking out the window.

“you’re worse.” you counter, watching his cheeks dimple as he turns back to face you.

“fuck you.” nick chuckles in defeat, biting his cheek.

“i want you to.” you whisper mischievously, leaning back into your seat and widening your legs, releasing the strain. you loved the way nick was so expressive, how you could say things that you knew would set him off and wait for his reaction.

“you’re not ready.” he told you, his smile now fading. “besides, i don’t even know what the fuck i’m doing so how am i supposed to teach you?”

“i’ve been with other guys, nick.” you sigh, rolling your eyes.

“yeah but not…” he waves his hands, widening his eyes. “you know, like, fully.”

“i’m ready nick, i’ve been telling you for weeks. i want to do this with you.” you push, the humour that was once in the air no longer present. it was silent for a while, as you watched nicks mind churn.

eventually, he spoke up. “well, if we do, i’m not doing it in your car in front of my house.”

you laughed, rolling your eyes. the quiet hum of your car engine caught your attention in the silence, which made you notice that you were in fact still sitting outside his apartment.

you rubbed his thigh, looking at him with a pout. “well, are you going to invite me in, nicolas?”

he looks at you, his foot tapping as he thought. he looked out the window, then back at you, sighing.

“fine.” he said, as if it was a warning. yet, he still had a devilish smirk plastered on his face.

the apartment was dead silent once nick had snuck you in, all of the lights were off and the only noise was the faint hum of the washing machine softly tumbling in the background. you were happy his brothers were asleep- as the last time you had come in while they were home, you were caught in an onslaught of questions. this time, there were no questions asked. you and nick could just be.

you were lead up two flights of stairs in order to finally arrive at nicks room, which every time seemed to knock the wind out of you. once he lead you inside, locking the door behind him, you found your breath again. he was only a touch taller than you, your nose just at his lips. he held your waist, looking at you with somber eyes.

“i’m sorry if i don’t…if i’m not very good. i don’t really know what i’m doing.” he confesses, “i guess that’s why i’ve been stalling for so long.”

“all that matters is that i trust you.” you tell him, cupping his cheeks in your palms. you get a little giddy at the fact they’re so warm.

you both make your way to his bed, collapsing onto his plush assortment of pillows as you continue to kiss passionately. you sling a leg over him, grinding your hardness onto his thigh. nick grabs your hips, assisting your movements. you couldn’t get enough of him, inhaling his scent, biting at his lips, rubbing your body up against his broader frame.

nick broke his lips apart from yours, looking into your eyes. “are we really doing this?”

“yes, i love you. i want to do this with you.” you tell him earnestly, spilling your heart out into the open air.

“i love you too.” he reassures you. “we’ll just…we’ll try. if it doesn’t work out, we can try again another time.”

you smile at this, his words of affirmation something you found extreme comfort in. you both began to slowly undress each other, his hands never left you- jabbing his finger into your hip, tickling you, running a hand up your chest. once you were both only in your underwear, the sheets slightly mussed from all of the shimmying and moving around, nick hovered above you. the only light source was his bedside lamp, which illuminated a condom and a bottle of lube, which made your stomach drop. this was really happening.

nick bit his lip, eyeing your body. he palmed your bulge, eliciting a pathetic moan from you. “this okay?”

“always.” you hum, as he pulls your jocks down.

you throw your head back against the pillows, as nick begins lazily stroking your throbbing length. he licked a stripe up the underside, and your mind went fuzzy, your only thoughts being nick, nick, nick. he took you in his mouth, his cheeks hollowing as he sucked, something you would never get tired of. you ran a hand through his blonde locks, the dark roots showing as you tugged.

he took his mouth off you with a pop, laying his hands on your thighs. “i’m going to try something, but you have to tell me if it’s too much, okay?”

you nodded eagerly, as you watched a tattooed arm come over you to reach for the lube. he put some on his fingers, smoothing it over your hole. this caused your body to jump a little by the intrusion, but you definitely didn’t mind the sensation. you ran your hands down his biceps, as you admired him.

his eyes flicked up to yours, a knowing grin on his face as he slowly inserted a finger. you gasped, moaning at the stretch. it didn’t matter how many times you had danced this dance, it would always end up with you a panting, desperate mess- but that’s where it would end. it would never go beyond this, and your mind buzzed imagining what would come next.

once he could tell you were comfortable, nick began to stroke your cock as he pumped his finger into you. you groaned, your breathing heavy and laboured. it was too much, your body beginning to coat itself in sweat.

“i’m not going to last long, fuck!” you moaned, your stomach flexing as your hips began to jerk.

“i have to get you ready.” nick protested, his finger deep inside you.

“i am ready! just hurry up and fuck me.” you scolded, the desperation leaking from within you.

nick rolled his eyes, slowly pulling his finger out and stopping his strokes on your cock. “so impatient.”

you grabbed his face as he crawled up to hover over you once more, crashing your lips together. you didn’t waste any time, reaching down his boxers to begin stroking his solid, leaking cock. he moaned hotly into your mouth, a string of saliva between you. nick was big, not ridiculously- but it was the girth that scared you. you knew it would be a tight stretch, but your brain was so fogged with lust you didn’t care.

“i’m going to be really, really slow. i wont lie to you, it hurts like a bitch the first few times.” nick told you, looking into your eyes sternly.

you raised an eyebrow. “the first few?”

“mhm.” he hummed, “so you need to tell me if it’s too unbearable.”

you nod, desperately just wanting him inside of you, your cock leaking and your heart thudding in your throat. he reached over to the bedside table, grabbing the condom and ripping it open with his teeth. you were completely enamoured with him, his broad shoulders, the veins in his arms as he rolled it onto himself, his hair falling over his eyes, his wet lips. it was all so painfully erotic.

he motioned you to roll over to your stomach, and the weight of the situation finally hit you. this was really happening. yet, you found yourself comforted by the fact it was your boyfriend, and that you loved and trusted him more than anyone.

nick put his weight on you, kissing behind your ear. “i’m going to go really slow, okay? and i’ll stop whenever you want, no questions asked.”

“i know you will.” you whisper, craning your neck to turn around and kiss him full on the lips.

he rubbed the cold lube over your hole, and pushed it in with his finger. he toyed with you, spreading you open to prepare you. finally, you felt the tip of his cock linger at your entrance, as you latched your teeth into your fist in anticipation. incredibly slow, nick began to push himself inside of you. you bit down on your knuckles, the intrusion burning more than you had imagined. nick stopped once he was halfway, bending down so that his chest was flush with your back.

“wait, just-just stay like that for a bit.” you breathe, trying to adjust to the stretch.

“okay.” he whispered, kissing your cheek. “you feel fucking amazing, though.”

you chuckled, slowly beginning to forget about the pain. it took you a few moments to gain your composure before you urged him on.“okay, you can keep going.”

nick pushed himself further into you, your mouth falling open and a guttural moan tumbling out. it burned, but it felt so good. that was until, he started thrusting. his thrusts were slow and cautious, but you yelped in pain. “fuck, i’m sorry. it hurts.”

“i’m sorry, i probably shouldn’t have done it in this position.” nick sighs, stroking your hair and kissing your cheek. “this is new for me too, i’m just copying what other guys have done to me.”

you found the strength to smile at this. nick, always the people pleaser. “well, what if we try, like…we can try a different position?”

“yeah, let’s try that.” he agrees.

you take a little bit of fiddling and shuffling around, but eventually find yourself on your back, with nick still hovering over you. he pushed back inside of you, but this time it feels different. this time, you couldn’t describe the feeling. it was euphoric. you loved that you could see his face, too, his cheeks and the tips of his ears pink.

“better?” he asked, coyly.

“yes.” you moaned, “now move, please.”

nick began to thrust into you once more, this time more comfortably. you whimpered as the burning sensation began to fade and be overtaken by a pleasure you’d never felt. nick was huffing and breathing heavy, his arms flexing as he held his weight up above you. your hands found purchase on his biceps, as your legs came to fold at your stomach.

“oh god.” nick moaned, feeling his cock deep inside of you, hitting your prostate.

you felt pathetic, slightly embarrassed by the moans and cries coming from you. nicks thrusts began to get more aggressive, his hips snapping at the back of your thighs, reaching over to start stroking your cock. this almost send you over the edge, your entire body building with pleasure.

“you feel so good.” you moaned, watching him at work, thrusting into you deep and hard, knocking the wind from you. you truly didn’t know he had it in him.

“fuck, i’m-“ nick’s hips began to stutter, his thrusts loosing their rhythm and becoming more sporadic and his hand leaving your cock as he had to hold himself up, his arms starting to buckle.

you were a mess- your bodies slapping together, lewd sounds echoing his bedroom. you pulled him closer to you, so could feel the weight of him on top of you. you reached to your front to tug yourself, feeling the build of an orgasm in your stomach and bubbling to your throat, about to burst.

“fuck! oh my god!” you cried, as the feeling of nick pounding into you combined with his heavy moans in your ear sent you over the edge.

you came all over your stomach, your hole pulsating and body shuddering as the wave of pleasure that overcame you washed you out. nick wasn’t far behind, chasing his release as you held him close, your bodies clutching each other in desperation. nick groaned heavily, his mouth agape and eyes rolling into the back of his head as he came inside you. the feeling was odd, his condom catching his release but you could still feel the warmth.

he collapsed on top of you, and you both stayed there like that- with nick still inside of you and your bodies pressed against each other, basking in the aftermath. the room fell silent now, the only noise being your combined heavy breathing. you absent mindedly stroked his back, your fingers running up and down his spine.

“sorry, i didn’t last very long.” nick finally spoke up with a chuckle. “i definitely do not have the stamina for that.”

“stamina for what?“ you questioned, pulling away so you could see his face.

he bit his lip to hide his smile. “being a top. like, it’s so tiring.”

you perk up now, laughing. “so what you’re saying is you like being the one fucked?”

“yes, the fuck-ee not the fuck-er.” he explained, as if it made perfect sense.

you couldn’t contain your laughter, shaking your head. “jesus christ, nick. sometimes you say things and i just…”

“i’d be careful with what you’re about to say, i’m still inside you.” he tsked, wagging his finger in your face.

you slapped his hand away, “well then, i suppose you’d better pull out. wouldn’t want me to get pregnant.”

nick covered his mouth and widened his eyes. “literally stop talking.”

“wanna go have a shower?” you asked, wiggling your brows.

“absolutely.” nick said enthusiastically, giving you a firm kiss.

as you watched nick get off the bed and disappear into the ensuite bathroom attached to his room, you couldn’t help but feel a sense of belonging, like you truly felt complete now.

“hey nick?” you called out.

“yeah?” he answered, poking his head around the corner.

you gaze at him lovingly, in his full naked form, all broad and flushed. “i’m glad we did that.”

“me too, but next time, you’re fucking me.” he laughs, putting a hand up into the air before disappearing back into the bathroom.

now that, that was an idea you could work with.

[the-casbah-way]

it’s for the best that nicola and jamie never interact in canon because i think jamie would see her talking back to malcolm and instantly get a raging hard on

[maybeitsalivescribbles]

Febuwhump 9) Bees

(tw : bee (duh), death threat)

A bee was buzzing in Whumpee’s cell. And that, they didn’t understand.

There was an opening in the left side of the wall, yes. It could have flied between the bars. The question was less how than why. Rarely a room had been more devoid of a flower. The only spots of color in all that gray were some blood stains here and here. If you could force your imagination, you could argue that the poker or the tongs vaguely looked like a flower. If it was the reason the bug was there though, Whumpee feared it needed a prescription badly. It had to have a pair of tiny glasses like no tomorrow. Glasses were important. Theirs had been crushed to the ground some time ago and they missed them very much, although they only needed them for reading. They missed reading too.

Really though, it didn’t seem probable; weirdly, the bee seemed rather interested by them. Their arms around their knees, they gazed at it examining them, like their red-stained rags were some kind of big petals around them. Not that Whumpee truly minded; they weren’t allergic and in their situation, a sting was the least of their problems. It was a nicer visit than the occasional mosquito. They were just confused.

They were looking at the bug looking at them when Whumper came in the room. Whumpee didn’t raise their head. As they were concerned, everyone in the world – and that included all living things – was more interesting than this person. Whumper understood perfectly the meaning of their attitude and didn’t like it. They leaned forwards to see what was so captivating and their brows bounced:

“Oh, that’s a bee !”

Whumpee gave them a quick, tired glance before going back to their contemplation, but the bee, disturbed by the new arrival, went to inspect the new element in the surroundings.

“Zzzz” made the bee.

“Crash” made Whumper’s fist against the wall.

Whumpee flinched, their eyes wide with horror.

“There’s a lesson to learn here” said Whumper. “See, that’s an insect who can sting only once and gets punished by death for it. That’s some nice foreshadowing. And an appropriate metaphor.”

“It didn’t even have the time to sting !”

“Can’t be too careful.”

*

Back to Whump/Horror Masterlist.

[therealjammy]

Who knew pouring grief and despair into your long fic would result in other characters giving the character who is despairing hope for the future, and that things might, after all, turn out right--essentially telling *yourself* that there is still hope in dark times

[wishesofeternity]

“Throughout Henry’s exile, Margaret [Beaufort] seems to have been a faithful correspondent, keeping her son abreast of affairs in England. Though none of their letters from this period have survived, it is highly probable that they contained sentiments similar to those she expressed in her later letters to him: she often gave him her blessing, and on one occasion, in a reflection of her affection towards him, she assured Henry that ‘I trust you shall well perceive I shall deal towards you as a kind, loving mother’. At this time, however, Margaret was clearly considering the possibility of bringing about his return, though she also recognised that this would take time. As her standing with Edward IV improved, so too did her confidence to effect a reconciliation. If she could continue to win the king’s trust, Henry’s foreign exile could potentially be brought to an end.

By the beginning of June 1482, her efforts appear to have produced some results when Edward agreed that Henry could receive a share of his grandmother the dowager Duchess of Somerset’s lands to the value of £400 (£276,500) if he were to return ‘to be in the grace and favour of the king’s highness’. Edward signed the agreement on 3 June, attaching his official seal. A draft still survives and can be found among Margaret’s papers. The groundwork for Henry to return home had been laid. Edward’s grip on the reins of power was unchallenged, and with two surviving sons, his dynasty appeared to be assured—Margaret’s son was no longer a threat. Thus it was that, on an unknown date, Edward—curiously, using the same piece of paper on which Margaret’s second husband had been created Earl of Richmond—drafted a pardon for her son. Margaret began to hope that she and Henry would soon be reunited.”  

— Nicola Tallis, The Uncrowned Queen: The Fateful Life of Margaret Beaufort, Tudor Matriarch

[roselinbooks-archive]

I have made Spotify playlists for:

Writing Inspo for each of my WIPs (for me, mostly)

"Official" Playlists for my books (for the readers, mostly)

Now I embark upon a new musical venture:

Playlists that match what each character would listen to (for me AND the readers)

Mostly thinking of this in terms of New Constellations but like. Ann's playlist has a lot of folk rock and cute 90s pop. Jack's has lots of party/club songs because he is a lively and fun guy. Julius is really into Post-Modern Jukebox and other "make it vintage" kinds of sounds like electro-swing. All things that the reader would probably expect from these characters based on how they are portrayed in the book and how they present themselves.

And then Nicolas. THIS GUY (art credit @theboarsbride)

Nicolas listens almost exclusively to emo. Nicolas goes into his study to work on some grand art piece and all you hear from the outside, blaring at max volume, is: "WHEN I WAS. A YOUNG BOY. MY FATHER TOOK ME INTO THE CITY--"

And if it's not emo? It's metal. The hardest screechingest metal you've ever heard in your life before you went deaf from it.

[shinysobi]

the kiss (aka that one scene) and subsequently—

*spoilers for bridgerton s3*

ahem...this might be a bit indelicate? Let us think about who Colin is, at his core. he is a dreamer. he's sweet, he's kind to a fault, and he's also the Bridgerton brother most likely to have ao3 in the 21st century.

Penelope asks for a kiss, and Colin cannot deny her that. so much of their relationship is evinced by the fact that they cannot deny each other anything, even if it is at the expense of their own well-being. Penelope has never once voiced her feelings for Colin because she is aware that he would never see her in such a light, and mostly because, she does not think that her feelings are his business. In the books and in the show, Penelope has never voiced her crush.

So, when she's facing the very real prospects of remaining a spinster and firmly under the influence of her mother and sister (Prudence, especially, I don't really think Phillipa would be that bad) she makes a choice to ask the love of her life, mind you, the one man she had always felt safe with, to kiss her. She is waving goodbye to the dreams of being married, finding a place of her own in a world where a woman had no value if they were not attached in matrimony to a man. Yes, it seems pathetic, yes, it seems desperate. It is. It is desperate. Penelope is desperate at this moment, and she is reckless, but she is not pathetic. She wants to be kissed, and she asks for it, it is a moment where we see a woman exercise agency for the first time in her life. Feelings are so very rarely black or white, and so is this scene; on one hand, you feel wronged and angry at the fact that Penelope is pleading for a kiss, on the other, you empathize with her situation and where she is coming from. She wants this moment, and who better to ask from, than her best friend? Colin has always, always been there for her, and she has been there for him. They know each other the best, she has had the privilege of being able to love him. She wants love, and she has it in her hands at this moment, a fleeting, transient glimpse into what her life could be if she were someone else. This is the moment when Penelope Featherington's dreams are well and truly shattered.

And that same kiss turns Colin's world on its axis. It is so wonderful to see on screen how the same action can have two entirely opposite, but just as important effects on people. Colin has always loved Penelope. This is not even a discussion. He took action on behalf of her family (on behalf of her, really) when he found out about her cousin's schemes. He gives Cressida the cut direct when she humiliates Penelope in front of him. He seeks her out at every social assembly. He has always looked out for her and has always loved her. But all this is platonic. He has never felt a physical connection with her, because neither of them has had the chance to explore that avenue. Neither Colin nor Penelope are aware of their latent attraction to each other. For Penelope, it is because she has never been allowed to feel a physical connection with anyone, and Colin because he has never thought of pursuing a physical connection with Penelope. It is their kiss that ultimately awakens that connection in Colin, and by connection, Penelope asking Colin for a kiss is what puts the wheels in motion.

Which brings me to the first paragraph. Colin is the sweetest boy in the Bridgerton family (Gregory I love you, but nine children? Get off that woman, immediately). When he realizes that he likes Penelope, and loves her romantically, what does he do? He internalizes it like he does everything else. So much of Colin's character arc, both in the book and in the show is about him internalizing everything. He refuses to voice his own feelings if they make other people uncomfortable, much to the detriment of his own mental health. After being deceived in the first season, he removes himself from London because he cannot bear to stay in the city anymore, not when he is reminded of how naive and stupid he was, every moment. It is also important to realize that Colin has been viewed as the naive, soft-hearted brother, by everyone else. When he gets engaged in season 1, Anthony, his big brother, the example he is supposed to follow, tells him that he should have taken Colin to brothels and accuses him of getting married to have sex. In season two, Penelope, an outsider, is the only person who gives a damn about his thoughts. His own family refuses to listen to him, and what does he do when he returns a second time? He tells them, "I shall not bore you with the details". He knows, no one essentially gives a shit. This is why, when he comes to the knowledge of the full breadth of his feelings for Penelope, he internalizes so hard he dreams of her. And this is not an indelicate dream. He does not dream of taking her in the back of a carriage or on his yellow sheets, he dreams of her returning his feelings. He is yet unaware of the extent of Penelope's feelings toward him, but he knows he should not force his feelings onto her, and that is why he dreams of her.

I could go on and on about why Colin is the best Bridgerton brother (Gregory, nine children) but it will take up a lot of space, so I shall keep it brief: (in the show) Anthony almost marries Edwina, a girl who is what, thirteen(?) twelve (?) years younger than him, a girl who has no safety net outside of her sister and her mother, her sister whom Anthony was in love with, and refused to confront his feelings for. Literally, no one forced Anthony to propose to Edwina, he went down on one knee while being aware of his feelings for her older sister. Kate would have been content with relinquishing her younger sister to a marriage where she loved someone who would forever love another. Imagine if Anthony had married Edwina as he intended. Do you think, for even a second, that he would look at her face and not be reminded of Kate? Not to mention neither of them took action till the very last second, and Edwina, a bystander, was forced to ruin herself. Half the reason why she married abroad is the fact that not a single person in London would have married her (headcanon: she marries the Prince, fuck you, Anthony) when she was very publicly denigrated as the Viscount Bridgerton's cast-off. Yes, the Queen's favor saves Anthony and Kate's marriage from scandal, but it also saves Edwina, it saves her from further public embarrassment and scrutiny by a ton that not only views her as an outsider but also envies her for securing the title of the Season's Diamond. (Book)Benedict forces a woman from a servant class to be his mistress while he searches for the girl he fancied to be the love of his life. I'm sorry, there's no coming back from that. Colin gets angry when he is aware of who Lady Whistledown is, but his anger is not directed at Penelope herself. It is directed at her lack of thought for her own safety. Colin puts Penelope's safety and reputation over everything. In the carriage scene, he steps back as soon as he hears the words "but we are friends" from her mouth; he takes it as a sign, that this is Penelope telling him I don't have feelings for you, and he is happy to respect her wishes. Colin would have never voiced his feelings a second time if she had rebuffed him then, he would have been happy to remove himself from Society and spend his days on the Continent, writing in his journals. So much of both Penelope and Colin is them learning to voice their wants and desires and fuck, it's the most beautiful thing to watch as it comes to life on my screen.

[take-ya-to-the-ghey-bar]

really random thing, that i wanna mention but because dash chatter reminded me of things, and a muse i haven't thought about in years--

but mun fun fact: ages ago i actually had a muse who fell under the disability umbrella-- a youngish (he was somewhere in his late teens, i think--) boy named Kennedy, or Kenny for short-- and while i can't recall if i ever gave any backstory for his trauma, or what it was, i do recall that he was mostly mute-- communicating mainly via writing or sign-- and of course body language cues, but i feel that bit kinda goes unsaid--

[bluberimufim]

I am once again going insane over Giulio Cesare in Egitto. Mostly its libretto. God.

Cornelia's almost melodic recitative breaking up Curio and Cesare's very rhythmic conversation, especially when saying "Da pace all'armi"? The sudden rise of Achilla's "questa del gran Pompeo superba testa" followed by a return to the calmer recitative from before with "di base al regal trono" because he thinks he did nothing wrong?

The whiplash between "Svegliatevi nel core, furie d'un alma offesa, a far d'un traditor aspra vendetta!" and "L'ombra del genitore, accorre a mia difesa e dice: a te il rigor, figlio, figlio, si aspetta"? The entirety of "Alma del Gran Pompeo"??

The tension in the rise and fall of Nireno and Cleopatra's "Troncar fè Tolomeo il capo... / Ohimè! di chi? / Del gran Pompeo" and later "Che gli mandò? / L'esanimato volto"?? The absolute clash between the melody and lyrics of "Tu sei il cor di questo core" that combines somewhat apologetic and tender-sounding lyrics with loud threatening music? And I think there's a musical Dies Irae reference in there? The first word of Cesare and Tolomeo's arias about each other being "l'empio"??

The absolute rawness of the line "L'aure che spira tirano e fiero egli non merta di respirar"? The melody of "Vanni son i lamenti" as Sesto announces his desire for revenge and "Sappi, perfido monstro" after he fulfils it being the same?

The climax of "Son nata a lagrimar" mirroring Cesare and Cleopatra's "verá" through harmony in the final duet, comparing the separation of act 1 with the reuniting of act 3? Tolomeo yelling "Sveglia! Sveglia!" in Cornelia's face after "svegliare" being established as basically Sesto's word in "Svegliatevi"? And Sesto's being a prayer and request while Tolomeo's is an order???

I AM LOSING MY MIND (affectionately)

[xanderscollection]

Sometimes you create an oc who's only going to appear once or twice for plot and character development and then oops they're now dead. But I the creator of them love them???? Can't believe I have to write fanfic of my own characters cause someone (me) had to kill them off

[sirfrogsworth]

Hey, here is some new frustrating discourse.

I'm going to clear this up super duper quick.

And then we can move on and discuss more important things.

Okay?

Here goes...

Nicolas Cage is an incredible actor who is very bad with money so he has to act in terrible movies because otherwise they will repossess his dinosaur skull collection.

But even when he is in terrible movies with terrible writing he refuses to phone in his performances. And sometimes when you are acting your ass off while saying some of the dumbest dialogue ever conceived it can give the appearance the acting is the issue rather than the writing and story.

Hayden Christensen knows that feeling all too well.

So next time you see Nic Cage in a B movie acting a fool, just know he probably bought some new shrunken heads and forgot to pay the mortgage on his volcano island.

[secondbeatsongs]

I need you to know that today my boss told me I should add a hobbies and interests section to my resume, and I was incapable of responding because I was staring into the void thinking about how I've spent many hours over the past few days making a powerpoint presentation about my favorite porn director, and I really don't know how to reword that as a marketable skill

someone at work: hey what are your hobbies? :)

me (internally): I have no way of explaining to you the sheer depth and breadth of the rabbit holes I dig and then envelop myself in on a regular basis, following obscure trails down pathways nobody else would seek to tread, satisfying the deep curiosity of my mind by becoming obsessed with odd media and strange projects that would confuse or even upset anyone outside of my small inner circle of like-minded internet weirdos

me: uhh. uhhh. knitting, I guess. and embroidery. stuff like that

person at work: oh, cool!

person at work: what music do you like? :)

me: ...

me: anything weird

[themboty]

im procrastinating if you couldnt tell